.

❧ you’re absolutely fucking GOLDEN and i cannot wait to see who you BECOME ❧

❝ I met a girl like sunshine and lightning. Now suddenly, I’m an optimist. ❞ SOFIA CARSON? No, that’s actually LUCY WEASLEY. A SEVENTH YEAR student, this HUFFLEPUFF student is sided with MCGONAGALL’S ARMY. SHE identifies as a CIS-WOMAN and is a HALF-BLOOD who is known to be UNAMBITIOUS, BLASÉ, and IMPRACTICAL but also COMPASSIONATE, CONFIDENT, and LOYAL. { JANE, 22, NZT, SHE/HER }

make way for the chaotic horny!

resident unambitious, impractical sunshine girl, but compassionate, loyal, and always up for shenanigans!

her pinterest can be found here !!

there are so many exclamation marks so far but honestly that’s on brand for lucy’s energy

she’s adopted! same age as molly (she’s a sag, so she’s already eighteen, merlin almighty) and same dorm too —- even though they’re not actually, just bc of the adopted thing, lucy absolutely considers them twins in spirit and she loves molly more than anything in the world

they’re the same age but like.... honestly lucy always thought of molly as who she’d want to be when she grew up lmao? it’s just, well, they both want to help people, but frankly, molly is much better at it. she’s just..... much more practical and skilled asdfghjkl

that said, lucy’s pretty confident in who she is. sure, she absolutely admires the hell out of her friends and relatives — thinks all their skills are ah-maz-ing and wishes she had some of their practicality and competence — but she knows who she is and she’s happy in that. she’ll always love & think the world of her family and friends but she really is secure in who she is too. it makes sense to her that people like lily and james are better at this new world than her. it’s not thinking less of herself, it’s just —- practically, she’s utterly useless for practicality, and that’s. not ideal in war but overall, it’s okay, like, she’s Okay, that’s just how it is, she’ll just blithely stomp on someone in heels, you know? i think it’s good, though, like even though she’s useless at so many things, she’s so sure in who she is —- i think it’s something her friends and family can anchor to and rely on, even if she doesn’t realise it. like, whatever else, lucy is absolutely ridiculous but she’s unwavering in that and herself and her love for all of them

lucy absolutely loves a good wind up & takes great pleasure in teasing her father and uncles. she loves her dad though until the absolute end —- looooooves him. her dad can be pompous, and he’s a stickler for rules and he can be boring and uppity and sometimes he’s too snooty and she wants to whack him up the head, and she teases him for being silly all the time, but he’s good, underneath it all. she’s absolutely nothing like him and she puts very little stock in bravery ( like, it’s cool, but — whatever? she’s grown up with brave people all her life, and she loves them, but not bc they’re brave? ) but she thinks sometimes people forget there are lots of different kinds of bravery and ok sure her dad didn’t face voldemort like uncle harry did nor face those giant spiders when he was small like uncle ron did ( someone else in her family would probably know what they’re called and all the other unnecessary information about them but lucy’s never been especially interested in magical creatures, frankly ) but for someone ambitious, someone who needs to be right, someone who has pride in himself, one of the bravest things he can do—one of the best testaments to his character—is being able to swallow that pride and admit to being wrong. and he does that sometimes, she’s seen him do that, and she loves him fiercely for it. lucy knows her dad is considered the boring one, of the assorted uncles, but she doesn’t care—she loves him fiercely and she takes a lot of her importance of family from him.

still, even though she loves him, she’s absolutely nothing like him except for the family importance situation. like, she’s so unambitious that it quite possibly physically hurts him. she handles it by just blithely ignoring it and kissing him on the cheek and just teasing him until he gets worked up and she ends up laughing and her mother yells something about cholesterol from the living room. she loves him to death but she’s not going to change just bc… she’s not like him? she wouldn’t have the slightest idea where to start. she knows he loves her, and she loves him, and that’s enough for her. lucy is lucky to have the cheerful irreverence and blithe willpower to just sort of ignore her dad and laugh everything off when necessary.

that said, he’s so pompous and it’s so funny. lucy 100% takes more after her mother, who’s more creative (kimberly and i are still discussing what she does for a job but we know it’s going to be creative or social justice oriented and v much non ministry), but she’s always gotten along great with her uncles bc they’re so down for a wind up, just like she is

she’s… not practical. like, she’s so impractical. she loves loves loves helping people because she loves people in general but, frankly, she’s not always very effective about it bc she’s just not a practical person. she tries though, she really does. it doesn’t always go her way, but her heart is always in the right place

i mean she’s genuinely nice?? she never really tries to be good and she’s not particularly polite, but she just really likes people and it manifests in genuine compassion and infectious laughter. she’ll also talk to and flirt with anyone. wish i was joking. but yeah like re: niceness, she’s not always, like, polite and she teases and stuff, but she has a good heart and honestly probably doesn’t have a mean bone in her body

she’s going to be incredibly stoked and also startled if she passes her n.e.w.t.s and is probably 35% of the way to albus having a stroke

she takes charms, herbology and divination because she’s actually pretty decent at those and has fun, and someone talked her into sticking with dada so she had a back up so she didn’t end up with only two n.e.w.t.s if she didn’t pass, and it has worked out somewhat in that she has slightly more defensive skill than she would have if not, but she really needs to refocus in that class (or just when people are teaching skills in the m.a.) because at this point, her best plan for attack/defense/fighting is to stomp on people in her scary heels

sofia carson isn’t particularly tall but lucy’s like 5′10″

has the most mad ideas and just. goes with it. absolute blithe confidence and good humour, decides to try turn the black lake into a beach or something. a fair knack for getting people to come along with her, especially because even some of the more exasperated and reasonable people she knows often end up coming along just to try stop it from reaching the absolute heights of madness, bc they know she’s quite hard to deter

she never means to cause trouble, not really, but it’s the obvious consequence of her ideas that she doesn’t think through

loves matchmaking and loves love

not so much for herself though —- she’s absolutely not opposed, but she’s a chaotic horny and while generally likeable and she likes people, very much so, she’s never been in a long-term relationship, though she’s been on bunches of dates

would absolutely play fmk in her dorm and give only professors as options

nsfw tw // would rather fuck shrek than kylo ren // end tw

lucy’s just... honestly, all heart. she’s far from the most practical, knowledgeable or pragmatic, and she’ll drive you up the wall even as she has you laughing fondly, but she loves with all she has and she’s generous and gives freely, and she’s loyal and will always have your back, even if her skills aren’t helpful... she’ll always be there with you

death, grief, loss, war tw // war is hard. it is. no matter who you are. but with something like this, where it’s touched her loved ones, it’s inescapable. honestly, lucy feels kind of helpless. she adores her entire family, and uncle harry was always someone who never made her feel silly for who she was. not that it would have been an easy thing to do with her blasé approach to life, or that any of her relatives would intentionally try that anyway, but uncle harry has always felt like warmth, quiet love, and making space for others without them having to fight for it. and him being gone is something lucy doesn’t know how to deal with. for the most part, she’s excellent at separating things from her personal life, which is sort of how she’s approaching the fact that their school administration is taking away personal freedoms, and showing their bias, with a fairly blithe attitude for the most part, but harry and minerva and kingsley are too close to home. she can’t separate those, and honestly, she’s not sure she’d want to. it might feel like a disservice, and feeling things is the one thing she knows she can do for them, capably. it makes her blood boil, as much as her blood can, because how dare they take away such good from the world? how dare they take them away from their families, the people who love them? and she’s scared, when she stops to think about it, but truthfully, she doesn’t think about that too much. not for herself, exactly, but the people she loves. being scared is a new experience for her, but it’s not something that stops her —- she’d still step out into a fight, which is frankly just an awful idea, she’d be no help whatsoever, but she just can’t bear the idea of someone she loves stepping out alone, so she’ll always be with them. silly, scattered, flighty and blithe as she may be, impractical to a fault, but her heart’s in the right place. the biggest impact of harry’s death is that she’s just sad about it. her grief isn’t a fiery rage, as much as the injustice of it rankles her. it’s just a loss that isn’t sure how to build something back up in a world without such a huge part present. but lucy’s always been someone with more mad ideas than sense, and a heart full of love and light, and a knack for making others laugh because she herself is so often laughing, and maybe that’s all she can do now. just be herself, and hope that alleviates things for some people. // end tw

her music taste is weird

or like

not weird, just there’s no real theme or specifications to it except that it’s got a beat that makes her feel alive

the easiest way to encapsulate it is to probably say her ideal playlist is one that you can sing along to at the top of your lungs while driving down a highway with the windows down and wind streaming through your hair & dance in your seat to

THIS SONG is a example of what i mean (i think she’d be down with the message too, like, a song abt loving a city? fuck yeah, nothing’s soulless! but the real draw of it is that it’s something she’d enjoy singing along to on a road trip. something PUMPY. you know what else is on this playlist? fuckin’ all star by smashmouth. hips don’t lie by shakira. 4ever by the veronicas. money by 5sos. life is a highway by rascal flatts. the fuckin’ jo bros. we’re living large here people)

character parallels: janet van dyne / the wasp ( bubbly, chatty, loyal, friendly socialite turned fashion designer turned superhero — marvel 616. ) ; cleo sertori ( sunshine ditz extraordinaire — h2o just add water. ) ; simone ( flaky, irresponsible, bright hearted, confident, i think she’s a model & will sleep with anyone (see caption) — the wrong girl. ) ; evie grimhilde ( fashion designer who loves making people over, true love, has chemistry with everybody & stomps on someone’s foot as a legitimate tactic when swordfighting — the descendants. ) ; thor odinson ( confident, good-hearted, unambitious, sometimes thoughtless or careless, doesn’t know who kevin bacon is & would hug the hulk — mcu. ) ; chelsea parker ( flirty, ditzy, outrageous, silly, usually says whatever she’s thinking & would make out with someone/flirt as a distraction for shenanigans and escapades — st trinians. ) 

Shake It Off: Love and thanks to the cast of SAA 2019

Hello friends, I've just returned from a week in Washington DC where I spent a few days at the Folger Shakespeare Library followed by a few days at my all-time favorite conference, the annual meeting of the Shakespeare Association of America. I would say that it's like Comic Con for Shakespeareans but there's a lot less cosplay (no, we're not a Ren Faire) and a lot more intellectually crunchy panels featuring the newest scholarship by brilliant scholars in the field. Some people in my position would, I'm sure, not be so invested in attending an academic conference that they spent the night before their first chemo treatment completing the paper in time for the participation deadline (perhaps the most on-brand thing I have ever done). They're occasions that we often grouse about, after all: the timing is bad; the flights and hotels are expensive; the schedule is too packed; the program doesn't have what we want on it; we have to grade/prepare lessons/do admin work when we get home. Admittedly, this is a more fun conference than many and I see a lot less general grumpiness about it than some I could name (*cough* MLA *cough*). It does share a little bit of the carnival atmosphere of Comic Con, culminating in a dance on the last night that could feel hokey (and does to some people...the conference is divided pretty sharply between dance-attenders and dance non-attenders) but which gives me the kind of warm feelings of kinship that you get from dancing at a wedding. Like: ah, nerdy as they are, this is my family.

[Below the cut: thoughts and thanks to the members of my profession.]

Perhaps this trip was kind of a weird thing for someone with Stage 4 cancer to be doing. I have, potentially, precious little time in this world (even in the best case scenario it's far less time than I'd anticipated) so why spend so much of it on work? The simple answer is that, with less time, it has become all the more important to spend it doing the things that make me feel the most like myself. And that means a trip to a rare books library where I can spend 8 hours a day combing through 400-year-old plays in search of annotations. It means doing a survey cross-indexing my list of plays against the library catalog while listening to all the Girl Talk albums in succession. It means the giddy satisfaction of closing out the library and going to happy hour with my fellow researchers. It means 10-hour conference days where I work hard and play hard and take copious notes in appreciation of my friends' and colleagues' fantastic minds (and maybe sneak a nap in my hotel room during the late-afternoon slump). And it means closing out the weekend with a community that has stepped up in incredible support of me in the time since I've made my diagnosis public in a way I did not expect and am profoundly grateful for - a fact which is the point of this post. I found myself in the hotel bar somewhere in the neighborhood of 2am on Sunday morning, quite literally weak in the knees from so much dancing, guzzling water and keeping company with colleagues who I've come to call friends as we all, exhaustedly, said repeatedly "we should go to bed" and subsequently did not. There was a real last-day-of-camp vibe that infused the whole thing with preemptive nostalgia for the time--so soon!--when we would not be together in the same place. This is the thing about assembling in person only for a few days every year. There is never enough time to catch up one-on-one (or even many-on-many) among the events of the days. It's both the best and worst part of attending a conference where your colleagues are also friends. You're left wanting more time, more conversation, more connection. Many conversations and much of the friendship continues over various forms of social media, which I have a very deep attachment to and which has helped me make it through these years of instability and separation from people I care about. Some people regard social media or blogs (like this one) as a stand-in or poor substitute for the intimacy of real-world friendships. But for someone like me who became a teenager at the same time instant messaging apps came into existence (shoutout to AIM!) and who has had the repeated experience of developing a friendship or a friend group only to have to bid farewell to its members they are a godsend. They are a conduit for intimacy, fostering it but not replacing it. At this conference I had the unusual and somewhat surreal experience of having people--some of whom I knew well, some of whom only in passing or from Twitter, some not at all--reach out and thank me for writing and sharing so much of myself. Some of them had been through something similar, either on their own or with a loved one. Others hadn't but wanted me to know that my experience had affected them and that they were on my side, hoping along with me for things to get better. I was moved almost to tears several times because, in that way that happens when you write and then post into the void, I wasn't sure anyone was listening. But they were and responded with manifold kindness. It seemed somehow symbolic of my experience with the academic profession overall. It can seem cold and empty, as we are all separated by space and time (especially the lack of it). And when we speak into it not as a professional academic but as a person the likelihood of getting any response, let alone a positive one, seems so slim. That is, I think, why revealing so much of myself on here seemed somewhat risky to me and would to many people. We cultivate very carefully our professional selves, even in casual interactions, because the line between the personal and the professional is so blurry in academia. Often we use this fact to impute great skepticism to our readers (our colleagues); better not to show any vulnerability in case someone, some day, may want to hire you and who would want to hire a vulnerable human being? But in this case I've seen the other side of that grey area. I found a wealth of empathy where I did not expect it. And that as much as anything has made me want to keep working, to keep writing, to stay in this academic community. Your continued and continual support has really sustained me. I do recognize, however, that one reason I'm able to share all this is that I have a secure job. I think I would still be posting about my experience in any case simply because it isn't in my nature not to share thoughts on the most important thing in my life. But I also know that it's my privilege to be able to do so, to even have the choice. And it is a choice that I have made in smaller ways in the past too. I still recall several years ago during one of my turns on the academic job market when I received an unsolicited email from someone I did not know (although we had a friend in common) informing me that my Twitter account was unprofessional and that I was likely writing myself out of a job. Of course, I cracked my knuckles and wrote a pointed reply about how I had quite literally written a dissertation on the concept of the public sphere and thought very carefully about what I wanted to put in public or not and, what's more, that it was only for me to decide and not for him to arbitrate. (For the record, I do not consider my account "unprofessional" since it is a purely personal account from which I sometimes tweet about work-related things. Also for the record, this person wrote back with an apology.) But that fear, stoked by incidents like that, would keep many junior people (or even senior people) from publicly showing their wounds--literal and figurative--in a situation like this. I am glad to be able to speak. I am more than glad that someone is listening. As I return home from the conference, prepared to resume chemo again on Thursday, I feel sadness and trepidation, sure, but I do also feel energized and supported, raised up by a larger community of far-flung friends, colleagues, acquaintances; people I've never met face-to-face and people who are an integral part of my daily life. Friends, academics, Shakespeareans, you are a wonderful bunch. Thank you for making this trip and this conference an occasion to recharge and return to fight another day.

Political Incident - Chapter VIII

Having been with him since she was but an infant, Rey had experienced all the different shades of Master Luke's silence throughout the years. However, this was nothing like the boring, meditative silence or the "annoyed-by-your-attitude" silence; and even though Rey was more than eager to leave the island, her master's quiet as they grew farther from it certainly became a concern to her. Many times during their journey she had questioned him about their destination, finally turning to interrogate the accompanying sailors to learn more, as the old wizard remained stubbornly wordless during their journey. Knowing at least where they were headed helped Rey carry on with the tiresome trip. Of course, she was still painfully curious about the reason for their hasty departure, but now she was too focused on her hunger and the cold to question further. One night, around their campfire, Master Luke finally spoke. -We will arrive in Arkanis shortly. There, I will ask of you to follow my lead no matter what happens.

She nodded energetically, her moves intensified by the cold and her eagerness to understand.

-I felt evil spreading across this place. A shadow, growing above Arkanis. -You felt it... on the island? But it is so... Far from here ! -I am... connected to someone who is here. Her presence is unusual, and the malevolent aura around Arkanis does not bode well, hence our rushed arrival. (He stirs the ashes to stoke the flames) When we land, we need to be invisible. This dark force I sense is strong and won't be fooled easily. We must act with caution. Act like we belong, walk around the city like we belong. Mere citizens. His strategy will probably be the same. When the source of Darkness is identified to me, then I will tell you what measures we'll take against it.

  *****************************************

  Poe had insisted to remain among the people during the assembly. From there, he could get an idea of the situation as a whole. He could see the poor expression on Leia's face. She was obviously tired by all of this. Who wouldn’t be? Two months had passed since her son killed Brendol Hux, previously King of Arkanis, to claim the throne for himself. Brendol’s heir had not been heard of since then, and even though Kylo Ren’s reign was too short to have been proven worse than the late Brendol Hux, the people of Arkanis were not fond of their new ruler. Leia Ren had struggled to ease their discontent. She had publicly insisted on several occasions that the Rens were not there to enslave Arkanis or let it die, and that she would do her utmost to help their nation recover. She even stated that once matters were sorted, they would arrange a vote for a new ruler―one that the people see fit. Until then, they were all invited to take part in the assemblies she had organized, and speak their minds. Kylo Ren’s face was always tense during these meetings. It was obvious that he hated being here at the center of attention, in front a crowd and listening to critiques on himself and his family. He had his eyes set on a particular man who had been ranting for more than several minutes, now. Poe was not a strong advocate for Kylo Ren, but even he could admit that the individual was distorting facts. He was blaming the Rens for issues that had existed in Arkanis even before their arrival. Could two months in power be enough for hunger and criminality to appear?

-My mother was kind enough to give you an opportunity to speak your mind, and this is how you use your freedom of speech? Kylo said, poorly containing his anger.

Poe Dameron scoffed and spoke in Finn’s ear:

-What is the meaning of this, really? He'd better let his mother do the talking, he's only making things worse.

Finn looked at Kylo Ren with compassion. After all, he was the man who saved his life only a few months ago. He knew what Poe thought about him, they had already discussed it and they didn't agree. Poe thought Kylo was a tyrant in the making, while Finn couldn’t think badly of someone who had risked so much to save him.

-If he was given a chance, maybe…

Poe rolled his eyes with a smirk.

-I don’t think so. He has no idea how to handle these people. He barely knows how to handle himself.

Poe knew perfectly well where his allegiances lied. He used to trust Leia Ren and respect her decisions. Unfortunately, he couldn’t do the same for her son, and it seemed Kylo had become the one in charge of their party lately. He knew that if anything went wrong―if Kylo began to show a side of himself that reminded Poe of the late Brendol Hux―he would have to act against it. Leia was too blinded by filial love to see this dangerous possibility. Poe always thought of himself as fair―he knew he could be a better leader than Kylo. In time, he could probably convince even Finn of that.

  *****************************************

  Kylo was paralyzed. Not by dread, but by anger. The afternoon’s assembly was still on his mind, and his fists were still painfully clenched. People didn't understand him―story of his life. Stupid Arkanis. Acting like I killed a saint when they should be thanking me. I did nothing wrong. Nothing. That's all he could think about. That, and Armitage Hux's disappearance. He wanted to stop languishing over him; to stop feeling the guilt, the anxiety. How will he react when he sees me? Will he draw his sword? Will he leave me no choice but to fight him again, for the name of a father that treated him like garbage? He saw it all, in the cold night of a storm. It was like their minds had been made one, that day. He saw and felt Armitage’s swirling hatred and frustration, enveloping all around him like a drape. When he felt this, he had pushed his sword further inside Brendol Hux’s chest. They were one, him and Armitage. His hands were his. He accomplished this assassination for both of them, and for a second he felt proud of it. But Armitage left their strange union sooner that it had began, pushed away by the reality of what Kylo had done. He had let out a dreadful, silent scream. It was at this moment, Kylo realized Brendol’s heir didn’t see this murder as their achievement, but as Kylo’s treason.

When he returns, we’ll talk. I’ll change his mind, I’m sure. He hated his father. He can’t hate me more than he hated him.

Desperate to make contact with an untraceable Armitage, Kylo Ren spent all his nights after killing Brendol in the prince’s room. He couldn’t reach him again like he did during the storm, no matter how hard he tried. Waiting for a sign, any sign, he examined the room and what it contained. A simple note scrawled in the corner on a page of a well-worn book made Kylo feel closer… But that wasn’t enough. It wasn’t the real thing. Even when Kylo found Armitage’s scent still pressed in his sheets, lying on his stomach and letting his lungs fill with it―the silence looming over him was heavy with uncertainty, and it was not enough. Kylo’s lack of connection to Armitage, and the fact that nobody knew what had happened to the prince unnerved Kylo greatly. He wanted to go look for him in the woods, but his mother had her eyes (which included her own and everyone else’s in the castle) on him. He couldn’t leave the castle’s grounds at all. He had tried once, but it had proved unsuccessful. He had no choice but to wait, no matter how awful waiting felt. After this tough day of dealing with angry people, Kylo wanted nothing more than to turn in early and get some rest. However, he found he couldn’t fall asleep so easily. He was finally about to fall asleep when his body rose from the bed, seemingly on its own accord. Something tugged at the ends of his consciousness. It was this feeling growing inside of him that made him sit up, but just a feeling. Getting closer, closer to the castle. The sensation was not as strong as before, but it was there. Armitage was there. Having caught onto this thread, Kylo Ren rushed down the stairs, where he encountered his mother. She called him out:

-Where are you going, Kylo? -He’s back! The gates, mother, open the gates!

Leia had felt a familiar presence around Arkanis as well, but it was not so close to the castle. It was away, deep in the woods or in the mountains. Who could put her son in such a state? Don’t tell me…

She gave the order, deciding to follow her son’s instinct. Soon, what remained of Arkanis’ royal guard had opened the gates. Leia wasn’t sure this was a good idea anymore, for as soon as the five figures entered, she felt trapped. There was something different about Armitage Hux, she figured it even in the darkness. Was he always so slim? He was, wasn’t he? What about his face? When was the last time he had slept? Right now, he looked like he had known no sleep his entire life. The two knights of Ren kneeled at the view of their master, who approached Armitage Hux at a quick pace, then stopped right away as if facing an invisible wall. He focused on his voice, for it not to be shaky.

-Armitage Hux. -Kylo Ren.

The way the prince of Arkanis answered made Kylo pause. Dread curled in his belly. There’s something off, here. He must know of what I did, and he blames me. Perhaps Armitage hates me, after all. Still, Kylo Ren kept his eyes fixed to the other man. Until Armitage collapsed. Kylo made a move to intervene, but Phasma quickly swept in and caught Armitage even before his body touched the ground. Snoke told Phasma:

-The prince needs rest. Get him to his room, quickly.

She nodded and left, carrying Armitage now. Snoke turned to face Kylo and his mother. Kylo hadn’t even noticed the old man before, as he was too focused on Armitage Hux. For a moment, remaining silent, he asked himself: Who is he? Then, as if the answer was whispering directly inside his head, he knew his name was Snoke. Of course. Kylo now felt like he had always known him. With a gesture of Snoke’s hand, Jeha and Liel stood from their crouch.

-It is good to be back, Snoke said with a smile. -Where were you all? Kylo asked. -We were trapped in a cave, far into the woods, Snoke answered, Most of them were injured, and I’m too old to fight the unforgiving weather of Arkanis. I took care of them and we waited for the storm to settle.

Kylo nodded. He looked at the ground, asking:

-What’s happening to Armitage? Is he okay? -He will be fine, child. Don’t worry. He’s not a force of nature, but with proper care he will be back on his feet in no time.

Leia couldn’t look away from Snoke during this interaction. He noticed it, and bowed to kiss her hand, making her uncomfortable.

-Milady, your advisor has returned to you.

My advisor, Leia repeated in her head. Somehow, it didn’t sound right at all. She could feel that something was off, and tried to make eye contact with her son to communicate this, but she had lost his attention. He told his knights to come with him and followed Phasma inside the castle with determined steps. Snoke, on the other hand, had his eyes fixed on Leia’s. He was digging for her deepest thoughts, she knew it as she felt the cold contamination of his presence. She attempted to fight it, but now she could hear him, talking in her head. Your advisor is back, Milady. Don’t fight it. Be compliant. Give in, like your son. Give in to despair and confusion. It’s the only way. Nobody can keep me out anymore. It didn’t feel right at all. For only a moment, she understood. He was never her advisor. She had never known this man. Her son was in danger. Her terror reached its peak, and with it a darkness she could not fight anymore.

He was her faithful advisor.

The Last Jedi is the Best Star Wars Movie Since ‘Empire’...What?!

Film is subjective, you can like or dislike any movie you want and you are not right or wrong for it. I am not here to tell you that you are wrong in disliking The Last Jedi, it is naive and futile to argue against someone else's subjectivity.  I am writing this because I am seeing the same reasons for why people didn't like the movie over and over again. Some of these reasons I agree with, some I disagree with, and some I feel are invalid altogether. I also feel that none of these reasons are sufficient enough to warrant the absolute vitriol, accusations of childhood murdering, personal attacks on Rian Johnson and crew, and complete chastising of every positive opinion on the movie. I also feel like a lot of these points are inconsistent with our treatments of the other Star Wars movies. In this article, I am going to approach every MAJOR problem (Sorry Benicio, your stutter didn't make the cut) with this movie, as well as expand on them and why I think they are invalid, unimportant, and even sometimes right. I will do this by doing my best to put aside my bias for Star Wars, and against detractors of the film. Instead I will focus on VERY basic screenwriting concepts, logic, and evidence. I am imperfect though, so if I screw up please forgive me. This is not a paper full of apologies for the movie, it is a compilation of arguments against claims against it. I feel like that is an important distinction to make. Feel free to skip to sections relating to you if you deem it necessary.

I began this writing excercise by giving myself a few rules:

1. I will be using the original trilogy for most of my comparing and contrasting. I like the prequels, but they are easy targets and there aren't many examples where I can use them to give weight to my argument. So I'm focusing on the "good" ones. 2. I am familar with a majority of New Canon novels, comics, tv shows, etc. But I will not be citing them for ammunition either. While I believe that the ancillary material does add to the viewing of the movies, it is not and should not be necessary. Therefore, I will not lean on the easy out of "If you've read the books..."

Without further ado, let's get started.

1. Time I will begin with some outside influences that may have affected some people's view of the movie, with the first one being time. The Force Awakens left us on a cliffhanger, and with it came with two years of speculation about what would happen next. Over two years we all placed our bets on Rey's parents, who Snoke is, what is Luke going to say, what will Luke do, etc. Remember that episodes 7, 8, and 9 are telling one story. When you can watch all three consecutively, your personal expectations will no longer be an issue and a lot of people's problems will become moot points. If you hold onto your initial hopes for the movie every time you watch it and let it ruin your view of it, well, that's not my problem. I will address this aspect as it becomes relevant further into my thesis.

2. Marketing If there's one thing you can count on to whet your appetite without spoiling anything, it's Disney's marketing department. In an age where all trailers are either too spoiler-heavy or just plain bad. Disney for the most part is batting 1000 in the marketing department. But with that there are some setbacks. With both TFA and TLJ we saw in the marketing an emphasis on things that were not important, the biggest example being Captain Phasma. The marketing also played into the fact that Star Wars fans love to speculate and intentionally stoked those flames. The Last Jedi's final trailer had all kinds of teases that got everyone talking. My grand point in bringing up these two issues that exist independently of the movie is that The Last Jedi is a two and a half hour movie and it should be watched as such. It is not 2.5 hours+ two years of guessing and it is certainly not 2.5 hours + the marketing leading up to it. As time passes, the marketing, all your speculating, and bad Snoke theories will become irrelevant, and you will be left with the movie.  The Last Jedi works a lot better without all that baggage.

Now this is not to say that your own expectations hurting your view of the movie is completely your fault. If all the time and marketing leading up to The Last Jedi didn't completely define your expectations, it certainly gave you all the tools needed to make them yourself. And if you fell into that net there is a fair share of blame to be spread around, but none of it goes on the movie itself. Rian Johnson made the best movie he could and the time and marketing have no place in between the opening crawl and the closing credits. So don't put them there. If you feel like you should, that's fine. I wholeheartedly disagree and I've made my case for doing so. Now into the actual movie itself...

3. Killing Snoke Snoke. Was. Not. Important. He never was, and The Force Awakens did not say he was. The only thing that was even remotely interesting about him was Andy Serkis' excellent performance, and the fact that we didn't know anything about him. He is treated exactly as Palpatine was treated in the original trilogy and no one seems to have a problem about that. Palpatine didn't even have a name in the original trilogy. He was introduced as a hologram in Empire, and killed off in a cartoony fashion in Jedi. Art is subjective, and if you want to hate that we didn't learn about Snoke that is your choice, but be consistent and hold the original trilogy to the same standard. Sure, the prequels explained how Sheev Palpatine came to power, but they also did not tell us why he is strong or where he came from. It is not The Last Jedi's fault that we latched onto Snoke's two or three scenes and blew them way out of proportion for two years. Not only was Snoke not supposed to matter to us, he never mattered to our heroes. I don't think Rey cares where he came from, how he knows the force, or why he's so strong, and to bring the movie to a screeching halt in order to explain it would have been the bad kind of fan service because there is no one in the movie who cares. If Luke had stopped to explain he might as well have just stared at the camera while he did it. Snoke was a plot device to further the character of Kylo Ren, who is this trilogy's real antagonist. The fact that he didn't feel like a plot device proves that he was a good one. If you care that much to know everything about Snoke, there will be plenty of supplementary material around the corner. But Episodes 7-9 are not Snoke's story, they are Rey and Ben Solo's. Speaking of which, let's look at the character of Ben Solo and why his murder of Snoke was, in my opinion, the absolute perfect choice. Ben's character arc in TFA and TLJ are pretty similar if not the same. He is learning to step out from the shadows of having legends for relatives and be his own person. We are lucky enough to get to watch our main villain actually become a villain throughout these movies. Kylo Ren is an immensely more interesting character than Snoke because we get to see him become who he is. Kylo Ren's character arc could not come to a satisfying end if he was always answering to a master trying to turn him into a new Vader. By killing Snoke, Kylo Ren removes all subserviances to other people's expectations of him and puts our villain on the top of the tower where he belongs, as well as eliminating the tired Master-Apprentice dynamic we've seen in 6 Star Wars movies already. Now we have an Episode 9 where the most complex villain of the entire series is now the sole and very unstable commander of the galaxy's greatest military force, and I believe that is the most compelling status quo to bring into our third act.

4. Too funny I can agree with that. I'm not going to defend every joke by saying that comedy has always been in Star Wars so you should just get over it. Personally I think there are a handful of jokes that, while they may be funny, I would rather not have in the movie. Luke throwing the lightsaber was a little too meta and made a gag out of an intense moment, Poe's prank call was good, but ran a little long, and I think BB-8 driving the walker would not be as bad as it is if it weren't followed by Finn and Rose doing a Statler and Waldorf impression in the midst of a destroyed ship. I think some of the jokes were badly timed and actually did halt the flow of the movie. Remember in Cloud City when our heroes were running for their lives from the Imperials and they stopped so that R2 can electrocute himself in a power socket? Same problem, it's not new. Other than the jokes I pointed out, I think all the comedy was well placed, funny, and not at all to the detriment of the movie. But comedy is so varied and subjective that I'm not going to sit here and type out why something was funny or not, you already know. Instead I'll ask you to think if you are letting one or two misplaced or unfunny jokes ruin all the comedy in the movie, or even the whole movie for you.

5. Rey's Parents Rey's biggest weakness is her parents. How satisfying would it be if the one thing she thought she needed was handed to her on a silver platter? I prefer my characters to have obtacles to overcome and internal struggles that they need to come to peace with. She tries to pass on her destiny to Luke, and when he refuses multiple times she tries to pass her destiny onto Kylo. She never wants to take the responsibility on herself. By telling her she comes from nowhere, that she's nobody, she is forced to accept who she is, and not where she comes from. In a Q&A online with Rian Johnson he says it best. He says that when Luke hears that Darth Vader is his father, it is the hardest thing he could possibly hear. That is one of the reasons it is so impactful. If it was easy for him to accept, it wouldn't be compelling. So why do we want to give Rey the easy way out? I think that when all a character's struggles are external: Man v. Man, Man v. Nature, etc. it can make for an interesting story, but not an interesting character, at least not one with depth. Rey's parents being nobody furthers the theme of Star Wars that heroes can come from nowhere, punctuated by Broom kid at the end. It also challenges our character's sense of who she is. This is also apparent in the cave sequence. Rey begs the cave to show her parents, and the cave responds with a subtle "It doesn't matter." And when we see her after the throne room sequence we see a new sense of purpose as she saves the Resistance from the TIE fighters on Crait. She is now no longer held back by her own past, and she becomes strong enough to lift the rocks to free them from the base. Our character's only get stronger by struggling. I cheer for that, and I'll be severely disappointed if they go back on it in Episode IX.

6. #NotMyLuke If you didn't like how they treated Luke Skywalker in this movie, I understand. No one wants to see their heroes broken and deconstructed. But saying that Luke wouldn't do that is not the most valid argument. The last time we saw Luke was 30 years ago, people change. You can be biased all you want, I am. But explaining your bias does not make it an objective truth. This whole article is my opinion and should be challenged and possibly debated, just like I'm doing to your opinion. It's subjective, there is no right or wrong. So let's jump into the pivotal moment first, Luke wouldn’t have tried to kill Kylo. In the flashback, Luke only had a moment of doubt, which is completely excusable in the Star Wars version of the Baby Hitler scenario. Luke saw the future, and saw Ben destroying everything he ever held dear. He instinctually thought that he could stop it, then immediately regretted it. In doing that, he pushed Ben over the edge. So could he be saved? Based on everything that everyone tells us in this movie, as well as the failed attempt at redemption by Han Solo, no. He is too far gone. Vader was a tragic villain who only listened to his own son. Ben is a psychopath who is not going to be convinced by Uncle Luke. Even Leia realizes this, and when Rey ignores Luke's advice she is wrong.That trumps any argument for Ben's soul to me. And Luke still doesn't try to kill him. If anything, that is IN character for him. Then he ran, Ben joined The First Order and Luke left to hide in his own shame and failure. He held himself to too high a standard because of his status as a legend, the same standard that we as fans are holding him to, by the way. So when it went south for him it hit him really hard. It broke him. As he learned about all the flaws in the Jedi teachings of old, he thought it was time for the Jedi Order to die, so he hid, cut himself off from The Force, and waited to die. It is heartbreaking, but above all it is human. It also gives us a reason for our favorite hero to learn one final lesson. Failure is the best teacher, and he uses that lesson to give him the strength to move forward and embrace who we all thought he was. That is so much more interesting than if we had another wise old master training a naive young student. To me, it would have been closer to a disservice to the character to make him this infallible wise old Jedi because then he can't be a significant part of the movie without forcing him into it. Not to mention Luke comes in at the end, and completely redeems himself. He becomes a legend and the hero you wanted. So what's the problem? It took him longer to get there than you wanted? That there were struggles along the way? That's what all stories are. If you didn't want that, then I think you wanted Luke Skywalker the plot device, or the deus ex machina, but not Luke Skywalker the character. I'm interested to talk about it though. His projection of himself across the galaxy may not have been your favorite way to show just how powerful Luke had become, but it does show it. It also showed it in a manner that was the best example for the Jedi teachings being for knowledge and defense, which was a fatal flaw for the original Jedi Order. Luke had a truly heroic moment from a place of pacifism, and instills a new sense of hope in the Rebels who are able to escape because of him. It overexerts his body and he dies. I loved it. I cannot imagine any kind of X-Wing battle, lightsaber fight, or other blaze of glory scenario that would have been more respectful and reverent to his character than in the movie. He dies echoing the beginning of his story, in front of a binary sunset, with The Force theme playing, alone, calm, and completely at peace. That's just me though.

7. Why Didn't Holdo Just Tell Poe the Plan Let me ask you a question. Why would Holdo tell Poe, an impulsive, hot headed liability of a soldier, the plan? Sure, Leia likes Poe, but Holdo doesn't have to. Holdo did not answer to Poe and saw no reason to let him or anyone else in on the plan. I've never been in the military, so if I'm wrong let me know, but I'm pretty sure you can't just confront your superior about their orders. Not to mention Holdo's plan was a gamble and playing it close to the chest was obviously the right answer. If the survival of the entire Resistance depends on sneaking away, you're going to make sure that information doesn't go anywhere that you aren't in complete control of. However, I think that argument falls apart whenever Poe takes over the ship. I've heard and made up plenty of arguments for why Holdo doesn't come clean during the mutiny, and while some of them are pretty convincing, I'm not sold on them. I feel like it's worth adding that when Poe takes over the Raddus, Holdo has no reason to think that not coming clean would lead to the destruction of 24 out of 30 transports (I counted). The fact that someone else found out about the plan led to that. Doesn’t that prove her right? Maybe Holdo knew that Leia was awake? These arguments are shaky at best and I know I'm reaching, so I'm gonna chalk this one up to a mark against the movie. If you've heard a convincing argument or think one of my aforementioned ones work for you, that is fine and it works for you. For me it's a plot hole, but certainly not the first one in the history of Star Wars. For example, why did our heroes wait a year before rescuing Han from Jabba's palace? They knew where he was. How did Luke complete his training without going back to Yoda? How did Boba Fett beat The Falcon to Cloud City? Insignificant plot holes are par for the course in Star Wars, therefore it cannot ruin only one of the movies to me.

8. Canto Bight Canto Bight is a little bit of a mess. I will admit that, from a plot standpoint, it has little bearing on the story. The whole sequence is basically a pickup mission. There is some lazy writing, with the convenience of finding a second codebreaker, some bad dialogue from Rose, (We get it, we need to find a Master Codebreaker with a red Plombloom, and get out of here. Stop saying it.) and the infamous parking ticket. Additionally, it is not set up very well in an odd sequence with Maz Kanata who, albeit entertaining, feels very much like a plot device. However, it is absolutely pivotal in Finn's character arc. At the beginning of the movie, Finn tries to run away with the beacon that Rey will follow in order to bring her to safety and stay out of the war. He cares about Rey. He has no attitude toward the war, he just wants out of it. In TFA, he lied his way to Starkiller base just to save Rey. His arc in TLJ is his journey from that person, into being an actual revolutionary and caring about The Resistance. This is an arc that is more subtle than it needs to be, at the fault of the movie. This is my mini-thesis statement for the whole Canto Bight sequence: The Canto Bight sequence cuts out effective character development for pleasing visuals. However, it is not devoid of all quality and depth. Instead of arguing for it, please allow me to instead recontextualize it in the hopes that you will enjoy it more on your next viewing, and then tell you the one change that I think would have made a big difference in the whole sequence. In order to learn that he does not want to stay outside of the war, he travels to a planet where the economy thrives on that very concept. When they first arrive, Finn loves it. It is only when he sees the kinds of people that its inhabitants really are, that he starts to see the first crack in the armor. This point is further expanded on in Benicio Del Toro's character who has the same attitude as Finn, and shares his most interesting scene with Finn on-board the ship on their way back to the fleet. They speak about staying out of the war, war profiteering, and how it is all just a business. This also has an effect on Finn, and he is still wrestling with himself at the time of Del Toro's betrayal. Seeing the kind of people that he was trying to join turns the tide, and he decides to align himself with the Resistance. He sees the evil of The First Order exercising itself on his friends in the fleet, and uses that anger as fuel to battle against them, even attempting to sacrifice himself for it. But He still has much to learn, as Rose makes apparent. I would have rewritten one aspect of this arc. I think Finn should have kept the beacon and taken it to Canto Bight. Then he should have tried to convince Rose to stay there, or at least let him. That would further cement his starting point in this movie. I would have loved to cut out the dumb chase scene for a better look at the inhabitants of Canto Bight and conversations about Finn's decision to desert. Then the next few scenes would be much better contextualized, and make the whole sequence more compelling.

9. Rose The love story was forced, but I think Finn realized that too. I'm going to withhold judgement until Episode IX on that. Other than that, Rose was a great character who helps to craft Finn's character. Rose teaches Finn that saving what you love is more important than fighting what you hate. I think that moment was badly written, but necessary. Rose loses her sister at the beginning of the movie, and it is almost to no avail. So we know from the start that Rose has a problem with the idea of martyrdom. She is about compassion and heroism, not anger and spite. She's a defensive character, shown by her role in The Resistance being not a soldier, but a mechanic. The one positive thing I will say about the fathier chase scene is at the end she puts emphasis on freeing the animals. While Finn is focused on destroying the city, Rose shows him what it is really about, and it sets up her saving him at the end quite nicely.

The last two sections were rife with my own bias and I recognize that. I am not making excuses for or invalidating what I see as legitimate problems with the movie. I am simply explaining why I can enjoy it anyway. If it doesn't work for you, no judgement here. Moving on!

10. Rey is too Strong That's the point, Rey is really strong and it scares the hell out of her. This one can't really be talked about without getting extra nerdy about it so here goes... They establish in this movie many times that The Force is a supernatural power that naturally balances itself out. If you look at the previous movies you will see that it is self-evident. When the Sith come out of hiding and make themselves known, the Chosen One is discovered on Tattooine. When The Empire takes control of the galaxy, Luke and Leia are born. When Luke starts a Jedi Academy, Ben Solo is seduced by Snoke. When The First Order strikes its first major blow against the New Republic, The Force AWAKENS in Rey. The Force is a power that is harnessed by training, but can also implement itself instinctually and automatically. Anakin's podracing skills, for example. When did Luke even get the idea that he could pull his lightsaber out of the snow with The Force? With little-to-no training how did he manage to blow up the Death Star without his targeting computer? How did he survive for even a second against the most feared figure in the galaxy with almost no lightsaber training? Rey fended for herself almost her whole life, she was definitely more capable than Luke was when his adventure started. She is so strong with The Force because Luke went into hiding and cut himself off from it, and there was nothing to balance out the growing evil in the galaxy. And I'm not making this up to win an argument. Snoke says "Darkness rises, and Light to meet it. I warned my apprentice that as he grew stronger his equal in the light would become apparent." that quote may not be verbatim, but my point still stands. Luke says it too, "powerful light, powerful darkness," You don't have to like it, that is up to you. It does make sense though, they told you repeatedly. And they not only explained it, but they explained it in a way that expands the lore of The Force, and fits in rather nicely with the rest of saga.

11. Leia The scene where General Leia saves herself in the vacuum of space is a place where we are going to be able to find some more common ground. I think it looks a little ridiculous and I can totally understand why that would ruin it for a large number of people. However, I am able to look past it fnd see it for all the amazing things that it is. First, it is a great character moment for Princess Leia who has the same, if not more potential than Luke. Secondly, it is an appropriate use of fan service and gave us something we've been wanting to see since we found out she is also strong with The Force. Lastly, to see Carrie Fisher's final performance have a moment where she uses The Force to save herself from certain death can only be good. For me, it is pitting all that against the fact that it looks weird, and I think it's no contest. If you disagree with me that is fine and I have no argument against it, save for the points I just made. For those of you arguing about the logistics of The Force and how she could do it without training, or how she can fly, or survive in space. The Force has precedent for being instinctual and in a life or death situation it can take the wheel to some extent. In a weightless enviroment it would not take very much ability to pull yourself through it. And Star Wars has always played fast and loose with space physics anyway. There is precedent in the prequels and OT of surviving in space for a limited amount of time. It is not some new sacrilege unique to The Last Jedi.

12. Phasma Not A lot to say on this one. I don't think the problem was that she was underused or misused as much as she was over-hyped(Refer to 2. Marketing). In the context of the films it's a non-issue to me. J.J introduced a lot of characters in The Force Awakens, and I am glad that Rian Johnson focused on the important ones. Imagine the pacing issues that would come with giving every new character a great moment, character arc, or badass death. At least Phasma got to kick Finn's ass before she died. Yes, she kicked Finn's ass. Finn got a lucky shot when she wasn't looking. Up until that it was a very one-sided fight. She did more than Boba Fett ever did and her death wasn't framed by an accident, a whiny scream, and a burp. There's only so much time in a movie and spreading it too thin would hurt every single storyline. She was misused in TFA though.

Conclusion Personally, after 6 viewings I can say that I put The Last Jedi behind Empire and maybe A New Hope. So it's 2nd or 3rd. There is nothing in this movie that is more offensive than Jar Jar Binks, Leia's sporadic British accent, Luke mourning his only family for about 5 minutes, Ewoks taking on the Imperial Army, either of the musical numbers in Jabba's Palace (The old one is way better, but I hate them both), whiny Anakin, whiny Luke, Luke's idiotic plan in Jabba's Palace, the nauseating writing of Anakin and Padme's love story, the cringeworthy shot of Luke swinging at air while Vader throws things at him in Empire, and I can go on. I have no problem saying that The Last Jedi is better than the messy Return of the Jedi, the awkward prequels, the overly familiar but still great Force Awakens, and the very messy Rogue One. I'm not trying to bash all of Star Wars to spite the haters, I'm trying to plead with them to realize that we as fans don't love Star Wars because they are technically perfect movies. They aren't. I can probably nitpick almost every single one to the same extent that I'm seeing The Last Jedi being torn apart in the garbage fire that is Youtube comment sections. We love them for the characters, the action, the fantasy, and so many more reasons. I don't have a problem with you if you didn't like the movie, but it does bother me greatly when I see people ignoring the problems in the movies they like and then all of a sudden not tolerating them in this one. If you want to compare The Last Jedi to other Star Wars movies, then compare it to to the actual Star Wars movies and not the perfect versions that you have in your head. There is no such thing as a perfect movie, and The Last Jedi doesn't break that streak. But it's not binary, just because Rian Johnson's Star Wars movie wasn't perfect doesn't make it an absolute atrocity. I think the characters, the stellar action sequences, some all-time great Star Wars moments, the overall story, the fact that it takes Star Wars someplace new, the multi-layered villain, the score, the cinematography, and the treatment of some of our favorite characters far outweigh any problems that I just expounded upon. And I think the same case applies to every Star Wars movie.

judeehopps replied to your post “If anyone else has seen The Last Jedi already and wants to discuss,...”

I’m curious about what you think. What did you think of it? I have mixed feelings...

Overall I enjoyed it a lot, but it did have a lot of issues. I think I liked The Force Awakens a lot more, so I’m glad that JJ Abrams will be directing Episode IX and not Rian Johnson, though obviously Abrams isn’t perfect. This film also continues Star Wars’ penchant for gorgeousness; so many scenes and shots were absolutely breathtaking in their beauty. This might be my favorite film when it comes to that.

Spoilers below the cut! (Also, fair warning! I have a lot of thoughts)

I wasn’t a fan of the limited interactions between our main trio, especially Finn and Rey -- whose relationship literally drives the narrative of this trilogy. Don’t get me wrong, that hug at the end literally made me squeal with joy it was so pure and sweet, but that is seriously all we got and like??? I DO ship Finnrey but I also just enjoy watching their friendship so this was a major downside.

Speaking of ships, I am VERY anti Rose/Finn. I feel like the kiss at the end of the film was incredibly forced and awkward, and came out of nowhere. They have okay chemistry, but I didn’t get a romantic vibe from them at all, so for her to swoop in with this huge romantic gesture and pull out the “I love you” before passing out was very out of place. I feel like they barely know each other, and Rose’s feelings are heavily impacted by her initial view of Finn as this Rebel Hero, and that her jump from awe to fury to love is just a natural progression of her fangirling, and not actual love. Not to mention the fact that Finn literally just froze when she kissed him, it wasn’t reciprocated at all. I hope that they have an adorable “WOW that was awkward” moment in the next film but that they remain friends only.

I really enjoyed Rey’s arc over the film. I think she is more powerful than we realize and I really hope we get to see that power as she trains to be an actual jedi (I’m sure we will). I also really enjoy her parallel’s to Luke in that she is insistent that Kylo can be turned and tries to sway him against her mentor’s wishes, that she is just SO GOOD inside (I, like others, was afraid they may try to tease her switching to the dark side, but I’m glad this film just reiterated how good she is), but I also love that where Luke succeeded, Rey did not. I think it would be very predictable and boring for Rey to “save” Kylo the way Luke “saved” Vader.

Branching off of that, the trailers had a lot of people spouting that whole, “ohhh this is just another copy cat/rehash of Empire, just like TFA was identical to ANH” (which is bullshit anyway, TFA had many homages to ANH but the story was different in a few key ways) crap that I am glad was destroyed immediately. All this chatter about the AT-ATs and the rebels trying to escape a base and Degobah and blah blah blah. None of it was founded, the film was actually VERY different from ESB. Which isn’t necessarily a good thing.... but I digress.

I am a tad miffed that Finn’s force sensitivity wasn’t touched on AT ALL. As far as I’m aware, someone has to be force sensitive to use a lightsaber and Finn used Luke’s at the end of TFA. I hope they touch back on that in Episode IX.

A big thing I am distressed about is the fact that one of the original trio is basically going to be killed off in each film. Han in TFA, now Luke in TLJ, and obviously Leia will need to be killed off in Episode IX... It’s really fucking depressing. Part of me hopes that they will write IX in a way that Leia doesn’t need to die but never appears on screen -- I feel like of the three, she would be the one to survive. It’s possible, narratively, but I doubt they’ll do that. Still.... Also, seeing as Luke became one with the force or whatever, I feel like he will train Rey from beyond, the same way Obiwan often advised him after his death. So maybe we’ll at least have that.

Upon further reflection, I feel like the Casino excursion was very misplaced and unneeded. It was hectic and rushed and urgent, the whole movie was, and I wasn’t a huge fan of that. Star Wars movies ebb and flow with their pace, usually taking place over a moderate amount of time, but obviously this film had a very short time span and I gotta say, I’m not digging it. I prefer the story building, character building pace of the other films.

Humor was out of place a lot of times. The other movies were funny, yes, but the humor in this one was much too....modern? Even in TFA the humor was more classic, in this film it was annoyingly snappy. I really hated the opening scene and its “joke” with Poe pretending he couldn’t hear Hux. Hux should be scary and looming and menacing but that scene just made a fool out of him, and for that to be the OPENING scene is just.... no. Turned me off immediately. Some of the humor was spot on, like Chewie being watched by the family/friends of the bird thing he was trying to eat. THAT was good. Even Rey knocking that giant piece of rock over the cliff and annihilating those aliens’ cart of stuff was good. But most of the other humor was off.

My favorite moment/shot, and I’m sure it’s a lot of people’s, was Holdo hyperspacing into Snoke’s ship. Everything about that was GLORIOUS. The quick burst shots of the lightning blue spikes cracking the ship, the DEAD SILENCE -- no music, no sound effects, nothing -- until the delayed noise of the explosion, I was AWED. The ENTIRE THEATRE gasped and then hushed in the same awed silence as myself. What an amazing idea and execution.

Other favorite shots, Kylo and Luke standing on opposite sides of the screen, waiting to battle -- the colors and composition were beautiful. Crap, there are more but I can’t remember them now.

Mother fucking LEIA ORGANA, using the force to survive being blown into space. SHE DID THAT, Y’ALL. Do you have any idea how powerful she has to be to do that kind of shit??? I seriously thought they were gonna kill her off.

Luke Skywalker being a sassy shit during his astral projection gave me so much life. I love him.

I’ve seen a lot of disparaging comments about Yoda showing up but I actually liked that bit. I think it was one of the times when the humor was on point, and they had to have used a puppet because he looked great.

After a lot of discussion with my ex, we came to the conclusion that Leia must have known Luke wasn’t really there at the old rebel base. Initially I thought it was a vision/wonder twin connection like Kylo and Rey were having (which..... wtf???? Why was that happening? Could it not?) but then everyone else saw him so.... still, I think Leia knew it wasn’t really him. I think that’s why she didn’t touch him/hug him -- because they are VERY huggy twins -- and why she left Han’s dice behind. I think she knew she wouldn’t see him again, which breaks my heart. Because how alone is Leia now? She lost the love of her life, she lost her son, she lost her brother. Ughhhh.

So yeah, this stupid “connection” between Rey and Kylo the film was trying to force on us just.... irked me. I have heard that R*ylos are fangirling over the movie, which boggles my mind because Rey literally hates his guts?? She was disgusted by his naked chest and demanded he clothe himself?? She literally tried to save him because she’s a good person, not because he’s ever done anything to deserve it or because there’s some kind of “love connection” there?? He fucking mind raped her, guys. He almost killed the first person to ever COME BACK FOR HER. (again, why did this movie focus on the Rey/Kylo shit when there is a goldmine with Rey/Finn??????) Oh he’s also a fucking pyscho murderous asshole who killed Rey’s friend and hero in cold blood.

Anyway.

Snoke as a villain: Disappointing. Boring. Anticlimactic. I pity that we didn’t get backstory on him, though I suppose we never got any for the Emperor until the prequels. Still.... Snoke was a very thin and half assed master villain. Shouldn’t there be waaaaaaaaay more lore about the Knights of Ren? Is that going to come into play in Episode IX, seeing as Kylo is now the Supreme Leader? Also, how the fuck am I supposed to take Kylo seriously as the next major villain when he continues to throw temper tantrums and be easily manipulated by outside forces?

On that note, did he choose to spare Leia because of that conflict inside of him, or did Leia force sense him and mind influence him to not shoot?? WE’LL NEVER KNOW.

Second to last point: Not enough Chewie.

Final point: I liked the examination of perspective. Luke’s story of what happened the night Kylo went crazy, Kylo’s story, and finally the truth. How we twist things to feel better/to get what we want. How every story is biased. I thought that was neat.

I lied, one last thing: I am on the fence but leaning towards hating Rey’s parents being “nobodys”. I think it’s an interesting choice but not one that lends anything to the narrative. I think the hype around her parentage was stoked just so they could say, “HAHA she actually isn’t anyone special, you were speculating for nothing!”. Speculating is fun. Bloodlines are fun. Let nerds discuss! A big part of me hopes that Kylo was lying to Rey to make her more upset and thus “more likely” to swing to the dark side. To encourage her fear that she really was abandoned for no reason. BUT it would also be unique to have her be so special despite coming from nothing.

Alright, I’m done. I may think of more but that’s it for now. My rating would probably be like.... 6.5/10. In the top 5 but not the top 4. Enjoyable and beautiful but nothing special and a let down in regards to story and character development.

ᴛ.ᴏ.ᴘ| ᴄᴀᴜsᴇ ꜰᴏʀ ᴠᴇɴᴅᴇᴛᴛᴀ|♤|

♫ Where’s my mind...             Maybe it’s in the gutter                              where I left my lover.       What an expensive fate...

AU: In which T.O.P is a painter, not a musician. ADULT THEMES.

Streams of red wine stained the floor, the liquid standing out like blood on a marble tile. The shattered specs of what was once a wine glass glittered in the spilled drink contrasting a calm hue in a sea of chaotic red. Seunghyun Choi stood before a tattered canvas. Brush stokes that had once composed your body were now gone, instead replaced with angry tears, courtesy of the pocket knife the painter always carried. There was no more sensuality, no more emotive colors to draw a sea of eyes into it–no more innocence.

He stood in stifled silence, uncaring that it had taken him ages to get the shade of your skin just right.

The chaos of thunderous thoughts that muddled his head could not fathom how things had gone so terribly wrong. He wondered in that moment if this could’ve been avoided had he told you how attracted he was to you. If he’d confessed how the days of pouring over your painting had caused him to love you, you wouldn’t be on the run.

You would’ve never known the feel of blood on your hands.

Seunghyun dropped the knife and reached into his pocket to pull out his cigarettes. He ignored the iron smell that clung to his attire and kept his gaze on the red-stained tips of his fingers. 

 Earlier that day:

You draped the sheet over your shoulder while suppressing a sigh. Tired eyes watched Seunghyun cautiously, unknowing of how to ask him for help. The favor plagued your mind every minute of the day. There was so much you wanted to say to him, so much you wanted to confess. Somewhere along the lines of this interesting friendship you’d fallen in love with him. And though you wanted to be with him—wanted to be the only muse he’d ever need, the desperation to run away from what plagued your senses seemed to will out.

“Come back to me.”

The soft pleading sounds of Seunghyun pulled you from your straining thoughts. You straightened up and the position caused the sheet to fall. Fear gripped your bones when you heard your friend inhale sharply. Instantly his calloused fingers were searing themselves over your forearm. The action only served to let the sheet fall further down, bunching to your waist to reveal your naked chest. Blotches of angry bruises stained your breasts and you flinched away from his burning gaze.

The sound of your name fell angrily and accusingly from his lips. You hated the way it sounded, like nails across a chalkboard. He pulled you up from your sitting position, and despite being angry, he never manhandled you, never tightened his grip or caused pain to bloom under his touch like he did.

“What the fuck is this? Why does your chest look like it just took a beating?”

Suppressing the whimper that threatened to bloom from your lips, you tugged away from him, wrapping the sheet around you with shaky haste. It wasn’t that Seunghyun seeing your bare-chested embarrassed you, on the contrary, out of all the other painters you modeled for, you felt the safest with him. But it was that dark look in his eyes that only served to shame you, as if what happened the night before really had been your fault.

“I—it was an accident, Seung. I was modeling for Ren and slipped on some paints. I tried breaking my fall but I ended up tumbling into the stool.”

The certainty in your voice surprised you. You’d even offered him a smile after speaking, hoping to tie any loose ends to the lie you’d just told. But looking back into his gaze, you realized just how idiotic it was attempting to convince yourself that you could really lie to him.

“He did this, didn’t he? I fucking knew it. I had my suspicions but I couldn’t accuse him of shit without the proof." Seunghyun cupped your face with gentle ease before he tilted your head up to meet his eyes.

“Don’t lie to me. Don’t you dare fucking lie.”

A choked sob left your lips and you felt angry at yourself for allowing the abuse to get so bad. Ren hadn’t always been like this. Early in your relationship he’d been so tender with you. And how could you know this would be your reality now? After all, if had been Seunghyun who’d introduced you to him.

“I’m taking you to your place so you can pack your shit. There’s no way in hell I’m allowing you to go back there alone.”

Fear flared in your eyes at his words. You pulled away from him and tugged the sheet tighter around your body before running a quivering hand through your locks of hair. The idea of not being able to go back home was unsettling. It was supposed to be your safe place, and large room where you could shed your soul and now you were expected to leave?

It wasn’t fair. Out of the two people occupying that space why would you be the one to leave? It’d been your flat before Ren had ever moved in.

“I’m not leaving my apartment, Seung. You can help me change the locks but I’m not going to leave—it’s not fair.”

“And what are you going to do when he breaks in? Look at yourself! He’ll end up killing you. Is that what you want?”

You glared at him, aware of how unreasonable you were being. But Seunghyun could never fathom just how important that place was to you and with a lift of your chin, eyes blazing with defiance, you knew that Seunghyun was losing this battle. 

You stood before the wooden door. The new lock that Seunghyun helped you install earlier glittered under the glint of your hall’s light. There was a small flicker of hope in your anatomy while looking at it. Seunghyun had left a little while ago, promising his swift return to you.

A crash coming from your bedroom stilled your movements. Panic seized your guts and before you could react you felt rough hands shove you into the door you’d earlier been guarding. With your nails digging into the worn floor you looked up to find Ren staring heatedly down at you.

“I should’ve fucking known you’d pull something like this.”

The sound of your name falling from his lips felt like acid to your ears. You wanted him to forget the feel of your skin under his fingertips. You wanted to banish yourself from his memory.

He zeroed in on you, taking hard steps until he crouched in front of you. Despite wanting to flinch away you glared at him and this action only caused him to grin.

“That fire in your look is what first drew me to you, baby. I’m going to enjoy watching it dwindle.” --

When Seunghyun opened the door with his own set of keys he instantly felt the sudden change in the air. Terror became prominent in his gut as he shut the door swiftly behind him, calling our your name with trepidation.

Choked sobs could be heard in your bedroom and with each step that brought him closer to the room, he felt his hope shatter. When he finally arrived at the threshold, the color drained from his face. The scene before him looked like Ruben’s Massacre of the Innocents, and you coward in the corner of the room, a lifeless body laying in a heap of tattered skin a few feet away from you.

Seunghyun called your name softly, knowing that if he were to use any sternness in his voice you would probably break. This was his fault. Had he simply told you how much he’d loved you upon meeting you for the first time in art school, Ren would have never turned you into this fragile glass of emotions.

“Look at me, sweetheart,” he whispered, eyes blazing wildly.

There was so much blood on you that he couldn’t tell if it was Ren’s or yours.

He breathed a sigh of relief when you looked up at him, shaking hand outstretched for him to take. And he did, without sparring any glances at the dead body he moved swiftly to pull you into his arms, his lips pressing frazzled kissing onto your ear as he whispered his apologies.

The painter could feel your fingers digging painfully into his back as if you were trying to burrow yourself into him. And in that terrifying moment he wanted nothing more, wanted nothing more than you sear you into his skin so th;at you would never have to know what pain was.

 Present Day

The unsure steps of your feet informed Seunghyun of your return. He flicked the cigarette into the torn canvas before turning to you. Now showered and free of any blood, he watched as your lips trembled, each step drawing you to him.

It seemed that his life had reached a crescendo, and though he always knew you would be the cause of it, not once did he fathom it would be in this form.

He took your hand, brushing his lips tenderly on the knuckles before he gazed up at you. “This doesn’t change how I feel about you. This doesn’t change anything.”

You nodded with trepidation, a shadow of a smile on your lips, and with that look he knew he wasn’t alone in this madness.

Night falls: losing myself in the dark

Sometime last year, a funny post listing the Myers Briggs personality types of characters in The Force Awakens made the rounds. I happily reblogged it, partly because it made me laugh, but mostly because I was tickled that the OP had labeled Kylo Ren as INFP, the same type as me.

Comments on the original post expressed doubt that Ben Solo could be this personality type, and of course, this is an analysis of a fictional character, so it’s silly at its base. Nevertheless, Star Wars has always presented a lens through which we can explore elements of our culture and ourselves, so I found it useful to think about.  

To me, the INFP assignment felt like it could be true; an introverted type, driven my deeply-held beliefs, with a tendency to go all in on causes which felt important. An ability to see multiple positions on an issue. Emotional, moral, poetic, impractical.

Without going too far into the weeds of personality tests and types, here’s a link to a test I took recently, and a link to the description of the INFP personality type.If you aren’t familiar with or interested in the Myers Briggs, you’ll probably want to scroll on, as this post is going to focus on politics and my own struggles to come to terms with the dark, using Ben Solo as my metaphor.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot in recent weeks, as the political environment grows darker here in the United States. Each day unleashes some new horror in our civic realm, and I feel myself getting lost in the gathering darkness. 

A little bit about myself: Most people who read my stuff know I’m old within the fandom (I’m 50). Here’s what I do for a living; for most of the past 25 years I’ve worked as a sculptor (in collaboration with my husband), creating artwork for pubic spaces. It’s an arts job that has taken us to diverse communities around the US where our process is to spend time listening to people to try to understand what makes their particular place special or important to them. We then create artwork which makes those values visible; inviting people to spend time together in their shared civic spaces, and hopefully, creating a more inclusive, beautiful, and lively environment in our towns and cities. Our work shows up in libraries, town squares, universities, transit stops, veterans homes, hospitals, parks, and other public spaces.

In my spare time, I’m part of our town plan commission, and president of the village merchant’s association. I lead rural arts activities, help out at our local museum, history festival and art fair, teach community education classes, and rescue stray and feral kittens. In short; I try to be a nice person, not an asshole.

To use a Star Wars analogy (which also works for me as a self-identified witch): I serve the light. I always have.

Until lately.

Aside: If you want to know more about me and the place where I live, here’s a link to an article in Politico in which me (and a bunch of my neighbors) are quoted at length. It was published on the day of the Inauguration. 

Here’s a picture of me, taken by the photojournalist who came out to document my little part of the world. It was a sunny morning, about 15 below zero F, and I am feeding my sheep:

  What does it feel like when a good heart goes bad?

I have lots of time to think while I’m caring for my flock of sheep and goats. and occasionally, insight strikes while I’m working at these mundane tasks. My whole Bloodline thesis? While flinging hay. The convictions that show up in my Jedi Killer essay? Hauling buckets of water to and fro. The explorations of the new saga as a possible meditation on universal themes of war and an exploration of moral injury? Those were late-night ruminations during lambing season last spring. 

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about the American political situation, and my response to it. I’ve been working on an essay about the ways in which Rogue One provides templates for contemporary resistance, but this other thing has been in the way, and I need to write about it first: the darkness. 

One of my friends, another handspinner who is also a therapist, was the one who told me to take a Myers Briggs test. When I told her I was INFP, she clapped her hands and said, “Ha! I thought so.” This was probably only a year ago, so it’s a new idea for me, but the category feels right. All those traits of an INFP personality - they feel familiar and true. Embracing the ‘label’ has helped me to better understand myself and the ways in which I prefer to engage with the world.

Which brings me back to Ben Solo. Kylo Ren.

In the weeks since the election, and in the days since the inauguration, I have felt myself falling to the dark side. As the process began, I thought about asking my friend, the therapist, 

“What does it look like when an INFP goes bad?” 

Then I realized I knew.

Kylo Ren is the template for a personality with a vivid moral code warped into violence. His is the pattern for strong emotion congealed into explosive rage burning, burning, burning, just beneath the surface; heavy, corrosive and hot in your chest. It is the outstretched hand twisting into the clenched fist. 

I know because I can feel it happening to me. 

In the Politico article, one of the local people interviewed by Michael Kruse said, 

“It’ll be turmoil for four years. [Trump]’s like a firecracker in a keg of dynamite.”

Why, then, I wondered, did he vote for him? He put down his brandy in a plastic cup and looked at me.“Why not?” he said flatly. “Let it blow.”

This, and the guy’s other hateful comments, are part of what’s stoking my rage; my fall. In the darkness, I disagree with everything he says, except for this:

Let it blow.

I voted for Clinton. I was never excited about her candidacy, but Trump represented then, and is demonstrating now, that he is a clear and present danger to democracy, and I voted against that. Now that the worst has come to pass, in a strange way I agree with the vile man in the article; I saw the threat Trump and his cabal represent and voted to maintain the status quo. My neighbors (some of them might have been my friends) chose a different path, and here we are.

So be it. Let it blow. 

And why not? The world is in trouble. If we are to build new ways of living, the old ones must pass away, yes? It feels as though the collapse is upon us; a self-induced crisis of epic proportions to which we must all respond. We’re invited to sweep the ground clean of everything that went before and start anew.

I know in my bones that these are dangerous times which demand the absolute best from all of us if people and institutions we care deeply about are to survive, and yet, every day I am failing. I am falling to the dark. I can feel it. and cannot find my way out. 

Hate, deception, and cruelty are the markers of the new regime, and it is so easy, so very easy, to meet hate with hate. 

Star Wars is helping me try to make sense of it. I spent much of the past year trying to understand the story of a fictional character, writing about the reasons he might have fallen - been seduced by the dark side, we like to say here in the GFFA - but I never really got it until now. 

Surrendering to the dark side is easy. When war is brought to your doorstep, it feels simple and correct to meet it with war. When the people around you display their ignorance and bigotry, how else should one meet it but with righteous fury?

I’m lost. I thought I was Jedi, but it turns out I’m Sith.

Or not. 

I’m struggling against this, the darkness. Even that is a revelation; the intensity of the struggle in my psyche, in my soul. It’s exhausting. I feel it as a heaviness in my chest, the hot buzz of too much blood in my veins. 

I am a shepherd, perhaps the most cliched pastoral and peaceful job a person can do, but these days I tend to my flock and fight fantasies of violence as I tear gobs of hay off the bales to carry to my gentle animals.  The steel tines of my pitchfork are polished with moving summer’s grass in winter, and they glitter in the guttering light of my headlamp.

I’m doing what I can; writing this helps, perhaps. Stepping out into the cold air of winter clears my head, if only temporarily. Marching helped. Speaking out and taking action helps. I’m talking to the wise ones in my circle; my friend Richard, a veteran activist who is headed back to Standing Rock this spring, and who seems to have cracked the code of non-violence. All the voices around me that feel less lost. I’m looking for the light. It’s there, I know it.

I’ve written so much about Ben Solo because I love him. He’s Han and Leia’s boy, after all. I’ve thought of him as though he were one of my own children, and the question of how to bring him out of the dark, how to get him home, has felt urgent for these reasons.  Now for the first time, I realize he’s me. 

Save Ben Solo

Hey everyone!!

This week showed us, not for the first time, that this country is going to hell in a hand basket. There is absolutely no reason that black people and people of color are still being murdered by police. We are saddened by the number of people that still don’t understand the Black Lives Matter movement. If your first instinct at hearing that black lives are just as important as white ones is to argue, you are the problem. We proudly stand with BLM and will continue to uplift the voices of black people in this country and across the globe.

On that note, this isn’t the first list of Black content creators that has ever been made (they’ve been circling the internet since the internet was born) but here are some of our faves:

Our very own P$, Parker, Chef Boyar P. The love of our lives. He is a co-founder of this blog, and his content is *chef’s kiss* superb if we do say so ourselves. Check out any of his reviews like this one or this one or this one

Bee, But Bookish

My Name is Marines

Bow ties and Books

BanualCosmos

OhSheReads

and entirely too many more HERE is a great tweet from Bee with a whole list of other black bloggers

Sam’s Update

Welp, this week was a heaping pile of shit.

What Sam Finished:

A Song Below Water by Bethany C. Morrow: It is not physically possible for me to scream loudly enough about this book. There are so many things I loved about it. It’s powerful. The characters are well rounded. The mystery is juicy. The message is undeniable. The magic is cool AF. And all while reminding us that teenagers have a fuck ton of shit to deal with and their anxiety is real and warranted. Even when you’re not a mermaid. Drunk review coming.

Well Met by Jen DeLuca: This was adorable. I haven’t read a fluffy romance in so long and I fucking deserved it. This is a hate to love at a Ren Faire. COME AT ME.

What Sam is Currently Reading:

We Hunt the Flame by Hafsah Faizal: Only barely started this audiobook but I have been excited to read this book since it came out and I was stoked to see my hold come through at the library. I also have a physical copy so we’ll see if I switch back and forth. What I can gather right now is that there’s a woman disguising herself as a man and this other guy is a death god. I really don’t need more.

Queen of the Conquered by Kacen Callender: I’ve had this book for ages but I hadn’t gotten around to it. Then a few things happened, Sam from Thoughts on Tomes review came out and she loved it. And then Kheryn was at Bookconline and I loved what they had to say. And then the world went to shit. The gods were saying “Sam, it’s time” This is an islander fantasy story where our main character, a woman of color serving as a sugar plantation owner. She can read minds. She has this master plan to take down the white man. So I’m in to that.

What Sam put down:

Forged in Fire and Stars by Andrea Roberson: I was pretty excited by the thought of blacksmith magic but I got about 125 pages in and nothing had happened. Ginny reminded me what happened when I read too many mediocre books (a massive slump) so I put it down.

Ship of Magic by Robin Hobb: I will get to this one day, but when you listen to the first 45 minutes of an audiobook that’s over 13 hours long and you can’t remember a thing about what happened… it’s not your time to read it. I’ll get there.

Ginny’s Update

Guys, I don’t have to do Jury Duty right now. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve done jury duty before and I’ll do it again, but there’s a lot going on right now, and, it’s just a relief. Got a lot done this week.

What Ginny Finished:

The Vicar’s Daughter by Josi S. Kilpack: This book was fine. Basic plot, girl falls in love with the guy she’s been writing letters to while pretending to be her sister, b/c the sister needs to be married before girl goes into society. The ending felt a little rushed but I actually really liked the way the sister grew from this book. I felt there were a few different easy outs, and this book didn’t take one of them.

Hex Vet: The Fly Surgery by Sam Davies: this graphic novel was super cute and easy to follow even though it was the second book in a series (and I didn’t read the first). The art was very stylized and a lot of fun, with a fairly cute magical world.

Lumberjanes: The Shape of Friendship by Many People: Again, this was quite cute. I enjoy the way the lumberjanes have a variety of friendships and relationships where everyone interacts with everyone in different ways. The story for this was also fun. I particularly enjoyed Jenn’s story line from all of the history I have with Lumberjanes

Before the Dawn by Beverly Jenkins: Support black authors!! Also Beverly Jenkins is a delight. Leah Barnett marries her mother’s boyfriend on his death bed because he wanted to take care of her. This means that his sons (that she didn’t know about) aren’t thrilled. And yet, chemistry… This book feels oddly timely (a major plotline is local lawyers refusing to take a case from a person “of the race.”) Race always greatly affects the way characters are treated in her books and this book is no different. Leah is a fun character and I kind of enjoyed her occasional pettiness and the thought of “He’s gonna feel really bad about this later for reasons he doesn’t know yet,” when someone’s being a dick.

Big Black: Stand at Attica by Frank “Big Black” Smith and Jared Reinmuth: This is another book where it was just the right time to read it, painful as it is. This book follows an event in a prison in the 1971 when the prisoners rioted due to inhumane conditions. “Big Black” was one of the prisoners who was fighting for some basic rights (rights that are frankly still being fought for today). The story felt a little disjointed and could be a little hard to follow, but the artwork was stark in a way that made the atrocities of the guards so much more poignant.

Hell on Wheels by Julie Ann Walker: I snagged this book at bookcon a bunch of years ago and boy was right now not the right time to read this book. The main characters are all ex-military with too much testosterone and the belief that just being a patriot is enough to make someone a good person. this book did come out in 2012, but I feel like even then the increasing militarization of our police force was an issue. Regardless kindergarten teacher (whose name I have forgotten) is in danger b/c of her dead brother and goes to dead brother’s bf, nicknamed Ghost (yes, it’s that kind of book, sigh) for protection.

What Ginny is Currently Reading:

Strange Exit by Parker Peevyhouse: Sam grabbed this for me at ALA but I think it came out in January… After a catastrophic war on Earth, a bunch of highschoolers were sent into space, but put in a simulation (and possibly cryogenic sleep) in order to… I don’t know, keep their minds healthy? the explanations of the simulation are fairly interesting and there are a few mysteries that seem like they’ll be interesting.

On Hold Again:

The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown: Yeah, another one of these so close to the last one. But hey, that’s how library holds tend to go. I’m liking this one a little better b/c this book deals with “how to live wholeheartedly” which  means accepting your faults and recognizing the good. That’s a little more my speed.

Minda’s Update

It’s definitely been a week. Black lives matter.

What Minda is reading now:

All Adults Here by Emma Straub – A reflection on parenting across three generations “and all the other things that follow us into adulthood, whether we like them to or not.” I’ve liked her books in the past—we’ll see if I’m in the mood for it right now.

What Minda finished:

Riot Baby by Toni Onyebuchi – Two siblings live the black American experience while wrestling with extraordinary power. A great read for the current climate, to say the least. Parker has an on-point review.

The Jewel Thief by Jeannie Mobley – After being accused of stealing King Louie XIV’s diamond, she only has one chance to convince him of her innocence and win back her true love. Really enjoyed this one

Until next time, we main forever drunkenly yours,

Sam, Ginny, and Minda

Weekly Wrap-Up: June 1 – 7, 2020 Hey everyone!! This week showed us, not for the first time, that this country is going to hell in a hand basket.

This will be long

So

Tonight was utter shit.

Where to begin

I don't even know.

I fucked up. I drank again. I'm drunk as I type this

It's so hard not to cry but I've gotten good at holding back. The most fucking pussy shit you'll ever hear a grown man say. Probably. I don't give a fuck though. I realize it. And I don't care. This is me.

So. I went to work. My buddy that always gets all the girls. Remember how I got that gorgeous girls number? And he was so stoked that he hyped me up? Well he showed me his tinder account. He already had hundreds of matches and a BUNCH that matches with him that he hadn't matched with yet. Imaine seeing his account with "100+" likes/matches awaiting and me with "3+" that aren't really there because it glitched out. And he showed me his profile. He looks so beautiful with short hair, wow. His profile is amazing. He's very like, alpha in personality, not that he's actually alpha, but he's not like me where I can joke and be gay with him, you know? He has that side of himself locked down. It's why I know why we can't be close. He's too closed off. Like, hell think shit is gay. I can't even tell him "bro you look hella good with short hair" without him being bothered. I mean, okay. But whatever. We still cool. But I was surprised how good looking he was with a buzzed head and he had some topless shots of him playing basketball, they were great. He has a great body. Girls are all over him. It's insane. Uh, he said his pics are two years old. He actually kinda looks like Napoleon Dynamite in person right now haha. He's like 8 years younger than me. But like. He does extremely well on tinder and seemingly in person, I've posted that before. About him. If he wasn't so self conscious about coming across as super alpha, straight and testosterone-full, he could put in a bit more effort in his appearance and become a really fuckin amazing looking dude. But I can't even tell him that. It sucks. I can't be open with him. He's a chill dude. I like the dude. He's like 22. He's had a great life. He's white, blue eyes, 6'5" and attractive. Like, duh, he's never had to deal with any negativity or rejection like I've had to. It's not his fault though. I'm not upset at that at all.

Alright on to the next part. That beautiful girl who's number I got? Well I texted her and she never responded. So much for all that hype that me and my buddy had. I didn't tell him though. I probably will. I feel so immensely ugly.

There was another girl I was texting but she fucking stopped talking after I stopped... But I told her I was out with friends. I mean, ffs, I only met her 2 days ago. But okay, whatever.

Where am I at

I'm.gonna cut it short

So I am at the bar. Drunk already. I sat by myself and this girl came in alone too, Brenda, I talked to her for a bit.. but I left her to talk to others. She was so offended that I left her. I'm sorry wow. Godamnit. I don't know. I was with my other buddy Ronnie, I bought us shots too. I love him. I told him about my musical ideas and he's so into it but goddamn he always shies away from it. So yeah also, I went up to Brenda at the end of the night and she totally wasn't happy to see me. She walked away. Kinda fucked up for her to be so offended..I mean I just met her that night godamn.

Okay so I told Ronnie, in DEPTH about my musical ideas, it took 2 seconds tho cause we listen to the same shit and he's a musician too. I basically told him about my idea of my chemical romance/taking back Sunday type choruses but still HEAVY and then it goes into OLD Slipknot type breakdowns. And he was so into it. I have a lot of musical ideas but I want to explore this very badly with other friends/musicians. He was like, really into it too.

I was more excited about that than any damn girl. I swear.

Okay so when I was with him, all these girls ran into him and are always flirty with him, he's very attractive. And I'd be like, dude who is that, and he's like "LOL I DON'T KNOW BRO" so it seems girls just flirt with him right away.

But it's okay. I love him. He invited me out tomorrow night to ren fair but I'm working unfortunately. I got to fuck around with that waitress I love and she was sweet to me asking how my night was. I was shocked that someone was caring towards me in person. Haven't had that in a long time.

Wow I'm drunk. I'm so sorry.

Okay when I was with Ronnie, there was this group of gorgeous girls who were with these two douche bags, they were like, attractive, but not in a way I like, but I can see the appeal. I totally judged them. I'm sorry. Lol.

But they had these gorgeous girls with them.

So I was outside with Ronnie. And I saw Sherwood, you know, the super intelligent dude who thinks I'm a misogynistic piece of shit. It sucks. Because I love him. I actually hugged him like crazy. And he joked how I'm boney so it doesn't work. And I joked back, is it better if I under hug you, under your titty? (He's a big guy lol) and it was funny. He was actually talking to THAT hot girl that was alone with that douche bag guy I mentioned. She actually say with us. And told us that that douchebag guy left her to go get drugs with these other girls he was trying to fuck all night. And she said he brought her out this night and he's been trying to fuck her for so long. She was upset. She was drunkish. And it was fun talking to her. I helped her out. So did Sherwood and I can't remember the other guys name, I'ma call him D. And we kept talking. It was great. I even told Sherwood how this is how one of my bad dates went down. And that dbag finally came back and got her and said "hey are you ready?" And she actually went with him. She shouldn't have. He left her man. He's such a douche. That poor girl was alone for so long. That she sat alone. And she joined us of her own accord. I bonded with her quite a bit. Yeah she's super attractive. Well, after the dbag took her away, D and Sherwood were joking like "yeah that guy probably wasn't happy that she went to go sit with a 40 year old, a fat guy and a guy with zero self esteem" I mean it's fucking funny. Sherwood said that. So 40 year old was D, the fat guy was Sherwood referring to himself, and the guy with zero self esteem was directed at me. But I was like, I mean my self-esteem IS Shit but I have a lot of confidence. But D and Sherwood shot that down saying how you can't have both, and said it's false confidence, and said that I have an "image" which I found offensive. And Sherwood said that my family treats women like shit and apparently I do too. I was so upset and angry about that. He based it off ONE date I had with a girl WHO LEFT ME FOR ANOTHER GUY THAT HIT ON HER WHILE WE WERE ON A DATE. Apparently I'm the bad guy. I never fully even told him the story. But apparently I'm misogynistic. According to him and Ruth who think I'm a piece of shit, misogynistic crap face. I'm totally not. They misunderstood me entirely. If they only knew me. If they did. Honestly. They have this wrong idea of me and judge me for it and it's hard to fight them against it. They are these highly intelligent people who think they can't be wrong.

It's frustrating.

Alright. So at the end of the night

I saw Brenda again and she was talking to 4 other ppl. She felt weird with me saying hey to her again. I met the dude she was with and I was like bro, I've met you before and he said we haven't. I was like oh.... Okay. But apparently he knows of me. I stick out. I met another dude. And he said he's seen me here often. I've never seen him before. We were talking about video games before he mentioned that. Ya.

He was cool.

So anyway, I met these 3 people, Morgan, she's cute, Kim, she's cute and TANNER THIS DOUCHEBAG. and so, Morgan and Kim are girls and Morgan was telling Kim "omg that guy, wow he's SO HOT" and kim was like "what do you expect at a BAR" and Morgan kept saying she just turned 21 and she just came to this bar. She was astonished, amazed at how many hot guys are at bars. She kept saying how it's her first time. She was SO CUTE WOW. she looked at me and said "I like your chain" I have a chain on my jeans. I said "omg thank you for real" and she said "I love your nails" and I said lmao they got FUCKED at work. (I paint my middle finger and thumbs with black matte nail polish every now and then) and she was so into it. So, they were with TANNER. This white, fucking older douchebag, totally looked like a racist republican asshole piece of shit. And his attitude was like that. I mean, he was just so shitty. So maybe he got mad I was talking to Morgan and Kim. We shook hands and introduced each other. And he referred to me as "sup painted nails" and Morgan was like "wtf don't be mean" and he said "no I wasn't being mean" and his judgemental ass tried to get out of it. He was trying to teach Kim how to be mean. He said "tell this guy to shut up" and he was saying how gay guys SOMETHING something and I said "I like how you're fucking pointing at me while saying gay guys" and he's like, being a dick about it. I told him "well, I'm not gay, but I'm not totally straight." And he said "stay away from me" and I can't remember what I said but he wasn't clever at all and I kept stumping his dumb fucking ass, because I ACTUALLY AM clever as fuck. And the girls loved it. Here's where it got irritating. He was saying to Kim how you have to protect yourself from creeps. And I was saying I think she's strong enough to say no to creeps. And he said to me "I think girls think I'm creepy, I think it's my brassness and my voice" and I was nice to him. I said "nah man, you're good, I don't think that" and he was just so shitty back to me. And the girls were still there. And I said I come across scary too. And he said "yeah it's because of your hair. But if you shaved your head, you still have a... A gaunt face" and that hurt me a bit because I totally realize I'm skinny af now and not as cute as I used to be when I weighed more ( lost weight when I got dealthy ill, seriously). And then I was just being my ol cute self and I said "okay, but I'm still adorable" and the girls were like "you REALLY ARE" and Tanner said "I don't THINK you're adorable" and he was being so rude and saying I was ugly. I was like, wtf.

We were talking about Kim being careful of creeps. But as that whole conversation ended he slithered his way into telling Kim he lives at this place. And she is really too nice and said "um.. do you need a ride?" And he said yes. And I hope he didn't fucking take advantage of her. I feel so gross that I let her take him home. Do you know what he said as he left? He was like "next time, do as I say, pink, pink next time" and I said something like "I'm sorry, I dont listen to bitches telling me what to do" or something. I wasn't scared of him, I was ready to fucking destroy him. I'm a bit crazy. Don't ever forget I'm a grown ass MAN with crazy testosterone and I'm JUST as stupid as most guys when it comes to stupid fights like that. Remember how he was telling Kim to tell me to shut up? Well, he said something rude and something something and I told him "shut up" and he's like "what did you just tell me?" And I said in his face "shut up" and he kinda had no real come back. Fucking bitch. I'd destroy him. I'm stronger than I look. I kind of wanted to fight. I feel so much animosity in me. Especially for pieces of shit like him. Sherwood and D are not rude like that, I still consider them acquaintances. But tanner? Nigga I will kill you mother fucker, I'm fucking old as fuck, I don't take shit from pieces of shit I don't fucking respect. Pink nails? Bitch you're fucking jealous that the girls you're trying to get with like me more than you or SOMETHING. and trust me, I know how that feels but I'm not a fucking bitch about it.

I mean I wasn't hiding anything, I was in his face too. You can't really fuck with me.

Okay.

This is long.

I'll post the second half tomorrow or something

I have work tomorrow too. All the girls stopped talking to me. I don't know why. I didn't do anything wrong. I went out with my friends like, what the fuck? Also I got Morgan's Snapchat too. She's so cute. Lol she just turned 21 and she's so excited about bars and hot guys. Hahaha. I think she's very attractive.

OH! that girl with those douchebags. The hot girl that came to us, me, D and Sherwood? Yeah she randomly came up to me at the end of the night and hugged me so hard and said "thank you for watching out for me" and I got her instagram. She's so gorgeous lol. I can't believe she told us that that dbag has been trying to get with her for so long and ditched her like that. Sigh. She shouldn't have went back to him when he came back.

I'm still upset too, about Sherwood saying I have an "image." Cause it makes no sense. He was roasting me about how my top doesn't do anything and my tank top doesn't do anything. I'm like dude, this is my style, it comes form what I think is aesthetic and a lot with the music I listen to. I dress with what I like because it's what appeals to me. I mean how many guys fucking wear nail polish? For fucks sake, image? What image do you think I'm trying to present? Get the fuck out of here with that. It's so ridiculous. I'm way more confident than you could realize. And it makes no sense but it's just true. My self esteem sucks but I'm just real with what I see. I don't like it, I don't like parts of me. But I'm still confident. I don't see how why that's hard to believe? I'm just real with myself, if I don't like parts of myself I'm just like, yeah those parts suck ASS, BUT I'm still adorable, so what the fuck ever.

I hate that they are bringing me down by saying I can't be confident. It's really enraging. I'll have to have a talk with them.

It won't work cause they are so full of themselves. They say my insecurity comes across too. And I'm like, that's bullshit. I've only been deeply open with Sherwood, D, and Ruth when my HEART was broken after a break up. And instead of being supportive friends they judged me for it and misunderstood a date I had with a girl. Meanwhile Ruth bitches about her bad dates and shit. I mean Ruth cheated on her GF for fucks sake. How are you judging me

It's bizarre

It's bullshit

It makes me so angry

Birthday Month!

Hello Kung Fu Cadets! It seems that once a month is about the appropriate amount of time I have to present you new sets but that also means we have a record 15 new sets! I’m gonna try to blow through these pretty quick.

When last I left you my friend Sina was back in town from Germany. Well we got a chance to shoot a second set during her time here and it’s a pretty fun one. Sina and I headed to horse country to stop by a favorite of mine: The Norco Powerhouse. The Powerhouse is a pretty fun little abandoned spot I’ve been to several times that lies at the back of a few farms on a horse trail. While we were there we encountered a guy walking this beautiful horse and even got a few photos with the majestic creature.

Some of you might remember my friend Steven Burhoe. Steven has popped up a couple times on the site whether it be with his band Drunkard’s Remorse or as part of the crew when Balloonski, Nova and I collabed. Well Mr. Burhoe is back for our first ever body paint collab. Actually this post will have two such shoots. The first one involved my good friend May. May and I had plans to shoot when Steven hit me up to see what I was up to. I suggested we all make some stuff together down in Long Beach where he lives and it turned out to be one of my all-time favorite shoots. Steven made May up to be this crazy wild creature and we even through this beautiful skull mask he had made. Steven is a graduate of Tom Savini’s makeup/effects school as well as a filmmaker. It was such a delight working with my friends on this shoot and we killed it.

Sarah Seraine is back! Sarah picked up a new job where I schedules haven’t quite lined up much so outside of a mini-shoot we did in Burbank we really haven’t shot together this year until now! Sarah and I found a Sunday to head back to the place we first shot together, the Nike Missile site in Chatsworth. Sarah painted herself up a bit and we had a chill, fun, low key shoot. We stopped a few tributes to the recently deceased Nipsey Hussle and which point Sarah told me her boyfriend was friends with him. So it was cool we got to pay a little tribute to someone she was connected with.

As I mentioned before, Steven Burhoe and i did two body paint collabs in this post and here is the second. Steven was stoked after the first shoot that he wanted to jump in to another. I remembered that Tori Behave lives about 10 minutes away from him down in Long Beach so we made some plans. During the shoot we ran in to some scheduling conflicts and miscommunication so the set is kind of short but hopefully you’ll still like it.

Normally I prefer to shoot a lot of different spots with people, but lately I’ve really been enjoying getting together with Lady Krondor and shooting in and around her apartment. Each time we bring something a little different and it helps that she has her studio set up in her place. This time we were a little all over the place with a flamethrower, some kinky stuff, marijuana, and her new puppy Stubbs. Hopefully soon Lady K and I will get back in to the outside world, but I think this set is a lot of fun.

First new model of the post (and first of four overall! It is my great pleasure to introduce Ms. Petra Blair. Petra and I wound up just missing each other at my friend Little Lotus’ all girl art & music event a few months ago where Petra was performing. I wound up messaging her on Instagram suggesting we shoot together as i (correctly) thought our vibes lined up perfectly. I took Petra to my regular haunt, Switzer Falls where we had a killer shoot and amazing conversations. I’d love to do a podcast with her sometime. Petra is a yoga practioner, kinkster, adult actress, musician, and overall amazing human being. We had a great time and she even wound up coming to my birthday party a week or two later. We will be shooting together again sometime next month but for now please check out this killer first set.

I love a good return. Being friends or creative partners with people in LA can be tough because there are so many people, so many projects, etc. and sometimes a while just got goes by. When you shoot together again it can be something old and something new all wrapped up in to one. That was my feeling during my second shoot with Summer Voelker. Summer and I first shot together years ago and it just took us a while to come around again, but this shoot was just so lovely. We headed down to another favorite of mine: Angel’s Gate Bunkers. Summer caught me up with her new venture Club Sleep doing ASMR and all sorts of other artistic endeavors she’s been getting in to. We had a really fun shoot with plenty of sexy looks. Even though this was our first time in a while, it certainly won’t be our last so stay tuned!

So May is my birthday month. I’m not usually one that celebrates all month but the way May has laid out it’s just turning out that way. To really kick off the festivities I decided to hit up The Renaissance Pleasure Faire the day before my birthday (May 6) to shoot with my close close homegirl muse The Spritely One. And surprise motherfuckers, Steven Burhoe joined us to shoot a behind-the-scenes video that will be released at a later date. Sprite actually works at The Ren Faire as a maiden hair braider named Dilly. Much like The Spritely One, Dilly knows fucking everyone so we really got to have quite the immersive experience. We took lots of fun photos and Mr. Burhoe even took some photos of me with a giant turkey leg as well as a few with my homegirl. Sprite introduced me to a few models I’m already talking to about shooting with. This was one of my favorite birthday celebrations with two of my favorite people.

The birthday celebrations continue with another new Muse: Xtine Reckless. Xtine and I met on a social media but really is one of those people that we just know a bunch of people in common. Xtine is a musician with her own band called Xtine & The Reckless Hearts but previous to that was playing with Barbed Wire Dolls and happens to know my friend/Muses Cindy Clark and Alicia Vigil from playing shows together. We really shot together like old friends and got along famously. I wanted to take Xtine to Switzer Falls but it started raining up in the mountains so we headed south towards downtown and did a run-and-gun pick some spots type shoot. I think it wound up working out better because we hit up this Rick and Morty street art wall I’ve been wanting to photograph (and Xtine also love Rick and Morty) as well as finding this really cool spot by some train tracks. The grungey, gritty downtown and her looks really gelled well and we will definitely be shooting more in the future.

Up next is another return (though not gone as long as Summer) with Kooki Munsta. I hadn’t seen Kooki in probably close to a year so it was lovely to get back together for a new shoot. Her fire was looking fire thanks to Hairgod Zito. The two of us headed to Vasquez Rocks for my first daytime shoot there in quite a while. Of course Vasquez is best known as the home to many sci-fi shoots that need to take place on other planets including a famous fight scene between Kirk and Spock on the original Star Trek. I though this was appropriate given how dorky Kooki and I both are. We talked all things Marvel and Game of Thrones almost the whole time. We had a really fun little shoot and Kooki took me out to Korean BBQ for my birthday after.

Up next starts a four set adventure to The Bay! To celebrate my birthday I really wanted to head on a roadtrip as I love roadtrips. I hadn’t been to The Bay in a few years and so I made plans to do my first ever shoot with Gypsy Danger. I first became aware of Gypsy Danger through Nia Doe (another girl I’ve been wanting to shoot for a while but she just moved to Portland). It turned out Gypsy and I were both friends with Brittny Nicole aka Cosmic Daughter. She generously offered to let me come crash with her and her boyfriend Jake for a couple nights. I headed up to Campbell, CA (just outside of San Jose) on a Sunday and we shot together Monday morning. Gypsy Danger is an amazing Muse. We had such instant chemistry together that it’s like we had been shooting for years. She took me to Fort Funston, just south of San Francisco. We walked down to the beach where we found this really cool abandoned, graffitied structure and played around there. We knocked out a killer set in pretty quick time before she had to head to work. This was the first set, but the adventure only continued on.

After Gypsy and I shot, she dropped me off at The SF train station where I would take the train to 22nd street and wander around SF for the day. I realized from a photo stand point that I either don’t wander enough lately or don’t shoot many sets without a specific Muse. This isn’t the first time I’ve shot a set like this but I think you’ll start seeing more of my solo adventures in the future for those that love my work outside of the Muse sets. I would love some feedback if you love this set and want to see more. I wound up walking 11 miles around from the train on 22nd through The Mission and up Folsom. I could have wandered more but my feet were killing me towards the end and I had to meet Gypsy Danger at the station to head back to Campbell. That night I wound up getting a little loose with Gypsy and Jake at which point Jake slept walk and curled up with me on the couch until I woke him up (this couch was not big enough for the both of us). It was pretty funny. The next day I headed to Oakland for my next shoot but also to catch some killer street art pieces to round out this solo set. My favorite was easily a Vogue piece I had no idea about until I saw. This set wound up mostly being street art but some other goodies in there too. I’m sure as I evolve this concept of my personal journeys everything will evolve.

After my street art Oakland explorations I met up with my 4th new Muse and second in The Bay: Succubaby. Succubaby and I have been following each other on social media now for over a year so when I made plans to head to The Bay I made sure to hit her up about doing a shoot. I wasn’t sure fully what to expect but I have to say we had one of my all-time favorite shoots (as was the one with Gypsy Danger). Succubaby took me to some of the coolest abandoned spots in and around Oakland including a skate park and we just had such a fun a shoot. Succubaby is an 18 year old subby, kinky, adult performer with a huge future ahead of her and a good head on her shoulders. I often refrain from younger models but this girl was seriously the Bee’s Knees. Succubaby and Gypsy Danger were both so cool that the next time I head to The Bay we are all going to shoot together. After our shoot Succubaby took me to the cutest cafe for coffee/hot chocolate and pastries. This girl is awesome and I think you’ll love the set.

And my fourth and final Bay Area shoot was a totally unexpected one. After leaving Succubaby in Oakland I started making my way back to Los Angeles. About an hour outside of Oakland, in a little town called Tracy I spotted some graffiti just off the highway. I quickly looked on my map and saw something called the “Altamont Raceway”. I pulled off as quickly as I could to explore and realized I had stumbled on an abandoned Nascar Raceway. This place was one of the coolest abandoned spots I’ve ever been to and I spent close to an hour photographing it as quickly as I could since the sunset had already started and I still had close to five hours of driving left that would get me home very late. Of course I love abandoned places so I took my time to soak it in and got some amazing shots despite my feet killing me and being near pass out level exhaustion from my adventures. I was glad to fit in another solo adventure that also reminded me to photograph more abandoned spots by myself as I shot it completely different than I I would if I had a model with me (though hopefully I can bring a model here soon).

Last but not least, it wouldn’t be a complete post lately if I didn’t include a little Miss Chaos. The day after I got back from The Bay, Miss Chaos invited me to hang out with her and fellow Domme Mistress Katarina for a night of dancing. We shot a mini set beforehand around Melrose including stopping by the wheatpaste of my homegirl Muse Stephanie Monty aka Monty Monster Slayer. There are plenty of amazing shoots coming up in the next few weeks including adventures in Miami, FL so stay tuned to my social media and enjoy!

Middle of the Quest

It’s been about two weeks since I’ve been back in Florida. It’s warm. I dislike the warm.  My family is getting ready to board a cruise ship to celebrate my little brother’s wedding, and I’m pretty much stoked. Being a Disney Cruise, there’s a private island for only our ships, and I plan on pulling out the Go Pro for some swimming. Not to mention some other photo/filming opportunities. I’m hoping to bring videos to HwithK at some point, so this will be a good start.  Tomorrow though, I’ll be checking out something I’ve never been to, ever. The Florida State Fair! Yes, life long Floridian, and I have never been. There’s always been another festival happening when it shows up! Well, not this time! I’m going to bring a camera, see how it goes, as sort of a warm up.  Sadly, until I get back to Missouri, I don’t think I’ll be able to put any of these lovely images up. Mostly time constraints. As soon as we get back to the Mainland, we get ready for the first weekend of the Bay Area Ren Fest (affectionally known as BARF). 

It’s been fun in Florida, but I miss my beloved K, and I only wish that he could come with me on this cruise. Lack of green card and permanent residence status restricts all his travel. Soon, that will change. Hopefully.