#(so yeah - I projected my sleep problems onto Steve)
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Steve wakes up around three or four in the morning almost every night. He’s always careful getting out of bed. Small movements, slow footsteps. Minimal bones cracking. Doesn’t want to wake Eddie. Not that he needs to be this careful because his boyfriend could sleep through several natural disasters (and if someone bothered to wake him in this scenario, he’d put an impotency curse on them or some equally fucked-up shit).
But that’s one of the reasons why they work. Not because of the sad-dick curse thing. They just exist on different sides of the scale. The raging insomniac and the deepest sleeper known to mankind. It balances out in the weirdest possible way.
Still… he’s always careful. Can never be too careful.
Steve doesn’t really do much when he wakes up at this ungodly hour. He sort of walks around their duplex, drinks a glass of water, opens a window to breathe in that pre-sunrise air. It fills his lungs up differently than normal air. At least, it feels like it does.
Like less people are breathing it in. Like he can take up space without feeling selfish. The logic doesn’t really add up but whatever. Concepts like logic and science are overrated at four in the morning.
After another lap around the place, he slides back into the covers, drapes an arm over Eddie’s waist. His t-shirt is rumpled up to his chest, so Steve is met with linen-warm skin. His fingers curve into Eddie’s sides, pulling himself closer.
Steve yawns, breathing out all of his pre-sunrise air. Inhales the scent of his boyfriend instead. Smiles like an idiot into the pillow because it’s totally a fair trade.
And Eddie… well, he doesn’t even budge - doesn’t even stir when Steve settles in next to him. He just continues to wheeze through his nose, mouth slightly open. Not quite a snore, but Steve will probably tease him about it in the morning regardless.
This right here. This makes Steve’s shitty sleep cycle worth it.
The sun pokes through the window blinds. Eddie pokes Steve’s cheek. Too much poking going on for Steve who definitely didn’t get enough sleep, per usual.
“You got up last night.” Eddie mumbles, still lazily poking him.
“How’d you know?”
“Bed felt different.”
Oh. The way Eddie says it. A crash of honesty. His voice sounds weathered, unused from sleeping. Barely awake. It sort of hits Steve’s heart like a crime he didn’t even know he was capable of committing.
Honestly, he doesn’t get why last night would be any different. Steve gets up most nights, not just last night. But Eddie looks particularly wounded by this (new) realization, so Steve probably shouldn’t point that out right now. Maybe in the afternoon when Eddie is more alert. Less… offended.
“Well, I’m back now.” Steve grabs Eddie’s index finger, the one poking him, and places it over his own lips. Bites at it gently till Eddie pulls away in protest. He’s smiling as he swears. Lets out a string of half-hearted threats about how he’s gonna pour Steve’s hair supplies down the sink for such a vicious attack.
It’s a little irresistible when Eddie gets like this. When he’s the pouty one instead of Steve. All he can think to do is reach out, curl his hand underneath Eddie’s chin and pull him in. Eddie moves so easily, gives up his one-sided fight long enough to kiss Steve. Hands running up his back, legs hooking around Steve’s thighs.
Drowsy, morning kisses are so good. So, so good. Their lips feel heavier, their motions feel thicker. Every touch is guided by pure need. Steve fucking needs this, to feel Eddie curving into him, arms framing his own, groaning every damn time they break away. It all makes Steve feel needed too. Needed by the guy who changed the trajectory of his life by asking Steve to ‘hang out or something’ two years ago.
Or Something turned out to be absolutely everything.
“New rule.” Eddie huffs, drags his lips down Steve’s jaw. “For every hour you spend awake during the night, you owe me.”
Steve laughs. “I owe you, huh?”
“Mhmm. You owe me an extra hour of wallowing in bed together in the morning.”
“What about work?”
“The hours will have to rollover, I guess. Accrue interest.” Eddie lifts up from Steve’s neck, eyebrows raised. Clearly having too much fun with this. “We can hash out the details over coffee and burnt toast.”
Typically, Steve would play along, continue the little comedy routine that Eddie starts up. But he’s so damn tired from the lack of sleep and early fucking wake-up call. So instead, he tugs Eddie back down by his collar and whispers, “Whatever you say, baby.”
Because that’s what it boils down to. He’d do anything for Eddie to kiss him this deep, till their lips blister and their jaws ache. Steve would give every fragment of lovesick happiness in his heart, just to hear the way Eddie says his name all breathy and raw.
He can’t say that out loud, dear god no. Eddie would mock his ass into next century. So Steve just hums into Eddie’s mouth, twists the collar of his shirt enough to permanently wrinkle it. They’re verging into that gray area between cable-approved makeout sessions and dry humping till the alarm goes off. If there wasn’t an alarm to worry about, Steve would already have Eddie’s boxers already his ankles and moaning his name the way he likes it best.
Whoever invented alarm clocks are the ultimate boner-killer.
Steve ducks his head into the crook of Eddie’s neck, lays a few quick kisses on top of his shoulder. Hopes that translates to, ‘I wanna suck you off till there’s nothing left, but I’m a boring fucking adult with a boring fucking job.’
The translation must be clear enough because Eddie rolls off of him and heads to the bathroom. Seems just as grumpy about it as Steve. Good. They can be cranky together.
When he comes back out, they get ready for their respective work shifts. Steve looks over, watches Eddie struggle with a tangled portion of his hair, before giving up. Accepting defeat way faster than Steve ever would. “Uh, Eddie?” He tries his best to hide his snickering through the question.
“Yeah?”
“Why does it matter if I wake up sometimes?” Okay. Most times.
“You’re gone.” Eddie shrugs. “Simple as that.”
The reaction is too mellow for Eddie though. Shrugging and dismissiveness? Nah. He’s downplaying the shit out of whatever he’s feeling, and Steve’s not having it.
“What do you mean it’s simple?”
“It’s just… I don’t know. Doesn’t seem fair.” Eddie checks the clock, then sighs. “I want more time.”
More time? More time with Steve or more time in general? Either way, it doesn’t add up. They’re young - they have all the fucking time they could ever want. Also, they live together and have all the same friends. It’s not exactly a logical theory.
Then again, neither is Steve’s ‘pre-sunrise air supply’ theory. None of it makes sense. But at least they’re here. Wanting fresh air and each other. That’s enough logic for a lifetime.
“Hey.” Steve walks over and takes Eddie’s hand. He taps over his ring finger, the one that symbolizes something they can’t have. Not now, not in this society. Still. It means something. So he stares intently at it, rubs over the place where a ring might sit. Thinks that Eddie would pick out something bold. Something gaudy and perfectly him.
More time. Steve gets it, he does. He releases Eddie’s hand and nods. Smiles.
“I’ll steal us as much time as I can, Eddie Munson.”
#steddie#steddie fic#steve harrington#eddie munson#this is the first little thing I've written since submitting my Big Bang draft#it’s a lot softer than my normal stuff but hey#insomnia writing do be like that sometimes#(so yeah - I projected my sleep problems onto Steve)#(and yeah - I projected my tangly hair onto Eddie)#let me liveeeeeeee
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I Miss the Misery Part 2 (Steve X You)
Part One Here
Warnings: Toxic Daddy Stevie (but he wants to be better)/ Slightly Toxic Fem sub reader, SMUT, dirty talk, rough play, daddy kink (cause im me), choking, spanking, degrading, Slight Fluff, she loves him and he loves her but they both struggle with their feelings, ANGST, Jealous Steve AND Reader, Steve gets drunk after a bad experience with his father (he talks about it; elaborated), They both try to verbally hurt each so they say mean things to each other ( they call each other names, bring up past behavior, etc.) , cliff hanger ending!
Word Count: 7058
It had been a couple of weeks since your incident with your ex Steve Harrington. When you came home that night your boyfriend was still up waiting for you. You talked things through like any normal couple would and that night you both went to bed happy. Well, he did. You laid there for hours replaying the nights events in your head.
You could still feel Steve’s hands on your hips where he clung to you as he thrust his big, thick cock into you roughly till your eyes rolled back. You could still hear his grunts and pants warming your ear as his sweaty body fell on top of yours.
But more than anything, you kept going back to the conversation after.
“Yeah, well, if we’re toxic then I’d rather go down with you than anyone else.”
“I just kept wishing they were you.”
“I feel like we can make this work.”
You had always believed the two of you could make your relationship work but the problem always was that he could never commit to it. He had you for two years in high school and he, quite literally, let you slip away. It wasn’t fair to you for him to think he could just show up one day and you’d drop everything to be with him especially when you knew it would end badly.
A strong hand reached out from the darkness of an open door and yanked you into the room before slamming it shut.
“What’s this I’m hearing about you going on a date with Ben Lomax?”, Steve asked sternly as he glared down at you.
“Well, hello to you to, Harrington. I hope you had a good weekend.”
“Don’t play with me, Y/N.”
“What do you care? We’re not dating right? I can go out with whoever I want to.”
Butterflies flutter in your stomach as you watch his jealously rise. You liked amping him up like this so he’d take what’s his.
“You’re mine, little girl.”
“Then claim me, Daddy. Make me yours.”
It felt so good having him take control the way he did even though you knew it wasn’t healthy. No… you couldn’t allow him to win this time. This time you needed to do what was right for you and Jacob. Rolling over onto your side, you wrapped your arms around his torso and pressed your face into his back, clinging to normality tightly as you finally drifted off to sleep.
***
“Hey, baby.”, your boyfriend grinned as you sat beside him at his desk and he handed you some items in a grocery bag. “Thank you for coming by. You know how my mom is. I’d give her back these things myself but this project…”
“I know, honey. You’ve been working really hard.”, you reply encouragingly as you softly smile.
The smell of his cologne hit you before the sound of his voice. Glancing down the hallway, you watched as Steve argued with someone over the phone as he sauntered confidently towards you both. Your body and attitude prepared for the battle that was sure to come but to your surprise he walked right past you as if you weren’t there. After angrily hanging up his phone, his face changed to a much softer demeanor as he grinned, opening his arms wide as a blond young lady eagerly jumped into them.
“That’s Mr. Harrington’s new girlfriend I hear.”, Jacob whispers. “She’s a lot younger than him but I guess that’s expected when you have all the money in the world.”
You hadn’t heard a word he said, the fury bubbling in your stomach up to your chest.
“I can play this game better.”
Fucking asshole. He wants to pretend I’m not here and try to make me jealous, go ahead! I’m not the same girl I was in high school. This won’t work.
“Baby? Are you ok?”
“Hm? Yeah, sweetheart. I’m fine, just tired.”
“I understand. Hey, tonight we’re meeting at the bar downtown. It’s just going to be the team here. Would you want to go?”
Shifting you gaze their way again, you watched as Steve beamed down at the girl before tenderly kissing her lips.
“Yeah, I think that sounds fun.”
########
“So Y/N, how is the new book coming along?”, Jacob’s coworker asked as you took a sip from the alcohol in your glass.
“Good, thank you. I’m having some writers block but it’s not a big deal. Not as big a deal as what you guys have been working on.”
“Yeah, thankfully we’re almost near the end.”, another girl at the table sighs. “Mr. Harrington has really helped us out. He’s been buying us lunch for the office every day.”
“And letting us leave early on Fridays so we can have a bit of a break. He stays in the office to make up the time.”
You couldn’t help but smile at their praise. Steve had always been a complete asshole but even during your relationship with him you saw the compassion and kindness that hid under the snark.
“Y/N? Honey, are you alright?”, he cooed as he sat on the bench beside you. His long fingers tenderly reached out to dry the tears that were still falling down your cheeks.
“I’m fine, Steve. You don’t have to…”, you tried to dismiss him as you waved your hand.
“I know I don’t have to. You know me. You know I don’t do anything I don’t want to.” Steve firmly grabbed your wrists and turned your body to face him a bit more. “Now, what’s going on, babe?”
“My, uh, my grandfather died.”
At your revelation, you began to cry harder and he collected you in his arms, pressing your head to his chest.
“Shit, Y/N. I’m so sorry. I know you two were really close. Everything’s ok, pretty girl. I’m right here.”
“Speak of the devil…Mr. Harrington! Hey! Why don’t you come sit with us?!”, one of Jacob’s friends shouted bringing you back to reality.
Steve Harrington was the devil indeed with how delicious he looked dressed in his jeans and black button up shirt. His signature smile blinded the table as he grabbed his dates arm and headed towards you.
“Hey guys. You don’t have to invite me. I’m sure you’re tired of dealing me for 40+ hours a week already.”
“Oh, come on. Join us. It’s no problem at all.”
The sound of your glass slamming into the table startled everyone including Steve as he finally gave you his attention.
“Yeah, Steven. Not a problem at all. Take a seat.”
His head ticked to the side in amusement before taking a seat and pulling his date onto his lap making you cringe in annoyance.
“Y/N apparently went to school with Mr. Harrington here.”, Jacob explained to his coworkers who were still fairly wide eyed at the way you addressed him.
“That’s pretty cool. You two were friends?”
“Nope. Hardly even knew each other. Right, Harrington?”, you sassed.
Turning away from you, he focused on the original question.
“I wouldn’t say friends. We definitely knew of each other. Everyone in Hawkins did with it being a small town and all.”
Throughout the rest of the night, you constantly fumed in his direction every time he opened his mouth. His hands constantly roamed his date’s skin driving you insane every time she would lean back and nuzzle her face into his neck. In retaliation you tried to do the same with Jacob but you knew that was a lost cause because he wasn’t very keen on the PDA.
You drank more and more until the world around you got hazy.
“How long have you two been together?”, someone asked as they gestured towards him and his date.
“Um, about two weeks I believe.”
“Hm. About how long she’s been in the world.”, you hiccupped as you knocked back a shot on the table. “I mean…look at you, Barbie. You’re basically a fetus.”
“Y/N.”, Jacob whispered. “That was rude.”
“No, no Jacob. It’s ok. I see she hasn’t changed much. Y/N here had kind of a reputation for being bratty at school.”
“And Steve Harrington had a reputation for being a man slut.”
“Alright, I think we’re going to go home. Come on, babe.”, you boyfriend said sternly, gripping your arm.
“How about you guys come to my house? It’s a lot closer and you can get her to bed so she can sober up.”, Steve replied casually.
“Oh, Mr. Harrington, we couldn’t impose.”
“I insist. Come on, honey.”, he grins as he slaps the girl’s ass playfully. “It was nice spending time with you guys. Jacob, just follow me.”
***
It took you awhile to catch your bearings when your groggy eyes opened and you realized you weren’t at home.
“Jacob?”
Glancing beside you, you noticed his peacefully sleeping frame beside you so you left him be as you got up to find a bathroom. Wherever you were it was a very nice place with the updated furnishings and new home smell.
It took you a moment to find a bathroom but after you did, you shut the door and ran the cool water over you face.
What happened last night? I remember Steve showing up at the bar…a dizzying car ride…lips on mine…angry eyes. Maybe Jacob was upset for how I behaved. I need to make it up to him. He doesn’t deserve me acting like a drunk fool in front of his friends.
Sighing, you opened the door to head back to bed but was met with a strong hand around your throat pushing you backwards into the bathroom and closing the door.
“Are we sober now, little girl? Good because I really want this to sink in.”, Steve growled as his face hovered above yours. “If you ever disrespect me like that again I’ll throw you over my knee and spank you till you can’t handle it. I don’t care where we are or if your fucking boyfriend is in the room. Do I make myself clear?”
“What…what…I don’t remember…”
“You don’t…don’t…remember?”, he mocked. “Well, let me refresh your memory. I told your idiot boyfriend to bring you back to my house so you could rest because you were insulting my girlfriend and embarrassing yourself in front of his coworkers. When we got here, I showed him my spare rooms and left you guys alone. While I was getting ready for bed myself, the door was open and you were on your fucking knees IN MY HOUSE sucking another man’s dick AND CALLING HIM DADDY!”, Steve scolded roughly in your ear through clenched teeth.
Finally gathering your faculties, you pushed at his chest causing him to release you but only long enough to invade your space again as his face hovered just above your own.
“I’M your Daddy.”
“Not anymore.”
“Oh? Did you also forget that you showed up at my office two weeks ago begging for my cock and calling me Daddy? Or was that some other pathetic little girl?”
“I wouldn’t be surprised with how many women you’ve fucked in your lifetime.”
“Said the whore. Let’s not forget how many guys you were with in Hawkins.”
“I wasn’t with anyone! I went on dates but the only person I ever fucked was you!”
“Yeah right. Do you expect me to believe that? Hell, you cheated on your boyfriend with me!”
“Like it matters if you believe me or not. Technically I was single in school. You couldn’t bother to be seen with me because I was fucking poor. Jesus. You say I’m pathetic but the truth is you are; a pathetic little daddy’s boy. Couldn’t even start or find a company of your own. You had to play sloppy seconds to his business!”
Steve’s palm covered your mouth roughly as he pushed you forcefully against the wall. His breathing became erratic as he heavily panted trying to control his temper. His eyes stared daggers into yours for what felt like forever till something in the air snapped and he replaced his hand with his lips.
It was a rough kiss fueled by anger and you felt your pussy flutter at the notion. Riled up Steve was always one of your favorite versions of him because he claimed what was his in the best way possible. This is what you wanted. You wanted him to realize that he hated the idea of you not being his and fought to have you by his side. The problem was he did claim you but never truly made you his.
Your arms pushed at his chest but his grip tightened as he held your wrists to your sides. Moving them to one hand, he utilized his now free palm to smack you before grabbing your cheeks with his fingers.
“Do you want to stop? Say the word and we’ll stop.”, he growled. “Answer me.”
“No.”
“No what?”
“No, I don’t want you to stop.”
“I didn’t think so.”
Aggressively, he turned you around and pushed your body against the sink as he moved aside your panties while freeing his cock from his boxers. After spitting into his hand and stroking it along his shaft, you both groaned as he guided himself into you promptly setting a rough pace.
“Baby?”
Your eyes widen at the sound of your boyfriend’s voice on the other side of the bathroom door and you see Steve smirk from his reflection in the mirror.
“Y-Yeah?”
“Are you ok? I woke up and you weren’t there.”
The man inside you slowed his rhythm, dragging his length pleasantly along your tight walls before slamming himself back into your pussy making your eyes roll as your nails dug into the arm he had around your stomach.
“I-I’m okay, Jacob. Ahhh… I’ll be right there, sweetheart.”
“Yeah, you will, baby girl. You’ll—mmm—crawl back in beside him full of my cum like the fucking whore you are.”, Steve whispers, his lips attaching to your neck as your head falls against his shoulder.
“Okay. Are you sure you’re all right?”
Picking up his pace again, his cock overwhelmed your senses as you tried to control yourself from screaming his name.
“YES! I’m fine. I’ll be right there!”
“Alright, honey. I love you.”
Steve’s eyes met yours in the mirror, softening slightly when he saw pain flash through them.
“I love you to.”
He knew you weren’t saying it to your boyfriend but to him, however, Jacob thinking your love was meant for him infuriated Steve as he spanked your ass hard before wrapping both arms around you to hold you still as he slammed his lower half into your own.
“Who’s your Daddy, little girl?”
“You are, Steve, please.”
“Say it again so I know you fucking understand.”
“You are, Daddy. Please. Let me cum. I’ll—fuck—I’ll be a good girl. I promise.”
“No you won’t but that’s ok. I don’t mind putting you in your place.”
As his fingers find their way to your clit, you bite your bottom lip to stifle the loud moan that wants to break free. Placing your arms and hands over his own, you cling to him as your body trembles and you cum hard around him. His rhythm falters and you hear him grunt in your ear before you feel his release spill inside of you.
Steve pants as his softening cock pulls out of your aching hole and tucks himself back into his boxers as he takes a seat on the edge of the tub. Maybe it was the headspace you were still in or just seeing him look so upset hit that soft spot in your heart but you couldn’t help it when you lowered yourself to your knees and crawled to his side, placing your head on his thigh as you hugged his legs.
“I’m sorry I called him Daddy.”
His large palm reached out to pet your head making you sigh as you closed your eyes.
“No, you’re not. Yeah you were drunk but your subconscious definitely wanted to hurt me and that would be the way to do it. It’s not like I didn’t do the same thing by bringing a young, beautiful girl around. I knew she’d piss you off.”
“Why do we have to be this way to each other, Steve?”
“I think the real question, sweetheart, is why do we like it?”
“Why do I like it so much with you?”, you whisper. As your tears begin to fall, he leans down to collect you in his arms and places you on his lap. “I tried, whatever the fuck this is, with other men and every time I got hurt. They were you times 10. Then I met Jacob and—”
“He’s the exact opposite.”
“And not in a good way.”, you sigh as you caress his face with your palm. “Steve, I didn’t have sex with anyone else when we were in school. The first time I was every with someone who wasn’t you was after I left. I hated it… he was too rough and almost every conversation we had was a fight.” Turning his face towards you, you tenderly kiss his forehead. “I swear, I never called any of them Daddy. They would beg me to but it always felt wrong. Only you ever knew how to take care of me like that. I just wish you could have taken care of me in every other way.”
After softly kissing his lips, you crawled off his lap and headed back to bed to curl up in your boyfriend’s arms that you wished were Steve’s.
##################
Another week went by in uneventful domestic bliss as you continued to be the best girlfriend you could. Today Jacob and his coworkers were celebrating finishing the project they had been working on with a camping trip up north. He had invited you to come along but after what happened you thought it best to stay put. You also weren’t really a fan of sleeping outdoors without AC but you kept that little tidbit to yourself.
You utilized the alone time to work on your novel and get things done around the house but after a couple of hours, you found yourself extremely bored. Throwing on your jacket and grabbing your keys, you headed to a bar down the way ordering the strongest drink you could think of.
Once again, the smell caught your attention first before the snarky laugh that followed.
“Of course. Of course. Of fucking course, YOU of all people would be here.”, Steve giggled drunkenly as he knocked back his beverage and signaled the bartender for a refill.
He looked completely disheveled, his hair a mess due to his fingers running frustratingly through it. The suit jacket he had worn was hanging on the back of the chair while his white button up shirt was untucked and the sleeves were rolled up to his elbows.
“Steve? What happened?”
“Like you care.”
You should have walked away; left him there to wallow by himself but this nagging in your stomach wouldn’t allow you to as your worry for him took control.
“I do care. Come on, Steve, talk to me.”
Spinning in his seat, he leaned his side obnoxiously over the bar as his glassy eyes met yours.
“What happened. Hm…Y/N wants to know what the fuck happened. Well, we finished our project at work today. Managed to sign a huge fucking client worth millions! But does that impress my father? Oh, no. Fucker has to fly up here just to berate me and scold me on what we need to do next. This isn’t my first day on the job. I’ve watched that asshole work my entire life and he can’t even let go for one God damn second to see I did something good!”
“You’re right. I remember he was always hard on you. I saw him scream at you once after a game even though the team won and you made the most points. He said you didn’t try hard enough.” He nods at the memory, chugging the content of the glass and again asking for more. You discreetly signaled to the bartender that this was the last one as you focus your attention back on the broken man in front of you. “I hope you know he’s wrong. I know how hard you worked on this.”
“Yup. I know, Y/N. I’m not a fucking idiot. Why are you even here? I’m toxic remember?”
“You are but that doesn’t mean I want anything bad to happen to you. Let me take you home.”
“Fuck you. I can fucking take myself home.”, he growls, finishing the last of his beverage.
“Ok. Can you at least text me and let me know you got home safely?”
After rubbing his shoulder comfortingly, you put on your jacket and pay for your drink but as you turn to leave, a warm palm abruptly grabs your wrist.
“Y/N, um… C-Can you come home with me? I promise I won’t make a move or anything. I just… don’t want to be alone.”
***
“Oh shit!”, he laughs as he falls through the door after turning the key.
“Where’s your girlfriend tonight?”, you ask as you guide him towards his bedroom, holding his waist as he stumbles from side to side.
“Girlfriend? Oh, you mean Barbie?”
“That’s not really her name is it?”
Steve snorts as he chuckles, throwing himself onto the mattress and throwing his arm over his eyes.
“No…it’s, um, Tiffany. No, Erica…Fuck, I don’t know. I haven’t seen her since you and your idiot spent the night.”
After you flashed him a sassy smirk he didn’t see, you began getting him ready for bed starting with his shoes. You thought he had finally passed out but when you grabbed his arm to take off his watch and class ring from college, his eyes opened, and he tilted his head to watch you.
“Where can I put these?”, you murmur with a soft smile.
Silently, he gestures towards the bedside table and you reach for the drawer to delicately place them inside. Something catches your eye, however, as you pull out a well, worn picture of the two of you in high school. Steve rarely ever took photos with you back then. Nothing the two of you ever did was ever genuinely photo worthy since you two were sneaking around most of the time. When this image was taken, you were supposed to take pictures for a class project and brought the camera with you to his house after your photoshoot with your group.
“Why do you have a camera? I thought you wanted to be a writer.”, he asks after noticing it in your bag and taking it out.
“Oh, so you ARE listening to me when I talk?”
“A ha ha. You’re so funny, Y/N.”
“It’s for a class project we’re working on.”, you giggle.
“Is the project sexy basketball captains?”, Steve joked as he held the device high in the air away from your reach. “Handsome Men at Hawkins High? Oh! Or Gods in Bed?”
“No. It’s a project about Hawkins jerks who steal stuff and are TERRIBLE in bed.”
You playfully tackle him onto the mattress and lightly wrestle with him till he has both arms around you with your face against his chest. Gently tugging your hair, his lips land on your forehead before traveling down to your own for a tender kiss.
Holding his arm high above you both, he presses his cheek to your own as you both smile and the flash blinds your eyes.
“Where did you get this?”, you whisper as he bends towards you and squints his eyes at the image.
“Ummmm… stole it from your room…snuck in.”, Steve sighs as he rolls onto his back and closes his eyes. “You were…gone…vanish from…Hawkins.”
Swallowing the lump in your throat, you turn off his bed side lamp but as you begin to stand, his slurred voice fills your ears.
“Please don’t go…”
Grabbing a throw blanket, you toss it over you both as you curl up into his side and rest your palm on his chest, letting the comforting rhythm of his breathing lull you to sleep.
############
The feeling of lips on your shoulder causes your eyes to flutter open.
You had rolled over in the night and were currently facing Steve’s bland, gray bedroom wall as soft hands roamed your skin. Pretending to still be asleep, you melted into his touch as you pushed your back into his chest. Fingers gently caressed your stomach and up your shirt as his mouth continued to travel towards your neck.
Quickly moving some of your hair away from your face, Steve kissed your cheek as his palm massaged your breasts briefly before gliding back down to your stomach. You could feel his eyes watching you as you subtly moaned, the bulge in his slacks pressing against your clothed ass.
You allowed your lower half to grind against him as his groan grumbled low in your ear. Moving one of his arms above your head, you reached up to intertwine your fingers with his as his other hand slipped through the waistband of your pants and under your panties.
“Daddy.”, you panted as he guided his middle and ring fingers inside of your core.
Steve didn’t respond verbally, his teeth gently grazing your earlobe as he rolled his hips against you matching the pace of his digits.
“Fuck, yes. Please… Talk to me, baby.”, you beg.
Again, he doesn’t answer, releasing your hand to wrap his arm around your chest and hold you to him as he moved his fingers so fast between your legs that the sound of your slick filled the room.
Your body trembles against his as the dam breaks and your nails dig into his skin as you cum.
Rolling over on to your back, your eyes try to find his but he hastily diverts them as he focuses on pulling down your pants. Gripping his chin, you force him to look at you.
“Talk to me, baby.”, you repeat.
“Why are you here?”
His question genuinely threw you off as you scanned his face searching for a reason.
“You asked me to. You said you didn’t want to be alone.”
“Yeah but WHY are you here, Y/N? You left me, you have a boyfriend, you think I’m a bad person yet you’re here.”
“I thought you wanted to be with me. That’s why you said what you said a few weeks ago. Why do you care? I’m just the girl you fuck to feel better right? RIGHT?!”
“THAT’S RIGHT!”, Steve shouts but even he realizes he sounds insincere. “You should go home.”
“What if I don’t want to go home.”
“I wasn’t asking. Get your shit and get out of my house.”
“No.”
Angrily, he rolled out of bed and grabbed your ankle, tugging you to the edge of the bed. Before he could take hold of your arm to lift you, you smacked his cheek blind siding him as you ran out of the bedroom and towards a guest room with the intent of shutting him out.
Steve was much faster than you, wrapping his arm around your waist and lifting you off your feet as he carried you down the hall towards the stairs.
“Why do you do this, Steve?! Why do you push me away?!”
“Because, little girl, like you said, I’m toxic. I’m just like my father and I’m sorry to say, honey, you aren’t at the level of my mother. You’re the side piece trash my dad throws out when he’s done.”
As soon as he reaches the bottom step, you take hold of the banister and manage to wiggle out of his hold, running towards the kitchen to allow for the barrier of the island between you two.
“Said the man who has a picture of me in his nightstand. It seemed pretty worn too, Harrington. How long have you had it? How many times have you taken it out to look at over the years?”
“I look at it when I need a reminder of how low I sunk when it came to women back then. Thankfully I do much better now.”
“Oh yeah? Like Barbie? Wait, I mean Tiffany…Erica?”, you snicker sarcastically. “Couldn’t even bother to remember her name. Do you remember any of their names? Hell, was I the longest ‘relationship’ you had?!”
He lunges to the side but you duck out of the way just in time as you move around the island.
“Oh shit, Steven. I was wasn’t I? Even in school you had all these women at your side but they were never yours. Why is that? Because if you had been in a real relationship, I never would have continued whatever the fuck we had. Didn’t have the balls to?”
You watch his face with immense satisfaction as his eyes get darker, filling with even more fury.
“And that’s what pisses you off the most, huh? You say I’m the side piece but the fact of the matter is you are… and that scares you. I could throw you away just like your dad did to his whores… just like he does with you… Yet instead of standing up for yourself and claiming me; proving to me you can be a good man; you act like a child. You couldn’t even tell your daddy to fuck off which is why you went to the bar to get wasted.”
Shaking your head, you size him up and down with your eyes in disgust.
“You’re not my Daddy, little boy.”
The calmness that washed over his face frighted you a bit, signaling to you that you needed to tread carefully. You had only ever seen him this way once before back in high school…the first time.
“Steve?”
“Jesus fucking Christ. What the fuck do you want?!”, the boy growls from his place on the bleachers in the now empty gymnasium.
“I don’t mean to bother you. I don’t know if you remember me but we have a couple of classes together—”
“Wonderful. Go away.”
His gruff tone shakes you a bit but you were determined to say what you wanted to say.
“Ok. I, um, I just wanted to tell you that I heard what your parents…your dad… said and I just wanted you to know that…he’s wrong. I think you did amazing out there tonight. Honestly, I think you do awesome every game but…”
The jock’s angry yes shoot up to look at you as he scans you over.
“Yeah. Thanks…”
“Y/N. No problem. I’ll, uh, I’ll leave you be now.”
Reaching out abruptly, his hand grips your wrist and yanks you in one motion on to his lap so you were straddling his waist facing him. You should have gasped and hit him, called him a pervert or asshole, and immediately got away from him but the way he was looking up at you with those heart broken eyes…
“You’re a very nice pretty girl, aren’t you?” You blushed at his calm, seductive tone as your hands balanced yourself on his shoulders. “Can I return the favor?”
He fucked you right there on the bleachers not caring if any one saw either of you or if you were embarrassed by someone walking in and catching you two. Steve used you till he was spent and he wasn’t gentle by any means. You loved it and he knew it as he smirked up or down at you every time you came.
He didn’t chase you this time as you left the kitchen and ran down the hall. You didn’t know why until the man rounded a sudden corner and wrapped his palm around your throat. Pushing you backwards, he guided you towards the sofa before taking a seat and hurling your front half over his lap.
You squirmed as he held you down, yelping when his hand came down hard on your behind.
“It’s been too long since you’ve been punished properly, little girl. Between the disrespect, attitude, and being a little whore, I think it’s time I put you in your place.” You wiggled against his hold but he was firm as one of his arms pressed into your shoulder blades. “Stop moving!”, Steve shouted as his hand came down harder than before.
“Ow…Steve…”
You yelped as his palm came down again a couple more times.
“It seems, Y/N, that you keep forgetting who I am but don’t worry. We’ll make sure it sticks this time. If this is the only way to get through to you, so be it.”
“Steve…please…OW!”, you whine when he spanks you again.
“Don’t act like this isn’t turning you on. I bet if we pull off these panties, you’d be dripping like the little disobedient slut you are.”
After hitting you again, he yanks down your underwear making you groan as he slides his finger through your slick.
“See? Didn’t I just make you cum? Look how wet you are. I told you before, honey. Pissing each other off is the shit that really gets us going.”
Minutes passed but it felt like hours as he continued to spank you turning you into a sobbing mess. Your ass was extremely sore and marked up enough that you would need to come up with an excuse if Jacob saw them.
“Steve, please…”, you begged. “How many more?”
“However…many…more…it…takes!”, he shouted near your ear as he hit your behind between each word. “Who am I, Y/N?”
Circling his thumb along your clit, he didn’t allow you a moment to breathe as he built you up and your brain blanked.
“Answer me, little girl!”
“DADDY! You’re Daddy, Steve.”
“Damn right. I’m not some side piece you throw away. I’m fucking Daddy.”, he growled. “People like you and my parents think I’m nothing but I’m NOT. Women scream my name almost every night. I’m the CEO of a huge firm. I make a ton of fucking money. Why isn’t that enough, huh?!”
As his palm connected with your red, bruised skin, you came drenching his lap with your arousal. His chest rose and fell in heavy breaths as he tried to calm down, Steve’s gaze shifting to you when he heard your small sniffles.
As carefully as he could, he lifted you up and turned you around till you were sitting properly on his lap with your face in the nook near his shoulder. While you continued to cry, his hands massaged your arms while he tenderly played with your hair.
“What color are you at right now, honey?”
One of your arms rose to circle around his neck as you softly kissed his skin.
“Green, Daddy.”, you whisper.
Steve curtly nodded as his eyes remained forward while he continued to pet your head, allowing you time to come back down.
“Are you ok?”, he asked in a tone you had never heard from him before. He sounded almost…afraid. Lifting your head, your palm reaches for his cheek and turns his face so his eyes can meet yours. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to cross a line. I didn’t mean to…hurt you.”
Placing your forehead on his, he sighs as your fingertips run along the slight stubble over his chin and up to his lips.
“I don’t mind you hurting me.”
“You’re not supposed to lie to me, baby girl, remember?”, he smirks as a breathy laugh escapes his chest. “You like when I’m rough with you in bed. You like pushing me to rile me up just like I do with you to see if you will because I know you’re a fucking brat.”
Steve’s grin grows as you blush, knowing he’s telling the truth.
“The problem is you and I don’t know where the line is. It always seeped out into our day to day and into my insecurities. That’s what you don’t like. You don’t like me using you and breaking your heart. Just like I don’t like watching you cry. Not like this anyway.”
Lifting you into his arms, he carried you back to his bedroom and into the bathroom where you marveled at his massive clawfoot tub. After getting the bath ready, he holds your hand as he guides you but you pause before you sit.
“Will you sit with me, Daddy?”
“Yeah, honey, I can do that.”
After waiting patiently for him to disrobe, you allow him to climb in behind you and take a seat as you lean against his chest. His large palms run along your shoulders and down your arms making you sigh as you tilt back to kiss his cheek.
“You were always enough for me, Steve Harrington.” His eyes meet your own as you continue. “The problem was I was never enough for you.”
“Y/N, I’m moving to New York.” Your eyes widen as move away from him and scan his face for lies. “I was only supposed to be here for this project and then run the company as a whole from over there. I…I never expected to see you again. I…”, he pauses as he tries to collect his thoughts. “I want you to come with me.”
“Steve…I can’t…”
“Yes you can. I feel like we can work on this if we can be together. I know we can learn the line and just keep this in the bedroom without going too far and being toxic.”
“We had so many more problems than you being jealous and screaming things at me.”
“Y/N, I don’t want anyone else. I’m not the same guy I was. I won’t cheat. I won’t hurt you. I’ll claim you… I DO claim you. You’re mine, baby.”
“You just told me an hour ago that I’m just the girl you fuck and I should get the fuck out of your house.”
“I’m not perfect. Truth be told, like you said, I AM afraid of losing you again so I lashed out. I didn’t mean what I said.”
“I don’t believe you.”, you whisper.
“Then why are you here?”
“You said—”
“No. You’re your own woman with your own free will. You still could have gone home. You still love me and I love you, sweetheart…so fucking much.”
His arms wrapped around you, hugging you to him as you began to disassociate. You did still love him; you always had even after you left but you left for a reason. You stayed away for a reason. If you and he were having this discussion 5 years ago you would know immediately that he was just doing whatever he could to appease you without really hearing you and hurt you again a few weeks later. What killed you was if this was 5 years ago and he said he was moving you would have said yes without thinking.
Now you were overthinking and fear was taking over.
What if things just went back to the way they were? He seems sincere but a lot of his behavior has been the same. But he said he wanted to work on that and with me. Steve said he was finally ready to claim me and that he loved me…
But what about Jacob? He’s been such a caring and patient good man. I can’t hurt him like this especially if there’s a chance Steve could hurt me again.
You should have voiced your concerns to him and talked about it like adults. You should have sat on his couch and heard out his plans for success when it came to your relationship together. You should have listened and expressed everything you needed to but you didn’t.
“You knew what this was…”
Steve’s entire demeanor stiffened as you whispered the words he screamed at you the night before you left.
“I’m sorry, Y/N. I didn’t quite catch that. Do you have the balls to say it louder?”
Rising to your feet, you grabbed a nearby towel, wincing when it grazed your behind as you wrapped it around your body.
“I said you knew what this was. It’s not my fault you caught feelings.”
He laughed to himself as he climbed out of the tub allowing the water to drench his bathroom as he headed for the bedroom.
“Keeping going, honey. But really twist the knife and make it hurt. That’s what it will take for what you’re doing to work.” Grabbing your clothes off the floor, he tossed them in your direction as your eyes narrowed. “You’re trying to hurt me, right? To push me away because you’re scared of actually taking that leap and giving me a chance?”
Your glassy eyes shifted away from him as you threw your shirt over your head and pulled on your underwear.
“Because that’s what I did.” You froze as he continued, slowly moving your way as he spoke. “Why do you think I fucked Lori that night? Y/N, you told me you loved me and it scared the hell out of me. I was a popular, rich, Harrington… I was supposed to become my father. I was supposed to cheat, run a business, and make a ton of money by any means necessary.”
Stopping at your side, his fingers gripped your chin forcing you to turn and look at him.
“All I wanted to do was run away with you… but I panicked and hurt you instead causing you to run away without me. Y/N, I knew I fucked up when I climbed through your window and you were gone. I lost the one person that actually gave a damn about me and who I genuinely cared about. I’d like another chance and I promise you won’t regret it.”
“I already do.”, you murmured as you buttoned your jeans and began walking down his stairs towards his front door.
“Oh, Y/N?”, he called nonchalantly.
“What, Steven!?”, you shout as you glare up at his still naked frame leaning over the second-floor banister.
“You forgot your phone.”, he says calmly flashing you the screen that was currently illuminating a picture of you and your boyfriend as his call came through. Panic flowed through your entire body as his thumb moved the green dot.
“Y/N’s phone, this is Steve Harrington.”
####################
@daysinthephoenix @sophiejayne-illustrations713 @livosssblog
#steve harrington#joe keery#stranger things#steve harrington smut#steve harrington stranger things#steve harrington angst#joe keery smut#joe keery fanfiction#stranger things fanfiction#toxic!steve harrington#mean steve#fan fiction#steve harrington x you#steve harrington x reader#steve harrington x y/n smut#spotify#Spotify
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All I Need is You
Pairing: Loki x reader
Summary: You do so much for everyone else and so little for yourself that when you almost collapse, Loki finally gets you to agree to let him take care of you.
Warnings: the reader skips some meals; a lot of fluff
A/N: Its really just Loki taking care of you. But please remember to take care of yourselves too everyone!! Hope you enjoy :)
Permanent Tag List: @lucywrites02 @frostedficrecs @lunarmoon8 @twhiddlestonsstuff @lokistan @lowkeyorlokificrecs @gaitwae @whatafuckingdumbass @castiels-majestic-wings @kozkaboi @cozy-the-overlord @birdgirl90 @myraiswack @mythicalgarlicknot @what-a-flammable-heart @marvelouslovely @laurenandloki @fallinallinmendes @sophlubbwriting @mooncat163 @lokislittlesigyn @wolfish-trickster
Disclaimer: Gif not mine
Loki was watching you even more carefully than normal these days. Yes, you’d caught his eye even on your first day in the Tower back when you were just a new recruit, a SHIELD agent with some kind of sixth sense that let you anticipate things, recently transferred to the Avengers Tower. Even now no one was entirely sure if it was a power or just an uncanny knack you had that made you extremely good at your job. Regardless, the trickster god could see how the ability had shaped you.
You’d only been in the Tower a week when you’d started running errands all over the city, offering things to people before they could even think they needed it themselves, then going to pick it up for them. Loki had declined the offer after hearing all the places you were already going. He’d hoped it was a fluke, that you wouldn’t make it a habit of taking care of everyone. Not that it was inherently bad, he just knew how tiring it could be to please everyone, worried that you would burn out. Of course, you had kept doing it, and his worries turned out to be justified.
“Darling, are you going out again?” Loki asked as you passed his seat in the common room on your way to the elevator. He set his book down, frowning. “Did you not just go yesterday? Unless, of course, this time it is for you. Then by all means, please be on your way.”
“No... It’s just Steve and Bucky were talking about some cereals they used to like and we don’t have any in the Tower so...” you trailed off, shuffling your feet.
“And can they not wait for it until the next scheduled trip to the supermarket?”
“Well, yeah, they said they could. But I don’t mind.”
Loki stood and sighed, walking over to you. Gently, so you didn’t have to comply if you didn’t want to, Loki lifted your chin to look at him. You looked tired. Admirable as it was that you wanted to do things for others, you needed a rest day.
“And tell me, darling, when was the last time you did something for yourself?” He waited a moment for an answer, but was met with silence. “What about that drawing you started two months ago? Have you worked on that more?”
“It wasn’t any good, anyway,” you shrugged. “I’ve been busy.”
“It was wonderful,” he reassured you. “What about eating, though? Have you eaten today?”
“I... I had a mint.”
“That does not count.” Now he was outright worried. You did this every once in a while, saying you just got so caught up in other things, you forgot to eat. Whatever the reason, it troubled Loki. “You have had some water at least? You know what, do not answer. I am sure I know already. Just wait here a moment.”
You waited by the lift as Loki padded to the kitchen, searching for a water bottle. The problem went beyond just these shopping trips. Sometimes when Tony or Bruce got stuck on one of their projects, you’d pore over books and blueprints for hours, searching for the answer, losing sleep. Then other times, you took it upon yourself to plan events for the team. It was more than a simple, casual invitation. No, it usually involved at least three days of extensive planning. Everyone enjoyed them and was appreciative, needing a break from their day-to-day lives, but it just took up more of your time and brainpower. Pile that onto your own training and missions, it was enough to wear anyone out.
But what he both loved and hated the most was how you’d always be there to talk. Not just for him, but for everyone. And not merely a laid-back chat, either. No, they were practically therapy sessions. Again, just like all the other things you did, that would be all fine and good, except for the fact you never talked about your own issues. You just did so much for everyone else and practically nothing for yourself, even something so basic as remembering to eat, that it broke Loki’s heart a little more every day.
“Here,” he said, handing you the plastic bottle. “But I am coming with you.”
Smiling brightly, you led the way out into the city streets. You chatted as you went about your task, and Loki was yet to take his eyes off of you. It wasn’t until you started the journey back, however, that he began to grow worried. You hadn’t taken even the smallest sip of the water he’d fetched for you, and on this hot day, it was clearly taking its toll. You stumbled a little, suddenly looking more out of it than Loki could stand. He gently gripped your arm to steady you and led you to a bench. Grabbing the water out of your backpack, Loki uncapped it and held the bottle to your lips.
“Drink,” he ordered, but with kindness in his tone.
One of your hands that was gripping the bench a bit too tightly in an attempt to ground your dizzy mind came up to take the bottle from him. Complying, you downed nearly half the bottle in one gulp. It seemed that was a mistake as your empty stomach gargled, rebelling against the sudden intake. Loki rubbed large circles on your back while you scrunched your eyes closed, breathing deeply as you tried to force yourself to feel better.
“Are you alright, darling?” Loki asked when you felt well enough to take another few small sips. You nodded your head, eyes still closed. “Now do you see why it is important to take care of yourself? Will you please get some rest this afternoon?”
“I’m fine, really. Don’t worry, I-”
“That is madness!” Both Loki and you flinched at his sudden increase in volume. He removed his hand from your back, feeling unworthy to make contact with you after snapping like that. You were his friend, and he was yelling at you for something like this? It made him disappointed in himself. He sighed. “Listen, I am sorry. All I mean is I care about you. I do not like to see you like this. It is not healthy, and I believe you know that.”
You opened your eyes, blinking at him. “You-you care about me?”
Loki felt heat flood to his cheeks as he realized that he had, in fact, said that. “I do. So will you please let me take care of you?”
You bit your lip for a minute. “I will,” you sighed, giving in.
Satisfied, Loki coaxed you into accepting a piggyback ride the rest of the way home. You placed your forehead in the crook of his neck, enjoying his cool skin against yours, which was noticeably overheating. He quickly tossed the grocery bags of cereal onto the counter and brought you to your room, your own little pocket of the world that you trusted Loki enough to share with him if even for a moment. Laying you down on your bed, he told you to rest for a minute, lips placing a ghost of a kiss on your forehead.
The god moved to your bathroom, looking for what he needed. After preparing a bubble bath with nice, cool water, Loki left you to sink into it with only the order to relax. While you did, he hurried to prepare you a light meal, something that wouldn’t upset your stomach. When you padded out of the bathroom in the soft pajamas Loki had left for you and saw the meal on a tray on your bedside table, a smile tugged at your lips.
Loki peeled back the silken sheets he’d put on your bed so you could get under them. With a little bit of difficulty—Loki never had gotten a firm grasp on understanding Midgardian technology—he flipped through the channels on your TV until you found something you wanted to watch while you ate.
“Is there anything else you need?” he asked once you were done eating, before leaving you to your own devices.
You bit your lip as you thought before ultimately shaking your head no. “I’m good thanks.”
“Please, darling, be honest with me,” he pleaded. “Anything you want. Name it, and it is yours.”
“Will you stay with me?” you blurted out. “No, I’m sorry, that’s ridiculous. I’ve taken up enough of your time.”
“Darling,” he tsked. “The only thing on my schedule today is taking care of you.”
You smiled as he slid under the sheets next to you, wrapping his arms around your body and pulling you onto his lap. You twisted your body so you could look at him and tuck a few locks of his raven hair behind his ear. You were living in your own place in time, the two of you finding a safe haven in each other’s arms.
“You know what would make me really happy, Loki?” you began. “If I got to give you a little, thank you. Would that be alright?”
The god hesitated for a moment. “I suppose. Depending on what it is.”
“Can I... Would it be alright if I kissed you?”
“Well, that depends, again.”
“On?”
“On whether or not we can make it a regular occurrence,” Loki replied with a playful grin.
“You know, you are always saying I should do things that make me happy. So yes, yes we absolutely can.”
“In that case,” he said, already leaning in, “what are you waiting for?”
Giggling, you bridged the gap between you. As Loki smiled against your lips, he realized something. No matter how stubborn either of you were when it came to accepting help for yourselves, you’d always have the other to take care of you. And even more importantly, Loki thought, you’d have each other to love.
#loki x reader#loki x you#loki laufeyson#loki odinson#loki#mcu loki#loki fluff#fluff#mcu fluff#marvel fluff#reader insert#gender netural reader#marvel#mcu#marvel reader insert#marvel fanfiction#loki fanfic#mcu reader insert#loki friggason#loki friggason x reader#loki laufeyson x reader#loki odinson x reader#loki oneshot#marvel oneshot#loki x y/n
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Looking Too Closely (Bucky x Fem!Stark!Reader) -- part three
I did not expect to get so invested in this damn fic but here I am :))
Summary: The one in which Tony invites you to the “family dinner” but you sleep through it. Also, the “Father Test,” as Tony calls it.
Warnings: angst (what’s new?), talk of food/eating (so sorry, I should’ve tagged this a lot sooner!), medical stuffs (needles, blood being drawn)
A few hours pass by slowly as you doze, floating in between sleep and consciousness, both places completely unsoothing to you.
You wake abruptly when FRIDAY’s voice echoes throughout the room. “Do Not Disturb overridden by Tony Stark.”
With a groan, you sit up, listening to Tony knock — though surprised that he even does.
“Come in,” you sigh.
The door swings open and Tony opens his mouth to speak, but stops when he sees you on the floor. “What…” He glances between you and the bed, giving you an incredulous look. “What’s wrong with the perfectly new bed I gave you?”
“The least of your concerns should be that I’m taking a nap on the floor,” you deadpan. “What do you want?”
“Dinner will be ready in a few,” he says, still looking at you all concerned. “We have a family dinner once a week to...build rapport.”
You raise an eyebrow.
He continues. “You live here now, so...you’re invited. Wanda and Pepper will be there. Bucky, too.” Tony pauses. “Bucky didn’t bother you earlier, did he?”
“Nope.”
“Okay, good.”
“You bothered me, Tony.”
“Right,” Tony nods. “Sorry about that. I shouldn’t have brought that stuff up. I should’ve just been happy that you’re okay.” He pauses again, like he’s having trouble putting all the words together. “I am, by the way. Glad you’re okay. I’m sorry you went through that.”
“Thanks,” you say slowly. “You don’t have to worry about it.”
Tony offers a half-smile, half-grimace, because what you don’t know is that he has FRIDAY currently working on a full, extensive background check on your mom. And you, but your mom is top priority. Ever since the conversation in MedBay earlier, he’s been worried. For your safety — both past, present, and future. But he’s also worried about who you really are — and the worst worry of all is that you might not even know.
“Anyway, dinner in a few,” he says. “Nothing fancy. Come as you are, all that bullshit.”
You snicker at his reference.
He tries not to think of it as too much of a win. “Oh and,” he points to the bed, “it really is new. No one’s slept in it before you. And you can adjust the settings on it — softness, heating, cooling, all that. Just,” he pauses again. “FRIDAY, will you show Y/N the control panel?”
“Yes, Mr. Stark.”
Your eyes widen when a hologram appears next to the bed, projected onto the wall. There, all the settings — and many more — that Tony mentioned are shown.
“When you get it set where you like, FRIDAY can save it for you,” he explains. “Just for whenever you feel like sleeping in a bed again. I guess.”
“Thank you,” you murmur, looking over at him. “Really, thank you, Tony.”
“No problem, munchkin.” He smiles fully this time as he leaves, closing your door. And to your surprise, he activates Do Not Disturb again.
Food is the last thing on your mind, so instead you head over to the hologram on the wall.
You spend the next hour and a half fixing the settings. Once you get it just right, though, you lie down and you sleep.
Soundly. For five hours.
+++
When you wake again, you’re confused and disoriented to find yourself sleeping in a bed. But you love that your back, shoulders, and hips aren’t screaming in pain for once.
One glance out the window tells you that you’ve definitely missed the dinner Tony invited you to, but you don’t care all that much. You’ve met everyone individually. You didn’t really need or want to go to a big dinner. It seemed pointless.
But, unfortunately, you are hungry, so you drag yourself out of bed to go to the kitchen in search of something resembling food.
One glance at the clock in the hall tells you it’s just past midnight, so you relax even more, knowing you won’t encounter anyone.
Or at least, you hoped.
There, leaned against the kitchen counter, straight up guzzling a glass of water, is Bucky.
At least it’s him, you think.
Bucky smiles gently when he sees you coming. “Hey.”
You offer a slight nod and a quiet “Hey” in return, going straight to the fridge.
“Oh, the plate in there is yours,” he says. “Top shelf.”
You look up and spot it, your eyes widening as you grab it. Did they eat monstrous portions here or something? It must weigh five pounds or something crazy.
As if reading your mind, Bucky says, “Sorry there’s so much. I think Tony went overboard.”
You blink down at the food. Tony made you a plate? You expected Pepper to do it, if anyone. Quite frankly, you weren’t expecting it at all. You figured they wouldn’t even notice your absence.
Bucky wordlessly steps to the side, giving you access to the microwave. It even looks expensive, which makes you snort. It’s touchscreen. Of-fucking-course.
“We missed you at dinner,” Bucky says. You didn’t know he liked to talk this much.
“I fell asleep,” you confess with a laugh. “Tony uh, showed me the controls for the bed.”
Bucky raises his eyebrows. “No more sleeping on the floor for you, then?”
You shrug.
“I sleep on the floor most nights, too,” Bucky continues, taking in a deep breath. “It’s just…”
“Normal,” you finish quietly.
“Yeah,” he agrees. “It feels normal.”
You turn back to the microwave, opening the door a second before it beeps. The food is warm enough now, you guess. Where the hell are the forks, though?
After opening two drawers, Bucky realizes what you’re looking for. “Here.” He opens the drawer across from you and pulls out a fork.
“Thanks,” you murmur, taking it from him. “Night.”
He nods and gives a slight wave. “Night.”
+++
The next day, Pepper stops by your room with a ton of clothes, shoes, and a phone.
“Uhm, thanks…”
“I know it’s a lot,” she smiles gently. “And if you don’t like anything, just let me know. Or if I didn’t get anything that you need, let me know, too.” She pauses. “You don’t have to do it now.”
“Okay,” you sigh, trying not to feel overwhelmed, but it’s hard. There’s like...fifteen bags on your bed right now. Not to mention the boxes of shoes that are stacked on the floor. And the new phone, still in the box, that you’re holding in your hand.
Pepper points to the phone. “It should have my number, Tony’s number, and the rest of the Avengers programmed in there. You’ll see one named Happy, that’s just Tony’s assistant, just in case. You don’t have to talk to everyone on there, but they do have your number as well. It’s all a precautionary thing. Oh, and the phone can be tracked.” She pauses, lowering her voice. “Just a heads up. In case Tony goes crazy.”
You smile at that. “Thanks.” As if he hasn’t already gone crazy and driven you closer to insanity, too.
“Speaking of Tony,” she says. “He’s willing to do the paternity test whenever you are.”
“Okay,” you nod. “Is today good?”
Pepper blinks. “I don’t see why not.”
“Okay, just...I’ll put some clothes on first.” You’re still wearing what Wanda gave you.
“Yeah, of course,” she nods. “I’ll let Tony know and whenever you’re ready, you can just ask FRIDAY to take you to the lab.”
“Okay.”
Pepper leaves you be, while you get dressed, and it takes you a lot longer than you were expecting.
There are so many clothes.
After finding something somewhat comfortable (and because you’re tired of looking through the bags), you grab your phone, though it feels foreign having it in your pocket.
“FRIDAY...where is the lab?”
“If you head to the elevator, I’ll take you there.”
“Thanks.”
“Of course, Y/N.”
Following FRIDAY’s orders, you head to the elevator and step inside. The doors close and the elevator begins to move, and when it stops, the doors behind you open.
“Welcome to Mr. Stark’s lab.”
Hesitantly, you step off, and you’re met with blaring music.
“Really?” You scream, and Tony lifts his head. “AC/DC? Really?”
The volume lowers a little while Tony replies. “You know your music. I’m impressed.”
“I’m disappointed,” you say. “I prefer Pink Floyd.”
Tony smirks. ‘Another Brick in the Wall, Pt. 2’ begins to play. You hate that you grin, but you do.
“Much better,” you comment. “Pepper told me to come here?”
He nods. “Right, the Father Test.”
You snort. Of course he calls it that.
“We’ll have to head down to MedBay to do it. I’ll be done in just a second.” He taps something on the screen before looking back up. “Did Pepper give you your phone?”
“Yeah.” You pull the device from your pocket and wave it. “Thanks. You didn’t have to.”
“I’m not gonna leave you stranded without a phone,” Tony replies. “Also, just for the foreseeable future, don’t leave the Tower without someone. Preferably without me.”
You furrow your eyebrows. You hadn’t thought about leaving and going anywhere until now. “Why?”
“Well, for one, you have an arrest warrant,” he reminds you. “They won’t question it if I’m with you. Which is why it needs to be me — Steve is also fine. But, let’s say, if you left with Bucky, they wouldn’t hesitate to grab both of you.”
“Wasn’t he pardoned or something?”
“Doesn’t mean no one holds a grudge against him.”
You nod. “Right.” Then, you reel back. “So you’re not going to turn me in?”
He shrugs. “I believe you. Even though you won’t tell me who stabbed you.” He taps something else, then drags the screen, and a hologram appears right in front of him.
You roll your eyes. “Because I don’t know who they were. I told you.”
“And I still think you’re lying,” he retorts.
You glare at him through the hologram.
A few more minutes pass where all that fills the silence is Pink Floyd. You’re not complaining, but even Tony’s breathing is grating to your ears.
Once he’s finally finished with whatever the hell he was doing, he heads to the elevator, and you silently follow him.
+++
This time when you enter MedBay, it’s empty, aside from the on-site doctor, Dr. Cho.
“Here for the Father Test,” Tony quips, smirking when Dr. Cho rolls her eyes at him.
You like Dr. Cho already.
“Alright,” she says, putting a pause on what she was doing. “It’s just a simple cheek swab and a little blood.”
“Blood?” You ask. You hate having your blood drawn. Not because of the needle, but because of the idea of your blood being drawn out of your body and used for things you’re unaware of.
It’s creepy.
“Just a small amount,” Dr. Cho assures you with a soft smile. “It acts as a double-check for the paternity test. The cheek swab can give us a general yes or no, but blood is definitive.”
You agree, you just hate it.
First is the cheek swab and Dr. Cho lets you do it, probably sensing your anxiety. She refuses to let Tony do his on his own, but that probably has something to do with how much of a child he is.
Tony gets his blood drawn first, and it is too short for your liking, because once he’s done, Dr. Cho preps you.
Your head is turned the other way while she wipes your skin. Tony moves into your line of vision, and you’re ready to tell him to fuck off before he teases you, but he doesn’t.
He just talks to you.
“Barnes told me you fell asleep yesterday.”
You furrow your eyebrows. “Yeah. That’s why I missed dinner. He said you made a plate for me?”
“I did,” Tony nods. “I didn’t want you to go hungry.”
“I could tell,” you snort. “There was enough food on the plate to feed four of me.”
He chuckles. “Did you at least eat?”
“Yeah, I did,” you say. “It was good.”
“Good. How’s the bed?”
“Really good,” you say. “Thanks for showing me the controls and stuff.”
“No problem,” he shrugs. “Nat asked me earlier if you’d like to train with her and Wanda.”
“Train?”
“Yeah, train, workout, whatever you want to call it. Barnes and Rogers usually run if that’s more your speed, Wilson, too, when he’s here.”
“Who’s Wilson?”
“Sam,” Tony fills in. “Falcon.”
“Oh, yeah.”
“He’s in...Louisiana right now, but he should be back here in a few days, so you’ll meet him.” He pauses. “But...stay away from him.”
“Why?”
“He’s...flirty.”
You nearly wheeze. “Are you joking?”
“Nope,” he shakes his head. “I’ve been meaning to say that about Barnes, too. I don’t care if you talk to him. I think it’s good for him — and you. But don’t…” He waves his hands in an ambiguous manner.
“Tony, the absolute last thing on my mind right now is a boyfriend, but even if it was, why would you have any say in it?” You counter.
“Because I know them, and I don’t want them anywhere near you,” he says, like that’s the end of it. “All done, Dr. Cho?”
“All done,” she confirms, and that’s when you feel her pressing a Band-Aid over your skin.
Your head whips around. You didn’t even feel the needle go in or out. What the fuck?
You look back at Tony with a small smile. “Well played.”
“You’re welcome,” he smirks. “Though, I wasn’t kidding.”
You roll your eyes. “Not even Nat or Wanda?”
He looks surprised, but still shakes his head. “Still no.”
“Darn. My plans have been foiled.”
This time when he looks at you, he smiles.
As the two of you are walking to the elevator, he says, “Want to help me in the lab? I’ll let you control the music — just this once.”
You almost say yes, but you’re not really in the mood. “No, thanks though. I really should go through all the clothes Pepper brought me.”
“Ah, right,” he nods. “She told me she went shopping.”
“Yeah…” You exhale. “She went.”
You step onto the elevator after him, and he presses the floors for you and the lab.
“You know, Wanda might help you sort through the clothes if you ask. She might wear whatever you don’t want.”
“Oh, okay. I’ll ask.”
“She’s training right now, though.”
You nod. “Okay. It can wait, I guess.”
Tony rocks on his heels. “I could really use an extra set of hands…”
You roll your eyes. “Fine.”
He grins. “You still want to control the music?”
“There’s no way I’m letting you play AC/DC the whole time.”
#looking too closely#tony stark#bucky barnes#bucky barnes x fem!reader#bucky barnes x stark!fem!reader#bucky barnes x fem!stark!reader#bucky barnes x stark!reader#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes x you#bucky barnes x y/n#james buchanan barnes#james buchanan bucky barnes#oooohhhh why the blood draw#oooohhhhh#interesting#i'm so sorry in advance LMFAO
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For the wip ask (they all sound very interesting ngl it was hard to pick just one!) LostSteve
lost steve! yeah, so. what if shield defrosted captain america, and he broke out and just...kept running? what if they lost him? what if he ended up hiding out in tony’s tower, away from the fight for long enough to get his feet underneath him?
this fic is mostly about steve and tony finding each other first, so they can form the heart of the avengers, instead of the fault line that splits the team in half. here’s the first part of it.
—
There’s an alert from Nick Fury that Tony chooses to ignore, for the sake of his convenience and Fury’s ongoing character growth. JARVIS announces its arrival and then diligently reminds Tony about the message twice before Tony tells him to mute it until morning.
“If it’s really that important,” he says, “they’ll just send someone to break in anyway.”
Which is why, on some level, he’s not at all surprised to find a man sitting on a couch in his penthouse twenty-seven hours later. He will admit to being caught somewhat off-guard by the specifics of the situation, though, because Steve Rogers has been dead for longer than Tony’s been alive.
“Zombie?” Tony asks. “Hallucination? Oh, clone? Are you a clone?”
Steve Rogers looks at him the way people look at wax sculptures. Like he’s interested in the details of the creation in front of him, but doesn’t believe for a second that what he’s looking at is real. “Mr. Stark,” he says, politely. His voice is deeper than Tony would’ve guessed.
“Robot,” Tony theorizes. “Sexbot? Updated Trojan Horse? If I let you inside me, are you gonna--”
The man’s brow furrows, and his mouth twists down, and his eyes are too sad for circuitry. No one would code that kind of grief.
Tony pauses for a moment, rocks forward onto the balls of his feet and then back onto his heels. He studies this intruder carefully. Someone sent him a Steve Rogers lookalike in a white t-shirt and stained khakis. He’s hale and healthy, built like a god, but his feet are bare and dirty.
Bloody, too. There are bloody footprints on the carpet.
“Wait,” Tony says. “Wait. Who the hell are you?”
There’s a long beat of silence. The man on his couch just stares at him, eyes tracing over Tony’s face, his shoulders, looking at him like he’s starving for something. He’s quiet and small, somehow, in a way that doesn’t relate at all to the amount of space his body takes up.
And then he stands, light and graceful on his bloody feet. His jaw tightens, and his shoulders pull up, and he’s an American Hero, suddenly and decisively, like he’s made some kind of choice about it.
“Mr. Stark,” he says, again, “I’m Captain America.”
And he is, Tony thinks. The same way that he’s Iron Man. Because once you put on that kind of armor, whatever else you used to be is irrelevant.
—
He’s Captain America, and he’s back from the dead. SHIELD had him and lost him, and Nick Fury wants Tony to go looking for him. That’s the message he left with JARVIS over a day ago. And Tony can’t imagine he was the first name on their list, which means Steve Rogers has been alone in the wrong century for an unknown but considerable amount of time.
“Hey,” he says, calling out from where he’s slouched against the kitchen island, watching Captain America dutifully eat through every scrap of leftovers Tony had in the fridge. “How long have you been here?”
“I was born here,” he says, through a mouthful of fried rice that he hides behind a napkin. He chews, swallows, and jabs his fork over Tony’s shoulder. “In Brooklyn.”
Tony knew that. Of course he knew that. He memorized everything about Steve Rogers back when he thought he could become enough like him to make Howard consider him worthwhile. “No, I mean,” he says, waving his hands, “in this century. How long have you been--- Jesus. I dunno. Awake? Aware? Unfrosted flakes?”
Steve blinks at him. He stares for a second and then ducks his head, stirs his fork through the open takeout box in front of him. “Spent a couple days,” he says. “Looking around.”
Looking around. Steve Rogers, unwitting time-traveler, barefoot in New York. What had he been looking for? Why did he come here?
“Why didn’t you get any shoes?” Tony asks, instead of any of the more complicated questions.
Steve tucks his feet under his chair. He washed them half an hour or so back, walking uneasily into the bathroom Tony showed him and then locking the door behind him, like he thought Tony was some kind of pervert who would bodyslam through the door to catch a glimpse of him sudsing up his bare ankles.
“Didn’t have any money,” he says, surprisingly mulish about it.
“You couldn’t smash and grab a pair of Sketchers?” Tony shakes his head. “If you get lockjaw, you’re gonna have to tell Fury you caught it from somewhere else. Fuck’s sake, when was your last tetanus booster? 1943?”
He shrugs. He doesn’t seem concerned. He’s busy eating his way through enough calories to keep your average winter-starved grizzly happy.
It’s hungry work, coming back from the dead. Tony remembers the unholy things he would’ve done for a cheeseburger.
“Didn’t have any money,” he repeats, scraping his fork around the sides of the takeout box, diligent and serious, like it’s the very last scrap of food he’ll ever get.
Tony clears his throat, hip-checks the counter to heave himself to standing. “I’ll get you some cash.”
—
There’s a weird moment, when Tony gives him the money. It’s just a few hundred dollars. He’s not Tony’s problem, not his project raised from the dead, but he still doesn’t want to give Steve Rogers the means to get himself truly lost in a world he doesn’t know.
Five hundred dollars will get him some food and somewhere to sleep for a few days, but it won’t get him far enough out of SHIELD’s orbit to get himself in trouble.
He looks up when Tony gets close. There’s a well-worn wariness in his eyes. He watches him the way a dog from a bad home might watch him through the bars of the shelter’s kennel. Resigned instead of hopeful, like he knows how this goes, like he knows he can survive it.
“Here,” Tony says. He leaves the money two chairs away from him, within easy grabbing distance. “And I have shoes your size, if you want to borrow them.”
“I don’t need that,” Rogers says, pointing at the money.
Tony lets his mouth tip up sideways, smirks like this is the part of the whole situation he finds truly unbelievable. “You’re going to come into my house,” he says, “uninvited, unannounced, and then you’re going to refuse to accept my hospitality? Rogers, what would your mother think?”
There’s a stall point in Roger’s stare, like watching a bird fly into a window. There’s a moment, right around the word mother, when those blue eyes blank out, and Tony’s just staring into empty space.
“She didn’t,” he says, and it’s fascinating. He’s stitching himself up right here at Tony’s dining table. Tony can practically see it happening, vertebrae stacking up, pulling him taunt like a needle tugging on a thread. “She never liked charity.”
Tony is familiar with pride. He has something of an overabundance himself, although he comes by it honestly. He knows hurt pride hates an audience, so he looks away.
“I imagine she hated the idea of you starving, too,” Tony says. “Probably worked very hard to make sure that didn’t happen. Going to waste all her work now, Rogers? Seems ungrateful.”
He’s half-taunting by the end of it. He’s not sure why. He finds weak points like a magnet finds iron. Sometimes he doesn’t even know what he’s pulling on until after he’s accidentally ripped out someone’s heart. It’s not one of the traits he’s proud of, but, like his pride, he knows where it came from.
Rogers glares at him, but he hooks the next takeout container over anyway.
“I’ll get those shoes,” Tony says. JARVIS has already measured; Rhodey left some boots that should fit.
Steve doesn’t say anything, but, when Tony comes back, the money is gone, and so is he.
—
Tony doesn’t tell Fury a damn thing. If Fury lost a national icon, that’s his problem. And anyway, Tony’s still not completely convinced that the blonde who materialized in his penthouse was actually Steve Rogers and not some kind of really confused, really well-built homeless man. Or a stripper.
Tony’s never actually met a stripper who showed up in khakis, refused to disrobe, and then ate ten pounds of takeout before silently disappearing, but he’d be willing to pay another five hundred dollars for a repeat performance.
He figures out how the maybe-Steve got into his penthouse. He upgrades the security, but he tells JARVIS to let him in if he ever comes back. He’s not sure what he’s hoping for, but he’s too curious to lock him out.
—
There’s a bit of nothing that kicks off in New York, some Hammer tech that goes haywire. Tony puts it down like the cheap knockoff that it is, but he gets stuck in debrief with Phil Coulson afterwards, because he’s not quite quick enough to abandon the scene after the fight’s over. In his defense, he was holding a car above a partially-trapped bicyclist, and Coulson caught him before the EMTs could finish disentangling her.
He makes it back to the Tower after an hour of mostly-wasted time. Steve Rogers is sitting at his dining table. Tony bites back the ludicrous urge to “honey, I’m home!” him.
“Hey,” he says instead, as he steps in from the balcony, stripped down to the skintight suit he wears under the armor. He didn’t expect company. “You get something to eat?”
Steve seems somehow offended by the question. “I didn’t break in here and steal anything,” he says.
“Okay,” Tony says, moving past him. “Well, that’s a gold star and an empty stomach for you, Rogers. We’re all very proud.”
“It’s not my food,” Steve tells him. If he had hackles, they’d be raised. Tony wants to pat him on the head, but only because he’s always had a sort of neurotic tendency to see how hard people bite before he decides whether to trust them.
“Yeah, and a twenty-dollar grocery bill is really gonna break me,” Tony says. He takes a smoothie out of the freezer. “You want pizza? I’m gonna order pizza.”
Steve stares at him for a long moment before he shrugs. “I could eat,” he says.
“Great,” Tony says. He has JARVIS order three pizzas, because he wants at least half of one for himself, and Steve Rogers is a human garbage disposal.
Steve takes a shower while they’re waiting. He asks first, which Tony supposes is the polite thing to do, and he takes his backpack with him, like he’s worried Tony’s going to steal his wallet.
“You know,” Tony says, when Steve remerges, wearing another knockout set of some grandpa’s Goodwill khakis and button-down shirt, “you keep showing up like this, and it’s gonna get harder for me to lie to Fury about having no idea where you are.”
Steve flips open a pizza box and carefully selects a slice. His hair is wet and neatly combed back from his face. He’s handsome from a distance but damn near devastating at close range. Tony takes another bite of pizza, hopes it’ll help swallow back the urge to sink a few grand into war bonds.
“Fury’s the guy with the eyepatch?” Steve doesn’t settle into a seat. He takes his pizza and wanders over to the window, stares out at the skyline.
“Yeah, that’s him,” Tony says.
Steve makes a face. Tony can see it, dulled and faded, in the reflection on the glass. “He’s persistent,” he says, slowly. Not like it’s a compliment.
“Yeah,” Tony says, again, “that’s him.”
Steve doesn’t say anything else. Tony finishes his slice of pizza, eats another one. There’s an ache in his right shoulder from being wrenched around by Hammer’s ridiculous creation, and he should be icing it, but he doesn’t want to. Not with Steve Rogers here.
He’s never liked looking human in front of an audience. His problem has always been that he couldn’t figure out how to stop. At least, not until he built his armor.
Steve comes back when he’s out of pizza. He’s catlike in his wariness, in the way he seems pissed at Tony for daring to exist in his proximity.
“That fight,” he says, apropos of approximately nothing at all. “Earlier.”
“Oh,” Tony says, rising out of his chair and moving toward the bar, giving Steve the room to loom over the pizza like he’s defending his kill. “You see that on the news?”
“Saw it on the street,” Steve says. “Heard the screams.”
Heard the screams and came running. So he’s still in the hero business. Fury will be happy to hear it.
“You’re gonna get yourself killed,” Steve tells him. He sounds angry about it. At Tony, not the situation. “Where’s your backup?”
“Backup,” Tony repeats. “Cap, c’mon. Read a newspaper. I work alone.”
Steve Rogers looks up from his pizza perusal just long enough to roll his eyes. It should feel like a slap across the face, and maybe it does. However it feels, Tony likes it. Wants more of it. There’s always been something grounding in being dismissed, like Tony’s never known where he stands until someone shows him how he doesn’t measure up.
“Is that supposed to be impressive?” Steve asks. “Men who work alone die alone, Stark. And they’re not very effective when they do.”
Tony knows he’s meant to be offended. He is, probably. But he couldn’t bite back his smile for anything. “I think I liked you better when you called me ‘Mr. Stark.’”
“Seems to me,” Steve says, “you want everyone to call you Iron Man these days.”
“Oh Captain, my Captain,” Tony says, “surely they had that line about glass houses in the ‘40’s?”
Steve frowns at him. “I never asked anyone to call me Captain America.”
“And yet,” Tony says, tipping a bottle of whiskey his direction, “that’s how to introduced yourself to me.”
Steve gives him a look like he thinks Tony’s being deliberately obtuse. “That’s who I am,” he says.
Tony rolls his eyes and flips a tumbler right side up. “But when I start using a stage name,” he says, “suddenly I’m a narcissistic asshole who doesn’t--”
“Do you think,” Steve says, looming up suddenly, shifting gears like something mechanical, going battle-ready with more decisiveness than a faceplate clicking down, “that anybody spent years, spent—I don’t know. Millions of dollars? Do you think anybody did that for Steve Rogers?”
Tony’s caught wrong-footed. He did it again. Drilled until he found the nerve, cut until he broke the skin.
“I think you don’t get one without the other,” Tony says, trying now to soothe. But he’s not very good at it. His instincts don’t run this direction. His whole life, the only things he could ever repair were machines.
Steve shakes his head. He steps away from the pizza. He looks around, eyes zeroing in on his backpack.
“Stay here,” Tony says, sidling out from behind the bar, whiskey now in hand.
Steve straightens up like a cobra, like he’s going to spit venom in Tony’s face. Tony wants to put his mouth on him, which is probably only half because he’s always been hellbent on his own destruction. The other half is that Steve Rogers is beautiful like something made in a lab for aesthetics alone, carefully designed for universal appeal. Tony likes to tell himself he has a taste for the exclusive, but the reality has always been he wants exactly what everyone else does.
“You don’t want SHIELD to find you,” Tony says, “then stay here. Trust me, this is the last place they’d think to look.”
He’s not standing between Steve and the exit. He was careful about that. Whatever SHIELD might think about him, he doesn’t have a death wish. And also, when he’s thinking about it, he’s not usually deliberately an asshole. It’s just that, most of the time, he’s not thinking about it.
“Why should I trust you?” Steve asks.
Tony shrugs. Hell, he has no idea. “Why’d you come here? The first time. When SHIELD lost you, you came here. Why?”
“I went home,” Steve says, argumentative, all squared shoulders and tight jaw. “I went to Brooklyn. But it wasn’t there anymore. None of it was—I couldn’t find…”
He trails off, shakes his head, sharp and agitated, a horse bothered by a fly. It’s hard to look in his eyes. There’s something in them that Tony doesn’t want to see. It’s like watching a statue bleed.
“I heard there was still a Stark in New York,” Steve says. “I read about you. I thought maybe you’d--”
“You thought I’d be like Howard,” Tony finishes for him. “Sorry to disappoint.”
“I thought you’d be like me,” Steve says, which doesn’t make any sense at all.
“You,” Tony says. And then, a little helplessly, “What?”
Steve looks away. He shrugs, looks back. “I saw the suit,” he says. “On the news. I saw what it can do. I didn’t think--- things have advanced a lot. I didn’t understand. I thought Howard had…”
Tony squints at him. “You thought Howard did a Rebirth redux and tested it on his kid?”
“I thought a lot of things,” Steve says, snappy. “It was a very confusing couple of days.”
Tony can imagine that it was. “So you thought I was Rebirthed, and you wanted--”
“I didn’t want anything,” Steve says, and there’s that flash of exposed nerve again, that look like a sinkhole in the backs of his eyes. “That’s not the point.”
Tony takes a sip of his whiskey. It settles, warm and sweet, into his stomach.
I didn’t want anything.
I shouldn’t be alive, unless it’s for a reason.
Tony holds the tumbler out. Steve needs the warmth more than he does. “Here,” he says.
Steve takes it, seemingly on reflex. “I can’t get drunk,” he says.
“Well,” Tony says, circling back toward the bar, “not with that attitude.”
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Let us find magic in all the little things
Summary:
Tony doesn't see the time passing in his workshop and Steve is there to remind him to take care of himself.
Another excuse for a dose of fluff...
https://archiveofourown.org/works/33148267
1018 words - Rating G
Steve stifled a yawn as he read the same paragraph of the book he was reading for the third time. He set it down on the coffee table and stood up looking for Tony.
"Tony?"
When he received no answer, he deduced that he was in his workshop.
He went down to the basement to join him. When he arrived downstairs, he stopped behind the glass door and looked at Tony, barefoot, a pencil on his ear, another in his hand, twirling in the middle of his holographic projections.
Steve looked at him with fondness,when suddenly Tony stopped and sat down at his desk, seemingly in deep thought.
Steve decided it was time for him to enter.
He spoke softly so as not to startle the concentrated genius, "Tony." Then he reached over and put a hand on Tony's shoulder and asked, "Didn't you tell me you'd only need an hour?"
"Yeah, that's it" Tony said without looking up from his workshop.
"You know you've been here three hours, sweetheart?"
"Oh really?" replied Tony again, still not looking up.
Steve sighed fondly and then leaned in, watching Tony knowing he wouldn't notice. His genius husband was really adorable when he was focused on his inventions. Steve loved that intense look in his eyes and the way he would bite his lip when a problem resisted him.
But Steve could also see, the dark circles under his eyes, the reddened eyes, the drawn features and that, that was less adorable.
So he whispered in Tony's ear, "Take a break until tomorrow."
"But..." began Tony.
"No buts..."Steve brought his lips even closer to his ear and added, "I miss my husband..." with a little emphasis on the s's which didn't fail to make Tony shiver to Steve's delight.
He leaned his cheek against Steve's hand still on his shoulder, "You're too good a negotiator."
"I had to keep some of my captain's skills."
Tony chuckled and spun his chair around to wrap his arms around Steve's waist, "You should have called me sooner.
"Tony, I know that when you go into your workshop and say you'll be an hour, it's going to take three times that long, and I don't mind because that's you, that's who you are, and I've married everything about Tony Stark, even the genius who can't find rest until he puts his idea down on paper or computer. So I've given you the time I think you need, but I'm not going to let you exhaust yourself either."
Tony placed a kiss on Steve's stomach and chuckled softly.
"Okay babe, I get it. I'll stop until tomorrow."
He stood up and took Steve's hand.
"FRY, save it all and shut down for today."
"Okay boss."
Then Tony turned to Steve and said with a mischievous smile, "Now I'm going to make it up to my neglected husband."
He pulled Steve behind him up the stairs and into the living room where he pushed him onto the couch before straddling his lap.
He then buried his face in the junction between Steve's shoulder and neck, breathing in his scent as Steve ran his hands under his henley and gently rubbed his back.
"Hmm" Tony murmured, "I missed you too." he straightened up a little and framed Steve's face before kissing him gently.
Then he said, looking him in the eye, "I'm sorry that sometimes I get so immersed in my work that I forget everything, even you."
Steve put a finger over Tony's mouth and said, "And I'm only sorry because you forget yourself and don't take care of yourself."
Tony put his arms around him and rested his head on his shoulder, "Yes, but you are here to set me straight."
Steve chuckled, "Exactly, so now is the time to tell you that falling asleep on the couch is out of the question."
Before Tony could protest, Steve stood up without letting go of Tony, who automatically clung to him, wrapping his legs around his husband's waist.
Arriving in their bedroom, Steve gently put Tony down on the floor not without kissing him first and pushed him towards the bathroom.
Tony said with a pout, "Aren't you coming with me?"
"No, I already showered love."
"How could you do that?" asked Tony in a whiny tone as he headed for the bathroom.
When he returned a few minutes later, after a quick shower, Tony paused for a moment in the doorway to admire the sight before his eyes, then murmured as he approached, "It's not just me who' s tired it seems."
Steve looked so peaceful, but at the same time so tempting, that Tony couldn't help but lean in and kiss him.
As soon as Tony's lips touched Steve's cheek, Steve stirred and opened his eyes, despite the lightness of the kiss.
Tony felt a little guilty so he gently brushed Steve's hair, kissed his forehead and softly whispered, "Go back to sleep my love."
Steve shook his head with his characteristic stubbornness and tried to sit up.
"I wasn't sleeping, I was just dozing while I waited for you. "
Tony smiled fondly, then lay down beside him, and turning to him said softly, "Well, I'm here now, you can fall asleep for good."
They were now face to face and Tony took this moment to admire his husband. His mouth was slightly open, his breathing heavier and his eyes clouded with fatigue. Tony leaned over and kissed his forehead in a lingering kiss. He moved his lips down, coming close to Steve's, their breaths mingling and he could smell Steve's scent. Cedar and pine. Lemon and mint. Tony closed his eyes.
"Tony," Steve sighed, "I love you."
Tony opened his eyes again and gasped, even though he had heard it a thousand times before. Each time it was new, each time it was like the first time.
And as Steve's eyes were closing he whispered softly back, his throat tight with emotion, "I love you."
Then he snuggled into Steve's arms, which automatically closed around him, and Tony let sleep take him.
________
Stony Masterlist
As always, bear with me as it is not beta'd and english is not my native language
I hope you enjoyed it nonetheless🥰
#Established Relationship#Sleepy Kisses#Caring#Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant#tooth rotting fluff#stony#stony fic#tony stark#steve rogers#steve rogers x tony stark
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The Stain 🧼 Peter Parker x Reader
Request: None
Pronouns: None stated
Word count: 3430
Warnings: Mentions of glass shards
It was huge. Right above the famous Spider-Man logo and neon pink. Neon pink!
You stared at the stain in horror. In a few hours Peter was supposed to be on a stage in front of hundreds of people to accept an award and you had gotten a neon pink stain on his super suit.
You had been in the lab to start working on a new project, but Tony and Peter always left it in a mess. After spending two hours getting it organized you started working. It was hard to focus, though. The lab smelled bad and no matter how hard you complained about the darkness Tony didn’t want to install better lights.
You were mad you always had to clean up after them and that now you were starting late. It was just too much and when you added 35 ml of chlorine to your formula instead 30, the test tube you used exploded. Chunks of glass flew everywhere and just missed your face. Luckily you had ducked just in time but when you looked down you sighed at the spots of pink that were forming on your lab coat.
“Just what I need,” You mumbled. “I’ve always wanted to look like a pink dalmatian.”
But when you looked down to start picking up the large pieces of glass you felt the world stop as you realized some of the formula had splashed onto Peter’s suit which had been crumpled up on the floor.
“Shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot, no!” You shouted. You took off your googles and with a shaking hand picked up his suit. Uncrumpling it lo and behold, a bright pink stain where everyone could see it. You sat back down at the table and placed your head in your hands. This couldn’t be happening. Peter and Tony had spent hours customizing the suit and you ruined it.
Regular dye wouldn’t have affected the suit but this wasn’t dye. It was a combination of chemicals, the wrong combinations of chemicals. A 5ml difference doesn’t seem like a lot but in this sense it was everything. The formula could have made that area of the suit weaker or caused something to short circuit. You wanted to continue to sit there in your misery, allowing yourself to snowball the situation but there was still the ceremony to worry about.
You looked at your watch. The award ceremony was at 6 and you still needed to get dressed. It was 1:00pm on Saturday and you had 5 hours to get that stain out if you wanted to get to the place on time. You sat up and groaned.
“I have to- I have to call him. But he’s going to be so mad at me. This is so so so bad, stupid!” You whispered to yourself. You fought the urge to smack yourself on the forehead and picked up your phone. Dialing the numbers you thought about what you would say.
“Oh hey baby, you know that important event tonight that you have to dress up nice for. Well I ruined your suit! Yes, your super suit that you and your mentor worked on and you were super proud of.” That wouldn’t work, but before you could come up with another idea Peter answered the phone.
“Hey, baby!” He chimed. His voice instantly made you relax a bit.
“Hey, babe. Are you busy?” You replied nervously.
“Actually I am. I was just about to call you for a favor. I’m with Steve and training’s going a bit longer than expected and I still have to practice my speech. Can you put my suit and my tux near the front door. Tony said he’ll bring it to the place.”
“NO,” You shouted. “I- I can bring it when I arrive.” You felt your heart beat faster. If Tony came to get the suit now you wouldn’t have time to get the stain out. Peter sounded like he was thinking about it and you were hoping he would say yes. His voice came back over the phone.
“Okay then! I’ll send you the address once I’m done working out. I love you.”
“I love you too,” You mumbled out. Once you heard the ending click of the phone call you shot up.
The suit wasn't like a regular suit made out of just fabric. It was more like fabric that covered plastic that covered hundreds of wires. It wasn’t something that could be just washed out. To deep clean it you had to specifically get the fabric part off and you had no clue how to do that.
You grabbed the suit and ran up the stairs to the living room.
“Hey Jarvis!” You called out. Sprinting into “your room” you sat down at the computer and started doing some research. Your room was really one of the many spare rooms Tony had in the building that he let you sleep in when things ran late.
“Yes y/n?” Jarvis replied.
“Call Ned please and tell him it’s urgent. Oh! And can you set an alarm for 4:30pm. I was going to leave later but I have to get Peter’s suit to him at 5. Before the award ceremony starts at 6.”
“Of course. I’ll pair him to your computer once he answers.”
“Thank you!”
A few seconds later Ned’s face popped up in the corner of the computer screen. Before he got a word out you unloaded everything onto him. You told him how frustrated you were because you were having a bad day, how the suit was now stained and that Peter doesn’t know about it. When you finished he stared at you in shock.
“Wow y/n,” He gasped. “That’s uh, a lot.” He noticed your worried expression and gave a small smile.
“But, I can help! I’ve even helped him with some updates to the suit. We’ll get the stain out, you’ll get dressed, and then you’ll deliver the suit to him and everything will go fine, okay?”
You took a deep breath and nodded. Ned and Peter were both really good at calming people down.
After a few minutes of brainstorming ideas you moved to the kitchen and had Ned on a tablet, propped up against a leftover cereal box.
“Okay so I don’t think the formula will affect the internal composition of the suit, so that’s good. All we have to do is worry about getting the stain out and I already helped you disconnect the fabric from the plastic.” Ned chatted through the device. He watched as you came back into frame with the blue and red fabric.
“Yeah, I checked the wires and everything seems fine. I had Jarvis pull up some of Peter’s available notes about the suit but most of them are private. It’s been in the washer twice and the stain hasn’t budged so we’ll have to go with plan B.” You explained.
Plan B was to use fire to remove it. Fire should break up the molecules in the compound and have them float to the top of the fabric. Then all you would have to do is scrape off the remaining bits and then the suit was going to be fine. You placed a fire extinguisher and a bucket of water on the table.
“Jarvis, please put 911 on speed dial.” You yelled. Natasha’s old mini flamethrower was placed firmly in your hand and even Ned had backed away from his camera.
Flipping the switch, fire shot out from the tip and ran against the fabric of the suit. The stain seemed like it faded through the smoke but to your surprise once you turned off the flamethrower it was still there.
“Maybe once I start scrapping it it will go away.” You thought to yourself.
You grabbed a butter knife and began violently scrapping the neon pink imperfection. No matter how many times the silver knife went over the fabric, nothing changed.
“Look!” You cried. You held up the suit to Ned and he stared at it questionably. “I’m running out of time Ned!”
You sat down in anger, your head heading back in your hands.
“It’s okay y/n we still have time. How about you go get ready and when you come back we can try something else. I’ll even come with MJ to pick you up so we can get to the ceremony at 5. I think you would rather want to ride with us other than some random chauffeur.” He reassured.
“Thank you so much, call me when you get here and Jarvis will let you in.”
He said okay and hung up, leaving you in silence. You had to get this stain out before Peter saw or he would be furious. He would be embarrassed, humiliated. A superhero that can’t even have a clean suit, the news would eat him up! In a way you knew that you were overreacting but you were so stressed and this was another problem, YOU had to deal with.
You took a shower and slipped on the outfit that someone had arranged for you. You did your hair and even though you realized how good you looked you couldn’t seem to get excited. Suddenly Jarvis spoke, “y/n it is 4:30pm and I have just allowed Ned and MJ to come into the building. You have 30 minutes to get to the award ceremony at 5. Leaving an hour before it starts.”
“Thank you Jarvis!” You replied. When you left your room and headed back into the living room you saw Ned and MJ coming out of the elevator. The theme of the ceremony was black and white and Ned was wearing a cute black tux along with his “formal” fedora. MJ was wearing a gorgeous white dress that had a slit in the middle of her stomach. Her heels clapped against the floor as she ran towards you, embracing you in a big hug. Feeling her warmth and remembering what you had done made you almost want to cry.
“How are you doing? Well Ned told me how you’re doing but we’ll get the stain out.” You let out a long sigh.
“I don’t know what to do MJ. I wish I could go back in time and just forget about my stupid project.”
“It wasn’t stupid. It’s practically his fault for leaving his important suit on the floor. He’s always been gross. One time his room was so messy when we came over he had to make a web hammock attached to the ceiling so we could have somewhere to sit.”
You felt a smile creep onto your face, but you still didn’t feel completely better. In your head it made sense that it wasn’t your fault but you still felt like it was. In a way though, MJ had given you an idea.
“Wait! MJ, can you get the car running? This should only take a second.” Ned tossed her the keys and she walked back to the elevator. “Ned can you get the suit off the table and come with me to the lab? I have an idea!”
“To the lab? Cool!” Ned exclaimed. He grabbed the suit and followed you into the hallway to the lab. You punched the code in while Ned was ooing and awwing at the super suit in his arms. The door opened and you both went into the lab. The dim lights went on and on the floor was what you needed. You handed Ned some goggles and a lab coat and you put one on yourself.
“Peter and Tony don’t like to wear these but Tony always sets his clothes on fire so I think we need them.” You explain. You and Ned walked over to the table you had been working on earlier.
“This is where my test tube exploded. We don’t have much time but I think I know how to get the stain out. Can you place the fabric on the table?” Ned laid it on the table and backed away.
“If you're doing what I think you’re doing you’re either a genius or a future hospital patient.” He joked.
You felt a smile form on your face as you poured another 5ml of liquid nitrogen into a test tube.
“I added an extra 5ml to my formula last time and the glass bottle exploded. I think if I add another 5ml to the stain the molecules will have more space to dissolve, making the stain turn into a fume that will disappear.” You said excitedly.
“And if that doesn’t work what will happen?” Ned questioned.
“I have no clue.” You replied. And with that you fastened your googles, tightened your lab coat, and poured the liquid onto the stain. A loud hiss was made and to your surprise pink smoke started to rise from the fabric. It went on for a few seconds until the hissing stopped and you waved your hand over it to clear the smoke. Setting your googles on the table you peered down at the fabric.
There was no stain! You leaped up and Ned ran over to give you another hug.
“I can’t believe that worked!” Ned exclaimed! “I thought we were just going to have to lie to him. I already came up with two in my head!” You laughed at him and picked up the suit.
“Okay, it’ll dry in the car and you can reattach it to the plastic. We have 20 minutes to get to the ceremony!”
The both of you quickly took off your equipment and ran up the stairs, to the elevator, and out to the car that MJ had been waiting in. Once safely inside she drove off, fast enough that if you looked out the window for too long you would get sick. The minutes seemed to be passing by at twice their speed but you got to the ceremony with 5 minutes to spare and Peter was waiting for you at the entrance.
“Hey, baby! I got worried you forgot to get here an hour early. Wait are you okay?”
You thrusted his suit towards him and finally took a break. You rested your elbows on your thighs and tried to catch your breath. You had ran to get the suit to Peter and when MJ and Ned caught up they were also out of breath.
Peter stared at the 3 exhausted people in front of him, confused. “Uhh, hey MJ, hey Ned. What happened?” He slowly rubbed your back and worried you were going to throw up. “It’s okay, y/n, you got here on time. Everything’s okay, heck even if you came a hour late I think it would be hard for me to get mad at you.”
You gave a small smiled and stood up straight. He was so perfect. Peter gave you a smile and kissed you. You forgot about the suit, and the mess, and everything. It was like you two were in your own little word until Tony came in.
“Y/N, MJ, Ned! I’m glad you made it. Thanks for bringing the kid his suit. Of course he forgot it.” Instead of messing with his hair like usual, he gave him a pat on the back. “Where’s the tux?”
You felt your heart fall to your shoes. You forgot the tux! You had been so focused with the suit you-.
“Here you go.” MJ stated. She handed him the tux in its protective covering. “He was so busy doing the smooching I couldn’t hand it to you.” She gave you a wink and you grinned even more.
“Great, great!” Peter beamed. “I’ll put the tux on and meet you guys back here. Then I can show you around.” He gave you another kiss on the cheek and went with Tony to the dressing rooms. Once they were gone you turned to MJ.
“You’re a lifesaver MJ! And thank you Ned, I really couldn’t have done this without you.” You thanked. Both Ned and MJ gave you a smile.
“Don’t worry about it! I got to go down to the lab! And I’m at a ceremony with The Tony Stark!” Ned exclaimed. His hands were waving around frantically and kept going up to adjust his fedora.
“You’re welcome y/n, but I think you should tell Peter the truth. Maybe not all of it but if the lab is too messy for you to work maybe he can do something to fix it.” MJ added. You hadn’t thought about that, but this whole situation was a big wakeup call.
“I will,” You decided. “ Once the ceremony ends I’ll talk to him. Now, I just want to relax, though.” You all laughed and sat down in the chairs that were placed in the lobby.
The ceremony went great. Peter wore his tux and kept sneaking over to show you some new moves he learned. When the ceremony actually started he put on the Spider-Man suit in secret. The crowd was so loud when he came onto the stage you would have covered your ears, but you were too busy clapping with everyone. After it was over, Spider-Man “had to leave” but Peter returned. You pulled him off to the side.
“Can we talk?”
Peter looked at your worried expression and led you to an area where there weren't a lot of people. “Of course. I knew you looked bothered.”
You let out another sigh and pulled up the picture of the suit with the stain on it on your phone to show Peter.
“I ruined your suit earlier. I was in the lab working on something and I couldn’t see. I added too much of a chemical to my formula and the test tube exploded. Some of the formula went onto it.”
Peter looked at the picture while you looked at the floor. You could feel some tears forming in your eyes.
“I’m really sorry. I was able to get it out, but I still should have cleaned better before I started and I get I’m sorta new and I shouldn’t expect you to change how you and Tony work for me but it’s just so messy and dark and I can’t focus and-”
“Darling it’s okay, it’s okay, don’t cry.” Peter reassured, he pulled you into a hug and started to rub your back again in a circular motion. “I can’t believe you got the stain out. I wouldn’t have known what to do if I had gotten it there.” He joked. “But, you could have told me, I would have gone home to help you.” This time he let out a sigh. “It’s not your fault, though. I definitely should have put it back in its case.” You nodded and let out a small laugh. With each breath you could smell some of the cologne Tony probably sprayed on him. It was a good decision.
“I’ll clean up better and Tony will just have to manage. I’ll talk to him about it, okay? But the suit looks amazing, babe. You did a good job. I don’t think the logo has shined that bright since I got it. Plus Karen even told me that it felt fresher.”
You pulled away and looked at his eyes. “You’re the best, you know that?”
He flashed his famous smile, “I can’t be The Best if you're around. I can’t even compete.” He said sincerely.
“And neither of you two are the best in general because I am.” Tony added. You rolled your eyes at his comment. “How much of that did you hear?”
Tony frowned and shook his head. “Enough to wish I had left with Pepper when she said she was headed toward the Bar. And by-the-way neither of you get any ideas. I already notified the bartender I have four underaged guests that can only be served water and caprisuns.”
“What type of caprisuns?” You asked.
“Lemonade ones are the best.” Peter added.
“I don’t know ones.” Tony mocked. “But anyway y/n I hear your concerns and that was good problem solving skills you had. The suit did look great. I’ll work on getting you your own section in the lab. It’ll be nice and bright and you can keep it however clean you want it. So, you’ll be close to us while we’re working and I won’t have to listen to you and Peter compliment each other 100 times a day.”
You and Peter laughed and you felt his arm go around your waist. “That sounds great Mr. Stark, thank you.” You chimed.
Tony had already started to walk away but you heard him call out, “Stop calling me Mr. Stark and I’ll buy you your own building to work in.”
With that Peter grabbed your hand and you left the quiet area to where the after party was, to meet up with MJ and Ned.
Author’s Note: Wow first Peter Parker imagine and it’s my longest one. Is this a sign? jk anyways I hope yall enjoy this! I might rewrite it and change it to first person because I keep getting confused lol. I think I should start getting into Marvel as this was really fun to write. Please like, follow, and remember requests are open! I hope you have a wonderful day ~c’ k
#page150#page150imagines#marvel#spiderman#peter parker#tony stark#peter parker x reader#peter parker imagine#spiderman imagine#writing#mcu imagine#mcu#tom holland#mary jane#ned#the avengers#avengers#rdj#robert downey jr#ironman#ironspider
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Can we talk about how Sam is as useless at this as Bucky is, really, and it’s massively sweet?
Yeah, I’m writing about Sam because we all love us some brainwashed, century-old assassin endless array of hurt/comfort here but this idea that Sam, because he’s a therapist and not always a crying, nightmare-sweat-drenched mess, is Captain Got It All Together is not truth... because this poor broken-hearted kitten absolutely does not and it makes him so much more of a better-realized, fuller character...
I’m not trying to wade any ship wars here or any fandom strife over the Bucky slant to fic/sometimes erasure of Sam here... I love both of these characters equally and ship them but my point here is that I think that because Bucky’s trauma is more well-documented and, for lack of a better word, “flashier”, that some people might think Sam looks perfectly well-adjusted. By comparison, he probably is but this other, quieter story happening with Sam is necessary reading here if you’ve been sleeping on the complexities of one Sam Wilson that aren’t the ones the show is focusing on more explicitly relating to his lived experience as a Black man in America. (They’re not completely separate either but not only this part of his life.) What do I mean, exactly?
Been wondering how these two are falling in love but can mainly just get it from Bucky’s POV because Sam is awesome and Bucky is sad and need love? Not sure what Sam is getting out of his relationship with Bucky? Not totally sure you ship it but leaning that way? Yeah, pull up a seat because this thing I wrote after Ep 5 here (so spoilers through that) is basically an old-school ship manifesto at this point but comes at SamBucky/WinterFalcon from Sam’s side, rather than Bucky’s. (I have nothing *against* Bucky. I just think you’re missing half the goodness of this show and half the surprisingly tender romance of all of this if you are not focusing on Sam as much as Bucky.) If this interests you, then read on, being forewarned that it’s a little long...
So... Sam Wilson is a sweet, kind, warm-hearted, empathetic, drop-dead gorgeous superhero soldier flying military veteran therapist... whom the canon suggests is Bucky Barnes-level obsessed with his dead former partner (in some sense of the word), Riley. You thought it was just Bucky with the angsty past love? Oh no... oh, no no no....
Consider that Sam’s been back in Delacroix twice now in TFATWS and not once has his sister-- who adores him and who knows everyone in town-- suggested that she call up any one of the at least ten decent single people she has to know who live in the area to take her f*cking *dreamboat* of a brother out. Forget the show putting Sam in like twelve pieces of canon and not throwing a single human (not named Bucky) at him and what that implies-- we all know that Sarah wouldn’t care what kind of human her brother was attracted to and yet she and the entire community of Delacroix can’t seem to find this guy a date. He’s sweet and hot and an Avenger but our Sam’s a monk, you guys... More to the point... they don’t even try. They know better than to try anymore... which says a lot.
Going back awhile now, when Sam met Steve, he was still this equally dreamy and he didn’t even have any Avengers-related problems getting in the way of his potential dating life. He had a normal job working for the VA in DC. Yet, he clearly was seeing exactly no one and while I am willing to admit that pretty much any human would drop everything and follow Steve Rogers around the world, it’s clear that Sam wasn’t seeing anyone at the time because his life was able to be dropped in a second and he also had that file with Riley’s photo at the ready, man. At. the. ready...
He responded to the opportunity to follow Steve with no less need when it came to his own post-trauma-of-war identity as Bucky does. This isn’t to say that Sam is *as* lost as Bucky because it would be hard to out-do the once-brainwashed assassin who has been alive for a hundred years but Sam saw all sorts of hell. He’s a therapist for veterans because he’s had to get beyond *his own* PTSD and he’s really aware of how that is a journey that doesn’t exactly ever end. It gets significantly better and he knows how well it can-- that’s why he can tell Bucky that there is hope of that-- but it is very clear that Sam Wilson is still suffering his own kind of PTSD and his own grief for the death of a guy who likely couldn’t love him the way he needed him to.
I know we don’t know a ton about exactly what Sam and Riley were but I think there is enough to infer that they probably actually weren’t a couple. For one thing, Sarah never mentions him and even if the show wanted to be vague about things, they could phrase it like “it’s been forever since you brought back someone to the house, haven’t met any of them since Riley” or something. There are ways to infer that they were a thing and the nature of it, if the show wanted to do that but all they have suggested so far is that Sam was in love with Riley. We know he and Riley were friends and worked on the Falcon suit project together but what we are getting out of what they are giving to us is that Sam loved him but it’s not clear that they were even a couple. I’d even say the picture of them that he shows Steve and Natasha is supposed to evoke that they weren’t a couple-- it’s of Sam looking at Riley, smiling like he’s the moon and the stars, while Riley is smiling but just a bit and he’s looking at the camera, not at Sam.
In other words, remember Miller’s analogies from school? Sam is to Riley as Bucky is to Steve. I just offended every person reading this who thinks that Steve and Bucky weren’t an unrequited thing *ducks* but I feel like we’re supposed to take from what they give us that Sam knows a little something about being mad for a guy who thinks you are his best buddy but doesn’t look at you in a romantic or sexual way and you feel like you’re dying over it. Sam gets Bucky because Sam *is* Bucky when it comes to this.
If Sam and Riley were just the best of friends, Sam still would have mourned him greatly but it would not necessarily have impacted his love life the way it seems like it might have. I’m not necessarily saying there was no one but this is a man who even when it felt like Steve Rogers-- whom Sam obviously found attractive-- seemed like he was making Sam question whether or not he was coming onto him or just super-nice and making a new fellow veteran friend... even when that was happening, Sam’s response was that he didn’t hate it or anything and he was willing to help Steve with what he needed in this friendly, advice-giving sort of way and maybe they had a thing, who knows, but it was clear that Sam-- a guy who has to be hit on *all the time*-- wasn’t really used to the idea of there being someone in his life. So, he wasn’t letting anyone into his life. He would have had the chance, no doubt. He was choosing not to. Why would you choose not to? If you were grieving the loss of a man you couldn’t get over and you thought that you weren’t ever going to love anyone like that and maybe having someone wasn’t going to happen for you.
Like, imagine Sam’s surprise when The Winter Soldier turns up, nearly kills them all, disappears and they go on the run and he starts hearing Steve’s confessional stories about the guy who was his best friend and in love with him and Steve has literally never said those words aloud because they’re from the *1940s* and he’s felt guilty all this time for hurting him. Steve’s the kind of guy who would feel guilty for not being in love with someone who was in love with him. That’s when Sam, who thought he had more in common with Steve, realizes he’s actually *Bucky Barnes* in this story. He’s the damn Winter Soldier in the Steve-and-Bucky version of him and Riley.
That is how Bucky evolves from “the kind of guy you have to stop” in Sam’s mind to the guy he’s hanging out with in every fight and snarking over the car seats with. He’s like yeesh, I thought I had a few years of this ungodly pain and that was bad... this poor bastard’s been in love with a Riley who could and probably will live until he’s a hundred and thirty. Sam starts getting into this whole antagonist origin story of The Winter Soldier here because he realizes that one wrong move-- one case of being in the wrong place at the wrong time-- and he could have been captured during the war he was in. He could have been tortured like that, so easily, and he knows what it’s like to be tortured by love in that way.
Bucky, for his part, when he begins to get his mind back and more fully remember Steve and his past, takes one look at Sam and is thinking like... that poor SOB... oh, look, it’s 21st Century Me. So, you fell for Steve Rogers, huh? Welcome to the club. We meet every Tuesday at two to discuss being the pining best friend in love with a guy who, in all likelihood, is attracted to both of us but unless Tony Stark can shake loose a bit of the freak in The Star-Spangled Man With a Plan, we’re not getting anything but a most earnest and sincere friendship out of this (and if Stark can’t, no one can....)
Like, Bucky’s Steve love is pretty pure. He wants him to be happy. He’s hurt that Steve doesn’t love him the way he loves Steve but he does love him as his best friend as well and wants him to have what he wants out of life. If that’s going back in time to Peggy Carter (who wouldn’t, really?) and leaving him behind then, fine. He wishes he were still here but he’ll deal but he’s going to be keeping an eye out for the other guy left behind-- Steve’s new modern era best friend person. Bucky’s so gone over keeping Steve safe that he can’t even resent Sam’s presence-- he’s thrilled he exists. Someone good to look after Steve when Bucky couldn’t! Sam Wilson is heaven sent and must be protected at all costs! So frequently from some kid with webbed fingers, apparently!
Sam, meanwhile, is challenged by the dilemma that Bucky appears to think that they’re in the same boat while Sam, who for sure had a little crush on Steve as who doesn’t, has really come to realize that he is far, far more into the tragic one here. He’s so irritated about it. It would be simpler if he just fell for another blond soldier with red, white and blue blood who couldn’t love him. At least he’d just be completely hopeless then but the brainwashed one? The one that thinks he’s horrid but is so good that he can’t even bring himself to be that jealous of Sam when he clearly thinks Sam is sleeping with the guy he’s loved for years?
Oh, Sam’s gone on that one...
Bucky’s still a mess then so it’s harmless enough to just pretend he’s not writing himself into touch-starved Bucky fanfic in his own mind here but when Bucky keeps saving him in different fights? When he catches him looking once or twice. When the bickering is really flirting and Sam knows he means it that way, too? When the poor guy just gets his mind back, they all reunite and go to one battle and then the two of them disappear and miss *five years* of their lives? When then, soon after, Steve is gone, too?
When it begins to feel like *they* are now the story and meant to go through the rest of these things together? I mean, when everyone else is all on about the fate and destiny of it all-- Stark’s big sacrifice being the one way to save everyone, Doctor Strange going on about all the possibilities of the universe on a saving the world level but it so personal to the people Sam and Bucky know, Steve choosing to go back in time because he can and be with the woman he loved and never got to have...
...standing there in the funerals and aftermaths of all of this together, by virtue of being Steve’s Friends Who Aren’t Really Part of This Gang Exactly... are Sam and Bucky. What are the odds that they are supposed to be the rest of one another’s story? Sam was wondering it. He for sure hadn’t felt like this since Riley... he might not have really ever felt it at all before.
Can we just admit that while there’s been some guys in the past-- and it could be rephrased as ‘some people’, as while Sam is written to suggest he’s at least into men, he could be into people who don’t identify as men as well-- but there’s not been someone who has been able to love him the way he’s loved them.
He’s from the South and Black and the show taps into the racism he’s been through as a result. Not obviously in Delacroix, where he feels safe and seen, where people care about him and don’t care that he is not straight, but in other parts. He’s been in the military, where homophobia is still pretty rampant and it’s a culture of a lot of heterosexual machismo. (Hell, the show even has a kind of walking, talking example of a guy everyone knows was the epitome of that kind of culture, even if he’s been broken by that world, too-- John Walker.) It’s not even really clear if Sam is out and, if he is, to whom. He seems to be the kind of person to want to be himself as much as possible and Sarah likely knows because they are close but I’m not so sure that a lot of Sam’s military buddies actually did. He really strikes me as the guy who gets along with everybody and whom everybody loves-- but whom few people actually *know* because he keeps himself (all of himself, not just his sexuality) private from others...
...which is also a hell of a lot like one Bucky Barnes.
Guaranteed they became such fast friends not just from being sort of left with one another in the aftermath of Steve and their attraction but because Sam was amazed to find that Bucky was actually pretty funny and Sam just kept talking to him because while he has-- or had, anyways, before he ran off with Steve-- a ton of people he’d consider friends, he doesn’t really have anyone he’d consider to be a close friend and hasn’t since Riley. Bucky, just still stunned to be free of mind control and that there was another human being talking to him instead of looking at him as a weapon to program to kill, was eager to listen to and absolutely thrilled when he could find something sarcastic to say to make Sam laugh that surprised laugh and light up.
These two damaged couple of guys spent most of this show and the months before it just terrified by how much love they were feeling for one another and were very happy to let any conflict they could get in the way of it-- any excuse to claim they weren’t feeling totally seen and run for the hills back into their own trauma.
It’s not just Bucky doing this. He might have been the one not returning the texts at the start, the one who seemed to be withdrawing more, while Sam was texting him still to check in on him but how quickly that began to flip around by Episode 5.
Suddenly, the brave one is Bucky. It was Sam for the first few episodes-- he was stil trying and so hard, despite not getting what he needed in return and Bucky still sending signals that he wanted him but was happy to still revel in being too damaged and scared to try harder. By Episode 5, though? Bucky’s not only learned to trust himself again, it is proven to be what he was afraid of: not being able to protect and love Sam the way he wanted to and that Sam would leave him. Triggered by the shield as a metaphor for not caring about Bucky, not having a reason to still pursue him, Bucky thought he had successfully pushed Sam away and that Sam would really stop texting because to not do so would be to admit to one another that they wanted to be around one another and this wasn’t just about Steve/Captain America. By Episode 5, Bucky shows up in Delacroix not perfect by any stretch of the imagination but with eyes only for Sam and is every one of Sam’s favorite Bucky Barnes fantasies come to life.
It’s now Sam flipping out. Would you have expected the Sam of the first two episodes to be a babbling mess in the face of a flirty Bucky stretching and claiming it’s time for him to go get a hotel room? To try to be playing it cool but winding up asking him to stay forever and telling him he likes his tight t-shirts in the middle there? To get so nervous that he suddenly is babbling about six toes and flirting with Sarah, showing how jealous he was of Bucky just... smiling and being this guy Steve had said was under there but that Sam had only had small glimpses of so far? If he was gone for the broken Winter Soldier... he’s wrecked by a single smile from this Bucky.
This is the same guy who spent the first few episodes confident to a point of near-cockiness, loving flirting with and teasing Bucky, the one that seemed more well-adjusted and in control of himself. Overall, he is but there’s something there when Bucky shows up and White Wolfs Sam into a sputtering mess who is sending him little glances, as if they’ve switched bodies from the first few episodes. It shows *just how much* Sam is comfortable with Bucky and how rare it is for him because he would react differently to Bucky’s more overt flirting of Episode 5 if how he is with Bucky was his default in life. Instead, we see that some of it is posturing-- it’s the Sam equivalent of lifting heavy things and using power tools. His is the humor (what’s a better aphrodisiac than making the Winter Soldier laugh or flirt back or blush?) and the bicker-caring. We even see where it comes from, in a way. Sam is a soldier-- he knows how to help other traumatized soldiers and when we saw him in his VA group session when we met him, we saw him using that kind of machismo world and its language to communicate with the soldiers in the group. The difference for him with them versus him with Bucky is that he’s also flirting with Bucky. The buddy cop thing is intentional-- it’s Sam’s strategy, it’s been Bucky’s choice to respond to it and they’re playacting it as how they talk because it’s been easier than admitting that they are completely gone on another and just want all the soft things.
Up until recently anyway and now Sam’s reeling from a man he’s fallen in love with showing up and loving him back. Don’t think for a second that Bucky doesn’t know enough by now to know that it’d totally undo Sam but the surprise of it to the audience only really exists if you don’t think Sam and Bucky have anything in common besides their now-gone mutual friend. In reality, they’re endgame.
#tfatws#sam wilson#sambucky#bucky barnes#thefalconandthewintersoldier#marvel#bucky#buckysam#winterfalcon
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If You Please
Chapter three
Bucky Barnes x Reader
Word Count: 1994
I'm bad at writing descriptions, so this is basically a reader insert into The First Avenger and then we'll see how it goes from there.
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Masterlist
The afternoon passed quickly and soon it was almost time to go to bed. I was sitting in a chair, reading, in the living room. Steve was sitting in the chair to my left, drawing away in his sketchbook. For as long as I could remember growing up, Steve had wanted to become a comic illustrator. When we were younger he drew small comic strips about the adventures Bucky, himself, and I would go on. They were always fun to read, but then the US entered the war 3 years ago and Steve stopped drawing all the time and focused on trying to join the fighting. He even got Bucky to help train him at the local boxing gym in the afternoons. Now he only drew when he was anxious or if something was on his mind. I knew if I asked he would just deny it and put everything away.
“I’m off to bed Stevie. Don’t stay up too late,” I yawned. I placed my bookmark in between the pages and quietly pulled myself up from my chair. Steve followed and gave me a short hug.
“I won’t, I’ll probably head to bed here in a few minutes. Thank you for helping me pack today,” he said quietly.
“You’re welcome, I’ll see you off in the morning. Goodnight.” I headed out into the small hallway and into my bedroom. I got myself ready, turned off the bedside lamp, and then crawled into bed. The day had been fast but exhausting. I let my eyes close and my mind drifted to thoughts of Bucky on the ship headed to Europe. Was he okay, did he miss me yet, was he alone? I knew he would be fine, but I prayed anyway. I prayed that he would come back to me safe and sound. I also thought of Steve and how he would be going off to training. I knew Dr. Erskine had some plan involving Steve in Project Rebirth, but I just hoped that he knew what he was doing and that Steve would be safe.
Project Rebirth wasn't something to take lightly. We were creating stronger, faster, and better soldiers. Steve had no clue what he was getting himself into and even though I couldn’t tell him I was involved with this project yet, I would be by his side each step of the way.
Finally, tiredness overtook my worried thoughts and I drifted into a deep, dreamless sleep.
The next morning started like any other, I woke up to the jarring sound of the alarm clock by my head. After stretching I got out of bed and walked to the bathroom to wash the sleep from my face. The warm water helps to wake me up. When I was through with that I made my way into the kitchen to start making breakfast for myself and Steve like always. I had just placed the bread in the toaster when Steve strolled groggily into the room. He went over to the counter where I had placed our bowls of cereal and grabbed one. Then he walked over to the table to take a seat. When the toast was ready I put the pieces on a plate and took them over to the table after grabbing my cereal bowl. Steve grabbed a piece of toast off the plate and slowly started to eat.
“You look like you’re about to pass out, did you even go to bed like I told you,” I questioned him and took a few bites of my cereal.
“Yes, I went straight to bed a few minutes after you did,” he replied while glancing up from his cereal and through his lashes.
“Well, the dark circles under your eyes prove otherwise. You won't be able to stay up late and sleep in after you move into the barracks.” He shook his head and kept eating. “Well,” I started with a sigh, “I’ve got to head off to work in a few, I can walk you as far as the subway.”
“Thanks, It would be nice if you could come with me but I know you can't take off on such short notice.” I smiled at him and we continued to eat our breakfast in peaceful silence. After we finished I went to grab the empty dishes but Steve grabbed them before I could. “Here, let me. You go get ready.” I thanked him and went on to get ready for the workday.
When walking to the subway Steve and I cut up and joked like we always did. It wasn’t until we were almost at the subway stop that we became quieter. I grabbed Steve and pulled him into a tight hug.
“I’ll see you later. Try not to get into too much trouble during training,” I joked before pulling away.
“I can’t guarantee that but I’ll try my best not to. Have a good day at work, and remember to lock the door when you get home, I know you forget to do that at times. I won't be there to lock it behind you if you forget.”
“That was one time, but I’ll remember to check it before I go to bed. Now go or you'll miss your ride.” I watched as he walked away, I waved to him when he turned around to me. I stood watching until he walked down the subway stairs. After he was gone I started on my way to the recruitment office, which was just about three blocks away.
It was a peaceful walk, the city was starting to come alive around me as I went. Women and men on their way to work and children on their way to school. The recruitment office was slowly coming into view, I could already see a line of young men standing from the door and down the sidewalk.
Once I made it to the building I maneuvered my way through the crowd of boys and headed to the back office where a short old woman sat at a desk sorting through some files. She looked up at me and smiled while she said, “Beautiful morning, do you have the time?”
I responded quickly with the other half of the code phrase, “Unfortunately my watch has stopped at 4:18.” She nodded and reached her hand under the desk to press a tiny button that would unlock a secret door that was hidden behind four large filing cabinets. I quickly headed in before anyone could come into the back room. The door closed softly behind me and locked back into place. I continued to walk down the dimly lit hallway until I found the women's locker room. Part of keeping the secret of working for the military was that I had to keep my uniform in the hidden base and change into it when I went into work.
After quickly changing into the uniform I left the locker room to go to the elevator that was directly at the end of the hall. I pressed the down button and the doors opened up. While inside I pressed the third level button and waited for the elevator to jerk to life.
As the doors slid open onto the third level basement floor I saw many people running around the yellow-lit hallways. I walked out into the hallway and was greeted by Agent Peggy Carter, who was walking towards me from the meeting room to my left. “Morning Carter, what's on the agenda today,” I questioned.
“Good morning Rogers, I believe today you and I will be going to Camp Lehigh to scout out the new recruits for Project Rebirth. We will be helping with their training starting before lunchtime today.” She kept walking as she explained the plans for today, I followed closely behind her.
“Then we should get to the car, it is almost nine,” I noted as we kept going through several corridors to the garage. “I have some things to tell you as soon as we leave.” Peggy nodded but kept quiet. After about a minute of walking, we made it to the large parking garage. It had been built under the secret base as a quick getaway escape or just a way to move discreetly in and out of the city. Some of the tunnels that were connected to the garage went on for several miles. The one we would be taking surfaced only a few miles away from Camp Lehigh.
As we reached the car, Peggy and I both opened our doors and slid into the back seat. A young army man was already in the driver's seat ready to drive us away. “What is it you wanted to tell me about earlier,” she asked.
“Do you remember me telling you about my older brother Steve?” I questioned while looking over at her.
“The one that keeps trying to enlist? I remember.” She nodded her head as she spoke.
“Yeah, that's the one. Well, yesterday he told me that he’s been recruited, and by Dr. Erskine. So that means that he is going to be one of the candidates for Project Rebirth. He has no clue what my job actually is, but with me being heavily involved in this project, will it be a problem? Are there any protocols that need to be followed?” She shook her head and let out a soft chuckle when mentioned Dr. Erskine. Then she looked out the window and seemed to think for a minute.
Turning back to me she said, “There isn’t any protocol that I can think of, other than that you have to treat him exactly like you would treat the other recruits. This is a sort of gray area because of your heavy involvement with this project over the last several years and the fact that Dr. Erskine himself chose your brother to be in this program.” I slowly nodded my head as she continued. “That being said, If we encounter him, I would give him a small explanation of why you are there without giving him any information about the project, and that while he is there in training, you are his superior, not his sister.”
“Okay, thanks. That's what I was thinking but I just wanted to ask you just in case. When I see him I’ll pull him over to the side and explain.” I paused for a second and lifted my hand up to grab at the necklace I had been wearing. Dangling from the small chain was a dainty art deco style ring, which once belonged to Bucky’s mother. I turned in between my fingers and watched as what little light there was, bounced off the small square diamond in the middle. I placed it back under my blouse. “James left yesterday with the 107th, I still haven’t said anything to Steve.”
“You’re going to have to tell him eventually, it will be better if it’s sooner than later. Since James is his friend he shouldn't be that mad. Trust me, I know from experience.” After saying this she looked out her window and for the briefest moment, I saw a look of sadness go across her face.
“I know I should tell him, but Steve has it in his head that James is someone who isn't going to settle down anytime soon.”
“That’s probably because neither of you has given Steve reason to not believe that James is that way. He’s your brother and he trusts your judgment, if it doesn't go over smoothly just give him time, he’ll come to realize that you and James love one another, and there really isn't anything he can do about it,” she stated matter-of-factly. “Here,” she handed me a small stack of manila folders, “look over these. They’re the files on all the project recruits.”
I opened the first folder and started to skim over the information and thought this was going to be a long drive.
#james buchanan barnes#bucky x y/n#bucky barnes#bucky x reader#bucky x female reader#bucky fic#bucky fanfic#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes x rogers!reader#winter solider x reader#marvel fic#marvel fanfiction
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Through His Eyes - Part Eighteen
Summary - Bucky arrives at the compound to start afresh but you and him have a somewhat colorful past, colorful being that you met him once before as The Winter Soldier and it did not go well. New beginnings, yeah? If you can learn to forgive.
Pairing - Bucky x Reader
Warnings - Angst, denial, self loating, all the sad stuff guys. Also, weird breakfast habits courtesy of one Clint Barton
A/N - Hi, it’s me, trying not to act on the need to reintroduce myself here lol. Anyways, sorry its been forever, again. I fix? Feedback loved and appreciated. <3 HUGE thank you to my other half @manawhaat for taking my scraps and forcing me to do better. I love you.
Through His Eyes Masterlist
"Auntie Mallow, what happened to your face?" Nate asks as soon as he spies you from his place at the kitchen table, running over to tackle hug you. "Were you attacked? Was it by Ninjas? Did you kick butt?"
"Woah, woah, one question at a time, little man," you say, and then pretend whisper, "Twelve of them, butts all kicked."
"Cool!" He shouts, disappearing into the house with a few karate chops.
"Yeah, he's going through a Ninja phase at the moment. He's gonna be dining out on that story for a week." Laura explains, a cup of cocoa already in your hand and hers giving your bruise a once over, a fond smile at the edge of her lips.
"Training accident with Steve. Nothing exciting." She hugs you anyway, warm and kind and everything you need. Laura and her magical hugs, they always soften the edges of even the sharpest of pains. It's why Sam so often referred to her as Mother of All, because she just made you feel seen, loved.
"I'll be upstairs putting the monsters to bed. Shout if you need me." She gives Clint a kiss on the cheek on her way past and his eyes linger on her a little longer as she leaves. Your spine aches from the way he looks at her, a lifetime of love poured in a single glance.
He turns back to you, looks at you in an entirely different kinda way but it doesn't make you ache any less, you wonder if your story is leaking out of your eyes like a kaleidoscope of words and feelings, projected for any and all to see. Laid bare in look alone. He looks at you long enough for you to regret coming, not wanting to deal with any of the mess you'd created just yet, but he surprises you by instead asking, "You hungry?"
He makes you a burger that you readily inhale and then realise just how long it had been since you'd eaten. Clint asks nothing, expects nothing, simply fills your belly and earns a few shaky laughs before ushering you to the barn where a warm bed was waiting.
"This place looks a lot nicer than the last time I stayed here." You smile at the memory and he rolls his eyes back.
"Well, we had some time to convert it to a guesthouse. Not like the last time you and Sam showed up, drank the entire contents of my booze cabinet and passed out in the field." He hugs you again and backs up towards the door, "You're lucky I dragged your asses in here instead of letting you wake up a few fingers short."
“My fingers are grateful.” You laugh, and wiggle them a little, then add, “My back, not so much.”
“Goodnight, marshmallow.”
“Goodnight Clint.”
You wait till he leaves before letting the smile slide right off your face, exhaustion tugging on your bones with weary determination that you're almost grateful for. It means, if nothing else, that sleep might come easy and the pain might subside even for a few hours. You change into the clothes Clint loaned you, sweats and an old S.H.I.E.L.D t-shirt, and dump your stuff on the chair. You fish your phone out of your pocket to send Sam a quick text but realise the battery is dead. Well, if you weren't in trouble before, you sure are now. Tomorrow's problem, you suppose, before sliding into the lavender fresh bed and curling up on your side. Counting your blinks and willing the day to end, desperately trying not to notice how much you miss his scent on your sheets.
When sleep finds you, it comes armed with weapons of anguish laden eyes or the defeated sigh of your name, and your heart tears itself in two when the sighs turn silent. It's a punishment, you think, when you wake that morning no longer sure if you can stand to lose him from your dreams, too. You’ve lost most of the skin around your thumb nail by the time you work up the energy to go to the house, the blood that leaks out of the worried away skin is like a physical representation of your heart. You hate it.
You don’t.
The kitchen is unusually silent when you enter and you wonder how long you spent avoiding leaving your bed when you spot Clint at the counter, eating happily, but horribly, from his bowl. He smiles and tips his spoon, then tips it towards the empty bowl and cereal packets waiting on the counter for you. A cereal buffet.
“Mornin’,” you say, pouring out the sugariest one you can find, “Is that...is that all the cereals in one bowl?”
“Yup,” he grins, “Laura and the kids are away to swim in the lake, so I get to do this.” He scoops a mishmash onto his spoon and has the indecency to enjoy it. Disgusting.
“That is… honestly, I don’t even have words.” You do everything you can not to stare at the grey looking milk that is swirling around in his house of horrors of a bowl.
He fills in the silence with some nonsense, a little laughter and a tale or two about the kids, letting you shake off the sleep, and the dreams, and finish your cereal before he pops the bubble. You love him for it, and hate him for it. A theme, it seems.
“So…” He begins, eyebrows raised in a little ‘tell me’ motion.
“So,” you say, and nothing more.
“Steve called.” That didn’t take long.
“Of course he did.”
“He was worried.” He says, and then adds, not unkindly, “Sam was, too. Apparently, you left without any heads up.”
You huff, “Well, I’m grown. I do what I want.” You throw in a pout for good measure.
“And that means you couldn’t reply to a text?”
You tuck your shoulders at that. “I, uh, didn’t exactly bring a charger.” You hold out the offending item and he sighs, but says nothing, simply takes your phone from you and plugs it into a waiting wire beside him.
“Right.” He waits, knowing your little pout is for show, until the scowl slips into something else. “You wanna tell me about him.”
And so you do, how much you hated him, and then how much you wanted to hate him, and then how much you didn’t hate him at all.
He lets you pour it all out, lets you drain every last drop of guilt and whisper every unchecked secret, the words burst from within that pressure cooker inside your chest. It hurts so much to bare yourself like this that you expect to look down and see blood seeping from a hole in your chest. Instead, you see only granite countertops and blurry hands.
"So, I ended it." You say, flattening your hands on your knees so you don't have to see them shake, see the physical manifestation of your very bad decision making. "It's for the best."
"Is it?" Clint asks plainly. "For him, or for you?"
"What do you mean?" You frown, his words making the hairs on your arms stand up, your body one step ahead as your mind fights to catch up.
"Ok kid, I'm gonna level with you, yeah?" He fixes you with a look that feels very Dad-Like and you bite back a little smile, despite the heavy tone. "I don't think it's a coincidence that you came here, to me, the only other person who might have the slightest inkling what it might feel like being under someone else's control."
"I…," You begin, and then snap your mouth closed as the words settle over you. Was he right? Was it intentional, you wonder, to seek out Clint? No, no...
"You just live the furthest away." You scoff, but not with much luster, doubt creeping in over that wallowing fog.
"You're not running away, kid." He says, confidently, "You're looking for answers."
You consider that for a moment, wonder if there was some remaining strand of hope left in the burnt out tapestry of your want, but you know that even that strand is not enough.
"There are no answers you can give that will fix this." You say sadly, resolutely.
"Why don't you try me?" He offers, reaching out to stop your hands from worrying away the skin around your nails again. Something you hadn't even noticed you were doing.
"I don't think I have any questions?" Even to your own ears, you don’t sound sure. He simply looks at you a little longer, waiting. “Fine, maybe...maybe, just one.” He nods for you to continue. “How did you face Nat, you know, after Loki?”
“After I tried to kill her, you mean?” He supplies helpfully, face graced with that confident little smirk that never really leaves, refusing to balk at it like any sane person should.
“Well...yeah.” You admit, trying not to cringe at your cavalier questioning. This was his idea, after all.
“I didn’t.” He says, “Not at first anyway, but you know Nat, stubborn as hell and she just outright refused to let me have a pity party.” He laughs, “Monsters and magic, she said to me, we weren’t trained for that. And she was right, nobody is prepared for what we went through, or what he went through.”
It’s true, there’s nothing in the world that can prepare you for something like that, so how can anyone expect a how-to guide on getting over it. Or at least, working through it. You doubt there is a therapist in the world that has much insight on these particular demons, god knows they had enough trouble with yours.
You think about Clint now, about how very much a team he and Nat are, even within the team itself. It’s like it never happened.
“But don’t you think about it, that day, when you see her?” You ask, subconsciously zeroing in on what you really want to know. There’s something there, you know it, but you're not sure what it is yet.
“No, not anymore. Maybe initially, but I did the work. Laura helped me work through it, so did Nat.” He looks at you intently, like he just figured something out, frowns a little and tilts his head. “Do you?”
“Do I what?” You ask, watching his puppy dog tilt with confusion.
“Do you think about that when you see him?” Oh. Oh, that.
“No.” You answer honestly, “Not for a while.” It’s the truth. The soldier and Bucky feel so far apart from each other it’s like they’ve never even met. And they haven’t really, you think. One existed exactly over the top of the other.
“So seeing him, being with him, it doesn’t take you back to that time?” He asks, and it feels like he’s getting at something or putting puzzle pieces together the way he words the question, but it’s inherently still the same one he asked.
“No... I mean, it did, of course it did, for a long time. But, like you, I did the work.”
It doesn’t even occur to you what Clint is getting at, as you sit there sifting through what he said and how it overlaps with what you know. So when he asks, your heart suspends in place, simply stopping in between beats like there was a limit and you’ve simply reached it.
“Then tell me, why are you so sure he does?”
“He still has nightmares about me, Clint.” You point out, the fear in his eyes still fresh in your mind, like a brand on your soul you’ll never be rid of. Another stain, another scar. The final matching one.
“He has one bad dream in the what, months, you’ve been together and you think you know what he needs?” You blink stupidly at him, feeling the pit in your stomach extend just a few more inches, digging itself further into your soul. “Look, kid, if you had come here and told me you didn’t feel a certain way about him, I’d be behind you 100%. But you’re denying yourself something here. Is it complicated? Fuck yes. Look at your life, what part isn’t?”
Complicated, ha! The blood in your vein sings angrily at the notion, that you weren’t over here tearing yourself in two just to protect Bucky from himself, from you. That it wasn’t bigger than complicated. Your feelings, whatever they were, they didn’t matter. What was so difficult to understand in that? It’s exactly the reason you were here and not with Sam, although that decision is becoming stupider by the moment.
You start to shake your head, ready to say much of the same to Clint when he holds up a hand, not in surrender but to continue.
“You asked what I see when I look at Nat, now. Well, I see movie nights, and Sal’s pizza, and pissing off Tony and every other memory we’ve made together since then. Isn’t that what you see when you look at Bucky?”
Like a prayer, his name conjures his image in your mind, those smiling ocean eyes, the kind tilt to his smile, the shape of his mouth when he says your name. Not even the ghost of the Soldier hovers. You blink back the tears that are threatening to escape your eyes and answer honestly. “Yes…”
“I’m willing to bet that’s what he sees too.” He smiles at you, sad and sorry. “I remember just after I got back from New York, I had this whole thing about everything being my choice. You know, what missions I went on, when I went on them, what I had to eat - Laura was a saint with that one. There’s just something about it, not being in control of yourself, that unsettles your whole being, right, that every choice I made felt like I was taking something back from Loki. Like I was fighting back even though there was nothing to fight against.”
You reach out and squeeze his hand, his words dropping like stones in your chest, each one adding to that growing feeling, that one you can’t or won’t name.
“So, if this is about him, about protecting him or whatever it is you think you are doing...don’t. Don’t take that choice from him.”
The stones turn to boulders, drag down in your gut and pull till you might tear at the seams, pull and pull till your nerves are screaming with all that guilt, again, that you carry around and the unending pain that follows it. You knew what it was like, you knew, and yet Clint was right, you’d stolen his choices just like they had, when all he’d ever done was give you them.
“Just answer this, okay?”
You nod, but you already know what he’s going to ask and you can’t answer him, don’t know how to. Your whole being is centered around this part of you, this shadowed pain that makes up half of your personality. Who were you if not the half broken remains from behind the green door? How can you possibly move past it enough to...feel that way?
“Do you love him?”
No, you don’t love. You can’t. You like him? Sure. You want him? Absolutely. But love? Unattainable. The ghost of him is there again, sudden and solid, looking at you the way he does, grazing his lips along your cheek that way he does, the gentlest of hands holding you that way he does, loving you that way he does.
Because he does. He loves you and it's awful and terrifying and euphoric. Suddenly, you can’t stand another minute of this war with yourself, with him, with everyone. The fight was always pointless anyway, you’d lost long ago on the dirty floor of a gym where secrets sprouted from pain and bloomed into hope. The boulders grow wings and they lift, letting your chest fill up with that fear and euphoria, shaking off the shackles of your guilt for the last time. You have your choices, so he should have his, right?
There they are, those damned butterflies. “Yes.”
Clint smiles, knew the answer the second he laid eyes on your weary face yesterday. “Then let him love you back.”
TAGS: @manawhaat @theashhole @captainrogerss @higherfurtherfasterbby @peculiar-persephone @captain-rogers-beard @chrisevansnco @howlingbarnes @poealsobucky @samingtonwilson @vintagevalentinexx @abovethesmokestacks @imhereforbvcky @avengerofyourheart @stormy-thomas @danijimenezv @angelicthor @betheboo55 @palaiasaurus64 @raxacoricofallapatoriuspotter @johnmurphys-sass @katbird787 @sexyvixen7 @jobean12-blog @justreadingfics @justareader @smoothdogsgirl @theliarone @aikibriarrose @timeladylaurel @badassbakers @earinafae @crushed-pink-petals-writes @tardis-is-mine @httpmcrvel @bucky2-0 @mocking-rain @sociallyimpairedme @jezzula @bless-my-demons @ign-is @indominusregina @-supernatural-coffee-llama @alwayshave-faith @shifutheshihtzu @mizzzpink @yknott81 @haven-in-writing @xtina2191 @reniescarlett @notsoprettykitty @wickedwerewolf @ayeputita @tatalopes23 @pineapplebooboo @mizzezm @thefridgeismybestie @memory-of-a-goldfish @supernatural-girl97 @standing-onthe-edge @ruinerofcheese @mysweetcookie99
#through his eyes#kale writes#bucky x reader#bucky barnes x reader#winter soldier x reader#marvel fanfic
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Opposites Attract
Warren Worthington III x Female Reader
Request 1: Brooooo i’ve got a boyfriend was amazing! like you don’t understand how much i loved it. if you ever have time can you do like a continuation piece of fluff with warren and the reader or like when they met and became a couple? like same mutant and stuff
Request 2: Aww I loved the one shot with mother nature and Warren! I loved how her eyes turned pink, when she saw Warren! I'd like to know more about them. Could you give us a little fluffy glimpse into their relationship? Thank you, my dear! You're amazing! 💕
I also may make a little fluffy fic about these two later! (also i know I’ve used this gif before, oh well)
Warnings: Swearing and mentions of sex
Word Count: 7.9k
Ever since she was little, (Y/N) had a green thumb. Her parents had her play outside, help them do yard work, and she had her own collection of house plants from a young age.
It wasn’t until she started getting older that things started to change. Maybe be more than just a “green thumb.”
Leaves grew in her hair and vines wrapped around her legs. Her eyes started changing color based on her mood. She looked like a woodland creature.
-
With high hopes and her bags packed, she went to Xavier’s school for gifted youngsters. To find someone like her, or just find a place to fit in.
Her eyes were green and she was ready to meet new people.
-
(Y/N) fit in great. Her roommate could control the weather, which made their room a true plant haven, and she had a whole group of friends— and if you asked, no one could find anything bad to say about her.
“She’s so sweet! She gave me some daisies when I was having a bad day.”
“(Y/N) helped me study for my math test. I got a 92 because of her.”
“(Y/N) threw a surprise party for my birthday. It was wonderful!”
Everyone liked her, and she liked everyone. Her eyes were almost always green and yellow— meaning she was happy and excited.
But one day they weren’t green and yellow.
-
“Alright, everyone. Your partner for the project is listed on the board. You can get to work.” (Y/N) looked over the list eagerly, excited for the inevitable mountain of work she’d be splitting with someone— it would be a good bonding experience.
Her eyes scanned the list until she spotted her name. (Y/N) (Y/L/N) & Warren Worthington.
(Y/N) glanced at him. Warren was pulling books out of his bag, earbuds in.
I don’t… I don’t know Warren that well. This will be a great opportunity for me. We have lots of mutual friends, so this should be easy.
“Hi.”
Warren paused his music and pulled out an earbud, “Hey.”
“We’re partners.”
“Right, right. Sit down.” She pulled up a chair and set her notebook on the desk. “So I was thinking since we have to talk about a political issue, we could do something that has lots of information available. Women’s rights, climate change, issues with the 1%, the problem with the rising trend of plant-based diets, mutant rights…” Warren didn’t say anything. He just listened. “We don’t have to do anything I listed, they’re just suggestions.”
“Okay… We could do something on mutant rights. That’s probably the easiest since we’re mutants.”
(Y/N) nodded, “Yeah, that works with me.” She wrote down their paper topic and the due date in her notebook. “I’m not sure if we’ll get enough time in class to work this week so I’ll give you my number.” Warren got on his phone and opened a new contact.
He held it out to you, “Here, just put it in.”
You took it from his hands and typed in your name and number. You handed the phone back to him and moments later you got a text from an unknown number.
UNKNOWN: This is Warren.
(Y/N): Hi! This is (Y/N)
He didn’t text back. “Okay, so I’m gonna make a google doc and share it with you.” Warren nodded.
(Y/N) had a small, lopsided smile on her face. “You don’t talk much do you?”
“I talk.”
“Yeah, but— I meant… Never mind.”
Warren raised his eyebrows. He knew exactly what she meant. But people weren’t supposed to like him. Warren was evil and scary. Sure, not as much as he used to be, but the school’s Disney princess didn’t need an interest in him. Jubilee and Jean would just yell at him for it, plus a good 30% of the school shipped her with Kurt, and he didn’t want to get in the way of that.
As the bell rang, dismissing everyone from their class, Warren noticed (Y/N)’s eyes were slightly different as she left his desk. They had a slight bit of pink to them.
What does pink mean?
-
“I think he hates me.” (Y/N) announced as she face-planted onto Jubilee’s bed, letting vines grow and cover her like a blanket.
“Who?” Jubilee asked.
“Warren! We’re partners for the history paper thing and he, I dunno— he didn’t seem to want to be my partner.”
Jubilee looked at her sulking friend, “That’s it?”
“I don’t get it! We’re in the same friend group, we probably have similar interests, and I’ve never been rude to him.”
“He’s probably just tired. School is stressful, and I’m sure he just doesn’t want more work on top of everything he already has to do. I’m sure you have nothing to do with it.”
(Y/N) groaned into the pillow, “I can’t get a bad grade, and if he doesn’t like me then that makes things awkward in our friend group.”
Jubilee laid next to her, face up. “It’s Warren… he’s… he’s got some trauma and other issues. I’m sure he’ll warm up to you eventually… Not everyone’s going to break down their walls after one conversation.”
(Y/N) groaned against and wrapped her makeshift leave blanket tight around her body.
“I’m going to get some food… Please take your vines with you when you leave.”
“Yes, mom.” (Y/N) mumbled.
-
“What’s her motive?” Warren asked Peter. Peter shrugged. “There’s no way she’d be nice to me just to be nice.”
“I dunno, man. She’s nice to everyone, and I’ve never heard one bad thing about her. She yelled at me and her eyes turned red once, but that’s about it.” He took a bite of his sandwich, “Why do you even care anyway?”
Kurt and Scott sat down with them, interrupting their conversation.
“Shh! Not now…” Peter waved them off to make them silent. “Answer my question, Worthington.”
“Cause I’m not a good person. (Y/N) shouldn’t want to try and be my friend. Too many people would get upset about it. Do you know how many people want her to date, Kurt? Tiffany Jones DMed me on Instagram telling me to not ruin that. Tiffany Jones! We’ve never even spoken to each other! I didn’t even know she followed me.”
Peter held back an eye roll. Warren was a good person, despite his past. Would he ever realize this? Probably not.
“Okay well, (Y/N) is just kind to everyone. It fits her whole “Mother Nature” vibe she’s got going on. Just don’t be a dick to her and you’ll be fine.”
“She wants to date me?” Kurt asked and his cheeks were slightly violet and flushed.
“No, Kurt,” Warren interjected. “People want you two to date. It’s like Stranger Things— some people wanted Nancy to date, Johnathan, others wanted her to date, Steve. They shipped her with someone. People do it with you and (Y/N), and it’s kinda weird but to each their own, I guess.”
“Oh... But why me? Why not you or someone else?”
“Because you’re both liked by everyone, and you’re nice to everyone. I’m like... Rodrick from Diary of a Wimpy kid; (Y/N) is a Disney princess. We wouldn’t mix.”
Peter and Scott tried holding back snickers, as Warren was kinda right. He was a punk emo with daddy issues, and he wasn’t half bad with a drum set.
“Don’t opposites attract?”
Warren waved him off, “That’s a myth.”
Kurt shrugged, “Andy and April from Parks and Rec worked out.”
“They’re fictional, and (Y/N) could date almost any guy here. Why would she want to date me?”
Silence. “She doesn’t. End of story. She’s just overly nice and I thought for a moment maybe someone was forcing her to be or she like, wanted to sleep with me or something.” Warren shrugged, “I dunno.”
“You sound like the plot of a Tame Impala song.” Warren threw a grape at Scott’s head, missing him by an inch or so. “Hey! Just because I’m calling you out for obsessing over a girl doesn’t mean you can get mad at me. I could have gotten hurt!”
“Dude, it’s a grape. Plus you have glasses on. You would have been fine,” Peter said.
“It’s the matter of the thing.” Peter rolled his eyes at his roommate’s dramatics.
“You know I wouldn’t purposely hurt you.” Warren reminded him.
“Still… You can’t get mad because a cute girl is being nice to you.”
“I’m not mad, I’m confused. There’s a difference.”
Scott nodded mocking him by agreeing, “Uh-huh… And in about a week you’ll be gushing over how amazing she is and how you’d do anything for her, and how you could just watch her do nothing all day.”
“That’s you. You described yourself.”
Scott raised his eyebrows as he played with the fry in his hand. “And? I know I’m whipped, I don’t care— You on the other hand…” Warren glared at him. Scott smirked and popped the fry into his mouth.
“What color were her eyes when you talked to her?” Peter asked.
“I don’t know, uh, green? Aren’t they almost always green?”
Scott nodded, and Peter continued talking. “Yeah, but I was just curious. If she really didn’t want to be nice to you just because then maybe her eyes would have been like brown or something— I dunno. There’s a million different options.”
As Peter was going on and on about (Y/N)’s eyes changing color, Warren’s mind started to drift off to their interaction in class.
Her eyes were green, but they weren’t pure green…
“You don’t talk much do you?”
Warren’s eyes met hers, “I talk.”
“Yeah, but— I meant… Never mind.”
Her eyes were pink. Only for a little while, and Warren almost thought he imagined it— but he didn’t. There was no way.
But what did pink mean?
“What does it mean if her eyes turn pink? Like a millennial pink sort of.”
Peter furrowed his brows as he thought for a moment, “You know… I don’t know… I don’t think her eyes have ever turned pink before.”
“Oh.” Warren frowned a little. He was expecting Peter to know, or at least have a vague idea.
-
Warren was showering when his phone dinged. He only had sound on when he wasn’t 100% available, in case of an emergency.
He held his arm out to grab his phone and keep it from getting wet.
(Y/N): Hey, Warren!
He sighed, it was just (Y/N). Nothing major.
Warren: What’s up?
(Y/N): Want to work on the paper together? Ororo ran to the store with Raven so my room is available.
Warren debated for a few seconds whether or not he should go. He didn't have anything else to do, and it wasn’t that late.
Warren: Sure. I’ll be down in about 20 mins.
(Y/N): *thumbs up emoji*
Warren smiled to himself before finishing his shower.
-
(Y/N) tried to make the room look presentable as possible, which was hard to do with all the plants everywhere— on her side and Ororo’s.
There was a knock on the door. (Y/N) glanced in the mirror, making sure she didn’t look too frazzled. Then she opened the door to let Warren in.
His hair was damp and he smelt like a vanilla candle, he wore sweatpants and an oversized hoodie. One large enough to hide his wings in, so there were no holes cut in the back.
“Hi! I hope wasn’t interrupting you or anything…”
He shut the door behind him, “No, I was just in the shower.” He glanced around the room. Warren had been in it before, most of the time to hang out with Ororo, but he never really paid attention to (Y/N)’s half. Her side of the room was covered in fairy lights and plants. A lot of plants.
“Sit wherever you want. Just kinda ignore all the plants—“ Some of the vines hanging around her bed moved as she sat down.
“Okay.” He sat down in the desk chair.
“So… I got a couple of news articles dealing with mutant rights— one about the adoption laws varying from state to state… another about some of the protests in Chicago due to the girl with gills getting fired from her job…”
-
Surprisingly, Warren and (Y/N) finished their paper sooner than they thought they would. “I’m gonna send it to Jubilee so she can give criticism since she’s in honors.”
“Sounds good.” (Y/N) nodded, typing away on her laptop.
Then Warren’s stomach growled. He blushed.
“Sorry— I didn’t eat after training…”
“You skipped dinner?”
“Yeah, I wasn’t that hungry and I took a shower. I didn’t really eat lunch either… I’ve been kinda preoccupied—“
“What the hell?! You have to eat! Your body needs nutrition! You of all people should know that— you’re like, 90% muscle.”
“It’s just one time.”
“Doesn’t matter. Come on— we finished our paper. You’re getting something to eat.”
-
(Y/N) held Warren’s hand as she dragged him into the kitchen. They received a few weird stares, but it didn’t concern her.
How could Warren be so careless?
“Sit.” She pointed to a bar stool. “I’ll make something.” Warren nodded and sat down.
“Do you have any food allergies?”
“Don’t think so.”
“Great, I’ll make something basic.” (Y/N) looked through the fridge before settling on the cheese.
Grilled cheese is easy enough. Plus I can make myself one.
She turned on a stovetop and put the buttered bread on the pan.
She grabbed two plates from a cabinet using the vines from her arms— they extended to reach and wrap around the plates and set them on the table. Warren watched in awe. It looked effortless— kind of like when telepaths move things with their mind, they make it seem like anyone could do it.
“Does it take effort? Manipulating plants?”
(Y/N) shook her head as she set Warren’s sandwich on a plate, and got her’s onto the pan. “Not the vines on my body. Other plants, though, it depends. If I’m just moving a vine or tree branch out of my way, that’s easy, but to have a sapling grow into a fully formed oak tree? That takes a bit more energy. Sometimes in my sleep I accidentally cause plants to grow— I’ll wake up next to an apple tree, or even a pumpkin or watermelon.”
“Really?” He was surprised.
“Yeah. Also, the weather can affect me too. If it’s sunny out and the plants are thriving, I’m usually more awake and can do more without feeling weak, but if it’s cold and cloudy or even snowing, it takes a bit more effort.”
(Y/N)’s eyes were a vibrant green and yellow, you could tell she was excited to tell someone about her mutation. She looked genuinely happy to talk about it.
“That’s really cool. I didn’t know you could do all that.”
He swore her eyes flashed a bit of pink again, but it could have been the lighting.
“No one really asks… and besides, you can’t really use plants in the danger room.”
“I bet you could…” Warren offered. “If you found a way.”
She glanced down at her sandwich, “Maybe…”
“Can I ask you something else?”
She looked up and nodded. Her eyes definitely had some pink now. Warren didn’t know why, but he wasn’t going to ask.
“What’s up with you and Kurt?”
“Oh— Oh, um, I mean it’s nothing.” Her eyes were purple as she spoke, “People started some rumors after I helped Xavier as his TA for Kurt’s English class, and no one wanted to read for Juliet so I read for her and people decided to ship us. We’re not actually dating.”
“That was a while back… people still haven’t let that go?”
She shook her head, “Plus, people think ‘Oh, Kurt’s so innocent, and (Y/N) is too. They’d make a great couple.’ Which is dumb because guys and girls can be similar and just be friends.”
“Yeah, but a lot of people want you guys together. I had a girl DM me on Instagram to not get in the way of it.”
(Y/N)‘s eyes widened in surprise, “What? Why?”
“I dunno. I guess she thought I’d pull off some like, fuckboy moves or something.”
“But you’re not a fuckboy! You haven’t even dated anyone since you came to school here— and I know that’s by choice. There’s at least twenty girls here who’d love to have your tongue down their throat.”
Warren blinked at her bluntness. He was not expecting that. “I mean… you’re not wrong…” He had a faint idea of who some of the girls were, but he figured ignorance was bliss. If he knew for sure who they were, Warren wasn’t sure he could look them in the eyes.
He cleared his throat, “Well, there’s a good number of guys interested in you… why aren’t you dating one of them?”
“I don’t want to. I mean sure, there’s tons of cute guys, but I just don’t think it would work out. Plus, too many people would kill them if they weren’t Kurt,” (Y/N) joked.
Warren smiled, “Yeah, you’re probably right.” He got up, carrying his plate to the sink.
“I’ve also never had a boyfriend before.”
He looked at her, curious. “That can’t be true. You’ve never had a boyfriend before?”
“Nope. I’ve kissed people before and stuff… but, I dunno…”
“Having high standards isn’t a bad thing… Guys can be dumb as shit sometimes.”
(Y/N) laughed, “Trust me, I know.”
Warren rose an eyebrow while setting (Y/N)’s plate into the sink.
“Scott, a prime example of a dumb boy in a relationship.”
Warren snickered, “Super smart but dumb as shit check!”
(Y/N) shook her head, pretending to be disappointed but she had a smile on her face, “God we’re so mean.”
“A little, but it’s Scott… a little harmless teasing won’t hurt.”
“I guess so.”
Warren washed his hands and dried them with a towel. “Wanna go back up to my room? Or do something else?... It’s only 7:00.”
“Yeah, sure.”
-
Peter and Kurt were in Warren’s room, which he shared with Kurt, when he entered with (Y/N).
“And where have you two been?” Peter asked, pretending to act like a stern and concerned parent.
“We finished our paper and I made grilled cheese.”
“Grilled cheese, huh? No… ulterior motives?” Peter dragged out, just to tease Warren about his disconcerts from before. Warren flipped him off while (Y/N) wasn’t looking.
“What have you guys been up to?” (Y/N) asked, sitting cross-legged on the floor.
“Not much. Jubilee asked us to help her organize the third grader’s field trip to the zoo for extra credit from McCoy.”
“Oh my gosh— I said I’d help her with that—“ (Y/N) looked at her phone and mumbled a curse. “I ignored her message…”
“Just tell her you were busy, I’m sure she won’t mind.” Warren shrugged.
“But I feel bad for ignoring her, plus the extra credit—“
“That you don’t need. Don’t feel bad, Jubilee forgets to respond to stuff all the time.” Warren walked over to his closet. “Are you gonna be okay if I take my shirt off?”
(Y/N)’s eyes widened in shock and confusion, “Why— What— What, why are you stripping?”
She was sure her eyes were fully purple, I mean, come on! What kind of random question is ‘Are you okay with me taking my shirt off?’ Plus they were in Warren’s bedroom!
“I just don’t want to keep my wings restrained if I don’t have to… I usually don’t in my room, I’m shirtless most of the time.”
(Y/N)’s eyes flashed magenta for a moment as the thought of a shirtless Warren flashed through her brain for a second. She cleared her throat.
“Yeah, go ahead. I don’t mind.” He nodded and removed his hoodie off, tossing it on his desk chair.
“Well, Kurt…” Peter awkwardly spoke up. “I think Jubilee wanted our help with the field trip… And with some other stuff…”
“Vhat?”
“Remember?” He asked, motioning to (Y/N) and Warren with his eyes.
“Oh! Oh Yeah! Ve… Ve gotta go.” Kurt waved.
“Have fun, you guys!” Peter grabbed Kurt’s hand and they disappeared with a puff of smoke.
“Do they think— because we’re not— I don’t— You don’t—“
“Relax, (Y/N).” Warren chuckled. “That’s just Peter being Peter.”
“I suppose so…” She grew a flower in the palm of her hand and picked at the petals.
Warren plopped down next to her, “What do you want to do?”
She shrugged, “I’m not sure… We could… We could play never have I ever.”
Warren scoffed, “Never have I ever, with only two people?”
“It’s fun. More... intimate. Ororo and I used to do it a lot when she had trouble sleeping her first few nights here.”
“Are you trying to sleep with me?” He teased.
“What? No! No, no… Why are you laughing?”
“I was just joking. And you’re reaction was funny. Like we’d ever sleep together.”
She glanced at him, in a bit of disbelief of what he said. “Hmm?”
“I don’t think— Never mind.”
(Y/N) nodded awkwardly, trying to make herself not feel awkward. She didn’t want to make the situation weird, “I’ll start the game. Never have I ever ditched class.”
“I have.”
“I know, Jubilee tells me when you two skip to go thrift shopping or to the music store downtown.”
“You should join us sometime— Never have I ever cheated on a test.”
“I did once. One time! In third grade, I wasn’t sure how to spell vacuum so I looked at the girl next to me and copied what she put.”
Warren faked a gasp, “You trouble maker!”
“It was third grade!” (Y/N) tried to be defensive, but couldn’t hide the smile adorning her face as Warren teased. “My turn. Never have I ever… never have I ever… had a crush on a friend’s significant other.”
Warren hesitated with his answer. He didn’t really want to tell (Y/N). He didn’t have a crush anymore, and the girl knew— but her boyfriend didn’t. If he found out, Warren was dead meat.
“Who was it?”
“What?”
“The girl you had a crush on…”
“I don’t have a crush on anyone.”
“You were slow at answering. If you didn’t like anyone you wouldn’t need time to answer.”
Warren shot a dirty look at (Y/N). “I’m sorry… I didn’t mean anything by it, I was just curious—“
“Can we just forget it? She knows, and I don’t like her anymore.”
“Yeah, yeah… It’s uh, it’s your turn.”
Warren didn’t say anything.
“You can ask me whatever you want. No matter how personal it seems.”
“Alright… Are you a virgin?”
I did say he could ask me anything… Plus I did ask him a really personal question… “Yeah.”
“Oh…” Duh! She’s never had a boyfriend before. What kind of question was that, dumbass?
“I’ve never been in a relationship or had sex— I’m not a prude though, I’ve kissed people before. At like, spin the bottle at a party or something.”
“I respect that… Relationships are messy and honestly sometimes don’t seem worth it.”
“Yeah,” (Y/N) nodded, fiddling with another flower she grew. “Kissing isn’t that great anyway.”
Warren involuntarily licked his lips, “What do you mean?”
“It’s either too short and awkward and you bump noses, or like, there’s too much force and pressure to it and the other person collides their teeth with your lips.”
“Jesus! Who are you kissing?”
(Y/N) chuckles darkly and shakes her head, “You don’t want to know.”
Warren smiled, “Yikes.”
They both laughed together.
When the laughter died down, Warren asked the dumbest question possible.
“Can I kiss you?” His voice was quiet, soft— different from how it was moments before.
“What?”
“I’ve been told I’m a good kisser…” He awkwardly explained. “I could show you… Change your mind?”
“Change my mind?”
“It could stay between us… It doesn’t even need to have any meaning behind it.” Warren scooted himself so he was sitting face to face from (Y/N). He looked up at her eyes trying to figure out what she was thinking. Her eyes flashed from yellow to pink, then purple. He wasn’t sure what the colors all meant. He made a mental note to learn what they all stood for.
“Okay.”
“Okay?”
She nodded, “Change my mind.”
Warren cupped her face in his hand. “Are you really sure about this?”
“Yeah…”
“Alright.” Warren tilted his head to the left a little, to prevent his nose from bumping into (Y/N)’s. He pressed his lips gently against hers. Warren used his other hand to cup the rest of her face. Their lips moved together in perfect motion. A warm feeling formed in Warren’s stomach, and he carefully removed his lips from (Y/N)’s.
It was rather brief, but enough to show (Y/N) what she’d been missing.
“Wow…” Her eyes were pinker than before. Warren’s face was flushed, but he ignored it.
“Wow?”
“Yeah, um… wow. That was… That was nice.”
“Mhmm…” Warren wasn’t sure what to say. Yeah, he was a good kisser, but the kiss didn’t mean anything. It was just showing (Y/N) that not everyone sucks at kissing. The pink in her eyes just meant she was flustered and nothing else. She wasn’t going to crush on Warren, and he wasn’t going to crush on her.
-
(Y/N) left after that. She didn’t know what to do. She’d heard rumors about Warren— saying he was a player, a heartthrob, didn’t care about anyone but himself— (Y/N) couldn’t find that to be true. Sure, if she caught feelings she would get hurt because Warren didn’t like her back… but he wasn’t an asshole.
She sighed, slipping into pajamas. It was easy for everyone else, (Y/N) had no complications with anyone else, everyone liked her and she liked them. She’d only gotten mad at someone once and it was Peter… but Warren… Warren was different.
Something drew (Y/N) in, and she couldn’t figure out what. Perhaps, despite their differences, they could be good friends.
As she got under her covers, she sprouted some poppies to help her sleep.
-
The paper was a huge success! Warren and (Y/N) got a 98% on it.
“We should celebrate!”
“What for? You did most of the work.”
“That’s not true, and besides, I’ve had a tiresome week and I want to relax.”
Warren shrugged, “Sure. What’d you have in mind?”
-
“Why are we in the attic?”
“I thought we could watch a movie or something. Ororo and I have been using it as a greenhouse of sorts, but we haven’t grown enough plants yet.”
“Yet?!” Warren gaped. The attic was like 80% plant, 20% building, and here (Y/N) was, saying there’s no such thing as too many plants.
She smiled, setting down her laptop and some blankets, “Duh!” (Y/N) messed with her laptop for a few minutes before pulling up Netflix.
“You can pick something out.”
“Anything?” (Y/N) nodded. “Are you sure?”
“Yeah,” She was off to the side, messing with a plant. “If you don’t see anything you like, I have Hulu too.”
“Netflix is fine.”
(Y/N) came back and sat next to Warren. “Find something good?”
“Uh, yeah— yeah.” She peered over his shoulder to see.
“Ooo! The Addam’s family! I love that movie.”
“I haven’t seen it since I was a kid. I barely remember the plot.”
“Oh, it’s so good! You’re gonna love it.”
(Y/N) pressed play and got comfortable under the covers. Warren did the same.
-
The movie was good. Warren really enjoyed it.
“What’d you think?” (Y/N) was excited in asking him.
“It was good! Like, really good.”
“Yeah! I really liked Gomez and Morticia and their relationship, even if it is unrealistic… Also for the 90s, the effects for Thing were really good!” Warren nodded, slightly frowning when she talked about Gomez and Morticia’s relationship.
Is that really what she thinks? Is that why she’s single?
Why— Why do I even care?! It’s not like I like her or anything.
“Yeah, yeah… We should uh, get going—“ He glanced at the laptop, “—before people ask where we are.”
“Right! Right… I can get it, no biggie.”
“Sure you don’t want any help?” (Y/N) shook her head. Warren couldn’t help but notice she had a shift in demeanor. Her eyes were fully purple, with pink slowly fading around the pupil. He kept quiet and followed (Y/N) out of the attic.
“Are you going to the mall Friday?” He asked, breaking the silence.
“Yeah.” Scott wanted the group to do something fun for once— plus it was one of the few options Xavier approved of. “Are you?”
“Uh-huh. Peter suggested we go see a movie or something.”
“Yeah, that could be fun. Scott will wanna hit up the arcade but that’s typical.”
They stopped at her door— (Y/N) obviously struggled to open it due to the unwieldy stuff in her arms. “Here— I got it,” Warren opened the door and let her go forward.
“Thanks.”
“No problem. I’ll see you later.”
“You’re leaving?” Warren felt his chest ache, but he dismissed it as nothing. He ate at Five Guys with Jubilee and Kurt the other day.
“Yeah, I have some homework… Sorry…”
“You’re okay. I’ll… see you later.”
Warren smiled and said, “Bye,” before shutting the door behind him. When he was gone, (Y/N) sat down and leaned against the door and sighed.
She didn’t want him to leave, but she didn’t know what to do or what to say— she wanted to kiss him again.
No— You can’t kiss him. Warren doesn’t like you.
She pushed the dirty thought aside and flopped onto her bed, covering herself in ivy to lay and let the sun come through the window.
-
Warren was in Hank’s lab, just for a medical update. Alex was there as well, as he’s never too far away from Hank.
“Any trouble with your wings?”
“Not really. The feathers grow back metal and they’re heavy. They’re easier to clean than my old ones, but I sometimes miss a spot.”
Hank nodded, skimming some papers. “Do you want someone to help you clean your wings?”
“No! No way,” Warren rose his voice defensively. “I’m not comfortable.”
“Maybe if you had a boyfriend or girlfriend to help out,” Alex offered.
Warren rolled his eyes, “Well, I don’t have one and there’s no one here I want to date anyway.”
Alex smiled to himself, “You mean there’s no one here who you think likes you, so you pretend to not be interested.”
“Since when did you become my psychiatrist?” Warren squinted.
“Since your movie date.”
Hank glanced at Alex for a moment before going back to his paperwork, “What movie date?”
“The one he and (Y/N) had yesterday—“
“It wasn’t a date. She just wanted to hang out some more since we finished our paper for English.”
“Mhmm…” Alex didn’t believe it.
“I’m serious! We are literally in the same friend group, we’re going to hang out together.”
“What Peter’s been telling me is different.”
Warren almost scoffed in disbelief, “You’re really going to trust Peter over me on this?”
“No, but Peter told me you asked what it means when her eyes turn pink.”
Hank stopped his work and was fully listening to the blondes argue— “(Y/N)’s eyes have never been pink before, well, not many shades of pink. What was it?”
“Um… It was only for a moment,” Warren mumbled. “It could have been the lighting or whatever…”
“No, no, this is really important. I like to keep a note of what each of her colors mean. Even if you just saw her eyes flash, I need to know when, why, and what shade of pink.”
“It’s happened a few times, but never for very long… it’s usually a millennial pink… Um, I don’t think it’s happened around anyone else before because no one else knew what I was talking about when I asked…”
“How often have her eyes turned pink? What were you guys doing when they turned pink?”
Warren thought back to all the times he swore her eyes turned pink. Nothing huge… Just when we were in class or whenever we’ve hung out this week. Nothing too special— Oh.
Warren realized something. Something he maybe shouldn’t have.
Her eyes were fully pink when we kissed… I— I can’t tell Hank and Alex that! They wouldn’t understand and they’d think we’re into each other. Which we are not… Well, I don’t think I’m into (Y/N), but now I’m not sure if she likes me or not.
“Just during class, when we’re alone, just like, whenever we’ve hung out this week. I don’t think it means anything really.”
“You never know, Warren.”
He nodded, “Right, right… Am I uh, am I free to go?”
“Yeah, you’re fine, you’re wings are fine. You can access your medical file if you want the details.”
“Great. Thank you.” Warren hopped off the bed and walked out.
-
What am I going to do?! (Y/N) might like me! Now I have to put in effort and not seem like a total burnout around her. She’s got high expectations and standards and I’m fucked!
Wait… Warren sat there, confused. Why did he care if (Y/N) liked him?
If I accidentally break her heart, everyone will actually kill me and... I kind of give a shit for once. That’s all…
Warren got his phone out and opened his messages. He opened his conversation with (Y/N). The last thing she sent him was an old picture of Alex she found in the library.
He typed out hey, ready to send it, but his thumb hovered over the little arrow. What would he even say to her? What if she didn’t respond? What if she actually hated him and that’s what the pink meant? He turned his phone off and set it on his bed. Warren flopped onto his mattress and buried his face into his pillow.
-
(Y/N) was studying with the other girls. They were reviewing for McCoy’s bio test and she was busy writing down answers for her study guide.
“Who’s going to the mall Friday?” Jubilee asked out of the blue.
Jean started listing off people, “Scott, Peter, Kurt, us—“
“Warren’s going! He told me,” (Y/N) spoke up.
“He is?” Jubilee asked. “He didn’t say anything to me.”
“I asked him yesterday.” (Y/N) had a smile on her face.
“When?” Ororo got out a pack of gum and offered Jean a piece.
“We were up in the attic watching a movie.”
Jubilee eyed her, “You guys did what?”
“We just watched the Addams family. Warren and I are friends.” (Y/N)’s tone was slightly defensive.
“Your eyes are pink,” Jean stated.
“What?” (Y/N) quickly looked at herself using her phone’s front camera. “Oh my god—it’s— they’ve— they’ve never been pink before. I don’t know what—“
“Think for two seconds. Who are we talking about?”
Jean! I don’t— I don’t like Warren! Not as a boyfriend. He’s not my boyfriend and he doesn’t want to date anyone.
She smirked. “Keep telling yourself that.”
“I just really like the fact we’re friends now. That’s all. I’m not in love with him or anything…”
What if my subconscious does love Warren? I doubt it. I think I would know if I was in love.
“And anyway, it’s just a coincidence. They’ve never been pink before so I’m sure finally being friends with Warren just—“
“They’ve been pink before,” Ororo spoke up.
(Y/N)’s eyes widened in shock. “What? When?”
“I don’t know when exactly, but Peter told me Warren was asking about it a few days ago.”
(Y/N) was trying not to freak out. “Why was he asking?”
“Didn’t say, but I bet he saw your eyes flash pink or something.”
“Oh my god…” (Y/N) was horrified. Warren knew. He knew! He knew how she felt and he would probably never speak to her again or break her heart and (Y/N) couldn’t live with either of those options. She didn’t want the first person she’d ever had a real crush on to find out. Warren didn’t want to date anyone! He told her this, right before they kissed in his bedroom…
(Y/N) buried her face in her hands and groaned. She didn’t know what to do— by this time tomorrow, everyone would know she likes Warren. The embarrassment, the rejection, the humiliation, the—
“Hey, babe. Here’s your textbook you left in my room.”
(Y/N) looked up and saw Scott giving a book back to Jean. She looked at his face.
Of course! Scott wears glasses all the time so it’s harder to know what he’s thinking!
“Scott—”
He turned to face (Y/N). “Yeah?”
“Do you have a spare pair of glasses?”
“Um… I just have my visor. Why are you asking?”
She waved him off, “Never mind. Jubilee, can I borrow your sunglasses?”
“Sure, why?”
“I need to cover my eyes. Just for a while. Until this whole, “pink eye” thing stops happening.”
“Pink eye?” Scott asked, furrowing his brows.
“It’s— It’s nothing, trust me. Warren and I are becoming closer and I’m just happy.”
“Your eyes turn pink when you’re around Warren?” Scott was trying to hide his emotions, for his mind was zooming with thoughts.
“And when we talk about him,” Jubilee teased.
“You know,” Scott pondered, “He was asking about that the other day…”
(Y/N) tensed. Warren had to know. There was no way he didn’t. “He was?”
“Yeah. What does it mean?”
“It means—”
“—It means,” Jubilee cut her off, “(Y/N)’s got a thing for Warren.”
(Y/N) shook her head, “I do not!”
“Yeah, you do,” Ororo said offhandedly.
“It doesn’t matter, okay? I just need some sunglasses to hide my eyes so people don’t know what I’m feeling all the time. Have you ever thought maybe I don’t like being an open book?” The last sentence came out harsher than expected. Everyone was shocked, how could (Y/N) (Y/L/N), the flower child, be so angry?
(Y/N) looked down, embarrassed from raising her voice, “I didn’t mean to snap at you guys…”
Jubilee spoke over her, “It’s okay. I’ll get you my sunglasses.”
-
Everything was darker, but that was the purpose of sunglasses, to block out the sun. (Y/N) didn’t mind much, but it was sometimes hard to read text on the board and her eyes hurt by the third period.
“How do you do this every day?” She asked Scott as they walked down the halls to their next class.
“I don’t have a choice.”
“Oh…” (Y/N) glances down at her feet wide-eyed with guilt. “Right…”
“I know you’re doing it for other reasons, but I think it’s cool you’re wearing sunglasses all day. I don’t feel alone.”
“I can— I can still see color though.”
“Yeah, but not as well. Sometimes I feel lonely when everyone talks about colors— the sunset, the fruit at the grocery store— hell, I even miss seeing the green grass! The grass!”
“That must be hard.” (Y/N) couldn’t help but feel pity, even though she knew that Scott didn’t want it. “I don’t think I could ever imagine living in just red…”
“Sometimes…” Scott sheepishly began, “Jean uses her powers and I can see color for a little bit, but it’s from her point of view, and it’s hard for her. She can only do it for a minute or two, and I don’t want to hurt her.”
“Aww,” (Y/N) cooed. “You’re so sweet.”
“Shut up!” A blush covered Scott’s cheeks and he got quiet for a moment.
“So you and Warren, huh?”
(Y/N) groaned, “Why am I talking about this with you?”
“Because I’m your only guy friend in a relationship,” Scott offered up as a question.
She huffed. Scott was right. “Fair point… It’s just… I don’t know… I don’t think he likes me back—which is fine— I just don’t want him to be uncomfortable when he finds out I like him.”
Scott furrowed his eyebrows, “When he finds out?”
“Pink eyes,” (Y/N) deadpanned. “remember?”
“Right, right… but how do you know he doesn’t like you back?”
(Y/N) rolled her eyes, “We can’t have a telepath in our relationship.”
“What do you mean?”
“Jean probably knew you liked her the whole time before you dated.”
“Hold on! She never read my mind— we made a promise—“
(Y/N) crosses her arms and stopped for a moment, “Mmhmm. All I’m saying is, there’s no mind reader between me and Warren. I can’t tell, and he doesn’t know yet… besides, he told me himself, we wouldn’t work out. We’re too different, and too many people want me to date, Kurt…”
“Opposites attract.”
“No, they don’t… At least that’s what Warren said…”
“Okay, listen— Warren is the dumbest person I know.”
(Y/N)’s mouth gaped, “Warren’s not dumb, he’s in two AP classes and speaks multiple languages.”
“What—“ Scott squinted, “What does that have to do with anything?”
“You said Warren was dumb. I said he wasn’t.” (Y/N) awkwardly crossed her arms.
“What I meant was, Warren’s being stupid. Thinking he’s not good enough for anyone, how he thinks he’s too punk for you. It’s obvious!”
“What is?”
“Warren likes you.”
-
(Y/N) stood there, in shock. She didn’t know what to do.
Warren liked her. Allegedly.
“How— How do you know that?”
“You can just tell. It’s obvious.”
Maybe… “Oh…”
A teacher down the hall scolded some students for loitering in the hall. “We better get to class,” Scott motioned to the kids with his head.
“Um, yeah. We should get going…” (Y/N)’s eyes flashed to purple.
-
Warren saw (Y/N) in the afternoon. She had on sunglasses, and her hair was slightly messy. She looked hungover, but Warren knew that wasn’t her, partying her nights away, (Y/N) was the perfect princess— and Warren? Warren was John Bender from the breakfast club, except he wasn’t in a John Hughes movie, and he didn’t get the girl and have a half-assed happy ending.
But back to (Y/N).
“Hey, Shades.”
“Hi.” She was curt. Did Warren do something wrong?
“Everything okay?”
“Yeah, yeah!” She seemed nervous. “Why wouldn’t it be?”
“You’re wearing sunglasses…” He pointed out. “Inside…”
“Yeah?.... I’m just… I just…” She struggled to come up with an answer.
“Hungover?” Warren suggested.
“Pfft… No. I don’t… I don’t really…”
Warren nodded, “Right, right. I don’t really either, but I used to so…”
“I’m trying to hide my eyes.”
Warren turned face to face with (Y/N), blinking in surprise.
“Why?”
“Reasons…”
“What kind of reasons?”
“I just don’t want people to read me like a book…” (Y/N) was lying. Partially.
“Oh… I mean, not everyone knows what your eye colors mean.”
“Most people do. And if they don’t they ask.”
Warren winced. She knew he asked about the pink eyes. She was going to think of him as some nosy, pitiful, boy with daddy issues. “People are gonna think you’re hungover.”
“Three already asked.”
Warren smiled to himself, he found it almost funny. “Why’re you trying to hide your emotions?”
“I like someone.”
The three words froze in his mind.
(Y/N) liked someone. Someone who was normal, probably. Someone the student body approved up. Somebody who hasn’t killed people and looks like a nightmare.
“Oh.”
He couldn’t see the concern in her eyes when his face obviously fell.
“Yeah. I’ll um, I’ll see you later.”
Warren nodded awkwardly, “Yeah. See you later…”
-
The mall trip was awkward. (Y/N) had her glasses on still and half of her friends didn’t know why, and Warren was sulking because of (y/N)’s mystery lover.
“So, (Y/N)...” Peter drawled out. “What’s with the sunglasses? You trying to copy Scott?”
She laughed a little at his joke. “Not really…” Peter raised his eyebrows, silently pressing for details. “I just don’t want people to see my eyes. That’s all.”
“Why? Is it because they’re… pink?”
Damnit, Peter! Warren cursed to himself. You had to bring it up. Rub it in my face that the Princess found her Prince Charming.
“I don’t want to talk about it.” (Y/N) glanced at Warren for a moment as he listened to Jubilee ramble on about some girl she met at a thrift store.
“Why?... Because you’re in looove?”
(Y/N) swatted his arm. “I am not!”
“Oh, but I know that's not true.” Peter pouted and bat his eyes.
“Fuck off.”
“Woah! Didn’t know Snow White knew such naughty words.”
Warren grimaced, Peter was pushing her buttons and Warren wanted to strangle him, but he wasn’t that guy anymore.
Borderline mullet, feathery white wings, and an adrenaline rush with the ability to punch everyone within five feet in front of him.
Now he was a gang looking member, with trauma, and recovering from bad habits. Don’t mention that he was in love with Mother Nature.
Warren was so lost in his own words that he didn’t even notice Peter and (Y/N) bickering.
“Stop it—“
The glasses fell. And then the unexpected happened.
Jubilee stepped on the sunglasses. They cracked under her heel.
“Oh shit! Aw, man!” Jubilee didn’t even care, they were her glasses. She got them at five below for three dollars two years ago. Jubilee picked up the broken shades and looked them over.
“Oh well. They were cheap anyway.” Jubilee tossed the remains in the trash and didn’t even give it a second thought.
Warren looked at (Y/N) and they made eye contact. Her eyes flashed purple, maroon, and they settled on pink. Full-on rose gold, soft-blushing pink.
There were flowers in her hair and they retracted into buds— a defense mechanism— she was scared, but wouldn’t break away from him.
Everyone looked at them like one looks at a car wreck or a burning building.
Warren glared at them. “Alright, um, let’s go to Barnes and Noble…” Jubilee dragged everyone away, leaving Warre and (Y/N) behind.
“Were you hiding your feelings from me?”
She nodded, “I didn’t want you to know, though.”
It finally all clicked in Warren’s mind. She wanted to hide her emotions from him because she was into him, and everything he said about them “not being compatible, people don’t ship us, the kiss was only platonic”. “I get it.”
“I want you, but I…”
“I made up bullshit to push you away because I was scared… You’re way out of my league and I don’t want to hurt you.”
“I don’t care…” She stepped closer to him. “I’d kiss you right now, but we’re in public…” Warren quickly cupped (Y/N)’s face and left a peck on her lips.
Even a quick kiss from Warren was better than anything from a boy at a crappy house party.
“Do you want to go to find our friends?”
“Yeah, yeah. We probably should.”
-
Warren wasn’t sure at what point her hand slipped into his and held on, but he didn’t move away either.
Something in one of the shop windows caught his eye though.
It was a book. Titled, Olympus Gods or something. It made a light go off in Warren’s mind, but he couldn’t figure it out.
What, why does— Then he saw a Harry Potter toy. The three-headed dog, Fluffy or something.
Who else had a three-headed dog?
“Hades…”
“Hmm?” She looked at Warren with confusion.
“Hades and Persephone— plant goddess and goth guy.”
She got the hint right away, and nudged his arm with her elbow, “Dork.”
Warren blushed, “Yeah, yeah… just shut up,” He joked.
#warren worthington iii x reader#warren worthington x reader#warren x reader#warren worthington iii#warren worthington#angel x reader#angel archangel#archangel x reader#ben hardy#ben hardy x reader#x-men x reader#x-men spinoff#hades#persephone#angel#archangel#ben jones x reader#ben jones
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You and Me...
Chapter 11
***SERIES WARNINGS**** Rape, non-con, male!rape, injury, violence, description of injury caused by rape, nightmares, self-harm, panic attacks, implied female non-con, language, ass hole Jensen, hurt!Jensen, dark fic, smut. If there is anything else I will add it as I go.
***Chapter Warnings*** Talk of nightmares/night terrors, light description of injury, language, I think that’s pretty much it for this chapter.
Pairing: Jensen Ackles x Reader, Jared x Reader
Word Count: 1777
A/N: Anyway, all mistakes are mine, please don’t copy my work, Feedback is golden. If you want to be added to the series tag list, or my tag list just let me know! I hope you enjoy this one. This is something I actually did and witness, and I realize this one might be hard to read because it is a little heavy.
Summary: It’s funny how one choice you made can change your whole life. One mistake can alter your course, and set you on a path that forever will haunt you. Two people find themselves getting through one of the hardest trials of Jensen’s life, on just one small promise. You and Me. We’ll get through it together…
Want more? Check out my Masterlist!!
***MASTERLIST***
***YOU AND ME MASTERLIST***
It had been roughly two weeks since Jensen was released from the hospital.
Physically he's doing a lot better.
He gets around pretty good now, normally even. It would be hard for anyone on the street to see that there was ever anything wrong with him when he walked by you. He'd become pretty self-sufficient pretty quickly. The bruises had mostly faded, only leaving the worst ones still a sickening yellow color. Most of the scratches and lacerations on his body had healed or were almost healed. Most of his strength returned to him.
On the outside, he looked fine, but it wasn’t the outside that had become the problem. As much as he tried to hide it. Even though the physical aspect of his attack had almost faded completely, it was the battle of the mind that was beginning now.
When you looked into his eyes something was still dead in there.
You learned pretty quickly that Jensen had a pretty passive-aggressive way of dealing with things. It was just what he hid behind, and you knew that, but still, it didn't lessen your concern for him.
You noticed him drinking more, and you were afraid that would become a very unhealthy coping mechanism.
The nightmares had gotten worse.
To be honest you would have characterized them as night terrors. Except they didn't just happen at night. You had learned just from watching him that these “flashbacks” could be triggered by a sound, or a smell, or even something someone says.
It wasn't something he could control.
He had started to go to his own house during the day some, but at night he always ended up right back with you. You were secretly glad. You didn't like the thought of his nightmares starting, and him beginning there all alone. Most of the time when he had one he’d either wake up violently ill or hysterical, there was no in-between.
He had taken his kids to the local zoo with Jared the other day on one of his visitation days with his kids. Because of his usual nightly problems he thought it was best that they didn't stay the night with him. Not something you really want you kids to see.
He had been back to the studio, using it you think as a distraction. That's not uncommon though, people use music all the time as an escape from reality.
The only good thing that had happened really over the past two weeks was that you had gotten a contract writing for a local publishing company reviewing transcripts, and technically you could work full time from home now. You did tell Steve and Jensen that you would finish Jensen's project through before you left. You were there when he started it, and you wanted to see the finished product.
This morning started much like all other mornings since Jensen had moved in with you.
You were sitting in the living room drinking your coffee. It was still very, very early. It was the weekend, so neither yourself nor Jensen had to work today. Still, your body is used to waking up so early, it had developed its own alarm clock. Therefore you were up at 5 am regardless of what you did or how late you went to bed.
Jensen was still sleeping soundly in the room the two of you now awkwardly, kinda shared. You were honestly afraid to touch him. Afraid it would trigger one of his flashbacks. So you slept as far away from him as you could in your king-sized bed, usually putting a pillow between the two of you so that you wouldn't accidentally roll over to him in the middle of the night.
It wasn't that you didn't want to be close to him. You wanted nothing more than to feel his arms wrapped around you as you slept, but you were pretty sure that he was not capable of doing that. He had told you in the hospital that there were some things that he wouldn't be able to do. Physical contact was one of them.
Not thinking about what you were doing a day after he moved in with you, you walked up behind him when he was standing at the sink and put your hand on his shoulder, throwing him into a violent flashback, that took almost an hour for him to come back from. That’s when you learned touching him probably wasn’t the best idea.
Sometimes he would reach over and grab your hand when the nightmares were really bad, he would let you sit next to him and run your fingers through his hair until he went back to sleep, other than that though that was it.
You were sitting lost in thought, the house pretty much dark, only the light from above the stove lightly lit the room. When your phone lit up next to you. It was Jared.
"Hello?" you say quietly careful not to wake up Jensen.
"Y/N? I didn't wake you did I?" he asked.
"No, I've been up," you tell, him running your hand down your face. Wondering why in the hell he was calling this early.
"Okay listen they caught Jensen's attackers. There were four of them... Plus Jennifer,"
That last part struck you hard.
"Jennifer? Really? Are they sure?" you asked, shock radiating through your body.
"Yeah. She was there through all of it according to her confession. Apparently, she gets her kicks off watching Jensen being raped and tortured, claiming that he owed her that much after what he did to her, when, come to find out the whole thing was a set up from the beginning. She thought she’d go on a date with him, get him drunk, maybe fuck him, get some side cash, and leave, but apparently, things didn't go the way she planned, and she got her family involved to “pay him back” for what the did to her." Jared Said through gritted teeth.
Your stomach churned. You didn't like talking about what they did to Jensen. Your heart just couldn't handle it. Especially seeing the reproductions that he was still dealing with from the whole ordeal.
"Did they all confess?" you asked, hoping and praying Jensen wasn't going to have to testify in front of a room full of strangers plus his attackers.
"Yeah, they all confessed. From what I understand there was so much evidence from the pictures that the hospital had taken, plus the doctor's reports, and DNA evidence that they really had no choice but to confess," he said, sounding just as sick about all of this as you were.
"He's not gonna have to testify will he?" you asked, holding your breath.
"No, not unless he just wants to confront them. Which I doubt he does. These perverts are going to jail for a very long time. The amount of evidence against them is overwhelming, and the police believe this isn't the first time they’ve done this to someone," Jared said.
It made you sick to think about there being monsters like this out there in the real world. People like Jennifer, who you’d never expect to be involved in something like this.
“Thanks for letting me know Jared, now I just have to figure out how to tell Jensen.”
“You can do it Y/N, he trusts you,” Jared said.
With that, the two of you got off the phone. Jensen would be waking up soon as you wanted to have this breakfast ready like you did every morning. You didn't know how you were going to tell him that they had caught his attackers. You hated even bringing up his situation with him. He would get so distant and quiet.
Not fifteen minutes later you heard the bedroom door open and Jensen made his way over to the small bar and sat down. You knew he had because you heard the chair slide across the tile. Your back was to him plating up his breakfast. When you turned around what you saw nearly made you drop the plate.
He was sitting there, pale, and crying silently; looking at his hands that were shaking on the bar. You sat the plate down and carefully walked over to him, surprisingly he reached for you. You wrapped your arms around him and pulled him tightly to you. The two of you sat like that for the longest time before he finally spoke.
"I'm not well," was all he said, so quiet that you barely even heard him.
"What hurts? Are you sick?" you asked. Immediately thinking it had something to do with his physical injuries.
"No, not that," he said, then pointed at his head. "I'm not well."
That made your heart sink. This was the first time he’d admitted that he was struggling, even though you knew that he was, and honestly it scared you.
Had he gotten worse?
You had been trying to figure out a good time to bring up seeing a therapist, now seemed like a good time as any.
"Maybe we should make that appointment with that therapist that your doctor suggested to you," you suggested gently, afraid he would get angry.
"Will you come with me?" was all his said, no more fight in him at all.
"Yeah, I'll be there the whole time. Remember what I said in the hospital. We're gonna get through this. You and Me."
Jensen nodded his head and buried his face in your neck, wet tears streaking down his face, and onto your skin made your heart feel like it just wanted to stop beating.
You knew that suggesting a therapist may sound harsh to some people, but there was no manual on how to deal with something like it. No material to read to figure out a normal healing process, especially for man, and there was no way to know that you were doing this right or wrong,
All you could do was make small steps together, in hopes that you were both stumbling in the right direction in getting him better, and right now you had to go with what logically could help him, and maybe someone who was trained to deal with this sort of trauma.
Even though you knew this was probably going to be one of the hardest things Jensen ever had to do, he couldn’t keep all this bottled up, he needed a safe space, and a trained professional to help him.
Squeezing him as tight to you as you could you tried your best to ground him in this mess that he was going through, you promised you’d be right there with him, and you were going to keep that promise, no matter what you’d do it together.
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Saint Jude's Miracle: A Javier Peña x OFC (Isa) Fanfiction. Chapter VI
Summary: Javier and Steve reunite and reflect on their past and their present and the hurtful memories they have to carry from their time in Colombia. Meanwhile Isa struggles with her everyday life and not having news from Javier for days is starting to worry her.
Word count: 2,6k
Warnings: PTSD talks, mentions of violence. (This is me trying to solve one plothole from season 2 from a character I really liked and hated at the same time👀)
A/N: So this took longer than I thought, I completely lost the inspiration and words didn’t flow I had to restart this many times. I guess I will look at this in a few weeks and think I should have revised even more, but I promised to post this today, so there it is. This is plot and more plot with a little bit of angst and fluff at the end.
Series masterlist
Chapter VI: Old Friends
Time is a curious thing; here they are many years after: Their bodies are not the same; the jeans are tighter around the belly and the hair is already grey in some parts, wrinkles around the eyes bear witness of the years that had pass through them, but nonetheless the conversation flows as if not a day has passed.
The empty beers sit to the side of the table leaving a small pool of their condensation over the wooden table. The music is loud at the bar and Javi and Steve had been quite for a few minutes now. The question floating above them making the air thicker every second it passes without addressing the matter.
“I should have reach to you sooner” Javi says holding his half bottle, is it the fifth or sixth he has finished?
“Don’t worry about it” Steve shakes his head and leaves his bottle on the pile “I called a few times, but I thought you needed time to process it all”
“The thing is I didn’t” Javi shows half a smile “I really fucked up and when they gave me Cali I thought I could redeem myself. Tried to do it by the book, tried to outsmart them” he leans on the table “and what happened? It was a fucking charade” he snarls
“You did well getting all that shit on the news” the blond agent taps on his friend arm “Shit! I wanted to quit myself when I saw it”
“They didn’t give me another option. But...” Javi crosses his arms over his chest when he feels that familiar feeling, the words and feelings choking him
“You didn’t want to”
“Fuck, I’m a middle age man! This is what I’ve been doing for my whole life? What was I supposed to do?” he exhales deeply, a burden is lifted out of his chest
“Everybody said it was unfair if it helps” Steve consoles
“I guess not Stechner” Javi scoffs
“Oh, you haven’t heard?” Steve comes close “He disappeared. For real, MIA. Nobody has heard from him in years”
“Well, I don’t wish death to anyone...” Javier shakes his head:” who am I kidding? Fuck him!”
The two of them laugh out loud for a few minutes; the waiter guessing that their laughs deserve another round; leaves two cold beers on their table with a wink
“For Stechner, I guess”
“May he rot in hell” and they drink together
“So...about that wife of yours” Steve has been dying to ask more about Isa and Connie has tasked him with getting all the information he can gather.
“Isa” Javier reaches for his wallet. In the small plastic pocket inside it, there’s a picture of the three of them on a photo booth, the same day they had to go to the mall to get Elvi’s photo for her school application.
Elvira is seated on their laps while Javi and Isa smile at her
“Oh, she’s gorgeous. You’ve been always lucky with the ladies, Javi”
“Well, I am. I don’t know how she bears with me. I give her too many headaches”
“Connie was happy when they stopped asking me to go on field operations. Not gonna lie, it felt good for a bit getting back to a desk and just do paperwork. But then...” Steve blue eyes look glossy in this light and after too many beers “I saw myself reflected on the glass doors of the office and shit, it hit me; I was old and dying on a desk. And then you called”
“I understand”
“When you said you were married with a kid, I really couldn’t believe that you and I were once those dudes in Colombia”
“It feels like a million years ago”
“And just a few days ago at the same time” completes Steve and Javier nods
“What does she know? your wife, how she handles all that?”
“She doesn’t. When I met her she was...first of all she had left Laredo before everybody knew me for the Escobar shit, so when we met, we were just two strangers. We could talk and I could kick everything under a rug and let her form an opinion about me by herself without interferences” his gaze wanders over the tables: families having a quite dinner; a couple that has an untouched plate in front of them while they kiss and talk in whispers.
“And after you married?” Steve asks interrupting his thoughts
“I just told her the necessary” he shakes his head the necessary is almost nothing.
“Well, it’s better that way, but I couldn’t hide it from Connie. Man! I was out control; everything and anything could trigger me. I was anxious, paranoid all the time. I woke up in the middle of the night, got my gun out of the safe if I heard a car tire exploding or any loud noise and I’d had my heart beating fast for hours. And let’s not talk about the nightmares”
“The helicopter?” Javi asks, his voice is thin almost a whisper remembering the extreme methods the police used when the hunt for Escobar was on its peak
“Yeah...and many others. I keep on seeing the two of us entering that house, but instead of finding Olivia crying, she’s dead, shot dead as her mum” Steve sniffs and coughs moving uncomfortably on his chair. “That’s when I looked for help”
Javier nods remembering so many nights where he thought his brain could kill him, reimaging that kid in the ally, rescuing Helena, all the things he saw when Los Pepes were unleashed. By your hand.
“We should call it a night, amigo”
“I see your Spanish has not improved. Just the two words you knew back in Colombia” Javi scoffs with a grin
“Cabrón”
“Yep, that’s the second one”
Isa
It’s been two days since he left and he hasn’t called. Isa tries to focus on everything she needs to do before Elvira starts the new school year. She has called Chucho every afternoon thinking that maybe he had some news, but nothing.
“Ese marido tuyo aguanto mientras Elvi era chiquita y ahora que pudo se largo” (Your husband stayed with you while Elvi was a baby and now that she’s grown, he has left you) her mother commented once she got the news that Javi was away and he hadn’t call in three days. News travel fast in a small town and she hears the comments about her, about Javi: he did it again, he left another woman and run away, he left her as he left Lorraine. Every day Isa had to struggle with her own thoughts and the constant reminder from her mother and the ladies in Laredo that something was wrong with Javier.
Her brain repeats the same litany:
He must be caught up in something
Maybe he’s somewhere where there’s not a good connection
Maybe he cannot call for security
Maybe he did run away
Maybe he’s in danger
She tries to stop her mind when it gets that fast spiraling down towards the darker scenarios she can imagine. On the third night after he left and hadn’t called she had a terrible nightmare and she had to keep her little night lamp on as she does every night he spends away and every day since then, the lamp is on while she rests, sleeping just for a few hours and then spending hours turning back and forth trying not to think about the worst possible things she can imagine. What would she do if he never comes back? What would she do if something bad happen to him? Even though they had made peace by making love in that old truck before parting she could not forget their arguments and the things left unsaid. He would never leave them like that, would he?
Isa tries to be calm, not to project her fears and worries onto her daughter but each day she’s challenged with the never ending things she has to do at home each day: laundry, cooking, cleaning, and every time she thinks she’s finished there’s something new that has come up. Elvira is stressed, as any kid her age, watching the summer slipping away with its long days of freedom on top of her dad being away. So she’s more agitated than usual, sassy and misbehaving just to get her mother’s attention.
The trip to the supermarket is a long chant of demands: I want Cereals, I want Ice cream. All Isa can hear is IwanIwantIwantIwant and the wheels of her shopping cart screeching on the ground. She thinks her wrist is about to snap open just trying to hold Elvira’s hand so she sticks to her side.
“It’s really crowded, cielo, stay with me” she sighs trying to be patient.
But the moment, Isa hesitates and looks down to read her shopping list, she’s out
“I’m gonna get my cereal”
“Elvi!”
Isabel gains a few complaints from some old lady that she almost railed over trying to run for her daughter.
“Oh, you want that one?”
“Yes, please. I can’t reach” Isa laughs softly watching her daughter acting polite and looking like an angel towards the stranger woman. The lady gives her the colorful box and Elvi jumps excitedly until she sees her mum at the end of the aisle.
“¿Qué te dije de que te separases de mi?” (What did I tell you about running away from me?” the little girl pouts and answers
“I thought you would say no if I ask for this”
“Ay, Elvi. I’m sorry if she bothered you” Isa smiles to the woman. She is on her 40s, Isa guesses, she has a beautiful elegant visage framed by a brown with blond highlights mane. She smiles widely with her scarlet lips: “No hay problema” (No problem) she answers in Spanish, her accent seems different to the Mexican-American accent Isa is used to listen to in this part of Texas.
“Gracias igualmente. Está obsesionada con esto que está lleno de azúcar” (Thank you anyway, she’s obsessed with this sugary thing” Isa ruffles her child’s hair
“La comprendo, mis hijos son igual” (I understand, my kids are the same)
“¿De dónde es? tiene un acento muy bonito” (Where are you from? you have a very beautiful accent) Isa asks, for a moment she thinks that she might be overstepping but the woman laughs softly patting Isa’s arm with her hand stylishly decorated in elegant gold and diamonds rings, her manicure is perfect.
“Colombia,pero ya llevo unos años acá en los Estados Unidos” (Colombia, but I’ve been here in the USA for a while now)
“¡Oh! me han dicho que es muy bonito” (I’ve been told it’s very beautiful) Elvi grabs her mum by the hem of her dress rushing her to finish the boring conversation, mainly because she wants to get back home and open the box of cereal “Bueno, un gusto” (Well, it’s been a pleasure) Isa waves
“¿Cómo se llama?” the woman asks when they’re leaving
“Isa, ¿y usted?” (Isa, and you?)
“Judy. Un placer” she grins
The TV has already passed to that late night teleshopping advertising stupid stuff with even more stupid people repeating again and again the same lame catchy phrases. But there’s silence at this hour, Elvi is sleeping soundly and now Isabel can rest on the sofa, eyes fixed on the stupid people on TV and her longing for Javier.
She took the laundry out of the dryer today. Mixed in all the clothes an old “University of Texas” t-shirt that Javi rarely wears around the house and that she has stolen as pajamas. Without even realizing it, she smelled the fabric only sensing the sweet scent of the softener she uses so she had rushed to the bathroom and sprinkled the t-shirt with Javi’s cologne. And now hugs herself silently praying that tonight will be the night he calls.
The TV volume is set to the minimum and when the strong ringing sound surrounds the house Isa thinks is coming from it until she realizes that is coming from the kitchen. She runs, stepping on Elvi’s toys and bumping her knee over the sofa. Limping she runs and picks up the phone
“Hello?” her voice is shaky
“Isa is me” Javi says on the other line
“Javi, thank God, where were you? You told me you will call when you’d arrive and it’s been three days and I...” she babbles
“I’m fine, I’m sorry...it’s been a little bit crazy” he sounds tired and he’s speaking softly as if he cannot raise his voice
“Are you okay? Are you in danger?” Isa sniffs, the tears rolling down and she leans on the cold tile wall of the kitchen
“No, it’s just we have to go to different places, meet a bunch of people. I didn’t have the time. I’m sorry Isa. Elvi’s sleeping I guess?”
“Yes, but she will be really happy to know that you called”
“I’ll try to call earlier tomorrow”
“Yes...please, she’s being a bit difficult lately”
“Why?” Isa can hear how the bed creaks on his end and his deep grunt
“I guess it’s the end of summer, you’re not here, my mum...”
He huffs
“Elvi told her we didn’t know where you where and you can imagine”
“She hates me even more”
“Don’t worry about her. Tell me about the job” Isa sits on the ground holding the phone on her shoulder
“Isa...I rather listen to you”
“I haven’t done much. Nothing interesting”
“It doesn’t matter” he answers
And thus she begins telling every tiny detail, Javi was silent on the other side and when she asks if he’s listening he just hums.
“Anyway...I guess that’s all. And I hope you’re not mad but your old university t-shirt has a new hole in it which somehow makes it even more comfortable”
“You’re wearing it now?”
“Yes...I miss you so it’s just like having your arms around me”
“I miss you too, Isa. I only have this old dude on the medallion and the picture I keep on my wallet to remind me of you...not that I need anything to remember you”
“That old dude...” she laughs “he’s a saint and I think he’s doing a good job for the moment”
“Really?” Isa smiles widely when she hears his deep chuckle on the other side
“You’ve said I miss you for the first time, I will say it’s even a miracle”
“What? I’ve told that plenty of times” he says a little bit offended “ but we’ve never been parted that much since we’re together”
“You don’t say you love me that much either...” Isa adds
“That’s not true” he says firmly
“Yes it is, I’m not mad, you express it in other ways. I’ve accepted that when I marry you”
“I’m sure I say it many times...”
“You can say it now...” she whispers
“I love you, Isa, and I miss you” he mutters
“See? Saint Jude is working its magic” Isa laughs. Her heart is full and she feels like an enormous weight has been lifted. He loves me, he’ll be back
“So I’m not a lost cause anymore?” Javi replies with an amused tone
“We’ll see when you get here”
“And you won’t say it back?”
“What?”
“That you love me and miss me”
“Ay, Javier” she sighs “I sleep every night waiting for you with the lights on, praying that you will get back to me soon, I sleep with your t-shirt and even if I don’t believe in it really, I keep praying and praying that you will be back to our bed, that I will turn and you’ll be there, so yeah, I miss you and I love you. Te amo”
“Yo también te amo”
“Good night, mi amor”
“Good night”
(taglist: @sara-alonso)
#Javier Peña#Javier Peña fic#Javier Peña fanfiction#Pedro Pascal#Pedro Pascal characters#Pedro Pascal characters fanfiction#pedro pascal fic#Narcos#Narcos fic#Javier Peña x ofc#Javier Pena#Javi Peña#Javi Pena#Javier Pena fanfic
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See you soon.
Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader
Warnings: Violence
Summary: Just how Steve lived his life with a woman during his training in the 1940s, he ends up losing her and Steve knows that she’s dead for over 70 years. But without knowing Hydra had plan. He found out about Captain Hydra.
Author’s Note: The GIF does NOT hint that Steve is Captain Hydra, no. I couldn’t find a female version gif.
I do not own the gif but I can’t seem to find the owner! I might make a series about a What If...?
Word count: 9000+
I know I’m sorry it’s long
Love you!
Added a few other gifs for your liking.
~~~~~
.
1941, Camp Lehigh
.
"Come on, ladies! I don't see much effort in those push-ups! I want that chin touching the ground!" The boots of the Major's stood at the end of his face, gritting his teeth, he felt the blood rush to his face as he forced himself up slower than the others.
Rogers glanced up to the woman who wasn't even looking at him. No pettiness was shown on her face when she looks at him, but she didn't even glance at him to yell.
The way she did it made him think she was trying to intimidate him to push more. He ignored her and continued to push up. "All right, stand up," She calls out, the soldiers jumped back onto their feet.
The soldiers held their hands behind their backs, chins high up as they panted. She didn't look at the scrawny boy on his knees as she continued on. "Sergeant Duffy will have you run a two mile trail, after that you'll continue on with the push-ups, sit-ups and jumping jacks once again along with your drill commands before we do the dirty work."
Hodge, one of the trainees smiled at that as he looked over to his buddies who had the same thought of what she said. They laughed lightly as the woman gets a tap on her shoulder and turns to the other woman who spoke into her ear.
The Major nods to her and turns back to the soldiers, "All right, you know the drill." The woman nods at them and sends them off.
Rogers watched as she walked away from them and Duffy called them all in for that run. "All right, you heard Major L/N! Fall in!" Duffy shouts.
Steve found out her name was Y/N from Erskine, said she was a soldier like him before. Scrawny like him, asthma, high blood pressure, and similar illnesses he had. She was probably in her thirties by now, joined at the age of 17 and she struggled the same way he did before she built up so much and became taller and stronger.
How he imagined himself just being the exact traits. He didn't realize his Major had turned around and looked at him, he didn't think to look away. He haven't spoken to her but wish he could-
"Rogers! I said fall in!" Duffy called, Steve broke his graze and rushed over to his teammates while Y/N watched him line with his group. She went inside the tent, spotting Chester Phillips and Peggy Carter in the room.
"How they looking?" Chester asked, Y/N walked over and sighed, "They're getting there."
"And the little one?" Chester was referring to Rogers. Y/N looked away from his gaze, "He's just a bit behind." Chester inhaled sharply and turned away. "Why would Dr. Erskine think this camp is some kind of circus. We're not getting out there if one man is pulling us back."
"Dr. Erskine has a point that Rogers is for the Project Rebirth."
"We need someone who we know is best. Like Hodge," Chester says. Y/N walks up to him, "Erskine told me Rogers had been trying to enlist himself into the army multiple times. He's wants to be out there."
"You only have pity for the boy because you're friends with Sergeant Barnes."
"Barnes has nothing to do with Rogers' enlistment to the army, that boy is just like the other men. I don't show pity for him because I know he can do it," Y/N almost shouts, some people can hear it from outside. Chester and Peggy stand there in silence as Y/N finally lets out a huff.
"I was just like him when I was 17. I've been serving this country for 10 years and you thought I couldn't do it from the beginning. Look where I got to, now. If I didn't get that chance to be in that project, I'm sure damn well I can make that happen for someone who is like me. And I don't fail my mission here, Colonel. He came here for a reason, I’m damn sure I can give him a reason to be in this army."
After that, Y/N walked out of the tent leaving Peggy and Chester speechless. No, Y/N wasn't crushing on Rogers. She was just like him when she was young, she didn't get that Project Rebirth thing during her training. It was just as hard as it was for him. Y/N was the only female who became one of the highest ranks in the army.
The first one to Major in the US army.
A day had gone by, the same routines for the candidates. Rogers struggling once again as Y/N watched them. Once again, ignoring him, he thought she was now just completely too frustrated to even look at him. Until she did.
One short glance, she looked away to spot Chester and Erskine coming their way. She glanced at Peggy, "Take over for me, please." She nods, "All right, up!"
Y/N walks up to the two men. "You stick a needle in that kid's arm, it's gonna go right through him," Chester says to Erskine. Y/N looks over to Rogers who's doing the jumping jacks with the group.
"Look at that," He says, "He's making me cry."
"I am looking for qualities beyond the physical," Erskine says, turning his head towards Chester. "By what I've heard from Peggy is that he had strategy on taking the flag by removing the pin. With that I think he's the one," Y/N said.
"Do you, Chester, know how long it took to set up this project?" Chester asked, Erskine groans, "All the groveling I had to do in front of Senator What's-His-Name's committees?"
"Brandt. Yes, I know. I am well aware of your efforts."
"Then throw me a bone. Hodge passed every test we gave him," The three look over to the taller man in the group. Y/N watched him in disgust, "He's big, he's fast. He obeys orders. He's a soldier."
"He is a bully," Erskine said.
"You don't win wars with niceness, Doctor," Chester looks over to the truck and walks over to it, taking a grenade. "You win wars with guts," Chester takes the clip out and snaps it, throwing it over to the group in front of them. "Grenade!"
Everyone looks down to see the grenade, "Move, move!" Hodge and the rest scatter off and Y/N watched as Rogers runs over to it. Peggy began to make the sacrifice as well till he slides on top of it and curls up.
"Get away!" He shouts, Peggy halts.
"Get back!" He swats his hand. Y/N watched in shock to see such a similarity of herself from him. The act of bravery and sacrifice. The memories of her life came rushing through.
His eyes were scrunched up to see the light just not on the Earth but it never came. Slowly, he opens his eyes confusingly. Quickly, he sits up. "It was a dummy grenade," Someone calls to the group on the other side while Steve looks around to the soldiers who continued on with their business.
Erskine managed to crack a smile.
Panting, he looks over to the three, "Is this a test?" Y/N walks over to him, Erskine looks at Chester as he shrugs. "He's still skinny."
Y/N stood at his feet as he looked up to her, all he saw was her grin before she looks up to the rest. "All right, back in line." Y/N holds her hand out to him and he takes it. Never in his life, a woman would do such a thing for him. Being ignored was one of them. Bucky knew one day he'd find someone, but Rogers knew it won't be close.
He takes her hand and she helps him up to his feet. She towered over him, "Brave thing you did," Was all she said to him that afternoon before leaving him there with the group as Peggy waited for them to get back in line.
Steve watched her go with Dr. Erskine.
It was dark that evening, most of the soldiers were either out hanging around the camp after a long day of training. Some rested in their tents or small lodges. Y/N heard that Steve was the chosen one and first thing in the morning he would go for that procedure. After that, Y/N will have to move on somewhere else.
Walking into the building, she spots Steve sitting on the edge of his bed, he looks over his shoulder and his face drops. "Major," He said. Y/N cracked a smile, "It's the end of the day, Rogers. When we're alone, I guess you can call me Y/N."
He smiled as she sat on the bed across from him. "Trouble sleeping?" She asked. He sighs, "Something like that, yeah."
She nods softly, "Excited for the procedure tomorrow?" He looks up at her. "Not sure I'm 100 percent," He says, she chuckles lightly. "You're lucky to be the one to do it. Those men couldn't pull off what you just did in the field. Gave me some memories of my training."
"You were bullied as well?" He asked.
She licks her lips, the grin losing its emotion, "I was similar to what you are. Back then, everyone never really expected a girl with asthmatic problems and such a small body that could snap if someone had simply shook my hand."
"Never knew you were like me. I mean, this training changed you other than being a project." Y/N smiles, "I never wanted to pity you. I never wanted to look at you with such hate and regret that you were just like me. The weak ones tend to be the most ignored beings and they still show goodness around others. I see that in you. In both of us."
"Guess you're the only woman who doesn't show much pity towards me."
Y/N grins, "You never spoken to a woman before?"
"This is the longest conversation I've had so far. Especially being alone in a room with beautiful one. I mean- You're...yeah..." He says. Y/N chuckled at him and slowly stood up, "I would've liked to be there for your procedure. But, you know, those men still need me. Carter will escort you to Dr. Erskine. I'm afraid you won't see me for a while."
Steve inhales sharply, "Well, I guess it's a goodbye, then."
"Goodbye is a rough one. Good people never say goodbye. They simply say... See you soon," She says. Steve smiled at her as she gently hung her head down as she walked out of the building, leaving Steve there alone. See you soon, Rogers.
.
1943
.
Steve hadn't been in the battle since the procedure. Chester gutted him out again.
"I asked for an army. All I got was you. You're not enough."
Steve would've burned those words in hell. As if the project meant nothing but some fun high school project ready to be thrown in the trash just to be noticed in the school papers. But, Steve was not turned down by Brandt. With his action in the papers of saving a child from a Hydra agent who killed Dr. Erskine for a super-soldier serum which was smashed on the ground. Brandt had given him a chance to serve his country, which Steve gladly accepted and he was promoted.
Steve was now on tour around the nation. This is not what he wanted, he got noticed by the people, but he wasn't in the action to take bullets and explosions.
This wasn't serving his country, this was offering them entertainment. He felt like a circus clown making balloons for the children and getting pictures by men and women, gladly signing everything.
If Y/N saw him now, she would scream like hell at Chester. Unless she's already doing that. She's probably more busy than he was right now. Probably fighting in the war with Hydra agents, punching men like he had punched Adolf Hitler two hundred times for 2 years straight.
This was too awkward for him, he couldn't even say it to anyone.
He was now in Italy performing in front of active servicemen, who seem to not like him at all.
"How many of you are ready to help me sock old Adolf on the jaw?" Steve asked in his proud voice, staring at the group of men watching him in boredom.
"Okay," He says, "Uh..." He thinks Y/N's there, trying to spot her in the crowd but it was all men. "I need a volunteer."
"I already volunteered! How do you think I got here?" One of the men called, the crowd laughs. "Bring back the girls!" Another shouts. Everyone cheers at that and Steve felt like a kid again. The bullying came back, it always did.
He turns his head, "I think they only know the one song, but, um," Steve turns again, "I'll see what I can do."
"You do that, sweetheart," A man calls. "Nice boots, Tinker Bell!" Hodge called, the crowd laughs. Steve's shoulders drop, "Come on, guys, we're all on the same team here."
This is exactly how it felt. A man who wanted to just be a man of service. And it became opposite. A kid who became a clown show for everyone to see and laugh at.
"Hey, Captain!" A man stands up, "Sign this!" The man pulls down his pants and Steve looks away from the man's butt he shown towards the stage and the crowd cheers.
Another man stands up and throws a tomato. Where the hell did he get that from? Steve lifts up his shield and the tomato splatters onto his shield. More came and he hid behind the shield.
Embarrassed, he storms offstage and the girls rush pass him causing the crowd to burst out in happiness as the women pose on stage. He hoped Y/N wasn't there to see him act like a clown and be treated like one.
He didn't see her, so he felt lucky.
But she was angry. She stood off to the side by the stage watching him get humiliated. The chance to go find him, she looks at the men on the ground and walked over to the stage.
Steve slowly walked offstage and sighed. "Don't worry, pal. They'll warm up to you. Don't worry," His stage man says, Steve walked down the stairs in silence as the woman rush up to do their song on the stage.
It began to rain, the show ended just an hour ago. He covered himself with a coat to hide the awful suit, telling himself a job well done. Well done to be embarrassed in front of men who he trained with.
He felt like a complete idiot.
All he did to get rid of those things was her and drawing. Not even realizing he was sketching her in his notebook alongside a monkey on a unicycle.
The rain pounded on the tent above him, the dirt turning into mud. He didn't hear the footsteps behind him on the stage as he doodled in his book.
"I see you have something on your mind," Someone spoke. Steve turns around to see Y/N, her coat in her arm as she smiled at him. His mouth gaped, "Hi."
She smiled, "You're a good drawer." She sits down next to him and reaches for his book, "May I?" He felt the blood rush to his cheeks as he nods handing her the book. She smiled at the sketch, "It's beautiful," She looks at him. The look of embarrassment washed away with his smile.
He could never get enough of it. "I almost didn't recognize you," She says.
Steve grins, "Was it the bullying that gave it away?"
She shook her head, her eyes looking over his features. "No. It was just you," She said. Steve looks down and fidgets with his hands, she shook her head again, "What the hell happened to you, Steve?"
He looks up, "Trust me, I would've wanted to be in a fight more than pretending to be in one. The crowd I'm used to are usually more, uh... twelve."
Y/N smiled, "Well, those idiots act like twelve years olds." Steve gave her a sided smile. "You were meant for more than this, you know. Not a lab rat or a dancing monkey," She points at the drawing beside her sketch.
She flipped the page and smiled, "Can I?" She asked. Steve hands her the pencil, she began to draw. "You know anyone would've wanted to be in your shoes right now. With this serum thing you could do anything, but Erskine chose you for that reason. You're a good man. If this was planned years ago, I would've done it as well. Being like us isn't easy."
Steve smiles at her, "How much were you bullied?"
"A lot. For a woman, I thought they'd just have at me one day. But they just told me to quit. No woman like you isn't gonna reach the big leagues. You'll die once you take a step into the field. Look where it got me now," She glanced at him.
Steve looks down to the book, her arm was blocking his view to see the drawing. "Did your parents support you?" He asked.
Y/N gently grins and loses it in a second, "My dad was in World War I, died from a grenade in the pit... He took the sacrifice and jumped on it."
"My dad was in the war, too. Died as well," He says. Y/N looks over, "I had a mom, she left the family just a week after I was born. Left a letter said she wasn't ready cause she was only 20. She felt too young cause she was 19 when she first found out. I was left with my dad's side of the family."
"I'm sorry," Was all he said. She shakes her head, "It's got to be at least someone to deal with it. Everyone's gotta have one problem in their lives to solve in the future. Conflict is what brings us to our ends or beginnings to what makes us, ourselves. It builds up your reputation, your actions, your life."
Such deeps words from someone who was similar to Steve himself. He wouldn't have said those words to explain some meaning to him. What she said was unbelievably right. Something you have to deal with in order to build your reputation.
Make it. Don't replace it.
Y/N closes the journal with the pencil inside. Handing it back to him with a smile, "Would be awesome to be like Captain America, maybe Miss America is up for the beauty pageants. Might want her as a side kick," Y/N winks playfully as she walks up the stairs to head back to the camp.
Smiling, he looks down at his journal and opens it.
Glad to see you again.
He read, the drawing she had was a picture of him. Without looking at him during their conversation, she seemed to have every detail of his face on the paper. He had a charming smile, his hair was exact like his there. Through all that talking, she made this and it would take an professional artist to pull this off in hours. This took her minutes. Her cursive was neatly written, something he would love to see more.
He glanced back but she was gone. Only to see her rush to the tent when a truck pulled in the injure man. Peggy came over, "They look like they've been through hell," Steve says to her.
She glanced over her shoulder, "These men more than most. Schmidt sent out a force to Azzano. Two hundred men went up against him, and less than 50 returned. Your audience contained what was left of the 107th." Steve's head shoots up.
"The rest were killed or captured."
"The 107th?" He asked, Peggy furrows her brows, "What?"
"Bucky? Oh, my God. It's me. It's Steve."
"Steve?" Bucky smiles as Steve helps him off the bed. "I thought you were smaller."
Steve looks around. Steve helps Bucky out.
Steve had gotten the 107th back from Hydra. Saved most of the soldiers back to camp. Everyone in the camps watched them walk in, all cheering for the Captain. Steve spotted Peggy and Chester. Raising his hand up, he salutes to Chester. "Some of these men need medical attention," Steve looks over to Peggy than back to Chester, "I'd like to surrender myself for disciplinary action."
"That won't be necessary," Chester says, he managed to crack a smile, "Yes, sir," Steve did as well. Chester turns to Peggy, "Faith, huh?" He asked.
She seemed worried, Steve furrowed his brows, "Where's Y/N?" Her eyes seem to wander off. "After you left for those men, she found out about it and went after you. I thought she'd return with you."
Steve's mouth was gaped in shock, fear of now he put his one possible friend in danger. "I have to go back to her."
"She said if she doesn't come back, don't go after her. That's what she told me," Peggy says. Steve let out a huff and she swallowed thickly. "She wanted to give you this, though."
Peggy pulls out a letter and slips it into his gloved hand. Steve stares at it and drops his hand down, wanting to open it when he's alone. Peggy gently smiles, "We'll find her. If you came back with these men, I'm sure you'll bring her back."
Peggy knew Steve had somewhat a connection with the woman. All she could think was that he should be the one to save her.
"Let's hear it for Captain America!" Bucky shouts. Everyone around him shouts and pat his back as he smiles.
Steve was in England for a briefing, he found out some of the coordinates from what he saw when saving Bucky. After explaining the coordinates, the man takes the map from Steve and Peggy, he looks at Peggy. "I just go a quick look."
She sighs, "Well, nobody's perfect."
Steve looks down again, "They must've taken her to either of those or the main base."
"We'll be sure to reach every single one for her Steve, your men will find her. I know that she's gonna be okay."
After the briefing with Chester and Peggy, Steve remembered the letter from Y/N. Going over to the desk, he leans on the desk and slips the letter out of his suit pocket and opens it.
See you soon.
He saw the similar writing, much like his mothers. Another drawing was him again, this time with a suit on. A Captain America suit of her artwork. The details and looks were good. Something he can arrange to Mr. Stark about. The shield was different. It was a circular shield, the star in the middle. Without colors, he assumed it would be red, white and blue, of course.
The helmet had wings on either side of his head, belt buckles below with a chin holster hanging loosely. The A in the center of his helmet representing America to his suit.
He loved it.
A smile grew on his lips. He'll make sure she sees what she built for him.
"A letter from a lover?" A woman asked, he looks up to see a blonde woman looking at him in the flirtatious way possible. It didn't phase him. "From a friend..."
"Well, if that friend was a girl, she'd be lucky to have you," The woman says, walking up to him. "You've saved over 400 men that day, you're a hero and I'm sure she's impressed."
"She's-uh... I-She's not interested--"
"Oh, I'm sure any girl would be interested in you," She grasps his tie, "The women of America, they owe you their thanks." Lightly, she pulls him leading him to hide behind the shelves. "And seeing as they're not here..." She grabs the collar of his coat and pulls him into a kiss.
He paused in shock before kissing her back. The letter goes back to his mind. A letter from Y/N. Then she popped into his head. His hands gently held her hips, not holding them there. Not sure where to put them.
He needed to be serious. Him and Peggy need to find Y/N-
"Captain!" Steve pulls away, holding a hand up to his lips, facing Peggy, "We're ready for you, if you're not otherwise occupied." Peggy glares at the woman, storming off. Steve follows her, regretting that kiss now.
"Peggy, I--"
"Looks like finding Y/N was not on your mind at all, even a partner wasn't that hard, was it? When we find her dead, I'll be sure to tell her you were occupied with another woman."
"Peggy, that's not-" He heard what she said, "What? No, that's not what you thought it was." Steve shoves his tie back into his uniform. "I don't think anything, Captain, not one thing. Be sure to tell Y/N that, huh? Possibly to her grave."
Steve closed the gape in his mouth, Y/N wouldn't be dead by now.
Howard was going over the shields for Steve, explaining every one he had except the one that caught his eye. Pulling out the letter, he sees the similarity between Y/N's sketch and the shield. "What about this one?" Steve picks it up. "No, no, that's just a prototype." Steve shows it off, "What's it made of?" He asked.
"Vibranium. It's stronger than steel and a third the weight. Steve sees the straps and slides his arm in. "It's completely vibration absorbent." Steve grazed his fingers over the edge, "How come it's not standard issue?" He asked.
"That's the rarest metal on Earth," Howard says, "What you're holding there, that's all we've got."
"You quite finished, Mr. Stark?" Peggy beams in, "I'm sure the Captain has some unfinished business. We're still on the look for Y/N." Steve holds the shield up to him, "What do you think?" He asked.
Peggy thinks for a second before reaching for the guns on the table and takes the handgun. She fires at the shield, Steve immediately hiding behind it as the bullets fall to the ground at his feet. He peaks over the shield. "Yes, I think it works."
Howard walks around the table as they watched her walk off. Steve takes out Y/N's letter and holds it out.
"A friend had some ideas about the uniform."
Howard takes it in his hand, "Whatever you want, pal." Steve looks at him, "After you're done. I want that back." Howard nods. "Sure thing."
1944
See you soon.
"Bucky! Hang on! Grab my hand! No!"
No sign of her. No sign of Bucky. He lost two of his friends. Y/N would be dead by now. He wouldn't give up and not avenge for her and his friend. He would do what is right an continue on with this war. All he could remember of her is the sketch and letter of hers. See you soon, the three words repeated in his head. Another set of three words he would've wanted at the end of those first three.
"You know, it's never too late to think that she's dead."
"It's been a year. One of those days, they could've taken her life already. If Bucky was in pain when I saved him, she's twice in much pain."
Peggy sits down in front of him, "Even if she weren't gone yet, we'll find her. I promised you that a year ago."
"I guess we can just forget it now," Steve says, eyes on his drink on front of him, "Can't really drown in my sorrows cause I can't get drunk, so..."
"You're drowning in them, Steve. But you know this fight still continues. It wasn't your fault."
"For Bucky it wasn't. For hers... definitely."
"You did everything you could for the both of them. For Y/N, she's strong enough to take care of herself. I knew she was just like you. Do you believe in them? Did you respect them? Then stop blaming yourself. Her choices were her own, she made the most risky choice of all. Allow their choices. But don't let her be the reason you're not doing this. She would want you to keep going, whether she's not there or not."
Steve looks down and swallows.
"Steve..." Peggy reaches over and grabbed his hand.
His eyes look up to her.
"Whether she is gone or not... she'll always be there."
.
2015
.
See you soon.
Steve stared at the monument in front of him. "Major Y/N L/N was Steve Rogers and his candidates commander during their training in 1941. Y/N and Dr. Erskine had chosen Rogers for the Project. When Y/N was 17 years old, she was just like Steve Rogers."
Steve saw a photo of her, the picture was old enough to tell it was when she joined. She was small, short than she was now. Y/N was just a few inches from Steve's height. "After the 10 years of training, she became the first woman Major in the US Army Forces. Joining the Captain's side."
A short clip of Steve and Y/N stood there, the two were discussing some things in his training. Then Bucky came up in the clip with her in it, "Y/N L/N and James Buchanan Barnes were also friends, she helped the 107th in 1943. Helping less than 50 injured men while Steve Rogers went out and saved over 400 men back to camp in Italy, 1943. Y/N was reported dead after being captured by Hydra."
After seeing Bucky being tortured by Hydra and saved him from the river after the helicarriers in Washington crashed down. Steve was left with nothing now. Thoughts were going through his mind. Was Y/N actually dead? How do they know they have proof when they didn't show Steve her body?
Steve didn't want the answer. He didn't want to ask Nick after he woken up 70 years later. Before the ice, Peggy gave him the last thing before he went under the ice.
"She would be proud of you, Steve." And Peggy let him go.
If Y/N was alive and Steve went under ice, she'd be in bed like Peggy was. Maybe she was and he was too late to tell her how he actually felt. He took a last glance at his compass, a picture of Y/N with the letter she wrote folded with his suit sketch she made.
Steve did visit Peggy once. She was diagnosed with dementia. He was patient with her, she even gave him proof that Y/N was indeed not found. Not even her body after the war had ended.
Shield had Zola in their organization, having Hydra agents in the building. Now Natasha released all that information to the world. Steve got information for Bucky, if Y/N was alive and had gone through same thing Bucky went in, she could be out there. They must've burned her files to keep her information from going out.
Steve's assumptions could be correct. But he would have to find her in 7.2 billion people in the world.
It was hard to find Bucky, even when he died in front of Steve. It was just a coincidence he happened to be in the same time as Steve. Natasha has heard about Y/N, even added a smug remark with a smirk.
"We always knew you'd go for the women who are higher ranks than you."
She was right. Steve was a Captain but Y/N was a rank higher as Major. But he didn't go for her because of that. He couldn't explain why he did. It was something that just pulled him in. Was it the smile, kissing her teeth at him in the most flirting or happy way possible? Was it her eyes that just show what she felt, the glistening in her e/c eyes.
Or was it that she understood how it felt to be just like him?
"Nobody, special though?" Nat asked. He chuckled but he stops when Y/N flooded his mind, when she mentioned the kiss, it wasn't Y/N.
"Believe it or not, it's kind of hard to find someone with shared life experience."
Steve would've slapped himself mentally for that reply, Natasha believed Y/N was out there. Natasha would dig up a whole website just to find the person he didn't spend his time with. Someone with shared life experience, someone who he barely met but felt like he knew them from inside and out.
Natasha read about her. During her free time, maybe hack a few things to get some information to get the same files like Bucky's.
"She's an artist?"
Steve flinched at Natasha's voice when she spotted his letter from her, she smiled at him. "She has good hand writing." Steve looks down at the letter and slipped it back into his pocket. "She first sketched the suit. The shield was partially Howard and her idea." He could feel Natasha's eyes and her cheeks pull her lips upward into a smile.
"She has good taste."
Everything he could've imagined wasn't in front of him. He should just tell himself, she's gone and go to bed. But the feeling of her being dead was just keeping him awake. He wanted to go out and find her, to stop those nightmares of seeing her being tortured to death, the words saying that he left her there to die.
"You left me here to die!"
Steve has heard her shouts, but these were the shouts of anger. Betrayal.
He didn't realize his phone has been buzzing for the past minute and he takes it out. Natasha's name popped up.
I found it. Get to the compound
Steve quickly darted out of the monument and to his bike in the lot. He revved his bike and rode off. Going quick, he was aware of police and tried very little to slow down in traffic. He didn't like the way she used the word 'it'. She meant by the file, but she could've said 'her'. He reached the Avengers compound in 10 minutes. He stopped at the entrance and quickly darted to the lab.
Natasha was at the table, a box with files were stacked in. She was holding a piece of paper. "It was hard, you know. Maybe you could return it and get pizza, eh?" She asked. Steve walks over to her, "Where is it?" He asked. Natasha reaches over and hands him a file.
"I was looking through the files and came up to her files. They said she was writing letters and when the war ended Hydra burned what was left of their things and they've collected the things that kind of... survived." Steve lifts up the letters, the similar handwriting. "It's hers. I can tell by her handwriting."
Natasha licks her lips, "One of them is a picture. It's burnt, I can't really see what it looks like but it's got a date." Steve picks up the photo, it was half burnt.
1944
"That was the year after she was taken," Steve says, Natasha shoots up, "So, she was alive." Steve looks up from the photo. "They must've knew we were coming. They took her somewhere else. But it doesn't prove that she's alive now."
"If you look closely at the photo, it looks like there's a hand inside a chamber. They probably put her in one. Like your other friend," Steve pulls the photo up to his face and sees her hand. He wanted to disagree she was alive. It would break him to know she had been tortured without him coming to save her. What would she think if she realized she was held by Hydra all these years?
"She's beautiful. Now I know why you chose her," Natasha smiles up at him when he gives her a warning look. "What's this?" Steve pulls up the paper.
Captain Hydra.
Captain Hydra. Who the hell was Captain Hydra? Was Zola planning on taking Steve to use him for their own Captain? "They might be referring to your friend, Barnes," Natasha says.
"But this is in Y/N's file. Out of the people she knew most was me," He says, "She must've talked to them about me. And they were gonna find me and use me as one of their own men." Natasha glanced at the paper, "Everything there has been erased. I didn't even find it in their computers. Almost like they were planning this all along and kept it from others."
"How do we find her?"
Natasha stared at the papers, "We just keep our eyes and ears open till someone reports something similar to what the Winter Soldiers traits are. Ballistics. Soviet-made."
Who knows how long it would take for them to find out where she was. If they find Bucky, they could use him to find her. But they were both gone. Steve looked at the photos that were burned with her letters. "How long do you think these were burned?"
"Well, could've been recent. Probably in the 70s, everything that was written in there was from a floppy disk so this had to be in the 70s. Information about Y/N's live was probably written by her close friends, either Howard Stark or Margaret Carter."
"They knew her, yeah. So can we find out where these were burned?" Natasha shrugs. "With the right technology, probably, yeah. I mean from what you're coming from, sounds so stupid."
"What I mean is if we find that exact spot where they found these photos, that means Hydra's undercover base is near that area."
This could be it. A way to find Y/N. "Steve..." Natasha says, he looks at her, "What we're doing for her, it's not gonna be easy. She's Hydra now. She won't remember you. For the time being, keep our distance and be aware. Don't overthink about it, if she engages, we could do something we both will regret."
Steve didn't want this plan to go down. If Natasha would have to kill her, he would be upset. He won't allow it.
He nods. "Okay."
Natasha dug through the files more, finding Zola's file. "Looks who's in his file." Steve glanced over to the paper Natasha had held up to him.
"Ulysses Klaue, he was the guy from the ship wreck, remember? The one who was selling that vibranium?" Steve takes the photo in hand, "What was he doing at the Hydra's base?"
"He was only known for the vibranium. They must've used the vibranium to make something strong." Natasha flips the papers over to read the backs. "There's a date and location here. 2012, in Kiev, Ukraine. There's a photo of someone," Natasha looks closely at the blurred picture. Steve takes it into his hand.
A dark figure with red stripes, their curves were shown due to the tight war suit. The symbol of the skull with tentacles coming out on their back. It stood taller than the people around them. "Who's that?" Natasha asked.
Steve didn't want to ask that question. The realization that could be answering their questions now. " We need to go to Ukraine."
"Steve-"
"Once we get there, we'll get her alone and we get her here, keep her-"
"Steve, we can't expect this to go the way we want to. This is Hydra we're talking about, I mean, you've taken them down inn the 40s but did we capture Bucky the time we saw him?" Steve doesn't reply, "No. So, we need to find some way to do this without her being known to Hydra. We have to at least think about this before we find her."
Steve wanted to just run out that door and fly over to Ukraine. Y/N had been gone for too long. He was looking for her back then why shouldn't he now? He nods. "Okay."
Kiev, Ukraine
Natasha and Steve were in the city of Kiev, they found out the coordinates on the photo they found in the files. Natasha stared at her phone as Steve kept his hand on the wheel, slowly driving down the road. "How much further?" Steve sounded impatient, Natasha hadn't spoken if they had made it there or not. "Relax. Just a few more," She says.
Steve sighs as he drew his eyes back to the road. Natasha tensed up a bit, "Stop." Steve pulls into the empty spot on the side of the road, people were still around. Steve looked around the area from the car windows. "This doesn't look like the right spot."
"It says we're just at the spot. Says it's below us," Natasha steps out of the car, she was wearing a brown coat with a scarf around her neck. Steve was wearing a leather jacket with a grey t-shirt and dark jeans. He covered his hair with a dark blue cap and dark shades.
Natasha walks around to Steve's side of the car, standing on the sidewalk. "They knew we were gonna go after her, they took us off the path."
Natasha smiles behind her shades, "When's the last time you've seen secret rooms in such a crowded town, hm?" She asked. Natasha walks into the store just across from them, looking up to the title of the store.
It was a antique store, sighing in the process he walked in with Natasha. The two heard the music play around the room as a woman with dark hair greeted them nicely. Natasha slipped her phone into her pocket and walked over to the wall, Steve followed her. "We don't have time to look at clocks."
Natasha smirks, "Relax, Cap. All you need is a secret password you have to say to the woman there and she'll take us there."
"How do you know that will work? You don't know it."
"Yeah. But you do," Natasha says, Steve looks at her. The shine of her shades shimmered at him and he knew what he had to do.
"Who the hell are you?!"
"The first of many. Cut off one head..." The man uses his tongue to slip his tooth off his gum, he bites into the tooth, "Two more shall take its place..." Steve watched as the man's mouth began to foam. "Hail Hydra..."
Steve turns to the woman who was patiently minding her own business at the shop desk. Steve walks over to the woman, "May I help you?" Her accent was thick. Here we go. Natasha peaked over the shelf as Steve placed his hands on the desk and leaned forward.
"Hail Hydra."
The way the woman tensed up a bit, she reaches under the desk for something. Over the shelf, Natasha went to reach for her gun in her belt. Steve tensed up a bit if this woman had found out who he was under those shades.
She pushed something and Steve pushed himself off the desk as the woman guides him to the back. Natasha releases her gun and follows. The woman took them to the back and she nods to the shelf. "Hail Hydra," Is all she says before leaving them in that room. Natasha watched her leave and pulled out her phone, "I got some kind of energy flowing behind here. A four inch wall on the other side."
"So she tricked us?" Steve asked, Natasha smiled, "If you're hiding a secret Hydra facility..." Natasha reaches for the book and pulls it down, "...you gotta have more steel." The doors open up, they were the four inch steel as it revealed a hallway.
Natasha smiles. "Let's find your girl Major, Captain."
The two began to walk down the dimly lit hallway, stairs leading down further. "Put the phone down, you're gonna get us caught." Natasha shoots a look at him and slips the phone into her pocket. "We're in the danger zone, anything that goes down, we're two against over 50 men. If they find out we're here for her, they'll probably kill her."
"They would have to kill me in order to get to her," Steve says. A Hydra agent began to walk down their way, Steve and Nat kept walking. If this man was to engage, Natasha would have to do the talking.
They released their breath they held once the man had passed them without saying anything. They were now losing signal. Unable to call anyone, if they catch them, no one will ever know they were there.
Steve and Natasha reached the big room. Doctors and agents walking all around the room. No one spotted them come in because everyone was just scattering around. "All right. Now we just find someone who may be the leader in this facility."
Steve looks around, "We can't. If we do, they'll pick us off and take us out. We need to just find her on our own." Nat began to walk down the stairs and took one of the halls, Steve picks up his feet. "Where are you going?"
"Finding your girl, what do you think?"
Someone shouts out in a foreign language causing the two to stop. Steve and Nat turn to the man, who looked like a leader. "Who are you?" He asked in his foreign language, that they both understood.
"We're here for the leader..."
"You're speaking to him. I am Vyslav," He says, Natasha smiled up at Steve, hinting him to keep his mouth shut. Let her do the talking. "We heard about your new project... This. Captain Hydra?" She almost sounded flirtatious, the way the man smiled knew they were gonna get information about this Captain Hydra and plan.
He nods, "Follow me." The man takes them down the hall further and further. Steve was looking at Natasha who just had a smug look that she had just covered them from getting killed by the worst way possible.
They were gonna die there.
The man took them into his office, it was big. He walked over to his desk and sat down. "Sit," He says in English, his accent still thick. Natasha and Steve look at each other before they sat down. "I know who you two are," He says.
Steve looks over to Natasha. The man stands up, "Captain Steve Rogers and Black Widow. You can't fool me. After what you did in Washington, releasing our files into the world, we had to hide more discreetly. You want to know about this project we've had for a long time."
"If you're planning on using me for your project, you'll have it over my dead body," Steve says. The man stares blankly at him before bursting into a fit of laughter. Natasha had enough of his fuss and stood up from her chair and pulled out her gun.
She pointed it at him, the man holds his hand up, "Oh, you don't want to do that, Miss Romanoff. There are two of you, against 100 of my men out there." Natasha looks over to the door on his left before glancing back at him. "We stopped Pierce's plans with just less than 5 people and you think we can't handle a hundred men?" The corner of her lip lifts up. Steve was on his feet as well, holding his hand up.
Vyslav looks at Steve, now. "Captain Hydra is not a plan to use you for one of our own, Rogers." Steve watched the smirk rise on his face. "We already finished the plan. Just like your friend Bucky. She will have her fun on you two."
A loud bang hits the doors behind them and Natasha turns to face the door. A dark figure appears in the door way. Steve's face drops. The soldier was a copy of him, the shape of them was odd but he noticed the shield that was black and red, the symbol of Hydra on their shield.
That's the vibranium. Vyslav takes the advantage to scatter, Natasha points her gun at him and went to fire till the soldier throws their shield and Natasha gets tackled by Steve. Steve watched the shield retract back to its owner.
Steve pants as the cold stare behind their mask. It resembled much of his outfit. "Go!" Steve helps Natasha back up and she darts for the door. Natasha fired at the soldier as Steve rips the door open that Natasha spotted and he grabs Natasha's arm.
The soldier drops their shield and storms towards the door. "Who was that?" Natasha asked, Steve kept pushing her up the stairs. "I don't know-" Steve ducks to the shooting below them. Looking over the railing, he sees the soldier at the bottom of the stairs. The gun aims at him and he moves his head away and the bullet hits the railing. "Go!"
Steve pushed the door open and they met the second floor. "The door to the exit is down this hall!" Natasha says. Steve and Natasha ran down the long hall. The labs beside them, doctors and men saw them and began to pull out their guns.
Steve instantly ducks his head, holding Natasha down as well, glass shattering from the labs as bullets fly. Steve turns his head and spots the soldier at the end of the hall where they came from.
He saw them place their shield onto their back. "Keep going!" Steve pushes Natasha further up. The soldier empties their gun and throws the clip up and snaps it into the bottom of the gun. Slipping into its holster, the soldier runs towards them. Steve looks back at Natasha who was slightly closer to the exit. Looking back to the soldier, they were getting closer.
Steve swats at Natasha, "Go!" Steve falls forward from a large impact from behind and rolls onto the ground. Stumbling back up, he meets the eyes of the soldier. Captain Hydra. They pull out a blade and began to swung. Not this again. Steve swats the soldier's hands away from his face, taking their wrist and twists it. The soldier does a flip to the direction of the twist and releases Steve's grip, whipping around and kicks him back.
Steve stands back up and a gun shot was heard. The soldier comes to a halt and Steve looks over to see Natasha with her arm up. Steve looks back to see the soldier look down at the shocking disc on their chest. Swiftly, Steve swings towards their face and makes a run for it.
"Go!" Steve shouts, he grabs Natasha and they run down the hall again. "Clearly Y/N is not there!" Natasha shouts, Steve helps Natasha duck from the gunfire behind them. "They must have had her in a lab. I saw them!" Steve said. They reach the door to the back of the antique store. Steve comes to a halt when Natasha had to put the code in due to the lock down.
She pulls out her device. Steve looks down the hall, who was that soldier? Captain Hydra.
"Just like your friend Bucky. She will have her fun with you two."
"Captain Hydra is Y/N."
"What?" Natasha asked, she dodges the flying bullets seeing the men get closer. "Y/N is Captain Hydra!--" Natasha got the door open and once they opened, they fly out caused by the loud explosion of a grenade. Steve hits the shelves and Natasha rolls into the store to see the woman quickly reach for her gun.
Natasha was quick enough and shot her before she could shoot her. Steve groans, lfting himself up, he looks down the hall again and spots the soldier. He can't leave her here, now. Not after finding her. "Steve!" Nat called. Steve gets up and Natasha pulls him out of the store. "I'll drive!" Nat jumps into the driver's seat and Steve in the passenger.
She steps on the gas and drove off. "We have to go back!" Steve says. "Steve! No! You saw what happened back there, we almost died!" Natasha shouts. "Y/N is Captain Hydra, we need to go back!"
"I said I will help you find her, not catch her. There's a difference," Nat says. She lets out a sigh, "You wanted to know if she was alive. That was proof that she is. We can't do anything about it, Steve. I'm sorry."
The soldier steps over the large wooden planks and shattered antiques as she looked around. No one was found. Her eyes stop to see the shades that belonged to one of the two Avengers. Taking it in hand, she looks at it. "I have a mission for you, Captain Hydra. Find them. And kill them."
Her eyes look up, eyes that could kill anyone. The eyes with the look of death and cold blood. Her gloved hand crushes the shades in her hand before walking out of the store.
Avengers Compound, New York
Steve sat at the table, hand in his hair as Natasha was doing things around in the kitchen. Glancing over her shoulder to see how much stress he was in, she kept her thoughts to herself. The longer she bothered him the more frustrating he gets and starts to shout. Steve wasn't a guy to shout, but to blame himself for leaving someone he wanted to say those three words was just too much for him.
He had it at the end of his fingertips, only to slip back another thousand feet. Her eyes turn concerning when she slightly hears a faint sniffle coming from him. She gazed up and saw him holding a letter. The color of it was dark, it was so old and she guessed it was from Y/N. Not wanting to ask about it like last time, she turns away from him.
"Go to bed, Steve. Gets some rest and we'll think about something tomorrow," Was all she said before leaving him in the kitchen with that light on only in that huge room.
Taking in the handwriting and those three words, he managed to keep the tears at bay. He sat there for a few hours. Thinking what Y/N and him would've done in the 40s. Movies were partially his idea, but the walk and talk were mostly a good idea. Even though they were similar, he still didn't know her from the inside.
Such a strong woman with such deep words and a smile that he could never get bored of. A woman who stood up for him. In return, she got tortured. Steve was too late to save her. He would deserve a complete slap from her. He would allow it.
He knows she’s alive. And he will find her again to bring her back.
“See you soon, Rogers.”
~~~~~
I think this one was a bit weird on my part, I’ll let you guys decide
I was thinking on making a series, we’ll figure that out soon
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Marvel Gender Headcanons
because i doubt some of these people are cis
Peter:
i claim this man for the trans community
he realised he was trans at around present time (15-16 years old)
he knows his family and friends will accept him
he’s still N E R V O U S
but he still wants to be true to his identity
so he wears the trans flag colours!!
Ned obvs catches on, but doesn’t say anything
Tony’s the first one Peter comes out to, bc i’m soft and irondad owns my heart
Tony gets him a spider suit with a binder built in
Peter is absolutely the kind of trans guy who forgets to take off his binder (i’m not projecting what do you mean)
he comes out to his aunt May next, and she breaks out the scissors
the other eventually figure it out, and they accept him immediately
Peter: Hey Clint?
Clint: Yo
Peter: I’m trans
Clint: *takes a gulp of his soda* wig
Peter: ???
they love him though let’s be real
Natasha Punches A Transphobe
someone calls Peter a tr*nny
Natasha sends them on a one way trip to space :)
Peter absolutely decides to go on T
and he is a handsome!! boy!!
he eventually tells Ned and MJ, and they accept him too
Ned buys him a trans flag
NED BUYS HIM A TRANS FLAG
by the time they’re graduating high school, Peter passes as cis very well
Tony:
i’m claiming Tony as trans too
i promise there’s other gender identities here jdsfhkhsdfkjh
Tony came out in the 80s of all times
we know Howard
it didn’t go over well
Maria didn’t say much about it, but Howard was actively against it
Tony didn’t care at all
he literally snuck out and got a fake ID so he could start on T
Tony was almost 18 at that point, but he still used Howard’s money
just to piss him off
well Howard ended up dying like 3 years later
Maria survived because fuck you
but Tony never ended up getting any surgeries because he ended up getting busy with the company
he just didn’t have time, with all the recovery that goes into it
he’s still on T though!!
mans has tiddies and a beard, the boomers get confused
he tends to keep it more private though
Pepper knows, how could she not?
Pepper is the sole reason Tony survived to adulthood lbr
Peter found out accidentally
Tony got oil on a shirt while fixing one of his machines, and Peter walked in while he had it off
he saw the binder and boyyy was that a surprise
but it totally explained how Tony already knew so much about supporting Peter in his transition
the problem with being an ADHD workaholic??
hyperfocusing
when Tony hyperfocuses, he forgets to take off his binder
Jarvis: Sir, you need to take off your binder
Tony: Gimme like five more minutes, I need to finish this
Jarvis: Sir, it’s been 38 hours??
Tony: *already moving onto the next task* What’s your point?
his ribs are so fucked
Pepper and Peter remind him too
my boy is a mess
Thor:
this is solely because my nb loml claimed thor as nb and it’s super fucking valid
i love you babe 🥺
so Thor learned about different genders from Loki
and also from Peter tbh
but Thor LOVED the idea of being in between
it just made him really happy!!
he started using those labels a lot, even though he didn’t know much about what they meant
being on Earth more, he started to learn more about them
mostly because they replaced cops at pride (Peter’s idea)
so Thor decided to learn more
he knew he liked boys, that wasn’t uncommon on Asgard
gender expression was very open, but that blurred the lines a lot for him
when he got to non-binary, it clicked
“oh that sounds like me”
“THATS ME”
he was excited he’d figured it out
his immediate instinct?
he went to tell Loki
the only problem was Loki was asleep
“LOKI LOKI LOKI-”
“what do you wANT-”
“I’M NON-LIBRARY!!”
“WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN-”
it took like ten minutes for Loki to figure out what he meant
Loki was tired give him a break
he just kinda pushed Thor’s face away and went back to sleep
they talked about it again in the morning
after Loki got some coffee he was more receptive
“I accept you, just please stop waking me up at 2 am”
Thor’s just trying his best
he doesn’t know how to be non-binary though
(there is no right way to be enby though)
so Loki tried a few example sentences using they/them pronouns
Thor LOVED it
so now Thor wanted to use they/them pronouns
Loki isn’t a brain cell by any means
but he sure feels like one sometimes
and he’s tired of it
ANYWAYS
Thor announced it to everyone they saw
some people heard it multiple times
“GUYS I’M NON-BINARY!! :D”
they were happy for their thude
and Thor wore an enby flag to their first pride!!
now the protector of the lesbians says non-library rights
Loki:
Loki basically always knew he was genderfluid
it just seemed really obvious to him?
he realised he wasn’t cis when he was 7
he transformed into a girl for fun
and she was like “oh i like this-”
so she experimented with that
and she fucking loved all of them
so she turned back into a boy and went to Frigga
that’s how he found out about the word genderfluid
so he basically just grew up shapeshifting as much as he wanted
when they eventually went to earth, Loki couldn’t shapeshift as much
after he was redeemed, he still needed to be recognisable so they wouldn’t think he was to pull a fast one on them
he was uncomfy
Loki stays in his room a lot
he just really doesn’t wanna deal with it
he still shapeshifts in private!
Thor ends up being the one to catch on
but he kinda knows that Loki won’t talk to him
so he sends in the spider child!
Loki and Peter have a pretty close bond
so on one of the nights they hang out, it’s a she/her day
and Loki just kinda snapped and went on a bit of a rant
and she ended up coming out to Peter
Loki totally didn’t end up crying what do you mean
she just needs a hug
obvs Peter was accepting
he gave her that hug don’t worry
this was all on a rooftop eating bad street food jhshkfhjfkhkd
he did ask if he could tell the others, and Loki reluctantly agreed
yeah, the others felt kinda bad
so they ended up compromising!!
Loki could shapeshift, but not into other people
and she could wear whatever she wanted
they also gave her bracelets so she could express her pronouns
its a long road
and it takes a long time to build trust
but Loki really does appreciate Thor and Peter’s efforts
Bucky:
trans enby rights. send tweet
let’s jump back to 1930s
Bucky was transitioning before the war
he had the surgeries and was on T
Steve was the only one who really knew
it was right when HRT was starting to become a thing
he was one of the first people to try it
and it worked pretty well!
Bucky passed easily after ~2 years on T
but then he died
RIP Bucky :(
when he comes back as a Hydra agent, they use T supplements to make his body stronger
“Jokes on you, I like that shit”
yeah no the others end up rescuing him from there
but Bucky still takes T
everyone is a bit worried about it
they think he’s still under Hydra’s control
Steve has to explain it (with Bucky’s permission)
but Bucky really starts feeling a disconnect with being a male
it’s mostly due to the trauma from Hydra
he knows he’s not a girl anymore
but he hates the idea of being a boy now
so he has no idea what he is
he ends up drawing the parallel between himself and Thor
but Bucky still sees some masculinity in Thor, which confuses him a LOT
Bucky’s always confused lbr
so he ends up finding the term Agender
and he understands it!! and likes it!!
he’s too nervous to tell the others, so he writes sentences using they/them pronouns
“Their name is Bucky Barnes”
“Bucky is tired, they need a nap”
“Bucky’s best friend is Steve. They’ve known Steve since the beginning”
Bucky is WAY happier with they/them pronouns
the problem is they don’t know how to communicate that
even to Steve, they’re just nervous
Steve ends up finding the paper, which now has over 100 sentences
so the next time they’re alone, Steve brings it up, and after a little bit of avoiding answering, Bucky tells him about it
Steve is super accepting 🥺
“Do you want me to tell the others for you?”
“Yes please, I have no idea what I’m doing-”
“I don’t think any of us do”
so Steve lets the others know, and they start using they/them pronouns
Bucky’s IMMEDIATELY so much happier
i just think they’re neat-
MJ:
MJ isn’t cis, fuck you
MJ is a demigirl
and no one even figured it out for the longest time
she kinda groups herself on the more non-binary side
Peter finds out because someone calls her by they/them pronouns
“MJ?? Are you?? Non-binary??”
“Nope”
“Are you still a girl??”
“Nope”
after like 20 mins Peter figures it out
and boy is he confused
“Why didn’t you just say it?”
“I couldn’t. Gotta keep ‘em on their toes”
“Who??”
“:)”
the M in MJ stands for mystery
anyways!!
she switches from lesbian to the term Trixic (NBLW)
MJ goes to pride with Peter and Ned that year
MJ gets a girlfriend there!!
she comes out to her girlfriend upfront. she doesn’t feel like waiting
yeah she gets intense
she gets it from her moms
who can blame her
MJ sometimes wears a binder
she wore one on the first day of school, because Peter was nervous about being out (he’d come out over the summer)
MJ will punch transphobes and homophobes
even just for fun tbh
but she won’t do it immediately
she heard someone make a comment about Ned and his boyfriend and waited a few days
and then came out of nowhere
B O N K
the douchebag kinda knew why though
in conclusion, MJ is elite
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Sputnik
Summary: The five times the trigger word Sputnik us used.
Warnings: hypnosis, brainwashing, swearing, Natasha being sneaky, fluff, angst, implied smut
Ships: Bucky x Reader, Platonic!Steve x Bucky, Platonic!Steve x reader
A/N: For those of you who don’t know, the word Sputnik is one the many trigger words used to control the Winter Soldier. But the word “Sputnik” is special because instead for making the Soldier more submissive to control, it makes him knock out right then and there. I don’t know for how long it is, so I made it exactly one hour, but that is probably not canon. Also, please request fanfiction ideas. While I am not open to writing smut, I am pretty much comfortable writing everything else.
“So, what even was the space race?” Steve asked politely, kind of out of the blue. “I know it was part of the cold war, but like, what was it.”
You chuckle at his bewilderment, putting your phone on the coffee table, knowing well this isn’t going to take a minute or two. Bucky, your boyfriend of ten months, was sitting next to you, with his arm causally on your shoulders, still reading his book, only partly listening to our conversation.
“Well, in the 1960s ish, the soviets, now the Russians, started sending artificial satellites to space. They were actually doing pretty good, they actually got people into space. I guess America didn’t like this and them having the upper hand in space exploration, so in 1962, President Kennedy declared that we were going to have men on the moon by the end of the decade. Finally, in 1969, we got two men on the moon.” You conclude, searching his face for any signs of confusion.
“So, we won?” He asks cautiously.
“Yeah, pretty much, while we didn’t get the first people into space, we got the first people on the moon.” You answer. “Any other questions?”
“Umm. What is Apollo 11, I’ve heard of it before?”
“It was the name of the spaceship that brought Neil Armstrong, the first person to walk on the moon ever, and Edwin ‘Buzz’ Aldrin to the moon. Other well- known spacecrafts are, the Explorer 1, Project Gemini, and Sputnik.” You respond. That’s when you feel Bucky go completely limp next to you. Like completely limp. You look over at him, and looks like he’s fallen into a deep sleep. You furrow your brows in confusion. You look to Steve for some type of explanation, but he continues to stare at Bucky, just as confused as you.
You then kneel on the floor in front of him. Once you’re out of his hold, he slowly slumps down on the couch, now awkwardly lying on the couch. You and Steve start to get worried at this, Steve now joining you next to him.
“Buck.” You start.
“Bucky.” Steve tries.
“James, James Buchanan Barnes.” You continue.
“Come on Buck, this is not funny.”
“Friday, what is wrong him?” You ask, worry evident in your tone.
“I am unsure Miss Y/L/N, he isn’t dehydrated, overly exhausted, hungry, or have any other problems. He is in good health.” Friday politely answers. Her answer both comforts and worries you more.
“Friday, get Banner.” Steve orders. He tries getting Bucky to sit up again. It’s a little difficult with him being dead wait in his arms.
“Yes sir.”
You try snapping your fingers in front of his face, repeatedly saying his name, even lightly slapping the outside of his thigh, but nothing works.
Soon, Bruce comes in with a med kit. When he doesn’t see anything that is obviously wrong, or even slightly wrong, (other than the fact that he had passed out) he too furrows his brow. He places the kit on the couch beside him, slightly shooing us out of the way so he can kneel where we previously were. He brings the back of his hand to his forehead. He brings it away, concluding he doesn’t have a fever.
“Did he show any signs of having a cold or being sick at all?”
“No, not at all” You answer.
His eyes once again scan his body. “What were you doing before this happened?”
“Y/N was explaining the space race to me, Bucky was just reading.”
“Did he start acting weird before he passed out, like he was out of breath, panicked, really hot or cold, uncomfortable?”
“No, nothing.”
“Friday, did his vitals spike or decrease before he knocked out?” He continues to question.
“No sir. nothing out of the ordinary.”
“Hhmhh.” He hums. He genuinely has no idea why this happened. “Well, if we get him to the lab, I can run a few tests, but there is nothing that I can do here for him.”
You open your mouth to respond but shut it. Bruce is doing all he can, so there is absolutely no reason to be mad.
“Okay,” Steve finally says. He walks over to the window. He wasn’t really sure what he was expecting, but he wanted to see if it was a person responsible in some way. You realize what he is doing and more importantly why, so you follow his movements him locating a possible threat. Once you both are satisfied, Steve walks over and picks Bucky up, and starts carrying him downstairs to the lab.
Once in the lab, Steve gingerly sets James down onto the bed. Bruce then goes to check his blood pressure among other things. You and Steve sit down next to the bed, as close as possible without being in the way of Bruce.
That’s when he starts to come to. At first, he is frantic, but once he sees you and Steve, he calms down.
“What happened?” He groggily asks.
“Oh, thank God.” You mumble under your breath.
It’s Steve who responds instead. “You passed out; we are kinda hoping you can tell us why.”
Bucky stays silent for a moment, not truly knowing why either. That’s when it comes to him. He lets out a sigh of almost annoyance.
“You know how Hydra put those trigger words in my head.” He asks, but it is more of a statement than a question.
You both nod. “But we didn’t use any of the words, right?” You ask.
“No, no. Well kind of. Not any of the ones that were used to make me more compliant. I honestly forgot about this word. Don’t say it, but it’s the name of the artificial satellite that the Soviets sent into space that initially sparked the space race.” He explains before continuing, “I can write it down, but it basically makes me completely pass out for one hour.” He finishes.
At this, you look at the clock on the wall, and sure enough, it is exactly one hour later.
Steve lets out a sigh of relief, finally content with an answer.
That’s when you slap Bucky. (Only kind of softly) He just stares at you, trying to read your face and why you had this sudden outburst. Steve tries to stifle the laugh coming out of him.
“You could’ve told me.” You state. “We were worried.”
“I know, I’m sorry doll.
“I can go right? I’m fine.” Buck asks.
“I guess, can you right down the word for me before you leave though?”
“Yeah sure.”
___________________________one month later _____________________________
Nobody really mentioned the word to anyone. While Bucky never said that he didn’t want everyone else to know, if he didn’t tell them, then it’s not your place to tell. Also, that can be dangerous. At any point in time, somebody could say one single word, and then for a full hour, he would be left in the vulnerability of sleep. So, no one mentioned it. At least until tonight.
It was one of Tony’s parties, but most people had left, leaving only the Avengers. Everyone was showing off some cool party tricks, if they knew any, which included Sam trying to lift the hammer (which he obviously couldn’t by the way).
“Anybody else?” Tony asks.
“I could tell them about the trigger word.” Bucky quietly whispers to you. You and Bucky were sitting on the couch next to each other, thighs touching. It almost seemed like he was asking for your permission to tell them. Nevertheless, you didn’t understand what he was referring to, but your confused face was all the question he needed.
“The trigger word that makes me pass out.” He explains. Your eyes go wide.
“James, that is not some party trick, and also I am not dragging you to bed.” You state.
“No, no. It wouldn’t be like that we could just tell them. They probably should know anyways.”
“Would you like to share with the rest of the class?” Tony asks, prompting everyone to look at you.
“Not really,” You start, but before you could finish, Bucky is cutting you off.
“Actually, I have something.” He says.
“James.” You say to him in a clear warning tone, under your breath.
“They should probably know anyways babe.” He says quietly, well aware of all the eyes on you both.
You sigh, but they should know, so you lean back into the couch/Bucky in surrender.
“So y’all know how Hydra put all those trigger words in my brain to make me compliant?” He asks.
They all tentatively nod, not sure where this is going. Steve also scoffs, but doesn’t argue, while he agrees they should know, it’s not exactly a laughing matter either.
“So, there are the ones you know, but there is also one special one you don’t know. Instead of making me submissive to order, it makes me pass out for one hour, right then and there.”
Everyone goes silent, not exactly sure how to respond.
“What is it?” Wanda finally asks.
That’s when I laugh, because obviously nobody is going to say it.
Bucky also chuckles, before continuing. “It’s the name of the satellite that the Soviets launched in the 1950s that started the space race.”
Only half of the heads in the room nod.
“Can you write it down?” Clint asks.
“Uh, yeah sure.” Buck responds before grabbing a pen and napkin from the table. He writes the word ‘Sputnik’ Before passing it around the room.
“How do you even pronounce that?” Thor asks aloud. To his credit it isn’t English.
That’s when Nat leans over to whisper it in his ear.
Damn Bucky’s great hearing.
When Bucky’s body goes limp, a string of curse words escapes your mouth. Great. While Natasha and Thor both give you an apologetic look, almost everyone else has a face of surprise. You in turn, give them a brief smile. You try and get Bucky into a more comfortable position.
“Guess we are going in for the night.” You bitterly state. You aren’t mad at Nat or Thor, but more at Hydra, and the inconvenience of leaving the party early.
“Hey Steve, do you mind?” You ask.
“Not at all, but are you sure that you want to leave?”
“Yeah, I have work tomorrow, so I should probably go to bed anyways. Also, I don’t think he would want to wake up here.
“Oh yeah, please don’t ever use the word unless absolutely necessary, it is a huge violation of trust and extremely disrespectful. We only told you so it wouldn’t come up in normal conversation.” You explain.
And with that Steve nods, and carries Bucky up to your shared room in the tower.
_____________________________One year later_____________________________
You open your eyes, but you don’t see anything. It’s dark, late, and all you want to do is go back to sleep. But the shaking continues. So that’s what woke you up, shaking and rattling. Still half asleep, you try to assess what is going on. That’s when your eyes fall onto a thrashing Bucky. Your eyes go wide, realizing what is going on. Bucky is having a nightmare, and a bad one at that. You immediately spring into action, leaving all traces of sleep behind. You straddle his hips and attempt to hold his arms down, so he won’t hurt anyone, including himself.
“Bucky!” You shout. “Bucky, come on babe, wake up! James! Babe come on!”
Finally, he wakes up, but it isn’t Bucky.
You feel yourself being flipped onto your back, and you let out a shriek in surprise. That’s when a cool metal hand comes around your neck.
“Bucky.” You sputter out. He falters at the call of his name. And you take full advantage of it, kneeing him in the stomach, then punching his neck. You roll out of bed when his grip on you loosens.
“Friday get Steve! Code red!” You yell, hopefully getting her attention. You aren’t a fighter, much less a fighter who could take on the Winter Solider. Bucky had forced you to practice some self-defense with him, but you still weren’t very good.
That’s when you feel a swift kick in your hip, shoving you forward into your dresser. An arm pulls at your shoulder, and before you can respond, you are turned to look at the Winter solider in all his glory. Your fiancé.
“James-” You start once again. But instead of him faltering, like last time, he immediately raps his metal digits around your neck again.
You carefully raise your hand eye level with him, so he can see the back of your hand. More specifically the ring on the back of it.
“Remember when you gave this to me?” You rasp out. This time he wavers.
That’s when an idea pops into your head. Quickly, knowing that you only have seconds, you exclaim, “Sputnik!” And immediately he drops, hitting his head on the bed on his way down. You also drop down beside him, sobbing next to him.
Less than a minute later, Steve comes running in, only to find you crying next to Bucky’s body. He freezes, immediately assuming the worst, before he watches Bucky take a deep breath in.
Steve lets a shaky breath out, before going to you. He sees the new bruises blossoming on your neck and assumes what happened. What he doesn’t get though is how you managed to take down the Winter Solider, that’s when he realized, Sputnik.
He then goes onto the floor next to you, pulls you into his lap partly, and lets you cry into his chest. You had never been in a fight before, especially not one where your life depended on it, and especially not one against an assassin. You were still shaken up and disappointed you had to use that word.
“Shh, you’re okay, your fine. He is fine, nothing can hurt you.” Steve kept telling you, slowly coaxing you out of your mini panic attack. Once you came back to reality you decided that you should move Bucky in case he wakes up as the Winter Solider.
Steve reluctantly locks him in the weird cell thing made for him, and then makes sure that your okay. You can’t really speak, partly because of the crying, but mostly because of him choking you. Some of the blood vessels in your eyes have also popped due to the choking, so your eyes almost look red. But other than pretty heavy bruising on your hip and neck, and the fact that it is hard to breathe, you will be fine.
You and Steve sit outside of the cell, anxiously waiting for him to wake up in silence. It only took a couple of minutes, the hour being up soon, even though it felt like forever.
“What did I do?” James asks, quickly realizing he is in the familiar cell. That’s when he saw you and Steve. Nobody else is in sight, which is a good sign, but you weren’t looking at him, instead looking at the floor, and both of you are silent, both bad signs.
“You had a nightmare.” Steve finally responds. The answer doesn’t exactly calm him down.
“What did I do?” Bucky asks again, getting more worried by the second.
That’s when you look up at him. He gasps.
The purple bruising on your next in the shape of a hand is enough to tell him what happened. He also sees your tearstained cheeks and red eyes. He really hurt you.
“I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry.” He rambles.
You look over to Steve, pleading for him to say something; it hurts too much to whisper, talking would be terrible.
“No one blames you. You did nothing wrong Buck. We forgive you.”
He pauses at that. Why would you forgive him, he hurt you?
That’s when you walk over to the glass door and open it. Bucky’s eyes go wide. You step inside, allowing him to step out if he wanted. You walk over to him, and cup his cheek, looking at him with loving eyes.
“I love and forgive you Bucky.” You whisper, voice cracking at the end.
He captures you in an almost bone breaking hug. You both sighs, relishing in the feeling of holding one another.
Finally, Bucky pulls away, a few stray tears rolling down his face.
“What exactly happened?” He asks again, a little bit confused at how he got there. You were still tightly holding onto him.
“You woke up Y/N by shaking the bed. She tried waking you up, and when you did, you used your hand to choke her.” Steve starts. You burry your head further into his shoulder, prompting Bucky to place a soft kiss on the top of your head. “She managed to break free, and got Friday to contact me, before you got back to choking her. You punched her side, before she managed to say the trigger word.”
Bucky let out a shaky breath he didn’t know he was holding.
“She will be fine, the blood vessels in her eyes popped due to the choking, and she shouldn’t be talking, but she will be fine.” Steve concludes. “You both should try and get some sleep.”
You nod. It was late, like 4 in the morning, and while Bucky got an additional hour of sleep, you were exhausted. You were so not going to work tomorrow. Or I guess today. You were not going to work period. You text your boss saying that you are sick, and then you take Bucky’s hand and practically drag him to your room.
Once you were finally in the comfort of your room, you flop onto bed, letting Bucky follow. But he hesitates. You look at him with curious eyes.
“I probably shouldn’t,” He starts. before turning to the door to leave.
“Stop.” You manage to get out.
He turns around, and watch you crawl out of bed.
You take his hand in yours and move his fingers over the ring on your hand. He sighs, getting what you are trying to say. He knows that you want him to just come back to bed with you, but he is to damn scarred of hurting you.
“Please.” You softly whisper. Your broken voice is what makes his heart break.
“Okay.” He reluctantly responds, slowly following you to bed.
You practically lay on top of him, finally feeling safe in his arms. While he lets you, his arms don’t wrap around you until you both are fast asleep.
Bonus
You both wake up later than normal, you had a long night. Finally, at about nine, Bucky starts to stir. He wakes up and sees your head on his chest, arms circled around him. He smiles. He gently runs his fingers through your hair, getting out some tangles here and there.
His hand brushes up against your neck, and you groan, your neck is really sore for some reason. That’s when Bucky remembers what happened last night. He swallows, hard. He doesn’t know what to do. Should he wake you up? Should he leave? He knows you would want him to stay.
Finally, he decides that, when he is awake and in his right mind, he is no threat to you. And if he is, you can say that word. It calms him down a little bit, and for the first time ever, he is a little bit grateful to Hydra. (Of course, they are the reason that he would need a safe word in the first place, but oh well.) So, he opts for instead, enjoying the moment.
A couple of minutes later, you start to wake up as well. You groan, now fully feeling your sore body.
Bucky is about to start apologizing, but instead you take his metal hand, and place the back of it against your neck, sighing in contentment because of the cool metal. Bucky is shocked, but also a little happy you had found a good use for the metal arm.
After a bit of time, you decide that it is time to go and face the world. Also, you should probably get the green light from and actual doctor and not just Steve. So, you start getting ready for the day.
Bucky is a little bit confused by your movements, knowing well that if you don’t have anything to do, you would gladly stay in bed the whole day. You must feel his confused glare, so you start looking for a pen and paper.
Finally finding some, you write ‘I’m hungry, and I should probably be checked out by Bruce’ You write, before handing the paper to him. when he finishes reading, he follows your movements in getting ready.
Once ready, you stuff your phone into your pocket before heading out. Both you and Bucky making a beeline for Bruce’s office, hand in hand.
Knock knock.
“Hey, we were wondering where you were. Did you sleep in?” Bruce asks.
That’s when you look up at him. He sees your bloodshot sorrowful eyes, them your bruised neck. He gasps.
“I had a nightmare last night.” Bucky explains before swallowing, hard. You squeeze his hand in reassurance.
Bruce nods, while he only got a sentence in explanation, he got the gist of it. “So, are you okay?” He asks.
You nod. You look expectantly to Bucky, hopefully he can understand what you are trying to explain.
“Oh yeah,” He mumbles sadly, pure guilt on his face, “She can’t really talk much.” He looks down at his shoes, and stares intently at them, almost like he just wants to disappear. You once again squeeze his hand, once, twice, then three times.
“Okay, come on in.” Bruce finally says. “What exactly happened.”
You knew that Bucky wouldn’t want to answer so you whipped out your phone. You shook it slightly in front of Bruce, hoping he understood what you meant.
So you quickly typed out, ‘Bucky had a nightmare, so I tried waking him up but when he woke it wasn’t Bucky who woke up. He choked me, but I managed to get free and tell Friday to get Steve, before he punched my side and choked me again. I managed to distract him so I could say Sputnik. Steve came in later, and helped me bring him to the cell, in case it wasn’t him who woke up again. But he didn’t so we went to bed. Steve looked at me, but I wanted to get checked out by an actual doctor.’ You handed your phone to Bruce so he could read it. You take Bucky’s hand back once it’s handed to him.
“Yeah okay.” Bruce says, agreeing to make sure your okay, and hands you your phone back.
Sometime later, Bruce lets me go. Nothing permanent was wrong, and you should be 100% in a couple days. At this point, both you and Bucky are starving. You didn’t want to go out to eat, that would draw to many heads. But also, if you ate here, you would get questions from the team. You decide to eat here, in hopes that there wouldn’t be that many people.
You walked into the Avengers kitchen. Most of the team ate here, only the avengers and a few others could really come, and there was great food. But not really good for avoiding questions.
“There they are!” Tony exclaims as you walk through. This is why you get up early. Most of the time, you can handle Tony nicely. But not first thing in the morning. He normally eats later, so you and Bucky avoid him. But now your late.
You are about to turn around and just go to your room, it’s too early, and also you really don’t want the comments. Tony has never liked you and Bucky together, more specifically Bucky, but he trusts your judgement, and was willing to deal with it. But seeing your bruising won’t be good for his opinion of Buck.
Neither of you respond, you were slightly hiding behind Bucky, avoiding human interactions. It wasn’t uncommon to not respond to Tony in the morning. Most people didn’t want to deal with him or Sam just after getting up. But it wasn’t that early.
“Hello?” Tony asks, expecting a response.
“Hi.” Bucky says plainly.
You got some water then sat down at the island, facing away from everyone else. Bucky made you and him a smoothie, you didn’t want to have solid foods, so a smoothie would do. You winced slightly when drinking the water, but it soon became bearable. Soon, Bucky sat down next to you, smoothie in hand.
You were almost done. You almost make it out without having to explain your current state. Luckily, it’s not Tony who finds out.
“What the hell happened?!” Natasha asks, looking at your face. We should put a cow bell on her honestly.
You audibly sigh. You look around to see who else could’ve heard. Thankfully Tony had left but was replaced by Clint. Both Clint and Nat were sweaty, so they had probably worked out together.
“Nightmare.” Bucky says, not even looking up.
Nat’s face of just confusion was enough to get you to get your phone out. You show her the note that you had made for Bruce after modifying it a little. Once she’s done reading, she hands the phone to Clint so he can read, before she asks, “So, you can’t talk?” It wasn’t much of a question, worry sown into her features.
You shake your head no. When Clint hands the phone back, you make another note. ‘We were hoping we could take the day off,’ You type, breathing out a small laugh.
“Of course. Do you want anything?” Clint asks, while Natasha is completely fine with Bucky, her being the only person who could most likely understand what he went through, Clint is still (subconsciously) weary around him.
You once again shake your head. You look down again, still not wanting to socialize. Natasha got the hint, and elbowed him, signaling him to subsequently shut up.
Bucky had already finished his smoothie, but sense it hurt to swallow, you took your time. But soon after, you had finished and hurried upstairs, hand in hand with James. You both stayed in the whole day, just watching TV, cuddling on the couch and bed. You had been using your voice more, and your eye color had gone back to normal. Soon, you were one hundred percent.
____________________________five months later____________________________
(Since the reader isn’t here for this part, it is told from third POV)
“Steve, watch out!” Bucky exclaims, prompting Steve to turn and fight off the Hydra agent running towards him. Steve nods a quick thank you, before he continues fighting. They were infiltrating a Hydra base looking for a specific formula using radiation.
“You stay here, watch for anyone, I’ll get it.” Bucky explains before running down the slightly downhill tunnel.
The tunnel was longer than he thought it would be, about half a mile long. The more steps he took meant the longer it would take Steve to get down to him, just in case. Therefore, the more steps he took, the more anxious he got. Gun and flashlight in hand, he continued. The hallway had many rooms leading off, and the deeper he went the more he seemed to recognize the place. He let out a shaky breath, checking behind him, before turning into the next room.
“Well, well, well, The Winter Soldier, on my turf. What. A. Surprise.” An unknown voice says.
Bucky spins around in search for the person behind the voice. In the hallway, he sees the figure of a man, not any defining features though.
Bucky presses a finger to his earpiece. “I’ve got hostiles down here.”
“Need backup?” Steve’s slightly staticky voice asks. He doesn’t answer, cause he doesn’t know yet.
“Where is it?” Bucky asks. He knows he won’t tell him, but he might as well ask.
“Like I would tell you.” The man spits.
Bucky shrugs, “Worth a shot.” He mumbles, before shooting the guy in the thigh. The man tumbles over into the room. Bucky casually walks past him, shutting and locking the door behind him.
He turns into the next room, once again pressing a finger against his earpiece. “I handled it.”
“You made a dramatic entrance.” A voice with a thick russian accent states.
Bucky whips around. “Never mind.” He mumbles into his earpiece.
“You good?” Steve asks, out of breath.
“I think?”
He locates the voice, a speaker on the ceiling. It makes him both calm and uneasy, because while there is no imminent danger, the voice can see Bucky, but Bucky can’t see him.
“Желание.” (longing) The voice states.
“Oh fuck.” Bucky whimpers, now running out of the room, dashing up the hallway, hoping to escape the voice.
“Ржавый.“ (Rusted) The voice continues.
“I’m really sorry guys.” Bucky says into the earpiece.
“What?” Natasha asks.
“Семнадцать. Рассвет.“ (Seventeen Daybreak)
“He’s using the trigger words!” Bucky exclaims. Over time the words lose some fof their power over him. But apparently not enough power. He can already feel the effects on his body.
“Печь. Девять. Добросердечный.“ (Furnace Nine Benign)
He continues to bound up the tunnel. He doesn’t notice Steve’s and Natasha’s voice yelling in his ear. All he cares about is getting the hell away from here.
“Возвращение на родину. Один.” (Homecoming One)
At these words, Bucky freezes. He’s too far gone to keep running.
“Товарный вагон.” (Freight car)
And now the James Barnes we know is gone. He has been replaced by the Winter Soldier. He folds over, finally stating calmly, “Ready to comply.”
“Good, Soldier.” The voice says in Russian. “Now go ahead and get rid of Captain Rogers and Agent Romanoff.”
And he does. Marching the rest of the stairs, he meets Steve.
“Buck,” He starts, very cautious. Judging by his blank stare, it answers his unspoken question, of, which Bucky is he talking to.
“Come on man.” He mumbles.
The Winter Solider charges at him, immediately throwing a punch at his chest, which is blocked easily, before swiftly attempting to kick his legs out from under him.
“James.” Steve says, holding his shield up, clearly not wanting to fight him.
Bucky faulters slightly, before shaking it off. He was ordered to take care of him, and that is what he plans on doing.
“Don’t you remember anything?” He pauses his merciless attack again. “Don’t you remember Y/N?”
James takes a step back. Why does that name sound so familiar to him? But once again, he attacks Steve. This time he is angry.
“Oh, for God’s sake.” Steve whispers. He stands up straight and says, “Sputnik.”
Bucky had asked, more like begged Steve, that if ever, he was a danger to himself or others in his Winter Soldier state, that he would use that word. Steve reluctantly agreed that he would, but only after he tried to get through to him.
Bucky’s body immediately falls ungracefully limp behind him.
His finger goes up to his earpiece again, “He’s unconscious, I’m bringing him up to the quinjet now. We can get some other agents to come.”
“Copy that, heading back now.” Nat responds.
Once in the plane, he places Bucky’s body down on the seats, and he tries to make him take up less space. He glances at his watch and attempts to guess when he will wake up. They should have 30 minutes.
A couple of minutes later, Natasha shows up, quickly going into the cockpit. Steve follows and sits down behind her.
“So, what did you do?” She asks cautiously, breaking the silence.
Steve sighs before speaking. “I tried to get through to him, but that only made him more angry, so I said Sputnik, and he was out like a light.”
“We should call in a explain what happened.”
Steve groaned slightly, bowing his head.
“I’ll call in, go check on him.” Nat volunteered for him.
He mutters a quick thank you before leaving.
The flight back to New York was about an hour, meaning that Bucky would wake up in that time. Natasha had the plane on autopilot so they would be on high alert when he came to. Just because he hasn’t woken up as the Winter Soldier the first couple times, doesn’t mean he won’t now. Sputnik was only a temporary solution.
Steve had explained to Natasha that when he wakes up, he is normally frantic, so don’t mistake that as the Winter Soldier and say the word. The plan was that if he wakes up as the Winter Soldler, they would say the word again before anything could happen, but if he woke up as himself, they would go about their day. If he woke up as himself then they would let him tell Y/N what happened, but if not, then they would tell her.
But of course, luck wasn’t on their side today.
When he came to, he was frantic like normal. Steve and Natasha were ready for anything to happen. Bucky immediately stood up and charged at Steve.
Just before he could get to him, Natasha yelled out Sputnik.
“Thanks.”
Steve put Bucky’s limp form back into the seat, not as gently as before. Natasha brought out her phone and called Y/N’s number.
It rang for a second, before she picked up.
“Hey Nat,” She said groggily. They forgot that it is midnight in New York.
“Hey, do you mind meeting us when we get back?”
“What, why?”
“Nothing too bad.”
“Natasha.” You said in a warning tone. While you had not gone to sleep yet, you were still tired, and did not want any Natasha riddles.
Steve spoke up. “Hey Y/N, it’s Steve. Bucky was trigger into his Winter Soldier form. He didn’t hurt anyone, because we used Sputnik. But the thing is, he woke up a couple of minutes ago, but not as Bucky, so we used the word again. I tried to get him to snap out of it, but I couldn’t. If anyone can do it, it would be you. So, we thought it would be best if you met us when we return and talk him out of it.”
You pause for a second. “Why didn’t you call me an hour ago?”
“That’s what you got from that.” Natasha mumbled.
“There was nothing that you could’ve done. We also thought it should be Bucky that tells you what happened. But now he doesn’t exactly get that chance.”
“Yeah okay. I’ll come down. Should I meet you when you land?”
“Sure, we land in...” Steve says, looking at Natasha for an answer.
“20 minutes.” She supplies instantly.
“Ok, meet you then.”
“Bye.” Steve and Nat both say unanimously, before hanging up.
Those 20 minutes were long and short at the same time. But eventually they were over. Natasha had decided that she would take a shower, there was no point in the 3 of them waiting for him to wake.
“Hello.” Y/N said in a sing song voice once they landed.
“You got the room ready?” Steve asked. Natasha had somehow already slipped past them. I’m saying they need to put a bell on her.
“Yep.” Y/N said, popping the ‘p’.
Y/N grabs Bucky’s and part of Steve’s stuff, and Steve gingerly throws Bucky over his shoulder, grabbing the other half of his stuff.
They walk down silently, placing their stuff in a safe spot along the way. Steve secures him in the cell before stepping outside. On the way, Y/N grabbed two chairs, so they placed those down.
The wait was surprisingly short, being 30 minutes, because Y/N had brought her phone and showed Steve as many memes as possible in that time frame. (Let the record be straight that Steve’s guilty pleasure is Vines, rest in peace.)
Once Bucky began to stir, they whipped around, Y/N quickly stuffing her phone into her pocket before standing up. She slowly walked towards the clear door as the Winter Solider tried desperately to escape. Once he saw her he faltered.
“Hey babe.” She started. He stopped again before continuing. ‘Why did that voice sound so familiar?’
“Come on, hey, look at me. Look over here, your fine.” She continued. Once he decided that he wasn’t getting out unless they let him, he looks up blankly.
Y/N freezes for a slight moment at his blank expression. She hated seeing him like this. All she wants to do is help him. But that sadness turns into determination to bring him back.
She puts on another big smile before continuing. “Hey, hey, hey. Your safe here, you are fine.” She pauses to attempt to read his face but is unsuccessful. “Remember Steve? Remember growing up together? Remember helping him when he was confused about a topic in school? Remember buying him a fake ID so he could vote?” He continued to stare blankly at her, but she could tell she is getting through to him.
“Remember our fifth date when you took me ice skating? I kept falling the entire time, so eventually I bought some hot chocolate and together we watched the rest of the people skate.”
He kept staring intently at her face, trying to piece together all of the foreign emotions.
“Remember when you asked me to marry you?” Y/N ask holding up her left hand. “You messed up the speech you had planned. Lucky for you I didn’t really here many of the words between when you got down on your knee and when you asked.” You continued, giggling part way through.
“But I did hear some parts of your speech. Like a bit of when you were recapping how we met, some cute little plans you have like how you want lots of kids and a big dog and a nice house in Brooklyn with me.” Y/N pauses, taking a deep breath.
“But most importantly, I remember the words I. Love. You.” Y/N says, pausing between each word to add emphasis.
Bucky’s eyes rolled back, and he stumble backwards a bit.
“HuH-rIsE aNd ShInE.” Y/N says in a sing song voice, imitating the iconic Kylie Jenner meme, causing Steve to laugh softly behind her. “You back?”
“Yeah.” He says, still out of it.
Y/N promptly opens the door and steps inside and sets him free. Y/N put her hand on Bucky’s cheek, and says, “You didn’t hurt anyone, everyone is fine, you are fine.” Y/N mumbles reassuringly.
After a moment, Bucky nods and steps out, hand in hand.
“Thanks Steve,” Y/N and Bucky both say.
“I didn’t know you wanted a bunch of mini Buckys running around.” Steve teases.
“I swear.” Bucky threatens before laughing with Steve and Y/N.
“Good night Steve.” Y/N yells behind her.
(Readers POV)
On the elevator up, you rest your head on Bucky’s shoulder, it being one in the morning and all.
“Tired?” Bucky asks jokingly, but still quiet as not to disturb you too much.
“Shut up.” You mumble. “You got to sleep for an additional two hours. I have work tomorrow. But instead of sleeping, I had to bring your sorry ass back in control.” Bucky knows you aren’t mad at him, never at him, but you are tired.
Ding
“Welp this sorry ass is dragging you to bed!” Bucky says, before picking up his stuff, and throwing you over his shoulder.
“Buck, James!” You yelp, laughing hard.
____________________________seven years later____________________________
“Mommy?”
“What Brooke?” You respond, not looking up from the clothes that you were folding.
“Something’s wrong with daddy.”
“What?” You respond, now fully paying attention to your oldest daughter.
“Come here, he’s sleeping.” She says.
“Oh, if he is sleeping then he is fine dear.”
“oh,” She responds, lowering her head bashfully.
“Do you want to wake him up with me, then I can turn the TV back on?”
“Yeah!” She nodded eagerly.
You set down the neatly folded T-shirt and follow Brooke into the living room. You quickly glance into George’s room, making sure the he is still asleep from when you put him down an hour ago.
“Daddy!” Your daughter screeches before pouncing on him. Normally he would wake and pull Brooke towards his chest, trapping her so he could tickle her. But he doesn’t do that. He doesn’t do anything.
Brooke doesn’t seem to notice that anything is off and continues to bounce on him and the chair happily.
“Brooke, Brooke, let’s not break dad.” You laugh, trying to mask the worry in your tone. Brooke then plopped down onto the couch beside him, curling up into a little ball in the corner. You press play on the TV to distract her.
You kneel down in front of him, trying to figure out what is wrong. He is breathing, thank God, but that doesn’t calm you. You gently pull the earbud out of his ear, and rest your hand on his forehead, concluding he doesn’t have a fever. You press to two fingers onto his neck, his heart rate is normal, at least normal for when he’s sleeping.
“Hey Brooke,” You start, not taking your eye away from Bucky for a second. “What were you and dad doing before he fell asleep?” You ask, trying hard not to panic her.
“We were watching Lady and the Tramp!”
“Hhm.” You were starting to get more and more worried. You pinch his thigh. Nothing. You lightly slap his arm. Nothing. Nothing you were doing was working.
But this feels familiar, like dèjá vu. You can’t place your finger on it. That’s when you remember.
You grab his phone, trying to see what he was listening to. You rewind the last 2 minutes and listen. That’s when you hear it. Sputnik.
You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding. Relief washes over you, knowing that nothing harmed him, and he is safe.
“Hey Brooke time to go to bed.” You say after a minute, glancing at the clock.
“NoOoO.” She whines, “But, but, the movie’s not over yet!”
“This is your fifth time watching it! You will live. Come ‘ere.”
As you pick her up, she pretends to be dead weight in your arms as a last defense at stopping bedtime. You chuckle softly and bring her to her room.
Finally, after putting her to bed and waiting for her to fall asleep, because she still isn’t sleep trained, you slip out of her room and downstairs. Ten more minutes till he wakes up you predict.
Only five minutes later is when he starts to stir. At first you are confused, normally it is an hour, but all the time in between now and the last time this happened must have changed it a little. You kneel down in front of him, so you’re the first thing he sees when he wakes up.
“Hey.” You say. He opens his eyes and simply stares into nothingness. He isn’t frantic like he normally is either. Instead he’s just tired. “You back with me?”
“Yeah.” He states calmly. “What happened?”
“The trigger word to make you pass out was on the podcast you were listening to.” You explain.
“Oh, ok.”
“So, you good?”
Bucky shakes his head to get rid of all remainders of sleep. “Yeah I’m good.”
“Please don’t do that again. I was worried.”
“Oh, then maybe I should make it up to you.”
“Ooh.” You say, giggling, before following him to your bedroom.
_______________________________The End_________________________________
#Bucky Barnes#bucky barnes x reader#Bucky Barnes fluff#bucky barnes fanfiction#bucky barnes one shot#marvel
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