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geeky-politics-46 · 1 year

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Under The Mistletoe

Pairing: Sinister Stephen Strange x Reader, Donna Strange

Summary: Your first Christmas together after giving birth, & a little mistletoe reminds you how loved you really are.

Warnings: Not much, mostly fluff. Allusions to smut. Self-doubt, body image issues, & allusion to post-partum depression.

@fanartka did a lovely drawing that matches this story so well. We all seem to share ideas about Stephen & I love that we both did this unknowingly at the same time.

Each and every doorway in the Sanctum had a piece of mistletoe hanging from it. An extra piece dangling from your headboard. That had been the extent of Stephen's interest in decorating.

Ever since the first year you were together and talked him into celebrating, the mistletoe was his favorite part. Ultimately, any excuse for him to kiss on you he would have been fine with, but he could live without all the rest of the sappy hokey holiday stuff.

Well, he could have before, but that was before his Grinch heart grew far more than two sizes. Now he wanted every bit of sappy and hokey he could get. Even if it meant wearing felt reindeer antlers while you danced around him with your bouncing baby daughter on your hip.

He wanted her life to be everything his never was, even though he had created this barren world. He had done something right somewhere along the way to end up with you. He would spend the rest of his days trying to give you both and any other little ones you may be blessed with, anything and everything you could ask for.

He would be everything. A loving and devoted husband. A protective and caring father. The person he never thought he could be. Better than he ever was before. Much better than his father.

So he would happily submit to the hokey singing and dancing if it made your daughter, his daughter, smile. Her tiny little hands clapping and grabbing at the shiny baubles on the tree he had magically created. He may have added just a bit of extra sparkle and shimmer to the lights and ornaments. Just for her.

For you, he still strung the Sanctum in as much mistletoe as he could. Even after you suggested skipping it this year, since mistletoe has the potential to be poisonous to babies. He didn't listen. It was one of your first traditions together, one of his favorites, and it's not like he was hanging it where your baby could randomly find it.

The one she was most able to reach would be the most important, though, the one on the headboard of your shared bed. That one, there was no wiggle room on. Not after you promised him a special naughty present.

You hadn't had much opportunity to get back into your normal sex routine. Before your daughter, hardly a day ever passed without you and Stephen making love. If there were others in the universe you would have been sickening to watch, all over each other all the time.

After giving birth, you both knew your body needed time to heal and recover after what it had gone through. The extra plus of him being a doctor was he knew, or could find, all the rules of how to take care of you post-partum.

Now, your body was physically healed. Mentally, you were nervous. So much about your body had changed. Your body had been through the wondrous yet kind of disgusting and slightly terrifying process of giving birth. He had been there for every minute of it. Hell, he had been the one to talk you through all of it. Thank god for his medical training.

Would Stephen still be turned on by you? Would he still want you like he did before? Would he still find you sexy after seeing your body go through that? Or would he be bored or disgusted by how different you looked now?

You were no longer the shiny new toy from before. No longer the sleek sports car. You knew that all of that was crap. That you were a full and complex human being. A person, not an object like a car or toy, but as you stood looking in the mirror, your mind distorted your thoughts.

The holiday inspired lingerie you had put on was subject to your enhanced scrutiny. It was a simple silky deep green backless short nightie that you topped with a Santa hat. Did it highlight the new extra pooch on your belly? Did it show too many stretch marks? Did it make your boobs look lopsided?

You had lost track of how long you had been standing in front of the mirror. So much so that you hadn't noticed the sorcerer that had come looking for you and was watching from the doorway.

You jumped a little when you caught the set of crystal blue eyes glancing at you through the mirror. A little snort and smirk crossed his face and made the corners of his eyes crinkle.

Back when he had tried to be intimidating, when you first arrived, as much as he tried, he could never make you jump. Even though he no longer wanted to intimidate you, he found it funny that he occasionally managed it now. Only after falling head over heels and marrying you. After having a baby with you, only then could he manage to sneak up and startle you.

You rolled your eyes and reached to grab your robe to cover yourself up on reflex. Turning around to see Stephen walking towards you with a sprig of mistletoe dangling in the air above him with the help of his violet colored magic. His long, scarred fingers reaching to pull the robe from your grasp and toss it over onto the bed. Putting it out of your immediate reach.

"I think I just found my Christmas present. No point in trying to hide it now, darling."

He looked your body up and down, studying every inch of you before pulling you to him and wrapping his arms around you. Licking his lips and winking at you flirtatiously.

"Merry Christmas to me indeed. You look gorgeous, my love."

You tried to hide the slight grimace you made at his compliment, but you could see his brows furrow immediately at your reaction. He let one hand drag up your side, letting his fingertips skim your entire body, bringing his index finger to rest under your chin. Gently tilting your face up to look at him. He could see the insecurity in your eyes and it made his heart hurt.

"What's wrong, my queen? Did I say something wrong? Did I forget something?"

His other hand rhythmically rubbing up and down your back trying to soothe and comfort you. His brain cycling through everything he had said and done over the last couple of days. He couldn't stand thinking that he had done something that hurt you.

You shrugged and tried to dismiss his concern. A tight-lipped smile forming on your lips. Swallowing back your thoughts and fears.

"It's nothing, Stephen. It's just me. It's something stupid. Don't worry about it. Let's just enjoy Christmas."

Your heart nearly stopped in your chest when you leaned in to try to kiss him and he pulled back. Your fears suddenly flooded back into the pit of your stomach. The hurt immediately registered on your face. As soon as he realized that you had taken his response as rejection, he quickly addressed

"If it has you upset, sweetheart, it's not nothing. I don't care if it's stupid. I love you more than you will ever know. You are the reason I look forward to each minute of each day. I want you to tell me everything, anything. Now, what has you upset? Why are you trying to hide from me?"

He kissed your forehead and then nuzzled his face against yours lovingly. He truly hated to see you upset, and he wouldn't rest until he found a way to fix whatever was wrong.

"You know how happy I am that we have Donna now, and I love her and you so much it hurts. It scares me sometimes. Things are different now that we have a baby. My body is different now. It's not the one that you loved so much before. Things are jigglier and not as firm now. It doesn't look like anything like it did. You've seen it do things that are pretty much the exact opposite of sexy... I get scared that you won't enjoy or love me as much or get as turned on by me anymore. I don't know what I'd do without your touch, your love."

You wanted to look at the floor. You wanted to crawl into your bed and hide under the covers. You didn't want to feel Stephen's eyes on you as he was pondering what you just confessed. You tried not to think about how insane you might have just sounded. Or worse, if you made perfect sense and were right.

He silently grabbed both your hands in his and pulled you over to sit in your large shared bed. He crawled into the fluffy bedding, sitting with his back against the headboard tight near the mistletoe. Once he was settled he beckoned you over to him, pulling you to him and scooping you up into his lap. Holding you securely in his large arms and pressing a kiss to your neck once he could tell you found a comfy position.

"First of all, thank you for telling me what you've been worrying about. Thank you for trusting me. Second of all, do you really think I would have mistletoe placed all over this haunted house if I wasn't as attracted to you as I was? I know your body is different now. It's different because you grew a human in there. The only other human in this universe. You gave birth to our daughter. You, and this incredible body, gave me something I thought I would never ever have. A family to love and care for. You gave me what was impossible. You are a miracle to me. A goddess, and I will worship you for the rest of my days. I love you more every single day, and that will never change."

He tilted your head to kiss you softly over and over. Sweet and comforting kisses meant to alleviate your fears. Your body started to relax and melt into his. Letting go of the tension and fear in your body.

"And now, as for your worry about me not being turned on by you… do you really think I would magically create and hang all this mistletoe around here if I didn't want any and every excuse I could find to kiss and love on you? It seriously takes every ounce of strength in my body to keep my hands off of you all hours of the day. How seeing you holding our daughter makes me want to get you pregnant all over again. How I was waiting rather impatiently for my present this evening, and how badly I want to unwrap it. To unwrap you, and make love to you. My amazing sexy wife. Mother of my children. The love of my life and the best thing to happen to me. Ever "

Before you could respond, Stephen captured your lips with his. Using every bit of energy he could to squeeze you tight and kiss you breathless. As if his kiss was the punctuation of his statement.

When he finally separated from you he pressed his forehead to yours, the fluff from your Santa hat trapped between you, letting you catch your breath. He fully intended to not let yourself get carried away in negative thoughts. Not when it was Christmas, and not when you were genuinely the most extraordinary being he had ever met.

"Now, are you going to tell me if I'm on the naughty or nice list? I want my present and I was good and hung up the decorations like you asked, but I want very much to be naughty with you. Also, I am going to throw a Grinch sized tantrum if you aren't my present because I will always want you to be my present."

You had to giggle at him. You had always enjoyed teasing him about being a Grinch ever since your first Christmas together. You pulled the Santa hat off of your head and placed it atop Stephen's. Brushing his gray streaked thick brown hair behind his ears as you adjusted the hat. Somewhat surprised he was still patiently sitting still and letting you.

Once you were finished, you looped your hands around his neck and leaned back to get a better view of him. It was at that moment you realized he had sat down on the bed just shy of where the sprig of mistletoe was hanging from the headboard.

"Well, Stephen, it looks like we aren't quite under the mistletoe directly, but I guess it's close enough. So I guess you earned at least a kiss or two."

He snickered at your response. An eyebrow quirked at your attempt to best him. He loved that you would always tease and poke at him. You never let him win easily. Even when it was all play. You matched him wit for wit, and that was something he knew he would only grow to love more.

A glint in his eye as he pointed upward towards the ceiling of the Sanctum. Following his gesture your eyes tracked up toward the ceiling, your mouth falling open in wonder at what you saw.

Suspended and floating amongst a field of shimmering swirling bits of amethyst hued magic were countless sprigs of mistletoe. All shades of green, some with berries, some tied with red bows, and some even looked like they were topped with snowflakes. All looked like they had been created to look picture perfect.

"I was kind of hoping that would get me more than just a couple kisses. What do you think?"

"I think this may just be the perfect Christmas, and you may be the perfect man Stephen Strange."

That entire night, as Christmas Eve turned into the wee hours of Christmas Day, he made love to you. Granting your every wish and assuaging your every concern. Something he would happily spend the rest of his days doing.

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karizard-ao3 · 8 months

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https://www.tumblr.com/karizard-ao3/729086354304204800/what-if-mikasa-is-a-foreign-exchange-student-from?source=share

I’m dying. I need to know what happens next. She spends a year with Eren’s family and they fall in love and maybe date? But she has to return home, doesn’t she? Eren’s crazy enough to go after her in Hizuru

First things first, as soon as they get home Eren wins her over by undoing all of the damage that he had done to her room. She, of course doesn't know that he has filled her room with little booby traps so she just thinks that he's switching out their mattresses and getting her a new pillow and whatnot because he's considerate. He's contributing to this misconception by saying things like, "Oh, take my mattress. It's nicer" (read: it is not full of needles). Thus, by the end of the weekend she fully believes Eren is a sweet and kind person, even though everyone else knows he's actually a douche. He does get more bearable the more time he spends with Mikasa, though, because he can't help but be his best self around her. Meanwhile, he's helping her come out of her shell.

It takes a while before he can drum up the courage to make a move on her, of course, but it helps that Mikasa very much wants the full Paradisian high school experience, so Eren is taking her to homecoming and football games and all the other hokey shit he would never do otherwise. He does it under the guise of being a good host but real ones know what his actual motivations are.

He finally drums up the courage to kiss her one night when they are at the drive in movies (Eren only has his learner's permit and he wasn't supposed to take the car, but what does he care?) and that's that.

It's a miracle Carla and Grisha don't catch them sneaking into each other's rooms at night.

As the end of the school year and the end of Mikasa's visit draws nearer she starts getting really weepy and depressed while Eren is preparing to take her and go on the run so they can't be separated.

Luckily, Mikasa's Paradisian dad, who initially transferred to Hizuru for work, gets transferred back to Paradis and Mikasa ends up staying, although no longer in the same house.

#eremika #ask me things #eren jaeger #my asks #answered asks #mikasa ackerman #eremika headcanons #high school au #foreign exchange student mikasa #spoiled little shit eren #everything works out somehow

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avidbeader · 2 years

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Okay, so, about “The Sandman”...

It’s amazing.They pulled off a really elegant adaptation, based on the fact that I cannot point to either the comics or the series and say one was better than the other. Plots were tightened up. Characters got shifted here and there. They did the wise thing, in my opinion, and removed just about every reference to the DC superheroes other than a pair of name-checks. By allowing characters to be played by actors regardless of race or gender, they ended up with a cast that did a stellar job. Where there was classic bloody gore/horror, they surrounded it with intense psychological horror so that even those of us who are the type to look away from the screen got almost the full impact. And they took full advantage of the medium to produce incredibly rich and lush visuals and bring iconic pages in the comics to life.

As I said last night, if you feared what a live-action version would do to a story you treasure, don’t be afraid. And if you’re hesitant to watch a series without having read the source material, don’t hesitate. This feels like the once-in-a-generation event where the adaptation not only lives up to the original, but can stand beside it as an equal.

Spoilery thoughts under the cut for both the series and the comics.

I am still really astonished at just how deft an adaptation the series it. Every time I went, “Wait a minute, I don’t like this change,” by the end of that episode or the next I was sold. For example, I was missing Miranda, Rose’s mother, at the beginning of Episode 7, as the buffer between Rose and Unity and also because we were shown the circumstances of their separation from Jed and not just told. But when Gault took on Miranda’s appearance and then railed against Dream because she didn’t want to be a nightmare anymore, it made perfect sense.

And Gault herself was a revelation. In the comics we have a team called Brute and Glob, a rather dumb pair of nightmares, trying to make their own little Dreaming in Jed’s mind. (And if I remember correctly, they’re a reference to one of DC’s older horror comic titles.) They are the ones who capture Hector Hall at his death and bring Lyta to live with him in their fledgling kingdom, and Hector is the “Sandman” of Jed’s dream world. It works in the comics because the text and art pay homage to an early 20th-century comic strip called “Little Nemo”. But it would have been extremely hard to do that on screen without losing the viewers, so they made Jed the star of his dreams instead and gave him all the hokey superhero trappings. And that works because Jed is a kid, with a kid’s imagination. But it gets even better when we see that Gault’s motivations weren’t about power, but about protecting Jed from his abusers because she had changed and wanted to be free of the limitations of her origins. It hit me a little later--it’s such an elegant metaphor for those who are constricted by society because of their race or sexuality, constantly fighting the huge obstacles wanting to prevent such people from any kind of metamorphosis (I mean, Dream gave her butterfly wings when he recreated her as she wanted to be). Which leads me to the one giant tonal shift that has me curious about future seasons. Dream in the comics is almost completely without humor. He is ultra-serious about his duties and responsibilities and way too proud, unwilling to change as the aeons go by. And his inability to change leads him to his end in a classic literary tragedy - even though he knows change will be necessary, he resists and even plans for his demise by setting up for the possibility with Lyta’s child as his successor. But it’s really hard to get a TV series off the ground when your leading man is not just the aloof emo archetype but stoic and stern to the point of needing to be introduced as a prisoner to garner sympathy for him. My husband and I were genuinely surprised in the first episode when Dream cried over Jessamy’s death, because it signaled a depth of caring that we don’t see until much later in the comics. But the TV Dream does show emotion, albeit mostly quietly and with a lot of amazing face acting by Tom Sturridge, does appreciate humor and irony, and at the end of this season does seem to see the need for change.

So now I’m very curious as to how they will herd Dream to his death. Will there be a back-and-forth because Dream can’t change enough? Or will the undertone about the universe having rules mean that Dream’s arc will be less about tragic choices and more about circumstances, with him having to accept the consequences of spilling family blood when he gives Orpheus the coup?

(Of course this is assuming that Netflix allows the series to be completed instead of cutting it off after 2-3 seasons. Yes, I’m still bitter about Sense8.)

TL;DR - I loved it, I think Neil Gaiman has taken full advantage of his previous TV experiences to find what works and find who will work best with him, and I will re-watch this series many times and keep watching any future seasons.

#the sandman #sandman spoilers #sandman comics #sandman series

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beardedmrbean · 10 months

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“1916 showed us the way!” didn’t it lead to multiple Eastern Europeans leaving their home countries to escape communism? And iirc in the 80’s ussr had to ban a American movie because Russians were surprised that even the poorest Americans could have their own car.

Hmm what happened to the Romanovs? Oh yeah after their murders they are heavily romanticize (heh) and later became saints. That usually happens when the next leaders are worse than the last.

I can say more but Jesus Christ commies are dumb, can someone make Liberty Prime already?

Ya some of the most hokey jerry rigged contraptions in history were made by smart people who were trying to escape their communist utopia.

Also you're thinking of "The Grapes Of Wrath (1940)" staring Henry Fonda, only thing good that ever came from a John Steinbeck novel imho. The Grapes of Wrath (film) - Wikipedia

Although Steinbeck avoided a call from the House of Un-American Activities Committee, the film based on his book, which subtly (many would say openly) criticizes capitalism during the Great Depression by following a family of sharecroppers, received significant backlash from the public.

In the times of the so-called “Red Scare”, such criticism was perceived as “socialist”, “Marxist” and above all ― un-American.

John Carradine and Henry Fonda In ‘The Grapes Of Wrath’

Therefore, when the film was given the “Red Label”, the USSR felt that it was time to step on the stage.

Stalin himself considered that if The Grapes of Wrath managed to annoy the U.S. government so much, perhaps it could be used as a propaganda tool in the country which he governed with an iron fist.

He approved the film to be released in the USSR in 1948, at the time when the Cold War was just “heating” up. This wasn’t a common sight at the time, as cinemas only promoted domestic productions.

Stalin, who had the final say on pretty much everything that was going on in the country, was highly suspicious of foreign movies, which he considered to be “subversive”.

However, in this case, Uncle Joe thought that a film which the Americans label as “socialist” must be heaven-sent in the largest and most influential socialist state of the time.

This was a sound conclusion given that the main subjects of the story ― the Joad family ― are suffering from poverty after losing their farm due to the recession which forces them to become migrant workers.

However, after the film was released, Stalin’s idea completely backfired. In the film, it appeared as though even the poorest owned an automobile ― a luxury that was off limits to an ordinary Soviet citizen at the time. Instead of evoking anti-capitalist sentiment among the common folk, it was as though the only thing the viewers could see was the difference between being poor in the USA, compared to their own experience in the USSR.

While the USSR boasted itself as the country that belongs to the peasants and the workers, Stalin had, in fact, canceled many of the privileges that were gained during the country’s first years. ___________________

Romanov's suffered from blue blood, but yes they were absolutely slaughtered, SOP for royalty generally speaking.

Last Czar of Bulgaria, Simeon Borisov von Saxe-Coburg-Gotha (you may recognize some of those names at the end, they're all related to each other) is still alive and served as Prime Minister there for 4 years so don't always get murdered.

Another fun bit with the commies is they blame capitalism for their own failures too, 'US didn't trade with them so they didn't have enough food' kind of thing.

hunger makes you dumb, we should have a give a snickers to a commie day, might help

#anonymous

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catawonkus · 1 year

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Got a goal for this year to read a book a month. Here’s my current progress-

January - The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue -DNF

Couldn’t do it. Everyone spoke so highly of it, but my goodness, I was halfway through the book before she thought to introduce me to the love interests! Something couldn’t just happen to Addie. It had to happen, then happen again, then happen again, before the author thought the point had gotten across sufficiently! I had to DNF.

February - Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - fun!

I only read the first one, but it was good! It didn’t rock my world, but it was funny, and the satire landed well.

March - Scarlet (The Lunar Chronicles). - SO MUCH FUN.

Years ago I read Cinder, but it was time to try the next one in the series! Don’t get me wrong, parts of this were hokey. It was trope filled, it didn’t shock me - but it was so enjoyable. This is what I want from my fairy tale retellings. And from my leading men - I am not immune to feral boys with a tortured backstory.

April - Cress (TLC) - Fun!

Now that I’ve gotten back to the series I need to finish! Not as much fun as Scarlet, because it’s less of a woman falling in love with a man named wolf and pretending not to know it’s a bad idea. But it remained delightfully predictable to a degree while also making me laugh out loud in places.

May - Winter (TLC) - had me on the edge of my seat

Honestly my only critique is that with so many characters, sometimes things had to be glossed over that I thought could have more emotional impact. Or sometimes the parts that were necessary to tie in the fairy tale felt unnecessary next to the plot, more than the other books, in a way that the others didn’t. Maybe if there was 5 books - this one had been Snow White, and then the last one had tied everything together and had the rebellion and all the characters sharing focus equally. Then we’d have more bonding time for everyone. Other than that, action packed thrill ride that managed to keep up that fun fairy tale vibe - the last showdown scene was both thrilling and, out of context, amusing, because you have all these fairy tale characters attacking each other. I’d actually really recommend this series for fairy tale and sci fi fans like me.

June - no book this month, sadly. I just didn’t have time :( maybe I can do 2 in July?

July - The Innocent by David Baldacci - fine

No, im not falling behind on my goals; how dare you say so.

It was fine. I’ve never read this genre before but I love a good procedural style thriller show or movie. But spending twelve hours on a story where the ending is a bit obvious and there’s not much character growth… Is a lot. But I did enjoy it! Don’t know if I’d read more in this genre though.

August - A Murder is Announced by Agatha Christie - good!

She got me as usual! I did not guess the killer, though I did pick up on quite a few of the clues! Always enjoyable to read a good murder mystery - it’s a very “autumn” feeling even if it’s still hot outside — highly recommend!

September - Twilight - dare I say iconic

I read this book when I was around 13, maybe? But haven’t since, so I decided to reread it now since this month I was in Forks, WA. The thing about Twilight is, the book isn’t as cringe-funny as the movie — it’s just a normal YA romance with a paranormal twist. There’s an interesting story there about a boy struggling with self control and a girl with a neglectful mom who has learned to prioritize others over herself, learning to ask for what she wants. There’s tropes that are pretty popular. Love at first sight, the dangerous bad boy. It’s a fine book even if it’s not the kind I usually go for. I enjoyed it!

As if you could outrun me! As if you could fight me off! 🧛‍♂️🧛‍♂️

(Also I skimmed through a book called Ben and Beatriz. It was terrible.)

October - Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? By Philip K Dick - a bummer in places, good sci fi

A sci fi classic that definitely left me debating with my friend as to the themes and meanings behind it. I’d recommend it — though it is a bit of a downer bc of the dystopian world.

Second book in October… The Goblin Emperor by Katherine Addison - my favorite this year

Extremely good, if a slog to get through at first. The impossible number of names nearly threw me off, but I’m glad I pushed through to get to the fun part. It’s always nice to read a main character who is honestly flawed but relatable and intelligent. Also, I didn’t even try with the names. I keep calling Beshelar “Balthazar”. I’ve only had him, Cala, and Csevet for a day and a half, but if anything happened to them…

November - Guards! Guards! by Terry Pratchett - a great read

You ever read a book and halfway through you say “this author has got to be British. Hold up let me look it up”? Very funny and also fun to read but with a big, if cynical, heart. The writing was shockingly similar to Hitchhiker’s Guide and I’m glad to have finally dipped my toe into into Discworld. My favorite character was the Patrician. What a weird and off-putting dude!

Second book in November - All Systems Red by Martha Wells - really exciting, tight adventure

What if your iPhone could quiet quit? What if your roomba vacuumed but was like, annoyed about it and wanted to steal your wallet? That’s basically this book. Really good even if the ending was a bit abrupt.

December - Artificial Condition by Martha Wells

The roomba is on the loose and wants answers, but it’ll settle for murder. Better than the last one, very enjoyable!! It’s honestly taking on a action-thriller vibe (like the Innocent, I read that in July), but snappier and with a genderless main character who has trauma. Can’t wait to read the next.

Second Book in December - Rogue Protocol by Martha Wells

These are short, btw, and I’m trying to read them quickly so my roommate can talk about them. This one was also good. The character development was way more distinct in this one (Murderbot is a bit of a pouter), but the plot was less engaging. They really do feel more like tv episodes than books, so it’s hard to judge them independently.

#books #mine #my goals #kitty takes on the world

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weerd1 · 5 months

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ENT Rewatch Starlog, 15 January, 2024: Episode 3.03 “Extinction”

A humanoid alien is pursued through a jungle by other humanoids in environmental protection suits. He almost makes it to a shuttle before they surround him and incinerate him with flamethrowers.

Trip goes to T’Pol’s quarters having missed two neuro-pressure sessions. He offers her some of his Georgia peaches he stocked up on before leaving Earth, and insists she try one.

They are interrupted when Archer calls T’Pol to the situation room. He’s been reviewing the Xindi database and has discovered a third Xindi species, the Arboreals. He also has found a nearby uninhabited planet which the Xindi have visited in the last few weeks.

Archer, T’Pol, Hoshi Sato, and Malcolm Reed head to the surface where they find the Xindi landing craft and an incinerated body; the body is NOT reading as Xindi, and shortly, neither are Archer, Reed, or Sato. They have mutated into the same type of humanoid incinerated by the hunters. T’Pol has started to transform, but only suffers some minor physical changes and is still aware of who she it. The other three believe themselves to be a different species, and want to find what they believe to be their city, Urquat.

Phlox figures out some of what’s going on from orbit, and Tucker takes a shuttlepod down to recover the crew they believe have been altered by the Expanse somehow. After a struggle, they get Reed back to the ship, but T’Pol stays to try and care for Archer and Sato as much as she can. Phlox studies Reed and realizes it is a virus that has rewritten his physiognomy, and that T’Pol’s Vulcan biology should make her immune. They need her DNA to synthesize a cure. Trip remembers the peach she took a bite of, and with that saliva, Phlox goes to work.

Another ship approaches and warns Enterprise that they’ve been fighting this virus for six decades and the only cure is eradication. They intend to kill everyone exposed. Tucker manages to convince them T’Pol is immune, so the aliens send a team to the surface to capture her but still burn Archer and Sato. Meanwhile, Primal-Archer has found the city Urquat which is now just rubble. The virus was designed as the only way to propagate a species that was otherwise facing extinction. The kill team finds them, but Tucker and a MACO risk the transporter to intercept them and get the crew back to Enterprise.

The ship flees, pursued by the alien guardians, but a recovering Archer and Hoshi are able to convince them there is a cure. They share it with the guardians.

As they are healing, Phlox says he will destroy the samples of the virus. Archer stops him, mentioning that they came into the Expanse to save their species, and that virus is all that’s left of another one; he won’t be party to destroying them. Phlox puts the sample in stasis.

I didn’t realize how hated this episode apparently is. To me, it’s perhaps a little hokey in places, but is a fine retelling of a repeated Trek trope. This calls back to Geordie on TNG being altered into another race in “Identity Crisis” (making it fitting that Levar Burton, saying he’s “ashamed” of “Extinction” or not, directed this episode). There are aspects of “Genesis” from TNG with the reversed evolution to a more primal state, or even “Masks” with what’s left of a now extinct civilization trying to preserve itself. Both of those are of course Brannon Braga episodes of TNG, but this one was written by science advisor Andre Bormanis. I’m willing to say though that this theme reaches back to the Original Series episode “All Our Yesterdays,” where Spock, thrown 5000 years into the past, begins to lose the civilized tendencies of Vulcans because they were savage then; does it make a lot of sense? Know, but can make for fun performances and that’s what I feel we get here. What’s not to love about Primal-Archer and Primal-Reed fighting over who gets to eat a giant egg filled with grub worms? (In the end they shared, kind of sweet.)

Archer’s decision NOT to destroy the virus because maybe someday the species that made it CAN live again is a pretty great step for a man who almost put someone out an airlock the episode before. A nice reminder that despite the dire situation, the point of Star Trek is that even then the better nature of Humanity CAN exist, and indeed should. Star Trek in that way is always relevant.

Next Voyage: The NX-01 crew faces what in espionage terms is referred to as the “honey pot” in “Rajiin.

(Images taken from the main website for @trekcore; I am happy to remove the images if asked.)

#star trek #star trek enterprise #Xindi Saga #Enterprise #Enterprise Season 3 #Enterprise Rewatch

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sleepyowlwrites · 2 years

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Power Rangers Writing Asks

because I can.

Mighty Morphin': at what point do you usually write the beginning of a story? at the beginning or later on? do you try and actually write an opening scene or do you just sketch it out?

Zeo: how do you approach the growth of your characters? do you always have clear arcs in mind when you conceive them or do they surprise you?

Turbo: have you ever written a surprise villain that ended up being a lot more interesting or powerful than you anticipated? do your villains tend to more op or more cunning? are your villains usually people?

In Space: have you ever written or wanted to write a story set in space? give us a basic premise. if not, would you consider it?

Lost Galaxy: have you ever gotten decently far into a story and realized that your title made no sense? how much does your initial premise mean to the development of your story?

Lightspeed Rescue: do your characters come designed to fit certain roles that the story needs, or do you fit the story around some characters? which usually comes to you first, plot or characters?

Time Force: how good are you at managing pacing? do you prefer things to be paced slower or faster? how important is the timeline?

Wild Force: do your characters tend to get along or not? do they have to practice working as a team? do they need to for the plot?

Ninja Storm: how fond are you of plots that fall on the reader? do you prefer stories that just start or ones that take a little to warm up?

Dino Thunder: do you like bringing back characters from previous installments or even earlier in the book? is it fun to keep developing old characters or do you prefer to work on new ones?

S.P.D.: which of your characters is a natural leader? is this a surprise to the other characters? is there any conflict surrounding leadership?

Mystic Force: if you write fantasy, do you prefer hard or soft magic systems? do you like fantasy with no magic at all? if you don't write it, do you ever slip fantastical elements into the genres you do write?

Operation Overdrive: what's the hokiest premise you've ever come up with? do you adore it even though it's hokey? what are some great things about stories that don't take themselves too seriously?

Jungle Fury: do you prefer smaller casts or characters or large ensemble pieces? how do you feel about redemption arcs?

RPM: have you ever written long lost siblings? what is your go-to parent-child dynamic? how do you write families in general?

Samurai: have you ever written a character who you intended to come across one way but when you read it back you realized they turned out other way entirely? please elaborate.

Megaforce: what's something you've written that is no plot, only vibes, maybe heavily influenced by nostalgia, was written just for you, because you wanted to?

Dino Charge: what's an idea you've had that you started writing for fun but it turned out way better than you thought it would be? have you continued it?

Ninja Steel: if your wip was a gameshow, what kind of gameshow would it be? also do you color code your characters?

Beast Morphers: do you often slip easter eggs into your stories? maybe ones that nobody will get except you?

Dino Fury: do you like to recycle your plots/characters/premises until you find one that sticks? what the wip that has gone through the most changes? if no, then what's something you might reuse in the future?

#sleepy's ask game #ask game #writeblr ask game #writeblr games #writeblr community #writing asks #writer asks #dino force brave is adorable and i love it but it's not included sorry

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ozonecologne · 1 year

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Review: Keep On Ramblin’

It’s been a big year for Radio Company! They had their first live concert on December 19, 2022 where they debuted two songs from a new album to be released early the next year. That day has come, so let’s dive on in! Is it worth the listen?

This new release does not follow Radio Company precedent. Instead of being called the expected Vol. 3, the album has an actual name: Keep On Ramblin’. From what I can find, the reason for the change is that this album was planned to depart from Radio Company’s usual style of rock and jazz and instead lean more into bluegrass, folk, and especially country. Keep On Ramblin’ is being presented to us as a completely different project, but it doesn’t look that much different in terms of construction; the album still only has 10 tracks – same as Vol. 1 and one more than Vol. 2. The run-time is just slightly longer than either of its predecessors: Keep On Ramblin’ is just over 38 minutes long, more than Vol. 1’s 36 minutes and Vol. 2’s 34 minutes. Also notably, the longest song on the album is 5:39, a length that Radio Company has never attempted before. The shortest is under 3 minutes long at 2:58. The final track off of Vol. 1, Dume, is the only song in their catalogue that’s shorter. There is quite a range in the material to go along with the style shift.

For anyone that cringed when they read “country,” hang in there. I can only assure you that this isn’t Blake Shelton country, this is Emmylou Harris country. It’s not Dolly Parton, but maybe a little Loretta Lynn (if we’re being generous). I’m going to tell you now: if you don’t like country music, then you’re not going to like this album. It is going to bore you and sound a little kitsch. I also don’t think that it will convert anyone that might not have enough exposure to country music to actually like it. This album is clearly made for people that already relate to this kind of thing, and it doesn’t try to ease you in.

MUSIC

This is immediately clear from the first track, Right Kind of Trouble, which I can really only describe as hokey. This one is not like Radio Company’s usual openers, which are pretty gut-punch strong. This is a much slower take, almost bumbling, featuring Steve and Jensen in equal measure. Even though it plays to the beat of a horse rider bouncing in their saddle, it does still manage some cool electric guitar around the 1:40 mark. The tempo also starts to increase around 2:25 after a pretty nice instrumental buffet, and it is undoubtedly the best part of the song as the power builds.

While there are still some traditional rock notes as somebody shreds a guitar in the background, that opening twang never goes away. And Forever Ain’t Long slows down the pace enough that you can really get used to it. This is the first real slow dance scene song on the album, the kind of thing that plays at the end of a wedding reception by the time most people have already gone home. Jensen takes lead on this one, and his voice is really steady in this middle melody; this is the sweet spot for him and he sounds pretty professional on this one.

One problem that I have (which will recur throughout the album) is that Steve’s harmonizing doesn’t always feel super intentional here. It’s a little limp in the background and keeps fading in and out. I’m not sure if this was an intentional mixing choice, but if it was then it wasn’t a good one. The choir coming in behind for the bridge almost makes up for it.

Around the 1:45 mark, we get a surprising piano solo, which is very much giving saloon. You really don’t hear many of those too often anymore (though maybe there is a reason for that), and it’s admittedly a pretty fun touch. We get some more traditional guitar solos later, but this one stands out for the group. This definitely is not a modern or hip album, and it’s not trying to be.

Steve takes over for Every Light, with its now customary twang, while Jensen takes a higher register in the back. At this point, I’m still a little confused about the harmonies; they lack some commitment beyond the first track, which is unusual for this genre! For a two-piece set, Radio Company is making duets that aren’t really duets, and that feels like a mistake when you’ve chosen the perfect vehicle to deliver that. There’s also not much call and response – another staple of folk country. Look at something like Golden Rings for example and look at how strong both parts could be.

Maybe downplaying the country duet is Radio Company’s way of “modernizing” country, but I think that if you’re going to make an old-fashioned album then you need to commit to an old-fashioned sound. Turn up the mics, you cowards!

That being said, the fiddle rocks. The most interesting part of this song is the belting repetition at 1:54, but then they never do it again? What was that even about then? The whole song is as flat as a midwestern highway without the instrumentals cutting in.

The first major departure (and the first thing I’m actually impressed by) comes with Ain’t No Tellin’, which opens with an organ. The notes are much softer and more graceful than anything else so far, and Jensen takes the lead with an incredible head voice that sounds just beautiful. The longest song on the album is long for a reason; it starts as church music that slowly transforms into a solid electric guitar solo, and we even get a brass section coming in towards the end. It’s the most complex song that actually takes itself seriously, and I think we could have pushed it even further: a more sustained choir, longer solos, more, more, more!

I’m impressed by how much Jensen’s vocal ability has improved based on this song alone. Listen to 3:40 to 3:46 with that sustained note and then the run immediately after – he’s exercising a lot more control than in the past, even at 4:25 when he starts to get more gravely the way he likes to do but can’t always achieve.

This song is worth all 5 of its minutes, which I rarely say about songs that long. I love the slow fade out at the end but hate Jensen’s forced laughter at 5:19, which brings us right back into the realm of cheesy again.

...Which is probably a good thing seeing as the next song is You Made Me Blue, a Steve song that doesn’t fit with Ain’t No Tellin’ at all. It’s got some more fiddle on it, which I do like, but the lack of transition kind of ruins the vibe. And I thought we were doing so well with that this time around!

This is a square dance song that’s extra good for stepping. It’s really charming in its own way, and I’m weirdly endeared by this one. Maybe because I love Blue Kentucky Girl so much? These opening harmonies feel intentional, which is immediately more country to me (and they even do call and response later in later choruses)! It starts like that anyway, but then as the song goes on the harmonies get pushed to the back again. Steve fronting with Jensen being soft and weak in the background is not a formula I super enjoy; I’ve said before that Steve’s vocals are almost too clean and I reiterate that here. Still, I actually like this one for how distinctive it is.

The title track, Keep on Ramblin’, is fine but reminds me of an old complaint... inconsistent capitalization. In the title of the album, the word “on” is capitalized, but in the song title it isn’t. That’s weird, man! Hire an English major!

Jensen fronts here in a pleasant register with a richer tone than Steve’s, but he’s not pushing himself. It’s a little boring. There’s some nice picking around 2:20, and the backing vocals are giving me I’ve Just Seen a Face, but the Dawn & Hawkes cover. Like, listen to 0:47 – 1:02 of Keep on Ramblin’ and tell me you don’t hear that. Those are all the parts that stand out to me on this one.

Sadly there’s no Akon to be found on Sweet Escape, and to be honest, I’m getting bored at this point in the album. The truth is that most of these songs sound really similar to each other and I can’t remember most of them except for Ain’t No Tellin’ and You Made Me Blue, which are really clearly distinguished from one another. The rest all follow a pretty standard formula. I’m not sure if this is an issue with the quality of the music (probably) or if it’s just a matter of sequencing (definitely) – but there isn’t enough variation to break up the songs. I guess I like the “ooh ooh oohs” in the background of this chorus, but that’s about all that stands out here.

The harmonies are a lot more balanced on Return to Me. Like Right Kind of Trouble, Steve and Jensen are on equal footing on this one, even if the note at 2:04 is a little weird.

This one kind of rips off Sam Cooke’s Bring It on Home to Me but it’s obviously nowhere near as good. We get more of a brass feature at the end, which is nice; I didn’t realize how much I missed the brass section until it came back in this one. They tend to feature more heavily than this in Radio Company projects! This song has a pretty weird ending in that it’s pretty abrupt, like they just chose not to finish the phrase. This is the shortest song on the album and I don’t really think it should be?

Restless Man is��another slower song with Jensen at the front. There’s a strong piano but Jensen is vocally a little less strong (I wonder if this song was recorded earlier in the process?). It’s another sobering moment of the album that I find myself gravitating towards just because the rest of it is so homogenous. We get the dynamite combination of the harmonica and the fiddle around 0:45 that continues on, and there’s also some nice layering around the 2-minute mark. There are lots of great instrumentals on this one and the variation is so needed. This one is fine, but looks better in comparison to what’s around it. I’m missing any kind of emotional journey or payoff.

The album ends with Velvet Sky, opening with a slow fiddle introduction in what I think is kind of a weird way to end an album. And you know what? I think it’s because Steve here inexplicably reminds me of Alan-a-Dale. This is for some reason giving me Oo-De-Lally, and there’s already a more impressive version of that out there so I’m not really seeing the point.

The song starts in earnest at 1:08, adding in some more layers where the vocals become a bit firmer, and ends by just trailing off. It’s like we’re watching Robin Hood and Little John walk deeper and deeper into the forest as the screen fades to black, leaving merriment behind them – the party’s still going, but they’re taking it elsewhere. Or, perhaps the audience has finally gotten tired enough from their evening of dancing to walk away, leaving the band behind in the barnyard to stumble back home and sleep it all off. For what it’s worth, at least it ended the same way it began.

STORY

Radio Company writes more... efficiently than they have in the past on this album, with vague impressions and mixed metaphors that really do their damndest to create clear characters. On Vol. 2, we got the story of Roy and Lori on Truly Forgotten, but this album has broadened the idea of doomed lovers to span a full album. The bare writing works against them on occasion in confusing the point of view in several places and withholding important information, and so I can’t say with certainty that I follow the complete arc of an album narrative. However, maybe being vague is the point, so as to not give too much away.

We open with the familiar trope of a devoted speaker that just can’t seem to win the heart of their beloved in Right Kind of Trouble. No matter how hard he tries, it’s never enough to make her stay: “It’s not if but when you’re gonna go / By the time you leave, well, we both know / Who and what we are.” He even idealizes her to the point of sainthood: “Slow down baby / Before you fall from above” – fall off her pedestal, or from Heaven, etc. It’s clearly an unhealthy balance of devotion and flippancy where the “black magic woman” keeps leaving the speaker over and over again, even as he begs on bended knee for her to stay.

But maybe, the speaker alludes by the end, that’s not such a bad thing? This kind of tenacity at least proves that the lover is strong and dependable, in that she sticks to her guns: “But you just won't break at all / You're the right kinda lover.” This is a person that can be counted on not to break under pressure, if only because she seems not to care too much about the speaker.

This idealizing and yearning continues into Forever Ain’t Long, where the speaker pleads for his lover to “take me to heaven / Or wherever you're from,” to a time “before the hurt came along.” We learn that at least one of these two is really in denial about how dysfunctional the relationship is, and try to just ignore that or push it aside:

The truth is in knowing, only makes it feel wrong, so we go right back to that old feeling we want it to be

Wouldn’t it be nice to return to the very beginning of a relationship, before any problems start to set in or things get difficult? Wouldn’t it be nice to never fight, or butt heads, or deal with anything tough? Our speaker yearns for that ignorant bliss when we can still project our lover as an angelic fantasy. The title of the song comes from the phrase that the speaker repeats, “Take me forever, forever ain’t long” – denial is a fundamental part to making their relationship work. Forever IS a long time, but the speaker doesn’t want to acknowledge that. He even begins to doubt if it’s worth it to stay as things become more complicated: “all the hours I spent here / Was it wasted all this time / Cause I'm slowly losing all hope.”

In Every Light, we discover through third-person narrative the picture of a troubled salt-of-the-earth soul that lives for the thrill and pushes his luck and can’t be tamed even by the person who loves him most – all very familiar stuff if you ever read any bad boy!Harry Styles fic on Wattpad in 2013. We learn that this person is caught up in “cheap tattoos and booze” and keeps “runnin’ every light that came upon them / Proved his love with the pedal down to the floor / Though she knew he was a wanted man / And always dreamed of having more.” This is someone that “rambles,” that cannot be tied down and lives passionately and in poetic pain, “hid[ing] in darkness.” This is the emotionally unavailable antihero that our lover romanticizes and pines for.

Ain’t No Tellin’ speaks to the false bravado that our rambler carries and also to his deep conflict, first hinted at in Every Light (he was “destined for a life of being torn”). The song opens, “Oh the fact is / Cold but true / Ain’t no tellin’ / Who I am.” This is the exact opposite of the line in Right Kind of Trouble that suggests certain actions tell us everything we need to know about who we are. But the rambler doesn’t seem to be self-aware enough to understand himself so easily; he speaks one minute of unbridled sweetness and laughter, only for anger to replace it the next. (This same disquieting anger appears on Vol. 2 in tracks like Quarter To, so this inability to make sense of oneself because we contain darker aspects has clearly been weighing on these writers for some time.)

It is perhaps this very fear of self that makes the rambler so distant, and provides insight into why he acts the way he does: “When you need it / And you know that I’m a little far away / Ain’t no tellin’, no, / Where the hell I am.” He’s running from himself just as much as he’s running from love, because what is love if not looking right down into someone, seeing them for who they are, and choosing to stay with them? If we don’t know what is really underneath the performance we give to the world, how can we ever feel ready to accept unconditional love? If we are unsure of who we are, that would mean to trust someone else to know better – would they give us what we need, even if we don’t know what to ask for? He asks his lover over and over again, “who are you / holding onto now,” unsure of her intentions.

As in Vol. 2, the solution lies in faith, though the advice here sounds less wise and more placating: “Just believe in / Every time / When we feel it again.” Rest assured, things will work out even when we’re not our best selves, because we can always believe we’ll get back to that original feeling that first brought us together. That will never go away. This moment is connected with Forever Ain’t Long and that original desperate denial we need to make an unsatisfying relationship work; it’s also connected to Right Kind of Trouble, when the rambler says,

When you’re lonely You can hold me close Oh then go and leave me Needing and knowing We’re one in the same

So maybe we DO know who we are: we are the same, at least there’s that. This assertion diminishes the fear of abandonment with the knowledge that being apart cannot destroy their relationship – the foundation has always been strong.

But is that enough to keep a relationship together, despite its problems? When is the right time to cut someone off?

For this couple, maybe that’s the right thing to do. You Made Me Blue is a celebratory breakup song: “You made me blue / For the last time.” The speaker is finally free, having given up on the promises their lover used to string them along with for so long. You promised we’d be happy, and you left me instead, the song says. So, good riddance! We get the repetition of things “going wrong” in the relationship, causing the lover to leave them and “[take] everything I had” with them. The speaker reflects on that desperation from Right Kind of Trouble and realizes that they actually deserved a lot better: “I was doomed the day we met / But now I see / That you’re no good for me.” The lover went from being TOO good to NO good at all, one extreme to the next. But instead of getting too down about it, the speaker revels in their newfound freedom. It’s a blessing, actually, to be left!

The song ends, “Yeah, you’re out there and / I’m here taking care of me / I don’t care / I’m just happy being me” but it’s just another denial. Letting go of those dreams of “more” mentioned in Every Light of course would be painful, but the speaker refuses to acknowledge that, and I’m left unconvinced by the end.

Keep on Ramblin’ is a delusional continuation of Every Light post break-up: “Left town again for no reason / Hit the floor I was away” echoes the “pedal down to the floor” line in Every Light. The reference to a “life of crime” later also suggests this link to the “wanted list” and “bad crowd” in Every Light. The rambler continues to live in denial of the hurt that he causes and the pain that he feels: “Nothin’ wrong bout how I’m livin’” and, “Time is only passing if you think of it that way / This life of crime is lonely, but only if you let it in to stay.” If we just “keep on rambling,” keep moving, keep running away from our problems, then maybe they’ll never catch up to us. If we never gaze into the abyss, it can never gaze back. This is why the rambler packs up and leaves “for no reason,” and why he doesn’t care to feel the passage of time.

It’s never really clear in the album who’s doing the leaving when: they both seem to be constantly leaving each other, even though it also seems like neither of them really wants that. That’s how relationships are, I guess: a series of miscommunications can break us, when not saying how we really feel is the greatest possible sin.

Sweet Escape is all told to us again from a third party: he (the rambler) said all of what we’re about to hear – his words are being reported to us from someone else. The flawed rambler thrives on attention: “He said, ‘I want to be the one people turn to / Even if it means I may be wrong.’” He needs to be needed at whatever cost. And just as things go south, his desperate bid for control comes out in narcissistic claims that “I had planned it all along.” Nothing’s wrong, everything is going according to plan. He’ll continue to boast and brag and wind the lover up with hot air even “knowing somewhere in the dead of night / A better man with a bigger fight may show / And give it a go.” Some day, someone with more integrity may come along and force him to face consequences for the way he treats people, losing his beloved forever – the rambler fears this, but will never confront it. In the meantime, he’ll continue living freely, “sail[ing] through waters [that] no one [else] has the nerve to,” actively trying to “reach rock-bottom… in a bottomless sea.” More thrill-seeking, more self-destruction, fueled by the impulse to destroy ourselves.

Return to Me is a little tricky to place. There are two possibilities for this song as I see it fitting into this story of the rambler and his lover:

1. This song is from the point of view of the lover waiting for the rambler to come back to her. On the one hand, it may represent a kind of yearning that can set in even after the elation of a break-up with someone toxic in You Made Me Blue, but feels like a moment of weakness that sets a journey of personal empowerment back a few steps. In the first line, the lover asks, “How far will you go?” And even though the lover does say, “I can't wait another day” – she’s through waiting around for them – she also confesses that “I’d go to the end of the world for you / If only you return to me.” She once again proposes marriage like in Forever Ain’t Long – “Ride with me / Round the lakeside / Got a raincoat and a veil” – impulsively jump into my car, run away with me, let’s get married. A moment of doubt as well for the abandoned lover, attempting to rationalize the behavior that hurt them: “Maybe I deserved it / To be left this way / I’m not sure / How I was so blind.” Maya Angelou wrote, “When people show you who they are, believe them the first time” and maybe that’s what the lover is saying too. He has always shown himself to be unreliable and untrustworthy, so how could I have expected any different from him? Maybe our relationship breaking has always been my fault, from expecting too much from someone that could never deliver. I should have known better. It’s a very familiar feeling.

2. On the other hand, this song could also still be from the perspective of the rambler, whose running has finally caught up with him to the point where he now understands the finality of the lover’s decision to leave him in You Made Me Blue. The line about “riding round the lakeside” would make sense given the rambler’s repeated association with cars, and instead of a rationalization we may find a moment of clarity: “Maybe I deserved it / To be left this way / I’m not sure / How I was so blind.” Maybe my actions really do hurt people, this was never as casual as I liked to make it seem, and I deserve to be left behind for treating this person who really cares about me as disposable. Maybe she was never really indifferent to me – maybe I just kept pushing her away all this time.

I don’t think it really matters which interpretation of this song you go with, and I prefer to think of it as both at the same time. These two people can think the exact same things for different reasons, which perhaps shows how well-suited they actually are for each other. For once, they are totally in sync. The irony is that they’ve also never been further apart.

The latter interpretation does make more sense as we enter into the epiphany of the rambler, our “Restless Man.” He confesses that he’s “had my time / Spent it livin’ off my mind / When all along it’s wrong that led the way” – he’s finally seeing his actions clearly and knows that he hasn’t been making the best choices, for himself or for others attached to him. He’s still not promising his lover perfection – “Ain’t saying I’ll be the greatest,” and it is definitely a “gamble” – but he knows that he cannot continue the way he has been living so far. He has to change. He pleads, then:

So keep on coming around To comfort me Oh and find us A place to land And slow down This restless man

The song ends with a desire to slow down, or, more accurately, to be made to slow down: exercise some of that strength that we saw in Right Kind of Trouble and make me new, the rambler asks. The question mark hangs in the air as we approach the last song, the end to the rambler’s journey.

I can’t fully make out Velvet Sky, and as the final track to the album maybe that contributes to the reason I find it to be such an odd ending. There’s enough to suggest here that Velvet Sky may be a reflection on the life that the rambler has led now that he’s decided to settle down (to a point). He’s seen everything he’s needed to see in the world: “I've walked down every street / Dragged both feet across most all the land / Bathed on every beach / So I know each grain of sand.” BUT, the song goes, the only thing that’s stuck out to him after everything is the sky over the sea. What’s left unspoken and what could give our rambler some peace is that the sky is the same everywhere. It’s constant, and you can’t outrun it. The speaker repeatedly mentions that the velvet sky is “the one thing that I love” – not a person or a home or a feeling, but the open and inviting sky, which has never abandoned him and never can. However, it’s later clarified that it’s the sky over the ocean that makes him happiest because in silhouette there he can see “where a sail finds a friend in the wind.” The sight of two boats on the water is his favorite in the world: an indirect way of saying that a loving partnership really means the most out of everything to him, where in Sweet Escape he only “sailed” alone.

While the wording is troubling, it’s suggested elsewhere that the rambler has abandoned the rambling lifestyle, as he is left “prayin’ I won’t end up just like the one who ran away / If in fear is where I'm livin’ for the most… away from all this wretched sin.” There’s still some uncertainty, some fear that this won’t work out and that the change won’t stick, because that beautiful velvet sky out there still calls his name. But this line does seem to imply that he’s through “running away” and doesn’t want to be the guy that does that anymore. The biggest piece of evidence that things are ending on a good (if complicated) note is that “you’re headed toward the shore to follow me.” If he is still running away, at least someone is running with him instead of away from him.

Ultimately, it does little to resolve the fundamental issues at the core of the rambler’s relationship with his lover about identity and darkness. There’s also an argument to be made that this last song implies that the rambler has been left alone and abandoned forever, rejected, longing for something he can never have. “Pay me no mind” he dismisses, and he “drink[s] wine from a bottle each day,” recalling the “booze” he was mixed up with in Every Light.

The story of this album poses a flawed but passionate character afraid to do any self-reflecting, and then refuses to ever force that introspection. It seems to me at least that the rambler never fully solves his own problems, and what little peace he may find comes at a cost. The album instead, I think, poses a challenge to its listeners: will you run? Would you stay?

For what it’s worth, I don’t think that any of this comes across well in the music of the album – there’s a total disconnect here between form and content.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Keep On Ramblin’ fits into country canon without standing out. Most of it is, and I do hate to say this, mediocre bar music. This is not the sweeping indie rock with quiet ambition that I was just getting used to from Radio Company; I wouldn’t put these songs on anywhere other than a backyard BBQ to fill in the spaces between better and more recognizable performers like Willie Nelson and Gram Parsons. It’s fine, but they just don’t go far enough here for my taste. Too many cliches, not enough belting or strong feeling, weak harmonies, and the instrumentals barely even get started before they’re over. There is no discernible arc in either the music OR the story that I can find, and if there is one then it’s too much work for me to even want to unearth. A lot of it more or less blends together, and it’s not an album that I care to think too hard about.

I grew up with classic country music and I appreciate it. I’m trying to be impartial about the style change, but I have to be honest: I just like this less than Vol. 1 or Vol. 2. I know that Radio Company are capable of better! As of now, my favorite project from Radio Company might actually be Vol. 1; I did not expect to feel that way, but that’s the project I feel most nostalgic for out of all of them so far.

Track ratings out of five stars:

Right Kind of Trouble ⭐️⭐️

Forever Ain’t Long ⭐️⭐️⭐️

Every Light ⭐️⭐️

Ain’t No Telling ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

You Made Me Blue ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Keep on Ramblin’ ⭐️⭐️

Sweet Escape ⭐️⭐️

Return to Me ⭐️⭐️

Restless Man ⭐️⭐️⭐️

Velvet Sky ⭐️

Average song rating: 2.5/5

Favorite tracks: Ain’t No Tellin’, You Made Me Blue, Restless Man

#radio company #text #music review #music #this album is EXTREMELY dean winchester coded fyi #the rambler is dean. jensen is dean. jensen wrote a dean country album.#and it should have been much better than this so everyone boo this man #i started this review so early this morning and i've been looking at it ALL DAY i need to be done with it #if i'm incoherent sorry!!! i rewrote this like 8 times

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mywifeleftme · 4 months

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280: Reveen // Stop Smoking... Stop Over-Eating

Stop Smoking... Stop Over-Eating Reveen 1978, Reveen Recordings

Novelty record with a fab sleeve here, featuring hypnotic self-help suggestion courtesy of the Man They Call Reveen, an Australian-born magician who toured a trough through Atlantic Canada for 35 years. Due perhaps to the limitations of the LP format, Reveen spends the majority of each side of the record inducing the listener into a hypnotic state by telling you Hooow reLAXed Yooouuuu Arrreeee and COUNting DOWN in a DRONing CADEnce before rather briefly outlining what is bad about smoking and over-eating respectively and supposedly planting the suggestion you mightn’t want to do either of those things anymore. Reveen’s accent is kind of stuck in one of the middle stages of Animorphing between his native Australian and a poncy Received British accent, which makes everything he says funny. I’ve never been susceptible to hypnosis (…unless?), so neither side pulled me under and cured me of my ways, though the record is acceptable as ASMR and I conked right the fuck out listening to it this afternoon.

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Reveen was both a mesmerist and a magician—I’m just old enough (41) to have possibly caught the tail end of his career, but never saw a performance. From what I can gather from the sparse clips online, he ran a very old school show, dressing himself in faux Eastern finery and no doubt reciting borrowed stage patter about having learned certain of his arts from Oriental mystics. His illusions look fairly stock, but he probably didn’t have to do more than the basics to thrill rural Canadian audiences in an era before widespread cable television and the internet. He’s largely forgotten these days, though his resemblance to Ricky from the Trailer Park Boys is the source of a running gag, but in his day his gently hokey mysticism was woven into the fabric of his adopted country, and a warm nostalgia still faintly clings to his powerfully coifed visage.

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280/365

#reveen #magician #hypnosis #self help #quitting smoking #quitting overeating #therapy #quackery #atlantic canada #private press #vinyl record #kitsch #camp #magic #illusionist #asmr #sleight of hand #legerdemain #prestidigitation

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peterpparkrr · 1 year

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All I want for Christmas is you

peterpparkrr’s 12 days of holiday drabbles

2. Christmas music + Sam Wilson

Summary: Sam loves Christmas music. You hate it.

“Have yourself a merry little Christmas! Make the yuletide gay!”

“Chestnuts roasting on an open fire, Jack Frost nipping at your nose.”

“All I want for Christmas is yooooouuuu, youuuu baaabbyyyy!”

It never stops.

No matter what time of day it is, from the day after Thanksgiving through the entirety of December, Sam’s baritone fills your home with a never-ending shuffle of Christmas songs.

Your first Christmas together you thought it was sweet. Every time you were at Sam’s apartment you’d know where he was, just based on where the soft hum of a Christmas carol was coming from. It was comforting.

You’d moved in together by the time your second Christmas together came around. And that was when you learned that he played and sang Christmas music all season long.

Which was fine. It’s fine.

Except you don’t exactly like Christmas music.

Honestly, you hate it.

It’s cringy and hokey and the absolute last thing you want to be listening to. Especially for a month straight.

But you also refuse to damper even a smidge of the unabashed joy and happiness that is Sam Wilson at Christmastime.

Bing Crosby is crooning when you geet home from work. You’re still taking off your coat and setting down your things when you see Sam come around the corner to greet you.

“Come dance with me, baby,” Sam calls out as he beckons you into the middle of the living room.

“Sam,” You begin to protest.

“It’s just the two of us, don’t be shy,” Sam says.

You finally give in and allow yourself to be pulled into Sam’s embrace, your head coming to rest on his shoulder as his hands wrap around you and you snake your hands around his back.

As you sway in time with the jazzy Christmas music

“I love you,” Sam murmurs into your hair.

“I love you too,” You reply as you pull away just enough to smile at him.

“I love that you put up with all the Christmas music even though you hate it,” He adds

“I don’t-” You begin to protest as you pull back a bit more.

“Yes you do,” Sam says. “But you’d never admit it to my face because you love me. And that’s what I love about you.”

You shake your head.

“When it’s you singing it, or you dancing around the kitchen to it, or us getting to do this? That makes it impossible for me to actually hate this music.”

“A Christmas miracle,” Sam quips with a smile as he presses a kiss on the tip of your nose.

And you two dance like that for the rest of the song, slowly moving together to the music as you just enjoy this kind of moment. It’s not until the song ends that you lift your head off Sam’s shoulder.

“But maybe you could play a little less Michael Bublé?”

#peterpparkrr's holiday drabbles #12 days of holiday drabbles #sam wilson #sam wilson fanfic #sam wilson x reader #sam wilson drabble #sam wilson reader insert

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blarrghe · 10 months

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trying to develop Rune's personality bc my first playthrough of an RPG always feels a little bland as I learn the game mechanics and make too many decisions that are just what seems fun/interesting and not ~roleplay~ so here are some notes to make her more Character so that she can make Bad Decisions. Just rambling. Screenshot of Rune looking derpy at the end <3

Race: Mephistopheles Tiefling

Class: Warlock

Background: Charlatan

Using that to inform things I think she needs a backstory of being kind of a long-standing capital A adventurer. She's not a Baldurian but she's been through Baldur's Gate a few times so sometimes she takes those dialogues, mostly when it's like "oh yeah I know that bar" and less when it's contemporary important figures because the last time she passed through was like a decade ago.

No qualms with lying or mind-reading, she's got warlock powers for a reason.

I think she likes to pretend to know things, esp about magic. Maybe secretly wishes she was a sorcerer. Using that one time she tried to magic a lock and then wound up punching it instead to inform the character trait 'full of shit about magic'. She tries, but when all else fails she's just naturally very strong and intimidating looking. She has a secret "real name" but goes by Rune because it makes her sound like a Magic Expert. She's like if a circus strongman left the circus and went around pretending to be a professor and selling trinkets.

Entered into a warlock pact to impress a former lover? And fellow performer? I think maybe she wanted to add some fun fiery devil magic to her act and made a pact and then idk ran away from the circus when shit got real. Yeah let's just say that Rune was a circus performer in her (younger) youth.

Soft spot for kids. She was an entertainer after all, the laughter of children gives her life. Kids love the over-the-top scary devil magic stuff and when she leans into it the response is delighted squealing instead of the more Adult critical side-eye. Super hokey sense of humour too. Had a whole teachable moment with that kid selling rings in the grove.

Tiefling racism mostly just rolls off her like. She doesn't feel a ton of connection to their culture (raised by circus performers, maybe a few tieflings but it was Diverse). But not above leaning in to the rep where it suits her. Just doesn't feel a whole lot of attachment beyond a bit of guilt here and there.

She let the pain guy hit her with the "advanced techniques" at the goblin camp. I do not know if she is precisely Into That but she's got a high pain tollerance and a huge daring streak. Flame swallower sword juggler strongman just wanted to see if she still got it. Also the draw of getting any kind of arcane perk just lights her up.

I haven't picked a romance bc I don't think I've even met all the options yet but I do think she might like to see what tricks Gale has. Asterion clearly thinks she's hot but I can't see her hitting that. I CAN see her teaming up with him for just the biggest baddest cons though. She doesn't mix business and pleasure she learned that lesson ;) so.

I can see her hooking up with Shadowheart but just because she's like, really pretty. Rune is still hung up on her bardic ex-lover from the circus (aka the halfling bard I made in early access and didn't really play) and just sampling the fruit idk.

Fundamentally she's a pretty good person. Squarely in the chaotic good camp. Wishes she were a true chaotic neutral and she'll lie or threaten for profit literally any time but actual death and violence makes her pretty squeamish. It's all showbiz baby!! Little reality denying freak <3

I gave her those gnarly facial scars so lets say she has some deeply burried childhood trauma (so repressed that even idk what happened) that makes her a bit of a danger magnet/risk fetishist, super protective of kids, and rigidly opposed to mass acts of violence.

Ok this is fairly solid (and close enough to my usual archetype to be easy to roleplay lmao) here's my gorl:

every time I catch her in this pose her right eye is just a little squinty lmao. lazy eye resulting from a torch juggling incident idk.

#new backstory unlocked #bg3 #bg3 spoilers #barely but just in case #like I have not left the grove/goblin camp but you know

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velvetwastaken · 10 months

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I spot another ask meme so you know what that means lol! 3, 4, 10, 16/17 (they're pretty similar so just choose what fits u more ig?) and 50 if you'd like!

well, I appreciate it! these ask games are my ego boosters lol

3. What are some tropes or details that you think are very characteristic of your fics?

Ough, this is a tough question. I'm bad at seeing these kinds of patterns in my own stuff. BUT I think all my fics are some form of friends to lovers or enemies to lovers (or they are intended to be eventually if the fic is pre-relationship).

I'm also pretty sure I use way too many idioms. Like excessively, problematically so. It’s also kinda how I talk though so that’s my excuse 😅

And I really hope that all my fics, even the angsty ones, have moments of humour in them. I know there's almost always something that’s made me laugh out loud while writing, and so I hope anyone reading it also finds it at least mildly amusing.

There's probably more, but I’ll leave it there for now.

4. What detail in [insert fic] are you really proud of?

Am I supposed to specify the fic? Let me know if you had a one in particular in mind for me to think about. I’ll just pick a couple off the top of my head for now.

I like the description in my levihan fic where Levi and his horse wipe out because I had a wreck almost exactly like that when I was working on a ranch. Actually that whole fic is just full of horsey details that please my inner horse girl to no end 😂

Specifically for ganqing, I’m actually really pleased with sneaking in the blueberry cookie detail in Must Love Cats 😂 It’s super minor, I know, but I had already written that part before I was educated about Keqing’s favourite cookie, so then obviously I had to intentionally go back and change it. It makes me feel like I know Keqing a little better now lol.

10. How do you decide what to write?

hmm. I feel like this is a deceptively tricky question, lol. Is it how do I decide what ideas to develop into a full story, or is it how I decide how that story goes? I think the answers to either will be less than satisfying since I barely know myself tbh 😬

For the former, usually there is a scene or image that sparks the initial idea. It might be from a legit prompt, but more often it's just a passing thought, probably inspired from something I saw or experienced at some point. Sometimes the process for writing the story is just getting to that scene, other times it's just starting at point A and seeing how far the idea takes me.

For the latter, I'm pretty bad for not outlining anything and just winging it, so I don't know that I 'decide' anything. It sounds hokey, but I do think I sometimes get to a place where I'm in the character's head enough that they are telling their own story and I'm just transcribing it (this was very much the case for Reversal). I am experimenting with outlining though, and it's been helpful to a point, but having decided what should happen next and actually writing the prose for it are two very different things and I am suffering 🫠

All that aside, there is a part of me that thinks nothing is really decided when it comes to writing, nothing is set in stone. Once I write something I can change it a hundred times after that. I consider everything to be a draft of sorts, even after it's up on ao3 or whatever. And in a way that's very comforting. Writing is flexible in a way that my life is not and I like that very much.

16. What's an AU you would love to read (or have read and loved)?

I love AUs. There are so many good ones! But for a current top three, let's go with University AU, Office AU, and Scifi/fantasy AU. I would read any of these AUs all day long 😂

50. Answer any question of your choice, or talk about anything you want to talk about!

Okay! I’m going to pick #40 and answer that one for this freebie lol

Do you tend to reread fics or are you a one-and-done kind of person?

And the answer is a resounding YES! I reread fics all the time. I have some on rotation because they are just that good they demand to be reread regularly. I honestly love rereading and even rewatching anything that’s made me happy before. Just because I know what’s going to happen doesn’t mean I can relive those feelings again.

#thanks for the ask ridl!! it’s always such a treat!#ask game

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antialianalysis · 2 years

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S01E07: “A No-Rough-Stuff-Type Deal”

In this episode, Walt begins to fully embrace his criminality and learn in on how to work with Jesse, we explore some of the others' relationships to the concept, and we more fully learn the threat of Tuco. That and they do a break-in in silly knitted ski masks and try to cook meth while an open house is going on, because season one is just like that.

(This is an ongoing commentary on all of Breaking Bad. Follow this blog to keep up with future posts!)

Presumably on the evening of Walt's confrontation with Tuco, he and Skyler attend a meeting for parents at the high school. A representative of the APD assures them that they're taking the theft of school lab equipment for methamphetamine production very seriously and leaving no stone unturned in the search for the persons responsible, with a delightfully hokey sign on the whiteboard behind him that says "METH = DEATH".

One of the parents asks why they're talking like they haven't caught anybody. What about that janitor who was dealing drugs? In the natural course of rumourmongering, the story of a janitor who privately smoked pot in his own home has become that he was dealing drugs, because exaggeration and worst possible interpretations sure are a thing that humans do. Other concerned parents cut in as the head teacher attempts to explain, asking about background checks, why he was hired, didn't he steal the lab equipment?

As the discussion goes on, Walt sits there stonefaced, bored. He's the one who stole the lab equipment, and not long ago he would have spent this meeting terrified and on edge, especially when they bring up how they're looking into who else had access to it. But right now, after the high of last episode's confrontation, Walt is feeling very sure of himself. Look at these bumbling idiots chasing each other in circles, with no idea that it was him, who's sitting right there. Why should he even listen to this ridiculous back-and-forth? Last episode, he felt pretty guilty about his crime being pinned on Hugo, but if he's feeling any of that right now, he's managed to mostly suppress it.

His eyes slide down to Skyler's skirt, beside him, and he sneaks his hand under the table to stroke her knee. She stops him, at first, but their sex life hasn't been much to write home about lately; there was that time the other day, of course, but that wasn't exactly focused on her pleasure, and there's something kind of weirdly, illicitly thrilling about the fact he's just doing this right now, at a meeting for their son's school, where anyone could theoretically notice.

(In the background, somebody says they heard about a school in Canada where a groundskeeper was arrested for drugs, and then they found out half the kids were on LSD. Someone goes "Why didn't you tell us about the LSD?!" Carmen desperately tries to clarify that there was absolutely no LSD involved here. Humans gonna human.)

They are snapped out of it when Carmen asks Walt to go over the list of equipment that was stolen. Skyler looks incredibly awkward, can't quite believe what they were doing. Carmen thanks Walt for making a special effort to be there with them as the head of the science department even though he's on medical leave, and everyone claps, oblivious to the fact they're clapping for the very man responsible for the theft, who's just been feeling up his wife instead of listening to any of this.

As Walt begins to read out the list, we flash forward to them having sex in their car after the meeting. Skyler asks, "Where did that come from, and why was it so damn good?" Walt responds, "Because it was illegal."

To Skyler, he just means the naughty nature of public sexuality, and that's pretty much the appeal for her. But of course, on Walt's end there's a whole lot more to it. He's bathing in the thrill of criminality right now, high on his success with Tuco. He feels smart, invincible, untouchable, and this is just one more way to ride that high and hold on to that feeling. Walt likes breaking the law. And that's something we'll be exploring more facets of for the rest of this episode.

Overconfidence

The next day (or later), Walt goes to see Jesse. It turns out Jesse has made good on the claim from episode three that he doesn't want to spend another night in his house after flushing two liquefied drug dealers down the toilet: as Walt arrives, a realtor is showing the house off to a couple, brushing off the shoddily repaired hole in the ceiling, inviting them to imagine all the things they could do in that big roomy basement where, unknown to them, a man was recently murdered.

(A thing I wondered rewatching this, which a first-time viewer might too if they remembered Walt mentioned the house belonged to Jesse's aunt in episode one, is whether Jesse is actually able to sell the house when he's not actually legally the owner. I checked and season two clarifies he had an agreement with his parents that he would find a buyer for the house and they'd split the price. It's ambiguous whether that's an agreement that always existed and Jesse's just sort of hoping/assuming he'll be fine looking for buyers and worrying about getting his parents to officially sign off on the sale later, or if Jesse actually contacted them offscreen about it after getting out of the hospital - bet that would've been a weird, awkward phone call, after how they parted in episode four.)

Jesse himself is out in the RV, ribs still bandaged. Walt asks how he's doing, and he says about as well as Walt looks - this is the first time Jesse's seen him since he shaved his head, and he thinks he looks like Lex Luthor. Walt says he visited him in the hospital when he was unconscious, still feeling a bit guilty and wanting to assure him he cared enough to do that, but Jesse says yeah, Skinny Pete told him Walt had been there asking for Tuco's address, acting like he was out for blood. "But you are alive. Obviously you wised up."

So Walt gets to make his grand reveal: he did go see Tuco - and he gives Jesse an envelope of money, his half of the $35,000 for the meth plus the entire extra $15,000 that Walt extorted out of Tuco (for my partner's pain and suffering), because "You've earned it."

He wants Jesse to be grateful, impressed. Jesse clearly thinks Walt actually going after Tuco would have been suicide - but no, he confronted him and won. He got all this money. He even got $15,000 extra just for Jesse, to make up for the beating he took. Surely, he imagines, Jesse will praise him, ask how he pulled it off, listen to him explain with the kind of awe that he showed when he saw Walt's meth for the first time.

But instead, Jesse is suspicious. Tuco just gave him that money? And when Walt says they made a deal, Jesse gets angry, to the point of dragging himself out of bed. Walt made a deal with Tuco? The insane drug lord who put him in the hospital for the crime of expecting to be paid for the product? Walt says they came to an understanding, and tells Jesse to look at the money in his hand, to imagine making that much every week - they'd be making two pounds a week at $35,000 a pound. (This'd make Jesse's share $35,000 per week; what he's holding right now is $32,500.) Surely Jesse has to appreciate--

But no, Jesse is even less happy with that. Without even talking to him Walt made a commitment to this dangerous lunatic that they would scale up their operation to two pounds a week? Where's he even going to get that amount of pseudoephedrine? "You think the meth fairy's just gonna bring it to us?" Jesse drives 200 miles to Las Cruces to meet up with his 'smurfs' who buy him the pseudo and back. "That's the bottleneck in your brilliant business plan. Of course, you would've known that if you would've just asked me."

At this point Walt is finally out of words to argue with him, realizing creepingly that he may have acted a bit hastily, again. We don't see how this meeting concludes, but we can take a wild guess that it was awkward.

This scene is a fun kind of reversal of what happened at the cook site last episode - Walt comes to Jesse bringing money, feeling like he's done good, and done a favor for Jesse in particular, expecting approval, only for Jesse to viciously dress him down instead. Unfortunately for Walt, though, I find myself decidedly on Jesse's side of the argument again here: Walt really did just announce to him that without consulting him he's made a commitment for the two of them to keep working for the guy who just put Jesse in the hospital, and made wildly unrealistic promises about their productivity in his continuing ignorance of how the drug trade functions, having learned nothing about not making bold assumptions about what's possible or feasible. Jesse has every right to be angry about this.

I really enjoy the way this plays out on a first viewing, though, because last episode made Walt's victory feel so triumphant and easily sweeps you up with it, and yet now here's Jesse just excoriating him for it, refusing to act even slightly grateful for either the fact he did it or even the $15,000 that he added on top of Jesse's share, angrily going over why actually this was an incredibly dumb thing to do. It feels like such a rough slap in the face not just to Walt but the viewers (probably most of them!) who were unquestioningly cheering for Walt doing this. I remember actually disliking Jesse for this, first time through! That's kind of a wild thought to me now because he's right: as viscerally satisfying as it seemed to watch Walt order Tuco to buy two pounds off them every week, it absolutely was an incredibly rash and stupid move, and it was inexcusable to do it without Jesse's consent when Jesse will have no choice but to be involved. But when you're swept up with Walt, you can really feel how he feels here, and feel a kneejerk almost defensiveness on his behalf. Or at least I did that first time! This show is good at showing people feeling and acting in irrational ways that you can nonetheless understand.

It's worth noting that Jesse is angry about Walt making the deal with Tuco before he comes up with a concrete reason this won't work in the pseudo thing. Mainly, the idea of continuing to deal with Tuco in any capacity just thoroughly freaks him out, and that fear becomes anger when Walt is there trying to push him into it. The fact they can't currently make that much meth is very correct too, but in the moment, it's a convenient rationalization; it wasn't the original reason he got angry, but humans always love to come up with more concrete reasons that justify the emotional reactions they're already having.

Doctor's visit

Walt and Skyler go to a checkup with Dr. Delcavoli about the cancer treatment; Walt mentions they have a baby shower planned next week, and it'll be nice to have a day that's just about Skyler, which makes her smile. The doctor asks how Walt's feeling, and he says he's actually feeling pretty decent; Skyler adds that his energy is better, that he's even gotten more sexual, frisky (Walt looks awkward about her talking about it - understandable in any case, but probably particularly so given the real reasons for it). That means the chemo is working, right? She's taking it all as a hopeful sign that he's simply physically doing better, which makes a lot of sense - timing-wise this is happening not long after he started the treatment. But really, of course, his sudden sexual energy has very little to do with the treatment and everything to do with Walt riding that criminal high.

The doctor is cautious about concluding anything from this - maybe they've just got the antiemetics tuned right. Skyler's face falls a bit, but then she brings up whether there's anything else they could be doing to help the treatment along, like alternative medicine? She really wants the treatment to just work, one way or another, for Walt to just recover from the cancer and be okay and have his better energy and libido and raise their daughter with her - so when the doctor isn't sure this necessarily means he's recovering, she reaches for something else that could help, miracle cures she's heard of, any hopeful avenue that could mean Walt just beats cancer and they live happily ever after.

Dr. Delcavoli very diplomatically tells her that anything that helps the patient have a more positive outlook is good, so long as it doesn't interfere with the treatment, but it's important to manage expectations. Skyler picks up on the obvious subtext that he doesn't have a high opinion of the efficacy of alternative medicine, and her face falls again; she wanted to learn good news here, some sign that things really are looking up or that they can do something more to ensure Walt's recovery, but as a professional Dr. Delcavoli can't give them false hope: they must realize that cancer is cancer, and there are no simple, easy solutions.

This is a very low-key little scene that I initially wasn't sure I'd get into in the commentary, but on a closer look it is doing a fair bit - for where Skyler's character is at at this point, clinging to the hope the treatment's just going to work and everything's going to be fine; for establishing Walt really is feeling better since becoming Heisenberg; and of course setting up two different things for later in the episode: the upcoming baby shower... and Skyler's interest in trying out alternative medicine, which Walt, ever practically-minded, has carefully filed away as useful. Everything serves multiple purposes.

Supply problems

When Walt and Jesse head out for their first meeting with Tuco, Walt dons the iconic hat and sunglasses look for the first time. Off-screen, Walt has been doing a bit of planning for the future, with more time to think than before his impulsive decision to confront Tuco, and among other things, he's realized he should try not to be recognizable as his regular self: the Heisenberg identity can't look plainly like Walter White the high school teacher, or he'll wind up getting found out sooner or later.

Jesse is nervous as hell, and after some tense silence he starts to distract himself by frustratedly grilling Walt about why he arranged to meet in a junkyard, "a non-criminal's idea of a drug meet". Walt, also irritated, asks where he conducts his business. Without a pause, Jesse says Taco Cabeza - a nice public place, open 24 hours, nobody gets shot there. Or even the mall. "Skip the part where psycho-lunatic Tuco, you know, comes and steals my drugs and leaves me bleeding to death." In other words, being here, somewhere discreet and out of the way, where Tuco could easily just murder them with no witnesses, has Jesse extremely on edge after his last encounter with Tuco. But as usual, Walt didn't consult with Jesse on this - he just picked out a location that sounded to him like where a drug deal would take place. The notion of coming to Jesse for advice, in an area where Jesse legitimately has more experience, is still something that just does not occur to Walt.

As Tuco's car approaches and Jesse is obviously agitated (he does this anxious gesture of grabbing his head as he takes a shaky breath, then winces in pain and touches his side as the stretch puts pressure on his cracked ribs, then sort of plays it off like he was just kind of casually stretching, and I love it), Walt tells him he doesn't have to be there for this. He hesitates for a moment but then says "Nah. I'm no pussy. I'm good." Toxic masculinity, ladies and gentlemen, stronger than fear of literal murder.

Tuco is all smiles as he comes out of the car, even casually apologizes for roughing up Jesse. Hilariously, he also comments on why the hell they're way out in some junkyard ("They close the mall or something?"). Walt hands him a bag of meth - only just over half a pound, which he explains as being due to "production problems". Tuco is unhappy and only hands over $17,000 for it - half the agreed-upon price of $35,000 per pound, minus $500 for wasting his time. "Hey, come on," Walt begins to say, but when Tuco raises his voice, asks if he's got something to say, they're silent.

"You're doing business like a couple little bitches," Tuco says, turning around to leave. And the taunt pushes through Walt's hesitation, to the plan he'd been turning over in his head but not told Jesse about yet - probably he wasn't quite sure he'd go for it, but manages a little blaze of determination here to cast the dice and regain control. Last time, after all, he probably recalls, Tuco responded better to Walt being forceful about getting his way, pushing as far as he could.

So, as Jesse stares, Walt coldly insists he wants the full $70,000. "You like this product and you want more. Consider it a capital investment."

Tuco is clearly annoyed but offers $52,000 with 25 points vig; Walt doesn't know what that means, so Jesse has to explain that it's weekly interest. Walt calculates on the spot that that means they'll have to pay it back in $65,625 worth of meth, 1.875 pounds. (This number seems to be calculated as $52,500 * 1.25, so I guess Walt is including the $500 that Tuco knocked off for wasting his time.) Tuco says no, he wants two full pounds next Friday and no production problems. Walt one-ups that by asking, "Can you handle four pounds?" Jesse actually lifts his shades to stare at Walt.

Tuco tells Walt that talk is talk, and owing him money is bad, before throwing a wad of bills at them and pouring the rest of the money on the ground, making it clear he's not happy. But he did agree, just like Walt thought.

As Walt begins to pick up the money, Jesse mutters, "What did you just do?"

New plan

Back at Jesse's house, as Walt calmly scribbles something on a piece of paper, Jesse paces agitatedly, ranting: there aren't enough smurfs in the world to get the pseudoephedrine to make four pounds of meth in a week. Walt, though, finally explains that they're not going to need pseudoephedrine - they're going to switch to a new method, one that uses methylamine instead.

Jesse looks at him in disbelief. No pseudo? Nope. And he breaks into a grin, sudden relief after a while of steadily growing anxiety. Walt actually has a plan, explaining a method patiently like it's the simplest thing in the world; he's about to pull off some new genius thing and just make this impossibility possible after all, and then maybe Tuco isn't going to murder them both, and it'll all just work out after all. One thing he actually likes about cooking with Walt is this idea of getting to do something awesome that he never could've imagined before, and while Walt keeps being ignorant when it comes to the world of dealing drugs, Walt's powers of chemistry still seem magical enough that it actually feels like it checks out that if he has a cool chemistry plan, it really might just solve everything. "Yeah, Mr. White! Yeah, science!"

(It doesn't quite make sense that they made it all the way home with Jesse ranting for a while without Walt at any point just explaining what he's thinking until now, but the way this plays out is fun, so I'll give them this.)

What Walt has been writing down is a shopping list of everything they need to perform the new cook. He tells Jesse obtaining some of these items may be challenging - not in a concerned, this could be hard sort of way, but in a teacher giving a student a tough assignment sort of way. Jesse tries to read out the list, awkwardly mispronouncing its contents (he reads mm, as in millimeters, as M&M the candy, which is adorable, I will be taking no questions), which quickly sours his enthusiasm; now he just feels kind of stupid and in over his head, and last time he asked Walt about chemistry didn't exactly get a great reception. He gets up and says forget it, he's out, he's just going to move to Oregon or something.

But Walt grabs his shoulders (Jesse: "What are you doing?") and starts giving him a motivational speech. Last episode, Jesse was so reluctant to try to do the cook on his own - but he responded well when Walt told him he could do it. That's what works on Jesse, he's realized: teacher mode, encouraging him, making him think this is a tough, worthy challenge but a thing he can do. Today is the first day of the rest of Jesse's life, he says - but will it be a life of fear, of never thinking he can do things or believing in himself?

"I don't know!" Jesse says, defensively.

"Listen. These things, we need them. And only you can get them for us."

It's not only Jesse who can get them, of course. It's just a shopping list; it's not like Walt couldn't buy these things, probably more easily than Jesse could if anything (as a chemist he would probably kind of have a better idea how to obtain all these chemicals and equipment that Jesse is clearly completely unfamiliar with, right?). Walt is saying this to make Jesse feel special and needed and important, so that he will stick with him and they can keep doing this.

He does, in a sense, need Jesse: he's unlikely to get lucky again with such a convenient partner for the drug trade. Which is not a real need, of course; he could let Jesse go and simply quit and take Elliott's job offer like he's always been able to since episode five. But Walt is happy and confident right now in a way he hasn't been since the series began. He doesn't want to lose that. And so, he's going for pushing the right emotional buttons to coax Jesse into staying and going along with his plan. He probably doesn't think of it as manipulating him, exactly - but that's what it is.

Originally, when Walt took up cooking with Jesse, he blackmailed him into working with him; now he's found another way to keep him on his side - one that's a lot more effective and functional, and probably feels less sinister. I'm sure Walt thinks of it as just a good kind of encouragement for a student who needs some coaxing. Whether it actually is, though, is another matter entirely.

Baby shower

Walt Jr. films a baby shower video at the White house, where an enthusiastic Marie asserts that twenty years from now when Holly (who Marie insistently wants to name Esmeralda) watches the video her Aunt Marie will look exactly the same - a joke, of course, but definitely a tongue-in-cheek expression of Marie's genuine vanity. She also tells Walt Jr. to turn the camera around to show 'Esmeralda' her older brother, only to be scandalized that he has it pointed "right up the nose" and quickly force him to turn it back to her instead - projecting a bit of that vanity onto him, too, even though he clearly couldn't care less.

When Walt is asked to say hello to his daugher on camera, he hesitates. By the time Holly sees this video, he fully believes he will be dead (unlike Skyler's relentless need to stay optimistic), and she'll never have known him; this will be one of his only chances to speak to his daughter. He tells her he's very proud of her, thinks about her all the time, and to always remember she has a family who loves her - things he imagines he'd want to say to her every day of her life, that he won't have the chance to tell her. It's starkly different in tone from the rest of this video, bordering on awkward, but he means it. And... while he can't actually say it, part of what he means by always remember you have a family who loves you is that he hopes he'll have left a bunch of money behind that she'll reap the benefits of, even if she'll never know what he did to get it.

Skyler unwraps presents. Hank and Marie have inexplicably given them a white gold baby tiara (but Marie makes it pretty obvious this present was all her). Skyler awkwardly tries to act impressed - "You spent too much on this! You shouldn't have! You really, really shouldn't." As a present it's ridiculous - something likely very expensive, tacky, and with no practical use whatsoever. But Marie is the sort of person who gets excited about status symbols, things that she thinks project wealth and class, so this is exactly the sort of thing she would legitimately appreciate and be into. Skyler doesn't want to offend her, so she feigns excitement and gratitude, while internally horrified at the thought that Marie spent that much money, money that they could actually use, on something like this.

Meanwhile, Hank, tired of watching the unwrapping of endless presents, takes Walt aside and asks if he's got anything stronger than beer. As they sit together over drinks he brings out fancy cigars, but falters when he realizes it might be insensitive to Walt's cancer; Walt, however, asks to try one himself. "I've already got lung cancer."

Walt notices the cigars are Cuban and comments that he's pretty sure they're illegal. Hank chuckles; "Yeah, well, sometimes forbidden fruit tastes the sweetest, doesn't it?"

That rings interestingly true to Walt right now, in his current stage of embracing criminality. Hank isn't such a diehard stickler for the law either, when it comes right down to it, and in this moment he dares to feel a sense of kinship with him on it. He muses casually about how we draw that line, what's legal and what's illegal - alcohol used to be illegal too, after all. Who knows what'll be legal next year?

...By which Hank thinks he means pot, of course. But Hank, DEA agent and all, is not as willing to go there as Walt perhaps dared to hope for a moment. What, cocaine? Heroin? "I'm just saying it's arbitrary," Walt says after a pause, guard back up a little. Hank says a lot of guys in lockup talk like that - and sometimes it goes the other way, too, with things being legal that shouldn't be. "I mean, friggin' meth used to be legal." Used to be sold over the counter at pharmacies! "Thank God they came to their senses on that one, huh?"

After a moment, Walt says, "Yeah." Not quite the validation that he wanted. Hank absolutely wouldn't take kindly to Walt's new business, cigars or no. But he won't let that stop him.

In the evening, when everyone's gone, he's already making plans for how he's going to make four pounds of meth for Tuco. He tells Skyler he's been thinking about what she said about alternative medicine at the doctor's visit. She quickly tells him not to worry, that she's not going to talk about that anymore - she picked up what the doctor was putting down, and she always knew it was the sort of thing Walt would scorn, after all. But Walt says no, maybe there is something to it. Skyler's brow furrows; I love how obvious it is that she would have thought Hell would freeze over before Walt would say that. (Bringing it up at the doctor's office was a hopeful grasp for the doctor to maybe agree it could be a good idea, which would probably have been the only way she figured Walt might have agreed to try anything like that.)

He shows her a website about a Navajo sweat lodge healing ceremony that's supposed to be good for the lungs; he'd drive up on Friday and come back on Sunday. "I'm not saying that I believe in it, but it might be an experience."

Really, of course, Walt is planning to spend the weekend with Jesse cooking up a new batch of meth. And Skyler is all for Walt wanting to try it after all, as he'd predicted. Everything is going according to plan.

(Tuco explicitly wanted the four pounds by next Friday; possibly he just meant Friday next week, and not the actual next Friday, which would have been the one Walt's planning to head out on.)

The heist

Presumably the next day, Walt looks through what Jesse has gathered in his garage, makes sure to praise him for getting the correct things (Jesse affirms his praise, Damn straight, talks about how it was hard to get, successfully feeling like he did a good job - he got exactly what Walt said to get, too, eager to prove himself after the bathtub incident in episode two).

One problem, though: he did not manage to procure methylamine. He couldn't just buy that like the rest of this stuff - the only real way to get it is to steal it from a locked-down chemical supply place south of town. (Get ready for methylamine to be the writers' go-to supply problem in the series from here; I don't know how accurate that is to real-life methamphetamine synthesis, but for the purposes of the narrative, it's the one ingredient of the new cook that is singularly problematic to obtain.)

Not willing to leave it there (he wanted to do a good job!), he did find some guys who'd be willing to steal it for them - but they wanted $10,000 for it, and by this point, after buying everything else, Jesse didn't have enough money left to pay them. What Jesse is presumably after here is just for Walt to give him some more money from his own share to pay the thieves - they must surely have enough, after the Tuco deal, and both he and Walt talk about it in terms of how much money he has, not how much they have collectively. (Really, surely the supplies shouldn't all be bought out of Jesse's share anyway, so Walt owes him at least half the cost, right? Maybe Walt already gave him extra money for half of what he estimated it would cost, but I'm not super convinced.)

But Walt's not thrilled about the prospect. It's a lot of money, and it's involving more people who could be a risk. Who knows how competent these thieves are, or if they might get caught and point the police towards them? He asks Jesse about the chemical facility - and then notices an old Etch-a-Sketch in a box on a shelf behind Jesse. He picks it up, shakes it for the familiar sound of the powder inside, and smiles. "So why don't we just steal it ourselves?" He waits for the inevitable how, and then smugly presents the toy. "With this."

Walt takes great pleasure in explaining his plan to Jesse - the powder inside the Etch-a-Sketch, thermite, is a substance that was used in World War II to destroy otherwise indestructible weapons, because it burns unusually hot, allowing it to melt through several inches of metal. Using his chemistry genius to do something like this and sneak in to steal the methylamine themselves sounds exciting, like another challenge for him to solve with his intellect - certainly more exciting than paying some criminals ten thousand dollars.

For the break-in, Walt buys hilarious knitted ski masks with colorful pom-poms on them for them to wear for concealment; "It was all they had." (Jesse: "Then you go to another store! If this is all they had, you're in the wrong place!") When a guard who was meant to leave stays to go to the bathroom, Jesse, thinking quickly, comes up with tying a rope around the port-a-potty, trapping the guard inside to give them more time (once again Jesse is actually pretty creative and ingenious with plans). They manage to get inside, but not without setting off loud, ringing alarms, and there are no simple gallon jugs of methylamine to grab - they're forced to carry an entire barrel that they can only barely lift together.

All in all, it's all pretty goofy and not exactly smooth sailing - they're clearly not competent supercriminals - but by a combination of quick thinking and luck, they do manage it, successfully making it home with a full barrel of the methylamine without being seen or followed. And as a side-effect of being forced to take way more methylamine than they expected, they now have much more than they need. This should last them a good long while.

The tiara

Skyler heads to the jewelry store to discreetly return the baby tiara in the hope of getting something more useful for the money, only to be detained at the store as the manager recognizes that it's stolen and calls the police. She tries to tell them it was really a gift from her baby shower (she indicates her visibly pregnant belly to help her case), but when the manager asks who gave it to her, Skyler refuses to implicate her sister and just says she doesn't have to tell him that.

The manager, unimpressed, tells her she can talk to the police, and he'll tell them his daughter-in-law saw a tall blonde woman with it who disappeared when her back was turned - which must be a lie to whatever degree, given Marie is decidedly not blonde. Skyler, distraught, counters by threatening to talk to the news about how they illegally detained an innocent pregnant woman in a dank storeroom ("This is my office!" protests the manager), then dramatically fakes going into labor until they figure this is more trouble than it's worth and let her go. Damn, Skyler.

As soon as she's out, she leaves a pointed message on Marie's answering machine. Marie dodges all of Skyler's attempts to contact her, though, until finally Skyler manages to corner her at another jewelry store to confront her about it - and about the efforts to avoid her, including sneaking out the back when Skyler came to her office. Marie scoffs, claiming she was just going to lunch; "Skyler, what are you, the paranoid police?"

Rather than chasing after Marie's obvious avoidance, Skyler moves on to the bit about how she was accused of shoplifting the tiara at the store. Marie immediately seizes upon what she was doing at the store, and taking offense at Skyler trying to return the tiara, dodging the shoplifting bit. Skyler doesn't take the bait and just asks what is wrong with her, why she would do such a thing. (Skyler never exactly expresses surprise at the notion she might have shoplifted it at all; I suspect she's well aware this is a habit of Marie's from when they were younger, and she'd merely assumed Marie wouldn't give expensive shoplifted jewelry to someone else as a gift.) At which Marie just shrugs, claiming she has no idea what Skyler is talking about, and awkwardly sticks to that bizarre claim until Skyler gives up and leaves.

I find this reaction fascinating and revealing. Marie isn't really trying to convince Skyler she didn't steal it here. She isn't trying to fake being the kind of upset that any regular person would be at being wrongly accused of stealing, or suggesting alternative explanations (unlike how she explained away the sneaking out of her office), or even precisely stating she didn't do it. She's just weirdly refusing to acknowledge it, because the thing Marie really can't deal with is not precisely being caught, but the idea of herself having to actually confront it. Marie's kleptomania is directed toward stealing things that feed her vanity and lofty self-image, but being a kleptomaniac and having to steal them itself clashes terribly with that self-image in a way she can't reconcile - so she doesn't. She has a firm mental barrier in place where she just refuses to examine or confront her shoplifting habit at all, and the defense she employs when Skyler tries to force the issue is just this flimsy, transparent refusal to even acknowledge the accusation until Skyler gives up.

And Skyler is loyal to her sister. She's deeply angry and frustrated, but she's not going to report her, or let the store report her, or tell Hank about it. I'm going to want to bring this up again later.

Open house

As Walt and Jesse prepare to head out to the desert to do the cook, the RV is again refusing to start, like it was early in episode two (setup!). Like back then, the two of them are frustrated and hostile at each other, but this time they're a bit more functional about it; Walt lets Jesse try it when he asks, and when Jesse does get it to start and gloats a bit ("Eat it, okay? I'm the king!") Walt says, "Yeah, okay", choosing to just let Jesse have this one.

Only then there's a worrying sound. The engine's shot; the RV's just not going anywhere right now. Instead, they're going to have to cook in Jesse's basement.

They bicker a bit more over maneuvering the heavy barrel down the stairs, but successfully get it there and upright. Walt asks about the real estate agent, whom Jesse had completely forgotten about; as he prepares to call her, he says, "Good call, yo," swallowing his pride to acknowledge that Walt may have saved both their skins there. For better or worse, our duo are figuring out how to get along and work together as partners.

Unfortunately, though, the real estate agent is already there, phone left ringing in the car as she puts up an "Open house" sign. They go ahead with the cook despite not getting an answer, which seems unwise, but I suppose they don't have a lot of time or options, and probably they figured leaving a message on the answering machine would be enough - they hadn't guessed she was already here. Walt's upped the ante for the cook yet again - they're making four and a half pounds, not just four. With the amount of methylamine they have, they'll be able to do that much every week for the foreseeable future.

"How long is that gonna be?" Jesse asks, thinking of the cancer. "I mean, in your situation? How much cash do you need?"

"More." This is a very telling answer - Walt's first thought isn't some goal, some purpose he wants more money for (pay for the cancer treatment, for his children's college...), but just the kneejerk impulse for more. The idea of scaling up their production like this is not really about having enough cash for anything in particular, but about the thrill he gets out of it. But it does put into his head that he should try to come up with a figure, some rationally justified target to go for.

Jesse doesn't question it, though - or at least he has no time to, because that's when they hear people: a bunch of potential buyers are here to check out the house. After a goofy comedic sequence where they awkwardly try to keep doing the cook and just keep people from coming into the basement ("It's occupied!"), Jesse finally just orders everybody out, yelling that the house is not for sale. This whole bit is pretty silly, and there's no real reason Jesse didn't just immediately walk out to cancel the open house when they realized people were there (maybe he was still holding on to the hope of selling the house, but he easily could have just canceled this open house without deciding not to sell the house if he really wanted to, so that doesn't seem terribly convincing), but on the other hand this was hilarious, so I'll allow it.

Walt finally returns home after they've finished the cook, collapsing onto a sofa after a tense and exhausting couple of days. Skyler collapses as well after getting him a glass of orange juice; she's also had a pretty exhausting weekend. Walt asks if she's okay, and she tells him about the shoplifted tiara, that she nearly got arrested trying to return it, that Marie refuses to acknowledge or apologize for it, that she doesn't know what to do.

"People sometimes do things for their families," Walt suggests after a long moment. He, after all, also committed a theft this weekend, so he can't help but feel vaguely defensive at Skyler's indignation. And what he'd like to tell Skyler about why he did it is that he did it for the family. Technically maybe Marie did, too; maybe she just really wanted to give them something nice, whether they technically wished for it or not, the way Walt hopes to earn them a bunch of money even if they probably wouldn't precisely approve of how he's doing it?

Skyler gives him a baffled look. "People sometimes do things for their families? And what, that justifies stealing?"

"Well..."

"Wow. That must've been some sweat lodge. Are you even listening to the words coming out of your mouth?"

Skyler is not having any of his little justification, especially as a response to Marie's behaviour, and it makes Walt self-conscious. He asks what she'd do if it were him. Would she divorce him, turn him in?

"You don't want to find out," she says after a pause, moving closer; he smiles, and she does too, and they kiss. She looked a little suspicious of this weird line of questioning there, but for the moment, they were just talking about Marie, and there's no real reason to think it wasn't just an idle hypothetical from a husband just back from a weird mind-expanding experience.

The biggest overarching theme of this episode, I think, is that Walt, Skyler, Hank and Marie all find themselves confronting criminality in different ways here, and we get an interesting, revealing look at their relationships to the concept. Walt is becoming ever more comfortable with his own, embracing and finding a thrill in applying his intellect toward criminal purposes, even when it's not even necessary or the wisest choice. Hank casually comes to a party with illegal cigars - an illustration of the same hypocrisy that led him to overlook Walt's pot-smoking while arresting Hugo, this silent implicit assumption that yeah, it's illegal but they're not real criminals. Marie's shoplifting habit is picked back up on after first being shown in "...and the Bag's in the River", giving a glimpse into the way that she simply mentally refuses to even acknowledge that she's engaging in criminal behaviour at all. And Skyler is scandalized by Marie's actions and Walt's tentative testing of the waters - but she still covers for Marie at the store, and when she finds herself accused, rather than betraying Marie despite her anger with her, she turns to lies and blackmail in her desperation, and is actually pretty good at it, thinking on her feet and successfully wriggling out of it despite her obvious distress. All of this is pretty relevant to their characters in the seasons to come.

But also - Walt really is already kidding himself about doing it for the family, and his actions in this episode have demonstrated that over and over, making it decidedly hollow and ironic when he invokes it as an excuse here. The choices he has been making here are, again and again, to push harder to earn more faster and do the risky thing that might get him caught or injured but is personally satisfying to him, despite that what'd be best for his family would be to play it safe the moment he could cover the cancer treatment. The idea of doing it for his family makes him feel good about doing it - but that's not why he promised way more meth than he needed to Tuco, or why he wanted to personally steal the methylamine, or why he just wants more.

Tuco's rage

Walt and Jesse bring 4.6 pounds of meth to Tuco at the junkyard (once again Walt pushed a bit further, to do just a little more than planned). Tuco complains that the meth is blue in color - a result of the new cooking process, Walt assures him, but it's every bit as pure. (I'm not convinced this makes much sense in real life, though I'm no chemist, but the show will make repeated good use of their particular meth being identifiable because it's blue, so I'm happy to suspend disbelief. Let's imagine it's structural coloring, like the wings of a morpho butterfly - rather than containing some kind of blue chemical, which'd contradict the idea it's still just as pure, something about the crystal structure is such that it causes interference with light that results in it appearing blue.)

After trying it, Tuco is thrilled, whatever the color. He compliments Walt, says he's all right. Tuco's men hand them the money originally agreed on plus extra for the extra 0.6 pounds. "We're gonna make a lot of money together," Tuco says, smiling.

"Just remember who you're working for," adds one of Tuco's men, No-Doze - trying to keep them in check, make sure they don't get cocky and still respect Tuco as their boss. And... Tuco flies into a rage. "Like they don't already know that? Are you saying that they're stupid?" Or, if not, that he's stupid? Why's he speaking for him, like he can't speak for himself?

Walt suggests they all just relax. And after a laugh, and repeating, "I'm relaxed," Tuco without warning knocks No-Doze down and begins to beat the shit out of him as Walt and Jesse watch in horror. Tuco proudly shows off his bloodied fist, then leaves them with a laugh and a "Next week."

Walt and Jesse are left staring after him, with a cold reminder that regardless of them learning to work better together and having the materials to make and sell a lot of meth without the previous bottlenecks, they are currently tied to a ticking time bomb. Tuco is violently unstable and completely unpredictable, and there is no way to be sure to stay on his good side - and they've committed to selling him four pounds of meth a week for the foreseeable future. (Once again, Jesse was entirely right to be angry about Walt making a commitment to Tuco.)

We could see this in Tuco already last episode - he waved off Jesse's meth being a little light of a pound, but then got really threatening at, of all things, Skinny trying to assure Jesse that Tuco was good for the money. It's a deeply strange, unexpected thing for him to take issue with - and yet there is definitely a coherent common element there and here. Tuco hates to have anyone else try to back him up, and I think it's essentially rooted in Tuco having this warped self-image where he wants to imagine more or less at all times that the notion of anyone defying or distrusting him is simply absurd. And when people try to vouch for him or remind people they're working for him, it implicitly suggests his position isn't completely secure after all, that they think there was some kind of chance the other person didn't trust him or didn't regard him unquestioningly as the boss, and that really drives Tuco mad.

Just the same, though, it's a backwards logic that's unintuitive to puzzle out and pretty detached from reality, and who knows what else might set him off; there's no way to just figure him out and be safe from there. That unpredictability, I think, is what makes Tuco a great villain for this point in the series. He's pretty lightweight in terms of character depth, but he's a credible threat and his presence easily creates tension. We, and Walt and Jesse, simply have no idea what Tuco might do next, no reliable way to steer clear of angering him, and that's pretty scary, especially for a high school teacher who only just started to fancy himself a criminal and his former student who already got put in the hospital by Tuco once. Walt thought that blowing up Tuco's heartquarters had him tamed - but that couldn't be further from the truth. They're trapped in the lion's den now, with no easy way out. And that's the ominous note on which we end the first season.

Famously, season one was originally meant to be longer, and Jesse was meant to die at the end of it (this would be a very different show if that had happened), but the 2008 writers' strike cut it short here. As a result, this definitely doesn't feel all that much like a season finale, in terms of structure and overall stakes (ironically less so than "Crazy Handful of Nothin'", which did have a pretty season finale feel to it), but it does work better as such than it could have, I think - it does in its way mark the end of an era and beginning of a new one as we've made our way through the rocky beginning stages of Walt and Jesse's working relationship, done a big heist for materials, and established the iconic blue meth, while demonstrating the presence of a larger threat going into the next season.

Even so, I think this is my least favorite episode of the season, at least on measures other than humour (it is pretty hilarious, and definitely stands with "Cat's in the Bag..." as one of the show's funnier episodes - I prefer the latter myself because its humour is darker and interplays in a more fun way with the sheer fucked-up awfulness of what's going on, but that's more a matter of taste, and the goofy ski masks are definitely pretty iconic). Ultimately as an individual episode it's just a bit scattered and silly overall, compared to most of the rest of the show; I found myself making more nitpicks here than for any of the previous ones, and there aren't quite any really standout memorable bits aside from the purely comedic.

That said, there's still some good and important stuff going on here for the overall arc of the show - the exploration of what criminality means for all four of Walt/Skyler/Hank/Marie, Walt's power trip as he begins to embrace how much he enjoys this for its own sake even if he still justifies it with his family, "How much cash do you need?" "More" - and very significantly, Walt figuring out how to manipulate Jesse.

With season one out of the way, I will be watching my way through season two and taking notes on each episode before I write further commentaries (it helps me have a fresh memory to be able to connect things together better for the season). This one took quite a while already; I've been having trouble getting into a good rhythm with working on these after the long commute/lunch hours that I would use for them vanished from my schedule, but I think I've got something going now that more or less works, so hopefully I can make more steady progress. I will report back on how it's going.

#breaking bad #breaking bad meta #walter white #jesse pinkman #skyler white #hank schrader #marie schrader #season 1 #s01e07 #episode commentary

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