#Narcissistic Abuse
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June 1st is narcissistic abuse awareness day, which is why I'm here to say:
That's not a thing, just call it what it actually is.
"narcissistic abuse" is just abuse. It can be emotional, physical, any kind really, but defining it by the abuser's (potential) mental state is not only ableist and causes more harm than good, but doesn't accurately describe what happened and doesn't hold the abuser properly accountable. What is described as narcissistic abuse can be done by literally anybody, not just people with NPD. Please think about the words you're using.
Also, please stop calling random self-absorbed assholes narcissists, you are not their therapist. You cannot diagnose random tiktokers chasing clout with a complex personality disorder because they were rude.
#posting this early bc i wanna and it's already june 1st in some places anyways#also i'm gonna be extra annoying tomorrow and open about my experience#i probably have npd? no idea tho bc i'm terrified to tell anyone irl bc of the stigma :))) aint that fun#npd#npd safe#narcissistic abuse#narcissistic abuse isn’t real#narcissistic abuse awareness day
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Happy Narcissistic Day and happy Pride Month especially to all the narcissistic queers like me out there!!! Narcissists are cool and sexy and deserve all the love!!! I love you all my fellow narcissists!!!!! 💖💜💖💜💖
#actually narcissistic#npd safe#narc positivity#narc posting#narcissistic#narcissist#narcissistic personality disorder#narcissism#narcissist positivity#narcissistic abuse#narcissistic abuse isn't real#this is officially Narcissist's Day and NPD Awareness Day cause fuck ableists and ableisms!!!#Love every cluster b and every personality disorder#Today is for all the narcissists#And a very happy pride month to our queer narcissists#Y'all deserve the world 💜💜💜#npd#npd awareness#npd posting
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Its narcissistic abuse awareness day! Remember to love and support the narcissists in you life that have been abused ❤
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Autistic people who claim to be victims of "narcissistic abuse" are so annoying.
"My narcissistic parents invent reasons to punish me, like claiming that I have a look on my face when I don't."
"My narcissistic classmate told me to do something then laughed at me when I did it."
That's not narcissism. That's a common autistic experience. It happens way too often for it to be only narcissists doing it.
Do you really think being ableist is going to help autistic people? "Don't be ableist toward me. Be ableist toward them." That won't help, because they have plenty of ableism for both of you.
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It’s world narc day (“narc abuse awareness” but we all know that isn’t real), with means I’m posting on Shabbat to love all my fellow narcissists loudly and proudly
🎁reply to this post and I’ll give you a compliment!! 🎁
Unless you believe in narc abuse in which case, go sit in a corner and consider better and more accurate words to describe your experiences
#system speaks#npd positivity#npd stigma#npd safe#npd#narcissism positivity#narc abuse mention#narcissistic abuse#npdposting#actually npd#actually narcissistic
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These are typical patterns of abuse that are very common for bigots, capitalists, and authoritarians.
Quit acting like only mentally ill people do these things.
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Hey so it's June 1st, start of pride month! But... it's also labeled as "World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day."
It's a day about educating people on narcissistic abuse, so that's what I'm going to do! (Spoilers, it's not real, and the guy who coined it was really shitty too.)
Narcissistic Abuse was coined by Sam Vaknin back in the 90s, an Israeli writer, philosopher, and physicist. A man who;
- Has claimed that being homosexual and having relationships that are gay is narcissistic because its wanting to make love with a reflection of yourself.
- That being transgender and seeking out transition is narcissistic because you are "disregarding your true gender."
- That not wanting to be gatekept from transitioning is entitled and narcissistic.
- Has no qualifications for psychology or psychiatry. (He even has a disclaimer on his website about how he's not a mental health professional, funny!)
- Was arrested and jailed for security frauds in 1996.
There's also a whole slew of him being misogynistic, a rape apologist, and Islamaphobic during interviews.
(Sources below the cut at the end of the post!)
So what is narcissistic abuse defined as?
"Narcissistic abuse is a form of abuse stemming from narcissistic behaviors. It can be emotional, psychological, or physical. Narcissistic characteristics can involve volatile behavior, lack of empathy, and aggression. Narcissistic abuse may include gaslighting, constant criticism, humiliation, and coercion."
Now, what's so bad about labeling this as narcissistic abuse?
The truth of the matter is that's it's misleading and demonizing people who have Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).
All of the traits described are not exclusive to narcissists, and terms already exist for these types of abuse without putting the blame on those who have a personality disorder!
Emotional Abuse: "Emotional abuse includes non-physical behaviors that are meant to control, isolate, or frighten you. This may present as threats, insults, constant monitoring, excessive jealousy, manipulation, humiliation, intimidation, dismissiveness, and more."
Psychological Abuse: "Psychological abuse involves the regular and deliberate use of a range of words and non-physical actions used with the purpose to manipulate, hurt, weaken or frighten a person mentally and emotionally; and/or discomfort, confuse, or influence a person's thoughts and actions."
Those both sound familiar don't they?
"But Bindi! You can't tell me the abuse I went through isn't real!"
And I'm not! This post isn't to discredit anyone's experiences with being abused but is asking for a reflection on the terminology used to make the world better for all of us.
What you went through is real, but there's never an excuse for contributing to the stigma and demonization of people who didn't ask to be the way that they are.
Someone's disorder didn't abuse you, the person did.
And no, you can't separate narcissism from NPD. You aren't a narcissist without NPD. There is no way to get around using the term narcissistic abuse without it reflecting right back onto people struggling with a literal disorder.
Now, what actually is Narcissistic Personality Disorder?
NPD is defined by the DSM-5 as "a compromising pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), a constant need for admiration, and a lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts."
It is a cluster B personality disorder, a type of PD classified by difficulties regulating emotions and behavior. These behaviors can be considered dramatic, emotional, or erratic.
NPD is a manageable disorder through psychotherapy and medication management!
But big of all... while the exact cause of NPD isn't known, it's believed that a mix of genetic features and early childhood experiences can contribute to someone developing NPD. Some of these factors are accounted to being abused and neglected ourselves.
Many narcissists are themselves survivors of abuse and face constant calls to further abuse us for existing with a disorder due to the damage and dehumanization of narcissists caused by Vaknin.
The coining of narcissistic abuse and its continued, prevalent usage has done irreparable damage. It is dehumanizing, demonizing and has contributed to stigmatization that has made finding help resources and people willing to aid those with NPD a hell of a lot harder.
Dehumanizing people will always lead down a horrible path of people deciding who to target, who’s acceptable to target and inevitably more abuse, violations of peoples rights as humans, and excessive, avoidable collateral damage.
It’s also done damage to people who are survivors of abuse, because in the end its a term that really helps nobody and holds so little actual meaning when describing abuse because it’s inaccurate in its name and general meaning; there are other more distinct, non-harmful terms that get you so much further in describing the events you had gone through.
In conclusion, happy pride month! Stop parroting the words of a raging bigot and do some self reflection after reading this post.
Thank you.
Sources below the cut for your convenience .
Full text these exerpts are from can be found here (Transphobic & Homophobic)
Found here (Unqualified for the things he’s been saying)
Also formerly read directly as
links to Vaknin’s website , interviews and medium articles
here are some excerpts from these:
Jacobsen: You agree with First Wave Feminism and Second Wave Feminism, and disagree with Third Wave Feminism and Fourth Wave Feminism. What defines them?
Vaknin: First and second wave feminisms (in plural: there are many schools) were focused on leveling the playing field and fighting abusive and exploitative practices such as prostitution and pornography.
Starting with the suffragettes, they focused on the franchise (the right to vote), equal wages, access (to healthcare, education, the workplace, daycare), revising the dress code (“rational dress”), the right to own and dispose of property, and converting marriage from indentured bondage to an intimate, hopefully lifelong equal partnership.
The third wave was a psychopathic outgrowth. While claiming to be inclusive and permissive, it was a defiant and reckless attempt to “empower” women by eliminating all boundaries, conventions, and mores of any kind in all fields of life.
What women have garnered from the confluence of the three waves is that they should make their careers the pivot of their lives, avoid meaningful, committed relationships with men, and pursue sex as a pastime with any man.
Ironically, the third wave played right into the hands of predatory men (“players”) who took advantage of the newfangled promiscuity while assiduously avoiding any hint of commitment or investment. Third wave feminists internalized the male gaze (“internalized oppression”) and pride themselves on being “sluts”.
The fourth wave of feminism is focused on real problems such as sexual harassment, rape, and body shaming as well as intersectionality (discrimination of women who belong to more than one minority). In many ways, it is an offshoot of second wave feminism. - Prof. Vaknin on Misogyny and Misandry (Misogynistic)
Militant Islam is, therefore, not a cancerous mutation of “true” Islam. On the contrary, it is the purest expression of its nature as an imperialistic religion which demands unmitigated obedience from its followers and regards all infidels as both inferior and avowed enemies. Islam is a young religion. At a similar phase in the development of their respective religions, both Jews and Christians behaved the way Muslims do today: paranoid, hostile, murderous, suicidal, fatalistic, apocalyptic, and nihilistic. Death cults arose in all these three monotheistic faiths. - Islam and Liberalism: Total Ideologies (Islamaphobic)
Nonconsensual sex is a crime and should always be punished harshly.
But falsely promising sex by word or by abundance of unequivocal actions should be equally criminalized as a form of fraudulent misconduct.
Men should be able to recover costs and damages from these "playful" counterparties, including for distress and hurt feelings.
Promises - made verbally or behaviorally - are binding and should be kept: look up promissory estoppel and breach of promise (mainly in marriage). Leading on and misrepresentation should be a crime not only in business and should have adverse actionable and tort or public reputation consequences and not only in politics. - Sex or Gender By Dr. Sam Vaknin (Rape apologia)
McLean Hospital, NPD Provider Guide
#world narcissistic abuse awareness day#narcissistic abuse#narcissistic abuse isnt real#NPD#narcissistic personality disorder#narcissism#discrimination#bigotry#surviving narcissism#ableism#npd stigma
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Yomi narc poly
They love his narcissistic swag. Even got him narc flag pillows
#narcissistic abuse#narc abuse#<- for context i do not believe these exist. i wish to spam#rain code#yomi hellsmile#seth burroughs#fubuki clockford#zilch alexander#martina electro#makoto kagutsuchi#mutual growling do you approve#art#my art#digital art#fanart#shitpost
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the thing that gets me the most about ableism against pd’s is that ppl will be like “these disorders make you an ASSHOLE!!!!” and then turn around and pretend that other disorders can’t and don’t make you act shitty.
depression and anxiety can make you irritable and snappy. they can cause you to refuse to listen to people and to be distant and withdrawn. they can cause you to seem angry, bitchy, rude, uncaring, etc.
ptsd causes an array of difficulties in forming meaningful relationships. it pretty much shakes up your entire worldview and sense of self a lot of the time. ptsd can cause you to get angry often. it can cause you to yell and scream. it can cause you to withdraw from others, run away, or cut them out. it can cause general changes in demeanor and more cynical worldviews. it can make you seem grouchy, negative, explosive, impolite, difficult, needy, controlling, etc.
and yet when people with personality disorders have symptoms of that nature, suddenly we are irredeemable monsters. when it’s npd, bpd, hpd, or aspd instead of ptsd or depression and anxiety, people suddenly and magically lose the ability to be understanding.
mental illness is an explanation, not an excuse. i firmly believe that. hurting others is never justified simply because you have any disorder.
but if you can be patient with people who have depression, anxiety, ptsd, ocd, or any other more well understood mental illness, you can be patient with us.
#ableism#ableism mention#ableism tw#cluster b#cluster b positivity#npd#bpd#hpd#aspd#npd positivity#bpd positivity#hpd positivity#aspd positivity#narcissistic abuse#narcissistic abuse awareness#actually cluster b#actually bpd#actually npd#actually borderline#actually narcissistic
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#sadnees#tw depressing thoughts#i'm sad#depressing shit#childhood trauma#childhood#depressing life#quotes#tw depressing stuff#poetic#complex ptsd#childhood ptsd#childhood truama#toxic relationship#emotional abuse#narcissistic abuse#tw self destruction#self h@rm#tw self destructive behavior#tw: sucidal thoughts#wound tw#tw ptsd#generational truama#daddy issues#tw abuse#heartbreak#this is a cry for help#help plz#ptsd vent#tw truama
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you have any fucking word in the dictionary to describe your abuse. please stop using the one that describes a personality disorder
#and directly puts the blame on mentally ill people#npd vent#npd positivity#npd things#npd culture is#actually npd#narcissistic abuse#malignant narcissism#narcisst#narcissistic personality disorder#narcissism#narc abuse#actually narcissistic#npd#narcissist#npd safe
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everyone talks about cutting off a toxic parent
but no one ever talks about the pain of wanting a parent but knowing yours cannot love you the way they should
#toxic mom#toxic mother#toxicmommy#toxic family#toxic parents#child abuse#narcissistic abuse#parental abuse#mental abuse#emotional abuse#abuse survivor#actually abused#why my family don't love me?#i hate my family#family issues#dysfunctional family#family#dysfunctional household#dysfunctional parents#dad issues#toxic father#father#toxic dad#emotionally unstable mother#emotionally immature parents#narcissistic mother#childhood trauma
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the biggest betrayal. bffr
#actually aspd#actually npd#aspd#npd#actuallyaspd#actuallynpd#clusterb#actually bpd#actually mentally ill#cluster b#actuallybpd#bpd#actually antisocial#actually narcissistic#actually borderline#actually cluster b#cluster b personality disorder#narcissistic personality disorder#antisocial personality disorder#borderline personality disorder#narc abuse isnt real#narc abuse isn't real#narcissistic abuse#npd safe#npd meme#cluster b memes#mental illness#mental health#personality disorder#npd things
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Everywhere I look, I see people celebrating child abuse.
You must live under a rock if you think it's only narcissists who abuse their children.
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being like this and living with someone who doesn't understand is so hard.
#narcissistic abuse#parental abuse#cptsd life#complex trauma#just cptsd things#actually cptsd#cptsd recovery#living with cptsd#cptsd problems#mental health#mentally fucked#actually mentally ill#overwhelmed#therapy#coping#mental illness
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Reminder for people with Personality Disorders:
You can be in therapy for years to be able to cope.
You can mask the difficulties you have.
You can cope well with your disorders.
You can function in daily life.
But the day you have a bad day, the day you're so overwhelmed that the mask slips and you simply say one thing, the neurotypicals will use it against you and use it to abuse you.
Abuse is a choice. Abusers make the choice to abuse someone. Not every abuser has a personality disorder. There are plenty of abusers that are Neurotypical. Plenty of neurotypicals will abuse those with PDs due to the stigma and misinformation around them.
Quit using terms like "Narcissistic/Histrionic/Borderline/Anti-Social Abuse"
Quit using "Narcissist" and "Anti-Social" as insults.
Quit justifying abuse towards people with PDs.
Quit armchair diagnosing abusers and assholes with Personality Disorders when you don't know the lived experience of people with them.
Stop fucking appealing to Neurotypicals.
#npd#actually narcissistic#actually npd#narcissism#narcissistic personality disorder#pwnpd#narc abuse#narcissistic abuse#actually bpd#bpd#borderline personality disorder#actually cluster b#cluster b disorders#actually hpd#hpd#actually aspd#aspd#aspd safe#hpd safe#npd safw#bpd safe
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