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twola · 7 months

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idk if this is too vague, but arthur/f!reader in the classic trope of, oh my god I can't believe we both almost just died sex? did they both almost drown? Was there a fire? did he save her life? who knows! i feel like arthur would sees the woman he loves almost die and immediately fuck about it

Okay this has been in my asks for WAY too long and it’s such a good one and I wanted to do it justice.

Left Unsaid

Arthur Morgan x F!Reader Smut (18+), MDNI

➵ Fic Masterlist ➵ AO3 Link

When he think's he's almost lost you in a run-in with a rival gang, Arthur quickly gets over his nervousness in approaching you.

The bloodcurdling scream jolts him from sleep, making him stumble up from where he was sitting on a rickety chair in the main room of the old cabin. At first, he thinks it's a dream, but when the sound of breaking glass pierces the night, Arthur shoots up; the chair falling to the ground in a clatter as he quickly shakes the vestiges of sleep from his mind.

This abandoned cabin off of Eris Field seemed the perfect place to spend the night instead of making the trek all the way back to Shady Belle tonight - your yawning from behind him on his horse had him chuckling as he made the decision to stay - doing the gentlemanly thing and giving you the bedroom with the old single bed. As much as he’d like to be sharing it with you - he remained externally aloof - proclaiming that he’d sleep on the chair in the main room. He certainly did not dare to ask to share your bed - not now, probably not ever.

But the rustling and thumping behind the door where you sleep has his heart racing - his hand flies to his revolver as he readies himself to throw his shoulder into the door and shoot whatever it is that is making that noise, but the door bursts open before he gets the chance.

A man stands on the threshold - dirty, and grimy, with a faded gray woolen military uniform and a yellow bandana around his neck.

Of course, goddamn Lemoyne Raiders.

The raider holds up his knife in front of him, and in the din of movement and chaos around them, Arthur can see the liquid sheen over the steel in the man’s hand.

The knife, dripping with blood. The man, seemingly unharmed. The door, slightly ajar, to the bedroom where you slept.

A cold stone settles in Arthur’s gut as he puts the pieces together. In an instant, he snarls, diving toward the man with little regard for his own person, tackling him to the ground and ready to rip him apart with his bare hands for what he’s done to you. As Arthur mounts himself on the man’s chest and begins to strangle him, the movement knocks the oil lantern off the table, crashing to the wooden floor and immediately bursting into flame.

The man’s neck snaps between Arthur’s hands and he immediately leaps up, moving toward the bedroom where you were sleeping.

Another body crashes into him, a Lemoyne Raider dressed like he is straight out of a Civil War battle tackles Arthur to the ground, the two of them tumbling along the floor and breaking through the rickety door to the porch. Arthur rolls backward, unsheathing his hunting knife as he grits his teeth, ready to slice this damn bastard into shreds.

Of course, the wannabe soldier is no match for the hardened outlaw. They sure as hell don’t make them like they used to. Arthur easily dodges a swing of the man’s fist and throws his weight forward. He sinks his knife into the raider’s gut, and immediately shoves him to the ground. He gurgles blood from his mouth as Arthur rushes over him, back toward the house.

The flames burst out the windows as he barrels back toward the door, grabbing at the handle and cursing aloud as it burns him.

The constriction in his chest has settled into a churning in his gut as he prepared to kick the door in. At this point would he be finding your charred, lifeless body, having bled out on the floor because he couldn’t protect you?

“Arthur-!”

He steps off the porch, not sure if he is lightheaded or hallucinating, but you move toward him, hitching your skirts, blood covering your blouse, your hair wild.

“Jesus-” He crashes into you, having nearly leaped the final few steps, crushing you into his chest, nearly causing you to stumble.

He yanks you back, large hands on your shoulders, and looks you up and down, eyeing the blood patch on your blouse.

“N-not mine.” You breathe, but he does not move his hand from your ribcage. It presses inward, against the wet cotton, splaying across your side as if he did not believe you, checking for where the knife would have marred your flesh.

“Arthur-” You whisper, your hands tight on his biceps, “I’m alright.”

His eyes dart back up to yours, searching, pupils dilated, breathing heavily.

“Ar-”

You’re cut off completely as he pulls you against him and presses his lips desperately against yours, muffling your surprised yelp as his tongue demands entrance into your mouth. After a moment of shock, you melt into his embrace, fingers tightening on his shirt sleeves as you open your mouth to him.

He kisses you like you are the air he breathes. Like you are some kind of salvation… like he thought he almost lost something.

Arthur pulls back, breathing heavily, a flush having taken over his face, “Christ-” he goes to unwind his arms from you, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have-”

It’s his turn to be cut off as your hands immediately travel to the collar of his shirt and you pull him down to your lips to kiss him again, needy as you moan into his mouth.

His arms immediately recircle you, hands moving down from your ribs, down, down to your waist, your hips, your rear. Hooking his arms around the back of your thighs, you’re lifted up, squealing in surprise into his mouth as you wrap your legs around his waist.

Continuing to press into each other's mouths, you barely notice him walking the two of you back, further from the flaming cabin, into the woodline, and finally against a tree trunk a safe distance away. He pulls back, panting as you recline against it, his arms tight under your thighs.

He gazes upon your kiss-swollen lips; your heaving chest as you breathe heavily, your pupils blown wide in arousal. Arthur takes the opportunity to roll his hips once, his hardening cock pressing against your cunt, and your eyes flutter closed as a needy, breathy whine escapes your lips.

“Arthur-”

He does it again, maybe for his sake as much as your own, the blood rushing to his groin and filling his cock properly. He grits his teeth as the rolling becomes rutting, your gasps driving him insane.

Before he gets to the point of no return, he slows his hips and leans over to recapture your lips in another kiss. As he pulls his

“Thinkin’ you was dead back there-” He pushes his lips to yours again, “Christ- I… I never told you-”

One of his hands leaves your thighs, but you have no fear he’s going to drop you. He buries it in layers of cotton, pulling at your skirts to move them from his way, reaching your bloomers and pressing against your cunt, watching your face intently as you moan, the cotton separating you quickly dampening against his fingers.

He leans in again and groans against your neck. Grabbing the cotton tightly, he yanks until he feels the seams give way, the tearing sound ringing in his ears as he delves within the ruined fabric to your soaking folds. You jolt against him and whine loudly as he slides his fingers along the seam of your body.

Arthur covers your mouth with his own as he sinks his fingers into you, working you open as you clutch desperately at his shoulders.

After you’ve cried out several times in the night, his hand leaves you and you sigh at the loss, he shushes you gently as he works at the buttons of his trousers, finally freeing his cock from his pants after moments of fiddling. His hand returns to your thigh as he adjusts you in his arms. The head of his cock presses gently against the rim of your cunt.

Your hands move from his shoulders to cup his face, your thumb tracing his lower lip gently before he sucks the tip into his mouth, his eyes trained on yours.

He pulses his hips and his cockhead slips inside you. Your brows crinkle with the first vestiges of the ache of penetration, and he leans forward again to press his lips upon your forehead.

“What did you never tell me?” You whisper as he holds you on the cusp of joining, the precipice of sheathing himself into you.

One of his hands leaves your thigh, though you are completely unafraid of falling with your legs wrapped around him and the strength of his other arm. His fingers brush back a strand of your hair from your forehead, tucking it gently behind your ear before his rough and calloused palm rests on your cheek.

“You’d have died and I woulda never told you I’m in love with you.”

Your eyebrows raise in shock as you clutch at him, and while you remain silent, after a moment, you pull him closer with your legs, nudging his back with your ankles, and he slowly slides himself inside you, inch by inch, until your hips touch and you mewl with the stretch. He hums softly before slowly, gently, rocking his hips, starting a slow rhythm as you get used to him.

His powerful arms keep you suspended against the tree trunk with each roll of his hips, each glide of the inches of him in and out of you, well glossed and hot with your slick.

Arthur’s lips press to yours incessantly, muffling your gasps and whines as he presses into you. After one particularly deep thrust, you throw your head back in ecstasy, bumping against the trunk of the tree.

“Careful there, darlin’,” Arthur slows his hips, and tightening his grip on your thighs, he pulls you away from the tree, you yelp and tighten your legs around his hips. He chuckles softly as he walks you, still joined, a few steps from the tree and slowly lowers the both of you to the ground on a patch of grass. Spreading himself out over you, he buries his head against your neck as he lets go of your thighs, his forearms on either side of your shoulders, rocking his hips into yours again.

The staccato whine of the syllables of his name escapes you as you hook your ankles around each other over his back. Carding your hands through his hair, your fingers interweave between his honeyed strands, his hat long gone in your desperation to join yourselves.

He presses himself up above you as his thrusts become more erratic, his breathing loud and heavy as he pounds you into the ground.

“God-” you cry out as your hands grasp his shirt, “Arthur, yes-”

He squeezes his eyes shut tightly, looming over you as he careens toward completion.

You arch your back, your thighs wrapping tighter around him as you begin to babble - “Yes- Arthur… I love you too-”, another gasp as he hits that spot within you, “God - I love you so much-”

That’s it. There it is, stripped bare and bleeding out like an open wound, his heart catching in his chest at your confession, and his amazement leaves him speechless as he thrusts into you once more, holding himself as deep as he can possibly get into you, feeling you pulse and clutch around him, wailing your pleasure into the night. It’s only a moment more before he has the wherewithal to yank himself from you, in the nick of time as he spurts his seed over your cunt, dripping white into the dark curls at the joining of your legs.

He’s gasping, you’re gasping, and he groans as he settles himself to the side of you, barely able to hold himself up with the exertion. Your legs hang open as you pant, flushed from your cheeks down your neck.

One of his large hands spreads out over your chest, against your racing heart, and you turn your head toward him, breathing out through your nose as a smile graces your lips.

“Probably should get outta here before any more stragglers find us.” He says, out of breath as he removes his hand to tuck himself back into his trousers. You nod and sit up, pulling your skirts down over your legs.

“D’ya think…” you trail off as you watch him rebutton his pants before he pushes himself to stand. His hair is ridiculously ruffled from the amount of times you've run your fingers through it.

“Mm?” He holds out his hand to you to help you up.

You take it, and he pulls you up into his embrace, his hand secure on your lower back.

“Was wondering if we could spend the rest of the night in Rhodes or somewhere instead of heading all the way back to camp…” You ask as you lay a hand on his chest.

He squeezes you closer to him.

“Sounds mighty nice… certainly wouldn't mind a stay in a hotel room tonight.”

#red dead redemption 2 #arthur morgan #rdr2 #red dead fanfic #red dead redemption #arthur morgan smut #arthur morgan x female reader #arthur morgan x reader #twolafic #prompt request #red dead fandom #rdr2 fanfic #voluptatem

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chuuyrr · 1 year

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Hi! Idk if you also write for Poe but I rlly need some more oneshots or scenarios or fanfics of him 😞😞 but can you do something where we’re scarlet witch and Poe is our boyfriend? How would he react having a s/o who’s really strong and powerful? And how would he and ranpo and maybe other agency members feel about him having us as his girlfriend? Sorry if this isn’t specific enough! Idk what else to put in this request 😭

poe with a scarlet witch! s/o

bungo stray dogs x scarlet witch! reader

masterlist of the series

╰➤ CW(s): spoilers from bungo stray dogs (specifically season 2), headcanons + scenarios, major fluff content

╰➤ PAIRING(s): edgar allan poe

headcanons !

poe is socially awkward and timid by nature, but when he's with you, his dearly beloved, he's a tad different. poe is a lot more confident. his voice isn't as quiet, and it's full of love and respect for you.

i think you and poe are a match made in heaven. even your abilities go together.

poe's ability, black cat in the rue morgue, allows him to create a fantasy world governed by his own set of rules, with his own writings serving as the media.

you, on the other hand, have the ability to alter reality due to your possession of chaos magic as the scarlet witch.

you can even manipulate reality at a molecular level very similar to his, allowing you to recreate the fantasy world he creates in real life, which is incredible.

as the scarlet witch, or as an ability user with chaos magic, you are undeniably strong and powerful.

if you wanted, you could even go head-to-head with the port mafia executive who is renowned for his gravity manipulation abilities. you would win.

it truly astounds and somewhat frightens poe how the same red psionics you possess that can wreak havoc and alter reality can be so domestic and endearing when you use it to leviate him the cup of tea you made for him, or when you use it to leviate all sorts of kitchen utensils in the kitchen while you make him food.

you can be really frightening if you want to, especially if you have to fight. let's say you want to protect poe or another ability user.

poe is astounded by how quickly you transform from a sweet, kind, and somewhat shy darling into a straight-up violent force to be reckoned with.

i feel like poe would definitely be a little scared, because again, you're strong and powerful with such an ability, err, abilities?

but poe is mostly bewitched of his darling—like, you know how dazai stares at chuuya when he uses corruption?—poe has the same kind of gaze towards you whenever you use your chaos magic to the fullest.

oh, and being poe's beloved, he spoils you a lot. if poe sees you staring at a piece of clothing or jewelry, he'll get it for you in an instant. a manuscript worth millions is nothing compared to the things he buys.

i also think poe is a traditional type of lover. again, he lavishes you with gifts, and among them is a bouquet of your favorite flowers, as well as handwritten love letters and poems.

his poems might be cheesy but romantic, making you feel loved at all times. they are all about your smile, beauty, strength, and his vow and desire to love and be with you forever. poe finds your flushed cheeks and the soft giggle that escapes your lips cute as you read his poem or love letter.

being poe's beloved also entails being close to karl, which fills his heart with joy. karl actually likes you a lot. you enjoy cuddling and patting the little fella's head.

however, whenever karl clings to you more, it makes poe a little jealous, but it still amazes him (yet again) that you can easily read karl's thoughts with your special ability and communicate with him in the same way that he can, if not better.

scenario !

"you'll get him this time. i'm sure of it!"

poe had written yet another mystery novel to put his rival, edogawa ranpo, to the test once more. you both came to a halt in front of the office, you knocking because poe was shy, and it wasn't long before the door was opened.

"oh, it's poe-san!" atsushi exclaimed, "you must be looking for ranpo-san. come in, he's here!"

you trailed after poe as he entered the office, and that's when atsushi and the others realized he hadn't come sinply with karl.

all eyes were drawn to you at the same time. however, poe mistook it for everyone staring at him, prompting him to stick closer to your side, with karl, who was on his shoulder, transferring to yours instead, to which you responded by petting the top of karl's fluffy and soft head.

"hello and welcome! you must be poe-san's friend," atsushi said with a friendly smile, but he quickly realized how familiar you were, "hmm, but i feel like i've seen you before miss."

"huh, you're right atsushi-kun.." dazai exclaimed, blinking as he and the others stared at you.

but ranpo raised a brow them, "you guys seriously don't remember the three-way war?"

"three-way war?" kunikida tilted his head only for him to realize it, along with everyone, "!!!"

"i'm [surname] [name]. it's a pleasure to meet you, armed detective agency," you introduced yourself with a slight bow and a friendly smile.

"huh, i do remember seeing you during the guild war. as a matter of fact, we all did. you were there, saving everyone from the onslaught of the mind control ability that had gotten out of hand and rescuing civilians left and right," kunikida furrowed his brows.

"now that kunikida-san has mentioned it [name]-san, you were the one who saved me when i was being attacked while delivering the doll to dazai-san. you made me a forcefield and enhanced my speed with your psychic energy manipulation ability," atsushi recalled.

during the guild war, everyone remembered a young woman with [color] hair who had the ability to manipulate red psychic energy. although it was unclear whether the woman was on the guild's side or not, she had assisted numerous citizens and ability users during the incident. you played an important role in the yokohama incineration.

"ah, that? you guys flatter me too much! it wasn't a big deal. i just like to accompany and help out my boyfriend and people who need it with my wiggly-woos, that's all," you exclaimed, giggling and waving your fingers in the air.

with the exception of ranpo, who already knew the information, the armed detective agency members responded with a series of surprised looks and gasps.

"you're poe-san's significant other?!" atsushi proclaimed before bowing his head, "ah, i'm so sorry [name]-san! i didn't know!"

"mhm!" as you hummed and nodded in agreement, poe was shy by how everyone was reacting. poe blushed and turned away, holding your sleeve instead of your hand.

"well, that's.. certainly a big revelation.." dazai stated, blinking profusely.

"you guys are really idiots. idiots i say!" ranpo sighed, folding his arms across his chest, "how can [name]-chan not be poe-kun's significant other? just look at the way he sticks to her and holds her sleeve!"

"h-how are you the same person you were during the three-way war?" tanizaki asked, his sweat dripping as he remembered you being terrifying with the way your eyes and fingertips glowed red with power, your hair flowing in the breeze as you floated in the middle of the sky, and a serious expression on your face.

"what do you mean?" you tilted your head in confusion, laughing a little at his comment.

everyone was dumbfounded by your cluelessness, their sweat even dropping.

"i agree with you. sometimes my darling can be so clueless at how powerful and strong she can be with her ability," poe sighed, shaking his head as he handed his new manuscript to ranpo, "but regardless, i love [name]."

"heh, that's real sweet of you poe-kun," said ranpo before taking a look at his manuscript with a smile on his features.

[ author's notes ! you inspired me to take on scarlet witch! reader x bungo stray dogs characters, so don't apologize. i also think the request was good, so yeah !! i also think you're right. there isn't much bsd! poe content in here, so let me fix that for you by adding a new one on the list out here hihi. thank you so much. hope you enjoyed reading this <3 ]

#bungo stray dogs x reader #bungo stray dogs x you #poe x reader #poe x reader bsd #bsd x reader #bsd oneshot #bsd imagines #bsd x y/n #bsd x you #bsd headcanons #bungou stray dogs x you #bungou stray dogs x reader #bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs headcanons #scarlet witch reader

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destinygoldenstar · 11 months

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Is Screen Time An Issue For A Character?

That’s a tough one.

I see quite a few arguments about some shows I’ve watched that ‘oh, this character is bad because they have too much screen time’. Or ‘I wish this character had more screen time to be interesting.’

Basically, too much screen time is now a valid critique to describe why a character is bad or doesn’t work for you. And to that I say…

Uh… no?

I’ll give some examples where I see this critique, but for now I want to state a case of examples where I expected to see this critique online, but didn’t, and I wondered why.

SPOILERS BELOW FOR THE SPIDERVERSE SEQUEL:

The main character of the Spiderverse movies is Miles Morales. Clear as day if you see ANY promotional concept art. The movies nail that home and give you a solid POV character among the Multiverse chaos.

The sequel begins with an over twenty minute backstory sequence involving Gwen Stacy, a side character in the first movie.

(Fun fact: When me and my dad went to see it in theaters together, he said that backstory was over twenty minutes long and that he thought they could've trimmed it down. Animated-phobia gives you weird opinions. He didn't watch Arcane with me and thought nothing of it because 'it was an animated show'. Not kidding.) (Both of my parents are like this, sadly.)

Now, in the context of the movie, it makes sense to include this to understand the full POV of her character going forward. As she is pretty vital to the story.

I tried imagining a version of the movie where we DIDN'T get this intro, went straight to Miles, and we just had to put the pieces together involving Gwen and her actions. And I don't think the movie would've worked nearly as well.

This brings me to another point involving Gwen Stacy in this movie: She's kind of become a protagonist as well, next to Miles.

Is this screen time theft? Under the screen time critique, it probably would seem that way.

And yet nobody I've seen complains. If anything, this solidified her as one of the best movie adaptations of Gwen Stacy out there. In my opinion.

Unlike the first movie, this one is not driven by the narrative of the main character, but rather multiple.

This is not uncommon. And it's an even bigger case with Arcane.

Yeah, this show is phenomenal everyone who says so is right Jinx is an icon Vi is my cartoon crush next to Petra I was crying so hard at the ending and for that alone this show deserves every ounce of praise it gets and I'm kind of an Arcane stan-

*Inhales*

I think I just have a thing for dystopian stories where characters walk through hell.

(Yes I consider TD a dystopian setting, that'd be a nice hot take to tackle one day.)

The Hunger Games is my favorite dystopian setting that I've seen, just because it's very memorable and inspiring. But Arcane is objectively the best dystopian story out there. If I fade out of my Total Drama obsession, this show might be my next target.

Cupcakes. El fin.

I could stop there, but lets talk about why we're here.

Arcane does not focus on the two main characters only as the driving force of its narrative.

Advertisement tell you that our main characters are the two growing war machines who go around calling each other sisters, Vi and Powder (Jinx. Idk how mad people get for which name I use for her. Sorry if I offend you). In fact, there's evidence to back that up. Other than they're the people with dyed hair, that's instant main character. They're the first characters we meet in the entire show. They're the characters with the final scene that closes off the season. EVERY ending to an act is with them. They're the main characters. Boom.

But wait. Nearly TWO THIRDS of this show doesn't even focus on them!

We have all the Piltover characters we keep switching back to. Jayce, Viktor, Mel, Caitlyn for Act 2 pretty much, Silco kind of becomes his own protagonist in Act 3. Really, the only people who remain consistent side characters are Ekko, and the two boys that get blown to pieces by Powder. And... some other people I'm forgetting the names of. (Sorry, I only had two watch throughs of this show so far and I know nothing about League other than the sisters become enemies.)

Now, why?

Why is this the case? I'm not saying characters other than our mains don't get fleshed out at all, but to the point where they're basically major enough to carry their own show? That SOUNDS like a detriment to the story if anything, especially how unfocused it kind of all gets until the end where everyone's in the same room.

Had Vi or Jinx interact with these characters, their fleshing out makes sense, and you definitely see that with characters like Caitlyn and Silco, who kind of need them to function.

But the Piltover gang? Jinx doesn't meet them at all, neither of the sisters meet Viktor, and Vi does meet Jayce, but in Episode 8 of 9.

Why does nobody complain about this? If anything, these guys are stealing screen time.

Well, it turns out, this is all done in Arcane's benefit, rather than fault. We are all the protagonist of our own story, and there are multiple POVs regarding the world.

It's basically if Hunger Games was third person instead of first, and we actually got a chance to flesh out the other rebels/children.

Me personally, and I know I'm not the only one out there, but the sisters were the most interesting thing about the show, and other characters that talk to them were how they caught my attention. That in no way means I don't care for anyone though, and it's COMPLETELY a PERSONAL thing.

So whenever we DO focus on the sisters and their story, not only do we get these other POVS on the scene that could clash with our view of them, but it makes it so that EVERY. SCENE. MATTERS.

No scene is wasted in fleshing out the sister's story. Everything has a purpose and drives it all to one heartbreaking simulation. There's no wasted space, there's no lack of attention to a certain detail, darn it, it's just right.

(I mean, I guess I would've liked to see what they went through in that time skip, like how Jinx was raised by Silco and processed her new identity, or better yet how tf Vi survived prison when it's heavily implied she beat people to a pulp and got solitary multiple times. But I think Season 2 is gonna cover it.)

Seriously, imagine a version of this show real quick.

Imagine a version of the show that took the Hunger Games approach, and used first person POV on one of the two sisters, doesn't matter which one, they'd both work. Cut out scenes not involving that sister. The other characters that appear revolve around scenes they're in with that sister.

Would that work nearly as well?

I don't think so.

Now First Person POV isn't necessarily a bad thing. Danganronpa is first person. Minecraft Story Mode is first person. Those are probably not great examples, but it can work. (TDDRI, a fic of mine, is first person, and I had to work around that to flesh out everyone else. It can work.)

This show is very hot topic and weirdly paced than what I'm used to. So take everything with a grain of salt as I am nowhere near an expert with this show. The show's story doesn't even get started until Episode 4, as the first three episodes are all flashback to explain where our characters are and why they're motivated to do what they do.

Again, I tried imagining a version of this show where we DIDN'T get those first three episodes, we started with Episode 4, and we just had to ASSUME all the backstory involving the sisters and the titular arcane and put the pieces together through Vi's words and Jinx's hallucinations. I don't think we would have been nearly as invested.

So with these two examples, WHY does nobody complain about screen time involving a character?

Is it because they're just really good pieces of media? Or is there a reason for this?

After all, Spiderverse and Arcane fall under the category of an 'ensemble cast'. A cast of characters in a story where there is no titular main character to drive the narrative, and everyone does instead. It's like if Harry Potter was 'Hogwarts' instead, or some title like that.

But lets take a look at some examples of ensemble casts where there's been a complaint of some sort with screen time:

Total Drama and RWBY.

Now I only like one of these two shows, so I'm gonna put that aside for now.

Total Drama. It has an ensemble cast. The show is about teenagers suffering-I mean competing for a prize, eliminating each other bit by bit as it goes along. Naturally with that setup, early boots are left to dry. But that doesn't stop people from complaining.

Ezekiel gets the most flack for too little screen time, and major fanboys say he should've had more focus. Personally I don't get that based on what role he's deigned to play. Caleb is a more recent example. I thought he was gonna have a bigger role and character than he ended up having, and him being a first boot gag makes even less sense than Zeke. Dawn is a fan favorite who isn't even in that many episodes. Axel is a ripoff of Shawn because of her lack of screen time. Scary Girl is... Scary Girl, who I don't see the fuss about her little screen time as she's comic relief, but the complaint is there. There is SO MUCH bashing about Noah's lack of screen time it is not even funny. So much so that he's sharing screen time with another person.

And who is to blame for this: Well, the characters who make it really far into the game, or course! How dare they steal screen time away from these guys!

I feel like Ripper is the most recent example of this. His character arc was about him breaking a world record. He broke it. It's Episode 5. Now he can leave the show, right-

Nope. He's around till Episode 8. Out of 13. And even then, in Episode 13, he's Millie's partner, which means screen time.

It sounds unjustified because it is. I'm not the biggest Ripper hater, but I definitely see the complaints. (Ripper and Damien swapping places are the only part of the elimination order I would change. Everything else is pretty spot on.)

We already have MK as a pre-merge antagonist and Julia as a post merge antagonist, we don't need this rando bully character as well as it adds nothing. Maybe Ripper would've been better liked if he wasn't a bully and just some morally average comic relief guy, but also... probably not.

But he's not the only fart based character in this show that gets complaints about screen time. Here's where I talk about the first gen.

For what I have seen, the ones with the biggest screen time complaints are Owen, Duncan, and Beth. I don't count Heather cause it's on purpose. I count Sierra because it's a personal gripe I have.

Owen was the original winner of TDI, came back on the show in the second season for a mole subplot nobody likes, and merged season three. He and Noah also got a spinoff.

Beth was the finalist of TDA.

And everyone hates it, including myself.

Then there's Duncan. Easily the character the show focuses on the most. Season 1? 4th place. Season 2? Winner. Season 3? Gone half the season so he's only in 8 episodes not counting what he didn't compete in, but he scored 5th overall. Season 5? Weakest performance, but he still merged. That's 8th place by the way.

By far, THIS is the character in this show that gets the MOST horrendous flack for his screen time. And from what I've learned, if you think this, you probably hate Duncan as a character.

Like, I haven't watched Winx, but I saw videos on YouTube that made fun of Bloom for getting too much screen time.

Somebody do those but with Duncan! I'm not a Duncan hater, but I would like to get a laugh!

So it'd just be easy to say the writers played favorites, it was an issue, and be done with it, right?

Except no.

My GF watched World Tour just recently. (And she was mixed on it.) Her comments regarding Duncan and Gwen were that she wished they had more interactions to sell them (she was routing AGAINST Duncney, basically) and it didn't help that Duncan was gone half the season. She said that it would've helped all the characters involved if he stayed to flesh that out.

To that I went: "Huh. That's interesting how you take no issue with this character's screen time."

But why though? She's not a stan of him, she's a casual viewer, so that can't be it.

And that's when it hit me.

Beth and Sierra. These two make it through an entire season each. And we both collectively hate them as characters. And we hate seeing them on screen.

That's because it's what the characters DO with their screen time.

See what I'm talking about:

Season 1: Duncan is an established character that develops relationships and friendships and learns to open up to people outside of his comfort bad boy zone.

Trent spends 16 episodes sitting still and looking pretty with a guitar. (Okay that's probably not a great example, and I don't hate Trent, but you kinda get it)

Season 2: Duncan is dealing with revenge on Harold for his spoiled relationship with Courtney where he gets abused by her, fights to hold his own, and dumps her.

Beth spends the entire season talking about a fake boyfriend and cheating on it.

Season 3: Duncan, again, is only competing in 8 episodes out of 26, but what does he do? He establishes a new relationship with Gwen, gets her cancelled, forms a friendship with Alejandro, and gets played.

Sierra is there the entire season sexually harassing Cody and passing it off as quirky. We hate to see it. (Seriously, you guys think the love triangle is worse than this? My GF and I agreed we would rather watch the love triangle ten times again, over Sierra being on screen at all.)

What's the difference here? STORY.

Certain characters have story to follow, that NEEDS that screen time to work. Ironically, the plotline of Duncan's that comes across the least genuine, is the season where he's on screen the least. (Not counting All Stars, but they're kind of equal in episodes Duncan's in.)

Again, imagine if we never had that backstory sequence of Gwen Stacy. Yes it eats up screen time, but without it? She would come across as an ingenuine traitor who supposedly ditched her dad for some cool spider society. We NEEDED that sequence.

Duncan is always doing something when the screen is focused on him.

The reason Beth and Sierra don't work despite having all the screen time in the world is that they do NOTHING with the screen time they get. Nothing of value at least. We could've learned a lot about their origins, Beth's underdog status, or Sierra's fanclub, flesh them out as dynamic characters to route for, with different sides of them that slip through time to time that gets the audience thinking.

Nope. Sexual harassment makes up for all of that. (I question why I put up with this show sometimes.)

That would be the case and that's the answer, just do something with your screen time and you're free to have as much as you want.

Except there's ANOTHER key to the puzzle here.

Duncan is in the top 4 of the TD cast for a reason.

He's a main character.

Something Jaune Arc is not.

Hello nemesis my old friend.

Look, I respect people who like RWBY. People can feel any way they want to about a show. Opinions are valid.

If you think Arcane is the worst show ever made, that's valid.

If you think Velma is the best show ever made, that's valid.

It's all VALID.

With that said I think this show is an absolute trainwreck when it comes to writing characters.

Now hold on before you say I hate everything about it, I don't. This show does have SOME merits to it. The music is stellar and I actually listen to the soundtrack from time to time. For a limited budget animation, it's impressive. The choreo is neat. I want these weapons. I actually like quite a few of the side characters. Keep in mind I said side.

But what I look for in a good show is a compelling story and interesting characters to follow.

Something this show just does not have in my opinion.

I keep saying I'll do an analysis post on why Team RWBY are awful protagonists, but I've been busy and my plate has not emptied. But one of my main points regarding them is screen time.

Keep in mind, I've only seen fully up to Season 8. I've only seen clips of Season 9, so whatever I say about 9 may not be accurate.

Team RWBY are the main characters of the show, and yet they have not done a single main character thing throughout EIGHT SEASONS. It's kind of incredible.

If I didn't know the name of the show but saw a clip, I'd assume the main character was Jaune, or Oscar, more on them later.

What have these girls contributed in the battle of Salem's forces?

Season 1: Blake helped stop a robbery. Not even all four of them, just Blake. (So did Sun and Penny.)

Season 2: They broke into the White Fang's secret operation and busted a train into the city to fight off some Grim, in time for Team CFVY to wipe them out. (Those characters appear TWICE in the ENTIRE show, this is the first time. Just to speak my point.)

Season 3: Yang got framed for assault which helped the bad guys. Ruby watched Pyyra die and she blasted an eyeball off Cinder.

Season 4: UH...

Season 5: They housed Oscar, they met Raven, and they took place in the battle of Haven where Yang got the relic. (So did Oscar, JNR, Qrow)

Season 6: They took the relic to Atlas. (So did Oscar, JNR, Qrow)

Season 7: They lied to the general about vital information that could've helped them get one on Salem, and doomed all of Atlas.

Season 8: They caused the death of a kingdom and fell through a hole.

Season 9: UH... (That's not me not knowing what happened in 9, they just climbed out of the hole, basically, as the season has nothing to do with Salem's forces.)

Now, because the main characters are not involved with the main plot very much, does that make them bad?

No. There ARE ways to utilize them outside of driving the external plot.

Some stories are Character vs Self, Internal Conflict. The basis of this show's story is that these kids who grew up to be military soldiers are learning that their lives and the world is not a fairy tale, and they're not the good guys. That SOUNDS like the show is all about internal conflict, right?

Well it's not.

I mean, they DO realize this and make a morally questionable choice with consequences they regret.

In Season SEVEN.

And even THEN, they're treated by gods themselves like they've done nothing wrong!

If you ask me, it should have happened a LONG time ago.

What internal conflicts do these girls have?

Ruby is a naive prodigy who wants to be a huntress and live out a fairy tale reality. And she lives out that dream. Then Pyyra dies and she loses that home. And then she's back to fairy tale land, just doing more crimes and hating authority. And I GUESS she learned a lesson in 9...? I just saw her as depressed.

Weiss is an heiress of a rich company trying to overthrow rule of her father, who hates her. She hates Faunus. She learns not to hate Faunus. And she gains a lot of powers.

Blake is part of a civil rights movement with Faunus and she likes assaulting her own kind and burning their homes. She also has an abusive boyfriend and kills him with a girlfriend by her side.

Yang lost her mommy and wants to find her. She loses her arm. She finds her mommy but doesn't give a s**t because plot. She also gets a girlfriend.

That's like Vi and Jinx's reunion, only they didn't care about seeing each other again after years, they just pointed fists and guns at each other and said, "Where's the arcane?! Where's Silco?! I'm not here for you, I have a police GF now!" "I'm not here for you, I just wanted an easy route to blast Piltover to pieces! Mwahaha!"

See where I'm going with that?

Internal conflict is a key to making characters screen time worth while.

But lets face it, Team RWBY not having very well established internal/relevance to the external conflict is not the full reason why this is a problem with their screen time.

It's their lack thereof.

Three quarters of every season, they're just sitting at some random place that's not even pretty to look at, and the SIDE CHARACTERS do all the plot relevant stuff.

See why I like the side characters better?

Lets look at that chart again:

Season 1: Sun and Penny stopped that robbery.

Season 2: Team CFVY stopped the Grim invasion.

Season 3: Pyyra's story and downward spiral to her death.

Season 4: Nora and Ren the season.

Season 5: Oscar. The tribe.

Season 6: Oscar again as he's responsible for the exposition involved in that season.

Season 7: Ironwood's descent into insanity AND Penny's descent into accidental heroism.

Season 8: Both those characters die. Everyone dies.

Season 9: ...okay, good point, there was no one else.

Okay so maybe Season 9 gets a pass, but the others? Can you really put Team RWBY in a plot summary?

And that's just external conflict talking, let's talk the MAIN CHARACTER with the INTERNAL conflicts throughout the ENTIRE show.

Jaune Arc.

A SIDE character, voiced by one of the writers, has some of the most plotlines to follow due to his internal struggle and conflict in this new war throughout the entire show.

He has something to do in MOST of the seasons of this show. Not unlike Duncan. The only time I think he didn't have anything going on was Season 7.

In the very first season, Jaune has an entire character arc surrounding him trying to find his inner strength with a one off bully character as an antagonist. That sounds fine, so what's the issue?

This character arc takes up FOUR episodes out of 16. A WHOLE QUARTER OF THE SEASON.

"Well, maybe those episodes cut away to other people at some points-"

No. They don't. It's all Jaune in all these episodes.

Season two is less so Jaune focused, but he has a little subplot surrounding letting go of his feelings for Weiss and finding another girl who would gladly take him. I guess it's priority respect because Neptune was into Weiss at the time? But those two wound up never being a thing, so...

The whole time I thought Weiss was just asexual, but then 9 came in to screw that idea.

Season three focuses on Pyyra, Jaune's love interest, and therefore he's vital to her story and her thought process, so much so that the big angst moment in the season is with him and their death kiss.

Season four and five are focused on Jaune's thirst for revenge on Cinder, a member of Salem's forces, for killing Pyyra. He learns about Salem's forces along the way, makes his own opinion about all this lore, and decides to help out due to his personal necessity.

Wow. He has an internal conflict going on, AND he's active with the external conflict. HMM...

Season six is him letting go of his grief after his moral failure from the Battle of Haven nearly getting Weiss killed. And also he pins Oscar to the wall because why not. It's brief but it's also a full on character arc.

Season eight, he kills Penny, a girl he has never interacted with before this point, and he's a grieving mess. So much so that season nine also includes Jaune dealing with MULTIPLE grieving instances and personal failures.

Everyone else got a seasonal break from the story, and yet Jaune could not.

Now, is this a screen time issue?

Yes.

But NOT for the reasons you might think.

Let's go off of Duncan again, a character with a major status in the show's story and conflict from day one. He was designed that way.

Jaune was not designed that way. BUT I don't actually hate his story for the screen time he gets. In fact, he's probably one of the most interesting characters in the show because there's so much time dedicated to his struggle and his story.

The elephant in the room isn't because Jaune has a story.

It's because the main characters don't have a story.

Again, Arcane, that show focuses on a LOT of characters that aren't Vi and Jinx. You could argue Jayce is the Jaune in their universe. But why does it work? Because there is NOT a neglect of characterization of the leads.

In RWBY, there's a serious neglect issue.

And it's not just Jaune. There are other side characters who've been stealing time away from the leads.

Oscar, ever since he debuted Season 4, has been devoted to screen time stealing, and stealing the main character status with a Chosen One narrative and a pretty offensive way of portraying Multiple Personality Disorder. He's the one with the chosen one story, he's the one who interacts with the bad guys, he's toe to toe with Ironwood, he's the one related to Salem, and he does all of it with the personality of a hollow pine tree.

I mean I guess he also has a crush on Ruby, but... I don't want to get into that.

Hell, CINDER, an ANTAGONIST of the show, has more conflict and screen time than the leads. And she's one of my least favorite characters in the entire show, isn't that sweet?!

On top of that, she's a VILLAIN. We shouldn't be routing for her!

Then there's the rest of JNPR. Nora and Ren have a season focused on them, that being season 4. Pyyra is the same case with season 3. Pyyra dies in that season, so she's obviously not getting screen time any further. But Ren and Nora are alive, AND they have a subplot in the Atlas arc. Having a subplot isn't a problem, it just becomes jarring when the main characters don't have an arc and they do.

Penny gets revived and dies in the Atlas arc. That's also a thing.

The fix here should be really simple! Swap roles! Have the side characters sit in the houses with their little arcs, and have Team RWBY on the fields reacting to everything. It wouldn't excuse their lack of inner struggle, but at least they'd be involved with the plot.

There are many ways you could fix this. Like Oscar's role of being related to Salem. Ruby's mom is dead, but like, what if her mom was Salem and was taken out in war and revived/corrupted into this monster figure? That'd be an interesting narrative.

And RWBY is not the only show, the previous season of Pretty Cure, Delicious Party, ALSO has this issue. And arguably they did it worse because I don't even care for the side characters there either. I'd be repeating myself with criticism there:

Yui, the supposed main character, has no character trait other than be a glutton and a stand in for her grandmother, the other Cures are also irrelevant to the plot and just spend their time eating. The boys of this magical girl show are the focus and have all the wishy washy plotlines, and none of them are even that interesting.

I will give RWBY this over Delicious Party to prove I can see its merits:

At least they only have ONE forth wall narration and do know boundaries to that stuff, as opposed to Delicious Party that thinks their viewers are IDIOTS, and needs a narrator to explain EVERYTHING. CONSTANTLY.

(What a new low for that franchise, am I right? At least we have Hirogaru Sky.)

So what have we learned here?

To answer the question: Is Screen Time An Issue For A Character?

No. It's not that simple.

It's what the character DOES with that screen time that matters. And their role in the story that warrants this screen time.

They need to have all the details of their story laid out for you to care about them.

They need every scene involving their story to matter.

They need to have a plotline that justifies the screen time, small role or big role.

They need to be involved with the main story if they are a major character.

They need an internal conflict to keep the time on them engaging.

They need to be doing something.

If they are a minor character, additional screen time is not a bad thing.

A minor character with a lot of screen time could be there to advance the world building, they could be heavily connected to major character, relationship or otherwise.

But the minor characters don't become favorites and neglect focus on the people the story is revolving around.

First Person POV is a difficult storytelling technique when it comes to screen time, but it's not a bad tool. It can be used as a certain perspective for every character involved if done properly.

And just... screen time alone isn't a valid criticism in my opinion. It's WAY more complicated than that.

What's your opinion? Reblog your thoughts, I'm very curious, especially with media with this issue I did not cover.

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phasebun · 6 months

Note

Heyooo :) Enjoy your trip, friend! Just passing by, like the other anons, to thank you for sharing your wonderful BG3 OC creations with us! They are one of a kind AND top notch, indeed. Was wondering, how does the 'creative' process for each character start for you/what inspires you? How long does it take to come up with the 'final' result so to say? What are your favorite BG3 OCs that you've created/the one that took you longest? PS: that mods list/non-personals would be RLY appreciated <333

You are so sweet to meeee ｡°(°.◜ᯅ◝°)°｡♡♡♡!!! Thank you for such kind words, I hope a great laugh comes your way and you laugh so hard, you can't breath, and you end up just laughing more, a good laugh ♡ no but tysm!!! It's really fun to me and it kinda catches me off guard but it's heartwarming that you enjoy my chaos as well.

[long post---should I even keep saying sorry at this point x.x]

I’ll try not to trail off and really just answer your questions LOL I love my beans so much.

My creative process is a bit sporadic tbh. I'm unsure if you meant their design or their "lore" so I'll assume design (me after flipflopping more times than I should've)

I can be mid-game and something I want to try will pop up. I always keep their classes in mind (I like experimenting in combat) and dnd lore ( I have NO clue until bg3, minus what most would know/most viral info about dnd lore). Sometimes I can see a mod I like, and instantly want to make a character off of it. ( Both Illios and Ik’mil was birthed cause of the Myrkul scar being made and I went "I gotta use this". lmao (that and I was already in love with the idea of siblings being tadpoled together.

Honestly, I just let my emotions/mind tinker at their designs. Once I know what kind of OC I want (who they are/race/at least a detail of their past), I fit their design off of that. Music also helps me figure out the direction I want to go for their appearance. Music helps me creatively in many areas, especially music without words. I really can't figure out a way to put it other than I just let the energy I feel carry over LOL Dnd lore helps me a bit in their design as well.

My inspiration for their design usually comes from the lore I give them tbh as well as dnd lore/the actual lore within the game itself. When I make them I keep in mind: color combos I enjoy, aesthetics, subcultures, etc. I do enjoy the story, I just create my own world within it. I usually search for mods to fit the identity I need them to portray if I can't work with what I have. And I MILK what I have. I want my OC to fit the narrative of taking over the brain, but in my eyes (now that I've played for 1k hours), the number of people being tadpoled was more than just the few we meet in the pods. So anybody could've landed.

Their design also has to fit the personality I've given them, and I tend to use pieces of my own and the personalities that I know lol~ It’s all perspective to me/my imagination is really in control lol so much fun personally-

My "final results time" honestly varies tbh. Ares was so instant cause I knew immediately the look I needed for my first guy Durge. Green skin/orange hair. I HAD to have someone with green skin and I've done so in multiple games with character creation LOL idk. From there, I just experimented with shades and such until he came together. His lore grew as I developed him/who he is. (Yi’laae was pretty easy as well since I was just editing an origin chara at the time—her actual background honestly came to me down the line lmao). I just knew the image of a princess I wanted my prince to have. Plus, after looking into the lore of Tymora and clerics/etc--it all came her image grew/developed. Sometimes I'll start with a place they're from within dnd/how someone in that world would exist and build from that.

Some final results for problem characters will take about 3?ish days maybe. From experience so far. It could be lack of resources (increased by my own doing), something not clicking/no bond whatsoever~ etc. Sometimes, some OCs are literally just birthed cause I wanted to create a new character, and their design came out yummy. So now I want to build them up even more, think about who they could've been, etc.

Solene didn't click for the longest. I couldn't settle on a face and an energy for her. I knew the aesthetic I wanted, so I had to love her look. (I've had a lady Durge before, my first playthrough, so I also needed Sol to be diferent) Ra'mi was difficult as well after making a monk OC I fell in love with. ( Ra'mi HAD to exist because I am a bunny mom who is IN LOVE WITH HER SWEET BUN BOY ♡) . I reaaaally need to love my OCs so they have to fit my preferences. Guys are much easier for me than the girlies because of my own doing ngl.

Choosing just one OC is sooo hard. I'll put their lore to the side and only focus on design, and even then that's hard. I'll answer this emotionally LMFAO sooo-- Illios tbh. I was stuck on an older brother for Ik'mil, who was already a Necromacer of Myrkul, the Lord of Bones. Diablo 4's necromancers are sooooooo well designed. My bf had one tbh. ( Diablo 4 has some reallllllllyyy amazing character designs in general to me~~ I used the soundtrack to make some of my OCs lol).Illios isn't as decayed/looks different in different lighting, but I love love love how he came out. Especially as my cleric of Myrkul ♡

I really love Paemon's design as well. He’s really just shades of colors I love, especially the greens, with an added horror I like.

ദ്ദി ˉ͈̀꒳ˉ͈́ )✧ ♡ ♡ ♡ I appreciate you

#anon #um ew I hate looking at how long this is rofl HUH

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tsumucore · 4 years

Note

Headcanons for the type of tiktokers some of the boys would be? Bahejwjsjsbdbd sorry I couldn’t think of anything else.

I LOVE THIS REQUEST

Oikawa

YOU ALREADY KNOW… The most obvious one to try his hand at tiktok, eventually snagging a spot on the for you page, and blowing up overnight.

He’s cute, charming, and fun which is an instant recipe for success on this app. He especially uses this to his advantage when making povs. His povs are captivating to watch and vary in range (I imagine them to be like the user lilyisalilsleepy’s povs)

Doja Cat is currently his favorite artist and he knows every word to “Rules” (this is a FACT he told me so himself)

HAS to learn every dance and try almost every challenge or trend. Iwaizumi is ready to throttle him if he has to hear the words “did a full 180″ or “put a finger down … edition” one more time.

Often ropes Iwaizumi into joining him during dances, much to the latter’s dismay. Iwa will just stand awkwardly, blushing furiously and cursing Oikawa’s name into the void. He garners quite a bit of attention in the comments section with users constantly asking what his name was and if he was single or not.

Sugawara

Gains quite a following for his aesthetically pleasing tiktoks. He likes creating grwms, morning/nightly routines, paint/draw with mes, current playlists, mini aesthetic montages set to lofi or soft indie music, etc. Just very therapeutic and pretty content.

He abuses the bling and G6 filters, especially during golden hour.

Sometimes he’ll post tiktoks of him attempting some of the dances, then messing up as he laughs cutely and hides his face behind his hands which makes his audience go wild. Don’t be fooled; he knows exactly what he’s doing.

His pretty, soft boy vibe is what draws so many people into hitting the follow button and constantly refreshing his page to see if he’s posted since the last time they checked (me too tf)

His most popular tiktok was when he hopped on the “I just flipped the switch” trend and transformed himself from soft boy to eboy… It was reported that screams were heard all across the globe that day.

Lev

He caught wind of the tiktok hype from other social media platforms. After constantly watching youtube compilations of tiktoks, he finally decided to download the app itself.

His tiktoks are kind of like mini vlogs where he just showcases the daily shenanigans that occur in Nekoma and people eat it uP.

PRANKS!!! He and Yamamoto will team up together to try popular pranks which often results in Kuroo being the victim of said pranks. They tried playing one on Kenma once, which did not end well for them. To this day, they shiver in fear at the thought of trying to pull a fast one on Kenma ever again.

Absolutely 100% convinces the rest of the team to do the Jojo Pose trend. Their favorite anime scenes to recreate are from Naruto and Demon Slayer.

AYO WASIAN CHECK… You know he’s done it.

Tendou

One word: chaos. His page is a mixture of random clips of his teammates clowning around to EBOY (yes, you heard me) outfit checks to cursed memes.

I know in my heart that this man was destined to be an eboy. I can feel it in my bones. He’s done all the typical eboy tiktoks, such as close ups of his chains and dangly cross earrings.

Once he decided to pull a fast one on the team. They were mulling around, waiting to start practice in the gym, when he connected his bluetooth to the gym’s speakers. “The giant horse cock weighs over 11 pounds,” blared through the speakers.

Ushijima blinked at him, Goshiki nearly fainted, Semi almost knocked the phone that was recording their reactions out of his hand, Shirabu called him an idiot, Reon ignored him, and Kawanishi and Yamagata aimed their spikes at him.

So you know that trend where people photoshop themselves throwing it back on anime characters? He does that.

Atsumu + Osamu

Originally, they had refused to have a joint page. But when Atsumu found out how much attention twins garnered, he went right ahead and created a page under both of their names.

Even though they have a joint page, their content couldn’t be anymore different. Atsumu created the most chaotic content that consisted of pranks, challenges, and clips of him doing cool moves during volleyball practice. Osamu opted for creating cooking tiktoks and clips of him playing games such as Animal Crossing (I know he plays animal crossing I KNOW he does)

They do come together to do that trend where they close their eyes and their parents have to point out which one is the sneakier one, more responsible one, the one with the better grades, etc.

I think it’d be the funniest thing ever if Atsumu couldn’t dance. Imagine Osamu desperately trying not to lose his sanity as he attempts to teach him how to do Renegade. “IT’S NOT THAT FUCKING HARD SWING SNAP ROCK *deep breath* Ok from the top.”

Atsumu may not know how to dance, but he CAN throw it back. He gets down to “Juicy” by Doja Cat every now and then (every time I listen to that song I always think of Atsumu and idk wHY)

BONUS:

Who can’t work tiktok to save their life/doesn’t understand the hype: Kageyama, Ushijima, Matsukawa, Futakuchi, Kita, Sakusa, Kunimi

Who downloaded it as a joke at first but is now regretting it because oh my god it’s 5am and they’ve been scrolling through an endless loop for a week straight now: Tsukishima, Kindaichi, Asahi, Kuroo, Semi, Suna

.°• rules ₊˚•. masterlist ₊˚•.

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woahajimes · 3 years

Text

So I have this little headcanon (well,,,, not really a headcanon but more of a nice-to-think-about headcanon because it would never happen but it’s- like the title- nice to think about so im sharing it here) in which they’re all going to the beach in this sorta mini-van that bruce rented. And take in mind that this is the wayne family, but at the same time most people that wear a bat on their chest,,,, so they had to whack some things up.

BUT ANYWAYS, it was Bruce’s dumbass idea to buy a van and call it a road-trip, and honestly? no one was ready. That usually happens with big families, even with one that has most kids over 18. And how everyone was on board with the idea doesn’t matter because this is my headcanon and they are all now squished in a minivan and there are bags in the back and towels in the seats and there’s a cooler on top because it didn’t fit.

and just for reference the van was like SMALL. it was sort of like the school buses but way smaller, so they’re like buses in which there are three seats in front, driver, and then like two others (the middle one doesn’t really count because that’s where you put waterbottles and stuff). There’s a sort of space in the back, where you usually put the backpacks (these are like elementary school buses and every single kid has those backpacks with wheels and it’s a pain in the ass-) and then there is another set of four seats (that’s more like a sofa but no armrest- god please have patience there is literally not a single image on google im trying to be specific- and those are facing the back of the bus (so the backrest (?) is facing the place with the bags).

THEN we have another seat that’s close to this one but facing the opposite way but it’s only THREE seats so there’s a space for the next row of three seats and then there’s the back one that’s four again.

In conclusion, you can fit 18-ish people, driver counted.

and continuing with my story, it’s Bruce driving, Alfred as shotgun, a water-bottle or two in the middle, the bags in their respective places... and then...

disaster.

Babs is the only one sitting in the four-seat closer to the bags, harper is in the three-seat, Dick is there as well.

and then there’s the rest. Steph, Cass, Duke, Jason, Tim, Damian, they’re all screaming in the back and they’re throwing towels around and there’s an “OW! THAT WAS MY HAIR YOU DICKHEAD!” and a “THAT’S MINE!” and so many other things because. the back of the bus, it’s cURSED. And Bruce is just driving with a strained smile because he wants so badly to turn around and throw a waterbottle at each of their heads to get them to shut up (of course, it wouldn’t work because not even god can calm down the back of the bus)

Tim and Jason somehow get into this argument of how tim ‘has no friends’ and Tim shoots back that in fact he DOES, that he’s calling them right this instant. And bruce doesn’t even have a chance to yell at them, because now there’s a speedster and a cloned kryptonian right beside the moving minivan and Bruce is lowkey freaking out because none of them (the ones in the van and the ones out) are wearing their superhero costumes, and then Tim is just with his hands pressed on the window and he’s like practically banging the glass and waving and they can’t hear him but he’s like “HEY! HEY HYE HEY YOU GUYS MADE IT!!!” and then dick is just telling them to cut it out and slow down because you know, identities, and Steph is like HOLY SHIT THEY DID MAKE IT and Damian is just sitting upside down with his legs in the backrest off the seat and Duke is in the same position, making fun of Damian because his feet don’t reach.

Kon and Bart seem to get the hint because they slow down, but not before bart has literally jumped towards the MOVING VAN and vibrated through (i’m like 99% sure he is able to do that so-) and then he literally landed on Tim (tim actually softened his fall, because Tim’s back literally made a ~crack~ sound by hitting somebody’s knee) and stood up real quick and then started waving and laughing at kon, who was now running normal-speed beside the van.

And then bruce went FASTER and kon was like WHAT THE HECK OLD MAN and he can’t use his powers so he’s literally running behind the van and bart is laughing his ass off and then tim is like “BRUCE STOP THE VAN!” and then Bart is already calling cassie and telling her what happened and you can hear cassie laughing from over the phone and then Tim is just yelling at bruce in the background. Bruce eventually DOES stop, and Tim opens the door for him and Kon crawls in and Bart’s still laughing, and he’s practically leaning onto Dick and Harper, and they’re squished together and bart’s just laughing on the phone while Kon sits on the really far end of the opposite seat (practically on the door) so he’s the furthest from babs as possible because he’s actually terrified of her. Tim is just sorta awkward because he now realizes that he was a bit TOO excited to see kon, and then the back of the bus/van is staring at them and like what the hell and then Tim goes “who doesn’t have friends, huh?”, and Jason goes ‘pfft’ and he calls roy but he’s spending time with lian; he calls artemis and she goes, “but wasn’t this a family trip? what do you need me for?”, SO jaosn calls bizarro and then he barely answers the phone when bizarro goes “RED HER SAID NO. BYE” so Jason slumps and it’s quiet for a second when steph goes “is that GUM IN MY HAIR”. And then jason laughs and its chaos all over again. (i might make a ‘things that were heard from the back of the road trip bus post bc i have so many ideas oh my god)

and then they are at the beach, the bus barely stops and there’s a few bags thrown out the window, and people yelling at Kon to open the door, and Kon not being able to work under pressure so tim opens it and everyone’s pushing each other and Steph has an uneven strand of hair, because Damian went to ‘extreme measures’ and cut it so now steph’s hair is uneven and they were going to keep cutting it “to make it even” but then Alfred was like “you’re all going to clean the van afterwards so think carefully” and then nobody did anything and there’s literally a ziploc bag with steph’s strand of hair (damian didn’t even cut to where the gum was, he cut even FURTHER but yes, the gum is in the bag).

As I was saying, they get out of the van, and the bags are out and Bruce has NO IDEA what to do. none. It’s alfred that rents a tent and then Damian’s chasing duke into a random restaurant’s changeroom and showers and then cass is dragging harper that’s dragging steph that’s dragging jason and tim is getting the bags with Kon and bart and bart realizes that he doesn’t have a swimsuit and then he stops walking and Kon seems to realize too and it’s like OH MAN and they can’t run back (because no powers, rule set by bruce when two super-powered bros came in the bus) and They’ recarrying the bags to this tent (do you guys know what im talking about? i feel like we’re imagining completely different things- it’s this but much more people and there’s a bunch of people selling stuff like sunglasses and doign hair, piercings, tattoos even - for the tattoos thing it’s just promo for an actual shop they don’t tattoo you in the actual beach - ) and It’s literally Kon, tim and bart carrying the bags (which they CAN carry between the three, it’s not like they packed up half the manor) and then a minute later or so Steph is sprinting towards Tim and she’s yelling something Tim can’t understand and then Steph points at her bag (that tim’s carrying) and she screams something like “SAND! HOT!” and then she’s like high-knee-ing/sprinting even faster and Cass is just walking barefoot in the sand, super calm, but she’s got Harper on her back. Damian and Duke are racing towards the shadow (because the sand is cooler there), and next thing you know Jason’s aready in the tent with a coconut.

And if you haven’t thougth about how the Batfam would be in the beach then let me tell you, you don’t have enough spare time because i know for a FAT FACT that:

It was Jason that insisted on Bruce buying sand toys (a whole bag, i swear)

Damian tried coconut water, didn’t like it all that much (altho he loves the inside- idk what it’s called but it’s edible i swear)

Bruce put on an excessive amount of sunscreen

Duke has swimming trunks with the robin logo just to piss damian off (also Damian has matching ones but with the batman one)

Steph, Cass and Harper rented a banana boat (here’s a picture) and they dragged Jason and Tim along, just to toss them off in the end

Jason 1000% got stung by a jellyfish

Bruce bought like seven friendship bracelets from this guy that made them because they looked deadass cool

They played beach volleyball and let me tell you Damian can throw a really mean overhand serve (actually, i don’t think you THROW a serve, but like,,, serve one-)

dick got buried in the sand, courtesy of Jason

bart was pissy because he couldn’t go in the water, so he and Kon sprinted with normal speed (they both had water-proof anklets that sucked their powers, so it was REALLY a no-powers vacation, courtesy of Bruce, again.)

the only ones in stock were neon, and they settled real quick so now theyre sprinting back and cardying a bag of keychains they thought looked rad as hell and now tim caught up to them and all three are practically skipping towards the water

,,,,they forgot to put sunscreen on.... all of them,,, they forgot....

tim made a sand castle

in teams of two (kon/bart, tim/cass, duke/harper, steph/jason, dick/damian) got on each other shoulders and basically spent five minutes trying to see who would be the last team standing, splashing water everywhere and stuff

first team to go down was Dick and damian, because steph pushed damian and by trying to keep himself on Dick's shoulders, damian accidentally poked dick's eye (sort of CLAWED in so you know what i mean).

second team to go down was steph and jason, because damian doesnt play fair and so he swam down and literally just scratched Jason's ankle, knowing damn well that the jellyfish sting was there. Jaosn shrieked and steph lost her balance. so much for vigilantes at night with stealth and talent, huh.

third team to go down was tim and bart because kon insisted on being on bart’s shoulders and that’s easy peasy because i mean, bart’s not WEAK, but he’s not TALL either and it’s not like Kon weighs a feather and they’re on the deeper side,,,,, you can imagine the rest

Now there’s two teams, and they call it a tie because otherwise someone’s gonna end up injured (altho tim likes to say that he and cass won)

There’s music playing in the background, with really vulgar lyrics that alfred disapproves of, but you know. It’s not his beach.

THIS IS REALLY JUST A SCREAM POST SORRY IT’S NOT WHAT YOU GUYS SIGNED UP FOR BUT TAGLIST ANYWAYS: @red-hood-redemption @screennamealreadyused @bikoncon @catxsnow @thesporklecat @thesesickfics-justmakemesick @hauntingsonofrobin anddd i think i forgot someone sorry

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bridge-the-gap · 4 years

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🌼 INFJs I KNOW BY AN INFP 🌼

(Got this one first. Ode to the originator of these series.)

1. DEEP. I can always distinguish INFJs and INFPs. First, because I'm surrounded by these types. And I am INFP myself. I don't even get how people can confuse them. Ni is deep. Not Fi deep. I think INFJs are watery. INFPs are airy. Ni itself is water. While Aux Ne is air. I think INTJs are also... Watery but in a more rigid way. INFJs can try to look tough. But are humanitarian to the core.

2. MALE INFJs. Are Glorious. There is not a single INFJ male who hasn't any INFP fangirl. Somewhere on the deeper waters. Seek and you will find. Idk. INFJs I find are good-looking. And they somehow have this preppy way of carrying themselves. Like Guy-Next-Door. Jesse McCartney like that. They seem to be well-groomed. They just know how to swoon females. Or atleast, INFPs. SORRY FAM FOR EXPOSING Y'ALL MANIC PIXIES. (See INFJ male x INFP female in KPOP 🤣) They have this gentle-man vibes. EPITOME OF GENTLEMAN. Even then, I know they are lowkey pervs. Well-groomed. Well-groomed. Well-groomed. Or atleast, they know how to look like a cozy cuddly bear 🐻 of some sort.

3. FEMALE INFJs. Are Intimidating. 😱 We are just one letter away but my INFP pants shriek in panic. Idk. It's like maybe if you flip switch the gender roles of these guyst they either know how to be treated or know how to treat girls nice. Somewhat like that? I hope I get understood lol. Now. Girls have more variations here. There's the well-put-together and intimidating. And then there's well-put-together but more accomodating. And then there's one who's NOT well-put-together but TRIES TO EVEN ATLEAST LOOK well-put-together. Lowkey perfectionists. But tries to be easy-going. Some of them don't. What else can I say? Yes. Be that standard. 💯 They're just really... Ethical like that. That they probably think of it as a courtesy to the eyes of the public, at least. Motherly vibes. There's variations. There are ones who are so hot. They look like they never would want a baby and they'd stay young forever. And then there's warmth sunshine babies. Who are just radiating light. Aura of positive energy. Gentle breeze. They'd look you in the eyes with hope? Did I mention they're beautiful. *____* The way they carry themselves speaks elegant.

4. INTERACTIONS. Female INFJs I thought I would be close to them but somehow I am quite in the field of deliberately having subconscious competition with them. I don't seem to happen to be in the same social circle as them. We're quite similar in our fields of interest but somehow... Idk. Maybe, we bring the same things to the table. BUT WAAAAYYY different method? Interesting tbh. There are those I could easily connect. Those I do not find intimidating. Hahaha. I know INFJ females are known for having resting b-word faces but some of them could be really hard to crack open and usually I don't bother anymore because as I've said we bring the same things to the table but different methods. And yes, maybe their methods are interesting. But that's really private... And they're usually reserved. And well. I'll leave that curiosity for their counterpart... Male INFJs. Hahaha. There is an attraction. I tell you... Maybe, for the reason that WE WILL NEVER BRING THE SAME THING TO THE TABLE? As different gender species. So there's an instant magnetism of how their system works. Honestly, I'm not quite sure. Because most INFJs are just physically attractive to me. Like their 'being'. It's ridiculous. Even their brooding and darkness and chaos. It's like you would want to be in their mind or something. Sprinkle that manic pixie dusts glitter their brain cramps. Heal their post-traumatic past-life man wounds. 💓

5. SENSITIVES. INFPs have the Rep of being the sensitives. But they carry it well... Well... WE. Like we own it or something. INFJs are intellectualizing their sensitivity and it's cute and depressing to watch as an INFP. Hahaha. Maybe, they find us reckless. It's cute how we infuriate each other sometimes. Hahaha.

6. INTELLECTUALS. Speaking of intellectualizing. These are BIG BRAINS here. No doubt. They are responsible for 80% of whatever's happening in the world right now. Communicating to each other telepathically. Getting to our minds unknowingly. Luckily, I'm a pretty WOKE INFP to perceive this information. 🤣 They can be highly neurotic when presented by this fact. 💯 Your strength is your greatest weakness indeed. Nevertheless, that doesn't meddle with the other fact that they can stay organized despite absorbing of not only knowledge but FEELINGZ. Making them such valuable humanitarians. And even great leaders. Proud. 🙏

#infj feelings #mbti #infp #infj mbti

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arin-schreave · 4 years

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the first appearance of light in the sky before sunrise

before you read i just wanted to say thank you soooooo much to bri for being the most amazing cohost and my voice of reason these past 6+ months and putting up with me (y’all seriously have no idea lol). thank you to everyone who participated in oc6 and for helping make it the fun mess it was with your amazing characters. this fic is is trash but it’s what i’ve got. thank you to bri and ester for editing. my watch has ended.

-anna🙃

HELLO OC6ERS. this has been quite an interesting selection, hasn’t it? and yes. i did put up with anna but it was fun most of the time :) i can’t believe y’all roped me into this hosting thing a second time around, but it’s been a hoot. i hope you enjoyed safiya, wylan, jackson, and my evil villains as much as i did. and to bertha and myr!!!! y’all!!!!!!! idk how your characters have managed to make arin fairly decent in my eyes but you have. quite the feat. many thanks to anna for listening to my screeching advice most of the time, to anya for making the loveliest lady for jackson, and to ester, my homie, for making idalia--the most perfect match for wylan that could ever exist. it’s been WONDERFUL. see you guys next round!!!

-bri <3

You can click here for the Google doc or keep reading below. If you go to the doc please note there are some edits at the bottom of the fic so you may want to come back when you’re done reading and scroll down to the bottom to see them.

October was the hardest before Arin had readjusted to the silence. Everything had gone from chaos to calm in an instant and he hadn’t realized the ways he’d gotten used to it. He’d look for the familiar faces of the Selected only to be disappointed when he remembered that everyone had gone home.

He often wondered what Clemence and Jen would think of the choice he’d made to send them home, followed by too much silence on his part. Arin felt selfish because of the regret he felt for missing them both but he still knew it was the break they all needed. He’d put their lives on hold for months and hadn’t given them as much as he could have during that time. So he was trying to give them the space and time they needed to heal from the damage of the Selection.

Then came November with its highs and lows. Arin spent so many sleepless nights alone in his bed staring up at the ceiling thinking about his mistakes. He thought of how controlling he’d been with Felicity and what it had done to her, how devastated Jen had been when she thought he was eliminating her, the way Clem had been heartbroken when they’d said goodbye… But he was trying to be better. He’d gotten back into running, he’d finally started seeing a therapist again, he cooked for himself. Some days he’d go to the library on campus and spend a few hours doing his work in one of the study rooms before returning to the palace. Others he’d spend in back to back meetings with advisors discussing Illéa’s transition into a casteless society. Still, there was always a lingering empty feeling inside him. Then a call came.

---

It was the quietest Christmastime that Arin could remember there ever being in his home. Servants were still rushing around as they tried to put the final touches on the decorations. The majority of palace staff would soon go on vacation through the beginning of the new year and it would only grow quieter. There wasn't the same level of excitement there usually was during the holiday season.

There was a soft knock at the door and he straightened in his chair while he set aside what he was working on. He glanced down at his watch as he called for her to enter. She was early but only by a few minutes. When she slipped inside the office he noticed she'd kept her jacket on, which meant she didn’t plan on staying long.

He took a deep breath as she walked towards the desk, trying not to think about the last time she'd been in his office. When she’d kissed him in front of Clem. That hurt to think about but for different reasons than it had at the time. When she reached the desk she didn’t sit. Felicity merely raised her eyebrows at him in anticipation.

“Thanks for coming.” He gave her a nervous smile. “It means a lot to me.”

There was some skepticism in the look she gave him when he motioned for her to sit. She even glanced around the office to see if they were alone as if it was all a trick. Then her eyes met his again but still, she remained standing. It gave him somewhat of an uneasy feeling but he ignored it since she was likely uncomfortable as well.

“I know Christmas is over a week away but I wanted to give you your gift early since we won’t be doing things the usual way this year.”

Some of the awkwardness slipped away and Arin could feel the hint of the friendship they’d once had. He’d forgotten how good that felt. For a moment they were who they’d been before they’d ever been Arin & Felicity. They were two childhood friends sharing a moment that was nothing but platonic. He’d missed the sense of ease between them.

He thought about the way things usually were on Christmas. Every year his parent’s friends would come over at some point for a few hours to visit and they’d exchange gifts. When they'd been younger all the kids would play and Felicity had been among them. With everything that had happened they had decided it would be for the best to skip the year’s celebration.

This year the Schreaves would likely attend the Christmas Eve service at church before returning home for a somber meal. Then afterward they would gather in the family room for an hour or two before they all went their separate ways. As for Christmas morning… Well, that was one big question mark. So many things were those days. It was all one day at a time.

“I didn’t get you anything.” She gave him an apologetic look which he waved off.

“Well, I didn’t either.”

Arin glanced over at his desk drawer, taking a moment for himself before he reached down to open it. This moment had been such a long time coming and he was ready. He pulled the little velvet box from where it had been sitting for almost a year and set it on the desk. Felicity’s eyes widened with recognition as he slid the small box towards her. She swallowed hard, one hand going up to cover her lips as she only stared at it. He couldn’t help but smile a bit at the reaction, knowing her well enough that he was able to tell she was far from upset.

“Lis, I’ll always love you no matter where we are or who we’re with, you know that.” It felt good for him to say what he knew he’d been feeling the last couple of months. “But only as a friend. I’ve known you longer than almost anyone in my life and you aren't someone I could ever replace. But we aren’t the same people we were five years ago or even last year and we both know that’s for the better.”

Felicity reached up and wiped at her eyes, huffing a laugh before she mumbled something about how unfair he was being. Her eyes met his as she picked up the ring box, one thumb brushing over the top with fondness. She was silent for a few moments while she enjoyed the familiarity of the velvet against her skin.

“I know things are busy this year but please don’t put off getting her present. It’s your first Christmas.” She looked down at the ring box with a soft smile.

He could tell how much it meant to her that he’d given it back. Given how things had ended between them proper etiquette was that she return the ring and she had. But what was Arin going to do with it? He couldn’t propose with it or ever give it to his future… spouse, which meant that it would only end up tucked away in some corner of the vault collecting dust.

Felicity didn’t know that Arin had yet to figure out what he was going to do. Not that she would since they didn’t speak often and he wasn’t sure how much his sister told her. It was a reasonable assumption that he’d have made a decision by now even though there’d been no announcement. There'd been so much going on recently that Arin's priority wouldn't have been that, which Felicity knew.

“It doesn’t matter since I’m not sure when I’ll see her next anyway. Jen is with her family in Waverly for Christmas.”

Arin paused at that as he processed what he’d said. He replayed the sentence in his head to make sure he’s said what he thought he had. Then he narrowed his eyes at Felicity. She hadn’t taken her eyes off him.

“What did I say?” He asked somewhat cautiously.

She gave him a confused look as if she didn’t understand the question. Then seeing that she’d heard him right she frowned.

“You said Jen is in Waverly for Christmas.” She answered. “Is there a problem?”

Arin tugged at his collar. He began to count in his head as he took a steadying breath. He knew Felicity was someone he could talk to but not about this. Not yet. Maybe one day they’d completely go back to the way they were before they’d been together but they weren’t there yet.

“Nothing’s wrong. I’m sorry to keep things so short but I have a meeting in a few minutes,” Arin told her.

He didn’t but he glanced at his watch anyway. She knew him well enough to know it was Arin telling her he needed to be alone. Felicity nodded in understanding but didn’t move quite yet. Then she stepped around his desk, giving the box a couple gentle taps against the surface. She stood there a few more moments but then she shook her head, changing her mind about what she was going to ask him.

“Merry Christmas, Arin.” She said in a hushed voice, then turned to leave.

Arin leaned back in his chair once she was gone, a million thoughts running through his mind. He thought about the two women who had become his world over the past couple of months. Both were kind and wonderful. But he couldn’t be with both of them. When he thought about Jen he couldn’t help but smile and feel warm inside. She had a way of lighting up everything around her and making it all feel so alive. Then there was Clem who was soft and sweet and reminded him that he could always keep going. When she looked at Arin he felt like his mistakes meant nothing and all would be forgiven.

Each woman meant more to him than he could put into words. They’d seen Arin as he was and they still wanted him despite it all. Through the ups and downs, they’d stood by him, giving him their time and love. He’d known for some time that he was in love as well but up until then, he’d thought it possible he had equal feelings for them both. He’d been searching for an answer and there she was. She’d been in front of him all along.

He had the vague memory of telling her that she wouldn’t ever be happy with him but that didn’t feel so true anymore. So much had happened since then. She'd seen him at his worst and together they’d gone through more in the span of a few weeks than most couples went through in years. Jen had become someone he relied on and turned to when things were hard. She’d held him that night in the kitchen when he’d burnt the cookies, she’d tried her best to comfort him when he’d been sick in the Great Hall after they’d somehow stayed alive, and she’d been behind him every step of the way during the funeral procession. Even when she'd broken up with him she'd been the person he'd wanted to share it with.

Their moments weren’t always perfect and rarely turned out as planned but each one added up and made them who they were together. They’d had sad moments like when Jen had told him how well he’d done the day of his mother’s funeral. Then there had been the in-between moments like the day in the library when she’d told him what had happened with Ian. He’d been so careful and scared. But then there were the happy moments. There was the simplicity of painting with her in the attic, grocery shopping in a supermarket with narrow aisles, reaching for her in the middle of the night, the way she would laugh at his terrible jokes, so many things…

Arin thought of Felicity then. There had been love between them but at some point, over the past months, it had slipped away. Looking back on it, it didn’t feel the same way being with Jen felt. Somehow everything with Jen felt so much brighter and vivid. When he thought of her there was a pleasant heavy feeling in his chest and if he tried to imagine his life without her it felt meaningless. There were so many things unspoken between them and yet they both knew they were safe together. It only ever took one word.

He needed to think. It was Thursday and Arin had talked to Jen recently enough that he knew she’d be arriving back in Illéa on Monday. He had a weekend to figure out what he wanted to do if he even wanted to tell her that soon. Talking to someone would help but Wylan wouldn’t be the best person since he was with Jen and Arin didn’t want to put more on his plate. Wylan deserved to enjoy the rest of his vacation with his girlfriend- even if they had a third wheel.

Arin considered his mom but wanted someone more level-headed… so the obvious choice was Safiya.

---

When Arin found his sister in the family room on the third floor, she was curled up on one of the couches beneath a blanket. She had her laptop resting on her lap, playing a movie. Safiya didn’t pause what she was watching as Arin walked towards her, a hint of a smile on his face. He could already tell she knew something was up as he sat on the couch across from her.

“Do you have a second?” He asked after watching her for a long moment.

Being curious, Safiya paused what she was watching with a nod and set her laptop down on the coffee table. She laid back down on her side, still snuggled beneath the blanket facing him.

“A few. It looks important”

Arin took a deep breath, leaning back against the cushions of the couch. He noticed how Safiya wasn’t sitting up the way she normally would have been but the past months had been hard on everyone, her especially. Not only had she lost a parent but so had Theo.

“It’s actually very important.” It’s actually about Jen. He smiled a bit.

Safiya’s smile matched his own as she tucked one hand against her cheek.

“Finally joining the club?” She wiggled her ring finger enough for him to notice.

Arin blushed at the suggestion. The thought had crossed his mind but hearing someone else bring it up made it feel more real. Most mentions of marriage with Jen had been brief and made as jokes. Yet that's what he wanted. He wanted to marry her one day and have a life. If that was what she still wanted with him.

“I don’t know…” Arin admitted, grimacing in embarrassment. “I haven’t talked to her yet. And she doesn’t know it’s her.”

“You should probably remedy that.” She told him, her voice calm as she spoke despite her growing smile.

Arin nodded in agreement. He had every intention of telling Jen- assuming she’d listen. He thought back to the conversation they’d had in the early hours of the previous morning. They’d had moments during the call where they’d been at odds but at the end of it, they’d been... them and it made him optimistic.

“She’s in Italy with Wylan right now and won’t be back for a couple more days.” Arin was grinning at that point. “So I have a bit of time to think.”

He knew all it would take was a text or a phone call or even getting on a plane but he needed to think things through. Arin was certain about Jen but he wanted to make sure he got things right. He had four days until she was back in Illéa which felt like too much time and not enough time all at once.

“I’m happy for you, you know,” Safiya told him in a quiet voice.

Arin chuckled a bit at the realization that he hadn’t said Jen’s name out loud a single time the entire conversation. Safiya was smart enough to know who he was talking about from the mention of Wylan since she knew about his trip. Still, Arin wanted to make sure they were on the same page.

“It’s Jen. I realize I should have led with that. Sorry.” Arin ran his fingers through his hair with some anxiousness. “It’s been a weird day.”

He paused, taking a moment to consider his next words more carefully. It was a delicate topic that most people had grown used to tiptoeing around with him. He hadn’t told anyone what his plans had been with Felicity though he’d mentioned he'd be seeing her that afternoon to Jen during a conversation. She’d asked how he’d felt because he’d been so nervous and she could tell something was off.

“I just came from giving Felicity her engagement ring back.”

Safiya raised her eyebrows at that. Arin was sure she’d be hearing about from Felicity at it some point. It was possible she already knew since Felicity would have had time to text Safiya and she’d been waiting for him to bring it up. Though he figured was unlikely.

“Oh? Did that go well?” She asked.

He furrowed his eyebrows briefly as he thought back to when he'd returned the ring. Arin focused on those last moments before Felicity left and the way she’d stepped around the desk. Then there’d been the hesitation. That was the only part of the interaction he had any uncertainty over but he kept that to himself and nodded in response to his sister’s question.

“It went surprisingly well. She seemed to appreciate it.” He answered, stopping a moment to bite at his lip. “It felt right since I didn't have any use for it.”

“I don’t think Jen would appreciate a ring given to your former fiancée,” Safiya replied with more of her usual snark.

“Is this a bad time to tell you that I've already bought her a brand new ring that looks exactly the same?” Arin smirks a bit as he speaks. “I thought her only issue would be that it's used.”

Safiya half snorted and shifted onto her back to face towards the ceiling. Arin wondered if she was feeling well but didn’t dare ask. His sister had the best handle on her health out of anyone he knew. But still, he worried about her.

“You’ve reached the end and yet still so much to learn.”

“Don't worry, I haven't given the ring a single thought considering she broke up with me a few weeks ago.” He sighed. “I have that mess to fix first.”

“Is that what made you realize she’s who you want to be with?” Safiya gave him a sideways glance.

Arin rubbed at his forehead, feeling like it would overcomplicate things to explain how the conversation had gone. She’d only been the person who gave him the push in the right direction. Even if he couldn’t pinpoint the moment he’d fallen in love with Jen it certainly hadn’t been twenty minutes ago in an office with his ex-fiancée.

“Not quite. I’m sure that helped but there was this moment with Felicity where it was so easy like we were friends again. Maybe I just needed to let go.”

“Sometimes it takes letting go to realize what you want to hold onto.” She hummed, eyes going back to the ceiling.

Arin frowned as he went over his sister’s words. He thought back to the attack in the Great Hall, remembering the moments of uncertainty and the whispers in the chaos. She’d told him that she loved him for the first time. Jen had told him since as well, even when things had gone wrong on their Greece trip. Even then.

“I’ve already lost her more than once and if she’ll take me back and I think she will, I don’t ever want to let her go.”

“So... what did you come here to ask me?” She nodded before asking more quietly. “Or did you just want to let me know?”

“I came to tell you because you're my sister and one of my best friends…” He paused and huffed a laugh. “But right now I'd kind of like you to tell me what to do because some crazy part of me wants to drop everything and fly to Italy and sweep her off her feet but I don't feel like that's the right move.”

He knew it was ridiculous but he had an overwhelming feeling that he’d wasted so much time being an idiot. And he knew the feeling was right. He’d paused the Selection two months before and while he’d made progress for the country and even some for himself he felt like without her it didn’t mean nearly as much. But Safiya immediately shaking her head told him that she agreed with him for once.

“I've talked to Wylan a bit and seen how it's going from pictures.” Safiya pursed her lips slightly. “And she broke up with you. Let her enjoy the time where she doesn't have to be stressed about something else being asked of her after... everything. I don't think she needs to be swept off her feet. She needs to be told that she's all you could ever want and you're willing to spend the rest of your lives showing her how much she's valued.”

“When we spoke yesterday we left things on a really good note and I haven’t stopped thinking about everything she said. I want to spend the rest of forever giving her everything even knowing things won't always be easy.”

“Is this a sensible, adult decision I hear coming out of your mouth right now?” She asked, the corner of her mouth lifting into a half-smile.

“Seriously, Safiya?” Arin narrowed his eyes at her. “I am the leader of a country and you're going to tease me about adult decisions?”

“Someone has to.” She chuckled.

“You, Wylan, Mom, Jen...” Arin held up a hand then put a finger down for each of the names he listed off emphasizing Jen’s because he'd let her tease him every day for the rest of forever if she wanted.

“Jen's the only one who will be as honest as I am, and since she's not in a place to tell you this, I will.” She waved her hand.

Real or genuine. That’s what she’d said her name meant and she was never anything but. Jen, Jennie, Bee… She felt like the most real person in his life. And he never wanted that to change.

“I think she might be harder on me than you are though.” Arin joked, reaching for one of the pillows which he pulled to his chest.

“You say that as if it's a bad thing,” Safiya said with a small laugh.

“I’m afraid you’d both get along a little too well.” He raised his eyebrows at her.

He wasn’t sure how much time his sister had spent with Jen in the months she’d lived in their home but he was certain that they’d get along. Safiya would gain a sister which was something Arin knew she wouldn’t take lightly. It had only been the two of them the majority of their lives until the past few years. They’d added Wylan, then Theo who Arin was still working on getting used to, and he hoped Jen would be next.

“You should be happy she'll get along with the in-laws.” She told him, amused at the thought.

Arin gave her a sad smile as he thought about their mother. He knew their loss haunted them both every day but he wanted to focus on the things they had to look forward to even if it was only briefly. Though he wondered how soon things would settle. He was still adjusting to his brother in law and the transition was still strange for him to wrap his brain around at times.

“Well, I don't come with a lot of people. It's just you, Mom, Wylan, and Theo.”

“You don't need a whole village. I think we'll suffice.” She briefly returned the smile before it faded when her thoughts also went to what they’d lost.

Arin grew more concerned as he observed the look on Safiya’s face. The past months had taken their toll on the entire family but seeing his sister act so… ordinary worried him. It seemed to Arin that it was more difficult than usual for Safiya to keep up her usual appearances.

“Hey, how are you doing?” He asked in a softer tone.

She stayed facing the ceiling. Safiya didn’t smile again but she didn’t let herself delve into the dark feelings the attack brought on.

“Fine. For the most part.” She sighed, looking over at him. “Maybe you can invite her over for New Year’s.”

He pursed his lips at the sudden subject change. It was strange for him to see his sister deflect in the same way he did. They both knew she wasn’t fine and saying it wouldn’t make it so. Still, he blew out a breath and decided to let it go for the time being.

“What are the big plans this year?”

“Homemade pizza, champagne, and watching the ball drop from the couch.” An absent smile formed on her lips. “Theo still needs rest.”

Arin nodded in understanding. Anyone who had been there still needed rest but that wasn’t possible. At least Theo was taking his time with his recovery. He could imagine the loss of a parent having also experienced it but he couldn’t wrap his head around the idea of witnessing what Theo had after enduring everything the night of the attack.

“It'll be his first Christmas and New Year's away from home, won't it?”

“They do Christmas a little differently so I’m leaving that to him.” Safiya nodded.

“It'll be different for us all this year I think. A lot quieter than usual.” Arin told her.

“At least Wylan will be around.” She replied as she thought about how she’d been missing him.

Arin smiled at the idea. At least some things stayed the same. They’d each been so busy that they hadn’t gotten to talk as much as they should. After everything, he’d almost expected Wylan would spend Christmas in Clermont. Though he wasn’t sure why. However, Allens seemed like another decent possibility as well.

“I haven't spent enough time with him recently,” Arin admitted.

“He's preoccupied with his future wife.” She chuckled to herself.

Arin wondered if they’d have had more than just a couple days if things could have been different. Maybe he’d have come to his senses… She wouldn’t have broken up with him. But as lovely as the thought was he knew it wouldn't have happened.

“I wish I had the time.” He sighed. “But I have meetings and a million other things to do. And Felicity reminded me about all the Christmas shopping I haven't done.”

“And what are you getting for Jen, hm?” Safiya asked.

“Am I allowed to say myself?” Arin joked in a serious tone after biting at his lip.

His sister’s only response was an intense flat look which caused him to roll his eyes in response. Sometimes she didn’t appreciate his sense of humor as much as he would have liked.

“I wasn't serious.”

“Good.” She said with mild amusement.

“Just because we talked yesterday doesn't mean we'd get back together if I told her I wanted to. So I may not need to get her anything for Christmas.”

“I think a gift might soften it, Arin.” She chuckled.

That seemed like it wouldn’t go over well. He wasn’t sure showing up out of the blue with a gift would be what Jen wanted. He’d expect a telling off if he pulled that move. Though he deserved to be told off regardless of how he went back to Jen. He knew that much.

“Are you saying I should just start sending gifts now?”

“Everything in moderation.” She fiddled with the blanket on her lap. “One gift and some suppressed Arin honesty should suffice.”

“At this point, I’m not sure there’s a point in toning down who I am.” He told her, furrowing his eyebrows as he spoke. “She already knows.”

“Everyone could use a little self-improvement.” Safiya shot him another flat look.

“It’s possible I’d rather focus on the country first.” He shrugged.

Safiya sighed. She didn’t feel like opening the same can of worms again since it never seemed to get them anywhere. Though Arin wasn’t trying to get on her nerves with that statement. He had so much he wanted to do for Illéa and he felt like even if he had years it would never be enough. There were so many things leftover from the previous generations of Schreaves that needed to be fixed.

“Congratulations.” She told him, having summoned a smile. “I'm happy with your choice, not that you really needed my approval.”

He knew he didn’t need her to say that but he did at the same time. Arin needed someone to tell him what he wanted was right. It might have been shallow but it reassured him.

“She’s amazing, isn’t she?”

“Yes.” Safiya chuckled. “Very wonderful.”

“She’s the one, Sia.” He smiled, thinking about Jen.

“I know.” She said softly. “Go get her, Arin.”

Go get her.

That was all Arin wanted to do.

There were so many things he was still uncertain about but Jen wasn’t one of them. With her next to him he was sure the rest would fall into place. She wanted more which she’d made sure to tell him and he wanted more too. He wanted the ups and downs and the times in between. Arin didn’t want only one more minute with Jen. He wanted a lifetime of moments and minutes with her.

He’d told her that it would be easier if it was a choice they could make together and she’d agreed. Now he’d made his choice. Whatever came next they could decide together. Together. Jen and Arin. He liked the sound of that.

#the selection #selectionoc #schreave fic #challenge ten

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amphtaminedreams · 4 years

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Film Tier Ranking 2019: A Bad Year for Bird Films

Hi to anyone reading,

I’ve finally put it together: my 2019 film tier ranking! I know tier rankings are a bit 6 months ago but seeing British crisps sorted into god, good, mid and shit tier all over Twitter, the format really resonated with me and I was like I MUST USE THIS AT SOME POINT! And I guess since there probably isn’t much of an audience for crisp tier rankings on Tumblr, it makes more sense for me to do it with films instead, especially as doing a 2019 year in film review was something I previously claimed I would do; here’s to 2020 and following through on my proposals.

I think 2019 in general was an okay year for film, with the end of the year definitely outselling the beginning. One thing to bear in mind is that a lot of films that I would’ve been able to see in 2019, I.E Little Women and Parasite, didn’t come out until 2020 in the UK so they won’t make it onto this year’s list. It’s not a snub by any means. I more fall in line with the Elsie Fisher Film Awards school of thought than the Oscars, which have yet again disregarded several incredible performances this year: Florence Pugh in Midsommar, Taron Egerton in Rocketman, Lupita Nyongo in Us, and of course, Greta Gerwig’s direction of Little Women. I’m sure there are many more but those are the first few that come to mind. Oh to be in 2017 when nominations made fractionally more sense.

This list also includes films that weren’t necessarily released this year, but that I just got around to watching; there were a couple of disappointments but also a lot of films I can’t believe it took me this long to finally watch and have definitely made their way into my favourites. My goal for this year is to get through even more of the films on my verrrry long Letterboxd watchlist, and more specifically, watch said films without going on my phone, which is a really bad habit of mine. I find it hard to sit still! Let me live!

I also want to try and put aside my prejudices about visual quality and watch more pre-2000s movies this year; it’s really bad but I never managed to get more than half an hour into Psycho, of all films, solely because I couldn’t deal with the black and white. In 2020, I am going to stop being a whiney Gen Z/cusp millenial-er and give older films the chance they deserve.

So, without further ado, here is my film tier ranking of everything I watched in 2019! If you make it til the end and have any thoughts or disagreements, let me know. I love to hear other’s opinions and get new perspectives on things and am totally open to any criticism. Happy reading:-)

God Tier

Knives Out (Rian Johnson, 2019)

Knives Out. What a film.

I feel like I waited forever to see this at the cinema. They must have started showing trailers for it in, like, August, and I had to wait til mid-November to see it. How are you gonna just dangle a film with Toni Colette and Lakeith Stanfield in my face and then make me wait 3 months? Totally unethical.

But that being said, when it finally came around and I did see it, as much as I love Toni and Lakeith, there was one stand out and it wasn’t either of them: ANA DE ARMAS. I have to admit I’d never heard of her before but she acted the shit out of a role I feel I’d ordinarily find irritating and gimmicky. Daniel Craig, whose character seemed annoying as fuck in the trailer, was actually surprisingly funny.

Stylistically, it was a very cool film and I liked the subtle commentary on class that was running throughout. Also, I thought the ending was very clever. My issue with a lot of whodunnits is that they just pick someone who doesn’t make sense for shock factor *cough, Bobby Beale in Eastenders, cough* but the shocks here were more in the details.

Hustlers (Lorene Scafaria, 2019)

There wasn’t one single moment of Hustlers I didn’t enjoy and it’s quite amazing that there wasn’t one single point in this film about strippers that I felt gratuitously sexualised women. THAT is why you fund female directors. It made the whole thing look like a calculated art form, which I think the unsexy amongst us can all agree that it is. Constance Wu was a fantastic lead, J-Lo was kind of robbed for a supporting actress nom, and Keke Palmer and Lili Reinhart were hilarious too.

Midsommar (Ari Aster, 2019)

Midsommar was such an experience that it took me a good few days afterwards to decide whether I actually liked it. I saw it the day it came out because I loved Hereditary so much and I wasn’t quite sure what to expect. I kind of had an idea of the way it was going to go, we could all kind of guess evil cult was the route that was being taken from the trailer, but I just didn’t realise quite how weird it’d get.

The gore was great, the visuals were stunning and the character arcs were surprising and for that reason, I think this is another game changer for horror from Ari Aster. I didn’t love it like I loved Hereditary but it continues to play on my mind and 7 months later I still can’t resist a good “Things you Missed in Hereditary” or “Hereditary Themes Explained” Youtube video essay. That’s how you know a film fucked with you and that’s the ultimate goal of going into a horror for me. Put that on my headstone after I inevitably get myself into some mortally dangerous conflict because I want to “get fucked with” a little bit.

Booksmart (Olivia Wilde, 2019)

So here’s the thing with Booksmart: I was getting progressively more and more drunk throughout it so I might be a little biased when I say I loved it. That being said, worth revere seems to be a commonly held opinion so I’ll stick to my guns. Plus, movies like this, which just focus on girls living their lives, are few and far between. Why have we had to wait THIS long for the female Superbad?

IDK. But Kaitlyn Dever, Beanie Feldstein and Billie Lourd proved it’s definitely a genre worth investing in so hopefully we see more lighthearted female-led coming of age comedies. One Ladybird per year isn’t enough for me.

The Favourite (Yorgos Lanthimos, 2018)

I included The Favourite in my 50 Films You’ve Got to Watch that I made earlier this year so I don’t have all that much to say about it that I haven’t said already. To summarise, it’s an instant classic: the cinematography, the cast, the lines, it’s all perfection.

Suspiria (Luca Guadagnino, 2018)

I also included Suspiria in my 50 Films You’ve Got to Watch list so sorry if I’m repeating myself, but I adored everything about it. If I had to sum it up in one sentence I’d say divine feminine energy, but inverted. Plus ballet. That dancing scene in the mirrored room will probably never leave my mind (if you’ve watched it, trust me, you’ll know the one I'm talking about), and if there were awards given out for creepy montages in horror, this would win all of them. It still blows my mind that Tilda Swinton played 3 characters in this film; 2 of them are so distinctly different, if anyone put two and two together without prior knowledge of this fact then I’ll blow my own head up too. This is why I got so mad when there was all that discussion around her being the new female Doctor Who and there were people asking who she was. How can you not know who Tilda fucking Swinton is!? She’s a legend!

Sorry, is the wannabe film snob in me showing?

Annihilation (Alex Garland, 2018)

Though I initially watched it because it’s branded as a horror, Annihilation ended up being a surprisingly introspective take on human nature and our self-destructive tendencies. Nothing really went the way I expected it to, even though I was constantly trying to guess that trajectory from beginning to end.

Visually, Annihilation is magnificent. Like, it’s tense, and where exactly the plot is going is shrouded in mystery, but most importantly, it’s super fucking pretty. Sure, the only thing that was mildly horrifying was the *SPOILER* end result of that bear scene but I didn’t mind too much because there was always that edge-of-your-seat possibility something like that would happen again.

Also I realised that Gina Roduriguez is really hot in this! I would just say in general but that video of her saying the n-word kind of took away shot at real world magnetism. WHY SUCH A SHITTY APOLOGY VIDEO!? WHY?!

Assassination Nation (Sam Levinson, 2018)

So I didn’t clock until I was looking up directors that Sam Levinson, Euphoria director, also directed this, and suddenly everything makes sense in the world. They both have that dreamlike, exaggerated feel that perfectly captures the emotional rollercoaster that is being a teenager, only in Assassination Nation obviously the threats are a bit more...tangible. As in its actually other people trying to kill our protagonists this time round, not just angst.

Not gonna lie, it’s not a patch on Euphoria because that show is probably the best thing I watched all year, but I did thoroughly enjoy it, even if I did feel the social commentary, despite how in your face it was, got a bit lost in translation at times. I think it’s the kind of film that, once again, would’ve felt more genuine coming from a female director, however that’s not to take away from how witty, modern, and completely relevant it still is as we move into 2020.

Sorry To Bother You (Boots Riley, 2018)

Right. WHAT THE FUCK!?

Why don’t more people talk about this film? Like it has Tessa Thompson and the world’s best earrings! Lakeith Stanfield getting more than 10 cumulative minutes of screen time! Armie Hammer being that bitch we all knew he was irl (probably)! Scathing critiques of late stage capitalism! It’s insane, in the absolute best way.

SPOILERS AHEAD: I had a mini paragraph written about the last hour of the film and the descent into pure unadulterated chaos, and how it’s like, the internet’s best kept secret, because ordinarily you lot can’t keep your mouths shut about a film or TV’s shows most crucial reveals for more than 5 minutes and THEN...My FBI agent must be feeling real cheeky because THIS tweet pops up on my Twitter timeline.

Fuck this shit, I’m out. Onto the next film. MI5 stop peeping my drafts.

Eighth Grade (Bo Burnham, 2018)

I don’t want to repeat what I said about Eighth Grade in my 50 Films you Should Watch list but Elsie Fisher’s performance in this is why I wish the Oscars also had some kind of rising star award category à la the BAFTAs. Honestly, every 13/14 year old should watch this; it’s a reminder that although feeling like an outsider is by its nature quite isolating, it’s prolific enough that a 29 year old man, 10 years out of “high school”, gets it.

American Animals (Bart Layton, 2018)

My sister and I absolutely loved this film so you can image our disappointment when we turned round to our parents at the end and our enthusiasm wasn’t matched...as in, I’m pretty sure they were both asleep for a lot of it. WHICH I DON’T GET. Because to me, there wasn’t a dull moment. American Animals is what happens when a group of university age boys with the finesse of the American Vandal Turd Burglar try and apply that to an Evil Genius stye heist, part Netflix, talking head abundant documentary, part live-action film. Splicing a stylistic reenactment with interview footage of the men who really attempted to commit the crime elevated what I probably would have put in the Good Tier™ to the God Tier™; seeing the guy Evan Peters is playing alongside Evan Peters playing him, now only the remnants of the arrogance we see in the reenactment left behind, sharply reminds you of the fall from grace these boys deservedly went through. Plus Barry Keoghan from The Killing of a Sacred Deer is in it, proving that unsettlingly stiff is NOT in fact his natural state.

Gerald’s Game (Mike Flanagan, 2017)

I wish there was a shorthand way to say I wrote about this in my 50 Films You Should Watch list so I’m gonna keep it short but here we are! This was great! If The Haunting of Hill House isn’t proof enough, Gerald’s Game (not to take away any credit from Stephen King) is a reminder that Mike Flanagan is the king of subtle, niggling sensation in your stomach that something is about to go very wrong horror. I hear he and Ari Aster have a timeshare situation going on with the crown.

The Ritual (David Bruckner, 2017)

Okay, so this is the film that made me realise we should all be very scared of forests. Nope, all the documentaries into the Aokigahara Forest weren’t enough, apparently. I subjected myself to this too, as if my unfit, cold-blooded, bug-fearing, scared of the dark ass doesn’t already have enough concerns about my survival odds in the great outdoors.

Really though, setting aside, this film maintains the sense of dread throughout and keeps you guessing what’s going on until the very end. Much like The Descent, the group dynamic and characters are realistic enough that it adds to the believability of a scenario I, in principle, know would never happen to the extent that I might keep away from vast, wooded spaces for a while just in case.

Dumbo (Tim Burton, 2019)

If film Twitter came across this post and saw I’d placed Dumbo in a higher tier than If Beale Street Could Talk I can only imagine the outrage. And sure, the latter is probably a much higher quality film. But sometimes a movie, for reasons you can’t quite put your finger on, gets you right in the sweet spot, and Dumbo did that for me. Maybe it was that the CGI elephant reminded me of my cat (I know, leave me alone), maybe I was emotional that day, I don’t know, all I know is that I cried like 5 times and was smiling for the rest of it-to be fair, the exploitation of animals for our entertainment is something that is still very much going on and that was something that was playing on my mind a lot whilst I was watching it. IRL Dumbos should be free too. Dumbo rights.

The VVitch (Robert Eggers, 2016)

This film taught me that there’s nothing wrong with joining a coven of young witches and getting naked and levitating around a fire. And that’s an important life lesson. Plus it gave us the quote “wouldst thou like to live deliciously?”, which is not only so perfectly creepy and simultaneously empowering that I had to get it tattooed but also, created ASMR. I just made that last bit up obviously but Black Philip getting his own ASMR Youtube channel?

The Descent (Neil Marshall, 2006)

For me, much like The Ritual, The Descent is a perfect horror film: it’s got the ghouls but the situation the characters find themselves in is also terrifying by its own merit. The reason The Descent made it onto my 50 Films list and the Ritual didn’t is because, let’s be honest, it’s 2020 and you can get mobile signal in most places. You could probably at least make a 999 call if you got lost in a forest. If you DID get stuck in an underground cave and it collapsed in on itself, you’d be pretty fucked; the idea of it makes me shudder and I will never set foot in an underground tunnel at any point in my life for any amount of money EVER after seeing this. Also, the women in this are great and the creatures in this are genuinely quite terrifying, especially the first time you see them.

Chicago (Rob Marshall, 2003)

Ah, Chicago, the last film on the God Tier™, proving that this list is in no particular order. Because WHAT A FIM. WHY DON’T PEOPLE TALK ABOUT THIS MORE?! Like don’t get me wrong, I know it deservedly won Best Picture in 2003 but I’m talking about right now! I mean, fucking Titanic is still out here getting referenced left, right and centre and yet Chicago gets paid dust! Can you tell I’m mad and that I think Titanic is hugely overrated?! Is that maybe coming across?!

ALL the songs are bops, Catherine Zeta-Jones is hot (I saw someone on Letterboxd say that Catherine Zeta-Jones in this film was their bisexual awakening and honestly, if I hadn’t already known I was a raging bisexual, same, because I FELT things in that All That Jazz opening) and Cell Block Tango is the revenge fantasy anthem I never knew I needed. Smart, tongue in cheek, beautifully shot and makes men look like little bitches which is probably why my dad hated it but what did I expect.

Good Tier

Zombieland: Double Tap (Ruben Fleischer, 2019)

Onto the first film of the good tier, Zombieland: Double Tap definitely exceeded my expectations. I was super worried about the prospect of a sequel as I love the first one so much and assumed it would be crap. Obviously, it doesn’t match up to the original because the original WAS so original, but it was still a fun, easy, witty ride. And I was SO glad they didn’t *SPOILERS AHEAD* kill off Tallahassee at the end because I really thought that was coming and it seemed so predictable and unnecessary. Highlight was the introduction of the lookalikes at Graceland.

Judy (Rupert Goold, 2019)

So, this is the first of two consecutive rants I’m about to go on about Oscar nominations and people’s reactions online. Prepare yourself.

I’ll start with the underlying message: just because you think something else deserves the praise more, doesn’t mean the film/album/*insert whatever artistic medium you wish here* that IS getting the praise is shit.

Like people are angry that Lupita Nyongo wasn’t nominated for best actress for her performance in Us which is COMPLETELY valid as she carried that film on her back. In the same vein, people are also angry that more women of colour haven’t been nominated for best actress. Also valid; I’ve yet to see The Farewell but I’ve heard great things about Akwafina’s performance and I love her so even though I haven’t seen it, I’m gonna take the general consensus that she should’ve been nominated too. The Oscars definitely has a problem with recognising the work of POC. BUT, because of this, people are angry that Renee Zellweger has been nominated for her performance in Judy, saying that it’s typical “Oscar bait”. I agree, it is typical Oscar bait. However, a lot of the people saying this will in the same breath say (or tweet rather) that they haven’t actually SEEN Judy.

How can you possibly say that Renee Zellweger doesn’t deserve any of the praise she’s getting when you haven’t even seen the film? Don’t get me wrong, the film itself is good but not outstanding (hence its place in this tier), but you can see Renee genuinely put her heart and soul into this film; it was powerful, and it was sympathetic but it was also nuanced and subtle where they could’ve just capitalised on all the sensationalised stories of the actions of a woman clearly deeply suffering in her final years and had it be full of shouting and screaming. The Wizard of Oz has always kind of felt like home to me because of the childhood nostalgia factor and so I’ve always been interested in Judy and I think Renee captured her heart and her spirit in a way she would be deeply honoured by. Maybe the film itself doesn’t deserve the acclaim it’s getting but I think Zellweger definitely deserves the nom and I think most people who’ve actually seen it wouldn’t contest that.

Joker (Todd Philipps, 2019)

Okay so second rant. I’m sorry. I have a lot of feelings. Most of them aimed at the annoying tendency of internet users, Film Twitter™ and Letterboxd users I’m looking at you in particular, to be wildly exaggerative.

There just seems to be no nuance online. It’s not just yeah, I didn’t like the film personally and the message could be perceived in a certain way by certain individuals, it’s I HATE THIS FILM AND IT’S DANGEROUS AND THE DIRECTOR FUCKING SUCKS. I noticed this trend when La La Land came out (which if I had watched last year would certainly be in God tier for me). It’s like, if a film initially receives a lot of praise and buzz, there’s almost this wave of compensatory vehement criticism in response that’s usually disproportionate to how controversial the film actually is. People didn’t like that Joker was popular because they didn’t like Joker so suddenly it’s the worst film ever and the possibility of it getting any critical acclaim is wrong. I even saw people berating Todd Philipps for channelling Martin Scorsese as he’s the only person to ever be influenced and take direction from one of the most dominant figures in film of the 20th and 21st century. I mean, what’s wrong with that?! If it was any other director, it’d be called homage. But because everything has to be seen through this malicious lens, its copying.

I think one of the few very valid criticisms about Joker was that it further perpetuates the idea that psychotic people are dangerous, and I can totally see where they’re coming from. At the same time, we have to accept that whilst the majority of people who are psychotic aren’t a danger to anyone apart from themselves, most “dangerous” people don’t just become dangerous because they thought, fuck it, why not? A lot of people in the prison system ARE suffering with some kind of mental illness. The character’s psychosis doesn’t make him dangerous, it’s his underlying resentment and sense of entitlement that grows throughout the film that makes him dangerous, and I think a lot of people seem to miss this point. They say that the way the film ends implies Philipps is justifying the actions of the films protagonist. However, we KNOW the Joker is an unreliable narrator, he’s one of pop culture’s most infamous villains and that being said, both in film and in the real world, few villains see themselves as the villain. Joker is about why HE thinks he’s justified in doing what he does, not why he IS justified in doing what he does because he’s not, and that’s pretty clear from the moment he shoots someone in the head on live TV. Honestly, I think there’s a bit of wilful misinterpretation going on because people don’t like that film

I liked Joker. It was gritty, it was interesting, and sufficiently dark. I didn’t think it was the best film of the year but I understand why it got the praise it did. Obviously, it’s okay that people disagree and DON’T like it. But can we please get a bit more well-acquainted with the middle ground?

It: Chapter Two (Andres Muschietti, 2019)

Okay, essays over. Back to regular scheduled programming of less impassioned reviews. Though I will say I deserved better than my Letterboxd comment of “so you can just fucking roast Pennwyise to death?” getting absolutely 0 traction. One day my grand total of 5 followers, one of which is my sister, will recognise my brilliance (lol).

It’s hard to say how much I really liked this as I think my perspective of how much I did enjoy it is warped by how much I disliked the first one. Child actors really aren’t my thing and the only cast members I warmed to in the first one were Finn Wolfhard and Jack Dylan Grazer whereas the cast here were a lot more likeable, imo. Bill Hader, Jessica Chastain and James Ransone were all great, with the only let down being James Mcavoy; I love him, don’t get me wrong, but I just think he was really miscast in this role.

Another thing I enjoyed a lot more about this instalment was that due to the more episodic/anthology-like/Creepshow-esque structure with each character conquering different monsters from their past individually, the narrative felt like it had a lot more direction, and it didn’t drag as much despite it having a significantly longer runtime. I haven’t read the Stephen King novels and I don’t know much of the pacing issues are down to them so this is me coming at it from a screenwriting angle but it felt as if the climax of the first film just kept going on and on. Every time I thought it had finished there’d be another confrontation between the kids and Pennywise whereas Chapter 2 seemed to have a more definitive third act and I appreciated that.

Rocketman (Dexter Fletcher, 2019)

So, here’s one where I WILL agree with the general online consensus: if Rami Malek got nominated for playing Freddie Mercury last year and Renee got nominated for playing Judy Garland, why the fuck didn’t Taron Egerton get one for playing Elton John? Why didn’t Rocketman itself get a nomination when Judy did? Though I personally preferred Judy because I’m more interested in her story, technically and narratively Rocketman is the better film in my opinion. This was so cleverly edited and sequenced and told with such a brutal honesty on Elton John’s part (it was co-produced by his husband David Furnish and he was heavily involved in everything from the set to the script), that I can only come to the conclusion that the obligatory biopic nomination only comes when the focus of said biopic is no longer with us as a kind of honorary thing. Whilst something like Bohemian Rhapsody was much more of an easy watch (which just goes to show how glossed over Freddie Mercury’s life was in the film), the way the story was told, by the time we got to I’m Still Standing that happy ending felt so earned.

Aladdin (Guy Ritchie, 2019)

You can hate all you want, Prince Ali and Never Had a Friend Like Me are fucking bops and somehow they were even better in this incarnation of the film. I was initially hesitant about Will Smith being cast but rather than trying to impersonate Robin Williams he went his own route and it really worked. He was the highlight of the film. It was undeniably visually stunning too. Madonna’s ex did good.

Us (Jordan Peele, 2019)

Ah, I feel so conflicted when it comes to Us. Like, there were some really strong points and it’s definitely a good standalone horror movie. It’s just you can’t help but compare it to Get Out, and with that unsatisfactory exposition dump ending, I left feeling so disappointed. It seemed to me that Jordan Peele got in a bit over his head here with trying to tie such a vague social metaphor and the actual in-universe plot together, and so ended up leaving both a bit half-baked. He tried to OutPeele himself and for me, it didn’t work.

The doppelgängers were so scary as this ambiguous, vaguely threatening presence that if you are gonna give us a full blown, sit down explanation of why they exist it needs to be really bloody good. And this explanation didn’t make much sense. For example, *SPOILERS AHEAD* I imagine that the tethered just not being able to walk up the escalator into the “real world” was supposed to be some kind of metaphor for social mobility but it’s not fleshed out enough to work. In our world, there are REASONS why the idea of social mobility is flawed. In the film, it’s just like gee, if they chose to just walk up the escalator and go on this murderous rampage now, why couldn't they have decided to do it years ago back before they all lost their fucking minds? Why were they just copying the originals for all those years? HOW did they know what they were doing? See, the metaphor as I understand it is supposed to be that we depend on the oppression of others like us in order to maintain our social status, but not only is this kind of too general a statement to try and use a feature length film to make, I don’t really understand how this dynamic works within the narrative of the film. Technically, there's nothing to stop the tethered and the originals co-existing apart from the tethered deciding not to walk up the fucking escalator. We’re not talking a bourgeoisie-proletariat relationship here. The explanation of it all just being a “government project gone wrong” was too vague seeing as the plot working seemed prior to this to hinge onto something vaguely supernatural and the eventual plan of the doppelgängers seemingly had no purpose or application to the real world like the climax of Get Out did. It just left me feeling kind of like...why? Why did this all happen? When the ending and the twist was that predictable (the old Pretty Little Liars finale style twin switcheroo was blatantly obvious from the mother’s “it’s like she’s a different person” line near the beginning, let’s be real), I was expecting some final revelation that flipped my expectation on its head or at least felt helped things click into place. Instead, it seemed a bit hamfisted and like I was supposed to feel things were deeper and more significant than they actually were.

All that being said, I appreciate that if anyone other than the writer of Get Out had come out with this movie, I probably wouldn’t have these issues. Us was funny, it was fresh, and the concept of doppelgängers is something I’m so glad to see brought back into our modern pop culture database. The people are right, Lupita was incredible in this and it is a travesty that she didn’t get nominated. My sister, who was so creeped out by her vocal performance that she had her fingers in her ears every time Red spoke, still won’t let me attempt an impression of it. And that Fuck the Police sequence? Iconic.

On the Basis of Sex (Mimi Leder, 2019)

I apologise in advance for the shittiest “review” I’ll ever write, but honestly I can’t remember all too much about this film other than it being good. Ruth Bader Ginsburg, I’m sorry. You’re a cool lady.

If Beale Street Could Talk (Barry Jenkins, 2019)

EURGH, THIS WAS SUCH A BEAUTIFUL FIM. The score, the shots, the rawness. I imagine it’s devastatingly real. Like, *SPOILERS AHEAD* you think there’s going to be a happy ending but there’s not. It should be disappointing but it’s an honest choice. And side note: fuck those annoying middle aged white ladies in the seats behind me and my friend who lost their shit and started giggling every time the N-word was used, JFC. I hate living in a Tory stronghold.

Cam (Daniel Goldhaber, 2018)

So, as I said, I’m a fan of the whole doppelgänger thing. It freaks me out. The point in this film where the protagonist is approaching her bedroom door whilst she watches HERSELF livestreaming from inside that same bedroom had my heart in my mouth wondering what she was going to encounter on the other side. And you see, the ending of this was a lot more ambiguous than the ending of Us, so I should’ve had less questions. Whilst I’ve seen other people saying it WAS unsatisfactory and that they felt like we were owed more of an explanation, I liked the simplicity of the answer we got and the wiggle room it leaves for our own interpretation. The way I see it, given that we were told by the fan the protagonist meets with in the motel room that *SPOILERS AHEAD* it was a case of some kind of software copying these women’s likenesses to steal their viewers and thus their profits, is that Cam is a kind of a commentary on the capitalist exploitation of women’s bodies and the demand for (and desensitisation towards) sexually violent content; we don't necessarily need to know who is behind the virtual cloning, which is terrifyingly believable given how realistic some of the deepfakes I’ve seen are, because it doesn’t matter. We're basically told money is the motive and we know the kind of lengths some people will go, and someone DID go to in Cam, to in order to make a shitload of money and that’s as true in real life as it is scary. On the other hand, if you want to believe there’s a more supernatural presence behind the events of the film, there’s enough left to the imagination that you can go down that route too. Some films are better left un-exposition dumped and this is the proof. My one criticism, is that, like many films, it would be even better if directed by a woman; I’ve seen people say that its portrayal of online sex work isn’t entirely accurate and though I can’t say with certainty that women working in this industry weren’t consulted in the first place, I imagine a female director would not only be more likely to listen to their concerns but could translate the confusion and fear that comes with being expected to makes oneself sexually desirable to get ahead in the world but then shamed and used for doing so even more viscerally. A few tweaks and it’d be God Tier.

Colette (Wash Westmoreland, 2019)

The costumes, sets, and Keira were so, so stunning. Also it was just an inspiring, beautiful story. The navigation of womanhood, so called “deviant” sexuality and self-expression against the backdrop of early 20th century Paris with a load of Edwardian era tailoring thrown in, it’s everything I could possibly want and more; 10/10 moodboard content.

The Boy (William Brent Bell, 2016)

I can’t believe this film was made in 2016, and it almost makes me move it down to mid tier based on the fact that a lot of the allowances I made for cheese factor I made on the assumption it came out earlier in the decade. BUT, that being said, I was creeped out for a good portion of this film. Most horrors I watch and I’m probably a bit too chilled (a head comes off or some witchy ass ghost screams into the camera and my only thought is some kind of judgement of the SFX), and yet I felt like watching this behind my hands. I don’t know what it is about dolls and puppets, Chucky was my childhood fear even though I never actually watched the film, but something about the uncanny valley of it all makes me just spend the whole time they’re on screen silently praying they don’t start moving or talking. So in a way, given the resolution of the film *SPOILERS AHEAD*, the premise of The Boy was actually a lot scarier to me than the reveal of what was really going on. Someone hiding in my walls? NBD. That demons are real and that they live inside creepy old dolls? Terrifying. Why does everybody I debate this with disagree!? You can't call the police on a demon! At least with a human being you can stick them with the pointy ending of something! Regardless, I enjoyed the journey and trying to work out how things would end and if there IS anybody secretly living inside my house right now, even if you are a supposedly dead murderous family member (last time I checked I didn’t have any of those so I should be all good), kindly vacate. Thanks.

Oprhan (Jaume Collet-Serra, 2009)

So the fact that this film is based on a real life case makes this all the more terrifying. It was a bit campy and tacky at times but the shot of *SPOILERS AHEAD* Esther taking off her makeup in the mirror and revealing her true age will always be iconic. Plus I love Vera Farmiga, even though I did struggle to see her as anyone other than Norma Bates.

First Reformed (Paul Schrader, 2018)

A hauntingly beautiful film with a lot of room for interpretation. There were so many gorgeous shots and so much subtext, this is proper 10/10 media studies essay material.

The Invitation (Karyn Kusama, 2015)

I would say the concept and implications of this film, which don’t fully hit you til the final shots, are a lot better than the film itself. It feels very realistic though and is definitely tense.

As Above, So Below (John Erick Dowdle, 2014)

I was so stoned when I watched this that a lot of the allegory and Dante’s inferno references went straight over my head, and it just seemed absolutely balls to the wall wild. I couldn’t buy that the characters would just KEEP GOING either when things began to get terrifying, like people in horror films really out here making the most nonsensical decisions and it drives me mad. But anyway, it was definitely entertaining and there’s a lot more to it in terms of plot and mythology than most similar quality horrors and I appreciate that

Climax (Gaspar Noe, 2018)

Climax is an interesting one that I think I’ll have to watch again to judge how much I truly like it. As with Us, I know it’s a good film, but I think my expectations of what it was going to be left me slightly disappointed. See, when I read about the premise I assumed that the horror was going to come from seeing the perspective of the characters on said acid trip and that leaves so much room for any kind of terrifying visuals you want whether that be something based in realism or fucked up creatures of the imagination. Buuuuut, it wasn’t that at all; at no point does Climax take place from the first person perspective of any of the characters. Similar to Darren Aronofsky’s Mother, the horror comes from not being able to do anything but watch as everyone starts losing their minds and the situation gets increasingly more dire. It’s pure stress; the acting is so unnervingly good that you really do feel like you’re watching some unintentionally horrific incident take place. That’s not a bad thing-I like it when films make me feel something intense, whether that emotion be positive or negative. It was just a different viewing experience to the one I had precipitated.

Mid Tier

Nativity (Debbie Isitt, 2009)

I find Mr.Poppy hilarious. Does that make me a child? Probably. I’m not really one for Christmas movies but this one’s alright.

Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark (André Øvredal, 2019)

I get that it’s based off a book so it’s not exactly like the “monsters” were a secret in the first place, but for those of us who didn’t read the Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark books as a kid, my main beef with this film was that they basically revealed all of said monsters in the trailer. Like how It: Chapter 2 spoiled the scene with Beverly in the old lady’s apartment but with EVERY. SINGLE. CREATURE. The only one that wasn’t was the “jangly man” and the only takeaway I have from him is the “jangly in the streets, but is he jangly in the sheets?” Letterboxd comment I read afterwards. Like the creature designs are the selling point of this film and by showing us them all before we’ve even seen it, any anticipation that would’ve built up from their reveal was kind of gone. Plus, it definitely felt like the writers were trying to ride on the hype train of “It” when they wrote this-only they made it even more childish. I mean, I know it was classed as PG-13 in the US which is maybe part of the reason it was so tame but the Woman in Black was a 12 when it was released here and it could be the bias of my 13 year old brain but I remember that being terrifying to watch in the cinema.

Also, I found it weird how *SPOILERS AHEAD* a couple of the main characters died and there didn’t really seem to be any consequences? Idk, maybe that’s because I found them all a bit one dimensional but I’ve seen others make the same criticism so I don’t think so.

Don’t get me wrong, this wasn’t a BAD film. It just wasn’t super good.

Charlie’s Angels (Elizabeth Banks, 2019)

I’ve never seen the 2000s Charlie’s Angels so I really don’t have anything to compare to, but I don’t think this was THAT bad. I was fairly entertained throughout and I enjoyed Naomi Scott and Kristen Stewart’s characters. My main issue was the unnecessary inclusion of Noah Centineo, and that weird ass montage at the beginning of stock video shots of girls just...doing miscellaneous things. Why, Elizabeth Banks, why!?

Toy Story 4 (Josh Cooley, 2019)

In some ways, I see why Toy Story 4 was narratively necessary: co-dependency had been a running theme throughout and we needed to see Woody (I feel stupid saying this considering he’s a fucking toy but allow it) realise that he can exist independently of Andy, and that there’s more to life than pleasing somebody else. The way Toy Story 4 ended felt like a satisfying conclusion to his character arc, and as well as the animation being top tier, Forky was a hilarious addition to the cast. However, I don’t think it carried the emotional weight of the 3rd Toy Story, which I think people had accepted as the last instalment and had used to say goodbye to the franchise, and therefore the sceptic in me thinks that the obvious purpose of this addition was a cash grab. I don’t doubt that a lot of people worked incredibly hard on it-I’m just saying that the propelling force behind the film probably wasn’t “the people need to see Woody’s character growth” and that was quite apparent throughout.

Doctor Sleep (Mike Flanagan, 2019)

There were some really beautiful scenes in Doctor Sleep; the astral projection sequences in particular were magnificent and I loved Rebecca Ferguson as the villain. Stylistically, though I didn’t find out he was the director until I was writing this up, you can definitely tell it’s Mike Flanagan, and like I’ve said, he does horror very tastefully. Unfortunately, I just wasn’t all that interested in the premise and I wasn’t hugely invested in grown up Danny Torrance either. The execution was great and the return to the Overlook was brilliant, of course, but the story just wasn’t for me and nothing much sticks out as being a particularly intriguing plot point.

Mary Queen of Scots (Josie Rourke, 2019)

What to say about Mary Queen of Scots other than...yeah, it was alright. I mean, I really should’ve liked it more than I did, because these specific events were part of the Edexcel A-Level history curriculum (Can I get some Rebellion and Disorder Under the Tudors students representation up in here!?) and I usually love seeing history translated onto screen, plus it centred around Margot Robbie and Saoirse Ronan. It was just very...meh. I feel like there’s so much more complex a story here than was told. Both women were undoubtedly a lot more complicated than this film made them out to be and I think to reduce Mary Queen of Scots to a Mary Sue-ish heroine was a disappointing choice. Plus, if we’re gonna talk historical accuracy (which all the racists came out of their caves to discuss at the time), Mary and Elizabeth never actually met; I’m sure there was a more creative way to explore their dynamic than by forcing an interaction that never actually happened.

Apostle (Gareth Evans, 2018)

There were elements of this film I really liked; the mythology behind the cult, I.E what the townsfolk actually worshipped when you stripped away all the secrecy was pretty interesting. However, I felt it depended too much on atmosphere and not enough on plot, and I didn’t warm to any of the characters.

Searching (Aneesh Chaganty, 2018)

It’s difficult because technically, Searching is obviously an ingenious film. My issue is the way it ended, which was imo, super anti-climatic, and honestly pretty predictable in that it seemed like the writers just went out of their way *SPOILERS AHEAD* to make the culprit the person viewers would’ve ruled out by default for shock value, and then work out WHY that person was the culprit from there. I was expecting something a lot darker to be behind the protagonist’s daughter’s disappearance-irl, these situations usually are-and so maybe it’s just me being a bit of a sadist but I was disappointed by how things resolved themselves.

Deliver Us from Evil (Scott Derrickson, 2014)

So, this isn’t boring. It’s interesting to have a horror navigated through the lens of something as procedural as a police investigation. But ultimately, the acting isn’t great, there’s very few scary moments, and it’s a little cheesy. As horrors go, it’s pretty shallow-it is what it says on the tin.

Dumplin’ (Anne Fletcher, 2018)

I watched this right at the beginning of the year and I can’t remember all too much about it, but I remember not hating it? See, looking at the cast, Odeya Rush and Dove Cameron are both in it which would suggest I’d come away hating MYSELF instead but yeah...I got nothing.

Lights Out (David F.Sandberg, 2016)

The concept is very scary, the execution not so much, and the actual storyline is a little cheesy. I found myself just being like OH MY GOD, IT’S BELLA’S DAD FROM TWILIGHT! And then *SPOILERS AHEAD* getting mad that they did Charlie Swan dirty like that by killing him off in the first 10/15 minutes.

The Goldfinch (John Crowley, 2019)

So I LOVED the book of The Goldfinch. I read it after the Secret History and even though most people seem to prefer the latter, the former hit me right in the sweet spot. The length was almost one of my favourite things about it; I felt by the end that I came to know the character so well he felt like someone I knew in real life. When I heard Ansel Elgort was cast as Theo, I was really happy; I’m not necessarily a huge fan of him as an actor, I've only ever seen him in shitty teen-y dramas which I forced myself to like at the time E.G. The Fault in Our Stars and Divergent, but he looks kind of exactly how I pictured Theo looking. Almost like an Evanna Lynch as Luna Lovegood situation. And then honestly, the actual film came around, and I found myself much preferring the young Theo sections. I get that Theo is quite a muted character and I hate to properly slate anyone’s performance, but Ansel as him felt a bit flat. The casting in general was pretty whack; I love Nicole Kidman but she didn’t feel right as Mrs.Barbour and it seemed that they added a lot to her character to the detriment of Hobie’s character who was a much bigger part of Theo’s life in the book. Also, can we talk about Finn Wolfhard as Boris? I’m sorry, but that accent was godawful. Really bad. Boris’ accent was always supposed to be kind of ambiguous but this was just butchered Russian. Another gripe that my friend and I, who also read the book, had with the Vegas section of the film (which was otherwise probably the best part) was that they never properly explored the complexity of Boris and Theo’s relationship. Obviously I’m not saying that I want 2 minors to shoot a sex scene but it could have been referenced when they reunite as adults because the kiss on the head when they part in Vegas seemed misleadingly platonic. It was heavily implied in the book that there was some kind of love that went beyond friendship between the two and I didn’t get that in the film at all.

Ultimately, when you try and adapt a book as long as the Goldfinch, you’re always going to have some pacing issues and people complaining that things were left out or that X or Y character didn’t have enough screen time. But in ways, I think the fault here was trying to stay TOO faithful in the limited time available. They definitely could have focussed less on certain relationships and more on others, and when it comes down to it, I think we lost a lot of the grittiness of the original book for the sake of pretty visuals.

Once Upon a Time in Hollywood (Quentin Tarantino, 2019)

Don’t get me wrong, this would 100% be in shit tier if it wasn’t for the last hour or so of the film and all the Manson lore which is so disappointing because I love Tarantino films and I love that era. As for the first couple of hours, I loved the vibe and I love Margot Robbie, and I think it was very respectful towards the Tate family (if anything radiated through the screen more than anything else it was Sharon Tate’s sweetness), but I just wasn’t that invested in Leo or Brad’s characters-it all just felt a bit pointless. I really like Brad Pitt and even that couldn’t really save it for me. Maybe if you took away the remaining 2 hours and 20 minutes of Leo DiCaprio making vague allusions to his own career to a girl only slightly younger than the combined age of all girlfriends past I’d enjoy it more but then I don’t think there’d be much footage left. I guess we should just be grateful that Tarantino managed to refrain from unnecessarily sprinkling the N-word into every other line of his script this time, right?

Also.

SO. MANY. FEET.

But then again, this did result in Brad publicly mocking Tarantino’s foot fetish during his speech at the SAG awards so...I’ll allow it. Sometimes kink shaming is okay. Especially when it’s this guy:

Isn’t it Romantic (Todd Strauss-Schulson, 2019)

I guess as romantic comedies go it wasn’t AWFUL because it was self-aware but still just not my cup of tea and it didn’t really make me laugh. Plus, I feel like it did just follow the plot of a conventional rom-com in the end so...what was it all for, you know?

Green Room (Jeremy Saulnier, 2016)

I think my disappointment with this film was a case of too high expectations. It wasn’t as gory as I hoped, in fact, there was very little on screen gore at all. I was just expecting something very messed up and I didn’t get that. But then again we did get Maeby from Arrested Development singing a fuck Nazis song so I guess that was a nice surprise?

Shit Tier

Birdbox (Susanne Bier, 2018)

First the disappointment of the Goldfinch, and now Birdbox (although they were chronologically the other way round but for the sake of this review, let’s just ignore that). It really is a bad year for bird films.

It’s weird because when this first came out I remember everyone hyping it up and making memes about it and stuff and then I actually watched it and dear god, it was boring. Honestly, who paid you lot to pretend you cared enough about it enough to make content? And where can I get in on this action?

I mean it didn’t start off terribly but then they killed off SARAH FUCKING PAULSON and somehow managed to make SANDRA FUCKING BULLOCK unlikeable. How does one do that? The mind baffles.

Pet Sematary (Kevin Kolsch & Dennis Widmyer, 2019)

The kid acting was bad, the leads were meh and there wasn’t one creepy moment. This should be SO MUCH MORE hard hitting than it actually was given the subject matter and it just fell completely flat. I will say, though, *SPOILERS AHEAD* that the ending was appropriately doom and gloom and even though I’ve seen lots of others say they hate it it was probably the only thing I actually liked.

The Lion King (Jon Favreau, 2019)

Seth Rogen and Billie Eichner were the only good things about this which is sad because I fucking love Donald Glover and I was so excited when he was cast as Simba. Like, it was pretty but empty and unnecessary and I’m not one of these people who think CGI remakes always have to be this way-I loved Dumbo and I liked the live-action Jungle Book too! I just think the people who made this cared too much about good CGI and realism and less about heart. There was no personality whatsoever and it’s such a waste when you think about the fact that they had Donald and Beyonce on board.

Red Sparrow (Francis Lawrence, 2018)

Eurgh, I hated this. I think Jennifer Lawrence is stunning and I usually love her films but every shot of her in this felt so male-gaze oriented, even the ones which were sexually violent, which I found to be completely unnecessary in the first place. At times it felt almost torture-porn-y which was not what I expected at all seeing as the marketing made it seem like some kind of female empowerment movie.

It Comes at Night (Trey Edward Shults, 2017)

I literally can’t remember fucking anything from this film. Clearly there is a very, very fine line between atmospheric and boring.

Warm Bodies (Jonathan Levine, 2013)

Maybe it’s because I watched this about 6 years too late and the whole human-girl-falls-in-love-with-supernatural-creature hype train has long since left the station but I couldn’t even finish it. Cutesy necrophilia ain’t for me, sorry Nicholas Hoult. Still love ya. You’ll always be Tony Stonem to me xoxo

Million Dollar Baby (Clint Eastwood, 2005)

I’m pretty sure this movie won a lot of awards so I’m sure this is a very unpopular opinion but the way this film ended was so...depressing. SO depressing. Did it have to be THAT depressing? The Always Sunny in Philadelphia episode outsold.

This is the range Oscar winning actress Hilary Swank wishes she had.

Would You Rather (David Guy Levy, 2013)

Started off well but became cheesy and predictable as it went on. The acting wasn’t great either plus there was another unnecessary attempted rape scene here too.

Christmas with the Kranks (Joe Roth, 2004)

So I watched this movie in the run up to Christmas because my best friend and her mum were referencing it like it was this cult classic (which I guess for some reason it is?) and I’m sorry to her and her mum but what the hell is this shit?! It’s not even so bad it’s good. It’s just bad.

The plot, the characters, EVERYTHING, it’s ridiculous on every level. I wasn’t into it enough to suspend my disbelief that anyone’s neighbours would actually care THAT much that they weren’t celebrating Christmas. Go on your damn cruise, take me with you whilst you're at it, ease my seasonal depression! I wouldn’t mind so much if it was funny or if the protagonists were likeable but it wasn’t and they’re not. Nobody’s actions made any sense. It didn’t put me in the Christmas spirit at all it just made me angry that Jamie Lee Curtis’ agent made her do this shit. She’s a scream queen goddess and she deserves better.

ANYWAY.

I’m now realising that I should have started on shit tier and worked my way up to god tier because now this post has ended on the rather sour note of me getting worked up over Christmas with the Kranks, lol. As always, these are just my opinions and I love to hear other people’s; when it comes to something like this, it’s all a matter of preference and there really isn’t a right or wrong answer, so I’m open to discussion!

With the Oscars less than a week away now I rushed a little to get this out on time, so apologies in advance if anything doesn’t make any sense or there’s any typos, I will look back over it at some point over the next couple of days to check.

But if you read to the end thank you! And stay tuned for my overview of Paris Haute Couture Week S/S 2020 if that’s something you’re interested in as that will most likely be next post!

Lauren x

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