“you can’t be bi and aroace! that’s contradictory!! your not really aroace! your not really bi!”

blah blah blah. sorry i wasn’t listening i was too busy being valid and cool and minding my business

Picking at my Sins

Oscar piastri x reader

Genre: Angst, smut?

Summary: Reader comes from a religious background and struggles with self worth. Oscar is there to pick up the pieces.

Warnings: religious trauma, alluded to SH, panic attacks, talks of sex

Notes: mmmmmm definitely not self projecting or anything

Masterlist

The one thing nobody teaches in church is that innocence is simply a construct in the human mind. No one is ever truly innocent. Especially those who you expect to always love and respect you. The ones who preach to always follow the rules.

They turned their back on her. A mistake that wasn't even hers led to her entire church turning their backs on her. She was left to fend with nothing. Her parents were facing the same issue, only they were the ones who started it.

It was for that reason she left.

She wouldn't call herself innocent. Simply inexperienced. She knows what she would like to try but hasn't been able to do so.

She was alone for so long. A new place makes it hard to make friends. Especially since she has a religious background, people tend to immediately think the worst.

She met Oscar in October of 2022. It was cold and rainy that evening. She needed something from the store, and she didn't have a car, so she'd settled for walking in the torrential down pour.

Alcohol. She needed alcohol after a lengthy conversation with her mom that didn't end well and a ten hour shift at a job she gets minimum wage for. Then, to feed her depressed mood, she went to the nearest park with a pretty view, sat on the bench, and drank straight from the bottle.

She's not sure how long she'd been here, but it was long enough that she was shivering and drenched. The liquor barely touched. How had religion touched that, too? Why does she feel sick at the idea of putting her mouth to the bottle?

The park is deserted, and she assumes that it'll remain that way. It doesn't. And at some point, a male comes running towards her. He's probably just out for some kind of workout he can't pause even for the weather.

She assumes he'll run right by her. He doesn't. Imstead he stops to make conversation. Then he sits with her. Then they walk together to somewhere out of the rain.

That is how she found herself talking to the Australian any moment she got. It's how she made a friend who didn't care that she couldn't stomach eating food at times because it could cause imperfections. A friend who let her rant about her ridiculous situation.

Then, a friend became a lover. He asked her out in January. He asked her to that same park which they had met months earlier. He told her they didn't have to do anything quickly. That he was willing to help her figure it out. He truly saw her for who she was and wanted to continue having stupid conversations and finding weird locations to explore.

She worked through things slowly. Many panic attacks were had. The first time she dyed her hair, she cried. Her first time wearing clothes that revealed more than they should have, she also cried. She couldn't even wear them out due to the sheer amount of overwhelming feelings.

Then she left to travel with Oscar. He dragged her around the world with him. Asking nothing in return aside from loving him unconditionally and being his pillar through the stress of a rookie season.

He was so gentle through everything. Honest with her about every misconception she had about life. Reminded her daily that being herself wasn't a sin.

The one thing she hadn't been able to get past was intimacy. It is the most taboo subject to speak about in a church. Aside from hearing that it's bad unless you're married. If it happens any other way, then you'd be punished. Shunned by all. Labeled as wicked and disgusting.

Hand holding was the first step. That came pretty easy while they were friends even. Then he kissed her and she kissed back and even though she was clumsy it was amazing.

The kiss was followed by the first of many panic attacks. A nasty thing that had her wailing and clawing at her skin.

Eventually, she got past that. Though she picked up new habits that probably weren't the best. Oscar made it a point to keep her hands occupied in more productive ways. Even if it felt childish like coloring in a colorbook. They went through three of them in a month. It became a way that they both relax.

She felt herself getting more comfortable with touch after that. Even getting far enough to get clothes off.

And then she wanted to have him completely. He was so gentle through the entire thing. Always asking how she felt. The girl felt utterly clueless and fumbled with everything, but she didn't panic. Maybe it was the overwhelming feeling of love that kept those dark thoughts out of her brain.

It was a month later that it all came crashing down. Her parents had found her. They showed up at her flat while Oscar was there.

She'd never seen the Aussie so defensive. He'd always been so laid back. Until she watched him tell her parents to get out in a horrifyingly stern voice.

It didn't matter, though. The damage had already been done. They'd already yelled about how awful she'd become. The female had just hung her head and listened. It came like muscle memory.

Oscar did get them out eventually. They left in a flurry of shouts as Oscar closed the door and locked it. Then he started from square one again.

That's when the panic attacks during sex started. She couldn't stop the thoughts. They snuck up on her. One second, she was in bliss, and the next, she was trying to claw her skin off her body. The overwhelming disgust with herself seemed to set in after that.

But Oscar was there, every time. He would hold her. Get her cleaned up. Place bandages where her nails had managed to rip skin. Then he’d occupy her mind with anything far away from the topics of intimacy and sex. He’d let her initiate contact so he didn’t scare her.

Sometime, he gets asked by friends (Lando) about his personal life. Why the two aren’t often see going out together. Why she prefers to do a shot then drink mocktails for the rest of the night.

And Oscar always gives the same over used response. “Cause I’d rather see her smiling then picking herself apart over make believe sins.”

Yo you know what

Miguel O'hara would be the BIGGEST trans ally on campus.

He hates transphobia. He hates anyone who entertains the idea or logic of it. He hates people who talk down about or scrutinize HRT.

And he really can't stand people who call trans people's genders and identity into question.

SO WHAT if someone feels the need to take an injection or pill to be at peace?

Miguel can't MAKE webs - not like a lot of Spider-people can. Okay. He's still Spider-man.

So what the hells the problem?

I said this in another post but like - he would NOT let that shit fly by him.

I am a strong believer in Mild Miguel who is literally just some dude -

But this is one thing he'll pop off for.

He hears a new recruit spewing transphobic bullshit on campus. Suddenly Miguel is fucking fuming, calls them into his office and is like

'Oh you think what people inject into their body to go about their lives in peace is your business? Is that right? You think someone's titles are up to you? Isn't that cute :)'

*starts throwing shit at them*

Like you would never question Miguels place as Spider-man to his face. The same way Miguel would NEVER let you doubt his identity as Spider-man, he'd never let anyone else doubt the identity of a trans person.

So you WILL gender Gwen right and you WILL say she/her.

He just finds it unacceptable. Miguel sees himself like - the manager of a company.

He thinks he SHOULD NOT have to be teaching people basic fucking respect. That's something you get at home and bring with you.

They're Spider-people. HEROS. If he has to explain such a simple concept to you- NOT being transphobic - he's already doubting your entire competency as both a Spider-person and like...an actual person lol

This is not a debatable thing. This is a two strike system with him. One warning with an apology, Second time - either punishment or he's just gonna fucking dismiss you.

He'd look at a transphobe and be like 'Go home. This Spider-man thing is very obviously not for you. You aren't welcome here.'

He will cancel meetings and call a member to his office immediately if a discrimination report comes in - YES HE DOES CHECK FOR THOSE REPORTS. He reads them personally.

If you're unknowledgeable, there's resources on campus and a Sensitivity Training Course.

He knows some universes just aren't up to speed with LGBT rights. Understandable - all there's resources there to help those adjust, integrate, and celebrate queer people.

The Society even has an LGBT center.

The Society has a robust and safe HRT care program that utilizes 2099 technology. There's trans educated therapists on campus and support groups. If you're stealth you can also get private services.

He'll PERSONALLY reassure any trans Spider-person that they are who they are supposed to be. And that their place in the universe isn't ruined by the fact they're trans.

He'd absolutely tell a trans Peter Parker that taking T doesn't make him less of a Spider-man by ANY capacity.

And that on campus they will be seen for the real person they are - not whatever transphobic labels their universe gives them.

The same way he compliments Lego-Spiderman, he'll try to uplift trans members and look out for them.

Like imagine walking into Miguel's office excited to tell him you started HRT at the center.

And he stops his filing and stops his conversation with Lyla to congratulate you, and tell you he's excited for you and your progress.

After a mission, when you come to report it to him he listens. And he waits until ur teammates are filing out to come over and ask how HRTs going, if you're feeling good, if you need any resource he can talk to Lyla about.

He always remembers anniversaries, walking by to drop a casual 'Three months.' and a thumbs up.

It's only a short little interaction, but it's still appreciated. He still cares.

Miguel would absolutely believe that no matter how you got to who you are - you are who you say you are. And no matter what other people say about you - you are who you say you are.

He's Spider-man and you're you.

And if anybody got anything to say about it he's going Miguel Mode

I love Mild Miguel. Mild Mentor Trans Ally Miguel

Something's been turning over in my head over the last few days about Good Omens and queer representation. I keep seeing calls for it to be more explicit, that it's not good enough, that Neil of all people is fearful of making it absolutely queer.

None of this is true. The fact that it's been embraced by marginalized people who state "this is like me" should be all that's needed for others who it does not represent to back down and respect that. It's not their lane to declare what is representation for someone else.

And Neil, of all people, gives no fucks for what others think in regards to adding queer characters to media and has been doing so for a very long time.

What got to me though was what does explicit look like. A first time coming out story? That's not what Good Omens is. These are adults, let them simply exist in a queer way. Talking to each other about it? Why? Aziraphale and Crowley don't need to explain anything to each other. They both know the other loves them in every way fathomable to the pair, and what else matters? They literally stopped Armageddon and risked everything just to be together. Human gender perceptions that change every few hundred years? Crowley will take all the genders and do as he wants with them, knowing that it's so very temporary.

And that led me to being queer to those outside your inner circle, and it was an oh moment for me. Do you... do you think that they should be loudly out? There's nothing wrong with being loudly out of course. The people who have the privilege to be out do so much good in the world simply by existing and many of them do far more than that.

As someone who is out in every way that matters to me though: It's completely exhausting.

Even getting people to gender me correctly is an uphill battle that sometimes I choose to fight and sometimes I realize "I am going to see this person one time in my life, and I am tired." I have absolutely corrected CEOs that earn more than I will ever earn in my life because they have the ability to elicit change if pushed. It's important and I choose that battle. I don't ask the clerk at the store to gender me correctly. I just thank them and go about my day.

I did a fic on this topic for the first Our Side Zine, but coming out is a process that never ends and takes an ongoing mental toll.

And it was so delightful to see characters on screen who were allowed to simply be. Not to need to defend who they are or who they love beyond the obvious Heaven/Hell struggles. It's a shining moment of rest. And the reminder that you, too, can just exist. You don't need to constantly label yourself or explain yourself. And it's okay if you haven't found a label (or never do).

It is one reason why this representation is so important. One explanation as to why so many of us are upset when we see people dismissing it. I don't think it's any accident that many of the people I see defending Good Omens as sufficient queer rep are older LGBTQIA+ people who have dealt with the exhaustion of existing for so long. Who have learned when to fight their battles and to delight in those who know us for who we are.

It is nothing new, but it does break my heart to see us now needing to fight within our own community yet again to assert that we are enough.

I hope that the people stating Good Omens should be more explicit have their hearts in the right place. I also need them to know that they're doing real harm to actual queer people. That I've spent the last month consoling those who are hurt and needing to be consoled in return at times.

I need the people who think that Good Omens is not enough to really consider if this is the battle they want to fight, knowing that they're littering the battlefield with injured LGBTQIA+ people. You're not insulting the allocishets. They don't care, they've never cared. None of us should concern ourselves with them, because ultimately their opinion doesn't matter. There's enough in the world about them, this is ours.

Or was it never about the nonbinary, ace, and aro communities at all? Was it about seeing what you wanted in media and being upset that some of us got this piece of representation?

What I understand least of all in this is coming into someone else's house and declaring it not sufficient to fit your needs. Not everything is about you. That's okay. It doesn't need to be. Maybe look within yourself to find a piece of happiness for the absolute joy that some others within the queer community have found rather than trying to tear it from them.

This is your reminder that my account was created to share my "alternative" personal views. I will take little to no criticism, I will not change based off of what the majority tells me to, even if it's already a minority. I will always honor myself and what I believe in. This account is to talk about the things that normally wouldn't be socially acceptable to.

I'm getting attacked for my last post, but honestly idc lol. (Rant kinda)

if you wanna be a safe space for creeps, baits, and overall people who mock our community and diminish our struggles so they can use a label they don't understand, go ahead, but not everyone wants to be associated with that. Just proves what kind of person you are, someone who doesn't understand us at all.

Paralleling me to transmeds is crazy. Just because transgenderism and other transids are similar, doesn't mean they're not completely different in many other ways. Gender is a subjective thing. You can't be hypothetically disabled.

Things such as gender and race ARE social constructs, so you can interpret your identity with them as you please. It's not real, after all. Things such as transabled, however, are based off of real things that people struggle with daily. I'm not saying it's wrong to transition to it, but it's not something to be taken lightly. There's a very thin line between minimizing disabled peoples experiences and mocking them vs. actual transabled people who know what they're talking about, and I'm sick of people mixing them up and referring to them both as the same.

Disabilities are a VERY real thing. You can't just transition to it for the labels and an inner feeling that doesn't even match the transition like you can gender and race. There's literally no way to host an identity like that WITHOUT feeling at least a little dysphoria and wanting to transition, even if you can't. I don't care how much you ostracize me for this, we need to stop being a safe space for bad people. This is why the respectful radqueers still get judged so heavily.

Transharmed is one thing, it's your body so it's your choice as long as you know what you're talking about, doing, and respecting people who were born with it, but transharmful? I genuinely don't get it. Like transna/zi and transgro/omer? Do people seriously think these identities are okay? Identifying with ra/cism and eu/geni/cs and overall harming others goes COMPLETELY against the original rq ideology.

Call me a fake radqueer, call me a transmed, call me an exclusionist, but I will never ever support people who are harming anyone intentionally.

Transitioning to anything isn't something to be taken lightly. It's not a joke, it's not something fun, it's not aesthetic. It's a grueling, painful experience that, if any of us had the option to not have to go through it, we wouldn't. It hurts. So I wish people would stop pretending like our suffering is just something they can do for a week for fun.

We're a community that was built off of our unusual dysphoria and being ostracized out of our own communities. Please don't continue the cycle by ostracizing people who have their own views.

Anyway, because of all of this drama, and a lot of my personal ideologies and morals not fitting the standard radqueer ones, does anyone know of any similar labels? Should I make my own?

what do you think of laenyra? 🤔 (Whether book or show or both)

I’m not interested in any ship that involves Miss Maegor(except her x the first van to the nuthouse), but if we are talking about the validity of the ship(there is none) then that’s a different story.

Show!Laenyra does not exist. I wished the morons who are trying to make fetch happen would stop using Show!Laena in their fanart because show!Miss Maegor viewed Laena as competition(see Missy Anne glaring at her at her wedding).

It’s disrespectful as hell to put show!Laena with the woman who shamelessly threw herself at her husband at her funeral(karma hit her fast though, see chokegate). This ship is worse than Rancid. At least that’s show canon.

Don’t even get me started on how the dumb fucking Karen’s who love to shit on Nettles for being Black and existing suddenly care about racism when it comes to Laenyra. The fact that these clowns would rather make up racism than admit the truth is hilarious.

Let me break it down for those who pretend to be death dumb and blind, the show is not racist for not entertaining this bullshit ship.

The show is racist for making Laena seem like second place which is coincidentally the same thing that Becky and them are trying to do with Laenyra and Nettles when they say she should be fucking cut from the show because there are too many darkies around.

The show is racist for screwing over Laena. This show is racist for racebending a character and then proceeding to kill her off in the most brutal way possible in order to make a racist white woman’s death(she had it coming for her) look less pathetic while labeling your deplorable decisions as “empowering.”

Laena is treated as a pet or a prop by these deluded stans and not an actual character who deserved respect love and cherishment. Her purpose was not and has never been to bow down and thirst over a fucking lunatic.

Anyone who doesn’t acknowledge that isn’t ready to have a conversation about this shows biases and their own.

Moving on! The only basis for book!Laenyra is the word fond(which is used in as a comparison between how Missy Anne viewed Laena vs. her stepmother). That’s not enough proof to show that they were fucking or in a throuple situation with Daemon.

If they had actually been in the former Daemon would’ve gotten Missy Maegors dumbass pregnant and Joffrey would not exist(anyone who doesn’t think so is a dumb fuck who needs to brush up on their reading comprehension).

I’ve said it once, but I’ll say it until I’m blue in the face. No one actually cares about this stupid ship. Notice how the only people who ship it are Rhaenyra/Dumbnyra stans.

The only reason why Rhaenyra’s dumbass racist white-supremacy lite stanbase pretends to care about Laenyra is so that they can squeeze Rhaenyra’s ass into Laena and Daemon’s marriage and make it seem like Daemon just can’t live without her.

(Which makes total sense considering he couldn’t live without her so much that he choked her the fuck out in the show after she gave birth to a lizard and abandoned her for Nettles when she went fucking crazy and tried to murder her in her sleep in the books. I guess it’s not true love unless you completely don’t care about your partners emotional and physical well-being☺️).

To wrap this up, I cannot express how much I loathe this nonsensical ship(that’s why I’m censoring any of my cursing). Period point blank show!Laenyra isn’t fucking canon and book!Laenyra has only lint to support it being “canon.”

*I should add that there are people who genuinely support Laenyra and aren’t trying to use the ship to insert Miss Maegor into Laena and Daemons marriage or only view Laena as a prop, but they are few and far between.

smallidarity emp2 wip clip cause ao3 is down - "Best Buds Forever"

It's such a cute simple little fic. It should be rated T. Everyone on emp2 sees that fucking insane "best buds" mural and said "ooookay then". It's just two conversations and Joel fuming.

(I also have a 2k modern Flower Husbands wip clip up and a "smallidarity back on empires without grian" post-lim life fic. and a modern SmallEtho fic that is "joel fretting cause he doesn't have a label for his relationship with Etho")

"Best Buds Forever"

“What do you mean, he’s not my bloomin’ bo – it’s a joke, alright? Scott shut up! We’re not even really ‘best buds’, are we? It just got boring, y’know, fighting all the time. Repetitive. Too much bloody time and effort.” Joel crossed his arms and frowned at the laughing man.

Scott composed himself enough to wheeze out “And how long did you spend on the mural?”

“Shut up! That’s-” Joel hesitated. “That’s... it’s a joke. He took down everything else so I had to give him something he couldn’t, because it looked. Friendly.”

“The monument to the strength of your relationship.” Scott said smugly, though still out of breath.

“No it’s not–we were going really hard on the enemies thing, so when he stopped that, we couldn’t just be neutral or something boring. So maybe we went a little hard on saying we were besties or whatever, but it’s a joke, We’re not even really friends, are we—Scott bloody stop it! Shut up!I am going to bloody kill you, pull yourself together, stop laughing!”

“Joel, I’m sorry, this is just the funniest thing I’ve heard in weeks.” Scott still had an annoying wide smile on his face. 

Joel scowled. “Glad it’s funny for someone. No, I’m not, actually. This is stupid and annoying and you— you smell. Get out of here.”

He turned away from Scott, but didn’t leave. Neither did Scott, though he did pull himself up into a sitting position. He took several deep breaths and adjusted his hat. 

When Scott spoke again, his voice was softer. “Joel… you’re serious, aren’t you.”

Joel’s explosive answer might have scared some, but Scott was more than used to his outbursts. “Yes I am bloody serious! When did you become such an absolute idiot!”

—-

Joel had been having a perfectly reasonable day working on his base, focusing on the precision he needed for his builds. He liked building, it helped him not think about… things. Normally he enjoyed visits from Scott, but today he had come in full of even more smugness than usual. Joel hoped it meant he and Scott could make fun of someone, not that Scott was going to inflict his… Scottness on Joel. 

Scott had seen the… admittedly large mural Joel had built in Tumble Town. Joel had known people would see it, but he had to admit he hadn’t thought much about what they'd think. It was for Jimmy, after all, not the rest of them. Why would he care what they thought? 

The explanation Scott offered for his visit was to inform Joel that everyone knew about the mural and had “gotten the message” and he “didn’t need to worry”.

“Worry? What are you talking about?”

“You’ve made your claim, very clearly, and we’ll respect that.” Scott’s voice had a genuine undertone to it, making light of it all but being.. serious?

“My what? This is because of the sign? No, Jimmy can have as many buds, or whatever, he wants. It’s just a joke.”

Scott raised an eyebrow and looked at Joel in a way he very much did not appreciate. “Suuuure it is.” Joel glared at Scott and didn’t say anything, so he moved on. 

“Everyone else had ample time to actually make a move. If you’re going to be monogamous about it, we’ll stay off your man.” Scott’s silly mismatched eyes were positively twinkling and it made Joel very angry.

“My what???”

It had progressed from there, until Scott was on the ground in near hysterics.

Some pjms are immature and let their own desires and assumptions overtake. A lot of them need to remember jimin is a grown man and not their friend. They create ideas of him based on their own interpretations and run with it. It starts with his career. Jimin is not a clueless person. Yes he can get screwed over and he has by his label during his solo era but he's not a child that has no idea what choices to make and he's not miserable. Some solos love playing managers or think they know better than him. Even the art cover for closer than this, which is usual hybe work they were ranting about it but how about letting jimin decide what he wants to do? Idk but I feel like out of all pjms nitpick so much while other solos just eat everything up. Of course we aren't a cult and we don't have to like everything but let's have boundaries and respect him. Also, people need to know the difference between art interpretation and a real person. Saying Jimin's art is queer coded or even interpreting things in that way to is one thing but it's another to make statements on his life using that. We don't know him and it's unfair to speak on someone's private life without their consent. I say this as a queer person. However one express themselves isn't a sign to state things for them. And no I'm not saying he's straight and I'm aware of the bisexual coding. But that still isn't enough for me to speak on the life of a man I don't know. And using the he can't come out argument for me also doesn't work because not everyone even wants to come out or even tries to. As a queer person myself maybe my expression shows in ways I'm queer because it happens for some and it doesn't for others so once again not denying anything but I'm not asking people to speak on it without my consent just because of the way I express myself. That's the thing consent is a big thing with things like this. I know people are curious and I'm not saying this to come at harmless queer fans. But it's not all of us and too many are overstepping and treating him like a fictional character. I'll say it's especially white queer fans and it reeks of racism and western centric ideas targeting East-asian men. And the confirmation bias is a big thing. If you look for something you will find it. Like jimin himself said in his doc filter wasn't about himself personally and just a concept while some were asserting it is to make statements about him personally. I wouldn't care if it wasn't becoming risky for him. Some of the things people were saying on Jimin's behalf regarding his sexuality and private life he never disclosed to us ahead of his enlistment were disappointing to see because it's all projection and some move like they want it to have negative repercussions for him in real life just to validate their ideas. Let me not get into the fetishizing and overly sexual lens with which all of his interactions with men are seen it's like they can't see jimin in a normal lens or let him have male friends or interactions without legit sexually harassing him over it. And I single out pjms because that's his solo fandom and I expect them to be better but this is heavily on armys/shippers too. I hope everyone takes a step back and stop being so invested in Jimin's life while he's enlisted. Because stanning should be a hobby. It's not trying to live through someone else's life. I forgot to add: there's so much biphobia it's awful to see. Because it's really both queer/gay and straight people never acknowledging bi people. It's not lost on me how people react at the idea of jimin being with a woman or even reinforcing mlm stereotypes on him based on his appearance. All because he's a pretty man. Anyways this ended up being too long but I hope for a fandom cleaning in these 18 months and for everyone to get in touch with reality. For everyone's sake and for Jimin's especially. He deserves better and respectful fans and I know he has to talent and potential to have a long and thriving career as a soloist-the best out of korea - when he comes back. I hope fans can support him the right way.

.💯

(Edit 2: If you want to see the original version of the post, it has been reblogged by at least two accounts. JAS is one of them. You can see it there.)

(Edit:

@problemaddtic

I did not initially @ you when I created the post, but I have decided to as you are what it is about. I know you do not care what anti-endogenics/sysmeds have to say about your behaviour, but I am not either of those things.

One of the biggest things I advocate for in syscourse, if not the biggest thing, is for people to stop worrying about whether or not non-CDD plurality is scientifically provable, and that people's experiences should be treated with respect.

As someone who is with you on the fact that endogenics and other non-CDD plurals deserve better treatment, I really hope you'll believe me when I say you are hurting your own community more than you are helping it.

(Also, I edited the post sightly to try and have a nicer tone. I am autistic and tend to sound rude, so I am very sorry if I have phrased anything poorly. I am truly just trying to help people here.))

Here's a reminder that trying to harm people you dislike by being bigoted towards them impacts people you do like.

Flexing about how not disabled you are and treating being disabled as a bad is ableist, and it hurts the disabled people in your community as well.

Especially when you are conflating a certain ideology with being disabled, you are villainising everyone with those disabilities for having those disabilities. Even the people with those disabilities who are in your communities and have put hard work into combatting the rhetoric you are both against.

It does not combat anything or help anyone to be bigoted to people you oppose. Not only does it not help, it actively hinders. It makes people care less about the genuine points people in your community have, because all of their hard work is now tainted by, "You make community with bigots." This is genuinely the biggest reason I do not label myself as pro-endogenic, because people like you mean using that label actually makes it harder to do anything to help endogenics and other non-CDD plurals.

You did not do anything productive. If you set out just to hurt people, it is going to hurt those who care for your opinions (as in, people in your community) far worse than those who do not. I feel sorry for the marginalised people in your community that you view as a justifiable collateral in your plight.

(This is also a part of the edit. Since I was trying to make it more vague initially and applicable to anyone who needed this advice, I did not include how what you did hurt me very much.

As someone who has spent genuinely hours creating posts that not only educate people about non-CDD plurality, but is tailored to whoever I am educating to get them to treat non-CDD plurals with kindness, what you said hurt me. Honestly, quite a lot.

I have been harmed by all those things you wished on sysmeds, a lot of that being because I have DID. I have had to fight and adovcate for myself and others because of those things. I have and will do that for every single disabled person, even those I hate more than I can articulate, because no one deserves to experience ableism. Opposing oppressive systems is not just something you opt in and out of based on whether or not you like people. Wishing for the upholding of ableism just so it can hurt other disabled people is something that made me genuinely ill to read.

My advocacy for kindness towards non-CDD plurals and endogenic plurals is also built on the fact that you are all people. Even you, I wish things get better for you because you are a person and you deserve that.

But even if you do not feel that same compassion for everyone's humanity, you at the very least could be mindful not to harm the people who are on your side in the process.)

We need to stop demonizing some mental illnesses that aren't as known by many people until it becomes just another illness among so many others any human being alive can develop. At the same time, some people who suffer from trauma might refer to their abuser suffering from an illness not as a way to attack them nor the illness itself, but because survivors often try to find reasons for what happened to them, and they are just explaining what led to their trauma, without demonizing their abuser's illness.

We should not invalidate the feelings of people who have trauma as much as we should not invalidate those who have illnesses. The truth is that many people who have mental illness might have suffered abuse themselves.

Talking about personal traumatic experiences doesn't necessarily mean attacking the abuser's disease itself, or being an ableist. It is possible someone is only talking about their specific case, the details of their lives, their own private lives, without making any remarks or generalizations or accusations about those who also suffer from mental illness.

Both sides can and should be validated when one understands that just because one person with an illness was abusive, it doesn't make everyone who suffers from it an abuser, and the other understands that they are talking about an specific situation, they are talking about their abuse, and not attacking the disease you suffer from or saying that you are abusive since you have it too. Both of you understand that each one has their personal history with your respective problems and don't judge, demonize, or invalidate each other.

We can validate people who suffer from trauma at the same time we validate those who suffer from illnesses that were demonized as "abusive". But until we validate that, people in mental health spaces who come from very complex backgrounds might get their individual and private experiences put in a box labeled as "crazy".

If we don't start fighting for our rights (in the ways we realistically can) and accepting each other more and more, start looking deeper into ourselves and others and realizing humans are complex, then doctors, therapists or anyone in the medical area will still treat us with the same ableism, and all of us suffer to feel seen, heard, validated and helped on the hands of someone raised in an invalidating, ableist society who doesn't bother to change to help their own patients.

Support the rights of those who suffer from any mental illness, from trauma, from PTSD, from chronic illnesses. If we are there for each other, understanding that we are all different and complex but all of us are valid in our struggles, we can come together to ask for more inclusivity, for more rights, for less ableism and accessible health care. Please don't attack someone's illness, especially when you suffer from one yourself. Please don't invalidate others. And remember not to do it to yourself too. You have value. We all do. So it is best we coexist.

Liv

Can I ask you about bnha in a more harsher sense? Like not only in the fandom but also IRL?

I honestly don't trust people who genuinely hate the lov in bnha. Especially the type of people that think they should die.

There are a lot of reasons I could give but I think one of the biggest ones is the complete lack of understanding of 'why' the villains exist like they do, and even if they do know why they don't care or have any sympathy for them.

They want a kind of merciless "justice" against the real victims of hero society (the villains, for reasons clearly layed out in the story, who no one in hero society cared about until the point when it became their problem), because "innocent people" and "heroes" were hurt and killed (the civilians in MHA who, to go about their ordinary day, wouldn't look twice at a bloody suffering child) and (people who completely of there own free will sign up for the hero job and can apparently just quit and walk away even in a time of crisis, rich, popular and who '''suprisingly''' don't want anything to change unless it's a change for their benefit, 'heroes are people too!' seriously??)

They're the kind of people that only see labels, villains bad, heroes good, innocent people = innocent (👉in reality innocent but not good). And never question let alone accept why, and then want death and judgement even though it it won't accomplish anything (not even stop the deaths since the issues that made the lov are still there)

People like that are the same kind that are on the wrong side of every issue, even when admitting there is a problem unwilling to do what's necessary to fix it and still judging. That's how I feel and I wanted to ask you if you felt the same way? How do you feel about them? And everything I said above, if it's okay to ask?

I totally get what you mean.

It seems to me that some readers & viewers just don’t want to think to much about this series and see it simply as black & white as possible. As though the “Heroes” and “Villains” are exactly as described and should be treated exactly as morally monochromatic as those words imply (never mind how those words are normally just abbreviations of “Pro Heroes” & “The League of Villains”; the respective sides’ faction names); ergo it is morally unquestionable to defeat said villains by any means necessary and never question anything in the process involved, especially the villains’ origin or the consequences to follow those means.

Feels like they’re too used to the “I was wronged but now I will stab this extra to prove I’m irredeemable and wrong”-type villain. The League are not like that. Shigaraki in particular is never wrong.

But they don’t care. Even in my most charitable read possible for those particular fans; they’re here watching a Shonen to turn their brains off so moral complexity makes them weirdly mad. (Never mind the uncharitable reads.) And that gets them saying sketchy and at times scary stuff about how the victims of society need to die or go to jail forever because they didn’t suffer silently until they died, and instead disrupted the ‘sacred’ status quo. Any other fate is “the worst possible ending”. Ugh. It kind of reminds me of that one Tumblr post about how one guy likes the moral simplicity of Hollywood military vs alien conflicts; only for another guy to point out how weird it is to say there’s nothing wrong in the army killing invaders like they’re sub-human when all those terms are too easily applied to minorities.

Except I’m quite confident MHA is not trying to be that kind of propaganda; these guys are just bad at literary analysis and don’t know what this series is saying about its villains and their victimhood.

And of course no thought is given as to how to prevent other kids from growing up in the League’s situations, thus looping back to where we are now and rendering all the heroes’ efforts inevitably moot. As long as they get a cool climactic fight where Deku beats the big bad, they get what they want out of this series.

What? That just proves Shigaraki ultimately right? Again? ...Eh whatever. Cool fight, that’s what matters.

Defending Team RWBY’s decisions during Volume 8, while also defending CRWBY’s V8 Writing.

Let me put this basically as I can.

This was something that apparently was discussed... in a WR Chat.

Then we get to this https://www.reddit.com/r/RWBY/comments/w7qeag/what_are_some_common_comments_that_make_you_go/ From R/RWBY.

As you might expect? Dextixer the “Grand Corruptor of R/RWBY” (that’s literally his label/tag in the subreddit, the admins/mods still allow him to post hate and harass members, don’t ask me why) Started up the typical “Robyn hill is a terrorist, team rwby are war criminals, Ironwood was ruined”

Anyway, so many people started screaming at CRWBY for “bad writing” based on Ironwood’s military formation against Salem’s grimm invasion.

Did people seriously forget that Glynda and Qrow called out Ironwood for not having strategies, and basically only having “military bravado? Ironwood liked to act like he was the smartest guy in the room, and removed anyone criticizing or disobeying/disagreeing with him.

This is why so many people love him like they do Adam...they project themselves onto him while hating on four idealistic hopepunk women.

But honestly, lets just consider that MAYBE CRWBY knew what they were doing to a respectable point, and that James Ironwood defenders deliberately overlook so many things, exaggerate others etc.

And for god’s sakes, can we stop calling Robyn Hill a terrorist or “Somebody that should have been one of Salem’s Moles”

“Team rwby had no reason to see Ironwood as a villain”

I think they had a reason to see him as a villain since he straight up admitted he's leaving thousands for dead, which is exactly what RWBY was trying to prevent. But James certainly was a victim of his crumbling mental state

He was sacrificing millions to save far fewer. It was not a "needs of the many" situation. He intended to abandon all of Remnant, not to mention that Mantle's population is probably a fair bit bigger than Atlas's. It was a move of desperation.

Seriously, idk where people get this 'pragmatism' stuff from. Ironwood gave up. He was admitting defeat. People actually want a future where the entirety of humanity is just like, 500,000 rich elitists on a floating rock, waiting for Salem to inevitably figure out how to reach them?

If Atlas ran off to the upper atmosphere, everyone in Atlas would eventually die due to lack of supplies. Meanwhile Salem would just move on to the other kingdoms are start burning them down. And who's to say she couldn't just concoct a grimm capable of flying that high and then destroying Atlas herself

Ruby still wanted to help Mantle, but they agreed on splitting the group up so they could also get Amity up...RUBY was seeing the big picture...Ironwood just saw the forest for the trees.

“Look, a fleet to evacuate everyone! It would be a shame if something happened to it...”...Here was the SDC ships trying to evacuate people...Ironwood abandoned them because he felt he could no longer control the people he was oppressing as far back in v7. But then he realized that Team RWBY wasn’t simply disobeying him...they cared about Mantle...Hence why he did his “hands together sit in chair” pose...so he decided that the best way to force everyone to obey him is by forcing mantle to choose between him blowing them up or obeying salem.

As for Sleet? Kill one, warn a thousand. He cowed Carmila  and all Atlesian military into obedience by showing that he had no problems carrying out his threat to qrow from v3.

“Ironwood is  a tragic figure, CRWBY made him unsympathetic, unlike Cinder Fall and the writers' attempt”

What are y’all talking about? Cinder’s a tragic figure, but that doesn’t make her a sympathetic one. Ironwood was set up this way since the minute he was introduced. Cinder is more sympathetic than adam...she at least is honest about her goals, while Adam dresses himself up as an edgelord savior....Who just wants to kill humans.

“Rwby was drinking tea instead of helping ironwood”

The Mansion: You realize they were being hunted by both Salem and Ironwood right? Qrow was in prison, Harriet threatened to arrest Ruby simply for talking back? They had arrest orders on them? Ironwood shot oscar for calling James out on being a coward and hypocrite? So why help Ironwood if he’s going to either shoot you for not obeying him...or shoot you in the back while you’re trying to help him? Ironwood is his own worst enemy...he regularly sabotages himself, something that Watts with his hacking, Cinder with her manipulation of the chess piece, and Salem with her reputation of being a force of nature (by controllling the grimm and not getting directly involved and being immortal and unkillable, she comes off as unstoppable to ozpin’s allies, hence why lionhart betrayed them. They needed a safe place to avoid getting ruined while hoping for help to come from Amity’s message.

Ruby and co didn't have an issue with Ironwood flying Atlas away, their issue was him leaving people to die in Mantle, it was Ironwood's refusal to evacuate the rest that forced RWBY to use the staff to get everyone to a safe location. Ironwood was literally abusing Mantle throughout v7, which was why Robyn Hill ran for office in the first place! To get Ironwood to treat the non-rich elitists of Atlas like people.

If atlas left mantle would have been consumed by the grim with no hope for evacuation.   Ironwood was condemning all of those people to die.

Team RWBY did have a plan, btw. Ask for help.  The first plan in season 8 involved her using amity arena to ask the other kingdoms for help. Granted, it did not work...but how would Ironwood have done it? Talk about Glory of Atlas? Demand the kingdoms respect his authority? Team RWBY improved on his plan by providing people as resources, explaining the danger, and explaining how to keep an unstoppable force at bay. All things that Ironwood failed at. Despite Vexed Viewer angrily claiming that Yang and Ruby’s v8 reconciliation should not have existed, it did point out that Yang and Ruby were willing to take risks, while Ironwood would always force others to take risks for him. Given VV is a HUGE misogynist, I’m not surprised he would hate these scenes.

Ironwood tried stopping them at every single turn. They had a second plan, use the schnee company to evacuate mantle so ironwood’s army could focus on the Grimm. Ironwood instead diverted his army to destroy the schnee fleet. The third plan involved trying to save all of mantle and atlas, and ironwood tried stopping them instead of helping with the evacuation.

Ironwood is at fault for not trying to understand a plan other than his own when there was little reason to do so. He’s the one who threatened to nuke a civilian populace rather than try and save them. He sees himself as the smartest person in the room...when often he's called out on his bad ideas by Qrow, Ozpin, Glynda, Nora.

And as ironwood said, at any point they could have turned Penny in.

Also, let’s discuss how bad Ironwoood's plan was. Firstly, while there is a ‘current’ upper limit on Grimm mobility, Salem is a bloody witch, who unlike Ozpin, regularly uses her magic. There is no guarantee she can’t reach them. Secondly, Even if she couldn’t, it’s effectively become a siege where ironwood wouldn’t be able to get resources because Salem would fill the sky’s below atlas with flying Grimm, which can and do pose significant threats to air ships. Thirdly, this leaves Salem to pursue vacuo basically unopposed most likely being able to claim the SWORD OF DESTRUCTION which would likely be pretty useful in besieging the castle. She also would have the lamp in this scenario, which still has a question left she can use to try and attack atlas.

Ironwoods plan is doomed to failure, so I don’t really consider it an escape route. Even if it was, the plan could have been enacted at any point by team RWBY if they felt it necessary. As the proved by being the ones to use the staff. And having creativity, which Ironwood lacked.

“Team RWBY had no plan”.. Actually? They did have a plan, ironwoods original plan. Call for help and fight to evacuate mantel. But instead ironwood chose to abandon mantle and actively fought against any attempt to save them. The entire time he was waiting he could have tried to save as many people in mantle as he could. He could have let the schnee fleet so it’s thing. He could have done something, anything, to compromise with Ruby to get the maiden back. But instead he further antagonized them and refused to cooperate. Because Ironwood is all about proving himself right above all else. Hence why he ratted out Oz to the council in v2. And hid Penny's identity in v3. Both of which backfired. Ironwood apologists went HARD on defending both.

Also, they were drinking tea because Nora then Penny were injured and they needed to take time for them to recover. Did people forget that Ironwood was literally trying to arrest/kill them, Harriet threatened Qrow in front of RWBY, and that two of their friends were injured and they were taking care of them?

Demand that the people you tried to arrest/kill help you out? When you'll just try to backstab them later? How do Ironwood apologists seriously think people should help him while he's trying to kill them?

Rwby  did not destroy their credibility, nor did they cause mass death? How would they have? Trying to cooperate with Robyn to stop the theft of amity supplies? The reason they had to do that was because ironwood was convinced anyone moving against him could only be Salem’s agents, treating the person advocating for restoring mantles defenses like the enemy.

In fact?

Multiple members of R/RWBYCritics, Twiins Iink and Judgmental Critter fans actively claim they wanted Robyn to be a Salem Mole.

These people aren't just Ironwood fanatics, they actively embrace his mindset.

Ironwood already destroyed his credibility and was acting completely unreasonable before salem came through, so I don’t blame rwby for trying to act as a mediator with an obvious ally. And ironwood was perfectly happy to accept Robyn’s help until he learned that cinder had made it into atlas, at which point he made a massive jump in logic and assumed Robyn and rwby had something to do with it. ...at which point he ordered their arrests.

And at which point CLOVER prioritized arresting Qrow over tackling Tyrian.

Robyn was just trying to defend her people, which Ironwood had no interest in...and then Clover threatened to arrest her for standing up for Qrow. Police Brutality much.

Ironwood choose to lift Atlas early because of Salem, and he then dismissed RWBYs points about how he's leaving Mantle to die, and after snapping he shot down SDC planes trying to evacuate people. He wasn't allowing RWBY to help Mantle

Ruby said no because that would leave thousands for dead, Ruby just wanted Ironwood to help those that still needed evacuating but he refused

James is responsible for putting her in the position where it was her only choice

He started and participated in the chain reaction, that’s what is meant by causation

There were literally Grimm all over Mantle by the end of V7  Salem was going to kill everyone. She tried turning everyone against ironwood.

There were way more there than there usually are during attacks, and Grimm are naturally going to kill people they see, like the Manatalese that Ironwood left with no military personnel to protect

You goes know of the Train Track Analogy? Liets make it into a boat analogy, like this.

I think the boat analogy should go like this

Mantle is sinking and Atlas is sending lifeboats to help the survivors, but the captain decides to stop helping the people because a big wave is coming in 5 minutes, some of the crew tell the captain they should still help the survivors but the captain decides against it, the crew go against the captain's orders and still help survivors to which the captain orders their arrest.

When the crew successfully gets some passengers on lifeboats, the captain orders the boat to be sunk to prevent the crew from further helping them. The crew's only option left is to get everyone on a third ship, Vacuo, that isn't as good as Atlas but, it can still hold both sets of passengers, but that can only happen if they sink Atlas

Ruby kept trying to stop Ironwood from lifting Atlas into the atmosphere... Because they left mantle. If they didn't leave mantle to die then Ruby would've been fine with lifting the city. She wanted to evacuate everyone into atlas and THEN it could safely go into the sky or whatever. If ironwood had just continued the evacuation, none of this would've happened.

If ironwood had also not stopped the evacuation, then it would've happened because Ruby would never have tried to stop him. The only reason she stopped him was because he refused to even try to save what was left of mantle, if he had continued saving them then they probably would've got everyone on in time - especially if they commandeered the SDC ships - but nooo Ironwood was so obsessed with his little trolley problem that he didn't realise that there was a way to save BOTH atlas and mantle.

I really doubt Salem would just be like "Oh, ok, guess i lost" and depart Atlas the second it started gaining altitude. She is more than capable of knocking Atlas out of the air. So no, either way, it wouldn't be "High in the atmosphere".

And Salem's goal being the relics, one of which they’re trying to float away with? Also, besides the fact that the whale isn’t Salem, whales don’t have any aerodynamic properties for icing to affect. The bigger issue is atmosphere being potentially thin enough for breathing to be an issue. Which shouldn’t be a problem for the Grimm, considering they don’t seem to even have organs, let alone a need for oxygen. And Salem is immortal, the second she’s on Atlas it wont matter.

Anyway, thank you for coming to my rant, I really needed to get all of this off my chest.

This is not a question. This is an explanation tied to a question, like an elephant tied to a latex balloon: do queer people know that the reason queer discourse exists in the state that it does is almost definitely because a lot of queer people are also retarded? I hope that's as blindingly obvious to other people as it is to me, because *aS aN aUtIsTic PeRsOn*, every time a great big angry ball of queer discourse comes rolling, flaming and screaming past my blog, I think to myself that if I was autistic AND queer, I'd most likely also be dead by my own hand, or wheelchair bound due to a stroke. The attitude expressed by the original poster of the post whose comment section you found me in: that language about or surrounding queerness should be essentially meaningless so as to keep those it relates to from having to conform to any sort of expectation that they may have previously established for themselves, makes it completely impossible for an autistic person to engage with those people at all. In fact, I would go so far as to say that in effect they make themselves more like computers to us than people: malignant and unknowable machines where all input is meaningless and all output is random and usually negative. It's so obvious that that's where the "language has meaning" and "there need to be rules" objections come from, and it's honestly kind of heartbreaking to feel like I, an outsider, am the only person who even notices or cares. I mean honestly, how dare you tell autistic people that there are no rules? What the fuck are you thinking? It took me my entire childhood to just about figure other people out, well into my adolescence. Over fifteen years to stop deliberately antagonizing people just to get a reaction that made contextual sense. I'm almost thirty now, and I'm not going back to that feeling of hopelessness. Not for anyone, no matter how sad their story is. And that's where "You don't get to know how to treat us with respect" came from.

What the fuck are you even on about? You think I'm gonna take the argument of someone who uses the R slur in 2023 seriously? What do you think this is, 5th grade?

I don't give a shit if you're autistic or not. Me too, the fuck? If you would have bothered to glance at my blog description, you'd know that.

Just like any other slur, you can use the R slur for yourself but not against others. (This isn't some roundabout way of calling you the R slur. I'm just saying it's how reclaiming works. You don't get to call other people the R slur just cause you're autistic.)

And oh my god your overdramatic shit about how you'd fucking kill yourself or wind up disabled if you were autistic and queer? How fuckin old did you say you were? Holy shit, you're almost thirty and you're acting like this? Get a grip. Grow up.

I'm autistic, disabled, and queer. The absolute audacity you have to come into my inbox with this shit is just blowing my mind.

And oh my god, the cognitive dissonance here is so legitimately hilarious to me. You're calling people like me overly sensitive when you're the one throwing a hissy fit in some rando's inbox on tumblr dot com lmao. And the claim that you've matured and stopped diliberately antagonizing people is just 😘👌 such funny irony. Like, did you even read your ask before you sent it?

You've self admitted that you're an outsider to the queer experience, so what the fuck makes you think you get a say in how we describe and label ourselves? Newsflash: non-queer people don't get to dictate what queer people call themselves. Shocking, I know (/s).

Look, dude/gal (I'm gonna assume you're not enby since you've said you're not queer), I'm genuinely sorry you've had trouble figuring people out as you grew up. Trust me, I totally get it. You think you're the only autistic person who had trouble figuring people out growing up?

Hell, I STILL ain't figured it out yet. How do allistics remember faces? How do they not get special interests? How do they know "common sense" intrinsically whilst I often don't seem to? How can I tell romantic love from queerplatonic love or from sexual love? Why do allistics always assume we know things despite them never telling us them? How does an NT person focus without hyperfocusing? How can you tell if someone is flirting with you? How does the person in front of me feel? Is the person I'm infodumping to actually interested or am I boring them? Why do people think my tone/face is an angry one when I'm just expressing confusion and asking curious questions? What's my gender? What is gender? Why do people in power want to hurt other people? Why are they so greedy for money they'll never spend? Why can't cashiers sit down?

And how the FUCK does someone make friends, especially as an adult not attending college/uni!?

FUCK IF I FUCKIN KNOW! It sucks! It sucks ass! I know that! Seriously, trust me, I'd love to understand the way allistics and NTs think. The world would be SO much easier for the both of us. And we struggle so much to understand NTs, whilst they rarely try to understand us in return! I know you struggled and that legitimately sucks, and I wish the world was more kind and patient and accomodating with you and I both.

But, like, you think you struggled? Try growing up disabled, nonbinary, aromantic asexual (with queerplatonic attraction), autistic, mentally ill in several ways, physically disabled, poor, and in an abusive home. Holy fuck, I was constantly confused about other people every day of my damn life!

I'm not saying this to invalidate your struggles and experiences. You struggled, and that sounds like it fucking sucked, and I'm sorry it was that rough for you growing up. It sounds like you weren't given enough kindness and patience and explanations about things when you should have. And that really really sucks, I get that.

But you're not the only one who has struggled, and having a rough life doesn't give you the right to be an asshole to others or dictate how they are allowed to live their lives.

There's something important you aren't understanding here.

You have to try to understand what a social construct is. By definition, social constructs like gender and orientation and the language around them are constantly fluid and changing. Labels are fluid and are ours to pick or to ignore.

I feel a sense of better understanding of myself when I find a label I feel happy with. I feel peace and a sense of comfort that I'm not alone in my experiences. I feel a sense or community. So, for me personally, I love it when I find a label I feel fits me!

Other people feel that labels are restrictive, and that's okay too! No one has to use any labels that they don't want to identify with, and they really don't have to use any at all! The important thing is that the choices are ours to make.

See, you seem to have a fundamental misunderstanding about what being Queer means.

Trying to force strict rules on what queerness is is literally antithetical to the definition of queer. And someone outside the community like yourself absolutely does not get a say in how we define our queerness.

Queerness in and of itself, by definition... is literally a rejection of the strict rules society has always tried to force upon gender, orientation, and the like. Society tries so hard to force us into cis heteromantic heterosexual boxes, tries desperately to enact strict rules about who we can be and who we can care for.

The reason that there are so little rules in regards to how we can identify is that Queerness, at its very essence, is a rejection of the strict rules and labels that society forces upon us. Queerness is about breaking free or rules and boxes forced upon us by others. Historically, for decades the bisexual and lesbian communities were heavily intertwined and welcoming to each other and to letting their members identify as either or both if they wished.

Then, a bunch of biphobes decided that bi people were disgusting and dangerous for (many if not most of them) liking men. And the biphobes began trying to drive a wedge between the historically linked communities and force bisexuals out. Unfortunately, it seemed to work.

(here's one source I really enjoyed reading that taught me a lot about this bisexual and lesbian history!)

The link between the bi and lesbian communities once thrived, and then it was stolen from us by a bunch of biphobic assholes.

Bi lesbian is a rejection of the unjust rules society has tried to force upon us. It is a reclamation of the historical link that was ripped away from us by the hatred and bigotry of biphobes.

You need to learn how to be okay with not understanding every little thing. If you don't understand someone, talk to them, ask them questions. And if you still can't understand, that's okay! Because here's the thing: You don't have to understand something or someone to respect them. I don't understand every single xenogender or microlabel, but as long as they aren't based on hatred or bigotry, I am perfectly content to say "I can't say I understand it fully, but I'm happy you've found a label that brings you comfort and happiness with yourself!"

Identifying as bi lesbian is, at its core, an act of queer rebellion and reclaimation. The very essence of what being Queer is all about.

Friendships seen as something of less value than romantic relationships

I've always said this and I'll say it again, friendship isn't something "less" than a relationship and it shouldn't be viewed that way. I'm SO SICK of society's view on friendship and how it gets treated both in real life and on social media.

When it comes to family love, you don't say you love your family less than your romantic partner, you simply say that it's a different type of love, which it is, then why do so when it comes to your friends?

First of all, friendship love and romantic love are two completely different things, therefore they can't and shouldn't be compared. Let's not bring one type of love down in order to bring the other up.

Second of all, the sentence "he's more to me than just a friend" you just said about a person you have a crush on and barely ever talked to made you sound REALLY ungrateful. Why would they be "more than a friend"? Are they even your friend to begin with? What did they do to even get such a mark, what more could they possibly give you than your loyal friend who was by your side and let you cry on their shoulder for the past six years?

You either never had a genuine best friend who you loved, or you are way too obsessed with romance.

Seeing a healthy friendship and immediately assuming they are in love

This is also a weird thing a lot of people do, why would a person be in love with their best friend for writing an essay on how much they love and appreciate them? Or why would you even try to convince them that they are? Who are you to say that? You really think you understand their feelings better than the person who is feeling them? Let's normalize being grateful for your friends, shall we.

Friends elaborate on their platonic feelings for each other and yet people still laugh it off with "you will know in no time", "that's what they all say", "just kiss already" like what? How are you so ignorant? These two people just respectfully explained to you what they feel for each other and you are still forcing your romance ideals into them. Actual real people. Are you not considering the fact you might be making them feel really uncomfortable right now? Just stop and think.

Let's try this example of disrespect on another type of love, would you try to tell a couple "wow you are such good friends"? You wouldn't, right? Because they told you once they are a couple, so since they cleared it up for you, there's no need to keep telling them they are good friends, they would look at you weirdly if you did. Then why do that to two friends? It's also an unpleasant feeling to be told all the time that you and your best friend are in romantic love when it's not true, there are types of love, trying to prove to other people which one of them they are feeling for each other is disrespectful to say the least.

Strangers -> lovers & Friends -> lovers

I'm aware that two friends can become romantic partners later on, there's nothing wrong with that, but that still doesn't prove me wrong in what I'm trying to say. If two people love each other platonically and it's mutual, both knowing they aren't developing any romantic feelings, then you should respect it and shut up. You are not involved, why do you care so much?

When you and your friend fall in love and start dating, you can say you are friends and romantic partners, or just romantic partners, whatever you prefer. When you fall in love with a person before you even get the chance to be their friend and straight up start dating, I'd see you as romantic partners, without the friends label. Me personally, I think friendships are really important, you need your romantic partner to be also your friend, if they are not, you are most likely to break up later.

-

So yeah, that would be it, thanks for listening to my rant. Sometimes I just get angry and need to share my opinions.

All types of love are important and feel nice, making one seem better than the other is just illogical. Please appreciate everyone you love. Family, friends, partners and pets, they all make you happy and together make your life worth living, be grateful for them.

Ep. 8 - Know my love is all around

Hello my fellow souls,

welcome back to Danbi’s Room, your weekly dose of safe space. Go grab a cup of something warm and get yourself cosy.

I hope you had a nice week and that it wasn’t too stressful…always remember to rest, too.

I was talking to a butterfly this morning and that already made me think a lot. She always says very deep things. Well, I’m also quite the “over-thinker”, so I tend to think almost obsessively about some stuff. Even if, to be honest, I believe that “over-thinker”, is not a nice word. It’s the same as when people say somebody else is “too sensitive”. What does that actually mean? How much is “too” or “over”? The truth is that those are excuses, labels of oppression used to invalidate your feelings by people who are not interested in putting any effort into holding space for you. You’re not “too” or “over”, you’re simply surrounded by people who don’t care about you. It’s true, sometimes it’s because they’re not able to, because they’re hurt or whatever. They aren’t automatically bad people, but at the end of the day they’re still wounding you when all you need is love and ears who listen. And as excrutiating and brutal as this might sound, the only real choice you got is to look somewhere else. No grudges. Well, not necessarily at least. I know I’m talking about this in a rather abstract way, a bit distant from the contingencies of daily life, but it would be difficult to make my point otherwise.

Anyway, many of us tend to look at the negativities first. Why? Traumas and societal conditioning mainly. We aren’t ungrateful, we just have trust issues towards life. Obviously that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t work on that (for our own benefit) but sometimes we just need to start by being forgiving with ourselves. We need to be the first person who holds space for our own self, for our feelings, all of them. All of our emotions deserve love and respect, as expressions of our past and hints for our future. They’re all very precious. They’re for us. Like overcoming obstacles is for us. And you know you don’t have to climb the mountain. There isn’t just one way to do things. You can dig a tunnel through it or simply take a longer route and walk around it until you reach the other side. You can and should ask for advice, so that you can consider everything, but eventually it’s up to you. You’re the only one who knows better. Even being grateful serves us, not others: it makes us feel better and it helps in loving our life more. And, finally, nobody is in the position to say your feelings aren’t valid: they’re already valid simply because you’re feeling them and the perception others might have about them has no role other than that of point of view and advice, in case you ask for it. Nobody has the right to come and syndacate on the validity of your emotions.

I know this could come across as extreme and distant from what I’ve always said here on Danbi’s Room, but, as counter-intuitive as it might seem, it’s all actually functional to a loving and nurturing community. Of course in a community everybody helps each other, but that’s something that’s generated spontaneously and organically, learning to know others and making ourselves available when we understand the person in front of us is a soul akin to ours. Receiving is the consequence; the action we actively do, without expectations, is giving.

Give.

Love.

Feel everything deeply.

No accident can prevent you from dreaming, so dream like only a child can do. Dream gently but also strongly. Dream until your breath is taken away, dream like it were a crime. Dream and never stop, this life happens only once and nobody sends you a notice when the sand in the hourglass is running out.

So dream.

Dreams come true to those who truly want them.

Today’s song recommendation is Still With You by Eric Benét. I thought all-ecompassing love would be appropriate.

I hope you enjoyed this episode and that you have a beautiful week ahead of you!

I’ll see you in the next one, big hug!

With love, yours,

Danbi

OUR FARM - KTH. PROLOGUE

» Part 1

MASTERLIST

× paring: kim taehyung x reader (female reader)

x warnings: mentions of death, grief, workaholic behaviour, flirting, in some chapters (maybe) smut but I'll give a warning

x genre: slow-burn, farm life, coming of age, AU

x rating: maybe some explicit scenes, minors dni

x word count: 954

x inspiration: The Hannah Montana Movie

x teaser: Y/N is the adopted daughter of a farmers couple. She lives in the big city now and is the head of a fashion label. One day she receives bad news that her parents died in a car crash and that she is now the owner of the farm her parents left behind. Now a journey of healing and learning to love begins....

P R O L O G U E

"Love is the greatest healing power I know. Love can heal even the deepest and most painful memories because love brings the light of understanding to the darkest corners of our hearts and minds..." -Louise Hay

Time heals all wounds. That's what they say. In my case the wounds are very fresh. It hurts, and hiding in my bed under my blanket like a kid won't make it any better, I know that I still do it though. But that's what grief does to you, you simply don't care anymore. Although it's been a month, the loss of my parents, the people that chose me, that adopted me and gave me a better life, is unforgettable and tears up my heart ever since it happened.

They died in a car crash, while driving up from their farm towards the big city I live in, they wanted to see me for summer break. Although they are not my birth parents, they are my only parents. The only people that ever took care of me, they chose me and they made me the person I am. Now they are gone and I don't know what to do with my life anymore. It's like everything lost its order, all food lost its taste, every sight lost its color. It felt like my life has been accompanied by joyful music since the day they adopted me as a 6-year-old and it stopped since I received the news about their death a month ago. Such a tasteless, silent, monotone life its been now.

While soiling in my own misery, my work cellphone rang. It played my mom's favorite song, 'Castle On The Hill' by Ed Sheeran, the tune made me think she is calling me, but that's just because the song reminds me of her. Why is it even the tune of my work phone anyways? I guess I just wanted to be reminded of them while working all the time. Although I am kind of a workaholic, this time I just thought about letting it ring, but then I figured that I should answer because it might just be my assistant Namjoon wondering when I will return to work. I run a fashion label called Purple™ in the city and what can I say, I've been kind of slacking off since a month, because dealing with grief is just too much. But me being the head of the company requires me being there and doing what a boss does. So I got myself together, wiped a few tears and picked up the phone. "Y/N? It's Namjoon" he said carefully. "Hello Namjoon..." I sighed. Word got around fast and the people at work now know that their cold-hearted boss is griefing. I'm second guessing that they may have lost a little respect for me, because I just vanished after what happened. I really needed that time, although it was not psychologically good for me to lock myself in my apartment and rely on my best friend Hoseok to deliver food to me now and then.

"I'll be really blunt with you Y/N...we need you back. People are going crazy here because we need the new collection ready by the end of September and our CEO and main designer just vanished for a month. I know you are griefing Y/N, but maybe work will get your mind off of that for a moment." Namjoon told me with a concerned voice. There was a long silence. "Y/N? Are you still there?"

I sighed a long sigh and wiped a few stray tears away. "The collection will be ready by then, tell everyone not to worry. I have everything under control. I come into work tomorrow. See you then, bye." I quickly said and hung up, too scared that my once steady voice might crack.

After a few minutes the phone rang again, disturbing me in my misery and playing said ringtone again. What does he want now, I said I'll be there?! "Namjoon I hate to tell you this but you're getting on my nerves. I'll be there by tomorrow!" I spat angrily into the phone. "Ms. Y/L/N? This is Mr. Kim Seokjin, the notary and lawyer of your parents. Did you expect a ca from someone else I can hang up and-" a different voice than Namjoon's said through the phone. "Oh my god I am so sorry, my assistant keeps calling me and...You know what, that's unimportant right now. What did you want to talk about?" I said in hasty voice, too embarrassed by this incident in which I shouted at some random man through the phone. It is official, I am done with this life.

"Ms. Y/L/N, I would rather discuss your late parents inheritance personally with you than on the phone. Is tomorrow at 12  o'clock okay? Maybe at your office, for I've noticed that you'll be there tomorrow anyways." He said in a teasing voice. "Yes sure, tomorrow at twelve is fine by me. I will check with my assistant and text you if I'm free. Do you know the address?" I asked him unsure. There was a laugh and then he said "I guess it is rather easy to find the highest skyscraper in thus city. I'm familiar with your company, but who isn't Miss." I was unsure on how I should answer to this statement so I just thanked him and told him we'll see each other tomorrow and hung up.

I'm wondering what he is on about. I couldn't remember that my parents even decided to make a will or wanted to pass something on after they die. My parents were 'live in the moment' kind of people and never planned that far in advance. But now I guess they did plan ahead.

So I texted Namjoon and he sets everything up for tomorrow. I have a feeling I'll be in for a suprise.