#toxic shame | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

furiousgoldfish · 3 months

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Living with abusive parents made me feel like I need to be productive every day, every moment, and that's the only way I can survive. If I stopped being productive, then I was not worthy of life anymore. It made me into this hyper-stressed individual who would feel bad just from not producing anything within few hours; I'd feel guilty, ashamed and not good enough if a whole day went by without me accomplishing anything.

This lead to me burning out from everything I was trying to achieve, it exhausted me, it brought me endless days of experiencing guilt and shame from being too tired and too stressed and anxious to make or do anything. It made me sick, and ashamed of being sick. It made me compare myself to everyone who accomplished more than me, feeling small and unable to compete. It made me dismiss everything I have done as 'not good enough' because it didn't bring me that feeling that I was now someone, that I had done something important, something I could be proud of. I was proud of nothing. Nothing was notable, nothing was exceptional.

I never stopped to ask myself, for what reasons was I doing this? It was assumed that of course, this constant 'doing something' would bring me somewhere, only I didn't know where, I didn't have a goal. I just knew I needed to keep working, keep producing, or else I would be bad. What was I working for? Who was benefiting from this? I didn't even know.

I was blindly following the path that eroded my mental health, my well-being, my sense of self-value and my time and energy. I was scrambling for seconds of feeling good about myself which should have been mine from the start. I should have been able to feel good while doing nothing, while resting, relaxing, enjoying, taking it slow, caring for my own health, my well being and my emotional stability. There was absolutely no reason in that high-stress environment for me to be producing anything! I just needed to survive, but the pressure put on me to be 'useful' and 'productive' was so huge, I couldn't even see anything else past it. I couldn't comprehend that I was allowed to feel good even if I did nothing, even if I was just focusing on what made me feel better.

It would take me a long time to realize that working only had a point if you were working towards a specific goal, and if you were able to set the conditions of the work so that it doesn't destroy your health and emotional well being on the way. If working isn't bringing you closer to your goal, it means you're being exploited. Other people are profiting from your constant productivity while you're not even aware of why you're doing it. If working is destroying your current life, it's not sustainable enough to bring you towards a goal. No goal is worth destroying yourself over. You have to live in order to be there for when your goal is achieved.

And you can feel okay about yourself every minute that you're not working towards your goal. Taking breaks and letting yourself recover from work has to be a part of the normal, otherwise it's a burnout waiting to happen. The goal will not run away while you're resting. Nothing bad can happen just because you're taking care of yourself and taking it slow. It will give you more stability and make sure you can keep doing what you're doing.

#perfectionism #illusion of productivity #anti hustle culture #being exploited #being forced to feel bad about not working or being productive #productivity #trauma #toxic guilt #toxic shame

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safe-haven-safe-place · 1 year

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#childhood trauma #complex post traumatic stress disorder #cptsd #cptsd coping #cptsd recovery #hypervigilance #inner critic #trust issues #dysfunctional household #shame #toxic shame #perfectionism #self abandonment #emotional flashbacks #disassociation

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ineedfairypee · 9 months

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B roll 🧻

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tryingtogetaway · 7 months

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as you grow into yourself as a young adult and leave your childhood home behind, it is crucial to remember that the way you were treated there is not necessarily representative of how others will treat you.

as children, we often believe our parents mirror what the world is like, and we begin to subconsciously understand their worldview and behaviors as commonplace and normal — as what everyone must be like. but if your home was not a safe place for you (whether that be physically and/or emotionally), it is imperative that you unlearn that way of thinking.

it was your parents who treated you cruelly, not the world.

it was your parents who made you feel like shame would always be your most powerful emotion, not the world.

it was your parents who never loved you the way you deserved to be loved, not the world.

this world and the people in it are so much kinder and gentler than you were made to believe as a scared, lonely child hiding in your bedroom. allow yourself to accept that kindness without shying away from it for fear that you don’t deserve it, for fear that you didn’t earn it. you don’t need to earn love — you never did. and you have always deserved it.

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traumatizedjaguar · 7 months

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Something was broken from the start.

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newhologram · 1 year

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Shame returns often, but I don’t just lock her out in the rain.

I bring her inside, dry her off, make some tea. She’s smaller looking when wrapped up in a blanket. She usually sits in silence for a while before weeping happens. Each expression of self-hatred, rejection, isolation, heartbreak manifests differently. Sometimes Shame cries for hours, sometimes she shouts.

It’s the same simple reminder every time: No one else’s shame is yours. It doesn’t belong to you.

When she understands, she nods and drinks the tea while her face is still wet from rain and tears.

Shame has only really begun to quiet recently. But even when she’s not banging on the door, I can still hear her crying. Unable to say what she needs, not even knowing what she needs, she just cries.

Purging Shame often means being witness to her spirals and helping her see things differently.

She’s so little. Too little to understand this human life. But not too little to feel this pain. Be careful not to shame Shame. She didn’t ask to be born; she’s the result of you surviving whatever/whoever drilled a sense of shame (for no wrongdoings) into you.

When you’re able to, or have the support to, it’s worth it to give her a spot by the fireplace even if you don’t make any progress that day.

#toxic shame #shame identity #abuse survivor #childhood trauma #trauma recovery #teku

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moonlit-positivity · 4 months

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I am enough. Even when I'm pissed off, upset, and not coping very well. I am always enough.

#recovery #ptsd #trauma #boundaries #mental health #healing #bpd #anger #rage #shame #toxic shame #self love #self esteem #advice #encouragement #reminders #soft reminders #trauma positivity #affirmations

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healingchildhoodtrauma · 6 months

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#inner child healing #reparenting #childhood trauma #healing from abuse #narcissistic abuse #dysfunctional family #childhood emotional neglect #remothering #emotional intelligence #narcissistic family #toxic shame #shame programming

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bullet-ant · 7 months

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i still think about this comment i found daily

DO NOT ACCEPT THE SHAME OTHERS WISH YOU TO FEEL. Don't give anyone else that power over you anymore.

#course its easier said than done but its a start #its really been helping me rationalize my irrational shame #avpd #talk #avoidant personality disorder #social anxiety #social phobia #shame #toxic shame

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xiexiecaptain · 8 months

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Fun fact I've learned through therapy:

The regions of your brain involved in and the neural processes occurring in response to shame, rejection, and other social-emotional pain are extremely similar to those in response to physical pain.

[Source 1] [Source 2] [Source 3]

Obviously they're not identical when you get into the granular patterns.

The point is that the brain's overall neural response and the areas engaged activate the same fight/flight/freeze/fawn to something it identifies as danger similarly, regardless of if the source of said danger is physical pain or social pain/social rejection. Your brain sees that kind of pain as just as dangerous as physical pain. Therefore the neurological and behavioral trauma response patterns engaged follow similarly.

Stop minimizing your trauma, folks.

#trauma #toxic shame #emotional trauma #attachment trauma #therapy #trauma recovery #brain chemistry #original post

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hummingbirdbae · 3 months

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The moment you realize that seeking validation and caring about what people think of you is what really ruined you to the core.

#toxic shame #self love #spirituality #self development #self care #stop seeking validation outside yourself

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furiousgoldfish · 6 months

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I'm curious, did anyone else have this experience as a kid, of waiting to find the person who wouldn't hate you? Like yeah, your parents acted like you're a waste of space, but you were sure that deep inside there was something more to you, and one day someone would realize that and care for who you really are. And you kept trying to reach out, outside of the home, to find someone who would get you.

And then eventually you found someone you connected to on a deep level and who you felt intensely bonded with, who seemed to accept you and want you for something at last. And when this person suddenly changed their mind and also decided that you were not worth a second glance, it broke something inside of you?

Like you were able to keep resilient against all the abuse if there was one person who was on your side and saw something good in you, but if even that one special person decided you were worthless, then your resilience broke and you couldn't find it in yourself to doubt what everyone around you thought of you, that you were nothing, bad, poisonous, evil.

I keep carrying this shame in me and still trying to prove to myself and to the world that it is not true, but I've never gotten over that intense rejection and reactions of disgust on me being vulnerable, hurt, or wanting to be close. Even if I don't feel it when I'm alone, next to other people I only wait for the moment they'll decide that I'm not worth a second of their time, and that I'm in fact, repulsive in every possible way. Did anyone recover from this?

#toxic shame #toxic guilt #trying to get over emotional abuse #child abuse #abusive parents #overwhelming shame #anxiety around people #social anxiety caused by intense rejection of the entire environment as a kid

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avoidantrecovery · 2 months

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youtube

Self-compassion: An Antidote to Shame

#media i shared #self compassion #shame #toxic shame #cptsd #complex ptsd #trauma #anxiety #Youtube

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aussie-the-hedgehog · 3 months

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Okay, I think I need to do this for myself.

I've been rewatching MHA to gear up for season 7. However, it seems I'm also watching to prove something to myself.

It's been nearly a year, and I still greatly struggle with shame of having Ochako as my favorite character. I realize this is a drawn out topic on this blog, but I must air this grievance for the good of my mental sanity.

I feel whenever I'm on Twitter, I see many brutally slander her character. I see criticisms that she has no use in the show. I have witnessed posts circled with threats concerning the topic. It is making me further question why I enjoy the character as much as I do.

To be frank, I care A LOT about what people think - honestly to a fault. I was verbally bullied as a kid for how I looked (I had buck teeth, glasses, and social struggles due to sensory disorders and autism). I struggled to fit in through my elementary and middle school days. I was labeled as "weird" and "a teacher's pet" just to name a couple. I always felt compelled to prove myself to fit in with the kids of my classes.

I also was made fun of for being a Dallas Cowboys fan. Granted, I live an hour away from Philadelphia, but I was picked on quite a bit for liking them.

One day after school in fourth grade, I was on a bus heading to a rec center for after care. The Cowboys were playing the Eagles the ensuing Sunday. If you know anything about the NFL, these two are bitter rivals. They absolutely hate each other. The bus driver was aware I liked the Cowboys. He decided to start a chant on the bus ride, "Dallas sucks!" all the way there to the rec center. All the kids jumped in without hesitation.

I was horrified. I broke down crying. I felt like in that one moment the world was against me. There was a kid sitting next to me who tried to comfort me by saying he's on my side rooting for Dallas. I appreciated his support, but in that moment I just wanted to get off the bus.

When I got off, my mom was waiting and saw me in tears. She scolded the driver for making me cry over a football game. The bus driver was fired the next day.

I will admit I have come to terms with the teams I like (it helps the Cowboys are a meme), but it's still difficult being honest with the things I enjoy. This is especially the case when it comes to the hopeful, compassionate trope in shows.

I look on social media sites such as Twitter. I see all these vitriolic comments directed toward those who enjoy Ochako for no reason. I feel I've been indirectly abused because I am a part of her fandom.

I've said this before, and I'll say it again - she follows the trope I like. She's the glue that keeps the group together. She's loving and kind to everyone she meets. I honestly see her as an honest to goodness daughter. You can call it weird if you want, but it's how I feel.

Now, you can look at all of this and conclude I shouldn't be on Twitter. That is totally fair. I do need to limit my time on social media. However, this remains discouraging in my life. I started watching MHA last February and this issue STILL remains. I'm ashamed for enjoying something morally okay since the fandom is extremely harsh concerning her.

I feel it has to do with my past in being criticized for what I enjoy and seeing the fandom crush anyone who likes the character. Both have come together in such overwhelming ways.

Another factor is one I've mentioned before. I am a guy and should be liking more masculine things. In no way should I be interested in female characters or how they give hope in dire predicaments. Yet, it's something I find admirable because that's just what I like. I have to be alright with that.

In no way am I victimizing myself. This is a grievance I've had to get out. The toxicity from the fandom and my own negative thinking have gotten to my head for me to at least put my fingers to the keyboard. Writing is a cathartic practice for me. Crafting pieces like this is extremely healthy for me.

There isn't much more to be said about why I like Ochako Uraraka. I've made several posts why. You can look at those if you're so inclined. All in all, I hope one day I can be confident in why I enjoy characters like her and not feel a need to care about what others think.

Thanks for coming to my TED talk.

#aussie vents #mental health #mha #bnha #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #ochako uraraka #uraraka ochako #uravity #ochaco uraraka #verbal abuse #sensory issues #autism #toxic shame

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tryingtogetaway · 9 months

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I love not feeling afraid. I love being able to linger.

Brandon Sanderson, Yumi and the Nightmare Painter

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lookingatmyself · 10 months

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COMPLEX PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving Pete Walker

#toxic shame #cptsd #Pete walker

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