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jpmarvel90 · 4 months

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Don't Belong part 2

Masterlist Natasha Masterlist

Part 1

Word Count: 5499

Relationship: Mother WandaNat x Daugher Reader

Summary: After Y/n's accident on her mission, her mother's are terrified that they might not get the chance to make things right with their daughter. That's assuming Y/n wants anything to do with them when she comes around.

Nat: Mama Wanda: Mom

Nat's POV:

It's been over 24 hours since Y/n came out of surgery and she's still unconscious with a machine helping her breathe. I thought she would have been awake by now and there'd be a relief that she was on the start of her long road to recovery.

Instead, Wanda and I are glued to our seats next to her bed. We've only gotten up to use the bathroom. Otherwise, we've remained by her side. Pepper kindly offered to take the boys for as long as it's needed. Though they are both very anxious to see Y/n themselves. They might be young, but they understand that she's hurt. They love their sister, and they want her to wake up just as much as we do.

I've not slept since we found out that she was hurt, and I don't plan to until she is awake. Though the longer it goes on, the more my body is fighting against that desire. I want to be there when she wakes up to show her that her moms are going to be there for her the whole way through her recovery.

Wanda and I have spoken a lot over the last day. We've shared our pain and sadness, whilst making sure we come up with a plan to help her with her recovery and to ultimately gain her forgiveness.

We both know that Y/n will not forgive us easily, if at all. But that doesn't mean that we're not going to try with everything in us. For too long we've allowed her to go about her life thinking that we don't love or care for her anymore. She has every right to feel that way after how we've treated her. But she will not ever question that again.

The both of us are sat in silence, both of us watching over our daughter. My eyes are trained on her chest, making sure that she is still breathing, gaining a lot of comfort from the rhythmic rise and fall of her chest. However, the silence doesn't last long until the door flies open.

Out of instinct, both Wanda and I shoot up from our seats and take a defensive stance in front of our daughter to protect her from any danger. However, we soon relax when we see Yelena's worried face. "I came as soon as I could." She tells us as she moves closer to the bed, her hand hesitant as it reaches out towards her niece.

Yelena has been away for most of the time over the last few years. She's been helping to find all the widows and has only come back for a couple of days at a time. Each time though, she has always made time for us. "How is she?" She asks, as I pull up another chair for my sister.

"It's not good. She's still in critical condition. They had to remove part of her liver, but Cho reckons that if she can get through these first few days, that she'll be on track for a full recovery." I fill her in as her eyes never leave Y/n. "Clint said that it was a double agent that set her up." She states and we nod in clarification. "I'll be paying a visit to Fury when I'm done here." She announces, an anger to her voice. "We've tried to see him, but Fury won't let us anywhere near him." Wanda warns her but Yelena just scoffs. "I'll get to him one way or another." She states and I believe her. She's incredibly protective of the people she loves, and she'll want to make sure that he pays. I actually hope that she does.

"Wait, you said you were with Clint?" I question her and she nods. "Yeah, he was with me on my last mission. He's waiting outside, he didn't want to intrude." She responds, pointing towards the window behind her where Clint is stood with a young girl next to him. "Who's with him?" I ask. "Kate Bishop. Clint's stray. He's going to see if she can join Shield." Yelena explains. "She was with us and had no where else to go so I said she could stay here for now." She adds on. If Clint thinks she's worthy of Shield, then I believe that she is. She must also be good if Yelena has been working with her. She wouldn't let anyone help who would slow her down.

"How long are you back for?" Wanda steps in with her own question, making my own ears prick up for her response. "As long as I need to be. I want to be around to help with her recovery." Yelena replies, making me smile. Y/n is going to need all the help she can get, and she adores Yelena, so I'm glad that she's not going anywhere any time soon.

After a while, we indicate for Clint and Kate to come in. We go through our introduction, and I can see how enthusiastic Kate is. She's very chatty and I'm surprise she's not pissed off Clint and Yelena yet though! "I read about Y/n in the Young Initiative files." Kate shares. "Did you know she is the only recruit to ever get a perfect score. She could have passed the exams two years ago and still topped the class." She tells us enthusiastically. "Sounds like you're a fan." Yelena teases her, making the young girl blush. "I guess when your parents are the Black Widow and the Scarlett Witch, you're going to be good." Kate chuckles.

It makes my gaze drop, something that Yelena clocks on to instantly. She's not been around so hasn't seen how we've treated Y/n. I'm actually worried for when I tell her. She's going to hate us for it and I'd be surprised if she even lets us stay around Y/n. "Y/n did it all on her own. With a little help from Steve. Her talent has come from her own ability and desire to be the best." Wanda corrects Kate, showing that we have no claim to how good Y/n is at being an agent. "Oh, that's even more impressive then. You must be really proud." She smiles at us and we both nod. "More than she'll ever know." I mutter.

__________

When Kate and Clint leave, Yelena is quick to question Wanda and I. We tell her of what's been going on and how ashamed we are and how much we want to be able to fix everything. "You don't deserve to fix it." She spits angrily at us. "It's no excuse to say that you got lost in the boys. Y/n is your daughter too and she needed you." She shouts, calling us both out on our actions. "We know Yelena. We can't take back how we've treated her. But I promise that we won't every do anything like that again!" I tell her sincerely. "No, you won't. I won't let you. If you are going to be back in her life as the parents you should have been, you have to be all in. You promised to be better than we had Natasha!" She tells me firmly with a finger jabbing into my chest.

"I know Yelena. I wish I had a valid excuse or reason for what we did. I will never forgive myself. I will always have a hatred towards myself for ever making her feel the way we did. But I'm not going to wallow and hide away from it. I want to own up to the mistake and try and fix it. I know that it's not going to be an easy fix, but I will stay here and face the brunt of the anger and pain that she's feeling because I will not give up on her. Not again." I tell her passionate. "Neither of us will. I promise you Yelena, we will do everything in our power to fix this." Wanda steps up and adds her own promise, taking my hand. At least we have each other through all of this.

Yelena doesn't speak, she just looks between the two of us, her chest heaving with anger. It's intimidating to be the one on the receiving end, but we deserve it. I'm glad that Yelena is here. She simple nods her head and that is the subject over with. For now.

That night, my body ultimately wins, and I end up getting a couple of hours sleep. Though it's full of nightmares that I can't seem to escape and then when I wake up, I'm terrified that Y/n will be awake already and I'll have missed it. But when my body wakes with a jolt, I'm met with my sleeping wife and still unconscious daughter.

I stretch out and move closer to the bed and take Y/n's bruised hand in my own. "I can't lose you. You are my daughter, blood or not and I love you so much. I know I haven't shown that to you and there is no excuse for that. I also know that you have every right to never forgive me. So, my only request, is please wake up. Please survive. I don't think I can live in a world without you in it." I plead with her. Hoping that somewhere in her subconscious she can hear me. I squeeze her hand, hoping for any response, but nothing comes.

The day goes by slower than usual. That is until Cho comes in to check on Y/n and gives us the good news that she should be able to breathe without the ventilator now. Wanda and I step outside as we watch through the window. We're holding on to each other tightly as we watch. "This is good. She's strong and this is the first step to her waking up." Wanda speaks. I can hear the hesitation in her voice, showing that she is trying to convince herself more than anything. "You're right. She is so strong. I know she's going to wake up soon." I add on, smiling at my wife.

Cho soon joins us with a smile. "She's doing well. She's now breathing easily on her own. I expect she'll wake up within a few hours. I'll be back to do a full examination then so we can assess her injuries." She informs us. I feel a sense of relief wash over me. Hopefully it won't be long until our daughter is back with us.

The next couple of hours seems to drag by. Clint, Yelena and Kate all paid another visit but left to try and sort a room out for Kate in the compound. Steve was then the next to join us, taking a seat at the end of Y/n's bed. It's a long wait until we finally see a twitch to Y/n's eye.

I'm the first to my feet, leaning over to see if I had imagined the small movement. "Y/n, honey. It's mama. Can you hear me?" I ask her, fighting off the tears threatening to fall. With a flutter, her blues eyes lock on to mine. "She squeezed my hand." Wanda says excitedly. "Baby, we're here." She tells Y/n, who's got a confused look in her eyes.

"You're in the medical wing sweetheart. You got shot on your mission." I explain to her. "S-t-Steve." She stutters out. "He's fine. He's here." I reassure her, waving for Steve to come closer. "Hey kiddo. Boy we're glad to see you awake." He tells her with a relived smile. One that she returns. "I'll got and get Dr Cho." Wanda states, quickly leaving the room. "T-the m-mission." Y/n starts but Steve is quick to stop her. "Is not to worry about right now. Just know it wasn't your fault. But we'll explain it when you're doing better." He tells her, earning a nod. She reaches out her hand to Steve and he instantly takes it. "You're not allowed to scare us like that again." He chuckles, his voice wavering.

"S-sorry." She replies, her eyes fluttering again. "It's ok sweetheart. Don't fight it if you want to sleep again." I tell her softly. She doesn't really acknowledge me, but she does seem to listen as her eyes flutter shut once again.

They don't stay closed for long though, soon woken up by Cho as she comes in with a wide smile. "There's my favourite patient." She smiles at Y/n, who grins in return. "I bet you s-say that to e-everyone." Y/n responds through a struggled chuckle. "But with you I actually mean it." Cho winks, before looking over Y/n's chart and obs.

She takes the time to explain Y/n's injuries to her and the plan for her recovery. I see her face drop when she realises she's going to be in the hospital for at least another week before being on strict bed rest when she's discharged. "I'll be around if you need anything or have any questions. So please get one of the nurses to get me if you need me. That goes for all of you." Dr Cho offers. "Thank you. For everything." I tell her sincerely. She gives me a tightly smile before turning on her heel and leaving the three of us too it.

With Cho gone, it's silent in the med bay as Wanda, Steve and I just watch over Y/n. She is struggling to keep her eyes open, but I can see a pain in them when they lock on to mine. "You should get some rest kiddo." Steve speaks up as Y/n nods in return. "W-will you s-stay?" She asks, making Steve smile widely. "Of course." He returns, moving to get another chair to sit with us. At that confirmation, Y/n seems comfortable enough to let her eyes close and for sleep to take back over.

It's almost agony to see her asleep once again. We've been waiting for so long for her to wake up, for her to be asleep so soon is tough. I almost want to start apologising and showing her that we're going to change and it's going to stick. But I don't want to overwhelm her. At the moment, her recovery is the most important thing. As much as I hate it, earning her forgiveness will have to wait.

"Now she's awake, you two should head to your apartment. See the twins, eat some proper food, and get some sleep. I can stay with her." Steve offers, but I'm quick to decline. "I don't want to leave her." I tell him, whilst gripping her hand tighter, my eyes not leaving her sleeping form. Steve lets out a sigh. "She'll be asleep for a while, and she needs you both on top form." He tells us.

I feel a hand on my shoulder and look up to see Wanda smiling warmly at me. I hadn't even noticed that she had moved from the other side of the bed. "Steve's right. We've been here for days. If we want to do what's right by Y/n, then we need to look after ourselves as well." She speaks sense.

With a huff I stand from my seat and lean forward to press a kiss to Y/n's head. "We'll be back later sweetheart. I love you so much." I tell her softly then move so that Wanda can say goodbye too. With one last look to our daughter, we both reluctantly leave. Though I smile when I see Steve move closer and take Y/n's hand in his own. Although I will forever regret how we have treated Y/n, I'm glad that she has had Steve there for her.

Y/n's POV:

Well, that was not how I wanted my first mission to go. I wanted to impress everyone, not end up in the med bay with part of my liver missing! Waking up was a weird experience. Seeing my parents' faces were the last thing I expected to see. They seem genuinely worried, but that was probably all a front for everyone else. They can't be seen to not care about the daughter they've ignored for the last few years.

When I wake up next, I see Steve smile down at me. "You're still here." I say and he nods. "Of course. I wanted to make sure that you're ok." He replies, making my own smile grow. I look around and my smile drops when I see that my moms aren't here. I can't hide that it hurts a little that they didn't stick around. But I shouldn't care about that. They haven't cared about me.

"Should have guessed they would go once I woke up." I complain, wincing as I try to adjust myself in bed. "Careful Y/n/n." Steve scolds me as he shoots to his feet to help adjust my pillows. "I told them to go." He admits and I look at him with a frown. "Not like that. But they have not left your side since you were brought in. They weren't looking after themselves and if they are going to help you through your recovery, they need to be at 100%" He explains but I just scoff.

"I don't need their help with my recovery. They didn't care before I was hurt, they don't get to care now." I groan. Steve takes his seat again and looks at me with his, "I know I'm right" look. "Y/n. I know you don't believe it, but they do care for you. They were cut up when you got hurt. They were devastated that they wouldn't have the chance to be able to make things up to you." He says. I roll my eyes, but he continues. "Look, I'm not saying you have to forgive them. But you can't question how much they have cared for you over the last few days."

"Fine, but I'm not going back to their place to recover." I huff, folding my arms. "Considering you've been shot and in a medically induced coma for the last few days, it's good to see it hasn't affected your attitude." Steve teases.

We sit in silence as I think about my parents. They surely can't think that just because they've been sat beside my bed whilst I've been hurt is going to make up for everything that they have done over the years? Who's to say that they won't go back to how they were once I'm healed? I have a place at Sheild now. Somewhere that I can make a name for myself and create my own family.

"I'm sorry I messed up the mission." I break the silence, my mind now moving on to the fact I failed at my first mission. "You didn't fail anything kiddo. We were set up. If anything, I should apologise to you. They were after me, but you were the one to get hurt. You did a great job of take on as many agents as you did." He explains, taking my hand in his. "You fought, and it's because of your skill and ability that you're alive. You impressed everyone." He assures me, running his thumb over my bruised knuckles.

Our moment is broken when my moms walk back in. "You're awake!" Mom says excitedly as both her and mama move into the room quickly. Steve moves back from my side, which I frown at as mama takes my hand in hers. I'm quick to pull it away. The hurt that flashes across her face doesn't go unnoticed, but I'm not in the mood to pretend like everything is ok right now.

"How are you feeling?" Mom asks, appearing to my left. "I'm fine." I respond shortly, receiving a warning raised eyebrow from Steve. "Are you in pain? I can get the nurse to come in and get you some pain killers." Mom fusses. "I'm fine." I repeat the same words. "That's not true, you've been wincing since you've woken up." Steve rats me out. Traitor. "If a 40 calibre bullet went through you, I'm sure you'd be wincing too." I snap. "Told you. Amazing how your attitude hasn't changed." Steve chuckles.

However, both my mom's look at me with worried looks. "I'm going to get Dr Cho. You look pale." Mom worries before rushing out the room.

Mama reaches forward and places her hand on my head, which I quickly try and move away from her touch. "You're hot. I hope you're not running a fever." She states. "Like you care." I mumble, but she hears it and that look of hurt appears on her face again. "Look Y/n. I know you believe that we don't care or love you. But that couldn't be further from the truth. I want nothing more than to talk to you about it and start to make up for everything. But right now, all that matters is your recovery. You can hate us and ignore us or yell at us, but we are not going anywhere." She states firmly, her eyes locked on to mine. I just roll my eyes and turn to look at Dr Cho who has walking into the room.

She checks me over and I notice the frown on her face. "What's up?" I question. "I'm worried about your temperature. I want to run some tests, but with the inflammation to your incision, I'm worried you've got an infection. It's nothing to worry about as we've caught it early. But we'll need to keep a close eye on you." She replies. "So, no discharge yet then." I huff.

Cho chuckles and looks up from my chart. "It's funny you think you were close even without this infection." She teases. "Aren't you meant to be nice to me? I'm a patient after all." I pout. "If I'm on good behaviour, can I get out early?" I plead. "Maybe in a week. But you'll be on strict bed rest and need to be cared for. You're still technically a minor." Cho breaks the news and I know exactly what she's getting at. "But I'm 18 in like 4 days! Besides, I literally got shot on a mission for Shield. Surely that's enough?" I argue.

"Y/n, you are going to struggle to walk, let alone be able to properly look after yourself. Even after you're 18, you'll need support during your recovery. It isn't a simple road ahead for you." Dr Cho returns. "So, what are you saying?" I get straight to the point. "I'm recommending that you are discharged to your family. You'll be in the compound so if anything goes wrong, you can get the right medical attention straight away." She explains. "Really? There are no other options. Can't I stay with Steve or something?" I ask but she shakes her head.

"Y/n, come on. It's what is best for you. Your moms will be there to help. I'll be away on missions so can't give you the care you need." Steve speaks up, but soon shrinks back as I glare at him. "Really, what makes you think that I'll get the care I need at home?" I growl, my anger building. "Y/n..." Mama starts but I cut her off. "No! You can't just stand there and act like the caring parents when you have done nothing to back that claim up. I've been the forgotten daughter for years! Slowly I have been pushed out this family and now you want me to just act like everything is ok and trust that you'll look after me?!" I yell, that frustration finally finding its way out.

"Y/n, you need to calm down. Your heartrate is getting too high." Dr Cho tries to calm me down. "Kiddo. You're ok. You need to give them a chance." Steve tries to reason. "A chance like I was given? I've practically raised myself these last few years!" I snap. Why is he suddenly defending them?!

"Please sweetheart. You're going to make yourself sicker. We want to be there for you. We're not denying how badly we've treated you. But I promise that it will never happen again. You'll be safe with us. We just want to be able to care for you and help you get to full health." Mama speaks, her eyes filled with tears. I look between her, and mom and I see that she's almost inconsolable. "Do I have a choice?" I sigh, turning to Cho. "Technically, yes. But physically, you won't be able to follow through with it." She breaks the bad news. Suddenly the sounds of my heart monitor becomes noticeable so I lie back and take a couple of deep breaths. I can feel all their eyes on me, and I let out a sigh. "Fine whatever." I respond. I just need to do everything that Cho tells me so I can heal as fast as possible and move back to Shield and start my life again.

__________

The next few days are not fun. My infection hit me pretty hard, and I spent a lot of time either sweating or freezing whilst fighting the urge to throw up. I hate being stuck in this bed and I just want to be healthy again and being able to go on missions. Before it went south, I was loving it. Even if it was just a small one.

I'm also finding it hard that my mothers are suddenly around all the time. Mama is much better at not smothering me. Mom on the other hand, she is always fussing. But that's her and I used to love it when I was younger, when she actually cared about my wellbeing. "Wands, she's already said she has enough pillows." Mama sighs, her own frustrations growing. "Yes, sorry you did." Mom apologises, slowly putting the pillow down she had in her hands.

"Can I get you anything else? Some food. Though the food here is pretty horrible. When you're back home, I'll make sure to cook you something tasty with the food you're allowed to eat." She starts to ramble. I'm not going to lie, that does sound amazing, and I'd kill for a bowl of paprikash right now. I remember when mom taught me how to cook it. It was one of the last memories I have of us spending quality time together.

I don't realise I'm smiling until I see both my parents looking at me warmly. I quickly shake it off, not wanting to let them think that I'm enjoying this in the slightest. "You know what. A sandwich would be good." I say, taking them both by surprise. I've not been very talkative, but I could do with a break right now. I know I won't be able to get rid of both of them, but I can at least take a break from mom fussing.

"Of course. I'll go and make you something up and bring it down. The bread is always dry here." She speaks, grabbing a couple of things and turning to leave. "Maybe I'll check with Cho if you could have a smoothy." She mumbles, making mama chuckle as she leaves.

I let out a breath of relief. I feel slightly less suffocated. But I am still very aware of mama's eyes boring into me. I'm used to her being quiet. She always observes, making her conclusions before talking when it's necessary. But seeing her now, it feels different. I'm pretty good at reading people and I can tell that she is lost in her own thoughts. I've only seen her like it a couple of times before and it's been after particularly difficult missions. Ones that bring up bad memories for her.

I grab the TV remote and try and find something to watch. I end up with Rizzoli and Isles on. I don't really watch it, but the sound is helping to break the awkward silence. Just after they break the case in the show, I notice mama sit more upright in her seat.

"When I found you in Hydra, I knew instantly that I wanted to help you. There was something about you that melted my heart. When we found out that you had no family to return you to, it wasn't even a question, I knew I was going to adopt you. In that short space of time, I had spent with you, I grew to love you." She starts. I don't look to her, my focus on the TV.

"Even though you had been through so much, you had this happiness around you. You were grateful for everything and found the joy in the smallest thing. I just wanted to give you a life that you deserved. When I married Wanda, I was so happy that I could give you two loving parents." From the corner of my eye, I can see her smile tearily as she picks at the skin around her fingers.

"I failed you Y/n. When I adopted you, I promised that I would be the best parent to you. That you would never want for anything. What's worse, is I never even noticed what I was doing. What we were both doing. I've always prided myself on being able to read people, but I couldn't see the damage I was doing to my own daughter." She continues, pain evident in her voice.

"I wish I could go back in time to change how we acted with you. To include you fully with the twins, to support you in your work in the Shield Programme. To show that even with the boys, you were loved and an integral part of this family. All I can do is apologise and promise that we are not going to let that happen again." She finishes, finally look up to me, a couple of tears falling down her cheeks.

"It's been years. We're not just talking about a couple of months here." I speak up, still not able to lock eyes with her. "Steve became more of a parent for me than the two of you." I admit, and that seems to make mama's heart break a little more. "Is it because I'm not biologically yours and moms?" I ask, my voice shaking.

Mama is quickly to her feet and takes my hand in between both of hers. "No. Of course not Detka, and I will forever hate myself that I've allowed you to think otherwise." She tries to reassure me, a panic in her eyes. "I wish I could give you a reason for why we acted like we did. Initially, it was because we were so focused on the boys, but after that, I have no idea. I wish I could pinpoint why, maybe it would make this all easier. I know you probably don't believe it, but I love you as much as those boys. Blood doesn't matter to me. You are my daughter as much as they are my sons. I know and feel that through every fibre of my body." She expresses. The sincerity is evident in both her voice and facial expressions. "Saying sorry isn't going to fix this. You only knew what you were doing because I called you out on it. Had I not gotten shot, would you have made any effort to rectify what was wrong?" I question her, my anger growing.

"We wanted to. We were planning on taking you to breakfast to talk and work out a way that we could make things right with you. But you had gone, and we couldn't get to you. You have a lot of people at Sheild that love you." She chuckles humourlessly. That is true. Maria is like an aunt to me and her and Fury happily kept my room allocation secret, "Look, I know that we don't deserve your forgiveness, but it doesn't mean that we are going to stop trying." She states firmly.

"It's not that simple mama. I have learnt to live without you now and I've got my own place with Shield. We can both move on with you getting your perfect biological family and I get the career I want." I say, but that only makes mama cry more. "No, our family is only perfect if you are in it too!" She almost shouts, but she's quick to calm herself down. "Look, we've got to live together through your recovery, let's just see how things go after that ok." She proposes. "Fine, but I can't promise anything will change." I respond and she nods. "I know. But I'm going to try everything to earn your forgiveness." She comes back with a newfound confidence.

We fall back into a silence, one that feels more comfortable. Mama looks less stressed, but her brow is still furrowed. When mom returns, the quiet is broken again, despite mama trying to get her to calm down. I try not to smile when she tucks a loose strand of hair behind my ear. I miss this caring side of my parents so much. But for me, it's too little, too late.

Taglist: @reggierizzoli @ordelixx @mousetheorist

#marvel fanfiction #natasha romanoff #avengers fanfiction #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff x y/n #marvel #avengers #romanoff #wanda maximoff #wanda maximoff x y/n #wanda maximoff x reader #wandanat x reader

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emrysaf · 4 years

Text

Never Enough Pt. 16

So, uhm. Shit’s about to go down. @peggycarter-steverogers @dottirose

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I've been away, a little while, sometimes I just can't help myself

When my mind's running wild, I seem to lose grip on reality

And I try to disregard the crazy things the voices tell me to do, but it's no use

I tried to own it, write songs about it

Believe me I tried, in the end I needed to breathe

Find inspiration, some kind of purpose

To take a second to face the shit that makes me, me

All I needed was the last thing I wanted

To sit alone in a room and say it all out loud

Every moment, every second, every trespass

Every awful thing, every broken dream

A couple years back and forth with myself in a cage

Banging my head against the wall tryna put words on a page

All I needed was the last thing I wanted

To be alone in a room, alone in a room

I saw the world a couple times, tried to cure the ache with absence

But that hole was still a hole and my mind kept playing tricks on me

Feeling older every day, took everything I had to not crash and burn

But I'm starting to learn

Sometimes I'll fall down, sometimes I'll lose hope

But those days will be few if I keep my feet on the ground

I might be lonely, but I ain't alone here

So I keep pushing the limits of what makes me

♫🎝♫🎝♫🎝♫🎝♫🎝♫🎝♫🎝♫🎝♫

Bucky and Steve had many talks about the future back before the war; when things were simpler. James Buchanan Barnes was a flirt and no one would deny it, but he had always said he wanted to settle down after the war. He wanted to be someone that somebody wanted for the rest of their lives, even if he thought the best route was to move from dame to dame until he felt that ‘thing’.

When he was in Wakanda, the White Wolf saw many happy families, couples and admittedly strange groupings. He saw young men and women wooing other men and women in various combinations that would have been kept quiet in his time. But he felt a sense of pride for them. To love who they loved and receive that love back in return. However, he thought he would never be something for him to hope for again; who could love a monster? Want a family with a monster?

Then, he was back with his old pal. Steve, and everyone were so kind and welcoming; especially Steve’s new trainee Y/N. And old dreams came back.

Once they were together, and the happiness and love seemed like it would bloom and re-bloom over and over forever, he sat in the kitchen and talked to Steve about all the cliches. Settling down. Stopping the hero gig. Getting married, white picket fence and children to share in the love he felt overflowing him.

It wouldn’t feel like too long before everything went downhill. And fast.

He had always felt like, maybe, he had overwhelmed her. She was always wanting him to be happy. But maybe Y/N hadn’t wanted to have his kids. Maybe, despite everything, she still didn’t want to chance having a life with a monster?

These were concerns he eventually talked to Steve about, and now Steve was passing this to Wanda. Just because she could didn’t mean she was always around prying into others’ minds for information that wasn’t her business.

Bucky’s road to recovery had been rough after the Winter Soldier conditioning. Then everything with Y/N, and he had done well again. But after the news of her time in medbay and her subsequent stay at the mental health facility; Bucky hadn’t been doing well, and Steve could tell when he stopped him in the hall on his way out last night.

--------------------------------------------------

“I’d been worried his progress was relapsing because of Y/N. His self-doubt and self/hatred was smothering him,” Steve explained to Wanda as they both paced the kitchen; unsure of their roles and responsibilities in this. “He told me- He said he thought she was scared to have a kid with him after they talked about maybe trying. He thinks that fear of some monster baby is what had her wanting out of their relationship, but the fear also kept her from just breaking it off, and that’s why she did what she did.”

“For someone so self deprecating, he sure thinks way too much is about him,” Wanda said in a flat tone. “I want you to give me permission to see her Steve. You are her proxy, and you already made decisions for testing. You can say I can visit. These two are spiraling into themselves, and I am going to get to the bottom of it.”

-----------------------------------------------------

Steve had begrudgingly agreed with Wanda’s demand, and called the hospital while she was already on her way there. The doctor’s were a bit shocked he would pull this as a proxy, but he assured them it was for the best. Y/N wasn’t going to talk, and they couldn’t let her keep pulling this shit she was doing.

-------------------------------------------------

BEEP. BEEP.

Wanda walked through the electric-locked doors with her hands twisting in her visitor's pass that hung around her neck. A female nurse with graying hair, and kind eyes led her to Y/N’s door and swiped a card to let her in.

“We will have to lock it after you go in, but I’ve seen you on the news and I think you can handle yourself young lady,” explained the woman with a light smile. “Just press this button right here when you want let out.”

“Yes. Thank you.”

After the door shut behind her and locked with a “beep” Wanda faced her friend who’s back was to her, staring at the wall. They had lowered her dose, but she was still on the edge; everything was just a bit off and her brain a bit fuzzy.

Knowing Y/N wasn’t going to face her, or speak, Wanda made her way across the room to sit at her side on the small bed. She placed a hand on her back and gently rubbed circles as she began to lay everything out for her.

“I made Steve let me come see you, so don’t be to angry with him. He- We all want what is best for you,” she started. “The doctor talked to Steve about your medical things to see why you weren’t talking, and your file had something none of knew anything about Y/N. . .”

Y/N startled a bit at this, her eyes got wide and she opened her mouth as if to argue. But no sound came out. So, Wanda went on.

“I figured it out Y/N. Why you didn’t want the team to visit you when Steve brought you to the compound, and after.” Wanda took a deep inhale to center herself as she could feel herself becoming frustrated. “I know you didn’t want me to read you. To know about something. Was it about having a child? I don’t get why you wouldn’t let us know. Let us help. We are your friends and family. But I am going to find out.”

This shattered Y/N false neutrality, and the tears began.

“You know I usually wouldn’t do this without permission, but you are hurting yourself. Inside and out. And you are taking everyone with you,” as she finished her piece she reached out with twisting hands glowing red. “Don’t make it harder on yourself, on me. Let me in”

Everything flashed past so quickly. Like a flood. Like Y/N had wanted to give in and tell someone all this time. With another pulse of power Wanda slowed the frantic thoughts to start at the beginning.

Childhood sickness.

Y/N’s parents whispering about what this medicine would mean for their daughter’s future and possibilities of a family.

Being taken by Hydra and tortured. Tested on. Pain.

Her enhancement taking out the whole chamber and frying the electroshock machine they had been using.

Meeting Steve when his mission team came to the base she was held at.

Being taken to meet the team under Steve’s wing.

Training, learning becoming friends.

The Winter Soldier returning from Wakanda.

Y/N being so nervous around him, but wanting him to feel just as welcomed as she had felt.

The team dinners. Becoming a family.

Everyone convincing Y/N Bucky liked her back.

Bucky and Y/N confessing.

Dates. Love. So much love.

The images seemed to take on a darker look. Like they were warped or being seen through darkness. But one thing was bathed in light. One person. Bucky. Like a spotlight, he was covered in brighter glow.

Listening in on Steve and Bucky’s conversation. Family. Marriage. Children.

Deciding to try.

Doctor visit.

The doctor visit. There was something wrong with her. She couldn’t give him what he needed; deserved.

The whole team going on a mission. Steve telling Y/N it was for the best she didn’t come. Just in case. In case she hurt someone.

Spiralling. Sadness. Confusion. Anger. Questioning.

A decision made. A lie told.

Y/N looking out the back window of the town car waving at Steve and Wanda. Turning in her seat and getting brief glance at a heartbroken Bucky.

“Little pain now, but you will be better without me. I want you to be happier.”

Wanda was shoved out of Y/N’s mind by sheer will-power.

“She saw what she came for. I don’t want her to see the rest. What I did. All that blood,” Y/N thought to herself.

Both women had tears spilling over as Wanda looked at Y/N in a look of awestruck horror. But Y/N seemed. . . Relieved. Healing was already starting, inside.

“You got what you came for.” whispered Y/N, voice rough with disuse. “Please go.” Wanda looked like she was going to argue so Y/N assured her. “I feel. . . Better. I will try for everyone. For you. For me. Promise.”

At this, Wanda nodded. “Okay. I will see you in a couple weeks.” and Y/N faintly smiled and tilted her head in affirmative. “And Y/N? I love you. We- We all love you, and miss you so much.”

“Me too.”

-----------------------------------------

Regardless of the hows or whys, Y/N still needed to heal and the best place was here at the hospital. Wanda told the nurse on her way out that she thinks they should try again with Y/N; assuring her that Y/N was going to try this time and walking out the door.

Quickly, Wanda pulled out her phone and texted Steve :

Y/N didn’t cheat. Lied.

Thought she was freeing Buck

Because of the baby thing.

----------------------------------------------

When he felt his phone buzz Steve took it from his jacket sleeve as he glanced at Bucky; slouching with his head on one hand and his other stirring the tiny straw in his drink. As super soldiers they couldn’t get drunk, but it was the thought that counted. Steve had brought his pal to the bar to, hopefully, dissuade him from a meltdown when they discussed Y/N and the real cause of her issues, cheating and all.

His brows were furrowed as he re-read the text from Wanda when he heard Bucky.

“So, Steve, why are we here? We can’t even get drunk, and you obviously have something to tell-”

The sudden cut in Bucky’s sentence whipped Steve’s gaze from his phone to see what caught his friend’s attention. Captain America himself was not prepared for what he saw, nor was he quick enough to stop his enraged friend from leaping up. Murder in his eyes directed at one bar patron.

A dark haired man sat near the bar with a couple friends shoulders shaking and tattooed hands gripping his beer hard. Green eyes watering in laughter at something his friend must have said.

To the Winter Soldier, this man was laughing at him. At what he’d done. What he’d taken.

To the Winter Soldier, this green-eyed, dark-haired, tattooed bastard was a dead man.

Too bad this guy had no idea what was going on.

73 notes · View notes

aponderingcharming · 4 years

Text

We Have What We Have When We Have It - Part 2

Thanos has been defeated. Everyone is back. But Tony is gone, and so is Natasha. As Steve tries to come to terms with the loss, he discovers something that belonged to her. Read on AO3.

They had done it.

They had defeated Thanos.

But now they needed to clean up.

Clean-up operations were always messy, but Steve had never seen destruction like this.

Hundreds of people were scattered around the vast area gathering up the debris, building what looked to be endless mounds of broken pieces of what once was whilst trying to make sense of the chaos and sorting out what was left into some kind of order.

Steve watched on from the sidelines, almost glued to the spot as they worked, entranced as they divvied up bits of his life, feeling pretty lost.

Everyone who had been lost to the snap had come back and life was very slowly starting to return to whatever the new normal was going to be. Sure it was going to take a while to adjust to, well, everything but the atmosphere around the world was one of celebration and new hope.

He should have been celebrating, too. They had won, right? Families were reunited, friends back together again. And while bringing Bucky and Sam and Wanda back filled the void that had been aching inside of him since the second they disappeared, there was a new void now and this one felt different.

Stronger.

Worse.

After Tony’s funeral, Pepper had offered him a room to stay for a couple of days until he had to go and return the stones but most nights he found himself unable to sleep and ending up back at the remains of the headquarters, standing amongst the carnage, some part of him searching for answers in the chunks and shards of concrete and metal. Rubble spread out for what seemed like an eternity and any hope of finding anything that could connect him to himself, the person he was before all of this, was getting less and less as each day passed.

He’d lost his home.

Maybe it wasn’t his home for much of the last seven years or so, but it still held that place of belonging in his heart. It was the first place he had ever grown a sense of attachment to, the first place that lent itself a purpose to him. It was where they trained and forged relationships and built trust and carved out some sense of existence amid all of the madness that was their lives as Avengers.

It was where Natasha stayed when everyone else, including himself, left.

And now it had been reduced to nothing.

Just piles and piles of rooms and furniture and memories of now distant times.

And -

She was gone, too.

That he hadn’t fully dealt with yet either.

Part of him kept acting as if she was away on a mission or gone off the radar and she’d swoop in at any moment with an arched eyebrow, a sly smirk and some witty one-liner. Yet as the hours and days went by, the reality of it all was hitting him hard.

Losing Tony was worse than he could have ever imagined, especially when they had only recently mended their bridges, and him leaving behind Pepper and Morgan, sacrificing himself for the sake of everyone else, stirred up this burning in his chest that got more prominent as the time waged on.

But losing Nat?

Words didn’t exist for that kind of pain.

Nothing anyone could say or do - nothing he could say or do - could make it better.

Steve had experienced loss in so many ways – waking up seventy years later with everything and everyone you had ever known now reduced to another time had truly taken its toll on him and took many years to fully process and move on from – but this feeling, this grief that he was dealing with was overwhelming. It was like drowning; gasping for air, grappling for relief, yearning for a break – and it never coming. Instead, the pressure got worse, the pain more intense, the ache becoming almost a part of him now.

It consumed his every thought and action.

Natasha was the last thing he thought of when he did manage to fall asleep and she was the first thing he thought of when he woke. Throughout the day, the littlest things sparked memories of her and clips of their conversations whirled into his mind regularly. Sometimes he could relay them word for word and recall her exact facial expressions and tone of voice. He hoped he’d never forget that. Or anything else about her, like the way her eyes widened when he said something that took her by surprise; the slight parting of her lips when she didn’t know what to say; the eyebrow that somehow conveyed a million things at once; the smile that was only for him – soft and genuine, there but not quite there; the touch of her hand on his arm that was so anchoring and soothing at the same time; her lithe, graceful movement from years of ballet training; her impressive and frightening skill; her unmatched humour. He didn’t want to forget any of it.

He didn’t realize this kind of love existed. Sure, he had seen it among friends, had felt something akin to it with Peggy, but it wasn’t until now, when it was too late – again – that he knew that a deep love like this was real.

Why couldn’t he have recognized it sooner?

They knew their jobs were risky and putting your life on the line was practically in the job description, yet he thought that there would be this seemingly perfect time to tell her?

They were meant to get lives. And judging by their last conversation - if he could ever let himself actually believe it - lives with each other.

See you in a minute.

Oh how he wished he had said something back to her instead of offering that confident, half smile. He never knew a minute could last a lifetime.

So he stood there desperately watching as they disposed of the remnant of this chapter of his life, stuck in his what-ifs and daydreams, heart completely broken, and so unsure of what was next for him.

And then he heard a voice.

“Sorry, Captain?”

Steve batted away the tear that slipped down his cheek and turned to look at a young, plucky man that had made his way over to him at some point while he was away in his own mind.

“I’m sorry for disturbing you and I know it’s not much yet, but there’s a trailer over there that has a bunch of stuff that’s still in-tact if you want to have a look? Might be something of yours in there,” he said, pointing to his right at a trailer that was half-full of what looked to be just pieces of junk.

Steve nodded, hoping that the action appeared somewhat grateful. “Thank you. I’ll be sure to have to a look.”

The young man offered a timid smile and then moved to walk away but not before saying, “Thank you for bringing my parents back.”

A tiny smile forced itself to form on his face as he watched the man re-join the efforts.

They had won.

That was what Natasha wanted after all.

He just wished he could have told her.

With a deep breath and spying the trailer of junk, Steve ambled over to it, hands in pockets, a little sceptical that it would hold anything of real value. And to the naked eye, he was right. Somehow a bunch of picture-less photo frames had managed to survive. A couple of science books. A load of what looked to be computer accessories or parts – he wasn’t sure, really. A stool. An armchair. Some, but not a lot, of training gear. Nothing that seemed to be important.

Nevertheless, he reached over and in, moving things out of the way to have a look at what was underneath.

That’s when he found it.

It was a deep red, beat-up, scratched, metal box. It was small, couldn’t hold much of anything – maybe some papers or pictures. But he had never seen it before.

Gripping his two hands on the edge of the trailer, he hoisted himself up and then used one hand to steady himself whilst the other one grabbed the box. He landed back on his feet with a soft thud. It was lighter than he thought it would be and he raised it to the side of his head and shook it. Didn’t make much noise. He turned it upside down and all the way around for any indications on what it was or who owned it. A tiny padlock on the front danced around as he searched and came up short.

His brow furrowed deeper at the mystery as he held it out in front of him as though it would all become clear if he just looked at it harder. But there was nothing to find from its exterior; it had to be opened.

Something inside him pulsed, something that felt a little like a seedling of hope, that maybe, just maybe, this was Nat’s. It was a long-shot, he knew; she had never mentioned owning anything like this - or owning anything really. Due to their lifestyle, owning things kind of became pointless because they were always on the move, not sure if they were ever returning to where they were. They didn’t really have material things.

But there was always a possibility.

Aside from him, not many other people came to visit – so it had to have been hers, right?

Maybe.

With a parting look to what was once his home, Steve tucked the box under his arm and headed back to Pepper’s house.

When Steve reached the house, he could see that it was teeming with activity. Wanda and Sam were in the kitchen visibly at odds over what to make for breakfast, Bucky and Bruce were playing a game with Morgan that involved a lot of arms and legs and big grand gestures, and Pepper was keeping herself busy, tidying and moving all of Tony’s toys and equipment out of the living spaces piece-by-piece. Steve had offered on more than one occasion to help her in moving everything around but she had insisted that it was something that she needed to do for herself and by herself. And he respected that; grief showed up differently in people and the process was never a one-track road to recovery.

Unwilling to share what he had found at the site just yet, Steve headed over to the lake and sat down at the picnic table overlooking the view. It was a cloudy day, a little on the humid side, but it was still a beautiful picture. There was something so calming about the lakefront in all of its stillness and isolation. It was almost other-worldly in its distinct little spot just mere miles from the city.

He rested the box down in front of him and folded his arms on the table like he was waiting for it turn into something else and reveal its true nature.

Eyeing a small rock at his feet, Steve bent down and picked it up, tossing it around his fingers for a few seconds. He had absolutely no idea what to expect when he opened the box, but he knew that he had to find out. He struck the padlock with the rock and released a breath when it clinked onto the table. Then, he slid the box toward him and flipped open the lid with his thumbs.

There were folded pieces of paper inside – different colours and sizes, some looked to be ripped off a bigger sheet, others more formal looking, some like they were pulled from notebooks. A pen rolled down over them when he tilted it upward to have a closer look in. No pictures or indicators of what this was or to whom it belonged. Just what appeared to be a bunch of paper.

Steve scooped them all out in one go and placed them down as he pushed the box aside. The sheet that lay on top was folded over but had jagged edges as though it had been hastily torn out from a book, but yet on the bottom right-hand corner of it, ‘For SR’ was written in small but careful letters. He knit his eyebrows together at the discovery and then proceeded to check the other pieces of paper – all of which had ‘For SR’ written somewhere on their front.

SR.

Steve Rogers.

The man inhaled deeply, heart starting to beat that much quicker. He noticed that his hands were shaking as he lifted up the top sheet again.

Looking from left to right, making sure that he was completely alone, he swallowed hard and gave himself a number of seconds to settle. Though he still had no idea what any of this was, he felt like the moment, this moment, was significant.

He unfolded the paper.

It was a letter dated the day before they went on the time heist.

To him, from Natasha.

Hey Soldier,

Even though I can’t see you, I just know you’re doing that puppy-like frown thing that you do when you’re trying to solve a puzzle. (Steve, definitely making that face, immediately relaxed his expression.) Told you. (Okay, that required a grin.) I know what you’re thinking: ‘How did she know?’ but you see, Rogers, I think you’ll find that I know you pretty well. Maybe too well. I sometimes think I know you better than I know myself.

That’s why I started doing this. Writing letters. I remember all those times were you would chirp on about modern day communication and about how the sense of personal had been - what was it you said again? - totally removed? You were pretty resolute on that. It made for some really easy digs at your age. I mean seriously Rogers, sometimes I think you did it on purpose. (He could easily picture her then; leaning back against the headboard of her bed, notebook in hand, smirking as she wrote. God, what he wouldn’t do to see that smirk again. With a shake of his head, he willed himself to read on. Needing to read on.) And while I mostly found it kind of amusing to watch you grumble about all the differences between your era and ours – my personal favourite being pretty much anything to do with aliens; even after everything you’ve seen, watching you mouth the word ‘aliens’ like it was some entirely foreign concept for you always made me laugh (Despite being alone, Steve ducked his head in embarrassment, allowing himself the chance to imagine her low and raspy snicker, allowing himself to get lost in the sound) - there were parts that I do think we as a generation should have kept. Like this, for instance.

I started doing this after everything that went down after the Accords. After I realized that I had so much to lose. I feel like I didn’t truly know that until then. And I gotta say, Cap, there is something to this whole writing-down-your-thoughts-and-sending-them-to-people thing.

Not that I’ve ever sent or given these letters to you. They’re mainly just an outlet. A place for me to write out what I’m too afraid to say. (The blonde nestled in further then, leaning his two forearms onto the table.)

I don’t know if you’ll ever read this. I hope you don’t because if you are reading this it means that I haven’t made it. (God those words…seeing them on paper made his heart thump with profound sadness. They were heavy on the sheet too, like she leaned that bit heavier with the pen, like it took all of her effort to get them down.) Most of the letters I’ve written just dive right into what was going on and what we were facing; they’re kind of like I’m just talking to you, sometimes getting deep and revealing but never so much that I feel like I’ve poured it all out. But I knew this one had to be different. Because this time, the time heist…it feels different.

I feel confident. I feel like we’re going to win. But I also feel like it won’t be easily won, that there’ll be compromises and challenges along the way and that we’ll face the hardest decisions we’ve ever had to make. Whatever it takes, right? I think some old man told me that once. (Even in letters she couldn’t resist a jibe at his age and truth be told, he found it kind of warming. The jokes were a natural part of their relationship, zipping in when he least expected them but still amusing him nonetheless. He let out a sigh though, knowing that he’d never hear one from her ever again.)

We will win, Steve. I can feel it.

But I also feel like I need to say what I have to say. Or, well, write it down, I guess. I can’t put my finger on it but this time I feel like I need to release it. Maybe it’s just for me, I don’t know. God, I wish I was brave enough to say it to you and watch your face go through hundreds of different expressions in the space of a few seconds and watch as your body tenses in that cute, shy way that’s so funny to me because you’re Captain America and you’re not intimidated by any threat but when it comes to women you instantly retreat back to that kid from Brooklyn. And I find it endearing. There, I said it. So don’t go beating yourself up over it; embrace it. It’s just another reason as to why you’re the greatest guy, Steve.

(It felt as though she paused there, the words holding so much weight even in their written state. He imagined she was working her bottom lip between her teeth as she deliberated what to say next, the slightest of furrows in her brow.)

Still with me? (“Yeah,” Steve answered aloud, swallowing hard.) I can practically hear you say yes. I bet you did, didn’t you? (A huff of laughter escaped through his nose. She really did know him. For a second, he placed the sheet down and drew in a number of long, deep breaths. He wasn’t sure what she was going to say, but he had a feeling that it was going to change everything for him.)

I really hope I get the chance to say this to you in person. Maybe I’ll do it after the heist. I mean, what am I waiting for anymore? I think I’ve waited long enough. I think you have too. You’re always waiting for something, aren’t you? I’m sorry I’m so bad at all this and I’ve kept you waiting literal years.

I feel like as time went on there was a shift in our relationship. And I think I knew it even before everything with Ultron but I never let myself think about it for too long. It scared me. I guess I didn’t understand what I was feeling because I had never felt this kind of feeling before. It was strange and new and frightening and so I pushed it to the side, kept on marching on beside you, keeping you at arm’s length even though we both know that it became harder to define the boundaries between us as the years went by. But by doing this I was able to sort through these feelings and figure out what was going on with me. Being vulnerable doesn’t come easy to me – shocker, I know. Turns out there is something I’m not good at. Just don’t tell anybody else.

So…okay, here it goes. The truth is: you’re the most important person in my life. The thought of you not being by my side through all of this…I can’t even imagine – I don’t want to ever imagine.

(Against his will, a small tear escaped his eye and snaked down his cheek. God, he didn’t ever want to do this without her either; when he truly thought about it, she was the only thing keeping him going. And now? Now she was gone. And it was so much worse than he could have ever imagined.)

I love you, Steve.

And I honestly don’t know what that looks like for us or what that could even be with the lives we lead, but I do. I really do. I think I have for a long time.

I was always taught that love was for children and I think for the most part of my life I believed that enough to be able to do what I do. But after The Avengers, I started to see the value in having friends and people who you could call family – and slowly I started to let the beginnings of love in. But with you…I can’t explain it but I know that I have never felt this way before. I feel like I subconsciously gravitate toward you when you’re nearby because I just want be around you; I care about your opinion; I want to pick you up when you feel low; I love talking to you and learning all of your mannerisms and listening to your stories form your childhood. I love the way you fight for everyone. I love the way you selflessly and tirelessly give of yourself to try to make the world the best version of itself. You make me want to be a better person. You showed me that I am a better person than I give myself credit for. No one has ever done that for me. No one has ever made me feel worthy. And in those five years after the snap, after we lost so much and I felt like I was drowning, you would just show up, like you just knew that I needed someone, a safe place to land. I like to think I became that source of safety for you then, too.

(Steve fought back the urge to fold the letter up and lock it away back in that box so that he didn’t have to see those words or hear her voice saying them with that soft tone she only ever really used for him. He could go about his life pretending that this declaration didn’t exist. Move on and get a new life, one that would make her proud. Because this? Somehow knowing that she cared for him in the same way he did for her made everything so much worse. He could never tell her that he loved her, could never validate her feelings. They could never have what they each wanted. “Damn it, Nat,” he cursed, smacking the table with his fist just to relieve some of the frustration that had crept up inside of him. Barring his teeth and setting his jaw to keep his emotion in check, he forced himself to keep going because he at least owed her that.)

Thank you for staying with me through all those times when I couldn’t bring myself to be anything to anyone. For the late night conversations; the brief moments of laughter. For being the constant in this strange world we find ourselves in. I don’t think I could ever truly convey how thankful I am that you never left me. Even when I wanted to leave me.

And thank you for taking the time to really see me. To look past all the stuff I put in the way and learn about the real me. You never shy away from my past, always willing to listen when something gets too much for me, but you also never pry or push, and you have never once judged me for who I was. I think that means more to me than you’ll ever know.

I don’t know if you feel the same way but deep down I think you do. The way you look at me sometimes…it’s like – I don’t know, it makes me feel seen. Or…whole, maybe? Like I’m enough. And you know me, I don’t think I’ve ever felt like I am enough for anything. I never felt like I belonged to this world, to this time, and I think on some level I understood you and what you felt when you woke up after the ice. Obviously not in the ‘waking up 70 years into the future’ kind of way but…I was always chasing absolution for my past, trying to be better and do better and make a difference; you were always chasing purpose in your future, trying to be better and do better and make a difference. And somehow in the middle of all that we forged a relationship that remained through all of the ups and downs and time-travel and aliens and egotistical demi-gods and talking space raccoons.

You’re never going to see this anyway so I’m gonna write it down one more time just for myself and just because it actually feels good to see it on paper:

I love you, Steve.

If you’re finding out this way I’m so sorry. I hope that I get to say it to you someday. I hope you feel the same.

And if you have that crooked smile on your face – you know the one – you can scrub it off your face now. I mean it, Rogers; don’t let it get into your head!

Now let’s go win this time heist and get everyone back so we can get lives.

Nat

Each word, each declaration was like a punch to the stomach and Steve raised his head to look out at the quiet scene ahead of him, a scene he thought of as soothing a few minutes previous now appearing desolate and lonely. The ache, the tightness, the tension in his chest expanded and then constricted, expanded and constricted, expanded and constricted like it didn’t know what it wanted to do and all he could feel was pain and loss. Tears came more abundantly now, more urgent and hot. So much so that he couldn’t even see the page anymore. He buried his face into the crook of his shoulder, squeezing his eyes so tight that when he did try to open them, he could see nothing but bright spots of colour.

Natasha had loved him.

And now she was gone.

And she didn’t know that he loved her back.

What was he supposed to do now?

#romanogers #stevenat #steve rogers #natasha romanoff #steve x natasha #capwidow #captain america #black widow #captain america x black widow #romanogers fic #avengers #avengers fanfic #mcu

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captainscanadian · 5 years

Text

Better | Bucky Barnes x Reader (Part 4)

My Masterlist

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

Summary: Bucky has a lot of suspicions. Becca had the answers he needed.

Word Count: 6122

Pairing: Doctor!Bucky x Doctor!Reader, Nurse!Wanda x Platonic!Reader, Nurse!MJ, Doctor!Sam (mentioned)

Warnings: Swearing, Mentions of Abuse & Alcoholism, Surgery, Organ Donation, IV & Needles, Emotional Distress, Physical Pain, Drugs, Hospital Stay, Blood

A/N: Sorry not sorry. Naynay, don’t kill me!

Being in and out of consciousness for God knows how long was certainly not something you were fond of. Not only were you completely unaware of what time of day it was or even what day it was for that matter, you were starting the hate the numbness that had been brought to you by the patient-control analgesia. Even the pain in your abdomen had become bearable now, but that did not help with the emotional distress that came with the numbness either.

When you had woken up from your drug-induced slumber, you had been greeted by an indescribable darkness that had blanketed over your hospital room. The lack of sunshine peaking through the gaps between the curtains were reason enough for you to assume that it was now nightfall. Your first instinct had been to turn over to your side towards the chair next to your bed, a part of you hoping that the man who had been sitting by your bedside when you had fallen asleep was still there. But much to your disappointment, he wasn’t.

You let out a soft groan at the pain that you felt on your side, thankful that the numbness was finally starting to dissolve. You hoped that would give you enough time to feel like a functioning human being for once before the next programmed dosage kicks in.

“Y/N?” The sound of a tired Sam Wilson calling out your name made you let out a sigh. “Are you awake? How are you feeling?”

You reached your hand up to rub your eyes, letting out another groan. “W-Wilson.” You croaked out, your throat had been dry every single time you woke up and you hated it. “Where’s Barnes?”

MJ had been at your bedside within seconds of you pressing your call button for a nurse. “Dr. Y/L/N, you’re awake.” She gave you a warm smile that showed a sense of relief, her coffee-induced talkative sense taking over her in an instant. “I mean, of course I knew that. Dr. Wilson told me that you woke up just before he was paged down to the ER, but I wasn’t going to come in here unless you called me. How are you feeling? Are you in pain? Do you want me to page Dr. Parker for you? He’s on call right now, probably just crashing in an on call room. Or Dr. Romanoff, she’s not in but I can call her too if you need-”

“MJ.” You cut her off as you let out a weak chuckle, wincing slightly at the pain that followed. “The pain’s a little better now but I’m still feeling a little loopy so... I probably won’t be pumping any drugs into my body until the next scheduled dosage. You can start off by telling me what day it is and... can you please get me some water? My throat’s really dry.”

“Oh... sorry.” She was quick to grab your plastic cup and reach over to the sink, filling it up just before the brim before bringing it over to you.

You took the straw between your chapped lips and sipped rather slowly, feeling the water soothe its way down your throat.

“Why haven’t you turned the light on?” You heard the familiar voice of Wanda Maximoff echo through your room as you saw her silhouette by the doorframe. She reached over to turn on the light and you quickly shut your eyes, bringing your hand up to your eyes to shield them from the newfound brightness. “Go home, MJ. I’ve got it from here.”

The younger nurse took the cup away from your mouth once you let go of the straw. “Alright! Goodnight, Wanda. Wait, it’s morning but... ugh, fuck it!” She laughed softly before stomping out of the room.

You let out another chuckle as you winced, moving your hand away from your face now that your eyes were used to the light. You turned over to look at Wanda, who was holding your chart, probably writing down very detailed notes for Romanoff to see during morning rounds. “I must admit I missed you.” You told her as you gave her a weak smile.

“Oh sweetheart...” She set down your chart for a moment before reaching over your bed, gently wrapping her arms around you, still careful not to mess with the wires and tubes that were still attached to your body. Wanda Maximoff had always been a hugger and a good one at that. Even though you might come off as someone who did not enjoy such physical displays of affection, your touch-deprived self had been very appreciative of her hugs and she knew that. “I was just down the hall to check on your father. He’s doing alright, he’s stable, not in a lot of pain and he hasn’t really shown any signs of rejection. He’s... right on the road to recovery.”

You let out a sigh of relief as she pulled back from the hug. “That’s good.” You told her softly, though a part of you was glad that your risky sacrifice had not gone to waste. “Thanks, Wanda.”

Not even a good night’s sleep, three loads of laundry and an early morning workout at the gym had been enough to distract Bucky’s mind from the woman in the post-op ward. At first, he had felt a ping of guilt at the thought of not being there if you had woken up and asked for him. Even his assumption that you would ask for him when you woke up had made him realize how hopeless he was. But he could not help it. He had fallen in love with you, like from that John Green novel his youngest sister had once been obsessed with, slowly and then all at once.

He had managed to call Sam, who was on call that night, and pester him to check on you every now and then. But when a concerned yet slightly annoyed Dr. Wilson had threatened to block his number, while still checking on you nevertheless, Bucky had found himself crashing on his king-sized bed and having a little faith in the hospital staff as he had promised Wanda. No one would let any harm come to you, or so he thought, and he would see you when he returned to work after all.

Despite the fact that he hadn’t set an alarm, he found himself waking up before dawn as always. Perhaps it was the fact that his own body had been so used to such early morning wake up calls, but sleeping into the afternoon had always been a rarity for Bucky no matter how late he had fallen asleep.

Nevertheless, the moment he awoke from his slumber, his first instinct had been to check his phone for any messages from the hospital. He had threatened Dr. Peter Parker, the resident on your transplant team, to contact him in case anything had happened to you while he was not by your bedside. Seeing no messages from the young surgeon made him sigh in relief. But that did not stop Bucky from being worried. After all, his sister had just returned from Philadelphia and from what she had texted him last night, she had found some concerning information that she wanted to share with him.

If any of his friends had found out about what he had done, they would probably label his actions a result of his paranoia; Sam would have called it pure insanity. But Bucky would probably prefer the more rational term: suspicion. He had been feeling suspicious for a while now, ever since the day he had found you breaking down in the supply room on the cardiac floor.

“Y/L/N?” Dr. James Barnes’ eyebrows furrowed as he recognized the familiar female’s sobs that escaped from behind a shelf that held unopened packages of cardiac catheters.

Of course, this hadn’t been the first time he had found you like that. But he knew you well enough to know that you did not break down in tears that easily. He was aware that you had dealt with more than a fair share of struggles over the years, but that had made you tough. You were a strong woman, he noted. So, if something had made you cry, then it had to have been something very serious. It wasn’t that easy to break Y/N Y/L/N.

You sat on the cold tiled floor of the supply room, your back against a shelf as you pulled your knees up to your chest. You could not help the sobs that left your chest, your cheeks puffy, red and stained with tears as you looked up. “J-James?” You quickly wiped away your tears with the sleeve of the waffle-knit Henley you wore under your navy blue scrub shirt, springing to your feet before coming face to face with the dark haired surgeon.

“Are you alright, doll?” He asked, his lips curling into a frown as a look of concern blanketed over his features when he stepped over to you. His icy blue eyes were filled with a genuine worry that not even the strands of his greasy black hair could veil. “What’s wrong?”

You shook your head quickly before shrugging your shoulders, forcing yourself to smile a fake smile that you hoped would be convincing enough, though you may have been wrong about that. He had already heard you cry and no smile can make him believe otherwise. Besides, Bucky Barnes knew you well enough to know when even a smile of yours is genuine or when it was not. He was always the first to notice these things. “Nothing, I’m just... tired, that’s all. It’s been a long day.”

He furrowed his brows as he looked down at you, clearly not convinced by your facade. His eyes were soft but the tone of his voice rather stern. It was as though he was stuck between the roles of the senior doctor, the close friend and the man who had fallen in love with you, not knowing which role to play at a time like this. “Don’t lie to me, Y/N.”

Bucky had always been able to distinguish himself between his roles though. He had a way of separating his personal and professional lives in order to keep him sane. There was Bucky and then there was Dr. Barnes.

Dr. Barnes would always wear his navy blue scrubs, his hair hanging loose that he usually tucked under his scrub cap when he was at surgery. Bucky, when he’s not in his ‘operating mode’, usually tied his hair up into a small messy man bun. He wore skinny jeans and plaid shirts when he was out and when he was at home, he wore sweat pants and Henley’s. Even his closet had been arranged in a way to accommodate this.

He followed this rule almost religiously though, except for that one time when Dr. Barnes showed up to a board meeting with his hair tied up in a bun with a Hello Kitty hair tie because he let one of his pediatric patients tie it up for him. Dr. Rogers would go on to say that this had been the most human that he had ever seen his surgical robot of a friend; perhaps until the day his beloved mentee had announced that she was donating her liver to her estranged father.

But now the man had found himself a third role, the role of James, Y/N’s James. He did not know what that role entailed, whether he was the colleague or the friend, but he knew that this was the part of him that had fallen in love with her. This was the part of him that was longing to be a part of her life, if she would let him. This was the part of him that was the most human – the better version of him.

You shook your head as you tried to find a way out of his query, only to fail at your own attempts. “No, James... I’m-”

“You’ve been crying.” He had cut you off. “And don’t even try telling me that you weren’t. I heard you, doll.” He had caught you red-handed, after all. There was no way you could hide this from him, or anyone else for that matter.

“I...” You looked down at your feet, noticing that the laces had come undone in your blue tennis shoes. But you could care less about your shoes right now. You had bigger things to worry about, like the life of the man who had given you yours. And at that thought, you broke down once more, feeling your knees grow weak as you slid down against the shelf to sit back down on the floor. You pulled your knees up to your chest and buried your head between them, not holding back the sobs in the presence of this doctor.

“What’s wrong, Y/N?” Bucky frowned at the sight of you, feeling his heart break to see you in tears. He knelt down in front of you, his soft hands holding your wrists as your hands rested on top of your knees. “Hey... talk to me, doll. You can tell me anything.”

You had always been hesitant to talk about how you felt with others, except to Dr. Rhodes who happened to be the in-house psychiatrist for the hospital staff. One thing that you had learned the hard way from your previously failed friendships was that there was a fine line between sharing and over-sharing. You did not want to cross this line, for that line had ended many friendships for you. It was why you had been so cautious of how close you got with everyone at the hospital.

But keeping your distance from James was not an option for you either. He sounded genuinely concerned for you and his offer had only made you realize how desperately you needed a friend at that moment. Perhaps, using this opportunity to find some clarity about your situation would not be that bad. He was a surgeon, after all. He had dealt with dying patients and their crying loved ones. He would not turn away from you or turn you away at a time of need either. A qualified medical professional, he was. You could trust him as that.

You continued to cry as Bucky took a seat next to you on the floor, wrapping his arm around your shoulder and pulling you closer to him. How much of a loner had you been your whole life that even the slightest act of affection had brought you solace? How desperate must you have been for human contact, for you felt calm from the way his hand was rubbing your back in a rather soothing manner. Your touch-starved self could not help but allow yourself to lay your head gently against his shoulder, continuing to cry. “R-Romanoff... has a patient, who came in with... stage 4... cirrhosis.” You croaked out in-between sobs. “She was... telling me how... this patient was from... N-New Hope, Pennsylvania... because she knows that... it’s my hometown and... she was like... it’s a small town, just over two thousand people... and everyone knows... everyone so... Nat asked me if I... maybe knew this man and... she tells me his name... James, i-it’s... it’s my dad... h-he’s...” Before you could even finish your sentence, you felt another sob.

He bit down on his bottom lip as he continued to gently rub your back, trying to calm you down while pondering what you had just told him. “Oh Y/N...” He frowned. You rarely spoke about your parents or your childhood spent in a small town near Philadelphia. But from what he knew about your past, which only Steve had also known, he concluded that things must not have been great for you. Perhaps that was why he was starting to worry about this revelation. “How do you know it’s him, doll?” He asked. “Did you go and see him?”

You shook your head. “N-No... I-I couldn’t... I... checked his file. The information... his date of birth, the home address... it’s the same. It’s the house I grew up in.” You replied as you let out a sigh. “It’s him.”

“But... how did they-”

“I haven’t... spoken to my parents... since I left... NYU.” You hadn’t realized that you had cut him off as you spoke, still sobbing between your words. “I sent my mom... an invite... to my med school graduation... but she didn’t show. I just thought that I would never... see them again... you know? But now they’re here... in this hospital and... I don’t know, James. I feel awful... for not being there for them.” A successful cardiothoracic surgeon at one of the best hospitals in all of New York, but you had no idea that your own father had been ill. You may have had your reasons to leave home when you did but you were doing much better now. Why couldn’t you get yourself to go back home and at least try to make amends with your parents? Perhaps if you had done that sooner, you would have known about your father’s disease a lot sooner and you could have actually gotten him the treatment he needed before things had gotten out of control. “He’s going on the transplant list... I just can’t believe... I missed so much shit in my parents’ life.”

“Y/N, come on, you can’t beat yourself up for that.” Bucky told you as he let out a sigh. “You had a reason to leave home and cut ties with your parents. Besides, if you did reach out to your mother and she didn’t respond, then you losing touch with them is not your fault, doll.”

“But... I was supposed to be better, James.”

He could not say anything when you had said that. He bit down on his bottom lip once more, his hand still wrapped around your shoulder as he held you close to him. Your heads barely touched as he moved his hair away from his face, cautious that a few strands might land on your forehead as he let you lean against him. “How did they... how did they get all the way to Brooklyn from your small town?” He asked, curiously. Bucky was sure that there were many competent hospitals in Philadelphia. Yet the fact that your father had been admitted at the hospital where you worked seemed to be far from a coincidence to him.

He had found out about your history with parental abuse a few years ago, when you had approached him and Steve regarding your suspicion that one of your pediatric patients was being abused. Bucky had been there to support you when you had contacted Child Protective Services and through the whole process that followed. He had helped you and your patient with the formalities before you had come clean to him about your own abuse.

The revelation had caused Bucky to shut down for a few days and he had once again become consumed with guilt for having grown up with so much privilege. Despite the fact that both of his parents worked long hours, they had done their best at being parents. They weren’t perfect, but they had loved all four of their children dearly and made sure they knew how much they were loved. He could not even imagine how any parent could intentionally hurt their child or how anyone could endure such a thing during their childhood and still turn out to be the strongest, kindest, most genuine soul to walk the earth.

No wonder your walls were so hard to tear down. But he could not help but wish that he could eventually do just that. He was falling even further for you. He wanted to shower you with love because that was what you deserved, even though a part of him knew that you might never let him. After all, you still did not think that you deserved to be loved.

“Apparently, he’s seen multiple doctors in Philly before coming here. Natasha said that his previous doctor had read about her study and referred them to her.” You replied with a shrug. “No, they don’t. I had told my mom that I had been matched to do my residency at New York Presbyterian but I did not tell them that I moved to Brooklyn.”

And that was the start of Bucky’s suspicion. He could not help but wonder whether your folks had known about you working here before they showed up. He had no reason to trust them, after all. While they were your parents, it was clear that they hadn’t done the best job at that. While you would not bother to share anything regarding your past, he could not help but continue to be suspicious regarding your parents’ intentions behind them coming to Brooklyn.

Of course, he could not control your actions. He had to sit back and watch as you eventually decided to approach them and offered to get tested to see if you liver would match your father’s. But that still left Bucky with so many unanswered questions, unanswered questions that you could answer for him but he knew that you would not.

He wanted to protect you, in case things did get to that point where you needed to be protected. In order to do that, he needed to know what he would be protecting you from. The only way to do that had been through looking into you and your parents through a private investigator. And that was exactly what he had done when he picked up the phone called his sister last week, asking her to find out your history with your parents in case they intended to hurt you again.

When Rebecca Barnes had first received a phone call from her big brother, she was certainly surprised. Sure, the two of them still had a very close relationship. But it was rare for Bucky to ask her for a favour, let alone a favour that had to do with a certain female colleague of his.

Bucky had not directly told anyone about his feelings for you, even though almost everyone at the hospital seemed to have figured it out. Perhaps he hadn’t been the best at hiding his true intentions with you. But he had told Becca right away that he was in love with you and that was why he needed her help.

The woman was shocked at her brother’s confession to say the least. But she was also happy that he had finally found himself a woman he actually had feelings for. After all, she knew that his love life had been pretty much non-existent since he was in college. He had been quite the Casanova while he was at NYU, but as he grew older, Bucky had grown and been molded into a proper workaholic who barely had time to date. Even when Becca had tried to set him up with her friends, the over-working surgeon had managed to ditch his dates in the name of surgical emergencies. Some of those times were actually legitimate while others were just excuses.

Nevertheless, Becca had gone out of her way to find out whatever Bucky felt that he needed to know. It had only taken her less than a week to map out the woman’s entire life but from what she had found out about this Y/N Y/L/N, she could not help but feel truly sorry. “You might want to sit down for this, Buck.” She told her brother as she set down her briefcase on the coffee table, opening it to retrieve several foolscap files. “It’s going to be a wild ride from start to finish.”

Bucky let out a sigh as he sat down on his couch, fresh out of his post-work out shower and in the midst of towel-drying his mane. “How bad is it, Becca?” He asked her as he bit down on his bottom lip rather nervously. He feared what he was about to find out but he did not regret that he had taken this step.

“I had to work backwards, since I started my investigation by meeting with the Chief of Surgery at New York Presbyterian Hospital and then the Dean at NYU Med. Although I ended my investigation in New Hope, I think we should start there... at the very beginning.” She suggested, completely ignoring his question. Becca could care less about how nervous she was making him feel. After all, it was his idea to have her conduct an investigation that could potentially be illegal. It was certainly a violation of your privacy if anything. “Y/N Y/L/N was born in New Hope, Pennsylvania... it’s a really small town, like the ones you would see on a TV show where everyone just knows everyone. I was able to get a copy of the hospital records that show her mother being admitted while she was in labor. Sorry, I couldn’t get a copy of her birth certificate. That’s... kind of illegal.”

“You have got to be kidding me.” He huffed as he rolled his eyes. “Why would you even bother with that in the first place? I asked you to look into her parents.”

“You told me to be thorough with my investigation, Buck.” She scoffed as she set the hospital records in front of him. “Anyways, I also have school records and what not. But you might feel like those are irrelevant so...” She picked up another folder. “Her father owned a restaurant around the time she was born. It was apparently going really well for a few years, thanks to the town’s booming tourism industry. But the townspeople say that Mr. Y/L/N had an altercation with his chef and ended up firing him. Everything went downhill after that. He eventually went on to file bankruptcy... I got the court documents right here.”

Bucky picked up the documents and skimmed through them, only to notice that you would have been around seven years old when your father had filed for bankruptcy. “Shit...” He let out a sigh as he looked up at Becca. “That wasn’t even the worst part, was it?”

Rebecca shook her head as she let out a sigh. “The family lost pretty much everything after that. Her mom had managed to find herself a job as a maid in a motel but her dad was unemployed. I think the stress of losing his business really took a toll on him. The people I spoke to... they said that’s when he started drinking excessively.” She paused for a moment, allowing Bucky to connect the dots between the past and the present. “I even spoke to the guy who owns the local bar. Apparently, the man showed up every day before noon and left late at night.”

“And they just kept serving him alcohol for hours on end?” He scoffed, rolling his eyes and shaking his head. A part of him was pissed at how one thing had led to another and now you were the one paying the price for it.

“Small towns businesses only give a shit about making profit, Bucky.” She told him with a shrug. “But one thing was clear. No one really likes the Y/L/N’s. They’re pretty much known to be rude and... blamed the entire town for how they lost their business.”

“That doesn’t surprise me.” He admitted, shrugging. “They couldn’t care any less about their own daughter, for crying out loud.”

“Well, it wasn’t until their sixteen year old daughter went missing for an entire night did the town realize just how fucked up they were.”

Bucky’s eyes grew wide when his sister had said that. “What?!”

Becca bit down on her bottom lip as she pulled out another file, this one being quite thicker than the last ones. “I have a copy of the police report that was filed the next morning. It says that the Y/L/N’s sixteen year old daughter had gone missing. Mom said that she came home from school and hopped in the shower. The water was running for a few hours before she realized that her daughter wasn’t in there... and her bedroom window was open. She had jumped out the window in the middle of a snowstorm.”

“In the middle of a snowstorm?!” He exclaimed, his eyes growing wide at the realization of what that meant. He remembered the words you had said to him that that night when the two of you were leaving the shelter. I know how it feels to be out here in the cold… no food, no warm clothes, nowhere to go. The uncertainty of whether you would get through the night and into the next morning, it’s… the worst feeling in the world and… I just wouldn’t wish that upon anyone. Bucky leaned back in his seat as he rubbed his eyes, not knowing how to process what he had just heard. If he had trouble even doing that, he wondered how you had managed to live through it all. A part of him felt a newfound sense of respect for you, while another part of him suffered vicariously as he heard what had happened to you. “She ran away from them.”

She gave him a nod. “She tried to run away from home but it was a rather spontaneous attempt. She didn’t have any proper clothes or money, no escape plan whatsoever. She had sneaked into her school to keep herself warm and her science teacher... who happened to be there to set up for the school dance the next day had found her crying in the girls’ bathroom. Y/N spent the night at the teacher’s house before Child Protective Services had been called... and she was taken out of her home.”

Bucky was silent, not knowing what to say. All he could remember was that night when he had seen you at the shelter and then the day you had told him about being abused by your parents. He hadn’t realized the extent of it all until now. He felt sick to his stomach just at the thought of how vile it all seemed. And the fact that you had come forward to donate a piece of your liver to the man who had ruined his own life as much as he did yours, he could not help but shed a few tears. “Fuck... she never told me... or any of us... about any of this.” He said as he sighed, still leaning back in his seat as he cried. “She may have mentioned bits and pieces of her past over the years but...”

“Because this is not something you tell everyone you meet, Buck.”

“You know, I’ve always wondered why she was so... closed off. When she first came to the hospital, she was this really determined... feisty... kick ass surgeon. All she ever cared about was work. She would study her ass off and when Steve or Nat would invite her over for drinks, she would turn them down. For someone who’s been through so much shit, Y/N was extremely focused with everything she did... excelled in surgery, had really good judgement... knew when to ask for help. Who would have known how much pain was behind all of that? Even I didn’t know how bad it had been for her.”

“You are right about that.” Becca sighed as she reached over to put her hand on her brother’s shoulder. “Y/N was a very... focused and determined sixteen year old who had clear judgement, knew that she was being abused and knew when to remove herself from that. She knew when to seek help. After she was taken out of her home, she spent the next two years in the system. She didn’t move around a lot though. She was apparently very well behaved. She lived with a foster family in Philly until she was eighteen. She was not... looking for trouble, per say. Her foster mom said that she was a really good kid... traumatized but also... determined. She never skipped school, never missed her weekly therapy sessions, never went out with friends, always home and doing homework, stayed on top of her chores. She was a straight A student, it was even a surprise to her teachers... how much she was thriving once she left her parents. And then she was accepted to NYU for pre-med.”

Bucky’s lips curled into a small smile at the thought of how much you had thrived after leaving your hometown.

“She was in the system so she was eligible for funding but she also got a lot of scholarships because she had really good grades. She still worked three jobs while in school... an on campus job as an office assistant, a retail job... and a waitress at a diner in Lower Manhattan. She was on top of her class at NYU, valedictorian. She aced her MCATs, got into NYU Med and... she kept thriving. The Dean himself had written her a reference when she matched with the residency program at New York Presbyterian. The Chief of Surgery calls her a machine... always getting the job done, taking no shit from any of her competition. She was Chief Resident, top of her class again... chose heart surgery as her specialty. The Chief had been the one who recommended her to Steve. She just... she was an unstoppable force.” His sister told him. “She’s... a really amazing person, Buck.”

“I know.” He agreed. “She really... turned her life around after leaving her parents.”

“Speaking of her parents, I found something about them that you might find very... suspicious.” She told him as she handed him another file. “Her mom lost her job at the hotel a few months ago and they don’t have insurance. Seeing multiple doctors in Philly, being treated for liver disease... you know the numbers, Buck. They still have outstanding medical bills in Philly. I don’t think they could afford Brooklyn Hospital or a high profile surgeon like Natasha Romanoff. I don’t think Nat’s all about doing pro-bono either. I wonder how they’re going to pay for all of this because... I’m pretty sure a liver transplant is expensive as fuck.”

Bucky’ eyes grew wide as he looked down at the stack of outstanding hospital bills that Becca had just handed him. “Holy shit... they totally knew what they were doing, didn’t they? I fucking knew it wasn’t a coincidence! I fucking knew it!” While a part him was relieved that his suspicions had been right, he was still horrified by what he and his sister had just figured out. “They tracked her down...”

Wanda Maximoff had always been quite observant. She had a knack for noticing the smallest things, whether it was a slight change in her patients that needed to be noted down on their charts or the slight change of attitude in her friend Bucky’s attitude towards you that could only mean only one thing. But she had always noticed things.

Perhaps it was the way a sleep deprived Dr. Wilson had tried to flirt with Sharon Carter at the nurse’s desk that had distracted her. But Wanda had found herself in the midst of laughter when your mother had exited your father’s hospital room and made her way towards yours. She had been distracted from keeping a close eye on your room that she had failed to notice your mother enter your room, while you were alone and in pain. But most importantly, you had been wide awake.

Thankfully, Wanda had noticed your mother leaving your room swiftly and she had sprung to her feet. “Sam.” She had quickly alerted the doctor, who had also noticed your mother. Neither of them had any idea how long she had been in your room, not that it mattered really. But the moment she heard you shriek in pain and call out to her, Wanda knew that something was wrong.

Sam had sprinted down the hallway to your room as he heard you cry. “Y/N!”

“Sam...” You yelped in pain, in the midst of the never-ending tears, as you looked down at your side to see the crimson shade of your blood spreading across the hospital gown. “I jerked... and the steri strips... came off... the wound opened up, I can’t...” The pain medications had worn off completely, making you feel every bit of pain that you could have felt. “Fuck!”

This bond doth give thee here no jot of blood; the words expressly are 'a pound of flesh.

#bucky barnes x reader #doctor!bucky #better #aj writes #buck barnes au #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes fanfic #tw abuse #tw alchoholism #tw surgery #tw needles #tw pain #tw blood

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mymarvelbunch · 4 years

Text

Different Roads... Same Destination: Part One

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader (established)

Summary: When the Avengers went back in time to get the Infinity Stones, new timelines were created. By not delivering them back to their exact same spots, you and Steve created major changes in those timelines. What happened? (Non-American!Reader)

This is a sequel to “Be Your Own Hero”. I highly recommend you read it first, since it features many major changes in canon that are addressed here.

Notes: Y/N = your (first) name; Y/Co = your home country; Y/Ci = your home city; Y/N/L = your native language (to be ignored in case you speak English).

Masterlist

Part One

New York, 2012

The Avengers were still trying to understand what happened when a loud ‘thud’ was heard. Tony turned to see the Scepter lying on the ground.

“Well, here is the thing Loki used to brainwash people”, he said. “But where is the Tesseract?”

“This isn’t the Mind Stone”, Loki said. “They placed the Tesseract in the Scepter.”

Everyone turned to him. He had already been right minutes prior, when he pointed out there were four Avengers from the future. Now the team was more inclined to believe him again, especially Thor.

“How do you know this, brother?”, he asked, frowning.

“The glow is different, for starters. And... I don’t know how to say this accurately, but I feel different when the Mind Stone is near me. Ever since those warriors came from the future and took it, I felt... lightweight, even if for brief moments. As if...”

Thor’s eyes widened. “As if the Mind Stone has some sort of power over you.” Loki nodded weakly. “Well, this is important information. Mother will certainly know to fix this. Stark, hand me the Scepter. It will be safer in Asgard.”

A SHIELD agent opened his mouth to protest, but there was little they could do as Tony gave Thor the Scepter. The Asgardian walked to the open balcony, his brother in his arm, and left, though not without asking his ‘brothers-in-arms’ to find the Mind Stone first.

“We’ll do surveillance around the Tower”, Runlow said, “with your permission, Mr. Stark.”

“Yeah, yeah, sure. I don’t want that thing near any of us.”

“Wait”, Tony said. “Loki was under mind control back then?”

You turned behind to face him, but a quick glance told you almost everyone was surprised. “You didn’t know? He told me back in 2014.”

Loki wasn’t there to defend himself, busy as he was being king, but Thor was. “Honestly, I didn’t know either, not until Asgard was destroyed. Loki told me on our way here that Mother chose to perform her purification spells out of everyone’s eye because... It would be better (or less worse) to have people believe Loki had turned evil than to have them know about Thanos. But yes, he was under Thanos’ influence through the Mind Stone. It wasn’t exactly like what he did to Barton and others, but close enough.”

That made an awful lot of sense. No one had a good answer for that, and they turned back to the ‘screen’.

It took five years for the Mind Stone to be found. In the meantime, SHIELD was dismantled, the Winter Soldier was revealed to be a brainwashed Bucky Barnes and HYDRA was taken down piece by piece.

There was no Scarlet Witch, no Quicksilver, no Ultron, no Sokkovia Accords, no Zemo. Steve found Bucky in Bucarest in 2016 and, after weeks of talking and with Sam’s help, took him to New York. There, they faced another battle, as many people wanted him in jail for the crimes he committed as the Winter Soldier.

Surprisingly, their help came from Tony. “I know what he did to my parents, yeah. I read all those files Romanov leaked. But we all saw what brainwashing does to a person, huh?”

No, Tony and Bucky didn’t become friends. Despite his forgiveness, Tony was still wary of him; poor man had his own mental health issues to face already. But he was willing to pay the best lawyers to convince the public that Barnes had no control over himself for the past seven decades, and that the Winter Soldier was nothing but a weapon in HYDRA’s hands. It took time and money, but it was worth it, for Bucky was absolved and reclaimed his status as war hero.

Even so, he didn’t want to stay in US. “Too many memories”, he explained, and Steve understood. It all got worse when one of Tony’s employees found a glowing Stone in the elevator shaft. Thor wasn’t on Earth when it happened, so the Mind Stone stayed at the Tower for a while. Needless to say, Steve was worried, and Bucky was terrified.

“I found a place that might be good for you”, Maria Hill told him one day. “Y/Ci, in Y/Co. It’s a place untouched by HYDRA and with no evidence that the Winter Soldier ever stepped foot in there. No memories, no triggers.”

Bucky accepted the offer almost immediately, and Steve was happy to follow him. “I’ve had enough fights for a lifetime”, he said. “We should have retired from soldier duty decades ago, Bucky. We both deserve a normal life.”

It was early 2018 when they finally settled, and, upon Steve’s insistence, Bucky started looking for mental health care facilities.

Your grip on Steve’s hand tightened when you recognized the mental health facility Bucky got inside. “I was an intern there at college”, you said. Steve’s eyes widened, and he grinned.

“Maybe Bucky will be the one to get you instead of me”, he teased.

Behind you, whispers could be heard.

“It’s weird to not see myself with you guys”, Wanda said. “I wish I could know if Pietro is alive.” Vision rested his hand on her shoulder, likely reflecting on how would his life be if he had stayed as a disembodied voice.

“Wakanda wasn’t even mentioned”, Shuri said. “I guess with father still alive, the borders remained closed.”

“Probably the reason why Bucky moved to Y/Co instead of Wakanda”, Sam added. “If people still think Wakanda is a poor country, no one would think of it as a mental health care reference.”

“I’m not mentioned either”, Scott said, “which is kind of weird, because I don’t see why I wouldn’t meet at least Sam.”

“Yeah, but there was no fight in Germany for you to take part of”, Hope replied. “They probably never contacted you again. Parker isn’t mentioned either.”

Someone shushed them.

Even though he had scheduled it all by himself, Bucky didn’t want to go his first appointment alone. So, when Y/N called for Sebastian Stan (his new alias), he and Steve (who called himself Chris Evans) stood up together from their seats.

Inside, Bucky soon confessed his true identity. Your surprise was visible for five seconds, and then you smiled. “I’m glad you trusted me with such a delicate information, Mr. Barnes. But I wish you’d tell me your story with your own words, not just what was said about you on newspapers.”

Steve stayed inside the whole time, having also revealed who he was. Bucky didn’t tell his whole story at once, give there was a time limit for his appointment, but you asked him to come back in a week. “We can’t give you any concrete diagnosis for now, Mr. Barnes, though we have a few suspicions. But I assure you we’ll help you in every step of your recovery. You won’t be alone.”

After three more sessions, he was diagnosed primarily with PTSD, along with general anxiety disorder and memory problems (he had yet to remember key details of his past).

You were supposed to leave the facility at the end of the month, but your mentor offered you a prolonged stay. “You mentioned your next internship would be in surgery, and you don’t like it, right? I can pull some strings to keep you here. It’s not like you’ll need those skills to become a psychiatrist.”

You happily accepted his help. You’ve always been sure of what you wanted to do after finishing college; skipping surgery internship was honestly a dream come true, and you were eager to follow Barnes’ case. Your classmates didn’t know his true identity, but the case discussions made it clear you got one of the most complex cases at the facility, and some classmates envied you.

Your teacher was successful, and for the following three months you stayed, taking care not only of Barnes, but of other patients as well. It was a wonderful experience, and you were sure you had fallen into the staff’s good graces, which increased your chances at getting into residency program there after graduation.

As the weeks went by, though, you noticed something rather odd. Barnes had been getting inside the room alone since his fifth appointment, but Rogers still accompanied him, waiting for him outside. Eventually, you asked your patient why that was, assuming he’d say he still didn’t feel safe coming alone. Instead, he grinned.

“Oh, he pretends he comes for my sake, but he actually just wants to get a glimpse of you.”

You nearly choked on your own saliva.

At your side, Steve laughed and hugged you tight.

“Guess I didn’t steal Y/N from you after all, punk”, Bucky said, grinning just like his alternate counterpart.

“Thank God”, you replied. “No offence, Bucky, but seeing us dating would have been way too awkward.”

“Couldn’t agree more.”

---x---

It wasn’t easy for Steve to convince you to go on a date with him. You were hesitant, given he was her patient’s best friend and roommate, but eventually you conceded.

“We won’t talk about Barnes at all”, you said firmly. “And if I sense this will affect my relationship with my patient, it’ll be over.”

“Yes, ma’am”, he replied instantly, willing to do anything to see you more.

You had charmed him from day one, and his interest on you only grew as weeks went by. When the day of your date arrived, he was a nervous wreck.

“Haven’t seen you like this since Peggy”, Bucky mentioned.

“Shut up, jerk”, he retorted. “And go hide, I don’t want Y/N to see you and cancel our date.”

“She’s got you wrapped around her finger and you haven’t even kissed yet”, he teased, but left to his room anyway.

A date led to another, and another, and another... Steve waited for you to leave the facility and stop seeing Bucky to ask you to be his girlfriend, and she promptly agreed.

A year later, when you met the Avengers for the first time, Thor told the story of how he, Loki and others fought Thanos when he invaded Asgard to take the Space and Mind Stones. Your eyes widened as he gleefully detailed the purple alien’s demise.

“Glad you defeated him still in Asgard”, Tony said. “We just found out about another of these Stones here on Earth. A wizard here in New York is its guardian.”

“Really? Give me his address, I figure we have much to discuss.”

You didn’t really understand all those talks, but Steve’s visible relief was enough information for you.

On the current timeline, that same relief was visible among everyone. “A peaceful timeline”, you commented. “I hope there are more of these.”

After Strange showed what happened to the Avengers who were not featured, Wong took his place to show another timeline. You straightened your back as the ‘screen’ showed you briefly kissing Steve in Morag.

Did you like it? I was looking forward to write about the consequences of those changes. Butterfly effect is strong here.

For those who don’t remember, in ‘Be Your Own Hero’ Loki tells the Reader he was under the influence of the Mind Stone in the events of the first Avengers movie. This is a popular theory that explains some differences between his behavior in that movie and his behavior on... well, any other movie he’s in.

In this, I try to touch on how things would be different if this information was made known right away, instead of being kept a secret. Being seen as a victim instead of a villain changes a lot for Loki’s story, and therefore Thor’s arc as well (The Dark World and Ragnarok’s. It also helps Tony understand Bucky’s story and actions better, since he saw the effects of mind control on Clint and Loki.

Scarlet Witch, Quicksilver, Ultron and Vision are all products of the Mind Stone, meaning that, in its absence, they don’t exist. The events of Age of Ultron are what make Civil War happen, meaning one doesn’t exist without the other. With no Civil War, nobody reaches out to Scott, T’Challa doesn’t become king to open the borders, and Peter Parker’s role in Tony’s life is probably less significant (though I do believe he mentors the teenager anyway).

If you want to follow my crazy ideas on time travel and its consequences, taglist is open!

#steve rogers x reader #Steve Rogers #steve rogers fanfiction #steve rogers imagine #steve rogers x you #steve rogers x y/n #marvel imagine #The Avengers

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jbbarnesnnoble · 4 years

Text

Where the Moonlight Shines (Part Four)

Summary: You’re a junior deputy in Hope County, Montana when things go to hell in a handbasket with the local cult. It’s months before help arrives in the form of the Avengers, taking you down a road you never expected.

Chapter Summary: In the aftermath of the battle, you learn what comes next for you and your friends and what happened to Faith.

Features: Mentions of canon typical violence, torture, and brainwashing

Pairing: Platonic!Natasha/Reader; Platonic!Wanda/Reader; eventual Platonic!Bucky/Reader

Series Warnings: Canon typical violence; depictions/mentions of torture; depictions/mentions of brainwashing; will add more as they become relevant

Notes: As always, listen to the warnings. I have two outtakes planned at the moment, including one that is an offshoot from this chapter

This is a crossover between Far Cry 5 and the MCU

Word Count: 2256

The sky was streaked with pink and orange as the sun began to rise above the horizon. You sat in a rocking chair on the front porch of the Rye home, baby Carmina sleeping in your arms. Kim was getting some much needed rest and Nick was still helping with the emergency response in the form of getting people set up in the abandoned houses that now dotted the county, starting in Holland Valley. Your rag-tag team was helping in any way they could. Mary May and Jerome were putting together a list of names of people who were unaccounted for. Grace had taken Boomer with her when she went to help see if there were any holdouts from the cult hiding out in bunkers.

You, Staci, and Joey were the only ones who were being forced to sit on the sidelines. You did your best to soothe him. You wished your powers could heal the mind, if only to help him. He had been your first love, when you were younger and held so much optimism. You heard Natasha before she sat down beside you, a cup of coffee in hand. Wanda had arrived with Bucky not long after Natasha had brought you back to the Rye’s. You had had a difficult night sleeping, plagued by nightmares and the fear that victory was only a dream.

“How do you feel about New York?” Natasha asked, before taking a sip of her cup of coffee. You glanced at her.

“I’ve been a few times,” you said.

“How would you feel about living there, at least temporarily?” she asked. You frowned. You took one of Carmina’s tiny hands in yours, smiling as the sleeping infant grasped one of your fingers. You needed the distraction. You had a feeling you knew where Natasha was going with her line of questioning.

“This is my home,” you told her. The other woman let out a sigh, remaining silent for a moment as she thought about her next words.

“You’re enhanced. The therapy you’re going to be going through...it's intense,” she told you. You looked at her, your expression neutral.

“You think I’ll hurt someone,” you said.

“We can’t rule out the possibility. If you were a normal civilian, we wouldn’t be having this conversation. Most of those affected by Jacob’s brainwashing will be treated here in Montana. You’re the only one we know of who is enhanced,” she said.

“This is my home. They need me,” you said, before standing up to head inside as Carmina began to fuss.

As you moved about your day, you found yourself lost in thought. Joey and Staci were heading to Missoula in the afternoon. It was amazing how quickly Stark’s money could get something set up. You supposed the Avengers had a plan for these kinds of things after Sokovia. You remembered hearing about the response team on the news, in what felt like a lifetime ago. You didn’t want to leave your home. You knew Staci would be taken care of, but you worried. You worried about Hudson, about Staci, about everyone. No part of the county had been untouched by the madness.

You had moved to Hope County to stay off the Avengers radar, only to end up on it anyway. Avengers had been in and out of the Rye home, which had become a base of operations for them and for the Resistance. You had spent part of your day writing down locations where you knew bodies were buried, because you had buried them. Your Aunt Rae-Rae. Your cousin Ryan. Eli. A list of the dead on your side, the ones you knew of. You wrote down what had happened to the group that had come through looking for a man’s sister.

Staci stood, a shell of himself, with Joey’s arm around him. They were by the car the would be taking them to Missoula.

“Stay safe Rook. Stay in touch,” Joey said. You nodded.

“You have my number. My e-mail. I’ll get you my address too,” you said softly.

“I’m going to go check in with Captain Rogers. Agent Barton is driving us up with that Spiderkid,” she said. You nodded, pulling her into a hug. You knew what she was doing. You watched as she walked toward where the Captain stood before you turned your attention to Staci. He had wrapped his arms around himself.

“It’s going to be okay, Pratt. I promise,” you whispered as you pulled him into a hug.

“You don’t know that,” he said.

“It’s over. We won. We’re safe. Jacob can’t hurt us anymore. These people are here to help us. The world’s top specialists are here to help us, Staci. The Seeds will never hurt us again, I promise you,” you said. You felt his shoulders shake as he let out a sob that rocked his too thin frame. You held him tight, a few tears of your own falling. You were trying to stay strong. For Staci. For Joey. For everyone around you. You were their leader.

Goodbyes were hard. Part of you was afraid you wouldn’t see either of your friends again. Security had been hard to come by in the months since the Seeds had taken over. Security in food. Security in knowing things would be okay. As the car disappeared from view, you went for a walk on the property. You had a tree you liked to sit under. It had enough cover around it that you wouldn’t be seen by any Peggie patrols in the area, something that you didn’t have to worry about anymore.

You found yourself thinking of Burke. The damned fool who had set into motion the series of events that led to this all. Part of you wondered if Cameron Burke had never set foot in Hope County things wouldn’t have gone south the way they had. You knew in your heart that it would have happened, with or without him. The cult had become more brazen in the days leading up to the attempted arrest. Three bodies had turned up in the span of a week and getting a warrant for the Seed properties had been a struggle with how many connections John Seed had made in the county. They had been taunting the Sheriff’s Department.

You stood up sometime later, brushing the dirt from your pants. You needed to walk. You needed a distraction from the thoughts that raced around in your head. You knew someone had been watching you from a distance. Someone was always watching you. You understood why. But that didn’t mean you liked it.

While you needed to escape your thoughts, you needed to talk too. You needed someone to reassure you. Someone to tell you that you’d be okay, that no matter what happened next, you’d be able to return home in the end. You spotted Wanda Maximoff not far from you, keeping a polite distance while keeping you in her line of vision.

“Wanda?” you called. She looked at you, and you took a breath before continuing as she moved toward you. You felt at ease with her. From the moment you’d met before everything came to a head, you’d felt safe with her.

“Wanda...will I be...will I be allowed to leave? After I’m fixed...if I’m ever fixed?” you asked. She looked surprised at your question. You hadn’t brought up the topic of your conversation with Natasha with anyone. You knew when you’d be leaving, but that was the extent.

“You aren’t a prisoner,” she said. You looked at her with a look she couldn’t decipher. Your thoughts were a jumbled mess, like a puzzle that was difficult to put together.

“I sure feel like one with a babysitter every time I want to take a moment to myself,” you said. She sighed.

“It’s for your safety and that of others. We’ve tracked down each person who...who completed the trials and survived the fight. They’ve been secured. We’re going to get them help, get you help. We have experience with this,” she said.

“Why aren’t they coming too? Why am I the only one going to New York?” you asked.

“I thought you and Natasha talked about this,” she said, confusion evident in her expression. You nodded.

“We did. I understand why I’m going to New York. I don’t understand why I’m the only one,” you said.

“You’ve got powers. You pose far more danger to civilian doctors than the others. It won’t be just civilian doctors, but it’s safer for you to be treated under the supervision of the Avengers. We have the facilities to handle anything that happens during your recovery. These people, their lives are here. Families are here. Some are from out of state, yes, but it will be easier in the long term to have them in one location to monitor progress. You’re an exception,” she said. You sighed. As much as you wanted to argue, you knew people far more qualified than you were making the decisions. You had another pressing question, one you weren’t sure you wanted the answer to.

“I have another question. Did Faith survive?” you asked. She looked surprised at the question.

“I’m sorry,” she said. You nodded. Rachel Jessop had been one of your best friends in the county before she got caught up with the cult. You wanted to cry, but your tears had long since dried. You had all been pawns in Joseph’s twisted game.

“We were friends...when we were kids I mean. Before all this. I tried to convince her to leave once, in person. Jacob had brought me with him to a meeting. I had only just finished the trials. I was told to help Faith with something and I tried to talk her into leaving, into taking me with her. She slapped me and told me I should stop thinking like that, and that eventually I’d see that Joseph was right. She didn’t tell Jacob. A small act of mercy. I’d tried it when she had me in Bliss a couple times, but she was always able to redirect me then,” you said.

“You would have been punished?” she asked. You let out a small laugh. It held not emotion, only the resignation that came with the reality you had faced.

“I’d be lucky if I survived. You don’t...you didn’t leave the Project alive. The times I was back with the Resistance...it was because Jacob allowed it. It was a cat and mouse game. He’d catch me, chip away more at conditioning me, and let me go back until he called me back again,” you said.

The two of you continued to walk in silence after that. You felt more at ease around her. You knew of her powers, she had been upfront about it when she introduced herself to you. You wondered how she was coping with this all. It couldn’t have been easy for her to be around all of the suffering, around the pain caused by the Seed family. But you didn’t feel like it was your place to ask her about it. As the sun started sinking below the horizon, you felt at peace for the first time since everything started.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The journey to the Avengers compound the next morning was quiet. You had been in contact with family, letting them know you were alive. You weren’t okay. You were far from it. You found yourself humming as you went through messages and emails on your phone. It was a new one Stark had given you. You pulled up a news article about what had happened in Hope County.

‘What Happened in Hope County? More Questions than Answers as Press Conference Planned’

‘Who Were the Resistance? A Look at Hope County’s Heroes’

‘Terror in Montana: Religious Terrorism in the US’

‘Who is Rook?’

‘Stark Declines Comment on Hope County’

‘Feds REFUSED to Help Hope County’

‘President Set to Hold Conference Call with Survivors Amid Controversy Over Decision to Postpone Visit to the Region’

��You shouldn’t read that,” Natasha said from beside you as she glanced at your screen. Someone had spoken about you to the media. Said you were Jacob’s trained attack dog, a cold-blooded killer, that you should be locked up instead of with the Avengers. Your shoulders slumped.

“They aren’t wrong. The things I did,” you said.

“It wasn’t you. The only people to blame are the Seeds,” she said. You shook your head.

“I could have fought harder. I could have done more,” you said.

“Even the strongest can fall victim to people like that. What matters is they’re gone. We’re going to help you. I can’t promise you’ll go back to how things were, but I can promise you that you’ll have support,” she said. Natasha glanced at Bucky as she spoke. You couldn’t imagine what it was like for him once they’d learned what Jacob had been doing. You knew enough about his background to know that he’d been brainwashed and controlled by Hydra.

When the jet landed, you were escorted to medical. There, you met Dr. Cho, along with Princess Shuri of Wakanda. Shuri, you were told, was responsible for the recovery of Sergeant Barnes. It appeared she was the only person the Avengers trusted to help you recover, given the circumstances.

“It won’t be easy, but you will recover, I promise you,” Shuri said to you. You nodded. There was only one path you could take, and it was forward.

#wanda maximoff #bucky barnes #natasha romanoff #natasha romanov #far cry 5 fanfiction #marvel fanfiction #far cry 5 reader insert #marvel reader insert #marvel fanfic #far cry 5 fanfic #fc5 fanfiction #fc5 fanfic #fc5 reader insert #platonic!wanda/reader #platonic!nat/reader #natasha romanoff fanfic #wanda maximoff fanfiction

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fan-fantasies · 5 years

Text

Truth Hurts (P.11)

A/N: I know I have a few more requests to get through but I want to wrap this series up relatively soon. I think that there will be one more part after this one, maybe two. We’ll see how it goes as I’m writing. As always, I hope you enjoy! -Heather

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Warnings: Swearing

Masterlist Marvel Masterlist

Part Ten // Part Twelve

“I wanted you guys to be the first to hear this...”

Bucky’s heart dropped into his stomach when the words left Ryan’s mouth. He was preparing for the worst possible outcome.

The thought of never seeing you again was making his head spin; never seeing your messy bedhead in the kitchen every morning, not hearing your laugh when Sam tells a stupid joke, never feeling your soft skin against his again, whether it be in training or when your hands brush when reaching for your favorite ice cream in the freezer. Bucky would have to live a life without you and he was certain that that would break him.

“Is she okay? Please tell me she’s okay,” Sam pleaded. Ryan looked around the room and sighed.

“She’s okay. She’s banged up and will need a lot of time to heal but we’re expecting a full recovery,” he said. Everyone let out a sigh of relief and the tension in the room eased. Bucky felt like the weight of the world had been lifted from his shoulders, but in the back of his mind, he knew that he had his own journey ahead of him to make you trust him again.

“When can she have visitors?” Steve asked.

“I’d say let her rest for today and then tomorrow one or two of you can visit. Just ease her back into things,” Ryan told them. Everyone nodded and thanked him and the odd look he gave Bucky before leaving the room didn’t go unnoticed.

“See, Buck? You’ll have your chance to talk to her. I’d give it a few days just so she has some time to digest everything,” Steve said. Bucky gave him a sad nod and decided to go to his room. He needed time to think about what he’s going to have to do to fix this.

He asked Friday to send him the footage from the quinjet. He wanted to know exactly what happened to you. He still held himself responsible for everything, blaming himself for you nearly dying. The video appeared on his computer almost instantly and he clicked play. He watched as the quinjet door opened and you stumbled on. Bullets were ricocheting off of the walls as you desperately waited for the door to close. He watched as your bloody form crawled towards the camera and control panel. You had just enough energy to hit the autopilot switch and hit the coordinates for the compound before you collapsed on the floor out of view from the camera.

Bucky closed his laptop and couldn’t stop the tears from falling. All of his pent up emotions were finally breaking him down. Bucky cried until sleep finally overtook him.

When you finally regained consciousness you were very aware of the pain coursing through your body. You let out a strangled groan and opened your eyes to see a team of doctors standing over you. Your eyes settled on Ryan and everything from the past few weeks came rushing back.

They started to explain what happened and what injuries you had. It was going to be a long road back to health but it was possible. They let you rest after giving you more medicine.

It wasn’t too long after the medical team left that Nat and Wanda entered your room. They knocked softly and made sure that you were awake before coming in. They told you how worried they had been and how happy they were to see that you were okay. They left after a little while when you started to doze off.

When you woke next it was Tony and Bruce that were standing by the door. Tony had flowers in his hand and it made you smile.

“They’re from Pepper and me. She insisted on nothing extravagant,” he told you.

“They’re perfect,” you croaked. You reached for the water on your bedside table but immediately recoiled when a sharp pain shot through your body. Bruce rushed to your side and held the water to your lips. You drank the entire glass and gasped for air when you were done.

The men left to meet with the doctors to go over your recovery plan but not before telling you that Sam would be down for a visit soon. You appreciated all of their concern but honestly, you didn’t want to deal with all of the drama yet. You ran off for a reason and now you were practically chained to your bed.

As promised, Sam wandered down to your room a few hours later. He brought your favorite candy and his laptop, offering you a movie night.

“That’s sweet, Sam, but I’m sure I wouldn’t even stay awake through half of it,” you sighed.

“That’s totally fine with me. I’ll just turn it off when you fall asleep,” he insisted. You knew he partially blamed himself for you running off but it was no one’s fault but your own. You needed space and the only way to get that was to leave.

You scooted over slowly but still let out a groan in pain. Sam told you not to move but you made room for him to sit beside you. You curled into his side as he hit play on the movie.

As you said you started to doze off about halfway through the film. Sam noticed and hit pause, waiting for you to fall deeper into sleep. He slowly crawled from your hospital bed and set up camp in the chair by your side. He couldn’t bear to leave your side.

He started to fall asleep but woke with a start when his phone buzzed.

Barnes: how’s she doing?

She’s fine, now leave her alone.

Barnes: you can’t keep me away from her. We need to talk at some point and she’ll agree

Let her come to you then. Until that point, you bet your metal ass that I’m going to protect her from you

Bucky never responded but Sam knew that he wasn’t going to give up easily. He just hoped he had sense enough to wait until you were healed to approach you.

Sam settled into the chair once again and fell asleep. He woke the next morning with a crick in his neck and a sore back. He watched as the nurses took your stats and gave you more medicine. Once they left you turned to him.

“You know you can’t stay here all the time,” you sighed.

“I know that. I just figured you’d want the company,” he said.

“You know I love having you around but I don’t want you to mess up your back by sleeping in that chair. I’m okay and I’ll be okay if you want to step out for a bit.”

“You’re too strong for your own good, kid,” he chuckled. His stomach growled and he considered stepping out to get food. The nurses assured him that you were fine and all of your surgical wounds were healing well. He told you that he’d be back later on and finally left in search of food.

It continued on like that for days, Sam hovering for a while and others filtering in and out. Everyone except for Bucky. You were somewhat relieved but also a bit hurt. Hadn’t he wanted to see that you were okay? Why did you even care anyway? He hurt you and you hadn’t moved past it yet.

Bucky wanted to go and see you but he knew he had to wait. He couldn’t put more stress on you right now. He watched as the others went to visit you. He could tell when you were having a good day by the way Sam smiled upon his return or when you were having a particularly rough day when it was Wanda that would come back and seem distraught. Steve had gone to visit you a few times but he knew that you didn’t want to be crowded by them. Bucky talked Steve’s ear off every time he came back from visiting you.

He asked how you were healing. Fine. How you seemed emotionally. It varies but not bad overall. If you were eating enough. She’s always had a good appetite. What medications they had you on. Hell if he knew. That was Tony and Bruce’s arena. And if you had asked about him. No. Sorry, pal. Are you surprised though? No, he wasn’t surprised but it still hurt each time he asked and received the same answer. He just had to bide his time and wait until you were healed before approaching you. At least it gave him time to think about what to say.

Part of him just wanted to fall on his knees before you and beg for forgiveness (and part of you wanted to see that), but he knew he had to do it right. He needed to find the right words to convey his feelings- the good, the bad, and the ugly. He needed to bare it all before you and hope that you’d listen and understand him.

After about a week and a half, you were cleared to return to your living quarters which had apparently been upgraded by Tony’s command. You now had your own separate wing. A recovery plan was put into place and you convinced them that you didn’t need a live-in nurse but agreed to have visiting ones from time to time. Members of the team were always going to be around to help you anyway and that you were sure of.

Tony wanted to throw a party in honor of your recovery but you convinced him that a lowkey dinner with the team was more than enough. You would have preferred that everyone forgot it ever happened but you knew that was unlikely. So after another week, you found yourself in your room with Nat who was helping you get dressed for dinner.

Your wounds weren’t completely healed but you had better range of motion and could manage to do more on your own. Nat still insisted on coming over early and helping you get ready.

“If you start to feel tired or sick or sore, just let us know and we’ll just bring you right back here. You don’t even have to go if you don’t want to, we all understand,” she said.

“I want to go. I’m feeling much better and I promise if I don’t want to be there for any reason then I’ll leave. I can handle this,” you chuckled.

“I know.” She looked to the ground and sighed. “You just really scared us and we’re all still really worried. It made us realize that we’re not invincible and any day can be our last so we’re not going to take anything for granted. We love you.”

“And I love you guys. I’m grateful for everything you’ve all done but I’d like for us to get back to regularly scheduled programming,” you told her. She gave you a soft smile and nodded. You made your way to the dining room where everyone was waiting. You were nervous to see everyone all at once but you were more nervous to see Bucky. You weren’t sure if he was going to be there and you didn’t have the courage to ask.

Nat entered the room before you and took her seat next to Steve. You saw that there was an empty seat next to Sam and Bruce so you took that one. Bucky wasn’t there but there was another plate setting next to Steve so you figured that he was running late. Or maybe he chickened out.

Everyone was chatting with each other and you started to relax. Dinner was eventually served- all of your favorites you noticed- but your stomach dropped when you saw Bucky sneaking in behind the servers. He took the seat next to his friend and kept his eyes trained on the food. Only after a few minutes did he dare to look at you. Your eyes hadn’t left his face since he walked in but when he caught you staring you quickly looked down.

He studied your face as you had done with him. You noticed that he looked tired and worn out. His beard had grown out more and his skin was pallid, almost sickly looking. Part of you was happy to see him looking so stressed and possibly even guilty, but another part, deeper down, worried for him.

He noticed how your eyes immediately dropped to your plate when his eye caught yours. You had been staring. His heartbeat sped up and his palms began to sweat. What could you possibly be thinking? Why did he show up in the first place? You probably didn’t want to see him and now you’ve lost your appetite. But maybe there was some small part of you that was happy to see him. In any case, you were both in the same room for the first time in over a month.

You looked a little tired but that was understandable. You picked slowly at your food and seemed more reserved now that he had joined. He wanted to say something but nothing seemed right so he settled for enjoying the company around him and seeing you alive and well in front of him.

Once dinner was finished everyone moved out to the patio to take in the night air. You agreed to sit with them for a while longer and you had to admit that you were having a nice time. You didn’t realize how much you missed all of them in the time that you were gone. Bucky lingered in the corner of your eye at all times but he never approached you. Sam was at your side and you wondered if that’s why he wasn’t coming over. Not that you wanted him to... or did you?

After a while, you began to feel more tired and Nat noticed. She offered to take you back to your room but you politely declined. You said goodnight to everyone and headed back to your wing. It wasn’t until you were to the elevator that you noticed someone following you. You turned to see Bucky standing a few feet back from you.

“Uh... hey,” he mumbled.

“Hi?”

“How are you feeling?” He asked.

“Tired but I’m fine,” you said. He nodded and awkwardly followed you onto the elevator. He pressed the buttons for your floor and his which were now separate.

“I think we need to talk,” he sighed.

“We do, but I don’t think now is a good time.” He hit the emergency stop button and the elevator came to a halt.

“I think now is a perfect time.”

--------------------------------------------

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savvysass · 5 years

Text

Self Sacrafice is a Bitch: Chapter 1

Ao3

SO this is my first Marvel Fic! It’s gonig to be really long and a fix it fic, so hang on tight!

Comments are greatly appreciated! Give me advice on what to do and I might give you a sneak peak at the story!

Rating:Not Rated Archive Warning:Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Category:Gen Fandoms:Marvel Cinematic UniverseSpider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types Relationships:Peter Parker & Tony StarkPeter Parker & Morgan Stark (Marvel Cinematic Universe)peter parker & all the avengersPepper Potts/Tony StarkMay Parker (Spider-Man) & Peter ParkerMichelle Jones/Peter ParkerNed Leeds & Peter Parker Characters:Peter Parker, Tony Stark, Pepper Potts, Steve Rogers, Happy Hogan, May Parker, Michelle Jones, Natasha Romanoff, Clint Barton, Sam Wilson (Marvel), Thor (Marvel), Peter Quill, Wanda Maximoff, James "Bucky" Barnes, Bruce Banner, Helen Cho, Nick Fury, Flash Thompson, everyone else who i forgot, its literally everyone i swear Additional Tags:endgame fix it fic, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Whump, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Near Death Experiences, Recovery, Amputation, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Angst, probably more than i remember Language:English Series:Part 1 of the Too Young to Die series Stats:Published:2019-09-09 Updated:2019-09-09 Words:2128 Chapters:1/? So Peter does the snap. Tony is not happy. He lives though, but barely. This is the road to recovery. Idk how often I'll update this, but for now I'm on a roll.

He feels like he’s floating.

It’s familiar, Tony thinks. The feeling of being nowhere. It’s not discomforting though. It’s as if a peaceful emptiness has taken him over, and he is simply floating in a realm of quiet existence.

He feels a warm pressure coming from somewhere, a muffled voice calling to him. It’s familiar, and he clings to it.

With great effort, he pulls himself into consciousness, Pepper’s relieved face looking down at him as he wakes up.

“Pep?” He slurs, noticing the taste of metal in his mouth. Medicine, he assumes.

“Hey Tony… You’re okay.”

He tries to sit up, and the weakness of his body brings him back to reality.

“Here take this… You find him and put that on and you hide.”

The words replay as he remembers tearing out his arc reactor and handing it to Steve, venom on his tongue.

That’s right.

Thanos.

Thanos had won.

Tony groaned as he placed his head in his hands, grief coiling around his heart like a snake.

Half the universe.

Half of existence.

His kid.

A sob works his way out of his throat.

“Tony…”

“How could this happen, Pep? How could… I was supposed to-”

“You did the best you could, Honey-”

“I lost the kid.”

Pepper takes in a breath.

“It wasn’t your fault.”

“He was in my arms- begging me to save him. His last words were ‘I’m sorry’ because of course they were, right? The kid was always saying sorry over the littlest things.”

Pepper wiped a tear from his cheek. He didn’t even realize he was crying.

“They are going to Thanos. They are going to get the stones to fix this.”

Tony let the words sink in as he looked up at her.

“They will fix it, Tony. They will fix it.”

Tony simply closed his eyes and prayed they did.

“We can’t fix it, Tony.”

The words cut through him like a knife.

Steve stood before him, Natasha and Rhodey by his side. The grief in their eyes was almost tangible it was so strong, and Tony felt his last shred of hope shatter at the sight of them.

His kid, along with half the universe, was gone.

It was over.

He took a breath.

“When we lose, we really lose… don’t we Rogers?” He whispered, his voice cracking. He wanted it to sound hateful, but the sadness that had consumed him outweighed even the bitterness he felt.

“Tony-” Steve started, but Tony held his hand up to stop him.

“Pepper, get Happy. We are leaving.”

Natasha stepped forward, reaching towards him “Tony we-”

“NO!” He screamed as he slapped her hand away. She recoiled at his touch.

“I’m done.” He whispered. He looked to Pepper, a silent plea to get him away from this place echoing in his eyes.

“I’m done.”

Sorrow consumed him as everyone filed out of the room, Pepper slipping her hand into his as she rang for Happy. Soon everything became a blur.

Without being fully aware of what was going on, he felt himself being ushered into the back seat, Pepper sliding in next to him. Happy turned around, his eyes seeming dull and lifeless as he asked his usual question.

“Where to, sir?”

Tony squeezed Pepper’s hand as he turned away from the compound.

“Anywhere but here.”

…

The drone of voices hummed around him, Tony too distraught to bother to try and hear them. Suddenly Pepper’s hand ran through his hair, and he looked up to see her beautiful eyes staring back at him with both affection and heartbreak.

“We’re here, Tony.” She said softly.

Tony looked around, immediately recognizing where they were. It was a vacation home Pepper had bought. He had told her to buy a house that they could visit to get away every once in a while a few months back, and he had had it all decked out with the best technology while consulting a designer to give it that homey feel that he had always desired in a home- the exact opposite of the modern and sleek look he was used to.

He looked to Pepper in confusion.

“We can live here now.” Pepper said softly. “We can forget about saving the world and Stark Industries here. I know you are hurting, and this is a place to heal. This is a place where we can stay and be happy- Even in this reality. We can have a child, we can make a family. We can make a paradise, even in a world like this.”

Tony looked around, taking in the soft sound of running water and a breath of mountain air.

“We were lucky, Tony. We both made it out alive. Rhodey and Happy did too. I know… I know Peter didn’t, but Peter would want you to move on. He wouldn’t want you to be miserable.”

Her words sunk into Tony’s heart, a fond memory of curly brown locks and an innocent smile bringing a sense of both loss and comfort to his aching soul.

She was right.

Peter would want him to move on.

With the conviction to make a life that he could be proud of, he tucked the familiarity of the teen’s curious and excited aura into a box in the back of his mind, and he stepped forward.

5 years later

They were out of their minds.

Time travel? Really?

He watched through the window as Steve, Natasha, and that ant guy who’s name he still couldn’t remember pulled away, shaking his head.

They must have been really desperate to suggest something like that. This wasn’t an 80’s movie- This was real life, and real life meant moving on from the snap.

He spent the rest of the day shaking the feeling of discomfort that came with seeing his friends in such a pitiful state, until he was cleaning up dinner.

That was when he saw the picture.

His kid- his first kid- proudly holding an upside-down award for being a stark intern, bunny ears behind both of their heads.

The box he had stuffed Peter’s memories in burst open.

Suddenly thoughts of his kid, spontaneous and sassy, innocent and heroic, came bubbling to the front of his mind, hitting him like a freight train.

All at once, he realized with grim determination, he had to try.

For Peter, he would try anything.

...

By bedtime that night, a successful simulation was staring him in the face.

For the first time in years, he allowed himself to hope.

…

“What was it?” Pepper asked quietly, her book on composting long forgotten.

“Hmm?” Tony hummed, studying his simulation once more.

“Why did you try and do it? You seemed adamant when Steve was here that you would not attempt it. I could tell you were feeling guilty for not trying, but I wasn’t expecting you to give in so fast.”

Tony sighed.

“It was… It was Peter. I saw a picture of Peter in the kitchen. I knew- I knew I had to try… for him.”

Pepper smiled at him sadly.

“And this… this is really a chance to get him back?”

Tony ran his hand down his face, shock still vibrating in his bones as he looked at the success tag on his model.

“Yeah… We have a chance. But, Pep, Morgan… I won’t give up Morgan. I will find a way so we can have them both- Both of our kids will come out of this alive.”

Pepper stood up and wrapped her arms around his middle and kissed between his shoulder blades.

“Morgan is going to love him.”

Tony’s heart fluttered, the thought of his two kids being able to finally meet filling him with a warm and fuzzy feeling. He had told Morgan about Peter before, calling him her brother, especially on nights when he missed him so much it was physically painful. Stories of a teenage boy slinging through the city in his pjs with Iron Man by his side filled Morgan with awe on those nights, and now she had the chance to actually meet her beloved Underoos.

Yes. This was going to work.

…

Peter felt his senses come back to him all at once. He gasped for air as he shot upright, the feeling of wrongness he had felt just moments before vanishing as he gathered his bearings.

“Kid, stand up.”

Peter blinked as he looked up to the wizard, Dr. Strange he recalled, who was holding his hand out to him. He took it gratefully, pulling himself up onto his feet.

“Dr. Strange? What- What happened? Mister Stark-”

Peter’s eyes went wide as he noticed he could not find his mentor, spinning on his heels and looking wildly for him.

“Calm down, Peter. Stark is on Earth, and has been for 5 years. It’s where we are heading as well to fight Thanos.”

Peter furrowed his brows as he processed that information.

“Wait- Waitwaitwait. What do you mean he’s been home for 5 years?! He was right here! How did he- and why 5 years? When did- Has it been- What-”

“Calm down, kid.” Strange said with a stern yet comforting voice. Peter took a deep breath and listened. “Yes, it has been 5 years. We were erased from existence by Thanos, but we were brought back just now. The avengers on Earth who were not snapped are fighting a version of him from the past, trying to stop him from doing it again. Guardians, are you prepared to fight?”

Peter couldn’t hear what Starlord and the others were saying, his mind replaying the words the Wizard had spoken on repeat.

5 years.

Before he had time to worry about May, Ned, MJ, Mister Stark, Happy, and everyone else, a portal opened in front of him, showing a scorched battlefield, with Thanos and Captain Rogers at the center.

He swallowed his fear and swung towards it, removing his mask as reality sunk in.

Hundreds upon thousands of warriors stood alongside him, a battle cry from Captain Rogers surging them forward. He raced ahead, fighting as many enemies as he could, but more than anything, he wanted to get to Mister Stark. He wanted to find him so badly, to make sure he was not hurt, to tell him that he was okay.

After being on the business end of a few punches, Peter saw him engaged with some horrible alien nightmare, and he rushed forward to tear it off of him.

Tony looked up at him in shock.

An explanation of all he had experienced came rolling off of his tongue, a jumbled mess of words sprinting through his brain so fast he could barely talk. Suddenly, he was being enveloped in his mentor’s arms, a hug so tight and so relieved he couldn’t speak. The way Mister Stark held him- it reminded him of how Ben held him. To say he was surprised Mister Stark was showing him this much affection would be an understatement.

“This… This is nice,” was all he could stammer out.

Tony squeezed him tight, clapping a hand on his back as he headed back out to the fight. Peter was dazed for a second by the sudden show of affection before he remembered what he was doing.

At some point the infinity gauntlet came into his hands, and he rushed to get it to Captain Danvers. As he handed it to her though, something in his gut told him to follow it. A sense of urgency- that something bad would happen if he didn’t follow that glove.

So he did.

…

Tony looked at the wizard as he held up a single finger.

He knew what had to be done.

Regrets buzzed through his head, knowing Morgan would grow up without a father. He knew Pepper would be heartbroken. He wouldn’t see Peter and have a proper reunion after all. So many things he wanted to do, but in order to save the people he loved, he would give them all up.

Thanos snapped his fingers, confused when nothing happened. His eyes widened to see Tony with the stones in his makeshift glove.

“And I… am Iron-”

A shot of webs attacked his hand, pulling at the infinity stones. Before he could register what was happening, the stones had been ripped from his grasp…

… And were now sitting on top of gauntlet made of web on Peter’s left hand.

Tony’s heart dropped into his stomach. He felt time slow down in front of him, as if all that existed at that moment was him and his kid.

“Kid, what- what are you doing?”

Peter shot him a guilty but determined smile.

“I’m sorry, Mister Stark.”

Tony screamed his name as Peter screwed his eyes shut.

And then he snapped.

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team-iron-wannabe-man · 4 years

Text

Which Avenger?

Okay, so let’s play a game! I was tagged by the lovely @amanda-teaches! I love you girl! xx

1. Which avenger would you recruit to help you plan your birthday? I’d say Wanda or Steve because I know they’d throw a quaint little party and not a full on parade like Tony would. This introvert would rather keep things small and intimate rather than a huge shindig. (and yes, I said shindig.)

2. Which avenger would you switch suits with for a day? I wanna say that this is a no brainer! TONY OF COURSE! His Iron Man suits are pretty amazing!

3. Which avenger would you want to train with? First I’d start out with Sam, then move on to Steve, the Bucky (just to touch him), and then end with Nat. That way it’s kind of like a warm up. I know Sam will take it easy on my, Steve will push me, and Nat will just try to kick my ass!

4. Oh No, you need help! Which avenger would you call if you’re in trouble? Mmmm... Nat? I don’t know. Honestly, I know I could count on any of them.

5. Uh oh, you got arrested, which avenger were you with? Scott... yeah... Scott for sure. OR PETER QUILL! or the entire GOTG.

6. The Avengers are playing basketball, which avenger would you pick first to be on your team? Sam, because then I know he knows how to play the game.

7. You’re trying to make your ex jealous, which avenger do you pretend to date? Steve or Bucky... preferably Bucky. But if I want to level up, then I’d pretend to date Nat. All genders and life forms have a crush on her! (in my opinion)

8. You’re out for a good time, and need a wing man/woman, which avenger do you pick for the job? Sam for sure! He’s a hell of a smooth talker so I know he’ll make me sound good.

9. You woke up with a hangover, which avenger were you drunk with? THOR! And I’d probably be dead, not hungover!

10. You’re going on a road trip, which avenger do you ride with? Scott Lang. I feel like he’d be a lot of fun.

11. No way! You slept with one of the avengers. Which avenger did you wake up next to? I would HOPE it’s Bucky! haha.

12. Your favorite band is having a concert, which avenger goes with you? Scott to have a good time, Steve because he “insists” on coming along. You know his type, over-protective and all.

13. You’re going shopping, and need second opinions, which avenger do you trust to help you pick out outfits? Wanda! I actually think in real life we’d make great friends.

14. Your parents want to meet one of your new friends, which avenger do you take to meet your parents? Steve or Wanda. Maybe Sam too.

15. You get injured on a mission, which avenger would you trust to be in charge of your care? Bucky! Cuz i know he’ll be quiet and get the job done. When in recovery, I need silence.

16. Your room is a mess, which avenger do you pick to be your butler, and clean your room? VISION!!

17. You wanna play a prank on the team, but need help. Which avenger do you pick to help you prank the rest of the team? Sam, Clint, or Scott.

18. Time to buy Christmas presents, which avenger is the easiest for you to buy for? Steve and Bucky. They’re from simpler times so I know a few gifts that would be incredibly sentimental for them :)

19. You’re going on a mission but only one other person can go. Which member of the team, do you choose to go with you? Depends on the mission, but I’d pick any one of them!

Tagging @pinknerdpanda @musicalmuffindog1410 @imanuglywombat @star-spangled-man-with-a-plan

and anyone else that would like to partake in this fun!

#tag games #marvel #MCU

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idontgiveaflyinggrayson69 · 5 years

Text

Stains

Author: Nat / @idontgiveaflyinggrayson69 & Lia / @dacres-strawberry-daiquiri

Requested: No

Tagging: @thisismysecrethappyplace @patzammit @aw-hawkeye @caswinchester2000

Fandom: Avengers

Relationship: Pre-Established; Bucky x Reader

Summary: Bucky slops on himself and needs help getting the stain out, he gets more than he bargained for.

Word Count: 3.8k

Warnings: Smut. Unprotected sex (wrap it up kids).

Bucky’s been through a lot. He’s been through more than anyone could ever understand.

He lived through the Great Depression, was drafted to the battlefields of the Second World War, captured and experimented on by the Nazi’s rouge science division, HYDRA, gone MIA and presumed KIA, only to have survived the fall and been returned to the hands of HYDRA, where he would spend the next several decades being tortured and wiped and used as a weapon to commit political assassinations against his own country.

Bucky was, and you would always believe it, the world’s oldest Prisoner of War. You just wished that the world would see that too. Wished that the world would see him as the sweet, caring, funny guy he truly is, and not the monster HYDRA made him.

When Steve found Bucky, he stopped at nothing to get him back, and you, one of Steve’s closest friends on the Avengers, were beside him every step of the way. You knew what Bucky meant to Steve and you understood that everything the Winter Soldier had done, was never really Bucky. You understood that Bucky was as much a victim as the Winter Soldier’s targets.

Once Steve managed to find Bucky and bring him to the Avenger’s Tower, the road to recovery was a long one. But everyone rallied to help him. Shuri especially helped, she took out all the HYDRA coding and helped him with regaining his memory.

Steve was there to help Bucky remember who he was. Tony was there to help with his arm, which needed regular maintenance and Bucky didn’t know how to fix it. Wanda was there to help Bucky sort through what was real and what wasn’t. And you were there to help Bucky learn who he was going to be now.

You became Bucky’s favourite person.

You didn’t see him as a fun toy, or as something that needed to be fixed. You didn’t look at him as something that once was but will never be again. You saw him as his own person and as he was. You saw him for him.

So, as Bucky’s favourite person, you started to spend more time with him and the two of you began to grow closer. The two of you would watch TV and movies together, braid each other’s hair and cook.

What neither of you expected was to fall for one another. In hindsight, it should have been expected. The two of you spent all your time together and you made each other happy. In the beginning it was a little difficult. Bucky hadn’t been in a relationship since the 40s and he didn’t really know what to do, but the two of you figured it out together. And, you were happy together.

But, the two of you hadn’t taken the sex step yet. Bucky didn’t want to jump into things and you were happy to wait till he was ready, even if it left you sexually frustrated. But, you didn’t let it bother you. You didn’t needsex to be happy.

Tonight, was a cooking night. Bucky wanted to test out a pasta sauce he recently remembered and you were happy to assist.

“For a guy from the 40s, you certainly are a good cook, Buck.” You moaned after tasting the sauce for the first time.

Bucky chuckled softly. “I had to learn, I was on my own for quite some time after I moved out of the house.”

“It’s good shit, man.” You said with a smile, gesturing the spoon towards the sauce pot.

Bucky shrugged and added a few most spices, scooping up a small spoonful of sauce. “Try it for me?”

“Of course,” You nodded. “Thank you.”

You blew on the hot sauce before eating it, moaning softly. “This is honestly just so fucking good.”

You scooped up another spoonful of sauce and raised it towards Bucky. “You gotta have some too, Buck.”

“I mean, I made it but sure.” Buck laughed and grabbed the spoon, moving to put it in his mouth but he missed slightly causing a few splotches to drop onto his shirt. “Fuck, one second, I need to wash this off. Stir the sauce for me, (Y/N).”

You nodded and took the stirring spoon to stir the sauce. “Did you at least think it tasted amazing?”

“Yeah it was!” Bucky beamed with a smile. “It needs more salt though.”

“I... will let you handle that when you get back.” You laughed, not wanting to ruin the sauce.

Buck nodded and headed down the hall towards the bathroom. He grabbed a wash cloth from the cabinet and ran it under some cold water before rubbing the stain.

“Oh come on.” Bucky mumbled, rubbing the sauce stain more vigorously, only making it worse. “Fuck!”

The bathroom wasn’t too far down the hall, so you could hear Bucky’s commotion. You quickly covered the pot before walking after him. “Bucky?”

Bucky ignored you and started rummaging through the cabinets, looking for something to get the stain out. “This fucking thing, where the hell is all my stuff!”

“Bucky?” You ask softly, knocking on the opened door.

He looks up at you a little frantically. “I can figure it out, I just need the right stuff. I swear, I can do it... I just need... well I need, fuck what do I need?!”

You instantly snapped into action. “You need to take it off, it’ll be easier to clean. Baking soda or white vinegar will help get the stain out, but you can’t use both, alright?”

Bucky stopped what he’s doing, looking at you in defeat. “I’m sorry… I… a lot of memories of my mom and exes have been coming back recently they would do this sort of thing and—“

You nodded softly. “It’s alright. You don’t have to explain, Bucky. I can help you. C’mon, take it off, I’ll help. I may not be them; but, I do have some 50s housewife training.” You joked, trying to lighten the mood.

Bucky could only nod, slipping the top above his head and handing it to you. You swallowed and took the shirt. You had hoped that you would at least be able to get a smile from him. You nodded to the kitchen. “I’m just going to grab the baking soda...”

Bucky stayed silent, not trusting his voice or knowing what to say. Ever since Shuri fixed his head, his memories had been coming back. She said that most likely not all of them would come back, but a good number of them would, and a lot of them had. In fact, they were coming back faster than Bucky could handle.

You sighed, putting the shirt down on the sink edge before turning to look at him. “Bucky...” You whispered, gently reaching up to stroke his cheek.

Bucky clenched his jaw and gripped the sink. “Don't...”

“We don’t have to talk about it.” You said softly, slowly running your hand down his right arm.

Bucky lifted his face to look at you. “I can get a stain out, I swear.”

“Don’t,” You pushed a piece of his hair behind his ear, “worry about the stain.” You took a step closer to him.

Bucky inhaled and darted between your eyes. “(Y/N)...”

You took another step closer so your chest was touching his, pushing yourself up onto your tippy toes to press a kiss to his cheek before whispering in his ear. “Let me take care of you.”

Bucky hesitated for a minute before sliding his hand towards your hip and bending down to ghost his lip over yours. You moved your hand to his hair and pulled him down to connect your lips. Bucky tightened his grip around your waist, pulling you closer and wrapped his left hand behind your neck to deepen the kiss.

You gasped in surprise, not expecting Bucky’s actions, your free hand running down his back. He slid both hands down to your ass giving it a squeeze causing you to moan, digging your nails into his back. Bucky let out a low growl, picking you up and pushing you against the nearest wall.

“Fuck, Bucky!” You yelled, surprised.

He started to kiss down your neck. “Are you sure about this?”

“Yes.” You breathed out, tilting your head to the side to give him more room. “Are you?”

Bucky sucked just below your earlobe and presses himself into your core. “Yes.”

You wrapped your legs tightly around his waist, pulling him closer. “Then fuck me, Bucky.”

Bucky’s eyes darken as he looked at you before crashing his lips back onto yours, pulling you off the wall and heading towards his room. You tangled your hands into his hair, giving it a light tug as you ran your tongue along his bottom lip.

Bucky groaned into the kiss parting his lips to give you access as he moved into his room, shutting the door with his foot. You pulled back at the sound of the door closing, glancing quickly around the room. “Are you sure you’re okay with this?”

Bucky ignored you, tossing you onto the bed and quickly hovered over you, not hesitating to re-attach his lips to yours. You tangled your hands into his hair and wrapped your legs around his waist, pulling his weight onto you.

Bucky smirked and ground his hips down into your core, causing you to moan into the kiss and grind your hips back against his. “More. I need more.”

Bucky nodded and started sucking on your neck, sliding his hands to the hem of your shirt before ripping it open. You gasped slightly at the graze of cool metal against your skin, but didn’t care about the destruction of your shirt.

He smirked and started leaving love bites down your body. When Bucky got to the hem of your jeans he flicks open the button and looks up at you for approval. You nodded quickly. “Please, Buck.”

You brought your hand to his head and push the hair back from his eyes before gently tugging on the strands. Bucky licked his lips before breaking your gaze to slide your jeans off. “Fuck, (Y/N), you're soaked right through your panties.”

“It’s cause you’re so fucking hot, Jesus Christ, Buck.” You bit your lip and leaned your head back against the pillow.

Bucky chuckled softly, leaning down and pulling your panties to the side before softly blowing against your heat. You gasped at his action, arching your back, your hand tightening in his hair.

Bucky groaned and tore your underwear off much like your shirt, tossing it to the side and attacked your clit.

“Oh, FUCK!” You shouted, your legs tightening around his head due to the sudden contact.

Bucky grunted and forcibly pulled your legs apart. “Stay still, Babygirl.”

He slid his left hand up your thigh and started teasing your entrance with the tips of his metal fingers. You whined and shivered at the contact, grinding down on his fingers looking for more. “Please, Bucky. Please.”

Bucky pulled away from your clit and looked at you softly. “Do you want me to use the other hand?”

You looked at him and licked your lips before shaking your head and spreading your legs more. “I want the metal.”

Bucky rose his brows in surprise but then smirked and winked at you before diving back in, giving your clit kitten licks while inserting a metal digit into your heat.

“Oh, fuck.” You moaned loudly, throwing your head back against the pillow, moving your hands to grip the sheets. He pumped his finger in and out of you and started sucking on your clit more intensely.

“God, don’t stop.” You whined, your grip tightening on the sheets. “Feels so good, Bucky.”

Bucky slipped another finger in, curling them upwards, causing you to arch your back, grinding down on him, looking for more. “I’m getting close, Bucky.”

He picked up his pace with his fingers, curling them at random. “Cum for me, (Y/N).” Bucky looked up at you, his eyes full of lust, his lips glistening with your desire.

“I—“ You were cut off by your orgasm ripping through you, arching your back with a loud moan of Bucky’s name.

Bucky groaned at the sight of you coming undone around his fingers. He bent back down and licked up all your juices, continuing to slowly pump his fingers, working you though your orgasm. “You're so beautiful.”

You whined softly after coming down from your high, your breathing heavy. “Too much…” You moved your hands back to his hair and lightly tugged him away.

Bucky pulled away and hovered over you, his face covered in your juices and concern. “Did I hurt you?”

“Fuck no.” You shook your head. “I’m just sensitive, gotta give me a minute... a minute that I can most certainly make use of...” You smirk and flip him over so you were resting above him.

Bucky lifted his eyebrows in surprise but smirked up at you, sitting up to kiss you, wrapping his arms behind you and unclasping your bra. You smiled into the kiss, slipping the straps off your arms and discarding the garment on the floor, your nipples hardened at the cool air. Bucky slid his hands back around to your front, gripping your breasts in his hands, teasingly circling his thumbs over your hardened nubs, causing you to moan loudly.

“You’re very responsive.” Bucky chuckled, giving one of your nipples a tighter squeeze.

“Ah!” You bit your lip, pressing yourself into his touch. “It’s ‘cause it feels so good, Buck.”

His eyes darkened at the sight of you biting your lip. “Careful with that lip, (Y/N)...” Bucky swallowed deeply, warning you.

You looked at him innocently before biting your lip again and pushing Bucky back down on to his back, lightly running a finger down his chest to his belt. Bucky growled lowly as a warning but let you continue. You moved your finger past his belt to trace his bulge. “This feels like quite the problem; do you need help with it?”

Bucky clenched his jaw. “Don't tease me, Babygirl. You'll regret it.”

You smirked and moved your finger back up his stomach, bending down to hover over him. “That wasn’t a yes.”

“Fuck, yes.” Bucky breathed.

You nodded and got off him, standing on shaky legs before kneeling on the floor at the foot of the bed, tapping the bed in front of you with your hand. “C’mere, Sergeant.”

Bucky groaned, standing up in front of you, sliding a strand of hair behind your ear. You ran your hands up his thighs before slowly undo his belt and pants as Bucky’s hand slid into your hair, holding the back of your head.

You grabbed a hold of both waist bands and slowly pulled them down his thighs, licking your lips once his dick was released. You wrapped your hand around his shaft and gave it a few experimental strokes, causing Bucky to groan and grip your hair tighter. “Fuck, (Y/N).”

You leant forwards to take his tip into your mouth, circling your tongue around his head. Bucky lightly bucked his hips at the sensation. “Fuck.”

Slowly, you took him into your mouth inch by inch as far as you could before hollowing your cheeks and bobbing your head with a soft suck, one hand resting on the base of his dick, the other on his hip.

Bucky clenched his jaw and looked down at you, groaning at the sight and pleasure. You flicked your eyes up to his and took him further into your mouth, your eyes watering a bit as your nails dig into his hip.

“You take me so well.” Bucky groaned, lightly bucking into you.

You moaned softly at his words, sending vibrations through him. Bucky groaned loudly and pulled you off. “As amazing as this is, I'm not done with you yet.”

You whined in disapproval before wiping your lips off on the back of your hand and smirking up at him. “You gonna fuck me now?”

Bucky put his hand under your chin and pulled, encouraging you to stand. Slowly, you stood up, your eyes dark with lust.

“Yes, I am. But I need to know you’re ready because,” Bucky slid his hands down to your ass giving it a squeeze, “once I start,” Bucky ghosted his lips with yours, “I won't be able to stop.”

You pressed your lips against his roughly before pulling back to kiss along his jaw to his ear. “I want you to fuck me, James.”

Bucky growled and picked you up only to toss you onto the bed, crawling on top of you to hover above you. He hiked both your legs up over his shoulders and lined himself up with your entrance, looking at you once more for approval. You nodded, your lips parted. “Please, Bucky.”

With that, he drilled into you, not giving you any time to adjust, groaning at the feel of you around him. “You feel so fucking good.”

“Fuck. Bucky.” You gripped the sheet roughly, closing your eyes and tilting your head back in pleasure.

Bucky sat up slightly and held your hips up for a better angle, nailing into you at a fast pace. You moaned loudly, arching your back as much as you could. “Feels so good.”

“You're so fucking beautiful.” Bucky tightened his grip on your hips enough to bruise, leaning forwards again to start nibbling on your right nipple.

You gasped, your hands going to his head, needing to hold on to him as your toes curled at the pleasure. Bucky groaned and lifted his head to kiss you, picking up his pace. You moaned against his lips, your hands tugging on his strands.

Bucky pulled your neck to the side and started sucking below your ear lobe, reaching his left hand down between the two of you to rub your clit causing you to whine, tilting your head to the side to give Bucky more room and grinding down on his hand and dick. “I’m gonna cum again, Buck.”

“That's a good girl, cum around my cock.” Bucky whispered, his voice husky.

You nodded and allowed the building sensation to give and let your orgasm wash over you, your eyes rolling back as you dug your nails into Bucky’s back and you clenched around him. “BUCKY!”

Bucky groaned your name loudly as you tightened around him and continued thrusting into you at a rougher pace chasing his own release. “Fuck, what a good girl for me.”

You gasped at sensation, arching your back as you rolled your hips to meet his thrusts. “I want you to fill me up so good, Bucky, please.”

With that, Bucky’s thrusts became sporadic and a few thrusts later Bucky nuzzled his head into the crook of your neck as he stilled inside you, releasing his load. “Oh, (Y/N).”

You gently rubbed his sides, pulling him down, urging him to put more of his weight on you.

“I don't want to hurt you.” Bucky protested after a moment, trying to hold his weight off of you.

“You’re not going to hurt me.” You reassured your boyfriend.

Bucky looked at you for a moment before letting go of some weight, leaning down to kiss your shoulder. You hummed at his action, still rubbing his side.

“We haven’t checked the sauce...” You released a weak laugh.

Bucky chuckled. “I'm confident that it might be ruined.”

Bucky pushed himself up, giving you a light peck before pulling out of you and rolling off you, laying on his side to face you. “Do you need anything?”

You slowly laid your legs flat against the mattress with a small gasp. “No, I don’t think so. You’ve done plenty.” You gave him a smile.

“Do you remember if you turned the heat off?” Bucky asked, his hand coming up to rub your stiff legs.

“I covered it and turned the heat down but not off, if I knew this was going to happen, I would have turned it off…” You trailed off with a laugh.

Bucky smirked. “Okay, I'll go turn it off. If it's still okay do you want me to bring you some?” Bucky got up, sliding on a pair of sweat pants before turning back to you at you.

You nodded. “Please. I would get up myself but I’m pretty sure that’s not a good idea...”

“Yeah no, stay put. Do you want a cold cloth or anything?” Bucky asked with a small smile.

“No, thank you.” You replied, pulling the covers back to slip under the blankets.

“Okay, I’ll be right back.” Bucky nodded before walking out of the room.

“Thanks, Bucky.” You called after him before getting yourself comfy in the bed, wrapping a throw over your shoulders to cover your breasts as you sat up against the headboard.

Bucky walked back into the room with two bowls of pasta a few minutes later. “So the bottom of the sauce burned but the top was fine so I snagged that.”

You smiled brightly, sitting up with the blankets wrapped around you. “Yay! Thanks, Buck.”

“It might not taste as good as it did; but, I think it's worth it.” Bucky said softly, passing you a bowl of pasta before sitting down on the foot of the bed.

“I think it’ll taste amazing.” You replied, smelling it. “It smells really good.”

“So did you.” Bucky smirked and sent you a wink.

You blushed tucked a piece of hair behind your ear. “Um, thank you?”

“Haha, I'm just teasing, (Y/N).” Bucky said with a smile. “Seriously though, are you okay?”

You nodded while taking a dep breath. “I’m way better than okay, Buck.”

“I was worried I was going to hurt you.” He whispered, looking away.

“Why?” You asked softly, looking at him.

Bucky looked back at you and smiled softly. “You're asking an assassin with a metal arm who was built to kill, why he was worried about hurting you?”

You smiled up at him. “I don’t break so easily, Bucky. I’m not going anywhere, I promise, alright?”

Bucky nodded lightly, clenching his jaw slightly and looking away. He shoved a forkful of pasta into his mouth.

You reached over and stroked his arm but didn’t say anything. Instead, you put your own forkful of pasta into your mouth.

“This is really good.” You said softly. “Maybe you should go by the CookingSoldier and not the WinterSoldier.”

Bucky smiled and looked over at you. “Maybe.”

#Bucky Barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes oneshot #bucky barnes smut #mine

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the-canary · 6 years

Text

Pretend - B.B.

Summary: Denial is a strong motivator to do stupid things. (Reader/Bucky Barnes).

Prompt: “Let’s do something romantic, like plan a murder or something.”

A/N: This is for @softhairbarnes 750 writing challenge. It took me awhile to figure out how this situation would go, but it’s fun and I enjoyed it! So, I hope you do as well.

Masterlist

Feedback is always welcomed.

Being an Avenger isn’t always what’s cracked up to be in the media. There isn’t a Tony Stark party every night, there hours are long and sacrifices are made for the greater good in terms of personal and familial relations. It’s busting from one mission to another with people that have your back, but with the possibility of never coming back to the Tower or the Compound. The highest state of being a workaholic, but you wouldn’t have it any other way because while you are a hero somewhere else in the world for either a few days or weeks, it allowed you to avoid the problems back home.

“Mission debrief with Nat and Sam,” Clint explains as he polishes his arrows, a few hours away from landing at the Compound, “Potential mission in Morocco for another three weeks.”

“Do you think they’ll need me?” you ask, turning around after you finish wrapping your hands in bandages. The last mission had left you a bit worse for wear, but it wasn’t something that wouldn’t be gone in a couple of hours though there were some wounds that were worst, but hidden underneath the combat suit you wore. Clint just frowns.

“They might,” he says, though he has to add a little extra towards the end, “But, don’t you think you should take a break? You’ve been going on like this for nearly 2 months now.”

“I--” you want to defend yourself, but if Nat knew it was more than likely that she had told Clint as well -- they were a nasty pair like that.

“You can’t keep avoiding him forever, kid,” he tells you the die hard truth of what you have been avoiding these past couple of weeks, which causes you to frown. There is stubborn glint in your that he had seen a dozen times before in all the years of knowing you -- you weren’t going to say a word, take it with you to the grave if you could, “He’s gonna come looking for you eventually.”

“I guess, I’ll handle that when it comes to it,” is the only way you respond, as Clint laughs at your attitude.

The rest of the ride is spent talking about what you want to do in the little intermission between this debrief and the next mission briefing. A nap will be nice, but you know that that will be impossible with the excitement and adrenaline still running through your veins -- maybe, finally getting to eat some good homemade food from all the leftovers that Wanda tends to keep for everyone. Food was always good to ease the body and even the heart, which you had been fighting with for quite some time now.

The hour long flight passes by too fast as you both are already walking down the hanger as Clint prepares to take a much needed rest and you try to the best with the time allocated for you before going to go meet with Natasha and Sam. Clint gives you a good-natured pat on the back as you give him a simple shrug.

“Take me advice. It’ll make it easier in the long run,” he warns you one last time, but you don’t say anything. He waits until you leave the hanger area, for a twenty minute brief and quick shower, to take out his own communication device and speak into it.

“She’s heading to the kitchen,” he shakes his head with a smile, tired of how you’ve been avoiding the situation, as a familiar female voice answers back.

Clint’s words hold some truth because for a while Bucky Barnes has been wondering why he hasn’t seen you in such a long time. Long missions and time apart was something he was used to since becoming an Avenger and slowly becoming your friend after the long road of recovery, but this much time apart was insane. He worried about your health and was slowly coming to realize that it might be more, though he couldn’t help but question your actions once he asked Steve why you had been on so many missions lately.

“Shouldn’t she take a break? Ain’t that part of protocol?” Bucky tries to ask discreetly as possible one training session with Steve. You had just gone on a mission to Europe and had just as quickly packed up for a mission to Morocco with Clint. He hadn’t seen you in three weeks and it was starting to drive him up the wall. Blue eyes look back to meet his, as Steve seems to pick up on something Bucky hasn’t.

“I’ve already told her, Buck,” Steve pauses from punching the bag in front of him to look his oldest friend, “But, she’s want to dive right in, hard to stop a gal like that.”

“It’s just---” Bucky stops in frustration, as he runs a hand through his matted hair and Steve can’t help but smile just a bit.

“You got something you wanna let out,” Steve teases with a laugh, as Bucky stops for a second and frowns as he tries to organize his thoughts. He knows that your absence bothers him, though he isn’t ready to admit the reason why just yet, not to Steve and certainly not to himself.

“Nah,” is all he says before going back to training and hopefully off of what’s really bothering him.

Since then, Bucky had been avoiding the bigger picture of what was bothering him, of what he could potentially be feeling for a close friend. He had known you for quite some time now. You made movie nights for him, trained with him, had his back when pranking Sam, and if he thought about it long enough it was only natural that he was drawn to your light like a moth and while he had been trying to get back into the “modern dating scene” here and there because it was different trying to initiate something with a stranger than with a close friend -- someone that he would place his life on the line for. And while that was just a shitty excuse, it was better than the darker thoughts that swim in his head.

Maybe, that’s why it was easier to go through the routine of checking his guns, or like he was doing at the current moment -- sharpening his knife in one of the darker recreational areas, maybe just for the potential of scaring Sam like he usually did. Instead, he was welcomed with the sight of you coming into the room with a bowl and freshly out of the shower from what he could tell with your damp hair.

“Hey Bucky,” you give him a smile and he doesn’t know if it's the soldier in him or if it’s just because it is you that he can notice the tired shag of your shoulder as you walk to take a seat on the couch. There is a limp in your walk that you are doing your best to hide, since you ability hasn’t caught up to healing it, and there are bandages around your hands. The toll of your constant missions is starting to catch up on you.

“You okay, doll?” he questions, as you take a bite out of your yogurt and fruit mix. You give him a light smile over his concern, though it doesn’t stop the quick ache in the middle of your chest because this is all friendly concern and nothing more.

“Nothing that can’t be fixed in a couple of hours,” you say in a dismissive tone in regards to your ample healing ability, though he didn’t need to know you were pushing your ability to its extreme with how many missions you were taking -- you were reckless that way.

However, instead of saying anything about your current emotional problems, you decide to stay quiet and simply enjoy the silence you have with one of your closest friends. It was better than getting your heart potentially torn apart, though physical activity might be a whole better than the metaphorical version. Yet, you want to hear his voice beyond the sharpening of his beloved knife, and maybe that what makes you open your mouth, as you lean into the couch.

“ Let’s do something romantic, like plan a murder or something ,” you say breaking the silence from your side of the couch as blue eyes turn to look at you for a moment. He’s surprised in the way you say it , but the last part catches him off guard for a moment, not sure it you are jesting or being serious.

“Why would you want to do that?” he says walking over a thin bridge, though you can tell he is just humoring you with those twinkling blue eyes and the crooked grin on his lips as he sharpens his knife.

“Clint was annoying me on the ride back,” you admit, not never going farther to the actual truth, instead moving a bit more towards your curren fantasy with a laugh, “Just wanna whack him with a bat, maybe throw him in the Hudson.”

“You’ve been watching too many Scorsese movies again, doll,” it’s Bucky’s turn to laugh at the reminder that you have watched Goodfellas and Heat one too many times, and while he didn’t watch them with you for specific reasons he had gotten too used to you quoting them and going into monologue with Sam when the situation called for it. It was a little violet, but it’s one of the quirks he liked about you.

He liked a lot about you, actually and he was slowly starting to figure that out.

“Maybe,” you admit, before closing your eyes for a moment because while you were enjoying the exchange, you hands twitched due to his laugh with the thought of just going over to him and pulling him into a kiss. It was one of your more tamer thoughts when it came to Bucky as of recently, but this was something you needed to control -- for the sake of your friendship.

“Is the something wrong?”

“Nah,” you say softly and give him a bright smile, which he doesn’t completely believe but before he can say anything else on the subject.

“--Agent Romanoff and Mr. Wilson are waiting for you,” F.R.I.D.A.Y’s voice cuts in, as you quickly get up and Bucky wants to stop you, yell at you about taking better care of yourself -- that you can lean on him if need be. However, all that stops dead in his throat, as you start to walk out of the room.

“Doll,” he manages to saw, as you look at him with tired and hollow eyes but give him the brightest smile that you can -- Bucky knows that you are lying, but he’s too afraid ask what the major problem is behind your recent behavior.

“Yeah?” you answer back, looking back while standing close to the entrance way. Blue eyes watch you, completely mesmerized for a moment before putting everything he is feeling and trying to let out into two little words.

“Stay safe,” he says, as you nod with a crushed heart hoping he would have said something else.

Yet, as stated before, you are a reckless sort of thing that push your powers a little too far when you need the most, as you end up with a bullet in your shoulder in the latest mission with Nat and Sam, and unconscious for nearly 3 days as your healing ability tries to catch up with the damage done to your body. Bucky is a mess that only Sam and Steve are able handle, and then just barely as he watches for the hospital ward whenever he can and everything that he had been denying finally blooms in front of him.

“Steve, I think I’m…” Bucky explains what he is feeling towards you (what he is sure that he has felt for a long time under the disguise of friendship) to the blond, as Sam watches from the other side of the room a smug smile on his face as the blond just shakes his head.

“Well, took you long enough, Buck,” Steve says with a smile, as Sam laughs. Blue eyes take in his two best friends, as if they don’t understand the struggle he had been going through for the past couple of hours since he had seen you come back on a stretcher. And while, yes it was a serious situation both Sam and Steve already knew that you were going to pull through, and a little extra thing, that Bucky didn’t.

“You knew,” he questions before looking at Steve and then back to Sam.

“It’s been kinda of obvious for awhile, Tinman,” Sam chuckles out, “Just gotta wait for Sleeping Beauty to return your feelings.”

“And why do you think she would?” Bucky asks desperately, looking for any sign that you might feel something besides friendship towards him. Sam just keeps grinning.

“Think back to when she started taking all those missions.”

Bucky does think long and hard about the time a few months back that you started increasing how many missions you were going on and for a moment he decides that nothing is any different. You hung out, trained together, and you had even helped him decide how he was going to go dressed for his first date in quite a long time -- and there it is. He had started dating more actively and seeking your help to do so, by the 3rd you were out with Steve and Nat on a mission in Portugal and his time with you slowly decreasing. But, you couldn’t have the same feelings, could you?

The giddiness of such potential leaves Bucky sleepless into the 3rd day of your time in the medical ward, though you are awake and talking now. It isn’t until the middle of the night that he decides to finally visit you. And there you are sitting wide awake in your hospital bed, still a clear insomniac. He comes to stand near your bed, as you give him a timid smile.

“Hey Buck,” you reach out with your good arm as he takes your hand to have him sit as close as he can. The near death experience and your feelings wanting to have him closer than usual, even if just for a moment, “Been busy?”

Bucky can’t help but frown a little at the tone of your voice, as if you think he would be anywhere else but here, so for once he decides to voice it out, “I was just sorting some things out is all.”

“Like what?” you ask, almost afraid of what he has to say in the darkness of the medical ward.

“I just wanna know something, please” he asks timidly like a scolded child and you can’t help but hold his hand a bit tighter for a moment, “Have you been taking all these missions to avoid me?”

“I-I..and if I was?”

“Why would you do that?” Bucky questions, as you take a deep gulp of air trying not to break down right then and there.

“Because I realized that I didn’t wanna see you smiling or laughing with anyone that wasn’t me,” you admit, tears in the corners of your eyes when you realize you have his full attention, which all you have wanted for quite some time now, “ I want all of you, Bucky .”

Bucky waits until you are done talking for him to pull you in as much as he can. He grabs your cheek with his right hand, as you find yourself staring at sparkling blues that hold so much promise and feeling in them -- that wholeheartedly return your feelings. Your foreheads touch as he whispers softly if he can kiss you, which you eagerly do before he can. It’s a small peck on the lips that slowly turns hot and needy, as if savoring that you guys have finally discovered each other after being in denial for so long.

“God, I wanna murder someone,” you can’t help but groan out after breaking the kiss and moving your shoulder just a bit due to staying still in one place for such a long time, before laying back down.

“Maybe, when you’re medically cleared, doll,” Bucky grins, already planning some pranks for those teammates that had known about yours and his actual feelings, but in particular Sam who seemed to enjoy the constant state of limbo that Bucky had been placed over this.

“I guess we’ve been pretty stupid, huh?” you can’t help but admit bashfully, as Bucky sinks into the left side of your hospital bed, not wanting to let go of you for the rest of the night -- not, when he finally has you so close to him after such a long time.

“Just a little,” he laughs before looking down at your figure and thinking just how lucky he was, even if it came with some stupid moves on both your parts, which causes him to stop for a moment.

“Doll?” he questions, as you look at him, “We’re gonna have to talk about you running away from your feelings when ya get out. I don’t think my old heart can handle you visiting the hospital ward again.”

You look at him, slack jawed and full of embarrassment before agreeing with another kiss to seal the deal.

#softhairbarnes750 #james buchanan barnes x reader #james bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky banes fan fic #bucky barnes fan fic #series: short stories #fabiola trying to write

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notbigondoors · 3 years

Note

(For WV Vis, think of it as a super short interview once they get to the house for the last time, before Wanda undoes the Hex) Do you know what is about to happen, Vision? How do you feel? She's not only doing this to you, but also to your kids. Do you not want to protect them?

“Yes, I know what is about to happen. I feel... oddly at peace with it. I understand now that I don’t really belong here. I may not fully understand what came before Westview or all that Wanda has suffered, but I know it has been a long and agonizing journey for her to have created so much from pure pain alone. It cannot and should not continue, regardless of what that means for me.

“With regard to the boys, of course I would want to protect them, but I can’t. My journey is ending, and so I won’t be here to protect them any longer. But I have immense faith and trust in Wanda. I know that she will not let them go for very long. Her love for them surpasses even her love for me. I know she will not rest until she has worked out a viable solution for their recovery and ultimate safety. I believe as much in her desire to save and protect them as I do in her ability to bring it about.

“I have the easier road here. I am leaving this world, and because of that, I will not have to linger with the pain of loss the way Wanda will. My hope for her... my greatest desire... is that she will find a way to be at peace with herself and the great losses that she has suffered. I want nothing more than for her to process her emotions in a healthier manner, to recover the boys, and move on with her life. I have faith in her that she will be able to accomplish that.”

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go-redgirl · 4 years

Photo

Mike Pence Moves to Seal Deal for Trump in Sunshine State: ‘Road To Victory Runs Right Through Florida’

ORLANDO, Florida—Vice President Mike Pence rallied at a Latinos for Trump event here on Saturday as President Donald Trump now leads his Democrat opponent former Vice President Joe Biden in the Sunshine State.

“It’s great to be back in the Sunshine State with some great Americans who are going to drive a victory here in Florida and all across America,” Pence said as he took the stage here at Central Christian University. “Thank you, Latinos for Trump. I’m here for one reason, and one reason only: because Florida, and America, need four more years of Donald Trump in the White House. The road to victory runs right through Florida.”

Pence’s campaign swing through central Florida during which Breitbart News is traveling with him and is scheduled to interview him—he is also leading a Make America Great Again rally in the Villages later in the day—comes as the vice president has emerged as the Trump-Pence ticket’s top campaigner while the president continues his recovery from the coronavirus in the White House.

Other Trump campaign leaders and first family surrogates have also stepped up campaign activities as part of what the team calls “Operation MAGA.” Donald Trump Jr., the president’s eldest son, for instance is hitting the trail aggressively this coming week with more than two dozen scheduled events crisscrossing the nation.

Trump is scheduled to later on Saturday hold his first public event, at the White House, since contracting the virus. Trump was diagnosed a little over a week ago—last Thursday—and then later was transferred last weekend to Walter Reed hospital to begin his recovery.

After beginning his treatment there with a dose of Regeneron’s antibody cocktail medication, and treatment with remdesivir and the steroid dexamethosone, Trump returned to the White House earlier this week to continue his recovery. He began working again mid-week, visiting the Oval Office, and has also now started conducting interviews again as Friday he appeared on Rush Limbaugh’s and Mark Levin’s respective nationally broadcast radio programs as well as giving his first on-camera interview to Fox News’s Dr. Marc Siegel, which aired Friday evening on Tucker Carlson Tonight. Trump will resume campaigning on Monday with a rally nearby here, in Sanford, Florida, his first time back on the trail since the infection.

But in the meantime, Pence—who earlier this week debated Democrat vice presidential contender Sen. Kamala Harris (D-CA) in Salt Lake City, Utah—is the top dog out there for the Trump campaign. This weekend Florida swing comes after a Thursday post-debate campaign trip to Arizona and Nevada, western states the president split with Democrat Hillary Rodham Clinton in 2016. Trump won the former, and Clinton won the latter.

“I don’t know if you all got to see it, but I was just in Utah the other night—we had a little debate with Kamala Harris,” Pence told the cheering crowd here in Orlando. “Some people think we did alright. But I want to clear: From where I was sitting, that debate was not just a debate between two candidates for vice president. It was a debate between two visions for America. Joe Biden and Kamala Harris want higher taxes, open borders, socialized medicine; they want to abolish fossil fuels, and use taxpayer funding to pay for abortion.

They want to defund the police. President Donald Trump’s vision is a little bit different. President Trump says rebuild our military. We cut taxes; we rolled back regulations, unleashed American energy, secured our border, supported law enforcement, life and liberty and the Constitution of the United States. When you compare the Biden-Harris agenda with our agenda, the choice is clear. If you cherish faith and freedom and law and order and life, then we need four more years of President Donald Trump in the White House.”

Pence’s team is riding high into the Sunshine State, too, as the latest public polling here shows Trump leading Biden in the final weeks by three points. That poll, from Fox35, correctly predicted the 2008 and 2016 elections.

It show Trump performing strongly among Hispanic and black voters, but like other surveys it shows the president’s ticket underperforming 2016 numbers among seniors—a demographic that Biden is making a push for. Pence is working to hit both key demographics—Hispanics and seniors—with his pair of campaign events here on Saturday.

Helping energize Hispanic voters for the president are multiple factors, including a key endorsement in recent weeks from Puerto Rico’s Gov. Wanda Vazquez Garced—an endorsement Pence hyped here—and strong support in the Cuban community in the state. Pence also made a key point to hype Trump’s word against Nicolas Maduro’s regime in Venezuela, and standing up the communists in Cuba.

“Under President Donald Trump, we have stood for freedom across this hemisphere for all freedom-loving people,” Pence told the Latinos for Trump rally-goers here. “Under President Trump’s leadership, the United States was the first nation on earth to recognize President Juan Guaido as the only legitimate president of Venezuela.

Under this president, America has been clear: Maduro must go and America will stand with the people of Venezuela. Under Joe Biden as vice president, he served at a time when America was appeasing the communist regime in Havana. President Donald Trump kept the promise that he made to Cuban Americans when he reversed the failed policies of the last administration toward Cuba. In this White House, it will always be Que Viva Cuba Libre.”

When Joe Biden was Vice President, America appeased the communist regime in Havana. President @realDonaldTrump kept his promise to Cuban Americans when he reversed the failed policies of the last administration. In this @WhiteHouse, it will always be que viva Cuba libre!3:22 PM · Oct 10, 2020

He also hyped economic successes the Trump administration has delivered for Hispanics.

“Nearly half of the jobs that were created in our first three years went to Hispanic Americans,” Pence said. “That’s what we call promises made and promises kept. So I’m excited to talk to you about that and see the enthusiasm here today on this cool and breezy day in Florida.

President Trump is keeping his promises. It’s why Puerto Rico Gov. Wanda Vazquez Garced just endorsed President Donald Trump for re-election as President of the United States. This week, the governor of Puerto Rico asked people in that territory to vote for who’s been there for Puerto Rico in its most difficult moments. She said very plainly it is Donald Trump.

She thanked the president for rebuilding Puerto Rico not just with words but with actions. She said thanks to the president’s leadership, pharmaceutical manufacturing is coming back to the island. China is fired and Puerto Rico is hired.”

These events along the I-4 corridor, which stretches from Daytona through Orlando down to Tampa, are key to the Trump team wooing seniors back from clutches of Biden and the Democrats. A key focus from Pence’s messaging on the trail is zoning in on just how radical the left truly is, and what that would mean for the general public if Biden and Harris were to win and be able to implement their agenda.

That’s something Pence focused on in Wednesday’s debate with Harris, putting her on the hot seat on court-packing, fracking, China, and her questionable-at-best record as a prosecutor in San Francisco and in California.

The vice president’s trip here also comes less than two days before Judge Amy Coney Barrett is set to begin her confirmation hearings before the Senate Judiciary Committee on Monday morning, after Trump nominated her a couple weeks ago to be the next Associate Justice of the U.S. Supreme Court. Democrats and the establishment media have unleashed a barrage of vicious attacks against Barrett, targeting her faith and even her adopted children, in what is expected to be a fierce showdown in the Senate and in the public eye just before the election.

“Last month as a nation we paused to honor the life and service of Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg,” Pence told the cheering crowd here. “When the memorials were over, President Trump fulfilled his duty under the Constitution of the United States and he nominated a principled, brilliant, conservative woman who believes in the Constitution to the Supreme Court. He nominated Judge Amy Coney Barrett.”

As “Fill That Seat” chants broke out among the crowd, Pence turned and promised them that Trump and the GOP-controlled Senate will get it done. “Let me make you a promise: After the Senate gets done with the advisement and consent, we’re going to fill that seat,” Pence told the crowd which erupted in applause.

“I got to tell you, I’m a big fan of Judge Amy Coney Barrett—not just because she’s from Indiana, but she’s a truly remarkable person,” Pence continued. “She deserves a dignified hearing, a dignified and respectful hearing in the United States Senate. But, men and women, we have reason to be concerned. You all remember when she was appointed to the court of appeals just two years ago, the Democrat chairman of the Judiciary Committee criticized her Catholic faith. Sen. Dianne Feinstein said ‘the dogma lives loudly within you.’

Hollywood elites have already begun to criticize Judge Barrett and her family for their faith. Well, I got news for the Democrats and their friends in Hollywood: That dogma lives loudly in me. That dogma lives loudly in you. That’s the right to live and to worship according to the dictates of our faith lives loudly in the Constitution of the United States.”

The president has the lead in Florida—and its 29 electoral votes are crucial to his path to re-election. Assuming the president can keep Georgia, Texas, and Arizona red—those are three traditionally red states that Biden and Democrats hope to flip—and hold onto Iowa, Ohio, North Carolina, and here in Florida, along with Maine’s Second District, he would be one state away from locking down a second term in the White House.

Public polling out of Georgia and Texas show those two states firmly back in the president’s column, after months of concern on both, and Arizona seems to be trending back that way too with a recent Trafalgar Group poll this week showing Trump back in the lead there.

The Trump campaign feels so confident about Iowa and Ohio, too, that they pulled down television ad buys in both states to focus resources more effectively elsewhere. North Carolina’s public polling has been shifting back Trump’s way, too, all while the Democrats’ U.S. Senate candidate there Cal Cunningham is rocked by a serious sexting scandal that has found him under investigation by the U.S. Army Reserves for the inappropriate relationship with an enlisted serviceman’s wife.

Public polling out of Maine’s Second District, from the Bangor Daily News, shows the president with a healthy 8 percent lead over Biden. If Trump holds all those plus all the other traditional red states together, he would be at 260 electoral votes and winning just any one of the upper rust belt states—Pennsylvania, Michigan, Wisconsin, or Minnesota—would put him over the top of the required 270 electoral votes necessary to win re-election.

Despite establishment media whining to the contrary, Biden’s campaign seems to understand this predicament—if Trump holds that core together, he would need to four-for-four in the upper rust belt to win—as evidenced by the former vice president’s campaign schedule. While he spent a large chunk of September not actually campaigning—Biden regularly calls a lid for the day well before lunchtime on the east coast—where he is spending his time when he does decide to campaign is indicative of what his campaign is concerned about.

Biden, for instance, is again campaigning on Saturday in Pennsylvania—the state he has spent most of his time in. He also has traveled for events in recent weeks to Minnesota and Wisconsin, and has only made one trip—the day after the vice presidential debate—to Arizona, where he joined his running mate Harris to counter Pence on the ground on Thursday, and barely spent any time here in Florida either.

Republicans feel very confident about Florida, given a voter registration advantage in the state this year as Republicans have outpaced Democrats about two-to-one in ground game efforts. Recent trends in the state, too, show it shifting redder as in recent years the GOP has won most statewide contests since Trump’s 2016 panhandle-fueled victory.

In 2018 in the midterm elections, despite a shellacking nationwide elsewhere when Democrats retook the majority in the U.S. House of Representatives, the GOP held the governor’s mansion as now Gov. Ron DeSantis fended off Democrat Andrew Gillum in a hard-fought battle and Republicans wiped out incumbent Democrat then-Sen. Bill Nelson (D-FL) as now-Sen. Rick Scott (R-FL) emerged victorious from that fight.

With the election just weeks away, and people nationwide already voting, surely anything can happen—especially in a state like Florida which despite its recent red-ward trend is still closely contested every go-around—but the Trump team believes this one is moving their way in the final days, a sigh of relief and a burst of energy for the president as he battles brutal national polls and an onslaught of attacks from his political opponents in the Democrat Party and the media.

What’s more, emerging signs of Trump’s strength—according to the RealClearPolitics breakdown of battleground state polling the president is doing nearly a full percent better than this day in 2016, all while Gallup has recorded a record-high level at 56 percent of Americans who believe they are better off today than four years ago—are a shot in the arm for the campaign in the home stretch. With sweltering heat in the high 80s beating down on the crowd outside, Pence mid-speech joked that he didn’t know who set up this event outdoors.

“But I’m ready to take the heat to drive a victory,” Pence said.

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hellomissmabel · 7 years

Text

The Red Queen (3/3)

MASTERLIST

Pairing: Nat x reader, Bucky x reader

Warnings: Major plot twist. Violence. Mentions of rape (please don’t read if this is not your cup of tea!) and sexual activity (if you look real close). Two girls kissing each other (idk if this shoud be a warning or not really).

Word count: 2.300

Summary: A small yet skilled art thief is drawn to the French Riviera to settle a score, only to be met with the surprise of a lifetime.

The prompt: The reader can erase memories, or so she thinks. In reality, she merely misplaces them. But those misplaced memories have to go somewhere, the only question is, where?

A/N: This is a mini series I’ve written while on the road. It’s not an AU (surprise surprise!) and I feel like I’m a bit rusty writing something else. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it @jurassicbarnes <3

Thank you Google Translate for the Russian translations.

Read part 1 here

Read part 2 here

“Will it hurt?”

You brush away a strand of brown hair that has fallen in front of his baby blues, shaking your head with a small smile. “You won’t feel a thing, Bucky.”

He looks a little more assured and nods, indicating he’s ready. “Okay,” Bucky exhales slowly, taking your hands in his and squeezing them gently. “Let’s do this, doll.”

It’s been a hectic 9 weeks, practising with Wanda to get your powers under control and walking on tiptoes whenever you’re around Natasha. She’s still very sceptic, very wary in your presence but this last week she’s been warming up more. Perhaps she’s finally accepted you’re the only one that can help Bucky. Or maybe she’s been keeping her distance for another, more personal reason.

It hasn’t escaped Natasha’s attention that there are quite a few similarities between the two of you. The same posture, the same jawline, the same right hook. Sure, she’s harder and tougher than you, because her skill comes from a much darker place, and her body undoubtedly has a much better physique thanks to the hands-on training schedule she upholds here at the compound.

But if they were to give you a wig and some contacts, few would notice the difference and it both frightens and turns her on. Because yes, she is attracted to you and has been since she first laid eyes on you.

Natasha watches you intently, joining the other Avengers behind the glass. Only you and Wanda are allowed inside, together with Bucky. Wanda has complete faith in your ability to give Bucky back his mind and ultimately, his life. And this faith extends to Bucky, too, with whom you’ve worked intensively for a little over 6 weeks.

“Remember that I trust you, Y/N,” he whispers softly as he brings your knuckles to his lips.

Steve can see Natasha stiffen from the corner of his eye as Sam rolls his eyes a little too dramatically. Of course Sam knew, he has an eye for these things, and Steve has always suspected there could’ve been something more going on between you and Bucky. But that it has escaped Natasha’s attention… He finds that very hard to believe, even though her reaction speaks of a different story.

Exhaling a shuddering breath, Bucky releases your hands. “You won’t feel a thing,” you assure him again as you cup his face. “In fact, you will feel absolutely nothing at all. No pain, no physical stimulation at all. No emotions either. It’ll be quick and the only thing you might experience is a slight sting as he enter and leave your mind.”

It’s nothing new, you’ve gone over this a million times already. But it calms Bucky’s nerves to more you repeat those words to him. “Close your eyes, Bucky,” you tell him kindly before pressing your lips to his forehead and entering his mind.

It doesn’t take you long to find the trigger words, embedded deep in the essence of his mind. Word for word you wipe it all out. First the trigger words, then the memories of all the people he hurt and killed. Eventually you move further and erase the entire existence of Hydra in his mind.

“Think of me when you look at the moon at night,” you mumble to his skin as you kiss his forehead again. “Remember that I could’ve loved you.”

Taking a step back, you watch him open his eyes again. His bright smile reveals that he didn’t hear anything of what you said to him, and maybe it’s for the best.

“How do you feel?,” Wanda inquires carefully as she comes to stand next to you.

“I – I’m not sure,” Bucky speaks quietly, his eyes going back and forth between you and Wanda. “Did it work?”

“Yes, it worked, Bucky,” you confirm in an equally soft voice. He reaches for your hand but you don’t let him take it, his fingers barely brushing yours as his hand falls limp on his knee.

Wanda coughs loudly and gives you a little pat on your shoulder. “Good job, Y/N. I knew you had it in you. I’ll give you two a minute before I tell the others they can come in.”

Smiling gratefully at the witch, your eyes follow her until she has left the room. Afraid to look at Bucky, you fixate on the floor instead. With his fingertip, he carefully lifts up your chin and tells you to look at him.

“What’s wrong?,” he asks as he searches your eyes for the answer.

“We have ten minutes left.”

His eyes speak of confusion before his features even out and return to the stone-like expression he carried when you first met. “You’re leaving. Today?”

“Natasha…,” you try to reason with him, trying to make him understand. “I got the feeling she didn’t want me around anymore and I don’t want to cross her, so I made arrangements…”

Bucky stands up and moves away from you. “Thank you, Y/N,” he mumbles under his breath, turning the doorknob.

“You’re welcome,” you whisper eventually, even though he has already left the room. If only you could confide in him about everything.

You’re waiting at the helicopter site, watching the starry night sky while thinking of Bucky. Yet soon your peaceful retreat is clouded by another presence, invading the silent cocoon you’ve created for yourself.

“I didn’t think you’d be leaving so soon,” she speaks in a hushed tone, afraid she’ll startle you. “I didn’t mean to scare you away.”

There’s a certain vulnerability to her words and it surprises you. She has lowered her guard, the infamous Black Widow is showing her kinder side to you and you can clearly sense it feels foreign to her to do so.

“You didn’t scare me away, Natasha,” you reply gently, finally locking eyes with the redhead. She smiles at you, a true and genuine smile. “I just don’t want to overstay my welcome.”

“I’m sorry if I’ve given you the wrong impression, Y/N. I – I do like you,” she tells me honestly. “I just – I still don’t quite understand.”

A mild breeze blows through her faint red curls when you turn your body to face her properly. “I’m afraid I don’t understand either.”

Taking a step closer, you brush away a stray curl like you did with Bucky, only with different intent. You instantly notice when she pulls up her walls again, flinching just an inch when the tip of your finger touches her cheek.

“You said you liked me?,” you ask her when you take another step towards her. “In what way, Nat?”

Giving the redhead no time to assess the situation, you slowly press your lips to hers, kissing her tentatively. You know, you’ve always known the assassin had a thing for you. From the moment you started training with Wanda and you caught her staring at you when she thought you were too concentrated you wouldn’t notice.

And the morning after you left Bucky’s sheets, when you heard her trash around things in her room, only further confirmed your suspicions. She is not one to easily show her emotions, but to you she is an open book. After all, you two are linked and for a very good reason, just not the one you’d expect.

As soon as she starts to give more of herself into the kiss, parting her lips so the tip of your tongue can fall in line with hers, you reach behind you and underneath your shirt. Your hands immediately find the double-edged blade you’ve kept concealed on your back.

Briefly, your mind wanders into hers and you erase all traces of you from her memory, breaking the link you’ve established between the two of you. She might not remember but your paths have crossed before, a long time ago when you were wandering the streets of Bucharest, shadowing Natasha during her pursuit for the Winter Soldier. All it took was one bump with your shoulder and the link had been established.

Afterwards, you gingerly slide the knife away from its hiding place and without further ado strike Natasha right in her chest cavity, in the space just underneath her heart. Her mouth falls open as she receives the first blow, pupils blown wide in both surprise and an emotion you can only describe as somewhere between hurt and hatred. Natasha falls to the floor and as you hover over her, you speak in perfect Russian.

“красная королева посылает ей привет.” (the red queen sends her regards)

With broken, laboured breaths she heaves out a string of insults and profanities. “почему ты это делаешь?” (why are you doing this?)

Crawling backwards on the floor, leaving behind a trail of deep crimson blood, Natasha tries to make her escape. She has some fight left in her but after your betrayal, she isn’t sure if she wants to fight back anymore.

“Y/N…,” she pleads with you, her spirit crushing a second time as you stab her again and she cries out in agony.

“The man who saved me from being swallowed by the sea,” you give her another jab to her side, “He worked for the same people who trained you.” Stab. “They raped me first.” Stab. “To make me obedient.”

The knife sinks deep into her skin and she has to bite her tongue not to scream. Nobody will hear her anyway, all too busy raising their glasses to Bucky’s recovery a couple floors down. Her eyes turn glassier the more blood she loses, the more violent your attack becomes.

“Then they started their experiments, making me their freak. And after their experiments had proven to be successful, they started to operate on me. I know you noticed the similarities long before I did.”

“Why me?,” the redhead whispers faintly, her eyes fluttering closed.

“I asked myself the same question over and over again. Why me?,” you mimic in her feeble voice. “Because we have the same body type? Maybe. Possibly.”

“Why?,” she repeats softly, already losing consciousness faster than anticipated.

“Because what happens in the red room, stays in the red room. And you didn’t follow your orders, Natasha Romanoff. So you see, they needed someone to tie up some loose ends. And when I washed up on shore like a perfect little present, all that was missing was some gift-wrapping to make it complete.”

Kneeling next to Natasha, your jeans stained by her blood, you grip her hair tightly in the same fashion she gripped yours when she rammed your face into the steering wheel. You bittersweet irony makes you grin wickedly in anticipation of the kill.

“They created me in your image, Nattie, and called me the red queen.”

Holding the knife to her throat, you violently turn her head to you when she threatens the pass out. “If I finish you off, I get my freedom back. But don’t worry about your friends…,” you coo softly into her ear, “By the end of the party nobody will remember you. It will be like you never even existed, bitch.”

“No,” she resists weakly, coughing up blood. “You won’t succeed.”

Smirking darkly at the blind faith she puts in her friends, you press the knife closer to her neck. “Goodbye, Natasha.” The first cut draws a sliver of warm blood, the drops running down her cleavage and onto your hand. “Take one last look at the new Black Widow.”

You have every intention of slicing her throat right there and then, but something in her eyes slows you down. It’s not an emotion, soaring in the space between hurt and hatred. It’s not love nor anger, but pure and unadulterated acceptance. She has accepted that this is her end and you must admit it graces her.

This, however, is your fatal mistake. In those few seconds you remove the pressure of the knife, too caught up in your thoughts, Natasha kicks up her head and it collides with yours. With a strangled cry you stumble back and fall from your knees onto your back, but you quickly recover and jump back to your feet. Unfortunately, this leaves Natasha with enough leeway to grab the knife that has clattered to the ground and twist it into your heart.

“меня никто не заменяет (nobody replaces me),” she hisses lowly as she presses the knife further into your heart, putting all her remaining strength into it. “ты мне нравилась.” (I liked you)

Natasha groans when you claw at her, you nails leaving red marks on her arms. “И я мог бы полюбить тебя, моя дорогая.” (And I could’ve loved you, my dear)

You can’t reply, any and all witty comebacks drawn from your lips as the air is knocked out of your lungs. She must’ve read your lips as you whispered those exact same words to Bucky. The only thing you can croak out is “fuck you”.

It is only when your dead body slumps to the cold floor, she releases the strained sobs she’s been holding in through this entire ordeal. Through the tears she searches for the phone that dropped out of your pocket, scanning the numbers for Bucky’s.

In bits and pieces, she cries into the phone. “Bucky… Y/N… she was a spy… sent to kill me…”

Through the cracking of the phone, she can hear the crowd go silent and she knows they’re all listening in. As she’s trying to stop the bleeding, having teared off a piece of fabric from her clothes, Bucky’s concern fills her hazy mind.

He asks her where she is, her voice ebbing away as she tries to reply. He tells her to stay with him, that help is on the way, but she fails to reply as everything goes dark, Bucky’s voice screaming into her ear.

Epilogue

Tagging: @avengerofyourheart @a-little-hell-to-raise @marvelingatthewonder @mrshopkirk @hardcorehippos @knittingknerdy @winterboobaer @italwaysendsinafightt @viollettes @myserium @feelmyroarrrr @justareader @austinamelio @volklana @4theluvofall @bovaria @themcuhasruinedme @theoneandonlysaucymo @caplanbuckybarnes @nenyakj @amrita31199 @emilyevanston @minervaem @howlingbarnes @buchananbarnestrash @youandb @you-and-bucky @fvckingsteverogers @thatawkwardtinyperson @that-sokovian-bastard @abovethesmokestacks @marvelrevival @marvel-fanfiction @justanotherbuckydevotee @barnes-heaven @heartmade-writingbucky @buckyywiththegoodhair @captnbarnesrogers @mellifluous-melodramas @its-not-a-phase-hux @melconnor2007 @ivvitm1109 @toofuckinfabulous @ailynalonso15 @jurassicbarnes @hollycornish @delicatecapnerd @camigt1999 @learisa @curlyexpat @palaiasaurus64 @fanndas-snow-goddess @crisssivonne @yourenotrogers @tomhollandzs @supernaturaldean67

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marvelous-heroimagines · 7 years

Text

Collateral Damage

Requested by: Anonymous (Here are the specifics)

Pairing: Reader x Steve Word Count: 2.2K Warnings: Angst, swearing, fluff, paralysis

A/N: Reader is basically War Machine. In this oneshot, Rhodey retired the suit to her.

This was longer than I expected!

You knew that choosing Tony’s side was the ultimate betrayal, but you’d made your choice. No matter how many times you tried to reason with Steve, he refused to see your logic. Your parents had died in the Battle of New York; not because of the Chitauri, but because they were crushed by falling debris that the Hulk that rained down on the city in his mindless attempt to stop the alien invaders. You had never blamed Bruce, or any of the Avengers, for your parents’ death; but when limitations came into question, you were one of the first to sign the Accords. You didn’t want anyone else to go through losing their parents if it was avoidable.

As sound as your logic seemed to you, Steve couldn’t follow your lead. He was choosing to defend his childhood friend, and you couldn’t blame him for that. Bucky was the only family Steve still had. You’d heard all about Bucky, from Steve’s countless stories, and knew that he wasn’t behind the Vienna attacks. So when he fled the country to save his friend - after failing to convince you to join him - there was nothing you could do. You’d chosen your side, and your boyfriend had chosen his.

Never did you think that choosing the opposite side would pit you against the man you loved. You were forced to fight Steve, Sam, Wanda and Clint - people you now considered family - and it made your stomach twist with every thrown punch or fired repulsor.

The fight was winding down, and when you heard that Nat had let Steve and Bucky get away on the quinjet you were relieved. But then Tony’s orders barked in your ear.

“Y/N! Stop them,”

You swallow back the nausea of having to, possibly, shoot your boyfriend out of the sky and you fly into the air, your sights set on the quinjet that was fading into the distance.

“I’m sorry,” you whisper entirely to yourself as you chase Steve and Bucky,

“You’ve got Falcon on your 6,” the A.I. in your suit informs you. You ignore its warning, secretly hoping that Sam would catch up with you and bring you down.

Suddenly, a hot blast hits your chest. It didn’t bother you at first, the War Machine suit had taken worse hits, but then the A.I. interface that lined your mask goes black. The next second, you’re not flying through the air anymore. You’re falling.

“Tony!” you try to sound calm but your wavering voice gave away how scared you were, “I’m flying dead stick,”

Your heart hammers in your chest as you lose all sense of direction. You’re falling fast, and all you can see out of the suit’s eye holes is a blur of green and blue. You try your best to stay to calm, but you know it’s going to be a crash landing. Your eyes start to grow heavy as you rapidly fall, you were starting to lose consciousness.

Your descent mimics your heart beat, both going faster and faster. Then it’s all over. You black out within milliseconds of hitting the ground.

Your eyes feel heavy as you stir from unconsciousness. Before you can force them open, you hear a rhythmic beeping.

“She’s coming to,” you hear a strange voice call. You can’t tell where the voice is coming from, but it’s close.

Your eyes flutter open as a loud bang reverberates through the room. You’re in the Avenger’s compound’s infirmary. It wasn’t the first time you’d woken up here, but as your memories flood back, it was the first time you were scared to be here.

Rolling your head to the side, you try to shake off the drowsiness as you see Tony rush over to you. You remember the fight in Germany, having to chase after your boyfriend as he fled with his best friend, and falling from the sky while still in the War Machine suit. So, you lived the fall from thousands of feet in a metal coffin, that was a miracle within itself.

“Hey kiddo,” Tony coos, making your attention focus on him, “How’re you feeling?”

“Everything hurts,” you say, realising that it hurt to breathe. You’d definitely broken some ribs, “But I’m alive,”

Tony nods as his bottom lip is pulled between his teeth. He chews on it while his eyes dart down towards your legs. You can tell something’s wrong. Following his gaze, you hold your breath as scary thoughts start to run through your head. Luckily, the two mounds beneath the hospital blanket tell you that you still had both legs, and both feet.

“What’s wrong?” you question, your eyes sliding back to stare at Tony’s worried expression,

“You’ve been in a coma for 3 days,” he breathes out, “We did as many tests and scans as we could in that time...” he stops as his eyes dart to the end of your bed again.

A crease forms between your brows, and you follow his stare once more. You almost jump when you see a doctor - someone you’d never met before, probably the best money could buy - poking your feet with his pen. You hadn’t even felt the cold breeze when the doctor had exposed your feet from beneath the blanket and sheets.

Silence falls over the room as you watch the doctor continue to prod your toes. You hold your breath as he starts running the pen up and down the soles of your feet. His eyes dart up to meet your stare, and you see a worried look in his eyes.

Your heart rate picks up as you realise, you couldn’t feel his pen. And you couldn’t feel the cool air on your toes or legs.

“Tony,” you say with a shaky voice, “Why can’t I feel that?”

“It’s as we suspected,” the doctor speaks to Tony, avoiding your desperate stare, “Complete paralysis from the waist down,”

Your shallow breathing hitches in your throat, and you feel like you’re going to be sick. Your eyes dart back to Tony, who only hangs in head.

“I’m so sorry,” he mumbles, his voice cracking on the apology, “I never meant for this to happen,”

You’re silent for what feels like hours. The two men don’t speak, probably letting you process everything.

“Is Steve okay?” is the first thing you say.

Tony’s head snaps up, a frown already in place, “What?”

“Are Steve and Bucky okay?” you say with a stronger voice, “Did they get to Siberia? Did they stop Zemo from reactivating the remaining Soldiers?”

Tony pulls a chair up to your bed, “Y/N, that can’t be the first question you’re asking?” he almost scoffs,

“Tell me what happened?”

Tony tells you everything. How the real psychologists body was found, and he immediately flew to Siberia, to help his Captain, how the other Winter Soldiers had a been a ruse and Zemo was wanting Tony and Steve to kill each other; how Steve defeated Tony, defending Bucky; and how T’Challa flew Tony back to the States just in time to hear about your injuries.

“I’ve got to see him,” you say after Tony’s monologue, “Where is he?”

“Steve?” Tony questions. You only stare at him and nod once, “I don’t know,” he sighs.

Your stomach drops. Steve was out there somewhere, and if he knew about your accident, he’d be beating himself up about it.

“The moment he contacts us. You’re taking me to him,” it wasn’t a question. It was a demand,

“How do you know-?”

“It’s Steve,” you cut Tony off. He just sighs and gives you a small nod.

There was a chance you’d be able to walk again, but it wouldn’t be a quick and easy road to recovery. It only took Tony 2 days to work up a prototype that allowed you to walk - kind of. You called them robot legs, and they were heavy and bulky; although still smaller than the bottom half of the War Machine suit, and you’d been trying to use them everyday. The physical therapy was exhausting; not just physically, but mentally. But you kept at it, determined to walk again. And the therapy gave you something to concentrate on other than Steve.

“These are version 7,” Tony explains as he helps you out of your wheelchair. He’d made a prototype everyday, in the hopes that the next version would do the trick, “Tell me if you think of any way to improve them,”

You lean heavily on Tony as he helps you to the parallel bars that assisted your physical therapy. You were strong before, but now you had more upper body strength than ever - having to rely on your arms to transport you everywhere. But it still wasn’t enough. You can only manage to take 3 steps without the parallel bars before you fall to the floor.

Tony tries to help you, but you push him off; your pride getting the better of you. A sudden knock on the glass window draws both of your attentions. An elderly man dressed in a Fed-Ex uniform is squinting through his glasses at the two of you - still crouched on the floor.

“Are you Tony... Stank?” the man shouts. Tony immediately groans while you crack up laughing. It was the first time you’d laughed since the Accords. It felt strange to laugh, but good.

Tony reluctantly signs for the package while your eyes are trained on it, your stomach flipping with excitement.

“It’s Steve,” you conclude. Tony hums a confirmation as his eyes scan a letter.

Still on the ground, you reach up and snatch the package out of his hands. An old mobile phone falls out. This was it. You were finally going to be able to see your boyfriend again.

The quinjet lands softly, and you’re already set to roll down the cargo door before it even opens. But when it does, you freeze. There he was, staring at you, tears already in his eyes.

Your face lights up, and you move your wheelchair faster than ever before to get to Steve, “Oh my god, you’re okay!” you gush, staring up at his tall frame.

He doesn’t say anything. He stares at you for the longest time, a strangled, stifled sob coming from his throat. You were so excited to see Steve that you had completely forgotten that seeing you in a wheelchair was going to be a new thing for him.

“Hey,” you coo, bringing his gaze to your eyes, “I’m okay,”

Steve still remains silent, and for the first time you notice T’Challa standing a few steps behind.

“Let’s go inside,” the Wakandan King suggests. You nod and wheel yourself after him.

T’Challa’s house - or rather palace - was exquisite. But your attention was solely on Steve, walking beside you; shoulders slumped and eyes staring at the ground. T’Challa leads the two of you to a room with couches and lounge chairs - probably one of thousands - and quietly leaves you and Steve alone.

Steve is frozen at the door, his eyes glued to your chair. So you take the lead, wheeling yourself over to the largest couch and parking your wheelchair beside it. He stares at your chair while you stare at him, neither of you speaking or moving for quite some time.

“Babe,” you finally break the silence, “Please come sit,”

Steve obeys your requests, but still seems uncomfortable as he sits on the end of the couch. He’s avoiding your gaze, but you notice tears in his eyes. Silently, you hook a finger under his chin and force him to look at you.

“I’m okay,” you reassure his silent worry,

“No, you’re not,” he speaks for the first time, “You’re paralysed,”

“Not forever,” it wasn’t exactly a lie, but you didn’t need to get into specifics right now, “Hey,” you say again when his gaze moves, focusing on the wall behind you. Your voice makes him look at you again, eyes red and puffy from tears, “Trust me, I’m okay,”

Steve just shakes his head, “I fucked everything up,”

“There’s always going to be collateral damage in a war,” you intended to lighten the mood, but your words do the opposite, a strangled cry coming from your boyfriends throat,

“I never wanted you to get hurt,” he tells you,

“I know, honey,” your voice soft and light, “I don’t blame you,”

“You should,”

“Well, I’m stubborn like that,” Steve stares at you. After a few moments of smirking at your boyfriend, he finally lets a light, short lived chuckle emerge, “I made my choice. I was fighting for what I believed was right, and I paid a price. I’m the only one to blame... And maybe Vision’s terrible aim,” Steve lets another soft chuckle sound from his lips, and you see him finally start to relax, “I love you, Steven Rogers, and I would never blame you for something that you didn’t have a hand in,”

Steve nods, finally accepting your words. Grasping his face, you pull him towards you so that you can finally kiss him. He softens further at your touch, and lets a strong hand run through your hair. His forehead comes to rest on yours when the kiss finishes.

“What now?” Steve whispers, his eyes closed as he rests on you,

“I’ve got cool robot legs I want to show you,” you say playfully, making him chuckle and shake his head.

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