Tumgik
#or do their validation feeds my ego like nothing else
lux-scriptum · 3 months
Note
Silent: they have to be really quiet/hold the moan?
Listen. Listen. I didn't expect to get a response. So how about a hefty snippet (read: the first half) from Elliot and his future bf's meetcute I've been working on for months. I know its cheating, but- eepy and I dont wanna write. Plus this took me months and I'm proud of it
The tiles of the single person bathroom were cool against Elliot’s back. Where his strappy crop top and playful half-jacket didn’t cover, his heated skin pressed right up against it. He barely managed a squeak of discomfort before he was crowded further against the wall. His companion’s mouth found his; he wound his arms over broad shoulders as a thigh pressed between his own. A hand gripped his waist. Tugged him closer. The movement made it impossible to not grind down impatiently. Elliot’s next sound was more a whine than anything else. 
To his utter embarrassment, the man chuckled at his little whimper. A calloused thumb swiped over his hip bone. When he pulled back to complain the man just switched to nibbling on his jaw. His breath huffed out. Fine. Fine. He wiggled instead. “C’monnnn,” he half-whispered as he was forcefully held still. 
Brown eyes twinkled down at him. Then up at him as the man sank to the floor. Those warm, electric hands slid over his skirt and then under. 
“Oh, fuck,” Elliot breathed. He couldn’t look away. Didn’t want to. 
All he got in response was a raised eyebrow as his lacy boy shorts ended up around his ankles. He refused to be embarrassed by how the sapphire color complimented the embroidery on his miniskirt and jacket. It had seemed a good decision at home, and he wouldn’t allow the dingy light of a bar bathroom make him second guess himself. Even if amusement had tipped the mouth that had been pressed against his moments ago up into a half smile. 
“Think you can be quiet?” The whisper was pressed against the strip of skin revealed by his crop top. “I get the feeling you don't want to be interrupted.” 
Honestly, this man could have asked him anything in that moment and Elliot would have nodded. There was something about the crinkle around his eyes, the hair slipping from the halfhearted bun to get in his face, that made Elliot’s heart do little flip flops. The hand gripping his thigh slid up teasingly; Elliot bit his lip in an effort to keep quiet. 
Another kiss was pressed to his skin, this time to his hip. Finally, finally, fingers closed around him. Despite himself he bucked into the touch with a sharp intake of breath. 
“Shh. Be still.” This time there was a scrape of teeth. A question, no real bite yet. Elliot responded with a little twitch. His teeth bit into his lip deeper. It was in vain. A tiny moan escaped anyway at the teasing stroke he got. Those brown eyes flicked up to his. The laughing crinkles got deeper. And then his skirt was pushed further up and the man's mouth was around him. This time he let out a strangled cry, one he quickly muffled with his own hand. Clearly he’d flirted with the right man. The man with his face between Elliot’s legs knew exactly what he was doing. Every flick of his tongue, every long drag down Elliot’s length, every finger dug into his thigh just so, was enough Elliot was trembling. He didn’t even have a name to pant. 
A whimper bubbled up faster than Elliot could stifle it. He grabbed at whatever was closest and found himself with a handful of yellow and orange tye dyed hoodie. The man pulled off with a quiet chuckle. “I know you can keep quiet,” he teased. And then he dove back in like he hadn’t been interrupted. The squeak Elliot let out as he took Elliot down to the base was strangled. There was no moving against this guy’s hold, but Elliot couldn’t help twitching anyway. Surely his nails had to hurt, but the man hadn’t flinched. 
It took less time than Elliot would have liked to come. The entire time the man between his legs never once looked away. He did, however, brace his hands on Elliot’s hips to keep him from sliding down the wall. There was a gentle reverence in the way he slid Elliot’s lacy boyshorts back up Elliot’s trembling thighs. He pressed another playful kiss to Elliot’s hip as Elliot tried to remember how to breathe. Even after he stood he held on for a few moments longer, as if he didn’t trust Elliot to stay upright in his stilettos. 
“You good?” He asked, running a thumb over Elliot’s bottom lip. Elliot nodded mutely. “Good. I’ll be at the bar when you’re ready, okay?”
Elliot nodded again. He watched this stranger, who had just blown his mind, casually grab a smooth black stone off the sink on the way out. As soon as the stone hit his pocket the sounds of the bar came rushing back. Before Elliot could form enough of a thought to splutter at him, he was gone and the door shut again. 
Well. Alright then. Elliot leaned on the sink as he let the noises of people having their drunken fun wash over him. His reflection stared back. Blue eyes wide. Makeup still in place only because Elliot didn’t waste time with subpar product. Lips bitten a little raw, and cheeks a hectic pink. His black curls would never dare to think to be frizzy, but they certainly weren’t the perfection he’d walked into this bathroom with. 
Too few moments passed before someone knocked with more aggression than necessary on the bathroom door. That was enough Elliot gathered himself. He snagged his purse off the ground where he’d dropped it. The woman impatiently waiting shouldered past him like he wasn’t even there. Rude. Rather than let it ruin his good mood Elliot flounced back towards the bar proper to pay his tab.
15 notes · View notes
themonasterygates · 10 months
Text
yandere! chat blanc 🌑 general headcanons
chat blanc x gn reader
content warning: yandere content, stalking, posessiveness/obsessiveness, mention of killing + guilt-tripping
word count: 884 words
Tumblr media
• before your meeting with one another, he was already so far accquainted with you but of course, you don't know have to know about that.
• you caught his attention with how alive your energy was, it drew him in to you. he's admire you from afar for countless of weeks, memorizing your habit of movements and your day to day schedule.
• when he finally does feel certain to approach you, he comes to you as a friendly, concerned hero and asking you where the akumatized person went. he finds himself purposefully putting you in a dangerous situation just to only save you and have you indebted to him. chat blanc yearns for any sort of validation that'll feed his big ego.
• after that encounter, you notice how chat blanc is always near you. everyday. whether it be if it's a slow day and no one gets akumatized, you'll see him patrolling no matter where you look it. it was like he was everywhere with you but you brushed it off as him doing his job.
• with how many times you've encountered chat blanc already, you find yourself growing closer to him. he always subtly flirted with you that would be unnoticed to the naked eyed but you had always managed to catch it. with time, you grow closer with him and so does your relationship circumstances.
• you quickly learned that he wasn't what he was on the surface level and what you had always perceived him as of. chat blanc has posessive tendencies which can be ruled off as him being simply clingy but he sticks to you like glue. he wants to be apart of everything you experience, be in every moment with you and to never have you leave his sight.
• when you're away, he has horrible seperation anxiety. he knows where you are, he always does. but that doesn't stop his anxiety. it's nothing specific but it all stems from his father's negligence (something that you don't really know much of but still, chat blanc opened up a bit to you).
• he loves to (exclusively) call you his "princess/my prince" with every chance he's given. lots of physical affection, no matter or wherever whenever you're with blanc, his hands would always be on you. snuggling, putting his heard on your shoulder with this arms around your waist. if he isn't touching you, he'll look at you straight in the eye with no doubt.
• he simply loves your hands in his. he absolutely loves to draw circles with his thumb on yours and give occasional squeezed. he'd lift the back of your hand up to his cheek and would close his eyes and pur at the feeling. he'd open his eyes, half-lidded, with such a pure and content expression on his face, your heart just melts at the scene. he'll lick your face all over like a cat grooming itself and then would play it off as a joke but you know he genuinely loves licking you.
• he loves to just bite you. your arm, hand, cheek, neck. he'll sometimes (almost all the time) leave your neck with hickeys (even if that isn't the intention at times), preceding to give you a bite mark along with it and then will be smugly oblivious of your annoyance.
• back to his possessiveness, chat blanc gets easily jealous to the people around you and prefer it if he can just isolate you from everyone else. even if someone is conveniently standing next to you, he'd scare the poor person off with all of his glaring as his mind travels to a much darker part of his brain on what to do.
• he brands you as "his", whether if you're dating him or not, he brands you as a "his" and vice versa. he feels entitled for your affection and is unable to handle rejection in any form. he holds you in such a high pedastal and would quite literally unconditionally love you as he unreasonably expects the same from you.
• he's willing (and wanting) to go through such deep lengths to keep you happy in any way. he'll do anything for you, even if it's something he despires doing, as long as it manages to get a giggle out of you, he'll learn to love it as you love it. chat blanc, with no hesitation, would and will kill for you. it can be a bully of yours years ago or someone simply mocking you, you'll always see them again on the news declared as "missing".
• he loves your humility and does not want to "corrupt" you in any way, so when you are suspicious of him relating to the recentissing people, you don't pry much as chat blanc goes out his way to guilt-trip you on your suspicions. "do you not trust me?"
• chat blanc is controlling and he knows just the right ways to make you vulnerable for him but he's desperate for you all the very same. he may have a cold front to others but you bring out a side of him that he didn't even knew he had. he loves you, and he knows it all too well, even if that sense of love that he discerns for you is twisted.
"my heart only beats for you."
412 notes · View notes
n-ehpamoi · 2 years
Text
I wonder if you'd ever read that post, back in the day -- when one was asked to describe the colour red -- something I wouldn't have, at the time, imagined possible.
But, they did, so eloquently and succinctly that it left it's mark on that young me -- The game was invocation -- Words forcing an image to mind, so vivid that you may as well be living it -- -------
You once told me to write about why I loved you -- to describe my love for you -- and for days I agonized about how I could even start to put into words such a feeling -- questioned myself as to the why --
Even thought, in that anguish, if I can't put it into words, then do I truly love you? And even the more esoteric, Am I even capable of love? And it hit me.
I could not describe Love so direct, no more so than another could describe the colour red.
A game of invocation.
What else do I do when I write, but paint something meant for your closed eyes to behold?
-------
I don't remember what I told you -- but I remember that, after the words were sent, I could feel you sink even deeper into your feelings for me.
A poem only you ever read -- One you probably rid yourself of years ago.
I appreciate you taught me a lesson back then, that to this day I hold near. But my question for you is, what part of you didn't trust in me? In the love I so clearly had, expressed, and showed?
You always had me write the things you wanted -- like a dog doing tricks -- I realize now that you didn't want confirmation, but needed a morsel to feed your ego -- That those deeper feelings in which you sunk  had nothing to do with me -- just your own validation.
A naïve me believed that if I couldn't write about my reasons, you would leave -- Another lesson, then -- don't break to the whims of those who test you for their own entertainment. I asked myself if I was capable of love. I should have asked... are you?
68 notes · View notes
cosmichighpriestess · 4 months
Text
It's always your choice if you want to create a reality of heaven or hell. It's all in your state of consciousness. You have all the power to reprogram your beliefs. Reality is literally a figment of your imagination. It's just a story you tell yourself. When you feel fear and worry understand you are creating the opposite of heaven you are creating more lack and hellish realities. You have all the power within to switch your thoughts and beliefs about everything you don't prefer into what you prefer to experience. Focus more on the images instead of the amount you want or the situation you want. Focus more on the feeling and the experience you want. For my loving, strong empaths who are under spiritual warfare understand and remember that preparing for an attack invites an attack, you are creating it within your present belief system but here is a survival guide: Listen, I know that narcissist and the enemy invoke a lot of fear in you on purpose. But always remember fear is actually an illusion.
You never need to bow down to them. They try it with me, they try to manipulate me, control me, gaslight me, the enemy sends me nightmares, attacks, the narcissists make me feel uncomfortable for speaking, being myself, shame me for anything and everything, disrespect me, call me a bad mother for protecting my daughter, make me feel fear for doing something "wrong ", not the way they want it, standing up for myself ect. But that is why you need to become the observer observing their behavior instead of reacting to it. Forget setting boundaries because they don't know what boundaries are. Especially if they are physically abusive. Yes of course, stand up for yourself if you are able to but sometimes that just leads to more heavy abuse. Their demons came to steal, kill, and destroy. Don't fall victim to their old outdated, archaic tactics. They are so predictable.
Zoom out, see the higher perspective. Imagine you are someone else watching this pathetic person belittle another person (you) and you are just silently taking notes on the things they say and do. Think to yourself ,
"Oh interesting that they appear to put down everyone in this movie, everyone at the store and they have nothing nice to say about anyone. Hmmm so I'm just another trigger for them because they are wildly insecure. Oh interesting they have no boundaries because no one told them they felt uncomfortable around them. I'm the first person to introduce them to boundaries. Oh wild, they project onto everyone not just me. The audacity. " And what is it you think the narcissist is actually experiencing within themselves? The reason why they invoke so much fear in you and others for speaking up is because they are the ones who are terrified of being called out. They are actually at an elementary level of consciousness appearing to be grown adults who never received the love they needed from their parents. They are in fear of basically everything. They are afraid of your feelings, they will invalidate your feelings and then attack you for telling them how you feel.
They cannot regulate their self-esteem, or emotions(they are terrified of their own feelings) they are completely dependent on outside validation and narcissistic supply. They need your attention. It's a hit to their ego when you ignore them. They feel entitled to being above the law, being above other people, they feel entitled to your energy. They fear not having a new narcissistic supply to feed off of, they also fear prison/jail for the heinous things they've done to innocent people.
They are afraid of people like me that know their psychology because they don't want you to use their own psychology against them, they don't want to feel any type of shame bringing them back to the shame they felt from their childhood. They feel worthless, unlovable, ect. and they feel as though they have no real value. They feel empty inside, they attempt to fill the void with everything EXCEPT the things that would actually allow them to feel fulfilled and connected to their true self. They are living in constant denial. They live in constant denial that the emptiness is there. Their feelings of lack of self worth is the reason for their exaggerated sense of their worth. They are deeply afraid of the consequences of their own actions. They are afraid that their reputation is going to be ruined. They fear being powerless over you or situations they feel they have no control in which is why they try to take your power away from you to avoid humiliation and accountability.
They don't allow themselves to feel anything they are avoiding and will blame you and twist the truth to make themselves feel better because they are deeply insecure. They barely have any empathy if they have it all. They are in competition with you constantly whether you are aware of it or not. They have no intentions on healing because they are terrified of feeling their feelings and they have invented a false identity they actually convinced themselves is who they are but they have no idea who they are because they avoid inner work so they have no idea who you are and invented a false persona for you. Because it serves their fragile ego.
As you can see they are more afraid of you than you realize. So next time they invoke fear in you and project onto you their own fears and insecurities just start laughing at them. Just go somewhere else. Go outside, in the next room ect. And laugh to yourself because you were more secure in yourself the entire time.
When you are alone, meditate, connect with God, give your burdens to God and your angels or spirit guides and then reprogram yourself so that you no longer attract these types in your future. Love on yourself even if it triggers them, just start believing in yourself and keep observing them without reacting because they feed off ANY reaction or attention you give them. If they are physically abusive, be silent and observe and record them secretly when they are being abusive if you can. Plan out your responses in a smart way. Do not call them out and don't let them know you know their weaknesses. Always carry protection if you are around someone physically abusive and always be ready to hit record on your phone. But it is best to get away if you can, just take your losses because God will give you back everything they took xten. Trust and have faith. And reprogram your beliefs that are creating this situation within yourself because these unfortunate circumstances were created within you first to begin with. All is well, don't worry about anything when you have God no weapon formed against you shall prosper. Keep focusing on yourself and your own happiness, you must have a burning desire to change your state of circumstances by going within.
4 notes · View notes
hella1975 · 1 year
Note
hi okay so, this is a piece of shitty poetry i wrote just now after thinking about your protrayal of zuko (again) and wanted to share bc im a dumb bitch who craves validation and needs to know what you think of this. and if i put a little too much of myself into it in the process, and it became more about my weird relationship with being trans than zuko, it's irrelevant, dont ask questions! it was about zuko initially and i still think it can kinda be applied to him so thats all that matters!! pls forgive the lack of capitalisation, its turned off on my phone and im too lazy to change it :,)
(you dont have to read the next part but if u finish the poem and think it sucks it will explain why lmfao)
BUT FIRST, i need to clarify that ive never written poetry in my life, i know nothing about writing, and my punctuation is definitely all over the place. this whole thing for sure sucks but i have an excuse!! a flimsy one, sure, but still an excuse! im 16 and dont remember ever actually learning gow to write, or all about punctuation or any of that jazz. this is more of a stream of consciousness than a poem. and its just a rough draft so, very unfinished too!! so if u really dont like it that will explain why. basically the point of this whole paragraph is just to tell you that im dumb but im also terrified so please be nice to me bc i will cry and that is a threat! (if im starting to sound hysterical and like im spiralling its bc i am okay pls ignore it)
okay so enough excuses, here she is:
this deep, harsh, incessant feeling of shame harbouring in the bottom of my gut is to me, what roots are to a tree,
solid, strong, and stable,
intertwined with my bones and rooted within my very being.
it feeds me and mother me, swaddling me like an infant and rocking me to sleep from within its familiar, welcoming grasp.
I need it for survival, so integral in my very existence that ripping us apart would destroy all thats left within me.
But yet, we are so very unlike that beautiful symbiosis that the root and plant achieve,
that sweet, simple promise, void of all evil, so pure and light that it, He speaks vengefully about it, spitting sour words into my face and whispering harsh lies into my ears.
Our promise is not so gentle. it solely benefits Him, throwing all of me into the dirt and replacing him with a new unidentifiable creature, borne of self hatred and a need to become something, anything else. a dire need to detach myself from everything ive ever been and anything i could possibly become.
He is a parasite, a horrible looming creature, a cruel beast, making me cower in fear within my own, wretched body. He is cruel, intent on toppling the civilisation i spent so long building, the kingdom of my ego, my heart, my emotion; while i sit, and i watch, and i do nothing.
i may need Him to push the breathe from my lungs and carry the blood through my veins, but, He does not need me. He will never need me. im merely another of his children, an effortlessly replaceable thing. a shameful, ugly creature that He does not care for. that He does love. that He does not need. He does not want me. He does not want me. He does not want me. He does not want me. He does not want me.
anonstie i absolutely adored this you cant write something with the theme of shame written with visceral nature imagery and expect me not to go stupid crazy. the way it starts so structured and delicate just to end with that hysterical repetition like it's all falling apart and i LOVE your wording of things, like 'our promise is not so gentle' is such a sick line. im obsessed with this tysm for sending it me!
10 notes · View notes
bunnyvomit · 2 years
Text
november 22nd, 2022 11:52pm
i’ve finally finished everything i need to do for the night and now i can cry. now i can finally allow myself to begin grieving the love i’ve destroyed.
i know i’m counting my days. my hours. i know whatever mood you were in will not last through a nights rest. i know you needed at least one more phone call, i know it’s easier to let go slowly than rip it off like a band-aid. 
i kept trying to calm myself down like i was a mother talking to her young child. “understand this is the last time you’ll talk to him. it’ll hurt, but you’ll be okay. he’s going to be better off and you know it’s what needs to be done. he’s being generous with this goodbye, do not ruin it.”
nothing you say can hurt me because i deserve it all. i deserve every mean thought that goes across your brain. it doesn’t even make me flinch because every “insult” is the truth. the coldness doesn’t hurt because nothing can hurt me more than knowing i’ve ruined everything. that i betrayed my father’s trust. i know i’m a sorry ass loser. 
i was never the pretty girl growing up. john told me i was beautiful two times in our entire relationship. i accepted i wasn’t attractive and was okay with it. at the time, we were best friends. we laughed, shit talk, and said our “i love you” but it wasn’t love.
you freaked out over how cute i was in my pfp on discord. it was the first time i felt attractive to anyone. i didn’t believe you, i still don’t believe you. i told you the story over and over when i first saw your pictures, i did not want to speak anymore. you were too good looking for me.
the attention boosted my ego, my mood. i didn’t want anyone else but my dad. i wanted to be wanted, but i never wanted to be taken away. i could never be taken away. no amount of money or attention could ever take me away from my dad. nobody. 
i wince, cringe, and cry every time i say i’m sorry. because how could i ruin the only person in my life that has made me feel loved inside and out. how can i be sorry when i wanted ten minutes of satisfaction from strangers. because i’m bored. because i’m insecure. because i need to feel wanted/pretty to be valid as a human being. i’m sorry i loved feeling like i was wanted but untouchable. i’m sorry your attention wasn’t enough at times.
maybe it was too much reddit, maybe it was too much consuming social media, maybe it’s just the fear that’s been living in my for years. before i met you. before i even turned 18, i feared aging and not being desired. i bounce between men. i’m unstable. i have bpd. i’m stuck in a little girls mindset that craves a father figure. no man wants to baby a 30 something year old woman. 
charles was a virgin, john was a virgin. i didn’t worry about their past life because we were just dumb young teenagers. i didn’t know how extreme my jealousy issues could/would get. i didn’t know i would still be holding onto the pain after all these years. i didn’t know i would use your family and younger ex’s to feed into my fear. 
my love for you was never a lie. my love for you was intense and genuine. it makes me sad i’ll never be able to love or be loved like we did with each other. 
you healed and fixed me. i’m nowhere near perfect but i’ve changed for the better. i have a long way to go but you’ve given my 100 different stepping stones to becoming better. i’m sorry you were my first real relationship. i’m sorry for every cruel thing i’ve ever said to you. i’m sorry i had to figure out the world through you. i’m sorry we met at the wrong time.
i mean it when i said you healed and gave me the childhood i missed out on. i didn’t know how tense and angry i was until you had to break a lot of it out of me. i didn’t know how much i needed you. you are the smartest man i’ve ever met. you are the kindest, gentlest, most patient soul that’s ever cared for me. i promise i’ll take care of my myself. i promise i’ll take my contacts out every night for you. i promise i’ll take my vitamins more often. i owe you everything. i promise i’ll apologize to the birds, i promise i’ll tell them the truth when they see me crying
i do not know how i’m going to do tomorrows dinner. i do not know how i’m going to move on in my life. i do not know how i’m going to make it alone. i do not know what to do. i do not know how i’m going to sleep. i do not know how i’m going to wake up. i do not know what i’m going to do with myself. i don’t know what to do when i see something funny. i don’t know what i’m going to do when i need help or i’m freaking out. every video that is entertaining is our videos. every video game is our video games. every joke is our joke. everything i do is for/with each other. i dont know what im going to do wheni im scared. i dont know what im going to do when i want to share exciting news. 
i’m sorry. from the bottom of my heart. you will always have my heart, no matter how much you do not want it. it will always and only be yours. even if that means you put my heart in a box and stick it in the attic to never be looked or touched again. i’m forever your bunny. that’ll never change. your bunny is so so sorry for hurting you. no matter how long time has passed, i’ll always run to you. if you call, i’ll run. if you scream for me, i’ll run. if you whisper for me, i’ll run. i’ll always be looking for a sign from god that you’re missing me as much as i’m missing you.
i’ll beg and plead to the sun and clouds for you everyday. i’ll cry and wail to the moon and stars for you every night. i’ll talk to the flowers all about you. i’ll tell the ocean how gentle you were with me. i’ll tell the trees how much i loved you. i’ll tell every squirrel, rabbit, lizard, bird, and fish i meet that you were the only one for me.
said it's nice to love and be loved but I'd rather know what god knows
1 note · View note
ddarker-dreams · 3 years
Text
Yan Diluc, Childe, Kaeya & Zhongli / Darling Saying “I hate you.”
Tumblr media
Warnings: Suggestive themes and typical unhealthy yandere behavior. Note: sometimes in life we just gotta suffer,
Tumblr media
Diluc had told himself that this was for your own good.
That’s what gave him the ability to rest at night -- while holding the knowledge of all the freedoms he’s taken from you -- that you are safe. There’s air in your lungs, healthy color to your cheeks, and life shining brightly in your eyes. It’d be selfish to ask for anything more, he would reason. This is good enough, is what he’d think, not fully sure if he believed the creed himself. 
Now he knows those words were but a lie to cover a gaping wound in his heart.
He gazes at you now, his hand reaching out, only to stop when you flinch away. The reality that he tried so desperately to push down has risen to the surface, your turmoil not easily ignored. Diluc needs to remain steadfast as he considers hesitation an insult. Certainly, he is low for holding you here against your will, but it’d be that much worse if he started questioning himself. 
“I know,” is the strained answer he arrives at. You hear the pain in his voice, how the words were all but pried from him. “I’ve always known.” 
“Then why?” You plead, exasperation pushing you past the limit. His head is hung low for once, unable to meet your scrutinizing gaze, instead taking an acute interest in the wooden floorboard beneath his feet. 
It brings him back to his childhood, like a kid being scolded for an illogical grievance against their sibling. Your question strikes deep and close to the heart. His answer comes fast, almost robotic, as if he’s practiced it in the mirror countless times.
“For your safety.”
And so you won’t leave like everyone else has.
Tumblr media
Exchanging thinly veiled antagonism behind the guise of banter has always thrilled Childe. This game the two of you play, he wouldn’t change it for the world, deriving too much satisfaction in your flustered reactions. Every day is spent thinking about when he’ll get to see you next, what words might bring out the cutest expressions. 
The manner you deliver the line is frigid and he can’t help but be reminded of  Snezhnaya’s climate. For a fleeting moment, it stings, like snowflakes against bare skin. If there’s anything Childe excels at, it’s warding off the cold. He laughs, once, twice, face illuminated with uncanny elation. 
You watch in disbelief as he treats your honest admission as nothing but a joke. There’s nothing you can think to say to describe the frustration that grows in the depths of your soul, Childe’s response encapsulating exactly why you said it in the first place. Half of you considers leaving him where he stands, but you know better, he’d follow after you relentlessly. A Fatui Harbinger’s ability to spot and track their prey cannot be understated.
When his laughter starts to settle down, he speaks. “So the truth comes out, hm?” 
Childe stalks towards you, sporting a wolf-like grin that sends shivers down your spine, every step you take back not enough to increase the space between you two. Eventually, your back hits the wall. Childe takes advantage of your lack of escape, taking your chin in his hand and placing his arm by your head. At that moment, it’s impossible to ignore the looming height difference, though he leans down to look at you closer.
“Hate me all you want,” he hums, his voice dipping lower with each syllable. “But I’m not going anywhere, ever, so keep that in mind. And who knows?”
Childe winks at you.
“Maybe I have a thing for being degraded.”
Tumblr media
To be looked at with suspicion is nothing new to Kaeya. Everyone has their own reasons for doing so, whether it be to his cunning nature creating suspicion, or his country of origin. Though, he admits, your reasoning is far more personal than that. After all, his schemes have sent you into a whirlwind of misfortune. 
Kaeya moves back, observing how your chest rises and falls with each labored breath, the way you refuse to look him in the eye. He’s quietly grateful that your former entangled position didn’t grant you the ability to see his face, as shock undoubtedly must’ve crossed over it. Moment’s later, he’s collected, in control of every twitch and crease of his expression. 
“Hm, while I never excelled in my linguistics tutoring, I think I’m familiar enough with the word hate to draw a different conclusion,” Kaeya nods to your discarded clothes on the floor, to which you flush even brighter than before. “Is that what you’d call this? You were throwing yourself at me just a few seconds ago, y’know.” 
He’s getting under your skin on purpose. You know this, seeing the trap he’s laid out without even trying to hide it, yet still fall for it to defend yourself.
“Where else am I supposed to go, when no one even looks me in the eye anymore?” You challenge, wiping the saliva from your lips with the back of your hand. Kaeya hums, considering your inquiry, fingers rubbing circles into your skin as he does so. The contact makes your mind hazy, being deprived of physical contact having done a toll on you. To come to him for comfort is a blow to your pride.
“Your hand could’ve always helped with that, but you still chose mine.” Kaeya smiles, ducking down to press open-mouthed kisses against your neck. You decide not to honor him with any further response. It feeds into his ego and that’s the last thing you want, so you close your eyes and sigh. 
He pauses for a brief moment, not willing to let it go. “Not that I’m complaining, of course. I’ll always find a way to make time for you.” 
Tumblr media
Zhongli places his cup of tea down onto the table, outward reaction schooled and giving nothing away. It’s a pathetic, last-ditch attempt to earn an emotional response, even you know this. From how he whispers archaic prose into your ear about his love and adoration for you, you were expecting at least... something. A frown, furrowed eyebrows, pain in his amber eyes. Anything. 
His visage remains unchanging. You drum your fingers against the table, narrowing your eyes and jutting your bottom lip out. It took you weeks to work up the courage to tell him this! Indignation and embarrassment blossom inside your chest, threatening to suffocate you. Any other time he’s talkative, but for some reason, he’s decided to take some vow of silence now. 
You perk up expectantly when he clears his throat. 
“It was never in the terms of our contract for you to have positive feelings towards me,” Zhongli decides, raising the cup to his lips and blowing. “Though, if I might add, I would personally like it if you did.” 
Maybe it would’ve been better if he stayed silent after all. There’s no validation to be found in his taciturn response, no substance to appease your burning frustration. The word contract sticks out like a sore thumb. Petty as it might be to continue this exchange, you feel vindicated enough to do just that.
“Correct me if I’m wrong, but I believe the correct term would be marriage, not contract.”
“Are the two not one and the same? You’ve pledged yourself eternally to be my significant other, in the same way a contract binds two parties together.” Zhongli watches how you slide down into your seat dejectedly. Attempting to start an argument with Zhongli was akin to yelling at a brick wall, you decide.
“Don’t act so proud of yourself for swindling my parents into believing you’re an upstanding person.” 
His lips quirk up for the briefest of moments.
“Correct me if I’m wrong, but I believe the term would be negotiating, not swindling.” 
You leave him to eat his breakfast alone. 
1K notes · View notes
henqtic · 3 years
Note
Can you do a draco x reader with us watching a film and reader saying how they’re crushing over a certain character
𝘭𝘦𝘰’𝘴 𝘮𝘰𝘷𝘪𝘦
pairing: draco malfoy x fem!reader
word count: 1.6k (1674)
authors note: just pretend that the battle of hogwarts never happened— that event ruins everything :/ and thanks for requesting !! it made me get a lot more inspiration to finish my other wips <3
Tumblr media
masterlist. // taglist form. // request more works.
—————————
the room smelled of freshly buttered popcorn, soft drinks, and unhealthy snacks and for the same reason the night celebration was in place, strong mint gum. tonight was cleared, a time for you and draco to just relax, cuddle up within each other and have a break from everything going around.
the years after graduating a boarding school were life changing, even wizards themselves who could conjure up almost anything they’d ever want or possibly dream of but still, it was the time of realization for who and what you wanted to be.
and yes, there were the newts but they didn’t help much once you really got a look into the real world. many had found a passion in something that seemed wondrous— more fun. traveling and exploring the world, maybe even discovering more mystical creatures that hadn’t been learned in a simple care of magical creatures class and weren't seen in their own time because their parents didn't have the resources.
and some were set on everything but those test scores, a family business awaiting their sole airs take over and draco well, he was a part of that some. and surprisingly enough, even after all that time and all of those expectations set on him to live up to and stay in his family standard, he didn’t, and it was much to your encouragement.
his interest in healing sprung up in his last year of schooling coming to the conclusion that he’d been a prejudiced bully— not that he hadn’t already known that but, of course he did. but once he was left with less than five friends and a girlfriend who was steadily distancing herself further and further away from him, it set in.
so that’s where it started, him identifying nearly all of his mistakes and attempting to heal what had been broken relationships— which most never really did. but it was a change, and a good one at that, it brought him an inner joy, not for the factor of him getting things out of it like you wanting to be in his company more often but that he was mending the seemingly unfixable things.
it made him want to do that and not run a stuffy business that didn't do much but treat their workers poorly and customers even worse so he turned to medicine. observing how so many things lined up with potions, adding the right amount of this, and crushing that up the right way, to make a final product. a product that would soon heal the injured and bring a great smile to both of their faces.
but what he hadn’t realized was that being a healer took time and hard work— almost unusual to someone like him, being constantly handled things and easy ways out but with this, there was no fast tracking or getting anywhere if you didn’t have the right skill set or talents.
so to say he wasn’t ready for it would be a wrong statement. but to say he was exhausted, completely drained of all energy would be completely right. even after all of your cheering on, reminding him that it was only a few more months of studying and one big more test until he’d get to know if he earned his title of healer malfoy.
and usually, that worked, but after tonight after taking that so called big test, his mind was racked with anxiousness. if he didn’t pass, his father would be on his back, telling him how it was a waste of money and how he should've listened to him to that you’d even be disappointed in him— unlikely but as said before, there was nothing but anxious thoughts and anxious scenarios coming through.
so it was painfully clear that your natural remedies wouldn’t work, countless amount of neck kisses and back rubs and muscle soothing not sufficing so you both agreed on the last thing you couldn’t think about, a simple night with the television on, just in each other’s company to try and get his mind off of things—
“you said this was a muggle film, correct?” he called out for confirmation, eyeing the packaging of the movie you called.. the titanic?
“mhm, one of my favorite movies, i just know you’ll love it,” you said from the other side of the living room with a wide smile on your face, near close to beating a cheshire cats. the movie itself was beautiful, you couldn’t lie, the directing and acting brought tears to your eyes almost every time you watched it.
but there was ‘something’ else that could bring tears to your eyes, a gazing stare at the screen whenever his parts would come on.
draco handed you the plastic, allowing you to remove the disk and insert it into the dvd player. you quickly made your way back into the make shift bed made out of blankets and pillows and once the black screen turned green, copyrighted warnings started, you tucked yourself into his awaiting arms.
“why’d you say you loved this again?” he asked for the second time, limbs wrapped around your body as you searched for a response.
“umm, really eye catching.”
and yeah, of course, you were comfortable with him, growing up going to the same school for months at a time and then dating for a good fraction of those years. there was also the memory of a night where you two tirelessly played a game of dare or dare, multitudes of dares coming both your ways to say the most embarrassing, weird, or even azkaban worthy things you’ve done.
but it was something else telling him that you were crushing over a fictional character— who wasn’t even that since the story was true but you were crushing on the actor of that said fictional character that you had no chance with and that, well it was something better left unsaid.
and as it went on, he could see that too, the way your eyes were stuck onto the screen the other blonde was in frame— on the break of amusing how’d the only time your attention would shift is when he’d reach you another piece of popcorn, you offering a grateful smile before focusing back.
your mouth was slightly agape, opening for another piece just how the rhythm had been going, him eating one, him feeding you one, him eating one and so on but now he was beating it further and further away from before your body eventually gave up, falling on his chest.
“hey, why’d you that?” you groaned, annoyed that you were now looking at him from below instead of watching the film.
“why’d you say you picked this again?” his eyes were narrowed down at you, a sly smirk in place. you moved around, trying to remember your excuse and hide the growing smile arising to your face.
“I already told you, it’s eye catching.”
“no,no,no, who’s eye catching?” he asked again, this time correcting himself in order to get a more truthful response. you let out a half embarrassed, half astonished laugh before answering—
“if i tell you, you can’t laugh.” all he did was raise his eyebrows at you, positioning you on his lap, signaling for you to go on with two taps of his finger on your thighs.
“okay well—�� you paused, a loss of words and a huff following, “all i’m saying is if jack were to run me over... i’d be the one to apologize.”
your tone of seriousness only made the barks of laughter from the boy underneath you louder, a small pout coming on your face as a response trying to not end up laughing at yourself—
“jack, are you serious? he’s one of the most basic people i’ve seen,” he said through breaths of air, slight tones of jealousy coming out making your head turn in feign sympathy.
“you do know that i’m dating you, right?”
“yea and what’s that supposed to mean?”
“your eyes are blue and hair is blonde and you’re the typical skinny wh—” you started, responding to his defensiveness in the best way possible.
“it sounds like you’re just describing him.” point completely missed. “and so what, what could a fictional character do for you that i couldn’t?” he asked with a smirk, your face saying nothing but unfazed and unamused.
“fine even though if you were listening you'd know that he’s not completely fictional, but everything. would you ever go down with me on an unsinkable ship and then let me survive only the door we could find?” you asked, sighing after like it’d been a dream of yours.
“no. love, take this as me caring for you but i don’t think we’d sink on an unsinkable ship— it’s in the name.”
“were you not listening? and stop, it’s romantic, don’t ruin this for me,” you scolded, lightly hitting his arm.
“they both could’ve gotten on, jack just wasn’t the brightest. and would you really rather date someone that daft over me?” his nose scrunched to further show his disgust, your scoff not failing to sound after.
“know what, if you were a fictional character, no one would like you.”
“sure, i bet i’d have at least two hundred of you treating me like him.” the smugness in his tone was apparent than ever. you loved him, more than anything in the world but, he wasn’t much compared to jack dawson. 
and then came the other obstacle, there not being a valid way to prove to someone like him, with such an inflated ego that no one would like a fictional character version of him. and when you repeated that, he was extremely butt hurt, still allowing his arms to reopen for you to snuggle back in.
single moments passed, another film starting to ease the argument before he spitefully grumbled, “i’d have people all over me.”
“no you wouldn’t!” you whisper shouted back tilting your head up to see his pouting face. 
“yes I would, don’t doubt me—”
Tumblr media
general // draco malfoy taglist - @draco-malfoys-significant-other @clownybrit @axgelre @lovecroftreads @oh-my-ronron-mphfpc-fanfic-heart @turn-to-page-394-please @callmesasha  @aguamvnti  @dracosathenaeum @fives-cup-of-coffee @dracomalfoys-wh0re  @sfdlm @marrymetheonott @becgggg @gwlvr @bella-lxhp @trashyvicks @Imtryingbutithurts @potterheadtwilighter @galimalfoyweasley @tomandjaebae @mrsmaifoy @riddleswh0r3crux @drachoesimp @eunoniaa @elevatorsdoor @dlmmdl @hogwarts-boys  @akaaaaashiiii  @90smalfoy  @dracosaccount @ambi-doo12 @mypainistemporary @ang9lic @daltonacademia @inglourious-imagines @willowmores @fjorelaant @slutfordracoluciusmalfoy @axgelre @beforeoursunsets @catching-the-train-to-hogwarts @writeandtranslate @catching-the-train-to-hogwarts
to be added to my taglist fill out this form or send me an ask of who you would like to be tagged for !
Tumblr media
363 notes · View notes
chroma-ki · 4 years
Text
What Happens When Society Fails Those Who Could Succeed - A Bakugo Katsuki Analysis
Tumblr media
I started this a while ago, but I’ve seen others delve into this topic and I wanted to share as well. This delves into to hero society’s affects on Bakugo Katsuki’s upbringing, his worldview, his self-view, and Izuku’s involvement in breaking down the ideas society has drilled into his head. 
A lot of people like to ignore the fact that Katsuki is a 14-year-old kid at the start of the series and that much of his life, attitude and disposition of the world have been completely shaped by the adults and society around him. 
What do you expect a kid with potential to turn into when they are warped in such a way by a society that dictates that they need to be strong, or nothing at all? What about when your only value is based around a sliding scale of strength and weakness? What happens when that kid’s only source of help comes in the form of a reckless, selfless child who defies all sense of logic and reason (Izuku)?
Growing up, Bakugo was constantly praised for being strong, having a powerful quirk and being generally the smartest person in the room at any given time. He could arguably be considered a prodigy, and much of what he sees and learns feels beneath him -- because it's already on his mind. He is a kid with natural god-given talent that everyone around him immediately recognizes as above average. 
Even as a toddler, he was constantly a step ahead of everyone else. Due to this, people developed a lot of high expectations for him at a young age -- and it doesn't help that he has a naturally competitive streak that makes him constantly want to prove himself and live up to these expectations; even surpass them.
Always being at the top of his class and being ahead of the curve mentally fuel the idea in Katsuki's mind that, in the game of life, he is 'winning'. Yet, at the same time, none of it is ever enough. Other's high expectations of him cause him to build extremely high expectations of himself; expectations that border on unrealistic. They also inflate his ego exponentially when this praise gets reaffirmed time and time again.
Certainly, in a situation where you're raised on other people's praise and validation, it is completely understandable that you would put a lot of emotional emphasis on other people's opinions of you. On top of that, he gives off such a natural and convincing air of confidence that people can't help but feel that he is reliable, despite his attitude. People are awed by him, and all of it feeds into the mental image he has constructed of himself, and the world as a whole. It's the whole reason for a lot of how he acts. He builds an image of himself based on the praise of those around him -- and even Izuku also feeds into this mentality by worshipping the literal ground Katsuki walks on as a kid.
Tumblr media
This mentality seems to be working fine for him until Izuku's very presence starts to throw a wrench into everything Katsuki has been raised to believe. 
Izuku completely defies logic to Katsuki. Izuku does not fit the societal norm and, beyond what others have taught him, Izuku is Katsuki’s only real hint that the world might not be quite what he thinks it is, and that his idea of what it means to be strong may not be a ‘one-size fits all’ defenition.
Izuku is a quirkless kid; weak and generally mild-mannered. He doesn't have any self-confidence and is a big crybaby. Yet, Izuku still believes that he can be strong and become a hero -- when Katsuki has always been told the opposite. Katsuki recognizes that this may be some version of strength he is unaware of, and it raises BIG RED FLAGS in his mind.
Where many of Katsuki's other childhood friends were barely more than acquaintances who he forgot over time, Izuku immediately caught Katsuki's interest and spiked his curiosity. Like everyone else in his life, Izuku praised Katsuki and told him all the things he wanted to hear -- but Izuku was also unique and intelligent. Izuku was the first person who actually seemed like they could stand near Katsuki's level; like they might be actual competition. 
Then, Bakugo got his quirk and Izuku is diagnosed as quirkless. The reactions of everyone around him to this news, including Izuku’s own reaction, only go back to telling him what society has told him all along. Strength is everything, and quirks are a part of that desired strength. This is another moment that reaffirms Katsuki's world view. "I won, you lose. I really am the best."
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Though Bakugo is super aggressive on the outside, he is a very self-critical character and often means the opposite of whatever he is saying. Especially when it comes to his self-confidence and bravado. 
People often complain when watching the series about him telling people to 'die' and "got to hell", or calling other people "extras", and I don't think enough people understand -- that is just how he speaks. Those are things he says out of reflexive anger. None of those words ever have any real meaning. 
It's more important to pay more attention to the moments in which he is more reserved/quiet. He suffers from both a superiority complex and inferiority complex, as well as paranoia (much of which revolves around his warped idea of how Deku, and other people he values, perceive him). Much of what he says is just empty words or him trying to project an image of self-confidence.
He wears his pride like a suit of armor to hide all the things he doesn't want to admit about himself. He attempts to make up for his own insecurities by getting angry. And he learned this at home from his mother, who is much the same as him.
From the little that we have seen of his parents throughout the series so far, his parents love him and provide him with everything he could possibly need -- but his mother often insults him and throws harsh truths in his face to counteract his cocky nature. One of the most notable instances of this is when All Might and Aizawa are talking to his parents about moving the kids to the dorms and his mom says "If you hadn't have gotten yourself caught by the villains in the first place, none of this would have happened".
That comment feeds directly into his mental breakdown in front of Izuku where he blames himself for All Might's downfall, flat out saying that "If I hadn't been kidnapped by villains, then it never would have happened".
Tumblr media
It gets me every time if you go back to the 8th episode of the series, near the VERY BEGINNING -- right after he's defeated by Deku for the first time in combat training -- and the episode literally starts with him having a full on panic attack. 
He's trembling, hands shaking, hyperventilating, the whole deal. And that particular incident was triggered not only by Deku defeating him and standing up to him (which completely contradicts the Izuku that Bakugo has grown up with all his life and feeds into Bakugo's own fear that he is weak), but is also brought on by the fact that he notices how severely Deku allowed himself to be injured JUST TO WIN THE EXCERSIZE. Again, this idea that even the weak can be strong. It also doesn’t help that he cares about Izuku and doesn’t want to see him get hurt.
And I'm sorry -- but below does not look like the face of someone who's pissed off to me. He looks PETRIFIED.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Izuku doesn't just piss Bakugo off -- Izuku TERRIFIES him.
There are actually multiple instances of him reacting like this to Izuku injuring himself throughout the series: sludge villain, sports festival fight against Todoroki and the training camp where Bakugo was kidnapped being the major ones I can think of beyond current managa events. Bakugo may claim to ‘hate’ Deku, but he DOES NOT like to see Deku hurt himself to win, or to save. 
Bakugo saw this 'self-sacrificing' trait in Izuku even as a young kid, and it freaked him out. It made him feel weak. It made him question himself and the world around him.
This fear starts with the incident where Bakugo fell off the log as a kid. 
Tumblr media
It wasn't a life threatening situation, but it was the first situation where Izuku rushed to Bakugo's aid with complete disregard to himself AND when everyone else refused to help. 
Bakugo's friends, teachers and parents all held him to such high expectations of intelligence, power and strength -- so of course those would be the values that he grows up idolizing. No one ever really offered him help, because they assumed he didn't need it -- and then Izuku comes rushing in offering it to him, risking his life to do so, and Katsuki's only thought is "Why?! Why do you feel like you have to save me when you can't even protect yourself? Needing to be saved means that I'm weak! Do you think that I'm weak?" I have recently watched another show that had a similar scenario and that character explained what I believe Katsuki felt in this situation BEAUTIFULLY.  ------ “It felt like [he] was trying to say I was weak or something. [He] was intruding on feelings [he] didn’t have any right to – and I hated it. Then that got me thinking about everyone else in my life. They never treated me like I was a weakling; someone who needed his hand held. They had faith that I would continue to grow and they let me do it; helping me without ever making me feel weak.” 
Izuku continues to do this again and again throughout the series when it comes to Bakugo: the slime villain incident, the training camp, etc -- all without fully comprehending how his actions affect Bakugo. Each time this happens, Bakugo feels weak and utterly helpless to save himself OR to stop Izuku. It's all his worst fears realized.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
It's like living his worst nightmare over and over without end in sight.
Going back to the concept of him being offered 'help', very few people have offered him this throughout his life -- and they all saw it as something he never really needed. It's like Katsuki's personality and mental state is a huge sign screaming 'I DON'T UNDERSTAND! NOTHING MAKES SENSE! IT MAKES ME MAD AND UPSET! SOMEONE, HELP ME.' and everyone just ignores it.
--- During the log incident - all his friends say 'Oh well, he's fine. He'll pick himself back up.' and Izuku is the only one who offers to help. 
--- The sludge villain incident - all the pro heroes say "We can't help right now! You'll just have to hold on, kid!" and again Izuku is the only one who offers help.
--- After his and Deku’s first fight at Ground Beta, which utterly breaks him, all the other students just let him leave alone and only Izuku rushes to help. All Might sees him upset and crying after this and says, “Oh, I guess he’s already over it” -- when that obviously wasn’t the case. 
--- And then -- to top it all off -- after he was kidnapped by the LOV and held captive for 3 days without help he wasn't even given time to process! He was taken away by police, ridiculed by his mother, forced to go back to school where his teachers acted like nothing happened, jumped into the provisional hero licensing exam with all those helpless feelings rolling around inside of him and on top of it found out that Izuku received All Might's power -- a power that he had spent his whole life putting on a pedestal. And he goes to Izuku for help.
The fact that everyone just brushed him off like he was someone who didn't need help is just disgusting. The only instance where an adult in his life acknowledged that he needed it was AFTER he already had a full on mental breakdown in front of Izuku, blaming himself for everything that had gone wrong and thinking that he had somehow been living his life wrong all this time. Only then did All Might and Aizawa think, ‘Yeah, maybe we failed this kid.’ 
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Keep in mind during all of this that he is 15-16-years-old! He's trying to figure out how to deal with this shit all on his own, with the only person he feels comfortable opening up to being Izuku - someone who he has so much trouble understanding.
At the heart of Katsuki is a place of fear. Fear of being weak, fear of being helpless, fear of failure, fear of losing his friends, fear of himself, most certainly fear of Izuku -- and fear FOR IZUKU. He is a boy who lives in a constant state of panic, worry and paranoia. He is lonely and beats down on himself a lot.
Tumblr media
The series deals a lot with how hero society has completely failed it's future generations, but Katsuki is a case where they should have succeeded -- yet ultimately they failed him too. He has all the makings of what could be one of the greatest heroes of all time, yet those around him only focused on the parts of him that could make him great and chose to ignore all the parts that would ruin him from the inside out. 
They put him high up on a pedestal only to knock him down and refuse to help him back up. They made him feel like even asking for help was something that made him 'lesser', and it caused him to see other people that way too.
Izuku is the heart of Katsuki's growth, because in every way that Izuku succeeds, Katsuki fails. 
I would actually argue that out of anyone in the series since coming to UA, Katsuki has experienced the highest amount of personal failure. He has been knocked down time and time again but ultimately wants to pick himself back up to prove that he deserves to be there. He fights for his friends and tries his best at everything he does. He doesn't always get it right, and he says things that might offend others, but other than Izuku, he's the most driven person there and would utterly destroy himself to reach his goals.
459 notes · View notes
yandere-daydreams · 4 years
Note
I love your Lucifer/MC/Diavolo stuff so much... What if they wanted to keep their darling forever, but needed their soul to do it? Cue Lucifer... "persuading" their darling to make a pact with one of them while Diavolo watches and occasionally comforts their darling and tells them to just give in so things can go back to the way they were... Even if it's more logical to suffer a lifetime of torture to spend eternity in the Celestial Realm than to give up their soul, it's easier said than done.
Any scenario with Lucifer and Diavolo feels like a scenario I’d be happy to write. Especially one where they’re lording over their poor, unfortunate Darling, the more powerless the better.
Title: Methods of Persuasion.
TW: Mentions of Torture, Mentions of Death, Bondage and Kidnapping. 
~
In moments like this, you began to wish you’d caught the eye of a less thoughtful demon.
You didn’t want to fight any of the brothers, if you were being honest. They’d been precious to you, they are precious to you, but if you had to, some would certainly be easier to escape than others. Mammon was determined, but careless, he’d forget something and you’d take advantage of that. Satan was smart, but he could be distracted, and you could get away. Beelzebub was emotional, Asmodeus was a pacifist, Leviathan had a temper, and Belphegor could be violent, but he never failed to take the path of least resistance when it came to conflict. Lucifer was… difficult, in comparison. You couldn’t slip out of iron shackles, nor could you break the wood of Diavolo’s headboard with so little slack to work with. You couldn’t attack him, not when he was careful to stay an arm’s length away, and nothing you shouted, yelled, screamed made a difference, his disposition as cool and collected as it always was. Making him as untouchable as he always was.
And with Diavolo so eager to impress, you couldn’t make him do anything besides sit back and admire his companion’s work.
He was already smiling, a grin spread across his taut lips as he unconsciously leaned towards you, perching himself on the side of your bed as he scanned over your restraints, your torn clothes, you. Lucifer wasn’t as blatantly content, his satisfaction buried beneath layers of lukewarm apathy, but he was still hovering over Diavolo’s shoulder, waiting for a reaction, a validation of his hard work. Like a dog, waiting to see if it’d fetched the right object for his owner. “You outdid yourself,” Diavolo confirmed, allowing Lucifer the barest hints of a smirk. “I could’ve helped, y’know. I’m sure (Y/n) didn’t give you too much of a struggle, but whether or not you believe it, I am a demon. I’d like to think I’m a capable one, too.”
“A man of your status shouldn’t have to lower himself.” It was a hollow declaration, considering you and Diavolo are both well-aware that any task Lucifer chose to take up was a task he believed no one else could do correctly. Diavolo accepted it nonetheless, nodding along as Lucifer continued to feed his own ego. “I don’t mind getting my hands dirty, not when we share a vice--”
“If you two are done jerking each other off,” You cut in, letting your chains rattle for emphasis as you shifted, settling onto your back with a noticeable amount of effort to seem comfortable. “I’d like to know where I am, and more importantly, why I’m here. I don’t remember agreeing to any of you schemes, Lord Diavolo, and Lucifer, if I did something to break one of your many oh-so-essential rules, I think I deserve a warning before you chain me to a bed for it.”
Despite the latter half of your declaration, Diavolo never wavered, his delight holding strong as he clasped his hands together, his colorless knuckles the only indication of his anxiety. “You don’t have to be afraid,” He started, taking on a rehearsed, manufactured tact. “Luci’ and I are here to offer you an… arrangement, of sorts. You see, my companion’s grown awfully fond of you.” Lucifer’s hand came to rest on Diavolo’s shoulder, as much in support as it was in warning. Diavolo had the decency to move on quickly. “We’ve grown fond of you. And, because of that--” His expression grew conspiratorial. Softening, but taking on a dangerous edge. “--we’d like to make you a demon.”
You opened your mouth, your disgust coming instantaneously, but Lucifer spoke before you had a chance to, mistaking your apprehension for confusion. “A demon of sorts,” He corrected, coming to stand beside Diavolo. “You won’t be as powerful as a fallen angel or a creature born demonic, but you’ll be immortal, and you’ll be able to stay in the Devildom for as long as you wish. You’ll be strong, and safe-guarded, and you’ll be able to stay with us.” This time, when he glanced towards Diavolo, his eyes were brimming with affection, with expectation. He didn’t doubt you would accept. To him, it wasn’t even a possibility. “All you have to do is give Diavolo your soul. It’s more symbolic than anything - to show your loyalty. And I can promise you, it won’t hurt. Not after the transformation is complete.”
For a moment, you were too stunned to respond. It was a terrible offer to make, an awful thing to propose unprompted. You were kept in the dark about most spells and forms of magic, but souls were important, and offering yours couldn’t be as harmless as they were trying to make it seem. You’d be lucky if you were just bound to Diavolo. In the worst possible scenario, you’d be his creature, you’d be under his control rather than your own. You didn’t want to be immortal, you didn’t want to be a demon, and whatever relationship Diavolo and Lucifer were doing a poor job of hiding, you didn’t want to be a part of it.
“No, no, no,” You spat. You only meant to say it once, but duplicates stumbled out after the first, spilling over your lips before you could stop them. “If it was ‘just symbolic’, I wouldn’t be handcuffed. You wouldn’t have fought to bring me here. You wouldn’t try to make it sound so good. Tell me what you really want.”
Instantly. Lucifer’s calm smile turned to a snarl, his voice dipping into a growl. “You ungrateful--”
“We’ve prepared counter-measures,” Diavolo explained, ever the diplomat. “If you don’t accept our generosity...” His fist dropped to the sheets, the comforter soon balled in his grip. For the first time, you noticed how tight his grip was, how he was itching to hold something, but never seemed content with what he found. Abruptly, you wondered if his intentions were genuinely nervous or more violent in nature. “We aren’t in a place to let you refuse. I’m afraid we might’ve waited too long for that.” He sighed, composing himself. By the time he continued, his shoulders were squared, his gaze more focused than it had been. Resolved, but not defeated. “Handing over your soul would be the wisest option. You will, eventually, but Lucifer is prepared to make things… unnecessarily stressful, if you insist on being stubborn.”
“I’m going to torture you,” Lucifer summarized, his hesitation as scarce as his remorse. “I’m going to hurt you, and Diavolo is going to hurt you, and perhaps Barbatos will, if he wants a turn. You’re going to bleed and scream and suffer until you’re begging to give us anything we want, or you’re going to die and we’ll have you regardless. Submission will be easy, simple, and painless. If you’re looking for kindness, this is the only time you’ll be able to find it.”
Lucifer didn’t hesitate, so you couldn’t, either. You didn’t need to. You’d known what your answer would be before he opened his mouth. “Over my dead body.”
This time, it was Diavolo’s turn to smile, the gesture more earnest than it’d been all night. Slowly, a hand drifted towards you, coming to rest on your thigh. You weren’t sure if it was meant to be a threat, but suddenly, you were aware of just how sharp his nails were, of just how happy he seemed to let them push into your skin until they nearly drew blood.
“That can be arranged, my love.”
686 notes · View notes
Note
consider: a fic where petra and aiden talk about how cute jesse is. jesse maybe overhears too, if you want
Anon, do I happen to know you? Have we spoken in the past? Not many know how much I love Aiden, Jesse, and Petra. Or are you just someone else who appreciates the power that is Aiden, Jesse, and Petra? Either way, this request is welcomed. ^-^
Aiden knows his place with The New Order is not stable. He knows he could be sent away at any given moment. And, truthfully, there's very little reason to keep him around. He's done nothing but torment The New Order for years. But kept around he is. It's mostly Jesse's doing. But recently it came from another source.
Petra.
Their friendship is an odd one. One that blossoms because neither really seems to fit in with where the others are. They don't even have much in common.
[Well, except that they're both terrified of being alone. So maybe they chose each other because this way they can ensure they'll have someone to come back to.]
She's recently tried to get him to come to the Nether with her. Aiden's not against it per se. He's just not looking to getting hounded by piglins for gold. And, maybe, he doesn't want set on fire. It's a valid want. He's had burn injuries before and he'd like not to have them again.
She's also invited him to come with her and Jesse on their 'weekly adventures'. Really, it's just doing more dangerous work around Beacon Town. Aiden has yet to agree. He wants to, but something about it doesn't set right with him. It almost feels like he'd be intruding.
He can't get out of it forever though. And today seems to be the day where getting out of going anywhere with the duo has run out. Petra's at his door waiting for him to open it.
She knocks again, louder. Aiden sighs and unlocks the deadbolt opening the door.
"Took you long enough!"
He rolls his eyes.
"What's up?"
"Come on! You're getting out of the house today!"
He groans.
"Petra, I told you I'm not looking to go adventuring~"
She scoffs.
"Do I look like I'm ready to go adventuring?"
No, she doesn't. She's wearing casual clothes. He's seen her go places without armor before though.
"You and Jesse have fun. I'm just not feeling it today."
Petra crosses her arms and looks at him with her usual glower.
"If you won't do it for me, at least do it for Jesse. She thinks you're mad at her."
Aiden deflates. Of course she does. He's been avoiding this so frequently it almost feels like he's avoiding her by extension.
"Let me... lock-up the apartment."
Petra beams triumphantly. Aiden grabs his keys off the side table and locks his door. He turns to a grinning Petra.
"Well, let's go before I change my mind."
They continue through the hall and down the five flights of stairs outside. It's a pleasant day at least. And head for The Order Hall. Once inside, they're greeted by Radar and told to go right in. They head for the library.
[Aiden knows the place well. When he lived in The Order Hall, the library was where he spent most of his time. He still comes here as often as he can. So many books to be read. He borrows as many as he thinks he can read.]
They find Jesse sat at one of the many sofas; flipping through a book. A cup of tea sitting on the side table next to her. She raises her head as soon as they begin to approach and smiles.
"Hey!"
She closes the book and pushes herself to her feet and meets them in the middle and pulls him into a brief embrace.
"You actually came!"
He frowns.
"Of course."
Petra squeezes his shoulder.
"Didn't take any convincing either!"
Aiden cuts his eyes over to her and then back to Jesse who's beaming so wide. It's hard to be mad he was dragged out of his home.
"I'm glad you came! I wanted to show you a book I found I thought you'd like."
She ushers them over to the couch and makes them sit.
"I'll be right back!"
Aiden watches her as she disappears amongst the shelves. He's not sure why she's extended her kindness to him; will likely never understand it. He doesn't deserve a shred of it. But he wants every bit she provides.
A laugh from the woman next to him drags him from his thoughts. The redhead has a suspiciously mischievous grin tilting her lips upward.
"You're hopeless."
His face starts to burn immediately.
"What?"
Petra nudges him.
"Please, don't play dumb."
He turns away from her and shakes his head.
"It's not like that."
"Sure it isn't, buddy."
He turns to her with a glower and then sighs. She's grinning way too wide. And, of course, she of all people would know.
"Okay, maybe it is."
Petra grins and nudges him again.
"I can't say I blame you. She's awfully cute."
Aiden crosses his arms and shakes his head before sighing.
"She really is."
There's a snicker and Aiden feels his stomach drop as he looks up to find Jesse standing right there; hands on her hips, grinning. Petra goes rigid beside him.
They've been caught.
"No, please, continue. It feeds my ego."
Aiden bows his head. Oh, how he wants to melt into the floorboards.
"Come on! How cute am I on a scale of 1 to 10?"
Aiden buries his head in his hands. Jesse laughs. Petra's scrambling to save the situation, but Aiden already knows...
Jesse's never gonna let this go.
16 notes · View notes
plutoswrath · 3 years
Note
i’m sorry to annoy you with this again. i just look up to your kpop mixed with astrology content. but lucas’s neptune contact with his mc is going to annoy the shit out of me until this is fixed. the cloudiness that neptune brings to his public image is something that i think possibly fuels these situations further. false accusations and mixed perceptions based off of them is exactly what makes these scandals to continue on and on. and i’m sick of it. both sides ignore what the other is saying and it gets nowhere. neptune, the malefic bastard.
Hello! I saw your recent asks and I appreciate your words regarding my content, thank you so much for the kind words! <3
I will touch on astrolgy under the cut, but before this happens, I want to leave a few words. There's a reason why I didn't answer the previous questions I received (not only yours op) regarding the Lucas situation so far. For several reasons I didn't want to feed into any sort of (perceived) sensationalism in regards to the Lucas situation, even though I'd really love to look at the situation from an astrological point of view. That people are divided on this topic is to be expected, but I think the way it has been handled by majority so far is very bad. I really want to elaborate on my reasoning why we should rethink the way we talk about/represent the Lucas situation right now, but as this topic is very kpop specific everything will be under the cut.
My reasoning for avoiding any questions about it until now:
1. People already don't take the situation seriously enough: Regardless of what your standpoint is, I'd like for people to consider looking at it from a more critical point of view for a second: The allegations are not about him being exposed as ‘just a f-boy’ as some people make it out to be, they are more serious than that. Lucas allegedly manipulated and used these women for his own emotional/sexual/financial needs and ego boost. The fact that he has money and allegedly still used other people to provide financially for him just demonstrates the power play underneath it all. He abused his position of power as an idol, the power dynamics between him and fans who idolize him are plain and simple just completely off. Please think about the fact, that he allegedly decided who to date on at fansigns. This alone gives no security to any fans that want to attend fansigns in the future. TW SV: he also talked one of these women into having sex with him + doing it unprotected, which is not only emotionally/sexually manipulative/coercive and can possibly be traumatic for them but also heightens the risk for transfering STD's as END TW he was supposedly seeing people at the same time/cheating. In general, the behavior he gets accused of leaves trauma and is abuse, to be more specific abuse of power on multiple levels and his social position makes it just easier to continue abusing that power. As you've mentioned yourself op, there is a huge back and forth about the allegations, and I know people like to take situations like the one of Taeyong as an example to justify that not every public apology is real and that allegations turn out to be false years later, but I believe it's different this time and that the allegations that came forward were real. Even his cbar closed, a fanbase that works closely with Label V (!), that alone shows that there is 'at least' some truth to the story, or else his hardcore fanbase wouldn't have decided to turn their back on him in matters of just days. Also, all the 'jokes' and the portrayal of 'juicy gossip' people make about the situation just downplays and ridicules the possible traumatic experiences of the people that were hurt by his actions. If anyone decides to not believe these allegations until SM gives a more specific statement, that's fine, but please do so without making fun of the people who were victims of his behavior, as there is already little to no sympathy for them online. It makes it just way harder for any survivors in the future to speak out on their experience. People say it's 'nothing illegal, just morally wrong' but given the fact that he is also a person in power, the line between 'just' morally wrong and illegal can be very thin in some cases. And please overthink arguments such as: 'this is typical boy behavior for someone in his 20's'/ 'he's just an f-boy' or 'boys will be boys' because they are deeply misogynistic and we shouldn't normalize behavior like that, thus making the root of the problem actually way deeper than most people think.
2. WayV's future: This mainly goes for people who are fans of WayV. I know not everyone probably likes to hear this, but another thing why wild speculations, sensationalism or even possible defence about this situation should be kept on the low is WayV's career. I want to be honest here, but I'm scared for their future, their comeback for october has been cancelled for now and they are put on a hiatus for several months as far as I know. They were on a good path of gaining more and more recognition and establishing themselves even better as a c-pop group, but now Luca's reputation in China (their target audience) is as good as gone and that pulls all of WayV down to rock bottom with him. People really need to try seeing the story out of the eyes of the korean and especially chinese fans as well, their perception of the allegations (especially after the Kris Wu situation!) are way different and more serious than the ones of i-fans and i-fans have to accept that. Also, we all know how companies (especially SM) handle these type of situations: keep the people on the low till the storm has calmed down. But will the storm ever calm down for Lucas when his public image is basically destroyed, and thus WayV as well? What I want people to understand is that this whole situation affects WayV and their career directly, actually on the biggest scale possible. All the work so far is at risk to be for good and I think a lot of fans tend to forget that, things look especially critical for HenXiaoYanKun if WayV would be to continue/redebute/fall apart. It doesn't matter if Lucas talking bad about the members/the companies/shows he works with/for was real or not in the end, because unfortunately damage is already done, WayV's image (WayV= family) is already tarnished and WayV as a group will suffer from this. You summed it up with malefic Neptune the best actually: We all don't know the full confirmed truth about the situation and will most likely never know it. (small astro insight here as well, but part of Neptune is to accept fantasy for what it is: fantasy, and thus turn to cold reality when you're in too deep)
3. What O'd advice the fandom to do right now: Regardless of your opinion on the situation, what we as a fandom can do best right now is staying on the low, wait things out, and stop adding more fire to the situation with our actions and wait how the situation actually developes, since a) we can not fasten the process and b) a lot of rumors, false information and unnecessary details get exposed to mudd the waters and to discredit the statement of the victims as well. I've seen some strong reactions from both sides, but as someone who's a big fan of nct in general I really just want to say that part of the fandom throwing a fit on the internet leads basically to nothing, it actually only reflects even worse on nctzens/weshennies and thus on WayV's (and also NCT as whole) image as well. Things right now are handled internal, not extern. Whatever gets through to the public will be half of the story anyway. A lot of people seem to forget, that we talk about SM and all they care for right now is saving themselves economically (think about the domino effect this situation has on the whole group/company), so we will have to see what their final decision is going to be, if anything will happen at all. For now, be patient, wait and see. Last words: It's okay to feel hurt/confused/angry/drained. Even though most of us are aware that we dont know any celebrity's character, it's still hard to swallow and to digest because you were a fan of that artist. Let it take time and vent. Take a break from it if it gets too much! Talking about it to process your emotions better is okay and very valid, but keep in mind that you should not worsen the situation by doing so - it's already absolute chaos.
Also: This statement is by no means a direct attack to anyone or me trying to push my opinion onto you, just my two cents in how to handle the situation best right now, because our hands are basically tied. Also: agree to disagree. If you don't like that I side with the victims (unless there is an official statement that Lucas is proven not guilty, which I doubt, unfortunately) then so be it, but don't start a war in my inbox for our opinions differing.
-------
Now, to astrology:
Disclaimer: This analysis will not be very light-hearted, but remember that it's just a theory and not me trying to confirm anything!
First of all op, sorry for just answering you know, but I neded some time to think through how to adress this without adding to the fire with my astrological analysis! Boy, does the birth time fit the shoe right now. To be fair as I did my short rising sign analysis about him recently, I cancelled out every other fire rising except for Leo, because I got stuck on the ego part a bit. Anything for me made sense, as long as it highlights his ego, which by itself doesn't have to be a bad thing automatically, but there's always two sides of the coin as we all know.
I looked into the transits the past week and added a few asteroids/mathematical points as well. An anon before pointed to the full moon happening in his tenth house, conjunct his sun, etc. (I deleted the ask because I didn't know what was going on at that time and thought it was just the 'usual' rumors that once in a while get spread around, but after looking more into it I decided this was not the right time to stirr the pot in any kind of way or treat it as funny, hot gos). But yeah a full Moon in Aquarius happening in his 10th house AND on top of that Saturn in Aquarius, conjuncting that Moon and his natal Uranus in the 10th! Talk about destrcution of any stable foundation and a change in a public image! Honestly, looking at astrologically the way his public image just got radically destroyed over night, with Saturn and the Moon having been in a conjunction (in his chart it was in the 10th house) is kinda eery even. Talk about collective consciousness - not only exposing quiet literally the feelings of the collective, but also doing so in the favor of others and gaining collective emotional consciousness. Take this with a grain of salt (!), because we're still in a tense situation, but I'm tapping into the darker, unfriendlier side of astrology now. Taking his confirmed birth time, he has Nessus in Sagittarius in his 8th house and as I saw that I could feel myself shifting into the surprised pikachu face. I am not saying that this prooves the allegations whatsoever, but as you seemed to be very interested in anaylzing the case in-depth as well, the allegations fit his Nessus - jumping from partner to partner, carelessness (regarding physical intimacy as well), making people share all their ressources with him/finacial gain, and basically the whole jist of gaining control/being in a power position in intimate connections. Keep in mind that this is only one interpretation of Nessus though, Nessus can also show the complete opposite to someone 'turning to their dark side'. On top of that, his Nessus was conjunct transit Phollus the past week, so if anything, we can see that a large event triggered him to 'open his eyes' and face anything of an 'obstacle' that hinders him from seeing the 'truth' to a larger picture and his own nature/destiny. Pholus can symbolize change that will alter your perception of the responsibility you have for yourself and others.
But my latest new interest with these two asteroids aside (asteroids just add a little more nuance to a situation after all), I want to touch on Lilith too, since you (op) have mentioned Lilith before in one of your asks!
He has his Lilith exactly conjunct his Descendant when we consider his confirmed birth time. What happened just now can be seen as 'backfiring' of his actions, either Lilith embodying the women who expose him now for his 'inappropriate' behavior, but also simply fans shaming him now for his alleged manipulative/imoral behavior, especially shaming him about who he chose to date and how. Next to that, you've mentioned Lilith opposite Moon and it just makes me think about him possibly feeling very indecisive and potentially in denial about what he actually needs to be fulfilled in order to be emotionally happy and thus leading to him appearing to have this 'second, dark side' to him now. BML is not necessarily opposite the Moon in my opinion, it's just the side of the subconscious we don't really like to deal with and all we're told not to express and desire because it can be conflicting in the eyes of others (thus BML also leading to a lot of recklessness on the negative side). I think if we take the allegations into consideration, regardless of how much of it is true of it, it can be a good example what happens, when an opposition gets out of balance, as it also manifests outwardly a lot! Lilith shows in his 'double life' aka what he allegedly did with fans. Lilith wanted an outlet and found one by working behind the scenes. If we take in his supposed Taurus rising, which his Lilith is in an exact opposition with, it's a good example of what can lurk underneath the surface.
And of course, last but not least, Neptune and Sun conjunct his MC. People are quiet literally blinded by him more than they would like to think. Also: Lucas was always known for his 'flirty & charismatic' nature, this is another reason why people think we shouldn't be surprised he 'turns out to be like that in real life'. I'm not analyzing this argument right now, but what I think is very interesting is how Sun conjunct MC literally ties a good amount of their personality to their career - they want to be accepted and shine for their personality/big part of their individuality. Idols play a role, no matter how transparent they appear to us, but it's really funny how this 'image' of him melts almost seemingly with parts of his personality (almost af if you were to quiet literally sell your self) and as you've mentioned: Neptune only adds to that, unfortunately.
7 notes · View notes
Text
Why Mantis and Loki should be a thing; fight me (please don’t I swear I’m nice).
What makes a good relationship subplot? Actually, scratch that – this is the MCU, we don’t go for mediocrity – what makes the best relationship subplots? It can vary, but my favourites, the ones that keep me digging and digging, coming back every time I think of a new angle (you’re in the fandom tags, you know what I’m talking about) always tie into the wider story. They feed character growth; allow new concepts to be explored; fit in with and in some cases represent the greater themes of a story.
In case you haven’t guessed, I’m going to be arguing that Loki and Mantis could be something along those lines. Something great. One of the best, most interesting relationships of modern screenwriting. I know, okay!! I know, it feels weird as anything – it’s taken me a while, too. But bear with me, and worst-case scenario, you’ll have a new take on a fascinating pair of characters.
Before I put the two together though, I feel like I need to do a little character study for Mantis. So far, she has had little to no clear development and without serious thought of your own, she seems entirely one-dimensional; two at best. In case you have not plugged hours and hours of thought into a character with barely ten minutes of screen-time, here are some of my thoughts, free of charge 😊. Incidentally, the interpretation I take to enhance my viewing experience (and add suitably crippling levels of angst :D ) ties her in perfectly with Loki’s story and character.
Tumblr media
More Than Just a Bug: A Minor Study
What we know: Mantis has spent her whole life in servitude to Ego a massively powerful being, intent on taking over the universe, who sees all other life as inferior, insect-like (hence the name ‘Mantis’ – happenstance in the comics, derogatory in the films). Whether she has ever met anyone else is unclear, and until we actually see her talk about it, we’ll never know. Going by her comfort in talking to the Guardians, and also the fact that she anticipates the result of Ego’s meeting with Peter, I’m going to assume she has, but more specifically, that they were Ego’s other children.
Imagine this, if you will. Mantis, since her childhood, has been intermittently exposed to Ego’s offspring. They appear, are doted on for a few days, and then vanish as suddenly as they came. Not having been delayed by the Ravagers that collected them (as Peter was), they are all young children, with strong but changeable emotions. As such, they fit Ego’s narrative of universe full of mindless beasts, unthinking and impermanent. If Mantis were not an empath, able to feel their distress and confusion at the kidnapping, they would have no impact on her at all. As it is, they give her no epiphany, but rather a slow sense of unease that grows over time, as child after child is reduced to a pile of bones in a cave.
Tumblr media
Her uncertainty must of course be hidden from Ego, who may be too narcissistic to imagine she could ever turn against him, but would certainly kill her if he saw her doubts, so she separates herself from the feeling. Her outer self remains uncomplicated and pliant, still attempting to please her adoptive father-figure, while her inner self languishes in steadily deepening turmoil. She dissociates to survive, until she almost believes it herself.
Now let’s try looking at her scene with Drax, where she touches his arm by the flower-filled lakes, through this new lens.
Tumblr media
BEWARE. THIS SCENE WILL BECOME SIGNIFICANTLY MORE PAINFUL IF YOU ASSIMILATE THIS INTERPRETATION.
To recap: Mantis has spent her life in a state of slowly growing unease over the pain, suffering and subsequent deaths of Ego’s many children. Her only comfort has been his assurances that all other life is meaningless, and as such their suffering weightless. By Mantis’s own design, this inner struggle has been buried deep, totally inaccessible. Therefore, she goes into this scene entirely intending to allow Ego to kill the Guardians, and if Peter is successful, the universe.
Alright, here goes:
So, Mantis seems normal (normal??) for the first section. She reacts suitably when Drax calls her ugly, and then when he argues that it’s a good thing. When he mentions his lost daughter, she makes a joke (incidentally the sort of play-a-crooked-thing-straight joke that Loki might enjoy), but then Drax compares his daughter to Mantis, calling them both ‘innocent’, and she makes this face when he isn’t looking at her.
Tumblr media
This is not a naïve look, and I don’t think it’s meant to be. The tiniest edge of that inner guilt, her natural empathy for the terrible fates of Ego’s children, is bleeding through against her will, brought to the surface by a father mourning the loss of his daughter. Wanting to understand, and partly in fear of what she might find there, she reaches for his arm.
Tumblr media
When she feels his grief, she is physically affected, taking large gasps of air with glittering eyes. It’s easy to forget, but in some ways, Drax is the most emotionally developed of the Guardians. He had a wife, and daughter, and a home. He’s lived through what most of us would determine a normal life, and reached middle age. Quill, Gamora, Groot – they’re all younger than him, and therefore less emotionally developed. (I have no idea what age Rocket is, but at least by maturity he can certainly be added to the list.) This level of experience is where Drax’s moments of unexpected wisdom come from. He is a fully realised person with all the complexities and regrets that come with age, something Mantis has never felt in anyone except Ego. And he is mourning his daughter.
Tumblr media
When she touches his arm, Mantis is feeling one of the worst losses, the deepest hurts that a person can ever experience, even dulled by years: the loss of a child. But for her, it’s even more than that. It’s personal. She realises in that moment that on the other end of every one of Ego’s children was someone like Drax, feeling what he felt. That they were still out there in the universe, mourning the sons and daughters that Mantis had met. It tilts her world on its axis, and we get a close-up to watch it:
Tumblr media
This is her guilt, her worst fears validated. She can no longer use the ‘we’re just insects anyway’ justification to excuse the cavern of bones. Every tiny doubt she has ever had now has an explanation, and it means she has grown up complicit to atrocities she couldn’t even recognise. Upset, and guilty that he still believes her innocent, she turns immediately to Drax, knowing she can no longer stand by do nothing. They are interrupted by Gamora before Mantis can explain, so later that night, knowing she cannot bear being complicit yet again to murder, Mantis wakes Drax and betrays Ego, despite her fear and love for someone who has been (literally) her whole world.
Go watch the scene thinking about Mantis's guilt, I dare you. I did, and it hurt me.
By the end of GotG2, we have a Mantis still conditioned to serve the father she has now killed. His teachings have left her with crippling self-doubt, and a sense of personal inferiority that as of yet we have not seen her question, despite a truly incredible level of power (subduing first Ego – an actual planet – and then Thanos; I’ll go into her frightening Gamora later), and her own heroism. She is incapable of being righteously angry at Ego, because righteously implies right, something it does not occur to her that she might have. And she hides it all, because over the years she has built an unconscious self-defence mechanism which allows her to control people’s actions towards her by seeming harmless and sweet. The ultimate deflector of aggression.
What her motives and feelings might be now she has found her freedom, I also have some thoughts on, but that is a topic for another day (possibly a Loki including day, hmm?). I feel like it’s important to mention that, although this is a dark interpretation, that doesn’t mean I think Mantis is a dark character. There is inherent darkness in the horror of her past, but some of the best and brightest people in the world are people who have been to hell and back, and come back kinder for it. One day, when she has learnt some self-worth, and ditched the clothes that she wore as a slave to a monster, I think she could be one of the best, most impressive, and nuanced heroes we have ever seen.
8 notes · View notes
nightswithkookmin · 3 years
Note
Hi!💜 Your theories about jikook not being together during a portion of the ON era are interesting. It seemed like they were vibing together in some bits we saw in that era. Like a level of intimacy and comfort (like when they 'played hide and seek' during that sirius radio interview in the states, when jk wouldnt shut up about🎶jm jm yeah jm🎶. What are you seeing that i am not?
Oh lord! Uhmm...
Tumblr media
I honestly don't know the answer to your question quite frankly. It's not a competition is all I can say.
We see from our experiences not from our sight? From our intuition not our vision? So, I don't know. We are all experiencing Jikook differently and perceiving them differently is what I think. Some see Jikook and see two brothers, some see them and see two best friends. We see them and see two lovers. What do we see that they don't?
The answer wouldn't matter because at the end of the day, it's all just theory and opinions and not facts. Until Jikook themselves come out as LGBTQ plus and in a relationship with eachother nothing we say here about them matters.
You don't need to see what I see to have an opinion on Jikook or feel your opinion on Jikook is valid. And I don't need to convince you of my opinion for my opinion to be valid.
I am not in this to convince anyone of my opinion about Jikook. Let me set that record straight. And all these concerns about brainwashing people... how stupid do y'all think people are? Yall keep talking as if shippers are dumb and gullible and don't have the brains to distinguish between people's opinions and actual fact. That's very presumptuous, obnoxious and condescending quite frankly. People have brains you know? Chilee.
Mine is just to support Jikook the best way I can- which is to treat them as people and individuals, not fantasies. Thus, I do not want to engage in and will not engage in any argumentative discussions about what these kinds of moments are and what they mean. At the very least we can agree to disagree.
And if it's my opinion you want, I think I have already exhausted this topic across several posts so you can kindly refer to that. Quiet frankly I would rather read your opinion about the topic at this point- Jikook in that era or the era before it. So please share your thoughts as well.
My belief about Jikook don't cancel yours, nor does yours cancel mine- if it did there would be only one ship in BTS and yet here we are amongst a sea of ships all waving the 'it is real' flag.
And these moments you mention are/were very cute and honey I love them too uWu- but are they moments you consider as indicative of two people in an intimate, sexual relationship with eachother? I gotta ask.
Or did you just miss everything else that was happening within that period from their trip to New York and back to S.K?
I think the moments you mention are really cute interactions and there is even much more cuter interactions within that period- my favorite of which would be Teleporter Jeon teleporting his ass from next to Tae all the way to his man because a certain Idol behind him was getting too close- uWu!
I rate teleporter Jeon much higher on my Jikook is real assessment tab than the moments you mention because that is right of authority and claiming right there.
But the moment you mentioned, honestly if I see two people in other ships do it too I am not gonna yell they are a couple you know? And if you wouldn't consider any other ship that did that in BTS to be real too when they do it, then why ask me to believe Jikook is real just because they do these kinds of things?
I mean Jikook is also a tradship like any other ship in BTS after all. And people are going to swoon over their skinship and interactions each time and lament when they think they are not interacting or doing much skinship. But none of that is proof Jikook is real. To me.
I think a distinction ought to be made here between Jikook the tradship and Jikook the alt-ship. To see what I see in Jikook as an alt-shipper, you would have to also be an alt-shipper or at least a tradshipper with an open mind. It's as simple as that.
Jikook in On era is just the climax to a series of tensions between them starting in November 2019 that had nothing to do with Jikook as a couple but was affecting their dynamics anyway. I said I felt it was a period of JK trying to push back against the group putting a leash on them and censoring their interactions in public etc. I said I felt Jimin wasn't there with him- on the same page I mean and I tried to talk about GCF Helenski, MMA 2019 and all that Jazz.
I kept referring to JM as very Kumbaya in nature who would put the interest of the group above his or even JK's and would often shade him for it and joke about it. But after reading his Weverse magazine interview where he talked about doing things to please people because he wants to be loved- I don't find it funny anymore.
And I kept saying I felt JK was trying to assert himself against Jimin and the group. That Jikook in this period had been trying to assert themselves against eachother and against the group and I'm glad Jimin talked about trying not to be a people pleaser as much and focusing his energy on people who love him- I think I need to take his advice. I'm glad to see him show this level of growth and maturity but I don't trust him. Lol. He isn't exactly known to be one to keep the promises he makes to himself- if what the members say about him is anything to go by. Sigh. But I support this agenda. Self love is everything. You go Park Jimin!
Let's just hope he doesn't relapse because if he do he and Kook are gonna have a problem. In my opinion.
People often see JM as very nurturing of JK but JK pushes JM to be a better person too. That's one way he nurtures Jimin. And I don't have proof of this, but I believe in my heart of hearts based on everything I've seen and said so far about them, that Jikook make each other better individuals. They are perfect for eachother and I support them.
Just as JK, I think, pushes JM to be emotionally assertive, JM pushes JK to be emotionally vulnerable and less possessive- it seems of late.
If you missed all of that happening in the background then certainly On era would fly over your head too. So you can start there.
You can start reflecting on Jikook's moments as individuals who don't exist to feed ships, to try and understand the motivations behind their interactions as humans because that's what I do as an alt-shipper. And when I do and draw conclusions about them, those conclusions are not facts or meant to be. They are just my opinion. I could very much be wrong about them. But it is still my opinion. What's your opinion of them? Whatever it is, it's valid too.
Then there is the whole BigHit releasing content out of order thingy and so you would have to look at all of that and try and reconstruct those too- which is something I do a lot. It is why I haven't commented much on Jikook post JM's birthday. I simply haven't seen enough to theorize on the state of their relationship in this era. When I do I will post a comprehensive theory and analysis and ruffle some feathers while at it. Lol.
Ever wondered why in one moment JM seems to be leaning forward in their relationship, 'acting clingy," chasing JK and in the next JK is the one doing all clingy and the chasing? Their push and pull dynamics is it? Ever wondered why they have that going on with them? Or to you, that just happens?
It's not rhetorical I would like to know. Lol.
I think this trad vs Alt ship wars needs to stop. Let's stay out of eachother's business. It's not a competition. It's really not that deep. We can have our own biases but we can't battle it out with pens and keyboards because none of us know the truth about Jikook. Saying Jikook is not together is a theory just as much as saying Jikook are together. None is factual at all.
And if you believe they are together because believing they are human and can have issues will disrupt your fantasy of them then yikes- miss me with that. Tradship alert. Alexa play Jimin's sirens. Wwwuawwwuawwua. Lol.
And I get that to some people, it's their fantasies on the line, their egos on the line and they would want to protect these interests- but I'm not in the validation business. My ego is not on the line, my fantasies is not on the line. Jikook kills me as much as they heal me and guess what- I like it. Stock Holmes is real people. Lol.
Just do you. No one is right when it comes to Jikook. That's just the gist of it.
You talk about those moments as intimate... True. But intimacy to me is when Jimin, in a euphoric state turns instinctively to hug JK but stops himself as he did in the recent Grammy reaction video or even throughout the recent Runs- when he shot the hoop and won and turned around in excitement towards Kook but then didn't know what to do with himself. He is a physically affectionate person and he is used to a certain level of intimacy between him and Kook and that shows.
Intimacy is when JM reaches to kiss the top of JK's head but stops himself because he is in the middle of filming a run episode. Intimacy is JK reaching to touch Jimin in excitement, in Soop when they were playing puzzle or whatever, but stops himself because there are cameras filming.
You can't hide this kind of intimacy nor can you fake it. Your instincts will always give you away.
It's like that moment in the elevator from Bangtan Bomb when the doors were closing and Jimin was left behind and when JK noticed Jimin was not in there with them he panicked and yelled for them to stop the door from closing or something but it was too late. Probably pouted and glared at whoever didn't hold the door open for Jimin throughout that right- poor Kookie. Lmho.
Or when Jimin yelled at JK when JK was contemplating whether or not to join Jimin's team in Bon V or Run I don't remember which lol. He seemed like he had reached his limits there- now if you would excuse me, I have tears to shed.
Tumblr media
When they exhibit these involuntary reactions in certain moments I think it speaks more of how close they really are and the level of intimacy between them not when they play hide and seek in a middle of an interview- that just shows they are goofy. It's nothing TaeJin haven't done or wouldn't do. Jin and Tae do same too. I mean they tried to kiss or whatever they were trying to do during the dynamite MV reaction VLive. I wouldn't say that is proof Taejin are dating eachother too.
But when one of them can't exercise a right of authority over the other like they often do when they are together together, or when they are not claiming eachother, minding their boundaries like they usually do most times, reassuring eachother when one of them clearly is seeking reassurance and validation or closeness or when the others around them suddenly stop respecting the right of authority either one of them has over the other- then that is a sign because all of these and a lot more I can't even get into is what makes them a couple. In my point of view and opinion.
Jikook are friends and lovers. They were friends before lovers. They were interacting and goofing around and trying to kiss and what not too when they were just friends. They were doing all of that before they starting getting into eachother- that's not a metaphor.
Unless, you mean to tell me they started dating from day dot? In which case I have no words. Skinship is not a sign Jikook is real.
Jikook is real, they try to play off most of their interactions as fanservice but they are real. And for Jimin, because 'the boy in love with the Maknae' is also a key aspect of his persona and a facade he hides behind to love JK, it's easy for him to act it up for the cameras.
Most people see this persona of Jimin too and I think it is why they dismiss his feelings for JK as bro love or even claim Jikook is fanservice. That what Jimin feels for JK is fanservice and they could be right but I just don't believe or share that view simply because I see what they see and more. You may not see that aspect of Jimin but that doesn't mean others don't. Perspective is everything.
It's why I said if you look at JM's way of expressing himself as the sole indicator that Jikook is real and prefer his way of expressing himself over that of Kookie that you've been played.
It takes two to tango. JK is part of that dynamic and he is also expressing his feelings for JM too- in a different less loud way. Jikook is not one sided. Jimin cannot be the only one carrying their relationship on his back. His feelings for Kook is not unrequited. Jimin just over expresses himself sometimes. Jk doesn't express himself enough but when he does it is much more louder and intense than Jimin- I'd say in my opinion but fuck it. I'm tired.
That kind of intimacy between Jikook is something I would consider with high regard in deciding whether or not two people are dating and not just their skinship or interactions. But to each his own.
BTS in general are a very intimate group. You can expect a certain level of closeness and familiarity between them- all of them including Jikook. But that in no way indicate they are dating eachother. Please, your honor. Thank you. Lol.
May be you should go back and reevaluate the timeline with the new content we've got and the new information and try not to latch on to the good stuff but critically examine all the questionable moments that happened within that time frame because dismissing all those clues is how Tae Kook is real and Yoonmin is real and VMin is real- ok not VMin, Tae wants him some piece of Jibooty but let's not talk about that. Lol.
If Tae kook is real it's unrequited, if VMin is real it's unrequited. If Jikook is real it's mutual and I can't be mad at that- it feels random but those who sent those asks would understand. Lol.
Keep supporting Jikook. Jikook is real. By real I mean HUMAN. Deuces.
Signed,
GOLDY
59 notes · View notes
hobiwonder · 5 years
Text
crazy rich asians | 01
Genre: Chaebol!BTS. maid!reader. Smut, fluff. mild angst.
Pairing: Jin x reader, Jimin x reader, Hoseok x reader, Yoongi x reader. Possible future pairings.
Warnings for this chapter: language. brief mention of oral sex. Kissing !!!
Words: 9k+
Summary: You overhear something you shouldn’t. Now some of the country’s most powerful - and rich - men would do anything to keep you quiet.
a/n: i turned it into a fic as requested!!! ngl…. am worried how people will receive this lol. This will be a short series. no major angst so don’t worry. i hope you guys like it bc i really enjoyed writing it. please let me know what you think n feed my motivation bubble so i dont take months to finish this ajdubejekbfjk.
Tumblr media
This was odd. Jin’s eyebrows furrowed – which he was strongly against since premature wrinkles were one of his biggest fears. He was closer to thirty than twenty so his concerns were valid. Jimin almost never visited his childhood home ever since their father got engaged to the secretary – another cliché – a few months ago.
“Hm… what changed your mind little brother.” Jin mutters as he passes the sleek Mercedes that belongs to his younger brother. Nevertheless, he can’t help the sly smirk that fights his muscles and spreads across his porcelain skin. He couldn’t wait to rub it in Jimin’s face that he finally returned when his bank account dried out. Most likely.
The plethora of house staff greeting Jin as he walked along the indoor fountain, trying to acknowledge most of them. They had too many servants and it wasn’t Jin’s fault that he didn’t care about most of them. But it was hard when they all looked so sheepish like they had some wretched secret they were supposed to hide but failed.
“Good Afternoon Sir, what brings you here?” Jin’s long legs are no match for the shorter man who usually took care of everything in the manor so he’s a little breathless as he Jogs besides him.
“To my own house? Where I lived for 20 years?” This really was becoming a strange day.
“A-Ah no sir. I meant no disrespect just wanted to be prepared to accommodate you accordingly.”
“Okay,” This was officially starting to annoy him and the furrow in his forehead was getting deeper. He would not get wrinkles because his servant annoyed him in to it. “Alfred… Anders… Andrew. Whatever your name is, I don’t need to announce my arrival at my own home. On second thought, maybe I should.”
The idea is very appealing as he swirls the thought in his head and it’s enough to make him forget the butler’s calls as he enters Jimin’s private wing. He isn’t surprised though when he already hears faint moans but not of a woman for once. It’s undoubtedly Jimin which is again – peculiar because getting off himself wasn’t something Jimin liked to do if he had ‘several other women ready to do it for me’ if quoting him directly. He guesses there is only one way to find out as he approaches the living area, looking at the back of his head resting on the enormous lounge sofa.
“Well hello there brother!” His tongue doesn’t form anymore words when he can finally see Jimin in his line of view – and his father’s fiancé frantically buttoning her blouse to retain some of her dignity. Jimin on the other hand is taking his sweet time tucking himself inside his slacks – shaking his head in disbelief as if Jin’s caused him immense grief.
“…and Amber.” Jin is no stranger to walking in on his brother – or friends really – indulging in all sorts of debauchery but this – this was quite interesting and to put it simply, messy. “Well, well, well. Did you come back to sleep with our step-mother or actually missed your family, god forbid?”
Jimin is no more rattled than a sloth as he runs his hands through his silky golden hair and smacks Amber’s ass as she’s still fiddling with her blouse. “A bit of both.”
“I-I didn’t know you’d b-be back so quick Jin-ah.” Her pearly white teeth that his father paid way too much for are almost blinding him. Yeah he’s not that bored today to play along with her games so he opts for just a dry smile. This was no surprise to him. Especially when the first person she had a fling with in this household was, well, Jin himself.
“Clearly. Thankfully you know father won’t be home until late. Run along now. I’ve got to catch up with your son.” Okay, that one’s on him. He liked to rub it in her face.
“Step-son.” She’s positively seething and Jin couldn’t be more delighted.
“Ooh. Naughty aren’t you? I knew you were always in a bit of incest.”
Jimin’s snort and Amber’s scoff come at the same time but at least it makes her on her way, heels clicking as she’s strutting away.
“I gave the staff one job and they couldn’t even do that.” Jimin walks towards the liquor cabinet, pouring himself a whiskey at 12 in the afternoon – bringing a smile to his face. He did miss his little brother.
“To keep me from finding Amber swallowing your unborn children?
“Thank fuck for that. I’m not ever going to be ready for kids.”
“Understandable. Considering you are one.” Jin’s shit eating grin makes Jimin pour another glass which he drowns in a second too.
“Please tell me how many ‘kids’ you know who’re worth half a billion dollars?”
Not a trick question.
“Almost all of our friends? Plus, we’re brothers you maggot. And I’m worth more.” His stance widens as he splays his feet out in some sort of power pose.
“What now? You want us sword fighting?” Jimin’s glancing to his crotch before he continues, “I’ll win because somebody didn’t let me finish.” Yes, very evident from the hard tent in his slacks.
“No need to resort to unsanitary methods. Talking will do.” He’s waving his hand in dismissal, watching Jimin taking a seat opposite – absolutely no attempts at hiding his boner. “So, what brings you back? Thought you were up in the Bahamas getting tanned and toned and weren’t due back for a few more weeks?”
“Correct but that was until father announced his surprise engagement.” Jimin is on his third glass of whiskey but looks more sober than a priest.
“Is there anything he does these days that isn’t a surprise? I found out I was moving houses from the real estate agent for god’s sake.” That makes Jimin snort out a laugh.
“Christ. He’s a bastard isn’t he?” Jimin had been in boarding school still when Jin had been effectively moved out of the manor in to a skyscraper penthouse because his father had wanted to ‘relax by himself and no kids’. As if he raised them on his own.
“Yup. Turns out he just needed the house to be snitch-free to fuck his secretary/future step-mom.” Plus he was still going through the divorce with their mother.
“I can understand why.” Jimin’s closing his eyes, heading leaning back again as a sultry smile spreads on his youthful face as if he’s reminiscing an irreplaceable memory. “Amber can make you forget you own name.”
“Right?” Jin is letting his inner, less sophisticated horny teenager alter ego slip through as he agrees with his brother about what a good lay their step-mom is.
“You already tap that?” When Jin just winks in Jimin’s direction, he’s clapping and chuckling like he can’t believe it.
“You’re no better than me brother and please, don’t take that as an insult. No offense at all.”
“None taken.” For a moment Jimin truly feels slightly happier. Looking at his brother and remembering sitting across from him while they talked about everything when they were younger and thought they had a chance at becoming people different than their father or their whole family. He had everything. They both had everything. There wasn’t one thing that either of them lacked or desired. So needless to say, their lives were a little grey and lacked excitement. Money though. That never failed to give him a hard-on.
Seeing his brother also made him happy, sure.
“Remember when we were playing in father’s office that one time he left it unlocked?” Jimin continues when Jin nods slowly, “And remember when we were rummaging through the drawers we found a safe and tried to break into it before Anderson caught us?”
“I knew it! He looked like an Anders.” When Jimin just blankly stares at him he mutters an apology and tells him to continue.
“Anyway. I went back and broke in to the safe.”
“Of course you did,” Jin is rolling his eyes but not finding it surprising that his little brother, ever the inquisitive little cat, went back to do exactly what he was told to notdo.
“No, listen,” Jimin’s eyes are increasingly growing frantic as he shifts forward, abandoning his glass of whiskey and Jin knew that this was something juicy. “There were papers inside the safe. Granddad’s will. I made copies.”
“Wait, you told me there was a bunch of cocaine and ecstasy. Nothing else.” Jimin shrugs once again to ask what was his point.
“And?”
“And you stole the papers but not the drugs? My teenage self hates you so much right now.”
“And that poor bastard should be thankful I looked in to the papers otherwise you would become penniless. Very soon.”
What was Jimin trying to say. “Get to the point Jimin. What about Grandpa’s will?”
Jin’s palms were becoming sweaty and a little tick in his left leg had already started and was about to become a full blown restless leg syndrome like a pathetic little office worker worried about losing a promotion.
“Well,” Jimin is moving across the room to sit beside his older brother, turning his lithe body to the side facing him as he starts to explain. “Grandad’s will stated that we were to receive 10% of our inheritance every year starting at the age of 35. Unless father remarried.”
The mention of money always sped up Jin’s heartbeat. It raced in his chest like he was about to win the lottery. Maybe he was?
“What then… ?” Jimin’s Cheshire grin slowly lighting up his whole face was never a good sign. Until now apparently.
“If he remarried before we turned 35, we are to receive our inheritance. In full. At once.”
Jin really felt like his heart would beat out of his chest. Because that was a lot of money.
“That’s-”
“$10 billion.” There was a slight pause as Jimin eagerly awaited his brother’s reaction.
“I think I just had a powergasm.” Jimin is chuckling as he slaps Jin’s back, shaking his older brother out of joy as they both start to gradually laugh louder. Is this how supervillains felt? Jin’s never laughed like this before and it’s no surprise that it’s money that’s doing the trick. Poor people wouldn’t understand.
That’s when another realisation occurs. “That’s why he kicked me out of the house. Because he was going to get engaged and couldn’t risk us retaliating and finding this bit of information out.”
“Precisely big brother.”
“Fuck…. We’re going to be rich as fuck.”
“If he doesn’t figure out a way to get that clause crossed from the will.” Jimin seems a bit nervous for the first time since he had started talking.
But Jin wasn’t. Not when he had people on his side who would love to make some money as well. Well, more money. He wasn’t friends with poor people.
“Don’t worry about it. You still in contact with Taehyung?” Jimin looks at his older brother with a ‘duh’ face.
“You still have a dick?” Jin’s just rolling his eyes as he calls the first number under ‘Y’.
“What?”
“Hello to you too, Min. Say, you want to become rich?” Yoongi on the other end is snorting before he speaks with his signature lazy drawl.
“I’m already rich, you bitch. But I’m having a down day anyway. Tell me more.”
Jin is smirking towards his brother, his body is buzzing and this is the most excited he;s been a while.
“Meet at my place with the other boys. At 2. Lunch is on me.”
“Yes because I desperately need someone to shout me lunch.” He’s had enough of Yoongi’s sarcasm so he just hangs up.
“Well Jimin, lets go get our billions.” Jimin hands his older brother a glass of whiskey before they make a toast.
“Amen.” Jin furrows his brows again.
“You believe in god now?”
“After seeing Amber’s tits? Yeah.”
“Oh hello there. Eavesdropping were we?” A man is leaning against the wall behind you, hands in his pockets while he looks at you head to toe, two small dimples appearing when he grins rather…. cutely you might add.
“U-Uh, n-no?” The handsome stranger is only shaking his head as he walks towards the door where the two brothers had gone in to only half an hour ago.
“Be careful next time little maid.” You hold in the scoff until he disappears inside the room.
“You guys have better discussed Amber’s ass and nothing else of importance because of the audience outside. The pretty little thing Anders hired.
“How does everyone know his name and not me? You don’t even live here Hoseok.” Jin’s scoffing while Jimin worries about the real problem.
“Fucking hell. The staff in this house is more loyal to our father than their own families. What do we do?”
“Leave that to me. Girls never kiss and tell when they’re with me.” with a wick, Hoseok is settling on the couch as well. “Just transfer me $50 million when you both get the money.”
Oh boy. Being rich was hard.
You were screwed. Or at least it looked like you were. Even though you'd been hired months ago - it was not usual to see the 'house Masters' (that's what Anders had called them anyway so you stuck with it). In fact you could count on one hand how many times you'd seen Kim Seokjin around the mansion. though he didn't live here so that wasn't too surprising at first but you did think that he would at least regularly visit his father. the numerous articles written about this family portrayed them as loyal as you can be to your own blood. What behind closed doors however, was a different story.
The eldest son rarely visited his father and his father, your employer, was even more of a rare sight around the Manor. In the three months you'd worked here, you'd seen Mr. Kim twice. And one of those times was when the annual Christmas dinner was hosted. But even for that, the youngest son, Jimin had not been present. So seeing the new face around the Manor today had confused you very much. But the way his perfectly sculpted features, luscious and shiny - oh god was it shiny - hair had told you that he belonged to this family. How close he was? You weren't sure. Until now.
Now that you'd been caught listening in to the scheming going behind the closed doors. He was the youngest son that was asked about a thousand times at the Christmas dinner and each time both, the father and the son, evaded the questions like experts. He was as handsome as the rest of the family so it didn't surprise you much when you found out his identity. Especially when the future house mistress had been lead in to the room by him, all smiles and charming demeanour. You'd naively thought that the step-mother and son - though she looked too good for her age as all rich people did - had quite a close relationship even though this was the first time you were seeing Master Jimin home. Until the moaning had sounded obnoxiously out in the hallway. Anders had tried his best to get to be anywhere other than cleaning the massive hallway that all the rooms connected to but in the end, you'd gravitated towards the noises. Knowing it was wrong for you to listen but not being able to help yourself. The young master's voice was so melodic, so serene, you were almost forgetting that the said noises weren't as innocent as the emotions they were evoking in you.
Your heart had sped up and your fingers had tugged down your uniform subconsciously at the erotic noises emitting from the room. Imagining yourself to be on the giving end of the scenario playing out in the room. But your fantasies had been broken when you'd hear Anders and Mr. Kim's older son's booming voice coming down the hallway. Quickly ducking back in to one of the rooms you were supposed to start dusting in, you'd only caught glimpse of the incredibly handsome Kim Seokjin reprimanding Anders for making him feel unwelcome in his own home. Though you felt for the poor old man. He was nice and looked after you more than you had expected. And the amount of work he had to see through was incredible and you were amazed at how he never failed to complete each and every one of his tasks. Except keeping Mr. Kim out of the young master's room that is. You'd heard the cheeky tone in Jimin's voice when he'd asked Anders to make sure that no one disturbs them. You'd thought stupidly that maybe they wanted to spend quality time with each other since Jimin was back home after a long time. And they spent quality time alright. The noises were a testament to that.
You were suddenly feeling the nervous butterflies in your stomach at the prospect of Jimin being found out by his older brother. And with his step mother no less. Like youwere the one doing something that scandalous. Craning your neck you'd tried to hear, maybe yelling? You'd assumed - wrongly, again - that the older master Kim would be horrified at finding out the debauchery going on inside the room but all you'd seen was a ruffled Amber - you think that's her name from the moans at least - and then joyous laughter which could only mean the brothers meeting. Rich people were bizarre. Did they not have any morals? Nothing settling uneasy in their conscience?
Not that you were any better because you were plainly eavesdropping and that was not how your mother raised you. Though she didn't raise you that much at all in all honesty. But she was quick to correct your mishaps or seemingly 'dishonest' activities. That was all she did really. Mostly your grandmother raised you until you were kicked out at the ripe age of 18 by your mother to 'find your own way' like her crack addicted self told you. She preached but never practiced her own self-righteous attitude more than when she needed to keep you under control. Though your visit down the memory lane is interrupted when your ears catch on to what the two men inside were talking about. The words 'cocaine' catch your attention - it was your mother's favourite at one point. Listening on further was just pure coincidence. But boy oh boy. What were you hearing? Were they going to possibly.... hurt someone for even more money? How much more could they want? They already had enough of it. You didn't realise the pout that had been on your face while you listened to the two brother calling a friend for some 'help'.
Not until someone was clearing their throat behind you, damn near making you knock your head against the wall you had been absentmindedly wiping for the hundredth time. Initially - for the millisecond of the reaction time you had available - you thought Anders would be the one to catch you and for some reason, you weren't as scared. Hence the sheepish smile on your face when you turn around to face whoever it was that had caught you so blatantly trying to listen to whatever was happening. Though your smile - as well as your heart - drops instantly when you see an unfamiliar face in front of you, yet again. And once again - the stranger is handsome, incredibly so. In fact, the toothy grin he's beaming your way is nearly blinding. His white teeth - definitely not natural, though you wouldn't be surprised if they were - smiling up at you as he leant against the wall besides you. How did you not hear him? His body was lithe and somehow you're not surprised that he snuck up on you so easily. Nonetheless, he did and you were in major trouble. He was good-looking enough for you to figure out that he probably belonged in the two master's circle.
“Oh hello there. Eavesdropping were we?” The man is leaning against the wall behind you, hands in his pockets while he looks at you head to toe, two small dimples appearing when he grins rather…. cutely you might add.
“U-Uh, n-no?” The handsome stranger is only shaking his head as he walks towards the door where the two brothers had gone in to only half an hour ago.
"No! Uh I mean. N-No... that's what I mean." You're hoping the desperation in your eyes gives him a hint that you rather not get in to trouble.
“Be careful next time little maid.” His smirk doesn't dissolve. In fact, it seems to get wider. Most likely being able to tell how hard you're trying to make it seem like you were doing the right thing. Definitely not eavesdropping. The handsome stranger is only shaking his head as he walks towards the door where the two brothers had gone in to only half an hour ago. Still watching you.
But alas, your mind malfunctions and the only thing you can think of is to get out of there. Too many good looking men you've seen to last you a decade. You're scurrying away back to the room you were originally supposed to be in and you can hear his chuckle even as you go further down the hallway to the room.
Slumping against the wall, your hand clutches just above where your heart should be. You were sofired. There was no way that whoever this was would not mention you lurking outside the room. Who was he anyway? Oh well, not that you would get to find out because you were stupidly caught eavesdropping. Eavesdropping! How cliché. It was impossible to focus on your work knowing that you will be in immense trouble. Pacing back and forth, rehearsing excuses and explanations to give Anders on why you were outside of your given area. And caught by a guest no less. From what you'd gathered about the older Kim son - he couldn't care less about your presence in the house.
One time he'd come in the living area, stayed for over two hours without acknowledging that you were even in the room. In fact, when Anders had called out to you to return to lend a hand at the kitchen is when he'd looked up at you as if it was the first time he was hearing a name that wasn't his own. Even then, he'd only looked at you for a mere few seconds before going back to the book he'd been reading.
But the newcomer - or old you guess, you'd only just started working after all - you weren't sure how he'd react to finding out your roaming outside his room. Surely, he would be just as aloof and uncaring of a mere maid as you, right? Maybe not if the handsome stranger told him about how well you'd been listening to the conversation inside. Oh lord. This was the only job that paid enough for you to send home and also keep a roof over your head. What were you going to do? You minded your own business but the one day curiosity got you was when you've been caught. Just your luck. Your mother was right. Your curiosity will be your end. And seems like it will be now as well judging from the sound of the doors opening from the young master's suite and several pairs of footsteps coming towards the room you were in.
Your limbs moving like lightning, making sure each and every one of the vases was picked up and dusted through thoroughly - it's obvious you're trying to look as occupied as possible. A few seconds later, the footsteps stop right outside the room you're in and your heart might as well have stopped pumping blood through your body as well with the way your temperature drops from the impending doom. Had they told on you already? Was Anders also outside the door? If he was alone you could've tried to weasel your way out of such a mishap but you doubt the you could even let out a squeak between the three intimidating men.
To your demise, when the men enter the room - Anders is nowhere to be found. The two brothers and the third stranger who had caught you stand in the doorway looking all too.... nerve-racking (for you). Instantly you know that theyknow how nervous you are. Nervous of losing the only source of income that was enough to sustain you. The older of the two brothers is looking at you up and down, slowly and calculating. Like it's the first time he's seeing you. Someone like you at least. Some who wasn't at the same calibre as he. Even his gaze makes you feel poor. Inferior.
Thought it doesn't seem to be intentional. He was inspecting you like you were an enigma when in reality he was the one clad in all sorts of bling you were sure you would only see in the movies. Being so focused and aware of Seokjin, you'd almost forgotten about the two other men in the room. While the stranger leant against the wall like he had earlier, Jimin had taken a seat on the large sofa a few meters away from you. Crossing his, muscular you might add, thighs. Getting comfortable with one of his arms splayed on the back of the cushions while the other rested on the hand rest - completely at ease. The exact opposite of you. While Seokjin was all curious eyes, Jimin seemed to be looking at you with sly eyes, blatantly checking out your frumpy uniform and the duster in your hand. The smirk you'd seen in the morning still ever present on his face.
Never having been in a room with an attractive man such as Seokjin himself - let alone three - you're about ready to faint.
"Are you boys going to start or shall I?" The stranger spoke first. Voice breezy like they were about to have a conversation about the weather with you.
your eyes must still be opened wide when Jimin speaks up. "Relax Hoseok hyung, let the girl breathe first. You okay sweetheart?"
His saccharine sweet tone instantly soothes some of the nerves and the smile he sends your way, the wrinkles appearing around his round eyes making you feel all warm inside.
"U-Uh, wh-what? Oh I-I'm-" The elder cuts you off however. Seemingly not being able for you to finish up your stuttering. Hm, he definitely wasn't as nice as the other two.
"Anyway, what were you doing outside master Jimin's wing, little one?" The nickname makes your face redder than it was, feeling your blood rush in your head suddenly. Never did you think that the sons of your employer would actually refer to themselves as 'master'. You definitely guessed wrong. At least Jimin hadn't. You reallydid like him better even if he was about to fire you.
And guess what you do next? Sabotage yourself even further of course. Your mouth has no filter when you're nervous because the words come stumbling out before you can stop yourself.
"I heard your plan to get money from your dad!" The words almost sound like a really long, poorly pronounced word. A breath leaves you in a rush like you' been holding it in for a while after your word vomit. "Or w-well I guess.... m-more money."
The last words are whispered almost to yourself but the way the men are now widening their eyes at you - you know they heard every word.
"Excuse me?" The handsome stranger - Hoseok, now you know - fills the defining silence with the most endearing laughter you've heard in your small life-time just as Seokjin's incredulous tone has you shrinking back in to yourself.
"And what do you suppose... you will do with that information, hm?" Jimin slowly gets up from his place on the couch, straitening his dress pants. The Cheshire smirk still upturning the corners of his mouth as he stalks towards you. Slow, with purpose, to undoubtedly make you more nervous than you were feeling surrounded by him and his older brother standing adjacent to you.
"I-I... I won't say a-anything." You're taking a deep breath before you say the next words - gathering all the courage that you were able to. About to do something you never dreamed you would have to. "If you don't f-fire me."
Even though you are outright blackmailing these chaebol brothers and with a witness present, you can't help the frown creasing your forehead at your unethical actions. Who were you blackmailing people that can probably have your existence removed from this earth?! They certainly had enough money for it.
"And if we do fire you, little one?" The screech that leaves your throat at the unexpected closeness of Seokjin as he leans his head down. Close enough that you instinctively take a step back as his deep coal orbs bore in to yours - challenging you to respond.
"I-I-I um," you gulp, looking anywhere but his intense eyes that won't let you breathe. "I'll tell y-your father!"
Your reply is defiant but nowhere near as threatening as you'd wanted it to be. In all honesty, you just want to keep your job. Seokjin's eyebrows shoot upwards at your feigned bravery and the bold claim. How would you even get in touch with his father?
You'd only ever seen him from a distance in person. Here's to hoping they don't call you on your bluff.
"Oh will you now?" His head tilts almost menacingly, still staring right down at you. The arms that come around to wrap themselves around you are purely in instinct. You were out of your depth here and desperately hoping they'd forget about this and ignore you. You were a mere house staff and a very lowly one at that.
Surely they won't fall to your words. This was stupid and you were doomed. You're about ready to apologies when Jimin speaks making your head snap towards him.
"Calm down, brother." His smile is then directed at you. "What's your name darling?"
"Y-Y/n." Your brain was on auto-pilot and you just wanted to be out of trouble.
"Well, y/n, don't worry." Jimin is close enough that you can smell his cologne. It smells heavenly and you almost want to sniff as much as you can to take in the smell while it's there. "Our mouths are barred," head leaning down just as Seokjin had been earlier, "as long as yours is."
Jimin was smooth. Slick and smooth with his hypnotic eyes, euphonious voice and tranquil words making sure you were listening. Comprehending every word. You're nodding along with him - actions a little quivery. Until another thought pops up in your head.
"W-What if h-he dobs me in?" Your head gestures towards Hoseok's animatedly in your nervous state. Completely missing the chuckle that sounds from the accused.
Jimin is biting his bottom lip, holding himself back from flat out laughing in your face probably.
"Don't you worry, sweetheart. We're all bounded in this contract. Deal?" He's nodding at you, prompting you to nod your understanding as well.
Seokjin is still scrutinising you, stepping back now that Jimin had taken over. You glance in Jimin's eyes before nodding once again - much more firmly.
"Excellent. Shall we seal this deal?" He looks around to Hoseok who just gestures with his hand 'as you wish' with a grin similar to Jimin's. It's like they're all communicating in some symbolic language that goes above your head. Seokjin doesn't respond but now stand besides Jimin.
When Jimin is looking back at you, a singular eyebrow raised - you nod as well. "O-Okay."
Hastily, you're wiping your clammy hands on your uniform to bring it forward and shake his hand. That's what he meant right?
The golden haired boy only smirks at your outstretched hand as his gaze falls back to your reluctant face. Your nerves are settling slightly when his arm is making its way to you as well - thanking god above that this was going to be over soon.
Until the said hands bypasses yours waiting to shake his and settles on the wall beside your head and your own eyes watch its descent. Before you can ask any questions or even make sense of what's happening, your head is tilted backwards slightly when a pair of voluptuous lips take their residence on your own. The noise of surprise leaving the back of your throat is the only other heard in the otherwise quiet room. Your hand instinctively going to grab at the arms caging you between them.
Jimin's kiss is all consuming, his lips gently sucking yours in the most unwavering embrace. Embrace is a bit of a stretch. While one hand had squashed any hopes of your escape, the other made it impossible as it held on to your face, caressing your cheek with his thumb as his tongue swiped over your lips. A whimper leaves your mouth when he does so and only a few seconds later, Jimin is pulling away with a wet 'pop' of his lips. His petal soft ones are moist and gently coloured with a natural deep pink.
You're barely breathing, eyes half closed when Hoseok has stepped besides the smirking Jimin.
"What a-"
"We're sealing it with a kiss, Darling. All of us." You felt like you were going to faint. Kissing one of them was this taxing - in the best way with the way the butterflies were going haywire in your tummy - how were you going to kiss all threeof them?
"I- Okay." You sound defeated and overwhelmed but ready to have someone fill the void that was left when Jimin stopped kissing you.
Hoseok has taken Jimin's place, swiftly pushing his head closer to yours, nuzzling your nose with his - an oddly intimate act - before his soft lips push against yours. Your arms have found their way to the top of his chest purely on instinct once more. Needing to hold on to something so your weak knees don't give out beneath you.
His kiss is more delicate than Jimin's. Much softer. Until he pulls back for the first time of course. Only to crash his mouth on to yours with a ferocity you were not expecting. Your hands are itching to tug on the silky strands of his hair but you resist. You're not sure if you should even kiss him back. What were you doing? Kissing strangers. It was a little too late to think about that anyway because there was no plausible reason you could think of at the moment to stopkissing him back.
"That's enough hyung. Let her breathe." Jimin's impish chuckle sounds from the room somewhere just as Hoseok's touch gets dangerously close to the curvature of your breasts.
He breaks away with a dramatic 'chu' as his lips part from yours. Sparkling from how shiny they were from your combined saliva. Jimin was right. You really needed to breathe before you fainted - especially with the way your knees wobbled, trying your best to rest against the wall behind you. Hoseok's eyes are still staring raptly at you, the knowing smirk still ever present. It briefly slips down to your heaving chest and even though the uniform was virtually shapeless - you felt almost naked under his scrutiny.
Evidently, your cheeks are reddening even further as he steps back, your heart skipping several beats and blood pressure spiking shortly after when you realise who was next - Kim Seokjin. Somehow, you'd expected the state of subtle arousal to dissipate to a certain degree. The substantial dislike you'd acquired for his tone whenever addressing you had been pushed to the side as he took his place in front of you. Your eyes lock, heart stopingly striking features making you breathless once again.
He, undoubtedly, intimidated you the most out of all of them. Eyes flicking back and forth between the other men and Seokjin, you're trying not to get nervous with each second that passes. Hoseok had not waited long enough to let the panic rise from deep down and you were thankful for that. Because nervous you was not appropriate. Not at all. But then again nothing about kissing your boss's sons and their friends was appropriate. You were way past that point. He places his hand besides your head, just as the other two had done. Bracing your hands behind you on the wall, you're ready for him to steal your breath away.
What you weren't expecting was the gentle press of lips against your cheek. A surprised gasp leaves past your - very lonely - lips. Trying to hide the disappointment that's trying to claw its way on to your face, you stay very still like moving even just an inch might be catastrophic for you. Just as soon as he kissed you, he's pulling away. You hadn't noticed his other hand that had been just shy of holding your waist - hovering besides it like he was uncertain. Which was a crazy thought to you.
"Nowit's a deal." Jimin speaks up from behind Seokjin. Seokjin's broad shoulders had almost completely blocked your view of the other two men in the room that you had momentarily forgotten about them.
Seokjin moves away just as fast as his little peck on your cheek. Which makes you wonder if you were that indigent to him, this unappealing, that he'd resorted to a little peck on your cheek. This was ridiculous on its own because your perception of reality was so skewed considering the events that had transpired in the past hour. A few hours ago you were getting ready to do your weekly thorough cleaning of the vast left wing - now you were internally pouting at not receiving a kiss from one of the three most handsome men you'd ever laid your eyes on. Not to forget - two out of three were your employers.
The realisation is enough to jolt you out of your thoughts and speculations, looking around at all of them. "I should go."
Your words are shaky, rightfully so with how much physical intimacy you received in the last hour than the last month. Neither of the three men stop surveying your tremulous tip-toeing towards the door, trying to get out of the stifling room that was feeling too small with all the bodies occupying it.
They don't stop you when you're fumbling with the golden doorknob, finally pulling open the door. Though why would this day get any easier for you, right? And what had you done in your previous life to deserve this.... predicament. Standing in front of you, was another man. That's right. Another one. Beautiful, incredibly so. He seems to be just as tall as Jimin, ivory skin with a healthy amount of flush.
"Well, hello... maid." His deep - puzzled voice sends shivers down your spine as you stare Bambi eyed at him. Why were all these men so, comically handsome? He looks just as puzzled as he sounds.
"Ah! Perfect timing Yoongi hyung." The loud, boisterous voice startles you once again, whipping around to face Hoseok while Jimin walks towards the newcomer.
"Is the another one of your role-play threesomes Jimin? Poor thing looks like she's going to cry. Unless you're a professional actress?"
The last question is directed at you as he looks into your eyes, his own lovely face frowning as he inspects your uniform. Before you can answer though, Seokjin is scoffing, taking a seat on the couch once again with the drink in his hand that he'd been pouring earlier.
"Please, I wouldn't be here if that were true. Come, have a seat. She won't cry." He waves his dismissal of you and once again - your face is heating. This time in irritation.
Yoongi just shrugs, eyes still watching you as he sits beside a lounging Seokjin who offers him a drink. "So, what's the little maid doing here?"
Jimin is smirking again as he looks towards his older brother. "Let me explain." he offers.
"Make my friend a drink, little one."
"Pardon?" Seokjin sighs, as if being greatly inconvenienced that he has to elaborate.
"Just because you got a few kisses from us doesn't relieve you of your duties, yes?" His narrowed eyes are condescending but you can't say anything. Because he was right. You were still a maid at their house despite the little stunt they pulled earlier (you were complicit).
"Y-Yes. Of course." Eyes downcast as you make your way to the liquor cabinet, taking out the bottle that Seokjin had previously to pour himself one.
"Wait, you guys kissed your maid?" Yoongi's unbelievable laugh makes the blood rush back in to your cheeks. They were discussing you like you weren't there and it was embarrassing to say the least. Though they definitely out-ranked you on the power spectrum so you doubt they really cared much about your input.
"It was a transaction, nothing much of it."
"Talk about yourself, mine was definitely more than that." Jimin is scoffing but you still hear the smirk in his voice. "Isn't that right, sweetheart?"
You know he's talking to you even if he doesn't know your name yet but you resist the urge to turn around, already too embarrassed at how easily you'd given in to their advances. Wiping your hands down on your uniform again to get rid of the sweat that's been accumulating, you carefully hold the heavy liquor glass. Hoping that it doesn't slip from your clammy hands otherwise you were in a lot more trouble than before.
Hands slightly shaking, you stop right before you reach the couch, bending forward to hand the newest face his glass of whiskey. You hadn't noticed before but all 4 of them had been watching you. Carefully examining your composure and the nervousness pouring off of your frame as you tried to keep your eyes on the glass. You make the mistake of glancing up at Yoongi and almost drop the glass like you'd been trying to avoid. Thankfully, he mercifully takes it from you - eyes still watching as he takes a sip.
"Sorry! Sorry..."
"That's okay little one. What's your name?"
"Wait yeah. we never asked her name." Hoseok muses from the opposite couch he's sitting on and Yoongi scoffs at them all again. But they did? Did they really forget my name already?
"Really now?" He's shaking his head mumbling 'egocentric fools' before his eyes turn back to you. "Go on."
Taking a deep breath. Wondering if you should give your real name or a fake one this time in case they try to have you fired when you're gone. You decide to be brave and tell them your name. Again.
"Y/n." No stuttering, thank god.
"How long have you been working here y/n? I would remember a pretty face like yours." Yoongi's tone is light, not flirty like his words suggested. He seemed like a person who just talked this way - complimenting people he deemed worthy of them.
"Three- Three and a half months now." Your voice gets quieter the longer your sentence goes on. The blush on your face is now permanent because of how intently all of them seem to be looking at you. you also need to fight the urge to shuffle your feet around like you were on trial for something bad you did and they were the judge and the jury. In a sense you guess that they were because you wouldn't be here otherwise.
"Hm. Somehow I'm seeing you for the first time today." You bite you tongue, wincing lightly at your own strength but you had to. Otherwise you would go on a tangent about how he really rarely looked at the staff in his own home. Seokjin just annoyed you! Biting on your lip - a nervous habit - you contemplate whether you should ask if you can go.
You were soclose before.
"Please, hyung. You would've if you stopped admiring yourself every chance you got." Jimin mocks his older brother.
"Not my fault I look like this." Seokjin is gesturing to himself like it's a great burden being that good looking. Then again you don't know. It could be.
"Settle down children." Yoongi rolls his eyes at the two brother bickering, checking his gold toned Rolex before speaking again, "so, what's this scheme I’ve been summoned for? Spit it out."
"That'll be all y/n." Jimin's charming smile is directed at you all of a sudden when Yoongi mentions the dreaded plan that you'd overheard. Nonetheless, the way your name slips off his tongue sends a small shiver down your spine, nodding at him before staggering towards the door.
"Don't forget our deal, little one." You can hear Hoseok snickering when Jimin calls out behind your retrieving figure.
Knees almost knocking into each other when you're outside the room, you let out the biggest breath that you were once again, unwarily holding. What had you gotten yourself in to?
Everything was coming crashing down onto your psyche. The gravity of the situation was settling on you and you could feel the hyperventilation lurking nearby. These were not just normal everyday people who happen to have more money than you. The Kim family was affluent and prominent. They didn't follow the normal dynamics of society like all the other wealthy and rich in this country. They made the rules that they wantedto follow. Remembering the incident from when you'd just started working here, you could feel your heart drop down to your toes.
It was your second week on the job and your timorous nature was taking a back seat slowly - getting a hang of your duties. Anders was kind and let you settle in and perhaps because you were just as old as his granddaughter he'd told you about. Minhyuk - another staff member that you'd seen around the Manor and quite honestly developed a small crush on - had been showing you the east wing and what your duties included. You didn't have much to do there as it was Mr Kim's quarters, including his study and office where he worked once in a while. Not everyone had access to that area of the house and you figured it was because of his work. maybe he was really particular about the way things were done. You just didn't think much of it.
"You will always be given your schedule of the type and duration of cleaning required the day before when it comes to Master Kim's rooms so please take note of that."
He smiles sweetly as he shows you around. The notepad in your hand, you're diligently taking notes because you did not want to risk leaving all of this new information to your forgetful nature. You swear you hear him mumble 'cute' when he's watching you but the sound of heels clicking on the marble floors distract you both. When you look up - your jaw is almost dropping to the floor. You's seen Mr Kim's partner a fair few times - on the news that is. In person she was even more... unreal. Tall, thin with equally bright and big bone structure. It didn't phase you when you learnt that she was indeed - a model.
"Good morning Am- Ms King!" Her pearly whites make a small appearance before she curls her lips in an almost sensual smile.
"Good morning Minhyuk. Who is this?" She doesn't spare you a glance when she questions, fingers lingering on his shoulder as she leans in a little close to him.
The blush lettering Minhyuk's cheek tells you that this isn't the first time she's been this close to him. He introduces you as the newest staff addition but she doesn't seem to be listening. What she does though is start to question him about his weekend. Making him almost forget that you're there. What does capture your attention meanwhile is the slight rustle - as if someone had walked away from around the corner. You're only able to catch the colour black and a suit comes to mind automatically.
"Everything alright y/n?" Minhyuk's voice makes you whip your head around back to him and you catch Ms King watching you as well.
"I-I just thought I saw someone." Ms King frowns at that.
"That must be Ryuk. Excuse me." She just smiles - one that doesn't reach her eyes as she steps away. Ryuk?
Sensing your confusion, Minhyuk answers your unanswered question. "That's Mr. Kim. His first name is Ryuk. Weird right?"
You just chuckle along with him - completely missing the underlying panicked tone. He continues the tour but after your run-in with Mr Kim's fiancé, he seems to be on edge.
The next day at work - Minhyuk is nowhere to be seen. Not the next day either. Then never again. A month later - you receive your new duties in the east wing. Minhyuk's designated area.
"Excuse me sir," Anders looks up from the sheets of paper he'd been handing out to the rest of the staff, "Isn't it M-Minhyuk's area? Am I temporarily-"
He doesn't let you finish. "He doesn't work here anymore dear. These will be your permanent duties until further notice."
Your heart clenches at his direct tone. He only spoke like this to you on your first day at work. He doesn't elaborate any further and you get the hint to not further question the change in staff.
You don't see Minhyuk again.
How were you so asinine that you didn't connect the dots before? Minhyuk's panic as he'd shown you to your duties after Mr Kim had possibly seen you three chatting with his Fiancé, him getting replaced - fired? - with you. He was simply removed from the Manor and you'd never heard his name from any of the other staff members either. It's like he never worked there. You were rapidly fading down the doomed rabbit hole. Already thinking of about a hundred ways Mr Kim's sons could have you disposed of. Maybe you were thinking too much? Not possible. With this family, anything was possible.
The tear that falls down your face has you bringing your cold hand up to your hot cheeks. Foolishly, you've forgotten to go much further away from the room you'd exited from. The panic clouding your senses as you fished for your phone from your pocket, hastily dialling your grandmother's house phone.
A few rings later, you hear your mother's annoyed tone. "H-hello Mama."
Her tone turns sickly sweet, dishonest you know but you try to trick your heart and your brain in to believing her concern. "Hi dear! Haven't heard from you in so long. Are you not at work?"
Her tone turns serious and worried instantly at the prospect of you not being at work. You also want to tell her that you called every two days after work but she never wanted to speak to you unless it was payday. But that doesn't hurt you nearly as much as her not even being remotely entered in your wellbeing.
"I am at work. Could you... could you put Nana on the phone please?"
"Um. Okay." That's it. your voice is cracking and you know she can hear you but she doesn't care enough to ask.
"Hello? y/n?"
"Nana." whimpering, you try to not burst out crying. Keeping the intense emotions at bay.
"What's wrong dear? Are you alright?" Hearing her perturbed tone at your distressed one only makes the tears fall quicker, making you slap them away so they don't blur your vision completely.
"Nana... I might be in trouble. I-I might get..." fired. You couldn't say it. Once you let her know you were a hundred percent sure your mother would be incessant in having her spill the bad news. She would make your grandmother's life hell and you couldn't do that to her. Your mother needed the steady money to keep her in rehab. You had hopes that since she was at least going to rehab - that one day she could be a good mother to you.
"What dear? You can tell me y/n." Pushing your hand over your mouth, you try and swallow the sob before it passes through the phone. Though you could already hear your mother asking your Nana what was going on.
"Be quiet Elizabeth! I'll tell you."
"I-I'm okay. I just miss you." You could do this. your grandmother didn't deserve this. No one deserved this just because you made a foolish mistake and you hope she doesn't question you further.
"We miss you too dear. So much. Will you be able to visit soon? Let her get back to work Ma." Your mother sounded angry and you wanted to scream at her through the phone that at least your grandmother cared.
"I'll let you know. I have to go now Nana. I love you."
"I love you too darling. So much." She stays on the line for a few more moments. Making sure you didn't want to say anything else.
Dropping your head down in your lap - you let the last few stray tears fall, trying to stay as quiet as possible. You needed to pull it together. Your family was counting on you to keep this job and you were going to fight for it. Even if you were several outnumbered. You had their secret and that should count for something, right? As long as you appeared strong in front of them - maybe they'll leave you alone.
Dusting off your uniform, wiping away at your face and checking it in the nearest grand mirror on the wall - you get to work. You still had a job.
What you domiss though, is the man who had witnessed your panicked tears. He hadn't expected himself to be this affected but the way his heart clenched and his hands curled into fists at your disturbed state - he'd never wanted to comfort someone this badly. Empathy. A foreign emotion indeed.
1K notes · View notes
Text
therapy [jeon jungkook]
Tumblr media
writer: michiko
genre: angst, short story, fan fiction
synopsis: some things are only for oneself. some things are shared to friends, family, significant other, or even social media. but there are things that only the therapist knows.
character/s: jeon jungkook, original character [i]
TRIGGER WARNING: may contain mention of violence, profanity, mental health, self-harm
story:
There are things that no one else knows, things that are better off kept to oneself or locked away in the deepest and darkest part of ourselves. It sounds kind of selfish, almost as if I did not give a single fuck about anyone around me because sharing is supposed to be caring, but let us be honest for a while...none of you gives a shit about anyone, too.
But when you keep everything to yourself and not share it with anyone, chances are you would burst into flames and your enemies will dance on your ashes, not even taking time to scatter your remains at your favorite place. So the moral lesson of life is trust no one. 
Why have I grown to be such a heartless loser? It’s all because of a guy. 
How cliché. But isn’t life a compilation of clichés?  
“Let’s give him a name. Jeon. Let’s call him that. 
It wasn’t anything romantic or extraordinary like eyes meeting from opposite sides of the room or bumping into each other and me spilling coffee on his perfect white shirt. But it does involve coffee. 
There is this hidden gem of a coffee shop in Gangnam that holds these jam nights. It's really fun. It's not just music. There's a bit of slam poetry and every Friday the 13th, there's a speed dating.
Yes. That's where I met Jeon. 
I still remember his first question…"
I had yet to settle on the stool when the guy asked, "What's with the black lipstick?" His voice dripped of this tone that seemed like some kind of judgment, which I was ready to retort. But then my eyes saw the most gorgeous being to walk this fucked up planet. Maybe for me but that was the thing, I normally dislike everyone but there was something about him that gripped onto me so tight that I could not find a way to escape it. 
His dark brown eyes seemed too pierce through my soul, his button nose being the only adorable thing on such a handsome face, his red lips tugged up to a smirk, and framing his face was his gorgeous chin-length black hair with an undercut on the right side―a modern Hades with his black clothes and black boots, matched with his golden skin that glowed even under the dim light of the coffee shop.
I arched my brow as I looked at him, wondering what a guy like him was doing at a speed dating.
“Not to be judgmental but he had the look of a sex god and I am pretty sure that every girl who sees him would definitely jump on him. Trust me on that one because if it wasn’t for my lack of interest and self-control, I would have straddled him right there and then.”
Out of habit, I rolled my eyes not out of genuine annoyance but more of to build a bit of persona around him. It was more of a mask as I tried to gauge what he likes and what he was into...the likes. “I didn’t really want to go to this thing. When they said Friday the 13th event, I was looking forward to a slasher fest or a horror movie night, but apparently that’s not what’s going on. I’m not thrilled.” 
And though I stay over poetry and enjoy the sappy love songs, my reputation has long become the disturbed girl with serious parental issues resulting in lack of self-confidence and self-love, matched with a foul mouth and love for gore and anything dark and darker than black. 
“Call it stupid but it was easier to put a mask for someone rather than to bare my soul and be judged and tossed to the side. At least, with a mask, I can throw it away and make a new one. That makes me sound so deranged but so what?”
He chuckled, crossing his legs like he was some kind of model who just had to show off that he could look like a model. “Dark but I like it.” 
That was what did it for me. The moment he appreciated the darkness I presented, I thought that nothing would scare him because right then he knew that knives and blood are what keep me sane. Right then I thought that he knew what kind of mess he was getting into...or what I thought he was getting into. 
“The more we talked, the more I found myself falling in love with him. I learned how he is more than the guy that he lets on to be. In ways, we were similar. We both hated being judged and so we pretend to be someone else to keep our true selves intact and untouched by the chaotic world outside and toxic people who feed on the weak and the kind.
And the more things got real, the more I wanted it. But he felt differently.”
His hand has always felt warm around mine, making me feel safe and secured. There was something about every bit of him that made me feel warm...as if I was home. 
The view was nothing spectacular but the way the sun and the clouds decorated the blue sky was breathtaking in its own way. Our eyes would momentarily take a break from basking in the light and meet each other in a passionate yet brief glance, as if to make sure that we still had each other. I dreaded the moment that we would have to part…
“So you’d understand how crushed I felt when he let go of my hand because his friends were approaching us and he hasn’t told them about me for reasons I didn’t know at the moment, reasons I wished I didn’t know.
He held me as if he didn’t want to lose me. He touched me like I was a goddess he worshiped. He kissed me as if we would die tomorrow. He told me he loves me as if those were the only words he knew. 
But the moment his crew gets involved, I become a girl who got obsessed with him and wanted him all to myself and he was just kind enough to actually play with me.
What kind of self-respecting woman would stay with a guy like him?”
His head hung low, eyes could not even meet mine. “What the hell was that, Jeon?” My voice was firm, trying my best not to explode and risk another unnecessary argument that I knew I could not handle at the moment. “I know you have some kind of reputation to uphold but why can’t you just tell them that we’re in a relationship? Why do you have to make it seem like I am some kind of obsessed fangirl who wouldn’t leave you alone?” 
As he looked up at me, I could see that he felt guilty about it. His doe eyes always worked its charm and I would often forgive him but I could not seem to find a reason to do so. 
“My self-confidence was on a different kind of low. A part of me felt as if he was just hanging me on a hook because I love him...I loved him. He liked the ego boost so he kept me. Every single time he made me feel like a stalker fangirl, I lost every bit of faith and hope that someone could love someone so messed up, that someone could appreciate the broken. 
I very much thought he could and maybe he could.”
Shaking my head, I knew what I had to do and say, “I’m going. I’m sorry, Jeon. I can’t do this if you want to keep this up. I know that you have your own issues but I can’t keep on ignoring it. I can’t keep on pretending that it’s okay because it’s not. I love you. I swear, I do. Maybe even more than myself.” 
I should not have glanced at him because the moment I saw that look on his face, his brown eyes pleading with me. Immediately, I looked away to avoid breaking and losing my stand. “Maybe someday, Jeon.” I paused, a brutal attempt to keep myself from breaking down. “I love you.”
Then I left. 
I left before I changed my mind and decided to settle for what was there. 
“As petty as it sounds, it drove me back to the darkest parts of my mind. Whatever light he brought to my life disappeared. My life drowned in pitch black again. 
My family is a mess, my parents constantly breathing down my neck over every single thing and me being the constant disappointment in their golden lives. My friends expect me to be as high-achieving and goal-oriented as they are as if I have no dreams. 
As stupid as it may seem, Jeon was the only one who understood me...or tried and that was more than enough. 
He tried. And that’s okay.
I didn’t want to kill myself over him. I just wanted to feel a bit of physical pain to justify the emotional pain that I was going through, thinking that the break-up was too small of a thing to cry over...and wounds are more valid.
But I guess I was wrong because I had to talk about all of this again when I didn’t want to. As much as possible, I wanted to keep this all hidden and buried underneath but therapy really wants us to dig deep, right?”
Dressed in a little black dress, curly black hair clipped at the side, black boots tapping against the floor, bandaged wrists making the perfect accessory to show off while drinking a non-spiked punch―it was an outfit I had no time to plan out but it was a perfect way to show off how I feel about the entire thing...not that anyone gives a shit anyway. 
Across the floor was Ms. Kang, glancing at my direction as if I was going to have a breakdown. Her eyes even got bigger than they already are just when I felt someone standing next to me. And by the look on Ms. Kang’s face, she was invested. 
I knew that the older woman across the floor was not going to look away anytime soon. And I did not have to look at who stood next to me because I could very much tell by the scent that was wafting to my direction. 
“Oh Jeon.” 
“What do you want, Jeon?” I asked, trying to stay strong despite my own strength wavering. 
He chuckled, the same cocky reaction he had whenever he knew that he had something in his grip. “You.”
“I’m not a ‘what’ and didn’t I say that we’re not getting back together until you learn to treat me like your girlfriend and not some psycho stalker?” I rolled my eyes as I took a good gulp of my drink, hoping that I seemed convincing because I did not believe anything that was coming from my lips.
He nodded, setting his cup down on the table before he held me by the shoulders and faced me towards him. “And that’s why I’m here. To make things right.” The cocky look on his face immediately melted, his hands reaching for mine. “I told my friends who you are in my life and it took me a while to realize that it didn’t matter what anyone wants to see from me. What’s important is that I’m happy and I’m happy with you.” 
Arching a brow, I asked, “Really?”
“Really.” A smile stretched across his lips as a soft one appeared on mine, almost as if telling him that we were okay. 
“Sometimes, love can be as simple as forgiving. May their apology be truth or lie, time can only tell and it may be too late but you did your part. But we can’t always fear forgiving and getting hurt. Let’s be honest, we learn by getting hurt. And we won’t know unless we try. 
As much as I wanted to keep Jeon at arm’s length, I want to know if things will work out now because I don’t want to wake up one day regretting that I didn’t forgive the guy I truly love, especially for something that’s still fixable.”
“Why is Ms. Kang looking at me like she wants to murder me?” Jeon asked, arms cautiously wrapped around my waist. 
Pressing my lips together for a while, I looked at him with a smile. “Maybe because she knows what kind of asshole you are?” I laughed. 
With a confused look he asked, “What do you mean?”
“Let’s just say that I tell my therapist everything.”
5 notes · View notes