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teacuptoast · 1 year

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Swallow Your Pride

GIF by bitchbloggerspost

Relation: Young Justice x platonic! gn! reader

Warnings: Self-destructive tendencies, Alcohol, mention of death, angsty af so prepare yourself

Words: 1.6k

Summary: "Everyone wishes they had superpowers but I’d give anything for them to leave me alone.”

Swallow Your Pride is the 3rd Part of Dead or Alive or Neither, P2: Hollow Spectators

A/N: Only took me 5 months haha. Anyway, this one is definitely a favorite of mine so I hope you enjoy it. If you have any thoughts or feedback please consider leaving them in the comments! It really helps me grow as a writer and I love hearing from you all! Happy reading!

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“Does anything help? Anything make them go away?”

I shifted in my seat uncomfortably, “Nothing.”

“Anything…less recreational?”

“Handle of liquor doesn't even phase me, same with the drugs. Even the less PG activities don’t help, not physically anyway.”

Her pen scribbled down on the clipboard. Looking up at me every couple of seconds like I'd disappear. While her face didn’t show disappointment, I know she felt it. I could see it in her eyes, the ‘I wish I could have told her I loved her’ look or the ‘I can’t believe that's the last thing I said to him’ look.

Raising her head she looked up at me, eyes asking the obvious. I wouldn’t bring it up; because she would just spew it to the rest of them. They would tiptoe around me like I was covered in glass, fearing that one wrong move would break me completely. Maybe I was fraggle, mentally at least, but I think I've done a pretty good job at protecting myself.

“You’ve struggled for so long Y/N. We have the resources to help you,” She pleaded, “Why not reach out for help?”

It’s obvious isn’t it.

I calmly pursed my lips together, “Might as well frost a burnt cake.” Raising a brow, her face scrunched. It took her a few seconds but quickly understood.

“And if someone takes a bite,” She asked.

I shook my head and smiled, “Wouldn't change a thing. I’ve simply learned to live with it.”

“It doesn't take a stranger to see that your miserable Y/N. I’m asking you this not as your counselor but as your friend, please, let us help you,” Her eyes scanned for any reaction. She was left searching for anything on a cold, blank canvas.

“I’m not miserable,” I spoke sternly, “The only reason we’re having this conversation is because you suddenly know I have powers.”

My eyes tried to escape around the room as I sighed, “I’ve spent years learning to live with it in my own ways. I was thrown into this nightmare the moment I was born, and I've built quite the life out of my situation.”

The room seemed to be getting hotter as she tried to back petal, “I’m not trying to fix you Y/N–”

“Yes you are,” I bursted, “This is how we work. We stick our noses where we don’t belong until we find something to fix! Well maybe not everyone wants to be saved!” Now she was the one sighing, sinking deeper into her padded chair.

The silence settled in as I took my leave, “You can cut the whole counselor act too. I know you all are just itching to get me a collar.” Grabbing the handle I pushed the door open, wordlessly stepping past the bat hero on the other side.

***

Swaddled in a blanket I curled further into the couch. The sound of bad soap-drama reruns filled my small apartment, poorly drowning out the noise. I’d rather listen to 6 friends in a New York coffee shop than Mary Ann and Douglass, the couple who's been arguing continuously for the past 120 years.

A quiet sigh left my lips as I unwrapped myself. After a quick contemplation I quietly placed my feet on the hardwood flooring. Quickly hitting the remote, I stalked towards the kitchen in search of food. I wasn’t hungry, but I needed something to pass the time. That was a lie.

Scavenging through the cabinets my hands found nothing of interest. If there was no more pasta then I’d just eat rice. With a small shuffle of my feet I found the bag was gone, instead crumpled up and tossed next to the waste bin. A heartless chuckle left my mouth as my head dropped to the floor. It wasn’t long before my body followed, slumped against a cabinet holding my most expensive hobby.

I sat there for a long time, longer than I should have. Thoughts came and went like missed phone calls. They would pop up for a moment and I’d contemplate answering them, before eventually letting them drift on. My consciousness was adrift in a sea of problems, my body running on autopilot.

One sip, two sip, three sip, more sips. I let myself fall deeper into an ocean of expensive regret. Not swimming but drowning, willingly drowning. After letting myself go it was finally quiet; my life truly serene.

I’d sailed so far out that I hadn’t even realized I was now on my feet, stumbling towards the door. A knock or more like an aggressive hit was waiting on the other side. Looking through the keyhole I saw a familiar face.

“I brought food and some of that good liquor you like.”

“Thanks. You can leave it at the door.”

Sighing he looked towards the floor. The two of us waited like a western shootout and I wasn’t about to make the first move.

“Can we just talk,” he asked, “Please.”

Even when we were kids, I was the target of his constant nagging. To him I was proof he didn’t need powers to be a hero. A hero that wasn’t like Batman.

I stared at him a moment longer before reluctantly pulling the handle open. On the other side of the door was a disheveled Dick Grayson. He was wearing jeans and a sweater; nothing too fancy, but he was more put together then I was.

I brought my eyes up to his face where he was impatiently waiting for me. Though I was listening for the howels behind him. Waited for some backhanded comment about how I was the scum of the earth. How I deserved to be dead, not spite those who are already. My mind was foggy and distant, far enough away from reality that I simply couldn’t see them.

Braking from his eyes, I held a hand out and gestured towards the bottle in his grasp. Quickly, he rearranged his hold on the plastic bag and pushed it towards me. My hand anxiously grabbed it before bringing it down to my side.

I couldn’t bother to look at the label as I wandered back towards the TV, “This better be the good shit, Grayson.”

“Only the best for the best,” he answered, hesitantly entering the apartment. Hearing the door shut behind him I fell into a mountain of blankets and pillows, snuggling myself into them. They shielded me from the upcoming conversation.

He took a seat next to me, undoubtedly uncomfortable. He didn’t know where to put his hands, so they ended up stuffed in his lap.

The silence must have been eerie for him as it fell over us. I quickly unscrewed the cap to the bottle. This wasn’t like when we patrolled the watch tower, back then we trusted each other. Though someone had to make a move, and it sure as hell wasn’t going to be me.

“Why,” he whispered, “Why didn’t you tell me.”

In his words it felt like a rock was logged in my throat, stopping me from answering. I can’t just tell him it wasn’t his fault. Am I supposed to explain what it’s like, because to me at least, it's livable. Strictly livable. How do you explain to a person who wants the one thing you hate most, that it’s not worth it.

A long breath passed my lips before I took a sip, “I didn’t want to.”

“You remember when we were kids, out in Bialya? I hadn’t even known you for 6 months, and guess who I ran to? You. I ran to you because I knew,” He took a sudden pause, “Well, I thought I knew.” A sense of betrayal laced his voice as he dared to look at me. Rolling my eyes I tipped the bottle again.

Coming out from the blankets I sat up, “It wasn’t your problem,” I slurred, “Besides it’s not like I'm dead or something. I’m still just a regular Joe.” That was another lie.

“A regular Joe who can communicate with the dead. And for the record, if you were actually ok, you would have realized that you were drinking a bottle of Tido’s.”

With the comment my eyes shot towards the bottle, “You son of a bitch,” I dryly laughed. I hated vodka, Tido’s especially; he must have remembered from my 21st.

Though he didn’t seem too amused, “For someone who ‘knows how to handle this’, you look awful,” Setting my poison on the floor he continued, “Swallow your pride Y/N, let us help you.” I looked up to make sure I heard him correctly. When I realized I did, something snapped.

It was the straw that broke the camel's back.

“Can you help me? Like you have a clue about what goes on inside my head,” I started, “I have spent years, no, decades figuring how to live like this.”

My sarcasm started to boil into anger, “So yeah, i’m not perfectly happy, but at least I can say I’m alive. After being surrounded by grief and death for so long, I can finally prove to myself I’m alive.”

“Maybe being alive isn’t what the world needs from me, but for the first time in my life, I want to live. Live like death isn’t two steps behind me,”

“Then let us help you-”

Amused, I looked at him, “I’m done with this hero bullshit.”

He looked panicked by their sudden statement, “Then let me save you Y/N.”

“Haven’t you learned anything,” I shouted, “I can’t let you save me, because I want to save myself!”

A/N: How was the story? Got some feedback? Let me know in the comments. Thanks for reading and I'll see you soon!

#young justic x reader #young justice imagines #kid flash x you #nightwing x reader #dc x reader #dc imagine #dc imagines #batfam x reader

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ventique18 · 9 months

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Our Dirty Little Secret (1)

The first part of a MalleYuu smutfic.

General warnings: Malleus x Freeform Reader♀️, story told in his POV. Part of a smut series, so minors do not read this fic.

Chapter warnings: bathroom voyeurism

Content under the cut

Pshhhhh

They say the shower is the place where ones' thoughts tend to be sober. The pattering of water against the skin lends to a calming effect that encourages mindful relaxation. The non-existence of urgency helps foster deep thinking of topics close to one's heart, which most of the time entails reflection of the life one currently leads. Perhaps a current dilemma. Perhaps a path one is looking forward to take. Perhaps past regrets begging to be righted.

Pshhhhhh

Yet curiously, my shower thoughts happen to be you.

Squeak squeak, the shower knob screeches as I twist it off.

I suppose the topics I have cited still apply in this case; the subject just happens to be you. One, you were my past regret-- not you, but the way it took me so long to notice my romantic feelings for you. And then your feelings for me, in consequence. Two, you were, and still are, the path I am always eager to take. I would be lying if I said I did not believe I would naturally find the love of my life over the course of my long life, but the way you came at me like a burglar... The way you barged in as if you owned my space, the way you made yourself home and even prepared tea in my metaphorical kitchen, the way you grabbed my hand and fearlessly stayed the night on my bed. The last one was quite literal.

Exhilarating. You are nothing like anything I have ever seen.

My family has always advised me that love is like a slowly kindling campfire. It starts small and takes effort to move forward, but grows ever stronger and bigger so long as you give it fuel. I expected my romance to be just like that: slow and steady. And yet... And yet... With you, it was like an explosion.

So when you held my hand, kissed my lips, and touched my body for the first time-- all in one night, I had felt like helpless ice underneath the bright summer day that was you.

And herein comes three: my dilemma. After that fateful evening together, which was already a month ago, I cannot discourage myself from thinking of you. Every waking moment, every time I dream. Even during mundane moments like eating or even when I need to focus my efforts on weapons training. All you. You. You.

Even in the shower, still you.

And yet... If my thoughts were simply the idea of you, I would not be this bothered. If it were simply your usual smile, and not the way you writhe in ecstasy beneath my touch...

I feel pathetic noticing how the thrill of you physically excites me.

I have been mechanically slathering soap over my body the whole while I've been thinking of you. Now my attention drifts to my hands. Fingers brushing up my arms, dipping into the shallow pool in my clavicle, running down the ridges of my chest and my stomach. Mindlessly, or perhaps mindfully, circling around my navel before trailing the line connecting my abdomen and my thighs. Teasing myself slowly, slowly, downward... And,

"How long do you plan on watching me secretly?"

I breathe out, shifting my head to stare at the innocuous door behind me.

A thick silence greets me. Perhaps a little too thick. And then in stepped you, gaze planted downward like a scolded child, as you reluctantly mumble out an excuse or two.

"How did you know..."

"Did you believe I of all people would not hear the door creaking behind me?"

"But it opened so smoothly, I was shocked it didn't make any noise at all..."

I do not think you are begging for a response, so I merely shake my head. I continue rubbing my skin with soap. While doing my showering routine, I keep my eyes trained on you and keep our conversation going, "So, what brings you here today?"

You shift, seemingly uncertain whether to meet or avoid my eyes, "Just stopping by to hang out. I bumped into Lilia on my way here, and he just urged me in without waiting for your consent. Sorry 'bout that."

"It's quite alright." I nod.

You continue, "You weren't around when I got in, so I thought of maybe waiting. But then I heard the shower going and... And..." Your lips contort into what seems to be a lopsided frown. With brows knit complicatedly, your embarrassed eyes finally dart towards me and you squeal out, "I'm so, so sorry. I don't know what went over me! I just thought that maybe I want a tiny peek of you naked--"

"Ha. Ha ha..." I try to contain myself but the delight in my chest was too overpowering to ignore, "Hahaha!"

A few more bouts of hearty laughter burst out of me before my mood gradually evens. Recovering myself from hunching, I straighten my body and sweep my hair back to move it out of the way of my sight. I feel a tug on my mouth as I narrow my eyes at you, "How naughty. Who would have thought everyone's helpful little prefect is such a dirty woman? Do your friends know?" My playful words curl my lips into a teasing grin, "That you were the one who seduced me that night? In public, behind everyone's backs?"

I see a fog of red paint your cheeks, so I tone down my mischief with a compliment, "Though I would not have it any other way. I find your honesty irresistibly attractive."

I am not quite sure if it is simply my immersion in our conversation that urged me to forget that I am bathing, or that your occasional intentional glances to different parts of my body captivated my attention, but I stop what I am doing and lean against the wall. I keep a daring look on my face as I capture your eyes. Add a light bite to the lower lip to complete the suggestion.

A bit bashful-looking, but you bravely lock your sight with mine, "You should be more honest though. You're always so accommodating and attentive, but..." You look down and pucker your mouth to gesture at my lower half, "I know you want something too."

My attention unconsciously drifts down to where you are pointing at. Ah, my traitorous self, must you always be this easy to please?

"So," You continue with newfound confidence as I heed your voice, "Think about it, pretty boy. I'm down for anything you wanna do," A wink from you and my pathetic desire twitches in anticipation. And another one for when you twirl your hair with a finger as you purr, "I'll be ready and waiting outside."

When the door shuts close, I let out a breath that I did not know I am holding. Something that I want..? Why, there are certainly particular things that I wish to do to you and yet I keep within my fantasies, but how could you have possibly..? Don't tell me, you know..?

Impossible. I've done everything I could to hide it. ... However, if we are to continue this relationship for a long time, if you were to one day accept being my mate, then you deserve to know. But, what if it frightens you-- what will I do then? If you do not accept me...

I turn the shower knob and let it spatter across my skin. I mull it over, again and again, until I finish drying myself off and cover my body with a robe. My thoughts are filled with uncertainty and distress when I walk out of the bathroom. However, as soon as I raise my head and see you sitting on my bed with a thin shirt barely covering your underwear, I realize how much courage it must take you, who normally presents yourself quite modestly, to bare yourself to me like this.

And so I shall too.

My footsteps announce my presence and you greet me with a smile. I sit beside you while I listen to you say, "So, have you thought about it?"

"Yes..." I reply carefully; my hand coyly reaching out for yours, "I would like for that mouth of yours to serve me."

"Blow-- umm, fellatio? That's surprisingly tame--"

"Both of them."

You blink at me in what seems to be confusion, "Both?"

A perverse feeling suddenly overcomes me. I take my hand off yours. My reply does not come fast, for I savor the tense look you give me as you follow wherever my hand trails a path, "You see," I enunciate slowly while I tuck a stray strand of hair behind your ear.

I pause for a moment. My fingers glide from your ear, across your jaw, and feel the velvety smoothness of your bottom lip. They push your mouth open as I thrust in two fingers to rub against your tongue.

"I'm not human, darling."

Part 2 here

#the next chapters are set to get worse #the fic is mildly kinky and curious/explorative #wait for the next installments hehe #twisted wonderland #malleus draconia #malleus x reader

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fungifanart · 2 years

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A song of hatred sung by despair

Characters: male!Yuu, Crowley, Ace, Cater, Deuce, Trey, Riddle, Leona, Ruggie, Jack, Jade, Floyd, Azul, Kalim, Jamil, Vil, Idia, Ortho, Malleus, Lilia, Sebek

Word count: 3.6k

CW: Body horror, cursing

Notes: Alright, so this is the full version of that fic I posted a little while ago and it is based off of a concept for my Yuu's overblot that I drew a few months ago. I've spent longer than I'd care to admit on this so I sincerely hope you enjoy. (Those of you who really know what the overblot is a reference to may be confused at my choices, but just know that I chose a fanmade translation for the convenience of the uninitiated) (Also there's a part 2 now)

-------------------------------------------------------

It’s been almost a full year since you arrived in this world. Almost a full year since you were separated from your family. Almost a full year since you were given no choice but to start playing errandboy for Crowley in exchange for a roof to sleep under.

It’s been almost a year and yet you still have no means of going home. You’ve been trying with everything you have to stay optimistic, but positive thoughts can only get one so far when it’s unclear whether or not Crowley’s actually been researching a way to send you back.

You’ve been seeking out every possible distraction from your darker thoughts, but with summer break approaching and most students preparing to leave for vacations, you’ll soon find yourself dangerously low on options.

Your anxiety festers as the summer months approach, not knowing if your time in twisted wonderland will extend over that period.

That is, until you receive a message from the headmage, telling you to meet him in his office alone.

You leave Grim with Ace and Deuce and begin walking to your destination as your mind begins to wonder about the reason for you being summoned.

If the headmage wants to speak with you alone then that could mean he’s found a way to send you home!

You don’t want to get your hopes up, but you can’t deny the possibility! And if it’s true then all of your waiting will have been worth it!

Right?

You close the door behind you and sit down across from the silent headmage, who seems to be deliberating on how to begin the conversation.

You were about to ask why he called you here when he suddenly begins to speak.

“Over the past year since your arrival, you have completed countless tasks for myself, this school and your fellow students.” He begins in a voice laced with uncertainty, “And in return, I have provided you with clothing, shelter and the opportunity to attend this academy during your time in this world.”

…Where is he going with this?

“Additionally, as promised, I’ve also spent countless hours researching possible methods by which to return you to your homeworld.” He continues, his voice beginning to waver ever so slightly.

Your breath hitches at that statement.

Is it time? Can you finally go home?!

“However…”

…what?

“After pursuing every possible lead,”

No…

“And conducting countless tests,”

No.

“I must regretfully inform you…”

No no no no no NO NO NO NO NO

“It is my conclusion that, as of this current moment, there is truly no possible way for you to return home.” The headmage concludes with sadness in his voice.

Your mind goes blank. Your heart stops. Your hands go numb. Your stomach drops.

You try to stand up, but your legs are too weak.

You open your mouth to speak, but your voice dies in your throat.

The carefully-constructed facade you put up begins to crumble as you look around and those words sap the colors from the world around you and replace them with a dull grey.

You continue to sit there, spiraling until the headmage’s voice pulls you from your thoughts or lack thereof.

“Worry not, however! You will still be able to attend this school as you have been, so you’ll just have to bear with it for a while longer!” He says in a forced cheerful tone.

However, those words have the opposite effect than likely intended as the moment they come out of Crowley’s mouth, you feel something snap in your brain that sends you bolting upright from your chair and walking out of his office while ignoring him asking where you’re going.

You unconsciously begin walking faster and faster until you break out into a run as you make your way through the halls, pushing past any and every student or faculty member that gets in your way.

Your way to where, exactly? You don’t really know.

You ignore the sounds of Sebek chastising you for running in the halls and the shouts of many others following in curiosity/concern.

They don’t want to help. This is just entertainment for them. They don’t care. They never did.

You’ve been utterly alone since the beginning of this shitshow.

You ignore the pure black droplets flowing out of your eyes and onto the ground as you run.

You ignore the cloud of thick, black miasma swirling around you and clouding your vision.

You ignore everything.

You don’t care anymore.

You just want the loneliness to stop.

You just want the pain of forgetting your loved ones to stop.

You just want it to go away.

You just want it all to go away.

If you had your way, it would all just…

D I S A P P E A R

—————————————————————

Crowley immediately gives chase after the Prefect leaves his office. He should’ve known that telling him the truth was a mistake. At first, he only saw him as an inconvenience to be dealt with in a way that wouldn’t damage his school’s reputation, but as the weeks turned into months and he got to know him, Crowley started to see the Prefect as a son he’d never had, which is why he felt the need to be honest with him.

Regardless, he continues to chase after the unstable Prefect, surprised by how quickly he can run despite his mental state, while calling out his name and telling him to stop. An action which draws the attention of several other students whom the Prefect is known to be affiliated with.

The chase continues as the crowd grows larger until it seemingly contains all of the housewardens and several others associated with them.

Crowley begins to lose sight of the prefect as the large group struggles through the tight hallways before noticing something both confusing and alarming: A trail of pure black droplets being left in the prefect’s wake.

No. That isn’t possible.

Only those who can use magic are capable of overblotting.

He keeps listing all the reasons why this shouldn’t be possible to himself, but the evidence before him is undeniable.

The chase finally ends as they find the Prefect collapsed on his knees on the steps leading to Ramshackle dorm as a thick miasma swirls around him. Several of the Prefect’s friends call out his name and begin running towards him, but stop when Crowley holds out his arms in front of them, “Wait. Something is very, very wrong. If you get too close, your life may be at risk.” He says with caution.

“What? Why?” Ace asks, “We can’t just not help him! He’s clearly about to—“

“Burst.” Leona interrupts in a dead serious tone of voice.

“Exa— Wait what?” Ace responds in confusion, “What do you mean—“

“HIS BODY IS ABOUT TO EXPLODE!!!” Those words from Leona immediately cause everyone’s attention to return to the Prefect as the miasma absorbs into his body, causing it to swell and develop glowing cracks.

They can then only watch in horror as the Prefect’s body shatters into pieces and an inky black mass erupts out of what remains to the sound of…bells?

The bell sounds become more plentiful and are joined by a metallophone as the mass of ink takes shape into an immense purple flower and a figure that strongly resembles the Prefect rises from the center.

Well, this is…different from the others.

“Surround him! Quickly!” Crowley orders, “Whatever he’s about to do is going to be very bad so we need to contain the damage as much as possible!”

The bells begin to ring in rhythm and music begins to play as everyone finishes surrounding the Prefect with their magic pens in hand, keeping up their guard for whatever might be thrown at them.

However, the Prefect says nothing and instead begins to sing in a beautiful, but haunting voice.

Flower, blackest plight, sings of tarnished white

Within darkness, blooming, undue new life

Forlorn songs of angels, cry at the end of time

As the Prefect sings, rings of pure magic expand from his mouth on beat with the music and with clear malicious intent, which Crowley manages to block, but he can’t help but notice the way the Prefect is moving: Slow and methodical, making guarded gestures in all directions before covering his eyes like he’s crying.

‘He must’ve felt like he was under attack from all sides…’ This thought causes Crowley’s mind to recall all the times he pushed his lesser tasks onto him. He'd thought it was a just payment for everything being provided, but clearly that's not how the Prefect sees it.

The lyrics stop, but the song continues and the tempo begins to accelerate as a second figure rises from one of the flower’s five petals, a figure whose head bears a striking resemblance to—

————————————————————————

Riddle has seen many things beyond comprehension since his enrollment at NRC, but…whatever this is is on a completely different level.

He tries to attack while the Prefect isn’t singing, but his magic seemingly has no effect, leaving him to only watch as a second figure emerges from one of the five petals, one whose head is exactly the same as the entity that appeared during his own overblot.

“Why does it look like…?” Riddle says to himself.

“Ugh, if only he wasn’t trying to kill us, this would be such a #Aesthetic shot right now.” Cater comments thoughtlessly.

“Is now REALLY the time to think about that?!” Trey responds urgently.

It sounds as if they might get into an argument before Deuce’s voice gets their attention, “Uh, guys? I think he’s about to start singing again!”

Branching time, endless sorrow, beyond fate, in this silence

The rings come from the second entity this time as it moves it’s arms in large, exaggerated motions towards the Prefect, seeming almost like praise, but feeling like a mockery. If the second entity is meant to represent Heartslabyul, then…

“Does he think we were making fun of him?” Riddle wonders out loud, thinking back to the jokes Ace and Deuce would make at the Prefect’s expense, all the photos of him that Cater posted on Magicam without his permission, all the times he used his signature spell on him for breaking a rule despite knowing full well it wouldn’t do anything…

“Oh come on!” Ace retorts, “I know I can come off as kinda mean, but I never meant to hurt his feelings!”

“Unfortunately, whether or not you meant to doesn’t matter as clearly his feelings got hurt regardless.” Trey says, visibly troubled, “Of course, I’m not innocent here, either. There were times when I made fun of him for simple mistakes…”

Being forced to confront the ways they’ve wronged the Prefect causes Heartslabyul’s morale to waver as the music speeds up again and another entity emerges from the next petal.

————————————————————————

Leona watches in silence as the tempo speeds up more and the next entity emerges, revealing its head to be the same as the one from his overblot.

“Wow, who’d have thought that the Prefect could sing like this?” Ruggie comments.

“Focus! He could start singing again at any-“ Jack begins.

However, his words are cut short when Leona listens to the music and realizes, “Look alive you two! The next verse is starting!”

Claws of white, newborn light, strong and right, rise now

Leona blocks the rings of magic as he watches how the second entity moves: Aggressive punching and shoving motions towards the Prefect. Leona isn’t stupid. He knows what this means.

“Jeez, and here I thought he was the type to take things in stride.” Ruggie comments offhandedly.

Jack scoffs in response, “Implying that being pickpocketed AT LEAST once a week is something that can be taken in stride.”

“Oh, don’t act like you haven’t gotten physical with him before!” Ruggie argues as the two start bickering.

‘Or kept him from class just to take a nap…’ Leona thinks to himself as his mind conjures countless examples of his own wrongdoing. He thought that he was helping the Prefect be more relaxed, but maybe that only made things worse…

‘No.’ Leona thinks, ‘He would’ve told me if that wasn’t what he wanted…………right?’ His confidence begins to crack, allowing doubt to creep into his mind.

The song continues, despite Savannaclaw falling unorganized, and the next entity rises from the third petal.

————————————————————————

Azul is trying to focus on the rhythm, he really is, but the familiar sight of the next entity’s head combined with Jade and Floyd’s incessant babbling despite the circumstances makes it all the more difficult to concentrate.

“Heeeyyy, Shrimpy! You didn’t tell me you could turn into a flower! What kinda flower are you???” Floyd calls out in his usual carefree tone.

“I see you haven’t been paying attention in Herbology.” Jade responds, “Based on the shape and color of the petals, that appears to be a nightshade.”

“Indeed,” Vil remarks from beside Azul, “Its fruit is known for its highly poisonous properties. Though, I don’t know how much of that applies here.”

“Which is all the more reason you two need to FOCUS!” Azul calls out to Jade and Floyd as the next verse starts.

I have known wayward winds, ever lost, fade into daybreak

Azul barely manages to block the next set of rings in time, ‘Ugh. I wish I could’ve kept that one customer’s sense of rhythm.’ He thinks to himself while he studies the third entity’s movements: Numerous grabbing motions before holding out its hand expectantly.

“Well, that hardly seems fair! We only took as much as was laid out in the terms of the contracts that HE signed!” Azul says indignantly.

“Didn’t we kinda get him to sign A LOT of contracts, though?” Floyd thinks out loud.

Their thoughts are cut-off by Grim butting in, “Well, THAT’S an understatement! I’ll bet you guys have a whole ‘nother safe just to keep all those contracts he signed to make ends meet in! It’s no wonder he hates you!” He concludes angrily.

‘I suppose we could’ve stood to be more forgiving in our terms…’ Azul muses while reconsidering his business decisions.

Little does he realize that, during his musings, the tempo of the song is speeding up again and the fourth entity is emerging.

————————————————————————

Kalim, admittedly, has…no idea what’s going on. One minute, he was spacing out during class, the next he was chasing after the Prefect with the others and now the Prefect is a flower???

His brain struggles to keep up with everything that’s happening, but is pulled back to reality when he realizes that the fourth entity has emerged and the next verse is starting.

A wandering soul howls to the sky, forever through ages

The sight of Jamil’s entity attacking him and the others again draws up bad memories as he blocks the rings and notices how this entity is moving: Slow, circular and symmetrical arm movements that seem almost hypnotic in nature. This can only be referring to…

“I guess he still hasn’t forgotten the incident over winter break…” Jamil comments as if he was reading Kalim’s mind.

“To be fair, if someone hypnotized me, kept me imprisoned for several days and then tried to kill me, I’d probably find it more than a little hard to get past.” Idia responds from across the way.

“A LITTLE?!” Grim cries out, “Did he tell you how much he was panicking while we were stuck in there?!”

‘This stuff’s been eating away at the Prefect this whole time and yet I’ve done nothing to help. Some friend I am…’ Kalim chastises himself as the tempo speeds up for a fifth time and the, presumably, last entity emerges from the fifth petal.

————————————————————————

Malleus can’t help the twinge of guilt he feels at the sight of one of his very few friends suffering like this with him being none the wiser. Every conversation they’d had since they met plays in his mind as he searches for any indication that this would happen and every way he could’ve prevented it.

He realizes that he can’t forget about the song, though, as the final entity emerges from the fifth petal. However, one thing he notices is that this one doesn’t resemble any other overblot entities the Prefect had encountered, instead having a simple spherical bottle as its head.

‘Could this be the real entity?’ Malleus wonders as the next verse starts with the tempo faster than ever.

Oh, may sleep come take you

Death leaves you cold.

Life laid to waste, wretches gave haste, damned are they now.

Malleus blocks the rings with ease as he closely studies the final entity’s movements: Frantic flailing and open-armed gestures towards the Prefect that felt almost like some sort of praise?

“He was trying desperately to cheer himself up, but ultimately failed…” Lilia interprets while helping Silver hold back a screaming Sebek.

“HUMAN!!! HOW DARE YOU ATTACK MALLEUS-SAMA!!!” Sebek yells amongst other things at the Prefect despite his inability to respond.

Malleus's attention quickly returns to the Prefect as the tempo of the song slows down unexpectedly and the Prefect and the entities all begin moving in sync.

---‐-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Crowley watches with great concern as the song appears to be reaching the final verse and yet they still have done no visible damage to the Prefect's overblot.

'At this rate, he'll be...' Crowley thinks anxiously.

"Guys, I think he’s starting to really lose it!" Deuce calls out urgently as the Prefect and the entities' movements become more erratic and unhinged by violently shaking and grabbing at their heads and flailing their arms in all directions.

"But what can we do?! Our attacks aren't working!!" Kalim questions frantically.

"My analyses have yet to reveal any weak points!" Ortho comments.

"Pull yourselves together!" Crowley orders his students, "Our only hope is to hold fast until the song is finished and then attack all at once! Be strong! For the Prefect!!!"

Crowley finishes his announcement and readies to guard for the last time as the final verse begins.

Desecrated minds, figments of grief and lies

Flowered monsters, hear these faint cries

Flower, blackest plight, sings of tarnished white

Bitter are those prayers now drenched in blood

Flower, blackest plight, songs of crimson sight

Flames redemptive seize it, till then it claims this eye

Flower, blackest plight, is the song of might that will sound a day in which all shall

disappear...

The music fades away as the Prefect and the entities come to a complete stop and the Prefect stops singing for the final time.

Blocking the last of the rings, Crowley waits for the music to completely stop before calling out, "NOW! ATTACK!!"

At those words, he and all of the students unleash a barrage of magic attacks, completely overwhelming the Prefect with a wave of sheer arcane might that finally causes his overblot form to crumble before releasing a large burst of light that engulfs the senses of everyone present.

-------------------------------------------------------------

A series of images begins to play across everyone's minds: Memories of the Prefect’s homeworld.

They see him helping his mother make dinner. Helping his father clean out the garage. Playing video games with his siblings. Going out shopping with his old friends.

All of these memories play over and over as more and more details become fuzzy.

"Is that how she always made it?"

"Didn’t we move the step-ladder into the other corner?"

"Did we ever end up beating that game?"

"I don't remember buying that..."

The doubts and inconsistencies get larger and more plentiful until the memories are nothing more than a jumbled mess of half-forgotten faces and voices.

The sound of the Prefect crying fades into hearing as he tries desperately to cling to what memories he has left.

"At this rate, I won't be able to remember anything about them!" The Prefect says to himself between sobs, "I-I don't want to forget them! What should I do?!"

The jumbled memories then disappear and are replaced by ones he's made since being brought to Twisted Wonderland.

They see him going to class with Grim, Ace and Deuce. Cooking with Jamil and baking with Trey. Napping during class with Leona and going on nightwalks with Malleus. Numerous more happy memories play in their minds.

However, the happy memories are soon replaced with unpleasant ones. Being condescended to by Sebek for being magicless. Being scolded by Professor Trein for missing class. Getting yelled at by Professor Crewel for missing a potion ingredient. Feeling insulted when being collared by Riddle for the smallest things. Having to work long shifts at the Mostro Lounge just to keep him and Grim fed.

The bad memories continue unceasingly as the Prefect’s sobs get louder.

"W-what should I do...?" He asks again.

"Get over it." A memory of a familiar face says to him.

"Just forget it." Another memory says.

"Stop running away!"

"The truth is right in front of you."

"Oh, man up!"

"GROW. UP."

"Denial is hardly flattering."

"You're just making excuses!"

"How weak."

"I didn't know you were this selfish."

"I'm very disappointed in you."

"When will you learn?"

"It’s pointless."

The memories swirl around the Prefect, spouting insults and telling him to give up before parting to allow one last memory that says "There is truly no possible way for you to return home." In a condescending tone.

All sound stops in that moment, except for the Prefect’s gasp in sheer horror at that last statement.

The Prefect’s breathing grows heavy and uneven before he lets out a guttural cry,

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!"

The light fades as Crowley and the others find themselves back in front of Ramshackle with the Prefect lying unconscious on the ground.

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ben-learns-smth · 6 months

Text

first months as a (substitute/supportive) teacher - some thoughts (an incomplete list)

autumn holidays start on friday, so I thought I'd write down some thoughts on my experience of the last 2-ish months. I definitely have some growing and learning to do, it shows that I'm only half-trained for this

surprisingly I enjoy working with the smallest (grade 1/2) the most. it's partially that (unless they need me for substitute lessons) I spend the most time in that class and have gotten to know the pupils quite well. I know the routines of the class and I got into a great rhythm with the main teacher

the pupils are opening up a lot more about their interests and their lives, striking up conversations with me when they see me in the yard during break. I'm glad that I don't seem like a stranger to them anymore!

substitute lessons without tasks prepared by the teacher are more draining than I expected them to be. I also lack skills for coming up with substitute lessons for my subjects (let alone other subjects) bc I have very little experience of what they're already supposed to know/be able to do. especially in english lessons it's hard to find an appropriate level

being the only visibly and out trans nonbinary teacher is exhausting. I'm looking forward to the day when I've given substitute lessons in every class so I can stop explaining myself. I don't mind explaining queer topics to children and it's important to have those conversations but I'm the only one having them bc I have to, bc my genderqueer appearance raises questions and if it doesn't introducing myself as mr./mx. does.

related to that I'm excited to work with another colleague on a diversity concept for the school that focuses on queerness. our main objective will be to raise awareness in teachers and students

I still struggle to find an appropriate mix between being strict and being fun. with some classes it works well, with others I need to be stricter than I'd like to be, with others I need to ease off a bit.

schools are incredibly gendered spaces and while I obviously knew that it still caught me off guard (and tbh I think it's having an influence on my habits which I Don't Like At All). everything is very clearly divided into boys and girls. I'm generally good with gender neutral language, but compared to my first weeks I jump to use gendered terms much quicker now (example: saying "the girl in the red jumper" instead of a neutral version when I don't know their names yet), including when I talk about myself which feels weird

good quality sleep is so important. being a teacher is super demanding, especially in some more chaotic classes and showing up with only a few hours of sleep is Not It

being able to remember names really well really fast is a super power and I'm grateful I can do that every time I meet a new class for a substitute lesson. the kids are impressed (teachers too), but most importantly it creates a different atmosphere in the classroom. (it's also easier to remind them of class rules when they need it)

so far, the past months have confirmed what I've been thinking for a while: teaching is something I could do, but I'm less sure if it's what I want to do in the long run. so even though I wasn't able to start deaf studies this winter I'm sticking to my plan: try out deaf studies for a year (starting next autumn) and work on the side, then decide if a) I keep going like that to do the full deaf studies b.a. b) I pause deaf studies to do my teacher training and then evaluate again or c) I do my teacher training and pick up uni classes for fun after

#I think there would be more thoughts if I weren't so tired #if you read all of that and are still reading this thank you and I love you and please have some water #mine #bente rambles #teachblr #studyblr #uniblr #knife gang

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rose-tea-and-strawberries · 5 months

Note

Trey: *Trying to explain Riddle is that way because of his mom*

Me: Give me a minute as I pull up my ‘Trauma Doesn’t Excuse Sh*t Behavior’ PowerPoint.

Say it with me, everyone: an explanation is not an excuse 😊

You know, the other day I was watching one of Ryan George's Pitch Meetings and when Producer Guy asked Writer Guy how the audience would root for the villain of the franchise and the response was "he's handsome" which basically explains most people's reactions to fictional men.

Prepare for incoming rant that has little to do with the ask

This probably might come as a shock because one of the main appeal of twst would be the whole villainous aspect/Disney Villain fanbase but I don't really like villains that much, at least, not romantically. Like don't get me wrong, I think that they're incredible characters and it would be so fun to sit down with one and have a conversation with one. Villain songs are so fun (I was literally singing ‘This Day Aria’ to myself the other day I haven’t heard that song in like a decade) and you can tell that that characters like Scar or Hades or Shere Khan or Jafar or Maleficent are having so much fun being deliciously evil and even the more serious, complex ones like Loki or Frollo are fun to pick apart so yeah I understand the hype. I just always rooted for the heroes and I guess heroic characters have always been more my type.

My mother absolutely loves Erik Destler and is forever salty that Christine chose Raoul (despite my many many attempts at arguing why Raoulstine is the superior couple - smol primary school me could not understand why my mum liked the chandelier dropper and was deeply concerned), my best friend has been in love with Heathcliffe since we were eleven, and my little sister has literally told me that her type of fictional men are the toxic red flags (not exactly word for word but she did explain why she likes bad boys over good boys when I was complaining about how my type (wholesome soft boys) always get sidelined for the arrogant, snarky bad boys - we're also very diametrically opposed on our views of friends to lovers (my s++ tier all time favourite and her loathing) vs enemies to lovers (I can't really stand it - Pride and Prejudice is the only exception - and that's literally all she consumes) so that might also be a reason).

Like, I understand the appeal of a Byronic hero (Mr Darcy has far too much power) - a closed off, broody man that hates everything but you? And will burn down the world to keep you warm? I can respect that there are people who dig that. But their not really for me.

The mild bout of insanity thirteen year old me had where I spent two months attracted to Edward Rochester is an outlier and should not have been counted (though that was during my wattpad phase so...)

But I can admit that I have yet to shake off my feelings for Dr Henry Jekyll, Victor Frankenstein and Dorian Gray (though to be fair, Mr Gabriel John Utterson the lawyer and cinnamon roll artist boy Basil Hallward do own my heart). And yes, Jeremy Jordan did make me question my morality as he did make my feelings for Light Yagami be too positive to be sane for a brief moment (Touta Matsuda is still my man, don't worry). But apart from them, literally all of my faves are what you'd call your traditional, morally upright heroes.

Basically what I'm saying is that my perception might be skewed because I've never had the whole 'villains are cooler' mindset when it came to stories. Yes, I love the villains as characters but I always liked their heroic foils more (goodness is just so attractive to me). You get lots of amazing heroic protagonists that have horribly tragic backstories and they're the ones I always fall for because the idea of being a kind sweetheart despite the world being anything but is just *chef's kiss* that's a kind of strength that's so swoon-worthy.

I guess that's why it's harder for me to look past the characters' actions in twst is because, well, they chose to do everything they did. They made a conscious choice to be terrible, despite understanding the consequences. Riddle may have been brainwashed into becoming a tyrant by his mother but he still admitted that he knew he was being horrible - he understands the concept of morality, of good and bad, and he willingly and deliberately did everything he did.

I suppose this text post I found on Pinterest would explain my point better:

#twisted wonderland #twst #asks

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estinininininen · 1 month

Text

FFIV: Arm in Arm, Hand in Hand, ao3 link, ~2400 words

Rydia has a simple request for Cecil.

He'd do anything for her. She doesn't want to make it weird.

(He makes it weird.)

warning: unbearable cuteness

Cecil and Rosa agreed at once when Rydia asked for a private moment.

"Thanks for seeing me," Rydia said. "I know you're busy all the time."

"It's no problem," Cecil said. "I'd make time for you. Are you hungry? Did you have a good trip?" Taciturn King Cecil only babbled around people he liked. "Surely you must know I'd make time. Surely you know that."

"I know. I believe you. And I'm fine," Rydia said, even as Rosa brought a tray of tea to their table and Cecil jumped up to help her. Rydia stood up on court etiquette but Rosa shooed her back into the chair. "Really, I won't need more than a moment with you, but I wanted to ask you something."

"To ask something in private," Cecil said. "Are you safe? Are you in danger? What do you need?"

"I'm sure she's fine," Rosa said. She had an idea what Rydia might say, but it was important and Rydia should be the one to ask.

"I'm fine," Rydia said. "I'm more than fine."

"Right, right," Cecil said. "You wouldn't let anyone get the drop on you."

Rydia wrinkled her nose like she always did when teasing. "You should know that by now. No one gets past me if I don't want them to."

"Dear, have a little faith in her otherwordly magical abilities," Rosa said.

Cecil held up his hands. "Don't need faith. Seen it myself." He laughed. The stress of being King melted from his face. "I just worry about you, when I'm not looking." His expression blanked, and history for a moment weighed over their little table. Rydia and Rosa understood this was a truth that popped out before Cecil meant it to.

"That's alright," Rydia said. "I worry about you two, too." Then she stopped. Whatever Rydia had to say, she might need a little prompting.

Rosa covered the pause in conversation with pouring the tea. "How is Edge?" she asked.

"Speaking of people I worry about," Cecil said.

Rydia smiled and tucked her head down a little, to hide her glee. It was such a typical movement for a young woman in love that Cecil had to hold his surprise.

"Well. Edge and I. Um. We just got back from visiting the Feymarch," she said.

The Feymarch was a home to Rydia, and to everyone else it was the long-forgotten alien world of sentient monsters of legend. Even though Cecil and Rosa had been, twice, they still felt a thrill of awe when it was mentioned.

"And?" Rosa said. "It . . . went well? Asura and Leviathan are well?" she asked, stumbling and falling back on neutral politeness.

"Oh yes. I wanted to introduce them to Edge again, and for him to spend enough time for them to get to know each other. He managed to spend two whole weeks out of Eblan, got everything prepared and signed off. He gets so much more done when he's motivated. It turned into six months in the Feymarch. I think he really appreciated a long time away from the throne."

"Between us? Can't say I blame him," Cecil said. "And this . . . went alright? Edge in the Feymarch?"

"For half a year?" Rosa said.

"Yeah," Rydia said. When Rydia had started looking dreamy-eyed when talking about Edge, Cecil couldn't say, but it made his heart clench a little at his responsibilities drawing him away from friends. "Yeah, he and I had a wonderful time. I miss them all already," she sighed. "But, it also really is like Asura tried to tell me. I miss the surface, too. I'm glad now she told me to get out of the Feymarch more." She took a sip of her tea. "I don't think I'll be going back for such long periods anymore."

"Oh?" Cecil said. "Not that I'm not afraid when the next time I see you you'll have grown old, but are you sure that's what you want?"

"Mist is also my home," Rydia said. "And Eblan is too, now-"

"Oh," Cecil said, and Rosa thought, Ah.

"-and I've done what I set out to do with the new order of Summoners," Rydia continued. "There's not many, but there are some. My distant cousins, or random chance. They're doing so great, they study everything I tell them, and practice all the time," she said.

"Wait, but do you not still intend to keep them hidden? You don't need to tell us about them," Cecil said. "I still think you shouldn't. For their sake."

"I won't," Rydia said. "And I'm not. But I get to be proud of them, right? Let me brag a little! They're doing all the hard work but I like to think it's because I'm a good teacher, too!"

They all laughed.

She continued. "My point is, Mist is my home but it's not going to be the home of Summoners any longer. We're going to move around, stay separated for a time."

"That's a hard life," Cecil said.

"Not like wanderers," Rydia said. "Just a hidden group, our people in different places around the world. Living ordinary lives, as black mages or white mages. I might even have a Sage on my hand, if they can hold on to the balance. But I will be the only one who knows where all of them are," she said.

Cecil assumed this was what she needed help with. "What do you need? Anything I can give, I will," he said.

"Oh, no," Rydia said. "It's already done. The ninja skills have been of great help. Edge taught them the basics."

Cecil and Rosa glanced at each other. "He did?" Rosa said.

"He knows them?" Cecil said.

"He's the one who suggested all the subterfuge," Rydia said.

"But, he is . . . " A king, Cecil wanted to say.

"Ah," Rydia said. She sighed. "It really is unavoidable, politics."

"No. No," he said. "Not for this. It's too important. Does he understand that no one else can know? If, all the gods forbid, one day Eblan does as Baron did, then a record Edge leaves behind, even accidentally-"

"I don't think that will be a problem," Rydia said. "He doesn't know their names, or where they are. Give us some credit, please."

"Of course, of course," Cecil said. "But-"

"I don't think Eblan and the Summoners are going to be in conflict for a long time, unless Edge is taken off the throne," Rydia said, and shifted in her seat.

Rosa shifted. "Rydia, I know you've spent a lot of time with him, but he will always be the leader of his people before a friend," she said.

"I know. I know that!" She threw up her hands. "Next thing you're going to tell me is he has to marry some day," Rydia said, and avoided looking them in the eye.

"I'm sure that's hard to think about, Rydia," Cecil said, reaching out to touch her shoulder. "Whatever happens, Rosa and I will be here for you." He looked to Rosa for assistance, who was now being quiet for some reason Cecil couldn't fathom. "It - it might not even change much between you and Edge," he said.

"Well I hope not," Rydia said, "because he's married to me."

Cecil stopped rubbing his thumb over Rydia's scapula.

"What?" he said.

"I married him," she said. Her eyes twinkled and her nose was, very slowly, wrinkling again. "Edge. We got married. We decided in the Feymarch."

Rosa broke into a huge smile.

"Arm Lady and Daddymonster were really patient with him," Rydia said, using her private family nicknames for Asura and Leviathan from when she was a girl. "Daddymonster especially, while Edge figured it out. He was right, he needed time away from court."

Cecil said, "What?"

"Time away from court. To figure out that I am much scarier than Eblan court politics," Rydia said.

"Much scarier," Rosa said.

"No," Cecil said. "I mean, you . . . got married? You married Edge?"

Rosa giggled and stood up to cover his ears, laughing at him. "He needs a moment," she said.

Rydia was giggling now, too. "Why - why is he like this whenever anyone surprises him?"

"It's good news, Cecil," Rosa said, drumming his skull. "Don't think too hard."

"Hey, hey now," he said, grabbing Rosa and pulling her into his lap. "Of course it's good news! Con - Congratulations!" he said.

"Why are you wheezing," Rydia said, now laughing in full.

"I just needed a moment," Cecil said. "Oh, oh. Oh. You're married." He stood up. Rosa squealed in indignation as she was forced to stand up too.

"Cecil, what-"

"You're the Queen of Eblan, now," Cecil said.

Rosa dashed around and grabbed Rydia in a huge hug.

"I feel like - like this is very good but maybe a little bit rushed," Cecil said.

Rosa glared at him from over Rydia's head.

"Are you sure about this?" he said.

Rosa huffed. Rydia said, "Well, I sure hope so, because it's done! Yes, Sir Cecil, I'm sure."

Cecil blushed. Rydia had only ever called him Sir Cecil when first reacquainted as adults and unsure of mortal habits.

"She spent six months with him in the Feymarch," Rosa said. "That's plenty long enough."

"The Eidolons all like him," Rydia said.

"I . . . " Cecil said. "I don't mean about the Eidolons. Eblan has assassins, Rydia. Eblan is assassins."

"That's a negative stereotype, but yes. It is. But I'm not worried about them," Rydia says. "Or the old judgy Judys at court."

"Who knows?" Rosa said. This was what Cecil really wanted to know but couldn't assemble the words for.

"The Lord and Lady of the Feymarch, Edge's personal guard, and his seneschal. And now you two. For now."

"Oh, so we are still important to you," Cecil said.

Rydia and Rosa stared at him.

Cecil clapped his hand over his mouth.

"I didn't mean that," he said. "I didn't mean that. Rydia, I'm sorry, I don't know why I think I have the right-"

"Cecil," Rosa said, and having known Rosa for most of his life and been married to her for five years now, he heard the danger. "Are you jealous?"

Damn women and their damn intuition understanding him before he understood himself.

"No!" he said. "I'm not jealous."

Rydia muttered something under her breath. Unless Cecil's ears were also as muddled as his thoughts were, it very much sounded like, "And there he goes again with the guilt spiral."

"Cecil." The Queen of Baron crossed her arms. "You're upset she didn't tell you they were getting married when they were in the Feymarch," Rosa said.

"No, that's ridiculous! I wouldn't be so petty," he said, and hoped, oh how he hoped, that the political skills he gained as King were going to one day give him the ability to lie.

But not to Rosa. Never Rosa. Just because he wanted to avoid the consequences of his own stupidity right now didn't mean he thought it was a good idea to lie to his wife. She looked in his eyes. "You are," she said.

"That's absurd," Cecil said. I thought I stopped digging my own holes a long time ago. "I - I really don't know where I get the idea I can keep doing this to you, Rydia, but I am so sorry-"

"Keep doing what?" Rydia said.

Rosa stared him down too and Cecil felt almost nauseous.

"Keep doing what, exactly?" Rydia said.

"I - I -"

Rosa saw what he meant, saw him floundering, and finally gave blessed, stinging mercy. She uncrossed her arms and spoke quietly. "We're not your family."

"No," Cecil said. "We're not. I'm sorry."

Rydia looked between both of them, and no matter how hard Cecil told himself she was an adult - she was more than an adult, she had often walked the road between the sands of time and come out closer to Edge's age than Cecil's own -

- he still just saw a little girl peeking out from beneath the covers in Kaipo while he wiped his blade clean of his countrymen's blood.

"You're not?" Rydia said.

Cecil grew even more confused.

"So do you not want to be?" Rydia said.

Cecil and Rosa shared glances. "Huh?" Rosa said.

Rydia said, "I don't know a lot of people personally on the surface still. People that can come to a royal wedding. The Eidolons and my summoner students can't. Isn't it important for someone to give the bride away?"

"I'm confused," Cecil said.

"I am too," Rosa said.

"Oh. We're going to have another wedding," Rydia said. "I got scared and skipped ahead. Sorry. Do you . . . Do you not want to walk me down the aisle?" She tilted her head at Cecil. "It's more of a surface thing, Lord Leviathan already gave his blessing anyway. I thought it wouldn't matter to me but in the Eblan weddings I've been to - oh, oh no, oh Cecil don't cry," Rydia said.

Cecil reared back and touched his face. He was crying? Why had he started crying?

He blinked and was hugging Rydia. He blinked again and was sitting down in the chair sagging like a bag of potatoes. The weird noises coming from his mouth and nose were indecorous for a king of a sovereign nation to make, but wasn't he already among company that didn't care?

"Oh," he heard Rosa saying. "Another wedding. Oh, that makes sense."

"For the benefit of Eblan and everyone else," Rydia said. "Because it really is always about politics, isn't it? He's marrying the Summoners and I'm marrying Eblan."

"Politics," Rosa said. "Sometimes I think Kain had the right idea . . . "

"Is - is he alright?" Rydia said, eyeing Cecil.

"I think he will be, yes," Rosa said, and she squeezed her hand. Cecil realized it was wrapped in his. He squeezed back. "I've . . . never seen him like this, though," Rosa said.

"Cecil, sometimes I can't tell what's going on in your head," Rydia said.

"Oh that's alright," he said, sounding like he had a head cold. "Makes two of us."

"So . . . can you do it?" Rydia said. "Walk me down the aisle?"

Cecil burst into tears again.

"That's happy crying," Rosa said. "Yes. Yes, he will, or I will throw him in the dungeon myself."

"I'm glad I have you to translate," Rydia said.

"Well I - I really don't know what's happening. Cecil, honey, breathe-"

Rydia started giggling. "Oh, no, I've broken him again."

#ffiv #rydia #cecil harvey #rosa joanna farrell #edge ffiv #ffiv fanfic #my ao3 crosspost #it's my fic and i'll crosspost if i want to

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never-wednesday · 9 months

Text

Hey its a Lil late in the month but this disability pride month I wanna talk about long covid. I also have chronic pain and all sorts of worms in my brain but I've been dealing with that forever. So we're talking about the new stuff. Putting a readmore because I'm talking about what my experience being sick with covid was like and it's probably unpleasant to read.

It's December of 2022 and I work retail while I'm home from school for winter break. I mask up every time I leave the house, including for work. My parents don't. My father talks about covid not being a big deal. He caught it last year and it was a mild cold for him. He says "i ate lunch with someone who had covid last week and im fine!" My mother catches covid a week after that conversation. I test and am seemingly fine despite symptoms of a cold, and then three days later (one of those days was a full 8hr shift at work where I was worn ragged because it's almost christmas. I also got heat exhaustion because the AC was busted and I live in TX.) I feel the worst I have felt in ages. My mom insists that my dad takes me to get tested for the flu, and I schedule a covid test while I'm at it. My covid test comes back positive.

For the next week I am bedbound, only able to sit up enough to try to eat something and only able to stand up long enough to get myself to and from the bathroom. I sleep through the days when I can get the dayquil down, and cough through the nights when I can't get the nyquil down. I hallucinate when im tired. One of those nights I swear I talk to god. My brain is fogged and it hurts to breathe. I am worried I will need to be hospitalized because I can't seem to keep any water in my system. It's a miracle that I can write instructions for my father to cook ramen for me. I can only drink the broth. One morning I try to take dayquil to soothe my throat and I vomit. My stomach is empty and I stand over the sink wretching.

It feels like a miracle when I recover. Christmas day my symptoms mostly clear up and I'm able to sit up long enough to use my computer, something I was unable to do for the past week. I test negative, my second best Christmas present that year. The first is the Elden Ring soundtrack on vinyl. I am elated that I made it put the other end.

A week later my friend comes from a few cities away to visit for a few days. We go shopping one afternoon, spend a few hours standing around at the local game store looking at dice and miniature plastic dragons. We get home at 6pm. I collapse into bed and wake up 3 hours later. I talk to my doctor about it in January, she says it should go away over time. Six months maximum.

I spend my spring semester exhausted. I start using a cane to make sure I can walk across campus. I'm thankful that many of my friends are also disabled because they understand when I need to ask people to slow down, or bail because of my fatigue. Many of the abled people in my life do not understand. One day I go out to a museum, a thing I am excited to do. When I get home at 4pm I make myself popcorn, then collapse into bed. I can't walk to the sink without my cane, I can barely get out of bed. This is what I have to adjust to.

Six months pass. The fatigue is not gone. I am home for summer break, and I try talking to my parents about my fatigue. They don't understand. I talk to my doctor. She is convinced it's depression symptoms. My mental health is largely the best it's been in years- I've been in treatment for months now and it is helping.

It's been about seven months now. I am not receiving treatment, nor will my doctor acknowledge that I have long covid. She has relented into testing for physical things. I got a CT scan, and have a sleep study scheduled for when I get back from visiting family in August. Depending on what these turn up and how my doctor reacts I am preparing to find a new doctor. I am not excited about this, because I like my doctor. But if she refuses to acknowledge that what has happened to me is likely covid and therefore will not treat me I will find someone else.

I don't really have a moral here beyond please mask up, get vaccinated, etc. Even if covid doesn't fuck you up it might fuck up someone you pass it to. Or even worse, it can kill the immunocompromised people around you. Please have compassion for the people around you. My father, who is a loving and caring man, brought this illness home to me. It wasn't out of malice, but it still has affected my life for probably the rest of my life.

#disability pride month #disability #covid #covid isn't over #disabled #okay to rb #lyra.txt

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yanderes-galore · 1 year

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hi, i absolutely love ur writing-! May I request 26 and 30 from thw bloody valentines prompts by another-yandere-writer for arkham knight or arkham city riddler? Whichever game you're more familiar with

I've written for the Arkham Knight version in the past so I'll use that one ^^ Here's another late one for the V-Day prompts. (Links may be broken)

I spent forever coming back to this as I have no idea how to write the Riddler :( He's such a cool character but I struggle so much with his character I guess.

I'm happy you love my writing, sorry you had to wait months for this!

Prompts Found Here

Original Arkham Knight Riddler Concept Here

Yandere! Arkham Knight! Riddler V-Day Prompts 26 and 30

"You will be mine."

"I will chase you forever until I finally get you to myself."

Pairing: Romantic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Kidnapping, Unhealthy mental state, Stalking, Manipulation, Deception, Threats, Forced relationship.

The Riddler has always been a cryptic man. He's been known for his riddles around Gotham. Everything is a riddle with him...

Including his romantic intentions.

He's an insecure and confusing man to understand. There's times he wants to force you, his obsession, to worship him and the ground he walks on. Then there's other times where he wants to worship you... acting like you're the best thing that's ever happened to him.

There's times he wants you to call his name... then there's times he hates to hear it. The Riddler both wants to be held yet left alone.

His toughest riddle is how to show him affection.

The Riddler has been hooked on you for a long time. Way before he managed to keep you in a cage of his design... you caught his eye.

You were an ally of Batman... a smart one, too.

Your intelligence rivaled that of the detective himself. The Riddler at first felt threatened. Batman humiliated him all the time, now you were going to join him?

Yet... you didn't. You solved his riddles but he never got too upset about it. The Riddler found your presence pleasant compared to the Batman.

Each riddle he made you complete felt like a game. He wasn't sure why he felt so different towards you, he doubted you even thought of him the same. Perhaps you just weren't as judging?

Maybe you being different was simply an illusion crafted from his mind to excuse his abnormal adoration towards you.

He'd never say this out loud until he had you to himself but The Riddler had fallen for you. At first he simply had you participate in riddles with Batman. Then he removed Batman all together.

It became your form of bonding... each time he saw you, it drove him insane.

Even his conversations towards you became awkward flirting you'd always refuse.

"Have I mentioned how great you look tonight, dear? I made this one all for you...."

"How DARE you think you're too good for me!" You recall him saying. "I will chase you forever until I finally get you to myself!"

He'd flirt before every little puzzle of his, only to get frustrated when you turn him down. It's a quick switch in mood and you tried to only set him off at the end of his riddles.

You quickly noticed his motive with his riddles. Each riddle after that was strangely related to you or him. He was also getting desperate with his flirting until he snapped one day.

"Why do you want to know?"

"Do you have a thing with the Bat!?" He yelled at you once, you could hear the growl in his voice. "... you know we can't have that, dear."

"It's simple..." You remember The Riddler saying before starting the final riddle he prepared for you. "You will be mine."

The riddle planned for you was a trap. Pass or fail, your fate would've been the same. Tossed into a cage with irritating green paint... right in front of The Riddler himself.

That was when The Riddler finally had you to himself. It required some cheating, sure, but he's won this game of romance. That's all it was in his mind,

A game of courtship that he was leading you through... testing you to see if you were right for him.

Now... you truly are his. All locked in a cage... collar around your neck... looking like his little pet more than some sidekick. He liked the confidence you gave him.

Meanwhile you're trying to hold out until Batman comes around. For now... you have to follow his little games. Each day is a new riddle... something else to solve so you can keep Riddler entertained.

He liked to work your mind. He loved to watch you solve something. What he adored even more was how affectionate you got when he threatened you.

You may have never said it... but he knows Batman is coming. You may be affectionate now... yet he knew you'd turn right around once Batman came in the picture. The thought angered him...

But Riddler is prepared.

He'll make his deadliest riddle yet... once the bat is gone, then he'll finally have you all to himself.

#yandere dc comics #yandere the riddler #yandere riddler #yandere arkhamverse riddler #yandere edward nygma #yandere dc villains #yandere arkhamverse #yandere arkham knight riddler

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rollercoasterwords · 20 days

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I've heard of ppl complaining about ur writing speed and posting schedule but it's honestly ridiculous. like you actually write insanely fast. it is incredible that you have managed to write over 150,000 words (in very high quality writing might I add 🫶) in like 10 months !!

thank u lol honestly i feel like i’ve had relatively little bs 2 deal w compared 2 the flack i’ve seen some other fic writers get etc but i have def like. had conversations w some other fic writers abt how strange it feels 2 get people immediately commenting on chs like “when will the next ch be out?” or sending messages etc asking abt posting schedules…idk i have conflicted feelings bc on the one hand im like well maybe i just did this 2 myself by having unusually fast & consistent posting schedules at various points w past fics but on the other hand i do try 2 make it v clear when like. my posting is gonna slow down…& also i v much do not think it should be considered standard 4 people 2 be updating wips weekly or monthly etc like when i was writing a fic 4 a different fandom before i joined this one i took like a four month break in the middle of posting w no warning & no one complained abt it lol.

& it’s also like. i do understand that none of those comments/messages etc r ill intended & usually people will tack on a little ‘no pressure!’ but unfortunately i am going 2 pressure myself regardless…which i have had 2 actively work on bc i was like. i cannot keep stressing myself out over arbitrary deadlines i set for something that’s supposed 2 be a hobby!! so i might just be extra sensitive abt it now & if one of those messages catches me on a day where im stressed abt other stuff etc (frequent occurrence recently lol) then like. no matter how nicely it’s phrased it still doesn’t feel nice. & i understand wanting 2 know but i also don’t think u should read a wip unless ur actually prepared 2 a) deal w the story however it goes [separate complaint that i’ve been discussing w my fic writing friends lmao] and b) wait however long it takes 4 chs w no expectations abt regularly-scheduled posting. so!

anyway not sure 2 what extent this is like a new phenomenon or expectations have actually changed…one friend who’s been like. writing fic way longer than i have told me they do feel like there’s been a sort of shift across various fandoms w this new expectation that fic writers r posting regularly quickly & consistently. like maybe bc fic has become more ‘mainstream’ etc there are an influx of people who r bringing in new standards that sort of echo what they’d expect 4 other forms of media but like. when u take a step back & think abt it it’s a little wild 2 want or expect some random guy 2 be providing u w weekly entertainment for free…have seen a few people being like “ugh we need a new big wip that everyone’s reading & talking abt” & im like. oh so u want someone 2 kill themself lmao like everyone i know who’s had their fic treated like the fandom’s ~tv show~ that they tune in for every week has had a horrible horrible time lol

#ask #if other fic writers have had similar experiences & wanna discuss u know where 2 find me…i love 2 complain etc….#but yeah just had a v long convo w some friends abt this so. lots of thoughts!!#wfrau

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steddieas-shegoes · 4 months

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it's accountability hours

School is (temporarily) done! Hockey is (temporarily) done! Work is (sort of) slowing down for the year! And that means I am playing catch up on so many projects I had to kind of ignore for the past couple of months.

I've been keeping busy as co-mod mommy for @steddiemicrofic with @wynnyfryd, writing for and running @steddieholidaydrabbles, and preparing for the @steddiesongfics challenge starting in January. But from now until January 8th, I've got a lot of writing to work on. I obviously did not stick to the plan of having mechanic Eddie done by Thanksgiving. It also won't be done by Christmas. Or the new year. But I am planning on trying to have at least two chapters up by January 8th, which is better than nothing! I'm pretty sure it will be done by the end of January/beginning of February so long as my next set of classes doesn't try to kill me like these ones did.

I'm also going to be working on posting the next part of the camboy steve series at the beginning of January (with planned additions once a month after that).

I have a chaptered fic lined up for when mechanic Eddie is done, but again, updates will be dependent on how my classes are. I know the hockey schedule for January and February is...exhausting...so fingers crossed I don't get hit from both angles again.

I'm mostly posting this as a "hey mickala write your shit" thing because if I just keep telling myself to do it, I will get distracted by other shiny objects. But if I put it here, then I will have to make sure I didn't just lie to a lot of people.

Thank you to everyone who's been participating in the already mentioned events, and anyone who has been supporting me through what I have started referring to as "coasting on fumes" for the last few months. If you've messaged me and I didn't answer or took forever to answer, just know it is because I am still mentally and physically catching up on things and will eventually have a normal conversation again someday 💖

#steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #personal

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videocircus · 5 months

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I've been playing through the entire collection of Nancy Drew PC p&c Mystery Adventure games, developed by HeR Interactive, on and off for the past few months. The subject of today's conversation is 2005's 'Nancy Drew: Last Train to Blue Moon Canyon,' the story of a supposedly haunted train ride to Copper Gorge and the multi-generational search for a missing mine hidden by the train's original owner. The train finally arrives at Copper Gorge, and the search for a descendent of the original conductor leads side character Frank Hardy to briefly work as a Short-Order Cook, flipping burgers for information. Which brings us to Order 120363, from table 14, served by Flo.

The Hayashi Burger.

A simple beef & bun affair, which includes avocado, tomato, cheese, and inexplicably mayo, pineapple, and fruit jelly (hereupon referred to as fruit jam as to not pander to 260,033,939 adult babies).

For this recipe I need:

an untoasted bun sliced horizontally,

a beef burger patty,

two slices of fresh avocado,

a slice of fresh beef tomato,

a slice of dubiously fresh grape jam (stolen from a motel in MA),

a slice of fresh pineapple,

a slice of fresh american plastic cheese,

and finally, a slice of fresh mayonaise.

Please ignore the tin foil, it's just my reusable tin foil sheet collection.

With my accoutrement prepared and not needed to be cooked, the only thing we need to fry up is the beef.

Whilst that cooks, I'd like to take the opportunity to talk a little about my research into where a "Hayashi" burger actually comes from. The most coherrent definition of Hayashi I could find was the Japanese "Hayashi Beef" which is supposedly a derivative of the English "Hash" as in a beef hash. All recipes I found, however, use a demi-glace sauce containing onions, tomato and mushrooms to make more of a stew-style beef dish.

A YouTube recipe for "Burger Steak in Hayashi Sauce" appeared in my search results so I figured maybe watching would shine some light on this recipe. Perhaps it has been modernised to include Avocado, Fruit Jam, Pineapple, Cheese, and Mayo.

The video opens on a plate of pre-made pattys which are picked up by our protagonist, a person who wears their ring whilst handling raw meat (a level of dedication to a relationship I may never achieve). The pattys themselves clearly have chunks of diced onion incorporated into the meat; I would never claim to have the objective idea of the perfect burger, but as a bit of a burger snob myself I am adiment that pattys should be pure meat with salt and pepper, and that every other accoutrement be added after cooking. In the buns, not in the burger. Anyway, I'm critiquing the wrong things here. The burger pattys are fried and then set aside, and the residual beef grease is used to caramelise the onions and mushrooms...

Oh no, it's just onions and mushrooms again. My hopes for modernisation have been dashed once again. I was hoping the video's publishing date of October 2019 would be recent enough to overcome the sting of tradition.

Another option explored was the restaurant "Hayashi" located in Leamington Spa, coincidentally the same postcode area where I grew up. The Restaurant's connection to Last Train to Blue Moon Canyon (2005) is a longshot considering the restaurant opened coincidentally in July of 2019, the same year as our previous Hayashi Burger Steaks recipe, and also coincidentally their website's indentity certificate expired two days ago (two Hardy boys).

You know, all these coincidences are starting to add up. Perhaps something more sinister is at play here, some supernatural force calling me to this burger. I'm not one to claim "Demon" after a meager three coincidences, but I started to feel like completing this burger would summon a demon. I decided to cast a protection spell just incase.

For this recipe I need:

a candle,

a piece of dusty, antique jewlery,

an essential oil,

and a protective crystal.

For the purposes of this spell, watches count as jewlery.

They will watch over the following preceedings.

After that everything should be a-ok, but be on the look out for apocalyptic indications, maybe someone push the doomsday clock forward a couple of minutes.

After a bad luck streak on the general web I took myself to the HeR Interactive website to check the FAQs, figuring this question is probably asked all the time.

Nothing, huh. Well, if you get nothing from the creators the next best place is the fans. However, after perusing the various forum posts still I came up empty handed.

So, I suppose we may never know the origin story of the Hayashi burger. Well, unless some intrepid explorer were to send some sort of email to HeR Interactive, politely requesting some background information on the development of Last Train to Blue Moon Canyon…

Couldn't be me.

Our beef burgers ended up a little underercooked but we'll just say medium rare is part of the recipe. Our burger lays on the bottom of the bun, which usually I would be firmly against as the rising heat will wilt all of our accoutrement, but this time whatever Nancy wants, Nancy gets. The avocado is next which creates an unstable balancing platform for the rest of our heavy ingredients which will in time smush the avocado down. Next, our slice of tomato which becomes a surface on which to spread our grape jam. The viscosity of the jam comes in handy to secure the pineapple slice in place, which for absolutely no reason is the recipient of the unmelted cheese slice. Finally, perhaps the biggest crime, mayonaise. Now, I would consider myself a huge fan of mayoniase, a 'stan' even. When I refer to mayonaise in this recipe as "criminal" I am mostly hung up on the combination of creamy mayo with sweet jam and sour pineapple.

It is complete.

As with all happy memories, this needs to be captured on an analogue medium. Today we're using the Polaroid OneStep Express in Silver, using Polaroid Colour 600 film.

#polaroidmoment #filmisnotdead

And, the moment of truth. It tastes…

Horrendous.

It mostly just tastes of the pineapple which makes sense seems it's the most overpowering flavour in the whole burger. Damn you Australians. The grape jam adds about as much as a pinch of sugar would, which combined with the eggy, oily mayonnaise is a nightmarish pallet nauseator. The tomato and the avocado both bring nothing to the table, and need I even mention the unmelted cheese? Bleugh...

So, if you ever find yourself at a diner in the middle of the Colorado desert, do yourself a favour and just order the regular cheese burger. You may think you can trust the sweet waitress with the quaint name, but the short-order cook is completely new to this job and the burger might just have been thought up in a fever dream of jam sweats.

#mental is hocus #health: not pocus #nancy drew games #nancy drew pc games #her interactive #home cooking #burger #hayashi burger

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germanboyyippee · 2 months

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hm okay real honest question then so from what youve said it sounds like youd consider your past and who you were at those times to be a different person from who you are right st this moment.

how do you be ok with that? with having everything about who you are just a collection of an unimaginably huge amount of tiny events ?

hm... see i've been thinking on the first part of this, ever since i got this ask, and honestly i think this is a case of "ship of theseus paradox is easily solved/described if you had the proper terms for it" if that makes sense at all. who i was in the past and who i am in the present are the same Person, but different People.

my past self and my present self are both Me but the Person i was two years ago is different from the Person i am today. this doesn't mean he's a different entity or thing entirely (even if i, typing that, instinctively wanted to refer to my old self as They as in a Different Person), but if you presented a younger version of Me to the current Me, i would go "that's not me anymore, but it was once and i carry them with me even if we've grown apart"

i guess one way i've thought of describing it is that i'm every version of me i've ever lived and ever Will live ^_^ alt. a post i think about often but don't have on hand, "i am a mosaic everyone who's ever loved me/everyone i have ever loved". i am one person but i am made up of many many tiny events that have compounded into making me the Me i am today and helped me grow beyond the Me i was years/months/weeks/days ago. some of these are bad events, some of these are good, i tend to think of myself as an optimist so i'm usually trying to focus on the good but i know i couldn't have been shaped and changed without the bad ones

i feel like... being okay with it, i'm not sure, it's not something i've ever really considered, it's just something i've accepted. people change me and i change them in turn, i like seeing and knowing how i impact people and vice versa. a lot of the things i enjoy today are because friends recommended them to me, some of my favorite games and bands i only found because my friends told me about them. i know i change people both in habit and likes and memory, from things as big as "this is their favorite show now, because we watched it together" to "this person i've never spoken to stopped me in a hallway to say that, in a large classroom where i've never actively seen or made a note of where they sit, they always enjoy seeing the earrings i wear to class".

i guess what i'm trying to say is that i know change is a natural part of life (the whole time i've been writing this stp has been in my brain specifically the "is a child the same as an infant?" conversation with the shifting mound) and that i will always change, sometimes for the worse, sometimes for the better, sometimes it'll be in my control and sometimes it won't be. i'm still Me years later and even if i don't have the same mannerisms or things i did when i was younger, they're still part of me.

maybe part of this accepting this also has to do with knowing that other people are this way too! i am made of every day i've lived and every person i've met and loved even for brief moments, even if i don't realize it :]

smth also... change is inevitable and for me there is no reason fighting against it when that's the case. sure, not all change will be good, but i've found that knowing that and being prepared is better than trying to fight against an unstoppable force, and even in the case that you do try to prevent change, it usually won't work. you will change anyway, or you will stagnate and suffer. sometimes the act of trying to resist change itself will change you. without change i don't know who i am, i like routine in my day-to-day life, but without change i'll be the same Me forever, without experiences and new things to draw upon and think about, and i think that's a very boring and uncomfortable life to live.

i'm not sure if this is necessarily what you were asking, or if this makes sense at all, but if you have anything else i'd be happy to elaborate! identity and how it changes over time is something i think about a lot honestly ^_^ it's one of my favorite things to write about in regards to my ocs too so i think about it often!!

#coyote princess #i just got done with essay prep so i'm in the writing mood. if you couldn't guess

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thebadascetic · 2 months

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Small Steps Towards Big Goals

This week has been a mixed bag. I've been able to mostly keep to my dairy fast. Getting to finally have cheese again was such a rewarding experience. My fiance made me gnocchi, a perfect Lent meal that I had never had before and I enjoyed it immensely. I'll have to learn to make it myself for him one day. I also bought dairy free butter to allow me to at least have toast, one of my staples for this past week. But let's move on from food.

I finally finished my skirt on Tuesday. I had begun making it several months ago and had finished most of it by Christmas Day so I was able to wear it then but it took me until Tuesday to finish off the last section. It still needs a good iron and it's not the most skillful work ever done but it's only my second ever sewing project so I'm going to go easy on myself.

Wednesday was by far one of my most fun days. My friend and her brother took me to a carpark so I could learn to drive for the first time! I was there for about two hours, mainly going around this carpark over and over again but was eventually able to drive up the road and go around the roundabout. I feel very proud of myself for taking that first step but am still somewhat apprehensive for my next time driving. Towards the end of my two hours, one of the tyres hit something and had to be changed over. We were fine, it didn't affect the drive at all. Just created a bump in the tyre is all.

On Thursday, our Catholic young adult group started back up. I may have mentioned before but this year, I want to try and be more sociable at this group and become better friends with everyone. I was able to have a good conversation with a couple of people that I think I'll have the best chance of developing a friendship outside of the group with.

Towards the end of this week is where things became a little more sour. Five Uber Eats transactions that I didn't make showed up in my bank account, all from Thursday during a one hour window in the afternoon. I didn't see them until I began work on Friday. They added up to $82. I reported the transactions to my bank and then filled out a form on the Uber Eats website the next day. Fortunately, they are planning to refund the charges. Two of the charges have since disappeared and the other three are still pending so I'll just have to wait and see what happens.

Sunday came with a beautiful Divine Liturgy, as it should. The priest that came down to say the Liturgy is the one organising my Catechism. He brought with him a book for me: Christian Initiation of Children. It's a book all about baptising children. Obviously I'm not a child, but it still has a lot of good information on why we baptise, what will happen during my baptism, the role of sponsors, and how to prepare for my baptism. And the parts that pertain purely to infant and child baptism, as our priest said, will be useful to my fiance and I in the married life. It's a beautiful book, filled with prayers for conception, pregnancy, before and after childbirth, and for new mothers and fathers. I'd like to add some of those prayers to my intercessory prayers for my friend who herself is pregnant. The book is also presented in both English and Ukrainian, which will be useful for language learning. I've already picked up on the word for baptism (Хрещення). I've been told to read it with my fiance and we've already started it. I'm eager to continue. I've started reading the youth catechism I was given some months ago. I know a bit more than I knew then so it's starting to make more sense to me.

Today has been quite a calming day. I went to a psychology appointment that has left me feeling more comfortable with the direction my life is heading and what I'm focusing on. I also got to see the therapy dog again and was able to get some pictures of her. She's a lovely, albeit sleepy, lady. I've finally brought the bins to the curb. Someone was taking them up each week when we moved in but recently they stopped and our apartment building has gone a few weeks with no bins being emptied so I've taken them up tonight.

Lastly, I ordered some books for my fiance's birthday last month but they still haven't arrived. I had contacted the monastery that printed them last week and have been in contact with one of the nuns. She's all but prepared to print the books again for us, free of charge, but asked to wait two more weeks to make it a full month due to frequent delays in the Australian Post Office. My fiance agreed and wouldn't you know it: tonight, I found a warning in my mail box telling me that I'll need to pick up my package or they'll be returned to sender. All this for a package that I've gotten no update or notice about at all 🙃. Hopefully, it'll be my fiance's books.

Glory to Jesus Christ!

#catholic #catholic women #christian faith #christian living #christian women #christianity #eastern orthodoxy #jesus #jesus christ #orthodoxy #eastern catholic #catholicism

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tokidokitokyo · 1 year

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2022年11月30日

The end of the year is looming, and with preparations for Christmas and the New Year comes thoughts of the JLPT for many. Good luck if you are taking it this year! I won't be taking it, but I am definitely already thinking about my goals for next year. This will be my last regular monthly update, as next month I will review my progress over this past year and talk about my goals for the next year! Let me know how you are doing with your goal progress too!

そろそろ年末年始が近づいて、後ちょっと日本語能力試験も来ますよね。受けてる皆さん頑張ってね！私は日本語能力試験を受けませんが、もう来年の日本語の目標について考えていますよ。今月のアップデートは今年の最後の普通のアップデートですよ。来月は2022年の成長についてを書いて、来年の目標の話をしようと思っています。皆さんの目標の進歩は今までどうでしたか？

My Goals at the Beginning of the Month

Spend at least 10 minutes per day studying Japanese

Reading practice daily (articles, manga, books)

Review 5 kanji a day

Active listening practice once a day

How I Studied This Month

Spent at least 10 minutes studying Japanese almost every day 〇

Read (article, manga, book) once a day 〇

Reviewed 5 kanji about once a week or so ✕

Actively listened to the news, a movie, or kids' shows every day 〇

〇 = completed, △ = partially completed, ✕ = did not complete

Primary Study Tools/Methods

Articles (NHK News Easy)

Manga (月刊少女野崎くん・Monthly Girls' Nozaki-kun, おじさまと猫・A Man and His Cat)

Books (コンビニ人間・Convenience Store Woman)

Children's shows (いないいないばあっ！・おかあさんといっしょ・アンパンマン・ギョふんでサカナ★スター)

Netflix children's shows in Japanese

What Were My Strengths?

Reading - I was able to read short articles daily, and manga or books when I had a little extra time

Listening - I can fairly easily pick up the dialogue in the children's shows, although it does help that I watch the same shows over and over again (love that repetition), and I even learn stuff (animal names, various phrases, etc.)!

What Were My Weaknesses?

Kanji - I have been slacking off on my kanji -practice during the second half of the year so I'll need to find a way to reintegrate it into my daily study habits. I used to do flashcards daily, but I'd like to try to increase the number of new kanji I'm learning too

Writing - I haven't been writing much in Japanese either, and although it wasn't a goal, I find that the lack of practice shows

Other Study Methods I'd Like to Try

Writing Practice - I do occasionally write on tumblr, but I'd like to write more often, and if possible get it corrected

Workbook - I love using the 総まとめ (Sou-matome) series workbooks (vocabulary, grammar, kanji, listening) but I don't have much time to pull them out and sit down to work on them, but I'd like to do more workbook study if I can

Grammar - I enjoy the short grammar videos from 日本語の森 (Nihongo no Mori) and I would like to get back into watching these videos a few times a week (and taking notes)

Keigo - I'd like to work on learning formal Japanese better, to improve my speaking ability when in conversational situations

I always say that the most important thing to improve your Japanese (or any language or skill for that matter) is to practice daily. I think that having daily conversations at home in Japanese helps me a lot, but the extra effort I put into continuously studying and trying to stretch myself and learn more really does pay off. When I use a new vocabulary word that I've taken the time to internalize in front of a group of people, they don't even notice the huge accomplishment it is for me, but I feel quite proud of myself when I can seamlessly communicate with native speakers for a majority of the time. When I learn something new about an animal and can communicate it to my son in Japanese, I feel excited about learning new things. When I can read and understand a whole sentence without looking up a single kanji or word (even if I'm guessing at some of the meanings), I feel quite pleased with myself.

Taking a look back at the time and effort I put in to my studies, I think that these small wins should be great sources of pride (for myself and for you too!). What are the things that you notice about your own Japanese progress?

いつも繰り返し言うのは毎日日本語を勉強するのは目標の進歩に一番大事なことだと思います。他の言語の勉強やスキルを習いにも当たり前ですよね。うちには毎日日本語で会話するのは大切だけど、その日常会話以外に勉強の努力も大事だと思います。「今」の能力よりもっと上に上がりたいと思っている気持ちも大事だと思います。例えば、人前に新しく習った単語を正しく使う時や、日本語で息子に新しい動物について通じられる時や、辞書を使わず文書を理解ができる時、とても自慢したくなります（笑）

今までの日本語の勉強の努力を考えると、別にちょっと自慢してもいいかなと思っていて、皆さんも自慢していいと思います。皆さんは頑張ってて、成長していて、すごいと思っています！皆さんの進歩について何か気づいたことがありませんか？

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