something that people don’t tell you about depression, anxiety, trauma etc is that recovery is not this beautiful healing journey where you figure out the secret to happiness and a clear head and you just come out a different person. it’s hard. it’s really fucking hard and you have to work, probably harder than you even were working before while your mental illnesses stayed dormant.

and that’s what makes me so angry about people who misunderstand disorders and their subsequent treatment. getting help is not easy. you may think that all someone needs to do is wave a magic wand and stop being the way that they are but “getting help” often means signing yourself up for regular therapy, trying out medications, trying out different forms of therapy, processing complex trauma and emotions, reconfiguring your life, challenging yourself every single day to do things you couldn’t before. it’s fucking hard!!

and to everyone out there, like me, who is going through this process - i see you and hear you and i know that we’re going to get through it. and i hate the “you’re so strong” thing but holy shit, we are strong. i know how much effort and work it takes. it’s more than just “drink water” and “go on a walk.” it’s often about rewiring your entire brain.

Do you think you do this to yourself?

I think I tend to do this occasionally when my family members gaslight or manipulate me into thinking I'm a horrible person for living normally. When individualism isn't recognized, codependency, enmeshment and close mindedness causes toxic behaviours from others (imo).

you’re allowed to be upset love bug, being small doesn’t mean your feelings stop petal. you may even feel your feelings more while you’re in headspace~ and you know what little one? that’s perfectly valid! there’s no right way to regress sweetheart, you are allowed to be upset and frustrated when small, feeling your feelings doesn’t make you any less of a regressor darling, your feelings are always important and deserve to be seen and respected. as your prinx, and your baba, i promise to provide the space and care you require no matter how big or small your feelings are. we’ll weather this together my dear, you have my word.

Imagine the person you like and likes you back just holding onto you and gently patting you on the head and running a hand through your hair while you crawl into their lap, let out your pent up emotional pain by allowing your tears to fall, and curl up into a ball

Love feels like

being valued

for who I am

emotionally.

Allyson Dinneen

Content warning: contains emotionally invalidating words, although followed later by validation

[..] think most people don’t realize how insidious and commonized [emotional] invalidation are. Like when someone says “thank you” and gets responded to with “no problem”, “you don’t have to thank me”, “don’t thank me”, etc. that’s emotional invalidation. Have you considered how the person might wanna thank you sincerely? It’s okay to thank people, if you feel like you wanna thank someone then do thank them (not in the “I’m telling you to do it” way, but in the sense that you are to yourself, if you are). Yes, problem. “No problem” is so invalidating, it’s so commonized that most say it without thinking about it, or without realizing it. Your feelings are valid. You can feel that way. That short phrase is telling people not to feel whatever they’re feeling, which is straight up emotional invalidation. You can feel whatever you’re feeling. There’s also the word “just”, that is sooo invalidating. “Only” and “just” should only be used when meaning “1 thing”, like right now. Not used in relation to anyone’s feelings, never ever. Because it’s never “only” that, it’s never “just” that, people feel the need to use that because they feel the need to suppress their emotions and feelings. Same thing with the “at least”, it’s not as common, fortunately (most likely due to it being more known as invalidation than the others), but it’s still widely used. So, yes, problem. Do thank people. Do feel the need to thank people. A way, personally, really like to cancel invalidation, and replace it with validation is by saying the opposite repeated times, which works. Like right now. So yes problem, do have to thank “you”, do thank “you”, you can feel this way and if you do, you do. You also don’t have to do it (in the sense that am not telling you “feel this way!” “feel like that” “do this, you have to”), it’s okay not to thank people, it’s okay not to express your feelings and emotions. It’s okay not to express your thankfulness. It’s okay and valid to feel thankful. It’s okay and valid to wanna say “thank you”, it’s okay to say “thank you”. It’s okay and valid to not wanna say “thank you” too, there’s nothing wrong with not wanting to say it and there’s nothing wrong with wanting to say it either.

.💙💙💙

The reason some people may say that varies, but it’s usually due to them being scared to feel emotions, feeling not worthy enough to have positive emotions and get thanked. Sadly…. 🙁😢😣 It’s angering. Really hate the world we live in 😫😡😒😠😢

Feel what you need to feel. You need no one else's approval or permission to fully feel your feelings an express your emotions.

Source: Facebook

"I'm not trying to steal the spotlight. I'm just neurodivergent and trying to relate to you."

My friend and I were in Discord, having a discussion, and this came up. I thought it was a worthwhile point to spread.

See, before diagnosis, I had been through the wringer over this. The most memorable was a lady in Second Life, who told me I was only stealing the spotlight and not responding to her, just continuing on my own stories.

Me? I was confused. And I truly felt awful when she told me how it made her feel. I apologized, but it was not accepted.

I was told that I was just saying that, and being told to prove I was sorry.

It was maybe a year ago, possibly two. I don't even remember her name. But I do remember how I felt. I remember it clear as day. (I actually sometimes gripe at myself for hanging onto it. My brain clearly didn't get the memo that it's waaaay done and over with.)

I felt like a horrible piece of subhuman shite. I called myself a narcissist, and went into a full panic and upset, I told everyone to block me for their own safety, I changed my username, profile, everything to just call myself a big nope and warn people away. I know- overreact, much?

I couldn't afford a diagnosis, I had been told I was Neurotypical and just 'Unique' my whole life. But it still makes me walk on eggshells. And I mean I do it with everyone. Even those I love.

The Second Life lady was by far not the only time online, or in person that I had this experience and it b r o k e me. The way I try to conduct myself is that I try to extend kindness. And to be a spotlight thief is unkind. So that must mean I am unkind?... That's how I took it. That I was lying to myself, that I was cruel, inconsiderate, a narcissist, an asshole, a manipulative piece of shit. And that's so bloody toxic to myself, and inadvertently, others.

I wanted, not to die, but to cease my existence, so nobody would have ever been hurt by me in the past, present, or future. I struggled, and still do. I still lay down like a doormat so I don't offend the people who, in all reality, would be fine if I put in my opinion or thoughts. Because my mind, even after dx, still worries about crushing the one eggshell that sends the other person into upset, caused by me. Even when I'm not the guilty party, I will still feel guilt over an upset and try to fix it.

I'm aware this isn't great, but today, it's leaps and bounds away from where I was. I've actually been able to stand up for myself some, or brush some things off. At least consciously. My self-talk has improved. I try not to rely 9n my diagnosis, but when I feel it's necessary, I will inform my partner in conversation. It doesn't always get through to them, but... After that, I can much more easily accept if it just goes awry. I do fight with myself, and have to try so hard not to label myself so horribly right away. Healing is NOT easy.

Those of us who can't afford official diagnosis, or can't access it. We're in pain and we don't know what's going on. If you see someone seeming to steal the spotlight, please don't accuse them of doing so to belittle you right away.

Look at what they're saying or why they might be saying it. Give them the same opportunity you would want. I didn't mean to be a jerk and steal the spotlight when I was accused. I know that for a fact. I thought we were making conversation, truly and honestly, and the accusations hit like a bullet to the general view of myself.

Those of us without diagnosis, please don't think of yourself as I did of myself. Look into what you truly intended, and try not to bully yourself over it. It feels horrible, especially when you don't know why it's happening, and why you're 'like this'. Your mental health, no matter your condition; no matter of your diagnosis status, does not deserve the hurt. If you meant well and were accused of being cruel, you still meant well. Hold onto that knowledge. Correct what you feel you need to. Take responsibility, but just don't beat yourself up like I did!

You've got this, and even if you don't have a diagnosis, or can't get one, know you're still valid in how you feel, function, and think.

I'm still practicing this myself, but...

Have patience with yourself. You're doin' ya best! ♡

i miss who i was and what i was able to do before he decided to take it all without even asking

Treating Therapy Speak like it's a set of golden moral rules that apply to every single real life situation has really ruined interpersonal communication for a lot of people. I mean it's great for improving genuinely dysfunctional relationships and stuff like that, that's why it exists. But I'm gonna be so real, if you need validation and emotional processing time and a structured back-and-forth every time your feelings are slightly hurt or you disagree with someone, maybe it's a reflection of your own emotional maturity/immaturity. And I promise sometimes it is far easier and healthier to just take a deep breath and have a normal ass conversation

"It's not immature to feel your feelings. It is immature to let them control you. You're allowed to feel what you feel without needing to apologize for it."

-You to Me

I was speaking with my cousin and told her something I think we can all benefit from. I didn’t realize what I said until I reread it and realized that’s what I needed to hear when I was 14.

“Physical Harm is a product of Mental Harm”

there’s no shame in wanting someone to look after you dewdrop. flowers weren’t meant to grow all on their own, it takes a garden of care for them to blossom. to need or want a caregiver doesn’t make you any less strong nor capable of handling things on your own sapling, in fact your bibi thinks it makes those qualities shine even brighter. you deserve to be surrounded by safety that assures and accommodates you~ your needs and requests are allowed to be voiced and won’t be judged or criticized sweetheart.

When you pat yourself on the head and imagining someone else is doing it for you

The blue check mark on Twitter is the equivalent of self-ID.

If we follow the logic of we are what we say we are, and we are what we self-identify as, the blue Twitter checkmark is there to validate that and affirm our self-ID

I don’t know if I should add “and that’s beautiful”