anon who was asking about the possibility of being misdiagnosed with autism here. thanks for your response, that was really helpful. i was wondering if it's alright to ask how you brought up the topic of aspd with your therapist? can you just ask to be evaluated for it? i haven't been in therapy in years so i don't really know how it works and i have no idea how one would go about trying to get diagnosed, lol

No problem! So I had mentioned issues relating to and understanding people previously. Over time I started to slip issues with empathy in there just to kinda see if she was ableist or at least if she would *show* any ableism she may have had about that kind of thing. As time went on and I started to trust that she seemed uninterested in the stigma associated, I started talking more candidly about it. Eventually, I directly said something to the effect of "I stumbled on something called ASPD recently and I really related to it and did some research about it. I was wondering if you would be willing to do an evaluation for it". Ymmv, but mine was chill about it but advised me to talk to my psych as we have known each other much longer than my therapist has known me. This definitely won't work for everyone, but it did work for me. I hope it helps!/gen

MePhone4, rambling: Ya know, the moon controls the tides and the object psyche. Wolves know that, that’s why they howl at it. It’s a tribute.

Therapist: Interesting… Now, let’s talk about your father.

MePhone4: No.

i dont know what the therapists thought process was but stabbing and hero complex mashes well bc imagine stabbing someone and then being the only one on the scene to take away the pain you caused and having the stabbee rely on you when you go from violent stabber to actual saviour bc theres just no one Else and they want to live-

ooo yeah that’s valid

I had said it more in a way like, “I want to find someone whose trying to rob or hurt someone else so I can have an excuse to just go apeshit and beat the ever living fuck out of them”

and she took it as ‘you have a desire to rescue others from harm’

When Maria bamford pronounced "therapist" as "the rapist" she was so fucking real for that

I went to group therapy for grief over the death of a loved one, and the therapist had us making our very own Saw traps as a means of processing our emotions. Like art therapy, but evil.

You know what really got me in the end? I already knew that qbbh would die alone, not because no one cared per se, plenty of people did, but I knew he would die alone because he didn't want to be a burden to others.

But I always thought he would at least die peacefully. I thought he would die in the comfort of his home, passing away in his sleep. Or even under the tree outside their house while the sun was shining and the world would take him away gently like a spring breeze. Or even by his own terms, I thought he might find an empty field or desert and set off an explosion so even then he could die without feeling pain.

But no. He died alone in a flower field, scared and confused, reliving one of his worst memories. He died thinking Dapper was in danger. His last breaths were spent calling for Dapper to live, to "crawl to the entrance".

In his last moments, qBad's memories formed into an amalgamation of the past and present, reliving one of the worst ones in this life as he was dying. He was in a flower field, under a shining sun, but there was no comfort to be found in that moment because he was scared and in so much pain.

Sometimes we seek external validation in order to feel like we can still earn the love and approval we might have been denied in our childhood or past experience/s. We can do this in many different ways, developing different "abilities" in order to have our emotional needs met "at all costs": for example we become a perfectionist (we were praised only after overworking/reaching certain results); we start people pleasing (we were taught others cannot leave if we're what they search for and are always there for them no matter what); we learned to downplay our needs to avoid conflicts or problems of sort...

These (and others too) are all copying mechanisms we developed to fill the void/emotional neglect/absence of unconditional love we've been experiencing in our past. Living this way though can make us develop other problems in our self: eg. digestive problems, chronic stress, dissociation. But the thing is: no matter what we do or how much we change, an emotionally immature caregiver is blocked by their own self limitations and fixed views so they won't show up for us as we need.

And it's not our fault: they just weren't given the correct infos to handle their emotions and cannot see where they're going wrong (maybe also cause they were taught from another wounded generation that this is how you do things, no matter if they pain you or what), so please forgive yourself and free yourself from shame and guilt. It's not your fault if your caregivers couldn't show you that you don't have to gain love in any way cause you're already lovely and worthy as you are.

The moment you miss your parents' love in your childhood (a foundational moment of the life of any human being), you carry this void in your adulthood and it may even get enhanced, or make you search for the same type of relationship where you need to show up in a certain way to feel like you deserve love (and this keeps you stauck in the same place of pain and self hurt). You will always need to seek approval, to act in a certain way, fear being abandoned, wonder about your worth/being enough, and that's cause of your rooted habit born from the lack of emotional consistent support.

To get out of this cycle, try to understand why and how you had to develop this copying mechanism and why you keep it in your life these days (ofc ask for help to professional figures too if you need). You can get out of it and find the right emotional nourishment you need and deserve: let yourself try to see things from another perspective.

(source: insta + please check the description OR here)

THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH??? (Speaking about the Autism and PMDD statistic specifically)

The most infuriating form of sanism is this idea that mentally ill people/people with mental disorders are just too stupid or too unenlightened to know how to be a proper, well-adjusted person

So many therapists have ignored signs of my unwellness simply because they assumed I was just... being stupid, and I just needed educating about why I'm acting disordered (apparently, mental disorders stop disordering you once you are condescendingly told why you're just disordered and dumb, who knew (sarcasm)).

Like, I could tell them that I knew my behaviour wasn't "rational," wasn't "reasonable" to do or believe and I'd still be treated like I was so dumb I needed hand-holding and scolding about why I'm acting disordered.

I truly wish that people would be able to take the idea of guidance and stop twisting it into "I am superior and enlightened and the people I am trying to help are stupid and wrong and beneath me!"

i wonder if this scene has something to do with wille’s grief. wille appears to have all of his walls up and seems really angry or shut down in this scene. it could be directed at simon, but i think it’s likely and in character for him to be going through something deeper internally and unable to express that others yet. maybe it’s some kind of pressure building that he’s disappointing erik if he’s considering abdication? and maybe simon said something that hit a nerve and that’s why simon feels helpless - cause now wille’s shut him out. we’ve seen this behavior before in wille quite literally shutting his mom out of erik’s room to have a moment of missing his big brother, so it’s safe to say that’s a defense mechanism when he feels like someone doesn’t understand. and he seems to be having other moments in s3 where he’s also extremely frustrated and dysregulated, so could be a bunch of things boiling up at once.

2 comic wips

My new therapist: your mental health isn’t perfect, but it’s nothing to be ashamed of :) if you broke your arm, you wouldn’t be ashamed of that

Me, internally: bold of you to assume I would be unashamed of a broken arm

Drake Bell was my therapist, but he brought his mom to our session, and she kept handing me passive aggresive notes that women don't have rights. He sent her away, and Drake spent the rest of the session asking me the colour of a bunch of pebbles he brought in.

i understand that being inactive can worsen mental health but the way a lot of mental health ‘recovery’ discourages rest makes me so fucking angry. like. age 12 i used to get dismissed from the er because they couldn’t find me a bed to admit me and then like. go back to school. not like the next day, i mean i used to be driven straight from the hospital back to classes and be in history class an hour after nearly being admitted because the doctors told my parents that the last thing i should be doing is missing school. In highschool, at the theraputic program i was at, missing any school at all, even for sick days and medical reasons could make you lose all the points you earned towards like. stupid glitter stickers and all that shit that made us forget why we were there. And as a fucking adult in college now i never miss anything ever, the thought of missing class sends me into a panic attack. When i’m sick and can’t go, i call my parents sobbing because i feel terrible about it and i can’t help but feel that maybe theres a corralation there. That the discouragment of time off may not be a genuine effort to improve my mental health and maybe just another sneaky ploy to stamp out my mental illness to make me a better worker, yknow.