One person's tone is off and suddenly I'm incapable of moving or feeling anything other than feelings as extreme as grief for hours on end and I'm unable to communicate or talk to people to be able to ask for help or reassurance to fix the problem. Why does my brain have to react this way

This is hell. Like literally hell.

I'm falling backwards. I'm literally rotting. This isn't even existing. It's like I'm just dragging my feet waiting for it to end.

thinking about hurting myself all the time

THE GRATITUDE CHRONICLES: NOTICING THE EXTREME

Sometimes my thoughts are so extreme it’s offputting the people.

When I want to be generous to people, I tend to be extremely generous

When I really like someone, I’m friends with someone I tend to really get extreme in that

When I’m really excited about something, I am so overly excited you would think that I was a 10-year-old kid on Christmas.

When I work out I usually go full out. Some people in the club joke with me and tell me I’m an overachiever

When I get really upset about something, I feel like my life is over with it at times

When someone does something to hurt me, I usually will think of five other things that have happened with the person and they probably aren’t even aware of the five other things, but I let it destroy me

The fact that I am analyzing, and noticing this behavior for me is a huge plus. It allows me to make corrections and move forward. I have some friends that say that this is nobody’s business and they are correct. But I share my journey and hopes that people are struggling that they know they’re not alone.

Judgment is one of those things that can difficult to deal with. Whether its self judgment or we get it externally from peers, its scary for me. I feel like I have been judged by so many people growing up. It's triggering. I just do what I can and move forward. It's the best we can do, and we can keep moving forward and doing the best we can do.

I certainly hope one day some of the puzzle pieces fit for me as I hope the best for you.

What is splitting?

Splitting is described as the inability for a person to hold opposing thoughts, feelings, or beliefs. Essentially seeing the world in Black and White, good or evil, all or nothing. 

Splitting is considered a defense mechanism, in the likeness that a person with BPD will use it to view people, events, and even themselves in black or white standards. Splitting can allow them to readily distance or cut off themselves from things they’ve labeled “bad” while simultaneously using it to embrace and latch on to things they’ve deemed “good”, even if these things can be considered harmful or risky. 

Can splitting be harmful to relationships? Absolutely. Splitting can be very difficult for both parties to handle, for the reason that splitting can come on quickly with little to no reason, and it can result in going back and forth on views of the matter from moment to moment, with no middle ground for discussion. People who split are often viewed as overly dramatic or overwrought. From an outside perspective, this behavior can be very exhausting. 

What are some examples of splitting?

Opportunities can either have "no risk" or be a "complete con"

People can either be "evil" and "crooked" or "angels" and "perfect"

Science, history, or news is either a "complete fact" or a "complete lie"

Things are either "always" or "never"

When things go wrong, a person will feel "cheated," "ruined," or "screwed

♡ Writeblr intro ♡

Hello!

I may be a new to writeblr but am by no means a new writer. I’ve been writing since I can remember, and it’s one of my dreams to be published :) 

fun fact : I used to hate writing poetry because I couldn’t rhyme to save my life...still can’t rhyme, but LOVE writing poetry now! I know poetry doesn’t need to rhyme but it took myself a long time to convince myself of that!

 Now I spend most of my days online thinking of new ideas for poems, short fiction, and novels. 

I have three WIPs right now. One is a poetry book called Spilled Milk, the other is a short story collection called A Promise to Make is a Promise to Break, and the third and final one is a novel I am working on called Airplane Mode.

I love surrealistic stories and poems. I’m a fan of psychological thrillers and contemporary fiction. I enjoy the nitty gritty that most people are to uncomfortable to actually talk about, not because it is stuff that I support but rather I want people to get an inside look of from a different perspective. I want people to be perplexed and disgusted all at the same time. Think, Lolita.

I identify as nonbinary using the pronouns they/them, I am 18 and bisexual. I have a boyfriend whom is the light of my life (and fire of my loins.) I’ve been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder since I was fourteen years old and it has been a fucked up journey, one that I’m not even half way done with yet. It’s a hard illness but I truly believe it has made me as great of a writer as I am now. I want people to see the truly dark sides of mental illness, not the overly glamorized ones. I want them to see the abuse of others, the guilt tripping, the unintentional manipulation, all of the things that make people angry - and all of the things that are all apart of mental health, The ones that aren’t glamorized or talked about nearly enough.

If you want to see some cool, twisted, messed up writing give me a follow and reblog! I want some mutuals :) if you want some more writing friends also hit that follow button!

Realizing the world would keep spinning if you were gone can be obvious at times, and other times be devastating.

Borderline Personality Disorder, also known as BPD. BPD effects how one feels about themselves and others that come into their lives. Many say it starts off as Bipolar, but leaving untreated it leads to BPD, but who knows when everything started for sure, but I am trying to figure out how to just make this illness apart of me, instead of battling with myself everyday. I have always been good at…

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@the_borderline_bat I definitely feel the same way #bpd #bpdawareness #bpdthings #bpdsupport #bpdwarrior #bpdstigmatism #bpdlife #bpdsuck https://www.instagram.com/p/Cc-FryxhO6j/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

Life part 2. I've lost everything but a small amount of will. Kids, family, friends, home. So, here I am. Just me. Time to find out who that really is and it is not BPD. BPD is an unfortunate illness that I am learning to control. Now to remember it doesn't define me and see what really does when stripped naked and vulnerable. So begins my journey.

I have BPD. I have PTSD. I have stress related paranoia and dissociative episodes. These issues don't make me toxic, or pathetic, or worthless. It means that I have a disorder and struggle to regulate my emotions. BPD SUCKS, and I know that walking this path alone sucks more. You are not alone. I am not alone. We are here for each other ❤️ #raiseawareness #standtogether #bpdsucks #borderlinepersonalitydisorder Https://www.facebook.com/groups/bpdstandtogether

The urge to isolate myself is so real at the moment. The urge to shut myself off from everyone, the urge to distance myself and stop contacting people is so present right now. I don’t know why but every year over the Christmas and new year period I feel the urge to hide myself and go off radar for a while. Maybe it’s because I’m so scared of feeling lonely, that it’s easier to block everyone out, it’s easier to pretend I don’t care. I wish we could just skip the festive period and just be like oh okay cool it’s a new year and just carry on and get on with life without big interruptions like New Years celebrations, I know I sound miserable, maybe I am. I wish I could feel positive about New Years celebrations but I always tend to just feel as though it’s a massive anti climax. Maybe it’s because I’ve never really had a chance to celebrate New Years? Anyone else ever feel like this big mixed up bag of emotions at Christmas/New Years? Or is it just me? I want to be able to celebrate my achievements of the year, I feel like I’m having this huge argument with myself because I know I’ve achieved loads and made a lot of progress but my brain is like LOL NO YOU SUCK. Bpd is rly fun 👌🏻 #newyearseve #lonely #lonelygirl #lonelynewyear #fucknewyears #imtired #bpd #angry #fedup #mixedemotions #emotionalcocktail #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #borderlinepersonality #bpdproblems #bpdthings #bpdawareness #bpdlife #bpdsucks #mentalhealth #exhausted #chronicpain #chronicfatigue #alwaystired #alliwantforchristmasisgoodmentalhealth #mentalillness #abandonmentissues #abandonment #blackandwhitethinking #splitting #dissociation #depersonalization #idealization #idealise #ideation #borderlineandsurviving #mymhjourney

#bpdsucks #bpdawareness #hsp #dbt #tormentingthoughts #thinkpositive https://ift.tt/2RgtM5L

Tell me about yourself... worst question to ask me. I have no damn clue what to say 🤦‍♀️ #BPDSucks #ConfusedIdentity

My lungs are filled with water, I am drowning.