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#narcissist
livingfictionsystem · 5 months
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A lot of pop psychology gets thrown around and since I already have a headache, here's preventing you lot from making it worse.
Love-bombing: A manipulation tactic of increasing affection and grand gestures before or after doing something abusive, specifically to weasel one's way out of consequences.
What it is not: A streak of affection and generosity towards friends/loved ones.
Trauma-bonding: Knowingly traumatizing someone to take advantage of their vulnerable state, to then act like the "hero" or the one who cheers them up.
What it is not: Bonding over similar traumas.
Gaslighting: *Knowingly* convincing someone they cannot trust their own perception of a situation in pursuit of one's own narrative.
What it is not: Misaligned perception of events.
Narcissist: Someone afflicted with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, a traumagenic cluster B disorder, that struggles with self-obsession, paranoia, craving validity from the public, delusions of grandeur, and social disconnection.
It is not: Your rubbish ex that cheated on you.
Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
-Xanthe
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mirroringshards · 7 months
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you have any fucking word in the dictionary to describe your abuse. please stop using the one that describes a personality disorder
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ineffectualdemon · 1 year
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flashy-mf · 1 month
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Pro tip: if you know a narcissist who tends to oscillate between “I’m upset, why the hell isn’t everyone rushing to my side?” and “I don’t want to talk to you, I’m upset” a good solution to this is to talk to us, but as if we’re not upset.
Ignoring us while in a fragile state is narc language for “look how much fun I’m having while you’re busy crying. Look at me being so not concerned about you at all. You don’t even affect your surroundings, because if you did the world would stop until you felt better, but you’re basically nothing and everything is moving on without you.”
Trying to help or comfort us is narc language for “I think I understand what’s going on better than you do, and I’m making it your problem. My advice is to stop being upset immediately and do whatever I think you should. I’m now going to explain things you already know about the situation as if you’ve never known a damn thing in your life.”
So please for the love of god, just come over and talk to us like you wanna hang out. Don’t ignore us. Don’t attempt to solve or even acknowledge our emotions. Just say hi and ask if we want to hear a song or something. Make a joke or a compliment. Talk to us like everything’s going normally, and we’ll more than likely start to go along until we feel fine.
Nine times out of ten, what we actually need is just some basic company and supply.
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selfhealingmoments · 3 months
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esti3 · 1 year
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OPIUM
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A disorder is not abusive you’d never say it for any other disorder why the fuck are you saying it about personality disorders and psychotic disorders
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anotheraspdrager · 6 months
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you'll never convince me that empathy's a real thing, what happens is you see a person in a bad situation and imagine being in their place so you put yourself in a bad mood too, you're not "absorbing or sharing their emotions" you're just making their bad situation about you and assuming they feel the same way as your imaginary self in your imaginary scenario, and you may get it right sometimes but without any guarantee exactly because there's no actual connection between the two emotional states
edit: check the comments before replying thx
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hisenemy · 10 months
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what also gets me about people being so adamant about using the word "narcissist" or some form of it to describe shitty people is...there are other words. I was just watching a drew gooden video and he said "If you knowingly take part in something that has the potential to put other people in harm's way and you still do it cause it's kind of fun for you, you are selfish and you suck." (It's the gender reveal party.)
Just seeing how many commentary YouTubers, especially more leftist ones that talk about the heavier side of things like misogynists and seeing them use the term narcissistic or delusional is just. We HAVE other words we can use! We HAVE USED other words for years before narcissistic became a big trend to say and narcissistic abuse really ramped up as a pop psychology trend.
It is literally SO easy to use other words. You can Google similar words. Selfish, self centered, self righteous, egotistical, arrogant, entitled. One of the best words I find is probably entitled. Because a lot of bigots and misogynists and shit that usually get delusional and narcissistic thrown at them are really more self centered, arrogant, and entitled. Self interested, self obsessed. Especially since for abusers, misogynists, other shitty people, the entitled comes from the fact it is NORMALIZED!!!!! It is not a bunch of narcissists harming people, it is a society, a world, that has normalized this behaviour. They are entitled, they are abusive, they are selfish, they are cruel. There are so many OTHER WORDS to describe your abuse, to describe shitty people. Just call them abusers or bigots for fucks sake. And even if some delusional people may get roped into it cause they're vulnerable, typically it is a lot of people who are INTENTIONALLY doing it. It is normalized, it is allowed!
All we narcissists ask is that you not use a word that demonizes us. "There's a difference" yet other people say there isn't, other people say NPD isn't even fucking real, other people say pwNPD ARE abusive. If we used any kind of other word for the more "talked about" disorders, there would be a problem. We ask that you change it, we ask that you use other words, we ask that you not further add to the stigma. The same stigma that BPD deals with, that autistic people deal with, that any neurodivergent person deals with. The stigma and demonization is something ALL neurodivergencies have fucking faced!!! It may have moved away from demonization for a lot of disorders, but there ARE people that DO still believe it.
We fucking ask you literally use any other word. And you refuse to. You refuse to listen to us. You refuse to believe us when we tell you the harm it has and how it actually prevents us from finding resources. You say "of course a narcissist would want that." You see it as an attack on you and your trauma. You are throwing trauma victims at risk of abuse under the bus because you want to feel vindicated in your own trauma. You completely ignore any critical thinking of what we say to turn it against us, to ignore us, to bring up your own trauma as a defense point. Yes, you were abused by someone and it is terrible that happened. So were we!!! My abusive mom probably has NPD, but it did not affect the abuse I faced, it only add strains in our relationship outside of the abuse that still affect us to this day.
It is SO easy to find another word, to literally just listen to us, to not throw us under the same fucking bus. To not group us in with abusers and rapists and child sex offenders and murderers. Would you fucking like to be compared to your abuser? Pretty sure you fucking wouldn't. So why is it okay to do to us?
Some people will never listen. No matter what I say, it does not matter. As with any kind of thinking along these lines. But for those that are still reachable, please. Listen to us. And what would you even do if you found yourself having NPD traits? Wouldn't it be terrifying to see that in yourself? Because I sure as hell thought it was. It made me hate myself and further believe that I could NEVER do any wrong because I wasn't like my narcissistic abusers and worsened my relationship difficulties. A fair bit of narcissists on here had also fallen into that same hole. It doesn't heal you. It keeps you angry, scared, upset. It makes you want to hurt them back. And that will not heal you. It'll keep you defensive. It's keeping you in a victim mentality and preventing healing.
To the ones that ARE reachable, I hope you can learn something from my posts, from posts I reblog, or from any other posts. It starts with narcissists and "psychopaths" (antisocials), but it is the same place the stigma of every neurodivergency and mental disorder stems from. It's why other disorders may still get demonization from some ableists. That a lot of autistic experiences were based around how it affected OTHER PEOPLE like "think of their mom having that autistic kid :(" it is not anything new. It is the same ableism and stigma. It is less demonized for other disorders now, focusing more on treating it as no big deal, ignoring the actual difficult symptoms of such disorders (like if you have poor hygiene, people will judge you regardless), or even infantilization. There IS still stigma, but the stigma was once the same as us, demonization. It comes from the same place. It's things said about other disorders still today even if it is rarer. It's just more well known for the "scary" personality and psychotic disorders since there is a big push to destigmatize things like depression, anxiety, OCD, autism.
Do not throw us under the bus. It will do nothing. It is the same fucking stigma, the same fucking arguments. Like gay people throwing trans people under the bus, they're called the same things even if it seems like they aren't. It comes from the same bigotry, the same place of hatred.
It is not new, it is not different, it just is more common for personality disorders, psychotic disorders, and schizospec disorders. So when we bring up these things, mention how using the term directly associated with a disorder in the DSM V and how it prevents us getting help, how using the term narcissistic DOES correlate to NPD, please fucking listen.
Cause nothing will ultimately benefit you for continuing down that rabbit hole. Narcissistic abuse believers don't help victims of abuse, those articles and questions don't help you heal. It keeps you angry how anyone could do that, it takes advantage of your vulnerability and desire to find meaning and logic out of it. The reality is, you may never know why or at least not until you are away from the abuse.
We are trauma victims as well. We are still at risk of abuse because of our disorder. I would genuinely stay with an abuser just for the sake of narc supply regardless of how they hurt me if I did not have a good support system. For our "toxic" traits, we cannot work on them without help and the idea of narcissistic abuse pushes stigma further which prevents us from even finding free online resources, let alone if we actually tried to seek any fucking help.
Narcissistic abuse is not real and it will never be. Please fucking include us in "mental health matters" and the push for destigmatizing disorders. We are fucking humans that need help. And even if we were all toxic and selfish hypothetically, removing the ability to find resources or get help is NOT the way to go.
Even when I believed in narcissistic abuse, I would search to find answers on why I aligned with NPD if I wasn't an abuser or a bad person. I was terrified to even suspect it despite how much attention and love and supply I needed and how that applied to the very essence of my being. Even when I examined my own actions, all I found was treating it as if they're the utter worst of humanity. Even with my toxic and unhealthy acts because I was a fucking traumatized teen with no experience for relationships of any kind especially not healthy ones, I could not find answers or help. And all that did was reassure me that I WAS the good person, that I was JUSTIFIED in my toxic desires because I was traumatized. It did not help me with my emotional regulation, it worsened it.
Even if narcissists WERE all abusers or toxic and bad, they deserve fucking help and a chance to be able to see their actions in a better light. Some people may never change, but plenty will if given resources and actual professional help. The idea of narcissistic abuse refuses that and just demonizes it and NOBODY wants to be demonized, NOBODY wants to believe they're a bad person. The term narcissistic abuse and the environment and community surrounding it is toxic. It always will be. That is inherently what it is about. It kept me terrified that someone might call me an abusive narcissist because of my emotional difficulties, that someone would take me out of context and turn me into a monster like my family had done my entire fucking life. It keeps you defensive, it keeps you scared, it keeps you mistrustful, it keeps you in those trauma responses. It does not fucking help victims find peace of mind or heal. It keeps you triggered.
Also NPD isn't just a single disorder on its own. It's comorbid or the person could be ND in other ways. BPD + NPD, it has some genetic factors so a narcissistic parent may increase likelihood you have it, there are DID systems with it. You are not just throwing people with purely ONLY NPD under the bus, but whoever else may have it that may also fall under many other categories. I'm autistic and have NPD, I'm a system with NPD, I'm schizospec and psychotic with NPD. I have ADHD and NPD. They may not be directly related and comorbid, but I do still fall under these other categories. So autistics throwing people with NPD under the bus does nothing for the narcissists that are also fucking autistic. So by throwing narcissists under the bus, you are throwing a LOT of people with that disorder that also have other forms of neurodivergency under the bus as well. And the stigma all comes from the same place anyway.
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“People with ASPD and NPD are unlikely to seek help”  If you were treated like you just murdered the therapist’s entire family in front of them every time you tried I don’t think you’d seek help either 
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clusterrune · 10 months
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Narc Supply
a list of things that could be a narc supply! things pw npd find give them a narc high.
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explaining a narc supply - masterpost - compliment generator
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Personalized Praise
compliments that are personal to the person theyre directed towards
compliments that include facts or interests
compliments that are more than just the generic "i like (your appearance)"
praises about a persons skillset, created content, something they put even the slightest effort into
praises for help of any kind
complimenting something theyre good at and/or passionate about
praises for being knowledgeable about a topic
these can be very different depending on the person, some like the usual "good job im proud of you" and some prefer very high title praises like "youre a god/royal!"
Attachment / Emotional Feedback
some gain a high when they get certain reactions out of people
hate asks, love confessions
when someone has some sort of feelings towards them it helps them feel wanted and/or at the center of someones focus/attention
some prefer positive over negative feedback, some see negative feedback like hate mail as a sign they've reached popularity of some sort, some are neutral.
some narcs find people gaining an attachment to them as a supply
Break The Record
some narcs see reaching a goal as a supply
this can be reaching a new high score on a came
beating their own records
or beating other people's scores
getting ahead in a competition, even if it wasnt a competition to begin with, beating that goal they set can give them a high
Comforted
some might look for comfort media
listening to music or watching something they find comfort in
art or fanart they find comforting
comfort characters
all can help recover from a crash in a soothing way.
Perceive Me
people telling them how theyre perceived as an individual
especially if its in detail and can contain praise
knowing how one is perceived either by strangers or those theyre close with, can be someones supply
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a narc supply can be anything, ranging from anonymous hate to being told someone's proud of you, to being given a little affection and even something akin to being worshiped or feared and it can be more than one of these at a time.
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feel free to share any resources, tips or anything that works for you that i have not yet listed!
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mirroringshards · 1 month
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people say that one of the ways narcissists abuse is love bombing, but ive seen more narcissists be the victims of love bombing than the narc abuse advocates
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flashy-mf · 3 months
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“I don’t really care what people think”
*Proceeds to have an earth shattering meltdown because someone dare go against perceiving me within the strict image I invented for myself*
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drklord · 4 months
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npdlove · 1 year
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Fuck the stigma around NPD.
I love narcissists.
I want narcissists to succeed in life.
I want narcissists to find happiness.
I want narcissists to have healthy and effective support systems.
I want narcissists to be able to say they have their disorder without it being demonized.
I want narcissists to take care of themselves.
Because that's what narcissists deserve.
Because narcissists are people.
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