+300 Followers Fic Giveaway!?

I don’t know where all of you came from but, wow, this is surely nice! I’ve been active in quite a few fandoms over the past 15(?) years and I gotta say, I don’t think there were +300 people gathering around me and my silly little brain worms, ever.

As a thank you, I would really love to do a little Astarion-fanfic giveaway!

I’ll randomly select one person who can send me a request for a 1.5-3k words oneshot centered around the elf himself, Astarion. All you have to do is: 1. Be following me. 2. Reblog this post before April 15. Easy. I’ll happily write any genre, SFW and NSFW content, gn!/ f!Tav/Durge x Astarion, Dadstarion, etc.—but there’s little that can’t be discussed.

I’ve never had the privilege to meet so many insanely talented, kind and supportive people until my fellow Pale Elf simps Enthusiasts came along. I’m really so happy to be part of this community, and I want this to continue being a place everyone can enjoy!

I appreciate you so much, my darliings! ♡

Chapter 12 Excerpt

“Oh, is that right?” Astarion’s typical smirk was shrouded by maroon lips. “You and Simon had little fights? How adorable.”

Fiora scowled, “I bet I could land one or two punches on you. Even a good kick. Your dick makes you vulnerable - easy target.”

Astarion looked at her with taunting eyes - condescending, but amused, like watching a child.

“Your pretty head would already be on the floor before you’ve even had the impulse to swing, love,” He coaxed.

excerpt from my modern AU/classic dnd quest OCxAstarion fic called A Vampire in New England!

desc: Gale was meant to send Astarion to the Limbo dimension, a place where chaos and high powered entities thrived, to find a caster of Wish. Instead, whether it be from Gale's ego, idiocy, or coincidence, he sent Astarion tumbling into the dorm of a New England college.

word count: ~45,000

(some of the) tags: modern era, slow burn, strangers to lovers, friends to lovers, plot, fluff, fluff and humor, romantic comedy, third person narrator

Thank you Larian for the dialogue options to lovingly troll Astarion 😘

God I fucking hate Olaf the snowman so fucking much holy shit. Holy shit, every frame he's in, every scene, every gif, every jpeg, he's got this painfully vacant, stupid as shit, fuckass look on his stupid lumpy face. Absolutely no part of his ugly as sin piece of shit character design is endearing. His stupid fucking legs? Who the hell makes a snowman with legs. His dumb flaily fucking twig arms? His shitty, lumpy bastard head? The three thousand percent unnecessary dumbass shitass fucking SNOW BUCK TOOTH that no snowman has EVER FUCKING HAD IN tHE HISTORY OF GOD'S GREEN FUCKING EARTH? God, I hate him. I hate him so much. So FUCKING much. Every time I see a stuffed toy Olaf or an Olaf gif or a shitty goddamn commercial, it ignites my primal rage response and I'm overcome by the need to punt this shitty little homunculus into the fucking sun. "Bhurr blur, I'm Olaf the fuckshit snow fucker, I like warm hugs". Fuck you. Fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you. You look like Tow Mater summoned a patronus. Your dumb fucking twig hair makes your whole shitty head look like a hairy skin tag. I hate your dumb fucking lumpy carrot nose and your stupid, empty googly eyes and your over-the-top goofy ass upbeat asshole personality. Any scene he's sad it invokes all the wrath and fury of a spoiled child having a meltdown over a chocolate bar in a w*lmart checkout line. And I know its irrational. That's the worst part. I know he's just a shitty fucking side character in a stupid fucking children's movie, I know it doesn't matter, I know I shouldn't care. But that's part of the problem. The part where no matter the might and fury of my hatred, the locus of my homicidal intent is alltogether inconsequential. I find myself laying awake in the dark in the early hours of the morning consumed by the spirit of Wrath itself, all the force and might of a flaming hurricane directed at a bottle of piss in a ditch by the highway. The absurdity of it all burns me to my core. What better things could this energy be directed towards? And yet my disdain for this stupid, useless, insubstantial failure of endearing character design utterly eclipses the intrigue of all other pursuits. I hate him. I hate him on a level of my mind reserved for the worst of the world's array of sinners, and I can't even begin to justify it. Shitstick the snow dick is, for all intents and purposes, the animated corpse of all of humanity's saccharine pretenses- every condescending, passive-aggressive statement of meaningless upper middle class suburban drama distilled into a single, hateable form. The fucking. Fuck. I have no words. There is no cuss or epithet in any language that can encapsulate the height of the emotions I am experiencing. God, I hate him so much. I hate him so, so fucking much. I want to light his ugly little dumpster body on fire. I want to graphically beat him to death with his own stupid fucking nose. I want to punch him to death. You know that weird feeling you get, when you see a picture of something so cute you find yourself overcome with the bizarre, inexplicable urge to squeeze it? It's EXACTLY like that, except instead of cuteness it's disgust. The wordless knowledge that his existence as a fictional work is evidence of all the failures of mankind. I find myself possessed by the will of a Holy Angel gone rogue with the belief that God has made a mistake, and I alone must correct it. This is the trial by which Samael himself fell from grace. This wild, meaningless rage. A thousand blades of shining steel cast with inhuman force in the direction of a plastic grocery bag floating on a breeze. What horrors must I have committed in a past life to be plagued by this torment now? I must Unmake this fictional snowman

I LOVE THIS AW THIS IS SO THOUGHTFUL AND YOU GAVE ME SUCH A LONG ANSWER THANK YOU SO MUCH!!

@gwen-thinks: "hi there! i’m gwen. 5’8 woman with blonde hair and blue eyes lol! i’m a psych and creative writing double major student who is also getting a master’s in communications. i’m always writing, singing, and making people laugh. i love love love animals and would love to be a cat and dog trainer one day, along with hopefully living on a little ranch of my own. i also love to cook, craft, & hike! i’m very extroverted but also anxious so i love people but hate going out to bars! & proud advice giver 💪"

I'd pair you with Shadowheart!

Your love of animals?! Living on a little ranch?! Shadowheart in the ending just naming all those animals she has now is your soulmate fr lol. The fact that you are extroverted but hate bars, etc. would be great for the two of you because she is the same way - you'll have lovely little days on your ranch together with a group of friends, ending the night by sitting by the fire and drinking wine after a day of group hiking and playing with the animals. You love to give advice, which Shadowheart definitely needs, and she appreciates that you make her laugh since she's had a tough go of it.

She is steadfast and loyal, and that will help with your anxiety - she can just tell when you're starting to feel that prickle of adrenaline, or self doubt, and will be there with you to help you through it. She is one of those people that is intuitive to the ones she loves, so she can tell when something is up, and she will know exactly what you need, before you do.

You'll have a ton of animals on the ranch, too, which helps with both of your anxieties! Your days are spent caring for them and snugglin' them, and you'll often find a goat or dog or cat just having wandered into your house at night...and you definitely don't shoo them away. Shadowheart will also appreciate your cooking, because I have a feeling she's not the best cook in this situation lol.

“aren’t you tired of being nice” no!!!! i’m tired of everyone else being mean!!!!!!!!

where is the support for girls who have so much love to give but are doomed by the narrative???

so all of the poets were right and when you’re in love you actually know it intrinsically and in your core

if political leaders just had a little crush every once in a while maybe this world wouldn’t be so bad

where are my fangirls at who do not want children and find them a bit odd actually and always become scared at the INTENSE waves of "dad" content of all their faves. we are going to be childfree together did you just forcibly Mother me?? and forcibly Dad him??

Post corrections/clarifications are my favorite genre of humor: a compilation

no one talks about how hard it is when u and ur bf have autism but ur special interests only intersect once every blue moon so youre each just using so much patience with each other as you freak out over completely different things all the time

Me: maybe I’m not cut out to be a writer…idk what if I’m not good enough

BookTok romance writers: ‘what if you were just a normal school teacher…but the MINOTAUR wanted to get you PREGNANT’

if repressing emotions is bad then why does it feel so goooddf

wellll hold on dear tumblr user i would love to challenge this thought because life is always evolving and there are infinite things to try. i’ve hit so many roadblocks with my mental health conditions and then, a month later, a year later, 5 years later, some revelation hits me and i get to go down a new path. you’re never on your own.

something that people don’t tell you about depression, anxiety, trauma etc is that recovery is not this beautiful healing journey where you figure out the secret to happiness and a clear head and you just come out a different person. it’s hard. it’s really fucking hard and you have to work, probably harder than you even were working before while your mental illnesses stayed dormant.

and that’s what makes me so angry about people who misunderstand disorders and their subsequent treatment. getting help is not easy. you may think that all someone needs to do is wave a magic wand and stop being the way that they are but “getting help” often means signing yourself up for regular therapy, trying out medications, trying out different forms of therapy, processing complex trauma and emotions, reconfiguring your life, challenging yourself every single day to do things you couldn’t before. it’s fucking hard!!

and to everyone out there, like me, who is going through this process - i see you and hear you and i know that we’re going to get through it. and i hate the “you’re so strong” thing but holy shit, we are strong. i know how much effort and work it takes. it’s more than just “drink water” and “go on a walk.” it’s often about rewiring your entire brain.

sorry i got scared by the passage of time. can yuo hold my hand

megamind