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#splitting
ashersskye · 4 months
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Here is my controversial mental health take of the day: your negative emotions are not the problem, its the way you handle them that becomes the problem. You being jealous that your friend hung out with someone else and didn't tell you, is actually not the problem. It's when you choose to get angry with them, yell & lash out, or passive aggressively do something they hate to get revenge, or when you ignore them and isolate and self harm, those are all harmful ways to cope with your feelings. Rather than react, take the time to validate yourself, because it's normal to feel jealous or left out and chances are that there are deeper abandonment wounds that are triggered here, probably from your childhood. Take a moment to pause before you react. Then try a direct and open communication to your friend instead. Because I guarantee you they'll respond so much better to you opening up a conversation with, "hey, I felt left out when you hung out with so-and-so without me, can we talk about that? And maybe hang out soon?" Rather than the now laborious and torturous emotional work of having to feel guilty for your rage when you lash out or get revenge. Splitting is normal, because who doesn't get pissed off at someone you're close with? Your switching emotions from highly affectionate to devaluation are not the problem. Everyone gets disgusted & hurt by someone they love at some point in our lives, especially small offenses, I guarantee you chances are that person isn't doing it on purpose and would gladly like to know how you feel, these emotions and conversations are normal and necessary for humans to have. But the inability to clearly and directly communicate your feelings and needs to that person when you are hurt is what makes it toxic. You can absolutely learn how to handle your reactions in a safer manner, how to identify when you're feeling hurt, and how to communicate and ask for clarity and resolution rather than react and escalate. Communication is the backbone of every relationship you will ever have. This is what the emotional work of most personality disorders looks like.
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furiousgoldfish · 7 months
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I miss the person I was but that person would not have survived this
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whororhoe · 2 years
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everyone leaves everyone leaves everyone leaves everyone leaves everyone leaves everyone leaves everyone leaves everyone leaves everyone leaves everyone leaves everyone leaves everyone leaves everyone leaves everyone leaves everyone leaves everyone leaves everyone leaves everyone leaves everyone leaves everyone leaves everyone leaves everyone leaves everyone leaves everyone leaves everyone leaves everyone leaves everyone leaves everyone leaves everyone leaves everyone leaves
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clovelie · 2 months
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all i can do is act fine while this disorder ruins my life and everything around me! i can't even hold up anything anymore because of the splitting! how am i supposed to hold up another 40 years with this!!!
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hisenemy · 9 months
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artofmaquenda · 8 months
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Sketch..
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taughtsauce · 1 year
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splitting is just
no one will ever get to know me like you. you never even knew me at all. i don’t want to see you again. i miss you more than you’d understand. let me give you everything you need. why do you only take from me? i wish we could go back to how we were. it didn’t mean anything to me. you’re my world. i fucking hate you. maybe i’ve been the problem. all you do is fucking tear me apart. the distance has been hard on me. i’m thriving without you here. i know you always care. you don’t even think of me.
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loverofmirage · 9 months
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When someone disagrees with me and I can feel my brain slowly putting them in the "worthless person with an invalid view of reality who doesn't deserve my time" box
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funeral · 3 months
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Although metacognition is generally considered one single entity, the main descriptions in the literature on borderline mental functioning seem to refer to disorders in individual sub-functions, each causing different and specific clinical phenomena. The metacognitive dysfunctions in BPD are, in particular, an inability to integrate states of mind and related processes, emotional disregulation and an inability to differentiate between fantasy and reality.
Kernberg ascribes this non-integration among states of mind to a massive use of primitive defence mechanisms, with borderline personality organisation arising from an excess of aggressive impulses, which is partly constitutional and partly of traumatic origin. The aggressiveness gets projected onto another and this projective identifcation leads, therefore, to a representation of the other as terrifying and persecutory, although patients feel, nevertheless, the need to protect the relationship. To do this, therefore, they resort to a second primitive defence: splitting. Both the self and the object get split into totally good, idealised representations and other totally bad and rejected ones.
Antonio Semerari and Donatella Fiore, "Borderline personality disorder: model and treatment"
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hauntedselves · 2 years
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Splitting in Personality Disorders
Splitting is often talked about in Borderline Personality Disorder, but it’s also a feature of other PDs as well.
Splitting refers to when something triggers a switch in a person with a PD’s view of something or someone. This thing or person can be anything or anyone, from loved ones to concepts to items to themselves.
Splitting is a psychological defense against contradiction: if someone is good they can’t be bad, and vice versa. For example, because of childhood abuse, a person sees their mother (their abuser) as entirely bad and their father as entirely good. This keeps them from having to realise that their father may have been complicit in their abuse as well, and that their mother had other factors in her life (usually having been abused as well) that influenced her decision to abuse.
BPD:
In BPD, splitting is between seeing someone or thing as either all-good or all-bad. The classic example is splitting on a loved one, so that at one moment the borderline will see them as perfect, and after the split they see them as a waste of time.
Examples of splitting in BPD:
I love you / I hate you
I’m loved / I’m hated
My relationships are safe and secure / You’re going to abandon me
I want to be part of you / I can’t stand to be close to you
You are perfect / You are worthless
I’m a good, passive person / I’m bad and too angry
NPD:
In NPD, splitting happens on themselves and their self-image. They see themselves as perfect to cover up the feeling of being imperfect. When they face shame, which they are very sensitive to, they split on themselves and go into a shame/depression spiral. Or they may split on an idealised person and devalue them.
Examples of splitting in NPD:
I’m perfect / I’m worthless
You’re superior to me / I’m superior to you
I deserve everything / I deserve nothing
You admire me / You look down on me
SZPD:
In SZPD, schizoids split on their relationships between themselves and others. They fear becoming too close to people, so they withdraw and isolate themselves. They fear that, in becoming close, they’ll lose their autonomy and independence. But they also want close relationships, because it helps them feel more connected.
Examples of splitting in SZPD:
I have no human needs / I want to be human
I don’t need relationships / I want to feel close to someone
I am a slave to others / I am of no use to anyone
I’m isolated but in control / Others are in control of me
If I let myself be close to people I’ll lose myself / If I isolate I’ll lose the ability to connect
I haven’t been able to find anything on splitting in the other PDs, but I think it’d be very interesting to see if other PDs experience similar things too!
Sources:
Borderline, Narcissistic, and Schizoid Adaptions: The Pursuit of Love, Admiration, and Safety by Elinor Greenberg (2016)
@.schizotaxic’s The Superiority Complex Defence Mechanism post
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shapeshiftingsinner · 2 years
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Splitting! A guide from someone with BPD:
1: *Trigger happens*
2: *incomplete anxiety thoughts start to come in droves*
3: *split:everything is bad-this is all my/your fault- I want to die- I want to fight- self harm or violence if provoked further, delusional thinking related to past experiences, sometimes partial or full amnesia depending on emotional severity*
4: *slowly word vomit becomes more and more existential and less about topic at hand?*
5: *reach numb phase where I am just existentially depressed and self aware*
6: *pass out in emotional exhaustion*
7: *wake up basically anew, situation is less of an issue, have forgotten majority of it except how I felt before I snapped*
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plural-affirmations · 4 months
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Here's to new system members!
A large part of being plural is gaining new headmates, whether intentionally or otherwise, so I think they deserve some recognition!
Shoutout to:
People who don't know anything about themselves yet
System members who have known exactly who they are since they formed
Anyone feeling confused or overwhelmed right now because they're new
Those who need help from others to figure out how things in their life work
Headmates that feel like the system's friends aren't really their friends yet
And everyone else who just got here recently!
You might not have been around for very long right now, but you're an incredibly loved and valued member of your collective regardless! Everyone deserves to feel like they belong, especially you! Yes, you! Even the person reading this who doesn't think it applies to them... it does!
I hope you have a wonderful time here on Earth, and that everything goes smoothly for you from here on out! I'm so excited to see who you'll turn out to be!
Stay safe!
🖤💜💙💚💛
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Here’s some positivity for systems with unorthodox or uncommon splitting and dormancy patterns!
No two systems are alike! There really is so much diversity within plurality, and this includes diversity within splitting and dormancy patterns! So here’s to systems whose ways of splitting and dormancy are strange, uncommon, or rare!
There is no one right way to be a system, and this encompasses things like splitting or going dormant.
Does your system split incredibly often? Do you develop new headmates when overwhelmed, excited, bored, when engaging in your interests, or seemingly at random? Do you have no clue about your system’s splitting patterns, or if there is even a pattern at all?
That is absolutely okay! There is nothing wrong with splitting often, with splitting for uncommon reasons or no reasons at all! Whether your system develops new headmates daily or hasn’t had a split in many years, your system is beautiful and unique just the way it is! You shouldn’t have to worry about conforming to what’s seen as “normal” within the system community in order to be heard and understood! As long as you and your system members are safe, comfortable, and happy, that’s what matters most!
The same goes for having uncommon dormancy patterns! Your system doesn’t have to have any pattern of dormancy at all in order to be respected and embraced by the community. Whether your system experiences waves of dormancy, seems to have members randomly popping in and out, regularly feels empty due to how many dormant members there are, or anything else that may seem uncommon, there really is no one correct way to experience plurality!
Please don’t be disheartened if your system experiences splitting and dormancy in ways not often talked about by others or understood within the system community! Being unique in how your system functions is not a sign of faking or a sign that you’re not actually plural!
We genuinely hope that you and your system can one day embrace the uncommon ways that your plurality presents and manifests. Know that you will always be welcome here and accepted as you are. You don’t have to try and change these key aspects of yourself or your system in order to be treated with kindness and respect!
We truly appreciate your presence here, we have faith in you, and we’re rooting for you in all that you do! Please try to show yourself and your system some kindness today, and do your best to take care of each other! We hope you can have an absolutely wonderful day!
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thedevilprince · 7 months
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Comorbid BPD and NPD Splitting - Devaluing
This is just my personal experience by the way. Other people with both BPD and NPD will likely experience splitting and devaluing differently.
I would say that, when splitting is triggered and I devalue someone, I become more aloof. Withdraw from the conversation. Don't talk as much. I also find it really hard to emphasize or care if they tell me something bad happened to them, often because I am too focused on how I feel.
(Though honestly, I've never been the type that's good at comforting people in the first place.)
I think manipulative things if I want them to stay with me and feel like I'm being or going to be abandoned, but I've been able to control myself to the point where I (usually) don't say those things to them anymore.
I sometimes also split if I feel like I'm not getting enough attention (NPD desire to be worshipped). In which case, I strongly consider just dropping everyone who I feel doesn't pay enough attention to me. My thought process goes, "If you don't love me enough, then I will find other people who will."
So far, I've managed to resist the urge to cut everyone off. But it gets tough sometimes.
I also tend to split on people who frequently criticize or correct me, because I see it as them purposefully trying to embarass me, or show off that they're better than me. Even though that's usually not what's happening at all. More often than not, they probably just want to help. But when I'm splitting, it's hard to remember that.
I'm pretty sure I'm always devaluing myself. I see myself in an almost exclusively a bad light. Other people seem to think I have good traits, but that's because they don't know what I'm actually thinking. I have no concept of self beyond my worst traits. The only time I feel good about myself is when a lot of people compliment or praise me. Otherwise, I feel pretty worthless.
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clovelie · 25 days
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I JUST WANT ONE PERSON I CAN TRUST TO NOT ABANDON ME AND I CANT EVEN GET THAT?
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raincamp · 6 months
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fresh out of my "i cant survive without her i need her im nothing without her" phase going into my "fuck her i hate her i dont need her" phase (im delusional)
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