I think one of the hardest parts of having BPD is the intense lonely feeling that I get. It doesn't matter how many friends I have, how often I go out, once I get home and am alone again it consumes me. I don't feel anything else but the emptiness that comes along with feeling alone.

u ever wanna just  detach from everyone and everything for absolutely no reason other than “maybe i just should”

when did you stop loving me like you used to? when did you stop wanting me? when did i make you fall out of love?

30 grad draußen und alle feiern den Sommer. Allen geht es gut, allen außer mir. Ich habe mich unter der Decke vergraben und liege auf dem Sofa. Wieder so ein Tag wo ich nichts von dir höre. Und ich bin traurig darüber, wirklich traurig. Habe dich nie gebraucht aber irgendwie gewollt… wirklich. Immer dieses emotional abhängig machen, braucht doch keiner ey… möchte allein sein. Unsichtbar sein. Verschwinden. Ganz weit weg verschwinden.

Having bpd is fucking ruining my life

Especially quiet, self aware bpd. Feels like I'm such a burden to everyone can't ask for help bc I'm fucking deaf to their words of reassurance and will attack them if they try to knock some sense into me when I'm going insane. Can't not ask for help bc my coping skills are "inexistant" and "unhealthy" and they don't like it either. Can't go to a professional bc they're overbooked and I'm TERRIFIED of me Not having what I thought I have and just being a depressed piece of shit (though I am in the processus of admission for a psychiatrist)

This fucking sucks. I just scared. I don't want to hurt anyone I just want a hug and a shoulder to cry on. But that destroys people slowly too and they get tired and they leave again. Feels like I'll never get better, feels like it's not even worth it to try

I just wanna lay in a field and rot slowly

i have bpd but i havent been able to access therapy. how the hell am i supposed to cope with friendships?? i am easily overprotective and want people to only like me, no one else. it makes me feel so fucking quilty i feel like im better off alone

La gente no te ama,solo aman lo que amarte les hace sentir, o lo que puedan conseguir fingiendo amarte...

Why do they always leave after making us feel special for themselves?

Go live your adventures. Think of me, yearn for my touch, cry when you’re alone, grow, learn. And come back to me. Please.

But I know you won’t. I’ve loved you way too much. You didn’t like who you were with me. I do that to people. You’ll go and find the one, and you’ll forget about me. I’ll be that distant memory, that hazy dream you barely remember.

I wish I could believe people when they say they love me, but I've met me and I know it's not possible to love me.

How i feel today...

having an fp is all fun and games until the anxiety hits

So I have... the possibility of a first relationship, but he's really far away. I don't think long distance relationships mesh well with BPD. I've been preparing myself to be ready for a relationship for six years, but I'm feeling really unstable right now. It's shaking me up. It's intimidating. And I'm doing that BPD thing where we fall too hard too fast and I'm so worried about scaring him away from being too intense or being too clingy or whatever the fuck else this makes me.

I've been anxious and on edge for days. All I want to do is talk to him all day, constantly. And working from home actually leaves me open for that. But people have lives, and I don't want to blow up his phone. I am clingy and needy and I have that decently managed with my platonic relationships but this is new territory and it's scaring me.

parasocial relationship momentz again