She’s a lady

Why patience is key

Hey girlies,

I think we all know this situation: we write down our goals and how we’re gonna achieve them.

We start working out, do our skincare religiously for a week, eat clean…but after two weeks that feel like years we don’t see much progress.

We don’t have ABs, our skin is not crystal clear and cooking three meals a day annoys us.

We get mad because we did everything we could but can’t really see a difference.

Well, I have bad news for us all. It’s not possible to change your life in a few weeks.

We have to be patient, no matter how hard it is.

We can’t expect our body to completly transform in a few weeks after we neglected it for the last years.

We can’t expect our skin to clear up in a week after we did nothing for the last few months.

It is painful, I know. It’s a bitter pill to swallow, I know. But we have to stay strong and patient.

Results will come with time, remember that.

I'm going to make it. No one and nothing is going to stop me.

One of the best things I learned was that it was never too late to start over.

I've heard this being said before but it never really clicked until I met someone who embodied it fully and unapologetically. My Palestinian neighbors had a relative who I had always looked up to when I was in high school. She was smart, funny, loving, and most importantly knew her worth. Her worth wasn't spoken about. Never had I heard her utter things like "I'm confident" or "I know my worth" or anything else along those lines. However, she did embody it.

When I was in high school she was being courted by a man who seemed to adore her and shower her with love. From the outside looking in, he seemed enamored with her. At some point, she accepts to being his wife. They have a lovely engagement party. The wedding was going to be even better. So, imagine my surprise, and many others, when on the day of the wedding, as people are getting ready and making their way to the venue, the entire thing is called off. Money was already put in. Money they couldn't get back. The reason for calling off the wedding? This man began to insult her and make some interesting remarks and as a result she decided she wasn't going through the wedding. I don't know what was said but I do know her family made it clear that she should've worked it out rather than just leave especially on the actual wedding day. After all, what would people think? For those who don't know, plenty of Middle Eastern and North African cultures would view this as an issue. And I personally know many women who have had deep regrets over their marriage but were too worried about the stigma of canceling the wedding when it was so close and the potential of being seen as difficult or spoiled. Of course, this wasn't everyone but a good majority.

Seeing this very statement of "never too late to start over" be embodied by someone wholeheartedly really altered my perspective when I was younger. I also got to see first hand the strength it requires to start over while everyone around you is judging your very decision. Thanks to her I grew up with a solid example to follow and have tried my best to have this attitude with everything in my life. Personally, it has paid off well.

Hampton summer please😌

Sag men don’t change just lyk

Daily Reminder from ms. Lori Harvey ✨

You ARE THE PRIZE!!!

Check out our post on the Lori Harvey Method.

🎥hollywoodhillswife

I refuse to complain.

I have no right to complain, not about my appearance nor about my health.

I have all the tools and knowledge to transform myself into the best possible version and until I tried everything, I simply refuse to complain about anything.

What do you feel about coffee dates being better because you can bail easier and it allows you to test the waters a lot better?

Hey habibti,

I don't see the reason why you can't bail or leave a dinner date? The only time I think that could be an issue is if you've been set up by a mutual friend or someone within your network and don't want to make your reputation look bad or be disrespectful to the person who is doing the matchmaking. Even for a good amount of those cases, there are still ways you can bail. Bailing on dinner dates isn't some mission impossible task. No one is holding a gun to your head to stay. Many women want to raise their standards and not allow a man to disrespect them and that is good. Yet not many people want to point out that if you are having a hard time walking away from something as simple as a dinner date, you will have an even harder time walking away from bigger issues in the relationships.

Dinner dates are also really good for the vetting process in my personal experience. The vetting process tends to be much quicker. Especially if you're paying attention.

Dinning Etiquette

On average dinner dates tend to be more formal and come with a certain set of expectations. The more experience someone has with dinner dates - especially at elevated restaurants - the more comfortable they are going to be at that environment. It's a good way of figuring out how familiar the man is to this sort of setting. It will be portrayed in the way he holds himself, his reaction to the menu and his knowledge of what is on it, the things he says, and more. When he eats, you will be able to take notice of whether he is good at navigating what fork to use and when to use it or does he look perplexed at what to do with the different utensils spread out before him. Men are expected to pay, that is pretty established, but with a dinner date you get to observe just how he reacts to having to pay. There are men who will pay but will expect something in return. Or his body language might expose him to be reluctant, annoyed, or seem like he was forced to pass over his card. A man who is used to these dates will behave very naturally and won't be causing a fuss whether that is verbally or nonverbally. You want to know if after he pays, he remains a gentleman and continues to behave just the way he was always behaving before the bill came. Keep in mind, there are men who will pay for a coffee but have trouble with paying for dinner too which is why I personally think dinner dates are better at vetting.

Personality

I love a man who can hold conversation. I'm not interested in men who have trouble guiding the conversation and seem to be at a loss for anything interesting to say. Nothing bores me more. Dinner dates are good at weeding out men like this. Especially since there is more pressure and his ability of holding a conversation is tested a lot better in comparison to a coffee date. It can also tell you a lot about his personality when it comes to planning a date, but I don't want to ramble too much on that. Dinner dates are also a great excuse for men to behave like gentleman. Depending on how he executes his mannerisms it can let you identify if it's natural for him to be a gentleman or just a temporary act. Initial observation is not always a guarantee, and this might take observation of his actions throughout your relationship to know if he is just naturally a gentleman, but dinner dates speed up that process or help set up the standard for that sort of treatment.

Men aren't obtuse to women feeling pressure to stay during the dinner date. Plenty of men know that it is very unlikely for a woman to just get up and leave. Most of us have had that experience where your friend has a terrible date and she's going on and on about one disrespect after the other and you are horrified as to all the things this man does, but for a lot of men they look at it differently. It's where the advice of don't tell men about how badly men treated you in your past relationships formed due to men using it to gauge how they can treat you and your self-worth. It's the same. There are constant stories online that men can come across of women giving these horrific date stories, their female friends are probably ranting to them about it, and they themselves have probably heard it from their friends or have done this to a girl. Men know most women aren't going to leave and that becomes a great vetting opportunity. There is a high chance that you are going to come in contact with a man who will use this to his advantage to be disrespectful, and once you've seen that you only need to leave. Vetting? Done. Barely any effort in situations like those. Casual dates where a woman can easily excuse herself and leave are less likely - not impossible - to show that side of a man. Thus, he has a better chance of convincing you that he is a great potential partner. Enough time for your brain to get hooked on him and start to make decisions blindly. These men are a lot smarter than what women will give them credit for.

Casual is getting in your way

Whenever the topic of casual dates is brought up, it's always framed as a date that can help you weed out or vet people you don't like, but personally I believe it has a way of hindering progress. There is a lot to notice about the way a man plans his dates. During the talking stage there will be certain details mentioned and men who pay attention are going to reflect that on the date. It's a small indicator of gauging his interest and personality. You can also see if he is the type to think ahead and assess the situation accurately. Some men might take you out some place loud and overwhelming, resulting in the two of you having trouble connecting and interacting with each other. Ultimately illustrating that this guy doesn't seem to think ahead. It could be overlooked if this was a restaurant he has never been to or if he bounces back from that mistake and learns from it. All of which can give you insight into how he handles problems and whether that works for you in a relationship. With a date that requires more effort and time out of both parties, it's a lot easier to clearly notice this.

Even when it comes to the vetting process, dates that tend to show more effort, specifically the formal ones, tend to give more opportunities for you to ask more serious questions. Questions that could help you with your vetting process. Additionally, it's important to note that if you are surrounded by friends and family with different dating standards, you are more prone to opening yourself up to people discouraging you of your own standards. I have friends who like to be spoiled and I have friends who do 50/50. I don't really judge if a woman wants to live her way differently than me. I know I can stand firm on my boundaries and what I expect out of life. However, many of you reading this could be still working on yourselves, maybe trying to destroy people pleasing tendencies, or just insecure about dating in general. When you aren't used to a certain treatment, it's easier for people to demoralize you. There are going to be woman who think you are overreacting when you complain about your coffee not being paid for and some women will not be ready to stand behind their standards as easily as others when it's under scrutiny.

I could argue this all day honestly.

With Love, Heart💚

Pink self-care day🪷

On my self care days I always play just dance.

The big BK