#it’s me and my husband and despite the rain one of our friends is still coming and she’s dragging a coworker along
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#everybody hope that the weather isn’t as bad as the weather guy said it was gonna be today for me#I tend to work saturdays and ren faire tickets have to be bought in advance so it’s kinda hard planning a trip there#when I have to request off two weeks in advance :/#we’ve been lucky and have had good weather for our past trips but it’s supposed to be rainy windy and cold today#but the pa ren faire is rain shine and we have out tickets sooo#I am going to be so soggy ._.#but! I am excited!!!!#I love the ren faire I’m so stoked#here’s hoping the weather’s not as bad as what they’re calling for#the forecast actually improved a bit yesterday so I’m still a little hopeful#I’m like 95% positive the joust will be cancelled tho which kind of sucks#I wish we lived closer- I would just buy a season pass and go every weekend#but it’s an hour and a half away :/#which like might be doable but less so with me working saturdays frequently#we gonna have a good time anyways tho!!!#it’s me and my husband and despite the rain one of our friends is still coming and she’s dragging a coworker along#the adventures of the disaster trio + coworker#me + my husband + our friend all met in 3rd grade so we’ve all known each other since we were 8 and like#idk you put us together and it’s instant chaos#idk where our brain cells go#we’re adding mead into this mix sooooooo more chaos 👁👄👁#fuck the rain we gonna have a HECKIN good time anyways!!!#I am so hyped you have no idea#I have been looking forward to this for like two months
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(absolutely lovely dividers by @cafekitsune <3)
Fluff- ☀️ Angst- 🌧️ Angst w/ comfort- 🌦️ Moodboard- 🌨️
Requests- open!
last updated- 5/10/24
Flufftober -
one fic for everyday of october based around a fluffy prompt, (im sure we all know the drill by now <3)
Long Gone[e.p] ☀️ - emily and reader share their first kiss in the after hours of the bau
Rainy Love [s.r]☀️ - y/n has always loved the rain, and decides to share that love with spencer (ps this was idea was inspired by a fic by the lovely user @ssa-atlas-alvez <3)
I’ll Remember for us [s.r] ☀️ - the team goes to Los Angeles, and y/n (the ever emotionless and stone cold profiler with a soft spot for spencer) is chasing an unsub when they fight and falls, getting a concussion and fractured wrist, spencer is there for him. (no prior romantic relationship, just friends)
Rain Soaked Sleep [s.r] ☀️ - Y/n and Spencer get home after a long week at the BAU and a rainy drive home, ready to fall asleep to the sound of rain.
Oh How I Love Loving You[s.r] ☀️ - Y/n and spencer share their first dance as a married couple at their fall wedding in y/ns hometown in new england
Softest Curls in All the Kingdom [s.r] ☀️ - Y/n enjoys playing with spencers hair on jet back home
“They’re Ours!” [s.r] ☀️ - My HC's around Spencer and sharing clothes over the course of your relationship.
There’s nothing wrong with being different[s.r] ☀️ - Spencer and his husband talk to their daughter when she gets in trouble for punching someone (daughter is 10)
Soaked in Adoration[s.r] ☀️ - My HC's around spencer and bathing/showering with his partner
“For Me?”[s.r] ☀️ - Y/n brings spencer an early Christmas gift relating to their shared special interest of the sci-fi fantasy series Dune
“You do this everyday?”[s.r] ☀️ - y/n has a pretty popular cooking channel and one day after y/n doesnt edit out spencer givving y/n a kiss when he gets home the fans go crazy wanting a video where you bake together so you make a vid answering questions while making a fall recipe
Love in the form of paper[s.r] ☀️ - Spencer tries to teach his best friend how to make an origami heart- but y/n still struggles
“Lend me some vanilla?” [s.r] ☀️ - Y/n goes to spencers house to ask spencer if he has any vanilla extract when theres a possible gas leak and no ones allowed to leave their aparment until the morning when someone can come check it out...
Sneaky snuggles [s.r] ☀️ -y/n is woken up to a surprise of his boyfriend being home- despite the fact that his case was supposed to run at least another day or two.
The good days [s.r] ☀️ - spencer and y/n go stargazing, and y/n indulges spencer with facts about his special interest- astronomy
Protector[s.r] ☀️ - after an unsub tries to hurt y/n, spencer steps in.
Lover -
the love story of y/n l/n and Spencer Reid
Ours ☀️ - Spencer finally has a conversation with the boy on the train
Enchanted 🌦️ - Spencer's insecurities grow in his friendship with y/n when he finds out about Gina
More coming soon…
Criminal Minds -
“They’re ours!”[s.r] ☀️ - Sharing clothes with Spencer Reid
BAU/Autism [s.r] ☀️ - How the team supports you and your autism
Soaked in adoration [s.r] ☀️ - Bath time with spencer headcannons
Dating Aaron [a.h] ☀️ - what would it be like to date Aaron Hotchner?
More coming soon…
Criminal Minds -
Like we always do [s.r] 🌦️ - (request) after Spencer proposes to his partner they decide they have to tell Spencer what they had been thinking about for months- and Spencer is always ready to support his partner
Communication issues [s.r] ☀️ - reader is from France and lived there until he was 11/12 and then moved to america and his first language is french. He also has a little bit of an accent. Basically reader is new to the team and it is their first late night back home on the jet with him. And basically they learn that when hes tired he reverts back to his mother tongue.
The fencer [s.r]☀️ - reader is a fencer and is competing in the 2023 mens saber nationals and spencer invites the team to cheer on his boyfriend. (Could be read as ftm) (Also spencer is like low key autistic in this)
Smart cookie [s.r]☀️ - (request) reader asks for readers help with a new tattoo he wants, and when reader calls Spencer a smart cookie Spencer gets flustered, and reader can't help himself
Love like a fathers [s.r]🌦️ - (request) Y/n gets hurt protecting spencer from an unsub, and they spend some time together in the hospital.
Flashback [s.r]🌦️ - spencer discusses his thoughts around having kids with his spouse after putting their daughter Diana to bed (written for @cmgiftexchange)
New Years Kiss [s.r]☀️ - You and Spencer share a New Years kiss at Rossi's house to celebrate
The Little Things [a.h]☀️ - (request) you notice all the little things Aaron does for you everyday (could be read as romantic or platonic)
Fantozzi [s.r] ☀️ - (request) The BAU decides to have a movie night at Rossi's house, and Spencer you and Spencer find a quiet corner to sit in. You both fall asleep and cuddling ensues..
Glitter Girl [p.g] ☀️ - (request) Penelope and her best friend share some banter over the phone
French Press Coffee [s.r] 🌦️ - (request) Spencer insist you take a break despite your objections
Embrace [s.r] 🌦️ - spencer doesnt feel like hes anything more than his intelligence, but ethan proves him wrong.
Home is with him [s.r] 🌦️ - Spencer comes home to find you struggling, and does his best to help
More coming soon
MCU -
Ill always be here [m.j]🌦️ - you come out to your parents and they kick you out after your dad slaps you but mj comforts you and lets you stay with her.
“You know your really pretty?” [m.j]☀️ - its late and y/n cant sleep so theyre ranting to MJ, its basically just a bunch of fluff crammed into a couple paragraphs
More coming soon...
Criminal Minds -
An indie fall with Spencer [s.r] 🌨️ - (request) A moodboard for an indie fall with spencer <3
A rainy day in with Spencer [s.r] 🌨️ - a moodboard for a rainy day inside with Spencer <3
College professor AU [s.r] 🌨️ - a moodboard for a college professor spencer reid <3
One car [b.a.u] ☀️ - in which all the members of the BAU are stuck in one car for a little while
"your my pillow now" [s.r] ☀️ - spencer reid x male reader
"I can still feel you" [s.r] 🌧️ - spencer reid x gn!reader
More coming soon…
#criminal minds#spencer reid#bau#bau team#fluff#gay#spencer reid x reader#flufftober#spencer reid x male reader#criminal minds master list#BAU master list#spencer reid master list#master list#master post#moodboard#fanfic#angst with comfort#oneshot#headcannon#marvel#MJ#Michelle jones#spider man#spencer reid x gn reader#spencer reid x ftm reader#mj x gn reader
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Just saw that you're feeling a little down. So I'll try taking your head out of it for a minute.
I'm wondering do you have any other ideas for Toto/Christian (one where they are happy in it at least. Not like the cheating au 😅)
And if it's not too much, can you do a headcanon about Toto/Christian and 4433 please?
I hope this help with you feeling down 🤍
Thank you for asking, and I'm happy to report that your ask works! 🤗
Oh, Toto/Christian my beloved! And yes, I have ideas for their happiness, especially with baby Max!
Au where baby Max is diabetic!
Christian and Toto decided to take their five-year-old Maxy to the Austrian Grand Prix, since he's be able to have Mick and Michael (yes, he's not a coma) around him. They made sure to watch Max's blood sugar levels before they even thought of getting ready, packed snacks, drinks and insulin and watched as Max has a hard time deciding what stuffed friend he wants to take with him.
It's not only Toto's home race (curse his Austrian heighty ass) but also Red Bull's home race, so both teams are giddy with the aspect of a good and fun home race (and the fact that their little chaos named Max would finally be at a race track).
Max, dressed in rubber boots and a raincoat, stands in front of his mountain of fuzzy, furry and round stuffed friends, contemplating what friend has the privilege to come with him. "I don' wanna leave you alone," he pouts while carefully tugging on his shark plush.
Suddenly, he gets picked up and lifted high above the ground, Toto had snug into his room and smiles brightly. "My little Spatz learns how to fly, how wonderful that is!" Both laugh and giggle, their mood could be felt all over the hotel room and the rain couldn't ruin it for them.
"Toto, don't drop him," Christian walks in, dressed in his Red Bull stuff and carrying the "Max Deluxe Bag". "We need him for our strategy, Ferrari might be on our butts and we need our secret weapon."
"Momma!" Max squeals and stretches out his arms towards Christian, the stuffed friend still tightly held. "Papa make me fly! I am bigger than you!"
Yeah, Max is higher up than Christian is tall, but if your husband and wonderful father of the little miracle is around 20 centimetres taller than yourself, it is to no wonder. "Oh, are you? Then I guess you are too big for a tickle kiss. How bad," he sighs dramatically and turns around for effect, only hearing Toto's and Max's shocked gasps in response.
A short moment passes and hurried tiny footsteps rush towards him, small arms holding onto Christian's pants while Toto's arms sneak around his waist. "Not fair," both whine and Christian laughs, heart feeling warm and full of love.
Despite everything that had went wrong or complicated in their lives, Christian and Toto enjoy moments like these in large quantities and qualities, their little ball of energy never seizing to amaze them.
The only thing that breaks the moment is a high-pitched bark and a young dog running towards Max, tongue already all over the boy's face and the happiness in Christian expanding all over to Toto. Yeah, their life together is perfect right now, in their hotel room in Austria, with their sun and dog and their love for one another.
As for headcanons, I would say that Lewis and Max often times get caught making out or just being super toothrottingly cute in private/team intern. They get scolded but never stop, so whenever someone sees them, they'll just ignore them.
With Christian and Toto, it's the same though, just in team principle style (and, to everyone's horror, s lot kinkier). Max always jokes around that Lewis is the vanilla version of Toto while he is the vanilla version of Christian.
Another headcanon is that Max is actually viewed as Christian's and Toto's son, so Lewis was super worried at first when Max and he started dating (all those super protective dads all over the internet didn't help). It was a surprise for him when Toto sank onto his knees and thanked him for finally shutting up their son about how mich he loves him. Max terrorised Toto with his crushing on Lewis while Christian just loves every second of it 😂
#nugget asks#4433#lewis/max#mawis#max verstappen#lewis hamilton#toto/christian#toto wolff#christian horner#diabetic baby max#i love fluffy toto/christian moments but i also love their angst potential <3
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tagged by my bestie @mebiselfandi!!! thank you for thinking a me bro <3
rules: share the first lines of your ten most recent fanfics and tag ten people. if you have written less than ten, don't be shy and share anyways.
i do not have ten. but anyways:
pokemon ashen frost - Homecoming
“C’mon, I know they’re around here somewhere-”
“If you lost them-”
“I didn’t lose them!”
“We travel around the entire world without losing a single hotel keycard, but right here, on our front porch, is where my wife finally-”
“Got ‘em.” Josefina said, sticking her tongue out at her husband’s nagging, and dangling her keys in front of his face for good measure. She got a solid, healthy eye roll out of Miguel.
2. mullendowski - champagne problems
A little box weighed heavy in Robert’s jacket pocket.
He stood alone outside, hyping himself up before going to join the rest of his teammates in the venue they rented out for the holiday party. It was a refined building in an even more refined neighborhood, only the very best for the biggest club in Germany.
Robert fished the box out of his pocket and cracked it open. He didn’t know why he felt the need to check on it, as if it could have magically disappeared on the way over. Maybe it was for the reminder that the day he had waited so long for was finally here.
3. alisson/virgil - the cure for sadness (warmth)
Kirkby’s atmosphere the days leading up to the Southampton game was bittersweet, to say the least.
That’s how all teams are before the last game of the season, but for Liverpool it was especially so. The team was tight-knit, much more so than their Premier League adversaries, so losing not one, but four teammates, hit hard. Everyone went about their day with the knowledge that their family was about to get four men smaller, and they were treasuring the time they had with them.
Despite emotions running high, Virgil, calm as ever, managed to stay level headed during the last days of the season. Sure, during the team’s family dinner every night, he would think about how much he would miss his friends who were leaving, but training took his mind off it.
4. unnamed (platonic) trent n robbo project i jus started working on
After a long and strenuous season, the boys deserved a break. They had earned a vacation in which they could let loose and not worry about staying in good form or waking up for training the next day.
Which is how Liverpool Football Club ended up in Vegas for a long weekend.
After the second night of drinking and gambling, Cody, Darwin, and Jordan found themselves trudging back to their hotel from the casino that the rest of their teammates had left hours prior. They had all been drinking in moderation, so the trudging was more due to the fact that it was well past two in the morning. Still, the city was as alive as it had been twelve hours previously. The scents of rain and alcohol lingered in the air and the sidewalk still had a shine to it.
tagging some fic writing pals: @calm-smol @liverpoolfanfiction @rubybecker-rb2
#yinnys the only one whos read the first one so thank you my ashen frost buddy <3 the fic is on my ao3 tho#if any a yall are into pokemon i IMPLORE you to play ashen frost#pokemon#pokemon ashen frost#mullendowski#mullerdowski#müllendowski#müllerdowski#thomas muller#robert lewandowski#bayern munich#liverpool fc#lfc#liverpool#alisson becker#virgil van djik#trent alexander arnold#andrew robertson
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Improvements
My husband is back up and running. Thank goodness. We had such an amazing weekend. Baby boy had a Bday party Friday night. About 20 people. It was raining so we moved it inside. He was relatively calm. He hid under the table when they sang Happy Birthday. For months he's been talking about his Bday cake. His eyes were huge with excitement when we went to pick it up. He said the song was too loud when he generally loves loud. Anyway, he was still happy to eat it. Happy at the party.
Saturday we were going to take him to Sesame Place but it was raining. Inlaws took the girls. We took him to a big science center in Jersey. Then a play place. He was well behaved at both places. So fun to give all of our attention to one kid.
Last Thursday was the Kindergarten graduation. Very, very cute. I love their little songs. Rebel was proud. She gave strict instructions to bring flowers and we followed through. They sent Bee down from her class to watch. Which I always find so thoughtful. I love being in a small school.
First grade awards ceremony was Friday. It was so sweet. I cried and I wouldn't consider myself a crier. The teacher started by saying when they looked back at 1st grade she hopes they remember being known and being loved. What more could you want for your child? I'm so grateful for the school staff who pour so much into my kids. The teacher then gave each child two very individualized awards. She would give a description and the kids were so excited to guess who it was for. Bee got the Personality Plus award. No surprise, she's all personality. Plus, the super star student. She hinted at it being because she had made the most improvements. She went from being a little stuck in reading to far ahead. Same for math.
They have still have school today/tmrw. Going to schedule in a manicure/pedicure sometime today/tmrw. Another year where the kids still have great friends + are on track academically sounds like a win for myself, also.
We got Baby boys passport. No surprise it was a hot mess. With plenty of frantic calls to the agency despite months of planning, court orders, notarized letters, etc. I won't bore you with the details but it came through in the end. Literally in the last ten minutes of the day when our original appt was at 9:30am. If any other foster parents need tips let me know. Happy to share all of my research. Although I'm fairly confident its less a strict procedure/list of actual requirements and more whatever that particular worker wants to ask of you. Anyway its done. Will have to update when he's adopted. At this point who knows when the hell that will be???
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Day 211
A few months ago, my college best friend shocked me with the news of her pregnancy, plus her wedding. I literally cried my eyes out while we were video chatting and was even skeptical about all of it. I finally believed her after a couple of minutes when she showed me her pregnancy card. I was extremely happy for her during that moment and I felt that happiness again when I saw her walked down the aisle, took her mom and her mom’s husband’s hands, transferred them to the groom and stood there in the altar with him. I saw how happy she was and how thrilled she looked with what was happening to her.
The whole morning of the wedding was focused on getting ready but my other best friend and I had other things on our minds and took countless of photos. Rain poured down though before we had the chance to take photos outside. So we worked with what we got. A huge bathroom with a bathtub and a door that opened to the veranda. The bedroom was occupied by the bride and her glam team and we were one call away for the photoshoots and video shoots. We wore bathrobes with our names on it at one point and our gowns at another. Every little bit of it was fun. I enjoyed the scripted moments, hoping that it’ll look real (and phenomenal) in the final video. Thank God I was down right correct.
The bride-to-be, her maid of honor (who is also her bestest friend) and I slept together the night before they tied the knot. We did it again after the occasion because the MOH and I both decided to go home today. Oh, and also, she and I have become really close. We understood each other’s humors and I didn’t have a single tedious time with her. Everything was another whole meaning of FUN. Thanks for letting me ride with you, Brittany! You’re a bomb. Happy birthday too!!!
I enjoyed the talk we had when we woke up. I found out more about the guy she married and was complacent about their future together. Still, if she ever might need my aid when things get rough, I know where to go. Getting to their province wasn’t a piece of cake, especially at night. I made it whole despite of that so maybe the next one will be.
I’m on my way back to my hometown right this moment. I took a quick detour and went to see Papa in Manila. Or the other way around hahaha. Visiting Manila wasn’t part of my plan but I could never say no to my dear Papa. Nevertheless, Manila is indeed not my cup of tea anymore.
I wrote another long note about what I endured when I saw “someone” however I am not going to ruin this beautiful piece by reiterating it to you so just come up to me when you see me and ask for it in my iPhone’s notes. I’ll be more than delighted to share it with you (whoever reads any of my blogs here 🙂).
This has been another great experience and thank you for finishing this. See you in the next one!
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✨i would've made such a lovely bride (but he'll patch up the tapestry that i shred)✨
part iv : letting go
"Er du sikker på at du vil at jeg skal bli med deg tilbake til Hellas?" (You're certain you want me to come back with you to Greece?) Remus asked in amusement as he leant against the door, shirtless and only wearing sweatpants that hung way too fucking low on his hips.
"Selvsagt er jeg sikker, din tøffe Viking. Er du sikker på at du vil bli med?" (Of course I'm certain, you daft Viking. Are you certain you want to come with?) His way of speaking the language was still rough, considering he'd only been with for almost two weeks, but the pleased smile on his partner's face said that it didn't matter. Because to him, James was just the right amount of perfect in whatever he did.
"Å, jeg vil gjerne. Jeg ville bare at du skulle være sikker." (Oh, I'd love to. I just wanted you to be sure.) James smiled, dropping the rest of his clothes in favour of walking over to the taller and looping his arms around his neck, tugging him down gently for a kiss. Remus happily kissed back, hands gentle over his waist. "Du er så jævla vakker. Jeg kunne giftet meg med deg akkurat nå." (You are so fucking beautiful. I could marry you right now.)
James playfully glared at him, giggling when the other kissed his neck. It had been a running inside thing between the two of them. On James' first night of being shown around by Remus, a lovely elderly couple had mistaken them to be husbands before he tried to explain in English how they weren't married. Until Remus said that they weren't married yet and not to spoil the surprise. Of course, the couple believed he was being honest and grinned despite James' splutters, tugged him along with their fingers entwined, never once letting him go.
That was what made him fall for Remus in the first place.
Remus had been so understanding, and listened to him intently after assuring him that he wouldn't be judged. He told his story and how he left his home to move to a different country just to heal himself. How he agreed to be the best man in his ex-lover's wedding to keep a promise he made years ago. How he chose to stay despite every nerve in his body telling him to go. And Remus admired him for it. Said he didn't think he could ever deal with that if he had been the one in his place. James argued otherwise. But nonetheless, he called James a hero. A selfless hero that deserved everything in the world.
"Du lar meg distrahere deg. Men kommer vi tilbake til Hellas?" (You're letting me distract you. However will we make it back to Greece?) James giggled and hopped up, wrapping his legs around the other's hips and gasping at their proximity.
"Jeg kan takle en distraksjon eller to en stund, ja." (I can deal with a distraction or two for a while, yeah.) Remus only smirked before kissing him again, deeper this time as he slowly began to walk over to the bed.
They did eventually have to part minutes later when James' phone rang with a ringtone that he never thought he'd ever hear again.
Remus squeezed the skin on his waist and set him down with a soft smile, gently pushing him to the direction of the coffee table.
"Regulus?" He whispered, not sure what he was expecting.
"Just what the hell are you fetching from your car that's taking too long to get?" The younger asked in amusement, making James huff out a laugh.
"I'm fetching my wonderful ego, ever heard of her?"
"Oh? I didn't know you were transgender too?"
"My dick didn't seem plastered on to you?" Regulus let out an honest-to-god giggle, sighing after.
"I miss you, you idiot."
"Hey, you're the only one who didn't tell me that in a past tense. It's always the past tense with the others, makes me feel like I died."
"To be fair, you almost did. Pardon our friends if it stuck."
"Fair enough."
"I… I really do miss you, Jamie," Was… oh, fuck him, was Regulus fucking on the verge of crying?! "You were gone. Again. God, and it rained the night you left so I got worried and –"
"Reg.. Reggie, breathe. You're hearing my voice, aren't you? I'm okay."
"Thanks to you, that's not even a word anymore." James giggled, letting Remus hold him against his chest.
"How was the honeymoon?"
"It was… god, it was amazing, Jamie."
"Is he treating you well?"
"Always…" he could hear the love and adoration even if they were in very different places just from his voice alone. And that was all he needed to know that he made the right decision.
"Good. Do tell him that if he ever decides to cross you, I will shatter his kneecaps." Regulus giggled, and just like that, it was as if they were in high school again, giggling in the broom closets after running from Sirius and their then friends.
"I think he knew that, knows. Told me you intimidated him."
"Me? Intimidating? Little old me?"
"Oh, get off that high horse."
"Hm, high stag, you mean."
"Oh, yes. Definitely." A beat. "Are you being treated well?" Regulus never had to ask if there was anyone. Anyone who knew James in and out would recognise the happiness in his vocal tone alone, making the older smile that Regulus still knew him well enough to know he was happy.
"Yes. I've caught myself a Viking."
"I'm glad. I'm so… I'm so happy for you, Jamie."
"As I am for you."
"Thank you. For keeping your promise and being my best man. For helping me with our parents." James wanted to tell him that it wasn't him who had assured that their parents would be there, but he let it slide, just happy that Regulus was living his life.
"I'll take it you're back in England?"
"No, we decided to stay in Greece for a bit. We're actually in the bar Evan found you in."
"Is this supposed to be a full circle moment? Because my flight's not supposed to be for another few hours."
"We can wait or come back here, Jamie. But we want to welcome you home."
"Oh." There was comfortable silence between them for a few minutes, to each their own, before Regulus spoke again.
"I'll always love you. You know that, right?"
"Of course, Reggie. I've loved you from Leonis Vega to Regulus Arcturus and have had no regrets since."
"Okay."
"Okay."
"Come home to us, James."
And come home he did. With Remus' fingers entwined with his, their bags in hand, they came home.
Home was his house in Greece.
Home was his friends waiting for him at the very bar he ran from.
Home was Remus Lupin's hands.
Home was the love he had for all of them.
He was home.
FIN.
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Hey there! In an attempt to spread some Writer Positivity, I'd like you to share five (or more, if you'd like to!) memorable quotes by your characters, across your fics!
They can be fun, silly, romantic, anything that exemplifies your writing!
Thanks for sharing <3
Mads! 💜 Thank you so much for this Ask!
Lengthy post ahead; some quotes may contain spoilers...
Boughs & Mockingbirds, Part 2 (TRH; this is one of my absolute favorite scenes because it shows a different side to fun-loving Maxwell; he feels deeply, especially when it comes to his best friend when she is fighting for her life; in this scene, he is at Riley's bedside in the hospital, and Madeleine is nonchalantly picking out funeral arrangements)
“Cold-hearted insensitive bitch,” he bites under his breath.
Madeleine stuns, fumbling with the catalog as her dark eyes take aim. “Pardon me, Maxwell, but was that a derogatory comment directed towards–”
“Goddammit, Madeleine!” He hastily quiets his growl, sighing as he remembers his place. “Shut up! For all of our sakes.” He momentarily considers his words before he continues with a wrathful whisper. “Just shut the hell up.” He shakes his head, chuckling in disbelief. “You are planning her funeral as if it’s another one of your affluential balls.” He turns his attention to the frigid blonde. “Yes, Maddy, the fresh tuna tartar from Portavira is always delicious this time of year. Don’t forget the feta-stuffed olives! Only the perfect hors d'oeuvres for the Great Houses. And I’m sure the royal family would love the pink Cordonian hydrangea blooms.” He reins in his sarcasm. He focuses back on his queen, bringing her hand to his lips, quieting his urges to succumb to his sobs. “You are planning her funeral, and she isn’t even dead yet.”
“Maxwell, I didn’t think–”
“Exactly. You don’t think.” Maxwell closes his eyes, clasping both of his hands around Riley’s hand. “She’s going to make it.” He sighs. “She has to make it.”
~🖤~🖤~🖤~
2. Once... Always... Part 3 (TNA; Oh, this scene... I still give myself chills with this scene. Brynn is quietly divorcing Sam... and taking everything he's worth, and he has no idea. In this scene, she is teaching Olivia, their 5-year-old daughter how to play the card game "Go Fish", and in the background, Dirty Dalton's life is slowly crumbling around him)
“Remember: it’s all about strategy. You are the only one that knows what cards you’ve been dealt. You can’t trust anyone.”
Brynn pauses, casting a glare towards her husband; but to her surprise, his gaze is already fixed intently on her.
Bzzt. Bzzt. Bzzt.
“So, you play along, pretend that you are clueless. Make other players believe what you want them to believe. But then when you see your opportunity to win, you attack. You wanna know the best part about that?”
Olivia’s chunky expressive face lights up with wonder. “What?”
Brynn looks back to her husband, a Cheshire grin crawling across her face. His face slowly flushes, his forehead shiny from sweat. A cloud of steam billows from his ears as his jaw becomes rigid.
“They never saw it coming.”
~🖤~🖤~🖤~
3. Pour Two Glasses, Chapter 1 (TRR; despite their efforts with medical intervention, Liam and Riley are yet to produce an heir, making the queen feel in adequate; Liam accepts an award for being a great peace mediator during conflict, and this is part of his speech. Can I marry him?)
“To my queen, my love, my very best friend: you have proven time and time again to be my calm in the midst of war, in the midst of terrifying threats, even in the presence of evil men. When the rains and waves crash around me, your love is the solace that pulls me through each and every time. You are the reason for the peace in my life. I hope I don’t embarrass you too much with what I’m about to say. We did take the same car here.” Liam gathers his emotions as the crowd chuckles.
“You love me fiercely, and you love Cordonia so deeply. I know you worry about doing your best, and often times wonder if you are adequate enough for the calling as my queen. This award right here was a team effort, and it serves as proof that you are not adequate. No. Listen to me carefully. You are anything, but just adequate. You, my queen, are abundantly able, completely sufficient, surpassing every need and desire perfectly with unbelievable beauty and exquisite grace. The crown should be honored that a woman like you humbled herself, and chose to wear it. To my wife and eternal peacekeeper: thank you for making tonight possible. I love you.”
~🖤~🖤~🖤~
4. Ricochet, Part IIIa (OPH; During clinic, Tobias cares for Tatum's father who requests to see her; it's an awful exchange, but Tatum will have the final word... here are some spicy parts of that exchange that still break me; it reminds me of Meredith and Ellis)
“Go ahead, Dad. What else would you like to say–?”
“Your brother is out there in the Middle East, staring death in the face every goddamn day,” he looks back at Tatum. “That’s a hero, Tatum.” He sighs. “You prance in here with your fancy white coat and medical school education, and yet you still haven’t accomplished anything–”
...
“Do you really think I’m the embarrassment of our family? The worthless one of our family, Dad?” Her eyes sting with tears, her hands balled into fists. “Do you?” she yells.
...
“Go ahead. Call me Mom. Do you really think that hurts me? At least Mom had that balls to leave… She was the smart one and left you when she had the chance–”
“Wow, Tatum,” he clicks his tongue. “Where did my sweet girl go–?”
“I wasn’t sweet; I was terrified. Of you.”
...
“Daddy,” she quietly whispers. She gently cups his cheek, wiping at his wet eyes. “Thanks to you, I’m a fighter. I–I’m stronger than what I was meant to be. I’m more successful than I was meant to be. You try to accuse me of using a man for his money. Daddy–” she scoffs, “–you’re the one that taught me that I can’t depend on anyone... "
"...I’m not the worthless little girl you see hiding in her closet anymore. I will save lives. Millions of them. Despite you.”
~🖤~🖤~🖤~
And Because I love Robin...
5. Closer (TNA AU; newly hired nanny Brynn Schuyler has a weekend off and she has the entire penthouse to herself... at least she thought she had it herself. Hook up with Robin? Yes, please. )
Feeling his hardness against her leg, she nonchalantly reaches into Sam’s bedside table. Hearing the crinkle of her pulling out a condom, Robin pauses, perplexity written on his face.
“C’mon, Flores,” she clicks her tongue to the side of her budding grin. “No glove, no love,” she jokes as she tosses the condom at him.
He catches the condom, immediately returning it to his brother’s nightstand. He slides his body off of hers. Sitting on the side of the bed, he grabs his wrinkled pants, straightening out the legs and the pockets.
Brynn props herself up on her elbows. “Oh, come on,” she scoffs as she shoves him with her foot, “are you kidding me right now?”
Robin leans over, silencing her disgust with a searing kiss.
“Heel, naughty girl,” he chuckles, kissing her once more. “We at least need one that fits,” he whispers as he pulls out a larger size from the leather wallet from his slack’s pocket.
~🖤~🖤~🖤~
I hope you've enjoyed!
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Garbage Farm (#44)
2023-04-16, Garbage Farm sessions #44, spanning from Summer 27 to Fall 7, Year 4
Cast:
me (@mothmute)
E.B. (@salamand3rin)
Kimi (@2kimi2furious)
Highlights include, but are not limited to:
Alex is worried about ... his muscles deflating?
oh right, Pierre’s Prime Produce! here, have some radishes.
Gunther wants bones!
We fail to acquire the bones in a timely fashion. ah well, maybe next time
... wait, are prismatic shards supposed to come in different qualities?
I’m pretty sure they’re bugged
the forbidden shards!
Or maybe we’re just really good at this game
EB is pregnant??
Harvey is a doctor, he can tell at 40 paces
Upgrading the duck coop!
Kimi objects, says the ducks haven’t earned it
It’s keg day! I’m slowly adding more kegs each time
Moonlight Jellies!
Junior left unattended in the dark
Violet and Pizza are hanging out with their dad
Bartholomew is unaccounted for...? Maybe because Theophania is still a baby?
Nobody ever notices Clint’s shoes, and nobody ever will
Getting our husbands confused in the dark...?
(NOT a single, shapeshifting Garbage Husband)
dang, sold enough wine that the number breaks the box and starts wiggling!
Theophania is awake!!
Pierre’s Prime Produce, pt. 2, he tries to scam people for a ridiculous markup and Jodi tells him to fuck off
Teamwork getting seeds planted!
oh no, rip E.B., stayed out too late
—E.B. has her baby! Welcome, Beatrix Garbage!
(that was awfully fast!)
It’s a good luck day, too!
Kimi refuses some calamari that Linus mailed to her
Linus is the best, but Lewis runs the mail and cannot be trusted
(give it to Pierre, he loves that stuff)
by the way, we’re all going to the movies
what’s playing? idk, It Howls In The Rain?
I hand everybody a couple tickets, it’s only fair that I pay for it (out of the communal wallet) since I’m dragging them into it
I invite the Dwarf, he’s really excited about the whole experience
E.B. invites Krobus, which would be really awkward except that he’s wearing an adorable disguise
Kimi invites Linus, who feels out-of-place but enjoys his nachos.
Marlon and Gil are in the lobby. Gil fell asleep.
Agh!
Kimi wants bully Vincent by inviting him to scary movies
It’s 1AM, but Elliott isn’t in bed...
EB says that Harvey isn’t in bed, either
do you think they’re having an affair??
Kimi: “yes”
EB: “I hope so”
I defeat a dust sprite, Marlon is pleased with me and gets Gil to teach me about Burglary!
Kimi borrows Frucko (without specifying why) and doesn’t make it to bed
EB dies, too.
I’m pretty sure this was the third time and I forgot to write about the second. She says it’s the most she’s ever died in one night.
I found some Prismatic Jelly for the Wizard, and in return he teaches all of us how to stink real bad
EB barely makes it to bed on the final night of the evening
(EB can do a little time crimes, as a treat)
non-canon day? What’re we bombing this time?
We’re bombing Pierre’s!
Kent walked in but he does surprisingly well despite the PTSD, he’s come a long way since that one time Jodi made popcorn
Kimi and EB both explode to death and Harvey has to do emergency surgery. Good thing it isn’t canon!
TO-DO:
Continue upgrading the ducks!
set up Coffee
gotta keep prepping for Serious Skull Spelunking
keep making kegs, keep making preserves
I wanna redo my railroad taps, maybe put in some indicator trees somewhere
Island Obelisk needs teeth
Continue self-supply, continue Operation Garbage Chef
make ... friends?
GALLERY:
Big melon, which we forgot to screenshot last time
The Forbidden Shards!
Krobus is adorable
Storming Pierre’s!
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Tagged by @zingaplanet. Thanks for the tag game! I LOOOOOOVE these things. I’m the kid who liked filling out forms, surveys, and scantron bubbles just for the fun of it.
Sign: Aries. Not sure what that’s supposed to mean, since each website has a different list of traits.
^I mean, I guess that’s me, if you took all those characteristics and squeezed them down to fit inside a mouse. I am a very quiet, nervous, and shy creature on the surface, so I’m like the opposite of Aries. But if you leave me alone and leave some cheese out for me, I might scurry out and do some of the above things when no one is looking. Just very quietly though.
Height: I’m 5’4” in the US or 162 cm in the rest of the world
Last thing I googled: convert 5’4” to centimeters for the above question. Before that, it was “Rafael nadal not friends Federer.” I was trying to figure out where and when that quote came from.
Number of followers: 282. Honestly I’m surprised there are even that many, given how I go dormant for YEARS at a time, only to pop up in a completely different and unrelated fandom.
Amount of sleep: that I want or that I get? I need 5 hours to be functional and 9 hours to be happy. I usually get 5-6 hours because I’m a tired working parent. If you leave me alone, I will sleep for 13 hours straight, no problem.
Lucky #: don’t have one really
Wearing: the same clothes that I’ve worn for the last 2 days (see note above about being a tired working parent)
Dream job: realistically, I’m pretty happy with my current job as it sits at the intersection of what I’m interested in (education, social justice) and what my job skills are. It’s not a perfect job, but it suits me a lot and I find my work interesting, engaging, and meaningful. If we’re talking la la unicorn land, then when I was a kid I wanted to be the editor of Rolling Stone magazine. (This was back in the 90s when Rolling Stone was still relevant, ok?) Not because I was particularly into music--I didn’t discover the radio until I was 10 years old--but because I imagined that if you were the editor of such a famous magazine, you would probably have a killer corner office with floor-to-ceiling windows overlooking San Francisco Bay and I wanted that. When I was a teenager, I wanted to be a model or a book editor, the former because I liked the idea of traveling and looking fabulous (despite me having no fashion sense at all), the latter because I thought I could get paid for reading books.
Movies/books that summarise me: I have no idea. Maybe Love Actually because I have been blessed with love and good fortune in many forms in my life, but underneath it all I’m a total dork who doesn’t understand how I got this lucky and yet I keep flailing about trying to keep it going and somehow it still works out.
Favourite song: too hard to pick just one, but there are many songs that have special meaning for me and that instantly carry me back to a particular time and place in my life:
“You and Me Song” by The Wannadies
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I first heard this song while slow dancing with future-husband in his room after coming back from prom, just the two of us, right before we shared our first kiss. This song perfectly captures our early years together.
“Wake Up” by Arcade Fire
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Sorry, heavy content ahead, feel free to skip: This song suddenly came on the radio in the car as we were driving home from the hospital after my husband’s oldest sister had just passed away from cancer. She was 14 years older than him and was like a second mom. She bought him his first pair of Air Jordans with the money she earned from her first real job. We were devastated and reeling. Just as this song came on, the skies opened up and rain started pouring down out of nowhere. We were on a long, winding highway between two counties, just the two of us and empty desert on either side at 2am. It felt like his sister was crying with us from the heavens, so we both sang/screamed/yelled this song at the top of our lungs while tears streamed down our faces. The moment the song was over, we lost the radio station and the rain stopped, as suddenly as it came. (For those of you who don’t know, this song is from the album Funeral.)
“Home” by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros
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We made our entrance to our wedding reception to this song, skipping and holding hands and spinning each other until I got dizzy and he had to catch me. This song perfectly captures the deep intimacy, warm familiarity, and abiding love of our later years together.
Fav instrument: Like any proper Asian child, I can play the piano, but I’ve always loved violin music too.
Aesthetic: that describes me or that I like? For my personal style, my sister always says I have no fashion sense. She s completely correct, in that I don’t fit into a specific aesthetic. And yet, I can never seem to find clothes I like. Go figure.
For my dream interior design, I like the simplicity of Scandinavian design. Think minimalist with wood and metal accents in a clean, open design.
As for my actual interior design, I currently live in an art gallery curated by a 3 year old and a 6 year old. There are a lot of rainbows and stick figures on the walls.
Fav author: don’t really have one, although I’m a sucker for modern fantasy, magical realism, and the like. Honestly I mostly read fanfic these days. In my scholarly days, I liked the poetry of John Donne and modern American poets like H.D., WH Auden, Marianne Moore, and Emily Dickinson.
Fav animal noise: birds singing. Little song birds, not the giant ravens or little green parrots that caw incessantly outside.
Random:
Tagging: @bluskype, @roscoespaws, @a-swiss-and-a-spaniard, @pearandalmondtart, @janerurlife
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Grief for Your Villian
When the villain in your story dies…
This is such a complicated kind of grief. My villain was JT, my first husband and the father of my only child. Last summer, he died by suicide.
It had been over a decade since we had any contact at all. He was one of only two exes that I’d call a “bad ex,” to the point that I had somewhat recently looked him up on social media just to be sure he was blocked on all of my accounts.
In that search, I found a podcast he was doing because, of course, he was. (Cue the “Stop Giving Men Microphones song.) He displayed the same arrogance and self-righteous indignation with a venomous voice and deep scowl as he sat alongside a redheaded woman who seemed to fluctuate between feeding his ego and humoring his outbursts.
When my daughter agreed to let me come to his memorial… we’d had our own estrangement of sorts, but this was the first step in reconciling that we took… I walked in expecting that I’d been painted as a villain in his story, and I was prepared to be treated as such when I met the redhead, one of his girlfriends. Instead, she greeted me warmly and would later send me a Facebook friend request, as did his other girlfriends.
In connecting with them I learned that he told people at least two things about “his 2nd wife.” I looked like Gillian Anderson, and I was a writer.
I was a writer.
That’s something I used to identify as despite my minimal publication. It was so much a part of my identity, but somewhere along the line, I’d given that up. I never stopped writing, but I gave up the idea that I was a writer.
I was just another burned-out, former gifted child who couldn’t stop screaming into the void of various social media and blogging platforms. But learning that others knew me as a writer (who looked like Gillian Anderson!) made more of an impact than I expected… almost like a bizarre parting gift. He gave me back that part of myself.
But that gift is shelved alongside all the hurtful things he said and did when I was still forming my identity. When he said to me “If you get fat, I’ll leave you,” I was only 17.
And at 19, when I did balloon up in a post-partum cloud of cannabis smoke, he didn’t leave me. Instead, he cheated on me with our roommate in our home for nearly a year. She was a natural redhead but taller, thinner, and with bigger boobs than I developed during pregnancy.
Their denial of the affair when my Spidey senses started pinging was textbook gaslighting. They convinced me that I was crazy and nothing was going on between them. And I believed it because I had to. I had a small child, no family support, and nothing of my own.
The timing of JT’s suicide was almost comedic.
The day he put his loaded shotgun on the porch and hung himself by a pullup bar was the same day that my mother casually dropped the bomb that the man who raised me wasn’t actually my father. Information that came to light because my daughter had doubts about her own paternity, ordered 23AndMe, and then saw a familiar name on her report.
JT had been the embodiment of my ‘daddy issues’ with his resemblance to the man who raised me. The day he died was the day I learned that my bio dad was part of a ‘chosen family’ I’d known my entire life. Heavy upon heavy upon heavy there.
So much complicated grief raining down on me at once, and here I am, months later, still trying to get a handle on all of it.
I’m finding myself sobbing into my keyboard while sitting in on suicide prevention trainings for my job and flowing in and out of this overwhelming grief while numbing myself out every night. The more I learn, the more I just want to be stupid and not think at all.
Knowing about the abuse JT survived and how it impacted who he was doesn’t take away the damage he did to me. Knowing that he didn’t speak ill of me doesn’t change the fact that he was absolutely the villain in my story, and I’m not going to try to pretend otherwise.
We were young… I still had a provisional driver’s license when I met JT and was barely old enough to buy a beer when we finally separated for good. That doesn’t excuse how we treated each other, and I said as much at his memorial.
All I can do is own my part of it and try to do better… and I have. It took me two more divorces to get to where I am today. But today I was able to recognize that I woke up dysregulated, told my husband what was going on, how he could help and he did. And then I got on with my work day.
I’m finally not afraid that if I get fat my husband will leave me.
I’m not afraid of not being pretty enough, sexy enough, fuckable enough… I’m not afraid of being too much, either. On my dysregulated days, when I find myself crying too much, eating too much, feeling like too much… my husband makes sure I know that it’s not too much for him.
I can be exactly who I am, and I’m safe. I’m loved. I’m HOME.
I’m still trying to undo the damage that was done by the villains in my story. That doesn’t mean I’m ignoring the humanity of the people who hurt me or that their deaths don’t (and won’t) take me right back to the times in life when they were so important to me. It’s a complicated grief to see them leave the world and the rest of the things they left behind.
Maybe there’s a way to reconcile this with the villains still walking the earth. But maybe this is just a first draft of a process I’ll have to go through again when my other villains pass.
(Initially written Feb, 2024)
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Done with social media?
It has been so long not to write things on this tumblr again, either it is for sharing or for self-reminder. So let me tell the story about the Christmas break this year.
Since I am currently work on my thesis, so basically I have the flexibility to work whenever and wherever I want. Honestly, parts of me wants to spend the holiday just being at home and work on my thesis as the deadline is approaching as well. Although another part of me also has a sense of FOMO that wants to get holiday like what most people do during this time. So, we decided to just go to the neighbor country of the Netherlands which is Brussels, Belgium. We went to Den Haag Moerwijk on 23th December, Saturday afternoon to sleep over at Tante Fau's house. On the next day morning which is Sunday, we went to brussels by train about 2 hours and spent one day for sight seeing this city. It was raining almost all day, thankfully we had the umbrella with us, so we didn't have to stop or delay our day-trip. We first went to the royal market, but then we were hungry so we were looking for halal food but some restaurants still not opened yet even it was already 10.30 a.m! After a walk for about 15 minutes, we found turkish cafe and ate there. Then, we continued our tour to the grand palace and the so called manaken pis. Nothing was excite me, to be honest. But since I was browsing on the internet that there is grand mosque in Brussels, I was so keen to visit and pray there. Surprisingly, the mosque's location is very strategic, at the heart of the city. It is located just across the EU office building, on the side of the road, and at the same area of a big famous park in Brussels. The mosque is quite big and function as Islamic center which had madrasah as well. Then, we went to the famous iconic atomium and ending our trip with eating wafels and buying chocolate for tante fau.
Fast forward to monday's evening, we got invited by kak kau (tante fau's daughter) to had a dinner with them and their family at their house. We had a house tour by kak kau and tante fau. The design and interior of their house is very interesting, they adopt industrial-modern-minimalist concept for their house. It is beautiful, smart, warm and cozy! Meanwhile, the dinner was so good, they cooked turkish meal. As starter, we ate lentyl's soup made by kak kau's mother in law which is so tasty and also gyoza made by kak kau. Then, for the main course we had grilled salmon and tuna accompanied by pomegranate salad with chop lettuce and lamb cheese, very lekker! also combine with fried potato. Then, for the dessert we had bowl of mix grapes, strawberry and persimmon with lemon. Ah, it was a really tasty dinner!
After we finished our dinner, I and husband have a chat with kak kau, she also served as with hot tea. She told us that she's been working for cyber security for one of the bank in the Netherlands. She told us that she never have any social media, except linkedin since it is a professional platform for job purpose. It amazed us, since we never had a friend who's not or never on social media. I told to her that we are Indonesian is so attached with that like it is part of our daily life. Although, I do aware it wasted my time so much but it is still too addictive for me. She told us that by being active on social media, it is more likely that anyone can stole our data privacy. There is a potential of data leakage which perhaps later can be used by unknown people for applying debt or anything related to cyber crime. She also said the reason why she is not into social media is also because she wants to keep her life private and not want to waste her time. I said to her that some of my Dutch friend I know also prefer not to have any social media, or if they have they would prefer not to put their real name. Then, she thought maybe it is also because dutch is more skeptical. Despite she has a lot of skills like painting, playing a piano, photography and traveling which on my perspectives would be very interesting for people if she wants to put her life on social media, but she choose not to do that. I asked her how did she coped with boredom as I often open my social media to kill the boredom. She replied that she would read the book or e-book. She also told us how she spent her holiday without bothered by phone because she wants to really feel the holiday. Wow oh wow, what a peaceful. mindful and productive life she had!
Honestly, I do aware of the negative side of social media and really wants to limit my activity on social media as well. But the problem is I am still not that firm to do that and I still wants to keep my memories somewhere that maybe would never be vanished. Although deep down, I want my life to be more productive and meaningful.
That was a really nice evening. Hope that when I read this again in the future, I can see myself and my husband as a productive and successful person who does not really care about social media anymore and live a mindful, meaningful, and very pleasant life!
Tuesday, 27/12/2023 at 00.13 a.m. Beringhem E-9, Commandeursweg 500, Bennekom, The Netherlands.
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Chapter 1
The Dutchess of Anchord. Why was that my title? I didn't ask for it and certainly didn't want it. I hovered quietly in a lonely dim corner, staring at the suffocating crowd of people in my family's home. I crawled out from the safety of my bedroom in search of the guest of honor, but all I ended up finding was this collection of stuck up rich people wearing their Fiacci dresses, Mirado suits, and all the overrated, overly advertised luxury brands. I glared from a good distance, listening to them talking about me finding a quality husband, raising a family, finishing university, or starting my own career as if it were their business.
I didn't care to drink that night but the amount of gossip in the room made it hard not to. Part of me felt like I should have, given the fact it was a very special party to me. It was Adrian's night--oh, Adrian. He was my secret. I had a massive crush on him ever since our fathers kept shoving us together in the backseat when we went on fishing trips to Nautica. It truly felt like Adrian was the only person that ever truly understood me and it was only at the start of high school when he began apprenticeship under his father did I feel the inevitable separation. He was going to go out into the world, find his place and gain well-deserved appreciation for his work while I would be left here in Anchord to drown in nothing but memories and what-could-have-been thoughts. For all I knew, he achieved his dreams far before I could even think about what mine were. Today was the day his father officially retired, handing down the company to Adrian who trained tirelessly for 15 years.
Over the noisy chatter, I heard a woman with long wavy red hair asking her husband, "do you think she is capable of making friends?" A crooked smile formed on my face before I found my father, Roland Lauder observing me from the kitchen island. His face was bright and flushed, grinning from a previous conversation. You heard that too, didn't you. The jovial expression in his face slowly faded as his eyes flashed toward the woman, still soaked up in her conversation. Roland scoffs, tilting his head toward the terrace doors. Go on, get out of here. His expression read, as the hand of an elder businessman landed on his arm.
Without another thought, I turned towards the door until I caught a glimpse of deep blonde hair in the sea of guests. My mother, Trinity was sitting cross-legged at the glass dining table, sipping on champagne and flirting quietly with a group of friends. She was dressed from head to toe in blinding white satin. My guess was that she didn't get the memo to dress in black, or refused to abide by it. The fact that she most likely decided against black just to be different made my eyes roll--all the more reason to leave this place. Nameless faces watched me stalk across the room, eyes and heads turning as I blatantly ignored each one. "Where did she come from? Has she been here this entire time?" I was sick of the gossip.
All sounds of chatter disappeared when I entered the terrace. Upon taking one step out onto the wooden floors, I was met with the frigid autumn air, welcoming me and intertwining itself through my long winding hair. But the view of the city captivated my attention. Towers with blinking lights and glowing radars peeked from below reaching higher than 400 stories tall. Some tops of mountain-like skyscrapers disappeared in the gloomy rain clouds above. As I gazed up, I suddenly got lost at the appearance of oddly-shaped cars creating streaks of neon across the thick clouds. Pacing toward my bedroom, my eyes followed one of them speeding just above the penthouse until the movement of someone’s dark raincoat flying in the wind caught my attention.
One of the guests stood at the other end of the terrace pool, and as I witnessed the shape of their hair and body, I discovered it was Adrian just being an introvert again. I couldn’t understand why he was hiding despite this being his party. I added myself next to him, approaching with silence until we were both leaning against the rail guards together.
This was Adrian–introverted, brooding, simply going on mental adventures in his head. I knew that if I took one glance at him that I would never be able to stop staring. He was gorgeous. His grey eyes would have been peering somewhere at the harbor, walking circles in his head about something that happened within the day. I could never tell what he was thinking unless I asked–and I was too shy to say anything. The city looked mesmerizing that night but I was far too deep in contemplation to recognize what was in the wine glass sitting next to him. All I knew was that it was too dark and viscous to be wine.
Little spats of raindrops landed on my naked shoulders, making me jerk in surprise. Oh, it’s raining. I thought to myself. I gazed at the tiny spots of water on the railing. To my surprise, Adrian was unphased as he stared aimlessly into the void like a statue. One look–you only get one look, Christine. I mentioned in my head, backing away. But as I stared up, I was shocked to see him turn to me and mechanically open his jacket and draw me in.
“Adrian.” I gasped, my voice obviously shaking. My whole body went from freezing cold to blushing hot as I became more and more aware of what he was doing. I was swallowed into a soft embrace as if I really was an old friend he hadn’t seen in years. He was holding me. Holding me--demonstrating affection. Every alarm in my head was freaking out. His gaze was still lost when my eyes landed on him. I remembered the last time I was this close with him, but it was so hard to withdraw myself out of this moment. I wanted to make sure I remembered it all. He engulfed my body in his coat until we were both hiding from the rain, his chin resting atop my head. It felt surreal, sinking into his soft heat as if he was a warm summer day. All of my senses peaked for this moment, indulging in the warmth, the gentleness, and the faint scent of autumn leaves clung to his clothes.
“Happy birthday, Christine.” His familiar and low voice vibrated against my skin. The words circulated my thoughts for a few seconds, trying to grasp onto the message. I was doubtful that it was today. Oh, right. It was. How did I forget that? How did he remember but I couldn’t? “I swear, I’m going insane.” I reprimanded myself inaudibly. Was this party for me? My mind went from fully immersed to quickly skeptical. “I’m absolutely in a dream.” Inner me scoffed. I gazed back at the little corner in the living room where I was standing to find Valerie and Harley in matching black dresses, scrolling through their cellphones together. How did I not notice they were there?
“Thank you.” I buried myself back into the warmth of his coat.
“I have a present for you.” He responded with a chuckle. “I think you’ll like it.”
“What is it?” I stared at him with ease this time. As he inched backwards, I didn’t have a chance to react when he stepped forward, pulling us together and kissing me. I barely had time to gasp. There was no time to mentally prepare myself for Adrian of all people to make a move on me. Every bone in my body was totally frozen in place. And as my eyes closed, that was it.
An eerie silence took hold of me until I was deafened. My eyes opened to absolute darkness and I felt a pang of ache in the pit of my stomach as if someone ripped a piece of my soul out. My heart felt dull and heavy but I latched onto every positive feeling I could imagine. Adrian. Whether it was a dream or not, I was so happy to remember the feeling. I used it to fight the weighing emptiness but I was losing as it gripped me and choked the life out of me. I stalked through the ominous void as it crawled over me, draining my spirit of happiness until I only felt loneliness. I couldn’t remember why I felt it except for the fact that a recent memory was stuck in my head. Someone–a nameless, faceless stranger had left me stranded all on my own. They lifted me up to feel like the happiest person I could be, but then dropped me like a ton of bricks. They showed me love and compassion, and then tossed me away like I was nothing. All I was left with was the everlasting yearn to be loved. I was made to fight this feeling all on my own. I was made to perceive myself as nothing--no one important. No one worth anyone's time. I was no one.
That’s right. I was alone. I’ve always been alone. I didn’t want to recall the memories of laying in bed for weeks at a time, crying beneath the sheets. I was afraid to count all the times I refused to socialize because I didn’t want to show others that I was dying inside. I was lost in my own head as much as I was lost everywhere else–with nowhere to hide. The thoughts screamed. They yelled. They cried.
That was until I noticed the glimmer of a flame, dancing in the distance. My steps were slow and heavy, but I continued to travel in its direction hoping it had the escape from this nightmare. I forced myself to stay strong and be patient. As long as I was moving forward, I would eventually make it out. But the walk was long, the anticipation was overwhelming, and I was growing tired of feeling so dragged down. With each step, I struggled more and more. So focused on the pain of living. So done with feeling unwanted. I wanted it to end.
It was then that I noticed the light beamed brighter, the closer I became. Without any other clue, I felt it deep within me that the flame was welcoming me. Curiosity struck me and I stopped in my tracks to observe what was forming before my eyes. The flame captured within the glass of a hanging lamp illuminated a deep red door with white trimmings and a brass door knocker. A vintage-looking front door. Old fashioned, but newly painted. Have I seen it before? Someone's voice penetrates the silence but I wasn't able to comprehend it. It whispered what sounded like a chant or spell. To me, it sounded lovely and poetic.
I took another step forward and began hearing the faint tune of slow-paced piano music. It was coming from behind the door. The flame grew brighter, making the blood red of the rose bushes nearby stand out. I was too overwhelmed by the sadness in my head and the bewilderment of the dreamlike environment to realize I should not have opened the door. The darkness only continued on inside. My knees felt ready to collapse, realizing there was no resolve to this nightmare. I stood at the threshold, accepting my fate and letting it dissolve in me. All that was within me was darkness. That was who I was now. I was ready to succumb.
I heard the voice again, this time much clearer. “Christine,” it called my name. It beckoned me into the darkness with its voice low like the hum of a sleeping wolf. It was strange but familiar, comforting me away from the dark thoughts. I wondered to myself that if this was nothing but a dream, was there any harm in following the voice? “Answer my call, Christine.” Another voice said but it was many voices at once, distorted into one.
“Yes.” I acknowledged shyly, unsure of who I was talking to this time. I stepped into the darkness, gazing around for any level of light or the silhouette of shapes.
Then the room brightened into a dusky gray, showing a victorian-era style foyer. There were paintings of dead trees in ornate frames, hung to the left just above a hallway cabinet of opened scattered letters. Opposite was a glossy black grand piano with keys playing on their own. Stairs facing the front door spiraled up toward the second floor. That was where I saw him–the host, a hooded shadow hiding from the light of the candle-lit chandelier. He descended the steps while pulling his hood down, revealing a collection of horrifying demons tattooed along his arms. With his hood down, I could make out the outline of a face mask, carved into the shape of a Japanese mythological creature–an Oni. “Come to me.” He commanded, reaching his hand out in my direction.
Seeing him stand at the base of the stairs and letting his tattooed arm lean against the handrail intimidated me. Everything about him scared me. Did I just step into the den of a monster? It was too late to run but I could feel the fear creeping up my neck. Mechanically, I let my hand rest on his, expecting to be sucked into a traumatic nightmare. I anticipated it. My heart, beating through my chest, was ready for the horror. But to my surprise, the unexpected happened.
The host descended to one knee, letting my hand rest softly on top of his. “My Christine.” His distorted voice murmured just loud enough for me to hear the craving in his tone. “How i've waited for this day.” He pressed his mask softly onto the back of my hand as if to kiss it. This is so bizarre.
“What's with the mask?” I blurt out without thinking. Was he a friend or foe? I was already debating. He gazed up as if shocked. Of course I would not trust a complete stranger, especially one who lured me into the dark like this. He stood up, this time wrapping his palm around my hand. “Nothing passes over my Christine. She is too clever.”
“And you are off topic. The mask?” My voice smoothed out into well-thought remarks. He replied with a smiling statement. “I will only take my mask off if you take yours off.”
I froze in place. I wasn’t wearing a mask. The puzzled look on my face must have given my thoughts away. “You’re hiding something.” He told me. “But in time, you will tell me. You will reveal it all for me, my Christine. I have seen the future. I know what’s to come. All pathways lead to me, and you will be with me, with or without my mask on.”
“If you’re so sure, why does it matter?”
Suddenly, he leaned down, facing toward me until his mask was the only thing in my view. “Do you really want to know why?”
“I do–and you will tell me.” I match his tone effortlessly. If he was going to murder me or something, I thought I should have my own fun.
“Very well.” He replied to my utmost surprise. “I believe the mask I wear is for your own protection. I believe you will retreat once you see what I look like. But I brought you here so you will find a home in this place–in me. I am your friend but seeing my face might scare you. My hope was to show you that you aren’t alone and that I am here with you.”
“I don’t trust you.” I state without fear.
“But you will, my Christine. Oh you will.”
His response sent chills down my spine. My lips parted to speak, but I couldn’t find the words. All the questions wrapped around each other in my head like a disorganized pile of wires. As he faced me, I could see he was listening to my every thought. It must have been like music to him, to see him so enraptured in my facial expression. I wasn’t sure how I knew, but I could tell he could sense my emotions. Emotions.
He withdrew from me, pulling his hand away. But I followed like a lost child, keeping my hand on his. “Who are you?” I asked, my voice noticeably muffled. Sleepiness was overpowering me now.
“The universe knows me by a million names. I am the old god of the dark abyss. I am older than time itself, come to the human realm. I call myself Versus, but you may call me V. And I am in love with you, Christine.”
I’m dreaming. I thought to myself as he spoke. I didn’t register what he said. The thought of meeting a god in my dream was enough to trigger my conscience. This isn’t real. None of this is real. How do I even come up with these things?
I focused on the strip of gold along the edges of his mask as he spoke. “Ignore my rambles. You must be tired, my Christine.”
“A little.” I fixate on the softness of his hand as he turns to lead me up the stairs. My vision darkened into a hazy fog until all I could focus on was the strands of silky black hair combed down to his nape. “Then let’s retire for now,” His gentle distorted voice carried me to sleep. “For we have much to discuss when you wake up.”
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Intro
Today is my first attempt at this. Basically, just sharing my life journey with those brave enough to march forward with me. Life is crazy, amazing, wild , hectic, hilarious but never ever boring. I live in the hood in a midwestern city with my two daughters, my husband of 16 years, one small cow ( or large dog, depending on your point of view. Cece is an Anatolian Shepherd, Rott, Lab, Pittie mix who is the sweetest thing alive but still believe she is a small lap pup. She has paws of happy fury every time you come in and you simply must stop and dote on whatever stuffee she brings you.) , Jen a wolfdog ( that one is not a joke. But she is the tamest and sweetest thing alive.) , Milo ,a stub tailed ginger kitten rescued from a dumpster where he was found with his tail chopped off and the scariest member of the family by far, Bishop our sweet but grumpy middle aged Russian gray who smacks the wolf on her way by at least once a day to assert dominance and remind us all who is really in charge. Our house is big enough, cozy and has good architectural features. That was what drew us in. In this case, though, she hid many secrets. I have an attic so rickety I have never been up there. I sent hubby up once to ascertain we are alone in here and he found it all as expected except for a full sized pink plastic couch that some magician fit through an entrance 5 times smaller than the couch itself. Under me is a dirt crawl space ( yep, no fancy concrete foundation for me. ) that floods every time it rains and we call Augustus Gloop. More on that in the future, you are simply not yet prepared for Augustus. Our AC is constantly broken despite constantly being fixed ( like fixed fixed. New AC unit, New heating unit, new blower fan, new thermostat, new coil, etc). So given the fact that we live in an area where summers are constantly over 105 degrees , we now have several large fans and a window AC unit. Memorable events since moving in have included gang shootings in our yard ( just off our porch), a flaming car landing in the yard across the street with people trapped inside and several incidents of the police combing our yard for bullets ( we have shots fired here frequently. We've stopped freaking out. In fact, it has become so normal it has become an annoyance. )They never hit anything. Or they didn't used to. Sadly way too many teens and young adults have been killed here lately. WAY too many. My 20 year old has lost over 20 friends since high school to the rainbow bridge. That is a PROBLEM. These people deserved better. All our kids deserve better. Ok, that's probably enough for day one. I don't want to send you screaming into the night too fast. -
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Cultivating Strength and Compassion as Caregivers of Dementia Patients
Transcending The Happily Ever After Myth
By, Dr. Linda Miles
Joseph Campbell wrote that "the purpose of life is to find joy amidst suffering." Successful couples manage to be happy together much of the time despite Life Challenges.
Once upon a time, over two decades ago, my husband and I wrote a book together called The New Marriage: Transcending the Happily Ever After Myth. The main theme of our book was the ability to let go of myths about marriage and embrace reality—When We read fairytales to Merritt, the granddaughter, we changed the ending. Instead of saying the couple married "and lived happily ever after" we'd say, "they began the work of making a good and happy marriage."
As a psychotherapist, I have been inspired by the work of Stephen Levine and his work with the terminally ill. He writes about "sacred spaciousness" so that patients and caregivers can make room in their minds for the pain and the grace of the moment. I now know firsthand how heartwarming and heartbreaking it is to care for a cherished family member suffering from a chronic condition. Robert, my beloved husband of 33 years, has advanced dementia. He often doesn't recognize me. Just today, he remarked to me, "You look familiar. I have seen you around here quite often. "He may not know me, but I know him.
This is the last chapter of a long love story.
Recently, we renewed our vows—a reminder and promise of togetherness till the end. It helps me find strength by seeking and creating moments of joy amidst suffering. One night before Christmas, when I walked into the bedroom, Robert looked up and told me he had seen me at work many times. He added that he found me smart and attractive and wanted to marry me. What his mind did not remember, his heart still knew. My heart still knows.
His memory, in part, was true; we had worked together as colleagues at a mental health center decades ago. He could not remember that we were already married and had been for decades. I joyfully said yes to this second marriage proposal; we renewed our vows in the company of our family, with our pastor's son performing the ceremony. Robert could not stand, but his longtime friend supported him from his medical school days. So much grace surrounded us that night.
One night after the vow renewal celebration, Robert seemed to know who I was and became protective. My husband had been healthy and worked as a psychiatrist for most of his life. He seemed to think he was protecting me because he told me that I needed to go find someone else because he was now "ugly and dumb." It hurt me that he would feel like that about himself, and I reassured him that I would never leave. With the help of the family and Hospice, we have been able to keep him at home. I am grateful that I am healthy and can care for him.
My adult son saw the toll that caregiving alone was taking on me and offered to move his family from Virginia to help. Having his family here has brought so many moments of joy and opportunities to practice sacred spaciousness. Robert loves having family around. Merritt, the granddaughter we read about relationships, is now pregnant with a great-grandchild named after Robert. She calls weekly from Chicago. No matter where the conversation with Robert takes them, she sounds interested and responds appropriately. Recently, he believed that we were at a campground and she went with the story and ask him all about the tents. Later, I pretended to escort out a wild turkey that he imagined was in the room with us. I later laughed with the family, because there was no way I would get near a wild turkey! I live the lesson that humor can be like a gentle rain that carries away some pent-up tension. I also have good friends who understand my situation because they are also caregivers. I can call them at any hour to vent, share my feelings, and, finally, to laugh.
Being chronically ill can be a heavy burden—too many people can attest to that. What fewer people mention is that caring for a chronically ill loved one takes its toll, too. The caretakers of those who have dementia or Alzheimer's are often referred to as the "second patient" because of the intense physical and emotional demands of this type of caretaking. It's easy to feel burned out, worn down, psychologically distressed, or even resentful when motivated by guilt, a sense of duty, social pressure, or greed. On the other hand, caregivers who combine duty with the desire to show loving-kindness and genuinely protect the person they care for are those who experience fewer negative emotions. Such caring is associated with positive feelings, positive brain chemicals, including oxytocin and dopamine, and the increased likelihood of reaching out to others for help and support.
The National Institute of Health cites that the majority of caregivers enjoy the positive experiences that foster togetherness with their loved ones: shared activities, bonding, spiritual and personal growth, increased faith, and feelings of accomplishment and mastery. When duty and desire are aligned, there is increased fulfillment and reduced psychological distress. Caretakers of those with chronic conditions—just like chronic patients themselves—can individually become better or bitter based on their capacity for loving kindness toward themselves and others.
A happy and sustainable relationship bypasses fairytale notions about marriage and happens when two people deal together with the vicissitudes of life. Although it takes work, resilience, faith, compassion, and the conscious choice to confront—and not run from—life's challenges.
To overcome these challenges and find purpose in life, it is important to celebrate life together. I find many moments of light as a caregiver for my husband. And its life-affirming, hope-igniting, and heart-warming to pursue and celebrate love as this lasting light. It is easy to give and receive love when the going is easy, the sun is shining, our cares are few, and the romance is fresh. It is harder— fulfilling—to share love when the road is littered with challenges, the day has darkened, and time or trouble has made us (in the words of Yeats) feel old and grey and full of sleep. But that is where we find true love, the love that is consciously cultivated brings opportunities for transformation of the mind and spirit. As I write this, my husband peacefully sleeps, and the door is open to our wooded backyard on a beautiful day. I take time to mindfully experience the miracles around us and feel gratitude that the love of my life is still beside me.
Dr. Linda Miles
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Divorce | J.P
Paring: James Potter X Slytherin!Reader
Summary: Reader goes through divorce with her arranged husband but sees her Hogwarts crush almost two years later at her Potions shop in Diagon Alley
Divorce sucks. There is no other way to say it. There is no amount of sugar to properly coat the words to make them seem better than they are. Instead, they’re pure salt– pure acidity. An arranged marriage for purebloods was typical. That doesn’t mean that everyone technically agrees they work. Some speculate that arranged marriages work more than chosen marriages. Y/n wouldn’t be one of those people.
Her family was a part of the sacred twenty-nine. The L/n’s, to be more specific. Y/n was a model child, an only child at that. She was sorted into Slytherin with not a consideration of any other house. Immediately at the age of sixteen, she was engaged to another man called Zenix Flores, another family of the sacred twenty-eight. Zenix was sweet, but he wasn’t her type.
Throughout her years at Hogwarts, Y/n stared at another. His name was James Potter. A star Quidditch player for the Gryffindor team. The best Chaser. Y/n’s lingering stares and dreamy look didn’t make it past Zenix. Fortunately, Zenix had eyes for another as well, Sirius Black, the best friend of James Potter. They bonded over that. They bonded over being in love with people they couldn’t have.
Everyone dies eventually. Immortality is not reality, and once Y/n’s parents died. Divorce was in order. However, they didn’t love each other like they should’ve it still sucked. They were close friends. But did close friends have a child together? Leo Flores, the product of Y/n Flores and Zenix Flores, was only eight years old when they went through the divorce. Leo was a token to show that Zenix and Y/n fell in love. An illusion.
It took months, but after the process was complete, Y/n left. Leo was to be in her care for the rest of his life. Zenix would send some of his profit to them to help, but he would never see his son again. Granted, he didn’t treat Leo well. Always so harsh, so strict on the little boy. The first words out of Leo’s mouth were ma’am and sir. Not momma or daddy. Instead, they were formalities.
They lived in an apartment in Diagon Alley. It wasn’t huge, but it was enough. Y/n changed her last name, and Leo’s back to L/n. Another long process but worth the wait. Y/n worked at a Potions shop in the Alley. Sometimes her old friend Severus would visit and buy some ingredients, but no one else she knew ever came into the shop. Not until he showed up at the door.
James Potter came waltzing into the Potions shop like it was nobody’s business. Unknown to the woman working the shop, he had been watching her work from afar. Just across the street was a bookstore where Remus would visit. During one of those visits, James caught sight of her. Granted, James didn’t think he’d find love after Lily ran away after his proposal claiming he wasn’t enough but that all changed when he saw her.
The feelings came back like it was yesterday she was gazing at him from the Slytherin table in the Great Hall. Y/n’s cheeks were set ablaze, and her stomach was placed into a frenzy of a million different feelings. Her heart made it seem like she ran around the Quidditch pitch one thousand times. Unbeknownst to her, he felt the same way.
Eventually, he made his way to the counter, “ Um- Good Afternoon. “
“ Good afternoon, sir. How may I assist you today? “ Y/n asked despite her racing heart, “ I need some help brewing a complex Potion. “ James confessed, fiddling with his hands.
“ What Potion, sir? “ Y/n inquired, “ Wolfsbane. “ James answered.
Her eyebrow quirked upward, “ That is a difficult Potion. It could have awful defects if made incorrectly. “ Y/n explained, looking at the ingredient list, “ How about this, I’ll make you the Potion instead of you possibly messing it up? “
“ How can I trust you won’t mess up? “ James questioned, smirking teasingly, “ Well. If it helps any, I received O’s on all of my Potion examinations, even in N.E.W.T level. “ Y/n quipped.
“ Well. I suppose you know your stuff. “ He replied as he crossed his arms, “ I suppose I do. “ Y/n retorted with a smile.
So James decided that she’d make the Potion. He would’ve paid her a million Galleons if he was just allowed to sit in the shop and stare at her. She was a beauty and moved so gorgeously. She moved with a purpose, with determination and ambition. Sirius and Remus had begun teasing him as James stared longingly at the Potions shop across the street.
“ Do you know her name? “ Remus asked, standing beside James now, “ No? “ James stated.
Remus chuckled; of course, he didn’t, “ Y/n L/n. She was a Slytherin in our year. Amazingly brilliant she is. Apparently, she was married to Zenix Flores but got divorced two years ago. “
James and Sirius stared gobsmacked, “ Did you stalk Prongs’ future wife? “ Sirius accused, and Remus shrugged, “ I was curious. Plus, I knew her at Hogwarts. She was a Prefect. We had a lot of rounds together. “
“ She was a Prefect? “ James queried, “ Mhm. You were too busy drooling at Lily to notice her. “ Remus nodded.
Now James felt incredibly stupid. All those pranks on the Slytherin house made him feel exceptionally stupid, knowing that she could’ve caught the backlash on some of them. Not only that, but she was a part of the sacred twenty-eight. James had never felt more idiotic, and he had gotten rejected after proposing to his girlfriend. That was saying something.
A month had passed, and the potion was ready. So once again, James walked into the Potions shop. This time she had a messy top knot present on top of her hair. Her eyes held extreme tiredness, and she moved almost sluggishly. James was worried. But Y/n saw him enter the shop and her cheerful smile glazed her face. Two bottles were now present on the counter for James to take.
He stood at the counter and pressed ten Galleons on the table, “ Sir, they’re only three Galleons. “ Y/n stated, “ Take the extra. You look exhausted. “ James replied.
“ Th- Thank you. “ Y/n smiled, “ Thank you, Y/n, for making these. “ James said gratefully.
Y/n blushed, “ I- Um- You were a Slytherin Prefect in my year at Hogwarts. “ James stammered, “ I’m sorry I didn’t recognize you before. “
“ It’s okay. Divorce can do that to you, Huh? “ Y/n laughed bitterly, “ Well, when I proposed to Lily, she straight up told me I wasn’t good enough so, that was almost like divorce minus the paperwork. “ James added.
“ I’m- I’m so sorry. “ Y/n apologized, “ No, no. I’m okay, trust me. It’s been about three years. “ James replied.
Before Y/n could speak again, steps were heard from the second story, “ Mom! Mom! “ Leo’s voice called as he rushed down the steps.
“ Mom! “ Leo appeared from behind the counter to see James and a blushing Y/n, “ Oops, uh, sorry, mom. “
“ No, it’s fine. Come here. “ James beckoned, and Leo hesitantly approached, “ What’s your name, little man? “
“ I’m ten! “ Leo announced proudly, and James chuckled, “ That’s awesome! “ James smiled.
Y/n turned to her son, “ What did you need, Leo? “ Despite being embarrassed, she was calm, “ You accidentally placed my quills on a high shelf. I can't reach them. “ Leo confessed, slightly embarrassed.
“ I’ll be up in just a second, but- “ Y/n began, but James stuck out his hand, “ I’m James. “
“ I’m Leo. “ Leo accepted the handshake and smiled at the adult man, “ If your mom doesn’t mind, maybe we could chat? “ James inquired, looking toward Y/n.
Leo looked hopeful at his mom, “ Please? “
“ Sure. You can go. “ Y/n allowed, and Leo hopped over the counter.
Before James could leave the proximity of the counter, Y/n grabbed his wrist, “ Please. Take care of him; I'm trusting you blindly here. “ She pleaded, and James smirked, “ Of course. “
The rest of the day went smoothly. Y/n had closed shop and began restocking items when they showed up. James' unkempt brown hair was more unorganized, but his hazel eyes glassed with mischief. Leo’s black hair was blown away from the rain, and his blue eyes sparkled with excitement. James beckoned the ten-year-old back upstairs while he approached Y/n.
“ So? Have a nice day with my kid? “ Y/n teased, and James chuckled, “ He’s fantastic. “
“ I know. “ She replied, “ I took him for ice cream, and we went shopping for a little. “ James informed.
Y/n melted at the adoration present on James' face, “ Do you need any money back? I can- “
“ No. Don’t worry about it, doll. I’ve got it covered. “ James interjected, “ I just saw him, and he had this look. He looked trapped. He needed to leave and just let loose for a couple of hours. “
“ I- I really love him. “ James confessed, and Y/n smirked, “ You’re in love with my son but not the woman who created him? “
“ If we're being honest. I’ve been watching you from the bookstore across the street. I thought you were gorgeous. Remus was the one who told me who you were. “ He admitted nervously, “ But being with your son today. If you’d like, could I take him out more often? “
She stepped down from the ladder and stood in front of him, “ How about you stay forever? “
“ I- I mean that is if you want. I know that I’m a pureblood, and- and my son- you probably don’t want to have a child right now. He’ll be going to Hogwarts soon, and quite frankly, I’m not sure I’ll be able to handle it. But- But his former father wasn’t amazing, and I’m not sure you want that responsibility- “
Y/n was cut off when James grabbed her by the waist and placed his lips on hers. His thumbs rubbed gentle circles on her skin through her shirt. Y/n’s hands went through his unkept brown tuffs and his glasses slightly fogged from the heat of the kiss. They pulled apart but rested their foreheads on each other. They were still somewhat breathless from the soft kiss.
He held her chin in his hand, “ I’d love nothing more than to stay forever. “
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