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teacuptoast · 1 year

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Swallow Your Pride

GIF by bitchbloggerspost

Relation: Young Justice x platonic! gn! reader

Warnings: Self-destructive tendencies, Alcohol, mention of death, angsty af so prepare yourself

Words: 1.6k

Summary: "Everyone wishes they had superpowers but I’d give anything for them to leave me alone.”

Swallow Your Pride is the 3rd Part of Dead or Alive or Neither, P2: Hollow Spectators

A/N: Only took me 5 months haha. Anyway, this one is definitely a favorite of mine so I hope you enjoy it. If you have any thoughts or feedback please consider leaving them in the comments! It really helps me grow as a writer and I love hearing from you all! Happy reading!

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“Does anything help? Anything make them go away?”

I shifted in my seat uncomfortably, “Nothing.”

“Anything…less recreational?”

“Handle of liquor doesn't even phase me, same with the drugs. Even the less PG activities don’t help, not physically anyway.”

Her pen scribbled down on the clipboard. Looking up at me every couple of seconds like I'd disappear. While her face didn’t show disappointment, I know she felt it. I could see it in her eyes, the ‘I wish I could have told her I loved her’ look or the ‘I can’t believe that's the last thing I said to him’ look.

Raising her head she looked up at me, eyes asking the obvious. I wouldn’t bring it up; because she would just spew it to the rest of them. They would tiptoe around me like I was covered in glass, fearing that one wrong move would break me completely. Maybe I was fraggle, mentally at least, but I think I've done a pretty good job at protecting myself.

“You’ve struggled for so long Y/N. We have the resources to help you,” She pleaded, “Why not reach out for help?”

It’s obvious isn’t it.

I calmly pursed my lips together, “Might as well frost a burnt cake.” Raising a brow, her face scrunched. It took her a few seconds but quickly understood.

“And if someone takes a bite,” She asked.

I shook my head and smiled, “Wouldn't change a thing. I’ve simply learned to live with it.”

“It doesn't take a stranger to see that your miserable Y/N. I’m asking you this not as your counselor but as your friend, please, let us help you,” Her eyes scanned for any reaction. She was left searching for anything on a cold, blank canvas.

“I’m not miserable,” I spoke sternly, “The only reason we’re having this conversation is because you suddenly know I have powers.”

My eyes tried to escape around the room as I sighed, “I’ve spent years learning to live with it in my own ways. I was thrown into this nightmare the moment I was born, and I've built quite the life out of my situation.”

The room seemed to be getting hotter as she tried to back petal, “I’m not trying to fix you Y/N–”

“Yes you are,” I bursted, “This is how we work. We stick our noses where we don’t belong until we find something to fix! Well maybe not everyone wants to be saved!” Now she was the one sighing, sinking deeper into her padded chair.

The silence settled in as I took my leave, “You can cut the whole counselor act too. I know you all are just itching to get me a collar.” Grabbing the handle I pushed the door open, wordlessly stepping past the bat hero on the other side.

***

Swaddled in a blanket I curled further into the couch. The sound of bad soap-drama reruns filled my small apartment, poorly drowning out the noise. I’d rather listen to 6 friends in a New York coffee shop than Mary Ann and Douglass, the couple who's been arguing continuously for the past 120 years.

A quiet sigh left my lips as I unwrapped myself. After a quick contemplation I quietly placed my feet on the hardwood flooring. Quickly hitting the remote, I stalked towards the kitchen in search of food. I wasn’t hungry, but I needed something to pass the time. That was a lie.

Scavenging through the cabinets my hands found nothing of interest. If there was no more pasta then I’d just eat rice. With a small shuffle of my feet I found the bag was gone, instead crumpled up and tossed next to the waste bin. A heartless chuckle left my mouth as my head dropped to the floor. It wasn’t long before my body followed, slumped against a cabinet holding my most expensive hobby.

I sat there for a long time, longer than I should have. Thoughts came and went like missed phone calls. They would pop up for a moment and I’d contemplate answering them, before eventually letting them drift on. My consciousness was adrift in a sea of problems, my body running on autopilot.

One sip, two sip, three sip, more sips. I let myself fall deeper into an ocean of expensive regret. Not swimming but drowning, willingly drowning. After letting myself go it was finally quiet; my life truly serene.

I’d sailed so far out that I hadn’t even realized I was now on my feet, stumbling towards the door. A knock or more like an aggressive hit was waiting on the other side. Looking through the keyhole I saw a familiar face.

“I brought food and some of that good liquor you like.”

“Thanks. You can leave it at the door.”

Sighing he looked towards the floor. The two of us waited like a western shootout and I wasn’t about to make the first move.

“Can we just talk,” he asked, “Please.”

Even when we were kids, I was the target of his constant nagging. To him I was proof he didn’t need powers to be a hero. A hero that wasn’t like Batman.

I stared at him a moment longer before reluctantly pulling the handle open. On the other side of the door was a disheveled Dick Grayson. He was wearing jeans and a sweater; nothing too fancy, but he was more put together then I was.

I brought my eyes up to his face where he was impatiently waiting for me. Though I was listening for the howels behind him. Waited for some backhanded comment about how I was the scum of the earth. How I deserved to be dead, not spite those who are already. My mind was foggy and distant, far enough away from reality that I simply couldn’t see them.

Braking from his eyes, I held a hand out and gestured towards the bottle in his grasp. Quickly, he rearranged his hold on the plastic bag and pushed it towards me. My hand anxiously grabbed it before bringing it down to my side.

I couldn’t bother to look at the label as I wandered back towards the TV, “This better be the good shit, Grayson.”

“Only the best for the best,” he answered, hesitantly entering the apartment. Hearing the door shut behind him I fell into a mountain of blankets and pillows, snuggling myself into them. They shielded me from the upcoming conversation.

He took a seat next to me, undoubtedly uncomfortable. He didn’t know where to put his hands, so they ended up stuffed in his lap.

The silence must have been eerie for him as it fell over us. I quickly unscrewed the cap to the bottle. This wasn’t like when we patrolled the watch tower, back then we trusted each other. Though someone had to make a move, and it sure as hell wasn’t going to be me.

“Why,” he whispered, “Why didn’t you tell me.”

In his words it felt like a rock was logged in my throat, stopping me from answering. I can’t just tell him it wasn’t his fault. Am I supposed to explain what it’s like, because to me at least, it's livable. Strictly livable. How do you explain to a person who wants the one thing you hate most, that it’s not worth it.

A long breath passed my lips before I took a sip, “I didn’t want to.”

“You remember when we were kids, out in Bialya? I hadn’t even known you for 6 months, and guess who I ran to? You. I ran to you because I knew,” He took a sudden pause, “Well, I thought I knew.” A sense of betrayal laced his voice as he dared to look at me. Rolling my eyes I tipped the bottle again.

Coming out from the blankets I sat up, “It wasn’t your problem,” I slurred, “Besides it’s not like I'm dead or something. I’m still just a regular Joe.” That was another lie.

“A regular Joe who can communicate with the dead. And for the record, if you were actually ok, you would have realized that you were drinking a bottle of Tido’s.”

With the comment my eyes shot towards the bottle, “You son of a bitch,” I dryly laughed. I hated vodka, Tido’s especially; he must have remembered from my 21st.

Though he didn’t seem too amused, “For someone who ‘knows how to handle this’, you look awful,” Setting my poison on the floor he continued, “Swallow your pride Y/N, let us help you.” I looked up to make sure I heard him correctly. When I realized I did, something snapped.

It was the straw that broke the camel's back.

“Can you help me? Like you have a clue about what goes on inside my head,” I started, “I have spent years, no, decades figuring how to live like this.”

My sarcasm started to boil into anger, “So yeah, i’m not perfectly happy, but at least I can say I’m alive. After being surrounded by grief and death for so long, I can finally prove to myself I’m alive.”

“Maybe being alive isn’t what the world needs from me, but for the first time in my life, I want to live. Live like death isn’t two steps behind me,”

“Then let us help you-”

Amused, I looked at him, “I’m done with this hero bullshit.”

He looked panicked by their sudden statement, “Then let me save you Y/N.”

“Haven’t you learned anything,” I shouted, “I can’t let you save me, because I want to save myself!”

A/N: How was the story? Got some feedback? Let me know in the comments. Thanks for reading and I'll see you soon!

#young justic x reader #young justice imagines #kid flash x you #nightwing x reader #dc x reader #dc imagine #dc imagines #batfam x reader

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teacuptoast · 1 year

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Ok I know I claim to be an angst writer but the story I’m reading…omg. I HAVE NEVER STARTING CRYING DURING A FIC BUT THIS MIGHT HE THE ONE. Is this how you guys felt reading “when we were kids”💀 because if so, I’m so, deeply sorry for what I made you experience.

When We Were Kids

Relation: Dick Grayson x GN!Reader, Young Justice x Teammate! GN. Reader

Warnings: Cussing, hardcore angst, death, potential to make you cry, grammar and spelling mistakes because its 3am

Words: 7.6K

Summary: “I remember when we were just kids. Back before everything got so difficult."

A/N: Well this took me an obnoxiously long time to finish. Anyway, I can't tell if I love this or hate it so let me know in the comments. Feedback is always appreciated :)

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2010:

“This is your newest team member. Everyone sees Blackouts.”

I tried to push my shoulders back and fix my posture. Scanning the room I’m met with smiles and uncertain looks. They seemed unsure of me, though that was the last of my worries. ‘I’m a hero now.’ I thought giddily.

Trying to break the awkward silence I raise my hand and respond with a nervous chuckle. Noticing the tense air, the tallest of the group quickly took charge.

“Hello, I’m Aqualad. This is Robin, Kid Flash, Miss Martian, Superboy, and Artemis. We’re excited to have you join us.” Smiling, the boy took a step forward, extending a hand out to me which I gladly took.

Tapping the toe of my boot to the ground I meekly smiled as the one with the red hair took no time in trying to flirt with me. Though he didn’t get far before the girl in green hit him over the head.

“Don’t mind him,” She smiled and bit back at him, “He’s awful at introducing himself to new teammates.”

Laughing I could only smile back, “No worries, let's just say my patience is thinner than it looks.” Walking past the two I gave the boy known as Wally a very, strong pat on the back. As he winced, the girl chuckled, ‘Oh I like them already!’

Thinking it would be best to introduce myself to the others I looked around. I started by saying hello to the girl with green skin and the boy following her around like a lost puppy.

Looking at the boy I chuckled, “You look like you’re already plotting my murder?” With a lopsided look, I turn to find the girl next to him laughing.

Scratching the back of his neck he looks at me with a small smile, “Sorry, that was definitely not intentional.” Waving it off the two were very welcoming. As they were two of the three members that stayed in the cave, Megann jumped at the idea of helping me decorate my room.

Saying my goodbyes I walked towards my last teammate, the one boy sulking at the back of the room. The Boy wonder, the bat kid, Robin. The infamous sidekick looked anything but excited to meet and he took no time in explaining why.

“I don’t trust you,” He spoke in a brooding tone, arms crossed like a pouting child.

With a closed-lip smile, I extended my hand out to him, “Well I hope I can change that.”

2013:

“No, I can handle the explosion. Get everyone evacuated from the building.” I spoke swiftly, laying eyes on the explosive. Pacing down the last few steps into the basement I steadied myself as the large bomb shook the building.

Years old dust was dislodged from the ceiling, showering me in particles. Trying to cover my head from any falling debris, the reality of the situation began to kick in. Hearing the cement foundation braking, I knew that if the bomb went off more than just this building would fall.

In front of me was a large device, something that had to have been pieced together inside the cramped room. In the center was a glowing red screen, reading the number 00:59. Another shake almost knocked me off my feet as my heart began to run.

“Alright this is just like being struck by lightning,” Rubbing my hands together I tried to talk myself up, and bounced from side to side, “Just gotta wait for the bomb to explode so I can take it all in. Piece of cake.”

Letting out a shaky breath I regretfully admitted, “No pressure.”

Clicks followed clacks as the number quickly began to decrease. My mind was lost in the colossal weight of it all, eyes staring blankly at the screen. Trying to shake out my nerves I taped my boots and let out what wouldn’t be my last shaky breath of the night.

Being in the boiler room of ‘The Nation's Largest Tech Company’ was hotter than expected. Sticky heat stuck to my skin as I was beginning to sweat. Whether from the stress of the situation or the warmth of the room, I didn’t bother finding its origin.

“Alright, the buildings cleared Blackout. Try not to get yourself killed.” Nightwings voice filled the mind link as I chuckled. 00:22 seconds. Wiping the sweat from my face I readied myself.

Placing my hands on the bomb, I responded, “Careful Wing, you almost sound like you care,” Listing to the round of chuckles, I cut the moment short, “Alright everybody T-minus 15 seconds. See you on the other side, Blackout out.”

Feeling the mind link close I shut my eyes in preparation. I was glad no one was here with me, no one would have to watch me tremble. My legs shook so badly I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to stand. My mind was scattered, every bone in my body telling me to run away. I was scared. I’m not ready to die. Opening my eyes I looked at the dooming numbers.

A quick flash of bright light made me shut my eyes rapidly, giving me enough time to pull myself together. ‘I have to keep them safe,’ I thought, ‘No one has to die.”

What followed next was excruciating. Chemical reactions followed a defining bang as I was swarmed by power. Raw and hot power. At first I thought it would melt my skin off, leaving me a pile of ash. Though there I was, still standing.

Shutting my eyes a brief scream broke through my lips as I struggled to keep the explosion from growing any bigger. The size of the boiler room was big enough for a small party of five, this bomb was big enough to kill a party of 5,000.

Engulfing the energy, I felt like I was being repeatedly thrown through pools of lava before being cooked alive on the sun's surface. I just kept drawing it inward, not letting a single piece go. Bearing the pain was worth it if these people got to go home to their families.

Then before I could realize it, there was nothing left to consume. The burning sensation turned into a comforting warmth. Like I was being snuggled by a blanket on a cold winter evening. The warmth sizzled like the ringing in my ears.

My feet began to trip as I stumbled back. Catching myself before I hit the floor I rubbed my eyes. Carefully opening them, I quickly forced them back shut. The small embers they locked onto sent me into an uncomfortable pain. Opting to keep them closed I carefully brought myself to my feet. One hand covering my face, the other danced around for the handle to the stairs.

Once I found it, I thanked whoever decided to make them concrete instead of metal. Not like there was any skin on my hands left. Gripping the handle I began to pull myself up through the flight of stare. Each step hurt more and more as my assent continued. The looming threat of losing consciousness and falling back down the flight was enough to keep me going. One step in front of the other, and after slugging myself up I felt the steps level out.

Feeling for the door I cautiously took one step forward. Finding the door frame I cautiously walked through what I thought, and luckley was, an open door. From then I followed the nearest lightsource, hoping to find the exit.

With the last of my energy, I took small, dragging steps into what I believed was the lobby. Picking and piercing and prodding. In an instant my head began to pull itself apart. A whimper escaped my lips as I buckled forward, trying to make the feeling go away.

Before I could realize it I began falling. Though I could not hear, sleep called for me. Air falling around me I braced for the hit, but before I did something stopped me.

They were warm and I embraced the hold for a short moment. Felling their heartbeat, I reminded myself that I wasn’t dead. That I had completed the mission.

Daring to open my eyes, they carefully cracked open to find another. A black mask covered my favorite pair of blue eyes. They were trying to say something but I couldn't bother to listen; I wouldn’t be able to hear him anyway.

Shaking my shoulders once more I closed my eyes and softened in his hold, before giving in to the calming world of sleep.

2015:

“I’m being accused of crimes I haven’t committed. Crimes I’ve never thought of committing.”

“We have probable cause for believing you’d do something dangerous with your powers,”

I stood in the middle of the hanger, absolutely dumbfounded. In Front of me was the entirety of the justice league; they were having an intervention of some sort. An intervention that was pointless and a waste of my time.

“And that would be a concern if I was a super villain…which I’m not. Do you think I take on nuclear weapons for shits and giggles?” I seethed back.

They all just strolled in here to what? Try to convict me of crimes I haven’t done, that's laughable. Crossing my arms I looked at my team, hoping they would back me up. Though their expression mirrored their mentors. Some couldn’t even find the heart to look at me.

Batman stepped forward as I turned back to face him, growing more annoyed. Taking strides I closed the space between us. The tense feeling only thickened around the room as the leaguers got into a defensive position.

“You’re one loss away from turning into one. The amount of power you hold is making you unstable, and this conversation is only proving it.” He spoke coldly.

“What am I supposed to do with it, huh,” I asked with a chuckle and continued, “Hey Gotham! I’m running out of storage. Do you mind taking this alien laser beam for me? K, thanks!”

Silence responded as no one dared say a word. Arguably the two most stubborn heroes where locked in a pissing contest, and it would be stupid to try and brake it up.

Breaking the silence I continued with a sturdy tone, “I’ve been given the opportunity to help people and I think I’ve been doing a pretty good job at that.” Tilting up my chin, I held the tension for a few more seconds before turning on my feet. This conversation was over.

Beginning to walk towards the Zeta Tube, I could feel the gaze of my teammates following me. I was blindsided by the information that my friends, by now, my family, thought I was a traitor. They thought I was like Kaldur, and that hurt even more.

I stopped as I stepped through the zeta tube, ready to feel the familiar energy of the device though it didn’t respond how I expected it to.

“B-07 Blackout. Access Denied.”

What started off as disbelief tumbled into anger. I shook my head as I felt a familiar touch of air behind me, though it wasn’t Wally.

“This needs to be done Y/N. I’m sorry.” The somber voice of Berry Allen was heard behind me, though before I could face him, my fate was sealed. Sealed with a snap that I’d only ever hear once more in my life.

Heavy weighed the metal around my neck. I tried to grasp onto anything inside of me but it was quickly stolen away. The warmth and love I had grown familiar with were quickly replaced by a sick sense of…calm? The stormcloud that paraded in my mind was lifted, and revealed the wasteland that was left of my consensus.

They had taken it all away. My euphoria. Everything.

“You people are crazy! I haven't done anything wrong!” I screamed and began to panic.

My mind raced too quickly for me to realize what I was doing; I fished my phone out of my pocket. As I dialed frantically I didn’t bother to look up at the others.

Dialing the number I pressed the call button. Tapping my boots I anxiously waited for the caller to answer.

“Hello, this is Cat Grant of GBS-”

“This is the superhero Blackout. They're trying to frame me. Help-” Just as I had cut off the reporter, The Flash quickly took my phone before ending the call. When the phone hit the floor my adrenaline faded, and turned into fight or flight. I was one hell of a flightless bird.

Grinning, I let out a shaken laugh, knowing that I now had leverage in the situation. It's bad press to arrest one of your up-and-coming members, let alone someone who has had media recognition for being a HERO!

The chuckles continued as I looked towards my team. Looking at the league I bellowed out a laugh, “Just wait till the media hears about this! Then you're all screwed!” Laughing more my hands were soon cuffed behind my back.

A rough push sent me forward as I began to walk. Slowly at first, I glanced down at my feet and my laughter settled. Before I could pass them, I stopped. Looking up to my team, my family, I couldn’t help but feel like this was some sick fever dream.

Unfortunately it was a dream I’d never wake up from.

“You're welcome for saving your asses the past 5 years. Try not to die.”

2017:

“And now I ask you to stand as I welcome our reigning champion, ruler of the ring, Obsidian!”

The crowd cheered as a bright light flashed over my face. A smile passed over my face as I walked into the center of attention. Roars of cheers filled my aids and sent waves of happiness through my body. They were all here, all here to support the kids.

Stepping into the ring, I threw my hands in the air to bask in the celebration one final time. Across the ring I found a familiar opponent. David Alamo or as he was known in the rink, Pops.

Meeting in the middle we shook hands as we gave each other toothy smiles; It's hard not to. With one last look at one another, I say a quick, ‘good luck old man’ before we get into position.

“The fight of the night is here! All bets placed as of now are final. Now let round one commence!” The mic went silent and the room was filled with shouts and cheers. Alcohol and cigars covered the place in its natural smell.

I made the first move, quickly shuffling my feet. My movements were fluid but sharp, together and precise. They quickly carried me to the other side of the rink, bringing me in striking range.

‘Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee.’ I told the younger ones. I swore by it. ‘I swear they better be asleep by now-’ I thought.

Before I could react, a fist made contact with my face. The blow sent me stumbling backward; my body bounced against the adjacent ropes. Looking up I met the old man's eyes and as he smiled, “Lost in thought? Thought we fixed that years ago?”

“Yea, yea, whatever. Just giving your fans a chance to win the bet,” Recovering with a quick shake of the head, I refocused. Moving once again my hands raised to shield my face. My previous quick witted demeanor simmered down to a brooding comparison. I looked and acted like a boxer.

Though as he quickly covered his face, in fear of an attack, I kneeled down and swung my leg around. ‘I never really was the Rocky type.’

With a small gasp, he went falling towards the floor. Surprised I had made the first round so sudden, he tried to recover but was stopped by the foot on his chest, signaling the end of the round.

For the gamblers, we usually draw out the first round. Though I couldn’t let that old bastard make a fool of me yet.We carried on like this for the next few rounds, before I was able to make a break for the finish. Allowing the light to once again graze across my body, I showed a short smile to the crowd.

Turning back into the ring I gave my hand to the man who took me in all those months ago. Although we were both beaten and bloody he still gave that comforting, chuckling smile. Walking towards the center of the rink we faced the cow. Hand in hand we waited for the announcer to finish off the night.

“Your champion for the 6th week in a row, Obsidian!” A large role echoed from the crowd as the annoncer spoke. Closing my eyes I basked in their cheers one final time before opening my eyes to stare into the crowd. They 're all here to watch me, to support me and the program.

Though my eyes open to find someone who puts a bitter taste in my mouth. A bitter taste and haunting memories. What is he doing here?

My once smiling face turned stone cold in an instant as we stared at each other, seeing who would break first. Unfortunately, that was me.

Three small voices broke me from my anger, “THAT WAS CRAZY OZZIE!”, “HOW DID YOU DO THAT?”, lastly followed by a meek voice, “You’re bleeding pretty badly, you need to go get checked up on.”

Smiling, I looked at the children's faces. I let go of Pop's hand, though he grabbed my wrist before I could escape. He gave me the ‘we're gonna talk about whatever the hell that was later’ look. Nodding I ducked under the ropes and jumped down to where the kids were sitting.

With an unimpressed scowl, I looked down at them, “You guys should have been in bed hours ago! You had fights today! Why are you still up?”

The two pointed towards the boy in the middle and said, “It was Apes' idea!” He looked at the two and scolded them for ratting him out. Kneeling down I put on my best scary face as he looked at me.

“I wanted to watch you beat Pops…” He meekly spoke. My scary face was flimsy at best and quickly faded. Grinning, I reached out to ruffle his hair.

“Well now that I did, you all need to go to bed. You have training in the morning!” I spoke above the crowd as they began to shuffle out of the building. Putting a hand against their backs I walked Ape and the others backstage to their cabins.

Opening the door revealed around 30 other kids below the age of 16, all metahumans and orphans. They live here and train while they’re not at school. We feed them and care for each other. In the short span of just a few years, they had become my family.

Here there's no judgment, they can grow up to become whatever they want to be; hero or not, they were loved.

Seeing the three crawl into bed, I wished them goodnight before heading back to my own quarters. My steps began to drag as I neared the familiar door. Gripping the handle I entered my room with a sigh.Kicking off my shoes and beginning to take off my-

“You fall off the face of the Earth to join a fight club. That's such a Y/N thing to do.”

Angered I took one, long and obnoxious deep breath to calm myself, “Grayson, I’m going to give you one chance to walk out of here unharmed. Leave now.” Hearing him stand from his spot on my bed I waited.

Stalking towards me I still refused to look at him. The pain he and everyone else caused me was enough for me to kick his ass all the way back to Gotham. I waited anyway, I wanted my chance.

Stopping behind me he leaned towards my ear, “Please just let me explain.” His hot breath tickled my neck, but I didn’t let him get much closer than that. Quickly spinning around to face him I used the moment to bring my hand around. He didn’t even try to move out of the way.

Stumbling back he cradled his now throbbing cheek. Meeting my eyes the realization hit him quickly. He threw his hand up in surrender.

“Alright, I deserve that.” He spoke in that stupid cheeky voice.

“You deserve a lot more than that,” I said with as much spite as possible, “I could care less about what aliens are threatening Metropolis right now. I’m done with you, your bullshit, and the league's bullshit. Now get out before I call Pops.”

He looked confused, “Pops?”

“Turn around, stalker.” A smile was brought to my face as Pops was seen standing in the doorway. He looked red with anger, the type of anger that happens when one of his ‘kids’ is in trouble.

Looking at me he asked, “You know him, Ozzy?”

My face settled back into one of distaste, “Old Acquaintances.” I responded grumbling.

I’ve moved on with my life but I still held onto that feeling of loss. The feeling of being forgotten and feared. The feeling of losing my family and identity all in the matter of a day was enough to leave me bitter.

“We’re teammates.” He protested, though the statement only made me mader.

My voice raised as I turned to him, “Teammates?” I asked, “Teammates don’t try to convict other teammates of mass genocide, Dick.” Before I could continueI felt a warm hand on my shoulder. It was Pops, trying to get me to calm down before I did something stupid.

The three of us fell into an uncomfortable silence. You could practically see the anger radiating off me, anger that hasn’t surfaced in years.

“The six of us are all meeting tomorrow on top of the Catco building. I expect you to be there.” He spoke, now much more seriously than before. Walking out of the room my eyes didn't have the energy to follow him out.

Closing the door behind him I spoke before Pops could ask any questions, “Please don’t.” I quietly pleaded. I asked him to leave and after a protest, he closed the door behind him.

After a long moment I sat down on my bed, where Dick previously was. Putting my head in my hands I was gently reminded of the collar I had on my neck and fell deep into my thoughts.

‘They didn’t know, and I never wanted them to find out. The kids I mean.

The older ones can put two and two together, but the little ones think it's just a part of my costume. Pops was surprised, of course, you never really see convicted felons wandering around the streets, let alone a newly turned adult. Despite it all he took me in with open arms, he didn’t ask questions and I certainly didn’t share. I always told him that his trusting nature might get him killed. I don’t think he cared too much though.

They loved me like a family…but were they? Did I even have one? By blood of course, though I never got to know them. Then there was the team. Funny how in 6 years so much had changed. Kalder turned to the light, I got arrested and Wally.

Wally.

I beat myself over that a lot. Not a day goes by that I don’t. I could have stopped it…they know I could have stopped it. Everyone knows. What if this? What if that? It doesn’t matter anymore. He’s dead and a part of me died with him.’

Showering off my blood and grief I readied myself for bed. I think back to the days we shared one, just like this.

- -

“Alright, you rascals. Pops is running training this evening, I've got stuff to do. DO NOT do anything stupid! You’ve got fights tomorrow and I expect that we give our fans a good show. Alright!” You demanded of the young fighters. They nodded their heads whilst they finished dinner.

Giving high fives and knuckles on the way out of the canteen I grab my jacket from the rack.

“You don’t have to do this Ozzy,” Pop said, “You owe them nothing. Not a second of your time.”

Sighing I tried not to face him, “I know Pops but, I have a name to clear. You’ve taught me to take pride in myself and my actions,” he engulfed me in a hug, surprising me, “Today is the day I lay my demons to rest.”

Sighing, he straightened out the color of my jacket, “Alright. Be back before dinner!” Smiling, he let me go. Watching me walk out the door I trekked through the rather gloomy night. It was cold, leaving me feeling uncomfortable and underdressed despite my jacket. Though I continued to walk through the streets under the dim lights.

To pass the time I began to speak to myself, “Come on Y/N. Why the hell are you doing this!” Throwing my hands up I sighed. “They probably just want you to swallow up some intergalactic space beam that is heading toward Earth. Yeah, sounds about right.”

My mind began to wander as I almost walked past the large news building. Slipping in through the front door and past security, I began my long walk to the top of the building. Marching up step by step I grew more doubtful. Something about this didn’t seem right to me. Why talk to me now after all this time?

Finally reaching the door to the roof I took in a final breath before gripping the handle, putting on a familiar persona and opening that door.

In Front of me stood the five of them. All together huddled in a circle they turned to face me with surprised faces. ‘Was I really the only one who thought I would show up?’ I asked myself.

Taking steps closer to them I decided to break the silence, “Sorry I’m late. Didn’t know I was invited to the team reunion.” Stopping a few feet from the group I looked to Kaldur first.

“Y/N, you look well.” He spoke, giving me a nodd. A very Kalder-like thing to defuse the situation.

Turning to Artemis I spoke, “Thought you were dead,” and then looking back to Kaldur, “And though you were evil. Huh, time flies.” They both looked away, almost shamefully. I’m glad they're not dead; I’m mad but I'm not heartless.

“Alright, your here today because I need you all for co-ops mission.” Nightwing spoke, though he didn’t get very far without me interrupting.

I let out an array chuckle, “You're kidding? Please tell me your kidding?” l looked around as Conner huffed in annoyance, “You expect me just to forget everything that happened? Just toss it under the carpet. Let me guess, for the good of the world?”

“Please Y/N just hear me out.”

“Hear me out after I crush Gotham, or commit world geniceide? take your pick?” I asked sarcastically, “You guys were my family, my friends and you accused me of crimes I’d never commit. You arrested me. You ruined my life. And for what? Because you were scared? Do you think the people I saved from the Wayne Tech building were scared of me?” Rambling I took another breath to let my anger settle. A melancholy tone settled on my voice, “Because I was scared. I thought I died. I lost my hearing and apparently lost your trust too.”

After my speech I began walking towards Dick, staring him dead in the eyes, “Was nearly killing myself not good enough for you?” I turned to look at the others, “For any of you.”

Kaldur took a steep forward once again but Megann beat him to it, “We’re sorry. I-” She spoke, struggled to get any words out. It was then I knew for sure.

I shook my head and finished for her, “No you're not. You just want to get rid of the guilt. I can tell it’s eating you alive.” Deep soot was brought through my lungs though I couldn’t bother to notice. My rage was at the end of its fuse…

“You have no room to talk, at least we showed up to his funeral.”

Or so I thought.

“Don’t.”

Artemis took a step forward now facing me, “Don’t what Y/N? You could have saved him. His blood is on your hands!”

“No, it's not.”

“It probably keeps you up at night huh? Why did you get to live? It should have been you. He should be here. Not you.” She spoke with grief laced in every venomous word. Snow began to fall as I realized part of it was true, we all knew it.

I chuckled, the persona disappearing, “Then just kill me here,” I asked, “You’d be doing us all a favor Artie.”

Silence covered us all like a blanket. Closing my eyes I waited for my final blow. It was pathetic, I know. Though the blow never came.Though the smell did. Smoke.

Quickly I found the others near the railing of the building, peering over to the city. Looking for the source of smoke I scanned the skylines. Block by block until I found the origin of the fire.

“Oh God.”

Without a second thought, I grabbed at my collar and with every bit of strength I had left, it shattered in my hands. The feelings rushed back at me all at once. The feeling of a motherly hug, the feeling of a nice drink on a cold autumn day. The feeling of family.

Adrenaline pumping through my veins I plunged over the railing, hearing shouts from above. My feet never even hit the ground. I could only think about that building, those memories, and my family.

As I neared the building the smoke billowed and turned black. Stopping at the front door I had the harsh realization. Before you could even enter the building, the explosions started. Taking the blistering reactions one by one, I couldn’t even realize as I busted through the door screaming for survivors. Running through the ring I found myself backstage. ‘Right, Left, Left,’ my mind ran as I hoped and hopped and-

Arriving at the door I pulled at the handle but no one answered my screams. I disregarded the handle and punched through the metal door desperately. After my hands had grown bloody, the door swung open. Rushing inside to see a horror I couldn't describe. Amongst the flames, I unravel in anguish. ‘They died together, as a family.’

2018:

New York. The city that never sleeps. Good thing too, or else I’d be out of a job.

My boots rustle the gravel on top of the building as I get into position. The skyline flashes through my dark glasses, reflecting back into the city. Taxis and bustling citizens flood through the streets constantly filling what would be silence with inaudible chatter.

Their lives are so simple, so minuscule. It makes me jealous. Nothing matters more to them than their next work project or their kid's dance recital. They don’t get to lose anything, destined to live the rest of the meaningless life inside the bubble of make belief.

I tried to rebuild my bubble, though it broke a long time ago. There's too much to come back from and no one to go home to. Maybe I'm just like the thousands of ants below me. Destined for nothing more than to scramble mindlessly till I die.

Or I can leave a legacy. Trust me,I prefer the latter.

“Breaking new! A new development has been made in the Blackout case…”

Watching over time square, I threw my bag over my shoulder and began to scramble through it. My hand brushed past weapons and lists before pulling out my desired item.

Opening the plastic bag I cheered in front of the big screen, “Oh yes! Popcorn for this cinematic masterpiece!” Stuffing my face and sitting over the ledge comfortably I watched as the broadcast continued.

“For those of you who are joining us, we have been following a potential blackmail case including former up-and-coming hero Blackout. In 2013 Blackout broke out into the superhero scene after diffusing a bomb inside a Wayne Tec building, saving over 2,000 workers inside.” A photo of a much younger version of myself flashed onto the screen.

That stupid toothy smile made me laugh. My face was covered by a black domino mask to match the rest of my suit. My hair was combed back and my eyes were naive. The next clip they showed was a piece of cellphone footage from that day at Wayne etc. I stumbled out into the lobby all beaten and bloody just to see my teammates chase in after me.

“Can you believe I did that? I was 17 when I took in my first bomb!” I started with no one in particular. Pointing and shouting at the screen I continued to enjoy myself as the broadcast continued.

Cat Grant appeared on the screen again, “In 2015 I received a sudden and desperate call from the young hero,” a familiar audio clip began to play on the screen, “This is the superhero Blackout. They're trying to frame me. Help-”

I sounded so desperate, so surprised. I still find it funny how I decided to call Cat Grant of all people. Not like I could have much of anything else surrounded by the whole league.

“Sense that day 3 years ago there has been no public appearance of the hero, only a brief public statement by the league,” The screen then cut to a press meeting at the hall, “Lastly Blackout has announced their retirement. That is all, thank you.”

Kicking my feet I was getting excited for what was going to be next, “The change was brief and sudden. A promising hero retiring only after a 5-year career? Along with the chilling phone call, my team and I decided to dig deeper. The hero that has saved millions of us just to fall off the face of the planet doesn't sit right with what the Justice League stands for.”

The screen flashed once more, “2 days ago we were anonymously gifted 2 hours' worth of footage showing the true story of what happened to our beloved hero before they made that call. Here is that footage.”

Stealing the footage from the watchtower database was brilliant! I was surprised they didn’t scrub the footage. Now they’re really gonna regret it.

The screen shows me stuttering and stumbling, trying to piece together words I didn’t have, “I’m being accused of crimes I haven’t committed. Crimes I’ve never thought of committing-” The screen flashed black as the transmission was seemingly cut off.

“What! No! We were just getting to the good part!” I exasperated, “This isn’t far…first no freedom to a fair trial and now they're coming for the freedom of the press too!”

The screen then flickered back, this time with a different image, “We at the Justice League believe in protecting the citizens of this world at all costs. That's why Blackouts' dishonorable discharge was stated as a retirement. In truth, Blackout was abusing their power for an ulterior motive. They have been deemed a danger to the people and were properly discharged.”

The big bat didn’t seem finished yet, “There is no conspiracy. Blackout was and still is a very dangerous criminal.” Batman finished as the broadcast ended. In a fit of rage, I threw my popcorn over the side of the building.

My back hitting the gravel I stared up into the night sky in disbelief. “Unbelievable,” I said dryly. The smoggy sky covered most of the stars that showed through, they smiled back at me. I wonder what it's like to be a star.

After a few moments, the gravel shifted next to me. I didn’t bother looking, I already knew who it was.

“Why won't you just let me live a normal life.”

He didn’t answer so we fell into a comfortable silence. A part of me was trying to run away and wreak some havoc while I still could. The 17-year-old kid inside stopped me though. I think they would have wanted me to at least try.

The stars almost seemed to shine brighter when I was with him. It took me back to the time where we’d do this almost every night.

Chuckling next to me he spoke in a soft tone, “Do you ever wonder what could have been if-”

“If I wasn’t convicted of potential murder?” I asked lightheartedly, “Yeah, I think about it more than I should.” Shifting to look at him with a bittersweet smile I looked at my best friend, or whatever we were.

Regret followed him around like the plague. His parents, Wally, Me. He was carrying more baggage then he could handle, and part of me pitied him for it.l

“You don’t have to apologize. There's not enough of me left to hold what happened against you.” I spoke softly. For the first time in a long time, I wasn’t speaking to him with spite or hatred.

“Some of the newer members still ask about you,” he said, still not turning to face me, “It's a touchy subject for most of us, so we usually just say your ability became too strong and leave it at that.”

I hummed in response before asking another question, “How is everyone? I heard Garfeilds super famous now. God, I remember when he was just a kid.”

“I remember when we were just kids. Before everything got so difficult," He whispered as more silence fell over us, smothering us.

“Can you be honest?” I asked, eyes pleading, “Was I really starting to lose it?”

He took a deep breath in and bit his lip. He seemed to be fighting with himself for an answer but, eventually met my eyes, “I think I loved you too much to notice.” Taking his hand in mine I let the reality of it all sink in.

Chuckling I turned away and looked up back towards the stars, “God we’re so fucked up.”

And we stayed like that for a long time. Reminiscing in what was and what could have been. The times we smiled at each other across the cave, the times we would watch the same night sky together in each other's embrace.

Under the stars we stood, star crossed lovers. Destined to fall in love and destined to fall apart.

Sitting up I glanced at the city one last time, my voice small, “Dick, I think I’m dying.”

Before I could get another word out I was engulfed in a tight hug, because he’s known that for a long time.

2020:

This was bad…really bad. Like the end of everything and everyone bad. Everyone was here, even that one British dude in a trench coat showed up to try and stop it. I swear every superhero still alive and kickin’ was surrounding this thing.

In the middle of them was what I could only assume was an explosive, though it was hard to see. A massive ship blocked the sun overhead causing not only Metropolis but half the western hemisphere to be blanketed in darkness. It grew colder by the minute as people ran away from the device.

With the tides of people rushing past me, I couldn’t find the energy to walk away. Too much pain, too much power. So I sat on some lonesome park bench, waiting for my impending doom.

The heros scrambled around trying to figure out what to do with it. Distant shouts and commands were heard as they tried everything. This is the end of the world as we know it, and here I am, basking in the shadows.

It's petty, I know, but I can’t find it in me to help. Why?

Why me?

Why does it always have to be me?

Why do I have to save the people who never saved me?

It's not fair.

“Come on Y/N, you know what you have to do.”

Looking to the side I see a familiar head of red hair. Laughing I shamefully spoke, “Now I’m really starting to lose it.” Sighing I rub a hand over my face. First the paranoia and now hallucinations. It's almost like death is taunting me.

“Hey just think, once you’re here we can hang out and watch scary movies and mock romcoms forever! It gets lonely up here after a while,” He said with a small voice. I know part of it was to pull my leg, but I knew there must have been some truth to him being here. To die so young must be tragic.

With a bashful look, I glanced at where his white figure ‘stood’, “You’re not guilty of tripping me into dying, Wally.”

“Well you owe me one after you didn’t show up to my funeral,” He said, crossing his arms playfully. I look at him with a deadpan stare.

“I would have if I wasn’t a convict,” My chuckle simmered down quickly, realizing I might as well confess. Whether it was the real spirit of Wallace West or not, I needed to let go before I couldn’t.

Drifting to the floor my eyes began to gloss over. For the first time in a long time, the part of me still living, was crying. “I’m sorry. You’d still be alive and Artemis would still be happy if I was there. You shouldn’t have died because I couldn’t get my shit together.”

Looking up to him with a teary face, I cracked out an apology, “I’m so sorry Wally.”

Smiling he looked at my broken state, “Me too,” his face then turned remorseful, “You might not believe me but, all of this was for your own sake Y/N.”

With the strength I had left, I peeled myself from the dim park bench and after wiping my tears, I began to walk towards the others, “I’m sure it was Wally,” waving I said my goodbye to the figment, “See you around.”

The sea of heroes split as my sickly form made its way towards the device. No one stopped me and no one wanted to. This was it, this was my destiny.

As I neared the center I sighed. Every bone in my body felt like it had been shattered, every piece of humility was gone with my conscience. In that moment, the last ounce of my humanity hidden deep within the darkness of my soul, shown through.

Suddenly a light hand was placed on my shoulder, “Can you do it?’

Never in my life would I think Batman would be comforting me in my final moments. Letting the reality of it all sink in, I nodded slowly in response. I put both hands on my coffeen and prepared myself one final time.

Has it really all led to this? All the tears and all my regrets, right to this moment. No, not the end of the world, the end of me.

Y/N, Blackout, Obsidian, and finally you, Stockpile. I am more of you than you are of me. The parasite I was born with, took me in a swift 24 years. A painful, regretful, 24 years of I've lived.

You took everything from me. You made me hungry for more. Just energy; not love nor respect. Bless the soul whose heart you’ll break next. Now I welcome death with open arms and walk a trail I've only dreamed of. I train that you are not on.

The ghost of a smile paints the faces of the people who shut you out, as a white flash fills the dark void. No look of regret or fear in anyone's eyes. Trust from the ones who distrusted me the most. Crackles and strikes of light follow next as I begin to consume. Every piece swallowed whole as the beast roared inside of me.

Before I know it, it's over. Stumbling, I begin to fall, yearning to release the warmth. Holding in the screams of thousands of demons, I clutch my chest. Though I fall into a familiar embrace. Taking my squirming as a signal, I feel the large blade drive through my chest. I’m only left to smile. Smile knowing I wouldn’t be in pain much longer.

Crying over me Dick pleads for forgiveness, though I shook my head in disagreement. He was simply putting me out of my misery. Nothing is more poetic than dying at the hands of your first love.

Shushing him one last time I held my eyes open just long enough to see his blue ones, one final time.

“I’m a hero now.”

A/N: Please let me know what your thoughts are on the story. I was kinda on the fence about posting it so I'd love to hear from you.

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