So sad today
Let's be honest with ourselves. The truth is I don't bloody know. But the world expects you to always have an answer so you make these narratives up that make the most sense. But then after a point it all doesn't align and it doesn't feel alright. You're confused and sad. You're empty and yet you feel such heaviness. You want and you want to unwant and that too is a want because wants are endless. Human behaviour digusts you but you also are human. Capitalism gets to you but you are so deep in it yourself. What are the boundaries? If I knew then I would maintain them. But the truth is I don't know. See the world in shades of Grey but are you just over complicating things and seeing what doesn't even exist? ALL THIS EXISTENTIALISM WONT DO YOU ANY GOOD. Go learn a life skill that can be exchanged for money that can be exchanged for good food and used to pay rent and buy clothes that allow you to fit in this society. Yes, you're poisoned by this world and no amount of unlearning is ever going to make you pure again. And that is why the peace you feel is so transitory. Withdraw yourself and go crazy. Immerse yourself and yet you will go crazy. All I know is oranges are making me feel okay right now as is water as is the idea of going to sleep. Maybe I'm just tired. Maybe all I want to do is never wake up. Maybe all I want is to wake up and be seven again. Not because I didn't feel all of this then but only it would still be years before I would process any of it. Even seventeen would be fine. The confidence and angst and idealism I was full of then kept me going. Now all I have are fruits and waiting for the seasons to change and avoiding the rush hour traffic to and from work. Little joys and little victories in a world full of endless little miseries.
//photo courtesy of: Angela Deane on Instagram//
I almost believed that I could fly
Just take off from that place from which I had lain stagnant for a lifetime
I believed I could soar across the stars
That golden moonlight would always guide my path
That warm sea breezes would embrace me in a cocoon of surety
You showed me that I was worthy
That it was possible to break free of the smallness that contained me
You taught me to look for the beauty in my world
Indeed I first saw my own beauty through your eyes
You showed me things I thought impossible
Taught me to question boundaries
To embrace my mad parts
To lift my face toward the sun
You taught me to love without the need to possess
You freed emotions within me that were trapped from my birth
You taught me to listen
For all these
I sincerely thank you.
Delightsofmysoul 29 September 2022
we stood, chilly hands,
encircling our nation's symbol
a ringed halo of visible breaths
plume enveloping sun drenched sky
teachers holding hands
with students, disarmed,
while apathy drifted
in carpools unloading teens
we stood, misunderstood
prayers of compassion
as I wondered,
when did bowed heads
become a betrayal
to secular eyes
when did embracing faith
beneath a lanky school's shadow
students spread quilted words
stitched from our loom's sanctuary
I snuggled within
their strength steadying
my trembling palms,
a poignant reminder
sometimes, the softest light
cannot be dimmed
life's unassuming mentors
materialize as strangers' folded fingers
standing in that cold
outside schools across America
stripped faith that tomorrow
will bring redemption
beyond today's distress
Rhapsodyinblue80// prayer at the pole
Wednesday, Sept, 28th was a nationally recognized day at schools where students stood around flag poles and prayed for our country, for the world, for the safety of those in Hurricane Ian's path. The words spoken were so lush with love and gratitude and kindness. I stood amazed that those few moments could be openly expressed before a school. Since when did words like hope, love, faith, belief become taboo, assigned meaning beyond their intention, which is universal love?
“Novembers are for softest sleep when skies are dark and grey. They do not mind the time you keep when night looks much like day. They do not mind the rain that falls so warmly down your cheek. ‘Rest easy now’ is what they’d say if months knew how to speak.”
— Ellis Nightingale
C. A. Singh • I write poems about everyone I kiss
I hope you are alive, wherever you may be. Not only alive but also the happiest you've ever been, having found whatever it is you were looking for. And I hope you don't think of me. There would be no reason to. Besides I do enough thinking for two, easily. I hope certain songs and foods and movies and shows and phrases aren't ruined for you because of me and any associations they might bring up. Though I hope they don't bring up anything other than what they are meant to be. I hope you can sleep peacefully at night and not see me in your dreams. I hope you can take photos and not recall all those in the past, wish-you-were-here digital picture postcards signed with cute emojis and delivered with glee. I hope you have tried new things and met new people, so much newness that there's no room or time for doubting what you felt had to be done. I hope you meet the one, everything you could ever want and need and they grow alongside you devotedly. I hope you don't read this because I know how it would sound and I mean it in all sincerity. Like I meant everything I said to you; I hope you at least meant some of yours. Though it doesn't matter now either way. I hope it eventually fades, the ache of having someone indelible suddenly and completely wrenched away. I hope forgetting isn't the only hope of this taking place. If it is, then I hope I can forget someday.
* pulsating *
can you feel me when I think of you?
breath on neck. suckle of lips. bites on shoulders.
fire in chest. pulsating desire.
my name covering your tongue.
I would burn through countless lifetimes just to get to you.
beg you to fill me with your ache. swallow me like honey.
never stop breathing life into my lungs, my bones.
you climbed effortlessly over my walls to guard my heart after you pulled it from its cage.
your words dress my skin
until my blood is flustered and butterflies dance upon my ribs.
today my heart will beat only for you, as if there is no tomorrow.
and tomorrow it will do it again.
and then again.
loving you so deep, the ocean cannot understand.
© ScriptedSilence.All rights reserved
I’m collapsing into myself these days. if I were not so exhausted I’d write myself a dying star or a sinkhole or even maybe Troy, burning. but Helen’s not here. it isn’t me standing on the shore. I don’t feel like a person sometimes. in the chaos of crumbling, I wonder if I ever was one to begin with.
The space between the ribs is hollow. My heart beats so it must echo. Come close, love. Listen. Softly, you'll hear your name.
Leave me on read, come and go as you please, love bomb me then disappear. Of course when you return I'll be bitter. Just like beer when it goes lukewarm. Just like green tea that's left to cool. The bitterness is not on me. It's on you who did not take me in when I was waiting to be consumed by you. Now, thank your stars all I do is leave a bitter taste and not burn your tongue by turning absolutely caustic.
i don’t know why i thought you were different
saw the glimpse in your eyes and mistook it for affection
didn’t know getting lost in your eyes meant being lost
thought your hands could keep me warm all winter long
confused the warmth with frostbite
should have known hands quick to fight could only belong to a heart quick to spite
how could i have misjudged you, i don’t know
all i know is that you’re not worth these tears
even though right now i can’t help but still feel
i guess i’m only human
i may have loved too fast
i may have loved too much
i may have wanted you so bad
i lost myself
perhaps if i hadn’t blinded myself to all your faults
i could’ve saved my heart
maybe feeling that glimpse of love was worth its pain
and maybe not
i just thought you’d be different
that you’d be it
i thought wrong
— i now know you weren’t a home, you were a tomb | wt.
Billowing into the blue
Watching you through uranium glasses
Becoming another speck on the horizon
Masticating the bitter with the sweet
Like chewing the scenery just to pass time
On the way to a dreamscape paradise
Oops the Geiger counter goes off again
Nope just another false alarm
I came for you but didn't get far
Hitchhiker's thumb and Achilles' heel
Mirages appear appallingly real
Never have I ever
doubted myself before I
stood in front of
and waited for my heart
to be weighted.
Never have I ever
felt more naked than that
took my heart
and placed it on the scale.
Never have I ever
been so still and quiet before
than in those seconds
when the scales
could see the result.
Never have I ever
felt such relief than when
and led me to
the Field of Reeds.
- Ely C. Winters.
There's nobody to blame
Nothing to protect
Brand new stars hang in the sky
And now that we are
Mostly just light
We should be playing their part
But what's left to prove?
C. A. Singh • Dandelions