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#except hes totally not a cat but oh well
crisp-art · 4 months
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Yesterdays doodle based off a very cute tweet I saw
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cowboyhorsegirl · 1 year
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You know how sometimes animals will stand guard for another while they eat so they don’t get attacked/food stolen? Cat!Tony eats first and everyone has to wait or else they deal with Capwolf and yes that means Clint can’t start eating his nachos until Cat!Tony decides he’s done or doesn’t want them thanx
capwolf starts ominously growling every time clint reaches for a chip
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asbealthgn · 1 year
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Eddie is used to getting recognized in public, but it doesn’t mean he likes it.
And Gareth knows how much he doesn’t like it, so Eddie’s not really sure why his best friend has completely abandoned him like this. Well, maybe abandon is a little dramatic. He said he’d be right back, but that was half an hour ago, and there’s only so many times he can circle the park and dive into bushes anytime someone gets too close. Which is why Eddie left the park altogether and is now sitting at a bus station. No one would expect notorious Corroded Coffin frontman Eddie Munson to be at a bus station, right?
Except he’s not sure the hat and sunglasses and incongruous location are quite doing their job. A group of kids across the road have stopped and they’re all whispering amongst themselves as they look at him. Eddie really wishes he had something to conceal himself with, but his hand over his face would definitely look way too suspicious. He’s thinking he might just have to cut and run and take his chances back in the park bushes.
That is, until the most beautiful man he’s ever seen in his life sits in the seat next to him, unfurling a giant map that easily shields both of them. Eddie’s fucking savior.
“Hey, you wouldn’t happen to know how to get to Japantown, would you?” the guy asks.
As it happens, Eddie does know how to get to Japantown. He hasn’t actually ridden the bus in years, but he still remembers the route. “Yeah,” he says, pointing it out on the map. “You just get on line five headed east and ride it like nine or ten stops until you get to McAllister and Fillmore. From there you just have to walk a few blocks to get into the area.”
The guy looks at him with big eyes, brown and a little droopy. “McAllister and Fillmore,” he repeats, like he’s trying to memorize it. He has pretty pink lips, glistening a little like he’s wearing lipgloss. 
Fuck, he’s adorable. And looks a bit prone to getting lost. And Eddie’s still kind of mad at Gareth for leaving him high and dry out here. So as the bus pulls up to the stop, Eddie figures what the hell?
“I’m actually headed that way,” Eddie says, standing. “I can show you.”
The guy’s whole face brightens and fuck, he really is gorgeous. “You don’t mind?”
“Not at all, big boy.”
The bus is blessedly empty other than one shriveled up lady sitting towards the front with her groceries and a teenager in the middle with giant headphones and their nose in a book. Eddie heads to the back with the guy, who now has a faint blush dusting his nose and cheeks.
“I’m Steve, by the way,” he says as he sits in the seat next to Eddie. “What’s your name?”
So that confirms that Steve doesn’t know who he is. It didn’t seem like he did from how he was reacting, but it’s a bit of relief to know for sure. “Eddie,” he says, bumping his shoulder into Steve’s. “Nice to meet you.”
Steve gives him a smile that’s about as radiant as the sun as he nudges Eddie’s shoulder back. “You too.”
“So what do you have going on in Japantown?” Eddie asks.
“I’m headed to a baby shower for some friends who live near there,” he says, “Well, it’s not a real baby shower.”
“No?”
“‘Cause it’s not a real baby. That is, it’s not a human baby.”
Eddie lifts his eyebrows. “I think you lost me.”
Steve twists in his seat and starts gesturing with his hands. “Well, it all started when they found out that one of their cats wasn’t actually spayed and had gotten knocked up by a stray,” he says, “And Robin was like, ‘Hey, more cats, that’s a good thing,’ and Nancy was like, ‘No, our neighbors already think we’re crazy cat ladies.’”
“Uh huh.”
“So they compromised and decided they would keep one kitten and give the rest away,” Steve says, “So it’s less of a come give us presents for our baby shower and more of a please take our babies away shower. You know?”
“Oh yeah, one of those,” Eddie says, and Steve laughs. 
“Hey, are you in the market for a kitten?” he asks. “Cause if you are, I totally know where you can get one.”
It’s Eddie’s turn to laugh. “Honestly?” he says, “I’ve got nothing else going on. Why the hell not?”
Steve gives him another one of those radiant smiles and Eddie can’t help but hope he gets more than a kitten by the end of this.
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evilminji · 8 months
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Okay... so it COULD be because, as a writer, I'm an ASSHOLE to my Characters...
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT'D BE FUNNY?
Danny, innocent, gets YEETED into DC. As ya do. And he's a bit messed up. But! He's a Baby Ancient in the making. Gonna be master of Spaaaaaace(~~~☆!) one day. Very exciting, only slightly relevant.
See, Ectoplasm? Dumb. That's why we need Cores and Brains etc. Never let Ectoplasm decide things. It WILL chose the "technically correct but now the buildings on fire" option EVERY SINGLE TIME. And you are running out of fire extinguishers.
Because it is dumb.
Very, VERY No Brain, Just Goo, Dumb.
And THIS Goo has a life to save. A Halfa too maintain in Peak Performance(tm). Because THIS Goo is VERY smart Goo(according only to itself) and TOTALLY knows what it's doing! Damaged meat bits? Oh that's EASY! You just FIX that! Replace with meat bits! See? It's BRILLIANT Goo. 10 out of 10 stars, me!
Small problem.
The instructions have been damaged.
PANIC.
Wait! No! We got this! We are Very Smart Goo(tm). And have Space Powers. This is FINE. We'll... we'll just FIX the instructions! Hand me a hammer! If we smash enough bits together, it'll sort? Of look right? Close ENOUGH? Yeeeeeah. We're GENIUS Goo~
Use THAT!
But where did they GET their ill begotten DNA? Well OBVIOUSLY the place all the OTHER DNA they had was stored, DUH? Keep up, says the Goo with literally no braincells making horrifying choices for an unconscious man. It's Earth.
As in... the planet.
It's not even HIS planet. It's AN Earth. A Planet CALLED "Earth" that dwells in the DC universe, not his, and is covered with ZERO(0) Fentons but plenty of superhumans and aliens. THAT planet.
The Goo grabbed the Very BESTEST Meat Instructions it could FIND! The Goo is also a collective and did not AGREE on what the "Best" WAS. But it's... okay, no, I can't lie to you, it is NOT fine.
But thankfully it IS stable.
Because Ectoplasm may be dumb and indiscriminate as super-bacteria with a flamethrower, but it is a MASTER at the jigsaw of Life. It can reanimate ANYTHING.
Including the now SINGLE MOST CHIMERAD MAN you've ever SEEN. Who is he related too? YES. His left knee is Kryptonian, the fingers on his right hand are Tameranian, his skin tone has shifted to the most ambiguously multi-ethnic tone imaginable (think that future of humanity mock up, where they combine every ethnicity on the premise that inter-racial marriage will becoming increasingly common up to the point where we all just kinda look averaged out thanks to the ease of travel) because it's trying to do all of them at once and none of them are willing to back down, because all of them got the instructions "Be Skin". He might have Slade Wilson's cheek bones and hair.
Danny wakes up and basicly is half Ectoplasmic Goo, half the extended Super Community.
AND CANT GET BACK HOME TO FIX IT.
Because of course this IS fixable. It's just medical shape-shifting. But without HIS template, undamaged. His body is REFUSING to change from what is OBVIOUSLY the CORRECT form. And he keeps getting clocked as "probably related to me".
With the Fenton Luck kicking in? The parts of him people manage to swab and/or get DNA from? Keep MATCHING them. Danny doesn't know WHO is behind this but-! *spots a giggle child with a cat* !!!!!!
You.
Klarion you little SHIT!
So now he's wearing a face that's BARELY his, running from very determined superhumans who want to parent him, trying to steal enough technology to build a portal. AND vowing to kick the witch boy's ASS.
This ISNT FUNNY, KLARION.
His body is Frankenstein's FEVER DREAM! Every time he gets hurt, it tries to "FIX" itself! He lost a chunk of his should back there and HIS ENTIRE BODY CHANGED SKIN TONES. He's pretty sure if he SITS funny, his teeth might fall out and regrow POINTY! He's handing you over to WALKER you horrible little gremlin child!
Just? Take the "Danny is related to X" and "Danny is sick" and turn them uuuuup. Make EVERYBODY concerned except Danny. This is just another fucked up adventure in a long string of fucked up adventures. Give him his DNA back. If he has to suffer the Fenton Luck then he should AT LEAST get to keep the Fenton "built like a tank"!
*gets hit again*
*is GREEN now for some reason* The fuck?
Garfield, aka Beast Boy: I HAVE A CLONE SON!?
Danny: Zone DAMN IT not another one!
@ailithnight @hdgnj @nerdpoe @the-witchhunter
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sanguineterrain · 8 months
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Feel like I’m so basic but Jason Todd with a crush and him having zero social skills and just being super clumsy despite being highly competent when he’s in the field. Crush is like real sweet and kind maybe a service worker ✨
anon u are so true and real for this bc jason is definitely an unsocialized cat when he has a crush 💓
jason todd x gn!reader. shyish/anxious jason with a big fat crush. baker reader. annoying customer. the duality of jason todd. 1.6k words.
also i fully believe that silently leaving huge tips as a way to flirt is like. a wayne trait. 100% that family does that bc of bruce.
prompt lists are here! i reblog all fics to @sanguinelibrary
****
Business has been slow.
It's not like you expect your cafe to be packed to the rafters all day long, but you've had a grand total of four customers today. One of them only came in to ask where Starbucks was.
Frankly, you're not sure the cafe can afford to stay afloat for much longer. Gotham isn't known to preserve small businesses, and the conglomerates (cough, Wayne Enterprises) are taking over the world anyway.
So today is a reading day. You might even close early.
You're at a table in the back, so absorbed in Poirot's sleuthing that you don't hear the door open. It isn't until you turn the page and look up that you see your resident lurker waiting quietly at the display case. You flinch so hard that you spill iced tea on your jeans.
"Shit," you murmur, grabbing a wad of napkins and patting yourself dry.
Jason (as is written on his coffee cup) looks up from the pastries, teal eyes wide. You smile briefly at him. For such a big guy, his footsteps are astonishingly soft.
"Is everything okay?" he asks, voice rough like he doesn't speak much.
"Yeah, fine. You just startled me—I didn't hear you come in. Were you waiting long? Sorry about that."
"Oh. No, I wasn't. Sorry." He shifts weight between his feet. "You seemed pretty engrossed in your book. I didn't, uh, want to disturb you."
"Oh, hey, don't worry about that! It's literally my job to be here," you say, though you can't help but melt over how freaking sweet that is.
Jason visits you a minimum of twice a week. He's been coming for a couple of weeks. You know a whole three things about him: he's a university student, he pretty much only dresses in red or black, and he's unfairly cute.
At first, you were reasonably wary of him because it's Gotham, and he's so damn quiet. It's a little scary. You thought maybe he was an undercover spy casing the joint. Now you know he's just awkward.
"Slow day?" he asks.
"Slow year, more like. How are you? How was your exam?"
He blinks. "Exam?"
"Didn't you have an American lit exam last week?"
"Oh. Uh, yeah. Wow. Yes, I did. It was okay. Got an A."
"That's great! I knew you'd ace it."
His cheeks turn pink. Okay, you actually know four things about him: he blushes a lot.
You go to start the coffee machine. "Do you think you'll—"
"I-I have to go."
You watch, stunned, as he hurries out the door. That's when you notice the fifty dollar bill in your tip jar.
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You don't know if you should bring up yesterday. Jason's back; that probably means everything's fine, right? You're not sure if you said something wrong, though. You've gone over the interaction a hundred times since and you can't figure out why he's so skittish around you.
"Hi. Hibiscus tea, please," he says, stoic as always.
You prepare his order, yesterday's interaction still fresh in your head. You should say something, shouldn't you? Or...
"Sorry about yesterday," Jason blurts, so fast you almost miss it. "Running out, I mean. I was, uh—I forgot something."
Well. Looks like he's going to bring it up for you.
"Oh, you don't have to apologize! If I said something wrong..."
Jason shakes his head fervently. "No, God no. You're perfect."
Your eyebrows shoot up. He turns red this time.
"I mean—not perf—well, you're amazing, don't get me wrong! Except, like, what is perfect, y'know? My brother has gotten into the habit of calling everything perfection like some kind of sitcom character. Alfred will make pie, and Dick'll go, "Alfie, that was perfection." And I feel like it's such an exaggeration—"
Jason's mouth snaps closed. He rubs his forehead.
"Um, I actually have chronic foot-in-mouth disease. It gets really, stupidly bad. Sorry."
You're trying hard not to giggle. You want to smother him in frosting and take a bite.
"You're really sweet, you know that?" you say.
"I'm really not," he says with a sigh.
"Not true. Can you do me a favor?"
"Anything."
You go into the kitchen and return with your latest experiment: matcha cream puffs.
"Do you mind trying these for me? You're not allergic to anything, are you?"
Jason's shoulders hunch. "Are you sure you want my opinion?"
"Of course I'm sure," you say happily. "I trust you."
"You trust me," he repeats quietly.
"Yup!"
Jason takes a puff and bites. He starts to nod.
"It's really good. You're really—all your creations are—yeah. It's good."
You squint. "No notes? Really?"
"They're perfection, as my brother would say."
Fuck, you like him so much.
"Have another one," you say, pushing the tray towards him.
"I shouldn't—"
"Wait! I'll pack you some!" you interrupt, flitting back to the kitchen to get a Tupperware.
Jason helplessly accepts the container of puffs you shove into his hands.
"Let me pay-" he tries to say, but you shake your head.
"Nope! I won't accept payment for these. Not from my favorite customer."
"Your favorite?"
"My favorite," you confirm, grinning.
"Oh." His ears turn pink as he walks to the door, cream puffs in hand. "Uh, right. Thanks. See you tomorrow."
"Jason? Don't you want your tea?"
"Shit. Yeah." He returns to the counter and takes his drink. This he insists on paying for, so you let him, because you do have rent to pay, after all.
"So nice to see you!" you add, because the stiffness in his gait is kind of throwing you off.
He just nods, slipping out the door as quietly as he came.
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Today, Jason's in a red workout tank. You have to make the conscious effort to not ogle his arms.
"Hey, Jason!" you say cheerily.
"Hi," he says softly.
"The usual?" you ask, and he looks up in surprise.
"You know my order?"
You gently roll your eyes. "Of course I know your order, silly. Favorite customer, remember?"
"Oh." He looks away, brow furrowed. Then he turns to you and his expression smooths over. "Yes, please. Thanks."
"Sure. Give me one second? I just have to finish decorating some sugar cookies."
"Take your time," Jason says, then goes to skulk by the window.
The door is suddenly swung harder than necessary, thumping the glass.
"Hey!"
You look up from the cookies. A man in a suit is waving his phone impatiently.
"I ordered a dozen muffins. Where are they, huh?" he demands.
"Oh, right! Well, you called ten minutes ago, so they won't be ready till six, sir. Can I get you something while you wait?"
He scoffs and stomps to the counter. You almost back down, but you don't; that's exactly what these bullies want.
"This is exactly why no one eats at dinky cafes like yours. You can't even do this!" he fumes, shoving a finger in your face.
"Sir, like I said, the muffins are baking..."
"I know the city's health inspector personally," the man spits viciously. "One call, and I can—"
"Say one more word."
You blink as Jason is suddenly between you and the customer, stood at his full height. He's all muscle and broad shoulders, looming over the guy. You peek around him.
"What the fuck, man?" the angry customer squawks. "Move!"
"No, you move," Jason says, tone lethal. "Sit quietly at a table and wait for your muffins to bake. Then you can thank the nice baker for waiting on your sorry ass and you're not gonna come back. They have far more patience for entitled fucks than I do."
"Fuck you," the man spits.
Jason calmly closes the distance between them and whispers in his ear, hand like a vice around the jerk's shoulder. You watch as he turns pale, eyes growing wider.
"Sound good?" Jason asks pleasantly, all teeth. The man gapes at him.
Wow. Yeah. This is really doing something for you.
The oven dings. You go to retrieve the muffins, packing them as quickly as possible. You give him the box and the man nods.
"Thanks," he mumbles, then scurries out of the store.
Jason turns to you, and it's like looking at a completely different person.
"You okay?" he asks, posture stiff like he's still prepared for a fight.
You nod, a little dazed.
"Yeah. Wow. Jason, I... you didn't have to do that. I mean, thank you for doing it, but..."
"Hey, that guy was a jackass. And if you have trouble with him or anyone else, call me, okay?"
This side of him stuns you. If you didn't know better, you'd think he had this exchange regularly.
"Call you?" you ask, smiling. "How will I call you if I don't have your number?"
He freezes, eyes wide. "Oh. Uh. Um..."
You lean over, elbows on your counter. He watches you. You cup your hand around your mouth, pretending to divulge a secret.
"This is where you, the cute guy who frequents my struggling cafe, gives me your number."
"You think I'm cute?" he asks.
"Devastatingly so," you say, grinning.
He's quiet for a long moment. Your smile starts to dim.
"Did I read this wrong?" you ask. "If I came off too strong..."
"No!" he says a little too loud. Jason winces. "Sorry. No. I... you're... fuck, I'm not good at this. I don't even really drink tea or coffee, to be honest. I just come in to see you."
"You do?"
Jason sighs. "Yeah. Shit. That's creepy, isn't it?"
You laugh and he visibly softens.
"No, Jason," you say warmly. "It's sweet."
"So can I still ask you on a proper date? Not coffee."
You grin. "That would be perfection."
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nyxthejinx · 1 year
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Answering to this desperate cry for help
Maaan this was so much fun fr, i hope I made these bad boys justice. Also, didn't know what kind of format I should be using and especially how to repost the original thing, since copying and pasting on the reblog would be absolute hell rip
𝐓𝐖: people biting each other but in an affectionate way, idk lemme know if there's more
𝐅𝐭.: Dottore, Xiao, Childe - GN!Reader
𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 1.1k (in total)
𝐋𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨: 3rd Made in Abyss soundtrack - Kevin Penkin (yes, it's that good, no comment)
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𝐃𝐨𝐭𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐞
OHOO he's gonna be so intrigued by this weird habit of yours.
We all know he's not big on social interactions and all -he barely values human life- but when you came into the picture he felt invested in someone for the first time. Hence he observes... Normal people, to learn the basics.
He's smart, a quick learner. Will understand in no time your likes and dislikes, but one day you?? Bite him? Chomp like a feral newborn kitten? Oh, his scholar personality spikes through the roof.
Dottore's never seen anyone bite their partner like you do, it confuses him at first, although he won't say anything and just chuckle. He'd rather observe you and come to his own conclusions before asking.
Was it a one time thing? When, how and where do you like to do it? Is there a deeper meaning, a show of intimacy? Need for attention? Affection?
Yeah he'll treat it like a maths equation, that's how he is.
Some days you'd see him without his mask, leaning particularly close to your face. Other times he'd set his gloves aside and let his digits linger on your cheeks and jaw for every little thing. (He knows he’s difficult to bite because of his clothes)
"Oh Dear, look at your lips, they're chapped/full of crumbs/smeared with any other kind of food/every single excuse he can come up with."
It takes you a bit longer than you would've wanted, but you realise his true intentions eventually. If you feel smug you can just chomp on him randomly and see him lose his mind (he thought he'd figured everything out rip dottore.exe).
I advise against it though, he'd repay the torture tenfold. (aka not cuddle with you even if you ask nicely).
Overall, Dottore finds this habit of yours cute. You're a nice little, innocent thing in his eyes and that just adds to your charm.
Yeah you can be a 1.90m tall menace of a person and he'd still tease you, an arrogant, mean jerk >:(
After some time he starts biting you back (ouch shark teeth), not in a painful way ofc. He's so casual with it, most likely to strike when you least expect it just to see your surprised and/or flustered face.
Or to have you chomping in return, even ;)
I'd say 7.5/10, good chomping partner but will "fight" back.
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𝐗𝐢𝐚𝐨
My guy, poor guy.
He's another social inept, we all know why.
He started to learn about human customs after meeting you, and you've helped him out a lot, but he's still so stiff.
He probably gets a heart attack every time you give him a surprise hug. The day you chomp on him his soul leaves his body.
It's not that he's a scaredy cat, physical touch just overwhelms his senses if he's not prepared :((
Asks you to tell him beforehand next time.
But aside from that he doesn't seem to mind. He finds every human custom weird in a way, this one is no exception, and eventually it becomes routine yeah?
I think he's a perfect subject for chomping, with all the exposed skin he has. I mean, look at his shoulders! The urge to sneak up from behind and just CHOMP.
He's got muscles for days too, won't shatter your teeth on his bones. AND HIS CHEEKS- his baby cheeks, they look so soft how can you not bite those.
But yeah, just give him some time and he'll get used to this.
Xiao's not stupid either, he notices right away that you're the only human partaking in this activity, or in public at least. Lowkey feels happy and proud to have you as a partner, you're so special and unique :( <33
At some point he'll want to try it out as well, but he's sooo shy about it and a bit scared he'll hurt you. You gotta make him confess with bone crushing hugs.
When he eventually chomps back he's UGHH so soft with it. For Xiao it's more about the meaning and the bonding experience than the chomp itself.
9/10 if you're fine with doing all the chomping. 8/10 if you want chomps back, but definetly recommended.
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𝐂𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐝𝐞
Run. RUN. RUN FOR YOUR CHEEKS' LIFE.
He is THE chomping menace.
Let me tell ya, you're putting your life on the line. It's like a declaration of war and he will not hesitate to respond with all he's got.
We know for a fact that he's always up for a challenge. If you're crazy enough to engage and bite him first, well I hope you have a survival plan for the rest of your life cus he won't stop.
It can and will escalate in a "fight" if you're in a private space (you know the tickle fights where you become a mess of tangled limbs? That.) If you try that in public though? He's gonna look at you like a damn predator.
He'll eat your cheeks once you get home, good luck.
His bites are rough-ish too, unfortunately for you. He’d never hurt you on purpose, and is always careful with his strength, but in the heat of battle he’ll forget; 7 times out of 10 you leave the field with a 32 teeth bite mark. 
I think he is more of a cheek guy than anything. They're always available and easy to reach, regardless of your height, and it's also so intimate because who else touches your face? No one, aside from him.
He's the chosen one.
And don't think it will stop at the first time, no no. You've unlocked a new hobby for him. He'll put so much effort in it, it's terrifying.
If you act surprised or flustered well, bonus points in his opinion. Your face is just priceless and will make a habit to make you react that way.
At that point you either fight back or succumb. His soft spots are his stomach (duh, nibble on the exposed skin when he's in his work clothes, I bet he's ticklish), his nape, collarbones and overall the base of his neck.
The rest of his body is still a good chomping surface, but his instincts kick in and his muscles go taut, it's like biting a rock and has no effect on him.
Childe will definitely give you a hard time. It's up to you to take advantage of the right moment and give him a good revenge chomp.
Honestly, he's my fave ever but I'll give him a 5/10 just because of that. Can't even bite the man in peace anymore 🙄
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DON'T copy/repost my work. REBLOG instead! ©nyxthejinx
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suzukiblu · 6 months
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For wip Wednesday Love the vibes of “weird Kryptonian bonding rituals” especially if it’s superfam
. . . I am just gonna blame the fact that I haven't really worked on this WIP in a minute for how "write you three sentences" turned into "write you 1k", cough cough.
Clark gets into Superman's suit and leaves the Daily Planet building at inadvisable speed, probably, but manages not to break the sound barrier anywhere too obvious, he thinks. He follows the sound of that thrumming heartbeat and voice, and finds himself blocks and blocks away, hovering in the air a few hundred feet above a food truck being operated by a woman with dark skin and bright pink hair in her mid-twenties, and the single customer standing on the sidewalk in front of it as assorted civilians pass by in one's and two's.
The single customer is the thrumming heartbeat's owner, and he's about fifteen or sixteen, with pale skin and dark curly hair and bright and eager and inhumanly blue eyes behind a pair of round sunglasses. He's wearing a loose-fitting black leather jacket and heavy black boots and a tight bodysuit, all blue and black and red and yellow and with the exact same "S" on its chest as the one Clark's wearing himself.
The kid looks up, takes one look at Clark, and absolutely lights up.
Clark feels several very new and strange feelings, then charges straight down into the kid and sends them both skidding into the empty street. Hitting him, touching him, is like . . .
Clark barely even remembers to be careful, but the instinct is ingrained too deep to ignore even as they crash into the pavement together.
And then the kid laughs delightedly and throws him off.
Actually throws him.
Clark comes to a stop twenty feet up in the air, blinks down at the kid still beaming up at him, and then bolts back down and smashes him into the pavement again.
"Shit!" the food truck worker shrieks in alarm. "Don't hurt him, Superman, he's just a kid!"
Clark . . . pauses, then looks up from said kid that he is currently pinning into the street as he struggles underneath him.
"'Hurt him'?" he asks in reflexive confusion, and then realizes how batting a teenager around like a person-shaped cat toy and pinning him to the street hard enough to crack it probably actually looks to an outside observer.
. . . um.
Whoops.
"Um," he starts awkwardly, and then the kid slips his pin while he's distracted and throws his arms around his neck with a gleeful laugh and a bright grin.
"Dad!" he crows triumphantly, and hugs Clark harder than literally anyone has ever hugged him before, except maybe, like, Ivo in the fullest and most vicious version of his Parasite suit while trying to crush him to death. It's . . . kind of adorable. Although also Clark can't really breathe very well now. "I found you! Hi, hi, I totally found you!"
"You did," Clark agrees reflexively and slightly out-of-breath-ly, patting the kid's back as he shoots the food truck worker and the several other staring civilians back on the sidewalk all an apologetic smile. "Sorry, ma'am, didn't mean to worry you. We're just playing."
"Oh my god so there was this lab and these doctors and they were all such jerks so I maybe kinda just broke everything and I guess maybe that was bad but they all sucked and they deserved it, I promise, I hope they all lost all their data and their personal files and their customization settings when I smashed up their stupid computers and stuff," the kid half-rants, hanging off Clark like a super-strong but also undeniably floating koala, and Clark straightens up and pats his back again as he listens to his excited and also-adorable ramblings. The way the kid talks actually reminds him of a much younger kid, oddly–even younger than Flip and the rest of the newskids, despite his appearance–but that doesn't exactly hurt the "adorable" impression. "Also there were some really annoying guys who were bothering the way cool chick in the truck over there so I threw them in a dumpster but did you know chili fries were a thing because they are so good, seriously, you should get some!"
"Are you asking me to buy you more chili fries, kid?" Clark asks wryly, and the kid somehow finds a way to perk up even more.
"I mean, no, but if you wanna . . ." he mentions, grinning hopefully.
"Two orders of chili fries please, ma'am?" Clark requests, sparing the food truck worker another smile. "If it's not too much trouble."
"Yesssss," the kid cackles delightedly, hanging heavier off his neck again as he somehow actually manages to hug him tighter. The food truck worker stares at them both for a moment, then reaches for an empty fry basket.
"Uh, sure," she says slowly. "No problem. Uh. Sorry, Superman, but do you . . . have a kid? Is that, like . . . what's happening here?"
"Yes," Clark replies reflexively, patting the kid's head.
. . . wait, that's not–
Then the kid beams at him again and nope, never mind, apparently that is right, he guesses he's just a dad now. Oh no, he and Jimmy are gonna need a bigger apartment, and Clark really hates apartment-hunting and doesn't even know how he's gonna afford his half of a bigger apartment, though at least he knows Jimmy can after selling Flamebird so he guesses that's something, and besides, what, is he gonna make his kid sleep on the couch? No way. The kid can have his bunk, heck, he'll sleep on the couch 'til they can sign a new lease or something. At least he's not an intern anymore, that's been a bit of a financial improvement, so that'll help.
". . . well okay then," the food truck worker says. "How do you even age, are you–um. I'm just . . . gonna make those both double orders, then. No charge. Congrats on, uh . . . congrats? Like, fifteen years late, apparently, but congrats."
"Thank you," Clark replies politely, smiling at her again as he walks over to her truck, the kid still happily hanging/floating off him. "We can pay, though, that's really not necessary."
"Dude. My dad would literally fire me if I ever made Superman pay for freaking chili fries," she says feelingly. "Like. Fire me so hard. Unto our family's next three generations, would he fire me."
"Thank you," Clark repeats, still smiling at her, then pulls a couple of twenties out of his belt and tucks them into her tip jar. Only seems decent, he thinks.
"Oh my god how are you even real," the food truck worker mumbles under her breath as she drops both double-orders of fries into the fryer.
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undreaming-fanfiction · 3 months
Text
For A Handful of Bandaids
This is my entry for SpicySixWinterFanworksChallenge organized by the lovely @thefreakandthehair.
“Hey Steve, do you know where we’ve got some bandaids?”
In hindsight, Eddie should have known that a simple question like that would never prompt a simple response from his boyfriend. Steve was many things - brave, loyal, a great cook, wonderful in bed, but most of all - he tool Eddie’s well-being very seriously. He was a raging bull whose red flag was anything related to health, injury, sickness or danger, no matter how small.
Well. Not really raging. More like anxious, caring and always ready to whip out half of a pharmacy.
So of course, the answer wasn’t “they’re in the second drawer,” nope.
Instead, Steve stood up, grabbed Eddie by his shoulders and started checking him for injuries. “Eddie, are you hurt? Did someone in town attack you again? Shit, I thought things’ve calmed down, did you recognize them?”
It would have been hilarious if Eddie hadn’t hated making Steve worried.
He reached for Steve’s hands, still on his shoulders, and put on his most persuasive voice. “Steve, baby, I swear I’m fine! No attacks, no black eyes, no broken bones. I’m completely fine!” He even grabbed his collar and moved it to the side so Steve could check. “See? No strangulation marks. Uh...no new strangulation marks, post-bat.”
Steve seemed to be calming down, good. Fantastic. “So...” he said slowly, “...you don’t need them for yourself? Did one one of the kids get hurt? Wayne?”
Eddie really wanted to punch himself in the face now. Why hadn’t he spent those five extra minutes looking for the bandaids himself?!
“No. Look, Steve. I need them for myself, but for something small. Something very very VERY tiny. I just made a not-so-ideal decision and now I want to treat the consequences.”
Steve’s eyes narrowed and his stare traveled directly into Eddie’s soul. “Eddie. What. Did. You. Do?”
“...I think it would be easier to show you.”
---
In another hindsight, it would have been easier to tell Steve. If Eddie thought seeing the crime scene would calm his boyfriend down, he was dead wrong.
Steve’s eyes traveled over the destruction. Eddie’s books, neatly arranged on bookshelves that morning, were now lying everywhere. The books from the bookcase didn’t fare any better - except the bookcase was now lying on them, over their bed. Speaking of the bed, the plant that they saved from a local dumpster and nurtured back to health? That plant was now depotted over Eddie’s pillow.
He sucked in a breath through his front teeth. “Did someone break in?”
Eddie shook his head so fast his hair became a tangled mess. “No. Nono. Steve. No one invaded our wonderful home. No one damaged our property. I mean, someone did, but it was...very much deserved.”
“Eddie. Explain. Now.”
“Oh yeah. Sure. Will do. Um...how long a version do you want?”
“Concise.”
“Right. In short - Ozzy did this.” Noticing Steve’s disbelieving stare, Eddie quickly added: “But I deserved it. Totally.”
Steve sat down onto the single clean and empty spot on their bed. “Are you telling me that our cat knocked over a full bookcase?”
Eddie had the decency to look guilty. “Oh no, that was me.”
“I take back the “concise” request. Tell me everything. Step by step.”
“Right.” Eddie’s eyes darted between each aspect of the crime scene, trying to put together a reasonable explanation. “So. I was sitting on the bed with Ozzy. He didn’t like something I did and decided to run away, but I was...sort of connected to him.”
“Sort of connected...?”
Eddie waved his hand. “I’ll explain. But as he was escaping, I had to go after him, because you know...connected. And he really didn’t like that. So he jumped up that bookcase and we were still-”
“-connected?” Steve didn’t seem to understand or believe any of it, but he was certainly entertained.
“Yep. So I tried to climb the bookcase and get him down.”
Steve’s palm connected with his forehead with a resounding slap. “Eddie. Do you know how physics work?”
Snorting, Eddie shook his head. “Of course I don’t, Steve. Failed high school twice, remember? But I also know your grades and because of that I dare to say - neither do you. Not that physics would have gotten Ozzy down.”
“That part is true.” Steve was grinning back at him, imagining the chaos. “So, you climbed the bookcase and it fell on you. What next?”
Eddie pointed at the sad remains of Steve’s plant. “I knew how much you love that plant, so I decided to save it. Since it was on that bookshelf. I heroically leapt from the bookcase and towards the plant, but I have miscalculated my daring rescue.”
Steve’s eyebrows did that adorable confused scrunch. “You what?”
“I jumped too fast and it fell on my head.”
“Oh.”
Eddie nodded, touching a sore spot on his nape. “Yeah. And my head gave it that extra bounce to land on the pillow. Wrong side up, I’m afraid.”
Steve reached out to the plant and picked it up, examining its leaves. “I think she’ll live. She’s a strong girl. Continue.”
“Not much more to tell,” Eddie shrugged. “Ozzy used the commotion to disconnect himself from me and darted outside. I got soil out of my hair and went to ask you for bandaids.
Steve was stroking the plant’s leaves, checking for damage. “The one thing I don’t understand is this. How didn’t I hear it happening?”
“Oh, it was much faster than it sounds. And I believe you were washing the dishes.”
“That explains it,” Steve nodded and set the plant into its miraculously unharmed flower pot. “One more question then. How were you connected?”
Eddie started chewing on his hair and looking at the ground instead of Steve. “You know...it’s almost Christmas, right?” he asked in a quiet voice. “And you love Christmas. Everyone knows you love Christmas, so...”
“Eddie. How were you connected?” he repeated slowly, carefully.
He smiled sheepishly, pulling something colorful from his pocket. “Do you know how they say that fate connects you with a red string? Something like that. The rest shall be revealed when we find Ozzy. I think he’s hiding under the sink again.”
Steve stood up and sighed the deepest sigh Eddie had heard in ages. “I have no clue where this is going,”
---
Ozzy was, as Eddie had predicted, hiding under the sink. He was hiding really well, 10/10 would not find the cat, except for the red wool that led from the corridor directly to the bathroom. And when they finally got the unhappy cat out with promises of treats and even more treats, Steve finally saw it and laughed.
“Really, this is what you did?” he asked and reached out to free Ozzy.
Despite his prompt escape, Ozzy still bore wounds from his brave fight against Eddie. Except those weren’t wounds, it was a half-unraveled red Christmas sweater. Steve thought he recognized Claudia Henderson’s work. No matter who knitted it, Ozzy obviously hated the idea.
Eddie was, just like the sweater, bright red. “See, it was nearly finished and I promised to try it on him, just to see if it fits. And when he decided he didn’t like it, which was pretty much immediately, I think one of the loose threads got caught on my rings. So...yeah.”
 Steve pulled him into a kiss and scratched Ozzy’s back, now free from the wooly prison.
“You really thought you could get that sweater on our cat? You’re adorable. I’ll get those bandaids.”
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hyunsvngs · 2 months
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I have an idea for an a/b/o-adjacent/hybrid au fic?
okay so imagine: bunny hybrid reader who is getting increasingly frustrated by their sexual partners. everyone has heard the phrase ‘fuck like rabbits’ and they are especially tired of it. like yes, it’s true, bunny hybrids have a higher sex drive. and while their partners are always excited about this fact, they always end up disappointed. they all tap out before poor bunny!reader is fulfilled, so this phrase is a blessing and a curse for them. lots of people are interested in fucking them, but none of their encounters are ever what they need.
now cue bunny!changbin with the same problem, except he’s a bit nicer than bunny!reader and always lies to his partners about getting his fill as to not hurt any egos. but he is perpetually blue-balling himself because his partners always get totally fucked out before he’s really fulfilled. and on one hand he’s a little proud because his partners always get off at least, but he’s getting desperate.
they both, separately, confide in kitty!felix who lends a sympathetic ear while secretly plotting how he’s going to help his horny bunnies find each other. and he finally decides that he wouldn’t mind being there to lend a helping hand (he’s tried helping them both tbh but even his high libido can’t compare with them). so we get binlixreader threesome, where the bunnies get to play with felix before fucking each other. felix gets fucked out (of course) and resigns to curling up in a blanket and sipping some water while the bunnies are left to entertain each other.
and it’s going really well because by this point they’re quite comfortable with each other, and both so horny out of their minds that they just want to get on with it. and they are literally just fucking, like desperately riding each other through multiple orgasms and into overstimulation. but they both need it so bad and don’t want to stop. and even though they’re horny animals, binnie is still a gentleman so he has to check in like: “are you good? do you need a break?” and reader is thinking ‘oh no, this is it’ but is like “yeah, I’m fine. do you need a break?” and bin is like “no no, this is so good. like, please tell me when you want to stop but also I can’t imagine stopping right now” and reader is like “oh perfect, same. like don’t push yourself, but also just keep fucking me please”
so felix is just like, there (lol) waiting for them to tire each other out. he takes a nap, eats a snack, has a shower. the bunnies with their crazy low refractory periods probably have less than a minute breaks before they’re on top of each other again. felix eventually just leaves them be until they finally finish, then he comes in and makes them hydrate and quickly wipes them clean. and both of them are insatiable for another reason now, because they’re super sleepy and fucked out. so they whine and beg for felix to cuddle them and he’s like “oh my god, you’re both so needy” but does end up wedged between them while he coaxes them into eating snacks and pets their floppy ears. and he’s like “that was hot, but you two need to learn some self-control. do you know what time it is?” and they’re both like “mh-hm, m’okay, kisses please” 
and felix sighs and just decides to let his bunnies rest while he handles all the aftercare. which sort of ties into actual animal behavior, because cats view themselves as the dominant one when they groom other animals but rabbits view themselves as the dominant one when they’re being groomed. but anyway, felix continues to take care of his bunnies whenever they need him and they are also happy to dote on him when he needs a bit of love
anyway, byyyye (🌨️ anonnie)
HOLY FUCK
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celestialwhoree · 2 months
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how about a reader x simon riley but reader has a big family. im talking 4 brothers and 2 sisters type shit. loving parents and a pet dog or cat for whoever still lives in the house. i already planned out backstories and stuff but i wanna see your take on this
this is so cute baby, but I'm like the least qualified person to write this I've got no siblings, although I do have two dogs, a cat and a horse.
I feel like, for Simon, he really doesn't want to meet readers family at first. His own were ripped away from him and he still struggles to accept that he'll never het them back.
But, for his partner, he'll do anything, even if that means going and staying with their family at their massive farm for a week, then that's what he'll do.
Obviously, they warn him well in advance of their hectic family, tell him that if it gets too much at any point to just tell them and they'll take a breather, maybe book a hotel for the night, or hell, even sleep in the barn like they did when their siblings fought.
Upon arrival, Simon's first thought is just how homey readers childhood home is. A big converted barn with a wraparound porch and a woman sat on the swing in the shade with a baby on her hip and a collie at her feet.
Reader perks up immediately, running to their sister and their niece, being wrapped up in a huge hug, the type that Simon (although he'll never admit) will always miss.
Reader will give Simon, who looks like a lost puppy, a little nod to join them, and readers sister already has him in a bone crushing hug, surprising for a woman of her size, and one holding a baby at that.
"Si! This is my sister Cassie, and her daughter Emmeline." Reader'll muse, squishing the tiny toddlers cheeks between their fingers, before pottering inside with an "We're home!" We're.
Reader's parents are equally as welcoming, and their two brothers also take a total shine to Simon, asking if he's ever Benn quad biking or if he wants to play paintball.
The lot of them come in covered head to toe in fluorescent blue paint, all except for Simon, who just stands there smugly, giving reader a little wink like his paintball skills are some strange attempt at wooing them.
Mealtimes are always wonderful, despite the ruckus of all - however many there are - of them.
Simon also learns where reader got their cooking skills from, and their mom is constantly plying him with inordinate amounts of food.
He also perpetually has to look at where he's walking, lest he step on a cats tail or dogs paw or kids toy.
He and reader spend their days laying in the sun and picking vegetables for their mom to cook with, taking the dogs for a walk or babysitting their siblings kids.
Simon realises, perhaps for the first time in his life, that just because he had one family taken away, it doesn't mean that he doesn't deserve another.
⊹˚. ౨ৎ
Did not mean for this to go in the direction that it went in but oh well !
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swordcreature · 4 months
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How do you think the tieflings would react to hidden piercings like bellybutton and nipple rings or tattoos that wouldn’t be visible like under the breasts or along your spine 👀👀
let me tell you. thinking about this prompt had me feelin some sort of way.
i need to stop working on stuff right before bed because then i'm always up thinkin' about tieflings. oh well
ty for the request i love the low key horny energy of it!!
Dammon, Rolan, & Zevlor - Hidden Piercings & Tattoos
contains sexual content MDNI/18+
How the tiefling boys react to hidden piercings and tattoos
Dammon: 
I think Dammon would be very upfront about the fact that he likes tattoos and piercings. He likes his partner having a little bit of metal in them and a little ink on their skin.  
You may find that he has a couple piercings himself that aren’t immediately noticeable with his clothes on.  
He admires the artistry of it all, the way the body becomes a living piece of art. But of course, it’s different when it’s art that pretty much only he gets to see.  
When he finds out that you have any secret piercings or tats, he’s instantly turned on, the kind of turned on where his tail is flicking back like a cat about to pounce. And he is sure ready to pounce.  
Because the second they’re revealed, he’s all over them. His favorite thing is nipple piercings; he loves to tug on them until you’re almost too sore to handle it.  
But he’s also not above worshiping some ink with his tongue. His favorite hidden spot for tattoos is anything near or on the ass. Mostly because he likes the way it feels when he sinks his teeth into the soft skin there.  
Rolan: 
Rolan strikes me as the kind of guy that prides himself on being very formal and clean cut, so he’s not used to body modifications like piercings and tattoos. Except for maybe earrings because of how common they are.  
So he’s totally shocked when you lift your shirt, and he realizes that you have tattoos and piercings. It’s not a bad shock by any means – he gets flustered immediately.  
His face turns red before it even registers in his head that he finds these things attractive, his body just instinctively responds to them. It doesn’t take him long to figure out why his cock is so hard though. 
After that he can’t help himself. He’s curious about how his tongue would feel running over the cold metal in your bellybutton, or if your skin feels any different along your ribs where you’re inked.  
If you have anything pierced below the belt, he might just faint from the lack of blood going to his head.  
 But he can’t pick a favorite because every single one makes him lose his mind with arousal, so it’s hard to decide.  
Zevlor: 
I think Zevlor has an old military tattoo somewhere on him. But he’ll only show you his if you show him yours first – and only if you two are close and you feel comfortable with that, of course.  
He’s a bit more old fashioned than the other two bachelors, so you might think he’s the least into piercing sand tattoos, but you’d be wrong.  
He loves the secrecy of it, knowing that he gets to see what no one else does. It turns him on to no end.  
But he also enjoys the story behind them. When he’s done exploring every inch of your body and what may decorate your skin there, he wants to know why you have what you have. Is there a reason? Is it symbolic, cultural? Did it hurt? Why did you get it where most people would never see it? 
His favorite piercing is a belly button ring, not for any other reason than it makes you look sensual. As for tattoos, well, he loves when there is a path of markings to follow down your lower stomach to where he plans to sink between your legs.
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piratefalls · 5 months
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another long list, except it's a day early because this is how i give thanks.
list one. list two. list three. list four. list five.
No Sense or Sensibility by inexplicablymine
“When and where was your first kiss.” Oh shit. The thing is… Alex actually has an answer to this one, it’s just a matter of admitting that it happened. ____________________ Kennedy’s. 7pm, Pub Quiz and Ice Cream. Every Monday ‘til death due us part. Alex liked his little routine, until Derryl got it in his head to host The goddamn Newlywed Game instead.
I'm Rememberin' I Promised (to Forget you Now) by Angelwithwingsoffire
It's been six years since Alex Claremont-Diaz graduated law school. And he's made a good life for himself, working with a firm he enjoys and making a difference in the world. Until a part of his past he'd thought he'd gotten over seven years ago walked back into his office asking for his help. To get a divorce. Which Alex has never done before. But he's never been able to say no, and he's willing to put his heart back under the bus for the chance at one more smile.
Rogue's Gallery by OrchidScript
Loathe as Alex was to admit it, Henry Fox was going to be a legend someday. He already was in the bureau depending on who was answering. Tied to art theft, jewel theft, one or two little sweet confidence schemes, and an alleged counterfeit Super Bowl ring, but caught on three counts of art forgery, the blond Brit had run circles around the Art Crimes division for six years. He was quick, smarter than the average bear, and more detail-oriented than a nuclear chemist. He had a penchant for nice suits, silk ties, and gin tonics with lime. He wrote letters to agents in taunting poetry, tucking them under windshield wipers or posting them to the office directly. Once, he managed to drop one directly into the pocket of a plainclothes officer without them seeing his face. _____________________ Henry Fox is a famous art forger, and Alex is the FBI agent who caught him three years ago. When one of Henry's aliases comes up attached to a new case, can the two put aside their cat-and-mouse past to put the copycat away?
Queer little ducks hold a special place in my heart. by anarchyat4am
Henry’s at a local Hispanic Heritage Month event browsing the art stalls when his gaze catches on a kid looking around with both purpose and nervousness. She’s fidgeting with the hem of her t-shirt with one hand while she bites the nails of the other one, eyes alert and searching. Lost, then. And oh, Henry recognises her. She’s a regular at his bookstore, even at only six years old, and is there at least weekly with her dad—Alex, who she’d introduced to Henry as her papi—or various aunties and uncles, most of whom Henry doesn’t think are actually related to her. Keeping one eye on her, he lets his gaze sweep the vicinity but doesn’t see anyone else he even remotely recognises. Shit. He has to do something. “Sirena?” he calls gently. * Henry... is more than a bit useless around hot guys. So when he finds the lost kid of the gorgeous dad who frequents his bookstore, he pulls himself together until they reunite, only to then be devastated by the revelation that the man thinks Henry hates him. And, well... courage always rises, and all that.
just say you won't let go by viciouslyqueer
After dancing around each other for months, Alex and Henry finally get together. The morning after comes with a slight misunderstanding and comforting words.
We were supposed to find this by kiwiana
Still, half an hour after shaking Prince Henry’s hand for the first time, he finds himself back in his hotel room with one shoe and sock hurriedly tugged off and his right foot resting on his left knee. Just to check. Just in case Alex is somehow, by some miracle, about to become the first documented case of Surprise! You Can Totally Have A Different Soulmate, We Fucked Up And Your One Kind Of Sucks. No such luck. The words are the same as they’ve always been, etched into his skin in a careful, calligraphic font. The kind of handwriting someone might have if, for example, they came from the sort of family that valued tradition and etiquette far higher than letting their children write like normal human beings.
Sit. Down. Please Stay. by politics_and_prose
Alex adopts a dog he found abandoned on the side of the road. She's nervous and he wants to make sure he knows how to give her the best life possible. Enter Henry Fox and his beagle David.
muscle memory by stutteringpeach
It's been ten years since Alex was in London to stage a PR friendship with Henry after ruining the royal wedding. It's also been ten years since Alex dropped to his knees in front of Henry in a Kensington Palace kitchen. But now Henry's in the Hamptons for the summer, and who should he bump into? None other than Alex Claremont-Diaz, who happens to be working in New York all summer long.
The Perils of Midsomer Residency by clottedcreamfudge
"I'm sure I don't need to tell you that care should be taken, given the Mountchristens' local influence?" Liam nods. "Sir." Luna then turns to Alex. "Do not piss anyone in that family off." Alex throws his hands in the air. "So many aspersions have been cast on my good character this morning that I could start a fucking farm. An aspersions farm." Luna narrows his eyes. "Correction," he says, "have another coffee and then do not piss anyone in that family off. Don't make me regret fast-tracking you through the ICI Development Programme." * After getting shot in the line of duty back in Texas, June forces Alex into a change of scenery. Because how much can really be going on in the quaint little English county of Midsomer?
something that feels like forever by dearestalez
“You’re crying,” she pointed out. Alex choked on a laugh, wiping his eyes. “I’m just-” he sniffed, holding her so delicately Henry felt herself melt into the touch. “I’m so happy for you, baby.” — alex and henry are so in love it makes me want to rip out my heart and stomp on it but slash pos
behind brick walls by weather_stained
After Henry and Alex move in together, it takes quite a while for them to fully adjust to their newfound freedom. Alex very much enjoys watching Henry grow more comfortable in his own skin after a lifetime of looking over his shoulder.
It's a (Birth)date by Celaestis
5 times Henry is oblivious that they're dating and 1 time he isn't.
Save a Horse, Ride a Princess by affectionatelyrs
“I have to say, this is all quite literal, don’t you think?” Alex wouldn’t know literal right now if it hit him in the head. “Huh?” Henry points at Alex: “Pillow Princess,” and then to himself: “Cowboy. Ready to ride and all that.” Alex nods dumbly. “Right.” - Or, Alex and Henry dress up as the ultimate couples costume for Halloween — themselves — and they both feel some kind of way about it
baby boy by smc_27
It starts as a joke. Alex taking the piss about how much money Henry has. How he could have anything he wanted, from anyone he wanted, if only he just asked.
My Songs Know Secrets You're Sick of Keeping by ma_lark_ey, paythe_piper
"How about this," Alex offered, "If I win AOTY, I announce Henry and I in my acceptance speech. If I don't, we do it your way." OR: Alex is a world famous pop punk star, Henry is still the Prince of England, and the public is onto them.
Au Naturel by cmere
The French doors leading to the office are thrown open, so he has a moment to take in the scene in front of him: Alex, lying on his stomach on the floor, feet kicked up and crossed at the ankle, surrounded by books, papers, and two open laptops. None of that, however, catches Henry's attention as much as Alex's hair, secured in a small, messy knot on top of his head with nothing but a single wooden chopstick. Henry blinks rapidly several times. "Alex," Henry says, somehow hoarse. Alex's head whirls around. There's a single, perfectly curled tendril over the apple of his cheek; his scruff has hit the mystical, magical point where it's more soft beard than prickly shadow; his reading glasses sit atop his adorable nose; and Henry realizes with sudden gravity that he's not entirely in control of his physical responses anymore—something has to give. Alex hasn't really been bothering with some of his usual upkeep, and Henry is kind of extremely into it.
You deserve my love by whateveridk
“I’ll leave as soon as you tell me to." Henry had turned towards him, stealing himself, sticking his chin out, and said “leave.” Alex has been picking up the pieces ever since. Two years later, living with Nora and June in NYC, it still haunts him, but it's fine. Whatever, he is fine. And then... Breaking News: Prince Henry comes out as gay So it's not fine, Alex is not fine.
sex ed in 6 steps by coffeecatsme
“Please tell me you used a condom, Fox,” Alex drawls out, leaning against the wall, and Henry chokes on his next breath.“Excuse me?”“You’re gonna tell me all about this tomorrow, but for the love of God, tell me you used a condom and we won’t have mini Henrys on campus anytime soon.” Or, 5 times Alex thinks Henry's straight and 1 time he finds out the truth. Or, 5 times Alex jokes about Henry's sex life and 1 time he gets to be a part of it.
More Than A Makeover by everwitch
The Fab Five—Alex, June, Nora, Liam and Spencer—descend on a New York based shelter for disenfranchised queer youth to give the place a much needed makeover. As the week progresses, sparks start to fly between Alex, the culinary representative of the queertastic quintet, and Henry, the sweetly charming founder of the shelter. It’s a deeply emotional week full of unexpected realizations, and certainly a week that strengthens Henry’s friendship with Pez in ways that neither of them quite knew they needed. As the week comes to a close and the Queer Eye team say their goodbyes, it remains to be seen what will become of the warm connection between Alex and Henry. Will it last, or was it too much of a perfect miracle to ever grow into something real?
The Royal Wedding by DracoWillHearAboutThis
HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS PRINCE HENRY OF WALES AND MR ALEXANDER CLAREMONT-DIAZ ARE ENGAGED TO BE MARRIED HM Queen Mary is delighted to announce the engagement of Prince Henry to Mr. Alexander Claremont-Diaz. The wedding will take place in the Spring or Summer of 2025, in London. Further details about the wedding date will be announced in due course.  Prince Henry and Mr. Claremont-Diaz became engaged earlier this week during a private holiday in Paris. Prince Henry has informed The Queen and other close members of his family. Prince Henry has sought and received the blessings of Mr. Claremont-Diaz's parents.  The couple will live in Nottingham Cottage at Kensington Palace. 
A Toast to the Night by allmylovesatonce
Henry looks up from his drink and swears his jaw drops. Standing in front of him is one of the most beautiful men he’s ever seen. From his dark brown curls to the way his deep eyes gleam as he stands there, an awkward smile on his face. Henry is nearly sure this man is going to ask for his seat. He probably has some woman with him, scouring for a place to sit. “Uh, hi,” the man says. “Hi.” “Look, this is really awkward,” he says and Henry feels the confirmation in his gut — also maybe disappointment. “My ex-boyfriend just walked in and I really don’t want to talk to him. I was wondering if I could sit here with you so that he won’t talk to me.”
That's What You Get For Waking Up in Vegas by bleedingballroomfloor
The bartender slides Alex the whiskey and shot of water before turning her attention to the person behind him. He turns around at the same time as the person speaks, “Gin and tonic” in all rounded vowels, a distinct English accent shining through, and he swears his heart stops. “Holy shit,” Alex says before he can stop the words from slipping out of his mouth. “Henry?” When Alex is celebrating June and Nora's bachelorette party in Vegas, the last person he expects to see is his ex-boyfriend Henry, who moved back to London nearly a year ago. Waking up next to him the following morning, naked and sated with a marriage certificate poking out of his pocket, he starts to wonder if he's truly over Henry.
hang on 'til the chaos is through by ShyAudacity
David is lounging on his spot at the foot of the bed when Alex comes in. He opts not to turn on the light, not wanting to disturb Henry, but then quickly finds that the light is on in their bathroom. Henry must still be getting cleaned up before bed; Alex can say hello and check on Henry when he steps out. It’s weird that he’s still up. Henry was awake well before Alex was this morning and… come to think of it, Alex can’t remember him ever coming to bed last night. Alex has only made it through the top three buttons on his dress shirt when he hears a terrifying crash come from the bathroom. Clutching his chest, he steps towards their shared bathroom, afraid to see what’s on the other side. “Henry? …H, what was-.” Alex stops short in the doorway, startled to find the love of his life in a miserable heap on the bathroom floor.
Sad Again (Don't Tell My Boyfriend) by lucy_in_the_sky
After proposing to Alex, Henry writes a letter to his father reflecting on all the moments he’ll never get to share with him. AKA Alex comforts a mourning Henry and promises to be there for him, forever and always.
monster mash by matherine
None of Henry’s answers to “Who are you supposed to be?” are particularly funny to anyone but him, especially in his inebriated state, so he’s completely given up on making any sense when the latest person asks him, someone who he assumes is yet another sorority girl in a skimpy costume from the glimpse of a cheerleading skirt he gets while they brush past him to open the fridge. “George Villiers,” he offers. “Deep cut, England,” a decidedly male voice snorts, and Henry can’t help the way his head snaps up, eyes wide.
Take it Down Low / Make Me Get High by Mags (sparklepocalypse)
“Henry,” Alex rasps wonderingly, sounding almost entranced, “I want to eat your ass.” Henry’s train of thought screeches to a halt with such force that for a moment, he thinks he might’ve had a stroke.
how did a middle-class divorcé do it? by Time_Sequence
Not really concerned, Alex watched the typing bubble appear – disappear – appear again, like Henry couldn’t quite find the words to say what it was he was thinking. Most likely, he was trying to find the perfect sarcastic quip in response. What came through made him genuinely pause. HRH Prince Dickhead💩: You complete and utter moron Then, HRH Prince Dickhead💩: Royalty can’t marry divorcees If Alex had been having a good time before, he definitely wasn’t now. - When a joking interview reveals that Alex and Nora drunkenly married ten years ago, suddenly Alex's upcoming wedding to Prince Henry is jeopardised.
discreet packaging by demigodbeautiies
“Please, please, please explain to me,” Zahra says, finally, sounding more than a little bit long-suffering. “Why I had to have the head of the Secret Service sit me down and tell me to give you a talk about avoiding bomb scares with unidentifiable packaging.”
the world watched (and the world smiled) by fangirl6202
"Oh,” Alex says finally, faintly, touching one hand to his lips. Then: “Shit.”  His mind catches up then, realizing that Henry is walking away and he doesn't even think twice. He begins to quite literally chase after him, trying to get to him before he can get away or, God forbid, try to fly back to England and ghost him.   Henry is very pointedly not looking at him, stuttering apology over apology until Alex has to quite literally throw himself in front of him to get him to stop. Alex doesn’t know what to do. But the answer is simple, isn’t it? So fucking simple.   He takes Prince Fucking Charming’s lapels into his hand and kisses him back.  Or; it's New Years, and Henry stays.
Rabbit Hole by TuppingLiberty
Some sort of non-famous au, don't worry, there's not really a plot. Alex has been going down a research rabbit hole for hours and Henry comes to rescue him.
Let Loose Your Glow by athousandrooms
“Seems like my liege was caught in a situation where he’d rather the ground swallow him whole.” Pez nods towards a spot to the side, and Alex follows his gaze. He spots Henry easily – a tall lighthouse of tousled blond hair – talking to a girl who is clearly into him. His expression looks perfectly polite, but he’s subtly leaning away, and he looks tense. So, Alex makes an impulsive decision. Whatever happens, this is going to be fun. *** Or: Alex is so very definitely straight, so pretending to be Henry’s boyfriend to get him out of an awkward situation should just be a fun little pastime - except that he doesn't really want to stop, and he has no idea why. But maybe it's okay to not think too hard and let himself go with the flow, for once.
Things I Cannot Accept by SprigsofViolets
In 2016, Ellen Claremont lost the presidential election. In 2019, Alex Claremont-Diaz is not the first son of the United States, so he’s shocked when his path crosses with Prince Henry for the first time in almost four years.
How well you play...that's up to you by happinessofthepursuit
Treacherous (adjective) guilty of or involving betrayal or deception; (of ground, water, conditions, etc.) hazardous because of presenting hidden or unpredictable dangers. Or, how to describe surgical residency in a single word. A Grey's Anatomy inspired AU.
In Accord by absoluteaudacity
Pursuant to the establishment of an ongoing relationship between The Crown and the Office of the President of the United States, the representatives of the The Queen and Her interests are authorised to establish a contract of marriage between His Royal Highness Prince Henry of Wales and Alexander Claremont-Diaz.
A Heart Even More Your Own by chaa_kiao
“Guess you’ll be writing those poems after all.” He swallows. "I should go." Henry’s mind— every part of him, really— his heart, his body, his fucking soul— is screaming at him to take it all back. To hell with the monarchy, the American presidency, damn it all. This is the man he’s spent his entire life loving and he’s throwing it away for a legacy he doesn’t give a single fuck about. He forces out a rough “I think so,” but he can’t hear it over the ringing in his ears. “I love you.” “Alex—” “I know,” Alex says. “I just had to say it.” _______ Or: Alex and Henry getting back together takes a little bit longer this time.
you are my mountain (you are my sea) by alasse
Five times Alex and Henry have important conversations in houses, and one time they have a very important conversation in a castle.
Down For the Count by LolaLand (Lola_di_Penates)
Alex came to Las Vegas to count cards, not feelings. Henry came to win it all. Is it possible to find something real in Sin City, where nearly everything isn’t as it seems? OR Goodbye reality, hello Vegas (the blackjack/poker AU).
Let Them Eat Cake by rohruh
“I wanna eat you out,” Alex’s voice comes out raspy and intrepid through the phone pressed against Henry’s ear. Henry lets out a soft whine at the admission, his breath up-ticking in synchrony with his hips as he thrusts up into his hand. “I’d like that,” he tells Alex eagerly, cradling the phone in his palm as though he could materialize Alex right there in front of him if he presses it against his ear firmly enough. “I’ve never done it to a guy before,” Alex confesses. “Is it… different from eating out a girl? I bet you’d taste so good, baby. Fuck.”
A Thousand Words by Thunder_Cakes
After that Han/Leia mural both their accounts go silent for a while. For months, actually. They’re both in therapy after Alex tried to post a selfie with June after election night and had a panic attack before he could hit “Share.” Suddenly the thought of sharing the details of his life and loved ones with the world is paralyzing. Wonder why. or: Alex, Henry and what they choose to share of their life
All for a Taste of the Honey by chamel
“So you’re telling me you’re not in favor of this plan,” Henry says eventually. “No, I’m fucking not,” Alex huffs, glaring at him. “It’s stupid and dangerous and unnecessary.” Henry cocks one perfect eyebrow at him. “You have another idea for how to get access to the room where he does his deals? The one that only ever admits Vega, his associates, and the strippers who entertain them?” (Or, an FBI agent!Stripper!Henry fic. Henry goes undercover at a strip club, and Alex has a lot of feelings about that.)
in the mood for... by carzla
Henry knows that he’s the one who said “casual”, and it had been a reminder to himself that that was all it could ever be between him and Alex. So, telling Alex that they should “make love” is probably a mistake in syntax bigger than he could safely afford. But they’re in Paris and Henry is feeling terribly, terribly maudlin.
something good and right and real by HypnosTheory
“This is pretty expensive for a high school trinket.” “Everything is bigger in Texas,” Alex jokes. Henry looks up at Alex, who’s standing with his shoulders relaxed for the first time since October. The relief of his mother’s victory has made him loose-limbed and calm, his smile easy and lovely. Henry looks down at the crown in his hands and back at Alex. He imagines the gold half-buried in Alex’s hair, heavy on the man’s brow, decadent and royal. Henry swallows, face heating, and holds the crown out to Alex. “Put it on.” -- After the election, Henry explores Alex’s childhood room. He finds trinkets of a young Alex that intrigue him, including a crown that gives him some ideas.
In His Wildest Dreams by myheartalive
Once Alex has pulled out, Henry turns over to face him. He strokes the hair softly away from his face and Alex smiles at him. “So… that happened again.” Henry leans forward and kisses him on the forehead. “Indeed.” There’s a sort of thoughtful pause, where Henry can see Alex working to pull together the right words. “I’m not sure I’ve ever seen you that… thirsty?” “Oh, bugger off,” Henry says, but he’s laughing. It’s a fair description. “No, but I mean it. You were like… urgent. It was hot.” “It felt hot. I liked waking up like that. With you up against me, trying to have your way with me.” — Set in and around the Henry bonus chapter, this is a story about Henry and Alex’s hectic schedules, family appearances etc. pulling them apart, and about what starts to happen between them, in the quiet of night: their sleeping bodies turning to each other, finding their sweet spots and opening up. And Alex and Henry learning a lot about each other in the process — Mind the tags, y'all. That particular tag features prominently and it’s a major plot point, so if that’s not your jam, just hit the back button.
until next time!
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ferris-the-wheel · 7 months
Text
m!MC x TWST characters
TW: None
You were wondering what to get your boyfriend as a gift. Obviously, you also wanted it to be a well-thought-out gift as well. You aren't good at this sort of thing. Hm......
"Maybe that will work?" You just had to make sure you caught him in his room so no one butt in.
.
.
.
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"Hey, Idia?" You opened his door, hiding his gift behind it. He turned and had a look of confusion on his face. "What are you hiding?" He asked with a suspicious tone.
"Um... I wanted to get you a gift but I couldn't think of anything to get you... except for this." You said, holding out a fluffy grey cat. It had a blue and black ribbon tied around its neck. Idia's eyes lit up, and he shot up from his gaming chair. He immediately grabbed the cat from you and started petting it.
"Aw, such a pwetty kitty, so cute!" He crooned, rubbing behind its ears and under its chin. It started purring. Idia flopped down onto his bed, cradling the cat while petting its belly.
"He's so cute! Oh, what should I name you? Hmmm...." Idia was fanboying over the cat, who was eating up the attention. "What about Gizmo?" You suggested. Idia nodded. "Gizmo it is! Oh, such a cute widdle kitty, you! Oh, who's a pwetty kitty?" Yep, he was totally obsessed.
"Oh, that reminds me, Gizmo's gonna need a litter box and stuff." You said. "I got cat food for him, and bowls. I figured that—"
"Don't worry, I'm gonna make a state-of-the-art litter box for Giz. And some toys. Ooo, maybe a cat run? Oh, yeah, I can install it on the wall!" Idia was off in his own little world now. Knowing how he was with cats, you knew that he would probably be totally tunnel-visioned for the rest of the day.
You left the room, feeling very happy with yourself. You'd never seen him so happy since you two started dating. As you walked down the hallway, you laughed to yourself, picturing Idia gaming with Gizmo on his lap.
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"Y/N...? What are you doing?" Trey stood behind you. Shit. You spun around to face him, painfully aware that his gift was being noisy in the room behind you. "Uh....."
"Y/N? What's in my room?" He asked. Your mind blanked, unable to think of an excuse. "Um... an animal." You said.
"An animal?! What animal?!" Trey asked, trying to get into his room. You blocked him. "Can you wait for five minutes?" You pleaded. Trey gave you a dubious look, but stopped trying to get past you. "Five minutes." He sighed.
. . .
"You got me... guinea pigs?" Trey said, looking at the small rodents in a cage by his bed. There were four of them in the cage. You picked up the red one. "This one's the fiestiest." You said. Trey sighed, then he smiled. "I guess I should come up with names for them." He said.
"Okay, how about this one?" You handed him the guinea pig. He held it carefully. "I'm thinking... Paprika." He said with a sheepish grin. You nodded. "And this one?" You handed him a white and beige one. "Nutmeg." He responded.
"Her?" You held up a grey one. He thought for a moment. He shrugged with a laugh. "Pepper, I guess?" You laughed as well. You held up the last one, brown and white. "Maybe... Basil?"
"Basil, then." He said. He now had all four guinea pigs swarming on his lap, squeaking and trying to climb up his arms. "I still need to buy food for them, and a water bowl or something." He said, putting Nutmeg on one shoulder and Pepper on the other. Basil settled down on his left knee, while Paprika claimed his right.
"Don't worry about all that. The food and stuff is under your bed. I came prepared." You said. Trey looked at you, surprised then said, "And this is why I love you."
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"Who's that?" Epel asked as you walked into his room. "Is it yours?" He asked. You set down the cream colored puppy on the ground. "No, it's yours." You said. He looked confused.
"I don't own a dog." He said. The small puppy bounced over to him, a purple collar with a neat red bow around its neck. "Now you do." You said, suppressing a laugh at Epel's shocked face.
"But Vil would never let me have a dog in the dorm!" He said, now looking sad. "Don't worry about that, Vil approved. He gave me the bow." You replied. "I managed to convince him that you'd listen to him more if he let you keep the dog. So you better not make me look bad." You warned him.
Epel looked at you in shock, then hurried over to you and hugged you tightly. You hugged him back for a second. "Um, Epel, I like living, but I won't be much longer if you keep hugging me so tightly." You wheezed. He was surprisingly strong.
"Eh!— Sorry!" He exclaimed, releasing you and scooping up the puppy that was prancing around his feet. "Ah reckon Ah should give ya a name." He said to the dog, not noticing his accent. "How 'bout Dixie? Maybe a bit basic, but Ah like the name. So how 'bout it, Dixie?"
Dixie yapped and started licking Epel's face and he fell backward in surprise. Dixie's tail wagged a mile a minute as Epel laughed. You saw Rook poke his head in the door, probably to see what the noise was. When he saw Epel, he smiled and disappeared.
Finally, Epel said up, Dixie romping around in circles around him. You handed Epel a leash and nodded to Dixie. "Think she wants to go on a walk?"
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You held the open box firmly as you knocked on Riddle's door. You'd made sure that the bottom of the box had something soft on it.
"Come in!" You heard his voice call, so you opened the door and stepped inside, closing it behind you. Riddle was at his desk and he looked up as you walked in. His eyes immediately went to the box. "What's that?" He asked.
"A surprise." You said, placing the box down on his desk. He looked suspiciously between you and the box, then peered over the top. He let out a yelp of surprise. "What did you do?!" He asked, holding up the hedgehog skillfully. "What did you do to the color?"
You probably should've expected this to happen. "Hold on, Riddle, don't freak out, let me explain!" You said loudly, holding up your hands. He quieted, setting the hedgehog back into the box. He crossed his arms. "It's not one of the Heartslaybul hedgehogs, I swear. I got it from a pet store. I figured that you could use some company when you're studying, so I wanted to get you a pet. Since I've heard you're good with the other hedgehogs, I figured that'd be a good choice." You hurriedly explained.
Riddle's expression changed from anger to shock in seconds. He hesitantly picked up the hedgehog again, this time looking at it with what you assumed hoped was adoration. The hedgehog snuffled around in his palm, looking for food. Riddle held it at face level. "I think I'm going to call you Button." He said to the animal.
"Button?" You inquired. He pointed to its nose. "Its nose looks like a button." Riddle stated. You couldn't help it and laughed. Riddle looked offended. "What? Do you not like the name I picked?" You backtracked quickly. "No, no, the name is fine. It's just— like you." You said. It seemed just like a name Riddle would pick out.
"Um... thank you. And I apologize for jumping to conclusions earlier." He added, an awkward look passing over his face. You smiled, waving it off. "Don't worry about it."
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"You are not giving Kalim a pet! He can barely look after himself as it is! It'll end up being me dealing with it while he plays with it. As if I need another thing added to my workload!" Jamil said sternly. You'd come across him while heading to Kalim's room.
"Oh, come on. If you just say that he'll have to get rid of it if he doesn't take care of it, he'll be just fine." You reasoned. Jamil scowled. "We both know that's not true." You frowned in return.
"Okay, well, if I tell him, he's bound to listen. After all, he'd never intentionally upset anyone, least of all me." You were grasping at straws here, trying to find something to convince Jamil not to turn your gift away. Jamil gave an exasperated sigh, turning his head.
"Actually, you're probably right about that... Fine, I'll let you give him that, but while you're telling him to take care of it, make sure to let him know that he's only allowed to throw parties once a month." Jamil said. "If he fights it, tell him it'll make his new furry friend anxious." He added with a crafty smile.
"You're certainly clever. Trying to lessen your workload, I see." You laughed, continuing on your way to Kailm's room. You knocked on the door. "Yeah, what is it?" A cheery voice called from the other side. You entered his room and set down the very heavy creature, unable to hold its weight anymore. Kalim looked over, then gave a gasp of surprise. He shot off his bed.
"Oh, such a giant bunny!" He squealed, sitting down. It sniffed his hair, probably deciding whether or not to start eating it. You dropped down on the floor beside Kalim. "Is this yours? Why didn't you tell me you had such a giant bunny?" Kalim asked. "It's actually a gift from me to you. But Jamil made sure to tell me that if you don't properly take care of it, you'll have to get rid of it." You said.
"Of course I'd take care of him— her—?" He now was confused. "It's a boy." You said. Kalim nodded. "Of course I'll take care of him!" You grinned, then remembered the condition Jamil had set. "Oh yeah, Jamil also said that you're going to have to cut down on parties to once a month." You said. Kalim looked up in surprise. "Cut down on parties? Why?"
"Because it'd stress out the bunny if there are constantly parties being thrown." You said, using Jamil's excuse. You marveled at Jamil's ability to spin such convincing lies. Kalim seemed sad, but looked down at his new pet (who was eating the carpet now) and smiled. "That's okay! I don't want to make Jouri uncomfortable." He conceded.
"You've already decided on a name?" You asked. Kalim smiled, coaxing the large bunny onto his lap and petting it. "Yep! After a rose that's found in the desert, the damask rose." You nodded. Kalim seemed to think about something for a moment. Then he leaned over and gave you a kiss on the cheek, wrapping you as best he could into a hug without disturbing Jouri.
"Thank you so much!" He said, tears forming in his eyes. "This is the best day ever! Except maybe when we started dating." He said, pausing. "I think both days are equal." You chuckled, moving closer so that he could sit comfortably with Jouri in his lap but still hug you. "Yeah, me too."
Boo!! 🧡 Here is a random idea that came to mind. Sorry that Kalim's part is a bit longer than the others. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed! I tried to make the animals/names match the characters and what they would probably name a pet if they had one (hence Trey's). I actually started this a few days ago, but my motivation took a vacation, so... Well, bye now~~!!
Also, I did not proofread this, I'm tired, so please ignore any mistakes.
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reysdriver · 11 months
Note
WE NEED MORE BLACK CAT READER AND TASM PETER THE TENSIONNNNN
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you try to take off Spider-Man's mask on a rooftop at night — tasm!peter parker x blackcat!reader
warnings: none :)
words: 0.4k
a/n: okok im finally writing from my requests and I love that I'm getting back into writing Peter Parker oneshots again! Thanks so much to the anon who sent this in and gave me the idea!
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“Oh, come on, Bug Boy.” You whined teasingly. “I just want to try it on. And I’ll give you mine in exchange.”
“Can’t do that, Kitty Cat.” He used the nickname he knows you hate. It’s fine when you do it and call him Bug Boy or Web-Head, but Kitty Cat is just stupid. 
Teasing Spider-Man is probably your favourite thing to do on a boring night, and tonight was no exception. You’ve been trying to get him to take off his mask all night, with no luck yet. 
“I also wanna see you. Come on, why not at least part of your face? It’s not fair that you basically get to see my whole face and you’re just a spandex silhouette to me.” 
He let out a small laugh. “Well, maybe that just means you should get a new mask.”
“Maybe you should get a new mask.” Yikes. That wasn’t your best, and he knew it too. 
“Oh, you’re losing it now, aren’t you?” 
You huffed and turned around so he couldn’t see your pout. One foot straight in front of the other, you walked carefully on top of the roof’s bannister while you thought of more ways to tease him.
“How about you close your eyes and I try to sneak up and take it off of you?” You proposed, your arm mimicking a predator snatching its prey. 
Spider-Man shook his head at your idea. “Even with my eyes closed, you couldn’t do it. Spidey senses have me one step ahead of you at all times.”
You scoffed. For him to think he was so much better than you? Rude. He was probably right, but you were still going to dramatise your offence. With a hand on your heart, you gasped exaggeratedly. “Excuse you, Web-Head, I’ve been practising. Just let me try. I bet I could get your mask off on the first try.”
He shot one of his webs against the wall, making a stringy blob against the brick. “You’re persistent, you know?” 
“I’m curious, and you love it.” 
“And what makes you so sure about that?” 
“Because you’re still here.” You stated confidently. “Out of all the rooftops in the city, you’re choosing to stay here with me.”
There was a pause, and you wondered if maybe you were wrong. Maybe you had been cocky and totally out of left field. Your worry was only relieved when he looked back at you and spoke up. 
“Seems like you’re onto me, Kitty Cat.”
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math-is-math · 7 months
Text
Aleheather headcanons because why not :))
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They moved into an apartment together after All Stars; it’s not exactly the lavish lifestyle they pictured but it’s cozy and comfortable for the moment
I personally don’t think Heather would name her cat Bruiser; I think it’s actually the family cat and that’s what her younger brothers decided to name him
After moving in together, they got a little white cat named Blanca (courtesy of Alejandro ofc)
“Blanca? W— isn’t that just white in Spanish??”
“Exactly. It fits perfectly for her.”
That said, Alejandro’s more of a dog person but he’s not opposed to cats; Heather LOVES cats but big dogs are not her thing though
They’ll dance together in their living room at 2 am, maybe sway the cat around too
Alejandro is the master chef while Heather is the resident baker
They enjoy hosting dinner parties for their friends! Duncan and Courtney, and Lindsay and Tyler are their most common guests
Heather is a WIZARD at the piano
Sometimes when Alejandro has a nightmare she’ll play to relax and comfort him; his favorite is Solamente Una Vez
Alejandro can play guitar at a beginner-intermediate level
Sometimes they’ll duet with their respective instruments + occasional singing
Courtney will come over and sometimes bring her violin so she and Heather can play together — and they’ll absolutely bring the house down every time; their signature piece is The Swan
Duncan will make fun of Alejandro cause he gets emotional everytime they play it
“Oh man are you crying?”
“Well at least I’m able to emotionally appreciate good talent!!”
I think Courtney helped Heather get her million back (with the help of her lawyers and finessing the system ofc)
First thing they did once receiving it — put that shit in the BANK
Alejandro’s Catholic; Heather isn’t religious :P
Heather doesn’t talk to her parents (or her family) anymore; she claims she doesn’t care but Alejandro knows it hurts
Alejandro has a good relationship with his parents and family (well maybe not José) despite his inferiority complex lmao; although FreshTV did say Alejandro’s not the favorite in his family
I think that role goes to Carlos since he’s the professional soccer player, but Carlos gets demoted to second favorite after his parents meet Heather
His mom adores Heather, she’s the daughter she never had; his dad isn’t rlly around cause of work but he’s quite fond of her too from the few times he’s met her
Alejandro and José made a bet about whether he would win Total Drama
When he got the call from Chris about TD Dirtbags, you bet your ass he was outta the house
Alejandro’s parents had literally no idea he went on the show (nor did they care LOL)
His mom found out when he called him after Chris announced World Tour and his dad found out when they were showing one of the eps on a hotel TV and saw him
Heather braids her hair when she’s stressed! She can do all sorts of braids from fishtail to Dutch
The only person allowed to play with Alejandro’s hair is her; he’s not fond of having it in two parts (i.e. braids and pigtails) but he makes an exception for her
Sometimes when she has a nightmare, Alejandro lets her braid and play with his hair to calm her down
Heather is terrified of vulnerability, due to a fear of rejection and being alone; she combats this by pushing everyone away to not face any potential possibilities of being rejected by anybody
The first time she said ‘I love you’ to Alejandro (not counting the WT confession) resulted in a panic attack and almost passing out (I wrote a fic about this hehe)
Occasionally Heather has doubts about Alejandro’s objective with her and their relationship — why he chose her of all people, if this could all end up a mistake in the future, if she can trust him, etc.
Alejandro’s patient though, he provides as many reassurances as she needs to hear
It’s taken a lot of time and coaxing to get her to take down her walls and let him in but they’re making progress; he just loves her so much and wants happiness for her :’)
They’re both afraid of losing the other but Heather’s fear is more extreme than Alejandro’s
I’ll update if I think of more lol but feel free to add to the list !!
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corporatefrog · 1 year
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꒦‧₊ ꒷ HEADCANNONS: Kenny, Kyle, Stan, and Butters saving you as superheroes/villains when you're in danger! ✧.*
✧.* tags: college au, superhero au ✧.* Characters: kenny mccormick, kyle broflovski, stan marsh, butters scotch a/n: another amazing anon request! i always love the suggestions and they lead to such fun scenarios (and ways to zone out during class lol)
masterlist
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Kenny/Mysterion: 
Literally the scene from the beginning of Megamind where they’re in the observatory
Except he bursts in and saves you 
You were just trying to get footage of mysterion’s press conference then suddenly you’re tied up in the storage unit- sorry, the LAIR OF CHAOS
(he gets sad when you don’t call it that)
“Ah mysterion! It is I, your greatest foe-”
“I wouldn’t say greatest”
“Professor chaos- wait what?”
“I’m just saying I've literally fought cthulhu. He’s probably the greatest”
“Well, Cthulhu was an eldritch horror ! He doesn't count!”
“Yes he does”
“No he doesn't!”
“Yes he does!”
“No he doesn't-”
“Guys I really got to piss, can we speed this up?”
Mysterion shows up a few minutes later but you don’t get ‘rescued’ for another 30 minutes because him and chaos kept arguing
He walks you home and says he’ll always be there to save you
But you know the same thing is going to happen next week
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Kyle/Human Kite
You were at the park with kyle to visit the pet adoption fair being held by the south park animal shelter
But Professor Chaos had other plans. 
Suddenly all of the animals were let out of their pens and were running through the park 
It was the most adorable stampede to ever exist
You turned to tell ky that you guys had to help but he was gone?
The text he sent: “allergic to cats. Sorry.”
BRO WHAT??
You get absolutely DOG PILED
By actual dogs. 
Chaos is evilly laughing while blowing a dog whistle while General Disarray points laser pointers at people’s feet 
You were ready to give into your death by puppy
But you’re pulled out from the dog heap by human kite! 
He flies??? Over to chaos and slaps the dog whistle out of his hands and starts lecturing him
You almost feel bad for the guy
But then again, there are cats running up trees and dogs running into the street so animal safety comes first
You help them take care of the animals 
(and definitely end up adopting a furry friend :) )
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Stan/Toolshed
Professor chaos has stuck you in a small cell surrounded by glass with a 2 hour timer ticking down towards an unknown demise
Usually it wouldn’t have been an issue for tool to grab a sledge hammer and take care of it 
But the cell was made of impact proof glass 
That didn’t stop Toolshed from trying to break through the glass for 30 minutes while professor chaos monologues from a tv screen in the corner
“HAHHAA! I bet you’re wondering how I managed to trap-”
WOMP
“You won’t be breaking through that glass anytime-”
WOMP
“H-Hey! Let me at least get through my-”
WOMP
“WELL GOSH DARN IT LET ME DO MY SPEECH FIRST!”
And the only way to unlock it was to complete an escape room and find a key
But professor chaos seems to have forgotten that stan loves complex board games
And what is an escape room if not a complex solo board game? 
“You need to use the cipher from the map to decode the encyclopedia for the safe code!” 
“Oh yeah, I’ll definitely do that. If I were an idiot.”
“Okay now you’re just being mean” 
“It’s obvious that the map cipher is used for the chess board to give you the steps for the dance dance revolution machine!”
“...yeah totally. I definitely knew that’s how it works.”
He has you out in like 5 minutes 
And you make a mental note to never play Settlers of Katan with him. 
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Butters/Professor Chaos
The freedom pals kidnapped you to try and get information out of you since you act as tech help for chaos
Well it was really just the coon
“I thought that kidnapping was a villain thing”
“Yeah because when a superhero does it, it’s taking a villain into custody”
“I really don’t see the logic there”
“WELL YOU DONT HAVE TO SO SHUT UP”
“I thought you wanted me to talk?”
“AHHHHH”
Really you were just giving cartman shit for a few hours
Until the basement suddenly fills with smoke!
Professor Chaos threw smoke bombs into a small enclosed basement (not a good idea-)
You both barely manage to get out while coughing through the smoke
But you do it!!
Yippie!! 
Chaos insists on getting you ice cream as an apology for getting wrapped up in everything
“I mean, if I had to deal with that dickwad everyday, I’d want to cause chaos to piss him off too. I only was there for an hour and i never want to see him smile again” 
You just became the coolest person ever to him
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