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mckinlily · 6 months

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Plot armor but it’s Bruce Wayne’s wealth.

Bruce is one of the richest men in the world. Bruce does not want to be one of the richest men in world.

He starts by implementing high starting salaries and full health care coverages for all levels at Wayne Enterprises. This in vastly improves retention and worker productivity, and WE profits soar. He increases PTO, grants generous parental and family leave, funds diversity initiatives, boosts salaries again. WE is ranked “#1 worker-friendly corporation”, and productively and profits soar again.

Ok, so clearly investing his workers isn’t the profit-destroying doomed strategy his peers claim it is. Bruce is going to keep doing it obviously (his next initiative is to ensure all part-time and contractors get the same benefits and pay as full time employees), but he is going to have to find a different way to dump his money.

But you know what else is supposed to be prohibitively expensive? Green and ethical initiatives. Yes, Bruce can do that. He creates and fund a 10 year plan to covert all Wayne facilities to renewable energy. He overhauls all factories to employ the best environmentally friendly practices and technologies. He cuts contracts with all suppliers that engage in unethical employment practices and pays for other to upgrade their equipment and facilities to meet WE’s new environmental and safety requirements. He spares no expense.

Yeah, Wayne Enterprises is so successful that they spin off an entire new business arm focused on helping other companies convert to environmentally friendly and safe practices like they did in an efficient, cost effective, successful way.

Admittedly, investing in his own company was probably never going to be the best way to get rid of his wealth. He slashes his own salary to a pittance (god knows he has more money than he could possibly know what to do with already) and keeps investing the profits back into the workers, and WE keeps responding with nearly terrifying success.

So WE is a no-go, and Bruce now has numerous angry billionaires on his back because they’ve been claiming all these measures he’s implementing are too expensive to justify for decades and they’re finding it a little hard to keep the wool over everyone’s eyes when Idiot Softheart Bruice Wayne has money spilling out his ears. BUT Bruce can invest in Gotham. That’ll go well, right?

Gotham’s infrastructure is the OSHA anti-Christ and even what little is up to code is constantly getting destroyed by Rogue attacks. Surely THAT will be a money sink.

Except the only non-corrupt employer in Gotham city is….Wayne Enterprises. Or contractors or companies or businesses that somehow, in some way or other, feed back to WE. Paying wholesale for improvement to Gotham’s infrastructure somehow increases WE’s profits.

Bruce funds a full system overhaul of Gotham hospital (it’s not his fault the best administrative system software is WE—he looked), he sets up foundations and trusts for shelters, free clinics, schools, meal plans, day care, literally anything he can think of.

Gotham continues to be a shithole. Bruce Wayne continues to be richer than god against his Batman-ingrained will.

Oh, and Bruice Wayne is no longer viewed as solely a spoiled idiot nepo baby. The public responds by investing in WE and anything else he owns, and stop doing this, please.

Bruce sets up a foundation to pay the college tuition of every Gotham citizen who applies. It’s so successful that within 10 years, donations from previous recipients more than cover incoming need, and Bruce can’t even donate to his own charity.

But by this time, Bruce has children. If he can’t get rid of his wealth, he can at least distribute it, right?

Except Dick Grayson absolutely refuses to receive any of his money, won’t touch his trust fund, and in fact has never been so successful and creative with his hacking skills as he is in dumping the money BACK on Bruce. Jason died and won’t legally resurrect to take his trust fund. Tim has his own inherited wealth, refuses to inherit more, and in fact happily joins forces with Dick to hack accounts and return whatever money he tries to give them. Cass has no concept of monetary wealth and gives him panicked, overwhelmed eyes whenever he so much as implies offering more than $100 at once. Damian is showing worrying signs of following in his precious Richard’s footsteps, and Babs barely allows him to fund tech for the Clocktower. At least Steph lets him pay for her tuition and uses his credit card to buy unholy amounts of Batburger. But that is hardly a drop in the ocean of Bruce’s wealth. And she won’t even accept a trust fund of only one million.

Jason wins for best-worst child though because he currently runs a very lucrative crime empire. And although he pours the vast, vast majority of his profits back into Crime Alley, whenever he gets a little too rich for his tastes, he dumps the money on Bruce. At this point, Bruce almost wishes he was being used for money laundering because then he’s at least not have the money.

So children—generous, kindhearted, stubborn till the day they die the little shits, children—are also out.

Bruce was funding the Justice League. But then finances were leaked, and the public had an outcry over one man holding so much sway over the world’s superheroes (nevermind Bruce is one of those superheroes—but the public can’t know that). So Bruce had to do some fancy PR trickery, concede to a policy of not receiving a majority of funds from one individual, and significantly decrease his contributions because no one could match his donations.

At his wits end, Bruce hires a team of accounts to search through every crinkle and crevice of tax law to find what loopholes or shortcuts can be avoided in order to pay his damn taxes to the MAX.

The results are horrifying. According to the strictest definition of the law, the government owes him money.

Bruce burns the report, buries any evidence as deeply as he can, and organizes a foundation to lobby for FAR higher taxation of the upper class.

All this, and Wayne Enterprises is happily chugging along, churning profit, expanding into new markets, growing in the stock market, and trying to force the credit and proportionate compensation on their increasingly horrified CEO.

Bruce Wayne is one of the richest men in the world. Bruce Wayne will never not be one of the richest men in the world.

But by GOD is he trying.

#batman #bruce wayne #laws of this dc universe say Gotham is always a hellcity #and bruce wayne is always filthy rich #bruce wayne is fighting with everything he has against both those facts #he’s not going to win #but he’s not going to stop either #bruce crying with fistfuls of money in his hands: take it. PLEASE #the public: donate more???

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ghost-bxrd · 3 months

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Prompt:

Instead of Dick or Tim, Red Hood straight up goes for kidnapping Bruce Wayne and keeping him hostage just to see how desperate the birds get in trying to find him.

It’s a foolproof plan. Batman won’t blow his cover unless absolutely necessary, and “Brucie” would never know how to slip away from a crime lord of Red Hood’s caliber. It’s foolproof. It’s perfect. Jason can keep dropping hints and make threats towards the birds and watch Bruce squirm without consequences if he plays this right.

But then “Brucie” keeps begging him not to hurt his kids…

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mylifeingotham · 3 months

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bruciemilf · 1 year

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"LET ME AT HIM,'' Jason screams, held back by the batfamily, Clark, Alfred, and Batcow

#theres a reason why bruce is not allowed to be respond to his kids being mean and this is why #bruce wayne #dc #dc comics #batman #jason todd #dick grasyon #tim drake #batfamily #sorry catherine ily <3 #batfamily social media #batfam twitter #teen bruce being a walking vibe check is my guilty pleasure. he'd make regina george cry

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sasswonfp · 1 year

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This joke came to me in a fit of laughter (ALT description provided :3!)

#superman #batman #the flash #flash #wally west #bruce wayne #clark kent #justice leauge unlimited #justice league #abruptly I was hit with this joke when I made one abt myself being always 2 seconds away from crying and realised it worked oh so well #i had so much fun drawing this #esp bc i was really trying to find a good medium between my style and the jlu style #super blocky but also a bit more realistic than jlu #batman is so shape and i fucking love it #literally i just drew his outline i didn't even bother with the rest of it #gremlin fucking creature. man who is just an object #this is my first time ever doing like an actual attempt at dc-#homegrown art

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baihujun · 2 months

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I drew a guest art for finch's artbook

#bruhal #batlantern #batman #hal jordan #bruce wayne #green lantern #my bro @caninefinch on twitter!!#what an honor #my friend was like “is hal a ghost and i gonna cry”..... no unfortunately he is very much alive. just being a pain in the ass #my art #dc comics #bats tag

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kartsie · 10 months

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Baby bats for @batfam-big-bang

Thanks to @dear-galileo and @ssomagni for blessing everyones eyes with these stories

#THEYRE SO GOOD YALL I WAS CRYING IN THE CLUB #my art #Batman #bruce wayne #jason todd #Robin #Tim drake #stephanie brown #BABY BATS #batfamily #batfam big bang #batfam #dc comics #baby tim drake #baby Stephanie brown

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undertheredhood · 6 months

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bruce 'tired single dad' wayne: *lecturing jason once again on something he did during a fight*

jason 'theatre kid extraodinare'' todd who immediately starts fake crying on the spot: do you just not love me anymore?

#dc comics #dc universe #dcu #batman #red hood #batfamily #batfam #bruce wayne #bruce thomas wayne #jason todd #jason peter todd #jason was never the angry robin #yeah bruce is weak to his children crying but especially jason #if jason can puke on command you best believe he can convincingly fake cry too #what's the point of having trauma if you can't use it to stop your dad from lecturing you?#bruce folds on the spot when jason cries which is why jason doesn't cry that often (jason doesn't want his secret weapon to lose effect)#most of the time jason just owns up to the things he did #so there really isn't any point in lecturing him because jason doesn't care about consequences #the first time jason fake cried in front of bruce after his death he was shocked at how it still worked #the reason why it works so well is because bruce thought jason was dead for around four years and grieved him for so long

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bbbbbbbbatman · 3 months

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Clark, recovering from kryptonite poisoning and high on painkillers: Bruce, would you still love me if i was a worm? 🥺

Bruce, zero hesitation: No.

Clark: You wouldn't? 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

#clark is devastated #he starts crying #bruce is confused why this is so important #and he doesn’t know how to comfort clark #he’s trying to explain why he wouldn’t love a worm but it’s really not helping #batman #bruce wayne #superbat #superman #clark kent #dc #dc comics #mine

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moider-time · 1 year

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Y'know what I want? I want sick Bruce Wayne.

I want a Bruce that babies his kids when they're sick. He goes all out. 6'4 muscle-bound Jason Todd is getting tucked into bed with a kiss on the forehead to check his temperature and whines if Bruce forgets.

As good as his memory is, Bruce can't exactly remember what Thomas and Martha used to do when he was sick. They had a routine but the intricacies of it constantly escape him. As little as that may be, it does pang every now and again that he's forgetting them, forgetting how they loved him. He doesn't want that for any of his kids.

So he babies them, treats them like the little kids he knows they aren't and rarely if ever got to be. He deals with any vomit, tears or just general irritation that comes with being sick. It gets to point where when the kids are sick and Bruce isn't home, they can barely function.

Dick: THIS IS IT- THIS IS THE END

Wally: dude you just have a cold?

Dick: JUST A- JUST A COLD?!? WALLY, ARE YOU INSANE?? HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO MANAGE WITHOUT MY HOT CHOCOLATE AND HOME MADE BUNNY MARSHMALLOWS??!?

Wally: ok one, bunny marshmallows? adorable. and two, i've seen you walk off a fractured collarbone, two bruised ribs and a twisted ankle???

Dick: ....yeah but the marshmallows

Wally:

But Bruce? Oh when Bruce is sick, he powers through. But when he's so sick he considers himself a liability, he curls up in a small, dark room like a pregnant cat. It's practically instinct for him – when he's compromised like that, he needs to be in a place that he's knows is safe.

Very Sick Bruce also goes into Mama Bear Mode. He wants his kids in his sight at all times or he's practically inconsolable. If they're not with him, then they might be in danger, anything could happen – how can he protect them if they're not there? Just anxiety out of the wazoo.

I can see him trying to drag his 7 kids into one room so he can keep an eye on his babies.

Damian: baba we cannot all possibly fit-

Cass: -we will

Damian:

Damian: who's going first?

The kids do make things more comfortable. Fluffing his pillows, getting him tea and making sure he has his stuffies. Bruce appreciates it but he just says that all he needs are his kids. That always has them sobbing.

(happy holidays to my cold twin @bruciemilf i was inspired by our mutual sickness lol)

#dc #batman #bruce wayne #batfam #batfamily #batkids #tw vomit #i can just imagine bby bruce with his big brown eyes feeling feverish and crying for his parents #alfred lying and saying they just went out and they'll be back soon bc he doesn't have the heart to remind him of their death #also idk if this is coherent at all but my sickness filled mind could only articulate my hc so well lol

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fanaticalthings · 2 years

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(he didn't.)

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audhd-nightwing · 7 days

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first-time parent bruce, trying to scold 10 y/o dick: absolutely not. you’re grounded.

dick, well aware of this fact: *lip wobble and eyes well up*

bruce: wait no-

dick: *starts sobbing*

bruce: i’m sorry, it’s okay. you can do whatever you want. i’m so sorry

dick, hugging bruce and hiding his face: (:<

#dick can cry on demand and absolutely uses it for evil #the moment tears start bruce folds like a wet paper towel #dick teaches this trick to his siblings as well #bruce wayne #dick grayson #batdad #batman #robin!dick #batfamily

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ghost-bxrd · 2 months

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Prompt:

After some very eventful weeks of Jason’s debut as the Red Hood he takes a well deserved night off and decides to crash in one of his safe houses.

He did not count on one of the Bats finding him there.

So to keep his plans from being torpedoed entirely Jason goes with the split second decision of pretending he was held captive by the Red Hood.

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mylifeingotham · 2 months

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bruciemilf · 1 year

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Bruce is painfully Mom coded in a very specific aspect

Bruce: It's a dangerous mission, you're not going. End of discussion.

The bat kids: Or what.

Bruce:

Bruce: ... What?

The Bat Kids: ...Um.

Damian, literally inventing 10 prayers on the spot for them bc he's the youngest and doesn't get in trouble:

#bruce wayne #batdad #incorrect quotes #incorrect batfam quotes #bruce simply smiles and gets quiet when hes angry and it literally makes ppl cry #text

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blackbatofel · 8 months

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Never not thinking about how Bruce caresses the piece of Clark's cape he kept when everyone (except him, of course) thought him dead.

There's so much love in that tiny gesture. He's holding on to the only piece of Clark he has left, and he REFUSES to accept that he's truly gone. Like he doesn't even want to think of a world where Clark isn't there.

Justice League S02E19, "Hereafter"

#i'm crying again #superbat #batman #superman #bruce wayne #clark kent #mine #superman x batman #bruce wayne x clark kent

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