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writing-house-of-m · 1 year

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Bend & Snap

Wanda Maximoff x Reader

Genre: Fluff, Crack

Warnings: A few sexually suggestive scenes, nothing graphic

Word count: 3,065

Summary: Your date night with Wanda gets interrupted in the strangest way

A/N: This was a collaborative effort between @speciallysapphic , @therunawaykind and myself for a challenge set by @vancityfire13 . I thought it was fun and wanted to share. I hope you all enjoy reading 🙂

It had been a while since you and Wanda got a chance to spend some time together. So you agreed to a quiet date night in.

Sitting in front of the TV you were nearing the end of the movie you had picked out, dirty dishes placed on the small coffee table in front of the two of you as you snuggled on the sofa. It was your turn to choose a movie this time.

You both agreed that you would take turns choosing the movies you would watch on nights like this. Wanda always opted for classic movies you hadn't seen, while you picked 'iconic' movies Wanda would have missed because of her time through the war.

The night started with taking advantage of the empty compound, spending time cooking your dinner. Music filled the air as you danced around the kitchen together between cutting up vegetables and following Wanda's instructions.

You went along as best you could but not wanting to ruin your meal, you opted to follow her around like a puppy, completing little tasks you could see needed doing.

Throughout the movie Wanda tried to keep making moves to go further than cuddling. You stopped her wandering hands each time telling her to 'watch this part, it's funny' or ‘it’s coming to a good bit'.

She always found it endearing how you wanted to share the joy of watching movies together. It was one of the things she loved about you.

Now that the credits were about to roll Wanda seized the opportunity to pounce on you. She straddled your hips and began to desperately kiss you.

When air was needed she rested her forehead against yours, inhaling then letting out a breath, "I thought the movie was never going to end."

You furrow your eyebrows as you pull your head back to ask, "You didn't like it?"

Looking at your expression she can't help but find your pout cute, "I did like it, it was funny and definitely iconic," she answers.

Your face brightens but she continues as her hands move from around your neck down your body, "I just had something else on my mind," she says, biting her bottom lip and placing her hands under your shirt.

With your lips attached again, you waste no time in lifting her slightly to lay her on her back on the sofa and get comfortable on top of her.

Before you can even think about removing her shirt you hear the loud, excited voices of a few people approaching the seating area you were in.

You recognise the voices belonging to Steve and Thor. Even though you don’t hear them you know Scott and Vision will also be present because they were assigned on the same mission.

Feeling annoyed is an understatement because you really didn't think anyone would be back today. Before you get caught like a couple of school kids, the two of you sit up, fix your hair and clothes so you are presentable for your oncoming intruders.

As they enter the vicinity Scott notices the clutter of dishes and the movie credits rolling. The other men and the android turn their attention to you too once they are made aware of your presence when he asks, “You guys had a party without us?” His face, slightly sad.

But the question adds to your annoyance because intruding was one thing but him not realising he had walked in on your date was another. “Yeah, Scott. We had a party. Just the two of us.” You smile sarcastically at the man putting his helmet down on one of the empty sofas.

When he realises your tone he squints his eyes at you, “You know, it’s not your words that hurt, it’s the way you say them,” he says as if he is wounded. You roll your eyes and sit more comfortably, wrapping an arm around your girlfriend.

The ‘wounded’ man, getting over it quickly, asks, "What were you watching?"

Wanda leans into your embrace, "Legally Blonde," she replies for you, to avoid any cynical answers.

Scott's face lights up, "Oh, I love that movie. You really couldn't have waited for us to come back?"

You roll your eyes again and are about to say something but Steve is quicker, “Yeah, a relaxing movie would be nice after the 48 hours we just had," he states, joining the conversation.

Thor gets everyone's heads turning toward him as he walks closer to where the five of you are, beer in hand, “It was a long 48 hours indeed, but we were victorious in the end,” he smiles, proudly.

It’s silent for a moment before Scott speaks again, disregarding Thor’s comment and moving his gaze to Steve, "There's nothing relaxing about Elle Woods trying to get into Harvard, defying stereotypes, getting the man of her dreams back. On top of that she deals with sexism and her self-worth."

Thor, still with a bright smile on his face, says, "Ah yes, there is nothing more important than a woman getting the education she deserves."

To which Steve chuckles along with Wanda. You notice Vision standing on the side, looking like he is trying to compute the plot of the movie.

Scott, once again disregards Thor’s comment and continues, "It has so many iconic moments; 'What? Like it's hard?',” he quotes putting his hand on his hip as he pops it out for emphasis. "And using her hair care knowledge to her advantage! Who knew the girl would get caught because she got her hair done!"

Wanda giggles at the ant man’s enthusiasm while you sit there impassively watching him, still feeling a little irritated. You can’t help but wonder if you can sneak the two of you out while Scott has the attention of the room.

Your plan is foiled when Natasha, Sam, Bucky and Tony enter, the attention moving to them momentarily as they walk closer.

It really is a party now.

Nat raises an eyebrow assessing the crowd in the area, she smirks when she sees your displeased expression. You had already spoken to her about the fact you were finally going to get some alone time with Wanda - it was clear your time was cut short.

Everyone moves their heads in the direction of Scott as he gasps loudly, "The 'Bend and Snap'!” He exclaims, “How could I forget about the 'Bend and Snap'?!"

Steve, Thor, Vision and Bucky look at him confused, as Nat looks in your direction, “Legally Blonde?” She asks so you nod your head with Wanda nodding along, thinking the question was for her.

The new patrons to the room take seats in various places, when Vision questions, “The Bend and Snap?" You hear Sam laugh at the serious demeanour Vision has.

Nat stands with her arms crossed and everyone else listens from their seats as Scott explains, it's how Elle Woods gets a man's attention. Taking a couple of steps away from the couch he shows them how it's done.

Taking out a small disc from his pocket, he cautions everyone that it is safe. But from the look on the faces no one was worried to begin with.

The group have always been in agreement that Scott was the least worrying hero, the only reason he is on the team is because enemies don’t see him as much of a threat and that gives him the advantage to blindside them.

He’s about to start explaining when you all hear a commotion coming from the direction of the hanger. A moment later you all see the members of the Guardians of the Galaxy enter.

You let out an annoyed sigh watching them stampede their way to you greeting their comrades.

The red headed spy laughs at your exasperation, you can't help but wonder why everyone has chosen today of all days to show up.

When Peter asks what’s going on, he’s shushed and told to take a seat as they all sit and stand around joining the teaching moment.

When everyone is settled down, Scott continues, “First you need an item, it can be anything at all. You drop it,” he shows the item in his hand and drops it exaggeratedly, “Oh,” he giggles putting a hand to his mouth, his voice an octave higher, “Oops,” he smiles shyly, keeping up the act.

Returning to his normal voice, “Then you bend and reach for the item, like so,” he hinges forward at the waist, simultaneously sliding his hand down his leg, explaining the movement draws attention to the length of your legs.

“The whole point is to take your time, to keep the watcher on edge,” he wiggles his eyebrows and says this is the ‘bend’ portion of the manoeuvre.

“Once you have the item in hand, you quickly,” as he grabs the metallic disc he springs up positioning either hand to the sides of his chest, framing it while arching his back. Explaining this is the ‘snap’.

There is a round of applause mixed with some laughs as Scott bows to his audience.

Thor’s mouth hangs open slightly, intrigued and can't help asking, "So… if I do this it will get the attention of a woman."

Sam and Tony laugh together, “It will definitely get some attention!” Sam exclaims.

You join in with Wanda’s laughter, unable to get over how ridiculous this all has gotten.

Thor and Peter step forward to Scott with a few questions, wanting to go through the actions with him.

“I’ll need a volunteer to show you one more time,” he looks around and sees Captain America looking hesitant to ask so he does it for him. "What about you Cap? You wanna give it a shot?"

Steve glances over to the seats and sees Bucky looking over. He smiles and blushes but says he'll try, purposely moving to angle himself right so that the Winter Soldier will get a clear view of America's ass as he 'bends'.

Scott goes through the moves step by step using the American icon as a test dummy with Bucky’s eyes never leaving his figure. When he bends forward, Scott places a hand on Steve's back to get him to bend over a little more, much to Bucky’s satisfaction.

Steve’s movements are stiff but he manages to get through it getting a pat on the back from Thor as he tries to make eye contact with Bucky when he’s standing straight again.

Everyone else is too busy conversing or watching Thor’s attempts on the side to see the hungry eyes of the Winter Soldier, making you want to throw up. All those times Bucky has called Steve ‘Captain’ coming to the forefront of your mind.

You choke on nothing when Bucky signals toward the elevator as he stands to leave, while everyone is distracted Steve follows his path.

Wanda makes sure you are okay by rubbing your back. When your coughing stops, “It’s so nice seeing everyone together, it would be better if the rest were here too,” she says, which you can't help but smile at.

These people have become her family, it was one of the first things she confided in you. As if by magic Wanda gets her wish when you feel a gush of wind fly past you. Pietro stops next to Nat and shouts across the room adding to the chaos and noise, “I told you, even with a five minute head start I’d still win!”

You turn your head, you see, Yelena, Kate, Kamala, Peter (Parker) and America enter with Bruce trailing in just after them.

Thor’s boisterous laugh has you looking at the original group that ruined your night. Scott congratulates him for getting it correct and complimenting his arms being bigger than Steve’s. Thor is beaming, "I can't wait to try this on Jane, she will be so impressed."

Vision steps past Peter (Quill), who is showing Gamora the move, speaking quietly to Scott while looking sheepish. You swear you see him blush when he makes eye contact with Pietro, not realising the action was possible for the literal machine. He stutters his question asking Scott if he could help him next.

Nat told you he had a thing for Wanda’s twin but you didn't believe it. It really was a ‘you have to see it to believe it’ kind of thing.

Vision thinks he is quiet but everyone hears the final words come out of his mouth, “I just don’t think it’s appropriate in front of my daddies.”

A sheet of quiet takes over the room that feels like it lasts forever, jaws hanging open trying to fathom what they have just heard. Sam laughs first with the rest soon following.

They realise what Vision meant so fingers are pointed at Tony, Bruce and Thor with howling laughter taking over the room.

While Tony and Bruce want to sink into the floor Thor smiles not really understanding the joke. With Vision in the same boat he looks around not really caring and looking back to Scott with quizzical eyes.

You hear Mantis whisper beside you, “How many daddies does he have?” Making you feel bile creep up your throat again.

Before Scott can answer the android, Pietro cuts in and tells him he would show him himself but in a private setting, flirtatiously.

First you had to witness Bucky and Steve’s bedroom eyes. Now this, the world really was against you today.

Nat smiles as she sees her wife walk in and make her way to her. They greet each other with a kiss and she catches Maria up with what has been going on. She scoffs at the absurdity of it all and confirms they will have dinner in a few hours.

Their attention gets turned to Sam who asks if Nat will be a judge on who can do the ‘Bend and Snap’ the best. Scott takes offence saying he was right there, wanting to be the one to do the judging.

Wanda realises you have been quiet for a bit too long, “Hey, should we continue our date in our room?” She says lowly to you.

“You don’t want to stick around a little longer while everyone is here?” You reply with your own question.

“I think this whole thing has been enough for a little while,” she laughs, making you smile.

She takes your hand as she leads you away, the loud noise of the contest being sorted getting quieter the further you walk away.

You get in the elevator and are making your way up when it comes to an abrupt stop as the building shakes.

There’s a loud sound from something followed by the alarms going off.

The muffled sounds of Scott trying to defend himself, “I thought it was a shrinking disc!” Make their way through the walls of your location.

Sighing, you ask Friday what happened, “It looks like a sofa has been supersized and crashed through several walls.”

“So, how long are we stuck here?” Wanda asks for you. The only reply you get from the automated voice is that help will be on its way as soon as possible. Wanda doesn't want to risk using her powers in case something comes crashing down on the two of you.

It doesn't take long for you to get freed. You make your way back to the seating area due to the fact the oversized sofa is partly in your room.

You can’t believe your eyes. In the fifteen minutes you spent trapped in the elevator they have managed to set up a makeshift catwalk complete with a judging table, scoring cards and everyone has an assigned number stuck to their backs.

Noticing Steve and Bucky, you realise the early leavers from before have returned to take part in this little competition too.

When you make it to Nat and Scott at the judging section they explain one of his discs hit the sofa as they were trying to move it out of the way. “We still need one more judge, unless you want to compete,” Natasha quips.

You’re about to reply saying there was no way you were going to entertain the idea of you doing the ‘bend and snap’ but Wanda answers first, “I wouldn’t mind walking down a runway for you to judge me,” she smiles at you, biting her lip.

You smirk at her, “I think I already know the score I’m going to give you,” you give her a peck on the cheek. “You still have to work for it though, I can’t have anyone thinking I have a favorite,” you lower your voice to a whisper just for her to hear.

The competition starts when Nat announces contestant number one can begin and of course it is a loud fiasco.

With music blaring, it goes exactly how you would have expected something like this to go.

America and Kamala fall over their own feet in their collaborative effort, the two Peters decide to team up (two Peters are better than one they said) and have a wardrobe malfunction when webs attach themselves to Starlords pants pulling them down, Kate pushing Yelena forward to not do anything at the end of the runway but give her sister the middle finger when she catches her sister laughing at her.

Tony even managed to get Pepper to walk down with him as she awkwardly stood to the side while he picked up his glasses from the ground. Shaking his butt in her direction just to see her blush.

Drax, thinking it was a talent show, moves as slow as possible showing he can be invisible.

What’s even crazier is that Vision completing the action snaps the wrong thing because he short circuits and gets stuck. Pietro has to take him to Tony’s lab with Tony following behind him to get the android fixed.

When Wanda inevitably wins everyone has something to say about it. “An infinite amount of points isn’t fair!” You hear a variation of this same statement from a few contestants and you only have one reply, “Maybe you should find your own judge to sleep with,” you laugh heartily at your own joke.

Even though the night didn’t go as you hoped, you still had a pretty good time.

You are especially happy with the way Wanda was smiling and enjoying herself.

#wanda maximoff #wanda x reader #wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff x y/n #wanda maximoff x you #wanda maximoff fluff #steve rogers x bucky barnes #stucky #pietro maximoff x vision #pietro x vision #avengers x reader #avengers x y/n #avengers x you #mcu reader insert #self insert fanfiction #crack!fic #marvel crack!fic #fic #bend and snap tag

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brnesblogposts · 4 hours

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Caught in the act || Bucky Barnes

drabble. no warnings!

Bucky Barnes x Gn!Reader

reblogs appreciated!

—

“Oh doll, I love you so much.”

“Bucky I love you too.”

“Kiss me you fool!”

“What the fuck is going on” Bucky asks as he walks in to see you holding two action figures one of him and one of himself.

You drop them as soon as you hear him and turn around quickly, cheeks flushed red.

“Nothing.” You’re hoping he’ll leave it alone.

“Nothing, huh? So you weren’t just about to make our dolls kiss?” He teased, a smirk on his lips.

“Uhh no” You shake your head vigorously.

“It sure looked like it to me ‘doll’” he took a step closer and emphasised the word doll and you couldn’t help but blush.

“Bucky-” You start speaking to explain but he cuts you off.

“Do you do this on the regular? play pretend with the action figures of us?” There’s a gleam of muscle in his eyes.

“No” Wishing the floor would open up and swallow you hole as he bored his eyes into yours.

He continued to approach in slow steps, inching towards you and you wanted to run but he’s a super soldier you couldn’t out run him if you tried.

“Hey” He was right up to you now, toe to toe. You ignored his efforts. “I said hey” He said and this time used his finger to lift your chin up to make eye contact with him, if it weren’t for his hands around your waist you probably would’ve collapsed.

“Why the dolls? You’ve got the real thing right here baby” At his smooth delivery of these words you swooned and heated up, he smirked at your reaction and ever so slowly lent down until he was mere millimetres away from your lips- “Unless you’d rather play pretend?” He asked as his gaze flickered to your lips, you shook your head and he let out a soft laugh and closed the distance kissing you deeply.

a/n a drabble of an idea i had when i couldn’t sleep the other night idk ! Also, I suck at using punctuation!

taglist- @ktgsoul @orihimi-19 @armystay89 @mostlymarvelgirl

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #writerblr #bucky barnes x you #marvel #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes x female reader #bucky barnes crack fic #sebastian stan x female reader #sebastian stan x y/n #sebastian stan characters

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ijuststareatstuffhereok89 · 9 months

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“The Avengers Embark on a Brief Escape from Sanity” - a Loki x Reader crack!fic one shot

You, Loki, and the Avengers go to an escape room to pass an afternoon. You all fucking destroy the place, you chaotic sunsuvbishes.

PAIRINGS: Loki x Reader; Bucky x Steve; Author x Skywalker OG WARNINGS: the fuck if I know what my brain’s going to come up with, just know when to duck (brief erection talk and lots of Bucky ass-grabbing Steve) WORD COUNT: 2.4k

This is my 1k follower celebration, where you all dared me to write a fic while stoned, posting it un-edited. All I edited was spelling because my gods I’m not a total schmuck. For the record, at the beginning of this adventure I am about half-a-joint in, and fully intend to be two-in by the time we’re finished here today. They really should make some Marvel-named strains. A Loki OG would probably make me so horny. Like literally, his color is green so why don't we have Loki-Smoki? Anyway, here you go, my readers. Thanks for getting me to 1k! I love you….and I’m sorry. ^_^

“I don't understand,” said a highly-confused Thor as the quinjet touched down on the roof of the mall. “People put themselves in prison for fun here? How strange!”

“For once, I concur with my brother,” said a sullen Loki from the seat on your left. You smiled and slipped a hand over his. His skin always felt supple, cooler than a human’s, but still soft. “It makes no sense.”

“It’s a game!” said Steve, proud to finally be ‘in’ on something before another teammate. “To test our minds and ability to work on a team!”

Stark rolled his eyes and stood up first as the engines stopped. “Yeah, because The Avengers have no fucking idea how teams works…or how prisons work,” he eyed Nat, along with half of the team.

She pouted. “Fuck you.”

You and Loki quickly got up. “I think it’ll be fun,” you said, ever the optimist. “And if nothing else, think of all the attention this small, local business will attract if just one of us takes a picture with them!”

Loki smiled and kissed your forehead. “You’re always seeing the good in everything, even in the face of inevitable imprisonment!”

You rolled your eyes. “Drama queen.”

You may as well have sauntered into the mall in slow motion, you all looked so cool. Everyone recognized you as the heroes of Earth, of course, and you couldn’t get far before the wolves descended, desperate for interaction with their idols. Some of you relished in the attention. Tony was waving and handing out business cards. Thor and Steve were posing with the ladies for selfies while Bucky tried to grab Steve’s ass from behind. Meanwhile, Nat looked like she wanted to go home and punch someone. That left you and Loki in the middle, looking around over the heads of the gathering fans, looking for an exit.

“Are you sure this isn’t the escape room?” Loki asked.

“Over there!” you said, pointing to the left. A large, neon sign flashed “Escape-O-Rama!” from a regrettable distance away. But before you could wrangle the Avengers away from their adoring fans, two beautiful young women flanked Loki, ignoring you completely and shoving you off to the side.

Loki grimaced. “Ladies…I’m not sure you’re aware that you just shoved my--”

“--can we get a picture?” asked one, a fair-skinned lass with lush blonde hair. “Please, Mr. Loki? God, you’re hot!”

You frowned and rolled your eyes, regaining your balance as the second girl shoved her phone into your hand. “Take the picture?”

Without letting your boyfriend get a word in edgewise, the girls threw his hands over their shoulders, giggling like idiots. Loki looked at you, and raised an eyebrow the instant he saw how red your face was getting with anger. “No, I’m not indulging a pair of ingrates!”

They, again, ignored his protestations, leaving you to settle the matter.

“Jesus Christ, we’ll be late for our reservation,” you muttered, growling and chucking the camera at the one girl’s face, hitting her nose, sending her careening to the floor with a grunt of shock.

Loki looked pleasantly amused. You wasted no time in throwing the other girl off of him and hurling her body on top of her pal’s. “You seemed to forget two things, ladies,” you said, shaking a finger at them. “One, I’m an Avenger too, so I can do some cool shit myself. You should’ve wanted me in the picture too, you dirty trailer-park cunts! Two, Loki’s my man meat, so back off, you bald-ass hyenas!”

The girls were stunned, and the other mortals who were busy accosting the rest of the team fell silent, slowly backing away and deciding to resume their business, lest they feel your wrath next.

“Good, now can we go?” you asked sweetly, waiting until the two little bitches were looking at you before shoving your tongue down Loki’s throat for a solid twenty seconds of public access tonsil hockey. Loki loved showing off in public with you, the Kinkmeister.

Thor didn’t like it when you did that in front of him, however, and he quickly cleared his throat. “Let’s…just go imprison ourselves.”

“Thor, I believe the correct term is ‘go fuck ourselves’,” said Tony.

“It’s a ship prison?” asked a skeptical Loki as you were guided back to the escape room by a pimple-faced teenaged employee.

“It’s our newest room,” bragged the kid, his voice cracking worse than Steve’s on the first night he ever saw a stripper. “Escape from the Titanic! Very popular! Very difficult to solve!”

“So it’s a very large prison, a titanic prison,” added Thor.

“It’s named after a real ship,” said Bucky.

“Or the movie,” added Tony.

“You’ll have one hour to find and obtain the key that unlocks the last available lifeboat off the sinking Titanic. If you fail to find the key and leave the ship, you’ll all drown!” the kid recited, trying his best to sound interested.

“This jerk won’t be winning any Oscars,” muttered Tony.

The employee ignored Tony Snark.

“I’ll be available to contact via this telegraph machine,” said the kid, indicating the large contraption by the door. “You’ll have three clues. Just tap any pattern into the telegraph, it’ll buzz me, and I’ll give you a clue. You can also bug out of the room in an emergency by tapping SOS.”

Loki had to almost immediately slap Thor’s curious hand away from the telegraph.

The employee set the clock to exactly one hour and left the room. As soon as he locked the door, an off-key version of My Heart Will Go On began twinkling awkwardly throughout the room, making Nat cringe.

“This is what they did to me in Gitmo” she murmured. “Bastards.”

“So now what?” asked Loki, looking to you for guidance.

“Well the first clue could be anywhere, tucked in a crack in a wall or under a table…look for drawers that could be opened, clues that may be written down in a book or--”

“--here it is!”

Tony raised the key marked “Number One” above his head.

“Um, we didn’t even find the clue yet, asshole,” you grunted. “Slow your roll, ‘kay?”

Tony shrugged and tossed the key on the table. “The clue on the tag says something about poop.”

“The poop deck, usually toward the back of a ship,” recited Steve as Bucky tried to make a reach for Steve’s poop deck.

“Um, how ‘bout that sign?” Tony pointed with his thumb to the sign that literally read “POOP DECK HERE YOU NEED THE KEY” above his head in the doorway.

The clock read 58:26 as everyone piled through the first door…except for you and Loki. You grinned slyly as you closed the door behind the others, keeping the two of you in that first room.

“There’s only one mast I want to raise today,” you said seductively, making Loki purr with pleasure.

“I’d counter you with an equally-witty quip, but I am not on familiar terms with the lingo that mortals use for their ships.”

“Shut up and put your tongue in my face, Loki.”

He did, and it was fucking excellent.

“Um, you do know there are cameras in every room?” came a timid voice from over the loudspeaker.

“Good, it’s free porn for you!” you giggled. Loki put a gentle finger to your lips and ‘shhed’ you in a way that made you want to drop your pants.

“Dignity, dearest,” he said softly. “Let’s wait until we can desecrate Steve’s room again.”

You were about to agree before you were interrupted by the sound of disappointment amid Tony’s wisecracks.

“Got the second key!” he said.

“Oh, come ON!” moaned Steve. The clock was still barely at 55:00.

“We should probably stay with the others. We’re going to be finished before you can even get up all the way,” you said, chuckling.

“That is where you’re wrong, lovely,” he said, taking your hand and putting it on his crotch for just a silent, tantalizing moment.

Yeah, he was harder than the SAT in Latin. Sadly, you wood would have to wait.

As you and Loki caught up with the rest of the team in the second room, Tony was having a hard time getting the key to work. “It’s stuck!”

“It’ll fit, just keep at it,” said Steve. “Jam it in harder if you have to!”

“That’s what you said last night!” giggled Bucky.

“We don't have time for this,” Tony growled.

“We literally have all the time for this,” you replied.

“Stand back! I will take care of this!”

You turned to the far corner of the room, where Thor stood posed with Mjolnir.

“Jesus Christ, why did you bring that in here?!” shrieked Tony.

“I’ll save us!” he hollered proudly, charging the locked door, his hammer poised to strike.

“NO!”“BROTHER, STOP!”“OH MY GAH--!!!”“WHAT THE FUUU---”

You woke up fifteen seconds later, strewn about the rubble, the room itself miraculously still standing in spite of the completely-blown-out inside. Loki was closer to his brother, holding him down while Tony smacked him repeatedly over the head with a chunk of table.

You looked next to you, where Sam Wilson was standing casually. You jumped a little at his seemingly sudden appearance at your side.

“Whoa! Sam, where did you come from?”

Sam frowned and looked at you with moderate disappointment, much how he looked every day. He just meant it today.

“I’ve always been here. All day. I was in the room this whole time and everything.”

The team went awkwardly silent.

Sam looked over at Cap, sadness in his eyes. “Et tu, Steve?”

Biting his lip, Steve said nothing. Bucky put his big metal hand firmly on Steve’s buttcheek, getting another piece of that hot, sweet American pie.

“Man, fuck you all,” said Sam, turning around and walking away with his middle fingers raised.

Later, after being permanently banned from every escape room in the state of New York, the team paid the owner of the Risk E Rat’s Pizza at the other end of the mall to close the place so that they could dine in peace. Nat enjoyed the sounds of pouting kindergarteners as they were told to leave. It harmonized well with the sounds of sirens down the way.

“What? There’s a Ms. Pac Man machine at the barbershop down by the Apple store, you ungrateful fucks!” said the crabby old owner. Nat made a note to get his number later.

Most of you sat around a table eating cheap, stale-crust pizza. Meanwhile, Stark was off showing Bucky how to feel up the Justine the Teen Dream animatronic’s breasts, seeing if it would make him straight again (it wouldn’t).

“So,” said Steve, his futile attempts to masticate his “pizza” failing him, so he just swallowed the gummy dough and moved on. Kiddie pizza is nasty. “So, this is awkward.”

“How are we gonna spin this one, guys? Green Guy wasn’t even with us this time,” said Tony as he and Bucky returned, Bucky looking confused and disoriented as he sat down next to Steve again.

“Fury is going to be…ugh…”

“What is it, dearest?” asked Loki as your train of thought left the station.

You shrugged as your mind struggled. “I had a word in my head but my brain dropped it. Fury is going to be…uh….what a synonym for being really, really angry? Fury will be that.”

You all stared at one another in silence, none of you sure what to say next.

Another minute of quiet.

“Well, what do we do now?”

Loki shrugged and looked directly into the imaginary POV camera your brain is using to picture this story right now as you read these words. “It’s up to the author to finish the story,” he said with a grin.

FUCK.

“...so, don’t just leave us sitting here!” protested Nat. “You’re the one literally putting words in our mouths!”

I’M BLITZED, GUYS. WHAT DO YOU EXPECT?

“Just cut to us getting back to the Tower or something,” said Steve.

I’M NOT THAT CHEAP, STEVE.

“So, what now?” you asked.

WELL, HOW DO YOUR USUAL WRITERS END AN ADVENTURE?

“With a massive all out battle!” Thor jumped onto the table, raising his hammer high.

I’M NOT DOING THAT. MY THAI FOOD’S ALMOST HERE.

“So, again I ask…now what?” you repeated.

The author paused for a moment before typing out her final commands.

OKAY, THOR, GO BACK TO THE ESCAPE ROOM AND APOLOGIZE FOR BLOWING UP THE STORE. THAT WAS RUDE.

Thor dropped his head and pouted. “Okay.” He sauntered off into the mall, toward the sounds of the sirens.

NOW BUCKY, GET YOUR HAND OFF STEVE’S BUTT AND THE TWO OF YOU GO PRETEND TO BE HETEROSEXUAL FOR THE DISNEY-PLUS RELEASE OF THIS EPISODE. WE CAN’T BE SCARING OFF THE SWEET CHINESE GOVERNMENT DOLLARS, NOW.

Bucky whimpered as he took his hand back. Steve winked and kissed his forehead before stepping back and punching him square in the shoulder. “Vaginas, amirite?”

“Hell yeah, vaginas!”

They walked off into the sunset dude-bro punching each others’ shoulders the whole way.

NAT, I KINDA FORGOT WHAT TO DO WITH YOU. SORRY. ERRR…HERE’S FIFTY BUCKS.

A fifty appeared in Nat’s hand. “Cool. I could buy a gun with this!” She walked out.

HEY TONY, CAN YOU NOT BE SUCH A TWATWAFFLE NEXT TIME? I’M RUNNING OUT OF FIC IDEAS THAT INCLUDE YOUR MAIN CHARACTER TRAIT NOT BEING A QUIP MACHINE.

Tony shrugged as he began to make his exit. “Hey, that’s all the MCU’s writers think I am, anyway. I’ll be off doing science somewhere.”

As Tony walked away, everyone left could hear him singing “I’m just a quip machine, and I don't work for nobody but youuuu…”

SO, NOW IT’S JUST YOU TWO.

“Hey,” said Loki cautiously.

“...yep,” you added.

“So, what commands do you have for us?” Loki asked.

I DON’T KNOW…GO HAVE WILD HOT MONKEY SEX SOMEWHERE.

“Okay!” you said cheerily, grabbing Loki’s hand impatiently dragging him toward the exit while he looked at the author with alarmed confusion. “But why do we have to include a monkey--?”

As the pair of you flew out of sight, the author looked around the Word document, and saw that it probably wasn’t all that great…but it was still more coherent than Finnegan’s Wake, so that surely counted for something.

So she closed the laptop.

Taggies for the possibly-innerested: @anukulee @buckyownsmylife @coldnique @chantsdemarins @fictive-sl0th @gigglingtiggerv2 @gruftiela @glitterylokislut @glitchquake @holymultiplefandomsbatman @holdmytesseract @itsybitchylittlewitchy @joyful-enchantress @loopsisloops @lokischambermaid @lokisgoodgirl @meowmeow-motherfucker @muddyorbsblr @mochie85 @mischief2sarawr @peachyjinx @silverfire475 @simplyholl @texmexdarling @trickster-maiden @vbecker10 @wheredafandomat @xorpsbane

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wintermischief · 1 year

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Bucky Barnes x F!Reader Humor/Crack Fic Recs

last updated: january 20, 2023

18+, MDNI in case of nsfw content

Fics with humor and all the chaos. Basically shit that makes me giggle. If you liked the fics please show support to all the amazing writers!!

❗️ PLEASE MESSAGE ME IF YOU’D LIKE ME TO REMOVE YOUR FIC OR IF I MADE A MISTAKE❗️

Magnetic Poetry @thenhewaswrongaboutme

Marry Me At The Bottom Of The Sea @teamcap4bucky

Partners In Crime @bucky-bucky-bucky-bucky

Misfire @shurisneakers

I Love You, Baby @sleepypanda27

Artichokes @heli0s-writes

Crunchy @heli0s-writes

Interrogation @heli0s-writes

Fellowship @heli0s-writes

Grilled Cheese @ayybtch

Facetime Blunder @the-winter-smoulder

My Girlfriend, The Worm @vivwritesfics

Smash or Pass @sidepartskinnyjeanslibrary

Under The Covers @imagines-for-the-fangirls-soul

Pebbles @lovelybarnes

Oh Good, It Has A Mind Of Its Own @beyondspaceandstars

Laundry Day @onceuponastory

Guys Night @teamcap4bucky

The Gas We Pass @jobean12-blog

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fic recs #crack fic #humor fic

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allagogtoreblog · 1 year

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#eddie x reader #eddie munson x reader #steve x reader #stever harrington x reader #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #always cracks me up when Y/N is referred to as gorgeous by another character #like no the eff I ain't #a ten in fanfic a three in real life #sexy as hell in fanfic #awkward potato in life #meme #reader #reader meme #i made a meme

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phoenixstark1708 · 6 months

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the daughter of an archangel

chapter 1

sooo..... this is my backstory in my marvel DR, major trigger warnings, this also crosses over into supernatural later, but i havent even written that yet.

trigger warnings: abuse, torture, blood, death, fucked up timeline, etc.

pairings: later will be sam/dean winchester, and even later will be bucky,

in this, endgame/inf war doesnt happen, i took plenty of creative liberties.

summary: (this is written in first-person) phoenix is a girl who was created by the nazi organization HYDRA, and she meets the winter soldier on a mission, i cant say much more without spoiling future chapters. will try to proofread but no promises.

word count: 2,654/10,649 - that ive written so far.

change of POV's will be indicated

“Get up you stupid pig!” the guard said, in a thick Russian accent, banging the cell door with his truncheon. He shone a flashlight in my eyes, making them burn from the lack of light for the past two days. I stretched out my sore muscles, wincing from the scabbed-over cuts all over my body. After days of no contact with anyone, just me and the cold, dark cell. Somehow being dragged away for training almost feels like a blessing. I stood and allowed him to cuff me. at this point, I know the drill. “so, Angel, how was your weekend?” He asked while holding my shoulder, guiding me out of the cell – the only place I’ve known as home for my whole life – literally. I was born in the damned bullpen. My mother died during birth, I guess having twins really had her beat.

On the way to the hell chamber – sorry, training room - I saw him, I saw Benjamin. For the first time in weeks, I saw my twin. He looked rough. Probably just had a sparring sesh with one of the winter soldiers. he’s always been smaller than me, But there was something different. he seemed especially weak. I haven’t eaten anything in what I assume has been around 4 days. He probably hasn’t either. They were always doing this, trying to weed out the weaker members. Its grim, but I knew he would die soon. It was clear that I was stronger, and if it came down to it, I would kill him without a second thought. After all, that’s how I was trained. I was bred, raised, and trained to be ruthless. And that is the only reason that I am still alive. HYDRA has no room for error.

As I walked into the training room, I saw the winter soldier, long, brunette hair, with a metal arm. The only time ive ever seen him is in cryo-sleep, he looked so peaceful, so harmless. The man standing before me was soemthing different entirely. His eyes were blue as ice, and just as cold. He looked right through me, almost like a drone. “this is her first mission. You will be supervising her.” he hands the man with a metal arm a file containing four pictures of senator james martin, whos been a public neusence for hydra for a while. The winter soldier grabbed me by the arm and dragged me through the door.

It was a quiet drive on the Harley, at the moment, we were just n full assassin gear. My small arms were wrapped around his waist, making him clearly tense up. His metal arm was glinting in the moonlight as we pulled into a nearby parking garage, a birdseye view of the gathering senator martin. “I will stay up here while you go inside. As many casualties as possible. No survivors.” He said gruffly, setting up the rifle. “They won’t let me in. I’m wearing a costume.” I said, my voice gravelly from days of no use. He glanced down at me for the first time, and gazed at me for a moment, before pulling out a T-shirt that had the senators face on it, and a pair of grey sweatpants. “Change into these, keep your weapons concealed until my signal.” I quickly stripped. he turned away, giving me privacy. I was more then used to being watched, so this was surprising. I fixed the too-large clothes, and looked harmless. Instead of looking like an eight-year-old assassin, I looked like a normal kid.

There was something in the winter soldier’s eyes that I didn’t recognise, almost like affection. I walked down the stairs of the parking garage, feeling his eyes on me the whole way. Slowly, I crossed the street, nearly getting hit by a truck that I didn’t know to look for. As I made my way to the entrance of the granite building, I noticed trucks outside, like the kind I saw at my home, - armoured trucks. I, of course thought this was normal. “Careful, there are hostiles in the building. Captain America and the black widow are protecting the target.” His voice came through my earpiece. “I don’t know who they are” I whispered back. “You will. They won’t want to hurt you, use that to your advantage.” And with that, he went radio silent.

As I walked barefoot through the large doors, I spotted a woman in a similar outfit to what I wear, only without the red skull. She spotted me immediately, and I tried to disappear through the crowd. I was unsuccessful. A man in a red, white, and blue uniform grabbed my arm gently, holding a shield in his other hand. “Who are you kid?” He peered down at me “I’m here to see my daddy.” I said, feigning panic. I pulled my arm out of his grasp and ran toward a random man, tugging on his shirt. Shield guy turned away before he could see the man push me away. I stayed by him, trying to convince the people that he was my father. I got a little turned around, when a perverted looking man grabbed my wrist “hey sweetheart. You’re gonna come with me now.” He said, his voice just as weird as him. The man in the jumpsuit put his hand on his shoulder “why dontcha leave the girl alone pal.” He dragged him away.

Just then, his signal came, by shooting the senator in the gut, taking him down. The panic set in immediately. People running around screaming like headless chickens. The man with the metal arm burst through the door, sealing off the only accesable exit. I grabbed the first person I saw, they just happened to be the senators daughter. She couldn’t have been more then seventeen; I snapped her neck. I unfurled my wings and tripped some old man with them. I stabbed him in his corroded artery, a fatal blow. Killing got easier the more I did it.

The fight went on like this for a while, until the red-haired woman pushed me to the ground “stay down kid.” seeing me pinned down, the man i was on the mission with began to make his way over to me. I waved my hand, and the woman went flying, hitting the wall with a thud. Oh yea, something I forgot to mention; I'm not a normal person. In addition to having my DNA spliced with the peregrine falcon, giving me wings, and the ability to fly, I was also experimented on with energy from the soul stone, one of the six infinity stones. Ergo, I had ‘powers’. The winter soldier stared at me, shocked, his brief moment of distraction caused him to get a wooden chair to the head. He shot the dude that hit him.

The man in the flag costume, and the woman ran. Smart. Tactical retreat. I ran to every person I saw, and killed as many as I could. Once we were sure that there were no more targets, the winter soldier grabbed me, and threw me on the motorcycle behind him.

We stopped at a motel that charged by the hour… if that tells you anything. “we will stay here for a while. You need to get clean, I know that the hoses hurt.” he said, a hint of compassion in his voice. Hes right. They used fire hoses to ‘clean up’ whenever any of us got dirty. I walked into the bathroom and stripped. I didn’t close the door, because I assumed I wasn’t allowed to. I didn’t know how to use the shower so I just sort of stared at it, waiting for it to turn on. The man walked in, turned the handle of the shower, and left. I jumped when water started to spurt out of the faucet. I stepped into the water slowly, gauging the temperature before completely immersing myself into it. My muscles involuntarily relaxed at the sensation of the warm water. I began rubbing the dirt off of my limbs when the winter soldier walked in.

He didn’t look at me, but made a damp washcloth and started cleaning his wounds. They were worse then I assumed, and I coudnt help but observe him while washing the rest of the dirt off of my body. I only sustained minor cuts and bruises in the fight, but he had deep lacerations on his face, presumably from the chair. I stepped out of the shower and stood there, a towering three-foot-seven-inches, short for my age. He glanced at me and handed me a towel while dabbing his wounds “whats this for?” I asked “dry yourself. They will notice our absence if were not back soon.” so, I dried myself off, and put on my uniform, running my fingers over the red skull with tentacles, like a squid. I giggled, imaging it wiggling its tentacles.

Bucky

The little girl was looking at her uniform, giggling. For a moment I thought of two young girls in brooklyn. I was a teenager with sisters… what? No, I wasn’t. I am a weapon for hydra. Whats going on? I was steadily bleeding from the prick who hit me with a chair, we needed to get back to base. She suddenly looked up at me, concern evident in her sweet, blue eyes. “are- are you okay? You're bleeding,” she frowned. “Let me help you. I can make people feel better.” I skeptically sat on a bed near where she was standing. She slowly reached over to me; I shied away when her hand got close to my wound, remembering the various punishments I've had over the years. I am a wild animal. I need to be controlled. She looked into my eyes, the child-like glimmer long gone. It's unfair; all children should have that. No. She is not a child; she is a weapon. That’s it- like me. She gently laid her small hand on my head near the cut. All of the sudden her eyes started glowing, a certain gold color I'd never seen before. Her hands began glowing the same, and my head started tingling.

I immediately felt better. I can't explain it, but she somehow lodged herself into my memory, unintentionally. And I knew I would never forget her. She looked at me worried, noting the glazed look in my eyes. “are you alright? I'm sorry if I hurt yo-” I cut her off “My name is Bucky,” I blurted out; I had no idea where that came from. “You need to call me Winter, or ‘the winter soldier’, otherwise they’ll kill us both” she looked at me confused and alarmed “okay… I will” “we need to go back.” so I took her small hand, gently, and led her to the HYDRA-issued motorcycle we came here on. The drive back to base was cold. I could feel it in my bones. I couldn’t help but wish I could help her warm up. I didn’t know what I was feeling, but I knew HYDRA wouldn’t like it. I am a machine. Not a man.

I rode up to the gate “солдат?” soldier? “миссия успешна. приветствую гидру.” mission successful. hail hydra. The gate opened, and we rode into the garage. She was immediately ripped off the back of the bike and dragged away. “you are late. The camera in your suit shows you made a ‘pit stop’. She had an effect on you. You will both be heavily punished for this.” no. I practically jumped off the bike. I grabbed the mans neck and snapped it before being sedated. The last thing I heard before I got knocked out was “well, after we make them watch, we’ll have to wipe him again.” I woke up strapped to a modified autopsy table. Modified so I was reclined enough so that I had a clear view of the girl. And she had a clear view of me. One of the doctors walked in with an array of surgical instruments “doctor- sorry- creator! Thank goodness! I was scared we were taken by the bad people!” the little girls face lit up with relief. The doctor sighed and placed his kit on a surgical tray, the knives clattering against the cold steel. “child, птичий урод.” bird-freak “you have been very bad. And you know what happens to bad children.” he put on surgical gloves, and picked up a Sickle Probe, the device that dentists use. He walked toward her slowly “creator, im sorry! It was a mistake! Please. Im sorry” she cried out. however, she didn’t struggle against the restraints. “it is too late to apologise freak. You will be punished.” “yes sir.” she slumped against the autopsy table, keeping her fear-filled eyes on the doctor. He walked up to her small body, and turned off the magnetic cuff, allowing her arm to fall. The monster grabbed her arm, and stuck the hook of the sickle probe into the inside of her elbow. She began silently crying from the pain, blood slowly dribbling from the wound. He slowly dragged the hook down her arm, toward her wrist, tearing her skin. The blood was flowing heavily now, and he was trying to stifle her cries. After reaching her wrist, he put the probe down and picked up a rusty razorblade.

He moved to her chest, and drug the blade down her sternum, and to her lower stomache. She was crying freely now. “heal yourself.” she did as she was told, her eyes glowing gold, and the wounds shimmering as they healed instantly. He grabbed a klein tool – essentially a broader pliers. He walked to her bare feet, and clamped down on her small toe. He bent it to a sickening angle, causing the bone to snap with a disturbing CRACK. She screamed. He used the wire-clipping part of the klein tool to cut off a patch or skin on her foot. He grabbed a knife, and made slow, deep, and deliberate cuts all over her body. After nearly an hour, he decided hed had enough of that. he only reason she was still alive was because she wasn’t fully human – she couldn’t have been. “heal. Now. Not your foot though. You will deal with that.” she did as she was told. She was exhausted. She collapsed against the table before he shocked her with a set of jumper cables rigged up to a car battery. While watching this, I struggled against the restraints so much, my wrist began to bleed. Every time I screamed for them to let her go, my restraints would get an electrical charge. I was muzzled like a dog. Reminding me that I am no better then one. I am one. She screamed every time he cut her, shocked her, stabbed her, or tore the skin off her flesh. When she screamed, the building would shake. Not figuratively either.

She was clearly more powerful than she could see. She could easily kill him, she could kill everyone in this god forsaken building. HYDRA had control over her mind. But not in the same way as they had mine. They beat her down, made her feel powerless, made her think wrong is right, and right is wrong. I have to get her out of here. The doctor made his way over to me “judging by your reaction, she made an imprint on you. Well, time to forget her!” he said, laughing malevolently. “no! You cant-” I was cut off by a blow to my temple. They dragged me to the Memory Suppressing Machine. A white hot pain ripped through me. I couldn’t remember the mission, but I could remember a girl. A sweet, young girl. I knew I should protect her. As far as they're concerned, I don’t remember a thing. “Желание. Семнадцать. Ржавый. Рассвет. Печь. Девять. Добросердечный. Возвращение на родину. Один. Товарный вагон” my trigger words.

let me know if you wanna be tagged in pt2

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ro-is-struggling · 2 years

Text

Road trip

Pairings: platonic!Bucky Barnes x Reader, platonic!Steve Rogers x Reader, platonic!Sam Wilson x Reader (i think this is gender neutral but if it isn't please let me know so I can fix it)

Summary: you annoy the shit out of Steve, Sam and Bucky— especially Bucky—during a long road trip.

Warnings: crack fic, humor, sharing beds, kinda fluffy

English is not my first language

Word count: 3400+

Notes: I don't know what this is. I had this stupid idea after watching civil war again because that tiny car with two super soldiers in it it's so funny to me. I'm sorry if it's sucks, I have a shitty sense of humor

Being on the run wasn't as cool as it sounded. The movies always made it out to be this grand adventure in search of truth and justice where the stakes were always high. But in reality being on the run involved crappy motels in the middle of nowhere and hours of driving through back roads. There was nothing glorious or epic about it, it was just boring. Especially when you spent days trapped in the world's smallest car with two super soldiers.

Steve, Bucky, Sam and you had left the motel where you had spent the night first thing in the morning, hoping that would give you a head start. The plan was to get to the next stop before dark, but fate had not been on your side. Now it was almost dark and you still had a long journey ahead of you, having to drive through the middle of nowhere. Literally. You were so far away from any trace of civilization that you weren't even able to pick up any radio signal, so the car was plunged into the deepest of silences. The only noise you could hear was coming from the old engine, which was threatening to break down and leave you stranded there with every rumble it made.

At least that was until you proposed that you play some road game to pass the time. The guys weren't very enthusiastic, but you insisted so much that they ended up agreeing. They knew that entertaining you for a while would be better than having to put up with your boredom.

"We've been trying to guess what it is that you saw for over 15 minutes, why don't you just tell us?" Bucky spoke with annoyance beside you, tired of playing 'I spy with my little eye'. He felt like he was trapped in the car with a five year old and honestly didn't know how much longer he could put up with you.

"But that's not fun! You're supposed to guess!" you complained pouting.

"We give up," Steve said from the driver's seat, your eyes meeting momentarily in the rearview mirror.

"Fine! It was the doodles I made on Bucky's arm while he slept," you admitted with a grin as you watched Bucky's expression change upon discovering the doodles on his arm.

"How were we supposed to see that?" Sam complained from the passenger seat, interrupting Bucky before he could let out any curses in your direction.

"Okay fine, you're right! Let's play something else."

"Why can't we just sit in silence for a while?"

"Because that's not fun, silly!" you said, tapping Bucky's nose with your finger. "Let's play 21 questions."

"I'm going to sleep," Sam stated, leaning back in his seat and resting his head against the window. He was tired, having spent the last few hours awake driving after having the worst night's sleep of his life. Normally he wouldn't have found your attitude so annoying, half the time you guys would team up to annoy everybody—especially Bucky—, but this time it was different. He was exhausted and the last thing he needed was to deal with your boredom.

"Nooo! C'mon it'll be fun! I'll think of something and you guys have 21 questions to guess what it is. Got it?" You explained the rules a little too enthusiastically. None of your teammates responded, but you took their silences as a signal to continue. "Okay guys I'm ready, start with your questions."

"Are you thinking about hot dogs?" Bucky spoke in an annoyed tone. The smile disappeared from your face and for the first time in hours you remained silent. How had he been able to guess in the first round? Did he have mental powers that he had never told you about?

"... no," you lied in the hopes that the game would last more than five seconds.

"Y/N!" the super soldier next to you complained, knowing full well that he was right.

"Fine, you won! I was thinking about hot dogs. How did you know?"

"Because you haven't stopped talking about it since lunch."

"Well maybe you wouldn't have had to listen to me complaining if Steve had let me eat that hot dog when I had the chance."

"It was a half eaten hot dog in the garbage!" Steve defended himself, raising his voice a little. He still couldn't believe that you were actually willing to eat that. It was so wrong on so many levels, though the worst part was that you kept blaming him for saving you from your own stupidity.

"It was fine! I had worse," you said in a casual tone that made Bucky shake his head in disapproval.

"IT WAS IN THE TRASH!" Steve exclaimed, raising his voice and earning a smack from Sam who despite all the noise was still trying to sleep.

"Whatever, man," you shrugged. "Let's play something else!"

"Why don't you take a nap, Y/N. It's an easy way of making time pass by quicker" Sam spoke from the front seat without moving or even opening his eyes. He tried to tempt you with the promise that time would pass by faster, that all your boredom would be forgotten in the dream world, but you didn't fall into his trap. You couldn't even if you wanted to. You weren't comfortable enough to sleep in that car, trapped between the door and Bucky's muscular body. Your brain refused to shut down even if it knew it was best for everyone.

"I can't, I passed my window of opportunity and now my brain won't shut off. I have to wait another few hours for my next window. And you guys better pray for it to come quickly because this silly mood I'm in is only gonna get worse the more sleep deprived I get."

"Well, maybe you aren't tired, but I am and I would like to rest," Sam complained. "I've been driving all morning so please let me sleep."

"I'm sorry but I'm so bored," you pouted, looking at Bucky with innocent eyes trying to convince him to take your side even though you knew that was impossible. He was a man of little patience and you could read in his expression that you were beginning to drain him of it.

"Then find something to entertain yourself in silence."

You let out a huff, sticking your tongue out at Sam before turning to focus your gaze on the window. The view was shitty, you really were stuck in the middle of nowhere. There was nothing but road and land all around you, and you couldn't even enjoy that because the sun was starting to set, making everything fall into darkness. However, it was enough to keep you silent for a few minutes. Bucky closed his eyes, reveling in the peaceful atmosphere. For a moment he thought he had defeated you, that you had finally understood that no one was in the mood for your bullshit. But then he heard your voice once again and knew that the battle was far from over.

"Oh I know, I know!" Your excited exclamation broke the silence. "I should drive so I can get tired like Sam."

"NO!" The two super soldiers shouted, making you frown.

"Why the hell not?"

"Because you haven't had a proper night of sleep in at least two days and you have been surviving purely on chips and energy drinks," Steve explained and you rolled your eyes. "I wouldn't trust you with anyone's life right now."

"Whatever," you muttered angrily, letting your back hit the back of the seat with a loud thump. You crossed your arms over your chest, digging your eyes like daggers into the back of Steve's head. He was being irrational, denying you the only activity there was to do in that damn car to keep you bored. He was conspiring against you and you would make him pay for it.

Choosing to save your revenge against Steve for later, you turned to look at Bucky. "Can I keep doodling in your arm?" You asked him and you sounded so cute that he almost said yes. Almost.

"No."

"Then give me your hand."

"What? No!"

"C'mon man, give me your hand!"

"What for?"

"I want to play thumb wars with you."

"But I don't."

"Play thumb wars with me or I'm gonna start singing and you know how annoying I can get."

"Jesus, Buck just do it" Steve pleaded and he let out a sigh of defeat. He grabbed your hand reluctantly, rolling his eyes as you let out a chuckle of victory.

"One, two, three, four, I declare a thumb war!" You barely had time to blurt out the rhyme before Bucky crushed your finger under his. "Hey! I wasn't ready," you complained, your angry eyes meeting his expressionless face. "Best of three."

This time he let you make the first move before attacking. His thumb charged at yours, but you were quicker and moved it out of the way just in time—letting out a squeal of happiness as you did so. However, the joy didn't last long because two seconds later he managed to catch your finger under his once again.

"I won," Bucky stated inexpressively, although you were able to notice in his eyes a spark of joy at having beaten you at your own stupid game.

"One more time! I want to see if I can beat you at least once."

"You said best of three."

You looked at Bucky with narrowed eyes for a moment before you opened your mouth and started singing the first song that popped into your head in the most off-key way possible. In the background you heard Sam growl and Steve curse under his breath, but that didn't stop you.

"Okay, okay fine!" Bucky gave in and you grinned like a bratty kid who had just gotten their way—and in a way you kinda were.

You took his hand once more, giving him a defiant look before trying your luck once more. You were much more careful with your movements this time, trying to predict what Bucky would do to use it against him. You concentrated and eventually managed to catch his thumb under your finger for a brief two seconds. You didn't even have time to smile in victory before he turned the tables, beating you for the third time.

"Oh you completely suck!" You exclaimed angrily, letting go of his hand.

"You're the one that wanted to play this with a super soldier," Bucky laughed and you realized you hadn't taken his super senses into account. "It's your fault, not mine."

"You're supposed to let me win sometimes, you know."

"Why because you suck?"

"No! Because it's not fun if you always win" you said, hitting his arm, fully aware that he didn't even feel a slight tingle. "Sam, play with me!"

"Sam is sleeping and you should do the same" Steve interjected using that disappointed father tone he sometimes used with you.

"I can't, I'm uncomfortable. There's no space back here."

"Bucky, move over so she can have some space."

"I can't, there is no more space" Bucky mumbled through his teeth. "There would be if we have taken a bigger car like I suggested-"

"There wasn't a bigger car," Steve interrupted him, "So figure things out!"

The car fell silent, the tension tangible in the air. Everyone was tired, hungry and in desperate need of a bath. You had spent too much time together in the most uncomfortable situations so it was normal for Steve to be a little grumpy.

Deciding that you had done enough to fuel the tensions, you settled into your spot to try to get some sleep. You tried to mirror Sam, leaning your head against the window, but the vibrations from the engine rattling on the glass were distracting you and making you a little dizzy. So you opted to slide down the seat until you could rest your head on the backrest. That solved the vibration problem, sort of, but it was an even more uncomfortable position than the previous one. Turning your head to your left, you found Bucky leaning against the seat and enjoying the silence. Then an idea popped into your mind.

"Can I cuddle with you?" you asked him in the softest voice you could muster, trying to persuade him to agree.

"What? No!" he exclaimed, his cheeks turning a soft pink.

"C'mon, I can't sleep like this and you're taking half of my side of the seat with your big muscles anyways so you owe me."

Bucky hesitated, looking at you with a frown. He wasn't in the mood to put up with you on top of him. Not only was he tense and tired, but he was angry at you. You had spent the last few hours doing nothing but irritating him and now you were asking him to be your mattress. Nope, he wasn't going to do it. You would have to find another way to get comfortable, just like he and Sam were doing. He wasn't going to help you after you entertained yourself by testing the limits of his patience and sanity.

But then you pouted, looking at him with puppy dog eyes, and Bucky knew he couldn't refuse. Letting out a sigh, he opened his arms to make room for you. "Fine," he said. "But only because I want you to shut up." You smiled at him, knowing full well that wasn't the only reason. He could never resist your charms, you were too cute to deny you anything.

You settled on his chest without any shame, wrapping your arms around his body to cling to him. His muscular chest felt firm against your cheek, but the warmth he emanated was enough to compensate. The new position was much more comfortable, allowing your body to stretch in a different way after hours of sitting in the same position. You could feel his breathing, his chest rising and falling beneath your face. It was nice, peaceful. You could fall asleep like that.

"Hold me," you said when you noticed that Bucky had let his arm rest on the back of the seat. "It's weird if you don't. Besides, you have to protect me in case we crash while I'm sleeping. If you don't hold me I'm going to fly out the windshield." Bucky rolled his eyes, but didn't protest, wrapping his arm around your shoulders as he pulled you closer to him. You let out a long yawn, the built-up tiredness finally winning out over your energy-drink fuelled brain. You closed your eyes, snuggling more against him as you let his breathing and the movement of the car relax you. "You're comfy," you murmured against his chest.

"Just try to get some sleep," he said, relaxing beneath you. Without realizing it, Bucky began to stroke your shoulder with his fingers. He traced imaginary shapes on the exposed skin, awakening a gentle tingle in his path. It was a subtle touch, but it was enough to help your body relax. For a moment you tried to concentrate on it, trying to figure out if his fingers followed any specific pattern or drawing, but you lasted only a few short minutes before you gave in to exhaustion. Steve's soft voice saying “finally" was the last thing you heard echoing in the distance.

You didn't know where you were or what time it was, the only thing you knew was that you were hugging something soft and fluffy, like a giant pillow. In the distance a voice called your name, and when you looked up you found a marshmallow three times your size. It had a face, two big cartoonish eyes and a kind smile that it was dedicating to you. The world around you was full of pastel colors and fluffy clouds. It looked like the fantasy of a little girl who was obsessed with unicorns and forest fairies, but you didn't question it. You were too comfortable using Mr. Marshmallow as a pillow to think about anything.

But the voice in the distance calling your name grew louder each time, becoming clearer in your mind. A constant annoying sound that distracted you from the pure happiness you felt in that strange fantasy world. You tried to ignore it, but it kept persistently increasing in volume until it was the only thing you could hear.

When you opened your eyes you felt completely disoriented and disappointed. The world around you was much darker than the one in your dreams and the body underneath yours, although comfortable, was not half as soft as Mr. Marshmallow's. It took you a few seconds to realize that you were in the car curled up next to Bucky and that it had all been a dream.

"What time is it?" you mumbled as you sat up straight, rubbing your eyes to shake off the sleep.

"Late," Bucky replied. "C'mon, Steve found a motel. Let's get you in a proper bed."

It was only when he opened the car door to get out that you realized he was parked in the driveway of what appeared to be a cheap motel. The neon light sign, though malfunctioning, was working enough that the glow hurt your eyes. You followed Bucky across the parking lot with your eyes glued to the floor, the last thing you needed was to get a migraine. He led you to Sam and Steve, who were coming out of the lobby with room keys in hand. Or rather, the key, singular.

"They only had one room available," Sam explained, waving the keys in his hands. They had a sticker on them that read 06 in messy handwriting, warning you that it was probably the worst place you could have chosen to stay. But you were tired of being trapped in that damn car, so you didn't complain. As long as the sheets didn't have bugs on them you'd be fine.

"It has two queens so we're gonna have to share," Steve announced as you walked to the room.

"I call dibs on Bucky!" you were quick to exclaim as if you were a toddler fighting for the front seat of the car with their siblings. "He's comfy," you added, clinging to his arm so he wouldn't escape your side. Bucky rolled his eyes, but you were able to notice the pink flush on his cheeks.

When you reached your room you barely took the time to change into more comfortable clothes before throwing yourselves on the beds. Everyone was tired and aching from hours of sitting in the same position, so lying on a bed was a dream come true. Sure, it wasn't the most comfortable and fluffy mattress in the world and yes, you had to share the space, but it was still an improvement after spending days sleeping in a tiny car.

You settled in on the side of the bed facing the hallway. If for some reason you had to get up in the middle of the night you didn't want to have to wake Bucky up—you didn't want to have to put up with his grumpiness in the morning. He laid down next to you a few seconds later, the mattress dipping under his weight. You fought for the sheets for a bit, wanting to keep yourselves tightly covered while leaving as much space between your bodies as possible. When you realized that wouldn't work, you put the courtesy aside and snuggled together.

You closed your eyes, letting the warmth of Bucky's body help you relax once again. But this time it didn't seem to work. You could feel your muscles relaxing on the mattress, your eyelids heavy with sleep, but your mind was elsewhere. The voice inside you kept talking, asking questions and imagining situations that distracted you and kept you from sleeping.

"Hey guys," you whispered in the dark. "Guys... are you awake?"

"Huh?" you heard Bucky mumble, accompanied by a grunt from Sam from the other bed.

"Do you think fish can see water?"

"What?" Steve spoke, a mixture of annoyance and confusion in his voice.

"Like, we can't see air, right? So do you guys think fish can see water or it's just like the air for us?"

Instead of answering you with words, Sam picked up one of the pillows he had set aside and threw it at you. The object hit you in the chest before bouncing off Bucky, who threw it across the room in annoyance.

"Y/N, please go to sleep," Steve implored tiredly.

"Next time I'm carrying you to bed like a kid who fell asleep in the car on the way home," Bucky warned you in frustration, regretting waking you up in the first place.

#bucky barnes x reader #steve rogers x reader #sam wilson x reader #bucky barnes fluff #steve rogers fluff #sam wilson fluff #marvel imagine #humor #crack fic #bucky barnes x gender neutral reader #steve rogers x gender neutral reader #sam wilson x gender neutral reader

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demetris-cocksleeve · 1 year

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(A/n: I rewatched TWS and am now on a Bucky Brainrot so you guys get this...)

(Still don't write for Marvel or take Marvel requests! I just have a couple scenarios I need out of my head!)

(Based off that one tiktok)

(And I'm still working on requests, it's just that I'm only working on them a bit at a time rn due to recent events)

Word Count: 436

Summary: Leave it to the God of Mischief to make your new friend uncomfortable.

Warnings: Reader has a brother (not a warning, just clarification)

Age rating: None

Bucky Barnes/Loki x Reader: The Spider Escapades

-------------------------

"I'll be right back. Why don't you guys get to know each other a bit more?"

Bucky watches as the door closes behind you, now stuck with Loki and not knowing what to say.

A disturbing look crosses Loki's face as he leans back against the sofa. "So... How did you and Y/n become acquainted?"

"Uh," Flashbacks of you threatening to beat your brother with a baguette cross his mind.

Your brother had been teasing you in line of what Bucky now knows as your favorite bakery when you threatened him quite loudly that if he continued, you'd jump the counter and 'shove a fresh, hot baguette up his ass'.

"It's... kinda weird." He settles on.

"Is it the spiders?" Loki inquires.

"The spiders?" He's curious now. "What spiders?"

The green-adorned man chuckles a bit before answering. "They have more spiders than average in their house."

Bucky can't help the laugh that leaves him as he asks, "And what's average?-"

"38." The god's face has lost its humor, going eerily blank.

A moment of silence passes over the two before Bucky breaks it. "I haven't... Seen any spiders..."

"Then you are not looking hard enough."

"I'm not really looking at all," he decides to ignore the accusing tone of the other.

"Good."

More confused than before Bucky asks, "Do... You like there being a lot of spiders?"

"Yes." Loki levels him with a stare as he leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees. "And I don't like sharing."

Feeling creeped out, Bucky tries to think of a response but before he can, you slip back into the room, a couple of beers in your arms.

"Hey, I'm back, sorry. Hope you guys weren't too awkward."

Sitting back once more, Loki is the one who answers. "It was pretty awkward."

You set the bottles down and a concerned look crosses your face. "Why? What happened?"

You take a seat, glancing between the two.

Loki spares a glance at Bucky. "He said he only hangs out with you because you have an astronomical number of spiders in your house."

His mouth drops open before jumping to his own defense.

"NO! He said that!"

"Why would I say that? I already have all the spiders I could need!"

"What does that even mean!?"

You interject before they get too heated. "Okay, Buck. If you want my spiders you can have them."

To say you're thoroughly confused would be an understatement.

Bucky looks at you, exasperated. "I DON'T! HE DOES!"

"He just said he has all that he needs."

"I do"

"WHY DOES HE WANT A CERTAIN AMOUNT!?!"

#Bucky barnes x reader #loki x reader #Bucky barnes x loki #crack fic

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our-destiny · 1 year

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Day 9 of @creativepromptsforwriting's 30 Days Writing Challenge - Write about a heated debate

A/N: I didn't write yesterday cause I was busy, so I'm doing yesterday's prompt as well as today's prompt. Because of that this is short and terrible, with not a lot of effort put into it, but you're getting two posts today so that'll hopefully make up for it.

30 Days Writing Challenge Masterlist

Word count: 314

. ☪︎* ☁︎. . * ✰ .· ☁︎ . * ✯. ☪︎* ☁︎. . * ✰ .· ☁︎ .

"No, pancakes are the best, you can shove your bacon up your ass."

"Bacon is so much better. If you're having pancakes for breakfast, you might as well be eating cake."

Bucky likes pancakes for breakfast. Sam likes bacon. So of course, they had to argue about it.

Sam was standing by the stove, prepared to start making breakfast, while Bucky was standing in the door frame, preventing Sam from making breakfast via arguing with him, and you were sitting at the table in the middle of the room, hearing them argue over the top of your head. You knew you weren't going to get fed until they settled this. If they settled this.

"Can you just get started on it, please? I'm hungry. You can argue while cooking, believe it or not, Sammy."

"No. He's wrong, bacon is superior. Pancakes are for five-year-olds."

"Pancakes are not for five-year-olds. I'm 106, you should respect your elders."

You drop your head onto the table, groaning dramatically at their arguing.

"Oh, I'm sorry, is this annoying you?" Apparently, this was just the way Sam wanted to spend his morning. "Well, what do you think is better? Bacon or pancakes?" Now the both of them were staring at you, waiting for you to settle this for them.

"I like both." At that they both let out a half-sigh-half-groan. A second later, Sam asks you another question.

"Okay, well, who's your favourite?"

"What?" He can't seriously be asking you who your favourite is.

"Who do you prefer, me or Bucky?" Okay, maybe he is asking you who your favourite is.

Bucky's been silent this whole time. You look over at him, seeing if he's really going along with Sam's lunacy, but he's just standing there with his arms crossed, waiting for you to make your decision.

At this rate you don't think you're ever going to get breakfast.

. ☪︎* ☁︎. . * ✰ .· ☁︎ . * ✯. ☪︎* ☁︎. . * ✰ .· ☁︎ .

Reblogs are probably not deserved but definitely appreciated <33

#bucky barnes #bucky fluff #bucky x female reader #bucky fic #bucky fanfic #sam wilson #sam wilson fluff #sam wilson fanfiction #marvel fluff #mcu fluff #mcu platonic #tfatws #the falcon and the winter soldier #marvel crack #captain america #they're platonically married your honor #30dwc

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louwaffles · 1 year

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Y/N: Let me see if this works.

Y/N: Babygirlsaywhat

Steve: Pardon?

Bucky: Yes, doll?

Sam: Yeah?

Y/N: *narrows eyes*

#The Avengers #Avengers on crack #steve rogers x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes incorrect quotes #sam wilson x reader #sam wilson incorrect quotes #avengers incorrect quotes #marvel incorrect quotes #y/n incorrect quotes

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bitchybarbarianenthusiast · 5 months

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12/06/23 - THE INTRO :)

Hi, my name's cherry/katt. Yes, katt is spelled that way.

This is a sub-blog i created in lieu of just having another platform to spew my girly little wisdom on.

At the time of this post i am 18 years old. And my dad is dead. One has no relevance to the other i just like pointing that out so people don't get disappointed when they find out that i'm actually kind of disturbing.

If we're being completely honest here, i'm just a weird girl who happens to be hot.

That being said, I'm in a lot of fandoms. This blog was created as a ted talk of sorts. Everything from what current characters i stan to any random piece of thinking i have while stoned. [This blog is 420 friendly, let's talk about it!]

I will try and post daily but there's no promises that i won't be able to keep.

Alright, that'll be all for this post!

Lukewarm regards,

xoxo - Cherry <3

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antiheroest · 1 year

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"-FUCKER!"; A Bucky Barnes x Reader Drabble

pairings — dramatic!reader x dramatic!bucky barnes

summary — you're afraid you've reached your time, and bucky just happened to be there during your final moments

warnings — mentions of death, swearing, angst, fluff, very sad attempt at humour, lactose intolerance, ...

word count — 761

“You okay?” He asked.

“I’m afraid not.” You melodramatically sigh, adding in a few coughs after just to make it seem real enough for him to believe it.

He stares at you in genuine concern. Feeling sorry for himself for not knowing what to do to help you in the state you were in.

Staring at you with hopeless eyes, he knows your situation won’t be getting any better anytime soon. It’s about time he faced the music, he thinks, trying to immediately head to accepting the impending cataclysm.

“Tell mother and father that- achoo- I won’t make it back home in time for supper,” You sadly requested of him, trying to make do with the voice you had left that came out croaky.

Resting your head on the chair and placing both your hands in your chest, you prepare for the inevitable grasp of death slowly taking hold of your withering life.

Without your lifeline, you knew it was the end. There was no force in the world that could save you now.

“The plague has taken me to become a slave to its terrors,” You announce wistfully. Tears start pricking at the corner of your eyes.

Knowing you’ve lost, the pain has become unbearable. You weren’t sure how you remained alive and breathing, but you knew the life you led was coming to an end.

“I’m afraid it’s too late, Buck.”

“No!” He theatrically exclaims as he shakes his head in pure unadulterated disbelief, there was absolutely no way this was happening. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go.

Your lips slowly curl up at his reply, very satisfied with it. Your face instantly falls back to a frown as you remember the sorrowful situation that brought you here in the first place.

“My body is too frail to walk another day on this land,” You announce. “I’m afraid that I won’t make it to see another light of day ever again.”

You take a shaky breath as you use your residual strength to pull yourself together long enough to go on.

“The plague has triumphed. I fought with all my might, but it seems that my might was not strong enough to battle the horrors of consumption.”

Samuel Wilson watches in amusement, but mainly confusion at the interestingly startling sight unraveling before him. Standing under the shade of a green tree, he watches dumbfounded at the two figures by the lake sitting on opposing lawn chairs.

The one hundred and seven year old, former ghost assassin with a staring and dislikeable attitude problem “sheds tears”

Forms the most hideous ugly crying face any super soldier on the planet could ever pull and childishly makes full blown crying sounds.

As you “die”

Dramatically press your hand against your forehead and let your arm fall limp off the aluminum chair.

From the “consumption”

Someone accidentally taking the last piece of Pepper Potts’ famous mozzarella sticks leaving none left for you.

The prevailing Captain America shakes his head at the dumbasses he calls his friends before heading back inside the lake house to interact with normal functioning adults that actually act their age.

“She lived a good, long life. It’s a shame she never got to eat that last mozzarella stick.” Bucky wickedly feigns sadness at your “ongoing demise”.

You let your head fall as you close your eyes shut and let your tongue stick out to really solidify your “death” with the classic “I’m dead, bleh!” face.

But before you could let your soul slip away into the nothingness of the world, you hear the familiar rustling of Bucky digging into the not-as-intimidating-as-he-thinks-it-is leather jacket he always wears to complete his emo ensemble.

You attempt to discreetly open one eye to take a glimpse at what made him get over your tragic demise so quickly. You wouldn’t be kidding when you’d say you would rather cut off your own left arm before you’d believe the sight that you witnessed from the corner of your half-open right eye.

As your mouth slacks open, you gape at him in astonishment, disbelief, and utter betrayal all at once.

Eye twitching at the newfound revelation of his traitorous doings. In that moment, you have never wanted to wish lactose intolerance on someone more than anything in the world as much as you did now. Not that it was a common occurrence…

Low and behold, James Buchanan Barnes eating the last mozzarella stick from his vibranium hand. His face contorting in pleasure as he savors the ambrosial flavors flooding his mouth full.

"YOU MOTHER-"

---

a/n — i couldn't sleep… so naturally i gave in and wrote the stupidest thing i could think off. hope you enjoy the shit that goes inside my head written down lol.

please feel free to comment anything. ANYTHING! (i'll sincerely appreciate it, even if it's mean)

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky x reader #bucky x you #original female character #angst #tragedy #sad attempt at humor #bucky barnes crack #bucky fic #marvel fic #avengers fic #i actually invented tragedies in literature #poor writing

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zander-idgaf · 1 year

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Bucky, where is my pencil?

Genre: crack, fluff

Summary: Bucky wanted to get your attention so he took your 'magic pencil' and now you are regretting the decision of giving him what wants. But in the end you get revenge.

If you want to be tagged just comment.

___________________________________________

You had left your Ipad and stylus on your desk in your room to go to the bathroom. As you do your business there is quite shuffling in your bedroom. So quite that you figured it was you imagining things.

You come out of the bathroom to see that your Ipad was turned off. You thought it just went o sleep. But when you push the on button it stayed dark. Now this made you uneasy, so you start looking for your stylus. It was gone.

Bucky pov

He sat in his closet clutching the weird pen thing that you draw on the tablet to his chest. He knew how much you loved to draw on your free time, but the both of you haven't send time with each other in awhile. He missed his friend and if he had to steal your beloved art wand...... He would.

He heard you stomp in the curse only to whip around and leave. He peeked into the hallway to see if he was clear. He sprinted for the training rooms.

Loki's pov

The browned haired man streaked by with a stick in his hand. He looked scared enough that Loki got up from the kitchen table and looked down the hall. When he turned around the soldier was gone down the hall.

Yn pov:

The damn moron didn't realize your 'wand' didn't work unless it was synced to a device. You watch him try to write on the white board in the training room. He didn't realize you were behind him. He grunts and scowls at the tool.

"She has the tech like Tony." He pauses and then looks at the white board. "He grabs a marker and starts writing.

Play pool with me!

He puts the marker up and turns to see you. "You could have asked."

"I have for the past week!"

"Well, you should really speak up when you do."

The man knew when he asked any of the Avengers to hang out with him, he gets shy and starts to mumble.

Side note:

Did he wake up with out his arm? Maybe. Did u hide it. No one knows. Let's just say he didn't sleep for two days looking for it.

___________________________________________

If you want to be tagged for the next fic I do comment. Same goes for requests. Also very sorry this is so short I did this while at work on break.

#bucky fanfic #james bucky buchanan barnes #bucky imagine #bucky x you #bucky x gender neutral reader #funny #loki crack #loki laufeyson #mcu loki #loki friggason #loki god of mischief #loki (marvel)

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blackbat05 · 2 years

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The Unblinking

Bucky x Reader

A/N: Wanna thank @wint3r-h3art and @crazycookiecrumbles for giving me amazing ideas that enabled me to bring the crack to the maximum😂 If there's an award for most crack writer please nominate me.

Notes: Bold is Bucky's account. SLIMS for the win!😆 Mentions of other Avengers.

Warnings: When you read this, you feel like you're doing crack.

“Good evening Antlers! Welcome to another podcast of Scott Lang investigates mysterious sightings or SLIMS.”

Scott’s cheery voice is amplified through your AirPods as you shuffled around the kitchen making your favourite snack.

“Boy, you Antlers are in for a spooky treat today! Yes, you guessed it - a mysterious sighting at THE Avenger compound! So grab your hot chocolates on this cold night and saddle up!”

Full time superhero, part time podcaster. Maybe he should add part time psychic for the sole reason of your Ant-Man mug clasped between your hands, piping with the aforementioned hot liquid.

Today’s story was going to be interesting.

“The story comes from none other than our beloved Avenger - Mr James Barnes or the White Wolf as many would be familiar with.” Scott had switched to a more business-like tone, getting the attention of many listeners, including you.

“Today’s story, is the mystery…”

Your breath hitches in anticipation.

“…of the giant penguin.”

What? You grabbed your phone to make sure you were listening to the right podcast and not Discovery Channel. The logo of Ant-Man’s helmet was still staring at you in the face. No mistakes there.

Scott sensed the incredulity radiating off from his thousands of listeners. Like the seasoned podcaster he is, Scott doesn’t leave room for doubt.

“Oh, I know what you’re thinking Antlers. But just indulge me on this one. I’ll be reading the account from Mr Barnes himself and I’ll be taking messages after to hear what are your thoughts.”

Taking a sip, you wrapped yourself in the blanket that you had dragged from your bedroom, ready to let Scott Lang take you down the rabbit hole…

***

The mission in Czechoslovakia didn’t help my already terrible sleeping patterns.

Sam and I were called to investigate a paranormal occurrence happening at the Hluboka Castle. I mean it’s like the Avengers are short on staff - couldn’t they have sent Stephen instead?

But no! God knows where he is piecing bits and pieces of some multiverse jargon and leaves us to deal with a potential mythical creature that could eat my brains alive. I’m not counting Sam’s because he barely has a brain. Anyways -

Turns out that mysterious caretaker who called it in WAS THE MONSTER.

He turned into some ugly blob with flippers for arms that could extend to twenty feet. Don’t even get me started on what was under those nasty wings - some toxic gas that leaves you weak and woozy.

I think Sam could tell that I was on the verge of abandoning him as tentacle tale started throwing him around like some kind of doll my sisters used to play with when they were just kids. I don’t think he liked it very much.

Thank god for Wong’s timely intervention - any longer and the Avenger clean up team would have to scrape both our remains off this old dingy castle.

Scott pauses over the podcast, giving the much needed dramatic effect. You leaned forward, eager for more. But first, marshmallows.

It was three in the morning - I knew because I went to take a piss. And perhaps paste a few more analgesic patches that my friend Yori recommended.

As I was walking back to my bedroom, I could hear the toilet flush by itself - and before you say anything, we don’t have automatic toilets after Ms Marvel’s and Par- I mean Spiderman’s April fool’s joke.

You snort, popping open the bag of marshmallows. Of course the two youngest Avengers would come up with something utterly out of this world that would even make Loki proud.

The whole place was dark so I thought maybe someone else used it right after me.

Then the cabinets in the toilet made a creaky noise and there was this loud slamming noise which couldn’t have been the wind. All the windows are usually shut at night.

Screw that mythical creature. Pretty sure I got doused by the toxin and didn’t even know it. I’m pretty sure it was just good old hallucinations.

I see a shadow down the hallway and it wasn’t a human shadow. It was way bigger than Thor himself and it had sticks for legs?

“Who’s there!”

You flinched, accidentally flicking the marshmallow into the mug.

That was a pretty dumb question and the only response I got was the sound of flapping. I could tell that it was coming closer as it got louder and louder. If only I wasn’t in my boxers.

The shadow starts to become more apparent and a penguin the size of my cabinet is staring straight at me down the dark hallway. A broken light flickers, and I see its unblinking eyes.

That furry beast tilts its large head slightly as if waiting for me to make my move and before I can actually do that, IT STARTS RUNNING TOWARDS ME.

I can’t remember what else I said and even if I did, Scott would have to censor it out. You're welcome, Scott.

I run down the many rooms, banging on any door I could find to at least prove to someone that I’m not crazy.

“Mr Barnes?”

Katy rubs her eyes as she exits her room, looking absolutely confused at the ruckus. “What’s going on?”

“DID YOU SEE THE CREATURE!” I grab her shoulders, forcing her to see the creature that was chasing me down the rooms.

Only to find an empty hallway.

“See what creature?” Katy is now looking at me like I’m some sort of madman. “I hate to break it to you dude, but I think you should see Bruce to get your head examined. If there’s nothing, I gotta hit the sack man - Shangqi and me have a mission tomorrow.” She closes the door in my face.

The flapping sound continues right after and I’m positive I’ve gone mad.

You know the movie <Us> ? I didn’t know until Sam made me watch it. Like that tethered family standing in the driveway, the penguin is just there. STANDING JUST RIGHT THERE.

No way I’m going to be that person who gets killed first in a horror movie just because I’m too dumb not to move.

So I run towards a spare room, locking all the doors including the sliding doors at the balcony . That beast isn’t going to get me.

The next morning, I get Bruce to check the surveillance and guess what?

There was NO PENGUIN. Stark made sure to equip the building with the most advanced cameras that could detect even the slightest movement. And there was no trace of it. AT ALL.

I didn’t see it after that day and Bruce said that there were no traces of toxin in my mind. But sometimes I can still feel someone staring at me…

***

“Well! There you have it folks!” Scott’s voice bought you back to your living room.

“What do you think about this… paranormal appearance that Mr Barnes described? Send in your thoughts to three thousand and I’ll read it right after the break!”

The door opens, revealing your slightly distressed boyfriend.

“Hey, how’s your- are you listening to Scott’s podcast?” He asks the obvious. You shrug, popping a few more marshmallows into your mouth.

“Gotta admit, man’s talented at story-telling. And so are you.”

“God not this again,” Bucky groans. “I can promise you that thing was very real and in the flesh!”

Perhaps Katy was right. The stress was getting to him.

Bucky being Bucky read your mind, his brows knitted into disapproval. “You don’t believe me do you.”

You had to stifle your giggles. “Of course I do Buck. It’s just that it’s been two weeks. Bruce said that even if the toxin had gotten to you, it would have been out of your super-soldier system by now. And that penguin is nowhere to be seen.” You approached the situation rationally to ease his nerves that were starting to bubble again.

"Now, remember those calming techniques you practiced at Ta Lo? Do you want to do that right now?"

Bucky nods, grateful for the idea. Once he was visibly settled, he decides to head for the showers, figuring that the warm water would help him calm down. You tell him that you would join him in the bedroom shortly.

Towel wrapped around his waist, Bucky steps out of the steaming bathroom, prepared to call it a night.

Dressed in his sleepwear, he walks towards the windows, hoping that the night itself would dispel his fears.

And he sees it.

Across the apartment building that you and Bucky shared, he sees that blasted penguin standing on the rooftop, staring at him yet again.

Bucky doesn't need to be told twice. He draws the curtain quickly while yelling your name.

"Babe, I'm telling you. This time it is real! Here see for yourself!" He draws the curtains open like you were a viewing a concert on Broadway.

Instead of that fearsome penguin, you were greeted by a billboard raising awareness of climate change, an image of a cute penguin with its mother swimming in the Arctic.

"You know what Buck? How about we sleep in the spare room today?" You suggested, not wanting to butt heads over the amazing disappearing act by the creature.

Bucky can only nod numbly, as he exits the room as quickly as he can with a knife in hand that he had plucked out from behind the bed.

***

Epilogue

"Did you get it?" The penguin suit starts to deflate, and Captain America himself steps out, grinning widely at the sheer thought of months of blackmail content. He's going to make sure that tin can remembers his mistake of abandoning him to a thousand-year-old demon.

"I think so." Shangqi squints, checking the camera. "Why am I even here? If James finds out he'll kill me and throw me to the coyotes!"

"Because if you don't I'll tell Katy that you purposely bailed on that mission involving Condiment King in Gotham City." Sam reminds him, nose crinkling in disgust. "Plus I can still smell mustard on my wings!"

"Not my fault that I had nausea from interdimensional traveling!"

#bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes #james buchanan barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader #bucky barnes crack fic #full of crack #mcu #marvel #so much crack #marvel cinematic universe

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