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liveontelevision · 4 days

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Suffer Pt. 3

Suffer Part 3 is here! I'm planning on having at least two more parts, I was not expecting this to become a whole thing but :') I gotta see it through now lol

When I say I love slowburn fics, I mean it dammit.

Disclaimer: This is my personal interpretation of the characters from Hazbin Hotel. I respect the canon storyline and characters, but this fic will stray from it a decent amount.

Check out Part one and Part two :)

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Holding a small, sleeping Charlie close to your chest, you swayed her back and forth. Your eyes fluttered shut, as you danced around the familiar nursery, humming the same tune you've used to calm her down for years. She was asleep. Safe and oblivious to any of the chaos around her. You envied her. With one final spin, you let your eyes open. Your arms were empty. She was gone. The comfortable weight of her tiny figure instantly went away. You panicked, the room you were in was shifted into something unfamiliar and uneasy. A source of light finally drew your eyes. A distant doorframe provides light, casting the silhouette of a tall, curvy woman. Her eyes were glowing.

“L-Lillith?” There were sounds of a baby crying out and the intimidating figure became far away, ceasing any light and drowning you in a darkness that you've felt before. Long ago.

A heavy knocking at your door forced you awake. As you sat up you went to wipe the sleep from your eyes, only now noticing the tears streaming from your face. Just a dream… The knock was louder and quicker this time, forcing a response out of you. “Gimme a minute! Fuck -” You roll out of your bed, going to turn off the radio on your nightstand. Having the radio on throughout the night was something Alastor suggested, obviously, after you confided in him about having a series of nightmares. His show is broadcast while you sleep, and when it isn’t, the radio static actually acts as a soothing white noise. It wasn’t a perfect solution, but it kept you from going insane in the least.

You finally approached the door, your body still wrapped in your large blanket that trailed across the floor. A cheerful, as always, Charlie stood at the door. She was quick to say good morning, but went straight to the point without letting you respond. She clearly practiced this.

“So! I know my dad's visit a few weeks ago was a liiittle… Tense? But - uh, I was wondering if you two talked yet..? By chance?” She spoke like she would be scolded for saying the wrong thing. You shook your head, still slowly blinking awake.

“Well - okay! I was just asking because he.. keeps.. asking about you…” she held her phone out to you, letting you scroll through some of the messages he’s been sending her. You chuckle at first, he can't text for shit. But she was right. Ever since you blew him off that day, he's been asking Charlie how you've been and what you've been up to.

“I mean, I love my dad and it's awesome he's finally talking to me again, but - I don't know, if it's not too much to ask, could you maybe just.. talk to him?” Charlie rubbed the back of her neck awkwardly, and her words broke your heart a little. It's cruel of him to try and reach out to you that way, put Charlie through that distress, but maybe you could've handled your last encounter with more care.

How could you say no to her?

“Yeah, i’ll talk to him, Charlie. Don't worry.” A yawn interrupted your sentence, but you still sent her a reassuring smile as she finally relaxed her shoulders.

“That’s great! I’ll just give him your number!” She planned outloud, turning away to head down the hall.

“Charlie- “ You called out, “He loves you, you know that, right? Don’t forget that.” Charlie’s smile drooped for a second, then quickly picked back up. She nodded as she left your view.

With a yawn, your body still not registering that you were awake or what you had agreed to, you went to shut your door. It didn't click like it usually does, so you turned to see the blockage - Alastor. He'd stuck his foot in the door to prevent it from closing entirely.

“Good morning, my dear!” his voice was booming, as he threw his arms out in a dramatic flare, your door swinging open.

Nope, you were too tired for this.

“Fuck, Al, can't this wait ‘til I'm at least dressed?” You tossed your blanket aside, rummaging through your drawers to cover the little silky tank top and pajama shorts you had borrowed from Angel during your first nights at the hotel. Maybe it was your sleep depravity, or just the fact that Alastor has made it a habit to be extra kind to you since you arrived, but you didn't mind him seeing you in sleepwear. He had no ill intent, as far as you knew.

“Unfortunately, it cannot! I heard you're going on a little outing with the king! How exciting~” He hummed, sitting at the edge of your bed as you cover yourself with your sweater. You plop down next to him, still wiping your eyes. He reached out, swiping his thumb across the apple of your cheek. Looking down at his hand, swiping your tears across his fingers, he met your suddenly embarrassed gaze.

“Another rough night, dear?” You weren't sure how he knew that's what that was from, but you nodded anyway.

“Just another nightmare, it's fine. They're always about Charlie and - the mistakes I made when I was taking care of her.. I guess it still kind of bugs me.” He let out a pitied hum, as he stood to turn your radio back on. He tuned it to some old timey jazz music before resting his hands behind his back. You didn't know it could play music..

“Well, it seems that meeting with that royal menace may not be the wisest choice. Wouldn't you agree?” You looked down before letting a sigh slip from your tired lips.

“It's fine, I can handle myself. Besides, he keeps bugging Charlie and I - I feel like I owe her..”

you shake your head, standing to your feet and beckoning Alastor out of your room.

“It's fine! It's just a quick visit, I won't be gone long.” He took your hand give it a quick kiss, a reassuring smile on his face.

“Well, if he does anything to hurt you, love -” love? “- I'll be right there to help.” He emphasized the end of his sentence with a quick tap on your nose before leaving your room. The music faded back into static as soon as he left.

You heard stories about their fight, plus you could hear their aggressive duet from your room that day, but you believed him either way. You had no doubt he could swoop in and save the day if you needed it. You wondered why people seemed so wary around him. He was a perfect gentleman to you, even with all the warnings you've gotten from Husk and Vaggie.

He had you wrapped around his finger.

You didn't think you would stress about what to wear. You hadn't even made plans yet, but all of sudden, you worried about what he would think of your clothes if he saw you. Charlie sent you his number, so it was on you to reach out. You ignored it for now. You’d ignore it forever if it would keep these feelings from resurfacing. Finally deciding on an outfit, just a black turtleneck that left your arms bare and a skirt that hugged your curves in a lovely way. Even if it probably wasn't the easiest skirt to bend over in, you decided it would do.

A lot of your clothes were hand me downs or were lent to you by either Angel, Vaggie or Charlie. None of it was truly your size, but you had no problem adding in some extra panels or cutting things to your liking. The sweater you grabbed previously was actually gifted to you by Alastor. You had no idea why he would give it to you, a simply red cardigan with a soft knit, but it quickly became your favorite accessory. Pulling up the collar, you buried your nose into the knitting, taking a soft breath in. It always smelled of whiskey and honey, no matter how often you washed it.

You went through your day like normal, followed along with some exercises Charlie was running and taking a quick trip to Cannibal Town with Alastor, something you did every now and then. It started off with him accompanying you to the bakery, where you would occasionally lend a hand, then he would split off to spend the afternoon with Rosie. As time went on, he would ask you to join him.. It was intimidating at first, but Rosie was nothing but a sweetheart, you had no problem fitting in with the two.

when you returned to the hotel, you finally mustered the courage to call Lucifer. With a quick pep-talk to yourself, you held your breath before bringing the phone to your ear. He picked up immediately.

“Hell- Erm.. uhh.. Shit, how do I -” Did he realize he answered the call?

“Helloo? Lucifer here - speaking! Who-who’s this..?” He knew who it was. You assumed this was just him trying to be casual. He wasn't very good at it.

“Lucifer - It’s me.. can we talk?” You were gripping the end of your sleeve nervously with your free hand.

“Yes! Yes, of course! When are you free? We can.. figure something out, right?” You could hear him tripping over himself, kicking things around, and something that sounded like a squeaky-toy being stepped on? His excitement made you giggle. Even with pulling your phone away to try and prevent your laughter coming through, he was losing his mind on the other end of the call. It felt like a nostalgic punch to the gut. He didn't realize how much he missed your laughter until now.

“I guess i’m free whenever.. Charlie doesn't like doing exercises on the weekend, so -” A breeze hit your face, blowing all your hair past your shoulders. Looking to the source, a golden edged portal had opened right in the middle of the hallway. A fidgeting Lucifer was standing with his hands behind his back, a nervous but excited looking grin across his face. You looked down to your phone, seeing the call was still going, then spotted his phone sitting on a table behind him. You let out the smallest huff, before hanging up and tucking your phone away.

“Missed me?” He said suavly, wiggling his eyebrows at you. God, you did. You couldn't admit that though. Your anger, guilt and nerves overshadowed any joy that he may have brought under different circumstances.

“Yeah, let’s not get ahead of ourselves.” You rolled your eyes, beginning to step towards the portal. He reached his hand out to you, and he noticed you hesitating. “it’s uh- it’s a little bit of a drop if you step through the - um.. just.. wanted to -” you took his hand that he almost retracted, and carefully stepped over the border of the portal. You tried to keep your mind from noticing how your hand perfectly fit in his.

Static filled your core as you left the hotel, but before you could turn and see if Alastor was nearby, the portal had shut and the static ceased.

If he does anything to hurt you, I'll be right there.

Alastor's words rung through your head one last time. You finally met Lucifer eyes after literal decades.

“Um.. Tea?” Lucifer was fiddling with his ring again. Years ago, it was something you noticed he did whenever he was nervous. You nodded and watched as he conjured up everything needed to brew hot tea.

“What, you don't use any of the servants for that? Not even some angelic magic?” Small talk felt like it could make this moment less awkward. As he poured the already heated water into two teacups, he simply shook his head.

“Angelic power is great and all, but nothin’ beats fresh tea.” His smile was so sweet. You nervously balled up the sleeve of your sweater into your hand and brought it to your nose, breathing in the same sent that always seemed to calm you.

“And.. I- ahem.. I ended up finding other places for most of the staff after..” he said it quietly, unable to call attention to his missing spouse. Definitely a touchy subject for both of you. You finally looked around, realizing you recognized the tea room. It was small, but was walled in entirely with windows. It had a great view of the little garden that used to be brimming with difigured, yet beautiful, greenery. You took another look around the room, the nostalgia wearing off, taking in the dust and trash that was collected in the corners. The garden had died off as well. It wasn't completely unslightly, but the mess didn't make sense for a royal manor.

His words finally hit you.

“Found other places? What does that even mean?” You could feel your blood boil, watching him place the tea bags in each cup. You calmed for a moment, seeing that his hands were shaking.

“I just found places for them to work, is all. Sent the stylists to that Velvette girl in Pentagram City, some of the cooks went down to the Glutton Ring, ya know. Stuff like that. I wanted them to be taken care of.” He passed the cup to you, then pulled out one of the two chairs at the small table sitting in the center of the room.

“I just wanted to take care of them..since, I-I couldn't do that for you..” His voice was low, and when you attempted to look at his face he would sip from his cup or turn away. Don't be worried about him. He doesn’t deserve that. It was all so long ago, it doesn't matter. Remember why you're here.

“Good for them. Now, I'm here because you're bugging Charlie. Stop asking about me idiot, she's gonna think something’s wrong.” You placed your half empty cup down. He choked on his drink at your words, not realizing that you had seen the poorly written texts that he was sending to Charlie.

“And nothing is wrong. Right?” Lucifer scratched the back of his neck nervously, then opened his mouth as if to say something. He didn't. He simply nodded at first.

“Y-Yup, right.. Everything's fine. l'll stop asking about you.” You went to stand, brushing the wrinkles from your skirt off as you did. That's that. You came here to get Lucifer to stop bugging Charlie and that's what you did. There's no other reason for you to -

“Wait, please..!” His hand took a hold of yours, as he almost stumbled out of his chair to keep you from walking off. “I just want to say - “

“ - no you don't have to. It was a long time ago. Everyone makes mistakes, right?” You tried your best to keep your cool, but clearly it wasn't working. He winced at your words, releasing his hold on you.

“I have no excuse. I can't make it all go away, I still feel - “ he clasped his hand to his chest, struggling to figure out what he's trying to say.

“I'm sorry. I don't need you to forgive me, but please know, that I am sorry.” The room went silent, with your back towards him, the only thing you could hear was the beating of your own heart. Lucifer didn't know what to do, until the silence was broken by a pathetic little sniffle.

Dammit, not again. Don't let him get to you. Keep your walls up.

He quickly approaches you, his hands hovering over your shoulder, as if you’d shatter if he touched you.

“Nono, please, I -uhh.. I'll leave Charlie alone! I'll stop talking to you, I'll leave you alone if -”

With a quick turn, finally faced him. Letting out a breath you'd been holding in for far too long, you rush towards him with the intent to meet him with a long overdue embrace. The sudden leap left him staggering backwards, tripping over nothing and bringing both of you to the floor. “Don't you dare! H-How could you.. why would think that's what I want..?” Your words were muffled into his shoulder, since he had placed a hand over your head to protect you from the fall. Not even acknowledging that you were suddenly sitting on the floor between his legs, he finally managed to process your words. It took him a moment to even try and reciprocate the hug. He hadn’t been touched like this for years, it nearly overwhelmed his senses.

“ I want to know what happened that night! I want to know how you feel, or I guess felt, about me.. I dont care if it hurts, please tell me the truth..” all of the questions you've been asking yourself for years suddenly spilled out.

You felt absolutely pathetic, relying on him to tell you everything okay. But fuck, you needed this. Even if you never talk to him again after this, you needed some kind of closure.

“Woah- that's uh.. that's alot to drop on guy.. Uhm…” It wasn't like he didn't want to admit what he was feeling. With the relationship he had with Lillith, he had just become accustomed to not talking about himself much. That being said, with one look Into your teary eyes, he was all yours. He carefully took your hands from around his waist and held them in his own. He gently traced his thumbs along the top of your hands, letting you calm down before he went on.

“I.. I think about you all the time, I always have. I don't know what I would've done differently that night, but I'd do anything to take it back. To fix it..” The sweet smile on his face barely made his words sound better.

“I don't understand, Lucifer.” Your voice was quiet, and cracked a bit when his name passed your lips. You saw him jolt slightly, hearing his own name through your sweet, yet saddened voice.

“Well, I guess..Li-Lillith and I-” You both winced at the mention of her name. “- we weren't what everyone expected of us. And you were one of the only demons to know that. She- ugh.. I don’t know she left without a word, without a note - I have no idea where she went.” You felt like you were getting let in on a secret that he had been keeping for years. And maybe that's exactly what was happening. Your face went pale, your head swaying slightly, Lucifer took a hold of your arms and helped you stand, guided you back to your seat.

“It's not because of me, is it?” You said quietly, as if Lillith was just around the corner, ready to scold the two of you. Again.

“No! No, geez, if it has anything to do with you, then I'm to blame. Don't worry.” He still smiled at you, his face becoming strained after grinning for so long, then placed a hand over yours.

“Don't worry? Yeah! That shouldn't be too hard.. you idiot.” You rolled your eyes, but didn't pull away at his touch.

“I'll get straight to the point then, if you think I'm such a clown -” you couldn't help but grin at his self deprecating humor, and he's so relieved to see your smile.

“With you being in Charlie's life again, I'd like to.. I don't know, clear the air? Try and patch things up..?” You went to deject the idea, but he went on before you could.

“I know it won't be easy, and it's okay if it doesn't work out. But we all used to have so much fun together.. I think right now, it could be good for Charlie, and me, to have someone like you around.. I want you back in my life.” His little spiel seemed scripted up until that last part. Your heart throbbed. You were known to always decline help from people, avoid handouts, but the rush you felt hearing Lucifer say he needs you, you were almost swooning.

“Besides, we've both grown up! Moved on- Right? I have all of Hell to keep an eye on, and you've got your little boyfriend back at the hotel so -” You wasted no time in correcting him. The idea of him thinking you had moved on with another demon made you panic for some reason you would never admit to. Why did he think you had a boyfriend? Who would -

“Al?? Oh no, it's not like that, I swear. He's just been a good friend to me since I went to the hotel, is all.”

“Al, huh?” He grumbled, leaning back in his seat ans crossing his arms over his chest. The warmth he left on your hand was immediately missed.

“Alastor, you know. The.. um.. You met him.” You held the sleeve of your sweater to your nose again, allowing the sweet air into your lungs. Fuck, he couldnt take his eyes off of you. He never wanted to take his eyes off of you, again. You just looked so pure in your little sweater.

But, that sweater.. something seemed off about it to Lucifer. He could feel some strange energy emitting off of it. It didn't come off as dangerous, but it definitely left him feeling uneasy. Like a headache that's just barely there, suffocating his thoughts. He's felt that before. It clouded his actions and judgements during his fight with-

“Hey, uh.. Be careful around that deer guy, will you? He seems pretty intimidating. Not to me, of course, but you know. Just in case.”

“Just in case of what?” You leaned forward, with your elbows on the table, propping your chin up. “Are you jealous?”

“Wha-What?? Of course not, I'm the king of Hell, I obviously trump him in every aspect.” There it was. There was that cocky, little bundle of nerves you used to know all those years ago. Everything finally hit you with the lost time, seeing that side of him.

“Lucifer, I missed so much. I wanted to be there for her, for Charlie.. I know I was just a babysitter, but there was so much more I wanted to do, so many things I wish I could've seen with her. With you, too.” You placed your hand overtop of his, just as he did to you earlier. He obviously wasn't expecting the reciprocation, flinching slightly at your touch.

“I guess I get what you're saying.. about taking that day back? That maybe if I didnt attack you the way I did, that I could be there longer. But… I was in love, Lucifer.” He stifled any giggles at the idea that you considered that kiss an attack, but nothing mattered after what you had said. He immediately flushed in the face at your words.

“In love..?” He barely whispered the words, his eyes sparkling. He felt a stabbing sensation in his chest, a familiar one, but still one that he hadn't felt in years.

“Yeah.. hm, it would've happened sooner or later, I think. I think I would've done it at some later point, if it didnt happen then.. I guess I'm just glad I left before Charlie could remember me. It all worked out, so - I guess what i’m saying is - we can try. Let's try being friends, again.”

What a bittersweet resolution.

“Okay. I'd like that.” He was fighting off any unwanted feelings. Burying any ideas to just profess that he felt the same way, and that he still does. That he wants to pick back up right where you left off. That he barely kept the longing, of feeling your lips against his, at bay. No matter how hard that was, things were looking up. Don’t blow it, Lucifer.

You chatted for a little while longer. You told him about your struggles after you were fired, all your interactions in Cannibal Town, the good and bad, then your eventual arrival at the hotel. The conversation lightened a bit, as you told stories about Charlie, giving him a much needed update on how she was doing when she wasn't stressing about a visit from him. You went on, talking about the other residents that he didnt have a chance to interact with last time. Obviously, that part of the conversation went into heavy detail about Alastor and all his little gifts and kindness.

Before you noticed, Lucifer held the edges of his chair, his hands gripping tightly into the metal at every little sigh or giggle you'd make in reference to something Alastor did. He'd dismiss it as jealousy for now. But that didn't stop him from rerunning that one moment in his mind. The moment where he was holding you. Touching the small of your back, just like how he used to.

The way you stood so close to him, that he could wrap his slender arm completely around your waist, and the confidence in your dismissal of Luficer's general presence. It was commendable, no matter the subject, he loved seeing your more confident side. Your words still hurt. The topic eventually came up.

“Oh god, Lucifer! I'm so sorry, I almost forgot about that.. I didnt mean anything, that was completely rude of me to treat you like that. I felt something come over me, seeing your face again, I just - I don't know, it was probably just some repressed rage? I'm sorry.” He quickly waved his hands, offering you reassurance in your actions, admitting that he felt he deserved it after everything.

“Don't say that, I was out of line. What you did to me doesn't excuse my actions.” You admitted. Was forgiveness possible in this situation? He had pushed the possibility so far down in his mind that a mutual respect seemed like an unachievable goal. And any reciprocated feelings were merely a dream.

This felt like a dream.

You asked how he was. He didn't hear that question often, so he didn't really answer with fun stories or anything exciting. His mind went into autopilot after you left. And after Lillith left, a lot of memories seemed suppressed. You asked about Charlie. He was worried you'd do that.

“Well- She uh.. went through her whole teenage phase, you know, goth makeup, boyfriends, a bunch of stuff she grew out of. She spent more time with.. her m-mother, though.. as she got older. But hey! Here she is now, doing the whole hotel thing, I'm very proud of her.” He nodded, clearly ready to move off the topic. But you weren’t.

“She looked up to you, you know. A lot. Oh man, she would cry for you all the time, constantly try to get into your workshop - as cute as it was, I wasn't ready to chase her down all the time. And i’d say she still looks up to you, Lucifer. You inspired her, I can tell.” You swayed the backwash of your tea in your cup, the pot was emptied long ago. Looking up, you see a trembling smile then watch him exhale a shaky sigh.

“Thank you.” He said softly. You couldn't stop yourself from leaning towards him a bit, after placing your cup down with a small clink.

Stop, Don't do this again.

Things might be different this time, but it can only go wrong in some other way, you were sure of it. Still, he leaned in as well. As you got closer, ready to shut your eyes to the reality and just let your fantasies take over, he reeled back, cover his nose and mouth with his hand. You jumped back, clearly embarrassed. He wouldnt call attention to it, leaving you to wonder what went wrong, but the scent from the sweater. It was disgusting to him.

“O-Okay, good catch up. I should get going, I - umm.. I promised Charlie I'd help her with something, so..” That was a lie. But if you spent another moment in that room with him alone, you'd have no control over what happened next.

“Oh.. right. Here -” He rose from his chair and opened the portal back up, leading to the same hallway you were in before. Turning back to him as he approached you, neither of you really said goodbye. Neither of you wanted to say goodbye. After an awkward exchange of trying to figure out if this should end with a handshake, a wave, a kiss - nope not that one. a kiss would be too much. But a hug?

Lucifer carefully placed his arms around you, encasing you close to his chest. He could feel your heart rate increase. The scent of your cardigan you wore overwhelmed him, but he refused to let go after feeling your arms lay comfortably around the back of his waist.

Good lord, this man hadn't gotten any in centuries. it took all of his strength to not trail his hands underneath that damned sweater and pull it off of you, feeling his way up your torso, sliding just the clawed tips of his fingers under your shirt until you -

“Lucifer?” Your words were mumbled, your face pressed against his chest after he had tightened his grip.

“Hoof- sorry.” He quickly pulled away. You immediately missed the touch, but it was definitely for the best. For both of you.

“Well, Thanks for coming by.. you have my number..? Right! Call me whenever you want, I'm not busy-” Sure. The king of Hell wasn't busy. He just didn't want to admit that he’d drop anything he was doing if it meant hearing your voice. You nodded your head, taking a firm grip on his hand as you stepped carefully out of the portal and back into the hotel.

“I'll see you, Lucifer.” You said sweetly, he visibly melted at your words.

“I hope so.” With a quick wave, the portal cinched shut.

---

Alastor stood in the hallway, right where the portal had closed, greeting you with a stretched smile.

“Darling! How was your little visit? I wasn't expecting him to sweep you off your feet so soon, I hope it went well.” He approached you, tapping his microphone to the ground and leaning into you.

“You never called for me, I’m hoping he didn’t hurt you. Again.” His voice crackled and a high pitch ring made you cover your ears for a moment.

“No, Alastor, it was good! We're gonna try and work things out, see if we can be friends again. I think it went the best it could, if you ask me.” You hummed with a sense of confidence, strolling dwon the hall with Alastor following beside you. You didn't notice his eye twitch and his ears folding back at the mention of his full name. He was losing you.

“Just be careful, dear! We don’t want you to make any mistakes again, do we?” He had no idea what he was talking about. Right? You hadn’t told him anything.

“Well, it’s about time I run some of my errands. Let me know if I can be of service to you.” A signature greeting for you at this point, Alastor reaches for your hand and presses another kiss across your knuckles. He looks up at you the way he usually does, but he let his lips linger for just a moment longer. Shutting his eyes for a moment, he tilted your hand to place his nose against the sleeve of your gifted sweater, inhaling the scent and exhaling with a hum.

“R-right, I will. Thanks.” You pulled away from his grasp, his eyes suddenly shooting open. You pulled away from him. That hasn't happened before. He wasn't nervous, exactly. But he did disappear into his shadow, which darted down the hall in the blink of an eye, leaving you with nothing but innocent curiosity.

♡ ♡ ♡

To be continued! Stay Tuned ;)

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thef1diary · 9 months

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Don’t Go | C. Sainz

Summary: You and Carlos broke up over a month ago, however he doesn't want it to stay that way.

Warnings: angst, toxic relationship if you squint

word count: 2.2k

pairing: carlos x fem!reader

"You know what, that's it. We're done!" You yelled at your boyfriend who was blatantly ignoring you while getting dressed for a work event. You didn't even wait for a response from him, mainly because you knew you weren't going to get one. You weren't the type of person to create a scene but your anger got to you. Slamming the door to your shared apartment, you kept telling yourself that you'll be fine without him while tears streamed down you cheeks.

One month later:

It turned out that you were fine without him, mainly because you haven't seen him yet. Carlos had a triple header coming up when you broke up with him, so you knew that he would be too busy anyways which meant you weren't expecting a text or phone call after your dramatic—but much needed—exit from his apartment.

It obviously hurt to leave him, after all you were together for four years. But what hurt more was that he didn't even care that you left. Despite how hectic race weekends could be, you thought that you had at least some sort of importance in his life to at least deserve a phone call.

During that one month, you thought about the four years you spent together and wondered where it went wrong. Carlos was an amazing, loving boyfriend. You understood each other, respected each other, and you truly loved him.

There were moments when he would be extremely stressed out due to his racing results and you completely understood that. The thing was, he would come to you to talk about it all. He would lay his head against your chest and you would play with his hair while he was would tell you everything.

However, the Carlos you knew then was nothing like the one you broke up with. He was distant, cold, and made you feel like you didn't mean anything to him.

You were currently out with your friend at a club because she made it her mission to help you move on. Obviously that meant finding someone else for a night to help you forget about everything but you didn't want that. In fact, you two had been out for a few hours now but you were still completely sober. You were moving on. Not forgetting about it, but accepting the truth. Or at least you thought you were.

You watched as your friend was dancing freely, without a care in the world and you wished that you could be like her. The temptation of wanting to drink was strong, but you restrained yourself because you didn't want to wake up with a hangover. Plus, drinking wasn't your thing. What you needed right now was a cigarette and a lighter, both of the things already in your pocket.

You silently communicated with your friend when she looked at you, telling her that you are going to step out for a moment. You stood in the alleyway where you saw two people making out further away. Turning away from them, you lit a cigarette. Sure this habit was bad, but it could be a lot worse. You weren't a heavy smoker but you always had a pack on you, just in case.

The air was chilly which made the smoke you inhaled feel a lot better than it usually would. The warmth radiating through your body was inviting.

You heard the back door open but didn't face it, thinking the couple went back in. You smelt his cologne before you saw him, and instantly the memories rushed back. Although, you doubted that he knew it was you.

You were right, because he tapped your shoulder and asked for a cigarette. When you turned to face him, he looked quite surprised. He looked good, of course he did, there were rarely any bad days for him. His hair was slightly messy due to the wind outside, and his outfit was quite casual.

He said your name to bring back your attention towards him. You passed him the pack and he commented, "thought you stopped."

"I did." You simply said, implying that you started again after your breakup. You'd still carry a pack on you even though you never touched it, but now things were different.

He nodded, standing beside you while you puffed out smoke. "Thought you didn't smoke." You commented to which he replied, "I didn't."

You could read the implication as well, but you didn't think that he'd ever indulge in this bad habit. He would always tell you to stop, joking around that he will live longer than you.

You didn't like this silence, nor did you want to talk to him. You initially thought that he'd say something, anything. But this silence was deafening.

Throwing the remnants of the cigarette, you turned around to leave but you remembered something so you stopped, "I still have to pick up my stuff, text me a time you're free so I can come by."

The night that you left in anger, you didn't take your keys belonging to your shared apartment, which meant you had to wait for him to be home so you could pick up your stuff.

——

He followed through on your request and texted you a few hours after your last conversation, telling you to come by whenever because he'd be home for the week.

So here you were, standing in front of the main door to the apartment you once called yours. He opened it after a few knocks, and you had to take a deep breath before you entered. It's finally time to get through this, no matter how painful it may be.

The apartment was exactly the same as you left it, if not messier. "Sorry, I didn't really have the time to clean up." He told you, but you shrugged, "it's okay. I'm not going to be here for too long."

There was a awkward tension between you two, and you decided to act civilized, the least you could do to make your time spent here easier. "How was Spain?" You asked, knowing that his home race was the most recent one. You've always attended his home race, so it felt weird that you weren't there this time.

"It was good, got second place." He said, and you didn't have the guts to tell him that you watched the race, seeing him celebrate with his teammate who won. You also saw the trophy that was undoubtedly new, sitting on the shelf among his others.

If you two were together, you'd surely celebrate his race with other friends and family and even more when you two would've gotten home that night. But that's something that will never happen now.

Walking towards your bedroom, the same one you and Carlos shared, you started gathering your things. Either Carlos didn't want to remove your things or he didn't have the time to do so. For your peace of mind, you are hoping the second reason is true.

You had brought an empty suitcase with you, and while you were filling it up with your clothes, his voice made you pause, "don't go." He was leaning against the doorframe, watching you pack up all your stuff and then planning on leaving this apartment without any trace of your relationship behind.

"You should've said that a month ago," you were quick to respond without even looking up at him. Which is why you didn't see him walking closer and crouching down. He held your hand to stop you from folding your clothes, making you look at him.

"I should've said a lot more a month ago, but is too late to say it now?" He asked as he moved his hand up, placing it on your cheek.

For a moment, you let yourself get lost in his eyes. Mainly because it reminded you of the good times of your relationship, before everything went wrong.

Carlos took your lack of response to continue, "you know, I miss you" those words broke you out of your trance, "I miss the old you" you responded, making him realize the consequences to his actions.

You moved his hand away, returning back to the task at hand. "Can we please talk about this?" He asked, making you sigh. "I'm sorry Carlos, I don't think that's a good idea." You shook your head.

"Why not? It was a bit extreme no, you just walked out on me."

"Like I said, it's been a month. If you wanted to stop me or talk about it then you should've called me or at least make the effort to contact me. But you didn't, and that's exactly why we're over now." You tried to keep yourself in control, watching your tone. You didn't want to leave this apartment while arguing again.

"I was busy with the races you know that-" he tried to reason but you were quick to stop him. "And that's the problem Carlos, you were busy. You've gotten so busy nowadays that I barely see you. There have been times where I had to wait weeks before I could see you again, and even then all you're talking about is the next upcoming race."

He opened his mouth to say something but you didn't let him and continued, "I get it, it's your career, it's something you've wanted since you were a child. But if your career is that important for you that you can't even spend any time with me, then there's no point of a relationship." You concluded.

You could see when realization hit him, knowing that things won't be the same anymore. You would feel bad but he wasn't there to console you when you felt like that either. You almost scoffed at the idea of him thinking that everything between you could work out.

"You're really choosing to throw away the four years we spent together?"

"I really didn't want to. Trust me, I really, really didn't want this. But I am tired of being the only one holding our relationship together. In the past year, I have seen no efforts from your side." You were brutally honest with him, and despite his expressions saying otherwise, he needed to hear this.

He held your hands again, "don't do this."

"Carlos, why don't you understand. For lack of better words, I'm freeing you from this. You don't have to worry about calling, texting, or even seeing me." The words you were saying out loud were tearing your heart apart and you had no doubt that if Carlos still loves you, he'd feel the same.

"If you think you're not gonna see me or hear from me again, you're wrong. You will see me, and you will damn well hear from me again." Carlos' mood shifted.

"No-" you began but he cut you off. "You've said your part, now hear me out. If you think I stopped loving you for even a moment, you're wrong. And I know you still love me too. If you didn't, you would completely ignore me and not try to convince me why our break up is a good idea. Although it sounds like you're trying to convince yourself rather than me."

You opened your mouth but no words came out because you were speechless. "You think I didn't have a single thought about you while I was away? You're wrong. You're the only person I thought about, you occupied my mind every second of every day for the entire month."

"If you really want to try this whole breakup thing out, sure go ahead. Walk out of my life like you did a month ago, but this time I am not letting you go. If you think you are not going to see any effort from me, again sorry but you're wrong."

"I am so sorry for everything I've done or haven't done for the past year and truly I have no excuse for my actions. But you, darling, are the best thing that has ever happened to me."

You know what Carlos expects you to say. He wants you to forget about it all and go back to how you two were before. But at the same time, he is challenging you to leave, and you never backed down from a challenge before and you won't start now. As much as you love him, you need actions not words.

"You claim to love me right?" You ask and he nods.

You zip up your suitcase and stand up. "I am going to leave, and you will let me. You say that you'll prove it to me, so until I don't see you taking actions for your words, I am not coming back."

He still looks taken aback, clearly not expecting you to do this. But he settles his emotions and nods, "you can leave, but I'm not letting you go."

Carlos is also the type to accept the challenge, and he will do anything to earn your love again. After all, he never wanted to break up, in fact, he wanted to make you his wife. So if he has to work for that, he will.

#f1 #formula 1 #f1 fanfic #f1 fic #f1blr #f1 imagine #f1 x reader #f1 fandom #carlos sainz #carlos sainz x reader #carlos sainz angst #thef1diary fic

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imagineredwood · 3 months

Text

“I don’t always need you to fix everything. I just— sometimes I just want you to listen."

Request: “I don’t always need you to fix everything. I just— sometimes I just want you to listen." for angel or ez

Pairing: EZ Reyes x female reader

Warnings: Angst, friend breakup, tears

Word count: 868

A/N: This one is also self-indulgent after how this year has gone

"Where the hell is she?"

EZ grumbled to himself as he wandered around the house. He'd woken up and had to pee, finding that the bed beside him was empty. Naturally, he thought that you had beat him there, expecting to walk into the bathroom and find you peeing in the dark, but it was empty. He'd gone out to the hallway then and rasped out your name, only to get no response. It had confused him greatly. Surely you hadn't gone anywhere. He went back into the room and grabbed his phone checking to see if he had any notifications. No texts. No missed calls. Nothing from either the club or you saying that there was some emergency where you would've had to leave. His brows were knitted as he walked back down the hall, checking the living room. Sometimes when you couldn't sleep you would come to the living room and watch your favorite movie, not wanting the light or sound of the TV in the bedroom to bother him. When he got there though, he found the TV off and the couch empty. He was worried now, going to the front door and looking out the window. Your car was still parked out front, so where the hell were you.

It was the light moving around outside on the patio that caught his attention. Walking over he saw you sitting there on the outdoor sofa, cuddled up into a blanket with a cup of tea, scrolling on your phone. He opened the door and walked out to join you, shivering at the cool chill that shocked his bare torso. You smiled softly as you looked at him. It was dark, but not dark enough that he couldn't see how fake it was. He lifted your blanket-covered leg up and then sat down, putting them to rest on top of his lap.

"What's the matter, baby?"

He ran his hand comfortingly over your legs as he watched you shrug.

"Just couldn't sleep."

Your voice was nasally and the slight sniffle you gave at the end of your sentence confirmed.

"Why are you crying? What's wrong? Talk to me."

You shrugged again and let out a small, watery laugh.

"Just sad. Thinking about her again."

EZ sighed and rubbed your legs more comfortably. The falling out with your best friend had been hard on you, especially because it was more her drifting away. You had always been there for her through thick and thin, been her shoulder to cry on when she needed it, given her all of yourself. And then just like that she'd gotten a new best friend and had left you in the wind. You had EZ still, of course, but it wasn't the same. She had been your best friend, not a secret or unsaid thing between the two of you. You both were attached at the hip, two peas in a pod, and just like that you had been replaced.

"It's like...how do you just move on from someone that you said you loved so much? How do you just change them out? Like it's nothing?"

You shook your head and EZ saw the tears begin to flow again in the moonlight.

"Sometimes people just grow apart, babe. They change and life starts to-"

You shook your head almost furiously, a few tears slinging off of your face and onto his chest.

"Don't. Please don't do that."

EZ squinted, not knowing what it was that he was doing.

“I don’t always need you to fix everything. I just— sometimes I just want you to listen."

EZ's heart clenched. He was a fixer. That's what he was known for. All quick thinking and sharp solutions. He prided himself on that. On being able to fix things. But that wasn't what you need right now, and he was going to respect that. He nodded and squeezed your knee, eyes on you as he apologized.

"I'm sorry. I just want to help; find a way to ease your pain. But I understand. I'll be a better listener. I promise. Go on."

You smiled tearfully and placed your hand atop his, squeezing.

"I just wish that she cared more. Cared as much as I did. And do. I guess that's why I'm crying. I can't just write her off. No matter how much I say I'm going to stop thinking about it and stop letting it bother me, I can't. Some days it's easy and I can but then I see something or hear something and it brings me back. I just want to feel better about it. And crying makes me feel better sometimes. So I came out here to cry."

You shrugged and EZ had to swallow down all the urges to intervene. Instead, he nodded and reached forward to wipe away your tears.

"You're right to feel upset and abandoned. Your feelings are valid."

You chuckled sadly and then took in a long shaky breath, using your fists to wipe at your eyes.

"I feel better. And I'm tired."

He uncovered you and helped you stand, taking your face in his hands and kissing your forehead.

"Well let's get you to bed then."

General taglist

@piccasoe @ateliefloresdaprimavera @gemini0410 @woahitslucyylu @my-rosegold-soul @that-chick212 @everyhowlmarksthedead @glimmerglittergirl @fanaticfangurl21 @encounterthepast @svintsandghosts @starrynite7114 @destynelseclipsa @queenbeered @iamthegraham @emoengelfurleben @otomefromtheheart @rosieposie0624 @papa-geralt-of-cirilla @beeroses @weirdosandhopelessromantics @kola95 @black-repunzel99 @xonickibaby @cruzwalters @myakai13 @mrsstevenbuchananstark @lyly00 @kaystacks17 @cole-winchester @alexxavicry @savagemickey03 @fanfic-n-tabulous @gangstaliciou06

Mayans MC taglist

@dazzledamazon @abunnykisses @briana-mishell24 @wrcn9fvlcver @thesandbeneathmytoes @krysiewithak @appropriate-writers-name @blessedboo @megapeacelovemusic-blog @emoengelfurleben @blowmymbackout @abby-splace @kola95 @black-repunzel99 @redpoodlern @myakai13

@cruzwalters @danimals1096 @po3ticb3auty @lyly00 @im-just-a-mississippi-girl @angel-121 @fanfic-n-tabulous @90sisthenew80s @lovelytricia @librarian1002

#imagines #mayans mc #ez reyes x reader #ez reyes #mayans imagine

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acourtofthought · 1 year

Text

It's just a thought and I don't think there is "knowing intent" behind the characters actions.

But reading between the lines and my interpretation of the text, there are a bunch of examples that have been building up to show why Elain would not be right for Az while Gwyn would.

There are certain things that are representative of who Az is as a character. And there is a noticeable difference between Elain's unintentional response or reaction to those things versus Gwyn's.

Az and TT:

We know how intertwined the character of Az is with the dagger. There's still an unknown backstory on how it came to be in his possession but it's definitely an extension of him.

Elain's reaction to TT:

“I—I don’t know how to use it—”

Elain weighed my words … and slowly closed her fingers around the blade.

the King of Hybern slumped to his knees, clawing at the knife jutting through his throat. Elain backed away a step.

“He gave it to Elain,” Mor said, “She gave it back,” I amended. But Elain had given it back—had pressed it into Azriel’s hands after the battle, just as he had pressed it into hers before. And then walked away without looking back.

Az offered this extension of himself to Elain and not only was she was hesitant to take it until Feyre reassured she wouldn't have to use it (oops, her bad 😂) but SJM stressed that Elain not only returned it, which Feyre noted twice (it's not like we expected her to keep it forever, but it's the way the author told us how it happened) but that Elain "walked away" and "didn't look back". That's a pretty big statement if all we're talking about is the casual returning of a weapon (which would have gone something like, "thanks for lending this to me, here you go." The End). Instead it reads as if she is walking away from the part of Az that represents a part of who he is. Not that she realizes it's what she's doing but it's something a reader might pick up on. Also, the second Elain used TT to save her sister, she immediately backed away from it (at which time Nesta came over to decapitate the King with it). Elain used it for a single purpose but did not further embrace it.

Gwyn's reaction to TT:

Apparently, Gwyn wanted him to go over dagger handling, so he’d left them with a promise to return in an hour.

“Seven years?” Gwyn demanded behind them. “You think children should be swinging around a real sword?”. “No,” Gwyn sputtered. “I just meant—do you plan for us to practice with wooden swords for seven years?”

Gwyn practiced in the chill night, her sword glimmering like ice in the moonlight.

Obviously we don't get an actual scene of Gwyn with TT but we have a lot of examples of Gwyn actively choosing to handle daggers and weapons. They are not something she shies away from and instead seems eager to embrace. To me, it reads that if Az were to offer her TT, she would treat it with respect and honor. Not discomfort and something to walk away from without looking back.

Azriel's Shadows

They are and will forever be a part of him "the shadows kept him company, as they always had, as they always would". He learned their language and they came to him at what was possibly the most difficult time in his life.

Elain and his shadows:

I don’t want a male.” She wanted a human man.

his shadows were gone, his face stark and clear. More … human than I had ever seen him.

Elain silently rose. No shadows at his ear, no darkness ringing his fingers as he extended a hand.

Azriel arrived first, no shadows to be seen, my sister a pale, golden mass in his arms.

His shadows skittered back at the sound. They’d always been prone to vanish when she was around.

Gwyn and his shadows:

The young priestess smiled- and Azriel thought it might have been directed at his curious shadows.

Her breath curled in front of her mouth, and one of his shadows darted out to dance with it before twirling back to him. Like it heard some silent music.

Even his shadows had calmed. As if content to lounge on his shoulders and watch.

Could have sworn his shadows sang in answer.

The shadows will always be a part of Az and with Gwyn, they are content and playful. She too acknowledges their presence in a way that shows she "sees" them and respects them outside of Az. We have never seen Elain treat them as something that exists as a companion to Az and Az even notes they aren't often around when she is.

Azriel and His Darkness / Solitude

Az isn’t a courtier. He "works from the shadows." "Held that ice-cold stare that still sometimes scared the shit out of me" "the frozen precipice that Az had plummeted into". "Let his cold rage rise to the surface," "He’s Az. He likes his space.” “He’ll keep to himself, so most of the time it'll be only you and me"

Azriel not only prefers to work in the darkness but he IS darkness. There's a cold and icy rage to his personality. His shadows are even the kind born from darkness (not sunshine). We also know he does not often sleep so the Night is something he's quite familiar with. His perfect person would be someone who doesn't mind staying in that darkness with him and who doesn't thrive when / prefer to be surrounded by others

Elain's reaction to darkness / solitude:

As if any bit of darkness was abhorrent. As if to chase it away.

She had been always so full of light. Perhaps that was why she now kept all the curtains open. To fill the void that existed where all of that light had once been.

.“What can I get you, Elain?” But Elain shook her head once more. “Sunshine.”

“She loved balls and parties.”

Two in the morning, and yet the party was showing no signs of slowing. Elain was laughing among a circle of beautiful friends, flushed and brilliant.

Sorry but Elain is 100% the bright light of the Sun and she craves it. She doesn't want to live a life in darkness and solitude and instead comes alive around large groups.

Gwyn's reaction to darkness / solitude:

As we entered the library proper, golden lights flickered to life. As if Clotho had been in utter darkness until we’d entered (Gwyn too has lived in this same darkness the past two years).

Gwyn, despite the Rite, had returned to living in the library.

Gwyn practiced in the chill night, her sword glimmering like ice in the moonlight.

Gwyn had said she might leave for Nesta and Cassian’s mating ceremony in three day

Gwyn is extremely comfortable in darkness and night, she's not extremely comfortable out in the open (though both she and Az have their small circle of friends they are closest with). She does have an inner light to her but whereas Elain's is the light of the Sun, Gwyn's strikes me as the light of the Moon (which is beautiful imagery and a sense of belonging next to Az's darkness).

Az and the necklace:

He knew it was wrong, but there he was, sliding the necklace around her (Elain).

Something sparked in Azriel’s chest, but he only nodded his thanks and left. He could picture it, though, as he ascended the stairs back to the House proper. How Gwyn’s teal eyes might light upon seeing the necklace. For whatever reason…he could see it. (Gwyn)

Elain and the necklace:

he found Elain’s necklace amid the pile.

Azriel offered a gift to Elain and while she did at first accept it, she decided it was not something she wanted to keep.

Who knows what will come of him giving the necklace to Gwyn but once again, we've got an example of how Elain, after first accepting something representative of Az, later walked away from it.

Even Az, upon giving Elain the necklace, thought "He knew it was wrong, but there he was, sliding the necklace around her" versus the thought of Gwyn receiving the necklace felt right to the point that it brought him joy. The necklace itself never mattered (though I do think the rose being held to the light to see its true colors is 100% hinting at Elain being meant for Lucien and her coming into her own) but the person who was meant to receive the part of himself (a gift he wanted to share) that he was giving away, is what does.

These pieces of himself that he's been trying to give to Elain have not work in his favor because she is not the one for him.

#anti e*riel #anti e/riel #antie/riel #pro gwynriel #gwynriel #azriel #gwyneth berdara #pro elucien #elain archeron #acotar theory

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seek--rest · 9 months

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Hey Seek, just read ch 2 of Part 4 and I was curious if you and Weezly ever considered having MJ visit Peter right after he was hospitalized, so when he was still out?! I ask bc I was so disappointed (and mad) at MJ for crying to her friends and sister about loving him and him possibly dying and not saying goodbye (similarly to her Dad) but then she chooses not to. In fact, she gets on a plane without knowing if he was going to make it. Like, what??? Peter never had to know about a visit bc it would have been for her, to have peace of mind, to possibly say goodbye to him but it doesn’t happen. And I know everyone tells her not to, but as we know MJ, MJ will always do what she wants to do regardless of what others think. I don’t know, it didn’t sit well w me, and I should say I totally agreed w her writing that letter to Peter saying she needed to take care of herself but if you think the LOYL is dying, wouldn’t you go see him? W again, Peter not ever needing to know about it. So just curious if you guys had ever considered it and what made you go this route w the storyline. Thanks.

As I mentioned before, @weezly14 and I have spent a LOT of time on midnights both in the writing and the thinking and no more so than on MJ’s POV. There WAS a version in our minds at least where MJ went to go and see him and the reason we chose not to was two fold:

It put the story to be an immediate stop

It undermined MJ’s trauma

If MJ would’ve gone to see Peter, after months of no contact and letting him break up with her, after she thinks he tried to kill himself, after we (the audience) see how discontented she is with life and Stanford, she wouldn’t have gone back. She would’ve been there by his side, his girlfriend or ex-girlfriend or whatever the case, wanting to be there for him in his recovery ultimately to her detriment. There’s many a story where after a near death experience MJ makes the decision to come back because life is too short to waste and etc. I’ve written plenty. But that is not this story and it’s especially because of the world and person weezly and I created in this MJ and in this Peter— neither of whom are healthy.

We’ve tried very hard to communicate in the text, through subtext and through Gayle but maybe it’s worth making explicit here in an ask: Peter and MJ in midnights are not good for each other. Not now at least, at the current stage of their lives. They’re codependent and in an endless cycle of using sex as the communication instead of part of it, their thinking has been warped by their respective traumas and tragedies (especially since while Peter has been through some Shit, MJ’s dad was murdered. She thought her boyfriend was dead. Her boyfriend then went into a deep depression that she was unable— and should not have been responsible for— to pull him out of).

If MJ were to go back to Peter at this point, despite how tropey and emotionally satisfying that might have been, it wouldn’t have been right for who the characters are in this universe at this point. They need time away from each other, to heal and to grow and to learn who they are independent of each other. Unlike real life, this is a story with a planned ending— we as an audience know that they will find their way back to each other and when they do, @weezly14 and I hope we will have done the work to show why that is a good idea rather than just expected.

But they don’t know that. And they— and their friends and family— can only work on the information that they have in front of them. Gayle has been painted the villain by a lot of readers but truly, she’s us— reminding MJ and all of you that love is a powerful force but it is not always enough.

MJ had to prioritize herself, even if that meant missing out on possibly saying goodbye to Peter forever— especially because of how terrible and frankly, toxic of a boyfriend he was to her in the year leading up to that point.

#seek speaks #petermj #spideychelle #petermjane #midnights series

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sexvimpulse · 2 years

Text

Mason: [Shows up to her place, excited to see her even though they’ve been fighting a bit because of the interview and the producer] Hey baby. [Smiles as he sees her, stepping inside and kissing her forehead]

Hazel: [Feels tense and less patient as she can’t seem to get things under control] Hey.. I didn’t expect you today. [Softens as she sees him, closing her eyes as he leaves a kiss on her forehead] What are you doing here? [Looks up at him, still sore about the interview but tries to let it go]

Mason: [Frowns as she doesn’t seem excited to see him] I wanted to see you. [Steps back as he’s already bruised from her reaction] Should I go? [blinks as he feels tense as she’s not even his girlfriend]

Hazel: [Realizes how her words might’ve come off as harsh. She hollows her cheeks as he moves away before pursing her lips as she hears his question] Mason.. Stop. I want to see you. [Runs her fingers through her hair as her plate seems too full for her to take on any more] Look sorry.. I have a lot going on. [Takes her phone out as she gets a text from the songwriter she’s been talking to]

Mason: [Softens a bit as she says she wants to see him. He hears her response and scoffs, laughing as he sees the name] Yeah seems like it. [Glares at her, knowing he has no right to be jealous as they’re not in a relationship. The lack of commitment from her drives him crazy and now he feels like she’s messing with his head] You know.. if you have feelings for someone else just fucking tell me. Don’t hide behind work, Hazel. [Hollows his cheeks] The least I deserve is the respect I give you. [Swallows as he knows it’s starting to crumble] I really thought you’d do better by me than this. [Shakes his head and laughs] Fuck. [Rubs his face]

Hazel: [Begins typing up a message before stopping as she hears him. She looks at him incredulously—brow raised as he sets her off with the accusation] What the fuck are you talking about, Mason? [Sets her phone aside as she looks up at him. Her chest rises and falls as she scoffs, unable to believe what she’s hearing] You think I’m talking to someone else when I can barely keep up with work and with you? [Her eyes are sharp and her tone is cold] I don’t need this right now. [Takes in a breath as she tries to calm down but she feels overwhelmed and offended] And respect, really? Didn’t you just announce to the world that you were single? [Tilts her head as she can’t let that go. She knows she’s in no position to say anything since they’re not “real” but her jealousy consumes her] It sounds like you’re ready to fuck around to me. [Folds her arms against her chest as her phone rings, sure that it’s more work so she ignores it] I can’t do this. [Runs her fingers through her hair again as she looks away from him. Her emotions are high that she’s not thinking clearly]

Mason: You fucking told me not to tell anyone about us! I was protecting you! [Raises his voice as he feels so frustrated] You’re not even my girlfriend! What the fuck was I supposed to say? [Frowns as his eyes burn, swallowing as he feels like he’s being crushed] You can’t do this? Were you ever in this? [His voice breaks as he wipes his face, hating to appear weak when she’s so cold] I can’t either, Hazel. [Shakes his head] I need something from you. Anything! I need you to tell me that we are something. I can’t just live on these crumbs you dole out when you feel like it. [Shakes his head]

Hazel: Protecting me? Going on PR dates, was that protecting me too? [Scoffs again as she avoids his gaze. The frustration and tension builds higher and higher as she listens to every word that falls from his lips. She hates the ache in her chest as she sees the look of absolute torment on his features and realizes what’s happening between them] You don’t think I was? Don’t I give you my fucking time and wait when you can give me yours? [Hardening her stance and expression, she tries not to weaken until he says that he can’t do this] Then don’t do this. It’s that simple, Mason. [Remains cold, letting him end things as a large part of her is in pain and refuses to let him go] Mason. [Her chest heaves and her lips part as he suddenly asks for more. Her features shift as she’s deeply conflicted, eyes misting over and she can’t do it—she can’t admit what she feels and has felt for a while now] I.. I think we need to take a step back from this. [Has to look away and compose herself while her heart starts to break] We both knew what this was. I can’t do more than that right now. [Her lower lip trembles and her throat feels tight as she finally looks at him again] I can’t. I’m sorry..

Mason: [Her words don’t exactly surprise him, but he can’t help but feel hurt because he let himself believe she had feelings for him] Yeah. [Nods as he shifts his jaw] Bye, Hazel. [Shakes his head as he walks out her door and drives off]

#type: angst #type: breakup #v: way way back #c: something anything

0 notes

jarofstyles · 3 years

Note

hey besties, pls do a football player Harry (soccer in case ur american lol) and physical therapist y/n !!

I know absolute shit all about football (soccer bc we are American) but we can give it a go!!! Plz don’t be mad I don’t know anything about it cause it’s ✨make believe ✨

If you like this, check out our Patreon!

—-

He was a little shit.

A beautiful, charming, irritating, little shit.

When Y/N has signed on for this team, being the medic was something she had been passionate about for years. Having her own accident and making it so she couldn’t properly play anymore, it was her mission to still be involved in the game so how. Y/N’s own injury and healing process had her become more and more interested in the profession, and here she was.

It wasn’t everything she had dreamed of, as nothing ever was, but it was good. She got to sit field-side every game, close to the action. And every injury she got first look at. She helped the guys with their stretches, their previous injuries and keeping them from Re-injuring themselves, taking care of them and making sure their physical shape was the best it could be.

In general? She was happy. But there was one man who was a thorn in her side and a pain in her crotch.

Harry Styles.

The man who decided it was his personal mission to follow her around like a puppy dog. Popping up in her singular moments of peace during game day. Texting her and asking about very, very small twists of ankles and giving her the ‘🥺 maybe you should come and look at it…’ whenever he did so.

Not to mention his complete and utter want to get into her pants.

Now it wasn’t as if she couldn’t handle a few sexual jokes. Y/N was a big girl and knew 99% of the time, the guys on the team knew their limit. And Harry? Harry, in reality, was a gentleman. Never touched her inappropriately, ever. But the problem was… she kind of wanted him to.

There was no actual clause against staff members and players being together or hooking up. Nope, just frowned upon. Maybe a slap on the wrist. However Y/N knew, she knew that the moment anyone caught wind of her potential affections for any team member or acting on it? It would end with everyone thinking she slept with them to get the job.

Y/N worked long and hard. Tireless hours for make sure these men were healthy, fit, and at their best. She wouldn’t sleep with anyone for any job, and she was actually respected by this team which was something a lot of women weren’t in this field. She could not and would not throw it away for a good dicking.

Fuck, did she want to sometimes.

—-

Harry had these hands. The perfect hands, in her opinion. Big, strong with thinner fingers. Long fingers. A good sized palm, not overly veiny, just perfection in male hand scales. Luckily (or unluckily, whatever way you’d put it) she got to handle them often.

“S’sore today, doc.” He winced, sitting on the table in front of her. Harry’s wrist throbbed. It was rainy, and it was usually a wreck when it was the perfect condition. The ache was annoying, and he knew she had a solution.

Her lips pouted softly as she gently took the hand in place, thumbing over the part of the wrist where rhe injury had occurred. She had learned a while ago where to press, how to rub and get it to lessen before she wrapped it up. “Yeah… old injuries tend to never let you forget.” She sighed, pushing her glasses up into her hair.

Harry never could get over how fucking gorgeous Y/N was. From her nose to her lips, the pretty sparkle in her eye, the curve of her hip… he was obsessed. Not to mention the fact that she was so gentle with him. So kind and sweet, though he knew he got on her nerves with his teasing sometime. She could handle it and he always tried to watch to make sure he wasn’t going too far, but he couldn’t help it.

He was a silly boy with a bit fat crush.

Y/N didn’t bite for any of them. Everyone had attempted when she first came on, testing the waters. Her pretty face was welcome to all the blokes in the team, and there was something incredibly attractive about a woman who could heal. Nonetheless, she never gave in to anything.

In Harry’s case, he knew it was different. He could see her smile at some jokes, see her get the bumps on her skin when he brushed her a certain way. But she avoided the eye contact. Avoided the touches. And it drove him mad.

Of course she wouldn’t know he had actual feelings for him because he was a giant coward most of the time. He hid his affection in the dirty jokes and the teasing squeezes of her waist and teasing. He was a thick skinned man but a full rejection form her would hurt.

Her soft fingers gently massaged over the wrist, making him groan. His head tilted back and he let it out, hissing slightly when she pressed too hard. “Oooh, don’t worry sweetheart. Y’know I like it to hurt a little.” His wide smirk made her roll her eyes huffing under her breath.

Y/N was not having a great day. She had been harassed by an Ex all fucking night over her new job. Making all the damn assumptions that she was getting ‘trained by the team’ in a much more vulgar way, and she had cried half the night. To say she wasn’t in the mood was an understatement, but she was trying.

Harry was not what she needed today, because it made her feel worse. Her blatant attraction to him made her feel guilty. She should be professional and leave it with. The way she had squeeze her legs tighter while he groaned didn’t help her case. The ugly words of how they’ only kept her around for a potential fuck’ was ringing in her head.

Harry though, he was a little oblivious. Her hands were so talented, and he didn’t watch her face for once as she hit a good spot again and he let out another remark.

“Jesus, that’s good. Do those magic hands work everywhere?”

That was the straw that broke her. It wasn’t his fault necessarily, he was just playing. But her eyes watered, hand yanking away as she turned from him, walking over to the bench. Trying to compose herself was hard as the tears burned so hard in her eyes, hands shaking slightly.

Harry startled, not used to that. She never flinched away like that, never ignored his remark and walked away. Usually told him to fuck off, rolled her eyes, something. But the energy in the room immediately shifted and he was uncomfortable. What had happened?

Cautiously, he cleared his throat and stood up from the bench, licking over his dry lips as he spoke again. “Uh… Y/N?”

“S’all I’m good for, right?” She muttered under her breath. Frantically wiping under her eyes she tried to focus on the paper in front of her but she could feel Harry approaching.

He furrowed his brow, not sure if he heard correctly. “Wha-“

Y/N whipped around fast, eyes teary and wet. “I said, that’s all I’m good for right? Only good for my hands and sex and all that pleasure you can get from me?” She hissed. “Only good for a romp in the sheets and a pretty face to heal your wounds and put on band aids. Only good to make you get off and feel good and then what? I’m left here with nothing.”

The tears left her, her hands shaking as she grabbed her bag. Harry felt his stomach drop. Never, ever had he wanted to make her feel like that. Her crying? That wasn’t something he ever wanted to see again. He felt like he had taken a ball to the gut, hard. Those eyes he adored being full of pain, full of tears was his own personal hell.

“Y/N… wait, I’m so sorry, I didn’t-“ he tried to follow her to the door, stopping abruptly when she lifted a hand up to him. Her stomping had made him nervous. Now she was leaving without talking to him and he felt like a complete dick. It was their normal teasing, but he had crossed a line.

“Don’t. Just…. Just leave me alone. I’m going home.”

—-

As much as Harry had wanted to chase after her, he had already made her cry once. He wasn’t risking it again.

The icky, gross feeling in his stomach followed him all day. He was gutted. Not only has he apparently crossed a line with someone he respected, he had a fucking crush on her. The man was convinced no other feeling was worse than a crush being angry at him. Even if it sounded juvenile to place it like that.

Harry liked Y/N. He never ever wanted to make her upset in any capacity, let alone feeling like a sex object or violated. He prided himself on respecting women. And he had fucking failed. He needed to make it right, and fast.

He had found her address. In her employee file, and he knew that was bad but he needed to check on her. Regardless of what happened beforehand, she was upset by him enough to leave and go home and he wanted to make sure she was genuinely okay.

It was an overstep and Harry knew it. He had to try, though.

He arrived at her door step with a box of cupcakes and some flowers. Gently kicking the floor, he heard the door open and his heart broke a little more.

Y/N standing in front of him with swollen eyes. She had been crying, seemingly a lot. And she looked upset still. Though he expected her to close the door in his face and tell him to fuck off. But she didn’t.

Instead, she broke into tears again, throwing herself into his chest. Her arms wrapping around his waist, he nearly tumbled over but righted himself as he startled. Quickly he found himself recovering, wrapping his free arm around her and holding her. He was able to maneuver slightly and drop the cupcakes on her entry table, flowers as well before having his arms free.

“Hey…. Sweetheart, what’s the matter?” He whispered softly, gently placing a hand on her back. Rubbing it up and down, letting her cry into his tee shirt. It was worrying. Whatever happened was beyond him, but he wasn’t going to let that take away from the fact he had added and made it worse.

“I’m sorry.” Her muffled response was sobbed into his shirt. “I’m sorry for yelling… and saying you thought those things, you were playing and I…” she pulled back worth tear streaked cheeks and Harry’s look of pure concern making her lip wobble. “You didn’t do it. It was… he kept sayin’ that all the team wants is in my pants, and you make me feel guilty because you’re so…. Beautiful, and I never slept with anyone to get this job! Never. And then he wouldn’t leave me alone-“ she hiccuped, looking up at Harry as he caressed the back of her head.

“Who, lovely? Who wouldn’t leave you alone?” He asked with a calm tone. Of course he wasn’t. Someone was harassing her. And Harry would fucking take care of it. It boiled his blood to think of someone making her feel less than.

“My ex.” She sniffled again, slowly calming. Harry had that quality, she thinks. “He-He broke up with me for taking the job. Said… said that I was going to be a personal whore for all of you. And not do my job.” She took a shuddery breath. It was embarrassing admitting this to him, but he had been on the receiving end for a meltdown that wasn’t his to fix.

“Well, can I tell you something?” He brought his thumb up to wipe away some of the sticky tears from her cheeks. “You arent. You’re no one’s whore. You’re a respected, talented and intelligent member of our staff. You so happen to be incredibly beautiful, which obviously makes people find you more bewitching… but I know that we all look at you as a professional talent. They may have tried their luck at the beginning but you laid down the law quickly and they all understood.” He whispered.

“Me? I was trying my luck, because you’re incredible. And I think you’re lovely. But that isn’t a conversation for now. Let’s make some tea, hm? Relax. I brought you some cupcakes. I need to properly apologize for being inappropriate to you. Regardless if it was a joke…”

—

He sat next to her on her couch. The poor girl was better now, washing her face and a mug of tea in hand while Harry had helped himself to a vase and put the flowers inside. Carnations. He thought they were pretty, didn’t know the name until Y/N had fawned over them.

“I’m sorry for freaking out on you.” She said softly, her big sweatshirt swallowing her up. Before Harry could interrupt, she put a finger up. “I know that you were just playing, Harry. I let you flirt with me like that. And I enjoy it.” She could feel herself get warm in the face. “If you’ve noticed, I let you get away with it. I enjoy it. And you didn’t do anything out of line. I was sensitive… I was still raw and I hadn’t had much sleep because he had blown up my phone and regardless he was telling me things he said in person over and over again. So…” Y/N shifted in her seat and used her sweater paws to bring the drink to her lips. “When you came in… I felt guilty for finding you attractive. For liking what you said to me.”

Harry sat for a moment, quiet. So she had liked it…. And felt guilty. Now knowing the context? It made sense. For the life of him he was trying not to hold in to the fact that she enjoyed it, but he couldn’t. It made him excited.

“Okay. That makes sense. Usually.. I do a better job at reading your physical cues. Sometimes I can see something isn’t the right thing to say because you’re tense already. But I was in my own world cause you were making the pain go away and I felt good. It isn’t an excuse, though.” He gently grabbed her hand once she set down her warm tee, thumbing over the knuckles.

“I felt like such a dick. I still do. You know that? And it isn’t because I’m attracted to you. But it’s because I didn’t think about the position I’m putting you in by flirting.” He moved a little closer. “I would never try and jeopardize your job. I’ve been blinded by my own feelings for a while and I was trying to feel it out but I didn’t think to think it was because someone else or a group of people would look down at you for it.” He frowned.

It was so unfair. They wouldn’t care if he slept with her. But they’d ridicule her for sleeping with him.

“I just want to let you know now as well… I wasn’t trying to come on to you to have a hookup.” He hummed. “The feelings I’ve got are genuine. Alright? They aren’t just too get into your pants. And I never want you to feel as though that’s your only purpose. Ever. You have so much worth, and while I’m positive you don’t need me to tell you that, I want tok anyways.”

He was unreal. She really thinks so. How did a man just… be like him. He was a fan favorite and had charm but behind the scenes he was even better than anything they said.

“Yeah. I think I was afraid. Because… I’m the same, you know?” She shyly admitted. “You’re charming and I didn’t want to admit I let your charm get to me, but it has. It has very much. And I like you. I don’t know what to do about it, but I think it’s only fair I admit it myself as well when you’ve put yourself out on the line.”

Harry’s grin grew, dimples pocketing in his cheeks. She liked him back. His heart was ringing in his ears, the shy little look into her eyes making him want to explode. Fucking adorable girl making him feel such intense emotions…. It was incredible.

Thank god. He thought he was going insane.

“We don’t have to do anything in the sense of our job right now. But since we both know… would you want to explore it? I would say privately. Just get to know each other better. Talk. Hang out. Cook food together… maybe kiss.” He smirked slightly at the end, making her let out a laugh. Her laugh soothed his Damn soul.

“I think I’d like that.”

——

Part II maybe? Who knows

719 notes · View notes

landinoandco · 3 years

Text

A Game of Chess

Carlos Sainz x reader

Request from @leesuhnakamoto-krys "Carlos Sainz x reader fluff"

Warnings: fluff, a slight reference if you squint.

Word count: 2.2 k

Requests are open :)

This year - due to the current pandemic - there were to be two races in Austria, however to keep with the theme of ‘no two races the same’ they were to be called different things: the Styrian grand prix for the first race and the Austrian Grand Prix for the second. This weekend saw the first of the two and your boyfriend Carlos Sainz finished a respectable 6th place behind his former teammate and current best friend Lando Norris.

The majority of the grid had decided to stay in the surrounding area, making the most of the time they had - not only to keep on training but to explore.

Travelling the world with Carlos was a dream come true and you were so lucky to be able to do your job on the move - you were a travel blogger/vlogger and were pretty well known for it as well. A large following of people that enjoyed watching your weekly lifestyle and travel vlogs alongside the photography that came with it.

It was the Monday following the race so Carlos had taken it as a rest day, you had woken up that morning in his arms, tracing circles on one of them as you both spoke about your plans for the day.

“And a haircut is what I really need.” He said to you, as you moved a strand that had fallen into his eyes.

“No, I like it long, you look more -” You paused. “Mature.” Giggling, you moved your hands up to run your fingers through his hair. He shook his head at you, a large smile plastered onto his face. He leaned forward onto his forearms, connecting your lips together for a brief second before pulling away and rolling out of bed. Leaving you, still huddled in all of the covers, watching him as he strode across the room to the hotel chest of drawers, pulling out two t-shirts; one of which he put on and the other being chucked in your general direction.

“So, cariño, what is your plan for today?” Carlos asked, flopping onto the bed and looking up to you.

“I think I’m going to go and explore the town, some of my followers have recommended a few places so I think I am going to check those out, take a few photos-” You trailed off as he began to draw patterns onto the palm of your hand. You smiled fondly at him, you had met just before lockdown completely by chance after you bumped into him in a train station. He had asked for your number and feeling like he had given you no reason to say no, you did and as it turns out, it was the best decision of your life. “What is your plan for the day ahead, mi Amor.”

“I think I am meeting Lando this afternoon at a café down the road. I’m going to teach him to play chess.” He said proudly, emphasising the word ‘chess.’

“Chess?” You questioned, reaching over for the top and putting it on. It was one of his old team McLaren t-shirts, you scoffed at his still apparent loyalty to the team; admittedly it was your favourite but Ferrari didn’t need to know that.

“Yes.” Carlos stated, he then pointed at the t-shirt you were wearing. “I would recommend not leaving the hotel room with that t-shirt on. I don’t want to get into trouble.” He fought to keep the smile off of his lips. Your eyes lit up, “I wouldn’t even dream of it, mi Amor.”

You had agreed with Carlos that as soon as you had finished what you had set out to do that morning, you would meet him in the café alongside Lando. “Do you fancy playing a game of chess with me, later?” You had asked before you went your separate ways.

Carlos gave a lopsided grin and kissed your forehead. “We will see, cariño, we will see.” With that he stuffed his hands into his pockets and walked down the street. Styria was a beautiful town, a handful of buildings situated in the mass of rolling hills and mountain tops that covered the landscape for as far as the eye could see.

You had walked up to a stone viewing point at the peak of the town, a small bench that overlooked the south past Styria and into the Austrian countryside.

You loved this time you got to yourself, it allowed for you to sit and reminisce; bathing in all of the memories that lead up to this point in your life. You thought back to the day Carlos asked you to move to Italy with him - due to him changing teams. It almost broke your relationship, the thought of leaving all of your family and friends behind in England but in the end you decided it was an adventure too thrilling to pass on...

It was a breezy summer evening in London, the clouds had blanketed the city and a faint rumble of the traffic could be heard from your apartment. Carlos had messaged you earlier that day, asking if he could talk to you when he got home - for the remainder of that afternoon nerves had settled comfortably in the pit of your stomach. At last you heard the unlocking of the door, your head whipped around to see a tired looking Carlos to fall through the door with a sigh. As soon as he looked up and saw you sat on the sofa, his eyes gleamed. “Mi amor.” He said tiredly, his brows knitted momentarily before he nodded his head. “Right, my text message.” You nodded unsure of where this conversation was heading. It was early days in your relationship so anything was possible.

“I got an offer from Ferrari-” He started, making his way over to you, you watched him intently, nibbling on your lower lip. “It’s an offer that in this industry you don’t turn down, obviously there is a lot to consider because it would mean leaving McLaren and-” He sighed, “This country behind.”

A line appeared between your brows, you didn’t speak for fear of interrupting his train of thought. He took your hand in his.

“If I signed with Ferrari, I would have to move to Italy-” Your mouth made an ‘o’ shape. “Which is why I wanted to ask you if you would come with me.”

You definitely didn’t expect him to ask this, any expression that was on your face before had been wiped as you took to staring. “I’m asking a big thing and obviously you don’t have to answer straight away.” He rushed in response to your dumbfounded expression.

For the next few days - after that conversation - the atmosphere between the pair of you had become tense, you had decided to call your sister and explained the whole situation to her. In a nutshell she called you an idiot for not saying yes immediately.

“I’ve been thinking-” You began to Carlos that evening . “I would love to move to Italy with you. It’s a good opportunity to really write our story, explore the world - together. It will be such a great adventure.” Carlos didn’t need to ask you twice and he enveloped you into his arms and span you around, meeting your lips with his.

“I love you.” He said, placing his forehead on yours. That night was also the first time those three words were exchanged. “I love you too.” You replied sweetly, your lips brushing his as you did so.

You smiled fondly at the memory. You were so lucky to have found Carlos - actually you found each other - you like to believe that it was the universe who had a hand in it. Carlos was your soulmate and you were honoured to be able to call him that.

Deciding it was time you made your way back to him, you started on your journey back to the main town - down the steep, winding path, birds darting overhead and the chirp of crickets sounding in the hedgerows.

You reached the café and as soon as you opened the door, you were hit with the smell of warm coffee, you went over to the counter and ordered yourself a latte - casting your gaze around the old fashioned shop, you were surprised to see that only a few people were sitting inside; an older couple, who had taken extreme interest in the pair you were here to see. You chuckled to yourself as the barista placed your drink onto the counter in front of you.

“Drew quite the crowd earlier.” He leant over the counter, pointing to the pair, they were stuck in an intense game of chess and by the looks of it - Lando was winning. Carlos looked up, shaking his head as Lando moved another one of his pieces off of the board; as he did he noticed you standing there and waved you over.

“Yes, I bet they did.” You chuckled, taking the drink and nodding ‘thanks’ to him. Carlos pulled a chair up for you and motioned to the chess board in anguish, “You will not believe it, mi Amor. He is beating me.” Lando was sat on the other side wearing a cocky grin and his arms crossed onto the table.

“So what you are trying to tell me, Carli , is that you taught Lando too well and now he is beating you.” You pointed out, the corners of your eyes crinkled. Carlos only glared at you, sighing dramatically. Lando played incredibly well and did take the victory, punching his arms in the air as he called out ‘checkmate.’

“The student becomes the master.” He cheered, high fiving you and offered to shake Carlos’ hand but Carlos pouted and pushed it away with his index finger. “No. How on earth did you win? I’ve only just taught you.” He cried out.

You looked at Lando as Lando looked at you, both fighting the urge to laugh. You couldn’t hold it in as you held onto the table - both doubling over.

“I love you, Carli, I really do but - boy - are you a sore loser.” You managed to say.

“Well, cheers, mate.” Lando said getting up, wiping the tears from the corner of his eyes. “I’m going to head off now. Dinner with Jon.” You waved as he left, fist bumping Carlos on his way past.

“Do you fancy a game with me now?” You asked, your elbow was resting on the table so you leant on the heel of your palm.

“On one condition.” Carlos said, setting the chess board back up, “As long as you promise not to beat me like Lando just did.”

“Of course, mi Amor.” You said, a hint of mocking in your tone. You admired the way he scrunched up his nose as he concentrated, working out what his first move was going to be.

“The aim of chess is to be in control of your opponent, you want to be able to trick them into doing exactly what you want them to do.” Carlos said, moving his first piece. “You have to play with dominance.” He added theatrically.

“You want me to be dominant?” You repeated incredulously, a smirk toying with your lips. “Well, why didn’t you say so. After all this time-”

“Mi Amor.” He gasped, lowering his voice. “Not like that -” He stammered, a pink flush rising up his neck. You only winked in reply and made your move.

“Go on, tell me more about chess.” You urged him on, watching as he went to make his move. He paused, met your gaze and narrowed his eyes. You shrugged innocently and he carried on; his gaze softened as a reminiscent haze coated his eyes.

“You know,” Carlos began, placing the chess piece down and resting both of his elbows onto the table. “When my dad first met my mum, he taught her how to play chess and they used to sit in the kitchen on a Sunday morning after church and play. It was then my mum who taught me, on the weekends when my dad was away racing; we used to sit in the kitchen together on a Sunday after church and play. It was always the highlight of my weekend.” You watched as he fondly spoke about his family, warmth filled your chest.

“You teach me well then and maybe we could turn it into a tradition.” You spoke gently, reaching over the table to take his hand in yours. Awe transformed his face as he gazed at you.

Many years later you would end up making it a tradition, as you taught your daughter how to play on a Sunday after church as she watched her daddy race. You would tell her the story every time you would go to play and every time you would think about how lucky you were to have bumped into that stranger in the train station. They say that you will find your soulmate when you least expect it and after all these years - you would have to agree.

#f1 #carlos sainz x reader #carlos sainz jr #carlos sainz imagine #carlos sainz one shot #carlos sainz fanfiction #lando norris x reader #f1 2021 #f1 x reader #f1 imagine #f1 fandom #formula one fanfiction #formula one one shot #formula one x reader #formula 1 x reader #formula one #Ferrari

418 notes · View notes

luckyasfuck · 3 years

Text

back seat of his car [k. bakugou]

pairing // katsuki x fem!reader

warnings/themes // NSFW, mafia leader!katsuki, illegal racer!katsuki, mentions of stalker!reader, gun violence, katsuki point his gun at your neck, katsuki checks under your skirt without conset, slight knife play, breeding kink, creampie,

synopsis // finally gathering your courage to confess to the guy you’ve been admiring, the night takes a dark turn when he assumes you’re working for his enemy, and all the secrets unfold.

word count // 2.5k

a/n // i am aware that race cars don’t have passenger seats nor back seats, just shut up and read already.

tonight was exciting. the skirt you wore hung beautifully around your hips, giving your thighs the attention they very much deserve. the nights were always cold, but you’d do anything to get bakugou katsuki to glance at your way. tonight was the night you’d finally make a move after practically stalking the male car racer for weeks now. it was obvious he knew about your ministrations, he’d look back here and there and become more cautious as the nights dragged out.

a black face mask covers your face, the competition was illegal and it would be a bitch to be caught by those bastards that call themselves cops. boots clicking on the pavement, you speed-walked to the street. the muffled screams and sounds of cars grew louder as you turn the corner, already seeing people cheering the racers on. pushing through the crowd, you manage to slip through the dudes that called themselves ‘guards’ and onto the road. a quick span around the area and you see him.

katsuki is wearing a black leather jacket, his infamous skull shirt underneath and black pants to match the aesthetic of his black racer car. his blonde hair is messy as he takes off his helmet, leaning on the car. you gulp, could you really do this? the satisfying click of your boots makes the respected racer glance at you, eyeing you up and down. with a quick and confident, you eye his car. “that’s a really fucking pretty car.”

he scoffs, “you competing here, woman? don’t even try.” he clicks his tongue. “why? cause i’m a woman?” a death glare is sent his way before you chuckle, leaning on his car too. “no, cause it’s really risky. police are gonna raid this area any second now, that’s why i parked here near this alleyway just incase.”

huh? “and how would you know that?” the crowd screams louder and your voice is barely heard, new racers coming in from all areas. the sound of their car engines fill the silent night and you watch katsuki pull his phone out, texting someone. this fumes you, does he have a girlfriend or something? i’ll fucking kill her-

“so,” the phone is shoved back inside his pocket, now his attention is all on you. half-lidded vermillion eyes stare into yours as he smirked, putting his hand inside his pocket. “where’s your car?” his eyes span the area, looking for a car that you might own and use. “oh, i’m not racing.” this response shocks him, looking at you with knotted eyebrows and his head tilted slightly to the side.

“how’d you get past those guys?” the ‘guards’ push the crowd away harshly, preventing them from entering the road. they push, throw, do anything to keep the crowd at bay. they’re pretty big guys so they don’t get beat up that easily. “i’m a woman.” you reply with a giggle.

“and i may have told them i know you.”

the blonde’s phone dings with a notification, “do you really know me now?” he reads through the text with a smirk. muffled police sirens are heard and the crowd silences for a minute before everybody’s frantically exiting the street, the car racers getting in their car and driving off full speed.

fuck, where you gonna go no-

the sound of a car door opening breaks you from your trance as you see flashes of red and blue lights rounding the corner. “get in.” katsuki rushes to his side of the car and without a thought, you enter his car. with a quick and professional manuever, the both of you are rushing through the empty and dark alleyway in seconds. the darkness seems endless until the blonde turns the corner and stops. looking back, he squints his glowing red eyes to check for any police cars.

a relieved sigh leaves his lips and he gets out the vehicle, leaving you confused. a hand opens your side of the car and you’re yanked outside harshly, “what the fuck?!” a loud thud fills the silent alleyway as your back hits the hard concrete. a sound of metal is heard and the next thing you knew, katsuki has you pinned on the wall with a gun held straight to your throat. “don’t fucking think i haven’t seen you lurking around.”

how were you supposed to know that your harmless stalking sessions meant so much to him? you gulped, forcing yourself back on the wall trying to detatch your sweating neck from his cold gun. “you working for deku or something, hm?” the weapon is shoved into your skin more and your eyes close in fear. “i... i don’t know who that is.”

katsuki tears the weapon away from you and the sound of a loud bang makes you whimper, eyes tearing up. “oh really, now?” opening your eyes, a tear trickles down your cheek as you looked up at his hand pointing the gun he just shot to the sky. noticing this, katsuki puts it back in it’s place against your neck. “i- i really don’t! i just stalked you... cause- cause i liked you and you’re- you’re hot.” you admitted, fearing for your life.

ignoring the confession, katsuki kneels down and using his unoccupied hand, he uses the flashlight on his phone. his hand hoists your skirt up without warning, attaching the hem to your waistband as he shined the flashlight on your thigh. expecting to see the symbol for deku’s little clan on your thigh, his hand is already on the trigger, ready to pull it and end your life.

but he saw nothing, just your bare, quivering thighs. and maybe your lace panties too, but he looked away before he could stare at it for too look. with a harsh movement, he fixes your skirt and pulls the weapon away from your neck before grabbing your collar and staring right into your eyes.

“listen here, you fucker. you like me don’t you?” a relieved sigh leaves your lips and you nod, staring back into his lust-filled eyes. “i’ve been fucking stressed lately, and you fucking added to that. so let me fuck you into oblivion as a punishment.” the straight forward statement made your pussy wet.

it was the fact that he still asked that made you agree, even after you life was fucking threatened 30 seconds ago. katsuki bakugou may be bad, but he’ll never stoop to that level. plus, it could be a form of sorry for pointing a gun to your neck and almost pulling the trigger. in the back of his head, he made sure he would make you feel like a fucking princess.

it was an ‘in the moment’ kind of thing, the car was heated and condensation pooled at the windows as you and katsuki made out with each other, his thigh making its way in between your legs to rub your clit on the rough material of his jeans. the shirt you wore was cut open by the knife he kept in his pocket and in an instant, he attacks your collarbones and a hand creeps up to cup your boob under your matching lace bra, your nipple being twisted around by his fingers. “you fucking slut. you absolute whore. getting off to someone who almost ended your life? yeah, you want this cock in your slutty fucking pussy, don’t you?”

without you noticing, he had ripped off his leather jacket and shirt. you drooled over his toned torso, admiring his abs and the slight hint of a blonde happy trail leading straight down into his pants. unconsciously, your hand goes to graze your fingers down his bare upper-half, trailing down the blonde hair leading you to where you wanted to touch before you cupped the large tent in his pants “yes, i want it.” you whimpered out, squeezing his bulge slightly, making him grunt.

katsuki massages your inner thigh as his unoccupied hand goes to unzip his fly and rid himself of any remaining clothes. as soon as his underwear is out of the way, his cock slaps right against his lower stomach and you stare in awe, gulping. the size and girth intimidated you, but this is exactly what you wanted. he strokes himself a few times before teasing your sensitive clit with his tip, moaning at the feeling of your lace panties against his slit. your panties are soon yanked off, katsuki leaving them dangling off your ankle as he propped himself between you, hands pinning your wrists above your head and your legs hoisted up on his shoulders.

he angles his cock to tease at your entrance, smirking at you. “come on, beg for it.” the tip goes in and out of you and you whimper out in a frantic state, “please! just- just put it in already, i want it, i want it, i want it- fuck!” your toes curl in both pleasure and pain when katsuki slams inside your without warning. the stretch burned, he was probably the biggest thing you’ve put inside you in a while. his hips still and he looks down, admiring the way your cunt swallowed him up, feeling you clench around him. “good girl.” an unoccupied hand grips your hips as he started to thrust into you slowly before gradually picking up the pace until he was pounding into you.

the car shook back and forth as the racer railed you in the backseat, skin slapping and moans prominent even outside the car. “fuck! t-too deep, bakugou, too-” a pair of lips slam into yours, cutting your sentence off. katsuki ignores your complaints and lets out a dark chuckle. “am i hitting your womb, slut? that’s what you wanted, right? you want me to fuck my babies into you so you’ll be swollen for nine months.”

“ye-”

“no. we can’t have my little fuck toy be too sensitive for sex, right? you’re my fuck toy, my cumslut. mafia boys like me are always stressed and need obedient girls like you with tight fucking cunts to keep sane.” there’s no time to think about the term he used for himself as your eyes rolled to the back of your head, mind going blank as you neared your orgasm. cumming all over his cock with a loud moan, your legs quiver as katsuki goes faster and sloppier, chasing his own orgasm. his hips stutter when he cums, painting your insides his shade of white. a few more thrusts and he pulls out of you, panting. he stares straight at your glistening pussy, watching his semen slowly seep out of you.

the sight makes whimper, feeling himself getting hard all over again. “i hope you can take more, princess.” the grip on both your wrists becomes tighter and you let out a loud moan, tears spilling from your eyes down your cheeks as katsuki bottoms out inside you for the second time that night. “’cause i’m not stopping for anything.” he doesn’t wait for anything and starts pounding into you again, abusing that sweet little hole of yours. “bakugou! fuck! too much!” your legs quiver, but his speed doesn’t falter. instead, he goes faster.

lips attach to suck on the supple skin of your neck, “call me katsuki.” he whispers, biting your neck softly. “k-katsuki, gonna cum again.” you cried out, fingernails digging into the hand that kept your hands at place. “then cum, cum all over this cock again. no one, and i repeat, no one is ever gonna make you feel this good. got it?” the question is left unanswered when a loud moan erupts from your throat as you came. katsuki follows a few thrusts after, moaning uncontrollably.

the both of you pant, a heavy layer of sweat covering both your bodies. katsuki pulls out of you, instantly replacing his cock with two of his fingers, making you jump as he scissors them inside you. “katsuki, n-no more... please...” you begged, whining.

“shh...” he calms you down, pulling his fingers out and prodding them at your lips. “suck.” the command instantly has your lips encaging around his fingers covered in both of your love juices. a moan escapes your lips at the taste, pulling away once you’ve lapped all of it up. the car becomes silent, katsuki taking a roll of tissue from the corner of his car, starting to clean you up. large arms gently keep you from jumping up from the overstim. “just a little more, it would be uncomfortable if you had cum dripping all over your thighs.” a choked ‘okay’ leaves your lips as he cleaned up the remnants of his orgasm.

“there,” the window opens and katsuki throws the used tissues outside. “are you hurt anywhere?” he helps you sit yourself up on his lap gently, his red eyes looking all over your body for any bruises he might have left. “i’m fine, thanks.” you panted out, smiling at him. the blonde looks away, gently setting you down and handing you his shirt. “sorry for tearing yours.” he picks up his clothes and the weapons on the ground, starting to dress himself. you did the same, heart jumping in joy at his scent on the shirt.

the both of you climb to the drivers and passenger seat, katsuki still half-naked. the black jacket is thrown to your exposed thighs and you look at him in confusion. “you’ll get cold-” a hand keeps the jacket on your thighs as the car starts. “i can handle it.” he started to drive through the rest of the alleyway. “whatever you say.” you stay put in your seat.

“i’m... part of a mafia group.” katsuki starts. “deku, the guy i assumed you work for, he wants my head. i don’t know why, but i am sure not losing to a broccoli looking headass. and since you couldn’t mind your fucking business, you’re involved now.”

“how so?”

“i need to keep you at arms length. not to protect you or anything! it’s so you can’t go around telling everybody, and i still don’t know if you really work for that bastard or not.” the car rounds into an abandoned street. god, you were gonna get killed, weren’t you? you thought as he stopped at a worn out house, stepping out the car. “come on.”

his footsteps are loud, and you do follow him. he left his weapon inside the car, as if to make you trust him. “we were pretty sure that you worked for deku, but i think you’re too dumb for that. don’t be surprised.” the blonde warns as you both near the door. nothing was heard inside. katsuki opens the door and in an instant, metal clads with metal and 6 guns are pointed straight at you. but with a raise of katsuki’s hand, all the guns are put down. you shook uncontrollably in your spot, maybe the fact that you could barely walk from what you guys did earlier. “she doesn’t work for dek-”

“she’s pretty.” another blonde smiles at you, waving and winking. as you’re about to wave back awkwardly, katsuki pulls you beside him by your waist. “don’t even fucking try, denki.”

“she’s mine.”

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levisgirll · 3 years

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Hi! I love your work so much! Could you do a oneshot/hc about y/o and Levi having a crush on each other. Hange knows that and asks y/o why won't she confess to him. Y/O is insecure coz she's younger than him by 5 + years and she thinks that Levi wouldn't want her coz she thinks that he thinks she's childish (lol how many thinks). Thanks!

𝐋𝐞𝐭 𝐦𝐞 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 (𝐋𝐞𝐯𝐢 𝐀𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐧 𝐱 𝐅𝐞𝐦!𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫)

→ Text: Hi there sweet anon! Thank you for letting me know that you love my work 🥺 that makes me happy! And this is such a cute idea♡ ♡ I hope you enjoy this and let me know what you think about it if you can! Hope you see this and sorry it took awhile :,( Also, while writing this I was inspired by this song called kiss u better by Katzù Oso and Lady (Hear Me Tonight) by Modjo 🥰 they both were stuck in my head when I got your request!

Synopsis: Y/N and Levi have known each other for quite awhile now. Levi clearly likes Y/N, but she feels hesitant to take things further with Levi since they are both at university(when he is ready for that!) but won’t cause she is quite nervous and insecure. Levi and even Hanji notices that, and with that Levi takes his chance and tries to win his lover’s heart after a party at Zeke’s place. To make her finally have trust in him to give him a chance, and to prove to her that he would be a great man to y/n! Finally to open her heart again back to love <3 so find out what happens! (I promise you, you won’t regret this c: many soft and fluff levi!)

cute fluff, university modern au, headcanon imagine ♡ —

It was obvious, to everyone in their university course, also around campus, that Levi and Y/N totally had a crush on each other.

But Y/N is hesitant, even though though she might have a feeling that Levi might like her too, with the many moments they shared together, the times they went out together after lectures to go to the café, walking her home, watching sunsets together (but, Levi is watching you instead) and talk out their struggles and feelings, always texting and calling her to just at least hear from her everyday, buying her snacks and food to make sure she ate, all the time going out with her to any events, would bend down and tie her shoes for her if he saw undone, and also going to the shopping mall with her to just be by her side when she shopped all around.

During long trips too or taking the bus to the university, Y/N and Levi would swap seats, she wanted the window and Levi wanted to look at you instead.

Would definitely come over to your place during the days you didn’t eat or make any food, expect him to cook for you and especially clean your place! And you both would spend the evening at the balcony, watching the nightsky and if it was a bit chilly or there was a cold breeze, he would give you his jacket. “Tch, Don't want you catching a cold.”

Levi would also give her and buy her some flowers on special days such as her birthday, celebrations, and would just give you some if you ever felt sad! He wanted to see you happy all the time <3

Everyone at first thought Y/N and Levi were a couple and Levi was just being shy about it to not mention or talk about it. But in fact, it was Y/N who didn’t try and push the relationship to the next step. As she was feeling quite reluctant about it, feeling insecure that she was younger than him by 5 years and thought Levi was just doing all of these things to her as a ‘nice act’ and being polite and respectful. But, Y/N has no idea that one of Levi’s top love language was actually ‘acts of service’!

Levi is not the kind of man who would just do all of these things just randomly to someone unless he knows them pretty well and if he over does them, then he actually loves them! He would only do these things for Y/N knowing that she would like it, and he would honestly give up his time for you, and you only.

It was a long tiring day at university, but finally it was the last lecture for the day and the end of the first Semester! Y/N got up and took her stuff, ready to leave the lecture hall when Hanji jumped from behind her, giving her a hug around her shoulder. “Y/N! We finally finished!” Hanji said in their usual happy and cheerful tone. You smiled at Hanji and patted their head, “Yup, and the semester break started.” You said as you both left, heading to the university café.

Hanji smirked and elbowed Y/N to the side, “Soooo, I have been realizing for quite a while that you and Levi are getting at it, Huh.” Hanji said with a wink and started drinking their iced coffee drink, looking at Y/N who their cheeks started to heat up.

“W-What? It’s not what you are thinking though...” You mumbled and started to take your own drink, sipping it and looking away. “No way. You both are STILL not dating?! Why don’t you just confess to him? I can’t handle it anymore, you both are clearly in love with each other!” Hanji now started to squeal and was amazed how you and Levi were still not taking your relationship to the next step after being with him for such a long time. “Quiet down! I don’t want anyone to hear. But...I’m not sure, he might just think I am childish a-and might not want me..” You mumbled the last part and then gave out a sad sigh while looking down to your shoes, you were quite down about it whenever you thought about how you badly wanted to confess your feelings to him, but with how older he was to you, you probably just thought he was better off with someone else. You really did love him, but....does he? With the way he constantly checks up on you and asks about you, Y/N just wondered that he might just only do that cause he only worries for her only.

“Y/N! Wake up girl. Have ever you seen him treat you like this to anyone else? No!” Hanji wanted so badly to let you know that Levi did actually have a crush on you, but they promised Levi (well was threated by Levi) that they wouldn’t tell her.

You were about to question and ask about what Hanji meant when suddenly, Connie, Sasha and Mikasa came by. “Yo! Did you guys hear?” Connie said with a grin and brought a chair to join them, while Sasha and Mikasa tagged along giving you a little wave. “There is gonna be a party at Zeke’s place tonight! He invited us! I heard it’s gonna be crazy though.”

“As long there is free food, I am in!” Sasha said with a nod, already planning what she will eat first when she first goes there. Mikasa looked at you and then asked, “Y/N, if you are going. I’ll tag along.” She said while looking at you, waiting for a response. Zeke was a popular guy at your university and course, he knew everyone and everyone seemed to like him. You were once placed in the same group project with him and he helped you out a lot, and even during exams he seemed to be friendly enough to share you his notes to you! Y/N never got the chance to have a proper chat with him though.

But instead Hanji replied yelling out, “Oh hell Yea I am in! I never had the chance to hang out with Zeke, but I so wanna go to this party! Y/N Let’s go Please!” Hanji begged, giving you their usual puppy eyes and you sighed while getting up from your seat. “I’ll see and let you guys know.” You sighed and when you looked at your friends, all of them looked behind you and had a surprised look on their face. You went blank, and turned around slowly. Shit.

It was, Zeke. “Hey There.” Zeke said with a smirk and approached you closer, “Y/N, Yea?”

You stood there, all shocked and surprised, how the ‘cool popular guy’ from your university is actually talking to you right now. You felt all eyes on you and your friends were all there, their eyes widen and were seeing what the hell was gonna happen.

“Y-Yea. Um, do you need something?” Y/N said in a nervous tone, not sure what to say or do. “Yea, Come tonight to my party.” Zeke said bluntly, and you were about to question him why when Hanji suddenly held both of your shoulders and yelled out. “Yes Yes! We are all coming!”

“Great! See you all tonight, and you too...Y/N.” Zeke said in a flirty tone while he kept his eyes on you, then walked off. You just stood there, all surprised and taken aback at how quickly things escalated. “Hanji...Seriously?” You let out a sigh and decided to walk out of the café, while Mikasa, Hanji, Connie and Sasha tagged you along. All talking about what to wear and when they are going.

As you were walking with them, you got a text message. When you saw who it was, you made a big smile.

Levi: Hey, Where are you now?

Y/N: With the others, still at campus though. Something up?

Levi: No. Also, was wondering what are your plans for tonight.

You stopped walking, and stood still, and you felt your cheeks go hot. You really liked it when Levi asked you out for hang outs.

Y/N: Well, Hanji and the others are begging me to go to Zeke’s party. So going there tonight.

Levi:....Okay, I am coming too. Don’t go in without me.

“Oh, Levi is coming too.” You said aloud to yourself but Hanji heard it and was so shocked. “Levi? You mean Levi ACKERMAN? That guy never ever goes out with any of us, especially to parties.”

After hearing what Hanji said, you wondered and thought, maybe just maybe....he might like you? But you later shook the thought off away from your mind.

You decided in the end to go and just meet your friends and Levi in front of Zeke’s place. You started to get ready once you got back to your place as the evening was approaching wore your favourite outfit, and just get the night over with. Hopefully nothing crazy happens right? I mean you had Levi and your other friends. So surely, it will be okay.

The night approached, and you were outside Zeke’s place, his house was huge as expected from a popular university student. You suddenly felt a hand on your shoulder and you turned to see the person you loved most, Levi.

“O-Oh, Hey!!” You quickly said, quite taken aback with his sudden appearance. “Was trying to call you out but guess you didn’t hear me.” He said with a teasing tone and went to hug you gently. He noticed what you wore, and to him anything you wore always looked beautiful and pretty to his eyes, he just wanted to say it and say how great you looked but he knew he could not do that. “You good? Where is four eyes and the others.” He said trying to ignore his thought while he had a slight faint blush which you didn’t notice.

“Soon, they are coming. Lets go in though, I think Miche and some others went ahead too.” You said looking around and as you started to head in, Levi held you hand and said calmly but had a nervous tone in him. “Wait um, I don't want us to separate so c-can I hold your hand?” Levi said but then quickly looked away, cursing himself for stuttering like an idiot in front of the the girl he loves.

You felt your face burning up and you held out your hand to him, and nodded, to which he gently held your hand and you both entered inside Zeke’s place. Wondering what the other side awaits.

It was crowded, too crowded. You felt nervous but with Levi’s soft touch holding your hand tightly, you felt relieved and safe, he was there holding you tightly, making sure no one weird was behind you and he would let you walk in front of him as he put his hand on your shoulder. Levi was honestly keep his eye out for you, it was his instinct to protect you and always making sure you are comfortable and safe. Afterall, you did mean a lot to him.

“Hey! Y/N came and Woah....Levi!” Miche yelled out waving at the both of you while Nanaba was by his side smirking at you two. You quickly let go of Levi’s hand and went away from him, Levi glanced at you on his side, a bit hurt how you let your hand go, how he didn't get to feel your touch anymore.

“Tch....What is it.” Levi said in his usual annoyed tone and gave them his stoic expression because of how they interrupted, and making Y/N letting go of him. “Zeke was waiting for you guys, Come on.” Nanaba said while a grin and kept her hand around Y/N’s shoulder to guide her and Levi to where Zeke and the others are at. Apparently he gathered around certain people and you and your other friends where among them!

You saw all your friends, Jean, Mikasa, Armin, Eren, Sasha, Connie and Hanji and many others you recognize! You spotted Zeke talking to Pieck Finger, another popular girl in your university and once you both had eye contact together, he got up and waved at you. “Hey you came!” Zeke said with a happy tone and approached you, he then noticed Levi who was clearly glaring at him. “Oh. Levi.” Zeke said bluntly and looked away from him, completely ignoring Levi and gave Y/N a smirk. “Let’s begin the fun, sweetheart?” You were taken aback when he called you that, Wait..did he actually call me that?

This fucking bastard. Levi thought as he was trying to control himself not to twist the guy’s hand when he placed his hand on your shoulder.

“Okay everyone listen up! Since the first semester finished, and to celebrate. To have a little fun, I decided let’s all play Drink or Dare!” Everyone now got hyped up and gathered around, sitting in the coaches and were all excited. You had a weird gut feeling about this as you sat next to Jean while Levi followed you and leaned aganist the coach side with his arms crossed, completely not interested in what the hell Zeke is doing, but he was just here for you.

“But...If no one does the Dare I tell them, you have to drink something I made instead and nothing else.” He pointed at the big bottle that was on the table, it had a label saying Zeke’s Spinal Fluid which you found really odd for a drink to be called like that. Afterall, he was the kind of guy who would do these random things. You figured it might have been just a weird mixture of juices all together. You asked Armin to which he said that he was not even sure himself what was in the drink and would prefer to do the dares instead!

It went by turns and everyone seemed to have been doing the dares they were told to do, such as Jean getting a dare from Eren to call a random number and try to flirt with the person whoever picks up (and how he terribly failed on that, making everyone laugh like crazy). Overall, the night was going great and everyone seemed to having fun, including yourself! Although, you did not notice though that Levi, this whole time couldn’t take his eyes off you and Zeke noticed that instead. This was now Zeke’s time to ‘shine’.

“Okay. I got a dare for you. Y/N.” Zeke said with a smirk, looking directly at your eyes with his arms crossed, which made you jolt a bit, and this got everyone’s attention. Everyone was now curious what kind of dare Zeke would give you.

“Hm...” He stood there thinking and pushing his glasses a bit up, Levi started to slowly get irritated and was ready to beat this guy up anytime. He hated how he caught Zeke seductively looking at you and would sometimes add in flirty comments to you during the game, he found him extremely annoying and hated him even more.

“I dare you to kiss me.” He said bluntly with a grin, this made everyone yell out with a surprise, especially Hanji. “Oh my god! How lucky of her, Zeke is a great kisser Y/N!” Pieck said with a giggle, as soon as Zeke was gonna approach you, Levi got up and stood in front of him.

“Fuck that. I’m not gonna allow it.” Levi said with such a enraged and threatening tone while he glared at Zeke. Levi’s eyebrows frowned and his jawline was now tensed up, he was now ready to fucking kill the guy. How could he even make such a dare to Y/N? Levi clearly knew that he was trying to get on his nerves ever since he met him.

“I mean....I asked Y/N. And if not, she needs to drink. I mean it is part of the game!” Zeke said playfully while looking at you. Y/N now felt worried, she definitely did not want her first kiss to be with Zeke! and also she definitely did not want to drink Zeke’s drink as she felt very uncomfortable about it. But, she mostly felt worried for Levi, worried if he would actually beat up the popular guy and getting in trouble of it because of her!

Y/N quickly got up and held on Levi’s arm which made him slowly control his anger a bit with Zeke. But what happened next shocked you.

Levi went to the table, picked up Zeke’s Spinal Fluid drink and poured the whole drink on the floor. “No. Fuck you and your game anyways shit face.” Levi said in a pissed tone, his jaw still clenched and he gave Zeke such an intense eye contact which actually scared him a bit and took a step back, away from Levi. Everyone now was all shocked by what Levi did, they never saw him go this mad or angry, and the fact that it was because of this dare to Y/N was even more shocking. Most of the reason is also because Levi would never tolerate anyone who would make you feel uncomfortable or put you in a situation you didn’t like.

Levi then, just grabbed your hand and took you out of the room, and out of his place, you just held his hand tightly, looked at his back, his undercut and your eyes would widen. Feeling all the butterflies now in your stomach slowly growing, and having also getting your fuzzy feeling. You loved how Levi just did that all, for you.

You haven’t even realized, after walking out for such a long time with Levi, still holding his hand and looking at him from behind. You felt shy and even nervous to say anything, Y/N then looked around and realized they ended up in small garden park and Levi gestured you towards a bench to sit that was near the both of you.

“Hey. You okay?” Levi said, looking down at you with both of his hands in his pockets, focusing on your eyes and facial expressions for any sign of you feeling scared or uncomfortable. But found none, and instead you were calm and happy.

“Yup. Thanks Levi.” You said shyly and looked away. It was now quiet between the both of you. Levi wondered and thought to himself, why did he react like that earlier. He could have just easily walked you out with him and not say anything or even not pour the whole drink away, ruining the game and the mood. But, he didn’t care. Levi did then admit to himself that he actually felt a bit jealous when he saw how other guys tried to approach you, how they talked to you, and how you smiled at them when he barely gets to see that from you sometimes (and it was just because you were shy when it comes to your crush, Levi).

And Zeke, made it all worse and terrible for him. He hated how he just had the audacity to just flirt with you and touch you, Levi swore the next time he sees him, he will make sure to twist his arm.

He looked back at you, and then mumbled something, which got Y/N’s attention. “Hm? I didn’t quite hear that. What did you say?” You said in a curious tone and looked up at Levi, who was shyly looking away from you, and he started to slowly go red.

“I said....” Levi then mumbled it again the last few words. ‘What?!’ You thought to yourself, all confused and Levi then sigh and looked at you. Finally saying what was in his mind tonight to you. He didn’t care anymore, just being at the party tonight and all made him realize that he had to let you know how he really felt.

“Tch...I said that...I can kiss you better than that shit face.” You stood there, feeling as if your whole face burned up, and you jolted up from your seat. Not believing what he actually said. Levi then looked at you, and you could see his cheeks go red, feeling all embarrassed and flustered while scratching the back of his head. Oh my god. Was your words on repeat in your head this whole time.

Now, Levi had an internal monologue on whether what he was gonna do and say was the right or wrong thing. But it was now or never to tell Y/N whom he knew for quite a while that he was in love with her. He couldn't handle this foreign feeling he kept feeling all the time with you and every time he tried to avoid it, it kept growing.

He then mastered all his courage and took your hand and slightly pulled it while caressing it. “I hope that it’s true...”

“What it?” You said quietly but still having your shocked expression.

“If you are feeling what I am feeling now....Please let me know that it’s real.” Now, he sounded real soft, and he was begging you to finally give him a chance, to let him know and not to ignore this feeling you both shared, it was hard for him to even explain it and say it in words to you and he hoped you got his message. “Just hear me out tonight.” Even thought he was feeling a bit overwhelmed at how you might still not accept him and this. You were shocked, and surprised because this whole time you thought Levi wouldn’t want someone like you. He wouldn’t confess unless he knew for sure you reciprocated this feeling he had, but he wanted to hear it from you.

You nodded slightly and finally looked at him, at his eyes which was now glisten and realizing his love for you is real, while his pupil size increases, looking at you.

“Y/N, I’m falling for you. And, I can’t get you out of my mind.” He now took your other hand, and pulled you a bit slower, still looking at your eyes. “I am feeling love for the first time when it comes with you...I can also tell by the look in your eyes that...you do too.” He said gently and brought his hand to softly touch your side cheek, you felt his cold fingers warming up your cheek that you still felt burning up.

“So....Please let me love you. And give me a chance?” You finally felt your heart warm up but also melt at the same time, the fuzzy feeling kept on growing and your eyes now soften, to your eyes now tearing up, letting out your emotions. You felt happy and loved. And you thought, at long last love has arrived for Y/N, one which you craved a lot, especially from Levi. You decided to open your heart up for him and it was the best decision you ever made. Levi understood your actions and gave you a big smile, not even words can describe how he was feeling too, and he then, slowly went closer and closer to your face, to your lips, and finally. Levi kissed you. A sweet kiss under the beautiful moonlight, one you won't ever forget. Is this how love feels? How a kiss feels? Apparently it was Levi’s first kiss too and even though you both weren’t sure how to do it, you both didn’t mind, cause now you both are together, having each other, and with time Love would guide you both ♥

If only this happened sooner you wondered as you both kept on kissing and trying to kiss again and again to get the hang of it. He was happily and willing to listen if you just let him know how you were feeling from the start, but the same thing could be said to him too. And, he never found you childish, and instead he found you as his girl, which he can now say proudly.

𝐁𝐨𝐧𝐮𝐬: Apparently, it turned out that Zeke played out an act and everyone was part of it! It was mainly Hanji’s plan just to get Levi’s nerves and to make him or either you confess both of your feelings ASAP as everyone in your university campus was shipping you both so hard. But now, Zeke is scared shit of Levi and he would never do this again, never listening and following Hanji’s plan ever again.

wow I actually loved how this work turned out!♡ I really hope you like this anon and everyone else who read this I hope you enjoyed it too🥺 Please let me know by leaving a like, a reblog or a message!

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pastxlscorp · 3 years

Text

Bully! Mitsuya Fanfic (pt.3)

Chapter III: Abidance

✿ Word Count: 3.2k

✿ Pairing: Takashi Mitsuya x reader

✿ Topics covered: (Eventual) Enemies to lovers trope, Hakkai POV, Y/N POV, Mitsuya POV, tsundere-Mitsuya, bully! Mitsuya, fem. reader, minor manga spoilers, slight angst

Awakening from his slumber, he found that the woman was no longer taking up space in his bed. He heaved a sigh of relief, only to, unfortunately, see a message from an unknown number on his phone saying “Text me when you’re free ;)” Ignoring the text, he found he had a message from Hakkai and remembered that he had abandoned him to sleep with that damn woman. However, Hakkai didn’t confront him about it, but instead acted as if nothing happened.

🗨️ Hakkai: Is the party still on for today? (Sent 2:00am)

🗨️ Mitsuya: Yeah, sorry about yesterday. I wasn’t feeling my best, I should have let you know. (Sent 10:00am)

🗨️ Hakkai: No hard feelings. Ya feeling better now Taka-chan? (Sent 10:01am)

🗨️ Mitsuya: Not really, but it’ll pass. What’d you end up doing yesterday after I left? (Sent 10:02am)

Picking up on the subtle curiosity of Mitsuya’s text, it became clear to Hakkai that he did see him with you. As much as he admired Mitsuya, the anger building inside of him got the best of him. Therefore, in response, he chose a reply that he knew would get Mitsuya boiling.

🗨️ Hakkai: Caught Y/N outside of your class, had a wonderful lunch with her! She’s so nice, Taka-chan! Why are ya so mean to her? (Sent 10:04am)

Vigorous fingers typed in reply.

🗨️ Mitsuya: Why the fuck were you hanging around that slut? She’s just gonna try and get in your pants. What did she say to you? (Sent 10:04am)

🗨️ Mitsuya: Hakkai? Hello? (Sent 10:05am)

🗨️ Hakkai: Sorry Taka-chan, I’m back. She didn’t say nuthin bad, actually she was so sweet. She saw I was alone and we both had some tea together back at her place. Ended up sleeping over, I’m still here actually! (Sent 10:05am)

🗨️ Mitsuya: BACK AT HER PLACE? I told you, she’s just trying to get in your pants and you let her win! I can’t believe you let a whore like her win you over, Hakkai! Where the fuck is your brain? She probably was enjoying every minute of your sorry ass. (Sent 10:05am)

🗨️ Hakkai: Who said we slept together, Taka? (Sent 10:05am)

Silence enveloped the room.

🗨️ Mitsuya: Sorry… I just assumed that’s what you meant by sleeping over. (Sent 10:07am)

🗨️ Hakkai: Awh, it’s okie Taka, I know you were only looking out for me. (Sent 10:07am)

Absolutely, looking out for Hakkai. That’s what this was, that’s what he was doing. There couldn’t have been any other reason why he was so upset at the thought of you sleeping together. He was just being a good friend.

-----

┃ “Y/N!” the hoarse voice spoke to you, feeling the smooth cloth of his jacket pressed against your face as you bumped into him.

You looked up only to recognize Hakkai, kind thoughts flooding your mind, diminishing your anger stemming from your interaction with Mitsuya moments before. He grinned at you giddily, eyes relaxing any sort of tension left in your body. You slowly began to forget why you were mad and allowed yourself to indulge in his presence.

┃ “Good afternoon Hakkai! Waiting for Mitsuya?”

┃ “Mhm, you takin’ Designer 101 too, right?”

┃ “Yup! How come you aren’t taking it? You’re very fashionable, y’know?”

┃ “You’re too kind,” He giggled, his grin beginning to somehow grow wider on his cheeks as he raised his hand to pat your head.

┃ “I’m serious! Why don’t you join the class? It’s not too late, the second semester is about to start!” You eagerly pushed on, rejoicing in the positive energy he emitted.

┃ “ ‘m not really into making clothes, just showing them off...” He let out a hefty chuckle before getting cut off by you.

┃ “You don’t have to be good at making them! Some students choose to learn how to stylize different clothing and patterns, it’s all about the latest trends.”

┃ “Really?” He went silent for a few moments, smile morphing into a straight line as he contemplated your words carefully. Not to fret, as his smile quickly returned as he said: “Well then, might have to ask Taka-chan to help me sign up!”

You both shared a laugh and began to discuss the enrollment process in order for Hakkai to join the class-- if he were to drop another class, what class would he drop, or would he simply add it to his current schedule? While your conversation was nothing more than an innocent developing friendship, unbeknownst to you, Mitsuya had witnessed it all and declared it once more another betrayal. You were such a slut, flirting with anyone and everyone. Irrationality began to consume him-- instead of seeing your interaction with Hakkai for what it truly was, a genuine developing friendship, his brain refused to comprehend your behavior with other men. He never got to the level of comfortability you had with Takemichi, and he had lost the sense of ease you had with him to Hakkai and god, god did it piss him off. Unfortunately for that kohai, she was just another doll for him to play with just until he could get your attention again. Even a single drop of your attention, your attachment, it was enough to drive him for weeks just to be able to be near you again. Your kind words squeezing his heart tighter and tighter the more you spoke, your laughter ringing in his ears at a corny joke he told you during club meetings, it enveloped him into infatuation which later developed into a larger feeling. Such a large feeling over the progressing months that when he began bullying you, when your lack of presence and absences during meetings began to grow, an emptiness began to root in his heart, waiting for you to touch it once more and let it grow.

He could go on and on listing things about you-- the way he loved your sense of fashion, the way he loved your sense of humor, your compassion to helping others, your intellect that allowed you to read everyone like a book, everyone except him. Why couldn’t you see that he didn’t hate you? Oh, but that jealousy, the first time he’d admit that it was jealousy, it gripped him so tightly around his neck that it felt suffocating. Every shove, every clasp of your hand, your wrist, your chain, your chain, it made his heart shutter seeing that dead watery look in your eye, but your attention was like a drug that he just had to keep getting more of. It would never be enough to satisfy him, not until he could call you his and you would call him yours. He pitied using them, he really did, but he needed someone to satiate his needs. He was a womanizer, after all-- if one left he would just charm another into his bed. They all had high respect for Mitsuya, his intellect, his charm, his skill, and his kindness. Yet no matter how hard he tried, all those women, they were never you and they could never try and be you. He found that he no longer sought sex for his own pleasure anymore, but for your own, pretending so desperately that the one trembling out of pleasure beneath him was you. Imagining, no, fantasizing that he was making you happy and leaving you satisfied.

Upon seeing your interaction, he quickly left with his kohai for their own exchange, leaving Hakkai unfortunately confused as he waved you goodbye, patiently waiting for his friend to meet him. You were still on campus because you had taken additional extracurricular activities to build up your transcript to make up for your absences in Mitsuya’s Home-economics club. At first, you attempted to make it through the club meetings but he made every single one as unbearable as possible. The second semester, could it come any sooner? Hakkai, too focused on organizing his schedule with you previously, had failed to notice Mitsuya leaving with a woman. He waited, he waited, and he waited, coming to a good hour until he realized Mitsuya wouldn’t have left him waiting for this long without a heads up. He looked at his phone, expecting some sort of contact-- a phone call, a message, anything. All that awaited him was several unread messages from group chats and friends, none of them from Taka-chan. He sighed, placing his phone away just as he noticed your presence once more, planting a fake smile on his face to disguise his obvious disappointment. Unfortunately for him, his smile only instantly alerted you something was wrong.

┃ “Hakkai? Why are you still here, weren’t you supposed to be meeting Mitsuya?”

┃ His phony smile stood in place as tears began to fill his eyes. He croaked: “T-taka-chan left me. Do you think he’s mad at me for sumthin’, Y/N? I don’t ‘member doin’ anything.”

You instantly rushed over to comfort him, witnessing what appeared to be an intimidating giant become undone into a fragile teddy bear at the thought he had upset his best friend. Your disdain only kept growing for Mitsuya, first it was his lack of maturity during class, and now he had abandoned his best friend for whatever reason it was. Hakkai was a sweetheart, you couldn’t imagine what he may have done to upset someone. Therefore, you came to the conclusion Mitsuya had thrown a tantrum of sorts and took it out on him. It irked you, however, Mitsuya always remained respectful and loving to his best friend in addition to Yasuda-san, so you couldn’t help but raise your brow wondering what got him so upset for him to entirely ditch his friend. Pushing those thoughts aside, you placed all of your focus on bringing a smile back to Hakkai’s face, gently rubbing his back and placing your forehead against his temple as he crouched over in defeat. You desperately attempted to think of anything to cheer him up.

┃ “Ah, how about some tea?”

┃ “...Tea?”

┃ “Listen, I have absolutely no idea what you like and I want to calm you down so-”

┃ “Tea sounds good.” He said softly, a small smile returning to his face.

You escorted Hakkai comfortably back to your dorm, located on the east wing of the campus. Women and men could go to each other’s dorms, they just had gender-separated wings because it was just easier to contain the chaos if everyone was allowed to sleep with their girlfriend or boyfriend. The boys had their dormitory on the west side, thus you noticeably got some glances as you strolled with Hakkai. Mitsuya was always surrounded by Hakkai and Yasuda-san, so obviously most of your classmates were shocked to see you hanging out with his right-hand man. Were you both sleeping together? Ooh what a scandal (not). Although you didn’t mind the glanes too much, Hakkai on the other hand made sure to shoot down them all with a nasty side glare, quickly causing them to turn their cheek. It was a cute sight after all, seeing how you subconsciously had reached for his hand and began to rub gentle circles on it in order to ease him, which succeeded in doing so. Once you arrived at your dorm, you opened the door and gave him a show of jazz hands as you toured him around your dorm. Your dorm wasn’t the largest compared to his and Mitsuya’s dorm, which made him realize the privilege of not having a financially aided dorm. Your queen bed comfortably rested on the right side of the room, covered with a curtain and fairy lights on the wall behind it. Your desk was not too far away, maybe a good 15 feet across your bed, not too messy but not too neat. It was obvious you were working on something, as there were papers still out and scattered but the rest of the desk had the pens, pencils, and stapled papers sorted in a clean pile. Your pinboard was half-covered with your calendar, cluttered with small sticker reminders while the other half was your schedule, nicely decorated with washi tape sticking it to the board. Next to your bed was a wooden closet and you led him into the cramped kitchen that made him gasp, seeing how you make such a tight space so comfortable and presentable. You had a small glass coffee table in the middle, a small fridge cramped in the kitchen underneath a cupboard and next to a cabinet holding the sink on top. Next to that was a stove with a microwave on top, both color-coordinated black, contrasting the white of the room. You guided him over to the table and motioned for him to sit and he obediently did. Walking over to the countertop holding an old-school kettle, you used it to strain and brew the tea. Gleefully, you dropped a few ice cubes in his glass and carefully poured his tea and then your own, sitting across from him at the table. He took a sip of the tea you had placed in front of him, smiling not at the delightful taste but the awaiting face you had fixated, putting your hands under your chin waiting for a response.

┃ “This tea is delightful, thank you Y/N.” He said warmly and you basked in his praise.

┃ “Ah, sorry if I made you uncomfortable with the staring. I don’t… really get visitors. It’s nice to have someone over.” You replied, your face beginning to glow a light pink as your lips formed into a slight frown, embarrassed to admit how you had no friends.

┃ “Mm, I should be the one thankin’ you,” The softness in his voice made your crouched posture fix itself as you looked up to him. “You made me sum tea, opened me to your home, all ‘cuz I was sad and overthinkin’. You ain’t hafta do that, but you did anyway. I appreciate ya!” His iconic grin was now back where it belonged as his eyes glazed over you in pure adoration. You smiled in return, both returning to take a sip of your tea.

Hours passed and he was still at your house, you both gossiping and talking like old friends. You discussed your classmates, praising them and disapproving of the behavior of others. He began to confide in you about what he witnessed during his time as the second-division’s vice captain. You eagerly listened to him as he described to you his tales with his brother and his amazing sister Yuzuha, anything and everything was up for debate. At least, almost everything. Despite being the main reason he was so upset, you and Hakkai had not discussed Mitsuya’s treatment of you. He was mentioned in a few gang stories, but it seemed as if Hakkai was opting out of speaking about him out of respect for you. However, his head began to slump, implying he was tired. You grabbed your phone, which had been placed upside down on the coffee table, and looked at the time and saw it was well past midnight. You leaned over to rub Hakkai’s shoulder and you gasped when his head turned back upright, alert as if he just remembered something. Drunk on drowsiness, he began to speak:

┃ “Mmh, y’know Mitsuya used to talk about you a lot. Always went on about this pretty girl who was awfully sweet, really smart…” He trailed off, fighting off the sleep that clung desperately to his eyelids. “He never gave me a name but after club meetings when I woulds wait for him, he would tell me about his conversations. I always saw him looking at ya. What did ya do to make him so pissed off?” Although he had no malicious-intent in his questioning, it was enough to cause goosebumps all over your body.

┃ “I didn’t do anything, ‘kai. Really, nothing different happened that day. All of the sudden, the next day during his club he humiliated me in front of everyone and then made me stay after hours to yell at me even more.” You went silent for a moment, before your curiosity got the best of you and you questioned: “He used to talk about me? Are you sure?”

┃ Ignoring your question, he replied to your initial response. “You didn’t do anythin’ different at all that day?”

┃ You contemplated his question carefully, before realizing the one event that was an outlier to the rest. “I was waiting for my friend outside campus gates that day. He offered to wait with me but I insisted he didn’t, mainly because my friend had said Mitsuya wasn’t very fond of him so it was better if he didn’t see him.”

┃ “Who’s the friend?”

┃ “Hanagaki Takemichi.”

┃ The tired man in front of you took a full minute to process your sentence before bursting out and crying of laughter a few moments later. You looked at him, pure confusion coating your body as he continued to sob. Finally, after a few minutes, he wiped his eyes and sat back up, gleaming at you. “Well that’s your problem, Mitsuya fucking hates Takemichy. Probably spied on ya because he was worried, saw Takemichy, and boom-- he got jealous AHAHA!” He went back to crying of laughter, leaving you a few moments to yourself to process his words.

It was embarrassing to admit how Hakkai was half-asleep in front of you and somehow managed to put together your puzzle of confusion together months after said incident had happened, in under 20 minutes. However, you couldn’t find yourself disagreeing with his theory. Suddenly, Hakkai stopped laughing and looked up at you, all serious.

┃ “Now wait… that’s not funny! He’s been pushing ya around all the time just cuz he’s jealous of you being with other guys?! That’s fucked up! ‘M gonna beat his ass, Y/N! Just for you!”

You now began laughing, taking Hakkai’s hand in yours over the glass countertop and tapping it gently.

┃ “That won’t be necessary, ‘kai. How about we come up with a solution?”

┃ “My solution is beating his a-”

┃ “A non-physical solution.”

┃ He went silent for a few moments, looking away from you to the window to think. You could tell he thought of something when a smirk began to plaster itself on his face. “How about we test our theory?”

┃ “Elaborate.”

┃ “If that pain in my ass is done with whatever it is he’s doing, there was supposta be a party tomorrow. Not at our dorm, but our friend’s. You might have heard of him, Manjiro Sano?”

You responded with silence.

┃ “Mikey. The Invincible Mikey.”

┃ “Not ringing any bells.”

┃ “Brother of Emma Sano. Brother of Izana.”

┃ “Emma Sano is so nice!”

┃ “Captain of the Tokyo Manji Gang, Y/N.”

┃ “Oh.”

┃ “Point is, he’s having a party tomorrow. We could get some revenge, I bring you as my date~”

┃ “Won’t that make him angri-

┃ “That’s what revenge is.”

┃ “Why don’t I just talk with him?”

┃ “Has he tried talking to you?”

┃ “...no.”

┃ “I rest my case.”

Silence enveloped the room once more. It wasn’t an awkward silence, no, it was quite a comfortable silence actually as he patiently awaited your response and allowed you to process and think.

┃ “When is the party exactly?”

✿ tags: @haiq-trash @blackmysticalsimp @the2ndl @bren-heron @delicatejudgecopcowboy @skiwalkers

✿ a.n. // First of all, thank you so much for 102 followers <3 I appreciate the support being given to me! I would like to address one thing, however, please don't rush me to write! I've gotten very kind messages of support but others have been demanding more of me and it's important to remember that I have classes, chores, a social life, and many other things happening. I love writing but rushing me makes it unenjoyable and it won't be my best work. My goal for this ongoing fanfic is to post weekly. Just a little ted-talk there, I hope everyone enjoys this chapter though! I had such a fun time writing it :)

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delu-jean · 3 years

Text

𝐈𝐬 𝐇𝐞 𝐌𝐢𝐧𝐞? (𝐏𝐭 𝟐)

(Akaashi x fem!/reader) -> Angst/Fluff? -> 3.2k

Synopsis: Akaashi is strolling through Tokyo, and on that day, meets a boy who looks all too familiar. One whose eyes remind him of you.

Part One: Is He Mine?

Part Three: Is Her Mine? (Part. 3)

Notes: Part two as promised! Maybe I’ll make a part three (haha >:)). Be sure to comment if you would liked to be tagged for the next part, and reblogs are always appreciated.

-> Also, for those tagged in this post, I’ll tag you in the next as well ^^

“Y/n...please tell me.”

“T-tell you what?” you asked nervously, as he felt just the same. Inhaling his breath, hoping he could keep calm.

“Is...is he mine?”

---

“Is he who’s?”

“Mine Y/n...is he mine?”

You stared at the gentleman. Though his question was reasonable (?), that was the first thing he was going to ask you?...after all of those years?...years of torment, resentment, and whatever else. Maybe you were overreacting, but yet again, you were a woman who stood by her morals. And that being the case, your instincts had said your reaction was as reasonable as his question.

Some part of you wanted to snap. To holler at Akaashi for asking such a ridiculous question, yet the other part...was scared. You felt anxious when thinking of a proper answer. Was Ryu his?.... If taken out of context, he could’ve been asking if Ryu belonged to him, and of course he didn’t. Ryu wasn’t an object that could be owned by merely anyone. He was his own person, and that being the case, wasn’t something that could’ve been held down. Yet even though you could’ve interpreted it that way, you knew what Akaashi really meant. Yet you didn’t exactly have an answer.

“Ryu?”

“Yeah...”

Akaashi seemed suspicious. He could tell you were hiding something, and even though very obvious, he didn’t want to assume. Hoping that you would confirm things so that you both could talk it out. Yet here you were, not giving him a response. He was confused to say the least, shouldn’t the answer have been easy? Ryu looked exactly like him, and plus, him not having a father was another takeaway. Using those facts should’ve given him enough confirmation.

But then again, maybe the answer wasn’t as easy as it should’ve been. What if Ryu wasn’t his?...what if Akaashi had made an assumption out of impulse, because of a lingering feeling he had. One of which you sparked for him to feel.

Maybe he was being delusional, and instead, was trying to make an excuse. An excuse to spend another minute, even a second with you there. Ryu was important to him as well. His or not, he respected that you had started a family, and was glad Ryu was a part of it. He adored Ryu, but he also admired you. Speaking of Ryu, the boy then clung onto you. He seemed confused about the interaction, and tried asking for clarification.

“His? *GASP* Am I Akaashi’s brother!? Momma, you never told me!” he smiled happily, ecstatic at the news.

��Eh-no dear, he’s not your brother,” you chuckled, for him to ask:

“Then what did he mean? What did you mean, Akaashi?” you then stared at Akaashi. You knew he was smart enough to play things through, and even so, you still panicked the slightest bit.

“I was wondering if you would be mine for the night, along with your mother. We could go grab dinner, or ice cream even,” you looked at him in shock as his eyes seemed determined. Needing an answer, and willing to get it in whatever scenario possible.

“But what about Kuroo?”

“Oh my, I forgot about that,” you then glanced at your watch.

“Kuroo?...but how-oh….” Akaashi then thought about how you and Kuroo were very close friends. So close that sometimes, he would even find you hanging out with Kuroo, over himself. Though it wasn’t because you liked him (in that way), rather, you were both very good friends. Akaashi let it be since you both had mutual trust, and Kuroo was someone he was also friends with. Besides, Akaashi also respected your personal life with others, and so did you for him.

They still talked till this day, and not once had Kuroo mentioned you having a child. But to be fair, Kuroo never mentioned you. That being because both you and Akaashi had broken up, and it would’ve been an uncomfortable topic. Still, Akaashi found it strange. If Kuroo knew, wouldn’t Bokuto have as well?...meaning that Akaashi would’ve known by now? His thoughts continued to trail as you looked at him in disbelief.

You did have plans with Kuroo, but then, you also had a couple hours until he’d come around. Even so, you didn’t want to spend that time with Akaashi. He was one of the last people you needed to talk to. The grudge which still stood in your heart, clenched with each second he stood there. The anger which he had gifted you, was something that was eager to return. As you had thought this, you then stared at your son. He seemed thrilled to be with such a man, as he gripped onto Akaashi’s hand in excitement, saying:

“Yay! We get to eat together!”

“We’re going to have so much fun!”

“Let’s try some bubble waffles!”

You then remembered that even if you had felt that, your son instead felt joy being with Akaashi. And that being the case, you didn’t have the right to take that happiness away. After all, Ryu was not yours either. He wasn’t someone you could drag away from events, just because you had conflicts with a person. Though there were times where doing so was appropriate, was now really such an event?...not even you could answer that. But even though you couldn’t, his smile which brightened the mood, had answered for you.

“Okay buddy, slow down. Fine, we can go with brother...Akaashi. We’ll meet Kuroo sometime later, just let me text him.”

“Okay mom! Akaashi, Up!” you then eyed the boy, for him to insist regardless.

“Please mom! He’s so tall, and I can see everything-”

“Ryu no-”

“Sure, what not?” Akaashi then grabbed the boy, placed him on his shoulders, and secured his legs with his hands. You then sighed. If Akaashi had agreed, what could you do? You then texted Kuroo, grabbing your bag firmly as Akaashi spoke:

“I know a place where we could grab ramen. If not, we could instead-”

“No, ramen is fine,” you said in a stoic tone.

“Okay...then let’s get going.”

---

The walk to the outdoor stand was awkward. Well...for you and Akaashi at least. The last time you two spoke, was the day he broke things off. He never reached out to you during that time, and now...here you both were. Expected to have a lengthy conversation, and to enjoy yourselves. Key word, “expected.” Though it would’ve been nice if you both could have talked care free, it wasn’t going to happen. That event occurred when both parties have mutually moved on. From Akaashi’s perspective, he still had lingering thoughts, yet kept them to the side. Going on with his life as he expected you did yours. Though he thought you had moved on, you had thought differently for different reasons.

Even though you both had your differences, Ryu was there. Entertaining the both of you separately. He complimented you one second, and played with Akaashi the next. You had never seen Akaashi so enthusiastic with a child before. Though he wasn’t going all crazy, and acting like a kid himself, he was being a lot more open. Talking back and forth with Ryu, giving nice remarks, and also rewarding him...with that beautiful smile he bestowed.

Even so, you tried to ignore it. Remembering that this entire ordeal was for Ryu, and not for your observations.

“We’re here. What do you want Ryu?”

“Hm, could I get the one with Tonkatsu? I’ve been craving it all day!”

“Haha, sure buddy. And...you, Y/n?”

“I’m not hungry, you guys go ahead,” Akaashi then sighed, obviously not believing you.

“We’ll get two Tonkatsu ramens, along with Fukuoka ramen.”

“Sure, that’ll be $18.35 please.”

“Debit-”

“Um...I can pay for both Ryu and I,” you said, as you tried scrambling for your wallet. Akaashi then tapped the machine, placing his hand on your own (the hand in your purse).

“It’s fine. Afterall, I already paid,” you shook your head, but let it go as Ryu pointed to a table.

“Come on! Let’s sit!”

---

“Akaashiii~!”

“What is Ryu?”

“How do you know mommy? Mommy would never talk to a stranger, so that means you both know each other.”

“Oh...well, um,” Ryu was truly a bright child. One who caught on a little too quickly. He really did remind you of his father. Quick witted, yet wise with his tongue. Being certain to use specific words or sentences, to ensure/secure his curiosities.

“Well...mommy and Akaashi were very good friends,” you replied.

“Ahhh. So if that’s the case, why have I never met him before?”

“Well you see-”

“It’s because I live further away from you guys,” Akaashi answered.

“But so does Kuroo,” Akaashi then pondered, and placed his hands together.

“Hm, I guess you’re right. Well, maybe your mother has an answer,” the two black haired boys, then stared at you. Both were awaiting for an answer, and yet both had different intentions. One wondering out of pure curiosity, while the other...was waiting for an explanation. One which could clear up any, if not every misconception.

“Well sweetie, sometimes good friends have to part ways. Everyone has their reasons, but most of the time…” you then looked at Akaashi.

“It’s because it’s for the better,” his gaze was locked onto yours. The stare was unreadable. It didn’t feel tense, yet it was. Was it cold, hurtful?...you wouldn’t have known. But what you did know was that Akaashi was good, too good at hiding his thoughts. So good that when together, he would let things slip without reaction. Sometimes that was a great thing...and others...not so much.

“Why would it be a good thing? You both were best friends!” you then placed a hand on his head, patting it gently.

“Well...friends have to grow up. That doesn’t mean you can’t see them again, but, what it does mean is that you’ll have some time...alone. And that time...is used for you to grow.”

“Ahh, I see mom! Is that why we don’t see Kuroo often?”

“Haha, no sweetie. That’s actually because we live further away. If Kuroo lived in our city-”

“He would be living with us, right?”

“Hm...I guess so,” Akaashi then looked in the other direction. There was no tint of emotion, just...silence.

“Akaashiiii, the ramen is here!”

“Oh, is it Ryu?”

“Yeah, it is!” your bowls were then slid over. Ryu stared at Akaashi’s hands, and at first, Akaashi wasn’t sure as to why. Ryu didn’t touch his food, and at first, he was worried that the boy didn’t like it, but then noticed he was holding a pair of scissors. Pointing them towards the gentleman. Though confused, he then caught onto Ryu’s gesture.

“Dear I can-” before you could finish your sentence, Akaashi started to cut his noodles. Making them bit size for the boy. It seemed like second hand nature, yet something new to him. Though, you would’ve felt more comfortable doing it yourself, you weren’t complaining as the job was now done.

“Thanks Akaashi!”

“No problem Ryu. Now, let’s eat.”

---

You all then finished your ramen. Though you had said you weren’t hungry, you couldn’t help but eat it. After all of those years, Tonkatsu ramen was still your favourite, and Akaashi still knew. He was glad that he remembered the littlest of details. Ones which may have been overlooked. Ones he made sure to be attentive to. Not only that, but he was glad Ryu had enjoyed the meal as well. He truly was your son as he had the same tastes as you. Akaashi found it quite cute, and found it even more adorable as he ran out of the restaurant, shouting:

“Mom, Akaashi! I want to play at the park!”

“Hm...it’s a little late buddy,” Akaashi said, for you to respond:

“It should be fine. We’ll be over here watching Ryu. No funny business young man!”

“Okay mommy!” the young boy then climbed the slide, as Akaashi sat on the bench. Patting on it, indicating that you sat beside him. And so...you did. Your legs together, hands as well, as your head looked down. He then sighed, asking:

“Do you feel uncomfortable? I can move if-”

“No...it’s fine. We’ll be leaving soon, so no need to worry.”

“Is Kuroo picking you up?” you then nod as he did the same.

“I see...so...how have you been?”

“Oh...um...I’ve been okay. I’ve done better, but...yeah.”

“Hm, I see,” you really didn’t want to be in this situation. Maybe for him, it seemed civil, but to you...it was awkward. Neither of you knew what to say, and neither did you try to hide it (successfully at least). Akaashi then twitteled with his thumbs. A rare sight you would see every once in a while. Akaashi was a well spoken person, and usually had something to say in a well mannered way. But when he didn’t, or didn’t know what to say, he would play with his thumbs. Hoping that something would spring to mind.

“You must be having fun.”

“Fun doing what?” he looked at you.

“Playing with your thumbs,” you smirked, for him to put his hands away.

“Not really.”

“Hm...so...what have you been up to?” you asked, curious and yet not wanting to know.

“Nothing much...just work and well, Bokuto and I still hang out from time to time.”

“Ahh, really? I’m glad. You both were the bestest of friends.”

“And still are,” he smiled, while watching Ryu climb the monkey bars.

“Hm, you have a girlfriend yet?” he then paused for a moment, for him to answer:

“No...not yet. I haven’t found anyone interesting.”

“Ah, that’s unfortunate.”

Was it really?...you wouldn’t know how to think after today. If you hadn’t met Akaashi here...you would’ve thought otherwise. Glad that he hadn't found someone else, for his actions sickened you. Such a gentleman, yet someone so cruel. You would feel awful if he had grasped someone, just as tightly as he did to you. Sprinkling you with such intoxicating, yet graceful pleas, and yet he left you there to rot in such doing. Such a passionate man, yet that same person could find passion in such coldness.

For the past years, you had found him to be utterly despicable. After that one event...you couldn’t help but think that. But even so, after seeing him with Ryu today...you couldn’t help but melt. The two were so sweet together, and even though you hated to admit, had a spectacular relationship within just hours. They really acted as the best of friends, and Akaashi seemed to enjoy it. Not only that...but his smile...it was one which was truly admirable.

You then stared at Akaashi, while he watched Ryu. He really hadn’t changed. He was calm, quiet, and reserved. His posture was on parr with the rest of his body. His hair was styled more neatly, and actually, it had grown a bit, along with his height. His figure, a lot larger than what it was in university, and his cologne smelled of lavender, along with a hint of pepper. It was a strange combination, but it worked. He really had grown up to be even more attractive. And that being the case, it surprised you that he didn’t have a partner. Said attractiveness, along with the kindness of his nature...had drawn you in, and yet dragged you out. Leaving you in a confused, and undecided state of mind.

He then took note of your stare, and grinned. Secretly glad that your attention had averted towards him, yet, he was trying to be subtle. You truly looked astonishing tonight. Even after a couple of years, you still looked the same. That same highschooler who he had fallen in love with, the one who had constantly supported both him, and Fukurodani. The only person who truly understood such a stoic man. That same girl he would forever hold a place in his heart for. Although, now you weren’t just a sweet girl, but now, a beautiful lady instead.

Deep down, he would’ve wished for a space to open. Allowing such a lady to make way into his heart. Hoping said lady, would do the same. And maybe, just maybe...a prince could join you both as well. Making his thoughts come true in the utmost blessed way.

He made sure you didn’t catch onto his stare, the one which he had latched onto you. His attempts were taken very seriously, as he didn’t want to make things too obvious. Unfortunately, you did catch him in the act, and turned away, embarrassed.

“Hm,” he smirked, as you fished for your phone.

Kuroo ᕙ(`▿´)ᕗ

-> ‘Are you still coming?’

-> ‘Of course. Sorry, traffic delays. I should be there in ten.’

-> ‘Okay...see you soon’

You were about to turn of your phone, to then see Kuroo text:

-> ‘Also...don’t worry too much. You can do this Y/n, good luck, and I’ll be there soon.’

You then smiled, and Akaashi took note, thinking:

‘She’s probably talking to her…ah...’ he sighed at the thought, to then ask:

“Are you talking to your husband?...you seem happy,” he smiled. Even though smiling was a happy gesture, he couldn’t help but make it the opposite. Making his grin, feel ever so agonizing.

“Ah...well...that was Kuroo,” Akaashi then batted a brow, surprised to say the least. He’d only seen that look on you when you were vulnerable. Whether you were scared, or secretly happy. Regardless, that was only around him...not even Kuroo had seen such a stare. But now that he saw you in such a state, it made him question if you, and Kuroo were in a relationship. That being the reason why he never brought it up, and vice versa.

“Oh...I see. So that means,” Akaashi then started to think. Yes, the younger child looked like him, but then, there was also resemblance between both Ryu, and Kuroo. They both had black hair, Ryu had a peckish, yet sweet smile (like Kuroo...minus the sweet-), and the bits of information fit logically. If you and Kuroo had Ryu, it would’ve made sense.

Both childhood friends who had grown together, to then realize what they wanted after he...had left you. Starting a family, and being with each other?.... Ryu looked like he could’ve been Kuroo's, or anyone for that matter. But even if Akaashi would have liked to think that way, the connection was too uncanny to deny.

Even so, Akaashi was still suspicious. Wondering as to why Ryu would be so reluctant towards his father. Why he would call “Kuroo,” well…”Kuroo,” and just as to why you both lived so far away. Maybe you both had a situation?...but then again, wasn’t Kuroo on his way to pick you up? Akaashi was confused, and felt like he was over-thinking things. Maybe Ryu wasn’t his...and Akaashi was instead looking for something...that wasn’t there...nor his to compensate.

“That means what?...” he then locked his eyes, with yours. Though he was someone who was hard to read, you could tell how desperate he was. His stare, piercing right at you, hoping he could get an answer.

“Y/n...could you please tell me...if he’s...mine?” you then saw the sorrowful expression, which struck him. The guilt which seeped in, had dug even further. Not sure how to tell him, nor how to phrase things. Your hands clenched, inhaling slowed, as your body trembled. He seemed just as scared for your response, to then hear:

“He’s-”

“He’s mine, Akaashi...Ryu is mine,” Kuroo said, for silence to then fill.

For Those Who Wanted To Be Tagged/Reblogged/Wanted A Part Two! ^^ :

@bokutojuicyass; @realbugmom; @exactlygreatlove; @instantdinosaurhottub; @suchagoodgirlxoxo; @nomadicadventures; @greenhoodie-mark; @n5koma; @animclarinerd; @personalficarchive; @sabrinakishi; @amecchii; @daffodilpetals; @lerougestvelvet; @notamazinglizzy; @akaashimarryme5; @m00ndust2

->Sorry to those who tags aren’t working qwq

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perfectlywrongformend3s · 3 years

Text

Starstruck- Louis Partridge x Reader

Hey! I had a request. that's actually an idea that you can use if you like it :) ok so it can be a louispxreader and the reader is a singer. they meet in a Ceremony and they become friends and maybe after a while they fall for each other and confess? you can change it however you want it. thanks <3

Requested: Yes

Word Count: 2943

Warning: Just lots of fluff

Taglist: @girlincrimson

A/n: Sorry for not getting to you sooner. I am going to try to get out imagines and request as best I can this week. I am booked with work all week this week. Also requests are open.

I changed a little bit of it, but most of it is still the same as you requested.

P.s The songs that I will be using are not mine, they belong with the talented writers and their respectful owners.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Your POV

I was in my dressing room waiting to be called to go on stage when I got a notification from instagram. I saw that the actor Louis Partridge followed me. I decided to do some stalking and found some really interesting photos and pictures of him. While I was looking at this one photo of him getting his makeup done I accidentally liked the photo. I then immediately started panicking, because I didn't mean to like it. Before I could do anything about it, I was called to go on stage.

I grabbed my guitar and slowly made my way up to the front of the stage. I could feel the excited energy rising off the fans that came to the show tonight. I felt a smirk form on my face when the lights came on. I heard all the fans start screaming, which made me let out a little giggle into the microphone.

“ How is everyone doing tonight!” I shouted into the mic

I laughed at how everyone was screaming again. I decided to start off with my most popular song right now. I started playing the chords to my song ‘ Good 4 you’

“ Ah. Well, good for you, I guess you moved on really easily. You found a new girl and it only took a couple weeks. Remember when you said that you wanted to give me the world? (Ah-ah-ah-ah)”

I then made the crowd sing along with me.

“ Well, good for you. You look happy and healthy. Not me. If you ever cared to ask.”

I let the crowd scream the lyrics while I continued to play the guitar. I then grabbed the microphone and screamed..

“ Well, good for you, I guess you’re gettin’ everything you want. (Ah) You brought a new car and your career’s really takin’ off (Ah) It’s like we never even happened.”

While singing, I walked up the front and held the microphone close to them and let them scream the lyrics.

I then jumped in with them.

“ Person who ever got you? Well, screw that and screw you. You will never have to hurt the way you know that I do.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Louis POV

I was on the set of Enola Holmes when my phone buzzed indicating that I got a notification. I pulled it out to find the most famous singer I was in love with and liked one of my photos. I was just staring at my screen when my phone got snached out of my hand.

“ Ooh, what’s got you blushing like that? It looks like you turned into a very red tomato.” I heard Millie speak

I watched her face change from teasing to super shocked. I still felt shocked.

“ What! How?” She spits out

I shrugged my shoulders in response. Millie then gave me a playful glare. “ What do you mean you don’t know?”

I gave Millie a look of confusion. “ Millie, I just don’t know how she found my account. I mean I follow her but I don’t think she would ever follow me.”

She just nodded her head and handed my phone back. I then slid it into my pocket before we had to go back to our scene together.

Your POV

I was getting closer to the end of my new song so I went back to my microphone stand and put the mic back in its place before lowering my voice.

“ Maybe I’m too emotional, But your apathy’s like a wound in salt. Maybe I’m too emotional, or maybe you never cared at all. Maybe I’m too emotional, Your apathy is like a wound in salt.” I started leaning into my microphone and started getting my voice ready to shout soon. “ Maybe I’m too emotional, or maybe you never cared at all.” I then let the crowd sing the chorus until I shouted into the mic “ LIKE A DAMN SOCIOPATH!” I heard the crowd scream loud when I did that so I let out a giggle before continuing my song.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was now sitting down on my stool that one of my band mates brought over for me. I was strumming my acoustic guitar on my lap to my next song while talking to my fans.

“ How is everyone doing tonight?”

I got back a bunch of screams and I even heard some responses back which made me smile. “ Alright guys the show is wrapping up soon-” Before I could continue I heard the crowd “ Aww” in response. “ You guys are funny, but I have had such an amazing time hanging out and singing for you guys. I just want to let you know I have about two more songs for you guys. So the first song I want to play for you guys is ‘ Happier’ and then the last and final song of the night is going to be' ‘Good Boy’’.”

I gave the crowd a smile before going back to playing the chords to my song ‘ Happier’

I got closer to the mic and sang the first words…

“ We broke up a month ago.Your friends are mine, you know I know. You’ve moved on, found someone new. One more girl who brings out the better in you. And I thought my heart was detached. From all the sunlight of our past. But she’s so sweet, she’s so pretty, Does she mean you forgot about me?”

I then stop singing for a little while with a small frown on my face before looking up to find the crowd with their phone lights out. I gave a small smile before going back to a frown. I then sang..

“ Oh, I hope you’re happy, But not like how you were with me. I’m selfish, I know, I can’t let you go. So find someone great, but don’t be happier.”

I then pointed for the crowd to take over the singing for a little bit while I played the chords.

Louis POV Millie and I just finished our last scene of the movie so we had to change out of our outfits and head to the place where we were meeting the rest of the cast and crew members for a one last dinner event.

I was the last to arrive as per usual, so we all laughed it off before having a great time with each other before heading off in different directions.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Once I was back to my house I fell into my bed and layed there for quite some time. I got interrupted with a text message, so I grabbed my phone and said Millie sent me a link to something. Without thinking I clicked on it and saw that it was a video of Y/n singing one of her popular songs. I smiled while watching it due to my huge crush on her, if I ever met her in real life I probably would pass out in front of her.

Your POV

After I sang my last line of my last song I yelled into the mic…

“ I LOVE YOU LONDON! SEE YOU REAL SOON AGAIN!”

I then ran off stage and headed to my dressing room to pack my things to then get on my toru bus that will take me to my hotel that I was staying at. While I was sitting on the bus I decided to post a couple of my pictures I took and put them on my instagram page. After I did that I then decided to stalk that actor I saw on my feed.

‘Time Jump’

It was one of the most important days of my life because I was nominated for an award at the Grammys. So I was with my make up team and someone was helping me with my outfit also. It was a simple but fashionable dress with some simple black high heel shoes.

Third Person POV

Louis was heading to the Grammy’s because of his new movie getting picked for one of the categories, but Y/n also got a nomination for Top artist, and album of the year. The both of them were so close to seeing each other in real life and they didn’t expect each other to be so starstruck.

Louis’s POV

I was walking around the red carpet with Millie when she got asked to do an interview so I stood back and waited for her to be done. While I was waiting I heard a familiar laugh being heard only a couple of feet ahead of me. I then snapped my head into the direction to find the one and only Y/n Y/l/n laughing with the person interviewing her. It took me a little while to process everything that was going around me because I could only see her in the room. I felt my heart start beating faster and felt my hands start shaking a little bit.

Millie’s POV

I was finally done with my interview when I saw Louis staring at something so I followed his eyes and saw him staring at Y/n. I felt a smirk form on my lips and pulled him over to her with all the strength I had in me. I heard him telling me to stop but I didn’t listen since I waited to meet her too.

Your POV

I was talking to someone when I felt a gentle tap on my shoulder which made me turn my head. I saw a teenage girl and a teenage boy behind me, so I smiled before giving them my attention.

“ Hi, I’m Millie Bobby Brown and this is my friend Louis Partridge.” she said

“ Hi, Are you guys fans? Also, are you guys by any chance actors in this movie called Enola Holmes?” I questioned

Millie looked at me shocked and nodded her head. I gave her a smile before holding my arms out to give her a hug. I felt her wrap her arms around me. “ I am such a big fan of your music and I could say the same for him back there too.”

I let out a giggle before releasing her and looked behind her to find Louis just staring. I walked over to him and gently put my hand on his shoulder which made him jump. I raised an eyebrow “ Are you good?” He then just gave me a nod. I turned my head due to hearing Millie speak.

“ He was just in shock. He's in love with you.”

Louis’s POV

I felt my face getting hotter by the minute and glared at Millie. She gave me an innocent look and smirked before walking off and leaving me with Y/n. I saw her turn around and smile at me.

“ So in love with me.” She teased

I gave out a chuckle before scratching the back of my neck and looking back at her. I was about to answer her but someone told us to head to the seats to hear the winners. I watched her walk away and smiled before heading to my seat next to Millie.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Once the awards were over I decided to search for Y/n before leaving to head back to my hotel room. I saw her getting hugs from people so I stood back.

Your POV

I smiled at everyone and turned due to feeling eyes on me. I saw Louis and smiled at him. I walked over to him and gave him a hug and whispered. “ Congrats on your award.” I felt his breath on the side of my neck and heard him doing the same to me. I then pulled back due to hearing my name and slipped a piece of paper to him before kissing the side of his cheek.

Third Person POV

Louis stood there with a shocked expression again. He then looked down at the piece of paper to find her number and a message that said ‘ call me’. He then felt himself smile before heading back to his hotel to rest up.

‘Time Jump’

Y/n was chilling in her apartment writing a song when she heard her phone ring. She picked it up to find an unknown number, but just answered it hoping it would be Louis.

“ Hello?” she said with caution

“ Hi” she heard him say

Which made her let out a little giggle. “ I thought you would never call me.” she responded with. Louis chuckled on the other end. “ Yea, sorry about that. I was a little scared to call you.” Before he could say anything else he heard giggles coming from the other end of the line.

“ Why Louis?” Louis thought hard about what his next response was going to be because he didn’t want to straight up say because we were meant to be together or I was just scared of rejection. Louis finally decided to just ask..

“ Y/n.” he took a pause “ I was wondering if you would like to go out to dinner with me?”

Your POV

I let out a gasp when I heard those words and started nodding but forgetting he couldn't see me so I said..

“ Ofcourse, I will go out with you, Louis.”

Then we just chatted about our days for the rest of the day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The day my date with Louis came so quickly then I could have blinked and I was not prepared. I ran all over my house looking for things to finish off my outfit before it was time to go.

I heard a knock on my door indicating that he was here so I slipped on my heels and carefully made my way to the door. Once I opened it I was met with those hazel eyes that I fell in love with.

“ Wow, you look stunning.” he said

I felt myself start blushing. I then took in his look and stated that… “ Well you look really handsome.”

He then held his hand out for me to take. “ My lady,” he said in his accent, which made me let out a small giggle.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We were coming up to the end of the date already. He took me to this beautiful restaurant where we are now sharing a piece of cake. I saw him staring at me so I questioned him.

“ What?”

He let out a soft chuckle. “ Nothing, you're just really beautiful looking under this light.”

I felt myself start to blush which made me look down. Before I knew it I felt two fingers lift it back up. “ Don’t look down, you're gorgeous when you get all flustered.” That only made me blush harder. “ Stop.” I said giggling which made him chuckle.

Before I knew it we were back in his car driving back to my place. I was looking out the window when I felt him put his hand on my leg, which sent chills all over my body. I then put my hand on top of his and intertwined our fingers together. I smiled at the thought of us going on more dates.

Louis’s POV

I pulled into her driveway and parked my car. I turned to face her when I saw her already looking at me. I then released her hand and got out of the car to go to her side and open it for her. I walked her to her door where we both stood there for a little while. I then took a risk and leaned forward. I could feel her breath on me, I then closed the gap between us. I could feel her smile into the kiss before I felt her wrap her arms around the back of my neck. I wrapped my arms around her waist to pull her in to me more. She pulled away but kept her forehead against mine.

“ I really like you Louis.” She whispered against my lips

I smiled and said, “ I really like you too Y/n.”

I then leaned in again to give her another goodnight kiss before heading off. I walked over to my car and got in, I then waved at her with a smile on my face and pulled out of the driveway.

Third Person POV

Y/n watched Louis drive off into the distance. She felt a smile creep on her face before heading inside to dream about her date with him. Louis felt the same as her. He felt all giddy inside and he could help but smile at the thought of her. He was already planning the next date for them to go on together.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Man this is long, but it was worth it because I got major butterflies from writing this for you. I hope you enjoy and if you would like more Louis then comment and I definitely write more of him.

-Samantha

#louis partridge #elona holmes #louis partridge imagine #louis partridge x reader #louis partridge fanfic #louis partridge x you #Louis Partridge fic #Louis Partridge x y/n #Louis Partridge x you #louis partridge fluff #fluff #requested #starstruck #mine

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thefanficmonster · 3 years

Text

All The Colors

Corpse Husband x Reader (Gender Neutral)

Warnings: Colorblindness, Swearing

Genre: Fluff, Romance, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: The colors are not always seen but rather felt. Just like Y/N feels the colors through their best friend and boyfriend Corpse. That’s how they realize that what they can’t see is the most beautiful and genuine feeling in the world. The feeling of knowing something and someone so deeply.

Requested by my dear friend Lulu, who you might have known as greenieofshield. Unfortunately she’ll never get to read this fic and I’ll never forgive myself for not putting it out sooner but I’ll also never forgive the universe for being so cruel as to take her away so early. She was one of the best people I’ve ever met, always so full of optimism, always there to brighten up my day and make me smile. Always so strong and brave, never falling victim to the hate she received despite not being deserving of it. The world lost an angel the day she died and I as well as so many other people will forever miss her.

Love you and miss you with my whole soul and hear, Lulu. Hope they’re treating you right in heaven ❤

For what it’s worth, Y/N has never asked people to describe the colors to them. In their eyes that seemed like the equivalent of poorly patching up a wound: they could hear thousands upon thousands of descriptions of each color and still wouldn’t be able to imagine it. The descriptions would only make that worse to them. So to avoid feeling even more like they’re missing out they never asked.

However, that doesn’t mean they haven’t developed their own way to ‘visualize’ and imagine colors throughout the years. They’ve tried loads of different methods, few of which stuck around and not for long either. That is exactly why they frequently used to tell their friends: “You can’t paint me a rainbow with black and white and shades of grey and expect me not to feel like I’m missing out on something. Paint me the gloomy sky on a rainy day and only then we’ll be even cause you’re seeing the same greys I am.”

Little did they know how drastically their logic was about to change in the following years.

Speaking of said following years - they met Corpse who became one of their best friends in practically no time. And within just a few months of that friendship’s blossoming, a romance sparked. A romance their friends would jokingly refer to as ‘romance of a lifetime’. Maybe it was said jokingly but Lord knows they weren’t wrong in saying so because the two were completely head over heels for one another -s till are to this day - and never shied away from showing it.

Y/N and Corpse met through Rae who Y/N was staying with while on a little vacation to Los Angeles. To be even more specific here, the two met through a game of Among Us, the game responsible for many wonderful friendships since its release.

“Guys, guys, guys.“ Y/N said after sparking up a bickering session for falsely accusing ‘blue‘ of faking a task in Navigation during the final round for the day, “Here’s a little rule of thumb for whenever we play together again: don’t trust me if I accuse a color instead of a name.“ It’s safe to say that statement rose a few eyebrows in the Discord call, the confusion serving as amusement to them before they explained themself, “Oh, why that is? Hm, I don’t know, maybe cause I’m colorblind.”

Rae who was in on the scheme the whole time and was struggling to hold in her laughter finally snapped while the rest of the players were left processing the information that had been dropped on them.

“But you practically kicked our ass every single round?!“ Corpse said, amazement and confusion in his tone.

“Expect the unexpected from this schemer, take it from someone who’s known them for a decade now.“ Rae said, winking at her friend from across the room. Not failing to notice the blush on their cheeks while doing so though.

“Corpse, are you calling me a good liar?“ They poked a stick at him teasingly, desperately avoiding Rae’s gaze which widened the second she realized why her friend was so flustered by Corpse’s remark.

“Practically a con artist.“ He replied to them with a laugh, earning one from them in return.

And so they practically conned him into falling in love with them with their quick wit, sarcasm and cuteness. If someone is to ask Corpse if he expected to fall for Y/N, he’d probably say yes.

“They were like a magnet the moment they entered the lobby and started talking.“ He said once on a live stream in response to a question he received in the chat regarding Y/N, “It wasn’t hard at all, falling for them. What took me a while was realizing it. While I was referring to them as ‘best friend’ all my friends were rolling their eyes and going ‘Sure, bud.’ Just took me a bit to realize why.”

Luckily, it didn’t take him too long to grasp what his heart was actually screaming at him. Good thing they came to terms with it so soon too, otherwise they would’ve driven their friends insane.

Anyway, enough about what happened and what could’ve happened under one circumstance or another, what matters is the ‘here and now’ of their relationship. And trust me when I say it has never been better and it keeps getting better every day.

The beauty of what those two have is in the tiny every day things that they do for each other, the good morning texts even though the other person in probably just in the kitchen making breakfast while the other cannot find it in them to get out of bed; or it’s laced within the calls between them when neither of them are home or at least one of them is out and about, busy with a task they’ve probably been putting off for far too long. Don’t get me wrong though, the romantic gestures aren’t rare either. Random gifts are exchanged by them on regular intervals but one consistent and super romantic gesture that repeats a few times every year (of the two years they’ve been dating) is Corpse giving Y/N a bouquet of flowers.

A detail Y/N couldn’t help but take notice of was the fact that the bouquet was always made up of the same flowers with only small changes to the arrangement of them and maybe some tiny ones added too. Unfortunately, they aren’t artificial so they couldn’t have kept them thought they wish they could’ve. That being said, it goes without saying that those flowers mean the world to Y/N, the gesture actually - they know flowers are a common gift to give but anything they receive from Corpse is so special and makes them feel like the only person who’s ever received such a gift.

And so they got curious, they had to ask. They had to ask the question they never thought they’d actively ask considering their view of the topic. But they still did.

“Hey Corpse.“ Y/N spoke up out of the blue, breaking the silence that had fallen over them while they watched the movie they were only partially interested in given how exhausted they both were from devoting themselves to their respective tasks and responsibilities throughout the last few days.

Corpse hummed in response, the arm wrapped around their waist doing a little motion as if encouraging them to continue, his gaze immediately traveling down to his partner.

“What color are the flowers?“ They asked, gazing at the bouquet - a gift they had received from him for their birthday a few days prior - in the vase on the dining table.

They waited a few seconds but when they didn’t hear nor feel any sort of response from him they couldn’t help but look up at him. Upon doing so, they saw his small smile as his eyes too remained on the bouquet. “They’re black and white.“ He replied eventually, “Black roses and white daffodils.“ His gaze wandered away from the vase and down to meet theirs, “I don’t want you to think I’m seeing them in their ‘full beauty’ while you only see them in black and white. You are seeing them in their full beauty and not missing out on anything. They are absolutely beautiful black and white as they are.“

As a response to his answer, Y/N couldn’t suppress the growing smile on their face no matter how hard they tried. So they didn’t try at all, they let the smile lighten up their face before speaking up: “You’re a wonder, Corpse.” They said, pushing themself as upright as they could to be able to kiss his cheek. “However, you’re wrong.” They say when they pull away, smirking up at his confused expression, “My world was black and white until you came into it. You’re all the colors, Corpse. Your love’s red, joy’s yellow, sadness blue, chaos green. Love red. You’re all the colors and out of all the people that have tried to describe to me how they look, you have managed to do that just perfectly without even trying.”

Little did they know that’s exactly what he thinks of them - their world is black and white because all the colors live within them. Because they are all the colors.

And maybe they both are, seeing as how they came into each other’s lives exactly like the rainbow after the pouring rain.

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yoonpobs · 3 years

Text

bad boy good thing x.

pairing: jeon jungkook x oc

genre: angst, smut, fluff, miscommunication (we hate her lol), pining

warnings: smut, jungkook is really an asshole, the angst hurts a lot tbh, unhealthy relationships (?)

words: 8, 711

summary: a series of drabbles where you're confused and jungkook's confusing

a/n:

so here is the mini monster chap !! i know I said this was going to be a drabble series but I clearly got carried away LOL

anyways, no spoilers for this chap but I can say it's one of my favs that I've written and I think we see oc getting the comfort that she deserves (and needs!)

and also !! this is my first time updating a series on tumblr and it feels *exciting* hehe, I hope you enjoy this chapter c:

let me know your thoughts in my asks!! i'd love to hear what you think so far :3

all the love and I hope you're having a great

day/night/evening/afternoon wherever you are ❤️

“Open up!”

The only person that would opt to yell to get your attention than ring on your doorbell like a normal person would be Yena. And it helped that you immediately recognised her voice from the first syllable she uttered. That and you were currently moping in your living room with lactose-free ice cream, courtesy of Jimin that dropped it off a day ago when he heard that you were ‘sick’. Even if you hadn’t seen him face-to-face, you remember him softly hoping you’d get better.

You don’t know why she’s at your door, but you’re already on your feet to get her when you hear her begin to mutter curses directed at you behind the thin wood of your entrance.

“I can hear you!” You call.

“Well bitch then open the damn door!” She snaps.

You roll your eyes, and so far with the number of times you’ve hung out with her, it’s safe to say that the two of you were comfortable. You never knew how fun having a girl best friend was until you met Yena, and sure it’s only been a little under two weeks since you’ve gotten to know her through various messages and FaceTimes, but you feel like she’s your friend soulmate.

And when you expressed that to her over a FaceTime call a few nights back, you remember her gagging all while you flush and attempt to take it back. You know her candidly calling you bitch rather than your name was her saying she felt the same.

You pull the door open as she stands there with her eyes narrowed into slits, eyeing you up and down before she scrunches her nose.

“There’s a thing called a shower that you should look into. You look like a rundown version of long-haired Noah Beck.” She grimaces when she eyes you up and down.

You scowl. “You did not just compare me to him.”

She clicks her tongue before she shoves you aside by shoving a plastic bag of the takeout food into your arms and steps into your apartment.

Yena ignores the glare you shoot at the back of her neck when she looks around your living room, scrunching her nose like she was here to inspect your room than pay you a visit.

“Did someone die in here or was that just your will to live?”

You scoff. “Wow. Drag me.”

She waves you off before plopping onto your couch while you sigh, immediately heading to the kitchen to prep the food she brought over.

“For a moment I thought you were dead.” She confesses casually.

When you return with bowls and plates, with the cutlery to match—you give her a dry look before you’re taking your seat on the floor; attempting to hide your half-eaten tub of ice cream, which Yena immediately spots.

��So your first instinct was to yell at my door in hopes that I wasn’t actually dead?” You ask dryly.

She picks up your ice cream and grimaces at it, silently judging you for the flavour before she gives you a shrug.

“Yeah. I was hoping that your spirit would confer.”

You snort. “And the food?”

“A peace offering.” She tells you like it’s obvious.

You sigh, you loved Yena—you really did. She was all over the place and random, but it was a refreshing difference that you needed in your life from the usual law and order you often opted for.

“Not that I don’t appreciate your concern,” You tell her, pulling out a container to see your favourite lemon chicken as you eye her suspiciously. “But what brings you here? I told you I was sick.”

Yena scoffs. “And sick you are, bitch. What kind of sick person devours ice cream? Sure, you look the part but your diet says otherwise. Don’t think I didn’t see the empty packet of snickers in the trash.”

You scowl.

“I recovered yesterday.” You lie, taking a bite out of the chicken.

Yena rolls her eyes and you know she doesn’t believe you. She leans into your couch while she watches you eat, “Namjoon texted me that you may need some company.” At that, you choke.

Her eyes widen as you hit at your chest to get the food to go down, eyes still wide at her revelation.

“Why would he do that?” You cry.

“Girl, I know you’re not trying to deflect—you’re literally about to choke and die.”

You glare at her. “I’m fine.” You cough for good measure, then you’re levelling another serious gaze at her.

“I’m fine.” You reiterate with an emphasis on your state even though you were anything but. “I don’t know why the hell he thinks I need company.” You mutter under your breath.

At this, Yena’s face softens as she leans forward to rest her elbows on her knees while you avoid her gaze; idly poking at your food.

“I don’t know either, and you don’t need to tell me anything.” She says softly. “That’s all I’m here for. To be your company, whether you need it or not.”

You don’t know how much Namjoon told her over a text message, but you don’t think it’s much. Purely because he didn’t seem like a snitch and he was too respectful to ever let other people into the business that wasn’t his own. Even at the thought, you want to groan because you essentially lured him into thinking it was okay for him to kiss you while you were … you don’t even know what the fuck was happening anymore.

“I—” You say weakly, and all Yena does is offer you a comforting smile.

For some reason, the fact that she’s here right in front of you after you spent the day crying and feeling like your heart has been repeatedly stomped over with the addition of your rumination—it feels nice to have someone with you, even if it’s just their presence.

But the way she doesn’t look at you and expects something out of your conversation makes you feel even more overwhelmed, and that’s probably why the dam breaks.

Yena’s eyes widen as she immediately darts out to wrap her arms around you when you end up in violent sobs. You don’t know why you’re crying but you are, and you’re tired of hiding things, your feelings and your intent just to pretend like things were okay.

“It’s okay.” She strokes your hair and it feels warm, like a mother comforting a crying baby and you realise that this is what friends should feel like.

“N-no it’s n-not!” You cry into her shirt and it’s messy, but she doesn’t seem like she minds. Especially when she supports your pliable frame.

“You wanna talk about it?” She asks softly, giving you a kind smile.

You sniffle, staring forward as you feel your eyes swell with the escalation of your tears.

“I don’t know.” You whisper.

She hums, “It’s okay not to know. You don’t need to know everything.”

“I’m just so tired, Yena.” You tell her in a hushed breath.

“Life is difficult.” She admits. “It’s natural to be tired.”

You’re thankful to hear that she doesn’t comfort you with blind optimism. She’s real and she acknowledges how shitty things may be, and frankly, you didn’t need another wannabe altruist telling you that things will get better. You knew that, everyone did. But when you’re at rock bottom and all you see is darkness, you’re not looking for better. You’re looking for a reason to continue.

“Can I say something?” She asks. The way she looks at you is soft and open, and non-judgemental. You feel safe.

You nod your head, teary eyes staring up at her.

“You’re not responsible for anyone’s feelings except your own.” She looks at you so seriously that you nearly feel your breath escape. “There are things that you can and cannot control—and the latter usually falls under the people around you.”

You suck in a breath, and you wonder how she’s so spot on without ever touching on the true context.

“Namjoon texted me but I didn’t come here because he asked me to. It’s because you deserve to have someone be around you when you’re clearly not okay.”

“I’m—”

“You’re not.” She blinks, and you almost pout at her firm tone. “And that’s okay. I don’t need to know what happened to justify how you feel. You could’ve stubbed your toe and feel like absolute shit and I have absolutely no right to judge you on how or when you feel emotions.”

You wonder where she’s been your entire life and why she was only in your life now.

“But the thing is,” She sighs. “You don’t always have to choose between something or the other. Sometimes you need to choose yourself.”

You stare up at her in awe because Yena was cool in general, her laidback and unbending personality was mainly what drew you to her because you’d argue you were the opposite. Even if Jungkook’s words stung, you could take it at face value and accept that it was true.

You were uptight and you were a bit of a prude, and for the longest time, you always resented that aspect of you. But you realised with Yena, she had traits that were resented in a woman as well. And you realise that you’d never be perceived the way you want unless you perceive yourself in a positive light first.

So when she speaks to you so sternly, yet with a tone of care as she picks apart her words so carefully—you realise what you have to do.

“I think I like Jungkook.”

Yena pauses for a brief second, but you don’t see any judgement in her face. Just confusion, a warranted emotion you don’t blame her for having.

“I figured as much.”

Your eyes widened, “How—?”

It’s almost like a repeat of the first night at the football game when you befriended each other, but she only shoots you a gentle smile.

“Call it a woman’s intuition.”

You blink, fiddling with your fingers before you stare up at her, continuing your drawls.

“And we kissed.”

At this, Yena cocks an eyebrow up, “Was this recent?”

You fiddle with your thumbs before you sigh and push yourself up.

“Thing is …” You mumble, “I’m not like that.”

You don’t answer her question because you can’t think of a proper enough response to tell her that yeah—you did kiss him, amongst other things that you foolishly allowed yourself to indulge in. You knew Yena wasn’t judgemental but you also knew that you couldn’t retrieve your words the moment they left your mouth. It was your own judgement that stopped you from saying the things you really wanted and it sucked, royally. Because you could tell that Yena wasn’t out here to crucify you for being … liberated. She just wanted to be there for you.

Yena scrunches her eyebrows in confusion as she allows your words to settle, pondering a response.

She settles for a huff, “Care to elaborate?”

“I don’t … do things like that.” You say softly. “I’m shy and quiet. I’m not active in the social sphere and I only have three friends that I can reach out to if I wanna hang out. But even then, I don’t … I don’t like partying, or drinking, or loud spaces. I’m awkward and horrible at social interaction let alone being able to navigate my romantic feelings. And … I felt so bad about it.”

Yena’s eyes soften, but you can’t look at her just yet. Not when this is the first time you’ve ever laid yourself vulnerable, emotionally that is, to someone that wasn’t just the confines of your thoughts.

“I always wondered what it’d like to be confident, to be liked on campus and not just be known as the smart girl.” You whisper. “My entire personality was built around my achievements and I didn’t know what else to do. What if … what if I peak here and fail after?” Your eyes are wide in despair, and you feel your lips quiver when you speak.

“You’ll never know.” Yena reminds you gently. “You won’t know who likes you or what people say about you—but you’re going to be hearing your own thoughts 24/7 and that’s what kicks you down or drives you further.”

You sigh, nodding your head.

“It’s just … Jungkook and I were close. We grew up together even if he’s younger than me. But we just got along well and he … he saw me. He used to comfort me whenever I’d tell him how pressuring it got and—I feel so stupid because he probably says that to everyone and I fell for it.” You chuckle with no emotion, staring at the stray thread poking outside of your couch pillow.

“Have you spoken to him about your feelings?” She asks softly.

Immediately, you scoff and the sour emotion peaks through again.

“He’s made it clear what he wants to hear from me.” You mutter.

Yena purses her lips before resting her hands gently on your shoulder.

“You’re not answering my question, ______.” She chides gently.

You nibble on your bottom lip and shake your head. That earns a sigh from her as she wraps her arms around you once again, resting her chin on your shoulder as you allow yourself to feel the comfort of her warmth.

“He kissed me first and we did things together.” Your lips quiver when you recall the memories, “A-And he’s with Jennie. I just …” You flutter your eyes shut, “I don’t want to say that I’m the other girl but I feel a lot like a second option and it sucks.”

Yena doesn’t ask, and she doesn’t need to. She doesn’t need to justify why you felt the way you did, so she holds you tighter.

“Babe.” She gently turns you to look at her with both hands resting on your shoulders. “Did you talk to him? Properly? Do you really know if he’s with her?”

“I think them kissing proves enough to me.” You snap, and you don’t know why you’re being so hostile, especially to Yena.

She purses her lips, “You kissed him and you aren’t together.”

You wince and she shoots you an apologetic look. She sighs before reaching out to squeeze your hand, all while you stare at the ground to level out your emotions.

“I’m not saying that you can’t feel the way you do. But I’m offering objectivity here. Men are … they’re blunt creatures and that’s the biggest difference between men and women.” You furrow your eyebrows as she takes a deep breath before she continues. “And the idea that we’re equal? No, we’re not. I’m not talking about our systemic positions in society but on an emotional level. Men take things surface value and work with it, they don’t stop to think about the layers of feelings that go into interpersonal relationships with friends, family or lovers. Women? We go big or we go home. All we see is the big picture and sometimes the little details get lost in translation. This isn’t me justifying Jungkook playing home with you or Jennie at the same time, but offering you a perspective that may be hard for you to see because you aren’t him.”

It was true, and you hated yourself for being aware but not putting action based on your own thoughts. Yena only reaffirmed the idea that you overthought every single interaction and maybe that was why you were the one that was hurting.

That, or you and Jungkook had horrible communication problems that neither of you was ready to face just yet. But how could you? When the two of you were on two different wavelengths and you were trying to be just enough for him while he was jumping off pedestals to see you.

It didn’t feel nice, and it sucked because he was the same person that comforted you and broke you all at once.

“I’m scared.” You whisper.

She smiles at you gently, patting your head gently as you peer up at her with tears between your lashes.

“And that’s okay.” She reassures you with a soft voice, “The only thing scarier than being scared is not feeling at all.”

Before you go to where your heart tells you to—your mind is the only thing that keeps you rooted in some form of rationale. That’s probably why you’re outside of Namjoon’s dorm. You don’t think you’ve ever paid his place a visit despite him telling you his address on multiple occasions, usually opting to hang out in public yet serene places where you were able to get a breather.

Your feet feel heavy and your fist is raised, but it barely moves. Especially when you’re just eyeing his door like a deer caught in headlights. You’ve rehearsed the apology on your tongue a million times, even if you don’t really know what you’re apologising for. But you feel like you must, particularly because you’ve senselessly let him see all of the feelings that you were trying to suppress in hopes of retaining the same ones he had for you.

You take a deep breath and deliver the first knock, the vibrations making your arm feel weak.

But you’re tired of always surrendering to bigger and more frightening things that you could understand. So you purse your lips and play the waiting game.

It seems like a long twenty minutes that you wait, but in reality, it’s only two when the door swings open. You brace yourself to see Namjoon, apology already sitting on your tongue.

You should’ve dropped a text, you knew that. But you decided against it because you haven’t spoken to Namjoon since what happened a few days ago. Neither of you speaking about the kiss or the way your eyes glistened when you saw Jungkook and Jennie together.

“____?” He asks confusedly.

You give him a meek smile, “Hi. Can I come in?”

He blinks at you, and you notice he still has his glasses that he usually forgoes during the times you’ve hung out—and you feel a little guilty for catching him at a bad time.

“Yeah.” He clears his throat. “Sure.”

Namjoon steps aside and you’re welcomed into the space of his living room. The first thing you notice is the interior, and how … Namjoon it was. It’s both cluttered and neat, the palette of his furniture matching the overall vibe he emanated. His furniture is mostly wood, light sandalwood that makes it feel all the homier.

And you tell him such, “You have a very homey place.”

Namjoon turns his head to look at you right before he plops himself back onto his couch where you see the bits and pieces of paper scrambled across the floor and the couch. Even then, he was able to look so welcoming even though you reckon he has a right to be hostile—for a reason you came here to apologise for.

“Thank you.” He flushes, patting a spot in front of him for you to take your seat.

When you settle, the atmosphere turns strained when you mull over your words so that you wouldn’t stumble over them. You practised, you did—about a hundred times before you came here and you thought you were ready to apologise and put things behind you but it’s proven difficult when all he does is look at you in earnest.

“Not that I—uh—mind,” He mumbles, “But is there a reason why you’re here?”

You blink at him as you ignore the quiver in your heart.

“I’m sorry.” You blurt.

“_____ why are you—”

“You didn’t deserve what happened the other day.” You interject, voice soft but unwavering when you force yourself to look at him as his eyes widen.

“I wasn’t the one that saw something I shouldn’t have.” He reminds you with a frown.

You swallow, “I kissed you. And you …” It wasn’t helping that he was looking at you so gently as he awaits your continuation. “You didn’t need to save me back then, Namjoon.” You end in a whisper.

Namjoon reaches out to grab your shoulder, touch gentle as he searches for your eyes.

“I didn’t save you …” He tells you tenderly.

“It’s not just that!” You exasperate while you throw your hands up in the air. “I-it’s everything … from the way you treat me and the way you look at me. You didn’t need to do any of that and you even—” You trail off, fluttering your eyes shut. “—what did you say to Jungkook right before we left?”

Namjoon’s eyes enlarge as his grip becomes tense against your shoulder. You can almost see the way his mind kicks into gear as he thinks of a response.

“That—I—does it matter?” He huffs.

Your eyes soften, “Namjoon.” You force yourself to look at him even if now he was the one that tries to avoid your gaze. “What did you say?”

Namjoon tightens his lips before he sighs deeply, head dropping forward before he looks at you.

“I told him to be honest.” He says softly.

You furrow your eyebrows, “To be honest …?”

“I know you have feelings for him.”

Your face blanches when Namjoon basically exposes you. It’s one thing for you to be self-aware of your complicated feelings towards the other boy. But when someone else points it out, especially when it’s Namjoon—the boy who’s been nothing but kind and patient with you while you’re too busy being caught up in your emotions—it’s like a slap across your face.

“I-I don’t—”

“You don’t need to lie to save my face, ______.” He chuckles dryly, eyes darting away as he tries to neutralise his expression. You wince at the spite he establishes, but you know deep down that Namjoon isn’t angry at you. No, he was far too understanding to be. Disappointed? Frustrated? Sure, but never angry,

The silence answers for you when you look away this time, eyebrows scrunched as you attempt to navigate the conversation. You came here to apologise, and to be honest.

“I’m sorry.” You whisper.

“Don’t.” He takes a deep breath as you flinch. “Don’t … apologise.” He sighs.

“I didn’t mean to lead you on, Namjoon.” You murmur apologetically.

He shoots you a half-hearted chuckle, “You didn’t do anything. Really.”

“But I did, Namjoon. I kissed you back.” You frown.

“That doesn’t imply anything. I kissed you, and you reciprocated. We all kiss someone and not mean anything by it.”

You flinch, and you’re familiar with that more than anyone else. The reminder only stings because it makes you realise that you were not much different from Jungkook, the same person you’ve claimed to have messed with you and fucked you over.

“I’m—”

“Please don’t apologise anymore.” He says. “I already feel like shit.”

You smile sadly at him, “How do you manage to be so nice even when other’s do you wrong?”

Namjoon sighs, then he grabs both your hands in his. “You didn’t wrong me, _____. It’s not your fault you don’t feel the same way I do.”

“How did you …” You trail off.

“How did I know you had feelings for Jungkook?” He chuckles. “The same way he knew I had feelings for you.”

You purse your lips, eyes dropping to your lap. “It’s not that simple, Namjoon …” You say softly.

Namjoon smiles at you gently, “Is it?” He gently nudges your knee with his so that you’d look at him. “Life is simple. It’s not easy. But it’s simple.”

You scoff even if a small smile teases your lips, “You really are a philosophy major, aren’t you?”

The two of you grin in tandem before he purses his lips, possible mulling over something before he faces you.

“The two of you are close so … why beat around the bush?”

Your eyes flutter shut, shaking your head. “Like I said, it’s really not that simple.”

He rolls his eyes at you, but it’s not to mock or taunt you. Namjoon simply sees a naive, yet an intelligent girl who doesn’t see what’s right in front of her.

“Remember what I said? I’m a simple guy.” He reminds you, lips in a grin. “Try me.”

You snort, but you’re still nervous. You still remember that he has feelings for you, so you’re hesitant. And he immediately recognises the guilt-ridden expression that you mar.

Namjoon shoots you a stern glare, “Don’t overthink it.”

You sigh.

“Jungkook and I …” You start, fiddling with your thumbs. “We grew up together.”

Namjoon rolls his eyes and shoots you another one of his bland stares. “I know the history. I just want to know why?”

You furrow your brows, “Why?”

“Why the two of you insist on being so emotionally constipated.”

You gape at his audacity, and you’re glad the atmosphere isn’t as tense because Namjoon simply snickers at your reaction.

“I am not—!”

He waves you off, “Really?” He adds dryly.

You purse your lips and relent, even if you didn’t want to agree with him—you knew that he was … right. To a certain extent.

“We kissed.” You blurt.

Namjoon raises an eyebrow, “That’s not surprising.”

You shoot him a dry look before he raises his hands in defence.

“He was my first kiss.”

At this, Namjoon’s widen.

“When you were in high school?” He pries.

You flush, embarrassed that you had to tell him otherwise.

“Two months ago.” You mutter.

Namjoon splutters, and you can’t help but glare at him when he quite literally chokes on his spit. You know you caught him off guard, but him rubbing salt in the wound that’s relatively fresh makes you scowl.

“Oh.” He clears his throat. Then he repeats, “Oh.”

You scoff, “Yeah. Oh.”

“Then … what happened?” You know he’s treading carefully with you when he asks you his question softly.

You purse your lips, and you recall every single moment you’ve shared with him. From giggles to hushed kisses, to intimate touches and sweat-stained sheets that have you gasping for air. You remember it all, and they meant … they meant the world to you, but just a speck in his memory.

“Things escalated and we … did stuff together.” You wince.

Namjoon nods in understanding, he gestures his hands around, “Like—”

“I’m a virgin.”

Namjoon blinks.

“And for the longest time, I felt embarrassed about it.”

“Oh.”

“I struggled to find my footing between being sexually liberated and being a woman because for the longest time I thought those two were mutually exclusive. For me, at least.” You say softly.

Namjoon only stares at you.

“And I always wanted validation from someone else to tell me that what I was doing was the right thing to do. Or the supposed thing to do. Never what I really wanted to do.”

“Not that I’m uncomfortable but … why are you letting me in on this?” Namjoon asks with a raised brow.

“Because I want to do something for myself for once.” You whisper.

“Okay …?”

“Why do you like me? Even if I’m … boring and not as sexy as other women?”

You sound pathetic, and the first person you find yourself comparing yourself to is Jennie—a beautiful, confident woman who looked so assured in herself.

“You’re not—”

You groan.

“Namjoon.”

“Okay.” He sighs. “If you’re asking me if I care that you’re a virgin, then no. I really don’t. Because frankly, that concept to me is false and problematic. Whether or not you’ve had sex or not isn’t any of my business.”

You duck your head.

“And I like you because you’re interesting. You’re funny and you’re assured in your own way. You don’t need to be a certain standard of pretty or sexy or whatever for me to like you. I like you because of the time we’ve spent together and that I’ve gotten to know you. The real you and not the person I admired from afar but the girl who throws in jokes out of nowhere but fits so well with the situation. The girl who’s willing to spend three extra hours of her time to help with content that wasn’t prescribed to her. I like you because I’d like to think I’ve grown to understand who you are.”

Namjoon says all of those things while staring at you straight in the face and you feel compelled to cry. Because no one has ever been so honest with you and you hate that your heart can’t reciprocate what should be an easy feeling that comes naturally.

“Fuck.”

His eyes widen.

“Hey, it’s okay.” He coos, a hand petting your hair gently as you sniffle.

“It’s not, Namjoon. Everything sucks because everything is so complicated. Why can’t I just have feelings for you instead?”

It’s selfish, and Namjoon winces. But you’re so overwhelmed that you miss it, and Namjoon is too nice to point his own feelings out.

“You don’t pick and choose your battles, _____.” He murmurs softly.

“That’s not what my mom told me.” You whimper.

He chuckles, “Yeah. Most people like to believe that because it makes them think that they have a choice over the bad things that happen in their lives. But in reality? They don’t. No one decides what happens to them. You pick and choose how you react to things. How you deal with situations and what you make out of those situations is what you can choose to do. You don’t like me, and that’s fine. You don’t have to just because I’m nice to you, _____. Being nice is the absolute bare minimum and something that everyone should feel and do.”

Your face crumbles, “Why are you so wise?”

Namjoon smiles, “I’m not. It’s called offering a different perspective. Just because I see things one way doesn’t make me any better than you who sees things in another. That’s why we meet different types of people throughout our lives. The good, the bad, the in-between. There’s always something people offer to us in the midst of chaos.”

You sigh.

“I’m sorry, Namjoon.”

He pats your head, “I said don’t apologise.”

“No, but I want to. You’ve been nothing but kind to me and you picked up a shitty situation to be in when Jungkook and Jennie were at the library. Even right after I kissed you. That was … a horrible thing to do. I shouldn’t have done that just because—just because I was confused … you don’t deserve that.”

He doesn’t look angry, and that’s even worst because you want him to react, to call you a bitch and say that you were a horrible person.

“I don’t.” He shrugs while you wince. “But a lot of the times we don’t deserve a lot of things that we get. And that’s okay. You did what you thought was justified then, and there’s nothing you can do to change it. But you’re hurting too, and you’re confused—that’s what drove you to do the things that you did, and even here. That’s why you’re apologising to me, right? Because you’re not as confused anymore?”

You shake your head.

“I am, I’m still so confused.” You whisper.

“Then let me offer you another perspective.”

You look up to him with big eyes as he smiles at you gently.

“You have feelings for Jungkook.” You immediately flinch, even if he didn’t hit you. But Namjoon continues. “You’re trying to keep the picture as simple as you can even if it hurts you in the process. But

“You don’t understand, Namjoon … we … did things … that I’m not proud off …”

“You don’t have to—”

“He was my first kiss. My first … sexual experience. Even if it was just … third base,” You cringe, but Namjoon isn’t judging you at all. “A-and that’s all I was to him. An experience.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Do I, Namjoon?” You say softly. “He said things to me that were so hurtful. And a stupid part of me forgives him but it still hurts every time I think about it and when I see him with Jennie.”

You whisper the words Jungkook’s said to you, and for the first time, you see Namjoon’s jaw harden. The most emotion that wasn’t rationale you’ve seen in Namjoon ever since you first arrived.

“I know it hurts.” He murmurs, holding you close. “And I really don’t want it to seem like I’m justifying his words … but would you want to hear me out?”

You purse your lips and nod nevertheless.

“Jungkook isn’t a bad person.” You blink, you never thought he was. “I know you don’t think he is but you want to. Because of the things he’s said to you because why would a good person say those kinds of things, right? But the world isn’t black and white like that. There’s a grey area where 99% of the population falls into because we operate on emotion and sometimes we say things that we may feel but not necessarily believe in.”

“Jungkook … he’s still young. And I know we’re in college and stuff but he’s still three years younger than I am and two years younger than you. He’s spoken to me about how hard it was to adjust to a high school life where you, Jimin and Tae weren’t a part of. And I don’t know about you but if the only friends I’ve ever known suddenly left because they had to … I wouldn’t know what to do either. He was at a point in his life where his environment played a huge part in the values and internalised beliefs he had.”

You look away as you reflect on his words, nibbling on your bottom lip.

“He mixed around with different groups of people, and I hate this saying but it’s still a common belief to many—especially people his age, almost out of high school. But the ‘boys will be boys’ mentality is more than just misogyny and sexism, but a culture where it feeds off complacency and peer pressure. Jungkook suddenly had to shift from three, good friends who were progressive and influential in an objectively good way to people he was obliged to like because they were his peers.”

You gape at him, purely because you knew that Namjoon was smart and wise but his introspection leaves you breathless and enlightened.

“But that doesn’t change the core of Jungkook,” Namjoon says. “He’s still Jungkook. He doesn’t know how to ask for things that he wants without feeling like he’s betraying his masculinity. And again, I’m not justifying his actions because he’s a grown man too. But he’s lost, and the only thing he knows to uphold this sense of masculinity is by being sexually liberated. Even if he conflates his own emotions with his endeavours.”

“I … I don’t even know what to say Namjoon.” You murmur, eyes looking up through your lashes.

“You don’t need to say anything. I just want you to be honest to yourself, not anyone else. But yourself.” He tells you, carding a gentle hand over your head.

You fiddle with your thumbs.

“What do you want?”

Despite you confiding two different people, you find yourself at a convenience store at 12AM, scarfing down ramen from a cup noodle because your mind was a funny place when it was muddled with a hundred different thoughts. You knew sleep wasn’t an option for you either, and you were hungry. But somehow you didn’t have anything back in your apartment that screamed ‘I’m in a crisis’ enough for you to eat.

Which is why you’re here, while the cashier keeps his eyeball to himself when he sees yet another college student who’s probably having their third mental breakdown of the day.

It is, but not for the right reasons, you think dryly.

You think you’re alone until the chime of the bell momentarily distracts you and you turn your head to acknowledge the next lone customer who may be going through their own set of issues, or had a fucked up sleeping schedule.

But you’re not expecting to make eye contact with Jennie, out of everyone or any stranger you could’ve come across.

She spots you, shoots you a weird look that has you nearly choking on a string of noodles before she moves on to what she came here to do and stops at the snack section, skimming through her options before she settles on a pack of shrimp chips. Your heart churns because they were Jungkook’s favourite. You don’t want to wonder why she picked them.

You turn to your noodles, scarf them down some more because you want to eat your thoughts away even if you’re half-considering to call Jungkook, tell him you wanted to talk. But you knew that if you spoke to him now when you were still sorting out your thoughts, you’d end up in a situation you won’t be ready to deal with.

So when you poke at your food and sigh to yourself, you almost miss the way the stool beside you scrapes against the floor as you cringe.

You turn to shoot a petty glare at the person, and you see Jennie; casually tearing open her chips and popping one into her mouth

You blink at her, and you’re left even more speechless when she juts her hand out as if to offer you a shrimp cracker. Like it was a weird symbol of a truce. Even if you weren’t really … enemies.

“Want some?”

You stare at her, and before you can think twice your lips are moving.

“The crackers or your company?” You say dryly.

Her eyes widen, and so does yours. You didn’t expect to say your exact thoughts and you don’t think she expected a quiet, timid girl like you to have said that—out loud at least. Like Yena said, everyone has a mean bone in them. Some longer and larger than others, but they were still there.

“Wow.” She huffs, but she doesn’t seem offended. “Rude, much?”

You wince and feel compelled to apologise. “Sorry.”

She waves you off and you feel odd to be sitting next to her. You always expected her to be more malicious, a lot more of a bitch. And you frown to yourself because you suppose it’s your own preconceived notions of her due to the association she has with Jungkook that had you thinking of her that way.

“What’s someone like you doing here on a weekday?” She asks off-handedly.

The term ‘someone like you’ doesn’t sit well with you, and you scowl.

“I’m eating. What does it look like?” You retort, and Jennie only raises an eyebrow at your response. Much like an angry kitten.

“Damn, I was just asking.” She mutters under her breath, “I’m hungry. Needed a snack.” She shakes the crackers in front of you, “You sure you don’t want one?”

You can’t believe her as you gape at her easy-going state when she thrusts the bag of crackers into your face yet again.

“No.” You furrow your brows, gently pushing it away as she shrugs her shoulders.

“It’s good.” She reasons, and you don’t know why she’s so adamant about having you take one.

The irrational part of you thinks she wants to poison you, to eliminate you for good so she won’t have to deal with your pathetic pining over a person that wasn’t even yours.

“I know.” You mutter. “I tried it before.”

Jennie nods her head slowly, observing the content of the packet on the back before she turns to face you, “Jungkook introduced this to me. Didn’t see the appeal but it’s addictive.”

You freeze, and your ramen soup is getting cold with the way you haven’t prodded at it for a while and in the air-conditioning in the convenience store. You feel your stomach drop, especially now that your initial suspicions were confirmed.

“That’s nice.” You grit. It really isn’t.

“Did he introduce it to you?” She asks with a tilt of her head.

Why you’re still talking to her, or why she was bothering to talk to you when she’s ignored you all this while—you aren’t sure. But you still answer her despite the spite that forms in your chest.

“I introduced it to him.” You inform.

She hums, unbothered. It only irritates you more.

“Is there a reason?” You huff. “Why you’re here?”

She raises an eyebrow, “I’m hungry?”

You scoff. “No.” You slam the table ever so slightly because even if you were annoyed and confused, you weren’t that brave and you didn’t want to cause a scene at a convenience store at midnight. “Why are you here. Talking to me.”

Jennie blinks at you, then stares at you for seconds too long that you flush under her unwavering stare before she ends up in a fit of giggles. You almost think she’s here to mock you, to call you out on your pathetic and humiliating pining for someone who doesn’t care about you the same way you do to him. But she pats you on the shoulder, and you want to think it’s condescending but it doesn’t seem that way at all.

“You’re an acquaintance. You looked like you needed the company.”

You frown, “I don’t.”

She rolls her eyes, munching on another chip.

“You do. Your posture looks depressing.”

“Excuse me?” You scowl.

“It’s true.” She shrugs. “You don’t seem the type to be here wallowing unless it’s really bad. You seem like you have your shit together.”

And because your mind is already muddled and confused, and filled with irrational thoughts. Her words set you off, and you seem to be underrating or overreacting more than usual. So you snap, you shove your cup aside that the soup nearly sloshes out and send her a glare so blazing that Jennie’s caught off guard.

“And you think you know me well enough to gauge whether or not I’m ‘like this’ or the type to have a perfect mental breakdown regimen because I’m smart?” You seethe. Jennie’s eyes widen. “I have mental breakdowns like every other student and I binge eat when I’m stressed and I fuck up from time to time. I curse, yes! I see your face. Oh does she not curse? Well, look at me, bitch. I can curse like a motherfucking sailor at sea when the fishes come because I’m human. I’m just like you. So fuck off with your ‘you seem like you have your shit together’ because I don’t and I’m so fucking annoyed with your stupid face whenever I see it because it only reminds me of Jungkook!”

The silence is defining, even the cashier stops counting his bills for the night because you don’t hear the rubbing of money together. You feel his stare on your back, and more pressingly, you feel Jennie’s shocked expression linger on your face, and now that you’ve come down from your rage. Your face heats up in embarrassment.

You don’t even recall what you said, except for the fact you’ve mentioned her and Jungkook in the same sentence. And your face pales.

“I …” She chokes.

You flush, before you’re turning away, snatching your belongings to leave and forget this convenience store and never return because you don’t think you can show your face here ever again.

But before you’re able to make a run for it, a hand grabs your elbow that stops you from moving any further.

“This is already as embarrassing—” You exasperate, trying to snatch your arm away.

“For a girl so smart, you’re really dumb, aren’t you?” She deadpans.

You gape, finding enough strength to retrieve your arm as you stare at her with a dumbfounded expression.

“Excuse me—?”

“Firstly, let’s unpack what you just said because there are a lot of things that need to be dissected here.” She says blankly.

You scowl, “Look I don’t—”

“One.” She blinks as if she was doing a presentation for a course and not talking to an alleged acquaintance. “I don’t think you should act a certain way just because you’re smart. You’re entitled to your own mechanisms and I’m not judging you for them. I was simply pointing out my own observations, and I’m sorry for being insensitive.”

You’re stunned to silence, because did Jennie just … apologise to you?

“Two.” She says. You listen silently. “I think you have things you need to talk to Jungkook about, and frankly—I would’ve stayed away if I knew that the two of you were a thing.”

“We’re not a thing!” You cry, face flushed.

She shoots you an unimpressed look, “Really. So that oddly targeted blow-up was because of your mental breakdown and not because you don’t have feelings for Jungkook?”

She’s the third person to call you out the same day, or within the first one in the next. And it’s even more embarrassing because it’s the girl you’ve compared yourself to countless times because of your own insecurities.

“Yes.” You snap childishly.

Jennie sighs, gesturing for you to sit on the stool. You want to defy her out of spite, but you’ve already gotten this far into the conversation and you feel like you’d miss out on something if you left now.

“Why are you mad at me?” She asks.

“I-I’m not mad—” You weakly protest.

“You are. There’s anger in you and if it’s not directed to Jungkook then it’s directed to me. Is it because I’m a woman?”

Your eyes widen, “What—?”

“Let me reword that,” She sighs. “Is it because I’m the woman with Jungkook?”

You flinch at her declaration, especially since she indirectly confessed to being with him, while you weren’t.

“I don’t …” You trail off in a whisper.

“I don’t blame you for being angry.” She says. “But I need you to understand that I would never have done anything with him if I knew that the two of you were together.”

“We’re not.” You blink, and her unimpressed look is still there that makes you speak a little louder. “We’re not together.”

She opens her mouth to say something, then shuts it. You see her furrow her eyebrows before she settles for a response that comes a few moments after.

“Okay, then if you’re not together then why the resentment?” She puts it so simply and now that you’re listening to her, you feel a lot stupider.

“I just …” You croak, fiddling with your fingers, “I don’t …”

She sighs, “Listen. We’re both women here. I know how it feels to be left in the dark when it comes to things like this but there’s no point in being angry at me when in reality it’s Jungkook you need to talk to. If you aren’t together then I don’t understand why you’re angry with me—or with him.”

You sit there in silence, nearly pouting like a scolded child.

“You’re his type.” You say softly.

Jennie pauses before she raises an eyebrow.

“And you believe that?”

You furrow your eyebrows, “I mean, of course?” You mumble, “You’re pretty, confident and sexy. Any guy would like you.”

For a moment, you think you’ve said too much. Looked to vulnerable. But Jennie doesn’t do the typical mean girl thing where she laughs in your face and threatens to expose you. Instead, her eyes soften, and her hand reaches out to hold yours.

“____.” She calls your name gently, and you look away, embarrassed. “You’re pretty. You’re confident. You are sexy.”

You flush, “No. I’m not.”

She scoffs, “_____, there isn’t a set definition of what a pretty woman is like. Nor is there a one-dimensional understanding of a confident woman. There are confident women who strut in their walk and commands all the attention in the room. But there are also quiet, assured women who are intelligent and confident in their capabilities. Both of them are so different, but the one thing that they have in common?” She prompts as your eyebrows furrow. “They’re both women who are worthy of love.”

You blink up at her when her tone goes softer.

“I don’t think I’m Jungkook’s type.” She tells you.

But for some reason you need to deny it, again.

“I think you are.” You mumble, “You’re … you. And you’re probably … experienced.” You cringe at what you say, and you’re mortified if you need to explain yourself to her. But Jennie immediately picks up on it, and you don’t notice how she tenses for a split second but recovers immediately.

“We’ve done things together, yes.” You feel your heart shatter, “But you don’t have to do anything with him for him to like you.”

You sigh, “Maybe. But that's the only way he’s ever wanted me.” You say so softly that Jennie almost doesn’t catch it.

Jennie’s face softens much more, turning into a much gentler expression as she nudges your chin to look at her. And when you do, you feel wounded. You feel so much less assured than you were when you were raging at her. You hated it, how she treated you so kindly when she should’ve been cursing at you like you did to her.

“Do you want to know something?” She asks.

You nibble on your lips before you nod your head.

“If someone doesn’t want you. It’s not because you’re lacking. It’s because they’re lacking the sense to perceive you in a way that recognises your inherent worth to be loved.”

Your breath hitches and Jennie continues.

“I’ve had instances where men didn’t want to sleep with me because I was too confident, too sexually liberated for them. As if who I slept with mattered because it wasn’t them. It was never going to be them.”

“I didn’t sleep with Jungkook.” You tell her, voice soft as if you needed to clarify.

“And you don’t need to. You don’t need to sleep with anyone for them to want you. If Jungkook only wants you for your body then he doesn’t deserve you.” She points out.

You feel your heart clench, and the realisation coming from Jennie only hurts even more.

“But he’s important to me …” You whisper.

“What’s important is not always what’s good for you.” She informs you with a gentle smile. “Your sexuality is yours. And if you want to sleep or be sexual with someone, you do it because you want to. Not because someone coerced you into doing it.”

Your eyes widened, “N-No. Jungkook didn’t force me. I consented. To all of it.” You murmur, “I wanted to do it. B-But I just felt so … lacking? In comparison and … since then all he’s came to me for was just … that.”

Jennie nibbles on her bottom lip, “Jungkook’s not a bad person.” She says softly. And she’s the second person that tells you that. So you know it’s a true reflection of his character.

“I know.”

She smiles, “We both do.” She nods, “But he’s misguided. He’s never had the ability to be with someone he really cares for and I think when that happened—he dealt with it the only way he knows how to.”

You furrow your brows, “But he’s with you.”

She shakes her head with a small chuckle, “No. Not emotionally, at least.” She informs. “And he doesn’t care about me. I know. He’s always kept me at arms-length away, and I’m fine with that because I don’t like him like that either.”

You blink, and your ears turn red. “H-How do you—?”

“How do I separate lust from affection?” She laughs. “It’s because I can. Not everyone can do that, and Jungkook is one of them.”

“But you just said that he didn’t care about you.”

“I’m not talking about me,” She smiles sadly.

Your eyebrows scrunch in confusion until you realise what she was implying. And you don’t want to assume anything, never. Because hope was the one feeling that was worse than fear and you didn’t want to subject yourself to that just yet.

“Oh.” You mumble.

She nods, squeezing your hand.

“I think he misses you.”

You purse your lips.

You missed him, too.

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