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glitterp0prhaps0dy · 2 months

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Heartbreak part 2

WARNING: I DID NOT PROOF READ THIS, IF THERES ANY SPELLING MISTAKES OR GRAMMER MISTAKES JUST IGNORE IT I WROTE HALF OF IT DURING SCHOOL.

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John Dory burst from Branch's bunker, a whirl of emotions etched on the faces of those left inside. Floyd's expression was tinged with worry, Bruce wore a mask of confusion, and Clay seemed nothing short of irritated. Branch broke the tense silence with a blunt, "What the actual fuck just happened?

Seated on a beanbag, Floyd shifted, glancing at his brothers. "He looked like he was on the verge of a panic attack, not at all himself," he said, his concern palpable as he exchanged a meaningful look with Bruce. "I'm going to check on him. We can't let him wander off when he's this upset," Floyd declared.

Floyd grasped his wooden cane and painstakingly rose from the beanbag. He made his way to the bunker's elevator, pulled the lever, and ascended, leaving the bunker.

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John Dory burst through Rhonda's door, slamming it shut as he collapsed to the floor, his breaths coming in heavy gasps and sweat beading his forehead.

Gathering his strength, he pulled himself up using the countertop for support and staggered toward the loft. Once there, he climbed into his bed and reached under his pillow for something concealed there—a blue plushie. This wasn't just any toy; it was a Flopper Hopper, distinguished by its large green button eyes and long, fuzzy ears, though one ear was notably damaged, missing its latter half.

Clutching the plushie tightly, John curled into a fetal position and began to cry, his tears soaking into the soft fabric of the doll.

John's eyes wandered upwards, resting on the tapestry of memories plastered across his ceiling. Among the snapshots capturing his wild escapades on the Neverglade trail, one photo held his gaze longer than the others. It wasn't just any picture—it was a heartfelt reminder of a different kind of adventure.

Centered amidst the chaos of his thrilling journey memories, this particular photo was more personal, more intimate. It featured a woman with hair that flowed like a cascade of deep, reddish-pink sunset, her skin aglow with a yellow sparkle that seemed to light up the room. Cradled in her arms was a baby, a tiny mirror of her luminosity but with hair the color of the deepest sea green, tinged with teal.

This picture, unlike the others, spoke of a journey not across wild landscapes but through the

realms of love and connection. The striking visual contrast between the woman and the baby, with their shared glittery skin and uniquely colored hair, painted a vivid image of familial bonds and the beauty of heritage. It was a precious, frozen moment that John cherished, a beacon of warmth and love amidst his adventurous exploits.

This photo was John's sole keepsake of them together, the singular testament to their intertwined lives. Clutching the child's doll, he felt the weight of memories it carried. Beneath his glove, hidden from the world, lay his ring—a silent vow, a whisper of a life once promised. These items were more than mere objects; they were the guardians of his regrets, the symbols of the heartbreaking truth that he would never see them again.

As tears streamed down his face, soaking into the fabric of the doll, John's whispered apologies filled the quiet of the room. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I couldn't protect you, I failed you both," he repeated, his voice a broken melody of sorrow and guilt. Each word was a testament to his pain, a sorrowful lullaby that spoke of loss, love, and the unbearable weight of his remorse.

The persistent knocking at the door seemed to dissolve into the void of John Dory's grief, his ears deaf to anything beyond the echoes of his own sorrow. When Floyd received no response, driven by concern and impatience, he decided to take matters into his own hands. With a determined push, the door swung open, and he entered the armadillo bus, his presence unannounced

Navigating the stairs proved a challenge, his cane a necessary but cumbersome companion that made the ascent more difficult than usual. However, Floyd's resolve was unwavering. As he entered, he paused, scanning the space with a keen eye. It didn't take long for the muffled sounds of John's despair to guide him towards the loft.

Spotting John, Floyd hastened his pace, an urgency fueled by concern propelling him forward. The ladder to the loft posed another hurdle, but Floyd navigated it with a clumsy determination, mindful of the limited space. John's form occupied most of the loft, leaving Floyd to awkwardly balance on the ladder, his presence now impossible to ignore.

Floyd's heart ached as he witnessed the depth of John's sorrow. With every fiber of his being urging him to offer some solace, he carefully navigated the tight space of the loft, settling near John yet ensuring he respected his need for personal space. In the dim light, Floyd's presence was a silent beacon of empathy and understanding.

"John," Floyd's voice was a soft murmur, a gentle breeze in the stifling air of grief. "I'm here for you." His words floated in the space between them, an offer of support, laden with unspoken promises of companionship through the storm of sorrow.

The loft was cramped, but at that moment, it felt like the entire world had narrowed down to this intimate setting of raw emotions. Floyd, sensitive to John's need for space yet eager to offer comfort, extended a tentative hand but paused, letting it hover in the air for a moment. He wanted to bridge the gap between them, to offer a touch that said everything words could not, but he also understood the sanctity of personal grief. He waited, allowing John to dictate the terms of their interaction.

As the silence stretched on, Floyd remained a steadfast presence, his heart silently breaking for his brother. "If you need anything—a glass of water, or someone to just sit with you—I'm here," he offered softly, his words laced with the warmth of genuine concern.

And so, Floyd waited, a quiet guardian in the night, ready to provide comfort or companionship, to listen or to share the silence. In the loft that night, amidst tears and whispered apologies, the foundation of their friendship deepened, grounded in the understanding that sometimes, just being present is the most profound support one can offer.

John continued to sob into the plushie, his emotions spilling over. Slowly, he rolled over to face Floyd, revealing eyes swollen and red from crying, with tear tracks marking his cheeks. As their gazes met, a fresh wave of tears surged, amplifying John's cries in a heart-wrenching crescendo of grief.

Floyd, moved by the sight of his brother's pain, reached out to pat John on the back, his expression etched with concern. "I couldn't save them. I couldn't protect them. I'm so sorry... I'm so, so sorry," John's voice broke with each word, a confession of his deepest regret.

Floyd, initially puzzled by John's words, followed his gaze to the collage of photos adorning the ceiling above the loft. His eyes settled on the photograph of the woman and the baby, a realization dawning on him. With a heavy heart, he whispered, "Oh... John, I'm so sorry," now understanding the depth of John's loss and the source of his profound sorrow.

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i hope you guys like it :D i have alot of ideas for this au! feel free to give feedback or ask questions

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nochukoo97 · 11 months

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p.s. i love you (2)

pairing: doctor!jungkook x doctor!oc

summary: you manage to let your health get the better of you, and when you faint in the operating room, theres a certain man ready to scoop you into his arms and bring you home to take care of you.

warnings: oc faints being on her period, jk takes care of her afterwards and brings her back to his place, but jk is being SO confusing in expressing his feelings, they end up sharing a bed 🥹

word count: 1.8k+

p.s. i love you masterlist!

- p.s. i love u (1)

You’re reluctant to walk back into the hospital the next day, not because you don’t want to work, because of a certain man who embraced you and called you “baby” yesterday.

Maybe that was it, since nothing else happened after that.

You sit down far away from Jungkook in the briefing room, and as much as you want to peer at him to see if he notices your presence, you control yourself.

The briefing is quick, your head of department deploys you and Jungkook again to look over new students who were practicing in the hospital.

It’s awkward when your head of department exits the room, there’s tension in the air as neither one of you says a word.

Jungkook takes the first move and walks out of the room, not sparing you a glance.

Immediately you start to overthink, wondering if he was mad at you, or if yesterday meant nothing to him.

It wasn’t like he kissed you anyways, the pet name probably slipped out with meaning.

Even though your heart had ached a little after he had practically ignored you, you had to move on with your busy day.

Throughout the day, you didn’t have any appointments with Jungkook, meaning you’d probably not even interact with him today at all.

Yet you somehow manage to let the man slip into your thoughts at every appointment, clearly affected by how he had paid you no attention after yesterday.

Did he think you were weird? Did he just say and do all that out of sympathy yesterday? Maybe you were overlooking everything.

“Excuse me, Ms ___,” The current patient, a young female, had cleared her throat, catching you daydreaming while she was telling you her symptoms.

“I’m so sorry, I spaced out, could you repeat that again for me?”

You frantically apologise to her, as she repeats her sentences again, this time with a bit of agitation hinted in her voice.

You seriously need to get him out of your head.

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You go to bed with a heavy heart, overwhelmed by the amount of feelings and stress you’ve been met with.

All thanks to Jeon Jungkook, who confuses you so fucking much.

You’re hesitant as you finger hovers over the send button:

you: hey jungkook, just wanted to check, we have to look over a bunch of students doing the surgery for Mrs Park tomorrow, you’ll be there?

You press send and quickly shut off your phone.

There's a vibration against your chest where you phone is.

You take a deep breath as you slowly lift your phone, anticipating the worst.

He’d probably be annoyed that you even texted him, maybe he’ll tell you to piss off, or reply an ‘Ok.’ or a ‘Yes.’

jungkook: yeah ill be there, see you! 🙃

Oh.

You catch yourself smiling a little too hard at the text, slapping your face and telling yourself that he probably texts like that to everyone.

He plays with your feelings too much.

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You wake up to your alarm blaring, groaning as you stretch your arm over to turn the alarm off.

It’s 5am in the morning.

And your sheets are stained red.

What a better way to start off your day with your period, you stained your newly washed sheets and the cramps in your lower belly begins to start.

Cringing as you climb off your mattress, you hurriedly rip off the sheets and toss it in the washing machine, cursing at yourself for not noticing that the date of your period had been nearing.

You feel like absolute shit, you couldn’t even stand to brush your teeth from how lightheaded you felt.

The blood draining from out your body made you practically immobile from how dizzy you were, but in this case you couldn’t just skip work, you had a whole day of important meetings and tasks which would be a pain to shift to another day.

You stuff a good number of pads in your bag as you get ready to leave the house, mentally preparing for the long and dreadful day ahead.

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You’re shifting uncomfortably in your driver’s seat as you pull into the carpark of the hospital, giving yourself a pep talk to not cry or burst into tears the moment you walk in. You were definitely not in the mood for this today.

Still you walked into the office with a smile, hopefully no one can tell you’re actually hiding a full face of pain as your lower abdomen clenches again, causing pain to shoot around your body.

Walking into the surgery room as you greet the students, you spot Jungkook all geared up in his attire as he gives you a small wave.

You smile under your mask waving back, but he can’t see, from all the surgical attire you were wearing.

He doesn’t need to know anyways.

So far everything is going well, the students seem to be well trained in both preparing and carrying out the surgery, you and Jungkook give tips here and there to the students as they actively receive the feedback, eager to learn.

It makes you happy to see such enthusiastic future doctors and surgeons.

However, those happy thoughts don’t last long as you’re hit with another dizzy spell, the cramps in your abdomen increasing by the second.

Your vision goes hazy, you know you should be taking a break with how much pain you’re in, and the fact that you were about to lose balance.

But you didn’t listen to your body, telling yourself to bear it a little longer, it was only a matter of minutes until the surgery was about to be finished.

The next thing you know, you feel yourself falling to the ground, losing consciousness.

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Jungkook is too far from you to react in time, as he watches you fall to the ground, head hitting the floor with a loud thud.

The students in the room whip their head towards you, all gasping and some rushing to you.

Jungkook reaches you in a matter of seconds, he cradles your head as he attempts to shake you gently, trying to wake you up.

“Okay guys, we need to finish the surgery, it’s important that in these type of situations, we cannot leave the patient hanging,” He makes an effort to use this as a lesson for the students,

“I’ll bring her over to a room to be taken care of, and I’ll get the nurses here to call another doctor to look over the procedure okay?”

The students nod, some still shocked at the sudden situation.

Jungkook signals for the nurse to page for another doctor to come in, and he carries you, rushing you out of the room to call for a room and more help.

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As you open your eyes, your vision clears up, as you stare at the white tiled ceiling.

Where were you?

You start to regain your senses, feeling a heavy weight near your thigh.

Jungkook’s head is resting on your lap, soft snores fill the room, his hand enveloped in yours.

Gosh.

Your poor heart begins to thud against your chest for the millionth time this week.

You reach your other hand towards his sleeping face, brushing a strand of hair away from his shut eyes.

His hand tightens around yours as he stirs in his sleep, eyes slowly opening as you panic,

“Are you feeling better?” Jungkook’s voice is raspy, he sits up and tucks your hair behind your ear.

He tells the whole story about how you had completely passed out on the floor

Jungkook makes sure to include the part how he was the one who carried you in here

“Yeah, thanks for bringing me here,” You whisper, you’re trying not to lose it from his ministrations.

“You should take better care of yourself y’know, if you needed a break you could’ve told me, I would have let you rest,”

His words make you dizzier than your period does.

“I can take care of myself, I just, I wanted to bear it a little longer since the procedure was almost done, maybe I overestimated myself,” Your fiddling with your hands as you speak, not daring to look into his eyes.

Jungkook’s tattooed hand grabs yours,

“Well I’ll make sure to stand near you from now on, I’ll catch you if you fall,” He teases you, playing with your hands as he smirks at you.

“Don’t say that,” You roll your eyes at him playfully, even though you were currently about to go insane deep inside.

“I mean it though,”

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And somehow the night ended with you here, hands around Jungkook’s waist as he swerves his motorcycle around the cars, bringing you back to his apartment.

You don’t know how you ended up here, but Jungkook is extremely good at convincing you to stay at his apartment, saying that he “doesn’t want you to collapse alone in your apartment so you should stay in case,”

You’d take any excuse he gives you anyday.

“Sorry if my apartment’s a little messy, wasn’t expecting anyone over,” Jungkook mumbles as he opens the door

You don’t have time to respond to him before you squeal at the doberman whose tail is wagging excitedly at the new visitor in his house.

“Oh my gosh~~” You coo at the dog, your period pain long forgotten.

“Sorry if he’s being jumpy or licky, he tends to get excited when there’s new visitors,” Jungkook explains, placing your shoes next to his at the entrance of the door.

“It’s fine gguk, stop apologising for things when you’re literally doing me a huge favour,” You laugh, then you go quiet for a second from letting the nickname slip.

Shit, it’s your turn now.

“Gguk?” Jungkook teases you, but you only slap his arm playfully in response as he raises an eyebrow in amusement.

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Jungkook’s cooking dinner for the both of you as you stand next to him, mesmerised by his cooking skills.

“Oh my gosh, smells so good,” You groan as you watch him stir the fried rice in the pan, palms leaning on the counter.

“Yeah?” Jungkook smiles, turning to you.

You’re caught off guard by his smile, you cough and turn away from him before he can watch you turn red.

Suddenly you’re extremely interested in Bam who’s sleeping in his cage, squatting at the entrance, you pretend to be intrigued by the dog.

Jungkook chuckles at you, his heart warm as he watches your flustered state.

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“You can take my bed, I’ll sleep on the couch,” Jungkook leads you into his bedroom as you scan the room.

It’s simple and modern, definitely what you thought his bedroom would look like,

Not that you imagined his bedroom or anything.

“But this is your room! I can’t just kick you out of your own bedroom,” You would feel awful if you made him sleep on the couch of his own house.

“Okay then we can sleep here together then, you’re not sleeping on the couch either,” Jungkook plops on his bed, tapping the space beside him.

“Come on, there’s lots of space,”

Jeon Jungkook’s going to be the death of you.

#jungkook fluff #jungkook #jungkook au #jungkook ff #jungkook smut #jungkook x oc #jungkook x reader #bts #bts ff #bts fic #jungkook angst #jungkook imagine #boyfriend jungkook #jungkook fanfic

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piedpiperart · 11 months

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Phantom of Gotham 17

Chapter 16

“Shoot, we didn’t ask Phantom about Danny,”Dick groaned.

“I asked him a bit, but it uh. It seemed private,”Tim chimed in from where he was sitting at the batcomputer with his pajamas on. They’d changed when they had gotten back, but stuck around to debrief.

“Yeah, what the fuck were you thinking going into some glowing green portal by yourself?” Jason let out, exasperated. Tim just shrugged, not pausing in his typing.

“You could have come with you know,”Tim argued. “He said it was safe, and we just flew to this frozen island to get Frostbite, then flew back.”

“Frozen island? Wait a minute, what was it like in there?” Dick asked, bouncing on his feet with Damian scowling at his side in batman pajamas.

“Well, it’s kind of like… okay, imagine the sky is green, just like the portal. Now imagine you’re floating in the green sky and theres no ground. So theres only sky around you and as you keep moving theres things floating in the sky as you go along, like random doors and floating islands,” Tim explained. “Its really interesting actually, apparently most of the floating islands or doors lead to a ghosts haunt, or territory. Frostbites was huge and he and his people lived in these snowy mountain caves, but their technology was super advanced. I didn’t get a lot of time to ask about it but apparently Frostbite is like the Zone’s doctor.”

“Huh,” Dick murmured, trying to wrap his brain around all of that information. The other bats didn’t seem much better.

Tim sighed. “Just read my report.”

“Creepy ghost zone aside,”Jason shuddered,”What did you mean when you said you talked to Phantom about Danny? And why were you two running around looking for boxes?”

“I asked why Danny had uh.. Autopsy scars, and Phantom said that the Fentons found out about Danny and locked him in their lab. Phantom couldn’t get to him immediately, so they had time to uh, do a few experiments,”Tim gritted out.”But Phantom got him out eventually and they made their way here.”

None of them were happy about that, but it was mostly what they had speculated. Still, confirming what they thought wasn’t a good feeling. Tim could see Jason’s fists clenching and decided on a distraction.

“As for the boxes,”Tim grinned.”On our way back we ran into a ghost who had an obsession with boxes, so I promised to give some to Frostbite for him when we were done.”

Jason didn’t know what to do with that information, so he just elected to ignore it. Dick on the other hand, had many questions. “Why boxes?”

“I was told he is the ruler of all things cardboard and square,”Tim repeated, laughing internally at their faces. “Phantom calls him Boxy.”

“Huh,”Dick said again, and Tim was starting to get concerned. He shrugged, they could just read his report about it.

“Wait, was Boxy the one that had a kid?” Jason said suddenly, and they all grimaced.

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Flying back to the Wayne Manor, Danny could see hardly any snow outside. He knew they’d probably continue school tomorrow, or the next day. Part of him trusted the bats, but he wasn’t sure if he was ready to reveal his identity yet. He knew he couldn’t stay there any longer for fear of the Wayne-Bats wanting to find him a place to stay or getting involved more than they were, but Danny didn’t want their civilian sides getting too involved.

He knew that after three portals were opened in one space had a high possibility of alerting GIW or Vlad of his location. If he wanted to avoid them, he couldn’t stay with the Waynes. Danny wasn’t sure if they still had a way of tracking him, but they could definitely track huge power sources like the portals he’d made.

Danny floated down to his room and eyed his bag in the corner. He’d kept it fully packed in case he needed to leave, but he felt bad leaving without a goodbye. Maybe he could write a note? It was for the best, really. He didn’t want his parents or Agent K breaking into the manor or hurting the Waynes. Sure, they could fight the agents no problem, but they might give their identities away. Or worse, Vlad could break into the manor. It would be easy for Vlad to find him if he ended up on any of the Wayne’s social media. Danny was pretty sure the fruitloop jealously stalked Bruce on every social media platform that ever existed.

Maybe that’s how Vlad got the idea to adopt a blue eyed black haired teenager? Danny mused, then shook his head. Then he stopped. Actually, that made some sense. Danny frowned. Okay, so maybe Vlad’s plans weren’t even original. Whatever. Either way, he had to leave.

Yeah, he could write them a note, he thought, ignoring the sad feeling permeating his core.

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Despite the fact that they had school that morning, Tim hadn’t seen Danny yet. Usually, the boy would be in the kitchen cooking breakfast with Alfred, but not today Part of him wondered if Danny was sleeping still when he caught sight of Alfred’s face and the note laid on the table.

“What’s up Alfred? Where’s Danny?”Tim asked, taking a seat. Uncharacteristically, Alfred frowned and passed him the note gently.

“Master Danny has decided to return to his old place due to the snow letting up,”Alfred informed him, and Tim’s heart dropped. He grasped the note tighter and jerked his gaze to the letters.

Waynes-

Thank you for letting me stay with you all during the blizzard, but now that the snow has let up it’s time for me to leave. Sorry for not staying long enough for a goodbye, but I figured you’d try to convince me to stay, so, yeah. Don’t worry about me though, I’ll be fine. You have my number and I’ll be seeing Tim and Steph at school. Just please don’t call CPS or anything, I promise I’m much better off on my own. Anyways, thanks for letting me stay. It was nice to meet you all.

-Danny 𔓎

p.s. Please don’t call Red Hood to kidnap me again.

Tim let out a breath, reading the note again before putting it on the table. His mind was already racing with plans. Maybe Danny went back to the Pizzaria, so Red Robin could just swing by later. When did Danny even leave? He was sure they would have caught him on the security feed or Alfred would have at least caught him sneaking out.

“I believe Master Danny had left sometime last night,”Alfred said, cutting through his thoughts. “He left the note on his bed, and Master Bruce is unsure how he managed to avoid the cameras on his way.”

“You think Phantom took him?” Tim asked, but frowned. That didn’t make any sense. Maybe Danny just asked Phantom to get him? Was that why Phantom disappeared so quickly after the meeting?

“It seems that way,”Alfred said, pushing a plate of food at him. “Master Jason has since returned home, but has been alerted of the situation. Masters Bruce and Dick are in the cave, and Damian has already left for school in accordance to a field trip.”

“Hm,”Tim frowned. He assumed Jason would be swinging by the Pizzeria to check out Danny’s space. At least he knew he’d be seeing Danny at school, and, the letter was right, he did have Danny’s number. No doubt Damian was mad at Danny for leaving too, but maybe Jason would be able to find him again later and bring him back. Tim resigned himself to try to kidnap Danny to the manor after school.

In the meantime, he pulled out his phone with a frown.

Timkerbell

You better not be sleeping in the Pizzeria again

Snowdan

Me? Pshh, nah, I’d never. What are you talking about.

Timkerbell

I can’t believe you. You didn’t even say goodbye!

Snowdan

I will literally see you at school in an hour

Timkerbell

I can’t believe you’d rather be homeless than stay in a frikin manor. You know we’re rich right? One extra person isn’t a big deal.

Snowdan

You guys said I could leave when the snow stopped.

Timkerbell

Yeah because we thought you’d want to stay! You know that right? Literally everyone misses you. Even Damian.

Snowdan

Okay but I did say I was still gonna leave. Many times.

Timkerbell

Snowdan

Seriously. I don’t want to be a bother. Or have my family show up at your doorstep unannounced.

Timkerbell

Uh. Why would they do that

Snowdan

No reason.

On an unrelated note, if anyone in Blue/Orange jumpsuits or White suits show up at your door don’t let them in.

Timkerbell

Ah. That explains absolutely nothing thanks

Snowdan

Ur welcome. See u in class ༼ つ ╹ ╹ ༽つ

Tim frowned. So maybe people were still hunting Danny? The jumpsuits were obviously his parents, and the white suits is the Guys in White. Did Danny know that Tim would get the reference? Was it a warning of some sort? Tim rubbed his head, thinking of the impending headache this was gonna cause. Either way, if Danny was subtly warning them he’s still being hunted, then he should know they can handle themselves. And that they can protect him a whole lot better if he actually stayed in the manor.

Sighing, Tim got ready for school and made his way to the car. At least Alfred sent him with some cookies to give Danny. Or bribe him. Tim wasn’t opposed to blackmail.

Chapter 18

#Phantom of Gotham #Danny Phantom #dcxdp #dpxdc

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itgomyway · 9 months

Text

former limiting beliefs i used to hold and how i let them go ♡

(disclaimer: these are based off of my own experience! share yours on your own blog 🥰)

“the 3d HAS to reflect the 4d just understand you have it in your 4d no matter what.” um there is no separation between the 3d and 4d when you are already 1 being (consciousness). theres no need to live in a separate entity known as imagination when its the same as the “3d” anyways. the concepts of “imagination” “physical world” or “3d” are just false forms of consciousness youve made up and personified it as real. they are not. only you are.

“the more you repeat your affirmations the more likely they will come” theres nothing to “do” or say that will bring me my desires since i am everything i already am my desires. the idea of “doing” anything to “get something” outside of me doesnt make sense when its all in me. affirmations can be used to “bring things to your awareness” but understand the affirmations themselves are STILL not bringing you anyway. just making you aware of things.

“dont check the 3d! you’ll be in a state of lack/showing yourself you dont have it!” PLS GIVE ME A BREAK?? why the fuck are you telling urself you are with someone but afraid to check their socials or for their notifications? either date someone u like or you dont think you have it. because lets be honest. if you really were in a relationship with your desired person the idea of “checking the 3d”- which u already claim IS your 4d- shouldnt be an issue. and if it is then something aint right but i wont judge!

“youre in a state of neutrality if you dont care ab not getting your desires and you dont have them” damn yall strict asf. you cant even be indifferent without it meaning something. you either have it or you dont. if im indifférent its bc i have it why stress? fucking decide already

“neville taught ab non dualism!” here we go. then why tf did you misinterpret his words like that and make it sound obnoxious? i believe he did, just like his teacher, teach non dualism (the power of awareness by him is great) but his teachings are a far cry from the nonsense most of you spew in his name. and dont even get me started on how neville used to refer to the law of assumption as the “law of consciousness” but i digress. if you separate yourself or any aspects of being then it isnt non dualism.*

going into my next point “you HAVE to read source to understand!!” i am so glad most of the law of assumption community is breaking free from this mindset cuz you infact do not HAVE to read anything. if you are the operant (main) power doesnt this mean you are your own source? oh i thought so…

“work on your self concept to manifest your sp if you dont have them your sc is shitty” well it wasnt shitty til you told me i had work to do 💀. once again there is NOTHING you need to do but “be”. working on your sc can help u feel better ab yourself for sure but its not required!

for supposedly limitless beings, a lot of yall are very limited. be careful who you get your advice from because personally i wouldnt take after someone whos too scared to text their sp- oops i mean significant other. (disclaimer: once again not bashing loa just the users who can’t decide that they believe and switch every other day. very common on law of assumption twitter!)

if you realize youve been limiting yourself this whole time and now youre like “what now-“ well as ive stated before, theres STILL nothing you need to do. youre not missing anything. this isnt a blog on why you dont have your desires, i cant tell you the answer im not your creator. (you also are everything so you in fact have your desires)

like non dualism, i hope to share this way of life with you as you’re not getting anything so theres no need for limitations. LIVE YOUR LIFE. if someone is advising you to fear your own power then ignore them cuz wtf! life is suppose to be fun not a rule book!

*disclaimer: i have nothing against neville goddard. i really like some of his teachings. however i would never go to one of his living students for advice, ESPECIALLY on twitter. not only do most parrot the same limiting beliefs he himself didnt hold, but most are obnoxious about the topic of the law of assumption. i don’t even “manifest” but if i were trying to and had them to go to I’d probably cry. if you really wish to read “source”, read The Power Of Awareness by Neville Goddard and Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle 💜 learn from the teachers themselves FIRST <3

#consciousness #nondualism #nonduality #awareness #law of assumption #neville goddard

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n30nwrites · 9 months

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Bring Me To Life (Prologue)

Summary: Against all odds, you've survived. Having graduated high school and moved out of your Parent's place, your sibling decides to join you for the summer, and your first stop is Santa Cruz in California, you had always wanted to live there anyways so why not now that you're experiencing freedom? One problem: This doesn't look like the 21st century, instead it looks like a scene from your favorite movie, in fact it looks exactly like your favorite movie.

How are you meant to survive in the murder capital of the world? With vampires of all things, and your sibling hates this movie.

a/n: prologue for this fanfic, this will also be on AO3 and wattpad. Preface for this, fuck Max :}

Reader: Male Reader, uses Y/N, third person.

Oc uses they/she pronouns. Will be using both, Y/n refers to them as both sibling and sister, which is okay

Fandom: The Lost Boys

Pairing(s): Michael Emerson x Reader, Paul x Reader, Dwayne x Reader, Marko x Reader, David x Reader, Sam Emerson x Nonbinary! Oc, Edgar Frog x Nonbinary! Oc, Alan Frog x Nonbinary! Oc,

It was one thing moving the United States to California by yourself, it was another thing bringing your 15-year-old sibling with you, not to live with you, but to stay just until summer was over and school was starting again, your parents believed it would help with their 'rebellious streak'. That streak being that they just don't care enough to do class work and keep staying up all night playing video games, therefore they fall asleep in class.

Nik had a firm belief in changing the radio whenever any song that they didn't like came on, and you had a firm belief that your sibling needed to shut up because you liked your music and if you had to drive without some good tunes you would probably turn into the next psycho on the news.

You two did listen to similar music, but for this trip it was specifically 80s and 90s songs that you shouted loudly, windows were rolled down because the air conditioner in your car didn't work. It was small and shitty and cost a year of pay, thankfully your parents were there to let you live rent free. One of the few things you could be thankful for.

"Do you know how to be quiet?" Your sibling groaned, their jacket wrapped around their body despite how hot it was, "Put on Hozier, or Doja, hell I'll even take Taylor Swift over this... What is this shit?"

'Cry little sister'

"I know damn well you aren't talking to me about my music taste-"

'Thou shall not fall'

"What's wrong with mine?"

Come, come to your brother

"It's literally only tiktok songs, half of them aren't even good."

'Thou shall not die'

"At least I don't say 'They sung this on Glee'"

'Unchain me, sister'

"Every hot, mentally ill, gay person went through a Glee faze."

Thou shall not fear

"I didn't"

'Love is with your brother'

"That's why I said hot."

'Thou shall not kill'

You quickly stuck your tongue out in a childish way, before looking back into the road, ignoring your sibling who mumbled and repeated your words. "Theres a reason we're heading to Santa Cruz. Found a nice place right near the beach so we can-"

"Sleep all day, and party all night. I know, you've said it hundreds of times." Nik had heard the phrase from you so many times, you had tried to show them your favorite movie, even almost tricked them into it, but they were quick to leave the room. They simply hated it because you loved it, something you were forced to accept about them.

The car ride became silent as you got closer, to fill it, Nik had turned up the radio as it switched to a different song.

"Finally some MJ." The beat of Billie Jean came in, causing you to start tapping your hands to it as your merged.

"She was more like a beauty queen from a movie scene" The two of you belted the lyrics, switching over the 80s playlist to one consistently of Michael Jackson. "I said don't mind, but what do you mean, I am the one" you shook your head, "Who will dance" you turned to your sibling and sung the words to them before turning back, repeating it each time you sung, "on the floor" again "in the round?" and then turned back, "She said I am the one, who will dance on the floor in the round"

The house that you bought with a loan wasn't the biggest, at least not compared to your parents house. Two bedrooms, One master and One guest, and 1 in a half bathrooms. The half bathroom was connected to the master bedroom, which Nik tried to get but was quickly locked out. They would be staying in the guest room, while you set it up they would help. They were also supposed to attempt to find a job this summer, as their parents wanted Nik to learn some responsibility.

"Okay, change outfits, shower if you need to! We are going to the beach!" You were excited, thrumming almost. You felt as if you belonged.

"I'm tired."

"Party all night!" You yelled, grabbing a suit case filled with your clothes. The two of you didn't have a lot. A few suitcases filled with clothes, and then a few boxes for the rooms. You didn't even have mattresses yet.

"Let's just sleep a bit." A nap did sound good, you didn't have the best sleep due to the anxiety about the drive.

"Fine, a nap! I'm setting an alarm." Nik went into your room, both of you grabbing the blankets and laying them on the floor, setting up some pillows and collapsing as soon as you could.

Instead of waking up to your alarm, you woke up to Nik shaking your shoulder, harsh rain hitting the window and the house was shaking.

"The doors are opening."

You stood up quick, running out of the bedroom to the backdoor refusing to close. You pushed against it but it quickly fell open, so you held the door. "Grab the heavy boxes." Nik followed through, pushing against the doors as lightning flashed. "It wasn't supposed to storm."

"Don't they get Hurricanes here." A siren went off, "Well-"

"Not another tornado." You groaned. You had your fair shair of them, being where your from. "We need to grab our shit, head to the basement."

The house shook again, you two grabbed your phones and chargers, rushing down into the basement that still had cobwebs. Nik almost ran upstairs at the sight of them, claiming they would rather take their chance with the tornado. You had to basically pulled them down as you two sat in the basement, the house shook as you two fell to the ground, hitting your heads.

Your eyes rolled back, your vision turns black as your body hits the ground. Your siblings hand lays against yours as their body falls onto you, and in that moment, you had gone through the impossible.

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transmalewife · 2 years

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so back in my overanalizing pretentious fuck days I vaguely remember wanting to write a meta about the madonna whore complex in star wars costume. and while I still think theres a lot to work with there,

(like, a lot)

I'm just gonna focus on padme right now, specifically Padme's hair because something really interesting just hit me.

look at this for a moment

this is the most virginal imagery imaginable.

let's get the obvious out of the way and say the blue dress and shawl are almost on the nose references to the virgin mary (maybe a hint at luke being the real chosen one?). But more importantly, in so many cultures around the world, loose long hair, especially combined with flowers, is associated with young girls. there are countless traditions that dictate that women, once they get married or come of age, should wear their hair up, covered or short.

(this might be a good moment to disclaimer that I am very transgendered and irreligious and none of this analysis is coming from a tradwife mindset. it's coming from a 'this is the archetypes that exist in our culture being very clearly and skillfully referenced here')

her dress is made to look like flowing water, carrying flowers. in slavic cultures, on the summer solstice, young women would make flower crowns and throw them into rivers, so potential suitors could fish them out downstream and court them. They would also wear flowers in their hair on their wedding day, and after that, they would cover it with a kerchief. and those traditions still live on in some form in europe today. most girls in my class got their hair cut short after first communion. women still throw bouquets on their wedding day.

There are in universe explanations I could invent here, from the easy 'this is just naboo funeral tradition' to the political "they wanted to distance her from the secret marriage to spare her family the shame of the scandal" but i'm frankly not about all that. and now that i've noticed this, I can't ignore it. all throughout rots padme is shown with her hair down (partialy. will come back to that), and wearing long gowns and hoods. The virgin mary imagery remains in the cut of the velvet hooded gown, in the blue drape of her nightgown when she cries on the balcony, and the, also baby blue, nightgown she wears when anakin has his nightmare literally looks like 1950s sexy lingerie.

(Also, a note here that I'm not willing to let spiral into a tangent, is that she almost always, and iirc, only, wears blue when she's either on tatooine, or when it's just her and Anakin. And then in her coffin.)

We know, from lucas, from the costume designer and art director, of two costumes that were purposely designed to make her look sexy, romantic, seductive. The corset in the fireplace scene and the iconic lake house balcony dress.

That makes sense. Those are the scenes where she's falling in love with Anakin, but the corset is extremely restrictive both visually, (and physically, according to natalie portman.) She's wearing metal bands around her head, the scarf looks like a noose and prison bars at the same time, and her hair is pinned up tighter and closer that in any other costume (except maybe on mustafar). She's not allowed the freedom to live in the fantasy of their forbidden love. She's imprisoned in the conventions of her station, quite literally trapped by her clothing.

And while the lake dress does look very free and loose and open, which is what she's tying to let herself be, flirty even, her hair is still quite literally behind bars, (and that type of headwear repeats in many of her costumes) as are her neck and arms.

Worth mentioning that in the floral picnic dress, her hair, while the shape is quite obviously meant to reference Leia's buns, is still held neatly in place by hairnets. This isn't the typical imagery of a young woman enjoying her freedom, frolicking in fields of flowers for the last time before she puts her hair up and grows up.

Padme didn't get to grow up, because she was never a child. In tpm her costumes are heavy, royal, extravagant. they not only hide her hair, but her face and body as well. Because she doesn't really matter. The costume, the crown, her duty matters more than the child underneath. There's quite literally six more of her. (Leia goes through something similar, in that she only ever gets to let her hair down after a battle is won)

Thinking of the costumes in tcw for too long makes my blood boil so i won't linger too long, but the moment Padme takes off her wig to reveal long flowing hair underneath, implying that the short bob she wore for much of the show is also a wig, is incredibly important here. This is a girl who finally got one thing for herself. She got her summer fling turned secret marriage, the first thing in her life that isn't controlled by appearances. and the mask is starting to slip. she wants the freedom, she wants the dreamlike lakeside romance back. she's wearing a middle aged mom wig over her childish waist long curls.

The traditional, deeply ingrained in so many cultures in the world narrative of young girl with flowers in her loose hair, then braids, then cut short and/or covered with a scarf is entirely flipped here. We're introduced to her when she's barely a teenager, but already wearing the elaborate, heavy headgear of a medieval queen. Even when she's "undercover" as a handmaiden on Tatooine, her hair is up in tight, elaborate braids.

There are a lot of obvious east asian influences in her royal costumes, bordering on appropriation in some cases (like, frankly, the entirety of star wars) which I would not feel comfortable ignoring, but don't have nearly enough knowledge about them to properly explore their meaning and symbolism.

In aotc, she's 24, she's no longer a queen, but even when she's trying to act and look young, her hair is still pinned tightly up. Her gowns on coruscant are still elaborate and restrictive, but we start seeing her in more intimate situations, at home on Naboo, by the lake. (And she spends a good chunk of the last two movies in her pajamas)

I had originally written "she can quite literally only let her hair down around anakin" here, but on second thought, no. Not really. In the scenes I was thinking of, the scenes she's in a nightgown, her hair is loose and long, yes, but always in a half up half down situation. Even in her simplest nightgown, in the first ever pajama scene, the one in her apartment in aotc, a basic white chemise, without any of the capes and tiaras and lace we see on her other sleepwear, her hair is still pinned up.

She's at her most vulnerable, sleeping, literally acting as bait for an assasin, without any of her senatorial regalia to protect her, but her hair remains controled. (I could say something here about that being the scene where Anakin barges into her bed waving his lightsaber, but lets just keep things tasteful and move on.)

In rots is where we first see her hair actually loose for the first time, though it's still covered by the hood of the velvet gown. Her costumes become simpler, less decorative, to create a cohesive image with the entire galaxy becoming more drab and colorless as the war goes on, heading towards the fully grey hellscape of the original trilogy. And we see padme specifically in more intimate, personal situations, most of her screentime is at her home. She's growing up into her housewife role, but for her that means freedom. For her that means letting her hair down and sinking into the fantasy of running away to Naboo with Anakin and raising their 2.5 kids. But the first, and only time we truly see her with her hair fully loose and uncovered, is at her funeral.

another thing unworthy of a whole tangent here, is that corde dies with her hair falling apart, out of her updo. All the senatorial power that the costumes and the headdresses afford dissolves in death.

I could note here also that this is a weird way to emphasize the tragedy of a 27 year old woman dying in childbirth by associating her with youth. this is tragic regardless. the tragedy here is she never got to have that stage of her life. she never got to grow up, to be a mother. She remains, in anakin's memories, the 14 year old angel, the 24 year old rolling in the grass like a teenager, or rushing alongside him into battle without fear, and the wife in her sexy nightie waiting for him to come back from the war. In the galaxy's eyes however, she will always have been the strong queen, and the tragic martyr, taken before her time. Not a child soldier and a woman who died because she broke the rules and dared to fall in love.

Padme never gets the freedom of childhood. She only gets to let her hair down in death. Did she want it? Is it Naboo releasing her from her responsibility posthumously, or is is another denial of her freedom. She was a ruler when she should have been a girl, and she dies a child when she was ready to grow up.

#This isn't the 'there is no sex in sw' meta i mentioned this morning btw just another thing that has been languishing in my drafts #padme amidala #star wars meta #star wars costumes #star wars #mine.#id in alt

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dy6nsty · 4 months

Note

Maybe iii cheats on reader

══════════════════════ Alr, ty!!! ^^

III x Reader, Cheating(?)

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It had maybe days— or even a week since you’ve last tried to communicate with III. Avoiding him in every way you could and only acknowledging him when needed.

All of it started when he began to act odd after a tour. Than it became a natural occurrence to you. Whenever he came back from abroad or any tour he immediately pushed himself away from you.

Could it be that he was cheating? Were your overthinking all of this? You didn’t want to think, maybe if you waited it out he’d do it himself. Except both of you were doing the same thing: Ignoring each other.

You both were waiting for one to come crawling back and explain, atleast talk! But no word, not a single one. III had began to grow irritated with it.

The same cycle beginning to repeat. He’d just came back from a tour, you didn’t try or even budge to greet him. III ignored it. But that was a whole few days ago.

You walked right past him, he watched you walk by him. Nothing. Not a glance, not a word, nothing was exchanged between you until now.

“Y/n.” He called out to you. Walking towards you, which you turned around to face him. “Do you need something, III?” You asked in a tone of displeasure.

“I do,” He stated bluntly. “Look— why have you been avoiding me? Is there something that happened?” He asked.

You looked up at him, confused. Was he playing dumb? “There is. You push me away whenever you come through the door, you seem way more excited on your tours— do you ever look at me that way?” You drawn out your words, staring up at him with a look of desperation. You didn’t want anything from him, but just a spare of sympathy or empathy. Maybe even realization.

III stared at you with a slight glare, his eyes narrowed and eyebrows furrowed down to display it all. “I was stressed, that’s all.” He denied and shut it down.

“Stressed?” You repeated to him. Tension of anger and pent up feelings between the both of you growing. “I’ve been neglected by you for weeks! And you want to tell me it’s only stress?”

“I don’t want to do this with you.” He sighed, rubbing his temples to soothe his own emotion. “Do what? A relationship. I’ve been preparing myself for you to just tell me theres someone else or even multiple people. But you can’t talk with me for once?” You argued back with him, earning a look of disappointment from III. “What are you talking about Y/n!” Now you two were arguing.

“There are so many signs, III! We don’t talk, you seem bored with me, I feel discarded! You barley even remembering things I talk to you about!” You yelled back at him, listing things off one by one. “Why must you be so difficult?” He muttered under his breath in a gruff tone.

A frown immediately tightened over your face, there was nothing to sugar coat, and well— neither of you had been. “Numerous people told me we wouldn’t work out in the first place Y/N.” As soon as the words left his mouth he couldn’t find a better way to explain it to you. “And you believed them, didn’t you.”

III didn’t want to admit it, not to your face at least. But he couldn’t stand there and just look at you. He gave in, nodding his head slowly. “I wanted to give you a reason to hate me. I don’t hate you— it’s just.” The silence grew thick as his speech came go a pause. You stood there, waiting, you’ve been listening to him word for word.

“I did see someone. Over tour, you were right.” III sighed, staring down at the ground. He could feel your stare boring right into him.

“Why didn’t you tell me anything?” You asked him, tone bitter from your throat. “I listened to you, I gave you so much, I gave you plenty! And you— all this because you listened to what everyone else had to say about our relationship?” You muttered, a few cracks interrupting your words, how you spoke.

“Do you feel proud of yourself?” You muttered. “No. I don’t.” He mumbled back to you.

══════════════════════ I apologize if this turned out bad! I need to be up early in the morning and needed to complete this :)

#iii x reader #sleep token iii #iii sleep token #sleep token fanfiction #sleep token imagine

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ganondoodle · 1 year

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so, i have thought more about what we now know about botw2 and honestly, setting aside the smaller things i am not a fan of (like the building aspect) my biggest gripes about it are the plot looking like its gonna be very generic, especially regarding ganondorf, while i hoped it would perhaps finally give us a little more interesting take instead good vs evil; and the oh so mysterious figure you see in in the trailer very likely to be hylia, since shes mentioned constantly in the first game (among other things like her design being pretty much a carbon copy of zelda for the most boring reasons imaginable)

and no its not just bc of my stupid little fanworks (that i do bc i love the franchise, as much as i am critical of it, it comes from being very passionate about it, hence me working my fan lore around the canon so it doesnt disturb it much, its more meant to expand it on parts i think are a little lacking without me trying to sound superior, literally just as an act of love (and a little spite ill admit that) to add something to it)- BUT bc i have little hope they would do anything more than just going full blown "this monstrous beast is pure inherently evil, and this is the pure inherently good white little girl goddess whos just protecting her god given perfect and unshakable good tm monarchy" with no little to no nuance (theres also alot more to be critical of the general structure and implications like racism, orientalism, nationalism, that while i can see alot of wrong or questionable things in the games i lack the eloquence to talk about in its full range) yes i am personally biased bc i just .. hate that kind of story/worldbuilding structure, but i dont think im the only one who would think of it as boring and .. disappointing?

i dont need ganondorf to be redeemed, i dont need him to be the good himbo bf that some people think all ganondorf stans want, i just want him to be more than to shout "i will conquor this kingdom bc i am evil and want it" and send a horde of monsters after you, at the very least id want the game to just aknowledge that there must be a reason for it, why it turned out like this

the zelda series and its world has so much potential, which is probably a reason for its popularity in fanworks, but also keeps not using it, no i dont expect a company like nintendo to deliver on all my hopes, of course not, im not that delusional, but the further i think and learn about this universe and concepts they created i find myself asking "why" more and more where the games never elaborate, never question

i like a clear structure, i like when your choices dont have a big or any impact on the story bc i want to live the story, not worry about every decision like i already do every second of my life IRL, i want to partake in a movie, in a theater piece i can influence the pace of but not change the outcome, yet i feel kind of ... ignored? let down? asking why and how, how do they know this is right and this is wrong, how do they keep enacting this seeing it never works out, keep saying defeat this evil, but evil yet returns stronger than before over and over, how do they never ask "is this the right way?", they say "we need to kill it more next time"

i know they are fictional little characters made up to sell a game, with a convevient plot point to ever repeat the same structure, but it cant be wrong to say "i love this world, i want to see and know more, i want to see it grow and change, break the cycle and be better, show me characters not puppets"

theres very surely nuances and ideas i am sorely missing bc i lack the knowledge of japanese as a language, culture, and mythology, but i dont think it invalidates all that i feel for it ..

.. right?

#ganondoodles talks #botw2 #tloz totk #rambling #long post #just to comment on the building aspect again #i think i dislike it so much bc it feels like the zelda world might be heading towards a too modern one #i dont like how alot of series of all entertainment treat industrialization as inevitable #that every world will have cars and planes and phones the way we have #botw took some modern concepts and very elegantly remade them into something that fits and doesnt feel out of place #maybe im just boring #maybe i just dont like alot about the world we live in and it pains me to see the escapist relief of it be turned into a copy of it #maybe im just autistic and think too much about stuff that doesnt matter #lmao #or something

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jewishdainix · 9 months

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Remember how when Molly died Fitz said that he had nothing he could turn to to distract him from the reality of that loss.

When the Fool was gone Fitz immiderly went back to Molly to escape that loss.

Fitz spent the entirey of Fool's Fate unlearning his want for a happy heterosexual ending, and chose the Fool over it. But the dominos from the quarrel had already fallen and the Fool thought that Fitz would truely be happier than him.

And yes, Fitz did want to go back to Molly because of the memories he got back from the girl-on-a-dragon but the feellings he felt from it were very obviously contridictory to his current ones, and whenever he actually thought about it he knew that a) Molly would not want him back, its both too early and too late and b) he chooses the Fool. I think if he got to actually sit with those emotions they would have faded out, and he would not have sought out Molly. We know that because he chose the Fool.

But then the Fool was gone. And so Fitz went to Molly. Doing a huge dissrevice to both of them; not letting either of them grieve burich properly or agknoledge him, ignoring Molly's wishes and using her sons to get to her, etc; and in general acting how he was when he tried to get her to be with him when they were teens *cough cough harrassing*. Repeating the same old mistakes.

He tried to hide that tragedy in the guise of a perfect heteronornative happy ending, but that doesn't work, because he just spent an entire book unlearning it.

He just spent an entire book loving and losing and savagely mourning and choosing the Beloved over that happy ending. So theres this huge dissonance between everything in the Fool's Fate and its ending; So we don't believe him; So deep down, he doesn't believe himself. The comment about not having anything to distract him from Molly's death shows that.

And that "happy ending" he got isn't all that happy. The chapter in Fool's Fate is called "ever after", very clearly missing the "happy". Fitz says he is content. In Fool's Assassin he tells Molly that whenever she is happy he is content. But by the end of Fool's Fate he says he always waits to see the Fool again.

He shuts the wit out, he constantly misses the Fool. He leaves his and Molly's bed at night to write letters to the Fool, which he has no one to send them to.

He refuses any reminders of his life as the bastard prince and as an assassin and a catalyst. Reminders of his life outside his "happy ending" in Withywoods. He refuses to have gaurds. Because if he did have gaurds he would have to egknoledge that he is not Holder Badgerlock. That his life is dangerous. Ironically the very thing he did to keep the illussion of saftey made the place less safe.

There was so much talk of Fitz being (in)complete. Chade told Fitz that people say that children complete a man. And it almost seemed that way when Bee was born. Fitz saw Molly care for her and thought "so this is what a mother is". He tried to build himself what he lacked as a child, the life he could have had had he not been the bastrad prince, had he not been an assassin, had he not been witted, had he not been tortured and used and killed.

But because of that expectation of a perfect life and a perfect child, he did not love bee all her first years as he should have. And because of all those things he lacked, he could not be a good father to her.

He did by her as best as he could, but he simply did not have the tools to care for her. That all became very clear when Molly died. He really did try to do better. He contantly tried but he couldn't just will homself into being a good father, despite how much he loved Bee. And all that doesn't negate how much he loved her, but that doesn't mean she deserved better than what he could do. Despite how smart or mature she was, she still needed what Fitz couldn't do. Couldn't be.

And when his life in Withywoods was gone, Fitz still looked at it with pink-tinted glasses. He still clung to it, to what it represented. But it was not as he saw it. What he clung to it as. So after Bee was taken he felt like past after his death. Because he clung so long so hard to that happy ending. He wanted to die in his and Molly's bed in that "safe", "perfect" life at Withywoods. A life which was never as real as he wanted it to be. Never as happy. Never as whole.

#realm of the elderlings #all of this has been said soooooo many times already (and many times by me)but I am going insane about again so #fool's fate #fool's assassin #fool's quest

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punk-in-docs · 2 years

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Hi love! I’m not sure if I requested this here or not (so if I did please ignore this and know I’m terribly sorry for asking again, I have a garbage memory) but if I didn’t, can I request an Eddie x reader fic where they’ve been in an established relationship (maybe like a year or 2). How do you think they would celebrate their anniversary? Like how do you think Eddie would be in particular, cuz I can see that lovable goofball being an anxious mess because he wants to do so much. But I’m interested to see what you think would happen in this sort of scenario, cuz you write Eddie so damn good ;)

Ok ok hear me out on this one cause I can so picture something: and it goes a little like this-

🍁love is kinda crazy with a spooky little boy like you🍁

Eddie yowled in front of you like a startled cat. You’d swear if he could, he’d raise his spiky hackles on end.

Does that thing with his arms, where he goes all shrivelled and squirrely. Mouth wide and shaped like a kidney bean as he shrieks.

Bravely though, batting the stuffed clowns cackling head, that just sprang out the shredded walls at you.

You’re lost wandering deep within the twisted seedy belly of the haunted house maze.

He punched his fist into the soft squish of the dummies head. Tufts of coarse blueberry coloured hair. Bulging chilli red eyes popping out at the pair of you. Grin all macabre on its stupid rubbery painted face.

He hates clowns. Doesn’t even like the one in that Bowie video.

“Fucker.” He hissed as he swiped at it again. Heart racing hummingbird fast in his throat.

Crushed his metal rings into it again, just because. Grits his teeth. He’s on edge.

Why did he agree to this scare jumping, spine chilling fuckery again-

Cause it’s stupid and fun. Get in the Halloween spirit. You’d said.

Then gave him a deep, beautiful kiss that was all toffee apple and pink pink cotton candy. Your tongue furred with sugar and, damn, how he suddenly forgot why he was ever mad. Haunted what? Scared, who?

“I do not like this.” He tells you.

Kept telling you, actually. His eyes go darting around corners. Gaze scanning ahead like you were tiptoeing enemies in a live war-zone.

“You’ve said that already.”

“And you apparently didn’t want to listen. So I’ll say it, once more, with feeling- I DON’T like this.” He repeats. Voice rising to a pitchy squeak.

He jiggles on the spot. Cagey. Jesus H Christ.

“Never again. I promise.” You smooth a hand to his chest and pat him on his Judas Priest shirt. Leaves warmth where you touch him that he’s too scared to enjoy right now.

“I mean what’s so wrong with the fucking bumper cars, honey? They don’t have dead fake mangled things everywhere with stuff popping out the walls- shit.”

He backs away sidewards, whimpers, edges away sudden, the wall next to him is broken wood slats and nails, with stubby zombie hands now poking through. Black rotting nails all split, half eaten flesh all green, yellow dirty bones exposed. Grunts of the undead leak through from the other side. Searching for your living juicy meat.

“I ain’t got any brains for you to eat. Morons. Go swivel.” He defends. It makes you smile.

“You like horror movies, Eddie, I thought you’d find it cool.” You try to offer in your own defence for getting you both in here.

His hand squeezes yours. Tight. Clammy with sweat.

“You can turn a movie off. Princess. You can press pause or take the video out, leave the room. It’s a small screen you can manage. I didn’t say ‘yeah sure, honey, drop me onto the fucking set of Night of the living dead. I don’t mind’.” He snaps quickly in parody. He doesn’t mean it nastily.

Despite everything, you can’t help it. You chuckle. He looks at you with a very specific look in his eyes.

You feel his hands grip for your hips in your pretty dress. He comes up right close behind you. You feel his hair brushing dry at the back of your neck. His lips skate against the crown of your head.

“Oh you’re so in for it if we make it out of here alive.”

“Theres optimism.” You rib at him. Reaching back to cup your hand over his cheekbone.

“Vamonos.” He encourages. Sneaking down and patting your ass softly.

You pass along a section of hallway where the lights blink, maniacal Vincent Price-esque laughs bubble up all around you. Rolling through the maze and snatching at your running heels.

Ghosts in jangling dragging chains with arms outstretched. Apple green eyes glowing under the white sheet. Groans and wails. The lilac purple gothic room full of creepy eyeless dolls, a chirpy lullaby from a demented music box tinkling away.

‘Help’ crudely scrawled on the walls in sticky fingertip blood, hand smears too, in the mouldy white tiles of the crazy surgeons dungeon. Screams pierce. Fake amputated limbs scattered across the operating table. Blood tinged saws and knives.

Now. He goes into his famous Munson defence mode. Scurrying along and keeping you pulled behind him. Arms braced out with you bracketed between them. Pulling you into his back and offering his own front as your shield.

The Dio vested Knight he was, all chivalry and manners, putting himself at risk for love of you. His maiden. His one. Maid Marian to his Robin Hood. Or more likely, as he liked to think of it, Marianne Faithfull to his Mick Jagger. Much cooler.

You looped your fingers through his. Pulling him back to your side.

“Don’t worry. I’ll always protect you, big boy.” You wink at him. Makes his heart squeeze and flash faster when you do that. You lean in and nuzzle a kiss onto his jaw.

He pulls you in closer. Your chest brushing into his. A twitchy sort of frenzy on his face.

“I just want you to know. If we weren’t in this hellscape. I would be making out with you so hard right now.”

“Noted.” You beam. Pulling him along again, shadows roll and flick over a movement down the corridor in your peripheral. You strong arm him away before the chain saw guy with the peeling rubber face and “human skin” mask could catch you.

That split cherry soft of your grin. He’s so soft for it. Lips pink from that watermelon balm you use that he never lets linger for too long. He would be lying if he said he didn’t like the silky taste.

You laugh and shriek when a guy in a skeleton costume, comes bursting cunningly out the slanted shadows of a corner.

“Leaving so soon?” He snarls.

“Eat shit, bonehead.” Eddie fairly screeches, and tugs you along with him. Body blocking you. Reeling you along to, hopefully, the fucking exit of this creepy hell hole.

Halle-fucking-lujah. It’s up ahead on the right. The lovely big green arrows pointing to the exit. Salvation. Freedom.

He yanks on your wrist and you run full speed towards it. Ghoul hands painted blue make one last attempt to rip at your clothes. Eddie bats them away.

Not today fuckers. Me and my lady getting out of here-

It’s definitely a relief when you come to the cooling wash of night air outside. It was stuffy inside. The cramped space choking with the smell of warm tacky plastic, and stale air lining the horror laden walls. The night air is so thick and blue out here you could drink it. Sticky opium of a bruising fall night.

The air is throbbing deep with autumnal scents. Warm bubbling cider. Fried funnel cakes. Buttery caramel popcorn and soft pretzels studded with salt. That definable gooey orange scent that comes gouged out the insides of pumpkins, pitted with seeds.

The wind isn’t threaded with a biting cold yet, but it promises too, as the treacly night drags on. Leaves, the colour of gold and apricot, crunch and snap under your feet.

Your favourite time of year. The best. The slice of the cold that has you reaching for chunky sweaters. Cold knifing rain on grey dour windows and gloomy days. Splashing your boots into autumn puddles mucked with leaves.

Horror movies, carving pumpkins, and baking orange and black sprinkle cookies with Eddie in the trailer.

He always went full tilt overkill and added way way too many sprinkles. More sprinkles than cookie, really. Lacing the place with the scents of sugar and vanilla dough. And home. Sitting out on the porch with a warm cider in your hands chatting to Wayne as he smokes. Laughing at Eddie whining about washing the dishes- getting excited that the cookies were rising too.

Eddie takes a deep breath. Scanning up at the haunted house maze you’d just stumbled through. His hand still very much clutched on yours. He meant what he said. He’d never let go. Eddie keeps his word.

Although the truth be told, he made you promise you wouldn’t let his hand go the second you stepped inside that maze.

You hadn’t let go of this hand for two years. You weren’t planning to start now.

And yes, the full fact of being here again is crashing into your gut. Making you all mushy swooning and sentimental. It was your tradition after all-

“Come on. Handsome. Let’s go. I’ll buy you a corn dog as a reward for being so tough back in there. Protecting me.” You nudge his arm to bring him in.

He steps towards you and curls you into them. Rubbing his arms along your sides. Looping hands around the back of your waist. He doesn’t say anything but he’s definitely smiling down at you. His belly pressed to you. Tilts his head. Pensive look on his face.

You’re touching in so many places. All tangled and wrapped up in leather and denim like you usually are around him.

“What is it?” You ask him. Scanning that maniacal face and those deep puddles of oozing chocolate eyes for an answer.

“It’s been two years. To the exact day.” He says softly. His thumbs smoothing over the backs of your hips.

You smile at his recounting it. “Believe me. Munson. I remember.”

“We were arguing. On top of that very Ferris wheel. Two years ago. When I first asked you out.” He points behind your hip with his finger.

Up towards the huge circular ride studded with yellow and red bulbs all the way around. A huge golden eye of dragging slow metal brushed against the navy sky.

“I was winning the argument by the way.”

“You always do. Cause I’m such a peach. I let you.” He winks. Grins all big. Shiny teeth.

Mainly he loses cause he just skips up to you like a jester, spins you around, and kisses you until you’re smiling again.

“…And it was the fourth time you asked me out. To which I finally relented, and said yes. Only if I can pick the movie and we can get cotton candy afterwards.” You beamed.

“You didn’t tell me you very vehemently hated heights.” He teased.

“I went on that ride for the excuse of being sat next to you for ten minutes, you dope.” You tell him.

It rips a chuckle out that pillowy lovely mouth. You slip your arms around the back of his neck. Sway into him. Narrow your eyes when he laughed.

“It worked. I got to kiss you and I got a date. Even if you did break all the bones in my hand you squeezed it so hard.” He recalled. He had blue knuckles for three weeks. Swollen sore. He couldn’t play guitar for a month.

He drags one curled knuckle over your cheek. Those eyes of yours he loves - the eyes he’s a servant too - are brimming golden, bursting with the fairground lights glimmering all around you. Threaded chilli red in your hair too.

“And you bought me the most huge pink cotton candy I’d ever seen.”

“Shaped like a fucking heart.” He smiled.“You feral little thing. Ate it all in ten minutes.”

“You helped.” You pointed out.

He leaned in and brushed his nose across your cheek. Into the nest of your hair. Kisses your jaw. You chuckled and slipped your arm up his back.

“Kissed most of it off your lips.” He remembers in a soft mumble, with a waggle of those brows. Lips planted against your cheek. Tone dipping naughtily into flirt.

Kissed and kissed until the sugar made him feel sick. Now he knew what the term lovesick meant. His metal and thorn wrapped rocker heart you had cupped safely in your hands. He’d never have it any other way.

You yank your hand into the back of his wild hair. Hold him still as you devour his lips with yours. Taste the Marlboro smoke that lived at a permanent address on his tongue. Pipped with the sweet toffee from the apple you’d both pecked at earlier. He’d kissed and bitten his pieces of apple right out your offered mouth.

Tasty as fuck, he’d said. He hadn’t even meant the apple.

He moans and you feel it shoot and slice to your belly. Gut punch love. His moans- they are better than music.

He cups you and keeps you yanked firm against his front as he kisses you back. Sneaks his tongue into your mouth, and the way it brushes yours makes your knees whirl all useless.

Damn his tongue should be criminal to be that good-

You don’t care that crowds of people are cutting around where you’re making out with your boyfriend. It was a carnival. High schoolers were dating and kissing horny all over the damn place.

What was one more star studded couple with hearts lodged in their eyes?

You cross your arms around the back of his neck. He tips into you. Skims his big warm hands up the backs of your smooth thighs. Resists cupping your ass in public- he should really get a medal for that. C’mon-

When you pull back, he chases after your mouth. Greedy and always so. Not ready for it to be over yet. He’s never ready to stop kissing you.

“Kettle corn. A pink lemonade. And a corn dog. Final offer.” You smile at him. An effective bargaining chip you kept in your pocket. Plying him with food as persuasion.

The way into Eddie Munson’s heart was occasionally via a funky reroute to his stomach.

You’re shameless and it works.

“Sold.” He grins. Enjoying the hell out of the way your tits are crushed to his chest right now.

“…Then the Ferris Wheel, honey.” He smirks with a pure maniacal grin of evil. “You can break my fingers again. I’ll let you.”

“This is you getting your own back for the haunted maze isn’t it.” You wilfully decide. That stubborn jut of your chin. Unimpressed eyes scratching daggers at him.

“My hand hasn’t left yours for two years. Sweet cheeks. Not gonna start now.” He beams.

He loops an arm over your shoulder. Steers you towards the corn dog stand. You tangle your steps alongside his. Slide your arm across his trim waist. His leather arm cold around your shoulder.

“Then after the food and the Ferris wheel. I’m gonna take you back to the van. And do filthy filthy things to you, whilst the firework show bursts across the sky.” The way his lips brush the shell of your ear makes your thighs wobble and shoot with sensation.

“Filthy you say?” You ask with hot blood gathering up in your cheeks. Gold lights bloom in his dark eyes like round petals. Dazzling.

“Yep.” He pops the p.

“Gonna lick you real slow. Make you yelp. Then just gonna slide my tongue right in, far as I can, I’m not gonna be stopping until you melt. Right into my mouth.” He decides with a playful little kiss to your jaw.

Goddamn it this boy knows how to make your pussy throb and clench.

“Is this all part of your grand revenge plan?” You seek.

“No. Baby. Just a damn good way to spend a Friday night with my favourite chick.”

Your heart is all melty. Slipping down the insides of your butter soft ribs. You do so love this man with every single tiny atom of your being.

“I thought your guitar was your favourite chick?” You play.

He grins. Chucked all sweet. “Nah. You feed me. You win hands down babe.”

Tagging some Munson babes; @indouloureux @youaremyfamiliar @fujiihime @groupie-love-71 @stiegasaw @thelyingpierrot @munsonquinns @captain-tch @ramona-thorns @starbxcks @morganamoonstone

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pixigels · 9 months

Text

the demons have taken over me. heres my thread of romerica thoughts and incoherent rambling

america is an insomniac while romano is quite the opposite. america always tells himself that hes gonna fix his sleep schedule but he never does bcs he just cant... he'll always find himself wide eyed at 5am like always.

romerica did NOT meet and end in the 1920s. like canon says industrial revolution + economic growth in america aka the gilded for a reason guysss. now i dont think they were dating since then but they did not MEET in the start of the 20s. not rlly a hc its just a fleeting thought.

i do think they dated in the 1920s but throughout the whole time they never called it dating (because they are idiots) they were just gay and existing like a situationship ???? but like they were certainly not just friends if you know what i mean.

they didnt get back into their situationship activities until the 50s

30s they broke apart and then 40s was a complicated time that deserves its own post bcs a bullet point would not do its complexity justice.

romano bullies america for his taste in coffee food and everything else.

speaking of coffee their dynamic is so coffee au

america and roma are sun sign compatible bcs they are cancer and pisces. kinda like the moon and the tides of the ocean if you want to get all artistic (i ignore hetalia bdays when it comes to astrology hcs unless its convenient to me)

i personally find it so funny how in the manga romano seems to mentions that he lived with america like a decent amount of times like thats so silly to me and i like to think he does that way more often kinda like an old man who repeats a story over and over again and it makes everyone sick LIKE DAMN WE GET IT (alfred does this too)

i also like to think that they like to shit talk people. like i feel like alfred is kinda blunt/cant read the room and so is lovi but like in different ways but they are blunt with each other so they shit talk people together bcs thats what true couples do <3

i probably have more hcs but i either forgot atm or think its already too much of a common hc for me to mention yk. i pinky promise to make more romerica content. If romerica has a million fans, then I am one of them. If romerica has ten fans, then I am one of them. If romerica has only one fan then that is me. If romerica has no fans, then that means I am no longer on earth. If the world is against romerica, then I am against the world.

what im saying is ill die for romerica and will make self indulgent content just bcs i like it sm

if theres any inconsistencies in hcs, in specific the historical ones,pls correct me im not a history major ive only had a special interest in history (prior to hetalia bcs im a LOSER) for years so i end up bringing it up alot everywhere even in non hetalia related conversations O<-<

#im so normal about them i swear #romerica #hws romano #hws america #hetalia #hetalia romano #hetalia america #hetalia south italy

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terraliensvent · 3 months

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I feel like some of the people posting these vents fail to realize that the moderation team is human too. They should be allowed to make mistakes here and there without people having a whole mental breakdown and swearing up and down they’re not doing anything. While I understand some frustrations, most of it just sounds like pettiness and throwing a pity party. Oh you’re not a guest artist? Boohoo.

Another thing, it makes sense that people who the mods promoted are their friends humans are full of bias !! Whether we choose to admit it or not, we all will always lean towards our companions. Not trying to be a “white knight” or whatever y’all call it, just saying!

you say you arent trying to whiteknight as you repeat the same lazy defenses consistently made by whiteknights

i always thought the “mods are human” excuse to be exceptionally lazy because you know who else is human? literally everyone on the planet. i dont think that mods should get extra special good boy points just because they are mods and voluntarily manage this niche community. its also really dismissive of you to say “mistakes here and there” when these arent little tweedle dum “oh no i made the site glitch!” type errors. these are large glaring problems that have gone unaddressed for over 10 months, and when members of the community provide constructive criticism, people like you use the “mods are human” excuse to take away any responsibility from them. yeah, theres work to be done, but thats what you sign up for when you volunteer for your role. if you dont want to do the work purely out of motivation to make things better, then youre not fit to be a mod.

making a small mistake isnt the same as ignoring criticism, neglecting to work on things to actually solve problems, and constantly pumping out adopts despite the fact the species, again, does not have lore or trait sheets written anywhere after almost a year.

also yeah, i know it makes sense for them to pick their friends to be mods, but that also means that the people in charge arent getting any new outsider viewpoints on issues, and it creates an incredibly cliquey and unwelcoming community. i would be a little more forgiving if the new mods they take on would actually do work besides instantly posting their customs in their oh so elite staff commissions channel, but so far there is nothing that proves to me that they dont just use the role to exert some hierarchy over everyone else. “im a mod which means im friends with staff” but not “im a mod because i want to fix the big issues here.” have you seen any of the new mods do anything but make adopts and answer the questions that are too trivial for the other mods?

also, this is a vent blog. if people want to complain that only pop artists get to be GAs how is it hurting you.

this mindset of “mods are human so we can never criticize them” is exactly the reason why this species is so godawful, because yall can never stand to suck it up and see some pop artist get critique.

#closed species vent #terralien #closed species #terraliens #vent

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manie-sans-delire-x · 5 months

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Read Fifth Wave Feminism by Mohammed Hijab. Everything is proven in there. A great book highlighting the issues with modern feminism, particularly the issue of the White, Western feminist imposing a system of ethics and a moral code upon non-white women globally. The author poses the question: if feminism does topple existing power structures, how can we guarantee that domination does not just repeat itself in the discourse of the would-be ‘new masters’? The main flaws highlighted include the ideological presuppositional prejudice of a post-Western Enlightenment nature and the fact that feminism tends to put a Euro-centrically understood ‘human rights’ discourse at an epistemological advantage.

No.

Why would I waste my time reading a book written by a man about how women shouldnt have rights? Would you read a book written by a woman about how men shouldnt have rights? How about you read some feminist books, or take at least one class on women's history and oppression? "Just read this book". My university professor always said- If you cant summarize what you learned and explain it to a novice in an easy-to-understand manner, you do not yet understand it yourself. Just because you were so easily duped and brainwashed doesnt mean I will be. So I'm guessing the book says a whole lot of nothing, just what misogynists want to hear, patting yourselves on the back, telling each other how smart you are.

Imagine coming up to a stranger and telling them you dont believe they should have rights, and not expect to be punched in the face at the very least. You can try to hide behind intellectualism and big words all you like but at the end of the day you are saying human beings shouldnt have rights and that will always be utter evil bullshit.

Go ahead, try that with a man. Go to "the hood" in Detroit and tell a group of black men that they doesnt deserve rights because of the way they were born. Have fun. But you wont. You'll only say that to women online because you're a coward. You need to oppress women to feel any sort of power.

Why are you coming onto my blog in a weak attempt to persuade me, a woman, that I shouldnt have rights? Do you really think I would ever agree? That is actually hilarious.

It might surprise you to learn I'm not fully white. It might surprise you to learn non-white feminists exist. I'm guessing theres a lot of things in life that would surprise you to learn. In fact theres a womans group- in India I believe- who beat husbands who abuse their wives with sticks. But sure, its all just white women "causing all the problems". Like this hasnt been going on for generations in every country. Your ignorance of that in itself immediately discredits you. You dont even know something so obvious? Even the slightest google research would educate you.

"Imposing a system of morals" Which are? Go on, say what those terrible "morals and ethics being imposed" upon them actually are. That women should have rights? That little girls shouldnt be raped? That men shouldnt rape and beat women? Oh no how terrible. What a corruption.

"Topple the power structure". All women are asking for is equal rights, and for men to not rape and kill us. Thats it. Its really not difficult. But misogynist scum like you constantly whine and cry about it like the over dramatic, extraordinarily selfish little bitches you are, as if thats some big expectation and not the lowest moral bar imaginable.

If that means the destruction of the power structure, good. Such a fragile structure that depends on oppressing half its population is weak and deserves to crumble, and such a vile society should die. And so you agree? That the current power structure is unfeminist and unfair and oppressive to women? Or else why would feminism threaten it, right? Every system in power falls eventually. Maybe its just your time, accept it. Even Rome fell. I'm looking forward to it.

"How can we guarantee that domination does not just repeat itself in the discourse of the would-be ‘new masters’?"

Who the fuck is "we"? Because you made it clear women arent included in your sense of humanity. So why is it now our problem to protect men? Who would the "new masters" be? Women? Good. The world would be a better place. We havent tried it yet so might as well give it a go. Cant be any worse than the shit world men created. Very telling that you cant imagine a world where the sexes are simply equal. You talk about "white ppl" then say the exact same things as a white supremacist- "The blacks are taking over!! (by having rights- so scary) What if they enslave us??" All oppressors are the same. Morally bankrupt, deeply selfish, and violent cowards who fear what they do to others being returned onto them. You punch someone for no reason, then instantly curl up and beg for mercy and cry in fear. Is there anything more pathetic and worthy of contempt?

So you're just afraid that the tables will be reversed. You know how badly men have treated women and you are terrified of righteous revenge. You dont want to be treated like women have been and still are. You just admitted that!! Lmfao!! And yet you still wont see your own hypocrisy. You refuse to be logical. Like I said, you and every other misogynist are just pathetic, weak cowards driven by emotion- fear and hate- instead of logic and compassion. You have no real power or strength, so you push women down in order to feel taller, feel like a big man. You're a bully. Thats all your bullshit rhetoric is.

It never crosses your mind that some people- or that women- arent pieces of shit like men have been. You already assume that women would treat men horribly, only because thats what YOU would do. I want you to read that part again, really let it sink in. Just because misogynistic men like to be pieces of shit and run the world this way, doesnt mean women do. This is not the only way the world can be. You are assuming that this hypothetical, evil matriarchal society would oppress and abuse men just as horribly as the patriarchy already has in reality. Made up problems vs already existent real problems. The terrible evil things you fear are already happening, just to humans you dont care about. You use this fear from a hypothetical reality as reason to continue to oppress women, instead of realizing its reason to stop, even out of self-preservation since I already know you dont act out of empathy. You are incapable of imagining a world where there is equality between sexes. Theres no hope for you then. Its always the person cheating who is suspicious of their partner, who accuses their faithful partner of cheating while they themselves are the one who is actually cheating. You should be down on your knees thanking the stars everyday that all women want are equal rights and non-violence, instead of righteous revenge.

But you know what, maybe you should be scared. People should attone for their crimes, dont you agree? You didnt think you were just going to get off scott-free did you? Personally, I'm not so kind and forgiving, and I do believe in an eye for an eye. I DO hope domination repeats itself so you have the slightest inkling of what oppression is like. Maybe then you'll have the slightest empathy for women's plight. At least you'd have something real to complain about. I feel sorry for your mother. What a waste of her time and energy you turned out to be. Disrespectful and ungrateful.

Now fuck off, scrotum. You foul my air with your presence. Pack up your bullshit and take it back to incel land. I dont know why you are speaking to a person who, if we ever met in a dark alleyway, would do the world a favor and gut you like a fish.

Human beings deserve equal rights. Its that simple. If you somehow have some kind of issue with that statement, you're illogical, hateful, and quite obviously the definition of evil like a cartoon villain, and thus should die like one.

#asks #misogyny #female oppression #womens history #feminism #feminist

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violentviolette · 11 months

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Sorry for the ask but I wanted to know how to tell if what you're experiencing is bpd or aspd? They overlap a lot and I can't differentiate the two at times. I'm sorry if you've already been asked this before or if this question sounds dumb😆!

no worries anon it's not a dumb question at all. ur right that theres a lot of overlap and it can be difficult to tell on the surface

the easiest difference to use imo is empathy. people with bpd can still experience empathy, tho it will be dysfunctional. their empathy will often "turn off/on" as a response to outside stimuli. meaning that when they are triggered their emapthy will shut down. people with bpd also often find they only exprience empathy for their fp's or other specific individuals, but not others, or that they experience empathy sometimes in small doses but it's difficult for them

people with aspd on the other hand, never experience empathy. even when we are in healthy environments with people we trust and genuinely care about, we are not able to regain or "turn on" our ability to empathize as it is permanently stunted. if u expeirience emotional empathy at all, to any capacity or in any situation, then u most likely do not have aspd

another good metric is mood instability that revolves around specific people. contrary to popular misinformation, people with aspd do not experiene "favorite people" aka the experience of becoming emotionally reliant and fixated on a specific individual who ur entire emotional state then revolves around. if they acknowlege u, then ur super happy and feel elated and have a manic like high. but if u percieve them to be ignoring or rejecting u, then the high swings into a violent low and u become depressed and suicidal at the slightest hint of a perceieved rejection reguardless of reality. because of this ppl with bpd also tend to experience jealousy in a way people with aspd do not

people with aspd also do not experience "splitting" which is when ur emotions suddenly take a hard shift towards a person and u suddenly are overcome by negative feelings towards them that cannot be rationalized or reconciled and u suddenly hate them and find urself focusing all ur negative thoughts towards them

bpd emotions tend to be more volatile, meaning they suddenly and without warning will shift and change and feel all over the place. going from manic highs to suicidal lows in the span of hours and repeating this process in a cycle based around their feelings towards other people. whereas aspd is much more catagorized by anhedonia and a lack of emotions besides anger and irritability. people with aspd default to anger as their primary emotion and lash out frequently because of that, but do not often experience the manic highs and depressive lows and rarely if ever are their emotions tied so heavily to another person. people with aspd tend to devalue connection with others and struggle to value them enough to become unhealthily obsessed another person and dont rely on them for their emotional support in the same ways as ppl with bpd do

#jack.speaks #anon #aspd #bpd #cluster b #cluster b pd #cluster b personality disorder #actually aspd #actually antisocial

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spiderh0rse · 1 month

Text

felix's mind notes part 1, e0-5. felix is not safe for work.

we've got a FANCY titlecard here.

this seems to be a flashback of Felix's experiences in Half Life 2

It's all very cinematic! Nice n pretty

Felix's voice! His first words are replying "Yeah, the one and only" to Eli calling him Gordon

there's not really much to note here, really, it's just. HL2

Colleague. Ahem I mean I'm normal

okay modern day maybe? Wait no just Alyx monologuing

AUGH MULTIPLE OVERLAPPING VOICES

Felix says a little here but it's just being jaded towards Mossman

hl2e1 intro my beloved. This isn't Felix's Mind specific I just love the way Breen talks even after he's gone

checks himself to make sure he's all in place after the explosion. All he initially checks is his face and genitals

after confirming the continued existence of his dick, discovers a new piece of metal in his spine

wails about how much pain he's in. More than he's ever been in before!

wonders if he's in hell, doesn't seem to recognize either alyx nor D0g

hes got hella memory loss rn but does easily experience a flashback to being given the gravity gun

more flashbacks! Liked one of the higher floors of the Citadel, seemingly because of the view

cannot perform a pull-up. Claims this is because he can't get a good grip

feels like he's used the gravity gun before. Finds it simple to use

remembers what antlion goop packs are!

ignores the loredump to take a minute to himself

doesn't remember who he is :(

tries to remember who he is and just gets random numbers that don't help him

tries again. remembers Barney calling him by his name!

calls Barney his closest friend in the flashback

not entirely sure if he's Gordon or Felix

hurts to think right now :(

pretty sure all the answers he seeks are inside the Citadel

pretty optimistic about the citadel

rude to alyx when she's being a bit cheeky

really just wants to know who he is

remembers he's good at killing

wishes he had a hard hat or any sort of helmet

does not like the colour scheme of the HEV suit. Reminds him of "Action Man". He has no idea where it came from.

considers himself all-around average

Reconsiders his possibly average looks. Finds out he looks like a NERD (felixNERD emote went here in the original notetaking)

sarcasm Engaged

theres a weird subtle voice in the background here? I don't think that's there norm- oh Felix noticed. Hearing voices

insults d0g :( says he runs on windows me

has acrophobia

faced with death and blurts out that everything in his life has been pointless

claims he's lived a full life despite not remembering a bit of it

screams the entire car ride, even pausing to take another breath and scream again

crashing treats him very poorly

he survives! laughs hysterically! repeats "I am alright!" to himself! Passes out!

for like a second or two he's fine

asks alyx to forget the last 30 seconds

happy about the lighting in the Citadel

translates "map" to "we're in a video game dungeon let's find treasure chests"

dramatic gasp upon seeing a Stalker

Lindsey Lohen? Who??

roller skates... sent to fetch the roller mine-skates

does not enjoy crawling through service ducts

his pop culture and presumably B list horror film knowledge is impeccable despite his memory loss

insulted at the insinuation that he may be overweight (insulted by destroyed collapsing infrastructure)

knows how to use the suit chargers!

oh it does just make him high. very intense very short high (oh physics of the crowbar...)

we are on a plane. Felix sees Princess Luna! Calls her babe! And "purple thing"

oh hey he wandered around while high!

shocked when a roller mine turns red. Claims it's learned anger

is apparently familiar with some manner of injected recreational drug

would joke about a bunch of white guys running away scared, but... (He does not finish this statement)

oh fifi your one liners suck

angry at Alyx treating his near death experience lightly

back to scared laughing

thinks he may be asleep

"BEING SUCKED INTO THE ANUS OF THE INTERNET"

SAYS HE REGRETS NOTHING JUST LIKE JUST LI

"handicap inaccessible >:("

does not seem to recognize Breen right now

CALLS HIM A CAMWHORE AND HATES HIS FACE LMAO

tries to scream computer commands to close the computer before the Advisor gets too close

psychic attack BLASTS Felix to the shadow realm

says the shua'a'lthoi should've at least bought him dinner before brainfucking him

mixes up if he should destroy or stabilize the core for a minute

knows full well he has no right to use AAVE as he's so white

only knows he's white because he can see the tip of his nose

"son of a cock"...

yells at the combine that he wants to see their manager, basically

thinks he's lost it. Doesn't know why he's going on random tangents when he's about to die. Thinks it sounds like him

unhappy that he knows what being shot at feels like

isn't sure if he knows how to use a gun or not

he claims he was either lieutenant colonel whatshisname or general smashemup. Doesn't think he has what it takes to be a general.

third Echelon unit,,

roleplays as a soldier doing inane radio chatter

coming to the conclusion that Felix is roleplaying as whatever he thinks he might've been to test it out

sees an airship, gasps, wonders when crabs figured out flight

worried about how one defends against angry flying crabs

a room not exploding and not shooting at him is labeled dubiously relaxing

tries to jump on an elevator to make it go

FAILS the falling debris section. Falls! He's okay! Alyx makes no ocmment!

Felix doesn't know how he survived that but blames antimatter. Has a grudge against antimatter.

balls joke,,

"go back to shooting the woman"

flings a man away with a "wheeeee!"

repeats "core" quietly to himself for a bit. Asks Alyx if the computer has any softcore on there

does NOT want to enter the core room

dramatic loser talkin like an action movie hero

says a phrase in Latin, "semper fidelis". Uhhh "always truth" or "always strength" I think?

familiar with The Wizard of Oz

SO unhappy he's in the room with the core

wants to declare mutiny and leave

his balls. Being lasered

thinks he's getting severe radiation poisoning. Worried about his sperm count

his HEV suit is suspiciously protected around the crotch. Suspects cybernetics

familiar with the Spartan 2 Project? I do not know what this is.

concludes given the evidence that he's got a robot penis

so proud of that thing and how expensive it much be. "multi-million dollar member"

wonders if he can use the combine energy spheres as a battery for his dick's nanobots and laser pointer and lockpick and wireless router

thinks the antimatter containment beam looks oddly sexual

manhacks? No. Bees.

bees v felix the robot fight of the century

tries to fence with the bee

wonders how much of his body needs to be robotic before he can be considered a cyborg

realizes he's spent an unhealthy amount of time thinking about his dick

thinks the name Mercurio is a stupid name. Hopes it isnt his

thoughtlessly launches an energy ball into the core

just gonna go along with being called Gordon because right now it does seem to be his only option

thinks skywriting is hard

not sure if he should fear or embrace his killer instinct

thinks he must have killer combat training

"RAAAGH AND OTHER SCARY NOISES"

expresses that everything in the core is built like a puzzle

likes alliteration

USES FIREFOX. BASED

hopes he's got internet in his suit. Needs to send on those spam emails he gets to other people

colder than a witches tit, yep, normal expression, genuinely. First normal one I've heard from him

now functioning as a walking advert

had to take a "number three" once

#felix freeman #felix's mind #mindverse #nsft #alas! felix talks about his bits nonstop #rmanotes

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