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multi-fandomfuckboy · 8 months

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Stranger Than Fiction

Part 24: Tension

Billy Hargrove x Reader (Slowburn)

Part 1,... (Masterlist)...Part 24, Part 25 (Coming Soon)...

AN: Hope you guys like this one! Word Count: 5,112 Warnings: Language, Suggestive themes, panic attacks

Friday morning you wake up with the violent urge to vomit. You move on autopilot, cooking, dressing, brushing your teeth, kissing your mom goodnight. You can’t bring yourself to eat anything, not trusting your stomach to hold it down with the way it's doing somersaults.

It doesn't help that when you got home last night all you could think about was Billy. You had to force yourself to strip off his clothes and take a shower, hoping it would calm you down. It didn’t. Everytime you closed your eyes you saw him, how he had looked lying next to you, how he had felt under you, his body against yours, his arms around you, his smell, his taste…

Needless to say, you didn't get much sleep. But somewhere in the night your thoughts shift from Billy to the upcoming exam. You know that you’re not ready. You’ve been studying constantly but you have the sinking feeling that it’s not going to be enough.

When Steve picks you up he’s all smiles, excited for the last day before winter break. He tells you about the ski trip he and his family take every year to Colorado, but everything he says goes in one ear and out the other. Your mind swirls as all the information Billy has crammed into your mind over the past week tries to organize itself. The twisting in your stomach only gets worse when Steve pulls into the school parking lot, you can feel the panic growing, humming in the back of your mind that just won't settle.

“Hey, I’ve got to head to the bathroom before class, I don’t feel good.” You say, unintentionally cutting Steve off. His eyes turn to you, looking you over, his happy expression quickly shifting into one of worry.

“Oh, okay. Are you alright?” He asks, clearly concerned.

“I’m fine. I just need a minute.” you tell him, not even able to give him a fake smile as you quickly open your door. You climb out of the car taking a deep breath, letting the cold air penetrate your lungs, before you start towards the school. Steve follows after you, rushing to catch up. The two of you enter the school, other students rushing around you, idle chatter filling the air, only adding to your growing anxiety.

“You sure? Do you need anything? I can run to Malvald’s really quick and get you something.” He offers, gently grabbing your arm. For some reason the touch feels suffocating to you, and without thinking you rip your arm out of his grasp whipping around to face him.

“Jesus! I’m fine Steve! I just need a minute, alone!” You snap. Steve’s eyes initially widen in surprise at your outburst but he quickly ducks his head, trying to hide the hurt you know is clearly written on his face. You immediately wish you could take it back.

“Right. I’m- uh- I’m sorry.” Steve says, taking a slight step back, shoving his hands into his pockets.

“Steve, no. I’m just-” you try to explain, taking a step towards him. He takes another step back.

“It’s okay, really. I’m going to get to class.” Steve says, taking a step around you. He gives you a small smile that looks so forced in your eyes. “I hope you feel better.” He says, before turning fully and walking away.

You watch him retreat down the hall, you don't miss how he hangs his head rubbing at the back of his neck as he goes. You feel like such a jerk. Steve was just trying to help and you bit his head off. You groan, heading towards the gym you ignore the few pairs of eyes that follow you as you go, having seen the interaction. You didn’t mean to get upset like that, it’s just that this test feels like it’s life or death. To make matters worse you should have been spending every last second studying instead of daydreaming about Billy.

You pace back and forth in front of the lockers between the bathrooms outside the gym, anxiously running your fingers through your hair.

You’re going to fail this exam, and then history all together. No college is going to want you with grades like that. Then on top of all that, you just pushed away one of your only friends because you couldn’t get a grip. You feel like a psycho. The anxiety and shame mix forming a pit in your gut, all of it bubbling up inside of you causing your hands to shake. This is ridiculous! You’ve helped save the world twice, nearly dying in the process multiple times, but a history test is what threatens to send you into a spiraling panic.

“Fuck!” You yell, a burst of anger shooting though you. Turning you slam your foot into the metal lockers, filling the empty hallway with a loud bang. It hurts your foot but you kick out again, denting the metal.

“Whoa there, loca! Angry and destructive are my things.” Billy’s lilting voice calls from your left. You don’t respond, taking off your bag and pulling out his food for the day. He comes to a stop in front of you. “Don't tell me I’ve been a bad influence on you.” He teases, his white teeth flashing in his usual smug grin.

You keep your eyes down, not wanting him to see the tears of frustration that threaten to blur your vision. You’ve heard his thoughts on feeling sorry for yourself and are not in the mood for another rant about how useless it is.

When you don't respond, Billy’s smile fades. You can feel his eyes scrutinizing your every breath.

“You okay?” he asks, the teasing tone in his voice gone.

“I’m fine.” you say, keeping your voice firm trying to even out your rapid breathing. “Just take the food, I have to get to class.” you say, holding out the containers to him, fighting to stop the shaking in your hands.

Billy takes a step forward, reaching out to take the food. Instead of grabbing the containers he grabs your wrist tugging you towards him, causing you to stumble forward almost running into him.

“Hey!” You protest, getting your feet under you again. Before you can say anything else Billy’s hand is on your chin, forcing you to look up at him. His eyes are narrowed, his lips pressed into a thin line, looking over your face with such intensity you could almost confuse it with anger. But you’ve seen him angry and this is not that.

“What’s going on? Why do you look like you’re about to be sick or burst into tears any second?” He asks. You’re surprised by the lack of judgment in his question but still you open your mouth to tell him that you’re fine. He cuts you off. “And don't give me any of that ‘I’m fine’ bullshit. We both know it’s a fucking lie so don’t even try it.” he tells you firmly.

You hate that your body's response to him looking at you like this, asking if you’re okay, demanding that you tell him if something is wrong, isn't anger. Instead more tears fill your eyes, blinking once they finally spill down your cheeks.

Billy’s eyes widen momentarily. He lets go of your wrist and chin, using both of his hands to hold your face, wiping the tears from your cheeks.

“I’m going to fail history!” You blurt out, pulling his hands away from you and taking a step back, wiping furiously at your face.

“Is that what this is about?” Billy asks, disbelievingly. He shakes his head, a small smile pulling at his lips.

“I’m serious Billy!” you groan, glaring at him. “I’m going to fail history because my brain is fucking broken or something!”

“Hey! Listen to me crazy, you’re not going to fail.” Billy says firmly, stepping towards you again, placing both of his hands on your shoulders. He keeps his eyes leveled on you, his voice steady. “You’ve got this. Do you really think I would have put as much time and effort into teaching you if I thought you couldn’t nail this thing?” he asks, lifting a brow. “You’re cooking may be good but I value my time more than anything.” he tells you seriously. You keep your eyes on him, searching his face for the lie.

“You’re going to pass.” he says with such conviction, you almost believe him. “But you can’t do anything until you calm down.” He tells you, his hands tightening slightly on your shoulders. “Take a deep breath, count to ten, and keep telling yourself ‘I’ve got this’. Okay?” he instructs. “Confidence is 90% mental. Let me see you do it.” You know his eyes are on you even as you close your eyes, filling your lungs with air, counting silently in your mind repeating the affirmation.

“Do it again.” he orders. You repeat the process, slowly feeling your pulse regulate and the panic slither back from your mind. You hear Billy chuckle.

“Good. I think oxygen is finally getting to your brain.” Billy says, causing you to open your eyes and immediately roll them. But part of you thinks he must be right, you are still nervous but the paralyzing fear you felt is nearly gone. You wonder where he learned that. If he has ever had to use it himself?

“Thank you, Billy.” You say, hoping he can see how much you mean it.

“Don’t thank me yet, loca. You can do that after you ace this test.” he says, another smirk flashing his perfect teeth. Letting go of your shoulders with one more reassuring squeeze he takes the containers of food from your hands. Without another word, the warning bell rings, both of you head to your respective classes.

The rest of the day you continue to repeat Billy’s calming routine whenever you start to feel your panic rising up. You practice all through lunch while you study, unable to find Steve who must still be upset about this morning. You know you will have to see him after basketball practice, there is no way he is going to leave you without a ride home.

You are actively counting to ten as you walk towards history. You don’t notice Billy fall into step beside you only glancing at him when you feel his hand slip into yours. It’s subtle and in the bustling hallway it would look like he simply brushed against you. Neither of you stop walking as he leans in slightly.

“You’ve got this.” he says firmly, giving your hand a squeeze before letting it fall, both of you entering the class.

During the exam you focus on remembering all the stories Billy told you. All the long nights of putting the pieces into a cohesive plot. You recognize a lot of the material even though there are a few questions that stump you. You have to take a few deep breaths when your classmates begin to rise one at a time as they finish. You're not even halfway done as they set their completed tests on Mr. Willson’s desk, exiting the classroom. Billy is among the first to leave. You watch him confidently swagger to the front setting his test down. His eyes meet yours as he walks to the door, he gives you a nod and a quick wink before exiting.

You don’t finish until the last minute of class, reading and rereading every question checking your answers. It’s only you left in the classroom as you rise taking a deep breath walking to the front. Mr. Willson watches you, one brow raised as you place your test in front of him.

“Grades will be posted by the end of the day.” he says stoically, taking your test and placing it on the large stack to his right. You exit quickly, the urge to snatch your test back just to check one more thing is overwhelming.

Slinging your bag over your shoulder you exit into the busy hallway. You notice the palpable energy that fills the air, everyone excited for the last class before winter break officially starts.

You spot Billy leaning against the lockers ahead of you, casually scanning the hallway with his practiced indifference. You wonder if he’s been waiting all this time for you. You start towards him, hoping to talk about the questions on the test you weren't sure about. His eyes meet yours but before you can reach him someone steps directly into your path. You stop short, nearly running directly into Steve’s chest.

“Hey.” he greets you, a hesitant smile already in place.

“Hey.” you respond, taking a small step back. You aren't sure how to act after what happened this morning. You want to apologize but the words are escaping you. There is a pause as both of you look at eachother, students hurry past, breaking around you like a rock in a stream.

“About this morning, I-”

“I’m sorry about this mo-” you both say at the same time. It manages to break the tension, causing both of you to chuckle. It lightens your heart seeing a more genuine smile on his face.

“Sorry, you go first.” Steve says, gesturing for you to continue.

“I wanted to say that I’m sorry for what happened this morning. I know that you were just trying to help.” You say, keeping your eyes on him despite the urge to look at your shoes. You have lost friends by not saying what needs to be said, and you would be damned if you let it happen again. “I’m sorry I snapped at you like that.” you say earnestly. Steve shakes his head at your words.

“No, I’m sorry too. I know I can be a bit much sometimes. I didn’t mean to smother you or anything. I just want you to know if you ever need space I’m cool with that, I don’t want you to feel like you have to tell me everything.” He apologies, sheepishly rubbing the back of his neck. You smile slightly, feeling all the tension between the two of you dissipate.

“Apology accepted.” you say extending your hand. “Friends?” you ask, lifting a brow. Steve glances at your offered hand, his smile growing.

“Friends.” Steve confirms, taking your hand and giving it a firm shake. You both smile at each other and despite the crowded hallway you let him pull you into a tight hug. He squeezes you tightly, lifting you off the ground for a moment causing you to laugh. “Does this mean you’ll go to the Christmas party with me tonight?” he asks, smiling brightly down at you. You scoff, pushing him away to look squarely up at him.

“Really Steve?” you ask, lifting a brow. You had told him ‘no’ weeks ago when he first invited you to the big party taking place at Bobby Mathers house. “Are you seriously using my apology as leverage to get me to go with you?” You ask, crossing your arms over your chest. Steve laughs, holding his hands up.

“I would never do something like that.” he protests, shoving his hands into his pockets. “It’s just, everyone is going to be there.” he tells you, his smile no longer reaching his eyes. You know he’s been self conscious about going to parties like this since everything with Nancy and Jonathan happened. Especially when it became public knowledge in the small highschool. “Don’t make me go alone.” he begs, giving you his best puppy eyes.

Damn those brown eyes.

“Maybe.” you say. Steve’s grins ear to ear pumping his fist in the air in victory.

“Yes!” He cheers.

“I didn’t say ‘yes’, Steve!” you say, shaking your head, reluctantly smiling as he backs away from you still grinning brightly.

“I’ll pick you up at 8!” He calls, pointing at you before turning to jog down the hall. It’s less crowded now and you look around for Billy. He’s gone.

The rest of the day passes quickly, hardly anyone paying attention to the last class of the day. When the final bell rings you can hear the cheers erupt around you, everyone rushing from their seats to the parking lot. You take your time packing your bag, instead of heading to the library to meet Nancy you head back to Mr. Willson’s room. You can’t leave until you know, for better or worse.

When you reach his room, the door is open and you can see him seated at his desk, working through another stack of tests. You knock gently on his door, causing him to look up. He doesn't look surprised to see you standing there, setting down his pen as he watches you enter the room.

“I thought you would be back for this.” He says, picking up one of the exams set aside. You hear him sigh as he looks over the front of the test. “I can tell you put a lot of effort into this.” he says, rising from his chair. Your stomach twists at his words. He looks so serious. Fuck. You failed. You knew it. You failed and he feels bad for you. You hold your breath as he extends the test out to you. Taking it, you slowly turn it over.

Your heart stops.

“Keep up whatever you’ve been doing and you might actually pass my class.” he says, a small smile almost imperceptible on his face. You could scream. You can't believe what you’re seeing, but right there, next to your name, in green ink, is a big ‘B-’.

You fucking did it.

Your grin is so big it actually hurts your face.

“Thank you!” you exclaim, beaming up at him. You have to find Billy. Turning to leave you practically run for the door.

“Hey! I still need that!” Mr. Willson yells. You stop, quickly rushing back to hand him the test before hurrying out.

You’re absolutely buzzing with excitement. You rush through the halls, heading towards the gym. You feel the need to tell someone, anyone, about the test but there is one person in particular you want to share the news with. Reaching the gym you skid to a halt outside the double doors. Looking through the glass you see the basketball team scattered across the court getting warmed up for practice. You spot Billy’s curly blonde mullet almost instantly. You go to push through the doors but stop, seeing Steve stretching on the side of the court.

If you go in there now to talk to Billy, Steve will freak out and knowing the two of them it will likely end in a fight. Your eyes turn back to Billy, he bends a knee tying his sneakers. Seeming to feel your gaze, he glances up. He looks somewhat surprised to see you standing there, his brows pulling together in confusion a beat later.

You glance at Steve to make sure he hasn’t seen you at the doors before quickly gesturing for Billy to come outside. He nods once, confirming that he understands. He stands, saying something to one of his teammates before jogging across the gym towards you.

You duck out of view moving to stand next to the bathrooms where you and Billy normally meet in the mornings. A minute later Billy exits the gym doors, he glances around a moment before spotting you and heading over.

“Hey, what’s up?” He asks, looking you over, clearly confused by your presence. You’re practically bouncing with excitement, struggling to contain your smile.

“I went by Mr. Willsons to see my grade, and guess what?” You prompt, biting your lower lip, losing the fight to keep your grin hidden. Billy’s expression loosens, rolling his eyes.

“You finally caught him shedding his lizard skin?” Billy asks, a small smile ghosting over his lips. The excitement bubbles over and you laugh.

“I passed!” You exclaim, your smile overtaking your face, impossible to hold back. Billy’s smile grows as he watches you bounce on the balls of your feet, the energy inside you needing a way out. “I mean I got a B minus but still!” you elaborate.

“You say that like it’s a surprise, loca.” Billy says. “Not to be that guy but, I told you so.” He teases. You laugh again, shoving his shoulder lightly. He catches your hand as you pull back, holding it in his.

“One B minus doesn't mean you’re off the hook you nutjob.” He says. “You still have to pass the class and that means passing every other quiz and test before the end of the school year.” He reminds you. You nod, only letting that dampen your mood slightly. “There were a few things on this exam we didn’t get to cover, so tonight we’ll-” Your smile falters, causing him to stop short. “What?” He asks.

“I won’t be able to come over tonight.” you tell him. It’s subtle but you see his smile fade, though he hides his feelings well. “Steve is dragging me to this party and-” The sound of voices approaching the gym doors cuts you off. More specifically, the sound of Steve’s voice.

Without thinking you grip Billy’s hand and pull him into the bathroom to hide. You hear a group come through the gym doors a moment later. You look around for a place to hide hearing the conversation grow closer.

“Where the fuck is he?”

“I don't know, he said he would be right back.”

“Check to see if he’s taking a piss.”

“I’ll go check the bathroom, you guys look around.”

You mentally curse yourself. Of course they were just coming to get Billy. Why did you drag him in here with you? You turn to tell Billy to go but he drags you forward, ushering you into a bathroom stall.

“Stand on the toilet seat.” He orders. You do as he says, stepping up onto the toilet, bracing your hands against the wall for support. Billy stands in front of you, his hands hovering near your waist in case you fall.

He doesn't look at you though. He keeps his gaze narrowed at the ground, his lips pressed into a firm line. The tension in his shoulders is obvious and from where you are positioned above him, you see the muscle in his jaw flutter as he clenches his teeth together.

He’s pissed.

Looking at this objectively, you see why. You’ve just made it clear that you don't want to be seen close to him. And it’s glaringly obvious that you are hiding your connection with Billy from Steve. Your face burns. He knows you're hiding him. You try to tell yourself it’s for the best but part of you still wants to apologize.

The bathroom door swings open, banging against the wall.

“Hargrove, are you in here?” you recognize Steve’s voice. You see the muscle in Billy’s jaw tick again before he responds.

“Fuck off Harrington!” He bites back. You hear Steve scoff, his sneakers squeaking as he walks further into the bathroom.

“Trust me, I wish I could. But coach has us running plays and apparently you need to be there.” Steve explains, the irritation in his tone clear. Your pulse quickens as Steve’s sneakers come into view under the stall door.

“Fuck.” Billy curses under his breath, shaking his head. You couldn’t have said it better yourself. When Billy doesn't respond after a moment, Steve only grows more irritated.

“I swear to god if you're taking a shit! Hurry up!” Steve yells, pounding his fist on the stall door. The sudden sound makes you jump, your foot slipping from where you’re perched on the toilet seat, sending you careening towards the floor. Your arms flail out, banging loudly against the stall, as you try to catch yourself.

Billy rushes forward, wrapping his arms around you to stop you from crashing to the floor. Your sudden weight threatens to take him down as well forcing him to pivot, pinning your body against the stall wall with his to keep you both upright. Your head collides with the metal, a pained sound escaping you, cut off by Billy's palm over your mouth. You inhale deeply through your nose, the throbbing in your head matching up with the pounding of your heart.

“Jesus christ, Do you have someone else in there?” Steve yells pounding on the door again. Billy’s eyes meet yours. You can barely breathe with how his body has you pressed into the wall. Your legs are loosely wrapped around his waist, keeping your feet off the floor. The hand that's not covering your mouth is wrapped around your waist helping hold you upright. Your hands automatically clutch Billy’s shoulders, and from this position you are eye level with him.

His eyes search yours for a moment then you see something click. He leans in, whispering in your ear, low enough that Steve can’t hear.

“Moan. Loud. Make it sound real.” He orders. Your eyes widen at the implication of his plan. You shake your head against his hand, your mind racing to come up with a different plan. You’ve never even kissed a boy! You don’t know how to moan like that, there is no way you can believably imitate-

Billy moves his hand from your mouth, sliding it over to gently cup the side of your face. You shake your head again, mouthing ‘I can’t, I don’t know how.” Hoping he understands.

He grits his teeth again, his eyes falling to your neck, you see his gaze darken. Before you can protest, Billy lowers his head, pressing his mouth to your throat.

You can’t help the gasp of surprise at the sudden sensation. His mouth is open as he kisses down your neck. Your grip tightens on his shoulders as his tongue presses over your thundering pulse.

This is so different from the small kisses you gave him last night. This feels so much more intense, his touch spreading fire over your skin making your breaths come in short gasps. It’s like he’s going to devour you, and you want him to. You tilt your head into the hand that holds the side of your face. You feel his fingers slide into your hair, pulling it slightly, earning another gasp

Your body feels like it's vibrating, heat pulsing through your veins. His body presses you harder into the wall, his arm tightening around your waist as if he could pull you closer than you already are. When his mouth moves lower Billy sinks his teeth gently into the sensitive flesh of your neck. It’s all too much. Then using his tongue and teeth he pulls a bit of skin into his mouth sucking on it hard enough that it stings but in a way that makes your brain go fuzzy. A moan erupts from deep within your chest, your hands flying to his hair, either to pull him away or keep him there, you’re not sure.

“Jesus christ.” you hear Steve grumble. You had almost forgotten what a precarious situation you’re in. To be fair, you can barely form a coherent thought as Billy finally pulls his lips off of you.

“You going to stick around and listen to the finale, Stevie boy?! I didn’t think you were into that!” Billy taunts, sounding slightly out of breath.

“Alright, whatever! Just… hurry up!” Steve says, finally taking a step away. You listen as he quickly exits the bathroom.

When he’s gone, the only sounds in the room are yours and Billy’s ragged breathing. His eyes search your face, his expression filled with something you can't quite place, but it stirs something deep in your gut.

What just happened?

His gaze flickers to your parted lips, the hand in your hair sliding down to hold the side of your neck. His tumb glides over the portion of your neck he had bitten into, you can feel him smear the remnants of his saliva as he moves over the spot, sending a shiver down your spine.

Then he blinks a few times, rapidly, like he's just waking up. He takes a step back, his hands moving to your waist to steady you as your feet lower back to the ground. You keep your hands on his shoulders, not trusting your legs to hold you up with how they currently feel like jello. The darkness in his eyes is gone, replaced by something eerily close to fear as he scans your face. You know that you must be blushing like crazy but that’s the least of your worries given the circumstances.

“That's all I could think of. Sex tends to make people uncomfortable enough to leave you the fuck alone, so I thought-” Billy explains.

“No, no. It was a good idea.” You say, finally finding your voice again. “I’m sorry I couldn’t fake it, I’ve just never-” You stop yourself from saying more. You feel his hands flex slightly where they hold your waist.

“Are you okay?” He asks, his eyes still searching your face closely. You note how tense he seems, concern still clear in his eyes. You get the sickening sense that he’s getting ready for you to snap at him.

How could you possibly be upset? You did the same thing to him not 24 hours ago, and the only reason he had to do that was because you dragged him in here because you were worried about what Steve would think. If anyone should be upset, it’s him. All you can really think about is the way his mouth felt against you and his teeth-

“I’m… good.” You lie. Every instinct inside you is screaming at you to press him against the wall and find out what else his mouth can do. You shake your head, like that will clear the thoughts from filling your mind. You lower your hands from his shoulders, resting them on his forearms, his hands still on your waist.

His eyes bore into yours, still searching, still waiting. After a moment he must see what he needs because he nods.

“Alright, I’ll go out first and make sure your guard dog is gone, then wait 5 minutes to be sure the coast is clear before you come out.” He tells you. You only nod.

Then, like he has to force himself, Billy pulls his hands away from you, yours falling away from him as well. He turns to the door, opening it slightly and peering out to make sure it’s empty before quickly ducking out of the stall. Leaving you alone with your racing thoughts.

What just happened?

AN: I hope you guys enjoyed this one! Let me know what you thought of it, it's kind of new for me to write intimacy like this so please let me know what you think! Leave a like or a comment and you'll hear form me soon!

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rise-my-angel · 1 year

Text

Perilous Companions

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Length: 24.7k

Warnings: Depictions of violence, mention of suicide, non graphic torture, hostage situations, heavy angst, angst/hurt comfort, trama related flashbacks, smut, oral (m and f receiving), p in v, canon divergence

Notes: This ones a big boy with some big things happening. Not everything will make sense yet as its part of a bigger unfolding narrative, and certain moments are intentionally skipped over for the same reason. Knowledge of the 2nd game not needed as its not canon. A lot of nerves went into making and posting this one, so I hope it doesn't disappoint you. Sequel to Melancholy Interlude, part of the Confused Warmth series.

It was a cruel joke that you were this ill. If you had to trace it back, you think you may have been bitten by a mosquito at some point. Of all the things you could catch, you were falling apart from something as small as a bug bite. You were always scared of being bitten by any sort of insect as a kid after your neighbour had come home from school talking about how you could get sick and die from one bite.

Your only saving grace being that a cordyceps infection didn’t incubate for this long, and as far as you were aware, didn’t result in how bloodshot and feverish you were nor did it result in vomiting a liquid disgustingly close to black. You had guessed for a while that in the old world the man in front of you had either was a scientist or worked somewhere in that field.

Whatever research your current companion had done though clearly didn’t encompass all illnesses, but at least you finally were sick long enough he wasn’t constantly terrified you’d turn. Neither you or the rambling man pacing above you had any clue what to do about it, but he somehow seemed more worried then you. Looking at the map in his hands as he ran his mouth non stop.

You had insisted you were fine until about ten minutes ago when you felt dizzy and would have completely collapsed onto the ground if Seth wasn’t there to fail to catch you in time, at least before you hit your head. Travelling with someone wasn’t what you wanted, you had been alone for months but you felt awful when a bumbling, older, tearful man came across you asking for help getting to his wife near Salem. Only to have him confess when you got sick that he was just lonely and wanted company.

Now you were just too exhausted to get angry. Letting him travel with you as he desperately tried to make you like him despite your very purposeful choice to stay away from any people. Briefly you had wondered if he was a plant, tricking you to walk you into a trap right back to the place you were running from. Part of you still wondered that, but now you were too sick to do anything about it.

“We’d have to go to every clinic just to see whose there, but that’s way too big to check.” Seth’s messy hair was flopping around with every spin in place he did, the rhythmic movement distracting your already fuzzy brain. “You said no to everything else I suggested, I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”

Your head smacking back against the tree you were currently sat up against shook your spinning vision even more. Squeezing your eyes shut you let out a shaky breathe that burned your esophagus as it flowed upwards. There was an extremely expired pack of gum a few kilometres back when you were sifting through an old abandoned store front. The bile still coating your mouth had you hating yourself for passing that up now.

“You sure we can’t go to Boston?” One eye blinked open, a kaleidoscope of orbs floating in your vision as Seth’s figure stood right in the suns path. He was standing with the map crinkling in his hold as he looked hopeful at you. “They have doctors, it’s an actual city they’ll have medicine won’t they? We can get you a bed and everything. We’re practically right there, you can see the walls from the top of one of those hills for god sakes.”

Your fingertips tapped against the grass beneath you as your jaw clenched. Forcing yourself up, the tree worked as a main support for your legs that trembled from the exertion. The man seemingly perked up at your slowly approaching self. He stared at you, your name coming out as a question when you got within a few feet. “Is that a-”

Jumping back, Seth gasped as you ripped the map out of his hands. Your face flat as your eyes shifted to the side to stop yourself from glaring. “A no...I’m guessing it’s still a no.”

Your legs wobbled as your vision spun trying to read it. Kneeling down you rested it over a bent knee as your finger followed a path you already were dabbling in planning out. “You ever been in a QZ before?”

Looking up at him, Seth had a shifting and sheepish face akin to something like guilt. “I spent some time in one for a while, a little bit in Boston.” Your heart skipped a beat, forcing your gaze down to the destination you had in mind willing away the swirling anxiety. “That’s why we need to go though. I have friends there, they can help you- wait where are you going?”

The beating of your heart pounded erratically. You wanted to be alone for this very reason, you had no idea what kind of friends were waiting for him, or you, in Boston of all places. There was no one you knew anywhere near such an area, so you walked away. In the opposite direction of his suggestion.

Seth called you again, “I thought you needed to rest.”

Pace picking up you pulled the other strap of your bag on both your shoulders properly. “I’m going west.” Pairing up with this man was foolish, heading in the complete opposite direction of where you were headed was even more foolish.

His voice was getting more and more grating. “We just came that way, didn’t we go to Massachusetts for a reason?”

Heading down a slight hill full of ragged dirt clumps and drop offs only bang around the blurring migraine in your head more. It wasn’t killing you yet, so you just didn’t bother stopping for it. “No, you wanted to go to Salem, I wanted to be alone.”

Sputtering, Seth wailed his arms as he slipped and tripped over his feet down the hill with a grace that only assured you that he’s likely spent his entire life in and out of some halfway sizable apartment Fedra probably threw his way. “I was just trying to help.”

Your mind was already made up. You’ve been trying to get out of this state for months and everything kept pulling you back in. But their unwillingness to let you go spoke a different story, the people you’ve encountered since that have tried to trick or lead back to that room you ran from.

Seth was saying something, but you tried to tune it out until he was too loud. The sun was setting in a gold that shined off of the decay around you. Travelling the outskirts was longer, a much longer path but if you were being honest with yourself? Just because you were more scared of what other people were capable of, doesn’t mean the shrieks didn’t haunt you every time they echoed through the emptiness.

It didn’t take long for Seth to overtake your strides. Longer legs and too much energy compared to your muscles begging to sit once more. You so desperately wanted to believe it wasn’t true, that maybe just once since that day you could meet one person who you didn’t have to leave your guard up for. But you couldn’t.

You were the only of your kind they ever seen, and it didn’t matter who told them what. He had his sights set on you and so did everyone else. Were they hoping to pull you back because they were too stubborn to give up? Or were they truly so delusional that they just didn’t care. The arguments you spied on seemed to tell you something divided them greatly but at this point you didn’t have anything to go off of.

You had enough scuffles with them to know they were willing to be violent to get you. You knew why they wanted you and it was a fate that terrified you. You saw the remnants of what they had before you, and now? It was a fate you knew would be worse. Their willingness to beat the air out of your lungs had you supposing that having you in one piece wasn’t required.

It was only months ago when a few men came across you as you realized that it wasn’t just a small group that were involved. Somewhere along the lines, three men in the fireflies approached you and when you refused to even hear them out? That’s when they left you with a fair few more scratches then you gifted to them.

Bruised and covered in mud from being kicked down a steep forest hill, you could hear the small group of men on a radio, but their words overpowered in your head from noise. The only words made out from what you could hear past the ringing the fall had smashed into your head. “....I don’t care, just tell say it’s Owen...”

More static noise blasting out as you sunk your nails into the muddy hillside pulling you upwards onto your knees at least. Biting your lip so forcefully it had cracked and drawn blood by the next morning, you held the cries of pain back as your muscles strained to drag your body behind a tree.

Tears streaming down your cheeks, you cradled your side now dripping blood from the ripped open fabric once covering you. The other occupied with gripping your shoulder tight as each twitch of your body shot a current of pain through what might be a strain.

Finally a response over their radio rung out, your jaw tensed as you breathed deeply in and out your nose. “..can make it in a few days...yes ma’am....Gran-” Was it the distance cutting his voice off, or was it your own heavy breathing invading your senses? You didn’t know. It was hard to focus.

You didn’t know if you wanted to go back for real answers, or if a part of you still clung to seeing the man who had his hired thugs strap you to a chair as soon as they got their hands on you. He barley even looked at you like his own, and neither did his partner look at you anything but a specimen.

You being this sick wasn’t the plan, and you knew making it wherever they were headed in one piece wouldn’t be easy. Not even sure if any of them would be there anymore by the time you got there. They had working cars afterall, and you only had two feet. Already your head was dizzy, but it felt wrong to turn away, leave it alone. You could just run from them, head far North until you reach the border and forget all of this.

But you couldn't. They should have gotten what they wanted, so why wasn’t it enough?

Now though, in the early hours of the morning, it was impossible ignore what you had heard the next few subsequent nights. Listening to this man ramble on what was no doubt some kind of radio. Foolish enough to think that you’d feel comfortable sleeping anywhere near him now he assumed he wouldn’t be heard or caught. Sprinkling hints of a deception that became harder to push away. Someone far more collected and confident then the bumbling coward presented to you. It chewed and gnawed in your mind throughout that night.

He didn’t see you coming, knelt down faced away before having his body grabbed by the back of his shirt and tossed a few feet to the ground. Flipping onto his back, he stood up slowly to see you feet away from him. Exhausted and pushed to an edge. He tried placating it but only got as far as your name before you cut him off.

“Why do you want me to go to Boston so badly?” You pulled from something attached to your belt, a thick yellow rope long and flopped down to the side.

Seth’s face slowly melting off it’s aloof bravado. Something deeper inside brewing that you only felt your body tense at. “I don’t know what-”

The voice waver made you a lot less brave but the force which you shoved it out masked it. “You led me there even after I told you no. What’s in Boston you’re so eager to get to?”

There was an entirely new man in front of you, someone more poised with sunken eyes. As if whatever this facade was became too useless to keep up. This wasn’t a stumbling fool, but someone hiding too much. “We don’t need to do things this way-”

You weren’t buying it though. Wrapping both ends of the rope around your hands, but kept low enough to give him hope to talk first. “Don’t make me ask you again, Seth.”

His voice grew softer, as if to entice the part of you that wanted to grant sympathy. “It’s about you.” His gaze on your covered arm, and your heart beat harder. “I knew your Jerry and your father from the old days. They discovered a problem during testing, but you already had gotten out before he could look into it for himself.”

You didn’t even need to ask about ‘they’. He knew them, and apparently your guess of some kind of scientist was correct. Both of them treated you like cattle once they had found you. The ghosts hovering over your life. “What problem?”

“He never told me, and when your father died I didn’t think it mattered anymore. Left Jerry to pick up the pieces without his expertise. He’s replicated the work as much as he can, but the only thing your father told him only made him that much more desperate to find you. He’s a doctor not a scientist.”

Maybe you should have been angry, upset. Dropping that on you as if you should already have known, but on the other hand it might be for the better. Jerry was cold, and uncaring. Your father was entirely too emotional, perhaps closer to disturbed than anything. “I gave them everything they wanted, what’s he desperate for?”

The lack of blinking put you on edge even further. A look as if trying to figure out the very thing he was describing. “That I don’t know. Research has been kept under very tight watch, especially now.”

“And my father, what did he say?”

Seth’s eyes glazed with a troubled conflict, and a sorrow in his voice that told you he knew far more then he was telling you. Flashes in his eyes that spoke of a truth that sat unsettled within him.

“He said this is the end. He said that we are all finished, and he took his own life.”

The trickery, the trouble in his eyes, how this all kept relating back to that day. Your father taking his own life though? Something inside of you shifted unsettlingly, and not quite a loss for family. If you had even a modicum of faith in your father, you had none in his partner. “What I still don’t get is what you were planning to do with me. I mean what use would someone like me be to a lying con like you?”

A debate flourished in his head, saying no words as he almost looked through you. The now calmness in the air, quiet and dulcet tones between you echoed eerily in your voice. You needed him to speak, you needed to know. “What do you think your last breath will feel like, Seth?”

Eyes shutting for the briefest of moments, he let something echo in his veins. Words slipping from him in a level of defeat. “There’s a woman. A firefly-”

“I’m already running from the fireflies-” Nothing but a bunch of make shift mercenaries playing at a war they’ve never even started to win.

Seth shook his head, “Not this one. She’s a leader, has real goals she wants We can trust her, she can help.” You instinctively gnawed at your bottom lip, unwilling to believe in him. “Now if you come with me to Boston, I can get you to her.”

Shaking your head, you bled distrust from every pore. “What’s her name?”

His shoulders sagged as he sighed. “Please don’t make me tell you that,” the tightening of the rope between your hands squeezed as his eyes flickered from you to it and back again. “Marlene. Her name’s Marlene. She’s a good woman, your father trusted her.”

More then a few seconds passed. The wind flowing through the luscious trees nearby, and the grass grazing along the empty land. The peace nowhere near the small bubble you stood. “Why wouldn’t they have just told you what the problem was. If you worked with them, I mean. Bit odd.”

Seth’s head tilted, a softness pleading with you as your name murmured from his mouth, “I’m on your side. I’m one of the-”

Something snapped inside of you. Almost a scream inside your heart shouting at your survival and it consumed your vision within seconds. He wasn’t a fighter, you wrapped the rope around his neck with little defence.

Within a second you kicked him to the ground, a struggle tumbling in the quiet grass as you flipped onto your back. The pull burning your wrists and your own legs trying to keep him down. His struggles and groans eating away at your hearing.

You could only look down at your hold for seconds, nothing close to a fight back from a man who didn’t know how seek out for a real fight. Your breathe was forcibly rhythmic, in and out deeply as your head tilted back as you pulled. Breathing the sounds of struggle away as your eyes fell upon the nature.

The leaves blowing on a tree, large and flourishing in the emptiness that ravaged around it standing tall and bright. The wind flowing like a calm around it like it was wishing to entrance you. Your breathing desperate to keep a deep even as your mind pushed away the burning pull on your wrists. The sight of the trees colours striking against the rest of the field hiding the groans below.

You took your mind elsewhere, you weren’t strong enough to keep yourself in the moment. A life on the outside didn’t make you capable. It just made the struggling figures on an open ground dragging the life out of a man who knew more then you’d ever know, feel like a kind of memory you couldn’t live with if the trees didn’t exist.

Nothing like that existed here and now though. The barrel sights down to a man who helped play his part in many fights that these people didn’t deserve to be a part of.

Once someone too sure of his own bravado, now faced you wide eyed and swallowing panic. His hands at first positioned in front of his torso as Joel approached you both, his knuckles turning white from how tightly he was pulling and twisting the coarse rope in his hands. You wanted to see the trees in that rope but you only saw the purple imprints on your wrists that had stayed with you for days.

But it wasn’t someone tricking you to your death at the other end. It was people you wrapped a new life around, and the only ones who cared about you in return. Owen pleaded. “Come on, please. I’m not going to do anything, do you really need all this?”

Your hands hesitated, grip on the shotgun so harsh for so long it your arms had started to shake. “I’ll behave, let’s all be reasonable here.” Barrel only lowering enough that it’s aim left the eye line of Owens head. Low enough that he had the gall to leap towards you as if having any chance. Before you could even register how startled you jumped, Joel had grabbed him by the shoulders and tossed him face first into the bar counter beside you.

Owen’s head up enough to growl in anger, “Fuck you-” only to be slammed down into the wood with a crack of a bone splintering in the air.

Yanking his arms behind his back, Joel tightened the mans own ropes around his wrists, leaving him just enough room before his circulation, or lacktherof, would turn his hands blue. The mans head yanked back with blood dripping from his nose and smeared down his face and painted the dark surface. Your fingers twitching on the shotgun aimed uselessly to the ground as your shaking breathe vibrated into your very chest as Joel hissed into his ear. “You try anything like that again, I’ll break a lot more then your nose.”

Owen groaned but said no more. Shoving him towards Tommy, Joel only looked a his bloody face for a second longer before taking four strides over and all but shoving the chair out the mans reach. Stumbling onto his knees, grumbling unintelligible swearing as Joel burned a deep anger into his face and slinking it up to Tommy in unspoken words.

Tommy himself seemed more hesitant. Taken back by something he had no way of seeing coming. You didn’t know how much of the other week Joel had even told him about. He at the least didn’t particularly care enough for the strangers well being to let him sit anywhere but the cold floor. He was more on the edge of confused, Joel saw you trying and failing to mask the shaking feeling of silent fear and that look washing over your eyes only had his blood run hot.

Tilting his face to the side, Joel caught your gaze the hard set steel of his expression still peeking a deep concern for you behind it. His brown eyes gestured downwards to the shotgun in your grip, covering one of your hands with his own, the way it overtook your small ones with such warmth had you wanted to flip your palm to hold onto it, but you just let him slide the gun into his own possession. Holding it upright around the short cut barrel.

Ever the vocal one, Ellie spoke up first. “Who are you?” She was stood still, arms crossed over her chest with a stare that could sear a hole in the floor. Her body now against the table, blocking any view of the towns layout from the strangers prying eyes. Tommy stood to his side, back to the wall and eyes to the door while Joel stepped away from your side.

Watching him crouch down in front of the man, you yearned for the grace of someone more worthy. A gun to a mans surprised back peering right through whatever facade he would spit out were you not there. You had felt brave until he turned to face you. Owen’s face painted with fearful shock but yours only seethed with undiscovered ire. Whatever in your body that didn’t shake, a tingling flooded where ever nerves were attached.

Owen’s stare towards Ellie was suspicious. Dots connecting in his head, he raised an eyebrow as he returned her stare. “How about you go first, then I have my turn?”

“Hey,” Joel’s voice rumbled out tight and controlled, just like his unwavering posture. “You look at me, not her. Got it?” Owen didn’t answer quick enough, meaning not instantly, which only got him grabbed by the jaw, Joel’s fingers squishing parts of his cheeks in like a blooded up fish. “I said got it?”

Owens brows furrowed in a grumble but he nodded. “Good. Now answer the question.” His kept his promise, he didn’t look back at Ellie. Just you. Empty eyes with a smile that had been smeared onto his skin like a goo.

“Or you could just tell them, you already know my name afterall.”

Your nails dug into the skin of your palms, scratching and clawing to keep them from shaking. In a world where you knew how to stand your ground, maybe the words would come up out of your mouth. Only they didn’t and you weren’t standing your ground, you weren’t sure your heart would calm enough to give that chance.

Joel yanked his head back over to face him, face even sterner then before. “I asked you.”

No one was impressed with the eye roll. A childish act for a tied up man, “Owen. Like she said.” When Joel didn’t let go of him, only gripped tighter did he remember to act like a grown up. “We used to know each other, had a couple run ins didn’t we?”

You couldn’t see Joels eyes flit back as if he could see you behind him, but that yearning never left his heart. You were supposed to be at his side, not trapped in place by whatever memory this man dragged into town with him. “This is not-”

“He’s a firefly, or was.” Part of you was happy Owen hadn’t seen you in over a year, missing the slight waver in your voice as you forced it to come out in one go. All three of them had completely different reactions.

Ellie was confused. A group in her life held a complicated relationship with her, one that she suspected wasn’t wholey truthful with her, but never had the chance to put her finger on it. Tommy was braced for either side of things. His eyes never straying from the sight in front of him but one foot of his stood out towards Ellie, as if to intervene.

You didn’t need to see Joel’s face to know what he was feeling. Crouched down, his shoulders and back were set and so tense you could see it through his jacket. His hand dropped to his thigh with a thud curled into a fist. Those brown eyes washing over to a black as his nostrils flared as he kept a wild within him.

No doubt lost in what you have found yourself in many times, flashes of light passing your eyes as images that keep you up at night taunt you. You found yourself pacing towards him, hand reaching out to him, but hovering in place at the prospect of sneaking up on him. But just like you felt with him, Joel didn’t need to hear or see to know you were near him.

He just felt you already, taking a deep breathe as his back stretched back, giving your hand the chance to simply push forward and grasp onto the back of his collar like he knew you would. “What’s a firefly doing in our town, sneaking up on my own.” Joel was seconds away from bearing his teeth, if he remained just a strange intruder that was one thing. But none of you had any delusions about what having someone like this here could mean.

“Just looking for a friend is all. Big state you know? Gotta check all the corners.” Joels fist curled in more as you curled your fingers into his collar. The two men eyed one another before Joel made to stand back upright. Letting go to give him space, it was only snatched back by Joel’s empty hand. Keeping it tucked to his chest, to turned so both your sides leaned against the bar. His warm breathe heating the skin of you face still doused from the cold outside.

Eyebrows raised, you could read the question unsaid. Nodding yes, you bit the inside of your cheek. “Don.” Your eyes on his chest, Joel turned his body partway to gesture Ellie to take the shotgun from him. Sometime later, Joel would feel pride of how confidently she took it into her hold and held it to Owen. Perfect form like he taught her. But now that wasn’t anywhere near his mind.

His now free grasp held onto your hip and pulled you at an angle, hiding your gazes from the man flickering his eyes around the room. Fingers stretching from under his, you wrapped them into the top of his shirt peeking through. Unable to decide if you could handle being the subject of this kind of intensity from Joel. “Don mentioned travelling with them for a while, I didn’t know he stayed with them after..”

Joel cupped the side of your cheek, turning you up to his face. He meant to say something, meant to comfort or suggest but your own genuine unease pressed against the heart under his chest. A vulnerability that he spent weeks trying to coax from you from the quiet safety of your room together, but now on display for someone that Joel felt the growing urge to slam face first into a wall, leaving a mark he wouldn’t come back from.

For only a moment you let yourself feel it. Shutting you eyes, Joels hand warm and soothing in your heart as you let the uncertainty flow over. Letting it drip from you head to your toes, melting off as it reaches the floor. Finally you flickered your eyes up to Joels. “I’ll talk to her.” Joels head whipped around, eyes blazing at the mans suggestion. “I’m not gonna kneel here and spill my guts to all you bozos-”

The other two pairs of feet in the room both shifted a foot forward. A “Watch yourself” sounding from Tommy at the same time as Ellie’s far less decorum of “Shut the fuck up.”

Shuffling in place, you could tell Joel was grappling with the idea. A deep protective instinct that threatened to overtake him should anything happen to you. “I’m not leaving you alone in a room with one of them.”

Your cheek pinched between your teeth just a tad to sharp, your mind salvaging for any hint you have a plan in mind. But you don’t, and Joel knows you don’t. Because he doesn’t have one either. Your eyes drifted to Owens tied up frame, gesturing your chin over in debate, Joel doubled down.

“They’re better talkers then they are fighters out here. I’m not worried what he’s going to do, I’ll chain him to the wall if I have to. It’s what comes out of his mouth I don’t trust.” Something within you sensed something coming. Like the polarizing fear sweeping through you when Don had walked into town was a child’s bad dream compared to what your anxiety begun to brace for. But you agreed.

That part of you which could no longer pretend as if you felt anything but racing nerves in your veins wouldn’t admit it, but you were eternally relieved to have Joel. You faced people like Owen, the fireflies always them versus you. Always running, stealing and sabotaging behind their backs it would weigh less on your chest to have someone in your corner, helping you up onto equal landing.

Jaw clenching, Joel’s eyes pleaded a different story. One of a man dreaming of finding a small life with you and Ellie, and having to shove down the urge to burn everything to the ground just to keep you three in that harmony. But the fireflies played a different game. One that burned into Joel’s core, and one that froze yours over.

Sending a shiver down the length of your spine as his thumb gently rubbed over your bottom lip, he was holding himself back from kissing you. Brown eyes flickering to your lips as his fingertips flexed where they sat on your body as if resisting pulling you into him.

Sarah echoed in his head. Holding you in his arms on the porch as you told him unequivocally that she would be proud of who he is, but he didn’t feel proud now. Joel felt like control was slipping away from him and the last time that happened it ended in a bloodbath.

You didn’t like this look on Joel. His handsome features warped by a painful conflict behind, firm and set as if nothing he was preparing to let nothing to get past the stone walls. You wanted him relaxed, soft. The kind of look he gave you that very morning. A smile that you’re not sure you’d ever seen yet. A soft one, a sleepy glaze in his eye and that very thumb rubbing over your bottom lip only then he moved it to help pull you out of sleep with his own lips.

Anxiety shocking your limbs, jolting them like electricity while Joel was reliving the nightmares the people just like Owen brought on him. That quiet bubble of lips and skin against each other under the sheets Joel wanted you to call your own? That morning seems to not exist anymore.

One of your hands drifted around, trailing on the inside of his jacket along the thin layer of his shirt, nails tracing towards his stomach as both of your eyes begged for even one kiss. Something to keep you both here and grounded. You weren’t going to give the satisfaction to Owen though.

So you let yourself out of Joel’s hold. His hand sliding from your waist only until you were to far to stretch out to. Owen’s eyes were far less confident as you approached him. His laboured breathing the only thing in the air as you crouched in front of him.

“You talk to both of us. Or no deal.” If you were someone else, you would have sounded firm. Sure of your conviction and unafraid of the coward in front of you. Not the weaker almost out of breathe hesitancy it came off as.

Owen narrowed his eyes at you. “And if I say no?”

Joel was what you tried to sound like. Deep and threatening, no room for doubt or barter as he came up behind you. “I dump you outside of town face first, hog tied in the snow.”

Warm large hands pulled you up with one of them now refusing to leave your side. Owen conceded just as Tommy called Joel. Gesturing over to the sight of people beginning to mill about like nothing ever occurred inside the building. The man wasting no time as he hauled Owen up uncaring of the stumble he felt from the aggressive jostle.

Owen stood crookedly against the bar, as Tommy circled his finger for him to turn around. “Ellie.” Joel beckoned her, a hand out for her to hand the shotgun over. Glancing between it and you, her face fell flat as she rolled her eyes giving it to a tiny smirking Joel at her petulance.

No sense of personal space as he dove right into the small bag at your side for the ammo he assumed was in there. Loading it for you, he draped the strap over your shoulder. “Me and Tommy’ll handle getting him out of here. You two head back to the house, it’ll take us a while to move him.”

Owen’s wrists rubbing together at the redness already scratching into them, Tommy added “I got a feeling he’s not against making a scene if we walk him through the middle of the street.”

Neither you or Ellie were keen on leaving the two of them to handle it on their own, but you gently pushed her forward to grab her jacket. Joel turning you to face him as he cupped your cheek once more. There was something at the tip of his tongue, but it wouldn’t let itself out. A disruption you both felt in your bones just when he was finally putting a life together.

Gently grasping his wrist, you turned his hand, pressing a kiss to his palm and watching him stiffen and breathe force itself from his lungs harder. A rage inside him that you knew he didn’t want to relive, or even expose you too. You couldn’t form the words, you knew what you felt but your tongue wouldn’t take them in. You just wanted him to know that it was alright.

The disgusting turmoil you brought upon his family hadn’t made him turn you away. His own would never do the same to you. There wasn’t anything Joel could do that would destroy what you were trying to pretend wasn’t a stem of blossoms flourishing into unconstrained winding petals.

But now? Watching Joel share muted words with an agitated Ellie, both struggling to let the other walk away? Wondering if it was mere coincidence that it was Owen who was here, or if you dragged them to your doorstep.

Your mind far off, preoccupied in the possibilities going unconfessed. If this was your fault, if you brought this on them, then Joel should hate you. You deserved it. No reason could form in your head as to why he should support you, he’d done enough.

You didn’t know what to bring to this relationship, and now all you have started bringing is burden upon burdens. Nothing to go on, all you could assume was that love wasn’t supposed to be sharing the brunt of the others problems.

You were selfish for letting him bring you home that day, and he was stupid for going after you in the first place. The gruesome mark on your side should have stayed there. Ripped open and bleed out until you wouldn’t get back up from that blood soaked room anymore.

Fed up, Ellie grabbed your arm with a shout of your name. Turning you towards her, eyes narrowed in exasperation. “Where are we going? Joel said-”

Mouth opening then closing, your peeked at the people around you some glancing at the Ellie’s sudden outburst. It didn’t even dawn on you until now how far into town the pair of you had gotten. You couldn’t do this here, not in front of all these people. You couldn’t breathe around a crowd closing in on you. Swallowing the swarming cloud threatening to engulf you. “I need to get something, okay?” You grabbed her hand on your arm, squeezing it for a moment. “It’s important.”

She didn’t say much as you both walked into the now mostly empty house. You wasted no time, making a bee line to your bedroom as Ellie paced around. Taking in the lack of any feeling home. You had brought hardly anything over. A bag or two at most. Neither she or Joel had much when they arrived, but they finally had started to feel like a home, like a place in the world once long forgotten. You arrived with nothing, and you still had next to nothing.

Ellie couldn’t help but wonder. Is that what life on the outside was like for you? To truly have nothing to find joy in? The clang of wood caught her attention, dragging her over to your old bedroom. Your body knelt on the ground tearing out part of the floor only to reach in and rag out a small box. “So what are we doing back here?”

Hands pausing mid movement what would you even say? What Joel was keeping from here was nowhere near the kind of lie you were keeping from both of them. The lie you tried to throw away the day you set foot in this town. Fingers slowly wrapping around loose drawings scattered at the bottom, you shuffled them together, throat tight as you tired to find careful words.

“Something he might be after.” Head lifting up you saw the question form on her tongue. “It’s complicated. I’m not- I don’t know how to explain it.” Right now at least.

“You could try. I mean I’m complicated.” Your head dropped again but in a breathy laugh, Ellie always managing to let that bemused attitude slip through no matter what.

Tilting your head to the side a smirk played on your lips. “Yeah, we seem to be a house full of that.” Slipping the drawings into part of the journal, you sucked in a breathe with your eyes blinking shut for as long as you exhaled. Chucking the box back into the hole you lazily threw the wood down. Nothing left in there to hide under hammer and nails.

Ellie’s face was stuck in hesitation when you stood back up. Her eyes looking to the journal you pressed tight to your chest then back to your own face trying to appear neutral. “Is that what he wants?”

Lungs constricted and coiled more in your chest. Best case scenario likely being this was all he travelled here for. “Stay in your room, when we get back.” Your head shaking just once as your face tightened and scrunched up. “I’m not asking Ellie. You’re not going anywhere near him.”

Her arms waved in the air, voice raising just like outside. “I’m not just gonna hide in my room like a-”

“You don’t think Joel’s going to tell you the exact same thing?” Inside hoping you weren’t coming across as harsh. But you didn’t know what Owen was going to say, or what was going to happen to get him to say it. Ellie deserved a normal life, and none of this was apart of that.

The house was silent when you both got back. Not a creak or muffle as Ellie charged in first. An annoyed attitude to match such a flat expression unwilling to even keep the door mostly open. Your grip on the journal adjusting and reajusuting multiple times as if letting for a fleeting moment would sweep it out of your possession.

Opening the door the rest of the way, you were silent as you watched Ellie stand in the middle of the room. Her body turned towards the only closed door, eyes wider and sunken in with a deeper hesitation then before. You could see Joel leaning back against the counter, arms crossed with eyes harsh and narrow at the same direction.

“He’s in there?” Half her torso twisting to watch Joel nod once. “Is he-”

“Still tied up. He’s not going anywhere.” An edge cut through his voice, restraining an emotional you knew was a battle to bury back down. “As long as he’s here you’re going to-”

Head dropping as did her eyes. “Stay in my room. I know.” She didn’t bother taking her jacket off out here, just step by step towards the hallway there wasn’t even a blink. Suddenly the prospect of staying as far away from him as possible didn’t sound like a punishment. Stopping in front of the door, she looked back to Joel with her teeth gritting in an anxiousness. “What are we going to do with him?”

There was no response. Joel’s shoulders squared as he exhaled through his nose harshly. Brown eyes just glued between her and the door as his head brewed with thoughts you couldn’t possibly imagine.

Neither of them said anymore. Ellie turned to open her door before taking one last peek at the shut one not far from her own. Keeping her in the dark wouldn’t last, but right now wasn’t time. Not for Joel, not for you.

The quiet air didn’t dissipate with her departure. An uncertainty floating between you and Joel, his eyes now following the way yours stared at the door. Unlike Ellie though, your own blazed with a knowing fear. Murmuring your name, Joel gestured for you to come over to him.

You didn’t reach out for him the way his hand did for your waist. Pulling you closer, Joel stood up straight with a deep breathe. Eyes flickering to the door and back, brows narrowed still. “The hell does he want with you that he tracked you all the way here for?”

It felt like a blame, even if it wasn’t one. What did you to do drag something else into his life? Your grip on the journal in your hand didn’t go amiss. Nor did your casual shrug fool him. “If he’s still a firefly he either only wants me..”

“Or that?” Joel raised an eyebrow towards your hands as his own pulled your retreating body back into him. “Hey. I’m not prying, but if you’re in danger I need to know about it. Now.” The sternness in Joel’s voice carved something deep inside you as did the fierceness in his bright eyes.

Your jaw clenched as the defeat just piled up. His eyes followed as your hands dropped to your sides before you tossed the journal aggressively onto the counter behind him, but your arms returned to cross your chest protectively. “They know about me. Like-”

His large hand squeezing just above where the mark sat on your side. His eyes squinted in confusion at what was in your hands. “What does a book have to do with it?” Heart lurching in your chest, you pried yourself from his hand but found yourself unable to move entirely from his warmth. One palm pressing into your forehead as the other sat on your hip.

“It belongs to them.” Your chin cutting over to it. Jackson was supposed to heal over those memories, but that wasn’t the plan of whoever watched your life over. “I stole it from them, Owen took it back from me, I stole it from him so on.” Head raising into the air to push the sting in your eyes down even when your shaky breathe gave it away just as much. “Either they only got their hands on the book, or lucky enough to try and drag me to Boston because Marlene just can’t give anything up.”

“Marlene?” Joel leaned into you, pulling your face to look at him by your chin. Your own lost ones stark against his heating fire as he said your name. “She was the one looking for you?”

You stammered, watching Joel run a hand over his face. Dots connecting in your mind, your mouth fell open slightly as a tangle of disjointed words tumbled out. “Yeah she wanted me.... and you were in Boston. With Ellie.” A story you knew the details to but didn’t stop to wonder how deeply intertwined it’s words were.

This time it was Joel who fidgeted his body back and forth, jaw so clenched it might snap as both his hands found his hips. “Ellie grew up in there, and that’s where I lived when Marlene got me to take her, or forced my hand was more like it. She was adamant someone needed to get her to one of their stations out west when she couldn’t.”

Joel’s head snapped to you as you started putting it together. “I’m assuming she didn’t specify west meant a hospital in Salt Lake?”

Running his hand down his face again, Joel finally leaned back against the counter. “I didn’t know the extend of where I was taking her until Ellie mentioned a cure. By the time I got her there, it was almost to late when I found out what the fuck they were about to do.”

Blood racing in your veins you hated where this was going more and more. “Because she knew you’d never do otherwise. She seem desperate?”

All you needed was his nod of yes. You felt incredibly stupid. The details Joel had already shared, what Don told you, what had happened what was in the journal itself. That’s why they left you alone after all that time. She found Ellie, and dumped her off with people who couldn’t possibly know what Marlene was handing her off for.

You weren’t sure how long you had been silent, but Joel cupped the side of your neck urging you to come back to him. You were quicker on the draw then he was. “We need to find out what he’s doing here. Now.”

Soothing you, his breathe grazed your face as he leaned his forehead onto yours. “I can do this alone, you don’t need to see this.”

Sliding your fingers up to hold his wrist gently, your eyes as soft as your touch felt opposite of how much Joel’s nerves sat in his fingertips. “You said we’re in this together. So we do this, together.” He took one last moment to hold you against him still with a hand at the back of your head.

Pulling back he grabbed something you couldn’t quite see from behind him, sliding it into pocket inside his jacket before you could make it out. His hand stayed in the middle of your lower back as you both approached the door. The journal left alone on the counter the reasons to keep it in the shadows leaving you moment by moment.

It should have satisfied you to see fresh blood now on his face. Two distinct cuts clotting over on his cheek, drifting down to see his frame tied to a chair looped with more then one restraint. Hands bound to the arms of the seat, a redness that too was blood on his fists. You wanted to feel smug at how rough he looked, but it did nothing to soothe the racing of your heart.

Owen barley looked your way when he saw Joel follow in. The harsh shut of the door behind him making the bound man jump. A rag drenched in droplets of blood and sweat tied around his mouth explained the no noise as you walked in. A sprinkle of suspicion that his newfound red paint was a result of putting far more of a struggle up then he could handle the consequences too.

The air around the three was charged with such a heavy weight you felt as if it could crush you flat. Your vision as it turning white flashed, the slamming pain skyrocketing from your body to your head as it rattled against the cliff side. The blood on your face felt as if it had never been washed off as you looked at the still red stained ones on Owen.

Yours weren’t bound to the arms of the chair. No yours were wrapped behind you, phantom sensations of the metal digging into your skin as it gave way to a snapping bone. Memories you’ve never spoken of, ones you wanted to bury deep.

Joel had spoken, and you didn’t even catch it. Muffled voices quiet and rumbling as your brain forced itself into the present. You had barley moved from just feet inside the room. Joel stood tall over him with the rag now dragged down from his mouth spitting as the words came out. “What? I can’t just pop by to visit a friend? See an old pal? Isn’t that right? Good ole Don?”

Snatching his jaw, Owens cheeks smushed together as Joel forced it to lurch forward to his knelt over figure. “Hey, you’re not talking to her. Just me.” His voice was even, but unseen to your place behind him, Joel’s features stood sharp, a dark in his eyes that worked it’s way into his bones from weeks of torment on the people he loves. “Start with what Don was here for.”

Joel’s hand dropped as he stayed at his eye level Keeping the mans only view of him. The condescension in Owen’s voice circulating Joel’s bloodstream in an angering trail. “Small town living.”

He gave him no response. A stone walled stare leaving the pure nothingness in the air force someone to fill it, only neither you or Joel would do so.

“He’s an idiot, who knows what he was doing here. I just haven’t heard from him is all, a guy can’t worry for his friend apparently.” You knew Owen wasn’t stupid enough to believe that. Part of you wondered if he just didn’t realize why Don was nowhere to be found, or if he was dumb at playing dumb.

Joel’s hand flexed as he turned his head. Barley enough to even look beside him until moving back trying to not shift focus to you. Keeping Owens focus or Joels focus away he wasn’t quite sure of. “This can end right now. But if you keep bullshitting me, I promise you’ll wish it did.”

Owen opened his mouth and closed it more than once. He was a footman. Strong, not pragmatic. A fear not unlike one you’ve felt countless times in your own eyes doubting himself as Joel stared at him. Only letting a few more seconds pass before Joel’s face twisted in anger. Bracing his palms on his thighs Joel pushed back upright.

Stepping uncomfortably close into his space, Joel tugged the gag back over his mouth, but was nowhere near done. You couldn’t tell what Joel had pulled from his jacket until rusting pliers braced themselves onto the nail of Owens index finger.

Tilting his head with an eyebrow raised, Joel was giving him a warning that Owen didn’t take. Just shaking his head with a muffled string of what sounded like petulant swearing. Joel held it to him, breathing heavy as whatever conflict in his head won out, forcing himself to act on that conclusion before a softer part of his subconscious wanted to talk him out of.

A few years into the outbreak you had watched a number of members from your group screaming not dissimilar to the muffled ones before you. You had been pressed inside the back of a desk. Your only sight the dilapitating square of wall in front of you, but the wood surrounding you felt as it it made it echo. Warped, distorted screams as it was followed by a cracking. One by one the cracks followed screams that rasped into sobs.

It was a sound and sight that for a while, was the scariest thing you’d ever seen. A body unconscious from either shock or blood loss as scattered puddles of blood and teeth lay strung about. You didn’t dare look how many were left. There were enough teeth on the ground to know not enough to matter.

You had thought to yourself, never again did you want to be anywhere near something like this. But that was before you were tormented with screams, screeches and searing rips into your skin and clicks that stabbed into your brain until you felt numb to the fear.

Owen didn’t sound quite like any of it. More like a strained groan trying to push down the agony. Your nails digging into your palm with each silence between Joel’s growling voice. Blood asking to drip down from the nails you still had, unlike the man who took his only chance to speak with his gag off, to try and spit at Joel. Much more swearing came from that rip then whatever your nails scratched into your palm.

The red made it look worse then it did. Comparing to what the world outside proved it was capable of, Owen would live. Live without having to change who he was entirely. Your side told you not to feel bad and it was a hard voice to ignore. Your forearm throbbing in rhythm. Neither of those were a fate anyone should feel, but you had. And so did she. Those were far worse.

Owen wasn’t just connected to Don, it didn’t just trace back to you, and Joel had enough of keeping that thought out of it. “Look at me. Hey-” He yelled more this time, nostrils flared as he grabbed Owen by the throat to force him to look.

Owen looked dazed, swallowing hard as his eyes fluttered in and out of pain. “You this embarrassed someone got the jump on you in front of your girl?”

A roaring current zapped through Joels nerves, his hand tightening his hold on the mans throat. “Fine, you’re in my position. Someone breaking into your home? Rope in his hands, sneaking up on you and your daughter behind your backs?” His voice snarling at the edge of breaking into something Joel could lose control over.

But you didn’t give either of them a chance. Your footsteps banged into the floor, heart pounding but unwilling to break eyes with Owens attention, now on you as he heaved in pain. Joel didn’t move, forcing his snarling heaves back down.

Hand curling into a fist around the pliers. It didn’t matter what Owen’s plan was. Joel covered all of Ellie’s sides, and so you would cover his back. You didn’t bend down to their place near the ground. You wanted Owen to strain up in the pain to look at you. “You read the journal, right?”

Joel’s heart tempered down, but didn’t have the willingness to look anywhere but the man bleeding in front of him. Nothing had happened, but the threat was enough. Men like this, people like them? Joel would make sure they had no right to even look at Ellie. They get to keep their lives, their families and there was no comprehension in Joel’s mind to ever appease that they tried to tear apart his for their own gain. Tear his family back to shreds, keep their own when they had no heart or soul as they tried to do it to his.

Unlike him, you didn’t bother with the intimidation, it was never a word given to you anyways. Letting it your hand brush the wrist attached to where Joel’s was, brushing your thumb over the vein you could reach, Joel finally let the mans airway free. Desperate to keep himself here, it only switched places. You felt his hand, large and close to bruising as he held part of your calf.

Owen heaved and you let him. He wasn’t a solider, he had no obligation to withstand this, and both you and Joel knew that. You let Joel push Owen to the edge as long as you held him back from the cliff when Joel himself got to close to falling alongside. Broken at the bottom, splayed on jagged rocks you spoke softly to him.

“Owen. I asked you a question.” He glanced from Joel to you, but finally kept it mostly on you when Joel didn’t move a muscle. “How much of the journal did you read?”

And there it was, his bloodshot eyes jumping to your forearm. In another world, maybe you’d smile, smirk, enjoy the torment. But neither you or Joel did. This was his family, and he was protecting it regardless of the cost.

Nodding, you didn’t really even register doing, but your eyes sat wide. “It didn’t say anything about this, I imagine.” One hand slip the side of your shirt up.

Forearms heal better then the sides of a torso, and yours still looked like a horror. The colour, the scarring still healing with skin bitten and torn into and no disillusion as to what it was from. “Do you think you’re bite will look like this? Or rot to something else entirely.”

Would you do it? No. Humans deserved the fate of other humans. No one deserved what you and Ellie had barley survived. It was more then teeth, it was a blood curling terror like a radiation poured into your body along with it. But Owen didn’t know that, all he knew is someone in the fireflies inflated your reputation to dangerous. And that certainly wasn’t the image of hope Marlene tried to frame it in, no only one other person would have given Owen that idea.

You wanted to crouch to look him properly in the eye, but you dared not interrupt the iron grip Joel had on your calf. So your fingers curled into the side of his jacket collar, one the front of his shirts were familiar with on quiet, peaceful nights. “Don could have told you if his own bite didn’t tear into his neck. Bring you to him if you don’t believe me.”

“No, n-no,” There was the crack Joel had broken in.

“Then tell us the truth. If you’re here for the journal, we can talk about that. But of you’re here for me then that’s a new problem.”

You could feel Joel’s hand slid up your calf, less desperate and tight but now more all encompassing. A need to feel you there without risking his attention elsewhere. But that didn’t matter. The attention wasn’t about you at all. Owen looked defeated at you before sliding his eyes to the thing you feared putting at risk the most.

“We weren’t looking for you. We were sent to look for him.” Your fingers curled into his jacket more as your heart beat so fast you felt it in your throat. A penetrating cold shivering from your heart and outward. “Fuck, no one even knew where you were until now I guess. A few of us have been scouting different nowhere towns looking for a Joel Miller. Just a wild fucking coincidence I guess.”

Joel’s voice was controlled, forcing words out slowly and clearly. Low almost like a whisper. His eyes the opposite as they fell dark and falling down a hole of realization. “Whose us?”

Owen gnawed at his lip before relenting. “Anderson,” Joel tilted his head needing him to elaborate, but you knew. You knew it was a divine force that kept you from falling back. “You know the doctor, the fucking hospital? We’re not with the fucking fireflies anymore, just got a few of us together when she finally learned your name. You killed her dad, so? Fair’s fair.”

Joel stood up, the room silent as your head spun it’s contents. Turning to you, his face was lost in an overwhelming blast of emotions. Yours was flushed, a shiver running your entire body as you looked at him. This wasn’t even about you, and that scared you even more. You couldn’t just walk away to get rid of this for them.

Joel grabbed your wrist on his jacket, holding to keep you close. He seemed to grapple with something before turning to shove the gag back in Owens protesting mouth and dragging you out of the room.

He pulled you closer to the main room cupping the sides of your face urgently, pulling you into his space as you tried to rationalize it. “She can’t, you..I won’t let her.”

Joel muttering your name almost commandingly as he almost smoothed over your skin to quell the panic. “Hey, hey- it’s okay eyes on me.” Your nails almost dug into his chest as you shook in his hold with a skin prickling combination of distraught and a back blowing whoosh of determinating protectiveness. “Nothing is going to happen. Nothing’s going to happen to me, not me, not any of us.”

Your soul felt like screaming on the inside. “I’m not going to lose you, not for this. I won’t leave anyone to-”

Joel pulled your lips into his, a harsh and rough collision that took not just your breathe out of your lungs but his. His own brushing against yours aggressively, pulling back only enough to have you hear him.

“Together. Anything we do, we’re doing it together. You don’t want to leave me? Good ‘cus I’m certainly not leaving you or her. I didn’t do what I did, only to get ripped away from her as soon as we finally started becoming something.”

Joel kissed you another time, telling you to stay out here. Just for a minute before turning on the spot and slamming the door back behind him. A sharp anger on his face that you decided wasn’t worth holding him back from.

Your back pressed against the wall, palms shoving pressure onto your forehead as you realized just who was looking for Joel. If it was her, then she’d come looking for Owen. If Joel didn’t hesitate to go find you the day you took off, then she would come looking for Owen the second it was too late for him to reasonably not come back.

At some point you had slid onto the floor right next to Ellie’s door. This was it. She needed to know about that day. But it wasn’t what Joel did that was the lie going to hurt, it was the truth you had to come to terms with too. The truth all Joel did, was save her from and the pain he thought he was keeping from her was nothing.

You could see the journal still sat on the counter at the other end of the room. He’d tell her, then you’d tell them. Somewhere in the back of your head you registered a thud, but it was too faint to drag you back into the light.

The quiet creak of Ellie’s door however, was just that. She had heard enough to know what was happening in that room, but none of you were disturbed by it. Ellie had been through more then what Joel had done in those last ten minutes with Joel himself. Her eyes were tensely trained on the door when she almost jumped at the sight of you.

“Fuck, make a sound or something next time.” Laugh, smile give her something but you couldn’t. Everything was about to be laid out on the table, and your nerves were crippled with the nightmare of losing Joel, losing her, for it all. “What happened?”

Both of your heads shot up as Joel finally came back out. A redness on his hands that you knew were smears of the mans already dripping blood inside, it didn’t look bruised so at least it wasn’t that. You could only see inside the room enough to see the chair awkwardly moved over with Owen muttering to himself along with it as the door shut.

All three of you looked at one another before Joel looked at Ellie with a seeping guilt in his eyes, “We need to talk.” Ellie’s eyebrows raised in worry but nodded.

“Not just you. I mean, she needs to know.” Ellie’s face darting between you both now confused, “But you both need to know something else. You talk to her first though.”

Ellie looked lost and anxious, “What the fuck is going on?”

Joel’s hand smoothed over the side of Ellie’s head, his heart melting at how instinctively now she leaned into his embrace without realizing. Any of you losing this would be catastrophic. “Give us a minute,” his head gesturing to you. “Then we’ll talk.” Looking between you both, she finally conceded. Joel unable to take his eyes off of her until the door shut completely once more.

Holding his hand out, he pulled you up onto your feet and gestured to the main room before either of you said a word. Wavering looks swimming in both of your eyes and hearts beating just as loudly as the other. “She-” Joel cut himself off with a sigh, handing his head with his hands on his hips. “I wanted to find the right words first. Not spring it on her like it doesn’t matter how I say it.” A strain in his voice you wanted to honey over.

Though you weren’t sure he was really telling you, not past your nerves. Running a hand down the length of his face as his eyes stayed shut. You were in the same boat, how were you supposed to tell the only family you had how much of a lie they were both sold on. How would they feel knowing you were a sliver of that story?

Maybe you shouldn’t have unpacked that bag, your old empty house feeling more and more like the isolation you belonged in, but Joel didn’t deserve this feeling. He’d been through enough, he’s done enough. Softly muttering his name, he dropped his hand back to his hip but still was trapped behind his eyes.

This time whispering his name, hands very gently reaching out to cup the side of his face, thumb tracing against the coarse facial hair. His larger hand circled your wrist. “Give me your worst case scenario.” His eyes darting up in narrowing, an incredulous look but you kept your hand softly on him. “What would be the worst reaction she could have?”

It was clear he’d thought too much of just that, because his answer was instantaneous. “She hates me. I lied to her about all of it, and she resents me for what I did, and for lying to her.” A part of your heart cried at hints of agony his eyes looked at you. “I don’t know if I could handle that. Not now.”

Joel deserved to hear one thing, but right now you think he needed something else more. It was surprisingly easy to pull such a tall giant man to lean down into you. His hands both squeezing you waist as his forehead rested on your shoulder. Winding one arm past his neck you kept him there as you raked your hands through his hair as the other ran your palm shallowly against his torso down closer to his stomach. His deep breaths the only thing in your ear as you let him feel the worry for just a moment.

Let him process what’s being forced onto him so suddenly. You didn’t let go of him as you softly spoke into his ear minutes later as his breathing steadied against your skin. “Do you know why that will never happen?” Hands gripped you tighter, you were starting to speak his silence. “That kid loves you. You’re her whole goddamn world even if you can’t see it. She was sold on a lie that got sold onto you. You were the only person who did the right thing, probably one of the only people who ever put her well being before someone else.”

Joel found enough of a calm to lift his head, steady movements in his chest as he rested his head against yours. Face still twisted and tearing apart with nerves. “I still lied to her.”

When you first met him, you’d never have said anything close to what came out of your mouth in the firm meaning you spoke. “You lied to yourself, Joel.” His eyes widening, a hurt treading on them that needed to be satiated fast. “When you think about that day, do you see what you did or why you did it- no don’t try to tell me otherwise. Because that’s exactly what I see.”

Your hands sliding down to his own waist, “There’s not a single time I’ve heard Ellie talk about everything that happened that doesn’t end in her finding a way to tie it back to something you did for her. Marlene wanted to dump her life off on lies, and you kept her from it because you love her. What lie do you think’s going to hurt more? The one you couldn’t even admit to yourself, or the one people like them just for a chance to get her into a slaughterhouse.”

Pulling your arms away from him, you gave Joel the chance to stand on two feet. The thoughts clearly mixing and repelling against one another as he followed your lead. Giving his body a chance to breathe on his own, his eyes on nothing while the mind behind brewed and boiled. Slowly you stepped away, the time it took getting to where the journal had been tossed feeling like a lifetime.

Your hand paused as you slid it towards you. Eyes flying over the well used pages stuffed with fresher notes in your own once manic scratchings. Heart felt beating in your chest, you had to do it, but it wasn’t your place to say it. You had to let them be together. They could call you whatever they wanted, but you were still just on your own. Joel was her father now, and that’s the love she’s going to desperately need the most.

Biting the inside of your cheek, you quickly moved things. Putting your own notes in one pile and storing it right at the front. It had to be done before regret slipped in. Snatching it off the table you didn’t hide it on your person this time. It hung in the hand at your side, as you looked at his face once more.

No lies between you. Even if it sacrificed the adoration he watched you with. Both of you moved slowly as you handed it over to him, grateful he didn’t open it right away. “There’s nothing I could say that isn’t already in there.”

Joel’s head tilted as he looked at you with doubt. “Neither of us is trying to exclude you.”

Nerves burning on fire, you shrugged. “It’s still your life before me. Don’t open it until after. She needs you first, not this.” Watching his eyes bounce between the journal and you, the defeat crawling over sitting heavy in Joel’s stomach. “I think I pretty much summed it up, my notes in the front.” You pointed to the obvious white sheets contrasted against the stained darker ones. “But it’s still all in there.”

Neither you nor Joel said the words. The grief of losing it before becoming real a fear you needed to steel yourself with once more against as Joel stood before you. Himself holding it back from spilling out of his mouth, especially with that dissonant look in your eyes.

Selfishly, you have yourself what could be a final indulgence of his warmth. Your hands pressing flat onto his chest wishing those warm brown colour of his eyes would stay with you forever. “You’re not a bad person, Joel. Ellie knows that, so stop thinking that she will.”

His eyes skipped down to your lips, choosing to pull you in with his fingers under your chin. Small and chaste with the taste of restraint from losing yourself in the other. Pulling back only enough to give you air, “Didn’t realize this is what it would take to get this much out of you.”

Your heart leaping into a breathy laugh as he too lightly laughed into another kiss. Everyone always had something to say the second you ran your mouth for more than a few minutes didn’t they?

Control slipping, you had to gently push him back before he let go of it entirely. You didn’t watch as he walked away, didn’t watch as he went into her room. The click of the door was a trigger. The air in the room heavy and constricting, as the walls surrounded you. You couldn’t be in here, you couldn’t listen to whatever would happen it was suffocating you. You didn’t deserve to be anywhere near them, not now, not for this.

Not sure if either of them heard the front door shut, you walked out into the now significantly darker sky. Lungs filling with air you could stand as if the house was drowning in water. You didn’t get too far, just far enough to throw your back against a brick wall, sliding down as you lifted your head into the late winter sky.

It was a strange thought that passed through you, wondering what she’s heard about you since. If she was still with the fireflies then she knows all to well the man power wasted at trying to get you back.

Like the faces that followed you with every stabbing pain, she no doubt remembers your face perfectly. One of the hands now resting on your knees twitching as it relived a pain.

The blood dripping down your bottom lip from how hard you bit into it, holding back your voice as the bones in your hand snapped, slipping from the metal handcuffs forcing your arms behind the chair. The chain clanging together as you retched them in front of you, barley making it off the chair as your upper body leaned in on itself, shaking as you snapped the bone back barley staving off a cry.

The darker the sky grew the further down the dilapidated, dripping hall your memory travelled. You had caught her coming around the corner, nearly jumping as she turned to see you. It was easy to see the blood on you was your own, but it was even easier to see what sat on the forearm with the fractured hand. Red skin and stiff hanging at your torso, you had it unknowingly tilted where the ripples of an infection she couldn’t possibly guess was long past it’s prime.

You didn’t know if all of them here knew, a pathetic excuse of a firefly mid stop with too much empty space for them to even think of how to use it. Hell, at the time, you didn’t know a single of them were fireflies. You just knew him, your father, and now her. Judging by her face, wide eyes stepping back as an urgency fell over her face, she didn’t know the person here was you. The familiarity between you didn’t mean anything close to it’s beginning.

It all took no more than a few seconds. One of her hands reached behind her for what you had seen from the side was a gun as she begun to shout out someone’s name that you didn’t give her a chance to spell out. You had done it before you even heard it, arm stretched as the sound of the shot hit your ears after it already casted blood into her stomach. Something inside you wanted to stay, by the time someone else reached her it could already be too late.

But that would’ve been your fate if you didn’t leave. You fell into their laps by accident, but wasted no time in trying to find a use for you that didn’t involve keeping you around. It was the first time you stole the only resources they had, you. And the first time having you get away, ate at Marlene’s desperation to force you back from that day onward. You didn’t even know Marlene’s name until that day in the field, but you new who she was all too well now.

Front door slowly shutting was followed by the slight thud of boots against the wood of the porch. Head snapping up you saw Joel looking out with a squint, his shoulders looking less risen and tense then he had all day. You however, shot up so quickly your feet almost stumbled you back over if not for your hand braced against the brick beside you.

It was too far to see his expression, but it wasn’t always the best way to determine what was going on inside Joel’s head. Let him come to you, you told yourself. Constantly going to him, invading his life, disturbing their privacy was all you provided.

He had on a different shirt then before, this one looking much warmer then what was on you. Part of you wondered just how long you had been out here alone. If the sky had anything to say about it, it might have been far longer then you knew.

Now though, being out in the snow? A lack of anything substantial for winter weather having Joel’s eyes look at you, not knowing if in simple concern or judgment. Standing a foot or two away from you, Joel answered the question he saw you open your mouth to ask.

“You were right.” Your back sagged against the brick, this time though your legs finding the strength to hold you up. “Turns out having your whole life upended hurts a whole lot more then being lied to about getting her out of it.” His voice was shoved out in a gruff kind of pain, his eyes fared no better. Bright but not in a shine you yearned for, a pain, an upset that sat heavy in his heart. Just because it didn’t devastate their relationship, doesn’t mean it wasn’t devastating in every other sense.

You swallowed harshly as you nodded. Nothing even in your throat to say, scared to look to long at him, missing the needing stare he gave you that shined in the growing moonlight. Your voice just weak and cracked, “And you?”

The sigh he let out was loud. Arms crossing his chest he paced to put rest his back against a close by tree. The increased distance between you growing larger, you didn’t know how intentional it was. “I said something when she first told me what Marlene wanted with her. They’ve talked about cures all the time and none of them worked. Everyone wanted me to believe in it, in her so badly.”

Clenching his jaw you could see the frustration build and build. Making you feel like you understood without any idea of how to comfort it in a meaningful way. “But she’s a kid, not an answer.”

You yearned to reach out to him, his eyes glazing somewhat as he looked from the night sky, to the ground and back to you as a darker tone resurfaced in his voice. “She didn’t deserve to be treated like some miracle. She needed someone, anyone, to give a shit enough to protect her. Even from them.”

For once you stood still like a stature while Joel kept shifting his stance or his shoulders. “I don’t know if I even believed it when I went back for her. All I knew is it didn’t matter what they wanted, she didn’t deserve that and I couldn’t live with it.”

Your fingernails chipped away at the brick behind you, “Sometimes desperation makes you dumb. Doing bad things because they deluded themselves into thinking as long as they accomplish something then they can keep feeling as if they’re winning.” Sighing out raspily you hoped he couldn’t hear it. “Couldn’t get me anymore, so the second she found a new one? Getting her on that table was all they a cared about.”

“Even though they knew it wouldn’t work.” Joel pushed up from the tree, letting his hands fall to his belt loops trying to close the distance. “Didn’t matter what the truth was, everyone wanted her to be the one to set all of this right. All I could see was a girl who wanted to have a life. Didn’t matter to me what anyone else wanted, I’m not sure it ever did when it came to Ellie.”

Silence fell between you, that feeling in your throat coming back up like it wasn’t able to stop. Your heart falling over at the pain filling his features. “I’m sorry.”

Joel scrunched his face at you. “You’re sorry? For what?”

Throwing your hands out, you for once found yourself starting any kind of argument. “What do you mean what? How about everything I do somehow keeps coming back to fuck you and Ellie’s lives up.”

Joel’s own voice started to match in a frustration level. “Wait- you haven’t done anything.”

Rolling your eyes to the side you struggled to understand what he was even trying to do. “Right, because you’re lives have been so much more peaceful since I showed up and for some reason you just let me hang around no matter what I’ve done.”

Joel tried to come towards you but you just pushed off the wall and circled around to stay away. “I-”

At least it was growing dark enough that Joel couldn’t see the redness in your eyes. “He came looking for Don, Joel. Don never checked in because I killed him, he never even mentioned them. If he was here looking for you, he stopped giving a shit about you the second he saw me. Maybe if I just let him-”

Joel’s anger wasn’t at you but it sat visibly steaming on his face as he tried stepping towards you, but you just stepped away again. “No. I’m not even going to fucking entertain that idea-”

Your head pounded, every modicum of sound screaming as it flowed into your ears. “Well I am, so maybe you should for once, Joel.”

Running a hand over his mouth, you knew he was either going to yell or going to try and come closer, but at the moment you couldn’t tell which one you wanted less. “What do you want from me? Blame you for everything that ever goes wrong? Pretend I don’t want you in my life?”

If he was growing angry, you deflated it by turning to face him. Not quite yelling, but certainly not quiet either. “No, you’re just supposed to not want me in general.”

His volume grew with yours, as did the sharp features on his face grew twisted and stiff. “Well I’m sorry, sweetheart. You don’t get to just stand there and tell me I’m not allowed to love you just because that’s what you expect out of me.”

He didn’t realize what he had just said. And neither did you. The only ones who realized what Joel had just said, were the half awake birds on the treetops and the single pair of ears quietly listening from a far off window.

You pressed your palm to your forehead, trying to will the headache away with the pressure. “I’m not trying to tell you what to do, Joel. I just-”

Joel tried to come closer. His heart was turned up tonight, and between earlier, sitting on a way too low to the ground bed for his frame, running his hand soothingly over his what loose strands of hair splayed out from their ponytail as his little girl finally let that insufferably stubborn wall of hers fall down for once and cried into his lap. That everything that had finally brought them together was all based on a horrific lie that duped them both. Neither he nor her having any idea what to feel about it.

It was too much for him, but nothing compared to the endless turmoil spinning behind Ellie’s eyes as they were laid out what this all truly was. Ellie had been through a lot, too much with him, but for once she let herself react the way she needed. She didn’t do anything, she shouldn’t be brave about it.

Now he’s standing out in his front yard, watching you float around too many emotions for you to figure out what you even felt. Your voice wavering and how you kept stepping away if he came forward. To Joel, it was his own actions that brought this down on them, yet here you stood trying to force him to put every blame on you for just existing.

“Can you just listen to me?”

You wanted everything to stop, your lungs yelling at you and your vision feeling like it wanted to start spinning. “No, Joel-”

His hands gestured uselessly in the air, “Why not?” hoping he didn’t sound angry, but sometimes he wasn’t quite aware enough to know how he was coming off to people. Especially if airing on the side of losing his temper.

You told yourself not to cry, feeling a vile embarrassment if you cried in front of him right now. But your throat felt choked up, and barley managed to spit it out. “Because I don’t get it, Joel.” Everything in his face paused, taken back by what was about to spill out of your heart.

“I don’t understand why you care. I’ve never understood it. I’ve done nothing but get in the way, and you keep just bringing me back when we both know your life would be a hell of a lot easier without me in it. I don’t understand why you keep me around or why you even like me. I just...I don’t get you.”

Pressure build behind your eyes while the rest of you burned with humiliation. Being with Joel exposed parts of your soul that you never even thought to share with another, but the undeniable shake in your voice as you trailed off was twister of panic and tears that you tried to push down. Pretending it was anger.

In anyone else, Joel would have taken it in a worse light. But the silence in him as he grappled with just how little you could see how he felt didn’t sit right inside him. He knew part of this between you both was somewhat new to you. What he didn’t know, is that in fact all of it was new to you.

He was new in every way and now it all swirled on terrifying, your eyes staring at each other until you turned to go back in the house. In your frazzled mind, you hoped maybe Joel wouldn’t yell at you if you were inside. It felt different once you got there though. Countless houses you’ve walked into, abandoned, dilapidated, some in surprisingly good condition. Even your own small one in this very town. But something about being in Joel’s house felt different. Like a warmth spreading through your bones as you walked into the front door.

Your palms sat flat against the back of the couch, trying to count how long your inhales were and focusing on the exhales. Slowly your heart tapered down, the walls around you stopped shrinking in as you hoped when your eyes opened once more the world would stop feeling like it was tumbling around you.

Just seconds ago you felt like if Joel came anywhere close to you, that the weight of your emotions would implode on you. Yet as you heard Joel quietly following you into the house, you couldn’t help but follow where he was by the sounds he made as he walked in.

It all just hit you too fast. Giving yourself no time to process so you chose the worst possible way to react. Too much of your lives were converging together and it kept brewing a storm that you once only had to deal with alone. Now there were actual people in your life who leaving would tear parts of you across the distances between them. The only life that had been in danger since you arrived was your own. Having the forces from yours come down to Joel wasn’t fair. He had no stake in this fight.

He only did the one thing none of those people had the heart or the guts to do for another. And people like her had no right seeking out revenge for someone who wasn’t anywhere near close to what was toted around. Truly thinking about it, there was another person in this house who you know has his back too.

Eyes opening you looked over to her closed door, this time at least knowing she asleep. Only time would heal what you finally had to expose her too.

It was hypocritical of you, how the second two strong arms caged you in against the back of the couch, you leaned back into what you knew was Joel’s warm torso. He stepped in to press you closer to the couch so he could cover your hands with his, fingers linked as much as he could manage in this position.

His chin rests on your shoulder as you both stand with the other against you, a quiet that is far more familiar and soothing then any kind of arguing. Joel must have been watching you, because as soon as you opened your eyes to speak, he leaned his mouth closer to your ear. “Don’t you dare say you’re sorry again.”

Letting you go, Joel pressed himself more into your back as his hands decide to rest more comfortably on your hips. His nose pressed to your hair you nod in agreement. “Guess I’ve scared you enough, only a matter of time until it was my turn to get it.”

Your fingers dug into the couch more, but you still leaned into his touch head tilting back at his every move, even though he always found his way back. “I’m not going to bother telling you not to be. We both know listening to me isn’t exactly your forte.” Joel smirking against the side of your head at your face instantly falling in a playful offence. “I need you to listen to me this time, though.”

One arm slid across your stomach, almost as if he knew your hands were itching to hold onto him in some way. His hold pressing you against him further at the feeling of your nails scratching along his arm slightly. Your nod not enough for him, “Out loud.”

His heartbeat was so much calmer then yours, clearly having taken his jacket off while your back was turned the single thin layers between you meant you could feel him with every breathe. “I’m listening.”

Joel’s own eyes were off in the distance, staring at the table he could see through the door frame. The kind of nerves he saw on you felt like an echo of that night. So wrapped up in how sure he felt, that he forgot how unused to all this you were. Not used to the feelings that came with finding yourself so close to someone you didn’t expect too.

He knew all to well what that was like. The girl he felt in his heart like a father to, laying everything out on the line for. Ellie could look back on that day and joke about it. Trying to make a scene over how mistreated she was anytime he made her do a chore she’d turn back with a hand over her head lambasting the time he so callously threw her entire body into a wall. “Like a piece of meat,” she’d go on like.

Being told she’s nothing but cargo to him, not knowing the pure terror the day he could have truly lost her in more vile ways then he wanted to ever imagine. How it wasn’t the only day either. A small name he only ever felt pain even thinking about slipping from his lips as he looked at Ellie, unable to deny what they had become and just how deeply both of them wanted to hold onto the other.

It was different for you, but he knew whatever family you had wasn’t even present enough for you to care to share. Spending a lifetime outside any kind of walls or city with any form of order, not until you walked into town that day. You were still getting used to him, just as he had to do with Ellie.

“Maybe in another life, this might go down differently. Ellie decides she doesn’t trust me, I get caught off guard, or by some miracle that doctor even had a fucking clue what he was doing.” Both his arm around you and hand on your hip squeezed tighter. “But that’s not going to happen. We have each other, sweetheart. All three of us. You don’t deserve to be dragged back into this shit. And I’m sure as hell not leaving this world for that son of a bitch thinking he had any right to cut her open for some cure that doesn’t fucking exist. Who didn’t give a second thought about murdering the one other kid in my life who has ever felt like a daughter to me.”

You could feel the tensity in his muscles, wanting to turn around you tried to twist but Joel kept you in place. Pressing his lips to the back of your head. “He deserved exactly what you gave him, Joel.” Pausing your minds were both torn between two growing factions, one of which had to be dealt with before the other. “She’ll try to get the jump on us. Think I accidentally taught her the advantage of actually sneaking up on people.”

Joel’s voice was such a deep and bassy rumble in your ear that you couldn’t help your eyes flutter at the sensation. “Then she tries sneaking up on us. You with me?” Nodding in his hold, he muttered “Good girl.”

Oh he did that on purpose. As soon as your thighs tensed, Joel smirked into your hair. “Joel, we’re supposed to be making a plan- this isn’t fair.”

His chuckle was closer to your neck as he traced his nose down your cheek and jaw. “You saying I can’t do both?” The hand around your stomach started tracing over you, the way you’d run your hands through his air he traced over your front. When you didn’t respond right away, Joel’s lips pressed one more kiss right under your ear before nudging you with his nose. “We don’t have to do anything, sweetheart. It’s hasn’t been an easy day. I just want to pull you out of that head of yours.”

This time as you went to turn in his grip he let you. Your hands finding a home on his waist as he kept his back on your hips. His hair somehow just as light and fluffy now as it was when you woke up that morning. Coaxing you awake with his kiss as your hands found his still messy sleeping hair.

It was just as lovely now, the yellow tinged lights making the greys highlight the rest of the colour that suited him so beautifully. His eyes treading on a darker lust, but instead of a greedy tinge there sat almost a need. Something softer that not even a year ago he thought he’d never even consider wanting anymore. “What is it you want, Joel?”

Just like he didn’t expect this to be something he ever would want, he almost would never have guessed how easily you got him to open up to you. He’s not sure he’s ever been like this with a woman, even in his old life.

But you held nothing but an innocent generosity in your eyes, and Joel wasn’t about to part ways with that either. “Call me needy,” leaning to your face his nose trailed along yours as your eyes slid shut. “But what I want, is to feel how warm and tight you are for a little while.”

Joel read your body like a book, could feel in the smallest actions, the certain pitch of a tiny gasp or the way your body seemed to tense up and shiver at the same time. You always struggled to tell him what you wanted, but he was working you through that. Joel was perfectly happy to take care of you, typically because what he needed matched what you needed perfectly.

And talking wasn’t always the easiest way to get either of you out of your heads. Joel trying to lull you into his touch when you still hadn’t let go yet. “But if she-”

One hand tilting you up to his eyes again,”How many does she have with her, if you were to guess?”

If this was about Ellie, there was no way she’d be involved. She wasn’t apart of the group, and there weren’t many people who would follow her on a revenge quest for the father instead of towards the girl they thought they finally had in their possession. “Maybe one or two others, besides him.” Your head nodded in the general direction. “Probably looked at a few different areas. Couple other smaller communities in the state that they would have looked at first. Likely didn’t realize anything was wrong until Owen didn’t check back in. Maybe a day away from here or so.”

Joel looked through you as he went over something in his head, you guess you still weren’t that good at reading him. Not knowing what plan he was going over. His eyes met yours finally, dipping down to your lips before slowly dragging them back up. “We’re bigger, means she’s got to be more careful. In other words, you can afford to let me have you for a couple hours. Dead man’s final request and all.”

Your face fell flat along with a weight settling back down in your stomach. “That’s not funny.”

He shrugged one shoulder, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “Is it?” The unamused look on your face still tinged in anxiety had Joel switch gears again. He didn’t find anything funny in joking about you or Ellie that way, so maybe it was fair you didn’t find jokes about him funny either. “Hey, I already told you. I’m not going anywhere. None of us are.”

Biting the inside of your cheek you shifted your eyes off to the side before nodding. Feeling Joel press another kiss to the side of your head as he shoved you towards the hall. “Go, I’ll be right there.”

In his room and in the hall you both lingered on something. Your fingertips trailing over the almost insignificant things on his dresser. Tiny pieces of Joel that if he were gone, wouldn’t really belong there anymore. A thought making you sick to your stomach. You’d rather she come for you, at least they could go back to their regular lives.

Joels own fingers flipping through the pages. Knelt down he quietly had pulled the journal from where it sat close on Ellie’s bed. He let her discover it, he already knew what it would say, just in details that actually mattered.

She went through most of the reactions she could, denial, anger, lashing out before she exhausted herself leaving tears the only energy she had left in her. It tore his chest right open exposing his heart to the cold air. They were the monsters and not only did they want to kill him all for a man who tried to take his own girl’s life but now the delusional lies they told themselves left her feeling betrayed and used.

But it wasn’t just her was it? By some miracle some higher power gave Joel not one, but two things in this nightmare to hold onto. Sometimes it was frustrating, watching you unable to believe what he wanted to give you, but then again he wasn’t much different with Ellie was he?

Ellie pulled him out of a darkness, and Joel had no intention of not doing the same to you. And he knew damn well Ellie felt the same.

Standing in his room, it occurred to you that maybe you should try to be sexy, allure Joel to you or anything like that. You felt stupid though even thinking about where to start or if he would just roll his eyes at you for trying.

The door closing knocked a sense into you, realizing maybe he wanted you to be ready by now you almost flinched back before starting to pull your shirt up. Two large hands however covered yours as he pressed himself behind you. “Doing my job for me.”

Your arms went willingly Joel stopped to pull your bra up over you along with the shirt, dropping it down into a messy pile. He wasted no time in filling his hands up with your breasts, almost kneading the plush skin as your back arched into his chest with a breathless gasp. He didn’t want you like this though, he wanted all of you.

Using his thumb and index finger he tugged slightly at both your nipples letting you choke a moan back as he moved onto the rest of you. His taller figure leaned over you, the once presumed glare narrowing his features now rung in your head as an introspective train of thought, determined in whatever task even with his arms wrapped around your front skillfully undoing the button on your pants.

A shiver ran down your spine as his mouth bent to press a feather light kiss to your neck so he could reach lower, dragging the zipper down and grasp the waistline. Your shivering from the winters cold air still floating through the room, you felt your limbs tingle as he mumbled into your neck, “Be good for me.”

Slowly starting to pull both your pants and underwear down, Joel couldn’t help his greed, pausing to squeeze fistfuls of your ass almost too roughly before continuing to pull them off of you. Before he could do anything else, once you stood bare in front of him, you turned in his hold quickly.

Sudden movement catching him by surprise, it gave you enough time to already start undoing his belt and zipper. Joel’s own plans caught in his mouth at just how easily you made him so unbearably hard just at your small careful hands trying to pull out his cock before he even has properly touched you yet.

He didn’t let you get as far as the faint beginning of you moving your fingers to grasp at his own pants before snatching your hands. Your eyes wide as he held them in the air, his eyes dark with a mocking disapproval. “Now what did I say about being good for me?”

That tingle in your limbs spreading through your heart out into your veins as you bit slightly at your bottom lip at his tone. Your hands fell loose in his grip causing him to switch to approval. Maneuvering you so he now was the one with his back to the bed, he held you at your hips walking you over to the bed.

“Now, are you going to let me do something for you? Something new?” Your eyebrows raised in question, unsure to what he meant. You thought at this point you had done mostly everything or at least knew everything.

Living outside of the walls didn’t exactly foster an environment eager to share or teach the fun side of sex, or you know, it in general in your case. “I-yeah.” Boy, how enthusiastic of you.

Joel only smiled softly though, pulling your chin in to press a soft kiss before pulling you onto the bed with him. Joel the one laying with his back on the sheets, he guided you so your core sat pressed right against the bumpiness that blocked his cock under the open belt. Large warm hands running over and squeezing the plush skin he could grab at watching you slip your fingers to smooth over his stomach under his shirt.

“Come up here, sweetheart.”

You both had two different intentions. One being you assuming he means for a kiss, the other using his strong arms to pull your hips off his clothed cock and up his body. Suddenly your soft touch against his skin turned into a much more urgent press against his chest, “Wait, wait-” Joel kept you in place, but his eyes narrowed in concern at your tone. Your question confusing him somewhat. “What are you doing?”

His tone slow and clear as he worry turned to a bit of confusion. “I’m just trying to taste you, sweetheart. Just like always,”

Your fingers pressed into him more, causing him to sit up slightly as you looked hesitant and even somewhat embarrassed. “But why would I-” Your eyes casted down at anywhere but his face as you put the not so complicated clues together. “Why would you want it that way? Instead of you know, like we usually...” Christ you couldn’t possibly feel less attractive currently.

Joel raised an eyebrow, letting your hips back down without moving you away, his hands now smoothing over your thighs. “Because I really want my mouth on this pussy, sweetheart.”

Your body tensed which he didn’t like at all. “Why would you, I mean wouldn’t you find that...” You hesitated on saying gross, having a feeling that wouldn’t be a word to go over well. “...uncomfortable?”

Joel’s hands squeezed your thighs as his head flopped back down onto the pillow. Unable to stop wondering what kind of encounters you had out there. You genuinely just didn’t know what he was trying to do, looking at him in the most confused innocent way he’s ever seen on you. “Jesus fucking christ, you’re going to kill me.” Barely mumbling under his breathe. Sitting up properly, he maneuvered you into his lap. “We don’t have to do it, but I really fucking want to.”

Your hands tapping at his shoulders, you seemed to drop some of the embarrassment leaving just an uncertainty. “I just don’t get why you’d want to..can’t I just suck your cock?”

Joel’s head dropping down onto your shoulder as he mumbled even more. Sliding his hand between your bodies, he felt a trace of your wetness, using what he could touch to slide up and rub into your clit. “We can do that if you want. Or we can do both at the same time.”

This time you smiled, pulling back with a laugh as he joined keeping you from going too far off in his hold. “Okay that sounds even worse for you.”

He let you get away with it this time. Joel pulled you into his lips, sighing as you let his tongue tease and slide into your mouth as he kissed you. The push and pull of his tongue against yours sending shock waves between your legs adding to what you already knew was making a mess. His kiss and his tongue always making you so lightheaded.

Taking advantage of how lost you got in his kiss, Joel suddenly lurched forward, sending your back to fall against the rest of the bed as he crawled over top of you. Your hands finding their way to rake through his hair as he kissed you more.

Joels hands unable to choose a spot to touch you, from your hips to thighs and back to to teasing your nipples, he tucked his head into your neck once more as he kissed the skin there.

One hand of your leaving his hair, trailing down his broad back to his narrower lower side before sliding under to gently take his cock into your hand. His hands gripping his preexisting hold on your nipples tighter as he groaned. Joel covering your body so much made the angle not easy, but you ran your thumb over hips tip already leaking onto your hand.

In a move that actually caused Joel’s body to jump, you suddenly smoothed your palm all over the tip of his cock, smearing the precum over it before sliding it down the length you could reach. Enough precum on you to fill the air with the slick sounds of his skin with each stroke. Joel moaned into your neck before trying to smother it with biting a mark into it. He was too long and too thick to cover enough even half of his cock, but your grip was tight and strokes fast but steady.

Yanking your head to angle for his mouth, you gripped him tighter in pleasure at how his hold on your hair was so commanding. Biting against your lips this time until you whined in need of a breathe. The feeling of his lips sliding across your cheek to right against your ear. “I want this pussy, not your hand.”

Sliding own he pushed your thighs out to spread enough for his size. Giving you no warning for how quickly he moved his mouth over your clit. His hands never letting go of your spread legs with a bruising strength, his was shameless in how sloppy he was. Licking at your clit only to almost kiss it as he would your actual lips. The same soaked licks moving down to tease at your entrance, to your clit and back.

One hand roughly shoved its way to your mound, pressing the heel of his calm into your clit soaked with you and his own saliva and rubbed short quick strokes. As one knee bent with your gasp, Joel used his free hand to greedily hold the soft skin of your waist before licking into you feverishly.

Your back arched off the bed as a shock stabbed through you, sending a fiery pleasure into every stretch of your nerves. He licked into you with no cohesive pattern or approach, just drinking from you like a man starved for only one need. His rubbing into your clit lost in your wetness form how little he moved away from it, but deep in Joel he knew the slight burn of drier friction on your clit yanked cries from you.

Your orgasm suddenly hit you with a force, “Oh fuck, Joel-” A white hot train flowing from your clit and soaked right into Joel who only added to the feeling as he moaned into your pussy. His grip already so tight he’d be able to see bruises once he was done with you.

He never let up, “Fuck, baby.” Mumbling to himself as he licked more inside of you, letting his hand slide down to gather more from your core he realized just how unbelievably soaked you were. His tongue grazing up against a sensitive wall inside of you, he gave you zero time to calm down.

The wet rubs of two fingers against your clit, harsh pushing and tight strokes the wet sounds filling the air alongside how relentless he tasted you. Your hands tightly grasping the sheets just above your head as your whole lower half arched closer to his mouth.

Your heart beat widely out of your chest as the pleasure coiled inside of you without ever letting you recover from the sudden burst of your first orgasm. Your legs shook as he kept them bent by the knee, feet flat on the sheets as they were spread as far as he could manage.

You didn’t even realize when one hand left your hip, his grip so tight it held a phantom sting in its departure. Joel’s own hips lifting up enough to start shoving his jeans down as far as he could manage without leaving your cunt.

The groan vibrating through your body as he finally was free down to his knees and pressed his cock into the sheets adding to whatever mess he was pulling from you. You didn’t have words this time, just high pitched gasps and desperate attempts at his name that were interrupted by sharp jolts of pleasure almost bordering on pain.

The flying burn of your orgasm this time felt like a flood passing the bloodstream. A needing warmth engulfing you as the white noise in your ears turned out whatever was passing by Joel’s lips. You missed it the first time, and now the second time.

Joel didn’t realize it either. He knew exactly the feeling and why it made him take you with such a lack of control but neither of you were in the state of mind that night to hear it.

You had just barley felt the final shocks of pleasure as Joel pulled from you. His face twisted close to a snarl as he impatiently pulled his jeans off the rest of the way. Grabbing the back of his shirts collar and throwing it beyond sight.

His chest leading to such a soft stomach made his thick cock stand out between his legs. You touched the skin over his chest near his heart, but Joel couldn’t handle such a soft touch. Not right now. He couldn’t lay there and let himself feel your gentleness without something in his heart snapping. Instead, Joel yanked up your hips and sunk his cock into your folds.

Your name moaned from his mouth, “Fuck, don’t- oh fuck.” You hadn’t come down yet, aftershocks of your orgasm overwhelmed your system as you felt his thick cock sliding into you. Clenching around him without trying to tease, you were still soaking his cock from your orgasms.

Joel buried his face into your neck. One hand fisted into the sheets beside your head as he closed his eyes. Your arms wrapped around his neck, you paused mid motion as your rang your hands through the ends of his hair as one arm wrapped around your waist to keep himself tucked inside you but strong enough to keep you from moving.

It actually took a bit before Joel tempered whatever aggression was overwhelming him. He wanted to do this for you, but now your touch, your cunt, your soft lips always speaking and pressing so sweetly against his? It tugged at his heart just as much as he took over all of your senses.

The grip on your hair tempered down to cupping the back of your head. Joel moving to consume you in a less rough kiss, but the damage was already done to your swollen bitten lips. The plumpness just like his own without the greedy teeth markings.

Your heart slowing down, but somehow still hard enough to feel in your chest at his touch. Joel pulled away, tracing his nose along yours. “Turn around for me, sweet girl.”

Joel gently shushing comfortingly at you at your whine when he pulled out. But you complied. Joel’s mouth was open, panting as his hands clenched beside him watching you go willingly move to your hands and knees. But that’s not the closeness either of you truly needed.

You sighed at how much more gentle his touch was, moving you up to kneel your back against his chest just like earlier. His cock slid between your thighs, already soaked as it teased between your folds. “Just like that, I’ve got you.”

One of your arms reaching behind to find a tender home in his now messy hair, while the other laid flat against the arm wrapping around your stomach. “Please,” You leaned your head against his shoulder as Joel rubbed your stomach and hip with his free hand. His brown eyes bright and so much less of a dark lust, replaced with a soft almost desperateness. “I want to feel you. Please? I can still take it, I just want you inside of me.”

You felt so one note in your brain, but Joel dealt the killing blow when he pressed his lips to yours. Not rough, or commanding, just soft kisses that he struggled to part from. Finally moving to grip his cock, he pulled away and turned your head to look down.

Joel slid his cock inside of you, not spending a moment to stop and let you adjust to his size. Just one smooth stroke that didn’t thrust into you too fast until you were sat totally full of his cock. “Always slide so well into you,”

Your eyes squeezing shut at the sight, his cock was so thick watching it slide deep inside you was too much to handle. Your head leaned back against him, lungs stuttering at how drastic he was handling you now compared to mere minutes ago.

Joel held you tightly against him, burying his face into your neck and shoulder as he started to finally slide his cock almost out of you. Your whimper at the prospect of him leaving you empty poking at something distressing in your mind.

You weren’t sure he ever kept up a pace this slow. Your pussy so tight and wet around his cock, making the sounds of him pulling and pushing his cock in and out so much louder. How much you’ve already cum so much more obvious as he moaned into your shoulder.

You couldn’t tell anyone how long you were there. Knelt back against his chest as his cock fucked into you, not even hard enough to call it thrusting. Your chest felt so constricted yet filed with a warmth that would be cozy if his cock wasn’t sliding right up against such a sensitive wall inside of you.

Inside of you this time the coil was just a slow and calm. But the addition of how tight he already pushed your orgasm too had this build up flutter around you. It just slipped from your lips, the brave face you tried to fake in front of him, in front of everyone crumbled with his squeezing hands and slow slide of his cock inside of you. Something deep in your heart plead. “Stay with me, please. God, Joel- stay with me.”

Your eyes were shut and Joels arms held you tighter. His jaw clenching, teeth gritted as his breaths came out in rasping pants. He pressed his lips into your neck and whatever part of your jaw he couch reach. “Always, sweet girl. I’ve got you. I’m not going anywhere. “

Even as his cock throbbed inside of you as your walls clenched around him, as the burning orgasm threatened to overtake you once more, it all mixed together as you just whispered his name. The drag of his cock along the sensitive walls of your cunt pushed tears from your eyes.

Gasps and breathless pleas let go of the stinging tears behind your eyes and cried down your cheeks as one final loud and wet push of his cock inside of you had whatever hold you had on him dig your nails into his skin.

Your orgasm pulling a gasping sob from you. Just one, but loud enough in Joel’s ears to cover your mouth as your pleasure sung into his hand. Joel couldn’t take it any longer. His cock so desperate to burst, he moaned into your neck and finally came.

Your pussy fluttering around him, as his cum spilled inside of you. Thick and to both of you, never ending. He came inside of you more then he could remember, filling you with warm cum that didn’t stop the tears of your need.

By the time you both came down, you had dropped more then Joel had thought. Your eyes barley open, as your struggled to catch your breathe. Weak nods to his questions, asking if you were with him, what you needed, weak thank yous to him just saying how perfect you fit him.

He shushed in your ear when he pulled out, never letting both hands off of you and his lips somewhere close to yours. You both laid in bed for a while, both your bare, sweat covered bodies, your lower half a little more wet with cum then what he didn’t bother cleaning from his cock. He held you with his nose pressed into your hair waiting for you to come down before he even thought of getting up to clean you off.

Your mind was fuzzy and your face felt the aftermath of tears but none of it had any regret. Your eyes were closed, fine with coming down in his arms as you faced one another. Slowly ready to peel your eyes open, you noticed he wasn’t at your eye level, his face in your hair. His breathing enough confirmation he hadn’t fallen asleep.

You burned between your legs, the mix of rough and soft kept the memory of his thick throbbing cock inside of you. You knew you were covered in cum between your thighs but you didn’t have any reason to want to get rid of it anytime soon.

You did however ask to do something Joel ignored. Smirking, you suddenly left his gentle pressed arms, down his body. He flipped onto his back reflexively to see what you were doing, before hissing out.

Licking the tip of his cock before sinking down around the rest. His cock now soft but it still was coated in your orgasm and his cum. Joels moans were stuttering and needy as he cupped the back of your head, still bobbing up and down his length sucking him until his chest was ready to explode. He called your name in warning along with more strings of swearing through hissed teeth, “Jesus fucking christ, baby”, but you already were slowing down the second it bordered too overwhelming for him.

Your mouth sliding down to press your nose into the coarse dark hair around his cock, before very slowly sliding back, making sure his cock didn’t leave you until you had sucked him clean. Only fair he gets even the slightest idea of how overstimulated he so greedily made you.

Sliding him gently out of your mouth you went to come back up to his level. Your hand cupped his soft length now resting between his legs before your palm moving to his stomach. Chest, and the cupping the side of his face as you rubbed your thumb along his facial hair.

Joel chuckled deeply in his chest, pulling your face to his with fingers pulling your chin as he kissed you. Pushing you back into the sheets with half his body over you as you shared a gentle kiss. “You are such a goddamn brat.”

You smiled back, letting his tongue tease yours as you tried to find breathes into between the kiss. “Maybe. Just for you though.”

He nuzzled his nose against yours then pressed a kiss to it. He didn’t say it, he so badly wanted to say it but so much of his emotions came out in times like this. He wanted to tell you in quiet peace, make sure you understand your heart belongs to him for the rest of his life. Telling you now, he didn’t want to risk you thinking it was just to keep you calm or not upset.

Neither of you realizing he’s already said it twice this very evening.

Only one of those times did it reach someones brain, but to their dismay, it was neither of you who even heard what came out of his own mouth.

You spoke quietly into the night. Joel on his back as he kept his arms around you to rest on his chest. Sometimes you sat up enough to look at him properly, ensuring you both understood the plans, backup plans, and what might be the safest option. At least for in his home, in a town of innocent people.

You needed Joel, but Joel needed you like he never even wanted from anyone else before. The concept of a deep need in his heart to keep a woman like you close in his arms like a lifeline would have been foreign not long ago. But then again, meeting Ellie changed a lot about what was going on in Joel’s head and heart.

You took your time joining the two of them that morning. Still balancing intruding on what was no doubt an emotional time between those two, and wondering exactly what Ellie would even see you as.

Joel for his part was as normal as possible, with an underlying closeness both he and Ellie stuck to each other with with a different kind of silent intensity. You did tell him your news would be the actually hurtful one. Ellie stopped moving her fork the second you turned the corner, a stare that almost felt judging but the slightest softening as she sniffed and forced her face impassive.

Sensing Joel watching her carefully, Ellie glanced up at his flat expression with one eyebrow raised. Her own face falling just as flat. “What? I already used my crying quota for the week. And I’m not getting it all over my eggs either.”

It wasn’t enough to jostle her, but Joel nudging the side of her head lightly before sharing a more serious glance with you. His eyes nodded over to a drawer in the counter, watching you for as long as he could follow. Neither of you wanting to make a scene about it in front of Ellie.

Watching the their backs as you silently wrapped the your knife sheath around your waist, quickly covering it purposely with one of Joel’s jackets that sat just blow it on your thigh. He had taken it upon himself to sharpen your usual knife for you, not before stopping of course to comment on how shit it looked. Words of praise towards your equipment he was full of.

You had found yourself alone with Owen when Joel was distracted. Ellie prompted out of the house from a Maria that gave Joel a knowing look. He had stopped by earlier to talk to them, and she agreed to keep Ellie out with her, purposely around a decent amount of people.

A spark of need inside your heart telling you that he at least deserved water. He didn’t say much, but his eyes spoke for him. A surprise at being given any hospitality.

Almost ending up giving him an entire bottle, you watched him with one hand hovering somewhat near his face. Looking between the water and his face, you tilted your head as you considered if you were willing to ignore the part of you that people like him tried to deprive you of. “If I take that off of you,” using your free hand to gesture to his gag, “Are you going to stay quiet?”

Owen seemed exhausted, nodding his head almost lazily as your chest raised in a deep breathe. “You make any noise, this time I’m just going to stuff it right into your mouth.” There wasn’t much in the way of conviction in your voice, but as you slowly untied the gag he made no sound aside from catching his breath.

Flipping the bottle against the cloth, you let it soak for a while on the cleanest side where it sat at the back of his head.

Silence, Joel was used too. He lived in it, too much of it for a long time even. Even through the turmoil in his head, the quiet still helped him stay clear. Listening to any hint of a sound and knowing how to react to it.

Probably why he didn’t search for you when he found himself seemingly alone in the house. If he had one distraction it was you, and an unshakable need to make sure he could hear or see your every step. The past few weeks had really set that tendency in motion. But he needed silence. And he heard it break.

Getting the jump on him outside in the world was one thing, but this was his territory. Somewhere he could sense the slightest thing out of place. Joel just raised two hands slightly in the air. He knew it could be a variety of possibilities behind him, so he played ball. For now. “You really think I can’t tell when someone’s in my own home?”

“Just turn around. Slowly.”

Joel expected something not quite what he saw. Dark eyes and angry, willing to do anything for that ravaging vengeance inside. But no. The woman behind him wasn’t quite that. As if it was what she wanted to put on but there was an uncertainty in her eyes that made him narrow his. Her face was tense, looking over him with her arm outstretched as much as she could. Either keeping the gun as close to him as possible, or wanting to keep as much distance from him.

“You live here?”

Joel’s eyes darkened more at the woman. “You sure don’t.”

“Just answer the question, you live here right? With a girl? Fucking, what’s her name, Ellie?”

Sometimes anger worked in favour of the advantage, but not against him. Joel mastered the art of anger as motivation and there wasn’t a single second ever again did he want any of her kind of people saying that girls name. His face steeled at her, hands up almost just for show at this point. “Keep her name out of this. I think we both know who you’re looking for.”

A realization dawned on her, and it only pissed her off that much more that he was having no reaction of fear. “You’re him right?” Joel cocked an eyebrow but nothing more. “The hospital, that was you right? You’ve got the girl, after everything you’ve done I can’t imagine you’d dump her off somewhere. People usually don’t ditch people they’ve murdered innocent people for.”

Her own teeth started to grit as she spat her words out with eyes no doubt growing red. “You in the habit of cutting open a fucking child and calling yourself a good person for it?”

Shaking her head, Joel could hear how hard she was trying to keep her breathing under control, her fingers on the gun twitching slightly and not from any kind of trigger fingers. “No right, you had no fucking right he was a goddamn person-”

Joel’s hands started to lower, and yet it didn’t make her any more confident. The twitch turned into what looked like her hand shaking. “And she’s my daughter.”

She shook her head, eyes falling in darkness to something much more complicated. “So what you get your daughter and I have to loose my own father for it? Fucking..people like you...”

No doubt this was a plan much more confident in theory, because Joel risked a step forward as his face twisted more into something of anger she took a step back. Readjusting her aim with an unsteady arm.

“Put your hands back up,”

They remained just barley by his sides, “You think I’m gonna reach for something? ‘Cus trust me you even think about pulling that trigger and I’ll make sure you regret it.”

Whatever laugh she let out was weak, but the tense look one could mistaken for crazed told a thousand different emotions. “I’m not stupid, I know you don’t have a fucking weapon on you.”

The one he thought was in the room wasn’t. Getting caught off guard by her after getting caught off guard by it’s lack of presence. Ellie didn’t always put things in the right place after she tries to sneak them away. His voice was low, even, and absolute that it made her hair stand on end. “You really think I need a gun to kill you?”

You don’t remember Grady being particularly smart. Loyal, good at following orders but missing the basic function of checking a corner. Crouching as he snuck into the room, he could see Owen knelt on the floor, blood on his face, chest, hands and a swollen eye as even his gag was blood soaked. What he didn’t see was you.

One arm suddenly wrapped around his face, the fabric of it’s jacket shoved to muffle his voice as the other hand pressed a cold metal to the bottom of his head right at his chin. Unlike the shaky arm holding a similar gun at Joel, you had the advantage of having yours at least pressed right against the mans head. Grady didn’t feel the shake in your bones behind the straining muscle.

Moving him closer to the open door, your heart pounded so harshly that you could throw up from the shaking pressure it put on you. You could hear her yelling, and a dangerously low cadence from Joel, but she was getting louder and angrier.

And while you had this one and a knife strapped to your side, Joel’s gun sat tucked behind your back only realizing whoever touched it last, didn’t put it where Joel had clearly expected to grab it before being snuck up on.

He was bigger, stronger then her. But if she shot first then it didn’t matter how much Joel could overpower her. She was yelling more, and so did your limbs shake. You were supposed to help have this under control, but she was looking for blood and Joel’s own gun wasn’t in his hand.

“Give me one good reason I shouldn’t shoot you dead right now you fucking bastard-” Joel must have said something in response, “Her dad for my dad it’s only fair,”

You couldn’t stand there, you couldn’t let him deal with her on his own. You push an already aggressive dog to the edge, then she’s just going to go for the throat because she can. Plan B it was. Despite not knowing what that entailed.

A hallway door was kicked open, and following right out was a man Joel didn’t recognize but by the confused anger on her face, she did. Deep down Joel wished the voice was Tommy. There was no hesitation the man could handle himself, and didn’t make Joel feel cold and petrified at having to involve you in this more.

But you rang a warning shot at a higher part of the wall that had the woman jump in startle. What followed though, was a reaction that in a way reminded him of you. Likely an ironic association, because all that it took was you yell out who you were. Her eyes widened as the hand pointed right at Joel trembled. A washing devastation that surpassed mere surprise, something she didn’t expect and neither had Owen.

The man on the floor pressed himself up against the wall in fear as did a new unsettling emotion come over the woman in front of Joel. But you piled onto something that just dug deeper,

Your voice almost a shout that shook in what Joel felt in his heart a terrified urgency. “You know who I am Abby, and what I’ll do to Owen and Grady if you don’t bring Joel to me.”

Whatever intimidation she felt from a man she considered a monster, Abby’s entire being shook. Her gun was on Joel but she could barley keep her eyes on him or on Grady just looking at her desperately for help. This wasn’t a normal fear, almost one that was like seeing a ghost she could only hear.

Her yell back was a rasping screech as she morphed her features into too much to keep up with. “You do anything, and I swear to god-” She’d what? Shoot the man in front of her and set you lose on her?

You needed to scare her. Swallow the dizzying sickness in your head and the bile from eating at your chest. You couldn’t take the chance of her first instinct to act at Joel before you did hers.

You shook as you pointed the gun at Grady, but you were hidden behind the wall from her sight, and the sting in your eyes couldn’t be used against you. Blood splattered all over the wall behind Grady's head, the booming shot and painted red had Abby flinch back.

Joel didn’t move. A deep seeded anger at who his life was at the expense of burned his soul, but he didn’t dare risk letting it happen. If Abby was going to shoot, it sure as hell wouldn’t be at him or his own.

In barley a second, you holstered the gun so quick it could have missed and dropped to the floor. The knife at your side flew into your hand, gripping tight as you hauled Owen over in front of you, your knife pressed so much to his throat he made the most inaudible squawks of protest at the sharpness.

Hauling him up partially on his feet, you pressed with better leverage. “Your boys next Abby- give him to me,” Your voice yelled, so loud it scratched your throat at the strain. It was violent and angry, and you only wished it made you feel it too. Instead you stood, braced against the wall with a knife keeping Owens battered self in your threat as your soul kept shaking and holding back the sting in your eyes.

Abby’s jaw clenched as she swore, her yell echoing down the halls. “Fuck- okay.”

It was the only choice for you and her. She wanted Owen back, and you needed Joel. A conflict in her eyes as she looked between the man now slumped over in the hall, and the darkness in a pair of eyes she never truly prepared herself to face properly.

Abby’s eyes peeled off the sightless body to the open air between it and the door. “We make a trade. I bring him to you, I get Owen back and we leave. Got it?”

You looked to the side, knowing nothing was out the view you could see out the door anyways. “You touch him in anyway and I slit this throat. Got it?”

One request was shouted back. “Toss the gun.”

It wasn’t even a second later the gun banged far out on the wooden floor. You it turned out, weren’t the only one with a shaking fear of losing their companion. There wasn’t a soul in that house didn’t radiate that very perilous fear. Joel looked at Abby with his features sharp and penetrating. Her other hand having to rise up and join her hold on the gun just to keep it aimed at him. “This isn’t over you understand me?”

Abby didn’t appear to know what scared her more. The threat of death you held at Owens throat, or just how terrifyingly cold Joel’s unblinking expression didn’t move from. This was supposed to be easy, kill some guy who shot her father for no reason. But standing here, motioning for him to walk slowly towards the hall? It was made clear that you and Joel weren’t regular people, and this was exposing itself to be something she didn’t remotely prepare for.

It felt like agony standing there, each creak of the floorboard screaming in the terse silence the only indication of life. Owen’s blood was seeping into your clothes and staining your skin at this point and there was next to nothing holding back the pressure behind your eyes.

You wanted to be someone else. Someone brave, a person others would look at and say is some kind of fighter, someone a kid like Ellie would amusingly call a bad ass. But you stood holding a man at knife point trading his life for the man you love didn’t make you feel brave. Just scared. Scared beyond whatever danger you had been alone in the past, and sick to your stomach that it took up until now for you to feel brave enough to even think that word.

They were outside the door, but you shook. Grip on the knife so tight you might have started hurting your own palm with the tight grip as you were hurting Owen’s neck with the blade. The bravery wasn’t even in your voice. “Joel first.”

“Show me him. Let me see him.”

You were done paying any kind of hero or savior. Instead just tearing the knife away and shoving Owen enough that he stumbled onto the ground. Hands behind his back still too bound to steady him.

Joel was handed over first. Whatever passed between them unknown to you until a tidal wave hit your heart as you both reached for the other the second he came in view. Joel’s own expression harsh, nostrils flared as his rage was barley contained in his bones. His warm hands gripping your forearms as he looked at a watering overflow of something grander then fear pass your face as you looked him over for anything hurt.

He cupped one of your cheeks as you took a deep breathe. Joel’s eyes narrowed in question, and you nodded. Hoping the shaking breathe you let you was only audible to one. His hand keeping your touch as it wasn’t leaving one of your wrists, almost keeping your mind back at his side as you turned the corner.

Neither of you looked like the visage of bravery your actions spoke. Neither of you even tried. Abby’s eyes widened with a taken back sort of shock as she looked at you. A name she kept hearing and denying, but your face that of what she long remembered as a memory. A bite sharp on your arm before watching your gun raise as she fell back to the ground.

She lived, and kept trying to deny that you could have either. But you both looked at each other, as she held her own gun to you. Resting one side against the door frame just to keep it steady, while your own hand kept the knife painfully tight.

Joel stood behind you, and you felt him pull up your jacket slightly, resting the fabric to expose what you had hidden away behind you. Abby was staring at you and you back, she didn’t even see Joel’s hands moving near your back.

Her words slurred together, teeth bordering on gritting from the force. “Give him to me.”

Joel squeezed your arm holding the knife. Don’t move was his touch. Abby’s gaze continued to plaster all over you, and yours taking her person in, in a capacity she couldn’t possibly even guess now. Blood ringing in your ears hearing the shuffling behind you. Abby kept it on you now, a woman much more a fighter unable to tear her attention away from how entangled your lives became.

Your own eyes stung. Unable to move or blink, looking at the very thing that confused you. Was her being here what scared you, or how very real losing the one thing that brought you to a purpose was becoming?

As soon as Joel slightly pushed Owen, Abby snatched him with one arm and yanked him to her side, Owen barley keeping himself up despite his hands now free. Joel having undone them bringing him over. But as soon as he was out of his hand, he reached for your back once more. His arm smoothly pulling the gun, and now aiming it at Abby. She didn’t just try to kill him, now she had her gun pointing at you and it was pushing Joel to an edge he was close to forcing you to let him fall off.

His instincts were quicker then hers, and he dared her to end it the smarter way, as opposed to joining the mess on the walls behind her.

Her eyes flickered between the two of you, mind racing with questions not even she could understand at that moment. You weren’t supposed to be here, this wasn’t even about you. Blind to what kind of people she walked in on, she just looked at you and Joel unable to land on what to do.

You could feel something vile rising in your throat, just as unable to grasp what was unfolding in front of you. Abby had no right to make this about Joel. Either she knew the truth and lost herself beyond the capacity of her own humanity, or she was left in the dark and didn’t care to turn the lights on herself. A fact you couldn’t feel okay with. Your voice was mostly just a whisper once you found the strength to push something forward. “This is really just about your father?”

You didn’t need to hear the answer to that. You already knew by a confused pain in her eyes. Not understanding what else this could possibly be over. To her it was almost a taunt, her failure she was able to see through, but to you? A memory that no longer felt pushed away. A truth that was fighting tooth and crawl to attack you at your door.

Owen leaned against her exhausted and bloody. Lowering her gun she glanced down to your arm, it was covered and there was nothing to see though. Remaining you a ghost.

Her gaze flicked to Joel’s own aim, no shake or tremble to be found. Don described nothing more then some guy had done it, but the inflamed emotions boiling behind Joel’s eyes wasn’t the story she had been sold on. So they ran. Slamming open a back door you not to long ago ran out of just as harshly, also running from these very people but for drastically different reasons.

You didn’t register Tommy or Maria coming in, you only had the capacity to feel Joel pull you into his chest. One arm wrapped tightly around your stomach as you finally leaned back into him. Your eyes squeezing shut, you felt Joel gently take your knife from your fingers and put it back in it’s sheath as he spoke to Tommy.

You grabbed the wrist that wasn’t around you, holding it just as he did when he first came back to you still needing him to ground you to the floor. These weren’t two worlds ever meant to mix. This was supposed to be a solace for him and a breather for you, but you combined your lives and now stood a mess painted with the looming of blood.

Was this your fault? And if not why couldn’t you have done something to actually end this?

You thought back to the night you and Joel opened up to each other. How the worst emotion you felt was finding out how Tommy blabbed about your feelings for him by the very man you had the such a humiliating crush on. How letting him in was so scary to you back then.

Would all of this have happened anyways? Or was letting him kiss you that night, pull you into his arms and he yours forever entangling your hearts in ways new to both of you the catalyst?

If this was all your fault, would Joel end up despising you for not fixing this?

#joel miller x reader #joel miller x female reader #joel miller x you #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller imagine #joel miller fic #joel miller fanfic #joel miller fanfiction #the last of us imagine

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adventuringblind · 7 months

Text

Drive With You Forever

Chapter fifteen: Figuring it Out

Max Verstappen x Charles Leclerc x Lando Norris x Reader x Oscar Piastri

Chapter summary: The reader has a dream, books are burned, the reader gets sick again, but the doctors are nice this time!

Warnings: Every form of abuse is depicted in this story. Sickness, vomiting, fever, nightmares, panic attacks, graphic description of SA, child SA, Rape, unconsenual medical procedures, mild implied SH,

Notes: This is so long. I couldn't find a good stopping point, so I just kept going...

Previous <-

Masterlist

Why is everything so blurry?

The lights are swimming and she can't seem to find her footing. They world beauty her seeming to sway.

She blinks away the feeling, looking to find her center and figure out what’s going on.

“…test number six hundred and thirty four…” says a muffled voice from somewhere in front of her. A familiar voice at that. She hauls herself of the ground as her vision begins to clear up.

She’s still in the basement. Where did everyone else go? She scans the room in search of any sign that their comfort is near.

Her panic increases as she can’t see them. Her chest becomes heavy at the thought of being trapped here once again.

Then she sees his face. For a moment she locks eyes with him, but he passes right by here without a thought.

He keeps circling her wooden box of a bed. She must be in someone’s memory. She would says it’s her own but she doesn’t remember this. Or she does and she just locked in away.

She knew she was unconscious or incoherent enough that she could never quite tell what was happening aside from the feelings. Normally, pain. Sometimes, there were differences in textures. Occasionally, hands.

He’s working in her unconscious body. He sticks her body with all sorts of things she cannot name.

She doesn’t want to be here for this. She doesn’t want to see herself go through this. Feel those things again.

She runs runs up the stairs only to find herself back in the basement room.

There are so many people here. All of them dressed in odd looking costumes. It almost looks like a Halloween party but if the theme was pilgrims.

She sees her unconscious body again. This time layer out in the middle of the floor, bare for everyone to see.

Why are they taking turns touching her in such a way? Was the feeling of hands never just her fathers?

She feels sick. She thought the first time her body had gone through such a thing was the Max. It was different then. He was gentle and kind and he constantly asked if she was okay.

Again she makes an attempt at an escape. Again she find herself in the same room in a memory that’s not her own. Her father has been here in every single one. She assumes that it’s his memory, his connection to her amplified by her wooden coffin.

She’s sitting in the box, playing with strands of light that dance out of her fingertips. She looks at herself and there is no recognition. Her eyes are hazy and the motions feel robotic.

She’d always hated waking from these trances he’d put her in. No memory of what she’d done.

“It’s not enough! Why can’t I amplify your power?” He growls. He’s lankier in this memory then he was when he came to the paddock. His face less wrinkly and no grey hairs in sight. She must have been about ten if she remembered his appearance correctly.

Another man comes down the stares but her past self makes no movement.

“If she can’t bear a child we’ll be finished.” The figure is cloaked in darkness. His voice echoes through the room.

“I’m aware.” Her father spits.

“We need their power if we want to continue living.”

Living? She wondered at times how her father seemed to have knowledge beyond his years. The stories he’d shared about how her mother kept him young she thought was nothing more then a myth.

They are exploiting her. They need her. They need her body and power to continue to keep their supposed immortality.

How is that even possible.

“I’ve managed to make the constraints less.”

“Show me.”

She assumes that whoever this dark shadowy figure is, is in charge.

She watches as a rotten apple it placed in front of her unresponsive body. She still makes no move. Not even a sound.

“Fix it.”

Her past self obeys the command and lets the light dance around the the apple. It begins curling itself around the shape. She can feel the warmth through her own skin.

It’s beautiful in a way. How the light moves and repairs.

This time the memory fades away. The room shifting into something unfamiliar. She’d never see this place before.

It’s a wooden building. It feel hollow and smells of mildew. The men from before are once again dressed up, but they all look different.

They are doing what they did to her. Their terrible ritual. The women’s body in the center is unconscious, but she looks far different from her mother.

Aside from the hair. She’d seen picture of her mother. Their hair practically identical and now this woman’s is as well.

They take her apart as well. It's strange how they drink the crimson leaking from her. Her father was a human as far as she was aware. So why were these people acting like vampires?

Something, a woman’s voice, warm and kind, tells her to watch these men. Each one that takes instantly becomes younger. Any hints of wrinkles gone. Their hair becomes full and vibrant.

Then the scene vanishes.

Everything is dark and she doesn’t want to be alone in it.

The voice calls her further in, and she wastes no time sprinting towards it. The abyss seems to never end.

The voice gets louder as a ghostly figure comes into view. It’s familiar and it’s kind.

It’s her mother.

She halts in front of it. Just an arms length away.

“I can feel that you’re frightened. There is no need to fear me.”

“But you died.” Her voice is shaky and confused. She feels so small in comparison to the figure.

“It’s a connection we all share.”

“What are we?”

“Witches I suppose. Maybe a deity of some kind.” She shrugs. “You’ve been so strong to face this alone.” The ghost reaches to touch, and she finds herself leaning into it. It’s not cold but comforting.

“How were you making them younger?”

“It’s something inside us. Some drink out blood, others use sex, and when strong enough, it can even come from just a touch with someone you have a strong connection with.” She explains.

“What about my other powers then? Could you do that too?”

“That, unfortunately, was your fathers doing. The healing comes from your bloodline, the rest is something I don’t understand.” She sighs with a hint if exasperation. “I’m sorry, that I haven’t been there. You’ve managed to suppress more then I would’ve imagined.”

“I’m sorry I killed you.” Her eyes find her feet. The shame of why she is this way creeping back in.

The ghost leans down to her. “That was not your fault. That could’ve never been your fault and there wasn’t anything you could do to stop it. We’re not immune to death.”

She feels herself being dragged away and into the void. “No!” She screams. “Don’t leave me!”

The ghost reaches out to her one last time and kisses her forehead. She feels an energy she’s never had before flowing through her veins. It’s not scary though, it’s welcoming. “I’ve always been here and I’m not going anywhere.”

She can’t even register the tears as she falls into the void. The once welcoming feeling now morphing into the ones she felt earlier.

Hands. Needles. Whispers. Breaths. Knives. Teeth.

An endless fall into the fear she knows so well.

Lando is still awake despite everyone’s best attempts to get him to sleep. He’d been awake for almost twenty four hours. His eyes are heavy and he wants to succumb to sleep so badly, but he can’t. His mind refuses to stop thinking about every possibility.

This is why he’s able to react to the ear-piercing scream so quickly. While everyone else is stumbling around, he’s taking the stairs by two. Hanna told them to stay out of the room and let her rest meaning they were stuck in the downstairs room.

Of course Seb is at the door before him.

Seb opens in and Lando is bounding over to the distressed female. Her hands are clawing at her own skin to the point she’s drawing blood. Her eyes are screwed shut and her legs are trying to move her away from something even though she’s not getting far. Eventually she hits the headboard.

“Y/N, it’s me, open your eyes please love your safe now.” He whispers. It comes out shaky because he’s distressed but he knows he needs to keep himself as calm as possible.

Seb stands at the side of one of the beds. She’s feeling for an exit and will fall off if she keeps it up. He lets Lando soothe her. His whispers helping the screams to die out.

The other three appear in the door as well. Only for a few seconds though before they’ve dispersed to grab things.

Finally Lando coax’s her into opening her eyes. She’s still rubbing at her skin, clawing lines into it, but she sees him. “There you are.” He smiles at her. Her breathing is still massively uneven, but she lets him get a little closer. “Can I come over to you?”

She just stares at him. Then she just breaks into sobs. Her body freezing in its place as she attempts to curl even further into herself.

Whether she wants it or not, Lando is crawling own to her. Pulling her body into his chest and protectively wrapping him arms around her. She did this for him too. It’s where he learned it actually. She told him that ‘sometimes when we want to make ourselves small, it’s nice to have someone much to protect us’ so they all did it for each other.

She had no mercy on her skin and he’s thankful when Max comes in with bandages.

She starts trying to flail her body and fight them as they get them on her. Lando is constantly reassuring her through the whole ordeal.

Charles is the one to suggest music. Another noise for her to focus on while they try and get her cleaned up. He throws on his recorded piano songs that she’d taken pride in watching him create.

She does relax at the sound. Reduced to just choked sobs now.

Seb had to go check on his own children. They’d woken to the sound and had worried. He’d gone to reassure them with Hanna that everything is going to be alright with their sister.

She tires herself out in Lando’s arms. No tears left to cry despite her body attempting. “I remember." She croaks.

All of them freeze. They don’t push her to continue but they attempt to get comfortable. She uncurls herself but still clings to Lando like her life depends on it.

Oscar is drowsy from having his sleep interrupted and Lando can clearly see it on his face. His head goes into Charles’ lap and the Monegasque looks down at him endearingly.

Max is across from her but holding hands with the Monegasque like he’d been doing since Charles started trying to close himself off.

“Take whatever time you need, chéri.”

She has yet to look at any of them completely. Her face still mostly hidden in Lando’s shirt. “I’m sorry.”

They all look at her confused. Then at each other for some sign that one of them know why she would apologize. Then back to her with no answers.

“Why are you apologizing?” Lando whispers into her hair.

Her nails attempt to find her skin again but Max catches her in the act. He now sets himself beside her and lets the girl play with his fingers. Charles slips off a couple of his rings for him. She’d been fascinated with them and messed with them to keep her hands busy.

Her hands did it without Max even having to guide her. Though the rings don’t fit anywhere but his pinky.

“Do you remember Max, when you took me when is was just us two. Still no idea Charles would be joining us in a month and completely clueless?”

“Yes, it was a miracle I lasted as long as I did. How could I ever forget that.” He smiles at her.

She inhales shakily. “You weren’t the first.” She confesses. All four of them now understand what she’s meaning. They’d seen the videos. Why someone would ever record that was beyond them. They planned to burn the laptop if and when she said the could.

She looks directly at him now. “I feel gross.” The empty tear ducts only leave her with small drops of liquid. “I feel violated and like I’ve lied to all of you.”

“You have done nothing wrong here. You are a victim.” Max stops her before she can get any farther. “What they did to you was wrong and unforgivable.”

“We found videos and images on his laptop, amour. We saw.”

Lando can feel her starting to hyperventilate again as she struggles to get out of his hold. “We skipped anything that had you in it. It made us all sick and we couldn’t do that to your privacy. We did listen to your fathers monologues though.”

She instantly calmed down again. Her hands once again finding the rings on Max’s fingers.

“There so much more. Everything that I am. Everything I can do.” She hold her hands up for them to see and the mesmerizing glowing lights appear once more. “I’d forgotten about this. It’s beautiful. And it’s completely mine.”

“What do you mean by completely yours?” Oscar asks with a yawn. He’s exhausted but still trying to remain present for her.

“I saw memories of those who came before me. I’m some sort of magical being I think and it’s been passed down for generations. The healing and gift of immortality is mine. That’s from my bloodline. Everything else is the work of my father in order to expand on that trait and bring my mother back.” She explains. Even though the story is tragic, she seems at piece with knowing. Like she able to understand herself better now.

“Immortality?”

“My bloody and body heal. It has the ability to give back someone’s youth. That’s why they need me back, they’re aging now.” Once again, the feeling of hands crawls around her skin. She shivers lightly and tries to keep herself grounded.

“I couldn’t control it before now. My father had to go through extensive procedures before I could be of use to them. It’s like I turned it off. But I have it now if I want it. Or if I’m unconscious, I suppose.”

“We want to burn the laptop and some of the journals if you’ll allow us.” Proposes the Brit. He’s not sure that she’ll. Say yes, it maybe the comfort of the idea will help her to stay calm.

“Can we do it now?”

Seb and Hanna meet them outside at the fire pit. The kids once again tucked away into bed.

The fire is already raging. Books and computer in hand.

“They tried to burn us. Maybe this completes the circle in a way.”

They all take turns tossing things in and watching it go up in flames.

As her family locks hands with each other, she knows everything will be okay.

It most certainly doesn’t feel like it right now and she has more fighting to do.

But they’ll be next to her, fighting with her, every step of the way.

The very idea that a cult is after them sends Max's thoughts into overdrive. He wanted to go downstairs and discuss with everybody, but a certain Australian is clinging to him like he'll die if he doesn't.

Him and Oscar sleep the most out of the five. This is what he's become used to since he started staying with them. Mornings where the Aussie are curled up into him have become something he looks forward to.

Currently, however, he knows he'll have to wake him up if they are going to be productive today.

Max makes an attempt at escape but ends up just pulling Oscar with him. He mumbles and shifts a bit before opening his own eyes.

"Morning sleepy head."

"It's too early." Disgruntled groans follow the statement.

Max lets out a breathy laugh. "I know, you can go back to sleep if you want."

"But you're leaving."

"Would you rather me carry you?"

Max didn't know what he was expecting, but walking down the stairs with a sleepy Australian on his back wasn't it.

The fact that the sight brought a smile to the faces of all his lovers made the effort worth it. They join the other three at the table. Oscar looks like he might fall asleep on the table.

“How are you feeling?” He asks toward the female. She’s playing with her food and sitting with her knees tucked into her chest.

“She hasn’t kept food down yet.” Sighs Charles who’s sitting next to her. She scrunches up her nose when he says it.

Max nods his head. The ever looming sickness strikes again. “I think we should move.”

“Again?!” Lando rolls his eyes. Max already knows how much the Brit hates moving. They’ve moves so much the last few years that he’s come to despise it.

“Well, kind of.” Max leans back in his chair and the other four eye him expectantly. “I think we should closer to Seb and Hanna but also keep the Monaco apartment. That way we’ll always have somewhere to come back too.”

“Logical idea.” Oscar says to the table. "We could do that during summer break since it's coming up soon."

"For now, we need to decide if we should stay here or go back to Monaco."

The female looks at her food and then back at them. "I love it here, but I think Hanna and Seb wouldn't appreciate us doing things in their house."

"What does that have to do with this?" Asks Lando. Innocent. Pure actual innocence.

"Because someone can only go so long."

Charles eyes to female cautiously. She'd yet to keep anything down. Reduced to dry heaving every few minutes.

"You don't have to sit on the bathroom floor with me."

"Mm true. But I want to." He runs his fingers along her spine. It’s the only comforting feeling she has to cling to at the moment. Even as she’s back to heaving up nothing, he’s still comforting her.

When it passes, Charles leans her back against his chest. “Do you think it’s your powers?”

“Honestly? No.” Charles hums. He doesn’t push her to continue. He just continues to give her a feeling to ground herself with; his fingers now finding hers as she goes to play with his rings. “It’s the memories. Knowing what actually happened to me. It doesn’t feel real but I can’t escape the feeling of hands that I didn’t want on me.”

She heaves again. Harder this time then previously. Like somehow speaking it made it real and more intense. She leans back into him. “It’s not fair, Charlie. Especially to you four. How are we supposed to live like this?” Her voice is so broken. It’s a sound that will haunt him.

“Will figure it out, Mon amour. But first I think we need to get sustenance in your body.”

“What’s the point?” She groans. “It’s just going to come back up. I would eat anything if it meant I could keep it down.”

“I think I might have an idea.” Charles smiles down at her and kisses the top of her head.

Ice cream is his idea. The boys went out to get it and were diligent in avoiding people. The thought of their trainers finding out keeping them from just walking around like normal people.

Charles had dragged Max with him while the other two stayed behind to look after the female.

"I feel like we're on a secret mission."

"And yet you're drawing attention to yourself by ducking around the corners."

"Andrea will have my head if he finds out about this."

It took them an hour to get back. and things had gotten worse when they did.

Lando greets them at the door. They are thankful the Seb and Hanna took the kids out for the day. having the house to themselves makes this a bit easier.

"Oscar is attempting to force water down her throat. It's getting worse." There is a certain anxiety in the Brits voice that Charles can't ignore.

"What do you mean worse?" Max beats him to the question.

Lando runs a hand through his curls. "She's spiked a fever, and she passes while you two were done." He bounces on the balls of his heels. "Also, she keeps muttering in her sleep and it's starting to freak me out."

The three make their way up to the female. Charles grimaces at the sight. She's panting and drenched in sweat.

Lando is right. He can see her mouth moving frantically. Her eyes flicker back and forth behind shut lids.

"She fell asleep again. I got some water in her before she did." Oscar looks at her nervously. It's the same look he has whenever she's not doing well. Now they know better than to force him away from her. Last time they tried he didn't speak to them for a day.

"I hate to say it, but we're gonna need to find a way to get fluids in her consistently." Max sighs heavily. They all know it's necessary but taking her back to the doctors comes with so many risks.

"What about a private doctor?"

"Even then it would be risky."

Max ponders. They need to think of something or risk her dying of dehydration. "We'll try the emergency room and hope they are so busy they won't pay close attention to her bloodwork. like the did the first time."

Lando didn't think pulling Oscar away from her would be so damn difficult. He's been running the opposite direction of anything medical related since he got out of the hospital.

"Osc, it's just a few minutes to they can get her set up in a room." He tries to reason with the younger. "How about we go get some air and we can talk about this."

The Aussie finally gives in, letting his arm go slack. Lando almost falls over at the sudden lack of resistance.

He jumps on the opportunity to guide him out of the building. He keeps their fingers interlocked. Lando couldn't care less if the vultures pounce on them. He desperately needs to get them away from the anxiety inducing building until they can see her.

Charles or Max would probably be batter at calming him then Lando. But Max was the one who went back with her since he knows her medical history like the back of his hand and has the excuses they planned to use if anyone got suspicious. Charles is on the phone with Seb talking about what's going on.

That leaves Lando. The most anxious out of all of them.

"Wanna talk about what's going on in your head?" They continue walking, hopefully the air will do them both good even if it's a parking lot.

"It's hard to explain." Oscar admits. "It was terrible being drugged out of consciousness. And I thought I was dreaming, but she came to check on me. She bargained for my safety." Lando can feel Oscar's hands starting to relax a bit. He's not fighting so hard anymore. "Then, when we started to try and make our way out, she saved me again. She was exhausted and I had to carry her at one point but it was so cold and damp and dark. I just never want to leave her like that again."

Lando thinks back to when he stumbled across them. How Oscar kicked and screamed at them, the females body in his protective grip. Somehow, they'd kept each other alive, and now Oscar feels the effects of the trauma that has bonded them together.

Lando stops them next to a relatively secluded part of the lot. He spins around and places his hands on either side of Oscar's face. "I promise you that we're never going to let that happen again. We're going to figure this out. What they did to you both is not something I'll say I understand, but I hear you. You and her are safe, and we're going to do our best to keep it that way."

Seb stands in the doorway with Max and Charles. His daughter now, thankfully, awake with a broken fever. The unfortunate part is that there are about four doctors standing around her asking her questions.

They'd been very specific with the Max. Mainly because the Dutch refused to let them near her when they said there were irregularities in her DNA.

They won't do anything without consent.

Yet the boys are still standing guard. Max's eyes haven't left her body, and Charles is trying to keep him from slamming the door open and kicking all of them out of the room.

The doctors step away from and exit the room. Seb grabs Max's arm in an attempt to keep him stationary.

The interaction certainly doesn’t look like much. Yet Seb can see the way she tries to curl herself farther away from them. They don’t advance, just continue talking. He can’t help but admire the respect they have for the traumatized girl.

Three of the doctors nod at them and walk away. The fourth closes the door behind him and steps in front of sebastian.

"We're going to discharge her. We think it was a psychological response to something, but otherwise, she should be okay to leave."

Seb thanks the man. His chest is relieved of the weight sitting on it since he'd gotten the call.

They didn't go back to Monaco. Instead, they flew directly to Hungary. It was her request since she wasn't sure she could stomach multiple trips. It was only a few days earlier than they needed to be there.

Max had gotten his own hotel room this time. The place is massive and luxurious. It's not like it's shocking or that she's not used to it by now. Her mind just recalls a time when her and Max were in a barely standard sized room eating comfort food while avoiding Brad.

"I don't know you, but I am exhausted." Lando let's out a large yawn to further prove his point.

Max drops his bags and turns to face the group. "That's a shame. Guess you won't get to join us then." A playful smirk tugs on his lips. She's not exactly sure what the plans are, but with the cheeky glint in the Dutchmans eye she knows they are in for a long night.

Next ->

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lanitalay · 2 months

Text

One day : Chapter 6

Based on the Netflix series by the same name

a/n: I literally cried writing this. Ouchie. Im sorry for the angst, we'll get fluff soon enough. I'm actually working on a fluffy one shot rn. So expect that soon.

warnings: ansgt, drinking, swearing?,

Word Count: 1.8k

Masterlist

You sat next to Nesta at the bar. It was the first time in over fifty years that you had been on the boat for the Summer Solstice celebrations. That morning, you had done everything in your power to feel the excitement you usually do on this day but nothing worked. It did not help that you woke up on the floor, naked and next to a stranger. It also did not help that you’d be forced to see the two people you wanted to do nothing with. Most importantly, it didn’t help that the only way to keep the collective hangover from a months long bender at bay was to keep drinking. You were constantly nauseous and dizzy. Mind fuzzy so that no thought could stay long enough to hurt.

“Want another?” Nesta asked you as she motioned for more liquor to be poured in her glass. You mumbled something that sounded like “yes” and then your own was full to the brim again. Had you eaten anything?

“NestaImagogetsomefood” you informed her while tumbling out of your stool to find something. The world felt like it was tilted on an axis and you were trying with whatever coordination you had to stay upright. Until someone bumped into you and sent you falling backwards.

You knew you hit your head pretty hard when you opened your eyes and saw double of everything. The male that had knocked you down was standing over you trying to get a response. “Imfinejusthelpmeup” he didn’t seem sure of what you were asking of him until you stretched out your hand and he grabbed it, hoisting you to your feet. You clung to his chest because everything was spinning and nothing could ground you. “Ineedfood, takemetothefood.”

You couldn’t see him, but the male who held you was absolutely terrified as a giant winged Ilyrian stalked towards you with a look that promised violence. “Don’t touch her” you felt more hands steady you then strong arms scoop you up and carry you somewhere else.

“Hey stay with me, y/n, we’ll get you something to eat” you knew that voice, you knew his scent and you knew the “we” he was talking about. “PutmedownAzriel.”

“You can’t stand straight.”

A few moments later you were on a plush couch on the first deck of the boat, barely anybody was down here, the party in full swing upstairs. “Here” Azriel gave you some buttered bread and water. Until you saw the clear liquid you had no idea how thirsty you were, chugging it down in one go. Which was a mistake, because next thing you know you are running towards the railings and spilling your guts into the Sidra. Azriel was holding back your hair and rubbing circles on your back. “It’s ok, I’ve got you” he said until you finished.

“Stop it” you said after a while, shrugging off his hand. “Y/n-”

“No, you can go now, I’m fine.”

“You’re not, it’s ok let me help-”

“I don’t want your help.”

“Let’s just go sit down-”

He didn’t get it. To this day he does not understand. “Just leave me alone, I mean it, I'm fine.” Your head was resting on your folded arms against the railing. It was a way to find stillness and hide your tears.

“I found some napkins that maybe-” Azriel took the napkins from Elain and dabbed away the cold sweat that gathered at the base of your neck. It was so tender, so gentle that you bit your lip to keep from screaming.

“There she is.” You sighed as you heard Nesta’s voice. “I’ve got this, you two can go now.” Without looking up you knew she was staring down Azriel and sagged a little when his footsteps drifted away. “Come on, y/n.” She wrapped an arm around your waist and helped you sit on one of the couches. Head rested on her shoulder like you’d done a million times in the last year. “Amren called me pathetic.”

“I think I vomited on a turtle.”

“Safe to say we’ve seen better days.” She nudged you slightly and you chuckled. Better days certainly were behind you.

After you ate the bread and could stand on your own you returned to the bar and drank the night away.

Mornings were always similar, you woke up in a state of undress. Sometimes alone, sometimes with someone else. Then you took a cold bath, the sticky residue of sweat and sex clinging to your skin from the night before. After that you would go to the cafe on your street and get a pastry and then eat it in your apartment with a cup of tea.

It was the best part of your day, before memories you kept buried deep began to flash in your mind. Before the regret of what you had become bubbled to the surface. Before you really looked in the mirror and saw just how bad it had gotten.

The morning after solstice you woke up with a male named Jax. You knew him well enough. He owned the club you and Nesta frequented and he had become a regular night time companion. “Wake up”, you poked him.

“Good morning to you too” he rolls over and places open mouth kisses along your neck and shoulder. “You have go.”

“Let me make you pancakes” he says and bites your earlobe. “No thanks, I have plans to meet someone for breakfast.”

He sighs and stops his ministrations, then gets off the bed and while he dresses asks “are you ever going to let me take you out properly?”

“Probably not,” you answer and walk towards the bathroom.

You hear Jax finish dressing “I’ll see you around.”

“Bye!” You yell and dunk your head under the freezing water, washing away the night before.

“Y/n there's someone here saying they know you” you roll your eyes, wanting him to leave already. “Who?”

“Its me Y/n.” You nearly choke when you heard Azriel’s voice boom through your apartment. Quickly you get out of the bath, put on a robe and go into the living room where Jax and Azriel are sizing each other up. “I know him, Jax, it's ok.” He gave you a look and you motioned for him to leave with your hands then closed the door as he finally left.

“He seems... nice.”

“What do you want, Azriel?” You asked, still standing by the door with your arms crossed at your chest. “I always bring you flowers on our anniversary” you noticed a brown bag and a delicate bouquet in his hands just then. “Oh.”

“And I wanted to talk to you.”

“About?”

“Can we sit down for this?”

You rolled your eyes “is it going to take a while? I have somewhere to be.”

“I brought you breakfast.” You sigh and grab the brown bag from his hands “you can talk while I make tea.”

“How are you?” He asked while scanning your apartment. There was a wet trail from where you walked, clothes strewn about the whole place, a broken frame hanging from the wall and the curtains you typically kept open to allow for sunshine were closed shut.

“We can skip pleasantries. What do you want?” You were focused on your tea, pouring water into the kettle and waiting for it to boil. “I wanted to check on you. We haven’t spoken in months and yesterday you looked… like you were having a rough time.”

“I’m fine, just drank too much.”

“Why have you been avoiding me?”

“I’ve been busy.”

“Y/n.”

You say nothing as you look for the leaves to make your favorite tea.

“Y/n.”

“What?”

“Let me help you, please I can’t stand to see you like this”

You look at him now, curious to see what he’ll say next “like what?”

“You’re drunk everyday, you come home with someone new every night, you stopped working with Madja. I know the war was difficult for you but this isn’t healthy”.

“You have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Yes I do. I’ve known you for the better part of a century and something changed for you after the war. You never really came back and I’ve given you space and time but- I can help you. Please, just let me help.”

“I want you to go, Azriel.” You make to walk to the door but he steps in your way and places two gentle hands just below your shoulders. “Just talk to me-” You step back and push him away from you.

“You almost died for her! I broke down in front of you and begged you not to die because I can’t survive it and you went into the middle of Hybern’s camp with only Feyre to save her! Then you come back mutilated and I fix you up again and you’re asking why I’m not the same? You go off, you play the hero and then expect me to still be here and I can’t-”

His mouth is slightly agape as he watches you break.

“I can’t close my eyes without seeing you dead. Your blood has coated me from head to toe and I still feel it. If I’m not careful, I see it over and over and it never stops and then you look at me like everything is fine and it’s not. So I drink and I fuck and I get by as best I can and you don’t get to have a say. Leave” you’re holding the door open for him, fighting against the tears in your eyes. He looks like you just stabbed him.

“Y/n-” you curse loudly and slam the door. Then walk into your room and change into the first thing you find “Y/n-” he’s pleading and you feel it pull at your heartstrings. “Stay, leave, I don’t care.” You’re out the door.

“I know it's rotten of me, Nes” you were lying on her mattress while she braided her hair.

“It isn’t.”

“It feels rotten.”

“You are entitled to your anger and hurt. Deal with what you’re feeling however you want, I’ll be here to clean you up if things get messy.”

Your friendship with the oldest Archeron had bloomed unexpectedly after the war. After everything that happened everyone went back to business as usual, except you two.

She had seen Cassian be practically gutted, draped herself over him and was prepared to die. While you were elbow deep in Azriel’s torso trying to get the last piece of ash arrow out. You never spoke of it, the bond of shared trauma. Of insurmountable anger.

How your souls were crumbling and the only thing keeping you alive was each other. She would clean you up, you would break her fall.

Standing from the bed you walk to her and hug her tight, tears pouring down your cheeks “I love you Nesta, I love you so much.” She hugged you back without saying a word but from the way her heart beat stuttered you knew she felt the same.

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variousincorrectxreader · 1 year

Text

quick word vomit.

my favorite genshin characters reacting to your death.

includes: Sucrose, Amber, Zhongli and Lumine.

Warnings: character death (reader), slight spoilers in Sucrose's part, blood in both Amber and Lumines part, reader is sick in Zhongli's part.

Sucrose

She was completely unaware that you had left without taking proper first aid, she was simply too distracted to do her usual check up on you. Oh how she wishes she did so now.

"dont worry! Sweets. I'll be back before you know it. Its just a simple supply run after all."

and you had left, leaving with a peck on the cheek and a murmured I love you that she barely caught, too focussed on her strange experiments to reply. You had run into a horde of monsters blocking the road. A very unlucky random encounter. Only you and two others were fully equipped to fight, and fight you did... you fought well, but you had sustained heavy injuries, and you had no way of healing them. How stupid you felt, how guilty you felt. Because now you were leaving Sucrose behind, just like her so called friends. your vision went dark, dot by dot, the yelling of your comrades fading away into nothing.

Sucrose was just finishing yet another experiment when a knock on the door was heard. 'Strange,' she thought. Normally you would just barge in, recounting your epic tale of the day. Well whatever. She was just happy to see you, excited to show you her findings. So why did her stomach twist uncomfortably as she approached the door?

Instead of your smiling face, smudged with dirt and who knows what, she was met with two grim faces. Both looked as if they had been through hell. Sucrose's heart dropped as she saw what they were holding in their hands. Her world faded away, tuning out the condolences given by your teammates as her focus zoomed onto the familiar weapon and- Your vision. Dull and devoid of color.

in that moment, Sucrose felt her entire world break, her usual anxiety around unknown people crumbling away as she snatched the vision out of their hands, sinking to her knees and sobbing her eyes out, tears fogging up her glasses.

You had left her alone.

———

Amber

The Outrider was there, with you when you died, having been assigned a mission around the edge of Mondstadt, responding to reports of treasure hoarders passing through constantly. Her mind frequently wanders to that fateful day, wishing she was able to protect you better... wishing to have been stronger. You had gotten shot. Twice, an arrow wedged painfully in the side of your ribcage and another buried in your chest. Warm blood was coating your lovers hands, drenching your shirt and sticking to Ambers body. Her brown eyes were staring fearfully into your own

"H-hey, sleepyhead... stay awake, alright! That way w-we can... go eat some sticky honey roast with P-paimon and the t-traveler..."

she knows its useless, you know its useless... you've been bleeding for too long, the wounds too deep to heal properly. But she still tries to cling onto hope. And all you do is smile, your breaths shallow. And in your last moments you comfort her, youre dying and yet... shes the one seeking your comfort instead of her giving it to you. She feels so worthless right now. As she watches your vision and the light in your eyes flicker, she pulls you close. Rocking you as if you were falling asleep. Your last words being a testament of your love for her.

and as your grip on her hand loosens, she knows you have gone somewhere she cant follow, not even if she ran with all her might, or crossed the most dangerous chasms with her wind glider. Youre gone, and she will forever blame herself.

———

Zhongli

The Geo Archon is grateful for the time he has with you, so many good memories of laughing and telling stories while drinking wine.

But he cannot stop himself from despising the fact that you, are a mere mortal. While he, he is a God with much more time on Teyvat that you could ever dream of.

especially when you are brought into the Funeral parlor he is currently employed at. Was this why Hu Tao was acting weird? Zhongli was no fool, he knew you were sick. He knew that your lifespan was short, even more so than the average mortal life. Bu he didnt expect you to just flicker out so fast. Zhongli is used to seeing the people he cares for dying, for he has been around to see the rise and fall of many things, including Liyue itself. But it still hurts just as much as it did a thousand years ago, to lose someone so important to him.

you left him letters, the first one he found in your shared home, on his bedside table. Along with the Vision he himself had given to you, The letter had been an apology, for not telling him that your health had gotten worse. You also said that there were more, more letters hidden in places the two of you shared fond memories. He finds them all quite quickly, his eyes watering as he looks over each one, lovingly written

'I love you,' these three words ended each letter, and in response, after reading each one. He would say "I miss you." Even hundreds of years after you are gone. ———

Lumine (Traveler)

Lumine couldnt feel anything. The only thing she could see is the blood, dripping from your gashes as you tried to stumble into Mondstadt. Presumably to the cathedral. She didnt care about the stains she couldnt care about anything as she ran with all her might, carrying you in her arms. She had sent Paimon go on ahead, to tell Barbara of your condition.

Right now, everything is dangerous. Anything could hurt you. It doesnt help that the blood loss has made you delirious, blurting out a sudden confession.

"shhh, save it for l-later."

its ironic, the words she wants to hear the most during a time she doesnt want to hear them. She tells you to hush, to save your strength for while Barbara heals you, knowing the Deaconess can only do so much. And yet you dont stop. You keep listing reasons why you have fallen for her. her determination, her skill, her voice, and her eyes. Oh how you love her eyes.

suddenly, before she realizes it, she has carried you halfway to the cathedral, and she can see Barbara rushing towards the two of you, fear clouding her ocean eyes. She begins to heal you, but she is being realistic. You have lost a lot of blood, the trail thick throughout the city of freedom. She tells Lumine there is a slim chance of survival, but she takes it. A slim chance is better than no chance at all. and she watches as the medics take you away, unaware that she was fighting them off until Paimon yelled at her to calm down. Before you are out of sight, she screams out. Desperately;

"I love you too! So... p-please survive so we can go on a date!"

your smile has a sense of finality that she despises, oh how she hates how youve accepted your fate. She wouldnt be able to accept your death. So how are you? After she has cleaned herself of the crimson staining her body, she makes her way to the cathedral, Paimon trailing behind, equally as worried. Its strange seeing the pixie so serious about something.

and the waiting game begins. Lumine was never patient, and this moment was no different. She was restless as she waits for an update on your condition.

when Barbara finally comes out, Lumine stands up, rushing over, seeking an answer.

the one she gets shakes her to her core. She has just lost another important person in her life. Barbara speaks up, her voice shaky. "They... they wanted you to have this..." your vision, lacking the beautiful glow that reminded her of your eyes. She didnt take it, despite you wanting her to have it, she couldnt. Seeing it broke her even more.

She's lost her brother, and now she's lost you. You've finally gone somewhere she cant follow And when she reaches for you again, you won't be there.

"w-we were supposed to go on a date..."

#Zhongli x reader #Lumine x reader #sucrose x reader #amber x reader #genshin impact #female reader #gn reader #male reader #Genshin x reader #genshin x reader angst #Angst #genshin angst #Genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #x reader

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amhrosina · 2 years

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MCU Men During Your First Trimester (Pregnancy Headcanons//Pt. 2)

MASTERLIST // TAG LIST REQUEST FORM

Requests are open!

A/N: You can, in fact, find out the gender of your baby as early as 14 weeks, but for fic purposes, we’re going to pretend like the ends of these headcanons are somewhere around the very very beginning of the second trimester-ish. Just go with it. Suspend your reality. You’ll be fineeeee.

Link to Part 1 Part 3 Part 4

Frank Castle:

This isn’t Frank’s first rodeo, but it’s all very new to you, so he’s patient with you as you start to experience symptoms.

Frank insists on being a part of everything and listens intently when the doctor explains what you’re going to have to do until the second trimester, even though he’s heard all of this before.

One morning your morning sickness is so bad that you think you might actually be dying, but Frank sits with you on the bathroom floor, rubbing your back and holding your hair up when you start vomiting again.

Your body starts to change, but Frank is constantly reminding you that you’re beautiful and how strong you are for growing an entire human inside of you.

Frank gives you glasses of water throughout the day because he knows you forget sometimes

You wake Frank up at 3 a.m. one night because you’re having some serious cravings

“Frank, if I don’t get some Doritos in me right this very minute, I think I might actually die.”

He goes to three different stores before he finds some, buying the biggest bag they sell.

You start taking way more naps, but Frank doesn't mind. When you fall asleep on his lap, he runs his fingers through your hair and thinks about how lucky he is to raise a child with you.

Towards the end of the first trimester, the doctor tells you that you’re having a girl. Frank is beyond ecstatic because he knows it will look and be like you, and you are his favorite thing in the world.

Matt Murdock:

Matt is a walking ball of anxiety, but he’s doing his best to be supportive.

You know Matt is worried that he won’t be able to be as good of a father because he is vision-impaired, but you reassure him that the baby will always know that he loves them.

He also has a literal 360 sonar in his head like that man will be able to do anything and everything for that baby, just not while he’s in public.

You don’t experience morning sickness, but you get the worst migraines you’ve ever experienced in your life.

It’s a good thing your partner doesn’t need the lights on because you spend a solid three weeks doing everything in the dark.

The first time you ever experience a mood swing, you snap at Matt for asking you if you want to go for a walk. He immediately bursts into laughter and you’re soon to follow.

“I like the feisty you.”

“Shut it, Murdock.”

When you go to the doctor for your first trimester ultrasound, your doctor’s pregnant (excuse the pun) pause has Matt on the edge of his seat.

“There are two of them in there. Twins! One boy and one girl!”

You very nearly pass out when you hear that you will be having not one, but two babies.

When the doctor leaves the room, Matt reveals that he thought he heard another heartbeat, but he wanted you to be surprised.

You’re overjoyed that you get to have both a girl and a boy, because now you’ll be able to physically see the piece of you and the piece of Matt that created your family.

Billy Russo:

You successfully avoid Billy for weeks, but when the doctor asked if you knew of any illnesses that run on the father’s side of the family, you decide you don’t want to risk the baby’s health by avoiding Billy. Even if he was an orphan, he could be dealing with an illness or something that he hadn’t told you about.

You call him one night, vowing to only ask him the one question and hang up.

He answers on the first ring, asking if you’re okay.

“I know you didn’t know your family, but do you know of anything the baby might inherit from you that the doctor needs to know about?

“I’m coming over. Please open the door when I get there.”

You say okay, because it’s Billy, and you miss him.

You awkwardly stand in the hallway with him as he looks you over.

“I am so, so sorry. I know I handled the news terribly and I know you feel like I’ve abandoned you, but I haven’t, and I won’t abandon our baby either.”

He doesn’t want to do the same thing his parents did to him my poor damaged baby.

“How do I know I can trust you, Billy?”

“I’ll show you. You’ll see.”

Billy makes a concerted effort to see you at least once a day. He’ll bring you coffee (de-caffeinated) in the morning sometimes, or when he has a late night, he’ll stop by with whatever you happen to be craving that day.

He apologizes for missing your first doctor’s appointment, but he promises he’ll be at the rest of them.

He’s constantly on the phone with Frank, asking him about “baby stuff”.

You can tell that he’s nervous about it, but he’s trying his best.

He even starts emailing you links to different cribs/stuff for the nursery and asking your opinion on them.

When it comes time to find out the gender of the baby, Billy is fidgety and anxious, tapping his foot on the floor and running his fingers through his hair repeatedly.

When the doctor reveals that the baby is a boy, the room is silent. After the doctor leaves, Billy lets the tears he’d been holding back fall.

“What if I fuck him up? What if he’s like me?”

“The fact that you’re worried about that means you won't, Billy.”

Bucky Barnes:

This is a very high-risk pregnancy, and Bucky is taking it very seriously.

He won’t even let you cook dinner anymore, claiming that your rest and health are the most important things right now.

“Bucky, I am more than capable of showering by myself.”

“I know that, Doll. I’m just here for the show.”

He’s already picking out baby names that he thinks you might like, but you’re hesitant to set anything in stone before the second trimester.

You watch the calendar as you get closer to your second trimester, praying to the universe that you don’t have a miscarriage.

You can see how excited Bucky is, and you don’t want to break his heart by losing the baby.

Bucky can sense your unease, and he tries to reassure you that no matter what happens, he’ll love you ‘til the end of the line (I had to, don’t freaking shoot me okay???)

When you’re two weeks away from the second trimester, you start to feel sharp pains in your stomach. Bucky rushes you to the hospital, where they stick you with needles and run all types of tests to figure out what’s going on.

You cry into Bucky’s chest, apologizing for getting his hopes up. Bucky won’t even let you finish your apology, reminding you that you’re doing a very hard thing and that he loves you so very much.

The doctor tells you that your baby is fine, but that you’re not drinking enough water, which was causing severe stomach cramps.

“In other news, your baby is a boy.”

Bucky is over the moon, and vows to you that he’ll never let anyone hurt you or the baby.

Peter Parker (Tom Holland):

Peter honors his promise and starts taking on odd jobs before and after his classes, slowly but surely building up money for when the baby comes.

You continue your semester and job as planned but start visiting the campus clinic instead of an independent OBGYN when you have to make doctor appointments, because they offer services for college students at a reduced cost.

Peter probably reads every baby book ever written in preparation for your pregnancy and the birth.

One morning you start to cry when you realize that your once favorite breakfast food, aka poached eggs, repulses you now.

Peter is so confused, but hugs and kisses you anyways because he loves you.

He eventually moves into your apartment, claiming it was bound to happen eventually.

You’re worried about how much the actual birth is going to cost, but Peter says he knows a guy who knows a girl who can help with that.

Peter gently suggests the name “May” if the baby is a girl, and you blame the pregnancy hormones when you start to cry over how beautiful the sentiment is.

You both decide not to find out the baby’s gender until you give birth, because you want it to be a fun little surprise.

Your last week in your first trimester is celebrated with pizza and a bottle of (non-alcoholic) champagne.

“What if our baby’s a boy? What are we going to name him then?”

“I don’t know, Peter Jr.?”

“Peter, I am not naming my child Peter Jr.”

End Note: i'm so sorry but i would fold so fast for billy anyways! i think im going to do two more parts to this: one where reader is in their second/third trimesters, and one where reader gives birth and how the new daddys are with their newborns. baby name suggestions would be great thank youuuu

Tag List:

@alexxavicry @purple-amaranthe @raajali3 @kokoterainonago666 @xleiaorgana @mukbee @dilfs5678 @blackwidownat2814 @mymamalife

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lemonykoo · 1 year

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get well soon, dear!

Includes: Childe, Diluc, Kazuha, Kaeya, Thoma, Albedo, Xiao, Aether, and Tighnari

Genre: Fluff! Established relationships. Gender neutral reader (if I did use she somewhere, just let me know!)

Word Count: 620-660+ for each character (I expected them to be shorter, but I got a little carried away)

Notes: Bullet imagine of how some of the Genshin boys would take care of their sick or unwell lover! Mentions of being sick, not being able to swallow pills so Childe hides them in your food, vomiting is said once in Kazuha’s, you have a stomach bug in Kaeya’s so vomiting is mentioned, etc.

Childe:

We all know this man, despite being a super scary harbinger, can be the perfect house husband. Honestly, the duality of Childe’s personality is probably what drew you in in the beginning.

So, whenever you catch a cold or some other illness while spending some time with him in his home nation of Snezhnaya, you won’t have anything to worry about while you’re under his care.

He’s had to take care of his sick siblings before, so this wouldn’t be his first rodeo. As soon as you complained about a sore throat or when he noticed you shivering despite being under the warmest blankets ever made, your fiancé would step up to the plate of making sure every need you had would be taken care of before you were even aware you needed it.

Childe can cook, so he’s going to whip up all the recipes his mom would make him when he was sick as a kid. He knows that having a sore throat may call for a softer diet, so he’d fix you several hot soups to cater to your ailment.

He’d constantly check how many tissues you had left so you’d never run out and he’d always ask if you were comfortable or if you needed more blankets, another pillow, etc.

(Or someone to snuggle with!!)

(Honestly, you didn’t even have to ask for that, since he was already all over you, peppering kisses all your face as he wished you to get better soon in between each one.)

(No, he didn’t care if he was a greater risk of getting sick now, he was going to do everything in his power to make sure that you had no worries while you were sick.)

If you’re like me and have some irrational fear (which it’s totally not irrational) about swallowing pills, do not fear! Childe’s younger siblings have prepared him for this, too.

At first, the standard answer to solve this problem would be to just dissolve your pills, or crush them up and put them in water. However, after watching you gag from the awful taste one too many times, Childe had to come up with another solution. He had tried to put something sweet in the water to give it another flavor in hopes of overpowering the awful taste of medicine, but it was no use. There had to be another way for you take your medicine without feeling any worse.

He’d come in with Mint Jelly, a dish you secretly loved but didn’t have often. “I thought I’d give you a treat to help you feel better,” he’d shrug, placing the dish on the bedside table while you sat up against the headboard. You were used to him coming in with both your medications and your lunch at the same time, but seeing him with only your lunch piqued your interest.

“Where is my medicine?” you asked, taking the plate and placing it your lap.

“Oh, I thought I’d let you eat this first. It would be better not to have the aftertaste of crushed up pills ruining the taste of one of your favorite foods!”

Of course, the trick to the whole ordeal was that he had hidden your pills inside, hoping that they’d go by undetected and you’d swallow them with no problems. And when you placed an empty plate back on the bedside table and thanked him for such a yummy meal, Childe couldn’t help but feel accomplished.

Unfortunately, he’d have to come clean about his doings and his efforts would most likely be unsuccessful in the future (he could see you looking for them in your food later), but hey, he’s trying, alright!

He just doesn’t want you to be in more discomfort than you have to be :(

Diluc:

If he’s able to, Diluc is going to be by your side every second until you’re feeling 100% better again. This would be in a perfect world, though, and Teyvat is not exactly perfect, so Diluc would be unable to care for you all the time as he wishes he could.

This just means he leaves you in the hands of Adelinde while he’s gone, because he knows that she’ll take care of you in the way that you deserve, no matter what your illness is. She had always done the same for him and Kaeya when they were under her care, so he knew she was more than capable of doing the same for you.

Diluc would have to leave during the day to take care of business elsewhere, and when he’d leave, he’d depart with a promise that he’d return soon (before semi-pleading with Adelinde to make sure you were okay, even though that was completely unnecessary since she was going to, anyway).

Once he came back, though, only you would be on his mind.

Diluc would walk into the Dawn Winery and say nothing to his staff as he headed straight to your shared bedroom, stripping off his coat as he did so. Moco and Hillie would whisper how endearing it was for him to have his attention on nothing else but you – out of his hearing range, of course.

Upon entering the bedroom, Adelinde would grin and give him a summary of what you had eaten, what medications you had, and how you had been feeling while he was away, or the lack thereof, since sometimes you would feel too bad to do much anything but sleep.

With Diluc back, though, you’d be placed back under his loving care. If he still had paperwork to deal with, he’d handle it beside you in bed instead of downstairs in his office as you slept soundly beside him, curled up into a little ball with your head in his lap. This was so he could keep an eye on you, and if you needed him, you wouldn’t have far to go to find him.

He’d cuddle you and read to you since your brain couldn’t focus enough to do that yourself. He’d braid your hair while you slept and would frequently check your fever like a worrying mother since he wasn’t always sure what to do. Seeing his sorry expression whenever he pressed the back of his hand to your forehead always made your heart warm.

If you had a terrible sickness, one that caused your body to ache all over and rendered you miserable, Diluc would put all of his duties on hold to stay with you. There was no way he was going to leave you alone to feel this terribly by yourself. These types of sicknesses would make you cry because of how bad you felt, and it pained your husband to see you in such a state. He’d hold you close under the covers as you shivered from your fever, placing soft kisses on your forehead and whispering comforting words of affection.

And rest assured that if you ever asked him something while you were under the weather, he’d comply immediately. If you asked him to get you a treat (because sweet treats always made things better), he’d already be halfway down the stairs before you could get the rest of the sentence out of your mouth. If you needed another blanket, he’d bring back five. If you needed someone to hold you and talk to you since your sickness prevented you from falling asleep at night – well, that’s a silly thing to ask for since Diluc was already there at your disposal <3.

Kazuha:

You were on your first voyage upon the Crux with Kazuha, courtesy of Beidou peer-pressuring him into convincing you to come aboard for once. She didn’t know much about you, but she could pick up on that you were too shy to ask if you could go on your own.

(Not only was this just allowing her to meet the special someone Kazuha couldn’t stop talking about, but it was also so Kazuha could stop talking about how much he missed you when he left.)

You had been enjoying it for a little bit, until suddenly you disappeared and Kazuha couldn’t find you anywhere. It wasn’t until one of the kids on the ship asked what was wrong with you that he found you in a shady corner, knees pulled up to your chest and your face as white as the snow in Dragonspine. One look at you and he could tell you were seasick. After all, this was your first boat ride. You hadn’t become accustomed to the swaying feeling of being on a ship, so it was expected for you to become this way.

“I was going to tell you I felt bad, but then I thought you’d think I was… I don’t know… stupid,” you murmured, your voice quiet. As soon as you realized that the dizzy feeling you were experiencing wasn’t normal, you had separated yourself from your boyfriend to hide yourself somewhere so as not to worry him, or draw his attention away from what he had been doing.

“I wouldn’t think you were stupid,” Kazuha chuckled, brushing a strand of hair away from your face and tucking it behind your ear. His smile was kind as he took your hands into his. “This is very common, so don’t feel bad. Why don’t we try to find a better spot to rest in, hm?”

“As long as it’s not up there,” you said, pointing up to the crow’s nest, causing him to laugh. You had gone up there earlier with him and that was probably where you began to feel your stomach churn with the waves as you looked upon the sea around you. “No, dove, we won’t go up there.”

You did feel bad for already dampening your trip, and when Beidou asked if you were okay, you felt worse because you thought that maybe she hated you for putting a damper on things. But Kazuha reassured you that nobody was upset with you, and nobody would be upset with you. Everyone gets seasick at some point!

He’d find the perfect spot for you to lounge at, someplace out of the direct sun so you could prevent yourself from getting overheated as that would just make matters worse.

Kazuha would stay with you until you felt better, sitting beside you with an arm around your waist to reassure you that he was there if you needed him. You’d rest your head upon his shoulder and listen to him recite verses of poetry he’d think of on the spot to cheer you up. If you decided that your little spell was over, he’d help you get up and would most likely keep his arm around you while you walked around the ship, just in case you felt sick again.

After your first incidence of seasickness, he wouldn’t leave you alone. The last thing he wanted was for you to vomit or worse, pass out, all by yourself. He knew you too well, first of all; if those things were to happen, you’d probably jump ship out of embarrassment and swim all the way back to Inazuma before anyone realized you were gone. Besides, if something happened to you while he wasn’t there, how was he supposed to take care of you? That was literally his job, after all.

Kaeya:

Kaeya found it very suspicious that he hadn’t seen you around work yet. When he had left that morning, you said you would come in later since you felt nauseous. He didn’t think anything of it, really, since he had just woken up and felt half-asleep still himself. He remembered telling you that he hoped you felt better and to come see him when you arrived before giving you a couple goodbye kisses before he left.

But now at noon, you hadn’t done as he had asked and he hadn’t even seen you around when he made some rounds around the halls. On a normal day, you could be seen walking around the halls, visiting with other knights, or even browsing the books in the library on your off-time, but there had been no sign of you. Concerned, he asked around to see if maybe you were just avoiding him (perhaps he had stolen all the covers from you last night and you were getting payback?). All the knights he had denied seeing you, Lisa sighed and said she hadn’t see you all day, even Klee seemed a bit down that you hadn’t come and given the young girl her daily hug she always received from you. Finally, when he asked the Acting Grand Master if she had seen you only to met with a shake of the head, Kaeya knew something was up.

Once home, the Calvary Captain was met with a quiet house. He noticed your keys were still by the door with other things you’d always take with you when you left the house, so you must still be home. And when he entered your shared bedroom, he discovered you sleeping peacefully. Only, there was a bowl on the floor by the bed and a bottle of medicine on the bedside table.

He didn’t want to disturb you, so he left you, carefully cracking the door behind him so you could have more privacy. He wouldn’t be going back to work, though, since know his duty was to take care of his spouse! Jean would just have to give him a free pass for the day. Husband duties, what can he say?

After being home for a bit, he’d hear you stir in the bedroom before he’d hear the awful sound of you throwing up. He’d immediately come in, surprising you as he asked if you were okay.

“I didn’t know you were home,” you’d state, your voice hoarse as you sat up to view your husband.

“Well, of course. You never showed up to work, so I had come check on you,” Kaeya said, coming to take the bowl you had thrown up in to dump it out in the sink. “I thought maybe you were just mad at me for stealing the blankets last night.”

You’d grin before saying that you must have a stomach bug since you had been throwing up all day. Kaeya wasn’t exactly an expert on how to care for a sick person, but he did know that you probably needed to stay hydrated considering what was going on. On top of making sure you always had water at the ready, he would frequently check if you needed anything else. However, you were mostly asleep so there wasn’t much you asked for.

But he was still there, just in case!

“You know,” you started after Kaeya handed you dinner-in-bed, “you’re probably going to get this, too.”

The cryo user scoffed, rolling his eyes a bit. “What, no way,” he sarcastically said, smiling a bit. “I guess that means you’ll just have to take care of me when the time comes,” he sighed, placing a soft kiss on the top of your head.

He really didn’t mind, though. He’d risk getting sick a thousand times over and over again just to make sure you were given the best care while you were sick.

After all, those are his husbandly duties!

Thoma:

You had gone to bed one night feeling a bit more tired than usual, but you had just chalked it up to be that maybe you had worked harder than you normally do. However, when you woke up the next morning with a pounding headache and a burning fever, you knew that it was more than just you being tired – you were sick.

“Oh, dear,” Thoma cooed after pressing the back of his hand to your forehead. “You’re burning up, y/n. You must have caught that cold going around.”

Just like Childe, we all know Thoma is also a house husband, which means he’s going to dote on you all he can and give you the best care while he’s at it!

You continued to lay in bed while your husband fished through cabinets and drawers looking for any medications that might help you feel better. He came up partially successful, bringing you some medicine that would help relieve your headache. He got you a glass of water and watched you take them before asking if you wanted to join him at the Kamisato estate while he worked so he could keep an eye on you while also working.

You politely declined, explaining that you’d rather not risk the chance of getting anyone else sick and you saw how disappointed your lover was. His green eyes were filled with concern as he thought about his options for the day. His upmost priority was you, since you weren’t feeling well in the slightest and it wasn’t in your best interest to be left all alone. Besides, if Thoma had to miss a day of work for this, he was sure the Kamisato siblings would understand and not berate him.

“Well, I guess I’m all yours today, then!”

He’d fix you yummy, comfort foods to make your miserable sickness more bearable. He kept a very close eye on you, keeping track of every symptom as it came and went and also the exact minute you took your medications. This wasn’t exactly hard for him to do, since ninety percent of his time was spent in bed with you, holding you close as you trembled from your fever.

You’d try to tell him to go elsewhere in the house since you knew he wouldn’t leave altogether, because you didn’t want him to get sick, too. But he didn’t mind! All that mattered to him was that you were taken care of and given the treatment you needed while you were under the weather. He knew he’d probably get sick, anyways, but that would have to dealt with when it came.

When he had to run an errand, whether it be to get more medicine or pick up ingredients to make another dish for you, he’d make sure you were okay before he ran off. This meant that he’d tuck you under the covers tightly, making sure you were comfortable and weren’t in immediate need of anything since he wouldn’t be back for little bit. Thoma didn’t want you to get up and tire yourself out over something while he wasn’t there.

Yes, he knew you could take care of yourself, but you were sick! This was not the time to show your independence! Let him take care of you like he was made to do <3

(If you tried to get up and get something yourself, Thoma would lightly scold you and tell you get back in bed while he took care of what you needed. “You’re supposed to be taking it easy while I take care of you! You need to rest so you can get better!”)

At night when you’d finally fall asleep since your pounding headache made it hard to, Thoma would stay awake in case you woke up and needed him. But, after a long day and making sure the love of his life had every need of theirs met, he too would drift off to sleep, holding your body closely to him.

Albedo:

You were one to keep working, despite any ailments or injuries trying to hinder you from doing so. So, when you showed up at the Chief Alchemist’s lab in Dragonspine, all he could do was sigh when he saw your sorry state before guiding you to the fire he had built and instructing you to stay there while he found you something to help you feel better.

“So, despite having a burning fever and being barely able to breathe, you travelled all the way here just to bring me these little vials?” Albedo asked, stripping himself of his jacket and wrapping it around you as you sat on one of the chairs around the fire.

“Sucrose said you needed them, but she was busy at the moment and wouldn’t be able to bring them to you,” you explained, hugging his jacket closely to you. “I thought I could help.”

You heard your boyfriend hum as he searched for the medicine he was looking for. “I appreciate the thought, but I can’t see Sucrose letting you get away with that.”

“She didn’t,” you said before coughing. “I took it while she wasn’t watching since she said she wouldn’t allow me to because I’m sick.”

Albedo, grinning a bit at the thought of you doing that, came over to you, holding out the medications you needed to help ease the discomfort you were experiencing. “I gathered as much. I hope you’re okay with staying here for the rest of the day, because you’re not leaving until I do.” Before you could interject, he added, “And you’re not sneaking out while I’m not watching, either.”

Albedo wasn’t exactly doting on you the whole time you were in his lab. He left you to your own devices by the fire most of the time, only coming over to give you medicines when it was time and to press his hands to your forehead to see how your fever was doing. While he was at his desk, though, he’d occasionally ask over his shoulder how you were feeling and if you needed anything. If you stated that you were feeling hungry or cold, or needed something else, he’d get up immediately from his workbench and fulfill your needs with no complaints.

What you didn’t see was his anxious glances toward you every ten seconds, making sure you weren’t dead or doubled over in the fire. Even if he wasn’t at your feet begging to be given some sort of instruction on how to care for you while you were sick, that didn’t mean he wasn’t worried about you.

However, when you had fallen asleep without him knowing and he turned to see you on the ground curled up into a little ball, he had to admit that you gave him a bit of a scare. Despite being in the middle of something, he dropped what he was doing and rushed over to make sure you hadn’t kicked the bucket while he wasn’t watching. Discovering that you were just sleeping, though, he took the time to make you a small cot and moved you to that instead of the stone floor of the lab.

Next time you decided to pull something like that, though, he’d appreciate you telling him you were just laying down since the chair was too uncomfortable to sleep in.

If you were still asleep when he decided his work for the day was done, Albedo would probably make the decision to stay in the lab for the night with you instead of waking you up to go back home. He had plenty here to take care of you, but in the morning he was taking you back home, even if he had to carry you.

Xiao:

Xiao never had any reason to understand why humans get sick, how to care for them when they are sick, or what to do when they do get sick. He himself could not experience this phenomenon and as far as he was concerned, he would never have anything to do with humans so why would he need to take the time to learn about human sicknesses and the like?

Of course, that all changed when he came back after a short, two day departure and found you in one of the worst states he could ever imagine. If you weren’t so sick, you probably would’ve laughed and asked to take his picture when you saw the, well, appalled expression he wore when he saw you. Quite frankly, the first thought he had was that you were dying, but you didn’t seem like you were dying, so the poor adeptus was just very, very confused.

The day Xiao left, you had woken up with a terrible headache and luckily, you were close to Verr Goldet so when you hadn’t greeted her at your usual time that morning, she knocked on your door to check on you. Instead of finding you oversleeping, though, she found you feeling miserable with a fever through the roof.

When Xiao came back though, you seemed to be at the height of your ailment, with the same fever, but with body aches and chills, as well as a cough that surfaced every now and then. You felt so bad, you were close to tears and upon seeing you in such a sorry state, Xiao realized he was actually worried about a human for one of the first times ever.

“Why didn’t you call for me?” he asked quietly, stepping toward you cautiously as he tried to understand what was going on. Despite being in your room at the Wangshu Inn, he felt like he was in a new place altogether, trying to get a grasp of this new environment.

“Because,” you started through a fit of coughs, “I’m just sick. There’s not much you can do about it.” And that was the truth of the matter and Xiao understood that because unlike demons and monsters, Xiao can’t exactly beat your sickness to death and make you feel better.

Still, he wishes he could do more.

He just feels so useless seeing you writhe in pain in bed while he just has to stand there and watch you. If this was any sort of mortal danger, he could take care of you in a heartbeat. Alas, not everything had a simple solution.

So, in an effort to try to take care of his lover, he’d carefully watch Verr Goldet’s actions when she’d come in to help prepare your medicine. It didn’t take long for him to pick up on it, so the next time she came in, she’d find Xiao doing it for her.

His hands were always careful. He’d gently caress the skin of your forehead while you slept, inwardly grimacing at how warm you were. He had watched Verr Goldet place cold rags on you to help, so he’d gently lay them on your head and if you stirred, he’d mentally curse himself for disturbing you. He had heard the inn keeper say that you getting lots of rest was important to your recovery and he didn’t want to prolong your suffering by waking you.

He still wasn’t used to affection and showing his love for you, so while you slept he’d keep watch over you from the window, ready to help you at a moment’s notice in the event that you needed it. While you were awake, he’d talk to you quietly or sit on the end of the bed to keep you company.

After watching you go through this, he was definitely ready for the next time it happened. (Though, after seeing how dreadful it was, he hoped that there wouldn’t be a next time.)

Aether:

Normally, you were always up for a new adventure every day. In fact, it wasn’t uncommon for you to wake up before Aether, bursting with excitement of a new day to discover new people and places.

Today was not one of those days.

You did wake up early (not before Aether, though) and you started off strong, but almost as soon the journey for the day began, you felt awful.

A pounding headache pulsated in your cranium and you felt sluggish as you walked down the dirt path with your blonde lover and his floating companion.

“Paimon thinks something might be wrong with y/n,” Aether’s companion whispered to him, causing him to stop and realize how bad you were lagging behind. He could hear you heaving for breath as you tried to keep up, which was very uncharacteristic of you. Seeing how pitiful you looked, he ran to catch up with you and just in the nick of time to catch you before you collapsed.

“What’s wrong with them?” Paimon asked, watching Aether anxiously lay you down in the grass in a comfortable position. “I don’t know,” he responded, seeing how out of it you seemed, though something told him you were just sick and your body needed to rest instead of go on any new adventure for the day.

“Y/n,” he cooed, gathering things from his inventory that might help you feel better. “Are you okay? What’s up?”

“My head hurts,” is all you could mutter, causing the boy to look upon you sadly but endearingly. “Don’t worry, love, I’ll take care of you.”

“And Paimon!” Paimon interjected, placing her hands on her hips.

With all the plants and other things Aether had collected over his journeys, he had plenty of things that could potentially help you feel better. The only thing was that he wasn’t exactly sure where to start. Him and Paimon would go through everything, trying to recall what they had seen or heard others using, like Tighnari or Baizhu. While this was going on, Aether kept his hand in yours, reassuring you that he wouldn’t be leaving you to face this alone.

The verdict ended up being that neither Aether nor Paimon had any clue as to what to use to help you, but what they could do was make sure that you took it easy for the rest of the day! That being said, Aether hoisted you up into his arms and walked back to the inn you three had been staying in to ensure that you wouldn’t have to wither away under the hot sun like a parched plant. All the way there, he’d murmur little statements of his love for you and how he’d make sure you would feel better in no time.

Once back, he got you tucked back into bed under the soft covers of the inn’s room with a promise of being beside you the whole time. He was as your disposal, so whatever you needed or wanted just let him know! He’d want to cradle you and braid you hair while you laid there pitifully, but he didn’t want to disturb the rest he knew you needed.

Instead, he settled for sitting in the bed beside you, to be near but also not distracting you from sleeping. Even Paimon would be careful of talking too loud or causing any ruckus in the room. They both really care for you and wanted to ensure that you’d be feeling better so you could join them once again!

Even if you did feel 100% better the next day, Aether would probably still be worried and suggest that you two just have one more day of rest before you went out again. “Just think of it as… a cuddle day! Yeah, a cuddle day.”

Who were you to complain about that?

Tighnari:

Being sick? Around Tighnari? Who better to be around when you’re under the weather?

This time, though, it was sudden, taking the both of you by surprise.

First of all, you hadn’t seen the forest watcher all day, since he left before you woke up and when he came back, he was instructed not to disturb you since you had some work to get done.

And it wasn’t because you were incapable of getting any work done with him around, but more often than not, you would find yourself getting distracted and giggling with him rather than completing any tasks you had at hand. Today, though, you needed to complete some data sheets for the research team you were working with before you could find Tighnari and bother him with his work.

It was a little after lunch time when Tighnari heard quick footsteps approaching him. “Master Tighnari!” Collei exclaimed, rushing to meet him, her voice urgent. “I was sent to tell you that-”

“Y/n seems to be sick,” another forest watcher ended. He was part of your research team and he was the one to find you sniffling over your work. “And she won’t stop working even though we told her to take a break.”

Tighnari sighed, though he wasn’t annoyed. This was very like you. “Alright, let’s see what we can do.”

As expected, you immediately tried to say that you weren’t sick, but your congested voice, runny nose, and cough begged to differ. “I have to finish this,” you managed to choke out before being sent into another coughing fit. You tried to slap your boyfriend’s hands away as he reached for your papers, only for him to gently push yours away as a response.

“Well, I’m sure someone else can finish it while you’re out of commission,” Tighnari answered, quickly gathering up your notebooks and papers and handing them off to Collei who gave them to one of your research partners. He placed a hand on your arm and gestured off in the distance toward his home. “Let’s go get you some medicine so you can start feeling better.”

Obviously, since you were with Tighnari, you were going to be given the best treatment the forest could give you. After he gathered some plants and herbs that would begin to help you feel better, he instructed you to lie down and take it easy. With how congested you were, it was hard for you to doze off at first, but Tighnari kept you company until you did. When you finally passed out, he stayed outside the door so he would still be close in the event that you needed him, but he wasn’t directly hovering.

He’s going to be strict with your medicines and healing regimens. The medicine tastes bad? He’s sorry and he’ll try find something to make it better, but you’re not getting out of taking it. You don’t feel like eating? He understands, but you need to, so he’ll make you easier dishes to eat.

But he’s definitely very caring and loving to you the whole time. At night when you can’t sleep, he’ll hold you for a while until you drift off. He’ll play with your hair and pepper kisses on the top of your head while you rest. If he’s out of the house and hears you call for him, he’ll immediately drop whatever he’s doing and check on you and he’ll 100% bring you whatever you’re asking for.

(Unless it’s your work, then you might as well forget about it.) (You probably won’t be seeing it again until you’re feeling 100% better.) (If you convince someone else to get it for you, he will personally fight them for complying knowing you were in no shape to work.)

“Do you really think you’re in the shape to write out all your research? And if you are, do you think the Academiya wants your papers covered in snot?”

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fieryanmitsu · 8 months

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I’m sorry I can’t be normal about this event 😭😭😭. Just going to cry and word vomit some more over Same Age Group ajwbrkfkskakwkngnfkakaknks!!! LOOK AT THEEEEEM! 😭😭😭🥺🥺🥺😭😭😭

I have so many feelings about these three and their friendship. Just look at how relaxed and buddy buddy they are with each other in this image! 😭 I know they’re all tipsy, but it’s still a fact that they’re great friends and their badge for this event is literally along the lines of “today, at the usual place”. It just makes me so warm and fuzzy that they regularly go out to eat and drink together. Like every time I see them talk about it in voicelines, etc. my heart just clenches and now we get a whole card, song and event about them?!?! I die.

And also the fact that the event teaser description is “The "now" that was unimaginable back then is here.” absolutely destroys me (in the best possible way—I’m being bombarded with all the good feels 😭😭😭). For Tasuku and Tsumugi, they’ve finally reconciled after their fallout and now are acting together when they thought it would never happen again. And, more significantly, the fact that Itaru is part of their group now… when, before Mankai, he never would have thought he’d have friends like this. 😭

And it hits even harder when we look at their gacha cards!!

LIKE WTF?! I wasn’t ready for this?!?! What do you mean Itaru is in the background and implies that these three were so CLOSE to being in each other’s lives during their high school years?!?! I daydream constantly about the “what ifs” of Itaru meeting them earlier in life (like I think about it so much I wrote a whole damn AU series about it 😭) and here it is dangling in our faces 😭😭😭. I just love that the theme of their unbloomed cards is all of them in high school, but then when you get to their bloomed cards…

It’s so obvious that they all have such a presence in each other’s lives! 😭 If we look at that event description teaser especially from Itaru’s POV, he never would have imagined he’d be regularly rubbing elbows with two buddies at an izakaya let alone being so comfortable with people that he would TIE HIS SILLY LITTLE HAIRTIE ON TASUKU’S HAIR and DRINK OUT OF A DUMBBELL BEER GLASS (which he is probably doing out of jokes to Tasuku or maybe just straight up got it as a gift from him).

I’m just so happy that Liber obviously found this friendship so important and significant that they gave us this content and I’m here for it 😭😭😭.

Also the song is SO GOOD?!?! It’s so chill but catchy!! I will cry if they ever perform it at a future Blooming Live concert!! I don’t understand the lyrics but the title of the song being “accord” also just hits me in the feels! 😭 It’s such a positive word to describe their relationship!

I really hope someone will translate the event story, event cards and the song lyrics one day!! If anyone sees the translations somewhere, please hit me up!! Or if any translators wants the raws for translation I can totally supply them!

As a side now, I swear SSR Tsumugi gacha cards are always so hard for me to obtain 🙃. It only took 1,595 gems (11 whole 10-pulls) for me to get one copy of him 🫠🫠🫠. I’ll stop talking now and go back to desperately grinding the rest of my unread content for more gems to try and bloom him 😭😭😭.

#a3!#a3! game #a3! act! addict! actors!#tsumugi tsukioka #tasuku takato #itaru chigasaki #anmitsu chats

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giorno-plays-piano · 11 months

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Thorns In His Mouth

Part II

Pairing: fae!Steve Rogers x reader

Warnings: obsession, dubious consent, minor character death, drugs (neither reader nor Steve are involved), slight eating disorder, mentions of tumor, high tech elves.

Words: 1k

Summary: Maybe it was a good idea to chat with a waitress a bit more once she brought you your order. Perhaps she could at least tell you with whom you should speak because you simply couldn’t force yourself to look at others, most of them already high, shouting something loudly or laughing or weeping. You could constantly hear the flapping of someone’s wings, weird whispers and noises, and the sound of boots and hooves that made your hair stand on end.

Part I

________

You frowned at how accurate his words were. For a second, you even thought he could have been watching you when you met with a man on the street, but you dismissed the silly idea. Surely, being a High elf, your friend could easily track Steve down: he had explained fallen elves or any other magic creature in exile could no longer stand up to those who lived in the fae's realm. Steve, looking worn-out as he was, didn't seem like much of a threat.

Maybe you weren't the only one who had been searching for some fair folk relative in exile, and that's why Steve knew.

"I'm impressed though, I must say. I saw lesser fae doing this for someone important, but never humans," the elf cocked his head to the side again, letting his bleached hair fall on the dirty table. "You must be very reliable."

You stared at your colorful cupcake on the plate, suddenly feeling ashamed. "I'm not, really. I'm just indebted to him."

"I'm sure you are," Steve continued, "but humans can easily forget about favors done for them, unlike fae, you see."

As you stilled, an unreadable expression on your face, the man brushed a lock of his hair away from his face, dropping his gaze to the table top as if he realized he was unintentionally rude.

"Don't take it the wrong way. It's just how you humans are," he muttered under his breath, and your face softened at his visible discomfort.

You exhaled loudly, wondering why the stranger was still sitting at your table after learning about your reasons. "I suppose."

"So this means you are reliable, surely. I'd say you're pretty brave if you decided to come here, of all places," he gestured somewhere to the side, pointing to the cafe and all those creatures who had their fair share of fun while you two talked. "Unless you like to hang out with a similar company."

Distracted from the noise and all the craziness happening around, you quickly came back to your senses and forced whatever words you wanted to say down your throat, squeezing your eyes shut at the sight of a hairy long-eared creature vomitting on the floor just beside Steve. Damn, this place was revolting. You just couldn't stand sitting here, but you were afraid to move from your chair just as much.

"I guess not," elf said with a shrug. "Take a bite of your cupcake, you'll feel better."

You very much doubted it, but the fair folk was prohibited from harming humans, so, probably, it wouldn't be too bad. Maybe the sweet taste would keep away the disgust you felt.

Steve smiled, "Not bad, huh? I know the cook. He loves baking."

Well, the cupcake was certainly tasty, and the sugary frosting made it feel so much better than you anticipated that you ate it nearly in one bite. You didn't expect it to be good, really, knowing the waitress was handing her customers some suspicious liquids and powders along with needles instead of food.

Actually, she could as well put a drug in that cupcake, and you wouldn't even know.

"Woah, relax there," the elf said when you nearly forgot all about his existence. "That's just a dessert. You asked for some sugar yourself, right? They wouldn't serve you anything beside your own type of poison.

"You sure? I mean, it's not like they can't pretend they know nothing about drugs," a shiver ran down your spine as you said it, suddenly feeling hot.

Steve rolled his eyes, pointing at the waitress busy serving others, "Look at her carefully. See? She's a fairy. She can't lie. It'd be easier to make a stone talk than to make her bring you a drug you don't want."

For a second, you stared at the white plate with several red crumbs on it, asking yourself what could you do if you really swallowed a drug. If you were to catch a taxi and run to a hospital, what would you say about being drugged? Would they even identify the substance? Would they know what to do with it?

Watching a waitress blew up a pink bubble with her mouth, you thought it didn't feel like eating a drug. Maybe you were alright. Maybe it was just your fear and nothing else because the fairy didn't bring Steve any drugs either, right?

"I think I need to, uh, get going," you said, waiving to the waitress to get a check. "I don't know much about elves living here, but it doesn't seem like the one I'm looking for is in the café."

"You sure? Don't you wanna ask me?"

Staring at the painfully skinny man who was leisurely tucking a strand of hair behind his long ear, you froze on the spot. Could he be the one you're looking for? He was definitely an elf.

"I don't have anyone looking for me, if you must know," he smirked as if he knew what you were thinking, and you rubbed your eyes in irritation, feeling like it was too much for today.

Elves, drugs, poisons, scary-looking creatures retching around, a suspicious, unkept man with horribly-looking hair ... Damn, you just wanted to leave. You wanted to leave so much that you nearly thought of giving up on your promise.

"Well, then I should be going," you tried to stand up, waiving to the waitress still chatting with some fae with a funny looking long nose, but Steve suddenly made a move with his hand, and you sat down immediately against your will, gaping at him. "What was that?!"

_________

"Shhh, don't panic. I just meant I could give you a hand if you wanna keep looking for this elf. But not for free, of course, if you know what I mean."

Part III

Tags: @finleyjayne @alexakeyloveloki @helenaeisenhower @villanellevi @inlovewiththefictionalcharacters @navegandoaciegas @rosalynshields @sllooney @angrythingstarlight @lookiamtrying @buckysbunny @soleil-dor @stargazingfangirl18 @dillybuggg @literate-lamb @cosicas-cuquis @sarge-barnes-sir @buckybarnesplumwhore @jaysayey @megzdoodle @gotnofucks @lux-ravenwolf @biiskuitx @stupendouslovegardener @melodierin @yeolliedokai @what-is-your-wish @lou-la-lou @gachawipes133 @eralen @magnificantmermaid @lovelydarkdaydream @illyrianprincess @youngdreamer3214

#yandere #steve rogers x reader #dark steve rogers x reader #dark steve rogers #steve rogers #captain america #mcu fanfiction

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fastcardotmp3 · 11 months

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The White Rabbit (Part 1/3)

Because Eddie does a headcount.

And there are five people, not four, standing at the bottom of this dried up lake, and one of them is tearing the final bat in half with his bare hands.

Robin chokes, hunches over and vomits straight onto the ground.

Fair enough, considering they’re looking at Steve Harrington.

Fair enough, considering they’re looking at a dead man.

read on ao3 | playlist

steddie - 17k words - rated M excerpt under the cut

“I’m,” Eddie clears his throat, which has Robin looking at him closely, “I’m. Cashing in on it.”

Steve’s shoulders slump, unimpressed deadpan to his tone as he repeats, “cashing in on it.”

“Yep,” Eddie grins as smarmy and smug as he can. “You, Steve Harrington, owe me a favor. In case you forgot.”

“Since when?” Steve makes a face, all scrunched towards the center with befuddled disbelief like Eddie has just said something of personal offense to him.

Eddie, for his part, can’t help but grin when Steve makes that face.

“Since forever, probably,” he shrugs, “who cares, but you definitely owe me for something at some point since you’re, y’know, a fuckin’ bastard and a half, so I’m cashing in.”

Steve stares him down, scowl only growing as Eddie stares at him right back with a closed-lipped smirk of a grin, Robin looking between the two of them like she’s watching a tennis match for all of three seconds of silent communication until she’s snorting, throwing her hands up, and walking in between the two of them with the declaration—

“I’m taking my ten. Or, like, my however long this takes.”

She waggles her fingers at Steve in a little wave and Steve, in return, rolls his eyes in a way that’s far too fond for the interaction, but which makes sense with the synced-up movement as Robin disappears into the back through the door and Steve hops through the window and take her place up front.

A well-oiled machine, the two of them, but not the point of Eddie crashing their work day.

“Do I actually owe you a favor or is this your way of telling me you got new stock in?” Steve leans forward onto his hands at the counter in the same moment when Eddie leans back with the cross of his arms over his chest, flannel tied around his waist swaying with the motion.

“I mean, you definitely owe me a favor,” Eddie shrugs, “but both things can be true.”

“You realize I pay you, right? With cash?” Steve snarks, and it’s such a thing with him, tone, that Eddie feels like he’s constantly relearning how to read the book of Harrington, the layers of distaste and amusement and genuine good guy syndrome hidden somewhere underneath. “Is that not favor enough any-fucking-more?”

“Oh, dear Steve,” Eddie smirks, forces it out despite the roll of his gut that he’s chosen to ignore for now and also forever thank you very much, “the money is for the good shit, but you helping me fix the rail on my porch is for, y’know, the kid tax.”

Steve makes a face. He’s kind of the king of making faces, and faces that work their way between Eddie’s ribs specifically, but this isn’t something Steve’s gonna win with a quirk of the brow and a frown to his lips.

The kid tax is Eddie’s own personal self destruct mode after all– the kind designed to take anyone in the remote vicinity down with him– it’s all his fear wrapped up in a set of rules that no one but him knows in their entirety and it affects Steve Harrington’s drug habit pretty exclusively.

Steve is all reluctant exasperation in a little hat as he all but actually rolls his eyes at Eddie. He looks away, looks everywhere except Eddie’s eye, and grumbles, “I get off at six.”

The most telling part about that?

Eddie hasn’t really won either.

read on ao3

#dot fic #steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #steve x eddie #steddie stranger things #WR fic #I've been banging my head against the wall about this fic for months it's yours now BYE gotta start part 2

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th3sp4rr0w · 6 months

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Chapter Sixteen

A03 Link <- Starts at Chapter/Day One for those just joining us :))

Prompts For Day Sixteen Amputation/Chronic Pain/Hospital

Alt. Prompt For Day Sixteen Lab Rat

Prompts Used for Day Sixteen Amputation, Hospitals

Tw's; Medical Experimentation, Amputation, Dubious Medical Accuracy, Dissociation, Vomit *Note; The amputation happens on screen. If you cannot handle that sort of content right now, please don't read.

(If you saw this post before the edit no you didn't)

Chapter Sixteen under the cut :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Becoming Robin had been a dream. It hadn’t been something entirely positive at first, and he’d struggled. Some days felt harder than others. But having the chance to change what it meant to be the Boy Wonder? That had been the dream.

Being from the alley had meant a lot for kids like him, especially after his mom died. It meant that most adults weren’t to be trusted. It meant cold nights and shoplifting food and medicine when he needed it. It meant stealing tires until he was old enough to be trusted to do other things.

It especially meant avoiding any ‘hero’ types that thought dropping kids off in the foster system was helping. It wasn’t helping. It was taking them from everything they’d ever known, leaving behind siblings and family members for no good reason and going somewhere that, no matter how they tried to paint it, was worse than living on the streets. Most of the foster families he’d ever had were just power-hungry adults that thought that every foster kid they had should be kissing their heals just because they decided they knew better.

He changed that. Batman and Nightwing knew that the kids Jason interacted with couldn’t be touched, not without him losing his mind. They’d only tried once, when he was shiny and new. After weeks of tantrums and yelling and sneaking around, he’d tracked every kid down to make sure they were alright and broke the ones that didn’t want to be there out. Alfred made them have a talk after that stunt. He chewed out Dick and Bruce, to his surprise, and they compromised. The alleys were Jason’s, for the most part. Bruce would help any kid that wanted out, and vetted the foster homes they went to himself, with Jason helping.

The people of the alley loved him. He knew them, he breathed them- he'd been marked in a way that was irreversible and he wore it with pride. It’d been a dream come true to protect them, to serve them; that was the part he’d loved the most.

He’d never once wondered if it was worth it. Questioned if he was making a mistake. He never thought he’d be wondering that because of a situation he was in; he always thought he’d be wondering that one day because of a casualty or something.

Sitting here, curled on a cot with a twin he’d never known existed until a few weeks ago and hadn’t met until... a day ago? Several days ago?

Time was so weird here. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew it was a technique in torture to deny your victim access to time. He’d always thought that was stupid. Surely it couldn’t have been that bad. He’d never known how disorientating it would feel.

He looked over to Phantom, who was still asleep. It’s been... at least a day, he thinks, since they were given the tablets and Phantom got muzzled. They’ve healed nearly completely; even the bruise on Phantom’s head he’d come in with that had remained stubborn had dissipated. His hand healed, which was a little freaky but he’d take it. The only thing that they’d done is have Agent J come in periodically to take photos and leave.

He thinks, vaguely, somewhere in him he should be grateful that nothing had happened since then. He was relieved, somewhere deep down, but mostly he was suspicious and terrified. It felt like they were constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. Every time they picked up the jingle of keys was like hearing something growling in the bushes during a camping trip. Would this be the time? Is this how it ends? Would he ever get to say goodbye to his loved ones?

He held Phantom’s hand tight. He’d been trying to reach Ellie, but he hadn’t even gotten a message back yet. He was beginning to worry about her. Hell, Jason had never met the little girl and he was worried about her.

He heard the jingle. He quickly shook Phantom awake as the doorknob started to move.

Phantom had already gotten better at bolting up and pretending he wasn’t rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. Jason would probably feel bad about that if it wasn’t such a valuable resource.

Agent J walked in with Agent V in tow. They looked at the boys, their hands linked, bodies tensed.

“We are moving you,” they stated coldly. “You’ve been cleared for further testing.”

Agent V walked over, holding two chains. She clipped them to their collars, holding them both in one hand. She began walking.

They had no choice but to follow.

Disbelief-Annoyance-Humiliation

“Same,” he thought to himself. Didn’t Phantom say simple words could travel through this link?

He got an idea. He concentrated hard.

Woof

Shock-Amusement-Disbelief

He could feel Phantom shaking with restrained laughter. Jason didn’t dare look over at him, attempting to control himself.

The agents led them through what Jason suspected was designed to be an intentionally confusing winding path of hallways. Every step brought more dread pooling into his gut, even despite his attempt at humor. He had a sneaking suspicion Danny felt similar. It was never a good sign to have two heroes getting the same bad feeling.

When they got to the room the agents were leading them to, they saw two different cots. He recognized several medical machines, like EKG’s and heart monitors and I.V. bag infusers ready and set up. There were gauze and suture kits lined up on the table. They had a covered cart of unknown medical supplies at the ready. They had a crash cart sitting to one side.

He really didn’t have a good feeling about this.

“You’ve healed enough that we feel it wise to start testing your more human sides,” Agent J was saying. “Subject F, over here,” they patted the cot to the left, “Subject T is over here,” they pointed to the right.

They looked at each other. Phantom shrugged and went over to the left cot. Jason went over to the right.

The chain yanked uncomfortably until Agent J removed it with a huff. “Honestly, Agent V, how many times do I need to remind you? You need to be anticipating what I want and displays of negligence to your post like this are unbecoming, especially for an agent of your standing.”

Agent V noticeably twitched. “Yes, boss. My apologies,” they grit out.

Jason took a deep breath, looking over to Phantom. They didn’t know what to expect out of this.

Agent J started digging into the cart, audibly shifting things around. When they popped back up, Agent V had a tape recorder out and ready.

They smiled. “See! Was that so hard, Agent V? That’s all I ask; for you to anticipate instead of sitting there looking, well... as pretty as you can.”

Jason took a deep breath. That was a low blow. How did these guys treat actual people if this was how they were treating each other?

Agent V apparently felt similar because she growled a bit under her breath as Agent J snatched the ancient device out of her hand. Didn’t Dick have one of those when he was a kid? Gross.

“Log 39 on subjects F and T,” they stated, “This is Agent J speaking, here with Agent V. We’ve gotten the green light for several experiments we’ve been wanting to run. We will be doing several small-scale experiments today, results pending. The results of those experiments will influence the total number of experiments and the intensity. We have agents L through P on standby in case there are any more incidents, as these two seem to be prone to when under duress.

“The first experiment today will be using sanguis surrexerunt, commonly known as ‘blood blossoms’. The flower is rare but has been used throughout history to ward off ghosts. Previous testing has proven that the rumored effects are true, having caused several subjects to destabilize in the past. What we are looking for today is what effects, if any, they have on the hybrids and whether they are able to withstand the effects of the flower or not.”

DANGER-DANGER-DANGER

Jason looked at Phantom as the agent kept talking. He was near hyperventilating, eyes wide and glassy.

He wondered what that was about as he watched Agent V out of the corner of his eye. She took the sealed container Agent J was holding and opened it.

His eyes started to water. Phantom looked like he was having flashbacks, his eyes wide. He was rocking back and forth on the cot.

“Subjects seem to be in no physical duress,” Agent J muttered. “I will continue recording when the experiment is over. I will be giving an oral report, however my findings will be marked down as they happen, as per standard protocol.”

Agent V brought a table over to put between them, setting the container down.

“Alright, Agent V, you go get the next experiment prepped. I will sit here and continue monitoring the subjects.”

Indignity-Annoyance-Calm

DANGER-DANGER-DANGER

Jason frowned. Calm-Safe-Reassurance

He fought the urge to look back over to Phantom, training his gaze on the agents. Maybe if he could unnerve them...

Agent J sat in the chair, making observations. The flower had been a minor annoyance, but so far had not caused any adverse effects on him.

He heard a whimper from Phantom and caved. He looked towards the other boy, curious.

He was rocking back and forth, distressed. He looked like he was going to start crying at any second.

The agent did not react.

“Phantom?” He finally asked. “Are you okay?’

Phantom shook his head frantically. Out of the corner of his eye he saw the agent rise.

They grabbed his hair as he whined pitifully. They shined a light in his eyes. They wrenched his mouth open, shining it down his throat. They hummed.

“You’re fine. Stop faking a more severe reaction, you’re skewing my results.”

Jason scoffed quietly. He reached out-

“Stop that,” they smacked his hand away. “We can’t have you two attached at the hip. If you don’t stop it, we’ll have no choice but to separate you,” they said sternly. “No matter what the department head thinks about it,” they muttered under their breath.

Jason fought the urge to yell. Calm-Reassurance-Protective

DANGER-DANGER-DANGER

About five minutes passed. Danny hadn’t really calmed down, but he was doing a remarkable job pretending he had. It was like everything had turned off. He looked like Dick did the day he showed up at the manor at 4 in the morning after his first outing with a student he’d trained. He’d had the same look in his eyes; Dick didn’t react to anything for hours. It had been terrifying then and it wasn’t any better now.

The agent looked down at their watch and marked something down. “Alright,” they mumbled, “It’s time to move on to round two.”

They grabbed two of the flowers.

The deep red of the middle reminded him of blood. He supposed that was how it got its name. The dark center faded into a deep, beautiful purple color that morphed into black at the edges of the petals. It was vaguely shaped like a rose.

It was beautiful. He supposed he could see why people would like it; it smelled vaguely like honey and something sickly sweet. He bet it would be delicious.

The agent placed a flower in front of each boy. Something in him made his breath hitch.

It felt like he was being stared down by a predator. He figured Phantom’s constant stream of DANGER-DANGER-DANGER was warranted based on his own primal instinct.

It was only through rigorous training by Batman that he managed to control his breathing. He forced himself to breathe normally; he could tell his airways were still clear, but snot was starting to run out of his nose. He could still feel his eyes water; he wished he had his cape to wipe his eyes with. He settled for his glove.

The agent watched him and took notes. The longer they spent there the more he felt like an animal in a cage. Sometimes he felt like they were a rare species of ape at the zoo being ogled at; other times he felt akin to a lab rat, being poked and prodded. He was vaguely scared he was going to wake up to a clone one of these days.

He swallowed. If these people figured out clones were a thing they’d likely have a big, big problem on their hands. He hoped they never did.

Hope had never gotten him very far in life. He could only pray it worked this time.

It was boring, sitting there. He tried to think of something entertaining. He thought of the fic he had started writing way before he got sick; he wondered what his followers would think of this update. He wondered what the baby bird was doing. He was certain Dick wasn’t going to be happy with him.

His only comfort was knowing that this (Maybe? Probably?) would’ve happened anyways. Even if he wouldn’t have gotten captured if he hadn’t gone out, Danny probably would’ve. Regardless of what happened to them, he was glad he was here with him. That they were together. He could’ve lived his whole life without this.

The thought made something in his chest pang. He... wasn’t sure how to say it, but he loved his brothers. He couldn’t imagine his future without either of them being there. Having attachments had always been terrifying to him when he was younger, especially after his mom, but some things are just... natural. People get attached. Attachment was to be a person.

Danny sat on the bed, staring at the blossom. He looked at it like it was something much, much worse than a flower. Jason wouldn’t doubt it if that were true.

Once again, the agent looked down at their watch and wrote something down. “Pick up the flowers,” they ordered.

Jason watched Danny- no, Phantom, as he reached out a shaking hand. Once he was certain the other boy was following the direction, he followed it himself. He got the sense that he was purposely touching an electric fence or trying to pet an aggressive tiger.

He looked over to Phantom, who had the blossom in between two fingers. He held it as far away from the rest of him as he could, arm resting on his knee. Jason had the vague sense he should’ve been smarter than cupping it in one hand, bringing it closer to inspect it.

He looked down at the center of the flower, spotting the dark seeds within. They looked more like poppy seeds than that of a rose bush. He vaguely expected his hand to start tingling.

His cheek itched. His legs and hands followed suit. It was like he was being tickled everywhere all at once; he fought the urge to scratch. He squirmed.

He finally caved, scratching his right leg first. He saw Phantom out of the corner of his eye doing the same, starting with his chest.

The agent started writing faster, gaining a small grin. It was like they enjoyed this. They probably did.

He tried to wipe his nose and scratch his scars at the same time. He nearly dropped the blood blossom as he did so.

“Keep a hold of that, subject T,” the agent barked.

He adjusted his grip. He got the feeling he shouldn’t crush the flower unless he wanted everything to get worse; he kept it cupped in his hand, squirming against the rough cot, trying to get relief.

The agent was suddenly in front of them, grabbing the blossoms. “The next step was supposed to be ingestion,” they said out loud, “However, based on these results, I will omit that. For now,” they said under their breath. “We have more tests to conduct today, so we will be moving on to those.”

Jason tried to bury the flash of fear. If this was only one of the tests...

Agent J scribbled in their notepad for a moment before producing a razor from their pocket. They grabbed Jason’s wrist first. He tried not to flinch as they cut through the scar tissue sitting there, creating a cut about an inch long.

They cleaned off the razor as blood dripped down his arm. They did the same to Phantom.

They took a blood blossom and started pulling it apart into several bowls. The itching had been going down, but as they tore into the blossom, Jason could feel it begin to itch once more. He figured he was right to not crush the flower while he was holding it; he’s not sure what would’ve happened, but if it was this bad across the room from him, he didn’t want to know what it would be like up close.

They sorted through the petals, lining two rows in a gradient, from the very edge of the flower to the inside. They placed two seeds at the end of each row.

They grabbed a gauze pad and cut it into four pieces. They grabbed the medical tape.

They placed the petal on the bottom layer, then a piece of gauze, then a piece of medical tape on top. They prepared another before placing one on top of each boy’s cut.

It burned. It made him squirm and, looking at Danny, he could see that he felt the same way. He actively dug his hand into his thigh to prevent himself from scratching at it; he had a feeling he was in for a punishment if he removed it. Danny did something similar, sinking his teeth into his arm to distract himself.

He had begun to whimper again. The agent ignored them, simply observing their distress once again and writing down their observations. He took a deep breath.

A long, pitiful whine took over his throat. The instinctual urge to scratch himself raw began to consume him; it felt like he needed this thing off now-

He looked down. He could see his skin begin to turn black around the gauze. The agent noticed as well, going over and peeling off the tape holding it there.

The wound had gotten worse. It looked like....

His eyes widened. Where the petal had been had begun to rot his skin; he could see the decaying flesh.

The agent cursed and grabbed Danny’s arm, ripping his gauze off. His arm also had a rotted mark on it where the cut used to reside.

They went back over to the cart, grabbing medical instruments and going over to the door, opening it and popping their head out. “Someone get me Agent V!” they called before turning back.

They sat in front of Phantom, grabbing his arm and scraping roughly at the rotted skin. His hand began to twitch and tense.

“Stop that,” they hissed.

Danny breathed harshly for a few seconds before saying, “I can-can't help-”

“If you don’t stop it, I will cut it off.”

He whimpered, visibly trying to get his hand under control. Agent V walked in at that moment.

“Agent J, you needed me?”

“Yes,” they grit out, “Experiment went slightly awry. Scrape out his wound, if we leave it like this it may spread,” they said and pointed to the tools they haphazardly spilled on the table between the cots.

She didn’t say a word before going over to Jason’s cot. He scrambled to cross his legs before they got there. They sat down and grabbed some of the tools, starting to harshly scrape at his wound.

He tried not to flinch. Every scrape of her blade felt like it was directly on a nerve. He refused to cry or cry out; it didn’t work very well. It was getting trapped under his masks; he had a suspicion that they already knew his civilian identity, but he didn’t want to give them the satisfaction. He didn’t want to give them any more information than he absolutely had to, not that it was much beyond the things they’d personally witnessed. These idiots somehow hadn’t realized they could just, you know, ask them for certain information... not that Jason knew much to begin with.

Oh well. Probably best they didn’t start interrogating Danny for information. He hadn’t known the other boy long, but he had the feeling he was a terrible liar.

“That’s it!” the agent shouted, throwing down the tool.

Jason looked over to Danny, whose hand was shaking uncontrollably. He had tears streaming down his cheeks; he was whimpering.

“What’s it whining about?” the agent in front of Jason asked. She yanked on his arm, pulling him closer and scraping harder the more agitated she became.

He eventually took the tool from her, “I’ll do it,” he hissed.

She looked at him and shrugged.

He... almost couldn’t believe that worked. He started scraping the wound himself.

He glanced up at the agents every now and again, who were talking to themselves. When Jason was done clearing his throbbing wound, he looked over to Danny. The boy had his arm pressed close to his chest, curled around it. He could vaguely see his hand still twitching; he could see his scars faintly glowing.

He looked over to the agents. He carefully got off of the cot and climbed onto Danny’s, grabbing a new tool. He gently pulled his arm over to him, beginning to continue scraping it out. The heaving sobs made it more difficult than it otherwise would’ve been, but it was getting done. He had just finished when he was grabbed by the collar and lifted up.

“Hey-!” he protested. “I’m almost done-"

“We didn’t give you permission, ghostie,” Agent V hissed in his ear. “I outta-”

“The blood blossoms are off the table,” Agent J said immediately. They were holding what looked to be a machete.

Jason really hoped that wasn’t for what he thought it was for.

“How else am I supposed to punish it?” Agent V asked, bored.

Agent J raised an eyebrow. “How about you come over here? I will deal with Subject T.”

Agent V’s face lit up. “Really?”

They rolled their eyes. “Now, agent,” they commanded.

She practically ran over, taking Danny’s arm in her hand.

Agent J looked at Jason for a moment before grabbing some sort of cuff. They wrapped one around his wrist and the other to the bed as they watched Agent V look at the weapon in her hand like she was a small child holding a new toy.

“You’d better watch,” they hissed. “Unless you want the same punishment.”

He had a horrible feeling about this.

He watched in sickening realization as the agent brought the weapon down on the joint of Danny’s hand and wrist. He cried out as it started spurting blood.

“This,” Agent V said cruely, “Is what happens when you don’t listen to us! You were told to stop moving your hand,” she stopped to grab him by his hair as he tried to back away, “But you did it anyways, didn’t you?! Answer me!"

“Yes!” he wailed. Jason watched in wide-eyed horror as she grabbed the weapon and bore it down again, hitting the same place as before.

“You see, subject T,” the agent whispered in his ear, “This is what happens when you don’t listen. You get punished.”

The sick bubbled up in Jason until he couldn’t hold it anymore. His stomach emptied out onto the floor in front of him. He felt a hand in his hair, forcing him to look up.

“Watch,” they hissed. “You will be cleaning that later,” they added.

Jason nodded as he watched in horror.

Something in his brain went fuzzy. He was watching; he could see when the hand was severed, hanging on by little bits of flesh and not-quite severed tendon. He watched as Agent V cut the remaining bits with medical scissors and cauterized the wound. His whole head felt like it was underwater; he couldn’t hear anybody clearly.

He was pushed onto the floor, paper towels and cleaners shoved at him. He stared at the vomit before robotically cleaning it up, tossing the used towels away.

Wipe, toss. Wipe, toss. Spray, wipe, toss. Spray, wipe, toss.

He thought of Alfred’s roses, how he helped Alfred tend to them and, occasionally, replant some of the bushes in other areas. Besides being in the kitchen, it was their favorite bonding activity.

He didn’t think he liked it so much anymore.

Someone else came in. He could vaguely hear them beginning to fight with the other agents as he cleaned.

“… Weren’t supposed to do that! This wasn’t approved-”

“We were going to have to test it eventually, anyways! Besides, it misbehaved-”

“He was in pain! You were using blood blossoms; you don’t think those hurt-”

“Please, it’s a plant, how much damage-"

“It destabilizes the core! You don’t think that causes some pain-"

He finished cleaning and vaguely looked around. He forced himself back into his body; his hearing was still weird, but he ignored it.

His hearing hadn’t been quite right since Ethiopia, anyways.

He spotted Danny, cradling his stump on the cot. He crawled up onto the small thing with him, pulling him into his arms.

He pressed his face into Jason’s middle, crying. Jason ran fingers through his hair, untangling it. They were both getting quite greasy and dirty; he wanted a shower so bad. He wasn’t about to ask if they could get in.

He looked down at their shoes. Danny’s black sneakers were worn down with use, the sole nearly fallen off. In comparison with his nearly pristine Robin boots Bruce makes sure to have replaced at least once a year according to Dick...

And Phantom’s parents had been scientists. That didn’t sit right with him; from the little snippets he’d heard about them, they should be able to afford their kid a decent pair of sneakers.

Phantom had been training his collar to not go off when he used his powers. He’d made some decent progress; they’ve concluded it is ectoplasm in the collars reacting to their powers. He got up to two fingers intangible yesterday.

Jason had been trying to do something similar, but because he never had control of his powers to begin with, he’d just ended up shocked twice. Danny forbade him from trying again. Their plan for escape looked more solid by the day. But this?

Jason wasn’t sure what this meant, but he knew that they couldn’t just ignore it. He wasn’t sure if Phantom’s hand would even regrow. He was the only one out of the two of them that could use their powers. Their escape plan was looking less likely.

The agents stopped talking. Jason looked up from tending to his brother when he caught movement in the corner of his eye.

A woman with blonde hair sat in front of them. She had smile lines and her hair was in a low ponytail. She smiled pleasantly at him.

Agent A reached a hand out to his shoulder. He fought not to throw it off.

“Hi, Robin,” she said quietly. “I’m sorry they did this. Why don’t you give him to me and we can get you two back in your room, yeah?”

Jason wordlessly held up Danny’s stump. He saw her face twitch.

“They didn’t bandage it up?!” she hissed. She visibly composed herself. “I’ll dress that for him. Do you have the mark on your arm, hon?"

He nodded. He slid Danny off of his lap and onto the cot, as much as it pained him to do so. Danny looked up at him. He whimpered.

“Hey, honey, no,” she soothed. “It’s okay, he needs to get a bandage on that, like I need to get gauze on this, yeah?”

She brushed her fingertips against his forearm. He whimpered again, obviously out of it.

Jason forced himself to look away; the faster he got this done, the faster he could go back and soothe his brother.

He ripped open a gauze pad package with his teeth, pulling it out quickly and folding it to pack the deep wound on his arm. He pressed it down as best as he could while he grabbed the medical tape in his hand. He caught it on his finger to pull a good size piece off the roll, leaning down and biting it off. He used his middle finger to hold the gauze in place while his thumb and pointer caught the tape on the edge of his skin; he rubbed it to activate the glue before he maneuvered his hand to get the rest of it on.

He rubbed at it while he went over to the cot, climbing by Danny’s good side. He took his remaining hand in his and rubbed circles into the skin.

“You get that good enough, honey?” Agent A asked. Jason wordlessly held up his arm with the bandage on it.

She nodded. “I’m so sorry, boys,” she said lowly. “I should’ve gotten here earlier when I heard they were doing experiments.”

Jason sat there, wordless. It was like everything he’d ever been, everything he’d ever be was sapped from his body. There were no words left in him to say.

She sighed and finished packing his wound. She wrapped it in medical tape.

“I’ll put these away before we leave,” she said, gesturing to the blood blossoms.

Jason nodded.

He watched as she changed her gloves. She made sure the new pair were on securely and had no holes before she cleaned up the flowers. She handled them with care as she put them back into the container and sealed them back up.

He stroked down Danny’s back as the last of the sobs wracked his body. He comforted the other boy as easily as he did breathing; it wasn’t something he had to think about.

Soon, Danny was passed out in his arms. When Agent A was done cleaning up, she pulled the gloves off and washed her hands thoroughly. She attempted to pick Danny up.

“I’ve got him,” was the only thing Jason could say.

“Hon, he’s your size. You can’t carry him to your room comfortably,” she tried to reason with him.

Jason shook his head, gathering Danny up anyways. He rested the other boy’s head on his shoulder and put him on his lap, making sure he had him in his grip before hopping down himself. “I got him,” he repeated softly.

She looked at him sadly. “I know you have every reason not to trust me, especially considering what happened today,” she said, voice quiet, “But just so you know, you can ask me for help. I’m not like the others; I won’t hurt you for no good reason.”

Jason nodded mutely. He followed the agent out as she led him back down the labyrinth of halls; the twists and turns they took felt like he’d made them centuries ago instead of... a few hours, max.

When they got to their room, she helped Jason get Danny safely laid down on the cot.

Before she left, she pulled something out of her bag. “These are for you,” she said quietly. “I believe you two are still human, and you must be feeling some big feelings. I’m giving these to you.”

She pressed two notebooks, one red and one blue, into his hand. “These are blank journals. You can hide them in the cupboard under the cabinets. I have a couple pens with me, here-”

She pulled out two of the clickable sharpie pens. Jason looked at them a moment before taking them. “Thank you,” he said softly.

She cupped his cheek. “I was going to give them to you two today when I got in; I’m sorry it had to be under these circumstances. I have to go now,” she started towards the door, “But I hope you use them. Oh!”

She faced him fully, standing by the door. “I was cleaning in here a bit earlier and noticed the empty water bottles. I filled them up for you guys; they’re in the cupboard. I also got a few snacks for you.”

With that, she left. He looked at the journals.

He walked over to the counter, setting them down along with the pens. He crouched down.

She had cleared out the bits and bobs that had been shoved into the cabinet and had their water bottles full of water, as promised. She’d also put a case of water in there, something she hadn’t mentioned. She had a variety of different fruit jerkies, cliff bars and such in with them.

He decided to hide some of the food in his belt. He knew what it was like to be given something and have it taken away; some of the foster families he’d been stuck with before Bruce hadn’t exactly been kind.

He felt vaguely... bad, for not trusting her. Then again, she’d never given them a reason to trust her.

He could talk to Danny about the journals later; about what they’d use them for, if anything, and the like. He looked up.

He’d spent a great deal of time staring at the ceiling. There wasn’t much else to do; there weren’t exactly board games stuffed in every corner. He’d noticed the tile didn’t look too secure; it looked kind of like a public school’s, with the crumbly kind of long tile that breaks if a rubber ball hits it at the right angle.

He climbed onto the counter, holding onto the cupboards above for balance as he checked the tiles. It wasn’t valuable in terms of escape routes, but it was valuable in terms of a hiding spot. He could easily slip the journals in and out when he wanted to; they just had to be careful about not getting caught.

He slid the journals, pens fit snugly in the spirals, in the cubby hole before taking all the food out of his belt. They were sealed, so he didn’t mind sticking it into the space. He hopped down.

He didn’t dare risk putting the water bottles in the same spot; they would be way too heavy for the tiles to support. He opened the cupboard, grabbing some pineapple jerky and a water bottle before closing it.

He decided to keep most of the food in the cabinet. Agent A might not think much of it if a small amount goes missing at once, but she’ll definitely notice if all of it is gone the next time she checks the cabinet.

The only good part about this place was that the agents had started taking them to the bathroom periodically after the first... accident, after they transformed into their human forms. Most of them still hadn’t stopped to wonder what ‘waste’ they had to expel, but hey, progress.

He opened the jerky and bottle of water. He still didn’t have much in terms of an appetite but after days of living off cliff bars and dealing with his blood sugar lows, he knew he needed something else before he got sick.

He pulled down his mask and ate quickly, draining the water bottle in seconds. He kept vigil by Danny’s side, like a guard dog with something to prove. He put the bottle and the wrapper in the back of the cabinet before taking his post again.

He went over the information in his head. He was going to let Danny pick which journal he wanted first, but he couldn’t wait to write all his ideas down.

His fingers ghosted the pouch he’d stuck the small gun in. He’d fiddled with it a few times, but he still wasn’t sure how to tell Danny about it-

He exhaled. He used to be so good about not calling civilian names in the field, even in his head. Batman had always expressed so much emphasis on the importance of secret identities and the like, and here he was, messing all of that up. He truly had become a different person.

In a way he was glad they didn’t have a mirror. Sure, he was certain his hair was a mess and it’d be nice to wash his face, but beyond that he wasn’t sure he wanted to look at himself.

The longer they were here, the more he could pick out the ways he’d changed. He used to be able to keep his civilian life and night life separate; he used to think better on his feet; he used to be full of scathing comments, the kind that made the person question whether they’d even been insulted or not.

He used to-

He paused. He hadn’t exercised once since they got here. The idea hit him like a wall of bricks.

Who was he anymore? His own bile mixed with the pineapple jerky in the back of his throat, making a rancid combination.

He was acting like he’d already given up. He... he wasn’t Robin anymore. He could never go back to being Robin when he got back.

He couldn’t be Jason Todd. Jason Todd couldn’t deal with this situation. But what to call himself?

Sparrow? No, that didn’t sound like a good fit. Swallow? Nope, his brother’s name was Dick, he’d never hear the end of it from Barbara.

How did Dick pick his names again?... That’s right. His parents had called him Robin, and Superman had told him a Kryptonian tale about Nightwing and... Flamebird? He thinks? When he was looking to move out of the role. He briefly considered it before remembering Flamebird was Nightwing’s romantic partner.

He thought about it for a few more minutes. Bruce got his name because he was afraid of bats. Dick got his... honoring his parents. He paused for a moment.

The only reason Bruce got in the game was because his parents were gunned down in front of him. Dick went in trying to avenge his parent’s death. They both did this in their memory.

Willis and Sheila were never his parents, not in the way that mattered. His papa, Bruce, was still alive. He thought about Catherine, the old tales she used to tell him.

Her favorite author had been Jane Austen. She didn’t have many actual favorites in life; she felt in extremes, either loving something or hating it. The few times she actually had a favorite of something and stuck with it, Jason listened.

Her favorite bird had always been a cardinal.

He thought about it for a minute. He did look good in red.

If he didn’t like it later, he could change it. He wasn’t sure why he had a chance at this life; everything suggested he shouldn’t be sitting here, still somewhat alive right now. He was getting out of here, and he was doing it for his mom.

Cardinal thought back to when he first started training with the bats. Batman and Alf had him doing basic exercises daily.

He started out with squats, pushing his muscles and seeing where he was.

He wasn’t going to sit around hoping someone would come along. He wasn’t a baby robin that had been pushed out of the nest.

He and Phantom were going to get out of here.

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