#not many of the songs from those years have stuck with me though. i just thought the overall quality of the show and the songs was better | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

murfpersonalblog · 1 day

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IWTV S2 Ep3 Musings - Loumand

Last post, I promise; I needed another nap; this ep's a freaking rollercoaster. And these two queens nearly gave me a stress ulcer!

DEBATABLE, Louis. I can think of FAR worse vamps than you, love.

Why're y'all having this whole conversation where anyone can hear?

They got Sartre's wall-eyes down; good makeup this season, team! 👌

DreamStat's a Loumand bed-death truther, jfc. 😭

I wanna know EXACTLY what Armand sees--or "feels"--whenever DreamStat pops up in Lou's head. Cuz he clearly knows precisely where Les is; he looks right in his direction. But does he HEAR Les too? (God I hope not, this song would've had me SEETHING--Back to Hell with you! 😅)

"Oh dear" indeed; I was HOLLERING.

SAM WAS DEVOURING THIS SCENE HOLY GOD GO AWAY DEMON

Armand looked PISSED, I was scared for Louis' life! And he DOES know, actually, yes Lou. I can almost GUARANTEE that he knows PRECISELY where Lestat is AT THIS VERY MOMENT, yes Lou.

If only you knew.... 😬

Claudia's suffered more than Christ. And nice cut to Daniel sneaking around with Raglan James as Armand talks about Furies punishing "human wrongdoing." It's really interesting that Armand told the lawyer that LOUIS is the owner of the paintings. Is he the owner of the penthouse too? HOW MANY DEEDS DOES HE HAVE, ROLIN?

I wonder what AMC might be saying about Loumand's art collection, not just wrt what we know about art heist!Armand (which we'll likely see a nod to in Ep4 at the Louvre); but also wrt what we know about Dubai's godawful neocapitalist hellscape economy, and Loumand's "moralizing" about Parisian black markets in S01E02.

I wonder if that's the excuse Armand'll give the coven when Louis shows up for dinner in Ep4--very much NOT dead; and rips out Santiago's tongue.

WILD voice-over, cuz you KNOW that's what Santiago was thinking, too, LOL. (You wish, Francis.) But yes: Louis' finna end your whole career. XD

Another TERRIFYING jumpscare from the coven, like in Ep2 with Annika. Louis, I am shocked & appalled--can you not HEAR all these vamps planning your bloody murder around you? CLAUDIA! WTF!?

But this is how you know Armand's true personality--he hates getting his hands dirty. He kills all the time, but he makes his victims' deaths pretty. He'd rather sit back & let Lestat/Louis come in and wreck his whole coven, even though he has the power to just light those mofos up all on his own! I wish AMC emphasized a bit more that Armand not only writes/directs the plays--he's an ACTOR, too. And istg he's an expert at PRETENDING to be helpless, meanwhile he's the strongest vamp that's NOT one of the Children of the Millennia (thanks to how well Marius made him).

Armand, that is LOW; waiting until Claudia's stuck under the oaths b4 you tell her she's guilty of breaking Great Laws she doesn't even know about yet. WTF?

How TF you gon' hold Louis accountable for following the Laws when he wasn't even allowed to be in the effing room when they were read!? He's not even a member! WTF! (I get it--any rogue vampires are subject to death, yadayada; we know it's a stupid policy.)

I love how he plans to leave by himself here--it had nothing to do with picking "another one" over Claudia. He just didn't want to hold her back anymore. And his presence was causing problems. 😭 It's so cute that Louis' stipulation about London was that if it's "too large" he'd leave and go to Ireland (?!?)--he's become agoraphobic or something? He just wants to be alone in his hermit hole--MOOD. 😭

Good to get confirmation that the Fire Gift here is Armand and blessedly NOT Santiago--so why's he zooming around in the sewers?

Look, sometimes folks make terrible first impressions--Lestat was being hella racist, Louis' always playing defense, Armand was finna kill Louis in a gay public park. It happens.

Foreshadowing like crazy, as usual.

WILD thing to say. I'm gonna cry, please stop.

(What kinda hypocrisy is that, when you were made young your dang self!?) She's already 30+ years old--maybe she'll last a little longer if y'all (read: sexist, racist, ageist, ableist, etc society) don't eff around tryna make her life even harder! But AMC's deliberately cutting Claudia's life in half, compared to the books, cuz misogynoir's real and Claudia gets NOTHING out of vampirism, not even a fair chance. And y'all let her into the coven KNOWING how much she loves y'all, and KNOWING y'all were gonna kill her. EFF THIS WHOLE COVEN, ARMAND INCLUDED. (Lemme calm down--this kind of betrayal is exactly how Lestat must've felt in S01E07; I get it; they're getting a taste of their own medicine. But LESTAT EFFING HAD IT COMING. The coven should've just told them: y'all got til sunrise to GTFO our territory, you're not welcome here. This whole bit's unnecessary.)

THE PARALLELS ARE PARALLELING

SKILL ISSUE. Cuz Louis' got the least power, and he's finna clear that whole bish out in just a couple episodes. 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

Louis, love, ARMAND DON'T GIVE A EFF ABOUT RAISING SOME OTHER MAN'S OFFSPRING. This is the call of the wild, as Alphas KILL the children their stolen Omega brides had for other Alphas/Betas, so he can restart the gene pool with HIS DNA instead. I know y'all had National Geographic back then already--READ A BOOK, Louis, it's what you're best at.

Incredible. After all of that Louis said Lestat never broke him. BENT BUT NEVER BROKEN, that's right! 💪😤

Boy, we're not talking about some little (unrequited) CRUSH over a man you only knew for a few months (which you've CLEARLY not gotten over yet). Louis was MARRIED to the man for 30 YEARS. This is his MAKER. Lestat knew his whole family; went to the Black cookouts and everything! They literally built a home AND business together! They raised a child together! WHATCHU KNOW ABOUT THAT!?

And that's LESTAT'S DAUGHTER TOO--how much can you possibly love EITHER of them while planning to knock her off!? I can't listen to too much more of this. *hands Louis the torch and scythe*

Beautiful end of this STACKED episode. Incredible work, AMC! Jacob acted his PANTS off; he excels at the trembling voice, agonized facial expressions, and utter mental breakdowns. He's pulling DEEP within him, holy god; it's so raw, it's almost hard to watch. EMMY WHEN?!

#interview with the vampire #loumand #the vampire armand #iwtv tvc metas #must see tv #the hype is real #the feels #THE FEELS I TELL YOU

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theflyingfeeling · 5 months

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I know you didn't ask but you said you don't have enough knowledge about Swedish entries in Swedish so I couldn't hold back I'm so sorry

These are some of my faves, please give a listen if you have time, I'd live to hear your opinions 🥰

1985: Kikki Danielsson - Bra vibrationer (80's was so fun can we go back pls) 1992: Carola - Fångad av en stormvind (currently my favourite Swedish winner) 1993: Arvingarna - Eloise (one of those songs I heard a lot in my childhood and only later learned it was an Esc entry) 1996: One More Time - Den Vilda (huge favourite among Esc fans and for a good reason) plus this Swedish version which they then translated to English for Eurovision (cowards), possibly my favourite Swedish entry of all time: 2000: Roger Pontare - När Vindarna viskar mitt namn

and for bonus round my favourite Melfest entry that didn't win: 2015: Jon Henrik Fjällgren - Jag Är Fri

Ooooooh nice nice nice let's see 👀

Bra vibrationer - Love the vibes of this one! This put me on a much better mood after the busy/tiring day I've had; good vibrations indeed 😍 In love with her pink blazer as well 💖

Fångad av en stormvind - Cute as heck!! Also, Carola is an incredible singer 💗_💗

Eloise - Fucking hell, this slaps so hard?!?! Why have y'all been hiding this from me 😭 The singer is so charismatic although all he did was stand still?! He sings so effortlessly and the song is SUPER catchy, it's giving me The Beatles vibes. I wish we had more genuinely great songs like this in the ESC these days (there's so much focus on the show nowadays that you sort of forget it's...a song contest, after all)

Den Vilda - This was so...pleasant? 🥺 Like, everything was perfectly in place and there wasn't too much of anything, yet it was incerdibly captivating (i.e. not boring in the slightest). Gives me Disney song vibes in a way (possibly because of the orchestral elements in the performance)

När Vindarna Viskar Mitt Namn - Okay this is just so cool and I decided I don't even need the English version in my life. Love the surprise modulation in the end

Jag Är Fri - This is so beautiful 😭 I actually have the world's vaguest memory of watching Melodifestivalen that year and being mad that *entry This And This* didn't win instead of Måns 💀 It might have been this particular entry even, the name rings a bell at least 🤔

Thank you so much for this!! I saw this ask in the morning and waited the whole day to be back at home so I could listen to these songs and it was just the perfect way to wind up a little after the day I've had. These were all such great songs and I'm not just saying that, I genuinely loved these 🥺🫶

#fun fact: for years i would rather watch melodifestivalen than our own eurovision qualification #because the quality of the latter was somewhat...🤡#not many of the songs from those years have stuck with me though. i just thought the overall quality of the show and the songs was better #objectively speaking #eric saade fangirl over here lol 👋#because-its-eurovision #answered asks

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ferrstappen · 1 year

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loving him is red l Charles Leclerc Imagine

a/n: it’s been YEARS since I've written something but I have too many ideas and time so I'll give it a try again <3 any feedback is appreciated and than you for reading <3

also, of course the only song I could think of is Red by Taylor Swift (taylor’s version ofc)... I mean... how could I not?

genre: fluff.

Pairing: Charles Leclerc x female singer!reader.

summary: Charles’ girlfriend receives her first Grammy for Song of the Year, sadly enough the inspiration behind the song isn’t able to make it to the ceremony.

“This feels so wrong, I should be there to support you... You’re always here for races and shit” Charles said while watching her get ready on a fancy hotel room, meanwhile he was stuck in Maranello.

“Please don’t, it’s pre-season and all that, you know they needed you there today. Plus, I'll be home by tomorrow so we can celebrate... or you can console me since I'm probably losing anyway.” (Y/N) quietly said the last part while sipping some expensive sparkling wine her assistant brought to the room.

“You are not losing! Babe, how many times do I need to tell you that?” Charles sounded truly exasperated with his girlfriend, like he truly had told her many many times.

Truth be told, she never thought she would be considerate at all. Yes, her label had submitted her second album and the first single of the record, but they were almost obligated to do so, it was an unspoken rule in the music industry that you just had to do the entire “for your Grammy consideration” portfolio if you wanted to be taken seriously, but (Y/N) never really thought the song she first released from her album would be such a hit.

Honestly, they just were words her heart could think of whenever she saw Charles, because he truly was red... In the way he wore the color so proudly, from the way his car was always a shiny red even when he was driving it in the driest of the deserts, to the way he loved her so passionately, fearlessly and undoubtedly... He was red.

It never made sense to her that millions around the world would mix her lyrics on Ferrari t-shirts or that fans would wait for Charles on the stands with bright red lyrics of the song.

He loved it, by the way. He would flush a bright red whenever someone on the grid teased him about it, pretended he was shy about everyone knowing those words were for him, but his heart would sing a little every single time he listened or read the verses meant for him, just as he would make sure the camera would capture your cute face over FaceTime when he got a podium and you couldn’t be here, or how he made sure to tell you his best joke when you’d arrive to the paddock holding hands, loving the way the photographers captured your laugh and the glint in his eyes just by being the reason of your smile.

He had the superior relationship and he just knew it, and he made sure the rest of the word knew it as well.

“So, are you finally going to show me the dress?” Charles said while putting his headphones on to ignore the world outside of his driver’s room.

She cheekily smiled. “No, not really” She told him, earning a dissatisfied groan from him.

“Then when do you want me to see it? On TV like the rest of the world?” He argued, his accent getting thicker.

“Actually yes, that’s exactly what I was thinking.” (Y/N) was going to keep talking, but her assistant let her know the dress had just arrived and they needed her full attention.

“No, I heard that! You can mute me and I’ll just watch over here!” Charles pleaded, earning a heartily laugh from her girlfriend.

“I’m so sorry, bebé. I have to go, but you can watch me on TV though!”

Charles sighed, unable to hide his grin. “You know I'll be glued, I don’t care about the time or anything,” even through his noise-cancelling headphones he could hear a big commotion outside his room, meaning someone would come knocking on his door soon. He took a deep breath before focusing his eyes on his muse again. “I love you so much, chérie. I’m so proud of you and whatever happens tonight doesn’t change that. Please whatever you need I'll have my phone at all times, I’m capable of stoping the car in the middle of nowhere and you know it,” they both laughed. “I’m right there with you, I love you.”

She repeated the same words over and over again, feeling a bit numb as several people helped her fitting the red Maison Valentino dress to perfection. It was a whirlwind from there, the last glance she took of herself in the mirror was to make sure the small prancing horse shaped stud earrings, a nod to her man watching on tv.

As if writing a Grammy nominated song and almost an entire album about him wasn’t enough...

Her hands couldn’t help the tingling on the palm of her hands, her body knowing she was missing her other half; he always needed to fix his tie or style a stubborn strand of hair, and it always calmed her nerves to take care of him.

Back in Italy, Charles was anxiously watching the TV in front of him, some friends, including Carlos, were sitting around the living room, mindlessly chatting about some of the artists performing on the Grammys, what were the plans for the night, the next Real Madrid game...

But Charles eyes were trained on his girl smiling in front of the TV, feeling giddy as she gracefully walked down the carpet on her silky red dress, eyes shining and smile intoxicating.

The night flew by and Charles swore he could feel your hand squeezing his as they announced the category he had been waiting for. Harry Styles was on the stage with the envelope.

Everything went by so quickly, Charles didn’t notice his friends had shut up and were with their eyes trained on the TV. They all collectively gasped when the brit announced Red by (Y/N) as the song of the year.

Then it was just noise; from the TV, from people cheering on the theatre as she hid her face on the palm on her hands, to the living room where Charles had rose to his feet hugging everyone around him.

To anyone on the outside it would’ve seemed like their country had won the World Cup.

“God, I don’t know how to begin,” She shakily said while holding the gramophone. “I know I’m supposed to say that this is for my fans and my label and everyone who believed in me, and it is but...” She smiled to herself. “This is for you, the inspiration behind every word, every verse, every note. My incredible boyfriend who makes my heart sing and my life happy. They haven’t invented the words to tell you how much I love you,” She could feel tears building on the corner of her eyes, until she saw a stage producer informing she only had ten seconds left to wrap up her speech. “God, just ten seconds? Thank you so much to everyone, Char I love you with my entire heart, and thank you to everyone for this I’ll always have this moment in my heart, even after I’m gone I’m sure this is gonna be engraved. Thank you!”

The camera captured her glistening eyes as she smiled through the lens. Charles had unshed tears as his heart was beating loudly. Only seconds passed until his phone was vibrating with an incoming FaceTime call.

“So... Did you like the red dress?” She joked and he laughed through the unshed proud tears. He never knew he could feel so much pride and love for another person.

He chuckled. “I loved it, and I love you so much words cannot explain. Fuck, how come I wasn’t there?”

Their love was red.

#charles leclerc x reader #charles leclerc fluff #charles leclerc au #charles leclerc imagine #charles leclerc one shot #charles leclerc x you

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r3starttt · 4 months

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Don’t delete the kisses

a/n: I got my inspo from “See You In My 19th Life” also, felt too personal. Basically reader inspired on me lol

Pt 2. | Prt.3 | Prt.4

Warnings: mentions of bullying, suicide, lots of angst and fluff

“I see the signs of a lifetime, you ‘til I die”

You’ve had seventeen lives so far. You’ve been all kinds of people in all kinds of places, and you always remember each one of them. It always happens for different reasons, it could be a smell that reminded you of a perfume, a new dish that apparently you’ve already tried before, a face that felt familiar, a song that made you feel weirdly in love.

At first it was horrifying, it was so confusing and you made so many mistakes. You told people about it. You tried to find your loved ones, tried to approach to them again because your heart still missed them. But eventually you learned to handle it. Eventually the pain of past life losses disappeared and you just learned to ignore your not so nice gift.

You’ve also learned to adapt to every life, which was becoming easier every time because the knowledge, talents and hobbies from every life apparently stayed with you. Maybe it was your soul?

You stopped having complains and learned to value and enjoy everything. You appreciated every mistake you made because it helped you learn for a future life, you enjoyed feeling everything so deeply because it would help you remember the next time you reincarnate, you showed your love for everyone and did everything you wished so you wouldn’t have any regrets. You learned to be positive and take advantage of everything that was offered to you on each life.

Until now.

Ever since you were a child you’ve felt empty. Loved but not enough to fill your heart, admired but feeling like you’re not worth it, with friends that care for you and a lovely family that provides you all you need and all you could ever ask for but feeling like you don’t deserve them. Maybe you were born sad?

It seems like your whole life happened in the blink of an eye. Maybe it’s the sadness that hasn’t allowed you to enjoy this life properly, but where does that come from?

Maybe you’ve got used to sadness so much that you don’t know how to handle it on this life? It’s frustrating, not even all the knowledge in the world, all the abilities you’ve learned and your old soul can handle such feeling. It’s the first thing you’ve been unable to control, ever.

There is a reason why it got out of control though. When you were eleven you were bullied by your whole class, including some professors. And it didn’t matter how much privilege you had, neither you or your parents could do anything about it.

That’s the moment all the lonely, angry and sad in you became overwhelming, the moment you started to believe in god again just to beg him every day to kill you, to let you die.

And even if that was almost ten years ago it still haunts you. The humiliation, the anger, the loneliness. And you can’t handle it, not because you don’t know how to, but because your body doesn’t allow you to.

Your heart always reminds you of it, like it happens with your past lives, there’s always a smell, a word, an action. The way those kids made you feel, they things those adults said to you, the way your parents broke in tears when you first told them, the awkwardness at home whenever they tried to make you talk to them. It all stuck to you forever.

“What if it’s not meant for me? Love”

However there was someone that was worth trying to live. Her name is Ellie, and you’ve been dating her for some years now.

She’s your childhood best friend, the person you trust the most on this world and the only one that doesn’t make you feel overwhelmed. Your girlfriend and the lover you’ve feel more connected to or all your lives.

“Do you believe in soulmates?” You’re both laying on her bed, staring at the ceiling and talking about random stuff, whatever goes trough your minds “Or…. reincarnation”

“None of them, do you?” you could see her moving her head towards you from the corner of your eye “Yeah, I’d like us to be soulmates and find each other on each life” a chuckle came out of Ellie’s mouth “you’re so cheesy ughh” you laughed back, kicking her shoulder with your arm to which she complained.

“I know but, I’ve never loved someone this much el” you turned your head too, smiling at the look of Ellie’s shy smile and and her slightly tainted cheeks “you’ve really saved my life, you know it” Just as those words were spoken, her face changed completely.

“all good?”

You could see the worry on her face, in the way her eyes studied yours and on the pout that slowly appeared. You just sighed back, hesitating a bit and debating if you should tell her the truth or not.

“It’s probably my birthday, I’ll be fine” the reassurment in your voice didn’t seem to convince her, so you spoke again “el, things have been good in the past few years, it’s not gonna change suddenly”

“What if they do?” she’s right, what if they do?

“They won’t, I would already know and I would tell you, I promise” you do know, but you won’t tell her, not now.

“You tell me to get over it and to take you out, but I can’t and I’m too scared. “

You’ve tried to take your life some years ago, before Ellie and you started to date. Honestly, to this day you still don’t know how you managed to not die. It was late at night, right before your birthday, it always makes you feel extremely sad for some reason, you believe is the fear of growing up, of things getting harder.

“And here’s the night bus, I have to go. And the doors are closing and you’re waving”

You’ve had that feeling for over a month. All your healing process falling apart just for your birthday? you still feel ashamed about it. You just took some random blade you’d saved for this moment and started to practically stab your wrists.

All your thoughts mixed with the weirdly feeling of pain and satisfaction and the blood dripping down your arms blinded you, and in the blink of an eye you just loose the balance and fainted.

But you promised yourself that if you didn’t make it back then, you would try it again, no matter what. Or at least you tried to convince yourself.

“What if it’s not meant for me? Love”

“What are you gonna gift me?” you decided to better change the topic before your thoughts could overwhelm any of you “What do you want?” Her hands tangle with yours.

“You haven’t got me anything yet?” a laugh scapes your mouth “I do but…. I don’t know” Ellie loved handmade gifts, however she always does something different for you. “You know I love your gifts el, you can give me a rock and I would admire it forever”

Your hands slowly move from Ellie’s, cupping her face and making her look at you. She’s so pretty, with the light of the sun coming through the window snd hitting her freckles just perfect, making her eyes look shiny too.

“So you want a rock then?” of course she had to make jokes, she can’t handle romantic moments, gets to nervous. You just roll your eyes.

“You know, a perfect gift would be that you stopped using those crusty converse” she immediately groans, pushing your hands away from her face and leaning on her back

“What’s wrong with them?”

“They smell, they’re broken and they’re dirty as fuck because you never clean them”

“They don’t smell! and I glued them recently”

“Ellie, please”

“But don’t call me by my full name”

“I’m not! And I’ve always called you Ellie”

“No you haven’t, you call me El”

“El, please buy some new converse for my birthday”

“And what do I get for doing it?”

“Your girlfriends happiness”

“I think that’s a sign. I’m losing self control and it’s you”

And that’s how you it was for the rest of the day. Ellie pouting every time you teased her but calling you dramatic if you said anything about her teasing you. Also, Ellie suddenly telling you random facts about dinosaurs and space and just random stuff in general.

That was the las time you saw her, until your birthday. She’d come earlier than anyone else to have more time alone with you. It’s not that you had many friends but your family always came too so they’d keep you busy all day.

A day before you were looking through your closet, finding all the cute gifs Ellie had made you, admiring the details of all her drawings and reading the letters. Watching all the Polaroids your mom took of you two, the gift she made for you when she asked you to be her girlfriend, a bracelet she gifted you when you asked her to be her friend, a letter you made for her from when you first fought.

And it made you feel horrible, because the decision was already made, the letters for all the people you cared about were already written and saved in your desk. Your phone was already unlocked so everyone could have access to it, your room was tidy and your closet clean.

You were just waiting for her, for tomorrow, for all your family to be together when you left so it would be hopefully easier to everyone. For everyone to be there and get their letters, for Ellie to not be alone when she got the news, for your parents and your girlfriend to be comforted by each other’s presence.

You went downstairs, looking for Ellie since you heard your parents already speaking with her. They were all siting at the dining room.

It made your heart melt to see you happy she looked the moment she saw you. Her eyes, her pretty nose scrunching a little, her smile widening.

“Can I see my gift already?” Your parents laughed in disbelief, telling you to at lest greet her properly before asking her about a gift.

“Your parents told me you’ll open them later” she chuckled, looking at your parents and then back at you, you did the same.

You stepped closer to her, grabbing her hands and taking her to your room.

“Can you at least tell me what is it? I’ll act surprised I promise”

“A rock”

“Haha so funny el”

You closed the door behind you, watching Ellie sitting on your bed. She just stared at you, with puppy eyes of course. You really hoped you wouldn’t remember this when you reincarnated, or at least that It wouldn’t hurt as much as it does right now.

“What’s that box?” her finger pointed at the box you were just looking trough last night. You walked towards it and took it to the bed, sitting besides Ellie.

“All your gifts” she looked at you in pure shock “This is something I did for you when we were like…. Seven or something, why’d you still have it?”

“My mom saved all this things, it’s cute isn’t?”

“I feel exposed”

“What’s wrong with it? I love all of it”

“Your gift is not gonna fit in here”

“So it’s not a rock and defined not a new pair or converse” your eyes moved towards Ellie’s shoes, she just sighed

“Stop it, you’re the only one that notices them”

“My parents do, my mom asked my why you never changed them” that was a lie, but how could Ellie know?

You did the same thing as last nigh, take a final look to all the gifts that Ellie had made to you, not now with her. You’d made fun of her and she would just frown her eyebrows and eventually pout if she felt really ashamed of it. You’d make her read the letters out loud and ask her about the process of every draw she’d made of you.

“This letter is for me, why didn’t you give it to me?” Now you understood the feeling, karma. “We fought, I decided it was better to apologize in person” her hands leaned the letter towards you, making you read it out loud just as you’d made her do to you.

“January 13 2020” you stopped as she laughed “don’t laugh, you wanted me to read it I’ll read every detail then”

“I’m sorry for whatever I did to make you mad, I’m still not sure what it was- Ellie, you’re such a dramatic person”

“Me? You’re the one that’s dramatic for making a whole letter even though you hate writing just to randomly apologize”

“This just proves how much I love you, shut up”

“Right, keep reading”

“I’m still not sure what it was, but I feel like apologizing because Dina told me how much you’ve been crying and how awful I made you feel-“ you got interrupted by a loud gasp

“Why would Dina told you?” She slapped her hands on her face, groaning “only fucking fake friends these days” you laughed

“Hey don’t say that! I love Dina, she’s the sweetest and I bet she also tells you all I tell her about you, you’re overreacting for something that happened three years ago”

“You speak about me with her?” You nodded

“I want you to know that I’m so fucking grateful for having someone like you in my life. For a long time you were the only one that made me laugh, the only one that made me feel happy and loved and like life was worth it. You’re the reason I keep trying” you could feel the knot of tears forming in your throat, so painful “I feel like you got mad for what I said, but I want you to know that I didn’t mean it in a bad way, I wanted you to know how I truly felt about you and us and my life. I didn’t want to lie to you, I can’t. I was hoping you could understand that I didn’t tell you that before because I was afraid of how would you react, because I care for you snd I don’t want you to get hurt just for my weakness-“

The door of the room got opened after some small knocks were heard. Everyone had got there already. You didn’t realize how long you’ve been in your room with Ellie, totally worth it though.

You just saved the letter in the box again. You’ve purposely let it in your room for Ellie to take a look of it later that day, for her to have something left from you.

You both went downstairs again, Ellie went with your friends and you went to greet each family member, having some small talk with everyone and thanking them for being here.

And the time today felt extremely fast. Maybe this was the first birthday you’ve properly enjoyed, maybe you were excited or anxious, maybe it was the calm you’ve felt for the first time in years, maybe-

“I wanna eat the cake already, can’t you hurry them?” Ellie’s hands positioned around your waist, hugging you from behind and pulling you closer to her. You could see her pretty face resting on your shoulder, staring at you.

“You smell like gummies” you smiled without even realizing, now looking at Ellie. Her lips pressed in yours, the sour and sweet flavor invading your tongue “I ate gummies”.

“There’s tons of food El, why don’t you just eat something that’s not candy? Instead of asking for cake that by the way you won’t get to eat” she pinched your stomach slightly “why won’t I get to eat cake?” “I don’t think there’s enough for everyone

“I deserve it more than them, I’ve been with you, listening to your annoying voice every day” now you pinched her back “shut up or you really won’t get any”

“Do we really have to stay here with everyone? Your grandpa freaks me out” you chuckled “stop being rude to my family” “do we?” “let’s go outside”

And so you walked to the small garden behind your house, sitting on the cold grass with Ellie

“You seem happier this year…. do you feel happier?” you can see her toying with her fingers, staring at them to avoid eye contact “are you worried about me?” your gaze is now focused on your family, inside the house. You can see your friends almost eating each other on the closest window, it makes you laugh.

“The letter…. am I really that important to you?”

“You’re my best friend since forever el, you’re my girlfriend, why wouldn’t you?”

“I don’t know, I thought I didn’t help you at all”

“You do”

You turned around again, facing Ellie. She was picking the grass. How were you supposed to leave her? How were you supposed to ever live without her?

You grabbed her face with your hands, pulling her closer for a kiss. Her lips felt just perfect for yours, her skin was so soft, her face just the right size for your hands to fit, her hair the right strength for you to feel it every time you two kissed. You couldn’t do this to her

You tried to break the kiss, but her hands moved behind your back, pulling you closer to her again and deepening the kiss. You could feel her smile trough the kiss, she’s so fucking pretty.

“I love you Ellie, I’ve always loved you, don’t ever doubt it” she laughs in confusion “I love you too” It was the third time you probably said it out loud, you really wished you would’ve told her sooner.

“I’m electric, a romantic cliché”

“Take this, I was planning on give it to you later but…. I guess it’s the right time” you looked confused at her, she was looking for something on her hoodie pockets. A rock

Maybe you should wait, just a little more, just for her.

The rock was painted with your favorite colors, it was your face. Why is she so lovely? Why can’t her love fill your heart? What’s wrong with you?

She slowly puts it on your hands, studying your face, looking for any reaction. You lean on her, hugging her as both of your bodies fall on the grass. You can’t see her but she’s definitely smiling.

“I can’t imagine a life without you Ellie, don’t ever dear to leave me” she thought you were just being romantic because of the gift, but you mean it, you hope you fin her always and forever. To hopefully have the life you won’t be able to enjoy with her this time.

Her hands rubbing your back, her nose smelling your perfume, nuzzling on your neck “I won’t, I promise”

“Let’s go for the cake, I can hear your stomach” you rest your arms on the grass, positioning each one besides Ellie’s face and giving her another kiss. Her eyes look so pretty.

The sky turns orange as you get inside the house again. You hate this part of the day because it means it’s almost over, and today specially you want everything but the day to end. You hope every smiley face in the house can forgive you for what you’re about to do, you hope they understand.

So now you’re siting in the middle of the table, with everyone you love around you as they sing happy birthday to you. Ellie is sitting besides you, taking pictures of you. And you can only thank her in a small whisper, and thank the universe in your mind for letting her have that picture as her last memory of you.

The minute the song is over everyone claps, watching you turn off the candle. You always wished for happiness, but today you’re just wishing for forgiveness. Your smile is wide, it hurts to lie to everyone there.

Before your mom cuts the cake for you as she usually did, you grab the knife and cut a big slice of cake for Ellie. “Can we open the gifts?” you ask loudly to everyone, knowing that way your parents wouldn’t make you wait more.

Everyone’s eating cake, sitting on the couches in the living room, most men in the room staring up, Ellie sitting besides you on the floor and offering you to open the gifts to “help you” but you know she’s just gossiping.

Whenever you didn’t like a gift you’d look at Ellie and she’s look back at you, like you could communicate with each other just with your eyes. She’d laugh and pass you another gift.

If you did like a gift then she’d take it from you and would stare at every detail of it. She’d separate discreetly the ones you liked from the ones you didn’t, she’d usually keep those or Insist you on selling them online.

However the more gifts you opened the more anxious you got. “Where’s your gift el?” you whispered as your mom passed you another gift, that seemed to be the last one. But it was way to small to be from Ellie “mine goes last, open that one, come on”

And so you did, it was a set of some pink pijamas, and the moment you opened them you turned your face at Ellie, she was already laughing “Shut up”

“Wait, there one more” you heard your mom speaking as she walked to the kitchen. Everyone looked at her, waiting to see what it was.

She returned with a big rectangular canvas. Did she just made a huge fucking painting for me? you thought, looking back at Ellie who seemed clearly nervous.

“I’ll give you the letter later, I didn’t want to get exposed in front of your whole family” she whispers

You take the canvas and turn it around. It was a portrait of a picture she took of you the day she asked you to date. It was so detailed, so colorful and just so right. You showed it proudly to your family. Everyone cheered Ellie and you couldn’t help but smile at the sight of her shy face, her cheeks covered in blush as she looked at her fingers, just as she did whenever she felt nervous. Your friends making fun of Ellie and you for being so “adorable” as you heard them say.

And the rest of the night Ellie just stood close to you, listening to everyone share all the fun memories and stories they had with you. She shared ridiculous things she’d lived with you, making you cover your face ashamed. But also making you laugh as she always did.

And you couldn’t be more grateful at the end of the day because finally, for one whole day you could finally be happy again, you didn’t felt pressured or anxious or sad or overwhelmed at all, and you were with everyone you loved. You could finally go, you were just waiting for living one happy moment in your life before you took such an important decision, and this was it. Today had been all you’ve ever wished for.

So when everyone left and your parents stayed cleaning you could only feel peacefulness overcoming your body. You went to your room and laid on your bed, Ellie was still there. She had to give you her letter and you couldn’t leave without reading it.

The big canvas was already in your room, right next to your bed. You were cuddling her as you read the letter.

“Happy birthday baby. I hope this year can be different, I hope you can get better, I hope you can be happier, and I hope I’m still here every day to see you smile more and more.

I remember starting the painting and regretting immediately because it was gonna take so long and I’m lazy as fuck. But I made it :)

I had to lie to you many times and tell you Joel needed my help with some stuff just so I could finish it, hope you didn’t get mad at it.

I’ve been noticing you off lately, but if I’m honest I’m too scared to ask. But you know you can always tell me anything, I’ll always understand and I’ll always listen, no judgment.

I’m proud of you for making it another year, and I’m the happiest person ever because I have you and I’m watching you try again and again. I know you’ll get better.

I still remember how nervous I was when I asked you to date, I can’t stop thinking about it lately, maybe it’s because of the painting? but I feel the same even after dating you for years, too cliche for you make me feel the butterflies on the stomach, a lot.

I’m glad we’ve got to grow up together, I can’t imagine this life without you. The other day you told me about this, about reincarnation and soulmates, I don’t believe on it, but if it’s real I’ll make sure I’m with you always. I promise.

I can’t wait for your birthday, I wanna see your reaction and I’m containing so much for not telling you already what it is. If you’re reading this then I didn’t regret writing you this or you found it without me noticing like you did last year, don’t do that again pls :(

Anyway, I want you to know that you’re the fucking best, the prettiest girl ever and I love you so fucking much.

Ellie :)”

She saw how you folded the letter, looking at your face for any response “I love you so fucking much too” you moved your head slightly up so you could properly kiss her. You’ve never kissed her so much in one day, you also wished you would.

She stares back at you, with those puppy eyes you love so much, and her dumb smile now a bit shiny due to the kiss.

Her hand moves to your neck, pressing your head on top of her chest. Her other hand moved to the puffy pink blanket that you had in your bed, moving it up to cover both of your bodies. Your hand moves on top of of her tattoo, caressing it softly with your thumb.

And before you realize you two fall asleep, not knowing how your life’s were about to change in less than twenty four hours.

Maybe it was the anxiety coming back but you woke up earlier than usual. You slowly removed Ellie’s arms from yours, placing them over your pillows.

You stood there for some minutes, just staring at her, at her gift next to your bed. Were you being selfish?

You slowly walked towards your desk, picking the letters and placing them on top of it so everyone could see them easily, you also placed your phone on top of them. This was it.

You hated yourself for not waiting for Ellie to leave, for making her see it and be there, but you had waited enough already.

You walked quietly and slowly to the bed, placing Ellie’s letter besides her. Then you walked to the bathroom, locking yourself in it just in case anyone woke up and went to look for you.

You regretted not taking your phone with you, maybe some music would help.

You slowly remove your clothes. You hear the water run. There’s so thoughts on your head right now.

You don’t even realize but the cuts are already there, making the blood run all over the tub and covering your body with it. Your eyes close and the only sound echoing in your ears is your own breathing.

This is nothing like what you’ve done before, this is it.

“Dear loved Ellie. El, Els

I love you so much, don’t ever forget it, don’t ever doubt it. I’m always gonna be with you and I promise, I swear that we’ll meet again. Please read this first before you do anything else. I’m probably not in bed right now, I knew you would stay, don’t panic.

Ever since you know me I’ve been sad, I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I told you how I remember mas past lives when we were younger, remember? and you just laughed at me, but I want you to believe it this time. And I want you to never forget me, I want you to meet me again, in another universe where I’m happy and we can get to live anything we didn’t lived here.

I waited just for you, I tried my best, I promised myself I would only try once, and if I failed then I would take it as a signal to say, but I can’t.

Your jokes, your laugh, your pretty face, the songs you played for me with your guitar, you made me stay and try so many times, but I gave up.

I can’t live lifte this forever, and it hurts me deeply to leave you, because you don’t deserve this and I don’t want to leave, but the pain I feel every day is bigger than what I want.

It’s not your fault, it’s no one’s fault actually.

You told me that whenever I could say things out loud I should write them, but never keep them just for myself, and so I’m doing it right now, hoping you, Dina, Jesse, my mom, my dad, my family, you all understand. I know you will.

I want you to find someone else to make happy, some one that’s worth your fucking amazing and pretty self, someone else that truly deserves your time and your jokes, and your songs on your guitar. Someone that stays with you forever.

I feel so ashamed, I just couldn’t say to anyone out loud how tired I felt, how badly I wanted to die. How my first and kiss though if the day was death, how exhausted I feel every day for no reason. I can’t tell you that the moment you leave I feel overwhelmed again, I feel weak and alone. I just can’t.

I also wanna thank you for being with me every time, for teaching me how to live, for not giving up on me and for being always with me.

I remember the first time we kissed, the first time we slept with each other, how shy you got after that and how much you wanted to tell me but couldn’t so I found out by reading your diary. How mad you got for me reading it but how much you thanked me once we did it. I remember every single one of our dates. I remember the first time you talked to me and I talked to you, the first time you slept and my house and the first time I slept at yours. I never forgot anything, I won’t ever forget.

I remember how you told me you wanted to go to college just so you could work and make us my dreamed house, with an art studio for both of us and a room to have many cats. How you told me that you didn’t want any kids but since you dated me you could only think of having a cute baby that looked just like me. How you got mad when I told you I wanted my last name to go first.

And I want you to live that with someone that’s really worth it.

I’m so sorry for making you stay with me for so long, for making you waist your best years of adolescence and childhood trying to cure me and my sadness. And I’m sorry I’m leaving you like this. But I know you’ll understand.

Words cannot express how much I adore you, how happy you made me, how much I’m in love with you.

Please forgive me.

I swear we’ll meet again, I swear I won’t leave you again, I swear I’ll stay.”

She woke up your parents, your dad unlocked the door. They couldn’t take it.

Now they didn’t understand. Why would you do this? Why didn’t you tell anyone? Did you ever asked for help and they didn’t notice?

Why?

Ellie was too broken to cry. She wanted to look at you but her eyes could only stay at your wrists. She could never forget.

Your parents were on their knees, unable to think, unable to move, just crying.

And so was Ellie. She couldn’t believe just a couple of hours ago she was cuddling with you and now you were gone. How did that even work? There could never exist something more terrifying that your parents sobs. Should she leave? Should she stay?

Should she even try anymore?

She felt so much anger, so much desperation and anxiety in her body. She was so shocked she couldn’t do anything else than stare.

You were gone, forever.

It’s been just a month since you died. She’s been unable to move from her bed, not wanting to eat, not wanting to sleep, feeling dead. She’s been reading your letter nonstop, over and over again, almost memorizing it already.

And your parents? Your family? They’re all broken, how could any of this even happen?

Your funeral was shocking for everyone. Everything had happened so fast, in less then a week, just right after your birthday.

Did you really had to do this?

Everyone felt so sick, for not knowing, for not saying a proper last goodbye to you, for not giving you a proper gift, for not taking enough pictures and videos of you, for not speaking to you enough that last day. For not noticing snd for not helping you.

And Ellie could only hope that she’ll meet you again as you always assured her. That all this pain will disappear eventually. That the love she feel for you would actually help her.

“Me and you were meant to be in love. I see the signs of a lifetime, you ‘til I die”

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piratefishmama · 1 year

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Crashed the wedding, Part 7

Eddie had no grand speech prepared, he had nothing, his whole job was to wing it, which was probably a good thing because anything he’d have prepared to say, would have flown right out of the metaphorical window when he saw Steve.

He’d only just managed that witty quip as he Aragon’d his way through those doors, all the breath just taken right out of him god he was still as beautiful as the day Eddie left, nine years hadn’t touched him at all. His hair still impossibly perfect, even though he’d clearly not put much effort into it for the day, his glasses still made him look like the cutest pre-school teacher ever, and the moles.

Lord have mercy on his poor soul, the moles. He was too gay for this. He just wanted to skip everything, get directly to wrapping Steve up in the cosiest of sweaters, and handing him the tastiest mug of hot cocoa like he deserved, and just cuddling him for the rest of his life.

“E-Excuse me sir, we hadn’t actually gotten to that part yet” The reverend’s voice hesitantly cut through the silence that seemed to carry on for way longer than intended. The man choosing not to mention that the senior Harringtons had instructed him to remove the offer to the guests to object from the ceremony speech citing that they wouldn’t need it.

“Yeah well, it’s not like I had a damn invitation to sit in and wait, did I?” Eddie snapped right back, shaking himself up. He had a job to do, a love of his life to rescue, and no goddamn idea as to how he was supposed to do that if Steve wasn’t reacting in any way other than just staring at him with wide-eyed, open-mouthed surprise.

“What the hell is he doing here?” Steve heard from his left, turning to find his father’s face had turned a curious shade of red in apparent anger. The man quickly turning his eye onto his son hissing “did you have something to do with this?” At him. God Steve wished. He’d have given anything to have had the courage to just pick up the damn phone and call Eddie before all this shit went down.

Nine goddamn years, he wished he’d have picked up the phone each and every single day, but he hadn’t, too many missed calls, too many excuses for him to keep trying, he’d been so sure that Eddie had just… moved on, convincing himself more and more with each failed attempt to stay in touch that maybe… maybe it was just for the best.

Eddie was famous, for something good… besides the shit that happened during Vecna’s little bitch fit, Eddie hadn’t stepped a toe out of line in nine whole years, no scandals, no drug addiction stories, no compromising paparazzi shots in the papers, he sang his songs, played his nerd games, he showed up as ‘Metal Santa’ at Children’s hospitals with the other bandmates dressed as goofy elves, giving out toys all out of his own pocket, he helped out at soup kitchens on the weekends when he wasn’t busy, did charity auctions of random shit for troubled youth charities, he was good. The only time he’d had an issue was early ’88 with a mild drinking problem but Dustin knocked some sense into him on that one and he’d cleaned up his act by September the same year.

He looked mean and scary sometimes, but nobody, not a single person could ever accuse him of being anything but good. Steve was just… Steve.

A man going nowhere, stuck in his hometown with nothing to offer him. It’d been so easy to convince himself to just stop trying. Eddie didn’t need him, Eddie probably didn’t want him, he could have anyone, why would he want him?

Steve didn’t answer his father, instead turned back to the intruder, a smile fighting at the corner of his lips as he witnessed the man telling one of the bride’s huffy aunts to pipe the fuck down. “Eddie? The hell are you doing here?” How could he let his mind force him to doubt when Eddie was right there as if he’d heard that one wish Steve had spoken only in his mind.

“Rescuing you, sweetheart, can’t say I’m the most impressive of cavalry but at least I look good, which is more than I can say for your bride, yikes ma’am you just faceplant into a cake made up entirely of makeup this morning? Not a good look, I can see where the foundation meets the rest of your neck. One word, blend.” Liar, she looked flawless, but the outraged gasp of an offended bride was worth it. The shit stirring little fucker. “It will change your life.”

“Steven—” Harriet huffed, turning to her groom expectantly “aren’t you even going to—”

“No.” Steve immediately cut her off with a short, snort of a laugh, eyes still on Eddie as the man approached, his bride immediately turning to her parents to loudly complain about the interruption, Steve tuned her out completely, he’d tuned everything out, focusing entirely on Eddie “you could have worn a shirt, man.”

“And miss the warm Indiana breeze on my nip? I think not Steven.” Steve scrunched up his nose in distaste “Stevie? Steve-o, Ooh, ooh… Estebe?”

“That means Stebe and you know it means Stebe.”

“I know but you always thought it was cute.” He was within reaching distance now, so close he could touch him, could touch him to ensure he was real, that he hadn’t just hallucinated his way through his forced vows.

“I only thought it was cute cause you actually thought it meant Steve.” He reached, Eddie’s smile widening, only for it to drop, his eyes sharpening in barely concealed rage as Harrington Sr. grabbed the arm reaching out toward Eddie.

“Don’t even think about it, Steven. You will inform your brief, and unfortunate lapse in judgement that you were mistaken, that it meant nothing, and you’re marrying Miss Reid, do not make me remind you—”

“Sit the fuck down Harrington, nobody pulled your string.” Eddie snarled leaning in close enough for the man to release his grip in surprise.

“Eddie… he’s right, I—I have to.”

“No, no you don’t, I see nobody we know here Steve, your friends, your family they’re not here… why? Why aren’t they here Steve… on what should be the happiest day of your life, why did Nancy have to shoot a security guard in the arm just to get me in?”

“Nance did what?” Was that what that noise was?

“Surprised you didn’t hear the gunshot. Karen wheeler practically shoved this monkey suit on me and shoved me out the damn door in hopes I could get you out of this, the only reason the others aren’t here is because these assholes did well enough to have it clash with everything going on in their lives.” Not him though, Eddie would have abandoned a whole damn tour, he’d have cancelled mid-gig, if necessary, Steve needed him. He needed them. “What’s stopping you from walking out of that door right now, baby? What’s doing that?”

He saw that crack in Steve’s already crumbling resolve at the soft use of an old pet name, such a simple, generic little name but it always made Steve just a little weak hearing it from Eddie. “Eddie—Eddie I’m… I can’t…”

There were whispers, people had stood up to get a closer look, nobody in that church recognised Eddie, as famous as he was, he wasn’t their kind of famous. Eddie paid them no mind, taking those last few steps, using what little courage he had left to reach up and skim his calloused fingers along that perfect jawline, thumb caressing the soft cushion of his cheek just below where his glasses perched. “You can, baby boy… my sweet little prince, you can walk right out of here with me… whatever it is Steve, we can deal with it, money? Baby I have more in pocket change than your family’s entire net worth combined, including the shit in those offshore accounts ol John here doesn’t think anyone knows about it.” Steve’s father leaned a fraction backwards in surprise, how the fuck did Munson know about that? He could move all he wanted, Eddie wasn’t paying attention to him, his soft eyes were on Steve, watching as the man let his own drift shut, leaning into the palm cupping his cheek. “Hawkins? Sweetheart… I got here in a day, I flew first class, very fancy, if anything happens, we’ve got it, we can be back here so fast whatever that freaky-ass place throws at us, we’ll be ready for it same as always… so what is it, big boy, what’s stopping you?”

Steve let his eyes open halfway, taking in the man in front of him “I’m not worth it Eddie… just… just go, it’s okay… I’ll be fine, m’always fine” so why did that smile look so sad “…I’m not worth what you’d lose if I were to leave.”

Part 9

#Steddie #Crashed the Wedding #Ficlet #steve harrington #eddie munson #all aboard the pain train!#Merry Christmas!!#im aware aragon did not do the door thing in the books #i'm using creative freedom to say HE SHOULD HAVE.#Eddie Aragon'd his way through those doors #you enjoy that mental image

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lovelyjasmari · 2 months

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Twisted Wonderland Reaction Part 17 ~ Special Edition

Hello everyone!

So…it’s been a while since I’ve made one of these. Almost 2 years to be exact. But after book 5 forever changed how I engage with twst (for better and worse), I haven’t really been up to doing reaction posts anymore. Also after book 5 I actually began focusing more on the jp server since there were many things in the official translation that I found…lacking to say the least.

But when twst jp released this mv on April fools day, I just knew I HAD to talk about it! I’m actually surprised more people aren’t. Probably the biggest thing about this mv is that in a lot of ways the narrative of book 5’s ending has changed now we have context to how NRC Tribe performed. I’ve seen a lot of posts on the bird app saying things like it makes sense now why they lost the VDC.

I will say, this is definitely NOT a perfect performance. But as a former dancer with WAY too much time on their hands, I decided to analyze this.

So for context, Ive done a mix of ballet and jazz for eleven years, from age 4 to 15. Even though I gave up going to classes, I still did para para and anime dances with my friends. And in 2017, I decided to return to dance and have been dancing consistently ever since. I’m mostly versed in ballet but I still do some jazz, hip hop and took up kpop last year. To judge this fairly, I watched the MV several times, four times per member, (do the math and feel free to judge me). And with that, here are the things that stuck out to me the most.

He is beauty, he is grace, HOW HE HELL DID HE NOT KICK EPEL IN THE FACE?!

Synchronization/symmetry

The lack of synchronization was the first thing I noticed, ESPECIALLY in the first 30 seconds. The footwork is sloppy and Deuce and Ace in particular aren't as sharp with their moves as the other five. Rook seems to be the only one doing the choreography correctly because one point at 0:25 (and again at 3:31) where he bends his knee higher than the others and thanks to those fuckass uggs standing out so much, I couldn’t unsee it. At 1:03, 1:07, 2:07, and 3:00 Ace’s form is noticeably off as well.

And this may just be a personal hangup of mine but I found lack of symmetry between the boys at 1:14 very odd. Like, I don’t know how I can describe it but the way Epel tried to take center stage during his and Vil’s duet gave me the impression that wasn’t originally in the routine. At 1:13 there’s a split second where you can actually see Vil looking down at Epel like “...wut?” I immediately thought about that moment right before they go on stage where Epel offers to take on Vil’s solo’s because he looks so weak but Vil refuses. I wonder if Epel trying to take center like that is a callback to that exchange. Unfortunately, since the boys were perfectly symmetrical for the rest of the song, it stands out as awkward all the more.

Kalim and Jamil

Lowkey, Kalim and Jamil both carried this performance after Vil. The little magic with the mic was a super nice touch and Kalim shines the most during the dance break. He seems to be having fun with it despite being in agony. What’s interesting is that after Ace and Deuce, Kalim is the most out of sync but he pulls it off well since I can tell he’s been on the stage before. Both he and Jamil are natural performers.

Vil’s movements

So, this has been something of a headcanon of mine but it seems to have been proven correct with this mv. Vil has always struck me as someone who probably has a lot of classical dance training but little training in other styles like hip-hop or jazz. His movements are very graceful and elegant but almost…too elegant? I don’t know if that makes sense but they seem very smooth for this style of choreography. And because he’s in the center the most, it stands out the most.

AND THAT FUCKING GRAND JETE!!! Absolutely flawless but it feels SO out of place here! I will give him credit though, that is one of the most difficult jumps to pull off in ballet, and the fact he did that in fucking 5-inch heels right after the most mentally and physically traumatic episode of his life, it’s beyond impressive. And the fact he landed perfectly and so seamlessly moved into his final solo is even more remarkable. Still, that was the most jarring element of this choreography and I think it would still be out of place even if this was a “perfect” performance.

Now here’s where I potentially piss people off

All in all this is a perfectly imperfect performance. Being completely objective and not taking my love for these characters into account, I honestly still don’t see how they lost. Well, I understand why but it still is fucked to me. I can understand Vil feeling like NRC Tribe didn’t perform their best since they were exhausted and hurting from dealing with his overblot. I can also understand that they were probably a lot more polished in rehearsal. But here’s the thing, for a group of amateurs, I would probably expect this quality of performance even if they hadn’t had to deal with Vil’s overblot.

First off, while the choreography is rather simple from a dancers perspective, it can be pretty complex for beginners. For one, it requires a lot of synchronization to look correct. But as a beginner, perfecting synchronization alone can take months and, in larger groups, sometimes even longer. If NRC Tribe can look like this after only ONE MONTH of training, taking into account only three out of seven of them have dance experience, that’s extremely impressive.

To give an example, last year at my dance school for our end of the year showcase, the K-pop class did a cover of TWICE's Can't Stop Me. Because our class is made up of students with varying levels of experience (some none at all), it took us the better part of eight months to learn. We had to learn everything in groups of three before we could learn and practice together. And even then, we still fucked up a lot because none of us are professionals and some of us were dancing for the first time. Look at this video and tell me if you could learn this in only ONE month. Vil, can you train me please?? XD

And that brings me to the next point, the experience of all the members. Now, in Rook’s most recent birthday vignette, he mentions learning ballet and in book 5 we see Epel and Deuce taking ballet lessons. But in ballet, as a beginner, your earliest lessons are going to be almost exclusively barre work and depending on age, you might not do center work/combinations for weeks. I’m going to assume Vil is really the only one with solid dance training with Jamil and Kalim also having the most experience just dancing in general. As for the others, they were going to need a lot more training if this was going to look more polished. ESPECIALLY Ace and Deuce.

As for having to perform right after beating OB Vil’s ass, again I was expecting to see A LOT more noticeable errors. And knowing what they all just went through honestly makes me admire this all the more. The thing is, it’s easy to be beautiful when everything is right and perfect in your world. But being able to smile even when you’re struggling and your heart is breaking is even more beautiful still. Personally, I don’t think I could perform even half as well if it were me.

It’s unfortunate that we don’t have a MV of Neige’s performance so I could do a fully fair analysis. But if we look at all the evidence, it seems to me that NRC Tribe still gave a better performance. And I think the true tragedy here isn’t even that NRC Tribe lost since I think that was always a given considering the dynamic NRC and RSA has.

The true tragedy, I think, is that Vil could be convinced that this perfectly imperfect performance was still inferior to Neige’s. But I’ll leave that for another time.

#twisted wonderland #jas reads twst #twst book 5 #twst book 5 spoilers #nrc tribe #vil schoenheit #epel felmier #jamil viper #kalim al asim #ace trappola #deuce spade #rook hunt #shut up jas

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jmdbjk · 5 months

Text

Episode 2: Adolescence

Beyond the Star, produced by HYBE Media Studio

They begin by conveying how important concerts are for them. Concerts. Not performances. Concerts.

They thought they “made it” in 2016 when they booked the Olympic Gymnastics Arena for a concert. It was the dream venue for idols at the time and are amazed they are performing there and never imagined they’d have a concert that big.

During the interviews where they are expressing their thoughts about what performing during concerts means to them, we see footage of different concerts illustrating what they are trying to explain.

Hobi harkens back to their first concert in October 2014 for The Red Bullet tour, at Seoul’s AX Korea with 6,000 in attendance. He says they didn’t care about how many hundreds or thousands were there, they were just so thankful for the fans who came to see them.

Attendance rose at each progressive concert. Their fourth concert in 2015 had 13,500 in attendance at the Seoul Olympic Handball Gymnasium, and their fifth concert in May 2016 at the Olympic Gymnastics Arena, mentioned at the beginning of this episode, had 25,000 in the audience. They were in awe at how huge it was when they first arrive at that venue, looking out at the empty seats before they began rehearsing.

They were always so emotional during their ending ments, so thankful for what they were experiencing after knowing how hard they’d worked from debut up until the end of each one of those concerts.

In the early years, the hearts of those young men were bursting with passion and to see so many fans supporting them had to be an overwhelming relief, its no surprise their emotions overflowed.

Though they finally saw their hard work being appreciated, the joy was tempered with having to deal with pushback.

One of the things I noticed that was not mentioned yet in Episode 1 was how much pushback, bullying, negativity and hate they received from their peers and other fans outside their team and company from the very first day.

Working their asses off to fulfill their dreams while being faced with all that makes it even more amazing that they stuck with it.

It was them against the entire kpop industry. We all know how much BTS is hated by other kpop fandoms. We see it daily on the X timeline. The jealousy is real, it's destructive and it's dangerous.

BTS is untouchable now but in 2013, Jungkook was 15 years old. A CHILD! Jin was 20! BigHit had no money. There was a point after debut when they were asked to move out of the dorm because the company couldn't afford it anymore. Underdogs is an understatement, truly what the hell did they think they were doing up against all these established kpop groups, their fandoms and the big 3 companies?

Now, in Episode 2, we start to hear how the guys handled all this. For some of them, they did not handle it very well. Namjoon talks about his panic attacks and how he avoids the internet and going online during a song/album release.

In Episode 1 we saw Hobi and Jin so thrilled and excited, anxiously waiting and monitoring online their very first album release at midnight on June 13, 2013 and for Namjoon to tell us now he can’t enjoy the thrill of that is so devastating to me.

When an artist sends their art out into the world, it is like a living part of themselves, an extension of themselves that they lay bare to the world. The visceral reaction of panic when seeing people hate you for it…and the amount of courage it takes to ignore that and keep going and make more art to release into the world…I challenge anyone to show me they have THAT amount of courage.

And I implore you to understand the depths these guys LOVE their fans ESPECIALLY BEFORE THEY WERE BIG to keep doing it in spite of the hate.

Yoongi was incredibly diplomatic when he says “we had a lot of unreasonable controversies.” I would have said "we had a lot of total fucking bullshit that meant nothing thrown at us by a bunch of stupid butt hurt people." There, I fixed it for you, Yoongi.

They had a ludicrous amount of people gunning for them, hating them for being successful, hating them for being different. Jealousy drives people to do the most hateful things.

Jimin says, “having to deny the bad rumors was always so upsetting.”

Namjoon recieved death threats during the Red Bullet Tour. Early on they were accused of chart manipulation because they sold so many albums. This is the company had no money, there was no money to spend on chart manipulation!

They were accused of plagiarism and brought to court and were exonerated because it wasn't true.

Jimin received death threats at the end of the Wings Tour.

Being the humans that they are, with feelings and emotions, Yoongi says they and the fans were getting desperate and spiteful in the face of all this backlash and hate.

The fan song “2! 3!” was an anomaly. It is somewhat somber for a song dedicated to fans. Most fan songs are light and cheery. But this song fit the emotions BTS was experiencing and bonded them closer with their fans and was again, another instance of the members being sincere and genuine in their expressions.

The emotional scenes of BTS standing on stage, Army singing the lyrics back at them, waving their purple plastic bagged Army bombs, has to be one of the best memories for them. A truly bonding moment between artist and fan.

December 2016, Mnet Asian Music Awards, they win Artist of the Year. It is their first major award. Yoongi says “in a movie, the ending credits are supposed to roll at this point.”

They’ve reached the top… as they knew it. End of story... 2016? Nope.

Early the next year while they were on the Wings Tour, they were told they were going to the United States for the Billboard Music Awards. No other Korean act had ever done that before. They had no expectations for that trip. They had no idea what they were supposed to do when they got there.

It’s kinda cute seeing them prepare and wondering what to expect. They are so young and you can tell they are trying to figure out if they’re supposed to try to emulate the image of a western pop star.

When they get out of the van at the red carpet event, they all look around the back of the van to the other side of the street and see the fans screaming at them. They knew who the real fans were and they wondered what everyone else thought: perhaps people were just curious about who they were.

Namjoon wonders how different it may have been had they, the members, been a little more culturally proficient, meaning at that time, they were inexperienced, naive and ignorant about the impact they were making. It was all a big wonder to them at that point. They were thinking “do they even know who we are?”

Then they win Billboard’s Social Artist award, not a major award but still, it had been won by Justin Bieber for many years prior and now it was BTS’ opportunity to kick in the door. And they did. With all seven pairs of feet. Western artists began to take note and wanted to collaborate with them. The thorn in the western music industry's side had arrived in the form of this team of 7 and their fans.

Yoongi thought it was a one-off token award, but then they were invited to perform at the AMA’s. They can’t believe they’ve made it that far.

They are soaring and going places they never imagined they’d go. Everything seemed like a fairytale, the success, the adulation, the global attention…

But it was happening too fast, their young minds, their emotional development and sense of self never had a chance to mature and catch up to their work load and the pressures and expectations their image and success placed on them. They never had a chance to stop and assess themselves personally and consider if this level of fame was something they even wanted.

Literally, they never. stopped. working. When they say "we just kept running forward" that is not a euphemism, it is literal.

As soon as one event, concert, appearance, fan meet, photo shoot, shooting Run BTS, music shows, whatever was over, it was on to the next one...from plane to hotel to venue back to hotel back to plane, to be repeated over and over.

In mid-2017, by the time they talked about resting for a while, it was perilously close to being too late. They still had the rest of the Wings Tour to complete through December. Some of them had already considered quitting. Some did not possess the confidence to endure the burden. Some of them wondered if pausing was the right thing since they were doing so well.

They were confused by how they could be feeling like this after they’d worked so hard to get to this point.

The title of this episode is "Adolescence" and it pertained not only to the members who were just emerging from it and their careers that had gotten past the starting line and now riding an almost out of control rocket to stardom. It also was a point in time for the company trying to get its feet under it, for its leader Bang PD trying to steer this team, to figure out how to manage this worldwide sensation they'd created.

Bang PD had to learn how to deal with his team's enormous success as he watched them begin to burn out. He embraced a philosophy of focusing on the importance for an artist to have autonomy and be happy as a person which was not a thing in the kpop industry at that time. He was worried about their mental well being and their happiness. He suggested a break.

They knew there was an "end" coming eventually. End of contract, military... et al. They pondered the inability to enjoy the fruits of their hard work and that it couldn't "end" with them being unhappy.

We know in 2018 they renegotiated their contracts.

For a group as close as they were, as committed as they were to their careers and to each other, they had to come together and discuss how they were feeling while being burned out, they had to admit to each other they wanted to quit. We don’t know the nitty-gritty details of how it went down but they worked through it and re-committed to each other and their team.

They didn’t give up and that tells me not a single one of them are quitters.

My own personal thoughts are that they recognized they needed to stop at that specific point in time and regroup. They knew enlistment was coming eventually and the typical life-cycle of a kpop group had been about 7 years when idols aged and younger ones took their place. But they'd reached places in the stratosphere that none other had before. I think they paused, recalibrated and actually let themselves seriously think of a future after enlistment that would allow them to keep up this level of success, to keep pushing boundaries...and therefore they re-evaluated what was in that contract to include things that ensured their well-being so they could grow. That new contract was set to expire this year, well after Jin was supposed to be back from the military and most likely all of them. I am curious to know what that original 2018 contract planning included...

Anyway, I accidentally rambled a lot adding extra context and my own thoughts while watching this episode.

Review of Episode 3 next…

#bts beyond the star #jimin #jungkook #jin #taehyung #namjoon #hobi #yoongi

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frootloopscos · 4 months

Text

An Accident?!

After a while playtime was over for the little gremlins. (Y/N) sighed before clapping their hands together twice, "alright kiddos, Mr. Trein says it's time for lunch!" They said with a smile, "everyone line up at the sink so we can wash our hands and then eat!" The kids smiled, quickly running over to the sink in the countertop. (Y/N) walked over and helped them all wash their hands while singing the ABCs song.

Once every kid has their hands washed they all lined up at the door as (Y/N) and Trein grabbed their lunchboxes from the mini fridge. "To the lunchroom. Show Mx. (Y/N) where it is." Trein said to the kids, Sebek looked at (Y/N) with a small glare before suddenly grabbing their hand. "I'll lead you to the lunchroom human!" He said, being the caboose had its perks for the little half-fae. (Y/N) smiled, "thank you so much bud." They said as Ace began to lead everyone to the lunchroom.

The lunchroom was a decent size for a daycare, there were many kids that (Y/N) thought were interesting. Sebek tugged on their hand leading them over to a table. "Woah! Okay bud." They said following him and letting him sit down. "Mx. (Y/N)! This is Waka-Sama!" He said pointing at a young boy with horns on his head, he looked much older than Sebek. Maybe a middle schooler? "It's lovely to meet you Mx. (Y/N), my name is Malleus Dracona." The boy said, the enby smiled, "hello Malleus, Sebek I'll be back okay? I have to help Mr. Trein hand out the lunchboxes." They said handing the young boy his lunchbox before going around and helping the Trein hand out the other lunchboxes.

Once all of them were handed out, (Y/N) went back over to Sebek. "Hey bud I'm back." They said bending to his height. "Mx. (Y/N)! Sit down with us!" He yelled pointing to the seat next to a boy who looked a few years older than Sebek, "Sit next to Silver!" He said with a smile. (Y/N) nods and sits down, "it's nice to meet you all." They said looking at the group of three.

TIMESKIP

Lunch came and went rather quickly, after lunch the kids line up at the door, an attendant walked over and clapped his hands. "Stay pups! Single file line as we go outside." He said before leading them all out of the lunchroom and onto the playground outside. (Y/N) followed with a smile, wondering how their kids would play with the older kids.

The attendant from before, rather attractive with dual colored hair, half buzzed on one side and the other looked almost like a bob from a certain angle. Oh boy those eyes though. (Y/N) shook their head to rid the thoughts they were having before going up to the attendant. "Hello there, my name is (Y/N) (L/N), the new hire here." They said with a soft smile. The attendant looked over and nodded "Divus Crewel, a pleasure, I hope the pups haven't been causing you any trouble yet? You will be helping me tomorrow."

(Y/N) shook their head, "no no, they aren't causing any trouble, one small fight but I have a plan to fix the issue the kiddos had." Crewel nods at their words, "good."

After a bit of the kids playing outside the bell rang signaling them to all line up to be taken inside. It was then that (Y/N) noticed a certain duo for the class they were helping was gone. Going over to Trein they tapped his shoulder, "Ace and Deuce seem to be missing from the group, would you like me to look for them?" They asked him, the male nods, "that would be much appreciated thank you." (Y/N) nods and leaves the group to search for the little troublemakers.

Luckily, it didn't take long to find them, hiding together and giggling inside of the spinny slide. "Ace, Deuce, it's time to go inside." (Y/N) said to the duo, "NO!" Ace yelled, "I don't wanna go back inside! Nuh uh!" Deuce looked to the redhead with furrowed brows, "but we have to, it's the rules." He mumbled, Ace just stuck his tongue out at his friend and slid down the slide to run away. "Ace!" (Y/N) yelled in worry as they watched the boy begin to run away before he tripped over the short plastic barrier surrounding the play area. Ace began to cry as he held his knee, Deuce scurried out of the slide and ran towards his friend with (Y/N). The adult knelt down to the child's height, "let me see it bud," they said softly and inhaled though their teeth seeing the injury on the boy.

"Alright kiddo, I'm going to pick you up okay? I'll carry you inside so Mr. Trein can help you get patched up." They said before gently picking up the crying child (haha crying child) and carrying them inside like they said they would. Walking to the classroom with Deuce holding onto the back of their shirt. Upon entering, all eyes were on them, the kids quickly began to crowd around the small group. "Children enough, it's map time please go lay down." Trein said as he walked over to (Y/N).

The kids quickly dispersed themselves into their nap area, grabbing blankets and pillows before making themselves comfortable. Meanwhile Trein helped (Y/N) take care of ascend scraped knee's, Deuce adamant in staying by his friend's side before he would lay down for a nap. Trein didn't want to use any magic to heal the knee's because of his parents not wanting magic to be used on Ace without them present. Ace told both caretakers he was okay before he and deuce weee allowed to lay down with the other kids.

——————

Hellooooo! Sorry I've been gone for a long time again guys 😭

Word count: 993

Published to wattpad: Aug. 29th, 2023

Published to tumblr: Feb. 1st, 2024

Edited: N/A

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bl4cktourmaline · 4 months

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🍙﹒星 — day 3 featuring shinonome akito

knock knock!

heres some mail!

ଘ(੭´꒳`)°* ੈ‧₊ 💌

⌨️ᶻᶻᶻ...anon is typing... ♡

↻ᴹᵉˢˢᵃᵍᵉ ˡᵒᵃᵈᵉᵈ !

❝WAHHH I TAKE DIBS ON #3 FOR THE EVENT WITH AKITO MY POOKIE 👹👹👹 Love y'all's writing btw❞

━━❝How do I love you...? Let me count...❞

Shinonome Akito is the kind of person who isn't a big fan of being very open with his emotions, not like he hates those who are more vulnerable with their emotions... it's more like he just doesn't understand it.

When he met you for the first time, he started to understand how such emotions can make one becomes so vulnerable.

... though he does it in a subtle way because it's embarrassing for him.

"Where is it...?" You let out a groan, annoyed as you put the book back on the shelves before sitting down on the bed.

You were waiting for your boyfriend who have plans with his band so his mom let you wait in his room and now here you were...stuck.

"Haa... maybe he hides it somewhere else this time" You sighed, slightly disappointed.

Now you must be wondering...why exactly are you were so keen on finding this book of his?

Well time to rewind for a little bit...

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈a few days ago...

It was around the time when the school bell rings, signaling the students that it was the end of the day.

You were practically just giggling to yourself while humming a song as you started to pack your stuffs into your school bag.

"(name)-san, you seem really happy about something...did something good happened today?" Your seatmate asked, putting the bag over their shoulder.

"Mmm! It's almost our 1st year anniversary, ahh~ I'm so excited that I don't know what to do!?" You squeaked, hands holding your blushing cheeks.

"Woah, hold it right there. Don't go running around while you're daydreaming about your boyfriend, what am I going to say if you knocked yourself out?"

"Whaaa?? How could you be so mean to me, you have no faith on me at all! I can't be that dumb-"

"You bumped into the bathroom wall after having your first kiss with him" Your friend looked at you with an unamused expression.

"I-....okay fair point" You sighed, defeated.

They laughed, making their way out of the classroom "Well, don't be late~"

"Ah!" You gasped, hurriedly packing your bag and make a run for it.

Akito was already waiting for you, leaning against the shoe lockers as other students walked passed him. He looks bored out of his mind.

Gosh...he looks so dreamy...Ah, wait snap out of it (name)!!

At that moment...

Olive green eyes met your (colour) ones.

"What took you so long?" Akito asked, walking up to where you were and you could have swore he was smiling...

But something else caught your attention before you could comment on it; an orange coloured journal drop down from his halfway opened bag.

You bent down to grab it, the book have its pages open and you can see his handwriting on them.

"Hmm? Aki, what is this-" Before you could finish your sentence, the journal was immediately taken away from your hands to which you blinked and turn to look at him.

"Don't look at it" He let out a grunt, looking flustered.

"A-Aki??" You called out, confused by his expression.

"Let's go home" Akito grabbed your hand before practically dragging you out.

"H-Hold up, it's no fair that you have longer legs!!!" You whined and you could see his smug face from the corner of your eyes.

You couldn't help but think back to what you just saw in that book...

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈back to the present...

After that day, he keeps hiding that book away in different places every time you come over to his house.

And today was no luck as usual until now...

"Is that...?"

a few cm away from your right foot was a familiar book with its bright orange color peeking out of its hiding spot.

You found it, you actually found it...

You flipped through the pages and many of those were filled with Akito's handwriting and a complete different handwriting was circle around some sentence with corrections.

By that, you mean very very dramatic corrections...

"...is this Tsukasa-san's handwriting?? Huh..." You were confused but that didn't stop you from reading some of them because you can't help but being more curious on finding out what he was hiding in this journal now...

Tsukasa-san said writing a love letter might be a good idea...why do people like this kind of stuffs? This is so embarrassing...

How do I love you...?

Let me count...

There are many reasons what make (name) as a person.

What I love about you is simple.

You're patient and understanding that it's hard for me to be honest, I like that you're always trying your best in everything you do and sometimes, I want to poke fun at your weird facial expressions when you're concentrating. I like that you are always supportive of our dreams to surpass a legend and you always think of others even when we were on a date... though I do find that kind annoying at first.

The door slammed open.

"Hey, (name) I'm back-" Akito's eyes widen when he saw you sitting on his bed with his journal wide open.

"You weren't supposed to read those!" He grunts, the tips of his ears turn red when he realized you saw what he wrote to which he couldn't help but cringe.

"...Aki"

"What?"

"I love you too!!!"

"Huh-"

He was cut off by you pounced on him, making the two of you fall down onto the wooden floorboards.

... let's just say he wasn't happy with you teasing him about it afterwards.

(っ'-')╮=͟͟͞͞💌 You receive a letter from Yue!

↻ᴹᵉˢˢᵃᵍᵉ ˡᵒᵃᵈᵉᵈ !

𝐍𝐨𝐰 𝐥𝐨𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠. . .

pyon-yahoo~ I almost want to yeeted myself off a cliff or something sjgejgd this prompt + the akito combo was the hardest challenge that I have ever face in my whole lifetime as a writer omg but anyways, please reblog and likes, I would really appreciate it 🥺💅

🍙 ⁿᵒʷ ᶜᵃˡˡⁱⁿᵍ... : @msith , @akitofixated , @akitosheart

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imaginesfordifferentfandoms · 11 months

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Mine

Click here for my masterlist.

Click here to add yourself to my taglist.

Prompt - ‘You saw me start to believe for the first time.’

Requested - @katsuniverse

Notes - Happy Speak Now month! Request a fic for any of the remaining Speak Now tracks, click my masterlist to see which songs are left!!💜

The difference between you and James was that he came from a family that showered him in love, a family with two parents who married for love without caring what other people thought, a family that couldn’t care less about blood purity and keeping family lines ‘clean’.

Your family only cared about that, muggles were respected less than house elves, if you even dared to glance at somebody who wasn’t of pureblood descent then they’d be sure to let you know how much of a traitor you were to the family. Your parents didn’t love each other, they loathed each other, sure in public people believed they were the perfect couple but the reality of it was they couldn’t have a single conversation behind closed doors without it turning into a screaming match.

Perhaps that was why you and Sirius had been fast friends. From a young age both of you had known this life wasn’t for you, the prejudice and judgement coming from people who thought they were so much better than others just because they were purebloods. Both of you forced to attend the parties that were only hosted in an effort to show how superior one family was from the other, a similar one hosted the next week just to prove who was better.

You hated those parties and yet you were made to attend each one of them, mainly sticking with Sirius and trying to stifle your laughter as he made fun of the stuck up witches and wizards around the room.

Going to Hogwarts was the break you needed. Finally being away from your family, from their high class rules, their cruel words and harsher glares, the parties and the arguments. It was a relief to leave home but their judgement still followed you down the Great Hall.

You and Sirius traded apprehensive looks. Both the Y/L/N and the Black family had been Slytherin’s for as far back as anybody could remember, it was expected that you and Sirius would follow that tradition.

You had known for years that Sirius was determined to be in any house but Slytherin, promising that he would find a way to trick the hat if he needed to. You thought he’d be ok though, Sirius was your best friend and nothing at all like the Slytherin that surrounded you on a daily basis, you didn’t think it would be a struggle for him to be placed anywhere else. You figured he’d do well in Gryffindor, he was one of the bravest people you’d met after all, never one to back down even against his father’s fists and mother’s sharp nails that left marks after one too many glasses of wine.

You yourself were torn, of course you hated everything your family stood for, of course you wanted to break free from them but thinking that and actually doing it were two different things. You had no love for your family but you knew their disappointment would still hit hard if you were placed anywhere but Slytherin.

“Now what should we do with you?” The hat asked once Professor McGonagall placed the ancient thing on your head. “A brilliant mind, older than your years aren’t you? Cunning and quick on your feet. But not Slytherin, eh? For as long as I can remember the Y/L/N’s have been Slytherin’s. Of course that doesn’t mean you have to be. No, no I don’t think Slytherin is where you belong. A brave girl like you belongs in…

Gryffindor!” The Hat exclaimed and you felt your eyes widen in shock, gaze immediately seeking out Sirius who was beaming at you, up on his feet and whooping as you forced yourself off the stool and over to him.

“Breathe.” Sirius whispered as the remaining students were sorted, you not paying attention to any of it as your mind flooded with fear of what your family would do. “We’ll be fine.”

You glanced over at Sirius who smiled at you, knocking into your shoulder softly and you nodded, taking a deep breath and finally focusing on those around you. Opposite you were the two boys you’d met on the train, the pale boy with scars scattered around his face and hands sat across from Sirius and the boy with messy brown hair and warm eyes was facing you.

“You two alright?” James asked and you watched as Sirius glanced at you before grinning, taking the attention of you for a moment.

“I’m brilliant, mate. Merlin, mother’s going to be furious with me!” Sirius exclaimed and you couldn’t help but join in as Remus and James laughed, feeling some of the tension leave you.

You were a Gryffindor. There was nothing you could do to change that, no amount of angry words or letters could change that now. So instead you let yourself enjoy your first night at Hogwarts, pushing all thoughts of your family aside as you laughed with Sirius and the two others who would all become your best friends before the year was finished.

Over the years James had watched you closely. He had known when he was eleven that you were special, had known you were important. You were one of his best friends, he was always going to look out for you.

At thirteen he realised he liked you, at fourteen he realised he loved you. He never said anything though, he didn’t want to risk losing you. Every time somebody brought up love or crushes you always shut down, tuning the conversation out and refusing to take part, it didn’t matter how much they teased and nudged you, you never spoke about it.

James had been curious for a while, he’d even gone to ask you about it a few times but Sirius always seemed to know when he was going to, pulling him aside and distracting him with something or just subtly shaking his head when James approached you.

It took a while but eventually Sirius realised James was going to keep asking you so he waited until you’d gone up to bed and told him about your parents. Of course James already knew about them, he’d watched you rant about them, watched you tense up when the family owl flew into the Great Hall, watched how you stopped eating and zoned out when the school year was over and you knew you’d be going back to them.

Once Sirius told him James figured it made sense why you thought love was stupid. His heart ached that you thought all relationships were doomed, that the only example you had was set by those who married for status and not for love.

James wanted to change your mind. He wanted you to see that love was real, that it was a good thing, that it could work.

He went to bed that night with his thoughts racing, knowing he had all summer to come up with a way to get you to believe in love.

By the time autumn had arrived James had created and thrown out more plans than he could recall. He didn’t have a solid idea by the time he boarded the train and sat down next to you, his smile softening when he saw how tired you looked, knowing how draining the summer was for you at home.

He decided then and there that he didn’t need some elaborate plan, he didn’t need the others to help him come up with one either. All he had to do was show you that counting on somebody, that spending time with them and letting yourself fall wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world.

“Here.” He murmured to you, the word nearly getting lost in the noise of the train, everybody excitedly greeting each other as they made their way into compartments.

You looked over at James, eyebrows knitting together as you looked at him. James couldn’t help but grin as your face lit up when you took one of the cupcakes James held out to you, something Mrs Potter had taken to making and sending him off with at the beginning of the third year.

You and James easily fell into conversation, James careful not to ask too many questions about your summer even as you asked about his. Sometimes you did talk about it but it was usually in the early hours of the morning when everyone else had gone to bed, you and him alone in the common room feeling like the secrets you shared there were safe to say.

It wasn’t long before Remus and Sirius joined the two of you and soon enough you were back at Hogwarts, happy to be back home.

“Come with me to Hogsmeade this weekend?” James asked as he caught up to you and wrapped his arm around your shoulder when he saw you leave the Great Hall.

You looked up at him with a smile, a smile that James loved putting on your face and swore he’d keep there. You didn’t move from under his arm letting him lead you out of the castle, if anything you shifted closer to him when the autumn air hit you.

“Don’t we always go to Hogsmeade together?” You asked, raising your eyebrow at him questioning.

“No, we always go with Sirius and Remus.” James told you and it was true, all four of you always went together unless Sirius was trying to impress a girl but that usually ended with him finding you all a few hours later. “I’m asking you to come with me.”

You stayed silent for a moment, feeling a wave of nerves run through you. You’d known for a long time now that you liked James. You hadn’t wanted to admit it to even yourself for so long but you couldn’t deny the fact that he was the one you sought out after a bad day, he was the one you went to for a distraction, he was the one you looked for when you entered a room, he was the one who took a weight of your shoulders upon seeing him after spending the summer with your family.

You loved James and it terrified you.

Nothing good could come from it. You knew what relationships turned into, you had watched as even the best intended relationships turned cold and cruel. You couldn’t have that happen between you and James, you’d rather never tell the man how you felt than watch as you and he turned into something dark and twisted.

And yet even with the sliver of fear you felt you had never been all that good at denying James Potter of anything he asked for.

“So,” James stretched the word out when you had gone too long without answering him. “Will you come with me?”

“Yeah, I’ll go with you.” You told him, a small smile on your face as you felt excitement mix with your nerves and fear.

A few days later found you pacing the lengths of your room, thankful that the other girls had left for breakfast, leaving you alone to freak out about going out with James. You don’t know why you were so nervous, it was just James and it wasn’t a date.

Yet some hopeful, traitorous part of you wished it was.

“You know he likes you right?” Sirius’ voice startled you out of your thoughts and you whipped around to face him, glaring at him for frightening you.

You’d ask how he even got into the girls dormitories but you had long since given up asking how Sirius did half the things he managed.

“I’ve got no idea what you’re talking about.” You told him stiffly, turning away from him to busy yourself with rifling through your trunk.

“Come off it Y/N/N. He’s a good lad, one of the best, he’ll treat you right. What’s so wrong with giving him a chance? I know you like him too.” Sirius sighed, moving further into the room and onto your bed.

“Don’t you think I know all that?” You snapped, glaring at your oldest friend before taking a deep breath and moving to sit next to him, letting him wrap his arm around you to pull you closer and resting your head on his shoulder. “I just, I can’t Sirius. I can’t risk losing him, I can’t risk falling into the same trap every other couple we know has, I won’t jeopardise what we have now for us to end up hating each other.”

“Y/N, you’re not going to end up like our parents. They never loved each other, you know that. You won’t be dating James because you’ve been ordered too, because he’s a pureblood who only calls about popping our heirs and looking good to other purebloods. Neither of you care about that stuff.” Sirius told you softly, resting his head on yours and letting his eyes fall shut as silence washed over the two of you.

“I really like him.” You finally confessed, voice barely louder than a whisper but Sirius heard, a sad smile spreading across his face.

“I know you do. Go out with him, enjoy yourself, let yourself be happy.” Sirius said and you nodded, taking a moment to gather yourself before pulling yourself off the bed.

“See you later?” You asked as you slipped a robe on, ducking into the bathroom to check yourself one last time.

“I wanna hear all about it!” Sirius grinned as you rolled your eyes, heading down to the common room and seeing James waiting for you.

“You ready?” He asked, a smile spreading across his face as he saw you and you smiled back nodding. “You look beautiful by the way.”

You felt the heat rush to your cheeks, your smile turning shy as you ducked your head, following him out of the common room.

“Thank you.” You said softly, suddenly so unsure how to act around James despite having been friends for years. “You look good too.”

The walk through Hogwarts was silent, James wondered if he was making the right call. He knew how nervous you were, Sirius had been distracted all morning and only settled once he announced he was going to check on you. Your fears were clearly deeper than he had originally thought but then he looked over at you and knew he would never regret this.

He just had to hope you didn’t regret it either.

“You remember the first time we came here?” James asked you with a smirk, watching as you rolled your eyes again but your smile widened and that’s all James needed.

“I’d known you for two weeks, you can’t blame me for being cautious!” You defended yourself, James laughing and the sound made you relax a little bit.

“You were terrified.” James grinned and you nudged his shoulder.

“We were eleven, who gives an eleven year old an invisibility cloak?”

“I told you we’d make a rebel out of you.” You and James continued talking and laughing, reminiscing on your years at Hogwarts until you were completely relaxed, no nerves or fear running through you as you let yourself fall into the familiar comfort of James’ company.

After that day at Hogsmeade you decided not to overthink every decision you made. Of course one outing didn’t automatically fix everything you believed but you were willing to at least follow Sirius’ advice of giving it a try. You were still terrified of losing James, of turning into your parents but you also really wanted to be with James.

So one outing turned into two then three until months had passed and you and James were spending all your free time together, of course that didn’t deviate from your usual schedule but this year it was different. This year it was filled with shy glances and gentle brushing of hands which neither of you were brave enough to grab, it was filled with sneaking out and wandering the grounds together, of somehow getting to know each other more which you hadn’t thought possible.

Tonight the two of you sat outside by the black lake, James had enlisted the help of the others to make a picnic, getting as much food as the house elves would give them and setting up a spot for the two of you.

The food had long since been eaten and the sun was finally beginning to set. James rubbed his hands on his thighs, desperately trying to remember the speech he had planned earlier but coming up empty each time.

You looked out at the water, at some point you had shifted closer to James and rested your head on his shoulder. If somebody would have told you you’d be here months ago you’d have laughed in their face but now it felt right, everything about these last few months felt right.

Falling in love with James Potter felt right.

“You okay?” You murmured softly, not wanting to disturb the peace but James had been quiet for a while now and you hadn’t missed how nervous he’d seemed throughout dinner.

James wasn’t sure how to answer that. He was amazing, he was sat with the girl he loved leaning against him, so happy for every second he got to spend with you and yet he was also nervous because he was so desperate to tell you how he felt, needing you to know that he loved you, to know you were his world.

“James?” You said again, moving so you could look over at him.

“I love you.” James blurted out, his eyes widening at the same time as yours did.

He hadn’t meant to say that, well ok he had but he had a whole speech, he was going to ease you into it. The last thing he wanted was to scare you off and have you leave him.

“James,” You said softly, shocked at his words that left you equal parts nervous and overjoyed.

“No, wait, just let me…” James trailed off with a sigh before sitting up and turning to face you properly. “I know you don’t think this is going to work, I know you look at your mum and dad and hate what they have but that’s never going to be us. We’re choosing each other because we want to, not because of something as stupid as blood purity. I know you're scared but let me show you how good we can be.”

James watched you closely, part of him expected you to bolt but then he watched your face soften into a smile, he watched as the tension that had built in your shoulders left and you looked at him like it was your first time really seeing him.

James Potter was watching you believe for the first time.

Believe in him, believe in love, believe that he could be the one for you, believe that it wouldn’t end in spite and hatred but it could just be love.

“I love you too.” You finally said and James let out a surprised laugh, a grin spreading across his face as he stared at you.

You were in love with him.

“Can I please kiss you?” He asked, his voice coming out more of a beg causing you to laugh softly as you nodded, shifting closer to him and savouring the feeling of his palm cupping your cheek, memorising the way his thumb ran across your cheekbone as he held you like you were a prized possession.

“I really love you.” He murmured before pressing his lips to yours.

He had been waiting for so long to kiss you and now that he finally knew how your lips felt against his he knew he’d never be able to go without. One taste and he was addicted. The kiss was soft but eager, the two of you gripping each other, desperately trying to get as close as you could.

When you finally pulled away you were both panting for breath, James rested his forehead against yours to keep you close to him, not ready to let you go yet.

“So you’ll be mine then?” James asked breathlessly and you couldn’t help but smile brightly at him as you nodded. “You don’t know how long I’ve waited for this, I’m gonna spend the rest of our lives proving this will last, that it will always feel this good.”

You really hoped James was able to keep his promise, the way he made you feel in this moment was enough to push any doubts out of your head. How could something that feels this beautiful ever turn into something so dreadful? You wanted to believe that love wasn’t like that and you were more than happy to let James be the one to prove it to you.

James Potter Taglist (Click the link in my bio to add yourself!) -

@rottenstyx, @asherhunterx, @canadailluminate, @filmsbyblair, @j-cat , @cinderellacauseshebroke, @black-rose-29, @chickensrule, @rosaliedepp, @ppgrayson, @onyourgoddamnleft, @divanca2006, @silverose365, @tc-blossom, @mystic-writings, @touchdeprivedwh0re, @alexxavicry, @alwaysclassyeagle, @carmellasworld, @maeve-7, @father-violet, @izzyyy-1, @kaitieskidmore1, @mrslizzyolsen, @idli-dosa, @siriusstwelveyears, , @polyglot-noodle, @bubsonnobx, @f-sant, @fairydxll, @valluvsu, @sjprongs, @uwiuwi , @parkerxdunbar , @betzabobababi, @dumb-fawkin-bitch, @alexparkxr , @ell0ra-br3kk3r, @momoewn, @secretsthathauntus, @psychicbouquetgladiator, @evvy96, @iluvweasleys, @eonnyx, @audrie-bryant, @lunalovegood156, @pank0w, @anjelicajoyce, @elcve

@soldierheart, @libraryofsweetpotatoes, @instantpeachhologram, @devilacot, @canty0us33, @missabsey, @dunno--what-to-put-here

Thank you so much for reading!💜

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f1letters · 1 year

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bigger than the whole sky | ms47

"i'm never gonna meet what could've been, would've been what should've been you"

summary: guilt consumed her alive when she lost the baby she initially didn't plan on having... maybe the outcome could've been better if she did something different, she thought

warning: very heavy and very sad story, angst, heartbreak, swearing, mentions of a panic attack, grief, death, mention of unplanned pregnancy, miscarriage, brief mention of blood, loss of a child, mention of the hypothetical future that the baby would have had, happy-ish ending

pairing: mick schumacher x reader

word count: 2.9k

note: everything in bold are song references and in italic are thoughts, which includes memories from the past. I would also like to point out that this one has to be the hardest story I have written so far as it is very personal to me. I've thought a lot about NOT posting it over the past few days, exactly because of these heavy topics. but I think this needs to be spoken about a lot more than it is, especially with how many women/people with reproductive systems suffer from miscarriages in silence. please read the warnings before reading!

german words used: liebling = darling; schatz = sweetheart; mama = mom

on a less sad note, I think everybody knows how much I love mick, I hope we still get to see him next year (please papa toto, rescue my man!!!)and that he gets another chance in the 2024 grid. with this being said, I hope you enjoy this one and have your tissues with you!

masterlist

No words appear before me in the aftermath

Salt streams out my eyes and into my ears

Every single thing I touch becomes sick with sadness

'Cause it's all over now, all out to sea

Many say that grief is the price of love.

That grief is just a form of love; a love that can't be given anymore to someone we could hug and kiss and see before they were gone.

That grief is the result of a space that is left empty in our lives after someone physically loses strength and lets their soul rest.

But as much as we are prepared from childhood to grieve for someone we had time to love, nothing prepares us for the heart-wrenching experience of losing someone we didn't even have a chance to know and cherish.

Such suffering, pain and anguish seemed impossible to fit in Y/N's small and fragile heart, as she tried to accept the aftermath of the loss of her baby.

She stood there, stuck in time, just thinking of everything she could have done differently. Searching for an explanation for why life had played such a cruel trick on her. Wondering why.

Why me? Why with us? Why them?

As the young woman lay on her back in the middle of her big white bed in search of answers, the only sound that echoed between those four walls was her painful sobs as salt streamed out of her eyes and into her ears.

That same sound was her only company, as her boyfriend was nowhere to be seen.

She couldn't blame him though. She knew that his absence in the room they shared was due to her own cold and distant attitude towards him over these last few days.

But she just couldn't face him.

Looking into his eyes would only make her realize that they mirrored the exact same pain in hers.

And as selfish as it sounded, she wasn't ready to face his loss when she could barely accept her own.

Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye

You were bigger than the whole sky

You were more than just a short time

And I've got a lot to pine about

I've got a lot to live without

She didn't want to see him or talk to him. Even during the night, Y/N found herself escaping to the uncomfortable couch in the living room to avoid sleeping next to Mick, almost as if she was too afraid to touch him and thereby infect him with her sadness.

Everything for her suddenly changed, and she couldn't wrap her head around how a being so fragile and so precious that never even had a chance to live could be the only meaningful thing in her life at that moment.

'Pregnant 1-2'

Leaning against the cold tiles of her bathroom, sitting on the marble floor, the young woman tried to calm her uncontrolled and panting breathing.

It couldn't be. This couldn't be happening to her.

Her eyes read over and over again the small letters on the digital display of the pregnancy test in her hands. Almost as if she expected that at any moment they would change and that she would wake up from the nightmare she saw herself in.

Her head was all over the place. She couldn't have a child now. She was in her early 20s, she had only been with her boyfriend for a little over a year, and he was just starting his second year in Formula 1.

Not that she doubted her love for Mick or his for her. If there was one certainty she had in the world, it was that he was the love of her life, even if their relationship was fairly recent.

But they never even spoke about having children in the long run, let alone already. She hardly saw him herself most of the year. How would she be able to take care of a baby in those conditions?

The pressure was building in her lungs and her vision was beginning to blur as the girl panicked more and more, until she was awakened by the sound of someone knocking on the bathroom door.

"Schatz, are you okay? You've been there for over thirty minutes." She heard the driver's concerned voice on the other side of the door. "I'm getting worried, can I come in?"

From inside the bathroom, Mick got no response and only heard the cries of his partner who had finally given in. Without thinking twice, he opened the door and went down to her level, kneeling on the floor in front of the girl.

"Liebling, what's wrong? Talk to me." He brought both his hands up to the sides of her jaw, leaving soft caresses with his thumbs until her gaze met his.

"I'm sorry, Mick. I'm so fucking sorry." Y/N replied, shaking her head in denial while crying uncontrollably.

The boy was only more confused by his girlfriend's apologies, but when he looked down at her lap and saw the blue stick, he immediately realized what was happening and his arms dropped to his sides in shock.

"Fuck. Y- You- Are you pregnant?" He asked, shaking with nerves. He leaned against the wall on her side as well, letting his head relax against the tiles.

His hand went to Y/N's thigh in an attempt to comfort her and after a few minutes to assimilate everything that was happening, he spoke again. "Okay. Okay. We're going to be fine. Don't worry, we'll handle this together. I have more than enough money to support the three of us and-"

"Mick, stop." The young woman replied, with some aggression in her tone. "I can't have a baby right now. This is insane."

Remembering that day now brought only heartache and pain, because it was all over now, all out to sea.

I'm never gonna meet

What could've been, would've been

What should've been you

What could've been, would've been you

"Y/N, I know you're nervous. I am too, but I know that together we can do this." Mick confessed, grabbing both of the girl's hands and looking at her with the most loving gaze she had ever seen on anyone.

"I barely know your family, you don't even know my parents." She continued with her rambling. "I spend 99 per cent of the year alone in this house while you are God knows where around the world."

"I'll quit." Y/N's heart skipped a beat at the boy's suggestion. "You are worth more than any sport and any dream. You are my dream, both of you are. I want nothing more than to grow old with you and have a family together, so I'll quit in a heartbeat if I have to."

"I would never let you give up on your dreams, Schumacher, and you know it." Y/N felt her body relax for the first time in hours, letting her back lay against her boyfriend's chest, his hands resting on her stomach. "Are we completely crazy for even considering this?"

And for a short time, they were indeed crazy. Crazy for each other and for the future they envisioned for the three of them.

Even without seeing them or touching them, their baby filled their hearts so intensely, with a love they never knew before, that they grew in size with that insane amount of adoration.

Only to be broken into bigger pieces.

Did some bird flap its wings over in Asia?

Did some force take you bеcause I didn't pray?

Every single thing to come has turned into ashes

'Cause it's all over, it's not meant to be

So I'll say words I don't believe

For a few more weeks, the couple lived inside their dream bubble, filled with so much happiness and excitement for their future. Although no one else knew about Y/N's pregnancy yet, everyone noticed how much they glowed, more in love than ever.

Until Mick had to come back to the real world and had to travel to the United States for a race, leaving his girlfriend alone again in their home in Switzerland.

The young woman couldn't explain why she felt so apprehensive and so scared at the idea of being alone. It was not the first time this happened, but inexplicably her sixth sense was already on high alert as she held the German much longer than usual at the airport, as if she was too afraid to let him go.

Two completely normal days passed after the driver left: he called her every day when he woke up, at lunchtime, and when he went to sleep, in an attempt to make her feel less lonely.

But on the third day, she didn't answer him.

He didn't think anything special of it, thinking she was probably busy with something at work, so he went about his morning as if nothing had happened. Hours went by as he was dealing with his media duties, until, on his lunch break, he picked up his phone again and his world seemed to come crashing down in a single instant.

'15 missed calls from Schatz'

'9 missed calls from Gina'

'7 missed calls from Mama'

Alone at home and with no family living in Switzerland, Y/N found herself in complete despair when she saw blood running down her legs. She knew right away what it was, even though her brain begged for another possible reason.

The girl silently prayed for the better as she searched through the kitchen drawers for the paper where she knew her boyfriend's mother, Corinna's number was written.

Y/N simply couldn't face this all by herself.

Although they only met a couple of times before that day, the young woman couldn't be more grateful to have had the Schumacher family's matriarch by her side, to hold her hand and to wipe her tears away as the doctors told her the worst news she would ever hear in her entire life.

"I'm sorry miss, but I'm afraid your baby no longer has a heartbeat."

Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye

You were bigger than the whole sky

You were more than just a short time

And I've got a lot to pine about

I've got a lot to live without

Those words just turned every single thing to come into ashes.

And she couldn't help but feel guilty.

Maybe she had done something she shouldn't have done. Eaten something she couldn't. Made physical efforts that she could not.

Maybe she should have prayed for the baby. She should have accepted the pregnancy sooner. She shouldn't have doubted their ability to have that child.

She was looking for something: an answer, an explanation, a reason.

And although her head knew it wasn't logical, she blamed him too.

Maybe if Mick were here. If he hadn't travelled to the other end of the world. If only he hadn't left her in that house without help and company.

She needed him more than ever, but at the same time, all the distance between them didn't seem enough for Y/N.

The wooden door to their room opened unexpectedly, making the girl turn her back to Mick to prevent him from seeing her tears.

He slowly approached her figure and she felt the mattress lower next to her as he sat up and placed his hand on her bare shoulder.

"Please, I beg you. Talk to me." Y/N heard his voice shake, and it became clear that he was crying too. "I can't take this silence anymore. I'm suffering too, you know?"

She knew she was being unfair to him. After all, he too had lost his child, his future, a part of him, even if he wasn't the one to physically carry it.

She was a childless mother, but he too was a childless father.

I'm never gonna meet

What could've been, would've been

What should've been you

The truth is, she didn't believe the words she was saying in her head.

Mick was the most supportive person she knew. He made a point of asking her over and over again if she was okay, if she needed anything, if she wanted to talk.

But it wasn't until she was forced to face her partner's sadness that she realized that blaming him wasn't going to mend the hole in her heart.

He was the only one who could ease her pain if she let him in.

The girl turned to the boy, finding his back trembling with the sobs he let out. She hugged him from behind, feeling his body relax against hers with the physical contact he desired so much.

Mick lay down next to her on the bed, pulling her as close to him as possible, and they stayed there for hours, in comfortable silence, while they both mourned their loss in each other's arms.

"I'm so sorry, baby." Y/N broke the silence. "I was trying so hard to find a reason for all of this that I ended up blaming myself, blaming you. It was unfair, and I'm so fucking sorry. I shouldn't have ever done that."

"It wasn't anyone's fault, liebling." Mick whispered with his lips brushing against her forehead. "It just wasn't meant to be."

Y/N looked up at the driver, meeting his sad gaze, and the two let the tips of their noses touch.

The two lovers' lips met again after days apart and, even if only for a moment, they both felt whole again.

What could've been, would've been you

What could've been, would've been

What should've been you

What could've been, would've been you

Nothing hurts like an unexpected goodbye, but they both knew they would carry their baby forever in their hearts, even if they hadn't been able to carry them in their arms.

They were never going to be able to see the baby say their first words and take their first steps.

They were never going to have the opportunity to see their child go to school for the first time, or attend their graduation.

They were never going to be able to comfort them when they had their first heartbreak, or tease them when they had their first crush.

But even though they knew their baby was more than just a short time, they knew the mark they left on them was permanent.

Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye

You were bigger than the whole sky

You were more than just a short time

And I've got a lot to pine about

I've got a lot to live without

Two years later, the couple couldn't be in a better place, even though their loss would never fully heal.

Y/N had just won a promotion at work, allowing her to reach the position she always dreamed of holding at the company she worked for.

Mick had returned to the Formula 1 grid after two troubled years in his career and now wore the four Audi rings on his polo shirt with the greatest of pride, alongside his longtime friend and returning champion, Sebastian.

But most of all, the incomprehensible sounds that came out of their rainbow baby's mouth were what made them the happiest they have ever been.

Their newborn baby girl filled their hearts with renewed hope and unlimited love, bringing back colour in a world that was previously only black and white.

I'm never gonna meet

What could've been, would've been

What should've been you

taglist: @dan3avacado @starxqt @roseinnej @spiidergirlsworld @ccloaned @hotpigeon22 @dr3lover @lovelytsunoda @primadonnasdream @luxebeautystyle @wallfloweriism @ilivefortheleague @gwynethhberdara @satellitelh @adavenus @audreyscodes @wifeoflucyboynton @th6ccnsp6cyy @classifiedsblog @flyingmushroomss @motylekrozi @claramllera @gabrielamaex @handsupforamiracle @pierre-gasssllyy @lorenaloveslewis

@idkiwantchocolatee @simpforsunwoo @kissatelier @xweirdxsceletton @micksmidnights @miniminescapist @inchidentwithmax @hopelesslyromantics-world @alwaysclassyeagle @indieclarke @capela-miranda @okokoksblog @pulpfixion @sins-only33 @sainzclerc @allisonxf1 @honethatty12 @amsofftrack @flannel-cures @junkiespromise @loudoperahumanoidpanda @honeyric3 @holy-macncheese-balls @ricciardosheart @pierreverstapkin

@ravenqueen27 @majkaftorek @home-of-disaster @buendiabebeta @itgirlofnowhere @roses-of-eden @thewintersunset @rubychocolatechips

(taglist continues in the comments)

thank you to everyone that asked to be tagged! please let me know if you want to be added to the next stories! 💌

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kaizenkhaos · 5 months

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Over the Airwaves: A Harringrove Xmas Fic

Okay so you know how it goes. You see a post reblogged from a fellow Harringrover (if that's the term...hmmm...I'm not sure but hey ho XD) and all of a sudden the mind gremlins go yes....do it. Write a nearly 4K fic inspired by it. Or kinda. It's more adjacent to it. In this case, I saw a post reblogged by @avalonlights about Michael Buble and that sent me down a rabbit hole of Robin and Steve hosting a radio show and a certain someone or someones ringing in with requests. Though it does give me ideas for another fic for later or maybe next year now XD So Merry Christmas everyone! ^^ Wherever you are and whatever you're doing, have fun, stay safe and for those of you who struggle during this time of year, my thoughts are with you. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Four Days before Christmas Day...

"And that was 'So This is Christmas' by John Lennon. Coming up, we have the much beloved listeners' request section. But now, here's a few words from our sponsors." It was the run up to Christmas and Steve was working. Like every god darn Christmas he could remember since finishing at Hawkins High. Sure, the money wasn't bad and it stopped him from sitting alone in a big house, wishing that he could just chill in the pool and forget about the rest of the world, but….there was just somethin' about this time of year that set his teeth on edge. Maybe it was cos his parents had once again gone away from the holidays, leaving him with a Christmas tree laden with presents but no one to see him open them. Maybe it was the fridge full of food which they'd left for him which he'd stuff in the oven and try and not forget about. Or maybe it was the fact that each and every year, someone had actually asked him over to their place. And he lied about having somewhere already to go. Cos he didn't wanna be a burden, ruin a good time. If he was gonna be miserable, he'd be miserable alone. He was so tired of putting a brave face on things. But maybe what he really needed to do was bite the bullet and say yes. Being alone the past years had sucked.

Four days until the day of the most wonderful time of the year. According to many and that one song which they kept being asked to play most days. Christmas songs were the bread and butter of the airwaves for Radio Hawkins in December, most DJs chosing to play different varieties but some of the songs remained the same. The staple diet of a nation ready for the holidays and to eat and drink more in the name of good old Saint Nic. Steve and Robin had been given the afternoon slot, just before the prime time DJ, and so were kinda the warm up act before the main event. It meant that they could get away with playing some obscurities but overall, it was more the popular stuff, both classic and modern as well as the old curveball to keep them on their toes.

"Line one dingus, you're up to bat." It didn't matter that they were no longer the sailors hauling scoops at Scoops Ahoy, dingus had stuck. But it wasn't in the manner in which he'd been labelled at first. Now it was more affection than insult, just one of the many insider jokes and banter the pair now had.

Nodding, Steve looked over at the producers, giving the good old thumbs up and it was time for his sultry (and apparently sexy according to some listeners) tones to smooth over the airwaves.

"And we're back with more holidays hits right over the air waves at Radio Hawkins. And the section, as Robin said before the break, we all know and love. It's time to hand over to the listeners and the recommendations for your Christmas tunes." Looking at the board, he selected the button nearest to him and with a smile, started with, "Hello there dear listener, who do we have on line 1 today?"

"Hello. Can I request a song for all of the Hawkins Life guards out there? " "Sure thing, and what can we play you today?" Oh wasn't that a oh so familiar voice and a glance over at Robin told him that yep, she'd cottoned onto who it was too. They didn't even have to leave a name and they knew it. Steve wondered how red Robin was gonna get before the song would end, even before the voice continued and sealed the deal. "Could we have 'Santa baby' please Mr DJ." "That we can, thanks for your call." As the line went dead, Steve leaned over to the console to locate the song in question. Now he knew it was one which had been covered a hell of a lot; apparently one of the most covered Christmas songs ever. But no doubt the main DJ of the night would play some up-beat version and what was wrong with a bit of Eartha Kitt? "We're going with the original version?" Pulling her headset off, Robin was getting a raised eyebrow, as if this was something unexpected. She knew his leaning to the classics for these sorts of things but maybe she thought their audience would beg to differ. Although, that did make him think of…. "Yeah 'course. Why, should I have gone for the sexy Michael Buble version?" "No. Steve. Why do you…" Bingo. Deep, deep red is the result to his poking, as he made kissing noises at her and she looked like she'd have thrown a pillow at him if she had one at her disposal. Instead she just leaned over and nearly set him off his chair. An act that had the producers snorting and Steve grinning from ear to ear. Once he was straight and level back on his chair. Last year, Robin may have dragged him onto the stage for karaoke on their second work's night out together. It had been a small town bar, pretty cosy and most locals but they seemed to have known the radio station folk, so there was no hostile staring. Santa Baby had been the song Robin had chosen but not for the reasons he thought at first. Both a bit drunk, he'd just thought it was an updated upbeat version for them to stumble through. Then Robin had done a 180. No longer as shy as before but like a shot of confidence had come over here. Sassy, confident and damn…. If she'd not come out to him a couple of years previous and let her feeling about him known, that would have a time which he had gotten him paying attention. But as it was, he worked out real quickly what had caused the change, or rather who. Turned out a certain life guard had shown up, on their own work's do and yeah. Robin had already scoped her out and the song? It had been for her. It had turned out, as they'd found out later that night, the feelings had been mutual. Steve had slipped away to give them some privacy and the rest….well. They'd been dating for a year now, but every time that version of the song came on, Steve wouldn't let her live it down and Robin didn't let him get away with it.

"You're such a….." The song finished and a smirk is what Robin is faced with as she gives him that face and took over hosting duties. Whilst making it so very very clear that he was gonna pay for this later. Or one day. Who knew when, but she'd seek her revenge and he'd pay his due.

Three days until Christmas Day…

He was surprised they were both not hung over. A night out with Heather and her swim team, and member of his old swim team and many, many drinks later had left both him and Robin going home late and just about getting ready enough to be able to be coherent on the air. It had taken Steve an embarrassingly amount of time to work out their set lists and he swore at times he was getting the shakes for some reason but they were working through it. Him and Robin, the dynamic duo. They'd made the bad days work at Scoops and here, as tight as ever, they'd carry each other through it. Just as they had each other on the way home. "So, we have another caller on line two. What's your name and what can we play for you this afternoon?" They'd admittedly had some banging tunes already this slot. Some golden oldies; some Slade, some Wizard. Some modern ones and some not so Christmassy tunes too. Probably from someone who either didn't like Christmas all that much or just wanted to give others a breather for a moment. After playing a bit of T-Rex and Prince, the songs had morphed back into the season and Steve was now ready to hear what the last request of the session was gonna be. A pause on a line. This happened from time to time. When there was a bad line, a disconnect or when people just didn't know what to say, or how to start. It happened more often than he'd thought when he'd started here three years ago. Nerves on the airwaves, the thought of so many ears hearing your every word. Steve got it. He'd been the same when he'd started. Now it felt as natural as breathing. Steve patiently waited for the caller to say a word or hang up. "Santa's little helpers." Giggling floated over the line and yet another familiar sound reached Steve's ears. A sigh away from the microphone as he rolled his eyes at Robin to just get a grin back. Eyes carrrying as much mischief as the kids on the line. Well, it had only been a matter of time before one of the little shits got through. He was kinda surprised at who it was though. "Hello there Santa's little helpers. Hope you're keeping warm up there in the North Pole. What can we play for you?" "What's the North Pole?"

"Can we have 'Driving Home for Christmas'. Please."

Yep it was them and Steve just smiled, Robin shaking her head but still with that mischief in her eyes. Had she set them up to this? He had no idea if she actually had; he knew she wouldn't reveal her hand yet if she had. Or maybe it was the other who had spoken who'd decided to do it. Those two were thick as thieves after all. Either way, Steve leaned back to his microphone, the song now lined up to play.

"Sure thing. Here's 'Driving Home for Christmas' for Santa's Little Helpers. Thanks for calling."

Two days….. It had been a mistake. Two nights out in a row? He should have been able to handle it. Drink never used to be a problem. But today both him and Robin were definitely paying for it. She called it the hangover from hell but worth it. He was just wondering when the hell he'd turned his headset up. Every sound felt like it was echoing inside of his head. The only saving grace was that some of the staff on the other side of the glass had also been out, what with it being the works do, so they were all collectively on the bus together. Just trying to get through another shift before their beds came a-calling. "Line number three, thanks for calling. What's your name and what can we play for you this afternoon?" This time the voice was clearly using some sort of changer. Subtle but there seemed to be a distortion on the line which felt neither like the phone line or signal and clearly wasn't caused by a human voice. Catching Steve's glance, he hovered his finger over to the line button, just in case it turned out to be some prank caller who they'd have to boot off the air pretty quickly. Wouldn't be the first one, sadly probably wouldn't be the last. "Hi, name's "Christmas Princess" and I'd like "Last Christmas" by Wham please. Love your show, thanks for taking my call." "No problem at all Christmas Princess." He knew Robin was looking over now and he knew how; he didn't have to see it. If it wasn't written all over his face in clear sight, then it was that she knew him and his history well enough that she could feel what he was going through. This song….stung. A lot, and he knew it wasn't aimed at him or anything, but it was…such a shitty Christmas song in his opinion. Full of heartache and sorrow and memories of Christmas past. Memories of her and the special someone he wished he could have given his heart to. And the word Princess….god it remembered him so much of that asshole. Not even in town no more, could be a thousands miles. To Steve, he never was away. He was always there in his head, in his heart and he felt the whole thing stumble.That tell tale of a rip occuring again, and the feel of a soft hand under the table. Steve blinked out of his thoughts and daydreaming, looking over at Robin and the producers who were pointing at the blinking "Live" sign. Smiling at everyone, Steve hoped nothing he'd been thinking had shown on his face. One look at Robin, and he saw that it had. Damn. Him and Robin had spent so much time talking about their crushes that he was so relieved when one of them got lucky. She wanted it for him too, even if she shared his opinion on his crush (being an asshole). She wanted Steve to be happy and he wanted to be finally too.

"And that was Last Christmas. Sorry to all of you trying to avoid Whamhalla. Better luck next time folks. Now who'd we have on line six."

Christmas Eve It was Christmas eve, one last shift until Christmas Day, which turns out this year, he actually wasn't gonna be spending alone after all. He'd not realised until this morning that there were several voice messages for him at home. All of which had come from the Hendersons. Mrs Henderson had happened to bump into his mom in the supermarket or some place, and she'd let on that not only would they be out of town but Steve would be staying behind. Something about work and a boring business meeting his dad had which they didn't wanna drag him along to. So of course, the first phone call had from Mrs Henderson, asking him if he'd like to come over for xmas. The second had been just a check in and polite check in. A "It's okay if you'd rather be alone but if you could let me and Dusty know, that would be appreciated." The final one had been Dustin telling him that if he didn't come around to his on Christmas Day, then his mom was gonna bring them around. Apparently his mom must have had a change of heart; Steve not finding out the why until much later on. Outwardly he'd been annoyed, rung back. Got Henderson on the phone and huffed a "Fine Henderson. Let your mom know we already have a turkey," before putting the phone down. But as Robin started to work out which lines they were gonna to be taking calls from first and he worked through the playlist they'd already arranged for the session, Steve realised that really, now the day was actually nearly here, he was relieved. So god damn relieved that it wouldn't be another meaningless Christmas. He even felt a little bad about his tone on the phone. He should have sounded grateful, not like he was doing them a favour. Something to apologise for when he saw them in person. No more time to dwell on that though as he was on main host duties today and so it was his turn to man the lines. Nodding to Robin, she hit a button and put the caller through. Steve wondering what the next Christmas 'masterpiece' in which they would be asked/forced to play would be. "Over to line four. Hi there, what's your name and what can we play you this Merry Christmas Eve?" "Yeah, hi. This is that guy with the Camaro. I want to request a song for someone special. It's that Mariah Carey song. You know, the popular one." No……no no no. It couldn't be. It had to be….someone else right? But no. He'd know that voice anywhere in the world. The inflexion in his words, his choices, his tone. Of all the god damn people to phone in and all of the times too. And of all of the god damn shitting songs he could pick. Why this one and why this. God Damn. Station. Maybe to be fair he didn't know. He'd been gone since Starcourt. Whisked away as soon as he was well enough. Had gone to catch some sun and never come back. At times Steve wished he would have stayed like Max had done. Maybe he'd have at least had the chance to say he was sorry. Maybe he could have made things right between them. "You there amigo?" The words echoed around in his head, before a little nudge from Robin brought him back around. Concentrate….he had to just treat this as another caller. Them as anyone else who wanted a song. It didn't matter how he felt about it; he had a job to do. "Yes, sorry that guy with the Camaro. All I want for Christmas is you right?" "That's the one."

The sound of a smirk in his voice made Steve want to throw up.Throw down his headset and go cry in the staff room.He'd not felt like this in so long and it was really darn hard for him to keep it together right now.But he had to. ON with the show and then he could let it all hang out when he got home. Away from the peering eyes, away from anyone's expectations of him. Then he'd be fine for when Mrs Henderson picked him up. None the wiser. "Sure man, we'll put that right on for you. Hope that special someone likes it." "Thanks man, I know they'll be listening."

Another gut punch and it was like the Byers House all over again. All he needed was a plate smashing over his head. A squeeze of his hand and Steve takes a deep breath before slipping the headset off again. Robin quickly joining him and gently putting his and hers down on the console. "Steve….." "It's okay Robin. He's probably come back to see Max for Christmas" And this special person of his. A tight lump was gripping his throat. He hated this. All of it. Most of the staff here knew about him and Robin and it didn't bother them. It hadn't stopped them from rising up the ranks, given them their own show. Some people in Hawkins would still be reviled if they knew about the pairs' sexualities but here they were safe. And he was pretty sure some of them knew about the golden haired Cali boy that he held such a torch for. Hell, one of them had even found his mixtape in the car once. Asked him about it and then reassured him that he was okay. That it was fine. He had a friend who was gay and he was going to their wedding. That had been several months back, the first person at work Steve had even told. It still didn't make this any easier. He'd gotten worse at hiding his emotions. The dam was breaking and he was struggling to stop the water now. Luckily though, the caller was gone before the song played out and Steve managed to say a hurried thanks before Robin skillfully took over the air for the last song. Gestured for him to go and take a breather. The producers nodded and let him go, didn't mind the fact he'd had to head off early. He'd wanted to say thank you to all their listeners, to wish them a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year as they wouldn't be back on the air until after the first, but he just couldn't right now. And they all knew that. Smoking hadn't been on his mind for a while, but now he fished around the bag he brought out from his locker to find the packet, slightly crumpled in a side pocket. God he needed this. God he needed….apparently a lot of things. A hug, a smile, reassuring words. A good turkey dinner and a warm fire, and family and laughter and….. At first, he ignored the buzzing of his phone. Probably just a message or a spam call or somethin'. It rang off fast enough to be either so he just stood there. Leaned against the wall and took the longest drag that he had in a real long time. Before off went his phone again, pulling against his jeans. Maybe it was Mrs Henderson. Maybe there'd been a change of plan or she needed to make sure she had the right gravy. She did like to make a fuss and always made him feel so welcome. The thought of which is what made him pull his phone out eventually. It wasn't right to keep her waiting. He'd already missed her calls and not rang her back, something else he really needed to say sorry for. But it wasn't her name that had flashed up on his screen. It was Max. Okay, that….didn't make the most sense but maybe she just wanted to wish him a Merry Christmas or….shit no, something hadn't happened had it? He'd….he'd better pick up. "Max?" "No need to sound so worried pretty boy. She's fine. Snuck out with Lucas somewhere. Probably the arcade. Dead romantic like that." Holy….shit. He couldn't stop himself from sliding down the wall, only feeling over the back of his jacket once his ass had hurt the floor. Hargrove…what the shit. He really was back in Hawkins and apparently had Max's phone on him. "Also before you lecture me, yes she has my phone. Didn't think you'd pick up if it was a strange number or anything. So, you like the song choices?"

"Song choices?" Wait choices….. Steve's face must have done a whole range of different motions as emotions rode from pillar to post. He'd rang in before. Several times. But when and…. how many times? What had he requested, other than that damn song today. The voice changer….so he'd been the shit requesting freaking Last Christmas. Now another emotion straddled the rest of them. So, was this some kinda sick joke, a wind up, a play to get him on air? He couldn't think straight. He never could around Hargrove but wasn't this typical of him? Wasn't this the usual hair playing behaviour he should have expected? Wasn't this why he liked him? Shit…. This could not be happening.

"Ah come on man? Santa baby, Driving Home for Christmas….George Michael and freaking Mariah Carey. You know how much cred I've lost just requesting that song man." "Ah great. Yeah, it totally makes sense now. You putting others up to ring mine and Robin's show and make me feel like a complete ass" "Woah woah woah amigo. No no no." A snort and then that lower tone that always made him feel like he was about to split in half. "Did you even listen to what I said to you? Listen to the lyrics of any of those songs. And here was me thinking you were a fellow music lover Harrington." Listen to the lyrics? About wanting someone, coming home to them, the whole giving someone their heart and shit and…..but it was for a special someone. All I want for Christmas is…..oh. "Get the hint yet?" His eyes darted upwards as the shadows crept over him. A familiar smile now above him. Shining ocean eyes which he thought he'd never see again. And the sound of an engine in the background and playful chatter. Max and Lucas at the arcade his ass.

"Hi there pretty boy. Look whose come back for Christmas." ……….

#harringrove #billy x steve #harringrove xmas fic #kaizen's kreations #inspired by others' posts

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myobsessionsspace · 7 months

Text

Jungkook’s BE-hind Story

Though filmed in 2021, I find it still relevant.

It’s a really good watch for those that may not have seen this, or may have but have forgotten about it.

His thoughts on songs with no relation to him personally.

His music process, how he can do songs within a day or work on a song over and over, delete and never release.

Watch full video here

🐰“From now on, although songs with sincerity is also important, but…there are so many different types of people, who think differently and come from different backgrounds.

I want to become an artist who can create various different stories by creating imaginary scenarios and situations and coming up with imaginary characters.

That’s my ultimate motive.”

🐿️ “It’s very unique. I usually find it much easier to write about my own experiences, but what you’re trying to do is putting yourself in an imaginary scenario, which is actually very difficult.”

🐰 “Right, it’s difficult. So, although it’s very difficult, like how I want to try new things but unable to express it right now. If I keep doing it I’ll get accustomed to it, so I should keep challenging myself.”

🐿️ “I think it’s wonderful and I believe all challenges are good. I hope you could try out as much as possible”

Weverse Live

July 2023

What really stuck out to me:

🐰“but there's still this idea called image. And many people love that. Let's say that people love it, and so I keep following only that path. In that case, what is it that I can change? With my own hands? When this is my own life. I've gotta be the one to make change, you know. I have to tell the people who love me "this is how I am," and I have to-- not coerce them, but I have to make it so that they can accept/recognize me.”

When will he be allowed to control his image? When will he be allowed to not fit the idea that has been created by fans from content that doesn’t reflect his stage in life anymore? When can he expand on that image, add dimension, flaws, normal human traits to it?

🐰“I mean, like, there are so many things. How should I say it, so... Even if I were to figure out [the audience's] needs and satisfy those... Would ARMYS and I be truly happy? Till the end. When there's nothing that changes.”

You can’t please everyone all of the time. To please the majority he has to sacrifice himself? His change from the image people hold of him can never be? Who is that fair to? Is it fair to him? Is it fair to the fans who want to love him for him?

🐰“Ok, if I'm being honest: that's right, before, I used to have a lot of fears, including fear of trying something new. And I used to not really feel up to doing things that are new. But this is something that you guys created for me as well. It is from you all. Because I gained so much courage from you guys. Truly. (drinks water)

& I said this in a recent live, too. Asking why you guys give your support and love to me. Because even back then, I didn't know the answer, which is why I kept asking again and again. But now, I don't want to show that vulnerable side of me to you guys. I gained confidence, and using this as a foundation, I want to keep building myself.”

Army time and time again showed him they loved all of him and trusts what he wants to do, so they gave him the confidence to try new things.

Trusting that he wants to do it and he’s spoken before about the want for these types of songs, these challenges.

They aren’t army’s challenges but his challenges.

I don’t know about you, but being a singer from a 7 piece group who for years has worked with the same people in their mother tongue, to now work with an array of people from a different country, to sing a full album in a different language and do each song with different musical genres, phew! I’m tired just *thinking about it*!

Watch the whole weverse live

GOLDEN BY JUNG KOOK

Out November 3rd 2023!

Pre-Save & Pre-Order

💜

#Jungkook #BE-hind Story #BE-hind Interview #Golden by Jungkook #Kookmin #Jikook #the last tag just because…

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pansear-doodles · 11 months

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its time i talk about the person who left a dent on me

the worst part of my trauma when it comes to it being connected to people i was once close with is that my perspective of what makes of them reminders of them (i do this to anyone im close with- whether it is a symbol or a certain appearance or trait or event)

little bit of serious talk here folks, so i apologize for the unexpected. hope you have the filters.

for most of my internet life, it was almost only me. completely unfiltered. came to deviantart first. became popular at an early age because of what i was doing in the fnaf fandom- it was not good for my mental health.

my groomer has a sona that never changes by design. he's always depicted as an orange fox with black long hair, black beanie and striped jacket. he likes fps games, especially the resident evil series- having associated me with Mia from resident evil 7. he likes fnaf (we met through fnaf... while i was like 14 i think- while he was 9 years older than me). he draws well... i guess. in pokemon form, he would be a jolteon. i would be a pansear. he would be the fox. i would be the rabbit.

as a child i was very impressionate, overly emotional, and cringe (ofc). i would be best friends with my groomer after finding out we shared many common interests and kept talking to each other about it- and then later fess up i have romantic feelings for him.

this would have been the opportunity for him to back up and say no.

but he didn't say no.

we continued off and became a couple. not many people batted an eye on how questionable it was for a 15 year old to be in a relationship with a 24 year old. almost nobody, save for a few concerned friends (and one stranger on Transformice) who i ignored unfortunately, talked it up with me to leave him. i held our relationship as a sort of defense mechanism. i relied on him to make me feel happy. i did a lot of things with him, and including those of the unsavory before i became of age. (i ever regret doing them- but how would i have known- i wasn't the adult here. he was.)

oh and have i mentioned he said the (un)iconic "you're pretty mature for your age." to me

you know whats one of the funniest weirdest shit about our relationship events was? he would show me this club penguin vid where there is a troll making crude remarks and harass someone (presumably a kid). that brotherman bill cp video. he would recite and memorize the song while blindfolded. ironic how he turns out to be in the end.

the wake up call was when he retweeted nsfw of an underage fictional character. seeing that purged my stomach.

yes. it was nsfw of a fictitious minor that was the nail to the coffin. nothing else. i was so delusioned. so troubled. i couldnt see anything else problematic until that happened.

it was so hard for me to let go of him. thankfully i had friends who comforted me and stuck with me through the whole way through. i was on my bed crying.

we've been in close contact for 5 years. i was convincing myself to stay on a doomed relationship because i didnt know what to do- i was already broken and unwell. i was very co-dependent (and i think some of those negative traits still follow me to this day- learning how to get out of that though). my groomer has left a large gap of my mind when we broke off- i revolved so much stuff around him.... and i forgot a lot of memories because of the trauma- taking even the happy unrelated to him ones with it.

i cared too much. and as someone who draws fast- you can imagine how much ive done.

my old files are infested with his likeness. i know i can just delete them but theres so much. so many. it is utterly revolting to see it all and the memories that come with it.

but as time went on, im starting to care less and less about what has happened between us. i am still traumatized of course and a lot of the negative things followed me, but i am healing somewhat and thats what matters i think. most of the things ive associated with him- the connection is fading. i have separated fnaf from him. i no longer associate orange foxes with him. i am comfortable drawing characters in black beanies.

if there is anything i should be grateful for, is that im no longer with him and im happier with someone else. im thankful for the friends who have helped me cope out of that shitfest.

if you know who this person is, i advise you not to witchhunt and harrass him. i dont know what hes doing and honestly i dont give a fuck on how he's doing. he should get help honestly. it is me, myself the victim, who has the say on the matter- and my say is to leave out of his sight.

if you are a minor and someone older than you does these similar things to you, please let your parents and friends know immediately. please be safe.

if my groomer ever reads this, somehow, then to him i say: i am not afraid of you and i do not care about you anymore.

thank you for reading.

#groomers #tw grooming #cw grooming #please let me know what else to tag #thoughts

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ugotnojamzzz · 2 months

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Mistake Prequel Pt.1

California

Word Count: 2.3k

Pairing: ex!Jungkook x Reader

Genre: kind of Angst, Hurt, ex!Jungkook

Synopsis: idk at this point, sorry. But here’s the jest of it: Y/N, a very successful singer-songwriter was close friends with the members of BTS for several years. She had a relationship with Jungkook that ended painfully. Now they’re stuck trying to navigate the whole exes-to-friends dance, and somebody is bound to get their toes squashed.

Disclaimer: English isn’t my native language, so I apologize in advance for mistakes and awkward wordings to come.

Chapter soundtrack: California – Lana Del Rey

(By the way, for every ‘Chapter Soundtrack’, basically the idea is that it’s a song that YN eventually wrote with that chapter of her life in mind)

Oh, I'll pick you up, If you come back to America, just hit me up. 'Cause this is crazy love, I'll catch you on the flip side. If you come back to California, you should just hit me up.

________________

YN sat on the sandy shore, her satin robe gently swaying in the breeze as she stared out at the endless expanse of the ocean before her. She was on the set of a fellow artist's music video shoot, patiently waiting for her turn to be on camera.

The rhythmic crash of the waves provided a soothing backdrop to her contemplations. In her hand, she held a Berlin postcard, its surface adorned with her friends' familiar scrawl.

A faint smile tugged at the corners of her lips as she traced the words with her fingertips, savoring the sense of connection it brought. It had been ages since she'd received one of those.

With a soft exhale, she reached into her purse and retrieved her phone, fingers deftly navigating to dial a familiar number. As the call connected, she brought the device to her ear, anticipation fluttering in her chest.

“Well, well, well,” Jimin’s voice echoed, “to what do I owe the pleasure?”

“Hello to you too,” she smiled, “am I interrupting?”

“Not in the slightest” he replied, “we just got back to the hotel.”

“Shit-” she muttered, running a hand through her hair in frustration. Time difference, you idiot. “You must be drained. I can call at another time if y-”

“And wait another two months for a phone call?” her friend interrupted, his laughter cutting through her concerns. “Not a chance.”

There was a beat of silence. She knew she should’ve reached out earlier.

"I got your postcard," she finally said, her tone warm. "How did you even get my new address, Jimin-ssi?"

"You know I don’t kiss and tell," he teased, his voice tinged with amusement. “Why? Don’t fancy mail anymore?

"Oh, you know, I can never be too careful,” she quipped, a playful smirk tugging at her lips, “so many stalkers out there."

"Guess that means you found the strand of pubes I slipped in there," Jimin joked.

"Gross," she groaned, wrinkling her nose in disgust.

“Eh, you love it” he replied without missing a beat.

“So, how is Europe treating you?" YN asked.

"Well, we’re in Stockholm right now, you know how it is," he replied, a hint of amusement in his voice, “people are very… tall and morally upstanding."

"And how is everyone doing?" she inquired nonchalantly, though her curiosity lingered beneath the surface.

"Good," he replied, but there was a moment of hesitation before he continued, "Jungkookie’s doing okay, I guess." YN almost sighed in relief, grateful that Jimin had spared her the need to ask.

"You guess?" she pressed, sensing his uncertainty.

“Was Hobi unavailable today?” he asked.

YN winced. She had been found out. She usually talked to Hoseok about Jungkook stuff. Of course she did, Hobi was one of her closest friends. Only, after a while, he had called her out on her shit and told her that she should have the balls to ask for news herself. You do know you won’t be friends again if you don’t try and talk to each other from time to time, right? She'd been pretty much in the dark ever since.

A heavy silence lingered between them before the boy broke it, "You saw the articles, didn’t you?"

YN didn’t reply, but her silence spoke volumes. There had been a bunch of articles in the press lately, and a lot of fans on social media expressing concern over the looks and demeanor of BTS’s maknae.

“Well, you know,” Jimin continued, his tone reassuring, “he has been a little more off than usual. Then again, it’s hard to know if it’s the touring schedule that’s getting to him.”

She sighed inwardly, wishing she’d had the courage to pick up the phone and dial Jungkook's number. She had wanted to reach out so many times but was always held back.

Just then, a commotion erupted in the background, the distant sound of voices and laughter coming through in indistinct snippets.

"Hey, I got YN on the phone over here," Jimin declared to whoever was there. YN's heart skipped a beat as she realized that other members had joined, their boisterous greetings suddenly echoing through the phone.

“YN, I HAVE A NEW VIKING HELMET TO SHOW YOU!” Tae, of course.

“Tae stole my helmet after he lost his, actually.” And there was Joonie.

Suddenly, a voice, rough around the edges yet achingly familiar pierced through the chaotic backdrop of their conversation.

"Hi, superstar."

Her breath caught in her throat at the sound.

"Hey, Jungkook," she replied softly, her voice barely above a whisper.

She heard the click of a door on the other end of the line and quiet finally returned. They were alone. "So, what's the occasion?” Jungkook asked casually, “Don’t tell me you’re missing us already."

Her lips curved into a wistful smile at his playful tone, "Oh, you know, just wondering when I’ll get to see your faces again," she replied, "if you ever come back to America, that is."

His laughter echoed through the phone, a comforting sound that washed over her like a soothing balm. "Yeah, who knows when that’ll happen," he admitted, the weariness of their never-ending tour evident in his tone. "Don’t worry, though," he added, "your favorite band will probably play the city of angels soon enough."

A grin tugged at her lips as she teased, "Are the Beatles planning a reunion?"

Jungkook's laughter filled the air once more. "Oh, come on," he chuckled. "And then they wonder why we’re taking the long way home," he mumbled, his words laced with mock-offence. In that moment, as their laughter mingled, she felt a sense of peace wash over her.

"For real though," she said, her smile softening as she spoke, "you should come by sometime.”

"Meh,” he shrugged, his tone nonchalant, “California weather isn’t really my cup of tea."

Of course, she thought with a hint of amusement. He never liked the dry heat. Always complained about it. The boys used to joke that it was the Busan in him. You can take the man out of the city, but not the city out of the man, right?

Still, YN wasn’t discouraged. They'd always found a way to make the best of it before. They could do whatever they'd want. They could hit up all the old places, reminisce about the good times. Maybe throw a rager of a party, get his favorite liquor off the top shelf and dance 'til dawn. Like old times. LA had many flaws, but it had always been a great time touring there with the boys.

"Come on," she insisted, her voice gentle yet persuasive. "I’ll even pick you guys up from the airport."

"Princess treatment, huh?" he teased, "Tempting."

There was a beat of silence. This was her shot.

"So," she said softly, her voice betraying a hint of apprehension. "Everything's alright with you?"

“Didn’t get the dirt from Hobi, huh?” he taunted.

“Answer the question, punk,” she replied gently.

"Yeah, yeah,” he replied, his tone casual and breezy, “everything's been great."

YN played with the sand absentmindedly. She wished she could tell him that he didn't have to act all strong and cool with her all the time. She wished she could only reassure him that she would always think the world of him, always see him as the brightest of the brightest stars. No matter what.

But instead, she remained silent, her words trapped within the confines of her mind.

"What about you?" Jungkook's voice pulled her out of her thoughts.

Caught off guard by the sudden shift in focus, she found herself faced with yet another dilemma. There was plenty new with her. Too much, perhaps. Or too much for small talk over the phone, at least.

"Well, you know,” she replied with a forced nonchalance, “same old, same old."

“Oh," he paused, "okay.”

She winced at his noticeable disappointment, knowing she was keeping him at arm's length, too. On top of being a coward she was a hypocrite.

"Hey,” she interjected, changing the topic in an attempt to lighten the mood, “guess where I am right now."

"Oh, I’m not falling for that one" he chuckled, his amusement evident even through the phone. She once had a habit of ending up in the most unexpected of places, much to the group’s amusement and occasional frustration.

"It's nothing like that, Jeon," she reassured him, a small smile playing on her lips as she thought back to their past adventures.

"Well, go on then," he urged, curiosity piqued.

“That little beach in Santa Monica,” she revealed, waiting for his reaction.

There was a moment of silence on the other end of the line, and she couldn't help but wonder if he remembered. After all, there had been many beaches over the years, and the beach bars hadn't exactly helped them keep track of them all.

"The one right across from Jack’s," she added, hoping to jog his memory.

“Aw shit,” Jungkook blurted out, “the one where Tae-?”

“That’s the one,” she confirmed with a chuckle.

Yeah, it had been quite a night for them. A soft smile played on her lips as memories flooded back with vivid clarity. Drinking and dancing on the beach, the salt on her skin, and the pink cocktail umbrellas in her hair.

Jungkook had drunkenly written out a love declaration on the wet sand, to which she had responded with a nauseous heave, both from how horribly cheesy the gesture was and from the alcohol churning in her stomach.

Only it was Taehyung who had ended up bearing the brunt of their drunken escapade, his stomach unable to handle the excesses of the night. She remembered the sight of him retching into the sand, the clear water tainted with vibrant hues of Tequila Sunrise.

“Any remains?” Jungkook asked, his tone light but tinged with curiosity. She found herself wondering whether he was referring to the remnants of Tae's unfortunate mishap or to his own words carved in the sand. She shook off the thought.

“No,” she shook her head, “seems the tide took care of it.”

“Lucky for us,” he remarked.

“Yep,” she echoed, “lucky for us.”

There was a brief moment of silence between them.

“So, are you taking a day off to call old friends while you work on your tan?” Jungkook inquired, breaking the silence.

“Uh, well- not really,” YN replied, her voice faltering slightly. “I’m here for, uh, it’s- like- like a work thing.”

“Oh shit,” he began, “well, I don’t want to hold you up-”

“No, no, it’s fine,” she interjected quickly, not wanting to end the conversation just yet, “I’ve got plenty of tim-”

"Y/N, time for your closeup!" a booming voice interrupted her, and YN's head snapped to the side to see the director in the distance, holding a megaphone.

"…You were saying?" she could practically hear Jungkook's smirk, and he could practically see her eyeroll.

"Okay," she mumbled reluctantly. "Rain check?"

"For sure," he agreed, "you haven’t even gotten to tell me what’s new with you."

"Right," she said, waving to the filming crew to signal she’d be there in a moment.

There was another moment of silence. They’d never been any good at saying goodbye.

"I meant it, by the way," she said suddenly, her voice filled with sincerity.

"Huh?" Jungkook replied.

"If you come back to California, you should hit me up," she reiterated.

She heard him sigh gently. "Alright,” he said, his tone soft and warm. “I’ll catch you on the flip side, superstar."

"Catch you on the flip side, playboy," she replied, a bittersweet smile tugging at her lips as she hung up the phone.

She got up, brushing the sand off her robe as she made her way towards the set.

As she approached, her heart skipped a beat when she saw pretty-boy hopping towards her, his sparkling green eyes lighting up at the sight of her.

"There you are, love!" he exclaimed, sweeping her off her feet and spinning her around in a whirl of excitement.

"There I am," she replied with a smile, her heart fluttering at the warmth of his embrace.

"Thanks again” he said, “for doing this, I mean," he continued with a radiant smile.

"Are you kidding? You couldn’t keep me away if you tried," she beamed. “And you’re not shooting my face, anyway, right? So, it’s not like anybody will recognize me," she added with a playful wink, slipping off her robe to reveal her bikini and handing it to one of the stylists.

He eyed her with a gentle grin, admiration evident in his gaze."Alright, I'll swing by craft service, and I'll be right back. You do your thing, love," he said, his voice filled with warmth and affection. "I trust you." With a final smile, he headed off, leaving her to prepare for the shoot ahead.

She was quickly ushered to the filming spot, where she was briefed on the various angles the director had in mind as the stylists worked on final touch-ups.

"Not a bad day to be Y/N, huh?" a makeup artist declared with a knowing grin.

Caught off guard by the comment, YN hummed inquisitively, "Uh?"

"Well, it's not every day your boyfriend writes a hit song about you," the makeup artist elaborated with a wink.

“Oh,” YN nodded, "right."

As she looked to the horizon, her mind involuntarily drifted to the countless songs another boy had written and sang about her, what felt like ages ago. Most of them had never seen the light of day, let alone the inside of a recording studio; destined to remain tucked away tenderly in the corners of her memory, along with images of messy sheets and late-night drives. But that soft, gentle voice echoed in her mind, still.

“Totally,” she added with a polite smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes.

After a moment, the styling team scattered. The music started playing and the cameras finally began to roll.

“Tastes like strawberries, on a summer evening…”

___________

Guess who’s baaaaack???? Hope you all liked it! Please interact lol, I am desperate for any reaction at all. Help a girl out, army. Xxx

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todayisawthewhxlewxrld · 7 months

Text

"Lost It though, lost that privilege with a hundred more."

"your heart’s compatible mine breaks alone."

synopsis// bakugo is too little too late

pairing// katsuki bakugo x gn!reader

word count// 2.4k

contents// angst. like just angst. hurt/no comfort. pro hero!au. brief mentions of puking for anyone who has problems with that...

notes// this is super cringe bc i wrote it many moons ago and im only posting this bc i want it out of my drafts NOW... its ruining the rest of my GOODISH drafts. get out of here. leave. also guys you are NEVER going to believe this... this is inspired by a song... i know i know... how new and exciting and never before done by me right? its inspired by sweet talk by dear and the headlights (SO GOOD DEAR GOD)

Bakugo is stuck staring at his phone screen—or more specifically, the email within it—when Izuku busts out of the bathroom and into the living room where he’s lying.

“Did you get the email?” Izuku asks almost breathlessly.

“What do you think, nerd?” Bakugo rolls his eyes before turning his attention to Izuku, who’s only in a towel. “Izuku, why the fuck are you naked right now.”

“I was taking a shower!” he defends himself. “Are you going?”

he scoffs. “Why would I want to go to a reunion filled with our shitty high school classmates?”

Izuku sighs and rolls his eyes. “Because it would be good for your hero image?”

He hums. He hadn't considered that; he was thinking of something else. Bakugo asks, looking away, “Uh, do you think they’ll be there?..”

“Why don’t you text them and find out?” Izuku states the obvious.

“You know I’m not doing that,” Bakugo scowls.

Izuku rolls his eyes and starts walking back to the bathroom as he calls out, “Then suffer!!”

☆。*。☆。☆。*。☆。☆。*。☆。☆。*。☆。☆。

You’re sitting on your bed glaring at the email on your phone, and you don’t even realize you’re doing it until your boyfriend, who you didn't even noticed had entered the room, speaks up;

“Y/n?” he calls out softly.

You hum lowly in faint acknowledgment.

“You’re glaring at your phone,” he points out quietly.

“No, I’m not,” you mumble.

“Did you get the email?” he asks through a short laugh.

You sigh and nod, only for him to take your phone and turn it off before shoving it in his pocket. “Kirishima-“

“Don’t kirishima me,” he says, sitting next to you and pulling you into his embrace. “What good is glaring at the email gonna do?”

“Make it delete itself, I don’t know,” you mumble against him.

He hums and places his head atop yours. “Do you not wanna go?”

You groan and bury yourself deeper into his embrace. “It’s not that I don’t want to go; it’s just that… I don’t know. I don’t talk to any of them except for you-“

“I would hope so; I’m your boyfriend,” he interrupts with a poor joke.

“Kirishima,” you deadpan.

He kisses the top of your head. “Sorry, continue.”

“Like I was saying,” you continue, “I fell out with everyone like a year after coming to America…"

He nods, “I get it.”

You pull away from him slightly to look at him with a frown. “You don’t talk with any of them now either?”

He shrugs and gives you a small smile. “I mean, I talk to Denki and them once in awhile, but maybe this is exactly what we need to reconnect with our old friends, you know?”

“Yeah, maybe,” you mutter, turning your gaze to your hands, which have been fumbling with the hem of your shirt.

He frowns before placing a hand on your chin and tilting your head upward to look at him. “So?” he asks expectantly.

A small smile tugs at your lips. “So we’ll go, Kiri.”

He returns your smile, but even wider. “Good, I really didn’t wanna go by myself.”

“You were gonna leave me?” you exclaim dramatically.

He stifles a laugh. “Well, not anymore!”

You turn away from him. “Nah, I don’t wanna hear it—you're fake.”

He mumbles, “Shut up,” and rolls his eyes before grabbing your face and kissing you. You smile into it. Yeah, who cares if you haven’t talked to half of those people in a few years? This could be good! Maybe you’d even reconnect with your old best friend; Lord knows you’ve been dreaming about it since the moment you two fell out in the first place…

☆。*。☆。☆。*。☆。☆。*。☆。☆。*。☆。☆。

The closer the reunion got, the more on edge you became, which explains why on the day of, you were in your hotel bathroom with your head in the toilet, throwing up. Kirishima rubs your back soothingly as he sits on the edge of the tub.

“We can skip it and get a flight back home, y/n,” he suggests softly.

You shake your head and flush the toilet before wiping your mouth with your hand. “No, we didn’t fly all the way back here only to fly back because I can’t handle my nerves.”

he sighs. “I don’t care about that; I care about you being comfortable,” he says as he helps you up.

He laughs when you smile at him, teeth and all. You have to think about why he’s laughing for a moment until it hits you and you slap a hand over your mouth. “I have puke in my teeth, don’t I?”

He nods, his laughter dying down. “You might.” He kisses the top of your head. “Can I trust you to get ready without puking again?”

You shrug, your hand still over your mouth. “Maybe.”

Kirishima hums. “Good enough,” he says before kissing the back of your hand that covers your mouth and then leaving you to your own devices.

Now that you’ve puked up all your nerves (for the most part), you’re able to get ready with ease, but it isn’t until you’re finally at the reunion that your nerves start acting up again. Kirishima quickly noticed this when he felt how clammy the hand he was holding had gotten.

He squeezes your hand reassuringly. “Say the word, and we’ll leave right now, y/n.”

You shake your head. “No, Kiri, it's fine really..”

He grabs your chin with his free hand and forces you to look at him, his eyes looking straight through you. “Promise?”

You nod against his hold. “Promise.”

Before Kirishima can get another word in, he hears someone call him from a few feet away. He lets go of your face, but his hand remains in yours as he turns to see Denki and a few others waving him over. He turns back toward you and looks like he’s about to invite you along, but you shake your head and have to practically rip your hand out of his.

“Go!” you urge him. “Go reconnect with them; that’s what we came here for, right?”

He frowns and reluctantly nods. “What about you?”

You give a lighthearted shrug. “Don’t worry bout me, Kiri, just go.”

He sighs and gives you a quick kiss before waving goodbye and making his way toward his old friends, leaving you awkwardly standing there. Once he’s out of sight, you sigh and look around like a lost puppy.

“Well, this is fun,” you mumble.

You're drinking some random punch you found that you’re pretty sure is spiked, but don’t mind, for a few more minutes when you spot a familiar blond spikey-haired boy in the distance. You’re not sure what comes over you, but the next thing you know, you’re abandoning your drink on a random table and running toward him.

“Katsuki!” You practically scream as you roughly pull him into a hug. “You have no idea how happy I am to see you!”

He groans and tenses up at the contact but hugs you back regardless. “Didn’t know you were coming… Can you let go now?”

“Last minute decision,” you remark, squeezing him even tighter, “and you say that yet you’re still hugging me too, you know.”

You feel him grow warm in embarrassment before he lets go of you. “Your turn, dumbass.”

You laugh as you let go of him. Who knew someone could miss being called a dumbass? “I really am happy to see you, Katsuki… It’s been so long!”

Bakugo hums in agreement and shoves his hands into his pockets, a habit he can’t seem to get rid of. “Yeah, I’m happy to see you too, y/n.”

“So, what’s new?" you inquire cheerfully. "You know, besides being the number two hero and all.”

He narrows his eyes at you, and had you not previously been his best friend, you would’ve thought he was about to tear you a new one. “Says the number one hero in America?"

You wave him off. “Ah, that’s nothing,” you say coyly. “But seriously, what’s new?”

“Just hero shit, honestly,” Bakugo shrugs. “you?”

You open your mouth to tell him about Kirishima but quickly come to the conclusion that that’s a terrible idea. Had Bakugo been a normal best friend, then yes, you would tell him in a heartbeat. The problem is that he wasn’t just a normal best friend. For the entirety of highschool, you and Bakugo were stuck in this limbo of not just best friends but not quite lovers, so talking about boyfriends when he was almost yours simply doesn’t seem right.

“Y/n?” he asks impatiently.

You laugh slightly. “Sorry, uh, same with me, just hero shit..”

Bakugo looks at you in suspicion, removing his hands from his pockets just to cross them. “Doesn’t seem like it.”

You avoid his stare, which is a horrible mistake; now he'll really know you're hiding something. “What?”

“You were gonna say something else, so just say it, dumbass,” he adds, narrowing his eyes at you.

You laugh nervously, staring back at him, “I wasn't g-“

“Y/n just say it; we're—we were best friends; I’m pretty sure you can tell me anything at this point.” He cuts you off, but his tone is surprisingly gentle.

The problem here is that you weren’t just best friends.

You sigh, knowing he won’t let up until you just tell him, so you might as well get this out of the way now. “I have a boyfriend,” you mumble nervously.

Bakugo’s heart drops, and he thinks he just went through the five stages of grief within ten seconds before asking, “You have a boyfriend?”

You awkwardly clear your throat and offer a small smile. “Uh, yeah!”

In disbelief, he scoffs and mumbles to himself, “You have a boyfriend…”

You nod. “Katsuki, are you okay?..”

He completely ignores you and snaps out of whatever trance he was in. “So who is he? Some American dude?”

You mentally curse him for asking who. “Uh no, it's, uh, it's actually Kirishima,” you nervously laugh.

Bakugo can feel small sparks starting to light up within his hands and wipes them against his pants. “How’d that happen?” he says blankly, as if he’s mentally checked out, which at this point, he’s trying to.

You’re surprised by his curiosity and overall lack of hostility, but you’re happy about it nonetheless. “Oh, well!" you explain happily, no longer fearful of it being awkward, "We had met up when he moved out to America, and, um, I don’t know, we just clicked, I guess?”

Bakugo scoffs to himself. “What, couldn’t have me, so you went with second best?”

Before completely processing what he said, you stare at him in complete disbelief. “What the actual fuck, Bakugo?” you snap.

His blood runs cold; he didn’t realize he actually said that out loud, and to make matters worse, you stopped using his first name; he fucked up. He fucked up big time. “Shit y/n, I'm sorry I didn't-“

“Don’t tell me you didn’t mean it because that’s bullshit,” you say sternly, pointing a finger at him as if scolding a child. “You know you meant that shit.”

“Y/n-,“ he tries to get a word in.

“You don't get to be mad,” you chide.

“I'm not mad!” Bakugo shouts.

“You’re not mad?” You repeat sarcastically because you know he is. “Why else would you say that, then?”

Bakugo groans, his shoulders dropping. “I don't know!”

You ignore him as suddenly all your pent-up emotions and feelings toward him begin to pour out of you. “What did you want me to do, Bakugo? Wait for you? If you forgot, I did!”

“I never asked you to,” he says flatly, his demeanor tense.

“You didn't have to!” you exclaim. “I waited for you because I loved you! I thought… I thought that we could somehow make it work even if we were long distance, and then you stopped texting and calling, so I picked up your slack! and all I got were one-word answers, so I stopped texting and calling too because I wanted to give you space. I kept telling myself that you just needed space, and you’d come back; you'd text me again, but you never did.”

His eyes glaze over as he remembers what he did to you and how he ghosted you because he thought that would be the best option, and obviously now he’s realizing that was actually the worst option he could have chosen. “Y/n, I'm sorry.”

“I don’t want your fucking sorrys,” you spit out. “You’re a piece of shit, Bakugo.”

He sniffles; he knows he is, he just didn’t want you to know that as well. “Y/n, can we please just forget I said anything?“

You laugh. “No, we can't, because even disregarding what happened between us a long time ago, you still called one of your so-called high school best friends second best to you.”

Bakugo is in defensive mode now; he knows he can't come back from this, so why not make it worse? “You only care because he’s your fucking boyfriend; you didn't give a fuck when I called half of these fucking people here second best to me in high school,” he sneers, his voice shaking with rage.

Your jaw tightens as you nod. You’d say you can't believe he'd throw something like that in your face, but it’s Bakugo; when someone goes low, he goes lower. “Fuck you, Bakugo.”

He notices you turning around to begin walking away, and he's ready to reach out and stop you when you look at him from over your shoulder.

“You know, I really was excited to see you,” you mumble, disappointedly. “Bye, Bakugo."

Bakugo's hand falls back to his side as he watches you walk away. When he hears someone behind him, he fights back tears as his hands clench into fists, angry at himself.

“Kacchan,” Izuku says softly.

Bakugo sniffles and wipes his nose roughly. “Fuck off, nerd.”

He ignores him. “I heard most of it.”

Bakugo turns around to face Izuku, his face red and his jaw clenched. “I’m a piece of shit, aren’t I?”

Izuku says nothing but offers Bakugo a small smile as he opens his arms as if to invite him into his embrace, and yes, if this were high school or middle school Bakugo, he would probably scoff and say something to make himself an even bigger piece of shit and then leave, but this is a different Bakugo—well, different in only some aspects apparently—so Bakugo quite literally falls into Izuku’s embrace, the weight causing Izuku to stumble backwards for a moment before he stabilizes both himself and Bakugo, strong enough to carry the both of them, letting Bakugo cry into his arms.

Katsuki Bakugo was too little, too late.

Katsuki Bakugo would always be too little, too late.

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