Sorry to bother, but I just really really need to share a thought.

I feel like Malleus would be thoroughly entertained and entranced by a car wash. A car wash to him is more magical to him than actual magic.

The car wash is his special interest

cold sun ⤖ han jisung

❖ genre : soulmate au; fluff; angst

❖ word count : 2,6k.

❖ warning : slight swearing

❖ summary : in a world where one will lose something if their soulmate doesn’t reciprocate their words of love once they turn sixteen, jisung is willing to take the risk so you won’t have to bear the burden.

❖ note : i just realized how i always tend to write for jisung when i'm down :')) anywho this piece is a little different than what i usually come up with but i hope y'all enjoy it ♡

It’s the first day of the week.

“Hey, Y/N. I like you!”

And Han Jisung is really annoying.

Those words come out so easily. It's casual in a way that makes you bury your red nose deeper into the soft fabric of your scarf, which makes your footsteps quicken unknowingly as his voice chases after you loudly. Either way, this isn’t the first time Jisung has said so. In fact, it’s become a habit for him to remind you every other day.

There’s no particular reason why. Or at least that’s what you think.

It’s the end of the week. Jisung decides to hang himself upside down on your bed while you’re stressing over a presentation. “Hey, Y/N.” A cold winter breeze comes rushing against the perplexing glass of your window, shaking the frame violently before all motions come to silence.

Until, “Y/N, Y/N, Y/N,” he creeps up from behind you and chirps into your ear.

“What?” you let out a groan of displease when tempting warmth embraces you whole, prompting you to drop your attention and looking over your shoulder.

Jisung pouts, “You didn’t answer me.”

“It’s because you’re annoying,” you sigh.

“Answer me when I call your name,” he pulls you in a fraction tighter, careful enough not to hurt you but firm to not let you slip away at the same time, and cradles your neck warmly, “So I’d know that you’re still here with me.”

“Alright, stupid.”

The all too familiar gummy smile returns instantly. “Hey, Y/N?”

And you can’t help but roll your eyes. “Yes, Jisung?”

“I like you,” he giggles into the hug, “I like you a lot.”

Han Jisung really is annoying.

He’s annoying because he talks too much. He’s annoying because of how he always asks for your notes after a gaming night with Felix just to nap in class. He’s annoying because he’d drop you in a heartbeat for a single slice of cheesecake from Jeongin’s mom’s bakery. He’s annoying because of how well he can get along with everyone.

Chatty, down-to-earth, easy-going with a lovable smile—attractive, very attractive.

It’s the week after that. “What...happened?”

“He lost his voice,” Jeongin sighs, looking like he genuinely wants to facepalm himself against concrete while walking with an incoherent Jisung to school; expressive hands with his mouth agape and all.

You tilt your head, “...for real?”

“For real.”

After a few seconds of eyeing Jisung struggling with converting what’s in his head, you exhale deeply and quickly rummage through your backpack, “Just stop, you look ridiculous.” And he does just that, zipping his mouth metaphorically and giving you those typical puppy eyes. “Here, use this.”

His eyes light up like stars when you rip off a page from one of your notebooks and offer it to him along with a pen. Truth is, you’re expecting something as predictable as ‘I like you’ or ‘It’s alright it’s just the worst cold I’ve ever caught’. But then, what’s displayed on the piece of paper right now only baffles you.

Park is going to murder you if he sees some uglyass tear in your Ochem notes :)

A forced grin splits your lips open. “Not if I murdered you first and then the entire school and then myself.”

The first genuine smile blossoms on his lips when you give him a mini-sized notepad and pencil the day after—his sixteenth birthday.

And Jisung decides this is it.

It happens when the sun hasn’t even come out yet and the irritating blue light from his phone reads 5:32 AM.

It happens when he sees your reclined figure leaning back against his mattress, his pupils tracing your delicate features. Perplexed emotions fill his eyes to the brim, fulfillment bursting within his chest when you stare right back at him with such purity. So pure that it seems you can do no harm to him and neither can he.

“Hey stupid,” you murmur quietly, shoving a notepad and pencil against his chest, “Happy birthday.”

Jisung gives you a bright smile, opens his mouth, and snaps it close mere moments later. Sixteenth birthday. Early in the morning. Tired grins. The fondness of being so disgustingly in love.

He can’t help but lean in and caves into the taste his soul has longed for as long as he can remember.

Two weeks have passed since Jisung has lost his voice.

Nothing has differed if you’re being completely honest. Han Jisung is still annoying. His lack of ability to speak doesn’t appear to be a problem to him at all. He loves chatting with people even though he’s more of a listener now. But with the small notepad you gave him a few days ago, being socially active is the norm for him even now.

Thanks to his rather short-period experiences of observing people’s expressions and how their features contort in certain ways when they’re feeling certain emotions, Jisung catches onto your mood more quickly during bad days to help you release your inner turmoil by scribbling down something stupid on the notepad. It’s kinda nice like this, you’d think to yourself sometimes.

Other times, you’re more scared that you might have forgotten what his voice sounds like.

“No wonder you got a fucking cold. Stop taking midnight showers already.”

You wave Jisung over when he closes the wooden door to your bedroom, droplets dripping from his hair as he scratches his stomach tiredly. His hair is a mess when he lazily crawls onto your bed, the cushion beside you dips slightly.

His index finger pointing at his post-shower head and a shit-eating grin are all you need to snatch the white towel around his neck.

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed,” you mumble while rubbing the cotton fabric into his hair, “But you’re awfully upbeat for someone who’s lost their voice. Can’t you at least pretend to be sad about it?”

A noise of protest escapes his throat like second nature as your eyes carefully read the quick movements of his mouth. “And can you not be so mean to someone who’s lost their voice?”

A faint smirk creeps its way up to your lips. “Still like me now?”

Jisung thinks hard for a few moments before jumping out of bed to snatch his notepad from your studying area. Of course, I like you. I like you a lot. Your heartbeat momentarily spikes at his scrawny handwriting. Just when your gaze is averted away to cool the blush on your cheeks, he tugs at your sleeve again and points at a different mess of scribbles. You’re more gentle when I’m like this. And you’d always find me if I ever got into trouble. What’s there for me to be sad about?

“Annoying little shit,” you swallow your pride and let him settle his head against your chest.

His presence melts into yours during the hardest hours of the twenty-four, heartbeats on heartbeats and warmth on warmth. Your one regret is that you’re unable to register his tears that night, only the incoherent, breathless hiccups almost as to desperately call out your name.

It’s been a month since Jisung’s lost his voice. And the night when he kisses you for the second time, his notepad is long forgotten next to your pillow.

I-can’t-talk. Give-me-a-break.

Jeongin. Cheesecake. Please? Pretty please?

I’ll fucking kick you.

Wait, there’s homework?!

...so you’re telling me LMAO isn’t how French people laugh?

“This is what you’ve been doing during breaks huh…” you mumble under your breath while lazily flipping through the papers. The occasional ‘I like you’-s do pop up every two pages or so, which is more than enough to make you smile like an idiot. But that is until a peculiar paragraph yanks your attention by its neck and tosses it against a brick wall.

Mom, promise me you’re not going to cry.

He made auntie cry?!

I lost my voice for real now but it wasn’t supposed to be like that at first. I just wanted to mess with Y/N and freak her out for a day.

I’m seriously going to punch him.

She was a lot softer toward me after that, you know. I know it’s extremely selfish of me but I just can’t help being so happy. I’m sorry, mom. I really am.

Han Jisung you fucking idiot.

I was going to surprise her on my birthday by saying ‘good morning’ out loud but nothing came out. My voice was gone.

Guilt, anger, remorse take over you. You knew nothing of this. You never once questioned for a logical reason behind the loss of his voice and kept moving onward as if it’s not that big of a deal. You didn’t suspect it as a kind of prank, either. But you still care, all this time! You have been doing everything in your power as a way for both you and Jisung to treasure himself even if he can’t speak anymore.

I went to a check-up last week. Nothing came up. I’m sorry. Please don’t cry.

However, without fail, the obnoxious part of you will keep wandering back to the concept of soulmates that has been engraved so deeply into the society you’re living in. It makes no sense to you that Jisung lost his voice for no reason right before his sixteenth birthday. This explains it all now.

It’s going to be okay, mom. Because I have Y/N. I know she would come running toward my side over and over again even if she can’t hear me anymore. I really don’t know what I’d do without her in my life.

Jisung knew the penalty for being the first to exchange any words of love yet he still did it. And you were too busy overlooking that stupid pride of yours to say those three words back.

It’s getting to the point where I’m starting to forget what I used to sound like. I’m sorry. Please don’t cry.

Jisung fixes the strap of his backpack, looking up at his mom after slipping into his sneakers. She ruffles his bed head and hands him a small white box with Jeongin’s bakery’s signature logo on it.

He tilts his head in faint confusion, peering at the box of pastry in his arms.

“Give it to Y/N on the bus, okay? Her parents aren’t home right now. You know how she would always skip breakfast when they’re out of town.”

His eyes light up instantly in realization and Jisung nods, preparing to bid her farewell. Just then, his front door comes flying open. It can’t be a mere acquaintance because there are very few people other than his parents and himself who know of the spare key hidden under the welcome mat.

As Jisung turns around, he’s keenly aware of your teary eyes already trained on him. Which in hindsight, makes no sense. As a result, panic rises within the hollowness of his chest, his lips falling agape but no coherent words come out.

“Y/N, sweetheart,” his mom flinches, slightly caught off guard, “Is everything okay?”

A scowl stretches over your contorted features as you shut the door loudly. “What the hell is this?” you question, shoving the familiar notepad into his chest. “A prank? A prank?! Do you think that this is funny?”

Jisung’s frantic eyes move to read the paper and every single color on his face drains tremendously. He easily recognizes the peculiar paragraph by how much lighter the ink is compared to the rest of the messy lines because his pen was running low and his hand couldn’t stop shaking.

Your voice.

His eyes avert back to look at you. His brows furrow timidly and shaky breaths burst from his lips almost like a desperate cry for help. There’s too much he wants to say, too many things to explain, and too many questions running through his head that he can’t process what to do next. He might just overwhelm both you and himself.

I need to hear it again.

And you might not stay by his side this time.

“Okay, don’t answer me then, I guess,” you chuckle lowly, dipping your head and turning around.

Jisung grabs at your sleeve instinctively and drops the pastry box, his gaze empty and all too knowing. Sorrow glazes over his starry eyes when it starts becoming hard to breathe properly. The outlines of his lips are moving non-stop yet nothing comes following after that.

“I don’t know what you’re saying,” you rasp out and tug at his hand. Then it hits you. He’s like this because of you. Jisung lost his voice because of you.

His mom cuts into the conversation, “Y/N, you don’t understand!”

“I’m sorry, auntie,” you smile sadly and take off running into the streets.

You, in the midst of your self-loathing and guilt, allow your feet to go wherever they want as your vision spirals into a blur. A single droplet threatens to fall when a forceful hand yanks you back to reality.

It takes Jisung a moment to regain his regular breathing pace. And when he finally gets it, all he can do is call out to you with the same inaudible sounds and the same desperation in his eyes. It seems as though he’s fully aware that the prank was the stupidest, most irrational thing he’s ever done. But there’s more to the ocean within his eyes than just remorse.

“I already told you,” you clench your jaw and slap his hand away, “I don’t fucking know what you’re saying!”

A deep sigh. “Why am I mad? Of course, I’d be mad! It’s because of me that you lost your voice! It’s because I like you, too! Yet I never said it back… You lost your voice because of me! Don't you get it? Why can't you just hate me for the sake of it?!”

You miss his voice. You miss it a lot.

You want to hear it again. You want to hear him call you by your name. You want to stay up late and talk about anything to the ends of the Earth and back with him. You want him to be the obnoxious, chatty Han Jisung you've always known.

You miss how annoyingly loud he is.

“Y-Y...Y/N…!”

Jisung collapses onto his knees, a hand on concrete while the other is on his neck. His chest rises and falls unevenly, muffled noises of discomfort echoing deep down from his throat. Despite that, what you heard just now, is his voice.

“Answer me when I call your name. So I’d know that you’re still here with me.”

“I promised you, didn’t I,” you spread your arms and smile warmly, “That I’d always answer when you call my name. As long as I can still hear you, I will come running toward you over and over again. Doesn’t matter what it takes, doesn’t matter where you are.”

Jisung lifts his head and tears come rolling down on his cheeks. His throat feels swollen when he stutters with difficulties, trying to convey what’s in his head, “Y-Y/N, don’t- don’t go! Please don’t leave me...!”

“Come here,” you close your eyes with the widest grin on your lips, “I’m not going anywhere.”

Only when Jisung grows closer and throws his arms around you, sobbing into your uniform do you convince yourself that all of this isn’t a hallucination. The hug is a lot stronger than what you’d expect. First of all, you nearly fell over from the impact and your arms are pinned so tightly to your sides that you feel like your ribs are going to snap.

Everything is so overwhelming that all you can say is, “Ow.”

“Sorry,” he mumbles into your hair and loosens his arms a bit so you can loop your hands to the nape of his neck and hair.

“You’re so annoying, Han Jisung.”

He purses his lips, sniffling, “You tried to make me snap on purpose. Meanie.”

You quirk a playful brow, “Still like me now?”

“Yeah,” Jisung smiles, “A lot.”

Because he knows that he has you. Until every last star in the galaxy explodes as a supernova, Jisung has you.

Hey, could I ask you how you do shadowing? Like the different ways you do it? You mentioned in your tag that shadowing is good and I'd love to hear how you do it! I do not attempt shadowing much so I don't really know what helps, etc. ToT (my studyblr is rigelmejo)

Hellooo! Thank you for the interesting question!

Tbh I think I do it fairly basically - I don’t use any particularly fancy software, but software like Language Learning with Netflix has certainly made it easier. There’s a whole video on how to get the most of it here: [on mobile, link didn't work - How to study Chinese with Netflix! by Chinese Zero To Hero] (I’d recommend checking out all of their videos actually, they’ve done a bunch of livestreams recently and they place a lot of emphasis on shadowing + the course they are trying to sell you is…actually phenomenally good)

(Also, I have to preface this by saying that I have been very lucky in terms of pronunciation: I learnt about 80% of my current vocabulary by ear without characters or pinyin. I have been in China for eight months in total, and while I didn’t speak Chinese for all of that, I was constantly soaking in info on natural sentence intonation. I still often don’t know officially what the tone of a vocabulary item is, especially if it changes tone like 教, 为 or 相, but I don’t get yelled at so I have definitely internalised a lot of those changes. I definitely would have more trouble with this if I hadn’t had that experience - my other areas are waaaay weaker because of this though- my reading SUCKS lmao and I can literally handwrite about ten characters)

Anyway. How I shadow:

1) Quite simply by playing the line, and repeating it with all the emotion it has!! I usually use Netflix or Viki for this. I try to do it as fast as possible, and if I can’t do the whole thing, I ‘chunk’ it: if I were doing the sentence 我们还不知道他会不会来, I would start from the end with 他会不会来, then 不知道他会不会来, and then the whole sentence. Notice that this isn’t breaking it down into words or even grammatical phrases, but intonational phrases: it would be perfectly sensible to just do 会不会来 without the 他 but realistically, since this is a question, it’s likely that a strong stress will be placed on the first 会, and you wouldn’t be able to replicate that without also included the more weakly stressed syllable before.

2) I locate (intentionally or subconsciously) the main locus of stress within the sentence, and I focus on that accordingly. Tones may become less extreme if they are not stressed, and may become more exaggerated if stressed. This is always a good exercise. I accompany this with physical actions - I throw my hands down, I sigh, I groan!

3) I put away the text, and don’t look at the tones or even my computer screen - more on this below.

4) Finally, when I think I’ve got it reasonably accurate, I’ll record them speaking the line into my phone with an appropriate pause for copying and play it back to myself at various points throughout the day.

5) I then go and find other words with the same tone contour to slot in, and copy it again. After that, I find words that are slightly different tonally and pop them in too.

6) I finally do fun things like hold a conversation with myself. This can be really simple phrases imbued with some kind of emotion - 这个女子到底是谁呀？为什么不认识我？应该是新手吧。You can do this either really informally, or very formally, or both - trying to speak in the latter way is very fun! So then it’d be idk something more like: 那位姑娘是何人，来自何处？This is fun because you can really slow down your speech and sound as elegant as you like!! (this will sound stilted if you do it for modern speech, but it’s a very fun exercise)

Choosing your media!!

1) Don’t use donghuas. Seriously. The voice actors usually speak at a ridiculous pace and not with the same range of ‘normal’ intonation

2) Your Chinese is definitely good enough to recognise when anyone is quoting poetry or speaking in a paricularly sexy literary way so, uh…don’t do that. That rules dramas like Nirvana in Fire OUT.

3) Modern dramas and reality TV shows CAN be great, but they can also be quite intimidatingly quick and almost too mushy at times. I’d recommend informal speech in guzhuang dramas more, because they have professional voice actors and extensive sound editing, meaning that although it might be fast and the vocabulary harder, it’s actually much more accessible and easier to copy. You don’t want to be stuck with the awfulness of 50% failed foreigner and 50% 12 year old boy who can’t enunciate properly!!

4) CHOOSE YOUR WEAPON WISELY. I try to find characters that speak in a dramatic, whiny or childish way. This is so important! There’s literally no use copying Lan Wangji unless you want to be able to have that particular cadence and tone of voice you get reciting poetry. Childish/whiny/dramatic characters on the other hand stress some words very strongly, and rush others together - this is great for hearing what actual real speech sounds like. Whininess wins. In The Untamed, characters like Wei Wuxian (not yllz!wwx but just…regular wwx), 一问三不知 Nie Huaisang, Jin Ling, and Jingyi are all great. Also Jiggy, who is just very extra constantly and speaks much slower as well, which really helps. In SHL characters like Gu Xiang are good.

5) CHOOSE YOUR VOICE WISELY! If you are really aiming to copy them 100% (which you should try at least sometimes), you want somebody with your pitch range to sound normal. I have a sort of party trick in Chinese that because I’ve spent so much time listening to women in guzhuang dramas I can change my voice and sound like a) a scheming concubine with honeyed words, or b) the voice of the Beijing metro. My teacher found it hysterically funny. But it’s not my natural voice, and if I speak like that for too long it hurts. The women usually are too high for me, and the big burly manly men too low - so I’d recommend finding a man with a higher voice, or an older woman (like some of the female characters in Nirvana in Fire). Again, sorry that this is mostly the Untamed (I’m just most familiar with it) but the voice actors for Wei Wuxian and some of the juniors (+jiggy) has a higher voice. Likewise Chengling in Word of Honour.

On intonation in general:

- The thing is that whilst shadowing is useful it requires prior ability in a whole bunch of other skills that you can train - it relies on your ability to accurately mimic pitch, emotion and other contrasts. Training this in ANY language, including your native one, will help your ability to do this in Chinese - so I’d recommend spending a fair amount of time practicing shadowing (or speaking just after somebody whilst listening to a string of text, like monolingual simultaneous interpreting) in your native language too. Any training copying accents or mimicking other people is going to similarly help, regardless of the language.

So, with that in mind, further tips:

1) Hum / try to copy the intonation without any words. What this does is force you to pay attention to what the intonation actually is, versus what you may think it should be.

2) Don’t look at the text! Do! Not! Look! At! The! Text! If you look at the characters or pinyin you’re telling yourself ‘ok this is a third tone here’ etc, but you want to override the part of your brain that has gotten into bad habits and is supremely self-confident in how you’re pronouncing the third tone, and actually just go straight back to mimicking.

3) Don’t be afraid to do it with vocabulary that is way beyond your level. Actually, I find this can sometimes be helpful, because you don’t have a prior idea about how a particular tone pair should be useful - and you don’t know which tone you should be producing.

4) Learn vocabulary by ear - listen to a vocab podcast or even make one yourself (I often do this; I record my daily Anki and listen back to it through headphones copying throughout the day - if you’re not confident in your pronunciation you can get Google Translate to do it). Similarly, pick unknown vocabulary out of a longer segment and remember it, trying to internalise the tones instead of figuring out which tone it is.

5) Find emotional sentences, and copy them with emotion. This is SO CRUCIAL!!! We remember things when we relate to them, and when we imbue them with emotion - and it also helps in hearing exactly how an angry second tone sounds, for instance.

6) When you’re copying, look up, and imagine you are having an actual conversation. Carry yourself with conviction and poise!! Really try to whine like wwx or slime like jgy. After a couple of turns copying them, try to turn off the audio and keep delivering it in the same manner.

7) Swap individual words out. Once you have a line properly figured out, swap a word or two that has a different tone pair, and focus on delivering it with the same pattern of stress.

8) Finally, practice doing this in your native language too!! It’s a skill that we don’t use often, and it can be trained. Some people are terrible at it at first go even in their native language, but you can work on it!

About intonation in general:

1) I think a lot of pronunciation problems with people sounding unnatural or stiff ultimately come down to a fundamental misunderstanding of what intonation looks like across different languages. In English we mark it by pitch: and we are so used to the rhetoric that Chinese has ‘tone’ and not ‘intonation’ that we try and focus on blindly copying every single word textbook perfect without listening to how it actually sounds.

2) Chinese does have intonation!!! Except that, unlike English, when you stress a word, the pitch doesn’t change, but the tone contour is exaggerated - basically the only time you will ever hear a full third tone is in isolated or very exaggerated speech. If you have a Chinese friend, get them to record a sentence like the English ‘I didn’t ask her to steal his rucksack’, and put stress on the different elements of it - I didn’t ask, I didn’t ask, I didn’t ask, and so on. Notice and copy how the tones change. When shadowing, you should always be paying attention to where the stress is in the sentence: when you speak by yourself, practicing saying a sentence neutrally, and then with stress on one component, the next, and so on. If it feels unnatural, it’s because you might not have practicised like this before - it’ll get better!

Hope that’s somewhat helpful / interesting!

- 梅晨曦

⤷ december 12 ▸ i have fillings for you ft. sugawara

summary: in hindsight, staying up till 2 am might’ve not been one of your best ideas. that is, until you get a call from your very frantic boyfriend asking for your help in baking cookies. what could go wrong?

warnings: there’s like one quasi-suggestive sentence but other than that pure fluff (i hope)

wc: 1.5k

a/n: lowkey ngl i don’t really like how this turned out but she’s here! i was in a suga mood a couple of weeks ago and i wrote this and somehow it turned into me creating this event lmao

note: find the rest of the advent calendar here!

You all but sunk into the mattress as you let out a deep sigh. After an exhausting day, all you wanted was to let sleep overtake you as you bundled yourself in a slew of snug, cozy blankets. Your room was peaceful. The dark emptiness of the night filled you with balmy, heady delight as you shut your burning eyes for the first time in what seemed like days.

A dull buzz rang through the room, sharp enough to pull you out of your half-asleep state. You groaned and rolled over, praying whatever noise dared interrupt you would stop soon. It did, and you smiled in relief, snuggling back into your bed. The noise returned not a second later, this time, accompanied with a bright, blinding light. You reached over to your bedside table, staring at the culprit, your phone, through bleary eyes.

Twenty-four new messages alongside seven missed calls, all from the same person: your dear, loving boyfriend. You clenched your jaw after a glance at the clock, irritation clouding your mind. You answered the incoming call with a growl. “Suga, you better have a good reason for even thinking of calling me at—”

“(Y/N) thank goodness you’ve answered, I need your help!”

Any other day you would’ve hung up on him after thoroughly berating him for calling you at such an ungodly hour, but his words were saturated with desperation and something you hadn’t heard from him in a while: unmitigated panic. “I’m going to regret this, aren’t I?”

You could practically feel the warmth from his relieved smile through the phone, and you couldn’t help but glower. “Tell me what happened.”

“So, you remember I have a holiday party at work tomorrow, right?”

You confirmed, and he continued, practically tripping over his words as they sped to leave his mouth all at once. “Ikindasortaforgotthatineededtobakecookiesforthekidsand—”

“I’m stopping you right there. I did not understand a single thing you just said. It’s too early for this,” You felt bad, but you couldn’t help but laugh at your panic-stricken boyfriend. He resembled one of his students before giving a class presentation. “Please, can you slow down and repeat that?”

He took a shaky breath. His next words were slower, sounding them out in a bashful, apologetic tone. “I kind of, sort of, maybe, forgot that I promised the kids I’d bake cookies for their winter party... now all the stores closed and won’t open until after school starts…”

He tapered off as his voice softened into silence, words practically drenched in nervous anticipation. Your irritation bled into a temperate ire as you processed his words. “Let’s see if I understand this. What you called me for, at two in the morning, was to help you bake?”

His silence was answer enough. Your anger faded as his words sunk in, in its place a resigned smile. “You’re lucky you’re so cute. Anyways how’re we even going to get this done? Where are we even going to mee—”

“I’m already outside.” You swore you’d murder him one day.

You swung the door open unceremoniously, not at all surprised to see him towing bags of supplies with what could’ve passed as a sheepish smile if you didn’t know him well enough to see the gentle yet smug grin lying beneath it.

You followed him as he strode through your apartment, wincing as he upended the contents of his bags on your counter with a resounding crash. He dusted his hands and turned to you. “Let’s get started, shall we?”

You smiled, and he mirrored it with one of his own, quickly settling into a practiced rhythm beside you. He was in charge of shaping the cookies and monitoring the oven while you mixed the ingredients. The silence that soon enveloped your kitchen was nothing if not comfortable, a perfect backdrop to the soft clatter of your latest midnight endeavor.

“Babe, I’m almost out; can you pass me that flour over there?” Nothing.

“Babe? Suga? Kou?” You turned to face him and almost dropped your bowl. His hands were still; fingers wrapped tight around the scoop, dough dribbling off its edge while his eyes glued to your figure. He sported a smile sweet as sunshine, brimming with tender adoration.

“Kou?” Your breath caught in your throat, voice barely above a gentle whisper. It was enough to snap him out of whatever reverie absorbed him.

As if embarrassed to have been caught staring so unabashedly, he turned away quickly to face the bowl in front of him, pointedly avoiding your inquisitive glances. You wouldn’t have guessed Suga was feeling so flustered if it hadn’t been for the warm tint spreading over his cheeks and up to kiss the tips of his ears.

“What was that all about?” your tone dripped with the same teasing lilt he’d use to croon sweet nothings in your ear in your most intimate moments. It never failed to send electricity singing through your every nerve, and you hoped it would affect him the same way.

“Can’t I look at my beautiful partner?” His words were more brazen than you expected, having recovered from the ruffled state he was in just seconds before. You swiveled to gawk at him, scowling as he snickered at the mild disbelief in your eyes.

“I wouldn’t exactly call this,” you motioned to your attire: rumpled pajamas far too large for your frame paired with mismatched socks, and, to top it all off, a starchy lime green apron. “The epitome of beauty.”

Suga's smile melted into something tender and compassionate as he let go of his utensils; his lithe fingers reached to cup your cheeks and tilt your head to meet his gaze. You held your breath, incapable of tearing your eyes from his.

“I don’t care what you’re wearing, you could be wearing nothing at all, and it wouldn’t change the fact that you’re absolutely radiant.”

He firmly pressed his lips against yours, chuckling softly at your jolt of surprise. The two of you part, and he leans back to look at you, hands drifting to hold your waist and draw you closer. He kisses you again, and again, and again; fervently as your mind spins into delicious emptiness.

You’re both brought back to reality as a timer beeps obnoxiously loud beside you. Suga laughs against your skin and reaches over to check his phone, eyes widening in horror as realization crashes over him. He peels away from you and rushes to the oven, fretting over the condition of his treats.

You smile from your place on the counter, lowering yourself onto one of the nearby chairs to watch your boyfriend dart around the kitchen. You check your phone, and it dawns on you that you’ve been baking for the past four hours. Exhaustion envelops your every sense, and you yawn widely. Suga notices and looks down, smiling sheepishly.

“I’m sorry, love. We’re almost done, though. I think this is the last batch. After that, we can go to bed.”

You nod numbly and rest your chin on your palm, eyes slipping shut as you gently succumb to your long-awaited slumber.

You’re woken by soft, dim sunlight streaming through the cracks in your curtains. Almost out of habit, you reach over and search for your phone to turn off any alarms. Instead, you find a plate of cookies, delicately frosted. A small card rested by their side, the ink partially smeared in Suga’s hurry. You laughed quietly. He must’ve woken up late.

Dearest (Y/N),

You don’t know how much I appreciate your help last night. It was extremely unfair of me to call you so late, but you responded regardless. You turned what could have been an evening of inevitable disaster into a memory I’ll treasure forever. You fell asleep after we put the last batch in so don’t worry, I cleaned everything before heading out! Thank you again, really. I can’t wait to see you when I come home; love.

Yours always,

Kou

A fond smile makes its way across your lips as you scan his neat yet rushed handwriting. You dropped the card on the table with a sigh, almost missing a small post-it note attached to the back. Eyebrows furrowing, you flip the paper over to read the words, gentle and deliberate in its delicate script.

P.S. Ironically, I wrote this before I wrote what’s on the card, which makes this more of a pre-script rather than a postscript? Anyways, I’m rambling, on to the actual message.

I got to thinking after you fell asleep last night. Your words stuck to me. I never once stopped to consider you might not believe me when I remind you of how gorgeous you are. You’re my everything; my heart is full of you, so full my words fail me even now as I write this.

I said it once, and I’ll say it eternally. You are beautiful. Though you may not see it, I’ll make sure to repeat it every day until you learn how beautiful you are.

taglist: @tsumuseum @amoroushero​ @mrslordexplosionmurder​ @ssat0ris​ @osamusriceballs​ @seraphgabrielle​ @1642lux

additional note: event taglist is open! Send an ask if you’d like to be added <3

secret santa

pairing: ransom drysdale x f!reader

a/n: this is so self indulgent. SO SELF INDULGENT. more self indulgent than anyone will ever be able to comprehend. before u all read this, i want u to know it was originally supposed to be about training ransom at a job, but then i realized that i nothing about 1. working at a coffee shop and 2. training an employee. also, i am the worst at writing dialogue. so i didn’t write a lot of dialogue LMAO enjoy :)

also, half of this was written at 1 am. just a warning

warnings: coffee shop au, enemies (kinda) to lovers, a lil fluff, not really angst but bitter feelings, kinda slow burn and then all the sudden a fast burn i’m sorry 😭

word count: 2.6k

You woke up to the sound of your alarm rumbling your bedside table sometime around the asscrack of dawn, and rubbed your eyes with a groan. Sometimes, you really couldn’t stand your job, but bills didn’t really pay themselves, did they? You rolled out of bed, and began your dreaded morning routine before heading out to start your opening shift at your local café.

Somewhere between warming up the espresso machine and taking out last night’s trash (which you shouldn’t have had to do in the first place), an older, yet expensive looking car pulled up to the front of the parking lot. You were a bit confused, as you’d never seen this vehicle, and it was quite clear that you weren’t exactly open yet. You watched as a tall man hopped out of the car, wearing a large peacoat and very unnecessary sunglasses. He approached the door, gave it a knock, then waited for you to come open it for him. Reluctantly, you made your way over, and in order to keep yourself safe, began to speak through the glass.

“Can I help you?” You asked in an annoyed tone, then gestured towards the piece of paper that labeled your hours on the door. There was no reason for any customer to be here this early. You looked up at the mystery man and made a rather intense eye contact with him. If this was any indicator of your crowd today, work was going to be far from pleasant.

“Yeah, I was told that I’m starting today?” He had a wicked smirk on his face, like he knew he was getting under your skin already. You hated people like him, and couldn’t believe that he could possibly be your coworker. On the bright side, he probably wouldn’t last long in the first place.

“Well, are you sure you’re here on time? I can’t see any situation where Melissa would schedule to open for your very first shift.” You commented with a furrowed brow.

“Eh, I kinda just figured I’d come in whenever. The girl in my bed was an early riser, so I thought to myself ‘Why not just come in now?’” He said casually.

“Your name?” You inquired, trying to keep your annoyance to yourself, and put on a customer service smile.

“Hugh, or Ransom,” he responded. You turned around, allowed yourself a huff and eye roll, then walked through the kitchen, and into the break room to check if he truly was a new employee, or just some random creep. Sure enough, a bright pink post-it note in very neat handwriting confirmed this man’s existence. You made your way back to the door, unlocked it, and let him in.

“Since you’re here, you should… set down the chairs,” you told him, less than entertained by his presence. You could just tell he was bad news. This Ransom guy was like the textbook definition of a red flag. He talked your ear off while you tried to get through your opening routine, some casual remarks about his last hookup, complaints about how he only got this job because his mother was a regular and good friends with your manager, and how he was threatened to get cut out of his grandfather’s will if he didn’t get employed soon, and what better way to spite your family than to mess up their daily coffees.

Eventually, a few more of your coworkers, along with your manager, Melissa, made it to the café before the morning rush began. You were sitting down at your typical barstool spot, and sipping an iced Americano when Melissa broke the news to you that you would be training the new employee. Upon hearing the news, you audibly groaned, and rubbed your forehead. There was no way that you could handle this man.

-------

During his first week, Ransom not only managed to offer (and successfully give) six customers his phone number, break two mugs, mess up more orders than even Euclid could comprehend, and spill straws a multitude of times all over the floor, but he began to flirt with you relentlessly. You had no idea why you’d become his new target of choice, when it was clear that he could have literally anyone he wanted. Maybe he liked that you were playing hard to get.

If you were being honest, you had to accept that he was handsome. And rich. And the definition of a fuckboy. And since you were being frank with yourself, you had to acknowledge that you were attracted to that ‘toxic and will treat you like shit’ kind of guy. You had a roster of ex boyfriends to prove that for you.

---

It was a pretty slow Tuesday afternoon, which meant you were sitting on your phone until a customer placed an order. Eventually, the little bell above the door chimed, and an older man came through, ordering a dark and bitter drink, then standing by the counter to wait. You began to restock lids while Ransom took care of making the drink, and once it was ready, you passed it over to the man. The man in question took a rather large sip, then promptly spat it out.

“What the fuck is this!” He roared, barely giving you time to react before he proceeded to toss the drink at you, spilling most of the hot content on your apron.

You gasped, gawking down at your scorched and ruined clothing, then up at the customer, who’d turned around with a huff and left, leaving a stream of strong language on his way out. You bit back tears at the whole fiasco, and cringed as both the steamy drink, and your salty tears stung different parts of your body. You turned to look at the barista, who had passed you along the drink, and were met with no other than the white devil himself. It seemed that all the blood had drained from his already otherwise pale face.

“Oh my god, this is all my fault,” he began remorsefully. “Let me make it up to you somehow.”

“Whatever,” you huffed, running a hand through your hair, and shoving Ransom angrily while you more or less stomped into the staff bathroom.

You looked at yourself in the mirror and frowned before bringing up your bundled apron to your face and screaming into it. Stupid fucking customers. Stupid fucking job. Stupid fucking Ransom. It’s like he came to your job just to make it hell. You were tired of cleaning up all these messes for him, and honestly, you wish he’d just quit already. The longer you worked with him, the more tempted you were to pour sugar in his gas tank, then take a club and break all the windows in the Beemer.

------

For the next month, your brain was completely elsewhere at work. Your brain was constantly going back and forth with you between finding Ransom hot and horrendous. While the pair of you finished up closing one night, you heard your coworker begin to speak to you as you placed your hand on the keys in your pocket.

“I know you hate me, Y/N. I get it. What that guy did to you was awful, and yes it was my fault, but what else have I done to hurt you?” He asked, seemingly out of the blue. You weren’t even sure how to respond. Ignoring the man and demonizing him in your head had become almost a second nature. “I mean, I think we could’ve been good friends. Even though you seem to think I’m devil incarnate, I think you’re a pretty cool chick-“ he continued before being cut off by you.

“Why do you even care?” you burst out, “Ransom, you just don’t get it do you? You’re just.. a douchebag. I get it, you have your moments where you’re candid and open with people, but half of the time you’re talking, you’re objectifying someone. Or bragging about something you own. Don’t get me wrong, I could get past what you did to me on accident, but you seriously have to work on yourself,” the words just seemed to pour out without your control. “Goodnight, Ransom,” you said simply before leaving the café for the night.

——

Since that day, the tension between you and Ransom had evidently become more thick. Since he was finally finished training with you, you made sure to only speak to him if you absolutely needed to, and even then, you only communicated with him in brief and straightforward answers. Sure, it seemed like a small thing to be upset about, and sure, he’d apologized, but something told you that any excuse to stay away from Ransom was a good excuse.

Though he appeared to be an immoral and selfish man, he seemed genuinely sorry for all that he’d put you through. Occasionally, you’d be sitting in the break room and look up from your phone to see him watching you. When you’d make eye contact, he would look like he wanted to say something to you, but your petty ass would leave, or look back at your phone. He was bad news anyway.

Your boss quickly caught onto what was going on between the two of you, and usually, Melissa didn’t like to participate in petty drama, but your new sour mood was such a stark contrast from before, and it seemed to shift the whole mood of the café.

That afternoon, Melissa called for a team meeting a bit before closing, and suggested a family dinner along with a Secret Santa. She’d said something along the lines of ‘It’s been way too long since we’ve done a team bonding activity, and a gift exchange is perfectly fitting for the Holiday season.’ This did make you perk up, as Melissa had a great taste in restaurants, and you were always down for a good gift exchange.

Melissa then told everyone to write their names down, then put them in a decorative Santa hat. You and your coworkers obliged, then began to pass around the hat once again in order to draw a name. You really hoped to get Xavier. You had the perfect idea of something he’d love. As you drew a piece of paper from the hat, you imagined the matching pair of fluffy socks for a human and dog that you’d passed by during your last trip to Target. You began to unfold it, thinking of what color he might like the most, when you looked down and saw ‘Ransom’ drawn out in chicken scratch.

You tried your best to mask your annoyance at who you received, but on the inside, you were seething. You mentally cursed the universe out while you pulled on your coat, and grimaced to yourself once you got out to your car. How were you supposed to get this asshole a gift?

—-

The week leading up to the exchange went fairly well for you, although it was getting a bit exhausting to be so mad at Ransom all the time. You tried to be less harsh with him, considering you needed to learn more about him in order to get him a somewhat decent gift for your exchange.

He’d seem to have taken your conversation with him to heart, and began to talk less and less about other girls when he was working with you. He didn’t comment on how well your jeans fit you, and you noticed that he’d often overextend himself in order to help you with (pretty basic) daily aspects of the job. Ransom would ask you questions about yourself, and your family, and speak less about himself. If you were honest with yourself, he was becoming a better man. And the best part was, he seemed to be doing it just for you. The thought of which brought heat to your face.

—

On the night of the exchange, you threw on a hideous and scratchy Christmas sweater before picking up your neatly wrapped gift for Ransom. You truly hoped that he’d like it, even though it certainly wasn’t the most expensive item. You bid farewell to your cat, then went on your way to the restaurant. You had to admit, you were a bit late. So it should’ve been no surprise when you arrived, and found that the only seat left at the table was next to Ransom. You gave him a cordial smile before sitting down and ordering yourself a glass of Merlot.

Something about being so close to him was kind of riling you up. The strong timbre sent coming off of him was making your whole body feel slightly warmer than normal, and you tried to ignore this strange sensation while you talked and joked with your coworkers. At one point, Ransom leaned in nice and close to you, and began to speak to you.

“Jesus Christ, I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything as hideous as Karmen’s sweatshirt,” he whispered right into the shell of your ear. Maybe it was the wine talking, but that simple action sent a whole chill through your body, and made you flush even harder than you’d flushed before. You let out a little giggle and nodded in agreement, looking across the table at her very ugly sweater.

“To be fair, the whole point of this was to wear something really ugly,” you turned your head back to where it was before, only to find that Ransom had somehow moved even closer to you.

“I just don’t know where you find something like that,” he commented, gazing much too deep into your eyes. You swore you felt the room shift after he began looking at you like that. There was about a 20% chance that you’d be able to keep your panties on after this kind of exchange. Luckily for you, a waitress broke the tension for you, setting down a few plates for everyone, then bidding them farewell. Damn.

The food was amazing, and didn’t last very long, meaning that it was time to pass gifts around sooner than later. You watched as Amy received a gift card from Sophie, Emily opened a plethora of chocolates gifted to her by Melissa, and Xander whiffed a candle given to him by Kennedy, then, it was your turn. You glanced around the table before you felt the arm next to you reach down, then hand you an oversized gift bag.

“I hope you like it,” Ransom said with a shy smile. You casually felt your cheeks on your way to pull out the very large item. You found it was a very large, and soft, hand knit blanket. It looked like it could’ve cost a small fortune, and you immediately found yourself embarrassed.

“Oh wow. This is perfect! Thank you so much,” you grinned over at your coworker, who seemed to be blushing himself. “Well, I guess I should probably give you this then,” you chuckled awkwardly before passing him your wrapped package. He tore it open barbarically, then began to laugh. Of all the gifts in the world, you two had gotten each other somewhat similar items. Sure, it wasn’t hand knit with the love of some grandma who ran a small business on Etsy, but it was the thought that counts.

“I love it, Y/N,” he exclaimed, looking deep into your eyes once again. He ran his fingers through the soft fabric, then set a hand on your arm. In that moment, it felt like time stopped. It was just you two, sitting in a quiet room, enjoying the presence of each other. You don’t even know what had gotten into you, but before you knew it, you felt a nose pressed up against yours, and a billion butterflies erupt out of your stomach. You heard a few grimaces from your coworkers at the sappy, Hallmark-like moment but what could you say.

Maybe Ransom was not that bad after all.

congrats on 5.5k!! you're insanely talented and I'm so happy you're getting the recognition you deserve 🥺🥺 could i join in the ship requests too?

I'm a rather small sized (like, 154cm & ~40kg kind of small) Asian female from a South East Asia country and i prefer men, especially men who are taller and Age Gaps™ 🥴 I'm not sure how much you know about/believe in astrology but I'm a Libra sun, Taurus rising and Capricorn moon so you can do what you want with that 😂

I'm an INTP/INFP (I've gotten both an equal number of times from sites OTHER than 16 personality, tho I personally vibe with INTP just a teeny smidge more) if you do MBTI ✌🏼 I LOVE to read, especially fanfiction lmao, and i also write! I really love listening to music + watching shows/movies too! My favourite shows are all mystery/crime based LOL and I am working towards becoming a criminal psychologist/forensic pathologist/forensic scientist in future! (heavily inspired by Criminal Minds, Sherlock, Detective Conan and the like so 😂) I have a really vivid and good imagination please i can spend DAYS just daydreaming and imagining scenarios that I never finish writing about & generally this is how all my work is never finished loll

I'm the eldest sibling at home, and my parents haven't always been around so I've been rather used to stepping up and taking care of myself (+ my sibling, like helping them with homework and all). Some people say I'm a natural born leader? idk bc I often step up to be the leader in group work & I'll often be the one to initiate things & all. I'm a rather big procrastinator though LOLL so you'll often catch me rushing my assignments & final projects & rushing my revision for exams + finals like, 2 days before the actual exam 💀 which often leads to me becoming more stressed out & breaking down more often than i actually should so 🥲 I'm trying to quit this bad habit though

I love cuddles and hugs please I will KILL for cuddles and hugs from my back by a tall character pls it just feels so safe and comforting to be spooned too 🥺🥺 sometimes when I'm too absorbed in work or something (which happens too often for it to be healthy) I might just forget to eat/sleep entirely AND also my sleep routine isn't the best. like i will literally fall asleep at 9pm, wake up in the middle of the night on my own at like, 1am, then usually I'll be rushing homework at this time, then maybe sleep again for a short while from 4ish? till when i have to get up for school/work at 5:30/6am 💀 there's been days where i literally looked so sick from the lack of sleep where my tutor once stopped the class to ask me if I was okay and if i was going to faint LMAO 😔 i feel like I'm a night owl??? but then also i have no problem getting up super early in the morning so?? but i really feel most at home and really enjoy the 3am nights 😌

i am also the class clown lol but it's bc i just make sarcastic comments and all and my friends think they're funny???? but also i enjoy making people laugh bc sometimes i find it interesting to try and see what kind of things make my friends laugh so it's lowkey an experiment? or like something i want to achieve? at this point. I'm fluent in English and Chinese/Mandarin and I'm learning Italian so I roughly know some basics, and I really enjoyed History, which I took last year but dropped this year. (I'm taking English Literature with Biology + Chemistry this year and they're all great, except I'm literally dying from the workload aaahhh 💀)

I'm kinda clumsy and Not Good™ at most sports, maybe passably okay for badminton but I'm really not that athletic and really not very keen on exercising either 😔 I'm quite creative and good with public speaking/creative writing/impromptu performance/speech though I'd say! I'm also in my school's drama club 😎 though I'm more of a backstage lights & sounds kind of person. I'm right handed (with a really neat handwriting, as I've been told many, many, many times) and I wear thin frame spectacles which I sometimes will fall asleep in & I'm so clumsy/careless that I'm actually really afraid I'd break them (it's happened before 😭)

I'm a really good planner? like i can do up a great and detailed schedule/plan for revision and all but i will NOT stick to what i plan 😭😭 i love to snack!!!! on chips + gummies especially, and my diet is quite unhealthy lmao i literally don't eat vegetables At All™ & i don't really eat meat that much too?? lmaoo please i can go for days without having a single proper meal & just survive on snacking on potato chips + soft drinks 💀 i am a very picky eater though so really me not finding food i like/am able to stomach is also really kind of my fault 🤡

while i really vibe with and love the dark academia aesthetic, i also do video/MOBA games, like i play games like Mobile Legends & all. I'm someone who knows most, if not all the lastest trends (like tiktok, memes etc) but i won't actively participate in them? i just kind of like to know things, like Knowledge is Power you know (I'm a Slytherin, in case you're wondering, though I've gotten Ravenclaw so often it's a close tie sometimes)

okay i feel like that's enough details about me? feels like I've told you nothing that's useful oh well LOL... I'd really love a ship for Criminal Minds and Marvel? if that's possible please? in case you missed it, i prefer men! (I'm a questioning bi, with a strong preference for men) for the hc prompt "what you do on your first date" or maybe "how you met + first impressions"?

thank you so much for being so kind and willing to do this ship requests thing!! I'm sure you're spending TONS of time and effort on this and aahhh i feel bad for typing so long paragraphs now (as you may have noticed i have a tendency to ramble on if not stopped because i am just really Socially Awkward ™ sometimes 💀 and have really bad (social) anxiety too) and i really think you're super amazing for doing this??? I'm so sorry if this took up too much of your time aaahhhhh thank you so so so much 🥺😭😭 really the biggest of congratulations to you for your 5.5k??? you really do deserve every single follower & i am SO insanely happy for you 🤩❤️

- 🌙🏒 anon

Don’t worry, you definitely provided enough information lmao. 

And thank you for your kind words, I appreciate it. 

I hope you like the ships I made for you

They are under the cut: 

Criminal Minds: 

I ship you with Hotch. 

You get the age-gap here lol. He would be a bit hesitant due to the age gap at first, but he would get over it because he can not resist. He does not seem like the type of cuddles, and especially does not take part in PDA. But when you are alone he would love holding you and spooning, especially after a long day of work. Aaron would be attracted to your uniqueness as well as your intelligence and aesthetic, finding it to be very “you”. 

How you met + his first impressions: 

You met when you were transferred to the BAU as the new Forensic Pathologist.

Hotch thought you were very interesting when you first met and was definitely intrigued by you. 

He thought you fit in fairly well and would get along with the others (which you do). 

He appreciates a sarcastic sense of humor, so he would dig that as well.

Hotch could tell you had a form of anxiety and wold be patient around you when you first met so that you could open up to him at your own pace.

What you do on your first date:

He takes you to a hockey game. 

He is not the sportiest person but he has had an interest in hockey for a while, sometimes watching it on tv. 

When he learned that you liked it, he decided that this would be the perfect opportunity to invite you on a date as well as to see his first game. 

After the game, you walked around town for a bit, getting some late night food and talking or a long time. 

This allowed you to open up to him quite a bit and you grew more comfortable around him as well, which he is very happy about. 

Best Friend: 

Your best friend is JJ. She thinks you are really cool and unique and nice. She has the type of personality that is easy t get along with and open up too, so you bonded with her quicker than the others. I also feel like she is into hockey as well, so she appreciates your love for it as well. 

-

Marvel: 

I ship you with Sam. 

I think Sam is a good fit for you. He is into sports, and digs your aesthetic. He is easy to get along with and very funny. He thinks your line of work is very interesting and loves to listen to you talk about it. Sam also really enjoys crime shows ans thrillers so he is always excited to meet someone who enjoys them as well. 

How you met + his first impressions:

You met through Nat, who you had met through SHIELD years before. 

You happened to be at the compound with Nat when Sam was there and she introduced you. 

He immediately thought you were pretty and very interesting.

Sam could tell you were shy, but that did not stop him from flirting.

Though he also made some jokes and was easy going as to not scare you off. 

He made sure to ask Nat about you once you left and managed to convince her to give him your contact info. 

What you did on your first date: 

He took you to the movies first, to watch the most recent crime thriller that came out. 

After the movie you went to a nearby park and walked around, talking about the movie and other crime/horror related stuff. 

You got food at a food truck and sat by the fountain together. 

He was appalled when you told him that you didn’t eat that often (if came a part of your relationship later on that he would try to cook you meals that you’d like just so you WOULD EAT). 

You ended up spending hours together, and it felt like no time at all.

So you were definitely up for another date with him, which he of course asked you about.  

Best-Friend: 

Natasha. She was the first one you met, and slowly introduced you to the others. She thought you were really cool when you first met and was surprised at how well you go along. That is sometimes hard for her to do, so once you became friends she never took that for granted. She and Sam would gang up on you when you weren’t eating btw. 

xxaaron

Seblos Barn Date

Okay so here's my first ever oneshot for seblos. I hope you enjoy. Thank you to all my friends and especially the discord diner server for hyping me up and helping me write this. I love y'all!! Also big thank to my girlfriend for assisting me with the kiss scene lmao. With a further ado, here it is:

When Saturday came around, Seb was going to ask Carlos to officially be his boyfriend. Carlos was coming over that night for a sleepover. Little did he know, Seb had his own masterful plan to surprise the other boy. 

Spending homecoming dancing with Carlos was one of the best nights of the farm boys life, even though he arrived three hours late. The way Seb felt about Carlos couldn't be described through any words. Getting a text from the other boy made him light up in a way he didn't know he could. Let's just say, seb was smitten. This made him want to make it up to his almost boyfriend, and he was going to do it in a way that was memorable. 

Seb begged his parents to use the barn that night, in order to have a "friend" over. They didn't really understand why he wanted to have his friend stay over at the barn instead of the house, but nonetheless they couldn't argue with sebs pleads. With this agreement between his parents, the teenage boy scavenged for anything and everything around his house and storage for a cutesy barn sleepover. He wanted the decor to resemble something out of a romantic movie. 

After looking for an hour, he had carried all of his findings in a big grey box from the barn. Then Seb dumped everything carefully on the ground and began to plot the setup in his head. He had the perfect plan, now it was time for the execution of that plan. Near the red barn doors stood a ladder that could reach all the way up to the high ceiling. Seb was going to hang the fairy lights he had found from the sides of the rafters. And so he moved the ladder to where he needed it and climbed up and positioned the clips for the lights. This went rather well. Now he just had to tie the lights into the clips. He finally finished the most treacherous task, after putting the ladder back to its original place: it came to the exciting part. Putting everything together.

In the pile of the miscellaneous items there were many blankets and pillows to cover the wooden floor with. He put about five comforters of different colors on the ground. Then the farm boy covered the mismatched comforters with two giant fluffy white blankets with red hearts. He added many white and red pillows to the arrangement of blankets and changed the color of the lights to white in order to fit the romantic theme. 

Seb checked his phone for the time since the other boy would be at his house around 8:00 pm. He was right on track and even had about an hour to spare. This prompted him to put a small table up by the makeshift bed. He had put various snacks such as popcorn, chocolate, pretzels, soda and more on the table. He added a vase of roses in the middle of the table, along with a homemade card. He was almost done. Now all Seb needed to do was set up the projector to face against the barn doors. He moved the ladder into the back of the barn and pushed the plug into the outlet. He wanted to watch the high school musical movies with Carlos which made the projector a vital part into the entire operation. Seb was completely done and was proud of the beautiful creation. 

Moments after daydreaming about the fun they would have together, Seb realized he had to go back to his house in order to greet Carlos and take him over to the barn. The blonde boy sat on the couch anxiously waiting for the ringing of the doorbell or knock in order to alert him. Carlos had texted Seb after a few minutes of waiting to let him know that he was 2 minutes away. This led the boy to panic as he waited for what felt like days for his crush to arrive. He heard a subtle knock at the front door as sebs heart started racing, he rushed to open it.

In the doorway stood the black haired boy with a beaming smile and a bag in his hand. Seb exchanged an even wider smile while pushing the door far enough for the other boy to get in. "Hey Sebby!" Carlos said as he set his bag down near the entrance and proceeded to get closer to the blonde boy in order to hug him. 

"Hey Carlos!!" He replied as his stomach fluttered even more with the gentle embrace of his crush. Both boys cheeks turned crimson red as they felt at peace within each others presence. Seb gently released the grip from Carlos's waist. "Do you want to come with me to the barn? I was just about to finish up some work." He hoped Carlos wouldn't suspect anything with the tone and apprehension of his voice. Seb was never really good at lying. 

"The infamous barn where all your moves are practiced in?" Carlos replied with a cheeky smile which made Seb stop breathing for a second because of how cute the black haired boy was at that moment. 

Seb gave a quick nod, "That's the one." Seb opened the front door and held it out so that the other boy could walk through. 

"Why thank you." Carlos said while walking through and then turning around to wait for Seb to lock the door behind him. Seb chuckled while walking closer to his almost-boyfriend and reaching for his hand. The boys intertwined fingers and walked comfortably to the other side of the property. Carlos was still flustered that another boy, let alone Seb, was holding his hand. They both exchanged glances and small chuckles within their conversation while treading towards the barn. 

When they reached the barn, seb let go of the other boys hand and tugged on the door handles. "So... I wanted to surprise you." Seb said as he tried to gauge the black haired boys reaction. "Do you like it?" 

Carlos entered the barn and was filled with pure euphoria. "I love it. I can't believe you did this for me." Carlos said while examining all the thought Seb had put into the room. This had prompted Seb to close the wooden doors.

The blonde boy inched closer to where Carlos was standing. "You deserve it. After everything you've done for me and everyone else. You've taught me so much about myself and you've helped me get out of my shell completely." Seb said only inches away from the other boys face. 

Carlos leaned in closer. Sebs soft breath coming into reach. Seb softly placed his hand on the boys neck, closing the distance between them. With that, they melted into a sweet kiss, their bodies pressing into one another softly. After a few seconds the boys returned for air. They both ginned but remained speechless for a second. "Wow." Seb whispered just before moving his hand away from the other boy. 

"Thank you for that. And also what you just said. You mean so much to me." He said chuckling while his face turned even redder than it already was. Carlos sat on the edge of the blankets watching as the blonde boy walked the other way.

"Thank you, Carlos." Seb said moving over to the small table in order to get the roses and the card. He approached the other boy with deliberation on his face, "So, you should read this." Seb handed Carlos the card while sitting right next to him. 

Carlos grabbed the card gently and opened it to start reading Sebs neat handwriting. "Aww Seb, you're going to make me cry." He said as he looked up at the boy next to him.

"Don't cry!!" Seb said in a concerned tone. Carlos laughed and put his hand on Sebs thigh in order to reassure the other boy. 

Carlos started reading the card, trying to hold back the happy tears emerging from his eyes. 'Dear Carlos, you've been a really great friend ever since last year's production of Brigadoon. And, I've had a crush on you since then. I couldn't even believe you asked me to go to homecoming with you. I still feel bad that I was late. But, at least our ties matched. Anyways, I want you to be my boyfriend.' 

"Sorry if it's cheesy." Seb said as he waited for a response.

Carlos put the card down beside him, as well as the flowers. "It's perfect, just like you. Of course I will be your boyfriend." Carlos replied and immediately gave Seb a quick kiss on the cheek. 

"I was hoping you'd want to watch the high school musical movies with me." Seb commented, pointing to the projector.

"PLEASE!!" Carlos exclaimed as he started getting under the first blanket. 

"We should probably get your bag from the house first." Seb added, giggling and getting up.

Carlos reached for Sebs hand and pulled him down onto him, "We don't have to!" Seb hugged the boy in the interesting position they were in. They both laughed in sync with one another.

"Okayyy fine, let me put on the movie first." Seb smiled and got up from the other boys grasp to project the movie.

The farm boy put on the movie and walked back over to the blanket pile. He got into the right side next to Carlos under the blanket. Seb cuddled up closer to Carlos. He put his head on the other boys chest just as the movie started. Carlos couldn't help but playing with the blondes hair. The boys stayed like this for the rest of the night. Of course, with the addition of many laughs, snacks, and cuddling. They ended up falling asleep only getting to the middle of the second movie. But frankly, they weren't paying attention anyways. 

stupid cupid | part 4

part 1 | part 2 | part 3

college!au / bang chan x fem!reader

Summary: bang chan is always complaining about being single since birth, so best friend reader decides to play cupid and sets him up. big mistake.

Genre: angst-y?? with some fluff later on idk you decide (a Lot of slow burn so idk how many parts this multi-shot will have lmao)

Warnings: slighttt swearing, maybe a smooch

“hana, wait!” chan flusteredly called out to the fleeting girl. he could feel his heart pounding against his rib cage from the adrenaline rush. it felt like he just got caught, even though there wasn’t anything to be caught in. after all, it wasn’t like they were dating. but that still didn’t ease the guilt gnawing away at him because he knew he would be just as hurt if the roles were reversed. 

he couldn’t move, though, because your face was buried in his chest while you mumbled endless nothings in your drunken slumber. he internally screamed. 

he felt like the universe purposely dealt him bad cards- a confession, a kiss and a broken heart occured all within the span of 7 minutes.

gently, he lifted your head up and replaced his chest with a pillow for you to lay on, being careful not to wake you. but with your state, the chances of you waking within the next 10 hours were slim to none as you were totally and completely blacked-out. 

he hurriedly shuffled to the door; with a hand on the doorknob, he fought the urge to look at your sleeping figure a few strides away behind him. he knew that if he did, he wouldn’t be able to walk out and resolve things with hana as he would just run back over to you and hold you for the rest of the night. he needed to clear the air so that things would be right. so he gulped the urge down and walked out, softly shutting the door behind him. 

chan aggressively pressed the elevator button, but after realizing it would take an eternity for the lift in questionable condition to reach, he bolted down the stairs. luckily enough the flat resided on the fifth floor; high enough to get nice lighting and low enough to take the stairs in an emergency, you had said once. 

“w-wait,” he panted, completely out of breath once he caught up to hana. she whipped around, eyes startled by the sudden appearance of a disheveled blond. 

“d-don’t l-leave,” he panted out with his face contorted in discomfort from all that goddamn running.

“i’m going to go home.” she said firmly, shaking off his grip on her forearm. 

“let me drive you home.” he pleaded.

“no.” she stood her ground and began stalking off.

“please? it’s the least i could do after everything.” he begged and ran to stand in front of her. his pleading and sorry eyes made her deliberate it for a second.

“it’s also cold as balls, you’ll get hypothermia if you brave this weather.” he said in a matter-of-fact tone. only now did she realize the amount of fog breathed out by both of them as they stood in the blistering cold. 

she nodded.

the 15 minute drive was filled with thick silence, a mixture of awkward and tense, with neither of them having the courage to speak. all the words were caught up in chan’s throat and he didn’t know where to start. what was one supposed to say to someone that has feelings for them but then witnessed said person’s best friend- who also happens to be their roommate- land a smooch on them? ‘sorry you had to see that after doing your business in the toilet?’ the more time dragged on, the more uncomfortable it got.

hana’s mind ran a million miles an hour with the thoughts that plagued her. she didn’t know what to think- she was hurt by chan, mad at you, and infuriated with herself. but more than that all she felt was embarrassed and dumb. she should’ve known this was bound to happen- it’s the most popular romance trope of all time for goodness sake! but she couldn’t help but feel humiliated for the large part of her that hoped it wouldn’t play out like in the movies. 

“i should’ve saw it coming.” she said quietly. they were parked at the front of the apartment complex, but both of them refused to move. 

“god, i feel so embarrassed.” she looked out the window, harshly biting down on her lip as she willed the tears not to fall. while she wasn’t in love with chan, she surely did like him. and it sucked because she knew he didn’t feel the same.

“you have no reason to be embarrassed.” chan said firmly, looking at his hands that were planted on the steering wheel. she let out a breath.

“you can’t tell me what to feel. you’re not the one who’s laid out their romantic feelings so blatantly hoping for something to blossom, when clearly the other is already in love with someone else!” she said frustratedly. “i mean, seriously, why did you even go out with me if you’re already so in love with her?” she questioned, a lot more quietly this time. when chan didn’t reply and just gaped at her, she scoffed.

“you can’t seriously be telling me that you didn’t know?” she stared at him with an eyebrow raised. 

“i-i’m not in love with her.” he stuttered out, sounding very unsure of himself. she sighed. 

“i meant it when i said you had nothing to be embarrassed about,” he said quietly, fiddling with the drawstrings of his sweats. “we were going out romantically, and so feelings are bound to pop up. it happens.” 

“i’m the only one with feelings here, though.” she said, staring blankly ahead of her. chan didn’t have the guts to refute. it’d be a lie if he did. she nodded sadly.

“the way you talk about her, a-and the way you look at her,” she paused, sucking in a breath. “i can’t believe i had to be the loser that makes you both realise you love each other.” she said in disbelief of herself. 

“you’re not a loser,” he said, still pondering over her words.

“you know, for a couple of smartasses, you’re both pretty dumb.” she said cynically. she turned to face him.

“t-this wasn’t supposed to happen. we’ve been best friends for two years, a-and it’s only now that... that something like this comes up.” he rambled, trying to reason but not sure of who he was reasoning to. 

“i’m sorry.” he breathed out finally, looking at her in the eyes. the genuinity of it made it hard for hana to stay mad at him.

“it’s okay. i can’t make her not love you. and i can’t make you not love her.” she said sadly. the thought of being in love with you was still so foreign to him that he couldn’t stop his heart from beating erratically at the possibility of it all. 

“don’t lose this chance.” and without another word, she left. she knew she deserved better than blindly going for someone who didn’t reciprocate, and she knew that the both of you deserved to work things out properly. so she let him go. and with time, she knew she could learn to let all the what if’s go too. 

chan deliberated over everything on the drive back and on the trudge up to the apartment. in the silence of it all, he began to question so much.

was hana right? were you two actually in love with each other without realising it? did you have to bottle it all up while you watched him go out with someone else? did both of you choose to deny it after all this time? 

would he lose you if the answer to all of that was yes?

his bickering mind was silenced the moment he saw your sleeping figure curled up on the couch. he let out a heavy breath.

“you should’ve told me sooner.” he said quietly as he crouched down next to you, brushing a strand of hair away from your face. he sighed and carried you back to your room, tucking you in and leaving a kiss on your forehead.

as tired as he was, chan couldn’t get a wink of sleep. he’d argue that it was because of everything that had happened; that it was the new onslaught of emotional revelations; that it was because his mind and heart were conflicted. but none would be true, as the only thing that kept him up was the lingering feeling of your lips on his that he wished never left.

“ack-” you groaned, hugging the toilet bowl. who knew someone could throw up their body weight at 10am in the morning?

never again, you told yourself. no more drinking your feelings away, you’re just going to puke them back up. 

to say that you woke up with a start would be a drastic understatement. but you knew you had the pounding headache and constant vomiting coming for you. what was one supposed to expect after chugging down hard liquor as though it was a cool glass water? 

after washing your face, brushing the hell out of your teeth and cleaning up the toilet bowl, you grudgingly made your way back into your room to get some more shuteye. there was no way you’d make in to any of your lectures, that’s for sure. a neon post-it note on your bedside table caught your eye.

i know you’re going to be too lazy to take some pills for your headache, so here you go. drink the water too >:( happy hangover it read in chan’s borderline illegible handwriting. you smiled.

you popped two of the tylenol pills and downed it with the tall glass of water that stood beside them on your bedside table and sighed in content. 

your state of contentment vanished just as fast as it came, however, as you quickly started to piece together bits of blurry memories that were stored in your mind during your drunken state. 

loud music, epileptic lights, shot glasses, sweaty people, crying in the car, coming home... what else?

you couldn’t remember proper conversations; just snippets of how the night played on, but they were all out of focus. none sharp enough for you to be certain that they were fact and not just scenarios you conjured up by your over-active imagination.

at least, that’s what you told yourself when you remembered chan’s tired features, warm, calloused hands on your cheeks and the feeling of his lips. 

jesus, stop playing tricks on me this isn’t funny.

you paced back and forth in your tiny room, ransacking your brain trying to distinguish between fiction and real life and ignoring the headache gnawing at you. did i kiss chan? did i actually? what else did i fucking say? how could i be that stupid!? you ranted in your head. 

there was only one other instance in your life where you felt this horribly humiliated, and that was when your 11th grade boyfriend dumped you in the cafeteria in front of the whole school to witness. but right now, this felt even more so mortifying that 500 eyes pitying you, and you were the only one in the room. you wanted nothing more than for the floor to swallow you whole.

you nervously bit your lip, willing the whole situation to be just some lucid dream, even though a part of you hoped the feeling of his cloud lips on yours was real.

oh god, but what if it was real? what would you do? what could you do? what would he do? so many unanswered questions burdened your mind.

to solo: what happened last night? you texted ambiguously, trying to make it seem like you had no recollection of anything when in reality you just wanted to see whether he’d give a strange answer that would confirm your suspicions.

antsy, you sat down on your bed and nibbled on your fingernails as you waited for his reply. a minute passed, then five, then twenty, yet still no answer. he must’ve been in a really important lecture, because he’d usually text back within a few minutes. 

you walked around the apartment, pacing back and forth in the living room, in the kitchenette- heck, you even paced in your toilet for god knows how long- in attempt to ease your mind. but it only amplified the anxiousness even more.

you kept thinking back to your memories of last night, trying to sharpen all the images. now that your hangover subsided, maybe this time you could find clarity. you started to slowly piece together what you could.

i remember... i remember his perfume; his worried eyes. i remember hiccups and tears. the tv was on... it illuminated his features... your mind trailed on. 

“no channie, i’m i-in love with you a-and i can-can’t do anything about it.”

you gasped.

no, no, no, i did not say that. 

you stood wide eyed and gasped in disbelief of yourself. you were terrified- but it wasn’t the possibility of rejection, rather it was the fact that you might’ve just ruined your relationship with your favorite person. 

slowly, all of it started coming back. the confession, the tears... the kiss. so it was real. you thought the world was playing a sick prank on you, but unfortunately it wasn’t. your cheeks were burning and your heart was hammering uncontrollably. 

god, why am i such a dumbass?

you tried calling chan, abandoning your pride at the door to apologise to him and blame it on the alcohol, and that you’d understand if he wanted to move out, that you were wrong for doing so; that you were wrong for having feelings in the first place. but you were sent to voicemail each time. 

oh god, is he ignoring me?  

you felt absolutely hopeless. 

why me? why did i have to be the loser that falls in love with their best friend? if i lose him i’ll be all alone and empty; if i lose him i won’t be able to afford rent then i’ll be out on the streets and i won’t graduate then i-

“hey, i didn’t think you’d be up.” that deep, familiar voice halted your trail of self-deprecating thoughts. you jumped startled. 

in the midst of your anxious and contemplative state, you didn’t notice the subject of your worries walk through the door in all his blonde glory, clad in a warm hoodie and sweats with a beanie to match. he was holding groceries, and you were holding the world’s most confused, shocked and speechless look on your face. 

“c-chan?” you squeaked out. maybe he’s just a figment of my imagination, maybe i’m going crazy-

“are you okay?” he asked cautiously as he set the plastic bags on the dining table, looking at you worried. 

was there a right answer to that question?

“i-i thought you had class...?” you squeaked, pointing meekly between him and the door as if the door signified a lecture hall. 

“class was moved to later, but i don’t feel like going today.” he mumbled quietly as he averted his focus towards taking out the groceries. your body language and posture signalled to him that you were worried, and that was all it took to realise that you remembered last night- or, at least, the most eventful part of last night.

you shuffled awkwardly in place as you watched him move slowly, placing all the groceries on the dining table. the air was so think and tense, so uncomfortable which was something you both had never experience before. you felt dread wash over you.

“so about last night...” chan scratched the back of his head, still not meeting your gaze. your heart dropped to your ass.

“oh my god, chan i’m so, so sorry, i know i was out of line and that i shouldn’t have confessed because i know you’re seeing hana and,-” you rambled. 

“no, wait, y/n, it’s okay-”

“-you must hate me right now, and i don’t blame you i’m such a dumbass i can’t believe i’ve ruined us. i’ve ruined us haven’t i? oh god, i hate myself i-”

“slow down i don’t hate you wait-”

“-i completely understand if you want to move out and get another roommate. just please know that i’m sorry and that i- mm-”

your babbling ceased as cloud lips firmly latched onto yours, silencing you. 

in your antsy chatter, you hadn’t noticed that chan had started to move closer to you, a confused yet amused expression sprawled on his face. there was no way he would be able to stop your incessant rambling but cutting you off, so he did the next best thing.

one hand cupped your cheek while the other held onto the milk carton that he tried to put away earlier.

“are you done now?” he asked quietly once he both pulled away, his forehead resting on yours. your eyes were shocked and frantic and you thought you must’ve died and gone to heaven. his lips twitched in a smile.

“i-i don’t understand...” you stuttered out softly, pulling away from him to look at him properly.

“yes, you confessed to me last night; yes, you kissed me, too. and no, i don’t hate you, y/n,” he said with a newfound courage in his eyes.

“because i love you, too.” he said quietly and he brought his hand back up to cup your cheek. 

“i’m sorry i didn’t realise it sooner,” he examined your face frantically as if it was the last time he’d be seeing you. “i’m sorry we didn’t realise it sooner.”

“i should’ve seen the signs but,” he furrowed his brows “i didn’t. i don’t know how i missed it. i count down the days to our next movie night not because i want to watch poor acting on a screen but because i wanted to watch them with you, and laugh at them with you.”

“i get this fuzzy feeling in the pit of my stomach whenever i see you. and i always look forward to coming back home, back to leaky faucets and broken air conditioning, back to cracked tile floors and piles of old takeout,” he gazed deeply in your eyes.

“because i come back home to you. to our leaky faucets, to our questionable, run-down apartment. because it’s you,” he let out a shaky breath as he felt a massive weight come off his chest. he didn’t know how long he had this bottled in him, but no was a better time than any to let it all out.

“it has always been you. you’re home, y/n.” he ended, eyes glassy and hopeful. you were rendered speechless as you stared at him bewildered, tears welling up in your wide eyes. you couldn’t say anything even if there was so much you wanted to say. but his words mirrored the ones you had. so you kissed him. 

you poured every word into that kiss, hoping it would be enough to get the message across. all the lost time, all the missed chances vanished as you pressed your mouth against his. it was heaven, and it was yours. you could hear the thump of the milk carton landing on the floor as his arm wrapped around your waist and pulled you closer. he tasted like spearmint gum and you like listerine, thanks to your vigorous brushing earlier.

“what about hana?” you said after pulling away breathless. this was a dream come true, but it wouldn’t be right if it was behind her back.

“don’t worry, we talked things out. she kinda saw you kiss me last night.” he said, letting out an airy laugh. you winced.

“don’t worry.” he assured you. 

“you know,” he started, tucking your hair behind your ears. “that night that you set me up was the first time i realised something.” you stared at him expectantly.

“i didn’t want to kiss you good-bye- and that was the trouble- i wanted to kiss you good night-”

“and there’s a lot of difference.” you finished the quote off for him, smiling. god he loved your smile.

“since when did you quote ernest hemingway?” you chuckled, wrapping your arms around his neck as he wrapped both arms around your waist, holding you tightly.

“since now.” he grinned back at you.

“christopher bang, i didn’t know you were a huge cheeseball.” you laughed boisterously and it was like music to his ears. he stared at you in adoration as your laughter died down. 

“so what happens now?” you said quietly, studying his face.

“now,” he pecked your lips. “i kiss you.” and kiss you he did.

it didn’t matter that the ice cream he just bought was probably defrosting on the dining table, or that you probably had to move out because your apartment was slowly deteriorating. it didn’t matter that you would have to explain yourself to your parents on how your roommate became your boyfriend, or that you were still recovering from a bad hangover. and it didn’t matter that you would need a better couch for all the wednesday’s to come that won’t fall apart while you did everything besides watching movies. 

you were kissing him, and he was holding a piece of heaven. and that was all that mattered. 

annnnddd that’s a wrap!!!!! ahhhh, this 4 part series felt longer, but now it comes to a close. low-key feeling empty rn, but hopefully i bring out all my other ideas soon!! leave comments, replies, reblogs and let’s all weep together :’) i never intended for this idea to be longer than two parts- it just sorta happened as i wrote along, hence why it’s fast paced for a self-proclaimed slow burn. but thank you all for the support and replies- it warms my heart so much! i never thought i’d get 1 note- let alone a hundred!! gosh i love u all （ ；´Д｀ ) til we meet again, my lovely reader ( ́ ◕◞ε◟◕`)(⌒o⌒)

pink sticky note. | kim taehyung

⇒ summary: maybe all you ever really needed to get through a tiring day was a pink sticky note, a janitor’s closet, and a certain boyfriend named Kim Taehyung.

⇒ [high school! au]

⇒ pairing: kim taehyung x reader

⇒ word count: 2.3k words

⇒ genre: fluff

⇒ warnings: the cliché making out in a janitor’s closet lmao

⇒ note: hello, this has been sitting in my docs for weeks now, i almost forgot about it lol. ignore mistakes bc im a bit of a blind bat and enjoy! ＼ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ／

You moved from room to room, checking in with the class Presidents, giving instructions and answering questions from the teachers with a tired smile on your face. The school’s biggest event — which was the school’s foundation anniversary — was set to happen in a week, and you were running around, getting things done before Friday rolled around.

It was currently 8:15 am on a Monday and while you would much rather want to be in class, listening to your teacher talk about the history of the Joseon Dynasty, you couldn’t. You were the student council President, and along with the rest of the student council, you were all completing your assigned tasks for the event.

“Hey, Y/N, I came to check on the banners at the gymnasium, and Mr. Jung just told me it isn’t set to arrive until Thursday.” Your Vice President, Park Jimin runs up to you, slightly out of breath, his pink hair flopping messily.

You sigh and open your clipboard that was clutched tightly in your left arm, running your index finger over the program. You click the top of your sign pen and scribble a few notes beside the stage setup design. You close the clipboard and look up at Jimin.

“That’s okay, we can stay until after school to work on it. Tell Jeongguk to gather his committee after classes on Thursday to set the stage up. I’ll go inform Jihyo to prepare the letter for it.” You inform Jimin, sending him a slightly tired but positive smile.

“Preferably around what time? Classes end at 3:30 for the seniors,” Jimin replies. “Then can we start working on it by 3:45? They can have a quick break then start on it until around 7, maybe?” You ask, and Jimin nods.

Jimin was your best friend before he was your Vice President so he sends one back and steps closer to you, wrapping you in a tight hug in the middle of the hallway.

“We can get through this, Y/N. Don’t stress out on it too much,” Jimin whispers, stroking your hair gently. You hum and rub your hands up and down his back comfortingly. You both needed that extra comfort.

“Thanks, Jimin. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

He pulls away from the hug, holding you at arm’s length as he smirks.

“You’d probably still be single.” He winks and you laugh at him, bidding each other good bye before he dashes off in the opposite direction.

Immediately your thoughts drift off to your boyfriend as Jimin turns around the corner and disappears. You smile and head on over to your locker to get your journal where you wrote down all your important appointments and things to do.

On your way there, your Treasurer, Nayeon stops you.

“Y/N! I just came from the accounting office and they just told me they can’t release the funds today, we’ll have to wait until Tuesday afternoon,” Nayeon informs you, sighing.

You frown and run a hand through your hair. “But, why? I thought everything was already settled.”

“That’s what I thought too, but apparently they don’t hand out the funds on Mondays,” Nayeon rolls her eyes.

You sigh tiredly. “Sometimes, I really hate this school.” You groan and Nayeon just laughs, soon making you laugh along with her. As much as you want to thrash around, there’s nothing you can do since the school’s pretty firm when it comes to their conditions.

“So what will we do about this?” Nayeon asks, going back to business mode.

You purse your lips in thought before nodding. “We’ll just use whatever funds we have for now, we can have it reimbursed later on,” you answer and Nayeon nods.

She steps closer and gives you a hug. “I have to go make a few calls with the booths that’ll be setting up next week. I’ll see you around, Y/N!” Nayeon runs off again and you shout out a ‘bye!’ after her.

You turn around and continue your walk to your locker, immediately punching your code in tiredly. You sigh and get your journal out, when a bright pink sticky note catches your eye on the front cover.

You scrunch your eyebrows in confusion because you don’t remember putting it there the day before or earlier at all. You only usually did that when you have urgent matters to attend to and you’re in a rush that you don’t have time to open your journal.

A confused smile makes its way onto your face when you read the handwriting and realize it’s not yours. It’s your boyfriend’s.

hit me up when you’re free, i need to see ü. luv u babe(๑･̑◡･̑๑)

You giggle at the cute drawing, closing your locker shut. You take your phone out from the coat pocket of your uniform. You check the time and it’s only 8:30 am.

While you’d much rather go see your boyfriend, you still had to put the school over him right now. Taehyung can wait.

You check your clipboard and cross out the things you’ve already done. You still have a lot left to do. You take a quick glance at your phone lockscreen— it was a dorky pic of you and Taehyung when you first got together last year. Instantly, you’re filled with motivation and tell yourself to push through the entire day.

The hours fly by quickly and before you know it, it’s already around 3:30 pm. Most of your tasks for the day were done, and you only had an hour before school lets out.

You look down and see Taehyung’s sticky note still on the front cover of your journal. Scanning through your notes, you notice that you loaded yourself with too much tasks — some of it could’ve waited until tomorrow. Biting your lip, you decide to be a little bit selfish today.

You drop your stuff inside your locker and without a second thought — just so you don’t change your mind anymore, you take your phone out again and type out a message to Taehyung.

You: heeeey, I just finished my to-do list for today. Can we meet up? :3

Not long after you hit send, your phone beeps with Taehyung’s message.

my vantae♡: sure, im just developing a few more photos. im in the dark room :))

You: omw <3

my vantae♡: luv uuuuu

You: luv u too !

“You guys are so cheesy,” Jimin slings an arm around your shoulders and your throw your head back as you give him a side glance, glaring at him. Jimin pulls you with him and you start walking to the dark room.

“Oh shush, you’re the reason why we’re even together,” you jab his side with your finger and a laugh escapes from the adorable male beside you.

“So what are you lovebirds up to?” Jimin walks with you, looking over your shoulder to criticize your texts with Taehyung.

“I’m going to meet up with him in the dark room,” you lock your phone and put it back in your pocket as Jimin wiggles his eyebrows suggestively.

“Dark room, eh?” You bump your hip with his, catching him off guard with the force and making him stumble to the side, momentarily bringing you along with him. You groan at your best friend’s antics and he just laughs at your reaction.

“He probably wants me to take a look at the photos for the event next week,” you reason and Jimin nods, a weird look on his to tell you that he’s clearly unconvinced.

“I know Taehyung, Y/N. But, okay sure. I’ll leave you guys to it. I have to go meet up with the hyungs. I need to confirm their setlist for next week,” Jimin tells you.

Jimin was talking about the legendary alumni of your school — Kim Seokjin, Min Yoongi, Jung Hoseok and Kim Namjoon. They were fairly huge now with their music, and you wanted to invite them back for the anniversary.

“Okay, let me know how it goes.” You smile at your best friend and Jimin gives you a side hug.

“Say hi to Taehyung for me!” Jimin dashes off, again, and you shake your head, smiling.

You continue your trip to the dark room, looking down at your uniform as you tried to smooth out the creases that got all crumpled up with you running around all day. You fix your blouse and in the middle of tucking it in nicely, someone pulls you to the side.

Suddenly all you can see is darkness and —

“Taehyung?” Your eyes adjust to the dark room and you can faintly smell dust in the air, making you realize where you were: in the janitor’s closet.

How cliché.

“Hey, Y/N,” his deep, playful voice fills your ears and a smile creeps up your face.

“I missed you all day,” you lean into him and you take in his musky scent and the warmth of his body. Taehyung wraps his arms around you in a tight hug and all the stress and exhaustion from the day’s activities leave your body in an instant.

“Well, you were busy and I didn’t want to interrupt you and add to your stress,” Taehyung answers, kissing the top of your head.

Guilt washes over you and you pull away from the hug to look at him. Well, try to.

You cup his cheek and he immediately leans in to your touch, gazing at you with such an intensity you’re scared to look away.

“I’m sorry for being such a bad girlfriend lately. I’ve been neglecting you for the past two weeks now,” you apologize, rubbing his cheek with your thumb gently.

“It’s okay, Y/N. I understand.” Taehyung smiles at you and he leans in, kissing you softly.

You respond to the kiss beforing answering, “No, listen, Tae. I should’ve given you more attention, I should’ve—”

He cuts you off with another kiss, longer this time and with more force. You can never resist Taehyung’s kisses, and soon your arms are crawling up his chest, where they soon rest on his shoulders.

When you both pull away, you’re out of breath. You try to make out your boyfriend’s face in the dark room; even in this darkness, you can still trace the curve of his jaw, the slope of his nose, the curl of his eyelashes, and the oh, so perfect shape of his lips.

Without another word, Taehyung leans in again, knocking the wind out of your lungs when he presses his lips to yours in a needy kiss. Your hands come to connect behind the nape of his neck, loosely playing with the ends of his hair. Taehyung moves impossibly closer to you, pressing you against the door, trapping you with his arms on both sides of your head. His right leg pushes in between your legs so he can move closer.

Detaching his lips from yours, he makes his way down to your jaw, then to your neck where he presses feather-like kisses all over.

Your hands move up to his hair, and you soon feel Taehyung mark a spot just below your collarbone.

“Tae, people are gonna see,” you manage to let out, and he shakes his head, tickling your skin as he continues to kiss you. “It’s covered underneath your blouse and coat,” Taehyung murmurs and you can just sigh.

When he’s done, Taehyung goes back up and captures your lips in another kiss, nibbling your lower lip softly, asking for access. You give in, and your legs soon start to feel like jelly. Before your legs can give out underneath you, Taehyung wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you flush against him.

The room is dark, but with you in Taehyung’s arms like that, it’s never been so vibrant.

When he finally pulls away, you’re both breathing heavily. Licking your bruised lips, you ask, “What was that for?”

Taehyung cups your face with both hands, stroking the apples of your cheeks gently as he gazed down at you.

“I just missed you, that’s all,” he replies simply, and you smile at him. He smiles back.

“I’m sorry for being so busy, I just wanted everything to be perfect for the event,” you apologize yet again and Taehyung shakes his head.

“I understand, love. There’s no need for you to explain. You shouldn’t even be in this closet with me right now, yeah? You should be out there, doing stuff for the event,” Taehyung remarks and this time, it’s your turn to shake your head.

You stand up on your toes and plant a soft kiss on the tip of his nose.

“That can wait. Right now, I’m going to put the guy I love first.”

Taehyung giggles softly, kissing every spot on your face, making you smile. “Jimin’s going to tease you if he hears you.”

“He’s been teasing me since this morning,” you respond and Taehyung nuzzles his nose with yours.

“But I’m cool with it because if it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t be here with you,” you confess and Taehyung kisses you gently.

“I love you, my President.”

You give him a gentle smile and stepping away from you, Taehyung takes your hand in his, lacing your fingers together.

“Come on. As much as I love being here in this closet with you, it’s starting to tickle my nose,” he admits, making you giggle.

“Oh yeah, why are we here? Weren’t you supposed to be printing out some photos in the dark room?” You ask and Taehyung laughs sheepishly.

“I was done an hour ago.”

You slap his shoulder and he laughs. “Tae! Jimin knew this was going to happen,” you mutter.

“Well, that just proves he knows me too well,” Taehyung responds and you shake your head fondly, smiling at him.

“Let’s go get some ice cream, yeah?” You rub his knuckles softly.

Taehyung’s boxy smile graces his features. “I’m fine with anything, as long as it’s with you.”

Taehyung opens the door and light fills your eyes when you both step out.

“You’re cheesy, Kim Taehyung.”

“I know.”

⇒ let me know what you think or hmu with anything under the sun here!

Aten Pt. 4

Onwards we go with this story, where it ends...well I think I’m supposed to know. But we aren’t done yet, I know that much. Got a bit more in me for this one!

Based Ahk’s footwear in part of this off of these: https://www.ysl.com/us/shop-product/men/shoes-sandals-culver-sandals-in-smooth-leather_cod11808611cu.html#dept=men_nouveautes

Also, you may notice in this that I took some liberty with historical accuracy and also accuracy on things like metal-working. Normally, I’d have found a way to make it work, but also that version of things majorly ruined it here, if I’m honest. No one except a few people want to read like...the history of metal-working (me lmao.) So I sort of dipped over and around all that and made it work so we wouldn’t lose the plot as much, hopefully it worked out okay!

My love to all who read/like/reblog!

“I don’t miss this bit.” 

Aten laughed, then sniffled as they snuggled in bed, the sun trickling in through the small window of the bedroom. “Morning breath? Feeling groggy?” 

Ahk nodded, and cuddled closer into Aten’s shoulder. “Do we have to get up?” 

“Not yet. I’m skipping classes today since I still feel gross, so there’s no rush to be anywhere.” 

And that was perhaps the best thing he had heard in ages as he let Aten hold him close, until the sun hit his skin.

He couldn’t help it; it had been so long. He was out of bed like a shot, opening the blinds and letting the sun hit him fully. At some point, they’d both stripped out of their shirts, and the warmth on all that bare skin was overwhelming. 

He didn’t realize that he’d dropped to his knees, or that he was crying until he felt Aten’s arms around him, pulling him up and holding him tight. 

“Hey, it’s okay. You’re okay. Larry told me about the tablet, what can happen, but you said you have it switched so you’re safe, remember? And you are, you’re just fine.” 

“I know,” he couldn’t fight back the sobs. “But I had forgotten. It’s so warm, so bright. I didn’t realize how much I missed it until now.” 

Aten led him into the living room, where he pulled aside the other set of blinds so the room was flooded with sunlight, and he lost himself for a good few minutes. 

He thought only of the opera then, of Akhenaten, who had raised ire in his monotheistic worship of the sun, and while he couldn’t necessarily justify all that had happened during the other pharaoh's reign, he could in that moment understand the elation, the joy of it, could see why the Aten had captured him so strongly. 

Especially because as he found himself at the window, on his knees, bent over so his head was at the floor, in a worshiping position he hadn’t taken for literally thousands of years, the Aten warming his living skin, his Aten was beside him in a similar pose. 

He knew it was incredibly unlikely that his Aten followed anything like the religion his people had in the past, but that he would join him, would try, would sit in the moment of ecstasy and happiness with him, made him weep with joy even harder. 

It was at least a half hour, even after he’d sat back up, Aten again pulling him close, before he was back to himself again, able to speak. 

“Thank you. You didn’t have to, and I can’t imagine the sun made you feel better, ah, you should be in bed sleeping still-” 

“I’m all good,” Aten said softly. “I should thank you. That was...I don’t know how to describe it, it felt powerful and cleansing and I’ve never...I’m not a religious guy, but that was...I just feel really good right now, and kind of emotional and...yeah.” 

The ringing of Aten’s phone interrupted their smiles and giggles, and he was reluctant to let Aten go to answer it. 

“We gotta go,” Aten said. “C’mon. Uh...shoot. We should really shower, but I told Larry we’d be right over...fuck.” 

“What?” 

“I guess he sent a photo of the tablet to the restoration dude? And he’s freaking out because he doesn’t think he can fix it without possibly making it worse or breaking another part of it, so Larry is freaking out and he’s thinking you’ll freak out, and now I’m freaking out and-” 

“Okay, just...stop using that phrase for a moment,” Ahk soothed. 

“I’m sorry, I’m frea-” 

“I know, it’s okay,” Ahk said, interrupting Aten before he could wind up again. “This isn’t great news but..I’ve had this idea. In my head since we met, and I think it could work. But you’re right, we’ll need to be with the tablet, with Larry to help us. I’ll also need some tools and gold...I can melt down some of the other artifacts probably, they’re basically mine at this point...” 

“Ahk!” 

“What? They are, and do you know how much is in storage at the museum? They won’t notice it missing, and it should be in a museum back in my home anyway, but I digress,” Ahk tutted. “We reused things all the time back at home, if we needed the raw materials for something else.” 

“I...that’s a fair point. It kind of goes against everything I’ve been learning, to destroy an artifact,” Aten sighed. 

“I know. But I’m going to use it all to make a new one, and fix the tablet. And the new one will be for us only. Text Larry, tell him we’re going to get cleaned up and ready, then we’ll be over. Tell him to have a coffee or something, get breakfast and stop freaking out.” 

Aten nodded before dashing off to the shower, then immediately coming back out of it. “Water won’t work.” 

“Sorry?” 

He shrugged. “There’s no water! I’ll have to call my landlord...” 

“If this works,” Ahk said gently. “Then we are moving somewhere nicer. I’ll figure it out, we just are.” 

“What do you have...” 

“Go get dressed,” Ahk instructed with a smile. “I’ll just stay in this, since I don’t really have anything else.” 

“My closet is open,” Aten said, then sniffled, and Ahk felt bad making him leave when he still wasn’t feeling well. 

“You surprise me then. Grab me something too, and I’ll wear it. I trust your judgement.” 

He sat with the pen and paper from his bag as Aten dashed off again to the bedroom, and started his work. He was far from an expert in this, and it had to be done just right, just so. 

But he was feeling confident. If this worked, they would both benefit, even if their relationship ever ended. 

***

At the museum, Larry was a wreck, standing in front of Ahk’s exhibit, where a ‘under construction’ sign had been placed. 

“What took you so long?” 

“We had to get dressed,” Ahk said, and watched as Larry’s eyes widened and took in the sight in front of him. 

Aten, as it turned out, had a variety of nice things hidden in his closet that he wore when he wasn’t in class or sitting at home, and while some of it was baggy on Ahk, it was better than walking around in sweats 24/7.  

A loose soft black tank top, with a white linen shirt unbuttoned over it and acid-washed skinny jeans that were tight enough he’d struggled to get them on even with Aten’s help, plus a pair of sandals that Aten had told him he certainly didn’t have to wear, there was a reason they’d stayed at the back of his closet for so long. But Ahk liked them. They were gaudy and plain brown leather with an odd set of straps, and utterly unlike anything he’d worn before, and now he found he didn’t want to take them off. 

“You...certainly did. But we’ve gotta figure this out, now, because I can’t keep the rest of the staff off of your exhibit for much longer, and the restoration expert wants me to like, quarantine your exhibit and I really need to sleep and-” 

“Breathe. I’ve got an idea. But I do need your help, and then I promise after we’ve fixed this you can go home and sleep,” Ahk interrupted, placing a hand on Larry’s shoulder. “Go get the tablet. I’m going to sneak into the back storage and get some of the artifacts I know won’t be missed.” 

Larry stared at him blankly. “Why?” 

“You’ll see later. And then Aten here is going to see if his college has access to the tools I need, and I believe it does?” 

Aten nodded, then shook his head. “Like...like a forge? I don’t know if...no, mine doesn’t, but I think Buffalo State does, or they offer something to do with metal working? But that’s six hours away.” 

“Road trip it is, then!” Ahk smiled, and left them to it as he wandered down the halls towards the storage area. 

Luckily, it was empty of any other staff as he strode through the Egyptology section, taking whatever smaller and insignificant trinkets he could find, offering up a silent prayer and thanks to wherever the object’s owner was in the afterlife for letting him use it. He didn’t need a lot, just enough to execute his plan and fix the original tablet. 

Even so, the clinking of the artifacts in the backpack borrowed from Aten was loud as he joined Aten and Larry outside of the museum. 

“Why...why is the tablet in a plastic bag?” 

“I couldn’t find anything else!” Larry fussed. “We gotta go, before they notice-” 

“They won’t, it’s fine,” Aten said. “I sort of...wrote a note. As if it was from the restoration expert. They probably don’t remember what his handwriting looks like, right?” 

“What did you say in it?” Ahk asked, smiling at Aten’s blushing. 

“That we took it to be fixed elsewhere because we needed special tools, but that it would be returned as soon as possible, and also that he came back just for this because of his dedication to your exhibit. So, as long as nobody calls him and finds out he’s still not in the city, it’ll be fine.” 

Larry sighed miserably. “This is not fine. This was the game plan?!”

“It’s all going to be fine. Just...don’t drop that,” Ahk said, carefully watching the strain of the tablet’s weight in the bag. “Maybe hold it just...normally. Not with the handles?” 

Larry looked down at the bag and nodded. “Right. Now, we do have better news than us trying to drive six hours away.” 

“One of my friends on the way out of town does metal-working, he said we can borrow his stuff,” Aten said cheerfully. “I know it isn’t like, top grade, but the other option is that we sneak onto a campus...six hours away...” 

“That’s fair,” Ahk said. “I’m not “top grade” either, when it comes to this. If my father knew I’d learned anything of metal work of any sort...” 

“You could have learned how to weave and pissed him and like, literally everyone else off too,” Aten replied. 

Ahk smiled softly. “I did, but only my mother knew about that.” 

He laughed as Aten held his hand up for a high five, while Larry cocked his head like a confused dog. 

“Is this some...academic joke, thing? It is, isn’t it? Ya know, just because I haven’t had time to read all those plaques in there, and the pamphlets, and whatever-” 

“Larry, it’s fine. In my time, weaving was usually restricted to women, and things like metal-working to those not living in a palace. That’s all,” Ahk interrupted his rant before it could start. “We should get going. You need sleep.” 

Larry simply nodded, and they piled into the cab that had pulled up near them, honking incessantly, that Ahk figured Aten and Larry must have called.

It was a shorter ride than he’d expected to the home of Aten’s friend, who didn’t question anything of what they were doing, somehow. He simply smiled, led them to his equipment in his garage and showed the rest in the backyard, and left them to it. 

“You two go rest; you both need it,” he instructed, taking the tablet from Larry as he took in the equipment. It was more modern than what he was used to, not by much (the craft could only change so much, after all), but enough that he was slightly nervous he might fail. 

But he couldn’t. 

And as Larry and Aten left him to rest on the backyard furniture, he convinced himself he wouldn’t. 

Even as it felt dicey, melting down the other artifacts and working to repair the tablet, his linen shirt tossed aside away from the work area, his tank top tucked into his jeans so he might not somehow manage to set himself on fire (he counted out not a single horrible possibility; it had been so long since he’d done it all.) Even as he worked to create the other two new artifacts, mini-tablets, sized just right to be worn as a necklace. One for him, and one for Aten. 

It took the day, and by the end of it all he was a messy; sweaty and tired and half afraid he’d somehow messed up, and he wasn’t even really done yet. 

“Larry,” he called as he brought the tablet back over. “Be careful with it. It’s hardened, but...just be careful with it for the next few hours to be safe.” 

Larry, with his mouth open, drool falling from it, didn’t stir. Nor did Aten, in a similar pose. It was almost artful, the way they mirrored each other in lounging and snoring volume, but Ahk was too tired to appreciate it for more than a moment.

“Okay. That’s fine, I’ll tell you later,” he sighed, gently setting the tablet on the small open part of the concrete slab the furniture was on, so it might not be disturbed, putting the two mini tablets beside it. 

As he dropped near the concrete slab into the grass, he heard a laugh. 

“All done?” 

Aten’s friend was leaned out of the back sliding door of the house, and shook his head at the scene. “They passed out literally before you were even a foot away, you know that right? I knew Tristan was sick, but what about that one?” 

Ahk looked to Larry and chuckled. “Night shift.” 

The friend nodded, and strode out to join him on the grass. “I used to do that. No wonder he’s whipped, if he came straight here.” 

“He did. Larry’s a good friend,” Ahk said softly. He’d really only ended up needing Larry along to transport the tablet, and he felt a bit bad now, having dragged him with when he was clearly exhausted. “So is Aten. A good...” 

“Boyfriend? He is, but he’s always had shit taste in men,” the friend laughed. “Except for now.” 

“I pass your test then,” Ahk said. “Good to hear,....” 

“Owen. And yeah, thus far, you have. He absolutely raves about you, man. I mean, look. I was married once, before I went back to school, and met Tris-Aten. And even at our most in love, I can’t think of a time I raved about my husband like that. I know you two haven’t been together long, but...I think it’s a good sign. He finally found someone good for him.” 

Ahk nodded. “And I for myself. I certainly hope he’ll find what I’ve done good for him.” 

Owen raised an eyebrow, and gestured to the tablets. “Larry and Aten told me a little bit of what was going on, some wild shit. Presuming they weren’t fucking with me about the magic stuff-” 

“All true,” Ahk said. “And the smaller two there? After I can perform the right spell in the moonlight tonight, and then one tomorrow in the morning, they’ll be just as much magic, and grant Aten and I the ultimate gift.” 

“...the big tablet brings you to life, and is what keeps you alive,” Owen said slowly. 

Ahk nodded. 

“So the little ones are gonna...no fucking way.” 

“Fucking way,” Ahk smiled. “It can be changed, of course, if a certain small square on the tablet is turned. If either of us would tire of living. But I can’t imagine I ever will, so long as I’m with him. I just hope he feels the same.” 

Owen’s gaze was soft, gentle as he chuckled. “I’m pretty positive he does. Doesn’t mean there won’t be ups and downs, I’ll tell you that now. Nothing is ever that easy. But if you’re for real, and you guys have all of time to like, talk shit out and work out arguments and all that...then I think you’ll have a fantastic time together, while the rest of us are long gone and rotting.” 

“You’re much too poetic to be an archaeology major,” Ahk smirked.

“Not sure if that’s a compliment or a dig, or both, but thanks,” Owen laughed. “And I’m not, actually. English major who needs more credits, got offered the chance to take some lower and mid-level courses in other program areas, and suddenly there I am watching a bunch of guys like Aten freak out over bones and junk. You gotta come to class one day and watch him, it’s the dorkiest shit, but the best.” 

“I’d like that,” Ahk said, and meant every bit of it. The idea of getting to watch Aten in his element, learning and sharing knowledge and being adorable the whole time, was a beautiful one. 

“I’m gonna drag these guys inside, if you wanna help,” Owen said, and gestured to the still-snoring pair nearly falling off of the lawn furniture. “Then you can do your thing out here once the moon comes out, and come bed down yourself. You guys are welcome to stay into tomorrow too; this was always too much house for me, so someone has to enjoy all the space.” 

He let Owen literally tackle Larry, who seemed as reluctant to move or wake as Ahk figured possible. 

Aten wasn’t much different, even when Ahk pressed soft kisses to his neck. 

“Hm? You done already? That was fast,” Aten slurred as he rubbed at his eyes. 

“Darling, it’s nearly nine at night,” Ahk whispered. “Come on. Owen has offered us shelter for the night and into tomorrow, and you need an actual bed.” 

“You gonna be in it?” 

“Later, sure. I’ve got one last thing to do to the tablets, then I’ll be in,” Ahk smiled. 

“Tablets?” 

His breath froze in his throat. He’d hoped Aten would be tired enough to not ask about it until the next day. 

“Yes. I fixed the original, and with the rest of the gold, I-just come look.” 

He led Aten to the tablets, and put the one bearing his name, both his legal name and nickname, into Aten’s hand. 

“For me? This is cool,” Aten said as he turned it around in his hands, examining the delicate and careful hieroglyphs Ahk had painstakingly inscribed into the gold. “Wait, lemme test out my language skills here. No laughing if I get it wrong! Okay, so...oh, there’s my name! And my nickname, neat. And...” 

Aten’s eyes bulged, and Ahk swore his heart had ceased beating yet again.

“Immortality. If I’ve got this right, and please tell me right now if I don’t, I turn this little panel in the upper left, and the same sort of magic that keeps you alive in the day and night, will make me...” 

Ahk nodded. “I know, this is perhaps the most forward and way too forward of a thing to do. But...even if we’d ever part ways, I’d want you to have it. To have the option, the choice. No one else has this, except for me, and I-I don’t want it to be that way. I want to share it, with someone I want to share everything with.” 

Aten’s eyes were still wide. 

“Please don’t be mad,” he found himself whispering.

“Mad?” Aten scoffed. “Are you kidding? This is...holy shit! This is the coolest, and that isn’t even scratching the surface. It’s amazing! I mean, look, I’ve had past boyfriends try and find cool shit to get me, but no one ever hand made me something that could make me immortal. Like, the bar was never that high of course, because none of them could do that, but...I love it. I love you. I think I’m gonna cry.” 

He already was as he hugged Ahk, who found himself crying too. “Oh thank goodness. I was terrified you might be upset, or not like it, or something. I still have to finish the spells on them, but after that, they’ll be ready to go. I had to alter the original just a bit too, in order for mine to work.” 

“How so?” 

Ahk sighed. “Well. I have it written on the original now that the magic will only apply to the inhabitants of the museum from tomorrow forward. It ends for myself an hour or so after the sun is fully risen tomorrow, then the magic from my new little tablet here takes over; which is why I have to stay up and get these two ready.” 

 “I’ll stay up with you,” Aten said through a yawn. 

Ahk took the tablet from him and left both of them by the big one on the ground as he led Aten towards the house. “No, you’re going to sleep. You need it.” 

“It isn’t fair, that you should have to stay up late on one of the first nights you actually get to sleep,” Aten protested. “Let me stay up with you.” 

“Tell you what,” Ahk said as they walked quietly through the house, past Larry draped on the living room couch, and passed a closed bedroom door where he figured Owen was. A sign, handwritten and taped on the wall, directed them to the guest room. “You can make it up to me in a few days when you’re well again, and can keep me up all night long, just you and me.” 

Aten smiled and sighed as he sat on the bed in the guest room. “You can’t tease me with that and just go.” 

“Have to, my love. The night is clear, and I need the moon for this to work, and I can’t keep her waiting,” Ahk said. “Rest easy; you get to watch me walk away. It’ll give you good dreams.” 

“Cheeky,” Aten giggled, and Ahk carried the sound with him as he went back outside, fetching his linen shirt from where he’d forgotten it in the garage and closing the garage door before heading to the tablets.

This bit, at least, was easy. The words came quickly, and he could feel the magic surge as he worked, the moonlight soft on his skin. He was no priest, nothing like the men who’d worked on the original tablet, but he got the sense the gods weren’t so picky anymore. The world had changed, and so had worship, and any tie to what had been before was grabbed tightly. It was a nice, if somewhat odd feeling, a shock of power and pure emotions leaving him a bit shaken as he finished the spells on all three tablets; new spells for the new two, and an update to the original. 

He sat in the moonlight then, willing himself to stay awake even as his eyes screamed for sleep. It was almost a good feeling, to be tired, to actually need sleep. At the same time, it was a battle he couldn’t lose, he reminded himself as he lay back on one of the lawn lounge chairs. 

He could just rest his eyes for a moment, nothing more.

Just a moment.

15. Who in the Hell Left the Gate Open?

Pushing out chapters pretty quickly. Finna go to sleep. Hope to wake up to feedback. I know Jasper’s been a little bit infuriating the last couple of chapters, but he is my baby and I will defend him. Mistakes were mad and in the words of @chenoahchantel “I’m mad at everybody”  Lmao. Enjoy or be enraged. Idk...

Who in the Hell Left the Gate Open?

“Do you remember when you told me that you would never take me for granted?” Charlotte asked, early into sophomore year. 

Jasper was on the couch in his dorm, editing a video and gave her a weird glance before asking, “Do you feel like I’ve taken you for granted?”

She folded her arms and shook her head, speaking angrily through her teeth, “Do not do that. If I ask you a question, I expect your answer. Don’t ask me a question back. Answer MY question before you go posing questions of your own!”

Jasper’s eyes went wide and he set his laptop aside, now sure that he was in trouble for something and guilty that he’d obviously upset her. “I’m sorry,” he said, getting up and coming over to her. He rubbed her arms, to try to comfort her, “Of course I remember. That was our first time. It was magical. All I wanted to do was make you happy and give you the world. I said more than that. I said that I would never hurt you, take advantage of you, or take you for granted, and I meant that. If I’ve mistakenly done any of that, that’s the part that I didn’t mean… Are you okay?”

Her eyes were damp and he was trying not to panic, but he had never seen this look in them before, so he didn’t know what that meant. Then, he was worried because he usually always knew what Charlotte’s looks meant, even down to the smallest curves up her lips, up or down, he knew when it was disdain, disgust, desire or delight. “I’ve made a terrible mistake,” she said, shaking her head. “I made a decision to give so much of my heart to you that I didn’t think of how much I needed for myself. You were dealt a bad hand and I’ve done everything that I can to convince you that I love you, anyway, even if you thought that nobody else did. I wanted you to be happy, so I’ve tried to make you happy, and I miscalculated what would do that. I thought that because praise seems to be your love language that I alone could compliment you and you’d feel amazing and you’d love me for that…” Her voice was breaking and so was his heart. Why did she sound like that? What was she saying?

“I do, so, SO much…”

“Let me!”She finally unfolded her arms, to raise a finger to stop him from begging her not to do this… what it sounded like she was about to do to him… “You needed so much validation, and for years, the people you cared about didn’t regularly grant you that and I knew, I knew, that I was one of these guilty parties that didn’t build you up. I wanted to try to rectify that…” She wiped a tear with the back of her hand, “I wanted to be loving to you and whenever you became this larger than life presence, I tried not to be jealous and I tried not to dampen things for you. You deserved the attention. You deserve that kind of love, you know?” Her face was distorted in pain. Jasper covered his own with both of his hands. He couldn’t think right now. His head was throbbing and his eyes were burning. What the fuck had he done to upset her this much? She looked like she was going to collapse and he knew that somehow, this was his fault. She was saying it was hers, but that couldn’t be right. She was just trying to be kind to him again. He’d fucked up and she was about to dump him for it… “Whenever you blew up on Henry a few months ago…” He looked up at her again. If this had anything to do with Henry, he was going to put his fist through a wall. “I probably should have come after you. Maybe I triggered a defense mechanism or, or  SOMETHING!” Her hands tried to clench the air in front of her, hoping to pluck the words for the feelings that were tearing her apart. “But, after that night, it went even darker. I’d come into a room and you’d be there, and it used to be that even if the room was full, we were the only people there. The room was always full… But I was the only person there. I made a mistake. I pushed you away, I guess? I just… I can’t be in a room with you and be alone. I hate it. I hate looking at you and seeing how happy everyone makes you and not knowing how to be a part of that anymore.” She clasped her hands together and shrugged her shoulders, “I thought of the two of us that I was the stronger one, because I’d had a stronger foundation. I thought I could handle these changes. But, now I have to be strong enough to let you know that I have to feel loved too, and I don’t have fans or friends here… So, it’s up to me, and I think it’s best that I figure this out and give you the space to grow into this supernova that I see in front of me…”

Jasper clenched his fists, his entire body shaking and turned a bright red color as he nodded his head and lied, "I want you to do whatever you think is best for you." She nodded, wishing deep down that he had fought her on it, a little bit more, but trying to tell herself that the mature thing to do was accept how much he was trying to make this easier on her. He looked like a different person. She could hardly recognize him as he tried to collect himself. But, when she made it to the door and moved to open it, he reflexively stopped her.

He shut it with his foot, placed his shaking hands together like a prayer and begged her in a whisper, "Please don't do this." 

"Jasper."

"I'm sorry. I tried to just let you walk away, but I'm begging you not to. I know that I never even deserved you in the first place and I should just be grateful that you ever saw anything in me, but… don't you love me? Didn't I at least earn that in all this time?"

"You know the answer to that."

"Can I show you something? Let me go get it. Please. And if it doesn't matter, I'll get out of your way forever and let you live your life without me."

"I'm not doing anything on a whim, Jasper. I've thought about this. I've tortured myself with making this decision. I didn't make it lightly."

"Please, Dear God - just a couple of minutes!"

"Okay. But whatever you have doesn't change what I've told you."

He rushed to get a small locking journal and opened it with a key on his keychain of keys. "I have a crappy laptop and I'm always breaking my phone, so I put this on paper, to make sure that I don't lose the information." He showed her a page, "It's my life goals. I started this whenever we got together." He flipped some pages for her. "It's so that I could try to be the man that I thought that you'd want and need me to be for you." She looked at it and read in handwriting that she knew very well from years of Robin’s Telling, Interesting ways to make Charlotte feel beautiful, that she’ll appreciate. And it was numbered and in the margins, he had checks and X’s, because obviously, some things had worked and some hadn’t. He was pretty hit or miss with ideas, but just the fact that he’d been doing this when she was thinking that he wasn’t paying any attention to her..."I just need you to tell me that you still love me and I didn't fuck this up."

"I will always love you. And you didn't fuck this up.." She honestly said. That only made her feel worse.  WHY couldn’t she just be the strong person that she wanted to be? Why did she need his validation so much, suddenly? Was it her jealousy or had he really been neglecting her?

"I know I'm not meeting your standards. I know I'm not perfect and I know that even if I did everything in here, I still may never be good enough, but… I just have to know… don't you even think that maybe I'm worth trying to work it out with?" 

She was crying now, reading: Make sure to do whatever I have to to make Charlotte feel like I love her with all my heart, everyday. She nodded. "Yeah, you're worth trying to work it out with." She said and dropped her bag onto the floor. 

"You… does that mean you're staying?" He asked, apprehensive, trembling uncontrollably. Too scared to get excited without her approval. She nodded. She couldn't form words. Jasper dropped his journal to scoop her up into a hug and hold her closely to himself. He was still shaking in terror. She was sobbing against his chest. "I'll do better. I'll be better. I promise. I don't care what it takes."  

… Perhaps… A little rewind is in order?

FRESHMAN SUMMER

Jasper changed shifts at the home improvement shop to a full time, daytime summer gig, so that he had his evenings free for practices, parties and the parlour. Charlotte was in class during the day, and on Tuesday and Thursday evenings, so they had plenty of time together. It was going fine, good even at times. She thought that maybe they had gotten over the hiccup with Henry and that whole mess, but even though he said that he texted Henry and apologized and that they were “fine,” she knew that they weren’t good, because they weren’t talking. Whenever Henry visited, Jasper would always invite Casper along, like he needed someone else there to have fun with… which made it feel like an awkward double date. Awkward because Henry and Jasper were supposed to be best friends and Charlotte was supposed to be Jasper’s girlfriend! Henry didn’t want to bring it up since he and Jasper “were fine,” so whenever the four of them crashed at the frat house, Charlotte insisted that she and Jasper slept in his room alone and that the other two went and found an empty room or they could fight over the couch. She and Jasper went to bed, Casper crashed on the couch and Henry pulled into the bed on the other side of Jasper. Jasper didn’t have a problem with it. He was between them and it was fine. 

But, Casper was sprawled on the couch, topless with boxers on and Charlotte felt taken aback that she was that comfortable. “How often does she go around topless around you?” She squealed, before Henry and Casper could even leave the room good. 

“I don’t know. It’s a regular thing for her. She does that wherever. She’s been spoken to by the league for it on multiple occasions.” Charlotte was even angrier that Jasper wasn’t taking her frustrations about this seriously, but felt like he really did seem oblivious as to why it was a problem for her.

“I don’t care if she walks into CLASS like that, she’s NOT allowed to do it in here. In fact, I don’t even feel comfortable with you hanging out with her in here by yourselves now. Does she play video games like that?” 

“I think you’re…”

“I’d you say overreacting, my reaction will be to punch you right in the nutsack!”

“God!” He said, cuffing his jewels, “I was gonna say misinterpreting…” Charlotte went on screaming and losing her mind with Jasper trying to talk her down up until he must’ve succeeded, because Henry and Casper heard them… making up… 

Casper smiled and fist pumped the air, “My nigga Big Dog!” She said.

Henry gasped clutched his shirt. “You… SAY that?” He asked.

She laughed and shook her head, “Please don’t tell me that you’re gonna go off on a tangent about how I can’t say that around you, because I’ve already heard that from him and you can just say ditto.”

“You ABSOLUTELY can’t say that around me!” Henry said, disgusted. “How dare you!” She laughed, unsure if he was serious. He positively was.

“Look, I grew up around nothing but Black people and I have them in my family and stuff. It’s not a big deal to any of them…”

“I’m not them. You’d better be glad that Jasper didn’t tell Charlotte you’ve said that around him. And honestly… I can’t believe he still hangs out with you!” 

“He knows that I didn’t mean it like that, and I’ve never repeated it since he was so damn offended, like you’re acting like now.” she rolled her eyes.

“What are you like the girl variant of fuckboy?”

“Wouldn’t that just be fuckgirl?” She wondered.

“I guess you would know. That’s clearly your tribe.”

She shrugged, “Like your tribe is Team Abandon Jasper?” 

Now… Henry wasn’t the type to hit a girl, but he was ready to punch this one right between the eyes. She was a tall, athletic type with tone muscles and a flat chest. She almost coul;d pass for a boy. He really should probably talk himself out of socking her in the nose. Charlotte came out of Jasper’s room all happy looking, glared at Casper and asked, “Why are you still here?”

“My shoes are in there, Chica,” She said and went inside. 

“What, you grew up around a bunch of Latinx people too?” Henry called out. Whenever she was getting her shoes, Henry whispered, “She said the N word to me!” Charlotte gasped and turned around, ready to pounce on her. 

Jasper stopped her and said, “Let her go.”

“Let her go? Henry said she said the N word, I should be letting her have it. YOU should be letting her have it!”

“She didn’t mean it like that,” Jasper said. Henry scratched the back of his neck. “Her Black people let her say that around them like affectionately, and she forgets that not everyone is okay with that. It’s not like that guy that accosted you that time.”

“Unfuckingbelievable,” Charlotte said. “You just pulled your penis out of me and had best believed, you won’t be doing that any time soon!” She looked furious, gathering her things. She was madder about that than the tittygate from before. “And just so YOU know, from now on, the Black people get to decide if it’s okay and my Black ass says NO. NEVER. I don’t give a damn what her shucking jiving ass friends said. And if I see her around here, it’s going down. And if I see her with you outside of a game or practice, you can just take your dick to her.” 

She stormed off and Jasper asked Henry, “Did you do that on purpose?”

“I didn’t do anything.”

“Why would you tell her that? You know that Casper didn’t mean it like that.”

“Man, fuck Casper. She’s trash.”

“I’m a trash magnet,” Jasper said and shook his head, chasing after Charlotte. “Char! Char, please!” He caught her from behind in an embrace and she honestly couldn’t fathom what he thought that he was going to say to fix that. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you or make it seem like I didn’t think this was serious. Honestly, whenever I heard her say that, I blew up. I cussed her out, I threatened her. I lost it. Okay? It felt wrong, and I reacted. But, then she and everybody else started explaining to me that I was overreacting, so I believed them. I didn’t think that all of them were wrong and I was somehow right…”

“Who is everybody else?” She asked.

“The team.”

“So, all of those white dudes that you spend hours and hours with convinced you that it was okay for her to say something that you know people have called me to make me cry? And you didn’t think to ask me? Or mention it to me?”

“I thought that bringing it up to you would hurt you for no reason. She’d never say that to you, knowing how I feel about it.”

“You are still missing the point… Jasper… Don’t you want kids with me? You think I’d make kids with somebody trying to explain to me why a word weaponized against me, against them isn’t that bad because she said it in a certain way?”

“No. This is all really making me realize I am an idiot and it’ll never happen again.”

“Funny, because I remember you pledging that you would never allow that. Henry jumped to my defense. You tried to talk both of us down. What is wrong with you? It’s literally a slur. You’re supposed to love me.”

“I’ll… go kick her in the cooter if I have to, to prove myself.” The damage was done. That was two huge violations in one day, but he did stop hanging out with Casper and that took a huge load off of Charlotte. Casper tried to apologize to her multiple times, but she didn’t bother with her. She blocked her and put her hand between the two of them whenever she saw her around. She stopped attending practices and games, if they really felt that way about that word, she didn’t have any energy for them. Jasper stopped playing kite discs, too. He said that it didn’t feel the same knowing Charlotte’s take on using the word period. At least he was trying, she told herself. And white people often “get confused” about what was inappropriate. She sent him a post of Get Woke Quick ebooks and told him, “If you ever make a mistake like that again, I refuse to overlook it. He nodded solemnly and was reading all of the books by social justice activists and advocates about racism and antiBlackness in his free time. He started going to the campus events for movement meetings and stuff, which were actually on Charlotte’s campus. She was in the Black Students Union, but it was extremely small and composed mostly of biracial Black people, because there was more of them in the area than all Black, and whenever he was going to meetings for rallies and stuff, he got really cool with some of the people that she introduced him to from the BSU… and a few of them asked him if he’d like to be their token white boy for their radio show. He asked Charlotte if that was okay. She was fine with it. 

The next month of summer was awesome. She forgot to some degree the stuff that she had been rightfully pissed about and wondered about the things that she had been irritated by. Whenever she wasn’t around so much and he was back into classes and busy and whatever else, was he gonna still be cuffing her closely in big crowds? Was he going to notice when she came into a room? She felt like she was punishing him for stuff that she never told him about if she’d attack him now, or stuff that he hadn’t done yet, if the semesters were gonna be that way. So, she tried to enjoy the month and enjoy her man.

Sex was good again. She found that it was amazing whenever she wasn’t troubled or worrying or feeling ignored, and Jasper was fueled by her desire. She’d gotten more aware of what she liked and wanted and more comfortable with telling him. He loved directions. It for one thing assured him that she would like what he was doing and for another, even though she was just telling him what she wanted, hearing her say these things turned him on. 

SOPHOMORE YEAR

Shortly after the semester began, while they were “doing great,” something else happened. They were getting ready to get down to business and Charlotte was practically begging him for it, whimpering and rubbing against him and pouting for him to hurry up and get started. Jasper went into his little nightstand and reached around, sighed and said, “Okay… I’ve gotta go snag a condom.” 

She was so busy pouting that the statement almost was lost on her as he scrambled to get up, but she sat up too and tilted her head, “We’re out?” She asked.

“Yeah,” he said, zipping his jeans up to leave the room.

“Wait. Why are we out?” She asked and a huge flood of fear and insecurity from the previous semester came flushing over her and her breathing caught. “Did you use them?” 

“What? No! The guys come in and take them because they know that I always have them because I have the steady girlfriend…” He looked at her like he couldn’t believe that she would ask him that and now that he thought about it, he was deeply hurt. “Why would I use them if you aren’t there?”

She was thinking about topless Casper and a number of other girls’ faces that she knew specifically from getting much to close to him and being much to flirtatious and him being much too cool about it. She shrugged and he sat back down. “You think I’d cheat on you?”

“I don’t know Jasper. You let girls lay around topless in here and say the most hateful slur in the world, so I really don’t know if you’re ABOVE cheating. Maybe you did something and “didn’t mean it like that.” 

He looked like she had punched him in the gut. “I thought you’d forgiven me for that gross misunderstanding on my part, and I never knew that letting a lesbian be topless was a big deal, especially since she does it in all kinds of places.” Lesbian? So, Casper was a lesbian now? Suddenly? He’d never said that before! “Are you ever gonna forgive me for that, or do I have to bleed again anytime you strike me with it because of an unrelated coincidence?”

“I guess I’ll have to think about that,” she said and got up to leave.

“You’re gonna leave like that?” he asked.

“You have something else to say?”

He shook his head, sadly, “Just that I’ve never cheated on you and I never would. I think about being with you any time that I’m not and I haven’t seen anyone nearly as pretty since I first noticed you. The way you make me feel, I don’t think I would ever be able to feel that anywhere else and I wouldn’t risk it all for even the possibility, because if it wasn’t with you, it wouldn’t matter…” He laid down, looking all depressed and she felt bad. She went to comfort him and they wound up making up… bare… but she mentioned that she’d simply stop by the clinic for a morning after pill, which to Jasper meant that he could go crazy. And it was the most mind altering thing that had happened between them, thus far. 

He was extremely excited, but she didn’t know if that was because it was makeup, or because it was raw. But, he mentioned several times how good she felt and laughed about the idea of him ever wanting anybody else when his Chef’s Kiss had gotten sweeter and juicier all summer. Her head was reeling. She was floating. She was high. Wrapped around him, nothing between them, hearing those declarations, she felt like everything that he was telling her that she was. 

But, whenever they got back around other people… She felt like… not even he was there. Which led us to that blow up where she almost broke up with him. Almost.

.

That was a real come to Jesus moment for Jasper. He started wrestling and boxing, to try to supplement his athletics, and for a while, he didn’t touch Charlotte… not like that, anyway, unless she seemed like she felt rejected, then he quickly tried to make up for it by loving her down in all the ways he knew that she loved. But, he was more focused on rebuilding their intimacy and regaining her trust. For a while, he felt like he was walking on eggshells, because he really didn’t know exactly where he went wrong the first time and he was scared of somehow winding up on the wrong path again. The path that might lead to her crying as she broke his heart, for her own good. He had nightmares about that talk. He had nightmares that he woke up from and cradled her close, having imagined that it really happened.

He couldn’t stomach the thought of messing this up and her leaving him. He couldn’t handle losing her. He would have given up every bit of fanfare and whatnot if all he had was her and he didn’t know how to make her see that. Then again, he had been constantly wondering for all of his life who he was and who he was supposed to be. He wondered if his dad had stuck around, if his mom hadn’t remarried so much, if she’d loved him like Charlotte’s parents loved her, would this be so hard?

He was used to being ignored for a long time, but it still hurt whenever he was. That was why whenever Henry and Charlotte were both working, even though he had other friends, he called them over and over, just wishing and hoping that one of them would love him enough to just reach out and let him know that he still mattered, that he hadn’t lost his people. More than the idea of Charlotte leaving him and him losing her, he was haunted by the fact that he made her feel that sadness of being alone… of not having your people let you know that you mattered. That made him cry when she wasn’t looking. He didn’t want her to see him crying, because she’d try to comfort him and how dare he let her comfort him for being upset about hurting her?

Being the center of attention was like a drug to him. Having so many people to enjoy him, even if they didn’t really care was exhilarating. But… it wasn’t like being Charlotte’s little spoon while she ran her fingers through his hair for the hands down best sleep that he could ever have, her little legs wrapped around him and her supple feet brushing the hairs on his legs. The crowds couldn’t compare to that ‘boozy mahogany flush” of her face whenever he kissed her behind her ear and the baby hairs on her neck shifted ever so slightly and the tingle sent shivers through her and forced her to smile that smile that brought the sunrise to shame. That she thought that she didn’t belong in his world anymore, not knowing that she was his world was… it had to be a failure on his part and he couldn’t stand for it. The fact that he’d missed it, in his reveling in attention was frightening, and he wanted to place a fraction of blame on Charlotte for not telling him sooner, but, he was too afraid that things were too volatile for that conversation. He did ask her gently, though, “Do you think if I ever seem to be making you feel some kind of way, that you could tell me and let me try to fix it?”

This sounded familiar. He’d asked this of her before, in high school after she’d run to Piper with her rants. But, they had been through a lot and she had felt like she was actually ripping her heart out of her chest when she was considering ending things, so this time she said, “I promise that I will.”

“Will you… If I go to meet up with my dad, will you come with me?” He asked. She looked surprised. He explained, “I know my mom’s side of things, but I also know the kinds of behaviors and habits that came from her and how we interacted. I just… want to see if seeing him could help me figure myself out.” 

Charlotte felt super guilty. Like she had broken Jasper, or something. He was so… timid in those days. “Yeah. Of course. And Jasper… You don’t have to be scared to be yourself. I just wanted our growth to be together, and I felt like you’d outgrown me. I was scared, but you don’t have to be. I’m not gonna leave again without giving you a chance to fix it… if anything goes wrong again. I just… wanted to feel like that girl who was up before sunrise making breakfast for a boy because he was the sweetest, more caring boy that she ever knew.”

“And I just wanna be that boy, but you know, in man form. Maybe I should grow my mustache back.”

“I will kill you,” she said. 

He laughed. “Why are you such a hater? Everybody loved it except for you. It was unanimous. Piper loved it and she hates everything.”

“It’s your face. Grow whatever you want.”

“Is it gonna affect how you look at me?”

“I’m gonna look at you like you have a big stupid mustache on your face, just like I did last time.” He laughed and she shook her head, “Either commit to growing a beard or shut up!”

“Oh, you want me to grow a beard?”

“I mean… I wouldn’t be against it. I’d have to see how that fares with the whole, your face spending time in between my legs thing.”

“I would like to see my face spending time between your legs again, just… you know, just ‘cause.”

“You just stopped! I thought I’d given you performance anxiety and didn’t want to put any pressure on you.”

“I feel extremely relaxed right now,” he said, shifting her legs and living for the smile of anticipation on her face. They were good again. They had some hiccups, some missteps, hell, even a trainwreck, but patching things up was even more fulfilling than the days that they thought they wanted to return to - when they weren’t sure of themselves or each other and bumbling through trial and error to reach something that it took a lot of work from both of them to have. At the end of the day, if anybody could analyze and understand someone/something, it was Charlotte Page, and at his core, he desperately wanted someone to understand him.

.

Charlotte’s last visit to Swellview, Jasper came along, to go see his mom. He hadn’t seen her in person for over a year and she was guilt tripping him about it, but he clarified for her that he was gonna be staying at the Pages but would stop by to see her. He didn’t stay very long. He tried to at least give her a few hours. Being away from her had made being in her presence again a supremely unsettling feeling. Charlotte told him that he probably finally knew how she felt around her. “How is Charlotte?” his mom asked.

“She’s good,” Jasper said.

“Everything’s okay?”

“Yeah. Everything is awesome. We’re better than we’ve ever been,” he said. She made a face, like it was surprising. He tried not to get angry about that and instead took the time to brag about her. “She started an initiative to preserve land to cultivate for community gardens in food desserts. My frat prides itself on being sure to have at least one member of every sports team in the school, so I was able to convince them to get their teams involved in efforts to assist with those.” He didn’t add on how long she loved him down for that accomplishment, but nearly every brother in the house commented on how they were both extra loud the previous night and reminded them that some of them had classes in the morning. Jasper had transported back to that night and morning. Charlotte and his sex life was good, but whenever he accomplished something or made her proud, he found that was a major turn on for her, SO… guess wtf he was constantly trying to do? Outdo himself, that’s what. 

He still had a lot of outside attention and “fans,” but if Charlotte was there, he had her right by him, so she wouldn’t be lost in the crowd or feel left out, often cuffed to him, but if not, ever so often, he’d smile at her and kiss her on the nose, or behind the ear, or caress the back of her neck. Those were things that made her weak, so if he casually sprinkled her with them all night, it was as intimate as if nobody had been there. She felt included and she felt loved and he still had the chance to kick it with his bros… he created some boundaries with his lady friends. Some of them would get pissy about it, but most were just as infatuated with his relationship as they were with him as a person. They wanted somebody LIKE him, not him, because if he could be taken away from his adorable long term girlfriend, they didn’t really want somebody like him, anyway…

“What are you thinking about?” His mom broke into his thoughts.

“How much I love Charlotte.” She rolled her eyes and he narrowed his. “What are you thinking about?”

“How your father told me that you found him online and want to meet up with him,” she said. He froze. “Were you gonna tell me?”

“No. I didn’t think it was your business.”

“How not, Jasper?”

“Because, I’m grown.”

“Well, do what you want. But, I doubt he’s any less toxic than he was when I was forced to leave him.” She got up and left the room. Jasper waited a while, went checked on her and.. She had gone to bed. He left and didn’t plan on coming back any time soon. In fact, he needed a complete realigning or something after being inside of there. 

Uncle Roscoe’s house was fortunately the right ambience. There was incense and good food and they had gotten a calming fountain in the family room that played music and lit up various ambient light colors. Plus, Uncle Roscoe made juice and Jasper loved his juice. Aunt Cohort and Charlotte were somewhere getting fish to eat dead skin off of their feet and Uncle Rox wondered, “You getting ready to ask her about it?”

Jasper smiled brightly, full of food and juice and sleepy from the mood of the room, “What?”

“You know what.” 

Jasper sighed and leaned forward in his seat, “We had a rough year, well… a rough year then a rougher year of getting back to good because of the first rough year.”

“I know. I pay attention to the songs she posts. I knew y’all were goin’ through it when she posted Karyn White’s Superwoman with the caption, “On Repeat Forever.”

“I don’t know what that is, but I think I’ve fixed things…”

“Yeah. I know. Like I said, I pay attention to the songs. If you would’ve remembered my advice and paid attention, you’d have had a less rough year.”

Jasper nodded, “I regret so much of my decisions for that time. Did she tell you about the night things hit the fan with Casper?”

“She don’t tell me nothing, Lil’ Nephew. But, I think that she’s ready to settle down. She talks about your future a lot.”

“Yeah, but… I’m the one that wants all the family stuff, she only will do all that because I want it. I’m not gonna rush her.”

“Don’t rush her no… But, don’t let her get away, neither.” Jasper nodded his head. Uncle Rox gave the best advice. She was never gonna get away, if Jasper could help it.

Adventures in Seoul

I think I have always made clear how much I like f(x), particularly Krystal (don’t get me wrong, I still do), but recently my feelings have started to shift. This happened ever since I got the chance to meet Luna, almost 3 weeks ago.

Coincidentally, she was performing in the reprise of the musical adaptation of Gone With the Wind, playing the role of Scarlett O’Hara. I remembered watching the movie a long time ago, and figured that even without knowing enough Korean, I’d still be able to follow the story... So after much pondering and pretty much almost giving up on going to watch Luna perform, I managed to book a ticket to see her last performance on July 25th.

A lot happened and I was about 10 min late tp the show, so I had to wait outside for a bit before they let me in. Spent the first half of the play on a seat located in the last row. Luckily, the theater was built in a way that even being in that spot, it was still possible to view the stage quite well, so it wasn’t too bad.

After the show, which was quite entertaining, considering I couldn’t understand much of what was being said, I was about to head back to where I’m staying (my “home” for the time being, I guess?) when I spotted a group of about 20 people from afar.

It was pretty late already, but I decided to stick around in hopes I could at least catch a glimpse of Luna and maybe even take a photo OF her (not WITH her cause I am unworthy lmao).

Anyway, we probably waited for about 20-30 min before she came out, and she just started taking selfies with the people who asked for one. I haven’t had the chance to meet that many celebrities, but I know there are people who won’t even acknowledge their fans, so I was pleasantly surprised.

Then, she just walked right into the center of the mini mob we had formed, and started talking with us almost as if we had known each other since forever; as well as saying hi to the fans she managed to recognize. Among the presents she got from some of them, there were several bouquets and expensive-looking cakes and desserts. She seemed pleased. She was also signing autographs for everyone.

The whole 30 minutes we were there, in the heat, surrounded by what sounded hundreds of cicadas being as noisy as ever, I couldn’t stop trembling. It felt like a dream, or maybe even a hallucination.

I hadn’t prepared anything for her to sign -hell, I wasn’t even planning to wait for her-, and I just so happened to have  marker with me. I originally wanted her to sign my passport, and after googling if it was okay to do that only to find out it could get me in trouble, I took the next best thing I had with me at the time; the envelope where my ticket was given to me the day before. A fan from either Taiwan or China told me to move forward if I wanted an autograph. She was carrying a big camera, so I figured she must be one of the few fansites left supporting only Luna. She was nice, but I didn’t even get to ask for her name.

I still kept my passport out to show her how to spell my name, and for her to see where I came from (Mexico). She seemed surprised, and spoke to me in English (basic stuff, cause I’ll later come to realized she’d always said it’s not something she’s good at).

I still wonder if she could notice my legs about to give in due to nervousness. I also wonder how many times she’s seen that before haha.

Anyway, I found my entry permit inside my passport and circled my name, to show it to her so she could sign my envelope -right after our less than memorable conversation-; I only managed to point at the circled word, while she doubtingly asked me in Korean “this one?” to which I just nervously nodded, almost embarrassed.

I was so close to her it honestly still doesn’t feel real. I managed to snap a few shots of her with my shitty phone, thoughn most of them look super LQ or blurry haha.

Anyway, she stayed with us for about 30 minutes, even though her manager had arrived a while ago and was waiting for her to wrap it up so they could leave. Her family was already in the car. She also talked about her upcoming SMTOWN performance, only I didn’t understand it at the time lol. I completely forgot her birthday was coming up soon.

Fast-forward to a couple weeks later, I see the announcement about the application period and guidelines for her birthday party. I apply to BOTH of them and, being the unlucky fuck I am, don’t get selected for either one. I was bummed, but had made up my mind to at least go to the SM building, cause they had mentioned there was a slight possibility of getting in if people canceled last minute.

I got there like 2 hours before it started and, sure enough, people were starting to arrived; waiting until after 5 was nerve-wracking, to say the least.

My Korean is barely starting to pick up, so I can’t have conversations with people. Then again, being one of the more evident foreigners present, they quickly identified me and knew I had no “invitation”. She arrived probably about 20 min before it started, I recognized the van from last time.

Anyway, by the time the selected people had entered, only a girl and I were left. She had been selected, but forgot to bring a copy of Free Somebody with her; without it she wasn’t allowed inside either. She noticed I had brought mine with me, and desperately tried to buy it off from me. I didn’t bulge cause she didn’t have any cash with her at that moment, but I was pretty close to telling her to just take it; I just felt bad because she was about to cry.

Then another girl arrived and a staff member came out and told us to wait a little after 5, and MAYBE they could let us in. Spoiler Alert: they did.

I was number 102/100 haha.

They rushed us inside and quickly sat us at the back, and gave us each a balloon with the Free Somebody logo on it. I was almost next to the camera with which they recorded the video uploaded on f(x)’s official FB page and instagram account. There was a smaller camera too, so I suspect Luna was also recording for her Youtube Channel.

It was a fun party, and I was able to confirm once again how charming Luna’s personality is. I guess this is why they used to call her Vitamin. She kept saying “sorry” with a perfect accent as a comedic relief whenever she did/say anything dumb.

We also got to see the birthday messages from Victoria, Amber and Krystal. Luna started tearing up and her manager had to bring her tissues. She suggested to him we should all record a message for the 3 of them, telling them we love them, and so we did. There wasn’t a lot of space for the manager to set the right angle, so there’s a chance I’m not even featured in it.

We sang happy birthday and she answered some questions. Then there was a lottery among the selected people where they got signed balloons and polaroids with her.

When it was over, roughly an hour or so later, she said she had a surprise for us; she had taken the time to handwrite and sign 100 cards for the attendees. I was given one even though I wasn’t supposed to get anything. I’m glad I did. This marks the second autograph I get from her.

She is a gift that keeps on giving. She’s also super talented and overall such a nice, awesome person; she does hands-on charity work whenever her schedule allows her to. She supports Animal Rights as well as Female Rights; she’s done campaigning for both in the past. 

I really wish more people could see that. I really wish more people could support her, especially her music, which as of lately, is all self-composed and just SO GOOD. 

She deserves the world, and she’s been working her ass off for it. She’s being criticized for an infinity of things. She’s been through a lot since debuting, and finally she’s able to do what she likes most, which is singing/performing. I’m just so glad I became a MeU, and I’ll keep supporting her as much as I’m able to, for as long as I can. 

Please give Luna -Park Sunyoung- a chance to captivate you the way she has done with me, all in the span of these past few weeks.

no replacements found

So I can’t say that I’m finished, or satisfied with this. I kind of started off well, then it went downhill because of the lack of motivation lmao. If you want me to do another part, I will. 

love you.

warning: swearing?

words: 1, 944

-----------------------------------------------------------------

confusion / kənˈfjuːʒ(ə)n / noun / uncertainty about what is happening, intended, or required.

His touch felt like fire on your skin, sending thousands waves of warmth towards your heart. Your eyes followed him as he went up to the barista, who was writing down your orders. 

He flashed his signature smile, that could make every girl’s jaw drop. Not only that, he put the cherry on top with his flirtatious wink, luring them in with his gesture. He was drop dead gorgeous, just like that. 

When he got back, the whiff of the freshly brewed coffee hit you, making both your mouthes water in anticipation. Shawn handed you your coffee, smiling when your hands touched. 

“There you go, hun.” He softly said, before taking his own. “Thanks, you didn’t have to pay for me though.” You laughed, brows slightly furrowed. 

“Maybe, but I want to.”

His words made you all warm inside, your grin widening. The thought of you sitting in your favorite cafe, at your favorite table, with your favorite person filled you with great happiness. 

His eyes looked out of the window, swearing he felt himself shiver just at the sight of the amount of snow that was covering everything with it’s bright whiteness. 

Then he moved his gaze to the girl who took their orders, chuckling as she moved hers away from him, a small blush covering her petite face. 

“She’s cute,” He mumbled, the small smile never fading. 

“Right?” 

Turning to you, who sat with a now slightly saddened smile, which got him questioning. As if he pulled you out of a trance, you swiftly forced a big grin, slowly nodding. “Yeah, I mean she seems nice.” You coughed, hiding the big lump that formed in your throat. 

“I know, which means I’m lucky I got her number.” 

The boy in front of you laughed, pulling out a piece of paper with a rushed handwriting that read ‘call me ;)’ and a number scribbled down on it along with a small heart and a name signed at the end. 

Meghan. 

There you sat, squirming in your seat with guilt and pure chaos filling a pit in your stomach. Tears pressed against the corner of your eyes, threatening to spill right in front of the boy you secretly had feelings for, but he was too busy staring at the other girl that slowly won him over.

You were supposed to feel happy for him, excited that your best friend found someone that pinched his interest, but you couldn’t, and you felt guilty for that. you were so sold that he felt the same, hell, you were about to confess tonight. 

At least Meghan helped you, in some kind of way. She made you realize that his flirting and the pet names were only a part of his personality, his charm. And she saved you from all a huge fiasco that supposedly were bound to happen. 

“Uh, shawn? I actually don’t feel so well right now, so I’m gonna head home a little earlier, okay?”

Instead of frowning, he gave you a smile and told you that he hoped you’d feel better soon, then went back to sipping his warm drink, casting subtly flirty looks at the barista. 

“Bye!” He yelled as you tearfully went out the door, and into the cold. 

parting / ˈpɑːtɪŋ / noun / the action of leaving or being separated from someone.

When shawn started dating the barista, you were the first one he told. He rambled about how beautiful she looked, or how amazing and sweet she was to him. But the more you listened, the more you could feel your heart breaking. 

It was like he, himself had the thumping muscle in his hands, ripping small pieces off. Your time with him decreased, and the excuses increased. “What happened yesterday? you were supposed to come over for movie night?” You whispered, saddened due to the lack of your best friends presence. 

“Sorry, babe. got kind of caught up in something with Meghan, can I make it up to you with pizza and movies tomorrow?” 

“Tomorrow?” 

“Yeah, me and Meghan were thinking to stay in together, uh, just kind of us two.” 

“Uh, yeah, that’s fine” You forced out, trying you best to keep your voice from cracking. “Baby? who are you talking to?” Suddenly you heard a feminine voice on shawn’s end, who you guessed belonged to the girl he was just talking about. 

“I gotta go, y/n” And with that, he ended the call, leaving you with a single tear sliding down your cheek. 

replacement / rɪˈpleɪsm(ə)nt / noun / the action or process of replacing someone or something / a person or thing that takes the place of another.

“H-hey, shawn. uh, I were just calling you to see how you’ve been, y’know, since it’s been weeks? Just wanted to know if you’re not like dead or something.”

You let out a small, fragile laugh that used to make his heart swell, but now it was filled with sadness and pain that he knew you were hiding. 

“And it was kind of worrying when you didn’t pick up the phone or anything, so I hope you’re at least listening to this, and if you are, please send me a message or call me, okay?” 

He could hear the slight despair that were laced with your words, and he felt bad about all of this. Yet instead of replying, he turned it off, and put it at the counter, and went over to his girlfriend that was cuddled up on his couch. Meghan lazily smiled, twirling her hair around her finger. 

“Hi, baby. Was that y/n, again?” 

She rolled her eyes when she mentioned his best friends name, frowning when he nodded. 

“Yeah, don’t worry, hun, she’s just-” 

“Being clingy as hell. You do know you can block her?” 

“I mean, I really shouldn’t, babe. She’s my best friend and she was just checking in on us.” Instead of her understanding, she got up and angrily stomped out of his condo before he could say anything else. 

Sighing, he buried his face in his hands and chuckled to himself. He knew this would happen. She wasn’t like her at all.

Meghan could never be the sweet, caring and gorgeous y/n that he loved. 

yearn / jəːn / verb / have an intense feeling of longing for something, typically something that one has lost or been separated from.

His heart harshly beat against his chest, breath caught in his throat at the sight of you. It had been months since he had seen you, and maybe he started to miss you. Yeah, he definitely did, but he knew he couldn’t or at least he shouldn't. Cause he was the one who started this, with all of his bullshit. 

Shawn knew that y/n’s patience was running out. Your voicemails were getting fewer and shorter. It was like you were slipping right through his fingers. 

Your hair flowed in the slight breeze that hit you, a small smile rested on your face as you were talking to somebody on your phone. 

You seemed happy. 

But the smile faded quickly as you eyes landed on him, a sliver of anger glowed in your eyes, and he watched as you quickly excused yourself from the phone call. 

Yet he sent you a smirk, following with his wink. It made you sick to your stomach. How could he act like nothing happened? But you still couldn’t keep the butterflies from fluttering at the flirtatious gesture. 

“Hey y/n! Long time no see, eh?” He chuckled, trying to lighten the tension. 

You hated it, you hated how just his smile made you weak in the knees, or how a single word could make you melt inside. 

“Oh, so now you care?” 

“Babe, I wasn’t trying to actually avoid you, it’s just been busy with, you know, Meghan and the studio, album and stuff.” 

Shawn nervously scratched his neck, breaking the eye contact when he saw the slightest flash of hurt mirror your eyes. “Yeah, meghan.” You lightly mumbled, mentally face palming yourself. 

Of course he was still with her. 

“Uh, how are you guys doing?” 

“We’re doing fine.” He assured you, forcing out a small smile. 

“Good to hear.” And with that, you walked away from him. 

heartbroken / ˈhɑːtbrəʊkən /adjective / suffering from overwhelming distress.

Your mind was racing. Should you give him a chance? What if he only talked to you to be nice? Was he still going strong with Meghan? Was this a good idea in the first place?

Step by step, you neared his door, placing three gentle knocks on the door. footsteps could be heard from the other side, coming closer and closer. Soon it opened, revealing the same girl that took your orders at the cafe. 

“Hi! you must be y/n, nice to meet you!” 

She stretched out your hand, that you unwillingly shook. Then you noticed something.

Was she wearing your clothes? 

The ones you left at shawn’s? That’s when the anger began boiling. 

“Hi, meghan. uh, is Shawn here?” You watched as her expression became icy cold, like a damn ice queen. “Shawn, baby? Someone’s here for you.” She sent you a fake smile before stepping aside, letting Shawn through. 

“O-oh, hi Y/n. What are you doing here?” 

“I came here to try to make things right, but I guess you have some other ideas.” 

“W-what?” He stammered, keeping his gaze at his feet. 

“That’s my fucking hoodie, Shawn.” 

The singer looked up and saw his girlfriends clothing, that, yes, was yours. 

“I’m sorry- I” 

“What has happened to you shawn? We met yesterday and you didn’t seem have any trouble at all, but now, in front of your girlfriend you have a little trouble?” 

With eyes widening he looked up only to see Meghan running off, with basically steam coming out of her ears. 

“No, it’s not like-” 

“Cut the bullshit shawn, what’s been happening for the past five fucking months?” 

“I’ve been trying to replace you, okay?!” He shouted. 

“Because I knew you would never feel what I’ve been feeling for the past four years we’ve known each other! Because I knew that I needed someone who was willing to love me! I tried so fucking hard to search for someone who looked like you, but.” 

“But what?” 

“But they were never you.”

mend / mɛnd / verb / repair (something that is broken or damaged).

It had been days. You’ve still not heard anything after the day you up and left his apartment. As bad as it sounds, you couldn’t think of anything else. But you knew you deserved how horrible you felt after that. His confession brought tears to you, your ice cold heart thawed. Anxiously you’ve sat beside your phone, waiting for something, a message, call, anything. And suddenly he did. you jumped up as soon as his contact popped up on your screen, accepting it. “Shawn?”

“y/n?” He whispered, voice slightly cracking. 

“Are you okay, Shawn?” No matter what he had done to you, you could never stop him from getting to your heart. Just the thought of him hurt brought tears to your eyes. 

“I-I’m so so fucking sorry I-” 

Sobs raked through his chest, stopping him mid sentence. 

“I shouldn’t have pushed you away, I-I shouldn’t have tried to replace you, I’m so fucking stupid.”

“You are not stupid, shawn peter raul mendes.” your firm, yet soft voice soothed him. A single tear falling onto your cheek.

“How? How can you even talk to me right now, after what i’ve done?”

“because i love you.”

1-154

Holy fuck, good thing I have a long train ride😂1. Full nameAngelica DeLillo2. Age213. 3 fearsFailure, getting snatched up one of these nights im on the train alone, losing the people i care about4. 3 things I loveNik, food, and our cat5. 4 turn onsBiting, slapping (ass face and tits), being tied up or held down, and when he gets that mean look on his face and i know hes gonna be really rough with me ugh6. 4 turn offsI have had these experiences with almost every person I've been with except Nik..bad hygiene, being rushed (you cum yet?), bad oral and when i tell them what would feel good they dont listen..and worst of all sex that feels half assed. They just want to cum real quick, theres no passion or effort, they don't care if they please you at all. Fucking horrible..7. My best friendIn cali my best friend here besides Nik is Ashley, and I get to live with them both its awesome! In Florida I cant choose one cuz ive known them all forever and love those dudes..Mels, Denzel, Brauston, and Alicia8. Sexual orientationBisexual9. My best first dateWith Nikolas obviously 😉10. How tall i am5'611. What do I missMy friends and family back home12: What time were I born3:55pm13: Favourite colorGreen14: Do I have a crushOn my boyfriend😂15: Favourite quoteIdk man16: Favourite placeHard to choose one, maybe my bed😂17: Favourite foodI hate favorites..pizza and wings18: Do I use sarcasmNever :)19: What am I listening to right nowSlayer 20: First thing I notice in new personIf they're fuckin rude or not21: Shoe size822: Eye colorBrown23: Hair colorLight brownish? Auburn?24: Favourite style of clothingBlack25: Ever done a prank call?Yup27: Meaning behind my URLKirk twerkin28: Favourite movieKung Fury29: Favourite songCant choose30: Favourite bandStill cant choose my dude31: How I feel right nowMeh32: Someone I loveNik33: My current relationship statusIn love af its disgusting34: My relationship with my parentsPretty good these days35: Favourite holidayHalloween36: Tattoos and piercing i haveNips, lips, and ears37: Tattoos and piercing i wantA lot, whenever i get the money..38: The reason I joined TumblrMels made me join lol39: Do I and my last ex hate each other?I don't think he hates me, but i hate his bitch ass..40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?I used to get them from Nik but we live together so now he can just tell me lol41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted?This morning42: When did I last hold hands?Yesterday43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?15mins, its caffeinating myself that can take time44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days?Noooope45: Where am I right now?On BART46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me?Nik, been a while since thats happened tho47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?Loud48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad?Nope49: Am I excited for anything?For class to be over so i can relax lol...haven't even got there yet50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?Nik, Denzel, Brauston51: How often do I wear a fake smile?At work lmao52: When was the last time I hugged someone?Does my cat count? An hour ago lol53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me?This would never happen, but I would go to jail if it did lol54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not?Not that i know of?55: What is something I disliked about today?Nik had to work early and I've been sexually frustrated af56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?James57: What do I think about most?Nik and food are tied i think58: What’s my strangest talent?Idk59: Do I have any strange phobias?Eh not really60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?Behind61: What was the last lie I told?Not sure, probably at work lol62: Do I perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online?On the phone63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?Aliens yeah64: Do I believe in magic?Nah65: Do I believe in luck?Not really66: What’s the weather like right now?64 and clear skys67: What was the last book I’ve read?Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas68: Do I like the smell of gasoline?Yesss69: Do I have any nicknames?Besides the ones Nik has for me no70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had?Cut my knee open71: Do I spend money or save it?That shits gone pretty fast dont get to spend it on anything fun tho haha72: Can I touch my nose with a tounge?Nah73: Is there anything pink in 10 feets from me?My backpack has some pink on it74: Favourite animal?My cat😂75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM?Fucking76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is?Trump77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?Nightcrawler78: How can you win my heart?Be Nikolas or James Hetfield79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone?Nothing80: What is my favorite word?Fuck81: My top 5 blogs on tumblrIdk man i like a lot of yall82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?Someone please assasinate the orange one83: Do I have any relatives in jail?Not that i know of84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power?Invisibility or time travel85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on?Not sure86: What is my current desktop picture?Some nature pic bc i havent change it87: Had sex?On a daily basis my dude88: Bought condoms?Yes89: Gotten pregnant?No90: Failed a class?Yup91: Kissed a boy?Yup92: Kissed a girl?Yep93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain?Yes, Nik94: Had job?Sadly95: Left the house without my wallet?Fucking yes!!!96: Bullied someone on the internet?No lol97: Had sex in public?A few days ago lmao98: Played on a sports team?Yep99: Smoked weed?This is where my extra money goes..sigh100: Did drugs?Nothing crazy but yeah101: Smoked cigarettes?Yes102: Drank alcohol?Yeah103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan?Noo104: Been overweight?Nope105: Been underweight?Nope106: Been to a wedding?Yep107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight?Yes lol108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight?Yeah109: Been outside my home country?Not yet, but I plan on it110: Gotten my heart broken?Yeah couple years ago111: Been to a professional sports game?Yep112: Broken a bone?My finger lol113: Cut myself?A while ago114: Been to prom?Nope115: Been in airplane?Yes116: Fly by helicopter?No but I want to!!117: What concerts have I been to?Megadeth, Metallica, Exodus, Testament, Carcass, Slayer, Midnight, Kreator, Obituary, Children of Bodom, Rammstein, and a few more but those were the best ones118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex?Quite a few times119: Learned another language?Some German and some ASL120: Wore make up?I wear mascara121: Lost my virginity before I was 18?Yeah122: Had oral sex?Yupppppp123: Dyed my hair?Yes124: Voted in a presidential election?Yep!125: Rode in an ambulance?Nope126: Had a surgery?No127: Met someone famous?Nope128: Stalked someone on a social network?A while ago hahah129: Peed outside?Yep130: Been fishing?Yes131: Helped with charity?I donate to greenpeace monthly132: Been rejected by a crush?Sorta133: Broken a mirror?Im sure I have, I def had a big ass mirror fall on my fuckin head one time tho!134: What do I want for birthday?Some dick😂135: How many kids do I want and what will be their names?2 max, no idea about names, havent thought about it much136: Was I named after anyone?No137: Do I like my handwriting?Its a bit sloppy but yeah138: What was my favourite toy as a child?Barbies lol139: Favourite Tv Show?DBZ😂140: Where do I want to live when older?The forest, somewhere in Colorado maybe141: Play any musical instrument?Not well lol142: One of my scars, how did I get it?Accidentally stabbed myself at work143: Favourite pizza toping?Mushrooms144: Am I afraid of the dark?No, I need it to sleep145: Am I afraid of heights?A bit146: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?Yes lmao, many times by my dad usually147: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?Did you mean my last relationship😂😂148: What I’m really bad atProcrastination149: What my greatest achievments areGetting the fuck out of fl, some of my artwork, learning to cope with my depression150: The meanest thing somebody has ever said to meProb something my ex said lol151: What I’d do if I won in a lotteryQuit my job, build a house, and open a cave bar (me and Ashley were just talkin about that)152: What do I like about myselfWell i guess i never stop trying even tho i fuck up a lot hahah153: My closest Tumblr friend@stalkhome-sindrone probably😁154: Something I fantasise aboutA stable income...Thanks for that big ass ask my anonymous dude!!😂To the rest of my followers, sorry for the long post and some of the tmi questions😊

soulmate!soonyoung

guess who got a huge burst of inspiration during class today!!!

soulmate!soonyoung where whatever your soulmate draws appears on you as well

you love drawing

ever since you were like 4 you’d been drawing

on the walls, on the sidewalk, on paper, and on your skin

and soonyoung grew up with the little drawings appearing on his skin from seemingly nowhere

it started off with little doodles of stick figures which then evolved into scribbly flowers and patterns

and now that he’s in seventeen his soulmate has started to draw complete landscapes with details he’d never consider

if he looked hard enough, he’d even be able to see the waves moving and the trees rustling and even the birds taking in deep breaths before letting out its song

he’s always so proud of his soulmate he’d show off to the rest of the team like jun!!!!!!!!!!!!!look !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!when is your soulmate ever going to be this talented!!!!!!!!!!!!!

you on the other hand never really like what you draw

there always seems to be something wrong with the drawing

whether it be because you drew one feather more round than the other or because you added one more line to the tree trunk than necessary

honestly you always find something wrong with your drawings no matter how often your friends tell you that you’re the best artist they know

you assume it’s just the artist in you

even your professor is like “you have the skill you just need to be more confident with what you draw”

one day you’re having a particularly bad day

you needed a model for your mid-year project but they bailed on you last minute

and now you need to find another model and finish the painting in three weeks and you’re super stressed

when you get home you realize that there are some scribbles on your arm

“are you okay????????????”

turns out your soulmate is so used to seeing your drawings on his arm every day that when you failed to draw something he got worried

your heart kind of swells because awe,,,,,,,,that’s so sweet,,,,,,,,,, :’^)

you tell soonyoung what happened and he’s like awe ): i’m sorry i wish there was something i could do for you ):

he talks to you until the sun rises the next day and you’re like omg,,,,,,,,i’m so sorry i didn’t realize time had passed so quickly

he wishes you luck as you start getting ready for your classes and the next thing he knows, he’s asleep in the dance studio with empty pens scattered around him

seungcheol scolds him for a good ten minutes about falling asleep with the air conditioner on but he’s honestly not listening

(probably too busy thinking about you)

you talk to your professor that day and they’re totally understanding of the situation

turns out your model actually had bailed on various art major students several times

(they apparently once bailed on their best friend the week before a major film festival)

your professor gives you an extra week to try and find a model

now that you have time you feel so relaxed compared to the night before you decide to go to a cafe off campus and treat yourself to a latte and a treat

inside the cafe you start doodling on your arm again

you draw little details from the cafe such as the indoor garden they have in the innermost corner or the bookshelves stacked to the brim

but there’s still something wrong and you still can’t figure out what

so you decide to stop for the day and just enjoy your treats

you get home and realize that underneath your drawings are scribbles from your soulmate and you’re like !!!!!!!!!!!!!! super excited to talk to him even though you don’t even know his name

he asks you how you’re doing and you’re like i’m!!!!!!!!!!actually doing great my professor gave me an extra week!!!!!!!!!

and he gets so excited for you his handwriting gets even messier and it’s so cute

you two officially introduce each other and you’re like i’ve,,,,,,,definitely heard the name kwon soonyoung somewhere,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

and you’re stuck trying to figure out where you’ve heard his name from until one day you’re talking with your friend who’s a dance major and they’re like !!!!!!!!!!!!!!kwon soonyoung????????as in hoshi from seventeen????????????my dance idol!??!?!is your souLmaTE???????????

you’re sitting in front of them at the cafeteria like oh,,,,,,that’s where i heard his name from,,,,,,,,,,lmao,,,,,,,,

you tell soonyoung about you friend who idolizes him that night and he gets so embarrassed

“are you sURE they were talking about mE and not minghao or someone”

“no no i’m absolutely sure they called you hoshi”

soonyoung starts freaking out about it and you’re like hEY who’s soulmate are you

the next thing he asks you throws you off completely

“why do you not like your drawings?”

and you’re sitting there like wait,,,,,,,,,,,i’ve never told you about that,,,,,,,,,,and that was quite the change of topic,,,,,,,

you ask him what the question is about and you can literally picture him shrug as he starts writing again

“i’ve seen a lot of angry scribbles on my arm and you know,,,,,,,,most people only do that when they get frustrated”

you tell him that you just never liked your art and how there always seems to be something wrong with it no matter how many times you redraw it and how many styles you’ve tried

“but your drawings are amazing!!!! you have no idea how many times i’ve shown off your art to my teammates this month!!!”

you’re internally screaming like,,,,,,,,,is my art really so amazing that he’s shown,,,,,,,,,all his group members,,,,,,,,

he continues writing but his handwriting is so small you’re like squinting,,,,,,,,,

“maybe you should stop drawing for yourself,,,,,,,,”

and you’re super confused about this statement like who else would you draw for?

“you could draw for me instead”

you feel the blood rushing to your face like aksjhdgkjldsLSKAJDGSDA how is he so CHEESY

you don’t know how to reply other than agreeing because????????what else do you say??? no???????

after that though everything seems to run by extremely smoothly

you found another model, finished the painting in less than two weeks, and handed it in before everyone else in your class

and you’ve even stopped trying to find something wrong with your artwork all the time

you focus more on the compliments and suggestions you receive from soonyoung and it feels like a weight has been completely lifted off your shoulders

one day as you’re sitting in your go-to cafe, you notice someone walking in wearing a cap and sunglasses and you’re like but it’s,,,,,,,,,raining,,,,,,,,,,,,,,?

they order and then take a seat nearby you

you shrug it off like whatever people can wear whatever they want

you go back to doodling on your skin

and you notice the person is also writing on their arm but you don’t take much notice of it because soonyoung’s talking with you

until you take a closer look at the person’s arm and realize,,,,,,,,it’s covered in your doodles

and the person’s also noticed your arm

and you two stare at each other like,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,wait,,,,,,,,,that person’s my soULmate

he instantly jumps out of his seat and slides into the chair in front of you and you’re like ajksdghkasdljg wAIt i’m still processing

he shoves his hand towards you while taking off his glasses and you’re like ahdjsgkdalsg he’s,,,,,,,really attractive,,,,,,,,,,

you take his hand and shake it and then the both of you are just sitting there still processing

you speak up first much to your own surprise

“thank you,,,,,,for cheering me on,,,,,,,,,i know i didn’t support you a lot but,,,i’m extremely grateful for your encouragement,,,”

he grins and you’re like ajdhgkalsjgdsg he’s so cute what the frick

“thank you for your concern too!!!!!!! i know you’ve had an extremely stressful month”

and you feel lowkey bad because he’s an idol,,,,,,,,he’s probably way more busy than you are but he still manages to comfort you about being stressed,,,,,,

you two kind of sit there just enjoying the silence and each other’s presence until you notice the time and you’re like,,,,,i loved meeting you but,,,,,,i have to go i have an essay due tomorrow for my contemporary art course,,,,,,,,

soonyoung’s like oh of course!! i’ll walk you back :))))))))

and you’re like you don’t have to,,,,,i know that you have things to do too

but he’s like nOnsense i’m walking you back. i’m not scared of jihoon

he says that but you can see him paling at the thought of lee jihoon and his guitar

he ends up walking you back to your dorms anyways and you’re like thank you,,,,,,,i’ll see you around?

but then he’s like wAiT i don’t have your number,,,,,,,,,,

you exchange numbers and when you get inside your room you’re like should i,,,,,,,,,send him a message?

ten minutes later you finally send him a simple “good luck with practice!”

and he sends you like 812357125 heart emojis back and you’re like ajhsdkglasdg he’s so intense,,,,,,but i like it,,,,,,,,,,,,

he starts sending you photos of him with the rest of seventeen or derp photos of his teammates and you’re like pftttt soonyoung you’re gonna get yourself killed one day

you get a series of photos one day

the first one is soonyoung holding a sharpie in his hand with jihoon sleeping in the background

the second one is jihoon’s sleeping face covered in drawings (rip his soulmate,,,,,,)

the third one is soonyoung taking a selfie with jihoon who’s eyes are opened,,,,,,,rip kwon soonyoung 1996-2017,,,,,,,,,,

you open the fourth one and it’s a picture of vernon with his hands up in a peace sign

and in the background is your soulmate being sat on by an extremely angry jihoon who’s gotten hold of the sharpie

you instantly call him like nOOoooOo doN’t DrAW ON HIM JIHOON PLS I HAVE AN INTERVIEW IN TEN MINUTES,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

jihoon let him off that time (“only because i like your soulmate better” “whAT do you mean jihoon we’re TEAMMATES. I’VE SEEN YOU IN THE SHOWER” “that’s,,,,,,,disgusting,,,,,,,,,”) but soonyoung left that fight with more than a few bruises

you’ve stopped getting frustrated with your drawings and soonyoung thinks it’s because you’ve started to become more comfortable with it but in all honesty it’s because you’re really drawing for him,,,,,,,,shhh don’t tell him that he’ll never let you live if he finds out

Super depressing fic thing idk

Matsuda was an idiot. Well, at least he thought he was. But that wasn't exactly his fault. Throughout his life, everyone from his parents to his coworkers called him an idiot. They always repeated that same, nauseating phrase: "Matsuda you idiot!" Those words always made his stomach churn with anxiety, especially when they came from his boss. He wanted so desperately to be able to impress L, but that wasn't what led him to sprint over to the Yotsuba head office. Sure, he wanted to get some useful information, but that wasn't his sole purpose. No, his sole purpose was to get caught. To die. But at least he'd give them some valuable information before his death, he was determined to be useful before he died. So there he was, he had just been caught eavesdropping by the Yotsuba group, and he knew his death was coming soon. He pretended to be alarmed, but really, he wasn't scared. He was calm. He was glad that he would finally be out of everyone's way. Once he was dead, he'd no longer be a burden. His phone rang. Ryuzaki. He spoke to them briefly, signaling to them that he was in trouble. It was going exactly the way he'd planned. Matsuda knew that Ryuzaki would suggest that he has to die in front of the Yotsuba group in order to avoid them killing him. He had been right. They suggested the idea when he had run off to call them in a bathroom, though he was having some trouble feigning panic when he was so eager to get it over with. And so, the plan was set into motion. He pretended to be drunk, walking unsteadily through one of Misa-Misa's rooms, towards a window with a balcony. He knew that Soichiro and Mogi were a few floors down holding a mattress to catch him, so in order for his plan to work, he realized that would have to "mess up" before he was supposed to. And so, he opened the doors. "Now, it's what you've all been waiting for! The Taro Matsui show!" Matsuda exclaimed, his excitement matching that of his fake drunken voice. With that same odd grin on his face, Matsuda approached the balcony, climbing up onto it. He was ready. He was going to die. 'I hope this information was of use to them,' he thought, as he hoisted himself up onto his hands, legs in the air in a perfect handstand. He saw the mattress, and before it could extend to catch him, he threw himself off. He faintly heard Soichiro and Mogi's shouts as he fell quickly toward the pavement. 'I hope I was finally useful.' And then he hit the pavement. Everything went black.

Soichiro and Mogi rushed down to the ground level the second they saw Matsuda falling past the mattress. They hadn't caught him. He was most likely dead. When they arrived, they called an ambulance, the one that was supposed to carry away Aiber dressed as Matsuda. When it arrived, L and Light rushed out to see Matsuda sprawled out on the pavement. "Dad, what happened?" Light asked worriedly. Soichiro didn't speak, he only picked up Matsuda's lifeless body, and carried him into the ambulance. Once he was in he shouted back at Mogi. "Call Aizawa and tell him what happened." Mogi nodded, and Soichiro thought he saw tears on the usually calm man's face. Light and Soichiro sped off towards a hospital, with a most likely dead Matsuda in the ambulance. Soichiro had never thought that Matsuda was as depressed as he had been. But there he was, next to Matsuda's dead body in a hospital bed, with a note in his hands found in the man's pocket that explained everything. He had never felt so empty, so angry, so........broken. Matsuda had been like a son to him, and to see his lifeless body, his life taken by his own hands was something that Soichiro almost couldn't stand.

The funeral was small. Not many people showed up, only the task force and Yagami family. Soichiro stood, hugging Sayu and Sachiko who were crying profusely, holding the crumpled and tear stained note in their hands. And then, it started to rain. The rain drenched the note, smearing the sloppy handwriting that could only belong to Matsuda. Soichiro wiped the tears from his eyes, kneeling in front of the small gravestone that belonged to Touta Matsuda.     Touta Matsuda   He was a hero who others wrongly thought an idiot   1978-2003    May he Rest In Peace knowing that his contribution will help catch Kira Soichiro felt fresh tears fall from his eyes upon reading the stone. 'Of coarse he's only seen as a hero because he's dead.' He placed the note in front of the stone. 'I always thought you were Matsuda.' And with that, he stood and left with the rest of his grieving family.

Dear everyone,

  I'm sorry I haven't been able to be useful. I know I'm not as smart as you all wanted me to be, but I really did try, I promise. I doubt any of you will see my death as too much of a bad thing, but I hope it doesn't cause any of you any more trouble than I did when alive. I hope  the information I gathered will be useful to you in the long run. I hope this will make things easier for you. I know if I stuck around I'd just be even more of a pain y'know? It was for the best. I hope the case runs smoothly now that I'm gone.

With love,  Touta Matsuda

  L held the soaked note in a trembling hand, bowing their head to the gravestone before them. They placed a hand on the stone, which was cold with rain and death. Watari stood behind them with a gentle hand in their shoulder. They wiped some of the rain from the front of the stone as if it were tears. "I'm sorry I called you an idiot. You're not. We were all wrong to do this to you. You were such a kind man, and I'm not just saying it because you're dead," they said softly, as if only to let the cold stone hear them. They sighed and stood. "For what it's worth, I never really thought you were an idiot." And then they left, soaked note still in hand.

A/N: Woa, this hurt me to write. Also, this isn't meant to be snippy, I just,,,,,imma slut for L showing emotion lmao. Hope y'all like this serving of suffering ;)