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#no one wants to see your ugly ass dick bro

i-cant-sing · 3 months

Text

Hmmm I could get tired over any fandom but.... batfam???? Yall would never see me tired of talking about them.

Like think just how absolutely batshit crazy they'd go if reader fractures her limb or something. Maybe reader like slips off the stairs or falls from a swing or something, and the batfam- they have to watch it all happen in slow motion, and nothing- there's absolutely nothing they can do to help you. It's scarring for Dick to watch the color drain from your face as you drip to the ground. It's scarring for Jason to hear the nasty crack as your bone bends in an ugly handle. It's scarring for Tim to hear you scream in pain. It's scarring for Damian to see the blood pour out of your body. And it's oh so heart wrenching for Bruce to hear you cry into his chest as he carries you to Alfred to get your cast done.... how hopeless he felt, unable to soothe your pain.

But things only seem to go even more downhill from there. As you recover, the family has silently decided to double down on their paranoia and be even more coddling and protective of you. You wanna walk down the stairs? Nope, here comes big bro Jason to hold your hand- or better yet, carry you around in his arms. Why risk you even tripping over air?

Wanna get something from the top shelf? Stand back, dont need the shelf or something heavy falling over your head and cracking your skull open. Let Dick pull the cookie jar down for you- but why are you even eating cookies this late???? You need to get some healthy nutrients in you, lest you should have weak frail bones. Heres your broccoli.

Wanna play video games or go on socials? Well, no more! Dont need you getting influenced by the violent storylines and bad news from around the world- Tim wouldnt your mental health to be affected. If you really want, you can use his laptop... under his supervision.

What the fuck do you think youre doing staying up past your bedtime? What do you mean youre too old to have a bedtime???? Get your ass back in bed before Damian drags you back like a gremlin and REMINDS you of the bedtime he has set for YOU, because he doesnt need you becoming an insomniac and turning insane. He will not be the one to bust you out of Arkham asylum (he absolutely would, but hed be complaining all the way) just because you decided you didnt need your 10 hours of sleep!

Wanna go to your therapist? Well, you cant cause he suddenly moved far away and every other therapist in gotham is a maniac in disguise. Bruce doesnt get why you cant just talk to him about your feelings??? Dont you trust him? Your dear father, the very man whod hold you in his arms and shield you from the scary lightening when you were young? The very man who you would ramble on to about everything and anything, including tattling on Damian locking you in his room and throwing a tantrum when Jason took you away when you were all kids? You can tell him anything sweetie, even if you wanna bitch about the batfam... it'll hurt a bit, but hed be okay (absolutely has big sad eyes when you tell him how everyones just too suffocating for you and you wanna leave them)

#yandere batfam #yandere batfam x reader #yandere batman #yandere batboys #yandere bruce wayne #yandere damian wayne #yandere dick grayson #yandere jason todd #yandere tim drake

825 notes · View notes

whyse7vn · 7 months

Text

KAWAII -

[ ot7 x reader ]

SLUT CENTRAL 🤮

———————————

8 participants - 8 online

jin: so i just raised a slut like???

namjoon: ??

y/n: RIGHT ITS INSANE

jk: ur a father?

tae: where the sluts at lol

yoongi: honestly i could throw up

jimin: if i raised jungkook i would not be taking credit for that shit just saying

hobi: you raised me up

jk: i’m the slut? ☹️

jin: YES YOU ARE WHY

ARE YOU HALF NAKED ON WEVERSE

WHAT IS UR ISSUE???

jk: jimin did it first

jimin: UMM EXUSE ME????

IT WAS FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY MIGHT I ADD

DONT DRAG ME INTO UR MESS

hobi: wasn’t namjoon half naked the other day too?

namjoon: this isn’t about me

y/n: whores the lot of you!

tae: namjoon the biggest whore

namjoon: again this isn’t about me

tae: ok mr automatic dick

hobi: who was the automatic bitch?

y/n: what does that even mean

namjoon: yoongi was the one talking about his tongue technology

yoongi: ??????

leave me alone wtf

tae: ur all nasty

hobi: be honest are you a virgin

tae: ME????

ARE YOU SILLY LOOK AT ME

hobi: looking

i see a virgin

tae: if anyone is a virgin it’s jin

jin: okay wtf not true at all

jimin: he’s lived for like 79 years there’s no way he’s a virgin lmao

y/n: i mean think about that one photo

with the comdoms in the back

jin BEEN fucking!!

hobi: #kingsize

jin: i mean what can i say

jimin: you picked up the wrong size?

jin: kill yourself?

namjoon: could we not talk about the size of jin’s dick please and thank you

tae: right pls stop guy me and namjoon are getting turned on

jk: it’s ok me 3

jin: what

y/n: what

namjoon: what????

yoongi: strangling jungkook gotta feel better than opiates i just know it in my heart

jimin: retweet

tae: bro said retweet 😭😭😭😭

his ass is NOT on twitter 🤣🤣

y/n: you are so unfunny it makes me want to punch things

tae: i’m so into that

y/n: burn

tae: ummmm?

y/n: alive

tae: don’t hate me cuz you want to passionately kiss me on the mouth

y/n: would rather get shot 450 times

tae: fuck you never speak to me again

y/n: finally

tae: guys i miss her 😕💔

WRONG CHAT

WRONG CHAT FUCK YOU BYE

hobi: wow

jk: guys let’s start using tone indicators!

yoongi: ur ugly /srs

jk: ok nvm!

jimin: and she said she said she’s from hawaii /srs

namjoon: …

hobi: do you know how to say cute in japanese? /srs

jk: i do i do i do

namjoon: please stop

tae: did someone say japan lol???

jin: when you said bye i had hope you would be gone for more that 2 seconds

y/n: he said japanese

jimin: idiot

tae: they call me senpai down under

yoongi: ?

jk: in australia??

tae: tf is an australia??

yoongi: what the actual fuck is wrong with you?

tae: did you mean astronaut?

jk: maybe…

y/n: you didn’t

jk: i didn’t

hobi: naur

jin: pls don’t do this again

hobi: naur i have to mate

tae: somone call me senpai rn see what happens

y/n: no

jin: is he’s gonna do something weird?

i feel like he’s gonna do something weird

pls don’t do something weird

jk: let’s find out!!!

namjoon: let’s not!

jk: senpai~

tae: nnnuugghhhhhhhhh 😫

jin: told u

tae: what’s up baby 😉

yoongi removed tae from “SLUT CENTRAL 🤮”

jimin: i HATE jungkook

jk: /srs ?

jimin: /srs

jk: FUCK

hobi: personally if i was to ever get hit by a car i would just get up and walk away

like thats so embarrassing

am i a pussy?

absolutely NOT

jk: hobi btw i do know how to say cute in japanese

namjoon: what if your legs were badly hurt?

hobi: namjoon idk about YOU but hoseok is definitely gonna walk it off

namjoon: why are you talking in 3rd person?

jk: do you want to know how to say cute in japanese??

i can tell you

yoongi: no

jk: k y ee

y/n: oh my god

yoongi removed jk from “SLUT CENTRAL 🤮”

jimin: did he just say that

like fr

k y ee?

as in kawaii

im not hallucinating right

jin: unfortunately not

hobi: i need a car

it’s time to hit a couple people

yoongi: talking to them kills me inside

jin: i’m here for u yoongi

yoongi: and you

jin: hobi make sure you hit him too

jin added tae to “SLUT CENTRAL 🤮”

jin added jk to “SLUT CENTRAL 🤮”

jin: karma

tae: sometimes i call the number on missing dog posters and just bark

jk: hi guys i’m back thx for adding me back jin hi guys i’m back did you miss me cuz i’m back now so it’s ok

namjoon: you bark?

tae: so they think it’s their dog trying to contact them

but it’s not

cuz it’s me

jimin: why would they think it’s their dog?

how tf a dog gonna use a phone

tae: dogs don’t normally use phones?

guess yeontan just built different 🤷🏻‍♂️

i mean what do you expect from a son of mine

hobi: he’s built different cuz you don’t feed him

y/n: LAMSOSOKSKD THAT IS NOT FUNNY AT ALL YOU CANT SAY THAT OH MY GODJDJDJDJJFJFN

jimin: HELP THATS CRAZY

yoongi: wow

namjoon: guys please

jin: INSANE HOSEOK INSANE

tae: ok that was not funny at all

i look after him

really well actually

i swear

i feed him

i do

jk: i believe you tae

tae: you do? 🥺

jk: yeah

tae: thanks jungkook i love you

jk: ok

tae: ok?

jk: ok?

tae: okay

jk: okay

tae: fucking whore whose the other woman then??

jk: guys help i’m really scared rn

jimin: omg speaking of that fucking mutt

tae: MUTT???

jimin: bro has NO stage presence at ALL

expressions lame as hell and all he did was run around trying to get camera time he looked a fool

hobi: dozen core

y/n: was his first performance pls don’t make fun of him he’s trying his best :(((

jimin: his best wasn’t good enough

tae: HE WORKED VERY HARD FOR THAT STAGE

jimin: it did not show

jk: bam could of done it better

yoongi: would of shit on stage

jimin: still would of been better than whatever yeontan was doing

tae: can you leave him alone omg

he was nervous

jimin: i’ll cook him

hobi: do you know how to say cute in japanese?

jk: yes

i do

namjoon: stop

jk: i can give you a hint if you don’t know namjoon

namjoon: jungkook please don’t talk to me

jimin: he’s losing it guys

y/n: lowkey hot

i love a man on the edge

tae: just say ur a slut

y/n: ??

yoongi: tae shut the fuck up

jimin: that so screams i have never felt the touch of a woman before

tae: how tf u think i made yeontan?

jk: you fucked a dog??????

tae: wait no wtf

jk: oh MH GOD GUYS TAE FUCKED A DOG

that’s illegal

i hope

OHMY GOD CALL TBE POLICE

hobi: that’s gross i’m gonna throw up

tae: THATS NOT TRUE HES LYING I DIDNT STOP PLS

jin: where is namjoon when you need him change the the subject i’m begging you

namjoon: i think i'm having a psychotic break rn

y/n: holds you and whispers it's gonna be okay

jimin: kill your neighbor kill your neighbor kill your neighbor

tae: GUYSBPLS BELIEVE ME

IM CRYING

SOBBING PLS

IM GONNA THROW UP EVERYWHERE

IVE HAD SEX

WITH A WOMAN BEFORE NEVER A DOG

PLS IM TELLINV THE TRUTH PLS

GIYS

PLS HWLLO

GIUSYSSSJSJJDD

PLEASE

y/n: can’t wait for the day it’s gc gets leaked

we will all be locked up

jimin: severing 10 years not even that bad if you think about it

yoongi: tae severing at least 25

tae: NOT TRUE

namjoon serving life

little drug abuser

y/n: be fr the worst drug joon has done is take 4 paracetamols at one time

jk: 4?????

WOW JOON U CRAZY

namjoon: no

hobi: caught namjoon sipping lean on august 13th 2023 10:45 pm

namjoon: no you didn’t

hobi: u right i didn’t

sorry guys i like to lie

jin: that’s a problem actually

hobi: i’m working on it

tae: work harder

jimin: tell ur dog that

tae: CAN YOU LEAVE HIM ALONE

yoongi: can you come over

tae: yeah

yoongi: wrong chat mb

and why tf would i be taking to you

tae: i’m gonna shoot myself

jin: who you inviting over yoongi omg 🙈

should i bring you a nda??

jk: nine dead animals?

y/n: no jungkook

jk: oh

namjoon: breathe in breathe out

jk: personally i’m worried if i give good head or not because no one has ever willingly asked me to give them head so is my head that bad you don’t even want me to try

jin: invest in a diary pls

jk: cant i’m lacktoes intolerant :(

jimin: lactose?

y/n: and the way thats not even true

hobi: the head or the lactose part?

tae: trust me bro ur head crazy good

jk: fr?

tae: fr

it’s so good girls afraid to ask

jk: girls?

tae: boys?

jk: boys???

tae: people????

jk: what people??

tae: you have like people ur fucking right?

jk: no?

tae: what?

jk: no people

jimin: are you expecting a rando to just to ask you to given them head?

jk: no?

jin: i’m so confused

jk: y/n

y/n: yes?

yoongi: no

y/n: ?

namjoon: moving on

hobi: you think tae’s dog can learn black swan?

tae: he has a name yk?

hobi: say my name say my name

jk: jung hoseok

hobi: thx

jk: yes

k y ee

namjoon left “yeontan ugly”

tae: THE GC NAME??????

WHO DID THAT

y/n: poor joonie see what you guys do to him?

jimin: bet he’s gone to see his automatic bitch

hobi: robot sex

yoongi: what??

hobi: cyber sex doja cat

jin: illuminati

jk: when did he become poor thats so sad i’m here for him if he ever needs ¥

yoongi: why would he need yen?

jk: who is yen?

tae: NO IM SO FR WHO CHANGED THE GC NAME TO THAT

ITS NOT TRUE BTW

MY BABY TAKES AFTER ME

jimin: oh no i’m praying for him ❤️

tae: IT WAS U WASNT IT

ALWAYS KNEW U WERE A JELOUS LOSER

jk: guys ur not being very k y ee rn

yoongi: i’m going to skin you alive

313 notes · View notes

mulletmitsuya · 1 year

Text

Toman groupchat (everyone's alive so everyone is here, it's also extremely long)

Warnings: swearing, suggestive! chaos, kinda offensive (no offensive terms used)

Desc: this is how they joined toman btw wakui texted me and said this

Takemitchy: ok everyone's here now

Mikey: yeah we added everyone

Mikey: me and Mitchy made a groupchat that'll have all of us here so that we can all be friends. you cannot leave🙂

Izana: i want to call you a homophobic slur

Ran: unprovoked?

Baji: with Takemitchy and Mikey, it's always provoked

Rindou: aren't there actual gay people that you'll offend tho. i won't let the gays be offended by this

Rindou: Takashi don't worry i'll protect you bro

Mitsuya: great

Hakkai: leave him alone Ran😐

Ran: i didn't even do anything Hakkai leave me alone 😭

Takemitchy: only peace and love here guys

Smiley: bull fucking shit

Smiley: i will cause problems intentionally you fucknut

Angry: Smiley😡

Mochi: this isn't gonna work but okay

Smiley: shave off your eyebrows and start again

Mochi: they'll just grow back the same, motherfucker😐

Smiley: you didn't do that to look cool??

Mochi: no

Smiley: what side did you get them from?

Mochi: my moms?

Mochi: why does this matter

Smiley: she must be ugly as shit, damn

Senju: naur 💀

Mochi: i'm going to be violent with you

Smiley: come at me bro

Smiley: nvm you're 6'5 and built like a gorilla

Smiley: i'll accept my loss here

Mikey: i get so happy when i see you all like this

Baji: man stfu you always saying some weird shit

Baji: you and Takemitchy are weird and i'm on to you

Baji: always talking about how "the fruit of our labour has finally flourished"

Baji: weird

Mikey: i never said that wtf😭

Kakucho: Takemitchy did, he says it a lot

Takemitchy: uh do i? it's a lyric from a song that's stuck in my head lmao

Kakucho: you always say it while crying and looking at all of us you weirdo

Izana: this is why people used to be hanged for being gay

Mikey: can u leave him alone

Izana: i don't have to listen to you, i'm older

Mikey: ok, no pupils head ass

Izana: ok, no bitches head ass

Emma: stop fighting, I'll tell Shini-nii☹️

Izana: you're such a pick me Emma oh my god

Emma: i'm not, i only needed one man to pick me😚

Draken: 🙂

Emma: 😕

Draken: ...

Emma: 😒

Draken: 😑

Draken: fine

Draken: i love you Emma, my beautiful girlfriend and future wife❤

Emma: i love you too Kennyy omg😭❤❤❤

Senju: you just forced him to say that why r u so happy 💀

Yuzuha: why am i here

Takemitchy: we need a few responsible people who r scary

Yuzuha: but...nvm

Draken: why do you have fangirls following you

Yuzuha: idk i'm just pretty great

Draken: fair

Chifuyu: i wish i had fangirls

Kazutora: you're ugly

Chifuyu: 😐

Baji: if y'all start again i'll ram a cactus down your throats

Chifuyu: I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING

Baji: Kazutora's troubled, stop provoking him. you make eye contact for too long

Baji: you know that agitates him

Kazutora: 😋

Mikey: why r u talking about him like he's a creature or smth

Baji: to some extent he is

Kazutora: hey

Chifuyu: but Baji-san he's doing this on purpose this is so unfair 😭

Draken: Kazutora stop using the mentally ill card

Kazutora: fine, jeez😒

Senju: it's great to have friends tbh

Sanzu: don't say that, it's embarassing

Shion: i still don't believe Sanzu's a dude

Shion: he's too pretty and petite like a girl idc

Shion: like you'll have to take your dick out and show it to me for me to believe me you

Rindou: yo?

Baji: 🤨

Mikey: dude...

Hakkai: can you ever behave

Chifuyu: c'mon man

Smiley: fucking Shion man

Izana: why did you speak

Shion: aren't we all equal here

Izana: who told you that

Shion: your brother, sir

Mucho: Shion stop talking

Shion: y'all switch up rq huh😒

Rindou: everyone shut up and pay attention to me

Mitsuya: i mean this genuinly, i hate it here

Rindou: you're a hater

Mitsuya: that's what i just-

Mitsuya: 😊

Rindou: ok now that Mitsuya's done whining i need help with my stage name

Angry: for what bestie

Rindou: DJing

Hakkai: i thought i was bestie but okay 😒

Angry: you're both bestie

Rindou: i thought I was bae tho lol

Angry: um 🙁

Rindou: i was joking you're ugly

Rindou: this is why your brother has bitches and you don't

Angry: why'd u get so triggered

Angry: and we have the same face😐

Rindou: it's different

Ran: shhhhh this is getting nowhere

Rindou: but my stage name

Smiley: stfu Ran you're a homosexual

Izana: i knew it 😟

Chifuyu: it's always violence with y'all damn

Mikey: OHHH THAT'S WHY U STAND LIKE THAT LMAO

Kakucho: i thought Ran was popular with the ladies

Angry: so which is it Ran? homo or hetero

Kazutora: 💀

Ran: whatever i feel that day

Ran: a hole is a hole after all

Mucho: can you not

Sanzu: 🤢

Rindou: he's lying to you he has no bitches

Rindou: all he does is sleep and do his hair

Ran: i never claimed to have bitches all i did was say i don't have a preference when it comes to gender or sex

Ran: why do people attack me for no reason i'm just sitting here being pretty

Mikey: two flamboyant bisexuals

Mikey: silly Koko and silly Ran

Koko: pls don't say that

Mikey: that you're silly?

Koko: uh, yes

Mikey: ok silly goose

Koko: 😐

Baji: i hate you all and wish i wish i was dead

Baji: i would rather stab myself to death than be here

Mikey: don't fucking say that Keisuke😐

Mikey: i don't find you funny

Mikey: why would you say that

Baji: damn chill what's wrong with you

Takemitchy: we shouldn't joke about death😐

Takemitchy: and let's remember that suicide isn't the only option

Takemitchy: there's always help❤👊

Baji: DO U GUYS SEE WHAT I MEAN

Baji: THEY'RE WEIRD

Inupi: suspicious

Senju: shut up pretty boy

Senju: you're absolutely gorgeous

Senju: that didn't come out the way i wanted it to

Inupi: ?

Sanzu: how did you want it to come out???

Kazutora: i mean he's not wrong he's so beautiful

Kazutora: not in a gay way tho like it just is what it is

Inupi: ...thank you, i guess

Kazutora: i wanna fuck him

Kazutora: idk what happened there, my bad

Chifuyu: chill out

Kazutora: you have a tiny dick

Chifuyu: 😐

Baji: Kazutora c'mon man

Baji: i'm starting to think you're the problem

Kazutora: i'm just flirting

Kazutora: in a homie typa way if ykwim

Baji: i do not

Hanma: good morning my cockroaches

Smiley: fuck you

Hanma: it's a bdsm today💘

Hanma: we should go out and have a beach day and catch jellyfish so that they can sting us and we can pee on each other to stop the pain

Hanma: who ever gets peed on first loses haha

Mitsuya: who even let you in here

Smiley: you gotta go to jail for that

Smiley: he can't keep getting away with this

Draken: wait what did he mean when he said it's a bdsm day am i the only one who's concerned

Kisaki: he thinks it means beautiful day sunny morning

Draken: oh...ok

Mikey: ain't no way

Kazutora: i'll send you a link Hanma dw bro I got you

Kisaki: don't we're in public

Hanma: ohoho this is inhumane why are they doing that🤠

Kisaki: curse you, Kazutora

Kazutora: don't kink shame

Baji: please stop watching graphic porn

Kazutora: no one wants to have sex with me what else should i do

Chifuyu: it's cause of the way you act

Kazutora: let's go outside real quick

Chifuyu: i'm sick of you let's go

Emma: they are going to kiss

Senju: it's giving enemies to loves slow burn

Baji: it's all coming together

Smiley: stop normalizing gay people🙏

Mikey: homophobes get fired from Toman

Smiley: fine

Smiley: slay or whatever the fuck ❤🧡💛💚💜👁👅👁🏳️‍🌈

Yuzuha: feels like a hatecrime tbh

Yuzuha: anyway me and Hakkai r getting on the plane so our phones r gonna be off

Hakkai: see you soon Taka-chan 😊

Mitsuya: yeah stay safe🧡

Angry: what about the rest of us 🙁

Draken: kys Shiba's

Hakkai: huh???

Yuzuha: what'd we do even

Mitsuya: Draken? why'd u say that

Draken: what did I say??

Mikey: kys=kill yourself

Draken: no???

Draken: kys=keep yourself safe

Mikey: who told him that

Smiley: 😁

778 notes · View notes

imnotsimpingyouare · 11 months

Text

UPPERMOONS' ROLE IN THE BEDROOM

NSFW Headcannons - Minors DNI

For Gyutaro, Daki, and Kaigaku

●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●

Gyutaro

KINKY

All I have to say

He's put in a sub space easily because bro has no clue what he's doing

He's never been touched this way, nor has he ever thought of touching someone this way

(Until you came along)

Huuuuge praise kink

Like he just wants to be your pretty boy 😢

He will do anything to please you just to hear you call him that

Begging, whining, the whole shebang

He feels like no one would ever touch an ugly demon like him this way, why you? He's very insecure

I feel like he may go feral and just use you one day when he comes home

Probably after a really bad day, or Muzan scolding him for letting Daki hold him back

Like he just comes home and completely defiles you

He wants to witness your little fall from grace, wants to bring you down to his level and punish you for 'messing with him'

Literally just you loving him but go off I guess 😭

He wouldn't stop until you're absolutely wrecked, his cum leaking from everywhere his dick will fit

(Or won't fit)

Even after he'd tell you he's so sorry, so sorry for destroying darling

-> softer sex with lots of praising and reassurance that you truly do love him 😢

Daki

Such a brat 😭😭

Like she can keep up with her customers, but she doesn't have to keep up the facade around you

Cute, sweet, docile little lady -> GONE

She does not want to be dominated AT ALL

In fact, she hates you trying to assert power over her

She degrades you like nobody's business 🥺

It gets her wet knowing you accept that she's better than you, and more powerful

She's only doing this 'to get herself off'

It is my opinion she has LOTS of toys to mess you up with.

Like a whole collection BDSM shit

Step on me

She will do that btw

Does not hesitate to put you in your place

You're below her, and that's final

Need to cum? You better ask permission

You BETTER ask permission

Her punishments are brutal

She likes to edge you, and having infinite stamina she can do that all night if she so desires

Better not cross her 🤫

What really gets her going is when you compliment her. She lovesssss that food for her ego, someone as cute as you begging and praising her while she's destroying you

will peg you any day of the week

In reality, her and her brother have it in common that they really just love to be loved for who they are hot demons instead of what they look like

Daki will cuddle with you after your sessions, showering eachother in love and praise 🥺

Kaigaku

Bitch boy 😤

Acts all tough, but he likes it when you fight back and take what's yours

No joke though if you piss him off, he will annihilate you

He secretly wants to get caught balls deep in you (as long as it's not Koku)

It boosts his confidence to take you, wrap his hand around your neck and wreck you until you can't handle it anymore

When he does submit to you though, he's always challenging your authority

(He likes to be punished by you, he thinks it's so hot when you're upset with him)

His moans are 😩✋️

He knows it too, this bitch will moan in your ear on purpose, saying things like "my peach, you feel so fucking good on my cock, do you like that?"

He doesn't give two fucks how loud he is

cannot wait to see this mf animated 💀

He'll tease and bully you until the very end, telling you "you better not fucking cum"

On the other hand, his bratty demeanor will dissolve when he gets close, and you like to make him taste his own medicine

He HATES it (loves it) when you tease him back

It turns him on beyond belief

Like you two can just be talking but the moment you've got something sassy to say, you better be ready to face HORNY KAIGAKU.

He loves to degrade and be degraded

His aftercare is usually very half-assed, bro just falls asleep 💀

He'll clean you up a little if you're really fucked out

He prefers you to clean eachother up and talk a little bit after, like a mutal thing

Funny thing is demons don't even sleep 💀 like he just does it because he's addicted to the feeling of sleeping after fucking

His favorite thing 😭

#demon slayer #kimetsu no yaiba #kny #kny smut #kny x reader #kny headcanons #kny gyutaro #gyuutarou #gyutaro #kny daki #gyutaro and daki #kaigaku #kny kaigaku #minors fuck off

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warringwarrioridiot · 2 months

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"They was asking for it"

YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT YOU'RE ASKING FOR?? A BIG FAT BASEBALL BAT TO THE BACK OF THE SKULL AT FULL SPEED MAX ISTG

Mfs like this need to take a long walk off of a short cliff cus if I EVER catch them I'm gonna commit some good old fashion homicide.

If you say things like "You should've enjoyed it" or "at least you got some" I'm tracking your IP and shoving ten cacti in your anal hole and/or vagina.

"game is game 🤪"

You need to shut your ketchup stain, Junkrat main, micro brain, aluminium chain, ankle sprain, CHOCOLATE RAIIIIN, with your runny nose dirty toes lick hobos cOwAbUnGa BrOs, Dude, I want you to look at your entire life. All your life choices. And tell me when you had an original idea in your brain. Your ass got kicked out and disowned and you started aggressively tapping the home button on your IPhone "Oh, help. Why is it not working?". YOUR ENTIRE EXISTENCE IS LIKE A NARUTO FILLER EPISODE, MY BOY! YOUR PRANKS ARE AS REPETITIVE AS THE AD "Whopper, Whopper, Whopper, Whopper" YOUR BRAIN IS JUST AS REAL AS THE LOVE YOUR PARENTS HAVE FOR YOU! YOUR GRANDMA GAVE BLING BLING BOY A LAP DANCE FOR PAY DAY. Wait hold on! *Punch punch punch* GIVE ME THE MONEY YOUR GRANDMA! I JUST ROBBED YOUR GRANDMA! I JUST HIT A LICK ON YOUR GRANDMA, HOW DOES THAT FEEL?! SHE POOR AS HELL NOW! YOU PUT A BALLOON ON YOUR HEAD AND THOUGHT IT WAS A DURAG! YOU LIKE RONALD MCDONALD FROM OHIO! "HEYA KID! YOU WANT A BIG MAC?!" WHEN YOU WALK DOWNSTAIRS YOUR WHOLE HOUSE STARTS RUMBLING! YOU BRING THE POWER OF EREN YEAGER AND 37 COLOSSAL TITANS DOWN YOUR STAIRCASE! AFTER YOU EAT DINNER YOU EAT THE PLATE AND THEN YOU EAT THE TABLE AS WELL! CHOMP CHOMP! YOU RENT OUT THE GAP BETWEEN YOU TEETH AS A PARKING SPACE FOR ANTS! YOU LOOK EMO ASF "CUT MY LIFE INTO PIECES! THIS IS MY LAST RESORT! SUFFOCATION! NO BREATHING!" LOOK AT YOUR NOSE YOU HAVE TWO MARIO PIPES COMING OUT OF YOUR HEAD! YAHOO! LET'S A GO! THEY MADE A SEQUEL TO FINDING NEMO BASED OFF YOUR ASS CALLED "LOCATING CHROMOSOMES! IN THEATRES THIS JULY!" YOUR BEST FRIEND IS A RAT LIVING UNDER YOUR BED IN A PRINGLES CAN! YOU POSTED AN INSTAGRAM STORY ABOUT A JAMAICAN CRICKET GIVING YOU A LAP DANCE IN THE BACK OF TOYS R US! YOU TORTURED AN ANT BY TYING HIM TO YOUR BUTTHOLE AND FARTING ON HIM! I HAVE MORE ROASTS YOU KNOW! YOUR GRANDMA IS A DARK SOULS BOSS CALLED "THE WRINKLE!

EW NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO THERE IS NO WAY! THAT THIS... OLD ASS FART WRINKLE IS TALKING TO ME IN SUCH A DISRESPECTFUL MANNER. YOU KNOW IT'S ACTUALLY KINDA SAD YOU'RE OLD ENOUGH TO BE A GRANDPA NOW BUT INSTEAD OF ADVANCING YOUR BIOLOGICAL CHAIN YOU'VE INSTEAD SPENT YOUR DAYS ALONE IN YOUR ROOM READING HITLER MANIFESTOS AND COSPLAYING AS A FUCKIN' NEO NAZI. SO MANY YEARS AND SUCH LITTLE ADVANCEMENT. No seriously! Seriously I find it amusing THAT YOUR PENCIL PENIS DONKEY KONG BARREL BUILT LOOKIN' ASS WOULD ASSUME THAT I EVEN REMOTELY CARE ABOUT A SINGLE ONE. NO NO NO FUCK THAT. A SINGLE SYLLABLE OF THE VERBAL DIARRHEA GARGLE THAT'S COMING OUT OF THE DUSTY SARLAC PIT YOU CONSIDER TO BE YOUR FUCKING MOUTH! YOU WANT ME TO SHOW YOU MY FACE?? YOU WANNA SEE MY FUCKIN' FACE??? BITCH SHOW ME YOUR FUCKIN' HAIRLINE CAUSE I KNOW THERE'S NO WAY YOU'RE SPEAKING TO ME RIGHT NOW DRESSED UP AS A GOD DAMN DIABOLICAL BOY SCOUT. NAH LOOK AT THEM TEETH. BOY YOUR TEETH IN CREATIVE MODE. HELL NAH BOY STOP PLAYING YOU TOO OLD FOR THIS SHIT. BRO THEY GOT FOSSIL RECORDS FOR EACH ONE OF YOUR FAT ROLLS. NAH STOP PLAYING WITH ME BOY I CAN'T TAKE YO ASS SERIOUSLY WHEN YOU DRESS UP LIKE A GODDAMN MEDIEVAL TERRORIST. BRO IS ABOUT TO SHOOT UP HIS OLD FOLKS HOME WITH A CROSSBOW AND A FUCKING TREBUCHET. YA YEET DOM DOM DOM DOM DOM DOM! SHUT YO UGLY ASS UP. WHAT THE FUCK? A HE AHHH EEEEE SHUT UP BITCH. YOU WANT ME TO TURN ON MY CAMERA? YO DICK BUILT LIKE A INVERTED BANANA. YO FOREHEAD CRACKED UP LIKE THE AFRICAN SAVANNAH. I CAUGHT YOU AND YO SISTER BUTT NAKED LAST NIGHT. SWEET HOME ALABAMA. FUCK YOU THINK THIS IS? WHAT IS YOU WEARING WITH YO GODDAMN HONEY WHERE IS MY SUPER SUIT? NAH BOY LOOK AT YO ROOM, YO HOUSE DIRTY AS HELL. YOU GOT FOUR SEWER RATS IN YO BATH TUB RIGHT NOW FLOATING ON TOP OF A PIZZA BOX SINGING. "YO HO THIEVES AND BEGGARS". LIKE SHIT, BOY I CAUGHT YOU HAVING AN EMOTIONAL CONVERSATION WITH YO TOE NAIL LAST NIGHT. WE COULD'VE BEEN SUPER STARS REMEMBER WHEN WE AS JACKING CARS. YOU AND YO TOE NAIL WAS GOING TO BE THE DYNAMIC DUO. BITCH YOU WAS GONNA BE IN AMERICA'S GOT TALENT SWINGING THAT SHIT AROUND LIKE A FUCKING BOOMERANG. SHUT YO STUPID ASS UP. BRUH I CAUGHT YOU JACK SPARROW RUNNING AROUND YOUR HOUSE WHILE YOUR DAD WAS TRYING TO BEAT YOU WITH A TOILET PLUNGER LAST NIGHT. COME HERE BOY! SHUT YO ASS UP. BITCH EVERYTIME YOU TAKE A SHIT THE GAME OF THRONES THEME SONG STARTS PLAMMERING IN YO HOUSE.BUM BUA BUM BUDUM BUM. SHUT YO UGLY ASS UP BRUH.

Are you getting mad?

DAMN You getting mad now! Cuz yo Legal name is Ledenhouser Strogenberg. Nah don't be Smiling now boy You ain't slick Boy! I caught you in the locker room after gym class Frantically wiping yo armpits down With a kleenex While tryna smell good For the girls In the hallway. OI ZOINKS! I GOTTA- I GOTTA HURRY UP. SHUT YO ASS UP YOU LIKE A DIABETIC TOASTER STRUDEL. YOU UGLY AHH AS HELL. YOU GOT THEM BIG ASS HUMPTY DUMPTY PANTS ON BRUH. YOU USE A FRUIT ROLL UP AS A BELT TO HOLD UP YO BUNG DU BUNGLA. Shut yo ugly Ass up You got Mineral deposits In your Belly button. You dumb As hell You thought Google drive Was a brand new Taxi service. Bitch yo Grandma Threw a Rage spell On the kitchen floor And started Smacking you with A weiner schnitzel. Shut yo ass up You a Diabolical Special needs Student. Boy you was In the back of a Short bus Maniacally Planning How you was gonna Take over Your school.HMMMMM YEAHHHHHHHHHH It will be MINE! Shut yo Ass up, Boy I caught you Butt Naked Playing gorilla tag With a mouse in your Kitchen. Yo ass Be sliding around The counters Like a paraplegic Frozone. Gotta Catch 'em ALL! Shut yo ass up With yo "I got a feeling Ooooooooo!" Everytime yo Grandpa Tickles yo Butthole. Shut yo Stupid ass up You thought the One chip challenge Was sticking a Hot cheeto Up your buttcrack. Ok! Here we go Everybody! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Shut yo Dirty ass up Get yo ass on bruh.

It's actually so fucking sad these people still exist in 2024.

Istg misogynists and forced birth extremists and rapists are the most atrociously ugliest love-lacking idiots.

Image ref:

I rest my fucking case, your honor. Kill every single one of these people before I do it myself.

#feminism #warringwarrioridiot #misogynistic people are dumb asf #kill all rapists #end rape #thank you #i rest my case

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andsheoverthinks · 1 year

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on femcels and women's right to be horny (and have feelings in general)

i understand how being voluntarily celibate can be empowering especially for het women, but both men and women are in denial and believe women cannot be involuntarily celibate, even though the person who started the term was a woman named Alana. unfortunately now Alana's movement isn't about shy late bloomers, it's about stupid misogynist hateful serial killer rapist men. i hate that they took this term away from women.

why does everyone talk about Elliot Rodger but not Christine Chubbuck? why is a hateful misogynist serial killer tragic and overanalyzed and moralized and even worshipped while a sad, lonely woman who killed herself unimportant? in fact, many of the comments on a post about her suicide call her ugly or a horrible person, or worse, say they want to see the video, even asking where they can watch it. women's pain isn't real, it's just entertainment.

the way people talk about women's experience of romance and sexuality is very isolating for me. there's this belief that all women are swimming in dick and lusty DMs and men willing to drop everything for us and someone asked us to prom in high school and it's not true. i wish we could have more discussions about women who are late bloomers, women who are horny and unwanted and undesirable, women who are seen as below 'normal women' in a patriarchial society. if you aren't desirable, men may not see you as a sexual utility but they will still see you as free therapy, free to offload work on, and a resource to 'practice on' to learn to court and charm 'real women.' men ask for my number to pick my brain and drain me. to ask me to do their thinking and their work for them.

ugly women are invisible. sometimes this invisibility to men (and women) keeps me safe around them. sometimes it makes me want to curl up into a ball and cry because i've felt so inconsequential my whole life. like sometimes people see right through me.

i am not even that fucking ugly! i am black, and i'm flat chested with no ass, and my face is a little asymmetrical, and my top teeth need braces so i have a better bite, but i'm not even that fucking ugly! i dress nice, and i wear makeup (sorry radfems, i'm weaning myself off), and i smell nice! i'm not even that fucking ugly! i have reverse body dysmorphia or something. i look in the mirror when i've feeling like shit, and think wow, i'm actually kind of cute. would i get followers on social media? no. but i'm not even that fucking ugly.

it's deadly to your self-esteem to know that men would fuck anything and you're below anything. you are not just a woman, which is an object, you are a defective object. it's hard to talk about this because people see sexual exploitation as wrong, but don't care about emotional exploitation. when men aren't sexually active, it's a crisis and we have to talk about legalizing prostitution because women are resources not people, when women aren't sexually active, it doesn't matter because women don't have needs and feelings. especially as a black woman, i am expected to give give give. the only reason my body is not one of things i'm expected to give is because no one wants it. everything else? give give give. ever read the giving tree?

and everyone says well if it bothers u so much there has to be a guy willing to fuck you (use you as masturbation sleeve) somewhere in the world! after all u are warm body w pussy someone will come along to use u as blowup sex doll! go on tinder and sell ur body for $3.50 coffee! you want to have mutally enjoyable sex with someone who cares about you and maybe loves you and doesn't just see u as wet holes w legs? fuck you, uppity bitch! no wonder you're single!

u tried asking men out? they said no? well u must have went for 6 foot 9 figures 12 inch dick man? is that right? no? ofc you did, lying bitch!

no one would ever say this shit to a man. keep your head up bro! these hoes ain't loyal! lemme tell u what, take a shower and get a job and the bitches be flocking to u! i was just like u bro, then i met my hot wife! get ur passport and get out this country, these modern women are ran-through bitches, find urself a submissive traditional woman from (insert Slavic or Asian country).

the idea of femcels, especially dissatisfied femcels, makes terminally online men so so angry. because it suggests that women do have feelings and needs. and we shouldn't. femcels are transgressive. we're not supposed to exist. even funnier, it suggests that some of them whining and raving, have actually been turning down perfectly good women who don't fit their porn-informed standards.

if i say i want to have a romantic experience at least once before i die, i'll be told i'm just brainwashed or dick-struck (never seen one in real life) or some other kind of delusional. you don't really need it. you don't really want it. what is with the obsession of forcing women into self-denial? nothing tastes as good as skinny feels! stop fantasizing about getting to have a sloppy makeout session, you don't really want it. of course women are better than men at reducing their carbon footprint, we're used to limiting our consumption.

but it's not true, i fucked myself up already believing i didn't deserve to experience desire and have a sexuality because i was too ugly and you're not pushing me back there again. being horny is my right, i'm human too.

#ranting #femcel #female hysteria #radfem #radfems do touch #i'm not even that fucking ugly #desirability politics #desirability #misogyny #tw suicide

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laylanatorseventeen · 2 years

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tbh the more I think about it mass effect 3 kind of sucked. before I start dunking on it, a couple good things:

*actually, first, uh, warning. I don't like Kaidan. I don't like Ashley. Mild character bashing ahead.*

-enemy design actually awesome. the reaper forces were cool and unique and I liked them. Cerburus forces, while annoying, also good designs.

-i got to kill Udina. Fuck that bitch.

-Geth Shotgun My Beloved

-Getting to know the geth better. They got done so dirty but I appreciate the worldbuilding

Bad things about the game, both big time and small time things that annoyed me personally:

-all the annoying tedious fetch missions. Like bro. Bro. Is this really necessary. I'm not even getting to shoot anything.

-Kai Lengs whole existence. I hate you you pretentious ass dressed like an emo 13 year old ass bitch. Fucking big talk from a motherfucker who never landed a hit on me in any of our "fights" despite having backup and a literal gunship. Fuck you, and fuck whoever came up with your infuriating ugly bitch ass.

-in mass effect 2 you make all these bonds with these awesome characters. and then they get tossed aside in mass effect 3. Like no offense Traynor and James and whoever the fuck else but like bro literally why not just let me have the CREW I HAD BEFORE

-THEY CHANGED THE FUCKING NORMANDY AGAIN AND NOW NOT ONLY DO I NOT KNOW WHERE ANYTHING OR ANYBODY IS BUT I ALSO CANT SEE SHIT TURN ON THE FUCKING LIGHTS

-Kaidan/Ashley mouthing off to me in the first mission and then like I send JAMES back to the shuttle???? Bitch!!!! When will Bioware let me slap Kaidan in the mouth. Ashley too. The Reapers are literally fucking here, I do not give a rats flea bitten ass what you think of me. We literally have bigger problems, shut up or find another ship to serve on hoe

-adjacent to that, WHY AM I STILL PANDERING TO BUREAUCRATIC BULLSHIT!!! IT IS LITERALLY THE END OF FUCKING LIFE AS WE KNOW IT!!! I HAVE SAID IT BEFORE BUT PERHAPS NEVER SO EMPHATICALLY: FUUUUUUCK THE COUNCIL

-AND THE ASARI COUNCILOR AFTER THESSIA. WHY ARE THERE NO DIALOGUE OPTIONS. THEY JUST MAKE YOU BE A LITTLE SHRINKING VIOLET AS IF I DON'T HAVE A FEW WORDS OF MY OWN FOR THAT BITCH. LIKE HELL DOES SHE GET TO BE MAD AT ME WHEN SHE ONLY CHOSE TO TELL ME ABOUT THIS CRUCIAL PLOT POINT WHEN HELL WAS LITERALLY AT HER DOOR. FUCK YOU!!!! I FEEL BAD FOR THE CITIZENS OF THESSIA BUT I DO NOT FEEL BAD FOR YOU OR THE MATRIARCHAL SOCIETY THAT HID THIS SHIT. FUCK YOU AND FUCK BIOWARE FOR JUST MAKING ME TAKE THAT SHIT

-i just gotta ALLOW DARO'XEN TO STAND ON MY FUCKING SHIP AS SHE THREATENS TO DISSECT MY FRIEND LEGION??? I AINT AFRAID TO HIT YOU I DON'T CARE

-also why does mass effect 3 always make my ported mass effect 2 femshep look like someone kicked her face in and she's swelled up.

-so James is the new Kaidan huh???

Image of me trying to have an actual human conversation with James to like, get to know this random guy they foisted upon me without the game making me tell him I want to throw Garrus over for his grotesquely muscled dick

-you mean to tell me that out of the entire salarian society/military, renowned for their intelligent and logical approach, only Kirrahe is willing to look past the genophage and band together TO STOP LITERAL GALACTIC EXTINCTION!!!!! they frame it like ooohhoo you can either have the KROGAN or the SALARIANS and bro I just don't buy it. I get the stupid dalatrass is gonna be petty but surely there are at least some salarians gonna be like. bro.

-i know EVERYBODY bitches about the ending but tbh imma put in my two cents cause it's just That bad. Bro. For one thing. I hate that kid. The dream sequences were so annoying. Also maybe if the kid had more than one creepy bland ass expression I would care like the game wants me to. All in all, bad choice for the vi to look like the kid. I don't care. Also. How you HAVE to choose one of the damn options and they're all BAD. like congrats you spent half the game trying like hell to save the geth!! But for some reason now you have to KILL THEM ALL to kill the reapers!!! Or!!! You can make this DEEPLY INVASIVE CHOICE FOR EVERY SOUL IN THE GALAXY. or you can control the reapers which the entire game has framed as the WORST OPTION EVER and annoying internet people will act like YOU PERSONALLY BETRAYED REAL ACTUAL PEOPLE and are also VERY STUPID if you choose that option. Like the fucking AI controls the reapers correct. SHOOTING/DESTROYING THE STUPID AI SHOULD BE A REAL VALID OPTION INSTEAD OF IT JUST MEANING "HAHA EVERYONE FUCKING DIES." WHAT HAPPENED TO GOOD OLD FASHIONED FIREPOWER. WHAT HAPPENED TO STRATEGY. WHAT HAPPENED TO A FULFILLING ENDING TO A GAME SERIES YOU SPENT DOZENS OF HOURS PLAYING.

And also idk about the other endings but I chose synthesis (which I'm told Bioware considered the "best" ending) and YOU GET ZERO CLOSURE. YOU LEARN EDI AND JOKER AND YOUR LI AT LEAST SURVIVED THE BLAST BUT NO KNOWLEDGE OF LIKE, WHAT HAPPENS NEXT, OR THE FUCKING CONSEQUENCES OF THE STUPID ACTION YOU WERE FORCED TO MAKE BY A DUMBASS AI. THE GAME QUIT ON ME AND ERASED MY PROGRESS SO I ESSENTIALLY PLAYED THE ENTIRE SERIES FOUR TIMES FOR THIS.

-i have read not only a rumored ending where the reapers were going to be lured into a system and then they'd blow the mass relay, but at least 3 separate fanfiction solutions to the reaper war that not only made more sense but were more personally fulfilling. Most involving just fucking using actual normal warfare against the reapers, who are not, in fact, invincible to everything except a stupid ai program.

-overall I think the main problem with mass effect 3 is that the gamemakers seemed to forget to put the fun in the game. Like homedog I am playing this game because I care about the characters and playing video games is supposed to be FUN. this is not fun. This is, by turns, infuriating and tedious. Highlights of the game are Curing the Genophage, Geth Worldbuilding, and firing a clip into the head of a dead Cerberus Combat Engineer, because fuck you and fuck your turrets.

#long post #idk man. just my opinion.#mass effect #character hate

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cxhleel108 · 1 month

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LITG S8 Thots for this week: Really bitch?…REALLY???

(Y’all already know what’s coming so let me clarify that I’m typing all this mad as hell currently)

• I guess we’re starting off with outfit time!

• This is cute. Fusebox, less is more. Remember that!

• So I guess Jin is just gonna start off every volume with a piping hot cup of cap! Like y’all are barely a couple what are we talking about???

• Now I’m all for doing what you want in your sex life but you telling me Theo dicked down 7 different bitches on a week long holiday??? That’s just nasty.

• Oh here this bitch go tryna sink her claws into my man again🙄🙄🙄

• Can someone genuinely explain to me how Luna’s mad that Jin had a one night stand after a party but just said that she woulda been turned on had the 7 night sexscapade been done by him?

• CAN YOU BITCHES STOP KISSING MY MAN WTF??? Sophie know damn well Oakley of all people is not breaking up with someone over voicemail!

• Oh Jack you messyyyyy.

• See and now Jin pissing me off cuz you getting pissy over a cat? Be for reallllll😭

• Sophie you most definitely knew what “going exclusive” meant but ok girl.

• How our baggage go from “I got mistaken for a celebrity” to “I got mistaken for a weather reporter from Norway”…that is not the same thing😭😭😭

• Because he’s perfect and the rest of you suck?

• Oakley’s coming to save me from having to listen to these hoes complain about men they don’t love and then all of a sudden here comes Jack trying (keyword “trying”) to turn my head…don’t piss me off.

• God I’m so glad we get to be entertaining and not a fucking lame this season.

• He’s mad because Jin and Sophie have moved on from their kiss and aren’t eye fucking each other constantly…???????????

• Our resident Casanova everybody!

• Another attempt to get me to fight with Oakley omg can we not disagree on one fucking thing without y’all being like “tRouBLE iN ParAdISE?”🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

• Luna got one more time to come for me before I’m on that ass for the rest of the season I’m not playing.

• Apologizing when he did nothing wrong. They could never make me hate you baesito!

• Outfit time!

• A literal barbie doll. Y’all are not fucking with her!

• Of course, yet another challenge pre my arrival that caused a massive blowout. What’s new?

• “Clothes before bros” is so true omg Claudia when I say these bitches get on my nerves I don’t mean you!

• Mind you this the exact reason why I sent they asses packing 10 minutes later.

• Oh the way I just clocked his nasty ass!

• Sophie in here talking like her ass ain’t finna be gone in T minus 5 seconds aw.

• Outfit time!

• She’s cute but we not here to talk about her!

• Believe me when I say this is my favorite dress they’ve made in a while. Nawwww bitch like we need more of this! Plus the shoes to match ugh YES! Give us more dresses with our coochie peeking out please and thank you.

• I see what game y’all played here now Fusebox. You put him in a sexy (and much better) outfit to distract us from the bullshit y’all were finna pull not even 2 minutes later. YOU PUT HIM IN THEM TIGHT ASS PANTS SHOWING OFF HIS THIGH MEAT JUST TO PLAY WITH MY EMOTIONS! When I say everyone behind this is going to hell ooooouuuu!

• Now imagine me seeing this and laughing to myself cuz I’m thinking Jin and Luna finna have to pack they bags too.

• Now imagine me seeing this and immediately closing out the app, shutting my phone off, and opening my laptop up so I can send their team a strongly worded email questioning which person thought this was funny and/or a good idea.

• Sigh…the first time in a while y’all had me genuinely gagged and it’s over some shit like this🙁

• So every other season when a bitch wanted to be dramatic and leave the villa it was cool but now that it’s my man that’s leaving I don’t get a choice? Oh ok!

• 😕🔫

• The fact we’re matching too💔

• This nigga finna be ugly as shit omg nobody talk to me!

#i literally said it was finna go downhill this week did I not #it’s finna get so stale oh god #litg #love island the game #litg tempting fate #litg season 8 #litg s8

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angelplummie · 2 years

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bullying katsuki cuz he’s so fun to tease

now, don’t get me wrong, kit kat lays down pipe like a super mario bro, but that’s doesn’t mean he should get cocky! sometimes he needs to be reminded that he’s obsessed with you and needs you more than air 💞

Ok, so maybe you don’t have as much experience as katsuki, (like none at all, he was ur first) but you’re pretty sure he’s great, and you’re pretty confident you’re ok too. At least that’s what he tells you, and you’ve elected to believe him.

the first few times were pretty awkward, still nice, but a bit clunky. after you get in the rhythm of things tho, you guys are at it like bunnies. it’s pretty clear that katsuki is good at what he does, you cum and you cum hard.

so when ur laying on his chest one day after getting your back blown out, you decide to be really annoying.

“sigh... you suck.”

“what?”

“That was like really bad”

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“You have terrible dick game, i’m sorry i had to be the one to break it to you”

He furrows his eyebrows before he realises it’s a stupid joke. Rolling his eyes, he pulls you in closer, smushing ur boobs against his side even more.

“Be quiet”

“I’m just speaking my truth katsuki. You are abysmal.”

“Shut up. as if you didn’t just nut.”

You snort and hold him tighter. he’s so warm and cozy, you want to suck his dick sometime soon.

“silence, you don’t know anything about me. I could’ve been faking.”

he lets out a huff. He knows you’re only kidding, but he’s beginning to get defensive.

“i know- i know everything about you. stop being annoying.”

“Ok.”

You yawn and close your eyes. the room becomes nice and quiet, and the BUFFOON actually thinks you’re done. As soon as his eyes flutter closed, you strike.

“Worst dick i ever had,” you whisper, giggling as his eyes fly open and he looks down at you angrily.

“Bitch-! only dick you ever had, fucking virgin.”

You gasp in shock! how could he!

“katsuki!!! that’s mean!!”

“What-! You said worse to me!”

You press your face into his booby and he stares down at you incredulously, but with love also.

“It’s only funny when i do it because you know you’re good! i don’t know i’m good! You’re the cool one, you can’t bully me, that’s just bullying!”

He sighs, examining your little face pressed up against him. well, you’re a pain in the ass, but you’re worth it.

“I only said it cuz you were getting on my nerves,” he says softly, as if you could never get on his nerves really. he places his hand on your head, providing a calming weightiness.

“mm.” you actually look like you might drift off now, and he smiles to himself, a smile that he would never let anyone else see.

“You know... you know i think that you’re amazing right?” you can feel him speak, feel the vibration from his chest. it soothes you.

“yeah.”

“yeah”

“best you ever had?”

“don’t push your luck”

katsuki snorts as you give his abdomen a light thump

“hey! who is it then! go on i can take it!”

“I’m joking babe, of course it’s you.”

He leans down and kisses you on the forehead, which pleases you, but does little to appease you.

“No no, who is it? i’m listening! don’t spare my feelings now!”

that’s when you hear his ugly little gremlin laugh, a laugh he only lets out when he’s with you.

Your frown fades away and you refocus on squeezing him as right as you can.

“why are you so mean to me?”

“Why am i-?!” he pauses, sighs, and lets it go, “i don’t know. i love you.”

“I love you a lot less.”

“mhm”

...

“you know i don’t mean that right?”

“go to sleep y/n”

masterlist

if you enjoyed, pls considering reblogging!!

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starlessea · 3 years

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Big Brother

A/N Here it is, another Daryl / Reader story from someone else’s perspective - this time Merle’s! Did any of you guess correctly?

Summary: Merle Dixon had always flaunted the big brother privilege over Daryl, snatching away toys and saving the best things for himself. But there was one thing he couldn’t take from his brother — and that was you.

[AKA the story of how Daryl Dixon won your heart, from the begrudging perspective of his brother, Merle].

Masterlist

Buy Me A Coffee

Merle Dixon had always gotten what he wanted.

Okay, that might not have been the entire truth-

Merle Dixon had always taken what he wanted.

Ever since he was a kid, mere redneck trailer trash, Merle realised that nothing was ever going to be handed to him in this world. Whether it was that shiny new toy in the shop window, or even a damn speck of attention — Merle wouldn’t get it unless he took it for himself.

So that’s what he did as a man, too.

“How’s it goin’ darlin’?” he leered, followed by a gesture too obscene to be repeated.

“Bite me,” the woman snapped, flipping him off as she walked past.

And Merle scowled.

This time — no matter how much he wanted it — he couldn’t figure out how to make you his. He couldn’t just take you for himself, as though you were a sparkling nickel on the sidewalk, because someone had already beaten him to it.

And that person shared the same last name as him.

It was his brother — Daryl.

“Aww c’mon gorgeous, we ain’t gotta lie to each other like this,” he cracked, chasing after you. “Why lie to ol’ Merle when ya could lie with ol’ Merle?”

He laughed at that one. He always was one funny son of a bitch.

Except, you didn’t seem amused, and batted away his advances as he continued to trail after you — hot at your heels.

“Merle Dixon, the world might have ended but that doesn’t mean my self respect went along with it,” you shot back — wounding his pride more than he cared to admit.

But Merle still smiled, running his tongue over his teeth as he watched your ass when you walked away, wondering how the hell his brother managed to catch your eye in the first place.

“Saw tha’, ya sly bastard.”

Merle chuckled. Speak of the devil and he shall appear.

Daryl was leaning against a tree, arms crossed over his puffed-out chest as he sized up his brother where he stood.

“What’cha gonna do ‘bout it, baby bro?” Merle quipped, stuffing his hands into his pocket whilst he readjusted his jeans.

Daryl scowled, trying to look elsewhere.

“Leave ‘er be an’ we won’t have any trouble,” the man warned, through gritted teeth.

For the second time today, Merle just couldn’t believe it. First, that bird had given him a shoulder frostier than ice, and now his kid brother was actually standing up to him — showing off those balls of his that must’ve grown three times the size since he’d last seen them.

Next thing you know, Merle might even catch pigs fly.

He cocked his head, making a point of looking his brother up and down, trying to spark that temper of his.

“Tell me, Darlina,” he taunted with a grin, before letting his voice drop low. “There ever been anythin’ of yours tha’ din’t become mine?”

And Daryl socked him straight in the jaw.

Merle just couldn’t understand it.

His brother was never a ladies’ man — never so much as glanced at a woman twice before all this. And now here he was, not even a month after the world decided to fuck them all, ready to fuck them all.

Well, maybe just the one.

It made Merle sick seeing Daryl head over heels — or dick over heels — for a bitch he’d only known for two minutes. Or perhaps it made Merle sick because, for once, Daryl had gotten himself a shiny new toy that Merle couldn’t snatch away from him.

And the greedy bastard wasn’t even willing to share.

“Take a picture,” you called over to him. “It’ll last longer.”

Merle spat on the pebbled rocks beneath his feet.

“Weren’t even lookin’ at ya,” he snapped, before muttering under his breath, “ugly bitch.”

But that was a lie.

He was indeed looking at you, watching you try to catch fish with your bare hands as you stood knee-deep in the quarry water. You’d been at it all morning — he’d overheard you promising his brother that you’d bring back something to go with whatever he caught on his hunt.

Except, you hadn’t gotten any luck yet.

And Merle hadn’t gotten lucky in a while, either.

“Is that why there’s a hole burnt through the ass of my jeans?” you grumbled, before splashing some water in his direction. “Go stare at someone else, you creep.”

But he still lingered about, letting his soaked clothes dry off in the sun. Usually, Merle didn’t have to be told no twice — especially when it came to women. He’d just call them some names that his mother would probably beat him black and blue for even uttering — god rest her lush soul — and spit at their feet as they walked away.

That’s how Merle Dixon usually handled rejection.

“What’d ya even see in tha’ bastard, anyway?” he asked, the words spluttering from his mouth like cheap cigarette smoke. “Ol’ Merle taught him everythin’ he knows,” he argued, pointing somewhere in the distance — into the woods where Daryl probably was.

Then he paused a second, and shook his head.

“Nah, ‘m probably better in the sack,” he concluded, sending you a wink which made you gag.

Merle’s eyes dragged over you as you emerged from the lake, letting your light bucket swing from your hand — scarcely a fish inside. He didn’t know what it was about you that made him so antsy, so preoccupied with making you his.

It wasn’t like you were anything special. Merle had seen plenty of women in shorter shorts, and with bigger-

“My eyes are up here,” you reminded him — but he didn’t feel the slightest shame at being caught.

Then, you conked him over the head with that bucket — except, it didn’t feel that light anymore — and smiled when he let out a yell in protest.

“Well for one,” you said, hand resting at your hip, “he doesn’t look at me like I’m a piece of meat.”

Merle pulled a face. He didn’t look at you like meat, he thought, more like a glass of whiskey — or a carton of cigs.

He opened his mouth to retort, but you shot him a glance that kept him silent.

“You want to know what I see in him, Merle?” you asked, taking him aback by how soft your voice had become.

You pointed at his chest, letting your finger dig into the middle of it.

“A heart,” you told him, with an expression that made him wonder whether he had one.

You walked away, swinging that plastic bucket as though it were a new toy to flaunt — just like how you were toying with a heart you were convinced didn’t even exist.

And Merle finally realised why he wanted you so much.

It was because he couldn’t have you.

For the first time ever, his little brother was holding onto something for dear life — and had gotten such a good grip on it that Merle could only dream of getting a turn.

After all, Daryl always hid the toys most precious to him.

The group was sitting around the campfire, and Merle could feel himself growing more pissed off by the minute. He wasn’t fitting into anyone’s conversations — no matter how hard he tried to butt in — and he was sure the steam coming off him was starting to rival the smoke billowing from the fire.

What made matters worse was than he was sitting opposite his brother — and you, perched on his lap.

All evening, Merle had been listening to your laugh float through the air, and watching you rub noses with Daryl like you were some brooding cat in heat.

And what was even more sickening, Merle thought, was that his brother was soaking it up!

It was pathetic. He’d never seen Daryl act like this — like some love-struck teen trying to pull the moves on you. At first, Merle thought he was just looking for a quick fuck, something to rub in his face and brag about for days to follow.

But no.

Daryl was giving you fucking forehead kisses and cuddling you by the fire like one of those pricks in a romance movie.

You laughed, and Merle decided he no longer liked the sound. Whatever joke Daryl was making, he’d probably been the one to tell it to him in the first place.

Merle deserved that laugh. Not him.

He got up from his seat, kicking some dirt in the process. He couldn’t stand to watch the display for another second, and opted to go out further into the woods — to take a piss and bum a cig.

“Smoke break,” he excused himself.

But the worst part is that no one even asked where he was going, and no one even noticed when he was gone.

So Merle Dixon lingered about near the trees for some time, taking deep drags of his smoke — and trying to forget about the expression on his brother’s face.

Love.

But then Merle spat at the ground again in disgust, stomping the butt of his cigarette and scraping it about in the leaves. Daryl was too wet behind the ears to even know what the word meant. He was too damn naive. That girl wasn’t good for him, and Merle would be the one to show him.

She’d probably only break his heart, anyway.

Though, when Merle returned to his tent — the one he usually shared with his younger brother — he realised that there were already people inside, illuminated by lamplight and silhouetted against the walls.

He caught the shadow of his brother leaning forward, cupping your cheek so gently that Merle could tell how he felt about you, even from here. Then Daryl kissed you, or you kissed him, and the action made Merle turn on his heels and return back to the dark forest-

Where the older Dixon brother started to second guess himself, instead.

Merle Dixon never thought he’d live to see the day.

You looked so pretty when you cried — your big ol’ doe eyes watery, damp cheeks flushed red. Daryl was one lucky son of a bitch to get to see you like-

“I can’t reach them!” you wailed, hands trembling against the drainpipe.

You were frantic, shaking from head to toe as you peered down it, trying to fish the keys out.

But somehow, Merle was calm.

He’d resigned to his fate — he probably deserved it, after all. He never expected to live a long life, but he never thought he’d be taken out by a pair of handcuffs, either.

The dead would be coming for him soon — you both knew it — but you’d been the only person to stay behind, to try and help an asshole like him.

“Get outta here,” he told you, trying his best to muster up some gruffness, “can’t stand no cryin’ bitch.”

Except, even Merle realised that his words sounded softer than usual — had less backbite to them.

He watched you sniffle, pawing at your eyes with your sleeve as you tried to rattle the drainpipe once again.

“I can’t just leave you here!” you yelled, digging your fists into the floor in frustration. “I wouldn’t be able to face Daryl if I did.”

Merle sighed. Ah, he realised, it had always about his brother-

“You’re a dick but I don’t want you to die!” you cried, glaring at him with an expression he’d never seen you make.

And Merle Dixon smiled.

“Go on, girly,” he told you again, squeezing your shoulder to try and coax you to leave. “Ol’ Merle won’t snitch on ya when I get back,” he said, holding his free hand up in front of him. “Scout’s honour.”

He watched you snivel again, and shake your head as you debated. But he shot you another look, and you crumbled.

You mumbled an apology under your breath, before kicking a bag of work tools towards him as you made for the door.

“You were never a scout,” you called back to him, sadly — as he watched you disappear down the steps, leaving him alone.

But Merle still smiled.

Not once did he think you’d ever shed a tear for him.

And Merle never thought he’d see his brother again.

Never even thought he’d make it off that roof in Atlanta.

But here he was — free from Woodberry — staring back at a brash and bloodied Daryl Dixon. Though, he didn’t look very pleased to see him.

“Ain’t it been a sweet while, Darlina!” Merle cried, slapping his brother on the back and making him wince. “Sorry for, y’know, sockin’ ya in the jaw,” he murmured, trying to crack the scowl on Daryl’s face. “Payback for the las’ time, I guess.”

But to his surprise, his brother remained cold — stalking away from him like he was on a mission.

Not once did he glance back at Merle, or give him a word of explanation. Daryl marched through the brush, back in the direction he came from, like it might kill him if he didn’t.

“Hey, c’mon slow down, where ya goin’?” Merle called after him, trudging through the leaves as he tried to catch up. “Y’ain’t gonna jus’ leave yer poor ol’ brother out here to fend for himself, are ya?”

That finally got a response out of Daryl, but he still didn’t stop walking.

“‘M goin’ back,” he answered, eyes straight forward as he did. “Come with me if ya want, or stay ‘ere,” he rasped, “your choice.”

Merle’s step faltered. That little runt had changed since he’d last seen him.

Maybe his shoulders were wider, or his chest broader. His words were definitely more certain, too. Merle couldn’t put his finger on it, exactly, but he knew that something was different about his brother.

“Ya know I can’t go with ya,” he finally caved, standing in place in hopes the other man would wait. “Damn near killed yer people,” he explained.

But Daryl shook his head.

“Ain’t my problem,” he bit back. “Yer a big boy now, Merle, gotta clean up yer own messes.”

Merle’s fists clenched. If that boy wasn’t careful, he’d give him another right hook to the jaw — didn’t give a shit whether anyone was watching this time.

“Why ya in such a rush for, anyway?” Merle snapped, flinging his hands into the air. “Who’s waitin’ on ya back home?”

This time, Daryl was silent.

He let his head drop, staring at his shoes just like he always did when they were younger — when he was keeping secrets from Merle.

And, finally, the older Dixon boy understood.

“She still alive?” he asked, more quietly this time.

His brother nodded, and Merle sighed. Daryl was wrong — he didn’t have a choice.

“Y’know,” Merle said, after a moment’s silence. “I thought ya were jus’ messin’ ‘round with her,” he admitted.

Daryl’s face contorted into a frown, but Merle quickly continued before anymore blows could be exchanged.

“Thought ya were the same as me,” he explained, with a slight chuckle. “Wanted ‘er ‘cause she had a nice ass an’ was feisty enough to make it worth it.”

He paused, resting a hand atop of Daryl’s shoulder — pretending not to notice how he flinched at the touch.

“Ya big brother got it wrong, din’t he?” Merle said, cracking a smile at the other man. “She was ne’er a prize to ya,” he realised, “jus’ a person.”

Daryl remained quiet, as though unsure what to say. But for once, Merle knew exactly what to say, and what to do. So he started walking, in the same direction his brother came from.

“C’mon,” he called him, ruffling his hair like he did when they were kids. “Let’s go back.”

Merle couldn’t believe his eyes when he saw you.

You were as beautiful as ever, tearful as your gaze rested on his brother — and surprisingly, on him.

Like Daryl, you also looked different. Yet, once again, Merle couldn’t put his finger on why. Maybe it was your hair, or your expression. Maybe it was just the surroundings.

After all, a girl like you didn’t really fit into a prison.

Merle waved at you, purposefully with his new hand — laughing at the way you grimaced as you approached.

“Damn, what’cha been feedin’ ‘er?” he remarked to his brother, hoping he wouldn’t slap him upside the head. “Ain’t she gotten big since the las’ time-”

Merle stopped.

His words sunk in, and with them came a sudden realisation. He finally noticed what was different about you.

“Is she?” he asked, not quite daring enough to say the word.

His brother nodded, and Merle caught the small smirk on his lips.

“Yeah,” Daryl answered, looking at the woman as he spoke — with that same expression Merle had seen all that time ago.

It hadn’t changed one bit, and Merle felt stupid for not realising how sincere it was before — even back then.

Love.

“Well, I’ll be damned,” he breathed, clapping Daryl on the back so hard that it made him stumble. “Ol’ Merle’s gonna be an uncle.”

And for the first time in a long time, Merle Dixon smiled one great big genuine smile.

There was a stuffed animal strapped in the passenger seat of Merle Dixon’s car.

Well, it wasn’t actually Merle’s car, but he’d taken it.

After all, he was pretty good at taking the things he wanted.

Not that he wanted that stuffed animal. No, that was a gift. He’d just forgotten to give it to Daryl before he left, and had gotten stuck with it along the way. The kid’s got to have something to remember his uncle by, after all. Merle didn’t want little Dixon thinking their daddy was that cool all by himself — he had to get some of the credit.

So, he’d strapped the thing into his passenger seat, and hoped for the best — hoped that Daryl would stumble across it once he-

Merle shook his head, and cranked the volume up louder. Black Sabbath was always his favourite, so he yelled along with it as he drove.

There were worse songs to die to, he thought.

He caught sight of the walkers in his rearview mirror, stumbling along after him and sighed. This better be damn worth it.

But he knew it was. He knew Daryl couldn’t be the one to do it. He had a family now — one a lot better than he could ever be.

Merle peaked over at the stuffed bear once again, ruffling its fluffy head and trying not to imagine his niece or nephew playing with it.

After all, he didn’t want to lose his nerve. He couldn’t afford to turn back now.

He’d seen the way his brother had been doting on you the last couple of days, watching you like a hawk and not letting you do a single thing for yourself. Merle had rolled his eyes at first, making some remarks about how you’d wrapped Daryl around your stubby, pregnant fingers.

But, somewhere along the way, he’d started to enjoy it.

It didn’t piss him off anymore to see his brother kiss you, or to hear your laugh as he rubbed circles over your huge stomach — which wasn’t that huge, as Daryl kept reminding him.

Maybe he was getting old, Merle thought, because he realised that he’d finally become content with seeing his brother happy.

It made him start to wonder why he ever enjoyed snatching his brother’s toys from him in the first place. After all, he was a good number of years older than Daryl — it wasn’t like he wanted to play with that red fire truck of his during high-school, or his wimpy action figure.

Perhaps it had only been some distorted attempt to bond with his brother, trying to show affection in the only way he knew how — by mirroring their father.

Merle scowled.

Either way, it had taken him this long to be taught a lesson. And that lesson came in the form of a mouthy woman in tight skinny jeans — which no longer fit her, no matter how much his brother insisted.

Merle killed the engine, taking a moment to collect himself before he barrelled through the governor’s men — Black Sabbath blasting from his speakers.

He tucked the bear further into the seat, tightening the belt over it, and for the first time in his life, Merle sincerely prayed that his next actions would be worth it.

That they’d make up for all of his wrongdoings throughout the years — and all the times he’d been a shitty big brother.

But most of all, Merle Dixon hoped you’d forgive him, too, and see for yourself that his chest was never empty.

He did in fact have a heart.

End.

Feedback is always welcomed; I love hearing what you all think - so feel free to comment, send in an ask, or just message me if you want to chat!

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A/N This was an absolute blast to write! Wow. I sincerely hope you all love it just as much as I do.

Since I got such good feedback on Peek-A-Boo (a story from Judith’s perspective), I wanted to try another one. So if you liked this, please check that out if you haven’t already!

I would really appreciate your feedback on this one, since it is so different. I would LOVE to hear your thoughts :)

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xoxo-teddybear · 3 years

Text

Boyfriend’s Best Friend - Bakugou Katsuki

Bakugou x f!reader (ft. Kirishima)

Warnings: CRACK, Fluff, Cursing, Frisky moments

Summary: This was not how Bakugou wanted to spend his weekend. Trapped inside his best friend’s body?! Hell no. What makes it worse is that before he can tell you, you’ve already smothered Kirishima (who is in Katsuki’s body) with more than enough attention. Attention that belongs to the angry Pomeranian. And what does Kirishima think about all of this? Fuck nitroglycerin and boners.

BAKUGOU’S MASTERLIST

A/N: This shit is gonna get real confusing so KEEP UP and STAY FOCUSED

“Shit.”

After fighting off that petty thief on their way back to school, the two best friends took a look at each other after feeling a throb in their heads. But something wasn’t right. Bakugou was looking at..Bakugou and Kirishima was looking at...Kirishima???

“WHAT IS HAPPENING?!!” The red blonde headed boy asked. Kirishima made a face at his now very deep and gruff voice. He looked down and noticed his tan skin was the slightest bit paler and his clothes had changed. He turned his gaze towards the position where is best friend should be but only saw..well, himself.

“Argh, shut the hell up Shitty Hair. My head is pounding.” Bakugou said while holding onto his now red hair. He looked towards his friend to see a frantic look on his face. “Quit making me look like a bitch, Kirishima.”

“I can’t help it!! Not after what just happened!!” Kirishima said. Bakugou rolled his eyes and huffed before walking over to his friend and dragging him to a reflective window.

“We switched bodies you idiot. That damn thief must’ve hit us while we were distracted.” Bakugou took a look at his new body and cringed. Not that he thought Kirishima was ugly or anything, but he wanted to be in his own body. It just felt wrong having someone else’s dick.

“Well then we should get back to the dorms and find Mr. Aizawa. Maybe he can help.” Bakugou agreed and the boys started their journey back to the dormitory. As they walked, they took notice of a few things.

“Ugh. All these damn extras are staring at my hair.”

“My palms feel so sweaty.”

“Fuck! I keep biting my inner cheek. Stupid shark teeth.”

“Why the hell am I getting a random ass print?!”

“Nitroglycerin works like viagra Shitty Hair! Just fucking get used to it and learn how to control it!”

“I have your hair man! Does that mean you have shitty hair?”

“SHUT THE HELL UP!!”

“.....Is that..*sniff sniff*...caramel?”

“I SAID SHUT UP!”

—

“You’ll be back to normal in 2 weeks.” Aizawa bluntly said.

“2 WEEKS?!?” The boys screamed.

“Wha- HOW DO YOU KNOW?!” Bakugou screamed, trying to jump onto Aizawa with Kirishima holding him back. To anyone else, it would look like Bakugou holding Kirishima back. Oh how the tables have kinda turned.

“I know because officers have been trying to catch this thief for some time now. Even I’ve run into him on some occasions. His quirk is is called ‘Swapped.’ He takes your soul and spirit and places it in a different form...obviously. It doesn’t do much harm but it lasts for some time. Don’t worry though, you’ll be back to normal eventually.” Their teacher explained. “‘Till then, just tough it out for the next 2 weeks. Dismissed.”

The boys groaned and walked back to the common room floor. They walked in to find a few other classmates who thankfully didn’t seem too suspicious of anything. The boys went their separate ways, going to their own dorms to soothe their still aching heads.

—

Kirishima was the first to come out of his room. After contemplating whether he should take a shower or not, he chose the latter. He could survive the rest of the day without one, he’ll just worry about bathing later. Besides, he doesn’t mind smelling like a sweet treat for the next few hours and you know…not having to see and wash his best friend’s body and dick.

He walked down into the kitchen to find it empty. He was glad he wouldn’t have to explain his situation to anyone. If anyone saw Bakugou acting like the sweet bean that Kirishima is then I’m pretty sure a lot of people would have questions.

Looking around, he saw a batch of brownies left on a tray. He couldn’t help himself and went in to grab one. Unfortunately, he wasn’t aware of how chewy they were and after taking a few chomps, he realized the treat was as tough as glue. He couldn’t even open his mouth! And just to his luck, Bakugou’s girlfriend had walked in, seemingly back from her training session.

“Hi baby.” Y/N said. She went up to who she thought was her boyfriend and gave him a hug along with a peck on his cheek. “How was your day?”

Kirishima grew nervous. He didn’t know how to handle this situation. He would totally tell Y/N that it was actually him in her boyfriend’s body but the brownie sealed his mouth shut! He resorted to going with the flow and just nodding with a nervous smile. A very Bakugou smile.

“Tiring?” Y/N asked. Kirishima nodded his head. “Umm..okay. Well, same for me, but I still have enough energy for movie night, so I’ll see you in the common room. ‘Kay?”

Again, the now blonde nodded his head again. You smiled at him and went in to give him another hug. To your shock, you felt something poking you when you gave your boyfriend a hug. You looked down and noticed a pretty impressive print through his sweats and smirked. You looked up to your “boyfriend” and gave him a sly look. “You sure you’re tired Suki? Cuz your friend down here says you’re down for something else.”

Kirishima began to shake due to his nervousness now. He couldn’t help the damn boner! One, nitroglycerin is apparently 12x stronger than viagra, and two! He can’t relieve himself! Looking at and touching his best friend’s dick was wrong! And weird! Even if it was attached to him now!

What Kirishima wasn’t prepared for was you being so willing to help relieve his stiffy. On the bright side, he’d relive his hard on. On the not so bright side, he’d be fucking his best bro’s girl. Big no no. He definitely wasn’t prepared for your hand to travel down his torso and grab onto his Bakugou’s dick. “You still tired Suki?”

Kirishima couldn’t help himself. It felt too good to stop. He threw his head back and enjoyed the stimulation, even though he knew it was wrong. All he knew was that if he let this whole thing play through, he wouldn’t have to worry about walking around with a huge ass boner. A blush grew on his face as he moaned. He felt you peck at his neck a bit before stopping all your motions. The now blonde looked towards you in confusion and saw your laughter.

“Hehe, sorry Suki. Save it for later tonight, okay? I’ve gotta freshen up but I’ll see you later, Love.” You said before giving him a sweet peck and walking away. Once you were out of sight, Kirishima fanned his face to try and get rid of his blush. He then quickly ran to the fridge and chugged a few gulps of milk down to wash away the brownie.

“Fuck.” Was all that he said. Did that really just happen? Shit. Should he have let that happen? At this point he didn’t know. The man in him said HELL NO, but the nitroglycerin said otherwise. All Kirishima knew was that apparently he had a movie date to get to.

—

So now here we are, Y/N and Kirishima (in Bakugou’s body) all cuddled up on one of the common room couches during the late hours of the night, watching a movie. Kirishima thought Y/N looked really tempting in her booty shorts and tube top. The way her plush chest pressed up against his own as she watched the screen with a smile wasn’t aiding Kirishima’s mission to relieve his hard on.

Throughout the whole movie, Kirishima watched from time to time how Y/N would rub her legs together. It seemed she was growing some urges as well. Kirishima couldn’t shake his nerves..like...AT ALL.

Finally. It was almost the end of the movie. Kirishima had almost made it. All he had to do was finish the last 10 minutes and he could go..well honestly he didn’t know yet but he’ll figure it out later! Unfortunately, the universe had different plans. Kirishima watched as Y/N sat up to grab the remote and turn off the T.V. She placed the object down on the table and faced who she assumed to be her boyfriend. She wrapped her arms around his neck and went to straddle his groin.

“Uh-..Y/N?” Kirishima asked with a shaky voice as he gulped down a nerve. You smirked at him and leaned down to leave kisses all over his neck. Kirishima shook a bit and let out a shudder at your soft lips.

“Relax Suki. We won’t get caught. ‘Sides, when have you ever been afraid to fuck in public?” You said. You then went up to start off your session with a hot kiss to “Katsuki’s” lips. Kirishima had wide eyes as you took in his lips, but eventually, your sweet taste and bouncy lips made him succumb to your wishes.

He placed his hands on your waist as he kissed you back. When he opened his mouth you slid your tongue in as your hands entangled themselves in his hair. The kiss was fiery and passionate and eventually you and “Katsuki” both began to moan into the kiss. His hands traveled to your ass and gave in a firm grip which made you release a loud moan. Things were definitely heating up now.

—

When Katsuki came back to the dorms, he had already been exhausted by the entire situation. The only thing on his mind was getting some rest to ware off the headache, hours had passed and he eventually woke up in the middle of the night.

“Shit, how long have I been out?” He stretched and yawned a bit before he got up. The mirror hanging on his wall reminded him of his new body. “Oh, right. I’m in Shitty Hair’s body......gross.”

Bakugou felt his mouth become dry and so he planned to get a glass of water from the kitchen. As he walked down the halls, he couldn’t help but think about you. His precious girl. The love of his life who’s been with him since childhood and who he’s been dating since their second year in junior high. You were with him through it all and he couldn’t help but feel a little bad that he had to miss movie night.

‘Fuck, did I even tell Y/N I wouldn’t make it to movie night? Crap,’ he thought. Oh well, he’d just have to make up for it later. As he walked near the common rooms, his ears picked up a sound. And not just any sound, it was a moan. And he knew exactly who’s moan it was, for he had been the cause of those exact sounds and he’s heard them time and time again.

Bakugou ran to the common rooms to find his girlfriend and his body making out and slowly grinding on each other on the couch. He watched “his” hands travel to grope Y/N’s ass and bit his lip when he heard his girlfriend’s pleasured moans. He wasn’t gonna lie, the scene before him had turned him on, but what became a huge turnoff was the fact that Bakugou knew it wasn’t him in there and he knew exactly who was in his damn body!

“THE HELL?!” Bakugou screamed in Kirishima’s voice. He watched the two of you jump away from each other in shock and saw a look of fear flow through Kirishima’s his own eyes.

“Jeez, Kirishima. You scared us.” You said to your actual boyfriend without knowing it. Bakugou fumed at the fact that you were just making out and were probably about to fuck his best friend but he couldn’t blame you. You called him Kirishima so you must’ve not known about the switch.

“Can I talk to Bakugou real quick, L/N?” Bleh. Calling someone else by his name was weird and calling you by your family name was very uncomfortable.

“Umm..we’re kinda in the middle of something so maybe if you could jus-“

“Thanks.” He said and dragged “Bakugou” away behind a hallway corner. He pinned his body up against the wall and got in Kirishima’s face as he held the man by his collar. “WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING KISSING MY GIRLFRIEND?!”

“IM SORRY! I DIDN’T MEAN TO! SHE CAME ONTO ME!” Kirishima explained while being held against the wall.

“NO SHIT SHE CAME ONTO YOU! YOU’RE IN MY BODY! YOU’RE ME! I’M HER BOYFRIEND! SHE THOUGHT YOU WERE ME SHITTY HAIR!” Bakugou screamed. Kirishima just laughed nervously as Bakugou continued to fume. After venting, Bakugou finally dropped Kirishima back on his feet and pressed the bridge of his nose with 2 fingers. “Okay. Why THE FUCK did you not tell her about the quirk?”

“Because man! .....Your quirk has built in viagra!” Kirishima said in defeat as he threw his hands in the air due to the pent up frustration. “I’ve had a fucking stiffy ever since I got put in your body! So I thought-“

“You thought you could relieve yourself with my girl?!” Bakugou asked with big, angry eyes.

“.....Yes?”

“KIRISHIMA!”

“ALRIGHT!” Kirishima sighed. “Well what now?”

“We go out there and explain to her what happened so you don’t end up fucking her!” Bakugou explained as he tried to walk back to you but Kirishima pulled him back.

“Okay but what about my fucking boner?” The pent up boy asked.

“Just rub it out!” Bakugou exclaimed.

“No way! I’m not touching your dick!” Kirishima rebelled.

“Why not? I’m clean. And big! Just saying, I got a pretty dick dude.” Bakugou said with both hands up in defense.

“BAKUGOU!”

“Yeah, fair.” The ex blonde said. The boys thought about it for a bit before something hit Kirishima like a train.

“Wait..if you’re so okay with me seeing your dick..does that mean..you took a look at mine?!” He asked while shaking Bakugou’s his shoulders.

“What?! Gross! No! I was napping all day Shitty Hair so relax! And get your damn hands offa’ me!” Bakugou said while squirming out of Kirishima’s hold.

“Alright, fine whatever! Let’s just go out and explain to L/N.” Kirishima said.

“Good!”

“Goooooodd!” Bakugou said more dramatically. The two boys finally made it back to you and instead of your boyfriend’s body taking a seat next to you, it remained standing. Meanwhile, “Kirishima” took the seat “Katsuki” previously had. You looked towards the red head and then to your boyfriend in a confused tilt.

“Suki? Are you gonna sit?” You asked to “Bakugou.”

“I am.” “Kirishima” replied. You looked towards the muscular boy sitting next to you with a raised brow.

“What?” You questioned.

“Listen, L/N, we got something to tell you.” The actual Kirishima said. You looked to your “boyfriend” with almost a hurt look on your face as to why he was calling you by your family name. The real Bakugou took notice of your sad voice and softened his eyes at your now upset demeanor. “I’m actually Kirishima...”

Your face grew in surprise and then silence hit the room. The boys gazed your looks for a reaction but got nothing other than pure shock. You couldn’t even say anything other than “Eh?!”

“Yeaahhhh..I’m your actual boyfriend.” The red head said. You looked to Kirishima and inspected him closer.

“Uh..Suki?” You said while zooming in of his face.

“Tch. It’s me Teddy Bear, relax,” Bakugou said while looked away with a blushed face as he pushed your face away. You grumbled at his push and took his hand off.

“Yup. That’s you.” You said, relaxing. “So...you’re Katsuki..and you’re Kirishima?”

You watched the boys nod their heads and you were settling down until another thought came to mind. “Wait..so I was-..on the couch-...I thought-...”

“Yeah, you were making out with Shitty Hair but in my body..” Bakugou said with a hand behind his neck. Your face jumped in shock once more until it was replaced with anger. You watched as Kirishima’s new face became nervous and gave a shaky chuckle.

“Kirishima...” you seethed with slanted eyes before you attempted to jump onto the new blonde. Mid-jump, Bakugou grabbed onto your waist and pulled you back onto his lap. You fought against Katsuki’s hold on you but alas he was too strong.

“Nope! No, settle, settle.” Bakugou said with an iron grip on your waist. You finally calmed down until you took notice you were sitting in BASICALLY Kirishima’s lap. Feeling uncomfortable you scooted off your boyfriend and sat next to him. Bakugou looked at you with a confused expression that demanded an explanation.

“Heh..sorry um, Suki. But I’m not sitting on you or doing...anything else that’s lovey dovey until you’re back to your own body.” You explained.

“Wha- that’s not fair! You were all over here grinding on him just a few minutes ago!” Bakugou whined and pointed at his body.

“Because I didn’t know it wasn’t you!” Bakugou just grumbled and groaned at you. Your reasoning was fair but he just wanted his girlfriend.

“Okay, whatever. Be pouty. Just- When is this quirk gonna wear off?” You asked. Bakugou continued to pout with crossed arms but luckily Kirishima answered.

“2 weeks.” He said.

“Alright then!” You said while clapping your hands and standing up, gathering Katsuki’s attention. “For the next 2 weeks or until you go back to normal, Suki, no touching, no kisses, no overly-friendly hugs, no cuddles, no lap-sitting....”

Bakugou listened to you list all the things he couldn’t do. As you went on, his jaw dropped as he realized he wouldn’t be able to do all the things he usually does to you for the next 2 weeks. The list went on and on until you finished it with one final detail. “...and finally. No sex.”

“WHAT?!” Bakugou said while standing up now. “WHY?!”

“Katsuki. I’m not fucking my boyfriend’s best friend’s body. No offense Kiri,” you said to the other boy.

“None taken!” He said with his winning smile. Just less shark-toothy. Bakugou just mumbled about until you cut him off.

“Anyways! I’m going to bed. After this long and frankly awkward day, I think we all should.” You said and the boys agreed. You all walked to your respected dorms but when Bakugou tried following you into your dorm while he was still in Kirishima’s body, you stopped him with a hand on his chest.

“Uh, sorry Suki. You’ll be sleeping in your own dorm for the next 2 weeks. No sleeping together either.” You watched as Bakugou became much more agitated as he huffed. He grumbled as he reluctantly walked all the way to his own dorm room. You giggled as you watched the now red head walk away and shut your door. You couldn’t help but laugh as you laid down on your bed but 10 minutes passed and before you could fall asleep, a knock was at your door.

“Suki, I said we can’t sleep on my bed together.” You said once you opened the door, finding Kirishima’s body holding a pillow and blanket.

“I know it’s just- *sigh* look, if I can’t cuddle with you can I at least sleep on the ground and hold your hand?” He said, looking away with an embarrassed blush. “I know you said hand-holding isn’t allowed but you won’t be seeing me since I’ll be out of your sight and on the ground.”

You smiled at how clingy he was being. It was adorable and you just had to give in. “Fine, come in.”

Katsuki perked up with a small smile and happily followed you into the room. You got comfy on the bed while he set up his little pillow and blanket. You finally dropped your hand down so he could hold onto it and his warm hand held a strong grip on your own.

So now here you were, late at night, “cuddling” with your boyfriend. In a way. You smiled as you held onto his hand and couldn’t help but giggle when you felt his lips place a sweet kiss to your knuckles. Oh well, I guess there was nothing wrong with holding hands with your boyfriend’s best friend. As long as it’s your boyfriend who’s in his best friend’s body.

You couldn’t believe this was gonna be your life for the next 2 weeks.

Tag list: @sxcker4you @aomi04

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get-shiggy-with-it · 3 years

Text

Ch. 3

18+ MINORS DNI

Pairing: Shigaraki x Dabi (just this part), Tomura Shigaraki x fem!reader (very brief and vague reference to Dabi x Hawks)

Word Count: 3.4k

Warnings: smut and feels, it's literally just smut, blow jobs, friends(?) with benefits, blow jobs, anal fingering, light degradation (both for shigs and reader), could maybe be interpreted as slight dubcon, dirty talk, slutty dabi, dabi is an asshole, so is tomura, reader has gender neutral pronouns, I'm keeping it fem cause Shigs hates women and calls them that

Ch. 1 | Ch. 2 | Ch. 3 | Ch. 4 | Ch. 5 | Ch. 6

Summary: In which the boys share in some good ole roommate bonding activities and Tomura has a blow job induced epiphany.

AO3 Mirror

Taglist: @dillybuggg (shoot me an ask if you want to be tagged and make sure to check my rules!)

Dabi’s mouth was wet and so fucking warm as he swallowed around Tomura’s dick.

“Oh fuck…” he groaned as Dabi hummed around his length and did that thing where he flicked the ball of his tongue ring over Tomura’s slit.

Bright blue eyes stared up through deceptively long lashes, smirking at the way Tomura drooled as he got his soul sucked out the tip of dick. The mattress underneath him creaked despite the negligible weight of both their bodies. Dabi settled on his stomach between Tomura’s pale thighs leaving fingerprint bruises in soft flesh.

They did this sometimes, though he wasn’t quite sure when exactly it started. Dabi had been his randomly assigned roommate freshman year and he grew so used to living with him that the two of them had just silently, yet mutually agreed not to fuck something up that wasn’t broken. They both berated each other for their strange and somewhat disgusting habits—Dabi would say that Tomura was a gross shut-in creep who needed a fucking shower and Tomura called Dabi out on his slutty pastimes and obsession with piercing the hell out of every available inch of skin.

And sometimes they sucked each other off.

It was overall not a terrible arrangement—Dabi got his fill of dick and Tomura could no longer be made fun of for being completely inexperienced. Plus, as much as he was loathe to admit, Dabi was really fucking good at oral. Like, demonically good. He’d been going down on Tomura for so long now too that he’d learned all the things that had him spilling onto that pierced tongue in minutes.

Tomura jerked from his thoughts when two, lube slicked fingers prodding at his ass.

“Dabi, what the fuck are you—” he protested, wiggling his scrawny hips up the bed and inadvertently letting his cock slip out of the inviting heat between his roommate’s lips.

He couldn’t see much other than the shaking mop of black hair and pale hands with chipped black nail polish digging into his legs, yanking him back.

“Shut up freak,” Dabi slurred, words slick with spit and Tomura’s precum. Dabi said it tasted like battery acid, but it never stopped him from guzzling it like he did with cheap whiskey and cigarettes on the weekends. “I know you like it.”

He did like it, but Tomura wasn’t about to contribute to the fucking evil grin Dabi was giving him as he circled the tight ring of muscle, slipping in a finger to the first knuckle.

Tomura’s head flopped back on the pillows as he bit back a low moan, “Fuck off.”

“If you say so,” Dabi shoved his finger in roughly, squeezing a second in behind it and letting Tomura bask in the burn of being stretched too quickly before ripping his hands away.

“No!” Tomura wailed pretty fucking shamelessly and grabbed the retreating wrist, placing Dabi’s tatted hand back on his dick that throbbed and leaked painfully.

“Dude, what’s gotten the fuck into you?” his roommate asked, smirking still, but pumping Tomura's cock loosely nonetheless. “Our walls are thin as hell, you know I can hear you jerkin' it in here every night, and now you’re practically begging for me to suck you off. Usually I gotta come to you.”

He was infuriatingly right again.

Tomura had indeed asked for him to do this, which was definitely out of character for him. Most of the time when they ended up in this position, it was because Dabi spent hours hounding him about it or just fucking dropped to his knees and whipped Tomura’s cock out in the middle of a movie night or snuck into his room while Tomura was gaming and swallowed him whole just to laugh at the way his online friends reacted to the noises.

He’s just been so pent up lately, and you insisting on fucking touching his arm or sitting on the floor between his feet at League meetings was really not helping it.

“I don’t know,” Tomura lied, both to Dabi and himself in the hopes that the head of black hair would just go back to bobbing on his dick like he so desperately needed it to.

“Bro, I have fucked with enough people to know when they’re wishing I was someone else,” Dabi scoffed and ran a blessedly hot tongue from base to tip and suckled softly at the blush pink head before pulling back with a wet pop. “So who is it?”

“I’m not fucking thinking about anyone,” Tomura hissed, fisting Dabi’s spiky, black locks and thrusting into his mouth till he felt the contractions of Dabi gagging around his length. “Usually you're jumping at the chance to get dick in your mouth, so why does it matter?”

Dabi pulled back, wiping the silvery string of spit leaking past his lips away and scowling as his fingers ghosted over Tomura’s balls and sank back into his pliant ass.

“Seriously creep, I’m five seconds away from ghosting and you can fuck your hand like the sad little bitch you are. So tell me their name or I’m walking right now.”

Tomura huffed as he felt Dabi’s long, rough fingers pulled from him again and the heat of his mouth growing farther away.

“Ugh fine, it’s that bitch I’ve been working on the English thing with.”

Dabi made a face like his brain was buffering.

“Seriously?” he asked, mouth gaping in a way that had Tomura even more furious his dick wasn’t buried in it.

“Yes!” he shouted and grabbed Dabi’s cheeks in both hands, sinking past his waiting lips and practically purring when he felt them close around the base as his long tongue massaged the shaft. “Oh god yes…”

Dabi rolled his eyes, managing to look smug even with a cock stretching his lips taught against the piercings. He used to try and tease Tomura about how small his dick was, but it was hard to believe him. Especially with how he choked sometimes when Tomura got rough with him despite his boasts of lacking a gag reflex. Not to mention how he looked now, jaw probably aching with the stretch and loving every second of it.

Tomura lazily bucked his hips up and whined high when the fingers in his ass curled and thrust against that fucking spot he hadn’t known was there until Dabi found it for him.

The pleased sound he made tapered off into a growl though, when his roommate with questionable benefits pulled off again to run his slutty fucking mouth.

“Tell me about it,” he mumbled, kitten licking at Tomura’s cock and running the ball of his piercing through the slit again. Tomura gulped when he pulled it back into his mouth to swallow the bead of precum he’d collected. “I’ve seen your fucking paramour around before, pretty serious about school though. And kinda out of your league too, not gonna lie. So, what would you do if your cute little partner was here instead?”

Tomura bristled at the insult but couldn’t keep his pissed off look when Dabi went back to sucking his cock like a pro and curling those fucking fingers against his prostate. When he did speak, he blushed hard at the way his voice cracked and sounded like he was crying.

“I don’t fucking—holy shit—know,” he gasped and Dabi hummed both to egg him on and to get a whole new wave of precum gushing out of Tomura’s dick.

“C’mon man,” Dabi groaned, and Tomura distinctly heard the sound of a pants zipper and felt Dabi’s hips canting against the sheets.

That fucking masochistic whore. He would get off to Tomura dirty talking about someone else while he sucked his dick.

He considered stopping the whole thing right there, but then Dabi was sinking a third finger into his ass and thrusting hard while he hallowed his cheeks around Tomura’s cock and sucked—

“Tits!” Tomura cried and covered his burning, red cheeks with his hands. “I want to put my fucking face in them and taste them in my mouth. Sometimes I can see the outline of their nipples when we’re working and the air conditioning comes on and I want to suck on them so fucking bad I can’t think about anything else the whole night.”

Once he got started, Tomura found the words just spilled from him like a dam had burst. Dabi, the depraved bastard, groaned loud and ground his pierced dick harder against the mattress as he continued to deepthroat Tomura’s cock and fuck his ass at that perfect angle.

“Sometimes when they drag me to their stupid club I lose the rounds cause I—oh god, oh fuck—just imagine them in my lap, sitting on my cock and fucking writhing and squeezing me while we face off. Such a fucking—Dabi more!—stereotypical try-hard, bitch but I want to be inside them so fucking bad,” he felt actual tears stinging the raw corners of his eyes when Dabi sped up on his dick.

Tomura scrapped his nails against Dabi’s scalp, holding on for dear life as his breathing became even more ragged than usual. His friend’s cruelty streak reared its ugly head as Dabi sensed the tensing of Tomura’s balls and the clench of his tight ass and slowed down a fraction, keeping him teetering on the edge of an explosively pleasurable release.

“Fucking asshole,” he growled, but didn’t dare try to fuck Dabi’s face lest he make good on his threat to leave Tomura high and dry. “I just—shit, ah, don’t stop—they talk to me sometimes and I just wanna suck their tongue into my mouth so they shut up and I need to hear them fucking falling apart or using that stupid, stuck up teacher voice on me and fucking my ass—Dabi Fuck—is that what you wanted to hear?”

Dabi, because he got off on being a little shit, gave him one last delicious swallow before pulling back and fisting Tomura’s sopping wet cock. The fingers had stopped thrusting and were now pressed hard against his prostate, sending shocks through his body and making him twitch violently as his blood rushed with endorphins. He never stopped grinding his own dick against Tomura’s cotton sheets the whole time.

“You got it bad huh, don’t ya creep,” he mused, letting a fat glob of spit fall from his lips and keep his palm slick. “That’s the most I’ve ever heard you talk about fucking anything, much less another actual person.”

“No I fucking don’t, “ Tomura writhed against the pillows, giving in to the undeniable urge to simultaneously fuck up into Dabi’s hand and ride his fingers.

“Who knew you were such a desperate whore, falling for the first person to show you a modicum of attention,” Dabi jeered and squeezed the tip of his dick hard, listening to Tomura let out a choked sob. “I’m actually kinda proud of you, bro. My little incel baby’s growing up.”

Dabi cooed at Tomura, sinking sharp teeth deep into the meat of his thigh and sucking a bruise into the flesh.

“You’re the one—nghh—getting off on it,” Tomura clapped back but didn’t bother denying it again.

There was a sense of dread growing in his gut alongside the mounting pleasure of his orgasm that Dabi was currently holding hostage. Dabi may have had a dickish personality just as massive as the actual dick that was currently painting his comforter in stains, but he knew Tomura.

And he did, admittedly have much more experience with these types of things.

“Fuck yeah I am,” Dabi grunted. “Last time I let you return the favor you bit my fucking cock. I gotta get off somehow.”

“Don’t say rude shit to me and I won’t bite you.”

“Watch it, Tomura,” Dabi huffed and nipped at his thigh again. “You should be thanking me for my services.”

“Not if you’re gonna keep running your mouth instead of sucking me off,” he tried to sound intimidating but he was well and truly wrecked and couldn’t find the energy to give his words an edge.

“You should ask them out,” Dabi continued, ignoring the failed attempts at banter. “Bring ‘em over or some shit. Maybe then if I lock down that blonde piece of ass I’ve been talking to, we’ll both have much more interesting things to go down on.”

“Your whore ass is the one always jumping me, don’t act like it’s a fucking chore,” Tomura groaned as Dabi started licking at his cock again, pressing sloppy, half kisses on the tip as he jerked it in his fist.

“Not my fault I get bored sometimes,” he replied and closed his eyes as Tomura clenched particularly hard around Dabi’s relentless fingers. “But seriously, you should go for it. I’d kill to find out if you’re just as bad at eating pussy as you are sucking dick.”

“Fuck y—” Tomura started to say when Dabi reared up till they were chest to chest and their foreheads knocked together.

“I fucking will if you don’t shut up, creep, and I think it’d be so much better if you handed your fucking virginity to that pretty little partner bitch instead,” he said and stunned Tomura into silence when he licked into his mouth.

Dabi had kissed him before, but Tomura could count the number of occasions on one hand and almost all had been when his punk ass roommate was drunk as hell and in his feels about some tortured past. But Dabi’s eyes were bright and lucid now, blinking down at Tomura as he dragged their tongues together, flooding his mouth with the faint taste of cigarettes and jizz.

Their cocks brushed together too, the stimulation making Tomura whine into Dabi’s lips, who dropped a merciful hand down, taking them both in his fist and began pumping.

He didn’t stop as he pulled back, grinning down at Tomura like a fucking maniac—all shitty tattoos and silver piercings. The little barbels that stuck through Dabi’s nipples brushed against his own and made him moan at the cool metal and hot skin on his sensitive chest. Tomura was fucking sensitive everywhere, as Dabi had helped him discover, probably from a lifetime of being touched more by cheap sweatshirts than human hands.

“Now,” Dabi grunted as he thrust loosely against Tomura’s cock and his own fist before pulling away to settle back between his legs. “Shut up and cum down my throat—gotta give your virgin ass a refresher on mind shattering orgasms, so you know if that bitch is any good or not.”

Tomura’s tongue was halfway around a witty comeback when Dabi swallowed him to the hilt once again and started working his ass even harder. He really fucked hoped the neighbors were not home to hear him get his shit rocked at 2pm on a fucking Tuesday, cause Dabi might have been flunking out of his classes but he’d get a goddamn A plus for sucking dick.

The hand on his thigh, spreading him open, migrated to his hip so that Tomura could snap his legs shut hard around Dabi’s ring littered ears as he guided Tomura to grind down on his hand. The pressure in his gut built up exponentially higher now that Dabi wasn’t trying to hold him on the edge of climax. It took an embarrassingly short amount of time for him to acquiesce to Dabi’s request, as he tightened up in a full body clench before gripping Dabi’s hair and spilling rope after rope of hot, sticky release straight onto his roommate’s tongue.

Dabi, the fucking slut, made a show of swallowing every drop that spilled from Tomura’s abused cock, milking his prostate the whole time and only letting Tomura slip from his mouth when he was soft and finally spent.

The fingers in his ass remained though, still for the most part and slowly dipping in and out every so often. Tomura whimpered and clenched but was somewhat thankful for the remaining feeling of fullness.

“So, did you really mean all that?” Dabi asked with his signature smirk. “You really want your group project partner to cockwarm you and fuck your tight little ass?”

“Fuck off,” Tomura scowled and smacked Dabi hard across the face with an errant pillow.

Dabi yanked it from his grasp and tossed his ammunition onto the floor. “Hey, it’s not actually too bad in here,” he wiggled his fingers for emphasis which elicited an embarrassingly high gasp from Tomura, “give ‘em my number if you need a reference for asshole tightness.”

“Get the fuck out of my ass and my room,” Tomura kicked at Dabi’s back as it shook with laughter that lacked it’s usual jeering bite.

“What? Saving the cuddles for your new S/O?” he shot back, nuzzling his cum and spit covered face into Tomura’s neck.

With their chests pressed together, Tomura could feel the cooling, sticky remnants of Dabi’s own release coating his stomach. He squirmed against the sensation and pushed at the offending chest until his friend flopped down onto the scant space left between the mattress and the wall.

“Ew,” Tomura ran a finger through the mess Dabi had left smeared on him. “I’m taking a fucking shower.”

“God, finally!” Dabi exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air and producing a cigarette from god knows where. He let the paper rest between his lips unlit. “I should have thought about getting you fucked out on the reg earlier, creep, if it’ll stop you smelling like ass.”

Tomura launched the discarded pillow which hit it’s mark with a dull thump.

“You better be fucking gone when I get back,” he hissed and stumbled naked, on shaking legs into the hall and to their shared bathroom.

Dabi’s cackling followed him until the door shut and the lock clicked behind him.

Tomura turned the water on quickly, letting steam cloud the mirror before he jumped under the spray. The only products on the shelves were Dabi’s for the most part with the exception of a store brand bar of soap and some 3 in one shampoo, conditioner, and body wash.

Tomura knew he should clean himself more often, but his skin was so fucking raw all the time it hurt to do, so he mostly avoided it unless the smell got really unbearable—or Dabi was painting him in jizz whenever the opportunity presented itself.

He tried to get in and out as quickly as possible so he didn’t have the opportunity to think too hard about the admission his fuck buddy roommate had pulled from him mid blow job. Because if he did—in his post nut, clingy state—he’d most certainly imagine you were with him, tits pressed against his back and your soft, insistent tongue dipping past his lips, tasting like fruit gum and expensive cafe drinks instead of nicotine and cum.

And he really couldn’t handle that. Cause Dabi was right, he had something fucking bad for you and the thought of another rejection loomed large.

When he did towel himself off and shuffle, still naked back into his bedroom Dabi was nowhere to be seen. Tomura’s phone however, was left sitting right next to the jizz stain on his sheets. He frowned at the open balcony door where Dabi was no doubt smoking and snatched the device before tumbling onto the pillows.

He powered it on and scrolled through his notifs before one caught his eyes. You and Dabi were really the only people that ever texted him, but the contact name above this one had changed.

bitch (endearing)

— hey, starting an impromptu round of Smash soon if you’re interested <3

The stupid text heart made his chest throb and he stared at Dabi’s new nickname for you, not even noticing the fucking grin that tugged at his cheeks.

He bit his lip to stop the twitching when it pulled too hard at the chapped skin and scrambled for his clothes before shooting a quick confirmation text back. Tomura opted for his only pair of black jeans this time instead of sweats and the least stained sweatshirt he owned.

Dabi peaked around the corner when he heard the clink of Tomura’s keys. The bastard was smoking in just a pair of underwear that left half his ass on display for all the whole fucking street. He smirked, quirking his eyebrows and bringing his hands up to slip his index finger through the circle he made on the other hand in a silent, vulgar gesture.

“Screw off,” Tomura shouted over his shoulder and made for the door.

“Wrap it before you tap it, bro!” Dabi called after him, cut off by the subsequent slamming.

Tomura took the stairs two at a time, pulling out his phone and tucking the hood over his damp hair, this time to hide the growing smile playing at his lips.

#tomura shigaraki x reader #shigaraki tomura x reader #tomura shigaraki x you #tomura x reader #shigaraki x reader #tomura shigaraki x dabi #shigaraki x dabi #shigadabi #bee.writes

312 notes · View notes

cinnaminsvga · 4 years

Text

Hug-o-gram | Yoongi

→ summary:

“This is probably the dumbest idea you’ve ever had,” Yoongi hisses, but it’s kind of hard for Seokjin to take him seriously when he’s wearing a cardboard sign around his neck that says ‘Huggie Wuggie Machine!’ in bubble font.

“Like, even worse than when we DIY’d your car into a convertible by sawing the top off?” Seokjin asks, genuinely curious.

“Worse,” Yoongi admits, trying his best to stay out of your line of sight. His cheeks redden, matching the gaudy pink kitten ears he was forced into wearing.

{or alternatively: Seokjin is a terrible wingman. He also runs a profitable business by sending hugs to people’s crushes for a fee. Mix them together and you have a recipe for Min Yoongi’s worst nightmare.}

→ genre: college!au, hugging booth!au, fluff, humor → warnings: yoongi is so smitten that he’s a walking disaster, so much shy!yoongi to the point where you’ll want to scream, seokjin just tryna get his homie some y/n love coochie bro ;o; → words: 13.3K → a/n: another commission by the lovely @jincherie because she’s epic like that!! she literally just told me to write whatever the hell i wanted and well... yoobie got me Good... anyway here’s more yoongi fluff bc apparently i’m a fluff writer now and sometimes i just want my boy to be happy... appa yip yip

Kim Seokjin makes a lot of good decisions. He also makes plenty of bad ones, but he likes to think the score is lying heavily towards the positives. Min Yoongi will be the first one to quickly disagree, but Seokjin doesn’t let it get to him. He doesn’t make it his business to listen to opinions that don’t immediately align with his, anyway; he likes to call it “selective hearing.” Yoongi calls it stupidity. Either way, the point still stands: Seokjin knows a good idea when he sees one. Case in point:

“This automatic popcorn machine is absolutely divine,” Seokjin moans, his mouth agape as he waits for the Mister Popcorn Robot to bestow him with another morsel of goodness.

“Yeah,” is Yoongi’s verbose reply. He also has his mouth agape, his prone body lying side by side with his roommate of four years in their small living room. Their roomba (another one of Seokjin’s good ideas) cleans all around them, its steady whirring serving as their only source of background music. “Lowkey though, I think our position isn’t quite… as optimized as it could be.”

“What do you mean?” Seokjin asks, as he drapes his leg over Yoongi’s. His movement jostles the surrounding popcorn halo around them, as most of the food had missed their mouths by a couple of centimeters. At this point, the roomba has probably eaten more of the popcorn than the two of them combined.

“Nothing,” Yoongi shrugs, or whatever might be the lying down equivalent of a shrug. Some of the popcorn on his chest falls down, only to be quickly devoured by roomba-chi. Yoongi stares at the ceiling, tracing shapes out of the cracks that Seokjin had accidentally made when he tried using a pogo stick indoors. He points up, catching Seokjin’s attention. “Hey, hyung. Doesn’t that look a bit like Y/N?”

Seokjin squints. “You mean the mysterious brown stain near the lights? I think the toilet from the elderly couple upstairs might have leaked that.”

“No, you dipshit. The squiggly curve over there. It reminds me of her smile.” Yoongi says. There’s a stupid dopey grin on his face and Seokjin wants nothing more than to wipe it off.

“Jesus fucking Christ.” Seokjin groans, turning over to envelop Yoongi in a sweaty half-armed hug. The buttery residue on his arms and stomach leaves something to be desired, but Yoongi doesn’t scoot away. He only continues to sigh dreamily, staring mindlessly at the image of you that only his lovelorn brain can imagine.

Seokjin slaps Yoongi in the face. “Dude, get a fucking grip,” he grouses, giving Yoongi a serious look. The younger doesn’t break out of his trance, further irritating him. “Will you stop pining in front of my popcorn? It’s seriously making roomba-chi lose her appetite!”

To his credit, roomba-chi did seem to be slowing down, though that could also be because it had overloaded with popcorn and was seconds away from exploding. Wouldn’t be the first time, but Seokjin always managed to find a way to save roomba-chi from imminent death. She was like a daughter to him.

“Hyung, you know I can’t. I just… God, I really like her, you know?”

“That’s the third time you said that within the last hour. Believe me, I know.” Seokjin groans, shoving Yoongi away. He sits up, reaching over to the popcorn machine and switching it off. He grabs a fistful of fallen popcorn from the ground and shoves it inside Yoongi’s mouth. “There. That should shut you up.”

“Aw weawwy wike hew, hwung.”

“And yet, you still haven’t done anything after four years,” Seokjin tuts, finally standing up. He stretches his limbs, his joints creaking youthfully. He grabs his phone from the coffee table, nearly dropping it from the butteriness of his fingers. The clock reads 4:32 PM, which means–

“Yoongi, it’s time for me to head to work. You want to come with me today?” Seokjin asks, though he knows what answer he’s going to get. You see, Seokjin’s new booming business is another one of his fantastic ideas, but it is a little... inventive. Sure, Yoongi had scoffed when he had originally suggested the idea, but Seokjin knew that it was going to be a money-maker. Sure, it had taken a few years for the business to really take off, but once it finally did…

Enter Kim Seokjin’s Hug-o-gram Service! Students from his university are able to send anonymous payments directly to him, with little notes attached for their crushes. Each love letter delivery comes with a hug from Seokjin himself, delivered straight to the person without them ever knowing who the hug came from. It was ingenious! It was lucrative! But most of all…

It allowed Seokjin to cause drama and have an excuse for it! Nothing could have been more perfect for a man like him.

“No thanks,” Yoongi snorts, rolling over to face him. He watches from the floor as Seokjin changes into a butter-less shirt, which also happens to have his own face printed on the front and back. His trusty cardboard sign that reads “I’m Gonna Glomp Ya!” also joins his attire for the afternoon, a long piece of string tied to its edges so that he can wear it around his neck. Throwing on a pair of white sneakers with the tags still attached, Seokjin is ready to tackle today’s list of would-be hug-ees.

“How do I look?” Seokjin asks, combing his hair with his fingers. It leaves an oily sheen, which he somehow makes it work.

“Ugly,” Yoongi says, like a liar.

“It’s okay, I understand. I can speak tsundere, so you don’t need to explain,” Seokjin snickers, nearly getting hit with a TV remote by Yoongi. He opens his phone again, swiping to his e-mail to see his list of hug deliveries for the day.

Seokjin gets around 10 requests a day, with around half of them coming from regular clients. He’s especially fond of this boy who has been sending hugs to his TA named Namjoon for almost a month now. He has no idea why this kid has so much disposable income, though seeing the blush on Namjoon’s face everyday makes Seokjin think that he would spend every last penny for him too. Namjoon had begged Seokjin for his secret admirer’s identity, but snitchin’ isn’t a part of his service, unfortunately.

As much as Seokjin wants to know who is crushing on who, his little business wouldn’t work as well as it did if anonymity wasn’t included in his package deal. It allows people to thirst in public without facing the repercussions, like getting a knee to the groin or a slap to the face. Not that Seokjin has ever been at the receiving end of that; everyone loves him! Like, have you seen him? He must have saved a civilization in the past with how devastatingly beautiful his forehead is.

“Why am I suddenly filled with the relentless urge to deck you right now?” Yoongi says, getting up to change into clean clothes as well. His black t-shirt unfortunately does not have Seokjin’s face on it, but that can quickly be amended if the elder of the two decides to follow his every intrusive whim.

Seokjin laughs, completely unaware of the murderous capabilities of his friend. Due to his smaller body size, his percentage of evil is unusually concentrated. “Maybe it’s because you know that I’m into pain pla–” but Seokjin’s retort suddenly grinds to a halt. He chokes mid-sentence, coughing wildly as he pounds his chest with a balled-up fist. When Yoongi looks up at him, he finds his hyung staring slack-jawed at his phone, seemingly flabbergasted by what he finds on his screen.

“What’s the matter? Accidentally sent a dick pic to your prof again?” Yoongi snorts.

“That was one time! And no, it’s…” Seokjin trails off, uncharacteristically hesitant. He shifts his gaze from his phone to Yoongi, a drop of sweat quickly forming on the back of his neck. Yoongi raises a brow, silently urging him to continue.

Instead of replying, Seokjin hands him his phone. Yoongi finds a copy of one of Seokjin’s newest hug requests, only having just received it five minutes ago. As he scrolls down, he finds that this secret admirer is a new client, but that isn’t what made Seokjin stop in his tracks. Instead, it’s the recipient of the hug that catches his attention–

“Y/N has a secret admirer?” Yoongi says, voice cracking at the end. He clears his throat, trying his best to school his face into something less… jealous. He swivels away from Seokjin, forcing himself to breathe slowly through his nose. He convinces himself that he is the very epitome of calmness.

“You okay there, Yoongi? You look like you’re about to vomit,” Seokjin says, immediately breaking his inner peace. Yoongi groans loudly, shucking the phone over his shoulder, uncaring of where it lands. Seokjin, with his superhuman and God-given reflexes… doesn’t catch it. But he did dive to the floor like a seasoned Olympian, and his ass cushioned his phone so he supposes that’s a win.

Back to the matter at hand––

“I am fine,” Yoongi says, as he continues to not be fine.

From the floor, Seokjin shoots him a disbelieving look. He lies down more comfortably, propping his head on his elbows. Screw his hug-o-gram appointments for now; nothing brings him more joy than seeing Yoongi absolutely losing it. “Really? So you wouldn’t mind if I marched up to Y/N right now and give her the warmest, coziest, most tender hug of her fucking life?”

“Y… Yes,” Yoongi squeaks, neck glowing a furious red. He has his fists clenched (adorably) by his sides, head bowed as he faces the wall of their apartment. Seokjin’s brain makes the unhelpful comparison of Yoongi with that cat meme who says “no talk me angy” in Impact font.

Seokjin grins, his wickedness from within coiling and yearning to burst from his seams. This is it! Maybe if he pushes a little more, then maybe Yoongi will stop pining like a pathetic loser! Also, it didn’t hurt that he got to push Yoongi’s buttons while he’s at it, but hey! Not all heroes go to heaven or whatever.

He grabs his phone from his ass, scrolling back to the e-mail. “So… You wouldn’t mind if I walk up to Y/N right now and tell her ‘Hey! I’ve had an embarrassingly long crush on you and when I heard about this hugging service… I couldn’t miss the chance to shoot my shot! If you’re single and ready to #mingle, then please meet me at the Corner Cafe at 2 PM tomorrow.’” Seokjin sing-songs, snickering loudly when he sees the absolute pain etched onto Yoongi’s face.

There is a pause, and Seokjin waits as Yoongi uses his tiny kitty brain to think of what to do. He can only imagine what’s going inside his head, but he has a guess. Yoongi could either: 1) finally admit his feelings for you and come clean before Seokjin has to deliver your hug, or 2) do something stupid and counterproductive.

It comes as no surprise when Yoongi goes with option number––

“Hyung, let me come with you to work today,” Yoongi decides, walking over Seokjin’s prone body to their shoe rack. He slides into a pair of sneakers, his harried movements unusual for his customary lethargicness. He grabs a coat from its hanger, stomping his feet to get Seokjin to move faster. “C’mon! We have hugs to deliver.”

“Woah woah woah! Slow down there, Simpimus Prime.” Seokjin gets back up to his feet, skipping over to him. An absolutely feral grin is stretched upon his face. “Am I hearing what you’re saying? Are you offering… to deliver hugs with yours truly? Are you finally going to take up my offer to be an employee at Kim Seokjin’s Hug-o-gram Service?”

“Of course not,” Yoongi scoffs, but his shifting eyes betray him. He fidgets in place, refusing to return Seokjin’s eager gaze. “I just… wanted to go out for once. Yeah.”

“Yoongi.”

“What?”

“You haven’t left this apartment other than to go to class in over a month. You never go out. You’re an indoor cat!”

“I’m not a fucking cat,” Yoongi hisses, like a cat. “And of course I go out! There was that one time I went outside to pick up our food delivery last week.”

Judging from Seokjin’s unimpressed stare, Yoongi’s excuse doesn’t cut it. Yoongi flaps his arms around, defeated. “Okay, fine! I rarely go out! Screw me and the bounteous crapload of assignments I have due! It’s not my fault I don’t have the time to socialize and have fun. What do you want from me?”

What Seokjin wants is to push a confession out of Yoongi, not because he needs the confirmation, but mostly because he just wants to annoy Yoongi and say “I told you so!” He’s also pretty cute when he’s all blushy and tsundere whenever he talks about you. Should he film him and sell the footage on eboys.bb? He’s certain that goth boy over here would make a pretty penny.

“You like krabby patties, don’t you Squidward?”

“I have no idea what you mean,” Yoongi sniffs, nose upturned. He opens the door, not looking behind him to see Seokjin’s triumphant expression. “C’mon. Y/N’s last class of the day ends in a few minutes and we might catch her before she leaves the Science Building.”

Seokjin snorts. He is quick to slip his own coat on and he follows soon after. He locks their door shut, hopping over to Yoongi and matching his shorter-legged pace. “Yeah. Because you totally just know her schedule at the top of your head. You know, like a normal person.”

Yoongi ignores him. He trudges on, each step filled with determination as they make their way to Seokjin’s beat-up truck. Seokjin skips alongside him, observing the younger boy and placing bets inside his mind. The drive to campus isn’t that long as it only takes around 10 minutes to get there, but Seokjin guesses that Yoongi’s defenses will begin to chip away only 3 minutes into the drive.

He’ll start to realize the gravity of the situation, the cogs in his smooth and slushy excuse of a brain slowly comprehend what he’s about to witness. He’ll first think about how 1) he’s going to see you and that never helps his poor dainty grandpa heart and 2) he’s going to see you hugging Seokjin as he reads to you the short love confession from your anonymous Romeo. Seokjin bets that after 8 minutes, Yoongi will start to break out into a sweat, leaving gross perspiration marks on his good car seat leather.

After exactly 7 minutes and 34 seconds (Seokjin was keeping track of the time on his dashboard), Yoongi’s face turns an unflattering shade of green. “Dude. I don’t think this is a good idea.”

Yoongi had originally offered to drive the two of them to campus, but Seokjin had the good foresight to refuse. Had Yoongi been the one on the wheel, he would’ve brought them back home in an instant due to nerves. So instead, Seokjin speeds up, ignoring Yoongi’s soft whimpers of defeat.

“Too bad, but there is no turning back now. I have six deliveries today and I am not putting my livelihood on the line just because your balls have magically shrunk in size,” Seokjin snickers. He glances at Yoongi from the corner of his eye and feels the slightest touch of pity for the pathetic fool beside him. “But if it really makes you want to shit yourself from anxiety, we could save Y/N for last. Though, on second thought… That could also prolong your misery, which I will always be up for.”

“God, shut up,” Yoongi groans, slamming his head on the dashboard. Seokjin continues undeterred as he pulls into the campus parking lot, waiting for his friend to make up his damn mind for once in his life. He supposes that he is being a little harsh on Yoongi, but there are only so many sad love songs he can listen to without going completely insane.

Aren’t you tired of being nice? The demon on his shoulder cajoles, shoving the corpse of his angel counterpart somewhere down a ditch. Don’t you just want to go apeshit?

And who is Seokjin to deny his impulsive needs anyway?

“No, let’s… just get this over with,” Yoongi decides, head still smushed against his dashboard. He doesn’t make any move to get out of the car, not even when Seokjin shuts off the engine and makes a show of “leaving” Yoongi behind.

“Okay, lover boy. You have ten seconds to get your butt into high gear before I’m leaving you behind. And you should know that I’m not above playing dirty and giving Y/N the sweetest fucking hug of her life that will make her forget anyone else exists in this world, so you better start moving before I–”

Like lightning, Yoongi scrambles out of the car faster than if it had caught on fire (and Seokjin’s car has exploded before and Yoongi certainly did not seem as bothered to escape than he does right now.) He nearly trips over himself in his haste, getting caught by the car door and nearly receiving a concrete facial to boot. He straightens up with as much dignity as he can muster (which he doesn’t have very much of, if at all.) Seokjin is kind enough not to mention anything, but the shit-eating grin on his face is enough to make Yoongi bristle.

They exit the parking lot, looking to the world like the sun and moon had turned human for the day. Min Yoongi, with his all-black attire and gaunt appearance, is heavily juxtaposed with the man who appears to have been vomited on by a rainbow. They walk side-by-side together, accustomed to the stares that often come their way when they go out in public.

“I just can’t believe we’re doing this,” Yoongi moans for the umpteenth time, his movements stilted like a robot. His footsteps look heavily disjointed like his knees were beginning to rust. His arms swing like a pendulum, adding to the unnaturalness of his motions. Basically, he looks like a fucking idiot.

“Who are you calling an idiot?” Yoongi snaps. Seokjin startles a bit, realizing belatedly that he’d said that out loud. Not that he cares. Yoongi continues, “I’m not the one wearing a fucking cardboard sign that looks like a toddler made it with macaroni and glitter!”

“Hey, Taehyung told me it looked good,” Seokjin sniffs, fingering the macaroni pieces dejectedly. “I don’t need to hear an opinion from a Music major.”

“Shut up, Business major. No one likes you fucking snakes,” Yoongi retorts, crossing his arms. “Your definition of fun is going on LinkedIn and using Excel sheets.”

Distracted by their own quarrel, neither of them notice the sound of the large clock in the middle of campus that chimes every hour, signaling that it was already 5 PM. A few minutes later, hoards of students begin to leave university for the day, the walkways beginning to fill with people as they head home. Amidst the chattering and bustling of everyone trying to get out of the crowd, it is hard to notice that you are also one of the hundreds of people finishing your last class of the day.

But Yoongi notices, as he always does. Call it Y/N intuition, or whatever. “There,” Yoongi points you out over dozens of heads. Seokjin can hardly spot you, but he trusts Yoongi’s weird Y/N-dar to find you without fail. People have begun to notice the two of them, most of whom were whispering excitedly when they notice that Seokjin is in his work attire.

“Oh my god, someone’s getting a hug-o-gram! I wonder who…”

“Have you ever ordered one? I got one for my current girlfriend last month and that’s how we got together.”

“I’ve always wanted to send one, but the prices are insane! Fuck them business students and their capitalist ways.”

“Screw sending a hug to someone else! I wanna order a hug for me. Kim Seokjin is a hot piece of ass.”

(Yoongi swears the last comment had sounded eerily like Seokjin himself, but the older boy’s mouth hadn’t moved in the last minute.)

“Alright, Yoongi. Here’s the plan,” Seokjin leans closer to Yoongi, stage whispering into his ear. Everyone within a six-foot radius is eagerly eavesdropping, not even bothering to pretend that they aren’t. It’s common knowledge that Seokjin basks in their attention, anyway. Yoongi rolls his eyes, urging him to get it over with.

“Y/N is over there, right? Well, I have to send a hug to this guy named Mark Lee too, who just so happens to be over there,” Seokjin points behind them, in the opposite direction of where Y/N was heading, “so here’s my proposition. You go over to Y/N and deliver the hug for me, while I go catch up to Mark so that we can kill one bird with two stones!”

“Excuse me?” Yoongi wheezes, pushing Seokjin away from him. His eyes bug out. “Are you insane? I am not doing that. And the phrase is ‘killing two birds with one stone,’ you fucking idiot.”

“Same shit, Shakespeare! Who cares about numbers!” Seokjin exclaims, exasperated. “Listen, would you rather you hug Mark and I hug Y/N?”

“I would much rather prefer that I stick my whole fist up your anus,” Yoongi seethes.

“Interesting proposition, but maybe for a later time,” Seokjin says, not missing a beat. “Listen, dude. The longer we prolong this little bitchfest you have going on, the farther away Y/N is gonna get. You know I will stop at nothing to deliver her hug anyway, so would you rather you miss your chance right now when I am so magnanimously offering you a shot at getting closer to your crush?”

Even though Yoongi feels like his insides were slowly turning into mashed potatoes, he knows that he had already made a decision long before they left the house. Seokjin is right; this is a good opportunity for him, whether he is willing to admit it out loud. Perhaps it is just because it is Seokjin of all people who is egging him on that preprogrammed him into thinking that this was a bad idea. In all seriousness, it was just a hug, nothing fancy. It isn’t like Yoongi was going to have to kiss you––

(His heart contracts and Yoongi wonders if he’s having a stroke. The thought of your soft lips connecting with his is enough to cause the wind to knock out of his chest. God, Yoongi is so screwed.)

“Why must I always feel as though I am a snail and God is personally salting me,” Yoongi groans, stepping away from Seokjin and heading your way. Behind him, Seokjin hollers in what he assumes is friendly support, but it only further antagonizes Yoongi. The absolute buffoon waves enthusiastically from behind him, a beaming grin almost ready to split his face in two. Yoongi flips him off without looking back.

God fucking dammit. The closer that Yoongi is to approaching you, the stronger the urge to just evaporate like ice cream on hot concrete becomes. He can feel himself perspiring from every corner of his body and he just hopes that his black attire will do well to mask the slimy creature that he is underneath his clothing.

This is all Seokjin’s fault, Yoongi reminds himself. If he hadn’t started this stupid hugging service in the first place, then no one would have ordered a hug for you in the first place. Then Yoongi wouldn’t have to be in this stupid predicament either!

But you could’ve ordered a hug for her if you wanted to, says the annoying part of his brain – the same part that’s always been a little bit too hopeful for Yoongi’s liking. The whispers continue, And she wouldn’t even know it would be you! But more importantly…

“Seokjin wouldn’t know either,” Yoongi huffs irritably because he knows it’s true. The biggest thing stopping him from ever making a move on you, other than his debilitating fear of rejection and heartbreak, is the fact that he’d rather explode into spores than for Seokjin to find out that he’d used his “genius” business idea to get the girl of his dreams.

He’s afraid that one day, Seokjin would magically develop telepathic powers (a fear that Yoongi feels that the majority of the human population should also share) and find out that Yoongi doesn’t actually think his hug-o-gram service is dumb. It’s actually really cute, and Yoongi hates to admit that the success rate of his service is nearly perfect in terms of getting couples together.

But Yoongi is a strong (read: stubborn) man; he’d rather drop dead than allow Seokjin the satisfaction of seeing his business work out for his seemingly hopeless case. Which brings him to the present–

You’re standing by the entrance of the Sciences building. You are dressed nicely as always; Yoongi doesn’t think he’s ever seen you in anything remotely slobby, not even a pair of sweats like any regular uni student. You always look a little bit business proper: the epitome of someone who should be on the student council.

You’re speaking to someone, a younger male student by the looks of it. The hairs on Yoongi’s neck stand at attention and, God forbid, did he just fucking growl? Did he make that sound? By the looks of the students carefully navigating their way around him, Yoongi surmises that he did make that sound. Geez, is he some sort of animal? Is he going to turn into those feral stan accounts on Twitter that salivate over their K-pop boys like it’s their job? He hopes not.

But what if that’s the kid who sent the hug–

Yoongi shuts up his brain before he can let it finish. No, he can’t let himself go down that path. It’ll only cause him to self-combust right then and there, and he isn’t exactly keen on letting you see his entrails anytime soon. That would be the least cool thing to do, he decides. And so, with his brain turned off, he walks over to you, arms swinging robotically by his sides as he forces himself closer.

“Oh thank you so much, Y/N! You’ve been a real help to our club, you know?” The boy (Yoongi can’t believe they’re letting toddlers into university these days!) says, his eyes glittering with an ambition that still hasn’t been killed by the all-consuming dread that comes with university.

You laugh lightly, the sound causing butterflies to flutter excitedly in Yoongi’s chest. “No worries, Soobin. I’m glad I could be of help. If the editorial board needs any more help, don’t be shy to shoot me a message, alright?”

Soobin nods enthusiastically, his head bobbing up and down so quickly that Yoongi was afraid his neck would snap. “No worries, Y/N! Have a good rest of your week!” He waves a cheery goodbye, springing away with his numerous anime keychains on his backpack jingling softly in his wake.

“What a cute kid,” you sigh. You look incredibly fond, and Yoongi hates the bitter coil swimming in the pit of his stomach. That feeling soon fizzles out when you finally turn to face Yoongi. Your eyebrows shoot up, but your expression quickly morphs into one of pleasant surprise. Yoongi’s heart stops for just a moment, feet turning cold. “Yoongi! Oh my goodness, it’s been a hot minute since I’ve seen you! How’s it going?”

Let’s play a game, shall we? How many of Yoongi’s nervous ticks can you spot within the next five minutes? Think of this as the easiest game of Where’s Waldo ever!

“Hnng,” Yoongi stammers, his hand immediately going to scratch the back of his neck. His cheeks pinken, pupils shaking in every different direction as they try to focus on anything but you. It always feels like he’s standing way too close to the sun when he’s around you, hardly able to keep his gaze focused on you. He chooses to stare resolutely at your chin, but even your fucking chin was impossibly cute.

Seriously? Yoongi is a walking shitshow! His inner voice comes back, but this time it sounds uncannily like his roommate. Come on, buddy. Just say hi… You know, like a normal person. “H… Hey, Y/N.”

Success count: 1 point for the Yogurt Machine!

Even though Yoongi felt like he was living his worst nightmare, you still looked every bit like his favorite daydream. You are all smiles, seemingly unperturbed by Yoongi’s slow, embarrassing demise. “It’s so good to see you! Midterms haven’t been too hard on you, I hope?”

“I’ve been better,” he says. Better now that you’re here, he leaves unsaid. God, can you imagine if he said that out loud?

Your mouth drops open, soft cherry blossoms blooming across your cheeks. “Um, what did you say?” you squeak, embarrassed. But certainly not as embarrassed as the boy in front of you.

Yoongi stops breathing. He did not say that aloud, had he? Judging by the awkward silence stretching between the two of you, the signs are pointing to: yes. Ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygo–– “Er, what I mean to say is,” Yoongi stutters through his sentence, his entire body flushing fire engine red like it’s nobody’s business. He must look like Satan’s spanked ass right now. “I… I’m here to deliver a hug!”

Confusion quickly replaces the shock on your face. You tilt your head, brows scrunching up cutely. “A hug?” you ask.

“R-right,” Yoongi says, waving his arms around because he has nothing else better to do. He gestures vaguely in the opposite direction, where Seokjin had left to find his other clients. “I’m, uhh… Helping my roommate. Have you heard of Seokjin’s hug-o-gram service?”

“Oh, yeah!” You hop excitedly in place, looking to all the world like the cutest thing in the universe. Yoongi thinks you should be classified as a public hazard, what with how you’re somehow able to give him diabetes just from standing next to him. “I totally heard about that! I’ve always wanted to send a hug, but I’ve always been a little shy.”

That piques Yoongi’s interest immediately. You wanted to send a hug? But to who? He unconsciously clenches his jaw, and he can feel a vein pop up near his neck. He forces himself to smile, but he knows it probably looks more like a grimace. “Oh really? That’s… I didn’t know you had a crush on somebody.”

Yoongi is too busy wallowing in his own self-pity puddle that he misses the way you gaze shyly up at him through your eyelashes, your hands clasped behind your back. “Y-yea… I don’t really go around telling it to just anybody,” you shrug as nonchalantly as you can. You clear your throat. “So, are you here to deliver a hug or something?”

Nothing gets past you, huh? Yoongi swallows thickly as he twiddles his thumbs. He still can’t bear to look at you head-on, afraid that his emotions would be too obvious if he did. (Who is he kidding… He knows he’s fucking obvious, and yet you never seem to get the picture!) “Yea, I am. I’m here to deliver one to you, actually.”

He doesn’t get to see your reaction, but he does notice the way your entire body stiffens. His mind immediately starts to run a minute, trying to guess why you’d suddenly gone stock still.

Did you know who your secret admirer was already? Or perhaps, were you just thoroughly shocked to receive one at all? That can’t be it… You’re the campus sweetheart! Surely it’s much weirder that it has taken eons for you to get your first hug… Or perhaps, are you so disgusted by the thought of him delivering the hug? Oh my god, what if you didn’t want him to hug you? Shit, this entire thing is a terrible idea! How did Seokjin ever convince him to do this stupid shit and get his heartbroken in the process? He swears he’s going to shove ten firecrackers up his ass the next time he sees him––

“Um, Yoongi?” You’re staring worriedly at him, your hand semi-raised as if you were about to wave in front of him. Did you say something? He must look like a fucking prick to you! He shakes his head, trying desperately to get his mind back into his body. Why must he be cursed with inner monologue disease? What is he, some sort of shoujo manga male protagonist?

“Sorry about that. I’ve been a little spacey these days,” he laughs, but even he can hear the panic laced in his voice. He sounds just on the edge of being hysterical. “Ahaha… What were you saying?”

“I was just… shocked?” You giggle softly, making Yoongi cry internally. You smirk, mischief glittering in your eyes. “I just never imagined you’d be the type to… I don’t know…”

“Willingly hug people for the sake of capitalism? I feel you,” Yoongi snorts, forgetting for a moment who he’s talking to. “Believe me, I’d rather drop dead than allow Seokjin to use me for his stupid business venture.”

“Then why are you delivering a hug to me now?” you ask, still smiling.

“Hnng,” Yoongi’s tongue feels like it’s grown two sizes all of a sudden. He wheezes, choking on his own spit as he’s caught off guard by your question. “W-well, I––”

“Just being a good friend, I’m guessing?” You’re full-on giggling now, barely trying to hide your mirth behind your hands. Yoongi understands now; you’re teasing him. He hates how amused you are by his awkwardness, but he loves the way your entire expression lights up, like you’re enjoying yourself by being with him.

“Let’s go with that,” Yoongi mumbles, scratching the back of his neck in embarrassment. He has his head bowed, hoping that his unruly fringe can finally come in handy and hide the disastrous blush encompassing his face. “Right… I’ll just, umm…”

“Am I getting my hug today, or am I gonna have to take a rain check?” You laugh, slapping his shoulder in an attempt to help him shake off the awkward tension. It has the opposite intended effect, as Yoongi’s breath hitches imperceptibly at your proximity. You had taken a step closer, and Yoongi could smell the sweet perfume you always seemed to be wearing. Please don’t pop a boner right now. That would be super fucking creepy.

“You’re…” Yoongi hesitates, arms uselessly immobile by his sides. He doesn’t know if he can even get them to move at this point, as he has lost all motor skills the moment you had focused all your attention on him. It’s a miracle that his heart remembers to beat every so often. “I’m just… I’m just gonna go for it, okay?”

You nod, hands tucked neatly behind your back. “No need to be scared, Yoongi. I don’t bite,” you joke.

God, if you only knew about the dreams I’ve had of you. Yoongi hopes to all the deities from up above that he had not said that aloud, but you don’t seem to be disgusted, so he can only assume that his traitorous brain had disconnected with his mouth for the time being.

He shuffles closer to you, the warmth of your body closing in as he makes the grueling effort to lift his arms up to gently wrap themselves around you, but before he can even fully hug you––

You’re quick to reciprocate. With a small laugh, you wrap your own arms around his torso, nuzzling into his chest with more force than Yoongi was expecting. He lets out a soft wheeze, mouth dropping open when he is assaulted by the smell of your fruity shampoo. His hands hover awkwardly above you, still unsure of where it’s okay to touch you without weirding you out.

You tilt your face up, eyes crinkling cutely by the sheer force of your grin. Both of your faces are only centimeters away from each other, and Yoongi could probably count your eyelashes if he so desired. His breathing stills as he becomes positively mesmerized by the beautiful sight in front of him. He doesn’t even hear the sound of phone camera shutters around him, as he is much too deeply focused on nothing but you, you, you.

“Hey, don’t half-ass your hug! Gimme a good ol’ bear hug!” you whine, nudging his elbows gently to get them to move. Snapped out of his reverie, Yoongi mechanically does as you say, his head completely empty of thoughts. He wraps his arms tightly around your shoulders, his wrist knocking slightly against the back of your head until you’re back to snuggling deep into his chest.

“Your laundry detergent smells nice,” you say, slightly muffled by his shirt. Yoongi lets out a breathy laugh, mostly out of disbelief more than anything. He can’t even begin to process anything right now; he feels like he’s reverted back into a single-celled organism.

“Thanks?” Yoongi squeaks, but you don’t seem to mind his awkward attempts at being a Normal Person™️. You crane your neck upwards so that you’re looking him directly in the eye. There’s a twinkle of mischief there, like you’re enjoying Yoongi’s flushed face a little too much. He honestly feels like he’s seconds away from exploding into tiny bite-sized pieces, and he fears that if you snuggle deeper into his chest, he might just do exactly that.

“So… Are we just supposed to hug for another ten minutes, or am I allowed to let go?”

Yoongi doesn’t even realize how long it’s been. You could’ve been hugging him for ten hours and he wouldn’t have known. Yoongi jerks away from you, nearly vaulting himself across campus by how quickly he lets you go. Thankfully, you don’t appear offended––you were more amused than anything. Yoongi has no idea how red he is right now; he feels like he could be blowing steam out of his ears, astounding anatomists everywhere by his peculiar talent.

“I just have to–” Yoongi pats his back pockets for his phone, clumsily pulling it out and looking for his text messages, “–read this message from your, um, secret admirer and then we’ll be good to go.”

“Great.” You nod at him enthusiastically. “Whenever you’re ready, Yoonie.”

Yoongi’s breath hitches right then, caught off guard by the nickname. Only you ever called him that, and it never fails to make Yoongi’s insides feel like molten lava every time you say it. “I… Yeah, here goes,” Yoongi mutters, trying his best to remember how to speak.

He recites the message with as much enthusiasm as he can manage, which is to say, not very much. He could probably read the phonebook with more zeal, but it’s hard to give it his all when the words feel like acid in his throat. He’s unconsciously clenching his jaw as he speaks, looking like a constipated gorilla. “...so, if you’re single and ready to #mingle, then––” Yoongi stops mid-sentence, staring resolutely at his phone screen with a grimace.

You blink confusedly. “Then?”

“Then nothing,” Yoongi finishes, pocketing his phone without an inch of remorse. “I don’t know what was up with that message, but somehow the letter got cut short. Sorry about that.”

“Huh, strange.” You shrug your shoulders, not bothering to question him.

Yoongi fist bumps himself mentally, though other people might disagree and say that he doesn’t deserve any type of congratulations, to which Yoongi says a big “fuck you!” to those imaginary haters. In the wise words of Kim Seokjin himself, “not everyone is worthy to receive your fucks, so it’s time to stop giving them.” (Kim, 2020)

“Well, that was fun! Thanks for delivering the hug to me, Yoonie,” you pinch Yoongi’s cheek, giggling when they turn even redder. “I’ll see you around, I guess? Don’t let those midterms kill ya!” You wave cheerily at him, walking past him and heading towards the bus stops. Yoongi stands frozen in place, the events of the last few minutes finally catching up to him and frying his brain beyond repair.

Oh my god, he fucking hugged you! Like, a good and genuine hug! You felt so warm and so soft and you smelled really good and it was more than he could ever imagine and just––

Yoongi’s brain is trying (and failing) to desperately parse the delayed barrage of information as it comes, but it’s hard for the little hamster running circles in his head when it has never had to run a day in its life. Yoongi’s body feels like it’s overheating even though the weather is nearing the start of winter, but that’s all thanks to you and the devastating effect you have on him.

In short, Yoongi machine has broken, and any sort of maintenance is going to be hard to come by at the moment.

Yoongi could have been standing in front of the Science building for an entire year and he wouldn’t have budged until a tornado in the form of Kim Seokjin arrived to knock him out of his brain dead state. Whistling lowly, the elder stops in front of the rigid mass of meat, an eyebrow quirked in exasperation. “Dude, nice rigor mortis cosplay. Like, yes girl, give us nothing!” he exclaims, slapping Yoongi back to consciousness.

Yoongi blinks rapidly, dazed like he’s woken up from a dream. “What? What’s happening?” he replies dumbly.

Seokjin rolls his eyes. “Yoongi. Did you finish delivering Y/N’s hug or what? I finished all my deliveries in the same time you had with Y/N, so I better hope to God you aren’t planning on applying to be an employee of mine, because you certainly have a long way to go before––”

“I hugged her,” Yoongi interrupts, eyes going glassy once more. His mouth is agape, and Seokjin can see a pool of saliva forming, ready to runneth over. He could see the rusted gears turning inside his dongsaeng’s head. “Oh my god, hyung. I fucking hugged her.”

“Yeah, and I hugged Taehyung Kim and felt his gigantic dick press into my stomach. You aren’t special,” Seokjin snorts, clasping Yoongi by the bicep. He drags him away, leading them to their parked car. “C’mon, Dampé. I’m tired and I wanna eat popcorn again.”

As they walk back to the parking lot, the campus roads are a lot less populated now that most students have gone home. Yoongi only then realizes how late it truly is and he vaguely wonders how long he had been stuck standing there before Seokjin had come to drag him back home. The sun has begun its daily descent, filling the courtyard with a warm glow and causing their shadows to grow longer as they trudge quietly to their car.

The campus is quiet enough that both of them hear the quiet buzz of Seokjin’s phone, despite him putting it on silent mode before he had gone on his hugging deliveries. He stops mid-step, causing Yoongi to bump his nose into his wide back. He yelps, shoving Seokjin forward in irritation.

“Why’d you fucking stop, you asshole?” Yoongi whines, his normal annoying personality resurfacing now that he’s begun to recover from your hug. He peers over Seokjin’s behemoth shoulders, squinting at his phone screen. “What? Another hug delivery?”

“Yeah. I’ll do it tomorrow since I think she’s gone home for the day,” Seokjin says, his tone sounding slightly too delighted for comfort. “In fact, I know she’s gone home already.”

Yoongi stills, changing his focus onto the elder’s expression. He looks… too eager to receive a simple hug-o-gram request. A shiver shoots through Yoongi’s spine when he realizes how nefariously bastardous Seokjin’s smile has grown, the tips of his smirk curling upwards like a villain from a classic Disney animation.

“What?” Yoongi glares acidly at Seokjin, but the elder is unaffected. In fact, he seems to grow more pleased the more aggravated Yoongi becomes. “Spit it out! What’s got your prostate tickled?”

“Oh, nothing,” Seokjin singsongs, shoving his phone down the front of his pants, exactly where he knows Yoongi would never touch. “Just got an interesting new regular customer, is all.”

“A new regular?” Yoongi’s pitch heightens, the hairs on the back of his neck bristling in alarm (like a cat.) “Is it… Another request for… You know who?”

“I wasn’t aware Voldemort went to our university,” Seokjin teases, thoroughly enjoying Yoongi’s distress. “Though, if you’re talking about Y/N, then the answer is not not not no.”

“Two double negatives.” Anyone could hear the audible soft rattling of his two brain cells exerting themselves as Yoongi deciphers his answer. “That means…”

Yoongi stares pointedly at Seokjin’s crotch, where the outline of his phone is glaringly obvious. “Show me,” Yoongi growls, not making a move to actually touch Seokjin’s nether regions.

Seokjin shrugs his shoulders. “No one’s stopping you from taking my phone though?”

“Hyung!”

“Buy me bubble tea first, then we’ll talk.”

“Fine,” Yoongi acquiesces, folding his arms in annoyance. “Just tell me. Is it really the same guy who requested the hug for Y/N today as well?”

Seokjin fiddles around for his phone, digging deeper when it nearly drops down the leg of his pants. When he pulls it out and swipes to his e-mails, he confirms Yoongi’s fear. “Yep. And it seems like he saw you deliver the hug today. Says that he’d prefer that I deliver the hug next time,” Seokjin smirks, enjoying the deep-set frown on Yoongi’s face.

When Seokjin takes a closer look at the order, however, he notices something a little off. “Hold on a sec,” he scrolls to the receipt, scowling when he sees the incorrect amount. “Well, you might be in luck, Yoongi-chi. Looks like loverboy sent the wrong payment. He’s a few dollars short.”

“What?” Yoongi says, for what feels like the tenth time in this entire fic. He grabs Seokjin’s phone, no longer repulsed by where it had been only a few minutes prior. Like Seokjin said, the customer had given the wrong amount, much to both their confusion.

“That’s weird, considering he just ordered a hug today,” Seokjin murmurs, shaking his head. “Oh well. Happens to the best of us. Guess I’ll just have to refund the poor sap.”

“Wait,” Yoongi presses the phone to his chest, preventing Seokjin from taking it. His hyung raises a brow.

“What is it?”

“What if I just… pay you the remaining amount? Then I can also deliver the hug to her and, uhh...” Yoongi mumbles the remaining part, but Seokjin has trained his ears to catch every whisper and mutter for moments just like this. He wouldn’t be where he is today if he didn’t perfect his eavesdropping skills to a spy’s degree. That’s right––Seokjin is a sloppy and nosey bitch and he’s not afraid to admit it!

“Oh? Do my ears deceive me?” Seokjin guffaws, pinching Yoongi’s cheeks for good measure. He hisses in response, but Seokjin isn’t afraid of some little kitten. Seokjin is a bigger bitch with a meaner bite. “Is my little Yoongi Woongi seriously offering to deliver another hug to Miss Y/N? How magnanimous of you.”

Yoongi stares at him, stunned for a moment. A few seconds pass before he shakes his head, faux disdain coloring his expression. “That’s right,” Yoongi huffs, detaching himself from Seokjin’s meaty claws. He keeps his gaze averted, like the big stupid tsundere that he is. “I’m doing this out of the goodness of my heart! I care about your profits, and I want to make your workload a little lighter! Isn’t that what you want?”

“Sure, let’s go with that,” Seokjin snickers, poking Yoongi in the tit. He swivels away, skipping merrily away to their parked car. “I’m expecting that cash in my Paypal by the time I get to the car, or else the deal is off. Make it snappy, loverboy!”

Yoongi had never transferred cash to someone so quickly in his life.

(Yes, not even when the food court on campus was doing a BOGO promo for churros. That’s the extent of how whipped his ass is, period.)

x x x x x

“Like, even worse than when we DIY’d your car into a convertible by sawing the top off?” Seokjin asks, genuinely curious.

“Worse,” Yoongi admits, trying his best to stay out of your line of sight. His cheeks redden, matching the gaudy pink kitten ears he was forced into wearing.

“Listen, I’m seriously not forcing you to do this,” Seokjin starts, even though he’s giving his utmost effort to further embarrass Yoongi by handing out flyers about Hug-o-gram’s newest employee. “Please, take one!” he cajoles, offering a flyer to a gaggle of giggling freshmen. “Make sure to reserve a hug within the week! Yoongi-chi over here is on his way to becoming employee of the month if he gets ten requests by Friday!” They all point and whisper at Yoongi, and he swears he hears one of them wolf whistle in admiration.

“That’s what makes this entire thing terrible. I’m doing this on my own volition, and I absolutely abhor myself for it,” Yoongi moans, grabbing Seokjin’s stack of flyers and smacking himself in the head with them. It probably would’ve hurt more when Seokjin still had a full-stack, but people had swarmed them the moment they entered the heart of the campus, everyone curious to see Yoongi in his interesting attire.

Seokjin might have been famous for creating the Hug-o-gram Service, but Yoongi was famous for hating the business idea, so it’s easy to understand why everyone was interested. (For good reason, he thinks darkly to himself.)

“Damn, Yoongi-chi. Looks like you’re trending on the campus Reddit page,” Seokjin laughs, wheezing even harder when Yoongi points him with a murderous glare. “What? Like you said, this was all your idea.”

“Yeah, but I didn’t ask to wear… whatever this is!” Yoongi whines, tugging on the string around his neck. The cardboard sign had been ready and prepared the moment they arrived home the other day, arousing Yoongi’s suspicions on Seokjin’s actual involvement in his current predicament. Those suspicions are put in the backburner for now, however, as Yoongi actually feels like he might die of embarrassment instead of the packets of MSG coursing through his veins from the ten ramen packs he ate this morning. Maybe both will kill him, if he’s lucky.

“Well, I would love to lend you my uniform, but I haven’t gotten a t-shirt printed with your face on it yet, so you’ll have to deal with the kitten ears and cardboard sign for now,” Seokjin says, patting him on the back. “Or, would you rather I have you wear a shirt with my face on it? I’m open to suggestions.”

“I’d rather swallow a Tide pod, thanks,” Yoongi says through gritted teeth. “C’mon, let’s move. We’ve been standing in the middle of campus like street clowns for long enough. We need to find Y/N because her class is about to end.”

“Street clowns, huh? I guess you are only missing the make-up to complete the look, especially since you seem adamant to keep honking your way through that sickening crush of yours.” Seokjin nearly catches a punch to the head, but his superior reaction time saves him from Yoongi’s sorely lacking physicality. He snatches Yoongi by the hand, dragging them towards your lecture hall. “C’mon, clown! Let’s honk this bread!”

As the two of them get closer to where you are, Yoongi’s heartbeat begins to accelerate. He wonders idly if he should see a doctor after all this, hoping that he hadn’t actually contracted heart disease due to all this stress. Lord forbid that he meet his end before he even gets to ask you out or something!

Even though he’s already hugged you once (and it was, by far, the most euphoric experience of his sad, miserable life), he still finds himself getting clammy hands at the thought of seeing you again. Nevermind the fact that he looked like a walking circus with his get-up… No, Yoongi refuses to think about it anymore, lest his last remaining brain wrinkle irreversibly smoothens.

The campus clock rings loudly, signaling the end of another block of classes. Students rush out of the buildings, with you being one of the first ones out for a change. When Yoongi spots your head of hair among the crowd, he doesn’t immediately notice what you’re wearing at first. In fact, it’s Seokjin who stops in his tracks for a moment, surprised by how you look.

“Woah, Y/N! Looking good,” Seokjin greets, rushing past Yoongi to envelop you in a hug. (A platonic hug, Yoongi reminds himself. Because unlike Yoongi, Seokjin is a normal human being who can give hugs to anyone he wants because he’s… fucking Seokjin! Lucky bastard that he is.)

“Woah!” You laugh, surprised by the sudden hug. You pat him on the back giddily, allowing him to swing you around a little. “What’s this all about? Am I getting a hug-o-gram again?”

“Yes, you are. But not from me,” Seokjin detaches himself from you, scooting away to point at Yoongi. When Seokjin moves away, Yoongi finally understands why his hyung had said you looked good. No, that was an understatement––you looked [redacted].

(For the sake of the author’s fragile ash-coated heart, she has chosen to redact Yoongi’s exact words to protect herself from slamming her head against a keyboard from how cheesy this fic is becoming. Let’s just say the word starts with a B and ends with an L. Make of that as you will.)

You must have come out of an interview or presentation of sorts because you were dressed more nicely than you usually do, which is a pretty big deal considering how put together you always looked. Your hair is styled nicely, obviously given much more care and effort than your regular appearance. You’re wearing a cute little black dress, long enough to be professional but short enough to give Yoongi breathing problems.

If Yoongi’s brain had a playlist, it would be nothing but the sound of him going HNNNNNNNNNG on repeat.

“Oh geez.” Yoongi curses lowly, smiling through the pain. This is fine, he thinks, even though it is clearly not fine. Yoongi has always been a terrible liar.

“Yoongi?” You sound incredulous, though that’s honestly a win in Yoongi’s book considering everything. You didn’t look disgusted, so that’s great. “You look…” You stop yourself, covering your mouth to hide your grin but your amusement is palpable. At least he made you laugh, he supposes.

“Like a fucking idiot? You said it,” Yoongi snorts, arms crossed defiantly. He’s trying to look intimidating, but with his cheeks puffed up and these abominable kitten ears on his head, he looks more like a grumpy cat throwing a tantrum. He juts a thumb at Seokjin, “Thank this himbo for the outfit. I definitely would have chosen something more… inconspicuous.”

“But where’s the fun in that?” You quip, still trying to mask your giggles. On the other hand, Seokjin was wheezing like a hyena, his phone pulled out and presumably filming Yoongi to add to his cringe compilation.

“Exactly what I said!” Seokjin says through his laughter, tears of mirth streaming down his face. He walks back to Yoongi, pushing him forward until he’s face to face with you. “Go on, then! We haven’t got all day!”

“I’m assuming you’re officially part of Seokjin’s hug-o-gram business now?” you ask, opening your arms wide to accept his hug. Like the beta male that he is, Yoongi has to be the one to follow in your footsteps, meekly coming closer to wrap you in an embrace.

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves,” Yoongi mutters, tucking his chin onto your shoulder. He feels you vibrate with laughter, bringing a small smile on his own face. He likes making you laugh, always has.

With the cardboard sign serving as a barrier between the two of you, he isn’t as fearful of you feeling the erratic beat of his heart, though it wouldn’t be hard to guess if you looked at him. He closes his eyes, allowing himself to enjoy your hug rather than just panic through the entire ordeal like yesterday.

Soon enough, you’re detaching yourself from him, still standing close. Your arm is just a hair’s breadth away, and if not for Seokjin enthusiastically videotaping this entire experience, Yoongi might have closed in for another hug if he could manage.

“It’s always nice to get a hug from someone you like, huh?” You say, cheeks tinted a rosy color. The true meaning of your words flies over Yoongi’s head, as his feeble mind chooses to focus on your comment a little differently.

“I––Of course I like you! We’re friends, aren’t we?” Yoongi laughs nervously, unaware that he’s slowly digging himself into a ditch. To the side, Seokjin audibly slaps a hand to his face, body shivering with secondhand embarrassment from being blasted by the full force of how idiotic his friend actually is.

Yoongi sees you deflate a little, further confusing him. “Yeah, you’re right I guess…” You sigh, taking a step backward dejectedly. Yoongi flounders a little, unsure how he managed to fuck up in just a few seconds when you had just hugged him like your life depended on it.

Choosing now to interfere before the going gets rough, Seokjin steps in between and slings an arm around both of you. Yoongi groans under the weight of his arm, glaring when he notices that Seokjin had done it on purpose, but only to him. You don’t look too bothered by his rude gesture, albeit you were more befuddled than before.

“Hey, Y/N! I don’t know if you’ve ever ordered a hug-o-gram before, but I’m doing a special this week! Now that Yoongi-chi has so kindly joined the team,” Seokjin gives him a pointed look, to which the black-haired music major sticks his tongue out petulantly, “we’re doing a little promotion for first-time customers! Would you be interested in ordering one?”

Your eyes widen, looking like a deer caught in headlights. “M-me? Ordering a hug-o-gram? Well, I…” you hesitate, sending a small glance at Yoongi before looking away in embarrassment. “I would like to, but I don’t know if it’ll be well received, you see…”

Seokjin grumbles, silently cursing the stupid shithead who caused his own demise in the first place. The worst part is that he had no idea that he totally just friendzoned you! YOU! Someone who was literally leagues ahead of him. He sincerely has no idea what you see in this bumbling idiot, but everyone with a brain knows that you have been crushing on him for as long as he’s been crushing on you, so perhaps you’re a little bit of an idiot yourself for liking him back.

Being friends with the two of you makes him feel like he’s constantly wearing a sloppy wet diaper, and he hates it. He wants to wipe his ass as soon as possible!

Seokjin shoves Yoongi away roughly, ignoring his indignant squawks as he pulls you aside. He takes you by the hand, taking you a few steps away from Yoongi, far enough that he can whisper into your ear without the other boy hearing.

Yoongi fumes from the sidelines, trying to keep his emotions in check even though he’s bursting at the seams with jealousy. Not for the first time, Yoongi irritably realizes that he does act like a cat, especially in moments like this. He might make fun of Seokjin for being an attention whore, but Yoongi is the same, if only at a smaller scale. He just wants you to look at him, as selfish as that sounds.

Can someone give him a break? He’s been holding in his crush for four years now… Imagine having to take a massive shit after drinking two gallons of milk while being lactose intolerant, except every time you line up for the washroom, the line gets increasingly long no matter how long you wait. That is the extent of his suffering, he tells himself. So please, excuse his dramatics for this one instance.

(Seokjin’s Note: This fucking jackass is SO stupid. If he only knew how easy it is to ask you out, he would know that his emotional constipation could be solved if he just fucking ASKED where the next washroom is. He could have relieved himself ages ago, but NO! And he calls me the idiot! Me! The utter betrayal! I’m never agreeing to become the second lead to a rom-com ever again!)

When Seokjin finishes whispering in your ears, you appear amused by what he had said. Yoongi sweats when you turn to face him, grinning slyly at him. “Is that so…” you wonder aloud. Yoongi feels like the world has shifted on its axis somewhat, though he still doesn’t know exactly how. He has a hunch that he’s going to find out soon enough.

“Would I ever lie to you?” Seokjin laughs that annoying laugh of his, slapping his thigh in the process. He straightens up almost immediately, his expression turning deadpan in an instant. “Send me the details by tonight, and I’ll make sure to deliver it, okay?”

“Promise?” You ask, holding a pinky up towards him. Yoongi might have let out a high pitched sob when he sees the gesture, wanting nothing more than to cup your hands in his. God, if he already nearly died from hugging you, who is to say Yoongi won’t immediately disintegrate if you were ever to hold his hand?

“Promise,” Seokjin replies, linking his pinky with yours. He doesn’t forget to point a shit-eating grin at Yoongi, for good measure.

You pull away, looking happier than you did moments prior. You were absolutely glowing, filling Yoongi with a warmth that only you ever knew how to provide. He wants to make you smile like that all the time, wants nothing more than for you to live beside him, filling his walls with the sound of your tinkling laughter. You wave cheerily at the both of them, stepping away to head home. “I guess I’ll see you, then? I’ll make sure to e-mail you my request, Seokjin!” you say, winking teasingly. “Bye to you too, Yoongi! Thanks for the hug!”

Yoongi watches as you walk further and further away as the usual melancholy that follows whenever you leave soon takes its place in his soul. It might be his imagination, but Yoongi thinks the cat ears on his head might have started to droop to match his mood.

The only way he knows how to replace the sadness, however, is by redirecting those emotions on an unsuspecting victim. Lucky for him, a willing volunteer is already within punching distance.

“Ow! Stop punching me, you gremlin!” Seokjin whines, blocking Yoongi’s series of punches like a pro. He might as well put ‘professional punching bag’ on his resume at this point. “I’m trying to help you, you useless beta male!”

“How is this helping! You made me wear cat ears and whispered blasphemies into Y/N’s ears! Now she’s going to order a hug-o-gram for her crush and it’ll be the end of my chances with her! How could you!”

“I was not whispering blasphemies, you twittering tit! I was giving her advice,” Seokjin sniffs, annoyed. “Don’t say I never help you, by the way. I’ve been trying to help you for years now.”

Yoongi hits him with a steely glare. “Really? So replacing all my clothes in my closet with clown attire is your version of help? I had to wear those stupid clown shoes for a week before you told me where you hid my clothes, jackass!”

“I was only trying to help you physically express yourself! You’re already a clown on paper, might as well help you achieve your final form!” Seokjin huffs, infuriatingly haughty. “Listen, believe me. I only told Y/N something that everyone already knows anyway, so just shut your trap and let Daddy handle the rest. You’re not going to lose her, I promise.”

“Please never refer to yourself as Daddy ever again,” Yoongi seethes, stalking off towards their car. “Don’t ever talk to me again.”

“No talk, Yoobie angy…” Seokjin snickers to himself, following Yoongi with a spring in his step. This bastard is going to grovel at his feet by tomorrow evening, he’s sure of it. If he doesn’t, then Seokjin will bite his own dick in half––that’s how sure he is of his plan! (Not that biting his dick in half will do anything to his length; he’d still be left with eight inches, let’s be real.) All in good time.

x x x x x

Seokjin gets an e-mail the next morning, much earlier than any sane person would choose to be awake at. He groans lowly, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes as he tries to read the contents of the letter. When he’s satisfied by what he has read, he forwards the e-mail to Yoongi before allowing sleep to take him once more.

Sleep evades him, however, when the sound of Yoongi’s big feet pounds noisily outside his bedroom. He hits his knee loudly against the coffee table, causing their beloved popcorn machine to tumble to the floor, but that is of little consequence to Yoongi right now. No, he needs to get into Seokjin’s room right now and scream––

“WHAT THE FUCK?” Yoongi hollers, slamming Seokjin’s door open. The hinges creak, desperately hanging on despite the impact. Yoongi proceeds to slam a fist upon Seokjin’s ass, who barely flinches due to the fatness of his ass cushioning most of the damage. He blinks blearily at Yoongi, but the smirk on his face is clear as day.

“Came to claim your hug so early in the morning? Well, I usually don’t entertain clients until after I’ve taken a shower, but for you… I’ll make an exception,” he yawns, peeling back his blanket and patting the empty spot on his bed. “Come on in, Yoobie Boobie… Let’s hug like it’s the last day on earth.”

Seokjin fails to realize that once he removed his blanket, he had inadvertently left himself vulnerable. Yoongi slams the heel of his foot against Seokjin’s groin, causing him to shriek bloody murder at 7 AM. He wonders, amidst his pain, whether this might be the last straw and that their landlord will finally kick them out after years of their stupid shenanigans.

“WHAT DID THAT E-MAIL MEAN? IF IT’S WHAT I THINK IT IS…” Yoongi threatens, but it’s as empty as Seokjin’s butthole. They both know the implications of that e-mail, even a toddler can put two and two together and make sense out of it. Anonymous e-mail or not, Seokjin wouldn’t just forward any hug-o-gram request to Yoongi, unless…

What did the e-mail say? It goes something like:

Dear Mr. Kim,

Thank you for offering your special promotion for new time customers of your Hug-o-gram Service! I’ve always been a quiet fan of your business idea, but I’ve always been a little shy to submit a request of my own. Thank you so much for giving me the little push that I needed to send my first (and hopefully last) hug.

I’d like to send a hug to Mr. Min Yoongi from the Music Department. I understand that he has recently been appointed an employee at your business, but seeing as how it’d be difficult for him to hug himself (while not entirely impossible), I’d like to request that you be the one to send the hug to him.

I don’t really have a message for him, per se… I’m still a little shy, even though you already told me that there is no reason to be. I want to believe what you said was true, so I’m pushing my fear aside and putting my fate into your hands. So, to Mr. Min Yoongi… “When I told you it was nice to hug someone you like, I don’t think you understood what I meant. A hug, after all, is a two-way street. They’re often served the best when it is reciprocated, if you catch my drift. :)”

Peace! :3

Regards,

[Redacted] [Redacted]

“Have your brain synapses finished connecting? Because if even this flies over your head, I’m sorry to say buddy but… You might have smooth brain syndrome,” Seokjin pipes up. He observes Yoongi’s brow crumpling, the first signal of his impending mental breakdown. If Seokjin remembers correctly, the next signal should be when––

Yoongi drops down to his knees, his phone clattering to the floor as he stares absently at the ceiling. Seokjin cringes, worried for the state of his friend’s frail kneecaps. The poor sap has bad heart health already; surely, it isn’t too early to get him a life alert button?

Seokjin scooches over his bed, dangling half his body over the edge to appraise his friend. “So. What do you plan to do now?”

For a moment, Yoongi remains silent. Eventually, he shuffles closer to him, perching his hands around Seokjin. The business student raises a brow, confused, until Yoongi pushes Seokjin back onto the middle of the bed so that he can cram himself beside Seokjin on his small double bed. He huffs amusedly, allowing the smaller boy to snuggle into his chest, though he still refuses to wrap his arms around him. Close enough, Seokjin snorts.

“I need your help, hyung.” Yoongi’s voice is small, shy. It’s so uncharacteristic of him that Seokjin immediately softens. They might act like toddlers together the majority of the time, but Seokjin truly does care about Yoongi more than anything. During early mornings like this, when the sun’s soft rays are filtering through his sheer curtains and filling the room with a gentle warmth, it’s nice to cuddle up with one another and enjoy the silence. In fact, Seokjin would never admit it to Yoongi, but he got the idea for his Hug-o-gram service from Yoongi himself, back when the younger boy would be more prone to sneaking into his bed during his bouts of loneliness and homesickness.

Above all else, Yoongi is just a boy with a lot of love to give, so who is Seokjin to say no to his pleas for help?

“You know I always got your back, Yoongi-chi. Whenever you’re ready, we can do whatever you want. Ask and you’ll receive,” he replies, caressing his soft black tresses. Yoongi hums, smiling softly into his chest.

“Thanks, dude. For being… you know.”

Seokjin’s heart pangs a little, but he ignores it. Instead, he continues combing through his hair, humming gently. “I know.”

x x x x x

It’s been a few days since you sent the e-mail to Seokjin and you haven’t heard back from him. You aren’t sure if he sends confirmation e-mails to his clients as you’d never asked for a hug-o-gram before, nor did you know anyone who has. You are forced to continue on with your days like normal, trying to ignore the unsettling anxiety from creeping up your throat and spewing all over the sidewalk.

If Seokjin hadn’t been lying to you, then there shouldn’t be anything to worry about. You’ve been harboring this crush on Yoongi for years now, and you never thought in your life that it would ever be reciprocated. He always seemed a little bit detached, a little too cool for you. Never mind the fact that he always seemed so jittery around you, like it was hard to talk to you or something!

Your answer comes on the last day of the week, after an especially rough day at class. Your back is bent, having finished a grueling four hour lab period where you did nothing but stand and stare at your reaction vessel spinning without any signal of change. You are just a little bit hangry from all the stress piling up on your plate, especially since you hadn’t eaten a decent meal since breakfast at 8 AM.

In short, life isn’t going as smoothly as you’d hoped for your senior year, but you can’t let the blues get to you too soon. After all, there are leftover chicken wings in your fridge with your name on it, and nothing beats your meat more than greasy poultry to end a terrible week.

You’re only inches away from sliding your keycard to open your shared dorm room when the door opens without prompting. You flinch backward, yelping loudly when your roommate Park Jimin grins slyly from the doorway––never a good sign, if you knew anything.

“Fancy seeing you here,” Jimin says, leaning casually against the door like he hadn’t just scared the living shit out of you. He takes one glance at your disheveled hair and lightly sweaty clothes before grimacing in disgust. “Girl, I can’t let you meet the love your life while you’re looking like that. Come on, we have a few minutes before he arrives. Let’s get you freshened up.”

“I’m sorry?” You squeak, allowing your roommate to manhandle you into your own home. He pushes you into your room, depositing you roughly onto your unmade bed. You try to make eye contact with him, but he’s too busy raiding your closet to pay you much attention. “Excuse me? What did you say just now?”

“No time, princess! Your Prince Charming is on the way, and I’ve been ordered by Seokjin to prepare you for this life-changing moment, so get your ass into gear and change into this!” He shoves a clean pair of jeans and a nicer-looking blouse at you before proceeding to grab your hairbrush and comb your tresses with the gentleness of a mother tigress. You shriek when the brush gets tangled in an especially stubborn knot, but Jimin is relentless. He nearly tears your hair by the roots, ignoring your pained whines.

“Will you fucking stop! I have literally no idea why you’re acting like a psycho all of a sudden–” You shout when Jimin begins to undress you, having to kick him in the chest to get him away from completely eradicating your remaining traces of dignity. “Okay, fine! I’ll dress myself! Just get out of my room and fucking stay away!”

Jimin looks at you dubiously for a split second, before eventually acquiescing. “You have two minutes to get changed. You wouldn’t want to keep him waiting, do you?” he says, smirking knowingly. He better dread the day that you finally wipe that annoying twinkle in his eye; it’s been a long time coming.

Left alone to your own devices, you do as Jimin says even though you’re still wildly confused by everything. To think you had been so excited to feast on your chicken wings, and instead, you went through a decade’s worth of torture within the last few minutes. Patting your hands on the butt of your jeans, you meekly take a step out of your bedroom, where Jimin is already tapping his foot impatiently by the door.

He motions for you to hurry up. “Let’s go! Seokjin says they’re rounding up the corner. Hold on,” he steps closer to you, raising your arm up to take a shameless sniff of your pits. “Sorry, had to make a pit stop. You can never be too sure,” he shrugs, disregarding your squawks of indignation.

“I smell fine! Now what are we–” Your sentence is cut short as Jimin all but carries you to the elevator, your shrieks of terror causing one or two of your neighbors to peek their heads out of their doors. When they see it’s just the two of you, they simply shrug their shoulders, returning to their lives like it was normal to see Jimin carry you in a fireman’s hold.

He doesn’t put you down until you reach the lobby of your dorm complex, barely out of breath despite having held you the entire way down. Stupid buff baby, you groan internally to yourself, straightening down your clothes in a desperate attempt to look decent. “Okay, we’re here. Who am I supposed to be meeting?”

In lieu of an answer, Jimin points wordlessly outside your building. A black car is parked on the other side of the road, and you can barely see a familiar head of hair poking out from the driver’s seat. “Seokjin? What the…” you trail off, before your eyes finally land on their target.

Yoongi stands outside the glass doorway, not dressed in his usual all-black attire. He’s wearing an outrageously cute pink shirt today, matching the color of his natural flush. He always looks effortlessly good, with his hair a little windswept in that boyishly cute way. Your mouth goes a little dry when you realize he’s wearing his famous leather jacket, the one that always got the girls and boys swooning when he walked past in them. You hated how whipped for him you were, not wanting to be like the weird kids in his secret fan club, but who can blame you? He’s just so…

You rip open the door, nearly tripping and falling over the short steps leading to the entrance. You grind to a halt in front of him and you’re acutely aware of how rabid you must look. Your chest is pounding, like your heart is begging you to step closer, just like when you had hugged him all those days ago. God, you were going to kill Park Jimin for this.

“Yoongi? What are you…” You take one look at him before your gaze drops to his hands folded carefully behind his back. It doesn’t hide the fact that there is an obvious bouquet of flowers behind him, though. Your face lights on fire when you notice they were your favorite flowers too.

“I’m here to deliver a hug?” Yoongi says it like he’s unsure of himself, but there’s a little coyness laced in his tone. His cheeks are painted a soft pink, and not for the first time, they remind you of freshly baked bread pulled out from the oven. Soft enough to kiss, you wonder idly to yourself.

“I mean… I did order a hug a few days ago, but I do recall not ordering one for myself?” you laugh a little hysterically, your breath cutting short when Yoongi grins softly in response. “I… Who is this hug from?”

Yoongi takes a glance back towards Seokjin. “Hey, boss. Am I allowed to reveal who the secret admirers are, or will that get me fired?”

Seokjin, despite being a few meters away, laughs loud enough for the whole street to hear. “Well, Yoongi-chi. Something tells me your resignation letter was coming in the mail eventually. Who cares about the rules at this point?”

“He’s right,” you quip, pulling Yoongi’s attention back. You’re smiling wide now, your hopes and dreams skyrocketing in your chest and blooming a garden in your heart. “Who cares, right?”

“Right,” Yoongi agrees, taking the last two steps he needs to get closer to you. He drops the bouquet somewhere behind you before finally, finally, embracing you once more. He kisses you gently on the forehead, the contact short and sweet.

You feel like you’re dying, but it’s all good because Yoongi looks just as embarrassed as you. But none of it matters, not when both your happiness is palpable in the air.

“Y/N…”

“Yes?”

“This hug-o-gram is from me to you. Will you go out with me?”

You’ve always been a firm believer that actions speak louder than words. So when you lean in to plant your first kiss of many many more, he knows your answer well enough.

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sullys-nose-hair · 2 years

Text

Toby woby x Rosey toesy part one🥺🤞 @nonotthebasement a little short and unfunny but who cares

Reaching their small, tan colored hands they gripped the rough time of the roof, some of them causing the material of the tiles to cut through some of the layers of their skin, blood pouring out of the wounds staining some of the roof with the crimson substance.

Lifting their small 2 ft legs their booty cheeks slapped together, the skin on skin sound erupting throughout the quiet neighborhood causing the short haired person to cringe a bit and pause in their actions, listening if anyone came out of their houses or if any rapid animals came nipping at their small 1cm toes which would cause the to squeal like a pig and most likely wake the whole neighborhood, if their booty cheeks pounding against one another didn't already wake them up.

They already know that they is gonna be a milf when they grow up, they ain't gonna let their fat, juicy ass go to waste brushing to see PERFECT AND CUTE thoughts away bc their the most amazingest most toe curling mouth watering person to ever exist, who cares if they be fatherless and motherless at least they have a fat ass that makes gun shot sounds every time the move their SHORT AND PERFECT AND CUTE legs.

Lifting themselves up with muscle they have they twerked their way to their child hold friends ugly ass beas-i mean Tobias's room window and knocked on the window with their CUTE AND ABSOLUTELY PERFECT tan hands, the movement going to their ass and making it do that skin against skin sound that they be hearing all day long. It gets tiring being a thick ass bitch sometimes, especially when they only be 4'7🥺🤞

Opening the window Tobitch cutely pulled his CUTE AND PERFECT 4'7 friend making them fall cutely on his bed, making that familiar gun shot sounds coming out of their ass, Tobitch watching it jiggle like the beast he is.

Bringing his ugly, boney hand up he smacked their fat ass and bit is crusty lip when he saw how it jiggled, a small pile of crusty forming on his boney lap.

"OW YOU ASSHOLE WHY'D YOU DO THAT!? THIS WHY YOUR MAMA A BURNT CHICKEN NUGGET '' the 4'7 person with the fat ass yelled angrily with their breedable and submissive voice.

" S-s-sssss-sssssss-sorry my bebeh growl can't control myself when hat fat ass is basically in m-my face." Tobitch said darkly in his alpha voice.

"Bro really turned into a snake for a moment there." Rose said moving their SMALL CUTE AND PERFECT 4'7 body so that they were sitting up and looking at Tobitch with their usual submissive and breedable expression.

"Whateva" Tobitch rolled his eyes flipping his wrist and tucking some of his non existent hair over his ear, trying to look cool but miserably failing bc he's a stupid idiot.

Jumping off his bed they cutely listened to their ass cheeks slap together, hearing the familiar gun shot sound while they could feel Tobiches stare on their ass, probably watching it jiggle again. Such a weirdo🙄

Turning around their big tits flopped together as they stared at him with big eyes, their 4'7 frame looking smaller as they wrapped their 1inch hands around their arms. Hitting their lip sexually.

"Why the fuck is it so cold in here? Did the cold empty space that your brain should be in finally spreading to your house?" They aid in their sot high uwu voice that discord mods love so much🥺

Sometimes they forgot that they were even doing the voice, spending so much time getting money from discord mods. They did other things for the mods but we'll get into that another time.

"Ugh, how rude is that? Anyway, my dick was just hot so I had to cook it down" rolling his eyes like the 'bad' bitch he is, his sassy tone made Roe want to bitch slap his face. But there's no point in doing that, it's not like the crusty, musty bitch could feel pain anyway.

"Mhm, ok crusty toes" cutely making their leaves outta his bedroom door that was just so tall compared to their 4'7 frame, they paid no mind to the sound of their ass making the gunshot noise.

Ain't no way they are showing up to this crusty, musty, dusty, sweaty, Walmart shoes, fatherless, sister less and ugly masks house without getting some food in their stomach that's inside of their smol 4'7 body.

The fatherless fucker better be having some toe curling chips or sum.

#creepypasta #creepypasta meme #homicidal liu #jeff the killer #creepypasta x reader #creepypasta thirst #eyeless jack #im a simp #laughing jack #obsesión #ticci toby

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