#jaune arc
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Jaune: Hey, Blake.
Blake: Yeah?
Jaune: So I kind of lost a bet and... meow.
Blake: ...I agree.
Jaune: Agree with what?
Blake: To marry you.
Jaune: WHAT!?
Blake: Does next week work for you?
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So big fan of your “how to get your man” storyline but I got to know. Who is this mystery woman jaune is promised to?
Thank you, and I hope you're ready.
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How To Get Your Man 9
Previously…
Mama Arc: *serious* Sorry, but you can't marry my son.
Yang: *Confuse* Why can't I marry him?!
Mama Arc: Because he is already engaged to another girl.
Yang/Jaune: *Shock* HUH?! WITH WHO?!
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Outside the Arc's residency
Ruby: Can we get inside? My feet hurt.
Jaune: Just a moment Ruby.
Ruby: Ugh! *She whines*
Jaune: Mom, since when was I engaged? Nobody told me anything about this?!
Mama Arc: Don't you remember what your grandfather told you? If you don't get a fiancée by your 18th birthday, he would find you one. And since you never got one…
Yang: Wait what?
Jaune: I didn't think he was being serious!
Mama Arc: When he hasn't been?
Yang: I could have been his fiancée before his birthday?!
Jaune: Still, are you going to let me marry a stranger?!
Yang: I COULD HAVE BEEN HIS FIANCÉE BEFORE HIS BIRTHDAY?!
Jaune: Ok Yang, I need you to calm down. I'm trying to convince my mom not to make me marry a stranger!
Yang:...Sorry
Jaune: Thank you. *ahem* So mom, about this stranger.
Mama Arc: Oh Honey, she is not a strange. You already know her.
Jaune/Yang: I do?/He does?!
Weiss: *Excited* This is much better than a soap opera.
Blake: *Excited as well* Absolutely.
Mama Arc: She is…
The Arc's residency, Living room
Melanie: *Smiling and wearing a white dress* Hello, my name is Melanie Malachite, I'm Jaune's fiancee. Nice to see you again, Jaune.
Lil' Miss Malachite: What a handsome young man. You've grown a lot, Jaune.
Miltia: *On her phone* Sup.
Mama Arc: After you told me you were going to visit me. Invite the Malachite family so they can see you. Aren't you happy to finally see your childhood friends?
Jaune is shocked while Yang, well, I don't know the exact words to express her feelings right now.
Outside in the garden
Yang: *Screaming Angrily while her hair is heating like the sun itself* AAAAAAH!!
Weiss: *Looking at yang* Wow, so her enemy took her man….
Blake: *Also looking* Yep...
Weiss: Is it wrong for me to say that this plot is really good?
Blake: Honestly, I was thinking the same thing.
Weiss: *Surprise* Really?
Yang: AAAAAAAAAAH!!!!
Weiss: Are we bad friends?
Blake: No... ok, maybe a little.
Yang: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!! *Burning the grass with the heat of her hair*
Weiss: Ok, we have to calm her down.
Blake: How?
Ruby: Leave it to me!
She says while she is dress as a firefighter and has a fire extinguisher in her hand.
#How To Get Your Man Au#jaune arc#jaune#rwby jaune arc#rwby jaune#yang xiao long#yang#rwby yang#rwby yang xiao long#weiss schnee#blake belladonna#ruby rose#melanie malachite#miltia malachite#Lil' Miss Malachite#rwby#rwby shitpost
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Jaune concept art
He has freckles
I’m a fucking visionary, when will I stop winning
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Garnet: Daaaaad, why can't I date, Pyrrah Valkyrie?
Jaune: Okay, this is you. *places a pretzle on the table*
Garnet: O-okay?
Jaune: And this is Pyrrah. *smashes the prezle repeatedly with a hammer*
Garnet:
Garnet: That's actually kinda hot.
Jaune: NOOOOOOOO!
#Rwby lancaster#rwby lancaster#jaune arc#rwby#lancaster rwby#lancaster#rwby shitpost#jaune x ruby#ruby x jaune#rwbabies#nora valkyrie#renora
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That Backfired, Sorta?
Salem standing over a bruised, and beaten, Jaune Arc bound to a chair. Preparing to interrogate him for information on the, Relic of Destruction.
Salem: I do find torture quite ineffective as a means of extracting information. So I choose to use more refined methods of information.
Jaune: Like… Grimm mind bugs that dig into my brain to get information?!
Salem: No.
Jaune: Oh that gods…
Salem: The shock from the bug going in kills them before anything can be extracted.
Jaune: Eh?!
Salem: Besides I have a far more effective means of getting information.
Jaune: Like what?
Salem: I can read minds.
Jaune: You can?!
Salem: I can.
Jaune: If you can do that, why did you beat, Oscar to a pulp instead of doing that?
Salem: Ozma.
Jaune: …
Jaune: Fuck that’s a good reason… B-But, you shouldn’t read my mind!
Salem: And, why shouldn’t I do that?
Jaune: You just shouldn’t. You really shouldn’t do that!
Salem: Oh~? Afraid I’ll find what I’m looking for if I do?
Jaune: I prefer if you did honestly…
Salem: Alright then. Let’ssee where your little friends have hidden my Relics!
Salem stared at, Jaune in the eyes, as a pearlescent screen covered her eyes as she stared into the depths of, Jaune’s.
Salem: “Now then, lets see what you’re trying to hide~!”
Jaune: P-Please … Stop!
Jaune could hear her voice in his head, he yelled in fear as she opened a door leading to that secret he was trying to keep away from her.
She smiled as she forced her way through the door, and as she entered the room in his mind her smile swiftly fell.
Salem: “W-What is this?”
Salem: “ … “
Salem: “Wait… i-i-is he kissing me?!”
Salem: “Why is he taking his shirt off?!”
Salem: “Ohh~! D-Did he just grab my b…?”
Salem: “Why is he taking his pants… Oh…? Oh my~!”
Jaune: What’s going on?!
Salem: “Really? Do you think you can so easily bed a, Queen with just that”
Jaune: B-Bed?
Salem: “Mmm~! So forceful~!”
Jaune: Get out of my head!
Salem: “What is this position?”
Jaune: The fuck are you talking about?!!
Salem: “You are so, so much bigger than, Ozma~!”
Jaune: Uhh…? Context?
Salem: “Inside? But, what if…? No… that’s precisely what you want, isn’t it?”
Jaune: What is it that I want?
Salem: “Oh you naughty boy~! Oh, what’s this? Aww… it’s over already?”
Jaune: What’s over already? Ahh?! What the hell are you looking at?!
Salem: “Oh? What’s this…?”
Jaune: What now?!
Salem: “My hand…? Is that… is that a ring? And, wait… my belly…”
Jaune: A ring, belly? Whaaaa?
Salem; “A boy…?”
Jaune: Eh?
Salem: “I never had a boy before…”
Jaune:Okayyyyy…?
Salem: “Oh, what’s this? Your mother’s record?”
Jaune: What record…?
Salem: “I could beat that, easily~!”
Jaune: What?!
Salem: “Wait? W-Where’s my baby boy?! Where’s my child?! And, whose hand is this?! Wait… This is… this is your hand…”
Jaune: My hand?
Salem: “Why is it all so wrinkly? Wait, no! Nonononono! Don’t tell me! Not again?!”
Jaune: What are you talking about?
Salem: “Y-You’re not leaving me…? B-But… you’re dying…”
Jaune: I’m dying?!
Salem: “In my heart…? you’ll always be with me… even if it’s just as a beautiful memory in my heart…?”
Salem: “I won’t be alone? How is that… My children…? My grandchildren…”
Salem: “I won’t be alone… I will still be loved… I will have a family…?”
Jaune: Okay stop this! G-G-Get out of my head!
Salem red eyes came back into view. She stared at, Jaune as she stood up, unsealing the bands that bound him to the chair.
Jaune rubbed his wrists as he watched, Salem take a nervous step away from him as a shy blush spread across her face.
Salem: Y-You said your name was, Jaune right?
Jaune: Yeah…?
Salem: So… do you want to try beating your mother record now, or would you prefer if we waited till after you’re body has healed?
Jaune: What are you talking…?!
Jaune stopped talking as he noticed something peculiar.
Jaune: “Why is she rubbing her thighs like that? The last time I saw a woman do that was when, Terra ask me to…?! Oh… Ohhhhhhh!”
Jaune: …
Jaune: N-Now is good…
Salem: Wonderful~!
#rwby#jaune arc#rwby salem#rwby ozpin#oscar pine#terra cortta arc#jaune x salem#salem x jaune#rwby grimmknight
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Saph's reaction to Jaune bringing his new girlfriend to her house, Elm
#rwby#rwby shitpost#jaune arc#saphron cotta arc#elm ederne#maria calavera#jessica cruz#olivia pine#nebula violette#ilia amitola#violette knight#pine gold#skull knight#hammer knight#energizer bunny#double rainbow#rwby knightlight#jaune x harriet#jaune x elm#jaune x nebula
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God of Darkness: You should not have come here, human. Why do you cross through my domain?
Jaune: I was on my way to the kitchen for a snack and I got lost.
God of Darkness: You ended up in the twelfth realm of torment on your way to the kitchen?
Jaune: I am not a clever man.
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Pietro: her power cell recharge itself as she moves it's a revolution in robotic longevity.
Jaune raise his hand
Pietro: yes
Jaune: can you f# her?
Pietro:(confused) excuse me?
Jaune: can you f# her?
Pietro: no
Jaune, Ruby and Winter upset and leave
Winter: what was the point of all that.
Ruby: why build a robot woman if you can't have sex with her.
#jaune arc#penny polendina#pietro polendina#ruby rose#winter schnee#RWBY#Parody#robot chicken#Robotic knight#rwby nuts and dolts#cold steel rwby
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Controversy and Cooperation
Pyrrha/Yang: *debating the merits of the soft, squeezable Bellabooty and the firm, spankable Arc Booty*
Jaune/Blake: *in the next room joining forces to tell the world that muscular women ARE attractive and the doubters are just cowards*
#rwby#jaune arc#pyrrha nikos#yang xiao long#blake belladonna#arkos#jaune x pyrrha#jaune arc x pyrrha nikos#bumbleby#Yang X Blake#Yang xiao long X Blake belladonna
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Nora: *peeping on Silent Knight* Oh my God, its like he's chalking a pool cue.
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*In the Final Battle*
Salem: IMMEDIATE TESTICULAR TORSION!
Yang: *Falls to the ground, clutching her groin* GAAAHH! FUCKFUCKFUCK
Jaune: ...
Jaune: You know, I'm pretty comfortable in my body, but for once I'm happy I'm not cis-
Salem: Instantaneous Period!
Jaune: *Also falls, Clutching his stomach* GODS MOTHERFUCKING DAMMIT-
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Jaune: Thanks again for doing this with me, Nora.
Nora: Anything for you, Jauney~! But, uh, why did your mom want you to make bread with me again?
Jaune: I don't know. She just told me not to come back until we put a bun in your oven.
Nora: ...
Jaune: Which is weird that she'd want that since she's gluten-free, so it's not like she would eat it.
Nora: ...Jaune, allow me to introduce you to a little something called... "The sexy metaphor."
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I feel everyone here should be made aware that the fine folks over at r/fnki have taken to photoshopping Foghorn Leghorn into scenes and captioning them accordingly.
Behold:
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Student: Who are you, RWBY's gay best friend?
Jaune: My pelvis would hurt less if I was.
RWBY: Jaune, it's time for the 4pm orgy.
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Ruby: What did you get pyrrha gor her birthday?
Yang: I got her a jaune arc body pillow.
Ruby: Really me too.
Blake: I also got her a jaune arc body pillow.
Wiess: Looks like we all had the same idea.
Ren: Nora, please tell me you didn’t also get a jaune arc body pillow as well.
Nora: I got her Jaune.
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Pyrrha on her bed surrounded by jaune pillows and jaune shirtless with a bow on his head feeding her the chocolate cake he baked her.
Pyrrha: THIS IS THE BEST BIRTHDAY EVER!
#rwby#jaune arc#pyrrha nikos#incorrect rwby quotes#arkos#jaune arc x pyrrha nikos#jaune x pyrrha#happy birthday pyrrha#from that one meme about cats.
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After marrying Terra, Saphron teases Jaune on how he would probably be attracted to dark skinned girls just like she is.
A few years later, Jaune brings his girlfriend to meet her and Saphron tells him that she was joking about him being attracted to dark skinned girls and didn't expect him to date a girl like Emerald.
Just gonna add in the song in my head for Jaune shooting the girls from RWBY down
#rwby#rwby shitpost#jaune arc#saphron cotta arc#terra cotta arc#emerald sustrai#rwby topaz#topaz#jaune x emerald
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