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particular-one · 10 months

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my heart won’t start anymore.

pairing. dan heng x gn!reader cw. hurt/no comfort, implied relationship between reader and dan heng, falling out of love (or is it), heavy angst that is carlyle's brand™ author's note. i say i love dan heng then subject him to my heaviest angst ideas. teehee, whoops. is anyone still surprised that i wrote yet another fic to a taylor swift song? listen to you're losing me for maximum enjoyment. ❤️‍🩹

dan heng would have to be the luckiest man alive to have known someone like you and simultaneously, the most foolish man alive to let you slip through his fingers.

dan heng did not know where to begin when it came to describing you. to merely think he was lucky enough to call someone like you his was an understatement; you were perfect for him in every way possible, that it baffles him just how he's with you.

the way your eyes sparkled at the mention of stars, your favorite subject, before dan heng listened for the millionth time to your lighthearted ramble of where the stars came from. the way your laugh echoed melodiously in his head when he made a small but harmless mistake, how he would frown a little in shame but your toothy grin would make him forget his initial embarrassment. the way your head rested on his chest, humming to a childhood lullaby that would always have the same effect on his heart — to grow bigger in affection and adoration for you.

and you made him a better person, better than he ever thought he could be. dan heng had always carried the burden of his past reincarnation's sins on his back, but your presence always made the weight seem lighter. a glimpse of you was a glimpse of a life that he could live without guilt. and he wanted to make sure that he was worthy of it. worthy of you.

in short, dan heng found the perfect lifelong partner in you, end of story.

which ... just made your words pierce deeper than a knife to his heart.

"i think we should stop."

dan heng was too deep in his thoughts that he had not realized that he crumpled the paper flower bouquet in his hand. he was supposed to hand this to you the moment he stepped inside your room; march had teased him on the amount of dedication he put in perfecting his craft — according to the archives he has read, they called it the art of origami — but dan heng found himself smiling the entire process. secretly, he thought of it like his practice of building a life with you; handling the paper with subtle gentleness and care, folding it neatly to avoid any creases, before constructing a foundation for the camellia flower, your favorite flower.

what a joke this all seems to be now.

what was going on? where did he do wrong? why were you doing this? dan heng tried to remember if he had forgotten anything important. was it the time that he brushed you aside because he was engrossed in the mission? was it because dan heng constantly locked himself in the archives all by himself, that you grew tired of that?

".... stop what?"

you looked up at him, your stormy eyes brimming with tears that you were still trying to hold back. even when you were crying and breaking his heart, dan heng could not help but think how captivating you still looked. "you know what i mean."

why? "why?"

from his perspective, he could already see how much you were struggling to say it. you were shaking your head as your body was trying to hold in the biggest sob. it took everything in dan heng not to run to you and hold you in his arms, but what are the chances that you'd end up pushing him away? your words were evidence enough that you did not need his grasp right now.

"i just... i just don't see a future with you in it."

well, that hurt. that hurt more than the days that his other self wasted away in the shackling prison, mind swimming in terror and confusion as to why he was restrained the moment he was born. that hurt more than the time he sustained his deepest injury, because you were the one who ended up patching it up for him, all the while chastising him for being too reckless again. he won't have that anymore.

"why?" it was a repeat of his former question, but dan heng could hear his voice breaking as he repeated himself. moments ago, he was just dreaming about spending the rest of his life with you. to be able to wake up with you next to him and be the first to see the satisfied smile on your face. to stay by your side until the day you inevitably passed on before him.

and now, you were asking him to let that all go?

despite his initial reflections, dan heng took a step towards you, to which he was greeted with you stepping backwards, a sight that sank his heart even deeper. "but i love you." dan heng started, his heart soaring when he saw that his words still elicited a reaction from you. at this point, he was just grasping at non-existent straws that would bring you back to your senses. back to him. "we can figure a way—"

"dan heng." he stopped at his name, before slowly looking up to meet your gaze. your eyes were clouded with pain, sorrow, but most importantly, it was devoid of the warmth that dan heng sought solace in.

"i... i don't know if i can do this anymore."

you were no longer facing him, your back shaking in muffled sobs as dan heng stood there, as he watched you push him away for the first and last time. the feeling of the crumpled paper flower on his palm left nothing but a sour taste in his mouth. to think that he was so excited to see you.

"you're giving up then? on us?"

his voice came out hollow, his once forlorn expression twisting in incredulity and subtle frustration. to think that he was so excited to make things finally official between the both of you. he was finally ready to settle down and become the better man— no, the best man for you. could you not see how hard he worked to deserve you?

how cruel were you, really?

you didn't turn around to face him, but your silence told him everything he needed to know. it took everything in him to stifle the urge to let out a bitter laugh. how could he be so foolish? who would love someone as stoic, risk-taking and tactless as him, anyways?

"i didn't take you for a quitter, y/n. but i guess we're learning something new about each other right now." he spat out, which earned a turn from you. dan heng could see the hurt in your eyes. it annoyed him that even when you're hurting him, it still pained him to see you in distress. it took everything in him to reel back and stop himself. "so this is it; this is how all... this ends." he refused to let this flurry of emotions overwhelm him, as dan heng took one step closer towards you, and to his surprise, you stood, feet firmly planted on the ground. well, what does that matter now.

he was now towering over you, his eyes never leaving your figure and now was looking down at you. a part of him begged him to not say anything else, to leave with his dignity and his head up high. even if they weren't ... partners anymore, he could still try salvaging a friendship. and yet, his emotions took full control of himself at that moment. "i can't believe i even thought you were the one for me, but i guess i would probably outlive you, anyways. "

he could have sworn he heard your breath hitch as your eyes betrayed everything you were feeling at the time. a mix of grief, sadness and surprise at his words, no doubt. however, it was a fleeting sight that only slipped into another unreadable expression. "leave. please... just leave."

typically, dan heng would be able to tolerate the silence between the both of you, but that was because he could lose himself in your gaze. not now, though. his hand crumpled the paper flower even further before he threw it at the ground. dan heng took one last look at you, a small hope resurfacing that you would take everything back, that you were simply saying it in jest — but there was nothing.

he allowed his anger to overtake him and close the door behind him with a loud slam, huffing in mixed grief and anger and leaving your room for the last time. even when you were no longer looking, dan heng still refused to let that flurry of emotions overwhelm him. he shouldn't cry over someone who gave up on him as easily as that.

if he had lingered for a moment longer, he would have probably heard you breaking down in the loudest sobs on the other side of the door.

━━━━━━━ ˖°˖ ☾☆☽ ˖°˖ ━━━━━━━

it had been three months since you left the astral express. three months since dan heng closed the door to the possibility that he would spend the rest of his long, long life with you.

three months since he hurled all those hurtful words towards you, which he has regretted since then. but his stupid ego would not let him utter a single apology to you the following morning.

it didn't take long for you to pack your bags and leave, which dan heng actually found relieving. the more he didn't see you and mourn over what could have been, the better.

still, it had been three months. dan heng would be a liar if he said that you did not cross his mind once. well, maybe more than once. maybe a million times since you left. he hated how you still had a hold on him, hated how your voice would be the last thing he's reminded of before he drifts to sleep, but most of all, he hated how he missed you since that fateful night.

how could he have missed the signs?

the tug on his sleeve brought him back to reality, as march looked over at him with a concerned glance. dan heng just shook his head and looked down at the very thing he was holding.

a bouquet of camellias. real ones, this time.

"dan heng, if you're feeling overwhelmed, we can just—" he was already walking ahead of march without listening to what else she had to say. truthfully, nothing she would probably say would deter him. the cold weather of jarilo vi was enough to drone out his ever active mind. so this was the planet that you called home after you left the express.

it did not take long for him to reach his destination, especially with how fast he had been walking. dan heng could barely even see the identifiable pink hair belonging to march behind him anymore. he'd probably have to offer her an apology for leaving her behind later.

it was a desolate deserted place, save for the monsters that roamed nearby and the dilapidated house that dan heng could only surmise as your house. though, he knew already what he was looking for.

"hey, y/n. i know you probably don't want to see me again, but ... here are your favorite flowers, just how you liked them."

to find himself face to face to a makeshift tombstone wasn't a sight that dan heng could have ever prepared himself for, but the fact that it was your tombstone that he was leaving flowers for made his last words towards you sink a knife deeper in his heart.

how could he not have noticed your erratic heartbeat?

when you told him that you couldn’t see a future with him in it, he didn’t think that you meant you did not have a future.

all those months, dan heng refused to let the flurry of emotions overwhelm him, but maybe for this time, he could just blame the emotional downpour on the bleak cold weather.

"if you had told me you were dying, i would have stayed."

written by carlyle (@particular-one) copyright: all content belongs to particular-one on tumblr (2023)

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x-authorship-x · 1 year

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"I admit this is a bizarre ask. But I figured, you've looked at all the conveniently high cliffs around Konoha, yes? (So many minecraft results, nooo.) Do you happen to know *where* that pier is where Sasuke and Naruto do all their male-coded moping? (I believe the Hatake had some man-pain moments there too.) All I can figure is it's on an east-west axis for maximum golden-hour angst lighting. And that embankment is artificial? Like maybe a levee?" - Anon

Woo did you open up a can of bullshit here, anon. I don't think you are but, just in case- if you're looking outside of the walls, then I can't help you because I think we both know that my research lies firmly within Shisui-spheres.

("you've looked at all the conveniently high cliffs around Konoha" YOURE CORRECT BUT ALSO 🙃)

Let's just look at Konoha (a "3D" image, instead of the variety of shots or "maps" online)

We have about 0 pixels to work with if you try and zoom in so I try and look at it with my eyes unfocused 🥴

So we're looking for the pier from here, I'm assuming

Assuming it's the same pier/lake-

We're looking for something that shows mountains when facing east, which is the direction the Hokage Monument is also facing in. So, wherever we look needs to put the Hokage Monument behind it (tHe wHoLE of KonOHa)

Well, let's have a look at the map (and not make fun of my art ability when editing with my finger on my phone)

The red lines show (obvs not including the Hokage Monument) the highest points of elevation within the village boundary.

The blue lines show that Konoha is built within a bowl but the whole valley is also at an angle with highest point marked with a white dot (Hokage Monument) and the lowest (black) where the largest part of the Naka leaves the village boundaries.

The Naka is split into several branches and we know that the larger sections can be both fast flowing as well as relatively peaceful. The cliffs lined in red are out, since we assume that is where Shisui died-

(Warning: Shisui Dying

It's a huge fucking jump and that current isn't messing around. Considering the waterfall, you'd think it would be at the waterfall I helpfully circled in red but NOPE. Because there's no cliff in front, the "red circle" waterfall seems fuller in shape (more circle 🥴), than the long and fast river we see above^

This is the issue with Narutoverse 🤡 the gaps are fucking massive, so there is an invisible waterfall somewhere on those red underlined cliffs where Shisui died, he was probably chased by ROOT in the trees just south of there, which means the Uchiha Shrine and Compound must be located in that area too (because otherwise how the fuck wasn't any of this witnessed or interrupted???)

I've gone off tangent. But, then again, you came to me for help so I think you knew what you were getting into, Anon 🤣

TL;DR: Shisui died at the cliffs underlined in red.)

Please scroll back up to the "Doodled Map"

From the look of things, I'd say the Pier of Boyhood Angst was the waterfall smack bang in the red circle.

If you think that the red circled body of water is flat, then voila, I've found the pier.

If, like me, you think those handful of pixels look more like a waterfall, we're in trouble.

It's not a neat answer. The water is too still and has the feel of a much larger body of water YET, from this panel, we know that it must be in the middle of the village because the buildings are positioned in such a way to suggest lines of streets going in different directions: if they were on the outskirts, the buildings would be better spaced.

In the doodled map, we can see that there is a grey smudge behind the top of the waterfall, that looks different from "Shisui's Cliffs" but that more closely resembles the grainy "city bits". This would fit with the panel of Sasuke with the buildings behind him if not for the huge waterfall also missing 🤣. Opposite the waterfall, are a few blurry somethings and then a lot of trees. Sasuke also seems to be facing the sunset, which is East and the direction that the Hokage Monument (and, roughly, the waterfall too) is facing towards, putting them at Sasuke's back.

So, either we accept that this is the spot anyway, and ignore the slightly glaring counter evidence, or we keep going.

In the Doodled Map, between the white dot and the top right hand blue arrow, there is a bit of river that looks fatter than the rest. I can't see where it connects to the rest of the Naka, so maybe it's an actual lake? Maybe it's just a weird bit of blue and not water? Is this the pier? Maybe! I'm not convinced but, once more, you're welcome to grab this option - wilfully ignoring that it might not actually be water - and enjoy!

But, oh, wait- look at Portrait of Hatake Familial Love, again

*please scroll up*

They're not in that high corner of the village because the whole of Konoha, if they are indeed facing the setting sun (and that's obvious 🤷), would be visible in front of them.

So that's a 'no'.

Let's swap maps. I love that they don't all look the same regardless of time period, variety is the spice of life ✨

Here there are no nice bodies of water for nice broody piers. Another damning fact: this is it after Pein's curb-stomp so it's a new version of Konoha, 2.0 if you will - or 3.0, depending on how much damage you think the Kyuubi wrought. Why did I use it? Because I was figuring that even Pein couldn't completely destroy the bodies of water/flow of the Naka, which in this post-rebuild map does seem to resemble the OG map above^. However, it's still not helpful. Conclusion: That's Not My Pier.

Let's try again!

0/10, there's no waterfall, barely ANY Naka river, and absolutely no pier to brood on. The Uchiha Clan looks weird and not very big and not very isolated and not very good for an uninterrupted massacre. I ventured to Narutopedia and everything. Conclusion: That's Not My Pier.

Third time is the charm, right?

0/10, where is the water? Let's fast forward-

Here me out 🤣

This is the Konoha of the Rookie Nine's childhood. Yeah, it's mid-destruction but look, look, look! An exploding body of water! Could that be where the Pier is? Well... maybe not because I'm not seeing any huge village boundary walls in the panel behind Sasuke, when he has his back to buildings. Conclusion: Not My Pier (but maybe like a close-your-eyes-and-pretend situation?)

Final thoughts... you have three options:

1) Sasuke is tangential to a waterfall which pours so perfectly, like those TikToks of teapot making, that the water doesn't even ripple. In Narutoverse, the setting sun wiggles around a bit on the horizon, very thoughtfully, so it's always in frame for Brooding.

2) Sasuke is located on a pier that may or may not be water in the very top corner of the Doodled Map. Godspeed, if so because there must be a serious (and not at all well-shown in the maps) hill that blocks the whole village from the view.

3) Sasuke is technically outside of the village boundary and the path, where Naruto is looking down from, is on the other side of the village wall (if you think the local Jinchuuriki would be allowed to cross it) and we just can't see it for mysterious reasons.

4) the red circled water is NOT a waterfall and I can't interpret pixels well enough. Ignore all of this P.I work and enjoy success!

Final-Final thoughts:

Narutoverse is a hot mess

You definitely got more than what you signed up for, Anon, but seeing as this took me several hours, I think I did too lmao

Hope this helped, somehow! ✨👋

#submission #anon #torship talks #torship talks a lot of crap lol #shisui #sasuke #konoha maps #konoha #Narutoverse bullshit

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dragoneyes618 · 1 month

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There’s a “new wisdom” making the rounds in foreign-policy circles in Washington. It goes something like this: Israelis were so traumatized by Hamas’s brutal invasion on Oct. 7 that they can’t think straight about their interests. This is the reason why 85% of Israelis oppose Palestinian statehood and 99 out of 120 Knesset members voted for a resolution opposing unilateral recognition of a Palestinian state by foreign governments on Feb. 21.

U.S. Ambassador to Israel Jack Lew took the new line public. In his address on Feb. 18 before the Conference of Presidents of Major American Jewish Organizations meeting in Jerusalem, he asserted therapeutically that “discussing” Palestinian statehood “is a huge challenge for a nation still in a state of trauma.”

On Thursday, former Defense Secretary Robert Gates made a similar argument in a conversation with The Washington Post’s David Ignatius. Gates acknowledged that Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu’s opposition to the establishment of a Palestinian state is shared by the people of Israel. Like Lew, he attributed Israel’s wall-to-wall opposition to a Palestinian state to “the traumatic effect on Israel of Oct. 7,” which, he asserted, “had a huge impact psychologically inside of Israel.”

The “new wisdom” that Israelis are acting out of trauma is deliberately manipulative. Obviously, Israelis were traumatized by Oct. 7. The atrocities meted out that day by thousands of Palestinians—in and out of Hamas—against thousands of Israeli civilians and soldiers left a gaping hole in the hearts of every Israeli. How could it be otherwise? Any population in any country whose fellow citizens suffered far lesser atrocities simply because of their national identity would be traumatized.

But while it’s true that Israelis were traumatized by the slaughter that Black Shabbat, it doesn’t follow that their post-Oct. 7 positions are an emotional response to trauma, which Israelis can be expected to abandon once they get past their emotional angst.

As a people, Israelis have responded rationally and bravely to the events of that day. In the face of the Holocaust Hamas and its civilian followers enacted on southern Israel, Israelis immediately mobilized for war. The goal of the war—embraced by more than 90% of Israelis—is total victory over the enemy that did this.

Although it is seldom said outright by politicians afraid of American wrath, victory for Israelis means no Palestinian state—ever. This isn’t a vengeful or emotional determination. It is a rational understanding that Oct. 7 was the outcome of Palestinian statehood.

Gaza has been an independent Palestinian state since Israel withdrew all of its civilians and military forces in August 2005. The fact that the Palestinians chose not to present themselves as such doesn’t change the basic fact that they have been fully sovereign for more than 18 years.

Rather than build the institutions of a state, the Palestinians in Gaza, Judea and Samaria freely chose to be ruled by Hamas, which they overwhelmingly support. And as is the wont of jihadist terror groups, Hamas used its control over the Palestinian state in Gaza to build a sadistic death machine.

On Feb. 21, the Association of Rape Crisis Centers in Israel submitted a 39-page report to the United Nations. Titled “Silent Cry: Sexual Crimes in the October 7 War,” the report details the systematic, methodical employment of gang rape, sexual mutilation and other sexual violence that Hamas employed against Israeli women, men, girls and boys at multiple locations on Oct. 7. The report demonstrates that sex crimes were a premeditated tactic deliberately deployed against the Israeli victims to cause maximum humiliation and trauma for the victims, the victims’ families and Israeli society as a whole.

When then-Prime Minister Ariel Sharon ordered the unilateral withdrawal from the Gaza Strip, he and his associates promised that free from Israeli control or presence of any kind, the Palestinians would turn Gaza into a Singapore. The Association of Rape Crisis Centers’ report served as yet another reminder of how deluded they were. Rather than build a mini-Singapore, the Palestinians chose to organize themselves around the doctrine of jihad and its call to annihilate Israel. The Palestinians chose this path and continue to support it in Gaza, Judea and Samaria because they are a jihadist society. Jihad, meaning Islamic holy war for global domination. It seeks the extermination, subjugation and humiliation of its perceived enemies, starting with the Jews.

The Palestinians have never hidden their jihadist sentiments and convictions. They call the Oct. 7 invasion and the current war “The Al-Aksa Flood.” Likewise, then PLO chief Yasser Arafat called the terror war he initiated against Israel in September 2000 the “Al-Aksa Intifada.” Palestinians view Al-Aksa, the mosque that stands at the center of the Temple Mount—Judaism’s holiest site—as the epicenter of their jihadist war to destroy the Jews and the Jewish state. Every aspect of Palestinian society is directed towards Al-Aksa.

For decades, Israeli supporters of the two-state solution insistently denied this basic truth about the nature of the Palestinian war against Israel. After Oct. 7, they were no longer able to do so. This is why today, 92% of Israeli Jews oppose Palestinian statehood. This is why the largely undiscussed “day after” vision for post-war Gaza—and indeed, post-war Israeli-Palestinian relations—is a vision in which there is no Palestinian state in Gaza or Judea and Samaria.

The idea of a Palestinian state was a way to ignore jihad

If Israelis are intent on preventing a recurrence of Oct. 7, then they have no choice other than to oppose completely the re-establishment of the Palestinian state in Gaza, much less its expansion into Judea, Samaria and Jerusalem. This isn’t an overblown emotional reaction to trauma; it is a rational response to a brutally clarifying event.

The real question is not why Israelis now oppose a Palestinian state. It is why President Joe Biden and his administration, and the U.S. foreign-policy establishment, continue to support its creation.

The answer is that for the West, as for the pre-Oct. 7 Israeli left, a Palestinian state was never a means to achieve peace. It was a way to ignore jihad. If the cause for unrest, violence, terrorism and mayhem in the Muslim world is the absence of a Palestinian state, then the culprit has to be Israel. All you need to do to stop Islamic extremism is force Israel to give parts of its territory to the Palestinians, or in extremis, to abandon its Jewish national identity.

The American determination to ignore the jihadist core of the wars, WMD proliferation, terrorism and instability both within and emanating from the Muslim states and societies of the Middle East has been the foundation of America’s serial failures in its wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.

The only U.S. president who predicated his Middle East policy on the recognition of the centrality of jihad in the Islamic world was Donald Trump. It was Trump’s willingness to base his Middle East policy on reality—rather than willful blindness to reality—that made his tenure in office so successful. His ability to oversee the Abraham Accords was a consequence of the faith the Sunni Arabs and Israelis had in a U.S. policy that was willing to stake out a clear position against jihadists and their imperialist and genocidal goals.

In his conversation with Ignatius, Gates noted that the leaders of Israel, Saudi Arabia and the United Arab Emirates have conducted “more visits to Beijing and Moscow … in the last three years than there have been to Washington, D.C.” He attributed this phenomenon to a common desire to hedge their bets in light of the unpredictability of America’s Middle East policies. There may be some of that behind the shift. But more likely, the Saudis, Emiratis and Israelis view Biden’s Palestinian-state-focused and Iran-appeasing policies as delusional and dangerous.

Gaza must be fully demilitarized and deradicalized

Buoyed on by the Knesset vote against unilateral recognition of Palestinian statehood, Netanyahu presented his plan on Feb. 22 for “the day after” the war in Gaza to the security cabinet. He said that the precondition for any day-after policy is the full achievement of all of Israel’s war goals. Those include the eradication of the military and governing capabilities of Hamas and Palestinian Islamic Jihad; the return of all of the hostages; and the prevention of Gaza’s re-emergence as a military threat in perpetuity.

The plan envisions Israel retaining security control over Gaza and total freedom of operation in the area indefinitely. To this end, Israel will set up a buffer zone inside Gaza to prevent terrorists from infiltrating Israeli territory. It will exert full security control over the Gaza-Egyptian border to prevent the regeneration of the Palestinians’ terrorist infrastructures and military capabilities after the war. It further stipulates that Israel will have full security control on air, land, sea and the electromagnetic spectrum over the entire landmass west of the Jordan River.

On the civil governance front, Netanyahu’s plan calls for the establishment of local governing structures in Gaza staffed by people with management experience and no ties to terrorism whatsoever. This rules out the transfer of control over Gaza to the terror-soaked Palestinian Authority. The Netanyahu plan involves deradicalizing the population of Gaza by, among other things, shutting down UNRWA and replacing it with a humanitarian organization with no ties to terrorism. UNRWA, the U.N.’s Palestinian aid agency, currently runs most of the schools in Gaza. In the past 18 years, UNRWA has been fully integrated into Hamas’s terrorist infrastructure. Not only are its facilities Hamas facilities, but its employees are full participants in Hamas’s terrorist operations and command-and-control structure.

Netanyahu’s plan stipulates that Gaza can only be rebuilt after it has been fully demilitarized and deradicalized. The reconstruction plan will be conducted only by countries that receive Israeli approval.

Finally, resonating the Knesset resolution, the plan asserts: “Israel rejects out of hand international dictates regarding the final settlement with the Palestinians. Such a settlement can only be achieved through direct negotiations between the sides with no preconditions. Israel will continue to oppose unilateral recognition of a Palestinian state. Such recognition after the massacre of Oct. 7 would constitute “an unprecedented, massive prize to terrorism and will prevent any future peace agreement.”

Unsurprisingly, the Palestinians rejected Netanyahu’s proposal. But the United States would be well-advised to adopt it. It is not the ravings of an overwrought leader. It is the sober-minded, shared position of the vast majority of Israelis. Both those Israelis who have long understood the implications of the Palestinians’ jihadist aspirations and those who came to terms with them on Oct. 7 understand that a Palestinian state west of the Jordan River is an existential threat to the State of Israel.

Come what may, it must never again be allowed to arise. It is irrational for America to pretend this reality away.

#caroline glick #pro israel #israel hamas war

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agent-of-sam · 9 months

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So, I was super annoyed with Wheel of Time show after the first three episodes and considered dropping it.

However, I really enjoyed ep 4. So for the moment I'm still in.

I tried to articulate my thoughts and ended up writing a mini-essay. Less because I'm trying to convert anyone for or against and more because I'm the kind of person who likes to waste a lot of time thinking about why I like or dislike things.

Overall, I think my feelings have shifted to positive despite the essay below. I'm going to try and restrain myself from excessive complaining in the future. I retain the right to poke fun though.

(readmore for moderate griping below)

My problems with the show are mostly tonal. I have what might be referred to as a relatively low "drama threshold" and the show kind of blasts right through it.

I know that's a subjective thing. Some people love to sit down for an hour of television and get absolutely clobbered with the Big Feelings stick.

For me I reach a certain limit and then just stop caring. A lot of the show changes annoy me less because they are changes and more because they feel designed specifically to bring things to the point of Maximum Drama as fast as possible and that kind of storytelling has the exact opposite effect for me.

I like my world-building to be clear and consistent and I like for there to be at least a little bit left unspoken in terms of character's feelings, motivations, and relationships.

The show does the opposite where the lore and word-building feels kind of hand-waved and then many, many, minutes of screentime are invested telling you exactly what the characters think and feel at any given moment in laborious detail. Each individual scene might work on it's own but piled up back-to-back they quickly become tiresome.

Episode 4 felt reinvigorating. After 4/8 episodes it felt like the ball was finally starting to roll. The characters are starting to Go Places and Do Things which I think is an important component in what is ultimately a Fantasy Adventure story.

Supposedly the Aiel and the Whitecloaks will be entering the story soon and I'm looking forward to that. I would really like our characters to start encountering some challenges. I feel like the show so far hasn't been challenging the characters, it has been Subjecting Them to Trauma which is different.

Cathartic? Yes, sometimes. But not the be-all-end-all of storytelling.

Note that challenge doesn't necessarily mean action either. One of my absolute favorite scenes from Season 1 was watching Moiraine lie-but-not-lie her way out of a confrontation with the Whitecloaks, and the scene that followed where Egwene confronts her about the seeming contradictions between what she's been told of Aes Sedai and what she's seen after watching Moiraine.

You can learn a lot about characters just by giving them a problem and watching how they solve it. Despite initial resistance to the big jumps in Rand's storyline compared to the books he has been my favorite character to follow so far because, in contrast to S1, it felt like he was one of the few characters with a goal that he was actively pursuing. He wants information from Logain who sends him on a sidequest for a Ghealdan Red. This brings him to a fancy noble party, an environment and group of people Rand has no experience with. His reaction to them gives us a lot of information about Rand, his values, and how he deals with stuff that will probably be important later on.

And, to the shows credit, I think there are shades of solid, individual characterization in a lot of the stories we're seeing. However, the mandatory Backstory Angst upgrades from S1 keep getting in the way. I don't think they ruin the characters. You end up in the same place, generally speaking. It just adds a superficial layer of screaming and crying that you have to push past to understand what's actually happening in the characters head.

Other people clearly feel it adds depth. I find it all a little obnoxious and think the show is better when it dials the volume down a bit.

#wot on prime #wot s2 #wot show critical

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tastydregs · 1 year

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Elon Musk Says He's Suffering "Existential Angst" About AI

Relatable

Suffering a bit of anxiety over what recent breakthroughs in artificial intelligence might mean for humanity? So is Twitter, Tesla, and SpaceX CEO Elon Musk.

"Having a bit of AI existential angst today," the billionaire tweeted over the weekend, just a few hours after starting the day on a much lighter "hope you have a good Sunday" note to followers.

Honestly, in the grand scheme of Musk tweets, this one is a bit more relatable than most. AI broke into the public sphere in a major way towards the end of last year, with OpenAI's ChatGPT chatbot swiftly shaping up to be the fastest-growing app in consumer history. Microsoft and Google, meanwhile, are currently warring over whose AI integration will dominate the future of search — if they can figure out how to make their search chatbots the perfect degree of stupid, that is — while investor cash continues to flow into the field at large.

In other words, it's possible AI may not just be an inflection point of 2023, but of civilization itself. And considering the very real dangers that both AI itself and the ongoing arms race to build it may well pose, existential angst is pretty valid.

We Have History

It's not terribly surprising to see Musk muse about his AI-induced angst, given that he's recently been vocally critical of OpenAI — a company he actually helped to found back in 2015 before vacating the board in 2018 — and its investment daddy Microsoft, taking to Twitter on February 17 to basically call OpenAI a bunch of sell-outs.

"OpenAI was created as an open source (which is why I named it 'Open' AI), non-profit company to serve as a counterweight to Google," Musk tweeted, "but now it has become a closed source, maximum-profit company effectively controlled by Microsoft."

Musk also has historically taken a warning tone when speaking about AI, making it very clear — even quite recently — that he fears it could bring down civilization. (That said, we should note, that the Musk-owned Tesla has some very serious AI-related safety concerns of its own to tackle.)

Even so, Mr. Tweet still thinks that his AI anxieties will be worth it in the long run.

"All things considered with regard to [Artificial General Intelligence (AGI)] existential angst," he continued in the thread, "I would prefer to be alive now to witness AGI than be alive in the past and not."

More on Elon Musk: Elon Musk Takes Aim at Microsoft as Bing AI Goes Off the Rails

The post Elon Musk Says He's Suffering "Existential Angst" About AI appeared first on Futurism.

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husbandohunter · 3 years

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Mermaids exist in stardew, yes? So imagine a mermaid farmer for Zhongli, Kaeya and Diluc it could be in Yandere setting or not. I just wanna know their reaction when they found out and how it’ll effect their relationship. Will it brew angst, love, or both

Part of your world [Genshin x Mermaid!Reader]{Stardew Impact series}

Synopsis: You came from the sea and he takes you through a journey of what it was like to live on land despite your differences.

Genre: Fluff

Characters: Diluc, Kaeya, Childe, Zhongli

"I threw in Childe because I had an idea for him xD It's fluff month so everything is going to be happy from now on >.>"

=============================

{Diluc}

It was a hot summer day when Diluc first found you lying unconscious ashore. You had just swam far and wide from the ocean world, the climate deemed unideal for your case. With no one else around, he took the initiative to help you out of your situation.

He shortly found out by the slight appearances of scales gracing your legs that you were neither a human or someone coming from the town nearby. As legendary as mermaids are, Diluc wanted nothing to do with you. His beginning plan was to find your relatives and send you out of his house (Additional work isn’t welcomed when he has so much already). However, you latched onto him pretty quickly since he was the one who saved you.

Here stands a human, a creature that you always wanted to interact with, in your perspective he may look a little stern but he must have plenty of knowledge to offer based on all the antiques he owns.

The only problem was that you two had no way to communicate. Different worlds meant different languages. Whenever Diluc told you that you couldn’t stay, all you did was tilt your head and whenever you tried expressing what you wanted to say, well, normally bubbles would come out of your mouth since they were an indication for your words.

He gave up on trying to kick you out and simply allowed you to take residence as long as you stayed out of his workaholic life. You would tend to his farm while he was absent on other matters and feeding animals in the barn (a lot to do but a win-win situation now that you were able to discover what it was like to live on land at the same time). Though you were also a handful, most of the time Diluc had to excuse himself from his desk when you thought the rake was some sort of hair brush and he forbade you from using the bulldozer. Quite honestly you caused him a lot of stress. He spent most of his hours teaching you and before he knew, it was already a habit of his.

The only words you knew were three words. If you wanted to eat you would say ‘fish’. If you were thirsty, you would say ‘water’. If it was anything else, you would say ‘Diluc.’

He allows you to take long baths since he knows how hydrated mermaids must stay at all times. Orders a pool to be built in his front yard (at least this way helps him save his costly electricity bills). Diluc also borrows books from the library museum for you to read, anything that you would find interesting, (mostly they were about alphabets and picture-based stories (it felt like he was raising a child).)

Easily gets worried when you step into town with him, he keeps a watchful eye in case you collapse and extra bottles when you need a drink. Most of the time, he had to keep an eye on you since you had the natural instinct to waltz into whatever interested you, such as dancing in annual festivities (which you dragged him along of course). It was how he grew attached to your presence because you truly knew how to appreciate the world around you when he himself was too busy to do so.

Two worlds merged and he was learning how to live in yours too, how you perceive things. Building sandcastles, collecting seashells, listening to the echoes resounding within them. Activities he thought were unnecessary suddenly gained the meaning he had lost long ago. Diluc grew too fast at maximum speed, trying to get as many things done as he could, until he was pulled back by the emotional waves of your kindness and compassion, onto the shore he failed to live on. How ironic reality can be.

{Childe}

Everyone knew how much Childe loved to fish. He sets out at sea every evening to capture a batch of flounders, hopefully stumbling upon a legendary one.

In a way, he did. Just not what he expected. What he pulled out of the waters seemed to be a human-sized fish sitting upon the other residues caught in between. ‘A mermaid…?’ he thought, still digesting the fact in front of him. (No wonder the net felt so heavy).

At the same time he wanted to take you with and sell you for a good price but knew how mad Tonia would get when she found out. So he lets you go free. The thing is, you swam behind his boat and followed him back to land. This was how your relationship with Childe started, to this day he continues to jest upon that memory.

Tonia took most of the responsibility to coach you about human life. One of them was table etiquette, before you ate with only your hands which caused a mess. Childe would laugh hysterically at it until Tonia reminded him, “This is also what happens when you use chopsticks, big brother.”

Teucer invites you to basically anything since you have so much patience. Childe shortly realizes that he was soon going to be replaced as the eldest caretaker and you couldn’t even talk at that time. So it was only fair that he included himself in the circle while interacting with your way of communicating: sign language (Surprisingly, he was naturally good at it. Though his movements are rather exaggerated and...ungraceful).

You were nice enough to accompany him to his fishing tasks and soon enough became your daily activities. Childe takes the lead as you follow him from the side, sometimes he lets go of the steering wheel and allows you to push the boat instead (he kept a note to himself that in your mermaid mode, your strength multiplied by a large number). Other times he felt a little risky and decided to jump in the ocean with you for a swimming session. It worried you immensely but your anxiety subsided when you saw how much fun he was having and for the rest of the time, you both explored what the ocean had to offer.

Childe used to be a fish-cook enthusiast. Not anymore (since that day you cried when glancing at the flounder dish he placed on the table). He had to stick to seaweed or any other plant-based meals with a little bit of meat but too much would cause your stomach to churn. Since his siblings complained at the sudden change, he had to make a separate meal plan for them. With a mermaid in the house was certainly high-maintenance indeed.

Cuddling with you in front of the cracking fire blazing under the chimney was one of the calmest moments indulged himself in. He often chooses the life where the waves crash constantly, anticipating a thrilling storm that comes ahead. But you were just a lull at the sea, the mediator he needed in times where his siblings needed a mother-figure. Sometimes he fears that you would leave him and return to where your true family lives but he was grateful that you chose him above all else. He was grateful that by chance, he captured you at sea. One thing he loved about life was the unpredictability the future brings, including the blessings. Even if you were a creature from far away, in your presence he felt like he was truly at home.

{Kaeya}

When the tides rose above his head, Kaeya was sure that he was done for. The surfboard he recently stood upon slips off beneath his feet and he falls into the ocean’s merciless waves. No oxygen, no time to catch his breath amidst the impact, his eyes were slowly closing and the last thing he saw was the sun’s light beyond the heavy surface, along with the murky visual of someone swimming in front of it.

Although he almost drowned, the idea of being saved by a pretty mermaid makes up for the fact (He has a natural tendency to flirt at anything eye-catching even if you were an outlandish being). You on the other hand was confused by his advances as you couldn’t understand a word he was saying, hence you swam away.

Those beginning days when you chose to explore the land, Kaeya remembers how much trouble you had with walking using your new legs. He had to hold both your hands while leading you forward, he found it rather cute when you tighten your grip the moment you felt that he was going to let go (he was only bluffing of course but you still hissed at him). Still, Kaeya ensures that you don’t fall to the ground, he catches you in time when you collapse while laughing, “You’re doing great sweetheart.”

In return you teach him how to read the ocean’s movements so that he won’t drown again. Kaeya spends more time around the beach since he knows that the water bodies are where you were most comfortable with. He tells you that you always smell like saltwater whenever he buries his face in your hair, perhaps that was how he grew attached to the ocean as well.

In summer seasons there were several days where you had to sleep in his bathtub because the air was so dry. As a mermaid, he had to tolerate many of your unique quirks, in this case he had to deal with showering in cold water since you took up all the electricity. Another case was your wine tolerance, no one could challenge you to a drinking contest when your body could sustain large amounts of liquids. Kaeya sometimes jokes if you could turn him into a merman like those in fairytale books so he can have the same experience. You take it as a joke while he was also being half-serious.

When you have to take a temporary trip home, Kaeya visits the dock every evening and waits for you to come back, trying to see any signs of your colourful tail. He glances at the ocean he grew to love, knowing where he stood is as far as he could go and anywhere beyond the boundary was out of his reach. So many people left him in his life and even though he knew you wouldn’t do the same, he still worries. Uncertain if you would abandon him too.

Your existence became the center of his life the moment you chose to walk upon land with him. Side by side, through small hurdles the seashore and hurdles as big as the wave that almost killed him the day he met you, Kaeya keeps them all as if they were the most precious treasure a pirate could find. It didn’t matter if you were different from everyone else because despite your tail, all he could see was you.

{Zhongli}

While Zhongli strolls along the sandy beach, he follows the alluring sound of your singing voice. You sat upon the rock while humming along what seems to be an old folk tune, similar to what Guizhong once sang. The man folds his arms and closes his eyes. Many years have passed since he last heard something like this, “Your voice, it’s very lovely.”

He was a geologist who worked by the museum, collecting different types of rocks and seashells that would wash up shore. You became very familiar with his daily routine that before he pays a visit to the beach again, a pile of interesting rocks would be waiting for him by the docks. It was a gift. And Zhongli would bring snacks like seaweed soup as an accommodation for your kindness.

Unlike Kaeya, when you couldn’t walk because your legs were too weak to be used, Zhongli helps you with every step along the way even if the trip was a slow one. He even offered to have you carried when he saw you were having too much trouble but you insisted on trying. The whole trip that usually took ten minutes was a three hour walk.

Even though he knew many things, your language was not one of them. However he was willing to learn. Both of you have study sessions regarding each other’s culture. For you it’s the way humans drink with cups because of Zhongli being a tea fanatic himself, he even showed you how to hold a tea cup properly. You taught him how to swim since he had been so occupied on land that swimming never crossed his mind. Thankfully he was naturally good at it due to his tall stature (albeit a little scared when diving into an environment unknown and different to him).

Zhongli loves the way you sing and he would ask every time he wanted to read a book. Either under the tree on a warm spring day or on the couch when it was storming outside. Although he intended to get some reading done, Zhongli can’t help but fall asleep. You didn’t want to wake him up (and you could carry him if you wanted to thanks to your mega-mermaid strength) so by morning, you’d find yourselves in the same spot and your lap feeling numb.

Earth and sea were separated for a reason so that the creatures may stay upon the place where they belong. That wasn’t enough to separate you from him though. Zhongli would travel to the sea to see you and you mustered the courage to walk upon the hard surface of land. The two were only parts of the world but together they are part of the world, connected to form a whole new life.

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thera-daydreams · 3 years

Text

KABILANG BUHAY

× A TRESE ONESHOT ×

[Crispin x Ghost!Reader]

📝 Summary: Your demigod husband remembers you—everything about you—and how much he absolutely loved you. He remembers everything, including the memory that hurt the most.

📌 Warning: Contains fluff, angst, character death, and mentions of violence (because an angry Crispin being the son of a wargod is bound to shed some blood somewhere). Masakit po talaga 'tong songfic na 'to, trust me. If you don't want to get hurt, scroll awaaaay. Pero if you want maximum 1000% ultra heavy pain, then listen to the song below on repeat while reading, too.

Song: Kabilang Buhay by Bandang Lapis

(word count: 5,642)

"Masasayang mga araw na kasama kita."

Warm. Crispin always remembered you to be so warm—every single part of you. The heat of your skin against his whenever he held you, that whimsical sparkle in your eyes whenever you saw the little joys in life, that sprightly curve of your lips whenever you two teased each other, and the radiance he saw from you whenever you were around the people you loved.

In his eyes, there was always a halo around your head or a beam of light following you around. Perhaps he was biased; perhaps he saw you through rose-tinted glasses, but it didn't matter to him. To the demigod, you were everything he ever wanted.

You were the one.

You were also one of the sweetest people he'd ever met. Every morning without a fail, there would always be a hot cup of kape and a plate of pandesal on the table—not only for him, but for everyone else in your little family, too. Alexandra, Hank, and of course, his younger brother Basilio. Even before you became his girlfriend, you'd treated them as your own loved ones.

That was the day he knew you were truly the one for him. The one who he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. The one he wanted to build a home with. The woman he wanted to marry and have children with, if you were okay with it (when that conversation came, you said you would be happy and honored to be his wife).

Crispin said it was the other way around. It was he who was fortunate and honored to be your husband. You'd laughed in response, kissing his cheek. There were no fancy rings or a formal, elaborate proposal involved, but that day—he remembered clearly that you had that conversation on a chilly December 1st, 9:24PM, right before you two went to bed—was an unspoken promise.

You two would be inseparable and together 'til death do you part.

Going back to that coffee and bread, he always wondered how you managed to keep it so fresh (you said it was a secret, but later on you spilled the beans to him after him pestering you). Even if he woke up at noon because of missions with his bossing and his brother, palaging mainit ang kape at pandesal. You must have had some sort of superpower you weren't telling him (you rolled your eyes, telling him that superpower came in the form of a microwave).

"Paglalambing at kulit mo na hindi nakakasawa."

He was by no means clingy or touch-starved, but whenever he was around you, he had the need to at least hold you in any way. Sometimes, it was the usual PDA (Basilio and Maliksi teased him about it, but he didn't care if it meant having some sort of contact with you; Alexandra just let it be because she knew how much you two loved each other). In public, you guys toned it down—settling with holding hands or you just linking your arm through his. If he was driving the car, his hand would either be innocently resting on your thigh or your hand which was on your lap. If you were the one driving the car, then it would be your hand on his thigh or his hand. He loved to draw circles on your skin whenever he was daydreaming or starting to doze off, too.

You as a couple often expressed your love for each other in different ways, and not just by saying it out loud. One thing Crispin adored the most about your relationship was the way you voicelessly said "I love you". If it wasn't clear enough that acts of service was one of your love languages, then he could understand that you loved him back through three taps.

Tap. Tap. Tap.

At first, he had no clue what it meant. You just kept doing it whenever you were near him, on whatever body part you could touch. If he was driving? Tap, tap, tap on his thigh. If he was the one cooking? You'd hug him from behind and then one of your fingers would go tap, tap, tap on his waist. If you were eating together? You'd take his palm then just... tap, tap, tap while chewing on whatever food it was you had in your mouth.

He recalled that afternoon you guys were eating at a simple Japanese place. While you slurped up some of the wheat noodles and the savory soup, you were excitedly doing a little happy dance as you ate—the one you did whenever you ate something you found yummy. Frankly, Crispin found it endearing. He, too, was guzzling down some of the ramen when you reached out for his hand then laid it on the table palm up.

With a mischievous smile and your puffed up cheeks looking like a chipmunk from the noodles you'd gobbled up, you gently tapped his palm with your index finger, that same glint in your eye whenever you did that gesture.

"... Anong ginagawa mo, mahal?" Crispin chuckled, a brow raised. He found it cute but he had no idea what it was supposed to stand for.

"Wala lang," you mysteriously answered in a muffled voice, swallowing.

"You know, you shouldn't talk when your mouth is full," he pointed out, amused. You snorted, gulping.

"Not my fault you asked a question, Crispin," you retorted, shoving in another bite of noodley goodness with your chopsticks. You did a mini-wiggle when the umami flavor exploded on your tongue (the ramen was bussin', bestie). Ratatouille would be impressed!

"But seriously, what does the tap stand for?" your boyfriend wondered. You did it again. Tap, tap, tap.

"Isn't it obvious?" you smiled. He then sweat-dropped.

"Wait, keep smiling," Crispin leaned over the table, removing a tiny bit of the dahon sibuyas stuck on one of your front teeth with his nail. He then popped that finger into his mouth, making you blink at the action.

"Ay, may naiwan pala. Hehehehehe." With how long you two have been dating, you were no longer embarrassed if you did get anything stuck in your teeth and he had to get it out (it's happened in more occasions than you could count). You did the same to him (and trust me, you were way past the stage of getting grossed out from the gross habits couples did). At least you two were a hundred percent comfortable and open to one another, right? Sanaol.

Crispin nodded, going back to eating his noodles, "Okay, back to the topic. What does this—" He tapped your palm the same way you did. "—even mean?"

Your grin just grew wider then you whispered into his ear, "I love you."

"... I love you, too," he answered automatically, still not understanding. "But what do the taps mean? You keep doing it and—"

You did it again on his hand.

"I." Tap.

"Love." Tap.

"You." Tap.

At long last, that look of realization came upon his features, "... Aaaaaaaaah."

You chuckled, all brightness and merriness from your revelation to the man you loved. "Gets mo na, mahal?"

He scratched the back of his head sheepishly, "Oo, mahal. Hehe."

"... Can we order another bowl of ramen? Please?" With those puppy-dog eyes? Crispin could never resist. He'd rip the world apart for you and build it back up from scratch if you wanted him to.

That was how deep his love was for you. Kapag nagmamahal ang isang diyos, walang imposible... 'di ba?

He was already raising a hand to call for a waiter, "Sure. Basta maubos mo."

"... And if half lang maubos ko?"

He sighed, "... Edi ako kakain sa anong maiiwan." What was the saying whenever you found your soulmate? Oh, yes.

True love is getting fat together.

Maybe it was true for both of you.

When you two exited the ramen place, you patted your bloated tummy. "Haaaay, busog na busog si food baby," you sighed in happiness, adjusting the the top of your high-waisted skirt to loosen it up for more space. You elbowed him slightly, wiggling your eyebrows at him and mimicking Kylie Jenner, "Soooo, I'm thirty-four weeks today."

"'Luh, ang drama mo," Crispin snickered, poking your rounded side playfully and making you pout. "Nagdadalang tao ka pala, ha. Ako ang tatay pero hindi mo sinabi sa akin na buntis ka." He wouldn't lie, but thoughts of you being pregnant with a child warmed his entire being. Mini-yous and mini-hims running around.

What a dream.

"Nagdadalang tae lang po, manong," you stuck your tongue out at him, then stopped. He stopped walking, too, looking at you questioningly.

"What? What's wrong?"

"Mahal?" you paused. Gulugulugulugulu. Oh no. Mayday, mayday!

"Did you forget something at the restaurant?" he asked. You shook your head in response, telling him there was an emergency.

"... Mahal, natatae ako."

"Like, now?" You nodded at him with wide, doe-like irises. His eyes crinkled, finding the situation hilarious. "Really? Oh shit. Literally. Is this because we were talking about poop?"

Crispin could only cackle as you rummaged through your bag for some wet wipes (and the situation led to you two running around the mall like psychos looking for the nearest restroom—grabe ang cold sweat mo, sis; it was that type of pooping session).

As he waited outside the women's comfort room, he found himself smiling like a weirdo from your date today. Nagdadalang tae o nagdadalang tao, he wouldn't love you any other way.

"Punong-puno ng ligaya ang ating pagsasama."

He found himself unconsciously doing the tapping to you, as well. Tap. Tap. Tap. He only now realized how many times you've been saying "I love you" everyday. Usually, you'd only verbally say it out loud three times: in the morning waking up, whenever he left for a mission, or the times you went to sleep together (because of the nature of his work, it was uncommon, but if he was at home during the night, he'd make sure to say it to you). But now that he knew what the taps meant, he counted them for one week from Monday to Sunday.

You were sitting on the couch, on your stomach and sprawled vertically over his lap. He was watching a basketball game on television while you were on your phone, scrolling through Facebook. It was all quiet until he tapped his finger thrice on your calf. You beamed, rolling over to face him then gently tapping his cheek three times—not with your fingers, but with your hands, smooshing his cheeks then pecking his lips.

"Fwifee-hweif," he said. You tilted your head at him, letting go of his cheeks.

"What was that?" you curiously inquired.

"Fifty-eight," Crispin gave you his signature flirty grin. "You tapped me one hundred seventy-four times today. And one hundred seventy-four divided by three—because I love you has three syllables—is equal to fifty-eight." His affectionate gaze to you softened. "Mahal, you've told me I love you fifty-eight times today."

You just hugged him and hid your face in his neck, "I love you, too, manooooong."

"... Wanna watch a K-drama tonight?" he said, his voice rumbling through his chest as you laid your head on it.

"Mmhmm."

You guys ended up binging Scarlet Heart Ryeo and bawling your eyes out (Crispin cried louder than you, actually, and the box of tissues was passed back n' forth between you two).

"Punyeta, walang Season Two?" Crispin cursed, blowing his nose.

You hiccupped, shaking your head and scrolling through the categories, "W-Wala e-eh, m-mahal."

"Seryoso ka ba?" he gaped, wiping his tears after wiping yours. "That's how it ends?"

You nodded, sniffling, "Uh-huh."

The next morning, when all of you gathered in the kitchen for breakfast, Alexandra and the others could only stare, nagtataka kung bakit namamaga ang mga mata niyo (yeah, they were swollen as hell).

"... Anyare sa inyo?" Alexandra quizzed. Hank, while pouring everyone some juice, had a worried look on his face, too.

"Nag-away ba kayong dalawa, Kuya?" Basilio questioned. You both shook your head simultaneously.

"Hindi," Crispin shortly answered, exhausted from crying with you all night.

"Nanood lang kami ng K-drama," you supplied, as worn out as your boyfriend was.

"Aaaaaaah."

"Na parang wala nang sisira ng lahat."

The date always held some significance to him, not only because it meant only a few days before Christmas but also because it was the day you promised to one another that you'd be endgame.

December 1st.

It would repeat in his head over and over again until the day he died.

The two of you were lying in bed, the cold night air entering through the open windows. You were leaning on his chest in-between his lap, reading The Count of Monte Cristo. He noticed that your expression often shifted between being giddy to being angry or smug at what was happening to the main character.

"... Mahal?"

"Yeah?" you responded, not taking your eyes off the novel. You flipped another page.

"What kind of ring do you want? Para alam ko kung magkano ang iiponin ko?" he quietly asked, his thumb caressing your temple. Normally, men wanted this to be a surprise or didn't talk about this but he only wanted you to have something you'd cherish for the rest of your life. You tilted your head back to look up at him. "Do you want those with the big gems or the smaller and simpler ones?"

You gazed back at your novel, then sat up and closed it, turning to look at him. "Crispin." You took his hands in your own (he tapped it thrice, making a teeny smile creep up your lips). "Hindi ko kailangan ng singsing."

His eyes grew wide, "... Are you sure? You don't want to be formally married?"

You frantically shook your head, "Nooooooo, noooo! That's not what I meant, dummy. I just wanted to tell you that I don't need an expensive ring to be yours." You kissed him. "And to be your wife."

"Pero—"

"Mahal, if we ever do have kids, mahal ang gatas, diaper, at tuition," you childishly told him. "Kung magpapakasal tayo, I don't need a huge proposal or a big wedding. Let's put the funds away for a house and for the future, 'mkay?"

"... But you won't have a ring," he sulked.

Getting an idea, you hopped off the bed and open your cabinet, finding a piece of durable string on one of your shirts. With a strong tug, it came off. You walked back towards your boyfriend, flopping back down then looping it on your left ring finger. You held your hand up to him, "There. I have a ring now, see?"

Crispin had never ever loved anyone as much as he did right now. There was a nagging feeling at the back of his head, though. "... I feel like I've seen this in a movie before, mahal."

"Duuuuh. I got the idea from the Count of Monte Cristo. Mercedes promises herself to Dantes with a string ring! Sorry nalang if copyright infringement ang ginawa ko, hihi." You showed him the book you were reading, the smile not disappearing from your face. Feeling ecstatic, he kissed you passionately right on the spot.

"Ipapangako mo sa akin na magsasama tayo nang walang hanggan?" Crispin whispered against your lips. "Magpakailanman?"

You kissed him, rolling your eyes, "Oo na, Crispin. Corny mo talaga, manong. Such a hopeless romantic, like me!" Another kiss. "I'll stay with you forever and ever and eveeeeeer and grow old with you. We'll get that rest house in the mountains, travel the world together, win the lotto, and do anything we want!" you declared determinedly.

"Promise? Talaga?"

You grinned, wriggling your little finger, "Pinky promise."

He linked his pinky with yours, "Okay. Pinky promise, wifey."

"Okaaaaay, hubby," you quipped, settling down and snuggling into him.

9:24PM, he saw the digital clock display before he pulled the covers over you both, keeping you warm and safe in his arms.

"Bakit pa dumating ang oras na ito?"

"Mahaaaaal, pauwi na ako. Huwag kang mag-alala," you quietly told Crispin over the phone. He was on another investigation, but while their bossing was speaking to Captain Guerrero and Lieutenant Tapia about the case, he used the spare time he had to check up on you.

You had been buying groceries, but knowing you, Crispin had a feeling you had gone to do some other errands.

"Pauwi ka na? Meaning, you're driving home?" He sighed, "And why are you whispering?"

"... Ehehehe," you nervously giggled.

"Anong ehehehehe?" the demigod asked you, suspicious. "Mahal, saan ka na ba talaga?"

"Nasa banko pa ako. Oopsies," you admitted shamelessly. "But I just finished paying the bills. I'm actually walking away from the counter now and—"

You suddenly stopped talking. For a second, the son of the wargod thought that the signal had gone bad.

"Mahal?"

Your voice had gone distant, but it seemed like it was talking to someone else. He strained to hear what you were saying.

"Hey, hey... shhhh, little one, huwag kang umiyak," he heard you say. Your voice seemed so far away. You seemed like you were trying to shush a person. A kid.

"I want my mom!" a child wailed.

"... Langga, come here. At huwag kang masyadong maingay." If it weren't for his heritage as a god, he would have barely been able to hear what you said.

Were you comforting a kid? Awww. He was about to just end the call then text you instead when another much louder and crueler voice could be heard over the phone. No, there wasn't only one voice. There were more.

"Mamatay kayong lahat! Balang araw, hindi na mga tao ang mamumuno sa mundong ito!"

Then there was a sound that was unmistakably a gunshot.

"Nabalitaan ko na wala ka na."

Bang!

His blood went cold. Almost every day he handled firearms in his line of work, so of course he knew what it sounded like. The shrieks and terrified shouts came after the gunshots.

Bang! Bang! Bang!

The last thing he heard were more gunshots, then the call ending.

He had never sprinted to Alexandra so fast before, frantically begging her to let him use the Dragon's Gate to teleport to wherever you were, even if it made him physically sick and nauseous.

Crispin didn't give a damn what happened to him, as long as nothing happened to you.

"Hindi ba't sabi mo hindi mo ko iiwan?"

It all happened so fast. One moment he was silently praying to Bathala for your safety while looking for you in the chaos. The next? He was scouring through the overwhelmed emergency room of the nearest hospital, where it was flooded with victims from the mall shooting.

It was a mess, with bleeding patients on the floor as nurses tried to assist. Others were seated on monobloc chairs that had been quickly put on the corridors. There was an overwhelming number of patients taken to the hospital either through ambulances or police cars themselves. It already began to stink of death, and Crispin hated it. His bloodlust as a wargod was creeping up his veins from the stench and his inner fury, but he held it in. He needed to find you first.

Behind him, Alexandra and Basilio were searching for you, too. When he told them what happened, they didn't hesitate to help and be transported to the mall as quick as possible. Captain Guerrero had already dispatched units after hearing what occurred (there was also an alarm that had blared in the station—a bank employee must have pressed an emergency button or something).

Surprisingly, in the midst of the havoc happening inside the hospital, he found himself walking towards the Trauma Bay of the hospital like a magnet. He had no idea where he was going, but he just kept going, and he stopped by a less crowded hallway. If he just went straight forward, he would be entering an operating room.

"Excuse me, coming through! Make some way!" It was a doctor who yelled from behind him. He turned around.

"Hindi papabayaan na ako'y mag-isa."

And as if time went by slower, he found you on a stretcher, being wheeled through the corridor as a nurse was on the bed with you, performing CPR. He saw the amount of blood gushing out of the bullet wounds on your body; one on your back, another on your stomach, and a third on your thigh.

Crispin couldn't help but run after them, asking one of the health professionals what was happening to you, "Nurse! Nurse, is she going to be okay!?"

"Are you her family?" they quickly interrogated. Alexandra and Basilio rounded the corner right as the nurse asked him that. Both held their breaths when they saw the tormenting state you were in, unconscious and on the brink of death.

The eldest demigod frenziedly nodded, "Yes, yes! I'm family!" He glanced at your bleeding form, and his heart clenched seeing the string ring on your finger, a bit of blood splattered over it. "I'm... I'm her husband! Asawa ko siya!"

You weren't formally or legally married yet, but to his eyes (and many of the others who knew you both), you were practically husband and wife.

"Good," the nurse said as they rushed you into the O.R., stopping Crispin from entering any further. "Sir, we need you to tell us your wife's name and her health details, please. She has to be operated on as soon as possible. We need her age, blood type, her comorbidities or allergies, if any..."

Crispin knew them all. He'd memorized them. And he told the nurses everything they needed for the operation. As long as it saved you, he'd say anything. Do anything.

"Hindi ba't sabi mo sabay tayong tatanda?"

It was a grueling operation, he could tell. Crispin had been pacing continuously in the waiting room, not even daring to sit from how anxious he was about you. Hank had come instantly to the hospital after hearing, and now there were three seated and extremely worried people watching him panic outside the operating room.

"God, please let her be okay," he continued to mumble to himself, fiddling with his fingers. "Please, please, please..."

"Kuya, umupo ka muna," Basilio tried to convince his brother.

"Oo nga," Hank frowned.

"You've been standing for five hours," Alexandra gave him a saddened look. "You should rest."

The older demigod shook his head, "I can't, bossing. Hindi pwede. Not until I know that she's okay."

As if on cue, the head surgeon came out of the operating room. Crispin nearly jolted and would have grabbed the man's collar had it not been for Alex and his brother holding him back, calming him down. No one could tell what he was about to say until he removed his surgical mask.

The four occupants waited for his response, antsy. The tension in the room was so thick it could be cut with a knife.

"Doc? Is she okay? Is she gonna be alright?" Crispin asked, troubled out of his mind. Alex's grip on his arm tightened, and so did Basilio's hold on his shoulder. "Doc, please say somethi—"

"... I'm sorry," the surgeon shook his head, a somber look on his face.

It was like the universe stopped for the demigod. The two people holding him were the only ones to support him when his knees buckled.

"We did everything we could. She lost too much blood, and the bullets hit too many vital organs," the doctor explained forlornly. "We performed CPR and a cardiac massage on her for thirty minutes, but she did not make it through the rest of the operation."

The words just echoed emptily through Crispin's ears.

"Bakit bigla ka na lang nandiyan sa kabilang buhay?"

When he entered the morgue alone, he didn't know why but he was expecting you to be sitting up and smiling, almost hearing your teasing voice telling him it was all a cruel prank. At first, that was what he saw. He saw the love of his life, soft skin flushed and curled up lips filled with so much love directed at him. He saw you radiant—glowing; that familiar twinkle in your magnificent eyes. He reached out to hold your left hand, awaiting its warmth.

Awaiting the three taps.

The taps that would tell him "I love you" and "I'm okay".

Crispin even waited a minute. Maybe you were still there, hanging on. Maybe... just maybe... you were fighting.

"Mahal?" he croaked out, squeezing your hand.

"Paano na ang lahat? Paano na ako, tayo?"

Those three taps never came. One minute. Five minutes. Ten minutes.

Only then did he really see you. The illusion all came crashing down.

Now your skin was so cold. So lifeless. So... opposite from what you were when you were alive. You were pale. Your lips were tinted blue. You were so still. So deathly still. Not one movement.

It freaked him out.

He couldn't believe it was you on that metal table—it didn't look like you. Where was the halo he always saw around your head? Where was that beam of light following you around?

His rose-tinted glasses suddenly became grey and dull. Taking your left hand, Crispin felt his heart shatter even more when his hand brushed the string ring on your finger. They had cleaned you up and made sure there was no blood left on your body, but nothing could remove those tiny, miniscule splatters that stained the string.

Remnants of what happened today.

You never did remove it. Even when showering or swimming or washing the dishes, you'd joked to him.

"See? 'Di ko nga kailangan ng singsing. Mas maganda pa nga 'to, eh. I can wear it all the time! Matibay pa!"

Crispin could nearly hear you, but it was all just a memory in his mind. God, he didn't want to forget your voice. Your laughter. Your cries. You whispering to him how much you loved him. He couldn't. He wouldn't be able to forgive himself if he did.

Both of you didn't even get to say "I love you" one last time. But reality was harsh, and this wasn't a movie where the leading characters could have a lengthy monologue confessing to each other as the dramatic scene was drawn out from seconds into minutes.

There were no camera angles, no music, no time left, and no happy endings. Everything was raw. Real.

"Hindi ba't sinabi mo sa akin na sabay tayong mangangarap?"

"Mahal," his voice trembled as he held your icy hand to his lips, kissing it. "Huwag mo akong iwan. What about us? Our dreams? Andami pa nating pangarap, 'di ba? Mga gustong gawin?"

No response.

"Tatatanda pa tayo, 'di ba? Bibili pa tayo ng bahay na nasa bundok... then we'll travel the world together, right? We've... We've saved up half of the funds! You... You can't leave now..."

Silence.

Crispin felt tears dripping down his face. He hadn't noticed he was crying. Only with you could he be a sniveling mess—around the others, he always had to be the kuya. The responsible one. The oldest one. The loyal bodyguard.

With you? He could be anything and you would never judge him.

Even when you were dead, he was still a sniveling mess in your arms.

"Sabi mo gusto mong manalo sa lotto," he choked out, cupping your cheeks. It was so strange to him; how colorless they were compared to how... spirited you were in life. "I'll do that... I'll make that happen. Just please... please come back to me. Gagawin ko ang lahat... bumalik ka sa akin, mahal. Mahal..."

Crispin told himself nothing was impossible when a god loved someone, yet now all this god could do was be paralyzed by his despair.

"Bakit bigla kang lumisan nang hindi man lang nagpaalam?"

They say there are five stages of grief. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. People don't talk enough about how they weren't actually stages. They were just five emotions and there was no particular order they came in. They would come and go, and that was how dealing with loss really was.

Today, as he was cradling his departed soulmate and the only woman he knew he'd ever love this much—reduced to tears while nursing his broken heart—he was feeling denial, bargaining, and depression all at once.

Only then did he allow himself to feel anger—just pure, unadulterated fury—when Alexandra let him and his brother unleash their bloodlust to the guilty aswang clan that had been the culprits of the mall shooting. The bank robbery.

He had his vengeance.

The son of the wargod nearly became a god of war that night, coming home soaked in the same crimson that dripped off his guns. He swore to himself he'd rip the world apart for you and build it back from scratch. Thus, Crispin was merciless to those who murdered you and all those other innocent humans.

He took his time watching the life dissipate out of their eyes, especially since he didn't see yours before you died. They were already closed when he got to the hospital too late.

Denial, anger, bargaining, and depression. He'd felt all that as time passed, on and off.

Acceptance? That last stage? That last emotion? Crispin never did really get to that point. Perhaps he would. Perhaps he wouldn't. Only more time would tell.

"Isang malamig na hangin ang yumakap sa akin."

The demigod sat under the tree that shaded your gravestone, a bouquet of white and red roses beside him while he relaxed on the grass. It was a classic symbol of true and everlasting love. That was the vow you'd made to one another, right?

December 1st.

It had been one year since your death. Wasn't it funny how the fates worked? Two years ago, on this very day, you two promised each other that you'd be together forever. He said that this day would be memorable to him until the day he died because technically, it was your engagement slash informal wedding anniversary.

Then one year ago, you had been shot trying to protect a child from those armed aswang. You saved the kid, alright. Crispin even made sure that the little boy, one of the lucky survivors of the shooting, wouldn't be targeted by the aswang. He ensured your sacrifice wouldn't be in vain. But what was supposed to be a marriage anniversary turned into your death anniversary.

December 1st.

The day would indeed be eternally ingrained into his mind.

But now, he could only dwell on nostalgia as he crouched and cleaned your gravestone, polishing it after removing all the grass and dirt. Engraved on it were the words beloved friend, sister, and wife.

Wife.

He really should have married you before you were declared dead. It didn't matter now; you would always be his wife, even in death.

On the left side of your gravestone was his mother's tombstone. He did the same, cleaning it and polishing it. When he was done, he tapped your gravestone thrice, "Una na ako, mahal. Paalam din, Ma. Baka hanapin pa ako ni bossing."

Tap. Tap. Tap.

He jerked, swerving around and standing up. He swore someone just touched his shoulder and—

Whoosh!

"Parang isang pahiwatig na magpapaalam ka na."

A gentle breeze came from behind him, where the tree was. Once more, he turned around.

Crispin didn't know what to do.

He thought he was dreaming, but he wasn't. He knew he wasn't. Not with the way your hand rested on his cheek. Not with how warm you felt.

Despite seeming almost transparent, you looked absolutely radiant, more so than when you were in life. If he was biased before about you having a halo and a beam of light following you around, now he wasn't (because you really did have a golden circle on your head and a candescent glow behind you).

You didn't speak, but again, you tapped your index finger thrice on his cheek. He was too stunned to react to the featherlight touch you had. It was almost nothing, but it was there. A ghostly tap, tap, tap.

"... Mahal?" he whispered.

You joyfully beamed at him (God, did you look divine), then planted a fragile kiss on his lips. You settled down on the roots of the tree and patted the patch of grass beside it. He sat down slowly. When he did, he removed his black gloves while you intertwined your hand with his.

On his left ring finger was a string ring made from that old shirt of yours. The same one you improvised your string ring from. It was how Crispin always remembered you and how he brought your memory everywhere with him.

Tap. Tap. Tap.

The triple tapping. Perhaps it was your way of wordlessly saying you loved him while simultaneously bidding him goodbye as a ghost. He didn't know. You couldn't speak (or he couldn't hear you), so you did what you could.

Tap. Tap. Tap.

Just that gesture every once in a while as you quietly listened to him tell you about his day.

When he had to leave, he saw you there by the tree, sitting and waving at him. The next time he came to visit, you were there. Always there, waiting.

And when you weren't, after a couple of decades, Crispin knew that it was time for him to let you go.

To let himself move on.

But that didn't mean he stopped hurting or stopped loving you. He could never stop loving you. Never.

Kahit kailangan ka niyang bitawan upang makapagpatuloy ka sa kabilang buhay, habangbuhay kang minahal ng isang diyos ng digmaan.

× AUTHOR'S NOTE ×

Nasa mood kasi akong manakit ng tao (because ngayon ko lang pinanood ang mga pelikula ni Rico Yan & Claudine Barretto after his death; ang pait eh, right person but wrong time). Medyo sadista pala ako, haha. Ayun, pati ako umiiyak habang nagsusulat nito. Even when I was showering, I was still crying and blowing my nose out. Sana nagustuhan niyo kasi pati author niyo nasaktan sa ginawa niya. 🥲😅

And that tapping gesture was inspired by a random Reddit post I saw years ago. As someone whose love language ain't saying stuff out loud, that just really called out to me. Acts of service kasi akin, eh.

Anyways, I finished writing this at like, 12AM. I'll just edit the typos and errors tomorrow because I want to get this oneshot off my chest. Goodnight! 😂💤

Comments and constructive criticism are welcome! Likes and reblogs are very much appreciated, too! (Yes, you may also rant at me for this.) 💙

TAGLIST: @belladaises @binibiningbabaylan @4kodzuk3n @sparklingmallow @severuslovebot @holyshxtangel @marinac15 @space-flamingo @pippethealien @kashasenpai @disappointmentpastry @hornehlittleweeblet2 @seijohoe @monimiin @ibelievein2dmensupremacy @tinybonksharkcop @hannalogies @banisuoh @genshin-idiot @lemonnie-kimmie @haliya-mori

#trese #trese 2021 #trese netflix #crispin #crispin x reader #trese fic #x reader #trese x reader #thera.writes

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elsanna-shenanigans · 2 years

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February Fanfiction Contest

Welcome to 2022! (yes, we are well aware we’ve been in 2022 for a month now, but this is the first contest of the year)

We enter the fifth year of the monthly contests hoping for even more than we managed to do last year (for those curious: 122 stories across the 6 main prompts, over 400k words altogether!), and to keep the contest running for one more year. No, scratch that, 5 more years-- no, 10 more years! 20! Hell, screw it, we hope the contests will never end.

And with this we segue into this month’s prompt:

Prompt: Never. Give our girls the best vacation of their life that they’ll remember forever, have them experience something they’ve not had the chance to so far in their life, build your story about those words they didn’t get to share... whichever path you choose, make sure it’s something we (the readers) will never forget! Words: min. 2000 and max. 6000 Lemon: up to M rating (we cannot allow for E because of tumblr) Obligatory: no use of borrowed universe setting unless topical (explained below) Bonus: include a view of a mountain; include the words forever and never in one person’s dialogue lines; have the title be a song title/lyric (explained below)

Please also tag your story (if it has any of it) for: angst, tragedy, major character death, violence or abuse (any type of intentional abuse between Elsa and Anna NOT ALLOWED!), su1cide mentions, horror elements or anything not mentioned here that you think might make your readers uncomfortable (the mods reserve the right to add any extra tags we think are necessary for reader safety and enjoyment). Non-/dub-con is NOT ALLOWED, unless it is an important part of the story (i.e. the story does not work without it) and not described in detail/used as cheap thrills/glorified. Be mindful and respectful, and of course tag it properly!

OBLIGATORY restriction: no use of borrowed universe setting. Borrowed universe here refers to, for example, Lord of the Rings AU, Mortal Instruments AU, Pokemon AU etc. - basically any alternative universe which you would usually denote by [Insert Name] AU, where the name refers to another work of fiction. This does NOT apply to broader/more generic alternative universes like modern AU, college AU, medieval AU, fantasy AU (where you do your own world-building instead of relying on a pre-existing fantasy setting) etc., only to settings which require knowledge of another work/franchise. This restriction applies to setting only, which means you can still use characters from different works in your canon, modern, medieval etc. setting as your minor characters (looking at you, lovers of inserting other Disney characters in your story!. Obligatory restriction means that if your story is set in a borrowed universe it will be disqualified. Caveat: you CAN use a setting relevant to the prompt - that’s to say if the setting name contains the word ‘never’, like for example the Neverending Story universe.

DISQUALIFICATION means your story will still be posted (unless it breaks our general contest rules) but will not be eligible to win.

Bonus restriction 1: Mountain. Include a description of a mountain view - can be in passing from a car, from a window in a house, top-down from the top of the mountain etc., but it has to evoke a visual image (so just walking on the mountain without a proper description will not do!). You can put a little fish on top for a bonus-bonus point (has no weight in the voting and will just make some of us happy)

Bonus restriction 2: Dialogue. Include the words ‘forever’ and ‘never’ at least once each in dialogue lines of one character of your choice (other characters can use these words as well, but at least one character needs to use both.)

Bonus restriction 3: Sing-song title. Title your story using a song of your choice - you can go with the song’s title or the lyrics. If you go with the lyrics, your title needs to be minimum 3 and maximum 6 words long.

Please note at the beginning of your story how and where you decided to use the bonuses AND which song you decided to use for the title (with artist). Your note will be removed before the story is posted EXCEPT for the song bit.

These are not obligatory restrictions, however following them will be rewarded with an additional point in the favorites column for every bonus. In other words, stories that don’t include any of the restrictions will start off with 0 base favorite votes, those that do - with 1, 2 or 3.

Read the contest rules (link in the pinned post on the blog) before participating. We’ll be accepting submissions through the submit button on our blog starting today till midnight (Baker Island) of February 28th.

Please remember to submit anonymously to make sure the voting is impartial! If you have any questions, send us an ask or join us on discord (link in the pinned post on our blog).

Good luck, have fun, let’s have a contest like never before!

#elsanna #february 2022 contest #prompt: never

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jodibodie · 3 years

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I Have Some Feelings

To start let me just emphasize how much I love and adore this show and always will. This was my covid show. Both of my kids loved “Lucifer” and always said I should watch so at the start of covid I binged it and when I say binged, I mean all 4 seasons in a few days and have rewatched so many times I’ve lost count. I think it is timeless, engrossing, original and all around amazing. The writing and the cast were all excellent. The writing was smart and consistently strong and that is so rare. Funny, sad, poignant, it hit all the notes with very few plot holes or missteps. There is not one episode in the entire series that was not engaging. Even if I didn’t like an episode, it was still well done. What a rarity.

The cast is scary good. Completely underrated. Just all phenomenally talented. I don’t remember the last time a cast was this strong. From the core group to both reoccurring and guest stars, the cast was just fantastic.

Tom Ellis, no words. The man deserves to choose whatever he wants to do acting wise. He should have people breaking down his door. He can truly do it all and do it all well. He took a character that if portrayed by a lesser actor could have come off as a complete asshole and made him one of the most sympathetic and loveable characters in recent history. Ellis made a crime solving devil, a promiscuous man-child that occasionally breaks into song and the evidence room into a beloved character that has become an icon.

Lauren German, WOW. She is just so damn good. She can break your heart one second and have you laughing the next. She makes Chloe real, and people don’t realize how hard that is. Chloe is smart, kind, tough and gorgeous but she’s also an insecure dork. She’s us and German just brings it.

DB Woodside I’ve loved since “Buffy”. He is a phenomenal actor and who knew he could bring the laughs so well? His expressions were classic. Clueless angel indeed. Amenadiel could have been very one-dimensional but because of Woodside’s talent he became fully fleshed out and full bodied.

I have no doubt Lesley-Ann Brandt has a huge career in front of her. She took a character that very well could have been hated, a demon and made her into one of the most human characters on the show. Kudos to her for taking a tough role and making it her own.

Kevin Alejandro is another actor I’ve loved for a long time. He also took a character who if we’re going to be honest here did so many unlikeable things that he should have been truly despised but because of Kevin’s portrayal he was beloved. Great actor and a terrific director.

Rachael Harris IMO is the downlow MVP. She was literally the rock and again, with a lesser actress the role could have been a throwaway. The normal human, the sounding board but Harris imbued her with so much more. Her spit takes, sarcasm and her obvious compassion was what made Dr. Linda an unforgettable character. Once again just perfect casting.

Aimee Garcia was a great addition. She made Ella a fan fav and put so much heart, joy and sincerity into Ella never once did you doubt that she would prevail no matter what was thrown at her. Garcia was just fantastic, and I want her skin care regime.

Scarlett Estevez pulled off the one thing I thought almost impossible. She took the role of a young child and made it so I didn’t want to cringe. She portrayed Trixie so beautifully from day one that she was a true pleasure to watch. Even though Trixie was super precocious Estevez never made her obnoxious. I loved Trixie and I have never said that about any child character in an adult show. She was wonderful and has an amazing career in front of her.

That said, I’ve got some feelings now that I’ve seen the finale and have had some time to digest it all. I love that Chloe and Lucifer had eternity and I agree that they had to be separated for Chloe’s lifetime. Didn’t like it but it’s the logical path. She’s human, he’s not. The ageing thing alone necessitated them not being together long term on earth and that’s just to start the list. They had to had to be apart for the short term to get their eternity but the duality of Lucifer's ending and Amenadiel's didn't sit right. Amenadiel as God got to have it all. His calling, his family etc. while Lucifer had to give up everything. I also don’t buy the “If he came up from hell, he could never leave them again” defense. I call bullshit. Amenadiel managed, plus, missing out on the day to day is a huge sacrifice and by Lucifer missing out on the day-to-day Rory could still have had the hatred she needed to drive the story. Popping in for birthdays, graduations, weddings, etc., the big stuff does not a father make. Not being there for skinned knees, first heartbreaks, and all the little things a daughter needs her dad for can build up tons of resentment. Boom, absentee father, just like his dad was. That provides all the millennial angel angst you could ask for. I have a daughter; it doesn’t take much.

The Trixie issue was huge for me. Can Chloe see her in Heaven? Will she be able to travel to Heaven and visit Trixie, Penelope, Dan, her father? Chloe hesitated leaving Heaven in 5x16 because she couldn’t bear saying good-bye to her dad again. It seems as if Chloe sacrificed everything for Rory including Trixie. I want to preface this by saying. I liked Rory and loved the actress. I didn’t however like how it was as if she were their only child. When Lucifer spoke of family Trixie was not mentioned. Their family day, the same thing. She didn’t need to be there, I get that the explanation regarding Rory would have been way too much to get into but just a mention of her, how awesome it would have been to share this day with her would have worked. It seemed as if Lucifer went from, “I would do anything to protect that little Urchin” to “Trixie who”. Trixie was a character that we watched grow up and she meant something to us. I hate to say this, but the writers did Trixie and the viewers dirty in this regard.

This show was built around a few premises. Free will, honesty, redemption, sacrifice and family, both blood and made. The ending completely negated almost all of these. Chloe and their entire family were made into the one thing Lucifer abhorred the most which are liars. Their daughter was brought up surrounded by lies. What did they tell Trixie? The poor kid just lost her dad, and she was pissed at Lucifer when he went back to hell the first time. Did she grow up hating him because as far as she knew Lucifer left her mom again without saying good-bye and this time it was even worse because Chloe was pregnant. I get that the actress who plays Trixie had limited availability but seriously. A quick good-bye.

“Hey Urchin, you won’t understand why for a long time, but I have to leave. You know I never lie so I can’t explain why but know that I love you and your mom and one day I hope you can forgive me.”

A 30 second scene would have worked.

As all the characters learned throughout the series, omission of the truth is just a form of lying and there are always repercussions i.e., Chloe and Father Kinley, Dan shooting Lucifer, Maze finding out about Lilith and even Ella not being told. As far as free will, both Chloe and Lucifer had their free will taken from them in the end. By Rory forcing them to abide by her wishes, their free will was forfeited. It was a huge manipulation on Rory’s part and considering how much Lucifer hated manipulations it just didn’t sit right.

Parents making huge sacrifices I get. Chloe and Lucifer sacrificed everything for their child. Unfortunately for me this sacrifice, the way it was written seemed contrived to pull out maximum and IMO unjustified angst. I love angst. Hell, this is my favorite show. I thrive on the angst. But as I wrote earlier, all the anger, angst and hatred towards Lucifer could have been achieved without having Lucifer completely out of the picture. I have two kids and my husband, and I have made huge life altering sacrifices for them as many parents do but being there for the day-to-day little things was what made the difference in their lives and cemented the close relationships we have with them.

“Yeah, dad you were great. Showing up for the fun stuff, always swooping in for the big finish to play the hero then ditching us when things got tough. When Grandma was dying where were you? Nice that you showed up for the funeral but the six months leading up to it…we needed you and once again you weren’t there. When T got sick, when Jen broke my heart, blah, blah, blah…”

Even the whole Chloe dying scenario. They could have written it that rage Rory traveled minutes before Lucifer got there. Have him pop in right after Rory comes back. There were so many ways to achieve the end game they wanted other than the way they went. It seemed contrived and as if they took the easy way out to get where they needed to go. The Rory rage that was the catalyst for her traveling back in time and Lucifer finding his calling could still have been accomplished without the whole Lucifer disappearing storyline.

Now that I’ve finished my diatribe there’s a couple of additional things I would like to say. Lucifer is and always will be one of my favorite shows of all time. There are not enough words to describe the comfort and enjoyment this show has brought me. Thank you, thank you, thank you to the producers, cast and crew. You truly created something special.

To the fandom. Please do not let a polarizing conclusion rip apart the fandom. The only other fandom I was a part of tore itself apart so badly that the FBI got involved. Hence why I waited for 15 years to dip my toe in again. Everyone invested in this show has the right to their feelings. Debate is fine, baiting and bullying are not. The Lucifer fandom like the show is very special. Without the fandom we wouldn’t have gotten any conclusion so don’t let opposing viewpoints tarnish what has been a magical journey.

#lucifer #season6 #spoilers #lucifer spoilers #lucifer season6 spoilers #lucifer morningstar #chloe decker #trixie espinoza #rory morningstar #luciferseason6 #tom ellis #lauren german #db woodside #lesley-ann brandt #rachael harris #kevin alejandro #scarlett estevez #brianna hildebrand

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bangtanpromptsfics · 3 years

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aconite.

dialogue prompt #4: “You're a nightmare”

pairing: jungkook x reader

genre: e2l, fluff, light angst

word count: 1,070

warnings: none

summary: apparently getting stuck in an elevator with your mortal enemy is not the best situation to be in, especially when you love him.

a/n: inspired from jungkook’s red gym hoodie + sweatpants look!! not really descriptive enough I guess. drop your opinion!!!

masterlist

“You're a nightmare”

“Well you started it! ”, you snort, trying to press buttons of the elevator furiously, but that's dumb though when you know you're in the middle of some black out which has been going on for the past couple of hours.

Jungkook is stuck with you too, which is a mixture of emotions because you hated him but more like hated yourself that you love him.

“Argh!”, you give up and sigh, sliding down the walls dramatically.

Earlier this day you were heading home from the university library and since Jungkook’s daily routine would be incomplete unless you swear to kill him with bare hands, it started off as a petty fight as always, like grabbing hold of one of your reference books and shoving them in a high place so that your relatively short height could struggle. And then it would go on in loops until you have to hide in an elevator to escape only to find him tagging along.

“Just give up Y/n, you're stuck with me”. The only light source in the elevator is the flashlight from Jungkook’s phone, and half of his face is hidden in the dark, but you can say he was smirking and enjoying way more than he expected.

The news constantly said something about a storm last week, and now it's here, blowing off electricity.

“This wouldn't have happened if you stopped annoying me. I took the elevator because of you!”. You sounded like the most offended human being, but your heart says otherwise.

“Hey don't put this all on me!”, he playfully punches your arm and you return with greater force. His arms though are well articulated to even feel anything.

The more you realise that you're completely alone with Jungkook in a private space, you try to calm down your hormones. No one is allowed to look this good in red sweatshirt and sweatpants. He was on his way to gym, but apparently lost track of himself around you.

Jungkook takes out a hand gripper from his bag to keep his hands engaged, and you definitely not miss the way his arms strain against the cozy material.

“Fuck it's getting hot in here”, you mumble, trying to pull up your full sleeve and wafting air with your hands. This though you said is a truth, the closed space was suffocating and mid-June is always a pain in the ass.

“Is that so babe?”. Fuck.

You eye him in disgust, “What do you want Jungkook?”

“Just want to see you flustered”, he replies.

And out of nowhere now it's a staring contest. You don't protest and instead try to hold the same face of disapprovement. That doesn't last when Jungkook slowly leans closer to your face, way adamant to his goal.

He discards the equipment to place a hand close to your thigh on the ground.

“Look at you, all wrapped around my finger, isn't that so babe?”

You shut your eyes. “Stop calling me that”.

You feel his deft fingers grazing past the side of your face, his chuckle is deep and echoing inside the lift and you know there's no intention besides to tease you. Even though you express immense anger for him through words, none of them are the same in your actions. He expects you to push him away and throw a water bottle at his face. But he smiles seeing you lean into the touch.

“Y/n...open your eyes”.

He understands now why you closed them. They are tear filled and glossy; begging him, afraid. He can't quite understand.

“J-Jungkook I-”

“Hey shhhh… don't talk right now”.

His body is warm, his clothes as you had assumed, so soft and cuddly. When he pulls you into a hug, you clutch the cloth in a small fist and sigh at his scent. There's a brief moment of patting and playing with your hair softly before bringing your face out of his neck to inspect.

“You look beautiful even when you cry babe”. He dries a lone tear from your cheek bone, “so pretty…”

The moment he closes his eyes you're certain that he's going to kiss you.

Your eyes dart open when the lights to the elevator flashes in. There's a commotion outside, indicating people are trying to get the lift to open. Jungkook flinches to the searing light and drops his hands around you, slightly moving back.

Before the lift operator could see you flushed against him, Jungkook shoves you away from him in a jiffy.

“Are you guys alright? ”, the man with a brown beard asks. There were several people on the building stuck and it took hours before they could evacuate. The city has come back to life and the roads are well lit and sound now.

Even though pushing you off was a rational thing on part of Jungkook, you feel hurt. It felt like one moment he looked at you like he adores you and the next second shattered it all away.

“Y/n! ”. Jungkook jogs behind you. The moment you stepped out of the elevator, you were too perplexed to confront everything you did in the dark. You don't know if he means a word of what he says and does, and the greater possibility of no makes you all the more vulnerable.

“Y/n wait”.

He starts off with where he left. He turns you around in one smooth motion by your wrists and makes your lips land on his own. You don't know how to feel. It's euphoric of course, but what's yet to come after this gives you anxiety.

His kiss is eager, as if he is rushing to tell you something. You let him do whatever, and don't complain. Capturing your bottom lips between his, he nibbles and moves with fervor.

“Y/n let me say…”, he breathes, still holding your face close, “babe… can I take you out?”

You smile. “As in? ”

“As in assassination”. You chuckle. “You know what I mean Y/n, I think it's high time we go from enemies to lovers and all that cliche shit hm?”

The blush on your cheeks shoots up to the maximum if that's even possible and he is obviously smirking about how much effect he has on you. You notice that and hit his chest, “Yes I'll be there”.

He sighs and kisses you again, “You're such a nightmare aren't you”.

Thank you so much for reading!! ♡

Original Content of ©bangtanpromptfics

134 notes · View notes

athenagrantnash · 2 years

Note

The way I want Athena and May to be safe outside and hear over the radio “Captain Nash is down” for maximum angst because it would literally be SO good and Angela and Corinne would knock the hell out of that scene but also, don’t hurt them, they’ve been through so much 🥺

Oh my GOD! 😭

ANON WHY DO YOU HURT ME???

But also? YES!!!

Like I'm pretty sure May is probably? still inside the building when that happens?

But I NEED to get a reaction shot from Athena when they say that Bobby is down.

Also I'm so scared because THERE HAS NOT BEEN ONE SINGLE HAIR SIGHTED OF ATHENA IN THIS EPISODE!!! Which means that either 1) she's barely in it (unlikely) or 2) her scenes are too spoilery to actually put in promos!

Also if we get a parallel to Athena praying over Bobby in 4x14 and praying while Bobby goes in after David in Defend in Place I will SCREAM!!!

Just??? GIVE THIS EPISODE TO ME NOW!!! 😭😭😭

#ask me a question #bobby nash #athena grant #may grant #911 #911 fox #911 on fox #911 spoilers

8 notes · View notes

jd-loves-fiction · 3 years

Text

➤”I’d like one order of Mando adventure angst with a side of fluff and a dash of spicy bickering. Enemies to lovers or friends to lovers flavor (whatever’s on the house) and a nice hot bowl of ‘there was only one bed’

Give my compliments to the chef”

➤ genre: Fluff, Adventure, Comedy(?), Enemies to Partners, Angst

➤ wc: 4.9k (holy shit might be my longest request🥴)

➤ 🌙 Requested: @batarella ❤

"Listen, buddy, I got here first." You attempt to reason with the wall of beskar currently pointing his blaster directly at you.

Maybe not the smartest thing to say when first meeting someone of his reputation, but he can only be doing this for one reason.

He's after the bounty squirming nervously at your feet. And you're in the way.

Why else would he be out here, in the middle of a rocky desert on some faraway planet?

"Step away from him." The voice you hear startles you with its modulated dept. It's more surprising that he even spoke at all, given what you'd heard of the Mandalorian. Although his stature and the silent tension he brings with him is no doubt intimidating, you will not give up so easily after following this bounty so far out from the nearest town. “No.”

His visor tilts to the side, like a frustrated twitch, at your answer. “Maybe.” You rectify, which makes him raise his head in interest. “Do you have a fob?”

“No, I don’t.”

Not that it matters anymore considering yours is broken, but at least now you know he can't follow you if you make a break for it with the bounty.

“How did you find us?”

“I have my ways.” You nearly roll your eyes at his cryptic response, not like you expected anything else from a Mandalorian.

“Do you know why they sent you?” Knowing your employers, you had a clue on what the reason was. They got impatient.

They’d been pretty determined to get a maximum time needed out of you. You’re almost sure you overstepped it.

But to send a Mandalorian? Seems like a bit much.

“They were afraid you’d run off. That you gave the bounty away to the Resistance.” Of course, those bastards can barely trust themselves, let alone a foreigner.

“Well I didn't, and I won't. So you can lower your blaster and we can do this together.” You offer amicably, not yet loosening your grip on your weapon upon his lack of movement.

“You’re out of time. Your deal is off.”

“That’s just-!” You're cut off by a shot buzzing past you.

"Last warning."

Your jaw drops. How can someone be so damn cold?

You raise your finger assertively, about to give him a piece of your mind, when you notice something move by his hip.

And it's green. With gigantic ears. And huge dark eyes that blink at you curiously.

Your head tilts, mirroring the creature. The Mandalorian follows your eyes to find you looking at the child he’s supposed to be caring for.

“Huh. And who is that cutie?” The blaster already pointed at you raises from where it had begun to slouch, alert and cautious. Noticing this, you readjust your grip on your own weapon.

You and the creature continue to study each other, until the Mandalorian pushes the brown bag to where it rests behind his body protectively.

“Are they yours? I mean, doesn't look like the ears would fit.” You speak just to make conversation, stepping closer with miniscule steps. His gloved hand tightens around his blaster, hoping to remind you that he can still shoot you point-blank.

But he hasn't.

"Can you really do much in front of a kid?" You challenge smugly, still advancing slowly.

"He's seen me do worse."

"That right?" Another step. "You planning to shoot me today or would tomorrow work better?"

"Are you always this difficult? Just put the gun down-"

You jump towards him, hooking your foot around the back of his knee which makes him fall to the rocky ground immediately, dropping his blaster. Unfortunately, taking down a Mandalorian is no easy task, so he takes you down with him.

He throws his satchel to the side in the nick of time, it lands on a sand pile. His other arm grabs hold of you to pull you down with him.

You point your blaster at him as he lays beneath you, except it is no longer in your hand. Shit. He punches you in the face hard enough that something will turn black soon enough.

As you fall to the ground he gets on top of you, or tries, as you place your feet against his firm chest to keep some distance. You kick him in the helmet, silently thanking the stars your shoes are steel toed.

Your hand only scrapes against dry, red, sand covered rock as you search for a blaster, either would serve. Despite your momentary advantage in light of the Mandalorian’s confusion after being kicked, his hands quickly come down to cover your throat. You feel the creases in the leather as they’re pressed against your skin, and the beskar over the back of his hands against your chin.

But you still attempt to reach a weapon, a rock would do at this point.

Your arms flail wildly with no real direction, only the need to stay conscious, as if movement would help it. You do, however, notice that he’s purposely avoiding your traquia.

He still does not want to kill you. How sweet. Probably just wants to take you back to the bastards who hired you. They’d surely kill you, and much faster too.

Just as the spots in your vision start becoming overpowering, his grip loosens. You inhale greedily, desperately, gasping and coughing at the released pressure.

You can see his visor move to and fro, searching for something. Once you look to the side, you the child safe in its pile of sand, so it can't be that.

"Dank farrik! He's gone." The bounty. Right. Shit.

"Now," you pause, heaving as your lungs struggle to fill up again, "what?"

He places his hands on his hips, thinking for a moment, before turning his visor to where you lay clutching your sore - but not yet bruised - neck. "I'm going after him."

"I'm sorry-?!" You cut yourself off with a cough as you sit up, feeling grains of sand make their way inside your boots and other places. "You're going after him? This is my bounty! I had him, and I would've been fine if you hadn't shown up."

He keeps his stance, probably glaring disapprovingly beneath his helmet. You huff at his unyielding silence, getting up in his personal space and jabbing a finger into his chest plate.

"I'm about to give you a piece of my mind, so you better listen very carefully. I had it! It was my catch. And from what I can tell, it still is. So you better back off, Mando." Venom drips from your lips as you glare at the tin can on his head as if you could put a hole straight through it.

He relaxes, raising his hands again peacefully, palms up, "Alright, I get it. But do you think they'd take him from you now? Let alone later when you actually catch him? They seem pretty vindictive."

"Well, what do you suggest? You're not going on your own."

"And why not?" He scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest as he leans towards you.

"You don't have a tracking fob." You retort, leaning towards him as well with your hands on your hips.

The Mandalorian pats himself down where he believes to have stored the small device, only to find all those pockets empty. "You little thief!"

"And you're a liar! Plus, you think I'd just let you take my credits? Come on, with your reputation, you should know better than that." You shrug and suddenly Din is acutely aware that the beeping now comes from your hip instead of his.

"Alright, fine, let's do it this way. We'll look for him together and once we catch him, I'll hand him in and we'll split the reward." He explains slowly, carefully, afraid to set you off.

"Seems good to me." You speak resolutely, thrusting your hand forward firmly, expecting a handshake.

His helmet tilts down slightly as he looks down at your hand, before he reaches out with his own. Just as the leather meets your skin - in a now less life-threatening way - a coo sounds from somewhere at your feet, making you both look down to see the little green creature looking between the two of you curiously.

You look back at it, mirroring it once more, before it smiles wide revealing its tiny little teeth and, oh, your heart might just actually melt.

It's large eyes move down from your face, towards your hands.

You suddenly realize neither you nor the Mandalorian had let go of each other's hand and that a large grin has formed on your face due to the adorable baby. It is promptly wiped off as you pull your hand back just as he does. He looks away while you shrug at the child's inquisitive stare, unaware that the bounty hunter had been watching you and marveling at the bond you'd both formed already.

And so you set out together to look for your target, back towards town, where you had begun your chase.

He can't have gone far or in any other direction, not with the unbearable heat and certainly not while handcuffed. He'd die for sure, you just have to hope he's smart enough to know that.

You walk through town with the fob in your hand, just out of sight. No need for unnecessary attention. The town is tightly crowded, much to your chagrin, so you move slow and are barely able to see over the moving bodies. There’s just too much going on, too many people moving back and forth, shoving past you rudely. If it’d been anyone else - not an experienced bounty hunter - you would have probably been knocked down by the last two men that had scurried past you in a rush.

Without warning, you feel a hand grip your bicep. You immediately ready yourself for a fight, before you realize it belongs to your associate. Once he has your attention, Mando nods towards the edge to the street, against red stone buildings, urging you to follow him. You do, nudging anyone out of the way as you walked against the crowd’s stream.

You’re about to shout over the noise to ask just what the hell he pulled you aside for, considering you’re running out of time, before you follow his visor. Right to a wanted poster of a very familiar scoundrel. From the Resistance? Wanted alive for 8,000 credits?

“That’s one big fish, huh?" You continue to shout in order to be heard over the crowd, which you immediately regret, looking around, paranoid. "Must be important." You comment to yourself.

You look up to see the Mandalorian's back disappear behind the corner. You quickly follow, catching up to his long strides, "What are you thinking?"

He ignores your inquiry, continuing to practically stomp his way through town. "Hey. Hey!" You call out to no avail. Well, you asked for it.

You reach out, grabbing the man by the back of his cape, tightening it around his neck and making it so he had to lean back to follow your hand in order to keep breathing. Your heart beats faster at the rush of power you feel for a moment. "You better tell me what you're thinking, or this is not gonna work."

He taps your hand repeatedly until you let go, rising to his full height and you're back to feeling slightly intimidated as he stares you down, silently.

"I'm thinking that with a price that high you might actually take the bounty yourself."

"Why-?"

The tracking fob. The small object suddenly burned a whole in your pocket.

"Oh come on! You were trying to kill me!"

Your voice raises, arms flailing about. You know you're making a scene, considering this street is so much emptier and therefore quieter than the main one, but for the moment, you don't care. Right now, all you want is to put Mando in his place. Something you know is foolish given that he nearly killed you before and could actually do it this time.

"Yes, but it's still stealing." He spoke with that know-it-all, I'm-better-than-you, tone that just gets on your nerves. Bastard.

You raise a finger in the man's direction, fully intending to continue this conversation and clear your name in his eyes - the reason why is unknown even to you - when a shrill giggle cuts through the air. You look to Mando's hip, where the creature (who's name you have yet to learn) sits, pointing ahead to the entrance to the cantina.

Right at the man of the hour.

What? How?!

The man looks back at you and Mando for a moment, eyes widening as he recognizes you and the fact that this might be it.

Before he takes off running.

You start running before Mando does, easily catching up to the stout man, who's no longer in cuffs. As you get too close to his liking, he takes out a blaster (that you know isn't his) and tries to shoot you in the head. Only to miss and hit your forearm instead.

Hurts like a bitch, but it's better than death.

Out of the corner of your eye you see a steel rope of some kind shoot out and wrap around the fugitive's leg, sending him stumbling face first onto the ground.

Mando walks over to him, barely winded, standing over the panting man and blocking the sun with his body. You can only imagine the man's terrified expression.

You quickly take care of your wound as Mando ties the man up enough that he can't move, wincing as you look at the damage made on your skin. The burning nearly stops the bleeding and it hurts so bad you can barely process it, so you don't think about it, you simply level your breathing while wrapping a cloth around the wound and hope for the best considering it's not too big.

You clutch it to your chest as Mando approaches, pointing at your arm, intending to ask you if you're alright, but you move it to your side before he can. "Are you-"

"We should give him to the Resistance." You speak resolutely, holding back from wincing as your injury rubbed against your pants. It hurt even from beneath a (barely) protective cloth.

“I said ‘we’, so don't you start giving me shit, alright?” You tell him sternly after he crosses his arms, probably getting ready to call you a thief again. “You can't give him to the Resistance because they’ll arrest you, correct?” He nods.

“Well you know bounty hunting isn't exactly legal.”

“You don't have to tell me that, Mando.” You remind him firmly. “So, if we give him to them, we can ask for them to clear your name! And we’ll get double the reward. Two birds with one stone!”

“Do you really think they’d just do that?”

“If someone’s paying 8,000 credits for one guy and specifying they want him alive, then I’d bet they’d do anything to get him, even something as seemingly insignificant as clearing your name.” You explain, gesturing avidly as you do.

A long moment of silence passes before a modulated sigh crackles through Mando’s helmet. “Fine. I’ll go get the Crest.”

“Wait, woah woah woah. Why are you going? How do I know you wont leave me out here?”

“How do I know you wouldn't?” You take a moment to consider his words. He did lie to you, but you did steal from him in a way.

You look down in contemplation, eyes meeting the creature’s. Right, Mando has the kid, who probably isn't fit to be out in this heat for as long as it has.

“He got a name?” You point to the child, who smiles and giggles gleefully.

“Grogu.” You nod, sighing and rubbing your temples. Stars, it’s so hot it feels as if your brain is melting and you can feel a headache coming on.

“You can go. But I want you to swear on your,” You pause for a second, searching for the right word, “honorable code. Swear you’ll come back.”

“You-” The Mandalorian starts, before giving up on protesting at your determined stand, crossed arms and raised chin. “OK, alright. I swear that I’ll come back for you and the bounty. That we need.” He whispers the last part.

“Get to it then. I’m sweating bullets in this heat!”

You sit, back against a nearby rock, searching for as much shade as possible. You don't want to move the bounty back into town for a multitude of reasons, so now you’re stuck just outside of town. Sweat making your clothes stick and it gathers while the headache gets worse and more blood soaks your makeshift bandage, but at least it's silent. That's what you thought about 20 minutes ago, now, you’ve changed your mind.

“The hell did you do to get 8,000 credits on your head?” You ask suddenly, seemingly startling the man who seems to have accepted his fate already.

He sighs, probably just as bored as you, “I have some information they want. That's why they want me alive.” You purse your lips in interest, humming in understanding, before silence falls over you two once more.

Stars, it's hot.

You could cry from relief once you hear the sound of a loud engine getting closer and closer. The 'Crest', as Mando had called it.

You grab the bounty by the shirt, hauling him to his feet rather roughly and shoving him towards the flying hunk of metal that had just landed.

The ship. Mando doesn't come out to greet you.

As the ramp closes and the air is blanketed in a sheet of silence, your mind starts to wander without your permission. You know he has to be handsome under there, what with his broad shoulders and slim waist, deliciously thick thighs and a wonderfully smooth and deep voice that seems to caress your very soul as you hear it. You caught a glimpse of his skin when you pulled at his collar, delightfully tan just begging for you to sink your teeth into it.

Must be the heat. Surely that is the sole reason why you're fantasizing so vividly about a man whose real name you don't know, whose face you've never seen and oh, a man who tried to kill you. But didn't.

Sick of your own thoughts and the loud snores of the bounty, you rise to your feet, climbing the ladder that leads to the cockpit. You wince as you put part of your weight on your injured arm, deciding to climb the rest of the ladder one handed instead.

“Are you decent?” You shout through the thick metal door, hoping Mando can hear you inside the cockpit. When the heavy doors hiss and open, you’re sure he must be.

You sit down in the passenger seat silently, looking up at the stars above for a long moment. The mesmerizing, endlessly dark sky is all that you see at first, from being partially blinded by the fluorescent lights inside the Crest, before the stars come to you, bright speckles that dust the planetary systems all around you. Breathtaking.

You look back in front of yourself to find Grogu already staring at you, head tilted with a smile that shows the slightest hint of tiny teeth. You smile, leaning forward with a raised brow. He leans closer to you, eyes lingering in the side of your face, the one already darkening from Mando’s blow, before dipping down to the arm you hold close to your chest. You let go of it immediately as he does, wanting to shield him from seeing the blood you know can be seen through the cloth.

The child steps closer, as far as he can while up on the dashboard. Mando has to be avoiding you, before he would've seen that movement otherwise.

It reaches out his small hand, squeezing his eyes as tightly as possible while the green limb twitches. You furrow your brows in confusion, what?

The ache on your skin lessens gradually, as if the wound was being lifted from your skin. You can feel it on your arm, it tickles as your skin connects itself around the wound while the burn disappears as if you’d just placed ice over it.

At some point, your eyes close, lulled nearly to sleep by the lifting of the pain, the feeling left behind makes your skin tingle with energy just beneath, your head feels light for a second, as if the blood moved from there down to heal the wounds.

When you open your eyes, you’re met with Mando’s visor trained on your face, silent in a way you can tell he’s speechless. “Eyes on the road, Mando.” You tell him cheekily, voice cracking unexpectedly.

He turns back forward, pausing his steering to pull Grogu forward and away from the edge, before his hands return to the commands. “So, is it far still?”

“No, just a few more hours. The closest Resistance base is just on the next planet.” His fingers flick switches and pull levers, before he seemingly puts the vehicle on autopilot and turns to you. “You can take the cot, you must be tired.”

You blink at him, “And what about you?”

“I’ll be fine.” He answers gruffly, not sparing you a glance.

“No, it’s gonna be a few hours, and you’ve been awake for about as much as me so if anyone is taking the cot, it’s you.” You argue back firmly.

He sighs, loosening the cape around his neck as a way to calm himself down, you and your selflessness.

“Alright. No promises that I’ll sleep though.” He acts like it’s a huge burden, as if it pains him deeply.

He takes Grogu in his arms and towards his sleeping nook. The small child smiles at you from over his guardian’s shoulder, and you smile back.

Once he’s safely put away and the bounty checked on, Mando leads you to a space just off the main hull space, where a bed - with the thinnest mattress you’ve ever seen - is pulled from the wall. Oh boy, you can already feel your back aching, but it’s better than sitting in the cockpit on those hard chairs.

So you lay down your weapons while he takes off the bulkiest of his armour. You lay down, curled on your side and away from him, knowing he’ll have to cuddle close to fit. You feel his warmth against your back, but you don't feel his touch quite yet, only the ghost of it. Your gut tightens with pity as you know he can’t take his helmet off. That has to be very uncomfortable.

The lights are dim enough that there is no shadow from your bodies on the wall. You can tell by the space he’s put between you, that he’s about to fall off.

“Are you scared of me, Mando? Can I call you Mando?”

“Sure and no.”

“Which one?” You ask mischievously, smirking to yourself while knowing full well what he meant.

He sighs in exasperation, so you let him be. For only a moment before you're back to being snarky. "Surely you've been this close to another human before, perhaps in a more compromising context."

"Yes and it's usually quieter." You think he might not realize what he just said.

You snort, "Must mean you're doing something wrong."

"That's not-! Just, get some sleep." He says tiredly, giving up on the banter you're pushing. You do as he asks, closing your eyes as you feel the heat of his body move closer to you.

You wake up to a rough whisper of your name and a shaking of your shoulder. Eyes open slowly, squinting against the light shining right at them, before something blocks it and eases your discomfort. The large hand on your shoulder doesn't yet move from its place, gently perched and waiting for you to wake up fully.

You look up to see Mando's helmet over you, seemingly way too close (not that you're complaining), as you can clearly hear him breathe through his modulator. "We're here and we need to talk before you go in."

You follow him to the hull without question, stopping just before the door that leads to it. You rub the sleep from your eyes before blinking up at the bounty hunter, trying to nonchalantly fix your messy hair.

And though he'd never tell you, he thought you looked adorable in that moment. Rosy cheeks, a faraway gaze, lips pursed to hold back a yawn as you brushed down your hair. He was certainly thankful for his helmet in that moment, considering the heat he felt crawling up his neck and settling on his cheeks.

"Plan?"

You clear your throat before speaking, "Right. So, it's easy." You raise a hand to his face when Mando sighs deeply. "Simple, really. I go in, tell them I have the bounty and ask for a little something as compensation along with the credits. See? Easy and simple!"

"Do you think they'll take it?" It doesn't sound as skeptical as you would've expected from him. It's sort of hopeful. Even Mando has to admit to himself that getting chased around and having to avoid and run from x-wings at every turn, got pretty exhausting.

"Let's try it before we start getting doubts." You tell him, determined. "Besides, nothing to lose if you stay hidden, right?"

The planet you landed on is small and green - perfect cover for a Resistance base. You walk along the dirt path leading to it and away from the Crest, coming up to a clearing where you can see the humongous metal doors of the base which seemed to have been dug into a small mountain.

"Stop! State your business." A voice says through a speaker once you get close enough.

"I've come to deliver a bounty!" You keep it simple, no use even attempting to be charming with these folks.

Not long after, the doors part to let someone through, who you presume is a general or something of the sort given their intimidating presence and the flock of guards with their weapons trained on you that follow them.

"We have your credits. Thank you for bringing him to us." You keep your face neutral even as it urges to tremble beneath the pressure of their gaze. You feel the man in question squirm against the arm that grips his bicep. Must really not be a fan.

"That is not all I want." The supposed general, no need to try and figure that out considering you don't want them to remember you more than necessary, raises a delicate brow. "I would like for you to clear someone's name."

"That is not what we agreed on."

"Yes, well, I didn't agree to it myself, so." You shrug, impressed that the general's face remains stone cold, especially considering how much they probably would like to dispose of you given you're dragging out this exchange for longer than what's really necessary.

"You are in no place to make demands." One soldier tells you, pulling out his blaster and pointing it at you, getting more of a reaction from the bounty than from yourself as he flinches.

"Oh, I am in the perfect place to be making demands." You tell him venomously, grip tightening on the man's arm.

"We have you surrounded."

"Just the way I like it." You respond with a wink just to hear the person's stuttering over the modulator on their helmet.

"Very well." The general calls out in order to gain their minions' attention, "Just tell me what name they might be under in our system."

"The Mandalorian. Mando for friends."

Epilogue

"Fuck! Shit, fuck! What was I thinking?!" You yell out in frustration, standing before what remains of your ship, the rest most likely taken by Jawas, who must be long gone by now. "Of course someone would take it apart, why not?! Oh, stars." You wail miserably, crouching into a ball in search of some comfort.

"Hey, it'll be alright. Don't panic." Mando tells you gently after pulling you to your feet and grabbing your shoulders tightly to ground you. "There's two ways we can do this: we go after those Jawas, get your pieces and fix the ship or," Mando hesitates for a moment, fingers drumming along your skin as he turns the words over and over in his tongue until he feels as if he'll get them right once he says them. "you can come with me until you get enough credits for a new one. 4,000 might not be enough yet, but it's a pretty solid start."

His rare optimism brings a small smile out of you and makes your anger settle down almost completely. You'll no doubt have an even deeper hatred for the little shits, but you don't feel as if you'll punch the next living thing you see.

"I guess catching a ride with you can't be so bad, huh, Mando?"

#din djarin #din dijarin fanfiction #din dijarin x reader #din djaren #the mandalorian #the mandolorian x reader #the mandolarian #mandalorian x you #mandalorian x y/n #mandalorian x reader #mandalorian x oc #mando x reader #mando and grogu #mando #din

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hongnanglen-arina · 3 years

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Forget me not | Hong Joshua

Genre: Angst

Pairing: Joshua x fem reader

Warnings: sick!reader, dementia

Words: 3k

A/N: Hey there! So here it is, my first angsty fic on here. I’m currently going through this myself but writing it down helped me cope with it a bit. Of course having to deal with this syndrome/disease is anything but romantic or nice but i tried to make it less bad if you know what i mean... anyways, i really hope you don’t have to deal with this in rl. Please be healthy!! Love you ♡

Tagged: @love-dreams @seokcalibur

⋅𖥔⋅ ━━ ⋅𖥔⋅ ━━ ⋅𖥔⋅ ━━ ⋅𖥔⋅ ━━ ⋅𖥔⋅

The first time Joshua knew that something was off was at your birthday party 5 years ago. When you talked too fast, often times you mixed up the names especially the similar ones. You nearly forgot the cake in the oven. Luckily your cousin noticed it. During the party, he thought you were just too excited or too stressed because you wanted it to be perfect. You’ve always been like this.

But when you were alone in the kitchen after everyone had left, you asked him about the special occasion of the party. You couldn’t remember it was your birthday.

He had laughed and thought it was a joke. But it wasn’t.

The questions increased, more and more random reactions happened until he couldn’t leave you alone anymore.

Once he was at a market with you. It was a lovely saturday afternoon. You two enjoyed those short getaways a lot. You would randomly choose a place up to 3 hours away from your home and would drive there, spent the day or even the whole weekend there and would go back happily as if you had a little vacation. That day you had decided to split up so he could secretly get the little bouquet of roses for you before joining you at the grocery store to help with the bags. The bouquet was placed securely on the backseat of your car when he stepped into the grocery store, looking for you. The store wasn’t too big so he was sure that it wouldn’t take long to find you. No sign of you at the fruit corner, the pastries, alcohol nor the snacks corner. He just couldn’t find you. He even asked the workers to call your name through the speakers because he started to get worried. 5 minutes passed. 10. 15. Still no sign. He didn’t want to bother the busy workers a second time so he made his way back to your rented apartment for the weekend. Maybe you wanted to start preparing dinner because you’ve been always like this. You never wanted to get help if it wasn’t really necessary. This was one of the reasons you two would get into an argument but those never lasted for long.

When Joshua got into the car and drove down the street in the direction of your apartment, he saw you sitting at the bus stop, crying. He immediately stopped the car and ran to you, he thought his heart had stopped beating the second he saw in what kind of state you were.

“Y/n, what’s wrong? Why are you crying?” He tried his best to speak in a calming tone but it was very difficult. Joshua didn’t know what was wrong. What happened. What he missed out on. He was mad at himself that he left you alone, no matter what the reason for your tears was.

Your eyes lightened up a bit when you recognized him beside you on the bench, looking down at his hands which were holding yours, thumbs rubbing soothingly over your cold skin.

“I’m such a bad mother! I forgot to prepare dinner for our kids! I have to go back and cook. They must be hungry and waiting!”

It wasn’t what Joshua was expecting to hear.

Especially because your two children were already living in other cities for work and university. He didn’t understand right away. Again, he thought you made a joke but when his eyes met your glossy ones and he tried to find the right words.

“Love, they aren’t with us anymore. You don’t have to prepare dinner for them.”

This was the wrong choice of words. You started to cry uncontrollably, worse than before. Because you thought they had passed away.

Later on he learned that he had to “play along”. That this would resolve almost every situation with people who were suffering with this syndrome.

The other time you just wanted to throw away the trash. It was just right outside the apartment complex so he thought it would be okay. The big bins were just beside the entrance, in a separate place only residents could enter since the gatekeeper was always around. You didn’t have to go that far, it was still the same building. But what was a task for 10 minutes maximum under normal circumstances became a horrible memory for Joshua and probably you too.

Because you got lost somewhere between leaving and closing the apartment door and the moment Joshua found you. In the hospital.

Until now, he didn’t know what exactly happened on that day. But you got hit by a car when you crossed the street at a red light he was told. Even after asking the gatekeeper, he couldn’t help you because after seeing you, he got a call and didn’t pay attention where you were going after exchanging greetings.

Joshua’s fingers slightly touched your knee, the scars from the accident still evident. He was mad at himself. He thought moving to this place would help you recover and made you happier. In some aspects it did. Living on the 23rd floor with a breathtaking view over the Hangang river and all the nice lights once it got dark outside was something you two had always dreamt of. Being able to take a walk at the park next to the building and having some slice of nature around was exactly what you two wanted in this huge city. Always joked about growing old and admiring the view together.

He never thought it would become like this.

He didn’t know why God had chosen you.

He used to believe that everything happened for a reason. That you would only get good things if you do good.

He was raised to believe in God.

But after everything, it was difficult.

He even caught himself hating God for making you suffer like this.

He just couldn’t help it.

“It’s cold.” Your words pulled Joshua back to reality and he quickly got up to get your favorite blanket. The fuzzy fabric that you fell in love with when you were at an amusement park together a month before you got married. You always took great care to everything and everyone around you so it was no surprise to him that the blanket still looked exactly like it did when he won it for you. Although it hasn’t gotten the same care anymore after you weren’t able to do chores by yourself again. Joshua asked you what your secret was in maintaining it but as much as he tried, he just wasn’t as talented as you.

He wrapped you in your blanket and made sure that you felt warm and cozy before walking over to the open kitchen area to prepare tea. Your favorite organic herbal infusion.

While he was waiting for the water to boil, is eyes traveled to the side and to the wall which was decorated by different photos. Every single one holding a deep meaning.

A selfie taken on a ferries wheel. The moment he confessed his feelings for you. He planned everything to the smallest detail and wanted it to be romantic. Throughout the evening you asked him several times why he was carrying a bigger backpack. The reason was a bouquet of red roses. That day he wasn’t fully himself because he was too nervous but it still worked out. He succeeded. Joshua smiled at the memory.

Beside that was a photo from your wedding. The beautiful dress that you wore was something he had never seen. He was speechless and had to swallow down the tears. He couldn’t believe that he was the lucky guy marrying this ethereal woman in front of him. In this photo your eyes were a little puffy and nose slightly red because you couldn’t help but to cry through half of the ceremony. He could still hear your whines when his best friend asked for a photo. The smile remained on Joshua’s lips while remembering the moment.

Then photos of your children. The first born, then your second 3 years later. Time really passed by too fast because now they weren’t living with you anymore. In fact, your first born would become a father himself in a couple of months.

Joshua looked over to you, the smile changing to a painful expression. He wasn’t sure if you would understand who it is when your son would come over with his baby.

Once the tea was ready, he put everything on a small tray with some fruits and walked back to you.

You were still at your favorite spot. At the table in the dining room which was right in front of a huge window, allowing you to have a beautiful view on the Hangang river and the Paldang bridge. Joshua would catch you smile from time to time, sometimes even getting an answer from you why you were smiling. When there wasn't a smile on your lips, your eyes would be watery as if you had remembered something sad. Every time he would ask you and often times he would be surprised what the cause was. The fact he would randomly learn new things about your past even after knowing you for over 40 years now was surprising to him. But the doctor once told him that those things could also be dreams or wishes that you would mix up with reality. Sadly it was common.

He helped you with the tea, blew over it and held the cup while you took a sip. Every time you would thank him but without saying his name. It was painful but he tried to hold his smile.

“They look like the flowers we have in our garden. They are so beautiful. My mother loves them. Me too.”

Joshua turned around to a painting on the wall. A painting of small flowers, little blue petals with white and yellow centers. Forget-me-nots.

You painted it after getting the diagnosis. At that time, it wasn’t this severe. You were still able to do everything by yourself although you stopped from time to time because you weren’t able to remember what you wanted or why you were doing something. But the both of you were scared of the future.

It wouldn’t just go away after some time like a flu. There was nothing you could do, no antidote. Just medication which would temporarily improve the symptoms, distracting you from the real process. You knew that one day it would become so bad that you may hurt him.

The reason you painted the flowers was because you wanted to break up with him. You wanted a divorce. Not because you stopped loving him, it was because you loved him. You hated to ask for help. You hated to bother people, especially him. People who meant the world to you. You wanted him to live his life without you as a burden because dementia meant you would need help until the very end.

You wanted to give him the painting as a gift, like a symbol of your time together. That you were thankful for everything and hoped he would keep all the good memories in his heart. You didn’t want him to hate you and you really hoped he would understand. If not now, then later. The divorce would give him the freedom he deserved. He shouldn’t see you miserably and take care of you when you can’t recognize him anymore.

That was the biggest fight you two had.

Joshua was more than hurt of the decision you had made alone. But he wasn’t the only one in pain and he saw it in the way you were shaking as you tried to explain everything. He knew that something was wrong with you some weeks prior to your fight where the bomb dropped. You didn’t eat normally, you denied his ideas for a night out, you didn’t smile as much as you used to. You just avoided his love and wanted to be alone more and more.

In the end he convinced you to stay. Joshua told you that he swore to care for you until his last breath. To be there for you in good but also in bad times. He would be understanding if the syndrome would mess with your brain or body again. It was his purpose to be there for you. He loved you. Just as much as you needed him, he needed you as well. Even if that meant to be in the situation he was in right now.

"You really sing so beautifully. You should become a singer!"

That's what you would say every day after he played the guitar or sang his favorite song for you. And his reply would be the same as well, every day.

"Believe me or not but I was a famous singer once.”

And you would always giggle and think that he made a joke. But it wasn’t.

Joshua was 2 years older than you but then again, healthy. Unlike you who was suffering from dementia.

He knew you didn't do it on purpose but it always hurt him so much, he had no word to describe the pain. Knowing you weren't able to remember all the happy moments you two went through made his heart ache. No matter how often he told you about your adventures, your experiences and life lessons, you would forget about it right after. But he still did it again and again. At least he had a lot to tell you about and somehow it was a way of not forgetting it himself. Some kind of therapy for himself. But often times he struggled because he couldn't remember it clearly and it was always a lonely feeling as you couldn't help or correct him.

Joshua checked the secure on the wheels of your wheelchair, making sure it wouldn’t move. He slowly got up to his feet to turn on the heater on the other side of the room. It was getting cold inside and the tea was gone already.

When he first heard about dementia, he thought it was losing memory only. But as he educated himself more and more, he learned that it could also mean the loss of mobility and the loss of speech.

Luckily the latter hasn’t happened yet and he prayed it would stay that way.

That was one of the reasons he believed in God again.

He felt selfish but he had nowhere to go. No place to let everything out.

When he prayed to God again, he felt bad and pathetic at first but it gave him the strength he needed.

He prayed that you wouldn’t be in too much pain.

He mentioned his gratitude for still being with you.

He was thankful for the chance to be a good husband to you.

Absentmindedly, his fingers found his cross necklace. You weren’t in a good state and of course everything could be better without dementia but being there for each other must be the life lesson here. Even without a marriage, being with the person you love and supporting each other was one of the most important things in life. He didn’t know how it would be, if the tables were switched between the two of you. Maybe that was why Joshua understood your idea of the divorce although he decided against it. If he would have to choose again, his decision would be the same.

He didn’t want a life without you.

After turning on the heater, he joined you again.

He was watching you smile with tears in your eyes.

He asked you what was wrong but you didn't react, instead your gaze was fixated on something outside the window. He wanted to help. He wanted to turn back time but he couldn't. His wish was impossible to become true.

Joshua reached forward, grabbing two clementines from the tray he had brought earlier and started peeling them for you. You two used to do it for the other when everything was still okay. Before the drastic change had started. Now you've never done it for him again but it would never stop him from doing it for you.

Carefully taking your hand and placing the peeled fruits in it, you made a surprised noise, giving him a soft smile.

"How do you know I like them? Say, what's your name?"

He tried to smile back. The same question he would hear every day.

Leaning forward, he gently rubbed your arm through the blanket. "My name is Joshua." ...and I'm your husband, he added in his thoughts.

You pulled out your arm from under the blanket and carefully touched his hair, letting the fingertips graze his cheeks until he grabbed your hand and kept your hand like this, leaning in your palm and closing his eyes for a second before placing your hand back down in your lap. You still wore his bracelet. The one he made for you with pastel colored beads.

Every day you would ask where you got it from but Joshua made sure to tell you about it every time he heard this question. At least you two would always have topics to talk about, he always told himself.

“You are so kind to me.”

Your soft voice made him look up to you and then he saw it in your eyes. He saw that deep down you haven't completely forgotten about him and that was all he needed. That was what kept him going, day after day. You were and will always be the love of his life after all.

And that would never change. Never.

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t-lostinworlds · 4 years

Text

The Choices We Make (Tom Holland) [1]

A/N: Okay so here’s that angst I’ve been babbling about haha. This was so hard for me to write for some reason, like I genuinely felt nervous and anxious, and I cried a lil so yeah asdfghjkl prepare for some heartbreak.

Pairing: Tom Holland x Fem!Reader

Summary: You find out the real reason why Tom has been distant, but it wasn't due to something out of his control, no, it was entirely his choice, and it wasn’t the right one.

Warnings: just pure heart wrenching angst and then some.

Word Count: 5.6k+

Masterlist in Bio

-:-:-:-:-

It's been going on for a month, maybe even more. You weren't proud on letting it stretch for this long, but you were still holding out hope, your faith in him too strong.

Tom was growing distant, farther from your reach despite the fact that you sleep on the same bed and live in the same house. The house that was once coated with warmth, laughter and happiness, but now, it's different, somewhat... cold, unnerving.

As a matter of fact, he barely even is home, and when he is, he treats you as someone who's just occupying the space, not someone who has seen him for him, naked and flawed, both demons and angels alike.

He's always glued to his phone, other times, fast asleep, or that's what you think anyway when he's in the bedroom at two in the afternoon. Simply put, he never truly gets to spend much time with you at all, despite being in the same house.

Kisses don't feel as warm, hugs just the same, and the last time you made love... gosh, it was a month and a half ago, which sounds so bad given that, that's how long he's been home for, right after his junket for Onward.

It's like there's an obvious wall between you two, and you know there is, you're just ignori—no, denial is the right word. You're in denial of what your three-year relationship has whittled to.

You're trying to not think much of it, blame it on the busyness of his life, but there's always something about a gut feeling that is too hard to ignore.

"I'm going to spend the night at Harry's again, we're pulling an all-nighter to get the final parts for the script done," Tom stated flatly the moment he stepped into the kitchen, all out of breath and sweaty from his morning run.

You tried to mask your added disappointment as you greeted him with a small smile. Added because you were already disappointed before he came home, and now you're even more let down due to the news he's brought.

It's been an everyday thing, waking up to a cold, empty space beside you in morning, and when you've been sleeping facing away from each other, a literal gap between you two, it makes your heart hurt. But you brush it off every time, seeming used to it.

It's been a weekly thing, him staying at Harry's, or rather, the twin's house overnight to finish this script they've been working so hard on. You were proud of course, never failing to support him through and through, but it doesn't make sleeping alone in that queen-size bed less dreadful.

Tom moved towards your place in front of the kitchen island, placing a swift kiss on your cheek before going for a glass of water. The gesture didn't make the butterflies in your stomach flutter as much as it used to, because there's something off, like he did it out of habit, not because he's sincere about it.

"Breakfast?"

Tom shook his head no as he chugged the tall glass of water empty. His eyes were elsewhere, never meeting yours as he muttered under his breath, "I'm going to go and take a shower."

He didn't even wait for a response as he swiftly left the kitchen, left you there to eat on your own, just like the past few.

You brush it off. You're getting used it.

***

"Wait, you're leaving now?" you asked with a frown, standing up from the couch once you saw Tom emerge from the hallway, dressed in a casual white shirt and denim jeans with a backpack slung over his shoulder.

He only nodded at you with a hum before retreating towards the kitchen, the sound of the fridge opening and closing bouncing off the white walls. You glanced at the clock perched on top of the fireplace: 10:46 am.

You couldn't stop your frown from deepening as you followed his figure towards the front door. "Uhm, you coming home for lunch?" you tried, still hopeful, even though you already know the answer.

"No, Harry and I will just order something." Tom lifted his head up from his phone to shoot you a small smile, to which you tried to return, and you did, it just didn't come out as honest as you wanted. He noticed this, his eyebrows furrowing as the curve on his lips slowly disappeared. "What's wrong?"

You shook your head and smiled wider, brighter, maybe a little too bright. "It's nothing," you breathed out to try and cover up the lie.

Of course you've talked to him about it, the whole him not often being home, not spending much time with you, but each time you brought it up, it always ends up in a fight. Always.

Voices are raised, accusations are then thrown, all of which are pointed towards you. Too clingy, not understanding his schedule, tying him down, not letting him live his life and it goes on and on and on, each one just cutting deeper, more painful than the prior.

You just don't have the energy to deal with it again, not now, not when he's about to leave. You can't bear to sleep alone as is, what more with an angry and hurting heart?

"Are you sure?" Tom asked, head tilted to the side, trying to get a read on your expression. You nodded, smile never wavering, "Yeah, have fun writing, I love you."

Those last three words hung in the air for a few seconds, almost taunting, deafening. You mean it, undeniably, from every letter to each syllable; you mean it with all your heart. But somehow, in some way, there's something tied to it. You couldn't pinpoint as to what it is exactly, but the words felt heavy between you two.

"Bye. I'll see you tomorrow." Tom cleared his throat before walking closer to you, arms wrapping nimbly around your form to give you a light squeeze, turning his head to press his lips on your cheek. His touch was feathery, making it feel like it's not even there in the first place. You could only hum with a nod, smile forced as you watched him out the front door, inside his car and drive off, disappearing down the road.

You let out a shaky breath as you willed yourself not to cry, fists opening and closing as if you're trying to get a hold of your sanity, anxiousness filling you up to the brim. Your eyes were trained on the skid marks left by the tires of his car, the only trace that he's been here, but also a reminder that he has once again left without even staying for a maximum of sixty minutes.

It's nothing. He's just busy.

Echoed your thoughts, over and over to try and reassure yourself, repeating it like a mantra to tune out the horrible conclusions, the nasty what if's that were crawling out of the depths of your mind, pushing its way to the surface.

It's nothing. He's just busy.

But there's always something about a gut feeling that is too strong for you to ignore.

***

"Thank you so much, have a good day." You smiled at the cashier, taking the two bags of take outs in each hand — Nando's to be specific — before making your way out of the building and into your car.

Once the bags were safely secured on the passenger's seat, you grabbed the wheel, but you stayed there for a few minutes, drumming your fingers against it. Your eyes glanced down at the key that was already in place, you just had to turn it and drive, but you hesitated.

You were having second thoughts if you should just go home and eat the food yourself, to just not bother to surprise Tom. You visited him on the first time he stayed at the twin's house, and that didn't end well. Your excited smile was quickly slapped off your face when Tom looked at you with nothing but anger and irritation. Said you were a distraction to him, not in a good way, and that's putting it lightly.

Harry and Sam tried to talk to him about it as they found Tom's outburst really uncalled for, but you digress, opting on just going home instead, not wanting to make the problem even bigger. After that, you never tried again.

But maybe this time it's different, maybe, once he sees you've ordered his favorite, he'll be happy about it.

Maybe.

***

Once parked in front of the twins' house, you let out a nervous breath, palms turning clammy as you stared at the image of a chicken plastered on the bag for a good minute. With a sharp intake of breath, you gathered all your courage before grabbing it and making your way out the car.

The walk towards the front door was making you feel anxious, maybe because of past experience or maybe you were just getting too into your head, but either way, your heart was pounding hard against your chest.

Few seconds after pressing the doorbell with a shaky finger, footsteps where soon heard on the other side. You held your breath, waiting for the door to open, and when it did, Harry emerged with a surprised and very confused look on his face.

"Y/N? Hey, what're you doing here?" the boy greeted with a hug, you returning the gesture as much as you could with full hands. He then moved out of the way as he added, "Come in."

"I wanted to surprise Tom with Nando's. I got you and Sam something too," you spoke as you walked down the hallway, lifting the bags up to prove your point, but Harry only furrowed his brows at you, expression growing even more confused, concerned even.

"Did someone say Nando's?" And on cue, Sam appeared, giving you a warm, welcoming hug before offering to take the bags from you to bring them to the kitchen.

Once he disappeared, Harry turned his attention back to you as you reached the living room. "Wait, Tom? I thought he was with you? He said he can't do a session today because he needed to spend time with you?"

It was your turn to look at him with a confused expression. "He said he was going to sleep over again because you're going to pull an all-nighter with the script," you said, hints of worry coating your voice, a certain feeling bubbling inside your stomach.

"Again? Tom hasn't spent the night here, ever." Harry's frown only deepened, especially when he saw the way your face fell at his words.

Knees weakening, you sat on the couch shakily, hands holding the cushion as you tried to steady yourself, both physically and emotionally.

"Does he even come here every week?" you asked, tone soft, a stark contrast to the chaotic battle inside your mind.

Harry sat beside you, his confusion not diminishing. "Well yeah, he comes at around eleven and then goes home after lunch."

You shook your head, bottom lip caught between your teeth as you avoided Harry's worried gaze. "He doesn't," you took a sharp breath. "He doesn't come home until the next day."

Your voice broke at the end of your sentence, tears brimming in your eyes as your head started to get clouded, darker with every ticking second. The grip you had on the cushion was tight, mind running a hundred miles per second, matching the harsh pace of your heart.

"Y/N, please tell me what's going on," Harry said softly, placing a gentle hand on your shoulder. You met his gaze, contemplating, weighing if you should tell, or would it be too much to involve them in this too.

You've grown close with the twins, even with Paddy. You've been with Tom for three years, it wasn't surprising that you have grown that bond.

Granted, Harry and Sam have talked to you about their relationships, seeking advice, like a big-sister-little-brothers type of bond. With that said, this is different because it's Tom, their own brother. You don't know how you feel about talking ill about their brother whom they love so much.

"Look, I know you might think it's weird and awkward because Tom and I are brothers, or that I'll choose his side because he's my brother, but I won't if he's in the wrong. When he does something shitty, you know for a fact we'll be the first ones to call him out on it," Harry started once he saw your hesitation, wearing a reassuring smile as he gave your shoulder a squeeze. "And I'm just here to listen. I'm not going to get involved when it's not my place to be. I know you just need an outlet," he added.

You gave him a nod, breath shaky as you tried to think on it again. But with the situation at hand growing overwhelming, with the horrible thoughts eating away inside your brain, a month and a half long of keeping everything to yourself, suffering by yourself, you broke.

Fresh tears streamed down your face endlessly as you poured your heart out to Harry, sobs in between words as you tell him what's been going on, from the very beginning when you noticed something wasn't right, when things stared to change.

Sam came in the living room confused and worried, him and Harry sharing a look before he disappeared again and then came back with a glass of water, because he too understood what you needed, both of them knew you just needed to let it all out.

And you did.

***

The twin's offered for you to stay the night and you were glad. You have no idea what you'd do if you came back in the house and slept alone, don't know if you'd be able to stay sane.

They were both sweethearts about it, not jumping to conclusions of course but just tried to take your mind off of it, even if it's just for a little bit. But you knew you can't run and hide for too long.

It was nearing six pm when you decided it was time to go back home and face whatever it is you needed to face. The moment you turned the corner towards the house, your nerves erupted from head to toe, eyes trained on Tom's car that was parked right on the drive way.

Tears were already threatening to spill, but you kept strong, holding everything in as you turned off the ignition and made your way out of the car. When inside, you kept your head low as you took your shoes and jacket off, trying your hardest to not let out even the tiniest of sniffles.

You hear rustling in the kitchen, and surely enough, that's where you saw him, the one and only Tom Holland, eyebrows furrowed as he stared the cooking book down.

If it was any other day, your heart would've melted. You'd find the sight endearing as he navigates his way around the kitchen, but not today, not when your heart and mind were waging war against each other.

"You're home," you muttered, Tom's head lifting at the sound of your voice, a smile appearing its way onto his lips. It was a simple smile, innocent maybe, but it made your stomach slightly churn.

"Yeah, just arrived ten minutes ago," he said, tilting his head to the side in mere curiosity when you avoided his eyes at all costs, when you didn't even bother to come closer to him. "Where've you been?" he pondered.

You shrugged, seeming nonchalant as you turned your back on him, knowing that your face would give it all away the moment you ask him the question. "Just out. How was writing?"

It was an obvious bait, and of course, him being oblivious, he took it.

"Hard as usual, but we've made progress so it's great." The lie rolled off Tom's tongue like second nature, not even a single hint of remorse in his voice, and that in itself hurts. It made you wonder what else he could have lied about, which could have been so many, too many.

The doubts, the fears, the pain, it was consuming you, from every nerve to every bone, the stinging in your heart ever growing, turning harsher, an agonizing torture.

"What'd you want for dinner love?" he asked, the sound of a page flicking, ringing in your ear. You shut your eyes at the term of endearment, one he's only learned to use again just now, and with what you know, it only makes it hurt even worse.

Tom still had no clue to how you were breaking inside, thoughts trailing to a dark path because of his lies as he kept busy with whatever it is he was trying to cook.

You shook your head in response at his question, despite his eyes not being trained on you, despite him not having a clear view of you. You swallowed the lump in your throat, making sure to keep a steady, unwavering tone as you spoke, "I already ate."

"Oh, okay," was the last thing you heard from him as you rushed towards your shared bedroom, palm over your mouth to try and silence the sob the managed to escape.

Of course you'll confront him about it, but not now, you don't have any strength left to do so. You were tired, weakened after pouring it all out to the twins, and you weren't sure if you're ready to hear the truth, not sure if you would be able to handle it.

But despite trying to put it off, the universe had other plans, forcing you to confront it sooner rather than later.

***

Feet heavy, you made your way towards the bed, ready to just crash and drift off into a deep slumber, to escape reality but when you saw the number of glasses on Tom's bedside table, you couldn't help but sigh in dismay.

It's a habit of his, bringing a new glass of water each time and never taking the old one back, creating a whole bunch of just empty glasses on the table. It's become a routine for you to bring them back out yourself, him flashing you a guilty smile each time you give him a pointed look with your hands full of said glasses.

He'll be quick to put on his best puppy eyes to avoid your scolding, using his baby voice as he apologise and you always give in, unable to resist. Maybe that's why he hasn't really learned from it yet.

You made your way over his bedside table, seeing that there are four this time around. You took each one carefully, balancing two in a hand. Before you could turn around to go back to the kitchen, a familiar rectangular device caught your eye, one that was facing up and hooked on a cable. You stared at it for a minute, maybe more.

Two sides of you were bickering, fighting on who should be more in control. One was telling you to just have a peek, that it wouldn't hurt to snoop just a little bit. The other was telling you the exact opposite, that confronting him was the right path. It went back and forth for a moment, like an angel and devil sitting on each shoulder, and you were torn.

Regardless, as if some being was watching from above and controlling your odds, you didn't get to a decision when the screen lit up on its own.

At first glance, it was nothing but a photo of you and Tessa as the lock screen. Your smile was wide as Tessa gave you a proper lick on the cheek, so innocent, nothing but pure love, it was wholesome. But you weren't looking at that, no, your gaze was dead set on the text message that came through, the notification box screaming at your face.

Message from ***:

Had an amazing time last night, you sure know how to make a girl feel good ;) see you next week tommy xx

Ice cold, it was what you felt from head to toe, body numb but you felt oh so sick in your stomach, outright disgusted.

As a tear rolled down your cheek, the glasses you held with your fingers, slipped from your grasp, landing on the floor with a loud shatter. It turned to pieces, scattered on the floor in shards, all broken, a mirror of the state of your heart.

You stood in your place, stuck and frozen, unable to move as your whole world crashed and burst into flames. Everything you've ever known about your relationship, about him, all were thrown out the window, value reduced to nothing.

The worst nightmare that you've conjured in your head ended up being a reality. The nagging voice that you kept hearing over and over was right all along.

It was a matter of time for Tom to appear. You knew he heard the glasses breaking as you left the door ajar, and surely enough he came rushing in with a worried look on his face, eyes landing on your tear-coated face to the broken glass around your feet.

"Darling are you hurt? What happened?" he asked, the most he's been concerned of your being since the day it all changed.

Before he could take another step closer, you held a hand up, Tom stopping in his tracks, his concern replaced by confusion. "Tom, where were you last night?" you questioned again, hoping that he'll finally have some kind of remorse, but he didn't, he kept on his lies.

"I already told you, I was with Harry writin—"

"You weren't," you cut him off, the hurt in your voice crystal clear. "Sorry?" he asked, still confused, still unaware that you already know the truth. There was no beating around the bush anymore, you just couldn't take it for much longer. Head turning to look at him straight in the eyes, you stated bluntly,

"I was with Harry and Sam last night, you weren't."

Tom's whole face drained out of color, lips pressed into a thin line as he looked at you with guilt, and that's when you stared right at the face of a caught man.

Your lips trembled as you painfully held his gaze. Those brown eyes... looking at those brown used to fill you up with so much warmth, made you feel safe, loved. But now, you just felt betrayed, so betrayed.

"Who is she?"

Tom shook his head hurriedly, brows knitted together at your accusation. "What? There's no one—"

"Tom, please, don't make it hurt some more by lying to my face," you sobbed as you shook your head at him. He looked away at that, the pain in your eyes too much for him to handle, especially with the way your voice was filled with so much sorrow, all because of him.

"Who is she?" you asked again, firmer this time, the slight growl in your voice making Tom's head snapped back at you.

His frown deepened when his eyes fell on the floor for a second before it landed back on your face. "Darling please move away from there, you're going to get hurt," he coaxed, his heart hammering hard against his chest, thoughts a jumbled mess in his head as he watched you break little by little in front of him.

"Tom," you pleaded, not wanting to stall anymore, hands balling into fists as more tears ran down your face, each one dropping on the ground with a silent thump. Tom held his hands up in surrender as he nodded, "Just move away from the broken glass first, please Y/N."

You took a deep, shaky breath to try and rid of the anger, to try and be rational as you moved, stepping over the shards of glass with caution before fully facing him, keeping a much needed distance for you to stay sane.

Silence rang in the room as you waited for him to speak, to let the truth out because there was nowhere to hide anymore. Tom saw this in your eyes, how you just wanted honesty, so he swallowed the lump in his throat, eyes holding your gaze as his heart felt heavier.

"I met her at the press junket for Onward..." he trailed off, voice merely above a whisper but the words tasted vile against Tom's tongue, heart breaking, guilt overflowing once you let out a broken whimper.

You looked away, arms crossing over your chest in mere defense, and piece by piece, it all fell into place, the puzzle completed.

All those weeks of asking why he's been acting the way he is, cold and distant. Just asking why he hasn't given you any affection aside from the small hugs and barely-there kisses on the cheek. All the days questioning why he wouldn't touch you the way he used to, show you how much he loves you and now, well, now you know why.

He was giving it to someone else, showing it to someone else, fucking someone else and it hurts, cruelly it hurts.

Although some questions were now answered, a few more grew, like a hydra, cut off one head and two more shall grow.

Your heart was in deep, excruciating pain, head full of even more questions, full of why's, but something in you clicked, like a switch turning off as the anger left your body, as you slowly went numb.

"Please say something," Tom whispered, voice strained, and you can see how his hands were twitching, itching to reach for you, to hold you, but the look you were giving him was an enough hint for him to keep his distance.

"What do you want me to say?" you whispered, ever so softly as you screwed your eyes shut, the tears never ceasing to run down your already wet cheeks.

And the way that there was no anger in your voice anymore, just pure pain, it scared Tom, the dread starting to consume him. He knows you, he knows how much you blame yourself for the things you have no fault in, and he was sure you were blaming yourself right at this moment.

"Yell at me, curse me out, fucking hell, punch me in the face, anything. Please don't bottle it up," he begged, taking one step closer, and you stood in your place as you felt yourself shut down, brain closing off as well as your heart.

With a deep breath, you met his brown orbs again with a sad smile. "It's okay Tom."

That's when the tears brimmed in Tom's eyes, because that's when he knew. That was the tell-tale sign that you were done, that you weren't going to put up a fight anymore.

It was that moment when Tom knew that you've given up on the relationship, given up on him.

Flashes of memories clouded his vision, both good and bad. Then it was like he watched himself in third person as he came into terms as to how he treated you so badly for the past month and half.

It was like a big punch in the face as he was reminded of all the rotten and sinful things he's done, right at your face but especially behind your back.

How has he managed to become such a monster? A poor excuse of a man?

"It's not oka—"

"I just—I-I'm just going to leave," you ducked your head low and attempted to walk past him, but Tom was quick to grab your arm, turning you back around to face him.

"No, darling please, let me have it, blame me, please, be angry at me. This is all on me Y/N," Tom's lips trembled as he spoke, his shaking fingers interlacing with yours. His were eyes boring deep into your pain-filled orbs, just trying to find any sort of direction, because he has no clue on what to do anymore, no idea on how to fix things, if it was even fixable at this point.

"Tom, it's okay—"

"Stop saying that! You know it's not fucking okay!" Tom cried, his pink cheeks turning damp as he looked at you with so many emotions. There was the guilt, the regret, the hurt, and the fear, but most of those emotions are felt when everything is already too late.

And it was.

You let go of his hand and brought it up to cup his face, thumb grazing his skin sweetly as you gave him a small smile.

This made Tom cry harder. You were such a sweetheart, a kind soul, and the fact that he took advantage of that, the fact that he broke your precious heart when you did nothing but love him unconditionally, Tom wanted to beat himself up until he's all knocked out.

"You already made your choice Tom, and now, I think it's time I make mine," you said softly. The way that you were being so calm about this was unbearable. It was like you're taking the hit like you deserved it, and this was making Tom feel even more disgusted at himself than he already is.

"What is your choice?" Tom held his breath, waiting for the worst case scenario as he leaned into your touch, not knowing if he'll ever feel it again after this.

"Me."

You didn't need to explain yourself, and you saw it in his eyes that he understood. For the month that he's changed, you were so patient with him, always thought about what he feels, making excuses for him and seeing it in his perspective. But now, it was time for you to think about your own feelings too, to think what's best for you, to put yourself first.

Now, you were choosing yourself.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I'm such a fucking asshole, I'm sorry. You don't deserve this," Tom sobbed, words repeating over and over, realising deep inside how much he's wasted your love, how much he's thrown away, and the reason wasn't even worth it, he threw it all for nothing. He dropped his head, feeling too ashamed of himself, he was so revolted by what he's become, all the things he done.

You let out a soft sob, both hands now holding his face as you slowly lifted his head back up. "Be happy, that's all I want for you," you said, and you meant it.

You were surprised yourself how you don't feel much resentment. Maybe it was how strong your love was for him, or maybe it just hasn't sunk in yet, but you do mean it. You still want him to be happy, with whatever choice he has to make next.

"You know I don't deserve that," Tom whimpered with a shake of his head, bottom lip quivering as the pain he felt only magnified from there.

You didn't respond to that anymore, knowing that it was time to go, that you needed to go. What you did next just broke Tom's heart even more. You leaned closer, your lips feeling warm against his forehead, pulling away as you stared into his brown eyes with a broken smile on your lips, and you whispered, oh so tenderly,

"I love you."

Tom didn't get to say another word, didn't get a chance too as you took his hands, gave it one last squeeze before making your way out the room.

He stood there, incapable of moving, mind lost, his heart all broken, and when he heard the front door slam shut, that's when everything finally came into light, the weight of his actions, the weight of his choices.

Tom turned towards his bedside table, treading slowly to avoid the glass. With the phone in hand, he turned it on. He felt himself grimace at the message that he assumed you read, such a vile and revolting thing, what he did. But it was unimportant to him now as he closed it, the screen now cleared.

A soft whimper came out of his lips as he stared at the screen, you and Tessa staring right back at him, your smile bright with so much joy and light covering your features. Tom felt so angry at himself knowing that he caused that smile to disappear, that he was the reason why the light has been snuffed out of you.

It's so ironic how realization always comes too late, because just now does Tom realize how much he's lost, how much he screwed things up. Tom just wasted all those precious years where you did nothing but love him, cherish him, brought him nothing but utter happiness. You made him the best man that he could be, and he destroyed that.

With a gut wrenching scream, Tom threw his phone with all his might, the device hitting the wall with a loud crack. It fell on the floor with a thump just as Tom fell on the bed with a broken sob, face buried in his hands, body trembling with cries.

You were right, Tom already made his choice a month ago, it just happened to be the wrong one, the most disgusting and horrible one. Now he has to suffer with the aftermath, and rightfully so, he deserves it, if not, even more.

Because the choices we make, no matter how little it may be, they will always have consequences, and those consequences you will have to deal with, even if it's bad, even if it hurts.

Tom made a choice, and now he has to live with the consequences.

-:-:-:-:-

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Tom H. Taglist: @spacebitch2 @hollanddolanfangirl @keepingupwiththehollands @hollandsamor

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wits-writing · 3 years

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What’s so Funny About Vengeance, the Night, and Batman? – Two Superhero Parodies in Conversation

Back in 2016, the first trailers for Director Chris McKay’s The Lego Batman Movie hit. A spinoff of the take on the iconic hero, voiced by Will Arnett, from 2014’s The Lego Movie. Those trailers spelled out a plot covering how Batman’s life of crimefighting is turned upside down when Robin unexpectedly enters the picture. It was a funny trailer, promising another insightful comedy from the crew behind The Lego Movie. A promise it handily delivered on when it came out in February 2017 with an animated feature steeped wall-to-wall jokes for the sake of mocking Bruce Wayne’s angst filled crusade that can only come from understanding what’s made the character withstand the test of time.

But there was a thought I and others had from seeing that trailer up to watching the actual movie:

“This seems… familiar.”

Holy Musical B@man! is a 2012 fan-made stage production parody of DC Comics’ biggest cash cow. It was produced as the fifth musical from YouTube-based cult phenomenon Starkid Productions, from a book by Matt and Nick Lang, music by Nick Gage and Scott Lamp with lyrics by Gage. The story of the musical details how Robin’s unexpected entrance ends up turning Batman’s (Joe Walker) life of crimefighting upside down. Among Starkids’ fandom derived projects in their early existence, as they’ve mainly moved on to well-received original material in recent years, Holy Musical B@man! is my personal favorite. I go back to it frequently, appreciating it as a fan of both superheroes and musicals. (Especially since good material that touches on both of those isn’t exactly easy to come by. Right, Spider-Man?)

While I glibly summarized the similarities between them by oversimplifying their plots, there’s a lot in the details, both major and minor, that separates how they explore themes like solitude, friendship, love, and what superhero stories mean. It’s something I’ve wanted to dig into for a while and I found a lot in both of them I hadn’t considered before by putting them in conversation. I definitely recommend watching both of them, because of how in-depth this piece goes including discussing their endings. However, nothing I can say will replace the experience of watching them and if I had included everything I could’ve commented on in both of them, this already massive piece would easily be twice as long minimum.

Up front, I want to say this isn’t about comparing The Lego Batman Movie and Holy Musical B@man in terms of quality. Not only are they shaped for vastly different mediums with different needs/expectations, animation versus stagecraft, but they also had different resources at their disposal. Even if both are in some ways riffing on the aesthetic of the 1990s Batman movies and the Adam West TV show, Lego Batman does it with the ability to make gorgeously animated frames packed to the brim with detail while Holy Musical often leans into its low-fi aesthetic of characters miming props and sets to add extra humor. They’re also for different audiences, Lego Batman clearly for all-ages while Holy Musical has the characters cursing for emphasis on a regular basis. On top of those factors, after picking through each of these for everything worth commenting on that I could find, I can’t say which I wholly prefer thanks in part to these fundamental differences.

This piece is more about digging through the details to explore the commonalities, differences, and what makes them effective mocking love letters to one of the biggest superheroes in existence.

(Also, since I’m going to be using the word “Batman” a lot, I’ll be calling Lego Batman just “Batman” and referring to the version from Holy Musical as “B@man”, with the exception of quoted dialogue.)

[Full Piece Under the Cut]

Setting the Tone

The beginning is, in fact, a very good place to start when discussing how these parodies frame their versions of the caped crusader. Each one uses a song about lavishing their respective Batmen with praise about how they are the best superheroes ever and play over sequences of the title hero kicking wholesale ass. A key distinction comes in who’s singing each song. Holy Musical B@man’s self-titled opening number is sung from the perspective of an omniscient narrator recounting B@man’s origin and later a chorus made up of the Gotham citizenry. Meanwhile, “Who’s the (Bat) Man” from Lego Batman is a brag-tacular song written by Batman about himself, even playing diegetically for all his villains to hear as he beats them up.

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Holy Musical opens on a quick recap of Batman’s origin:

“One shot, Two shots in the night and they’re gone And he’s all left alone He’s just one boy Two dead at his feet and their blood stains the street And there’s nothing, no there’s nothing he can do!”

We then get a Bat-dance break as the music goes from slow and moody to energetic to reflect Batman turning that tragedy into the driving force behind his one-man war on crime. Assured by the narrator that he’s “the baddest man that there’s ever been!” and “Now there’s nothing, no there’s nothing he can’t do!” flipping the last lyric of the first verse. For the rest of the opening scene the lyrics matter less than what’s happening to establish both this fan-parody’s version of Batman and how the people of Gotham (“he’ll never refuse ‘em”) view him.

Lego Batman skips the origin recap, and in general talks around the death of the Waynes to keep the light tone going since it’s still a kids movie about a popular toy even if there are deeper themes at play. Instead, it continues a trend The Lego Movie began for this version of the character writing music about how he’s an edgy, dark, awesome, cool guy. While that movie kept it to Batman angry-whiteboy-rapping about “Darkness! NO PARENTS!”, this one expands to more elaborate boasts in the song “Who’s the (Bat) Man” by Patrick Stump:

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“In the darkest night I make the bad guys fall There’s a million heroes But I’m the best of them all!”

Batman singing this song about himself, as opposed to having it sung by others aims the crosshairs of parody squarely on the hero’s ego. His abilities make fighting his villains effortless, like this opening battle is more an opportunity to perform the song than a life-or-death struggle. Even Joker’s aware of that as he shouts, “Stop him before he starts singing!” This Batman doesn’t see himself as missing out on anything in life, even if he still feels that deep down. Being Batman is the coolest thing in the world that anyone would envy. He’s Batman, therefore everyone should envy him.

The songs aren’t only part of the equation for how these two works’ opening scenes establish their leading hero. While both songs are about Batman being cool, they’re separated by the accompanying scenes. Lego Batman keep the opening within the Joker’s perspective until Batman shows up and the action kicks in. Once it does, we’re shown a Batman at the top of his solo-hero game. Meanwhile, Holy Musical’s opening is about B@man building his reputation and by the end of the song he has all the citizens of Gotham singing his praises with the titular lyrics. Both are about being in awe of the title hero, one framed by Joker’s frustration at Batman’s ease in foiling his schemes yet again and the other about the people of Gotham growing to love their city’s hero (probably against their better judgement.)

That’s woven into the fabric of what kind of schemes Batman is foiling in each of these. Joker’s plan to bomb Gotham with the help of every supervillain in Batman’s Rogues Gallery is hilariously high stakes and the type of plan most Batman stories, even parodies, would save for the climax. Neatly exemplified by how that’s almost the exact structure of Holy Musical’s final showdown. Starting with these stakes works as an extension of this Batman’s nature as a living children’s toy and therefore the embodiment of a child’s idea of what makes Batman cool, his ability to wipe the floor with anyone that gets in his way “because he’s Batman.” It also emphasizes Joker as the only member of the Rogues Gallery that matters to Lego Batman’s story, every other Bat-villain is either a purely visual cameo or only gets a couple lines maximum.

The crime’s being stopped by B@man are more in the “Year One” gangster/organized crime category rather than anything spectacle heavy. Though said crimes are comically exaggerated:

Gangster 1: Take these here drugs, put ‘em into them there guns, and then hand ‘em out to those gamblin’ prostitutes! Gangster 2: Should we really be doing these illegal activities? In a children’s hospital for orphans?

These fit into that model of crime the Dark Knight fights in his early days and add tiny humanizing moments between the crooks (“Oh, Matches! You make me laugh like nobody else!”) in turn making the arrival of B@man and the violence he deals out a stronger punchline. Further emphasized by the hero calling out the exact physical damage he does with each hit before warning them to never do crime again saying, “Support your families like the rest of us! Be born billionaires!” Later in the song his techniques get more extreme and violence more indiscriminate, as he uses his Bat-plane to patrol and gun down whoever he sees as a criminal, including a storeowner accidentally taking a single dollar from his own register. (“God’s not up here! Only Batman!”)

A commonality between these two openings is how Commissioner Jim Gordon gets portrayed. Both are hapless goofs at their core, playing more on the portrayal of the character in the 60s TV show and 90s Burton/Schumacher movies than the serious-minded character present in comics, Nolan’s Dark Knight Trilogy, and other adaptations. Lauren Lopez’s portrayal in Holy Musical gets overwhelmed by everything thrown at him, eventually giving up and getting out of B@man’s way (“I’m not gonna tell Batman what to do! He’s Batman!”) Hector Elizondo’s Gordon in Lego Batman clearly reached the “stay out of Batman’s way” point a long time ago, happy to have “the guy who flips on the Bat-signal” be his sole defining trait. While the characterizations are close, their roles do end up differing. Lopez’s Gordon sticks around to have a few more comedic scenes as the play goes on, where Elizondo’s exist to set up a contrast with his daughter Barbara and her way of approaching Batman when she becomes Police Commissioner.

These opening sequences both end in similar manners as well; the citizens of Gotham lavishing praise on their respective Batmen and a confrontation between Batman and the Joker. Praise from the citizenry in Holy Musical comes on the heels of a letter from B@man read out on the news about how much they and the city of Gotham suck. They praise B@man for his angsty nature as a “dark hero” and how they “wouldn’t want him any other way!”, establishing the motif of Gotham’s citizens in Holy Musical as stand-ins for the Batman fandom. Lego Batman uses the praise of the Gotham citizens after Batman’s victory in the opening scene as a lead in to contrast their certainty that Batman must have an exciting private life with the reality we’re shown. Which makes sense since Lego-Batman’s relationship to the people of Gotham is never presented as something at stake.

Greater contrast comes in how the confrontations with the Joker are handled, Lego Batman has an argument between the hero and villain that’s intentionally coded as relationship drama, Batman saying “There is no ‘us’” when Joker declares himself Batman’s greatest enemy. The confrontation in Holy Musical gets purposefully underplayed as an offstage encounter narrated to the audience as a Vicki Vale news report. This takes Joker off the board for the rest of the play in contrast to the Batman/Joker relationship drama that forms one of Lego Batman’s key pillars. While they take different forms, the respective citizenry praise and villain confrontation parts of these openings lead directly into the number one common thematic element between these Bat-parodies: Batman’s loneliness.

One is the Darkest, Saddest, Loneliest Number

Batman as an isolated hero forms one of the core tenants of the most popular understanding of the character. Each of these parodies picks at that beyond the broody posturing. There’s no dedicated segment in this piece about how these works’ versions of the title character function bleeds into every other aspect of them, but each starts from the idea of Batman as a man-child with trouble communicating his emotions. Time’s taken to give the audience a view of where their attitudes have left them early in the story.

Both heroes show their loneliness through interactions with their respective Alfreds. Holy Musical has the stalwart butler, played by Chris Allen, try to comfort B@man by asking if he has any friends he enjoys being around. When B@man cites Lucius Fox as a friend he calls him right away, only to discover Lucius Fox is Alfred’s true identity and Alfred Pennyworth was an elaborate ruse he came up with to protect Bruce on his father’s wishes. Ironically, finding out his closest friend was living a double life causes Bruce to push Alfred away (the play keeps referring to him as Alfred after this, so that’s what I’m going to do as well.) After he’s fired he immediately comes back in a new disguise as “O’Malley the Irish Butler” (same outfit he wore before but with a Party City Leprechaun hat.) That’s unfortunately the start of a running gag in Holy Musical that ends up at the worst joke in the play, when Alfred disguises himself as “Quon Li the Chinese Butler” doing an incredibly cringeworthy “substituting L’s for R’s” bit with his voice. It’s been my least favorite bit in the play since I first saw it in 2012 and legitimately makes me hesitate at times to recommend it. Even if it’s relatively small bit and the rest holds ups.

That disclaimer out of the way, that conversation between B@man and Alfred leads into the title hero reflecting on his sadness through the musical’s I Want Song, “Dark, Sad, Lonely Knight.” The song’s split into two halves, the first Alfred reflecting on whether he played a part in Bruce’s current condition and the second B@man longing for a connection. The song does a good job balancing between the sincerity over the hero’s sadness and getting good laughs out of it:

“Think of the children Next time you gun down the mama and papa Their only mama and papa Because they probably don’t have another mama and papa!”

The “I Want” portion of the song coming in the end with the repetition of the lryics “I want to be somebody’s buddy.”

Rather than another song number, Lego Batman covers Batman’s sadness through a pair of montages and visual humor. The first comes after the opening battle, where we see Batman taking off all his costume except for the mask hanging out alone in Wayne Manor, showing how little separation he puts between identities. Compared to Holy Musical where the equivalent scene is the first we see of Bruce without the mask on, which may come down to practicality since anyone who’s worn a mask like that knows they get hot and sweaty fast. Batman is constantly made to appear small among the giant empty rooms of his estate as he eats dinner, jams on his guitar, and watches romantic movies alone.

Ralph Fienne’s Alfred coming in at the end of this sequence witnessing Batman looking at a photo of himself as a boy with his parents for the last time. Alfred outlines Batman’s fear of being part of a family again only to be met with Batman denying he has any feelings ever. Pennyworth’s role as a surrogate father gets put into greater focus here than in Holy Musical, as we get glimpses of Alfred reading a book titled “How to Deal with Your Out-of-Control Child.” Also shown in smaller scenes of Alfred dealing with Batman’s insistent terminology for his crime fighting equipment, like calling his cowl an “armored face disguise.”

Batman’s denial of his pain contrasts how B@man wallows in it. Though he’s forced to confront it a little as the Joker’s plan ends up leaving him with no crimefighting to fall back on to ignore his issues. This montage gets set to the song “One” by Harry Nilsson and details Batman, unable to express his true feelings, eventually letting them out in the form of tempter tantrums. There’s also some humor through juxtaposition as Batman walks solemnly through the streets of Gotham City, rendered black and white, as the citizens chant “No more crime!” in celebration, while flipping over cars and firing guns into the air.

A disruption to their loneliness eventually comes in the form of a sensational character find.

Robin – The Son/BFF Wonder

Between both Bat-parodies, the two Robins’ characterizations are as close as anyone’s between them. Each is nominally Dick Grayson but are ultimately more representative of the idea of Robin as the original superhero sidekick and his influence on Batman’s life. The play and movie also both make the obvious jokes about Dick’s name and the classic Robin costume’s lack of pants at different points. Dick’s origin also gets sidestepped in each version to skip ahead to the part where he starts being an influence in Batman’s life.

Robin’s introduction to the comics in Detective Comics #38 in 1940, marking the start of Batman’s literal “Year Two” as a character, predating the introduction of Joker, Catwoman, and Alfred, among others. Making him Batman’s longest lasting ally in the character’s history. His presence and acrobatics shift the tone by adding a dash of swashbuckling to Batman’s adventures, inspired by the character’s namesake Robin Hood, though both parodies take a page out of Batman Forever and associate the name with the bird for the sake of a joke. Robin is as core to Batman as his origin, but more self-serious adaptations (i.e., the mainstream cinematic ones that were happening around the times both Holy Musical and Lego Batman came out) tend to avoid the character’s inclusion. These two works being parody, therefore anything but self-serious, give themselves permission to examine why Robin matters and how different characters react to his presence. Rejection of Robin as a character and concept comes out in some form in each of these works, from Batman himself in Lego Batman and the Gotham citizens in Holy Musical.

The chain of events that lead to Dick becoming Robin in Lego Batman are a string of consequences for Batman’s self-absorption. A scene of Bruce barely listening as Dick asks for advice on getting adopted escalating to absentmindedly signing the adoption paperwork. Batman doesn’t realize he has a son until after his sadness montage. Alfred forces Batman to start interacting with Dick against his will. The broody loner wanting nothing to do with the cheery kid, played to “golly gee gosh” perfection by Michael Cera, until he sees the utility of him. Batman doesn’t even have the idea to give Robin a costume or codename because he clearly views the sidekick’s presence as a temporary measure for breaking into Superman’s fortress, made clear by how he lists “expendable” as a quality Dick needs if he wants to go on a mission.

This makes Robin the catalyst for Batman’s shifting perspective throughout Lego Batman. When Robin succeeds in his first mission, the Dark Knight is hesitant to truly compliment him and chalks up his ward’s feats to “unbelievable obeying.” Other moments have Robin’s presence poke holes in Batman’s tough guy demeanor, like the first time Batman and Robin ride in the Bat-mobile together, Robin asks where the seatbelts are and Batman growls “Life doesn’t give you seatbelts!”, only for Batman to make a sudden stop causing Robin to hit his head on the windshield and Batman genuinely apologizes. They share more genuine moments together as the film goes, like Batman suggesting they beatbox together to keeps their spirits up after they’ve been imprisoned for breaking into Arkham Asylum. Robin’s representative of Batman gradually letting people in throughout these moments.

On the exact opposite end of the spectrum, B@man needs zero extra prompting to let Robin into his life. Nick Lang’s Robin (henceforth called “Rob!n” to keep with this arbitrary naming scheme I’ve concocted) does get brought into his life by Alfred thanks to a personal ad (“‘Dog for sale’? No… ‘Orphan for sale’! Even better!”) but it’s a short path to B@man deciding to let Dick fight alongside him. The briefest hesitance on the hero’s part, “To be Batman… is to be alone”, is quelled by Rob!n saying “We could be alone… together.” Their first scene together quickly establishing the absurd sincerity exemplified by this incarnation of the Dynamic Duo. An energy carried directly into the Act 1 closing number, “The Dynamic Duet”, a joyful ode between the heroes about how they’re “Long lost brothers who found each other” sung as they beat up supervillains (and the occasional random civilian.)

That song also ties into the contrast between the Batman/Robin dynamic and the B@man/Rob!n one. While Holy Musical is portraying a brotherly/BFF bond between the two heroes, Lego Batman leans into the surrogate son angle. While both are mainly about their stories’ Batman being able to connect with others, the son angle of Lego Batman adds an additional layer of “Batman needs to take responsibility for himself and others” and a parallel to Alfred as Batman’s own surrogate father. It also adds to the queer-coding of Batman in Lego Batman as Batman’s excuse to Robin for why he can go on missions is that Bruce and he are sharing custody, Robin even calling Batman’s dual identities “dads” before he knows the truth.

In the absence of the accepting personal responsibility through fatherhood element, the conflict Rob!n brings out in Holy Musical forms between B@man and the citizens of Gotham. “Citizens as stand-ins for fandom” is at it’s clearest here as the Act 2 opener is called “Robin Sucks!” featuring the citizens singing about how… well, you read the title. Their objections to Rob!n’s existence has nothing to do with what the young hero has done or failed to do, but come from arguments purely about the aesthetic of Rob!n fighting alongside B@man. Most blatantly shown by one of the citizens wearing a Heath Ledger Joker t-shirt saying Rob!n’s presence “ruins the gritty realism of a man who fights crime dressed as a bat.” It works as the Act 2 opener by establishing that B@man and the citizens conflicting opinions on his sidekick end up driving that half of the story, exemplified in B@man’s complete confusion about why people hate Rob!n (“Robin ruined Batman? But that’s not true… Robin make Batman happy.”)

Both Robins play into the internal conflict their respective mentors are going through, but what would a superhero story, even a parody, be without some colorful characters to provide that sweet external conflict.

Going Rogue

Both works have the threat comes from an army of villains assembled under a ringleader, Zach Galifianakis’s Joker in Lego Batman and Jeff Blim as Sweet Tooth in Holy Musical. Both lead the full ensemble of Batman’s classic (and not so classic) Rogues at different points. As mentioned before Joker starts Lego Batman with “assemble the Rogues, blow up Gotham” as his plan, while Sweet Tooth with his candy prop comedy becoming the ringleader of Gotham’s villains is a key turning point in Act 1 of the play. Part of this comes down to how their connections to their respective heroes and environments are framed, Sweet Tooth as a new player on the scene and Joker as Batman’s romantic foil.

Lego Batman demonstrates Batman and Joker are on “finishing each other’s sentences” levels of intimate that Batman refuses to acknowledge. Shown best in how Joker’s plan only works because he can predict exactly how Batman will act once he starts playing hard to get. When he surrenders the entire Rogues Gallery (without telling them) and himself to police custody, he describes it as him being “off the market.” He knows Batman won’t settle for things ending on these terms and tricks the hero into stealing Superman’s Phantom Zone projector so he can recruit a new, better team of villains for a take two of his masterplan from the start. Going through all this trouble to get Batman to say those three magic words; “I love hate you.” Joker as the significant other wanting his partner to finally reciprocate his feelings and commit works both as a play on how the Batman/Joker relationship often gets approached and an extension of the central theme. Batman is so closed off to interpersonal connections he can’t even properly hate his villains.

Sweet Tooth, while clearly being a riff Heath Ledger and Caesar Romero’s Jokers fused with a dash of Willy Wonka, doesn’t have that kind of connection with B@man. Though there are hints that B@man and his recently deceased Joker may have had one on that level. He laments “[Joker]’s in heaven with mom and dad. Making them laugh, I know it!” when recalling how the Clown Prince of Crime was the one person he enjoyed being around. This makes Joker’s death one of the key triggers to B@man reflecting on his solitude at the start of the play.

What Sweet Tooth provides the story is a threat to B@man’s new bond with Rob!n. Disrupting that connection forms the delicious center of the Candy King of Crime’s plan in Act 2. He holds Rob!n and Gotham’s people hostage and asks the citizens to decide via Facebook poll if the sidekick lives or dies (in reference to the infamous phone hotline vote from the comic book story A Death in the Family where readers could decide the Jason Todd Robin’s fate.)

With the rest of the villains under the leadership of the respective works’ main antagonists, there’s commentary on their perceived quality as threats. When Holy Musical has Superman talking to Green Lantern about how much B@man’s popularity frustrates him, he comes down especially hard on the Caped Crusader’s villains. Talking about how they all coast by on simple gimmicks with especially harsh attention given to Two Face’s being “the number two.” Saying they’re only famous because B@man screws up and they get to do more damage. Which he compares to his own relationship with his villains:

Superman: You ever heard of Mr. Mxyzptlk? Green Lantern: No. Superman: No, that’s right! That’s because I do my job!

Lego Batman has commentary on the other villains come from Joker, recognizing that even all together they can never beat Batman, because that’s how a Batman story goes. The other villains get portrayed as generally buffoonish, struggling to even build a couch together and described by Joker as “losers dressed in cosplay.” Tricking Batman into sending him to the Phantom Zone provides him the opportunity to gather villains from outside Batman’s mythos and outside DC Comics in general. Recruiting the likes of Sauron, King Kong, Daleks, Agent Smith from The Matrix, and the Wicked Witch of the West, among others. When I first saw and reviewed The Lego Batman Movie, this bugged me because it felt like a missed opportunity to feature lesser-known villains from other DC heroes’ Rogues Galleries. Now, considering the whole movie as meta-commentary on the status of this Batman as a children’s toy, it makes perfect sense that Joker would need to go outside of comics to break the rules of a typical Batman story and have a shot at winning.

The Rogues of Holy Musical get slightly more of a chance to shine, if only because their song “Rogues are We” is one of the catchier tracks from the play. They’re all still more cameo than character when all’s said and done, but Sweet Tooth entering the picture is about him recognizing their potential to operate as a unit, takeover Gotham, and kill B@man. The candy-pun flinging villain wants all of them together, no matter their perceived quality.

Sweet Tooth: “We need every villain in Gotham. Cool themes, lame themes, themes that don’t match their powers, even the villains that take their names from public domain stories.” (Two Face’s “broke ass” still being the exception.)

Both Joker and Sweet Tooth provide extensions of the shared theme of Batman dealing with the new connections in his life, especially with regards to Robin. However, Robin isn’t the only other ally (or potential ally) these Dark Knights have on their side.

Super Friends(?)

The internal crisis of these Caped Crusaders come as much from how they react to other heroic figures as it does from supervillainous machinations. In both cases how Batman views and is viewed by fellow heroes gets centered on a specific figure, Superman in Holy Musical and Commissioner Barbara Gordon (later Batgirl) in Lego Batman. Each serves a vastly different purpose in the larger picture of their stories and relationship to their respective Batmen. Superman reflecting B@man’s loneliness and Barbara symbolizing a new path forward for Batman’s hero work.

Superman’s role in Holy Musical runs more parallel to Lego Batman’s Joker than Barbara. Brian Holden’s performance as the Man of Tomorrow plays into a projected confidence covering anxiety that nobody likes him. Besting the Bat-plane in a race during B@man’s Key to the City ceremony establishes a one upmanship between the two heroes, like Joker’s description of his relationship with Batman at the end of Lego Batman’s opening battle. Though instead of that romantically coded relationship from Lego Batman, this relationship is more connected to childish jealousy. (But if you do want to read the former into Holy Musical B@man, neither hero has an onstage relationship with any woman and part of their eventual fight consist of spanking each other.)

B@man and Superman’s first real interaction is arguing over who’s the cooler hero until it degrades into yelling “Fuck you!” at each other. B@man storming off in the aftermath of that gets topped off by Superman suggesting he should get the Key to the City instead, citing his strength and longer tenure as a hero (“The first hero, by the way”) as justifications. This only results in the Gotham citizens turning on him for suggesting their city’s hero is anything less than the best, which serves both as a Sam Raimi Spider-Man reference (“You mess with one of us! You mess with all of us!”) and another example of the citizens as stand-ins for fandom. Superman’s veil of cocksureness comes off quickly after that and stays off for the rest of the play. Starting with his conversation with Green Lantern where a civilian comes across them, but barely acts like Superman’s there.

One of the play’s running gags is Superman calling B@man’s number and leaving messages, showing a desperation to reach out and connect with his fellow hero despite initial smugness. Even before the first phone call scene, we see Superman joining B@man to sing “I want to be somebody’s buddy” during “Dark, Sad, Lonely Knight” hinting at what’s to come. The note it consistently comes back to is that Superman’s jealousy stems from Batman’s popularity over him. This is a complete flip of what Lego Batman does with the glimpse at a Batman/Superman dynamic we see when Batman goes to the Superman’s fortress to steal the Phantom Zone projector. The rivalry dynamic there exists solely in Batman’s head, Lego-Superman quickly saying “I would crush you” when Batman suggests the idea of them fighting. Superman’s status among the other DC heroes is also night and day between these works. Where Lego-Superman’s only scene in the movie shows him hosting the Justice League Anniversary Party and explaining he “forgot” to invite Batman, Superman in Holy Musical consistently lies about having friends over (“All night long I’m busy partying with my friends at the Fortress… of Solitude.”)

Superman’s relationship to B@man in Holy Musical develops into larger antagonism thanks to lack of communication with B@man brushing off Supes’ invitations to hang out and fight bad guys (“Where were you for the Solomon Grundy thing? Ended up smaller than I thought, just a couple of cool guys. Me and… Solomon Grundy.”) His own loneliness gets put into stronger focus when he sees the news of Rob!n’s debut as a crimefighter, which makes him reflect on how he misses having Krypto the Super-Dog around. (The explanation for why he doesn’t have his dog anymore is one of my favorite jokes in the play and I won’t ruin it here.)

Where Superman’s a reflection of B@man’s loneliness, Rosario Dawson as Barbara in Lego Batman is a confrontation of Batman’s go it alone attitude. Her job in the story is to be the one poking holes in the foundation of Batman as an idea, starting with her speech at Jim Gordon’s retirement banquet and her instatement as commissioner. She has a by-the-book outlook on crimefighting with the omnicompetence to back it up, thanks to her training at “Harvard for Police.” Babs sees Batman’s current way of operating as ineffectual and wants him to be an official agent of the law. An idea that dumps a bucket of cold water on Batman’s crush he developed immediately upon seeing her, though that never fully goes away.

Her main point is that Batman “karate chopping poor people” hasn’t made Gotham better in his 80 years of operating. A contrast to Holy Musical’s Jim Gordon announcing that B@man has brought Gotham’s crime rates to an all-time low (“Still the highest in the world, but we’re working on it.”) She wants to see a Batman willing to work with other people. A hope dashed constantly dealing with his childish stubbornness as he tries to foil Joker’s schemes on his own, culminating in her arresting Batman and Robin for breaking into Arkham to send Joker to the Phantom Zone.

Barbara’s role as the one bringing grown-up attitudes and reality into Batman’s world does leave her in the role of comedic straight woman. Humor in her scenes comes from how she reacts to everyone else’s absurdity rather than anything she does to be funny. This works for the role she plays in Lego Batman, since she’s not there to have an arc the way Superman does in Holy Musical. She’s another catalyst for Batman’s to start letting people in as another character he grows to care about. Which starts after she lets the Dynamic Duo out of prison to fight Joker’s new army of Phantom Zone villains on the condition that he plays it by her rules. Leading to a stronger bond between Batman, Robin, Alfred, and her as they start working together.

The two Batmen’s relationships to other heroes, their villains, Robin, and their own solitude each culminate in their own way as their stories reach their conclusions.

Dark Knights & Dawning Realizations

As everything comes down to the final showdowns in these Bat-parodies, the two Caped Crusaders each confront their failures to be there for others and allow themselves to be vulnerable to someone they’ve been antagonizing throughout the story. Each climax has all of Gotham threatened by a bomb and the main villains’ plans coming to fruition only to come undone.

Holy Musical has Sweet Tooth’s kidnapping of Rob!n and forcing Gotham to choose themselves or the sidekick they hate sends B@man into his most exaggerated state in the entire play. It’s the classic superhero movie climax conundrum, duty as a hero versus personal attachment. Alfred, having revealed himself as the “other butlers”, even lampshades how these stories usually go only for that possibility to get shot down by Bruce:

Alfred: A true hero, Master Wayne, finds a way to choose both. B@man: You’re right, Alfred. I know what I have to do… Fuck Gotham, I’m saving Robin!

B@man’s selfishness effectively makes him the real villain of Holy Musical’s second act. Lego Batman has shades of that aspect as well, where Batman gets sent to the Phantom Zone by Joker for his repeated refusal to acknowledge their relationship. Where the AI running the interdimensional prison, Phyllis voiced by Ellie Kemper, confronts him with the way he’s treated Robin, Alfred, Barbara, and even Joker:

Phyllis: You’re not a traditional bad guy, but you’re not exactly a good guy either. You even abandoned your friends. Batman: No! I was trying to protect them! Phyllis: By pushing them away? Batman: Well… yeah. Phyllis: Are they really the ones you’re protecting?

Batman watches what’s happening back in Gotham and sees Robin emulate his grim and gritty tendencies to save the day in his absence makes him desperately scream, “Don’t do what I would do!” It’s the universe rubbing what a jerk he’s been in his face. He’s forced to take a look at himself and make a change. B@man’s not made to do that kind of self-reflection until after he’s defeated Sweet Tooth but failed to stop the villain’s bomb. He’s ready to give up on Gotham forever and leave with Rob!n, until his sidekick pulls up Sweet Tooth’s poll and it shows the unanimous result in favor of saving the Boy Wonder. Despite everything they said at the start of Act 2, the people want to help their hero in return for all the times he helped them. All of them calling back to the Raimi Spider-Man reference from Act 1, “You mess with one of us. You mess with all of us.”

Both heroes’ chance at redemption and self-improvement comes from opening themselves up to the people they pushed out and dismissed earlier in their stories. Batman takes on the role he reduced the Commissioner down to at the beginning of the movie and flips on signals for Barbara, Alfred, and Robin to show how he’s truly prepared to work as a team, not just with his friends and family but with the villains of Gotham the Joker pushed aside as well. Teamwork makes the dream work and they’re all able to work together to get Joker’s army back into the Phantom Zone but like in Holy Musical they fail to stop the bomb threatening Gotham. Which he can only prevent from destroying the city by confessing his true feeling to Joker

Batman: If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t have learned how connected I am with all of these people and you. So, if you help me save Gotham, you’ll help me save us. Joker: You just said “us?” Batman: Yeah, Batman and the Joker. So, what do you say? Joker: You had me at “shut up!”

The equivalent moment from Holy Musical comes from B@man needing to put aside his pride and encourage a disheartened Superman to save Gotham for him. This happens in the aftermath of a fight the two heroes had where Superman tried to stop B@man before he faced Sweet Tooth, B@man winning out through use of kryptonite. That fight doesn’t fit into any direct parallel with Lego Batman, but it is important context for how Superman’s feeling about B@man before Superman finally gets his long-awaited phone call from the Dark Knight. Also, the song accompanying the fight, “To Be a Man”, is one of the funniest scenes in the play. What this speech from B@man does is bring the idea of Holy Musical B@man as a commentary on fandom full circle:

B@man: I forgot what it means to be a superhero. But we’re really not that different, you and me, at our heart. I mean really all superheroes are pretty much the same… Something bad happened to us once when we were young, so we dedicated our whole lives to doing a little bit of good. That’s why we got into this crazy superhero business. Not to be the most popular, or even the most powerful. Because if that were the case, hell, you’d have the rest of us put out of a job!

This speech extends into an exchange between the heroes about how superheroes are cool, not despite anything superficially silly but because of it. Bringing it back to the “Robin Sucks!” theme that started Act 2, saying “Some people think Robin is stupid. But those people are pretentious douchebags. Because, literally, the only difference between Robin and me is our costumes.” The speech culminates in what I genuinely think is one of the best Batman lines ever written, as B@man’s final plea to Superman is “Where’s that man who’s faster than a gun?” calling back to the trauma that created Batman across all versions and what he can see in someone like Superman. So, B@man sacrificing his pride and fully trusting in another hero saves Gotham, the way Batman letting Joker know what their relationship means to him did in Lego Batman.

Each of these parodies ends by delivering a Batman willing to open himself up to a new team of heroes fighting at his side, the newly minted Bat-Family in Lego Batman and the league for justice known as the Super Friends in Holy Musical. Putting them side by side like this shows how creators don’t need the resources of a Hollywood studio to make something exactly as meaningful and how the best parodies come from love of the material no matter who’s behind them.

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