#because that's my favorite fucking thing and like the number one topic in my brain like 80% of the time
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ALTERNIAN CULTURE ANALYSIS: APATHY AS ANTITHESIS. AN ESSAY ON TROLL SOCIETY'S UNDERSTANDING OF EMOTIONS
listen to me. it only makes logical sense that trolls would have a strong understanding of the idea that the opposite of "love" is actually antipathy; having no strong feelings whatsoever. I know what you're saying, "but the quadrants have love and hate as a dichotomy, they clearly think of hate as love's antithesis-" no. wrong. the quadrants are obviously not representative of every emotion a troll can have, the quadrants are a concept of ROMANCE. see there's the keyword here. love and hate are both integral parts of this romance, they do not exist in opposition to each other as in one cancels out the other, they are two sides of the same coin. having quadrant feelings for someone regardless of alignment is indicative of caring about them, of being passionate about them. I know those words typically have purely positive connotations when used about human romantic understandings but disconnect that for a second. basically it comes down to a slightly warped version of "horseshoe theory" (where supposed opposites, in this case love and hate, are actually closer together than the middleground). I think this concept is firmly supported by canon, examples off the top of my head:
from the quadrants explanation;
"The relationships each quadrant describes tend to be malleable, if not volatile,"
as stated with the pitched/flushed vacillation and the canon examples of pale/flushed, but also I think it is implied (though less so) that it applies to every quadrant and there are many ways unexplored in canon that every quadrant can bleed into another.
this famous line:
"It should be noted that in troll language, the word for friend is exactly the same as the word for enemy."
this quote being on the page where equius pesters gamzee, citing that he does so with regularity and thus considers him a "friend" (but that's not the whole picture). this adds to the notion of these relationships not being considered opposite but stemming from the same root idea of investment in a person.
I think it's very interesting because I believe the authorial intentions of incorporating hate as an integral part of troll society and culture is meant to contribute to the idea of them as a cruel and violent society, and while that may have some truth for the ways in which individuals treat each other peer-to-peer in average situations I actually think the real overarching effect it has is trolls coming off as a more emotionally honest society at the cost of simplicity and peace.
the implications of hate being considered on equal terms with love to me paint an image of a society that encourages embracing all emotions to the fullest extent, a society that might even consider the worst thing you can be not as someone who is filled with hate but in fact someone who does not care at all. I'm reminded of the conversation between vriska and aradia in hivebent:
vriska calling her a "miserable soulless witch" followed by repeating she hates her and "only regrets killing her cause it made her so BORING!!!!!!!!"
of course we also see plenty of times that "not giving a shit" is a thing that trolls are naturally inclined to do because you only have so much emotional resource to devote to a finite amount of things. moreover that alternia is a society that encourages emotional "balance", to embrace the love and the hate both with the same passion.
again as karkat rants to vriska also in hivebent:
"A WELL BALANCED PERSON IS GOING TO HAVE A GOOD DISTRIBUTION BETWEEN HATE AND THE VARIOUS PITY HUMORS."
you may also recognize this conversation as the same one where karkat claims this (rather infamously imo):
"PITY IS OF COURSE JUST THE TONED DOWN VERSION OF THE CENTRAL EMOTION, HATE."
(adding more to the "trolls believe hate and love come from the same emotional source" pile even if the manner of it is slightly off-center here)
and vriska's response to karkat's ranting:
"Did you learn this crap from your awful romance movies?"
"THEY'RE REALLY INTRIGUING SOCIOLOGICALLY."
I hope this presentation makes it clear but for the audience in the back:
karkat's interpretation of emotional composition of trolls is most likely complete bullshit and not at all factual nor, in my opinion, should be taken as biological information about trolls. for that reason I believe the reference to humoral medicine is completely intentional, invoking the imagerey of bullshit pseudoscience. just in the same way as I don't think it would be reasonable to make any similar claim about the nature of human emotions (and anyone who does is trying to sell you something). in A6A615 dave even states that "both humans and trolls are emotionally versatile sentient beings that can feel many hells of different things".
what I'm mainly getting at here using these quotes is that there is a cultural precedent for the claims he is making. karkat did not spawn these ideas about emotions out of thin air or scientific research, he got them from watching romance films. which particularly, as presumably low-culture media in much the same fashion as our own, would in fact make them excellent case studies on the general cultural attitudes of the society that consumes them. and that society, as karkat observes, makes indications that a) emotions of hate and love stem from the same source and b) trolls ought to have a balance of negative and positive emotions, where apathy is considered more undesirable.
so what I mean to say from all these observations, my formal opinion: to trolls there can exist this nebulous feeling of being emotionally attachment to someone, to desire any kind of relationship with them. and with that the average troll has a far better understanding that the most devastating response possible is actually none at all; to be completely unaffected by them.
so what am I saying with all this? it is my idea that in troll culture, trolls have a concept of relationships and emotions that can exist as a nebulous idea of just being *passionate*, of caring about something or someone and the distinction between negative or positive is merely a nuance rather than an opposition, and the actual socially reviled opposition to this feeling is being apathetic.
for example a troll rejecting another for a particular desired quadrant is heartbreaking (or diamondbreaking, spadesbreaking etc), but as there exists a desire for connection generally by virtue of the desire at all, it would be less devastating and possibly could become just as fulfilling for the connection to exist as a different quadrant, even on the other side of red/black. the most devastating possible outcome of a rejection would be that of total apathy, of the idea that one inspires no passions, no emotions of any kind in a person.
and with that established now we can get into my ideas about how alternian media rating systems work, such as a troll equivalent to rotten tomatoes where movies/books/films etc are rated on 5 different scales (also possibly two different modified 3 scale versions) in addition to a simplified two-scale version where the measure of "good" is based on "how much did this work inspire emotional reactions in you vs how much did you not give any shit at all"- the cane hooks me by the neck and pulls me off stage
#homestuck#homestuck analysis#homestuck theory#homestuck speculation#alternia#homestuck quadrants#quadrants#matesprit#moirail#kismesis#auspistice#uhhh is there a fucking tag for like. troll cultural-worldbuilding#because that's my favorite fucking thing and like the number one topic in my brain like 80% of the time#also if anyone is interested in that troll rotten tomatoes thing I would actually love to talk more. in a separate post#so please shout at me that you want it please please please#long post
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It has come to my attention that SOME OF YOU who read my last Byler post remain UNCONVINCED. So I'm gonna tack onto it this:
I'm older than fucking God and air, and I've been out and proud since 2007. Yes, I know what homophobia is, and yes, I know what queerbaiting is. I know about Supernatural and Teen Wolf and Sherlock and blahdyblahdyblah. No new ground is being covered here. I thought I made that clear in the original post, but, clearly, I did not.
I am aware of queerbaiting and homophobia, and I'm still wholeheartedly certain in Byler being canon anyway.
Okay, so there are three types of relationship I want to discuss when it comes to queerbaiting. They're all, like, "queer relationships that could have happened, but didn't".
First off, queer-coding. This isn't really a thing so much anymore, but it still crops up every once in a while. I'd argue it probably happens most with male-male relationships in family shows these days. First example that comes to mind is Mr. Smiley and Mr. Frowny from Steven Universe. You can't make a relationship canon because some shitty overhead bastard overhead said no, so you get as close as you can without compromising the show. Can't make someone gay? Well, now their comedy routine is a blatant allegory for a romantic relationship. Boom-shaka-laka. This is something I don't see being a problem with regards to Stranger Things, but I want it to be there as contrast, a demonstration of one of many things queerbaiting is not. However, one could argue that, thus far, Will Byers is, canonically, queer-coded. It's pretty fucking heavily implied in the show, and the creators have confirmed it, and you're gonna be able to see it if you're not FUCKING BLIND, but word of god is not technically canon which means that interviews don't technically make something canon, blahdyblahdyblahdyblah, technicalities, Robin has been explicitly stated in the text to be queer while Will has, thus far, not, outside of good ol' Show-Don't-Tell. Of course, anyone with two brain cells to rub together can tell that that's going to change by the end of Season 5, but, hey, for what it's worth, I'm throwing this out there.
Alrighty, Thingamajingama Number Two: "Oops, I accidentally made the greatest love story known to man." AKA, a genuine, honest-to-goodness mistake. Unfortunately, we do live in a heteronormative society. Sometimes people who don't think about being gay much write a friendship that's incredibly compelling and don't even consider the possibility that it could have been read as romantic. Something something Top Gun something. This is, again, not queerbaiting. This is Steddie, this is Ronance, this is Elmax, this is your favorite flavor of non-canon ship this week, this is not Byler. The creators know DAMN well what they're doing. They've talked about it. We know this. Nothing new here.
Which brings us to the topic of discussion here. Actual queerbaiting. This usually starts out as an "accidental greatest love story", and then reacts to fan response. And when I say "reacts", I mean like a goddamn chemical reaction. Like bleach and ammonia, bitch. It's noxious and it's gonna kick your fucking ass without mercy. This is when a creator is like, "Hey, let's get our queer audience invested, but we're not actually going to give them what they want because our straight audience isn't here for that/we personally think it's gross/we don't give enough of a shit to want to research a goddamn thing to write a real gay character," blah blah blah whatever excuse they want to come up with this time.
And when you think "queerbaiting", I want you to think "bullying". Because that's what it is. It's lucrative bullying, like beating us up and taking our lunch money, but it's bullying all the same. And it's a real goddamn thing, even if people misuse the word a lot, often when they mean one of the two above, sometimes when they mean "bury your gays", which is another homophobic thing entirely that I'm not going to get into here. Queerbaiting is the thing we're focused on, and it's real, and it's bullying. And here's the reason I want you to think of it as bullying:
They
Think
It's
Funny.
They are actively making fun of us.
That's why Dean had the "Cas, get out of my ass," line in Supernatural. It's why the "Do you like boys?" line happened in Teen Wolf. It's why "Lie with me, Watson," happened in the RDJ Sherlock Holmes movies. Because "It's just a joke, mate." "It was just a prank, bro." "You didn't really think it would happen, did you?" "You should see your face."
So here's probably the biggest reason I don't think it's specifically queerbaiting in this specific instance of Will Byers and Mike Wheeler.
Stranger Things has never, not once, made a gay joke. Ever.
Every single time queerness comes up, it's dead serious.
Lonnie calls Will a fag, and the show is not at all reluctant to show what a goddamn horrible person he is. And when Hopper latches onto that, it's not as "Hahah, is he gay, though?" It's because he's trying to determine a potential motive for Will's disappearance, and even if someone had interpreted it as a joke, Joyce immediately has a line that functions as snapping her fingers in front of the audience's face and yelling "FOCUS" when she says "He's MISSING." Basically outright saying "This isn't funny!"
Troy calls him a fairy, along with targeting Lucas and Dustin for their skin color and disability respectively, and Mike gets damn near murderous. Troy is portrayed as a goddamn monster and the show portrays it as justice when El makes him piss his pants and later breaks his arm.
Steve calls Jonathan "queer" as a slur and gets the shit beat out of him for it.
Billy's father is revealed to be homophobic and abusive in the same breath.
Mike says "It's not my fault you don't like girls!" and we're shown how devastated Will is and Mike immediately follows him to beg for forgiveness.
There is a joke in Robin's coming-out scene, but it's not at Robin's expense. It's at Steve's. Specifically for being heteronormative.
Jonathan has multiple scenes where he's trying so hard to tell Will that he's always going to love him as he is, whether he's gay or not, without pressuring him to come out before he's ready.
Even when there's a little bit of ribbing at Robin's expense, it's always because she's an awkward nerd who's nervous around pretty girls, just the same as Lucas and Dustin are teased when they both first develop crushes on Max, and even then, even then, it always comes as a package deal where they make fun of Steve's girl problems at the same time.
Stranger Things is an emphatically pro-gay show. It may not be the core point of the show the way it is in, say, Our Flag Means Death, but there is nothing less than respect for its queer characters. Its queer characters are always taken completely seriously. No one is making fun of us. They never have. That's why I have serious doubts that this is queerbaiting. It would come completely out of left field for the bullying to start in Stranger Things' final season.
So it's not at all likely to be queerbaiting because queerness is taken completely seriously. The creators have talked about Will's queerness, at least, so it's not an accident. And queer-coding would be silly to expect from this show when it's already on its final season. Like, what is Netflix gonna do? Cancel it? Not to mention all the explicit queerness that's in there already. And no one's gonna "What about the children?" a show that's had sex scenes in it since the first season.
There's no fakeout here. It's gonna happen. Breathe.
#byler#Part 2 I fucking guess.#Wasn't planning on making a Part 2 but here we are.#I seriously just want you guys to feel safe.#I'm not naive. I do not say any of this shit lightly.#But I've been around the block long enough to know what queerbaiting looks like and this ain't it. Promise.#Will's already been confirmed as in love with Mike for fuck's sake. You don't think the other half of the equation's gonna follow through?#There has only ever been one other situation where I've gone 'Okay this is going in gay places' with no doubt whatsoever without being told#And that was with Daja in Tamora Pierce's 'Will of the Empress' when I read it at like sixteen or whatever#and she wound up having whole-ass fuckin' gay sex.#I was right then and I'm right now. I swear.
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Who are your favorite simblrs to follow/interact with? I’m talking cc creators, builders, cas content, story tellers, anything in the sims world
ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ! I CAN GET BEHIND THIS! i will try my best not to go off topic.. but most likely it will, i apologize already now XD.
number 1. YouTube wise HANDS DOWN right now is KUREHA on YouTube if you don't know .click on her name.. be blessed with a Sims series that gives you all the spice you need. FUCKING KANA HANA..... you have cute fucking sims, a great story, and some spice and sweetness all wrapped up into one. i am inspired by them.
2. Plantsimgirl... the ambient builds that they build UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH they are so cozy and amazing and ughhhhhhhh ! just go look. i have fallen asleep to their videos before because i was just so relaxed... and calm and gosh they are such an incredible creator...
3. i have watch this gal since she started XD and yes i love watching lets plays of pretty much anything. but Aurora. Og fan i love and loved all her lets plays.. i love that she loves the sims 3 the most. its honestly just great.
4. story wise i am going to have to say @rebouks (brynn and wyatt have me in a fucking choke hold dude...) , @theosconfessions (which i really want to sit down and start fully from the beginning again because mmm i love) @ you, i am enjoying seeing you, where you are taking your decades challenge honestly and I'm not just saying that because you asked me.. but because i mean it. its fucking cool i could never. I am too lazy to stay in one decade XD including doing a whole-ass challenge nope .. i could barely get through not so berry gen 1 okay XD, you are awesome. there is probably more OHHH I JUST STUMBLED UPON THEM ! @ladykendalsims i sat up all night the other night just reading XD its also so appeasing to the eye and the fact it has occults DONE. (Sorry for the random tag XD but I like what you are putting down.)
5. seeing stories and just posts of sims or oc wise fucking @fl0pera who quite frankly handles my shenanigans very well XD and joins me in it. (Ultimate choke hold) ( check out our group chat) LOL I’m sorry I am treating this like a fucking interview 🤣🤣🤣 Jesus anyway..
Just she is fucking awesome and if you don't know her you should! also look at the beautiful sims she makes, all-around panty droppers. This brings me to fucking @plumbewb THAT BEAN IS SUCH a CUTE FUCKING BEING... that beanie's sims give me life in the best chaotic way, they are outspoken and I LIVE FOR ITTTTTT!
Special shout-outs of people I love seeing On my dash but don’t interact with XD I just appreciate and respect what these people are putting down, from the story, to cc, to sims showcases, to just organic..
"i do what I want, this is my page" vibe. The energy... as corny as it sounds is there for me when I look at their creative brains serving out these killer things. I respect them and truly find it so cool that there is a platform where I can watch people like this create such fucking AWESOME SHIT.. because if I remember we are all playing a life simulation game XD and LOOK how we all use it so differently so uniquely. I FUCKING LOVE IT! i love all you fucking nerds @minaevesmoths @onestormeynight @nightlifeseries @cakepopsimss @softplumbs @lowvintagesims @lazyteapot @leosims4 @simandy @thebramblewood @cuddlewhim @1-800-cuupid , Sims4Life, @simsply4 , @pixelvibes @birdietrait
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2022 writing review
1. Number of works posted to AO3: 10 (8 fics plus 2 vids)
2. Word count posted for the year: 59,553 (not a lot compared to some but in terms of the last few years it’s one of my higher word counts, and the highest one since 2012)
3. Fandoms I wrote for: 9-1-1, Merlin, Our Flag Means Death
4. Pairings: Buck/Eddie, Merlin/Arthur, Lucy Donato/OFC, Ed/Stede
5. Story with the most:
kudos: Bajo Fuerte Como Ron
bookmarks & comment threads: Forest for the Trees
6. Work I’m most proud of (and why): eh, I don’t know about “proud” but I was pleased with among the rusted hulls of years, which was such fun because I was able to get back to writing about both London and Merlin again. It was also gratifying to hear from people that it had hit the mark for them in terms of the emotional notes because it covered some pretty heavy topics and I wasn’t sure if I’d gotten the mix right.
7. Work I’m least proud of (and why): again, I don’t really think of it in terms of being “proud” of fanworks - I’m just happy I managed to write as much I did, and each story or vid has elements I enjoyed.
8. Share or describe a favorite review you received: this one that I got yesterday, I mean holy fuck. And this one from the recipient of the Merlin fic was pretty damn amazing too.
9. A time when writing was really, really hard: the last month I haven’t been all that motivated to write, but I’m hoping to get some more 911 fic written before 6B airs in March.
10. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you: basically, there’s always a point (if I’m lucky) in every fic where the characters take over and it feels like they’re writing it - I don’t know where a particular line or idea comes from as I’m writing it. It’s weird, but interestingly those are the lines or ideas that often get quoted back to me by people. There were times in Forest for the Trees, for example, which I was trying to write in Buck’s voice in the description as well as the dialogue, where I swear that I was channeling him - for instance, I have no idea where the Shape of Water comparison came from. It’s when I know I’m on the right track.
11. A favorite excerpt of your writing: probably the whole of the getting-together scene in The Art of Wifery - I was trying to write Ed POV and get Stede’s voice right and I felt like that whole scene really built and flowed naturally, so I was pleased with it. One excerpt:
When he's standing right behind Stede, Ed sees him close his eyes. There's a fine tremor in Stede's shoulders as he takes a deep breath in through his nose.
“What's wrong?”
Stede opens his eyes again, and this time the light catches a shine in them that wasn't there before. “Nothing. For the first time in my life, I think I can honestly say nothing is wrong.”
“Stede –”
“And you know, I don't care if you want me to wear a dress for the rest of my bloody life, if it makes you look at me like that – if it makes you –”
“Jesus, Stede, it's not about the dress.”
Stede's reflection raises an eyebrow at him.
“Okay, so it's a little bit about the dress,” Ed admits. “But not the way you think.”
12. How did you grow as a writer this year: Just getting back into writing semi-regularly in the last couple of years (and vidding this year) has been such a joy, 911 and OFMD have been a gift.
13. How do you hope to grow next year: Not a freaking clue. I do want to try to write something longer again, I guess, and push myself to get back to writing an actual plot of some complexity.
14. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer, beta, cheerleader, etc): there is SO MUCH great meta in 911 fandom from people like @yramesoruniverse and it’s really helped me to see the characters and the buck/eddie relationship in particular from so many different angles. You’re all amazing and I adore your energy, your enthusiasm and your big brains.
15. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year: way too much hahaha - and the freaky thing is sometimes I don’t pick up on it until afer I’ve written it.
16. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers: Don’t get butthurt if you’re called out on something you’ve written that’s caused harm. Writing it in the first place doesn’t necessarily make you a dickhead, but crying about it and getting your friends to defend your honour against marginalized people who are giving you free advice on how to do better? That definitely makes you a dickhead. Apologize, fix it and apply what you’ve learned in the future. Learn to separate yourself from your work a little bit - criticism of a fic is not criticism of you personally.
17. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year: Oh god, there’s a buddie AU I want to write but it will take Work and I’m trying to motivate myself to get started on it.
18. Tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read: Anyone and everyone!
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Hello hi howdy 🖤 saw you asked for asks and discussion so some questions for ya
What was your number 8 on Spotify?
Favorite candle scent??
Your all time favorite horror movie and WHY?
That one poll that was like would you rather be splattered in blood, drenched Carrie style, drips/smeared around your mouth, or bloody hands/knuckles etc ???
Thoughts on ghosts?
And favorite hannibal headcanon/meta!!
Sorry you have to stay up, hope you're well and wishing you good times and good vibes 🩸🖤🩸
hi there!! thank you so much for sending in so many questions this is gonna be so fun
so first question! my number 8 song on spotify was "Honeywell" by Clem Turner! you should give it a shot, it's a lovely song
hmm i really like berry scented candles! i'm very picky with candles but any berry scented ones are fine because they remind me of the village i grew up in
all time favorite horror movie this one is a HARD question. im a huge horror fan so i have a LIST. if i had to choose one if would be "Gonjiam", it's a korean (sort of) found footage movie about a haunted asylum. the place is actually real and is considered to be the most haunted place in the country. the reason i chose this movie is because one of the most important things for a horror movie is to be scary (imo). i'm a scaredycat (funny thing to be for a horror fan) but nothing in my entire life has scared me as much as that movie. the first time i had seen it i got genuinely traumatized, it fucked up my brain for MONTHS. so i think for a horror movie to be so terrifying to have such an effect makes it deserving of credit. trauma aside, it was a great movie and ive even rewatched it a couple of times sfksfjlkfj. also i just really like korean cinematography
ooooh can i have more than one answer to that? first of all, definetely bloody knuckles and hands, bloody knuckles are incrediblyy attractive to me. plus, blood stained clothes, that would be perfect
ghosts. you know what, i'll share a very intimate story about this topic. ive never believed in ghosts, to this day i don't. however, there was a brief period in my life during which i was convinced that a ghost was haunting me, although not in a malicious way. i had a dog called Lucy, we had to put her down five years ago because she had inoperable cancer and was suffering. shortly after she passed, i started waking up every single morning for weeks with three neat scratches on my face. it would always happen after i'd have a dream about her (which was, and still is, incredibly often), and at night i'd use to hear scratching noises i couldn't find a source for. but it was the scratches that did it for me. the thing eventually stopped but for that brief period of time i did genuinely believe that her ghost was in my room. but as a general rule im a skeptical on the topic
hannibal headcanons oof we're opening a bottomless chest here. okay first of all i want to clarify that he is a top. this is such a stupid hc but everytime i see bottom hannibal stuff it's like,, you don't know him, i know him. i actually kin hannibal so my headcanons about him and the show are sort of blurry? i don't think i have a favorite one so i'll just drop a few here. first of all, will is way more manipulative than most people tend to see (referring to s3 mostly, he was a manipulative cunt in love). being a cannibal and having bloodthirst is something so engraved into hannibal that is makes no sense at all to talk about him in other terms (eg. people who write non-cannibal hannibal fics, everyone can do what they want but that's just nonesense) and even without what happened to his sister, he'd still be what he is. perhaps some things would be different, but his views on life and religion and his murder-sona would still exist. i'll also say this probably super controversial one but hannibal has issues with incest. whether it's a kink or just a thought in the back of his head, it's there. also he secretely writes poetry.
thank you so much for the asks and the nice message <333 i hope you have a good day/night!! this definetely entertained me!!
#thank u lots!!#honestly this was super nice of you im kinda touched#sending good vibes right back at you
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TW: More Dark Topics
I feel like I need to contextualize my feelings at the beginning of this year, and how completely annihilated my mind was. But there was a string of events that had caused me to be mentally where I had been then.
One of my closest friends left that place on New Years Day morning, and that was also the morning the first chapter of that under*ge/teen (I don't remember whether it was "under*ge," but like I've said, it was never about the number, but the premise of it) r*pe fic was posted. Having those two things happen simultaneously - up until then, me and that friend basically talked every day, and she was increasingly stressed about the way things seemed to be going in the fandom, too - really made me lose my mind.
I started calling [insert ship] the "CS@ ship" to my friends in private. I fucking hated [insert ship]. I genuinely believed that everyone who shipped that ship did so only because they wanted [my former favorite character] to take advantage of a child. I genuinely believed that the only [insert ship] content going forward was going to be under*ge r*pefic. (I know there have been several of the under*ge fics posted lately, and I don't care; I've healed my brain, and I don't take any of it seriously anymore, but back then, for whatever broken-brained reason, I did.) In the beginning of this year, I wanted to ship [my former favorite character] with anyone but R00ster - HangM@v, CyM@v, GoosM@v, whatever. He is my absolute favorite - the love of my life now - but I hated thinking about R00ster because he just reminded me of pain and horror to do so.
I had another friend who was aware of all these things because that was back when I talked to her every day, too, and she knows how all of this absolutely obliterated my mind, but it definitely probably traumatized her a lot, too, to have me telling her these things about some fictional nonsense, and I can understand if she borderline blocks this part of her fandom experience - and me - out.
I had a super fucked brain that took all of these things way too seriously (on top of real-life personal stresses), but it's not like the way I had felt had come out of nowhere. I don't care now, and I get that it's all fun and fiction - I wholly support everyone in their under*ge r*pefic endeavors - but for whatever reason, it really had felt like my world was ending then.
But I guess that part ended up still being true because I have been in Hell this entire year and forever on, perhaps deservedly so, for being such a massive idiot over fictional crap.
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Mars in the houses
Mars in the first house:
1)A very strong and brave person.He can be quick-tempered,but due to his perseverance and strong character,he wins competitions and is a good opponent.
2)Depending on the position of Mars in the sign and its aspects,but in any case,a person(karmically)must work hard in life- both in the external world and in the internal,and especially devote a lot of effort to the formation of his personality.
3)People often fall in love with you.You are very inspiring to other people,please don't give up,you are really cool.
4)I noticed that people in this position have unusual facial features.For example,they have thick or unruly hair, freckles,or a sly and strong look.Most often they are high.
5)They value honesty and realism.They don't like to think much about philosophical things.
Mars in the second house:
1)Hardworking and very fond of money.They like to build a successful and long-term career.
2)This arrangement indicates people who are talkative,it is useless to argue with them.They are skilled in mathematics,earn money through real estate,are interested in politics and say frankly what they think.They sing or have the ability to work on the radio.
3)Bad aspects can indicate frequent financial and property crises.A person spends as quickly as he earns.He needs to learn to control his spending.
4)If a person has Mars in Capricorn/Scorpio/Aries,then he is guaranteed monetary success.He is enterprising,active,sees a large number of opportunities around him and uses them one hundred percent.
5)The good aspects point to the comfortable and favorite work of humans.It works not only for money,but also for pleasure.He is proud of himself and his position.
Mars in the third house:
1)Person is impatient.The last thing he likes to do is wait a long time for a response to his messages.Such a person can show pressure in business situations,and often achieves what he wants through courage and a natural gift of persuasion.
2)By the way,often Mars in the 3rd house has a great interest in technology,and therefore can fix a lot himself in the mechanism of a car,motorcycle or bicycle.
3)Good aspects indicate a strong and inquisitive mind,bad aspects indicate poor memory and learning problems.
4)You are witty and completely outspoken,and sometimes tactless.Active intellectual work is suitable for you.
5)If you have a brother or sister,they may have Scorpio/Aries placements.They can also be hot-tempered,get involved in boxing or make a permanent mess at home.
Mars in the fourth house:
1)He knows how to cool his ardor at the right time.They often want to be in charge of the family.They like to do the renovation and decoration of their home.
2)In 99% of cases,they have problems with their parents or family.Their characters are too different.
3)You may have been brought up in harsh or unpleasant conditions,so you have little trust in people and comfort is very important to you.You don't want to repeat the mistakes of your parents,so you can seriously get carried away with books about parenting and going to psychologists.There's nothing wrong with that!
4)With bad aspects,mental disorders and deep mental suffering are possible.Good aspects increase strength and energy,activity and enterprise and create an opportunity to acquire real estate and implement ideas,plans and goals.
5)I often noticed this position in people who worked hard and studied hard to support their families.They are very caring and loving,but they may not show it because of stress or fatigue.
Mars in the fifth house:
1)You love competitions,arguments and adventures.If you are the captain of the team,then you will definitely win.You are able to maintain team spirit and you are comfortable working in a friendly team.
2)The 5th house sometimes points to our children,so I just wish you patience.Your child may be too active or disobedient,try to teach from childhood to love to learn,otherwise there may be problems in the future.It can also be a Sun Aries or Scorpio.
3)In general,you are not boring.Positive aspects indicate that you are the soul of the company or you are often approached to get acquainted.Bad aspects indicate risky and dangerous actions.Think a thousand times before you do something.
4)I'm sorry to frighten you,but my book says that giving birth to such people is very difficult.Carefully monitor your health.
5)You are a sensual and passionate nature.You flirt well,which makes you even more attractive.
Mars in the sixth house:
1)Perfectionists,so they can be trusted with difficult and responsible work.They may be too lazy or too hardworking.They love to thoroughly understand complex mechanisms and processes,they like to process and analyze information,put everything on the shelves,optimize their activities.
2)Their main goal is not money and career growth.It is more important for them to get satisfaction from achievements and results in order to feel happy.
3)This is a born analyst who logically approaches the solution of problems and tasks.Relies on the brain,not the heart,to make decisions.He is a practitioner all the knowledge that he receives in the process of life,immediately applies.
4)He will try to create the most comfortable living conditions for his family.It is important for him to feel stability and be confident in the future.
5)With bad aspects,such people tend to be picky and grumpy.
Mars in the seventh house:
1)An unpleasant position,there is a possibility of a toxic or aggressive partner.Their partner can be a little brash,rude,or rebellious.On the other hand,it often indicates a partner with a lot of energy and plans.He is stubborn and always achieves his goals.
2)His opponents are strong and assertive,and fights with them often end in serious injuries physical or financial.He often gets into trouble and easily gets involved in quarrels.
3)The bad aspects point to divorce.
4)He was used to acting quickly and confidently towards others.Sometimes he shows excessive pressure and strong-willed influence,which is perceived negatively by others.With soft and sensitive people,such a person is not on the way.
5)You are a great competitor,so you can work in politics,sports or business.
Mars in the eighth house:
1)You are very sensitive to the topic of money and probably want to have more of it than you have now.You reach out to people who already have money or obviously want wealth.
2)For bad aspects,I sincerely recommend not taking out loans or spending property or huge amounts of money.There is a high probability of not paying back the debt and spending money on the wind.Read the contracts carefully.
3)Good aspects create a sense of benefit.Such a person knows who to make deals with,he has a profitable and active job.
4)Monitor the health of the genitals.Avoid fire and cutting objects and treat wounds carefully.
5)They like to explore theories and riddles.They are very curious and they like mysticism,they can like detectives.
Mars in the ninth house:
1)You may have been disliked by your teachers because you tend to express your opinions.You are the kings of discussion and know how to defend your point of view.
2)Such people love to learn.They have a broad outlook,but their brain doesn’t immediately understand the explanation,so they often learn in their own way.Sometimes this position indicates self-taught people.
3)Negative aspects indicate short temper and stubbornness.Such people argue for the sake of argument.Positive aspects indicate fairness.Such a person is interested in the opinions of other people and tries to expand their knowledge.
4)Often such people work according to their own regime.They can be freelancers or have a night job.
5)Very good position for businessmen.A person with such a position has good managerial abilities,purposefulness and great vital energy.
Mars in the tenth house:
1)He is very independent and responsible,knows how to make decisions and is not afraid to take the initiative.
2)He can quickly become successful,and then also quickly find himself at the bottom.His life is an endless series of ups and downs.
3)In the negative aspect,Mars makes a person conflicted,aggressive.In a positive aspect,it indicates success.His career is very important to him.But family and personal relationships often take a back seat.
4)Such a person may have a problematic relationship with his mother.
5)They know how to work in competition.In life(with bad aspects),almost all people are seen as enemies.Maybe there was some kind of psychological trauma.
Mars in the eleventh house:
1)You work well in collaboration with others who share your goals,ideals,and intentions.You can inspire people to work towards a common goal.
2)If he is passionate about something,he strives to bring it to the end and get a concrete result.
3)He's friends with all sorts of people.Nationality,level of education and status in society are not important here.The main thing is to have common hobbies,aspirations and desires.
4)Positive aspects indicate the qualities of an excellent organizer.It inspires and appeals to other people.Negative aspects create problems with people.He is often betrayed or deceived.
5)Such a person never adapts to someone.If you have different views on life or different characters,that such people will say goodbye to you.They don't fucking need to change you.
Mars in the twelfth house:
1)Watch your feet very carefully.Wear comfortable shoes,play football carefully and don’t overdo it with the stretch.
2)He doesn’t give the impression of an active and active person.Others often underestimate him.
3)He has a good imagination.He does a lot of his work intuitively.Such a person can’t always explain in words how he came to this result.
4)Very good position for astrologers,fortune tellers or psychics.Their work is often associated with something mystical or creative.They like detective stories and psychology.
5)You may have quite a lot of energy and energy,you lack confidence or just the desire to put yourself and your interests first.Love being alone at work.You like to help.
#astrology#astrology observations#astrology community#astrologynotes#natalchart#horoscope#zodiacsign#aries#taurus#gemini#mars#cancer#leo#virgo#libra#scorpio#sagittarius#capricorn#aquarius#pisces
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the death of hyacinthus - pt. i
this is my old renaissance au with artist!billy and model!steve so enjoy lol
The light spills out onto the floor before the window, making the worn wood of the floor look bright again, like new. The light doesn't reach Steve though. Billy set up the scene like that on purpose, closer to the center of his studio. No direct light. He wants this to be lit like it's the beginning of twilight. In his head, Hyacinth dies at sunset.
The room is silent, has been for a while, other than birds outside the window, a breeze that made the window tap against itself lightly, and fabric shifting if Steve stirs from where he is at all, draped across this haphazard construction of pillows, blankets, and a bench.
That's the word Billy used; “drape”. When Steve got to the studio Billy was kicking pillows around on his little model platform, trying to get everything set up right, hardly even greeting Steve at all before launching into his explanation of how he wanted Steve to look.
“-and he’s dying, but he’s not dead yet,” Billy walked half a circle around the platform, hands out. “So Apollo would- damn-” A pillow fell over, he pushed it back up. “Would be here. So if you can just sort of drape yourself across right here-”
Steve was stripping off the last of his garments when Billy turned back around.
“Here?” Steve finished kicking his stockings off, crossed to step up onto the platform.
Billy swallowed, looking Steve in the eyes because at least it meant he wouldn't look down, slack jawed. “Yeah, that's- that’s perfect.”
Steve was already settling in to sitting down, letting his head fall back against the seat of the bench, throat exposed.
The way he was sitting shifted his weight in his hips more; Billy tried to look critically. Not appreciatively. He shouldn’t be appreciating the son of the nobleman that had decided to be his patron. Not that Steve was even supposed to be modeling for him beyond the two portraits he’d already had done.
“Tip your knee down more,” Billy stepps back, takes in the composition.
Steve drops his knee.
“Turn your head towards me.”
Steve obliges. The line of his nose looks perfect at three quarters.
Billy stepps up to the platform again, pulls some of the fabric forward, lets it fall over Steve's legs more, over his groin- good. Less distracting. More poetic or something- and the line of his thighs beneath the fabric has just the heaviness Billy is looking for. He steps back again.
“What’s the myth again?” Steve’s jaw gains definition when he speaks with his head at this angle.
“The Death of Hyacinthus.”
“I know that part.” Steve rolls his hand a little. “The part before that. How does he die?”
“He- hang on.” Billy steps close again to push things around, make the lines right. “The wind- Zephyr- gets jealous of his beauty. Apollo throws a discus, and Zephyr pushes it off course, so it knocks Hyacinth in the head. Apollo holds him while he dies.” Billy says it all matter-of-factly. He's trying not to get distracted. He picks up Steve's arm to tilt back towards him a little. His skin is warm like the sunlight staining the floor.
“That's sad.” Steve says. His arm feels relaxed in Billy’s grip. “Weren't they close? Apollo and Hyacinth.”
Billy feels a familiar warmth at his neck of this topic. This thing that always comes up when he and Steve are alone. “They were lovers.”
Steve doesn't say anything back to that.
Billy gets the composition mostly how he wants it- and he’ll probably try Steve in a couple different poses, this is only for sketching. He takes ages deciding where to set up to actually draw it- Steve makes fun of him. Billy says he’s not the one naked on a pile of old curtains. That makes Steve laugh. His stomach flexes a little when he laughs.
Billy's glad Steve can be part of his process now.
He gets some general gestures down on paper. He really nails the angle of Steve’s throat- which he's proud of. He needs the arch of the thing to be perfect. And he gets the general idea of Steve's features down quick- he’s drawn Steve's face maybe a thousand times by now. The way his arm falls is tricky- he’ll come back to that in a bit.
“Billy.”
Billy looks up at Steve’s voice. He’s sat up a little, something short of coy in his eyes. “I’m cold.”
“You’re cold.” Billy says back to him. Because he never does what Steve implies. Only what Steve says.
“Yeah, like you said- I’m bare ass naked on a pile of curtains.”
“Your calling.”
Steve laughs again. “Do you think we could close the door?”
“We?”
“You. Can you close the door.”
“Who’s the revered artist here?”
“Who’s the patron?”
Billy rolls his eyes, but he drops his chalk into the lip of his easel anyway, walks to pull the door to his studio shut, separating them from the rest of the house. Steve left it open in the first place.
“You’re not my patron.” Billy says when he gets back, picks up to start drawing again.
“I’m close.” Steve only sounds a little superior.
He’s right. He is close to being Billy's patron. He recommended Billy to his family, he talked up Billy’s version of the pieta, he introduced Billy to the Influentials of Florence, got him this nice new studio, set up in one of the family houses. He was only a little superior about it.
Mostly he was nice.
Nice to Billy. Excited about the things he drew, always asking him what he was working on.
Asked to sit for him once, twice, how many more times, he was part of the process now.
This might be what having a muse was, if Billy believed in things like having muses.
Steve scratches the back of his calf with a foot, then sets his legs back down.
“I’m surprised you don’t get bored doing this.” Billy cracks two of the knuckles on his drawing hand, shakes out his wrist. He’s only prying a little.
“I like watching you work,” comes Steve's easy reply.
“Still.” Billy smudges at a stray line with his thumb. “You’re always fidgety at dinners and shit. Not here.”
“Dinners are boring.” Steve sighs.
He had expressed that sentiment before. That he found Billy much more interesting than anything his family ever did. That he’d trade his infinite wealth for the virve Billy so possessed. Only he didn't say it like that. He said “I’d trade all of this shit for whatever makes your art so beautiful.”
And Billy said “You wouldn't want to. Trust me.”
Billy, having seared the image of Steve into his brain by now, was adding more definition in places, really letting his focus slide out of his head.
And it’s quiet for a bit. Billy doesn't notice when the silence breaks- the sound of shifting fabric, bare feet on wood floor-
“Shit, that’s really good.” Steve's voice startles Billy a little, but he doesn’t let it show. Just turns a little abruptly to find Steve leaning over his shoulder.
“Looks just like me.” Steve continued, hovering his fingertips over Billy's rendition of his nose.
“You don’t have to sound so impressed every time.” Billy rolled his eyes, pushing Steve’s hand away.
“Oh, excuse me for showing some enthusiasm.” Steve hummed another laugh, still looking at the paper. He traced a finger absentmindedly down his own flesh-and-blood nose, marveling at the likeness.
Billy couldn't focus enough to continue with Steve so close. Not like he’d never seen Steve in next to nothing before. But this was really and truly nothing. And even naked as the day he was born Steve exuded wealth in just the way he stood. Like clothes were nothing but decoration on something already… beautiful.
“Can you go back to your spot, please?” Billy got out, looking away like he was annoyed.
Steve just smiled at him before padding back to his platform, throwing the fabric back over his legs.
But now the composition was wrong-
“So,” Steve’s voice carried across the sun-soaked chambers. “Why Hyacinth?”
“What do you mean.” Billy was trying desperately to collect his thoughts.
“I mean, he’s dating a god, right? Why him? What's so special about him.”
“He’s beautiful.”
“And?”
“Well, I mean, he’s a Spartan prince, he’s legendary. Apollo doesn't even really pick him. Hyacinth has, like, a bunch of people to choose from. He picks Apollo.”
Billy can’t draw like this, especially since Steve fucked up the composition- probably on purpose.
Billy gets up with an unintentional little huff and gets close to Steve again, has to adjust his legs again, avoid staring at the pinks that dust Steve’s everywhere-
“You draw me a lot.” Steve interrupts Billy’s train of thought.
Billy looks up, holding Steve’s wrist like it was his own. “You sit for me a lot-”
“What's your favorite part to draw?”
Billy’s breathing feels thicker, like his throat is coated in honey, sweet but hard to breathe. “Of you?”
“Yeah.”
“Your nose.” Billy says easily, because it's safe to say.
Steve smiles. “You've said that before.”
“It's true.” Billy prepares to turn away again, to tell Steve they should get more done while there's still daylight.
Steve’s fingers hook against the palm of Billy's hand. This is playing with fire.
Steve lifts Billy's hand up, touches it to the bridge of his nose.
He can feel the sharp bone under his forefinger.
“Where else?”
Billy inhales. It's a feat. “Your jaw.”
Steve pulls Billy's hand down his cheek to touch his jawline. They’ve been avoiding this forever,
“And?” Cliche game of cat and mouse. Right now, Billy’s the mouse.
“Your shoulders.” Billy watches Steve drag his hand down his perfect neck to the slope of his perfect shoulders. “Steve.”
“Billy.” Steve mocks Billy’s warning tone just a little. “Come on, what else?”
Billy swallows again. He doesn't respond he just lets his hand wander lower, lower, down his chest, to his stomach-
Billy stops his hand, pushes back against Steve’s. “I’ve never drawn you nude, if that's what you’re implying.”
“Maybe you should.” Steve’s finger’s slide up Billy's forearm to hook under the edge of his rolled up sleeve.
“I’d need a couple different references...” Billy trails off. He knows Steve is about to kiss him.
It’s still delicious when he does. No number of days, weeks, waiting for one of them to make a move, of thinking what that move would be, what it would feel like, would have prepared Billy for the spit-sweet taste of a first kiss in the late afternoon.
-
i might do a part ii or just leave it like this lol
#harringrove#steve harrington#billy hargrove#steve x billy#billy x steve#harringrove fanfic#harringrove fic#my fic#my writing#its the renaissance au
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Ah, I do see your points, anon. I'm not going to post all your asks publicly because if you really feel that unsafe, it's probably best not to have a bigass chunk of your text for people to analyze and try to guess your identity from. I think one of the best points you made is about how close to home it hits when the non-fave is not only your fave but is similar to you in some way like demographic. You're not wrong for having those emotions. I do wonder if they make it hard to see how some other people feel similarly embattled on other axes.
TBH, I think one of the big problems here is that the large aggregate patterns you're talking about are racist, but most individual fics and fans are not really the problem. It's hard to know how to talk about this or who to tell to "fix" it when we're looking at free, hobbyist art.
A lot of people's tastes are certainly formed by shitty society, but once they're formed, they don't change fast if at all. Asking someone to rewrite their libido is a big ask, yet tumblr does it all the time as though it's as simple as snapping your fingers.
This leaves me with the sense that a lot of tumblr is... like... the political lesbians of porn fic or something: desire is not real, only choosing based on logic and politics. Or maybe people are so asexual that they just don't understand the lizard brain's "YES!" at some porn things and complete indifference to others?
I don't think it's great if great swaths of people feel like bottom!Nicky is super hot and top!Nicky fundamentally isn't, but I also don't think they can necessarily just turn it off like flipping a switch.
(If someone reading this doesn't like their current tastes and wants to attempt to alter them, I do think it's possible. What you should do is line up a large slate of media that prominently features characters of the ethnicity or whatever that you don't find hot/interesting. These should be leads whose emotional development drives the plot and is supposed to be central to the audience's enjoyment of the media. Watch/read/etc. this media all the time. All. The. Time. Try out many pieces because you won't like every character or every show, and we're looking for genuine enjoyment, not the fandom equivalent of a pity fuck. Spend enough time on this, and your unconscious sense of who's hot and interesting will eventually shift somewhat. This is a project you should expect to take a few years.)
But I digress.
The one tweet thing is a very toxic pattern. If TOG fandom is doing that, guys, please try to be more conscious of holding the actors of color to a higher standard (or the women or whomever). I know this often comes from a place of paying more attention to our own and wanting to set a good standard, but the effect is that minorities can't fuck up ever while white dudes get infinite passes.
Okay, on to the fic thing... Gotta say, my instant reaction to that description is "Ooh!"--as it would be for the same scenario with the characters reversed. (Ships who start out trying to kill each other are my favorite! x1000 if they're resurrecting style immortals and they literally do.) I can see how it would feel like slamming into a brick wall if you aren't kinky in just the right way and you didn't know it was coming though.
Part of why I react so strongly to a lot of discourse that runs along these lines is that I am a naturally extremely kinky person. It's not so much about what I do (which as a deeply lazy person in a long distance relationship is essentially nothing), but it's absolutely how I'm wired.
And I can tell you that my quotidian experience in fandom is sharing something I don't even realize is a big deal only to have someone I like, respect, and trust react in horror and tell me that it's triggering and awful and should not be allowed in fandom spaces because it makes "people" unsafe. It's such an instant, kneejerk reaction they don't even realize I was sharing it because it spoke to the very core of me. Lesson learned, friend. Lesson learned.
That sounds a bit off topic, I know, but bear with me: The point of that anecdote is that it's pretty common for me to get people trying to raise my awareness of things I have already thought deeply about while denying my essential humanity and not even realizing. As a kinky person who likes to make my fave the top (and generally a conflicted sadist), this constant request to explain and justify is exhausting.
I doubt most of the top!Joe fans have this precise problem simply because people who make their fave the top are much less common in fandom than people who make their fave the bottom, but I see a similar pattern with fans who are just fundamentally wired for rape fantasies (one of the most common fantasies that exists) vs. fans who just don't get rape fantasies at all. Or substitute your BDSM/kinky/messed up fantasy trope of choice. Covertly radical feminist attitudes towards kink and power are on the rise in fandom, and as a naturally kinky person, boy do I notice it!
I know that it feels like crucial activism to share these insights about why the ratio of top!Joe is hurtful, and the pain you feel is real. But it's also the case that it's a big ask to want people to listen. (Not me. Obviously, I routinely choose to engage with discourse. I mean overall.) The reason for that is that you're only seeing a fraction of what they do or who they are, and you don't know how many previous people they've listened to how many previous times. It's a very different situation from someone whose job is making some major TV series or movie or something. That person does, in my opinion, owe you some amount of listening.
Now, I'm not saying no top Joe fan was ever a jerk. I'll bet they were. There's a tendency to be rude and to publicly air your schadenfreude when you feel like everyone has been yelling at you. What I am saying is that a lot of the problem here boils down to conflicting needs, and that means there isn't a good solution. It's a situation where people are genuinely hurt, but I don't necessarily agree that other people have harmed them.
I like that you did an actual count of the explicit fics, btw. It's good to look at the real numbers. I see too little of that in these situations. My off the cuff reaction is that 2/3 to 1/3 is not a bad ratio at all compared to many fandoms, but yeah, it definitely shows a strong trend, and that can be painful. (I have a fandom where I think there's maybe like 1 bottom so-and-so fic in the entire zine era fandom. One. It's pretty extreme.)
I guess my thinking here overall is: What is the practical solution? What are we hoping to gain? What is reasonable to ask of people?
And it can't be "Well, if they would just listen..." That's just a sneaky way of saying "If you haven't done it my way, it's because you haven't listened to me yet."
So the question I would ask of people is this:
What does a non-racist fic where Joe tops look like?
What does a non-racist sex pollen, dubcon, or even noncon fic where Joe tops look like?
And if you say the latter is impossible... well... sadists exist everywhere in the world. So do doms. So do people who prefer to top in a purely physical sense. People with rape fantasies where they're the rapist exist (people who are not actually rapists, I mean). None of this is restricted to any one group. We can't categorically say fic like that about Joe is coming from a place of racism without denying the fundamental humanity of kinky MENA people who'd want to make Joe like themselves or like their ideal partner. (Yes, I agree this won't be the majority of fic writers writing top!Joe, but this is a place to start for figuring out what the better version would look like.)
IDK, maybe you're that kinkster yourself, but your asks gave me the vibe that you don't really get the drive towards those darker kinds of fics and what might be motivating it besides stereotypes and shittiness.
If we can answer these kinds of questions, we can better critique the way people write what they write without telling them all of their taste is bad and they should just stop writing. Even if we think the latter is true, it isn't going to get us anywhere. Figuring out how to make Joe more multidimensional in the fic they already want to write or finding very specific wording that should be avoided might actually work.
Beyond that, the actions I think are productive would be running prompt fests, exchanges, or other events for bottom!Joe or for top!Joe where he's the main character and the fics are required to be from his POV. Themed collections and recs lists are great. (I've seen a bit of this going around in TOG fandom in the past, and that's an excellent approach! Keep it up!) Positive actions tend to work better here. Make more of what you want. Promote what you want to see.
I don't mean this in some fluffy magical thinking way: you aren't going to change that ratio radically just by the power of positivity. But I've seen this kind of thing play out in many, many fandoms, and going after the people who write what you don't like, even in a well-intentioned effort to educate and even in a polite, kind way doesn't do much. A few people feel guilty. A few feel defensive. A lot ignore you. The overall fic doesn't change. It's not a good use of your limited time and energy.
I'm off to look up that fic to see what I think of it in practice, but I'm going to post this before tumblr manages to eat it.
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Fake Boyfriend
Bakugo Katsuki x Reader
Prompt: Mineta is a creep and you devise a plan for it to come to an end.
Word Count: 1290
Reader: Female
Warning: Gotta love a good fake dating trope... Very Americanized, I’m so sorry. lmk if you guys want more parts, I have a few in mind.
Masterlist
Part 2
=====
You were sat on your bed, trying to finish the last bit of homework before the weekend started. Notes and books were spread out in front of you while the assignment laid in your lap untouched. Something was running through your head that you couldn’t let go of.
You bite the end of your pencil, trying to process what’s going through your mind. It wasn’t a topic you were well versed on. The girls brought it up today and the words echoed. Flicking your gaze over at your desk where Bakugo was sitting, the temptation to break the silence was high.
“Bubba?” You call out in a small voice.
He lets out a small grumble, his focus never leaving his homework. “What did I say about that?”
You roll your eyes at him, “I’ve been calling you that since we were kids and I’m not stopping now. I’ve told you that before.” You chide with a small smile. The two of you have been friends from the womb it seems since your mothers were friends. Growing up together, spending every moment together up until you were sent off to an all-girls boarding school for middle school.
Reuniting at UA, the two of you caught up like no time had passed. The difference is Bakugo’s ego and strive to become the number one hero only increased. He would never admit it, but he had a soft spot for his childhood best friend.
“Do you think…” You scratch the back of your neck, uncomfortable with the topic. “Do you think… Mineta is a bit…” Your voice trails off as you try to find the right word. “Too friendly with me?”
He lets out a snort, unaware of the serious shift in the air. “Yea, that kids a fucking perv. You give him a skirt and he’ll try to look up it.”
“No— Katsuki.” You let out a sigh and rub your hand over your face. “This is serious, please.” You beg while staring at the back of his head.
The blond stiffens in his seat at your words. He fiddles with his pencil, mentally preparing himself before he sets it down and spins his chair. Leaning forward with his hands on his knees, he directs all his attention to you.
“The girls were talking today about him and Mina mentioned how it seemed like I was his favorite.” Your eyes shift down to your hands as you fiddle with the end of your sweatshirt. “It made me think and then I started to notice and I just—“ Shaking your head at how ridiculous you sound, you cut yourself off. “I don’t know. I’m being stupid.”
Katsuki stays quiet for a few moments, trying to plan his words carefully to not offend you. “First of all, you are not stupid. You’re just a bit clueless.” He starts off causing you to let out a scoff, after all these years you think you would be used to his bluntness, “I meant with… sexual stuff. And he likes to take advantage of that.”
You nod and go quiet as you process the information. Being at an all-girls took a toll on… that kind of education but it never really processed. Mineta always made you uncomfortable but you never realized how… until now.
“Do you want me to kick his ass?” He stands up with his fist balled at his sides, “I’ll kick his ass right now, I’ve been waiting to ever since—“
“No, no,” You shake your head at him, chuckling at his enthusiasm. He never failed to defend you, even back when it was a playground bully. But this was different, you were grown up now. Plus, it was more complicated than insulting your pigtails. “Hurting him won’t make him learn anything, Katsuki.”
“Then what will?”
You wrack your brain, trying to come up with a better way to scare the creep off. Now that you told Katsuki, you had to come up with a plan or he’d take it into his own hands. No matter how much you begged him not to, he always did things like that.
Then an idea pops into mind causing you to let out a gasp. A large smile appears on your face as you scramble off your bed towards him, crumpling all the notes in the process. Katsuki knows that face too well.
“What dumb idea just wiggled its way into that small brain of yours?” He demands as you stand in front of him.
You let out a little giggle as you grab his hands, not noticing the way his breath hitches at the contact. “Bakugo Katsuki,” You look up at him through your lashes. “Will you do the honors of being my boyfriend?”
“Your what?” He screams in your face but you are unfazed. He rips his hands out of yours and glares at you. “Are you crazy?”
Rolling your eyes at his dramatics, you explain yourself, “If I was dating someone, maybe Mineta would leave me alone.”
“Why me? Why can’t you ask one of the other idiots?”
“Because you’re… you.” You weakly defend, knowing the other boys wouldn’t care for your antics. You, once again, grab his hands and look up at him. “So, will you, Bubba?” You ask, putting your best puppy dog face.
Katsuki’s facade never fades as his heartbeat picks up. He’s imagined this day before but he didn’t think it was going to be a cover-up because you wanted a little purple perv to leave you alone.
“I—“
A knock at the door interrupts his answer making you throw your head back with a groan. You drop his hands and stomp over to the door. Swinging it open, you snap at whoever is standing there, “What?”
“Chill, dudette.” Denki greets, a large smile on his face.
“Yea, what’s got your panties in a twist?” Mineta’s nasally voice catches your attention making you look down. His chuckle that follows sends shivers down your spine.
“Oh, hey.” You switch your tone into an upbeat one. “What do you guys need?”
Mineta and Denki share a look, smirks coming onto their faces.
“Some of us were going down to the beach before the sun set and were wondering if you wanted to come with us,” Mineta asks while not-so-subtly checking you out.
“Oh,” You breathe out, shifting uncomfortably at the thought of being in your swimsuit around him. “I—“
“She’s busy, runt.” Bakugo appears behind you, a hand on the door frame and the other slipping around your waist. Your eyes widen and you look up at him. He smiles down at you causing a small blush to appear on your face.
The smirks are wiped off their faces and are replaced with flabbergasted expressions, jaws dropped to the floor.
“Are you guys gonna just stand there or…?” He raises an eyebrow, his attention going back to the boys, “We were kind of in the middle of something, weren’t we?” He gives you a rough pull, bringing you closer to him with a sly grin. You’re snapped out of your daze when he squeezes your side.
“Oh,” Flicking your gaze back to the two boys, “yea, yea.” You aggressively nod with a large smile. “Bye!” And with that, you slam the door in their faces.
Denki and Mineta stand there, staring at the door. Their minds were boggled at their encounter with the new “couple”. On the other side of it, you were trying to keep your excitement quiet. Holding a hand over your mouth to muffle your squeal, you bounce up and down in front of him. Bakugo watches with a tired expression on his face, he didn’t regret his actions but he knew he was going to regret the outcome.
#katsuki bakugo x reader#bakugo katsuki x reader#mha#my hero academia imagine#katsuki x reader#bakugou imagine#bnha bakugou
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If you could, can you please write JayTim or RoyTim (whichever one you want) trying to be romantic and woo Tim (maybe with some puns, I love puns), but Tim is a bit oblivious towards it, because the other is so cool, therefore they must be trying to make friends and be nice with him and nothing more. So when he does finally realize its an italicized "Oh" moment.
Hi lovely!! Thank you for waiting so patiently for this fill. I... ended up making it JayRoyTim, I hope that's okay? It just fit so well, but I can totally write something else with JayTim or RoyTim for you if you want :)
Also, it turned out to be about pick-up lines more than wooing, sorry. I might’ve gone overboard with googling the puns. It's long enough that I put it on ao3, too. What's your username on there? Then I'll gift it to you.
if you were a transformer (you’d be optimus fine)
“Well, here I am.”
Tim looks up, utterly confused. “I didn’t call for you, but… that’s… great?”
Roy waggles his eyebrows. It looks faintly disturbing. Redheads should maybe not do that. Or, actually, Tim revises mentally, thinking of literally every other redhead Dick ever dated—that’s just Roy. “What are your other two wishes?”
“Coffee and some silence to finish working this case?”
Roy looks weirdly deflated at that, but he does get him some coffee. Tim soon forgets about it.
—
(“How’d it go?”
“Does obliviousness run in the family?”
“Yes. Yes it does. Have you met Bruce?”
“…okay, fair. Your turn next.”)
—
“Jason? What’re you doing here?”
Sure, Jason and Roy have been spending a lot more time in Gotham lately. Something to do with a case, Tim assumes. Maybe even with the one that they worked on together in Star City five months ago?
Anyway. They’ve been around, is what Tim is saying. Not at the manor, but at Tim’s apartment and his workspace, cause apparently it’s not worth rebuilding their safe house after it went up in flames, and Bruce and Damian are too often at Dick’s place. He’s not exactly surprised to see either of them anymore. (Pleased, yes. But not surprised.) However, Tim has no fucking clue why Jason is currently grinning at him from the other side of the library desk.
At least Tim has the good sense to check his name tag before he gasps: “Jason?”
“Oh, hey, Tim.” Jason’s grinning. “Guess you figured out my new job, huh?”
“Yeah.” Tim shakes his head. “Color me surprised.” So this is what Jason’s spending his days doing. He’s gotta be shadowing someone, right? Tim’ll ask him tonight.
“I’ve always liked this place.” Jason’s gaze is far away for a moment. Tim badly wants to know what he’s remembering. Then the older man seems to come back to himself and gives Tim a weird—maybe angry?—look. “It’s a good thing I’m a librarian, too, cause I’m totally checking you out.”
“Alright, I can take a hint.” Tim grabs his book and demonstratively walks over to the self-service scanners. Really. How rude.
—
(“Are you telling me he managed to resist you in your cardigan?”
“Apparently.”
“Aww. C’mere, babe.”)
—
So Roy blows things up all the time. No, really, Tim now totally understands why Dick was so happy when he heard the duo is camping out at Tim’s place for a change. His older brother even gave Tim a thumbs-up, for God’s sake. He must’ve known.
Cause yeah, there’s at least one explosion every two days. Or Roy dropping something cause he’s too focused on what he’s thinking to remember what his hands are doing. Or something dropping on him. Jason seems used to it; he just catches whatever it is or laughs at Roy. Tim… is starting to learn to do the same, actually. Whatever Roy comes up with at that moment is usually worth it, and besides, he’s kinda adorable.
Aaaaaaanyway. (He’s using that word a lot in his own thoughts right now. Almost as if he’s avoiding thinking about something. Hmm.) Tim’s not surprised when Roy walks into a room, stumbles, and slaps a hand over his eyes with a dramatic exclamation.
Tim, in shorts and not much else cause he got drenched in pollen earlier, just raises an eyebrow. “Alright, Roy?”
“Nope.” Roy’s hand is still covering his face, but Tim can still see his grin underneath. “I’m gonna need your name and phone number for insurance purposes.”
“Roy. You have both of these things,” Tim explains slowly, wondering if Roy sustained a brain injury or accidentally dosed himself on something. “And why insurance?”
“I was blinded by your beauty.”
God. Sometimes Tim wonders about the original Titans and their socialization for the two dudes if this is how they think making friends works. Then again, Kori, Donna, and Dick probably appreciated constant compliments about their beauty. It all makes sense. Roy must be so used to it that he even uses those same methods when someone unexceptional like Tim is around.
He smiles gamely. “I’m looking forward to hearing that phone call. Must be almost as great as the time Bruce tried to convince his insurance company that Clark dropping on his car wasn’t an act of God because God is demonstrably not a Kryptonian. Neither was the giant ape punching Clark out.”
Roy drops his hand at that. “…Batman did what?”
—
(“You were doing so well, too.”
“I knoooow. How much more obvious can we get?”
“I dunno, but I intend to try.”)
—
“Do you like Star Wars? Because Yoda only one for me!”
“Haha. No. Star Trek or die.” Tim’s answer is automatic. He’s had these discussions soooo many times with Kon before. Of course Jason also goes for the space cowboy soap opera.
Besides, Jason’s boyfriend is standing right next to him. He doesn’t mean to sound flirtatious with Tim. Or maybe he does, and it’s just good fun? Or maybe teasing him? Tim can’t figure it out, but he knows he doesn’t like the weird hollow feeling he gets in his stomach when he thinks about it, so he changes the topic.
And makes both of them sit down to watch some classic Captain Kirk, of course.
—
(“Should I be insulted by that pick up line?”
“Nah. There aren’t that many lines that imply a polycule, though.”
A kiss. “Alright.”)
—
One of the things Jason and Tim have in common is their predilection for motorbikes and fiddling around with them. Not that makes them unique in the batclan; Tim has never spent days quietly working side-by-side with Dick, though, the way he does with Jason. They started out with separate projects. Then Jason saw this vintage Ducati at an abandoned warehouse he was about to blow up and, well… Would be a shame, right? Tim just happens to have had one of these before—regrettably lost to one of Harley’s exploding baseball bats—so he offers his expertise.
It’s not because it means bending over the engine with Jason, closer than they ever are, their hands brushing when they hand each other instruments. It’s not.
Roy doesn’t join them. He’s too polite to say so, but he finds normal cars and bikes boring af. Doesn’t stop him from popping his head into the garage and whistling when he sees that they are shirtless and covered in grease. It’s a damn good look on Jason, so Tim can’t fault him for that.
Roy follows it up with a: “Are you a parking ticket? Cause you got fine written all over you.”
Tim can’t help it; he blushes at the suggestive tone. Those two never stop flirting with each other, do they? So far, he has managed to avoid stumbling over them while they’re making out (not that they’re making that easy—the kitchen? Really?), and he’d like to keep avoiding that, thank you very much. He’s already feeling guilty enough for his fantasies as it is.
“Uh. I should clean up,” he mumbles and flees.
—
(“Dammit.”
“…do you think that was a rejection?”
“Nah. He was definitely checking me out before you came and fucked it up.”
“That’s saying something if you noticed it.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”)
—
So Tim has magically acquired cat ears and a very fluffy tail. Don’t ask. They’re gonna go away in eight hours, and until then, he’s gonna stay in the cave and work himself to distraction. Jason seems intent on keeping him company, though.
(It’s nice. Tim loves hanging out with Jason—that’s not the problem. The issue is that Tim is looking ridiculous, and Jason is being nice about it, and none of this is helping his stupid crush go away.)
They’re absently chatting about nothing until Jason says: “Kinda a pity you’re a cat, though.”
Tim looks up. Huh? Admittedly, he never pegged Jason as the type to go for catboys (though maybe… he did hang out with Kyle… perhaps it’s just that he definitely doesn’t go for Tims), but that’s still a weird pronouncement.
Jason is grinning. “If you were a chicken, you’d be impeccable.” He pauses. “Wait. Like even more than you already are. Uh.”
Tim sighs. Great. And now Jason is making fun of him again. “Whatever.”
—
(“A chicken?”
“Shut up. I panicked.” A sigh. “He was so cute with these ears.”
“…yeah, he was.”)
—
“You must be tired. You’ve been running through my mind all night.”
“I’m not tired,” Tim says automatically. Why does everyone keep asking him that tonight? Surely the shadows under his eyes can’t be that bad? He used concealer!
Something in Roy’s expression softens. “Aww. C’mere.” He pats the space on the couch next to him, and when Tim sits down, Roy pulls him half of on top of him and into a hug. “Relax for a bit, little bird.”
Tim sinks into the embrace, boneless all of a sudden. Roy just has that effect on him. Tim vaguely remembers thinking of him as his oldest brother’s cool friend and then Jason’s cool boyfriend, kind of a fuckboy but clearly good for Jay.
Now? Now, Roy just makes him feel safe.
—
(“So you spent the night on the couch just so he could sleep in your arms?”
“Yeah. Totally worth it.”
“Duh.”
“I just wish we could do that with him every night. Bet he fits perfectly between us.”
“Yeah.”
A pause.
“We might have to up the ante or switch tactics.”)
—
They’re talking about their favorite books—Tim doesn’t read as much as Jason does, but they discovered a shared love of sci-fi weeks ago—when Tim says: “Actually, that book kinda reminds me of you.”
“Oh?”
“Overly dramatic but good.”
Jason makes an offended noise, and Tim grins.
“I’m not sure which part I should argue about first.” Jason pretends to think.
Tim is always down to tell Jason that fuck his self-perception—Jason is a good man, one of the best Tim knows; that also feels too revealing right now. Instead, he gets up from their comfortable position on the couch and grabs the first stack on the table, carrying them over to the shelves to replace the gaps. “What kind of book would I be?”
“Babe, if you were words on a page, you’d be fine print.”
“Annoying and no one reads it?” Tim asks without turning around, trying to ignore the babe. That’s. That’s gotta be a slip of the tongue, right? Force of habit from spending so much time with Roy?
“No, fine,” and the emphasis is clear this time. Jason continues before Tim can reply: “Though if we’re talking books…”
Tim whirls around. “Save it. You don’t have to make fun of me just because I—“He swallows down the words.
Jason looks alarmed. “Tim—“
As if he can smell trouble, Roy chooses that moment to enter the room. Tim has barely heard him approach, Jesus. He doesn’t want to have this argument in front of Roy, though, so he just stands there in the middle of the room. Jason, too, has stopped speaking.
Roy, of course, takes one look at the awkwardness and decides to make it worse. Or more confusing.
“Did you just come out of the oven?” he asks.
“As this isn’t Hansel and Gretel, no, I didn’t.” Tim checks his shirt, just in case this is an actual conversation opener and not just a weird attempt at a distraction. “Do I have soot on me?”
“Nope.” Roy shakes his head, and he’s smiling that smile again, the one Tim is startled to recognize, the one he thought is reserved only for Jason— “Because you’re hot.”
And finally, Tim gets it. “Me?”
“Yes, Tim.” Roy’s moving in closer. “You.”
There’s a soft touch to Tim’s shoulder, and Tim whirls around, expecting Jason to be mad, cause his boyfriend is—is hitting on Tim, right, that’s what’s happening, Jason can’t be happy—
Jason is smiling down at him. His hand is still resting on Tim’s shoulder, but it slides down to his collar bone, a gentle presence as he murmurs: “You’re so beautiful that you made forget my pick up line.”
Oh. Oh.
Tim says the first thing he can think of: “Are you a raisin?”
Jason starts grinning. “I’m not even gonna qualify that with an answer.”
Tim smiles back. “Cause you’re raising my hopes for a kiss right about now.”
And he gets one. And then another, and then Roy joins in, kissing Tim’s neck and then his mouth and—Yeah.
They’re too busy for any more pick up lines right now.
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Welcome to the Industry of Porn
Paring: Avengers X Female!Reader
Warnings: +18, heavy smut, drinking, slight angst in later chapters, fluff if you squint, and my English as usual.
Word Count: 3,451.
Summary: AU where the Avengers are Pornstars. It’s pretty self-explanatory.
Chapter: 4.
Chapter Title: A new kind of family
A/N: I finally graduated yall! So long college life! Sorry, this part took so long to post, but I had finals and graduation, and now I have to look for a job lmao. Nothing scandalous on this part, and won't until maybe the next one. which won't be you but two of my favorite characters. If you want to be tagged for this work or others please let me know by either commenting or sending me an ask.
The month after the glorious evening you and Cassie had in Las Vegas, life became full of surprises. If you were being completely honest with yourself, you hadn't expected to keep in touch with anyone you met at the party, but it seemed you had made a good impression because you were now friends with Bucky and Steve. Well, more like texting buddies as that was the only way the four—Cassie was also in the group chat Bucky had insisted on making as he found it annoying to send the same funny videos three times—could keep contact. It had started with funny videos Bucky would text you, and then Steve would send important news he found on the internet. You, of course, were confused but didn't say anything until Cassie had brought it up as she commented about a topic Steve had sent the both of you. You found it funny, really, almost ironic that you had seen those two fuck for porn and now they were trying to come up with a catchy nickname that they could bug you with. Again, ironic.
But that wasn't the only thing that had been a surprise, you had been seeing more of Tony as well. You knew that Stark was friends with the Russo's but something they had failed to mention during the party was that they were the directors behind most of the high-ranking adult movies the Avengers had. You had found out about it one week and a half after the party when you were shooting three different shorts for the Russo's, and Tony had paid a visit along with Jason. Cassie and you were confused to see both men there and had asked Joe after the day was over why they were there. He had opted to grin and say, 'he has new projects, and has been talking with Jason and us about 'em'. That had been enough for the both of you until he kept coming to every other shoot you had.
One morning, after having shot the first couple of scenes of the day, Jason knocked on the door of the room Cassie was waiting for you to finish taking a quick shower.
"Hey, what's up?" said Cassie as she opened the door to let the man in.
"Morning, I was looking for Y/n? is she still in the shower?" he asked as he looked around the bare room of the rented house where the scenes were being shot.
"Yup, she got some of it on her hair," said Cassie as she scrunched her nose. Jason huffed a laugh.
"I guess I would spend as much time in the shower if I had sperm all over my hair," he added as he took a seat on the bed, "I hope you don't mind if I wait here with ya?"
"Nah, it's fine." Cassie sat next to him as they heard your voice carry as you sang one of your favorite songs.
"So, why do you need to talk to Y/n?"
"I'm sure you and Y/n have seen Stark and I come in a couple of times," she nodded her head, "well, a couple of months ago he had to cut some people from his company and team, and he's been looking for new people and you and Y/n seem to have made an impression on him. And trust me, he rarely comes out to scout people, he has Maria Hill and Nick Fury for that."
"Wait, so you're saying that Stark wants Y/n?"
"Who wants me?" you asked as you opened the door of the bathroom, a bathrobe covering you as you used a towel to dry your hair.
"I was about to tell Cassie how Stark has personally made the time to speak with me, Joe, and Anthony so he can make a contract for you and Cassie," said Jason as he got up from the bed to face both of you and Cassie.
"What?!" you and Cassie shrieked at the same time.
"Stark has been talking to Joe and Anthony because you—" he pointed at you, "—are under contract with them, and he's been talking to me about you Cassie because he wanted to see the pictures you took of Y/n. He wants you to be part of his photography and video department."
It was silent.
Cassie sat still on the bed as she gaped at the man while you had stopped your movements with the towel still drying your wet hair. It seemed like a whole five minutes before you or Cassie moved or said anything.
"Are you pulling our legs?" you asked as you approached Cassie and sat next to her.
"I know, it sounds crazy, the man himself has been at our necks trying to make sure nothing can stop him from hiring you both," he said with a smile.
"Fuck," exclaimed Cassie as she finally looked at you. You looked at her with the same wide eyes.
"Yes."
"Excuse me?" said Jason as he looked at you. You had whispered your answer.
"Tell Stark we're in, we'll sign."
Jason smiled wider as he took his phone out of his pocket to call Tony.
Tony Stark had set up a meeting the next morning as soon as Jason had said the words 'they're in' to him. And so, the next morning, you and Cassie drove to the once 'Stark Enterprises' building which was now called 'Avengers Tower' which was the name Bucky had said the building was called. The building was tall, with numerous amount of floors that you both could only guess what they were for. Down on the first floor was only a front desk with a young woman.
"Good morning, how can I help you?" said the woman with an Irish accent.
"Morning, we're here for a meeting with Tony Stark," said Cassie with a smile. The woman asked for your last name as well as Cassie's before she let you take the elevator indicating to press 93 to arrive at Tony's office floor.
"I still can't believe we're here to sign a deal with Tony Stark so we both can work here. Like, my brain can process it still," you said as you shifted on your spot as your anxiety rose.
"You can't process it? Imagine me! I'm not even graduated and I'm about to have a job that is willing to take me even before I receive my damn diploma. Stark seems to be in a hurry if you ask me," said Cassie as she glanced at the changing numbers on the panel.
"I know, I mean Jason did tell you that he had lost some people, so maybe he's one of those people that can't be at peace if things are not to their liking, kinda like you," you said as you chuckled at the last part. As you conversed with Cassie, your nerves calmed. The doors opened announcing your arrival on the last floor of the building.
The floor was as spacious as the first floor, but this time the floor was part lobby—which was ridiculously fancy—and part Stark's office. The doors to his office were open, so he raised his head when you and Cassie came out of the elevator.
"The ladies of the hour," he said as he stood from his chair and walked around his desk as he approached you both while you two walked into his office. Which was fancy as well, full of weird tech gadgets.
"I'm glad the two of you decided to make a deal with me," he said as he signaled to the chairs in front of his desk.
You both took your seats as Tony walked over a small cabinet that to no one's surprised ended up being a wine cabinet.
"I know it's early, but would you two like a glass of wine? It's not every day I hire people," he said as he took out a wine bottle.
"Sure, why not," you said, and Cassie nodded. Soon, you three were sitting down and with a glass of wine in hand.
"Alright, so I know a lot about you Y/n which is why I know I want you to work for me. But you, Cassie, I don't know much about you aside from your work with photography. Do you know anything else aside from photography?"
Cassie cleared her throat as she felt all eyes on her.
"I know video editing, but my main focus has always been photography. I did take two semesters where I focused on digital design, but that was before I decided to just double major on photography and creative writing," she said.
"Creative writing?" he asked as he sipped his wine.
"Yeah, but that was because of the number of writing courses I had to take as GEN-ED courses and was recommended to just double major so I wouldn't have random credits," she said while she shrugged.
"So, you're good at writing?"
"Not as good as Miss almost-a-journalism-major over here," she said as she pointed at you, which made you groan. She knew how it annoyed you to be reminded of your failed attempts to make it through college.
You expected Tony to laugh along with Cassie who let out a chuckle at your reaction, but Tony looked at you with raised eyebrows but before you could ask anything, he smiled and pulled out two contracts along with two fountain pens.
"Well, I guess that's good to know because the position I want you to have involves a little of everything of what you do," he sat back on his chair, "I want you to be head of the department. The last person was fired because it turned out I was trusting the wrong kind of people, so this time I wanted something fresh to erase the mark they left and teach new things to those who stayed here. Your job, if you take it, will involve taking pictures of my starts when they work. I will have to work on the schedule that way you know who you'll be working with, sometimes you'll have another person with you because there are never too many pictures when they're good. You will also be asked to keep up with the video vlogs some of my starts have, you just gotta make sure they're submitting good things. You will have a team for that, you want a good video done, they'll do it, but you can always do it yourself if you want. And lastly, every year two of my departments come together for the yearly special issue but that is still months away, so no need to worry about it right now. So, Cassie, can I trust that you will be able to do this?"
You and Cassie were speechless at the number of things she would have to do. Your job was easy: act, fuck, and repeat. Hers? There's a reason why you dropped out of college, and she didn't. She could do it.
"I'll admit, it is scary the number of things I would be doing, but Mr. Stark, I can assure you that I will give my one-thousand-percent for this opportunity. I will not break that trust, sir."
She understood that it was serious, therefore you did try to hold a chuckle at how formal she sounded with him contrary to what she had sounded back at the party.
Tony took a minute to analyze Cassie's face before he gave a chuckle and grinned.
"Cassie, you have me convinced that I am making the right choice by adding you to my team," he pushed the contracts toward you both, one for you and one for Cassie, "Now, you Y/n, I already know I want you here and if I'm being honest, I have some people that were quick to tell me that you are one of the few that actually take this job seriously. It's hard to find that professionalism these days. So, here are the contracts. I know this was super last minute, so you can get comfortable outside and read them over. If you have any questions or want to go over any section of the contract, just walk right in."
With that, you both grabbed the contract. Cassie made herself comfortable on the big couch, she held a groan as the comfy couch could make her fall asleep within seconds, you opted for the lone sofa.
Neither of you could believe it was really happening, you were minutes away from signing with the brand that introduced you to this world, and Cassie was also minutes away from signing with the same brand she never thought she would be working for, and she was sure no other job would offer her an important position like the one Tony was trusting her with. It was all too surreal, yet it felt right. It felt like this was the right path and life had finally been kind enough to shed some light toward it.
While you were almost done with the contract, the last couple of pages talked about one of the offers/benefits if you worked for the company: living accommodations. You read over it carefully as it seemed like it was too good to be true. The building was not only the headquarters, but it also housed all the stars and the majority of the staff that work at the company. It was not mandatory, but each of the house-floors offered up to ten rooms, one full kitchen, one spacious common area, and each bedroom offered a personal full bathroom, and a spacious room with a queen-sized bed—which could be changed if you opted to buy a different one—and you could decorate the room however you wanted. Everything was paid for, there was no rent, but you would be in charge of your own groceries, necessities, and room furniture. The pay was good, the deal was great, the decision was made.
You showed Cassie what you had finished reading, and she had to read it from her contract to believe it. It was no surprise when she said that she would have to rent her apartment to the other college students because there was no way in hell she was going to pass out on living here along with you. Besides, the drive to the university was long from here.
Soon after that you both took a deep breath and signed the contract. Now, Tony needed to sign, and it would be a sealed deal.
You both, with grins on your face, walked in and Tony, upon seeing you both, clapped his hands and grabbed the contracts you both had set on the desk for him. He scanned it over and smiled when he saw that you both had signed for the living arrangements as well. He looked up with a bright smile.
"Well, only one thing left to do," he grabbed his pen and signed where he needed it. "Welcome to the family, you two are officially Avengers."
Before Tony could get up and serve some drinks to celebrate, the elevator announced the arrival of a new person. You all turned your heads to see Pepper walk toward where all of you were.
"Did they sign?" said Pepper as soon as she saw both of you, a smile plastered on her face.
Tony stepped around his desk and walked toward her.
"Yes, Pepper, they are officially part of the team," said Tony with a grin as he looked proud about landing a deal with you both.
"Those are great news because I already made a reservation at the new forties-themed restaurant down a couple of streets," she said as she looked happy about her actions, and she typed on her phone, and two dings were heard. You and Cassie pulled out your phones to see that Pepper had sent the address to the place.
"Nothing fancy, it's just going to be a small dinner, I'll have Jarvis pick you up at seven at your place—"she clasped her hands together and smiled, "—this is so exciting!"
By six-forty-five, the man named Jarvis—a man with a British accent and looks that had Cassie practically drooling—knocked on your door to take you both to the restaurant Pepper had made the reservations at.
The drive was quiet and quick, and soon enough you had arrived. Pepper stood outside as she waited for the car to park in front of her. Cassie opened her door before anyone could do it for her because she had an inkling that a minute too long and she would have Jarvis or Pepper open it for you and her.
She greeted both of you and guided you in as you three thanked Jarvis. The ambiance of the restaurant was beautiful and captivating that you couldn't but gape at the place. It wasn't fancy but it definitely gave that presence. Tony was waiting as he conversed with some of the people that had already arrived. You didn't recognize the people at first but soon your mind showed you where you knew them from. Some of them were definitely future co-stars while others were definitely people Cassie was going to work with as you had never seen them before.
He walked toward you when he spotted you, Cassie, and Pepper. He got up from his chair as he walked next to Pepper.
"Glad you're here, ladies," he said as he looked at the people who were now getting up from their chairs, "these are Y/n and Cassie."
A man named Bruce shook both of your hands with a shy smile, he said that he worked for the tech and art department. He was the one who helped create the sets for the movies as well as for the short films. Then another man introduced himself as Nick Fury who was the man in charge of casting—he was director—and then his second in command introduced herself as Maria Hill. Next came a woman who you knew as Captain Marvel, but her name was Carol. You couldn't help but blush at how pretty she was and not to mention the fact that you had a big crush on her. Lastly, Quicksilver and the Scarlet Witch introduced themselves as Pietro and Wanda. They were nice, and you couldn't help but feel that Pietro was being extra nice to you and Cassie.
The conversations started flowing as soon as Tony had said for everybody to take a seat as he announced that the others were soon to arrive. And within ten minutes everyone that had been invited came, which to you and Cassie was definitely not a small number of people to make Pepper's "small dinner" feel like one.
When everybody was seated, and Pepper had told Tony that no one else was arriving, he had the waiter serve a glass of champagne to everyone. Once the waiters had gone and served everyone, Tony stood from his chair and called for everyone's attention.
"Thank you, all of you, for canceling plans last minute as Pepper decided to do this impromptu dinner, but at the same time, this is a dinner that is important for all of us. As some of you know, a couple of months ago we hit a rough patch, some people got fired, and it left us in a hard spot. We had enemies amongst us, and they had been selling our ideas to those channels. I didn't know what to do, and I didn't want to hire anyone else that would cause more damage to this company, so I went out of my way and scouted people. It turned out, there's not a lot of people that impress me, but some weeks ago I had the pleasure of meeting two lovely ladies who managed to get me hooked—" he motioned with his hand to you and Cassie, "—Miss Y/n and Miss Cassie here, just today, signed their contracts and will be working with us pretty soon. Y/n will be joining my precious collection of starts while Cassie will be joining the post-production team as well with the photography department which she will hold the role of head of the department. I'm not big on adding new people to my company but I refuse to pass out on people I know will succeed here, so I want all of you to help them make themselves feel at home as they will be housed with us. So, if you could raise your glasses, I want to welcome you officially and warmly, Y/n Y/l/n and Cassie Ayers, to this one big dysfunctional family!"
Along with laughs and cheers, Cassie and you could hear the quick 'welcome' some people directed at the both of you. You two thanked Tony as he motioned his glass toward the both of you before gulping it down.
You both looked at each other before looking around at the people who tried to introduced themselves and or wanted to congratulate you both on being part of the company.
It all felt great, it felt right, and you were ready to live a life you felt good about.
Welcome to the Industry Taglist:
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Permanent Taglist:
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#+18#Welcome to the industry#avengers#avengers au#steve rogers#bucky barnes#natasha romanoff#captain america#winter soldier#smut#reader#reader insert#multichapter#theravenclawlover#tony stark#wanda maximoff#pietro maximoff#peggy carter#sharon carter#peter parker#clint barton#pepper potts#angst#fluff#fanfiction#mcu#marvel#spiderman#thor#loki
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You Came Back (3/3)
Juice Ortiz x Reader
Request from @ateliefloresdaprimavera: Juice has a special place in my heart, so I'm denying his ending on the show😭 I want to foccus on the nurturing,fluffy and romantic side that he deserves😍 maybe something about Opie and Jax childhood friend who comes back to charming( Gemma always thought of her as her own kid) and she's really closed of emotionaly, bit our boy is smitten from the second he has his eyes on her. so romantic Juice overdrive, and she starts to see this side of life that's worth, by his side
Warnings: language, soft confessions and feelings like whoa
Word Count: 2.9k
A/N: The conclusion of this little mini-series! Thanks for the request, I hope you enjoyed it! xo
Chapter Index: Part 1, Part 2
You and Juice became fast friends as the days went by. Jax and Opie would bug you about it when it was just the three of you. They insisted that something more must be going on between the two of you. It was easy to deny it, because it wasn’t true. But you couldn’t deny that Juice did have a little bit of a lost-puppy look whenever he was with you. That boy would follow you anywhere you asked him to.
“You guys have weekly dates now,” Opie said with a laugh, “You’re essentially a couple.”
You shook your head, “They aren’t dates. I don’t know why you guys can’t believe that two people can spend time with each other and not be fucking. That’s a you problem.”
“Fine, whatever,” Jax said with a chuckle, “But he’s definitely a little in love with you.”
You rolled your eyes, “Oh shut up no he is not. He doesn’t even really know me.”
“And whose fault is that?” Opie said before taking a sip of his beer.
It sent a mild jolt of fear through your body when he asked that question. You shook your head, trying to dismiss the topic, “What is this? You guys want me to date him or something?”
“I’d never tell someone to hook up with your crazy ass,” Jax laughed, “But I don’t think he’s interested in taking my advice at this point,” he searched your face, trying to figure out what you were thinking, “You seeing him later?”
You sighed, knowing that answering truthfully was going to invite a bunch of other questions and issues, “Maybe.”
“What’s the big date plan tonight?” Jax’s voice was dripping with sarcasm.
“Not a date,” you shot him a glare, “We’re just hanging out at his house.”
“His house?” Jax raised his eyebrows.
“Sure as hell not inviting him here,” you laughed and shook your head, “You boys done grilling me about it?” you got up and grabbed your purse and your keys, “I have places to be.”
Jax and Opie stayed seated at the counter, laughing as you pulled your shoes on and got ready to storm out of the house. Opie tilted his bear towards you, “Tell Juice we said hello.”
You didn’t respond, instead just turned and walked out, shutting the door behind you a little harder than necessary. Your thoughts flew through your brain at record speeds as you made your way to Juice’s house. For as much time as the two of you spent together, you never really let him in. You hadn’t even talked to Jax and Opie about how you ended up back in Charming, and you’d known them for as long as you could remember. But Juice never brought it up, not since the first time you two really spoke. You wondered why he was so okay with being kept at arms-length.
When you got to Juice’s house, you let yourself in. He was on the couch, deeply entrenched in his current round of Call of Duty. You smiled and shook your head as you toed off your shoes and made your way over to the couch. He looked over at you for a moment and flashed you a smile before retuning his attention to the television. You sat back and watched, laughing at how worked up he and his friends would get over it.
When the match was over, he took off his headset and turned to you, “Sorry about that.”
You chuckled and shook your head, “You’re fine. Sorry you guys didn’t at least get a win.”
He shrugged it off, “It’s whatever. Still up for pizza and movies?”
You nodded, “Of course!”
The two of you had demolished the pizza you had ordered. All that was left was the empty box where you both were starting to accumulate your empty beer bottles. You were both sitting on opposite ends of the couch. Your legs stretched across the cushions while he rested his feet on the end of the coffee table. His eyes were glued to the television despite the fact that he had seen the movie a million times before. You were trying to stay focused, but your mind kept replaying everything that had been happening over the last few weeks.
“Thank you,” you blurted out.
He looked over at you, clearly confused, “For what?”
You felt your face heating up, “For, you know, not being a total dick,” you chuckled.
He laughed, “That’s a low bar that I’m more than happy to meet.”
“Why are you so okay with being friends with someone you know nothing about?”
His expression softened, “I know enough about you to know that you’re someone that I want in my life,” there was a look in his eyes that let you know that he had his own demons to battle, “And opening up is…hard. I get it.”
A small smile crept across your face, “You this sweet to everyone, Juan Carlos?”
He chuckled, “No.”
You both returned your attention to the television but your chest felt a little lighter. He didn’t look over at you but his hand absently crept over and came to rest on your leg. You smiled, fighting the urge to look at him. Neither of you said anything more as you finished the rest of the movie.
When you got to the office at T-M the next day, there was a coffee waiting for you on your desk. You smiled as you looked at the note that was resting on top of it, “Since I know you had a late night. -JC” You took a sip and chuckled to yourself at the fact that he knew your order. Maybe he really did know a thing or two about you.
Over the course of the next week, almost every morning you came in to something small on your desk. It wasn’t ever anything crazy or extravagant. He’d leave you your favorite candy bar or a snack. One morning you walked in and laughed when you saw that there was a milkshake sitting on your desk. He never mentioned it when he saw you throughout the day, just carrying on a conversation with you as normal.
You walked into the office on Saturday morning and there were two slips of paper waiting for you on your desk. Both had Juice’s handwriting on them. All the first note said was, “Dinner and a movie? -JC” and the second one was a makeshift movie ticket that he had clearly drawn up himself. You couldn’t stop smiling, laughing when you saw that he wrote, “Theater Number: My House”.
You walked over to the shop, knowing that this time you’d have to address what he had left on your desk. For a minute you thought that he was gone doing club business, but then you saw his legs sticking out from underneath a car that he was working on. You smiled as you silently pulled up a stool and sat down to wait for him to finish up whatever he was working on.
The sound of him muttering and cursing drifted out from underneath the car and you accidentally let a laugh slip past your lips. The next sound was a thud, followed by Juice quietly but forcefully saying, “Fuck,” and you had to assume that the thud was the sound of his head smacking against something underneath the vehicle.
He slid out and looked up at you, one hand resting on his forehead, “I didn’t know you were here.”
You chuckled, “I was waiting for you to finish whatever it is you’re doing down there.”
He sat upright, “I should probably take a break anyway.”
Your eyes grew wide when he dropped his hand back down to his side—whatever his head had collided with had put a gash into his forehead, “Jesus Christ, your head.”
“What?” he ran his fingers across and looked at them, sighing when he saw the blood, “Shit.”
You stood up and helped him to do the same before having him sit on the stool, “Wait here. I got some band-aids and stuff in my office.”
You came back to him with your very unofficial and incomplete first-aid kit. You didn’t have much, but you had enough to take care of the cut on his forehead. You gently cleaned it with a damp paper towel before wiping it down with alcohol. He cringed but didn’t say anything.
“You want a regular band-aid or a superhero one?”
He chuckled, “Only if you have Spider-Man in there.”
You dug around the box and pulled one out with a smile, “You’re in luck.”
You were gently smoothing the bandage onto his forehead when you looked down to take in his expression. His eyes were closed and there was a calm smile on his face—you knew he was soaking up the feeling of you taking care of him. Your breath got caught in your throat for a minute and you had to focus on taking a deep breath as you felt your heartbeat pick up speed.
“So,” you cleared your throat, trying to get your composure back, “this doesn’t seem like a hospital-worthy injury. Think you’ll be stable enough for dinner and a movie tonight?”
He opened his eyes and smiled up at you, “You tell me, doc. Think I’ll be alright?”
You chuckled, nodding, “Yea, a night in and plenty of rest might be just the thing you need.”
You let your hand slide down and cup the side of his face for a moment before you caught yourself and nervously took it away. You could tell by the look in Juice’s eye that the gesture wasn’t lost on him. He was right—opening up wasn’t easy, but you felt like you were reaching a point where you had no other choice.
“If Spider-Man doesn’t hold up,” you attempted to redirect the conversation, “come see me. I think I have a Hulk one that will do the trick.”
He smiled at you, “Thanks,” he watched you as you walked back to the office, bringing his hand up to rest where yours had just been.
You didn’t really talk to him for the rest of the day, both of you being wrapped up in your own responsibilities. The closest you came was overhearing the guys making fun of his band-aid. He took the heckling in stride, the way that he always did, and you couldn’t help but to shake your head.
He popped into the office at the end of the day, arms and hands streaked with grease but his head seemed like it hadn’t suffered any more than it did in the morning. “Hey, uh, I gotta head home and shower,” he chuckled, “Because I’m fucking gross right now. But if you want, I can come pick you up later.”
“A chauffer to the movie theater?” you smirked at him from your desk.
He laughed, “Exactly.”
You tapped your pen lightly on the desk a few times, trying to figure out if you were going to say something about all the thoughts that had been racing through your head. You gnawed lightly at the inside of your cheek for a moment before forcing yourself to meet his eyes, “Is this a date?”
His eyes widened for a moment, not expecting the question, “I…um…I mean,” he rested his hand on the back of his neck, “You want it to be?”
“Do you?”
He chuckled, not able to look you in the eyes, “If it was up to me, I would’ve taken you out on a date the first night I met you.”
You felt your heart skip a beat inside your chest, “I got a lot of shit I gotta work through, Juan,” you weren’t expecting your voice to sound so soft.
He smiled at you, his expression always so comforting, “I’m just asking to pick you up for dinner and a movie. That’s all.”
You nodded, feeling a little better, “Right. Yea, okay.”
He nodded and lightly knocked on the doorframe, “I’ll see you later, then,” he flashed you a grin before taking off out the door.
You were sitting on the couch in the living room, trying not to feel too anxious as you waited for Juice to come and pick you up. Your only saving grace was that Jax wasn’t home, so you weren’t going to be bombarded with questions about why Juice was picking you up.
You heard the sound of his bike pulling into the driveway and you practically leapt off the couch. You walked over and out the front door, meeting him on the front steps. He smiled at you, letting out a quiet laugh as you shut and locked the door behind you.
“I’d ask if you’re ready but I feel like I know the answer,” he beamed at you as he handed you his helmet.
The two of you were sat on his couch eating dinner. You had to admit that you were surprised at how well he could cook. You could tell that the air felt a little different, but it was good. It felt like there were so many words resting on the tip of your tongue and you didn’t know where to start.
“What’re you thinking?” Juice asked, a small smile tugging at the edges of his mouth.
You chuckled, not quite knowing where to start, “I really like this,” you gestured between the two of you, “what we’ve been doing. I…I like you a lot. And I know you said not to be sorry about being such a closed fucking book all the time. But I don’t like being like this. I thought I was okay with it but,” you shook your head, “Anyway. I just, fuck. If we’re gonna do this I want you to know what you’re getting into.”
He nodded for you to continue, “So, what am I getting into?”
“I left Charming because I couldn’t stand the thought of being stuck here for the rest of my life. I up and left everything, not that I had much to leave behind,” you shook your head slightly, “But everywhere I went I was still stuck with this shitty feeling of not belonging there. It didn’t matter where I worked, if I made friends, if I was dating someone—I was just haunted by this nagging feeling of being in the wrong place,” you looked at Juice and there was a sadness in his eyes that let you know that he understood exactly where you were coming from, “I ended up getting into some bad shit with the wrong people. It was spiraling out of control fast so…I did what I knew and I packed up my shit and left. I became a new person when I left here and I knew that I could go back to the old me once I got back. Nothing happens in Charming, right?” you let out a dry chuckle as you shook your head.
He waited for you to meet his gaze and he offered up the smallest of smiles, “Well, I wouldn’t say that nothing happens in Charming. You came back, right? I’d say that’s something.”
Your entire body felt warm as you processed what he had said, “I guess.”
“I know the feeling of not being quite right, not being the right person or in the right place. It’s the shittiest feeling,” he took a deep breath, “And it’s a lot to deal with alone. I know you said you got some shit to work through, but that doesn’t mean you have to be alone to do it.”
“Yea?”
He reached over and rested his hand on top of yours, “Yea.”
You hadn’t felt the tears gathering in your eyes, but you melted when you felt Juice reach over to lightly brush them off of your cheeks. His hand lingered on your cheek for a moment and your eyes fluttered shut. It’d been a long time since someone touched you with the intent to take care of you.
“I really wanna kiss you,” his voice was quiet.
Your eyes opened at that and a smile crept across your face, “I really want you to.”
He leaned in and softly pressed his lips against yours, like he was still giving you the chance to pull away and change your mind. That was the furthest thing from your mind, though. You leaned into him and gently grabbed his shirt to pull him flush against you. He cupped your face in both his hands and you could feel him smiling as he kissed you.
He finally had to pull away to let you both catch your breath. You leaned back and your entire face felt hot, a nervous giggle escaped from your lips. He smiled at you, hands entwining with yours. There were a few moments of silence as the two of you took in everything that had just happened.
“We didn’t even get to the movie yet,” he chuckled.
You laughed, “Still up for that?”
He nodded, pulling you closer to him so you could rest against his side, “Of course.”
He wrapped his arms around you and you melted into him as he pulled up a movie for the two of you to watch. You smiled to yourself as you felt his heart racing in his chest. You looked up at him with a smile. When he noticed you staring he laughed, and it made your entire body feel warm.
“I’m glad you came back,” he lightly traced his thumb over your knuckles as he turned his attention to the movie.
You smiled as you looked over at the television, “Yea, me too.”
#soa#sons of anarchy#sons of anarchy imagine#soa imagine#juice ortiz#juice ortiz x reader#juice ortiz x you#juice ortiz imagine#juan carlos#juan carlos ortiz#multichapter#chapter 3#you came back#my writing#fanfiction#jax teller#opie winston#drabblesmc
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(Dark’s brutally honest)2021 Fic Review
tagged by @treescape @tessiete and tagged for something like this by @softieskywalker (but this one is shorter, so i’m gonna do this one instead. thanks for the tag on the other review game!!!)
total number of completed works: 50 (8 currently on ao3 in wip mode)
total word count: 317,607
looking back did you write more, less, or the expected amount of fic this year? HA!! MORE! Soooooo much more, because even up until Jan 12/13 of this past year I had absolutely no intention of writing fanfic. None at ALL. And then I started writing Mirrorball and, well, here I am today.
your own favorite story of this year? Not to sidestep the question, but my favorite is whatever fic someone has *just* complimented me on. And then I’ll go back and look at it and go “oh yeah! this one! yeah, I like this one too.” When someone isn’t talking about a particular fic, they tend to all fade together into a wash of words and vague memories. Not unpleasant, just mentally filed into some great big mess under “my body of work”
did you take any writing risks this year? Oh, fuck, yeah. I mean, this year for me was nothing but risks, I feel. The first fic: here I am, putting my current pain into a story, does anyone out there care? And then with every subsequent fic it became more about the writing, more about throwing out words and hoping ppl would like them enough to respond and tell me if this skill I’ve been working on for years on my own is any good and worth sharing.
do you have any fanfic goals for the new year? Finish. Shit.
Lololol. That is the one thing I told myself starting this fanfic venture, that if I was going to sink time into this hobby I needed to use it productively. TBH I have close to no experience getting to the end of a story, especially in my non-fandom writing. Anytime I get to an ending with my fanfic-- even in short fic-- it feels like a victory. Unfortunately, when it comes to long stuff, I’m still not always able to get to the end without getting into my head and self-sabotaging, so that’s something I’d really like to work on going foward. Finishing the wips I have, because I know it’s good for me as a writer, not to say anything about my poor, poor readers who I *know* would dearly love to see where the story ends since they can’t see inside my brain.
most popular story of the year? In terms of kudos, that would be the dinluke fic Lukewarm. A sickfic which was really just an excuse to use the pun “lukewarm” and then within the body of the story it never even happened. Sigh. In terms of hits the bobadinluke In other words has double Lukewarm’s hits and while it’s true it is longer, I have had ppl tell me they re-read that one despite it not being done yet, so I feel like that has to be part of it, too.
story most under-appreciated? Oooooooooooh!!! Hahhahahaha my poor, sweet, little Teen Wolf Chris Argent/ Sheriff Stilinski!!! By the way they held their eyes has a LOT working against it: it’s a rarepair and it’s short and it’s preslash, so I’m not shocked it hasn’t done well by literally ANY metric, but I still have a fondness for it, I think the writing in it is solid, and I’ll just cradle that fic to my chest and whisper it’s still lovely and worthwhile even if very few ppl ever read it, haha!
most fun story to write? Oh, they all are in their own ways. If they weren’t I’d probably skip writing it.
most unintentionally telling story? Again: Oh, they all are in their own ways lolololololol! I think it’s interesting to see what people think they glean about me from what I write, and anytime the topic comes up I’m always thrilled to listen, because the truth is I DONT really know what I’m letting slip about myself from these stories, but every now and then someone will mention something and I’ll be like WELP. YUP. I really DID put that out there for everyone to see, huh?? haha, so if anyone wants to tell ME what they’ve deduced, fire away.
biggest disappointment? That I’ve done all this writing, have had so many wonderful people comment and engage with the fic, and encourage me, and tell me I’m pretty (writing-wise) and I’m STILL an insecure, mopey, anxious so-and-so. Biggest disappointment was that maybe the problem with not feeling “good enough” was actually inside me all along.
So that’s something that’ll have to be addressed in the coming year.
biggest surprise? Toss up, between starting a server to try to manipulate people into writing me more bobadinluke to read and it WORKING... and getting into Teen Wolf, a fandom that I swore every which way to MANY people on MULTIPLE occasions that I would never, never, never read fic or watch the show for and oooooooops. Look at me now! 🤡
my favorite part of fandom this year: Ugh. Just. All of it. ALL OF IT. Seriously, I never expected to come back to fandom after I left the last time years ago. I never thought I’d be writing fanfic again, never thought I’d have people read my stuff, and reach out, and talk to me. I never thought I’d have this many friends in fandom, especially such GOOD friends. This year was supposed to be extra lonely for me, between the pandemic and having a falling out with my most important person, but it wasn’t. I have people I talk to every day, I have people I have *interesting* conversations with that challenge me, I have people I admire that send me stupid memes that make me laugh. I have people I can reach out to when I need someone, and people that reach out to ME like I’m maybe just as important to them, too. I have so much more than I ever dreamed I’d have and it’s all here, in this dumb internet machine, but it’s all been lovely, and I can’t thank you all enough for what you’ve all done for me this past year 💜
Kudos to anyone that made it this far, you’re the true MVP
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2021 in review
Thank you @blitheringmcgonagall for the tag!
BY THE NUMBERS
words written: 259,694 (and counting! some of this is RP and OF too)
words published (AO3): 191,916
# of published one-shots: 7
# of completed multi-chaps: 2
# of one-shots in progress: 0 (I am surprised by the number of one shots I've written this year because I don't like writing them)
# of ongoing multi-chaps: 6
# of fic ideas waiting their turn: so many. Mainly another Oliver one, and a James Sirius one.
longest work: Caraway was 119,967 words but I wrote most of those last year so I don't think it counts. This year it's A Great Many Things at 14,963.
shortest work: Coney Island at 1,159 words.
most chapters in a fic: Again, Caraway at 33; but this year, Honeybee Mine at 5.
highest # of kudos: Caraway at 445; then Highgate at 77
highest # of hits: Caraway at 13003; then Opaline at 1748
top 3 fics by kudos: Caraway; Highgate; James Potter and the Case of the Lacy Black Bra
top 3 fics by hits: Caraway; Opaline; Highgate;
BEHIND THE NUMBERS
most challenging fic to write: Highgate is kicking my butt. Actually, everything's kicking my butt. My brain is mush. Help.
fic that came easiest to write: A Great Many Things. Would die for Oliver Wood, obvs.
most true-to-the-outline fic: Hmm. Highgate is true to form, just difficult to write atm. A Great Many Things is too.
most unlike-its-outline fic: Honeybee Mine. Fuck knows what I thought that was gonna be, but it's much better now 😂
favorite reader freak-out: People enjoying the fact that McGonagall gives James dating advice in Better Ways.
most controversial scene: People did not like Opaline. Mainly because Harry and Ginny have hate sex. Sue me. Despite that, y'all read it A LOT, so you filthy beings owe me a drink.
hottest ask box topic of the year: idk topic wise, I don't get a lot of ask box engagement. My favourite was the ask that just said "your (sic) not that funny". I die.
most loved OC: Robin Belmont in A Great Many Things. He's probably my favourite OC I've ever written, let alone in fanfic.
most hated OC: Lucinda Clearwater. Just y'all wait.
favorite things about writing our heroes: Banter. I bloody love the banter!
favorite villain to write: I like writing Snape, obvs, because he's gross. But I think I also like writing Regulus as a murky character in Highgate.
favorite marauder to write: James. ALWAYS James.
most I've cried while writing a scene: Giving Us Doomsday really hit me in the feels.
most I've laughed while writing a scene: I straight up lol every time I write Honeybee Mine. It's so stupid.
smuttiest smut scene: I've actually not written that much smut in 2021, because it's been a profoundly unsexy year. James Potter and the Case of the Lacy Black Bra is the only pure smut I've written. There's also some angsty sex in the last few chapters of Caraway.
favorite Jily kiss i wrote: probably when they got their act together again in Caraway. It's not the best writing, but it was bloody agony getting them there.
They reached a slightly wonky shed and James moved swiftly, pressing Lily against the wall. He kissed her. James could taste the champagne still on her lips, could smell the rose perfume that she dabbed in the hollows where her jaw met her neck. James wanted to stay in that moment for as long as they could—to commit to memory forever the way she felt beneath his hands, the feeling of her fingers tracing patterns against the delicate skin at the nape of his neck, her other hand buried in his wayward hair. Really, he could have stayed there forever; James had always said that Lily was ambrosia, enough to satisfy any need he might ever have had.
hardest trope/thing to write: Oh the weird chapters that propel the story but aren't that interesting?
easiest trope/thing to write: Banter between friends. James and Sirius, Lily and Marlene, Oliver and Robin - it's my favourite thing to write.
proudest fic moment: coney island is damn good writing. Finishing Caraway was powerful; fucking powerful. Writing only one of 16 Oliver Wood/Alicia Spinnet fics is hilarious.
any fic regrets? Yes, but not ones I can say right now.
2021 fic habits to break: Finish a fic. I beg of you, girl, finish a fic.
2022 fic habits to make: Writing more regularly, finishing fics, writing more Oliver Wood.
Tagging @malfoylestrange @nymphadoratonqs @midnightelite @jennandblitz @nagemeikenu @magic-girl-in-a-muggle-world and anyone else who'd like to do this!
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Addressing Batman’s Abuse
Damian: I killed someone
Bruce(and the rest of the batfamily but mostly bruce): It’s ok it’s because of your childhood, you were raised to be an assassin as long as you didn’t murder anyone innocent and do better next time
Dick: I killed someone
Bruce: well i saved them didn’t count bye
Tim: I killed someone
Bruce: Seriously Tim? ok I’m kinda disappointed but i’ll be ok in a little bit(actually idk cause I can’t recall if tim ever killed someone)
Jason: I killed someone
Bruce: HOW DARE YOU BREAK THE NO KILL RULE YOU LITTLE PIECE OF **** WE HAVE MORALS YOU’RE JUST ANOTHER CRIMINAL, A MURDERER, A MONSTER YOU LET THEM WIN IF YOU KILL
Alright enough with the jokes let’s get serious, let’s talk about the abuse. I have a lot to unpack and if you’re like me who doesn’t have the patience to read long things if they don’t matter then i’m sorry . I can read school stuff but fanfiction more than like 30 chapters irritates me which is stupid because I love to read but the human brain is A FUCKING ANNOYING HYPOCRITE. I love the batbros with all my heart and we hate to see bad stuff happen to them. but Bruce...he can get away with hurting the people who he should see as sons and who in turn consider him a father figure. He is essentially taking advantage of their love for his cause. Because the most important thing is batman and the mission which he will hold above his own children, the people in his life who care about him and support him in his insane crusade. Batman is someone who is consumed by this darkness that causes him to sacrifice everything for the mission. It is stated multiple times that his Robins are supposed to be better than him, they’re not needed as assistants in the battlefield but rather emotional support as they bring a little light to Bruce's pain and vengeful darkness. The Robins become better people than Bruce.
There are obvious examples of Bruce’s abuse such as his second Robin now Red Hood Jason Todd. Now I may be biased as he is my favorite but I love all the robins dearly so FREAKING much. Jason is constantly remembered as Batman’s greatest failure. Why is that? we are led to believe it’s because Bruce didn’t save him but really it’s because Jason didn’t fall in line with Batman’s code which is where we see the flaws in Batman’s philosophy. Why doesn’t Batman just kill the Joker? Jason makes some very valid points saying that all Joker does is cause pain and he keeps breaking out of prison and causing more pain and it’s a vicious cycle, a revolving door that Batman refuses to end. Joker and Batman are almost obsessed with each other. But Batman refuses to kill Joker saying if he does he can’t come back and Joker will win. It’s a war between numbers and moral high ground. But in reality who cares if Joker wins? It’s vague what does it even mean? Joker keeps on killing and if he was gone the world would be safer? It doesn’t matter if he wins as long as people live. Jason Todd is someone who is constantly hurt by the people who are supposed to love him. An example of this is Batman choosing to save Joker rather than his own son in the Under the Red Hood storyline. Jason is clearly heartbroken over the fact that Bruce refuses to kill the person who MURDERED HIM saying “I thought I’d be the last person you ever let him hurt” Jason obviously has lots of trauma PTSD depression and he probably just wants to feel safe pleading with Bruce to just kill Joker that’s it saying “doing it because he took me away from you” which Batman refuses just saying I can’t.
Now there’s other instances that make my blood boil such as Batman and Robin #20. Damian died in Batman Inc. and obviously since Bruce can’t ever deal with pain in a healthy constructive way, he goes full dark and rage and sadness. He becomes desperate to bring Damian back, being abusive to Tim even when Batman tried to experiment on Frankenstein to bring Damian back and Tim blew the lab up. But Jason...oh god...Bruce wants Jason on a mission in Ethiopia to bring the people who tried to kill Damian justice . (Talia put a bounty on his head) and then Jason agreed, excited at the chance of working with someone he considers a father again. Jason has ceased his killing he has calmed down from when he tried to hurt them all, his mind was damaged by the lazarus pit and he went insane with pain and rage. From my pseudo psychologist perspective I think he thought hurting them would make his pain cease if he tried to hurt the things that caused his pain it would fix him. Anyway Jason is on kinder terms with them but it’s still rough. They’re not all that kind with him sure he’s made mistakes but they all have and he’s really sorry about it. Anyway after taking those bad guys down they talk about family and trust and faith. Then...Bruce does it and reveals the real reason why they came to Ethiopia. Bruce wanted to bring Jason to the place he DIED. WHERE THERE IS A BUTT TON OF TRAUMA. Jason is just so shocked at first he stands there looking numb. He isn't even angry yet. He stands there feeling the pain of that horrible day saying”You lied to me. this wasn't about taking down those mercenaries. You wanted to bring me here..to the worst place in the world...and here I was starting to believe all your crap about trust and faith” He sounds broken which he is he’s been broken by so many people and now Bruce who isn’t supposed to break him just did by taking advantage of him and bringing him to somewhere of horrible trauma. Bruce reveals that he brought Jason here so he could figure out how to bring Damian back to life explaining “Those killers were the mission but this was something else something I couldn’t ignore I thought bringing you here could jog your memory-maybe retrieve a buried buried deep in your subconscious that could help piece together how you came to life so I” and Jason finishes this saying “-could apply it to getting Damian back. Yeah I get it. Did it ever occur to you I might like keeping whatever the hell happened to me buried deep?”Obviously, Jason doesn’t want to relieve his trauma, he doesn’t want to deal with what happened to him a second time. He just wants to move on but Bruce won’t let him. Bruce doesn’t seem to acknowledge Jason’s trauma nor does he seem to care for his well being. “If you cared about me, you wouldn’t want me to dredge up the one thing I've been trying to forget. I don’t want to remember the most horrific day of my life, all right? You may like wallowing in your tragedies but I’m done looking back” which is true all Batman does is sit in the pain of his parents death and he can’t heal like and he spreads pain to others at this rate the dead parents excuse gets a little old. BUT THEN BRUCE HAS THE AUDACITY TO SAY “If you cared about me and what I’ve lost, you’d want to dredge this up! Don’t you see-there’s a chance you can help me erase one of the worst days of my life. You can give me the greatest gift of all and help me figure out how to bring my son back!” Here he uses a lot of pronouns referring to himself, CARED ABOUT ME, I’VE LOST, HELP ME, MY LIFE, GIVE ME, HELP ME, MY SON. Yes Bruce, make it all about you, cause we definitely want you too. You’re a grown ass man and Jason is the more mature person here, honestly all the Robins learn to process grief and heal and grow and they’re just generally better people. Bruce is basically saying I care more about Damian than I care about you and my needs are greater than yours so screw your feelings, your feelings don’t matter. He really only seems to care about himself and he wants to erase his own pain. He doesn’t even seem to consider what Damian would want and what being brought back to life would do to him. Jason knows what it’s like, the pain of it, he’s probably the only person who would understand why someone wouldn’t want to come back. After All of this Bruce doesn’t even apologize and makes some half assed promise for unconditional truth but Jason still accepts this and helps Bruce get Damian’s body back from Darkseid even though he didn’t have to.
Also there’s battle of the cowl which I desperately try to ignore but what I can tell Bruce *cough* died *cough* at this rate whenever Bruce dies or some crap I’m like ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THAT??? But sorry back to the topic. Bruce had a message for Jason for everyone else was just like I hope you’re doing well I love y’all live your life for JASON HOWEVER. He was all like you’re a failure not because I didn’t save you but because I don’t like how you turned out. Also you have problems, you’re mentally ill(I know but don’t have to be so awful about it)and there’s a secret I shouldn’t have kept and bye. And he suggests help but WHY DIDN’T HE GET JASON HELP WHEN HE WAS YOUNGER HMMMMM? It’s so obvious Jason’s childhood is full of abuse of course he has bad mental health and all that jazz. Also he puts Jason in Arkham where the Joker is 5 DOORS DOWN. I don’t think I have to say anything but they could literally put him in ANY OTHER PRISON. Why this one idk?
Bruce beat Jason and was probably about to kill Jason in RHATO #25. All beacuse Jason shot penguin and since Red Hood is a criminal blah blah blah Bruce has to do something. Actually he doesn’t as he just assumes Jason killed him which he didn’t also he didn’t seem to consider mind control or clones or whatever and he thought it was a good idea to beat the crap out of his sons. Jason even points this out”You are a character, I’ve never seen you beat Joker that hard and you hate him”...Bruce is beating him harder than the Joker. BRUCE IS BEATING HIS GODDAMN SON, SO HE HATES HIS SON MORE THAN JOKER??? Here we see how Bruce constantly chooses Joker over Jason.
Let's also talk about Dick his first son (I love my circus boi). After Jason died *sob*(i’m gonna cry) Dick is pretty darn sad and Bruce didn’t tell him shit so he’s obv like hey what’s the deal and BRUCE HAS THE AUDACITY TO BE MAD AT DICK. and he tries to kick Dick out of his life and be like leave your key get outta my face and he punched Dick LIKE BOI YOU DIDN’T TELL HIM ABOUT THE FUNERAL OR THE FACE THAT JASON DIED. We already knew it was bad because Bruce and Dick argued like my parents argue which is pretty bad. Lo and behold Bruce doesn’t apologize.
Also Nightwing #30 after Dick was outed as Nightwing and fake died on telelvision. Bruce used like WAAAAAAY excessive force. They were sparring but it got real violent real fast. And Nightwing wasn’t in the right mindset he was traumatized and Bruce totally took advantage of him by asking him to work for Spyral which Dick obv didn’t want to do but Bruce fucking FORCED that crap onto him after something as awful as that and he probably knew Dick would give in eventually that bastard. No, Bruce doesn’t apologize either.
Most recently Batman #71...now see this is Tim’s turn and I love my big brain boi Tim... and when you love a fictional character you know something bad is gonna happen. Bruce’s abuse, it’s kinda worse cause he’s a fucking KID. now Bruce be like let’s meet and shit so most of them are there and some evil villain is doing their thang and Tim is tryin be nice comforting Bruce, telling him that Tim will always be there and that Tim will help AND BRUCE FUCKING PUNCHED HIM. HE WAS JUST TRYIN BE NICE AND HELP YOU FEEL BETTER YOU POS. Now do we see Bruce apologize? NOOOOO. What did you expect? Honestly it’s not that hard it’s a simple sentences even a dumbass like you can manage it
Now I’m not totally familiar with any abuse on Damian but it’s there. Bruce is allergic to emotions, and it’s hard for him to be emotionally supportive and show any affection whatsoever. Showing any semblance of pride to Damian is like me trying to do pushups it’s FUCKING impossible for Bruce to show any compassion toward his son whatsoever (seriously though push ups are a pain in the ass I’m not athletic whatsoever why do you think I waste my time venting on tumblr the only thing I’m good for is being the smart kid in school and even then some people outshine me in that.)...sad but I’m not here to complain about that. Anyway Dick is a BAMF and openly shows Damian hey i’m proud of you and I love you. IT’S NOT THAT HARD BRUCE.
Bruce can’t ever be happy, he doesn’t let himself be happy because he can’t move on from that tragedy that happened to him. And he doesn’t allow anyone around him to be happy either. Shown as when Dick is like hey I can be in love with someone and we can be long term we can be happy together. BRUCE BE LIKE NUH HUH VIGILANTES CAN’T BE HAPPY WE HAVE TO SACRIFICE FOR THE MISSION. Let your son be FUCKING HAPPY. I know I sound like I hate him and maybe I do a bit but I don’t think he’s like completely Joker evil and irredeemable. I just can’t deal with how DC handles abusers like Bruce and having characters enable this behavior. We need to know that Bruce’s behavior is not ok and his children are completely numb to it, it’s normal to them and it’s disgusting. Bruce needs repercussions and he needs to know that he can’t do that to kids who love and trust him.
LINK TO PART 2:
https://demigoddreamer.tumblr.com/post/639314330465222656/addressing-batmans-abuse-part-2
If a loved one is hurting you reach out and seek help. You deserve the world
#batfam#jason todd#dick grayson#damian wayne#tim drake#red hood#nightwing#red robin#robin#bruce wayne#batman#dc comics#abuse#it's not ok#if you're in this situation reach out#bruce wayne is a bad parent
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