One of the best things I learned was that it was never too late to start over.

I've heard this being said before but it never really clicked until I met someone who embodied it fully and unapologetically. My Palestinian neighbors had a relative who I had always looked up to when I was in high school. She was smart, funny, loving, and most importantly knew her worth. Her worth wasn't spoken about. Never had I heard her utter things like "I'm confident" or "I know my worth" or anything else along those lines. However, she did embody it.

When I was in high school she was being courted by a man who seemed to adore her and shower her with love. From the outside looking in, he seemed enamored with her. At some point, she accepts to being his wife. They have a lovely engagement party. The wedding was going to be even better. So, imagine my surprise, and many others, when on the day of the wedding, as people are getting ready and making their way to the venue, the entire thing is called off. Money was already put in. Money they couldn't get back. The reason for calling off the wedding? This man began to insult her and make some interesting remarks and as a result she decided she wasn't going through the wedding. I don't know what was said but I do know her family made it clear that she should've worked it out rather than just leave especially on the actual wedding day. After all, what would people think? For those who don't know, plenty of Middle Eastern and North African cultures would view this as an issue. And I personally know many women who have had deep regrets over their marriage but were too worried about the stigma of canceling the wedding when it was so close and the potential of being seen as difficult or spoiled. Of course, this wasn't everyone but a good majority.

Seeing this very statement of "never too late to start over" be embodied by someone wholeheartedly really altered my perspective when I was younger. I also got to see first hand the strength it requires to start over while everyone around you is judging your very decision. Thanks to her I grew up with a solid example to follow and have tried my best to have this attitude with everything in my life. Personally, it has paid off well.

5 level-up & hypergamy youtubers you need to watch

 

Hey yall! this is part 2 of my favourite Youtuber list CLICK HERE to view it!

I thought I’d share some of my favourite feminine/level-up/pro-hypergamous YouTube channels. Some of them directly talk about femininity, etiquette, or growing towards becoming a better person.

In no particular order, here are my top 5 favourite YouTube channels about femininity, levelling up, hypergamy, and inspiration for generally becoming a better version of myself. I hope you enjoy them too.

KWUCOCO✨

My black SBs and spoiled girlfriends know about this babe!

Kwucoco (Kamanda) is a 27-year-old Cameroonian native. Residing in the heart of Boston, Massachusetts. She is an aspiring real estate agent. Coco is a kept woman her vlogs include herself displaying the various gifts she receives from her many "admirers", "friends" and sugar daddies. Although she mainly makes vlogs of her day-to-day life. She does drop advice on how she became the high-value woman she is today!

Woman of elegance ✨

Woman of elegance is the ultimate guide in teaching women from all corners of the globe how to be elegant, refined and polished ladies.

This online finishing school was created by Vivienne Abena who is passionate about being polished and refined. helping women across the globe with style and proper etiquette.

CodenameChannel✨

The hypergamy and level-up guru! if you're a black woman and you ready to learn how to put yourself in the right places to level up? She's the one to go to! 

Lisa Hart✨

Lisa is a fashion designer and blogger from France who loves old Hollywood glamour and belly dance, which she draws upon in a number of her videos.

In her videos, she discusses style, beauty, femininity, elegance, deportment, glamour, and grace.

Into a Milli✨

Into a milli (Karina) is an entrepreneur running an online business and she also makes videos discussing women, money, and power. On her channel, she talks about internal growth, elegance, beauty, wealth, business, etiquette, romantic relationships, and what she considers the ills of society.

Hope you all loved this list don't forget to check out Part 1 HERE

Actions over words.

How did you improve your posture?

It's as easy as ABC!

I have been engaging in a morning routine that involves following the guidance of Yuuka's instructional videos. I love her videos, her exercises are low-impact yet highly effective. She provides a preview prior to commencing the next set of exercises, it's a very welcome touch that enhances the experience for me and I appreciate the consideration for her audience because her videos are truly easy to follow. I like her voice, it helps to relax and soothe me as I engage in the physical movements. I have found that Yuuka's approach to exercise has proven to be remarkably effective in yielding positive results, I see immediate results which makes it an essential part of my preparation before important events and I would highly recommend her videos.

Cat.

I reccomend getting lash extensions if you wanna quit crying all the time. Every time I feel my eyes water , I suck that shit back up so fast.

What is Hypergamy FR!?

                              What they aren’t telling you...

I have been using Tumblr since forever, I’ve always followed Hypergamy blrs, and such of that nature. I’ve had a few Tumblr accounts over the decade and with that I’ve came up on some very good ones and I’ve lost some. Honestly, some of them were credible and notetaking worthy. Most of them 2019 - Now are just bullsh*t, copy and paste, plagiarism, no credit given at all. Always give credit when its due, dear. I am formatting my blog to be one of those good informative ones, this isn’t mainly a “hypergamy” blog however this will be real time information about my current lifestyle, all things visionary to me etc. what it means to me and any knowledge or advice for the reader.

So, to start One needs to know that Hypergamy is when a woman marries into an equal or higher social group. Now the benefits, are solely based on your standards and how high up you see yourself.

For me, I am honestly not trying to get married just yet. I establish a friendship with high trust and gain a good rapport, then we let time give labels If it doesn’t lead to marriage (which I don’t mind) then I don’t know what to call it lol #Black Girls in Luxury, Maybe. Personally, I have never had to change my ways just to fit in with the Elite. If he truly accepts and respect me, and has the tendency to be low key with a smooth demeanor, then we’re good. Trust, I’m currently a broke college student with a warm and spicy attitude I still manage to attract Elite.

One thing they don’t tell you is to NEVER BE or BECOME GULLIBLE!

KNOW YOUR WORTH, take care of yourself mentally/physically and keep yourself polished, do all the things that make YOU, You. You’ll be just fine. So don’t doubt your appearance nor your personality NEVER CHANGE DUE TO YOUR INSECURITIES VOICES IN YOUR HEAD or OTHER PEOPLES PERCEPTION/OUTLOOKS.

how to create a leveling up/dream girl/rebranding plan 🤍🍸🖤

establish your aesthetic

first thing’s first, you need to know where you want to go in life and what is your “aesthetic”? do you want to be giving “classy, businesswoman”? what about “nyc socialite”? of course these are just examples, but you should know what type of girl you want to embody. remember, you don’t have to fit a narrative, but you should have a general “aesthetic” that you want to be associated with. even if it’s 50 million different aesthetics, it’s whatever makes you, you.

visualize yourself/life

get inspired by making a vision board (physical or digital) and add to your board (if digital) daily. i find that this helps you stay in alignment with where you want to be in the future. you have to stay in that frequency and remind yourself of what’s next to come… because this new life is what’s next to come.

start with habits

please refer to my “starting your leveling up journey” post, but basically— you should create 1-3 habits for each of your goals and work on them until they become second nature. then when you’re ready, start implementing more habits that are aligned with your goals.

create routines with your habits

can you incorporate some of these new habits into a morning or evening routine? we all know that routines are important— they almost become our personalities and they set the tone for the day and night, and even the next day. for me, i know i’m only inspired to exercise in the morning around 10am, so exercise is part of my morning routine.

create daily + weekly goals

let’s say part of your journey is learning a new language. a daily goal could be learning one new vocabulary word in that language. your weekly goal could be knowing the alphabet in that language. use this method for all of your goals.

don’t overwhelm yourself with goals, routines, and habits

start slow; don’t overwhelm yourself. if you want to work on one goal at a time, then work on that one goal. burnout is real and it’s very hard to get back into the swing of things afterwards. i understand most of us are impatient when we just want to be a different version of ourselves, but it’s going to take some adjusting. i suggest not working on more than 3 things at once, but if you can work on more, go ahead

be a part of a community to keep you accountable

tumblr and facebook groups in my opinion are the best ways you can connect with other women who are working on the same thing. you can inspire one another, bounce ideas off of one another, and it’s super fun. you might want to even document your journey online.

set milestones and have a reward system

let’s say you would like to lose or gain weight, no matter the number, focus on 5-10 pound increments. when each milestone is successfully completed, reward yourself with something nice. maybe it’s getting your nails done, or splurging on a product that everyone on tiktok keeps talking about. apply this to any of your goals where there are milestones to get to.

don’t waste the day

you should not have any “zero days” meaning… you should be doing at least one thing everyday to reach a goal(s) you have. it doesn’t matter if one goal was to maintain a more organized, clean environment— do your dishes, set the trash out, clean up the hair from the bathroom sink, etc.

I get it, women take a lot more accountability than men (imo) because society is currently set up this way. Women fill up churches, support groups, therapy, they’re purchasing more self-help books and literature than men, and there are a million pages on social media dedicated to women bettering themselves while there are barely any for men. Overall, anything related to self improvement and reflection is dominated by women. Socially and culturally speaking most parents hold their daughter more accountable than their sons. That’s why a 15 year old boy can be out galavanting late with his friends but a 20 year old woman has a strict curfew.

At some point you have to realize (as a woman) that you automatically deserve more from life and the partner that you choose because it is your birth right (imo).

Just because the majority of men are not decent humans, doesn’t mean you have to settle.

And just because you’re constantly being groomed by society to improve as a woman doesn’t mean that something is wrong with you or that you’re not good enough every time a man doesn’t know how to act right.

Lift your head high and accept the power that you hold. Stop questioning yourself every two seconds and accept that men can often do wrong. Be confident.

how do i learn to develop JOMO? (joy of missing out)

HOW TO DEVELOP JOMO

Jomo is the joy in missing out. JOMO encourages intentional living and finding fulfilment in the present rather than seeking validation or fearing missing out on what others are doing. It celebrates the freedom and peace that comes from consciously choosing to miss out on certain social activities and trends. 

DISCONNECT. Social media is an illusion, it makes everything look better than it truly is. Not only should you put boundaries on how you manage and use your accounts, but you should also shift your mindset when using them. 

Begin to think of social media as a tool to help you become the best version of yourself. Consume content that resonates with your current life or the life you’re working towards. This will motivate you to work hard for what you want. 

EMBRACE SOLITUDE. Learn to find enjoyment in being alone. Using this time by ourselves to reflect, recharge and indulge in our pleasures allows us to connect better with ourselves. 

To get used to being alone, challenge yourself to do things that you would usually have to do with someone else, by yourself. Whether it’s eating out, studying, shopping etc. 

REFRAME YOUR MINDSET TO GRADITUDE. Someone else’s assets, skills or experiences do not take away from your own. Be thankful for what you have, and what you are going to get. 

Begin to focus on what to cherish currently, other than what you could be missing out on. A way to practice gratitude is at the end of the day, to list 5 things that you’re thankful for (and you wouldn’t trade for someone else’s life!). 

PRIORITISE YOURSELF. You should start to see that the ability to take care of yourself is a privilege that you shouldn’t ignore. Instead of saying ‘yes’ to every commitment, only go to the ones that align with you and bring genuine fulfilment. 

The times when you’re not at any commitments, use it to invest in yourself and practice some self-care rituals regularly. Your health is more important than any other event. 

BE INTENTIONAL WITH YOUR TIME. Stop chasing after every single opportunity, especially ones that do not resonate with your dream life. Only do the things that align with your values and goals. 

Stay focused on what truly matters to you. This doesn’t even have to be about going out, it applies to scrolling, laying in bed all day, or watching TV shows, do something intentional instead. 

PRACTICE DETACHMENT. Focus on you and you only. Other people’s lives, words or actions should not play a role in how your days go. It does not matter what they’re doing, you’re just wasting energy on someone who probably could not care less. 

CELEBRATE OTHER’S SUCCESS. Someone else’s success is proof that you can do it too. There is enough success for everyone, be happy that others are achieving what you want to achieve because that allows you to open up to the opportunities you want. 

GET MOTIVATED & INSPIRED INTERNALLY. While I’m all for using other people’s lives as motivation, there is a line when your life becomes misaligned with your goals and values, because that’s still someone else’s life. 

You know yourself better than anyone else. You know why you want this, and you know how you envision it. Tap into those feelings and embody them. 

What do you feel about coffee dates being better because you can bail easier and it allows you to test the waters a lot better?

Hey habibti,

I don't see the reason why you can't bail or leave a dinner date? The only time I think that could be an issue is if you've been set up by a mutual friend or someone within your network and don't want to make your reputation look bad or be disrespectful to the person who is doing the matchmaking. Even for a good amount of those cases, there are still ways you can bail. Bailing on dinner dates isn't some mission impossible task. No one is holding a gun to your head to stay. Many women want to raise their standards and not allow a man to disrespect them and that is good. Yet not many people want to point out that if you are having a hard time walking away from something as simple as a dinner date, you will have an even harder time walking away from bigger issues in the relationships.

Dinner dates are also really good for the vetting process in my personal experience. The vetting process tends to be much quicker. Especially if you're paying attention.

Dinning Etiquette

On average dinner dates tend to be more formal and come with a certain set of expectations. The more experience someone has with dinner dates - especially at elevated restaurants - the more comfortable they are going to be at that environment. It's a good way of figuring out how familiar the man is to this sort of setting. It will be portrayed in the way he holds himself, his reaction to the menu and his knowledge of what is on it, the things he says, and more. When he eats, you will be able to take notice of whether he is good at navigating what fork to use and when to use it or does he look perplexed at what to do with the different utensils spread out before him. Men are expected to pay, that is pretty established, but with a dinner date you get to observe just how he reacts to having to pay. There are men who will pay but will expect something in return. Or his body language might expose him to be reluctant, annoyed, or seem like he was forced to pass over his card. A man who is used to these dates will behave very naturally and won't be causing a fuss whether that is verbally or nonverbally. You want to know if after he pays, he remains a gentleman and continues to behave just the way he was always behaving before the bill came. Keep in mind, there are men who will pay for a coffee but have trouble with paying for dinner too which is why I personally think dinner dates are better at vetting.

Personality

I love a man who can hold conversation. I'm not interested in men who have trouble guiding the conversation and seem to be at a loss for anything interesting to say. Nothing bores me more. Dinner dates are good at weeding out men like this. Especially since there is more pressure and his ability of holding a conversation is tested a lot better in comparison to a coffee date. It can also tell you a lot about his personality when it comes to planning a date, but I don't want to ramble too much on that. Dinner dates are also a great excuse for men to behave like gentleman. Depending on how he executes his mannerisms it can let you identify if it's natural for him to be a gentleman or just a temporary act. Initial observation is not always a guarantee, and this might take observation of his actions throughout your relationship to know if he is just naturally a gentleman, but dinner dates speed up that process or help set up the standard for that sort of treatment.

Men aren't obtuse to women feeling pressure to stay during the dinner date. Plenty of men know that it is very unlikely for a woman to just get up and leave. Most of us have had that experience where your friend has a terrible date and she's going on and on about one disrespect after the other and you are horrified as to all the things this man does, but for a lot of men they look at it differently. It's where the advice of don't tell men about how badly men treated you in your past relationships formed due to men using it to gauge how they can treat you and your self-worth. It's the same. There are constant stories online that men can come across of women giving these horrific date stories, their female friends are probably ranting to them about it, and they themselves have probably heard it from their friends or have done this to a girl. Men know most women aren't going to leave and that becomes a great vetting opportunity. There is a high chance that you are going to come in contact with a man who will use this to his advantage to be disrespectful, and once you've seen that you only need to leave. Vetting? Done. Barely any effort in situations like those. Casual dates where a woman can easily excuse herself and leave are less likely - not impossible - to show that side of a man. Thus, he has a better chance of convincing you that he is a great potential partner. Enough time for your brain to get hooked on him and start to make decisions blindly. These men are a lot smarter than what women will give them credit for.

Casual is getting in your way

Whenever the topic of casual dates is brought up, it's always framed as a date that can help you weed out or vet people you don't like, but personally I believe it has a way of hindering progress. There is a lot to notice about the way a man plans his dates. During the talking stage there will be certain details mentioned and men who pay attention are going to reflect that on the date. It's a small indicator of gauging his interest and personality. You can also see if he is the type to think ahead and assess the situation accurately. Some men might take you out some place loud and overwhelming, resulting in the two of you having trouble connecting and interacting with each other. Ultimately illustrating that this guy doesn't seem to think ahead. It could be overlooked if this was a restaurant he has never been to or if he bounces back from that mistake and learns from it. All of which can give you insight into how he handles problems and whether that works for you in a relationship. With a date that requires more effort and time out of both parties, it's a lot easier to clearly notice this.

Even when it comes to the vetting process, dates that tend to show more effort, specifically the formal ones, tend to give more opportunities for you to ask more serious questions. Questions that could help you with your vetting process. Additionally, it's important to note that if you are surrounded by friends and family with different dating standards, you are more prone to opening yourself up to people discouraging you of your own standards. I have friends who like to be spoiled and I have friends who do 50/50. I don't really judge if a woman wants to live her way differently than me. I know I can stand firm on my boundaries and what I expect out of life. However, many of you reading this could be still working on yourselves, maybe trying to destroy people pleasing tendencies, or just insecure about dating in general. When you aren't used to a certain treatment, it's easier for people to demoralize you. There are going to be woman who think you are overreacting when you complain about your coffee not being paid for and some women will not be ready to stand behind their standards as easily as others when it's under scrutiny.

I could argue this all day honestly.

With Love, Heart💚

Daily Reminder from ms. Lori Harvey ✨

You ARE THE PRIZE!!!

Check out our post on the Lori Harvey Method.

🎥hollywoodhillswife

how do you know what suits you best?

Knowing my McJimsey Essence!

Discovering my style essences was an important aspect of my journey towards defining my personal style. Your physical appearance, build, height, facial characteristics, hairstyle, manner, voice, and expression all contribute to your overall style essence and I have found McJimsey Essences to be a valuable tool in figuring out what clothing looks good on me and upgrading my style.

The 7 Style Essences.

The 7 Style Essences Explained.

The Ingenue Style Essence.

The Dramatic Style Essence.

The Natural Style Essence.

The Romantic Style Essence.

The Angelic Style Essence.

The Gamine Style Essence.

I don't follow Kibbe, I find it too restrictive and the typing posts are amusing to me because people always disagree and there seems to be a great deal of discrepancy despite the supposed expertise of those involved. It's meant to facilitate the process of finding your personal style but there's more confusion than clarity, Kibbe is not exactly what I'd call a fashion icon, so I avoid it all together.

I've been following McJimsey Essences for years now and I find it a lot more straight forwards than categorizing people based on their body types and there's just so much more depth to it and room to play around and have fun with it. It's not as rigid or limited as other style cults, most people are a mix of multiple essences, and it allows for creativity and experimentation while still offering guidance which I love.

I am mostly ingenue with a strong undercurrent of gamine, lots of ethereal and a dash of romantic. I still love dressing in all of my classic looks but adding elements from my essences have worked wonders for creating a more cohesive and harmonious look and I can switch it up based on the occasion. I love browsing through Pinterest, saving outfits and recreating looks, updating my wardrobe, revisiting and drawing inspiration from Art and Fashion in Clothing Selection, and taking notes to freshen up my look.

Cat.

Pretty privilege is real.

Subtle ways to change how people view you:

Lean in slightly to appear more interested in the conversation

Speak slower and softer if you wish to seem like a dream / at peace

Keep your bag organized, when you reach to grab things out of it you’ll seem more put together if there’s little to no struggle to find things

Using a fragrance oil on your wrist and under your ears will seem more Sophisticated than spraying yourself with perfume

Read poetry, keep a select few favorites in your mind. When people ask what you enjoy, say poetry and provide an example. You’ll appear more emotionally intelligent

If you’re going to fake smile, move the muscles under your eyes so that your cheeks raises enough to halfway squint. It seems more genuine that way.

Walk with your head up everywhere. And I mean everywhere.

Stop messing with your little imperfections only you notice. There’s no need to straighten your shirt, rub your hand down your pants etc. Leave it be and you will appear more confident.

my intentional morning routine:

-I wake up around 6 AM, instead of immediately getting on my phone like I used to. I lay in bed for a couple of minutes, allowing my body to realize the transition it is making.

-After that, I immediately drink a full bottle of water. This is pretty easy for me because when I wake up, I’m usually dehydrated even if I don’t realize it yet my body does. I’m able to do this quickly and easily by grabbing a water bottle the night before. By the time I wake up it’s usually warm, warm/hot liquids are actually very beneficial to your digestive system. This helps my digestive system get a head start on the day.

-I move onto making my bed. A step I never used to incorporate because I always felt it was unnecessary but once my bed is made I rarely want to ruin the work I’ve created which urges me to not get back in it.

-Tea. I always drink some type of tea in the morning, my go-tos being ginger or green. This is another thing that I do for my digestive system as well as overall calmness. Instead of doing another task while having my tea, I like to enjoy it and simply take gratitude in the drink.

-I then go into breath work, I do a Nadi Shodhana technique of alternate nostril breathing, as someone with severe anxiety breathing has become a big part of my journey in managing it. Even if I’m not feeling anxious I love to get a head start on it (something I learned from my therapist). I tend to do this practice for a few minutes and find my body in a completely calm state afterward.

The Technique:

*Sit in a comfortable position for me this is usually with my legs crossed.

*Place your ring finger on your left nostril and your thumb on the right.

*Cover your right nostril and breathe in through your left, cover your left nostril and exhale through your right nostril and repeat.

*When you are finally done with this practice exhale fully out of your left nostril.

-The next thing I like to do is engage in prayer and gratitude. I have created a specific prayer that I repeat every morning, although it changes when needed. I simply express gratitude by writing out everything that I am thankful for in that moment in my journal.

-I then move onto hygiene and breakfast which I’ll usually have a smoothie or oatmeal if I’m not fasting.

And that’s my intentional morning routine!