Oh yeah make sure neglected people get love until that neglected person is a fucking narcissist. Cause all narcissists are bad. Everything I do is intentionally manipulative or maybe they'll say I'm not actually a narcissist and are just confused or supporting them cause I've been made to feel guilty. I've been on both sides. People will believe I'm a narcissist and so therefore I'm abusive or people will not believe I'm a narcissist cause I'm too nice and just getting caught up in narcissists manipulating me to support them.

I hate the idea that my self image is not by my choice. I will always be what OTHERS perceive me as. I have always been that and it will continue to be that. People will either see someone that can't do any wrong or someone that can only do wrong. Like stfu I am a person! I can do good and bad! I have a past of being toxic and harmful esp as a teenager cause I was a fucking mentally fucked teen still in an abusive situation.

I just. I dunno. Im waiting on food so I'm very like just ranty about everything and anything. But like. Stfu. Stfu stfu stfu stfu stfu. If anyone else is needy and needs attention or reassurance then it's fine. But I have had it demonized since my fucking childhood and had my fucking meltdowns demonized as being intentionally manipulative!!! I WAS A FIVE YEAR OLD AUTISTIC CHILD STFU!!!!!

And people praising empathy as being good piss me off. Cause you know what else can also have hypoempathy? AUTISM. Low empathy is not just an "evil" personality disorder thing. Anyone can be anywhere on the scale of empathy. And it doesn't fucking matter. And anyone can be capable of good or bad. It has literally nothing to do with narcissism or any disorder.

Like wtf are anti narcissists gonna fucking do when they realize theyve done harm??? Cause you know what being someone believing in narc abuse did to me?! It made me believe that i was justified as a victim of narcissists so therefore I couldn't be wrong in my trauma responses.

Yeah. Accepting im a narcissist did way more for helping my relationships by allowing me to understand and communicate my needs than believing in narc abuse and calling my parents narcissists ever fucking did. Wtf are they gonna do when they're told about the harm they've done??? Not even related to narc abuse. I would have horrible episodes and defended myself cause I wasn't like my abusive "narcissistic" parents. And all it did was lead to more fights and more episodes and my friend couldn't help cause they were dealing with trauma responses too (people pleasing, believing it was okay what I did or that she deserved it even when I told her not to say or believe that, it's a very lengthy explanation required thing.)

Anyone and everyone is capable of good and bad and is capable of harming others. Whether it's full on abuse, even worse things, or just being insensitive and thoughtless. Focusing so much on the big bad narcissists will only continue to focus on this "us vs them" mentality that completely negates any sort of nuance and ignores the fact that harmful people, abusers, and even the worst of humanity is ALLOWED by society. It isn't a prevalence of narcissists, it is fucking bigotry. And it is everywhere. And it allows abuse to be normalized.

Big list of things I been thinking on. Fuck fuck fuck. I'm already fucking stressed and my parents won't stfu so I can think and type. Disorganized speech, semiverbal, can't thinky think.

Any other narcs like hate anything that makes them feel coddled. Even though rationally it's probably from a place of love.

Ex: it's your birthday and something goes slightly wrong and everyone rushes to comfort you and ask what you want even tho you're not upset

Or like "can I make it up to you? We can go to xyz" no.

DONT SPEND TIME W MY ON CHARITY AND PITY IM GONNA KILL MYSELF WHAT.

you have any fucking word in the dictionary to describe your abuse. please stop using the one that describes a personality disorder

Reminder for people with Personality Disorders:

You can be in therapy for years to be able to cope.

You can mask the difficulties you have.

You can cope well with your disorders.

You can function in daily life.

But the day you have a bad day, the day you're so overwhelmed that the mask slips and you simply say one thing, the neurotypicals will use it against you and use it to abuse you.

Abuse is a choice. Abusers make the choice to abuse someone. Not every abuser has a personality disorder. There are plenty of abusers that are Neurotypical. Plenty of neurotypicals will abuse those with PDs due to the stigma and misinformation around them.

Quit using terms like "Narcissistic/Histrionic/Borderline/Anti-Social Abuse"

Quit using "Narcissist" and "Anti-Social" as insults.

Quit justifying abuse towards people with PDs.

Quit armchair diagnosing abusers and assholes with Personality Disorders when you don't know the lived experience of people with them.

Stop fucking appealing to Neurotypicals.

"Narcissists only care about themselves" is probably the biggest lie ever spread about our condition. At the end of the day we care about our presentation in the eye of another. Narcissists literally care about everyone around us and what they think first, ourselves - second. I swear some of you all hear "narcissist" and imagine some Gotham-style mastermind pulling all the strings when most of us are very much on a tight, suffocating leash of social fulfillment and satisfaction.

UPD: t*rfs/r*dfems kys

I don’t know who needs to hear this but no mentally ill person is capable of evil that you are not. We are capable of abusing others, yes, but so are you. Our capacity to hurt people is the same as yours because to abuse is to make a choice, it is not something out of your control.

Narcissistic abuse isn’t real because pwNPD are not capable of abusing others in a way that people without NPD are not. If you have been hurt by one of them, well you’re capable of doing the same things as them. You are not better than them just because you don’t have a certain condition. You may tell me ‘a narc will destroy you to your core’ but so will you.

And I have been hurt by someone with BPD. I should have kicked her to the curb sooner than I did. I shouldn’t have let her hurt me like that. But you know what? The things she did to hurt me? People in my past who didn’t have BPD did the same things to me. Why would I blame her disorder for what she did if it’s clear that she didn’t need it to make that happen? She chose to be like that.

You are working in the favor of your abusers by blaming their behavior on mental illnesses. You’re handing them a get out of jail free card on a silver platter. Worse, you’re burning vulnerable people who did nothing wrong at the same time. Don’t absolve your abuser of guilt. Acknowledge that they chose to be the way they did.

whenever i hear or see those “how to kill/defeat a narcissist” websites and shit it baffles me. like you’re telling me you want to kill rarity? you want to kill rainbow dash? you want to kill papyrus undertale? deadass?

hey maybe, when people with npd tell you not to call abusers and rapists and the like narcissistic just because they're horrible people, view it not as us defending abusers or trying to control how victims talk about their trauma, and more like i as a survivor don't wanna be fucking put in the same category as an abuser or rapist for no fucking reason because you can't bring it upon yourself to spell the word egotistical

self-proclaimed empaths will praise each other for actively stigmatising NPD and talking about all the ways they advise others to kill and abuse narcissists, whilst calling themselves survivors.

but if someone with NPD was to say that shit about them they’d say it was because we’re evil and abusive.

your ableism disgusts me.

A disorder is not abusive you’d never say it for any other disorder why the fuck are you saying it about personality disorders and psychotic disorders

what also gets me about people being so adamant about using the word "narcissist" or some form of it to describe shitty people is...there are other words. I was just watching a drew gooden video and he said "If you knowingly take part in something that has the potential to put other people in harm's way and you still do it cause it's kind of fun for you, you are selfish and you suck." (It's the gender reveal party.)

Just seeing how many commentary YouTubers, especially more leftist ones that talk about the heavier side of things like misogynists and seeing them use the term narcissistic or delusional is just. We HAVE other words we can use! We HAVE USED other words for years before narcissistic became a big trend to say and narcissistic abuse really ramped up as a pop psychology trend.

It is literally SO easy to use other words. You can Google similar words. Selfish, self centered, self righteous, egotistical, arrogant, entitled. One of the best words I find is probably entitled. Because a lot of bigots and misogynists and shit that usually get delusional and narcissistic thrown at them are really more self centered, arrogant, and entitled. Self interested, self obsessed. Especially since for abusers, misogynists, other shitty people, the entitled comes from the fact it is NORMALIZED!!!!! It is not a bunch of narcissists harming people, it is a society, a world, that has normalized this behaviour. They are entitled, they are abusive, they are selfish, they are cruel. There are so many OTHER WORDS to describe your abuse, to describe shitty people. Just call them abusers or bigots for fucks sake. And even if some delusional people may get roped into it cause they're vulnerable, typically it is a lot of people who are INTENTIONALLY doing it. It is normalized, it is allowed!

All we narcissists ask is that you not use a word that demonizes us. "There's a difference" yet other people say there isn't, other people say NPD isn't even fucking real, other people say pwNPD ARE abusive. If we used any kind of other word for the more "talked about" disorders, there would be a problem. We ask that you change it, we ask that you use other words, we ask that you not further add to the stigma. The same stigma that BPD deals with, that autistic people deal with, that any neurodivergent person deals with. The stigma and demonization is something ALL neurodivergencies have fucking faced!!! It may have moved away from demonization for a lot of disorders, but there ARE people that DO still believe it.

We fucking ask you literally use any other word. And you refuse to. You refuse to listen to us. You refuse to believe us when we tell you the harm it has and how it actually prevents us from finding resources. You say "of course a narcissist would want that." You see it as an attack on you and your trauma. You are throwing trauma victims at risk of abuse under the bus because you want to feel vindicated in your own trauma. You completely ignore any critical thinking of what we say to turn it against us, to ignore us, to bring up your own trauma as a defense point. Yes, you were abused by someone and it is terrible that happened. So were we!!! My abusive mom probably has NPD, but it did not affect the abuse I faced, it only add strains in our relationship outside of the abuse that still affect us to this day.

It is SO easy to find another word, to literally just listen to us, to not throw us under the same fucking bus. To not group us in with abusers and rapists and child sex offenders and murderers. Would you fucking like to be compared to your abuser? Pretty sure you fucking wouldn't. So why is it okay to do to us?

Some people will never listen. No matter what I say, it does not matter. As with any kind of thinking along these lines. But for those that are still reachable, please. Listen to us. And what would you even do if you found yourself having NPD traits? Wouldn't it be terrifying to see that in yourself? Because I sure as hell thought it was. It made me hate myself and further believe that I could NEVER do any wrong because I wasn't like my narcissistic abusers and worsened my relationship difficulties. A fair bit of narcissists on here had also fallen into that same hole. It doesn't heal you. It keeps you angry, scared, upset. It makes you want to hurt them back. And that will not heal you. It'll keep you defensive. It's keeping you in a victim mentality and preventing healing.

To the ones that ARE reachable, I hope you can learn something from my posts, from posts I reblog, or from any other posts. It starts with narcissists and "psychopaths" (antisocials), but it is the same place the stigma of every neurodivergency and mental disorder stems from. It's why other disorders may still get demonization from some ableists. That a lot of autistic experiences were based around how it affected OTHER PEOPLE like "think of their mom having that autistic kid :(" it is not anything new. It is the same ableism and stigma. It is less demonized for other disorders now, focusing more on treating it as no big deal, ignoring the actual difficult symptoms of such disorders (like if you have poor hygiene, people will judge you regardless), or even infantilization. There IS still stigma, but the stigma was once the same as us, demonization. It comes from the same place. It's things said about other disorders still today even if it is rarer. It's just more well known for the "scary" personality and psychotic disorders since there is a big push to destigmatize things like depression, anxiety, OCD, autism.

Do not throw us under the bus. It will do nothing. It is the same fucking stigma, the same fucking arguments. Like gay people throwing trans people under the bus, they're called the same things even if it seems like they aren't. It comes from the same bigotry, the same place of hatred.

It is not new, it is not different, it just is more common for personality disorders, psychotic disorders, and schizospec disorders. So when we bring up these things, mention how using the term directly associated with a disorder in the DSM V and how it prevents us getting help, how using the term narcissistic DOES correlate to NPD, please fucking listen.

Cause nothing will ultimately benefit you for continuing down that rabbit hole. Narcissistic abuse believers don't help victims of abuse, those articles and questions don't help you heal. It keeps you angry how anyone could do that, it takes advantage of your vulnerability and desire to find meaning and logic out of it. The reality is, you may never know why or at least not until you are away from the abuse.

We are trauma victims as well. We are still at risk of abuse because of our disorder. I would genuinely stay with an abuser just for the sake of narc supply regardless of how they hurt me if I did not have a good support system. For our "toxic" traits, we cannot work on them without help and the idea of narcissistic abuse pushes stigma further which prevents us from even finding free online resources, let alone if we actually tried to seek any fucking help.

Narcissistic abuse is not real and it will never be. Please fucking include us in "mental health matters" and the push for destigmatizing disorders. We are fucking humans that need help. And even if we were all toxic and selfish hypothetically, removing the ability to find resources or get help is NOT the way to go.

Even when I believed in narcissistic abuse, I would search to find answers on why I aligned with NPD if I wasn't an abuser or a bad person. I was terrified to even suspect it despite how much attention and love and supply I needed and how that applied to the very essence of my being. Even when I examined my own actions, all I found was treating it as if they're the utter worst of humanity. Even with my toxic and unhealthy acts because I was a fucking traumatized teen with no experience for relationships of any kind especially not healthy ones, I could not find answers or help. And all that did was reassure me that I WAS the good person, that I was JUSTIFIED in my toxic desires because I was traumatized. It did not help me with my emotional regulation, it worsened it.

Even if narcissists WERE all abusers or toxic and bad, they deserve fucking help and a chance to be able to see their actions in a better light. Some people may never change, but plenty will if given resources and actual professional help. The idea of narcissistic abuse refuses that and just demonizes it and NOBODY wants to be demonized, NOBODY wants to believe they're a bad person. The term narcissistic abuse and the environment and community surrounding it is toxic. It always will be. That is inherently what it is about. It kept me terrified that someone might call me an abusive narcissist because of my emotional difficulties, that someone would take me out of context and turn me into a monster like my family had done my entire fucking life. It keeps you defensive, it keeps you scared, it keeps you mistrustful, it keeps you in those trauma responses. It does not fucking help victims find peace of mind or heal. It keeps you triggered.

Also NPD isn't just a single disorder on its own. It's comorbid or the person could be ND in other ways. BPD + NPD, it has some genetic factors so a narcissistic parent may increase likelihood you have it, there are DID systems with it. You are not just throwing people with purely ONLY NPD under the bus, but whoever else may have it that may also fall under many other categories. I'm autistic and have NPD, I'm a system with NPD, I'm schizospec and psychotic with NPD. I have ADHD and NPD. They may not be directly related and comorbid, but I do still fall under these other categories. So autistics throwing people with NPD under the bus does nothing for the narcissists that are also fucking autistic. So by throwing narcissists under the bus, you are throwing a LOT of people with that disorder that also have other forms of neurodivergency under the bus as well. And the stigma all comes from the same place anyway.

'You had self centered intentions so while your actions were good this is still bad because intention is much more important than action' - people who hate pwnpd

Hey! Thats actually an abuse tactic! Lets not encourage the mentality that intention is always more important than action because it can easily become 'My intention wasnt to hurt you so I wont take accountability for hurting you because my intention is more important than my action'

Hope this helps!

"narc abuse has nothing to do with npd!!" "narcissism isnt npd" then please explain that to the other people in your community like this.

be real. its about npd. the other people in your community fucking argue so. narc abuse = npd and its fucking harming us stop pulling "nArc iS aN aDjEcTiVe!!" out of your fucking ass and grow up.

Narcissism and NPD may not be the same thing, but the terms and their histories are so similar and intertwined that they are inseparable. With that respect, you cannot in good faith separate the term narcissist from NPD and use terminology like "narcissistic abuse".

Additionally, anyone acting in good faith to the NPD community will not use the term "narcissistic abuse" BECAUSE of the horrific ableist history of the term and the ableist ways it is being used now.

I, as someone who has NPD and ASPD, will never trust someone who claims to support people with NPD while using the term "narcissistic abuse" because I can guarantee that as soon as we show symptoms they don't like they'll call us abusers.

Personality disorders are a direct result of severe childhood trauma, so if you're promoting the idea that all narcissists are abusers, just know that you're causing very much harm by insinuating that victims of abuse are the abusers. And you're not just harming those with personality disorders, you are hurting ALL victims of abuse.

Just because you don't feel comfortable with the way trauma manifests in people doesn't mean you can blame them for the abuse they went through and tell them they are inherently abusive because of the way their trauma formed into a personality disorder.