alostlittleriverlotus - Tumblr blog

alostlittleriverlotus · 16 hours

Note

Hot take 🤠 but systems need amnesia and trauma in order to be DID. No amnesia. No DID. It's not "gatekeeping" it's diagnosable criteria

Mhm, it's also important to keep in mind that it doesn't have to be blackout amnesia, it can be grey-out, emotional, partial, ect. As long as you have amnesia it fits the criteria. It's also important to keep in mind people will have different levels of amnesia (especially those with osdd1-B who have little to no amnesia)

138 notes · View notes

alostlittleriverlotus · 16 hours

Text

been styling my hair based on mountain dew flavors

4K notes · View notes

alostlittleriverlotus · 16 hours

Text

Dear parents

Pretending that your kid isn't disabled and getting mad at them for needing more help and support than your other kids and wanting them to "try harder" and also pretend that THEY aren't disabled by ignoring their OWN needs as well doesn't make them less disabled by the way

3K notes · View notes

alostlittleriverlotus · 16 hours

Text

my type of fictional guys

1K notes · View notes

alostlittleriverlotus · 16 hours

Text

NPD is never being good enough.

NPD is being isolated from everybody else.

NPD is knowing you will never form connections to people like egotypicals do.

NPD is never being authentic.

NPD is feeling empty inside.

NPD is constant paranoia and the sickening feeling of thinking everyone is going to sabotage you.

NPD is constant distrust.

NPD is self hatred.

NPD is feeling sick when others succeed.

NPD is knowing love will never be enough for you, you need obsession, devotion, to be the most important person, to be the air they breathe, to be worshipped but knowing they will probably never be that to you.

NPD is needing control.

NPD is constantly feeling underestimated and belittled.

NPD is having to be admired by everyone.

NPD is the want to be feared and respected.

NPD is never feeling satisfied.

NPD is competing with socially assertive people and getting unbearably angry at them for purposefully stealing your spotlight.

NPD is nobody understanding your struggles irl.

491 notes · View notes

alostlittleriverlotus · 17 hours

Text

That precious moment when people call you toxic, manipulative, evil, cruel, and any other "bad" adjective, and instead of feeling guilty you feel drugged on supply. Please, keep talking sweetheart. I'm near divine at this point.

270 notes · View notes

alostlittleriverlotus · 17 hours

Text

😈NEW EPISODES OF BRIMSTONE AND ROSES ARE UP!🌹

So excited to finally get to introduce y'all to this character 😉!

FP preview below cut!

NGL, the ending of this FP episode I literally told my editor "I just think they should kiss-" as if I don't control that 😂💀

51 notes · View notes

alostlittleriverlotus · 17 hours

Text

7K notes · View notes

alostlittleriverlotus · 17 hours

Text

If you all haven't heard about it yet: https://ratethelandlord.org/

79K notes · View notes

alostlittleriverlotus · 17 hours

Text

22K notes · View notes

alostlittleriverlotus · 17 hours

Text

Let's Talk About Missing Persons

So, I've seen this post circulating last week, and a few others like it in the past year. I think this probably needs to be discussed every few years, and it feels like time.

First, a few caveats: there are reports on the post that Abby has been located and is fine, so no need to reblog and also that's great news, I'm very happy she is safe. Second, I did not especially doubt the veracity of the post, so I'm not impugning the people who made and posted it, but I also declined to reblog it for reasons I'll get into. Third, I know that especially in marginalized communities it can be dangerous to involve the police, and that Missing White Woman Syndrome means it can be difficult to get media coverage. I understand why Abby's community may have chosen to search for her in the way they did.

However, for everyone's safety, I do not link any missing persons post that requires you to contact an individual to report the missing person's whereabouts. If the poster doesn't ask you to contact the police or a known missing persons organization, I won't do it.

This is for the safety of the missing person.

When you see a post with someone's photo, name, and last known whereabouts, and you are asked to contact an individual -- a family member, partner, friend, etc -- what you are being asked to do is report on the whereabouts of one person you don't know to another person you don't know. You don't know that the person you're talking to isn't an abusive partner or parent, a stalker, or a person who means them material harm. One of the Insta accounts in the missing image doesn't appear to exist, and another has no bio and very little captioning on their images. I couldn't verify that Abby even knew these people.

Again: when I looked at the image, it looked sincere to me. I didn't doubt those people were earnestly searching for a friend they were worried about. But also, an abuser doesn't look like an abuser until they do. So I don't make exceptions, because a missing person is missing but a victim outed to their abuser has strong odds of being murdered. The most dangerous time in the life of an abused person is when they are leaving their abuser. Even if a victim simply logs on to say "Hey, I'm fine, these people mean me harm" the abuser has now flushed them out of hiding, and manipulated them into making a public statement.

If you can't verify positively that the person searching does not mean the missing person harm, you should not be circulating a post, full stop. At the very least, if the community doesn't wish for the help of the police (understandable) or can't get the help of an organization or community (frequent), the missing persons poster should advise you to speak to the missing person, not the searcher, and notify them they're being sought, as long as it's safe for both you and them to do so.

This isn't intuitive. We want to help, and search posters like that tug on the heartstrings. We know that when the police get involved even in something this innocuous, it can be perilous for everyone. But in situations where someone is so vulnerable, we have to concern ourselves first with harm reduction, which in this case means not spreading someone's photo with a stranger's contact information on it.

I'm glad Abby was found and is fine and that her searchers were in earnest. But that will not always be the case, and it's important to remember that.

1K notes · View notes

alostlittleriverlotus · 2 days

Text

personal vent, tw abuse

.

I wish I had been an only child. None of the good memories were worth that. I am so numb to the pain and suffering cause it's the only way to not sink into the idea that it was my fault. But when I feel it, it fucking hurts.

I'm breaking dosn. I wish I had been an only child. I hate the idea that we would grow up and be super close. Cause we aren't. He's fucking 25 and defends the shit he said to me when I was fucking 4 and throughout my entire childhood until he stopped talking to me when I was fucking 14. My mom always convinced me he didn't mean it, he really did love me, that's just how boys are, that's just how siblings/brothers can be, that she was picked on too and she and her sisters grew up to be close.

No. Fucking no. He doesn't even feel fucking sorry for me. He has seen every breakdown I've had, every episode, every fight as ME BEING FUCKING MANIPULATIVE!!!!! He thinks I'm taking advantage of them by standing up for the fact that I'm fucking disabled and can't do shit!!! That me being angry at the abuse and neglect is MY FAULT and me taking advantage of our parents' endless kindness!!! He never gave a fucking shit about me. Whatever little care he had is fucking dead.

I hate him. I fucking hate him. I wish I was an only child. I was as lonely as one anyway. Then fights wouldn't be as often. Punishments wouldn't have been as often. And I would have never been made as suicidal as I was being constantly belittled and mocked by those two. I fucking hate them and I fucking hate how little was done to protect me and I hate that even therapists I had defended the idea that's how boys and siblings are and that THEY were picked on too and now they're close.

There is no closeness in this gamily. I'm fucking alone and I'm fucking breaking down cause I saw a photo of my brother being a happy autistic/adhd child and hyperfixating on a cool new game. Because he was adorable and seemed so sweet. All the while he fucking hated me and resented me and told me awful things that made me wanna die. I was willing to accept and forgive, accept that we were traumatized neurodivergent kids being abused. But no. He's 25 and still defends that shit. He's 25 and says little me as young as 4 years old DESERVED IT because he knew I was terrible!!! I WAS A FUCKING PRESCHOOLER YOU JACKASS!!!!! And it hurts. It hurts so much and I'm tired of having to defend myself by being angry and defiant and numb to the worst shit.

#personal vent #trauma #childhood trauma #triggered #sibling abuse #abusive siblings #abusive brothers #abusive brother #I hate that there is so little about siblings that are abusive #outside of like sexually abusive siblings which great that there's info on that #but there is so little about stuff especially when they're emotionally/verbally abusive #actually traumatized

0 notes

alostlittleriverlotus · 2 days

Text

vent, personal

.

I dunno, man. But seeing a cute pic of our brother as a kid come up on the Google thing and he's just being autistic/adhd and so focused on a new game on his DS on a Christmas morning years ago makes us wanna fucking cry.

The same kid that bullied us, made us hate ourselves, said no one loved us. The same one that in a fight last fall, defending calling me all those things even as far back as when I was fucking 4 and 5 and he was 7 and 8. Saying I deserved it because he knew I was terrible.

Our parents love looking back on the cute memories. But seeing pictures of my brothers being cute innocent kids and us being a "happy family" fucking stings and triggers me. Cause he WAS just a kid back then. I thought he would have grown, but no. He stands by insulting me and bullying me and abusing me for years and sees that I deserved it cause I was "annoying" and had emotional problems.

I hate those fucking family photos. They just show a family that wasn't the reality. They show me happy when I was so fucking suicidal and miserable. I hate seeing the cute innocent kids in those pictures. I hate seeing my brothers when they were sweet happy children, especially the one brother. The other one just struggled, but him? He was purposeful in mocking me. I thought he would have grown up and seen we were all kids in a shitty situation not having our needs met, but no. He defends telling me I was a mistake and our parents regretted giving birth and he was excited to see me until I started talking and he realized I was annoying. I hate it. I hate those fucking photos. I'm fucking crying.

#personal vent #trauma #abusive brothers #abusive brother #sibling abuse #triggered #actually traumatized #actually autistic

2 notes · View notes

alostlittleriverlotus · 2 days

Text

Been enjoying splatfest. :3 Mikey even got to play a little with me before they had to leave for work since I was too sleepy to do any last night after their work.

Team bear cubs cause I love polar bears and also Milk/Mocha the cute little kawaii bears are just me and Mikey.

#splatfest #splatoon splatfest #special interest #neurodivergent

1 note · View note

alostlittleriverlotus · 2 days

Text

Purple!!! Pink, green, blue, black. Specifically pastels or softer/lighter shades or soft dark shades. I'm sensitive to "bright" shades of colors.

Tigers, bats, moths, chinchillas, any reptile and amphibian, fish as well and any predominantly water dwelling creature. Love aquatic creatures. Oh and sloth bears and polar bears and most bears!!! But sloth and polar bears are my favorites. >:3

Mint chocolate chip, chocolate-vanilla swirl, then chocolate.

@michaelanimelover

A person's favorite color, favorite animal, and favorite flavor of ice cream can say a lot about them when considering the answers as a whole. Some prime examples I've heard are:

~ Silver, Artic Wolf, and Mint Chocolate Chip.

~ Pink/Yellow, Putu Bird, and Cotton Candy.

~ Light Brown, Tree Kangaroo, and Rum Raisin.

~ Green, Pig, and Cookie Dough.

Mine are:

~ Burgundy, Fox, and Moose Tracks.

Tag some friends and get a sense of who they are! :)

@notable-bumblr @persistentchaos @enterfandomreference @valerietompson @paper-crowns-and-tiaras @ironxprince @acecuddle @angst-dealer @hey-you-i-just

#tag game #I'm too anxious to tag anyone else #but anyone not tagged that sees it from me can participate too :3

8K notes · View notes

alostlittleriverlotus · 2 days

Text