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#Mal finds it hilarious
nami-moittli · 4 months
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anukkuna · 6 months
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POV Ölßner: Wenn der verdammte Austauschkommissar, der dir eh gegen den Strich geht, anfängt, mit dem Typen zu flirten, mit dem deine Frau durchbrennen wollte.
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maldito-arbol · 20 days
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Forgot to post these little goobers with chapter 9 so here they are now, and while I’m at it, here’s a doodle dump for my tumblr peeps who are starved for content
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I may or may not have been brainrotting over the gems because of the upcoming Strength chapter shhhhh
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Plus a little doodle of Pozole, who you will also meet in Strength chapter. He appears in exactly 2 scenes and will never appear again but i love him so much
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hexenwrites · 1 year
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Diego: Why is Mal crying? Carlos: She saw a leaf on the sidewalk and- Mal: IT LOOKED SO CRUNCHY! Diego: Please don’t say what I think you’re gonna say- Mal: AND WHEN I STEPPED ON IT THERE WAS NO CRUNCH! Diego: NO, NOT THAT!
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luxthestrange · 8 days
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TWST Incorrect quotes#694 That pie-
Malleus's scary dog privileges allow you to walk on night unafraid...so you treat him to McDonald's...
Yuu*Unwrapping their McDonald's apple pie*Careful, Mcdonald's apple pies are always a little hot
Mal*With an apple pie and putting his toy in his pocket nods as he takes a bite as soon as you take yours*!?!?
Yuu*Eyes widen as you bite into it*-OH, JESUS CHRIST!?
Mal*Covering his mouth also in pain*Ah-Sevens-why in blazes do they do that!
Yuu*Cursing and fanning tongue out*I DONT KNOW!?AAAAH AAA...haaaa
Yuu*Looks at Pie and sighs*...Probably cooled off by now, Thought...*Bites into it, and it is STILL HOT*OH GODDAMMIT!?-oh!
You accidentally throw it to the floor towards a couple of crumbled newspapers...and it catches on fire
Yuu*Look at it surprised*...
Mal*Also taken aback and huddling closer to you*...
Yuu:...this fudging goddamn night-
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I juSt find it HILARIOUS...that mal-mal being a dragon that spits fire...is beaten by a those SCORCHING pies-A MCDONALDS APPLE PIE IS HOTTER THEN A DAMN DRAGON BREATH-
Part 3 of:
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Oops
Azriel x f!Reader
Masterlist.
Summary; Azriel finally meets his mate but quickly regrets it when he finds out how energetic, excited and clumsy she is.
Warnings; mentions of injury. Swearing. Traumatized Cassian.
Just a quick thought I had last night.
Azriel was obsessed with finding his mate so when he finally found you he was ecstatic and then… horrified. He really started to believe that the cauldron was probably caring for his well-being by keeping you hidden. It probably wanted him to live for some years because now that he met you he doubted he would survive long. You were unbearable, insufferable and the reason he had at least one heart attack every day. He couldn’t understand how you could be so naive, energetic and excited every damn minute. Add clumsy to that recipe and there you have it… disaster. He had to remove all his weapons from the rooms you used too, then simple objects like a table lamp became an issue so he got rid of them too. He wondered if he had to remove all the furniture from his room and just leave a mattress on the floor. His shadows were sticking on his side every night exhausted from keeping an eye on you, they looked so desperate that he pitied them. 
✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧
Azriel was on a mission and you were feeling bored, so you decided to see if Cassian wanted to hang out. You knocked on his bedroom door and waited, bouncing up and down from the anticipation. You heard some rustling and then the door opened. 
“Hey sweetie what’s up?” Cassian smiled when he saw you.
“Az went on a mission and I’m bored” you pouted “wanna hang out?” 
“Yes give me a second to get my shoes” he said and walked back into his room. 
When he came back you decided to go to the city and stroll around.
It was a busy day so the streets were filled with people, you watched as everyone walked around and a burst of energy hit you like a wave. 
“I’ll race you to the square” you yelled and took off. Cassian hot on your heels as he screamed “oh it’s on” 
Everyone jumped out of your way, their eyes wide and their jaws open. Usually you had to push your way through crowd but now that you had an Illyrian giant running behind you they were horrified. 
Just as you were reaching the square you tripped and landed face-first on the ground with a scream. Cassian tried to jump over you since he wasn’t able to stop but he couldn’t so he fell on top of you with a grunt. You felt the air leaving your lungs and groaned.
“Oh no, sweetie are you okay?” Cassian’s voice was soft as he rolled to the ground next to you, his expression panicked.
“Yeah I just…need…a moment…. to catch… my breath” you said between pants.
The general smiled and rubbed your back. 
After a while you pushed yourself up, a grin appearing on your face as you cheered “what’s next?” 
Cassian frowned and stared.
“What?” You asked.
“You want more?” He choked.
“Of course” you giggled and grabbed his arm pulling him with you. 
You guided him in an abandoned building that had been destroyed when the Hybern army attacked the city. You climbed to the roof and sat there.
“The view here is incredible” you said and stared the people passing by the street beneath you.
“You live in the house of wind where the view is a million times better” Cassian snorted.
“Yes but I can’t see the expressions on their faces” you shrugged and pointed at the people beneath you.
You were kicking your legs as you explained to Cassian that you liked to sit here and make stories about the passing by faeries.
“See that kid there? Well he has a crush on the store owner’s daughter so every day he goes there and buys an ice cream just to see her” 
“You can’t know that” Cassian exclaimed.
“No but that’s the fun part of the game… you can make your own stories” 
So you spent the rest of the day there, Cassian’s stories were hilarious and you were in tears, your abdomen aching from laughing so hard.
“Okay okay look at her” he pointed at a female who was running down the street “she had an awful first date with a stingy male and he took her to an old and cheap restaurant and now she has explosive diarrhea and she’s rushing home”
You burst into laughter and leaned forward, you couldn’t breathe and suddenly you lost your balance slipping from the roof and falling into the void. Cassian gasped and jumped, his wings flaring behind him but he wasn’t quick enough and with a groan you landed on your back and darkness engulfed you.
✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧
When you opened your eyes again you were met with the familiar sight of the ceiling in your shared room with Azriel. 
“You’re awake” a feminine voice said.
You snapped your head in the direction of the voice and felt dizzy by the sudden move.
“Easy y/n… you were hurt” you squinted and saw Madja by your side.
“How are you feeling sweetheart?” She smiled.
“Everything hurts” you croaked.
“I know you are completely bruised and you have a few broken ribs” she caressed your head “I left a tonic here it should help with the pain… if you need something ask someone to come get me” 
“Okay…” you mumbled and she left. You closed your eyes and let sleep take over.
✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧
“Where the fuck is she?” Someone’s deep voice boomed through the house and you could swear the floor trembled. 
You opened your eyes and tried to listen.
“I don’t give a fuck Cassian, I will handle you when I’m sure that she is okay” it wasn’t just someone’s deep voice but your favorite one, your mate’s. 
You heard loud footsteps getting closer and you tried to sit up, a groan leaving you. The door burst open and Azriel ran to you.
“Are you okay?” He looked like a mess, his eyes were red with black circles beneath them, his hair tangled and his lips looked dry and chapped.
“Are YOU okay?” You asked and grabbed his jaw, hissing at the pain when you lifted your arm.
“I’m okay just tired, I flew as fast as I could to get here” he sighed “where does it hurt? What did Madja say? Do you need something?” He asked in one breath.
“Az calm down I’m okay, just bruised and a few broken ribs. Nothing I can’t handle… I’ve had worse” you smiled.
He snorted at the statement and pressed his forehead against yours.
“Yeah I know you had worse… you are going to be the death of me” he whispered and grabbed your hand placing it on his chest. His heart was beating so fast and hard that you thought it would explode.
“I’m sorry” you mumbled.
“It’s okay… I love your clumsy annoying self” he smiled.
He crawled into bed but kept some distance between the two of you afraid that he was going to hurt you. He was facing you with a longing expression and he draped a protective wing over you. 
✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧
Morning came and you woke up with Azriel by your side staring at you. 
“Good morning angel” he smiled when you opened your eyes.
“Morning handsome” you mumbled and leaned closer to him. 
“How are you feeling?” He asked and brushed his palm over your cheek. 
“Better, I think with a little help I can get up” you smiled and he groaned earning a confused look from you.
“Here we go again… You were safe here in bed now I have to chase you around all day” he sighed and you giggled.
“I want to go to Cassian and tell him that I’m okay. I don’t want him to feel sad and guilty” you confessed and Azriel growled.
“Come on Az it’s not his fault. I’ve been hurt multiple times around you and I don’t blame you” you pleaded.
“Okay but I think that he is terrified of you, I heard him say that you are not normal” he murmured and got up. 
He helped you get up and guided you to Cassian’s room, you knocked and waited. 
Rustling and then silence.
“Come on Cassie it’s me” you shouted 
Then you heard a gasp and the door locked. And then a high pitched scream 
“Be gone demon” 
Azriel’s lips were a tight line as he nodded and then said “yup traumatized” 
I have some things to do today so I won't be able to post. Requests are open but delayed!
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lnfours · 9 months
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london bristol boy | l.n
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summary: hi! would it be possible to get a second part of Daylight? maybe Charles finding out or Lando telling Charles? that would be so good. I love your writing❤️ thank you so much! - @powerfulmess
warnings: fluff, a bit of awkwardness, language, slightly protective!charles, loving boyfriend!lando, leclerc!reader
masterlist | part 1 | ask box | listen
₊‧°𐐪♡𐑂°‧₊
charles didn’t know what to expect when maman had told him you were bringing your new boyfriend to family dinner. he expected someone normal, someone you might’ve met through a friend or a dating app or something.
but when one of his friends walked through the door, one hand on your waist and the other holding your mothers favorite flowers, he couldn’t help the steam almost pouring out of his ears.
on the other hand, arthur thought it was hilarious.
“you owe me twenty dollars,” arthur smirked and charles rolled his eyes.
“you knew?”
“anyone with eyeballs could tell they were into each other,” he said, “you’re just oblivious.”
you and lando made your way over to the couch, your brothers hugging and greeting you. lando stuffed his hands in his pockets, giving a tight lipped smile to a not so happy looking charles. arthur gave him a pat on the back, going to help in the kitchen.
“good luck, mate,”
lando nodded at him, mumbling a sarcastic, “yeah, thanks mate,”
“charles,” you pulled your brothers attention from your boyfriend, “can i speak with you for a second?”
he nodded, following you outside. you closed the door and sent lando a small reassuring smile. he gave you a nervous one back, silently saying ‘please don’t leave me alone in here for long’.
you looked over at your brother, “i’m sorry, we should’ve told you before we came to dinner,” you said, “but it’s new, like a few weeks old new, and we’re still trying to figure everything out,”
you took a deep breath as he stayed silent, letting you continue, “im sorry, char.”
he sighed, “yes it was a surprise, but as long as he makes you happy, amor-“
you cut him off by throwing your arms around his neck, causing him to chuckle before he hugged you back.
“s'il te fait du mal, il est mort,” (“if he hurts you, he’s dead”)
you laughed, “il ne le ferait pas.” (“he wouldn’t”)
“oh je sais qu'il est amoureux de toi depuis des années.” your brother smiled and you blushed softly. (“oh i know, he’s been in love with you for years”)
“so have i,”
“i know,” he smirked, nodding towards the door, “c’mon, better go save lover boy maman’s burning questions.”
you laughed and entered back into the living room, looking around until you saw lando in the kitchen, helping your mom chop vegetables. your brother snorted next to you, which made you let out a tiny laugh.
lando’s head snapped in your direction and he could tell the two of you were making fun of the apron that had pink and white flowers all over it.
“you two are just jealous you can’t pull this off,” he said and you laughed softly, coming to stand next to him.
“yeah, baby,” you said, “the grandma flowers really make your eyes pop.”
“thanks, honey,” he smiled sarcastically at you, nose scrunching. you let out a giggle before placing a kiss on his cheek, your hand on his shoulder.
“maman,” you said and she lifted her head up, “puis-je voler lando un peu ?” (“can i steal lando for a bit?”)
“bien sûr ma chère. charles, s'il te plaît, prends sa place,” (“of course, my dear. charles, please take his place.”)
charles groaned and lando laughed, taking the apron off and tossing it to him. you led lando out of the room, “have fun, mate!”
“yeah, yeah, whatever,” charles mumbled, tying the apron around his waist.
“elle est si heureuse, elle rayonne,” maman smiled at her eldest son, “il pourrait être le bon.” (“she’s so happy, she’s beaming. he can be the one.”)
charles smiled over at his mother, “peut-être que tu as raison, maman.” (“maybe you’re right, mom”)
“je ne le suis pas toujours ?” (“am i not always?”)
he laughed and shook his head, meanwhile you and lando were sitting on the front steps, your head on the shoulder of his black button up shirt. you looked up at him for a minute, just taking in his side profile and how well he dressed today.
“you want a picture, babe?” he smirked over at you and you rolled your eyes.
“you wish,” you said, “no, you look good, baby.”
he’d smile, eyes traveling over you in the white flowy dress, “you look even better,”
you smiled, laying your head back down on his shoulder as he pulled you closer to his side.
“this is a nice little place,” he said, looking around, “can see why you love coming back home so much.”
you nodded, lifting your head up, “yeah, but home isn’t where the heart is,”
he smiled softly, eyes meeting yours, “you and these damn taylor swift references,”
you laughed, “okay, but she’s got a point!”
“i’m not from london, baby.”
“okay, okay, fine,” you smiled, “bristol boy, better?”
“better, thank you,” his lips pressed against your temple. you shivered slightly as the wind picked up a little.
“you cold?” he asked, “i have a hoodie in the car,”
you shook your head, “it’s okay,”
“you sure?”
you nodded, slipping your hands underneath his shirt and finding his stomach. his skin warm, but he still jumped slightly at how cold your hands were. you laughed as he shook his head, “it could be a hundred degrees outside and i swear your hands would still be cold.”
“you’re just as lost about it as i am, trust me.”
he let out a laugh, ignoring how your fingers were tracing the indents in his stomach of his abs. he bent down towards you, noses bumping as he used his to lift your head up slightly before he closed the gap between you. he kissed you sweetly, lovingly, his lips moving from yours to your cheeks to pepper kisses along the skin after.
“i’m happy i drunkingly broke into your house that one night.”
he laughed, “i am, too, love. i am too.”
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krakenattack · 6 months
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Mild spoiler for The Last Graduate ahead, but:
Having just reread the whole series, I love how at odds El and the Scholomance are. Like, El's pessimism is a great way of making your narrator unreliable, since El is sometimes right and sometimes wrong always expecting the worst response from everyone around her(a thought worthy of another entire post), but it becomes very funny once she realizes that part of the problem at school is that she can't do small spells? Like, she spends the whole first book being like 'this school is the devil tempting me to evil, it wants me to become a maleficier, I can't even ask for a simple cleaning spell without getting horrible spells for summoning mortal flames and enslaving an army of people, I hate it', and meanwhile the Scholomance is flipping frantically through its catalogue of spells gathered over thousands of years, desperately trying to find a spell in a language El knows that she can also cast with her affinity for working incredibly large and powerful spells. El's over here driving a bulldozer and saying, 'I would like to build a Jenga tower' and the Scholomance is looking at her with the weary despair of a preschool teacher knowing they're going to be suffering through a temper tantrum soon but unable to stop it.
El, a furious teenager who doesn't know as much as she thinks she does: I don't wanna summon a mortal flame! I want my room clean!
The Scholomance, a giant building that cleans its own hallways, floors, dishes and various and assorted other workings with mortal flame: Why is this child testing me
Also hilarious in retrospect is El's blithe statement in the first book about how no one would ever give her that much mana to do these high volume spells bc mana isn't free or easy to acquire and so the school is clearly telling her to turn maleficier and kill her fellow students all while Orion is humming to himself as he kills mals and dumps oodles and oodles of mana into the New York power sharers.
El "I'd rather die than ask for help" Higgins: I won't do these spells bc no one will give me mana
The Scholomance, as loudly as a building who may or may not be partially sentient and who can't speak human languages: Wow, those sure are some HIGH MANA VOLUME spells you got there! If only there was SOMEONE around who would be able to provide you with a NIGH LIMITLESS FLOW OF MANA so that you'd be able to cast them!
Orion: :)
El: *hisses like a feral cat*
Orion: :(
The Scholomance: oh my freaking god
Hilarious. Top tier humor.
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she-posts-nerdy-stuff · 6 months
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Rewatching Shadow and Bone so here are some of my favourite little details that I haven’t seen loads of people talk about (this is almost definitely just part 1 so stay tuned)
The bird cage in Heleen’s office
The masks on stalls in the Ketterdam streets, including Komedie Brute masks, what look like the Jackal masks, and what I believe might have been a sun summoner mask
The song that Ravkan soldiers in Mal’s unit sing whilst they march in s1e4 is the Kerch drinking song Nina sings for Inej on the boat in Six of Crows
Matthias’ hesitation before saying “I feel nothing for you” and Nina replying “then I guess that makes you good at your job” is SO reflective of Matthias’ realisation that Brum didn’t have to drown the good parts of himself to do terrible things the way Matthias always did; Matthias had grown to admire Brum for what he believed was the ability to silence the good in himself in order to do what “must be done” because he found that so difficult to do, and acknowledging that Brum didn’t find those things difficult the way he did was one of the most important moments of being able to separate himself from the Drüskelle beliefs and begin to understand that what he went through was actually abuse and what’s implied to be at least similar to Stockholm Syndrome (I’ve written at length about this and if I get going I’ll never stop, so if anyone wants to know more lemme know and I’ll tag you in my post about it)
“Pomdrakon Players”, the group the Crows join to infiltrate the Little Palace, references Ravkan desert “Pomdrakon” where you soak raisins in brandy then set them on fire and try to grab them in the dark that Nina tells Matthias about on the ice
This isn’t an observation I just thought you’d all like to know that when I was watching the map room scene in episode 4 every time Alina said ‘Aleksander’ I repeated her in a stupid voice, which was really unfair to Alina because she doesn’t know but it was a genuine reaction and I stand by it because screw the Darkling
The comment that the Fjerdans don’t mark ash tress because they’re scared, I love that. I wonder if they pray when they mark trees, like they do when they cut them down? I personally got the impression that all trees were precious but ash trees were sacred when I read the book
The valve to turn out the lights in the Royal Archives Heist because all the lighting is gas powered!! Like I know this probably was just a thing we knew without really thinking about but it’s also really cool in that it reminds us about the class difference between the Crows and the others since, at least in the books, gas lighting isn’t as common to the Barrel as candles and bone lights are but is implied to be more common among the Merchants
Also not an observation but “you’re the quarter master, aren’t you?” “Yep” *wallop* will never not be hilarious and iconic
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: the costume department for this show were goddamn miracle performers thank you for your service. I’ve banged on about the symbolism in the costumes before so I won’t now, but I have really only talked about s2 so I guess if you want more I could talk about s1
“No guns” *walking past Jesper* “no knives” *walking past Inej* “no weapons of any kind” *wait where’s Kaz* will always be fabulous
I genuinely have no idea how they did the Tailoring on Alina’s hair when Genya first does it for her but it is incredible like I don’t know exactly what changed but it just… I don’t know, it’s amazing
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useless-catalanfacts · 2 months
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Hehehe.... Here's a post I think you people will like.
A while ago, I was asked about Catalan swear words. I answered it and I explained how very often we say "I shit on ..." and gave some examples. You can find that post here:
Yesterday, someone in Catalan Twitter tweeted asking what are your favourite swearings, and I think you might like to hear what people answered. So here it goes!
Així plogués tant, que els ànecs arribessin a mossegar els collons de Déu! = This way may it rain so much that ducks could reach to bite God's bollocks.
Així baixi una olla del cel, amb el cap de Déu per tapadora! = This way may a cooking pot fall from Heaven/sky with God's head as the lid!
Cagum tots los sants posats en un bocoi amb Déu per tap! = I shit on all the saints placed inside a hogdhead (large cask barrel) with God as the lid!
Cagum la veta del capdavall de la cama dreta de les calces del pagès que va plantar la primera fava que va menjar l'ase que va dur la Mare de Déu a Egipte! = I shit on the ribbon of the lowest part of the right leg of the trousers of the farmer who planted the first bean that was eaten by the donkey that took the Virgin Mary to Egypt!
Cagum Sant Hilari i tots els sants del calendari, i si em deixés algun per dir, me cagum la mare que el va parir. = I shit on Saint Hilarius and all the saints on the calendar; and if I had missed saying any of them, I shit on the mother that gave birth to them. (But in Catalan it rhymes).
Cagum Déu i el que portava la creu, i el que la va fer que era fuster = I shit on God and the guy who carried the cross, and the guy who made it who was a carpenter (in Catalan it rhymes) or Cagum Déu, la creu i el fuster que la feu = I shit on God, the cross, and the carpenter who made it (also rhymes).
Em cago en els quatre puntals que aguanten la cagadora de Déu = I shit on the four stakes that hold up God's shitting hole. (Maaaany people have said this one or variations of it)
Em cago en la puta que va arribar a parir el paleta que va fer les quatre pilastres que aguantaven la cagadora de Déu i tots els sants = I shit on the whore who reached the point of giving birth to the bricklayer who built the four pilars what held up the shitting hole of God and all the saints.
Cagum Sant Roc, el gos i la mare que els va parir tots dos = I shit on Saint Roch, the dog, and the mother who gave birth to both.
Me cago en la tita del dimoni porc = I shit on the pig demon's dick.
Cago'n la sang d'un banc i el fetge d'una cadira coixa = I shit on a bench's blood and a lame chair's liver.
Em cago en els claus dels peus de Cristu crucificat = I shit on the screws/nails on crucified Christ's feet.
Em cago en l'ou que va fer la gallina que va servir per fer el caldo de la Mare de Déu quan era partera = I shit on egg that was laid by the chicken that was used to make the broth for the Virgin Mary when she had just given birth.
Me cagum Satanàs clavat dalt d'un cirerer = I shit on Satan nailed to the top of a cherry tree.
Mal davallés el secretari de Déu, vestit de torero = Wouldn't God's secretary come down, dressed as a bullfighter.
What swearings do you say when something goes wrong? In my house, the most common one is a simple one: collons de mico (monkey bollocks).
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oscconfessions · 15 days
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I'm having so much trouble giving real names to my BFDI gijinkas.
I have some easy ones like:
Leafy = Lacey
Firey = Frederico
Bubble =Bubbles
Rocky = Rocky
Tennis Ball = Thomas [ because SCIENCE ]
Flower = Dahlia [ because she looks like a Dahlia to me ( also because I think dahlias are prettier than daisies ) ]
Golfball = Golgi [ because SCIENCE ]
But I'm having so much trouble with Eraser, Snowball, Pencil, Spongy, and Match.
I've seriously considered just calling Pencil Pennsyl and just saying that it's the name of a Greek god or some bs.
And by all means I can't come up with a good name for Eraser or Match. Especially Match. I've considered calling her Mal, Mac [ short for Mackenzie ], or Marley bc I like that name.
Also I refuse to call my human version of Eraser, Ray [ the name just reminds me too much of Ray William Johnson ].
Could anyone please give me any suggestions?
im sorry flower dahlia gives me a mild stroke (< aa fan) /silly
for eraser though i'd say look for a name that starts with e? what about everett, or emmett, or uh. you get the point. pencil could be penny? a good website to find names is behindthename.com btw
also rocky being just the same is hilarious -💥
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Admittedly my Shadow and Bone brain rot runs deep but. . .
After OPLA I started both the anime and manga One Piece. Zoro getting lost seems to be a long running and often hilarious theme but he always finds his way back to Luffy.
This got me thinking about Mal explaining the difference between Cardinal North and True North. Cardinal being a direction on a compass but True North leading you home. For Mal that's Alina, she is also his true love.
Roronoa Zoro literally couldn't find Cardinal North with GPS but he always finds his captain. Luffy is Zoro's True North. Luffy is his destiny, Luffy is home.
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lullabyes22-blog · 18 days
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Mal de Mer - 18+ Poll - Smut / Aftercare / Human Biology
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Adults ONLY for this one.
I'm very curious, despite this being a controversial subject: what's y'all's opinion on characters peeing after sex? Spec. peeing in front of each other after sex?
I ask because it's endlessly amusing to me that characters will have marathon sex sessions where they're constantly gushing/squirting/creaming in each other's faces, but peeing afterward is just too gross and realistic.  Like - do they all die of UTI-related kidney infections before old age even sets in, or is it just the, "We will ignore the biological fact that the female character's urethra is a lot shorter and has significantly less resistance to bacteria, so there's a good chance that after she goes three rounds, she is going to get up and pee right after, if not in the middle of sexy times."
I personally prefer to draw a veil of modesty over the act, and imply it secondhand - Character X staggering off to wash up in the background and coming back to cuddle. But I've definitely gotten a kick out of a few works where Character X just whips it out to pee while Character Y is also in the bathroom.
It's just a silly, matter-of-fact, human, thing to do. And we as humans are not nearly as pristine as fiction makes us out to be.
For Mal de Mer, half the theme is a budding sense of trust between our main characters - and them navigating intimacy within the context of their respective hang-ups re: marriage, sex, and physical closeness. Also, when one can get comfortable enough with another person to pee around them (and not in a fetishy way), it's generally a good sign the relationship is on solid ground.
Yes, there are other ways to establish intimacy - but a shared bathroom break is an intimate act and one that's rarely shown in a healthy light in media or fiction, which I find hilarious.
(This is not a poop poll. That deserves its own space, disclaimer and discussion. None of which will be happening anytime soon.)
So! Let's hear it. Would you write characters peeing after sex? Would you read them peeing after sex? In the same space even! Is it weird? Is it gross? Would you rather not know about it and let the imagination fill in the blanks?
All of this to say - in addition to kinky sex, trauma, drowning, maternal wounds, hysterical breakdowns, PTSD, politics, parenthood, and existential crises, Mal de Mer will have a brief scene that includes peeing.
It'll be fun. I promise.
(Also - thank you so much for your comments and support on this story. The kudos and comments and inbox flailings are really keeping me afloat for this rarepair tale<3)
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hexenwrites · 1 year
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Mal: Define “dream”. Carlos: Dream - the first thing people abandon when they learn how the world works. Deigo: That’s too dark!
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coolskeleton59 · 1 month
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[It's been a long fight with a near death. I think we need to sit down] And uh. This may be sappy, but I don't know when I'm next gonna get to say it. We've come this far, and we've all had our tensions and moments that we're not proud of. Namely us. [Gestures at ourselves]. So. I just want to tell you all that you're all fantastic. Thank you for coming all of this way with us. Reese, you've put up with so much of our BS, and yet you still always manage to find the good in people and push onward. You're strong. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Chef, you always keep us in check. We appreciate that you don't put up with our nonsense. We need someone reasonable like that. Mal, you're so smart, and seeing you get genuinely into everything you do is so nice. I hope you get to continue doing that when this is over. Crunch, you got butterfingers, but you add levity and heart to any situation you're in. You've also been super chill and hilarious this whole time, which is a very nice change of pace. Thanks for that. Skippy, you got a whole fanclub up in our brain I'm not gonna lie. You have a boundless confidence and optimism that cannot be rivaled. You're also one hell of a magic user. You deserve the fanclub. Traj, you're strong. You're doing things for yourself now. We may be at odds with each other, and we may have said things we regret. You put all of that behind you, and you got back up and kept fighting. You'll do great. Serif, I don't know if you can hear me, but you never stay down. No matter how many times they pit you against us, you never give up on us either. We keep making mistakes towards you, and getting thrown on the ground was deserved. Regardless, we value you as a friend. We will forever. ...and Parchy, I don't know if you're listening, but I hope you're safe and well.
[* Your party voices their thanks and appreciation to you, too.]
[* Morale was boosted greatly!]
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starlightshadowsworld · 8 months
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Decendants where they go full Ever After High.
And Audery is to become the next sleeping beauty.
Slight problem because all the villains are locked up on the Isles.
And thus no Maleficent to curse baby Audery and set off her story.
Soo the Auradonians have the great idea of sending someone to the Isle to kidnapp the next Maleficent.
Somehow this succeeds and Mal, who we'll say is several years older than Audery is now in Auradon.
And thus now has powers.
And well getting any child to do what you want them doo is already a task and a half.
Getting a scared, angry fairy child is even more difficult.
What happens is instead of cursing baby Audrey, Mal just straight up kidnaps her and takes her home with her.
Maleficent finds this hilarious and upon seeing Mal's dragon has already claimed the girl as family.
She allows Audrey to stay but tells Mal once Audrey is no longer a baby, she will be Mal's responsibility.
Which Mal takes very seriously.
Later personally threathing any and all villian on the isles.
That Audrey is her baby sister and under her and her mother's protection.
So no one really wants to fuck with baby Audrey.
No one from Auradon goes to get Audery back.
They assume she's either dead.
Or just straight up don't want to waste their magic doing the whole thing again.
Audrey's mum is devastated.
Everyone just defends it as "well she's been taken by some kind of fairy... Dragon? Soo."
Because if EAH tells us anything the heroes are generally worse than the villains.
Mal: Your a dad again.
Hades: jumps both from that and cos Mal just appeared out of nowhere What?!
Mal: points to baby Audrey giggling in her wagon my first theft.
Hades:..You stole a baby?
Mal: Sleeping Beautys baby, they wanted me to curse her I said no. She's family now.
Hades: processes this... Sure why not, lemme meet the lil bugger.
That and Maleficent like yeah sure but I don't care this baby... Too excuse me where's my other child?!
Because her dragon also sees this child as family so might as well embrace it.
Also baby Audrey even in her teenyness somehow manages to piss off Uma when they first cross paths.
Mal: teary eyed despite also being a small child they grow up so fast.
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