I'm sorry it's nearly 3am where I am so I dont mean to come off rude or anything if I do, but your ask response of "I'm gonna focus on the idea of "what if I just relate to trans experiences but aren't trans?" Okay. So. What if you do?" made me cackle so loudly I nearly woke my mom because my only thought to reading 'I relate to A but I'm not A' was: Congratulations!!! You're experiencing empathy! You're a normal human being realizing people from different backgrounds, identities, etc have similar experiences as you and you can have connections with them without identifying exactly as they do :)

Not rude at all and thanks for sending in! You painted quite the picture and got me chuckling, too. :D

Also, excellent addition! If more people in positions of privilege took a moment to think of how actions, words, and beliefs impacted people different from themselves, the world might be a better place!

Also brought up another thought: HMM, isn't it interesting how society always makes people with marginalized or people who may have marginalized identities doubt themselves but never the other way around??? You never see:

Cis people having to wonder "what if I'm not really cis, though?"

Questioning people getting to wonder "what if I really AM trans?"

"What if I'm NOT cis? Even though I relate to some cis experiences?"

"What if this doubt about being trans isn't mine but something society has forced upon me?"

"What if this confidence about being cis isn't really mine but just that I didn't know there were other options?"

Notice how it's always the "what if I'm faking being trans?" doubt that is forced to center stage!!! And never the questions that prompt introspection and exploration!

~Mod Pluto

I was wondering if I could get some input on this? All good if not.

I’ve been obsessing over gender envy and tertiary attraction (mainly aesthetic). For the record, am an orientated aroace lesbian, so I’ve never been romantically/sexually attracted to men (or anyone). But when there are drawings or pictures of cool looking guys (usually with sharp jawlines or undercuts) I feel this weird sense? I can’t tell if it’s aesthetic attraction or the fact I really want to look like them. Maybe it’s both? I dunno, it’s really hard to unpack. And I sort of feel like I’m not a real lesbian either since I think guys with specific traits look nice. sorry if this is confusing, I’m just hoping for another person’s thoughts on it.

Okay, so I have two main thoughts.

One: thinking guys with specific traits look nice is not a conflicting position to being a lesbian. As language for more diverse experiences comes out and greater visibility is achieved, so evolves our understandings of such concepts. While classically defined as 'attraction to women by a woman', there's been a lot of evolving definitions these days (largely thanks to nonbinary folk) of being a lesbian as 'non-straight attraction to women', 'non-men loving non-men', etc. It's like...how if you want to look at aromantic history, you have to look into asexual history because aromantic used to be considered more of a subset of asexuality. And if you want to look into asexual history, you have to dig into bisexual history (sorry, I used to have better sources on this but they all got tainted by people who turned out to be Not Great, but peep that asexuality and bisexuality were both defined by 'lack of preference' and so may be been sister-experiences) because bisexual used to be a term that included allo bi people and aces. And if you want to look into bisexual history, you have to look into lesbian and gay history (and if you wanted to look into lesbian history, you'd have to look into gay history). (And this example may make you think that it's been linear but it's absolutely not. Like, today, a lot of people don't like the terms FTM and MTF in regards to trans people but that used to be the terminology, and in fact lesbian not only included bisexuals and aces, it also included trans men!)

Language is messy because humans are messy, so history is messy. Etc., etc., etc. I say it a lot these days, but labels aren't strict/rigid categories handed down by some omnipotent being. They are socially defined tools of communication and they will change with the humans and societies that use them. Language is inherently flexible, at least to some degree.

I think it's amazing how much language we have developed to express ourselves regarding our identity. But I do think the downside of this has been the hyper-separation of communities, leading to such panic like yours, and the pressure to find the Perfectly Fitting Absolutely Fitting Perfect Label(TM), which also implies that all feelings can be clearly and definitively understood and articulated when, for a variety of reasons, often they really just can't be.

A "real lesbian" is simply someone who identifies as a lesbian. And identifying with a term is the only qualifier to being any gender/attraction term. There's no test out there. No diagnosis. No correct answer. Identity is self-determined, for whatever reasons a person has for identifying a way.

Let me give you an example from my personal life because I'm super proud of my sister. She's not aspec, but she is a lesbian. And until she got into a monogamous relationship, she was actively pursing and having sex with both men and women. She had sex with men because she is sexually attracted to men and liked having sex with them. However, she labels as lesbian and lesbian only because her attraction to men is not really meaningful to her. She would only be open to committed and/or romantic relationships with women, and that's the most important part of her feelings/experience to her. And you know what? No one who matters has ever had a problem with that or tried to tell her that she's not a real lesbian. Not even the men who were having sex with her. As stated above, labels are just linguistic tools. Don't let labels control you. Make the labels work for you.

Two: I think there are two main ways we can react to struggles about self-gaslighting (and even general questioning) with your identity.

The first is to run away from being the thing. You eventually beat yourself into despair that you couldn't possibly be a lesbian, so you turn your back on the identity and try to fit yourself into a box that you may fit into but doesn't feel quite right or even into a box that maybe doesn't even fit right in any meaningful way. This comes off as inherently sad, but you know what? Discovery requires exploration. If this is the path you need to take to figure yourself out better and come to terms with whatever labels, then do it!

The second is to lean into being the thing. (Disclaimer: this is how I handled coming to terms with being nonbinary and genderqueer. This method worked for me because "fake it til you make it" tends to be my defacto reaction. It's also how I conquered my phobia of dogs.) Decide "fuck the semantics". Wanting to be a specific identity matters. Honor those feelings. Practice letting yourself be that thing without beating yourself up. It's definitely a difficult skill that takes mindfulness and concentrated effort, but it can also be such a release. Claim the label you want to be. Go out and be the proudest version of that you can. You may just find down the road that you've stopped faking it and are actually feeling it.

(And ofc, leaning into either path may bring unexpected results. By running away from a term, you may indeed find another that you like more. By embracing a term, you may realize it ultimately isn't the term you like the most. None of these paths are wrong. They are all about figuring yourself out, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.)

I am only going to celebrate learning more about ourselves. That should be the purpose of these terms. Labels shouldn't be a prison. They should bring freedom. If the labels you're using don't bring that - try something else. There's a lot of paths you can take to get to whatever the end destination, and the journey is a lot more work and time than the destination, so don't be afraid to take the scenic route and make it enjoyable for yourself! There's no rush. You've got this. :)

I hope these thoughts were helpful to bringing you some level of understanding, comfort, and/or peace.

Well it took a long time to get this out of my mind and on paper but here is Imposter!

the older i get, the more convinced i become that even those who you think are the most capable, put together, organised and/or accomplished individuals probably either are or feel like they are pretending to know what they’re doing most of the time.

there are no set rules or obligations, no one path, no secret formula you are missing. life is terribly confusing and mysterious and that is half the joy of it! you are doing a terrific job navigating it at your pace and in your way. take your time.

and if i’m wrong and others do have it figured out, at the very least, you and i can pretend together. we’re okay - we’re in this together.

If you're afraid that you're "faking" your gender, orientation, disability, mental illness, etc.

Please remember that faking is something you do on purpose, with forethought. If you have to worry about whether or not you're faking, that's proof that you're not.

Faking is Intentional, it can't be Accidental.

Once my friend told me that he felt Christian imposter syndrome sometimes because he had never had a big, life altering encounter with God. But we encounter God everywhere. It's in the way you let me sit on your couch and ramble about a breakup when we barely knew each other. It's in sunshine. Laughter. The faces of my friends who have never set foot in a church. It's in all the people who have shown me grace and mercy when I wholly didn't deserve it. It's the ache you've been trying to explain. It's the way that birds just know when to push their babies out of the nest. The way that I have found myself back in church even though no one would blame me if I hadn't. The way that we, creatures from a miniscule part of the universe, not only wanted to, but taught ourselves how to look into deep space. The sound of water flowing along a creek. It's the rhythm of the ocean, beating since before our species existed. You can go your whole life without having a big, come-to-jesus, altar call moment when you were "saved," and that's ok. Your faith doesn't have to run on adrenaline highs and intensity. God's in the still small voice. All the little miracles around you.

So I wrote this weird book about queer dragons. It came out the same day as the other dragon book everyone talks about. It was a Sunday Times bestseller in the UK, though, which was incredible!

However, I'm not sure how to continue to promote this book--people either seem to really like it, or not quite get it. Or it just wasn't what they expected. Which is fine, no book can please everyone, and I knew I'd made some unusual craft choices that was going to make it more marmite. (Or, as my brain tells me at midnight, I'm just a bad writer). However, there's that librarian saying "every book its reader" and the people who love this book REALLY love it, and that makes me so happy. So I decided to write this post and explain its weirdness and lay out what you can expect if you do pick it up. Maybe you're my kind of odd, too. :-)

Short pitch: 800 years ago, dragons and humans were bonded, then humans were dicks, stole the dragons' magic, and banished them to a dying world. But humans have short memories, forgot, and now worship dragons as gods. The dragon "gods" remember, and they do not forgive.

Thief Arcady steals their grandsire's stone seal (which helps them funnel magic) from their tomb. Their grandsire supposedly released a magical plague that killed a proportion of society, and Arcady is locked out of society as a result. They perform a spell to rewrite the seal to have a new identity as they want to go to university at the Citadel and also clear their family's name. Problem? The spell also accidentally calls through Everen, the last male dragon, trapped in human form. Everen has been foretold to save his kind, and now he has a chance: he just has to convince one little human to trust him mind, body, and soul, and then kill them. Then he'll be able to steal the human's magic back, rip a hole in the Veil, and the dragons can return. Good news for dragons, less good news for humans. As you might expect: this does not go to plan. Because emotions.

Grab it now. (Note: there's still a contractual delay so it's not available in US audiobook yet, annoyingly. Hopefully soon). (If you are like "weird queer dragons?! Sign me up" but aren't interested in hearing why the author has made certain decisions and want to go into the text cold, stop here! Death of the author/birth of the reader, etc. Otherwise, carry on.)

You should pick up Dragonfall if:

You like experimental narrative positions! It's all collected by an unnamed archivist who has access to both first person narratives (Arcady, the genderfluid human thief, Everen the hot dragon) and can scry into the past and draw out third person narratives (Sorin, hot priest assassin. Cassia, Everen's sister, who is also hot. Spoiler: everyone in this book is hot). Then to make it even weirder, Everen's bits are technically in first person direct address, so he's writing it all to Arcady (the first chapter ends with: "For that human was, of course, you. And this is our story, Arcady.") I ended up writing it this way for a few reasons, even though it probably would have been simpler to just stick to straight up third throughout, like most epic fantasy does. The big one is that Arcady is genderfluid and uses any pronouns (I tend to default to they when I talk about them outside of the text), and constantly gendering them in the text felt wrong whether I used he, she, or they. This way bypasses that a lot in the first volume, so it's up to the reader to make up their own mind. I also just really love first person direct address as a narrative position. It can be a little confronting, and it makes Everen the dragon sound a bit more predatory at the start. But it's also quite intimate. Is he writing his sections as an apology, or a love letter? Both? You find out at the end. So if your green flag books are: The Fifth Season, The Raven Tower, or Harrow the Ninth, this might also be your jam.

You love classic 90s fantasy. This is in many ways an homage to all the stuff I read growing up: Robin Hobb and the Realm of the Elderlings (the book is dedicated to Hobb in particular), the Dragonriders of Pern, Tad Williams, Lynn Flewelling, Robert Jordan, Mercedes Lackey, Tamora Pierce, etc. But I wanted to give it a more modern twist. I'm NB and growing up I didn't see a lot of queerness in fantasy, and I clung to the examples I did find (Vanyel, the Fool). Also, not 90s fantasy, but I also freaking loved Seraphina by Rachel Hartman and Priory of the Orange Tree, so those were influences too.

You're not put off by Worldbuilding(TM) and a slower pace. Probably because I grew up on the likes of Tad Williams, I honestly love slow-paced fantasy. I love to luxuriate in a world and take my time getting to know a made up world. In Assassin's Quest it takes over 100 pages for Fitz to leave the forest. Love it. I have a more lyrical writing style, I guess, and I'm pretty descriptive. My stuff always tends to start off slower, set the stage, and then ramps up the pace as we get further along. So yes, my book starts out with some infodumping, depending on your tolerance level of that sort of thing. I worked with a linguist and they made a conlang for the dragon language (hi @seumasofur). There's a map by Deven Rue (cartographer for Critical Role). I got nerdy.

You love queernorm fantasy! This is set in a world where it's considered rude to assume a stranger's gender and so you tend to default to they/them. If you consider someone much higher in status than you, you'd capitalise it to the honorific, such as They/Them. Once you get to know someone, you tend to flash your pronouns to them with a hand signal, since a sign language called Trade is also a lingua franca in the world. 99.95% of all the dragons are also lesbians, BTW. Everen is the last male dragon.

You like frankly silly levels of slow burn. Everen and Arcady can't physically touch without it causing Everen pain while they're half-bonded. They may or may not find creative loopholes. But it's not mega mega spicy, if you're expecting that. I expect the spice levels will gradually go up as the series progresses.

Alright, I think that's more than enough to give you a sense of what you'd find in Dragonfall. If you're open to sharing this post so it reaches more people outside of my little corner of the internet, I'd really appreciate it. Whenever I do any bit of self-promo, I'm always so anxious and worry it'll get like, 2 eyeballs on it anyway or that I'm just annoying people by mentioning that my art even exists. And if you end up liking it, please tell a friend.

I'm loving the recent dragon renaissance! Long live dragons.

Over 2.5 years into HRT I still get imposter syndrome. I feel any hint of femininity creeping up on me and I push it down, bury it. I had femininity forced on me for 35 years! I don't want it anymore!

And I would tell any man, cis or trans, that there's no one right way to be a man, that men can be feminine or soft or emotional or cute. And they can be hard and strong and macho. They can be either, they can be both in one person. Most people are probably a little of both, regardless of gender, anyway! It's all cool! Everyone is different and that's amazing!

In fact, I love soft boys most of all. I love it when guys are a little feminine. When they're gentle and soft. A little girly. I'm fucking GAY! The fact that I'm NOT visibly feminine in any way actually gets in the way because other gay guys don't clock me!

But for over 2.5 years, I've been around people who knew me as a girl first. None of them rejected me outright or anything, but they all slipped up. All the time. They'd use the wrong name. Wrong pronouns. Other gendered terms. They'd catch themselves and quickly correct. I knew they didn't mean it. But deep down, some part of them still saw me as a girl.

And it still happens. All this time, later, it still happens.

I've spent all this time trying to be as MAN as possible to stop that from happening, but... it hasn't. It hasn't worked. The people who always knew me as a girl still think of me as one on some level. No matter how DUDE and BRO and MAN and GUY I try to be.

Meanwhile I'm holding back part of my personality. For what? To make it easier on them?

It's bullshit. I'm done. I'm gonna be a DUDE when I'm feeling DUDE and I'm gonna be a faggy little gay boy when I'm feeling like one. I gotta stop being such a hypocrite, telling other guys in my life it's okay to be soft, then burying all the softness in myself.

Read Free Now: FRACTURED MAGIC

Do you like gay fantasy books? How about angsty antiheros with charming facades and dark powers they can't control? Have you, at any point, found yourself lusting after Astarion from Baldur's Gate III? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you may like Fractured Magic!

Fractured Magic is a penny dreadful for the modern reader! A thrilling tale for the masses! Read all about a fallen hero's hunt for redemption and an elven lordlings' quest to rescue his kidnapped King. The two estranged best friends are racing against time - and long-lost gods - to achieve their goals. Will they make up and work together before it's too late?

Fractured Magic is a queer fantasy webserial. New chapters are published free on substack and at emrowene.com every Monday. Subscribe on substack and have new chapters delivered directly to your email inbox.

Look I'm just one semester in but the friends I made in uni(/college) so far are some of the best friends and people I've ever met

They're so- AGH

The level of comfort I'm on with those people is insane considering I've only known them since October

Religion in Relation to Jesus Christ Superstar

(CW: Religious trauma, slight stream-of-consciousness, imposter syndrome)

It's no secret now that I love Jesus Christ Superstar. The music, the way the story is presented, the history of the musical, and the talented actors are what drew me to it and kept me interested. Hell, it even made me download TUMBLR just so I could interact with others who enjoy the show (which is lovely, you're all lovely and I'm having such a good time).

Sometimes when I'm doing my wholely unnecessary research on JCS, I find a bad review from a devout Christian, claiming it to be blasphemy of the highest degree. This doesn't particularly bother me, as I am no longer a religious person, and I can easily brush these reviews off as extremists finding things to complain about.

I've found myself researching the book the rock opera was based on. You know the one. It's a fascinating story; I don't think many people disagree with that regardless of what religion they align themselves with. However, as with most things on the internet, it's hard to find information that is unbiased (unless I choose to read the full Bible, which I'm not interested in doing at the moment). I see how passionate these people are about their faith, and how many use that as an excuse to belittle and isolate others. This is something I've always been aware of, and it's something that's affected me personally.

When I come across these kinds of things online, I start to feel a pit of anxiety growing in my chest. I respect anyone of any religion so long as they do not use it as a means to harm others (physically, mentally, psychologically - in any way). But when I am presented with a Christian explaining why everything I believe in and stand for is inherently wrong, I begin to feel as if I'm still a young girl being berated for going against the Lord. To make matters worse, I am queer, though I am well aware that any accusations that this is a shortcoming are without truth.

Part of what drew me into JCS is what I and some others believe to be queer undertones. The intense relationship between Judas and Jesus is captivating to me, and I find it healing to examine the story of Christ this way. I had been avoidant of all Christian-related media for such a long time after I decided to detach myself from the religion. Any mention of it brought back years of shame and fear that, in my opinion, do not align with the morals the Bible depicts. If that is not what I am meant to feel when presented with the power of the Christ, then why should I subject myself to it? But when I found this musical, I was so intrigued that my inhibitions became insignificant. I only notice now how unprepared I was for the feelings that arose within me when re-introduced to my experience with religion.

I think the main issue comes with Christians believing they are entitled to the words and story of the Bible. Against my better judgment, and due to my past, I feel sometimes as if I'm intruding on an aspect of human culture that was not meant for me. In reality, I recognize that all I'm really doing is enjoying a story that I relate to and that inspires me to create and live my life as I want to live it. My learned instinct is to feel repentant when any person says I am wrong, especially when it comes to my experience as a queer woman. I read the relationship between Jesus and Judas in JCS as romantic. I have seldom seen such an intense portrayal of homosexually-charged angst, even if that is not how it was meant to be read. And I relate to it. And it heals a part of me. And I may be reading way too far into this, but I'm already devoting so much of my time to this property, so I may as well get something useful out of it.

I wonder if any other fans of JCS have felt this way. Like we are not allowed to enjoy something simply because it is not a story that is meant to be heard as we are hearing it.

My mother wonders why I haven't since converted back to Christianity after watching Jesus Christ Superstar. But this is the furthest from Christianity I have ever felt. And it the most at peace with Christianty I have ever felt.

You know, when they said “you never stop learning things about yourself” I don’t think they meant five consecutive years of having a new identity crisis.

omg there’s this person from my php and omg

i need their gender

like the gender envy is real

like please

give gender

like their name is so gender for them like hello need

like i need ur gender

(tw. Internalized aphobia but don’t worry it gets better)

Man as an AroAce person who’s been in a romantic relationship before realizing I was AroAce, I used to feel like a fraud. Like I was faking being AroAce it or something. And it made it all the more difficult to come out. But recently I kinda accepted that, being in that relationship was okay, I’m not faking it. Because people change and go through different things all throughout life, attraction and your identity are fluid and constantly changing. You don’t have to be a “gold star” to be valid. Just being you is valid enough.

And as an AroAce person I love doing romantic things with my queer platonic partners. I don’t feel any romantic attraction towards them, but honestly I’m just a sucker for making them happy and being cute with them lol. And being able to accept myself has really helped me come to terms with it all. I really appreciate the AroAce and QPR community for helping me through it all, you guys have done so much for me,, I really hope I can do a whole bunch for other AroAce people too. Especially those who are struggling with feeling like a fraud. you guys are awesome and valid, don’t let anybody tell you otherwise. Have an awesome day! <3

Submitted February 11, 2023

Would you hire a clocky Tgirl for legal representation??

about to be annoying but id love to hear about your au sksw link and zelda and all of that.. ik they arent at all in the comic but i enjoy hearing about how you portray characters its fun!

Terrible news Sky Link and Zelda aren't that fleshed out tbh.....I don't have much for them and I wouldn't know what to say that's like....interesting.