#and you can tell how much she loves that cast and crew and how much she enjoyed filming sex ed and i guess im just sad about that mainly
Text
.
#finding out that patricia allison won’t be back for s4 of sex ed makes me sad#and also makes me sad all over again that simone won’t be back either#like i know olivia isn’t the biggest or best role and that it makes sense for her to go back for s3 of bridgerton#but just…i love the cast of sex ed so much and simone always speaks so highly of them all#and you can tell how much she loves that cast and crew and how much she enjoyed filming sex ed and i guess im just sad about that mainly#hopefully if she visits the set while they’re filming we’ll get a picture or something 😂
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
SHE WAS LIKE A SHOT OF EPRESSO
pairing. tom blyth x actress!fem!reader (mentions of other actors x fem!reader platonically)
summary. in which you are the epitome of sunshine and radiance within your co stars OR all the times your co stars have talked interviewers’ ears off about you
installment of this au | read for context!
Time 1: Tom Blyth
“How’s Y/N as a cast mate?”
That question shouldn’t make Tom Blyth smile that wide — but he does — because he’s so utterly and unconditionally inlove with you.
“Oh gosh, I wouldn’t even know where to start,” Tom begins. “As her boyfriend, I think I’m being pretty biased when I say this, but Y/N Avocot as a cast mate has honestly been the best experience of my life. There has not been a day where she doesn’t make me laugh so hard that my ribs start hurting, and there hasn’t been a day where she hasn’t made me smile.” He pauses for a moment, pondering the next words to say.
“Y/N’s just that type of person, you know? She’s like the warm sunlight that engulfs you every morning you open your curtains, she’s like that newly brewed coffee that helps hydrate and bring you back to life. She’s everything.” And he says this in such a loving manner that the interviewer practically awes, the cameraman zooming the camera to show Tom’s dilated pupil.
“Your pupils are dilated!” The interviewer mentions, laughing as she points towards his eyes.
“Oxytocin is a warm hormone that’s released when you talk about someone you love,” Tom shrugs. “All my friends say my pupils dilate when I’m near Y/N, that’s just the effect she has on people.”
“Well there it is folks! Tom Blyth is truly inlove with Y/N Avocot!”
Time 2: Sean Kaufman and Lola Tung
It was an interview discussing the new season of The Summer I Turned Pretty, and it consisted of Sean and Lola who’s schedules were the only ones that were open that day.
“Guys! We’re so happy to have you today,” the interviewer starts.
“Why thank you,” Lola smiles brightly into the camera, smoothing out her dress.
“So obviously, this season is very important to the plot, it contains so much new exciting storylines including Sean’s character, Steven Conklin, and Y/N’s character, Ella!”
“Yes,” Sean laughs, his eyes crinkling. “It was very fun filming the scenes with Y/N, she’s like that little rush of happiness that you just wanna keep inside a jar.”
“Actually!” Lola speaks up, crossing one leg over the other as she leans forward to the interviewer. “Now that Sean’s mentioning it, Y/N really is a rush of happiness. God, everyday on set, I always think ‘I’m gonna probably have to say my lines over a thousand times and be tired by the time I’m done’ but Y/N comes right in, and she’s always making funny faces behind the director which just fills my heart with joy and it’s those little moments that make acting really worth it you know? Like even though I’m dying re filming the same scene over and over again — I know that Y/N’s always going to cheer me up by the end of it.”
“Wow,” the interviewer laughs. “I haven’t even asked you guys about Y/N yet but she seems to be very loved by the crew.”
“Oh yeah,” Sean nods. “Everyone filming loves her. I mean, how could you not?”
And the interviewer thinks the same question, because after interviewing Tom Blyth, she really believes that you really cannot not love Y/N Avocot.
Time 3: Timothee Chalamet
“Timo!” The interviewer greets Timothee excitedly, moving the chair so he could sit.
“Jacob! My favorite interviewer,” and maybe Timothee’s lying, because he’s seen about a million interviewers by now, but it makes Jacob smile, not so much hating his job anymore.
“Your new movie, Miracles in Love, can you tell me more about that?”
“Yes,” Timothee takes a deep breath. “It’s about a boy and girl in their early twenties figuring out what they wanna be in life. My character, Louie Marcel, falls inlove with my co star — Y/N’s character — Maeve Jones after they bump into each other at the bar and talk about how depressing their lives are. It’s pretty funny, y’know. How easy it was to film with Y/N, in fact, it came all naturally.” Timothee pauses, a small smile playing on his lips.
“When you say naturally, what exactly do you mean by that?”
“Oh you know Jacob,” Timothee grins. “It’s easy to fall inlove with Y/N Avocot. She’s a remarkable actress, and everything that I filmed with her feels so real that it feels like I’m really Louie and I’m really falling inlove with a girl named Maeve at the local bar near my university.”
“Oh wow,” Jacob, the interviewer, can’t help but gush at Timothee’s endearing statement. “You must be very good friends.”
“Us? Of course!” He laughs as if it was one of the funniest statements on earth. “I’m really good friends with her boyfriend too, Tom. They’re honestly the sweetest couple, don’t know if I’m inlove with him or her. Maybe both,” he jokes.
bellyapologist oh to be yn avocot and be so loved by her cast mates that they’re smiling each time they talk about her
view all comments
user1 literally like how do you not cry when you’re being called a literal rush of happiness
user2 lola and sean being so excited to talk about her even though the interviewer didn’t start the interview yet 😭
user3 shows that yn is rly a good person
timotheesgf YN AVOCOT LET ME BE YOU PLEASEEEE LOOK AT HOW TIMOTHEE TALKS ABT HER GOD LIFE IS NOT FAIR
view all comments
user4 “it’s easy to fall inlove with yn avocot” FUCKKKKK
user5 “everything I filmed with her feels so real” oh tom and kylie are punching the air rn
user9 she must’ve saved a planet in her past life cause..
user10 same energy as “she was like a shot of espresso” 😭😭😭😔😔😔
#Coriolanus snow#coriolanus snow angst#coriolanus snow imagine#coriolanus snow x you#coriolanus snow smut#coriolanus snow fanfiction#coriolanus snow x reader#tom blyth#tom blyth x reader#the ballad of songbirds and snakes#tbosas#tbosbas#the hunger games x reader#timothee chalamet x reader#timothee chalamet
3K notes
·
View notes
Text
i. summary it was not your intention to seduce lyney, really, he was just already so very weak for you.
lyney being a sucker for you: the drabble
ii. warnings wc 700, this drabble has been in my drafts since i finished sleight of hand LOL. A Little Steamy, but nothing happens, I LOVE FLUSTERED LYNEY!!
“And that’s a wrap! Thank you, everyone; it all went smoothly as planned. Pat yourselves on the back.”
A chorus of exhausted yet elated cheers rings backstage, not enough to rival the crowd outside, yet it is still much more satisfying to hear. Some of the crew went up to Lyney to pat his shoulder, congratulating him for once again another successful show. Lyney takes it all with a dazzling grin and unwavering confidence. Why, of course. We’ve been working day and night for this.
You ceremoniously step forward and give his side a gentle nudge. Lyney responds with a grin as he reciprocates the gesture. “That was a new one. Did you and Lynette practice that secretly to surprise us?”
“A magician never reveals his secrets,” Lyney says, ironically knowing that he’d have to teach his crew about this as you mustn’t repeat the same trick twice.
Lyney spots his sister resting against a wall a few feet later. “You still want to buy that dessert, Lynette?”
Lynette’s eyes flicker to Lyney, then to you. “I’ll just meet you two there,” she tells Lyney, then walks off without waiting for goodbye.
“Huh, well.” People continue to filter out of the backstage, leaving you and Lyney alone in a dimly lit room, with props scattered all around and taking up enough space to have you and Lyney pressed against each other to not stumble over any of them. “Mon amour, how’d you enjoy the show?”
“It was splendid, of course. I especially liked the part where Lynette stole the spotlight—my favorite part of every show.”
“I understand, but be more nice to the star of the show, will you?” He’s deflated like a popped balloon. “I know you know how much work I put in to perfect everything.”
You laugh, brushing a stray strand of hair away from his face. “You think I pay attention to you that much?”
Lyney huffs. “You don’t have to be so coy. It’s my job to steal your attention, isn’t it? You’re also my assistant; surely you’ve learned a thing or two about magic tricks?”
“Of course I have,” you cede. “I’ve been watching it all, Lyney, don’t be teased so easily.”
“Well, it just seems to me you haven’t really been paying attention at all,” he feigns a pout.
“Really? Is this a test?” Lyney casts you a sly glance, and you return it with a scoff. “I’ve seen how you deceive them with your actions, distract them with your hands.” You nudge his chest with two fingers, and in the silence, you can hear how Lyney swallows air at the proximity. “You’ve got quite the skill with them.”
“You’ve been watching them pretty closely,” Lyney says quietly.
“Isn’t that the point? It just proves how talented of a magician you are.”
His face is a comical shade of red. He’s weak like that.
“What I learned while being part of your troupe, however, is that I could be saying anything, and my audience wouldn’t really care.” You trail your fingers up, and up, slowly, and Lyney’s breath all but hitches once you reach his neck. “Because I’m making you watch my hands—bring all your attention to what I do and not what I say.”
“Yeah,” Lyney agrees absentmindedly, like a hypnotized man—the irony.
And it’s then you realize that he isn’t looking at your hand at all. His eyes are gazing intensely right below your nose—entranced by how your lips move to mouth your words. You suppose that it still counts as a distraction.
Your fingers reach out to cup his chin, leveling him with a look of disbelief. “Lyney?”
His entire face is a tomato, and half-words are caught in the back of his throat. He gapes at you and looks as if he’s at war with himself.
You hold back a laugh. “I’m surprised you weren’t so critical to a newbie. Did I do that well?”
“That wasn’t fair, and you know it,” he replied weakly after a moment of finding his voice. He then hides his face behind his fingers. “Don’t go around doing that. You can’t try to captivate an audience already so enamored with you.”
“Ah…” Now you feel flustered. “Let’s—Let’s just go meet up with Lynette.” You can’t handle staying in this room for another minute.
#genshin impact#genshin x reader#genshin impact x reader#genshin impact x you#lyney x reader#lyney x you#lyney x y/n#genshin x you#x reader
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
i keep thinking about that one bachelor au post so here's my take on it (i've never watched the bachelor or bachelorette so bear with me)
the bachelor au where steve's the bachelor and eddie is a contestant, but not because he actually wants to be, he's just in it for the paycheck. robin is also a contestant but only because her parents sent in her application without her knowing and she isn't out to them yet.
they both think that steve is overrated and definitely over hyped. typical rich kid with enough money to buy people's love, yada yada.
until they both start going on dates with him and then realize that it isn't exactly true. yes, he's rich, but he's also kind and funny and actually genuine once you get past the mask he puts on for everybody. eventually, eddie and robin find themselves looking forward to their dates.
only robin doesn't want to date him. he's slowly moving his way up the ranks to becoming her best friend, sure, but this is still tv. she's still expected to kiss him and confess her feelings for him. and when the time comes for her to do that, she can't.
they're in venice. steve is leaning in and robin is very aware of the cameras filming them. the back of her neck goes cold and her stomach churns and suddenly she's running in the opposite direction. her italian is passable so she ends up getting a taxi back to the hotel production put them in.
she locks herself in her en suite and presses her forehead against the cold porcelain. she doesn't know how long she sits there until her phone buzzes and she checks the notification. the nausea rises up her throat again. she forgot she gave steve her number.
there's a knock on her room door and another text.
r u ok? can i come in?
robin debates it but figures she owes him and explanation. she lets him in and they sit on the bathroom floor. robin tells him why she's on the show in the first place, about how she didn't know her parents signed her up until she got the phone call from the casting director. tells him that even if she gets kicked off, she can still use the money for her student loans.
she stares at the water in the toilet bowl when she comes out to him.
steve is quiet, processing, before he laughs. he's not laughing at her, he promises, but "robin. you're on a show with more than a handful of other queers, you know that, right? i'm bisexual."
and yeah, robin knew that, but it's different when you're not into the guy you're supposed to be romancing at all.
steve reassures her that it's okay, and that he still hopes they can be friends and keep in touch after the show ends.
robin would like that.
she apologizes to the production crew the next day and they're understanding and steve and robin get a re-do of their date. it's much more genuine this time, filled with laughs and digs as they eat gelato along the river and people watch and gossip.
it's the best robin's ever been on.
eddie, on the other hand. he's absolutely head over heels for steve, which is surprising even for him. he's trailer park trash, he's got absolutely nothing on steve harrington. not the name, not the money.
hell, the very first day, he insulted the guy's food choices right to his face without knowing it.
eddie wants the earth to give way underneath him and swallow him whole.
he plays it up on their first date, all fake niceties and empty smiles, until steve tells him point blank, "the guy that said the buffet was shit that first night? i want to get to know him."
eddie's flabbergasted.
steve opens up about all the fake people in his life, the ones who just take advantage of them and use him for their own gains. the ones who don't even bother to get to know the real him. the one that likes to play guitar and hang out with the gaggle of teenagers that follow him around all the time for some unknown reason.
he tells eddie about what he wants to do with his life, not what someone else has planned for him and eddie falls deeper and deeper.
this time, when steve leans in for a kiss, eddie doesn't shy away. their lips press together and it's the best goddamn kiss either one of them have ever had.
the show has a deadline, of course, and steve can't just spend all his time with eddie and robin. there are other contestants. robin knows her rose is strictly platonic and steve has already called her multiple times freaking out about his growing crush on eddie. she knows eddie has this in the bag.
the final night comes and the contestants have dwindled. there's only a small group of them left: eddie, robin, and another guy and girl they didn't bother learning the names of.
when steve chooses eddie after a moment of dramatic silence that kind of puts his own dm dramatics to shame, eddie doesn't hesitate to jump in steve's arms, wrap his legs around his waist, and plant a sloppy one on him right in front of the cameras.
#cj talks#something something steve goes on a tv show to find romance and ends up finding his romantic and platonic soulmates#steddie#steddie fic#cj writes#i liked being your schmuck#platonic stobin#the three muskequeers
899 notes
·
View notes
Text
No Capes! AU where Bruce and everyone else is an actor.
Famous Hollywood moguls Thomas and Martha would've rather died in real life than make Bruce a child actor so he didn't start till he was 24
It's an ongoing gag that Thomas always tweets "On my way to die again! As if you didn't know" with every Gray Ghost remake
The Waynes are always just. So chaotic
Bruce and Selina constantly bring stray cats on set; Bruce just hides them under his black shirt famously known as a void with no end.
Behind the Scenes cuts have images of this man pulling 10 cats from under there and the director is convinced he has a cryptid on set
They have to edit so much footage because Bruce always says "sorry" after "punching" someone. "Bruce, they have padding, they're fine!" "And no health Insurance. Do something about that."
Sometimes he forgets to take off the costume after filming. The record set for how many Subways he sent into a panic is infinite
That being said, Bruce's kids aren't afraid of him at all, and WILL run up to him everytime they visit to chant "dork! Dork! Dork!" While flocking around him. He cries from happiness
But he cries all the time, so it's hard to tell for what
The movie's soundtrack is just Bruce's middle school playlist, " They said they needed something rotten and terrible, like, -- poison for the ears. If you listen to it you get sick."
Bruce's biggest "diva moment" was refusing to give up the eyeliner and he still sends apology cards to the cast and crew for his " horrible behavior"
"He just kinda said no a bit loud and ran out of the studio while sobbing quietly."
Literally every villain on set is a sweetheart. Selina does her own make-up as well as Bruce's and Oz's and you can see Carmine lurking like a little gobling behind them just to scare her
There's this joke that none of Selina's streams ever go well because the crew is her curse. She's trying to talk about how to steal on set, meanwhile, Bruce next to her, "Did you know cats have no collarbone. Also, the electric chair was invented by a dentist."
You'd think everyone's favorite duo would be Bruce and Selina, and you wouldn't be wrong, but the public can't wait for Bruce and Carmine to have a press conference or interview together
Mostly because Carmine obviously dealt some shady cards in his past and Bruce is so clueless . " Have I ever tried coke...No, I like Pepsi." While Carmine is trying not to laugh behind him
Edward is just as bad. He's trying to tell the director that's not how bombs are made, and someone's head exploding wouldn't look like that, and Bruce is like :O Eddie, I didn't know you were a gamer
Edward is a menace on set and Bruce stays blind to it because he like him. There's rows of videos of Bruce stopping mid scene, going " Eddie," before jumping on the guy like the kitten he's NOT
Alfred still brings Bruce lunch and snacks and he throws down with Oz for no reason. He always brings the kids (read; they sneak in) and it's very clear they're not getting any shooting done that day
Dick, age 10, impatiently asks why Gray Ghost can't have a sidekick. In the last moments of the movie Dick runs in, improvises a scene with Bruce, and the fans love him too much not to include him after
You just leave Bruce alone when his babies are on set; Damian is strapped to his chest cause he's so small that everyone almost steps on him, Jason is giving the writers tip, Tim is taking pics of everyone, and Bruce smothers them with kisses constantly
#bruce wayne#dc#dc comics#no capes au#actor au#battinson#selina kyle#edward nashton#batfamily#batfam#dick grayson#jason todd#tim drake#damian wayne#text#text post#gonna make some twitter edits for this aaaaaaa
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
more more more more aftg show bloopers (p 4?? I think?) whoop whoop de fuckin whoop
Neil's actor being a huge Duolingo dork and in the behind the scenes while the other actors are fooling around between takes you can often see him with his head bent and hear the little 'ping!'s coming from his phone
also during late night shoots, as it gets closer to midnight he always has a point where he's like SHIT my Duolingo streak. and then just blocks out everyone while his fingers fly over his screen
(fans make compilations of him proudly showing his Duolingo streak to the camera and the number grows as the seasons progress)
(he definitely is the kinda bitch who cares more about maintaining the streak than actually learning languages)
actually omg while we're on the topic of languages
Kevin's actor tenderly reciting his French lines to Matt's actor and Matt's actor is just smitten. and he goes "say something else, love" and Kevin's actor strokes his cheek while saying another one of his lines and Matt swoons
(then Kevin's actor turns to the camera and goes "I just told him that he's a disappointment and is going to get his ass handed to him by ravens if he doesn't do exactly as I say" and, from the ground, Matt's actor goes "hell yeah you did. talk dirty to me any day of the week you sexy, sexy man")
coach's actor is always swearing to the point where they implement a swear jar...really it's just something for the kids to jokingly rag on him about, but he goes with it, and every so often they'll empty the jar to buy the cast and crew pizza
they're filming outside at night and it's cold and in between takes Matt's Aaron's and Renee's actors are all huddled together for warmth and Matt's actor gets pulled aside to get his makeup touched up and the other two just shriek at the absence of his heat and catch up to him to tuck themselves against him again
Andrew needs to snap his fingers in one scene but everyone finds out that day that his actor doesn't know how to snap so he has a little impromptu snapping lesson and of course it turns into everyone else trying to one-up each other with their snapping abilities
Nicky's actor telling everyone what he's going to steal from set (will literally say"[about Allison's bathrobe] damn that shit soft as hell. Ive been needing a new bathrobe actually. I'm stealing this" or "I'm stealing this lighter/bandana/sunglasses/etc") but because his humor is so dry everyone thinks he's joking. until months later. when the prop department can't find shit
Renee's actress is doing something completely mundane but Neil's and Allison's actors start narrating what she's doing like they're in a nature documentary (always with Australian accents for some reason??)
"and our specimen now reclines herself vertically on a piece of furniture us humans know as 'a desk.' this clearly less-developed creature seems not to understand the purpose of such an object. but given that this is her first time outside her natural habitat (the jungle) her lack of familiarity with modern technology is to be expected"
Renee's actress: *flips them off*
"ah and here we witness one of the most common behaviors of this specimen. specialists have dubbed it 'flipping the bird,' and explain it as a nonverbal expression of affection" "oh fuck off"
photo from another cold night-shoot and it's of Matt's and Dan's actors, she's standing in front of him zipped up in his hoodie, just her head poking out and they're having a conversation with other castmates like it's the most normal thing in the world, looking the very image of the couple they play
so much glorious content from shooting the dorm sleepover scene. the most popular thing to come from it is a picture from after they wrapped where the cast and some members of the crew had moved even closer to each other amid all the blankets and are asleep on top of each other
Andrew's actor will sometimes actually eat the ice cream he's given instead of just pretending to eat it, and halfway through the scene he casually mentions that he's lactose intolerant and sends the crew into a worried frenzy
if you haven't clocked it yet, these bitches are competitive. and one day, one thing led to another, and soon a bunch of the actors are all being filmed having a plank-holding competition. Dan's actress is the first to drop and she gets booed at for it because "you're an ex-stripper where tf is that upper body strength?"
she flips them off and goes to sit on Kevin's actor, hoping to squash his plank, but instead he starts doing push ups with her on his back. she grins
(Rikos actor wins that competition btw. and Neil's actor goes on a rant about "we succumbed to the ENEMY? a RAVEN? your characters would be ashamed of you" (he also lost?))
Allison's actress pretending to do a get-ready-with-me using all the stuff on Allison's vanity
Wymack's actor falling asleep in The Dad Pose™ when they're shooting a scene on the bus. and everybody gathers in to take pictures
when Kevin and Neil get all up in each other's faces their actors will pretend like they're going to kiss each other
not really a blooper but just all the actors for the foxes and the ravens mingling together in between takes and it looks so wrong
give me all the actors constantly taking the piss out of their characters
for ex during a scene where the monsters are in the car on the way to Edens, Nicky's actor looks towards the backseat where everyone is in character and goes wow what a fun crowd we are you'd never believe we're about to hit the club
night shoots are a. struggle. for Dan's actress. and the others love to take videos of her just standing on her mark with the most spaced out expression on her face
Andrew's and Neil's actors are shooting one of their typical intense, deep scenes and after one take, as soon as "cut" is called, Andrew's actor grabs Neil's face and starts serenading him with the song that's been stuck in his head all day
Renee's actress getting scolded for sneaking snacks into her costume
when Nicky's actor messes up a line (and he's the least likely of everyone to do it) he starts spewing Spanish
Andrew's actor constantly teasing his brother and Katelyn's actress whenever they have scenes together
like the two of them will just be talking together in between takes and Andrews actor will be behind the camera recording them and saying shit like "look at that MINYARD RIZZ" (or he'll use their actual last name) "hey btw [Katelyn's actor] I taught him everything he knows"
that scene where the foxes are rushing out of the dorm to check on their destroyed cars and Matt's actor just faceplants (Neil's actor: "wow. the dedication")
in one scene or other Allison's actress is drinking an iced drink and during one take she just keeps calmly shaking the ice around in her cup until one by one everyone cracks
in one scene Allison's actress is wearing sunglasses. and in between takes she lies down and on camera you can see Kevin and Matt's actors whispering trying to figure out whether or not she's sleeping because they can't see her eyes
Aaron's actor always using Neil's actor as a pillow during car scenes because they're always next to each other and they're actually hella tight irl
the kids love to steal any props that coach's actor needs to use (pens clipboards etc) before they start rolling just so they can watch him try to subtly fidget trying to find his prop before they get to the point in the scene where he actually needs it
all the actors just taking pictures together in the most brutal settings on set.
like Neil's makeup has his face all busted and everyone wants a selfie with him. they all have a photoshoot with the trashed cars. they have another one in front of the "happy 19th birthday junior" set. Neil is tied up at The Nest while they change his hair and Jean's and Riko's actors take selfies with him. another photoshoot with Neil handcuffed in the police car. all these settings in terrible scenes and the actors are in front of them with grins and peace signs
they're terrible.
#are y'all bored yet?#aftg#aftgtv#neil josten#kevin day#aaron minyard#matt boyd#andrew minyard#dan wilds#nicky hemmick#allison reynolds#renee walker#david wymack
518 notes
·
View notes
Text
Thoughts on the live action one piece
Spoilers 😉
Yes, I binged all 8 episodes, and have work today and can’t see out my eyes but worth it.
I’ll try to keep it short.
Luffys character was immaculate. The way Inaki portrayed him and brought this man to life was so amazing to see. Oda really saw Luffy in him and he did not disappoint. The moves looked great, CGI was on point for a live action, and they really did break the curse.
Zoro’s character was beautiful. I love that he was more serious, and him throwing up the finger in his first scene?! I’m star struck. You can say what you want about the live action, but theres no denying this cast was perfect for these characters and the fight scenes were choreographed to the point where it looked so clean.
Nami 🥳 The emotion! The conflict! I absolutely love the way she had more action scenes and was more open with her care for the crew early on. Nami has always been my favourite character, and Emily did her justice.
I will be listening to her song on repeat.
Ussop! Ussop! Are you serious! Why do I love you in every reality! And Ussop and Kaya! The kiss! The scream I let out! I died😵💫 I wish he had more shooting scenes, but his true potential wasn’t seen until later in the anime so I can’t complain, cause season two Ussop is gonna pop off.
Sanji😳 First off, live action Sanji has a hold on me😮💨 Like what happened to the guy who couldn’t get any girls. Ngl, was keeping an eye out for the blonde at table 8, looking out for my competition👀 His kicks were so smooth and all, and I mean ALL, his fight scenes were perfect. Like how did they do this. You can see the care and effort he put into his character.
Buggy? I love our unhinged clown. His making a circus with trapped towns people. His CGI? Amazing. The little goof we were left with when they trapped his parts in the chest made me cackle!
The pacing of the show was done so well. I was worried that 8 episodes wouldn’t be enough (and I was right where’s season two I want Vivi), but the retelling was more then I hoped for. I will always love the anime more, as most of us know there’s not enough episodes in the series, but the live action did great in that respect. I did miss some of the characters they had to cut to make it flow better though. The ussop pirates live on in our hearts
Don’t get me wrong, there was some scenes I missed from the original show, like Zoro lifting Luffy’s cage, Nami burning her hands on Buggys cannon fuse, Nami stabbing Ussop. BUT, they wouldn’t have fit in this version of the show.
They did give us Zoro lifting the safe like he did Luffys cage which was cool. And Nami holding Ussops hand when Zoro was fighting, Nami showing up for the fight rather then leaving. I love her. Even though Nami didn’t get to show her care through the actions of saving Zoro or stabbing her own hand, she was still able to show those emtions through different actions. The hand holding with Ussop rather then the stabbing of her hand was so good to see. This version of Nami seemed more fragile in a way, so this suited her version well.
It was like watching One Piece for the first time all over again. I didn’t know what would happen. Getting more marines, and Garps relationship to Luffy being revealed so early in the series to cause tension within the crew *chef’s kiss* And Koby? ‘Be a good pirate.’? Like I love you? Not doing what Garp asked? Standing up for his beliefs? You are going to be a good Marine. You’ll be the greatest 💕
The relationships they explored?
First off Ussop and Kaya 😵 I love them so much. Them talking to the straw hats about their relationship was so cute, and Zoro saying it wasn’t his area of expertise 💅🏻✨ Jokes 👀
Nami being besties with Kaya😍 Her telling Kaya not to let someone tell her how to run her life, drawing connections to her own situation, telling Kaya not to be trapped. Her returning the treasure! I loved it so much. Ussop’s and Nami’s friendship has always been the one I cherished in the crew, and for Nami to support Kaya, and Ussop to see how Nami was good to his girl I feel will only strengthen their relationship.
Nami and Zoro besties? Didn’t know I could love them more.
Nami caring so much for Zoro after his fight with Mihawk showed her love for her new friends, and mirrored her care she had in the original series where she saved him from drowning at Arlong park. Even though we didn’t get the original scenes, they were supplemented with new scenes that held the same feelings.
Zosan- I mean Zoro and Sanji. The wings of the pirate king? I love their bickering in any universe it seems. The fish men fight was so good, them being unbothered with the guys trying to kill them as they fought with each other was so them. And Zoro licking his plate clean and saying Sanji’s food was okay? Not bad for a waiter huh?
And the most important pair. Captain and his first mate. I just loved how many times they reiterated that Zoro is Luffys right hand man 🥰 Luffy not stepping in the way of Zoros dream was beautiful, and his care afterwards reminded me of how he cared for Nami when she got sick in the original series. Asking Sanji to cook his favourite? So cute. He couldn’t decide if it was best for Zoro to eat or sleep or drink and him stressing for Zoro. All amazing. I’ve used amazing so many times but its just the word I need to explain it. Zoro waking up, Luffy engulfing him. I could go on and on.
Nami and Luffy? The amount of love I have for them. They were everything I wanted from them. The scene. THE scene. Beautiful.
I could go on and on about this show, but sadly I have work. Please show this version love, and don’t go into expecting the same series. It is different. It’s its own version and deserves its own category.
I love the cast! Thank you for making history with this adaptation! Xx
#one piece#one piece live action#monkey d. luffy#zoro#nami#ussopp#sanji#zolu#zorosan#zosan#kaya x ussop#ussop x kaya#one piece mihawk#shanks#spoilers#one piece spoilers#ussop pirates#opla spoilers#opla#opla cast
1K notes
·
View notes
Note
Hey there I hope you’re having a wonderful day, could I make a request for bg3? I’d like to request the crew with a noble barbarian tav, kind of like Godfrey from Elden ring. Normally they are very regal, eloquent, and in control, they might even think they are some knight until they finally let loose. Whether it’s their s/o in danger or a challenging battle, they just go to town, very ‘I have give thee courtesy enough!’.
oh anon, you're very kind to think that I'm a competent enough gamer to have played elden ring. writing these scenarios as if they're seeing you go into a rage for the first time!
Astarion
Very much an 'oh. oh! oh...' moment for him.
Doesn't want to confess that he's attracted to the way you go feral, but anyone looking at him during battle will see how he is affected.
He already thought you were charming with your eloquence and courtly mannerisms, but this drives him wild. The idea you had this potential thrumming through your veins this whole time is delicious.
He can smell the blood pumping through your veins as you rage and does something for him. If you're together, expect a visit from him that night.
Gale
Loves to engage you in long, thoughtful conversations over tea every night. Did not expect this side to you.
At first he thinks some untowards magic has been cast on you, but then he sees how in control you are even when you're letting loose.
Is flustered and flattered when you make sure he's safe in battle, using your rage to protect his body with yours.
Afterwards when you check he's okay he has to try and hide how much he's blushing as he stammers out an affirmative. Asks you lots of questions about the nature of your rage. Can't stop staring at you when you're in battle...
Wyll
Lets out a little "oh, my!" when you first rage in front of him.
A bit gobsmacked but jumps back into action, quickly helping you fend off whatever enemies have caused your ire.
Is over it remarkably quickly, and takes it in his stride - in camp the two of you discuss court and your respective times in it, laughing at tales of long gone social faux-pas...
And on the battlefield you are a machine cutting down everything in your wake as he uses finesse to dispatch your foes. He thinks you are night and day... but that you are wonderful.
Karlach
Sees you rage for the first time and she lets out a "FUCK YEAH!"
Drops into a rage by your side and the two of you absolutely decimate the battlefield. The gang of mercenaries who came for you never knew what hit them.
After you wipe your brow with an embroidered handkerchief from your pocket and offer her a spare, which she takes and uses (completely destroying it in the process with soot from her engine)
Geeks out with you every day about raging. The two of you discuss battle tecniques and play-wrestle, which more often than not brings down half the camp. She loves it. She thinks you're perfect.
Lae'zel
Never really gave you the time of day before now. She found your elegant manner irritating. Why use honeyed words when you can cut straight to the point?
But then, oh, she sees you rage, and she is enamoured.
That night demands that you tell her why you never said that you could fight like that. You have an argument saying you never felt the need to... it goes on until the two of you calm down and end up sitting well into the night discussing how you grew up as warriors.
She has a respect for you from then on, confident you can look after yourself on the battlefield. More often than not she watches you fight with an appreciative eye.
Shadowheart
Oh, she's thrilled. We know she likes barbarians anyway (see her thirsty dialogue about Karlach) so when you rage in front of her?
She just stares for a bit. It's all she's able to do.
When that staring leaves her vulnerable to attack and you come and defend her, oh, she's gone. She has such a crush on you. If she had one before, it's doubled.
You're always the first one she comes to check on after battle. She likes to lay her hands on your bicep as she's healing you, perhaps feeling the muscle a bit more than is necessary. Her cheeks are always bright pink.
#shadowheart x reader#shadowheart x tav#karlach x reader#karlach x tav#gale x reader#gale x tav#gale dekarios x reader#gale of waterdeep x reader#astarion x reader#astarion x tav#astarion ancunin x reader#lae’zel x reader#lae’zel x tav#Wyll x reader#wyll x tav#wyll ravengard x reader#Wyll ravengard x tav#My writing#request#long post
272 notes
·
View notes
Text
Rewatching a few scenes from Star Trek Voyager's 2 part episode: Workforce. These episodes really did a number on Janeway; this is one of the times I did wish emotional arcs carried over from one episode to the next.
In the seven years in the Delta Quadrant, nothing has stopped Janeway's quest to bring home her crew back to the Alpha Quadrant.
And in the Delta Quadrant, for Captain Kathryn Janeway, the Voyager is home.
Janeway has faced off against the Borg Queen, the Hirogen, the Vidiians, and Species 8472 but no one has done as much damage to Janeway the way Dr Kadan did a number on Kathryn Janeway.
Because Kadan took away Janeway's certainty.
Kathryn Janeway can traverse any gulf, and jump to any fire as long as she has her iron-clad certainty and belief in her mission intact and that was what Kadan took from Kathryn Janeway.
He accidentally pinpointed the one thing she's been able to repress for so long, and that's her loneliness and how bone tired she is of being in Command.
More than any other Captain, Kathryn Janeway needed a sabbatical. She needed to reconnect with herself, and just be Kathryn.
This is the gift and curse Kadan gave to Kathryn Janeway. Because as plain ol' Kathryn Janeway, a factory worker she was happy, free of responsibility and burdens of Command.
She found friends, love, and comfort in Jaffen (a well-casted romantic lead. The actor had charisma and acting chops to make us believe Janeway Captain or just Kathryn would fall for him).
I don't think Janeway even knew how lonely she's become -- no one needed a long vacation from work than Janeway. I hope that she got that vacation Starfleet put her on the Flag Officer track.
Through the whole two-part episode we see them build up this vivacious and happy version of Kathryn, and then by part 2, the story slowly pulls that away from her.
Just as an example, the look on Kathryn's face when Harry addresed her as "Captain".
You can see how Harry addressing Kathryn as "Captain" struck a chord in her but it's also like someone threw cold water at her.
Kathryn immediately tells Harry to call her "Kathryn" instead:
Kathryn tries to still be in denial and tentatively brings up what Chakotay told her: "He said you had proof of who some of us really are."
She's trying to put distance between herself and this reality. She's conflicted-- she doesn't want to be Captain Janeway. There's even a hint of temptation there that she doesn't want to continue on helping her missing friends.
And yet, the moment Voyager and her crew were in trouble some part of herself reacted. And despite what she felt, she proceeded to bring down the shield knowing that doing so would tear her away from the life she's come to love.
This happens fast, once the shield grid is down, Kathryn disappears from Jaffen's side.
And the next time they see each other again, Kathryn Janeway is Captain Kathryn Janeway again with her uniform and Command back. And they might as well be a million miles away despite being in the same room:
Janeway allows herself to embrace Jaffen for one last time, and there's tears in her eyes, her grief is palpable. It's the way she's held herself apart from Jaffen, the way her hand twitches like she wants to reach out and touch him but can't.
Not in the uniform she's wearing, not in the position she's in.
You can see how much her experience in Quarren affected Janeway by the way she enters the Bridge:
In the turbo lift, she's faced away from the Bridge as if she can't bear being there. She has to steel herself.
Normally Janeway occupies the turbo lift like she owns that space. Because she DOES.
It’s so strange seeing Janeway occupy so little space in her own bridge, even when Voyager was hijacked she never looked out of place or so small.
The moment she steps out Harry, eager Ensign Harry, who missed the events in Quarren and how it might have affected her notices Captain Janeway immediately and announces her arrival.
She looks around at the bridge, still uncertain. Still picking up the pieces of the Captain.
Even when she sat on her Command chair,Janeway looked uncomfortable and for the first time, Captain Janeway doesn't look like she's larger than life.
She can't help but confide to Chakotay:
And. There. It. Is.
The biggest moment. Janeway admitted that Quarren felt like home. Even in The 37s, on a planet that's closest to Earth and home Janeway never even considered that home.
In the Delta Quadrant, Voyager is home.
The moment Janeway said this on the rewatch, I was bowled over because this is such a big moment for Janeway. A big thing for her to admit.
Chakotay asks her if Janeway is sorry he showed up and upended her comfortable life in Quarren?
There is a second's beat, but the beat tells all the story that needs to be said. Janeway rallies and lies: "Not for a second."
She's saying the right words but, at that moment, so near Quarren, after just losing Jaffen. Janeway says something she doesn't feel.
Janeway orders Tom to resume the course for home; but after she gives the order, Janeway's face falls.
And it's so damned sad and this, as I said above, is one of the moments I wish they continued this emotional throughline with Janeway.
Kadan did a number on her and I wish we get to see throughout a few episodes Janeway slowly get over the lie and find a measure of happiness.
Instead, season 7 loses its focus on Janeway and bizarrely have an episode with Q Jr and then a lot of focus on the EMH Doctor. It takes several episodes before Janeway gets the focus again, and that's the series finale.
If Voyager were written today, and the writers were allowed, this moment would be the emotional turning point for Janeway. It's the point where Janeway has to find a way home fast otherwise she's heading for a breakdown.
The center will not hold.
It's probably a good thing her future, alternate self decided to save Captain Janeway the heartbreak of a decade more of this life, and losing the people she loves the most.
And it kind of hurts that canonically, we don't know if Janeway was able to take that vacation. And if Janeway was able to get a measure of happiness and love, as I've mentioned after this episode and after Firewall I really don't care who Janeway ends up with anymore as long as Janeway is happy.
/Edited, March 13 2024, 10AM
205 notes
·
View notes
Text
Sunday Broadcast Crew
A quick run through of the (existing) cast for Sunday Broadcast - a T.V Show in which Sunday (Clown Reader) is the star. Lemme know what y'all think-
Sunday the Clown/Clown Reader - Silly, Kind Hearted Clown. Only wants the best for everyone.
Telly (he/they/it) - Sunday's tag along and (second) best friend. A slightly mischievous television who always comes around when needed. Knows more than he's willing to tell, but as long as Sunday is safe he keeps his big mouth shut.
Gus (he/they) Sir (he/it) - A silly clown and his best friend, an anthropomorphic rabbit with a bad habit and a bad attitude. Sir can often be found chewing gum as smoking is forbidden during show hours. Low-key hates Gus, but is his best friend. Gus is unaware of his bed friends true feelings - loves everyone one and thing, but loves Sunday the most (please keep that a secret)
Melan (she/they) and Holly (she/her) - A sad jester and her best friend, a sweet housewife clown who tries her best to cheer her dear up. Melan is an unlucky girl who has little success with her tricks, often can be found sobbing in her room until Sunday, Holly or her siblings can convince her to come out.
Ventri (They/them) and Tres (they/it) - A playful mime and their.....friend? Pet? Ventri is a mime who doubles as a ventriloquist to some extent. Enjoys making hand puppets of their friends and can never be seen without one. "Speaks" solely through their puppets, their ability to mimic voices is scarily accurate. Tres is a giant wood puppet with a candy dispenser fitted into their stomach/chest. Gives candy to those who deserve it, bites those who don't.
Gus, Melan, and Ventri are all related. Sir, Holly, and Tres are their "imaginary friends" who are only visible to those who believe in them/they trust.
Thirteenth (they/them) and Wishbone (they/them) - An unlucky cat and a fortune rabbit shoved into a miserable companionship. The two cancel each other out in terms of their unnatural luck/unluck leading to them being unable to be apart for long. The two can hardly stand each other, their only common interests being Sunday. Wishbone has a permanent limp in their right leg following an accident they don't like to talk about. Thirteenth had their eye torn out by a broken shard of glass.
Margo Maggie (she/her) - An apple girl sweet as can be. Can easily be found in her garden tending to her crops. Her name is not "Margo Maggie" as much as it is Margo and Maggie as Maggie is her best friend abd biggest helper. Maggie has never been seen by anyone else due to how shy they are. If you happen to find a single tooth in an apple Margo gives you, please return it. It isn't not ripe yet.
Ferret (he/him) - A timid doll boy with an intense jealousy streak. Jealous of his peers for being able to feel and eat, and do everything else a normal human can do. The only reason he can "see" is because his eyes are glass. The empty cavity of his body is filled with fake organs and bones. If he is to ever loose a part of himself.... The best thing to do is hold your breath and hope he mistakes you for a doll like him.
The Handyman (It) - Keeps things in order, tolerates Sunday alone, very handy, likes balls of yarn.
Charlie - Charlotte? Charles? Charlene? Sunday's best and only friend :)
#Sunday Broadcast#yandere oc#yandere x reader#yandere#yandere imagines#yandere x you#yandere headcanons#Clown reader
137 notes
·
View notes
Text
╰┈─✩ ˚ ‧ All the ways I love you ‧ ˚
✧˖° synopsis : The Jjk first years and their love languages !
✧˖° cast and crew : Megumi Fushiguro, Yuji Itadori & Nobara Kugisaki x Black Reader < 3
.ᐟ content warnings : General tomfoolery and mushy mush cause FUCK THE MANGA.
⤑ .𖥔 ݁ ˖ authors note : It’s been actual decades since I’ve posted any form of writing….I feel so unseasoned LMAO. This is just a quick lil hc post, nun crazyyy 😽
—
Megumi “I’ll do it” Fushiguro : Acts of Service king.
Now one thing about Megumi??? He’s gonna hit you with the “I got it” EVERY. SINGLE. TIME without fail. Doesn’t matter what time of day, doesn’t matter what he’s doing, he’s gonna make sure you don’t lift a finger for anythinggg.
Is he gonna complain whilst doing it? Of course.
But that’s just true Megumi fashion. It doesn’t mean he ACTUALLY hates doing things for you. Whether that be grabbing you snacks or completing mundane tasks for you such as carrying your bag or opening doors for you, HES GONNA DO IT EVERY TIME. You don’t even have to ask.
Def brings a “if he wanted to he would” typa vibe to the relationship and obviously you appreciate it ten fold (despite the tough guy act he tries and subsequently fails to put on. He loves him some you.) And what better way can he show that than through actions?
They speak louder than words, right?
—
Yuji “I love you” Itadori : Words of Affirmation goat
Ok y’all listen here, this boy is a certified yapper through and mf through. ESPECIALLY when it comes to you.
He will never fail to let you— or anyone for that matter, know just how much he loves you and appreciates your presence. You’re like some sort of higher being to him, the best thing since sliced bread if you will.
All day everyday he’s spouting all sorts of “I love you” and “I’m so lucky to have you 🥲” and he’s gonna get emotional EVERY TIME. Like he won some sort of award (the prize being you of course.) And that doesn’t even include the impromptu monologues about how you’ve changed him for the better, and how glad he is to even have someone as amazing as you.
He loves you REAL BAD, why wouldn’t he tell you?
He’d scream it from the rooftops if he could.
—
Nobara “Look what I got you” Kugisaki : Gift giving queen
Now, I personally consider Nobara to be a mixture of quality time and gift giving, but I’m leaning more with the latter because damn is she a great gifter.
Not only does she love spending money (me too girl, me too.) But, she LOVESSSSS you. Two birds with one stone she’d say, because she loves having an excuse to drop a couple dollars and make you happy in the process.
If she sees you eyeing something while window shopping? It’s yours automatically— whether you actually intended to buy it or not. She’s not good with the whole “lovey dovey” schtick, that’s just not her style. But to make up for it, she makes sure that you have whatever you want when you want it, even if you express she doesn’t HAVE to.
SHE WANTS TO, and you can’t tell her otherwise.
⤑ .𖥔 ݁ ˖ tags : - @morosis-haze @jogeto @mypimpademia @ivanari @planetlunaa @cosmiles @milesmolasses @chinieh @romiantic @stqrriichiigo
if you wish to be tagged in any future works, here’s my tag form to fill out <33
if you wish to submit a request, here’s my ask box :)
⤑ .𖥔 ݁ ˖ closing notes : hey guys…ahahaha…
LOOK IK I SAID I WAS GONNA POST A MONTH AGO BUT LIFE WAS LIFING LMAOOO
I also got a new job now so I won’t have AS much time to post and be silly on here (not that I was super active before but yk.)
Anyhow, thanks for reading and putting up with my lying ass 😕🫶🏽
Love y’all BOOTS DOWN
Mwah 💋
- Xoxo, Yves
#saint laurent productions#jjk trio#jjk x black reader#jjk x reader#megumi fushiguro headcanons#nobara kugisaki headcanons#yuji itadori headcanons#nobara x reader#megumi x reader#yuji x reader#megumi x black reader#nobara x black reader#yuji x black reader#Jjk trio x reader
104 notes
·
View notes
Text
hii :) this is my first time writing on here, so please be kind to me. i do appreciate constructive criticism though!
a/n: while there isn’t any smut in this, there are some suggestive themes. there is also mention of anxiety
ANXIOUS MY LOVE?
jack champion x reader
He was spiraling. You could see it in his eyes, as soon as you looked over at him. He was freaking and you weren’t quite sure how to help. You couldn’t quite tell how deep in his thoughts he was at the moment.
You knew you needed to get him somewhere quiet though. Somewhere away from the prying eyes of reporters surrounding the red carpet.
“Hey, Jack? Hey-“ You pause as he meets your eyes. The whites of his tinged with pink from holding back tears. A soft worried smile makes its way to your face, and you place a comforting hand on his arm. “I’m gonna get you somewhere a little more quiet, okay?” All he can manage to do for now is nod.
You’re not sure if it’s the bright lights, the shouting from every direction, maybe even the nerves of everyone he loves watching the premiere of his new movie. Maybe it’s all of that and then some, but there’s one thing you know for a fact and that is he’s on the verge of an anxiety attack. You make quick steps to find the entrance of the building the premiere is being held in, avoiding the yells from cameramen trying to get pictures of your boyfriend.
You finally make it inside and find a quiet room, pushing him inside quickly, before locking the door making sure no one can disturb you two. “I’m just gonna let your mom know what’s going on. I don’t want her to panic when she can’t find us.”
After sending her a quick text, you stand in front of Jack, taking his hands into your own. “You wanna tell me what’s going on in that pretty brain of yours?” You tilt your head a bit to look up at him, making eye contact so he knows he has your full undivided attention.
He’s leaning against a counter, big brown eyes staring straight into yours.
“It’s just a lot at once. This is my first big movie role, you know. I’m worried about disappointing you and disappointing my mom.
What if I’m a shit actor and this is all I’m ever gonna get because I suck so bad at doing the one thing I love.” Jack pauses, pulling you closer to his body, wrapping his arms completely around you and lays his head on top of yours before continuing.
“I just- We all have spent so much of our time on this movie. And not just the cast and crew, I’m talking about my mom too. She’s done so much for me. She’s given so much of her time for me.” He takes a breath in, his words getting caught in his throat.
“And you-“ He pauses again, moving his hands to cup your face. He smiles, his dimples peeking through, and then places a soft kiss to your lips. “You have been nothing but supportive, patient, and shown me nothing but love.”
You can hear the emotion in his voice. You can see the tears he’s trying his best to hold back. You can feel the slight shake in his hands.
“I’m terrified right now, baby. I just don’t want to disappoint you.”
You place your hands on top of his, still resting on your cheeks. “Jack, I love you, okay? Your mom loves you too. And I’m willing to bet, she’d agree with me when i say, you could never disappoint us. We know how much you put into this. We know how hard you’ve worked.
You remember that little music video you made for school? About the pythagorean theorem.” A blush coats the apples of his cheeks, you know he hates that video. You love it though.
“Do you know how proud I was of you when you made that? You stepped outside of your comfort zone, and made something hilarious.” Jack shakes his head and he gives you a small laugh. “My point is, you can’t disappoint us. Cause no matter what you do, we’re gonna keep loving you and cheering you on.”
You move your hand down to his bicep, squeezing it before rubbing it up and down. “I seriously don’t deserve you.” Jack mumbles as he leans down to place another kiss to your lips. This time he deepens it, it lasting a lot longer than the other one. “Yeah, well you can prove your worth later when we’re alone.” You mumble back.
“We’re alone now.”
You push at his chest as his lips move down to your jaw. “I mean later in the privacy of our hotel room. Besides, my very attractive boyfriend is in this movie we’re about to watch. Can’t miss that, now can we?” You take your thumb and wipe away the pink lipgloss from his lips, a little more swollen from the heated kiss you two shared just moments ago. He grabs your hand before you pull it away and places a kiss to the palm of it, before grasping it in his.
“I guess you’re right.” Jack says as he rolls his eyes affectionately. You let out a small laugh, shaking your head at him. “But seriously, are you feeling better?” Physically you can tell he is, but you being you needed him to verbally confirm he was okay, before going back out there.
He smiles down at you once again and grabs your chin, kissing you one more time before answering.
“Yes baby, i’m feeling much better because of you.”
“Good! Now let’s go watch little Jack run around with that big ass forehead on display.”
“Oh you’re paying for that one later.” Jack says as he pinches your sides, making you squeal with laughter.
His little threat meant nothing to you, you were just happy he was feeling better.
929 notes
·
View notes
Text
Dos and Don’ts IV
A/N: hello my loves this final part to this fic completes the birth of one of my favourite fics I’ve written. Thank you for reading and enjoying it just as much—every like, comment, and dm meant the world <3
Parts: 1 / 2 / 3 / 4
—————————————————
We have an extra day in Barcelona and the team is buzzing to enjoy their nightlife since we could sleep all day tomorrow. I’d visited here while I was a uni student so I give some suggestions.
Harry’s a little on edge the whole time. Earlier today some headline from a musician Harry worked with was taken out of context and thus took the internet by storm. Now he was being flooded with people wanting to know his thoughts and feelings. It was a hot topic.
With a joint effort of me, Jeff, and Graham, we tried to keep the spotlight on his Barcelona show. Well my role was mostly to screen Harry from seeing any further discourse online.
The show itself was one of the loudest I’d been to—I was glad I had my own ear protection. The tense Harry falls away and he’s electric on stage. Even coming backstage he’s on a high; he hugs the crew and thanks everyone like he usually did at the end of shows and disappears into his dressing room with Jeff. They look like they’re talking intensely.
“So,” Sarah slides in beside me. “We noticed you’re a bit different coming back. What’s happened?”
I try to play dumb but the girls keep pushing.
“Me and my fiancé ended things,” I confess. They gasp, Claire’s eyes actually fill with tears.
“Shh!” I shush them. “Keep it on the down low please I don’t want anyone to know.”
“But y/n why are you even here!? Is it because of tour! I’m sure Harry could have rearranged things-“
“No no,” I appreciated their support but I didn’t want to hash things out. “It’s just…I think it was a long time coming. God, I don’t wanna cry. I’m good. For now. And I want to be on tour I need the distraction.”
“I get it,” they sympathize. “We’re gonna make you forget so hard tonight.”
“Okay but don’t,” I look around us to make sure there was nobody else around. “Please don’t tell Harry. Seriously please. I don’t want him to know especially. I don’t want him to treat me differently or something.”
“Lips are sealed.” Sarah zips her mouth. “But we can all tell you’re off. It’s hard not to practically living together these last couple months. If he asks we’ll say…”
“Just say she’s on a break?” Charlie suggests.
“Yeah,” I shrug. “Things are complicated, I’m on a break, whatever that’s fine.”
The girls lean towards me and envelop me in a hug. It reminds me of my friends I’d said goodbye to.
“Thanks,” I say through tears.
And the girls hold me to their promise.
After we get dressed for the night—I chose a corset-style top and trousers—we head out. The sun dips below the horizon and the old city is cast in a warm orange glow that could inspire anyone who set eyes on it. String lights come on and music plays from various doors; the city is alive.
We tease each other about looking so glam as we wander the narrow cobblestone streets. Aside from the shows we all wore sweats and tees.
Every place we pass sets my senses alight. We grab tapas from a place that smells irresistible and chat over each other about tonight’s wicked show. I continue avoiding Harry by sitting as far away from him as I can get.
As we wander off in search of the club I can’t help but feel a twinge at how incredibly romantic the moonlit streets felt.
The club is loud and alive, the noise levels even feel normal after the roar of the last few of Harry’s shows. My mood starts shooting up steadily as I drink in the energy around me.
We join the crowd and I give away my worries and my annoyances to enjoy the music. I feel it in my chest and for a blissful moment I’m grateful for my whole damn life despite everything.
“Cute guy!” Someone shouts in my ear.
Charlie nudges me to one of the guys dancing nearby. “Get distracted!”
I shake my head no.
“Do it!” She cheers. It barely travels to me. She grabs Claire’s hand and tugs her, letting her in on the plan and they goad me into going for it.
I motion a drink. I’d need another shot for the courage.
We trail back to the bar and do a round of shots, and they grin with thumbs up as I hesitantly enter the crowd again.
The dude they pointed out is tall and beautiful. Like beautiful not even handsome. I get stuck looking up at him in awe, he wasn’t really my type. A tad too pretty boy but when he notices me looking he smiles and I’m won over. I couldn’t deny a good smile.
“Hey!” He turns his body to me. At least I think he say hey.
“Hey!” I shout back.
“Que pasa?”
“What?!” I couldn’t hear a single thing. What did I expect.
He smiles and takes my hand that had been anxiously playing with the edge of my top. The other has a hand splint that I’d received in Madrid. Apparently I sprained my fingers.
The stranger wriggles both my hands to loosen them, raising his brow at the splint. I laugh.
He asks in my ear but I don’t understand. It sounds like a question, something bylar. When I scrunch my brows he laughs, “Dance! We dance!?”
“Dance!” I laugh. He was cute! “Yes! I want to dance with you!”
“Vamos,” he pulls me in. I understood that at least.
I used to do this in uni, I think. I should be able to do it again.
He teases me a little because I’m so tense. His hands knead down my back to my waist to get me to relax. It feels nice, being touched by a man that looks like he was carved from marble but filled with music.
I begin to find my rhythm and sway with him, eventually letting go completely. He compliments me as I start to move with him and pretty soon I’ve channeled my 20-year-old self. It feels pretty spectacular.
When his lips ghost my cheek I don’t protest. Right now, I felt good. Everything was on the back burner’s back burner and I felt grounded in this nighclub with this random stranger who was paying attention to me, just me. And it’s just us. And it’s just temporary. And I feel good.
When I turn around, my back to his chest, he moves my hair to the side and kisses down my neck. It felt good.
I run my hand up into his hair and he moves lower murmuring foreign words on my skin, our bodies still dancing in the same language, his hands still gripping my waist and my hips. I feel blissed out.
It ends in a split second.
“What are you doing?” Harry’s suddenly tugging me towards him. His mouth makes the words I just fill them in with his annoyingly bossy voice.
“Hey man,” the guy I’m dancing with tries to get in between us.
“What are you doing!?” I snatch my hand away from Harry.
Harry puts his hand on my partner’s chest and says something to him, maybe in Spanish. He looks at me with puppy dog eyes and I look at Harry. What had he said.
“What did you say?” I ask. I try to call back my dancing partner but he just salutes me with a smile and fades into the crowd. No wait, I’m being dragged away.
“Y/n what are you doing out there?”
“What am I doing?” I shout. “What are you?! I was having a nice time with that guy what did you say to him?”
He walks away, further back into the edges of the club. There’s a few people milling about with a number of them involved in heavy makeout sessions.
Harry turns to face me finally. “You’re engaged y/n, Claire and Sarah said things are complicated at home is that why you’re doing this?”
“What!” I throw my hands up, tears prick my eyes. What the fuck was his problem! Since when did he care? “Why do you care?! Yes, things are complicated and I was getting my mind off of said things—what is your issue? You want to drag me back here and remind me of how shitty things have been?”
“This isn’t the way,” Harry insists. “You don’t even know that guy!”
“Whatever I’m over this convo.”
I turn to leave but Harry grabs my hand, the one in the splint, and pulls me back.
“Sorry,” he lets go of the splint. Then picks it up again. “Look. I’m worried about you. This isn’t you, you’re not the girl that goes home with another guy when your fiancé is back at home! I just don’t want you making any regrets.”
“Oh is that it,” I step towards him so my hand isn’t so outstretched. He stands still but on my second step he inches back. “Since when did you get a high horse huh? Don’t tell me who I am and who I’m not. You barely know me! If I want to make decisions I regret I can do that. They’re mine to make.”
“No. Y/n, as mad as you are don’t go home with a stranger.”
“As if you don’t!” I scoff. “What’s your real agenda here? What’s going on?”
“Nothing!” He insists.
“Why do you suddenly care so much about my chastity?”
“It’s for your own good!”
He’s lying. I know he’s lying and I don’t know why he pulled me away from my beautiful Spanish dance partner but I was actually relaxing and now he’s put me right back into this crazed and tense headspace I kept finding myself in.
Fine, I decide. I could make him regret it.
“Really? You care about my morality that much?” I ask.
With my hand flat on his chest I’ve pushed him further into the wall behind him. He watches me with a guarded look.
But I want him unguarded, vulnerable. The same way he’s made me feel. I lean in, “Are you really worried about the technicalities of me cheating on my fiancé?”
I hover a half foot from his lips. Finally his eyes flicker down to my lips and I know I’ve got him.
I slide my hand up his chest and when my hand inches up the skin of his throat his eyes grow unguarded and heady with lust. He doesn’t push me away. He doesn’t say no.
Hypocrite.
I drop my hand.
“That’s what I thought Mr. Styles.”
I watch for a wonderful moment as the lust clears from his eyes and he realizes what happened. Shame, embarrassment, resignation, and then anger.
I spin on my heel and head away from him. He could deal with the consequences of his actions all on his own.
I’m half-afraid he’ll come after me but luckily I make it out of the club alone.
“He’s such a dick,” I say more to myself. Just to get it out because I’m pissed. “Who the fuck does he think he is!?”
My night is over. I just want to take this all off and forget about it. Maybe I can lock myself in my room and raid the mini-fridge, get drunk and cry myself to sleep. Those seemed like the best options right now.
I take an uber to the hotel. As I walk up to it I notice a weird crowd outside. For nearly 2am I wasn’t expecting this and my instincts kick in that this wasn’t normal. Especially when I notice all the camera straps.
“Excuse me,” I ask the front desk. “Why are there a bunch of paparazzi outside?”
“Is there?” The man behind the counter asks. “Sorry we will tell them to leave. Are you staying with us?”
“That’s a privacy concern out there, and a concern with your staff because they’re here. How do they know who’s staying here?!”
It seems to dawn on him I wasn’t just asking out of curiosity. He promises me he’ll get management. In the meantime I call Jeff and explain the situation. He starts to panic the way I hated, looking for something to blame. He calls Graham who sounds like he’s driving in nascar. It’s a very noisy and over-stimulating conversation.
“Call Harry!” Jeff orders. “Tell him he cannot go back to the hotel no matter what! Fucking vultures man!”
“Y/N,” Graham says in a calmer voice. “You need to go back to where Harry is with some sort of disguise. A hat or sunglasses. That sort of thing-“
“It’s night.”
“Yes night. No glasses. Book the closest hotel you can find. Tell his band they can come back, but to go through the back. They might get spotted but they’re trained on dodging questions. That will keep the vultures there waiting for Harry and we can pick you two up back to the airport tomorrow morning. Where’s after this?”
“Glasgow,” I bite my nail as I think. I had to call Harry asap. What if he was on his way back. “I gotta go now to call him though. Talk later.”
I hang up and call Harry. He picks up the second time.
I explain the situation and he reacts the same way as Jeff, swearing and cursing the papps. I tell him what I was going to do and tell him to go right back into the club. To pass on the word to the team even though I was going to send them a text.
I head up to my room and grab what fits in my bag. I didn’t have Harry’s room key so I decide he’d have to wear my hat and head back out. The vultures stay waiting, now just a few feet further away from the entrance.
I speak briefly to management—I figured Jeff could talk to them and give his classic earful.
On the drive I find a nearby hotel to the club and collect Harry to get him there. We’re too tense to talk when we meet up. Once inside again, I tell him to sit in the lounge while I go up to the desk.
Act above it all, I channel a rich bitch. We needed privacy and we needed nobody to know Harry was here.
“Hi I need a room.” I say.
“Of course, how many night will you be staying with us.”
I glance back to see where Harry sits. He’s in a wingback chair that’s mostly turned away and with his hair stuffed in the baseball cap you can hardly tell it’s him.
“Just a night. I need your best room please.”
“Absolutely,” the woman smiles and I feel bad for only giving a tight-lipped smile back. I wait as she clicks away, finally looking back to me with a slight frown. “So miss unfortunately we are very booked tonight. There are a couple events going on in the city making things very popular.”
“The best room will do. Preferably large.”
“Well,” she hesitates. “A lot of our larger rooms are taken um. I can offer you a bed with one king, it is a bit smaller because it’s by the elevators. I also have one with a queen that is tucked away in the corner with a better view.”
I wanted to be as far away from Harry as possible but by an elevator was asking for trouble.
“Well, I’d rather stay far away from noise so we’ll take the queen.”
“Is that just you or…” she glances at Harry.
“Yes. Two. We’ve had a rough day of travel he’s just resting.”
I hand over ID and my card, trying not to balk at the total. At least I’ll get reimbursed.
“Do you have any bags?” The concierge swoops in as I get the key card.
“No! No. Like I said, bad travel day. We just need somewhere to sleep and we’ll reunite with the bags once they arrive tomorrow.”
They leave us alone after that. I hoped it was because I’d been standoffish enough and not plain weird.
The elevator ride up to the 8th floor is stony and I spend the spare second to text Jeff and Graham the hotel’s address.
The room itself is pretty sub-par and the adrenaline of getting Harry here safely wears off.
I drop my bag by the door and pull out my toiletry bag.
“I don’t have clothes for you to change into, I didn’t have your room key.”
“Yeah. S’fine. I’ll just sleep shirtless unless that bothers you.”
We stare at each other for a tense moment.
“I’m fine with that, you’re the one with the high horse.”
After doing all this for him I wasn’t going to be easy to deal with if he wasn’t going to be easy to deal with.
He chooses to ignore me.
“How the fuck did they know I was staying there? We were under a-“
His phone rings and he answers. Sounds like Jeff.
I use the time to go to the bathroom and finally take off the makeup. I realize I should have grabbed my pjs from my bag too. I take my hair down and massage my scalp with my fingers, letting myself calm down despite the aggressive voices outside.
“Yeah whatever. Keep me updated.” I hear. Great. That was done with.
I leave the bathroom and Harry’s still pacing the floor.
“You’re gonna wear the carpet down if you keep doing that.”
He stops and looks at me, his eyes trail down my body.
“You didn’t bring yourself a change of clothes either?”
“You wish,” I head for my bag again and grab the tee and shorts. “I just forgot them out here.”
“Do you always have to be so snarky?”
Oh, so he wanted to fight. Good news for him, so did I.
“Depends. With you? When you’re being a dick? Yeah. I do.”
“It’s really quite unbecoming.”
“Is it?” I mock his accent. “It’s not proper for a lady to be snarky?”
“I don’t sound like that. You just never let anything go.” He continues.
“I never let anything go?” I repeat.
“Yeah! Ever!”
“What do you want me to let go?” I ask.
“Everything. You’re bothered by everything just let it all fucking go.”
“No like specifically what should I let go?” I turn on him and with each question I stalk towards him. “Being treated like trash by you? Being told I’m replaceable and unnecessary? Getting bossed around about who I can and can’t dance with because you suddenly decide to be the morality police!?”
“Jesus take it down a notch y/n.” We’re fuming as we square off. “I’m not your bloody fiancé.”
“And thank fuck you’re not!” I throw the clothes in my hand on the bed. “You’re my employer Mr. Styles and I’ve been nothing but a good fucking employee for the last year! I try to keep my patience and do everything I can to do my best! You’re the one always trying to blur lines! You’re the one always getting in my damn business when I don’t pay you to!”
With every accusation I poke my finger into his chest and it’s like literally pushing buttons. His face gets stonier and stonier until I’m sure he’s going to crack.
“You wanna know what your fucking issue is?” He swipes my hand away.
“Oh sure tell me, wise Harry Styles who definitely has no issues at all. Tell me.”
“This. This is your fucking issue,” he spits. “You’ve always got such a temper on you! I’m not blurring any bloody lines I check up on you and you get all offended over nothing!”
“Over nothing?” I ask. I laugh sarcastically and walk away from him. I was seeing red. “Over nothing?”
“Yes! I don’t do shite and suddenly you’re trying to bite my dick off.”
“You fucking wish,” I turn on him. “It’s crazy you don’t realize what an absolute jackass you are! We should be refunding all those fans who’ve come out to see you because the man they’re paying for is a fake! You’ve treated me like nothing and embarrassed me countless time-“
“Embarrassed you,” he scoffs.
“Yes!” I go on. “What do you call what you said on our way to Paris huh? You can be so cruel! So if I have a temper it’s justified because you’re one of the worst people I’ve met!”
“What did I say?”
“Are you kidding? You’re going to make me repeat it?” He was crazy. He was depraved and absolutely insane. Or he just hated me.
“I’m not playing a game just tell me!”
“You said I could have skipped the whole tour and nobody would notice.” I say the words that had looped through my head. And of course, he has the audacity to look surprised. “Thanks. A lot! It makes it even worse that you were so casual with your cruelt-“
“You need to stop being so sensitive,” he has the nerve to say. “Then maybe you can manage your temper.”
“I can manage my temper any time but you’re moody like a pre-pubescent teen and that looks to be a lifetime fucking problem!”
“What’s your fucking problem Y/n! What is your problem with me!? Why do you still work for me if you are this angry all the time!”
“I’m not this angry all the time, you just makes me this angry! And I hate you for it!”
“Then quit!”
“Maybe I will!” I had to. After tonight and this blowout I had to. How could I work for Harry like this.
“Great! Then you can take your problems with you.”
“Don’t gaslight me,” how dare he. “You’re not innocent in this! You create my problems and blame me for being this way.”
“Whatever y/n.”
“No.” I wasn’t letting him off the hook. I get in his face again. “Why did you stop me tonight? Why did you keep me from doing what I wanted tonight?”
“What? I told you I was looking out-“
“Bullshit!” I cut him off. “That’s a bullshit excuse, I want to know why!?”
I feel like I’m made of flames and in desperate need of a lobotomy. How could one guy make me this crazy. How could it all revolve around him.
“I was doing it for your own good! But clearly I understand why it’s so fucking complicated with your partner-“
“Don’t you dare talk about him,” I seethe. I was mad. Fuming. I want to get physical, I wish I could throttle him or at the very least access one of the pillows from across the room and smash it to the floor. I want him to see how angry I am because my words are twisted with every angle Harry could find. I wanted him to admit to something he’s been skirting for a long time. “Tell me.”
Harry stares at me with hate in his eyes and I know I have the same look. I wasn’t going to let him get away.
“You don’t even have the balls to admit it,” I poke. “Is this why you’re so hard-headed to anything I say? Because you can’t even admit something like this to yourself?”
“Just shut the fuck up y/n and stop being so mental.”
“I refuse to shut up. I want you to talk.”
His breathing gets faster and I watch him flex his hand. He was as angry as I was. Good.
“You’re a fraud. And I hate you.” I step into his space. Our bodies are a hair’s breadth away from each other’s. I want to show him how mad he makes me. I want to do something. I want him to admit this thing he’s been dancing around. It makes me so mad!
When he starts to shake his head at me I lose it. Instinct takes over where I want to physically show him how angry he was making me. I grab his face in my hands and push my mouth against his. I meet teeth.
But it doesn’t take long for him to respond. To correct the unadulterated anger with purpose.
He pushes back, kissing me harder whilst pushing me against the wall. I feel sandwiched, my chest crushed against his and I bite down on his lip trying to get back some control.
My hands are all over him, grabbing his shirt, running through his hair, pushing under his shirt to touch skin. Harry does the same, pulling at my hair and lifting me onto him.
Our tongues clash together, his hand grabs my ass, squeezing and moving up. His hands feel hot on my skin, his metal rings an icy contrast. Neither of us want to give up control. We keep fighting, just now with our bodies.
“Why can’t you ever just let it go,” he traces his teeth over my collarbone. It all feels too much.
In response I push him back, he stares at me for a heated second before we crash into each other again. We don't care where we are. All that mattered was here and showing the other who was in control. Who hated who the most.
Harry pulls away, his mouth a deep pink from our fight. His eyes are half lidded, his pupils dilated. I can tell he wants this but a part of him hesitates.
"We're doing this," I commit, not taking my eyes off his lips.
"I’m doing this," he growls and lifts me up, any hesitancy washed away. I wrap my legs around him, not thinking about anything but what I was going to do.
He whirls me around and deposits me onto the bed, and his body covers mine while his mouth attack my neck.
He wasn't gentle or slow, but then again, I didn't want him to be. I pull off his shirt, not wanting anything between us, not caring that my nails would leave marks down his back. Leaving something permanent on him sounded exactly what I needed.
I tug on his hair as his teeth come down on my chest. I feel heated as he swears, “Teasing me with this top all night was a fucking sin y/n.”
“Fuck off,” I gasp as he figures out the row of clasps at the front and the icy rings of his fingers presses against my sternum. I grit my teeth, “I didn’t wear this for you.”
His abs contract as he pushes himself back up, his eyes dark as his hands find the clasp on my trousers, undoing them with ease and tugging them off. His other hand comes back up to tilt my chin up.
“D’you really hate me?” He asks.
“Yes,��� I respond with zero hesitation.
He moves his body, covering mine with his own again. My breath catches in my throat as he presses his lips to my neck, slowly moving down. He drives me crazy with anticipation and I wriggle up to keep up the pace but he holds me in place. I let out a moan as he kisses my inner thighs, his fingers gripping the tops of them. I'm squirming under his hold, the heat pooling inside of me.
“Do you hate me?” He asks again.
“Yes,” I cry, not wanting to relent to him.
“Good,” he says and that’s the last thing I remember.
The rest is a tangle of limbs, an out-of-body sensation, and seismic wave after wave coursing through my body. It’s unlike anything I’ve experienced before; the fury we felt with each other fuzes to the passion of the moment and it blitzes every damn thought out of my head.
Hours later, or maybe the whole night later—I don’t know but all I do know was that my body was spent and I was barely hanging on.
“I can’t,” I plant my hands on his shoulders and nearly pitch forward just from pausing. His hand splays on my back, keeping me in place as he turns us around.
“Okay?” He asks low.
I nod, grateful that he was taking over.
And after riding out what I know would be my last wave he rolls off of me, and we lay there just trying to catch our breaths.
After a few minutes, I sense him tilting towards me, his eyes on my face. When he stares for so long it becomes obvious, I look back at him.
His eyes are not the same ones that started this mess, they’re breezy meadows of green compared to the icy sea glass from before. But it’s not surprising. With each round and each minute we spent with other tonight, things had grown softer. Not gentle, but softer.
And as we look at each other with the awareness that the anger had bled into the threads of these tangled sheets a long time ago, we’re left with something neither of us want to distinguish. At least I don’t.
His gaze holds something too real for a place like this and I quickly look away and back at the ceiling. I feel his eyes on me a moment longer before he himself turns away to stare at the same ceiling.
“Y/N,” someone suddenly calls my name, tapping my cheeks with a gentle pat. I have to pull myself from the depths of wherever the fuck I just went to open my eyes and look up, at Harry. He looks concerned and asks me a question that I don’t register—I was truly out of it. I must have dozed off.
I push his hand away and grab the closest piece of clothing to wrap around myself in which ends up being a sheet. I take myself to the bathroom to clean up.
I hardly recognize the girl in the mirror. My eyes are blown out and my neck looks like it was rammed by a bull. I can hardly look at the rest of me. I would need to buy something high necked before we got picked up tomorrow morning and use all the concealer I had. I know I marked every inch of him I could find too.
I had never felt that level of passion with anyone. It was unnerving.
My knees collapse under me as I sit on the toilet and try to count the tiles on the opposite wall, just to come back to earth. To my body.
I sense a shadow under the door after I’m in there for a while, I watch it move from one side to the other and then move away. I wait longer, nearly falling asleep there before going back out.
The bed looks a right mess and most of the duvet is twisted to the side. I don’t bother with it, I use the sheet I’m wrapped in and crawl right into bed. Harry seems to have fallen asleep too but as I near sleep I feel the bed dip and the heavy weight of the duvet drapes over me.
I don’t have enough clarity or energy tonight to think about what any of this meant but I know I was right about leaving.
***
We return to London on a Wednesday morning and nearly kiss the ground. Harry was still playing two shows here but getting to go back home instead of a hotel room was enough to make us weep.
I didn’t really have a home to go back to. I’d been thinking about that a lot as the tour took us closer and closer to London. I had texted Gray yesterday and we agreed I could crash there until this weekend to get my stuff together.
London had a metaphorical grey fog over it in my mind. Nothing felt appealing about it and the only thing on my mind these days was home—my childhood home.
I already knew I was going to give in my resignation letter to Harry after tour but I had a 3 week period under contract. I don’t think I could afford a hotel for three weeks and staying with any of my friends is out of the question.
These thoughts kept me preoccupied.
It helped me not to think about that night though. I avoided Harry unless it was for work, returning to the solitude of my first few months working for him. He does the same: curt and avoidant. I know others notice but nobody dares to ask.
It was the most intense thing I’d done in my whole life and that was saying something. There was a way that Harry got under my skin that nobody else could. And it was hard to find a balance after the scales had shifted so far in that direction.
I felt like I had to block it out until I could have space to process it. And yet memories still seeped through when I was quiet for a moment too long or when he’d walk past me with the same cologne as that night and I’d catch a whiff. I was doubly sure this chapter had to close.
When I get back to the flat on Wednesday Gray has vanished as he promised. He told me he’d drop by that evening to talk. Surprisingly, I felt calm about it. I don’t know if it was getting all of that ferocious energy out that had been churning for months, but I feel level-headed and I appreciate the space to myself.
Gray texts me before he arrives. Like this wasn’t the flat he was now paying for alone.
I know what he wanted to talk about—we were all supposed to go to Harry’s last show at the o2 since I had tickets for everyone. Josie was stoked and based on the way she’s been texting me leading up to the day I don’t think she knew. Gray confirms it.
“So,” he rubs the back of his neck. He looked nice in a beanie and corduroy jacket. I wonder if any of the effort was for me, then vanish the thought.
“So,” I echo.
We stand awkwardly across from each other—him propping himself up behind the couch and me leaning against the dining table. Like we needed to get as much furniture between us. Like we hadn’t shared a bed a few weeks ago.
“We should sit?”
“Yeah,” he attempts a laugh and sits on the sofa. I choose the closest chair and turn it to face him. “Yeah. Um, I don’t know how you feel about Saturday. But I haven’t told Josie yet. I haven’t really told anyone.”
I nod, “Me too. Not really. People at work think we’re on a break.”
“Right. Good.” He says. “I’m not tryna lie to people but I don’t really want to get into it…”
“Yeah,” I agreed. “So Josie?”
“I’ll let her know once…once you move out?”
Move out. Of this flat. It’s been home for nearly 3 years.
Gray had surprised me with it when he found it—I had been broke and only been able to pitch in for utilities and groceries but he’d been gracious. He’d been supportive once. But I guess his support had boundaries too. I didn’t entirely blame him for that.
“Sounds good. Or later, maybe when she’s done her exams.”
He leans back on the couch, arms spread over the back and sighs as he studies me. “Yeah of course. I should’ve thought of that. You’re always good at that stuff. She’s gonna be gutted.”
I nod. Not sure what to say to that.
“So you’ll be out on Saturday yeah?” He asks after a while. It seemed both of us had a lot on our minds. But his question stings a little.
“Yep. I’m off for most of the week so I’ll just pack things up. Uhm, with Josie and whatnot I guess we’re still acting like a couple? Will that be weird?”
“Yeah. It will be but we’ve got no other option.”
“Right.” I respond. His voice grows an edge I’m not a fan of. “Well. Thanks for letting me stay here. If you need anything else I guess you can grab it now.”
I want to ask how he’s doing, who he’s staying with, and just hold his face one last time to really remember. But his cold apathy grows like frostbite over the room and creeps into my heart. I always thought where there was love there would always be love but I’m not as sure tonight.
I stay busy and when I can’t sleep at night; I map out a dream, an exit plan home. I write up my resignation letter, I look at flights and rentals and talk things out with my family, I cancel wedding and couple shit, and grieve a fair bit.
On Friday afternoon, my only formal shift this week, I head to Harry’s with an anxious weight in my chest and a buzz in my head from the hope. Hope that this chapter of my life could end soon, and I can head home and recuperate and plan out what my life was going to look like.
Harry’s on a call when I get in. He spares me a glance but I head to the office with my stack of mail. Today was mostly for some housekeeping/admin but I hope to avoid Harry for the most part like I’ve done since that night. My letter sits like a bar of gold in my bag.
I hear him move about the flat. I restock some pantry items, and we speak as little as possible. Going with him to his meeting was my final task for today so I decide it’s a good time to hand in my letter.
I find him sitting in the studio, tapping a pen against the table.
“Mr. Styles?”
“Hm?” He drags his eyes away from his screen to look at me.
“So we’re heading to your meeting in 10. Before then I just wanted to hand this in.”
The envelope stays outstretched in my hand and he eyes it, not taking it.
“What is that?”
“Can you just take it?” I shake it a little, like a bag of treats for a puppy.
His muscles move one inch every ten seconds, that’s how slow he is to sit up in his seat and finally take the letter from my hands. I almost let out a big sigh of relief. The process was finally in place.
“What is it?” He asks again, tearing the corner and down the side like he usually did.
I wait for him to unfold the thirds before answering, “my resignation letter.”
His eyes scan the sheet left to right right to left and when he looks up at me it’s hard to say what he’s thinking.
“Is this a joke?”
“No? Obviously not? I’m handing in my 3 weeks. I’ll also email a copy to Jeff and you.”
“Why are you doing this?” He stands, his tall frame rigid.
“Why? Because I’m…I’m quitting? I think I’ve learned everything I could here a-and it’s time to move on.”
By here I don’t mean working for Harry Styles and co but just here as in London. I’ve learned a fuck ton of life lessons here, and it was time to process them elsewhere.
“Is this to get back at me somehow? I don’t understand,” the papers crinkle in his fist as he grips it tighter. “Do you want a raise? Can we talk about this?”
“No.” I say and even though there’s so much more I could say I think that sums up my answer.
He looks puzzled, then annoyed. Just then my phone buzzes. The car was downstairs.
I grab my laptop and we head down. I was coming along to take minutes and then head home. In the car I reassure Harry,
“I plan on wrapping things up in the next three weeks and making sure everything is set up for an easy transition. I’ll leave continuity notes and reach out to people I regularly communicate with to break the news. The next couple months are pretty easy anyway coming out of tour and going on holiday so there should be plenty of time for the new PA, whoever your hire, to catch up.”
He doesn’t say a word. It reminds me of our first drive to the studio together. How naïve I was. How things changed.
He continues staring out the window, resting his face on his fist. I remember my teeth dragging over that jaw. I blink the image away; this was why I had to go.
When we get to Graham’s office Harry tells Jeff, “we don’t need minutes.”
Jeff looks over at me for answers and I shrug. I guess I came here for no reason but at least I had my laptop to work.
“Uh y/n please come i-“
“She’s fine working out there,” Harry cuts Graham off. Graham looks offended, his gaze drawing between Harry and I. Again, I shrug. I wasn’t leaving today I don’t know why he was acting like it.
For the next hour or so I sit at a spare cubicle and do just as I said in the car. I type out lists for upcoming interviews and studio days. I send emails for information to note for whoever the poor person was to replace me.
I had been keeping the Dos and Don’ts updated over the last year and it feels like a baby the way it came together with so much thought. I was almost sad to part with it.
Nobody tells me the meeting is over. The door simply opens and Harry breezes past.
“I’ll be in the car.” He mutters. Any faster and I would have to hold down the papers around me.
When he’s gone beyond sight, I turn back to the open door.
“What’s the matter with him?” I hear Graham asking inside.
“You keep pushing him,” Jeff responds with irritation. “That’s not his brand Graham.”
“Well that’s a different tune. Prior to this you were singing my praises with these new ideas.”
“I don’t know. Something’s been up with him for…a while-“
“Since that article isn’t it?” Graham references the Harry Styles slander when we were in Spain. Little did they know other things had also happened.
“We dealt with that article.”
Shit, I think. Has he been any different? I think I was keeping too much distance from him to notice.
“Y/n,” my name snaps me out of my thoughts.
“Mhm?” I’m beckoned to the meeting room. “Yes?”
“Find out what’s wrong with him. Or better yet just convince him to be a bit more alive at his last show tomorrow with his usual charm? He hasn’t been his full capacity the last few shows has he?”
Shit. “Um. Burnout?”
The two men look at each other. They make a face like that couldn’t possibly be why. I tell the men what they want to hear, that I’d try to find out and get him back to his charming self (yuck) before joining Harry in the car.
“Jeff and Graham aren’t all that happy with you,” I say when we start driving. Harry was giving me a lift home. “They’re insisting you do it right at your final tomorrow. Be your charming self.”
He grunts in response, head facing the window again. Was he allergic to look forward in the car or something?
“Are you coming?” He asks after a good ten minutes of silence.
“Tomorrow?”
“Mhm.”
“Yeah. I gave my extra tickets to…my fiance,” my brain fumbles my words as it remembers what he was and now is. And the lie I had to keep up. “And his sister and her friend.”
He just nods in acknowledgement, somehow stonier.
When the car pulls up to my familiar building I thank his driver and begin my shimmy out but Harry puts a hand to my knee to stop me. His touch sears right through my stockings and he must feel it too because he slides his hand back.
“Answer this,” he looks at me for the first time tonight. Wow, this really did feel like my first week on the job.
“Sure,” I reply.
“Is it because of that night?”
It’s the first time it’s been mentioned, and his gaze burns brighter than a forest fire. It’s mesmerizing and I can’t look away.
Wait, he wanted an answer.
“It’s because of a lot of things,” I answer truthfully.
He clenches his jaw. Leans back in his seat. The seatbelt reverses to hold him in place again and he’s no longer looking at me. I take that as my cue to go.
***
Josie bursts into the flat dressed to the nines in a groovy floral jumpsuit and boas in her hand. “Don’t worry. I have one for each of us.”
Her friend trails behind her in an equally 70s inspired look.
“That’s what you’re wearing?” Josie judges her brother’s hoodie and jeans. “You’re lowering the vibe Gray do better. Y/n? Why didn’t you brief him?”
“I did!” I eye Gray. “Don’t blame me.”
This was way more awkward than I thought. Or I really was not as good of an actress as I wished.
“What am I supposed to wear?” Gray asks. “I’m not wearing a jumpsuit.”
Josie rolls her eyes. “Y/n please drag him back and find a decent tee or something?”
“Yes ma’am,” I take Gray by the arm and take him back.
“This is kinda weird hey?” I whisper when we close the door.
“I don’t really like it either,” Gray scratches his head. “But it’s for the best.”
I nod and then louder announce, “Well it’s Jo’s night so find something a tad more retro?”
We end up with a red tee and find a belt to tie the look. Josie hugs her brother with thanks when she sees it.
I had on a pair of black bellbottoms paired with a blank tank. My hair was in spacebuns and Josie plucks a few boa feathers to accessorize my hair. It’s cute.
We head off and I have to make a conscious effort to remember my mannerisms with Gray before all this. I feel woozy while I slide my hand into his on the ride there, as Josie snaps our pics on her disposable, as she tells us to get one of us where Gray’s kissing my cheek and she’ll save it to show our kids. It makes me sick.
He keeps an arm on my waist as we walk. I want this night to be over so bad but every time I look Josie’s way I perk back up a little. I wanted her to enjoy this.
And she does. I’m sure she’s lost her voice by the end of the concert. At one point we drift away a little and breathe easier to drop the act but when she’s back Gray wraps his arms around me from behind and we act like a happy couple. Again, I felt sick.
Being in Gray’s arms held none of the spark it used to. I just feel awkward and sad.
At one point Harry looks my way, I don’t know how he spotted me in such a big crowd. It’s between songs and he looks at the group I’m with. I give a pathetic wave and he nods ever so slightly, his gaze sliding off soon after. Gray’s arm tightens around my shoulder and my heart gives a squeeze in response. I’m reminded: this era was ending.
The band told me to meet them backstage at the end, to join in on the final-show celebration. Josie and Gray would wait at a local pub and with the way Josie’s Instagram stories were glowing I could imagine her sitting there uploading it all.
“I couldn’t have done it without any of you,” I catch Harry saying as I slip behind stage with my pass. “I know I’ve not been the easiest to be with but you all sit in my heart. This is our Euro tour, concluded.”
Somebody pops bubbly and I congratulate the whole team as they drink. They insist on going out for proper drinks and I’m denied not going. They tell me to invite my guests to party with them and I know, based on where we were going, Josie was going to flip.
Juniper, a club that gets us all in on Harry’s face card, is opulent and lively on the inside. Josie is buzzing about with her friend—Gray had opted to go home, claiming he had early morning sessions. Josie didn’t think twice about him, but we pretended to go back and forth with a final warning from Gray to Josie to behave.
“He’s a broody one,” Charlie comments on Gray as we chatter while we get drinks. “Sister?”
“Yeah. Doesn’t know yet though so,” I put my finger to my lip.
“So no Barcelona dancing tonight?” Sarah teases. I laugh and tell them to keep me tamed. “We gotta do some shots with the team though where is everyone?”
We gaze around the room and manage to get everyone together. After one round of shots and another that Harry forced on all of us I feel the tension I’ve been carrying with me most days slide away.
We end up sticking together as a group and dance together, laughing and cheering each other on. Even Harry’s in a cheery mood—I suspect the alcohol. I catch him watching me at one point and when I raise my brow he takes my hand and spins me in a friendly twirl. I trip on my wide-legged pants and he catches me from behind. With my back to his chest I have the urge to turn around and kiss him and feel the peculiar comfort I had received from him before. That thought drives me away from him again. Despite the tight knit group there’s too much between us to even attempt being close.
I call it quits when Josie finds me and announces she was going home. I hug the newfound family I had made over the last few months one final goodbye, knowing I might never see them together like this again.
***
Jeff’s reaction to my news surprises me the most. He’s visibly upset and tries to sell me anything to stay. I tell him there was nothing to keep me at my job but I would rely on him for a good reference. I think it’s the first time he’s ever reassured me.
Between Harry and I it remains curt. Sometimes even edgy. I post my own job replacement and Jeff keeps me updated on potential candidates. By the time my last week rolls around I’m host to a roil of emotions.
The first week homeless, Charlie had let me crash on her couch and promised not to say a word to anyone. I didn’t want to overstay my welcome and so I had checked into a hotel and called it home for now.
I’m on my way back home to the hotel after being at Gray’s. We’d invited Josie over for dinner now that her exams were over and she’d been suspicious from the start.
We had told her the truth and she refused to believe it, hurt and betrayal in her eyes as she looked at me and realized she had been kept in the dark for the last week. I felt worse then, than I did when Gray and I called it quits.
I promised her a lunch together this week to talk more. Just because I was out of Gray’s life didn’t mean I had to be out of hers. I thought I could also tell her then that I was leaving to go back home.
On my second last day at work, Harry sends me on an errand near the end of the day. When I get back there’s a small group of friendly and familiar faces waiting to surprise me. I’m touched by the gesture, and I try to corner Harry to say thank you but it feels he avoids me at every chance, always in a larger crowd.
I finally catch him while I’m heading out of the bathroom and he’s heading down the hall.
“Oh hey,” I step in his way. He looks cornered. “I just wanted to say thanks for throwing this.”
“Yeah,” he gestures it was nothing. “It was Jeff’s idea.”
Ouch. I hide the sting. “Well. Thanks regardless.”
He nods, staying mute, but his eyes speak a thousand words—just none that I can read. They stay trained on me, communicating whatever.
Slowly the furrow between his brows eases and the sharp edges of his face give way to a softened expression. I’m scared to move in case I break the trance and don’t get to hear whatever his racing thoughts spit out. Just when it looks like he’s about to say something, a guest turns the corner up the hall.
“Anyone in the toilet?” It was Mitch. Damnit.
“Nope,” I step out of the way, inadvertently brushing Harry. A shiver runs up my spine and I try to act casual but he stiffens beside me. Was it that awful being around me, jeez.
I give up. If he wanted to continue staying moody, so be it. I leave to go back to the party and don’t look back.
My final days in London are hard. The same way I arrived, I go: alone and unsure of what’s ahead.
I always thought here was where I would stay forever. And maybe one day I would return but there was a little too much friction between me and the Capital.
I finish work on an unremarkable note after going through processes with the new hire, and dotting all of my i’s. Harry is nowhere to be seen and I’m gone before he gets back. I’m frustrated that he’s behaving this way but there’s also too much between us for the simple goodbye I yearn for.
I visit all of my old favourites, have one last drink at my old local pub somewhere in between Gray’s flat and Harry’s. I shed a lot of tears on my pilgrimage through the city’s veins. I promise the paved and cobblestone roads I would be back one day.
The walls of my lungs ease open on the flight home. Still, tears cascade down my face silently as the plane sleeps. Eventually I do too. When I wake the sky is filled with bright blinding sunrise, and American soil peeks out below me: I was finally home.
••••••••••••••••••••
Present (2 years on):
My heart flutters seeing Harry here, I chalk it up to anxiety. But it annoys me that despite all the distance and the growth, he still had an effect on me.
Harry’s head turns and before I can be smart about it our eyes lock. His eyebrows raise ever so slightly before his face falls into a nonchalant facade again. I don’t even want to know what my face looked like.
Then he gets the nerve to smirk, hang his head, and then grab his drink and walk towards me.
“If I had a cross I would be holding it up right now.” I have to shout a little so he hears me before he gets to me. He was an emotional vampire feeding on all of mine.
“Now why’s that?” He continues towards me. My emotions swirl through me. “I thought time heals all wounds. Why the unfriendly welcome Mrs. Duran?”
I grit my teeth at the name, he was still filled with poison. “Right, the timeless wisdom of clichés.”
“I like to think I’m pretty timeless.” He smiles.
“I’ve found that time may heal wounds, but scars make sure you never forget.”
“Well, scars aside, you look good,” he moves on and I feel like an idiot the way I was used to feeling around him.
“Of course I do.”
“What are you doing in London? Last I checked I was getting a reference check from America.”
I debate not answering him but I was trying to straddle the line between indifference and confidence. It was like walking a tightrope.
“I’m in London for a little while,” I give vaguely.
“Ah,” he smiles and damnit I forgot how handsome he could be. How handsome could then turn into seductive so quickly. I had to remember: Still a devil. “Are you looking for a new employer? Because I could be hiri-“
“No.” I cut him off. “I finally have a job I love so I’m good.”
Something flickers in his eyes but surprisingly he stays quiet.
“What are you doing here? At The Violinist?” I ask. I sort of wish I still had a drink in my hand, they feel awkward and clunky and I want to avoid playing with my hair. Gah. “Global star drinks alone at his local bar?”
He laughs but I can tell I hit a minor nerve. “Here I’m just a local. Always have been—it’s nice to be anonymous for a little bit.”
I roll my eyes. I didn’t believe that for a second. He loved his fame and everything that came with it.
Plus I used to come here all the time, I would’ve known if my employer was a local too. He was lying for some reason.
“Mr. Styles if there’s one thing I remember about you, you’d choose death over anonymity.”
“Firstly,” he leans in and I get a whiff of his usual cologne with a hint of malt. “A person can change a lot. So maybe you don’t know me as much as you think you do-“
“Oh I don’t think anyone can change that drastically in only a year-“
“You seemed to have.”
His words take mine out of my mouth. I hadn’t changed, not really. I’d always been this y/n but the further I got away from him the more reassured I had gotten being that y/n.
“And secondly,” he continues before I could think of a response. “You no longer work for me. Harry is fine.”
The smile he throws me is almost sweet if I didn’t know the cruelty that could hide underneath. I don’t return the smile, I only raise my brow and look back down at my phone. My cell service hasn’t gotten any better and I’d missed the wifi password.
I could connect to Harry’s wifi, ask him so that I could order an uber.
I’d rather van gogh my ear.
I weigh all my options and consider the last one again. I look up to see what Harry was doing in the silence and find him looking at me. A shiver runs up my spine as our eyes clash. So much history and words unspoken fall in between. A very specific night flashes through my mind. I wonder if it does him because he looks down first. Damn.
“So I’ve gotta get going,” I say.
“Let me buy you a drink.” He says at the same time.
He laughs awkwardly and repeats, “One drink?”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“Why not?”
“We’re not drinking buddies.” I pull my purse to my chest, wanting to hop off this stool and run home if I need to. Put as much distance between myself and this man that was put on this earth to confuse me.
“Then what are we y/n?” He asks, his voice silky smooth as he leans in. The voice that whispered sweet nothings into my ear in my worst nightmares, nightmares of cotton sheets and heated limbs, of passion and shame.
“Ex-employer,” I point to him. I point to myself, “Ex-employee.”
“Exes have drinks together,” he grins full well knowing the double meaning.
“Never ends well,” I eye the door.
“Just as stubborn as I remember.”
“And you were saying people change?” I raise my brow.
He drops the smile and sighs, “I’m not gonna be able to convince ya am I?”
I shake my head. He should know that by now.
“Can I walk you out at least?”
I shrug, couldn’t hurt.
“What is this?” I ask as he opens the door for me.
“What?”
“This? Why are you trying to be so friendly?”
“I thought we could be friendly exes.”
And when did he get so cheeky.
“Something weird is going on,” I watch him stay in step with me as I walk up. With no service I was going to take the tube. “And I don’t like it.”
“Nothing weird is going on don’t get all paranoid on me.”
“Don’t call me paranoid! You never call a woman paranoid.”
“I thought that was conspiracy theorists?”
“Nooo. You’re being weird.”
"Alright, no need to get all Freudian on me. Just trying to be a decent human here."
I shake my head, somehow in our exchange my face had decided it was okay to smile. To forget what he put me through and remember instead that when things were good between us we actually got along.
Damnit. The devil knew how to play tricks. I wipe the smile off my face while he continues walking with me.
“So…what have you been up to?” He asks.
“Working, you know me.” I say after trying to figure out what his angle was but unable to find one.
“Oretta Smith I hear, how did you manage that?”
“I’m just that good Harry,” I say. His name is weird in my mouth. Sure I called him that in my head but I usually used Mr. Styles. I can tell he feels the same with his quick glance my way.
“How do you like that?”
“Yeah, she’s a great employer like I said. Very professional. Lots of flexibility.” Each praise is a knock to his ego. But it was all true, plus with Winnie joining the team I had a friend my age that felt great.
But there was also a darker side called burnout that I barely admitted to myself. Ever since we landed in London and I had time to orient my new self in a city that molded my old self, I felt the familiar singe of purposeless. But I keep it to myself of course.
“Great.” Harry responds curtly. “What about yourself? How’s your life, are you finally married?”
My instinct is to raise my defences and chew him out, he must know Gray and I were done what with me living in the States.
And yet, when I peer past the defences and take a long hard look at him I realize he is asking earnestly and without another angle.
We’re nearing the tube now. I hesitate in lying or telling the truth.
“We broke up,” I choose to confess. I peek at him and he looks surprised, even sorry.
“I didn’t know. Sorry.”
“I’d hope not,” I reply. “Otherwise you’d be an asshole calling me Mrs. Duran.”
He huffs an awkward laugh.
“Anyway this is me—
“I can give you a ride home—wherever that is right now?” He asks.
We’re stood in front of the glass doors. There’s not a lot of people this time of night. And as tempting as his offer was, the way he looks at me right now sends poisonous butterflies to my stomach and I think it’s best I get home for the big day tomorrow and not make any regrets.
“I’m not too far,” I lie. I point a thumb to the doors behind me. “I’m just gonna…”
“Yeah. Yeah right.” He’s awkward, which is a first. He clears his throat and stuffs his hand into his pocket. I watch him with a removed sort of curiosity. Eventually he coughs out his question. “How long are you in London for?”
“A few weeks,” I reply.
He finally meets my eyes again—and there goes my stomach. He was supposed to have zero effect on me, I was supposed to stay mad at him. Why was my body betraying me? Why did it continue to loop memories from that night and remind me of the things he whispered in the dark?
“A few weeks,” he murmurs back.
His gaze travels over my face openly, no longer holding back the barely-hidden expressions from before. Because I told him Gray and I weren’t a thing? Because I was entertaining whatever bullshit this was?
“Yep,” I nod. Awkward. Nervous. Cautious.
“My number’s the same,” his eyes snap back to mine. “If you want to go for that drink later.”
“Harry,” I try to break it to him another way. I wish I could just say I never want that drink. “I don’t think-“
“Don’t think,” he cuts me off. He laughs when I furrow my brows. “I mean, I’m right here for most of the next few weeks. When you feel like you want to have that drink just give me a call. Or text.”
Why, I want to ask him. Why, after all this time, after everything that happened? And it’s like he reads my mind in the silence.
“I know you left on a pretty poor note.” He shuffles his feet. “I know a lot of that was my fault. I apologize for that. Um, but I did enjoy having you around. You were excellent at your job and…you are missed. Even Jeff remembers you fondly. Which is saying something.”
This was some sort of prank. Or Harry had gotten so famous he now had a doppelgänger roaming the streets as him. It couldn’t be that Harry, my Harry, would say something so sentimental and so…genuine.
“So uh yeah, I would love to see you again while you’re in town.” He says when I don’t respond.
“Right.” I choke out.
He shrugs when I can’t bring myself to say anything more. “We do change, whether you believe it or not y/n.”
I swallow, hoping to lubricate my vocal cords and find my voice. “I-I really do have to go.”
Crestfallen, he nods. His hand comes up to touch my elbow. “Yeah ‘course. Just…think about it?”
I look down at his hand and he lets go, we stay in another bubble of silence. His eyes flicker down to my lips and I feel a wave of warmth as I try not to do the same.
“Goodnight,” I blurt and get to the other side of the glass doors. He watches me go.
On the escalator down I risk a glance back and he’s still there, watching until I’m out of sight. That ended incredibly awkward.
Leave it up to Harry to confuse me in coming back into my life. Damn him, he could never be consistent.
***
Waking up super early to catch the train out to Cambridge is so worth it because I get to watch Josie walk the stage and graduate with distinction wearing her famous smile that beams over the vast room.
Despite what happened with Gray and I, Josie and I have kept in touch steadily over the last year. It started as weekly facetimes which reduced down to monthly calls and have now become a steady stream of texts and memes swapped back and forth.
When she found out I’d be in London around her graduation dates she gave me no choice but to show up, sending me a ticket without asking.
I knew I’d see Gray, and a part of me was nervous and curious how that was going to go. But mostly I was grateful to still be in Josie’s life and spend time with her in person. She was the part of this life I missed most.
I’m sat somewhere in the middle of the room and Josie was smart enough not to seat me with the rest of her guests. But I know I would see everyone during photos and the dinner we were having later on. I try keep my focus on the ceremony however.
“Y/N!” Josie rushes towards me when she sees me after the ceremony. The group she departs from I recognize is a mix of her girl friends, her family, and a few others.
“Josie!” I return the same energy and she leaps into my arms. I squeeze her tight to me. “I’m soo proud of you my girl.”
We sway side to side, until we get enough hug.
“Look at you!” She exclaims when she leans back. “Your hair looks amazing and you are glowing. Please tell me you have a boy in your life.”
“No,” I laugh.
“A girl?” She asks hesitantly.
“No! I’m just…happy where I am right now! How about you look at you! You look phenomenal as per.”
“Oh thanks,” she takes the compliment and giggles. “I asked my dad to grad gift me a salon and spa visit so I am rejuvenated and blown out.”
“Aren’t you ever,” I touch a lock of her hair. “Congratulations.”
“Eek!” She squeals. “Finally finished this hellscape! I can’t wait to never write an exam again—ooh wait I want you to meet my boy…”
“So that’s why we’re actually glowing,” I tease as she tugs me towards the group. That definitely has Gray. My stomach drops the closer we get, he doesn’t seem to notice. He looks busy talking to one of Josie’s friends.
“Anyway,” she deposits me in front of a 6 foot something guy made of angles. “This is Jax. My boyfriend. We met during a Friendsgiving Myles threw last year.”
“Nice to meet you,” Jax smiles. “Y/N right?”
“Yes!”
“I was supposed to get around to that,” Josie huffs.
“Sorry she talked about you a lot when she found out you were coming. She was really excited.”
“Ugh,” she turns to me like she was embarrassed but her face is glowing. Josie was in looove.
“You two are so cute,” I tease which just makes Josie blush a little harder. “So are we getting any pictures?”
“Oh yeah,” Jax swivels his head. “Liliya has the good camera if you want to get-“
“Oh we can use our phones,” Josie cuts him off.
“No get the high res one—Liliya, camera?” Jax motions a shuttering action to the friend Gray was talking to. He’s so tall above the crowd that both look up at him and comply.
“Y/N,” Josie drags my arms back and takes me on the outskirt of the crowd. “I’m so sorry I never mentioned because I thought you wouldn’t come if I did tell you but you-“
“Y/N?”
Josie’s rushed whispers are cut short when Gray notices me and calls my name. He looks stupefied. I spare a glance to Josie and she’s paled.
She didn’t tell him.
“Hey,” I force a friendly tone. I was going to kill that girl.
“Did you all want a photo?” Josie’s friend Liliya shoulders her way back into the circle with the camera on a strap. She turns to Gray, “Babe?”
It’s an odd sensation, like all oxygen has left my lungs and they’re being squeezed as if tightened in a vice. Gray’s eyes drag away from me to his…girlfriend? Definitely not Josie’s friend.
It shakes me in the moment how much I realize I still cared, still carried a shred of hope for…something. And not consciously knowing this makes this moment feel a little like a slap in the face.
What did I think? I was going to leave this country for a year and people were going to pause where I last left them? Of course Gray’s moved on. Aside from the end he was a great partner and anybody would want that.
These thoughts race through my head in the few seconds Gray responds to his girlfriend and I look at Josie. She looks guilty as charged.
“I tried to tell you just now?” She whispers.
Deep breaths, I remind myself. You’re not the hot-headed y/n these people knew last. This day is not about you. It’s about Josie.
“It’s cool. Let’s get some photos,” I smile. “Don’t want to miss having them with you.”
She sighs but keeps her eyes on my face as we walk farther out.
“I am really sorry,” she whispers.
“Hey it’s alright,” I lie. This was the worst of it—Gray had moved on, had a great girlfriend, and I was living the life I wanted. No harm and no foul. “Honestly Jo I get it, you wanted me here reallllly bad.”
“I did!” She says. “But I’m also gonna kill Jax.”
I laugh and we straighten up when we realize the camera was already pointed at us. Josie flashes her degree and a few of her friends join the pictures too. We hustle back to Gray to see them and flipping back on the first few makes my breath catch in my throat. There’s one in particular where Josie is turned to me talking and my mouth is in a big grin because I’m laughing.
I catch eyes with Gray in an uncomfortably intimate second.
“Send me that one for sure wow Gray that’s a really good shot.”
“Oh wow,” his girlfriend peers over. “That’s a great candid.”
“Yeah,” I agree. I’d love a copy too. And of course that’s when Gray’s girlfriend notices me and introduces herself.
“I don’t think we’ve met—is that an American accent I detect?”
“It is,” I smile. “I’m Y/N.”
“Oh!” Two spots of pink appear on her face. It seems she’s heard of me. “Well it’s nice to meet you—nice that Josie invited you! I’m Liliya but Lily works too.”
“C’mon!” Josie interrupts the awkward by grabbing her brother’s arm and pushes him in the direction of where her friends are posing for photos. He takes some shots but Josie hates the look of them and gives the camera to Lily instead.
With just Gray and I left behind it grows very awkward.
“I thought Josie told everyone I would be-“ I say just as he says, “I didn’t realize you would be-“
We stop and chuckle awkwardly.
“Sorry,” I shake my head.
“No,” he shrugs. “It’s cool. It’s cool you’re here actually.”
“Okay,” is all I can say. Until the awkward silence stretches. “So…Liliya?”
“Yeah. Yeah, Liliya. You?”
I want to lie, but I shake my head. “No. Sorta needed the year to breathe a little.”
“Fair. How’s America?”
“Oh y’know, still super-sized and politically a guessing game.”
“Have you turned on our news while you’ve been down at all?” He raises a brow. I laugh because he was right. It was all a shitshow everywhere.
He asks me about my family as Josie jogs up to us.
“Okay, tell me the truth is my hair going flat?”
“No,” I look behind her where her friends are hovering over Lily and the camera going over their photos.
“Good. Where’s mum and dad?” Josie asks Gray. “Dad was just here 10 minutes ago he said he’d come by for—oh there’s mum! Look!”
We turn to where she points. Michelle—what I’ve always called Gray’s mom, spots her daughter at the same time and waves. She starts to walk towards us.
It’s nice to see her but I also feel a bit nervous; going cold turkey on relationships you only had because of an ex are always weird to come back to. Especially ones you were fond of.
“Mum! You’re missing all the pictures!” Josie says. “Where’ve you been!?”
“I just saw somebody I knew back from my first job as a librarian can you believe that?” Michelle says as she joins the group.
“Crazy. Well mum look who got to show up today! Isn’t that crazy too?”
Michelle looks at me and the bright smile that was intended for her daughter dies like a flower in overnight frost. The look wipes the anticipation off my face.
“Who?”
That one word shades the sun from the sky and brings forth a gust of western winds through the group.
“Mum,” Josie look between me, her mum, and Gray. She’s confused. “Y/N?”
“Hey Michelle,” I croak. Maybe my hair was too different for her to recognize me, or maybe she had early onset alzheimers. Surely this woman who I’ve had a better relationship with than her own son has wouldn’t be treating me like your worst frenemy at your high school reunion.
But Michelle looks right through me. I can’t explain how it feels, not in the moment. I’m gutted, and feel an unexplainable wave of sadness.
“Mum…” Josie sounds hurt and Gray finally decides to swoop in.
“Mum let’s check out the photos we took already. We gotta get some of the three of us.”
They walk away and I feel seven inches tall but I turn to Josie with a brave face and face her teary one.
“That was kind of awkward,” I downplay.
“Y/N I’m honestly so sorry I-,” Josie blinks rapidly.
“No it’s ok!”
“I don’t know why she acted like that-“
“Hey It’s natural for her to feel that way I’m alright don’t get upset-“
“It’s not alright though! That was such a…she never acts like that.”
It was true. Michelle was a free-spirit as she called herself. That’s why Gray had such a hard relationship with her; in his words, she was too emotional and ungrounded for him.
Yet apparently, she was able to find enough ground to stand on when it came to treating me like a nobody. I wonder if it’s because she heard Gray’s biased side of the story or she was hurt herself—still, the way she’s always talked about herself never struck me as someone who would believe a one-sided story. Or be a bitch to someone they previously called their daughter. It hurt like a mofo.
I didn’t want Josie to find out this way, here of all places, that her mom was just human after all. She idolized that woman.
So even though it hurt, I comfort her instead.
“She probably just feels betrayed by me leaving and stuff since we were close too. Imagine if Jax broke up with you and she gave him the cold shoulder—wouldn’t you feel justified?”
Josie scrunches her brows to think about the simplified story I’ve just fed her to feel better. I can tell it still doesn’t sit well with her but she nods in acceptance, “I guess.”
“Yeah, just forget it Josie. Plus you’ve got pictures to take so dry those eyes.”
“Shit I know,” she blinks some more. “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to invite you here and twist the knife at every bloody turn.”
“Jo I’m honoured to get to be here and see all your hard work pay off. Don’t worry about anything else.”
“It’s unfair,” she says before she drifts to her group of friends. “I feel like nobody understands how…how understanding you are. But I’m really glad we’re still in touch. And you came for me.”
Her words bring tears to my eyes and I nod, afraid that talking would bring them forward. I watch her crash her group and start instructing photo coordination. I help hold things for people while they take photos and feel like a stranger outside the crowd. If it weren’t for Josie, I think I would have regretted coming here. I feel homesick and unwanted. A tough combo.
I was supposed to crash on someone’s couch tonight and do brunch with Josie tomorrow before going back to London but from the last half hour alone I know I’m going back to the city no matter how late it gets tonight. I think of the hotel room that was home right now, of how lonely that was going to feel to go back to too.
Home right now was in America, in the same time zone as my family, and comfortable in my shared apartment with one of my high school best friends who I reconnected with after going back home. I miss it so bad. And I feel like I’ve bitten into an unripe fruit coming back to the UK before I was ready apparently. My experience feels soured.
I shake off the doom and gloom when the party breaks. We were all going to meet at the restaurant at 6–my plan was to explore the university city and find a place to kill some time in. Maybe go outside to a park with lunch. Josie tries to convince me to join her and her friends for their mid-day celebration but I lie and tell her I had some work to do.
I call Winnie on my stroll through the city. I insist she update me on last night first, and she has more to tell—the guy had a yacht and he was inviting her to a party tonight. She tells me to join if I came back early and we cross our fingers that Oretta wouldn’t need her before then.
I originally called her to rant about Michelle and Gray but I don’t, I didn’t want to kill her vibe. So I scroll through my other contacts but don’t want to worry my mom and it was too early back home to reach anyone else.
My eyes catch on Harry’s name, he was at the top of my texts currently because he sent me a link this afternoon asking me for thoughts on it. I hadn’t opened it yet, I wasn’t sure what to think about this new persona he was wearing or that he thought yesterday’s run-in went okay enough to casually message me for my thoughts.
I remember the weird electricity of yesterday and shove my phone back into my pocket.
He genuinely wanted to have a drink? And talk??
I did enjoy having you around. You were excellent at your job and you are missed.
Was he trying to make up for his cruel words? But he also seemed a lot more mellow than before. Maybe that was just because I didn’t work for him. What did he want? And was I twisted for believing the new schtick?
Most curious of all was him at the pub in the first place. He was not a local there—that was a big lie.
I try to conjure up my previous hatred, calling him the Devil in my head. But it’s harder to do. Seeing him yesterday, he was just a man standing in front of a woman with a head full of cautionary tales and bad experiences.
Without warning images from that night come back and I feel my heart flutter. I shut them down just as quick. Not all bad, my body tries to remind me. I tell it to shut up.
I’ve barely stepped foot in this country again and already my mind was running circles around my heart. How exhausting.
***
I’m early to the restaurant, before anyone else apparently. As the hostess finds my name on her floor plan Josie comes in behind me with Jax.
“Oh! Y/n you’re early!” She seems flustered.
“Yeah I didn’t think I would be,” it was only a few minutes to 6.
We make small talk while we’re led to the table, Josie’s eyes keep darting to where our table might be.
“Sorry I was hoping to do this before you came,” she says when we get there. There are name cards along the 7 seats and she picks the one in front of me. “I’m just gonna move mum to my other side so it doesn’t get weird. Which means she’ll be closer to dad but…I think he’s bailing since his girlfriend doesn’t want to do this.”
Josie shrugs, I know how she feels about her dad’s girlfriend. She begins explaining the plans she has to do dinner with her dad later this week and the more she talks the more I can tell that she feels awkward. And I hate that it’s because of me. At one point Jax and I catch eyes and pass an awkward smile.
“Josefina Duran,” I walk up to her fiddling with the name tags. She stops talking immediately. I grip her shoulders. “Thanks.”
“Sorry,” she whispers. I wrap my arms around her and she melts into me.
“Stop apologizing.”
“Sorry. I can’t help it. It’s a disease.”
We let go with a laugh and she seems more stable. “This is going to be fine.”
Famous last words.
It’s definitely not fine and very awkward. Jax ends up sitting in front of me, and even though Liliya’s name tag was beside mine it’s suddenly swapped as they slide in and Gray sits beside me. I guess it might be too awkward for her but not awkward enough to fit someone we both dated between us.
I can sense Michelle’s pinched face as she notices us sitting beside each other and I feel badly for Josie the most as she tries to play the gracious host. At one point I sense Jax laying a hand on her arm and taking over, asking Michelle questions about her yoga and getting her talking.
“Did you need more?” Gray turns to me with the wine bottle, it’s the second thing he’s said to me tonight. Otherwise he mostly just watches me talk and leans back enough when others are talking so I can be involved.
“I’m okay,” I whisper. I didn’t want to draw any attention while Michelle was talking. She hadn’t said a peep to me, even when Josie tried to involve us both in a shared memory. She continued acting like I was Casper the ghost.
I can feel Lily’s eyes on us as Gray offers wine, of course they would be. No wonder Gray barely spoke to me all night. Fuck me, what was I doing here.
Jax is a sweetheart, asking me about my job and encouraging conversation between the both of us. I’m so happy for Josie that she found a partner like him.
By the time dinner is over I mostly want to cry. I feel spent. But I also feel like I crashed an intimate dinner and everyone’s polite enough not to mention it. Despite Josie, I do actually regret coming.
As we pay the bill and shuffle out, Josie grabs my arm.
“So I have two friends where you can crash at their place or Jax can sleep over at mine and you can sleep at his or-“
“I think I’m gonna head back to the city.”
Her face falls. But it’s like she knew I was going to say that.
“Sorry Jo. I think you should come to the city next week—maybe visit your brother? And while you’re down we’ll do brunch then. I’m mostly free while I’m here. I’m just pretty tired and have to help Winnie with something tomorrow.”
“Really?” She says in the smallest voice I’ve heard out of her. Salt to my wounds.
“Yeah, I’m sorry. I know we were looking forward to getting time together.”
She juts out her lip and I’m reminded of the girl I met when I first started dating Gray. How she’d taken to me so quickly. How the whole family had. How things could end up like this.
And suddenly I see the future laid out in front of me. After tonight it would be hard to keep this relationship going—Josie and I. She’s just seen her mom be an unreasonable bitch for the first time, I can tell she’s been trying to compensate all night but the cracks won’t go away. It’ll always be a sitting duck between us.
We might try to stay in touch, maybe I’d reach out if I was ever in London or if she ever visited the west coast. But this would fizzle out.
She was still young and naive enough that her mom hung the moon and stars; mom’s beliefs were gospel, her opinions were rulings, and she’d just delivered my ultimate sentence: I was a black sheep to the family. How could sweet Josie walk through a mess like that?
“I’m so proud of you,” I tell her as I fight tears. “Congratulations again and thank you for inviting me.”
“Thanks. And you don’t have to be so nice. I know it was kind of a shitty invite.”
“No,” I insist. “I loved being here. I don’t regret showing up for you. I can’t wait to hear what you get up to.”
“I’m going to make sure to make it to the city next week,” she squeezes my arm. “We’ll see each other soon.”
“Exactly,” I look over at the rest of the group, where her boyfriend waits for her. Her family. “And I really like Jax, so good on you for that.”
“He…” she twists her lips, swallowing what she was going to say before vomiting it out. “I always aspired to have a relationship like yours and Gray’s. I never wanted to settle for anything less so that’s…that’s why Jax.”
“Hm I think you made us the bar and you leapt over it babe,” I wrap my arms around her again. I ache with the loss of what we used to be.
“See you soon,” she says before she drags herself back to the group.
I stand off to the side, awkwardly ordering an Uber. The group begins to walk the opposite way waving bye to me. I breathe easier without the weight of them around.
As I tap my foot in anticipation of the ride to the station arriving, I feel a hand tap my shoulder.
“Y/n,” it’s Gray. “Hey I…I just wanted to say something before you left.”
“Oh. Hey yeah. Shoot.”
What was it with everyone wanting to say something to me.
“Uh…ok give me a minute,” he laughs in the way I know to mean he was feeling nervous. “I just sort of jogged back impulsively.”
“Yeah well you have,” I glance at my phone. “4 or so minutes.”
“Damn,” he ruffles his hair. “Alright. I think I just wanna say sorry.”
“Oh.” That was it. Everyone had something to say to me and the something was apparently sorry.
“Yeah I’m sorry. I…when we broke up I was so upset and caught up in my own head. I blamed you for everything. I think it only hit me when you just up and moved out of the country how things actually went down.”
I hadn’t told anyone but Josie that I was leaving.
“Yeah you were just like gone.” He continues. “I guess a part of me thought we’d get some space, maybe circle back later…”
“You really betrayed me,” I remind him.
But even I know what he means. He hurt me bad and it might be crazy stupid but on some level we were both aware we were in an ugly place and maybe with some space we might come back to the place that was good for us again. Maybe bump into each other one day, strike up a conversation, find there might still be a small amount of love left. Enough to water and grow again.
“I know,” he sighs. “I know. I hate that I hurt you like that. I regret…I actually don’t really hang out with that group of friends as much anymore. I sorta have myself to blame but I didn’t like who I was with them.”
I listen, letting him speak. It hurt too, knowing this was the Grayson I had fallen in love with. Kind and supportive, and now apparently he’s learned to communicate. Maybe that was a Lily thing.
“I guess,” he blows the air out of his cheeks. “I want to say I’m really truly sorry. I missed you a lot after you left. Nothing was the same and life was fucking hard. I wish things didn’t end the way they did and I stayed mature but I was just jealous and angry.”
I nod to acknowledge what he’s saying and watch him take a breath to continue.
“And I always appreciated how you never let us shake your relationship with my sister because she bloody loves you—I don’t think how mum treated you was right today but I never really understood her in the first place. I’m sorry about that.”
“Yeah,” is all I can manage without making it obvious how emotional this was all making me. How one year could make me feel like a completely different person. How this man I loved, and still love in some way, could stand in front of me talking about us as something in the past. Because we were. Long past.
My phone dings with a notification that my ride would be here. We glance down and out into the street.
“Anyway,” he swallows. “I just wanna apologize. And say I genuinely hope you find love y/n. Love that’s as fierce and loyal as you are. I hope you can forgive me one day. And I hope you’re successful as hell in whatever you pour yourself into.”
“Thank you Gray,” I want to say I was sorry too. For what it was worth. But my car pulls to the curb.
I wave at the driver to let them know I’d ordered it and we walk the few feet to the back door.
I face Gray and open my mouth to say it. Say something more: how I appreciated his words, how I was sorry for how things ended too, how I hope he is happy. But nothing comes out of my mouth. I just stare at him, my eyes welling with tears instead.
Gray holds out his hand and I look down at it. I knew those hands well and it’s like walking into a place you used to frequent in the past and have memories rush towards you as you remember: those hands held me and wrapped around my own and comforted me, they made me food and stroked my hair, and carried my bags when they got too heavy. They once wore an engagement band I gifted, they once held a small box with a life-changing question I had said yes to.
Now it was just a hand.
I clasp it and he squeezes.
“I know,” he says, his eyes trained on my watery ones. He squeezes again and lets go.
I rush into the car, those two words nearly cracking me in half. I wave goodbye through the tinted window and feel a wave of despair that pulls me down into the depths of darkness.
Too much was happening at once.
My emotions spiral out of me and I feel alone in this foreign country; I needed comfort where none could be found.
I don’t mean to. Or maybe I do. But on the train back to London I text Harry: is it too early to cash in on the drink?
His response is immediate: no, I was waiting for this text last night
I smile, despite myself.
Can I come over? I text with shaking hands.
H: For drinks?
Y: For drinks
H: Ofc.
***
The taxi drops me in front of the familiar building. I feel an echo of anxiety pierce through me as I go through the familiar doors. I nod at the concierge, the night replacement was new and I’m grateful nobody can recognize me making this potentially stupid decision.
For a brief second I wonder if Harry had other plans tonight but decide not to overthink it. He’d invited me openly. And maybe I was making a decision based on sadness and loneliness and grief and needing to be wanted but I make it. And I would make it like a grown woman—ready to accept the consequences.
I didn’t want to go back to my lonely hotel room. I didn’t want to call anyone and talk about what just happened. I didn’t have words. My body was taking the beating, feeling everything under the sun and now bruised and battered for it. I just wanted my body to forget that. And there was only one person in this godforsaken city that could help.
I’m let up to the penthouse and I forgot it had a distinct smell, wood-like and something indescribable. Weird that it felt comforting.
“You made it,” Harry comes into view in a simple pair of shorts and a long-sleeved white tee pushed up to his elbows. It’s the sleeves that really do it.
“I did.”
I leave my bags beside the elevator next to the umbrella stand, keeping my eyes on him. He doesn’t take his off mine either. I’m glad he doesn’t. Now I know he knows we both said drinks but meant something more.
He reaches out for me before I even get to him, and I know I would think about that later. A lot. But right then in the middle of his entryway I wrap my arms around his neck and lean up on my toes to reach him too.
His lips are soft against mine and he tucks me into him, his hand splayed out on my lower back. It feels like a return to a lover, someone who knows you, like I would’ve thought seeing Gray again would feel. But it’s just Harry, and the thought of baseless familiarity freaks me out a little.
The next time I feel his lips they’re on my jaw and neck and down to the base of my throat. He murmurs my name as he makes his way down and my body reacts immediately. He takes me by the waist and backs me up against the nearest wall, and I have a feeling I might fall.
I had made the conscious decision to walk into the devil’s lair because it was the only place I could get what I needed.
My fingers dig into his shoulders. My body wants this. Every part of me wants to pull him close and hold him and never let go. I wanted all of it tonight.
But I am so tired.
I put a hand on his chest and press gently. I can feel the warmth of his skin, the firmness of his muscles and the beat of his heart as he pauses.
“Sorry, I should have started with a hello. That was too fast was it?” He whispers, looking me straight in the eyes.
I have a million answers, but nothing comes. He puts his hand over mine and I feel it as a shiver runs up my spine.
"Is this too fast?" he asks again, and I hear the worry in his voice.
I shake my head.
He gives a breathy laugh, "Then tell me."
"I think I-“
“Don’t,” he covers my mouth with a laugh. “Please please. Don’t think.”
I smile under his palm and he drops his hand, I can tell he’s proud of lightening the moment by the sheen in his eyes. The moment is tender in a way that takes me back.
He brushes back my hair and kisses my forehead. I close my eyes, breathing in his cologne.
“That’s not where I want to be kissed,” I tell him.
“Then where?” He plays along.
“Anywhere but there.”
He kisses my nose. “There?”
“Not there,” I open my eyes to look up at him. “I’ll have you know that was very snotty just an hour ago.”
He groans, “you really have a way of taking the desire out of a situation.”
But his brows furrow and he watches me even closer.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” I respond to his unasked question.
With that statement he takes a painful step back and I nearly slide down the wall without his support.
“What?” I ask.
“We should take that drink first.”
I feel the loss of his body pressed against mine, I realize miserably.
“What do you mean? I thought the drinks were just an excuse?” I ask.
He laughs a little, “Maybe tonight, but I really did want to have a drink with you. And talk.”
“Harry,” I groan. “I’m all out of talking tonight. Truly.”
“As much as I want to say forget talking and take you to bed I need to do this…just follow me,” he leads me and my flushed body through to the main living area which I was well familiar with but it’d gotten a facelift. I make commentary on the changes and he tells me more about it as he pulls a wine he wants out for us.
“I changed things around a little after you left,” he says as he hands me the wine glass. “I needed it. The change.”
“Oh.” Is all I can muster. I follow him to the sofa, tonight he doesn’t leave as much space between us but it still feels like a weird parallel to the night I landed in the hospital; a confrontation with Gray leading me to wine with Harry. “Look Harry I don’t know if I can do this.”
“Why not?”
“I…I’m at minimal capacity right now I just-“
“Just let me talk then.”
“Why does everyone want to talk!”
“I need to tell you what I should have said a long time ago and I want to apologize-“
“You already did-“
“Properly.”
I cross my arms and sigh.
“Y/n bloody hell I forgot how quickly you can get under my skin.”
“So this isn’t a great thing then.”
“Y/N,” he says my name like a warning and I want to comply. I roll my eyes and knock back my glass of wine, the buzz from the glass at dinner has long since worn away.
“Part of me wants to top you up but another part remembers what happened last time.” Harry eyes me.
“No I’m okay with just one glass. Drinking when I’m upset doesn’t end well.”
“Yeah…I don’t want you concussed on my watch again.”
“No we don’t want that,” we smile at each other, a soft and sentimental smile that gets the anxious stuttering of my heart to calm down a little. He just wanted to talk, so what?
But the anxious voice runs through the scenarios he might want to—his recent text, or something I did as his PA he wants to take up now. Gah.
“I really have missed having you around,” he says softly.
“Didn’t feel like you would with how you treated me.” I raise my brow.
“I know.” He pauses then mumbles something before talking to me directly. “You must have heard about the PA before you? Maybe from Riley?”
“Kind of.”
“Kind of?”
“Hmmm this feels like a trick question.” I say but he tells me he just wants to know what I knew. So I rip the bandaid off. “You had a fling with her.”
He hangs his head back over the seat of the sofa and sighs. “I knew that piece of…Riley makes me really mad when I think about him sometimes.”
“Does he?” I raise my brow. “I can think of someone else who makes me madder.”
“I know that’s supposed to be me. And I don’t know what to do about that except come clean right now.”
“And why is that?” I ask. “Coming clean? I came here just to get distracted in bed with you. I never thought I’d live to see the day where a guy like you wants to talk instead.”
“Y/N,” he says with such an intense look my way my stomach flips. “Trust me. I want to have you in my bed more than you do. But I told myself if that day ever somehow happened it would be after this.”
I shrug, let him continue. In reality his words make me weak and I can’t speak. Which kind of annoys me—why did he have such a strong pull over me? How did he so easily admit he’s thought about me, about having me in his bed!?
My heart flutters amongst other things.
I remember a brief conversation I had with my mom last year when she asked me why I wasn’t putting myself out there and dating again and I told her I just didn’t have the heart for it. She had said it seems I left my heart in London—my passion and my heart. Sitting here with Harry stirs something inside of me, scares me, and I want to distract that with more wine. But I manage to control myself.
“I was fairly new to the industry when I hired Riley and it was his second proper job or something so we were both a bit young and we ended up being friendlier than we should have.” Harry starts. “But he was great at his job and never gave me any issues. I stayed naïve that people in this industry would look out for my best interest-“
“That’s really naïve,” I can’t help but comment but he throws me a look and I zip my lips. “Sorry.”
“I was lucky that the first few relationships I built as I got my foot in the door were genuine but I realized too late that it wasn’t a norm. Everyone wanted a piece of me and they all wanted me to be someone else. Some angle. Shit hit the fan pretty quickly. So when I needed more help I decided to create a new role for Riley and hire a PA. She was seasoned and came highly recommended.”
I nod along to his story.
“Long story short, she started out good but she kept trying to get me alone and get me talking. And back then after being friends with my old PA I didn’t have the wisdom of setting boundaries—don’t give me that look.”
“What!” I raise my hands. “I’m just listening.”
“You’re judging me.”
“Just continue,” I encourage. I was judging a little.
“Anyway, where I thought we were just friendly she thought I—I dunno I was falling for her or something. And one night she was working late so she had dinner here. She kept refilling my drink I didn’t realize she wasn’t drinking as much. It’s not much of an excuse but by the time she came onto me I was pissed and it didn’t take much.”
He continues the story like it was nothing but his voice catches a little and he doesn’t look me in the eye. My insides grow colder. I want to reach inside of him and hold the old Harry, the naive one who didn’t know better.
“Please don’t feel bad for me,” he cuts my sympathy short. “I didn’t turn into a great person after that. Especially with how I treated you.”
“That’s right.” I pretend to be unaffected by his story like he wanted me to be. But it’s near impossible.
“So that’s how I decided it was best for me to play the asshole. I couldn’t fire her after that—it would look awful and she could report me and screw me over. But I could make working for me a nightmare and so I did. A few months later she quit.”
He sighs and takes a swig of his wine, “Then you came along and I thought ‘I should play the asshole from the get go.’ I had gotten good by then at compartmentalizing my personality in the industry.”
“Hmph,” I raise a brow. He has the decency to look embarrassed but he continues.
“But the more time we spent together the worse I felt. You were nothing like the previous PA. You were genuine and down-to-earth. Pretty fiery but I wouldn’t find that out until later,” he grins. I roll my eyes. “I tried to ease up a little but things kept happening to push me back into the asshole box.”
“But you were so snappy, and a dick.”
“I know. I didn’t know how to tell you you worked too hard without dropping the asshole act and making you feel even shittier.”
“What do you mean?”
“I had to be the villain in your story-“
“What?” What was he talking about?
“Yeah like, you were working all the time even though there were some times I told you to wrap it up for the day.”
I remembered that, thinking he was kicking me out.
“But you took the job so seriously. I appreciated everything you did but you were dogged at making sure you did the best at any cost.”
“What do you mean? At any cost?” I ask, a cold sensation running down my back.
“For example take that one time a few months in when I asked you to call me because you forgot to order wine. You bloody came all the way back to hand deliver it-“
“Yeah because you said to call you and you were gonna be pissed if I-“
“No, y/n,” he lays a hand between us. “I just wanted you to call to know where you usually ordered from so I could order that for myself. You weren’t in any trouble! But I could only blame myself for playing the hard asshole too well.”
I think about that night, Josie’s birthday party. How I left early and upset Gray. How I didn’t need to but I had been following the Dos and Dont’s list.
Shit, the lists. They were added onto by the last PA who, now I know, was having her life made into hell just so she would quit. Some of those lists were on an extreme I didn’t even have to follow. Fuck. That was on me.
My face must be a painting of regret because Harry apologizes again.
“I’m sorry but I didn’t want you to…I just felt like I had to play the villain so you could do what you had to do. So you could continue hating me and we could establish the clear boundary.”
“Right.” I have a bitter taste in my mouth.
“But I genuinely liked you, I thought you were funny and sensitive-“
“You don’t like my sensitivity.”
“I do. I just hated how angry you were-“
“Because of you.”
“I know. I created a monster, I’m Frankenstein.”
“Damn straight.” I agree and we pause a beat before laughing.
“Anyway,” he continues. “You were funny and sensitive and resilient, passionate and smart, and you cared so deeply. It was rare meeting people like you in this field. I wanted to wrap you in bubble wrap but I think I shattered you instead. I’m sorry for the way I just let my past colour your time here. I feel like you left because of me-“
“It was really a lot of reasons.”
“I know but I was part of that and I felt no good. After you left I was a miserable son of a bitch for a while. I couldn’t even enjoy my holiday because I kept thinking of you. I was miserable so I barely even said goodbye—I didn’t realize you were going to run away so far. But I also didn’t want to say goodbye because I was scared I would convince you to stay by spilling my truth.”
His words sit on my chest and they slowly sink down to my stomach. I don’t know what it meant, what he wanted me to do with this confession. It’s too much.
“Mostly,” he continues, shifting closer to me on the sofa. He lowers his voice, “Mostly I’m sorry about Barcelona.”
I flush at the mention of it. At the heat and passion from that night. His eyes roam my face.
“I’m not that guy. I should have treated you nicer, should have been the one to keep my patience.”
“I didn’t make it easy,” I admit.
“No,” he chuckles. “You really fucking did not.”
We smile.
“But you’re so much more than anger y/n. I could barely sleep that night, I kept regretting giving into the anger and not being slow and soft with you the way you deserve. I regret it all the time.”
His confession pulls the veil off my eyes and I see a sharper image of my past. Of everything. It all comes at once and I can’t sort through it in the moment but I know what I want to do.
I shuffle over until I’m up against Harry, I hold his face in mine and he cups my face in his hand.
“You drove me crazy,” I tell him. “Made my life hell.”
“I know. But you drove me crazy too. Nobody got under my skin like you did.”
“Same.”
His hand snakes down to my thigh and he nudges it over his lap so that I’m straddling his body. I feel vulnerable and scared—not the first time these emotions have coursed through me in this very room. But today I don’t feel powerless.
His lips are soft against my cheek, my jaw, down my neck. Unlike the first time he’s slow and deliberate like someone who’s waited so long to unwrap a cherished gift and can’t stand ripping even the gift wrap. He pushes my hair out of the way and trails his fingertips down the back of my neck.
“I’m glad you’re here,” he whispers in my ear. The more he talked the more nervous he was making me. I turn my head to capture his lips, run my fingers through his hair which is too short to really grasp. I missed his old hair.
We break apart for a breath and I can feel the tension. The desire to have him near clashing with the need to go slow. To savour this. Somehow we both feel it.
“We don’t have to do anything tonight,” Harry promises me, his finger trailing down my arm. “Just having you here is enough.”
Oh god. How did he know just the things to say. This man was way too suave. He really was the devil.
But I needed him. It’s scary to admit but I did. I wanted to be here, I really did. I needed to be in this moment with him. Fulfill some shut-out desire that had grown dusty in the corner of my heart.
“I want to do this.”
With a gentle kiss he gets us up and takes my hand. I feel myself being pulled through the living room and towards the bedroom. The sheets are cool, but not cold and when he crawls in beside me I forget that I had ever been anywhere else.
He’s attentive and deliberate and I’m buzzing with anticipation. I decide to pick up the pace, propping myself up to take off my blouse. I watch his throat bob up and down like he’s never seen me like this before even though he has. It’s endearing.
The way his hands fit in the curve of my waist makes it harder to breathe. He moves his hands up my torso and to the straps of my bra. He pauses, as if asking permission, and when I nod, he kisses me. He unhooks it and slowly slides it off my shoulders, eyes fixed on mine.
The intensity of his gaze is overwhelming.
I pull him close to kiss him again, and he pulls me under him so I can feel the full weight of him against me. This is what I needed. To be physically present and not stuck in the after tremors of the earthquakes of my past. Not that he wasn’t part of my past but this is different. A non-verbal agreement to just be present. I knew his ways with women, it could be a one-night thing and that’s what I needed.
But that’s why the moments of tenderness and adoration nearly take my breath away. I don’t know where to put these things.
He kisses down my shoulder while his hand trails down to my trousers. He hooks his finger into the belt loop and tugs gently, looking up at me for consent.
I nod.
He slowly takes them off, and when his fingers brush against my bare legs, my breath hitches.
It happens again when he presses his lips against my hip bone.
He stops for a moment, and I can almost see the cogs in his brain whirring.
He moves up to press his forehead against mine.
"I don't know how to do this right," he says quietly, and his eyes search mine.
“What do you mean?”
“This is always how I should have treated you,” he whispers. “I want you to know-“
“Harry,” I smooth out the lines on his forehead.
"No," he grabs my hand and kisses it. "I don't want you to feel like I don't care because I do. I don’t want to hurt you. I'm not good at saying these things. But I want you to know how much I value you. That I like you as a person. I respect you. I want you to be okay.”
“I-“ who was this Harry, seriously!? “I get it. I’m okay. I am.”
He smiles at me tentatively and my heart does a somersault.
I grab the back of his neck and pull him down, pressing my lips against his. I could taste the sweetness of the words he had said.
I tug at his shirt and it flies into the darkness of his bedroom. His skin is heated against mine.
It feels like an eternity before he finally reaches the band of my panties, and my heart thumps wildly.
"May I?" he looks up.
"Please," I whisper.
For the first time since I’ve met him he doesn’t make it about himself or what he needs. It’s almost intimidating how intense he is as he looks after me and it’s hard to reconcile this man with the man in my head. We’re of one mind and it’s like he knows everything I’ve been through in the last 24 hours; he just attends to my every need reminding me that I was here, right here, in his arms and in this body.
And it doesn’t go unnoticed.
“Are you staying the night?” He asks later with a final kiss to my shoulder.
“If that’s alright?” I ask. I didn’t want to be alone in a cold hotel room.
“I’d love nothing more.” He says earnestly.
Love. I brush the word away.
He warns me that he was a slug if I stayed and he’s not exaggerating, with his arm draped over me and tucked up against him he’s like a child with a plush. He falls asleep just as quickly.
I should too but can’t. I feel so intensely about this body laying beside me, I want to crawl inside of him, understand him, understand us and how this worked.
Or maybe I wanted to just understand me, and why I felt a piece of myself sliding back into place tonight. I had to be the most fucked up person in this city.
Instead of sleeping I lay awake thinking about everything and I can’t help it. I go over this morning—god it felt like weeks ago. Josie’s graduation. Josie. Gray. Even Michelle.
I feel slightly paralyzed by everything that transpired today—it truly felt like peering through a glass window into a life I used to have. I try to break open the glass, sort it all out.
On one side is me and everything I’ve done this whole year to move on from the crumbs of my life here in London. I don’t know why but I really did think that coming back I would be 100% untouchable by my past. I was an idiot for thinking that because I was bothered that Gray seemed to have a steady girlfriend. Why did I think anything would rekindle between us?
I dig deeper, did I even want that to happen? Or did I just want to prove to myself that I was the one Gray let get away because I was too scared to face the possibility that I was the one who let Gray get away.
But clearly something didn’t work with us, I think bitterly. A few months with his new girl and he found the balls to open up with me and communicate his grievances and his apologies.
Love that’s as fierce and loyal as you are, he had said. Was I too much for Gray? Is that why we were made to burn out? It hurt too that he had damaged all my relationships I made in my life here in London only to cut those same people out of his life immediately after I left. The more I think about it the angrier I feel.
And his mom, I still feel bruised by her acting like she didn’t even know me. It stokes the anger higher. Her own son has called her crazy on multiple occasions, I was always nothing but kind to her. Gray was the one who put the final nail in our coffin yet the woman who called me her daughter and claimed to love me had been cruel. Even in the face of getting along for Josie’s sake she had put her petty feelings in the forefront.
These people made me so angry.
How did I ever think I could rekindle anything with Gray? As much as I was to blame, I realize, Gray couldn’t even be kind in the end. Just because the year apart was good to him didn’t mean he would still be good for me.
I think about the man laying beside me, in a hypothetical situation if things got ugly I instinctively want to say he would be cruel too. But I have to push past the persona he claimed to have put up and think about the glimpses of the man I saw underneath. Something tells me he would be just as fiery in letting me know how he was feeling. But with his recent apologies I’m not as convinced he would go out of his way to hurt me again.
Even in the bar last night, I just assumed he called me Mrs. Duran to be cruel but he hadn’t known. Or when I had assumed at Josie’s birthday party I would be fired for forgetting wine because he was an asshole when really he just acted like one so I wouldn’t feel worse.
How many times had I judged people because of how skewed my own lens was? It’s a sobering reminder.
Josie’s face flashes through my mind and I tear up at knowing we were going to cut each other out. No matter how much we loved each other staying in touch at this rate was no longer sustainable. For her best interest.
I think of my younger brother back home, my older sister, our family of 5. When I went back home there was so much to catch up on and eventually, apologize for. I had missed out on so much of my family’s life because I believed I needed to leave to grow. Well, life sure handed me a lot of lessons but I needed to go back home to plant them and let me grow.
Harry stirs beside me, nuzzling my neck in his sleep. I feel myself go teary eyed for no reason.
I wondered if this was just a one-night thing. If we would see each other again while I was in London. Did I want to see him? My heart sings yes immediately.
Damn.
What was it about him that pushed my emotions to the highest highs and lowest lows. How did he know every button to push and every bruise to kiss. This had to be toxic, we couldn’t just take our great big baggage of a past and see each other casually while I was in London. It couldn’t be that easy.
What if it was, hope whispers. I squirm. Could I forgive Harry for everything he’d done?
“Y’sleeping?” Harry mumbles to my left. Shit.
“Yeah,” I say which invokes a throaty chuckle from him. I check the time, it was nearly 4. Double shit.
“Liar,” he tugs on my hips and I turn to face him. “Talk to me.”
I couldn’t. Half of my thought were about him. And how could I tell him I was thinking about my ex after spending the night with him. So I just shake my head.
“Please?” He brushes my cheek with his thumb. “You need to sleep.”
“I-“ I try to say I can’t but the words get stuck in my throat. The emotions of everything I’d been thinking in the last couple hours threaten to dislodge the words from my throat so I close my mouth. But it doesn’t work.
A sob bursts out of me and before I can reel it all in the floodgates swing open and it carries all the pent-up sorrow and confusion, grief and anguish I had bottled up.
Harry freezes for a moment, probably very confused to wake up and have me reacting this way. But he recovers and pulls me into his warm chest.
“What is going on in that head of yours love,” Harry murmurs. Love. I sob even harder.
He murmurs reassuring words whilst stroking my back and I cry an embarrassing amount in the same bed where just hours ago I was blissed beyond comprehension. Life moves fast.
Finally when I gain enough composure I lean away, covering my face because crying into him was one thing but seeing my ugly cry face was another.
“Here,” I feel his body move and then tissues pressed into my hand. I’m grateful for them but I wasn’t going to blow my nose here. I sit up and try to dry my nose. His hand reaches out and the tips of his fingers rest on my spine like he was tethering my lost body to him. Somehow even that is reassuring.
“Don’t go trying to kiss my nose this early on again,” I try to joke through a stuffy voice.
“I wouldn’t dare,” he tugs my arm a little and I fall back beside him. He holds me in both his arms and I watch in horror and affection as he kisses the tip of my nose.
“Stop being so nice,” I laugh and cry a little too.
“You’re actually complaining about me being nice?”
“No I just—I’m not used to it,” I press the tissue to my eyes again.
“Well get used to it,” he peels the hair off of my face and pushes it back. “I don’t want to be the one hurting you. I swear to never ever be the reason you cry like this to anyone.”
“Don’t say those sorts of things if you don’t mean it.”
“I do,” he caresses my face. “You’re breaking my heart y/n, I don’t know who hurt you but I never want to see you like this. Especially not because of me alright? I’m sorry if I ever-“
“Stop,” I put my hand to his mouth. Which is kind of gross since I just blew my nose but I’m pretty sure him kissing my snotty nose means he didn’t care.
“But-“ he says behind my hand.
“I’m embarrassed right now,” I admit.
“You have seen me in every compromising situation,” Harry says. “And we have been through too much together to be embarrassed right now.”
“Fine,” I sigh. “It is tiring.”
“Maybe you can finally sleep now that it’s…almost 5?”
“Sorry,” I sigh. “I hope you don’t have something early?”
“Nope,” he kisses the top of my head. “And even if I did it wouldn’t matter.”
So we both try to go back to bed and I manage to fall asleep, all of those tiring racing thoughts washed away by a good cry. I feel warm and cared for and vulnerable and protected. A stark change from how Harry has made me feel before. Maybe this was temporary or maybe this was the start of something new. I’m just taking it minute by minute while all I can think is Do I or Don’t I?
***
It’s my final week in London and if you’d asked me a couple weeks ago if I was looking forward to going back home I would have said without hesitation yes.
But that night at Harry’s and putting my past to rest brushes away an old and tired film I had been viewing the city with since I landed.
We had seen each other a couple times a week since—I’ve been cautious despite my body saying otherwise. There were many days I had been free but I had made up some excuse not to see him, I was scared of getting too attached and having to leave.
But I can’t deny how nice it was to be with Harry without any labels. Most of the time I went over to his, it was tricky going out somewhere too public and risking getting papped. Together we just talk about life and work, my life back in America and my relationship with my family, his life growing up and his relationship with stardom. We watch movies and listen to music and make jokes and I open up a little about what had been weighing on my mind that night.
Winnie teases me that I was lighter than she’s ever seen me, that London looked good on me. I tell her she’s crazy. But even Oretta admits it when Winnie brings it up to her.
Harry makes the effort to make up for how he acted until it’s not just words. I believe what he was saying. And I admit to my faults too.
We still get under each other’s skin.
The thing we argue about the most is an opportunity Harry tries to get me to sign off on. The link he texted me when I was in Cambridge was an upcoming single one of his friends was releasing and he wanted to get me to bid on executing a music video for it. I tell him he was nuts and that I had no experience, plus I had a job. But he persists. He thinks I should explore putting my creative skills to use and not just my organizational skills. The arguing continues.
I have a date with him tonight, at the same bar we bumped into each other that first night. I have a question I’d been meaning to ask him.
“You aren’t actually a regular here are you?” I ask when we’ve settled.
“Of course I am,” he says but I know he’s lying. I raise my brow and he looks everywhere but at me. “Fine. I’m not.”
“So how the hell did you end up here that night?”
“Coincidence.”
“Liar.”
“I’m an honest man.”
“Truth please?”
“You’re embarrassing me here let’s move on.”
“Nuh-uh,” I’m enjoying his bright cheeks and darting eyes. “Did you stalk me or something?”
“I…I knew this was a local spot for you. Or was.”
“Really? How?”
“You mentioned it a few times? And I dropped you off here once after work.”
He might’ve. I’d met many friends and especially Gray here. I motion for him to continue.
“I might’ve known you were in town, might’ve found out you were here and…”
“So you did stalk me,” I gasp. “Oh my god ladies and gents he is obsessed.”
“That’s a strong word.” He argues.
“You. Stalked. Me.”
“Oh fine, I’ll confess: I’m used to the stalkers and I thought it was high time I did some stalking and see what the fun was all about,” he joins in on making fun of himself.
“Someone get me a restraining order,” I say just as someone approaches our table with drinks. As soon as they leave we burst out laughing.
“So have you given the music video any more thought?” Harry asks as the evening continues.
“Can we not talk about this right now?” I ask.
“I just think you should give it serious thought. I know you want to go into PR, be somebody’s Graham, but you have a really good eye for this thing. Before you pursue what you think you want, try this out.”
“You’re one dude,” I say again. “Who believes I can do this. You want me to throw away the career I’ve worked on for years to dabble in this and potentially waste time instead of getting to where I want?”
“Firstly, if you love doing something it’s not time wasted. And secondly you only ever need just one person to believe in you, angel.”
His fingers brush mine on the table, the familiar electricity courses through me just through the small touch. And of course, his use of pet names always turned me to putty. I hated how malleable he made me.
“Consider it. Just write a proposal y/n, it’s not betraying Oretta or anything. I can talk to her if you want if they choose your idea.”
It was scary putting myself out there for something I didn’t believe in myself for. But my echoes of burnout grow towards the idea of doing something less demanding than being an assistant just like a sunflower to the sun. It basks in letting my creativity flow.
“I’ll think about it.”
“Not for too long,” he taps my fingers again. We were cautious about being too touchy in public, even in a place like this where people genuinely didn’t care who he was. “Proposal’s due at the end of next week.”
When I would be back home in America. Away from here. Him.
We hadn’t talked about it, if we would try to keep in touch. I can’t really imagine a long-distance thing with Harry. Not at this stage. Mostly we enjoyed being in each other’s company and I was scared forcing labels just because we would be apart would ruin this fragile thing.
“Fine.” He’d worn me down and I submit. “Fine I’ll get something in for you.”
He pulls back with a shocked expression. “Did I just convince the stubborn y/n y/l/n to do something she didn’t want to do?”
I scowl. “Don’t get used to it.”
“I won’t,” he laughs, waving his hands around him like he was fanning in an aroma. “I’m soaking this in though.”
“Whatever,” I say with a smile.
“You make me work hard,” he smiles back. “For everything y/n. That’s one of the things I l-I-that I really like about you.”
We ignore the near slip of something far too serious for what we had going. We move past it but it sets my heart racing.
“So this friend of yours,” I change the subject. “With the music video. Didn’t you guys have like, beef when you were on tour? All that article stuff?”
“You of all people should know not to believe what you see online. It was all manipulated and put out of context.”
“I know but you were all moody for all your shows afterwards. I remember Jeff and Graham complaining. I assumed the articles had worn you down a bit.”
He raises a brow like he’s waiting on me to figure something out.
“What?”
“Really? You think it was the artcles?”
“Well what else happened that-“
Oh god. Was I that stupid?
Of course it wasn’t the articles, it was me! Us.
A smile stretches over the contours of his face as realization dawns on mine, “Twice in a row I’ve got you today, I should buy a lottery ticket.”
“I’m off my game today is all, don’t get used to it.”
I can’t believe it. Not that I didn’t believe Harry after the last few weeks but I—that night—really meant that much to him that his feelings over it had affected the rest of his tour? I had affected his tour?
“Why didn’t you say anything if it was weighing on you so much? If I recall I tried to talk to you a couple times.” I ask.
“What could I say,” he snorts. “You were engaged and my loss of control was why you cheated. Then you were quitting and I knew if I said anything you might have stayed. I didn’t want to keep you where you didn’t want to be.”
His words tug at my heart. He really had thought up a storm.
“Harry,” I lean back. “Gray and I broke up before I joined you guys on tour again. We weren’t cheating.”
His forehead creases, “What?! But you were together at my London show. I thought you two broke up after you moved back home?”
“No,” I guess in the last few weeks I’d just mentioned we broke up a long time ago. He didn’t know any specifics. “We were fake-together because he hadn’t broken the news to his sister then. But that’s why I was all…y’know in Barcelona-“
“Fuck me,” he groans. “No wonder you thought I was an ass for pulling you away-“
“Well you were-“
“Yeah alright-“
“Why did you really pull me away though?”
“I…I was feeling a bit possessive.”
“What?”
I wasn’t expecting that to come out of his mouth. He smiles sheepishly, “I thought we already came to terms with that.”
My stomach does a few somersaults. Until tonight I don’t think I’ve really focused on the magnitude of how Harry felt back then. Parts of my mind were still remembering him as a prick just because it was easier to remember my side of things. But this spins things in a brighter light.
“I was just your assistant though.”
“Y/N,” he tilts his head to the side. “Did I not already tell you what I thought about you that night in my flat?”
“Yeah but-“
“I’d never met anyone like you, I really liked you. I couldn’t have you though and I had to push you away constantly. And that drove me a bit crazy sometimes.”
I let out a noisy breath, wondering if how he felt about me was just as intense now as it was then. A part of me knows it must be. Feelings like that didn’t fade. But here I was, barely knowing what it was I felt for him. All I knew was that it was nice when we were together.
Why me, I want to ask. But I hold back. It wasn’t a question I could ask my ex-employer current-lover part-time-asshole.
“Sorry,” he apologizes. “Was that a bit strong?”
“No,” I sigh again and he laughs. “Fine. A little. But it’s fine, I’m okay.”
“Okay,” he believes me. “So you broke off your engagement and didn’t tell anyone?”
“Kinda, we weren’t in a place we could come back from. We decided that mutually after things blew up. He didn’t even know I was leaving the country actually.”
Harry whistles. “You ran out on all of us.”
I scratch the side of my head, “Maybe?”
“Well I’ve enjoyed having you again, here.” He says with sincerity. “I’m really relieved to be able to get to say everything I wanted to your face.”
I agree. Neither of us mention I was leaving later in the week.
Even by the night before I’m leaving London we still hadn’t discussed a thing. But there’s a heaviness to us as we have dinner at his, as we pretend to watch a movie only to cuddle on the couch. We lay there facing each other and I trace his eyes, his nose, his wonderful mouth. It’s so odd to me that this was the same Harry Styles performing in sold out venues and on the walls of teenage bedrooms. That I got to have him in these quiet moments and be present.
I feel so grateful for this. That I didn’t have to carry around these draining stories within me anymore, that it felt like it happened to someone else. In a way even if nothing came from all this, I got closure. I was able to move on now.
I imagine my heart and it feels like when you take a stroll mid-March and realize nature was healing from winter’s blues. Warm and blooming the earth was growing again—my heart was growing stronger. Now the idea of a date or a partner didn’t seem so daunting and exhausting. I would never have guessed that it would take the man who almost broke me to come into my life again for me to see how to fit those pieces back in place again.
“I don’t know what I’m gonna do not having you in town anymore,” his lashes flutter as I run my hand through his hair. It was still shorter than I was used to but it had grown in the last three weeks.
“Oh you’ll be fine,” I say. “I’ve worked on your schedule before: meetings and studio sessions and photoshoots and interviews.”
“A busy life isn’t always a full one,” he whispers. And it’s the closest thing to a confession we were going to get to. I cover his mouth with mine and we indulge in each other one final time.
There is a symphony of unexpected but undeniable intimacy woven between the beats of our entwined hearts. I know I would probably never feel this way with anyone and I don’t think I’d want to. Being with Harry was passion. It was losing myself and finding myself at the same time. It was being vulnerable and guarded and cherished and known.
My flight out tomorrow is around noon but I can’t stay the night as I’d have to help Oretta in the morning to make sure everything gets to the airport in time. Harry walks me down to his lobby and we stand there for a few, just holding each other tight. He doesn’t ask me to stay and I don’t ask him to come.
“This isn’t goodbye y/n,” Harry says when we part. His hand rests on his heart. I know the feeling, mine aches so hard I want to press my hand to it just to tell it everything would be fine.
“No,” I shake my head. My eyes had been teary ever since he squeezed me to him. “We’ll talk soon.”
“You’ll be directing music videos soon.”
I roll my eyes, “I’m still working on the proposal.”
“I have a good feeling about it.”
“That makes one of us. But…thanks for believing in me.”
“Thanks for believing in me,” he whispers. “Even when you didn’t have to.”
I’m glad I did. The only time in my life not paying attention to the warning bells had paid off.
“I’ve been working with this new producer and he wants me to come out to a studio in Cotati?” Harry mentions. “How far is that from where you are? Are you still in m Burbank?”
“Burbank’s where my parents are,” I shake my head. I look up what he’s talking about and feel a thrill when it’s less than a couple hours. Still, I try to maintain neutrality. “A little over an hour?”
“Well,” he brushes my hair over my shoulder and keeps his eyes looking just over it. “Depending on what you’re doing—maybe if you’re free…we can see each other again?”
I would love that. My heart is bursting just thinking of getting to have him in the place I called home. Of this meaning something. Of him wanting to see me again.
“Of course if you have a boyfriend by then and he doesn’t want you to see me that’s…I mean, live your life and if it works out we-“
“Yes,” I cut him off. “Yeah. Let’s see but that sounds good.”
He meets my gaze and I laugh a little, he was nervous and that was rare.
“Good,” he smiles with. “Until next time.”
“Until next time,” I step into his arms and it’s a quick affair before he steps away. I turn to head out the door, shielding my eyes from him. Not wanting him to see that this was stupidly hard to say goodbye.
He waves me off and I head back to my hotel with a heavy heart. But I think about him asking to see me again. Who knows when that would be. And I know this wasn’t the end of our story.
***
I’m happy to land in SFO the following evening, happy to busy myself with Oretta’s business, happy to have Winnie chattering away. I spent parts of the flight I wasn’t sleeping working on my MV proposal and it awakens a familiar passion inside of me I’d been afraid I’d lost.
I send out a silent thanks to Harry for knowing what was good for me.
I think of Harry often, Gray even less until I don’t think of him at all. I dream of London weekly; I missed it this time around. And as life resumes again I anticipate the change I sense on the horizon.
So when life gives me lemons I stop asking Do I or Don’t I. If one thing the last year has taught me was I had to listen to my gut and look at the signs. I had to start asking what I wanted and go after it. Even though Harry and I barely talk, I remember the lessons he’s taught me.
I stop looking to others to make decisions. There’s no guidebook or lists to help me make my decisions either. I take deep breaths and I believe in myself.
I build a new life on the remains of my old. I don’t let it dictate what I did anymore, I simply leave it as the foundation to elevate me even higher. I reach for the sky with my feet planted firmly on the ground. And I grow with reckless abandon.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
TAGLIST: @boomitsallie1 @indierockgirrl @ndunad @jerseygirlinca @sunshinemoonsposts @ninasw0rld @love-letters-to-uranus @mayamonroem @sassamanda77 @harryspirate
🤍
Epilogue
#writingsfromhome#harry styles x reader#harry styles fic#harry styles#harry styles fanfic#harry styles imagine#harry styles angst#harry styles fluff#musician!harry#harry styles series#harry stylesxreader#enemies to lovers#dos and don’ts#this is DONE#I HAD THE MOST FUN WRITING THIS I REALLY POURED MY HEART INTO IT#IM SO HAPPY ITS DONE#AHHH#I LOVED WRITING THESE CHARACTERS#EVEN THE FRUSTRATING ONES#fic#<3#i considered an epilogue but firstly not enough space and secondly idk if this open-ish ending suited the series?#if you didn’t like the ending I’m sorry just consider the alternate ending to be right after the grad dinner#but listen distance and experience provides perspective so nobody stay mad#okk byee#love ya
125 notes
·
View notes
Text
Saying Goodbye
Tom Hiddleston x wife!reader oneshot
Your husband just finished filming season 2 of Loki, thus concluding his long journey as the God of Mischief, but as a stunt double for The Marvels, you’re stuck doing a reshoot on the night of the wrap party when all you want to do is be there for him.
Warnings: angst, fluff
A/N: After watching the Loki finale, as well as Tom’s interview on Jimmy Fallon, I guess I wrote this to process my own grief (and be a little self indulgent)…
When you walked into the wrap party, you spotted your husband immediately, talking to Ke Huy Quan across the room by the bar. Tom’s dyed black curls were slightly disheveled and he was gesturing wildly with his hands, clearly very passionate about whatever the topic of conversation was. You couldn’t help but smile to yourself as you watched him, until you were pulled from your thoughts by a familiar voice.
“Well, look what the cat dragged in,” Owen Wilson greeted you, pulling you in for a hug. “Glad you could make it!”
“And just in time, evidently,” you added as you pulled out of the hug. “Is he doing any better?”
Owen shook his head and sighed. “He’s not doing any worse, I can say that much.”
The two of you walked over to Tom and Ke, and you slid your arm around Tom’s slender waist. “Sorry to interrupt,” you told them both.
Tom’s eyes lit up when he saw you. “Darling! You made it!” he said excitedly, standing up from his seat at the bar and quickly giving you a hug and kiss before addressing the entire room. “Y/n Hiddleston, everybody!” he shouted, pointing at you as if you were the big surprise guest for the night. Everyone played along and cheered while you waved bashfully at them all before turning back to Tom.
“How are you doing, my love?” you asked him, concerned, as you cupped his face in your hand.
“I’m wonderful,” he assured you. “Why?”
You glanced at Owen apprehensively. “Owen said you were sort of… spiraling.”
“What?” Tom looked at Owen confused. “You said I was spiraling?”
“You’ve been spiraling a little,” Owen said quietly from behind you. You and Ke proceeded to watch the two men bicker back and forth.
“I think I’d know if I was spiraling.”
“I mean, it’s a subtle spiral, but a spiral all the same.”
“Is there even such a thing as a subtle spiral?
“So you’re admitting that it’s not subtle. Good!”
“No, I’m saying there was no spiral to begin with.”
“Oh my god! If either of you say the word spiral one more time, I’m going to start spiraling,” you shouted abruptly.
“I promise you, darling, I’m fine. Really.” Tom attempted to reassure you as he pulled you close to him. You looked over your shoulder at Owen briefly who held up his hands in defeat.
“Alright,” you conceded, before turning to Ke. “I’m so sorry, Ke! I didn’t mean to interrupt your conversation.”
“It’s okay,” Ke said cheerfully. “Tom was just telling me about how I shouldn’t get too attached to anything because everything ends eventually.” You and Owen both gave Tom a look.
Tom chuckled nervously and then clapped his hands together. “Shots anyone?” he asked, as he turned to the bartender. “Another round of Loki shots, please! And add one more for my beautiful wife!”
“No need,” Owen called after the bartender. “She can just have mine!”
“Oh no, I’m good. I’m driving,” you chimed in, shooting a glare at Owen.
“That’s fine. I’ll just have both of theirs,” Tom said nonchalantly.
You quickly stepped between Tom and the bar. “Hey, maybe we should forget the shots and have a little fun of our own at home.” You gave him a playful wink, hoping to distract him.
“But you just got here,” he protested. “Please, let’s stay for a while and celebrate the end!”
The way he said ‘celebrate the end’ sounded excited and happy, but you could tell it was forced. Still, it was his night tonight (though he would never accept it if you told him that), and you didn’t want to be the one to spoil it, so you obliged.
You, Tom, Owen, and the rest of the ‘Loki’ cast and crew spent the next couple of hours laughing, dancing, and sharing stories (most of which ended up being about Tom), and it seemed like maybe Tom was handling things better than you had originally thought. There was a moment when he reprised his rendition of ‘Very Full’ from the first season of the show, and you thought for a moment, during the slower part of the song, that he was finally letting his feelings to the surface, but as the song picked up again, so did his demeanor. It wasn’t until people started to say their goodbyes for the night, that you really began to see his happy exterior fade.
“I think it’s time to call it, boss,” Owen said to Tom as the last few cast members departed, leaving only the three of you along with a couple of closing staff in the venue rented out for the night’s festivities.
“I suppose so,” Tom agreed with a sad smile.
“We’re still on for lunch before your flight leaves tomorrow, right?” you asked Owen as he hugged you and Tom goodbye.
“I wouldn’t miss it,” he replied. And with that he left.
You then turned to your husband and held out your hand. “Come on, love. Let’s get you home.”
The two of you spent the car ride reliving the fun of the party, and were laughing as you walked in the front door of the house. As you set your purse down on the buffet in the foyer, Tom wrapped his arms around your waist from behind and nuzzled into your neck.
“Thank you for coming,” he said softly.
You placed your hands over his and swayed back and forth. “Of course, baby. But I want to ask you one more time…” You turned around to face him, putting one hand on his shoulder and the other gently cupped his face. “Are you alright? Because it’s perfectly okay to not be okay right now. You just closed a huge chapter of your life and no one expects you to just take it on the chin.”
As you said this, Tom’s eyes slowly welled up with tears as he finally let go of the mask he’d so tirelessly upheld all night. “I’ve said goodbye to Loki before, and I thought I could do it again” he began, his voice cracking slightly. “But it’s only that much harder now. He changed my life. He’s become such a deeply rooted part of me over the last 13 years. How am I expected to just move on from that?”
A tear fell down his cheek and you brushed it away with your thumb. “No one expects you to, sweetheart,” you replied in a soft, comforting tone. “You’re allowed to grieve.”
Tom squeezed his eyes shut, causing more tears to fall as he hugged you tight, burying his face in the crook of your neck. You held him there for a moment, stroking his hair while he quietly cried.
“But, Tom,” you continued, taking his face in both hands, lifting his head, and looking deep in his eyes. “Even if Loki’s on-screen journey is over, it doesn’t mean he’s gone. You said it yourself that he’s a part of you. Even if Kevin Feige never calls you up again— which, let’s be honest, is never out of the question at this point—” He let out a small chuckle. “As long as you’re around, so is he, and that’s because you put your heart and soul into that character, much like everything else that you do. It’s one of the many reasons I fell in love with you.”
Tom smiled at you through his tears before leaning down to kiss you tenderly. When your lips finally parted he leaned his forehead against yours and sighed. “Thank you, love,” he whispered.
“No, thank you Tom,” you replied, tears forming in your own eyes now. “Thank you for giving us Loki.”
…
One year later:
youtube
#tom hiddleston#loki#original content#loki laufeyson#tom hiddleston x reader#Tom hiddleston x wife!reader#tom hiddleston fluff#tom hiddleston angst#loki spoilers#tom hiddleston x y/n#tom hiddleston x you#owen wilson#loki season 2#loki series#tom hiddleston one shot#tom hiddleston fanfiction
238 notes
·
View notes
Text
i keep thinking about that one bachelor au post so here's my take on it (i've never watched the bachelor or bachelorette so bear with me)
the bachelor au where steve's the bachelor and eddie is a contestant, but not because he actually wants to be, he's just in it for the paycheck. robin is also a contestant but only because her parents sent in her application without her knowing and she isn't out to them yet.
they both think that steve is overrated and definitely over hyped. typical rich kid with enough money to buy people's love, yada yada.
until they both start going on dates with them and then realize that it isn't exactly true. yes, he's rich, but he's also kind and funny and actually genuine once you get past the mask he puts on for everybody. eventually, eddie and robin find themselves looking forward to their dates.
only robin doesn't want to date him. he's slowly moving his way up the ranks to becoming her best friend, sure, but this is still tv. she's still expected to kiss him and confess her feelings for him. and when the time comes for her to do that, she can't.
they're in venice. steve is leaning in and robin is very aware of the cameras filming them. the back of her neck goes cold and her stomach churns and suddenly she's running in the opposite direction. her italian is passable so she ends up getting a taxi back to the hotel production put them in.
she locks herself in her en suite and presses her forehead against the cold porcelain. she doesn't know how long she sits there until her phone buzzes and she checks the notification. the nausea rises up her throat again. she forgot she gave steve her number.
there's a knock on her room door and another text.
r u ok? can i come in?
robin debates it but figures she owes him and explanation. she lets him in and they sit on the bathroom floor. robin tells him why she's on the show in the first place, about how she didn't know her parents signed her up until she got the phone call from the casting director. tells him that even if she gets kicked off, she can still use the money for her student loans.
she stares at the water in the toilet bowl when she comes out to him.
steve is quiet, processing, before he laughs. he's not laughing at her, he promises, but "robin. you're on a show with more than a handful of other queers, you know that, right? i'm bisexual."
and yeah, robin knew that, but it's different when you're not into the guy you're supposed to be romancing at all.
steve reassures her that it's okay, and that he still hopes they can be friends and keep in touch after the show ends.
robin would like that.
she apologizes to the production crew the next day and they're understanding and steve and robin get a re-do of their date. it's much more genuine this time, filled with laughs and digs as they eat gelato along the river and people watch and gossip.
it's the best robin's ever been on.
eddie, on the other hand. he's absolutely head over heels for steve, which is surprising even for him. he's trailer park trash, he's got absolutely nothing on steve harrington. not the name, not the money.
hell, the very first day, he insulted the guy's food choices right to his face without knowing it.
eddie wants the earth to give way underneath him and swallow him whole.
he plays it up on their first date, all fake niceties and empty smiles, until steve tells him point blank, "the guy that said the buffet was shit that first night? i want to get to know him."
eddie's flabbergasted.
steve opens up about all the fake people in his life, the ones who just take advantage of them and use him for their own gains. the ones who don't even bother to get to know the real him. the one that likes to play guitar and hang out with the gaggle of teenagers that follow him around all the time for some unknown reason.
he tells eddie about what he wants to do with his life, not what someone else has planned for him and eddie falls deeper and deeper.
this time, when steve leans in for a kiss, eddie doesn't shy away. their lips press together and it's the best goddamn kiss either one of them have ever had.
the show has a deadline, of course, and steve can't just spend all his time with eddie and robin. there are other contestants. robin knows her rose is strictly platonic and steve has already called her multiple times freaking out about his growing crush on eddie. she knows eddie has this in the bag.
the final night comes and the contestants have dwindled. there's only a small group of them left: eddie, robin, and another guy and girl they didn't bother learning the names of.
when steve chooses eddie after a moment of dramatic silence that kind of puts his own dm dramatics to shame, eddie doesn't hesitate to jump in steve's arms, wrap his legs around his waist, and plant a sloppy one on him right in front of the cameras.
#steddie#steddie ficlet#platonic stobin#the three muskequeers#something something steve going on a tv show to find romance and ending up finding both his romantic and platonic soulmates#cj talks#prompts
619 notes
·
View notes
Note
I’ve been wondering does Zosan x reader kids ever ask them if Chopper is their big brother? And if they say he’s not quite that he’s a value member of the crew, so the kids ask why they don’t adopt him since he seems to be closer to them, especially to Zoro and because Chopper either runs to him, Sanji, or reader when something happens?
I mean look at this baby!! Who wouldn’t want to adopt him right away?! 🥹🥰
Oh Chopper my sweet baby boy. I'm so happy to do this, I took some creative liberties with it though so i hope you don't mind.
Reader is Female (Sorry), Zoro X Sanji X Reader, Poly relationship, established relationship. Their daughter is Kuina a 5 year old blonde haired girl with Sanji's eyebrows but reader's eye's and skin tone.
Warning: bad language, Hurt/comfort and Fluff.
Luckily for the blonde haired girl she managed to avoid all three of her parents on the way into the medical office, she scrapped her knee while running around with Luffy and Usopp, she didn't tell the two about it, just that she was tired. Kuina knows they'll tell her parents who will react like they always do, her blonde daddy will freak out and fuss over her, her moss headed dad will glare mainly at uncle nose for letting it happen while her mother will try and control the situation all while trying to comfort her daughter. It doesn't matter if its a broken bone or a simple cut, she finds they overreact too much, Chopper on the other hand doesn't, he just deals with the problem. After cleaning out the cut and putting a band aid on it Kuina was good to go, with a large smile she jumps off the chair and hugs the doctor "Thanks Brother, i'm gonna go play now, do you want to join?" She asks pulling away to see the reindeer's wide eye'd expression, its true she see's him as a bother, but she's never called him that before, her smile drops at his face going from shocked to sad. "Kuina, I'm not your brother" Chopper states not knowing how to deal with the situation, Kuina looks at him confused before grabbing his hand and stepping closer "Not by blood but i think of you as my brother, Mum, Dad and Daddy also treat you like your theirs too so... can't we be siblings?" She asks with hope in her voice but Chopper sighs and leads her over to the chair getting her to sit down, so he can explain things to her. "They only treat me that way because other than you, i'm the youngest of the crew, In their eyes i'm a child but not their child"
Kuina sinks into her chair feeling slightly deflated by his words but shakes her head "That's not true, they treat you like they treat me." She tries to make him see it her way but Chopper hops up onto the chair in front of her holding her hands tight "Do you have parents? is that why we can't be siblings?" She asks trying to understand, the doctor looks up surprised at her words but decides to tell her hoping she will understand "I do but… you see before i ate the devil fruit i was just a normal deer but after, my parents and my herd didn't recognize me, they sore me as a monster, they hurt me and cast me out. The towns people also sore me as a monster, if it weren't for Dr Hiriluk and Dr Kureha i would have been alone. When i joined the crew i didn't fully trust them but over time i have come to see them as family but" Chopper stops for a second letting out a sigh, Kuina leans in squeezing his hand as her eyes tear up, she can't image anyone treating Chopper that "Kuina, its ok if you see me as a brother but I'd rather you not call me that out in the open, i don't want you parents to be forced into looking after me like i'm their kid. I do love them a lot and go to them when ever i need something but your their child… I'm not, being treated like their child is very different from being their actual child" The doctor tried to be open and honest even though it hurts him to say all this, of course he see's her three parents as parental figures, but they have Kuina to take care of, she's their flesh and blood not him.
The young girl tears up at his words before leaping forwards to hug her fuzzy brother, she still didn't fully understand, but she knows not to push him into anything although there is one thing she has to ask "They could adopt you? then you would be their real child" Chopper sighs at her words holding her tighter while rubbing her back "That's up to them not up to me" His voice sounds so sad but it wasn't a no, Kuina was now determined to find a way around this and to make him happy, at the moment though she doesn't know what to tell him, a part of her wanted to tell him to shut up and ignore all that silly stuff while the other part of her remembers what her Mother and Luffy would say. "I don't like the way you think but I'll respect your destitution" She whispers to him soon feeling the reindeer hug back slight tears welling up in his eyes. Kuina knows what she has to do, in order to understand she needs to take a note from her auntie Robin, gather as much information as possible not only to learn more and understand the situation but also how to go about things. She wants Chopper to feel the love she gets from her parents and to have a family who won't kick him aside, of course the crew is family but being able to call someone mum or dad can maybe help heal old wounds or make the future brighter. Pulling away from the hug Kuina smiles brightly at her fluffy brother while patting him on the head "Thanks for helping me out Teddy, I'll see you later ok" The young girl smiles wide before running out of the medical room before he can stop her.
The first person Kuina runs too is her Mother since she didn't want to walk out of the medical room into the kitchen, she knows that her blonde farther will be all over her with questions and looking her over for any kind of cut or bruise. Running across the deck and to the bedroom's she smiles upon hearing her Mothers humming coming from the bedroom. Putting the cover back on the bed your startled by Kuina's sudden voice right behind you "Mum, can i ask you something?" Jumping you place a hand over your heart while turning to face the young girl "Kuina! You get snakier everyday... what do you need sweetie?" You bend down picking your little girl up and place her on the freshly made bed, your proud that your daughter can sneak up on you but it also concerns you a little. "Would you ever consider adopting Chopper?" Kuina asks letting her legs sway a little while sitting on the bed, your eyes widen at her question but you manage to compose yourself enough to try and think of a coherent answer. "I've never really thought about it before... Why are you asking sweetie?" You ask hoping to find out why she suddenly has this idea in her head, shifting a bit Kuina looks down at her fiddling hands as you kneel down to be eye level with her "You, Dad and Daddy always treat him like your child and i see him as a brother so i was wondering why not adopt him, so he can officially be a part of our family" Understanding now you can't help but smile and let out a small laugh catching your daughter off guard. "I'm sorry sweetie but i would have to adopt the whole crew one way or another since i see them as family too. I see Nami as my sister and Jinbe as my uncle." You try to explain.
Kuina sighs while pushing her self foreword to get a little closer, her eyes seem sad which makes your heart break so before she can speak you take her hand in yours while the other goes to her cheek "Just because he's not officially family doesn't mean you can't think of him as your brother. I do think of him as my child, i love him like i love you but adopting him is something very different, he's his own person, and he's never shown an interest in having a parental figure. Either way i will always be there for him and i will always be there of you." Your words make Kuina nod understanding your point of view on things but there was still something else she has to ask. "Mom, What if.. What if Chopper wants you to adopt him?" Kuina asks looking up from her hands and into her Mothers eyes which soften slightly but their also kinda sad, you hate seeing your daughter upset but you can't sugar coat things for her. "Well if that were the case then me and your farther's would have to talk about it, and then we would have to talk about it with Chopper to see if he really wants it." You give your honest answer which the young girl nods at before pulling you into a hug, with a smile you hug back while rubbing her back "Thanks Mum, i think i understand now... I love you" Kuina smiles pulling away from the hug so you can cup her face basking in her beautiful smile " i love you too sweetie, I've got to get back to cleaning before dinner, ok" You state standing back up and letting your daughter jump off the bed and run out the door leaving you to clean the rest of the room.
The second person Kuina goes too is her green haired dad who she knows will be training in the crows nest, making her way up the ladder she pushes open the hatch, the sound of clinking mental and huffs of her farther fill the room as the young girl slips through the hatch. Zoro holds a large weight over his head while doing lunges, his daughter knows well enough to stay away while he's working out so takes a few steps back before calling out to him "Dad" Her little voice hits his ears making the swordsman smirk turning his head to the side as he stands up straight "What's up baby girl?" He asks placing his large weight down before grabbing a towel to wipe his hand and face "I wanted to ask you something" She calls out staying where she is until her Farther says otherwise, just because the weight is down it doesn't mean the area is safe for her. Wrapping the towel around his shoulders Zoro walks over to his daughter with a raised eyebrow which tells her to go on "Would you ever consider adopting Chopper?" Kuina asks looking up at her suddenly frozen farther, Zoro had to process her words for a second since it caught him off guard, its only when his daughter touches his hand that the swordsman snaps out of it. Zoro sighs and sits down cross-legged on the floor before pulling his daughter onto his lap "What's going on?" The swordsman asks giving his daughter a stern look wanting her to tell him exactly what's going on in her head. Leaning into her dad the swordsman wraps his arms around her knowing what ever is troubling her is making the young girl sad. "I see Chopper as my Brother but when i called him that he.. He said not to call him that, not because it makes him uncomfortable but because he's not your child. Even though you treat him like your own Chopper doesn't see himself as a part of our family but i want him to be"
With a sigh Zoro rubs her back unsure how to answer this but his daughter came to him for a reason instead of you or Sanji, so he feels like he has to answer in some way. "Baby girl, It's ok if you see Chopper as a brother and its true we treat him like a child at times, i am a little protective over him-" Kuina pulls away to give her farther a deadpan look making the swordsman glare down at his daughter "More than a little" Zoro can't help but let out a small laugh at her words before ruffling her blonde hair "I love Chopper like i love you and want both of you to be safe, i will always treat him that way and consider him family but" Zoro pauses for a second trying to choose his next words wisely while his daughter weights patiently for him, it takes a while but soon he manages to find the words "Chopper is a part of our family no matter what, but adopting him is a tricky subject since its not only a big destitution for us and Chopper to make but as well... Chopper is his own person, its down to him what he wants, if he wanted to be adopted then me, your mum and your dad will have to talk about things before we do anything else." Zoro sighs hoping his answer was good enough while pulling the young girl into his chest for a tight hug, Kuina hugs back with a smile starting to see a pattern forming but there's still one more person to talk too. "Thanks Dad, I love you" Kuina pulls away to look up at her farther with a big smile before stepping off his lap, the swordsman gives her a small smile back before ruffling her hair making the young girl giggle "I love you too, Baby girl" He calls out as the blonde girl runs to the hatch to head back down onto the deck.
The last person to talk too was her blonde farther so Kuina heads to the kitchen, its almost dinner time, so he'll still be cooking but her hope is Uncle Luffy won't be in there bothering him. Luckily when she opens the door its just her dad in the kitchen, Sanji looks up from the pot he's steering to see his daughter make his way over to him "My sweet girl, what do i owe the please" The cook smiles wide walking over to his daughter who holds her arms out for a hug "I want to ask you something" She states as her dad happily picks his daughter up holding the young girl close as he makes his way back over to the stove starting to steer the pot again "Of course my angel" Sanji places a kiss on her head holding her with one arm as he turns the heat down on the cooker "Would you ever consider adopting Chopper?" She asks but isn't surprised to see a shocked look cover his face, the cook gulps his mind running with answers and questions of his own, but he soon manages to shake his head and put Kuina down "I- Urm... I've never thought about it before" Sanji pulls over a chopping board with a small knife starting to chop up stuff for a salad, Kuina tilts her head to the side worried by her farther's reaction, but she pushes over a stool to stand on. Stepping up she places her hand on her farther's arm getting him to look at her "I'm sorry if i made you upset" Sanji's eyes soften at her words, putting down the knife he turns to his daughter and cups her face while placing a light kiss on her forehead "You didn't upset me, you just caught me off guard. Can i ask what made you think of this?" The cook asks pulling away from his daughter who nods at him.
Kuina tries her best to explain while pulling over the cutting board and knife wanting her help her farther cook, Sanji lets her do the salad as he tents to the other pots and food in the oven "I called Chopper Brother today, i see him as my brother, but he got really upset when i called him that. He told me about his family and that he doesn't want to you, mum and dad to feel forced into looking after him like he's your child if i call him brother around you. I tried to explain that you, mum and dad treat him like he's your child already but... I just thought maybe adopting him would make him feel more like family" Nodding Sanji stands next to her while steering the pot understanding a bit more now, "I'm glad you see him as family but you shouldn't push him into anything. Your such a sweet heart but some times pushing someone to make them happy doesn't always work, in fact it can make them sadder" The cook turns to his daughter not wanting to hurt her but also wanting her to know the truth, pushing some hair out of her face Sanji tries his best to make her understand Choppers side of things "Being abandoned by family is hard, its takes a long time to recover and to find something that fills that hole, I'd like to think the crew has filled that hole. Your right in saying that i treat Chopper like my own and its because i love him like he's my child but no one should force him into feeling the same way. I know it upsets you sweetie, seeing him sad but you can't force him to be happy" Kuina looks up at her farther with teary eyes while putting down the knife, she wants Chopper to be happy but maybe she'll do more harm than good if she pushes it.
Either way she still needs to know if they would adopt him if the reindeer wanted them too "W-what if he wants to be adopted, to be a part of our family but is too shy to ask?" She asks while rubbing her eye to try and stop the tears from falling, Sanji's heart breaks at seeing his little girl about to cry so quickly picks her up pulling the young girl into a tight hug "We'll if he does want to be adopted them we would have to discuss it as a family first, make sure everyone is on the same page, if he's too shy to ask then there's noting we can do other than wait until he's ready to ask. There's also the matter of paperwork which we wouldn't be able to do since were pirates so it would be more of a verbal adoption than an official one" Sanji sighs rubbing Kuina's back as she clings onto him while burring her head on his neck, she didn't know what to say, the plan she had has gone out the window and now she just feels helpless at the fact her furry brother doesn't feel like a part of their family even though her and her parents love him and want him to be a part of it. Sanji tries to sooth the little girl as tears start falling down her cheeks, he hates breaking her heart, but he can't lie to her, the door to the kitchen opens making the cook growl slightly about to yell at Luffy or who ever is about to walk in only to see you and Zoro walk on with very confused faces. On the way to the kitchen you spotted Zoro coming down from the crows nest so you waited for him hoping to talk about Kuina and her strange question only for the swordsman to beat you too it. The two of you had a talk about it but it only made the two of you even more confused so decided to head to the kitchen wondering if she's also talked to Sanji.
Kuina sniffles before pulling her head away form her blonde farther's shoulder to see who opened the door, upon seeing her tear stained face you run over to see if she's ok "Oh sweetie what's the matter?" you ask as Zoro quickly walks over his aura was more murderess than it was concerned, all he needed to know was who. "It's ok, she's not you" Sanji calmly states mainly looking at the swordsman hoping to stop that heavy aura the moss head is letting out "I'm sorry, i just want Chopper to be happy" Kuina lets out while trying to wipe her tears away, sighing you now understand she's asked all her parents the same thing, Zoro calms down when hearing this so takes a stop forward and places a hand on his daughters head "You could have just asked us all together, why separately?" The swordsman asks as the little girls starts to calm down "I-i wanted to get your separate opinions so i could make a plan but... I don't know what to do now, I want Chopper to be happy and i know i can't force it but its clear you all love him like your own and treat him like your own, but he doesn't see that. When i mentioned adoption to him he didn't say no and i could see how upset he was when talking about how he's not your child but i that could be changed " She starts to tear up again making Sanji sigh and hold his daughter closer as you brush some hair out of her face prompting her to go on. "I know i can't force him into anything and that its his chose but his own fears and worries are stopping him from saying what he wants to say. I want him to feel the love that you give me, i want him to have a family that loves him and won't abandon him. We can be that family but no one is willing to make the first move to ask, Chopper won't ask because he's scared and you won't ask because its up to Chopper so we're at a stand still"
Your heart breaks for your daughter, all three of you may have given different answers but in the end you all agree that its up to Chopper what he wants. The short silence is soon filled by loud crying but its not coming form your daughter, Chopper runs out of the medical room and into the kitchen his eyes filled with tears as he runs to cling onto Sanji's leg since he can't get to Kuina in his arms. Kuina's eyes widen at seeing her fluffy brother crying while trying to say something but it sounds more like babbling, the cook sighs placing a hand on Choppers head trying to calm him as Zoro sighs bending down to pull the reindeer of Sanji's leg "Chopper Honey" You sigh bending down to try and see his face "I-i love you too" Chopper calls out making your heart melt, Zoro manages to get the doctor off Sanji's leg as the cook puts Kuina down letting the young girl hug Chopper who happily hugs back crying into her shoulder. Thinking for a second you grab Zoro and Sanji's arms then gesture over to the pantry with a nod, knowing the three of you need to talk you all make your away into the pantry to have a privet conversation while Kuina sooth's Chopper. "So i'm guessing she asked you two as well" Sanji sighs while looking over to his daughter, nodding Zoro crosses his arms over his chest "You think we fucked up?" the green haired man asks but you shake your head with a small smile "No, we all have our own opinions on it and i'm glad she still came to her own consultation of not wanting to give up." Your proud of the girl you've raised, she has Sanji's kind heart, Zoro's courage and your understanding, a perfect mix.
Sanji takes your hand pulling you into him while the other takes Zoro's hand doing the same "I know we can't do the paperwork but .. Do you want to adopt Chopper?" The cook asks with a small smile already knowing his own answer, looking from Sanji to Zoro you nod, with a smirk the swordsman wraps his arm around your waist while looking between his two partners "Well i already see him as my son so of course" Zoro grins looking you over before turning to the cook who nods leaning up and placing a kiss on the swordsman's lips "Well lets see what he thinks" Sanji's beautiful smile grows on his face as he leans over to place a kiss on your lips, happily kissing back Zoro bends down placing a kiss on your cheek, pulling away from the cook you look up at the green haired man and place a kiss on his lips which he leans into. With the three of you in agreement you all head out of the pantry and over to Kuina and Chopper, the young girl has manages to calm the reindeer down as she rubs his arms while he wipes his face. "Chopper" You smile getting the doctor to look up at you "We wanted to ask you something" Zoro smirks placing an arm around your shoulder as Sanji takes your hand "We love you a lot, and we already consider you a part of our family, but we were hoping that maybe we could make it official" The cook gulps getting kind of nervous.
Squeezing his hand you decide to continue for him "Chopper, Would you like us to adopt you?" You ask watching as the doctor's eyes widen in shock but a big smile forms on his face "Yes please" He calls out running up to the three of you with his arms wide open. The three of you bend down letting Chopper jump into your arms, happy tears fall down his fluffy face that Sanji brushes away, Zoro looks over at Kuina who's smiling wide but her eyes are filling with tears, opening his arm for her the young girl runs into her dads arms joining in the hug. "See i told you... Your a part of our family Brother" Kuina calls out putting one arm around Chopper to hug him "I love you all so much, thank you" The doctor cry's out suddenly turning to hug the young girl and cry into her shoulder again "Thank you Kuina.. I love you sister" Kuina can't help but let some happy tears fall as he hugs the reindeer back shoving her head into his shoulder, she's beyond happy that the person she thinks of as a brother is now actually her brother., he'll be happy and loved now, he'll be looked after like she is and have someone to go to that he can call mum, dad or sister. With a laugh Zoro pat their heads glad to see his little girl happy again and to have Chopper officially be his son. Sanji wipes a tear away form his eye trying not to cry as he watches his two kids hug each other, he always wanted a loving family, but he didn't think it would ever be this loving, either way he's so glad for it. Placing a hand on your heart you watch the two kids with a smile, your so lucky to have them in your life and to have them grow up under your watch.
#one piece#imagine#polly relationship#zoro x reader#roronoa zoro#sanji x reader#sanji x zoro#zosan#zosan x reader#zoro x sanji#zoro roronoa#zoro#one piece zoro#black leg sanji#vinsmoke sanji#one piece sanji#sanji#strawhat pirates#chopper#tony tony chopper#one piece chopper#op zosan#one piece zosan#zosan fanfic#blackleg sanji#zoro x sanji x reader
129 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
baylardo
The attack on Pearl Harbor was a surprise military strike conduc
199jae
paradise
baylardo
The attack on Pearl Harbor was a surprise military strike conduc
cynthiakoh-blog
Untitled
hdjj68
Untitled