my abuser had brown hair im a victim of brunette abuse :(

I love narcissists who don’t go out of their way to mask or present as neurotypical. I love narcissists who aren’t interested in learning empathy. I love narcissists who like feeling evil. That’s neuropunk af of you

Narcissists are so beautiful and handsome and wonderful, they deserve to be proud for all that they have survived especially with such a distressing disorder

Since accepting I'm a narcissist, I've had much better communication. When I get needy, I can go "I need this cause I'm a narcissist" and it's so much easier than getting overwhelmed trying to find the right words and then gaslighting myself and ignoring my own feelings because I've been taught that my narcissistic traits are so bad and wrong and all that stigma that I've internalized.

Like I roleplay with MA and when I get all sad, I get a bit pouty so they ask what's wrong and they can easily pick up on or I can just say "I'm feeling narcissistic and neglected" and then we can work from there to make it better. Being able to use the term narcissist as just a neutral or positive term has helped me so much. And learning to not shame myself for needing attention, praise, and admiration has helped so much. Cause even if I'm disordered, I can communicate far better and be understood instead of me trying to repress my narcissism which leads to explosive fights.

It's almost like...now hear me out people that don't understand, destigmatizing a disorder and not demonizing it is a GOOD THING! OoO Woah!

That was sarcastic, but for real. Since accepting my narcissism and learning more about it, I've discovered a lot about myself and how I cope. When I'm not getting enough praise or attention, I can ask for it so much easier than getting overwhelmed by trying to communicate, going nonverbal, then having a meltdown cause my personality disorders and autism are linked together so tightly.

Busting some misconceptions about narcissistic abuse because I can.

"Narcissistic abuse is no different from any other type of abuse."

Wrong. Narcissistic abuse can take the form of any other type of abuse, but the purpose for it and therefore the way it is perpetrated is very different.

"Narcissistic abuse is abuse perpetrated by a person with Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD)"

Incorrect. Anybody can perpetrate narcissistic abuse and there is no evidence to suggest people with NPD are more likely to be abusers than any other.

"Narcissism and NPD are the same thing."

False. Narcissism is a personality type defined by being self centered or vain to a fault. NPD is a personality disorder diagnosed by medical professionals and can be expressed in over 100 different ways.

People who are narcissistic can recover and change the fact that they're narcissistic. People diagnosed with NPD can recover, but cannot change the fact that they have NPD.

"There is no definition of narcissistic abuse."

True and false. While every expert who discusses narcissistic abuse may use different terminology to define it, the common theme is that the person perpetrating feels joy or satisfaction in harming, scaring or controlling their victim.

On my blog I define narcissistic abuse as "abuse perpetrated for the purpose of satisfying narcissistic delusion.

"People with NPD are narcissists."

Maybe, but mostly no. Some people who are diagnosed with NPD like to self identify as "narcissists" as a shorthand for their disorder. This is not the name of the disorder and you shouldn't refer to people with NPD as "Narcissists" as it's not an accurate or particularly universal term.

Some people who are not diagnosed with NPD like to self identify as narcissists to describe their personality type. It's important to distinguish between "narcissists" and "narcissistic abusers." A narcissistic abuser is not the same thing as a narcissist.

"Narcissism is the mental illness that causes abuse."

Untrue. No accredited mental health body today recognises narcissism as a mental health disorder and no practising mental health professional in good standing will say that there is a psychological disorder that causes abuse.

Perpetrating narcissistic abuse is a choice made by abusers, completely seperate from trauma or mental illness or their lived experience.

"People with NPD are offended by the term 'narcissistic abuse' so we should stop using it."

Recently people who identify as narcissists have taken umbrage against the term 'narcissistic abuse.' The reasons varying from an argument that the term 'narcissist' can never be separated from the disorder NPD, to the argument that people using the term are armchair diagnosing their abusers with NPD and further stigmatising the disorder.

The truth is the term 'narcissist' has been seperate from the disorder NPD since the disorder was first recognised in the DSM in 1980, and the solution to people using the terms "narcissist" and NPD interchangeably is to educate them, not ban the use of terminology that might potentially be misused altogether.

"If you can spot a narcissist you can evade abuse."

This is unfortunately false. Lots of online articles can promise you "10 ways to spot a narcissist" but usually all they're teaching you to do is to be wary of neurodivergent people. The truth is the only real way to evade abuse is to spot red flags for future abusive behaviour and know to get out before the abuse starts.

"There is no evidence that narcissistic abuse is real."

Aside from the stories of survivors of abuse and their families, or the loved ones of those who sadly didn't survive their abuser, all sharing commonalities in what happened to them, narcissistic abuse is well documented.

Therapists specialising in abuse recovery recognise narcissistic abuse and treat survivors of narcissistic abuse every day. Mental health educators discuss the psychology of the narcissistic abuser and the narcissistic abuse survivor in their dissertations or thesis papers and professionals study those papers to write resources like books and guides for those recovering from narcissistic abuse.

Narcissistic abuse is well documented and the general consensus in the psychology world is that it is real.

Feel free to drop any questions into my asks and I'll be happy to answer.

i experienced some more bullshit today so i’ll say it again in case i haven’t made myself clear:

narcissists, you are wonderful and i love you and i hope you have a lovely time zone <3

I’m just gonna say this off the bat, cause apparently people are pissed at specifically me about being against narc abuse.

by claiming you are being silenced and screaming about being accused of ableism, you take power away from yourself. You perpetrate harmful ideals. NPD is a disorder that comes from childhood abuse. The abuse you suffer from someone who happens to be a narcissist is real but it’s not because they’re a narcissist. Your language choice implies that NPD is the abuser disorder. You whine and complain about not having any other terms for your abuse when emotional abuse is a very real term. My mother is very likely a narcissist, she is also at least somewhat abusive, that does not mean that the fact she’s a narcissist is the reason I am being abused. The narcissistic tendencies she has may play a part in the abuse, but it is not the cause. Any disorder can impact the way an abuser abuses. If narcissistic abuse is real then, autism abuse, depression abuse, anxiety abuse, dysphoria abuse, and all sorts of other terms would be real, the fact that *no body fucking uses them* is enough proof that narc abuse isn’t real

also I’m just gonna ignore your ableist ass if you send me an ask on anon, show me you actually believe in your point of view by not hiding.

Your parents are not "narcissists". They're typical authoritarian assholes who treat you like their property because society allows them to.

Your ex boyfriend is not a "narcissist". He's a typical misogynistic douchebag who treats women like shit because society allows him to.

Your boss is not a "narcissist". They're a typical classist dipshit who thinks workers' entire purpose in life is to generate profit because society allows them to.

And even if they happen to be a "narcissist", that's not what gave them the power to get away with abuse.

So stop blaming mental illness and start blaming society's normalization of abuse. Stop acting like someone has to have a mental illness in order to do something cruel when ordinary people have been doing atrocious things since forever.

sorry for being mentally ill and actually having symptoms it will happen again xoxo

reblog to kiss a narcissist on the mouth (with passion)

People with npd (or questioning): tell us what you think you’re good at! Tell us an accomplishment you feel proud of! It can be as little as getting dressed in the morning or finding earrings you really love, or doing a doodle or being good at reading animal behavior.

genuinely the people who have hurt me most in my life were empaths who "meant well" and "did this because they cared about me" and "were worried about me". on the other hand i have a narcissist friend who loves me very much and treats me with respect. they've made mistakes in the past (passive aggressive towards me and manipulative towards another person) but are trying hard to improve. you really can spin any normal human desire and make it seem demonic just based on the assumption that this person is inherently evil. like "i'm so glad my friends forgave me and we can keep having fun times together" ➡️ "yesss they're back under my control and i can abuse them"

so many people are just totally incapable of nuance like it's complex yknow. like. people with personality disorders deserve love. that shouldn't be a bold statement. those with extreme attachments etc aren't trying to manipulate you from some distant place of villainous intent. theyre jsut. feeling things they can't control. but also if you don't have the emotional capacity to handle being someone's friend after a long pattern of problems, you don't have to sacrifice your mental well-being for them. you're not good for them either if you need distance like that. just also don't make it about all people with that disorder lmao. use critical thinking skills challenge

(obviously also if you don't work out well with someone else due to your emotional needs clashing, tell them explicitly why you have to distance yourself and don't just ghost them)

anyway two of my bestest friends are personality disorder and just silly little guys. everyone in the world, including empaths, is capable of harm and should strive for self improvement.

/not talking to your blog when i say "you" i'm just shouting into the void

i seem to have forgotten to answer this one during my yearly trauma rot, oops

Why do I always make things worse?

Just going on ruining peoples lives?

Breaking hearts.

Even with the best intentions I still fuck up.

A screw up.

Can't handle anything without breaking it.

Give me a cave, alone, so no one else crosses my path.

heyo! i would just like to apologise on behalf of the NPD community for the idiots that are frothing at the mouth trying to claim that narc abuse isn't real. yeah, we get it, pwNPD ≠ abusive. doesnt mean you get to dictate how victims should view their trauma, much less make it seem invalid. pwNPD make things so much worse if they aren't grounded! do they seriously think pwNPD are cute little bunnies who just want validation? i myself am a pwNPD, and it is soo cringe omfg. all this so-called npd positivity sickens me. you're convincing pwNPD that their problematic attention-seeking behaviour is acceptable. if pre-aware me saw all those posts, i would've never sought to change my behaviour and seek a healthier source of supply. i admit, i was abusive. no BS. i literally took pleasure in others being scared of me, to the point i would bully my own sister to tears and gaslit her into thinking it was her fault. i was fucking 10. i needed that slap on the face to finally realise this was not how i was supposed to be. i got my help, i got the support i need, i'm trying to be a better person. now thats the type of positivity we need. i dont want people telling me that 'i just want to be acknowledged'. no, wanting to be acknowledged is normal. my desire was unhealthy and violent. i needed someone to beat me up and tell me not everything about me and that i shouldn't want to beat someone up for doing something better than me. Thanks for listening to my TedTalk! 😊 - 🩹

A super well considered and realistic view of what it means to be a narcissistic abuse denier and its roots in anti therapy/anti recovery rhetoric from the POV of a person who actually has NPD.

You're very right, to be a pwNPD and to argue that victims and survivors shouldn't have a community based on their shared experience of abuse because you feel personally victimised by the conversation is trying to dictate our recovery to us. It's attempting to invalidate our experience and its hella indicative of real life abusive behavior.

Thank you for sharing personal details of your own experience with NPD. I know it's hard, I know it's not fun for you and I'm sorry your safe spaces have been hijacked by wannabes and fakers pretending that to have this disorder is cool and edgy. You don't feel cool and edgy for having this disorder, because it's a real mental illness that effects your life daily, not a quirk you get to take off when you close the app and go into your life.

Support is out there for people with NPD or people who suspect they have it. It's not as fun or exciting to get help than it is to run a edgy tumblr blog that perpetuates further abuse and stigmatises people with NPD, but our mental health is our responsibility, and anti recovery and anti treatment narcissistic abuse denial blogs are just perpetrating further harm and stigma. The people who beleive in it will never get better, and it's sad, but you didn't fall into believing the narrative that NPD is untreatable. You got help though it was hard and you learned to be better.

I don't condone violence to correct bad behaviour, I don't think you needed to be hit to learn better. The desire to do better and be a good person is in all of us, and I hope you know that the decent human being you are today is thanks to your own hard work, your commitment to consistency in therapy, your strength to understand your disorder, not the time you were hit to learn better.

Thank you for your support, plaster emoji, I really appreciate it. Your Ted talk was an incredible read and I'd be pleased to hear from you again 💕

Everyone is all for celebrating neurodiversity until you're the "wrong" kind of neurodivergent.