TW for discussion of rape and sexual abuse

can't believe i'm getting involved in fucking hazbin hotel drama of all things but this is making me so fucking angry. this is what someone has said about the song 'poison' where angel dust explains his unhealthy relationship with his abuser and oh my god. when people (rightfully or otherwise) hate a show this badly their media literacy and critical thinking skills go out the fucking window. who fucking says this? why are you speaking on behalf of everyone who has gone through the same things as angel? why are you the fucking spokesperson for us? why are you so special? can you not hear the way you're talking? how arrogant and entitled and fucking out of touch you sound? i don't talk about this anywhere but i have been through EVERYTHING angel has been through. i have experienced heavy drug addiction and rape and sexual abuse. you don't fucking speak for me. it sounds so insanely cringe but angel is one of the first characters i have seen react to his situation EXACTLY as i did. i DID sexualise and romanticise my circumstances. i DID lean into the lifestyle. but the whole point of angel's character, a point which angel himself explicitly states in this same episode, is that he KNOWS this is all an act. he's using sex as a form of self harm and weaponising his sexuality in order to help himself dissociate from his life and his own body because he's deeply miserable. the person who made this tweet does say one thing in their thread that is correct: angel IS acting like he's having a fun time and he IS acting like he wants this. if you think this is sexualising and romanticising his abuse, then congratulations, you fell for his act just like everyone around me did when i went through the same thing. you wanted him to be anxious and quiet and trembling and crying in the corner, cowering before his abuser and refusing to talk about it. do abuse victims have to react to their abuse the way YOU see fit, otherwise they aren't valid? did you watch the scene directly before this song, where angel's abuser hits him and throws him across the room in a scene designed to make the viewer viscerally uncomfortable and just as scared of angel's abuser as he is? did you watch the scene that follows, when angel breaks down and explains that he's deliberately indulging in this lifestyle in order to damage his body to the point where his abuser will no longer see value in it and leave him alone? i would bet all my money that you didn't, because half the people criticising this haven't even watched the show but think they're qualified to make entire threads deliberately misinterpreting it purely because they're already decided they hate hazbin. and look. you can hate hazbin. in fact i completely understand why someone would, for a number of reasons. there's a mountain of things i dislike about it too. but to talk about a topic this sensitive and heavy when you haven't even fully watched the source material you're criticising? you're not only making yourself look like a misinformed entitled prick, but you're speaking over and judging every single person who DOES relate to angel's story, because yes, believe it or not, other people are allowed to experience things differently to you. and whether you're willing to get off your moral high horse and deem them worthy of value and representation or not, you cannot change that. if you want to criticise this show pick one of the million valid points of contention, rather than acting like you're smarter than everyone else and get to speak on behalf of an entire group of people

the vast majority of the reason why i’ve abstained from getting a professional diagnosis is practical-- i already have a therapist (she just doesn’t like to diagnose, it’s not part of her practice but within her qualifications). it would fuck up my insurance in the long-term and complicate other systemic processes. i don’t need medication nor do i need accommodations so having a diagnosis wouldn’t really help me. it opens the floor to traumatic experiences, will likely cost a lot of money, and would again be trapped on my record for years upon years. 

but jesus christ, i wish i had half the confidence that other people can have with self-diagnosis. because even if i have my therapist basically stating that she thinks bpd explains several of my symptoms, and having said that the best way to explain my experiences to other people is by using bpd as a reference, i still cannot wholly convince myself that this is the issue. and i have researched for years and years so it isn’t that, i just. i need someone to look me in the eyes and tell me but if i get that, i get the rest of this too.

Whenever I talk about the medical neglect and ableism I've encountered as a victim of the healthcare system, there's always some cockwaffle who feels entitled to come into my inbox and make the argument of "not all doctors" while talking about how "people like them" (because it's always someone in a field of medicine who does this) are doing their best and it's really hard because so many people fake being ill to get on welfare (Yikes), but like, yeah, obviously #not all doctors, because if all doctors were negligent, bullying scum bags, I'd be dead.

But here's the thing: while I truly believe that the majority of doctors are doing their best in a system stacked against them and their patients, their presence does not negate the mass harm caused by the bad ones. And there are far more bad ones than you realize.

Fuck, John Oliver literally did a segment on this last week:

Yes, the truly bad, malicious doctors are in the minority. Most are just horrifically burned out and fighting a losing battle against a system, killing both them and their patients through a lack of funding and resources and profound overwork.

But the malicious ones do exist, and they will go out of their way to harm patients who don't kowtow to them.

I almost lost my life because when I was in my early twenties, I told a doctor I didn't think she was listening to me, and I disagreed with her assessment of my mental health (she was not a mental health doctor, and I was there for heart palpitations and chronic pain). She retaliated by putting "non-compliant" in my file.

There was also a fun little "doesn't show respect" note too that lives rent-free in my head because I know I wasn't rude. I was polite. I just didn't agree with her, and my refusal to accept her off-handed comment that "you probably have bipolar or BPD" (again, I was there for heart palpitations and chronic pain) meant I was "refusing care."

I wasn't. I just refused to be slapped with a mood/personality disorder when I was there because I kept fucking fainting when I stood up.

(Spoiler alert: it was dysautonomia)

That "non-compliant" marker followed me around for years. It followed me across an ocean and effectively ensured that any doctor I saw was going to treat me like absolute dogshit because no one wants to help Difficult Patients. It wasn't until I was so undeniably ill, literally on the brink of death, that anyone helped me.

I'm alive because of a good doctor. And all the good ones that came after him because of him.

So, I know they exist. You don't have to tell me that.

But I really fucking need you to acknowledge the bad ones and that you're part of a system with a long, long history of abusing minorities and vulnerable people. I need you to acknowledge that because it's the only way we're going to survive this godforsaken nightmare and make things better.

So yeah, #notalldoctors, but if you feel the need to say that because someone talking about being literally left to die by the medical system hurts your feelings, I'm going to have to ask you to take a step back and ask yourself if you're going into medicine for the right reasons.

Namely: do you want to help people, even the "difficult" ones?

Even the ones who might disagree with you?

Even if they're on welfare?

Even if they'll never get "better" in a way that means "cured"?

Just a thought. But hey, what do I know. I'm just someone who experienced hemolytic anemia because doctors kept telling me I was anxious and needed to exercise more 🤷‍♀️.

I see this alot in fanon and I think jason Todd's parents are completely misunderstood.

Disclaimer: I am not a victim of parents with drug abuse nor have a I ever done drugs. I sympathize and emphasize with people who struggle with drug abuse as there are many reasons to get into it and it's very hard on your body to get clean, I will link help organizations below. This does mean that I can be a little ignorant to the struggles so if I say anything offensive or wrong, please call me out and educate me so I don't make the same mistake

Jason's family has been retconned so many times, it's hard to keep it straight. But this is my headcannon based on what I've seen:

1. I feel like a lot of people write Willis Todd to be this awful abusive scumbag who hated his kid and his wife. If you are talking about young justice or arkhamverse, this canonically true, but I think that's far from the truth in the main universe, prime or whatever it's called. In batman 411, jason is clearly distraught by Willis' death and does try to avenge him by lashing out at Two face. We also can't forget about the incident with the penguin that led to the worst Bruce and jason characterization before gotham war. And that's because of one rhato issue where jason finally reads willis' letters (a truly heartbreaking issue: rhato rebirth 23)

I believe that Willis wasn't a bad dad. Not a good dad, but not an awful abusive one. I 100% believe he has never abused his family in this universe. And you know what, he wasn't a great person. He was a drug dealer and then a henchmen. But he CARED. He cared about his family. He tried so hard to provide for Catherine and Jason for their medical bills, food, shelter. He just had a poor upbringing and some real shit luck, trying to survive in poverty in Gotham city.

2. Catherine has been written in fanon to be a perfect caring mother who was nothing but a victim. I believe that she wasn't as good of a mother and a person as people make her out to be. And we haven't seen everything, but I believe this because she seems selfish. She seems to put herself and her drug addiction before her family, doesn't seem to even try to get clean or take care of jason or provide. Look at these panels:

She neglected Jason. He had to go out and put his life on the line day after day when it should've been the other way around. Jason was a kid. And don't get me wrong, she probably loved jason and had good intentions, no, she definitely loved him, or else jason wouldn't canonically think as highly of her and take care of her the way he did, but she wasn't perfect and I don't think she was as good of a mother as she's made out to be.

3. Canonically, jason seems to really care for Catherine, but not Willis. I have a theory about that. For why he thinks so highly of catherine: I've never had a parent who suffered from drug abuse, but I do have a parent who suffered from a lot of mental health issues like depression, diagnosed, and I feel like bpd, though it was never diagnosed. When things were bad, they were BAD. I witnessed a lot. But when things were good, things were REALLY GOOD. I feel like when Catherine would come off the drug haze, things were like that. She probably took care of him during those times and was loving and all that. Catherine is the one parent figure Jason has to hold onto (because of all the shit with Bruce, Sheila, etc.). He forcibly removes the bad shit she's done and hangs onto the good things she's done because she really did care about him and in life, it seems harder to hate your mom than your dad (from what i have heard when i did research on this from friends). I've done that for years, and idk if I'm explaining it right, but I think that's the best way I can. For why he doesn't love willis: I think up until he read the notes, he didn't have the full picture. From his perspective, willis leaves to do crime and then eventually gets caught and left forever. I think he blamed willis for making jason become "the man of the house" and have all this extra responsibility. Willis also strikes me as the type of parent who has trouble expressing feelings, so jason probably rarely, if ever, heard "I love you" from his dad. Willis also strikes me as the person who would believe that he needs to make his son stronger in order to survive, and there are a lot of parents like that, especially parents from a low income household or a history of poverty.

In conclusion, both parents were FAR from perfect parents, but they're not as evil or as innocent as people write them in fanon. They're just...people. fanon likes to write comic people as black or white, innocent or abusive, but in reality, It's a gray area. Willis had his flaws, I hc him as one of those old fashioned kind of dads who wants his son to be tough and strong and isn't good with sharing his feelings, but does truly care about his family and NEVER was abusive. Catherine was a mother who definitely cared about her family, but wasn't an innocent victim and had her own flaws.

Anyway, thank you for coming to my Ted talk

okay so i am. so confused! are you a system/plural after all?

you made a post on your twitter about being the "original host" which is. a plural term of course but ALSO i'd like to say that the idea of there being an "original" is veeery misleading and not actually possible in DID/OSDD

the reason DID/OSDD exists at all is because a child's identity was unable to fully form in their developmental years, so the identity splits off and fractures into several parts necessary to keep the child safe. because of this, there can be no "original host" because there was never an identity formed that could be considered the "core," in a way, at all. it gives off the idea that there was one set identity that split off others later on in life, which isnt how DID/OSDD works in terms of alter formation

also, the disorder can only be developed in your early formative years, so its mostly unheard of for a system to go through life with a single part only to split off later on. your brain splits off alters in response to stressors or traumatic experiences, and so when the disorder is formed there would have to have been a fracture from the beginning where your identity wasnt able to come together to form a single one. multiple alters can be "original," in a sense, but there is not one sole original

i suppose that other alters could have simply been integrated and so they arent a part of your system anymore (leaving you as the "original host"), but thats probably not my place to explore and its all a bit too complicated for a tumblr ask

there are parts that have been around longer than all the other parts and there are parts that identify with/as the body or the head of the system, buuuut i just wanted to share that tidbit of information because misinformation can be very harmful when it comes to healthy plurality!!

in any case, dont let this cause you to spiral into more self-doubt because — surprise! DID/OSDD is supposed to be hard to understand or identify within yourself. its a trauma disorder formed to make you as functional as possible, so generally the disorder tries very hard to hide your other parts from you as to protect you from those traumas. being confused is a major part of plurality, and most long-term hosts do have the misconception of being "original" because there was no reason to think otherwise.

its also fully possible that you have been the host for the majority (or entirety) of your life, so dont get me wrong! im just trying to share that the idea of an "original" alter isnt possible.

regardless of whether or not you're plural, i wish you the best in exploring yourself and the way that your brain functions. you're doing great, truly!

and if i misinterpreted anything, im deeply sorry for that too. i'm just a stranger on the internet trying to provide input using the information i was given, and i genuinely dont mean any offense by this ask. DID/OSDD is also something i'm very interested in and passionate about as an autistic individual, so... im very sorry for the essay

THIS IS SO HELPFUL U HAVE NO IDEA. I KNOW NEXT 2 NOTHING ABT PLURALITY AND SYSTEMS. dont apologize 4 the rambling, its much appreciated!!! i get the same way abt bpd and autism so i get it!!! psychology and mental disorders r one of my special interests so im the same way!!! ^_^

i guess my post moreso came from the concern that i only have vry vry spotty, fuzzy, sometimes FAKE memories of my childhood, if any at all (id say i remember less than 1% of it, and most of what i "remember" is only becuz of photo evidence or testimony from other ppl) and my identity only rlly formed when i joined the internet at maybe 12 yrs old. so i sometimes have doubts that i formed when the body was born, but rather that i was created and that im a product of the internet inparticular, but that might also be a delusion??? its confusing, whenever i get ideas abt my identity they turn out 2 be fake sometimes. its hard 2 pinpoint what i am. so i was trying 2 say that i dont think ive been here since the birth of the body and that i spawned later on. idk if im explaining myself correctly, its hard 4 me 2 understand. but i appreciate u correcting me and explaining it 2 me in a way thats easy 4 me 2 digest!!! i dont want 2 spread misinfo evr.

i think im plural??? ive had liek 8 headmates (and a headspace at one point) that ive been able 2 identify, but nobodys rlly taken me srsly abt it until vry vry recently. ive always been told that im making it up 4 attention, or that im faking DID, and i was even told by a dumbass doctor that it was just my autism and that they were all imaginary. i nvr rlly claimed 2 be plural either, i always just got shot down whenevr i introduced the possibility of there being other sentient ppl in my brain. but i think that i am, probably. im not sticking 2 any labels atm becuz im confused and uneducated abt my headmates and im not diagnosed w anything, but i feel comfy with plural as a label becuz its a vague umbrella term. i nevr claimed 2 have DID becuz ive always known that my headmates cant front and take over my body (ive even asked one and she told me she couldnt LOL) ALTHOUGH. they MIGHT be able 2 front simultaneously as me, ive had edgy (whos currently dormant) finish art 4 me if i got tired, back in 2020 when he was still active. and i know alters fronting is a diagnostic requirement for DID (i think???) but i dunno. theres SOMETHING up w my brain.

i tried 2 post abt it on twitter actually, that i thought i was plural (a handful of ppl asked me so i wanted 2 confirm) but i deleted the post like an hour later becuz i wasnt getting any comments or likes and i was scared that i did something wrong and didnt know, or that im not actually plural and other plural ppl were mad at me 4 using their label. it made me so anxious >n<

i am such a yapper.. 4give me

Why I think Donnie 2012 has BPD too

.

.

BEFORE I START THIS . I'm aware donnie has OCD CANNONICALLY but the OCD and BPD comorbidity, although not studied often, occurs often. About 15–44% (NIH Joshi, Gagan).

1.Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment.

I feel like this is the most dominant criterion for BPD. Donnie displays this by formulating elaborate plans to prevent april from not hanging out with him and saving her father after he got mutated --which I am aware is mostly because he's a good person and wants to save another human being-- but also it's pretty obvious he thinks this will bring her back to him.

RSD ( rejection sensitive dysphoria) is also VERY prominent in people with bpd. This is shown in episode 10 Fungus Humungous. Not just the rejection of April but of people all together seeing that april in the first few seasons is represented more of a concept to him rather than somebody he actually loves.

2.A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.

I think it's safe to say the relationship april and donnie has is unstable. Mostly on donnie's end. He is shown to idealize her often but also has snapped on her once in the show when she didn't act/respond the way he wanted her to in season 1 episode 9. All of this is mostly in Donnie's head because the feelings aren't reciprocated, but the relationship for him at least is very intense and he has intense feelings about it.

3. Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days).

Donnie has A LOT of mood swings throughout the series. More than any of his other siblings and not saying a lot because of raph. It's mostly just anxiety and irritability that only lasts a few moments in the episode.

4. Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms.

I think Donnie displays paranoid ideation wich is characterized by persistent thoughts of distrust or suspicion. This is usually targeted at casey (the love rival) but sometimes it's inappropriate when casey and april are just standing next to one another.

5.Impulsive behavior in 2 areas that are potentially self-damaging.

Donnie is a teenage boy so this is a strech but I've seen him be impulsive with driving and making rash decisions in the heat of the moment. This is not to be confused with this compulses wich is diffrent from impulsive behavior.

6.Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.

This one was kind of hard and maybe also a bit of a stretch because I do feel like Donnie does have a sense of self but when it's challenged he has an identity crisis and it sends him spiraling. When he can't fix something right away the one thing he thinks he's really good

at he begins to doubt his self immediately. This often occurs with people with BPD because we might lach on to one aspect of ourselves to have some sense of identity but when it's disturbed we get very discouraged/ depressed.

Guys I have an idea.

What if I made Jeff The Killer like BoJack Horseman???

Guys don't leave please guysssssss it's so dark hereeeee

Okay now that I think about it, I'll ramble about this a bit.

Either I'm on to something or on something.

Also BH characters as creepypasta characters random BoJack Horseman dialogues as Jeff under the line and how other pastas would react.

And the only Jeff portrait I like is @jeffthekillerzblog 's Jeff because he's like a real life :3

THEIR FIRST TWO LETTER IS SAME THEY'RE THE SAME

...

GUYSSSSSSS TOBY AS TODD JUST IMAGINE

Lol just kidding but I think Toby and Todd would actually get along. Like they would just chill around and build random shit and talk about nonsense stuff. Their silly goofy traits are kinda similar so they would understand each other most of the time. Great minds think alike.

Okay okay let's talk about Jeff Horseman stuff before drifting away the topic.

First of, I think BoJack Horseman is not a character do defend. Yes, he tries to fix his mistakes but it was too late for him. He needed to change before all the shit happened. He needed to go to rehab or therapy before.

I'm not saying it's all his fault but just look at Diane. She had her own trauma and even though she was feeling bad most of the time, she wanted to get better. She worked for it in time instead of BoJack.

Yes, BoJack is a traumatized character but Todd was right about "You can't keep doing shitty thing and then feel bad about it!" because BoJack did this always.

Now back to Jeff. He has a similar trait with BoJack. I think Jeff has BPD most likely and he has serious anger issues. That's not a good mix as you can guess. It causes him to make mistakes and hurt people he actually gives a shit about and even though this makes him feel bad later, he won't do anything about it.

He wants to change, he wants to apologize from Jane and Nina and Liu. He wants to be a better person. He hates this life he build but he's been in this hell so long that he doesn't know a way out. He thinks it's too late for him and for treatment after all the people he killed and hurt.

Just like BoJack but in a different way.

BoJack hurts people close to him mentally and Jeff hurts people close to him both mentally and physically.

They both doesn't want to live their life and they would rather be like anyone else does.

They would hate each other if they met because they would see the other as a mirror. Or something like they could be in an another universe. And this would scare them as hell.

Jeff might be a surface character but I think that's because of his creator portrays him. I have like/hate relationship with him because of how badly he portrayed in almost every work.

He was not a pure evil monster, he was a 13 year old kid with untreated mental issues and body trauma. And no one was there to teach him this was not right since this motherfucker is very stubborn and he killed everyone who could.

Both of them doesn't want to die no matter how shitty their life can became. They want to live. They want to see the next day even though they would hate it. They think they deserve to live after all the things they had gone through.

They want to believe that they have a chance for redemption without caring about their past mistakes.

Also if Jeff would be an animal, he thinks he would be a wolf but he'd actually be a horse. That's like his spirit animal.

Take random BoJack dialogues as Jeff and other pastas' reactions to that.

...

Jeff: Rehab was supposed to be a fresh start. But no matter how many starts I get, there's always the same ending. Everything falls apart, and I end up alone.

Clockwork: Then get a new life man, this shit is not that hard.

Jeff: Shut up bitch! I'm having a moment here!

...

Jeff: Same thing that always happens. You didn't know me. Then you fell in love with me. And now you know me.

Nina: Eat shit and die asshole. You ruined my life.

Jeff: Fucking let me apologize whore!

Nina: Okay. I'm gonna kill this bastard. Don't hold me!

Kate: No one's holding you.

Nina: I said don't hold me!

...

Jeff: I'm the one who has suffered the most because of the actions of Jeffrey Woods.

Jane: What about Liu or Nina or even me?

Jeff: Nah, Liu's fine and he hates you.

Liu: No, I don't.

Jeff: He doesn't know what he's saying. And Nina loooves me.

Nina: No I don't!

Jeff: She's high on my awesomeness.

Jane: Shup the fuck up you dumbass.

...

Jeff: There's gonna be plenty of people around when I kill myself!

Masky: Not me.

Hoodie: Nah, I'll be there to celebrate.

Jeff: I hate all of you.

...

Jeff: Really makes you think, though, huh? Life, right? Goes by, stuff happens. Then you die.

Toby: W-who the hell are you?

Jeff: Yeah, you're right.

Toby: I am?

Jeff: Nah.

Toby: Of cour-se I am.

Who wants part 2 for incorrect quotes??

Ticci Toby + Personality Disorders and Mood Disorders

this is based off of @necroromantics post, i felt very inspired to share my thoughts on it, although it took me about 3-4 days to get done i had a lot of fun!

this is mainly about BPD and ASPD(one mention because i don't know a lot about ASPD as a whole) as far as personality disorders go, i know the most about those when it comes to personality disorders. out of mood disorders, to stay relevant to the original post it'll just be the two types of Bipolar disorder.

I chose these three disorders as my topic because they are the most common headcanon for his character(and my headcanons).

PSA:

SOME OF THIS INFORMATION COULD BE OUTDATED, i haven't researched Bipolar in 2-3 years so if anything is wrong i'd like to address the fact that i am NOT a professional! also some/most of this is personal experiences and researches i've done!

now that that's out of the way. let's start rambling!

What is bipolar disorder?

From someone whos lived with both parents struggling with BD (Bipolar Disorder) (my mom shows heavy signs of it, but is not diagnosed, my dad is) it is very much possible i could have it too, but both BPD and BD have a lot in common but are still very different (symptoms). They both have severe mood swings, They share some symptoms, such as depression and impulsive behavior. The main thing that separates them is that BPD is a Personality disorder and Bipolar is a Behavioral Mood Disorder. BD is characterized by periods of extreme highs and lows, known as manic and depressive episodes. BPD affects how individuals perceive and interact with the world around them.

They are very hard to differentiate in a patient and people usually get misdiagnosed, the symptoms are VERY similar which is why it isn’t common to diagnose minors. (it’s not impossible to be diagnosed with both as a minor.) (this is what my doctors have shared with me)

a little tangent- my dad was diagnosed with BD at a very young age (i’d say 12 or/to 16) and it was only diagnosed because he had several…”episodes” (he broke several laws and maybe/probably committed a few felonies.) i don’t know much about my dad’s past, but from what my grandpa and him have told me he’s been bailed out of jail/juvie a lot. He was not medicated because he didn’t like what the medications did to him, so that’s probably why he was so “EXTREME”.

His episodes lasted for a while sometimes 3-4 months or less, but my episodes (i have BPD) can last a few months as well(but around 2-3 months), because of clinical depression(major depressive episodes) which is a huge symptom of BPD, the longest episode i’ve had was maybe two and a half months and it happens a lot about once-twice a year, with no rhyme or reason. i'm looking into getting diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder because i have a lot of symptoms that concern me, but it's possible i was misdiagnosed with BPD(i doubt it because of the symptoms i experience) it is very much possible i could have both, which is why i need to figure it out, it's dangerous for me to not be medicated properly.

Does Toby canonically have bipolar?

If you don’t know enough about something (BD) you shouldn’t create a character with said things (BD) or at least do research before. In my opinion Toby has a personality disorder, although I cannot quite pinpoint which. If i could psycho-analyze (it’s been a while since i’ve taken a full blown look at the entirety of the character.) he most likely struggles with Bipolar but it was misdiagnosed with BPD he also shows some symptoms and traits of someone with ASPD. TECHNICALLY he has canonical BPD through his behavior, but the creator of his character "misdiagnosed" him and gave him Bipolar disorder, but it's totally okay to headcanon him with something else (or something more "fitting") or just projecting, all of it is fine to some extent.

Do you headcanon Toby to have bipolar?(or a personality disorder)

Yes, to put it simply he has potential to be a multi-faceted character, and I know a lot of people like to project onto creepypasta characters in general, as a coping skill. Toby is also “canonically” “Bipolar” i use both of those terms loosely. As someone with (possible) Bipolar and has lived around those with Bipolar I’d be open to writing his character with Bipolar, as an informed writer I would prefer people to at least do research on the subject before making assumptions on how the character would behave/think. Overall if the character’s experience is written well I wouldn't mind reading it. I do not condone misinformation, but i do condone learning about it for a passion project such as writing. As someone who hasn’t struggled with ASPD i don’t necessarily feel comfortable writing it but if i did a decent amount of research for the character and the disorder it could change my mind as long as i get outsider viewpoints.

How to properly write Toby with bipolar?

do not romanticize it not getting treated, as someone who struggles with a disorder not getting treated, it is definitely damaging to my mental and physical health. so writing for a character who isn't being treated for something is something i'm a bit iffy on- but if you do research and don't go overboard, it could end up being really good for awareness.

(i headcanon that he was originally on medication but he didn't take into account the fact that he needs his medications, so he basically fucked himself over and regrets it (subconsciously) after a manic episode of course)

there is an author(s) who does a really good job writing his character with Bipolar/BPD if you are interested in reading their work dm me!/inbox me!

maybe write about how his work relationships would be impacted, and how his friendships would be, his romantic relationships all of it, don't just focus on "ooo i'm mentally ill" it would not only affect him but it would also impact those around him by whether or not they know about his Bipolar disorder and if they know hes having an episode.

it would probably, a few times, get him caught by the law given the fact that people with bipolar are very indecisive and it would mostly be chalked up to him being like "this is wrong, i don't want to do this anymore" to "ARSON!!!" (bad analogy but you get it) his emotions and feelings on the matter of is job would fluctuate all the time, even while he's on the job. it leads him to be erratic and spontaneous. he isn't a very reliable partner, which is why he probably only goes on single missions.

i feel like if he were to be medicated it would be at the expense of Tim's medications since toby can't get his hands on other medications that are used for mood swings and such.

What do manic episodes look like? How would they effect Toby?

"Manic episodes are very intense highs in mood and energy. Despite what people say, real manic episodes are only experienced in people with bipolar disorder" @necroromantics

this is true, as someone with BPD, my "manic" episodes depend on someone that is my FP (favorite person) and when i am not having a "high" of energy i'm usually numb and my "manic" episodes are usually only an hour long or the amount of time that i am with my FP. BPD cannot get Manic.

although there are two branches of Bipolar, Bipolar 1 which is characterized as many manic episodes and less depressive episodes but Bipolar 2 is characterized as many major depressive episodes, that usually last a lot longer than the manic episodes. (this is worded as simply)

"A very real danger of manic episodes is that some people experience co-occurring psychosis alongside their episodes, such as delusions and hallucinations." @necroromantics

another thing Toby struggles with is hallucinations of his deceased sister Lyra.

"These highs can also lead to dangerous acts due to the recklessness and lack of proper judgement on whats safe/smart in that moment. There is also hypomania, which is a lesser, more mild form of mania." @necroromantics

you are mixing up both Bipolars... they are separated (from the studies i've done/researched)

Manic Episodes-

it would all depend on how exactly he feels/ the situation and how the writer decides to portray that. (if the writer is properly informed of course)

What do depressive episodes look like? How would they effect Toby?

 "They typically last longer than manic episodes, usually about 1+ months." @necroromantics

this depends on whether or not it's Bipolar 1 or Bipolar 2, this is the "definition" of a Bipolar 2 Depressive episode. bipolar 2 episodes can occur for longer than a month, that is correct. bipolar 1 has longer manic "highs" than bipolar 2, bipolar 2 barely gets manic "highs" and when they do it's not for very long. (from what my doctors have told me/what i've seen in my dad (he has bipolar 1))

as someone who has seen these symptoms and had them i can assure you they are not fun, especially dealing with them WITHOUT proper medications, although currently i am very "manic" and getting a lot of shit done, kinda like i'm on adderall rn lol.(that's the closest comparison i can make to how I AM feeling.)

"He would probably disappear for a bit, to be left alone, because he doesn't want to be around anybody. He would spend his time sleeping as much as he can, and then the rest of his time doing proxy work, and then going back to sleep." @necroromantics

i wouldn't say sleeping is all he's doing, when i have depressive episodes (which episodes are different for everyone) i tend to go off my diet, make a lot of other regrettable decisions(EX: relapse, forget important stuff, become more "lazy" etc.) that prolong my episode. but sleep can also be affected such as; getting too much sleep or struggling with sleeping (i.e waking up every hour to every few hours).

What are mixed episodes?

 "This can look like feeling super energetic, but also horribly hopeless and depressed, or being on top of the world one minute, and then wanting to off yourself the next. They are very intense, and dangerous. It feels like you're losing your mind, and you can't catch yourself." @necroromantics

i am going to add to this. not only will you be super energetic but you'll want to do so much but have no energy to do it, like lets say you had a great art idea, oc idea, and writing idea, but you would be too unmotivated to do any of it. sometimes you can't pinpoint what to feel/what you're feeling, and that's totally okay! confusing, annoying but still its completely okay.

I'm free to answer with my personal experience, and headcanons and prior knowledge of mental health about any creepypasta characters! DM me or inbox me!

the fact narcissists, antisocials, pwPDs are required to be in recovery and getting help to be treated with decent respect and still won't get that respect because people will see the disorder and instantly think abuser/not human/psychopath/sociopath in derogatory ways says a lot.

We are told to get help, but the ableism of (disorder) abuse prevents us from getting help. The demonization of us prevents us from even finding resourceful articles to help us. Many professionals won't treat personality disorders because of stigma. Yet we're told to get and help and are treated like we're the ones unwilling to get help. That it makes us less acceptable because we don't get help.

If we have to be perfect human beings in recovery and so mature and self aware and basically everything positive and nothing negative to be worthy of respect and still will have people bombard us for simply having a disorder, that is ableist. These expectations wouldn't be on neurotypical shitty people or those without personality disorders. And the group of those with BPD lumping themselves in with being "anti narcissist" do nothing. These same stereotypes were there for BPD. I've seen BPD called Bratty Princess Disorder, told that they can't love, been called an emotional leech for having BPD.

The requirement that we must all be perfectly recovered healthy people to be acceptable and not treated like dirt or like monsters is the ableism we are calling out. But then narc abuse folks will take their trauma and use it as an excuse for throwing us under the bus.

Guess what. My abusive mom has NPD. The NPD doesn't make her abusive. She simply is a narcissist (neutral usage.) She's not abusive cause she has NPD. It doesn't make her more likely to be abusive. Her NPD doesn't create a unique type of abuse. She's just my mom that's abusive that has NPD cause of her own trauma. That's it.

Like I have to monitor my tone, I have to ensure everything I do is written perfectly, just to avoid being hurled verbal abuse and being told I'm a liar or treated poorly. I have to work so hard to be the patient and calm one and still won't be taken seriously. And if we're using abuse as justification, using my own emotions against me is exactly what my abusers did. I am not lesser because I get upset. I am not lesser because I have emotional regulation problems. I am not lesser because I don't monitor my tone. A lot of these also intertwine with my autism and BPD too.

So yeah. Telling someone to go get help or they should be in therapy fucking sucks. You don't know us, you don't know our experiences. Telling narcissists and pwPDs in general to be in therapy while simultaneously making it difficult for us to get help is ableist. We can't look up npd without being bombarded with how to spot a narcissist. Using the narcissism tag shows a lot of narc abuse stuff that stigmatizes us. And when we explain and ask you, calmly or not, you will not listen and paint us as villainous. You fit your own definition of narcissism by that logic. Big scary narcissism.

Maybe if you want narcissists to get better, stop making it difficult for us to get help. And you may not want narcissists dead, but I have seen natc abuse people who do. Look who you are siding yourself with. Look at the arguments you use and really examine them. They are similar thinking to other forms of ableism and other types of bigotry. We are expected to act perfectly or we are discredited.

No disorder makes someone more likely to be abusive. An abuser having a disorder that may impact the abuse does not make it (disorder) abuse. This kind of ableism WILL come back at you and is STILL being used against all disorders even if it's only popular for certain disorders. You won't win this way.

We just want you to fucking listen without getting defensive and using your trauma as a reason to feel justified in being ableist. I'm sorry for what you went through, but it will NEVER give you the right to stigmatize a group of people and lump a disorder in with abusers.

The things I've seen narcissists called or compared to is disgusting. Seeing psychopath narcissist is disgusting. Actually just be normal about mentally ill people for fucking once. And if we're using trauma to justify stuff, WE ARE TRAUMA VICTIMS AND ABUSE VICTIMS TOO!!!!!!!

Literally just stfu and stop. I've made posts being nicer about it, but frankly it's 2:30 am and I don't give a shit. I'm mad. And me being mad does not discredit anything I have said. You can listen or you can block me and move on.

Again, this post is very centered on narcissists/npd, but this goes for any abuse that may get treated as abusive. Y'all are just as welcome here in this safe space. Any disorder that gets lumped in with abuse is welcome here cause fuck that ableism. You're not abusive for having a disorder. Your disorder doesn't make you more likely to be abusive. You don't deserve the shit you get. We love you here :)

I want to be clear

I have done a lot of therapy

I have worked really hard on myself and my issues and how I interact with others

I am, in some ways, the poster child of "managing" your mental health. Especially for someone who has BPD/CPTSD

But I am still fucking crazy as fuck

I am still going to freak out because my husband isn't home at the time I expected and he didn't immediately respond to my message asking for an ETA

Logically I know he's just gotten busy or his phone died or he just hasn't seen it yet

But I am fucking crazy so I also leap the belief that he is dead

And when he does call to say he's on the way I am going to sob down the phone about how scared I was that he didn't answer and wasn't home at time while apologising for being insane at him

I get paranoid

I get clingy

I freak the fuck out if my loved ones aren't where they are "supposed" to be

I blow up their phone (even though I am actively restraining from blowing it up even more)

I sob

I scream

I panic

I feel sick

It's fucking hell on earth in my head

Even though I know I am being unreasonable and disconnected from the reality of the situation. It doesn't matter because even if I control my reactions somewhat I am still very emotional dysregulated

Normally if I'm losing the plot I contact my husband or my best friend to help me regulate but they aren't always available when I'm really dysregulated like this so I have to manage on my own and try not to get completely hysterical

It's fucking tough

I have a lot of coping mechanisms and ways to calm down in the aftermath and I can usually communicate while I'm freaking out that I am being paranoid and catastrophising. I can tell my husband that I know he didn't do anything wrong by hanging out with his co-workers and losing track of time but I can't stop myself from sobbing as I say it. I am still even when I am managing as well as I can going to be visibly and upsettingly mentally ill

My symptoms and my issues don't make me manipulative or abusive

And years of therapy and learning to control myself and my responses hasn't erased my mental health problems

I am very mentally unwell and that's always going to be the case

I can "improve" but I'm always going to be very very visibly mentally ill and have issues. Including issues that cause problems for the people around me and that's ok

That's part of who I am

Its okay to accept that part of myself

It's okay to not hate myself for being that way

It's okay

Hey there! Can you do some Cole and Seth crushing headcanons pls? (If you don't want that's okay :])

I don't have the seth bundle so unfortunately I don't know a thing abt him and I don't wanna write your pookie wrong cuz I know how infuriating that can be but I'd be happy to write abt cole!! (I'm mentally ill)

falling for you hcs w some of my fav boyz (cole, reece, and cashew)

cole

he falls fast and he falls HARD. scraped his knee and everything.

he will do anything for you

like literally anything

your shoes untied? he ties em for you. oh you need a ride to work? say no more. you're hungry? let bro cook.

also he is mentally ill. I think he has bpd but I could be wrong

you are easily his favorite person. he is obsessed with you. he gets jealous and upset when you're not around him for too long because he worries you'll forget about him and the other person will steal you away.

he wants to devote his life to you and you only. nothing else matters. no one else matters (lol yandere sim reference)

anyways he's constantly trying to do things for you

helping you run errands, making sure you're eating and drinking enough water, getting you trinkets and doohickies he thinks you'll like, just overall being your number one supporter and your biggest fan

it's implied he has an actual shrine of the player in his closet somewhere in the game so. if you wanna interpret that as him being so fr go ahead

all in all, you are his everything and there's nothing he wouldn't do to make you happy and to hopefully get you to feel the same.

reece

mrrp meow mrrrp mrrp mrow

I love autism representation that doesn't involve harmful stereotypes

anyways. reece is a hopelessly romantic lovebug I think

he doesn't know how to flirt like at all so he just. meows at you and hopes you meow back

and he gets really excited when you do

he doesn't mean to, but he often shows affection by infodumping about his hyperfixations and special interests and then gets really embarrassed and apologizes a bunch later

please reassure his silly ass

also he forgets to drink water and do basic things for himself so if you remind him he's gonna fall head over heels all over again

also if you're neurodivergent he really loves hearing you talk abt your hyperfixations and special interests!!!!!! he loves it a lot!!!!!!!!

he tries to remember all of the little things but he forgets some stuff

but like if you mention that you think you wanna go to italy on a whim one (1, singular) time he's like "okay so we're going to italy" like a day later

also takes you to the renaissance era cuz it's pretty

and honestly I wouldn't be surprised if he confessed to you on the titanic

he unintentionally starts picking up stuff you say or do like if you have a stim where you say "yipee!!" like the autism creature he starts doing that

or like if you walk a certain way he starts walking like that without meaning to

long story short his main flirting tactic is being autistic and meowing at you

cashew

HES CANONICALLY DEMISEXUAL/DEMIROMANTIC ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

anyways so you're friends. you are friends

and one day you're in the library helping him pick out a book and your hand brushes against his while you're walking back to the car

except he brushes it off in his head cuz i mean come on. you're best friends.

and then like a day later he finds out the book you guys picked was an erotica or whatever it's called so he gets an absolutely jumpscare when the guy in the story pulls his dick out

like this was his exact reaction

BAHAHAHAH ANYWAYS

anyways in his head he's imagining one of the characters is you. like without even realizing it he's just like "oh yeah they've got h/c hair and e/c eyes and oh wait"

and when he realizes he's thinking of you he starts to panic like "WHAT THE FUCK IM IN LOVE WITH THEM. ok" and he comes to terms with it in like 15 minutes

but he starts doing a bunch more favors for you like carrying your stuff for you and offering you his coat

he is not subtle at all

like its so painfully obvious by the way he looks at you that he's head over heels

he doesn't know how to flirt honestly

it doesn't take long for him to just tell you how he feels

sorry this was so short lmfaoo thank you for the request!!!!! <33

Okay before I go into the ASPD thing, wanna do a quick summary of what I have so far:

Zeus/Jupiter: OCPD and Autism (based on being the god of law and order, and justice, as well as king of Olympus)

Poseidon: BPD and ASPD (based on the idea of a moody and volatile sea)

Neptune: SZPD and ASPD (based on the idea of an emotionless and uncaring sea)

Ares: IED and ASPD (self-explanatory)

Hades/Pluto and Thanatos/Mors: infertility, and, in rare cases, sterility (self-explanatory)

Hypnos/Somnus, Morpheus, and the Oneiroi/Somnia: Excessive daytime sleepiness, maladaptive daydreaming (self-explanatory, have also been thinking about STPD and DPDR)

Aphrodite/Venus and other similar deities: Hypersexuality, NPD, BPD and HPD (first one is self-explanatory, I'm still thinking about the other three and might do a separate post about them at some point, also considering Body Dysmorphia but I have to do some thinking on that one as well)

Hermes/Mercury: Kleptomania (self-explanatory)

Now! Onto the main point: propensity of Antisocial Personality Disorder in children of the sea and children of war.

First things first, please check out @neurosharky! He has a lot of good posts discussing his experience with ASPD, and I found them very helpful in framing understanding around the diagnostic criteria.

The DSM-5 describes, "Antisocial Personality Disorder is characterized by a pervasive pattern of disregard for consequences and for the rights of others." It can only be diagnosed in people 18 years and older, and patients must have evidence of a conduct disorder being present before 15. They must show three or more of the following symptoms:

Disregard of the law, typically indicates by repeatedly committing acts that are grounds for arrest

Being deceitful, indicated by lying repeatedly, using aliases, or conning other for personal gain or pleasure

Acting impulsively, or not planning ahead

Being easily provoked or aggressive, indicated by constantly getting into physical fights or assaulting others

Recklessly disregarding their safety or the safety of others

Consistently acting irresponsibly, indicated by quitting a job with no plans for another one or not paying bills

Not feeling remorse, indicated by indifference to or rationalization of hurting or mistreating others

(Side note: the diagnostic criteria is so... idk, something about the phrasing makes me laugh)

Personally, I don't think Percy has ASPD. From my interpretation of canon, I think he cares and thinks too much of people. Not to say that people with ASPD can't care or think of other people, but from a "disregards the rights of other people", I don't think Percy fits. He does rise to anger quickly, and doesn't think much of his own safety, imo, so there are traits there but that's likely more related to BPD.

Now - the ocean, Poseidon, Neptune, Amphitrite, other ocean gods out there, my beloveds, they can be angry uncaring beauties. As I've discussed before and mentioned above, in PJO canon, I interpret Poseidon as being representative of the moody, ever-changing sea, hence the BPD. He's clingy, demanding, quick to anger, volatile, emotional, dramatic.

In PJO, the Romans eschew the ocean, so Neptune, although we never see him in canon, comes across as the opposite. He's detached from society, doesn't care about the people who cross his waters, doesn't care if you live or die, little emotion, flat, bored - so SZPD.

Their destructive ways are different across these lines as well. Poseidon will drown you because you've pissed him off and Neptune will drown you because he doesn't care enough to save you, no matter how hard you pray.

How does ASPD play into this? Think about the commonalities in both representations of the ocean - it will kill you without thought. It is unapologetic. A moody ocean will hurt you, an uncaring ocean will hurt you. Another thing I've come across is that ASPD is a defense against being controlled. You can't control the ocean! It does what it wants, and fuck you for thinking you're in charge of the seas.

Additionally, in SZPD, while alexithymia is common, most people appear to feel anger much more strongly than other emotions. Which makes sense, imo, anger is a very strong emotion and easier, for me at least, to make sense of. In BPD and ASPD, being quick to anger is fairly common. BPD and ASPD share impulsivity as a symptom as well.

Low empathy and little to no emotion is also a shared trait in ASPD and SZPD, as well as a detachment from society. For SZPD, it typically appears as a detachment from emotional connection, relationships, and/or socialization. For ASPD, it's more of a detachment from social rules. People with SZPD are asocial, people with ASPD are... well, antisocial, lol. People often mistake the latter for the former, but asocial is a preference for solitude and antisocial is a disregard for the feelings and wellbeing of other people.

So that's the ocean. Some ideas of how the comorbidities may present:

Coral is a daughter of Neptune with extreme SZPD. She has little interest in societal rules, and little understanding of morality and ethics. However, she - as much as she can with her SZPD - cares for her mom, and thus does her best to follow the rules her mom has explained or laid out for her. She doesn't have much capacity for remorse or guilt, and will hurt people without much regard for them. However, she purposely avoids interacting with others and so rarely is the instigating cause.

Melpomene is a daughter of Neptune with more prominent ASPD traits and SZPD. She has less severe alexithymia, and is easily prone to anger. She doesn't start fights, but she doesn't back down from them. If you fuck with her, she'll fuck with you. She has a basic, albeit still small, sense of morality, but lacks a code of ethics and the motivation to adhere to it. She does not care about other people's safety and will abandon them to their doom. This overlaps with her SZPD because she finds emotional responses uncomfortable and stressful, so panic and distress in others turns her away. Her detachment from people leads her to lie and manipulate people, typically to make them go away (SZPD) or put them in harm's way for the fun of it , or as revenge due to seeing them as trying to control her (ASPD).

In a child of Poseidon with BPD traits, ASPD may present simultaneously with a fear of abandonment that causes them to react violently towards whatever or whoever they perceive is causing the abandonment. They may disregard that person's safety and rights in order to keep them close at hand (think kidnapping, or physical harm rendering them immobile and dependent). They can rationalize their actions away (I need you, you're not allowed leave me, etc etc). Splitting may provoke their anger issues. Intense emotional mood swings might cause them to instigate or pick fights, and impulsive behaviour can lead to breaking various laws and ignoring their own safety.

I don't think any personality disorder is mutually exclusive to one another. There might be some that are more uncommon to be comorbid with one another, but I've seen discussion that comorbidity between personality disorders (i.e. having more than one) is fairly common. And in doing research into various personality disorders, I've seen a lot of people say things like, "SZPD with OCPD traits" - situations where they don't meet the full qualification for the second personality disorder, those traits aren't intense enough to be considered considered/presumably, or the secondary traits appear to stem primarily from their initial personality disorder rather than being it's own thing. So there's that too.

So yeah, think of the ocean. The beautiful, uncontrollable, dangerous, salty ocean.

Now for Ares and his kids. I separate Ares from Mars because Mars is considered more disciplined than Ares, he was less of bloodlust god, more orderly and held in higher regard than his Greek counterpart, and I prefer to view him that way in PJO canon.

So IED (intermittent explosive disorder) and ASPD are fairly self-explanatory in regards to the god of war and bloodlust, a deity noted to personify brutality and savageness. But I'll detail some stuff anyway!

The first child of Ares we meet is Clarisse. And the first thing she does when we meet her is bully Percy. The second thing she, and other members of her cabin do, is try to injure him during the Capture the Flag game. Someone (Percy, I think, I don't have the book on hand) points out that they'll get trouble for hurting him and she just shrugs it off.

So that's: disregard of other people's safety, easily provoked, rationalizing away the mistreatment of others (he deserves it for humiliating her), acting impulsively and not planning ahead (did they think about what would happen if Percy were seriously injured as a new camper with minimal training? what if someone interrupted them before Percy blew up the river? what was the end goal to hurting him?), disregarding the camp rules

Now I think part of the reason ASPD is not diagnosed in people under 18 is because, like we see with Clarisse in canon, some people grow out of their behaviour. With her, and probably much of her cabin, their anger issues - which I believe is something they have a higher propensity for as well, and that they share it with their Roman half-siblings - causes them to bully and hurt others.

A lot of personality disorders develop from trauma, and we also know Clarisse was abused in some way by her dad (re: Sea of Monsters) so her reactions towards other people may stem from that. Before 18 their behaviour is typically diagnosed as a conduct disorder, to which I imagine treatment and intervention is attempted to hopefully avoid it continuing into ASPD by adulthood. According to some quick research, about 25% to 40% of children with a conduct disorder are typically diagnosed with ASPD in adulthood.

I think it would be really interesting if Clarisse didn't age out of her aggressive behaviour, and maintained ASPD traits into adulthood. I guess a neat concept would be Silena managing to sort of "soften" that side of her, and then, in BoTL, when she's caring for Chris, it's a moment of "I will be better for them". So she works hard to keep her traits at bay, because she wants to be a morally good person for these two people that she loves - even if she still is an amoral person.

It would be cool if she and Percy talked about it. I tend to view him as a fairly amoral person as well, ascribing to the moral view of the people he cares about (his mom, Grover, Annabeth). So maybe after a spar, she asks how it's so easy for him to be so stubborn about right or wrong and he's just, "Well, I love my mom and the idea of disappointing her fills me with a dread so intense I want to vomit and/or kill myself."

"Gods, that sounds like shit."

"Yeah, it's not the greatest."

"I can't imagine being afraid of disappointing someone. But... I guess I do like making Chris happy. He's got cute dimples, you know?"

"Focus on that. Would beating the shit out of some newbie punk make him happy? Would it show his dimples?"

"... probably not. Ugh. This shit is hard."

"But you can do it."

"Yeah, I fucking can. What, you think I'm a wimp? Can't tough out being a normal person for my boyfriend?"

"... Yes."

"I'm going to fucking kill you."

"Not if I kill you first."

So those are my thoughts on the propensity of developing ASPD or traits of ASPD in demigods. For Poseidon/Neptune, it represents the uncaring, angry, and remorseless nature of the ocean. For Ares, it represents the brutality and bloodthirstiness of war.

Again, if you have any thoughts on anything that you think the nature of certain gods may cause their kids to be predisposed to, feel free to hit me up with your thoughts! It's probably pretty obvious to the people who follow me (see my recent ramblings about the Roman trio and their dissociation and literally everything I've ever written about Jason being raised by wolves 😂), but I love analyzing shit like this!

Histrionic pd criteria/behviours and examples

The DSM is notoriously vague, and it's mainly because of this that so many people with hpd don't realize/know that they have it. Personally, I think the criteria desperately needs to be revised.

It is because of this that most people, in the course of figuring out if they have hpd, have to base a lot of their research off of other people with hpd, rather than use the dsm. In this post, I want to discuss the hpd criteria/bahviours associated with hpd as well as give examples of how they manifest in my own life/how they could potentially present. However, please keep in mind that I do not meet every listed criterion, and exhibit a mild/moderate presentation of hpd, as well as having npd and bpd! This is also based off of my own subjective experience, these symptoms may present differently in another person.

1. I get uncomfortable when I am not the center of attention.

I find that I do experience this criterion. Feeling uncomfortable/upset when not the center of attention can show up in a lot of ways. I also think that it is important to mention here that hpd can be more covert, and that the idea that it is always obvious is an outdated and borderline ableist idea, rooted in stereotypes.

In my life, this criterion shows up in a myriad of ways. A few examples being: I tend to interrupt people, because I need the focus of the conversation on me. I have a HUGE issue with shifting the conversation to revolve around me and my life. I will exaggerate stories to make them more interesting (eg. Making myself out to have more of a backbone than i do/say more shocking things.), and I dress very noticably. In a less socially acceptable light, I also use a lot of my opinions as ways to get attention/make more friends, when I really don't care about the opinions I put out (these things also mix into the second criterion: 'when interacting with others, I make them pay attention to me', so I will skip to the third criterion).

3. I have rapid mood swings.

When people hear this criterion in regards to hpd, people tend to think these emotions are 'fake', or 'shallow'. While this may be the case and is relatively common, I think it is important to mention that people with hpd can and do experience intense emotions and express them authentically. What differentiates these intense emotions from bpd is the main need that motivates the behaviours. In bpd, it is usually in response to abandonment and other personal triggers, whereas in hpd it is more likely to be in response to lack of attention and other personal triggers. However, anyone (esp. cluster b individuals) can experience a fear of abandonment and react accordingly, as these disorders do overlap, hence why they are cluster disorders.

In my experience, I do both. I experience shallow and intense feelings, and I do tend to play them up, usually in a way that is disguised as a joke/in an environment where that type of behaviour is seen as normal (eg theatre, which is an AMAZING outlet for that type of stuff). I have a lack of empathy, which I really don't try hard to hide, and while I do feel it, it is very shifting and shallow. Music heavily influences my mood as well. Along with rapid mood swings, I feel that my identity instability sorta ties into this. I will take on different aesthetics/personality traits/etc based on how I'm feeling and what will get me the most attention/appreciation/makes me feel most superior (npd trait).

4. I often use my physical appearance to draw attention to myself.

HUGE HUGE HUGE thing with me. I wear bright makeup, weird patterns, unusual outfits, excessive/tacky/bright jewelry, dye my hair, etc to get people to notice me. I will forsake my own comfort for that type of attention. It gets me compliments, stares, helps me stand out (which i take huge pride in), etc. I also dress skimpy sometimes in order to achieve sexual attention, to compensate for my lack of physical confidence.

5. I have a style of speech which is impressionable and lacking in detail.

Personally, I'm not sure if I really exhibit this one. I feel like when it comes to school projects such as essays, I do take a while to get to the point/put a lot of emphasis on wording more than actually getting my point across.

6. I am incredibly hyperbolic or theatrical in how I express myself.

In a lot of instances, the way I naturally move is very spinny and flowy. I walk very fast, heavy and confident in order to be paid attention to and seen as confident.

7. I am easily influenced by others or circumstances

This shows up in a much less obvious way for me. Eg if someone says 'hey that colour really works on you' or 'that piercing would work well with your facial features', I will probably start wearing that colour or go get that piercing. If someone says I seem very extroverted, I will act more extroverted. If someone says that I am smart, I will act smarter/see myself as smarter, which ties into my npd as well.

8. I often misread relationships and consider them to be closer than they actually are.

For this, I am actually not sure. I do get attached fast to people who give me my desired forms of attention/hang out with them more, so I'm not sure if that counts?

So, as you can see, experiences are very subjective in nature and can be vastly different for everyone. The point of this post is to show that the vagueness of the DSM is harmful and that people should definitely make sure that they are fully understanding each criterion.

Can you give me some advice related to bpd, please?

Okay :). First and foremost, I want to clarify that these are based on my lived experiences with BPD. That doesn't mean they're all right or wrong; what works for me may not work for you. With that being said, here are some little things I tell myself often

Emotions are fleeting - What you're feeling isn't going to last forever, and that's okay. You're not going to always be in agony! However strong and terrible, this feeling has to fade at some point, so keep going. We experience such strong emotions in BPD and I feel that we experience blindness to the end of our feelings, that is to say, we don't realize that this probably isn't the worst thing ever and that our emotions do pass! You have survived every mood swing up to this point, and as time goes on you can learn to cope better and better with whatever is thrown your way.

Forgive yourself - In life, it is inevitable that we are the bad guy at times. This can be really hard to come to terms with when you have BPD, because of our tendency to use black-and-white thinking. Few people are all good or all bad, and that includes you! So, for all those moments where we were wrong, let's forgive ourselves and promise to do better. Let's learn from our mistakes, see what we could have done better, and work towards it. We aren't all bad or all good, we are simply nuanced and complex human beings working on ourselves!

Not everybody leaves, but also loss is not the worst thing in the world - In BPD we often face that terrible fear of abandonment, but it's important to remember that in healthy relationships, people don't just leave out of nowhere. When that fear of abandonment strikes, ask yourself if it's based on facts or if it's your mind trying to spiral! "Do I have evidence that I'm being abandoned? Is this fear based on reality?" But it's also important to remember that loss is a natural part of life, and so we need to learn to cope appropriately. In many ways, people come and go. Whether it be through death, break ups (friends or romantic), moving, or any other ways; we don't stay in the same spot and with the same exact people forever and ever and ever, and that's ok! Friendships can be lifelong but someone has to die eventually like, it's ok that nothing is exactly as concrete as we'd like it to be. Live for the now, enjoy what we do have instead of fearing for the future that will probably end up alright anyway!

Live in the now - Continuing on from my last point, mindfulness and staying in the present are really important. It isn't healthy to spend every waking moment fearing the what-ifs and possible future. Allow yourself to enjoy the moments you have for what they are now, and allow the future to come when it comes. That's not to say throw everything to the wayside and live for today only, moderation is important! A little bit of worry now and again won't kill you, but it's not fair to yourself to be so preoccupied with every little thing that could go wrong instead of focusing on what is happening.

It's okay to let go - Similar to my third point, letting go is okay! Realize and understand you cannot feasibly control everything and everyone around you. That's ok. Things won't always go your way in life, and although it feels nice to be in control, sometimes what we perceive as being "in control" is detrimental. Allow yourself to let go sometimes, and be in control other times. It's about finding a balance in life. It's ok to not have everything you want right now this second, it's ok that mishaps happen, it's ok that the people around you may not think like you or agree with everything you say or do. All of that is part of the complex experience of living, and that's okay! That's all I have for now, but I hope this helps you somehow. Always remember that to get better we must put in the work to heal, it won't come easy but it'll definitely come! We just need to keep at it and keep going, to use our coping skills and be patient and kind to ourselves. Love you.

i mentioned it in some tags fucking forever ago and I posted about it on twitter but might as well post it here too

"I can't be ableist, I'm [x]" has done so much damage to mentally ill and disabled spaces and or threatens to do so. and unchecked internalized ableism and unchecked ableism as a whole.

i am someone with unsavoury symptoms and conditions. There's no beating the bush about this one. My symptoms are considered ugly and there have been times where I've met people who have been all like, "Support people with unsavory symptoms" but when I actually started hanging out with them they ended up being more ableist than anyone I've ever met.

I have memory issues. On some days I forget things quite literally as they happen to me. There's no guarantee I'd remember what you've said to me. It doesn't mean I don't care, I literally sometimes forget what I was doing three minutes ago. no, I'm not making an excuse, I literally forgot that you were bothered by, say, bugs and it was not intentional. Now I will most likely remember but please don't be bothered if moving forward I ask you to clarify what you're bothered by.

I have issues with my emotions. I struggle to articulate what I'm thinking and feeling. PLEASE ask me to elaborate on things before jumping at me and accusing me of twisting things around or whatever, or inviting conflict, or a thousand other "UM ACTUALLY--"s. And please, PLEASE don't assume things, ASK ME THINGS. Let me speak.

I have issues with anxiety. I often distance myself from 90% of discord servers and even my own friends (even if they don't notice it) because I am deeply terrified that they secretly don't like me or they're seconds from snapping, or they find me annoying, or about a thousand fucking other things that there are times where I feel deeply, deeply ill. It's not that I don't like you; it's that I'm actively struggling with myself and putting forth a lot of effort to make things work on my end.

I have PTSD. That PTSD on top of the anxiety manifests in my fear of old terrible cycles repeating even if they're out of my control. This makes pretty much everything else mentioned way worse. Everything is a CONSTANT WAR within myself. I'm a perfectionist and I feel like even if it's not my fault I convince myself that I did something wrong and I rationalize things that way. There's also the bipolar and the BPD.

I am medicated and learning how to manage these things. But we need to accept that these symptoms are ugly, that while I'm doing my part, I and others like me still deserve grace and tenderness and we do NOT need our own community and/or communities who claim to have the exact same issues treating us like shit, spitting on us, or being in general hypocritical towards us in claiming that they support us but then do everything that seems to state the obvious.

it really is your own people sometimes. and it shouldn't have to be.

and whenever i try and say things like this I have people telling me I'm "DODGING RESPONSIBILITY," no I'm not, you cannot assume such things of me when you're only seeing me talking about a very real issue that I and many others face.

Stop reblogging and posting about how much you love and support "unsavoury" symptoms and conditions but then turn around and treat those very same people like absolute shit.

And don't get me started on how autistics like to treat other autistics just because their autism happens to be different.

I'm sorta fuzzy so it's super hard to really articulate or parse together what I'm trying to say properly but I hope what I'm trying to say comes across. Ableism within disabled and mentally ill communities fucking suck. Learn to actually care about and support people with symptoms and conditions you can't romanticize.

Hello! Was lucifer written to have BPD ? If so, how were you able to portray it in a way that sheds light on it without misrepresenting? Did you get your information from scientific journals and books, or interview someone that has BPD, or suffer from it yourself? In general, when writing a character with heavy mental illness, how do you go about approaching it?

And if that wasn’t the intention, then maybe I’m reading too much into it haha! Your writing is very thought provoking. Thank you

Very much so yes. Lucifer has some pretty intense BPD akajdas

I hesitate to say it (a little) because I find mental health labels to be a bit weird to use outside of a human context and because the labels themselves are... new and fuzzy. (There's been a bit of discussion about BPD being a trauma disorder, rather than a spontaneous personality disorder, for example.) But when I wrote Lucifer to be mentally ill, I was informed by BPD, most particularly. (Ive seen people read him as autistic and plenty of other things too, and I happily accept those readings also.)

I'll also say that I always wanted Lucifer to be mentally ill for mostly selfish reasons. I'm mentally ill and I enjoy writing characters that are mentally ill. I justify it by thinking of the devil's association with mental illness, but really, I just usually write mental illness. And giving Lucifer BPD, in particular, was not really a conscious decision, at least not initially. He just... was and I liked what it added to his character a lot: I liked the idea of Lucifer having a favorite person, and how God fit into that, how Michael fit into that. I liked that Lucifer had a mental illness with strong stigma attached; it made sense for him thematically. And Lucifer's freak out at the end was very much a BPD split, and I thought it worked very very well (again) thematically and for his character.

I don't have BPD, but my best friend does, and we have a ton of overlapping symptoms so I have strong solidarity with those who have BPD and have written BPD characters a million times before. I wouldn't say I do research beyond just... knowing my BPD friends very well and using our shared symptoms as a way for me to inform how I approach certain things (such as delusions or self destruction).

On your qs about misrepresentation and approaching heavy mental illness... This is hard! I think the risk of misrepresentation never goes away, though I also think "representation" is just not a good word, especially for mental illness, which can vary so much for people. I think the better way to think about representing is to focus on writing a depiction that feels authentic, that feels like it could happen to one person with BPD rather than inventing an all-encompassing experience... And to do this, I think you have to be really empathetic, you have to really understand where these feelings come from and how some of the worst parts of it can be perpetuated and how scary it is for the person suffering.

Approaching heavy mental illness is also hard... I feel like I can talk a lot about the necessity for those with mental illness to perform sanity/normal-headedness. For ex, people with intrusive thoughts usually lie to others about their thoughts because they don't want to scare non mentally ill people.

But, you know what, I had a funny encounter recently with a friend who also has what we dub "scary mental illness" and after downplaying my symptoms, he told me his, and I realized that we suffered similarly and I didn't need to downplay my issues. I could talk about the scary stuff, and he wouldn't get scared.

So what I'm saying is that the "approach" depends on who you're approaching. Are you trying to approach those who want to learn and need to be guided delicately? Or are you trying to approach readers who might be mentally ill and are not afraid of discussing the scary parts? Basically, audience should inform your decisions here 100% i think....

A word of advice is always to let someone with the illness youre writing about read your work, if you're looking for authenticity. Talking to people is always great, and I think more people are way more open to talking about their mental issues than you think.

I hope Ive answered your questions!!! thank u! I hope I make sense.....