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#harley keener quotes
marvel-lous-guy · 2 years
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Peter: If you think I'm short you should see my attention span
Harley: and if you think thats short, you should see his dick
Peter: Hey-!
Peter: ...if you think that's short you should see my will to live
Tony: if you think that's short, you should see how close I am to sending you to therapy twice a week instead of once
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dana-is-snax · 3 months
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ST*RKERS DNI
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headcanonthings · 1 year
Conversation
Tony, texting Harley while in a meeting: Call me in five minutes and say I gotta come get you.
Harley: On a scale of 1 to 10, what kind of emergency is this.
Tony: 10, get me out of here.
Harley: Put me on speaker, I'll even start crying.
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strangeironaf · 1 year
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*Family group chat*
Tony: who the fuck added me to a fucking group chat?
Peter: >:0 language
Morgan: yeah dad, watch your fucking language
Stephen: OKAY WHO TAUGHT MORGAN THE FUCK WORD
America: 'the fuck word'
Pepper: Are you stupid? You guys use the f word all the time.
Harley: oh my god she censored it
Tony: Say fuck Pepp
Christine: do it Pepper. Say fuck.
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TONY: Stephen and I--
PETER: Are getting married?
STEPHEN: No, we--
HARLEY, PULLING OUT A GIANT BINDER: Sit down. We've planned out the entire thing.
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hearts-4buck · 4 months
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Marvel + incorrect pictures (mostly young avengers)
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Tony: think about the possibilities, you could stab your enemies with this
Stephen: it isn’t efficient: the heat will immediately close the severed arteries.
Harley: I’m sorry Stephen, but it actually works just fine.
America: and you just witnessed a Gryffindor, a Ravenclaw and a Slytherin having a conversation.
Peter: why use it to cut people when you can have toasts?!
America: and here’s the Hufflepuff
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Harley: Doc won’t be able to trace this back to us- Peter: Are you for real? He traces everything back to us! He traces things we haven't even done back to us!
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itsagentromanoff · 8 months
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Strange: [going through Peter's room with Tony] First rule of ransacking- remember where everything goes.
[Snaps pictures with phone]
Tony: You're going to make a really good father someday.
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[ Someone says something 15/18+ ]
Steve: The children are here.
Kate: I'm twenty-fucking-three.
Wanda: I'm russian.
Tony: Peter is from Queens.
Peter: I've got nothing to say abt that.
Harley: I'm much worse then all of you.
Wade: You're not counting me as a child anymore.
Clint: Why the hell we adopted them?
Kate: *blink blink*
Clint: Oh yeah, nevermind.
Bonus
Sam: I thought the hawk girl is like, twelve.
Bucky: How they all ended up here?
Natasha: Since when there's so many kids?
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marvel-lous-guy · 2 years
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Peter: The only thing I was good at before I was bitten by that spider was breathing
Harley: Don't be ridiculous
Harley: You had asthma
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incorrect-assvengers · 6 months
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Peter: 11 year old me would think current me is insane
Harley: He'd be right
Harley: 11 year old me would call current me a slur
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headcanonthings · 9 months
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Harley: Tony, can you sign something for school? Tony, shaking his head: If I sign this, you're going to have to learn how to forge my signature. If you sign it from the start, you'll be able to sign whatever you want and they'll never know.
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strangeironaf · 1 year
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Harley: Small creatures are much more vicious because they have a smaller body to bottle up all their emotions.
Peter: Ridiculous. Give me some examples.
America: Wasps?
Tony: Terriers?
Stephen: Tony.
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funkylittlebidiot · 4 months
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Harley: please! You HAVE to remember Peter! He’s really annoying and talks too much and his friends are always in our business for some reason- but he’s your son and my brother!
Stephen: it’s okay, Harley, we believe you.
Tony: You really love him, huh?
Harley: yeah! And you guys love him too!
Peter: Most of the time more than him!
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emmedoesntdomath · 4 months
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peter, facedown into a pillow: I hate him
mj, reading next to him: I thought you wanted to have his children?
peter: I can be multifaceted!
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