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#trying to explain myself when really I just need to listen and learn from the people trying to help me
what are the chances my dad (known music nerd especially when it comes to bass) would be aware of any of the context or lore around Dark Alley
#like would it be super concerning for me to send it to him and go haha emo song but like I relate to it a lot :')#which I feel like saying that HERE is terribly concerning bc of the Lore (Pete post suicide attempt playing the demo to heychris#and the whole ''way too personal to play live'' thing)#but I don't mean it in a suicidal way at all I mean it in the ''looking in the mirror and not liking what you see'' way#like I suck most of the time. I'm negative and mean and it makes me SO angry that the main solution#is to focus on being grateful bc why should I be grateful when it feels like everything sucks??#and then I blame other people for my own bad behavior and feelings bc I struggle to take responsibility without#trying to explain myself when really I just need to listen and learn from the people trying to help me#and I'm just so so pessimistic and I wish I wasn't. I know I'm a horrible person and my attitude sucks and I hate that#but the LAST thing I want is to die. I just want to be better!! immediately!!! I hate that it's such a slow process!!#I never see any progress!! I just make the same bad choices over and over and then resolve to change again and again#and it just doesn't get better!! I never learn!!! but I want to so so badly!!!#I want to be good and okay and not a jerk to people irl but I hate everything and everything sucks in my perception#and I want SO badly to change that. I don't want to die I want to live and be better!!!!#anyway. how many red flags would it set off if I sent my dad this song
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unclewaynemunson · 6 months
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Pt2 to this post
'Is something wrong?' Nancy asks, not long after the two of them have taken their familiar spots on the hood of Steve's car. They're basking in what might be the last warm sunlight of the year, looking out over the quarry, at a safe distance from the edge.
It's become a tradition the two of them share, ever since they reconnected back in March. It calms them both, to just sit here and take in the view, no one around but each other. Nancy is one of the few people Steve can share a comfortable silence with: sometimes they sit here quietly for what feels like hours, side by side, listening to music or to nothing but the birds singing around them. But they also have their best conversations here: it's the place where Nancy entrusted him she wanted to break up with Jonathan; it's the place where they talked about their shared past and decided they would always love each other as friends; it's the place where they finally talked about Barbara in a way they couldn't when they were younger. It's where Nancy talked about the ghosts still haunting her and Steve talked about how lonely he sometimes felt.
Steve huffs. 'How did you guess?'
'When you frown, you always do it with your whole face,' Nancy notes. 'So it's hard to miss, really.'
Steve glances at her side profile. There's a serenity to her features that's still relatively new. It means she's healing, slowly learning how to be happy again. It means she stopped waiting for the end of the world and started believing in a real future again. It makes Steve proud of how far they both have come.
'I had a fight with Eddie,' he confesses. 'And with Dustin, I guess.'
'What happened?'
He sighs. 'It's complicated.'
'Wanna tell me about it?'
The look in her eyes is kind and inviting. Steve hesitates. He wants to, but he doesn't know if he can. It's a risk. It's scary.
But he can't imagine Nancy Wheeler ever being careless with his secrets. He can't imagine her judging him, can't imagine her being as small-minded as most people in this town.
He was planning on telling her anyway, because things had been going so well with Eddie lately and – no, he shouldn't think about that right now. But maybe it would actually be nice to talk about it with Nancy.
'So, um...' His throat feels tight and his hands are sweaty. 'I recently discovered some things about myself. I-' The words get stuck somewhere on the way to his mouth, and he clears his throat.
Nancy doesn't push, but only gives him an encouraging nod, waiting for him to find his voice again.
'I found out I like boys,' he finally manages to confess. 'And I need you to know that – that that doesn't mean that what I felt for you wasn't real. It was. I loved you, and now I fell in love with a boy. And-'
'Steve.' Nancy's hand suddenly covers his, causing him to finally jerk his head away from the view over the quarry, to focus on her face again instead.
Her eyes are wide, and she squeezes his hand.
'You don't have to explain yourself to me,' she tells him. 'We're good. But thank you for telling me. For trusting me with this.'
Steve heaves out a relieved sigh, and Nancy smiles; it's that genuine kind of smile which reveals all kinds of dimples and soft lines across her face.
'We might be more similar than you thought,' she tells him, a faint blush spreading over her cheeks.
'Really?' Her words make his breath catch in his throat. He squints at her, trying to see her in this new light. 'Are you saying what I think you're saying?'
She shrugs. 'I don't know. I'm not sure yet,' she admits. 'Still figuring things out.'
'Take your time, there's no rush,' he tells her. 'But...' He bumps his shoulder against hers. 'When you're done figuring it out, talk to me, okay?'
She nods. 'Okay.'
For a while, it's quiet between the two of them. Some kind of raptor circles high above them in the sky. They both follow it with their eyes until it disappears among the tree tops west of the quarry.
'Is it Eddie?'
Steve blinks dumbly a couple of times.
'Wha- what?'
'The guy you were talking about. The one you fell in love with. It's Eddie, isn't it?'
'Jesus, Wheeler, what kind of sorceress are you?' Steve exclaims.
Nancy laughs again. 'You're not being as subtle as you think,' she tells him. 'The two of you have been hooking up for a while now, haven't you?'
Steve huffs dramatically. 'This is unfair. You know everything; I can't even tell you my own secrets anymore!'
'So what happened?' Nancy asks. 'You said you had a fight with him?'
'It's fucking stupid,' he sighs. 'Dustin was getting way too excited about the fact that I was gonna be hanging out with you, so I told him I was seeing someone. Next thing I knew, he was telling Eddie all about how I was seeing a girl.' He waves his hands around to make annoyed air quotations. 'I wanted to tell Eddie it was a misunderstanding, but Dustin was there, so I couldn't out us just like that, and he looked so betrayed and heartbroken... He didn't wanna listen to me.'
Steve sighs; he still can't manage to forget that look in Eddie's eyes when Dustin delivered the big news. 'I wish I would've talked about what I felt for him earlier. I should've been honest when I had the chance, y'know. But I was afraid he wouldn't wanna label what we had, that he wouldn't feel the same way – and now we're in this whole mess. God, he must hate me right now, Nance.'
To his surprise, Nancy gives him an unexpected slap against his arm.
'Ouch, what the hell was that for?!'
'What are you even doing here with me, Steve? You should've gone after him, tell him how you feel!'
'I tried, obviously, but he didn't wanna listen to me!'
'So make him listen! You're in love with him, he obviously feels the same way about you, and you let him leave to wallow in a broken heart he doesn't even need to have!' She rolls her eyes and slides off the car, adding something under her breath that sounds suspiciously like an exasperated 'Boys!' before she pulls Steve off the car as well. 'C'mon, time to get your ass over to the trailer park. Right. Now,' she says through gritted teeth. And, well, Steve knows better than to argue with a determined - and truthfully quite terrifying - Nancy Wheeler.
Read the last part here Taglist: @withacapitalp @ultimatedreamer104 @irregular-child @jcmadgirl @estrellami-1 @myguiltyartpleasure @hallucinatedjosten @jaybren @thew1ldblueyonder @melodymeddler @alycatavatar @zoeweee @lolawonsstuff @fairy-princette @saramelaniemoon @phirex22 @krazyperson @xxsky-shockxx (I only put people on this list who explicitly asked to be tagged. That's really no problem, I love to do that so dw about asking, but I got a lot of relatively vague reactions to the previous post that i'm not gonna dissect and interpret, bc I don't wanna clog anyone's notes unwanted. So just to be clear: i consider it a huge compliment if anyone asks for a tag but please do it clearly if you do!)
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anim-ttrpgs · 1 month
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Help Save the World of TTRPGs and Their Creators.
Okay I’m being a little dramatic, but at the same time I’m pretty serious. This is a call to action, and the livelihoods of myself and lots of other people, many of them (like myself) disabled, are depending on it. This is a post about why, what you can do about it, and (perhaps least often answered) how.
This post is actually an accompaniment to another discussion by someone else. If you don’t want to listen to a 90-minute in-depth discussion of much of what I’m about to tell you, you can just keep reading. Otherwise, click here or here and listen to this either before or after you read this post. (They’re the same thing, just different sources.)
If you have ever made or reblogged posts urging people to switch from Google Chrome to Firefox, you should be willing to at least give a try to other TTRPGs besides D&D5e for much the same principle reasons. I’m not telling you you have to hate D&D5e, and I’m not telling you you have to quit D&D5e, I’m just asking you to try some other games. If you don’t like them, and you really want to go back to D&D5e, then go back to D&D5e. But how can you really know you won’t like other games if you have literally never tried them? This post is a post about why and how to try them. If you’re thinking right now that you don’t want to try them, I urge you to look below to see if any of your reasons for not wanting to try them are covered there. Because the monopoly that WotC’s D&D5e has on TTRPGs as a whole is bad for me as a game designer, and it’s bad for you as a game player. It’s even bad for you if you like D&D5e. A fuller discussion of the why and how this is the case can be found in the links above, but it isn’t fully necessary for understanding this post, it’ll just give you a better perspective on it.
If you’re a D&D5e player, I’m sure at some point or another, you’ve been told “play a different game”, and it must get frustrating without the context of why and how. This post is here to give you the why and how.
[The following paragraph has been edited because the original wording made it sound like we think all weird TTRPGs suck.]
Before that though, one more thing to get out of the way. I'm going to level with you. There’s a lot of weird games out there.
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You are gonna see a lot of weird TTRPGs when you take the plunge. Many of them try to completely reinvent what a TTRPG even is, and some fail spectacularly, others really do even up doing something very interesting even if they don't end up being what a core TTRPG player wants. But not every indie RPG is a Bladefish, lots and lots of them are more 'traditional' and will feel very familiar to you, I promise. (And you might even find that you like the weird experimental bladefish type ones, these are usually ideal for one-session plays when your usual group can't play your usual game for any reason.)
You're also going to probably see a lot of very bad games, and man have I got some stories of very bad games, but for now I'm just saying to make sure you read the reviews, or go through curators (several of which will be listed below), before you buy.
Now that that is out of the way, I’m going to go down a list of concerns you may have for why not, and then explain the how.
“I don’t want to learn a whole new set of rules after I already spent so much time learning D&D5e.”
Learning a new set of rules is not going to be as hard as you think. Most other TTRPGs aren’t like that. D&D5e is far on the high end of the scale for TTRPGs being hard and time-consuming to learn and play. If you’ve only played D&D5e, it might trick you into thinking that learning any TTRPG is an overwhelmingly time-consuming task, but this is really mostly a D&D5e problem, not a TTRPG problem as a whole.
“D&D5e has all of these extra online tools to help you play it.”
So what? People have been playing TTRPGs without the help of computers for 50 years. To play a well-designed TTRPG you won’t need a computer. Yes, even if you're bad at math. There are some TTRPGs out there that barely even use math.
“I’m too invested in the narrative and characters of my group’s current ongoing D&D5e campaign to switch to something else.”
There are other games, with better design made by better people for less money, that are the same kind of game as D&D5e, that your current characters, lore, and plot will fit right into and do it better. And no, it's not just Pathfinder, there's others.
“I can’t afford to play another TTRPG.”
You probably can. If you’ve only played D&D5e, you might have been made to think that TTRPGs are a very expensive hobby. They aren’t. D&D5e is actually uniquely expensive, costing more than 3x more than the next most expensive TTRPG I can think of right now. Even on the more expensive end, other TTRPG books will cost you no more than $60, most will cost you less than $20, and a whole lot of them are just free. If you somehow still can’t afford another TTRPG, come to the A.N.I.M. TTRPG Book club mentioned below, nominate the game, and if it wins the vote we will straight up buy it for you.
(By the way, if you had any of the above concerns about trying other games besides D&D5e, that really makes it sound like you are in a textbook abusive relationship with D&D5e. This is how abusers control their partners, and how empires control their citizens, by teaching you to think that nothing could ever get any better, and even though they treat you bad, the Other will treat you even worse.)
“If I don’t play D&D5e, which TTRPG should I play?”
That’s a pretty limited question to be asking, because there will be no one TTRPG for everything. And no, D&D5e is not the one TTRPG for everything, Hasbro’s marketing team is just lying to you. (Pathfinder and PbtA are not the one system for everything either!) Do you only play one video game or only watch one movie or only read one book? When you finish watching an action movie like Mad Max, and then you want to watch a horror movie, do you just rewind Mad Max and watch it over again but this time you act scared the whole time? No, you watch a different movie. I’m asking you to give the artistic medium of TTRPGs the same respect you would give movies.
“I want to play something besides D&D5e, but my friends won’t play anything else!”
I have several answers to this.
Try showing them this post.
If that doesn’t work: Make them. Put your foot down. This works especially well if you are the DM. Tell them you won’t run another session of D&D5e until they agree to give what you want to do at least one try instead of always doing only what they want to do. This is, like, playing 101. We learned this in kindergarten. If your friend really wants to play something else, you should give their game a try, or you’re not really being a very good friend.
If that doesn’t work, find another group. This doesn’t even mean that you have to leave your existing group. A good place to start would be the A.N.I.M. TTRPG Book Club which will be mentioned and linked below. You can also go to the subreddit of any game you’re interested in and probably meet people there who have the same problem you do and want to put together a group to play something other than D&D5e. You might get along great with these people, you might not, but you won’t know until you try. Just make sure to have a robust “session zero” so everyone is on the same page. This is a good practice for any group but it is especially important for a group made of players you’ve just met.
“I only watch actual plays.”
Then watch actual plays of games that aren’t D&D5e. These podcasts struggle for the same reasons that indie RPGs struggle, because of the brand recognition and brand loyalty D&D5e has, despite their merit. I don’t watch actual plays, or else I would be able to list more of them. So, anyone who does watch actual plays, please help me out by commenting on this post with some non-D&D5e actual plays you like. And please do me a favor and don’t list actual plays that only play one non-D&D5e system, list ones that go through a variety of systems. The first one I can think of is Tiny Table.
“I can just homebrew away all the problems with D&D5e.”
Even though I want to, I’m not going to try and argue that you can’t actually homebrew away all the problems with D&D5e. Instead, I’m going to ask you why you’re buying two $50 rulebooks just to throw away half the pages. In most other good RPGs, you don’t need to change the rules to make them fun, they’re fun right out the box.
“But homebrewing D&D5e into any kind of game is fun! You can homebrew anything out of D&D5e!”
Firstly, I promise that this is not unique to D&D5e. Secondly, then you would probably have more fun homebrewing a system that gives you a better starting point for reaching your goal. Also, what if I told you that there are entire RPG systems out there that are made just for this? There are RPG systems that were designed for the purpose of being a toolbox and set of materials for you to work with to make exactly the game you want to make. Some examples are GURPS, Savage Worlds, Basic RolePlaying, Caltrop Core, and (as much as I loathe it) PbtA.
“I’m not supporting WotC’s monopoly because I pirate all the D&D5e books.”
Then you’re still not supporting the smaller developers that this monopoly is crushing, either.
Now, here’s the how. Because I promise you, there’s not just one, but probably a dozen other RPGs out there that will scratch your exact itch.
Here’s how to find them. This won’t be a comprehensive list because I’ve already been typing this for like 3 hours already. Those reading this, please go ahead and comment more to help fill out the list.
First, I’m gonna plug one of my own major projects, because it’s my post. The A.N.I.M. TTRPG Book Club. It’s a discord server that treats playing TTRPGs like a book club, with the goal of introducing members to a wide variety of games other than D&D5e. RPGs are nominated by members, then we hold a vote to decide what to read and play for a short campaign, then we repeat. There is no financial, time, or schedule investment required to join this book club, I promise it is very schedule-friendly, because we assign people to different groups based of schedule compatibility. You don’t have to play each campaign, or any campaign, you can just read along and participate in discussion that way. And if you can’t afford to buy the rulebook we’re going to be reading, we will make sure you get a PDF of it for free. That is how committed we are to getting non-D&D5e RPGs into people’s hands. Here is an invite link.
Next, there are quite a few tumblr blogs you can follow to get recommendations shown to you frequently.
@indierpgnewsletter
@indie-ttrpg-of-the-day
@theresattrpgforthat
@haveyouplayedthisttrpg
@indiepressrevolution
Plenty of podcasts, journalists, and youtubers out there do in-depth discussions of different systems regularly, a couple I can think of off the top of my head are:
Storyteller Conclave (I’m actually going to be interviewed live on this show on April 10th!)
Seth Skorkowsky
Questing Beast
The Gaming Table
Rascal News
Lastly, you can just go looking. Browse r/rpg, drivethrurpg.com, indie press revolution, and itch.io.
Now, if you really want to support me and my team specifically Eureka: Investigative Urban Fantasy, our debut TTRPG, is going to launch on Kickstarter on April 10th and we need all the help we can get. Set a reminder from the Kickstarter page through this link.
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If you’re interested in a more updated and improved version of Eureka: Investigative Urban Fantasy than the free demo you got from our website, there’s plenty of ways to get one!
Subscribe to our Patreon where we frequently roll our new updates for the prerelease version!
Donate to our ko-fi and send us an email with proof that you did, and we’ll email you back with the full Eureka prerelease package with the most updated version at the time of responding! (The email address can be found if you scroll down to the bottom of our website.)
We also have merchanise.
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Omfg I ate that Vox fic up! The one where he hypnotized the reader after a long fight of them nearly being taken from him. Can you do a part 2 please? Like when the reader eventually learns he basically forced them to sign the contract and they find a way to be immune to his hypnosis? He goes absolutely nuts despite literally owning their soul. He's canonically a control freak and seems to even have some yandere traits. I hope I'm not going against your rules! You don't have any posted so I just wanna ask! Thank you for being awesome! :D Don't hesitate to turn down this request. Write what makes you feel comfortable. Just please respond so I and everyone else knows not to make a similar request in the future. Lots of love!
ABSOLUTELY!! I did take this in a slightly different direction, but hope you enjoy it nonetheless! Lowkey thinking of doing a Vox POV of this later and maybe even a part three...
Vox isn't actually in this much, but I feel a loose actual plot coming together and this is what naturally flowed for me.
I hope y'all are ready for more angst... plus a cliff-hanger <3
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More Than Anything Part 2 [Vox x Reader]
Part 1
Part 2.5
"You controlling prick!"
Vox ducked as you threw a pillow at him. Even in your righteous anger, you'd never actually truly try to hurt him, but by god were you pissed.
Despite Vox's obvious disdain for the Hazbin Hotel and its association with Alastor, you visited the hotel occasionally to catch up with your friend Angel Dust and give some much-deserved love to his pet pig Fat Nuggets. It was during one of these visits that you ran into Alastor, who immediately looked at you with disgust in his ever-present smile.
"Really now, my dear," he said as he shook his head in disapproval. "It's already enough of a shame that you have such poor taste in a romantic partner, but to give your soul to him as well? I thought you were smarter than that."
The overlord could see the aura of Vox's ever-annoying electric cords locked around your soul like chains. You'd been confused and his eye twitched with annoyance as he realized what Vox had done to you. To say you were livid after he explained that you'd been tricked was an understatement.
"Y/N, I'm sorry," Vox pleaded as you fumed at him in his room. "But you left me no other choice! You weren't listening to me and if I didn't bind your soul, then Satan knows what could have happened to you by now."
"Just because you don't fucking believe in my ability to look out for myself doesn't mean you get to just take my soul!" You screamed with hot, angry tears flowing down your face. You wipe at them, only crying harder at the frustration of the tears you couldn't control in your anger. You felt like they undermined your emotions.
Vox's magic sparked around him as he tried his best not to get angry and start a fight with you. He was terrified and was that much more susceptible to his angry tendencies in moments like these. It took everything in him to try and calm himself, not wanting to push you away further. His heart dropped and his blood ran cold as he saw you pull a large bag out of the closet and start shoving clothes into it.
"W-Where are you going?" Vox panicked as he crossed the room.
"The hotel," you said with quiet fury, as you stepped away from the closet and went to the nightstand with your personal things on it. "I need some space and it's the one fucking place I know you'd rather die again than follow me to."
"Ŷ̸̪͕o̸̢̿̿ū̷̫ ̶̬͂c̶̺̾͂a̴͒͘͜n̴̫̂̔'̶̡̉t̶͙̝̄͒," Vox said, his voice starting to glitch as his panic increased. "You've heard the news, the extermination is in a week and the angels plan on attacking there first. There's no guarantee they'll keep to the date after how much little miss dumbass pissed off heaven. It's not safe there."
You pull your bag over your shoulder and the look you gave him will haunt him for the rest of his afterlife. "It's safer than here."
It breaks him all the more when you shield your eyes from him and storm past him so he can't hypnotize you into staying. Vox is paralyzed with fear like never before. He wanted to scream, to beg, to stop you from leaving him, but he couldn't do anything as his system glitched so hard it forced him into a reboot. When he came to, he was alone. You were gone.
--
Charlie was more than willing to let you stay at the hotel. The two of you hadn't had the chance to really ever speak before, but she was always friendly when you came to visit Angel, even after you explained to her there was no way you'd be able to become a guest.
In exchange, you were happy to help set up the defenses against the extermination. You got to know all of the other members of the hotel and the work helped you push down the burning ache in your chest.
Vox had been trying to contact you nonstop. You eventually turned off your phone, driven insane by the wall of notifications of him begging you to respond in any way. He knew you were okay for the time being. He was literally connected to your soul. But as the extermination day grew closer, his panic only increased. If it wasn't for Valentino and Velvette holding him back, there were several times he genuinely would have set aside his pride and come to the hotel just to get you.
It was after helping Husk and Cherri put up a particularly tricky barrier with the dwindling supplies that Angel found you taking a break. He passed you a water which you took gratefully as he slid down the wall and joined you on the floor.
"So," he started. "Are we going to ever talk about the reason why you're hiding out here?"
"Do we have to?" You groan, running your fingers through your hair. Despite the smiles and laughter you'd been sharing with your newfound friends as you all prepared for the potential end of it all, the dark circles on your eyes gave away what was lurking underneath.
For as angry as you were at Vox, you missed him. You missed feeling him curl against you in bed. You missed being woken up at unholy hours early in the morning because Vox couldn't start his day without giving you a kiss and telling you how much he loved you. You missed his shitty taste in shows and how he'd collapse into your arms after a long day at work.
Angel sighed, looking at the boarded-up lobby. "Look I may not get it, but you love the guy, right? Are you really content with possibly dying in a couple of days for a cause you're not even a part of, just because you're pissed with him?"
"He stole my soul, Angie" You frown at him.
"And that is fucked up as hell," he agrees. "But I know you and I know there ain't no way in hell you're actually satisfied leaving shit like this."
"I just-," you start before groaning. "How the hell are we supposed to come back from this? I doubt he'd ever void the contract. He's too convinced he's right for that."
Angel sighed, setting his own cup aside. "Honestly toots, you're not gonna like it, but... He kinda has a point."
You whip your head up to look at him and he holds up his hands defensively. "Not saying that stealing your soul was the right call. Believe me, if anyone gets how fucked it is having your soul controlled by a sociopath with a big ego, it's me. But you're not exactly in the safest of places, dollface. Not to mention, you're dating an overlord who's in a trio determined to piss off as many big shots as possible. His mind may not be in the right place, but his heart kinda is."
You take Angel's words to heart and sigh as you bury your face in your arms. "I hate it, but you're right... I just... I don't want to hold him back. I don't want to be the person that needs to be protected. I want to be his equal, not his problem."
"Then tell him that," Angel sighs. His gaze drifts to the bar and smiles fondly. "Someone recently has taught me how important being real with yourself is. It's okay to be flawed. No one got stuck in this shithole cause we were perfect, y'know?"
He nudged you with a grin as he added, "Plus, come on. Can you imagine how many bitches in hell would kill to have a sexy fucker that wants nothing more than to love ya and keep ya safe? I love you toots, but for fucks sake, pick a struggle."
You snort, shaking your head as you lightly swat at his arm. "Fuck you for being right about shit all the time."
"It's one of my best assets," Angel smirked. "Y'know, aside from all the fluff."
You laughed as he puffed up his chest and by the end of the evening, you'd decided to head back. As much as you loved Angel and wanted nothing more than to be by his side as the extermination drew near, he had a point. This wasn't your fight and there was a controlling dumbass that had been blowing up your phone ever since you left that was praying for your return.
After exchanging promises to see each other after the extermination, you left the hotel. You had an idiot to see.
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msbluebell · 5 months
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How We Fall For People Like James Somerton
We're all joking, but this James Somerton thing has me really fucked up.
I wasn't a huge fan of James. I saw a few of his videos and liked them. In the ones I saw he was calm and explained things straightforwardly and even the one or two times he said things against white women...well, that's language I've been seeing on Tumblr since I joined back in my tweenage years. I thought it was just a dismissive joke pointing out a frank reality.
I didn't watch him too much. Just a few videos. I kept meaning to watch more, but I didn't because sometimes I wanted something easier. But I regarded him sell because of how informed he seemed.
And that's the thing, isn't it? He SEEMED informed. He spoke confidently and sometimes quoted queer sounding articles and I trusted him blindly. And why? Because he was giving me information that SEEMED well researched.
Illumanaughtii too. I WAS a consistent fan of hers before other youtubers came out. Because she presented information really well and I like hand drawn characters and because she read academic sounding quotes. I trusted her and her information was stollen. And I feel like a fool for ever having trusted her now, but at least her stollen facts were apparently accurate. Maybe.
James though, he straight up lied. Todd in the Shadows went through a lot of effort to expose those lies. He did so much research that I didn't bother to do. And he admitted he only did it because he happened to know people more informed than him that noticed the lies and went down a rabbit hole.
And maybe if I was more involved I would have noticed. But that's beside the point. what's getting me is I didn't bother to check myself, I just blindly trusted.
And the worst part is I can see why it happened.
I work.
I work, and then I get home, and when I get home I stress. I stress about work I have to do tomorrow, or classes, or finding a new job that actually pays a livable wage. And to escape that stress I go online to AO3, or tumblr, but especially Youtube.
Because I like youtube, I like to have noise in the background while I work. I like to listen to things while I read. And some of the time it's ASMR videos, or watching someone cook something. But mostly? It's history things or video essays.
And when I'm working, or reading, I'll hear a fact, and I'll look up, and I'll think "Huh, that's interesting to know, I didn't know that." And I won't think anything about it.
Because I'm busy, or I'm tired. I'm tired from work, and I don't want to do more work. Or sometimes it's mental health. This is my coping mechanism. I'm trying to learn things, do something to distract myself. I'm not looking to disprove things.
In other words I'm lazy. Or, if I'm being kind to myself, I'm tired.
Maybe if the topic was something I was an expert in I would have noticed. I'm a former ballerina, I'm a failed history major dropout. Maybe if he'd said something like "Holodomor never happened" or "Boudica is a Finnish folk hero" I'd have noticed. Maybe.
But he didn't, and I didn't notice. I assumed he did the work, and why?
Because surely a gay man wouldn't spend hours on youtube talking about Queer history if he wasn't passionate. Because he, a queer man, would surely know about queer history. Surely he wouldn't want to spread lies and hate. And he's quoting from books and articles so why wouldn't I trust him?
My trust was blind and unfounded.
And now I'm reeling from that. I'm reeling because I'm starting to feel like I can't trust a lot of people. How can I listen to any Youtuber casually now?
I can't, I never should have assumed I could.
Now every informative video feels like I need to do tens of hours of research just to be sure what I'm hearing is true. I feel like I can't trust anything unless I do.
James Somerton took my trust.
And it's not only that either. That's not what scares me the most. It's that there are THOUSANDS of people like me. Millions like me. Who are learning something from a video or a tweet or a tumblr post from someone they assume is an expert and are blindly trusting because they assume they can trust it. They don't intend to do their own research because they're tired, or don't know how. And that scars me. I was a history major, I studied tyrants and misinformation and the rise of propaganda, and I, with all my tools to notice, was still blind.
You cannot blindly trust a video, you cannot blindly trust a tweet, you especially cannot blindly trust a tumblr post.
YOU ARE NOT IMMUNE TO PROPOGANDA
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decolonize-the-left · 9 months
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(to preface this, i am white. figured i should make that known off the bat) i wanted to come bounce an idea off of you that i've been rolling around in my head for a bit. i have this pet theory that, for the population ill call here "white progressive queers who know very little about poc and racism", a large underpinning of this group's interaction with poc is a Fear of Fucking Up and more generally, moral purity thought. they (maybe even "we"- im still hopefully learning myself) get so paralyzed by this idea and line of thinking that goes something like this: "1) since i know nothing about poc & racism, then 2) clearly in discussions about these topics, i will fuck up and say something wrong or perhaps even Bigoted, which if i did 3) makes me an Irreparable Ontologically Evil Racist, hence 4) i should just be quiet and never ask questions/speak on these topics" which then results in said White Progressive Queer and those around them never learning. i wanted to know what you think abt this and tell me if im on the mark or not
also thank u for the work u do on this blog, ive found so many helpful resources through you
You're right. In my experience that's exactly how it is.
I want to add tho: yes they're uncomfortable that they might fuck up and be considered racists sure, but a huge part of that stems from the massive inability to place the discomfort where it belongs. Which is with their own guilt.
Instead they blame the conversations for making them uncomfortable.
And let's take some worthy notes here: this is not how white people feel all the time. Because white people are not uncomfortable making these fuck ups in front of other white people.
So it's not that the conversation is uncomfortable. They are made uncomfortable. And they are made uncomfortable because even when discussing anti-racism they step into the role of oppressor (the little fuck ups or accidentally bigoted comments) so naturally and God forbid other (not white) people can See how easy it is.
My advice for white people that are like this (that nobody asked for) is
Your fuckups do not define you but how you react to them does
Listen, respect, learn
That's it. That's the whole list. Say something bad? Apologize, but don't over-explain yourself. Ask how to fix it. Google how you fucked up so you understand why it wasn't okay. Google again to get idea of how your fuck up hurts people. Google some more to make sure you don't do it again. Go to some safe space and ask some clarifying questions. Listen, respect, learn.
Maybe the people you fucked up with don't forgive you and that's okay, they don't have to. But YOU won't ever make anyone feel bad or less than in the same way ever again and that's what matters.
Having one less person making racist comments matters even if it's a struggle for that person to get to that point.
I need y'all to understand that none of you are gonna just wake up being suddenly perfect anti-racist allies. And we will literally never ever have allies like that if y'all refuse to even sit with your own discomfort.
•°•°•
This weird morality issue white people have over looking racist is also just such a non-problem. Like if y'all want a PoC perspective: white people are already being racist ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯ ....we Already see y'all as racists. And also I'm gonna experience racism anyway so I'd rather it be because someone was just being ignorant on the path to anti-racism.
Y'all are so worried about how shit Looks that you can't be bothered how really things are? Like you're so afraid of looking racist you'd allow yourselves to continue being actually ignorant and casually racist. And to avoid what? Being uncomfortable for a minute? Being called-out? A mean comment?
We are trying to stop hate crimes and genocide. Like that's what we are dealing with okay. Accountability for your actions is an acquired taste but I think y'all can handle some discomfort considering.
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ferrstappen · 1 year
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maxplaining 2.0 l Max Verstappen blurb
note: hello! i was working on another piece and a TikTok popped up of mini Max and mini Charles, and it was so cute watching mini Max maxplaining already, and I just had this idea, hope you like it! Also, this is taken from the two previous dad!Max I've posted, so we're back with the twins!
Remember to please show it some love, feedback and reblog are always very very appreciated, and tomorrow I'll be working on some requests and the Taylor Swift collection <3
pairing: dad!Max Verstappen x female reader
warnings: none
summary: Luca Verstappen's first press conference during his karting career. turns out, he even speaks like his dad.
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It was a small press conference, really.
Still, local reporters were covering and asking questions, also interested on the fact that Max Verstappen's son was following the very big footsteps of his father.
Mila was constantly asking why she was forced to come to her twin's press conference, she has to listen to him at home and school, wasn't that enough? A lot of personality for a ten year old girl, but was easily convinced by a pair Gucci ballet flats, ignoring the questioning glare from his wife, who reminded him that she has to learn that not everything comes with a recompense, and a ten year old does not need that many pairs of designer shoes.
He didn't care, though. Whatever Mila wanted, whatever she got. What was the reason of having all that money if he couldn't spoil his loved ones?
People sometimes forgot about the karting race in front of them, instead watching as Max's deep blue eyes studied every move made by Luca on the track. At the same time, he managed to squeeze your hand and waist whenever you gasp at the speed or turns, not being a fan of your son following the motorsport path.
Of course Luca won, he was every bit as talented as his father. Max smiled and hugged his son with pride, giving him his best smile, highlighting every good thing he did, lovingly asking him if he was okay and trying to reassure him.
That's what he would've wanted to hear from his dad, or at least that's what you thought before kneeling in front of Luca and giving him a short congratulatory hug, knowing he was at the age where every bit of affection ended with Luca muttering "Mum", trying to hide his embarrassment.
The three of you stood on the back, not wanting to get in the way of Luca's moment after winning. She'd deny it, but Mila gave her twin a thumbs up while making eye contact with him.
Of course the first question was for Luca, asking him about his race overall.
The young Verstappen boy took a deep breath before he started talking. And then he couldn't stop...
"This is my first win, we were very fast and my opponent made a mistake so I could pass him first and then stay in the first position so I could win. We still have more races but we are happy with the results and hope we can keep winning, but we have too keep working hard, I know I will work and try to better myself so that I can give my best..."
"Mama, he's talking too much. It's embarrassing," Mila whispered on your ear, earning a glare from you.
When he finished answering the question, he instantly started talking to the boy next to him, explaining something about the track and brakes, even gesticulating to make his point.
Of course, Max was oblivious to the fact that Luca was almost the same person as him, never really being aware of his own tendencies to explain things on his own words.
Back home, after putting Mila and Luca to sleep and heading to the bedroom where Max was already waiting for you, carefully hitting your side of the bed, signaling that it was time to go to bed.
So needy.
As soon as your body touched the mattress, Max rolled over and draped his arm over your waist, nuzzling his face on the crook of your neck. Meanwhile, you opened TikTok to slow down before going to sleep.
The first video was one of today, Luca animatedly talking and moving his hands. Then, it cut to one of a flushed Max doing the exact same thing.
"What are you laughing about?" Max lifted his head to check whatever was on your phone.
Lucaexplaining? Maxplaining 2.0? Versplaining? What's the best name?
"What are they talking about?" Max frowned while reading some comments.
Laughing at his cluelessness, you kissed the top of his head and put your phone down, noticing Max's breaths slowed down as you ran your hands through his hair.
You'd choose your talkative boys any day.
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nocturnowlette · 2 months
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i have a really big thing for hypnotism in theory but in reality i can't actually be hypnotized and it's so upsetting :( like im sure i could be but i've never managed to focus hard enough and actually be hypnotized, not with actual audio or with text videos or with purely text scripts or anything and i don't know what im doing wrong or if im doing everything right and i just have an undiagnosed something or other
Alright folks, lets play a game of "trance diagnosis"!
There's a number of different common reasons that files (especially generalized files) would fail to hypnotize you. Let's go through them!
A. Being Afraid of Doing Things "Wrong"
One of the most common that I've seen is the idea that you need to do every suggestion and command the way the hypnotist intended and analyzing every commmand in order to do it "properly", and if they do not, the spell will be broken.
Simply put, the way you receive the command is the right way to receive it. Do what feels natural and don't read into it heavily, and just go with the flow. Trance is stubborn when you let yourself sink into it, and one or two commands or suggestions that don't work is not enough to shatter that unless you convince yourself that it is.
However you do it is correct.
B. Recursive Self-Analysis
This is related to the previous, but is the general idea of constantly analyzing your state of mind to see if trance is "working" and what effects are different than before. This takes your focus away from the session itself and almost dissociates you from it.
Just read or listen and try to vibe.
C. Pre-set Expectations for Trance
Trance will not take control from you, and it will almost certainly not feel the way you expect it to if you are new to trance. I have had sessions where I feel basically awake and was still deep in trance as well as sessions where I could hardly think or function.
Trance will not feel like anything else you've experienced exactly, and it is somewhat personal to you.
D. Believing You Cannot Be Hypnotized
Yes, believing you cannot be hypnotized does actually make it harder for you to go into trance. It's not impossible to (because trance is the natural consequence of several basic parts of our minds), but with something like generalized files, it can make it completely ineffective.
So far, I have never met someone immune to trance, from the deeply anxious to the deeply distractible. Every single one of them has dropped deeply for me. To be unable to go into trance would mean to be entirely unable to focus and for some part of your mind to be entirely absent.
Now, what are the solutions to this?
A. Learning How Hypnosis Works
In contrast to what you may think, learning how hypnosis works does not ruin its effectiveness, and, in fact, makes it more effective in many cases. The very first thing I do when introducing someone to trance is explaining, in full, how it works on the basic level. I do so while putting them into trance at the same time.
This clears up misconceptions and also leaves the subject more informed and more assured in themselves. It also has the effect of making them better protected against manipulation and abusive practices.
B. Finding a Hypnotist for a Personal Session
If you cannot seem to troubleshoot this yourself, it's best to find someone who knows how to tailor a session to you specifically. The person who asked this is anonymous so I cannot speak to you personally unless you reach out, but I myself could potentially help in some instances. That being said, I'm quite busy these days, so thats not a promise.
If anyone else has questions, do not be afraid to send in an ask, I love answering them. Have a nice day, everyone.
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suuuupernovaaa · 1 year
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nìmal
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nìmal [nɪ.ˈmal] adv. trustingly, without hesitation
Anonymous Request: Can we have one where Neteyam and Omaticayan reader love each other very much. But a guy likes the reader and tries to break them up by making neteyam think that the reader is cheating on him. He gets really angry and accuses the reader of cheating. Like there's a big fight. But later he learns the truth and tries to make it up to her and she doesn't make it easy on him.
Neteyam believes a rumor about you, and when he finds out the truth, you're reluctant to forgive him for his bad behavior.
932 words
Your bag is so full of fish that you aren't sure you're going to be able to carry it back home, but you can't stop.
Throwing the spear, hearing that satisfying thwack when it connects, getting to put your body to use, it's easing some of the tension you're carrying.
"Idiot!" you exclaim, though whether you're directing that at the fish or not, is unclear.
How could Neteyam believe you would even consider betraying him? Have you not been loyal to him, promised to him, in love with him completely? Does he know so little of your character that he is willing to believe you would give your body to another - to someone you are not mated to?
Just the thought of it disgusts you. His confrontation yesterday has left a sour taste in your mouth, and you feel so angry and hurt, you don't know how to release these emotions.
Kiri assured you she would fix it, but it's been an entire day, and you haven't seen Neteyam. Plus, you aren't sure if she can fix it - even when Neteyam realizes he was wrong, some damage has been done.
You catch another fish, add it to your bag, and decide to head home. This isn't helping anything.
Neteyam arrives just as you try to hoist the bag over your shoulder, and you freeze when you see him.
--
He watches her from behind the trees for a while, listening to her cursing at the fish she's killing, knowing she's picturing him in their place.
He winces with every kill.
He deserves it. He will curse himself until the day he dies for what he's done.
It's hard to explain it, even to himself. He just hopes she'll listen.
The glare she gives him when he approaches is almost lethal. "Can I carry this for you?" he asks, and the bag thuds to the ground again.
"No," she replies, spitting venom through her perfect teeth.
"Okay... can I explain myself?" He lifts his hands up, palm out, surrendering to her.
Not only is Y/N beautiful, but she is lethal. Most of the Omaticayan women are fierce, but something about Y/N gives her an extra edge. She is quiet, thoughtful, and dangerous. He's almost a little scared, which is part of why he's always been so attracted to her.
"You can apologize," she replies, standing straight, arms crossed over her chest, waiting.
"I am sorry, Y/N. Not only did Marek confess to me what... he said happened, but many confirmed it. It seems, you made some enemies, and one um, admirer. They were all too willing to confirm his story for him."
"None of that should have convinced you, Neteyam," she replied, so evenly and calmly that a chill ran up his spine. "You should have trusted me. You should have trusted how I feel about you."
"But you, Y/N," he rubbed his forehead. "You almost never tell me how you feel about me. You're very hard to read."
Her back stiffened, and her mouth opened a little as if to speak, and then closed again.
"Oh..."
--
That wasn't at all what I had expected Neteyam to say.
Though I felt very sure of my love for him - had I not done a good enough job ensuring he was sure of it, as well?
I tried to think... how many times had I told him I loved him? Not very many. But, how many times was I supposed to? Did he have a greater need to hear it than I realized?
"Still," I replied, still processing. "You wouldn't even listen to me, Neteyam."
He stepped forward. "That was wrong. I was wrong, and I should not have doubted you. It will never happen again."
You felt crushed by the look on his face. You tried to put yourself in his place; if he was feeling unsure of your affections, and so many people were lying to him, maybe it was easy to be confused?
"I would never want to be with any man, besides you," you said finally.
Neteyam stepped a little closer still, tentatively.
"I want to be your mate, Neteyam. It is all I have ever wanted. I am angry at you, very, very angry... but I see maybe I haven't made how I feel clear, to you. It all get stuck, up here." You point to your head, and you see Neteyam's expression relax.
He reaches out and takes your hand, and you allow him to pull you close.
"I'm sorry, Y/N. I trust you fully, and I will never doubt you again."
"I will... I will tell you how much I feel for you every day, if it helps."
He smiles, and squeezes your hand. "You don't have to say it every day... if you don't want to."
You reach out, running your fingers from his temple to his chin.
"I could show you, instead."
His brow perks up, and his smile grows.
"Yes, that could be good."
You lean in, pressing your lips gently to his, and he takes your face gently into his hands, and then wraps his arms around you as the kiss deepens.
When you pull apart, you are both breathless and smiling.
You bend down, picking up the bag of fish, and thrust it into his arms.
"You may carry this, and then consider yourself forgiven."
He bows under the weight of it, but dutifully carries it the long walk home for you.
Neteyam never doubts you again, and you show him just how much you love him every day.
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doudouneverte · 11 months
Text
2nd choice, but 1st place
a/n: okay I was very inspired for that I don't know why. And it should be my last last football (soccer) fic at leat until the world cup
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*not my GIF*
Pairing: VfL Wolfsburg (frauen) x Putellas!Reader; Alexia Putellas x sister!Reader; (hint of Lena Oberdorf x Reader)
Summary: You need to prove that you're notjust La Reina's little sister.
Type: Fluff
Warning: nothing
word count: 5433 (i was inspired sorry)
note:
(///////) means change POV to TV pov (I tried something very new)
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Dreams are made to come true, they say. Yours just started when you signed your first professional contract for Barcelona. You were nervous, but you were not alone; there was your sister, the great Alexia Putellas, and the one who will become your best friend, Ona Batlle. But your debut was not really like you expected; according to your previous coach, you were too much like your big sister, and the club decided to send you on loan to Levante.
You shouldn’t be angry by their decision, but you got more play time there, and you were with Ona, at least until she joined the WSL. The defender tried to convince you to go with her and maybe play with her in Manchester, but you declined. You were really happy with your new club, and they even decided to keep you after the left back left.
But fortunately or unfortunately for you, Barcelona wanted you back after their Champions League final win against Chelsea. At first, you thought that they finally found an interest in you, but you learned late that it was more of a way for them to be sure you didn’t sign with the rival, Real Madrid.
At the end of the 2022 season, you received some calls from a lot of clubs who were ready to sign you next summer. Honestly, you didn’t know how they could recruit a bench player, but two clubs caught your attention: Manchester United and VfL Wolfsburg. When you talk about it with your sister, it’s unnecessary to say she wasn’t really happy with it.
You were with the team celebrating the three trophies won this season. You talked a little with Ingrid and Fridolina; you three grew up close because they joined the club with you. After they gave you some advice, you decided to pull your sister away from the girls to announce your decision.
"But why?" Alexia asked, and you rolled your eyes.
"Do you really need to ask?" You were not really shocked by the fact that she seemed oblivious to your situation; every time you played together, she looked as happy as when you were both children and you were trying to reach her level. But there is the problem: you were not that little kid anymore, and you definitely didn’t want to reach her level like you did in the past. "Listen, I already talked with the coach and everyone. Ingrid and Frido said that Wolfsburg is a great team to improve myself so I think I can try."
"But why? Is it because we lost in the Champions League? I’m angry too, but don’t worry; we will do it next year, I promise." She said, and you sighed.
"No, it’s not—" you groaned. "I mean, yes, I’m angry that we lost, but it’s not because of that."
"So what is it? I thought you wanted to win the Champions League together. I thought you wanted to show the world how incredible the Putellas sisters are." She said, and gave you a nudge.
"I want; I really want, but look at us. You won the freaking Ballon d'Or; you're the captain of the team and the national team. Don’t get me wrong, I’m really proud of you; nobody deserved it more than you. But look at me; I struggle to make my way on this team. Until I’m still in your shadow, I could never reach your level; it’s not your fault, but it’s just that no team needs two of the same players." You explained, and your sister stayed there, processing everything you said.
"I didn’t know," she said. You wrapped your arm around her shoulders and gave her a weak smile. "I’m sorry," she said with tears in her eyes.
"Hey, it’s okay; it’s not your fault; it’s just that you started to create your own legend here, and it’s a good thing, but if I want to improve my skill, I need to leave." You said, and she hugged you.
======
The final whistle echoed in the stadium; it's over; Spain lost against England and was out of the Euro 2022. It took you a moment to realize what that meant. The coach called you just before the first match to let you know you'd replace your sister because she got injured just before the competition, and now you were angry and disappointed because you didn't qualify your team for the next round.
You were sitting on the pitch with your head in your hands when you felt a hand on your shoulder. You turned your head to meet Ona's eyes. She was trying to restrain her tears, but you knew her better than anyone else. You didn't say anything; you just stood up and pulled her into a tight hug before your teammates came a few seconds later.
After a little while, you went to congratulate the winners with a sad smile, and you could see some English players were truly sorry for you. Leah came and hugged you while you tried not to fall apart on her shoulder. "I'm sure she's proud of you." She whispered to you, and you nodded. When you broke the hug and looked at the crowd, you saw her. Alexia was there, visibly sad, but she gave you a smile to reassure you and let you know that she's proud of your match even if Spain didn't win.
Later that night, you were with Ona, packing your things, when Alexia knocked on the door. The defender took a moment to analyze and make sure you were okay before she left you two alone.
"You did great." Alexia said, and you hummed, not really looking at her to avoid a possible deception on her face. She grabbed your hand, and you finally looked at her "I'm serious, you were the best player today."
"Yeah, but that was not enough to win." You replied, and she sighed. She knew why you were acting like that, why this defeat seemed more important to you than anyone else, and secretly she couldn't help but blame herself for something she couldn't change.
"This shot in the second half was extremely precise, and if their captain didn't touch the ball, I'm sure you would score." She added and rubbed your cheeks with her hand. You lowered your head to look at her leg and the clutches she carried with her everywhere.
"How is your knee?" You changed the subject; you were definitely not ready to talk about it right now.
"It will be hard, but I should be back before the end of the next season." She said, and sat on the bed where your suitcase was while you continued to fulfill it. There was silence until your sister spoke again. "You know, we'll miss you." She said it with a sad smile.
"I know, but it's not like I'll change continents or anything. We will stay in the same time zone, and if you're good without me, we will face each other in the Champion's League." You joked, and she gently pushed you.
You spent the rest of your summer with your family before being called to Germany. In the airport, your mom and Alexia were making sure you hadn't forgotten anything, while Alba and you just rolled your eyes at them. When they called your flight, you gave them a last group hug, cautiously avoiding touching your sister's knee.
To your surprise, everything fit perfectly; your new teammates were really happy to have a new face, and the coach seemed to really trust you. Due to your position on the field, you didn't start every match, but it was definitely enough to grow some ties with your teammates and one in particular, Lena Oberdorf.
You were used to playing behind your sister in Barcelona, so of course you didn't mind playing defensive midfielder beside her, and it was definitely a game changer to have both of you on the pitch. The Bundesliga seemed too small for you two; rare were the strikers who were able to pass you and the German.
You definitely shined during the group stage of the Champions League, when everyone was prepared to stop Poppy or Pajor; they didn't know you were able to play as N°10, and every goalkeeper was shocked to see you so close to their penalty areas.
Because of your perfect performance on the group stage, Lena started to call you Prinzessin, or princess in German, because of Alexia's nickname. You found it funny and started to call her your knight because she always cleaned up after you every time you lost a dual.
Everything couldn't be better; you were one of the best scorers in the Bundesliga and definitely the one with more assists. While you were eliminating the PSG, your best friend was becoming the best left back in the WSL, and your sister started to work out to prepare for her comeback.
======
At the press conference before your first leg at home against Arsenal, a journalist asked something funny to Tommy Stroot: "What can you say about the transformation of Y/n?"
"What?" Your coach asked back.
"I mean, it's not the end of the season, and she already beat her record from the two past seasons. She was involved in four goals in the semifinal of the DFB-Pokal against Bayern. So, I'm asking if you know something about her transformation on the pitch."
There was a little silence; the response seemed so obvious that the coach couldn't even believe he asked him that. "I don't know if it's really a transformation; when she trained with us for the first time, she beat my expectations. I don't think we did something to her; maybe she just needed some confidence and play time. She's a young player, and it's the most important thing."
"Talking about play time, she got injured in the last match; do you think she'll get back in time for the match tomorrow?" Another journalist asked.
No, definitely not, but she works hard on her side to be available for the match in London, so I'm not worried." After a few rounds of questions, the conference ended.
To your surprise, the first leg ended in a draw. You were frustrated not only because you couldn't play but also because you knew you had to win the next match. In London, things were a little different; the Gunners were favorites, of course, but the atmosphere was almost suffocating, and things didn't go better when Stina scored the first goal. You were on the bench for this match; you were ready to play, but your coach wanted to use you as a super sub, and this man rarely gets it wrong.
At the end of full time, the score was 4-4 in aggregate, so that meant overtime, and overtime meant super sub. You just need 15 minutes to install fear in your opponent's mind. You barely lost a ball, and even when it happened, Lena always had your back. And in the next fifteen minutes, you did what you did best this season: assisted Bremer eight minutes before the end and qualified Wolfsburg for another final in their history, and more than that, because it will be against Barcelona.
Until then, you win the dfb-Pokal without surprise, and you place yourself as the second-best scorer of the season in the Bundesliga. At the end of the season, everyone's eyes were locked on one thing.
The day before the final, you were in your hotel room in Eindhoven talking with some teammates who had invited themselves into your room when you received a text from Ona.
Ona: good luck for tomorrow, Princesa. I come with Leila and Laia You: you come to see me or the girls? 🤔 Ona: everyone  You: okay but I need to tell you that we will win tomorrow, so prepare the girls to comfort them Ona: I don't come here to see my best friend lose You: don't worry, you'll not You: I need to go. the girls need me to annoy the older. see you tomorrow. I'll let you touch the trophy 😜  Ona: yeah sure 🙄
======
On D-Day, the pressure was at its highest level; the fans were expecting a victory, and you, the players, would do anything for that. In the changing rooms, everyone was tense after the lecture from your coach. You started your little routine before any big games to focus until you saw Lena beside you, totally nervous.
"Hey Lee, are you okay?" You asked after you gently paused your hand on her tight. She looked at your hand before locking her gaze on yours.
"I don't know. I mean, it's a big game, like, THE big game of the season." She said, and you chuckled. You found her very cute when she was stressed, but she didn't need to know that, at least not yet.
"Yes, but you played a big finale last summer, remember?" You asked.
"And I lost." She replied.
"Okay, that's not what I was expecting." You admitted; you sighed and gently cupped her face with your hands, forcing her to look at you. "Listen, I know it's a big game. I know how terrifying it is to face a team like that, but you're not alone. There's all the team to help you in the first half, and I'll be there in the second, whatever happens." You said quietly, and she chuckled, leaving you confused.
"I was more stressed about making your ex-teammates cry because we would crush them, but I think your little speech helped me too." She joked, and you rolled your eyes, even if that made you laugh too.
"Okay now, enter that pitch and show them what my knight in shining armor can do." You said, and all the girls cheered you up.
///////
"Good afternoon, everyone, I'm Dave, and I'll be your commentator for this final of the Champions League. I'm not alone; I'm with Selena, our consultant for this match. Good afternoon, how are you?"
"Pretty good, thanks, Dave. And yeah, we're here today for THE most important match of the season, one of the most equilibrated matches of this Champions League journey, at least on paper."
"Yes, on paper, the match would be beautiful to see, but we need to remind ourselves that FC Barcelona start this match with a little advantage. They were declared champions a few weeks before the end of the season, so they could rotate their squad and rest their players for this final."
"Of course, it will be a great advantage, but we saw how Wolfsburg can be really dangerous when we're not ready. I don't think Alexia and her teammates will take it easy; I think the defeat of the last year is still in everyone's memories."
"Talking about Alexia and her teammates, the players should enter the pitch in an instant now." The players started to walk out of the tunnel, and everyone was focused on one thing: the victory. You were on the bench watching your first team against your provisory team.
The anthem of the Champions League was playing on the speaker of the Phillips Stadion; the supporters started to be impatient, and you were more nervous.
"I will never get used to this tension just before the kickoff."
"I totally understand you; it never misses to give me goosebumps. I was watching the composition of the two teams, and I'm a little shocked to see Y/n in the starting eleven. What do you think about it?"
"It's a surprise, but not as big as anyone thinks. We know that Tommy Stroot likes to use her as a super sub, and it's technically those types of matches where anything could happen that you need someone like her."
"Her big sister doesn't start either, but it's not really a surprise, so I think I'm talking for everyone when I say that we are really excited to see the both of them on the pitch. And now the kickoff."
—------------
Surprisingly, after the kickoff, the advantage was clearly for the German team.
"The Spanish seem to struggle to keep the ball out of their side of the pitch."
"Yes, but we know they can reverse this; we just need to—"
"Oh no, big mistake from Bronze. Pajor can shoot, and- she didn't miss! Wolfsburg take the lead with a missile from their Polish striker."
"I was saying that they can reverse, but this didn't go well, haha."
"It's not your fault; nobody can predict that Lucy Bronze would leave a little place for Pajor to shoot. But only after fifteen minutes, the teammates of Alexandra Popp can dream to lift the prestigious trophy."
—------
"—she's doing one of her best performances today, but– but right now the Catalans recuperate the ball! Graham Hansen is alone by her side. Oh, what a great move to push the ball in front of the goals; she can shoot—no, she passes, why she—"
After only fifteen minutes, everything needed to be redone.
"It's Patri!! After only fifteen minutes, ladies and gentlemen, Patri scored the equalizer!"
"That was the best way to finish this action, Dave. What a great goal and great performance from the Spaniard since the Germans took the lead! The solution didn't come from the strikers, so she just decided to take it into her own hands. 1-1, the real game starts now."
"You said it, Selena; she had the lucidity to stay away from any defender, and the finish is just amazing."
You and the girls were gutted; you didn't plan to win this game with a big goal difference, so any goal against you is barely a synonym of defeat. The real nightmare started only five minutes before halftime.
"A corner kick for Barcelona. It's shot very well, and—it's Rolfö! The Swedish give the advantage to the Spaniard only five minutes before halftime! What a goal!"
"Like you said, Dave, what a goal from Fridolina Rolfö. She used to score beautiful headers, and that's why corner kicks are one of the most dangerous weapons on this team. She just freed her from any defender and easily put it in the back of the net."
"You can see the joy erupting from Barcelona's bench; the supporters are uncontrollable, and it's totally understandable. The Swedish player may have just secured the victory with this goal."
In the next five minutes, your teammates pushed but failed to score against a visibly blessed Paños.
"And the referee blew the whistle; it's halftime, ladies and gentlemen. We will remind you of the score for the one who just joined. There is a 2-1 lead for Barcelona. Pajor scored the first goal of the game, but only fifteen minutes later, Patri equalized, and Rolfö gave them the advantage a few minutes ago."
///////
Back in the changing room at halftime, your teammates looked defeated, and after another lecture from your coach, the room was pretty quiet. The girls seemed to be trying to focus on the second half. Lena rested her head on your shoulder, and you intertwined your fingers with hers.
"Okay girls, you heard me out." Alexandra started to speak and gained everyone's attention. She gave a pretty encouraging speech. During this time, you were rubbing your thumb on the back of Lena's hand.
After the speech, when it was time to go, you unconsciously kissed the defender's hand and made her blush, but you were totally oblivious. "I believe in you; I know you'll be better in this half." You whispered to her, and she squeezed your hand.
/////// 
"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back. We're here for the second half of this final of the Champions League, opposing Barcelona to Wolfsburg, and the Spaniard took the lead just before halftime." The two teams were going back on the pitch with a little change in the Spaniard's side.
"We were just talking about her before during the halftime, and Jonatan seemed to have heard you." You were one of the last ones to come out of the tunnel, and you were a little surprised to hear the Barcelona fan chanting your sister’s name, but you were more surprised to see her ready to start the end of the match. "No, you’re not dreaming Alexia Putellas will play her first minutes in this campaign! Now the question is how Wolfsburg will react to this."
It was not surprising that the Spaniard took the advantage at the start of the second half, and things went worse when what everyone expected happened.
"Bonmati for a cross in the box, the defense struggles to kick the ball out. Alexia recuperates the ball; she places herself and aims, and—it's a goal! Barcelona is now leading by two goals!"
The joy erupted from the benches of the previous finalists. All the Spanish supporters were screaming; it was almost done. Almost because it was only the fiftieth minute, they had to conceive the score for forty minutes, and your coach was about to make his biggest move.
Your teammates were about to start the end of the game until the referee blew the whistle for a sub.
"Things are going to be more exciting now. The coach of Wolfsburg just made his super sub, Roord, let her place to Y/n." As a reminder of the start of this second half, all the German fans were chanting your name when you entered the field. You found your position beside your defensive midfielder, and the match started again.
"I have an interesting statistic for you, Dave. Wolfsburg only lost three games this season when they aligned their duo Lena-Y/n. And what is most incredible is that Y/n is a former offensive midfielder, but she didn't struggle to play a little lower on the pitch. She's very versatile."
Yeah, it's very incredible, but you know what is very unbelievable?" 
"No what?" 
Is it that since they became pro, the Putellas sisters have played more against each other than with each other."
"Wait what?"
"Yeah, Y/n played for Levante until the last season, but she played only four games with her big sister on the pitch in Barcelona."
"It's quite funny because when we saw them playing together, it was almost like they had done it all their lives."
"Yeah, but I see almost the same result this season between Lena and Y/n, like now."
You recovered the ball, dribbled Aitana, and passed to Lena before being stopped by Keira. The German gave it back to you just perfectly in front of the penalty, and that led to you shooting and hitting the crossbar.
"She was so close to scoring only after five minutes of her appearance in this match."
"I think Tommy Stroot made a great choice to sub her on now; like we said earlier, even if she played alongside Oberdorf, she's a former offensive midfielder, which means that she can contribute to the offensive task. But she also gives hope to the team and their supporters; I think it's important too."
A few minutes later, Lena recovered the ball pretty high on the pitch and gave it to Sveindis, who made an incredible run, followed by Rolfö, but managed to cross it in the box, where you pushed it into the net with a big header.
"Ooh, what a goal! Y/n just scored a beautiful header, reducing the gap between the two teams."
"I wanted to say that the defense was too chill, but her placement was just perfect. She was quicker than anyone on this action, and I think it's not too bad to say she's quicker than anyone since she's here. She scored a striker's goal."
After thanking the Icelander and hugging some teammates, you were ready for the rest of the game. The game was more tense. The Barcelona players pushed really hard, but you were almost suffocating all their actions with Lena. Talking about action, your team just got one after a great save from Frohms, who kicked the ball far away. You controlled it and looked around to find yourself almost alone on the right side of the pitch, which means if you want to find a way to be in a good position to shoot, you have to use your left foot.
Alexia knew that; she was the one who praised you when you became more skilled than her, and what helped you was your ability to use both feet almost perfectly. Patri otherwise seemed to forget that because she was surprised when she got nutmegged; Rolfö just behind her tried to surprise you, but she got crocheted. You were running to the box, and when Mapi came to stop you, you noticed Popp alone was not offside yet, so you just lobbed the defender, and your captain controlled it perfectly. And she didn't miss her 1v1 with Paños.
"And Alexandra Popp for the equalizer!"
"What beautiful action from Y/n. She totally danced with her ex-teammates; she reached another level in this final."
You wanted to apologize to Patri, but you were stopped by the tall body of your captain, who pulled you into a tight hug. You laughed when she let you go, but not before she messed up with your hair like she had loved to do since the start of the season.
"I think we can say that Y/n is literally the definition of a supersub. She's implied in the two goals that helped Wolfsburg come back in this match. And from her expression, we can think it's not finished yet."
The German fans were chanting your name like you had been in this club for a few seasons now. That made you blush, and you made a heart with your hand to show them your love before the next and hopefully last quarter of the match.
Your sister and her teammates were more nervous and reckless in the last minutes, maybe because of the stress that led to some ugly tackles, which almost made you feel nostalgic about your matches against Georgia Stanway.
"The fourth referee announced 5 minutes of extra time. If Wolfsburg continue like that, maybe they could win in overtime like against Arsenal."
Only five minutes of extra time, despite all the fouls, was a miracle. Barcelona's players were more aware of you, and sometimes you were almost never marked by only one player. But you found a little breach where you forced your passage, and you found yourself trying to keep the ball from your sister and Ingrid. You wanted to pass, but they blocked every angle, so you took some steps back and decided to do it quickly.
You easily erased your sister with a dribble on her wrong side, and the Norwegian received your fourth nutmeg of the match. You wanted to pass to Pajor when you felt something collide against your foot, and you fell to the ground.
"Ouch, it's a pretty bad tackle from Mapi Leon."
///////
You were on the ground with your ankle between your hands, trying to ease the pain, when you heard multiple voices arguing.
"Hey, are you crazy?" You recognized Poppi’s voice.
"I didn’t do that on purpose, okay?" Mapi replied.
Lena quickly came to you and tried to distract you while your sister tried not to let your captain hurt her best friend. "Hey, do you hear me?" she asked, and you nodded. "Okay, good. The medics should come in a few seconds. Do you think you can continue the match?"
"Yes, of course." You spoke through the pain, and she nodded. Like she said, the medics came a little after; it was not serious, but it was not a good move from your national teammate. After the approval of the medic, you prepare yourself for the free kick.
A foul in front of the box, not so far, a little on the right side. Svenja took the ball, placed it, and looked at the players in the penalty area. You were still beside her, lightly testing your foot.
///////
"It seems that Y/n and Svenja Huth are talking about who’ll shoot this free kick. It can be the last action of the match. Who should shoot it for you, Selena?"
"Oh, it’s a tough question. We know Svenja can find a teammate in this situation; she took all the free kicks like always, and she was good like always. But, even if the last time she took a free kick was in her time at Levante, Y/n have pretty good statistics on this exercise."
///////
You took two steps back and a step to the left, took a deep breath, and focused on the goal. The referee blew the whistle. Alexia met your gaze; she knew. Svenja raised her left hand to indicate the near post. She started to run but stopped herself in front of the ball. She just took a step to the right, and you made your way to shoot.
Your feet hit the ball, and you saw it fly toward the goal in the opposite upper corner.
///////
"Y/n took the free kick and—she scored! In the last minute of this final, Y/n gave the victory against her former club! It’s totally unbelievable!"
"You say it, Dave! I thought Svenja would shoot it, but she let the young Spaniard, and for her first free kick with the wolves, Y/n just scored a beautiful one! She perfectly hit the opposite corner; Sandra Paños didn’t see it coming. This final is incredible, and this player is incredible. And the referee just blew the end of the match."
"They did it! Wolfsburg are Champions again for the third time in their history!"
///////
All the bench ran to you; you couldn’t process what was happening until you felt yourself being tackled on the ground by Lena, quickly followed by the rest of the team. You did it; you won your first Champions League. The tears started to run down your cheeks, and you wrapped your arms around the defensive midfielder.
"We did it," she said to you, and you nodded. She brushed away your tears and discreetly kissed your cheek.
You wanted to celebrate more, but you noticed your national teammates’ faces. You went to console a lot of them when you spotted Fridolina and Ingrid with Mapi and Alexia. The ex-Wolfsburg players noticed you first and were the first to hug you and congratulate you.
"We told you it'd be a good team for you." The Swedish said, and some tears started to fill your eyes.
"Hey, don't cry. It's okay." The Norwegian said this time, and you just gave her a sob as a response. They broke the little group hug when Mapi came closer to you.
The defender was the next to catch you between her arms. "I'm sorry for earlier." She and you shook your head to let her know that you weren't angry about that. Congratulations, hermanita." she continued.
"Thank you," you replied shyly. The girls patted your shoulders and left to see the rest of the team. It was just you and your sister now. She was crying, of course, and that made you cry too. When she noticed your tears, she just opened her arms wide, and you filled the space.
"You did it," your sister said, and you nodded against her shoulder. "I'm proud of you." She pulled away to look at you. "I meant it; you were the best player today."
"I'm sorry." You said while you were crying, but the captain immediately shushed you and pulled you into another hug.
Hey, no, don't be sorry. It's okay; we lost, and it's frustrating, but you deserve it. Listen," she pulled away from the hug and pointing to the supporters around you. Even some of Barca’s fans were chanting your name. "You proved everyone that you’re more than my little sister; you start to create your own history." You wanted to say something, but you were required to do an interview.
After that, the final ceremony started. You were a little surprised to be the player of the match, but Lena kept saying that it couldn't be anyone except you. While you were talking with the midfielder, Alexandra was talking with your sister. Their conversation was a little interrupted when they saw you chase the German with a big smile.
"Do you think I need to say something?" the Spanish captain asked.
"Not yet," the tall captain replied, and your sister nodded.
This third June, despite what everyone thought before this final, you led the Germans to number one in Europe. Your dreams came true.
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blondwhowrites · 2 months
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A/N: This is for all my autistic homies. I fucking love you guys 😘. Btw this is based on how autism shows itself in girls/women. Remember for all my autistic girlies, never ever feel sorry for being yourself ❤️
"Mattheo, I'm autistic." 
Mattheo looked at you, mouth agape. He raised an eyebrow, looking at you quizzically, obviously confused. "What's that?" he questioned, his head tilting slightly to the side. 
You stared at him, unblinking. "You don't know what autism is?" You asked, slowly processing his lack of information. Was wizard society really that far behind? Damn. You sighed, chewing on your lower lip. How was one supposed to explain autism to someone who has probably no idea what disabilities even are? 
"Well, Matty, to sum it up, I don't work like other people do," you tried to explain while sitting down next to him. "My mind works differently than yours and other people's." 
He watched you curiously, taking in your words and trying to make sense of them in his mind. "Is that supposed to scare me away because, darling, it isn't working? You're not getting rid of me." 
You laughed, shaking your head. "I mean, it might scare some people away, but no, that's not why I'm telling you this," you replied, your heart swelling with happiness at seeing his positive reaction. "I'm telling you this because I want you to know that being in a relationship with me will be different from other relationships you have been in before." 
Mattheo nodded, his foot repeatedly tapping the ground. "Well, I'm willing to learn. So lay it all on me, baby," he chuckled, his lips curling up in a smile as he looked at you. He watched as you wrung your hands together, and he reached out, grabbing one of your hands and squeezing it. "Darling, I'm being serious when I say I want to learn." 
Your shoulders went slack, and you let out a deep sigh. The nerves you felt slowly washed away with the assurance of his words. "Well," you began.
"I have a hard time with social cues and reading people. If someone is mad at me or annoyed, I won't be able to tell unless they specifically tell me that. While some people might be able to take hints, I can't really recognize them. I need you to be straightforward with me about your feelings." Your eyes darted to his, making sure he was listening before you continued.
"I can't handle loud and crowded places that well. They make me overwhelmed and overstimulated, and that can lead me to have a meltdown. Which is when my mind practically shuts down, or at least it feels like it, and I kind of regress during those. I can't speak or do anything, and I tend to hurt myself during those, like hitting myself. I also sometimes hurt others when they try to help me through my meltdowns. I don't mean to; I just can't really control what I do in those moments. Sometimes even the slightest of things can cause me to melt down or panic. If a change of plans happens, I can sometimes have extreme reactions to it that can derail my entire day. I'm not very good with change. I stim a lot, and sometimes it can look weird. Like, whenever I'm excited, you know how I jump up and down and flail my hands? That's me stimming. Repetitive motions, stuff like that. I also have a weird relationship with touch and intimacy. It depends on the person; for example, I feel comfortable touching you, but with Blaise, I don't. It changes a lot."
Mattheo listened intently to your words, nodding along and trying to make a mental checklist. All of this was important to you, and that meant it was important to him too. He didn't care how long this conversation would take, he was willing to hear everything you had about this.
"I go non-verbal sometimes, and I can't speak or talk for hours up to days. I literally can't talk, even if I want to. That usually happens after meltdowns or when I'm feeling really intense emotions. I have sensory issues and can't wear some clothes because of how they feel on my body. My relationship with food is basically non-existent. I can't eat some things because of how it feels, and sometimes I go selective eating, and it's really hard to eat anything else besides my safe foods. I also just sometimes forget to eat because I don't really process that I feel hungry unless I'm starving. I mask my autism a lot, hence why people sometimes think I'm lying when I tell them I'm autistic. I tend to copy other people unconsciously. That's why you see me and Pansy having a lot of the same little habits. "
You finished, your voice faltering as you looked at him nervously, trying to gauge his reaction. "There's a lot of other things, but that's like a pretty surface-level breakdown of it." You added, looking away from him and at the ground. "Oh, and also, if you see me not looking at you during conversations, it's not because I'm not listening; it's because I'm just not good with eye contact."
It was a lot of new information for Mattheo. He'd never considered the fact that people could, how did you say it, work differently? He'd have to ask you more about it during a later conversation. "I can work with that," he shrugged. 
Your lips curled up into a smile, and your eyes slowly lit up. "Really?" you asked, genuinely worried that he was just playing with you. 
"Well, I mean, obviously, I have a lot to learn still, and I'm probably going to make a lot of mistakes."
"Everyone makes mistakes," you interrupted him. 
He shushed you, playfully pressing his finger to your lips to stop you from talking. "What I'm trying to say is that your being autistic changes nothing to me. It's who you are, and I love who you are. I promise you, I'm going to try my hardest." 
You felt tears prick your eyes, and you nodded. "You have no idea how much that means to me, Matty," you sniffled, and you squeezed his hand. 
"Like I said before, darling, you're not ever getting rid of me."
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viviennevermillion · 1 year
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5 Love Languages ♡
notes: might write these for all dorms if i have the stamina. if you would like to be notified when i post works for your favorite characters, you can join my taglist. also feel free to commission me! Also everytime I write anything for Lilia I have to physically stop myself from turning it into the angstiest shit I have ever written.
prompt: how they express the 5 love languages and how they like to receive love in return
contains: diasomnia x gn!reader
warnings: none
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𝕄𝕒𝕝𝕝𝕖𝕦𝕤 𝔻𝕣𝕒𝕔𝕠𝕟𝕚𝕒 ♡
╰┈➤ Words of Affirmation
Malleus is one of the most verbally affectionate people in the cast. He may not be as in tune with his own emotions, but once he's aware of his feelings for you, he knows well to put them into words. He has this old-fashioned, sometimes almost poetic way of speaking and he doesn't even need to try very hard to make your heart beat faster. Like, just look at his lines in canon. "You're not afraid of me but I'm starting to become afraid...of losing you".....once you're dating him it's this x5. He'll take your hands into his and tell you that you make his heart flutter and that he wants nothing more but to spend the rest of his long, long life with you. He notices all the little things about you that he finds beautiful and he doesn't hesitate to tell you.
Malleus loves being on the receiving end of compliments as well. It boosts his mood instantly to have you gush over him or go on a tangent about how much you adore him. Malleus sucks up compliments and affection like a sponge. He'll have the softest smile on his face when you cup his face and tell him he means the world to you. He takes your hand into his and presses soft appreciative kisses to your knuckles. Malleus is whipped for you and the second your relationship is no longer a secret everyone will notice.
╰┈➤ Quality Time
Malleus loves spending time with you. Quality Time with him is the foundation of your relationship and the whole reason you even got this far with him. After centuries of being alone, Malleus adores having someone who will just ask him to hang out with them like it's second nature and he won't hesitate to seek you out either when he has an idea for how to spend your day together. This goes without saying but Malleus would love to take you on long nightly walks under the stars and hold your hand; exploring his favorite ruins and explaining every gargoyle he sees to you. You expressing interest in him and listening to his words with your utmost attention was what touched his heart first and it never fails to make him grateful for your presence in his life. Malleus is also up for almost any date ideas you bring to the table. He has much to explore about this world and what better way to do this than with the person he loves? He's curious and attentive. As your lover it's self-evident for him to learn more about your hobbies and engage with you in the things you're passionate about. His interest in your life is nothing half-hearted and you can bet he's getting just as excited as you about the things that matter to you.
╰┈➤ Gifts
Malleus likes to give you gifts as well. It's custom for dragon fae to give their lover prized possessions such as gemstones and jewelry, but Malleus has a very different understanding of what a valuable gift is than most fae engaging in this method of courting. So you'll get expensive jewels alongside a photo of his favorite gargoyle and a broken chandelier he found in an abandoned building. Sometimes you don't really know what to do with the gifts he gives you but he insists that once you become his consort you can have your own dragon hoard and just put everything there.
He treasures every gift you give him as well, no matter what it is. But he is especially weak for gifts where he can tell that you put a lot of thought into it. Something personal, adjusted to his interests. A modern book about gargoyles or a beautiful ice cream cup. He'll thank you and press a kiss to your lips gently, reminding you that he loves you and that you're the greatest gift he could ask for.
╰┈➤ Acts of Service
Don't let him. At least not in the beginning of the relationship when he's not as attuned to your needs yet. Because we know how Malleus trying to do things for other people usually turns out...acts of service from this man could be anything from a mild inconvenience to a magical safety hazard. He has the best intentions but the worst approaches.
Once he becomes aware of those shortcomings, he makes a point of asking you directly how he could support you. He will accompany you to tasks and appointments that stress you if you so wish, as well as use his magic to make life easier for you if you tell him that he can. It'll take him a while to not mess it up but he'll try for you.
Malleus generally doesn't see a need for you to assist him in anything while at Night Raven College, as he can do most of his tasks easily with magic. He still chuckles at your attempts to do so and feels flattered though. When you become his consort, Malleus treasures when you support him in his duties as prince and later king. Sometimes you'll personally bring him a few snacks and a cup of black coffee when he's busy with his documents. He'll thank you and presses a soft kiss to your lips, smiling against them and squeezing your hand gently, offering that you may seek him out if you need any assistance with your share of the work as well.
╰┈➤ Physical Touch
Malleus is touch-starved so he will happily take you up on the offer to touch you, if you allow him. When you two are alone, he'll be snuggled close to you or at least has an arm wrapped around you or holds your hand.
He'll let you touch his horns. They're quite sensitive and he'll close his eyes, letting out a soft sigh as you work your magic. When he's stressed or something upset him, he loves to rest his head in your lap and have you card your fingers through his hair and gently caress his horns.
Malleus also loves when you kiss the markings on his forehead. It's a silent promise for dragon fae that one intends to stay by their side forever. Malleus takes this gesture as an unspoken sign of your devotion and he'll reciprocate it, even if you don't have any dragon markings.
He loves to be snuggled up in bed with you or take a nice warm bath, kissing you softly for as long as you let him. He loves to spoil you with his affection and receive yours in turn.
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╰┈➤ Words of Affirmation
Lilia has his own, sometimes strange way of reminding you verbally just how much you matter to him. He always expresses his love for you in words when you least expect it; often by using unusual analogies and sentences that aren't very direct but still make it clear that he's speaking from his heart and out of genuine adoration for you.
Lilia is used to taking care of others; having served Briar Valley for centuries as well as having raised both Malleus and Silver. His love for you will shine through the most in moments where he's worried about you or scolds you playfully. He'll float if necessary, putting a hand at the back of your head and letting you bury your head in his chest. He'll look down at you with a peaceful smile of such pure devotion and fondness you don't get to see that often, softly telling you not to worry too much or to be more careful. He presses a kiss to your forehead as a reminder that he's always there when you need him.
Lilia can be a tease when he's on the receiving end for compliments. He'll usually laugh it off. "Khee hee, you flatter me", he'd chuckle and press a kiss to your cheek. But sometimes you'll see him respond with a sly smirk. "You think this getup suits me? Well, tell me all about it, won't you?", he lowers his pitch, maybe whispers in your ear or nibbles at your lips gently. Though, his teasing demeanor quickly shifts back to a hearty laugh when he sees that he has made you flustered. "Hehe, I didn't mean to fluster you", he lies. He absolutely meant to do that.
╰┈➤ Quality Time
Even though Lilia has been on this earth for a very long time, he still treasures the time he gets to spend with the people he loves and you're no exception to that. Sometimes you may underestimate how much all these small moments shared with you mean to him, especially with how casually he tends to talk about him, but those are the things he'll remember most when his final day does come.
Lilia loves to share the things he finds fun with you. He'll let you sit on his lap (or sit on yours) when he's gaming online and let you watch, explaining the game to you so you can share the experience together. He'll totally be up for playing games with you if you'd like to get the game yourself. He's the kind of man who's super welcoming to new players and willing to help you out whenever you need it.
He'll also offer to cook with you. If you are brave enough to let him into a kitchen while you're preparing a meal, you better keep a watchful eye on him to make sure he doesn't put any "special ingredients" into the dish that he thinks would "spice it up". Sometimes he'll be very insistent about doing things his way and assures you repeatedly that he has ways to improve the recipe tremendously. Pay no mind to suggestions like "Are you sure we don't want the oyster sauce in there?" or "Shouldn't we leave the gratin in the oven for a bit longer? The cheese on top isn't even black yet"; for the good of everyone involved.
Lilia knows how, even for someone with a long lifespan, life can feel surprisingly short; as can the time we spend with those we care about be cut short in an instant. As someone who has seen the horrors of war and experienced loss over and over again, Lilia sees even more meaning in the fact that you've chosen to spend a significant portion of your time with him. Time is a precious resource and he'd choose to spend his on you and the children he raised over and over again.
╰┈➤ Gifts
You need to find some sort of way to get yourself out of the predicament of being given "homemade meals" by him because that stuff is inedible, if not actively toxic, but you can also tell he put a lot of effort into it, however misplaced that effort may be. He'll be so excited when he brings you the dish, waiting eagerly to see your reaction to his cooking. Only that your reaction would probably not be what he anticipated.
Other than that, Lilia has a way of finding gifts and souvenirs you would enjoy for sure, just as he does for Malleus, Silver and Sebek. He treasures every gift you give him as well, whether it's something expensive you bought or something as simple as a sloppily made acorn necklace. For Lilia, it's the thought that counts when it comes to gifts.
╰┈➤ Acts of Service
Lilia doesn't mind helping you out when you need it; assisting you in matters that may stress you out or that you may have trouble with on your own; though Lilia is someone who will also always encourage you to be brave and find your own way to tackle issues head-on. He can't always tell you how to solve a problem in a way that works for you, but when you do find out yourself, he'll be very proud of you.
Lilia insists that he doesn't need your help with anything and most of the time that is true, but that doesn't mean he doesn't appreciate your attempts at doing so anyway. And if he truly does need your assistance with something, then what you do for him will be something he'll never forget.
╰┈➤ Physical Touch
Lilia enjoys touch; especially for showing his affection to you when he can't really put it into words. You'll definitely receive headpats whenever the occasion calls for it.
He'll also let you cuddle him when you wish to do so, letting you rest your head on his chest while he has an arm wrapped around you. He'll let you fall asleep while he holds you; though Lilia tends to shift around a lot at night. Sometimes you'll wake up and find him sleeping upside down on the ceiling instead. This is normal behavior for him, don't let it deter you.
Lilia likes teasing you with his physical affection. Expect quite a few kisses on your neck and close to your earlobe. He finds it very amusing when he can fluster you. Though, his teasing is often followed by a genuine, gentle kiss to your lips or your temple, to reassure you he truly does mean all the affection he gives to you.
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╰┈➤ Words of Affirmation
Silver isn't really that good at putting his love for you into words and when he attempts to do so, he'll be quite awkward about it and maybe stumble over his words a few times. His care for you shows in the way he's willing to protect you and how he worries about you a lot. That is the one thing he never fails to tell you. That you do not have to hesitate to call for him when you need his help for anything or feel unsafe in any situation. Your comfort and well-being is so important to him and he treasures when you acknowledge his efforts at preserving those things. He loves when you tell him he's a good boyfriend and is relieved to know that he's doing everything properly when it comes to making you feel loved and cared for in the relationship; as he doesn't really have any experience with dating and was quite nervous at first.
Silver gets flustered quite easily when he's on the receiving end of compliments. Lilia teases him about it a lot when he first starts dating you. His father is going to try to play wingman for the two of you and he's having the time of his life with it. Lilia will also absolutely tell you about the sweet things Silver has said about you when you're not around. Silver doesn't really know how to respond to a lot of verbal affection, so he just tends to let his actions speak and holds you for a while or gives you a sweet kiss.
╰┈➤ Quality Time
Silver has learnt to appreciate the time he has to spend with his loved ones, especially growing up around people who will live for so much longer than he does. So he too will treasure how much time you're willing to dedicate to him.
Before he confessed to you, he was a little unsure what activities you would enjoy doing together and he was a little hesitant to suggest anything; letting you pick whenever the occasion called for it, but he starts taking the initiative more once he actually starts dating you. He'll get one of the horses from the equestrian club ready and will take you on a ride, letting you sit behind him and relishing in the feeling of your arms wrapped around him and you holding onto him for support.
Silver sometimes, as he always has a habit to in any situation, falls asleep during your time spent together and he'll feel so sorry for it. At first he's worried that you might take it as a sign that he finds your presence boring or isn't really committed to your activities together, so reassure him that you don't take it personally. He'll still feel a little guilty, but he appreciates the reassurance. He'll try his best to stay awake during your dates.
╰┈➤ Gifts
Silver is pretty classy when it comes to gift-giving. Flowers and chocolates are his go-to option along with anything you have previously expressed wanting or enjoying. When he knows you like a certain brand of tea or a type of shampoo, he gets it for you when he sees it in a store. Silver is very attentive and notices when you run out of things needed for your daily life and he has a habit of getting them for you.
Silver has a tendency to be humble when you give him gifts. "Thank you, y/n, but that really wouldn't have been necessary" and "You didn't need to go out of your way to get me anything" are not unusual sentences to come out of his mouth; even on anniversaries or Valentine's Day. He'll be a little awkward about receiving gifts from you but he does appreciate them a lot nonetheless!
He's especially fond of practical gifts. Things like new riding gear or polish for his sword. It tells him that you're paying attention to the activities he cares about and support him in his training as well as with his hobbies. Silver will thank you for your gifts with a kiss on the cheek and reminds you that he loves you very much.
╰┈➤ Acts of Service
Perhaps the most prevalent love language Silver has. I mean he's literally a prince's attendant, a guard and his motivation is dedicating his life to pay his adoptive father back for raising him. If Silver is good at any way to express love, it's acts of service and that is what he defaults to. He's always ready to get you whatever you need to be comfortable and happy; he'll protect you whenever the need arises and he is dedicated to supporting you with any situations you might struggle with.
He's so attentive and can even go a little over the top when you're not feeling well. You're sick? He'll look up how to make a nice soup for you and brings it to your bed along with however many blankets you need and a warm tea. Nervous about an upcoming event? He'll hold your hand, gently caressing the back of your hand with his thumb to reassure you that he's right here with you to support you. He'll try to find solutions to the problem to make you feel more at ease. You're crying? Silver is ready to hand you tissues and wrap his arms around you, letting you cry into his shoulder.
Silver is a giver in a relationship and acts of service is another thing he will say he doesn't need and that you don't need to go out of your way to do anything for him. He can even be a little stubborn with this. Lilia might bonk him gently and tell him to just let you spoil him for once.
╰┈➤ Physical Touch
Silver loves cuddling. He'll fall asleep very easily when he's nestled in your arms and has your fingers running through his soft hair. He'd have a smile on his face that he isn't even aware of in that moment.
His kisses are gentle and sweet most of the time, reminding you of the pure and unconditional love he has for you. You're his first love and it shows. It takes him a while to ease into being shown a lot of physical affection but he adores it. Never complains about it and just accepts it without question.
He also doesn't mind PDA. He enjoys taking walks with you around campus, holding your hand or having an arm wrapped around you. He kisses your lips or your forehead as a quick goodbye whenever you part ways to go to different classes.
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╰┈➤ Words of Affirmation
The one love language Sebek likes to receive the most. He's not too enthusiastic about mixed signals and when he's truly dedicated to someone, he wants to know he's doing a good job at providing comfort and happiness for them. If you don't tell him on your own, he will ask you whether you're satisfied with how much affection he's showing you, if he's giving you everything you need and whether there's anything lacking. Sebek takes pride in being praised for his care and attentiveness and he craves the affirmation that he's a good boyfriend to you.
He will boast about it when you compliment him and he might let it go to his head once in a while. He definitely brags about the compliments you have given him to other people and sometimes you'll have to remind him to tone it down a notch.
Sebek is also very quick to compliment you in return. You're also Sebek's first relationship and he needs to unlearn the tendency to idealize you the way he does Malleus (he also needs to unlearn to idealize Malleus but that's another cup of tea). Either way, if you're dating Sebek you will know exactly where you stand with him. He leaves no room for doubt about that. He could go on for an hour about all the things he loves about you. He's the type to send you a whole love letter in your DM's.
Sebek finds so many little things he thinks are beautiful about you and with time you'll become aware of every single one of them.
╰┈➤ Quality Time
Sebek feels honored that you spend your time with him. He enjoys the quieter moments; having tea together or talking about books you have read. Like Silver, he will also take you horse-riding and enjoy the scenery on the Isle of Sages with you.
Sebek's ideal date is just going to the bookstores on the island and picking out books for each other; preferably something one of you has read already, so you can both look forward to the other's thoughts about the matter. He loves just being snuggled up in a cozy position on the couch and reading idly next to each other. You occasionally exchange kisses or he'll glance over to your book, see which chapter you're on and ask you for your thoughts on a particular thing that happened in the book.
╰┈➤ Gifts
I hope his parents don't give him that much pocket money because Sebek is not above spending a ridiculous amount of money on gifts you really didn't need. If someone just offhandedly mentions something would be a good gift for a lover, Sebek is already contemplating whether to get it for you. I'm honestly surprised Azul hasn't made a regular customer out of Sebek yet because convincing him that you or Malleus would like a thing is a pretty solid way to get Sebek to spend money.
He treasures every gift you give him. Even if you didn't intend for something to be a gift. You could give him the wrapper of your chocolate bar and he'd treat it like a family heirloom. This is another "Sebek you need to tone it down a notch" instance.
Sebek is appreciative of literally everything you do for him so if you want a boyfriend who'll have grand reactions to your affection and is no stranger to elaborately explaining just how much a thing you did touched his heart, Sebek is your guy.
╰┈➤ Acts of Service
Sebek's #1 love language when it comes to giving you love. When you need something, Sebek gets ready to provide it for you before you even finished your sentences sometimes. "Sebek. Chill. Sit down", you take his hand and guide him to sit next to you again. "Right...", he responds and runs a hand through his hair awkwardly.
He moderates a little as your relationship progresses. At the beginning of it he's in a state where he would gladly do your homework for the rest of the year and make you dinner every evening etc.
He is so touched when you do things for him in return. He's like "wow, they actually put in so much effort to support me 😳🥺" internally and struggles to process that he's actually that lucky for this to be happening to him.
╰┈➤ Physical Touch
Sebek loves physical touch and he's actually kinda sensitive. At the beginning of the relationship when he's not used to your affection yet, just a kiss or you running your hands through his hair is enough to have him stumbling over his words and struggling to form coherent sentences. Sebek.exe has stopped working.
Sebek actively encourages as much PDA as possible without having it affect his reputation as Malleus's guard. He loves to boast about your affection and your love for him. Literally, the entire school could hate your guts and Sebek would still brag about being your boyfriend.
If you don't stop him you're going to be that couple who kisses repeatedly in the hallway before class starts.
Sebek especially adores cheek kisses and when you nuzzle his neck. But literally all affection from you has the potential to make his heart melt.
If you go too overboard, he might cry out of happiness.
taglist ─ @moldy-cheeto @vera-deville @rose-the-witch1 @endlessorrow @xxheartspadexx @mochinee @curekibouka-writing
also sebek is surprisingly hard to write for if you have to ignore malleus for the most part
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ivyangels-blog · 4 months
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Brother's Ex-Best Friend
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Summary: After watching Hawk break your brother's arm, you have trouble trusting him again.
A/n: I've discovered I enjoy writing hawk angst, so now you all must suffer
Warnings: violence, angst, injury and a rushed ending
--
I only got into karate because of my brother. I agreed that it might be good to learn to defend ourselves. I had no idea that it would increase the odds of us needing to tenfold.
Now I'm hiding in the corner of the laster tag place downtown, watching the boy who used to be my best friend, who I used to believe I was in love with, beat my brother to a pulp.
He pins Demetri to the ground, grabbing his arm and tugging it back.
"Finish him!" the other Cobra Kai's shout.
"Demetri!" I jump up from my hiding spot, rushing towards them.
Demetri is trying to reason with him. "Eli, Eli, it's me," he cries.
The other Cobra Kai's are shouting over him.
"Stop!" I cry, running towards them.
Eli looks up at me, but I realize that it's no longer him. The Eli I knew was kind and loyal. The person staring over at me is the complete opposite. His stone cold face is filled with nothing but hatred.
I watch in horror, as Hawk jerks my brother's arm, bending it backwards.
The crack echoes in my ears, only drowned out by the sound of my brother's scream.
"Demetri!" I drop to the ground beside him.
The other Cobra Kai's are already turning and leaving.
"It's okay," I mumble. "It's gonna be okay."
I look up to see Hawk still staring down at us.
"Just go!" I shout at him, tears spilling past my cheeks at having to listen to Demetri's whimpers.
I reach into my pocket, digging out my phone and calling 911.
By the time I've finished explaining the situation to the operator, Hawk is gone.
--
Time Skip
I wasn't able to forgive Hawk as easily as my brother did. I guess guys have a different sort of resolution to their fights. One second they hated each other, the next it was like a switch was flipped and they were best friends again.
I wasn't won over so easily, but maybe it has to do with the fact that I've barely talked to Hawk since he left Cobra Kai. Every time he comes over to hang out with Demetri, I find something to do elsewhere.
It's not until I absolutely have to, that I talk to Hawk again.
I was at work at the library where I intern. I was in charge of closing and I guess my boss didn't care if it was a sixteen year old all alone at night.
I should've locked the door after my coworker left, but I forgot.
It's my fault really.
I was shelving my last stack of books when I heard the bell of the front door.
"We're closed," I say, slipping another book into its spot.
"You hear that boys?" Kyler's voice makes my heart drop. "We got the whole place to ourselves."
A group of Cobra Kais appears in the middle of the library, about five boys.
One of them catches sight of me from my spot beside the bookshelf.
I drop the books in my hands, sprinting towards the back of the building.
Their shouts cut through the air behind me and I hear the pounding of their feet in pursuit.
I sprint down the back hallway, locking myself into the librarian's office.
The boys must not have seen where I went, because I hear them opening and closing other doors in the hallway.
I reach into my back pocket for my phone, but it's not there.
I must have left it by the front desk.
Frantically looking around, I spot the landline sitting on the desk.
I rush over to it and dial my home phone number, but no one picks up.
"Shit," I whisper, dialing Demetri next.
He doesn't answer either. My hands are shaking and my heart is about to beat out of my chest.
I try the only other number I have memorized: Eli's.
I press the numbers as fast as I can, forcing myself to take deep breaths. The door knob starts to jiggle, as I place the phone to my ear.
"Hey guys, I think she's in here!"
I press a shaky hand to my mouth, to hold back my gasp.
The phone rings...
and rings...
and
Please leave a message after the tone.
"Dammit," I mumble.
The door crashes open and I scream, dropping the phone so it dangles beside the desk by its wire.
"Looks like we've got you cornered now," one of the boys says.
I turn around, grabbing one of the books off the side table and holding it in front of me.
Kyler laughs and the others join in. "What are you gonna do?" he asks. "Smack some knowledge into me? You're such a nerd, working at the library. That's just sad."
"What do you want?" I ask.
"We just want to have a little fun. Don't we?" Kyler turns to the guys he's with and they all smirk and nod in agreement.
One by one, they're stepping closer to me. A blonde on my left is getting especially too close and I decide it's time to make my move.
I crash the book down over his head, bolting past him and around the desk.
The boys all shout in response and grab me before I can make it past the exit.
Their hands wrap around my arms, holding me in place.
I jerk and pull against their grasp, but can't manage to break free.
"You want the first shot, Andrew?" The boys turn to the blonde guy I just attacked, who's rubbing the top of his head.
"Hell yeah." He comes over to me and I start to tug harder against the hands holding me back.
"Let me go!" I shout, just to be silenced with a punch across the face.
The boys all cheer, as the left side of my face throbs.
Before I can look back, another punch is being delivered to my stomach.
It goes on like that, them taking turns hitting me until I'm gasping for breath.
Another kick is delivered to my stomach and its like I can barely feel it anymore.
"That should teach them not to pick a fight with us and not see it through," Kyler spits.
The arms around me loosen and I stumble without them holding me up.
"Let's get out of here." The boys file past me out the door, as I drop down onto the ground.
I lean my back up against the wall, struggling to catch my breath, wincing with each gulp of air.
I tell myself that I'll just sit for a little while and then I'll grab my things and go home, but I doubt I'll be able to make the walk in my condition. My vision is starting to go spotty and I’m worried I might pass out.
"Y/n? Y/n? Are you here?" The voice echoing through the halls pulls me to attention.
"Hawk?" I respond.
Before I can even sit up, he comes rushing through the door, dropping to his knees beside me.
"Jesus," he murmurs, looking at me with wide eyes.
"You came?" I whisper, not believing it to be true.
"Of course I did, I got your call. Are you okay?"
I nod, sitting up. "Yeah, I'm good."
"Here." Hawk lifts my arm, pulling it over his shoulder and lifting me up. "I'll drive you home."
We stop to grab my stuff and he helps me all the way out to his car.
I finally relax once we're on our way back to my house, letting my head fall against the head rest.
"What time is it?" I ask.
"A little after 11:00."
I sigh. "My whole family's gonna be asleep by now. I really don’t want to wake them up to this."
"You still keep your window unlocked?" Hawk asks.
"You remember that?" I ask.
"How could I forget? I spent too many nights sneaking in to hang out when you were grounded."
"God, only we were lame enough to have to sneak around just to stay home all night."
Hawk chuckles.
We pull into my driveway and Hawk hops out of the car, coming over to my side to help me.
With his support, I walk around to the back of the house, pausing below my window.
Hawk steps forward and pushes it open, turning to me and offering his intertwined hands as a platform to boost me up.
I grasp onto the windowsill and, since my bedroom's on the first floor, slip in easily.
Hawk comes in behind me and goes straight to my bathroom.
I move to sit on my bed, assuming he might just have to go, but he comes back out with a washcloth in hand.
"Can I?" he asks, approaching me.
I’m surprised by how much he cares, but nod and he presses the cool cloth to my face.
"It looks like they didn't get you too bad," he says.
Without saying anything, I reach to lift up my shirt, revealing the bruises on my stomach.
I haven't looked at them, yet, and the mixture of purple and yellow painting my skin looks worse than I could have imagined.
I turn my gaze up to see Hawk's reaction. His face is in a scowl, his nostrils flaring, as his grip on the washcloth tightens.
I'm once again reminded of why I'm so afraid of him.
"I can't believe that they ambushed you five to one," Hawk says. "Those cowards can't even make it a fair fight."
"How'd you know there were five of them," I ask.
Hawk goes back to pressing the washcloth on my cheek. "I saw them leaving when I got there."
"And you didn't stop to fight them?" I ask, confused.
Hawk furrows his brows. "No, I had to make sure you were okay."
I feel myself start to smile, because that's exactly something Eli would do.
"Let me go grab an ice pack," he pops up from the bed and leaves the room.
I take the opportunity while he's gone to change out of my jeans and blouse into loose fitting shorts and a t-shirt.
Hawk comes back from his mission, ice pack in hand, as well as a bottle of ibuprofen.
I take both, gratefully.
Hawk sits beside me on the edge of my bed, while I try and situate the ice pack on my stomach.
I can’t help but wince at the contact.
“They’re gonna fucking pay,” Hawk says.
“I’ll be fine,” I say. “Please, just leave them be.”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Hawk jumps up from the bed, waving his hands and turning toward me.
The action causes me to flinch backwards, closing my eyes and putting my head down.
It’s the briefest of movements but when I look back up Hawk is staring down at me with his mouth slightly agape.
“Are you scared of me?” he asks, his voice no louder than a whisper. Almost like he doesn’t want to speak it into existence, like he can’t believe it might be true.
I shake my head, not wanting to get into it right now. “I’m just jumpy cause of everything that happened tonight.”
Hawk rolls his eyes with a shake of his head. “You forget I can always tell when you’re lying. Is that why you’ve been avoiding me?”
“You broke Demetri’s arm. Demetri may be able to forget that, but I can’t. You were awful.”
Hawk’s face falls and he drops his head, avoiding eye contact.
“I know,” he murmurs. “I’m so sorry. If you’re okay, I’ll go.” He turns to head to the window. I should let him, but something about the way his head hangs low and how he refuses to meet my eye reminds me of Eli.
“Wait,” I find myself saying.
Hawk pauses and looks at me expectantly.
“You can stay,” I whisper.
“Are you sure?” he asks.
I nod. “Like old times.” I sit back on the bed, pulling my laptop up to find the Marvel movies we always watched together.
Hawk slowly sits down on the far side of my bed, putting plenty of space between us.
“You’re not going to be able to see it over there.” I slide next to him.
We sit in silence for awhile, eyes on my laptop screen. It’s not long before I start to feel tired, my head drops slightly, resting on his shoulder.
I feel Hawk tense a little at the contact and my head jerks back up with an apology.
“No, it’s fine. I don’t mind,” Hawk says and I rest my head against him once more.
I fall asleep like that, my head on his shoulder and when I wake up in the morning my face is planted on his chest.
I rub my eyes, sitting up and the movement causes Hawk to stir beneath me.
“Sorry for falling asleep,” I whisper.
He shakes his head. “Don’t be. It was nice to hang out like we used to. I missed you.”
His words make me pause. “I missed you, too.”
We sit like that, me leaning over him staring into each others eyes until Hawk breaks the silence.
“Uh, how are you feeling?” he asks.
“Sore,” I reply, “But I’ll be okay.”
“Thank you,” I add. “For coming.”
“I’ll always come get you, y/n.” Hawk’s eyes meet mine again and I can’t help, but feel drawn toward him.
His hand reaches up to brush the side of my face.
My heartbeat is fluttering, my mind is on overdrive trying to process what’s happening.
And then he kisses me, and it’s like the whole world goes still.
When we finally pull away both of us are smiling.
“I love you,” Hawk says. “I’ve loved you since we were kids and I need you to know it.”
His confession leaves me stunned, but my answer is easy. “I love you, too.”
Even though I’ve had my reservations about him recently I know it’s true. I realized it last night. I love the boy sitting across from me, Hawk and Eli alike.
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littlemissaddict · 28 days
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Just a little idea that popped into my head while I was trying to sleep. And while I love reading reader x single dad! fics as someone who doesn't want kids I just feel it's not something I've come across in fics yet (it probably has been done and if you have any recs please send them my way)
Also this drifted away from my original idea and I'm too lazy to correct it so please enjoy whatever this has turned into.
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"And then Ella" Steve was replaying the story animatedly across the table from her. They were on a first date, after having bumped into him at the grocery store last week where he had surprised her by asking her out.
"Sorry you've lost me, who's Ella" she asks, interrupting him but it was hard to follow the story when she had no idea who she was. She had figured she was another friend or something as it was the first time her name had been mentioned all night where as she'd heard all about the kids he used to babysit, his best friend Robin and the metalhead who had been adopted into the group but Ella was new.
Steve's face fell and she worried her question had upset him, had he already talked about her tonight and she'd missed it so now it had come across as she hadn't been listening. Oh god, it had been going so well and now she'd messed it up with one simple question.
"Have I not told you? I could've sworn I told you?" He asked, there was no accusations in his tone. Instead, he sounded more confused. She shook her head in answer to his questions and he sighed, "I could've, it's the first thing I tell people, how could I have not mentioned her" he was muttering more to himself than her.
She offered him what she hoped was a reassuring smile as she reached across the table to rest her hand over the top of his where at some point he'd clenched his napkin in his fist. He looked up at her touch, "it's okay you don't have to tell me if you don't want to" she reassured him. It may have been a first date but he didn't have to tell her his whole life story in one go, she hoped there'd be a few more where they could learn more about each other.
"No, she's someone I like to be up front about, I need to know before I get involved with anyone so they don't freak out and leave when they do eventually find out and then I'm left picking up the pieces" he explains and her heart bleeds for him, thinking about Steve thinking everything is going well only to be left picking the pieces of his heart up after they leave but she also can't help the anxious feeling building inside of her.
"Ella's my daughter"
Her face falls as soon as the words slip past his lips, a reaction she's quick to cover but not quick enough as Steve sees.
"I know it's a lot to take in especially when we're just getting to know each other that's why I like to make it known straight off the bat but tonight, I don't know I guess I just got so caught up in the excitement of being here with you that I forgot and that sounds terrible that I'm admitting to forgetting my own daughter but it's been a while since I've actually been excited for a date and well you've made me feel like a teenager again which I guess is why" he rambles, his eyes closing as he rubs his fingers against his temples before he looks back at her. "Please say something, even if it's just to tell me I'm an idiot" he all but pleads.
"Steve" she whispers. Her mind is going at a million miles a minute as she processes his confession and her own feelings. "I don't know, I really wasn't expecting to be discussing kids on a first date" she admits, "but since we're being up front then I can't lie but kids have never really been in my plans for the future and I know your not asking anything from me right now but I've enjoyed myself tonight and I really want to see where this goes but," she pauses glancing at Steve and she can tell that he's expecting her to tell him that she doesn't want to be with someone who already has a kid and the acceptance of it is written all over his face which is heartbreaking because he deserves love she's just not sure if she's the one.
"If this did progress, if we did get together I just don't know if I'd fit your expectations or even hers" she admits, already feeling like she'd be a disappointment to the both of them when she couldn’t fill the mother roll that she thought he was expected her to fill. "I just don't want it to get to the point where we realise that maybe it won't work and then we're left as you say picking up the pieces" she finishes with a sniffle, god please don't let her cry.
And Steve, wonderful Steve, leans even further across the table, his large palm cupping her cheek as a small smile graces his lips. "I have no expectations, this would be new for both of us as its only ever been me and her for the longest time, all I need to know is if you'd be willing to try, take things slow until we figure out us and then when you're ready then we introduce Ella, we could just even say your a friend if that makes you more comfortable" he tries and she melts under his touch, his gaze.
"I'm terrible with kids" she adds, giving him one last out to change his mind but he just chuckles.
"They're a learning curve, trust me but she's a good kid" he promises with a nod that somehow has her feeling at ease. Kids may have not been in her plan for the future but maybe one wouldn't be so bad.
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velomiu · 10 months
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How I changed my mindset ʚ♡ɞ
Hello lovelies, for my first post I'm going to explain how I changed my negative mindset into a positive one!
⋆ ˚。 ⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚。 ⋆
Tip No. 1: Stop overthinking
You need to realise that no matter what you do, how popular or successful you are, people don't think about you nearly as much as you think about yourself. So stop worrying about "embarrassing yourself" because really nothing is that deep or that serious.
In the end you're just creating more problems for yourself, most of them not even being real problems. As the stoic philosopher Seneca once said, "We suffer more often in imagination than in reality."
Tip No. 2: Stop consuming negative content
If you're like me, you've definitely at least once scrolled on tiktok for hours watching "relatable" or just overall depressing content. Now, I'm not telling you to delete tiktok, but instead of consuming depressing and negative content (on any app) you should try consuming something positive and/or something that motivates you to get up and do something.
For example, instead of listening to a playlist like "crying myself to sleep" or "for when you're a disappointment", you should try listening to a playlist with fun and upbeat music. I know this may sound silly but, at the end of the day, the media you consume every day for multiple hours on end really impacts the way you see life.
Tip No. 3: Learning to romanticise your life
Now I'm going to use something from my real life as an example, so I don't have any friends in school, I do outside of school, but at school I feel pretty lonely. What I used to do was go to school every day and think of all the reasons why someone from my class wouldn't like me, and that made me feel very insecure.
I stopped doing that once I realised how hurtful that mindset is. Now, instead of that, I like to romanticise being alone. As it turns out, a lot of things can be romanticised. I'm not saying this can be applied for everyone, as some people really do have tragic situations and living conditions that can't and shouldn't be romanticised. But, if this does work for you, you'll find that romanticising life makes it a lot more fun and exciting.
Tip No. 4: Remember your goals
In my opinion, having a goal to work towards is what makes life what it is. For example, you're saving money for a new pair of shoes, you're thrilled thinking about the day when you'll finally be able to buy them, you're also scared that you won't be able to save enough money. When you do finally get them, though, even though you're incredibly happy, you'll also feel a bit empty, given that now you don't have a goal to work towards.
Goals are the essence that drives us in life, so whenever you don't know what to do, maybe you're bored, maybe you're feeling depressed, whatever, use that time to devote yourself to achieving whatever goal you have. It doesn't matter what the goal is, necessarily, if you want better grades, study, if you plan on losing weight, exercise, remember your goals because they are what keep you going in life. Even if nothing else has ever worked out for you, just having a goal is a great start.
⋆ ˚。 ⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚。 ⋆
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2tyongs · 6 months
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[3:45 AM] stars . . .
bf!doyoung x gn!reader
genre: fluff, established relationship,
warnings: none other than it's not really proofread!
a.n. first post oh em gee kinda nervousss! i don't see a lot of 127 fluff on here anymore so i guess i gotta do it myself 😒/hj. requests are open and feedback is always appreciated! i hope you enjoy <3 happy halloween btw 🙏🏾
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doyoung never knew what love was supposed to feel like until he met you.
you were like a breath of fresh air in his life. taking his normal, mundane tasks like going grocery shopping and transforming them into something more thrilling, or making him experience new things that he would never do on his own. you had made his daily routine into something new, something beautiful.
he will always love learning more about you no matter how long you have been together; your hobbies, your favorite places, and what your favorite shows are. everything about you intrigues him and compels him to familiarize himself more and more with everything you consider to be part of yourself — past and present.
he will always listen to what you have to say, holding onto every word. even the little things that you thought never mattered or were worth remembering yourself, he remembers. he remembers the names that you had wanted to name your pet years ago, the way you don't care for certain holidays like valentine's day (he will always still make the effort to show that he loves you on these days anyway; bringing you flowers and cooking your favorite dishes so you have something to look forward to, even on the days you typically hadn't expected to before.), and the books you said you wanted to read but never got the chance to purchase. he notices when your gaze lingers on an item for too long when you're out shopping together, making a note to himself to come back and buy it for you for a special occasion coming up.
one night while the two of you were lying on the couch, you mentioned that you had always loved going stargazing when you were younger after seeing the two main characters of the movie you're watching sitting under the stars, sharing their dreams.
doyoung had made a mental note of this former interest of yours, which led the two of you to where you are right now: sitting on a soft blanket and staring at the warm night sky. you were seated in front of him, resting your back on his chest with your head on his shoulder, enthusiastically guiding his vision to all of the constellations and stars you could remember as you pointed them out the best you could.
“...that's the big dipper, but if you look closer you'll see that it's part of a constellation called the great bear," you point to the left, tracing out the pattern with your finger. "not many people know that the big dipper isn't considered a constellation." you explain softly, never taking your eyes off of the view.
doyoung doesn't mean to get distracted from your explanation, but he can't help it when you look so excited. reliving your childhood with the stars above brings you so much joy that a smile makes its way onto your face as you share your knowledge with him. he admires your beauty as you talk about the things you're passionate about, trying to etch the sight of you into his memory forever. looking at you is something that he will never get tired of. the soft curve of your lips, the way your lashes cast shadows onto your face, the beauty marks that adorn your complexion.
you start to talk again until you feel his eyes gazing at you instead of the stars above. you turn to him, momentarily dazed by the amount of fondness that you can see in his eyes as he looks down at you. you smile softly, “what? why are you looking at me like that?”
doyoung smiles back, “no reason. i'm just happy.” he can tell you're not exactly pleased with his answer if the way that you raise your eyebrow at him is anything to go by.
"'just happy?' i need you to elaborate a little more, doyoung." you tease, nudging him, and glance back up at the sky.
he rolls his eyes with a smile still gracing his features, holding you closer, "i just really love being with you, hearing you talk about the things that you love, that's all." you turn to him again. you can hear the sincerity in his voice and see it in his eyes and it makes your heart melt. you're too flustered by the love you can almost see and feel exuding from him to say anything back, so you decide to continue looking at the view ahead of you instead, tracing patterns on the back of his hand.
there's a short silence until you finally break it, staring up at the sky, "i love you." you tell him, leaning your head onto his shoulder once again.
he knows that you love him. you show it every single day in the way that you make time for him and the way that you've let him become a part of your life in a way that no one else has, letting him see parts of yourself that no one else could.
"i love you too. so much." he replies, kissing the crown of your head and rubbing your waist with his thumbs.
he always thinks to himself that even if he were dealt a different set of cards in his life, the stars would always align to give him the grace of being here with you. and he's more than certain that no matter what those cards looked like, there's no way he could love you any more than he does now.
doyoung knows that no amount of words or physical affection could ever be enough to express the love he feels for you. but for now, you just being there with him, letting him hold you, this will suffice just fine.
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