#self gaslighting | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

loveyourlovelysoul · 2 years

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Remember to always protect your own inner and mental peace: -do not feel obliged to engage with others, especially if you perceive them as toxic for you; -say no if you want to say no. For any reason, it's your choice. And don't think about the future outcomes or what others may think, think about how you feel about it now; it's always, everything, about the now, cause it's the present we're living. Stand your ground with no fear; -do not blame yourself for any reason, not even falling into old thought/behaviour's patterns or situations (you're trying your best, hiccups happens. With time, patience, practice and kindness you'll change whatever you want to change); -don't feel guilty nor blame yourself if you need to rest, it's okay, we all need that to function properly. We're humans; -you don't have to impress anyone to be accepted nor to be perfect (nobody is, btw): just be yourself always, good and bad, and be open about it (and willing to change if you -only you- feel like it's something that doesn't belong to you anymore).

#words #healing #positivity #self love #important #positive thinking #healingjourney #thoughts #love yourself #self healing #recovery #mental health #mental issues #inner peace #mental peace #relationships #self embrace #self gaslighting #people pleasing

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rabbittongues · 2 years

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#vent art #trauma vent art #suppressed memories #repressed memories #hhdbsjsbshbssbb #body memories #denial #self gaslighting #just in case #actuallytraumatized

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nonbinaryresource · 1 year

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hmmmm not sure how to phrase this exactly, but I've been looking through the questioning tag and thought I could try just asking specifically. (Sorry it got quite long!)

I'm pretty sure watching too many trans tiktoks did not make me nonbinary, but it sure brought up questions. Mainly, what if relating to nonbinary/trans experiences in my case is just that, relating? I'm thinking I might be nonbinary or trans, all because I suck at almost everything considered my gender, from looks to skills and so my "disphoria" is me not liking how others see me, rather than it being my body. I don't want to be my body to people first and then my person, besides I get the feeling top surgery would make me look and feel aesthetically cooler lol but that's just me

Is that a thing or I'm just extremely in denial?

Not sure if you caught the study we were just reblogging on how dysphoria and transness is not caused by "social contagion" like tiktoks, but if not, it feels relevant to link.

Researchers from the Fenway Institute disproved the theory of "rapid-onset gender dysphoria" (RODG) and determined that "social contagion" does not influence gender identity in the largest study of its kind, published earlier this month in Pediatrics journal.

"The hypothesis that transgender and gender diverse youth assigned female at birth identify as transgender due to social contagion does not hold up to scrutiny and should not be used to argue against the provision of gender-affirming medical care for adolescents," Dr. Alex S. Keuroghlian, the study's senior author and director of Fenway's National LGBTQIA+ Health Education Center, and the Massachusetts General Hospital Psychiatry Gender Identity Program, said in a statement.

But I'm gonna focus on the idea of "what if I just relate to trans experiences but aren't trans?"

Okay.

So.

What if you do?

What?

Then what?

You...find out more about yourself?

You...discover new things about your own feelings and comfort?

You...consider all of the options and come to decide on which label is best for you to adopt?

I'm not seeing a downside here. I'm not seeing anything to panic about. The transphobes have turned exploration and experimentation into the boogeyman. Life is about exploration and experimentation. Capitalism has absolutely ruined us. It's ridiculous to expect children who aren't even done psychologically developing yet to know and pick their life path and dedicate the rest of their life to it, including going thousands of dollars in debt to get a degree if necessary. It's ridiculous to expect people to not explore and experiment and have some damn fun in life, whether that's trying out 60 different jobs to find something that they want to do or discarding and picking up a new hobby each every single week to find what they actually find enjoyable or playing around with genders/sexualities/names/pronouns/clothes/etc. to figure out their feelings and better get to know who they are.

There is nothing - NOTHING - inherently wrong, bad, or immature about exploration and experimentation in life period.

So what if you relate to trans experiences but are actually cis? So what you identify as trans now for whatever length of time and change how you label later? So what?

I am so tired of the idea that anybody knows what they are doing ever. Nobody knows! We're all just making it up! The imposter syndrome we're putting everyone through for every aspect of their lives - from their jobs to their hobbies to their genders to their sexualities - is out of control. The society we have built is not meant for people. And that's incredibly, incredibly heartbreaking.

People should be allowed to play and explore and experiment!

People should be allowed to grow and change!

People should be allowed to be confused and unsure!

People should be allowed to not know!

People should be allowed to try on identities like we try on clothes at the store!

Fuck the self-gaslighting society is pressuring you to put yourself through.

I don't care what you know for sure. I don't care if you're going by a label you're unsure of. I don't care if you're going by a label you know is technically not the most accurate. I don't care if you stuck up a bunch of identity labels on a dart board, threw a dart, and decided to identify as that one. I'm here for you. The messy, confused, complex, hard to understand you. The real you.

Could it be a thing that you relate to trans experiences, don't really relate to cis experiences, and yet are cis? Sure. (Slightly tangential, but I think you might get some food for thought out of this piece of writing.)

But don't sit here thinking you have to identify as cis because you don't have "proof" of being trans. That's not a thing. It's just what the transphobes want you to think. You can identify as any damn thing you want (let's avoid cultural appropriation, though!), even if you're only 0.5% thinking you might be that thing.

If you think you might be nonbinary, practice not giving into the thoughts like "but I can't really be nonbinary because I'm only just now thinking about it". Practice letting yourself try out being nonbinary! For at least several months, unless it's just too terrible and you realize right away that it's not right for you. Don't debate on this or put yourself through a court of law or beat yourself down. Just let yourself be nonbinary. In a couple months, then come back to the questions of "is this right for me?".

And there is no "right" or "wrong" reason to identify with whatever identity. Some people identify as nonbinary because they have a very specific, pinpointable, non-binary gender. Others identify as nonbinary because they're not really sure but nonbinary makes them the most comfortable. Others identify as nonbinary because they want to be nonbinary. Others identify as nonbinary because they don't relate to or don't understand or don't want to identify with the binarily gendered structure of our society. Whatever your reasoning, it's both valid and nobody else's business (though ofc you can tell anybody why if it's what YOU want to do).

~Mod Pluto

P.S. If anything in this ask comes off as angry or frustrated, it is not with you. It is towards society and bigots who purport attitudes that harm people, even if in seemingly "little" ways like making them feel like they can't trust their own feelings.

#nonbinary #questioning #self doubt #self gaslighting #ask #trans #genderqueer #gender #mod pluto #experimentation #exploration #identity #labels

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thef4ppening · 7 months

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hey, hey you

you’re a dramatic little bitch. And that’s okay

All that being dramatic means is that you have higher emotional needs, and you recognize that and know how to express that

JUST NOW i wrote my ex friends’ names in toilet paper and flushed it. And an overwhelming rush of relief came over me when I gave them up and saw them whisked away from me

was it extra? YEAH. Was it a little much? PROBABLY, DEFINITELY. But I recognized that I was hurting, and I knew that’s what I needed to do to get better

so you know what? Cry your hearts out, listen to a cheesy 90’s breakup song and *weep*. Curl up in bed with your favorite stuffie.

Make poetry, it doesn’t have to be good, it just has to be honest.

Sit by the open windowsill with a warm drink, let the wind hit your face and introspect.

Write the names of the people who’ve hurt you and fucking BURN THEM and SCREAM and SHAKE YOUR FISTS at the sky

the moment you embrace (**constructive**) ways to heal, no matter how silly you feel like it makes you look. Is when, atleast for me, things start looking up. Give yourself room to be,, a little much, it’s okay, you’re allowed.

#mental health #healing #actually mentally ill #actually ocd #actually anxious #dramatic #healing journey #toxic relationship #toxic friends #self gaslighting #self growth

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duskytaless · 9 months

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You can't heal the wounds if you are still justifying his reasons for the way he wounded you.

#life quotes #writers #journal writing #poems and quotes #women writers #writers and poets #writers on tumblr #writing #spilled thoughts #heartbreak #gaslighting #self gaslighting #heart break

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blackcat2300yt · 8 months

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It happens

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xashtray · 2 years

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call me independent. i hate, judge, sabotage, gaslight, abuse and harm myself. i dont need anyone else to do it, i can do it myself.

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dantesjourney · 1 year

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Life is hard a lot of the time. Being resilient is exhausting. No need to add being hard on yourself to the mountain of bullshit.

#mental health #mental health struggles #mental wellbeing #mental heath support #mental illness #stress #self gaslighting #self compassion

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karkod · 3 months

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Easy trick to complete tasks in just 6 steps:

Step 1: Make a bulleted list (like this one). But be realistic, don't set yourself to do more than you can do. Better short and done than long and halfway through.

Step 2: Sort the list by some criterion (exempli gratia: by priority)

Step 3: Erase the last 2/3 of the list.

Step 4: Erase step 3 from your memory. Gaslight yourself.

Step 5: Do all tasks, by order. Remember to take breaks to not overexert yourself :)

Step 6: Congratulate yourself for being so diligent: you completed all you set yourself to!! Now you are bustling with self appraisal.

#i made this post #because while studying for finals #i realized that if the list was shorter #i would completed everything right?#self gaslighting #text post #life hacks #tricks #tips #mine #productivity #unproductivity

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mooshymooshroom · 4 months

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loveyourlovelysoul · 2 years

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Gaslighting and emotional abuse. One of the many experiences we may have been through in our childhood while dealing with emotionally immature/unstable parents, may also involve this acting that ends up making us doubt about our experiences, manipulate us into seeing things differently from how we perceive them (not always for our best) and really are, and minimize our feelings, worth and abilities. We were somehow convinced (and still are sure) that others have it worse, that what is done is done and we need to get over it easily and fast; we learnt to minimize our experiences/feelings in anyway. We're now basically in denial of having being belittled, ignored, and emotionally abused, maybe with sentences like: "You're overreacting/exaggerating it", "Stop going on about it, it's useless/we got it", "It was only a joke", "You're too sensitive/emotional", "Others have it worse", "You're making that up, I never said so".... It's very likely that right now we've picked up our parents/caregivers' habits, and are gaslighting ourselves by thinking we're making things up in our head; that there's something wrong with us/in our brain; that we're not smart enough and therefore not completely trustable; that we or our feelings are wrong or exaggerated (e.g. we're judging others too harshly when we they hurt us, thinking the worse from them when actually didn't mean anything bad); that we are always overreacting; that we don't deserve to/won't ever be happy.

If you recognize any of these traits in yourself/what you've been through, remind yourself that your emotions are valid and you have the right to feel hurt even if others didn't mean anything bad (do not make up excuses for others' behaviour); that if something is stuck in your head, it means it may be triggering for you and it needs attention (no matter if you were told it wasn't a big deal. It is for you, and that's enough to be so); that your past can't and won't define your future. Start trusting your guts, no matter what they tell you: they know better; believe in yourself, and in your abilities; never compare yourself to anyone else (it's impossible to do so as we're all so different on so many levels); stop blaming yourself or feeling bad for asking for help or contacting a therapist/professional. It's very difficult to learn to do even one single thing out of these after being taught so well about how wrong we always are (spoiler: it's a fake news), but it's worth a try. Give yourself the chance, talk about it, ask for help.

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rabbittongues · 2 years

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#vent art #fear #self gaslighting #memory wiping tw #amnesia tw #i better not look back on this and be like 'lmao fucking idiot'#we will see!#hypervigilance

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approximately-174-gremlins · 6 months

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Yall ever like gas light yourself like ahhh my trauma is not *that* bad I am probably just faking it to feel included among mentally ill people but then you get severely triggered by something and have a panic attack and your brain is like nahhhhh that was an exception to the rule you are fs faking every mental illness

#tw trauma mention #tw triggers mention #very vauge but still #self gaslighting #about mental illness

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numb-little-bugg · 2 years

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me: “i’m not mentally unstable.”

*isolates*

*becomes numb*

*relapses*

*almost attempts*

*repeat*

me: “i couldn’t possibly be mentally unstable.”

#don’t we love self gaslighting 😌#depression #self h@rm #su!cide #sewer slide #self gaslighting

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vizthedatum · 9 months

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I lied to people about how put together my life was when I was with my ex-spouse. And when I considered publicly practicing polyamory and then when I eventually did… I kept lying.

I didn’t lie to my ex-spouse. Or to the people I was seeing about who I was seeing. I tried very hard to be upfront because I didn’t want to cheat.

But I lied about the abuse, I lied about the circumstances of my living situation with them, I lied because I was being gaslit so much that I gaslit myself.

And honestly, if I lied about that, I wasn’t being ethical and I wasn’t to be trusted.

And I feel guilty about it. All the people I dated, including my other partner last year… fuck. I tried telling my other partner but I think we were both far too gone to really understand (I am upset at them for not pushing to understand if I was safe and then getting “concerned” about my safety AFTER we broke up because I was dating someone they didn’t like (wtf)).

I don’t want to do unethical polyamory anymore.

Recently I made the point to an ex-friend that I didn’t feel like I could trust them when we were dating for MANY REASONS including their assertion that there were no issues with their relationship with their nesting partner (they tell me they never said that and it’s possible I misinterpreted but also I remember so clearly because I remember all my intuitive signals telling me that they’re lying and posturing). How could I trust them while we were dating if they lied about that? That wasn’t even the worst part. They stayed social media friends with my ex after I told them it was DV because… they were afraid of my ex seeing how many friends they were losing on the social media platform????????? What? They weren’t even close friends with my ex or anything. It honestly was so perplexing, and I honestly felt so disrespected. In retrospect, I didn’t like how I was treated throughout the whole relationship because there was a false sense of security. Not only was I dating someone who was as detached as I was (another fucking mirror), I was breaking my own heart by not questioning behaviors that upset me AND not walking away because I was afraid of being alone.

Just because they weren’t abusive doesn’t mean they were a good person to date… or even be friends with. Just because they know when to say the “pleasant” or nice things… doesn’t mean they were actually nice.

Plus we both had this incredibly stupid entanglement with an even more detached and beautiful human being who basically disregarded both of us while we pined after them. Honestly the whole thing was a fucking mess.

#poly stories #polyamory #unethical polyamory #unethical due to lying to ourselves #healing #trauma #love #neurodivergence #queer #heartbreak #prose #codependent no more #codependency #self gaslighting #gaslighting #ENM #non monogamy #non monogomous #ethical polyamory

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askanaroace · 1 year

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I was wondering if I could get some input on this? All good if not.

I’ve been obsessing over gender envy and tertiary attraction (mainly aesthetic). For the record, am an orientated aroace lesbian, so I’ve never been romantically/sexually attracted to men (or anyone). But when there are drawings or pictures of cool looking guys (usually with sharp jawlines or undercuts) I feel this weird sense? I can’t tell if it’s aesthetic attraction or the fact I really want to look like them. Maybe it’s both? I dunno, it’s really hard to unpack. And I sort of feel like I’m not a real lesbian either since I think guys with specific traits look nice. sorry if this is confusing, I’m just hoping for another person’s thoughts on it.

Okay, so I have two main thoughts.

One: thinking guys with specific traits look nice is not a conflicting position to being a lesbian. As language for more diverse experiences comes out and greater visibility is achieved, so evolves our understandings of such concepts. While classically defined as 'attraction to women by a woman', there's been a lot of evolving definitions these days (largely thanks to nonbinary folk) of being a lesbian as 'non-straight attraction to women', 'non-men loving non-men', etc. It's like...how if you want to look at aromantic history, you have to look into asexual history because aromantic used to be considered more of a subset of asexuality. And if you want to look into asexual history, you have to dig into bisexual history (sorry, I used to have better sources on this but they all got tainted by people who turned out to be Not Great, but peep that asexuality and bisexuality were both defined by 'lack of preference' and so may be been sister-experiences) because bisexual used to be a term that included allo bi people and aces. And if you want to look into bisexual history, you have to look into lesbian and gay history (and if you wanted to look into lesbian history, you'd have to look into gay history). (And this example may make you think that it's been linear but it's absolutely not. Like, today, a lot of people don't like the terms FTM and MTF in regards to trans people but that used to be the terminology, and in fact lesbian not only included bisexuals and aces, it also included trans men!)

Language is messy because humans are messy, so history is messy. Etc., etc., etc. I say it a lot these days, but labels aren't strict/rigid categories handed down by some omnipotent being. They are socially defined tools of communication and they will change with the humans and societies that use them. Language is inherently flexible, at least to some degree.

I think it's amazing how much language we have developed to express ourselves regarding our identity. But I do think the downside of this has been the hyper-separation of communities, leading to such panic like yours, and the pressure to find the Perfectly Fitting Absolutely Fitting Perfect Label(TM), which also implies that all feelings can be clearly and definitively understood and articulated when, for a variety of reasons, often they really just can't be.

A "real lesbian" is simply someone who identifies as a lesbian. And identifying with a term is the only qualifier to being any gender/attraction term. There's no test out there. No diagnosis. No correct answer. Identity is self-determined, for whatever reasons a person has for identifying a way.

Let me give you an example from my personal life because I'm super proud of my sister. She's not aspec, but she is a lesbian. And until she got into a monogamous relationship, she was actively pursing and having sex with both men and women. She had sex with men because she is sexually attracted to men and liked having sex with them. However, she labels as lesbian and lesbian only because her attraction to men is not really meaningful to her. She would only be open to committed and/or romantic relationships with women, and that's the most important part of her feelings/experience to her. And you know what? No one who matters has ever had a problem with that or tried to tell her that she's not a real lesbian. Not even the men who were having sex with her. As stated above, labels are just linguistic tools. Don't let labels control you. Make the labels work for you.

Two: I think there are two main ways we can react to struggles about self-gaslighting (and even general questioning) with your identity.

The first is to run away from being the thing. You eventually beat yourself into despair that you couldn't possibly be a lesbian, so you turn your back on the identity and try to fit yourself into a box that you may fit into but doesn't feel quite right or even into a box that maybe doesn't even fit right in any meaningful way. This comes off as inherently sad, but you know what? Discovery requires exploration. If this is the path you need to take to figure yourself out better and come to terms with whatever labels, then do it!

The second is to lean into being the thing. (Disclaimer: this is how I handled coming to terms with being nonbinary and genderqueer. This method worked for me because "fake it til you make it" tends to be my defacto reaction. It's also how I conquered my phobia of dogs.) Decide "fuck the semantics". Wanting to be a specific identity matters. Honor those feelings. Practice letting yourself be that thing without beating yourself up. It's definitely a difficult skill that takes mindfulness and concentrated effort, but it can also be such a release. Claim the label you want to be. Go out and be the proudest version of that you can. You may just find down the road that you've stopped faking it and are actually feeling it.

(And ofc, leaning into either path may bring unexpected results. By running away from a term, you may indeed find another that you like more. By embracing a term, you may realize it ultimately isn't the term you like the most. None of these paths are wrong. They are all about figuring yourself out, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.)

I am only going to celebrate learning more about ourselves. That should be the purpose of these terms. Labels shouldn't be a prison. They should bring freedom. If the labels you're using don't bring that - try something else. There's a lot of paths you can take to get to whatever the end destination, and the journey is a lot more work and time than the destination, so don't be afraid to take the scenic route and make it enjoyable for yourself! There's no rush. You've got this. :)

I hope these thoughts were helpful to bringing you some level of understanding, comfort, and/or peace.

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