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reyrapidsbutgayer · 5 months

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Ranking All Elden Ring Bosses by Fuckability

It was only a matter of time until I made a post like this.

In this hypothetical all of the bosses can be reasonably communicated with and are not actively trying to kill you.

Repeat bosses not included, duo bosses counted seperate.

It should also be assumed that all of these bosses have access to their magic/items/resources to benefit them in bed.

Explanation of Grading system:

Ineligible: (Cannot give consent)

These characters are not sentient enough to communicate consent, or are physically incapable of sex.

Unfuckable: (Can give consent, but does not DESERVE sex)

Character sucks so badly that they do not deserve to experience pleasure in any shape or form.

Uninterested: (Can give consent, does not WANT sex)

These character are fully capable of sex but would never participate in sex due to lack of interest or overabundance of moral convictions.

Not worth it: (Can give consent, is terrible in bed)

I mean, you COULD have sex with these characters but why would you?

Acceptable: (Can give consent, would be fine in bed)

These characters are average in bed, nothing crazy or noticeable. Some might end up in this category because they ARE good at sex, but the entire process would be inconvenient or uncomfortable to initiate.

Good Time: (Can give consent, would be great in bed)

These characters are good at sex, give or take a few points depending on their mood or situation.

Knock your socks off: (Can give consent, would be amazing in bed)

These characters excel in giving pleasure and would be well worth the time and effort involved.

Sex God: (Can give consent, would be the best in bed)

These characters would be so good at sex that all other factors are irrelevant. They are serving and we are here for it.

Evil Sex God: (Can give consent, is a terrible person but you’d make an exception.)

These are characters that should fall lower in the rankings, but their sexual prowess supersedes their inherent awfulness to a noteworthy degree.

Full list below the read more. Obviously it's not going to be sfw.

Ineligible: (Cannot give consent)

Dragonkin Soldier:

Mindless beast

Astel, Naturalborn of the Void

Weird rock alien, doesn't/can't understand.

Fia's Champions:

Ghosts, simps.

Regal Ancestor Spirit

Animal

Erdtree Avatar

A plant

Great Wyrm Theodorix

Mindless beast.

Ulcerated Tree Spirit

A plant, no junk

Tibia Mariner:

Skeleton

Red Wolf of the Champion:

Animal.

Full-Grown Fallingstar Beast

Weird rock alien, doesn't/can't understand.

Abductor Virgin

First off, just some snakes in a robot. Second, virgin.

Erdtree Burial Watchdog

Stone gargoyle

Crystalians

Non-organic

Mad Pumpkin Heads

Unable to consent due to madness.

Cemetery Shade

Unable to consent due to mind controlling parasite.

Spirit-Caller Snail

Animal

Runebear

Animal

Miranda the Blighted Bloom

A plant

Guardian Golem

Stone gargoyle

Starscourge Radahn:

Unable to consent due to madness

Unfuckable: (Can give consent, but does not DESERVE sex)

Elden Beast:

Too catholic.

Sir Gideon Ofnir, the All-Knowing:

Dick game weak - unironically posts joker memes.

Omenkiller:

Basically a cop.

Necromancer Garris:

Killed his family, not a good husband.

Royal Revenant:

Won't stop screaming (in an unsexy way)

Godrick the Grafted:

Incel - Also all that murder and torture business but mostly the Incel stuff.

Uninterested: (Can give consent, does not WANT sex)

Valiant Gargoyle:

Could probably have sex if it wanted to, but is kinda going through a lot right now. Ya know, that whole "Is made of several corpses mashed together" thing.

Malenia, Blade of Miquella:

Look, I ALSO wanted her to higher up on this list, but let's be honest here. Her body is rotting and falling apart, she just isn't up for sex in her current form. In her prime? She'd be top of the list. She's the daughter of Marika and Radagon, she'd be playing fuck/marry/kill with every warrior who crossed her path. (in that order)

Death Rite Bird:

I think it might be physically capable of sex, but is too busy burning corpses to bother with stuff like that.

Black Blade Kindred:

Same reason as the Valiant Gargoyle but you might have like 2% more of a chance because they are goth.

Maliketh, the Black Blade:

Would normally be a sex god, but is too religious. Probably took a vow about this sort of thing.

Morgott, the Omen King:

You kidding me? This guy has the same energy as a repressed youth pastor. He's gonna be a virgin till the day he dies. The dude sided with the same religious order that locked him a sewer and tried to kill him. He's not out there getting phone numbers he's too busy praying and judging others for their 'impure thoughts'.

Draconic Tree Sentinel:

Married to his job, also physically chained to his horse. He ain't taking off that armor anytime soon.

Wormface:

Too sad, leave him alone his face is full of worms.

Tree Sentinel:

Same as the Draconic Tree Sentinel but he's a tiny bit more naive so you might have a better chance.

Elder Dragon Greyoll:

Too sleepy, but still kinda a milf.

Grafted Scion:

There might be some genitals in there somewhere but I don't think they know how or even want to use them.

Not worth it: (Can give consent, is terrible in bed)

Esgar, Priest of Blood:

No sense of hygiene, is always covered in blood (in an unsexy way)

Mohg, Lord of Blood:

This loser is dripping with all the least sexy bodily fluids and he has sharp horns sticking out of him. Even if you got him in bed you'd only enjoy like 5% of it. Plus you just know he'd be all needy afterwards and try to get you to join his MLM.

Borealis the Freezing Fog:

Too cold, not a snuggler.

Elemer of the Briar:

The armor stays ON during sex.

Kindred of Rot:

It's like all the worst possible aspects of alien biology, it won't be nearly as fun as you hoped.

Sanguine Noble:

Same as all the other Mohg followers, too sticky and too smelly.

Decaying Ekzykes:

He's sick right now, leave him alone.

Acceptable: (Can give consent, would be fine in bed)

Loretta, Knight of the Haligtree:

I'm sure she'd be a decent lover. Maybe a little overzealous but she'd has good intentions.

Grave Warden Duelist:

I mean these guys are hot and probably fuck like a truck but they are not the most caring lovers, also they are covered in live snakes so there is that.

Night's Cavalry:

If you like goth knights I'm sure they'd be fine.

Onyx Lord:

Their skin probably feels like stone, but I bet they can pull off all sorts of freaky zero-g sex stuff if you ask them.

Alabaster Lord:

Same as the Onyx Lord but slightly more goth.

Fell Twins:

Once you get past the horns and stuff I bet the Omens are actually pretty good in bed, just watch out.

Demi-Human Queens:

I feel like all Demi-humans are pretty good lovers but their biology probably has some unexpected drawbacks.

Stonedigger Troll:

If you can get past the texture and the size I bet they could be decent in bed.

Flying Dragon Greyll:

A surprisingly unsexy dragon, but a dragon is a dragon and still worth at least a one night stand.

Glintstone Dragon Adula:

A dragon willing to kill racist magic users, earns them a few extra points.

Beastman of Farum Azula:

On one hand the Beastmen probably have crazy mating skills, but they are also zombies, which detracts some points for all the decay.

Battlemage Hugues:

Contrary to popular belief, Wizards are not very good at sex. They spend all their time studying instead of partying, at least Hugues is willing to get his hands dirty.

Commander O'Neil:

Seems like a decent guy, but probably won't shut up about his time in the military. Also he is infected with scarlet rot so that might be a mood killer.

Bloodhound Knight Darriwil:

The bloodhound knights are probably pretty wild in bed if you can earn their loyalty, but good luck with that.

Adan, Thief of Fire:

The dude committed heresy, that has to earn him some sexy points.

Soldier of Godrick:

He's a good boy, he's doing his job so throw him a bone.

Flying Dragon Agheel:

One of the first dragons you encounter, so he earns some points for style.

Demi-Human Chief:

Same as the queens, but probably a bit rougher in bed.

Good Time: (Can give consent, would be great in bed)

Lichdragon Fortissax:

A much sexier dragon, you know they were hooking up with Godwin. Only loses some points for all the death rot.

Crucible Knight Siluria:

A bit gloomy, but I bet the crucible knights can do all sorts of freaky stuff with their animal body parts.

Mimic Tear:

A slippery liquid shapeshifter, need I say more?

Commander Niall:

A way better guy than O'Niel, plus he just a bit more daddy energy.

Fire Giant:

Once you get past his size, his sadness and the giant fell god of destruction in his chest, I bet he's got something going on.

Ancient Hero of Zamor:

Gives me Hercules/Amazonian vibes, I could be into it.

Cleanrot Knight:

Lesbian activities detected.

Crucible Knight:

These guys have tails, horns, wings and big old throat sacks. Imagine the possibilities.

Glintstone Dragon Smarag:

Has a sword. If you hear "Dragon holding a sword" and your pants aren't already off, we can't be friends.

Bols, Carian Knight:

He seems like a good boy.

Scaly Misbegotten:

I feel like the Misbegotten have some really interesting possibilities with their animal biology. I bet they have bonobo type societies and that could be fun.

Leonine Misbegotten:

Same as the other Misbegotten.

Misbegotten Warrior:

Same as the other Misbegotten.

Knock your socks off: (Can give consent, would be amazing in bed)

Crucible Knight Ordovis:

Has all the desirable traits of a Crucible Knight but I also imagine they are super into threesomes.

Perfumer Tricia:

She seems really nice, and would be a super attentive lover. Plus she probably has access to crazy drugs and could hook you up.

Nox Swordstress & Nox Priest:

You just know that the Nox were getting up to crazy hot and crazy unethical experiments in their underground cities. These two probably get up to some wild shit and they are inviting you to join them.

Rennala, Queen of the Full Moon:

As she is now, I bet she'd be too sad to really be in a relationship again. But she kept up with Radagon and you just know she has some tricks up her sleeves that could make you abandon the golden order.

Sex God: (Can give consent, would be the best in bed)

Dragonlord Placidusax:

Has two male heads and three female heads, imagine...

Ancient Dragon Lansseax:

Formed a whole freaky dragon/human cult and you just know they got into some eyes-wide-shut orgies behind those doors.

Godfrey, First Elden Lord (Hoarah Loux):

We all knew he'd be this high on the list. He was just a normal dude but he managed to keep pace with Queen Marika (Who is basically a goddess of fertility) for a good long while. He will fold you in half (on the battlefield and in the bedroom.)

Evil Sex God: (Can give consent, is a terrible person but you’d make an exception.)

Radagon of the Golden Order:

He sucks in all the worst ways, but I mean... You can't NOT. Both Radagon and Marika are the embodiment of evil but they managed to suck and fuck their way across an entire continent for generations. You HAVE to give a try at least once.

Godskin Duo:

Oh my god will it be awful with all those flayed human skins, but you know you are still gonna have to. They can stretch and do all sorts of freaky stuff with their bodies, plus they kill gods and nothing is sexier than heresy.

Vyke, Knight of the Roundtable:

The dude is a mad killer but... he can still probably get it, might as well give it a try.

God-Devouring Serpent / Rykard, Lord of Blasphemy:

Personally I wouldn't, he's a loser and will probably kill you. But he is also a giant snake made up of squirming hands doing all sorts of sexual experiments, I can't blame you if you want to give it a taste.

Black Knife Assassin:

They committed a whole lot of treason but the power of armored lesbians is too hard to resist.

Patches:

If you are already having sex with from software characters, you gotta give Patches at least one attempt. When you wake up he'll have robbed you, but you knew what you were getting into.

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yamujiburo · 7 months

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POKEMON SERIES RANKED (IMO)

I get this question a lot and haven't made an updated list with Journeys

Original Series (S1-S5)

Sun & Moon (S20-S22)

Chronicles (S0)

Diamond and Pearl (S10-S13)

Advanced (S6-S9)

Journeys (S23-S25)

Black & White (S14-S16)

XY (S17-S19)

Original Series (S1-S5)

OS had that first season charm. Very unpolished, still finding its footing but super enjoyable for those reasons

Probably the strongest series comedy-wise

That GORGEOUS 90s anime style

Main character dynamics were REALLY strong

Ash's personality felt much more like a shitty little 10 year old which was entertaining

Dub writing was also the best hands down

Sun & Moon (S20-S22)

Honestly tied for first with OS for me

REALLY fun ensemble cast! They do a fantastic job giving each character enough time for you to get to know and care about

Excellent modern anime style that perfectly fit the vibe of the season and allowed for some of the best character animation of the show's run

Finally figured out how to write Ash like a 10 year old again (but in a kind/sweet 10 year old way as opposed to OS)

Very different from previous series in terms of the formula they'd follow. Doing a school series instead of another "8 badges to championship" plot felt new and fresh!

This series genuinely made me cry the most (MEMORIES IN THE MIST!!!!! LIKE ARE YOU KIDDING ME)

Chronicles (S0)

Fun concept! It was really nice to see more of the side characters without Ash there. We get to see more of Misty, Tracey, Daisy, Brock, Ritchie, Oak, Delia, Butch, Cassidy, Jessie, James and Meowth!

Stylistically really nice. Just solid drawings all around and it retained the 90s anime style in digital form more successfully than other digitally done series imo

BUTCH AND CASSIDY!!! Team Rocket centric episodes!!! Training Daze!!!!!!!

Idk how possible it would have been (seems like a TON of work) but it made me want one of these in between each season, where we'd follow the characters that Ash had just said goodbye to for the next region.

Diamond and Pearl (S10-S13)

Series I grew up with! Honestly I was kinda a hater as a kid but having watched it back, I love the series

Love that Ash and Dawn were bros. They had a really fun dynamic.

Debatably peak Team Rocket. They had some of the best Team Rocket centric episodes this series.

Contests were really fun and a bit more figured out compared to the Advanced series

Fun, memorable rivals for Ash (Paul and Barry) as well as Dawn (Zoey, Kenny and Jessilina sometimes)

This is unfortunately where I stopped caring about Ash as much. He feels kinda watered down for the next couple series.

Advanced (S6-S9)

Pretty tied up with DP for me

Really fun series! Still had some of that early Pokémon charm

I appreciated that they put Ash in more of a mentor role for May (but he still had a lot to learn himself).

Ash and May constantly butting heads was really fun

May was a very compelling character to me, being very clumsy, kinda lazy, directionless, not really into Pokémon, etc. But then over time, she comes around and finds something she's interested in!

Journeys (S23-S25)

I love the episodic take as well as the way they let the characters jump around from region to region at random

Goh was a GREAT travel companion to Ash. They contrast each other nicely, have moments where they get on each others' nerves but still get along and have a mutual admiration for one another.

It was fun that they made Goh's thing catching every Pokémon (the motto of the entire series) so they could focus on Ash just training and prepping for Worlds.

Amaaaazing style. Took the great parts of classic Pokémon, roundness of SM and blended em together for a really fun look.

Black & White (S14-S16)

I don't think it's that controversial to have BW this low haha

I did enjoy Iris and Cilan but it felt like the writers didn't reaaally know what to do with them? Also this was their first time in a while not having Brock and it shows. I feel like Brock was successful because he was grounded and lower energy compared to the rest of the kids. Having 3 pretty eccentric characters is kind of a lot. No hate to the characters in the slightest, there was just not as much balance.

I think maybe they leaned on Cilan and Iris for more comedic relief because they killed the comedic relief that was Team Rocket this series. I appreciate them trying something new with Jessie, James and Meowth but I don't think it worked very well lol

XY (S17-S19)

I've ranted about this series a lot LOL. I get the appeal of it, but it just wasn't for me. I felt like it was the weakest comedy-wise and took itself a bit too seriously for my taste

My main gripe is that Serena, Clemont and Bonnie all like,,, worship Ash. By doing so, Ash begins to feel like a side character because we're constantly looking at Ash through their eyes. There's so little conflict within the group so their dynamics feel really flat. I think this dynamic could have worked if they leaned waaay more into Ash being a mentor and maybe feeling the pressure of having to be a role model for the people around him.

Team Rocket very much feels like an afterthought in this series. They did in Journeys as well, but at least in Journeys they were doing something silly and also had a handful of episodes dedicated to em.

Outside of that, the episodes weren't super memorable for me

I think it's just frustrating because there was sooooo much potential character-wise

#long post #ranking

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izunias-meme-hole · 9 months

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Ranking Princess Zelda’s Designs

Zelda 1/Adventure of Link

So this was Zelda? Yep, this is early installment weirdness at its finest. 1/10

A Link To The Past/A Link Between Worlds/Smash Ultimate

Okay, now this design would be the base for almost every Zelda design in the series, and I can see why. It looks regal and almost divine looking, like she 100% looks like a princess that’s a reincarnation of god. 10/10

Ocarina of Time (Young)

She looks less like a princess and more like a priestess or nun, but the design for the kid isn’t that bad, especially since the pink on her attire is swapped out for more of a magenta-esque color, which honestly works a lot. 8/10

Ocarina of Time (Adult)

This design is rather fitting for Zelda, especially the colors. The shoulder pads, the blonde hair, and the usuage of different shades of purple and pink are rather nice and keep the design from being distracting. However it is the weaker design in comparison to some of the others on this list. 9/10

Tetra

Tetra IS supposed to be a reincarnation of Zelda, but you wouldn’t see that at first glance. She looks more akin to an adventurous little rascal rather than a proper princess, which honestly fits well with how she’s portrayed in the game. 10/10

Toon Zelda

I like the outfit, and I like how much it perfectly captures the likeness of OOT Zelda (with a few modifications to the design), but what is up with her crown? 9/10

Four Swords

No… just no. 2/10

Twilight Princess/Smash Bros

This design is absolutely iconic, and completely unique. The brown hair, the white and magenta dress, the more reserved yet battle ready appearance, and the fact that it’s an upgraded version of the OOT design make this design for Zelda work stand out amongst the others. Instant 10/10

Skyward Sword (Regular)

God this design is so good in context. Zelda in this game is not a princess, so of course her appearance looks more casual here, giving her personality a chance to show itself. Honestly it’s a breath of fresh air, but at the same time it keeps some elements of her older designs. 10/10

Skyward Sword (White Gown)

It’s just her with a white gown, but the imagery here is as clear as day. She’s meant to resemble Hylia, and in all honesty, I can see it. 9/10

Hyrule Warriors

I like the whole warrior princess design she has in this game, but I do believe it’s not something that would work in the main series. Still perfect for this game. 10/10

Breath of The Wild

Despite her more reserved appearance, this isn’t her royal attire, this is the closest thing she has to a casual appearance. Still it words, primarily because of the blue, and the fact that the outfit itself feels less like something a princess would wear and more like something a researcher would slap on, and considering Zelda usually represents Wisdom and the fact that she’s a complete autistic geek in this part of the timeline, it’s fitting. Instant 10/10

Breath of The Wild (Royal Attire)

Her royal attire is perfect. The royal blue, the tiara, and the fact that it keeps elements of her main design while altering them to fit better with the fact that she IS in her “princess clothes” is great. Another Instant 10/10

Breath of The Wild (Cerimonial Robes)

The pure white dress, combined with the gold are perfect. It’s basically an upgraded version of Skyward Sword Zelda’s alternate attire, and I’m all for it. Yet another instant 10/10

Tears of The Kingdom

Not really much has changed, aside from the fact that she got a haircut and bought a hood. Still a 10/10

Tears of The Kingdom (Zonai Outfit)

I like the green on the dress, but if I’m being honest, Zelda, honey this attire is weaker than your other ones. 9/10

#princess zelda #zelda #the legend of zelda #legend of zelda #a link to the past #a link between worlds #ocarina of time #twilight princess #wind waker #hyrule warriors #breath of the wild #tears of the kingdom #skyward sword #(one behind the mask) mun izunia #ranking

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maspers · 5 months

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Ranking the Miracucast by how well they'd cope with receiving a phone call from Marinette at 3 in the morning

Marinette: No, she's not exempt from this. She was most likely already awake, and knows that regardless of circumstance if another her is calling something Serious is happening and she will deal with it accordingly. But she would not be happy about it. 4/10

Alya: This poor girl puts up with so many late night Marinette phone calls. She is exhausted. But she takes it like a champ and routinely provides the support Marinette needs. It ain't much, but it's honest work. Someone please help her. 9/10

Adrien: Yes. 10/10

Nino: I can see Nino being quite the morning person. He would answer the phone and thoughtfully listen to what's going on. Then he would have absolutely no idea how to proceed from there. If Marinette is just calling to get some more Miraculous Muscle that's great, but if it's a problem that needs more brainpower then there will be issues. 6/10

Chloe: She needs her beauty sleep. If Marinette were to interrupt that sleep, the phone is going out the window. Screaming will be involved. Of course, knowing Marinette, Ladybug or Chat Noir is standing right outside to catch said phone to use in conjunction with a Lucky Charm to beat a supervillain or something. Ladybug knows what she's doing by now. 1/10

Sabrina: Would answer the phone thinking it was Chloe. Would be surprised to hear Marinette's voice instead. Sabrina is always eager to please, and would try to help... but most likely that help involves getting Chloe to do something. We will honor your sacrifice, Sabrina. 4/10

Mylene: For some reason I can picture Mylene being Absolutely Down to help Marinette hide a body, and would have the bag and shovel ready right as she answers the phone. I don't have any explanation for this. I really don't. I just feel in my heart it's correct? Mylene doesn't *want* there to be corpses to bury, and would sigh in relief when Marinette confirms she's calling for other reasons. But like. This still feels right. 7/10

Ivan: I don't want to say Ivan sleeps like a rock, but I think he sleeps like a rock. Sorry Marinette, that phone is NOT being answered. 0/10

Rose: Has custom ringtones for all of her friends and catapults out of bed the moment she hears any of those ringtones. Rose will immediately do everything in her power to help any of her friends at any time of day or night. Because that's what friends do. When Marinette asks her to do something oddly specific, she will do it without question and will assume it's Adrien related. She may or may not be right. 8/10

Juleka: Was already awake. May or not be aware of the passage of time. Her ability to function probably increases as the sunlight disappears, if we're being honest, so Marinette will be unnerved by this significantly more cheerful Juleka. This may or may not have an adverse effect on whatever Marinette was planning. 8/10

Kim: He will answer the phone before fully waking up. He will agree to anything Marinette says. He will say "okay, I got it" and then Marinette will hang up and Kim will finish waking up and he will have no idea what he's supposed to be doing. 2/10

Max: Marinette will be very frustrated with Max's auto-responder. Max would be happy to help, but Marinette can't figure out how to navigate all the weird options ("If you need help, press 2, if you need help with aliens, press 3, if you need help with homework, press 4, and if you need help with-") so it'll probably be a half an hour before he realizes he's being called. 3/10

Alix: Before receiving the Rabbit Miraculous, she would answer the phone and provide assistance with copious amounts of sarcastic remarks. Now that she has the Rabbit Miraculous, she gets her significantly more well-rested future self to answer the phone instead. And provide assistance with copious amounts of sarcastic remarks. Alix/10

Nathaniel: While he may not be crushing on her anymore, Nath would still be very eager to help Marinette. Unfortunately he is probably very tired and operating with a less-than-even temper so there will be problems. 4/10

Lila: The entire situation would be hilarious. She would not expect a call from Marinette this early in the morning, and would engage in Death Note-style mental gymnastics to try and figure out Marinette's goal. Does she need help? Why is she calling me if she needs help? Does she need something from me? She knows I would never help her, right? Or is she expecting me to not help and is just calling to brag that I'm not needed? Or, wait, um- Add this to the fact that she's probably very tired and not fully awake means her brain would probably short-circuit and she'd end up helping Marinette out before her thought process can catch up. 5/10

Luka: Oh, Luka, you poor, poor, boy. Marinette is not the only one who comes to you for late night therapy. So many people seek out your assistance at odd times and places, and you will ALWAYS help. You can function, and you do your best, but internally you're just a regular guy who's trying REALLY REALLY HARD to be cool and dependable. You desperately need a break, Luka. But for now I'll give you the credit you deserve. 10/10

Kagami: Her mother keeps her on a very rigid sleep schedule, so naturally she jumps at the chance to be more of a rebel and help Marinette out. Things will get broken. Even if Marinette just wanted to ask Kagami a question, there will still be property damage. 6/10

Marc: There is absolutely no way that Marc can function at all at 3 in the morning. He has been up all night writing, sustained entirely by caffeine and hyperfixation. His brain is starting to collapse from the stress and he can no longer tell fiction from reality any more. He would still try to help Marinette if she called him, but she's learned by now to just let him sleep for the sake of his health. -5/10, but like in a good way

Ondine: Probably wakes up at around this time anyway depending on which sports season it is. She can help just fine, but since she and Marinette aren't that close the chance that Ondine can assist with anything really important is low. 5/10

Aurore:

"Marinette Dupain-Cheng? Why on earth are you calling me this early?" "I need help." "What? I barely know you!" "I'm going to blackmail Alec Cataldi." "...I'm listening."

4/10

Felix: Look you just know he has the weirdest sleep schedule. He's either basically dead to the world or fully functioning without issue. He will help Marinette, though he might need to be coerced. 7/10

Zoe: She will do literally anything that Marinette asks her to. Marinette will feel very guilty about this. 9/10

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turbulentscrawl · 5 months

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Most-to-Least Protective: Survivor Guys

I had less time to write before work today, but some good inspo so I whipped up this example for the ranking requests I take! For this one I just used the ten who came to mind and who im probably most familiar with

This is meant in general terms, not just for in Matches. The primary situations I considered for this are heated arguments, physical altercations, and near-death experiences. The ranking considers their responses to these situations, as well as how strong their protective feelings are.

MOST 🔻

Naib would do just about anything in defense of a loved one. Argue, fight, kill, anything. It’s not like he hasn’t done it all before anyway. Naib refuses to lose anyone else, it’s not even an option to him. If someone tried to make it happen anyway? He’s enraged beyond giving his usual mercy of a quick death. He’s gonna make it hurt.

Andrew is not super likely to argue on your behalf, unless you count cussing someone out as “arguing.” In which case it’s like 50/50. He’s more willing to step in physically. He doesn’t want to be a glorified meat-shield, but if your life were in danger he would 100% crack someone over the head with his shovel. He won’t intentionally kill someone for you but it may happen, depending on how that shovel lands. He won’t feel bad about it either way. He’s already an angry guy, and it’s even more intense when you’re in danger.

Kevin would initiate an argument on your behalf. Also very willing to throw hands on your behalf and doesn’t care if he gets hurt. He really doesn’t want to kill anyone, but if there’s no other choice he will. Your safety as his loved one comes before anyone else’s, even his own. Surprisingly, he becomes more level-headed and calculating as the danger to you increases. In other words, he’s at his most emotional in a verbal argument.

Norton mostly trusts you to handle your own issues, but if you’re obviously uncomfortable or intimidated he’ll place himself between you and the threat. Might get into a fight for you if it were serious, but his preferred way to handle things would be dealing petty revenge behind the scenes. (or, during a personality flip, violent revenge.) He would kill someone for you if there was no other way. His feelings are more intense than his actions normally suggest, but he’s concerned about going too far like he did in the mining accident.

William is a large, strong guy, who’s very rough in his sports but not so much outside them. He’ll gladly speak up for you if someone’s being a jerk, but he may or may not make the best arguments. He’s happy to be your shield and willing to throw a punch or two if someone else strikes first but, again, he’d rather wrap things up before getting to that point. If he had to, he’d probably kill to protect you, but it would haunt him for the rest of his life. He’s very hot-headed in regards to your safety.

If Victor is one thing, it’s brave. He’s not likely to speak on your behalf, or try to hurt someone for you, but he’s more than willing to place himself in harm’s way if it means he has even a chance of getting you out of it. He always lingers close by if there’s tension in the air so he can pull you behind him at a moment’s notice.

Luca is very likely to step into an argument on your behalf—though in his case it’s more him trying to end the argument rather than engage it. He’s willing to step into danger to guide you out of it, but not to attempt violence. Not because he doesn’t care, but because he knows he’s too weak to be helpful in that way. He’s quite calm up until your life is in immediate danger, at which point he would beg his more-capable friends to save you.

Aesop is not protective in the moment at all. He won’t step in to argue or fight for you, and isn’t very likely to step into life-threatening danger, either. His self-appointed role is healing and comforting you after the fact. And, secretly, plotting revenge. No one ever suspects Aesop as being the type to hold a grudge. But I stand by what I said in his general HCs: if we go by canon, he’s easily one of the most dangerous people in the manor.

Edgar is pretty unhelpful. Listen, listen…you’re supposed to be the tough cookie in this relationship. Edgar has venom for days; he’ll run his mouth off if you want him to, sure, but he’s not throwing himself into danger just because you can’t handle it. If you almost die…well, you’re one of the few things he cares about anymore, so the line must be drawn. If they’re within reach, the culprit ought to watch their backs for a while. And maybe not eat or drink anything they didn’t prepare themselves.

Joker is a lot like Aesop, but there’s like a 90% chance of it being without the revenge bit. He does, in fact, hold grudges, but he’s still not likely to attempt anything against someone. If they did something really horrible to you he’ll look into whatever form of public justice can be dealt to them, even if that just means trying to rally the other members of the manor into shunning them. Unlike Aesop, he’s somewhat likely to try to stop a verbal altercation, but he’s not very assertive and ends up not being much help.

LEAST 🔺

#idv x reader #identity v x reader #weeping clown x reader #edgar valden x reader #norton campbell x reader #aesop carl x reader #naib subedar x reader #luca balsa x reader #victor grantz x reader #andrew kreiss x reader #kevin ayuso x reader #william ellis x reader #turbulentscrawl #ranking

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theymademesignup08 · 3 months

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Ranking the hunger games movies! (None of them are bad, I’m just biased)

5. Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes-

I really like this one and how it gave us more history of the world, and it also gave us Lucy Gray and Tirgris which is a blessing. It just feels really lifeless and like it wants to be done as quickly as possible despite it being almost three hours long. Rewatching it a second time was rough and I don’t think I would ever watch it by myself.

4. Mockingjay part 1-

Out of the main four movies this one is probably the weakest which is saying something because it still has it’s iconic moments but other than those moments you sort of just forget what happens in between them Jenifer Lawrence and Josh Hutcherson’s acting in this one is crazy.

3. Mockingjay part 2-

I really like how intense it is. Again it’s hard to remember stuff about this movie but compared to part 1 it’s a lot more exciting and has a lot more substance. Just thinking about the ending will always make me cry.

2- The Hunger Games

Where the other movies feel like just a very big sci-fi action movie this one feels a lot more human. The tone in this one is a lot more somber and it really shows the helplessness of the world. The riots in district 11 after Rue’s death is probably the most powerful and heartbreaking part of the series.

1- Catching Fire (wow I’m so different, no one has ever had this opinion before)

Every part of the world is at it’s best in this movie. The characters that they introduce like Finnick and Johanna are some of the best characters in the series from Katniss and Peeta’s relationship to the cliffhanger ending everything about this movie is just *chefs kiss*

#the hunger games #thg #the ballad of songbirds and snakes #tbosas #mockingjay part 1 #mockingjay part 2 #catching fire #katniss everdeen #peeta mellark #finnick odair #johanna mason #lucy gray baird #tigris snow #coriolanus snow #everlark #ranking #hunger games ranking #text post

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lovelybee666 · 3 months

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While I'm writing requests, I started to make a ranking of how dangerous each yandere Smiling Critters are! Because? Because I fucking felt like it(I hesitate to count this as a hcs because I'm just doing a little ranking with an explanation of why)

1. Catnap

Do I have to explain it? Bro's got the fucking red gas that he can do whatever shit he wants with and he literally killed all the Smiling Critters by himself, this cat can and will kill for you

2.Bubba

I don't think he's strong like Catnap but he's the smartest of them all and he could easily manipulate you or I don't know, I just think that

3. Craftycorn

Did you hear their dialogues? Well thinking about it, I feel like she could maybe kill people and do some shit so they end up like paint (and this is a silly little scenario) But imagine that she crushes people (I don't even want to know how) to turn them into paintings and with that paint she finishes some drawing she made of you

4. Pickypiggy

Look first she's a pig, second she loves food, three she's a yandere, I easily imagine her eating people or even cooking her so that you eat along with her (obviously she wouldn't tell you that it was a person/toy)

5. Hoppy Hopscotch

I suck at writing for Hoppy but maybe she could lock people up and wait for them to die.

6. Bobby Bearhug

She refuses to kill people (she kill people whether on purpose or unintentionally, probably just hugs them too tight until they die)

7. Kickinchiken

Another one that is difficult for me to write umm...Maybe he just threatens them, although I doubt he kills them.

8. Dogday

I honestly see him incapable of killing or harming someone for you, he loves you and all that but he doesn't plan to harm someone or even want to steal something from you, he's too good😞 not really, he's a yandere for a reason duh but you get my point, right?

I honestly suck at rankings

#catnap #dogday #hoppy hopscotch #kickinchiken #bobby bearhug #Pickypiggy #craftycorn #yandere #ranking #does this count has hcs?#poppy playtime

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missunsympathetic · 1 month

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Die ultimative "Boerne gets hurt" Liste

Es ist soweit, die Liste, nach der keiner gefragt hat, wir aber alle brauchen.

Wir alle wissen ja, wie oft sich unser aller Lieblingsrechtsmediziner in Gefahr begibt, und wie knapp das eine oder andere Ereignis dann doch mal ausgeht. Ereignisse, die für viel hurt/comfort, angst und allerlei andere Fanfictions gesorgt haben.

Während meines rewatch Marathons habe ich es mir nun zur Aufgabe gemacht, die überdurchschnittlich häufige incident Rate des Professors mal für uns alle festzuhalten. Und weil manche Ereignisse natürlich traumatischer sind als andere, und wir hier natürlich stets wissenschaftlich arbeiten, habe ich das Ganze mal in drei Kategorien eingeteilt. Die Ereignisse innerhalb der Kategorien folgen jedoch keinem festen Ranking. Und natürlich gilt, für alle, die noch nicht jede Folge gesehen haben:

!! SPOILERWARNUNG !!

Doch nun, ohne ausschweifendes Geplänkel:

die Liste

Kategorie 1 - very hurt (klassifiziert als großes Ereignis oder eine Reihe von Ereignissen welche im Narrativ der Folge als sehr dramatisch behandelt werden und häufig auch Konsequenzen für andere Personen haben)

Limbus (-> Nahtoderfahrung durch einen schweren Autounfall, Vergiftung im Krankenhaus und davor, muss wiederbelebt werden, steht wirklich ganz kurz davor zu sterben)

Feierstunde (-> Nahtoderfahrung durch Vergiftung, Geiselnahme auf seine Kosten, steht wirklich ganz kurz davor zu sterben)

Gott ist auch nur ein Mensch (-> Geiselnahme mit Waffe, gefesselt und geknebelt, wird vom Geiselnehmer als Opfer ausgewählt, Rettung gerade noch bevor was Schlimmeres passieren kann)

Hinkebein (-> Waffe in den Mund und danach an Stuhl gefesselt, am Ende nochmal Geiselnahme mit Waffe durch andere Person)

Eine Leiche zu viel (-> niedergeschlagen und an Stuhl gefesselt, anschließend mit tödlicher Spritze bedroht)

Die chinesische Prinzessin (-> fast an einer Überdosis Kokain gestorben, einen Mord angehängt bekommen, in der JVA geschlagen wurden)

Kategorie 2 - moderately hurt (klassifiziert als mittelgroßes Ereignis, welches im Narrativ der Folge oft als teilweise dramatisch, teilweise humoristisch behandelt wird und manchmal auch Konsequenzen für andere Personen hat)

Propheteus (-> Geiselnahme am Anfang, niedergeschlagen später in der Folge)

Mörderspiele (-> wird mit einem Gewehr gejagt, wird indirekt bedroht und springt dann aus einem Fenster um zu flüchten)

Ruhe Sanft (-> wird von ein paar Teenagern gekidnapped und außerdem am Ende von Thiel mit Handschellen und Knebel in den Urlaub entführt)

Krumme Hunde (-> niedergeschlagen und ins eigene Kühlfach gepackt, außerdem die Szene in der Thiel ihn mit der Waffe bedroht weil er ihn für einen Einbrecher hält was einfach objektiv sehr hot war)

Tempelräuber (-> wird mit dem Auto angefahren und bricht sich beide Arme)

Unter G��rtnern (-> wird mit einer Schere an der Kehle bedroht)

Kategorie 3 - mildly hurt (klassifiziert als kleines Ereignis, welches im Narrativ der Folge eine geringe Rolle spielt und keine Konsequenzen für andere Personen hat)

Ein Freund, ein guter Freund (-> wird mit Kabelbinder an die Heizung gefesselt)

Satisfaktion (-> bekommt einen Hieb mit dem Säbel ab und muss mit 12 Stichen genäht werden)

Schlangengrube (-> wird in der Wohnung des Opfers niedergeschlagen, wird kurz aus Versehen im Kühlraum eingeschlossen)

Summ Summ Summ (-> wird in der Dampfsauna eingesperrt, war aber nicht direkt gegen ihn gerichtet)

Der dunkle Fleck (-> bekommt von Thiel seinen Zahn ausgeschlagen, wird ganz kurz in Brand gesteckt)

Es lebe der König (-> wird von Thiel am Ende aus Spaß in einen Käfig eingesperrt weil er seinen Bart beleidigt hat)

Höllenfahrt (-> wird mit einer Eisenstange niedergeschlagen)

Lakritz (-> Grenzfall: die Lakritz Szene spielt in der Vergangenheit und der Hurt ist eher emotional als physisch, wollte es aber trotzdem mit rein nehmen)

Damit kommen wir auf eine Anzahl von 20/45 Episoden, in denen Boerne irgendwas passiert. Das sind 44,4%, also in etwas weniger als jeder zweiten Folge bekommt der Professor was auf den Deckel. Und dafür, und für all die schönen Szenen die sich daraus ergeben, lieben wir doch unseren Münster Tatort ❤️

~ solltet ihr der Meinung sein, dass ich irgendwas vergessen habe, dann gerne Bescheid sagen! ~

#tatort münster #tatort #karl friedrich boerne #frank thiel #boerne #thiel #boerne gets hurt #ranking

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mashand · 2 months

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Is just me or am I escaping from my problems

#sonic the hedgehog #sonic memes #funny #sth #sth meme #cityscape #sa2 #sonic adventure 2 #sonic adventure battle 2 #based #ranking #gun truck #why #im good

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jackie-q · 30 days

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⭐️Ages and Rankings⭐️ Damian 10 (baby) Tim 16 (baby) Duke 16 (kiddo) Steph 17 (kiddo and sometimes young lady) Jason 19 (baby and also young man) Cass 19 (certified baby) Dick 25 (young man but also kiddo) Barbara 26 (young lady + SPECIAL RANKING: ma’am) Bruce: Dad Age Alfred: Butler Age

#batfam #bruce wayne #alfred pennyworth #barbara gordon #dick grayson #cassandra cain #jason todd #stephanie brown #duke thomas #tim drake #damian wayne #ages #ranking #incorrect quotes #sorta?

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boy-in-the-stars · 3 months

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The Seven Evil Exes: Would I date them?

Ranked by a professional man lover and woman respecter

I will be ranking from least dateable to most dateable (personality, looks, et cetera). These are only my opinions pls do not hate bro.

7. Gideon Graves (Gordon Goose)

He is a textbook male manipulator. I do not trust him with any of my emotions. I do not like him. He would literally chip me. ew ew ew.

6 and 5. The Twins

I literally have no opinions on them. I’m pretty sure they’re pedos tho so i’m not into that.

4. Matthew Patel

I just don’t find him attractive. He is quite dorky and I go for a more sophisticated man- ykwim (Wallace Wells). I do appreciate his love for the theatre and beating people up, this is always good in a man. I appreciate a thespian from time to time. I just don’t see myself dating him now- maybe when I was 12 and discord dating was a thing.

3. Roxie Richter

I may be gay but I know an attractive woman when I see one. She would treat me right and I would treat her right. 10/10 woman, Ramona did her dirty. Let’s go lesbians.

2. Lucas Lee

First of all he’s really hot. Also he’s funny. I like a himbo. I enjoy a good himbo. I suspect he would treat me like shit but it’s fine. He’s hot.

1. Todd Ingram

He is literally so fine. I love a man who plays an instrument. He would be obsessed with me. He also has a nice personality, and I like the whole aesthetic he has going on bro. I just really appreciate him.

#scott pilgram takes off #seven evil exes #7 evil exes #7 exes #matthew patel #gideon graves #gordon goose #todd ingram #roxie richter #lucas lee #twins #idk what their names are #ranking #scott pilgrim vs the world #scott pilgrim

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professor-sandalo-fakemonblog · 2 months

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Hey, all trainers, professors, gym leaders, even team leaders, send me pictures of your most babiest Pokemon and I will rate them on the level of baby they are based on: size, cuteness, goodestness, and silliness

#pokemon professor #rotomblr #pokeblr #fakemon #pokemon irl #pkmn irl #pokemon #ranking #pokemon ranking

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three-penguins-in-a-trench-coat · 9 months

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Ranking Stardew NPCs by how likely they are to commit a felony

The Dwarf. Upon entering custody of the CIA, his only public statement was “It was just a prank bro.”

Sandy. She definitely has a shady past, why else would she change her name and work in the desert? My bet is she killed 14 men and was a professional con artist.

Morris. Profits is profits. If he has to enslave a work force to get that bigger payday, there is nothing stopping him.

Leo. Doesn’t know what laws are, would commit grand larceny on a regular occurrence.

Mr Qi. Sometimes you have to do the wrong thing for the right reason. He would know what those reasons are, but no one else would.

Shane. If his alcoholism went any further, then perhaps something may have gone wrong. He would regret it immensely, but it doesn’t change the fact that it happened

Kent. He would do anything to protect his family.

Maru. Experiment gone wrong. Dozens wounded, possible fatalities.

Clint. 20 dollars is 20 dollars

Haley. Does being an asshole count?

Marnie. I think she would rather take her own life than hurt someone else's

Penny. Penny would never commit a crime. She wouldn’t take a dollar if it was laying on the ground.

#stardew valley #stardew #stv #ranking #stv dwarf #stardew dwarf #sdv sandy #sdv morris #sdv mr qi #sdv leo #sdv shane #sdv kent #sdv maru #sdv clint #sdv haley #sdv marnie #sdv penny

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izunias-meme-hole · 1 year

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Ganondorf Designs Ranked

(Part 2 here)

Ocarina of Time (Young)

I like the outfit a lot. It compliments his buff body, the armor acts as protection, and some parts of it allow Ganondorf to be more mobile, which if fitting since he’s a theif. Also the Gerudo markings on it complement the outfit very well. However the head seems… off, mostly the hairline. Ah well we only see him with this design three times in the game anyway. 9/10

Ocarina of Time (Timeskip)

AH NOW THAT’S BETTER BY A LONG SHOT! The cape and newer headpiece makes the rest of his outfit seem more regal, while the yellow eyes make him look more demonic! Not to mention his head got fixed! His ears even got pointier in the actual game to further emphasize on how Ganon changed into a demon king! Also, can we please point out the long slicked back red mullet he has? 10/10

Wind Waker

His armor got traded in for some regal robes, he’s still built like a tank, his eyebrows are smaller, and overall he seems less of an open menace compared to before. It’s more subtle now, which is fitting, since Ganon is a defeated king trying to revive his dead empire and restore Hyrule, just to take it over. I also really like the face shape he has. 10/10

Twilight Princess

Regal, powerful, and commanding. Fitting for who Ganondorf it, but WHY is his hair curlled up? WHY can’t his locks flow in the wind? Still, Smash resued this design for a reason. 10/10

Hyrule Warriors

I miss the cape, the Gerudo markings and the black armor on the Twilight Princess design, but DAAMN this is a glow up. The longer hair, and the golden gauntlets make this design for Ganondorf more regal than the Twilight Princess design, and helps it embody a lot more of Ganondorf’s traits. 10/10

Super Smash Bros. Melee

I’m sorry, but the face somehow looks uglier than the OG Young Ganondorf. I like the realistic textures, but a lot about this design feels off. 7/10

Super Smash Bros. Ultimate

This is the Young Ganondorf design with the face shape, headpiece, and cape of the timeskip design. AND IT WORKS. Also the addition of more black and grey on the outfit makes this design as good as the original GOOD OOT Ganondorf design. 10/10

Tears of The Kingdom

A true tribute to a lot of Ganon’s past designs, and he looks more in touch with his Gerudo heritage than before. Also, I like the Wind Waker inspired face shape, the long red hair, and the samurai look. 10/10

Mummydorf (TOLK)

He has the same outfit as his hydrated self, except it’s all torn up. His hair is longer too, and he looks gaunt as hell. Still this was a creepy as hell appearance. 10/10

Demon King Ganondorf

This design embodies what Demise was, but at its core it’s still pretty much Ganondorf. The horns, water-like hair, yellow and black eyes, and gloom/malice robe that’s merged onto his skin all look demonic, but every other feature he had cement that it’s still Ganondorf. 10/10

#ganondorf #ganon #the legend of zelda #legend of zelda #ocarina of time #wind waker #hyrule warriors #twilight princess #tears of the kingdom #super smash bros #(one behind the mask) Mun Izunia #Izunia speaks #ramblings #ranking #//Had to get this off my chest

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