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ellecdc · 2 months

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Hello beautiful! I have a request that is kinda personal! Anyways o was wondering if you could whip something up about reader and (which ever marauder you think best fits) who kinda has big boobs(like f/h) and is kinda self conscious about it (plus her weight cuz she’s chubby) because they sag and not all cute and perky and such? I could just use the comfort of a marauder and your writing 💕 -thank you lovely

I feel like we must be twins or something; I too am a plus-sized H cup girlie 🙋🏻‍♀️ thanks so much for requesting dolly; we're in this together 💖

James Potter x plus size, busty fem!reader

CW: insecurities, body image issues, negative self-talk, mentions of sex but no smut

You could hear the panicky tone of your whine teetering towards hysterical, but you swallowed past the lump in your throat as you discarded another article of clothing. The top joined the growing number of other shirts, dresses, and pants littering the floor of your closet. You were disturbingly close to tears and knew if you turned around to see your sweet, handsome boyfriend who had the audacity to sit casually on your bed without a single care in the world, it’d push you over the edge.

Apparently, he did have at least one care in the world.

“You almost ready, lovie? We have to leave soon if we want to get to Marlene’s on time.” James asked from his place, laying back on your bed as he threw a small stress ball above him and caught it only to fling it upwards again and again.

The worst part was how sweet he was about it; you’d never know from his gentle tone or word choice that he was basically accusing you of making the two of you late.

It would have been better if he’d been rude or snide, perhaps more overtly accusative – at least then you would have felt validated in how harsh your next words came out.

“I’m going as fast as I can, James.”

Though you didn’t turn away from your closet, you could tell he paused the ball throwing as he calculated your sudden mood change.

“Sorry, sweetheart.” He started carefully, moving to a sitting position. “I just know how much you hate being late, is all. I didn’t mean to rush you.”

Your next exhale came out a little shaky, but from your place in your closet, James couldn’t pick up on it.

“I know. I’m trying.” You said, working overtime to keep your voice even. He must have picked up on some of the tension anyways, as he rose from his place and came to stand behind you, hands moving to your shoulders instinctively. Unfortunately, with your current mindset – your shoulders immediately flew to your ears, effectively shaking him off of your body.

“Maybe you should go without me.” You admitted quietly. Suddenly, the idea of putting on anything except one of your oversized t-shirts and a pair of sweats felt like nothing short of torture.

“You don’t want to go?” He murmured just as quietly.

It’s not that you didn’t want to go – although, at this point your answer was leaning heavily towards hell no I don’t.

You loved Marlene; you were excited to celebrate her birthday, you got her a wonderful present you know she’ll be ecstatic over, and you always had fun with the group when you could all manage to get together. And besides, getting the whole group together was happening less and less now that you were all adults, living separately and working various jobs.

So no, it’s not that you didn’t want to go.

What you didn’t want was to look at yourself in even one more piece of clothing that was either too tight, too frumpy, too lowcut, or showed off too much skin.

Who even bought these clothes? Why do you own them?

If you asked your mother, she would simply say you were ‘well-endowed’, which roughly translated to ‘you inherited your grandmothers dreadfully large breasts, darling, I’m sorry.’

Some may wonder what defines ‘dreadfully large breasts’. In your case, it was an H cup.

Well-endowed could be used to describe one of those busty models in lingerie ads, not you.

Yours were large, and long, and marked with stretchmarks and not perky in the slightest. Nothing a good bra couldn’t fix though, right?

Wrong.

Bras that were big enough for breasts like yours were not at all cute. You had to special order them in most cases, and they were always beige or pink and they never did offer you as much lift you as much as you’d like.

If your boobs were the only part of your body causing you grief, you’d probably relent. But skinny girls don’t often have boobs this big, and it wasn’t just your tops that were bothering you.

Every pair of jeans and trousers you pulled over your hips felt too snug, too restrictive. You felt as if one wrong move and you’d pop right out of them like one of those Pillsbury biscuit containers.

James interrupted your mournful musings with a gentle “love?” and brushed the side of your wrist with his finger, clearly hesitant to touch you after you’d shaken him off earlier.

“I can’t find anything to wear.” You admitted.

James looked around at the clothing surrounding you before his bemused face turned back to yours. “What do you mean, love? It seems you’ve found a lot to wear.”

You rolled your eyes and felt the first tear fall. “James...” But he was already in problem solving mode.

“What about this?” He asked as he picked up a tank top you had discarded because the cut was too low, and the straps were too thin.

“I don’t have the right kind of bra for that.”

He looked between your bra covered form and the shirt, clearly not understanding what that meant but not willing to argue about it.

“Okay...” He said as he dropped the offending shirt back onto the floor. “What about this?”

You didn’t even bother looking at the shirt he was holding. “If it’s on the floor, it’s a no.”

“But why is it a no?”

You looked over to see the button up shirt he was holding. “Because it makes me look...” fat, was going to be the negative ending of your sentence, but James’ face turned hard as he cut you off.

“Beautiful?”

You scoffed. “Sure James, I decided against the shirt because it made me look beautiful.”

“Okay.” James said far more sternly than you believe you’ve ever seen him. You turned and grabbed a t-shirt, so you at least weren’t being scolded by your boyfriend half-naked.

“Am I attractive?”

You reared your head back at his question – not at all where you thought this conversation was headed. “Uhm, yes? Yeah...of course.”

“I’ll forgive the hesitation on account of you being upset.” He said severely which caused you to snort a laugh as you wiped tears away from your eyes.

“Is Sirius attractive?”

Your eyebrows furrowed and you could tell by James’ eyes moving towards your nose that you were scrunching it up in confusion.

“This feels like a trick.”

“You can answer the question honestly.”

“Okay...yes, Sirius is attractive.”

“Okay. And Mary? Is she attractive?”

“Yes.”

James nodded curtly. “And would you say that the three of us have good taste?”

“Wha-”

“Just answer the question.”

“Sure, you guys have good taste, but I don’t see-”

“You want to know what the three of us have in common?”

You sighed and nodded, knowing he was going to tell you regardless.

“We have nothing physically in common – yet you find all three of us attractive. Alternatively, all three of us have had a crush on you.”

You scoffed. “Shut up, James.”

“I’m not joking.” He said, and you noticed he was almost just as stern as he was when this conversation began. “Sirius said he’d never do anything about it – bro code and all...also he’s like, happy with Moony now or whatever. But Mary had no such qualms; she told me that if things don’t work out between the two of us that she’s throwing her hat in the ring. I made her promise not to tell you - in case you left me for her - but I figured this was a good moment to share.”

You barked a surprise laugh that seemed to ease some of the tension from James’ frame.

“Now, I don’t like the way you were just talking about my girlfriend.” He said gently, opening his arms as an invitation; an invitation you quickly accepted as you moved into his embrace.

“I’m sorry.” You murmured into his chest.

“You should be.” He murmured into the hair on your head.

“I just hate my body sometimes.” You admitted quietly. He never faltered in his gentle strokes of your back but hummed in acknowledgement.

“Well, I love it all of the time, so.”

“I don’t see how.” You whined as you pulled back. “My boobs are saggy, my tummy juts out, I’m soft everywhere, I’m covered in stretchmarks.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. You’re just listing some of my favourite things, sweets. Your boobs?” He said as he moved his firm grip to your clothed breasts. “Look at that! Can’t even fit them in one hand.” He murmured, eyes glazing as he took in the view of your boob pooling around his large hand. “If I want to give your tits the attention they deserve, I need to use both hands! And your tummy...”

He moved his hands down your abdomen, albeit with more consideration than he’d shown your breasts. “I have to admit, this is my favourite spot to lay my head when we’re watching movies, but what I love the most about your tummy?” He said with a low growl as he spun you around aggressively, pushing the front of his hard body up against the back of yours, grabbing roughly at your hips/stomach as he moved his lips to your ears. “Gives me something to hold onto when I’m pounding into you from behind, or better yet, as you ride the fuck out of me.”

Your face was a furnace and you were sure James could feel the heat radiating from you as he spun you back to face him.

“What else were you worried about? Stretchmarks?” He said as he pulled his shirt off in one swift movement, showcasing his demi-god body style. “I’ve got them too.” He stated simply as he pointed to marks lining his biceps and pecs, a few on his hips, and pulled his trousers down slightly so you could see them trailing towards his ass.

“I know you’ve seen all of these before too – you’re no stranger to my body.” He said with a salacious wink.

“James...” you moaned, not able to handle anymore sexual innuendos.

“Okay, okay. I’m sure you get the idea.” He relented as he replaced his shirt. “My point is, you’ll look lovely in anything you put on, but I’d prefer you wear something you’ll be comfortable in. I can have my girl suffering in her head all night.”

You rested your forehead against his chest, willing away the tension headache that was forcing its way forward after all you just put yourself (and admittedly, James) through.

“What’s wrong with the shirt you’re wearing now?” He asked kindly.

You looked down at the old band-tee, it had a few holes in it and paint stains.

“It has holes in it and paint stains.” You deadpanned.

“Sirius always said to make dishevelled look intentional. Do you have a leather jacket?” He asked, turning toward your closet without waiting for an answer.

Suddenly, James was pulling a leather jacket around your shoulders, and grabbing a pair of heels.

“Now the stains and holes will look intentional. I think you look bad ass.”

You weren’t as optimistic, but you turned to observe yourself in the mirror. Even if you didn’t see much of a difference, the sight of James looking at you like you hung the moon was enough to convince you to go for it. Either way, you’d be comfortable.

You’re not sure if James had mentioned anything, but both Sirius and Mary made sure to compliment you on your ‘punk rock look’ when you arrived to Marlene’s party 30 minutes late.

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merely-a-caricature · 1 month

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Arousal and Attraction: How They Coexist with Asexuality

I haven’t posted anything informational in a while, and I’m working on some bigger posts, so I thought I would make a post about these topics as I’ve been thinking a bit about it recently. I will be discussing arousal in the sexual context, making distinctions between the different types of sexual arousal, talking about attraction, and explaining why arousal is not the same as attraction all with a sprinkle of asexuality. One of the motivations for this post was to explain how one can be asexual but also experience arousal and sexual attraction; I wanted to talk about these topics in an asexual context. Obviously, disclaimer if you’re uncomfortable reading about this type of thing. I don’t say anything very graphic, but if it makes you too uncomfortable, please don’t read. I am also by no means an expert. I just read some stuff and know some things and want to communicate it to y’all. Without further ado, let’s dive in.

Arousal

Now, arousal in psychology refers to more than sexual kind, namely a physiological reaction to any stimulus, but this post will be focusing on sexual arousal and is meant anytime I use the word arousal.

Arousal can be split into two kind of arousal: physiological arousal and subjective arousal. Physiological arousal is self-explanatory; someone becomes warmer, their heart starts to race, and blood flow to their genitalia increases amongst other things in order to prepare for sex. This type of arousal is regulated by the autonomic and somatic nervous system. The autonomic nervous system deals with automatic functions, and the somatic nervous system deals with both voluntary and involuntary functions meaning that physiological arousal is uncontrolled and involuntary.

Subjective arousal on the other hand deals more with the mental and psychological aspect of arousal. This is when one’s mind and emotions are positively engaged in sexual activity.

Sexual attraction

Sexual attraction on the other hand is most simply defined as actively wanting to have sex when a specific person. It differs from libido or sex drive which is the general hunger for sex. Someone may feel sexual attraction for a variety of reasons, but they’re taking sexual interest in a specific person.

Arousal versus attraction

Arousal and sexual attraction are not the same; arousal is a physical or mental response to a stimulus, getting turned on whereas sexual attraction took is not merely feeling sexually excited but wanting to have sex with a specific person because they are drawn towards them. It is entirely possible to get turned on by someone and have a physical response but not experience attraction and vice versa. This is called arousal non-concordance.

I also want to make a quick note—sexual arousal and attraction are not the same as sexual desire which is motivation and want to have sex. Being aroused doesn’t mean wanting sex, and even if you were sexually attracted to someone, that doesn’t necessarily mean you actually desire to have sex with them.

Asexuality, arousal, and attraction

Someone can be asexual and be aroused. The definition of asexual is someone who experiences little to no sexual attraction. Arousal is not the same as sexual attraction.

Using the argument of arousal in the physical sense against asexuality does not work as physiological arousal can be completely disconnected from the mental experience. Our bodies are programmed to behave a certain way to certain things and circumstances even if we feel very differently about the matter. Just because asexual people or anyone for that matter experience certain bodily reactions does not mean they’re enjoying an experience, are experiencing sexual attraction or want sex. This argument demonstrates a lack of understanding of asexuality, attraction, and arousal.

Furthermore, if someone experiences sexual attraction, that doesn’t nullify their asexuality. Being asexual is defined as experiencing little to no sexual attraction. That definition allows wiggle room for those who are demisexual, fraysexual, graysexual, whatever. Experiencing sexual attraction still falls under the umbrella of asexuality.

I hope you were able to learn something from this and it didn’t feel too disconnected! It’s my wish that this helps people to better understand these terms, exactly what they mean, and how asexuality intersects with these topics! I would definitely encourage researching anything talked about here more on your own if it interests you, but I have linked some resources and articles covering what I’ve discussed here in more detail.

Resources:

American Psychological Association definition of sexual arousal

NCBI Understanding Arousal

AVEN Defining Arousal vs attraction

itsbido Sexual arousal vs. attraction: what’s the difference?

Embrace Sexual Wellness, LLC. Arousal Non-Concordance: It’s More Common Than You Would Think

AVEN: The Gray Area, Sex and Related Discussions subforum post regarding arousal non-concordance and asexuality

The truth about unwanted arousal Emily Nagoski TED Talk

AVEN post on the Frequently Asked Questions Thread about what sexual attraction took is and more

Sex Positive Psychology: Sexual Desire and Arousal - Same or Different?

#asexual #asexuality #acespec #asexual spectrum #ace spec #aspec #ace #asexual info #sort of #the content is not just for aces #but i geared it towards aces

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bird-inacage · 2 years

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Love in the Air: Is Prapai an Asshole?

So I have seen some less than complimentary comments on Prapai’s character, namely because of poor Sky (which is understandable and completely valid). I thought I would offer my two cents.

Now, the series has been very clear in defining Prapai as a rich playboy and brat essentially; spoilt, somewhat careless, cocky, smug, has had everything in life handed to him pretty easily. All the common symptoms that come with being wealthy and privileged. A walking red flag you may even say. His little brother is actually a great example of how that upbringing reflects in others within their circle.

And I’ll admit, there were definitely moments in episode 8 where I was like ‘ohh you are being so slimy right now, with your smug, smarmy and quite punchable face’.

But I think that’s the point. Prapai is meant to be the antithesis to Sky. He’s everything Sky is not. But I also don’t believe he’s a genuinely awful person. If we consider Stop as a comparison, Prapai doesn’t go about his life intending to hurt or aggrieve people. I think the key differentiation is intention. He’s just incredibly self-centred.

Prapai’s life revolves around what he wants and does, which means he doesn’t possess any perception outside of that. So if he does rub people up the wrong way, or inconveniences someone, causes damage - he’s likely doing this without having even noticed he has. It’s not even on his radar, which is textbook ignorance and a maddening lack of self-awareness. What would change this is if his actions had consequences. If someone was able to call out his bullshit, and he was actually able to see why and how his actions can be problematic. Even Payu doesn’t stop him from pursuing Sky, knowing full well what his friend can be like. Clearly no one in Prapai’s life has acted as his moral compass, and this is again where Sky is going to play a massive role.

My take is that Prapai is not truly an asshole, he just exhibits a lot of asshole behaviour. Some of which is just straight-up bravado and big talk (and should not be taken with an inch of seriousness). His ‘asshole’ tendencies is what I believe the series will attempt to unravel.

Prapai’s first encounter with Sky

Prapai has grown up in a world where most people are just like him, and that has inevitably enabled a lot of those bad traits.

I don’t think he should be excused for how his behaviour with Sky at the beginning probably caused a lot of internalised damage. We do have to remember that he doesn’t know Sky at all. Doesn’t know Sky’s history, his personality, not even his name. And during that initial encounter, he doesn’t really care. Why would he? He probably thought he’d never see Sky again.

When you’re young, handsome, privileged, wealthy and powerful, life is mostly fun and games. Prapai’s probably never had to take anything that seriously. So his perspective in most situations is probably ‘This is just some fun, you’re on board with that right? Everyone else is’. He doesn’t fathom what the other side looks like. Note that throughout this episode, Prapai is amused by his pursuit of Sky. He sees it like a game that Sky is playing hard to get.

Sex is also a casual transaction in Prapai’s world. We see that he goes on booty calls. It doesn’t have the gravitas to him as it may do for other people. Payu even comments that at the races, people bet anything - as if these things are easily expendable in their world. They are a very out of touch group of people.

And Prapai probably assumes - why wouldn’t Sky enjoy a night with him? He’s a catch, and everyone in his life has either inflated his ego or given him positive reinforcement. So again, it doesn’t even occur to him that Sky is deeply troubled by this. Even if he did have the foresight, Sky quickly jumps in and gives him what he wants.

And he’s always gotten what he wants.

Prapai’s Lack of Maturity

I think people who come from privilege can have quite an immature and sheltered outlook on life, because they haven’t had to do much for themselves, ever. When Prapai starts to clock that he’s thinking about Sky a lot, he doesn’t get why. His thought process is very much like a 15 year old boy. He’s genuinely baffled.

He convinces himself that this is just a simple blip, nothing more. But when he continues having dalliances with other men, it doesn’t seem to do it for him anymore. Instead of doing some self-reflection, he thinks that by pursuing Sky, it’ll ‘cure’ him of whatever temporary spell he seems to be under.

A Few Redeeming Moments

In the scene where he’s invited another guy to spend the night with him, he very politely turns his guest down when he’s clearly not into it. He apologises and says he needs to figure things out, and that he’ll make it up to him. I’m assuming this is also a random fling but Prapai was quite sweet with him. A true asshole would probably be like ‘Yeah, I’ll let you see yourself out’.

I also really liked the interaction between Prapai and his brother. He really did come across as more mature in that scene, where he was the older sibling ushering his little bro to get to their family dinner on time.

Prapai’s Character Development

Now I do trust that over the weeks, Prapai will come to be humbled and will make attempts to redeem himself in Sky’s eyes and ours as the audience. I think Prapai will go through a lot of growth in this story. Sky is his turning point. His relationship and gradual love for Sky will make him a better person.

We already start to see at the end of the episode that Prapai takes 2 hours out of his day especially to go and buy Sky flowers and deliver them personally. His PA is visibly surprised. He’s evidently never made this effort for anyone before.

We’ll eventually see the sweeter, affectionate, caring and sincere sides of him. Sky does fall in love with him after all, so there must be good reason.

For all his faults and flaws, I can’t bring myself to dislike him. I actually find him very endearing in a sort of boy-who-needs-to-grow-up kind of way. And perhaps that’s a testament to Fort’s performance. I think his outlook on life right now is just very simplistic but Sky’s about to change all that.

#LITA #love in the air #love in the air series #prapaisky #prapai x sky #sky x prapai #fort thitipong #i have a lot to say about prapai too it appears #im watching closely prapai - do not let me down #prove yourself and be absolutely extra doing it #LITA analysis #im on a roll folks

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loveoaths · 1 year

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prefacing this question with /gen i’m not trying to start anything i’m just a bit flubbered with some of the new discussion around din and the children of the watch and i trust your interest and analysis on the subject

are the children of the watch not a cult? ignoring bo-katan’s history and hypocrisy and general “bo-katan-ness,” the children of the watch do seem like a cult.

now, i don’t have a positive relationship with the religion i was raised in so i’m a bit biased toward the narrative of din no necessarily adapting bo-katan’s version of being mandalorian, and i think din will have to choose between a bunch of mando’s saying “my way is best” before going “fuck it im making my own Way”

looking at fandom, there’s a lot of (justified) anger toward how mandalorian culture (particularly in comparison to the jedi) is celebrated, and for some reason this sentiment isn’t carried over to the Children of the Watch

again, all /gen and /lh i’m not trying to start anything

great question! well, technically, there are a couple of questions in your ask, but let's start with the main one:

are the children of the watch not a cult? ignoring bo-katan’s history and hypocrisy and general “bo-katan-ness,” the children of the watch do seem like a cult.

short answer: no, they are not.

long answer: the children of the watch are not a cult, because they do not meet the requirements of a cult. the children of the watch are more akin to a fringe religious group or sect.

but lio, what is the difference between a religious group and a cult?

i’m glad you asked! for simplicity’s sake, this section borrows heavily from this dictionary site.

a common definition of religion is “a set of beliefs about God or the supernatural.”

general characteristics of religions include:

the group worships a higher source of power rather than a single person;

there is a shared, sincere belief system;

the main belief or beliefs are consistent with basic mainstream standards for human dignity;

appropriate forms of conduct between people are defined;

an understanding of evil is established, especially how it impacts humans;

there are sacred ritual acts.

meanwhile, a cult is “a group of people with extreme dedication to a certain leader or set of beliefs that are often viewed as odd by others.”

general characteristics of cults include:

followers encouraged or forced to worship a specific group leader who gatekeeps or solicits knowledge to maintain social and emotional control over the congregration;

potential members are hounded into joining and rushed through the process while they are distracted from red flags and concerns by a barrage of community love-bombing, outreach, and promises of support;

questioning beliefs, recruitment tactics, or anything else are discouraged or are met with punishment, social ostracization, or other negative responses;

a belief system stolen from pre-existing religions and social movements and cobbled together to suit the leader’s personal narrative;

can be religious, but are not inherently; cults can also be secular social movements, like the nexium cult

followers’ daily lives are dictated and controlled by the decree of the leader, including, in some cases, mandating when cult members can use the restroom, when they can have sex and with who, which body parts they’re allowed to keep, whether or not they’re allowed to raise their own children, where their money and assets go, what words they may use, and other things that should be decided by human sovereignty and independent choice rather than an external force;

followers are personally monitored to ensure they’re adhering to cult guidelines, and spied upon so the cult leader can collect blackmail material, sensitive personal information, fears and desires, and more to manipulate and control them if they try to leave, start questioning the leader, or display too much independence;

the cult deploys methods of control (financial leans, debt, forced isolation, threat of punishment, kidnapping, corporal/emotional/physical/sexual violence, coercion, etcertera) to keep members close by and obedient.

pretty nasty stuff, right? right.

but lioooooo, that wasn’t the question! is the children of the watch a cult or not?!

patience, padawan! the rest is below the cut!

cults function by relying on several key tenets, such as: preying on the vulnerable; isolating members from society through financial/philosophical/religious teachings and physical removal; re-ordering members' worldviews to centralize the cult; and worshipping or venerating a single individual or duo.

let’s look at a breakdown central cult tenets, then see whether or not the children of the watch displays these tenets in the mandalorian:

1. total authoritarian control-- cults, like any abusive toxic relationship, fundamentally rely on a membership base that is, at its core, utterly dependent on the cult. the membership must believe like they are incapable of living a distinct life outside of the cult, they must believe that it is the cult that gives them meaning and not the other way around, that the cult is beginning and the end of their selfhood. this control is often achieved by deliberately breaking down the memberships' psyches, physical punishment and harm, slowly pushing their boundaries to accept worse and worse behavior, guilting them into giving up all financial assets "for the good of the cult," and worse, all at the behest of their leader. the control must be so complete that the members begin policing themselves not just to keep themselves out of trouble, but because they truly believe this is how the world should work. authoritarian control is achieved by breaking down the individual and rebuilding them with flaws in the foundation, so they are destined to fail, and fail, and fail, so they will crawl back to the cult each time. this is because cults rely on extreme dependency to work, which is why cults are famous for preying on the sick, the elderly, the weak, the grieving, and the socially vulnerable.

verdict: the children of the watch do not canonically exhibit signs of total authoritarian control, at least not in the mandalorian.

for one, there are multiple coverts spread across the galaxy, presumably with multiple armorers guiding said coverts' members. real cults rarely break up the leadership like that; there can only be one godhead at any given time. the armorer never mentions running those coverts. there is a canonical line about "other coverts hearing din was in need" on navarro and coming to save him in season one, but with no implication that the armorer ordered them to respond, or was even in close communication with them.

beyond that, the armorer is designated the covert’s spiritual leader who holds the knowledge of mandalore and the way, but she does not control the movements of covert members. in fact, the visuals of the covert imply that it isn’t, exactly, a home for the children of the watch, but a hub; somewhere members return to after completing missions they choose, for the reasons they choose, and a place to return beskar to its rightful owners.

we know that din believes in returning beskar to the covert, but since the armorer never orders him to go find more, and since we never see or hear other COTW discussing it, we cannot assume that they are mandated to search out beskar by the armorer. this freedom of movement, sans restraint or mission, and conspicuously absent of din seeking the armorer’s permission to leave, would be very uncommon among most established cults, because most cults only thrive when its members are highly segregated from the rest of society and congregated in a joint environment where cult beliefs can be vigorously reinforced until members forget the outside world is any different.

2. worship or veneration of a single individual – cults have a godhead, a solitary figure through whom the divine knowledge/prophecy/religious beliefs/bullshit is channelled through, who all cult members must admire, obey, and serve without question or face punishment. this person is sometimes drinking their own flavor-aid and believes they really are a prophet or whatever, but more often than not they are charlatans who knowingly prey on the vulnerable for personal gain: sex, power, money, cheap thrills, fame, and so on.

verdict: din’s covert is not a cult, because its spiritual leader, the armorer, is not worshiped. she is a spiritual leader, and admired, but that is as far as her authority goes. she interprets the text of the creed, but she does not gatekeep it; all the covert members have knowledge of mandalore, and seem free to access however much of it as they want to, because all of them have access to the outside world. her status is more like that of a spiritual guide or teacher: she can tell people when they’ve strayed from the path of the creed and declare whether or not they are considered a mandalorian, but she cannot compel them to obey her. this is crucial, especially in the context of season two, where she reneges din’s mandalorian status. she tells him that according to the creed they both ascribe to, he is no longer a mandalorian; the only way to become a mandalorian again would be by bathing in the living waters beneath the mines of mandalore. she does not command him to do this, or shame him, or berate him, or excommunicate him; he is not bodily thrown out of the covert and commanded to get his shiny ass to mandalore on pain of death. he is simply told of his new status, and told what to do if he wants to fix it, but that’s it. this is precisely the role of a spiritual leader: to guide their congregation back to the path of the faithful when they stumble.

3. social isolation – when new members join, cults go out of their way to deliberately isolate new folks from friends, family, and society as a whole. cults will assign duties and activities to keep new members busy and under the cult’s thumb, will tell them that their friends and family “just won’t understand”, will encourage them to sell their homes and move into a cult building or into neighborhoods filled with other members, convince them to quit their jobs and work in cult admin or otherwise devote every waking moment to the cult, and remind them again and again how only people within the cult will ever understand and support them, unlike their ignorant friends and family. cults actively discourage deep fraternization with outsiders.

verdict: din’s covert is not a cult, the children of the watch do not police who members talk to. we know this because din has friends, specifically cara dune. their dialogue implies that they’ve known each other for more than just a few months, presumably much longer, because they know pieces of each other’s histories, are close enough to scuffle for shits and giggles, and have a report together. If COTW were a cult, din and cara would have none of this. and, more notably, when din brings cara, greef, the child, and IT into the covert in season two? that would have been a big no-no if this was a cult.

4. extremist beliefs – cults are usually guided by extremist beliefs, which (in the most boiled down terms possible) are essentially beliefs that render the believer to reject and become intolerant to alternative beliefs, oftentimes to violent ends. this is another controlling tactic used to isolate members, and teach members to obey without question. think of, like… an intense conspiracy theorist. the intensity and wildness of those theories often push your “average” person away from them, causing these people to dig down even deeper in what they believe out of anger and loss, and then turning to one another and creating an echo chamber to reinforce their choice to believe these things. think about how once someone buys into one wild conspiracy theory, they’re often more likely to by into even wilder ones, until they’re suddenly screaming that the universe is actually a space worm’s dream hallucination and to prove it they’re going to blow something up. it often works like that. (however, this is not uncommon, because most people congregate around others who share their beliefs, outlooks on life, morals, values, and so on. It’s why religious communities form. it’s the human desire for interconnection and a shared knowledge base.) again, this is the most crude bare-bones description i can manage with a migraine, so i’m aware i’m missing a lot, here.

verdict: din’s covert is not a cult, because its members do not adhere to or exhibit extremist beliefs. they don’t seem to be building toward anything, and they aren’t intolerant of all or even most belief systems outside of theirs. they are not concerned with changing the ways of other mandalorians, even if they disagree with them. their belief in the creed does not translate into violence against other mandalorians who are “being mandalorian wrong.”

if anything, i’d hazard that the children of the watch are more like… mandalorian fundamentalists, i guess? (but even that doesn’t totally fit imo).

we don’t know how the armorer and other covert members feel about other mandalorians removing their helmets, but we do know how din feels – in season two, he believes that all mandalorians who remove their helmets “are not real mandalorians.”

din believes there is a right and a wrong way to be a mandalorian, however the fact that he did not know there were mandalorians who removed their helmets at all implies that he straight up was not taught about other traditions. he was only taught the creed, so it’s straight up possible that he came to that conclusion all on his own, because every mandalorian he’s ever met has been in the convert and they’ve never removed their helmets in front of him.

but even if the armorer had explicitly told him this was the only way to be a mandalorian, it would not qualify as an extremist belief for the reasons above. this is a theosophical and cultural difference between two mandalorian sects, just as there is a long history of disagreements and arguments within real-world religious groups.

final verdict: the children of the watch, and din’s covert, are not cults, because they do not meet the cult criteria. rather, they are more akin to fundamentalist-lite religious group.

knowing your own bias is important, as is being respectfully open to other peoples’ viewpoints, so know that your internal reflection is seen and appreciated.

as for din’s spiritual journey, i am 95% sure that is exactly what will happen. he will see the damage in-fighting has done to the mandalorians, and decide that neither of these ways works for him, because he is a new kind of mandalorian in a new era; he, and his people, need a new way of relating to one another and the GFFA in the wake of the empire’s destruction. he will find a third path to follow and invite others to join him, with a new idea of what it means to be a mandalorian carrying him to the end of his character journey.

which is, like… definitely a character journey, i guess; just not an interesting one or one that i care for. it’s a very third-act feeling, same-y “twist”, which is about all i expect. if this doesn't happen i’ll either be happily surprised or consumed by irritation. we’ll see.

now, i have a question for you (the asker, and other people who are in the same boat vis a vis frustration over fandom views on mandalorians versus jedi) – personally, i’m not sure how, or why, the jedi factor into this, or why anyone cares about the two groups getting erroneously pitted against each other at all?

the jedi are regularly vilified by numbskulls who haven’t rewatched the OT or the PT since they were like, nine, and have less collective critical analysis skills than i have in my left nut, so i don’t really give a shit what those people have to say, and i encourage you and everyone else who is bothered by them to take the same stance. It’s like arguing about the ethics of war with an uncritical call of duty lover: they are not here to engage with themes, they’re here to watch big things go boom boom. it’s a losing battle and all the casualties are on your side.

other people i see falling on the “jedi critical” side of things tend to be newer, younger fans who also are not keen on analysis, or are fans who saw the mandalorian first and are now working backwards into star wars without watching the movies. they are going to have an understandably uncharitable view of the jedi versus the mandalorians because of that framing: they are introduced to din djarin as a hero with a (gray) code of ethics, who has all the benefits of sound design and lighting and plot-armor to come across as the good guy. he is depicted as a “traditional mandalorian”, what this new audience will read as a true mandalorian, whereas the likes of bo katan and the viszlas and boba fett (if you want to go there) will always be read by them as outliers/bad mandalorians because they met din first.

pre-existing fans had the opposite framing experience: you met a bunch of gun-toting HOO-RAH assholes who were talented at two things: killing jedi, and killing each other. naturally, you’re going to be less charitable to mandalorians and whatever hype they get than the aforementioned fans.

so, imo, the new mandalorian fans are shown a noble culture of ass-kicking space knights in a space-knight militia who rescue kids and beat the shit out of bad guys.* they hear that mandalorians don’t like jedi/annoying youtube fanboy critiques of the jedi as “being as rotten as the republic” and they side with them and talk shit about jedi. the irony is that “a noble culture of ass-kicking space knights in a space-knight militia who rescue kids and beat the shit out of bad guys” IS THE JEDI, but because of how they were introduced to it, and potentially because of some of the salt getting sprinkled around by both sides, totally miss that they can love the jedi and the mandalorians for different reasons.

also, let’s be real: western propaganda is a bitch. a lot of media conditions people to believe that the gun toting violent man who shows up and shoots evil guys is the true hero of the people, and that anything to do with politics, religion, mediating violence, and advocating for peace is not just useless and a waste of time, but somehow, bizarrely, both elitist and the source of the world’s problems in the first place.

the people who bought into that are the same ones who think the mandalorians are right and the jedi are wrong, and it’s largely in part because the mandalorians shoot people in the face to solve their problems and people wildly mistake that for a perverted kind of direct action, whereas the jedi are cool space monks who get unwillingly drafted into a war who are trying to straight up stop the war from happening, while not knowing that the war, their involvement, their troops, their government, and everything else was literally created to work against them and rope them in so tightly they couldn’t see it was a trap until the noose was around their neck and their legs were kicked out from under them.

that’s not a slight against the jedi; it’s fucking tragic, and is meant to convey that they were always going to lose but that still fighting to save the people they could was the right thing to do, even if it meant they had to go down swinging.

unfortunately, once again, using anakin as the pov characters for the only movies about that era was a mistake, because people walked away believing that he’s faultless and the jedi are dumb for not seeing a political trap forty plus years in the making that was created specifically with them in mind, while these same people can’t even see that copaganda is real and shitty and insidious. but i won’t get into that because it makes me crazy.

i’m saying all this to say, you aren’t going to win with these people, because they are ideologically invested in wrongness and the “might makes right” mindset because they either think it’s cool, or it makes them feel safe, or some other reason i can no longer be bothered to guess at.

it sucks that you and parts of the fandom feel like it is unfair that mandalorians are celebrated for the same actions that jedi are vilified for, because that is unfair, but i do not think the answer to that is to… hate the children of the watch or say the covert is a cult (i am actually not sure what the connection between this part of your ask is compared to the top, so i’m just guessing here) solely based on fanon interpretation, fandom anti-religious sentiment and bias, and two lines from bo katan kryze, of all characters, lol. doing that seems like the exact thing you are frustrated with other fandom people about: hating characters you love and want to defend based solely on how they feel and how they want to cherry-pick and twist canon to suit an anti-jedi narrative.

especially when the children of the watch actually seem quite removed from the mandalorians fandom upholds/is angry about: the children of the watch hold no ill-will toward the jedi, they are not concerning themselves with bo katan’s goal of reclaiming mandalore, they are not looking for revenge, they are not engaging in any of the behaviors and schemes that the main mandalorians are. the children of the watch are focused on survival, and following the way, and reclaiming the beskar they view as their birthright. they have the energy of a cluster of doomsday preppers who learned to prepare for the worst and keep their head down to avoid getting slaughtered again. they do not seem, narratively speaking, like the mandalorians to get angry at, because they are fundamentally disengaged from those people.

it seems to me that the only way to contend with this is to block idiots quickly and without mercy, ignore people who are just flat out wrong, and know that you don’t have to pit two bad bitches against each other to prove a point, or drag one girlie through the mud to make the other one shine.

again, all /gen and /lh i’m not trying to start anything

no worries. i enjoyed the question! thanks for sending it my way.

and, for the record: i’m a pro-jedi, 100% jedi-lover, and i am a fan of the children of the watch. (in general, my interest in mandalorian history – aside from my fascination with mandalorian jedi – bounces between “oooh shiny” and “whatever this is dumb and you’re all losers” so i don’t really talk about them.) we exist! happily! join us!

*this is an oversimplification for comparative purposes. randoms reading this, do not come for me in my fucking inbox with some “well actually” shit or i will stomp your crotch to dick-dust.

#star wars meta #pro jedi #din djarin #pro children of the watch #the mandalorian #tw cults #i have many feelings about COTW and din wearing his helmet being a religiously significant act #be annoyed by the mainstream mandalorians if you want but in this house we love COTW and the jedi #i have two fucking hands #walkie talkie.#long post

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tamelee · 4 months

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Hello, I wondered what you think of the proshipping/anti shipping debate, and maybe where you position yourself?

From what I’ve seen, pro-shipping is usually people saying that you can ship everything you want since you have to "separate reality and fiction"… and most of the time it sounds like an excuse to create/consume incest fanfictions or child porn without guilt

On the other hand, in the anti-shipping side you have people who are treating some media as "irredeemable" for literally nothing… Like, "oh, this story is saying directly into your face that what thing one character has done is bad? So that means the story is not spreading awareness of this harmful behavior"

I think there are wrongs on both sides, but in general I disagree more with the proshipping community, because most proshippers I’ve interacted with are just people who don’t want to accept that there can be consequences to their actions, what they create, and what they consume. I’ve seen a lot of them saying that fiction has no impact on reality, which isn’t true at all. Most of the times proshippers handle sensitive and "problematic" subjects carelessly, sometimes even while spreading misplaced ideas, but don’t want people calling them out on the matter… (by calling out I don’t mean harassment of course, harassment isn’t and never will be a good solution to those problems)

The subject can be pretty complex, I’m curious to hear your thoughts about it! If you want of course, I would understand you not wanting to talk about it… And I’m sorry if expressed myself badly, since I don’t speak english very well

Take care, you’re doing amazing art pieces💙

Hi ^^ it is expressed very well, dw! And thankyou so much 🧡!!

↓🍵;

Well, you specifically talk about shipping, which I think is completely fine. But the debate itself claims so often to be more than just that, using ‘shipping’ for something much too broad to define through these two terms which meaning is questionable.

The debate is only interesting to me because of the whole fiction=/=reality aspect (at least I personally think that is an enjoyable debate, especially reading the arguments.) The most famous and skilled literary theorists and scholars can’t agree on this matter even today because there are too many variables and barriers like culture for example. A lot of opposites are both deemed true and false at the same time and it often lands on a slightly disappointing “it depends”. You say it yourself also. As well as you “leaning more toward one side” because it’s impossible to put a term on it unless someone would write down a bunch of guidelines to which they then commit to. But then you’re more defined by that than by your own thinking or even preferences.

It isn’t so black and white that you can just.. idk, simply throw it all into two terms to define a preference that includes your entire life-experience and gain a Universal agreement by what it even means in the first place with everyone else on the internet, as if that’s how it works with this topic y’know? As if suddenly a shipping-filter will shame our literary masters out of any logic “because a fan/shipper wants ‘x’ to molest ‘y’ through non-con sex in fanwork’ and to say whether that’s okay or not in general depends on which of the two terms you used to define yourself in your bio and literally nothing else. And I don’t see how that logic connects when it is used like that and so often in this case.

I know, this is an exaggeration, but I hope you know what I mean regarding the debate. This isn’t about your ask directly. The “it depends” is kinda frustrating for me too, because I’m always searching for an answer that makes sense for anything >< But what doesn’t here is as I said before, that people don’t even agree with each other either about the meaning of ‘pro/anti’-shipping’. Even the general definition is (or used to?) different and has literally nothing to do with reality/fiction just.. shipping. Whenever another popular post shows up people share that as ‘the next truth’ or even I receive it for clarification for an older post, but then another says something along the lines of “maybe that’s true for them, but to me it means....”

So, where would I position myself? Well, “it depends” on who asks and what it means to them. Nah, I don’t think a single term about shipping can define how I think about the relationship between fiction and reality, what is right/wrong/acceptable/etc which you’re right- is very complex. At least, I refuse to do that if I can help it. I’ve seen enough misunderstandings and the harassment that you’re talking about to think that this isn’t going about it the most efficient way despite some parts being interesting and definitely topics worth talking about whether it is about shipping or something much broader.

“On the other hand, in the anti-shipping side you have people who are treating some media as "irredeemable" for literally nothing… Like, "oh, this story is saying directly into your face that what thing one character has done is bad? So that means the story is not spreading awareness of this harmful behavior"

And you’re completely right about people using ‘whatever/however/whomever’ as an excuse to justify anything, but that itself is kind of common human behavior and I genuinely don’t know what to say about it. Though you bring up something that (and similar extreme views) is why I would definitely lean more towards a separation of fiction and reality. Not to justify anything, but if anything else... I’ve always rooted for the freedom of expression/creativity whether I agree with it or not because censorship has always been tricky and sometimes outright dangerous. Who's going to decide what exactly? The fact that no one will agree with each other remains regardless. (And yes, I think there are definitely things I don’t want to see either of course, but discussing all that is a whole different topic.)

However,

“I’ve seen a lot of them saying that fiction has no impact on reality, which isn’t true at all.”

You’re right again, but to quickly note; fiction=/=reality or fiction having impact on reality isn’t the same thing. Storytelling has always shaped beliefs and perspectives all over the world. In fiction especially, morals and ethics are often explored. Almost always a story is a problem in some form or another that needs to be solved because that’s satisfying, but how are you going to do that? And how will you write it in a way that people root for your character? And how else can you do that than involving the encouragement of a readers’ own reflection of their values and beliefs while simultaneously sharing and possibly influence them with your own?

No one can deny this though? And if they do I wonder about the argument tbh.

If a story can inspire it can also do the opposite. It’s not one or the other.

Storytelling is such a powerful tool and imo it should be used wisely which means something else in every case because... aaahhh “it depends” ><

#asktamelee #fandom talk #cw sensitive topics #cw sensitive topic

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arcielee · 1 year

Text

Interview With a Writer

Here is part 4 of my Interview With a Writer series. You can go to this post to review the other amazing authors I have spoken with ♥ Just a BTS of some of the talented minds on Tumblr and ao3.

Name: f4ll-for-you

Story: The Intern

Paring: modern Aegon Targaryen x Reader

Rating/Warning: Sexual themes and substance abuse.

So, when did you start writing? If I’m honest, I’ve always loved writing, even when I was young I’d always write ‘fanfiction’ for stories I’d read myself, but I began writing for ‘readers’ when I was about fourteen. That was back in the boy band era, 5 seconds of summer days and none of it was good, and it’s all very much deleted now, luckily!

Everything I’d written since had been for myself, until house of the dragon came out. I mainly began writing because no one seemed to be creating any Aegon fics, and I desperately wanted one.

I began writing on Wattpad, which is where my main (very badly written un-edited, first proper fic lives) and when I got back into tumblr, 6 years later, I found a wonderful community on there and began my modern Aegon fics.

Where did the plot for The Intern come from? Awkwardly, I’m not sure. I knew I wanted to write a modern Aegon fic. I’d seen a few ideas floating around where the family had a large successful company, that Aegon is meant to ‘inherit/work for’ so I guess I gained inspiration from that.

I wanted the reader to be someone in her own right, not just ‘Aegon's love interest’ so I tried to build up her character just as much as his. I also wanted to show how damaged Aegon was, and hint that there were reasons why she understood him. Maybe I’ll explain her backstory at some point, because I have it in my head.

Explain your interpretation of Aegon. What drives him? Why is he the way he is in The Intern? He’s damaged, that’s the main theme. He’s done something (we don’t know what, but I do hehe) that means his grandfather has forced him to work for the company and, obviously, he hates it.

He uses his position to get girls, and continue to live his life as it was, if he can’t party at home, he will party there. It’s not until the reader comes along that he finally sees a girl for more than just sex. He likes the way she takes little interest in him, how she needs glasses to read, how she never stays at ‘after work drinks’ for more than an hour.

I think he appreciates how she’s never looked at him as less than a person, which is what he’s used to from his family and the girls only want him for a reciprocated ‘quickie’. Whereas she actually sees him as her boss, not that he’s ever acted like one.

My version of Aegon (this is gonna sound pretentious as fuck) has been defined by his faults for so long that he’s become them. The Aegon we meet at the beginning is a shell of the person he becomes once he befriends her.

Was there anything in specific that inspired your Reader portrayal? As I said earlier, I was determined to make her a main character, not a side character that Aegon desires (not that there’s anything wrong with that, I love those fics just as much).

I’ve massively fallen for the ‘enemies to lovers’ style, which the intern very lightly touches on, shown in their boy/girl teasing and joking friendship they have at the beginning. I liked the idea of her being a girlboss, hard working, clever but mainly incredibly kind. I wanted to show her as a little bit damaged, through her understanding of Aegon and how gentle she is with him. She rarely pushes him into getting help when he clearly isn’t ready to. She loses her temper, yes, but I think there’s only one time where she fully asks him to get help throughout the story, even though she clearly wants him to.

Do you feel your Reader compliments Aegon well? I’d hope so, I wanted to to make them fit together, but also have their own ‘things’ they needed to do before they could fully be each others. I guess you could see it a bit like Chuck and Blair in Gossip Girl, but they weren’t an intentional inspiration, now I think of it.

They both had a lot on their plates, the reader stuck working her ass off and Aegon stuck between various girls legs…that sort of thing.

In my head, I think they compliment each other by being what the other needs. Aegon needs someone grounded, kind and gentle, but she’s also not a pushover. She’s not going to let him walk all over her. Whereas the reader needs Aegon to realise her life isn’t based around her career, that she can enjoy herself and fall in love and be a little bit reckless.

Is there any reflection of you, the author, in this story? Pretty much always the female character is a part of me, it’s kind of a way of you living the life you want to live, so why wouldn’t it be I guess? Also, I find comfort in writing about addiction/other themes because it’s kind of a way of dealing with my own experiences.

Do you think you will do a sequel or expand on this AU? I have one chapter left, the epilogue, where I will hopefully make everyone forgive me for the sad ending to part four! I’m now expanding on the Backstage one-shot, and rockstar Aegon.

#interview with a writer #iwaw #iwaw4 #bts #of their brilliant writing #i hope you all enjoy #♥#aegon targaryen fanfic #aegon targaryen x reader

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high-supernatural · 2 years

Note

Can you do a NSFW alphabet with Sam Winchester?

your wish is my command--

NSFW Alphabet - Sam Winchester Edition

a/n: *don’t read if sensitive to s3xual content* *i tried to keep this as gender-neutral as possible but there’s a chance some parts might not be that way*

...on with the show...

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Really friggin SWEET AND SOFT. Sam likes 'the doing' all hardcore-like, but once it's over he's a big ol' baby. The type to clean you up after, get a washcloth but actually make it warm so you're...warm... make you a snack, dress you back up, cuddle while watching a movie, wash your hair in the shower... He wants to take care of you after. Sometimes he's a little excessive with the baby-ing, but sweet all the same.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Sam clearly loves his own arm muscles, duh. How could he not? On his partner though, neck, he's a neck guy. All the ladies he's been with in the past had some NICE necks - defined, strong, etc etc. He likes when you wear your hair up so he can get to your neck easy. He's a collar bone type of guy too, he likes a good collar bone. I feel like he'd be into hands too? The aesthetic of hands, how they look, bend, feel...

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Sam’s not a messy person. He’s a keep the mess where it started kind of guy... a twinky kind of guy... if you know what I mean ;);)

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

One thing for sure, he sleeps nude, probably even when Dean's with him in a hotel... that's why he wakes up before Dean does... Second thing, he likes spa days more than he would ever admit to anyone other than his partner. He'd 100% make his person swear to never tell anyone else that they sit in robes doing pedicures, hair and face masks, and lets his person put cucumbers over his eyes while they give him a massage. Third thing is that he has always been down to try any and every kink he has been introduced to. FOURTH THING... he'll never admit this to anyone... he watches porn too.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Pre-Ruby era, not very, he'd just pretend he knew what he was doing until something worked. Post-ruby era, very. He knows his way around & what to do. Even if he didn't, he's definitely the type to be mature about it & communicate with his person and literally just ask what they like, so, in that way, he's very experienced & mature about it.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Sam's a doggy style guy, but also likes cowgirl a lot.... reverse cowgirl too? Probably. Any position where he has access to your hair & can squeeze your waist.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Not goofy, just a little awkward until things get going. It takes him a bit to actually get into the moment & let his guard down enough to actually -let go-. But once he's in the moment it's like he awakens an entirely different persona in himself.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Sam's got a bit of hair. He has chest hair, he definitely has some armpit hair, so he absolutely has at least some hair down there too. He's a really hygienic dude though, he keeps it all trimmed & groomed & it's never long enough where it could get all knotted.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

He can be ULTRA romantic when he wants to be & when there's actually time to be. He likes to take the time to do the whole set up; candles, roses, chocolate, bubble bath... but who has time for all that when you're trying to save the world for the 4th time? When there comes months the supernatural world gets quiet, he'll do romantic things like that at every chance he gets. Even when the world is busy though, he'll still be super intimate. He prefers to take his time (mostly?), go slow & he'll always (most times) make sure his person is into it too; he's reeeealllly considerate of his person's enjoyment.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

He definitely watches porn, so he definitely masturbates too. Months can go by without seeing his person at times, he's gotta do something to pass the time, because we all know he's a loyal guy too... he won't go out looking for someone else just because he needs to get off, he'll do it himself. Most often in the shower, he hates the mess.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

ROUGH S3X. Being pampered & being the pamper-er. Showering with/bathing his partner... Definitely breath play. Hair pulling. He's not super into smacking/spanking, he's more into squeezing & digging his nails into your skin, mostly your waist & thighs.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Anywhere in a private room. On the bed, on the desk, against the wall, in the shower... in the middle of the room... he just wants it to be a private area, no interruptions.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

R A G E. Nothing makes him want to do the do more than being really friggin heated -- When you wear your hair up & a low-cut shirt -- Hearing you talk all smart & nerdy -- Watching you read gets him hot -- When you know something he doesn't know, he likes people who are smarter than him.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Drunk s3x, unless agreed upon beforehand that you'll both get shitfaced & bang. It's fun to him, but wouldn't be a preference of his. He doesn't like ditzy people, people who are unaware of the world, people who deliberately act dumb when they know they're actually smart... There isn't much he wouldn't do, depending on who it's with. With his partner, someone he loves, he'll do nearly anything & all it would take is for them to just ask. With a stranger though, I don't think he'd really care to do things they asked him to do if he didn't find it intriguing.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Definitely a giver. I don’t see Sam ever ASKING you to go down, but when you do he makes daaaaaaammmmnnn sure he lets you know he likes it.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

He can be both. Soulless Sam is rouuuuugh, but soul-filled Sam is (mostly) sensual, not always slow, buuuut that Soulless side of him stays around.. he can be both, depending on what you want & what the mood is. Depending on the vibe, he full on matches the whole vibe... if it’s rough, he’s ROUGH, if it’s sensual, he’s S E N S U A L.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

He doesn’t prefer it to be quick, but he lives a busy life. A lot of times, if he knew it had to be quick, he’d just hold off until he could take his time. But as years pass he’s down for a quickie anytime, anywhere, but still doesn’t prefer them.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

He’s so down to experiment with aaaanything you want to try, but he doesn’t take many risks if he doesn’t know you’ll like it first or if he hasn’t mentioned it to you already. He hates making you uncomfortable, so he doesn’t take many risks.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

His stamina and agility is out of this friggin world. He’ll keep going until you have to ask him for a break.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Re: ‘unfair’

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He could tease for days because he has some fiiine restraint. He mostly teases with words & passively-sexual touches.. but when he’s playing games he’ll tease you by incessantly edging you for days & refuses to let you touch him until he says to. He’d tease with all kinds of toys as part of the not letting you touch him until you’re begging him to replace the toys with himself.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Sam’s not loud at all, he prefers to hear only you. Instead of grunt-moaning like most men, Sam dirty-talk-moans in your ear, quiet enough only you can hear it & he can drown out his own voice to hear only you.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Sexual tensions definitely BUILD. For a long time. He’s not a straight-forward guy. You could be throwing him all the signs in the world and he’d suddenly forget how to read. But, you’re the same, since Sam’s such a passive guy when it comes to -actual- intimacy, not just sex, actual intimacy, with someone he actually likes. Signs are MISSED. Plus, all the time you both spend apart doing different jobs, or even when you’re together, someone’s always busy and someone or something always needs saving. But when there’s time, time is speeeeent. Hours, days... weeks? Sometimes? When nothing is happening, sex is all that’s happening.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

MUSCULAR. DEFINITION. All around. All over. You’ve seen.. you know.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

HIIIIGH. Not as high as his brothers, as far as he lets others know... Sam’s a modest guy, he doesn’t let people know he’s hornier than Dean is... but he definitely is...

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Usually quickies happen after a busy night, both of you just want some sleep, so you both fall asleep pretty quick after. Other times though, he’ll be up all night with you doing whatever you want to do.

#Sam Winchester #sam winchester imagine #sam winchester smut #sam winchester fanfiction #supernatural #sam winchester fic #sam winchester headcanon #sam winchester hc

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rickktish · 2 years

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Batfam Alphabet Mafia headcanons

Bruce

Bruce is pansexual/panromantic, uses he/they pronouns but is too shy to actually tell anyone for the longest time.

Batman is bisexual/demiromantic, uses he/it pronouns.

Will not elaborate under any circumstances.

“IT’S THE BAT!” Is such a gender euphoric thing to hear while swooping down on your enemies guys you have no idea

Dick

He/him lesbian?

Panromantic polysexual?

Gender???

No answers. None.

In practice? he/him pronouns. He refuses to inconvenience those around him even slightly by asking them to try using anything else.

“What do you mean i wouldn’t be inconveniencing anyone? No, I don’t feel inconvenienced switching pronouns for others. No, you don’t get it, I don’t want to make anyone uncomfy.”

In truth? Gender neutral pronouns make them feel uwu. They also have she/her days— rarely, but it happens.

If dangled over a shark pit without access to batshark repellant and forced to choose, would probably identify as a genderfluid pan with polyamorous leanings. But only very reluctantly.

Jason

He/him pronouns but in a very gnc way, like yes, he uses he/him, but damn if he doesn’t look good in a dress, you can’t stop him

He has actually never been emotionally attracted to a woman. Sexually he’s not picky, but emotionally? Does not see the appeal.

Demiromantic.

Cass

Does not object to she/her pronouns but neither does she actually possess a gender

Dislikes he/him and has vaguely uninterested feelings toward they/them but will not be offended.

Attraction is... not a concept she feels she fully grasps. Best guess is on the aroace spectrum? She just doesn’t feel confident on the idea as a whole.

Currently can comfortably call her relationship with Steph a qpr, but that might change as her understanding evolves

Tim

Genderfluid nonbinary. The gender spectrum has very minimal extremes, never fully one direction or the other, but the position on the graph does move around on the daily.

Demisexual biromantic.

Steph

Genderfluid but only rarely really; predominantly a she/her with the occasional theyday thrown in for spice.

A disaster bi in the most intentionally chaotic sense.

Duke

Genderfluid, but with all the extremes that Tim can’t grasp. Took all the gender when Tim and Damian weren’t looking.

Girls are pretty and Duke likes them a lot. Boys are bleh. Not outside the realm of possibility, but it would take a really special guy.

Damian

Agender he/they.

Gay. Just. Deeply gay.

Being gay for Damian means being unintentionally attracted only to men and agender people

This has turned into an ongoing joke among the batsiblings, waiting after Dami admits to having a crush for that person to come out as agender. It’s happened like three times, he still claims it’s coincidence but none of the family believe him

Babs

AMAB she/her. Batman year one involved Bruce rescuing Gordon’s infant son, after all— and idc what people say about Jim’s serial killer son, whatever, Babs has only child energy and I refuse to believe she has an older brother. Serial killer gordon can be younger than Babs but not older.

83% confident she’s straight, but it’s still technically shaky ground.

Alfred

Cis, spent the better part of his years as both an actor and a member of british intelligence as the company bicycle for both professions

Has vast and unknowable power and managed to keep Bruce completely unaware of his romantic or sex life whilst growing up

As an adult he has now made a game of flirting with anyone around his age he encounters while in Bruce’s presence

Has had an emotional Something going on with Leslie Thompkins since Bruce was like 12 but neither of them can find the time to define it and so Something it remains

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watching-pictures-move · 2 years

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Put On Your Raincoats | Between the Cheeks 2 (Dark, 1990)

In my review of the first Between the Cheeks, I noted that while objectification of women is unavoidable in straight pornography, I was put off by that movie’s refusal to define its female characters by anything other than the acts they performed in their sex scenes. This one is similarly objectifying, but at least it gives actual speaking parts to women outside the sex scenes. Maybe this speaks to my low standards for the genre in this respect, especially a production from the ‘90s when porn was getting a lot pornier, but I think that element goes a long way in alleviating my issues with the first movie. In both movies, the sex scenes are connected with goofy overarching framing devices, but the vibe here is a less demeaning towards the women, and more self-deprecating. We get a pimp telling us about his pimping philosophy ( "If you can't marry big money, this is the next best thing", "All I know is there's a lot of money to be made, and what better person to make it than me?"), only for him to be revealed as a mental patient convinced that the anus is where the soul lives. (He tells another patient played by Tom Byron not to go to the bathroom because his soul will leak out.)

Naturally what follows are a bunch of scenes that, as you can guess from the title, emphasize the “soul”, by which I mean anal sex. Now, without getting too graphic, I must note that there are two instances where, how do I say, the geography of the scene doesn’t make sense. In both scenes, let’s say that one thing is happening near the woman’s head, and another thing is happening near her waist, and the way the movie cuts between both occurrences suggests that they did not happen to her at the same time, despite them being presented as such. In most other pornos, I would chalk this up to technical sloppiness, but as this is a Gregory Dark movie, I suspect it might have been deliberate, a way to rub it in our face that people are watching this for one reason (except me, I’m watching it for intellectual reasons, I swear), and that logic or realism don’t matter, just keep the close-ups flowing. And I must concede that he probably has a point with this, given that the sex scenes here are consistently energetic and nicely complemented by the hard rock soundtrack. Given that the first one starred Ginger Lynn, it might be blasphemy to say this, but I thought the sex scenes in this one were way hotter across the board. (I should note that I’ve yet to be sold on Ginger Lynn, but have positive feelings about a few of the performers here, like Tianna, Bionca and Nikki Wilde, whose involvement in Party Doll A Go-Go! will always give them a place in my heart.)

I also think Dark’s deliberately cheap production design works a lot better here, as it allows the mise en scene to feel abstracted and stylish in ways that mesh nicely with the intensity of the action. (A frantic lesbian scene set on a pile of garbage feels anything but grimy.) I suspect the more purposeful use of lighting and colour play a role, as I recall the original had a consistently unappealing colour scheme. Dark also repurposes the interview framing device from his Devil in Miss Jones movies, but the effect is more obviously comedic, with characters offering alternating assessments of the hero’s character.

"I always thought he'd be a great science fiction writer"

"He was a real pervert, a sicko."

"He was a really nice guy. Warm, kind, loving"

Add to that a bunch of psychotronic montages, a steady stream of psychobabble and some amusingly daffy sex scenes (a guy dressed as a duck making quacking noises, a gangbang with aliens in tinfoil hats, bibs and speedos), and you have yourself a good time.

And for completist reasons, I also watched Between the Cheeks 3, which sadly was not stylized as B3TW33N TH3 CH33KS (the 3s would denote its place in the series, while also resembling the body part of interest). This one followed in the kooky vein of the second, but with a more repetitive framing device, slacker pacing and more generic soundtrack, I found it a lot less entertaining. I did laugh however when Brittany O’Connell, as the hero’s psychiatrist, diagnoses him with “rectal dementia”, which he imagines she treats with a threesome with two guys who come out of a giant beanbag anus, only for her to inform him that he had “a dream within a dream”. So there’s at least one good scene.

#film #movie review #put on your raincoats #between the cheeks 2 #between the cheeks 3 #gregory dark

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whartonists · 2 years

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This interview drives me slightly insane, but also I am totally fascinated by Blake Ritson’s thing (at the very end of his and Taissa Farmiga's segment) about Oscar viewing having an affair with a man as being on the same playing field as having an affair with a woman. Like, I do not agree with his precise phrasing of it (pretty sure the stigma is greater, actually! I think he must mean the stigma within Oscar’s mind rather than the stigma of the world at large, but still) but I’m super interested in the idea that Oscar is like, actually all men of my class do basically this same thing before and after getting married and actually having an affair with a man is more convenient because we can live together and just tell people we’re friends so really I am gaming the system.

That checks out, I think! And ties directly into “I hate to be defined” too--he doesn’t believe himself to have a “true nature” that he would be “hid[ing]” by making people think he was having an affair with a woman. Who he is having illicit sex with doesn’t matter to his own conception of himself--though of course it matters very much to the outside world, which he is acknowledging by suggesting that it would “play well” if people thought he and Turner were having an affair.

Obviously his “Unless I take to it like a duck to water. . .I’m only teasing” line suggests that he himself finds the idea that he would ever actually be attracted to a woman ridiculous (and indeed so much so that he thinks John should have immediately recognized it as a joke), so it’s not as though he has no self awareness about his “nature” at all. He recognizes that he is exclusively attracted to men, but this shouldn’t have to say anything about him as a person, because in fact he is behaving in the way any man of his class and position would be expected to behave, just with the small detail changed that the person he is having a sexual and emotional relationship with outside the bounds of marriage (or indeed expected marriage) is a man. That’s the only thing that’s different!

(And indeed, he recognizes too that he is behaving in a way that unites him with “plenty of men who have had to make exactly the same decision”--he is not totally unwilling to recognize his behavior, in having a male lover and making a choice to marry anyway, as uniting him with a group of other men who have behaved and do behave in the same way. It’s just that, once again, he seems unwilling to believe that that says anything about him.)

Which is in turn why he will only admit that getting married is in part a ploy to prevent people “start[ing] to wonder” about his behavior (which could mean of course his behavior with John specifically and/or his behavior more generally wrt his mannerisms and affect) when John has just frightened him by saying “I love you” in public: he is caught off-guard, and also he needs to impress upon John that their behavior IS under surveillance, that they cannot lose their heads and have a lovers’ quarrel in public. As I said weeks ago, admitting that avoiding suspicion is one of his underlying motives for getting married--indeed talking about it at all--seems to cost him something. Men who don’t get married (and, implicitly, are like him and John) are instead choosing to “live in the shadows,” which is undesirable; he can say that fairly cavalierly. But to admit to the inverse of that, that he feels that they must get married or people will talk, seems much more difficult for him to say. Oscar doesn’t want his life to be dictated by anything, including his relationship with a man: he wants everything, and he wants to make all his own choices, and he does not want to be afraid. And he really does believe that he is going to be able to have that.

#thank you mr ritson your very annoying interview actually broke this open for me.#actors are just little dudes and they are not necessarily right BUT i do think he has good thoughts generally #oscar van rhijn #the gilded age #been sitting on this for a bit now it just. kept getting longer.

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bellmo15-blog · 4 months

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How To Be A Critic In 2024

Hi.

If you’re reading this then that means you have shown interest in becoming a critic! Are you tired of reviews that are purely based on the writers’ opinions and back their views up with “logic?” Do you hate seeing people have fun with a game or movie you otherwise don’t enjoy? Do you just like ruining other people’s fun in general? Then by reading this well detailed guide in a few minutes you two will become a skilled and competent critic able to review and criticise anything on the face of the earth. All you need to do is follow these easy steps and soon you will be on your way to becoming a super smart and super famous critic.

Step 1: You can’t like ANYTHING!

The first step to being a critic nowadays is that you can not like a single thing. EVER! You MUST hate everything! You can’t show any positivity towards anything that releases nowadays even if that thing ends up being good anyway. When everyone else is enjoying themselves with the newest Sonic game that just released, it’s up to you to rise up and complain that Sonic was never good and that he should of stayed in the 90’s where he belongs! Oh and also throw in some random line about how Sonic had a rough transition to 3D and how he doesn’t work in 3D.

This is because every bit of entertainment that releases nowadays isn’t good anyway and we need to remind people of that! Things were so much better in the 80’s where games were much shorter and had way more bullshit in them to make you keep playing. “But what if I play or watch something new that comes out nowadays and I do end up liking it?” Oh, that’s easy, just don’t talk about it! After all, you need to keep up appearances. And don’t bother talking about indie projects either, they aren’t worth your time. “But my friend told me Ultrakill is a really fun arena shooter with a lot of content that makes it worth playing as well as super satisfying gameplay and that it’s well worth the…” IT’S NOT WORTH YOUR TIME!

Step 2: Learn what the term “Hyperbole” means and use it. CONSTALLY!

Okay, this is one of the most important steps you gotta learn people. Hyperbole is your friend! If you’re not being hyperbolic in your reviews then your not doing your job! You can’t just say stuff like “Ehh, this wasn’t for me/I didn’t really like this as much as I wish I did/maybe I’ll like the next one more.” NO! You GOTTA ramp it up! Exaggerate to high Hell and back! Say stuff like “WORST MOVIE/GAME EVER! THIS MOVIE/GAME IS A COMPLEATE FAILURE! IT RUINED THE FRANCHSIE! IT’S TARNASHING THE LEGACY OF THIS FRANCHSIE! IT KILLED MY CHILDHOOD! IT TOOK ME TO BRAZIL TO RAPE ME AND THEN DOXXED MY HOME ADRESSE AND SAID IT WAS GOING TO DO THE SAME TO MY FAMILY!” Does this seem a little extreme to say about something you don’t like? No, not at all! It’s completely justified, and you’ll be taken more seriously as long as you remember to use hyperbole as much as you can!

Step 3: Everything is woke now! And that’s bad!

So, you may be reading this and wondering to yourself “What is woke?” Well in case you really have been living under a rock allow me to define it in simple terms! It’s when creators shove some kind of politics down our throat that we never asked for! A person of colour being in a film? That’s woke! A female character being a badass? That’s also woke! Two characters of the same sex being in a relationship? That’s also just as woke! This is woke! That is woke! EVERYTHING is woke! EVERYTHING is political and you have to point it out even if it seems like there’s no real political motivation to the stuff you’re pointing out! If someone says your stretching, then you have a right to defend yourself by saying that they are defending that stories wokeness!

And remember, when talking about wokeness always remember to take a jab at Disney Star Wars as they have shoved there wokeness into the franchise and destroyed it entirely and also remember to ignore the fact that your talking about a franchise that literally has the word “wars” in it, George Lucas has admitted that he based the battle of Endor in Return of the Jedi of the Vietnam war and if A New Hope was released today we’d get a bunch of people complaining about the scene where C-3PO and R2-D2 get kicked out of the cantina because “we don’t serve there kind here.”

Step 4: Make your reviews an hour long!

“Wait, an hour long?” I hear you asking. “That seems a little long. Why not 10 minutes? Or 30? You know, long enough to get the point across?” And to that I say your not thinking big enough! Dragging out your videos to an hour or more long will guarantee you get your points across and ensure the ad revenue you make is worth it. Hell, why stop at just 1 hour!? Why not 2? Or 3? OR 8 HOURS!? Talk about absolutely EVERYTHING in a bit of fiction! What’s that? Journey only takes an hour beat and is a game where your meant to come to your own conclusion about what it’s about or what you think it might be about? Oh no no no, you need to drag it out into a 3-hour long essay about how it’s about the concept of death and have an hour-long intro talking about how no other games up to this point have even come close to what Journey archives and only barely scratched the surface. Speaking of…

Step 5: Over analyse EVERYTHING!

This one is self-explanatory. Look deeply into absolutely everything that you can even if the conclusion you’re coming to is a massive stretch. Take the Mortal Kombat character D'vorah for example. A character who kills of major characters in the story yet get’s away with it every time. Now, why would she do this? Is it because she’s super smart as a result of her being a collection of various bugs controlling a humanoid shell? Could it be because she’ll do anything for her hives survival including playing both sides and betraying everyone so much it would make Revolver Ocelot blush?... If, you know, Ocelot was into Anthro bug ladies. NOPE! It’s because someone on the dev team loves this character with a passion and just wants to piss of the fanbase by using her to kill off popular characters… For some reason. Yes, that is DEFINENTLLY the reason why D’Vorah get’s so much love from Netherrealm.

Step 6: You are ALWAYS right!

You might think that as a critic who’s job it is to criticise other people’s work for a living that other people have a right to criticise you for when you make a mistake. Except no, they don’t! The calm and reasonable and level-headed guy who backs his arguments up with logic will always, ALWAYS be wrong compared to you, the man who’s angry 24/7 and doesn’t like anything. Because that is a WAY healthier way to live!

Step 7: Make shit up!

Finally, when all else fails and you can’t think of anything else the best thing you can do is just make random shit up! Lie, spread rumours, feed into the bullshit machine, say that this game/movie/show/whatever is going to bomb and not make any money because you think no one will be interested in it and keep yourself that little bubble of yours because if you say something enough times then it will become true. And when something does come out and your proven wrong and people do end up enjoying the thing you spent the last few months trash talking because your own personal bias got in the way and you refuse to go outside your little bubble you live in just say those people have no taste or that they are being paid off or that they live in their own bubble!

And that’s it! That is the guide! As long as you remember to follow these easy steps then you will be sure to get over a million subscribers on your Youtube channel. As well as never being happy, never being fun, never being able to enjoy anything and always putting others down. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to go make a 24 hour long essay about how Super Mario RPG Remake is an insult to the original SNES classic and bully the people who are enjoying it while supporting harassment of the people who worked on the game all for that sweet sweet Youtube money! Thanks for reading and don’t forget to like and follow!

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alyjojo · 10 months

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Family Ties 🤍 - July 2023 - Sagittarius

Overall energy: King of Cups

It’s possible you or your family are a part of the lgbtq community. You could have same sex parents, could be same sex parents yourselves, or maybe that’s the goal. Trans is also included here, there’s one person between two King of Cups, I’m getting that message for someone. There is a lot of secrecy in the family, or has been, this could be one of those. If not that story, these can just be two or three people in the family, maybe siblings, and there is a deep bond & a lot of love between you, but maybe isn’t spoken out loud. There is also a message about your financial situation not being great but you don’t wanna talk about it, or you lead others to believe it’s all roses 🌹

Mother: Ace of Swords & The Star

Your financial situation isn’t great, but you’re trying. That initial energy for some, could be masking someone who “has it all together” but not really. That’s the dream though. Your spiritual message mirrors your mother’s message, she’s telling you what you need to hear and your Spirits are basically saying “listen to Mom” 😆 Things like debt, credit, savings, etc., she’s concerned about you being able to stand comfortably on your own and get out of any financial ruts you’ve gotten yourself into. She could be the secretive one in the family, or maybe the one you share your secrets with, you two have a very close bond. You may also talk to her about money but not your family or romantic life, if you have them. Secrets are highlighted as a big thing with you. Your mother may also have amazing intuition and can see through your bs if you do lie or try to hide stuff. She could have some sort of psychic gift or has some weird stories of “just knowing” things, especially about you, and her Ace of Swords gift cuts right through anything you try to hide. You two could have an unspoken or intuitive sort of communication, sometimes you know how she’s thinking or feeling, or she does, you could finish each other’s sentences. She can read you. She’s probably smarter than she gets credit for, or she uses the general assumption that she’s not to her advantage. If “she’s” another Dad, then he, or that’s switched, idk place people where they go, you’ll know who is who by the description.

Father: 8 Pentacles & Temperance

Dad is a worker bee, very practical, that’s how he has defined himself in his life. He’s peaceful, balanced, and likes to spend a lot of time alone or doing whatever his work requires of him. He could have Virgo placements or just stays to himself a lot. If not work, then there could be a hobby, craft, or practical passion that he’s very talented at, and that could have him off to himself detailing away at some masterpiece for hours on end. He’s Hermity, and It’s something that makes him very happy. He may be retired now and/or once that happens he can really focus on his real passions, which seems to be something that’s like work. Heavy earth vibes. He may be alone a lot, but he’s always busy. He’s not someone that likes to sit and relax 💯 And he’s not someone that waits around on other people to join him either, he’s perfectly content doing his own thing. With you, I’m only getting that what’s been in the dark will come to the light ☀️ …either with you or with him, and I get that’s a very positive thing.

Siblings: 10 Wands & 2 Wands

There’s drama with a sibling, they could have heavy fire, especially Aries. You find them to be arrogant, bossy, demanding, defensive and always ready to argue or start shit. You’re not interested in that 💯 I can’t tell if you even have a relationship with them other than just tiptoeing around them, avoiding even dealing with them in the first place. You’ve healed from some drama with them already, and you’re not about to go back to that kind of situation. But you don’t exactly know how to fix it and avoid it at the same time. The whole thing is a heavy burden you carry and don’t know how to change. They could also feel that way about you and this is switched, because you’re also fire, either way, someone is drama and the other person is avoidant.

Grandparents: 10 Cups & Knight of Pentacles

Secrets are definitely kept from the grandparents, that could be everyone doing it as a team 😆 They don’t gots ta know about it. I get them being very nosy, gossiping, in everybody’s ear about everything, that’s probably why everyone has learned to just keep their mouth shut. I do get them being a loving & happy part of this family. Whoever the earth sign is, Virgo & Cap are both here, they’re probably the closest to that person. That could be you, sibling, Dad. Or them. They make you do things for them that you wouldn’t do for anyone and it kinda drives you (all) crazy. Like today we’re killing all of the mice in Grandma’s shed. Or climbing on her roof to check for missing shingles. Farm work is a vibe here, either literally or to just show how they are. At their house, we wake up at 5am and milk cows 🐄 No lounging. They put you to work, grunt work, and you’re stuck doing whatever it is because you’re forced to. But you also love them deeply, they love you, and they’re like the backbone of the whole family, anything passed down among you, literally or spiritually, it’s coming from them. Whoever the dominant earth 🌳 placement is, they have a heavy hold over this person mentally/emotionally, maybe to the point of being kinda toxic because of the effect, at least in how it’s played out on occasion.

Spiritual Ancestors: 3 Cups rev & 5 Pentacles rev

The message is literally “quit partying and get your shit together” 😆 I’m sorry! That’s what I heard, I’m dying here. No judgement. Sag likes it blunt, they’re giving it to you straight. Again, Virgo energy is so heavy in this area too, most of them 💯 It could be saying don’t just come around for money, idk if that’s something you do, if so, it has to stop. Whatever they’re telling you, it’s something Mom is telling you too, and you’re already aware of it. Some of you may be needing to go back to school for some certification. Some of you need to put in resumes. Where you are is not where you’re supposed to be, or it’s not paying you well, you can’t grow there, etc. You keep pulling 5 Pentacles rev and your spiritual soul family is also concerned about it your financial security and independence. Whatever you’re needing to do, The Fool here is them saying just do it, and they’re cheering for you 🎉 about it too. That shows there’s definitely something out there you could be missing. If you need to go to school, now is the time, if you’re looking for a sign, here it is. Sign any papers, schedule any appointments, put in resumes, and then go. That’s it, that’s the advice, they love you 💙

Oracle:

Play

Our work can and should take on the quality of play, for it is play that stimulates creativity.

Willpower

Use your willpower to bravely overcome thoughts of compromise and defeat.

#sagittarius tarot reading #family ties #July 2023 #Sagittarius #tarot #free tarot #generational trauma #healing family relationships

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good-g0rl · 1 year

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Journal Time 5/16/2023

Hi.

It’s been a while.

A few months ago I started seeing someone new, with the understanding that their time here was limited and they would be moving across the country with one of their partners in a year.

Initially all of my instincts told me I needed to end it. But I really like him and there was a connection there, especially after the first time we had sex (and our kinks aligned so nicely holy shit.) After a lot of discussion with friends, partners, and my therapist I decided that this would be a unique opportunity for me to explore a time limited relationship and manage my expectations for a relationship that falls outside monogamy and the relationship escalator. I convinced myself that this is something worth exploring and I allowed myself to give in to my feelings and allow myself to get close to this person.

Flash forward a few months and I can honestly say that I have been so happy and felt so safe with him. We’ve had many discussions about our expectations for this relationship, and what that looks like in practice. I have made sure to keep myself aware of how I am feeling and then impact of my feelings on this relationship. I guess I considered myself to be handling things well and taking care of myself with respect to how much I let this person into my life/inner world.

There have been times, like in all of my relationships, where I’ve felt misheard or unseen, but generally my feelings about this relationship have been positive. He has challenged me in many ways to confront my own behavior and to change the narrative I have about myself. I guess I took this a little too far when I thought that maybe this kind of relationship would pair nicely with a D/s dynamic.

I’ve brought it up from time to time, but I’m afraid that maybe I haven’t been as transparent about what that means for me? He mentioned that I did not speak about it when we were going over the relationship anarchy smorgasbord that we filled out, which is true and feels like an oversight on my end. I was thinking that this is something that needed to happen organically and would be defined as we continued to explore kink and power exchange together. I realize now that I didn’t communicate this properly. I had mentioned starting a dynamic many times before this conversation, including when we discussed having this conversation, but I failed to bring it up then and therefore it was not something that he had considered.

When I brought it up again last night I specified that I would be interested in doing more Cg/little stuff together, something he had mentioned when I first brought up the idea of a dynamic. He essentially responded with something that I perceived to mean “I appreciate that you feel safe and comfortable enough to engage with me in that way, however I don’t think I am going to be spending enough time here with you physically to establish something like that and want to make sure I’m being realistic and not setting both of us up for any recoil from having to build something like that only to end it in a year when I move.”

My heart immediately sank. I felt like an idiot for even mentioning it in the first place. However I do recognize that it was a necessary reality check for me. Like he’s right, he is leaving in a year and some things are going to have to end, like seeing each other in person for one.

And it kinda left me feeling a little rejected, which he acknowledged and responded with something to the effect of, “it’s not that I don’t want those things with you, I just want to make sure that we are being realistic” and I said it felt like a boundary put in place to prevent future heartbreak, which makes sense and is something I’d like to respect.

But I still felt weird when I woke up and he said, “well there are elements of a dynamic we can incorporate if you’d like, and if there is anything I’m already doing that crosses over into that realm please let me know so that I can be aware of the impact of my actions” which felt a little like he was trying to people please and compromise because I was upset which is not what I want. I can also see how he may have processed things a bit and wanted to acknowledge that this desire for a dynamic like that came from a real place and has roots in the ways we’ve interacted up until this point (at least I hope that’s where he was coming from). Which for the record have all been things I wanted to do and engage in with him, knowing that this relationship will de-escalate at some point.

He also told me he’s not looking to date more people so he’s going off the apps and wants to just spend his remaining time with existing partners. And he used the term “comet partner” which to me felt like a bit of a downgrade from how we’ve been engaging in the present, but is definitely the type of relationship he’d like to establish in the future when he does leave, something that I made myself aware of. And realistically, what I want for us in the future.

I just can’t shake the feeling of abandonment I have over this. I feel like I abandoned my instincts to pursue something with him as a way to challenge the preconceived notions I have about relationships, when now it feels like I’ve set myself up for inevitable heartbreak. I also feel the need to protect myself and my emotions from a fear of fallout that I tried so hard to work through. I feel a little bit of perceived abandonment from him with regards to what it is I think we’ve been building, but also maybe this is just a result of miscommunication (which is strange to me because it feels like all we’ve been doing is talking about and discussing things between us and where we want them to go). But I can also see where I’ve considered what’s realistic and adjusted my expectations accordingly, something I hope I can continue to do with this.

I guess part of me is also feeling like this was really the first time that I reached a limit for him in terms of what he is able to provide with respect to what I want (and that historically I have used any perceived possibility of what I want being in conflict with another person’s boundaries as a reason to not express what I want or even consider it in the first place). I had thought my expectations were already managed. This serves as a reminder that they are not.

I think I have more work to do with my understanding of what I want and what I need. I also think I need to re-examine the ways he and I have engaged and the things I’ve explored with him (sexually, romantically, and with kink) to better assess what my limits are with respect to his emotional boundaries.

Basically I’m trying to balance feeling frustrated and upset with myself for not listening to my instincts before getting super emotionally involved, and the understanding that I can heal and grow from this and learn how to define what my limits are instead of going with what feels good in the moment. I have more work to do and I have some decisions to make with respect to this relationship and the ways I want to be involved in it. At this moment, I don’t know what the best move is for me so I am sitting in these feelings and letting them marinate before fully forming a plan of action for myself. I hope he is open to hearing all of this and can give me a sense of where his head is at, but I also don’t want to influence his feelings or project my internal narrative of things onto his experience. Maybe how I feel is wrong and serves as a reminder that I need to confront myself more and see this as an opportunity to challenge myself again, instead of feeling like I hurt myself again.

Thanks for listening.

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holaafrica · 1 year

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#HOLAApost published on https://holaafrica.org/things-we-need-to-normalize-in-the-queer-community/

Things We Need To Normalize in the Queer Community.

Look, truth is we have some great things in the queer community but we also have some shady things that happen. We have some ways in which we are re-defining love and life and some ways we are emotionally being hot trash.

We have some weird rules, some toxic practices and some shady sh*t that we do as queers. So we need to re-think some stuff. Here is a list of things that we need to ‘normalize’ in the queer community.

In fact, ‘the straights’ can normalise some of these things too. This is basically stuff we should all be unpacking.

1. Normalise studs dating studs and femmes dating femmes: The idea that we must replicate heterosexual relationships where there is a ‘man and a woman’ is not a real thing. Forget heteronormativity. Love who you love. Dating along perceived ‘gender roles’ limits the experiences and ways in which we can f**k and love and live.

2. Normalise being OK with not wanting sex: as queer people we are constantly sexualised and we also sexualise ourselves. We think that by being queer we need to be having sex all the time. It’s a real thing to not want sex or have sex. It’s about where you are at, that is the core tenant of sex positivity and being sexually grounded. Having sex in the when, how and with you want to. And if that is no-one and not at all then that is valid.

3. Normalise being happy and single: We are constantly bombarded with the need to be in a relationship. These internet streets are full of cute couples being the most. It’s really fine to be single and thriving. In fact sometimes it is better.

4. Normalise understanding and asking for consent: Consent is so necessary and we do not talk about it enough. You cannot simply assume people want to have sex. Or hugs. Or anything really. Learn about consent.

Side note: The level of sexual violence within the queer community because we are not engaging properly with consent is troubling. We need to do better. So much better.

5. Normalise both tops and bottoms having multiple orgasms: Too many shady ideas about who No matter if you are top, bottom or a switch everyone deserves orgasms (especially with the gay boys, yep we looking at you)

6. Normalise taking the pleasure of bottoms seriously: See previous entry. Often the pleasure of bottoms is not prioritised and sidelined. All folx deserve pleasure when it comes to sex.

7. Normalise being a switch a.k.a. being a top or bottom: People can have multiple ‘roles’ during sex, you don’t always have to be the one who is in charge or the one who is the ‘taker. It is OK to explore both, to try and engage with all sides of the sexual experience. There is nothing wrong with being a switch.

8. Normalise Kink: People find pleasure in different ways, getting kinky is one of those ways. Also kink will teach you a whole bunch about having the sex you want, speaking about it and also consent.

9. Normalise not being cheated on: Folx are creeping, slipping and sliding. Getting cheated on is not ‘normal’. Its not just something that happens. It’s not something that ‘people be doing’. Cheating is painful and harmful and you do not have to take it. Just because the community is small, and being single is a real thing it doesn’t mean you have to accept someone stepping out on you.

10. Normalise not cheating: Stay focused Cheating breaks down another person and is so hurtful and harmful. Especially when people find out. There are much better ways of exploring your sex and sexuality. And if the cheating is about needing to cheat well thats a whole other thing that you need to deal with.

11. Normalise gender not being binary: Gender is fluid and comes on a spectrum. It is not in a binary. It isn’t just masculine and feminine. F**k with gender, do what you want with it. Explore it, engage it, change it in yourself. Taste the rainbow.

12. Normalise understanding that abuse in the queer community exists: We aren’t perfect. Being in a queer relationship isn’t all 10 years of commitment, a puppy and photos of bae. There is violence in our intimate spaces and we need to face that and tackle it instead of sweeping it under the rug.

13. Normalise not dating the whole squad: Look, your friends are fabulous and the community is small, we are sure, but do you gotta date the *entire* squad? Like the whole damn crew? Come on now.

14. Normalise being in an ethical non-monogamy: Wanting to explore and be with other people is perfectly normal. There are so many different ways to create partnerships and relationships, from polyamory, to throuples, to open relationships and more. Some people are outchea trying to creep and cheat instead of having open (sometimes hard) conversations about redefining their relationships.

15. Normalise queers being religious: Jesus loves the gays, its Christians who are being a hot mess. Religious spaces have not always been kind but there is so much that people draw from their spirituality and that is so important.

16. Normalise not having to come out: You do not have to come out, the idea that you have to announce your sexuality to the world in order to be valid is not a real thing. In the closet or not you are still queer AF.

17. Normalize calling out misogyny in queer communities: There is a lot of hate towards women and femmes in the queer community. From the way femme presenting gay men are treated to active violence against trans women, it’s a hot mess and hot trash. The world is filled with misogyny/misogynoir and the queer community is no different just because we are always saying ‘sis’ all the time.

18. Normalise calling out racism: Queer folx often think because they suffer one type of oppression they are immune from shelling out another. There are plenty of racist folx in our LGBTQ+ streets. Being queer doesn’t make you an angel.

19. Normalise not having a fixed sexual identity: Just because you identify as a lesbian now doesn’t mean you will always identify as a lesbian. Or pansexual. Or bisexual. Or gay. Your identity is allowed to change. Labels are road signs not destinations.

20. Normalise not being a perfect queer: Being a ‘Gold Star Lesbian’ or ‘Platinum Star Gay’ is not a real thing. You are not Gay Concentrate and there is no competition for being ‘the most homosexual in the group’. People can define their queerness as they want without judgement from others. Back the hell up.

21. Normalise your friends being as important as your lovers: Platonic intimacy is amazing, and treating your friends with all the love and care you reserve for lovers is a real thing. Love and sex are fabulous but friendship is also such a vital part of lives.

22. Normalise the feelings of asexual being valid: Back to the hypersexuality we sometimes impose on ourselves (and others impose on us as queers) asexuality and not wanting that sexual interaction has folx shook. Asexuality is valid.

23. Normalise healing from your past traumas: We are holding a lot of hurt, a lot of pain and so many traumas within the queer community. It’s OK to heal. We deserve healing. We need healing.

24. Normalise taking care of our mental health: Mental health is so important, as important as your physical health. Do your squats, base your scalp, drink your water but also journal. Find a therapist.

25. Normalise side eyeing and calling out predatory relationships sometimes disguised as ‘age gaps’ and ‘dating baby queers’: When there is an age gap you need to address it, unpack the active power dynamics or else it gets real predatory real fast.

When we know better we do better.

***

Check out the Basically…Life Podcast (on all platforms) and our YouTube series We Are F**kin Here for other vibes that show how queers are livin’, lovin’ and f*ckin.

For more info about all things gender and sexuality download our Touch Manual which has a bunch of info about dating, sexuality, gender, sex and much more!

Get your of copy Touch: Sex, Sexuality and Sensuality – A collection of essays from folks all around the world. A collection of intimate, beautiful, gorgeous essays.

Also visit our Instagram page and Twitter account for even more great content! To submit to HOLAA email: [email protected]

#community #Gender #gender performance #HOLAA #HOLAAfrica #identity #sexuality #Gender &amp; Identity

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