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blingblong55 · 4 months

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New Year's Day -Simon "Ghost" Riley

Photo credit: @ave661

Inspired by this post

---- F!Reader, fluff, established!relationship ----

The morning after, glitter scatters the floor of the cosy flat you and your boyfriend lived in. Your friends all running to the lobby to catch the midday cabs. Simon picks up empty bottles around the home, you clean and sweep the floor, and he looks over at you. A smile on him as he notices one thing. It's been a while since he felt this comfortable, it's been so long since he felt like all was well.

The conversations, the laughter and how you and he shared an intimate moment in a crowded room. At that table last night, you and him sat down with your group of friends. It was the 31st of December when at the other end of the table, your friends caught the beautiful moment. The lights are warm and dimmed, he and you laugh, leaning on each other as smiles adorn both of your faces. That look in his eyes, one many would die for, the way he holds your hand or how his hand is placed on your back. What a beautiful moment, how amongst so many people, two lovers laugh, staring at each other with nothing but love. That softened gaze, oh how dare the poets die before witnessing this. The background is a window, snow falling as he leans closer.

His warm hand cupping your soft face, "I love you," he whispers and your eyes soften more. Those teary eyes of yours captured what your friends felt. "She's in love...true love," one mentions. It was true, from past lovers to him, oh how the times have changed. A wine bottle is the one to help those cold eyes of his confess what his heart won't say.

All that night, Polaroids were taken and in most of those, he was with you. His last beating drum. Simon picks up the scattered polaroids, one by one and as he does so, he finds one. Sweet beautiful moment, there you stood, holding him close as you kissed him, fireworks and people in the background. A smile as those precious lips of yours met his. "Si?" your voice breaking his trance. "Yes, lovie?" It was strange, he was never one for love and here he was, thanking all and anything that had led him to love you.

"I'm making breakfast, I just want to know if you want me to add extra butter to yours?" Why do you have to know him so well? How can a man like him deserve to be known this way? "Yes, love, I would, thank you," his voice soft. You nod and walk to the kitchen. He looks out the window, the same windowsill in which he smoked a cigarette as you sat on his lap, overlooking the city. "But I can't help, falling in love with you.." you hum and he does too.

As he looks down, he sees your notebook. "What is that, lovie?" he says, wrapping his arms around you from behind. "It's me writing to my future kids, you know just in case they feel like they don't know their mum well and... I want them to know about this day." Simon's heart melted. A future? With you? Damn it, why does he feel this way? why must he flush when you mention it and why does he want it now? A buff dad, walking down the street, his wife by his hand and his baby girl being carried by her dad. What a sight to live.

"Where do you live?" he asks you as a taxi drives you both back to your place. "I rent a place by Ninth Street," you mention casually.

Now, he watches as the same street is covered in snow, leaves, rain or sun. "Where do you live, mate?" Soap would ask. "I rent a place in Ninth Street with my girl," he mentions casually.

"Why do you even love me!? Why stay with a man like me" He asks between cries and confusion. "Because I love you! I love that I feel safe, that I know if the world out there was ending, I'd come to you and all would be fine." You try and make him reason. "I'm staying, even if you are lost at sea or on land, even if I'm too scared to move or if you keep pushing me away," you cup his face in your hands, caressing his scarred skin. "I want your mornings, evenings and midnights," you whisper, leaving kisses all over his face.

With every stroke of the pen in which you write to your future kids, you hold onto those memories between two lovers. You hold the good, the bad and all that comes in between.

Stupid. Stupid. oh fucking stupid argument you just had with him. Over what? An insecurity that was buried within you about his love. He was a good man, honest, loyal, understanding, funny, strong, romantic, soft and protective. The question was, why was he yours? Why do you get to love him and why does he get to love you? "I'm not pretty enough! You are this amazing man, so attractive and I don't fit in!" you cry and he shakes his head. "What is the real reason you feel this way?" Once more, he was soft, why did he do this? Why must he not yell but talk, whisper and listen? "I'm scared one day you'll stop loving me...Simon, you are my one good thing and I'm scared...okay?" Your voice cracking and he chuckles. So cruel and why? "My love, oh aren't you funny-"

"I'm being serious-"

"No, you are being hilarious. You see, to me, you are it. You are the peak of my existence and there will be no other. That's it."

"Simon?"

"Yes, lovie?"

"Please don't leave. I hate the thought of you becoming a stranger. T-the idea that one day if you leave, I'll only know you as a stranger whose laugh I can recognise"

He shakes his head, wrapping you in a bear hug. "The only time I'll be a stranger is to all those girls who think my girl can't fight. And you, my love, oh you have nothing to worry about, I'm yours...forevermore," he whispers the last part.

He walks over to you, setting the table and smiling. He walks behind you, wrapping his warm arms around you. He inhales your scent, "I love you," he whispers. "Forevermore," you respond and he smiles. A long breakfast of shared gratefulness when now, he finds himself cleaning bottles with you on New Year's Day.

To others, they know well that in some Spring, Simon Joseph Riley will become a husband and you, you will become a wife. The same beautiful bride who walks to him as he wipes tears away will be the same girl who squeezes his hand three times in the back of a taxi. He knows well that he will, in some future, be the same man who now kisses the back of your neck, and holds your hand as you give birth to his first child. New Year's Day, what a funny thing to tell your kids when they ask when the exact day was when their father proposed.

A/N: I love him, I love him, I love him, I LOVE HIM

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rusmii · 6 months

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Dazai with idol!reader.. yk how most idols aren’t allow to be in relationships? I hope you can elaborate further because I suck at putting my thoughts into words TT but I genuinely think that Dazai is the type to disregard rules and does whatever tf he wants

would be greatly appreciated if it’s yan too

> he's just a lil silly

yandere!dazai x idol!reader(fem.) hcs

╰ back to navi

tw//: yan!dazai, stalking, gaslight gatekeep girlboss dazai, possessiveness, mentioned murder intentions, actual murder spree going on in the background as dazai comforts reader with a fake smile, lmk if I missed anything!!

♡: this is sooooo late I'm sorryy😭🙏 also i was writing this in the salon lmaooo

before you became a big known idol, you and dazai had been dating for a couple of months

your management didn't really care much about your relationship back then, thinking you weren't going to be some big shot in the near future

how wrong they were

although your company wasn't too keen on restricting their idols with stupid rules, you couldn't help but feel as if they were starting to isolate you from dazai as your popularity grew

dazai on the other hand knew exactly what your company was trying to pull off and he wasn't having any of it

normally he would accompany you up to where the practice room was at in the company, occasionally staying as long as you did so he could drop you off himself

but after noticing the little stunts your company has been attempting to pull off, it just made him even more annoyed

no, he wasn't mad, just annoyed at the fact that he wasn't allowed passed the elevators anymore

annoyed at the fact that he was required a visitors pass from now on

annoyed at the fact that we had been restricted from entering the company's building, only allowed in the lobby on certain days

annoyed at the fact that your company had sent you both an email stating their new idol policy: "no dating"

upset at the fact that you didn't quit for him because you wanted to pursue your idol career

mad at the fact that the company seems to have been winning this tug of war

the management may have thought they were winning, but this was dazai osamu

the underground didn't dare utter his name with confidence after all

"I'll take care of you!" he would say to you one day

"quit your job. mine makes plenty." he whispers into your ears at night

"why would you want men staring at you? that's disgusting." he shames you

and when you confront him on everything, he just shrugs his shoulders and tells you that it's your fault if men look at you

took pictures of you, groped you, dragged you into the alleyway to rape you-

he was promptly kicked out of your place after that

he left you alone for about a day before he broke into your place and tackled you inside your bed at like 3am

"I missed you, I'm sorry!!" he cries into your shoulder

but despite all of that, your company still didn't understand why you just wouldn't break up with that douche

isn't he creepy?? a person from the front asks you

well yeah he was creepy but he still showed that he loved and cared for you, plus your company didn't really enforce the new policy onto you so you saw no reason to break it off

it was like for the next year or two. as your popularity grew, so did the heavy set of rules your company applied to you, and the possessiveness of dazai

everyday he would try and convince you to stay home and relax, especially when he knew you'd be busy that day

it did work sometimes, and boy did that piss off your company

so one day as you were lounging around with dazai, your head on his chest, you received an email from your company stating if you didn't break it off with your boyfriend you would be fired effective immediately

when dazai saw you jump up and say that you two needed to talk, he was not happy

after reading the email he zoned you out, not wanting to listen to your 'mini break' proposal

when you were finished and glanced at his face, you couldn't tell what he was thinking about; his face blank, lifeless as if he flatlined

after a moment of silence, he slowly turns his head with a smile and a nod, saying "I understand! my phone is always at full volume if you want to talk!!"

he was a bit too hearty for someone who just got semi-dumped, but you didn't mind, assuming that the situation was fine

so for the next few months, you were at the peak of your popularity. people knew you worldwide and you were constantly on the move

the management of your company had sat down together the night after you had broken it off with dazai and yelled cheers!!! as their glasses clinked against one another's

they had won and now it was time to celebrate

as they were busy drinking away at the high-rise restaurant, dazai was right down below them, in front of the building where he wore nothing but all black

he pulled his cap down as people passed by, letting out mintsy bits of laughter; his plan was already set in motion and it was too late for them to go back

one by one, the old greedy men fell, all of it ruled to be natural occurrences

at first it was just another accidental occurrence of natural death, but you did start to feel anxiety and scared of the sudden death streak of the management

it was the third one who died did you finally reach out to dazai, who happily comforted you, telling you to quit because it was too dangerous for you to be there

by the fifth, dazai had been on call with you every night, singing lullabies to you over the phone, always keeping his promise to watch over you every night

it had gotten to the point where you keep him on call with you at all times, sneaking calls with him every chance you got inside your company's building, or wherever you were currently at

each passing day didn't decrease your anxiety, the sudden death of your management now spreading to people around you

specifically male fans of yours

when you confinde in dazai, telling him about how you suspect that you may have a crazy pyscho stalker killing people who's interacted with you

and when dazai asks why you believe that to be the cause, all you did was break down

the idol life was becoming increasingly stressing, and each passing day caused you to have an inner breakdown whenever you went

throughout your entire rant, dazai has this smile that could always put you to ease, his gentle smile curling upward more as if he's making sure you know that he's going to stay

and stay he will, because he will be the only one left in your life

°° ©churuai ; don't repost my works to other sites, copy/plagiarize my works, or translate my works into a different language without my permission. if you intend to use most of my ideas from a post of mine, please don't forget to credit ♡

rbs and comments appreciated <3<3

#bsd #bungou stray dogs #yandere dazai #bsd x reader #dazai x reader #dazai #[⋆⋆⋆] — runi's works ♡#[☆] — anon

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sunlight-fics · 2 months

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Everywhere, Everything

•Andrew Hozier X reader

-Warnings: Talking about the future. Established relationships.

It was a perfect summer evening. You and Andrew were laying outside in grass under the trees in the backyard. You keep your head on your boyfriends chest while your hand was intertwined with his. Music played in the background as y’all both laid there peacefully. Finally Andrew broke the silence, “Do you ever think about our future together?” When he asked that you open your eyes and for the first time in a while actually thought about it. “Yea… it’s been awhile though. Why do you wanna know?” You responded while playing with the grass that you laid in. “I was just thinking. I want my life and future with you. I want you to be everywhere with me and also my everything. Like I most literally want you to be with me 'til we're food for the worms to eat. Til our fingers decompose.” He said while knowing damn well he just took half of that sentence out of the song that was playing, ‘Everywhere, Everything.’ By Noah Kahan. You also caught on to what he was doing, but your heart couldn’t help but completely melt when he said that. “We didn't know that the sun was collapsing, 'Til the seas rose and the buildings came crashing. We cried, "Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh"… The song played in the background. “I want to be with you too. Till the end of time or the end of the earth.” You said back. You have never really felt this kind of love before, you couldn’t help but hold back tears. “But do you think it would last?” Andrew asked back hesitantly. “Hozi, I think it would absolutely last. I love you more that I love myself.” You responded. “I love you too.”

“Everywhere, everything I wanna love you 'til we're food for the worms to eat. ‘Til our fingers decompose. Keep my hand in yours.”

You then sat up and looked at him. His freckles were slowly coming back and his hair was a beautiful auburn color in the sun. “Do you think we are in love in every universe?” He then looked at you, putting his hands behind his head he smiled softly and said “I think so… of course we are.”

Note: it’s super short and I apologize for that! I lost my train of thought halfway through. anyways THANKS FOR READING!!!!

#andrew hozier byrne #hozier #fanfic #hozier fanfiction #spotify #i love him #celebs #he’s so pookie #in every universe #why is he so hot #everywhere everything #noah kahan music #i love his voice #short fanfic #boohoo #Spotify #hozier x reader

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antonia-franco · 2 years

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Don't Fall In Love With The Boy From Across The Street

I was at summer camp, I didn't know he'd moved in.

When I came back we met in keyboarding class, I sat two seats away from him.

He was new, I didn't know, but my heart was fluttering for the show.

We met in eighth grade, I was only twelve,

Now it's one more thing on which I dwell.

I got to know him throughout the year, learned he lived across the street.

I walked outside to see his face an to have him see me.

I threw grapes at his window in the morning when I was walking my dogs.

He'd open it up an then we'd talk.

He started dating this girl I wasn't close with.

An we settled down into a settled closeness.

Anxious weekends, he calmed me down, laying in his bed with background sounds.

I showed him the worst of me but he stuck by my side.

Don't fall for him, was all that was on my mind.

Summers spent in each other's pools.

Halloween and playing fools.

Thanksgiving, tossing out razored tools.

Only you who knew the weight it pulled.

Only you who I wanted to know.

"Don't fall for him," I told myself. "Have a crush on someone else.

Eighth grade dance, took pictures with another, wishing we took pictures together.

I thought about him during that dance.

Wished I was cool enough to be the one that held his hand.

Wishing I hadn't fell...

Freshman year I rolled around the halls on wheels.

We talked an laughed, it was no big deal.

In an out of love I thought,

I could never have him, for fear of loss.

Pushing him away, even when it stung, I tried to find other loves.

No one compared to you, it was always you.

I tried to fight it but I knew,

You could draw me in with a single breath.

Your smile was my brand new dress.

Your hugs could save my life like no other, an your voice eased my mind to peaceful slumber.

Hours spent each night laughing on the phone.

I'd fall asleep on call an wake up with him still on the phone.

He'd say good afternoon, my heart would flutter,

I knew I'd never find another.

End of sophomore year, injured at home, covid taking complete control.

An the night I knew I loved you, really truly loved you.

He took my hands, looked into my eyes, an pulled me around on my skates.

My heart pounded in my chest, an Lord knew just how bad I wanted to confess.

His mother brought me something to eat, I rolled around afraid to be near,

Scared I'd blurt out something he'd hear.

I fell over an scraped my knees, he picked me up an cared for me.

I wanted to tell him I was in love.

I cried that night in his arms, scared of the future.

Any future with him was something I wish I'd nurtured.

He told me my aspirations weren't too far, all that faith's what took me far.

"I love you! I love you!" I wanted to scream, but the words never managed to leave me.

I was always so afraid of losing him, but I lost him anyways.

We talked for hours on the phone, I was about to move out my childhood home.

I finally got the courage to say, "What if I told you I liked you that way?"

His response made my heart shreak with excitement,

But the anxiety told me it wasn't permanent.

I guess the anxiety was right, we lost touch after I moved.

Junior year just wasn't the move.

But I broke up with boyfriends just to stay in touch with you.

My heart was far too loyal to him in the end.

Again, we talked on the phone.

In an out, in an out, in an out of love with you.

In an out, in an out, in an out of touching you.

You wanted more, I couldn't give.

I could talk the talk, but the walk was too big.

You called my friends, I'd broke your heart.

You told me you'd wanted me from the start.

It was almost like I'd ripped your feelings apart.

Years with him were perfect dreams, nothing but him an me.

So I entertained it on the phone an I meant it,

I was just too scared to be that intimate.

After that we barely talked,

But senior year we got back in touch.

Pictures that we took together an a girlfriend I cared for like no other.

Your smile, your laugh, your hugs...

I wish I didn't miss you this much.

You got this new girlfriend, I no longer had mine.

I didn't know the two of you were together when we met at the time.

By the time I found out, it was too late.

I was her friend an you two would date.

I had to be respectful, an bite my tongue,

But at seventeen I was still too young.

I told her something out of jealousy, my words got twisted an he didn't believe me.

I tried to say I'm sorry,

But I broke his trust an nothing could fix that for us.

At that point there was nothing I could say,

I had to accept it and walk away.

I always thought I'd lose it to him,

But then I lost him an I lost it to a stranger.

My heart was in danger, there was no coming back.

I wanted to be high or drunk to forget the fact.

Don't fall in love I once told myself,

I wish I'd listened or tried harder for once.

I would do anything for you.

Pain an pain, pain an pain.

Eleven months and my own words stain.

Lies I told you cause I wanted forgiveness.

Lies I told myself to feel the guilt less.

Walking past you was nothing but pain.

I should've listened to myself and never fallen.

I broke your trust, an forgot myself.

Burying feelings under mountains of drugs.

Killing the feeling with sex when it gets too much.

I miss you I miss you I miss you so much,

But now that will never be enough.

Every memory plays on repeat in my head.

Now it's every awful thing you've said.

Things you probably thought I'd never hear,

But I have far more than two ears.

I love you I love you I love you

It's wrong.

I know I fucked up, I know you feel wronged,

I told you I tried to love you for years but I couldn't.

What a lie, I knew I shouldn't.

But how could I tell you I loved you after what I'd done?

It was all just too much.

But if I could go back an do it again?

I would take it all until the end.

Expectations I couldn't meet,

Him blocking then unblocking me.

Even if I couldn't change a single thing?

I would do it all over just for those four years I'd have him back with me.

Maybe I never had you to begin, but you've had me till the very end.

At least I've grown, I'm eighteen now.

Eleven months, I don't know how.

I'm not who I was, but neither are you.

We've both changed as seasons do.

It doesn't matter how you've changed, for I would still love you either way.

Seeing you move on was a punch in the gut.

I cried for weeks before getting doped up.

You couldn't understand how I was sad,

Out of spite or to fuck you over...

Little do you know is I could never.

You find little spiteful ways to hurt me.

You say the worst things about me.

You think you stole my best friend,

Little do you know, she told me all that you said.

An even though it hurts this much, I'm glad that I still fell in love,

With the boy from across the street.

I once needed him, to be me.

He saved my life a thousand times over.

He kept me alive, now the feeling is smothered.

Whether he meant to or not my heart can't recover.

But I know who I am because of him, an for that I am grateful till the end.

I speak nothing but good of you as much as I can now.

I would do anything for you, my love is painfully unconditional.

But I'm learning to love myself again.

Learning to love myself more than I ever loved you.

Learning to understand that maybe we weren't meant to be, maybe there is no future.

Maybe it is my fault.

But I'm learning to forgive myself, so even if I can't get that from you, at least I'll have me again.

A part of me that doesn't belong to you...

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alesuggestprompts · 2 years

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Challenge: your life is a goldmine of prompts

Do you know that every life, if you learn to narrate it well, can be full of prompts a storyteller would love to know about?

I challenge you to think about your life, to find the beauty in what you call ordinary, and write down prompts that objectively describe your life. You'll be surprised to find out how much art is in there.

Here are some of mines:

"I used to pray God for a guide, didn't understand They gave me someone to travel with through life"

"Let's just take a moment to appreciate that we're here, talking about this topic, chatting cheerfully, having the priviledge to say about it to people" the person said, and suddenly history was heavy on his shoulders, all the people he liked to call his ancestors, even if they would never share blood, were in front of him. How could he be so lucky? Did he earned it? What would they say to them? "We're proud of you" he realized

He didn't believe in destiny nor fate, but how could you say that life bringing them together periodically was a casualty ?

He hated it [public transport] because it was dangerous, but loved how danger brought them together.

The room was too hot and humid and the people in it were tired, trying to rely on caffeine or laughs to not fall asleep and challenging themselves to not think about the upcoming exams or the work that was waiting for them at home. " C'mon, you should be young and wild" the woman shouted, from her late 50s, a stable work and a wife "we have a pride parade to organize, and it won't plan itself" and all the people in the room lightened, ordinary life behind their shoulders as they discussed ideas and planned imaginary futures of joy and community. Yes, it took them so little to revolutionize their inner worlds.

" Thank you for speaking for us" he cried as he hugged her thigly. And she thanked back, as if he did something extraordinary just for existing. The people around them were doing the same: thank you for speaking, thank you to be here, thank you for that massage, that you for holding my shoulder like that. People shouting in the background was not frightening anymore. This, he tough, was community. But he didn't have so much time for thinking as another hug came from his other friend, as another said his name and praised them, while everybody was smiling back to others.

It didn't matter what he previously said or all the prejudice he had, by just spending those weeks with them he realized that 1 his identity was still something he had to come to terms with and 2 he was madly in love with those two.

"You're not him" said the boy who was almost trying to kiss him, so drunk to mistake him for his boyfriend. "Not I'm not" he replied softly, and now I don't want to be him anymore, added in his head. But he still felt sorry for the boy who had to drink until he puked to relieve the pressure he had on himself. "Please don't tell anyone I was trying to bite the table" the boy added, "oh don't worry, I won't bring it up when you'll run for election" and he was already deciding whether or not he would hypothetically vote for him in 10 years, or less. He knew this boy would go far, but now he felt sorry for that, as if the boy never had the chance to realize how much you could change the world by only truly caring about people without interest. So he grabbed his hand and brought him to his boyfriend to walk the boy home from the metro, all the three of them, and then waited for the boy's message to make sure he was safe home.

Can't wait to know yours

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dannobfg · 6 months

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I see the red flags from miles away, yet, I am committed to a plan that I must see through. Is that a ridiculous thought? I have a trip booked and paid for at a time when money doesn't grow on trees.

Do I trust the words I read in his texts or do I trust my judgement and anxiety?

A bisexual man, looking to explore. Yet, says he wants a boyfriend. He recently ended a 1 year and 6 month relationship with a girl and has been single for just over one month. He lives alone in a town he hates and works at a job which pays well but has a shit schedule and doesn't bring him happiness.

I confronted him today because I was almost sure he was watching porn in the background when we were sexting. Not such a big deal but I needed to know so I asked him. And he was. And he's given a valid explanation and tried to reassure me saying that I am "more than enough for him". But I find myself saddened still, as if he had cheated on me before we're even a real thing. I understand his reasons, but I am still hurt the same. Yet I don't seem to be allowed to feel hurt. And that's the thing with situationships, the boundaries are not clear. I almost wish he'd lied to me and said no. At least he was honest about it.

My first kinda boyfriend ever was also bisexual and I struggled so much to feel like I was enough for him. I will never be a woman and I have no desire to be. I understand that he feels attraction in both directions and currently at almost equal amounts. I don't know how I can ever make him fully happy. So maybe this really isn't the place for me.

I've been trying so long to make something work with someone. I'm told that that's part of my problem. I chase instead of attracting. Apparently what belongs to me will find me when the time is right. But I struggle to believe that. I believe everything in this life takes effort. We have to fight for what's ours or it will be taken away or walk away. I'm told I feel this way because I am weak, because my self-esteem is not higher, because I don't know how to be content being alone. And don't get me wrong, I'm trying to better myself. But there is one phrase that I once heard that I still believe: true love will find you in your mess and not at your best. If someone can stick around when it's all going to shit, then they truly want to love you. No one is perfect or at their best 100% of the time. Life is messy. If you want to love me you have to be willing to love the mess too.

So, am I willing to love him in his mess? The thing is I can see myself getting hurt just as much as I can see myself living a happy relationship. I am scared of getting hurt. But at the same time I am tired of seeking. And I don't believe it can be found. Things don't just happen. You make them happen. Even if sometimes they're easier than others.

Idk what I'm doing. I feel like I'm YOLO-ing life right now. But at the same time, I feel like I'm gonna hit the wall with such force that it may just finish me off. What a place to be, ey?...

He is sensitive and caring. He cries while listening to music sometimes. He sings a lovely song. We share many interests and can talk for hours on end without getting tired or feeling annoying or getting bored. We had a conversation once about the perfect day being single and the perfect day when in a relationship. Our ideas match very well. We talk about plans in the distant future. He seems to project us together long term. I feel hopeful yet terrified constantly. Because I've been here all too many times just for it to end just as unexpectedly as it started. I think I'm gonna roll with it a while longer and see where it ends up. At the very least it will be a story to tell someone someday. Wish me luck...

#real talk #personal #what am I doing #wtf #bisexual #dating #lgbt #lgbtqi+#gay #sigh #tired #thoughts #fml #lol #yolo

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iamrubyjanerabaca · 9 months

Text

2023.7. 5 HALF

Half of the year has gone by and today is just another appointment day at the base. It’s crazy how far have I gone through. I never thought I would be doing these things.

A lot has happened in 6 months. I got to travel with my then boyfriend now husband without having to think about money because he paid for everything. Okay background story before we left for that winter break, we got into a fight and it really scared me but I surrendered immediately. My husband found out that I was still talking to my ex and he didn’t like it. We have very different mindset about relationships, I used to think there’s nothing wrong with still being friends with your ex but then I realized how hurt my husband was and he literally told me “I am not an option!”. That was my awakening. I immediately said sorry because in that instant God told me to surrender it to him and I did. My husband and I prayed together and he stayed. Fast forward, here we are : married.

Married. Wow. It’s a word I have been longing for a long long time and God has truly fulfilled his promise. I knew then that it was undeserved grace for me when my husband chose to stay and fought for us giving us another chance. I knew it wasn’t just my husband, I knew it was God and I thank God for allowing my husband to stay and for allowing us to enjoy what we have now.

Tomorrow, we will be 2 months married. When God moves, he moves in mysterious ways. I never thought I would be married to someone whom I’ve only known less than a year.

3 months of knowing each other through email, decided to date each other, spent 3 weekends together before he goes back to a 4 month deployment and back to emailing each other again everyday (this time). Came back from deployment, spent weekends together before our actual trip to Kansai area. Spent Christmas together, enjoyed the snow in Hiroshima, met his friends, met my friends, enjoying each other’s time. Then talked about what I mentioned above and went on a trip. Known each other better. Talked about the future, started talking about getting married. Timelines and plans. He tested positive for H. Pylori, got more serious about getting married and timelines where and how are we going to make the paper work. Started to do the paperwork through his command and it didn’t work, got led to a person who was also processing the same thing as we do. He was taught how to do the online ceremony and it’s legal. Prayed about it as it was going fast and decided to get married. Engaged and I broke the ring and he was just laughing coz the ring was cheap so it didn’t really bother him. I cried but he laughed. I had to get it fixed and I couldn’t find a place to get it fixed. The day before our wedding, we went out late to find our rings, engagement ring included. He chose the ring I wanted, I didn’t need a fancy one. I don’t need big stones. I just want to get married and we did. He got orders to go back to the states. We were left with just a month to spend time together and before his flight. Sent him off to fly through a military plane back to the states. Spent the night together before his flight traveled for an hour to get to the airport and saw my kids in school while in train. He looked happy to see my kids and wasn’t even bothered when I spent 20mins talking to my kids. He’s the sweetest. He left and now it’s been almost a month since he left and I am just truly grateful for what the Lord has done to my life. Insurmountable blessings over blessings in the first half of 2023. I don’t know what is in-store for us in this second half of the year.

But all glory to God. We will continue to pray and hope and have faith that God will bring us back to each other’s arms. For now, we just want to spend more time talking and resting our case in our God’s hands.

Truly, our God is amazing.

#navy wife #godgirl #thoughts #thriving #faith #thrivingwomanofgod #blessed #grateful #jesuslovesyou

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arizonarangers · 2 years

Text

i’m graduating and it’s such a surreal feeling. i’m never going to be in high school again. i’ll never walk those halls or be stuck in the mob of people and i’ll never sit at lunch with my friends again. i won’t get to listen to them bicker and i won’t get to listen to them rant. my junior friends got me a card. i almost cried. i felt so loved!! my boyfriend didn’t sign it bc he had an ap exam today so i’m bringing it for him to sign tomorrow.

my best friend is going to a different college. we won’t be a unit anymore. it’s the first time in ten years it hasn’t been us against the world!! and i’m terrified. it’s weird realizing all at once how much you care about all of the people in your life. how much you love being a background character in the lives of the people around you. it sucks.

i’m excited for the future but i wish i could just stop time for a bit and live here a bit longer.

#nick.txt #high school shenanigans #long post #kinda like a journal

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cursedsunoo · 3 years

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Hello! Can I request an enhypen reaction to their trainee s/o joining an survival show (like girls planet or produce) and eventually making it into the lineup? Thank you :D

🍥 ENHYPEN’S REACTION TO THEIR S/O DEBUTING THROUGH A SURVIVAL SHOW

♡ warnings — n/a

♡ pronouns — they/them

#HEESEUNG

♡ heeseung is there for you the entire time — doesn't matter if he's not actually there with you, he'll call you from the dorm and just assure you that you did amazing (he knows that sometimes the pressure can build up and become hard to deal with, and having someone there to share it with can help a lot)

#JAY

♡ he becomes such a mom when you join the survival show — anytime the judges give you any sort of slack for something, everyone in the dorm can hear him screaming at the tv (100% wears a stupid grin when you make it into the final lineup — "that's my baby right there")

#JAKE

♡ he shares your nerves (jake feeds off of other peoples moods okay) so he always feels nervous when watching the show — his utmost faith is in you, but he knows how rough and unfair the competitions and challenges may be (jake is absolutely ecstatic when you make it into the final lineup!)

#SUNGHOON

♡ sunghoon tries to stay calm and collected through the entire thing, feeling as if his own nerves would set you off (despite you literally being hours away from him) — whenever he can, he makes sure to call you and let you know that him and the boys at the dorm are cheering you on (boy also had a gut feeling you were gonna make it)

#SUNOO

♡ he obsesses over the survival show like deadass makes sure his schedule is clear on the days it's on just so he can cheer you on. sunoo hates the fact that everything is recorded since all he wants to do is hold you and tell you how proud he is of you when he sees you upset— he probably cried when you name was called for the final lineup

#JUNGWON

♡ jungwon tries to watch with a completely unbiased opinion yet no matter how hard he tries, his heart guides him to you — he finds himself steering your group's performance on more than the other, finds himself looking for you in the background of shots, and definitely finds himself cheering the loudest when you step up onto the finalists' podium

#NI-KI

♡ he believes in tough love so no matter how much he loves you, he puts your future ahead of your feelings — ni-ki will let you know when he thinks you should work on something in hopes that it can fuel you to push yourself harder. ni-ki however takes no credit (maybe only a little bit) for you making it into the final lineup (proud boyfriend time)

TAGLIST — open

@fiantomartell // @atinyyylove // @wonderwrench // @ddeonubaby // @minspalette // @msxflower // @gimmethatcoffee // @hoonbrry // @squiishymeow // @bubblejunnies // @jakehugger // @blaqpinksthetic // @minhyukmyluv // @enhacolor // @icywhatim // @missmorosis // @norboko // @abdiitcryy // @ddeonuluvs // @genderlessflower // @ilandsghost // @jwisungzen // @rinyx

#ɞ — enhypen #ɞ — heeseung #ɞ — jay #ɞ — jake #ɞ — sunghoon #ɞ — sunoo #ɞ — jungwon #ɞ — niki #enhypen x reader #enhypen imagine #enhypen reactions #enha x reader #enha imagine #enha reactions

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wrenqueenisboss · 3 years

Text

DSMP Angsty Imagines - React to Your Death pt. 3 --- c!Wilbur Soot

Part 3 to my series of “dsmp boys react to your death”: Pronouns used: they/them (if mentioned) Warnings: explosions, spoilers for the events of Dream SMP, death, grief Words: 1.3+

The list: c!George c!Bench Trio c!Wilbur - (you are currently on this post) c!Dream c!Technoblade - (coming soon!)

You had tried convincing your boyfriend not to blow up L’Manburg. But Wilbur Soot wouldn’t listen to you. He wouldn’t listen to anyone. Not in this state.

It had been a long time coming, honestly. Everyone should have noticed the signs. You should have noticed the signs, but it wasn’t as if you were actively looking for a reason to paint your lover as an insane psychopath.

For months, Wilbur had slowly been descending into insanity. Looking back, the tells were all there. Very irregular sleeping patterns; sleeping not at all and then way too much, days when it seemed as if his emotions had been completely turned off, days when his temper seemed too volatile, the times when you’d catch him obsessing over books explaining the mechanics of tnt. It had all been laid in front of you, but you were too blind.

That’s the thing about love, children. You either find yourself forced into relationships that make you unhappy or find yourself so in love with someone that it practically erases reality and judgment. There are a few lucky people. A few who find the loves of their lives and spend the remainder of their days in perfect happiness. No intoxicating amounts of infatuation, no feelings of emotional claustrophobia. You were not one of those lucky people. Not at all.

It was already too late to turn back by now. The two of you were already heading to the Button Room. Tommy, Tubbo, and Quackity were supposed to be with you, but they didn’t agree with Wilbur’s plan, so they stayed behind.

The three had been desperately trying to convince Wilbur to step down, to destroy the button and give up on his wild fantasies of watching his unfinished symphony burn to the ground. But that hadn’t worked, So they turned to you.

And as much as you agreed with their reluctance - and disagreed with your boyfriend, you had to support him. For that’s what he did with you. When you had been a newcomer to the server and no one would help you, he did. At the very least you owed him that. But you were beginning to doubt how far your support would actually go when you found yourself standing in the button room.

You and Wilbur looked up at all of the signs on the walls, each singing L’Manburg’s National Anthem in your head.

I heard there was a special place where men could go and emancipate the brutality and tyranny of their rulers Well, this place is real you needn’t fret with Wilbur-

“You’ve been so good to me, Y/n.” Wilbur’s unusually quiet voice interrupted the anthem playing in your mind.

“I’m your partner, Will. I’m also your friend. It’s my job.” For some reason, you could bring yourself to say it was because you loved him. Your heart knew it was because you didn’t love him anymore. Actually, that wasn’t entirely true. It was a different type of love now. Much less blinding, and much more clear.

Wilbur reached up a faintly-scarred hand to touch one of the signs on the walls. “You’ve stuck by me and supported me even when no one else did.”

You could feel your face begin to heat up. “Will, about that.... Are you sure you want to do this? Are you sure this is the right thing to do?”

Your boyfriend whirled around at that. And for some reason, your mind began to sing the National Anthem once more.

My L’Manburg My L’Manburg

“Don’t flake out on me now, Y/n. We’re so incredibly close. We’ve come this far together. You can’t possibly be thinking of abandoning me?” His eyes narrowed dangerously, sending ominous shivers down your spine.

My L’Manburg My L’Manburg

“No! Of course not! I just think it would... make sense if you... thought about this some more,” you stammered, desperately fumbling for the right words.

Wilbur stepped toward you suddenly and you flinched backwards. He didn’t seem to notice - or care. “Y/n, if you don’t support me in this plan, I have no choice but to kill you. You know too much. And yes, I do remember that you’re on your last life. That changes nothing.”

Your thoughts froze, so did you. Never, did you expect him to go this far. Sure, you’d been aware of the fact that he was slowly becoming insane for weeks, but threatening your life? That was something you could never prepare yourself for.

You were trapped. Either way, you were pretty sure you’d die. If you agreed, the explosions would kill you. If you didn’t, Wilbur would.

For freedom and for liberty our nation sought to build on these a victory for all under our freedom

“I’m going through with the plan, Will. We’re going through with it.”

Well the darkness came and then it went we built a home and watched it sink and from the rubble emerged my great-

Once again, the anthem in your head was interrupted. This time by Philza. Philza Minecraft. Your boyfriend’s father.

Your heart raced as it realized how close to pressing the button Will had been only heartbeats before. Philza and Wilbur were having a whole debate in the background. It was only when your name was called that you snapped out of your trance.

“Y/n?” Will asked softly, placing a hand on your shoulder.

Your head snapped up. “Yes?”

You almost shut down at the sad acceptance in Wilbur’s eyes. Had it worked? Had Phil really talked him out of pressing the button and triggering the tnt?

“Phil here has convinced me that maybe the button isn’t worth pressing.”

Hope sprung in your chest. It spread its wings.

My L’Manburg My L’Manburg My L’Manburg My L’Manburg

Your boyfriend leaned down to hug you, head resting on your shoulder as his back faced Phil. You were just about to hug him back when his whispered voice reached your ears, making you shiver.

“It’s all up to you now, Y/n.”

He straightened and left the Button Room, but not before giving you a pointed glance.

With bloodied hands and weakened knees.

Your body felt frozen, pinned by impossible choices. By the future and the past.

“Y/n?” Philza’s concerned voice carried across the cave. “Are you okay?”

You scrambled for a convincing enough excuse. “Y-yeah. I just need a moment. Today has been... rough.” None of that was a lie.

With a slight furrow of his brows, Phil nodded. He began walking away.

Our people rose like the phoenix

You stopped him, though. “Philza.”

He turned around.

Our empty fields and canals ‘round L’Mantree

“There was a saying, Phil, by a traitor, once a part of L’Manburg.”

Phil didn’t know how to react. He just nodded, clearly uncomfortable with the atmosphere, the tension.

With sweat and tears we armed our ranks we laid foundations in our land

“Have you ever heard of Eret?”

Once again, Philza only nodded.

You could feel your body heat up with anticipation. The moment was nearing.

And from every lips for here up to infinity

“Yeah, he had a saying, Phil.” You felt your fingertips ghost the surface of the button.

We sing L’Manburg We sing L’Manburg We sing L’Manburg We sing L’Manburg

“It was never meant to be.”

~-~-~-~-~-~-

Wilbur Soot was too busy smiling at the series of explosions going off behind him to realize the fact that you were dead.

And even when those around him cried as they mourned your death, not a single tear streaked down his cheek. No pang of sadness or remorse was felt by this man who had strayed too far down the path of insanity.

Perhaps once, he would have torn up the world looking for a way to revive you. But that Wilbur was long gone. That Wilbur was the one you’d fallen for, the one you’d follow to the ends of the server.

But you’d failed to realize that the Wilbur of today was not the Wilbur you loved. And that mistake turned out to be fatal.

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angellissy · 3 years

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Hey :) I’ve never requested anything before so I’m sorry if i do it wrong hahah

But could I request something where instead of ward faking his death it’s rafe who has to do it and none of the pouges know about your relationship until it’s you crying in the dock instead of Sarah. And when you and the piggies go on the “rescue” mission to get Sarah off of the boat you see rafe and eventually end up staying with him and leaving your friends

I’m sorry if this is really long xx thank you for taking the time to read my request

R E A C H I N G F O R T H E S U R F A C E

SEASON TWO SPOILERS!

rafe Cameron x Reader

warnings: angst with a big a, canon rafe (maybe a bit softer), toxic relationship, rafe playing the victim card, death and talks of suicide.

a/n: I feel like it is of importance that I tell you all that I have done everything in my power not to romanticize the rafe cameron character and if I have then please kindly let me know because sometimes it can be hard. However I still need to say that I am writing through the eyes of the “reader” who very much still cares for this boy, which also means that the way the reader deals with things might not have been your way. If any more warnings should be included in the beginning, feel free to let me know. I hope you enjoy this fic which I am actually very proud of. A big thanks to @snkkat who is my proof reading buddy. Also thanks for sending in the request, I LOVED writing it! <3

They say that when you die your life flashes before your eyes, but how about when you watch someone else die? For as you watched him die, the life and moments the two of you had shared flashed before your eyes like a string of reminders of a life and love lost. It felt as if there was no air for you to breathe, you weren’t even sure how long it had been since you managed to take a full breath. Your mind was running in circles, trying to grasp what had just occurred, replaying the scene over and over again until you were not even sure what reality you were in. With a hammering heart and a split soul, you were kneeling on the dock, just minutes after watching your first love take his own life. You could not even remember how you had gotten out here in the first place, you just wished that you would have stayed behind as all your friends rushed toward a disaster in waiting. Perhaps that would have spared you some of the heartbreak, spared you from hearing him scream that he loved you one last time, spared you from seeing his boat go up in flames. But no, you were sure that for as long as you lived, you would see that blazing inferno whenever you closed your eyes.

There were arms around you, an attempt to soothe your shaking body, it only made you feel more trapped in a memory you would never escape. Those arms lifted you up and suddenly you were walking, mixed in all the anger and sadness there was a surprise that your body was even able to function. It felt as if you were outside of your body watching everything occur, you watched as Kiara and JJ helped you sit down on a sofa and as they draped a blanket over your shoulders. You watched it unfold, but you couldn’t feel it and there was no way that you would be able to respond to their worried questions. Instead, you were stuck in a mind that replayed everything Rafe had ever said or done to you as if that somehow could manifest him back to life. That stuck-up boy with the golden hair had been your first boyfriend, complicated as the relationship may have been, it had been the first time you ever experienced something close to love. Just days ago you had stood before him, tears in your eyes and heart in your throat as you called the relationship off. For a very long time, he had not been the boy you fell for, but rather a ghost of who he once was. Where he had once been sweet and tender with you, there had only been cold stares and words sharp enough to cut through ice. You were not oblivious to the fact that he struggled with issues you could never comprehend, but you refused to be an accomplice in his undoing. Time after time you had tried to be the person he could cling to when the world sat heavily upon his shoulders, but you soon realized that love and affection could not solve all problems. Oh, and you had loved him so much that you would have done anything for him to smile at you the way he had when he uttered those big three words for the first time. He had watched you with eyes that held so much adoration that you thought that they would never dim, that they would shine brighter for each time his eyes found yours. But eventually, they had dulled, and so you had realized that you would not sacrifice yourself no matter how much you cared for him. It did not matter that you had called things off with him or that you had decided to leave him in order to save yourself, for the knowledge that he was actually gone made it feel like someone was clawing at your heart and trying to rip it apart. It felt like no time in the world would be able to heal the pain in your chest or dry the tears falling from your eyes.

Time was indeed a funny thing, how seconds turned into minutes and how then those minutes became hours. Hours that you spent reminiscing over a life you thought you had given up before it was lost forever. You clung to the memories of him as if they were the lifebuoy keeping an anchor from pulling you down in a sea made up of your own sorrow. You knew that you were staying in your own made-up memories of a relationship with more bad times than good, but a part of you felt that you could not grieve the person he had become. For he had been vile and horrid, and if you acknowledged that, you would feel guilty for the sadness overwhelming you. So yes, you stayed in your made-up reality and wept for the boy that could have been. As hours turned into days, your friends made every effort to comfort you and try to get you out of the room that had become your place of mourning. Their tries aggravated you, for they did not understand the feelings rushing through your body at such speed it made you lightheaded. Each one of them had hated Rafe Cameron with at least one bone in their body and you knew how some of them had looked the day he died as if they were content that he was finally gone. Relieved that he could no longer plague them with taunts and threats that might have become reality was it not for his passing. You might have understood this, had it not been for the grief and guilt plaguing every bone in your body.

As days turned into weeks, you eventually came to appreciate their efforts to help you. It was like your vision was starting to clear and you could finally start trying to live your life again, and the first step to doing that was always to surround yourself with people that made you roar with laughter. Their ventures to try and find the Cross of Santo Domingo, were helpful, to say the least. Those adventures were as distracting as they were terrifying since the outcome was never given. Your mixed friend group of pogues and kooks had actually found that damn cross as well. Who would have thought that a bunch of high school kids would be able to find a historic relic? The answer would have been no one, and that is why you don’t underestimate kids with no limits. The cross had been in your grasp until a greedy and manipulative Ward Cameron came along and grabbed it. Ever since that particular happening, things started going south fast and it all ended up with Sarah being kidnapped by her own guardians. It also ended up with the rest of you stowed away like cargo on the ship she was on. While John B and Pope carried out their plan to find Sarah and the famous cross, you, JJ, and Kie sweated from every pore as you waited to hear from them. You had zoned out, staring mindlessly into one of the walls of the container, in the background you could hear your two friends talk about their dreams for the future. Something about going on several surfing trips at various destinations with each other, and that part made your heart ache. Sure, after everything he had done, a future with Rafe had not been one of your dreams. Still, as you listened to your friends talk, you could only remember a time where he had been everything you wanted in life. You pressed your palms upon your face as if you somehow could force every memory of him to remain in that little part of your brain where you were hoping they would become forgotten. A loud clank dragged you out of your thoughts and you looked up just in time to see Pope and John B climb in through that small window opening, followed by a woman you had never ever seen. Shortly after that, problems started to arise and soon all of you were scrambling out of the container in hopes of not being detected by the workers on the boat. They were in obvious search of all of you, which made you sweat even more than you had done inside the container. All of you received different plans on how to tackle the situation, yours was to act as a lookout for John B as he searched for Sarah.

You followed him down to what you could only assume was the boiler room since steam was thick in the air and you took your place by the door as he ventured further down. His desperate cries for Sarah echoed through the room and you dearly wished for a response to be heard, but there was nothing except the sound of his shoes against the floor. Thump, thump, thump and then utter silence until John B utters a name that made it feel as if the floor was pulled away from under your feet.

“Rafe.”

One of your hands finds the doorframe, a poor attempt to steady yourself as you try to figure out if this is a trick played by your grieving mind. You take a few breaths and as the silence is once again interrupted by two raised voices, you follow John B’s path down into the room. The heart in your chest is beating so hard that it feels like you are going to throw up, and it only gets worse the nearer you come. At first, you only see your friend, but then you look past him

and

your

heart

stops.

Rafe Cameron had died in front of your very eyes, so either the gods were playing a nasty cruel joke or you had lost the battle with your mind. You shut your eyes just to open them again, and no matter how many times you did it, he still remained. What happened next was a bit peculiar to you, for weeks you had drowned in grief where sadness was the constant emotion, but as you looked him in the eye and saw that he was very much alive, rage and anger crushed into you with the force of a thousand waves. You stepped toward him, only for an arm to shoot out to stop you, and John B added to his gesture by saying “Don’t”. Laughter bubbled in your throat, for who was he to tell you what you could or could not say to your “dead” ex-boyfriend who seemed to never stop causing you grief.

“Find Sarah.” John B hesitated for a few moments before following your unspoken order to leave you and Rafe alone. It wasn’t surprising considering that his worry for Sarah would always overpower anything else. Once again you looked into Rafe’s blue eyes, remembering a time when you used to stare in them for so long you would see specks of green and grey. Had you searched for those colors now, you would probably have found them. However, you were trying to decipher whatever feeling that was shining in them, was it anger? No, his other features were too soft for that and the hand holding his weapon had gone slack as he watched you. Maybe it was relief? No that was not it either, for why would he be relieved to see you? You were not the one who had died and left the other behind. You stepped even closer to him, the simmering anger inside of your veins made your hands shake and he looked at them briefly as if he wanted to take them in his. Your hands clenched into fists and you watched as his shoulders dropped the tiniest bit, and suddenly you knew exactly what was shining in his eyes.

Love, and sadness. Your heart started to speed up again, and you knew that once you opened your mouth, the anger and grief that had become part of you, would tumble out in words that you would never be able to take back. But he had done something much worse, so he would listen, you would make sure of it. Your lips parted slightly and he must have seen it for his words came first.

“I- fuck I am sorry okay? But I had to do it, you wouldn’t understand but I had to do it, it was the best for everyone.” As he says this you can’t help the sound that slips through your lips, it was supposed to be a laugh but it sounds more like a sob. His eyes flicker between you and everything else in the room as if there was anything in here that could save him for this conversation. You move your hands toward your chest and his eyes watch as you press them hard against your chest, against the heart that won’t stop breaking.

“Best for everyone?” Your voice is the combination of a whisper and a ragged breath “Did you have my best interest in mind when you let me believe you had blown yourself up?” He winces and makes an attempt to say something but you hold up a hand to stop him. “Did it ever occur to you how your little stunt would affect the one person who still, despite everything, loved you?” This time, your voice has started to rise towards something like a scream, and how could you not scream when there is so much sadness inside of you that it felt like just looking at him would turn your body into a pool of water.

“You broke up with me, so don’t start acting like a victim where you aren’t one.” His features are starting to morph into those he carries when anger overcomes him, but you will not back away from this. Your hands are in your hair, pulling at it as if that would help you make sense of this situation. “You broke my heart long before I broke yours.” You can’t help the way your voice breaks or the tears that start falling from your eyes.“You needed and still need help and until you receive that help, you are prone to hurt anyone in your vicinity.” Now it is his turn to drag his hands through his hair and his breaths come faster and faster until you realize that he is starting to hyperventilate. He sinks to the floor and you follow, not sure how to help when it feels like his state is mirroring your own. With cautious movements, you place your hands on his shoulders, and the shaking of his body sends trembles throughout yours. For a while nothing happens, you just sit there with your hands on his body and watch him fall apart. Perhaps you should have been glad that he was suffering, after everything he had done to you he deserved it. But you couldn’t feel anything other than anguish and as a sob escaped his body every restraint you had kept on yourself broke and you hugged him towards your chest. You could never save him, but he clung to you as if you had the power to undo every wrong he had ever done. After a while, he looks up at your tear-streaked face and one of his hands reaches up to cup it. You want to look away because you can see everything in those eyes of his, every regret and every wish he has ever had. His forehead leans towards you and you feel his hot breath against your skin. As you breathe in the scent of cologne and feel his skin against yours, you feel overwhelmed by the fact that he is actually here. You notice that his lips part and for a second you are scared that he is going to kiss you, but he must know that there is a limit to your patience with him so he just whispers words with the promise of what could have been. “I wanted to be good for you.” A small smile takes place on your lips and you close your eyes as you try to restrain the well of emotions inside of you. “I know Rafe, I know.” He breathes out a little, almost as if he is relieved that you are aware that he tried in a world and with a mind constantly working against him. You knew, but you also knew that there was someone else out there for you. Someone who would love you in a way that Rafe would never be able to, in a way that would not send the two of you to the bottom of the ocean. Whoever was out there would make you swim. For so long you had wanted to believe that Rafe was the one, despite all his flaws you would have given anything for him to be your future. It was a relief to know that you could and deserved to have more. But you also knew that you needed to do something before that could happen.

“I will stay-.” Before you could even finish your sentence he whipped his head up to look at you with such hope you never wanted to continue talking. You swallowed hard and forced yourself to go on. “I will stay with you just to make sure you receive the help you need.” His whole body deflated and you had to bite your lip in order not to cry again. Eventually, he nodded and you closed your eyes in relief. You knew that this had to be the right move, no one else would listen to him or make sure he got help, so you needed to be the one to did. Just enough so that you finally could start swimming towards the surface.

#rafe cameron imagines #rafe cameron headcanon #rafe cameron x reader #outerbanks rafe #rafe cameron #rafe obx #rafe x reader #rafe cameron x y/n #rafe cameron x oc #rafe cameron x you #drew starkey #outer banks x reader #outer banks #outer banks season 2 #outer banks imagine #obx #obx season 2 #obx spoilers #obx fanfiction

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joyaphoria · 3 years

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the five chances you give him (5)

pairing: suna x f!reader

note: this is the last chapter! i hope you all enjoyed :)

summary: suna knew that he was doing something wrong, but he refused to acknowledge it. therefore, you slowly dropped five major hints for him, hoping that he would notice them and take action to fix your broken relationship. suna really did notice them, he just didn’t figure out in time that you were actually going to leave.

series masterlist | directory

part five: rin became rintaro; then it became suna

"oh baby... nobody said that it was going to be easy." mei cooed, her voice softer than usual. she repeatedly kissed the top of your head as you cried into her lap.

"i k-know but.." you spoke through your sobs, snot along your sleeves. "i-i really hoped t-that he would ch-change.."

it's been just over two months since you've started changing your behaviour around rin, but he didn't seem to react to it—no, he may have changed, but only a bit. it wasn't enough.

you knew that this was unavoidable, and that it had to be done. the longer it takes for you to get this over with, the longer it will take for you to get over it.

so when mei sent you home that night, she reassured you that it will all be worth it in the end, and that you will find someone better.

but the fact that he was waiting for you at the same table that you used to wait at, every single night, didn't help at all.

"where were you?" he asked, his voice laced with concern.

you stood there for a second with your shoes still on, and folded over with laughter.

his heart flutters. whens the last time you laughed in front of him?

"sorry," you sniffled through the laughter, the aftermath from crying earlier doing you no justice. "it's just that i used to sit in that same chair, waiting for you to come home, you know?"

hesitating for a moment, he decided on getting up and walking over to you, although he didn't know what to do.

"y/n." he's looking down at you now, resisting the urge to reach out and take hold of your hands.

"rintarou."

now that caught both of you off guard.

it slipped out without a second thought on your end, and you were visibly shocked.

as was suna, except he was more afraid than anything else. he knew what this meant—he was no longer rin to you, but rintarou.

he should be grateful though, because he knew what eventually might come next. he knew that it wouldn't be rintarou for long, and that as soon as it changes, it would be over; everything would be over.

"were you crying?" he whispers, reaching out to wipe at your tear stained cheeks. except you wouldn't let him, grabbing his wrist in time. God—mei would be so proud; as would that kind lady from the cafe.

"why should you care?" you spat, letting go of his wrist to remove your shoes.

"because im your boyfriend." he said, although you didn't miss the quiver in his voice from that last word, as if he wasn't so sure anymore.

you move past him and head straight for the bathroom; but suna didn't miss it. he heard what you mumbled on your way out—and it had him slumped against the wall (when you were out of sight, that is)

his fists are clenched and his heart is beating a little too fast, but he can't get his mind off of what you said.

"yea, well not for long"

five words, and yet they seemed to foreshadow his future.

there were two possible reasons that you could be waking him up at 10 in the morning.

you were either waking him up to tell him that it was over, and that you were leaving, or that it was over, and that he had to leave.

turns out there was a third reason.

"do you have practice today?" you asked, your voice a whisper.

"yeah.. why?" he got up into a sitting position, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. its been a while since you last entered this room, moving all your things to the guest room.

"oh. nevermind." you make a gesture to leave but he panics and grabs your arm. this could be an opportunity, and he wasn't about to lose it.

"i could um.. take the day off." he nods his head.

"are you sure?" when he nods his head yet again, your features soften.

"okay, well get dressed. i feel like going to a theme park."

you leave the room before he has a chance to answer, but he complies anyways.

his mind wanders to the picture that he broke in the heat of the moment awhile back—the one where you were both smiling at an amusement park, kids laughing in the bakground.

"let's go on that one!" you exclaim, pointing at the rollercoaster.

a soft grin takes over your face—and while it may not be your typical energetic one, at least it was still there.

now, suna wasn't a big fan of rollercoasters. he prefered to have you go on them, while he took the photos, but today's been the first time in a while that he's actually seen you happy, and he wanted to keep it that way.

you've been here all day, and it was already pretty dark, so they might be closing soon anyways.

when the cart had finally come back around, you and rin got on, with a guy slipping in on your side.

"you guys here together?" he asked, looking over you to make eye contact with suna.

you nodded, and he chuckled.

"im here with my girlfriend, but she doesn't like roller coasters as much as i do."

now you and him are making small talk, and suna is resisting the urge to tell the guy to shut up, and to go back to his own girlfriend.

when the ride finally starts, he feels relieved, even slipping his hand into your own.

your hand tenses, and he looks up to find a look of guilt soaked into your features.

he quickly unravels his hand from yours, settling it into his lap and looking away. he got too carried away to remember that a day of rides and fun wasnt enough to fix his mistakes.

as the ride starts climbing upwards, fear pumps through his veins.

he shuts his eyes, dreading the fall.

when it finally came, he opened his eyes and hugged himself to keep from screaming.

he looks over to you, and his heart does that thing again—it flutters.

with your hands in the air, your screams adorning his ears, he fell in love. all over again.

the moonlight caressed your pretty features as your eyes shut in pure bliss, and suna found tears falling out of his own.

the tears fell but he didn't sob—not once. you didn't look his way either—not once.

instead he looked away, quickly wiping the tears before someone could catch him. he missed this; he missed you.

when you two got off the ride later, he wonders if you would ever go to another theme park with him.

when you decide to leave, suna finds an employee walking around the park with a polaroid camera.

he asks him to take a picture of you, and places it in his wallet. he can't break it this time.

suna misses the look of guilt that slips past your face, as if it were never there.

when the car pulls into the parking lot, and you both get out, suna realizes that you weren't walking beside him.

he panics and turns around, where he finds you smiling. tears in your eyes.

"thank you for today, suna."

he freezes. he can't move anymore. he can't think.

"don't be silly. let's go inside." he's walking again, but when he doesn't hear a second set of footsteps, the tears wash over him.

"why aren't you coming?" his voice cracks as the tears stream down his face.

"i'm going to mei's. it's-it's over." you smile, wiping continuously at your eyes.

"y/n please, we can talk about this." he's running over to you, taking hold of your shoulders as he bends down to make eye contact. "we're fixable, okay? i promise we are." he doesn't make move to wipe away the tears that are falling.

you wipe away his tears, pulling him into a hug. "i'm so sorry."

he wraps his arms around you and holds you tight, afraid of having you slip out of his grasp. "please, don't leave me. i'll do anything, just give me another chance. i need you."

you wriggle out of his arms, and his fists clench at his sides.

"i gave you chances. i gave you too many. i have to go."

you're running now, and he can't decide if he should run after you or not. has he not caused you enough pain?

instead, he falls to his knees and cries.

that was it. he lost you—he lost everything.

the polaroid picture was burning a hole through his wallet.

when he finally musters up the courage to check the guest room a few days later, he sees all your things packed up in boxes.

you had it all planned out, didn't you?

when mei comes later that day to pick up your things, she finds suna curled into a ball on the guest room floor.

"suna. wake up."

his eyes open slowly, and she finds them red, his eyebags puffy and cheeks tear-stained.

"is y/n gonna come back?" he asks, his voice nothing more than a whisper.

mei shakes her head, and suna cries again.

she looks away, thanking the heavens that she wasn't in a relationship. she couldn't help but pity him as she collected her best friend's things, suna's sobs as a sort of background noise.

she couldn't be surprised—the lost of your entire world was enough to make any grown man cry.

heartbreak isn’t easy, but suna’s heart hurts without you. where he sleeps, where he bathes, it all reeks of your touch.

you’re everywhere here, all memories playing back to him like a movie. he’s reminded of you, and recovering addicts don’t test themselves; they dont stay around said addiction to see if they can restrain themselves.

and so suna moves out, running from the place that you’ve drenched in your presence.

he leaves the polaroid picture on the table.

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highdramas · 3 years

Text

steady now | b.b.

𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐥𝐝'𝐬 𝐚 𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐛𝐥𝐮𝐫𝐫𝐲 𝐮𝐧𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐞 | 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

pairing: bucky barnes x fem!reader

warnings: language, possible tfatws spoilers, mention of death? sort of? mention of the blip mostly, some angst, references to sexxxx babie

word count: 4.3k wowie

summary: bucky is not the only one with amends to make.

note: here’s another installment in the twalb story <3 again, you don’t have to read these in order, they stand independently, but they do all work together! PLEASE leave feedback/reblog! this is extremely helpful for me writing future parts to know what everyone likes or doesn’t like! i’m extremely proud of this part so i really hope that you all enjoy it as much as i’ve enjoyed writing it <3

enjoy! <3

there was once a time where you loved california.

there was once a time where you had a boyfriend with an easy smile and charming demeanor and a family in ventura. his name was felix, and you always told people that he could make anyone fall in love with him with nothing but that stupid smile of him-- of course, you never said how that upset you. you never said how it hurt when the waitress looked at him with dazzling eyes and how he seemed to relish in the attention.

you never voiced how he seemed to eventually bore of the attention that you gave him. you never voiced the way that you wished he would look at you with those dazzling eyes and give you that breezy laughter and that look that said i have you in the palm of my hand.

he did. he didn’t need to give you that look to know that.

sometimes, you wonder if he felt any sort of relief after the blip. you wonder if when you dusted right before him, if he felt like he won in some sick way. of course, you know that he would never admit that. he would never make that known to anyone. maybe even himself. but subconsciously… you wonder if you were simply an accessory that was worn out of convenience, and if your fading from reality was the biggest convenience at all.

it’s sick. you know it’s sick, and likely not true. but still. you wonder.

when you returned, the first thing that you did when you got your hands on a cell phone was call him. you called him and you cried and you said that you were okay, you were here. you asked him what the hell happened. you asked him if it had really been five years.

you heard a voice in the background. it was feminine, light, airy. the voice of a fairy. you’ll never forget hearing that voice. you learned later that she was his fiance.

you’ll never forget the sort of heartbreak that you felt. it was visceral. the knowing-- the knowing that it wasn’t your fault, it wasn’t anything that you did. it was merely the absence of you. you still wonder how long he mourned. you wonder how long it took. you saw him only a handful of times after you returned. he had cried, and you had stared, unsure what to say.

how do you apologize for fading from existence?

that was the first time you saw him. the second was worse.

the second, you were angry. you were angry and you lashed out. what was supposed to be an easy dinner turned into an explosion of tears and fury, the words this isn’t fair and what was i supposed to do? wait for you? and so desperately you had wanted to say yes. you wanted to say that you wished he had held out hope, that he stayed up and dreamt of you and that he was devoted.

it was a selfish thought. he had told you politely to not contact him again.

you had learned that he had moved back to ventura with his fairy girlfriend from some casual facebook stalking. they bought a house on the coast. they’re planning a wedding.. she is beautiful, and you noticed something from the pictures you see of them together right away. he looks at her not like he was charming her, but like she was charming him.

that’s what made you realize he was never yours to begin with.

now, you’re in california again. now, bucky sits beside you and he drives and you control the music. now, he looks at you like you have hung the stars in the sky and propped up the moon. and you look at him the same way.

bucky has amends to make, but so do you.

when he reaches over and places his hand on your thigh, you smile. you place your hand over his and you squeeze. you’d insisted that you two rent a convertible, and though he rolled his eyes, he obliged. you drive down the pch and it is april and the sun is warm and inviting but not abrasive. he wears sunglasses and he doesn’t wear the gloves. he wears a short sleeved shirt.

it’s enough to make you smile and lay your hand back against the seat and make you think: everything happened just the way it should.

bucky is here to extend his amends to the chaplin family. well… really, he’s here to set them up with the CIA. they’ve been hydra sympathizers for years.

you, on the other hand, are here to extend amends of your own.

bucky knows. bucky knows and he watched you recall the story with tears blurring your vision. you would hiccup and say, “i’m sorry. i’m not sad over him, not anymore. i’m just sad that i could be forgotten so easily.”

he had held your face in his hands and he swiped at your tears and he said, “you’re impossible to forget.”

at first, when you brought up coming with him, he had been hesitant. his endeavors with the amends and with sam, he tends to like keeping separate. you get it. you know he doesn’t want to put you anywhere near the danger that he encounters, even if that maddens you. but then, your face fell and you held out the wedding invitation that had arrived in your mailbox. “i want to go.”

bucky takes it and he studies it and he clenches his jaw. he looks at you through his lashes. “i’m going with you.”

now, the wedding is in three days. you wonder if he was surprise when you sent in your rsvp marked yes. you were surprised that he invited you at all.

once, you remember him saying to you, “sometimes, you have to extend olive branches. you’re too damn stubborn for your own good.”

this is your olive branch.

bucky squeezes your thigh and his thumb makes small circles and it instills a calm in you that you haven’t felt since you stepped foot on the plane. he glances over at you. “we don’t have to go.” this isn’t the first time that he’s said this. “we can stay in our hotel all week. i’m sure we can find something to do.”

your jaw drops and you look over at him and he has that smug look on his face. it’s been nice, watching him slip into ease with you. “you are such a pig.”

“i’m just saying, we have options.”

you laugh and you swat his hand away. he grins and he places it on the head rest, his fingers idly playing with a few strands of your hair that blow in the wind as he drives. you pull up to the hotel and you check in and bucky carries all of your bags, which you try to object, but he simply does not care. you fall back onto the mattress and he follows suit and he presses his lips to yours, presses them to your pulse point, your jaw. he whispers against your skin that you are beautiful. he whispers against your skin that you’re an angel.

angel. he always calls you that.

hours pass and you spend most of them beneath bucky, breathless. eventually it is the middle of the night and you have done nothing but fuck and you’ll be the first one to admit that they were hours well spent. he’s propped up on an elbow and he looks down at you, dewy and heavy lidded. “why’d you want to come out here? to the wedding?”

you can’t help but laugh. “that’s what you want to talk about right now?”

he blushes, moves to hide his face, but you beam and you place your hand on the side of his face. you push yourself up and sit criss cross, holding the sheet to your body, facing him. he follows suit.

the two of you do this back home. whether you’re sitting on the living room floor or in bed. it’s easier to talk in the dark, bucky once said. you’d never forgotten. so, this became a sort of unspoken ritual. you would sit with your knees brushing and you would talk and you would laugh and you never wanted this to change.

“i guess i don’t know why i wanted to come.” you reach for his hand and he offers it to you. you run your fingers along the golden grooves, and you swear that you see the hairs on his opposite arm begin to stand up. “i didn’t want to be seen as the bitter ex. i hate-- i hate being perceived. you know? like, i can’t control how anyone views me. i can’t control them thinking i’m crazy or irrational. but… they don’t know anything at all.” bucky’s eyes never leave you. “i wanted to come because i feel like i’m ready to face it. the truth of it. i don’t feel fearful of it all. i used to feel so… gross. gross about how i reacted and how i felt. i felt so selfish. but now…” you can’t help but smile a little bit and you touch the place on his chest where his heart lies in his ribcage. “i’m glad for it. all of it. it’s stupid, but… it brought me here.” you lean your palm into his chest just slightly more. he covers your hand with his and he pulls you in, your hand splayed out on him.

bucky is softening before you. so often you are the one who offers an ear and a comforting touch, but he is happy to repay the favor whenever you need it. “you’re too strong all the time.” his words are definitive, with no room for arguing. “you were hurting. you’re allowed to hurt. you didn’t have a choice in missing out on five years while the world went on without you.”

of course, you know he’s right, but it just feels good to hear it. it feels good to hear it from him. “and he was an asshole.” bucky’s jaw sets. “he had five years to mourn you and your relationship. he barely gave you a month. what sort of guy does that? to a girl he loved?” he shakes his head, as if shaking the thought from his person. “if that were me, i would’ve…”

you watch as he trails off. he looks down and away. you gently take his face and move it up, getting him to look at you again. he gives you this smile that is equal parts sorrow and loving, and you wish you could take away all his pain. “i’d mourn you for life. and i… if i got the chance to have you again? i’d--”

“bucky.” you cut him off smoothly and you shake your head. “that won’t happen.”

he smiles. “i know.” he pushes your hair back and his hand rests on the back of your neck. “i just can’t imagine someone having you and not--” he shakes his head. “he’s a fool.”

gently, your hands lay on his knees and you lean forward. “you asked why i wanted to come,” you whisper, your lips nearly touching his. “i wanted to come because i want to thank him.” you press your lips against his, and his hand goes to splay on your back, pulling you in nearer and nearer. “he recommended the apartment building.”

bucky grins and you connect in every possible place. you roll between the sheets once more and eventually, sleep overtakes you.

the days leading up to the wedding pass by in a relative blur. bucky goes to make his amends and though you offer to come, he shakes his head. “i’ll be quick,” is his promise, and he keeps good on it. he’s gone barely two hours.

you spend time on the beach and sight seeing. you don’t know if you’ve ever seen bucky this… relaxed. yes, he’s always slightly more alert than your average citizen, but you will never fault him for that. you go and get ice cream and you sit on a little bench and bucky stares at you. “what?” you asked and you raise your brows. “something on my face?”

“actually, yes.” he reaches out and swipes your bottom lip, coming back with some strawberry ice cream on his thumb. he pops it into his mouth and it makes your heart plummet to your stomach. “yum.”

you all but drag him back to your hotel.

finally, it is the day of the wedding.

bucky has been ready for hours. he likes unbearably handsome-- you’d gone with him to a shop in new york and had helped him pick out some new slacks and a nice fitting shirt. he had chuckled at the way that the pants hit his ankles and said, “it’s definitely not the forties anymore.”

you had picked out a sage green silk dress, and you smooth it out in the mirror, tilting your head to the side as you looked at yourself. bucky approaches you from behind and you’re so stuck in your own head that you hardly notice him until his hands are on you. they go to your shoulders, rubbing soothing circles into tense muscles with his thumbs. “you look beautiful, doll.” he leans forward and he presses a chaste kiss to your shoulder, which makes you smile, because it’s so him. “i wanna kiss you but i don’t want to mess up your makeup.”

“like that’s ever stopped you before.”

“i’m a gentleman.”

a smirk works its way onto your face and some of the nervous, fluttering monarchs in your stomach have begun to dissipate. you turn and he gently holds your face, examining it. he opens his mouth to say something, laughs, and closes it. “i don’t even know how…” he clears his throat. you swear that tears prick at his eyes. “i don’t even know how to say how much… how perfect you are. i’ll never be able to say it properly.”

everything about james buchanan barnes makes you melt, and this is no different. you sigh and you lean your body against his, and he holds you ever close. “thank you for coming with me,” you whisper into the skin of his neck. “i needed you here.”

he holds the back of your head carefully. “i’d follow you anywhere, doll.” he pulls back and his hand holds your face, and the vibranium is like a kiss to your cheek. “may i kiss you?”

your lips part and you nod-- and he takes his time kissing you. he kisses you long and tender, making sure that you feel everything. sometimes you think that this is easier than talking for him-- this is the way that he can show you how perfect he finds you. it’s better than any words he could string together.

the ride to the venue is somewhat of a blur. bucky doesn’t take his hand off of you-- it’s constantly holding yours. from the car to the walk inside to taking your seats-- you can feel the eyes that are glued to you, but you can feel bucky’s hand in yours more. you can hear the muffled whispers of gossiping friends and family, but you hear bucky’s murmured complaints louder, and they make you laugh.

felix is at the altar already. he’s talking with a groomsman and he laughs at something and you smile a bit. he looks happy, you think. bucky’s arm is slung across the back of your chair and his fingers trail up and down your shoulder, his eyes fixed on you.

you turn to look at him, too. you lay your hand on his knee and your smile says your thanks over and over and over again. bucky’s eyes flick to the altar, and he sees that you’ve finally been noticed. felix may be looking at you, but you will never know. you are looking at bucky.

the ceremony is pretty. bucky’s bored, you think-- that thought is enough to make you chuckle. felix’s fairy girlfriend is exactly what you gathered from the pictures-- she is energetic and kind, she is sweet and beautiful. the more you think, the more you watch the way that felix looks at her, the lighter you feel.

a part of you had feared that you would never get over him. that you would never get over the what if. possibilities tended to haunt you, but now, being here… you had known for a long time that not only had you gotten over him, you had found something so much better than what you had. but it’s the thought that thrums through you that you were not expecting.

you can see this for yourself. one day. bucky at an altar in a suit, you in white.

you smile to yourself in your seat. bucky looks over at you. you look over at him, just for a moment. your heart feels full.

felix begins his vows. “carly,” he begins and he clears his throat. you can tell that he’s already getting emotional. “never did i once expect to find you. never did i expect to find someone who fit with me so… completely.” you watch as his hands shake as he holds the piece of paper. “but i did. and i’m so lucky it was you.”

his vows go on, and they are beautiful. through it all, you can sense bucky beside you, entirely attentive to you.

the reception is on the beach. the sun is setting, and it is stunning. the food is good and every gives speeches and toasts and you’ve been placed at a table with some friends that both you and felix had known. of course, when shit hit the fan with you and felix, you hadn’t exactly kept in touch, but they’re kind nevertheless. some recognize bucky, and the questions they ask make you cringe. “so… winter soldier,” one of them, kya, begins. “you actually did all of that bad shit?”

it takes everything in you not to lunge across the table. bucky’s hand finds your leg underneath the table, already knowing what you’d like to do. you open your mouth to interject, but bucky cuts you off. “hydra did.” he gives a clipped smile. it leaves no room for discussion.

they ask about the avengers and about thanos, and all of it makes you roll your eyes. they talk to bucky as if he’s a toy rather than a human being. as everyone is mingling, you see the couple beginning to approach your table. everyone cheers and scoops them up into hugs. it makes a part of you sad. not because of him, but because it’s another reminder of how life went on without you.

you and bucky stand and approach them. you can almost feel bucky’s hesitation as he sizes up felix. the protectiveness in his stance makes your heart swell. carly smiles at you, but you can tell that there’s a hint of nervousness in her demeanor. “hi!” she says and she looks between you and bucky. “we were both so happy when we got your rsvp. a little surprised, but…”

your eyebrow raises and you look at them. “i wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.” you place your hand on bucky’s arm. “felix, carly, this is my boyfriend, james. james, felix and carly.”

he shakes their hands and you note the way their eyes flick to the metal one on the other side. bucky and carly begin to make awkward small talk, and you look at felix. he looks at you. there’s something knowing in the stare. “want to take a walk?” he asks, nodding towards the beach.

you nod. felix turns to carly and you turn to bucky, who has a slightly concerned look written on his face. “it’ll be fine.” you lean in and you kiss him, wanting to take any insecurity from him. “play nice, but not too nice. if they say anything stupid, call them on it.”

bucky smirks. “you got it, doll.” he looks to felix and nods to him, and there’s something in bucky’s eyes that must scare him, because you swear felix pales slightly. and then you and felix set off.

for the first part of your walk, both of you are quiet. it’s as if both of you knew that this was inevitable, and now you’re just trying to figure out where to start. both of you begin to talk at the same time, and it causes awkward chuckles to fill the air between you. you stop by a log and you sit, staring out at the ocean. you cross your legs and you look over at him to find his gaze still on the ocean. finally, it moves to you. “i’m sorry.” you both say it at the same time.

a sad smile settles onto your face and you look away. “you first,” he says.”

“i’m sorry.” you look at him again. “i’m not sorry for the way that i felt. i’m not sorry for hurting. but i am sorry that i lashed out. i was… angry.” you suck in a breath. “people who stayed… they’ll always carry the grief and the trauma of those five years. but the people who came back? we came back to a world that had moved on. i can’t… i can’t explain to you how hard that was. it wasn’t just you. i lost everything.” you shake your head. “i took it all out on you. all that hurt. and i’m sorry for that.”

felix nods his head. “i’m sorry that i wasn’t more understanding of what you were going through. that i just… cut you off.” he swallows. “i had five years to come to terms with the fact that you weren’t coming back. even when you were back, it almost felt… fake. like i was looking at a ghost.” he swallows. “but i missed you. i want you to know that i missed you, and i thought about you.”

a small smile works onto your face. “thanks.” you look towards the crowd, where people are laughing and dancing. “she seems great.”

felix looks over his shoulder. “she is. she keeps me… in check. i can be kind of an asshole. i don’t know how either of you dealt with me.” this makes you laugh and roll your eyes. “you and bucky barnes, huh?”

“i have you to thank for that.” he looks at you in confusion. “the building you recommended me? we were neighbors.” you smile, thinking back on the memory of bucky barnes at your door, asking if you needed help building your cat tower. “he is the best thing that has happened to me,” you say it with no hint of hesitation.

felix smiles. “he looks like he’s crazy about you. he barely looks anywhere else.”

you bite down on your lip. “yeah, i’ve heard that before.” the wind ruffles your hair slightly, and you look at felix and he looks at you. “i’ve spent a lot of time being angry at you. i don’t want to be angry anymore.”

he shakes his head. “i don’t want to either.” he pauses. “maybe… maybe, one day, the four of us could… you know, get dinner or something.”

“yeah,” you nod your head. “one day.” you stand, and he follows suit, and you look up at him. “thank you. for inviting me.”

“thank you for coming.”

there’s a level of awkwardness that rests between you, and you think that perhaps it’s inevitable. but also, you can’t help the sense of relief.

part of you thinks that he’s itching to hug you, and you may be extending some forgiveness tonight, but you’re certainly not there yet. you begin to walk towards the party. “c’mon. you need to go to your bride.”

when you return, you think bucky might be ready to drive his steak knife through his eye. you approach him from behind, wrapping your arms around his shoulder and bending so that your face is beside his. “miss me?”

he snorts. “you have no idea, doll.”

you watch as felix makes his way to carly, and you meet his eye. he gives you a slight nod and a knowing smile, and you return it.

there’s a weight that’s lifted off of your chest.

“c’mon,” you say to bucky, tugging him up. “we’re going to dance.”

he groans and you laugh, pulling him by the hands to the dance floor. just as you are, you make me feel so young begins to play around you. as you step onto the dance floor, you begin singing the words quietly to him. your dancing slows to a light sway, and in your ear, bucky begins murmuring the words to you.

your eyes flutter shut and a sweeping calm comes over you. “you know… i never thought i would get married. did you?”

bucky’s hands have a firm place on your waist. “i grew up in the forties. of course i thought i was going to get married,” you two spin slightly. “but, after everything… i didn’t think that was ever going to be in the cards for me.”

your breath catches. “and now?”

“now?” bucky asks into your ear. “i can only dream i get lucky enough to have you as my bride.”

your cheeks grow warm. “mrs. barnes…” you lean back to look at him. “has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?”

the look on bucky’s face, you don’t know if you’ve ever seen that look before. “yes.” his voice is so firm it nearly brings you to your knees. “yes, it does.”

you two slow to a halt and bucky tilts your chin up. “guess i have some work to do,” his lips ghost over yours. “mrs. barnes.”

the world around you stops, and in that moment, it is only you and bucky. it is you and bucky at your ex’s wedding, and there is nowhere else you would want to be.

you’re beginning to understand why bucky likes making amends.

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky x you #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes series #the world's a little blurry

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6sakusa · 3 years

Text

‘broken’ miya atsumu.

a/n : lol i almost cried writing this so enjoy.

warnings : angst, physical violence (slap), mentions of cheating, mild swearing, me not proof reading.

“y/n, i love you and i want to spend the rest of my life by your side, so will you marry me?” you watched your boyfriend of four years get on one knee. he had told you earlier on to dress up nicely as it was a ‘special’ occasion. you assumed the only reason was the fact that the two of you were going to one of the best resturants in the city which would no doubt produce a bank breaking bill. but you were wrong, the occasion was special and you could easily name it as one of the best moments of your life.

it was hard to imagine that anything would be able to overshadow this, the feeling of bliss in your heart as he said those words to you, the sparkle in your eyes as you watched him pull at the ring which he clearly spent a fortune on, the round of applause ringing in the background from the on-lookers who were also dining. perhaps the only thing that would be better than this would be the birth of your first child, or all your children in fact.

you’d always imagined a life with miya atsumu the moment he asked you to be his girlfriend, you knew that he was more of the apartment type, specifically penthouses since his professional volleyball career allowed him a generous pay. you on the other hand had always been a house type, you longed for something big enough to nurture a family in, the two of you had been bickering about this for years since high school since the both of you were so sure that you would end up being his wife.

“yes, yes, yes oh my god of course i’ll marry you.” you squealed in excitement leaping into his arms with the biggest smile you had ever flaunted in your entire life. and those were the words he wanted to hear more than anything because he too had imagined a perfect life with you.. if only he could abide by it.

you rested in his arms, only pulling away to run your fingers over the pricey ring he had bought you. and of course he knew you’d love it when you had it saved to one of your pinterest boards for years.

“congratulations.” an array of customers proclaimed giving in to the celebratory atmosphere. truly, this was everything you could have asked for in life, you had a wonderful fiance, a beautiful place to live, you were thriving in your career and your social life was buzzing, curtesy of many of atsumu’s friends.

“do you like it?” he asked taking your hand to admire how beautiful you looked under the lighting positioned directly under your table. in addition, the stunning dress you had picked for the night was making you anything but resistible. how badly he wanted to tear the fabric off you and pound into you until sunrise was something he was struggling to hide.

“it’s beautiful.” you were mesmerised by the sight of it and your fiancé’s thoughtfulness, there was a love erupting in you that you weren’t even aware it was possible to feel for another person.

“let’s go home and.. celebrate.” he smirked with a smug expression on his face leading you towards the car. you knew exactly what he was thinking and how needy he was getting but tonight especially you would allow him to indulge in his lewd thoughts.

he held the car door open for you, he noted how much you loved this model, in fact it was your favourite one. it was one of the many things he noted about you as he planned to buy all the things you liked. maybe then you would forgive him, right? he hoped so.

he tapped against the steering wheel as the two of you drove down the night streets of tokyo, you assumed it was out of impatience because you were too distracted by your own thoughts to be as observant as usual with your boyfriends emotional state.

“y/n.. i need to tell you something.” he looked out of the window avoiding making eye contact with you as his drumming got louder. you turned to face him, readying yourself for him to make one of his usual silly jokes, or maybe one of his lewd speeches that would often come out when he got particularly riled up by you.

“what is it?” you asked with a light chuckle, the atmosphere of just a few minutes ago still buzzing within you.

“i- there’s no right way to say this but .. a couple months ago i slept with another woman and — i can’t bear the thought of you marrying me without knowing.” his words spilled out, there was barely a space between them and to any one else it would have been completely incoherent.

“what are you talking about ‘tsumu? that’s not funny.” you rolled your eyes with a smile leaning back into the passenger seat feeling the way the car moved on the smooth roads beneath you. there was a brief pause before atsumu decided to speak again, and between those seconds you thought absolutely nothing of his words. how you wish he would have just laughed along and stayed quiet, why? why did he have to tell you?

“i’m being serious.” he clenched his jaw causing you to whip your head in his direction, his eyes were still ahead on the road but he could feel your glare boaring into his skull. he couldn’t bare to face you, no — he didn’t deserve to face you.

“what?” your expression faltered, a new atmosphere dawned between the both of you. one that was a lot thicker — almost suffocating and heavily juxtaposed the one from the resturant. there was a million thoughts going through your mind right now, how was this possible? how did you not notice? how long had this been going on? why was he just telling you now? it was almost impossible to process it all at once with the feeling of your heart pounding out of your chest and your stomach getting ready to reject the food that you had eaten just minutes ago.

“i’m sorry i just, i got carried away that day you know? it was only a one time thing but i—“ his voice was cut off by a harsh slap to his cheek. you watched as the surface of his face turned red, he didn’t bother reprimanding you for getting physical, if he was being honest he expected it from you, actually he expected more. it was almost scary the way you weren’t shouting and screaming at him, the way you weren’t kicking and clawing away at him, it made him feel all the much worse.

you sighed to yourself, your breath was shaky as your heart was shattering in your chest and you hadn’t even noticed that you were crying. maybe it was because you were too occupied realising the way your life had all come crashing down in a matter of moments. your fiancé had cheated on you.. what does that mean for your relationship? would you even call him your fiancé anymore? and what about your home with him? not to mention the friendships you had with an array of his friends. what did this all mean?

“why?” your voice was below a whisper, you could barely muster up the voice to speak, there was a sickening feeling in your chest that you were way too focused on instead of your words.

“it wasn’t you.. it’s never been you, you’re perfect you’re everything i’ve ever wanted, i don’t know why, i’m just an idiot i was so stupid and i’ve regretted it everyday since... but i’m gonna fix it i promise i’ll fix it.” his voice was shaky and uneven, you could tell without looking at him that he was on the verge of tears. but that was nothing compared to what you were feeling. the fact that you had laid next to him for months without knowing that he had bedded another woman. did he touch her the way he did you? did he prefer her to you? was she prettier than you?

“how? how are you going to fix it?” you turned to him, tears staining your mascara and eyeliner, there was no doubt know that you looked like a mess. what you didn’t know is that atsumu still thought you were the prettiest girl in the world but you were too occupied being hit by the crushing realisation that the best moment of your life had just turned into the worst. love had so easily turned to hate and all your time together meant absolutely nothing to you anymore.

“well we’re going to get married right? and you’ve always liked this car right babe? i’ll buy you one. and there’s that house you always wanted, i can put a down payment on it today—“

“no.” you buried your head into your hands at the thought of your next words. four years? what did four years of your life mean now? what did you have left? “we’re not getting married.”

“wha— but you already said yes, come on don’t be like that, don’t you remember it was just a few minutes ago, you were so happy.” he spewed out words frantically, desperate to say something, anything, that would make you stay. he was prepared to sell his soul if it meant keeping you by his side, the only woman he had ever loved, the only one he had ever imagined a future with, the only one he wanted to start a family with, you were his everything.

“that was before you told me that you cheated on me and here you are throwing all these material things at me, a car? really miya? four years together and you’re here treating me like some gold-digging whore after breaking my heart? that’s why you proposed to me isn’t it? you think this ring will make me stay.” you were crying uncontrollably now and nothing atsumu could say to you or offer you would ever make you feel better.

“miya? y/n please i don’t know what else to do i’m trying to be honest with you—“

“pull over.” you interrupted him once again and he had no choice but to oblige. he knew that right now he was in no position to deny your wishes. but this was all temporary.. because you would come around right?

“i don’t understand why you would do this to me.” you bit down on your lip hard enough to draw blood, your head was spinning and it felt like your throat was closing up. you needed to leave, because miya atsumu was now too suffocating for you to be around.

“i know, i know i’m sorry, please y/n i’m so sorry — look i’m getting the house now i still want a future with you.” he tugged on your arm begging you to look at his phone where he was already entering his account details for the place you had been fawning over.

“don’t fucking touch me.” you swatted his hand away. you didn’t want him to be anywhere near you knowing how close he had been with another.

“i’ll give you space if you need it, i’ll give you whatever you want just please — don’t leave me, please don’t.” his hands were shaking now as he tried entering various different numbers into his phone, he didn’t care if he had to buy the entire house now, he’d pay for the whole thing this second if it meant he could walk you down the aisle in a couple months time.

“i don’t need anything from you.. i don’t want this anymore, forget about that house, forget about a family together, forget about marrying me.”

“no no no y/n you’re just angry right now but please don’t say things like that you don’t know how it makes me feel.” he turned to face you and his heart clenched at the tears running down your face. your makeup was smudged and you had pushed yourself to the very edge of the car just to make sure you were as far away from him as possible.

“and what about how i feel huh? did you think about that when you were fucking some other girl wherever the two of you were? you have no idea how i feel, you have no idea..” you brought your hands to your face, concealing your weak figure from his eyes.

“i don’t want this.” you removed the ring from your finger, the same one you had saved to your pinterest board for years, the same one you had imagined atsumu using to propose to you countless times, the same one that had featured in both the best and worst moment of your life.

“y/n please..” his words were stuck in his throat now, he was finally realising that there was nothing he could say — nothing he could do to make you stay. you wouldn’t come around, you respected yourself too highly for that, he would never be able to call you his again. what did his life mean?

“i hate you miya atsumu.” you pushed the door open walking out of his car despite how much he begged you to stay. you didn’t care how he chased you down the road, you didn’t care what he said to you, you didn’t think you would ever care again.. you didn’t have it in you.

and the curse placed upon atsumu? he would never be able to find love again, because he betrayed the only person to stay by his side with unconditional love for years .. there was no one on the planet who loved him the way you did.

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misha-moose-dean-burger-lover · 3 years

Text

happy birthday, @irrlicht-ghostfront ❤️ i love you, and i'm judging you for this being your prompt, but i love you some more, so here <33 (warnings: car accident) [NO MCD]

It wasn't supposed to be this way.

Blink and a miss — accident — wrecked car, and fleeting on the painful side of barely conscious in a pool of his own blood. There was too much of it anyway. Castiel felt dizzy more than he felt the pain as time, almost tangibly, passed on.

There's no way he was going to live.

(It was supposed to end old — fingers crossed for painless. Featuring inevitably beeping monitors, and time to come up with last words. A goodbye to his family.

Not that he had much of one right now — he isn't sure if he can call Dean's family his, yet; Dean seems to insist on it but then he's always been a pioneer in giving Castiel more than he could ever deserve, starting with his own heart, so Castiel can't tell — but he'd finally started to have intentions to, in the future.

A dog, for Dean.

Children.

Intentions to beg his brother to come back, and not give up until he'd gotten his forgiveness and his only remaining family back. But that — well, it was a different alley than Castiel's thoughts swarmed to right now. And swarm they did, his head throbbing, and life thudding at its gates.

Castiel had also intended to marry Dean, misty-eyed and denying it. Intended to figure out flower arrangements, and guest seating. Intended to kiss him at the end of the aisle, with his hands cupping Dean's face, and Dean's around his waist.

Then, move out from their shared apartment into a house.

Yellow wallpapered bedroom.

Treasure, and keep Dean happy forever.

Fuck.)

His breathing is still ragged, and his head feels too empty, but the heaving has lessened. Probably the blood loss. Less pain, more haze. And the resultant thoughtlessness is perhaps the only thing that sparks the courage in him to do what he does next.

Castiel picks up his phone.

(A struggle, but he's determined.)

If he's dying, and he'll never get to live the life he'd finally started to dream of — never have a life to share with Dean, never get to see Dean again, then he'll take what he can get.

He's allowed this, he tells himself. Allowed to be selfish, one last time.

He's on his deathbed after all.

It's outstandingly painful to bend his neck enough to see he's picked the right number — but the mere idea of accidentally calling an acquaintance at a time like this brings a tensed sliver of life into his muscles, and straining, he looks. Right enough, he's got 'Dean :)' on the screen.

Pressing dial, he lets his head fall back on the seat, wincing again. Maybe that'll relent the floatiness, if his body circulates some goddamn blood into his brain — because he needs this.

He's dying, but he needs this. One last time, he needs Dean.

A thumb swipes the familiarly placed 'on speaker' button — he can't bring the phone to his ear right now. He's going to have to risk Dean hearing the still crackling ruins of the poor engine, strewn across the wreck in smoldering pieces.

He must make quite a sight, he thinks, waiting for the call to go through. Man found in car wreckage, trapped by the door, dead within —

"Cas?"

Dean's voice cuts through Castiel's morbid mental news report, and almost reflexively, he closes his eyes. There's a tangible relief in his head when he does it, and god, Castiel must've been doing worse than he's convinced himself he is.

Dean sounds beautiful as always, and so familiar its like home.

It's the last time he ever gets to have this.

"Hello, Dean." Maybe he manages to not sound weird, or Dean's just not listening for clues. The loud racket behind him, at Bobby (and Dean's) automobile shop, helps as well.

"Hey." There's a smile in his voice now. Fuck. He's smiling. He's smiling, and he's smiling at Cas, and it's the last time Castiel ever gets to hear it.

He loses himself trying to remember the last time he saw Dean smile — earlier this morning, kissing him goodbye before he left — no, down from their balcony, accompanied by a gleeful wave because Dean's shift started a couple hours after Cas's day in the office did — no, when Castiel checked the time, and the Dean on his lockscreen grinned up at him — and he doesn't realize he's fallen silent until Dean's speaking again.

"Babe, you okay?"

There's a tinge of worry. Only a smidge, and it still hurts. The last time Castiel hears Dean can't be laced with anything bad. And it can't be Castiel's fault.

There's a pause. "Cas, what's up?"

Castiel doesn't know what to say so he tries to hold on to the phone tighter, his throat fluttering as a tear rolls down his face.

"Wait," The worry dissipates, apology slipping in. "Am I forgetting something? Did we make plans for lunch, 'cause Bobby and —"

"N-no." Cas struggles, and it's getting harder to not pant. He sounds too breathy anyway. "We don't. Didn't."

He forces a smile into his voice while saying it. As if it doesn't break him that he'll never get to see Dean again. But he needs to smile, doesn't he? One last time. Just for Dean.

"Well, do you want to?" Dean sounds cheerful. Normal.

Perfect.

Castiel doesn't want to die.

"Not, today." He half-heaves, and another tear rolls down his face.

Not today.

(If he'd known, he'd have stared to his heart's fill this morning. Kissed him an hour longer. Held him in his sleep. Oh, if he had had any foresight at all.)

"Dickface-atron keeping ya busy?"

Castiel lets the air stuck in his chest out, and it probably makes up for a small chuckle. He doesn't want to lie, he just won't agree.

"Figures."

"Sorry." Castiel tells him, meaning it entirely.

"Nah, s'good. I love you." Dean adds, clearly smiling wider, because they've only recently added that to their vernacular instead of the pedestal it'd been on for the first eight months of their friendship turning into a relationship. Somehow, it feels grander though — or, that might also be because it's the last time Castiel ever gets to hear Dean say it to him.

Oh, he loves him so much.

(He doesn't want to die.)

"And I have my packed lunch anyway." Dean continues, filling the gap thankfully. Machines blare in his background and he braves on like a man used to not being able to hear his own words due to the racket. Castiel is grateful for it. He hangs onto every word, drinks it in. Makes himself hold on. "Pretty sure you'd kick me to the curb if I let a PBJ go to waste."

"Jelly?" Cas smiles, when he wants to sob. He's certain he sounds fainter too, he feels fainter, and it's a miracle it doesn't show.

The tears well up in his chest, for possibly the rest of time. Dead men don't cry, and Castiel can't.

(Can't be long now, can it?)

"Jelly." Dean confirms. "It's the curse of paying attention when you rant about jam, you know." He snickers. "I used to be normal."

"Yes, I'm very lucky."

Dean chuckles, and Castiel sighs.

He's yearned for Dean to be happy, tried to make him smile, longed to see him laugh, for so, so long it feels like a part of him now. And now, it goes back to Dean, without him.

Somebody else'll make him smile, somebody else will wake him up with a kiss on his temple, and somebody else will love Dean for exactly who he is because it's Dean, and there was never someone who deserved it more — so of course somebody will.

But it will never be him again.)

An untethered broken sound escapes his throat, and Cas winces, faking a cough with it.

That makes the blood gush.

"Oh, also — wait. Just a second." He interrupts himself, and probably covers the speaker with his palm before yelling blurrily to someone near him.

(Or perhaps it's not supposed to be blurry. Castiel wouldn't know. He can hardly make out his own breathing. It's a feat that he can make out the conversation, even if most of it is instinct memory, and all he's doing is holding onto Dean for as long as he can.

Somehow, it feels like he's been doing so forever. But the time left, had never been so little.)

When Dean returns, he sounds apologetically busy.

"Dude, that dick who yelled at Ash, remember? He's back. Garth went this time, 'cause douchebag brought a Sedan."

Castiel swallows again, and vaguely registers that it tastes like metal. Almost like there's blood mixed with saliva.

There's another morbid thought. What, in this wreck, is finally going to kill him?

"I should probably check on him. Garth sorta wears on you."

"Of course." He croaks, and slips — fuck, he slips — but for once, thank god for oversensitive customers and boyfriends with likeable personalities, because Dean's conversing off the phone again, his hand on the speaker.

"I'll call you back, babe." Dean comes back to add in a rush, and Cas sucks in a painful breath, slowly beginning to feel like the only thing keeping him conscious any more is the sensation of air in his lungs, in his mouth, in the back of his throat. "Still have to ask what you even called about, you know. Or maybe if you just missed me." He beams, he obviously beams, and Cas stifles a groan.

"I do." He wheezes. "I —"

"Me too." Dean returns, flirty, and Cas goes to add to it — because he has to, because he's not going to make it, he's not going to be able to hold on until Dean returns, and he has to — but there's a click.

Castiel stares at the screen, devastated.

(Or tries to, anyway.)

"I love you," He cries out, aware that the line's cut, but needing to hear himself say it anyway. Plus, his head feels too numb to keep words inside anymore. It's less a prison of thoughts, and more a canyon of loss.

More tears fall.

His heart is beating faster than it ever has.

"I love —" His voice trembles, tries again, and fails. His throat refuses to comply with the thousands of things there remain to be said, and the words slowly fade, neglected.

In more ways than one, it's like being administered anaesthesia before a surgery — Castiel was operated on for tonsils at age eleven, and he remembers it still — and it finally sinking in, and knocking you out, as the doctor says to count to ten, and you hardly graze six.

His hands clutch the phone tighter, neck rendering him incapable of looking anymore, so he has no idea what his thumbs are trying to type — but it doesn't matter, not really, because this is it. Completely alone, young, and desperately in love with Dean Winchester, Castiel closes his eyes for the very last time.

And everything fades to black.

When they find him, it's been at least four hours.

It's night.

The uniformed official stuck with the responsibility of calling the next of kin, Victor Henriksen, fishes out the wallet as the paramedics carry him into the ambulance and attach him to IV immediately, and steps away to dial his emergency contact with a crinkled brow of sympathy.

And as he waits for the guy, a Dean Winchester, to pick up, he can't help but notice that his number is exactly the same as the one the last text almost sent from the victim's phone had been typed to — clutched in his hand, an unnerving, 'I love'.

And well, he isn't particularly into romcoms, but he hopes the poor guy gets a chance to finish his sentence.

He was in pretty bad condition, Henriksen recalls, and the bloodloss had knocked him out for several hours, but he looked twenty five at most, more importantly healthy, and — he looks at the wallet again, and the picture of two men (one of them, the victim) smiling at the camera with their hands around each other — most importantly, seemed to have reasons to fight for.

(Plus, he'd been the one to call the accident in himself — albeit four hours after it happened, but Henriksen figured he'd been passed out for that long — so he had to want to live, right?)

"Hello. Dean Winchester, who's this?"

"Hello, sir, I'm Officer Henriksen, and I have you listed as Mr Castiel Novak's emergency..."

"You dick."

Castiel coughs, and gives up on squinting against the bright light. It's a LED. Like in hospitals.

"Jesus, Cas. You complete asshole, you —"

Castiel opens his eyes a sliver again. The walls do resemble a hospital. Plain, white tiled. Way too many AC vents. Is that something on his hand?

"So you'll open your goddamn eyes, and not even fucking look at me."

There's IV's on both his hands. And something stiff around his neck. Almost like a collar, but thicker. And when he breathes, his ribs start like they might hurt — but the pain is numbed as it registers. He must be running really high on painkillers; they never really worked for him.

"Fine. You don't gotta look at me." A pause. Then, more shaky. "I was so scared, Cas. So fucking terrified. They said they weren't sure, said it may be too late, and you were dying. And then they tell me the crash happened at three, and I feel like I'm going to have a fucking stroke."

His vision slowly unblurs, feeling returning to his fingers. He tries to fold them, and winces at the strain.

Immediately, there's a hand on his arm.

"Stop moving, dumbass. I'm going to kill you for this, you know. I am, but I need you to be okay first."

The words don't register, but the voice does.

(He sounds beautiful as always, and so familiar it's like home.)

"Hell, I just need you, Cas. Period. I need your ridiculous, stupid ass — and I need you to look at me when I'm begging you to be okay, and I need you to stay, with me, forever, and not call me first when you need a goddamn ambulance, you dumbass —"

"Hello, Dean." Castiel interrupts, a hoarse whisper, and he thinks he hears a sob from the general direction of the love of his life.

(He really can't move his neck — he's got to tell Dean that at some point if he's not understood already. It's the cast.)

"Oh, thank god." Dean cries, the words muffled by either him burying his face in his sleeve, or the lifesaving medications Castiel is alive on account of, but it's okay, right? Dean's here — and he's okay. It's fine.

"I'm sorry."

"I'm still going to kill you for this."

"Well, I'd deserve that." Castiel tries to joke, and almost pulls it off, except for the part where he can't see Dean's reaction until the latter lets out another broken sob, and grabs his hand. Castiel freezes, trying to squeeze back, tears welling up again. "I'm really sorry, Dean." Then, after a beat. "I'm going to make this up to you."

It feels like a strange thing to say, but it's exactly what he means.

"Yeah, you are. Although it can't stop my revenge being not texting you when I have a heart attack in aisle three when I'm eighty and you're buying eggs, but okay."

If Castiel could, he would've shaken his head at that.

(But at least, and this is what really matters — they made it. He's alive. He — he gets this.)

"I love you, you son of a bitch."

Castiel smiles slowly, a tear landing on his pillow. "I love you too."

#destiel #destiel angst #castiel #dean winchester #deancas #cas pov #tw car accident #angst with a happy ending #prompt by the wonderful bamboo thank you again and happy birthday!!#bluefirecas #queenrowena #userpris #tearsofgrace #rambleoncas #oh writing my writing #PLEASE FORGIVE MEDICAL INACCURACIES IF FOUND i am a self professed fool #also please forgive bad writing. i hadn't written in WEEKS when i wrote this #long post

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