TW: Slavery

"Slavery was a long time ago. Get over it."

That's an enormously cruel statement on so many levels. And they regularly say "fuck your feelings" to anyone who recognizes the cruelty of that statement.

And it ain't psychopaths, sociopaths, narcissists, histrionics, borderlines, or any other people with a stereotypically "evil" personality disorder saying that.

These are normal people who are able to say that with no fear of sounding unhinged.

Evil is normalized by society. It's not caused by mental illness.

"I can say whatever I want about my abuser. If they don't like what I'm saying, they shouldn't have abused me."

Yeah. Your abuser. Not an entire demographic who had nothing to do with it.

Feel free to call your abuser a monster, a douchebag, an asshole, a piece of shit, or any other insult you can think of. You can even wish they would die if their abuse was bad enough.

But when you call your abuser's actions "what narcissists do", you're not just demonizing your abuser. You're demonizing people who never did anything to you.

On top of that, you're giving a free pass to those who have the same patterns as your abuser but have the privilege of being able to do it in a way that society considers normal. For everything your "narcissist" did to you, there are many similar patterns that society normalizes on a regular basis.

It's not possible for any mental illness to make someone a master manipulator.

If any group of mentally ill people were overwhelmingly master manipulators, they would have manipulated medical professionals into considering them normal and considering anyone who opposes them mentally ill.

Love the blog! Followed~

:)

i had to leave a server that i was active in just now

i asked someone to use a different word when they described past bad/abusive employers as "narcissistic" and got reprimanded by a mod who said that people could be narcissistic without having NPD. now, i'm not too sure about this and i was ready to leave it be until another mod came in to support the original person i talked to by saying that they wished that their current job was "NPD-free."

i didn't stick around to see anyone's response. i hope that someone finds problem in that statement, but i don't know if they will. i usually give discord servers two chances but i don't think i'll do so with this server.

Employers are abusive on a regular basis. They only care about the profit that the employees can produce and not about the employees' well being. They only care about money while labeling their employees as "entitled brats" if they do the same. If an employee dropped dead, the employer would only care about replacing them.

Abuse from employers is normal, not narcissistic.

"People can be narcissistic without having NPD" is just a bullshit excuse that ableists use to dodge criticism. If they're not talking about people with NPD, they shouldn't use the same terminology as people who are.

"Narcissists shouldn't be allowed to have children."

There's no reason for a statement like that.

If you're worried about narcissists abusing children, just say what actions you're worried about narcissists doing and say that people who do those actions shouldn't be allowed to have children. For example,

Those who want power over their children and no accountability shouldn't be allowed to have children.

Those who see their children as property and not as people shouldn't be allowed to have children.

Those who think it's ever okay to hit their children shouldn't be allowed to have children.

Those who destroy their children's belongings shouldn't be allowed to have children.

Those who believe in "as long as you live under my roof you will follow my rules" shouldn't be allowed to have children.

Those who believe in "I buy things for you so you owe me" shouldn't be allowed to have children.

Those who can't handle criticism from their children shouldn't be allowed to have children.

Those who can't handle their children not conforming to their expectations shouldn't be allowed to have children.

Those who care more about how their children make them look than about their children's well being shouldn't be allowed to have children.

Of course, you won't do that, because that would apply to neurotypical parents who do those things all the fucking time. You don't actually want to protect children from abuse. You only want to single out narcissists while giving typical authoritarian parents a free pass.

Oh yeah make sure neglected people get love until that neglected person is a fucking narcissist. Cause all narcissists are bad. Everything I do is intentionally manipulative or maybe they'll say I'm not actually a narcissist and are just confused or supporting them cause I've been made to feel guilty. I've been on both sides. People will believe I'm a narcissist and so therefore I'm abusive or people will not believe I'm a narcissist cause I'm too nice and just getting caught up in narcissists manipulating me to support them.

I hate the idea that my self image is not by my choice. I will always be what OTHERS perceive me as. I have always been that and it will continue to be that. People will either see someone that can't do any wrong or someone that can only do wrong. Like stfu I am a person! I can do good and bad! I have a past of being toxic and harmful esp as a teenager cause I was a fucking mentally fucked teen still in an abusive situation.

I just. I dunno. Im waiting on food so I'm very like just ranty about everything and anything. But like. Stfu. Stfu stfu stfu stfu stfu. If anyone else is needy and needs attention or reassurance then it's fine. But I have had it demonized since my fucking childhood and had my fucking meltdowns demonized as being intentionally manipulative!!! I WAS A FIVE YEAR OLD AUTISTIC CHILD STFU!!!!!

And people praising empathy as being good piss me off. Cause you know what else can also have hypoempathy? AUTISM. Low empathy is not just an "evil" personality disorder thing. Anyone can be anywhere on the scale of empathy. And it doesn't fucking matter. And anyone can be capable of good or bad. It has literally nothing to do with narcissism or any disorder.

Like wtf are anti narcissists gonna fucking do when they realize theyve done harm??? Cause you know what being someone believing in narc abuse did to me?! It made me believe that i was justified as a victim of narcissists so therefore I couldn't be wrong in my trauma responses.

Yeah. Accepting im a narcissist did way more for helping my relationships by allowing me to understand and communicate my needs than believing in narc abuse and calling my parents narcissists ever fucking did. Wtf are they gonna do when they're told about the harm they've done??? Not even related to narc abuse. I would have horrible episodes and defended myself cause I wasn't like my abusive "narcissistic" parents. And all it did was lead to more fights and more episodes and my friend couldn't help cause they were dealing with trauma responses too (people pleasing, believing it was okay what I did or that she deserved it even when I told her not to say or believe that, it's a very lengthy explanation required thing.)

Anyone and everyone is capable of good and bad and is capable of harming others. Whether it's full on abuse, even worse things, or just being insensitive and thoughtless. Focusing so much on the big bad narcissists will only continue to focus on this "us vs them" mentality that completely negates any sort of nuance and ignores the fact that harmful people, abusers, and even the worst of humanity is ALLOWED by society. It isn't a prevalence of narcissists, it is fucking bigotry. And it is everywhere. And it allows abuse to be normalized.

Big list of things I been thinking on. Fuck fuck fuck. I'm already fucking stressed and my parents won't stfu so I can think and type. Disorganized speech, semiverbal, can't thinky think.

Anti-NPD people be like "narcissists can't change they are evil" and then when a narcissist asks for help and says they want to change they are like "you're not a narcissist because you're self aware"

Meanwhile, police and capitalists actually are "beasts in society coming to get you", and they're respected for it.

people act like psychopaths are these beasts in society coming to get you, meanwhile in reality i’d rather never have to go near another human being again

Because of the stigma attached to being a narcissist, psychopath, or sociopath, many of them avoid being diagnosed or never tell anyone about it.

Usually, the only time anyone ever gets diagnosed is after they committed a heinous crime.

This only leads to more stigma.

There are tips everywhere about "how to trigger a narcissist".

Imagine if narcissists shared tips on how to trigger people, openly and proudly with no fear of any consequences, and genuinely believed that the people they were triggering were the abusive ones.

i feel bad for everyone in the narc abuse believer community (not really bur ykwim) cuz like, i get it, having to grapple with the fact someone can do horrible awful things for no reason to you is tough. there's no special thing making them "evil" like in cartoons, its a hard thing to get yr mind around that someone would do that to someone. but that doesn't mean you can just make shit up, spread misinfo about abuse and NPD alike, and think its fine.

regardless what abuse you went thru it doesn't give you an excuse to start being awful to other people

esp since how many people want to "hurt/manipulate narcs" like okay then so abuse is fine when you do it? the whole thing is just so wishy washy to me, i don't think we should main characterize mental health like that and treat everyone as either the purrfect victim or the most evil ever, it helps no one.

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I don’t know who needs to hear this, but

👏Narcissist is not a code word for abuser👏

👏 Sociopath is not a code word for abuser👏

👏 Psychopath is not a code word for murderer👏

Not every shitty person is shitty because of a disorder that pop psychology likes to demonise. Slapping a label on every shitty person out there is ableist toward the NPD/ASPD sufferers who are just trying to get by. Stop it.

"Narcissistic parents treat you like either the golden child who they expect too much of then punish you when you fall off their pedestal or like the scapegoat who they blame for everything."

You just described how autistic people are treated on a regular basis. Some of us are labeled as "high functioning" and are expected to be "smart" and "not really disabled" and are accused of faking any struggles we have. Some of us are labeled as "low functioning" and are treated as a "burden" or as "too stupid to amount to anything".

And that happens way too often for it to be only narcissists doing that. Treating autistic people like that is widely normalized.

So quit labeling socially acceptable patterns of abuse as "narcissistic".

"But narcissists have unique patterns and abuse people in unique ways."

Really? Then why does every single pattern that gets labeled as "narcissistic" describe the regular treatment of children, women, people of color, disabled people, poor people, LGBT people, etc?

This is how police and their supporters treat protesters to a T. The police are trained to act like this.

This describes everyone who labels BLM or Antifa as terrorists.

This describes every man who complains about MeToo.

This describes everyone who blames the working class for inflation.

This describes every parent who yells at their child then complains about disrespect when the child yells back.

That's an astronomically large number of people to armchair diagnose with narcissism.

Ableist: "I hate narcissists because they have no compassion for others."

Narcissist: "Why not just say that you hate people who have no compassion for others?"

Ableist: "Because that would be socialism."