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riality-check · 1 year

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This is not how Wayne was expecting to come home from work.

He had expected, as usual, that Eddie would be asleep, and he’d be free to watch the 5:00 AM news. He’d have a bowl of cereal for dinner (or was it breakfast at that point?), and then he’d be out like a light while Eddie did whatever it was he did before noon. Usually, that was sleep.

The exact opposite of what Wayne was expecting is happening right now.

He didn’t even get his keys out of his pocket before Eddie whips the door open. He looks a mess: hair tied back loosely, pajamas off kilter, panic mixed with exhaustion on his face.

“Oh, thank Christ,” he croaks. “Wayne, I need your help. I have no idea what to do.”

Wayne can count on one hand the number of times he’s seen Eddie panic like this. He shoulders past him into the trailer and is greeted with the sight of Steve Harrington standing in the middle of his living room.

“What on God’s green earth,” he murmurs. He blinks, then blinks again, but Harrington is still there, in pajamas, the tire iron Eddie still keeps under his bed in his hands. He’s breathing real heavy, and he stares out the window, stock-still.

“The hell happened?” Wayne asks, keeping his voice low.

“I don’t know,” Eddie whispers desperately. “I don’t know what happened, but he got up and grabbed the iron and just stood here-”

“How long?”

“Ten minutes, maybe.”

Wayne doesn’t like where this is going. “Has he responded to you at all?”

“No-”

Shit.

“-but I can try again?”

Wayne eyes the white-knuckled grip Harrington has on the tire iron. He’s ready to swing, and Wayne knows he’ll swing hard if given the chance.

No way he’s risking Eddie. No way he’s risking Harrington. Wayne doesn’t know him well, only met him a few times in passing, but he knows he’d never forgive himself if he hurt Eddie.

“No. Don’t try again.”

“I’m not leaving him.”

“Didn’t ask you to. All I’m saying is don’t go near.”

Eddie is very good at following instructions to the letter and to the letter only, much to Wayne’s fond annoyance. So, he doesn’t go near.

Instead, he says, voice strangely soft, “Stevie, sweetheart.”

Harrington doesn’t respond, but he turns a little in the direction of Eddie’s voice. Wayne takes that as a good sign, even if he can see the tension on his face now.

“Will you come back to sleep? Please?” Wayne hates hearing Eddie’s voice crack the way it is right now.

Harrington faces them a little better, and Wayne sees what he was expecting.

He’s staring through them, not at them. Wherever Harrington is, it sure ain’t here.

“I don’t know how much that’s gonna help, Eddie. He’s having-”

“I know he’s having a flashback, Wayne!” Eddie snaps. “I’m not stupid. It’s usually just not this bad, and I don’t know how to fix it.”

“Alright,” Wayne says because snapping back won’t help anyone. That and because he’s trying to process the fact that Eddie has had to deal with this before. “Let me try.”

He takes a few steps toward Harrington, keeping his hands up and his movements slow.

“Harrington,” he calls, keeping his tone light. “You’re at Eddie’s place right now. It’s almost five AM on a Friday night.”

Harrington blinks, and it looks like his eyes are coming back into focus.

“You’re safe right now. Eddie’s safe right now.”

Harrington shakes his head and lifts the tire iron a little higher. Christ, his arms must be aching by now. “No. I saw the lights flicker, and I heard a thud outside, and it got cold.”

“Stevie, the gate’s closed,” Eddie pleads. “You saw it happen. Nothing got out. You’re safe.”

Wayne doesn’t know what any of that means, but even though it was supposed to reassure Harrington, he just shakes his head again.

He hears Eddie sigh behind him, and he knows without turning around that he’s trying not to cry.

Guess he’s gotta try something different, then. “You just wake up?”

Harrington blinks, and for a minute, Wayne thinks this won’t get them anywhere. But then he whispers, just loud enough to be heard, “Yeah.”

“Okay. I just got off work.”

Harrington stares at him, confused.

“So, I think I’m a little more awake than you. I’ll take what you’ve got in your hands, and I can stay up.”

Harrington shakes his head. “It’s fine. I stay up most of the time when I’m alone.”

Alone. Wayne knows from experience, both personal and witnessing this shit, that alone is the last thing anyone should be when they’re having a flashback. Harrington says it like it’s the only thing he’s ever known.

He dismisses his questions - why is Harrington having flashbacks, why is he alone - and focuses on getting him to put down the tire iron and go to bed.

“You’re not alone this time,” Wayne says. “You’ve got Eddie here, too, and I think both of you would feel better if you were together.”

Harrington looks over Wayne’s shoulder. Wayne doesn’t turn around, but he can imagine the pleading look on Eddie’s face just fine.

Wayne holds out his hands for the tire iron, and after a minute, or maybe a month, Harrington sets it there. Immediately, he looks lighter and heavier.

Eddie walks up next to Wayne and murmurs, “Come on, sugar.”

Harrington goes to him and just rests his head on his shoulder. Eddie holds him there, just standing in the middle of the living room, sunrise just starting to peek in through the windows.

Thank you, he mouths to Wayne.

Wayne nods, but he’s got a hell of a lot more questions than answers - what the hell brought this on, what exactly is Harrington to Eddie. That can wait for morning, though.

For now, he just hopes Harrington will be okay by then.

No, not Harrington. Steve.

After something like this, Wayne has learned, you start using first names.

#stranger things #stranger things fic #steve harrington #eddie munson #wayne munson #steddie #(from an outside pov)#angst #hurt/comfort #flashbacks #idk what this is #it's the night before midterms #i've had a shit week #bon appetit #this is old btw i promise i wasn't THAT irresponsible #to write new fic the night before a midterm #ria writes

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oodlesodoodles · 8 months

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I couldnt finish. Got too sad.

#Disco elysium #So at first i didnt have an idea for an end panel that was kinda cheesey looking and so i was just going to leave it #But then i was like what even is this? Is it a declaration of despair? Is it some kind of masturbation? Is it fake doom tourism?#So i wasnt going to post it. It just felt cruel and inappropriate #But then i was like if even a fictional bombing serves a purpose at all its to radicalize the youth #Thats annette at the end btw. Besides the lorry drivers shes probably the only one not there at the time #Its a declaration of despair btw #Im so sad #Oh fuck i forgot to tag #Hanging #Death #Flashbacks

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maximumkillshot · 4 months

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I Can't Lose You-Part 11

Warnings: Triggering memories of the miscarriage, Some is grabbing, shoving, graphic violent thoughts, Cursing, Bin Loses It, threats, Bin hurts himself unintentionally oh yeah and Han loses it too

Pairing: BangChan x Reader?

Characters: Bin, Soo 😒, Han, Stray Kids, Chan is mentioned quite a bit.

A/N: Happy Birthday @galamxy and I am so sorry to everyone in advanced. This one is gonna hurt, but... BUT I am letting you know ahead of time

I Can't Lose You Masterlist-CLICK HERE

Stray Kids Masterlist-CLICK HERE

ALL WORK IS UNDER ME AND MY BLOG. DO NOT TRY TO REPUBLISH OR STEAL MY WORK, AS THAT IS COPYRIGHTED UNDER ME AND IS CONSIDERED COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT WHICH IS A PUNISHABLE OFFENSE.

ANY WORK THAT YOU SEE ON OTHER SITES THAT ARE MY WORKS PLEASE NOTIFY ME IMMEDIATELY.

Previously: “He won’t… too much respect… I however,” I stated very matter-of-factly, “Have a very hard line, Soo. I don’t touch women in any violent way ever… But if anyone messes with my family and with whe people I love? All of a sudden gender is irrelevant… So the next time you speak, I recommend you speak with that in mind.” I saw the blood drain from her face, I felt a new level of base in my voice. The anger is starting to reach a level I can’t control. Minho added on with “Usually I’d have too much respect. That was before what you said about Y/N. About her losing the baby being a good thing. That it’d make the divorce less messy…” My eyes went wide as my heart dropped on the floor, shattered. When did this happen? How did this happen? I looked away from Soo for the first time, “I don’t think I heard you correctly… She said WHAT?”

Now:

I can’t believe that this came out of her mouth. Given I never would’ve expected this type of behavior from her either but here we are. I looked at Minho’s face and I could tell he wasn’t lying. I looked at Hannie who was sitting on my opposite side and his face said the same.

If I wasn’t sitting I would have probably collapsed. I went from a relaxed position to leaning forward, cracking my neck as I tried to contain my rage. I wiped my hands down my face, Changbin, calm down, I told myself. I went back to what Seungmin told me, “You promised her you were coming back.”

I heard Hannie say… “Wait.”

When I looked at him, his mouth was open in utter disbelief, “You knew…” he said to Soo… When I looked back at Soo all I saw was a smile creeping onto her face, “You knew they were trying to conceive?! When Chan told you, there was no gasp of shock, no condolences… even now… You’re smiling because you knew…”

Soo smiled saying, “How do you think Chris and I started talking in the first place? It was clear she was broken, now the outside matches the inside. Maybe this will be a warning for you.” She looked at me, “She’s damaged goods, don’t you want to know what it’s like to be a dad?” How dare she. I looked at Han as he stared daggers at her. Hannie is not known for becoming angry, but he looks enraged at what Soo just said. I looked back to Soo.

I looked into her eyes as I wondered what she meant by that. ‘She’s damaged goods, don’t you want to know what it’s like to be a dad?’ I’ve never been good at hiding my fondness for Angel, that’s for sure, but I don’t know where she’s getting at. Angel has only had eyes for Chan, her person… hurt my person.

I don’t know why she would throw something like her fertility at me like it’s some deal breaker. It isn’t. I could live in a shack with nothing except Y/N and I would be the richest man on the planet. Children would be nice, but if it meant giving her up, I don’t need kids, I need her. This is all hypothetical of course.

I was sure she could feel the tension shift as I could feel my face contort from the rage, “So not only are you so fucking desperate that you’ll cheat with your best friend’s husband. Not only will you cheat knowing they were trying to conceive, but when they finally do conceive, after TWO YEARS you say that it was a good thing that child died because it would make the divorce less messy?!” I've never felt this level of rage. It was almost accusatory the way she threw Y/N’s fertility. Like because she didn’t get pregnant, that’s why they cheated.

I am feeling so many levels of disdain, hurt, and disbelief. How could anyone say that about anyone else? It is unfathomable to me how someone could hurt someone else like this. How someone could think that let alone voice it. That takes it to a different level of disgust for me.

Han sighed as he said, “And you sit there, almost blaming Y/N for your sins? For Chris’ sins? You don’t know anything about what she’s been through. Constantly waiting for Chris, him making her feel like an afterthought,” Han added on, “telling her he has no time for her, that he has more important things to do. One of us,” He pointed to himself and me, “One of us slept in the same bed as her every night because she’d cry to sleep on her own. You know what? We’d do it again. All of it. Because she is worth that and more.” I could feel Han vibrating with emotion. I can tell I’m not the only one that is feeling this.

I tacked on, “Meanwhile he’s cheating with you,” I scoffed, “Talk about trading in a diamond for a piece of glass. You are the lowest of the low. She isn’t broken. You two are!” I took a breath, “I don’t know what to do with what you’ve done. I’m hurt and angry, and I’m not even the one who was cheated on!” I barked at her.

The images of me doing things I didn’t want to do started flashing in my head. She isn’t a woman anymore, hell, she isn’t even a person. I could see myself grabbing it by the throat, picking it up, throwing it across the room, and punching, and screaming while I did it. Using its face as a punching bag. I can’t… As much as I want to, I can't. A sinister, yet just voice playing right next to Seungmin's in my mind, It’s right there in front of you. You’re in pain, agony even… Take it out on one of the people that caused it. No one would blame you. Meanwhile, Seungmin’s voice is still playing, “Don’t make her lose you too.”

I almost lunged out of my chair before I caught myself. Instead of getting up and doing what I wanted, I screamed, “HOW?! How did she find any humanity in you!? A child died, an innocent child who did nothing wrong…died. Gone, will never have the chance to breathe. Somehow, you view it as a good thing?! THEN YOU COME HERE!!” I could feel every cell in my body burning, trying to just reach across and… “ YOU COME HERE, TRYING TO ACT LIKE YOU’RE HER FRIEND?!”

I looked at her as I grabbed her shirt, I got up dragging her to her feet along with me, “You want to know what I’m thinking right now?” I smiled at her. This felt good. Seeing her realize just how much danger she is in. She thought I wouldn’t move. Like I said before, I don’t discriminate when it comes to protecting my own.

I could see the tears start to form in her eyes as I vaguely heard Han, “Hyung? Bin!”

“I am thinking about how easy it would be to turn your face into a fucking suggestion, make the outside match the inside. Disgusting, putrid, worthless, bloody… Han and Minho are strong, but not strong enough or fast enough to stop me from crushing your windpipe with one hand.” I grabbed the back of her neck, squeezing enough to make it known.

She yelped as I continued, “It wouldn’t be hard for me. I lift twice your weight for fun.” I laughed, “No one’s here to save you. Especially not your shitty boyfriend… He’s nursing a broken nose at home…”

I felt her body tense, “I don’t want to stop at a broken nose for you…” I chuckled. “I want to send a message so badly. I want to put you in the ICU,” I seethed just inches from her face.“I was happy you stood away but now you DARE walk into here. Demanding to see her, after you say something so vile, so…”

I could feel Han trying to loosen my grip, I was barely registering anything except her deer-in-the-headlights stare, “Now that you tried to come here when I wasn’t here, trying to capitalize,” I saw that same smirk playing at her lip. “I was going to let you go if I ever saw you again… Now..” I could feel my chest heaving as I said, “Now I want to make it clear to YOU and CHRIS… you come near her… I’ll kill you… I meant it when I said it to him, looks like he needs a reminder. You’ll have to pay for both sins.” She started yelping as I screamed, “SHUT YOUR MOUTH. You have no RIGHT, no SHAME…” I don’t recognize my voice, it’s so heavy, leering… They turned you into this. Show them.

I heard Minho, “Changbin-ah I know…I want to hurt her too, I want it so badly but we can’t… We aren’t them, Bin.” I shrugged him off as I dragged her to the nearest wall and shoved her against it.

I threw my fist at the wall right next to her head. I felt it vibrate with the hit, “You have no idea what I want to do to you right now. It is taking everything in me not to destroy you.” She was whimpering as she cried, trying to look away from me. “The pain that I want to put you through is nothing compared to what Y/N is going through. Look at you, a coward that can’t even look me in the eye. She is more than you could ever be.”

I could feel myself wanting to pick my fist back up and land it on her face so badly. I have never wanted to hurt anyone, until now. The disrespect, the pain, and the absolute lack of empathy make me want to tear her apart. I have been holding in so much pain and agony for so long that I feel like I’m going crazy. I need someone to take it out on. Who better than one of the people who stabbed Y/N in the back? Who else is more deserving than one of the people who killed her child? This makes sense, call it karmic justice. Even breathing just thinking about it feels better.

I can vaguely hear Hannie… Not like I really can hear much of anything aside from Soo’s pathetic whimpers. For someone so brazen to be this cowering mess, all for seeing me like this. I felt my features soften at that as I smirked at her, even chuckling slightly at the fact that for some reason she decided coming down here was a good idea. If anything this is Darwinism at work, right? A part of me thinks so, at the very least.

If I were to fully embrace this… the impending feeling I knew would cause goosebumps at the relief. Seungmin’s in my head again, “Y/N deserves everything we got.” This mental tug of war makes me feel like I am being torn in half, I just want to cause pain. I want Soo to hurt. I made my decision, Get your relief… It’s not a person…

As I went to shift my weight, I heard “Binnie?”.... Y/N?

I could hear her coming from a phone. That once melodic voice quaking. She was reaching for me. Begging me by only saying my name. My whole body froze, and my vision stopped narrowing, hearing her. “Binnie? Hannie, where's Binnie?” I heard her say again. She sounds so scared. I could tell she had been crying, she needed me. I can’t do this to her.

I saw Han come into my peripheral, his phone in his hand.

“He’s right here Anya... Binnie’s right here.” Hannie’s voice is so stiff, he’s never afraid of me. I hate it when people are afraid of me. When my eyes flicked to Han I could see the fear. He put his hand on my arm that I was holding Soo’s shirt with. That touch helped me ground myself and see things from a different perspective.

“Why is Binnie not talking Hannie? Did I do something wrong?” I heard her, loud and clear as I tried to gain control of my body again. I wanted to scream,

“No, it’s not your fault, Angel. No, I am just… I’m hurting, Love. I’m hurting so fucking bad and I don’t know where to place it. I only ever went to Channie Hyung when I was in pain. I don’t know what to do knowing he was the one that caused it, Angel. He hurt you, I trusted him to take care of you, you’re my heart… When you cry, I cry; when you hurt, I hurt. You could never do something to warrant me not talking to you. You have never done anything wrong, I love you so much,” My mouth isn’t working as the memories flash. My chest wants to cave in.

“No nothing’s wrong, Anya. Binnie is just listening to your voice, is that okay?” Han asked so gently. How is he so gentle right now? The woman in front of me is one-half of the reason Y/N is here. She’s in my hands right now. The screams replay in my head as I look at Soo, If she knew she never would’ve come here, I’m lying to myself now as my grip tightens on her.

“Yeah, is Binnie coming back? He promised he would,” I heard her ask. Of course, I’m coming back. She’s my home, how could I leave her? Especially like this. Soo isn’t worth it, and neither is Chan, but I want them to pay. I felt my hand throb against the wall. Feeling the texture as it stands against my fist take some of the haze away. Pleading to Y/N in my head, “I want them to pay, pleeease let me make them pay. Let me make sure they’ll stay away, Angel. I need to protect you, you’re the only part of me that matters.” “Hannie I want my Binnie I’m scared,” I heard her so clearly, I could even hear the sniffles that she would allow to escape every once in a while. I could feel myself at war with what I wanted and what was right. I want to kill Soo, but killing is wrong. So I was stuck there with the love of my life practically begging me to choose her over what I wanted to do. I was trying so hard to open my mouth and try to sound strong but I was three seconds from collapsing. I’m scared too, Angel. I’m terrified. I can’t lose you. I won’t survive it. I’m not me without you.

“M’here Angel. I’ll..” my voice betrayed me. I cleared my throat, “I’ll be there in a minute. I’ll see you soon,” I felt tears brimming in my eyes as I looked at Soo. I could see the shock on her face, that has to be enough for me.

At the end of it all, hurting Soo would do nothing. It won't get Y/N anywhere. The pain, the suffering, it's all still going to be there, only she'll have to face it all without me. I can't do that to her. It's not fair, what happened to her. I have to let Soo go, to protect my Angel. That is more than doable.

Hannie hung up the phone and I looked at Soo as I said, “You aren’t worth any ounce of effort anyone puts towards you. You are a nerveless little leech that sucked the life and kindness out of someone I love very much. You tell Chris what you saw here today. You tell him every detail… Especially this… If you or Chris ever try to come near her uninvited… I will not be this kind again… Do you understand me?”

She nodded violently as I released my grasp on her shirt, instead shoving her by her shoulder to Han, almost knocking both of them down in the process as I said, “Han, get her out of here before I change my mind.” I faced the wall as I tried to breathe. I have never wanted to kill someone more than just now. I’m scared, relieved, and also guilty.

Just the fact that I was so close to possibly losing Y/N again while I was gone, shot through me like lightning in that car. Now I’m here and the threat’s gone. The original one is. That was relieving, but now I am so guilty.

If Y/N saw me like this, she would’ve been disappointed. Is that the kind of man I am?

As soon as I register the door closing my knees hit the concrete and I’m blinded by my tears. Who am I? Soo was so scared… and I liked it? I wanted more of it. I wanted her to feel the fear Y/N felt. The pain she feels. Y/N would never want that for anyone. I almost caused her more pain. For what? To satiate my own need?

“What kind of man am I?” I asked no one in particular as I felt the rage ebbing into whispers, staring at my hands, one already developing bruises from how hard I punched the wall, the other aching from how tight my grip was on Soo’s shirt. An image flashed of when Y/N went limp in my arms, her screams louder than the last time. My shoulders shook with the sobs that left me then.

I felt a gentle hand on my shoulder as I heard Minho speaking softly, “You are the type of man that would do anything for the woman he loves. You’re the type that takes her pain as your own.”

I turned to Minho and said, “Hyung, I don’t know what to do. I can’t take it away.” my tears started running down my face. All I heard was Minho saying, ‘I got you’ and I let go collapsing on him.

Minho said right into my ear, “You are a loving, caring person, Changbin. You trusted a person with your own heart and they destroyed it. It’s natural to want blood, Bin. You just proved to yourself that love is more important than revenge. You, Seo Changbin, are the type of man that is rarest of all.” I continued to cry as I held onto Minho, “You are unapologetically you. You live with your heart on your sleeve and you give without asking for anything.” “I can hear it all… Every time I hear her screams, I feel her go limp in my arms, I see the blood,” I gulped in the air, “I wa-want to make it better, Hyung. Why can’t I take it from her?” I asked.

I felt Minho quivering as he sniffled himself, “No one can, I’m sorry Changbin-ah.” I knew that answer. Logically I knew it. “But what you can do..” I looked at him, “You can show her, that loving a person is unconditional. It is as simple as breathing. You show her, that no matter what she can or can’t give you, you’ll be there. Not because you have to, but because you want to.”

I nodded as I tried to stop the tears with Minho saying periodically, “Take your time… Breathe, you’re okay. You’re good.” I was mumbling to myself how I couldn’t believe I thought what I thought and he responded with, “Don’t go there. I’m proud of you for stopping and thinking. That’s what matters.”I wasn’t sure how much time had passed as I heard Minho say, “Let me see your hand.”

I showed it to him. I could see the black and blue forming on my knuckles. When he asked me to make a fist, it was a little painful but not that bad. He smiled as he said “Good news, nothing looks broken… the bad news is there is no way you’re going to be able to hide it from Y/N. So what’s the plan Changbin, any ideas?” His eyebrows went up in question.

“I’m not going to lie to her, Minho. I can’t.” I said plainly. She is already so fragile and lying wouldn’t help that. I also can’t tell her that I lost it and almost hurt Soo. Given, I was mad, but still. I don’t know.

His eyebrows furrowed as he smirked, “You know sometimes you’re a little too chilverous.” I just grinned as he continued, “Alright I guess I’ll have to explain it… As far as I’m concerned you slammed your hand in the car door when you were trying to get back here. Sound good?” I nod.

I heard Minho’s phone go off and I saw Lix’s face on the screen, “one guess” he giggles. He picked it up and put it on speaker.

“MinMin where’s my Binnie?” I heard Y/N loud and clear through the phone. She sounds a little better, I could hear the tease in it. “We were just wrapping up here Beautiful, everything okay?” He asked, smiling at me.

“Yeah, just Inn-ah trying to eat the last brownie I’m saving for Binnie.” She giggled. My heart swelled. She was saving it for me? I haven’t had one of those in… almost a year now that I think about it.

I heard Inn-ah in the background, “Just a nibble, Y/N?”

She giggled as she said, “Binnie hasn’t had one in a while Innie, and you live with the guy that makes them.” She laughed. She’s thinking about me? After all of this. She’s focused on me?? I think Minho could see the confusion as he looked at me.

I giggled as I said, “What about the bag of snacks we brought for the boys Seungmin?” I heard Seungmin’s voice loud and clear, “They picked it clean, vultures… I’m surprised the bag’s still there.” I heard Y/N laugh slightly louder. It melted me to my core as I laughed.

I heard Hyunjin say, “Says the one who had a whole pan of brownie to himself. I don’t mind eating clean but had I known I would’ve fought you for that pan, Seungmin.” I could see Hyunjin’s face in my head glaring at Seungmin.

I laughed as I said, “OK Angel we are on our way. Sorry, it took so long.” I smirked at the phone, I couldn’t wait to see her. I always get this swell in my heart that spreads to all of me when I see her.

“It’s okay. As long as you’re coming back that’s all I care about.” She giggled. Minho hung up and said, “What happened in this room, stays in this room.” I think he could tell that I was embarrassed about my breakdown. I’m used to being the person that people go to for support. I am rarely the one to need the support. This was Minho’s way of saying my breakdown stays with him. I patted him on the back, silently thanking him.

When we walked out into the hallway I could see Hannie waiting by the door. Minho motioned for Hannie to come towards us. When he met us Minho whispered, “Follow my lead.” With that we walked back to the room together, Minho leading. When Minho went in he explained the hand injury away, “First thing’s first Beautiful. You’ll notice that Binnie’s hand is bruised, it was an accident, he’s fine and it’s not broken, okay?” He looked relieved as he motioned for me to come in.

When I came in I was met with a gentle smile from her. At that moment I realized something. Soo never told me why she was here. I know why she’s here. Chan was banking on me losing it, seeing her. He was banking on me getting myself arrested or at the very least kicked out so that I would be ripped away from Angel’s side. I smiled wider knowing that not only did I keep my cool, but this experience that he caused just made me want to stick closer to her.

Every time it feels like the first time I see her. Always takes my breath away. Even in a hospital gown, chocolate remnants on her face. I smiled at her, “Hi, Angel, sorry it took a bit. You have something for me?” I asked as I went to sit in a chair.

She looked at me with furrowed brows, “I want my Binnie cuddles,” She said as she reached out for me. How could I deny that? I saw Seungmin get up and walk to a chair, sitting down.

I smiled at her as I nestled up to her in the hospital bed. She smiled as she handed me the last piece of brownie, “It’s the corner piece, your favorite.”

She looked up at me and wiped a tear from my face, when did I start crying again? “Why are you crying, Binnie?”

I answered honestly, “I’m so happy to see you giggling and seeing you save this for me. I’m just lucky to know you, let alone be a part of your life.” I dried a tear from her too as I smiled.

She buried her face into my side as she giggled. That made everyone in the room break out in smiles. The rest of the night was passed in smiles and laughs until eventually, Y/N started yawning. I looked at her trying to fight the sleep until I guided her head to my chest again. She was sleeping before I could even notice. One by one, everyone was asleep except for me. Seeing everyone asleep. I permitted myself to pass out for the night too, and before I knew it, I was out like a light myself.

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whumpypepsigal · 1 year

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Shadow and Bone s02e01: Kaz’s PTSD triggered flashbacks —:

“When night came, and the tide changed direction, Kaz forced himself to lay hands on Jordie’s body. He was too frail to swim on his own, but with Jordie’s help, he could float. He held tight to his brother and kicked towards the lights of Ketterdam. Together, they drifted, Jordie’s distended body acting as a raft. Kaz kept kicking, trying not to think of his brother, of the taut, bloated feel of Jordie’s flesh beneath his hands; he tried not to think of anything but the rhythm of his legs moving through the sea. He’d heard there were sharks in these waters, but he knew they wouldn’t touch him. He was a monster now, too.”

Excerpt From Six of Crows, Leigh Bardugo

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novlr · 11 months

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How do you write a flashback? When a character remembers something they’ve forgotten?

How to write flashbacks

Flashbacks are a powerful tool to deepen character development, create tension, and unveil hidden truths. They have the unique ability to transport readers to pivotal moments from the past, adding layers of richness to your story

Why are flashbacks useful?

Flashbacks serve various purposes in storytelling, each contributing to the overall narrative in its unique way. Here are some of the most common ways flashbacks are used:

1. Deepen character development and provide backstory:

Flashbacks allow you to delve into a character's past, unveiling formative experiences that shaped their personality. By revealing childhood memories, past relationships, and significant events, you can provide readers with a deeper understanding of the character's motivations, internal conflicts, and complexities.

2. Create tension, suspense, or surprise:

Flashbacks offer a powerful tool for building tension and suspense. You can strategically use them to foreshadow future events, creating anticipation and keeping readers on the edge of their seats. Additionally, flashbacks can introduce surprising revelations, challenge readers' assumptions, and add unexpected twists to the plot.

3. Reveal hidden motivations or secrets:

With flashbacks, you can peel back the layers of your characters and expose their hidden motivations and secrets. By delving into the past, you can uncover buried secrets that impact their present actions, unveil the true nature of supporting characters or antagonists, and provide readers with a deeper understanding of the characters' complexities.

4. Highlight character growth or transformation:

Flashbacks are excellent tools for showcasing character growth and transformation. By contrasting past and present versions of your characters, you can illustrate their development over time. These glimpses into their past can reveal pivotal moments that trigger significant changes in behaviour, allowing readers to witness their journey of self-discovery and personal evolution.

5. Provide historical or contextual information:

Flashbacks offer an opportunity to provide historical or contextual information that enriches your story. By exploring past events, you can offer insights into the historical backdrop or cultural context of your narrative. This enhances the authenticity of your world-building and provides a deeper understanding of the setting in which your story unfolds.

6. Surface a forgotten memory:

One fascinating aspect of flashbacks is their ability to surface forgotten memories. By resurrecting your characters’ buried experiences, you can explore the impact of past traumas or significant events in their lives. This allows for emotional depth and character growth as they confront unresolved issues and find closure.

What makes a good flashback?

A good flashback is relevant to the main narrative, providing crucial insights into the character's motivations and conflicts. It evokes strong emotions and utilizes vivid descriptions to immerse readers in the past. A well-executed flashback contributes to character development and maintains a balanced narrative flow, seamlessly transitioning back to the present story.

Choosing a strategic moment that adds depth or context to the story.

Using sensory triggers from the present moment to initiate a transition to the past.

Having a clear transition in and out of the flashback.

Ensuring the flashback doesn't disrupt the overall pacing and narrative, and that it serves a functional purpose.

Connecting to the present with an object or a sensory experience that triggers the flashback.

Bringing flashbacks to life

To make your flashbacks come alive and immerse readers in the memory, effective descriptions are crucial. Consider these six quick tips for engaging descriptions within flashbacks:

Use vivid language to paint a picture of the scene.

Incorporate sensory details like sights, sounds, smells, tastes, and textures to immerse readers in the memory.

Focus on details that are relevant to the plot, character development, or thematic elements of the story, avoiding excessive tangents or unnecessary descriptions.

Choose words and phrases that reflect the intensity of emotions experienced during the flashback.

Instead of relying on exposition, use action, dialogue, and interactions for characters to reveal information.

Highlight specific moments or key aspects of the flashback that contribute to the overall narrative.

Emphasise body language and gestures to draw attention to the emotions and reactions of the event.

Demonstrate character development by highlighting changes in behaviour, belief, or attitudes.

Showcase conflicts and resolutions, allowing readers to witness how they were resolved or left unresolved.

How to fit flashbacks into your story

There is no hard and fast rule for the best way to incorporate a flashback. But here are some interesting ways you can work it into your narrative, each with a different feel depending on the type of story you’re telling.

Consider shifting the narrative perspective when transitioning to a flashback. For instance, if the main story is told from a third-person limited perspective, you could switch to a first-person perspective during the flashback to immerse readers in the character's direct experience.

Switch between past and present-moment reflections to create a sense of urgency. This can be done by having the character contemplate the significance of the memory or showing immediate connections to a character’s present situation.

Adapt the voice of the flashback to match the character’s age, knowledge, and emotional state during the flashback. This helps differentiate the narrative style and adds depth to the character's past experiences.

Blend flashbacks seamlessly into the main narrative by incorporating them into the character's thoughts, dialogue, or actions, rather than separating a flashback out into its own scene.

Use clear markers, such as chapter breaks, section headers, or formatting changes, to signal the beginning and end of a flashback to keep it contained within a scene.

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theflann · 9 months

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Huginn and munnin are some of my fav side characters ngl

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Mwahahahahahahaaaaaa i'm so excitedddddddd, i already have the next bits drawn!!!! my plaaaannnssssssssssssssssssss!!

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traumatizeddfox · 1 year

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havent slept in 3 days

#traumacore #actuallytraumatized #trauma #trauma vent #flashbacks #tw flashbacks #actuallyabused #abuse tw #tw abuse #tw sa #tw rape #tw csa #ventcore #angercore #actuallymentallyill #ok to rb #trauma art #vent art #actually abused

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yousaveeveryonebutwhosavesyou · 2 years

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#sad #broken #tired #hurt #pain #lonely #unhappy #sadness #depression #anxiety #trauma #worthless #suicide #suicidal #bpd #heartbroken #flashbacks #quotes #alone #angry #hate #mental health

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milkhorns · 1 year

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Learning to sew 🪡

#Exploring the personal headcanon that is “hunter did not originally learn to sew on fabric”#mostly inspired by the first aid kit shown next to his bed #+ the fact his original cloak sewing attempt looked more like stitches for an injury rather than for textiles 😭#twitter gets this so yall do too #i literally havent done an angst comic since like 2019 so HAVE FUN #myart #tohhunter #huntertoh #pittwins #toh #the owl house #comic #trigger warning tags for yall who have them blocked:#needles #stitches #blood #flashbacks

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furiousgoldfish · 3 months

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my brain @ me: you will get your memories... when I decide they're relevant. Maybe not even then. However,,, anytime is a good time to repeat the same traumatic flashback that you already know about. I will do that more, just in case.

#osdd #cptsd #ptsd #flashbacks #memory loss #missing memories #brain only giving me the shitty stuff #and gatekeeping useful info #did

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whumpshaped · 3 months

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tw addiction whump, alcohol, past trauma, pet whump, rocky recovery, flashbacks, emeto, paranoia, self-blame, self-deprecation, dehumanisation

Once Whumpee had gotten out and was allowed to make their own decisions again, they decided it would be prudent to make as many bad ones in as short a time frame as humanly possible. Their first trip out of the hospital had brought them straight to the liquor store, and they bought as much alcohol as their court settlement could pay for. They wanted nothing but to forget. Forget the trial, forget their captivity, forget…

Sit pretty for me. There you go, good boy. Aren’t you a good little pet?

They swallowed and threw the money on the counter, then grabbed their beverages and left without a word. They didn’t give the cashier enough time to recognise them from the news.

The bottles kept clinking together quite obnoxiously as Whumpee struggled to bring all of them up the stairs to their apartment. They clinked even more as they tried to put them down one by one without breaking any so they could fish their key out of their pocket. They groaned when they realised they would have to repeat the whole thing again; pick up the bottles one by one, bring them inside, push the door closed with their hip, put them down one by one, lock the door.

They stared at the collection of all the different beverages they had laid out in front of them. Vodka, gin, whiskey, whatever they could find on the shelves, they’d bought. They had no idea what they liked. They doubted they liked any of it.

Whumpee glanced towards the window, shame immediately rising in their chest. What if someone saw them? Would the people judge them? Would the knowledge of their trauma make it worse in their mind or better? Would they accept them as just another failure of society, someone who had been too weak to handle the hand life had dealt them? Or would they scream and shout about the unfairness, the fact that someone as useless as them had been given such a large sum of money, only so they could blow it on substances?

They stepped up to the window and hastily closed the blinds. Nobody would see them like this. Not now, not ever.

Whumpee’s resolution to avoid others whenever they were wasted had crumbled in the first few days, because they’d thought it appropriate to go out and try to make friends. They had been so desperately lonely.

They’d woken up one day on a public bench, being watched over by a stranger. They had excused themself and rushed home, drowning out the memory with more alcohol right after having thrown up the last of the previous day’s shots.

But it seemed like their drunk mind wanted nothing but the tentative familiarity of that chance meeting to be repeated over and over again, because they found themself back on the bench every other day. Caretaker — as the stranger had introduced themself — was always kind to them, and always made sure no one else bothered them on their leisurely strolls. They were… different, odd, but a safe kind of odd, the kind of odd Whumpee felt comfortable inviting into their depressing little apartment after just a week of knowing them.

One week? Two weeks? Whumpee couldn’t remember. It hadn’t been a long time, probably, because their first supply of alcohol was still going strong.

“I don’t think I should,” Caretaker said awkwardly. “I mean… Are you sure you want me there?”

“Yeah… yeah, I… I don’t have anyone else, really…” they slurred, blissfully unaware of how much of a target they were putting on their back. It was nothing but luck that Caretaker didn’t jump on the opportunity to burgle the victim of one of the most famous legal cases, who, as everyone seemed to be aware of, was sitting on a pile of cash.

“Don’t say that,” they said quietly, and Whumpee instinctively assumed it was out of pity.

“Why? It’s true. Everyone knows, ‘cuz I walk around here every single fucking day, and I’m always fucking alone.” They gave Caretaker a lazy grin. “Not right now, I guess, but it’s not like you’re constantly with me, huh? And eeeeveryone hates me for it, they want me fucking gone, they want me off the public property, and away from their children, and they look at me like I’m no different than the pile of fucking trash they leave out every Tuesday!”

“Alright, alright, but don’t fucking tell everyone that you’re constantly alone. At least lie about it.”

That made Whumpee stop in their tracks, their dumb smile faltering a little. “Huh?”

“There are bad people in this world, Whumpee. You should know that better than anyone. Just lie and say you’re going to a friend’s place, or going back home to your family. No need to make it known that you’re easy pickings.”

Whumpee stared at them blankly, trying to process the words. “Huh…?” Was Caretaker… not saying it as a means to comfort them?

“I’ll explain one more time once we get to your place, if you still wanna bring me back.”

Of course they did. They wanted it more now than ever.

“Pet me?” Whumpee asked abruptly.

“What? Like a dog?”

Whumpee tensed. Even in their drunken haze, the comparison sent them back to the place they’d so painstakingly escaped. “I… guess so.”

Caretaker seemed to notice the change in atmosphere too, and they put two and two together. “Oh, fuck, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. I was just surprised—”

“It doesn’t matter.” They pushed their head against Caretaker’s thigh. Admittedly, the alcohol made it easier to forget, even if not to forgive. “Pet me?”

“Are you sure it’s okay?”

“I’m asking you.”

Caretaker hesitantly lifted a hand and placed it on top of Whumpee’s head. They carefully carded their fingers through the soft hair, gently scratching their scalp as they went. Whumpee had the feeling Caretaker was being overly cautious, so they nuzzled against their hand as a way of encouragement.

“It’s okay if you think of me as a dog,” Whumpee said before they could stop themself. It wasn’t okay, but they didn’t want Caretaker to hold back on the headpats just because they thought it might trigger something in them. Even if it might.

“It’s not,” they said anyway. “I’d never think of you as a dog.”

Whumpee huffed. “Maybe it’d make everything easier, honestly. You wouldn’t fault a dog for being useless. You’d just coo at it endlessly, everyone would. ‘Aww, look at that adorable, useless dog. Who cares what it can do for me? All it has to do is lie there and be adorable.’”

“Do you think of yourself as a dog?” Caretaker asked softly.

“I sank lower than a dog ages ago, I think. I’d have to work really hard to get back up there. I’m more like… a roly poly.”

Caretaker petted them mutely for a while, repeating the pleasant motions and slowly lulling Whumpee to sleep. “I like roly polies,” they murmured before Whumpee could’ve fully drifted off. “And I like dogs too. But…” Their petting stopped, and they let out a heavy sigh. “I like you so much more and so differently than any animal.”

“You’re gonna die of alcohol poisoning one day, you know.”

“I’m gonna die of withdrawal…” Whumpee made a half-hearted attempt to get the bottle from Caretaker, but they held it up and out of their reach. “You know you can’t keep it from me if you want me alive…”

“Oh, I can. We’re gonna work on it, bit by bit. And right now, you’re not getting any.”

“Are you a doctor?”

“Nope.”

“You’re gonna kill me.”

Caretaker rolled their eyes. “I know what I’m doing.”

Whumpee rolled over onto their back, trying to ignore the nausea. The ceiling was swirling and morphing, and they had no desire to ever see it come to a stop again. “I’d rather get alcohol poisoning than die of withdrawal, I think. I don’t know how either of them are, but I know I don’t want to be sober.”

“Hopefully, you won’t ever know how either of them are.”

Whumpee scoffed. “I didn’t want to know what being a human pet was like, and here we are. Not only do I know, but thanks to the fucking trials, everyone else knows too.”

“That doesn’t mean everything you don’t want happening to you will suddenly happen. You don’t have to run head first into a wall just because you feel like it’s coming at you and you want to strike first. Walls don’t usually move. Not when you’re sober.”

“Huh?”

Caretaker sat down on the sofa next to them, gently rubbing their arm. “I think you deserve a better life, Whumpee. Even if you don’t want any.”

“I don’t—” The nausea suddenly became unbearable, and they pushed themself off the couch to stumble into the bathroom. They didn’t reach the toilet.

They had no idea what they’d meant to say before the accident. No one would ever know.

#whump #whump drabble #addiction whump #alcohol #past trauma #pet whump #recovery fic #flashbacks #emeto #paranoia #self-blame #self-deprecation #dehumanisation #comfort

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