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#dont be ridiculous peter
marvel-lous-guy · 2 years
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Peter: The only thing I was good at before I was bitten by that spider was breathing
Harley: Don't be ridiculous
Harley: You had asthma
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asyipyip · 1 month
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hold on everyone shut up im getting super emotional about jonathan sims
#tma#kara stop blogging#thinking about the web. thinking about how it was his first mark#and how that mark how that unaddressed trauma so deeply affected him.#and how befitting that is for the web too- to tie someone up its strands for YEARS#thinkin about how almost every single decision that man makes is made out of fear#that motherfucker has never felt safe in his god damn life you can tell and im EMOTIONAL ABOUT IT#thinking about how so much of his fear response is CONTROL because of it. His ridiculous skepticism was him trying to control it#if he denies it if he refuses to believe in it it cant hurt him#about his paranoia and desperation for knowledge is so rooted in that fear of losing control#about his entire s4 arc and grappling with becoming inhuman. about not feeling like he has any kind of personal autonomy#and how so often thats written off as him making excuses (and dont get me wrong- he makes excuses too. im not saying he doesnt) but also-#like you look at what happened with his first leitner and its like. he couldnt move. couldnt do anything to escape#and then when the other boy got taken he couldnt do anything to save him either#of course he feels like hes never had any control#of course hes desperate for knowledge- if he had only *known* what couldve happened then he couldve prevented it.#the survivors guilt is so deeply part of his character#and thats what makes jonah targeting him so fucking insidious and scary#he took his man who is already so terrified- put him in a situation where he was so out of his depth#knowing that his fear response would be to desperately try and figure out what was happening- to keep asking questions--#pulling himself deeper into the eyes influence and easily turning it around and making it Jon's fault#as if Jon isn't trapped like everyone else- it's just his fear response is so fucking perfect for the role the eye needs him to play#and then it leads to the ultimate trauma of ripping control away from Jon and forcing him to do something so fucking horrible#something he would never in a million years CHOOSE TO DO#how he's so terrified of being made a pawn and he is. playing a game against elias where he couldn't even see the board#locking him out of his own body...forcing him to open the door. like. FUCK#I MEAN FUCK DUDE. PETER LITERALLY SAYS “HE GOT YOU” WHEN JON ASKED WHAT HIS 'PRIZE' WAS#LIKE SCRATCH THAT!!! FUCKING SCRATCH THAT!! he wasn't even a player he was a fucking PIECE in the game#GOD!!!#GOD!!!! free my boy he did nothing wrong (he did so many things wrong)
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kamil-a · 7 months
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suffering from peter white empathy moment hdjckfkxjfj TO BE CLEAR he did this to himself it is very silly to go WHAAAAT you wont go into scary crime alley where you were recently almost assaulted?? so your love for hannibal is stronger than for me....i guess you'll make it in this world...so long unless we get another game....... bye.......
and she's like is your own home nice? do you have someone to return to? and hes like hahaha NOPE .
and like. ;___;
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;_____;
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bl33py · 2 years
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did you know that this is the only song to ever exist
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slutforgarlogan · 2 months
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"You can check if you like" | Peter Maximoff x F! Reader
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Summary: Peter comes back from a mission with a wound and you patch him up. He takes the opportunity to tease you.
Warnings: nsfw content, fingering, teasing, Peter being a cocky asshole
"Oh my god what happened to you?" you jump up from your seat when the team gets back from their mission, noticing the bleeding coming from your boyfriends head. You'd be lying if you said he didn't look hot all bloodied up, but you were too concerned with his wellbeing to indulge in the urge to make out with him.
Peter gives you his usual cocky smile, ignoring your concern "I'm fine babe, its just a scratch." You aren't convinced, but you know he wont go back on the statement, ever the cocky bitch despite his constant dramatics. You raise an eyebrow at him to indicate you dont believe him, "Please just let me look at it anyway"
Peter rolls his eyes and groans, smiling at you playfully while he does so - but he doesn't protest and takes you to one of the bathrooms with a fwip.
Though he does that all the time, you never expect it - and the speed always makes you feel ill and disoriented. You take a second to ground yourself, before getting the first aid things out of the bathroom cabinet to sort him out, and speaking to him as you rifle through it. "You're okay everywhere else yeah, nothing got through your suit?"
"You can check if you like" His tone is suggestive and he wiggles his eyebrows, and you roll your eyes at his answer - taking that as a no. He watches you for a second, and then sits down on the closed toilet lid before you have the chance to tell him to.
You move to stand in front of him, subconsciously situating yourself between his legs where he was practically manspread, and you push his goggles onto the top of his head, trying to make sure his hair stays tucked under them and out the way. The cut looks deep, and you wince a little thinking about it. You lock eyes with him as you pick up a little cotton pad and alcohol to clean the wound - you've done this a fair few times and he knows the drill, but you warn him regardless. "It's gonna sting a second Quickie"
You press the alochol soaked cotton pad on the wound, making sure to be gentle, and Peter grips onto the nearest thing when you do so, which happens to be your thigh. The feel of his hand on you shoots to your core immediately, and your breath hitches for half a second before you catch yourself and ignore it. You keep cleaning the wound, eventually moving on to clean the dried blood around it, and Peters leg is bouncing as he starts to get bored and restless.
You lock eyes with him and lean back a second. "Peter, sit still, find something in here to distract yourself im nearly done i promise" There's a certain look in his eye when he looks at you, and you can see an idea forming in his head, and you worry slightly what ridiculous idea you've accidentally caused him to have, but you get back to what you're doing anyway.
As you grab a roll of bandaid and scissors to cut it down to fit the wound, you feel a hand at the top of your thigh, fingers hooking into your panties to get them down a little - you try to ignore it and focus on finishing what you're doing, holding the roll up unrolling a little bit to see how much you need.
You hear a little cocky laugh from Peter as his finger prods at your folds and you could have ripped his suit off him there and then. But you try not to react, steadying your breathing before you look at him. "Whats funny"
He looks up at you, a shit eating grin on his face. "You're so wet and i haven't even touched you"
A pink shade dusks over your cheeks as you roll your eyes, in your head you know exactly what made you wet, but you know he'll poke fun at you for it so you don't tell him. "Shut up"
You cut a bit of a bandaid off the roll, big enough to fit the wound, and as you do so, he slides a finger into you, thrusting it in and out at a painfully slow pace - but he doesnt take long to slide a second finger in. He is still in his suit, and the gloves of the suit feel weird. The feeling is foreign but good. Your breathing goes a bit shaky as you try to concentrate, putting the roll down and picking up the bit you cut off, flipping it around to peel the back off, struggling a little fiddling with it.
Peter speeds up his fingers, curling them inside you to hit the spot that makes you whine a little, earning the same shit eating grin as before as he makes sure to keep hitting that spot. He brings his other hand to circle your clit as you finally get the back off the band aid, and you moan out as he draws figure 8's over the sensitive bud. "Fuckk Peter"
You stick the band-aid over the wound carefully but quickly, placing your hands on his shoulders as soon as you're done, breathing heavily and whimpering a bit. "Peter please"
He speeds up the finger on your clit, practically vibrating it and you moan loudly, legs shaking as you try hold yourself up properly and your walls clench around his fingers a little.
Thats when he stops. You look at him with pleading eyes "What the fuck"
He laughs a little "You've finsihed patching me up"
You look at him dumbfounded and annoyed, you open your mouth to protest but he speaks before you.
"You wanna check under my suit now?"
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darkacademicvibes · 3 months
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We Think Similar Thoughts
Part three
Lonely!Fem!Reader x Lonely!Remus
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"The fuck did you just ask her?"
You glance nervously at James, and James shakes his head, unsure how to help as Remus steps in front of you. Sirius continues to speak, "I swear to merlin, if you ever think about asking her out again before you pull your head out of your arse and stop using girls for your own personal amusement-" Remus places a hand on Sirius' shoulder and gently pulls him away, clearly angry. "Dont touch her, don't talk to her, or we'll find you, and we will make your life miserable" Remus threatens quietly. Peter wraps an arm around your shoulders and turns away, the other three boys following after you two.
Remus wraps his arm around your waist, tugging you subtly out from under Peters arm as James laughs, pulling Sirius into a headlock as they walk, which Sirius wrestles out of easily.
"Merlin Pads, I don't think I've ever seen you so defensive since I told you I might fancy Reg" James teases, and Sirius rolls his eyes, cringing, "that's my baby brother, Prongs, I'm still not over it" he quips.
"Thank you, Sirius, I know we aren't that close-" you begin, and Sirius waves off your words easily. "Don't be ridiculous, you were there for Remus. You also told me to get my head out of my arse, and managed to make me listen" Sirius jokes. "You're family now" he tells you, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. James, Peter, and Remus share a look, surprised by his sudden acceptance. "Besides, you remind me of Pete's little sister" he hums, and everything clicks into place.
You smile softly, "little sister?" You ask, and Peter pulls a picture out of his notebook, handing it over. It's a picture of him, clearly from this summer, with a young girl. She also has y/h/c hair and y/e/c eyes, but she still looks so unlike you. "She likes the rain as well, and we can never get her to put down her books, and she hates puzzles but never gives up once she's started" Peter informs you, clearly spotting the slight confusion on your face as you all walk.
You begin to understand, "I see, she's very cute, how old is she?" He grins, taking the photo back. "She's five tomorrow, I'm going to see her and my family at Hogsmeade" he tells you.
You talk of his family for a while more before the both of you are dragged into seperate conversations, Peter with James and Sirius, and you with Remus, mostly about your plans for the Christmas holidays coming up. You don't have any.
☕︎︎
You'd left Remus alone for two hours, an hour and forty minutes at most, and he managed to land himself, Lucius Malfoy, and Corey in the infirmary. You walk in, clearly fustrated, and make your way over to Remus.
"For merlins sake, Remus, I ask you to keep yourself out of trouble while I study for our N.E.W.Ts, and you end up in the hospital wing! What part of 'out of trouble' did you have difficulty understanding, exactly?" You scold, and Remus flashes you a guilty smile. "He was talking about you, they both were, I wasn't gonna let anyone talk about my friend like that" he admits softly, his uninjured arm reaching up to scratch under his eye lightly.
You sigh heavily, "This is the second time today we've been to the hospital wing" you state, still slightly annoyed. "Both times because of me, and I won't stand for it, I can take perfectly good care of myself, and I couldn't give less of a care about what mindless fools say about me" you tell Remus, crossing your arms as you sit beside him.
"Next time you end up here because you got into a fight before exams, I will continue studying, I hope you know that" you hum, and Remus laughs, tossing his uninjured arm around your shoulders. "I do, thanks for checking up on me, even if it was only to tell me off" he jokes. "But y'know what prongs says, 'only the great die young', right?" he teases quietly, and you roll your eyes playfully. "Yeah, yeah, did you win at least?" you joke, and he nods proudly. Dork.
You help him up gently and he follows you to the library after you both thank Pomfret, who sends a distracted smile to Remus as you leave, muttering out a hurried "no more fights, Remus" warningly under her breath.
☕︎︎
Mock exams, of course it has to be the day where you're busy with practice exams that Lilly Evans bumps into you, crying her eyes out. Thankfully, you both had the Charms exam next, it was a simple timed essay, with no talking, and no cheating - obviously - but when Flitwicke saw Lilly's tear-stained cheeks, he didnt say anything about the way you reached forward to hold lilys hand as she sat at the desk in front of you.
You could feel James' eyes on you both as he sends worried glances at the girl of his dreams, trying to catch your eye to ask silently about the pretty redhead.
The moment Flitwicke dismisses everyone, James is on his way over as Lilly speaks lowly to you.
"Thank you for being so kind, I know we aren't exactly close" Lilly mumbles, wiping her her face with her long sleeves as you dig through your bag, finally finding the face wipes you have and handing them to her gently. "No, of course, you're Remus' friend" you smile softly.
She takes the wipes greatfully as James stops at her side, his hands gently tipping up her head to make her face him, "what happened Lils? Is everything okay?" He murmurs softly, his hazel eyes searching over her for any sign of injury. Lilly hiccups, "my cat died" she sniffles, and sympathy strikes at you as your hands immediately wrap around her, hugging her lightly, your hand rubbing soothing circles on her back.
"I'm sorry, Lilly, I know how awful that is" you hum, and James relaxes, gently brushing Lilly's red hair back from her face as he gently takes the wipe from her hand, cleaning her tears without smudging her eye makeup. Regulus stops by, frowning softly as he takes in Lilly, "are you alright, Evans?" He asks quietly, and Lilly nods, repeating her heartache. Regulus' eyes fill with a soft sympathy and he nods slowly.
"Oh.. I'm sorry to hear that" he murmurs, smiling sadly at James and hesitating before nodding at you and continuing onwards. You watch him for a moment, the threes dynamic slowly fitting into place in your mind. Curiosity and slight amusement fill you as you wonder about how the next stages in their relationships will work out, if they'll end up together or not.
"Are you coming, y/n?" James hums, and it yanks you back to reality. You nod, hurrying after the two, wrapping your arm around Lillys shoulders as you walk, James' hand gently rubbing up and down her back as she sniffles softly, explaining her cat and how wonderful he was.
☕︎︎
You practically sprint to the room of requirement after dinner. Things have been rushing so quickly and the days seemed so much shorter, and you felt so thrown off.
I need a place where everything is slower.
The door appears and you make your way in, immediately heading right towards the very back of the huge room, a library, tearoom, music room, and living room all combined into one. The grand piano is tucked away between two of the large bookshelves, and a few small tables littered with kettles, and sugar, and cream, and cups with saucers are hidden few and far between the shelves as well. You reach the back of the room and fall onto one of the couches, a few chairs and couches all huddle around the large fireplace, the soft, antique, red persian rug laid across the floor, warmed by the fires heat.
You sit up and look towards the small rack in the corner of the room, mostly hidden away, with changes of clothes. You make your way towards it and look through the items, deciding to change from your uniform into comfortable leggings and a large sweater, kicking off your shoes before browsing the shelve of candles. One peculiar one catches your attention.
𝑾𝒂𝒓𝒎 𝑵𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕𝒔
𝒄𝒉𝒐𝒄𝒐𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒆, 𝒄𝒓𝒂𝒏𝒃𝒆𝒓𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒔, 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒔𝒂𝒏𝒅𝒂𝒍𝒘𝒐𝒐𝒅
You hum and gently take it from the shelf, lighting it before you slip a book from the shelf and settle into one of the armchairs, curling up by the fire as you allow the tension in your shoulders to slowly lessen, until you've practically melted into the chair.
You're halfway through the book and the candle when you hear the door open, a soft voice calling for you from the entrance. "Y/n? Are you in here?" James sounds exhausted, and a shuffle of footsteps make you lift your head, "back here, James" you call quietly, not wanting to disturb the peace as the sunset shines through the windows, the golden light highlighting the small dust specks in the air as the fire sends a darker light around the couches, warmth blooming through your bones as you stretch for the first time in hours.
Remus and James round the bookshelf and pause, "it's so weird seeing the sunset at one in the morning" James mumbles sleepily, wearing his pajamas. Remus gazes softly around the room. "It's nice" Remus murmurs, moving over to lean on the back of your armchair, gently slipping his fingers through your hair soothingly. "You're so tense" he hums and James watches Remus, clearly judging, "liar" James huffs, collapsing onto the couch and tugging a blanket over him.
"Classes are canceled, started storming, a few classrooms in the dungeons are flooded and there isn't enough room for the potions students anywhere else, not for them to study safely, said there was a ghoul in the abandoned corridor" James mutters, closing his eyes as he tosses his glasses onto the coffee table.
Remus gently combs his fingers through your hair, his thumbs gently slipping down the back of your neck. "You alright dove? You been hiding away since dinner, I was worried" he hums, and you nod, quietly admitting how things have seemed lately. Rushed, busy, and torn to bits, sometimes you felt unsure of what day it was.
By the time the sun sets in the room, Sirius and Peter have joined you, brining along Lilly who easily slips into a comfortable chair with her book, and a cup of tea.
The room is now lit by oil lamps like the ones in your grandparents home, and the letter Sirius said came for you when he dropped onto the floor by the fireplace is now beside james' glasses as he sleeps peacefully, occasionally sniffling in his sleep.
You finish your book, eyes filled with tears, and you meet Remus' eyes hesitantly. He moves smoothly, settling in beside you and allowing you to babble on about the book as you cry quietly, Lilly, the person who recommended it to you, sends you an apologetic smile as you flip her off half-heartedly.
You easily relax against Remus' chest, and something feels hauntingly familiar.
He smells like chocolate, and cranberries, and sandalwood. He smells exactly like the candle that had made you relax the most as you did what all candle lovers do; sniff them until you find one that provides you with the perfect type of calm you want.
You were sure, if the room of requirement could talk, it would be cackling at the way your stomach dropped at the realization. You're starting to feel things a friend shouldn't feel for a friend, and the thought of losing Remus makes you curl closer to him, which doesn't help your racing heart.
There's no winning, you suppose. But at least you can see the stars, and at least you aren't quite so lonely anymore.
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loverboyjamespotter · 7 months
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ive said this before but i dont really think remus and sirius would have gotten on THAT well during their hogwarts years mainly bc the marauders is a dynamic that is characterised by sirius, remus and peter all revolving around JAMES. like james is the central figure to that friendship group and i think theyre all trying to get his attention. i genuinely believe that if remus was going to have a crush on any of the maurauders it would be james absolutely. like james is the one cheerfully calling one of the most traumatising experiences in remus' life his 'furry little problem' which, considering hope and lyall isolated him from all other children HIS WHOLE LIFE, would be a RELIEF. the fact that it was james who stepped in during the whomping willow incident with snape whereas sirius was the one instigating it. the fact that remus has such fond memories of james, the fact that james paid for remus' expenses after hogwarts, etc etc. like i completely believe remus had an unrequited crush on james which knowing james being as like emotionally clueless as he is probably wouldnt even have FIGURED THAT OUT. but this is all a long winded way of saying i really dont think sirius would be the one that remus would have romantic feelings for during their hogwarts years. part of that also is sirius' personality which is quite aloof and cold when he wants it to be. we're canonically told that the only person sirius really opened up to was james so i automatically think remus wouldn't even go there because of who HE is too. like i think growing up so isolated and alone like he did and being worried that no one would accept him for who he is then he meets the veritable whirlwind that is james potter who not only TURNED INTO AN ANIMAGUS FOR HIM but tries to normalise his experiences as much as possible this would critically inform who he would have a crush on. i think sirius' personality is too ... distant for remus to ever actually consider having a crush on him. for lack of better phrasing .... sirius is Too Traumatised. remus is proven time and time again to be an incredibly selfish character. i really dont think his idea of a crush would include trying to piece together a SEVERELY broken person (sirius). i think to him someone like james (or someone who james APPEARS to be) would be highly attractive. the golden boy, ridiculously clever and arrogant and silly and friendly and loyal and mean too. i think james' openness and capability to be extremely warm would be very thrilling for someone like remus whereas sirius' moodiness and mystery and closed-off nature would be exactly what remus is trying to escape FROM. this is exactly why we're canonically told that remus and sirius mistrusted each other during the war years which was not said of remus and james' relationship. i think in having a crush on james potter, captain of the quidditch team, the most popular boy in school, remus gets to live out his fantasy. james with his easy and loving parents, his great childhood, his spoilt naivety ... would all be what remus craves. so again.... this is all to say i think thats the fundamental reason why i think remus would be more likely to have a crush on james than on sirius and i dont know why theres not more fics of this/why this idea isnt more popular.
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xotrashratxo · 7 months
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Nerdy Prudes Must Die Quotebook
Comment any I missed LMAO
⚠️NERDY PRUDES MUST DIE SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT⚠️
“I am only ONE MAN’s girl, and that man is JESUS CHRIST.” Grace Chastity
“SHUT UUUUUUPPPP.” Max Jagerman *Audience cackles* 
“THE ANSWER IS STILL NO….. by the way.” Max Jagerman
“RAAH” Max Jagerman and Grace Chastity
“the fucking BOW TIE KID???” Brenda the Cheerleader
“I know he’s RICH. But money isn’t everything! Looks are. “ Stacy the Cheerleader
“WAIFU MATERIAL” Richie Lipchitz
“SHE’S TOUCHING MEEE!! LUCKYYYY!” Ruth Fleming and Richie Lipchitz
“Woooow…. These toilets aren’t even in stalls! It’s better than I ever imagined!” Ruth Fleming
“Thats some cooool kid privilege right there.” Ruth Fleming OR Richie Lipchitz
“DESTROY HIM.” Grace Chastity
“God you suck, Grace.” Stephanie Lauter
“He’s made ALL OUR LIVES a living HECK.” Grace Chastity
“The most terrifying, HOTTEST bully in Hatchetfield” Grace Chastity
“BE COOL BEANS, KEEP THE BEANS COOL.” Grace Chastity
“We’ll fight sin with sin! Let the games begin!” ‘Nerdy Prudes’
“AM I READING AS GHOST OR LIN MANUEL MIRANDA” Peter Spankofvski
“YOU’RE FUCKING USLESS PETE.” (SO MANY PAUL REFERENCES.) Richie Lipchitz
“Ugh I gotta piss….” Max Jagerman
“Oh SHIT, where’s that creepy music coming from?” Max Jagerman
“Oh shit oh fuck it’s a fucking ghost!!!” Max Jagerman
“He thinks it’s real he’s just really fucking BRAVE.” Richie Lipchitz
“BOO HOO BITCH.” Max Jagerman
“I MAKE THE DEAD RUN IN FEAR! I AM GOD GOOOOO NIGHTHAWKS!” Max Jagerman
“Oh shit oh fuck I didn’t think there’d be a skele’in HERE!” Max Jagerman
“WOW… I uh… I thought you guys hated me. But uh, thanks! This was really great! No no no, this is the nicest thing anyone’s done for me!” Max Jagerman
“That was really special.” *bows* Max Jagerman
“And with MY luck, no one will even BOTHER making me their BITCH.” Ruth Fleming
“It was an act of god!” Grace Chastity
“Oh no she’s snapping again!” Richie Lipchitz
“Oh my asthmas back…” Richie Lipchitz
“I just cut off his nips.” Ruth Fleming FORESHADOWING??? 
“Steph, you can keep it. It would bring down my GPA.” Peter Spankofvski
“I’m tryna feel bad but it’s hard when everything is objectively better.” Peter Spankofvski
“Never thought I could open my locker without the fear running through me.” Richie Lipchitz
“N-IG-HT-AWE AWE- ks!” Everyone
“FUCK clivesdale.” Everyone, repeatedly. 
“FUCK YOU CLIVESDALE WE’LL KILL YOU!” Cheerleaders and Jocks
“Zeke! The fighting nighthawk!” Jason the Football player
“We support and love you, but you fuckin’ stink man!” Jason the Football player
“FUCK CLIVESDALE! FUCK EM STRAIGHT TO HELL!” Richie Lipchitz
“I love being alive!” Richie Lipchitz
“YA BITCH.” Max Jagerman
“Of course not! But you’ve lost everything.” Max Jagerman HIT SO HARD 
“Mama I’m cured!” Grace Chastity
“HWAELL they didn’t say!” Mark Chastity
“Alright ima need the 3 of you to shut the FUDGE up about Max Jagerman.” Grace Chastity
“SHUT. THE FUCK UP. RUTHY.” Stephanie Lauter
“People tell me to die everyday!” Ruth Fleming
“Don’t be ridiculous! Wait-“ Grace Chastity
“DAN!” Angry Adult Mob
“Suddenly the show is real upsetting!” Angry Adult Mob
“Fuckin’ transcendent…..!” Cop Corey
“I wanna remember who I YAAAMmmm…” Trevor, who’s only other credit is Barbecue Monologues Man 2 
“I turned 40 today.” *pours alcohol* Ruth Fleming in Barbecue Monologues
“Oh shit not Clivesdale!” Officer Shapiro
*heavy breathing* “…… thank you.” Peter Spankofvski
“MY DAD sells WOMEN’S SHOES.” Peter Spankofvski
“Dork at the beany’s counter has more balls than you.” Stephanie Lauter
“LEAVE ROOM FOR JESUS” Grace Chastity
“She’s bisexual and dead, where else could she be?” Grace Chastity, also GRACE DONT CALL ME OUT
“I’ve done horrible things! Like touching myself and lying to the police! I called god a son of a b word! Who am iiiiii…..” Grace Chastity
“Don’t comfort her, she’s fucking weird.” Stephanie Lauter
“KYUK KYUK KAH FUCK.” Max Jagerman
“I beg to differ, BITCH.” Max Jagerman
“I’ve got a gun.” Stephanie Lauter
“Are you a woman of god?” “Catholic.” “I’ll take that as a no.” Grace Chastity and Officer Shapiro (as a Catholic this is hilarious.) 
“I have no idea what I’m doing.” Peter Spankofvski (Me too Peter, me too.)
“My phone!” Stephanie Lauter
“WE DONT GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOUR PHONE.” The Lords in Black
“Or fuck off!” The Lords in Black
“It’s you Steph. I’m into you.” Peter Spankofvski (IM CRYINGGGG)
“I just took a bullet for you bro!” Max Jagerman
“SO YOU DO KNOW THE BIBLE?” Grace Chastity
“But Jesus never threw a football like you Max.” Grace Chastity
“SHUT YOUR MOUTH HOLE SPANKOVSKI. I wanna hear this.” Max Jagerman
“FUCK. YEAH.” Max Jagerman
“GASP. That’s NASTY. I like it.” Max Jagerman
“WHAT. THE FUCK. IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW.” Stephanie Lauter (That’s so me, Steph.)
“GRACE IS HAVING SEX WITH A FUCKING GHOST!” Peter Spankofvski
“I paid the price. Now fuck off!” *Spins* Grace Chastity
“WHAT ARE YOUUU-“ Max Jagerman
“You’re in my world now. Bitch.” One of the Lords in Black (Pokey I think???) 
“I…. Am gonna get some fucking coffee.” Officer Shapiro
“Did you guys know JASON goes to my CHURCH?” Grace Chastity
Total quotes: 85
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avocadoraisin · 11 days
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i dont know what ppl knowing my fics exposes me more for
how ridiculously down bad i am for these characters or how much i love them having disgustingly sweet soft sides
or is it the angst? it could be the angst i dont know actually
mini fic masterlist:
A Series Of Mistakes (A 3-part fic series that starts off as PWP and then it goes in a direction)
Part One: Curiosity Rated: 18+ Words: 7,803 Mark Hoffman comes up with a different way to throw Agent Strahm off his scent. Peter is about two seconds from spontaneously combusting at any given moment. Part Two: Indulgence Words: 12,549 What if Mark slept with him again, anyway? It would keep the guy distracted longer, which was good. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer, after all. Part Three: Trust Words: 19,422 Peter attempts to navigate his and Mark's budding relationship, all while the web of lies continues to spin around them.
a different (SAW) bathroom Words: 6,987 Peter Strahm visits a glory hole.
Hoffman and Strahm get fucking fired Words: 2,075 Hoffman is the worst animator (A crack fic)
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mediocre-daydreams · 2 years
Note
hello 🫶🏻🫶🏻 can i req a peter parker x stark!reader who r also bffs (with feelings 4 eachother) where both of them have this little game they like to play with eachother where they make up like insane conversations and the other has to follow along until they get tired ?? like “oh you look fine even though you got stabbed by an alien yesterday” “u dont look too shabby for someone who had to give birth to a baby” IDK like anything u want but they didnt know that their conversations were getting overheard by the other avengers and once the avengers come together and talk about it they’re like wait.. why the fuck does it sound like [] have two children at home and are secretly married IDK ANYTHING U WANT BUT AS CRAZY AS POSSIBLE i love crack fics
TYSM <33
— 🦜
i've been putting this off bc i love the idea and want it to be perfect so i stayed up late last night and in my delirious haze i came up with some dialogue prompts and i woke up this morning and found it in my notes so here's the beaut! i lowkey love it thank you 🦜 !!
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𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐠𝐚𝐦𝐞
peter parker x stark! reader
summary: at first, you and peter were like "let's see who can uphold the most ridiculous conversations," but bro... you don't think the sexual tension is a joke anymore, and neither do the other avengers.
w/c: 3.1k
notes: crack crack crack, fluff, swearing, many sexual innuendos (and also just jokes about sex outright) and swears (c'mon it's me), mentions of abortions and roe v wade in a humorous context, murder, cannibalism, and foot fetishes in a humorous context, one "ur mom" joke, if it sounds crazy that's because it is crazy and i think u should just read it already
.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.
you and peter’s friendship was anything but normal. well, you supposed, nothing could ever be normal for the two of us. peter’s an arachnid abomination and i’m the daughter of an egotistical billionaire who cosplays as a flying suit.
there were two ways in which your relationship was unusual. one: the practically nonexistent line between platonic and romantic, which everybody just always had to point out. the two of you had always been a bit touchy-feely—to be fair, mostly with each other, but were you really to blame? you were stuck in a tower full of traumatized assassins, spies, and people in metal suits; it wasn’t like there was any good cuddling options around. peter was a self-described “nerd and loser,” so girls weren’t exactly lining up to cuddle with him either. 
two: you had a game going on (if it could even be called that). peter had a hard time transitioning into an “official” member of the team, so you, being the coolest and closest to his age, tasked yourself with the responsibility of being his friend.
what started as making up nonsensical greetings or coming up with more and more obscure versions of “see ‘ya later, alligator” had spiraled into a competition of who could keep the most ridiculous conversations going.
--
you were sitting beside natasha at the kitchen bar, the two of you nursing copious amounts of black coffee and sporting dark eye bags. (so maybe karaoke with katy and shang-chi on a wednesday night wasn’t the greatest idea you’d ever had.)
peter took a double-take as he made his way towards the fridge, looking perfectly refreshed and wide awake.
“lookin’ good!” peter clicked his tongue at you in greeting, smirking at the scowl on your face. he knew you would’ve flipped him off had you not been holding your drink.
“thanks,” you drawled sarcastically. “i’ve been trying this new diy skincare routine, where you use curdled breastmilk as a face mask for 20 minutes. it’s really helping with my dark circles.”
natasha, the woman who was never caught off guard, was caught off guard.
peter hummed thoughtfully as he poured himself a glass of milk, which he was now losing his appetite for. “20 minutes seems pretty short, don’t ‘cha think? i keep my menstrual blood mask on for at least 35 minutes.”
you scoffed, taking a large swig of your coffee and wincing at its bitterness. “yeah, well you should probably do it for longer. i can see your premature wrinkles forming from here.”
peter slipped into the seat beside you and smiled in greeting to natasha, whose eyes were bleary and unfocused. peter turned to shove his face close to yours.
“hm, maybe you should try juice cleansing. your skin is looking awfully dull today, unlike mine, which is dewey and radiant.”
you rolled your eyes. “sure, dude. look at your birdnest for hair.” you tangled your fingers through his mess of curls and scratched his scalp. peter couldn’t hide the content groan that slipped from his mouth.
“if my skin is dull, your hair is practically straw. unlike mine, which is easy, breezy, beautiful: covergirl.” you made a big show of preening your bedhead.
natasha made gagging noises. “alright, you two are disgusting. in more ways than one. can you please stop, because i’m so hungover right now and i will not hesitate to aim my projectile vomit onto one of your faces.”
you and peter looked at each other with big grins. peter shot finger guns at natasha. “eyy, that’s the spirit!”
--
you and peter found it especially funny to start these sorts of conversations in front of steve and bucky. not only were the two perplexed by modern lingo, they were also the most gullible two people on the team, which made them easy targets.
bucky and steve exchanged testosterone-fuelled jabs at each other in the sparring ring as you tied your shoelaces as peter sprayed his face with water. the two of you listened to the grunts of exertion and the various gruff noises that filled the air to appease the two supersoldiers’ masculinities.
you sighed, stretching your sore arms. you and peter had been fooling around with the gym equipment for an hour now, waiting for bucky and steve’s match to finish (and it didn’t look like either of them planned on backing down anytime soon). with a final tug on your shoelaces, you looked up at peter curiously, who blushed at your wide, innocent eyes. or perhaps he was just red from the exercise.
“you smell really good,” you commented, bumping your shoulder against his. “what cologne do you use?”
peter paused to consider his response. “it’s… my au naturale body odor. it’s cruelty free and uh, vegan.”
“that’s so earth conscious of you!” you gushed, running a warm hand up and down peter’s arm. though he was sweaty, gross, and overheated, he shivered at your touch.
“y-yeah. i haven’t showered in three weeks. it really enhances the… musky base notes of the scent. it’s very masculine,” he nodded as if he knew what he was talking about.
“well, it’s very aromatic. i like it.” you patted peter’s bicep definitively, jumping to your feet as you bent in half to stretch out your limbs. peter stared at your ass toned calves, and thought that he should work on his legs as well.
“oh hey, it looks like bucky and steve are done!” you pointed at the two heaving supersoldiers, who had stopped fighting altogether so they could stare at you and peter.
bucky mouthed “what the fuck?” to steve. steve mouthed “language” back.
--
peter was busy scrawling illegible physics notes as he, tony, and bruce watched planet earth intently. bruce was busy jabbering away at the “incredible biological discoveries” that david attenborough was narrating, and tony was absentmindedly filing his nails while occasionally poking peter in the back with his toe to correct him on a mistake he’d written.
“hey dad. bruce.” you caught sight of peter’s unmistakable form, hunched over the glass coffee table with papers scattered haphazardly across the surface and a bulletpoint pen between his teeth tha you found very seductive endearing.
“hey peter!” you squeaked. “it’s- uh, fancy seeing you here!” you blurted, cheeks heating as peter turned to you with his cute stupid fucking glasses.
“hey,” he raised his eyebrows. “you come here often?” peter purred lowly.
you gulped, unsure as to why he was bothering you so much today. maybe your period had come early.
“no, actually. i was stopping by to meet my real estate agent here; i’m loving this property,” you played along, tucking yourself into peter’s side.
“ah, well, they’re not here at the moment. i think they got stopped at security—something about smuggling exotic animals. but i could be your tour guide, if you want? i’m very… thorough.” peter waggled his eyebrows.
david attenborough began discussing whale mating habits.
“oh, are you now?” you challenged, biting your lip smugly as you watched peter began to stutter.
“y-yes, i am. and, as a matter of fact,” peter turned to pull something from his pocket. he presented you with a microfiber cloth. “i’m such a gentleman, i’ll even clean you up after.”
peter’s head was suddenly slammed into the glass table. tony had rammed his foot (not just the toes) against peter’s curls.
“stop sexing up my daughter, spiderling. i’ll take out your suit’s built-in heater.”
“i’m sorry, i’m so sorry, mr. stark,” peter sputtered.
you giggled at his immediate change in attitude. leaning in, you murmured into his ear. “me, you, my bedroom, nine pm. i’d like that thorough tour.”
neither of you were sure if the offer was genuine.
--
sam had invited the team to a backyard party with his family, but not without warning everybody to watch their language around the kids. (it was an empty threat; everyone knew sam would be the first to slip up.)
you were “chatting” with a little kid; in other words, nodding along as they infodumped about cretaceous period with surprising expertise for a 5 year old.
you felt a poke in your side and screamed embarrassingly loudly. peter stared at you for a second, cheeks puffing and lips pinching together, before he burst into laughter. spit went flying all over your face.
“ew, you nasty! eugh,” you made a big deal of it. looking at the kid, you pointed at peter. “c’mon, let’s attack him! like a… brachiosaurus!”
the kid looked at you disdainfully. “the brachiosaurus was a herbivore, idiot. and it lived during the jurassic era, not the cretaceous period.”
your jaw dropped at the child’s betrayal. the mini-paleontologist toddled away, leaving you and peter dumbfounded.
“i sure missed a lot,” peter gaped.
“i- apparently, yeah.” you tucked your head into peter’s shoulder, fiddling with your empty plate. conversation buzzed steadily around you, but you and peter only cared about each other.
the two of you sat in comfortable silence, watching as sam teased his sister and as wanda was unsuccessfully trying to teach bucky how to use a pair of tongs. (bucky insisted that his vibranium hand could do the same job.)
“so, how many of those things have you eaten?” peter pointed his chin towards your empty plate.
“uh, approximately four.”
peter nodded approvingly. “four’s pretty good. you still hungry though? i could go for some food right now.”
you smiled evilly, untangling yourself from peter. “oh petie… i’m always hungry. i was skeptical at first, but damn, do these barbeque grilled fetuses hit. they’re gluten free, i think.” 
you stood up and yelled over the table to sam. “hey, are these things gluten free?” you pointed to where wanda and bucky were tussling over the grill.
sam looked at you incredulously. “no?” 
you turned back to peter. “well, you heard the man. at least they’re ethically sourced, though. better eat up quick, before roe v. wade gets overturned. fuck scotus.”
“yeah, fuck scotus. i’m all for womens’ sexual liberation. anyway, once you’re done, can you fuck me too?” peter deadpanned.
you choked. “oh, wow. you got me that time. i concede. i-”
--
“so, what’ja do for your art project?” you and peter were entwined on a common area armchair, you resting casually on peter’s lap with one hand pressed to his chest and peter’s arms pulling you even closer to his body.
“i made a collage of my feet pics.”
“huh.” you nuzzled your nose into the collar of peter’s shirt, taking a deep inhale of his cologne (his actual cologne, not his au naturale body odor). “for free?”
“what?” peter, much like everybody else in the room (who were all clearly listening but pretending not to.)
“i mean, you’re showing your feet pics for free? you’re spiderman, pete. you could charge so much for them. here, you can use my onlyfans account.” you began to pull out your phone.
“DAUGHTER?” tony roared from the couch diagonal to the two of you. whoops.
“…father?”
“can somebody tell me why my pure, uncorrupted, virtuous daughter is in the lap of a hormonal, horny teenage boy? god knows what the white sticky stuff actually is…” tony cursed under his breath. “and would somebody like to explain why the words onlyfans, peter parker, and feet pics are being used in the same sentence and coming out of my daughter’s mouth?” 
you cringed at all the innuendos (intentional and unintentional) that tony had just dropped in front of nearly the entire team.
bruce choked on the sandwich he was eagerly chowing into. natasha choked on air. wanda was biting back a mischievous smile and steve looked like he was about to faint.
bucky leaned over to sam and loudly whispered, “what’s an onlyfans?”
--
friday rolled around, which meant it was time for the avengers’ weekly family bonding event. this week, it was movie night. wanda and natasha were clapping enthusiastically as sam and bucky danced along to the jingle bell rock winter talent show performance, which meant you and peter could snuggle up to each other and converse freely without fear of being overheard.
peter’s head was in your lap, and you were mindlessly scratching and tugging at his curls as you smiled at your teammates’ antics. even from this odd, unflattering angle, peter couldn’t help but think you were the most beautiful girl he’d ever seen. the television screen illuminated your face and made your eyes sparkle more than they usually did. and he had the perfect view of your lips—so soft, sensual, always containing such happiness, always begging to be kissed…
“hey bug?” you looked down at peter, smiling softly with the look you seemed to only reserve for him.
“hi,” peter whispered breathlessly, heart racing at the nickname. the corners of his eyes crinkled in the way that seemed to be only reserved for you.
“uh, this might be a- a little forward, but what are your weekend plans, ‘cause-”
“homicide.”
“excuse me?” you squinted at peter.
“you heard me. this weekend, i plan on committing homicide.”
you sniffed, a little disappointed in where the conversation had gone but willing to play along nevertheless.
“that’s it?”
“what do you mean, that’s it? what are you doing?”
you smirked deviously. “UR MOM!” you burst into a fit of giggles that peter found adorable, so he couldn’t stop himself from laughing with you.
“my mom- my mom’s dead!” he said through cackles.
the two of you looked at each other and only laughed harder, garnering the attention of the rest of the team. 
wanda opened her mouth to speak, but tony was too quick.
“alright, this has been going on for too long. peter, off of my daughter. daughter, off from… underneath the kid.” he cursed. “god, that sounds so wrong.”
“what?” you questioned, genuinely confused at what the issue was.
peter rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, a warm pink crawling up his cheeks and to the tips of his ears.
“what? the problem is, you two are discussing matricide in front of a team of superheroes, not to mention practically dry-humping each other in a public space! not that it would be acceptable in a private space, but you get what i mean,” tony gritted.
“while we’re at it, can we talk about how your daughter has a stash of breast milk? and peter has menstrual blood? where do you even get the menstrual blood, peter?” natasha shook her head before gasping in horror. “it’s not- it’s not hers, is it?”
you waved your hands. “no, ew, gross! on the plus side, if it were hypothetically mine, that would mean i’m not pregnant.”
tony glared at you, finger in the air pointing shakily at your chest.
“okay, am i the only person who’s worried about the murder bit? because i’m pretty sure the kids were talking about cannibalizing dead fetuses at the party i threw last weekend—”
tony shrieked. “excuse me? you just said you weren’t pregnant, missy. where are you getting the fetuses from?”
“i said, hypothetically, but anyway-”
tony slapped himself in the face a few times. “god, this is why we need to stock up on condoms around here. do you guys even have sex ed in school? i don’t care if the two of you,” he waved a finger between you and peter, “are doing the deed—wait no, i do—but please tell me you’ve had the banana demonstration.”
“tony, i think the kids are quite a nice couple,” steve chimed in bravely. tony spun around and gave him a withering glare, but the supersoldier didn’t back down. “i said what i said. well, peter should definitely shower more, three weeks is criminally disgusting, but other than that, they’re good for each other.”
wanda nodded seriously. “i can hear both of them thinking about jumping each others’ bones every time i see them together. it’s kind of annoying, actually. so if you just let them fuck, my mind would greatly appreciate that.”
bruce sighed. “the sexual tension is so obvious that david attenborough doesn’t even need to narrate it for me to identify it. it’s like when those two whales were mating…”
tony dragged his hands down his face, overwhelmed. you and peter’s hands had found their way closer to each other, despite your bodies being a modest distance apart, and your pinkies intertwined reassuringly.
“care to explain?” tony waved his hands around. “the sexual tension bit? the cannibalism? the feet fetishes? just… anything?”
“it was a joke, i swear, mr. stark!” peter jabbered desperately. “it’s… a game we play. where we try and come up with the most ridiculous conversations and then just keep it going.”
you nodded furiously. “right! and i’m totally the winner. none of it was real. plus, friday would have alerted you if i ever made an onlyfans account.”
tony stroked his chin contemplatively. “so, the sexual tension bit? that was also a joke?”
peter opened his mouth, “ye-”
you opened your mouth, “no!”
the two of you gaped at each other.
“what we mean to say is, no, it’s not a joke! yes, there is… sexual tension.” you widened your eyes at peter pleadingly.
tony mumbled angrily to himself, pacing the room as the avengers watched the live-action reality tv unfold before them.
“is there really sexual tension between is?” peter hissed at you.
“uh, yeah. unless you were being serious about wanting to thoroughly fuck me and also fuck me after i went through the entire supreme court, then no, that would just be flat-out sexual.”
peter pursed his lips. “right, okay then. you’re right. there is sexual tension between us.”
you mock pouted. “so you’re saying you don’t want to thoroughly fuck me?”
peter turned bright red just as tony turned to the two of you, who had gotten much closer to each other in the time that he’d been worrying.
“gross! i’m getting secondhand cooties. whatever, you guys go have a play date or something. just… please be more classy than cady and aaron, dear god. the teenage foolery in this movie is actually-” tony shuddered, unable to express himself with words.
“i’m still interested in the property, y’know?” you whispered.
“well then, can i extend another real estate tour offer?”
“absolutely. and i will gladly take you up on that offer.”
you took peter’s hand, the two of you giggling madly as you raced and slipped down the hall towards your bedroom. you heard tony groaning and whining from the common room before he shouted, “keep it pg-13 in there!”
.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.
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starstruckmoony · 1 year
Note
I am sooo glad you take requests! Feel free to decline this if you dont like the idea but can you write a fic with either James or Sirius (your choice :)) in which the reader fears intimacy and like has a hard time trusting people, which makes them not believe James/Sirius’ love so they think the flirting is just a friendship thing. And they cant understand why reader keeps running away but when they find out the reason James/Sirius tries to convince the reader to give their relationship a chance? I hope you like the idea, thank you so much in advance!!
thank you for the request anon!! sorry for taking too long with this, exams got in the way so my motivation for anything was pretty much below zero :") but i loooove this idea, so here you go! i hope you like it! <333
daylight.
masterlist
pairing - sirius black x reader
trope/tags - friends to lovers, fluff
word count - 3.6k
warnings - language
sirius black was what one may call a heartthrob. winning everybody over with the snap of a finger, being the main topic on everyone's diary pages, having people fall to their knees with a simple glance sent in their direction. some wanted to be him, some wanted him. he loved the attention, of course, the thrill of having so many people fall for you was rather addicting thing for a teenager, but he wanted someone else, and that someone just happened to be you. and it wasn't just a simple type of want, the "let's snog in the broomstick closet a couple of times till i get bored of you and find another", no. he wanted all of you. sirius black was in love, but it was really not going his way this time.
"i don't know why i keep getting rejected." sirius whined hopelessly, tossing his tie somewhere on the floor in frustration and slumping down onto his bed. the mattress squeaked from the impact, making remus look up from his open book.
"you've been on nine dates." james pointed out, trying to calm the other down. nine didn't seem like a big number to him (as he had gone on at least 30 with lily before she agreed to become his girlfriend), so the poor bloke got ignored. sirius kept on rambling thoughtlessly.
"that's the bloody problem, nine dates, prongs, nine! and you know what? they weren't even proper dates. not even proper dates! do you hear that? like are you getting that? not. even. proper. dates. fuck!" sirius grunted, falling back into his pillows with a rather distressed sounding sigh. remus rolled his eyes.
"they weren't?" peter chimed in. he wasn't usually the one who showed much interest in his friends' love lives, but he sure found  whatever the hell sirius had going on with you rather intriguing.
"'it was lovely hanging out with you sirius, you're a wonderful friend.' after each and every single one so, no, don't think they were." peter felt guilty for cringing, and he could only look towards sirius with a sympathetic glance.
remus, on the other hand, was finding the situation a bit ridiculous. he simply couldn't suppress a snort, and sirius did not fail to catch it, "what are you laughing at?"
"you." he threw a pillow in remus' face.
"give it more time, mate, i'm sure it'll work out eventually." james was really trying his best to reassure his best friend, but it was never easy with sirius. especially not now that you were in question.
"don't you think i'm trying? i'm– fuck. fucking fuck." he put his face into his hands, groaning loudly in distress."i think i'm gonna go mental." he said dramatically.
"seems like you're very serious about this, sirius." remus said nonchalantly, drawing laughs from both james and peter. sirius inhaled sharply. he was, indeed, very serious about you. it wasn't everyday that he actually felt like he was falling somebody, and it certainly wasn't everyday that he, sirius black, one of the most confident blokes in the whole bloody school, was turning red trying to talk to a person. and you just kept rejecting him, subtly that is. friend this, friend that. friend, friend, friend. he loathed the word. he wanted you, and not in the platonic sense.
"you lot are shit mates, you know that?" sirius huffed angrily, crossing his arms and sulking like a frustrated toddler.
"we love you too, padfoot." james blew a kiss his way, jumping up onto his feet when sirius began chasing after him with a wand in hand. they sped down the stairs from the dormitories and into the common room - sirius was yelling and james was laughing hysterically. the pair ran past the sofa where you and lily were sitting. you were pretty sure they fell over somewhere outside the portrait hole and were probably wrestling judging by the sounds they were making.
"that's the man you fancy, huh?" marlene scoffed from the corner of the room, giving you a judgemental stare. you shrugged, scratching the back of your neck in thought. yes, that was the man you fancied indeed. sometimes you wondered why, but then he'd lock his eyes with yours and every sense of doubt and uncertainty would wipe itself away. it wasn't all that easy, though.
"and lily's gonna marry his other half," mary put a hand over her heart, "how romantic." she wiped away a fake tear.
"romantic?" marlene said in disgust.
"oh sod off, you two." lily rolled her eyes. "sirius isn't half-bad." her way of speaking was so honest, it was suspicious. you squinted your eyes at her skeptically.
"what? can't really chat shit when my boyfriend is basically the same, minus the lack of critical thinking and self-awareness." lily winked at you. you put your face into your hands, screaming into them. you heard mary snicker.
"are we talking about the same james?" marlene teased, raising an eyebrow. you suppressed a laugh.
"we get it, you hate men." remus rolled his eyes as he appeared in the common room, and let himself fall onto the couch right next to you. he stared at you in amusement when he noticed your regretful expression.
"something on your mind?" he questioned.
"sirius," mary coughed, "sirius." she coughed again.
"oh." remus laughed to himself, and then went quiet. you thought, hoped, that the conversation would come to an end there, but remus had different intentions.
"do i create drama or not?" he said in thought, trailing his eyes over you and your friends. you pursed your lips in thought.
"oh, please do, the last interesting thing that happened was when marlene and dorcas were found snogging in the forbidden forest after attempting to use the imperius curse on one another." mary said desperately.
"and that was two months ago." lily added.
"i hate all of you." marlene made a face, and stuck a hand down her pocket to pull out a cigarette.
"alright then," remus smirked, throwing an arm around you, "sirius threw a tantrum about five minutes ago because you keep rejecting him." your eyes widened. you stopped breathing for a moment. what the hell?
lily's jaw dropped in amusement, marlene burst out laughing, and mary appeared to be coming up with plans on how to organise your wedding ceremony. for real this time.
"i'm sorry, what? he what– he did– remus–" you stumbled over your words, not knowing how to form them. sirius fancies you. you flung yourself backwards into the couch, your face was painted with worry. sirius black threw a tantrum because you rejected him. sirius fucking black threw a tantrum because you rejected him. "merlin's bloody beard, what the hell?" you ran your hands through your hair, exhaling exhaustedly.
luckily, none of your friends were that oblivious, and they quickly noticed that you weren't taking piss acting like nothing of this sort had ever actually been brought to your attention.
"hey, why the face? that's good news!"
"am i experiencing the consequences of miscommunication again?"
"i thought you fancied him!"
"are you okay?"
questions, so many questions and shocked and confused faces left and right. as much as you hated to admit it, you did owe them an explanation. this wasn't the only occasion on which people tried to tell you sirius was into you, but it was different this time because it was coming from remus. sirius was into you. he was into you. he was fucking into you. he wasn't just playing around like he does with others.
"i know, mary. and no, remus. and yes, i do, marlene. and honestly, lily, i don't know." you said it all in one breath, tiredly sighing. you'd been head over heels for the man for years, yet it always felt off. no one knew why though, you never brought it up. your friends knew you fancied him, but you never dared to tell them why you were pushing him away whenever he tried to initiate something. in truth, you were afraid of relationships and you feared intimacy. it wasn't something you could just overcome overnight. you had a difficult time trusting others and you were always vary of who you shared your secrets with and who you would open up to, anyway. so the thing was, it only became worse when it actually came to dating and falling in love.
to top it all off, sirius was naturally flirty, so you too, naturally, brushed it off and chalked it up to his normal, daily behaviour. you'd seen him jokingly flirt and kiss james, and mary, and marlene, and even remus who slapped him for it once, so you simply couldn't envision sirius returning the feelings when he was acting like every single one of his friends was also his significant other. all of that put together felt like an absolute train wreck and you didn't know what to do about it.
both lily and remus soon had their arms around you, and were looking at each other as if they were trying to find a way to telecommunicate and figure out what was wrong. marlene and mary moved over from the corner they were sitting in to the floor, and they were in front of you, with worried and comforting eyes.
"you can say what's wrong, y/n, it's alright." mary said, squeezing your knee reassuringly.
"we won't tell a soul." marlene added with a smile.
"it's just that– i'm– fuck," you started, not knowing if you should talk. you met lily's troubled expression and swallowed the lump on your throat,"i'm so horrified of relationships and sirius is– he doesn't– i thought he was just fucking around and i don't even know if i can trust him to not break my heart and i just– he's the same with everyone, you know, flirting and and all that and i don't want to be hurt and it feels like shit. actual, fucking shit. and intimacy– merlin, don't even get me started– it's scaring me, all of it. and then in the end– i just start feeling like i won't ever be loved, like truly loved, you know?"
"y/n–"
"don't 'y/n' me and try to say you understand." you snapped, "do you know what it feels like? looking at everyone around you all cuddly and giggly with their boyfriends and girlfriends and then feeling like you're going bloody mental because you want it too but you're fucking terrified of it all and then you can't tell if the guy you're into likes you back or not because he flirts with anything that fucking moves and breathes? no, you don't." you bit the inside of your cheek in frustration, and then tried to wiggle out of lily and remus' grasp, but they held you back.
"listen, to me, y/n. it's okay, alright? you're not going mental, or insane or anything like that. and i can assure you're not the only one who's felt like that before." remus said the words a bit unsurely, but not untruthfully. you leaned your head onto lily's shoulder.
"but, what can i do about it? i can't just ignore it all and hope it goes away." you said honestly. you had no idea what to do, and you were afraid that you had no other option but the one you wanted to avoid most.
"well, talking to sirius would be a good start." mary suggested. the other three nodded along.
"and then what?"
"then, assuming that he'll understand what you're saying, you'll feel better and maybe even get a boyfriend who will accept your fears won't force you to do things you don't want to do." lily finished, smiling affirmatively.
"but what if it doesn't work?"
"fuck him." marlene said without thinking, "no really, fuck him. you deserve someone way better, not some slimy prat who can't even respect the person he bloody fancies."
"fuck who and when and where?" sirius entered the common room, appearing rather dishevelled.
"speak of the devil." remus spoke under his breath.
"definitely not you, black." marlene stood up from the floor, returning to her spot in the corner and picking up her cigarette which was sitting in a make-shift ashtray. he flipped her off, and then ascended the stairs to the boys' dormitories.
the following week, something shifted. it's not like you and sirius drifted apart, you didn't, but he stopped being... him? no more hand touching, no more kisses on the cheek. but there were more questions, more asking of what you're comfortable with rather than just doing it immediately. and that's when you began suspecting he overheard your conversation with remus and the girls as you had sort of forgotten him and james were just outside the portrait hole.
in reality, that wasn't really the case. sirius just became kind of, well, depressed. after his little outburst in the dormitories, he lost all of that little hope he had for starting a relationship with you. he didn't know what he was doing wrong, and why you kept putting him in the friendzone when his friends had been telling him that you were clearly into him. was it you? was it him? was it neither of those things?
he became cautious. didn't want to touch you anymore, scared thinking that it upset you. didn't want to flirt with you either, terrified that it made you feel uneasy. his melancholy over it all began projecting onto everybody else around him.
james gave up on attempting to comfort him because he himself was too exhausted by sirius' constant state of dread. peter stayed out of it. and remus, well, remus was fed up with him and would have probably murdered him on a couple of occasions if james wasn't there to jump in and snatch his wand away.
"i still don't know what i did wrong. can someone tell me what i did wrong? 'cause i don't know what i did wrong!" sirius buried his face into his pillow, screaming into it. same thing, over and over, every day, every night.
james and peter glanced at each other, no words exchanged, and they both pretended to be occupied with something else. remus tried his best to ignore him, and continued writing the essay he was working on.
"is there something wrong with me? like geniuenly is there? am i fucked up? oh no, i might be fucked up, what if i really am?" remus' quill snapped. james let out a huff of frustration. peter hid in the bathroom. and sirius kept talking.
"y/n hates me, i just know it. it's 'cause i'm fucked up, that's what i get for–"
"merlin's beard, will you shut up?" remus finally snapped. sirius pouted, looking up at the ceiling with glossy eyes. the other boy sighed, standing up from his own bed and walking over to sirius'. he wasn't planning on ratting you out, you were supposed to talk to sirius and tell him everything yourself, but remus was tired. tired of looking at his friend go through a major case of self-destruction, and tired of having to endure it all. so remus talked, maybe when he shouldn't have, but he did not regret one bit of it.
***
"are you free right now by any chance?" sirius burst into your room a week later, uninvited and without making any previous announcements.
"uh–" you dropped your notebook and quill, awkwardly tossing them to the side, "yeah, definitely. "
"fantastic, let's go." he grinned, stuffing his hands into his pockets and trotting out of the room. you stood up from your bed and quickly put on some shoes, following after him. you happened to pass by james who gave you a pat on the shoulder. one more reason to think him and sirius know. great. fantastic. amazing. the lake was looking rather attractive today.
"where are we going?" you asked once you were by sirius' side.
"was thinking about a walk, nothing too crazy."
"oh, yeah, that sounds nice."
that's what you did. walked and talked around hogwarts, and in the end found yourselves sitting at the said lake despite the  clouds which started covering the sky. sirius never brought up what happened the week before, but you weren't sure if you could stay quiet any longer. it stressed you out more than all of your stupid exams combined, and really, he was going to find out one way or another.
"are you alright?" you asked. not a bad start, you told yourself.
"mhm, why wouldn't i be?" he responded, falling backwards into the grass in sighing in content. you followed his movements, lying flat onto your back.
"i don't know, you're too... alert. acting like i'd break if you touch me or something." you said, fumbling with your hands.
"what?" he turned his head to the side to look at you.
"you heard what i said that night on saturday, after we got back from hogsmeade, didn't you?" you were looking at him too.
"what are you on about–"
"how i said i fancy you but i'm scared of dating you because i'm horrified of getting intimate and i don't know if i can trust you not to hurt me?" you explained, thinking that it would help him remember. or stop playing around with you. he was quiet. you regretted speaking, and were ready walk off, and probably would have if he hadn't grabbed you by the hand when you tried to.
"no, wait! just wait, please." he choked out. and so you did.
"i stopped it all because i thought you didn't feel that way about me," he began, you listened attentively, "everyone told me that you did, and that it would work out and stuff, but i don't know, you always made sure i knew i was your friend, so i figured i should stop pestering you and just settle for that instead." he finished with a shrug.
"oh, no, sirius." you groaned, hugging your knees to your chest and burying your face into them. "and then, uhm," sirius licked his lips, as if he was trying to find the right way to form whatever he was going to say, "remus told me, uh, the same thing you just did." you looked up and at him, scanning his face for any sign of judgement and disappointment, but there was none of it.
"i was convinced he was taking the piss at first or trying to set me up for embarrassment or something 'cause i was getting on his nerves, don't even know what was going through my head," he laughed at himself, "but then i thought about what he said, and i was trying to find a way to talk to you and uhm..." he scratched the back of his head. "turns out i'm not that cool. every time i told myself i'll try, i felt like running off somewhere and hiding 'cause i was horrified you'd reject me. still am, honestly but that doesn't matter 'cause i still– i still wanna be with you, y/n."
you opened your mouth to speak, but nothing came out. sirius black left you speechless once again. he wanted to be with you, even after knowing that what he might get won't be like all of those others relationships he's had before.
"look, i really like you, and i don't think i've ever felt that way about anyone. i know that it doesn't sound convincing coming from me, but it's true. i wanna be with you, like i really, really do because i love you and i–" he cursed silently. a smile began forming on your face, and he wasn't even done yet. "can you give us a chance, please? i'll talk to you, you'll talk to me, we'll communicate everything, if i'm doing anything that's bothering you i'll stop, i'll ask questions, i'll try my best to make it feel right for you, i'll fullfill any wish you have–"
"sirius."
"and if you still don't feel ready or if you're still having doubts, it's okay. i'm not gonna force you to date me, we can be just friends, or break up and still be friends, or break up and never–"
"sirius!"
"what?"
"stop talking."
"okay."
"we can date."
"what?"
"i'll give you a chance."
"oh." he stared out at the lake in shock, his mouth hanging open slightly. "oh!" he turned to look at you, and the smile that stood on his face was brighter than any star in the sky. he pressed his own hands against his cheeks, touching the as if he was trying to check if they were warm or not.
"am i turning red?"
"a little bit." you snickered, your eyes never leaving him. the relief you felt was indescribable. you'd gone out with him today, terrified of what might happen, thinking that you'll lose him forever. and then there you were, with sirius black blushing right in front of you because he was madly in love with you.
"can i uhm–" he cleared his throat, shaking his head for a moment in attempt to get out of the haze that he was stuck in, "kiss... you...?"
"yeah." you said the words in a small voice. the panic on sirius' face was pretty noticeable, and you would have probably laughed in his face to cope with awkwardness you were feeling yourself if he hadn't kissed you before you could. he hesitantly cupped your cheek with his hand, but when you let yourself relax into his touch, he was calmer too.
you pulled away from each other after a few seconds, and you could see that sirius was having hard time holding back a grin. this time you laughed in his face, he laughed at you for laughing at him, and the cycle only continued.
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silverzoomies · 2 months
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ANOTHER IM SO SORRY I PROMISS ILL SHUT UP BUT
im a singer, i always have been, been belting out since i was like 3, my mums always karaoked with me, its my whole thing.
KARAOKE. WITH PETER.
MY PERSONAL FAV KARAOKE SONGS, THE ONES I THINK HE'D BELT OUT WITH ME AS ENTHUSIASTICALLY AS I DO?
Dont stop believin - journey, but we'd split it like the glee version so its a duet, livin on a prayer - bon jovi, its canon he would, I'd do anything for love - meatloaf, think i knew all the words to this at 4? he so would belt it w me, PARADISE BY THE DASHBOARD LIGHT - MEATLOAF. HE WOULD.
Honourable mention to Woman by wolfmother IVE BEEN TOLD I USED TO VIOLENTLY KICK TO THIS IN THW WOMB AND ITS STILL A FAV. he'd sing it with me i swear
PLEASE DON'T APOLOGIZE !!! i will never ever complain about people talking to me are you kidding???
KARAOKE WITH HIM !! I HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT IT SO OFTEN ITS RIDICULOUS !!!! especially after i watched ahs. those scenes with austin sommers singing are like a peek into what peter would sound like doing karaoke. and oh my god,,, im a mess over it,,, he'd sound sooooo beautiful and silly
the long-form fic im writing abt peter has a karaoke scene actually. i still might never post it. but there's a bit where he lies on the floor lazily singing comfortably numb lmao
HE'D FUCKIN ACE DON'T STOP BELIEVIN !!! Y'ALL WOULD KILL IT !!!! DUUUUUDE MEAT LOAF TOO!! THERE'S SO MANY SONGS BY THEM HE'D BE PERFECT FOR !! do a duet to paradise by the dashboard light i fuckin dare you !!! i dARE YOU !!
some other songs i've thought about him singing: queen's don't stop me now, the guess who's these eyes, tears for fears everybody wants to the rule world (only because its my fav song like,,, ever), toto's africa would be too perfect as well
it's cute you're so passionate abt music btw that's something he'd hella vibe with,,, just share your music tastes with each other,,
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burning-sol · 1 year
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GUHHHH once again thinking about how hard an apotheosis vs riptide fight would go mannn. i am imagining a choreographed fight in my heeaaadddd.
apotheosis vs riptide. its set up as a gameshow so non lethal but like go off and be as deranged as u want u know what i mean. when it starts the pcs are a bit disorientated because where the fuck are they?? help??? theyre introduced to the premise of the game. differing reactions. peter "no", exandroth "YES", gillion "sounds like fun!! i accept this challenge!!!", thanatos "what is the point of this", rumi "yeah exactly thanny we dont gotta do this i dont want to fight", chip "exactly!! (going to pee his pants at the sight of thanatos)", jay "yo but i could totally take them in a fight??" but you know they cant go home if they dont play and its not LETHAL so they agree. besides, both teams are relatively confident?
les go!! count down 3 2 1 and the teams are fighting. each pc naturally splits off to face against the best fitting match. chip vs rumi, peter+exandroth vs jay, gillion vs thanatos. they start off confident but very quickly things go WRONG... the godslayers are like strong WAYY strong and the albatrio are taking hits man. this one on one is going down and it really starts dredging up all their anxieties. chip doesnt feel like he's a good leader, he's not confident, he doesn't know what he's doing, rumi is tripping him up repeatedly and doesnt even seem phased. gillion thinks he's strong but he's getting SLAMMED by thanatos and gillion is freaking out because oh god he's not strong enough, he can't protect his friends, he's going to LOSE. jay she's fuckinnngg usually a good shot like she deals DAMAGE she's grown UP being the good shot, she spent her childhood training, but it literally just doesnt phase whatever the fuck she's fighting, it's not making a good enough dent.
shit aint working so the albatrio scramble and change their matchups. gillion vs rumi, chip vs peter+exandroth, thanatos vs jay. gillion is so brute force that rumi is forced back a bit. chip is. chip. exandroth is struggling to hit this little worm. jay keeps her distance from thanatos and is able to get some good shots in. they're chipping away at the godslayers it looks like they're getting up and. well. the godslayers are getting bitter abt it they got sensitive egos so they muster up enough coordination to knock chip and jay back, and they DOWN gillion. and holy shit the albatrio are gonna LOSE but half time is called. dear god. just in time.
jay gets gillion back up but evidently, they're not winning k? like fuck it sucked so bad that the godslayers started off kicking their ass, but downing gillion?? GILLION TIDESTRIDER??? that was an emotional blow so hard they're going to need to have a big cry after this. but you know how the albatrio are, they have the brain power, they're gonna scheme on how to take down these bitches.
and if you're wondering how the godslayers are doing at half time they're feeling pretty good about themselves. exandroth takes a nap after healing up thanatos and rumi, rumi fawns over peter like "are you okay???" "yeah rumi im okay" "rumi, stop babying peter he is fine" "i love you peter" "huh???"
second half starts up again and BOOM THE COORDINATION. the godslayers work okay together but we've plucked them out at a point in the story where not everyone is on the same foot... but the albatrio?? babygirl, they've been friends for a while!!! the point is friendship is fucking magic and with the power of their teamwork they strategise so good they take down the godslayers one at a time. i dont know exactly how but it's definitely a mix of something ridiculous and actual good observation and good planning. GOD SLAYERS KNOCKED OUT BABYYY.
in the bg i like to imagine that dm condi and grizzly were like commentating the entire time btw, and dm condi was so confident in his team. then he just starts crying at the end like "NOOOO HOW DID THEY LOSE" dm grizzly laughs "MWAHAHAH I KNEW IT I KNEW THEY'D WIN anyways that's the end of the game!! thank you for playing everyone!! bye bye!!" and every1 gets sent home.
this is the narrative that's been trapped in my brain for a long time. do you see it. do you understand. *shakes you* do you get it????
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80pairsofcrocs · 1 year
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2022 || fic recs
these are most of my favorite fics from 2022!! please check some out, because these people are extremely talented
some of these people are my mutuals, where others are people i’ve never even spoken to in my life, but that doesn’t change anything so enjoy!
some may be smut too so MDNI
(all fics marked as ongoing are ongoing as of before 2023)
~~~
MARVEL
moon knight
Transitions - by @yikesitskennawrites - one of my favorite platonic moon knight series by my bestie (ongoing)
One Fin Wonder - by @m4xedout - another favorite of mine by my other bestie :) (ongoing)
Limitless - by @missdictatorme - the power this series has over me>> (ongiong)
Also literally all of the oneshots by @missdictatorme - i love them all sm i cant-
The Shape of You-niverse - by @bit-dodgy-innit - i’ve been reading these as they come out and let me tell you, they are so well thought out and i absolutely love the concepts for each chapter. 10/10 smut too
spiderman/peter parker
Sugar and Vice - by @liz-allyn - its a mob!peter!! i love this series so far, im always checking the page to see if a new chapter is posted lol hope it gets spicy soon (ongoing) TASM!PETER
That one drunk peter drabble by @luveline posted back in april - always love seeing that one :) TASM!PETER
Flexible - oneshot by @spidernerdsblog - made me laugh so hard like deadass TASM!PETER
Ridiculous - Extremely Ridiculous - two-part smutshots by @peterthepark - i love blonde frat peter sm TASM!PETER
~~~
THE UMBRELLA ACADEMY
(these are only Five fics lol)
Of Starlight - And Dusk - To Nightfall - following the three seasons is this series by @dumdumsun - ive been loving this series for a long time now, cant wait to see how it ends (third season ongoing)
Timeless - by @fiveisnumber1 - ive only read one chapter so far and im already invested (ongoing)
anything tua by @supercoffeeblogs - absolutely adore everything you write
Sshh - by @cxlynv - its smut. thats it. thats the description. it made my insides tingle
Retired - by @justasimp1 - its more smut and i love it.
I Dont Need a Partner - by @lady-ashfade - i love wanda!y/n so much and i love five and the readers relationship in this one
Venom - by @rcksmith - yay more smut but it actually has a plot!
~~~
thank you for reading, and hope to enjoy 2023 with all of you :)
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milimeters-morales · 2 months
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been thinking of 1048 Miles taking a day off since it’s the weekend, or he’s out of college for a break, or he’s just taking it easy whatever. and he wants to hang out with his friends but Peter keeps calling him for increasingly ridiculous non-spidey stuff that Miles really doesn’t wanna do, so Peter calls Ganke because Miles wasn’t picking up the phone, and Miles has to silently tell him “DONT LET HIM KNOW IM HERE” because he KNOWS Peter can hear much better through the phone than a normal person. Cue Miles literally running away when Peter calls and is like “i know he’s there! i can hear him breathing ask him to help me paint my living room”. also for a bit of humor: if Miles hangs out with other people Peter also finds a way to call them too even if he doesn’t have their number. Peter calls while Miles is on a ferris wheel with a friend and he’s like “put me on speaker 😈 he can’t run now..”
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arttrampbelle · 3 months
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Disney villain confessions:
Fave Disney villain and why: look it's really really hard to choose. But if i had to. Judge claude frollo. Simply because let's be honest. We will NEVER get a villain like that ever again. Dark,real,raw,and complex af. He's not enjoying being a villain let alone thinking he is one. One could argue he is a victim of the very faith he claims. Ah yes. That guilt be thicc boiz! But anyways,i feel he deserves the top spot because solely of the simplicity in the character and the fact he is ironically the most human in his downfall,his motives,his anger. And that my dears is what is terrifying.
The most closest to him in my fave list is hades but that's because he is the closest to his actual mythos counterpart. Chill,funny,just wants to do his job and everyone is making that a problem for some reason. Because some douchebag son of zuse wanted to show off and be a heroic epic. Thats it. The grand scheme of disneys Hercules is funny af if you really think about it. And meg,honey,he's cute and nice and all that but really?! But it's funny more so because greek mythos is kinda ridiculous too. But ya know.
Oh and captain hook. But more so the character in the movie hook. So damn good. R.i.p robin williams. I love you and miss you so much. He was like a childhood friend to me and i cried when i heard of his passing. Plz in all seriousness,check on your loved ones. Advocate for better mental health care. But back to disneys hook in peter pan. He was fun. Just plain fun to me. It was the feeling on playing on a playground,and that was the point. Tho it could get twisted and dark real quick. Oof. But as for overall. He's fun. I think he's neat and charming.
Scar. Oh my god,Jeremy irons. Legit blew his voice out for this character. Great villain. 10 outta 10.
All the lady Disney villains absolutely kill it but we already knew. Cept mother gothel to me. I feel she's redundant. Cool character,fun. But overall redundant in the grand scheme of things. At least compared to other villains,motives and overall vibe. *shrug* i dont hate her. I just feel she's pointless. Dont hate me plz.
But sadly as all the villains are great. Frollo is my top one.
Now onto my least favorite disney villain:
Gaston. Yeah. I mean he served his purpose. His role. But he's the least appealing of the classic villains. As for any new villains? Nah none of them are as appealing as the classics. They are golden years and renaissance for a reason. you just dont see any oomf to disney villains anymore. Hans is a close 2nd. It's legit just gaston but "pretty" and frozen and motives are weak. Gaston is at least upfront. We know what he's about. But overall I'd punt him into the sun. Hell i feel a lot of Disney villains would find this guy obnoxious and eff him up on spot. I feel it would even make frollo,the most repressed man alive,pissed off and defending belle from this douche. Frollo ffs. Just saying in hypothetical. Look it's no shade to gaston stans and enjoyer. He's a great villain. But he's the least appealing because to me,he's slightly boring but he serves his purpose so i can't hate 100% either. But hans? Nah nobody likes him. Nobody i know.
Again these are just my opinions. No shade to any Disney villain truly. But i neeeeeed oomf,that spice,that charisma,that je ne sais quoi so to speak. I need tragedy,comedy,and either a simple to follow motive or something so complex and straightforward it's believable. Which comes to my point. MAKE THE BULLSHIT BELIEVABLE!!!
Which is why we dont see many disney villains that are appealing anymore.
Now onto fave Disney villains songs.
Omg too many!
Helfire still ranks as my most fave a chilling song.
Poor unfortunate souls. Hell yeah Ursula my girl killed that! Love you sweetheart.
Be prepared. Once again. Jeremy irons rules.
I got friends on the other side. Princess and the frog. Underrated af. And that song is catchy and i love jazz. Lousiana. And this soul that is put into this song? Absolutely delicious.
Overall. I absolutely love Disney villains. And honestly. I loved them more than the princesses. Sorry. But definitely more than most disney princes. Until naveen,i didn't care for any of em really. Maybe beast but more so as beast so it doesn't count. And yes,some that aren't "official" princesses,i count as princesses. Because they are to me. And disney can suck it for that. But yeah naveen was fun,simple,cute,and he actually got character development in the movie. Pretty sweet. The only disney prince i felt earned his princess. That's the gospel truth. Hee hee.
Ok anyways im done ranting and raving about Disney villains.
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